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shallowseeker · 8 months

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If you're a native Spanish speaker, wanna take a stab at the telenovela in 7x03? (It's very hard to hear under the main audio.) You can hear, My love, my love? I think I hear, no me dejes (Don't leave me) in the mix.

I love that Ricardo, you know, has a bloody collar and smudge on his right brow, kind of like...you know:

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7x01

Ahem.

It also, of course, calls to mind John's death in 4x03, but only in how Mary cradles him.

The rest is so-- [REDACTED]

And if you think Dean wasn't grieving in his prickly veneer of toughness, listen to his voice in that brief moment he thought Cas was back. His breathy little "Ca-as?" is sooo shaky.

Then, he and Bobby both grabbed onto him with the intention of getting him home (and working through what just happened, "Okay, one thing at a time.") It was so--

This is the same episode where Cas said he had no more nostalgia for Dean and threatened to snap him into bloody soup, and then Dean urged Death to kill Cas, and Cas looked somehow shocked, despite what he'd just threatened to do himself. They're so--

To say nothing of the look on Dean's face when the Leviathan says in clear words, "Cas is, hmm, gone. He's-- dead!"

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shallowstories · 1 year

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Saturn by Sleeping at Last

youtube

Lyrics start around 2:20

You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly, even after death With shortness of breath You explained the infinite And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

With shortness of breath I'll try to explain the infinite And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist

With shortness of breath I'll try to explain the infinite And how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

#songs #spn + sleeping at last #inspiration #saturn #dean/cas + love confessions #dean/cas + grief #dean/cas + songs #theme ideas #on existing #spn + universe #spn + space #Youtube

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valeron99 · 1 year

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The Loss.

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deancaspinefest · 3 months

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If Only You Return to Me

Author: arlingtonchamberofgay | Artist: sidewinder

Posting on Tuesday April 9

The world has been saved, yet again, but this time, Dean is forced to carry on without his best friend. His best friend, who loved him. In true Winchester fashion, Dean decides to shove down and bury his feelings about the last words that Cas said to him and the implications thereof, instead burying himself in alcohol, hunting, and stupid ass decisions. After a failed rescue attempt in the Empty, he’s forced to reassess what his life looks like without the angel. Until, one day, a run of the mill hunt goes wrong because of a small bit of rebar. Castiel somehow awakens in the Empty, much to the Shadow’s ever growing annoyance. After making a deal to return to Earth to find Dean in exchange for his grace, Cas finds himself in the same room he last saw the man. He’s devastated to discover that he’s too late, Dean is dead and in Heaven. Dean and Cas are desperate to find their way back to each other, but the universe seems to be working hard to keep them apart.

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

“Hey, I found a case close by, down in Corinth; it’s only a 35 minute drive. What do you say we go check it out?” Sam jumps at Dean’s question, considering they’ve been quietly sitting at the War Room table at their laptops for well over three hours now. Sam sips on a beer while Dean downs his 4th glass of whiskey. When Dean asks Sam about heading out on the case, his words aren’t necessarily slurred but they’re not fully coherent either.

Sam looks at his brother hesitantly. “Don’t you think you should sober up a bit?”

“‘M fine, besides not my first time drinkin a little on a hunt.”

“Have you eaten anything today? Or yesterday? Or the day before, for that matter?”

“Psh, yeah, I had a slice of pizza last night.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And what else?” Sam looks at him expectantly.

“That’s it. That’s all I need.” To emphasize his point, Dean begins pouring himself another glass.

“Dude, besides the fact that it’s noon and you’re about to be on your fifth glass of whiskey, you haven’t eaten an actual meal in days! You look like a goddamn ghost dude.

“Look, I know that something happened before Cas was taken-”

“Don’t you /dare/ say his name.” Dean bites out, his glare piercing into Sam. /Yeah, this is bad./ Sam thinks to himself.

Sam stares at him inquisitively, trying to carefully decide his next words. “Look, whatever happened … you can’t keep beating yourself up over it, okay? Mourning him is perfectly normal, but-” He motions to the bottle and glass in Dean’s hands, “drinking ‘til you’re blind isn’t the way to deal with it. And going on a hunt drunk is just a death wish.”

“Yeah, well maybe I’ve got one,” Dean mutters to himself, but Sam hears it nonetheless. The younger Winchester sighs, gets up from the table, and heads to his room to get his bag ready for the case.

(continue reading on Ao3 on Tuesday April 9)

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic #deancas fic #destiel art #deancas art #pinefest 2024 #pinefest previews #2024 Dean/Cas Pinefest #author: arlingtonchamberofgay #artist: sidewinder #angst with a happy ending #temporary major character death #grief/mourning

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steppesliver · 3 months

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#all men do is lie!!!!!!!!#i mean i KNOW he's saying this out of anger & grief for what has been going on between them as of late #and he really does not mean it but jesus #cas was a real one for hearing that and instantly vanishing lol #like sure dean convince yourself whatever suits you #as soon as those words came out of his mind the ep where they keep pranking each other came to mind. years dean? years?#wincest #samdean #spn liveblog

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2sw · 1 year

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You got to wake up. because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Supernatural S8E08 Hunteri Heroici ( + S8E06 Southern Comfort )

#sam winchester #spn 8x08 #spn 8x06 #s8 #gifs #I wish they had actually shown how Sam dealt with his grief after s7 #but it's not that hard to understand why he didn't try harder to find Dean #It was just too much for him. He was left all alone in the world #Bobby was already dead at that point #Dean and Cas disappeared before his eyes (he probably thought they were dead. certainly didn't know they were in purgatory)#and the king of hell took Kevin #Isn't it obvious why he was running from all of it and trying to hold on to something? it was too much for anyone to go through alone #I'm saying it wasn't the best thing to do but totally understandable #(and what's so criminal about trying to make his life less miserable anyway??)#the sad thing is almost every choice he made while running from the burden of reality turned into messes #He had to leave the woman he loves and now his brother trusts a vampire over him #All of that piled up and weighed down on him #It made him question his self-worth #And that insecurity led him to the church in the season finale (not to mention the whole “I'm not clean” thing)#and even after s8... oh I can't do this rn. I'm sad again

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thepagemistress · 11 months

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You know, we all talk about how Dean wouldn't just leave Cas in The Empty after 15x18 and like...I agree but also, I feel like Sam would actually be the driving force behind getting him back.

1) because he's seen how Dean gets when Cas dies. He knows it gets worse each time and he is not about to see where this time leads him.

But more importantly 2) Sam has no idea wtf happened. There is no way Dean told him the details. It would have simply consisted of "Cas sacrificed himself to the Empty to get Billie off our asses" and ANY attempt at Sam trying to get more out of him would just result in a "He's GONE, Sam" and Dean storming off. And Sam haaaaates not having all the information. In his mind, Cas has already come back from The Empty once so why the fuck can't it happen again?

#like i don't think it's ooc for dean to just be incapacitated by his grief #obviously he'd want cas back #and he'd do whatever it took #but i feel like this one just took him out at the knees abd he physically can't drag himself back up to do anything about it #so sam takes point #spn #supernatural #destiel #sam winchester #15x18

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angelsdean · 4 months

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like. listen. i'm just saying, both dean and sam are there when jack gets his soul back but it's only dean that hugs him with so much emotion. where's his hug from you, sammy, hmm??

#am i salty that ppl are voting sam as the second parent jack is closest to in that poll #despite canon showing over and over that DEAN is the one who spends thee most quality time with him #and the one jack idolizes most (out of sam and dean at least. cas is a whole other story)#and the one he Understands and also turns to for advice / big questions. yes yes i am salty abt it.#people are so blinded by a few rough spots in dean and jack's relationship #(usually in times when dean was intensely overcome by grief. or actively being manipulated by chuck)#but overall??? they DO have the closer relationship (again out of sam and dean)#i know i'll never convince the masses in dean vs cas #but secretly. yea i think dean is more present in jack's life than cas #(like i mean. it's not even an opinion really. cas literally canonically spends a Lot of time away from the bunker / jack)#meanwhile. dean is There #and IS spending quality time with jack off camera. weekly movie nights every tuesday #vic.txt

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torturedpoetemotions · 10 months

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So let's talk about Dean's jealousy when Cas is shacked up with Kelly waiting for Jack to be born.

#i know this gets lost in the overwhelming grief of the widower arc but let's be real #dean wants to be the one shacking up with cas so bad it makes him stupid #supernatural #dean winchester #destiel

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debsarcasticplight · 6 months

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Starlight

The Impala rumbles to a halt outside The Starlight Motel, its tired engine sighing in relief. Dean leans back in the worn leather seat, rubbing his eyes, exhausted. The road has started to take its toll on Dean despite him having made this trip countless times before. After nearly a decade, his journey here and back again has become the only ritual that keeps him connected to his past and the one person still holding a piece of his heart.

Stepping out of the car, Dean can't help but glance around, his eyes scanning the familiar surroundings. The Starlight Motel hasn't changed much over the years. It’s still the same dingy, run-down place where he and Cas first met, spent countless hours as kids, and dreamt about escaping from someday.

Dean makes his way to the front desk, the bell above the door jingling softly as he pushes it open. The desk clerk, a tired-looking woman with bleach-blonde hair and bright red lipstick, removes an unlit cigarette from her lips before offering him a half-hearted smile.

"Can I help you?" she asks, her voice heavy with boredom.

"Yeah," Dean replies, pulling out his wallet and tossing a few crumpled twenties onto the counter.

"I need a room for a couple of nights."

"Okay, you're in #12," The clerk says, taking the money and handing Dean a key with very little investment.

Dean nods and heads for the lobby, the worn carpet muffling his footsteps. It's early November, but there are still a few flimsy-looking Halloween decorations strewn around in the corners of the motel. Just another subtle reminder that time keeps marching, regardless of whether anyone’s ready to start letting go. Room 12 is just like every other room in the place—barely functional, but it has a bed and a shower, which is all he really needs.

Dean tosses his duffel bag onto the bed and lets out a long sigh. He knows he has to check on Cas next. Doing so has become a routine for him, a way to ease his conscience, even though Dean’s never sure what he will find. Dean’s been renting Cas a room at the Starlight Motel year-round since he left, figuring it's the least he can do for the guy. Cas has a tendency to move around a lot, seeking out the sketchiest people while chasing his next high. At least this way, Dean can try to help his friend retain some semblance of home, even if it's back here, of all places.

Pulling out his phone, Dean scrolls until he finds his favorite picture: two young boys, their eyes wide with anticipation and ready for whatever life has in store. Although the original photo was taken many years ago, Dean can't help keeping a digital copy purely for sentimental value.

Holding a breath, Dean taps "Call" as a pit of concern opens up beneath his ribs. He’s got six different phone numbers for Cas currently, and it's always a gamble whether any of them will even go through.

"Hello?" Cas's voice crackles over the line, already sounding very far away.

"Hey, Cas," Dean says, trying to keep his voice casual.

"It's me."

There is a long pause before Cas replies.

"Back again so soon, Dean?"

Dean runs a hand through his disheveled hair, trying to steady his breathing.

"Naw, you know me, I’m just passing through. But I thought I'd call and see how you're doing."

"You know how I'm doing, Dean." Cas states, his voice thick with bitterness.

Dean winces at the truth in his friend's words. Knowing all too well how much Cas has struggled for years now, battling demons Dean still doesn’t fully understand. They had been close once, more so than anyone could’ve imagined, but life has taken them down different paths.

"Listen," Dean begins,

"I rented myself a room at The Starlight for a few nights. Why don't you swing by? I’ll order us some pizza and maybe restock your fridge. We can catch up."

Cas hesitates, and for a moment, Dean thinks he might actually say no.

"Okay, Dean. I'll be there." Cas says, sounding defeated.

Dean hangs up and lets out another sigh, this one heavier than the last. He knows he can't save Cas or fix the mess that is his life. But he also can't find it in himself to walk away either. Not after everything they have been through.

Dean leaves his room, returning to the front desk once more. When he requests an extra copy of Cas's room key, the clerk hands it over without question. She’s seen this all before, the two of them coming and going like ghosts.

Back in his room, Dean sits on the edge of the bed and stares out the window. The parking lot is empty, save for a few beat-up-looking cars. The neon sign of The Starlight flickers and buzzes, casting an eerie glow over everything.

Dean can't help but think back to his and Cas’s origins as he waits. They had been inseparable as kids, each other's lifelines in a world that seemed determined to tear them apart. They had even dated briefly, an awkward and confusing experiment in teenage love. Then Sam died, Dean left town, and Cas stayed behind to pick up the pieces alone. Even now, after all these years, the wrongs of the past haunt Dean, while the present feels no less bleak. But he’s determined to be there for Cas, no matter how impossible the task seems. For the sake of the man he once loved and probably still does, Dean knows he has to at least try.

#spn fanfic #destiel au #endverse!cas #endverse!dean #tw implied/referenced substance abuse/addiction issues #tw implied/referenced mental illness #tw grief and loss #suptober23

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loveofastarvingdog · 1 year

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a fic where cas dies but somehow stays around dean as like a ghost or something and sees how awful he's doing and is like oh fuck. what happened why is dean doing so badly. and then he slowly discovers it's because cas died.............................

#and cas also starts flickering out of existence and he has to decide if he'll try to pass on or stay #timothy's txts.#(<- but really it's tied to dean and him bringing cas back by sheer force of grief)#tw swearing

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shallowseeker · 1 year

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So. I was watching Byzantium last night, and Cas is such a quiet, understated griever.

They way he stands at Jack's bedside and picks up Kelly's photo... It's so...poignant.

I'm a quiet griever, too, or else I do it in private. Sometimes, that means people want me to explode to prove to them I'm feeling things, or else to be more visual about it.

But being quiet doesn't make emotions less powerful. It just makes them...well.

Quiet.

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Jack's first death:

Cas ruminating on his promise to Kelly (as Dean reaches out to his own mother on the phone)

/// I actually really related to how he and Dean are both rather quiet grievers:

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...drink in silence.

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BONUS: Dean n' Cas slowly realizing that Claire has died (The Trap):

From 15x09 The Trap

Dean straightens up. Cas takes in a small breath as it hits.

Having survived the loss of JACK, it is CLAIRE who becomes the death they will not survive.

(Scripts @ Wiki)

#spn byzantium #spn the trap #spn 15x09 #spn 14x08 #dean/cas + grief #dean/cas #cas + grief #tfw + grief

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shallowstories · 1 year

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Jimmy & Cas look so different

In the Wayward Daughters fic I started writing, where Claire is cursed to become the hero (and new target of God), most of my writing was driven by the need to have Jimmy Novak back on the earth.

That is, when Dean busts them all out of Heaven, and they fall, because of their circumstances, he is forced to watch Amelia & Jimmy cling to one another. (As they should. They deserve it.) But it also drudges up guilty, painful emotions.

(And Amelia is so damn understanding about it, too.)

But and of course, thanks to everything, Claire's relationship with Amelia & Jimmy is a dreadful thing.

///

Anyway, my point is that when Jimmy comes back, in a body, he looks like he's always owned it. He's aged like fine wine, like a hot professor. BUT he's reedier and different looking to Cas. He has bad hunched posture and different expressions and even his voice is different. You'd never EVER confuse the two.

It's sort of like those instances of identical twins that wind up looking so different because of how they use their bodies.

Cas holds himself so upright, so strongly. And he's bulkier because over time, he's chosen to use his body like a holy battering ram.

///

Through Max Banes, they both wind up inhabiting bodies, at the same time, on the earth. An impossible-seeming duplication. And you get to see those differences up close.

#angels & vessels #spn + what are bodies anyway #spn + bodies #jimmy #amelia #claire #the novak family #jimmy & cas #dean/cas + grief #dean + longing #amelia/jimmy #cas + vessel

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valeron99 · 1 year

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Everything you left to me.

#destiel #dean #dean winchester #castiel #dean and cas #deancas #casdean #supernatural #spn art #spn #din widower #grief/mourning #grieving dean winchester

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disabled-dean · 1 year

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Fic set during season 6 where dean DOES know that Cas is watching him and it Does Something To Him. At first it's just a feeling, like an idea at the back of his mind and he doesn't know why it bothers him so much, and then the more he becomes convinced of it the more he starts acting out. At first he thinks it's because he's pissed at Cas for leaving without saying goodbye and just going radio silent, and he's like rubbing his new life in his face a little like- see I'm happy, I'm fine I don't need to play a part in god's plan. And that includes like, getting out of bed for the first time in weeks and making himself go outside and clean up the yard and go to the grocery store and have dinner waiting for Lisa when she comes home. And the whole time he's kind of like. He probably isn't here. I'm probably just making this up. And then one day he kisses Lisa in the kitchen and the light above the stove blows just as the radio turns on, and then the next thing he knows he's like, desperately jerking off in the shower and Lisa isn't even there and he doesn't know what he's trying to prove anymore it that anything?

#vibe has gotta be angst with a happy ending #like dean dosen't understand why he's so upset #but he is he's so mad that cas isn't there and he has to show him that he doesn't need him #and that he's happy with lisa and the life he chose #so he's just like. processing his grief by committing HARD to his suburban cookie cutter life #and aggressively performing as a trophy husband #and then all of a sudden it flips and he's like. if I'm so happy then why do i feel so sad???#anyways eventually lisa has to be like- this isn't working for me babe #and dean has to have an existential crisis and face the reality that if he DOESN'T have a perfect suburban life then what DOES he have #and the answer is Not Cas #either way he's gotta cry in the shower right after he [redacted] final offer #writing prompts #destiel #post tag

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bisaster-energy · 1 year

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cas voice im not your father belphegor voice yeah sorry about that

#something something cas not realizing the horrors of his actions until years later and in the worst possible way #the despair. the disgust. seeing someone u knew u love being worn. like a snazzy outfit looking exactly like always but #so clearly Not Right #cas seeing that demon flirt with dean like it's a joke moving what was once his child in ways that are completely wrong #and having that oh moment. is this what it felt like for claire. when she could still see her father but will never see him again because #he's gone and all that's left is the shell. a new hermit crab climbed into before the old one even #decayed. the way cas can appreciate the feelings and intricacies of human life but only #only if it's painful. it wasn't a date. the sex meant nothing it was a trap. ur not important enough to stay with dean.#ur child is gone and suddenly u become lily sunder suddenly u understand claire suddenly #suddenly dean says you're dead to him and you have no one #the effort cas put into learning how emotions work and sympathizing when he used to dismiss #Only for his own grief and sorrow to be spat on #im gonna cry #cas my best friend cas

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