what if, double identity danny phantom au....

Ftm/transmasc Johnny thoughts...

(tw for everything on that topic)

His white-knuckled grasp on masculinity and the way he thinks he should perform it—all these arbitrary things he and others have applied manliness to, like how much meat is in his food, sucking up his feelings, and how attractive women find him: It all just feels like a person who thinks that if they don’t keep up a strict image of masculinity then everyone will take away that ‘Man’ title.

Just like any boy worries—especially trans boys.

Johnny wants to be perceived as and live as who he is. It’s hard when if you’re a nonconforming guy, you’ll be seen as just a girly boy, but when you’re someone who has to take more steps than that, who has to put in way more effort to even receive that “boy” title, anything could end up with you thrown back in the box of “girl”.

He had the privilege of having a rich stepdaddy who just wanted him to be quiet and behave however he could get that to happen—which happened to be testosterone, cutting his hair even shorter than it was, and being called “He”

Plus, a white lie that he was just an effeminate little kid who grew out of it to anyone who was confused as to where Laura’s pretty daughter went. He just had to avoid anyone who really knew him before.

Because people accept that more than the truth, which is that he was a girl who was always a boy.

Kreese was the only man besides Sid whom he had as a male role model—and of course, Kreese was the only one he loved. The one he thought he should be like—and we all know what a wonderful impact Kreese has.

He wasn’t allowed to care like his mother. He wasn’t allowed to cry. He wasn’t allowed to be a pussy. He wasn’t allowed to be anything but what he saw in front of him, what he saw in movies—stereotypical and obvious.

If he said he enjoyed the dresses his mother used to buy him, he's a faker.

If he mentions that he always loved little soldier toys and monster truck jammies, then he’s not faking. When he’s in the locker room talking about girls and football, isn’t faking. If his towel slips, he’s faking.

That’s how it is. It doesn’t matter who he is inside if people can’t see it.

It’s tiring. He didn’t really enjoy playing a whole new act.

But he clung to every shred of “proof” he had, even when he started to pass. Even when all the “Mis—I mean, Sir”s stopped, even when there was no trace of Joanie.

When she was dead to him and everyone that knew her.

Bobby was there the whole time, he watched Johnny’s progression, was the first to call him Johnny, and was the first Johnny felt comfortable changing in front of. Bobby had some difficulty with his parents over it, and it made Johnny feel terrible. It felt like he was a burden, and his freakiness would always get in the way. That’s why he took so long to be open with any of the the other Cobras about it, besides the fear of getting thrown in a lake for what he is.

Just his existence caused ripples.

He could always tell when his mother missed her daughter—some days he felt like a murderer.

He didn’t like the pressure he felt with the girls he pursued to be this overly masculine meathead. Ali never pushed him into anything—she actually seemed to hate his macho act—but there are rules to being a boyfriend, like there are rules to being a girlfriend, right? You gotta be dominating and tough, and you can’t let her touch your ass even if you want her to, and you can’t talk about other boys you find cute because only girls can like boys, and he’s not a girl just like he’s not a fag. That’s what it is to be the man of a woman.

He didn’t want to be questioned. He didn’t want to see doubt in anyone’s face.

Maybe it was one reason he was so fucking angry about Daniel.

It felt like Ali went off to find herself a real boy. One who couldn’t fight, had no muscles, and probably didn’t even know who Rocky was- did none of the things Johnny had to do.

He wasn’t even taller than Ali like Johnny!

He got to just got…relax into the role of being male.

But maybe it was his view of women that he learned from Kreese that drove her away. Maybe it’s how he forced himself to act. Maybe it’s because his strive had him stepping on women by accident.

Johnny found himself wanting to be more like Daniel. Unquestioned in his shortcomings. Effortlessly masculine yet not always doing what’s expected of him. He could do things like...keep his own hair silky without feeling like a gender traitor.

It was infuriating. It was unfair. It was embarrassing. It made him wonder if he slipped up with Ali and she lost attraction to him. He wondered If he wasn’t enough.

Kreese “had no issue with such a strong appreciation for the male lifestyle.” Saw that unique pain in Johnny as another way to mold him. Told Johnny that if his parents failed him, he’d be there to provide his hormones. You really can’t fuck up with a kid that desperate to be accepted, can you? Desperate, glowing potential Kreese needed to keep hidden under his wing. Doesn’t matter what he calls himself, as long as he does what Kreese tells him to.

He could drip alcohol into the cut when Johnny misbehaved with a simple pronoun slip up.

When Johnny got choked by Kreese and completely lost a pillar in his life, he fell completely into his persona, even when he was with the Cobras who always had a way of making him forget he wasn’t born like them.

Beer and chicks and cars and meat—hell yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah. Those are his favorite things. That’s all he wants. Men are supposed to want to fuck things and they’re supposed to look at porn, so he tries to want it. He’s a man’s man, and he never wants to do any of the feminine shit he used to.

He was near-frantic when he kept having rough patches and couldn’t afford his hormones without Sid’s allowance. His life was in that old man’s hands, and when Daniel raised the rent, he felt sickeningly afraid that he’d have to choose between giving up his dojo or giving up the shots that made him feel just okay enough to keep going.

It feels like the comfort of being the man came with a whole new torture caused by the weight of what it really means to be that man—The feeling or the performance? Is he still man enough if he misses a shot?

He never had any surgery. He honestly never really thought about it–he was the only trans person he knew growing up, and he didn’t really…want it? Whenever he told people his condition, that was always the question. “So...did you get surgery yet?”

Yet.

Like he had to do it. As if it were required of him, like all the countless other things, if he wanted to be who he was on the inside.

His chest was the same size as a man with pecs on the plumper side, so who cares? He liked the way he looked there. No one ever commented on his chest, because it’d be rude to say anything about that that to a man.

He didn’t want doctors touching him, or observing him. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to think about it.

He still wears binders like he used to and stuffs his pants every now and then—on hard days when he’s worried someone will look into his eyes and just...know.

I imagine Daniel having zero idea until he happened to find Johnny with his binder halfway on. Ending up ruddy and panicked and slamming the door closed to give Johnny privacy.

And Daniel’s old and not all that well-versed in such things, but he tries to be gentle with delicate topics and delicate people.

The talk he and Johnny would have would be awkward. Snappy and defensive on Johnny’s end.

He would somehow be more knowledgeable on the topic than Johnny and it wouldn’t go to far the first time, but slowly and surely Johnny would open up for him. Tell him more and more. Reveal what the big driver for his anger with him was.

There’s something sweetly validating about the man you considered an enemy for so long accepting you as you are and validating you—even with all the details.

Maybe Johnny starts to cry again. starts grooming himself again. Gaining his “I don’t care what you think because I could kick your ass” attitude.

Maybe all the joy of having people that care about him in his life—reconciling with his kid perhaps—has him relaxing his shoulders for once.

Maybe he lets himself try a queer bar. Lets his eyes wander over to other men, easy and guiltless unlike the other times, because truly what’s manlier than liking other men? Maybe he lets himself go home with one, lets himself ask for what he wants because the guy seemed to already understand everything, like he’d been with people like Johnny before. He had no expectations.

(There’s also a world where Sam confides in him about her feeling like she has to be hyper-feminine and palatable to be liked when maybe she wants to shave her head and still wear skirts—)

Donolinc/Cringe!AU pt. 3

Trans!John headcanon post HERE

Cringe!AU pt. 1 HERE

Cringe!AU pt. 2 HERE

Once again I'll give the same CW as the last post: if you don't wanna see any references to trans male pregnancy please blacklist the terms "mpreg" and "tmpreg", similar content to whats in Mafia 3 normally like violence, bigotry of the 1960's, war, etc.

General disclaimer: I'm still not good at drawing babies/young children and I'm not much of a writer personally so sorry if things are clunky.

John got home sometime around mid-November, laying low and skipping around the states altering his appearance a bit until he felt the heat died down enough he could return to Louisiana with no issues. Once he got home he was greeted by a very intense Lincoln alone at Sammy's while Dani was at Nicki's being watched. Lincoln was feeling a lot of stuff at once, like anger, but also just holding back emotions a bit, hiding at first that he was happy to see John coming through the door.

Obviously things got pretty intense emotionally a bit after John got into the house, but things cooled down (or heated up lol) and Lincoln immediately started teasing him for his more "messy" appearance, said he looked like a hippie.

Adjusting back home was pretty comforting for a bit, John's happy he can just stay inside, catch up with Dani and be lazy. Already he was naturally anti-social so staying in wasn't that much of an issue, just watching T.V and most he does is if Lincoln needs his help on something work related.

Wasn't too long until John started feeling sick again, waking up early to run to the bathroom, or accidentally throwing up at the worst times. He immediately had a "oh this better not be what I think it is again" and after a visit to Lincoln's personal doctor, yep, it was exactly what he thought it was.

Despite appearing angry, he was more annoyed and just wanted to give Lincoln a hard time. They were both fine with this because John's going to be more a homebody now and Lincoln can support them all. Dani, despite being 2, seemed pretty happy with the news, she kept saying "baby!" after being told.

John definitely wants to get serious about finally getting a hysterectomy after this kid though. Still kicking himself for not getting one earlier but oh well. Like the last pregnancy he was moody and wasn't allowed to smoke or drink, fell back into annoying Lincoln by popping gum around him constantly.

Rhys Clay was born August 10th 1972, Lincoln Clay and John Donovan his parents and Danielle Clay his older sister. Not named after anyone again but both parents were looking over names and just got attached to that one. Once again the baby was delivered at home with the same doctor as last time, only difference is that Dani could meet her new little brother as soon as they were able to.

Lincoln was very happy being a father of 2 now, though it was dawning on him that he needs an actual house for them now, but he has some time before both kids are big enough to get their own rooms. John feels a little weird knowing he's technically had 3 kids already but gets serious about getting a hysterectomy a bit after going back to normal after Rhys is born. Both John and Lincoln have to settle with a story now to tell people especially if John is seen walking around with both kids. Lincoln finally comes out about it all to the other 2 underbosses (since Nicki already knows), he's a father of 2 and the other parent is a trans man who happens to be the gangs advisor that's been working from the shadows ever since the beginning.

Vito and Cassandra don't take too kindly knowing that their bosses advisor is a now ex-C.I.A agent, and it does break out into a big argument between the underbosses, Lincoln and Donovan. Lincoln being so used to this now, he was able to get the argument under control by telling John to keep his mouth shut and telling the other 2 if he wasn't trustworthy, then why on earth would he willingly raise 2 children with him? It seems to work.

Some time passes: Dani starts school, shows a bit of an artistic streak while also showing signs of being very stubborn when she feels like it. Rhys shows signs of being autistic and is nonverbal until he's nearly 4 years old. The Clay Crime Family starts doing some good for the local area, renovating and building places, but also expanding their operations. Lincoln is basically untouchable now, which means his family is safe and sound as long as their around him.

John still goes around the city with both kids and visiting Robert, but can't seem to stop Robert from making snarky comments about both him and his kids, meanwhile Father James notices a lot of similarities between Rhys and Lincoln from back when he first came into the orphanage. Both very quiet boys but different circumstances.

Donovan takes a good break from his "side project", he's letting the heat die down since the whole senate hearing incident and he wants those folks he sent that message out for to get a false sense of security and think nothing more is going to happen, but John is planning on striking when they least expect it. He's not going to act for awhile though, doesn't wanna miss any birthdays and still be present during the kid's childhoods, also Rhys still needs a lot of attention.

Dani and Rhys are very close, and Dani always tries to get him involved with games she plays, Rhys is pretty quiet still and shy around new people but does start talking more to his family and other adults that come around, mostly Father James or Nicki Burke.

Rhys is the last kid and John tells Lincoln if he wants more, he can just figure that all out himself.

Both kids are still in development, character wise. I have some thoughts about Dani in her teen years, like going on with her friends a lot, as for Rhys, I'm still wondering what personality he has, though I see him getting into puzzles a lot. I'm open to any thoughts honestly, writing kids isn't really a strength for me and these are my first fan kid oc's for a piece of media I like.

But yeah, that's my cringe au! Been cooking it for awhile and finally got the guts to release it to the wild, like I said previously.

Have you noticed this trend of feminist women who generally don't hang out in TERF spaces defending conservatives? Like TERFs tend to think that femininity is oppressive, but these seem to think that femininity is under attack. They call themselves feminists, just like TERFs do, and they defend conservatives, just like TERFs do, but they come at it from a different angle.

I see this type of feminist so much on baby name websites. It's honestly mind-boggling how much the feminist cis moms on there keep missing the point of debates and derailing it to the point where they call normal people misogynist for basically nothing, while letting obvious sexists slink by. Actually I will use this as an example because I think it shows just how oblivious they are to gender essentialism. An average argument will go something like this:

Tradmomma: "My neighbour named her daughter Elliot Rebecca. Can you believe! A girl with a boy name! Horrible! Girls all want to be feminine and these parents are forcing masculinity on their baby!"

Divinemotherhood: "I know, they're trying to erase gender! My own husband suggested we name out son Evelyn after his grandfather, but no son of mine is going to have a sissy name. Thankfully I convinced my hubby and we named our baby Daniel."

Blueylover: "Idk, I like some boy names on girls. Elliot is a lovely choice. And there's good feminine nicknames too if she ends up girly, like Ellie!"

Allison1987: "Uh, I can't belive you, Blueylover! People like you who only like boy names on girls and not girl names on boys are the worst kind of sexist! Why can't you appreciate feminity? I bet you just give your daughters boy names because you want them to be CEOs one day, as if my daughter can't do the same with a girls' name! I want to bestow my daughters with names filled with women's history, so they have female rolemodels who share their name!

[Five people proceed to have a lengthy but shallow discussion about how it's more common to give girls boy names than the other way around (which could be interesting except the whole argument is too shallow to make any real points), and how that means that nobody values feminine women anymore. Blueylover is painted as a horrible misogynist, while Tradmomma and Divinemotherhood get completely forgotten. Someone asserts that their daughter, Annabella Ballerina Pink Princess, has a good, versital name that fits any type of personality she might have as an adult, and people agree that it forces fewer gender norms than Elliot Rebecca does. Blueylover leaves the forum and everyone pats themselves on the back for having cleared the space from people who disrespect women.]

There's so many of these types of "defend femininity at all costs" feminsts around me and I feel like I'm going insane. A conservative will call me a slur for being a (non-passing) trans man, and then one of these feminists will show up right after and say that my identity as a trans man is valid, but since I chose to dress like an average guy instead of wearing dresses and stuff, it means I'm disrespecting femininity so I'm sexist and deserved the bad treatment anyway. No shade towards femininity itself, but it's not for me, and it's weird that supposed feminists don't think I should be allowed to avoid it even after a lifetime of being forced into it.

Have you also noticed this type of feminist? I feel like there's more of them since the pandemic started. What's your take?

Yeah people like that give a bad name to feminism. It’s always the mothers commenting on other people’s children too and making assumptions about infants based on nothing but their biology.

This is why I have my own unique relationship with feminism and rarely go into solely feminist spaces. They’re way too often, in my experience, overrun with white, cishet, stereotypically feminine mothers with bigoted views, who think their way is the only way and anyone who disagrees just hates them because they’re women.

Ugly Betty really said trans rights while showing the spectrum of trans supporters and transphobes and showing what transpeople deal with.

Also I'm not sure if Daniel (I finally remembered the boss' name!) is transphobic or just mad at this person for doing a messed up thing. I understand why they did but I also understand why Daniel is mad. The thing in question that Daniel is mad at is TECHNICALLY related to transitioning but he doesn't seem like he's at that so much as mad at the consequences that THEIR PLAN had on him and the people he cares about. He kind of goes back and forth on pronouns and gendered terms.

Not giving spoilers is really hard.

Also I like that Betty brought Daniel research and books and movies to help him understand transgenderness to get him to call them by the correct pronouns while also understanding why he's mad at them and taking a gentle parent approach.

Also the person Daniel's mad at 100% thinks Betty is also trans because of the little elevator scene where Betty keeps sneaking glances at them and they think Betty is being transphobic but is actually just admiring them and when they talk about the horomone patch for the mustache Betty asks about it because bleaching HERS is always a pain and then they smile at that as they leave the elevator. I don't know if Betty is actually trans and that's why she's "ugly" but I'm pretty sure that's what this person thinks.

Not giving spoilers is HARD haha

Wait wait wait that end is actually really sweet

And that’s such an interesting storyline!!

Betty For Trans Rights!!!!!!

some trans!danny headcanons just because

or more like lgbt because this dude's definitely bi you cannot sway my mind. i need to dump these hcs somewhere people.

kind of a long blog i'm sorry.

i think danny realized his stance on gender quite early. probably early years of elementary school or smth. what i'm trying to get to with this is that his classmates could literally not care less and most probably didn't even realize the change. danny just became the standard instead of dani very soon.

jazz helped him most with his transition when he was a tween and helped him come out to their parents some years prior.

i like an idea i read just recently how jack goes "oh, danny-boy sounds great, son!" i love jack. he would definitely be like this.

jazz is definitely also the one who did the research on transitioning. danny knew she would help him with those things and he can't be bothered with them if she's already up for it anyway so he never told her to stop lol.

he probably eventually does some research on his own, though. both because some things are hard to ask/explain and because jazz didn't want to invade his privacy too much, especially as they got older.

the first time they go out to buy "boys' clothes" danny was so excited he probably throws all applicable aisles upside down ngl. they get told off for it by some store clerks later but they humor the kids all the way anyway. it's just what they have to say according to the rules.

when dash finds out, he will threatens to "stuff you into a locker just like i do fenton if you misgender him". it works really well and dash stays the only one to stuff him into lockers and hang him to flagpoles, just because "he's a loser".

very little changes between their dynamic which danny is honestly grateful for. although he could've gone without the bullying, but it's just whatever. however, down the line danny does notice that dash will be more careful with him and rarely has his hands near his chest.

literally every ghost understands him. even the most violent and evil of ghosts will beat up people who dare misgender him.

danny insists to both dash and ghosts that he can definitely handle himself though. but both threats already keep people enough at bay so he really doesn't have to anyway.

that, and amity park's small. there's very few people who had to be intimidated at all.

after years of being a half ghost and getting more used to and knowledgeable on ghost culture and practices, he'd probably reconsider his gender identity. this because i firmly believe most ghosts don't have a perception of gender. no one judges based on physical appearance considering there's so many ways people can die resulting in vastly different ghostly appearances.

that, and c'mon. they're dead. gender is the least of their afterlife concerns.

he'll still feel more masculine than anything, but the way no other ghosts ever judge him based on, well, literally anything a human would he starts feeling a bit of detachment from the concept of gender in general.

sooo what im trying to say is, demiboy danny? yes, demiboy danny all the way.

he might vibe with he/they because of this realization hmm.

looking back on when dash threatens people for danny's sake, he realizes that's probably when he found out he has a thing for other dudes too. something about him being so caring struck his heartstrings, much to his dismay. not like he'll ever admit this to anyone willingly.

i think jazz is definitely also sapphic. all girls are sapphic, they definitely give that vibe. anyway, the fenton siblings will often talk about their (celebrity) crushes together during their puberty years when hormones run amock.

while jazz is the one who does the research, sam probably helps him with all binder related stuff. she teaches him how to bind safely and reminds him at school to not wear it for too long after school or else it'll be dangerous.

idk why but i feel like sam would have some experience or at least knowledge on binders.

i think he's very confident in his identity and with himself. he may care about what people think of him sometimes, but his gender identity is not one of the things he cares about what others' opinions are.

he probably goes on T when he start's high school? he becomes more of a beanpole than he already was.

"you think you have it hard? im trans, gay and most of all DEAD. the universe didn't even let me pick a struggle." (/s) - is probably something he would say.

edit: i forgot this but i think danielle will decide to go by elle instead of dani to avoid verbal confusion but also because she knows that's what danny went by in the past. she respects this part of him a lot and decided against going by dani partially because of that.

The Dreaming: Waking Hours issue 8 review

I know I’m a bit late with this.   Issue eight of The Dreaming: Waking Hours was... okay.   That’s pretty much all I can say about it.  It’s fine.  It’s fine.  

The art is gorgeous.  I’ll give it that.  Daniel is just beautiful.  

Sometimes I can almost forget he randomly murdered an entire bachelor party just for drunkenly cat calling Ivy.  (I am NOT getting over that!)

It is a little annoying that Matthew somehow drastically misinterpreted Heather and her intentions.   Also when did Matthew know about Sykes, the protection amulet, and even when the helm was taken?  When did these off-camera conversations with Dream about his Preludes and Nocturnes misadventures happen?

I’m not a fan of miscommunication / lack of communication driven plots.  I, frankly, think they’re lazy.  The CW lives off them.  It’s part of why I stopped watching CW DC themed shows.  Every show was dependent on characters not talking to each other.  Even right now if you watch Batwoman a major plot is hinged on her keeping a kryptonite bullet wound a secret.  ...Why?   The reasoning is flimsy at best.

I seem to recall, during the Simon Spurrier run of The Dreaming that it was mentioned that Nuala gave Dream her love and or sympathy.  I forget the exact wording right now but I had a feeling back then that she meant literally, which entails her capacity to feel these emotions.  What could possibly go wrong with that?! (Sarcasm intended).  And this is probably the reason she is now ruling Faerie with an iron fist.

The joke about Faerie smelling a lot like weed was completely unnecessary and a bit of a mood killer for me. I’m tired of fantasy and surrealism being associated with being high.  

That’s petty, I know.

I’m still convinced Heather is actually trans.  It’s just not a major plot point, which is a good thing because I’ve come to like her and if her being trans is treated like an after thought, well, I think that’s wonderful.  So many writers treat being trans like that is a personality but no, she has a fully fleshed out personality and I even like her, a Hell of a lot more than Simon Spurrier’s OC (original character), Dora.  

The clues are there.  She’s on a permanent medication. (Probably hormones), Puck seemed to think her medical history was important.  (Either she’s trans or she has a very serious illness that hasn’t been brought up yet). Also her name.  Heather After. It feels like a chosen name to replace an unwanted deadname.  And the flashback of her parents being supportive, and encouraging, telling her she could wear what she wants, etc, but they draw the line at magick. 

 Anyway, yeah, that’s about it.  It’s good to see Mervyn NOT being used as a Trump supporter allegory.   We missed you, proper depiction of Mervyn Pumpkinhead.

 Is it wrong that I’ve started to care more about Heather than Ruin’s quest for Twu Lub? 

Also I still don’t like the idea that “Nightmares aren’t supposed to be able to feel love.”   Cain, Abel, and even The Corinthian 2.0 beg to differ. Remember, The Corinthian wept in The Sandman: The Kindly Ones. 

New Releases for the Week of May 3, 2021

It's great to see so many new books hitting the shelves this week. I know I've been waiting for several of these and am happy to be able to finally read them. 

The Ones We’re Meant to Find by Joan He Roaring Brook

Cee has been trapped on an abandoned island for three years without any recollection of how she arrived, or memories from her life prior. All she knows is that somewhere out there, beyond the horizon, she has a sister named Kay. Determined to find her, Cee devotes her days to building a boat from junk parts scavenged inland, doing everything in her power to survive until the day she gets off the island and reunites with her sister.

In a world apart, 16-year-old STEM prodigy Kasey Mizuhara is also living a life of isolation. The eco-city she calls home is one of eight levitating around the world, built for people who protected the planet―and now need protecting from it. With natural disasters on the rise due to climate change, eco-cities provide clean air, water, and shelter. Their residents, in exchange, must spend at least a third of their time in stasis pods, conducting business virtually whenever possible to reduce their environmental footprint. While Kasey, an introvert and loner, doesn’t mind the lifestyle, her sister Celia hated it. Popular and lovable, Celia much preferred the outside world. But no one could have predicted that Celia would take a boat out to sea, never to return.

Now it’s been three months since Celia’s disappearance, and Kasey has given up hope. Logic says that her sister must be dead. But as the public decries her stance, she starts to second guess herself and decides to retrace Celia’s last steps. Where they’ll lead her, she does not know. Her sister was full of secrets. But Kasey has a secret of her own. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee Quill Tree Books

Noah Ramirez thinks he’s an expert on romance. He has to be for his popular blog, the Meet Cute Diary, a collection of trans happily ever afters. There’s just one problem—all the stories are fake. What started as the fantasies of a trans boy afraid to step out of the closet has grown into a beacon of hope for trans readers across the globe.

When a troll exposes the blog as fiction, Noah’s world unravels. The only way to save the Diary is to convince everyone that the stories are true, but he doesn’t have any proof. Then Drew walks into Noah’s life, and the pieces fall into place: Drew is willing to fake-date Noah to save the Diary. But when Noah’s feelings grow beyond their staged romance, he realizes that dating in real life isn’t quite the same as finding love on the page.

In this charming novel by Emery Lee, Noah will have to choose between following his own rules for love or discovering that the most romantic endings are the ones that go off script. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

They Better Call Me Sugar: My Journey from the Hood to the Hardwood by Sugar Rodgers Black Sheep

Growing up in dire poverty in Suffolk, Virginia, Sugar (born Ta’Shauna) Rodgers never imagined that she would become an all-star player in the WNBA (Women’s National Basketball Association). Both of her siblings were in and out of prison throughout much of her childhood and shootings in her neighborhood were commonplace. For Sugar this was just a fact of life.

While academics wasn’t a high priority for Sugar and many of her friends, athletics always played a prominent role. She mastered her three-point shot on a net her brother put up just outside their home, eventually becoming so good that she could hustle local drug dealers out of money in one-on-one contests.

With the love and support of her family and friends, Sugar’s performance on her high school basketball team led to her recruitment by the Georgetown Hoyas, and her eventual draft into the WNBA in 2013 by the Minnesota Lynx (who won the WNBA Finals in Sugar’s first year). The first of her family to attend college, Sugar speaks of her struggles both academically and as an athlete with raw honesty.

Sugar’s road to a successful career as a professional basketball player is fraught with sadness and death–including her mother’s death when she’s fourteen, which leaves Sugar essentially homeless. Throughout it all, Sugar clings to basketball as a way to keep herself focused and sane.

And now Sugar shares her story as a message of hope and inspiration for young girls and boys everywhere, but especially those growing up in economically challenging conditions. Never sugarcoating her life experiences, she delivers a powerful message of discipline, perseverance, and always believing in oneself. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by Joya Goffney HarperTeen

Quinn keeps lists of everything—from the days she’s ugly cried, to “Things That I Would Never Admit Out Loud,” to all the boys she’d like to kiss. Her lists keep her sane. By writing her fears on paper, she never has to face them in real life. That is, until her journal goes missing…

An anonymous account posts one of her lists on Instagram for the whole school to see and blackmails her into facing seven of her greatest fears, or else her entire journal will go public. Quinn doesn’t know who to trust. Desperate, she teams up with Carter Bennett—the last known person to have her journal—in a race against time to track down the blackmailer.

Together, they journey through everything Quinn’s been too afraid to face, and along the way, Quinn finds the courage to be honest, to live in the moment, and to fall in love. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Hurricane Summer by Asha Bromfield Wednesday Books

Tilla has spent her entire life trying to make her father love her. But every six months, he leaves their family and returns to his true home: the island of Jamaica.

When Tilla’s mother tells her she’ll be spending the summer on the island, Tilla dreads the idea of seeing him again, but longs to discover what life in Jamaica has always held for him.

In an unexpected turn of events, Tilla is forced to face the storm that unravels in her own life as she learns about the dark secrets that lie beyond the veil of paradise—all in the midst of an impending hurricane.

Hurricane Summer is a powerful coming of age story that deals with colorism, classism, young love, the father-daughter dynamic—and what it means to discover your own voice in the center of complete destruction. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Indivisible by Daniel Aleman Little, Brown Books for Young Readers

There is a word Mateo Garcia and his younger sister Sophie have been taught to fear for as long as they can remember: deportation. Over the past few years, however, the fear that their undocumented immigrant parents could be sent back to Mexico has started to fade to the back of their minds. And why wouldn’t it, when their Ma and Pa have been in the United States for so long, they have American-born children, and they’re hard workers and good neighbors?

When two ICE agents come asking for Pa, the Garcia family realizes that the lives they’ve built are about to come crumbling down. And when Mateo returns from school one day to find that his parents have been taken, he’ll have to come to terms with the fact that his family’s worst nightmare has become a reality.

With his Ma and Pa being held in separate detention centers, Mateo must learn how to look after his sister and himself. The choices Mateo makes, and the people he turns to for help, might reunite his family… or tear them apart for good. With his parents’ fate and his own future hanging in the balance, Mateo must figure out who he is and what he is capable of, even as he’s forced to question what it means to be an American teenager in a country that rejects his own mom and dad. — Cover art and summary via Goodreads

Counting Down with You by Tashie Bhuiyan Inkyard Press

Karina Ahmed has a plan. Keep her head down, get through high school without a fuss, and follow her parents’ rules—even if it means sacrificing her dreams. When her parents go abroad to Bangladesh for four weeks, Karina expects some peace and quiet. Instead, one simple lie unravels everything.

Karina is my girlfriend.

Tutoring the school’s resident bad boy was already crossing a line. Pretending to date him? Out of the question. But Ace Clyde does everything right—he brings her coffee in the mornings, impresses her friends without trying, and even promises to buy her a dozen books (a week) if she goes along with his fake-dating facade. Though Karina agrees, she can’t help but start counting down the days until her parents come back.

T-minus twenty-eight days until everything returns to normal—but what if Karina no longer wants it to? — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

All Kinds of Other by James Sie Quill Tree Books

In this tender, nuanced coming-of-age love story, two boys—one who is cis and one who is trans—have been guarding their hearts to protect themselves, until their feelings for each other give them a reason to stand up to their fears.

Two boys are starting at a new school.

Jules is just figuring out what it means to be gay and hasn’t totally decided whether he wants to be out at his new school. His parents and friends have all kinds of opinions, but for his part, Jules just wants to make the basketball team and keep his head down.

Jack is trying to start over after a best friend break-up. He followed his actor father clear across the country to LA, but he’s also totally ready to leave his past behind. Maybe this new school where no one knows him is exactly what he needs.

When the two boys meet, the sparks are undeniable. But then a video surfaces linking Jack to a pair of popular transgender vloggers, and the revelations about Jack’s past thrust both Jack and Jules into the spotlight they’ve been trying to avoid. Suddenly both boys have a choice to make—between lying low where it’s easier or following their hearts. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Luck of the Titanic by Stacey Lee G.P. Putnam's Sons Books for Young Readers

Southampton, 1912: Seventeen-year-old British-Chinese Valora Luck has quit her job and smuggled herself aboard the Titanic with two goals in mind: to reunite with her twin brother Jamie--her only family now that both their parents are dead--and to convince a part-owner of the Ringling Brothers Circus to take the twins on as acrobats. Quick-thinking Val talks her way into opulent firstclass accommodations and finds Jamie with a group of fellow Chinese laborers in third class. But in the rigidly stratified world of the luxury liner, Val's ruse can only last so long, and after two long years apart, it's unclear if Jamie even wants the life Val proposes. Then, one moonless night in the North Atlantic, the unthinkable happens--the supposedly unsinkable ship is dealt a fatal blow--and Val and her companions suddenly find themselves in a race to survive.

Stacey Lee, master of historical fiction, brings a fresh perspective to an infamous tragedy, loosely inspired by the recently uncovered account of six Titanic survivors of Chinese descent.

# What has happened to JK Rowling?

Growing up in the early 2000s immediately made Harry Potter a huge part of your childhood. Even if you never read the books or watched the films, you can probably name the three main characters. Even if you weren’t interested in Harry Potter in the slightest, you probably know your Hogwarts house. It’s incredible what Harry Potter did for our generation all over the world. Children would stay up on their eleventh birthdays anxiously awaiting a Hogwarts acceptance letter, knowing full well that owl was never going to come. Our imagination kept the dream of going to Hogwarts and learning magic alive anyway. Even now at the age of 23, I can for the most part keep a conversation flowing with anyone who has read the books or even just watched the films. You could even go as far as to say it was our generation’s Lord of the Rings.

JK Rowling came from very humble beginnings. She suffered with depression in her childhood and early teens, and lost her mother to multiple sclerosis in 1990. These struggles inspired her a lot when writing Harry Potter. She channeled her grief and pain into her writing. In 1992, she married a man she had met whilst living in Portugal, but Rowling suffered domestic abuse at his hands and the couple separated a year later. She lost her job and moved to Edinburgh in Scotland, where she had to sign up for welfare benefits, which left her a poor and depressed single mother spending her time writing in coffee shops. When she finished writing Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, twelve publishers rejected the opportunity to publish the book. Once someone finally agreed to publish the book, it became the best selling children’s book of the year.

We all know how the story goes from there. Rowling wrote six more Harry Potter books, eight films were made, and Rowling went from a poor vulnerable single mother to a multi millionaire in the space of a few short years. Harry Potter is now a global brand estimated to be worth about $15 billion. The last four books have each consecutively set the record for the fastest selling book in history. Rowling is now the richest author in the world, with a net worth of $92 million. But as well as money, JK Rowling has over 14 million followers on Twitter. This gives her massive influence as well as money. Rowling seemed to initially use this influence for good, spreading mental health awareness, LGBT inclusivity, interacting with fans and creating a website for all us Harry Potter fans to determine our houses and let our wands choose us.

I remember being 8 years old when Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was released, and I was attending a religious school where some parents complained and called to ban Harry Potter over the controversial decision JK Rowling made regarding Dumbledore’s sexuality. Rowling had made the claim that Dumbledore was gay. Looking back, the controversy was ridiculous and I can only imagine how embarrassed some of those parents must be. I also remember as I got older, re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I noticed more that the emotion behind Dumbledore’s relationship with Grindelwald was one he held with a romantic love. So years later, when several members of the LGBT community attacked Rowling for only deciding Dumbledore’s sexuality after the books were written, I publicly defended her with my knowledge that that simply wasn’t true. I had this image of Rowling in my mind, that she had always been on the right side of this debate. She had always been inclusive and supportive of LGBT people as far as I could see, and I just didn’t understand the issue. Rowling had always expressed a centre-left political perspective, and although I didn’t agree with all her views, they seemed relatively uncontroversial.

When Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was released, I hated it. It was a literary disaster, completely disrespectful of the original book series, the characters were a shell of the characters we had grown up with, the plot was almost deliberately ridiculous and overly elaborate and I immediately dismissed it as not canon. I have never forgiven JK Rowling for publicly stating the book was canon. She almost destroyed a whole two decades of her own hard work and the franchise that she’d built that had been like a home for a whole generation. All because she wanted to grab a few extra quid for a terrible book she didn’t even write. To this day I can’t help but wonder if she has even read the book. If I had written the masterpiece that is Harry Potter, I would view the Cursed Child as an insult. Perhaps I’ll even write a review one day, just for fun. Rowling also annoyed me by going back on her story, regretting pairing Ron and Hermione together and not pairing Hermione with Harry. Ron and Hermione are my favourite couple from the story, and their relationship had so much meaning. I couldn’t believe that the author who wrote such a clever and consistent relationship between two beloved characters could ever regret it. At this point in my life, I was beginning to wonder if perhaps Rowling was losing her mind. It was almost like she was trying to destroy her legacy.

As more years passed, the Fantastic Beasts films were released. The first film looked promising, but the second film was yet another disaster. Again, it was inconsistent with the franchise as we knew it, for some reason Hogwarts was full of people wearing 3 piece suits instead of the robes they wore in the Harry Potter series and Minerva McGonigall appeared as a teacher despite the fact that canonically there is no way she could have been old enough. The film was a disaster with both fans and critics hating it. Amongst this mess came controversy in December 2019. Rowling lost all respect she had once held amongst the transgender community when she made a public statement supporting Maya Forstater, a British woman who lost her employment tribunal case against her employer who fired her over transphobic comments. Six months later on June 6 2020, Rowling criticised the term “people who menstruate” and stated: "If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives." Rowling’s views on these issues were heavily criticised by GLAAD and even by the actors from the Harry Potter movies including lead actors Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson.

Rowling published a 3,600 word essay in response to the mass criticism of her views four days later. The essay did her no favours, as she wrote: “When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.” She seemed to be suggesting that trans women are often just men disguised as women in order to trick or even harm other women. This obviously angered the transgender community even more, and women’s refuge shelters that allow trans women were reporting no rise in violence as a result, children’s charities that support gender non conforming children were criticising Rowling, she was being made to give back awards and ultimately Rowling was labelled a Trans exclusionary radical feminist, a term often abbreviated to TERF.

JK Rowling is the perfect example of how money and influence can make someone forget their roots so easily. For someone who survived poverty, domestic abuse and sexual assault, she is so lacking in self awareness and how the things she has said and done can be harmful to transgender people. It is widely reported that transgender women are at more risk of harm in female restrooms than cisgender women. With acceptance becoming the norm, transgender people are feeling more safe to come out now than ever before, and so the rise in numbers of the community is huge, especially amongst our generation who grew up with Harry Potter. For a young transgender teenager to grow up wondering how Hogwarts would accommodate them, only to hear the author who gave us Hogwarts in the first place disapprove of equal rights for transgender people, must be very disheartening. However, JK Rowling has proven that she has no idea how powerful the legacy her books created really is. She was tasked with following up the Harry Potter series, and what she gave us was inconsistent and very poorly written screenplays. I have read better sequels on tumblr. Lots of them. Hogwarts doesn’t belong to JK Rowling, it belongs to the fandom. And I’ll be willing to bet my last penny that if Professor McGonigall witnessed any bullying of transgender students in her classroom (or indeed the girls bathroom!) she’d absolutely defend the victim without a moment’s hesitation. Hermione would decorate the Gryffindor common room with little blue, pink and white flags in support of a transgender first year who’d just been sorted into Gryffindor. Luna Lovegood would sit and befriend any trans student who looked lonely, and Ginny would dish out a bat bogey hex to anyone who dared pick on them. No matter what JK Rowling thinks, Hogwarts is not hers to ruin. It is ours. Regardless of what makes us different, Hogwarts is our home.

Don’t Go Running Off Into Danger, Even If I Do pt 2

So, I have no clue what a publishing schedule is. So here, have more of this dumb fic at 11 pm. FUCK SLEEP! SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!

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Chapter 2

Danny and Jazz managed to finish just in time to put everything away before their parents got home. He’d actually managed to have a ghost free night. But the peace wasn’t going to last. And this wasn’t about ghosts. He got slammed into his locker.  “Hey look, it’s Fenturd. What’s with the dumb picture of Phantom? You’ll never be on his level,” Dash said and laughter broke out. Danny groaned. At least they didn’t know he was trans. He’d be beaten twice as much if they knew. The locker door closed and locked.  “Seriously Dash? I have to get to class!” He yelled through the metal.  “Whatever Fentina. No one cares! Oh hey, it’s fresh meat!” Dash went away from Danny’s locker. Danny had found out a way to make it so he could open his locker from the inside without it being outerwardly compromised. He jumped out. It was those kids from last night.  “Leave them alone Dash. They haven’t even been here for a day yet. The rules are that newbies get a probation period,” Danny crossed his arms.  “I don’t know Fentoenail. Would you like to take their beating?” Dash mocked him. Danny sighed. He’d have to do this.  “Any day,” 

Danny regretted everything. Dash had hit him twice as hard as normal and his locker trick wasn’t working. Everything hurt. He was going to miss Lancer’s class. At least his ghost sense wasn’t going off or something. Lancer wouldn’t miss him. Suddenly, his locker opened and he tumbled out. He yelped. “Are you okay?” The girl twin said.  “No worse than what I’m used to,” Danny brushed himself off.  “You didn’t have to do that,” The boy twin told Danny. “Yeah, I kinda did. The probation period is sacred. Dash knows that,” “Probation period?” The boy said. “A rule we made up last year. If Dash really wants to break it, I take the beating instead. Fenton gets to take the beating so the new kids don’t have to,”  “That’s not fair. You should report him,” “Nah, he threw like four perfect throws last night and is exempt from punishment,”  “Football?” The boy gave Danny a knowing look.  “Danielle- I mean Daniel Fenton to the main office,” The loud speaker said. “Oh come on! At least it was probably just a misread,” Danny was fuming. The beating plus being deadnamed was getting on his nerves. “We have to head there too,” The girl said. Danny shrugged and let them follow him.

Lancer called them all in at once. “Sup Lancer. Can I help you?” Danny leaned against the wall. “Mr Fenton. You and I both know that you need to show me more respect. W-what happened to you?” Lancer looked up from his papers. “Just a certain football star. Nothing I can’t handle. He broke the probation period,” “That’s a rule between students. I have no need to enforce it,” Lancer sighed. “I have no clue why you of all people were chosen for this, but you are too be Mr and Ms Pines guide around the school,” “Jazz not good enough for you? Had to pick the ‘slacker’ Fenton?” “Daniel, mind your tone. Jazz is our top student,”  “We all know I’m destined to fail in life. Can I get their timetables?” “Yes of course. Listen Danny, both you and I know you’re capable of better grades. I don’t understand why you don’t try,” Danny wasn’t in the mood for Lancer’s pep talks.  “I’ve got more important things to worry about,” Danny grabbed the papers and stalked off with the Pines Twins on his heels.  “Why didn’t he do anything about Dash?” the boy asked. “He has no reason to. Not like I’m about to ask,” Danny handed them their timetables. He’d seen that the girl was named Mabel and the boy Mason. “We’ll start with your classes Mason,”  “I prefer Dipper,” “I’m not calling you by a dumb nickname. Let’s go,” Danny growled.

Just as he was about to lead Mason to his first class, a royal pain in his ass showed up. “Daniel! I require your assistance, little badger,” “It’s bound to be another plan to get in my mom’s pants. Go away,”  “Now, don’t be like that. I’m the mayor after all. You should be honored,” “Plasmius, shut your goddamn mouth. I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck,” Danny said so that only Vlad could hear.  “Well, something’s got you in a tizzy. I’ll ask later. I should tell you though, it’s about Danielle,” “What did you do to Dani?” Fury. Wait, he had to get the kids to class.  “Nothing. It wasn’t me. You should ask your ghost hunter girlfriend,” Vlad grinned. Fucking Valerie.  “Come on kids. You’ve got to get to class,” Danny ignored Plasmius. Valerie was going to die. 

At lunch, he purposefully turned into Phantom and waited for Valerie on top of the school. She took no time at all. “What. Did. You. Do. To. Dani,” He glared at her.  “I didn’t do anything to her! You’re going down ghost!” “Am I really?” Danny was pissed. She wasn’t getting any mercy today. He teleported behind her.  “What the... HOW?” “Where is she?!” He growled. “What do you care? She’s always off on her own,”  “Does it look like I care Valerie?!”  “How did you know?!” “I know more than you seem to think. Tell me where Dani is. NOW!” He froze her feet. She looked terrified.  “What’s wrong with you!? Why do you care so much about her? Ghosts don’t have feelings,” Danny lost it at that point. The laughter was dark. Hollow. Horrible. Val’s terror was visible.  “Don’t have feelings? DON’T HAVE FEELINGS? FUCK YOU! I’M SO TIRED OF ALL THIS!” “Phantom, calm down,” Val was terrified. Danny wasn’t done. The rings were threatening to come down and expose him to her.  “So you admit this is real? Would you like to know how it feels to die Val? How it feels to live on the line between life and death? Wait, I can’t do that! You don’t have a deactivated portal in your basement that I can make you turn on while your inside. I don’t have a stupid jumpsuit with your dad’s face on it so I can take off the that sticker. You don’t have parents that threaten to rip you apart molecule by molecule for just exsisting! You don’t have to see a future where you become evil because you cheated on one test and your family all died! Can you even begin to comprehend what I go through? Ever been cloned? And forced to do something incredibly painful so that one clone can get fixed and watch another get lied too? And that’s just the brunt of it Valerie. Keep telling me how I don’t feel. How I’m nothing!” Danny screamed at ice engulfed their feet. Val’s eyes went wide.  “D-Danny?” She said quietly. “Congratulations! You aren’t as niave as the rest of Amity Park! How does it feel?” He’d snapped. “Calm down! I’ll tell you where Dani is!” She shrieked. That hollow laugh came back. But instead of an angry rant afterwards, he just sunk to his knees and screamed. It wasn’t a wail. It was a scream of pain. Of being done with the world.  “I can’t do this anymore,” He sobbed and the rings went down. All that was left now was a beaten, broken Danny Fenton.  “You should change back. I’ll take you to Dani,” Danny nodded and followed her.  “Sorry I broke down. I’m just sick of people telling me that I can’t feel. That all ghosts can’t feel. You don’t even bother talking to us, ya know?” “Ghosts lie,” “And so do people! I’ve talked to the ghosts. Listened to them. Heard their stories. I protect people, but I protect them too!” “How do you know those aren’t just acts?” “Cause they make sense. I’d have the same response if it was me. If my parents burned down the place I was in because I got caught being gay,” “I’m confused,” “Ember. I told her I wouldn’t tell anyone. But you need to know that they all have reasons for being the way they are. Skulker’s family was hunted, so now he hunts to prove his strength,” “Maybe we should talk to you more,”  “Maybe you should. No one asks to die,” “But your parents say that ghosts don’t remember their lives. They’re the leading experts,”  “That’s like putting a ten year old in a room of babies. They’re the expert by default in that situation, but an adult would be the expert the moment they walked in,” “Why don’t we know about that,” “Dying is traumatizing. Even half dying is traumatizing. It’s taboo to mention it unless you’re told. No one explains it until they’re ready. And talking about a life before that is almost wrong,” “How did you learn?” “Skulker told me during the Christmas Truce. Ember told me one day when she just wanted to be left alone, but I did too. I guess things end up working out in weird ways,” “The Christmas Truce?” “On Christmas Eve and Christmas, ghosts have a truce. No one is allowed to fight anyone that day. The Ghost Writer broke the truce and Walker got to haul him off in just means,” “We really know nothing about ghosts, do we?” “No, you don’t. They even have a party. I got invited last year. Skulker let me make the star! It took me weeks to get it right,” Danny smiled at the memory. He’d made a scale model of a blue giant that went through it’s life stages.  “So there’s a whole society?” “A government. Systems. Main rules. Taboos. Just cause we’re ghosts, doesn’t mean we don’t have a system,” “I’m sorry,” “What?” Danny nearly froze. “I’m sorry that I made so many assumptions. I never should’ve chased you or any ghost like that,” “Keep them out of Amity Park and send them back to the Zone. Most ghosts forget that living is dangerous, so they just rampage. I keep trying to talk sense into them, but they’re pretty stubborn,”  “What about the dog?” “Dog? You mean Cujo? I was trying to stop him from trashing Axiom. He was trying to get a toy. I’m sorry that recked your life Val,” “My life? Wrecked? When compared to you, my life is a dream. It’s not like I died,” “I guess you’ve got a point,”

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Thanks for reading. I just like fics where Val finds out, and this one seemed like an okay place to stick it. Dani is fine. I’ll fill you in on that next chapter, but I should get some sleep.

hhhhhhhhhh guess who drew all the batim characters in prep for the comic they’re making!

yeah so it took like 4 days to draw all these guys, and it was actually pretty fun figuring out colours and designs and stuff!

(also, update on the Reveries Twisted comic, I have a plan for the first chapter but i have like, 7 tests next week and I haven’t started drawing it yet so it’s definitely not going to be coming out anytime soon sdfgsdfsj but i am still working on it!)

anyway, i felt like writing little descriptions for every character, so feel free to read these below the ‘keep reading’ line if you feel like it! My ask box is also always open, so if u have any questions feel free to ask

Bertrum Piedmont-he/him, gay/ace

-Started working as a mechanic at about 15 and worked his way up from there -Everyone in the studio @ him: why are u british -His big ego often gets in the way of things, but at his core he's a good person (doing bad shit but ultimately having good intentions is common among these guys shdgfs) -Wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Lacie, who is his most trusted confidant and friend -Actually treats his employees well, even when they do basically nothing all day, so he does a lot of work himself most of the time Linda Stein-she/her, straight as a ruler -Parents immigrated from Spain -She's very catholic and very into 'traditional family values' and that sort of stuff -She is sweet, but her strict morals and black and white ethics often make her do unintentional harm -She is also pretty oblivious to most things Jack Fain-he/him & they/them, pan/ace, OCD -Mother immigrated from China to France, and then he moved to America, it's confusing -Can play the violin really well, but is terrible at composing his own pieces -Peak friend material -Short and round and soft with a love of a good espresso -Kind and quiet but ultimately ineffective and happy to watch from the sidelines Daniel 'Buddy' Lewek-he/him, aro/ace, autistic, jewish -He is curious and observant, but very very naive -He finds it hard to pick up on social cues, and tends to daydream a lot -Never really had a father figure, and unfortunately kind of half sees Joey as one (baaaad choice), but his mother is great -Loves drawing and tends to chew on pens (and most objects really) -Too young Susie Campbell-she/her, demi -Her parents were Russian and she picked up their accent, but taught herself how to cover it up. She is now excellent at voice acting. -Has a birthmark most theatres turned her away for. But luckily voice acting gave her another chance at performance, and the music department really does not care about it. -Her dad was a butcher, so she now knows a concerning amount about how to cut up and dissect meat. -She gets easily attached to things emotionally, and has a whole pile of random bits and bops she keeps on her person because she can't throw them away. -Naive, but smart enough to know how to read and deceive people if needed. Ms Abigail Lambert-she/her, lesbian -A very gifted artist, who is quite frustrated with the business aspect of animation. -Picked up quite a few things about engineering from Lacie. -Stern, but kind. Motherly, if she likes you and you squint hard enough. -Used to fighting for things. -Giving her food is a pretty good way to get her to like you. Being an artist, she forgets to eat at the correct times a lot, so a meals always appreciated. Norman Polk-he/him, gay, albino -Knows how to fix things, knows how to fight, knows how to hide -General cool uncle vibes -He watches people a lot, and gives off some creepy vibes, but he does genuinely care about people -Knows something is up and is determined to find out what (even if he dies trying) -Fought in WW1, then worked at a cinema for a bit. Emma Lamont-she/her, heteroflexible -Keep dancing even when everything goes wrong -Bit of a 'i'm better than these fools' mentality going on -But she's pretty chill, and willing to act when needed -Basically every woman in the studio knows her on the basis that she chills in the girls bathroom. -Hates Joey, but knows those who stir up a bit too much trouble usually 'resign' Sammy Lawrence-he/him, (vocal-romantic) bi/ace, ADD -His dad sucked, so he ran away. He's also the reason he's largely abandoned his faith, but he still holds hope that there is some kind of god out there. -He and Jack are basically brothers, they've known each other for a long time. -He can compose music in his head, but can play basically every instrument. -Tall and thin and sharp with a love of black coffee. -He's actually pretty chill and nice, but the conditions of the studio (workload, noises, dreams) have left him quick to snap and a stressed out mess. -He's pretty oblivious to his own feelings and spends basically all his time thinking about music, so he usually only realises that he has a crush on someone if he hears them singing (hence the vocal-romantic joke) Johnny Hart-he/him (she/her), gay (trans), heart condition -A nervous wreck who avoids everything and everyone -Trans but doesn't realise it, he thinks this level of discomfort has something to do with his heart condition or something like that. -Speaking of which, if he gets genuinely terrified or panicked he could have a heart attack. -Hence why he's a recluse who remains in the organ room and interacts w/ literally no one. -Except Dot and Buddy (who forgets he exists and who he also has a crush on). Wally Franks-he/him, pan -Friends with literally everyone who isn't one of the older folks (and thomas) -Honorary member of the music department because he can play a harmonica and vibes with everyone there. -Tries to put a positive spin on everything, often beyond the point of reason -A mischevous, mildly selfish prankster with a heart of gold -Gossip pals with Susie and Norman The Violinist-she/her, nobody knows -Has literally never expressed an emotion ever -Seems to know things are going to happen before they happen -Just generally pretty weird -She isn't friends with Dot, they're both just vaguely interested in what the others doing -She looks a lot like Allison, but the two have never spoken and nobody knows if they're sisters Thomas Connor-they/them, gynephilia -He is just. So tired. -An actual mechanical genius who gets his work used for the wrong purposes. -Is very of the 'when you're on a path stick to it' mentality -Cold and hard exterior that vertually no one except Allison has ever managed to get through. -He can and will beat you up. Henry Stein-he/him, gay, vitiligo -Nice and hardworking. -Doesn't have many emotions other than to draw. -He's in fucking narnia he's so deep in the closest. -Feels emotions, but buries them deep down and doesn't express them too clearly. -Has difficulty setting healthy boundaries with people and represses himself far too much. Joey Drew-he/him, homoromantic/pansexual, bipolar disorder, alcohol and cigarette addictions -Chaotic, feral, short little man who lies to everyone -Charismatic as hell, but also a terrible friend and person in general -He doesn't blink enough, does not know the meaning of personal space, and hasn't aged for about 4 years, which are all very bad signs. -Doesn't understand how to run a business but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to interact with people but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to create life but does so anyway- -He isn't pure evil, he just gets into very bad mindsets and makes poor decisions that lead him down the wrongest way to go. -Does some self evaluation and goes 'maybe this wasn't the right way chief :/' just a bit too late Audrey Dempsey-she/her, lesbian, Borderline Personality Disorder -Feral conspiracy theorist -May or may not be related to multiple studio members -Everyone's called her crazy for years and made her feel like a burden, and she is hellbent on proving everyone wrong -Quite socially awkward, and rather sarcastic with a dark sense of humour -Works for Archgate Allison Pendle-she/her & they/them, androphilic/ace -Is forever lost in a vintage clothing store -Most people say she seems nice, but everyone just kind of subconciously registers that there is something up with her -Knows a lot about the supernatural -The person closest to Joey, which doesn't necessarily mean they're friends -Nobody has ever seen the right side of her face Dot Acciaci-she/her, pan -Her parents are Italian, and she speaks a little herself, usually using it to encrypt her private notes -Mischevious & curious, but ultimately kind -She will find out your secrets, and is very good at reading people -Great storyteller -Struggles with loneliness a lot Dr Eleanor Hackenbush-she/her, aro/ace -Science knows no bounds -Doesn't care what your motivation is, as long as you give her some cash and some experiments -Filled with nothing but utter spite Ms Reina Rodriguez-they/them, demi -Tired of everything -Although she puts up a calm exterior, Rodriguez is very attached to the studio and views it as her 'new family', having a terrible relationship with her old one -Her family drama connects to the fact they're very catholic, but she nobody knows what this drama is other than Joey Tessa Arch-she/her, straight -An absolute bitch -Trusts her husband far too much -Not very smart, but compensates for this for being good looking and rich Shawn Flynn-he/him (intersex), pan -Jovial, but gets angry quickly -Willing to do 'wrong' things if it helps someone else out, kind of like Robin Hood or something -His mother taught him how to sew and he helped her make clothes when he was younger -Found it hard to get a job because he's Irish, so despite being tired of all the bullshit of JDS, he is reluctant to look elsewhere -Friends with Lacie and Grant because they appreciate his humour Lacie Benton-She/her, lesbian, trans -Tougher than the toughies -wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Bertrum, who she views as one of the only genuinely smart people in JDS and who she has worked for for basically all of her life -Feels like something is up, but doesn't notice much if it doesn't connect to her work -Has automatophobia -Friend with Shawn and Grant because she respects their dedication to their work Grant Cohen-He/him, bi, depression, jewish -Absolute madlad at maths -Acts like he doesn't care what you think, cares far too much about what you think -Everyone wants him to just get therapy already -Doesn't have many friends, but has a weird 'we're both horribly overworked' kinship with Sammy, so they usually just chill and smoke together -Friends with Shawn and Lacie because they're actually mentally stable and he needs some rocks Nathan Arch-He/him, straight -You should hate him -You should hate him a lot -Super rich and doesn't pay his workers enough -Silver tongued -Basically a spider. Creates webs of manipulation and lies, sees a lot, and knows plenty about waiting for his prey to come to him.

would love to hear more abt your trans hawkeye thots if you’re in the mood to share...

OH BOY AM I im always in the mood to share trans hawkeye thoughts lmao ok SO. so.

he was born in like the 20s? in smalltown maine and his dad is The town doctor so. it would probably have been easy(ish) for daniel to change hawkeyes records?

testosterone injections were first used in the 30s in europe and i mean. it probably involves a little hand waving but i dont think its completely out of the bounds of possibility to be like. well hawkeye got it. like he stays up to date on medicine! his dad’s a doctor! a doctor who probably, when hawkeye came out, started to gain a vested interest in this and was keeping an eye out specifically for anything that would help his kid! in the same vein, the first known top surgery was performed around the same time (again in europe) and again while handwaving is needed i dont think it would be that far fetched for hawkeye to know someone who knows someone who was willing to do him a favour, esp if he himself is a doctor by this point?

(medical info mainly from this dude’s life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Dillon who was one of if not the first trans man to go through all this medical stuff, i haven’t read too much about him yet but i do want to read his book)

ANYWAY. so anyway this being established, that he was able to get his legal records changed and could have been on testosterone and had top surgery and possibly bottom surgery (although that interferes with my evil fucked up au so in my world he does not get bottom surgery. hawkeye pussy indulgence) hes like living his best life yknow whatever THENNNNN he gets drafted :( and its like. im pretty sure you have to have a physical before ur allowed in the army but they Needed doctors and i mean, fucking look at hawkeye he’s basically pre-serum steve rogers theres no way he’d pass a physical even if he was cis so i think they were just like youre in :) and he has this like. extremely horrible realisation that he could so easily get out of this if he just Told them he was trans. but also it would ruin his life completely. so he’s stuck between ruining his life by going to korea or ruining his life by not being A Man anymore. haha. fun

anyway he ends up in korea and i think everything there is the same except he doesnt shower with other people i guess. and ok Canonically he is “very thorough” when he sleeps w nurses so i can def see that as like, yknow, he gives the women what they want and maybe he has a strap on i guess but maybe not. who knows.

ANYWAY. ALL THAT BEING SAID here are some fun trans hawkeye things :)

hawkeye has been his nickname even before he came out, and that has always been his Name. one time when hes still figuring shit out he asks his dad what he’d have been called if he was Born A Boy and his dad says benjamin franklin as a joke and hawkeyes like. well alright then. and then later when he comes out and his dad says he’ll change his paperwork etc hawkeyes like ok my names benjamin franklin now :) and daniels like. what the fuck is wrong with you.

his mom died before he came out :( sad. he has a lot of weird complicated dead parent feelings about it but daniel assures him she would have accepted him and been proud of him no matter what

sometimes when he and margaret have arguments about 1. misogyny and 2. being who everyone expects you to be, not being able to be anyone except your authentically true self, etc, hawkeye desperately wants to Tell Her but he knows he cant because hello. but i think eventually he does tell her? and also she is a little 😨 about it, not because she doesnt accept him (though i think it would take a while bc hello. the fifties) but because she Understands in a way that she absolutely does not want to examine

oh he cant get testosterone in korea and thats a whole ass thing. evil hormones </3

evil fucked up au takes place in the trans hawkeye cinematic universe and it is bad but also very good

ummmmmmm what else. idk. i think a lot of the uh less great moments of misogyny and skirt chasing etc are genuine but i also think he plays them up a little just because well. it keeps people from asking too many questions yknow.

i think possibly post war he keeps up with the latest in trans medicine and does develop a reputation for being the doctor you go to who either can provide you with the meds you need or knows someone who will do so but i think he would be extremely careful about it since obviously he has more to risk by doing that than cis doctors would? but also he Gets It and will do what he can to help people (UNRELATED but i def think he provides Illegal abortions for ppl like. come on. he has to right.)

Donolinc/Cringe!AU pt. 2

Okay if you're confused please refer to my main trans headcanon post here and the introduction to this au here.

Once again I'll give the same CW as the last post: if you don't wanna see any references to trans male pregnancy please blacklist the terms "mpreg" and "tmpreg", similar content to whats in Mafia 3 normally like violence, bigotry of the 1960's, war, etc.

General disclaimer: I'm not that good at drawing babies/young children. Pls forgive me TwT

(Some of these pictures are older than others)

Danielle Clay was born on Sept 1st 1969. Everyone calls her "Dani" for short. Her biological parents are Lincoln Clay and John Donovan, she has Lincoln's last name because it felt right.

She shows some signs of having ADHD in her childhood and her parent's quirks definitely rubbed off on her, like poking around things she shouldn't but also going head first into "scary" things.

Lincoln is so happy to be a dad since he lost his own family, and can be very over protective at times but that doesn't really show up until she's in her pre-teens and onward. Like I said in the last post, John was just happy he could keep this one, it takes a lot of adjusting to this new life, he still does what he normally does but cause he's at Sammy's all the time, he spends the most time with Dani before she eventually goes to school.

He's definitely more in charge with dressing her and had to learn how to do her hair, which was awkward at first with the whole situation. He may not be an ideal parent but he definitely loves and cares for her a lot. Just is pretty loose with swear words in front of her.

Since she does get into things a lot, she has to be kept away from loose papers and any potentially dangerous things laying around. She has ruined the vibe of a meeting at Sammy's where Lincoln invited his underbosses in the bar. Donovan, still keeping out of their line of sight, has quickly snatched Dani away from the bar area and took her back to the living space, but thats how the underbosses saw Lincoln's kid for the first time. Father James comes around more often just to check up on the kid and sometimes comes at Lincoln's request. He tries to keep his mouth shut about his opinions on Donovan's parenting, but Lincoln knows exactly what he's thinking.

Because John is still, well, John, he does complain a lot and projects his own distaste of things onto Dani, like hating the weather, going into the swamps, hating hippies, etc. Dani handles the weather pretty well like Lincoln, and as for hippies, Lincoln's taken her to LaVeau's compound where she interacted with M.J and his friends, so she ends up liking being around people like that, she came home with a flower crown and Lincoln had to answer a lot of questions. When it comes to swamps, once Dani's a teenager she eventually goes out into the Bayou Fantom a lot with her friends. Lincoln also took her to gator feedings before and she loves them.

She does eventually meet Marshall and Jackie when she's young. Marshall gives John a hard time a lot, occasionally saying some off color things about John as a "joke", and once Dani can talk, she'll even say "MY DAD IS NOT A MOM >:O" which surprised Marshall but he stops those kind of jokes for now. As for Jackie, despite her and John not being that close, since she does know his history and keeps tabs on Jesse, she's just happy to see things seemed to have worked out.

During all this, in between taking care of Dani, John was still working on his side project and was zeroing in on someone that was actually nearby. He was still fixated on the JFK conspiracy, and from old papers he found linking the Marcano's to local politicians, he started setting up a meeting to go to Baton Rouge, since many folks where still talking about Lincoln's crime spree and how he seemed to be untouched by the law for now. It was big news, and John was pulling some strings to go to a hearing on "Lincoln Clay's behalf". August 25th, 1971, Donovan went to a senate hearing about Lincoln's crime spree and meeting face to face with Senator Blake. Everything was recorded live. Everything. Danielle was nearly 2 years old at this time. The aftermath lead to John leaving the state and hiding for a few months away from the authorities and eventually they lost his scent after a few months

Of course, a serious crime such as assassinating a state senator will mean he's never NOT safe, but after a few months skipping around in different states, changing out cars and his appearance, he did eventually finally get back to New Bordeaux, after leaving Lincoln and Dani on their own for a few months, he missed her 2nd birthday and Lincoln swore he was about to punch him as soon as he got back, but he couldn't. He just got really emotional and made fun of John for having a more unkempt appearance.

In a way, as the new crime lord of New Bordeaux, and making sure the right people stay paid, Lincoln is basically untouchable, sure he has enemies, but law enforcement is in his pocket, he's got people to take care of things, etc. Sammy's becomes somewhat of a safe haven. Donovan can chill out there and not really worry about getting caught for his Live TV stunt, and he content with just leaving it there to make the people he's targeting paranoid. Not sure how he feels about being stuck in New Bordeaux though, but it's a good setup for now. Being around Lincoln means guaranteed immunity, also of course, happy to be near his kid again. Because Lincoln got emotional, Dani needed to be babysat for awhile (probably by Nicki cause she's trusted), and he really wanted to see if somehow he can use John being trans as some kind of loophole so they can legally tie the knot, he's sure he can talk to and bribe the right people but John isn't sure how he feels about it just yet, he just knows Lincoln's very clingy right now and lets him get his feelings out, ofc he missed him too.

Once again, yes I'm planning on adding more. Also I just wanna say, while I love this ship, the only thing that REALLY sucks about it is the age gap. They're both adults that seem to be on equal ground, but despite not revealing John's age, he has to be at most 35, which makes him about 12 years older than Lincoln. Which is eeehhhh....ehhhh.... really clinging on the fact they're both grown and seem to look at each other as equals. So whatever.

could you tell us more about the brarg family au with the 3 babies and trans luci?

I definitely can! This au has been living rent free in my head since i started that drawing and I was actually sketching more stuff for the AU right before I got this ask so- I definitely can ramble more about it

This was supposed to be just a collection of a few hcs and now it’s a multi-pages word document the size of a fanfic so – Im really sorry.

I didn’t think a lot about their backstories tbh, though I have it in my mind that Luciano transition in his late teens and that he and martin either met after that or knew each other before luciano came out, lost all contact, and then met again after (and you can blame oxiosas fic for that yeah im not even subtle)

But I imagine them having some sort of meet cute and kinda progressing really fast in their relationship without realizing – yk, its just a fling, no big deal, yeah ive met his parents, yes I basically spend every weekend in his apartment, yeah I have a spare key now, ops I guess we’re adopting dogs and plants together- oh I think we’re married. Yeah. We’re married.

Ok but for real Luci does the proper proposal-with-a-ring-and-knelt-down-on-a-special-day thing and Martin is just bright red saying yes over and over again

It is Afonso (port) the first to be all WHERE ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN like… the night of their wedding.

They live in a house in a not too big city with two dogs, one cat, one parrot and all the birds that Luciano feeds and names that aren’t actually theirs. Still, they choose the house with two spare rooms because they always talked about having two kids.

In this AU they can buy a nice house and don’t have to worry about money and can raise kids like the world isn’t ending.

I think right after they got married they got in line for adoption. However, everything indicated that it would take a long long time so they started talking about the possibility of trying to have a biological kid. I think luci was the one to suggest it when he noticed martin had been thinking about it but not saying anything for a while.

Lots of boring doctor visits and confused doctors looking at luciano and trying to process it like the dumb cishets they are. Boring exams and all that, but everything is on track eventually, luci pauses his hrt and keeps his jockstrap on the drawer and they’re googling the best positions for fertility on those weird cishet sites and doing it like bunnies etc etc

Getting pregnant the natural way after years of testosterone is not the easiest thing in the world, so it takes a while. But eventually it works.

Both of them are kinda freaking out with this whole first pregnancy thing. Martin is the ultimate protective husband, and spends way too much time on the internet finding out what luciano can and can’t eat, what exercises he should do, and going to every single doctor visit. He’s very committed to it.

Luciano has to drink non-alcoholic beer and hates life. There’s a single teardrop shed every time he buys it. And drinks a lot of lemonade like it’s the same as caipirinha. Poor guy. Martin doesn’t help on that, life isn’t fair, he buys his own beer.

But he also has to drive absurd lengths to find the weirdest fruit or make the most hideous, blasphemous pizza toppings because Luciano is constantly craving absurd shit. But poor baby actually really NEEDS that chicken M&M pizza at 8am.

They’re super proud daddies though, and both their instagrams at this point are just baby belly pictures. Luci had top surgery on this au on my hc so also. Lots of shirtless pics. He looks like an old uncle with a beer belly and he’s PROUD. Just. Baby bellies all over.

Martin picks the entire baby layette. Because of course he does.

Their baby shower is a huge deal though. Their dads are there, Antonio brings an entire trunk filled with diapers and tells everyone how many tincho used to need when he was a baby, Afonso is cooking for everyone and talking about how he’s gonna be a grandfather (!!!). Iracema (pindorama) is scolding Luci about his bad habits while also quietly being a super proud grandma. Zola (angola) bought toys because she knows that’s what kids actually like, Samero (Mozão) keeps asking if they installed all the necessary security stuff in their house – we will, chill, we still have some months to go – Vera (Tomé) is teasing Simão (Timor) about him no longer being the family baby, Fatima (g.bissau) is another one who bought a huge amount of diapers, Rosinha (cabo verde) is taking pictures of everyone and everything, Sebas and Dani are discussing if the kid should speak Portuguese or Spanish, Maria brought a huge pink plushy as a gift, it’s quite a party.

Once they’re late in the pregnancy, Luciano mostly spends his time on Martin’s oversized t-shirts asking for foot rubs and not getting much sleep because the baby keeps moving. Martin on the other hand is a little nervous about being a dad, but absolutely loves feeling the little kicks and talking to the baby all the time, except when its 3am and he wants to sleep but Luci cant because of it so he just does his best to keep him company. He mostly ends up falling asleep on his chest though and doesn’t help much

I wrote all of this but I still don’t have a name for the girl lol Anyway, she’s finally born, and if martin was overprotective when Luciano was pregnant, he’s ten times more with his baby girl. Tbh theyre both kinda going crazy with this whole parenting thing, both are overprotective, tired, and have no idea what theyre doing.

Zola and Sebastian are the girl’s godparents. Sebastian isn’t very good with kids so when he takes care of his niece he either puts on a tv show and lets her eat whatever crap she wants, or relies on Daniel to do the actual taking care, since he is good with kids.

Luciano and Martin are very much neurotic first-timers and have all this schedule of what their girl can eat and when and when she has to sleep etc etc.

When Zola takes care of her, she just ignores it and does it her way. She helped raised Luci since he was a baby anyway, he survived just fine and even married and reproduced, she knows what to do better than both the dumbasses, and they never even find out.

Afonso on the other had follows everything when he’s with his granddaughter, determined to be a better grandfather than he was a father, and the baby loves him so he’s doing a good job.

They’re a very cute family yes yes

She grows up well and happy, a bit shy maybe but very smart and sweet, loves the dogs and her aunts and uncles and granddads (afonso more than antonio though)

By the way, Iracema is soft like butter with her granddaughter.

When she’s about four or five years old they start talking about having a second one, considering the age difference and all. So back to doctors, Luci stops the hrt again and they go back to trying, but again it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do it naturally after years of hrt.

But god listens to the prayers of such good catholic family, and right after they start thinking about a second child, they receive the news they will finally get to adopt a baby.

Luciano is the one to receive the news, he’s working at home when the social worker comes to tell him they can finally adopt. He’s extremely happy, he hugs the poor lady and is barely able to concentrate as she explains the paperwork that is left and the details of it because he can’t stop smiling.

He immediately texts martin saying something like “CALL ME RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO TALK” and it’s in happy caps but martin understands it wrong and thinks someone is dying or dead but then his phone is what dies so he gets home as fast as he can thinking all the worst scenarios just to find luciano jumping on him with a smile for ear to ear. It’s such a shock he takes a while to react but when he does you have two idiots so happy they can’t function.

It’s another girl, she has big brown eyes like her sister and it’s a few months old.

They quickly reassemble the crib and paint the second room to get everything ready in time to take her home, and the next week or so it’s nothing but all the family visiting to meet their new baby.

Since they managed to adopt, they decided to stop trying to have another kid. Luciano goes back to the doctor do some routine exams so that he can go back to testosterone and the doctor just awkwardly explains that, well, that won’t be exactly possible. Not for the next eight months, at least.

He’s quite shocked at that, and takes him a while to tell martin. They just got a new baby and do they even have space to raise three kids? Eventually it just escapes from him and martin is shocked as well, but ultimately both of them are just worried about their place being too small, and once they relax about that they can’t shut up about having another baby on the way to anyone.

Still, it’s not easy to manage, martin is just as worried as he was with their eldest, except that this time he’s simultaneously worried about their new baby and about Luci’s pregnancy. Poor dude needs a break asap. So he’s trying to do most of the work of caring for a little baby to spare luciano from the stress, while also taking care of him as well as he did the other time.

Luci is more chill about being pregnant, he’s done this before, he’s fine. He’s even a little too chill about it, as shown in the art, he still wants to carry their kid on his shoulder and having a few sips of martin’s beer is no big deal and honestly he’s fine, he can help with the baby, and Tincho just needs to relax and it will all be fine.

Again, poor tincho needs a break.

Some things don’t change though. Them being super proud daddies who do nothing but take pictures of their kids and Luci’s belly every chance they get. And they’re really happy and excited to have their house full and this big family.

Just a good cute family AU where nothing bad ever happens thank you very much.  Yet it took me almost 2k words to say it. I have no self control and I’m very sorry. However, if anyone has their own hcs to add about this whole au, I will be more than happy to hear and talk about this AU even more than I’ve already done.

Video Games || 2018 || PT. 1

“Your house is nice.” 

Dean says, mostly to be polite but also cause he means it. Levi scoffs, leading him around the cluttered kitchen island towards the basement steps. His older sister, Sabrina, had already stalked upstairs, but she’d smiled when Dean told her she was a good driver, and had let him pick out which Paramore CD to play. She smelled really good, too, but Dean wasn’t about to risk one of the only friendships he had. And, until yesterday when he asked him to hang out after school today, Levi had been strictly a practice and class friend. They usually had to run laps together for dicking around between drills and usually got detention together for dicking around between classes, but this was different. It’s not like Dean was hurting for friends-everyone liked him and he and most of the other 11th graders on the football team hung out together in a big group, but no one has ever invited him over to their house. Just him. 

And Levi. Dean really likes Levi. Really likes him. He, Dean notices as they settle on the well worn couch, also smells really good. 

Shit. Fuck. Dean stops just short of shaking himself. He-well he wasn’t gay. He likes girls. But he also likes…Levi. It’s stupid and Dean knows it-the best thing that could come out of acting on those sorts of feelings is getting completely ostrichized. He’d be lucky if he didn’t end up hospitalized, for that matter. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t look. Or think about him before he falls asleep. Or purposefully get detention for the third time in a week so they could keep hanging out. Levi settles next to him, and it’s not weird for Dean to look, so he does. Curly black hair and eyes that were green in the right light. A tan that was half freckles and a quarter Puerto Rico and a smile that keeps Dean up at night, one he returns easily. 

“Oh.” Levi says, standing again to grab the Xbox controllers. Dean tries not to look at his ass but it’s right there. Maybe he just likes nice asses. That’s not that weird. 

Levi hands him the controller and continues to fuck with his Xbox. 

“Madden or call of duty?” 

Dean scoffs “You think after finally being done with football season, I wanna play football on screen?”

“So you suck at Madden?” Levi responds, booting up the game and laughing when Dean flips him off. 

“No I’m just trying to be a good guest-“

“You just flipped me the bird-“

“I don’t think it’s polite to kick your host’s ass within 20 minutes of arrival.”

“Whatever.” Levi says, sitting back on the couch and closer to Dean. It’s just because he has wired controllers and doesn’t want to stretch the cord out. Dean has to stop from physically yelping when their knees touch. He shifts away. Levi, for his part, is texting. 

“My mom says you can eat dinner with us if you want.”

The thought of processed food not from the organic grocery store is even more attractive than his friend or his sister. 

“Oh cool. Sure, thanks.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “You’re not even gonna ask your parents?”

“Do they still hold your hand when you cross the street, little boy?”

“Fuck off. “Levi shoves him and Dean laughs

“Nah I don’t have to do shit. My mom doesn’t care about me and Kenny forgets my name once football is over.”

“Oh shut up, sad sack your mom cares about you.” Levi rolls his eyes and picks the Dallas Cowboys as his team. Dean let’s him and picks the Patriots simply because-

“Why the fuck did you pick the worst team to ever fucking exist?”

“I figured if you’re gonna insist that I kick your ass I might as well break your spirit too.”

Levi shoves him again and Dean’s mission is accomplished. “Bastard.”

“Yeah, technically.”

Levi rolls his eyes again and they start to play. When Levi is down 40 points, Dean speaks. 

“She really doesn’t care though. My mom. Which is cool most of the time cause I can do whatever I want,  but last year she forgot about my birthday until it was 6 weeks later.” 

Levi turns his head to look at him.  “Oh you’re not kidding, are you?”

“Why do you think she bought me a car before I could drive?”

He’d failed his test twice at this point but that didn’t matter. 

“That’s uh…pretty fucked, man.”

Dean shrugs. “It is what it is. I’m just wall decor unless there’s football talk or she needs to prove to someone she was once liberal enough to fuck a black guy.” Levi chokes a little on the Gatorade he's drinking.

 “Jesus.”

“Nah, his name is Rodney.”

“Do you see him ever?” Levi asks. Something about the genuine curiosity in his voice is so nice that Dean lets him get a first down. 

“Ha!” 

“Nah. He took off when I was like…4? 5? And then we lived with my grandparents for a bit, which was cool. My grandpa was fucking awesome. But he died when I was like, 9 and mom was already with Kenny at that point so I never felt like I could ask about my dad.”

“You ever wanna meet him?”

Usually people express some sort of false sympathy for him, but Levi is too focused on making passes Dean is letting slide.

 “Oh I did. Last Christmas. We met at Waffle House.  He asked me for money.”

“What?!” Levi pauses the game and stares at him. “Whatd you do?”

Dean shrugs.  “I had like $50 on me so I uh…gave it to him.”

The tips of his ears burn with shame and he looks away, suddenly uncomfortable. 

“Jesus I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to like-Thats some tough shit, Deanie.” 

Levi had been the first to call him that. Dean has been pretending for almost two and a half years that it didn’t make his heart race. 

“It’s ok. Really. It sort of…I know now. It sucks but I can’t do a whole lot about it.”

Levi sighs. “Yeah but I shouldn’t have, like,  forced you to tell me.” 

“You didn’t.” Dean says easily. “It was actually nice to tell someone that.”

“Thomas.”

“Sanchez.”

“You’ve never told anyone that before?” No one’s eyes have any business looking that pretty when they’re sad. Especially Levi’s. Dean shrugs again, his voice a little lower.

 “My mom doesn’t even know I met him. She’d just get pissed at me anyway so like…” he shrugs again. He feels Levi’s eyes on him and it makes his stomach tighten. “Do you wanna get back to the game or is therapy Levi still happening?”

“Stop being an asshole. That’s…so much, dude.”

“Yeah, a real winner runs through my DNA. Glad I kept his name.”

Levi groans. “You make me feel like a dick for being unhappy here.”

“You are a dick. Your mom lets you have video games and a whole basement that I’m guessing you decorated unless she’s a Kate Upton fan.” 

Levi snorts. “I don’t entirely feel bad for you and your step dad’s fucking fortune and mansion.”

Dean doesn’t say anything because he knows Levi is right. “I dunno man, I’d give it all up for there to be bacon in the house.”

“What?!”

They keep talking as they play the game. Levi asks questions that are direct without prying. Dean tries to ask them back. He is shortly losing by 70 points. When the cowboys win, he does his best to demand a rematch, which, really, means he gets to keep talking to Levi. 

“So-“ Levi says. “I think it’s only fair since you told me your secret, I'll tell you one of mine.” 

Dean snorts. “This isn’t a friendship based on transactions you weirdo.” 

“Right, yeah. Then I’m gonna be super narcissistic and make it about me.” Dean laughs at this and it’s  his turn to pause the game. 

“You uh, told me all that stuff because why?” Levi’s voice is different. Less confidence. Dean slowly realizes he’s nervous.

“I trust you.” Dean says, realizing he does as he says it. 

“You do?”

“Should I not? Are you as shitty at keeping secrets as you are at realizing things?”

When Levi doesn’t laugh, Dean puts his controller down fully and turns to him. “Dude are you ok?”

“Yeah I  uh-so what I told you before was a secret isn’t exactly secret it’s just…something I wanna ask about to see if it’s uh, normal.”

Something small and evil like a shred of hope crawls into Dean's stomach. 

“Even if it’s not, Levi, I wouldnt you know, treat you differently for it.”

Levi scoffs again and Dean frowns. “What? I mean it. Have you ever known me to like, you know, judge people or whatever?”

Levi considers this and, as he strokes his thumb slowly up and down his index finger, his voice relaxes.  “No. I guess I haven’t. You’re even nice to Dan-Danielle Stevens.”

Danielle was openly trans and braver than anyone else Dean knew.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“We live in Texas.”

“And I’m Black. And from Wisconsin.” 

Levi laughs. “Two things I always say about you.”

Dean can’t help himself.  “You talk about me a lot?”

He could be mistaken, but some of Levi’s freckles darken. “That’s not-do you want me to tell you the question or not?”

“Ask me the question, Leev.” Dean says, hoping he’s right. 

Levi takes a breath. They’re facing each other on the couch now, controllers as abandoned as their math homework. 

“I was just uh, you know, wondering if you-or if it’s normal or whatever... to think what it’d be like to you know…kiss another guy or something.”

All the blood leaves Dean’s upper body and rushes south. 

“I think that’s normal.” Dean says, hoping he didn’t pause too long or answer too eagerly. “I mean it’s 2018, you know. Like all that gay shit is way more accepted so like, we see it more and maybe it sparks some inspiration or something.” 

“Right. Ok. Yeah. Like when you see an ad for something a bunch of times and then you finally buy it. “ 

Dean laughs. “Yeah. Curiosity isn’t bad unless you’re a cat or like, a guy who defuses bombs.”

Levi laughs and moves a bit closer. 

 “Can I ask you one more thing?”

“You’re getting really close to your allotted time slot being up but I’ll see what I can do.”

“I hate you.” Levi says, his smile directed just at Dean is too much to handle. 

“Have you ever thought about-”

Before Levi finishes, Dean closes the distance between them, stretching out on the couch and very carefully and purposefully placing his lips on Levi’s. 

And its right. It’s so right Dean almost feels bad for being so ashamed of all the times he’s thought about it. 

Levi pulls away just slightly and when his thumb comes up to trace Dean’s cheekbone, that evil shred of hope doubles in size. 

They stay like that for an hour, getting bolder and more confident with each kiss, their hands firmly on each other’s. When his mom comes home with the smell of pizza lingering with her and calls down the stairs, they pull apart. Without speaking, Dean knows they’re not going to talk about it, but he can’t even bring himself to care-everything he’d been fantasizing about was so much better in practice. Even if Levi never wants to see him again-

“You wanna come over again tomorrow?” Levi says, clearing his throat. His hand covers Dean’s on the couch and gives him a squeeze. 

Dean’s fate is sealed before he can even finish saying “Sure.”

Rose’s Stories

So below are some very rough ideas that I have for what Rose’s book series would be like--I hope to eventually write all of them but I thought it would be fun to share this with all of you! 

Family:

Tadashi and Fred Hamada: Dads

Daniel: Older brother

Hiro Hamada and Ezra Bridger-Hamada: Uncles

Hope and Dev: cousins, kids of Hiro and Ezra (Hope is younger than Daniel but older than Rose and Dev, Dev and Rose were in the same incubator at the same time so are cousins but also consider themselves to be sort of like twins)

Cass: Grandma on Tadashi’s side :) (Really great aunt but all the kids call her Grandma)

Stan: Grandpa on Fred’s side (as a superhero he saved Tadashi from the fire and is the reason Tadashi is still alive! Yes his name is Stan Lee as an homage to Stan Lee being the model for Fred’s dad in the movie BUT to clarify he has no connection to the real Stan Lee, may his memory be a blessing!)

Books:

Meet Rose: Story starts with her finishing up her last day of homeschooling, Rose is going to start regular school for junior high in the fall. Possibly just Fred homeschooled her and Danny to give them a good foundation, or possibly because she’s ASD and didn’t handle elementary school well when she tried they decided to homeschool her but she’s agreed to try again in Junior high (she’s a bit nervous but mostly excited.) She gets A’s in all classes but math she gets a B which she’s a bit sad about but she tried her best (math is hard for her, she does good but it’s not fun which kinda sucks since math comes naturally to everyone in her bio family except for Fred.) Theme of the book is Rose is a very helpful person but sees everyone in her family is doing big things to help the world (making Baymax, etc.) and she wants to do something meaningful with her summer, feels like she needs to accomplish something big before starting junior high (aw, sweet summer child thinking junior high is so grown up and important XD). She goes around asking everyone what she can do to help them and keeps doing little things that they ask her to help with but is worried she’s not really doing anything important. Story ends with Tadashi explaining that she doesn’t have to do a “big thing” and the “little things” are actually really important, but does take her to adopt a cat since she can make a big difference in the life of the kitty :) Random note: Tadashi and Fred always make sure to have family time on Friday nights and Tadashi, since he doesn’t have as much time with the kids as Fred working full time, has special time for one-on-one time with each of the kids at some point during the week to check in and see how they’re doing/spend time doing something that’s important to them :)

Rose Learns a Lesson: Rose going to school. Lots of stress: For one thing just struggling socially but especially because of how she and Danny were born some of the bullies decide to pick on her for being “a freak”, ask her if she was born in a test tube/is a clone, when she explains about the incubator they make a connection to chickens and start calling her “chicken girl” or “egg girl” and spread a rumor she was hatched from an egg or some shit. Also teachers expect her to be just like Danny (who loved math) and Hope (who wasn’t super into math but it was easy for her) and are frustrated that she struggles with math. Oh, and she was supposed to have the same schedule as Dev but the principal separated them for most of their classes, except maybe home ec where he kind of outshines her in baking/cooking so there’s drama there too. She does make a friend, Hermoine, who has two moms (one of her moms is trans so she was born that way) and they hit it off really well :) They bond over Harry Potter (Rose is a Hufflepuff with a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor for dads while Hermione is a Ravenclaw with a Gryffindor and a Slytherin for moms) and other nerdy stuff :) Hermione is an avid fanfic writer and Rose loves reading, and Hermione loves Rose’s plushies so they work really well together!

Rose’s Surprise: Christmas story, Rose loves Christmas and is hard at work on making Christmas presents for family. Expected a small Christmas but Tadashi and Fred invited a lot of the adopted family to celebrate (BH 6 team and their family plus Ezra’s family) to celebrate with them and so there’s a LOT more people around than expected (social anxiety), Rose feels like she has to make present for everyone (PANIC), and she keeps getting pulled into doing holiday things which means she has even less time to finish making presents (MORE PANIC.) Resolution is everyone realizing she’s stressing out but she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by saying no to celebration things or by not making presents and everyone reassures her she doesn’t have to make presents for everyone but also gives her some down time to finish making the presents :)

Rose Saves the Day: The annual Sakura Festival is happening in San Fransokyo! Rose is super excited, it’s one of her favorite times of the year, and she always helps Aunt Cass with the extra customers she gets during the festival (they usually give it a special theme, this year it’s a cat maid/butler cafe!) But this year Tia Honey Lemon asks her to help with her fashion show as a model (Honey Lemon gives her sewing lessons in exchange for her helping model her clothes) and helping make outfits, and also the animal shelter where Rose got her kitty from needs support so Rose offers to make plushies for them to sell at the booth/offers to help run the booth and kind of over extends herself. Not a lot of story ideas built out on all of that yet but she’s doing lots of running around and she’s really tired and possibly gets a bad grade on a math quiz because of it and she kinda melts down and Tadashi has to help her figure out how to calm down and do what she can while also making thing manageable (including apologizing but telling people she can’t meet all of her commitments and everyone is very nice and understanding about it!)

Happy Birthday, Rose: I don’t have a lot worked out aside from Rose having a summer birthday, possibly she invites classmates but gets ditched (except for of course Hermione and her fam) for someone more popular running a party (maybe also Rose made it a costume party and people were like “You’re turning thirteen and THAT’S what you’re doing?) For sure the family goes to DisneyLand! Also possibly some angst because Danny has graduated high school now (he graduates at sixteen and is starting at SFIT next year) and overhears Hiro saying something about how when Tadashi started college he was never around and so she’s worried about losing Danny and he has to reassure her that he will always have time for her. Possible angst if Rose gets ditched for her party trying to convince her dads into homeschooling her for eighth grade and try again with high school, but she gets talked into trying again. 

Changes for Rose: It’s a new school year, Danny has started at SFIT and yeah, is not around as much and Rose is missing him and maybe he’s missing family night on Fridays and Tadashi and Fred are like, “Well he is in college, it is going to happen as he gets older” and Rose isn’t happy about it. Main plot point is Callaghan is being paroled from prison, it’s been about twenty years now and he’s in his sixties/seventies and is pretty broken down at this point. Abigail is living on the other side of the world now for work, and Callaghan has no one else to turn to but a desperate hope that Tadashi might help. Tadashi has been visiting him all this time on the down low (Hiro and most of the others don’t like it) and is like, “He’s still my dad figure, I can’t let him end up on the streets, he can come live with us.” (Callaghan was a friend of the Hamada parents and helped raise Tadashi after they died/got Tadashi interested in robotics, losing Abigail pushed him off the deep end but once he had time to think about what he’d done after it was all over he was horrified and is still incredibly guilty about almost being responsible for Tadashi’s death.) Fred is not terribly happy about it but is kinda understanding. Hiro is NOT happy at all (has never forgiven Callaghan.) and there is a lot of family drama going on. Rose is a bit nervous around this strange old man, she does know what happened but Tadashi always spoke highly of him and he seems lonely and sad just sitting quietly in the guest bedroom all day, maybe reading but often just staring out the window. And she’s feeling lonely with Danny being gone so much so she ends up making friends with him and kind of helps the others come around to him and is happy to have a new family member :) Random note: Maybe Callaghan helps her a lot with her math homework, he’s a really good teacher and helps her find ways to understand math that work with her learning style ^^ Other plot point: Rose might be realizing that she likes Hermione as more than a friend?