#cute vibes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andimoon · 8 months

Note

hello <33 can you do 22 and 28 with Baek please 🥺

Hello lovely Anon! Thank you for your request! 😁 I loved writing every second of this, and I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 4.5K

Warnings: TW/ mentions of fat shaming, discrimination, mentions of Academic pressure. But Baekhyun is such a sweet boy. 💛💛 best friend!Baekhyun

Baekhyun x Plus Size Reader

Best friends to Lovers AU

Angst Fluff

22. “Do you know how much I love you?”

28. “I’ll go if you go.”

All your life you’ve been told what you needed to be. All your life you’ve been told what to do, and when and how to do it. It was mind numbingly terrifying to tell your family of your future plans. Not only did you not want to study law or health, like your parents wanted. You were offered an internship abroad, one that would provide you with connections and experience in something you truly loved. Fashion.

Its beauty came from the complete and utter humanity; all of us need clothing, yes, but what made it so interesting to you was how anyone can express themselves through it. Like an extension of someone, their race, their culture, their background, and absolutely anyone could wear anything and look good in it as long as it was one 100% authentic to them. Even someone like you, who was often bullied for your weight, found confidence in your attire and it meant the world to you. But your family didn’t understand your passion. To them fashion was a waste of time, energy, and money. Your love was a waste. You didn’t know how to tell them you were leaving in two weeks. You didn’t even know if you still wanted to leave if it meant losing everything you already had. So you kept putting it off. You kept acting like everything was fine and normal.

“Good morning, Cookie!” Your best friend called for you on your way to school one morning, he jogged up behind you, letting his arm dangle heavily from your shoulders.

“It’s because you’re sweet, like a cookie! Why? You don’t like it?” Baek’s reasoning for the nickname and the words always filled your mind when you heard it.

He smelled of soap and coffee, coffee made more sense as the heavy arm lifted and a drink was held before your eyes. It was so early and the exhaustion from hiding your secret had already rundown your day, but this. This godsent elixir was going to wash away all of the stresses of your morning. The excitement radiated off you in waves and you heard your best friend laugh as you gratefully took the drink.

“Thanks, Baekhyun, you’re the best.”

“Anything for my favorite person.” He offered you a small theatrical bow and it brought a laugh out of you. “So,” once you were walking again, “How’d it go?” You had promised him that you were going to tell your family today, but you hadn’t promised to do it this early. Baekhyun didn’t understand, he was the prize of his family, the perfect son. He was handsome, smart, and charismatic, and everyone loved him. The opposite of you. No matter what he chose to do, you knew everyone in his life would support him. He couldn’t understand the fear you held, by telling your family of this internship you risked your entire relationship. What if they disowned you? You could already imagine your mother screaming and crying, ‘how dare you choose clothes over your family? Do you not see how much we need you?’

“It didn’t.” You finally responded, taking a sip of that delicious iced drink he brought you. The sweet milk and caramel made you happy and you continued down the path to your college building. Baekhyun had been your friend for almost a decade now. You’d met at the end of primary school and graduated high school together, and the entire time he treated you like an equal. Not once had he made mention of your weight or mocked your dream. If anything, all he ever did was support you and care for you, and he came to you for the same which you gladly gave. He was your person, even if he wasn’t your boyfriend, he was your safe place where you could be entirely authentic. He’d stopped walking but at some point he ran up to catch up to you.

This time Baekhyun was staring at you as you walked, almost running into other pedestrians due to his carelessness. “What do you mean it didn’t?” You shrugged it off, not wanting to get into this conversation so early, and he called your name as if you were being ridiculous. “This is serious, you can’t leave without telling them. You’ll regret it if you do.”

“Yeah well, I don’t even know if I’m gonna go or not. So there might not even be anything to tell. I don’t know yet.” This was your dream job, but it meant leaving your home, your family, your friends, Baekhyun, everything. Could you really leave everything behind for a dream that might not even work out? It was far too early to think about this again and your mood was turning sour because of it. He stayed quiet after that one. He knew of your circumstances but he could never understand.

“I’m still thinking about it. But the day hasn’t even ended yet. I might still talk to them today, I don’t know.”

“Okay.” You walked in silence after that and it was kind of awkward, if you were honest. It was so rare that your best friend didn’t have something to say. You suddenly felt bad for your outburst. Maybe you’d been too harsh. He was just looking out for you, you knew Baekhyun truly cared for you and just wanted the best for you. It was just too much for early-morning-you.

Classes continued as normal, as did your scheduled shifts between them. You’d been lucky enough to attend this college, it wasn’t anything special, but it did teach you the things you wanted to learn and gave you the connections you needed to get closer to your dream. Like this internship. They provided you with a job on campus which you were endlessly grateful for, and it was also what introduced you to your closest group of classmates, people who were kind to you and cared for you. You couldn’t just leave everything that easily and this decision had been rattling inside your brain for weeks, begging for something to hold onto, something that gave you indication on what to do.

Fashion was your love, your very reason for breathing. Fashion made you feel like you, and you knew you would regret not taking this internship. You would regret returning to your normal life, returning to everything you hated, from the corrupt beauty standards and how they made your life a living hell to how those around you belittled you for your weight even if you weren’t unhealthy. You hated how you were never seen as a human, only ever seen as your body or your future. With this, you could finally do something for yourself. But you ran the risk of losing everyone you loved.

Lunch finally came around and you heard Baekhyun’s familiar voice as he dropped his tray on the table and took a seat across from you, “I think you should go.” This again.

“It’s good to see you too. How’s your day been?” You hummed out sarcastically behind your spoon and shoved a bite into your mouth so you wouldn’t be forced to have this conversation right now.

The way he called your name, so gentle, begging for your attention, “I think you should go. This is your dream. You’re always so happy when you’re designing or making clothes, it’s what you’re meant to do. You should go.”

Do you let out a defeated sigh, it’s not that simple. “What about my family, Baek? They’re struggling, we barely have enough money to get by and if I leave, what are they gonna do?”

“That’s not up to you to solve,” he spoke softly, “I understand you’re worried about them, but there are adults here. If you’re really worried, you can always send them money from your paychecks, or find other ways to help them. That shouldn’t stop you from fulfilling your dream. I know your family is going to support you. They love you and want you to be happy.” he spoke so seriously, as if he knew what you were going to say. Had he been thinking about it just as much as you had?

“What about school? What about our friends? What about you? I can’t just leave you all behind.” There was silence now, but he didn’t look surprised by your words, instead the smallest smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He leaned in a little closer.

“I’ll go if you go.”

His words echoed in your brain. Did you hear him correctly? “Baekhyun,” you started carefully, “I can’t ask you to do that. This internship is halfway across the world, what about your life here?” You watched the way he leaned back, the way his eyes lazily traveled around the university cafeteria. You watched as he let his shoulders shake with the smallest shrug.

“My life here means nothing if you’re not here.” Your chest felt heavy, pressure and pain. He would give everything up for you, but you could not let him do that. Baekhyun was the prize of your town. He came from a wealthy family and had his future planned out for him. A future he used to talk about so fondly when you were younger. He was genuinely excited to inherit his father’s company, and he was willing to give that up so that you could go without regrets. You shouldn’t go.

Brown eyes caught your gaze and he willed you to understand what he meant, he wanted you to stay, but he kept saying the opposite. What was there to understand? “I,” his voice rang out through the soundless table, “I want to go with you, Cookie. I want to be a part of your future. I want to see what an incredible designer you’re going to be. And who knows? Maybe I’ll get famous one day modeling your clothes. So...” He inhaled a calming breath, willing you to do the same, “If you go, I’ll go.”

Somehow, that was enough to end the turmoil inside you, the sign you needed to make your decision. Here was your person telling you to fulfill your dream, telling you he wanted to be part of it, telling you he wanted to go with you. As much as your brain wanted to refute it, his words were crystal clear, and it brought happiness somewhere inside you. As long as you were together, you knew you could face anything. “Okay.” You sighed out once the fog in your brain cleared enough, “then we should go.” The smile that radiated from his lips, left your body feeling warm, and tingly, and happy. For the first time, you felt relieved that you could make this decision and it could be okay.

You sat your family down that evening and you told them about your internship. “They call it an internship, but I will be getting paid for my work there. They’re able to teach me so much and it’s one of the biggest fashion companies in all of Europe. Within a couple of months, who knows how far I can make it.” You had printed out little pamphlets for them; the building you’d be at, the team you’d be with, the work they had already done, and how you could add to that. A collection of your own work so that your family could see that this wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. “I leave in two weeks. And Baekhyun has decided to come with me so I won’t be alone. I’ll call you every day, I’ll send you money from my paychecks, and I’m gonna work really really hard. Please understand.”

You left no room for argument but you hadn’t anticipated the utter stillness that filled your home after your presentation. You swear you could’ve heard a pin drop in the other room. Until, “This is what you really want to do?” Your mother’s voice was just above a whisper and you couldn’t tell if she was upset, but you needed her to know that this was something that you genuinely wanted more than anything in the world. You needed to prove that your passion warranted such a drastic move. This was life changing and you wanted it.

“It really is.”

“Then,” a heavy sigh, “Then we’ll support you. But don’t forget your promises. You still better call every day and work as hard as you can.” Your mother spoke for everyone but you saw the nods of agreement from your siblings and father, “If you’re going to do this. You better do it right.” By far not the reaction you had anticipated, but it was welcome. After weeks of stressing and overthinking, it felt like that dark cloud over your head disappeared. The relief that washed through was felt in your bones and your muscles physically relaxed.

“Thank you so much.”

Two weeks passed so quickly, but it was nice that your family took some time off to be with you. Your siblings helped you pack and you played games as a family for the first time in years. You went out with your classmates nearly every chance you got; shopping and drinking and just enjoying being together. It felt like your distance would be indefinite and no one wanted to miss out on the last few days you would be there in person. You felt loved. And you would miss them so much. Even at the airport with your best friend at your side, you recalled the tears that were shed and how lucky you were to have friends and family that loved you so much, you were able to leave without regrets now.

“Are you excited, Cookie?” Baekhyun’s voice stood out amongst the busy airport chaos. He looked happy and excited, not once had he been able to sit still the entire ride there and now he walked with an extra pip in his step, “This is my first time on a plane. It’s like we’re going on a new adventure, who knows what’ll come? I’m excited. Are you excited?” The smile was evident in his tone and your chest swelled, he was right, this was exciting. A whole new world at your fingertips and you were glad you weren’t facing it alone. It was like a bolt of electricity ran down your spine, suddenly you reached for his hand and ran down the terminal towards the gate with the need to move. His laugh was glorious and the world around you faded.

The office was busy, bodies at work in a glorious studied dance. Weaving between each other, fabric and colors flying everywhere, everything shined and glowed, and it was beautiful. It was your first day of work. Finally, finally, you got your dream job. For so long you’d been admiring the work of designers, falling in love with the creativity of it all. The power to create any look you wanted, at your fingertips. Walking in tune with the office harmony set in place, making your way to your new workplace.

You didn’t know what you expected from the lead designer, but this wasn’t it. A tall lanky man with a stern look in those maroon eyes, from some angles they looked red and scared you. His white hair was slicked back save for a few locks rebelliously brushing his cold expressionless face. You’d been taught not to judge people by their appearances, but the more you worked with the man the more villainous he was. He was abrupt and harsh, he saw clothing like statues; meant to look a certain way in order to fuel that horrendous beauty ideal. He hardly spared you a glance, and after working at his side for three months, he still didn’t know your name. Oftentimes he would just call you ‘fatty’ or ‘piggy’ or some other disgusting derogatory term and if it weren’t for the near promise of a better opportunity, you would’ve quit the first week.

If you knew that this dream job would end up as a nightmare you never would’ve come. But you had learned a lot of techniques by watching the lead designer work, you’d even gotten attention for projects you helped on. Not from the lead designer, of course, but from other higher ups. Some even said that if you honed your skills a little more you’d be able to make it bigger than you could ever imagine. So you stayed.

Most days you came home defeated and exhausted, greeted by your best friend turned roommate. Just being with him made everything worth it. At some point you’d come to realize your feelings for the man. For so long it just felt like he was yours, neither of you really showed interest in others, but with this new world and new people, and the beauty all around you, you were starting to wonder if you were worth his affections. He was so perfect in your eyes, there was no way he didn’t have people falling at his feet. You wondered if Baekhyun ever thought of you the same way you thought of him but you quickly dismissed the feeling. Of course he hadn’t. You both knew he was out of your league, and you… you felt like nothing. You’d dragged him all the way across the world and all you had to show for your efforts was exhaustion and depression. Maybe the lead designer had been right when he said you wouldn’t amount to anything.

Today Baekhyun greeted your tired form with take out dinner from your favorite restaurant and instantly your day felt a little bit better. “Voldamort still got a stick up his ass?”

You snorted out a small laugh, taking a seat next to him on the living room floor. Just the sound of his voice had a way of easily calming every storm raging inside you and you let out a dramatic sigh with the drop of your head against the coffee table. Maybe if you hit your head hard enough you could be reminded as to why you thought this internship was a good idea in the first place. “Like always.”

Warmth of the back of your head and the slow pats down your hair, you leaned your cheek on the wood to get a better look. He sat next to you with a small content smile on his lips, “You did well today.” He looked tired.

You knew that he would get a job right away with his perfect proportions and his gorgeous features, and you remember how excited he was when he came home one day, “Guess who just got a job?” he was posing and flexing dramatically and that silly grin plastered on his lips, “A photographer saw me on the street and just had to have me on their set. Their words, not mine.” He had been beaming for weeks, this was a huge leap in his modeling career and he was even starting to gain some traction on his social media. You were so proud of him, this was the happiest you’d ever seen him, but you knew that he wasn’t eating well, he was working so hard he hardly slept. You just worried about him.

“Are you eating with me today?”

He hesitated for a moment before that smile of his was back, he nodded and you were content to be able to share a meal with him again. Greasy food was always best at the end of the day, especially paired with a fizzy drink. It was somewhat a tradition for you two. After exams, greasy food. After graduation, greasy food. After a hard day, greasy food.

Happily munching away at the fried chicken, your eyes traveled to your best friend. He was taking twice as long to eat and was eating less than he usually did. Baekhyun never made any mentions of your weight, he never made any mentions of his either, but ever since he started modeling you’ve felt hyper aware of your size difference. He ate so much less, and you noticed how he would react to certain food you requested to eat. He never said anything but your mind filled in the gaps. He was embarrassed of gaining weight because gaining weight was ugly. Being fat was ugly.

Suddenly you weren’t hungry anymore and excused yourself, ignoring the worried look that followed you until you closed the door and leaned against the wood. A few muffled footsteps and a gentle knock against your back, “Cookie?” The name felt bitter in your mouth for just a moment, “Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.” Your voice stayed level and you were thankful that none of your ache was in your tone.

“Don’t lie to me. Please, let’s talk. What’s wrong?” What were you supposed to say to him? You thought his lack of eating was fatphobic? It was an insane assumption and you knew it. It was your own insecurities being projected, you knew that, but it hurt all the same. “Please?” You always gave into his sweetness, you always faltered when he wanted to talk, and you always ended up feeling better afterwards. Yet it still gave you trouble and you needed to psych yourself up enough to open the door.

There he stood in that cozy gray sweatshirt, he was practically drowning in it and you forced your eyes to meet his. How were you supposed to have this conversation with him without accusing him of anything? Because he had truly done nothing wrong. Then why did you feel so upset? He could do whatever he wanted to do with his own body, it wasn’t his diet or the extensive workout routines that had you on edge.

It was the lingering gazes at the models wearing your work. It was the limit of the food he would often buy for the house, the addition of fruits and vegetables, the invitations to the gym or for a walk, or things like that. “What’s wrong?” He asked again, and you brushed your ticklish hair back, pinning it under your hands at the base of your neck and you sighed. You knew he was looking out for you, Baekhyun had always nagged you to take better care of yourself even back at your hometown but you felt different now. You felt unworthy and you were certain that he saw you the same way.

“It’s nothing, I understand. You’re a model and you want to look a certain way, of course you have to put in work to look how you want to look,” You were speaking so fast, you didn’t even give yourself time to think before it came out. “But you look grossed out by just the idea of getting fat, Baek. Do you think being fat is gross?” You’d done it. You’d accused him and it felt wrong the moment you did it, but that was exactly how you felt, you couldn’t take it back now that it was out.

Not a sound, not a breath, nothing. You saw the emotions flashing behind his eyes, confusion, anger, sadness, and the longer you stared, the worse you felt. You wanted to apologize but a part of you needed to know. “Do you think I’m gross?” His eyebrows knit and he instantly shook his head, in disbelief that you would even suggest such a thing.

“No.” The first word to leave his lips came out firm and steady, “Why would you ask me that?”

“Because I love you.” You hadn’t meant to say it outloud, and you gasped in anything else your body wanted to force out. You both stood speechless for what felt like eternity. You had to say something, “I’m scared that you don’t feel the same. I’m scared that my body is repulsive to you.” The words kept coming out but you could no longer look at his face, there was too much happening in his gaze and you were overwhelmed and confused. “I dragged you all the way here and I have nothing to show for it. You're doing so well for yourself, I just… I don’t want to be left behind.”

Suddenly he was taking steps until he was standing right in front of you, warm palms cupping and lifting your jaw to meet his gaze. “I’m not repulsed by you or by the idea of being fat.” he pulled his lower lip between his teeth and his eyes looked around frantically for just a millisecond before they returned to yours, “I want my body to look a certain way, yes. But that’s because it's what I want and nothing else. I am so sorry, I didn’t realize how my actions could have hurt you.” he searched your gaze for so long and you couldn’t look away. “I’m sorry. You’re everything to me, and I want you to know you're safe with me, Cookie.”

You felt silly, you were embarrassed by your assumptions and all you wanted to do was run and hide from this man who held you. His eyes followed yours as they darted away, “Do you know how much I love you?”

Baekhyun’s voice was gentle as a feather and that look in his eyes, you couldn’t quite place it but it made you happy somewhere deep in your heart. “I love every bit of you. I love your hair and how every curl makes it look and feel like clouds,” as if to showcase you felt his fingertips cascading down the side of your cheek before gently lifting a lock of your hair to his lips.

“I love your eyes and how honest they are, how beautifully mesmerizing they are,” his voice dropped with his eyes, “I love your lips. I love how soft and kissable they look, and I love every sound that comes out of them. I love how soft your skin always is.” His hands traveled up your arms and down your back slowly with a small step closer to you. You could feel his breath against your skin and all of your thoughts fell away, “I love your curves and how beautiful every part of your body is. I love how perfectly you melt under my touch, it feels like your body was made for me. You have no idea how much I think about you, Cookie.” His laugh was quiet but you felt it in your chest.

Your heart felt full and you couldn’t help the way you wrapped yourself around him under his arms as he pulled you closer. He was speaking fast and animated and with every word you held your breath. “And you’re also, like, this whole other universe. You see the world so differently and it’s breathtaking the way you find beauty in everything and everyone. I love the way you think, and the way you speak. I love your brain, and your heart, and your life. I love you.” He let out a breath, “so fucking much.”

#exo #baekhyun #kpop #fanfiction #angst #bbh #baekhyun x reader #Baekhyun x plus size reader #friends to lovers #best friends #confessions #love story #cute vibes

18 notes · View notes