#deadline is end of tomorrow btw
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my school is hosting a conference and I was thinking of submitting something, but I honestly haven't written a lot this year and the one idea I have is too large and I haven't done nearly enough research for it. also it is not actually written lmao
#I can try again next year but I would also have to arrange travel to come back to china and then leave again lmao and like#why would I do that#like I would be reimbursed but it's my semester abroad why would I do that#which leaves senior year because by then the project will be finished (I plan on making it my senior thesis) and so I can more easily#however I need need need more experience on my resume#especially since I will be applying for grad school and I plan on applying for some scholarships and programs#but I don't have much of anything that I would submit like I don't think some of my final papers are good enough lmao#and I guess I could go speak to one of the professors in charge but despite the blind judging process I don't want to influence the results#I'm kind of smiling and nodding and screaming all at once guys all at once#deadline is end of tomorrow btw
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oooh, i need to knit four (4) rows of this shawl every day until the end of the month to finish by the recipient's birthday. which isn't, like. bad. but it ALSO doesn't take into consideration that, a.) the early rows will be much quicker than the later rows, b.) i've got three (3) lil non-negotiable deadlines to hit by or before then, too, or c.) i've been backburnering the knitting and doing like. MAYBE. two rows a day so far.
#text#personal#writing#knitting#in btw#rell#driscoll#no i dont know why im like this either#i dont MEAN to put Stress on all my hobbies and YET!!!!#like its not the end of the world if i miss the birthday deadline but i feel bad cuz i didnt have a chrimmus gift for her and she did for me#so i would LIKE to have this for her on her birthday (which is when ill see her)#if i can knock out the microfic tomorrow and maybe poke at a first page ill be good??#i think??#then i can life admin and knit later tomorrow#i should try to do more rows while theyre small#frog boiling etc#they still dont take many minutes per row at this stage so that helps!!#and i am getting the hang of the lace i think#i cant do it while listening to anything more intense than music tho#convos are no go#COULD probably do a couple rows on lunch at work tho 👀👀#anyway im also not reading now which is what i MEANT to be doing#gosh i miss reading also#it hasnt been that long but its been nonfic for a while so it feels long#portia shawl
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Wriothesley x Reader
warnings: a stalker (not wrio), insecurities, fear, grammatical errors, etc.
small note: insinuated that both of them end up together at the end but not explicitly said.
(not gender specific btw!!)
Currently thinking of a scenario (or maybe a future fanfic someday) where you are an amazing author in Fontaine who feels like writing was the biggest mistake you could have ever made.
At first, writing was your passion, it was what led you to fame and the creation of a certain all-time hit detective series that people all across of teyvat like to read.
At first, writing was what made you happy. You could stay home all day without having to venture out of the safety and comforts of your home. Didn't have to worry about your next paycheck, if you'll have enough mora for tomorrow, or if you'll have enough to pay rent by next week. Sure you had deadlines, but since you loved to write and managed your time wisely - deadlines weren't ever an issue.
But slowly, as you rose to fame, admirers and fans were quick to swarm.
It got to the point that you would get mountains of letters a day (almost by the hour). And as a pushover as you were (your parents never really taught you how to stand up for yourself), you quickly found yourself writing to each fan back who sent you letters or gifts. Thanking them. Talking to them. Even becoming penpals too.
Then there was one man in particular who started to get too creepy. Too close for comfort.
His letters started to get disturbing. He would introduce himself with a fake name but tell you that he was a young man in his late twenties. How your books gave him life and meaning. How he would see you walking the streets and even got your schedule down when you would go to the grocery store or hangout with friends.
It was then when you would find that you had gained your own stalker. It was then that maybe getting the spotlight on you and through your writing was a bad idea.
If only I didn't share my real name. I wonder if things would be different...
Despite the mental stress the man was placing on you. You tried to push those thoughts away even though the fear of being watched at all moments throughout the day ate away at you. Your own home wasn't your safety net any longer, you feared.
You couldn't bring yourself to tell anyone, opting out for dealing with this yourself.
You tried to tell the man to stop. He didn't.
Warned him.
Yelled at him when you would spot him hiding.
Screamed when he broke into your home. Kicked and thrashed around.
It was then when your neighbors called for the garde. Immediately coming to the rescue due to all the noise you both were causing.
And soon a trial was held. The man was immediately found guilty for a numerous of things. Theft, stalking, attempted kidnapping, breaking and entering, etc.
And even when he was sent to the fortress of meropide, you found that you just couldn't write anymore even though your hit detective series was still ongoing. Your editors, in understanding, gave the series a hiatus and let you take a vacation.
But once again, you feared.
You feared that you just couldn't write anymore.
The one thing that you enjoyed doing ended up with some crazy fan wanting more of you. You didn't want to fear anymore.
And it would be two weeks later when you would be approached by Neuvillette and Clorinde. They would tell you about the happenings within the fortress and how your presence was needed in dealing with your ex-stalker.
Apparently he had gotten into some trouble, and he wouldn't talk no matter what unless he got to see you.
So you found yourself reluctantly going. It wasn't like you were going to stay home and do anything anyway...
At the fortress now, you found yourself in a big office. Apparently it belonged to the Duke, the warden of the fortress. You learned quickly by many of the people there that you should refer to him as "your grace."
And as you sat alone in the office in one of the chairs, a noise sounded just down below.
"They're here?! Where?! I must see them!"
That voice, you couldn't help but to tremble. You didn't want to be here. Not here. But Neuvillette and Clorinde helped alot with the case and proving the man guilty, so you felt obligated to stay and forced yourself not to run away.
"Y/n! There you are! I'm so glad to see you again!"
"That's enough. You see them now, right? So get talking."
You finally got to see the Duke of the fortress of meropide (with the chief justice and Clorinde on either side of him). The duke's eyes were an icy blue, sharp and calculated. His hair black and grey, and spiked - you couldn't help but to think of how ... wolfish he looked.
"Talk? Talk?! I didn't ask you to bring them here so I could talk!"
He reached for you. Hands outstretched as if to hurt you. To pull you towards himself. But Wriothesley was already a step ahead as he grabbed the front of the man's shirt and forced him to the ground, pinning him there.
"I guess no one taught you how to treat a lady."
And maybe, just maybe writing wasn't a mistake after all. Because maybe all this time as you would write happy endings for your characters .. maybe you were waiting for your own happy ending. A happy ending where someone saves you from someone and from yourself.
At least, thats what came to mind as when you finally managed to finish your detective series two months later with its final book.
"So, what genre are you looking to write for now? Because I think you got the mystery all covered."
Sitting in Wriothesley's office once more, lunch in hand, you smiled and thought for a moment.
"How about a romance?"
He snorted at the question, "romance, huh? And how do you plan on starting that?"
"If I told you, then it would ruin the whole book."
"I don't mind spoilers."
You grinned, eyes trained on his as you both enjoyed your lunch break together, "well, it starts off with a man saving an author from someone and from themselves."
"That so," he asked while smirking, he already knew where this was going.
"Do they end up together?"
You shrugged, "you tell me."
Wriothesley leaned back in his chair, eyes trained on you, and only you, "I noticed that in your books, your characters get happy endings. So why not write another one?"
"What? Not a fan of angst?"
"Absolutely not."
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin x you#genshin wriothesley#wriothesley x you#wriothesley x reader#wriothesley#reader is an author in fontaine#genshin fontaine#this was just supposed to be a small little scenario#and now look what happened
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11th March, 2024 | Monday
Day 3 of 100 Days of Productivity 🪴
Here is what happened during the day:
did my morning skin care regime
attended college after a really long time (took a break cause of the college fest that we just had which was AWESOME btw)
attending PSM postings
gave an absolutely miserable ENT post-end exam which tired me out first thing in the morning
attended my Pathology lecture on macrocytic anemias
ate a hearty lunch
went for Pathology practicals that dragged on forever and ever
slept accidentally while sitting on my bed after returing
did my night time skin care regime
had a few productive study sessions with my bff to study Parhology
did my online guitar class
College was so draining! But I got quite a bit done for the first day 😋
Also good news is the deadline for a really really prestigious national debate got extended and I found myself a partner so I’m going!!!!! 🍓🦦
Hope tomorrow I’ll manage to be more organised and manage my time better. Let’s hope for an even better day!!
#blog#rants#life#medical school#writing#college studyblr#philosophy#medschool#study#studyblr#med#medstudent#medical student#medicine#med school#med student#med studyblr#medblr#college student#college life#college#study movitation#studyblr community#study blog#studyspiration#study inspiration#studying#motivation#work#work in progress
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(Much more than) Seven Sentence Sunday
Thank you @carlos-in-glasses for the tag! Seven Sentence Sunday is so amazing because I get to read the most amazing snippets and get super excited about future fics, but getting tagged is so lovely because it makes me feel like I have a little deadline where I don’t have to write anymore than seven sentences which really has helped motivate me to turn some ideas into writing!!
I hereby post my very first Tarlos snippet and my first entry to Seven Sentence Sunday!
It is way way longer than seven sentences but as it is my very first time posting and I’m just posting everything I’ve written so far (I literally just wrote it this evening) I hope you can bear with me🙃
Btw this is just pure whump and domestic caretaking/them seeing each other at their worst but it’s the idea that I had the most clear words for so this is what I’m starting off with
Andrea picks up the phone after the second ring.
“Hola mijo!” It’s a good thing you called actually, I was just about to prepare the tamales for lunch tomorrow. How are TK doing on the spices at the moment, is he picking up some tolerance yet? I don’t want to make them too spicy of course, but I really think he should taste them the way your grandma really used to make-“
“Hola Mama.” Carlos hurries. He feels bad for interrupting her but he wants to cancel their plans for lunch tomorrow as soon as possible so he can get back to TK. After today TK will probably be a bit more spice averse than usual anyway, he thinks with a frown, even though they have been working on him upping his tolerance lately.
“Actually mama, I’m really sorry for doing this so late, but I think we’re going to have to cancel tomorrow..”
“Oh no mijo, why? Is everything okay?” Andrea asks before Carlos can finish his sentence, concern lacing her voice.
“Yeah.. I mean, not really”, Carlos clarifies, picking the bridge of his nose. “Actually, TK’s not feeling so good at the moment.” That might be the understatement of the year, Carlos thinks but he doesn’t think TK would want him to lay out all the gritty details of his current condition. “He um, he had those tacos, you know, from that place out by Cameron Road, the one that they’ve been trying to shut down for year-“
Carlos is interrupted again by his mother gasping dramatically at the other end of the line.
“Carlitos!” She admonishes. “You haven’t warned him off about that place?!”
“Why is everybody blaming me?” Carlos feels his voice raising to a higher octave in exasperation. “He doesn’t even usually work in that district!-“
Carlos is once again interrupted, but this time it is by the sound of a painful sounding heave coming from the direction of the open door to their bathroom, followed by a pitiful whine. It shakes him out of his exasperation at being wrongfully appointed the blame for TK’s current misery. Logical or not, he does actually feel bad that he didn’t warn TK off about the taco shop that is by now known by probably all Austin locals, and not for serving delicious tacos - unfortunately.
He can almost hear his mothers pointed silence though the phone, and sighs. The Reyes kids all know better than to argue against Andrea, and she knows it - and exploits in too, although only in situations like these when there isn’t too much at stake. She too, has learned that especially when it comes to Carlos, her doing her best to listen even when she doesn’t fully understand, has repaired their relationship after too many years of just assuming that everything was alright.
He sighs. “I know, I really wish I had told him about it. He really doesn’t feel good mama.” Carlos says worriedly. It’s not that he’s feeling incapable of taking care of TK, but seeing him being in so much pain always makes Carlos feel a little bit desperate and talking to his mom about it makes him feel a little bit less out of his depth.
“I can imagine”, Andrea muses, also sounding like she hates that idea so much. Carlos sometimes still can’t get over how his parents took to TK so quickly, treating him almost as if he was their son too. “It’s a good thing he has you to take care of him Carlitos, I’m sure you’re the best there is at making feel at least a little bit better“ she reassures. Carlos forgets sometimes how well she knows him - or maybe he’s still getting used to believing it again. “I’ll tell your sisters that you two had to cancel,” Andrea continues, “and you let me know if there is anything I can do or if you need me to bring you anything.”
Carlos takes a deep breath, feeling his mom’s reassurances calm him a little. He can do this. “Thank you mama, I will. Although he probably would rather not have anybody seeing him like this, other than me and maybe Owen..”
Another pitiful sound from the bathroom reminds him why he wanted get this conversation over quickly. “I gotta go mama, but thank you. And say hi to Ana and Luisa from us,” he quickly says, before hanging up. He has some shopping to do. But first he’s gonna go rub his poor husbands back for a little while.
I have no idea whatsoever of who has and hasn’t been tagged, so I’ll tag @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @paperstorm in appreciation if their recent following me back because that made me really happy thanks guys (gender neutral)🙃☺️
Anybody else seeing this wanting to be tagged should consider themselves hereby tagged !!
#seven sentence sunday#my wip’s#tarlos whump#tarlos fanfiction#tarlos sickfic#cw: mentions of vomiting#tk strand whump#domestic Tarlos#also bad tacos
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Hi Hello I am having such a crisis and have literally no clue who else to talk to so here I am! (Side-Note before I actually start: your blog is very very cool and has been such a great help to since I figured out I was aspec)
So basically I figured out I was ace a few years ago (I’m a minor btw) and then about a year later that I was aro. I have been pretty stable in my identity since and am out to my close friends (and mom but only the ace part), even rejected one of said close friends because of just that (which was really difficult because I really really really like him and did not do not want to hurt him but like I just can’t see myself having a romantic relationship with him, or anyone for that matter, at all). Anyway I met this girl at school yesterday (we only started talking today though), we’ll call her Marie for simplicity’s sake, and she’s really pretty and nice and funny and soo cool. I’m pretty sure she flirted with me and it actually felt good (all other instances of flirting by guys and gals alike have felt sooo weird ngl) yet I stellt felt that strange disconnect feeling I always get when someone flirts w me just like, quieter? I’ll probably only see her tomorrow and then not again for a long time (or maybe even forever) if I don’t actively reach out to her (she gave me her number btw) and I’d really like to be friends… now, thing is I think I have a crush???? Maybe??? I dunno???? I think I would like to be with her in theory but as soon as I imagine myself kissing Marie or even holding hands I get a cringing uncomfortable sensation… On top of that I don’t even know if she likes girls, so I might not even have a shot at all. And even if I were crushing on Marie and she liked girls and liked me I dunno if I would be able to have a relationship with because a) I suck at communicating b) I’m a nervous wreck that just randomly ghosts people for weeks on end despite wanting to text them and c) I think the guilt towards the friend who confessed to me would kill me
I’m sorry if I bothered you w this but I really needed someone to talk to and maybe you might even have some words of advice
So the number one thing to remember is that you don't have to have everything figured out right away. Based on this alone, a lot of things are possible, and things will be more clear as you gather more experiences and things progress in general. Right now it does sound like you're still repulsed at the idea of doing romantic things with Marie, it's impossible to say if that may change in the future or not unless you personally have a strong feeling about it.
Could it be a crush? Maybe? It is possible to get crushes but not want to act on them, or be too repulsed to act on them. Or to experience romantic attraction but not the full range or romantic desire to go with it. It's also possible to experience other types of attraction that isn't romantic or sexual, but if you're not aware they exist it can be easy to mistake them (squishes for example is a type of platonic crush where you want to be close or important to the person you're attracted to, and can feel a lot like a romantic crush except that it doesn't feel romantic at all).
I get where you may feel like you're on a deadline because you may not see Marie again after today, it's up to you if you want to try and stay in contact, but if you have the capacity to experience these feelings with one person, it's likely you will again (or if you don't, it's a hiccup and you don't have to worry about it). So whatever choices you make, you will figure things out eventually.
Try not to feel guilty if you want to explore your feelings here even though you turned your friend down. It hurts to reject people, but it's always the right choice if you don't feel like you can reciprocate how they want, and it's the kindest choice in the long run. But that doesn't bar you from exploring your feelings or even trying a relationship at some point in the future if you ever end up wanting to, you will still have done the right thing turning down someone you didn't feel right entering a relationship with. These things are complicated.
Hopefully this is helpful, but if you want to dig into something more or have more questions, feel free to send in another ask.
All the best!
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September 10th, 2023 — 24/100 days of productivity
I started the final chapter of my thesis, even if this was supposed to be my final day of post exams Rest and Reset™. I simply got too excited to be back working on it, and I also saw how tight the deadline truly is so yeah, it was a mix of genuine panic and love.
My plan is to finish the first paragraph between tonight (I am a night owl) and tomorrow, then send it to my supervisor for corrections (he prefers to correct paragraph by paragraph instead of the whole chapter all at once). I plan on sending him the final paragraph by next week, and then finalize the thesis with an introduction and a conclusion (+ summary in Italian) by the end of next week. And, if everything goes according to plan, I will be done with it.
I am so excited about it, I cannot wait for my thesis to be done — not because it's daunting, but because I poured so much love into it, it will be a pleasure to see it all finished, polished up, shiny and ready to be read by the world. Well, not the world, just my supervisor and my friends. Not even my family, my mum does not speak English. But I will print out a nice copy for her to keep because she supported me a lot while I was writing it. Thanks, mum!! 💗
Btw, seeing these books on my desk filled me up with joy in ways I didn't think were possible. Little me would have passed out if she knew I would be writing my thesis on Norse mythology. I guess dreams do come true
#mars's café#studyblr#study#studymotivation#studying#studywithme#studyinspiration#studyspo#studytime#studyinspo#student#motivation#studyblog#studentlife#studycommunity#school#university#aesthetic#dark academia#dark academia aesthetic#light academia#100dop#100 days of productivity#mars 100 dop#100 dop
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BTW can you believe that tomorrow is the deadline to submit TLT Bang summaries and I still haven’t picked between Multiple detailed outlines? I totally can :)
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I [now] use NixOS, btw
Day 58 - Jan 2nd, 12.024
So today's post is kinda different to me, because I'm now writing it in Obsidian as I normally do. Why?
Because I finally switched to NixOS! Sort of.
I pretty much at this moment have a totally clean install, no custom configuration, no installed software, nothing. Just the vanilla GNOME installation. Hopefully until tomorrow I have, at least part of, my previous environment set up, but I'm writing this right now directly on Tumblr's editor, because there's the possibility that I don't install Obsidian in time for this post's deadline.
It's feels good having a clean install again, for some reason I always feel great trying new things related to my computer and Linux.
Nonetheless, tomorrow I will probably do a better post explaining about what I want to do, what's NixOS, why I'm using it in more details, yadda yadda. For now if you end up curios, you can read Day 49's entry: Another "return", another "Change"
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Today's artists & creative things
Video: Ultimate NixOS Guide - by Vimjoyer
You know it will be good when the channel's name is Vimjoyer. This is the channel that most interested me in NixOS, and is now helping me into this new distro and way of using and organizing my computer. Having everything declarative in my computer can be a game changer for me.
---
Copyright (c) 2024-present Gustavo "Guz" L. de Mello <[email protected]>
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0) License
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this is part 2 of my extremely long lore update of my missing month in tumblr. here's part 1 <3
i'll also put this one behind the cut just in case
26. we start when this extremely important event happened !!!
THEY'RE PLAYING 'MÚSICA LIGERA' IN THE SUPERMARKET
[there is a lyric in música ligera [go listen to it. or else] that goes 'la música de fondo en los supermercados' so 'the background music at the supermarkets']
27. when spring officially started and suddenly life was bearable once again
28. the sequel.
bomb the ucm [yes. i tweeted the exact same thing]
24 nearly 25 years old and i just learned how to sign stuff with the electronic certificate. i want to shoot my foot i can't do this anymore
the thing is today i've been 3 hours calling the same 4 fucking numbers every 10 minutes only for them to tell me 'hahah everything you did last week is useless lol. but don't worry the deadline is thursday you still have time :)' [this was on a tuesday btw]
the world if the digital certificate and autofirma didn't exist
so yeah. everything i did on march 15th was useless. lol. i sent proof of my physical deposit of the application and they told me i couldn't <3. in the end i had to sign it digitally through a different administrative process and lol. i hate bureoucracy so fucking much.
28. i do love taylor swift but yeah
the eras tour: bellodrama tour:
-without ana mena -with ana mena
-52728€ tickets -22€ tickets
-she doesn't sing 'las 12' -she sings 'las 12'
the choice is yours
29. it's time for the 'hole in the bedroom' arc <3
[pic 1]
today my bedroom disappears
it wasn't a joke
[pic 2]
do you like my new setup?
SO. i honestly can't remember if i said this here but idk almost a month ago now i guess some of my floorplanks strated to lift. out of nowhere. so we called people to look into it and there was a water leak. so they had to dismantle my bed (you can see the frame in the lighter floorboards lol) and now i sleep in the attic; a room my dad has always used to hoard stuff <3 yesterday they filled the hole so that's nice, but now they have to slash the floor and for that they need all of the furniture gone. my house is basically just a long hallway so there just isn't enough space. it's gonna be fun :) oh and also we've decided to paint the room while we're at it. so i'll probably won't be able to sleep here for at least a month i imagine. this is my current setup btw, i'm writing this from here:
30. this one's a preamble of what's to come. i'm so sorry.
me: existing at any moment
my brain: i think it's time to play 'me he pillao x ti' on a loop
[now it's doing the same but with 'un clásico' <3]
31. ANA MENA WORLD DOMINATION DAY
i'll do the small tweets first and then go in chronological through pics 5, 6, and 7
GOOD DAY
the way i know for a fact that 'me he pillao x ti' would've appeared on skam españa s2 if the show had been made now
if i am already annoying with ana mena the day i fall for someone i'll be incredibly unbearable i want y'all to know it
i want ana mena to know she's changed lives today
[pic 6]
the pause in the first listen of bellodrama to listen on loop to 'me he pillao x ti' is so real actually
no words with 'un millón de lunas'
MENAmoro [i fall in love]... her mind
ana mena has made me want to go out and party for the first time in my life i can't
[pic 7]
why all songs in bellodrama have their titles with the first letter capitalized Like This except Tomorrow god Will Say? what is she trying to tell us
reply to the tweet: atheist legend
[pic 8]
i didn't choose to be anamenista i only was lucky
ana mena you gave us everything
ana mena you are the pop artist of this generation. you are everything and you are summer and the sun and margaritas. you give everything and you're the best.
i love you ana mena
32. i went back to working on my fantasy book :)
i am gonna try working on my fantasy book after more than half a year. wish me luck.
665 words #slay
33. i know you missed me talking about fictional shows that don't even exist but here you go
i need there to exist some kind of glee españa specifically so a character can sing this song to their crush and i can finish losing my mind
33. this is the last ana mena post I SWEAR
(chronologically)
half of the views are mine
the way i hadn't listened to it before the album dropped and now i'm OBSESSED
34. la caixa incident
can someone explain to me how la caixa, a catalan business, is telling me to send them documents in english for the scholarship??
so yeah. the sent me an email telling me they needed some documents in english i had sent them in spanish (which lol) and after doing so proceeded to accept my application :) apparently it's a pretty fucking good scholarship so i'm a bit hopeful i'll be able to make it <3
35. places i've been to in spain!
i know i have to visit the north more i know
36. my most listened to songs in march 💀
37. MANDATORY MEMORIAS DE IDHÚN TWEET THAT IS SCARILY ACCURATE TO MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
i am fascinated with the fact that one day laura gallego wrote three fat ass books projecting herself into a unicorn girlie that's involved with two dudes without knowing that with them she would forever change the brain chemicals of a new generation of spanish writers
38. and that's it :)
PEOPLE I GOT BACK MY TUMBLR ACCOUNT WE WON
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I'm alive! More or less.
Haven't really been on social media for over a month coz I have enough stress in my life as it is.
This situation will end in April either way, even if my adhd brain will let me finish my thesis and even if not (deadline is in April).
So hang in there!
I will be back.
Not a promise, but a fact.
Btw off topic, my gf said i should be a tattoo artist as a hobby after i graduate and can start working full-time. Tbh i haven't heard this since i was 13 and i still like the idea. Tomorrow, we will visit a local Tattoo Expo with my gf (hoping to get my own tattoo upgraded there haha).
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I'm worried about something and I didn't have anyone else to go to, I was on your blog debating on if I should send an ask or not because I know you probably have a lot of them already and I didn't want to add more to that but I don't have anyone else I can really confide in so here I am, I hope this isn't a lot and I'm sorry if it is. Also, I'm sorry if this seems like such a small problem compared to many other asks you get.
I have a situation, it's all really entangled in each other but I'll explain the best way I can, I have something huge I have to do and I've been putting it off because I'm having issues with my anxiety and OCD, and because I've been putting it off, I've ended up not answering a few people close to me and it's been a while since I've talked to them, one particular person is my best friend and I had someone explain why I left yet she's mad I've been gone for a while(for context a few weeks but she knew I'd be gone for a bit but not this long) as I saw her message today and couldn't answer because she said and I quote, "I can't wait to see what lame excuse you come up with this time," and of course it made me feel even worse and scared/anxious.
I have issues with communication, mainly I am afraid to tell people how I really feel due to not wanting to hurt them or have them be mad at me(I've had some mental and emotional abuse from my parents and that's a result of it). I really don't know how to confront her, especially since first before I talk to her again I have to do the huge thing I mentioned in the first paragraph but I'm very anxious about it because I'm scared of failing even though I know I won't fail as it's easy for me to do(it's huge but I've been worrying as it can change a lot in a good way but I don't know why it seems I'm so afraid of change or afraid of being happy, I don't know what I'm worried about). I have to do it now like tomorrow now because that's when there is a 'deadline' for it and it's easy for me but yet I'm scared of doing it, I've never been scared of change, especially good change or maybe I'm scared of failing and being stuck in a horrible situation again, I've been trying not to confront those feelings of fear too much because it brings even more anxiety than I already have.
And about this friend, she's my best friend but she doesn't understand that I can't be there for her all the time(she wants to talk every day and I have a hard time telling her that because she might get mad at me) and we have had a rocky friendship, arguments about a few things and most of the time(well all honestly) I've had to say sorry about things I know I didn't need to or wasn't my fault and somehow she never says sorry either, she's always very "I'm never wrong," and she seems to always make me feel guilty for many things and even though I adore her, I always wonder if my life would be better if we weren't friends or if I would be lonely like I used to. She gave me confidence yet she breaks it down at the same time especially when it feels like she's trying to "mother" me.
There's a lot of stuff I've been through that she knows about and I always have to explain to her why I do certain things and yet she still seems to never understand that I can't always be there for her. I don't expect her to understand everything yet when it comes to her problems and anytime she needs a break, I never complain nor do I get mad at her nor do I make her feel like shit for being away and living her life.
Sighhh, I don't want to make this too long but I hope it wasn't much and that it isn't eaten(Tumblr does that to asks sometimes), thank you for having such a great blog btw! even if you don't get this, I'm still glad to know there are such good people out there willing to take time out of their day to help others and give them even a little peace of mind.
Hi anon,
First of all I'm so sorry to not only hear about the abuse you've been through but also the situation you're in with your friend.
If you want to answer her text, I think you should just be honest and explain how your issues with communication make it difficult to respond. But at the same time I think it's worth highlighting that she has a hard time understanding that you can't always be there, especially that she expects you to talk to her every single day. That's unrealistic and honestly nobody should expect that from a friend. I think it's also a red flag that she doesn't seem to take responsibility for any wrongdoing and refuses to apologize for any reason, as well as making you apologize for things that aren't even your fault.
I want to suggest that while it's nice that she gives you confidence and builds you up, it's not worth the fact that she breaks you down too. I think that while you may feel a sense of loss by breaking ties with her, in the long run it sounds like it may be for the best.
If you want to cut ties with her, it may actually be best to ghost her. I wouldn't usually recommend this but I feel like there's no way to communicate to her that you no longer want to be friends with her without it getting messy. But then again, you know her much better than me, so it's ultimately your call.
At the end of the day, I think it's better to have no friend than a toxic friend. You deserve nothing but the best. I hope everything goes well. Please let us know if you need anything, we're here for you.
-Bun
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April 20th, 2024 - Arcaea, ProSeka, IIDX 31
really felt like procrastinating on my homework today, so i grinded out arcaea world mode and got a random PM on I've heard it said FTR-8!! MAX-13!!
on the way to work (real), i got this really funny AP on Gekkou Hard whilst ringing the signal to stop here and then getting OFF the bus, ALL WHILE STILL KEEPING AN ALL PERFECT. God .
instead of studying during my break at work, i got an AP on Hand in Hand APPEND Lv.28 :] Append AP #7!!!
before work, i remembered that the Triple Tribe Part 2 event for IIDX/DDR/SDVX was about to end, yet I hadn't played a set of IIDX after unlocking Ambivalent Vermilia which meant i was due to lose it there until next ver. if i didn't play a set before the event deadline tomorrow. frantically, i ran to round 1 after work and straight to the IIDX cabs, where I awaited my grand turn and thought about wanting to play one set of the new licenses before leaving. but as i thought i would just play one and go... i suddenly got good at the game?? like, i was playing better than i thought i could?? no, this can't be right... but it really was true. i thought i'd be super rusty and exhausted from work, but i was doing almost as good as my nonran self!! hooray!! look at all the scores i reaped from this skillboost trip!!!
(btw Jumper SPA is an 11 and i will forever stand by that statement until i actually get good at the game. or until the end of time. whichever comes first)
i thought the gamering would end there, but on the bus ride back home i got a PM CHOKE on AI NOV FTR-9+!!! OUT OF NOWHERE!!! HOW!!!
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hello laurie<3 the two hour class route anon here and i wanted to tell you that i just finished reading nothing happens. and oh god. oh gOD?? OH MY FUCKING GOD JAMES ARE YOU OKAY??? I CANNOT BELIEVE THE MAN WHAT IS HE DOING WTF???? but also like... get it tho i hope u stay delusional as long as possible bc ohh he's gonna get so hurt😭😭 also him just casually saying 'we're such bros<3' abt reg after haviNG HIS HAND DOWN HIS PANTS HE'S SO UNSERIOUS ONG😭 and reg is just like '🧍♂️is this bitch fr-' bc wHAT is the meaning of platonic for these two
but. also. james just feeling sm love for reggie from when they meet that he doesn't even suspect he has romantic feelings for him bc he's just. always felt that way???? oh my GOD IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE
also emma😭 she's just going through it bc what kind of shit is this man pulling w her i was actually flabbergasted reading how james justified that damn kiss ong???
honestly just really looking forward to sirius' reaction to all this when he figures it out. i mean he spent like 3 years having his bsf and brother be jealous of each other for having to share him and now they're just doing whatever it is that they're doing and he cant even get mad at james bc the man doesn't even know‼️‼️ he's actually gonna go bald over these two omg
absolutely love them sm will be thinking abt these two on the route tmrw they're so so precious and silly i love them hope they get their shit together, even if its just for the sake of sirius' hair💗 thank you soo much for writing and sharing them with us i hope you have a great week<33
(also- didn't manage to complete the paper but the deadline hasn't passed yet so i'll just complete it tomorrow)
OMG HI BABE <333 genuinely don't know how u can deal with such a long commute, it takes me like . 45 min to get to work and that's already painful enough..
anyway HE IS NOT OKAY THAT'S THE PROBLEM and yes he's gonna get quite hurt, both he and reggie will be suffering A Lot and it's mostly bc they're dumb . and ridiculous . and also obsessive and toxic and don't know how to maintain a healthy dynamic. the make out scene is HILARIOUS to me, i couldn't keep a straight face while writing it, james is not real he really isn't. reg is at his fucking limit ngl. and also . quite confused
HE LOVES REGGIE SO FUCKING MUCH LIKE IT'S LOWKEY CONCERNING ATP but yeah if u stop and think about it, it does make sense, why james is unable to . distinguish between platonic and romantic when it comes to reg
I KNOWWWW i'm team james always that's my boy but also . i totally support emma, she should've punched him imo, bc what was james even saying HE WAS SO FUCKING INFURIATING DURING THAT WHOLE CONVO I SWEAR
oooooh i'm also looking forward to writing sirius' reaction, it's one of my fav parts of nothing happens, bc he does . go insane . although probably not for the usual reasons. but it's a very complicated situation and sirius is kinda . conflicted considering who are the ppl involved. IT'S SUCH A MESS he will go bald at this rate
i'm so very happy you like them so far and that ur loving this series this much <3 ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING YOU'VE BEEN BRAINROTTING ABOUT THEM (me too btw ur so very real). and they will get their shit together i promise!! it's gonna take quite long and i can't promise they'll have a healthy relationship by the end of this but !! they'll sort things out <333
(good luck my love, i hope u finish it in time for the deadline, i'm rooting for u and sending u a very big hug LOVE U <3)
#asks#insane commute nonnie#fic series: nothing happens#i hope u know this ask made my whole day#single-handedly pulled me through work i'm so serious
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i don't know about others, but i like your writing, we all have our moments of self doubt, but that doesn't mean we are bad at the things we do, we usually tend to be too severe with the things we ourselves do in ways we would never be with others, there is quite the chance, that if you had read what you had written, but didnt know it was you, you would have liked it (i am an awkward person and i am not good with words, so sorry for that XD
also, i hope that you feel better soon, and if you need to take a break from writing, then take it, please cherish your mental health!
Thansk anon I really appreciate it ❤️
I'm gonna rant here for a bit but basically I'm in this big group project for university and in this project we did a short film and there's written part, which is basically an academic essay that is required. We have had this big project before and the essay portion is always required and I've literally been part of the writing team (against my will) in ALL projects, and from early on I said i had not wanted to write this shit again but because we were working with an even smaller group and I got lowkey accused of "doing nothing" in the project, I ended up writing the damn paper.
The thing is, I was pretty much the ONLY person in the group writing the essay, which is about value afro-brazilian culture, and that is a hard topic for me to write about because I'm literally the whitest person in the whole group and i have very little contact to that aspect of brazilian culture due to my upbringing.
But i wrote it anyways, I researched, and every single time I asked for help from the other people in my group (and especially from the people who were black and had more contact with their culture) I got told "we're already doing too much, we can't help you" or "I don't know how to write this." And yes I got irritated because this part of the project is literally worth more points than the short filme but I let it go because yeah doing the film would be complicated and I had HOPED that once they were done with filming, the rest of the group, which now would be doing nothing, would help me with the writing.
And like... only 1 person helped after the filming was done and I still helped them a lot. And btw, everything that I'm saying here were things that I had communicated with the teacher, so he was aware of the struggle I had while writing that paper and he reassured me.
Well, tomorrow is the deadline and I woke today thinking well there's only two more thing to be written and then it'll be done but the teacher read the essay again and then sent a 3 minute voice message talking about all the parts of the essay that needed to be changed and that it still needed to be better and that if we were to turn it in right now, we would get a low grade. He also said like "you guys can't throw everything on Brenda's back, everyone needs to work on this" but still my heart fucking broke with what he said because since i'm the one who did 99% of thw writing, if we get a low grade it's on me because even when everyone KNEW we had to finish this by tomorrow, they prioritized things that were irrelevant to out grade and our project.
And I'm just so frustrated with this whole damn thing, I got blue screen after all the teacher said and began to cry because I have no idea what the fuck to do or how to fix this. At the very fucking least, the other people in the group finally decided to go write something and I already told them that I'm in no place of mind to be working on this shit right now.
Sorry this is too much anon but I haven't talked about this here before so this is the reason i've been so fucking stressed since september.
Once again, thank you anon
#at least teacher pushed th headline to saturday#but like i can't do it#i'm tired#i'm so fucking tired#i'm letting other fix this shit because i cannot#i'm working on my fic so that i can ease my mind#and that is actually working well#and also i'm on my period which means i'm way more emotional about this then i should be#anon#ask answered
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first blog entry!
EEEEEKKKK!! It's already 12 am @_@
Oh well! So, new blog. I'm really gonna try my best to keep this one alive I promiseeeee >_> Still unsure if I wanna make this public or not...we'll see. (If someone is reading this, then that means this is probably public LOL)
Anywaayys, update on my life :3
Today I actually finished my homework early!! Wooo!! ....30 minutes before the deadline, that is....but still, it's progress!! It's better than uploading it by 11:58 LOL
I actually should be sleeping right now, because tomorrow I have to wake up earlier than I'm used to bcuz my mom is sending one of her friends to teach me how to drive at 8am, 2 hours before my classes start T___T
I'm reeeaaallly nervous about driving, but I gotta say that I'm also really excited about getting my license. It would mean that I can go anywhere without needing my parents, who knows, it might even lead to some fun adventures! Which I desperately need BTW! It's not normal for a 19 year old to be this sheltered T_T even my 17 year old sister goes out more than I do!
But then again...I guess nothing about me is particularly normal, LOL!
Tomorrow (or i guess today xD) is my last day of classes for this quarter! Starting next week I'll have a new schedule! Which means I might not get to see my friends between and after classes anymore ;;
Well maybe I'll get to see my friend in my free hour if we have classes the same days, who knows! I'll for sure ask him tomorrow! Hopefully we do! I don't wanna be alone :[
Then there's this other guy who I talk to after class (actually IDK if we're actually friends LMAO) I probably won't see again LOL unless we end up having a class together in the spring semester, but honestly I doubt it. I might see him around campus tho.
Don't think i don't have any more friends tho! I do!! They're just in another city for college T_T But we're gonna hang out soon!!!
I think that's about all I have to say, at least for right now. I should get some sleep, tomorrow's gonna be hectic, i can feel it *_*
-- D ^__^
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