“Aladdin” (1992)

Robin Williams. That's the review. (Eat your heart away, Hemingway.)

Okay, not really, if not only because I'm incapable of leaving this classic at that. "Aladdin" was a big favorite in the Mearns household, and we even wore down the tape on the direct-to-video sequels. ("Return of Jafar" is whatever, but "King of Thieves" is a fun jaunt with John Rhys-Davies, the voice of Gimli from "Lord of the Rings,” as Aladdin's father.) Some movies are better with time to slow down, and they suffer if they fail to do so. Others, however, just don't need to do that.

"Aladdin" certainly falls under that category. From "One Jump Ahead" onward, it storms through 90 minutes and dares you to look away for even one moment. Aladdin's bolting through the streets of Agrabah, then the Cave of Wonders, then through the skies with Jasmine, and that's not even mentioning everything to do with the Genie. The closest we get to quiet scenes involve the drama within the castle, and Jafar is a charismatic enough villain that they never drag (despite Iago/Gilbert Gottfried's annoyance). Jasmine's also one of the better Disney princesses and someone who simply refuses to be satisfied with her circumstances. Is she a little spoiled? Of course, but she also didn't ask for that life and seems to have a better grasp on everyday Agrabah than her complacent father.

A quick note on Aladdin himself: he’s a great Disney hero. He follows the same mold as Ariel in that he’s not perfect by any means at the start of the movie and has to learn some lessons about life before he reaches the conclusion. Aladdin might be street smart (STREET SMARTS!!), but he also had to figure out that lying about his identity wasn’t going to get him anywhere or successfully trick Jasmine. His insecurity is understandable though. He just needed to take a hint from the Genie and be honest. It’s a little trite, but fair.

The music is, of course, amazing. "One Jump Ahead" sets the tone for the fast pace of the movie, and "Prince Ali" is a sensational sequence with wildly imaginative lyrics. "A Whole New World" is one of the three best Disney love songs ever written, and usually, that's enough to earn it "Best Song" honors from me. (It almost makes me cry. It's that good.) I very nearly chose it anyway. But "Friend Like Me" is something else. There had been goofier songs in Disney movies before (think "Wanna Be Like You," "Cinderelly"), but Robin Williams takes it to the next level. Every line is brilliant and jam-packed with comedic moments. And it's catchy as hell, too! I can never get enough of it.

I would also like to salute Abu the monkey as an all-time Disney sidekick. It feels like he doesn't get nearly as much attention as, say, Flounder or any of the primary household items in "Beauty and the Beast," but he is so funny without uttering a single line. I could watch an entire Disney short of him stealthily stealing food from the streets of Agrabah.

So all of that plus my nostalgia adds up to one of the top spots on my ranking, right? Well, yes and no. I do admire "Aladdin" a lot, but I also can't ignore the whitewashing. There are several justified criticisms of "Aladdin," particularly how Disney made its heroes look too Americanized in contrast to the villains. Jafar, the castle guards, and street vendors of Agrabah are all animated in a more sinister fashion, and that can’t be ignored. Original lyrics for "Arabian Nights" were edited to take some blatantly racist parts. The entire voice cast for this Arabic story is lily white. Yes, I know it was 1992, but "Peter Pan" doesn't get a pass for its Native American depictions, either. We can do better. That’s all.

At the end of the day, I still love "Aladdin." That's not changing. I'm just not a kid anymore, and nearing 30, I might like some more modern Disney movies more than this. So it goes. 2020's a whole new world.*

*#SorryNotSorry** **Shout-out to Peabo Bryson for GIVING IT HIS ALL on the R&B version that airs over the end credits. (He also killed it with Celine Dion on "Beauty and the Beast.")

Best song: “Friend Like Me”

Updated ranking

1. “Beauty and the Beast” (review) 2. “The Little Mermaid” (review) 3. “Cinderella” (review) 4. “Sleeping Beauty” (review) 5. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (review) 6. “Aladdin” 7. “One Hundred and One Dalmatians” (review) 8. “The Jungle Book” (review) 9. “The Great Mouse Detective” (review) 10. “Fantasia” (review) 11. “The Rescuers Down Under” (review) 12. “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” (review) 13. “Alice in Wonderland” (review) 14. “Lady and the Tramp” (review) 15. “Pinocchio” (review) 16. “Robin Hood” (review) 17. “Oliver & Company” (review) 18. “The Rescuers” (review) 19. “The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad” (review) 20. “Bambi” (review) 21. “The Aristocats” (review) 22. “Dumbo” (review) 23. “Peter Pan” (review) 24. “Fun and Fancy Free” (review) 25. “The Fox and the Hound” (review) 26. “The Sword in the Stone” (review) 27. “The Three Caballeros” (review) 28. “Make Mine Music” (review) 29. “The Black Cauldron” (review) 30. “Saludos Amigos” (review) 31. “Melody Time” (review)