#considering you haven’t done them in like 20 years
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Not Just Pals || Jake "Hangman" Seresin
Summary: Request - Hello darling! I have a request for you if you don't mind... It's a hangman x fem! Reader pen pals to friends to lovers kind of thing. Like maybe when he was in the academy someone put his name in this program to write to college students but joke on them because he got paired with reader and they hit it off almost instantly... Read Rest Here
A/N: Whew! This one was for whatever reason really tough to write! I changed it up a little bit but I hope you guys still enjoy it. :)
Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female Reader
Word Count: 3.9k +
T/W : Self-doubt
October 9th, 2014
Hi There Y/N,
I’m not sure how you’re really supposed to start one of these things? How are you supposed to go about talking to somebody you’ve literally never met before? Although the Navy/Army pen pal thing could be interesting. I’ll be honest, my buddy signed me up and I didn’t think I’d actually write anything down but then I got the email with your name on it, Cadet Y/N Y/L/N. Consider myself intrigued.
What’s it like up in New York? Is it cold? Do you get a lot of snow? It gets awfully cold down here in Maryland, so I have to imagine how cold it gets up there. I’m from Texas so I’m still adjusting to this weather… four years later. It’s not easy. I think it’s the hardest part of living in the northeast. I’d rather run a marathon with a thirty-pound pack on than sit outside in the snow for more than twenty minutes. I hope to get stationed somewhere warm when this is all set and done.
Your ‘about me’ says you’re going into the Air Defense Artillery after West Point… which is the exact opposite of what I’m doing. Consider myself doubly intrigued Cadet. What do you do? Fire missiles and rockets at jets? That can’t possibly be as much fun as firing them when you’re in the air. It’s cool just not nearly as cool as what I do, know what I mean? Maybe a close second though.
Have you even been in a jet before? I bet you’d like it. I obviously don’t know you, but I haven’t met many people who didn’t like it. There’s something so freeing about flying 1,000 miles per hour in a tiny silver tube. You should try it sometime. If this whole thing works out maybe I’ll even take you up one day, who knows?
I guess that was my attempt at 20 questions. Hopefully you didn’t find it too annoying. Hope to hear back from you soon!
Jake Seresin
November 23rd ,2014
Hello Future Lieutenant Jake Seresin,
I’m thrilled you actually decided to write. I’m glad my name was all you needed to pick up that pen. I have to admit you made me giggle a few times. You seem effortlessly funny Mr. Seresin. Even for a soon-to-be Pilot.
I find it comical you’re asking me about the weather of all things, Midshipmen. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do on an awkward first date? But to answer your question, yes it’s cold as all get out up here. But I’m from Indiana so I’m used to it. Doesn’t mean I didn’t wish West Point wasn’t in Georgia or something. Why’d they have to put all the Military schools in the north?
What was it like growing up in Texas? Did you ever see snow? One of my favorite memories from this place is watching my roommate (who’s from Florida) see and play in snow for the first time. She froze her ass off but had the day of her life. She also hates snow now. So, it looks like you warm people have that in common.
To sum it up I guess you can say we fire rockets and missiles. My professors always say, ‘If it sounds like rocket science, it is’. Basically, we need to protect the ground troops from the flying bastards aka you. Although we do love our American flying bastards. So, I guess that doesn’t knock you down too many pegs in my book. Do you think they matched us up because our jobs are the antithesis of the other? If so, somebody had a hilarious sense of humor.
I’ve never been in a jet, and I have no plans to either. I don’t think I’d enjoy it if we’re being honest. You’re talking to the girl who gets sea-sick on cruises and had to take a motion pill if we’re going to an amusement park. My lil brain can’t handle the motion. A character flaw as they say. I also have a sense that you wouldn’t go to easy on me, being Army and all. I’ll stick to my calculations and rockets.
Don’t tell anybody I wrote this, but I do think what you guys do is so badass. I work with a bunch of jealous Cadets who couldn’t make it into the Army Aviation division, they’re just bitter. When I was little my dad used to take me to the Blue Angels shows in Chicago whenever they made their way across the States. Kind of the reason why I wanted to be in the military in the first place. But only my dad knows that. And well, I guess you now too. So, keep my secret safe Mr. Seresin.
I know the weather is less than desirable, but I do hope you’re finding things you love in Annapolis! There are some of the best crab cakes I’ve ever had there.
Thanks for the smiles after a long week!
Your New Friend,
Y/N Y/L/N
February 16th, 2015
Future Second Lieutenant Y/N Y/L/N,
That has a right to it doesn’t it? Your name sounds good with a Second Lieutenant in front of it. Sorry it’s been so long since I wrote. Getting busy with graduation coming up and practical’s and all. It’s a lame excuse I know, but it’s all I got. I hope you know how big I smiled reading your letter to me. I read it about fifty times before I could write a decent response to you. You have a way with words that I haven’t read in a long, long time.
Was your father in the military? None of my family was. I also loved the Blue Angels when they came down to Houston for the air shows. I’d always beg and plead and finally my mom or sister would give in and take me. They’re also the reason I’m here. So, I guess we should thank them that we got to meet. Neither you nor I would be in these academies without them. Your secret is locked away in the drawer and safe in my head too. It’s super safe with me.
I’ll be honest, the food here is so damn good. I sure do miss my Texas barbeque, but the spread is better up over here. Plus, the snacks? I didn’t know there was different brands sold across the states and you guys have better girl scout cookies! That’s just not fair. I could’ve gone my whole life knowing that there were two versions of girl scout cookies and I got the worse version. I’ve enjoyed the move far more than I’ve regretted it. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. It doesn’t guarantee I’ll be a pilot, but it means I’m one step closer to getting there.
What all schooling do you have to do after you graduate this spring? Are you up for deployment soon? I’ve got a lot left to go. If I get picked after I’ve got a few years of flight school ahead of me. Then I’ll really be off. Wish me luck I make it!
With Love,
Jake
March 13th, 2015
Mr. Seresin,
I was getting worried! I thought it was something I had wrote. I’m glad it’s your negligence and not mine for the lack of communication. I forgive you though. It’s been stressful up here in New York as well. I luckily don’t have any practical’s I need to worry about. Just a few nuclear engineering classes are standing in between me and graduation.
I just have a year of Officer School (if I get selected that is) after this is all set and done come June. We have to apply this April so I’m getting a little anxious about the whole thing. I don’t really have a backup plan that I’d actually like to do so I really, really hope I get selected. Enough about me though, let’s talk about you. You’re going to get picked! Don’t let any bad thoughts get in between you and your goal. I think you’ll make a fine pilot Jake. You seem to have your wits about you which is the first step a lot of people miss.
My dad was in the Navy, like you. Don’t gloat though, it’ll ruin the finely crafted image I have of you. He was a deck hand or something like that. I wish I could ask him some more about it, but he passed when I was just thirteen. I just remember he loved being in the Navy. He loved everything about it. He made it seem like anything was possible with a passion.
I’m glad you’re enjoying the food and the girl scout cookies. It took me by surprise when I got Peanut Butter Patties instead of Tagalongs when I was down south for a winter. I’m so glad I grew up where the real GSC are sold.
I hope this letter brought you as much joy as yours brought me.
With the Same Love,
Y/N
(P.S. – Here’s my number if you’d like to text instead of write. No pressure!)
It had only been a week since you sent the last letter. Sure, you hadn’t really known the guy all too well but there was something so exciting about sending written mail. You felt like a little kid on Christmas waiting for a response from him. Who knew throwing your name in something so silly for your class would bring you so much joy.
You sat down on your desk setting your computer out front of you to study. Jake was right. It was an awfully busy time of the year. Applying for your future. Studying for you exams. When you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket you truly didn’t think much of it. It was only hours later when you finally closed the laptop shut that you went to check it that your face scrunched in confusion. You didn’t recognize the area code. It was then that it clicked that it could be him.
No pressure at all text! Hi there (it’s Jake).
You grinned reading it over and over again. That was quick! Maybe you made an impression? You sure hoped so. You hardly even knew what the guy looked like. You might’ve gone digging a little when you got his name. He was cute. Handsome even. But he seemed like that type. That arrogant pilot type. But even in just the two letters you received from him you got the hint that he wasn’t that type of guy at all.
I didn’t think you’d actually text me. It’s good to hear from you.
The messages between the two of you were infrequent at best as the semester ended. But he never failed to put a smile on your face. When you needed a pick me up you went through and read the messages that popped up.
On your graduation day you sent him a picture of you and a few friends in a cap and gown with the text: Beat you! You’re also looking at your newest Officer Candidate too!
You didn’t have to wait long for a reply. Your face only grew with glee seeing his response: Congrats Second Lieutenant. And future Captain. Knew you’d do it. You look beautiful as always.
Typing a quick reply, you hid your smile away just knowing your friends would make a stupid comment about the mystery man that always had you so smiley: You’re making me blush all the way up here in New York. I better get a picture next weekend when you do the same, future Lieutenant.
He came through on your request. When you got the text you could only smile. You spotted him in the picture immediately, your eyes drawn to him. He was so damned handsome. How lucky were you to get paired with a guy like that? Your smile grew further when you read the message: Lieutenant (and future pilot) Jake Seresin reporting for picture duty.
The messages occurred naturally between through the years as you were deployed, and he was in school. Some months you texted more and some you didn’t hear from him at all. It never bothered you. The silly little thing called life happened for both of you.
Still, the two of you often made time for phone calls when the time was right. The first time you talked on the phone you thought you were going to quite literally throw up you were so nervous. But in typical Jake Seresin fashion he made you feel cool as a cucumber. You talked and talked and talked into the morning. It felt so normal. Like you were catching up with an old friend. Jake Seresin. Who was this man that was making it hard to date? He was quite literally everything you wanted and needed in a partner. The universe had a funny way of working sometimes.
It had been six long years since you received that first letter from him. He was off on a mission now. A dangerous one he couldn’t tell you much about. But he wanted you at his arrival back home in San Diego and you promised him you’d be there. Assured him. That’s how you ended up in here pacing in the hotel room contemplating whether you should really go or not. It felt too intimate, like you were intruding. But he did say none of his family would be there, they had other things going on as the mission was a bit of a surprise to everybody. The pilots were all instructed to keep it as quiet as possible.
Your hands were shaking as you parked your car in the overcrowded lot. Gripping the steering wheel, you took a long breath in. You could do this. You had to do this. For him, for you. You stepped out of the car and made you way to the dock. The aircraft carrier was already docked by the time you got to the meeting site. You stood back and waited. Watched and waited. It felt like an eternity then finally the men and women started pouring out in their Navy Whites. You’d always thought they looked the sharpest of the bunch, but you’d never tell Jake that. He’d make fun of your Army uniforms or something like that.
It felt like both an eternity and seconds later that you spotted him amongst the crowd of sailors exiting the ship searching high and low for you. You promised you’d be there. And here you were. He either felt your eyes on him or had an uncanny sense of timing as his eyes locked with your own. His smile had melted you right there on the spot. You felt helpless as you willed your brain to move but it wouldn’t. You only began to panic a little as he moved with ease through the crowd making his way right to you.
He stood in front of you. Jake Seresin stood in front of you, much taller than you thought, “I knew I recognized you. First Lieutenant Y/L/N.” His eyebrows raised as you gaped at him with wide eyes as if he wasn’t really there. Closing your mouth, you knew you needed to pull it together but that sounded much easier said than done. Jake freaking Seresin, your pen pal was really standing in front of you in real life. He was more of enigma in your mind at this point. Somebody you could have deep life conversations with so easily but never having actually met the man it was hard for you to grasp he was really real. And standing in front of you.
“Jake.” You smiled hoping it sounded somewhat normal. He was so much more handsome than the photos he sent through the years. How was that possible? Wasn’t it supposed to go the other way? You continued once your head finally could form coherent sentences, “Well it’s actually Captain now. Got promoted a couple weeks ago.”
He turned his head to the side just slightly, “You didn’t tell me that.” Almost looking offended you hadn’t told him.
“Never felt like the right time to divulge. With this mission and all. Had to keep you locked in.” You looked up to him now studying his face as you gained more courage talking to him. He was something your dreams couldn’t make up.
He nodded not daring to take his eyes off you. He too thought you were even prettier than he could have envisioned. You’d sent pictures and he’d followed your social media, but nothing could’ve prepared him. Especially in your civilian clothes, he was a sucker already. Deep down Jake knew you were the reason he was so non-committal before. He was looking for somebody just like you and couldn’t find her. Yet here you stood in front of him. You were so funny and witty and smart, and yet he couldn’t put it all into words. You are the whole package and so much more.
“You still could’ve told me. We talked enough before I left.” He grinned seeing that the tension was already easing from your shoulders.
You shook your head, “Wasn’t about me Seresin. I just wanted you to stay focused and safe. And thank goodness you did.” You admitted a little more than you wanted, but he just made you feel so gushy. Like you were a sweeter version of yourself you could hardly recognize. And the words just kept flowing out when he gave you that look with those green eyes.
“Oh yeah?” He challenged you a bit sensing that you were starting to feel a bit more comfortable with him already, “Didn’t think you’d be so relieved darlin’.”
Ignoring the sweet term of endearment you shook your head, “And waste six years of my life on nothing? Jake that’s so inefficient. Of course, I want you safe.” The words came fast, and they were snarkier than you intended. But you truly couldn’t help it. He had you relaxed within the first five minutes of talking to him. You felt like you could just be you.
He threw his head back in laughter. That same weight had lifted right off his shoulders when you snapped back at him like he was waiting on it, “There she is. My favorite mouthy girl.”
He said it so nonchalantly you thought your heart was going to combust on the spot. Your cheeks surely gave way to your reaction to his words. His favorite mouthy girl? Christ. He was trying to send you into a coma or something! Your brain quite literally short circuited as it failed to form any coherent sentence. He only chuckled in response seeing your cheeks heat up in a blazing blush.
“It’s so nice to actually see you in person. You know I’ve always told you this, but it rings even truer even now. You’re quite a stunner, Captain.” His eyes met yours before you looked away quickly feeling as though you were going to faint at those words. You weren’t sure how this interaction was going to go initially. But you really didn’t think he’d come right out and say that he found you stunning. The occasional letter and texts in between had grown flirtier the longer you had known him, but it never crossed your mind he’d be so outright with it.
You turned away out of sheer bashfulness. Never had a man been so bold with you before. It was foreign. Not uncomfortable, no. Nothing could be with him. He made it easier than seemed possible.
“You flatter me Jake.” You grinned up at him hoping your makeup would hide the darkening of your cheeks, “I should say the same for you. Handsome as ever.”
“Now you’re making me blush, Cap.” Sure as hell the faintest pink dusted his cheek, but he seemed much stronger than you. He kept the eye contact going.
You shook your head trying to bite back the big smile you had on your face, but it showed through anyway. How was he doing this? Making you feel so giddy just by looking at him. You knew this man but for the first time it actually felt like you might actually love him. You’d had the deepest conversations with him. When you needed a laugh you texted him. When you craved advice you called him. He was the guy you turned to. And it dawned on you that he never failed to answer you. He wanted to take your calls and answer your texts. He looked forward to it. He too had fallen for a woman he’d never met before.
You needed the change the subject and fast or more words would be tumbling out, “How was the mission? Everyone make it out okay?” You asked having no idea what you were getting yourself into. Jake hadn’t told you much about what they were doing, couldn’t tell you much. But now that it was over he couldn’t wait to tell you every nitty gritty little detail.
“I’ll tell you if you let me buy you a drink?” He gave you a smirk that sent nerves racing throughout your body. Jesus. This man was something else.
Giving him a curious once over you nodded, “Shouldn’t I be the one buying you a drink sailor? You coming home and all?”
“Absolutely not. I’ll never let you buy me a drink darlin’.”
Gosh, Jake was actually going to be the death of you. He was so good making his words come off so easily. You felt terribly high strung next to him, “And why not?”
“Because I’m trying to woo you sweetheart. When I get you to go on a date with me I have to impress you. Inevitably that’ll work and you’ll become my girlfriend. And I can’t have my girlfriend paying for my drinks, no. And it’ll only get worse when I get the pleasure of marrying you. If my wife thinks she’ll pay for a thing she had another thing coming.” He gleamed at you as if he didn’t just say all of that.
You gulped before a stupid smile grew on your face. Of course, you knew he was forward but again, he just took you on an entirely new adventure with that statement, “That’s quite a bold statement Jake.”
He shrugged, “I thought I should make my intentions perfectly clear. I think you’re one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. And you’re perfectly you. Sharp as tack. Funnier than ever. You’re you. And I really like you.”
You let out a breath not sure if you really believed all of that, “So not just pals, huh?” It was all you could think of quickly but that did it for him. Sealed the deal. He knew he was going to marry you right then and there. You’d complete him in every way he needed you and vice versa.
He shook his head taking his arm in yours, “Not just pals.” Leaning into his gentle embrace you led him to your car where he would not let you drive. He insisted that it was a gentleman’s job even if he was only running off four hours of sleep. You’d appeased the man who was on his very best behavior. Not that you minded. Nope, not at all. You were thrilled that Jake was exactly who he seemed to be. Your Jake. Not just pals indeed.
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AITA if I actively worsen my family’s sanity as revenge for worsening mine?
My family is that if two parents and three children (all in our 20s).
Without getting into deep specifics, basically, I’ve lost all the patience I’ve had for my family. My mom who is manipulative, my dad who is neglectful, my siblings who are egotistical and dismissive.
because I’m the middle child and oldest daughter I’ve been the brunt of every negative thing you could think of, and I dealt with it for… 25 years.
but this year as my New Year’s resolution I swore to treat them worse than they treat me. So every time my mom tried to manipulate me into feeling bad for her and to love her and to do the house chores, I threaten to kill myself and tell her that she was an awful mother and that if she really cared for me she wouldn’t ask me for things. (She knows I have mental illness that makes it hard for me to do things)
and when my dad puts my pet in danger I slap him and threaten to take his pet to a shelter to have him euthanized and tell him he should die alongside his pet (he is in his mid 60s)
I don’t do anything directly to my siblings because our relationship honestly isn’t that bad, but I did make a fake Instagram account that I use to call out one sibling for all the stuff they do to keep their image up or whatever (some bullying might be involved in their part)
and for my other sibling, who collects vinyls, occasionally I go and scratch up a vinyl they have. Just enough to make it seem like normal wear and tear, they haven’t noticed yet lol.
whenever my parents try to bring up my behavior to me I start yelling at them about how I’m crazy and they raised a crazy daughter and that everything I do is a result of their own creation. And my dad has offhandedly said to let a (female) pet die after she got injured once, so I bring that up all the time.
I tell him that since he hates women so much he should just shoot me like I know he wants to.
Over the past few months I’ve noticed that one sibling has become extremely paranoid, while the other has gotten very frustrated. My dad avoids me now and my mom is very obedient and quiet.
I don’t feel bad about this, and I know there are other things I could have done, but I feel like this has been worth 25 years of repressed anger. Now that the year is almost over, I’m considering that my New Year’s resolution be to try to fix whatever shit show has become of my family, but that’s not the point.
AITA for taking this revenge, or am I justified in paying them back?
the reason I don’t think I’m the asshole in this situation is that at least for the first several months, they tried doubling down on their bullshit. My mom got more manipulative, pulling out everything she could to make me feel bad for her and to submit to her again. And my dad became violent toward my pet, whom I’m protective of to the point where I’ve told every single person I’ve met that if anything happened to her I would kill everybody and then myself. (Luckily I was able to prevent my dad from actually hurting her, but the fact that he tried drove my goal further).
honestly, my sibling probably didn’t deserve it because we all pretty much ignore each other, but I’m holding the grudges from childhood when they would beat me up and break my stuff.
and before anyone says it, I went to therapy for four years and it just made me more angry
What are these acronyms?
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Music Spotlight: MIYAVI
Are you ready for a special Music Spotlight guest appearance? This week, we’re featuring popular singer/songwriter, guitarist, and actor MIYAVI to celebrate the release of his anime cover album MIYAVIVERSE. Check out our full interview below!
Tell us about your recent album, and what you hope fans take away from it.
The new one is an anime song cover album. We cover anime songs like Evangelion or Naruto or Hunter, classic ones. One of the reasons why we did that was because I am Japanese, so it’s great to relearn that content, and I’m sure so many of my fans will be familiar with those anime. It’s a fun process to bring those anime tracks to MIYAVI’s world. It’s a different kind of vibe—anime songs, J-pop. But once I start playing the guitar, it’s like the original universe of the sound—and that’s why we named the album MIYAVIVERSE. It doesn’t have to be only the anime songs—it’s more like when we covered ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’, or ‘Youth of the Nation,’ or other Japanese tracks as well. Obviously it’s MIYAVI’s sound, but it’s a fun process to do a cover.
Your 14th studio album is themed around hit anime songs—what would you consider your favorite anime of all time, and your favorite opening/ending song?
My favorite is Dragon Ball Z. I know, it’s too classic, but that’s the thing I was watching when I was young. And every anime lover is going to respect Dragon Ball Z. To be honest, it’s too hard to cover that song—we can do it, but I don’t know if it's doable to perform on stage in a cool way. So that’s why we gave that one up.
Your illustrious career spans the last 20 years and multiple mediums—what would you consider the highlight up until now? Are there any major moments of growth you can recall?
Yes, a lot. First of all, when I moved to Tokyo from Osaka when I was 17 years old. I was kind of beginning to start finding myself as an artist. And then I became a solo artist, and then, you know, I started focusing on the guitars, and people started calling me a guitarist—so what’s my name? And then, in 2008, I started going on world tours, learning English, and acted in the film Unbroken with Angelina Jolie—so of course, you know these are big moments. And then I became an ambassador for UNHCR—that’s huge.
If you could give your younger self advice on how to cope with the pressures of society, especially in the entertainment industry, what would you tell them? Would you give your kids that same advice?
First of all, keep going and polishing up your skill, what you have—you know—your talent. That’s everything in the end. Nothing else helps you. I still just keep telling myself that. You know, it’s not about the connection or relationship or, of course, personality is counted—it’s included. More than that, as an artist, what you can give to the world is everything—so just keep going. As long as you have "it".
What are your biggest passions outside of music and acting? Are there any hobbies you turn to when you need to destress?
I play games. It’s a great connection with my daughters. It’s a huge connection, and then even while I'm away from home, I can still communicate with my daughters. And then it’s great to have something you share with your family. At the same time, it consumes a lot of time. So that’s the thing—once we start playing, it’s like we keep playing because it’s fun, and we go crazy. But at the same time, time is time, and I do need to work. But that is the hard part, and it is working well for our relationship. It is also the same thing if you play soccer or basketball or sports, it’s kind of the same thing.
This year marks your 20th anniversary, and in that time, you’ve racked up an impressive list of accomplishments. Is there anything you haven’t done yet that you’ve always wanted to? And are there any opportunities you regret not taking?
Basically, there are no opportunities that I regret not taking because I take everything. I never miss opportunities, as you know. When schedule conflicts, and some things that I was not able to do, there are some of course. But, personally, I never missed any opportunities in my life—so there is no regret. But there are tons of things that I have not accomplished, and want to accomplish. We haven’t gotten any GRAMMYs. These are not everything you know, but that's a great goal to have—and I have to work harder to accomplish it.
Want more MIYAVI? Check out his new anime song cover album MIYAVIVERSE here.
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Astrological observations part 20.
! This is 20th blog with observations and I’m so shocked I haven’t give up yet. Pliz for the love of mercury be gentle with me cause English isn’t my second language and I’m trying my best with vocabulary and grammar. Lastly these are my opinion and what I have experienced in my life don’t take it personally!
༘⋆ having earth sign placements means stress and anxiety for everything (send you love)
༘⋆ Leo moons must be the least confident placements because Leo is in the planet of emotions and so any criticism will crush them. Pliz be gentle with Leo moons:(
༘⋆ y’all think that Gemini, Sagittarius and Pisces aren’t easy to keep and they will change many lovers but I will tell you that you aren’t special enough to keep them. If they actually fall in love with you then they won’t leave even if Satan tries to bribe them.
༘⋆ Having libra/gemini moon is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I will talk about the curse of feeling a lot but you can’t decide what to feel…yeah you can talk ur emotions but truly u can’t even pick anything to feel. Also having your moon in your 3rd house is actually the same thing as having libra or Gemini.
༘⋆ Capricorn men are the men who look really good with glasses and elegant library college style. Prove me wrong hihihi
༘⋆ and speaking of male Capricorns. I want someone to explain to me why they look like they have lived 20 lives in the span of 5 years? Like Capricorn men change so much…and it’s really scary. If not the most chameleon type of sign.
༘⋆ everyone can say that they had a messy life or they messed up a lot…but not like Gemini,Aries,Pisces and Sagittarius did. These people they have done the most stupid shit ever and then BOOM one day they decide that have grow up and need to fix their lives. (It’s never too late babes)
༘⋆ in the subject of men (which I don’t like as much) I have to tell you that the men who looked the most beautiful are libra and Taurus men. Like they are so eye candies.
༘⋆ and the last capricorn observation but I true love u guys and also I want to know why you are talented and know so many things? Like I have noticed that so many male Capricorns are so talented and can talk about everything. Like they can paint, draw, play music, sing, act and they are so funny and charismatic…women? Literally goddesses.
༘⋆ I was watching the office and the line that Ryan says "I’m keeping a list of everyone who wrongs me" is the most Scorpio and Leo thing I have ever seen.
༘⋆ I have been around with a lot of Pisces and honestly they all so social butterfly (expect me who dislikes people for some reason) I don’t know why people think we are shy and introverts?
༘⋆ okay but I have noticed that people who are okay with nudity and consider it as freedom are the people who have heavy Aries, Scorpio, libra and Sagittarius placements.
༘⋆ mercury usually doesn’t really show about love but since it’s the planet about thoughts, it actually shows how you think about love or when do you like someone. For example Aquarius mercuries they know damn well when they like someone and they act accordingly (of course that can be influenced from other love related planets)
༘⋆ I love seeing the “Kris Kross” between 2 peoples charts. Like if you have a lot of the same zodiac signs but in opposite placements (like having Pisces sun with Aquarius Venus and they have Aquarius sun with Pisces Venus) then consider this a win and really positive for a relationship of course aespects are important as well. Now I can’t say the same thing in friendship synastry…the most crazy combinations can happen there
That’s all babes <3
My masterlist if you care to read more my other blogs.
Thank you soooo much for liking my posts and give me support to keep writing. Really greatful for it 🫶🏻
Stay healthy,happy and peaceful in these dark times we living.
Send u a lot of love 🫶🏻
#astrology#astrology notes#astrology observations#natal chart#air signs#water signs#earth signs#fire signs
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my I Need Money post (AKA, please consider helping me survive my abusive homelife)
Hi! I’m Cecil. I’m a 20 year old transgender artist from Louisiana, and I can make YOU art!
Art is my sole source of income, and I’m in a bit of a pickle. I am an adult now, and I gotta do adult things. like pay off debt. My sibling is 17. We are both victims of abuse and child neglect at the hands of our alcoholic parents. It’s not so great, but I’d like it to get better.
I’m disabled from medical neglect, and have no way to get my driver’s license. I am unable to get a job, as I live too far from anywhere that would hire me, with no way to get there. This is all I got, man! I got two hands and a warrior’s spirit!
My sibling is my pride and joy and I want to see them flourish and thrive because they’re awesome. They struggle with untreated bipolar disorder and a slew of medical problems, and I want to get them treated for it. I also need to take my two cats to the vet. I have debt I have to pay off, and I have to buy myself food to combat my increasingly declining weight. My clothes don’t fit very well anymore. :(
Art and design is my life-long passion, and I’d like to do it for the rest of my life, but I can’t if I can’t get on my feet. If you’d like to view more of my work, you can check some out here, or view some of my more professional work on my commission website here.
If you would like to financially support me, consider commissioning or donating! Even just sharing helps!
https://ckncommission.carrd.co/
https://ko-fi.com/cknelysium
On a serious note, things at home are not great. This is where I talk about what is going on in detail. Details of abuse and neglect beyond this point. Not required reading, but necessary for context. Photos included.
It’s not that I’m just poor, my parents both work full-time jobs, and they manage to pay the bills. I have food and a roof over my head, but I own nothing but debt, and can’t financially support myself. My parents have been neglecting my sibling for years, and neglected me the same. They do nothing to help us.
My sibling is showing signs of health deterioration, likely malnutrition, and they don’t seem to be concerned about it at all. My health is getting worse, too, because my parents have ignored me when I have stated I am getting worse. I haven’t been to the dentist ever since I was a child. I live with disabling chronic pain and intense fatigue, and I don’t even have a diagnosis, since no one will take me to the doctor.
My sibling likely not going to graduate because my parents have not supported them at all with their mental health, education, or support them just in general. They live in total isolation alongside me. My parents are also the reason why I can’t get a job- they won’t teach me how to drive, and won’t provide transportation. I am physically trapped in my own house, and the only people who can drive refuse to take us anywhere.
They also will not help clean the house, and they won’t help fix our dryer or washer, which are both broken. They won’t take our pets to the vet. They won’t spare any expenses for things that need to be done. They spend most of their money on alcohol. In my state, we are currently experiencing what one would call abuse and child neglect. This is one of the only times I have ever written, in detail, what my home life is like.
Our washer and dryer, both broken. We don’t have any flooring in that room. The other is part of our living room floor. I am the only person who cleans the house in any capacity, and when I do it never, ever stays clean. The dirt is from my dad alone.
I need to cover doctor’s visits, medication, food for my sibling, and vet costs for my pets. I would also maybe like to have a little treat every once in a while. I can’t physically drive, but if I am able to get the money for it, I can force my parents to take care of things. Due to the, er, abuse, I am also isolated from the world at large and have no support system. All things described on my sibling have been happening to me for years, but I’m technically an adult now, so there’s little anyone can do for me.
Things aren’t so great, but I think they can get better through blood sweat and tears.
Which is why I have to step up and try to do all these things myself! A difficult task, but I want to make art into something I could do as a job. Please lord have mercy, I want to wash my clothes. I can even save up for a car, and teach myself how to drive, so I can finally reach independence. Without financial support, I can’t achieve that at all. I am very stressed about everything.
I’m very isolated as a result of not being allowed to go anywhere. I don’t have anyone I can confidently trust with my home-life situation. I have no resources either, as I live in an area with very little support for adult victims of parental abuse.
I’ve never made a plea like this before. I just want to be able to live and thrive and survive on my own, and I just can’t do it at this rate. If I can go to the doctor, I can get healthier, and undo all the years of medical neglect and actually hold a full-time job making coffee like I’d like. I’m afraid both me and my sibling will never get anywhere in life, and I don’t want that for them. I don’t want that for me. I want to finally start living.
Thank you for reading, and getting to the end.
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Lavender - Ch. 49
Things change in Jackson but the most important things stay the same. The final chapter of Lavender, found in its entirety on Tumblr here.
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Warnings: Smut! No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only
Length: 7.3k
Sunday, October, 4, 2026
“Hey Joel!” Suzanne, a woman who worked at the clinic with you, ran up to him as he made his way home after an overnight patrol. “Do you know where Doc is?”
“Think all my girls are at home,” he frowned a little. “Not sure, haven’t been there yet since gettin’ back but I’m heading there now… Everything OK?”
“Think we’ve got an appendicitis,” she winced as she said it. “If she’s home, can you send her our way? Save me the trouble of going to look at your place.”
“Yeah, ‘course,” Joel said. “I’ll see if I can track her down if she’s not there but it’s Sylvie’s nap time so can’t imagine she’d go far…”
Suzanne smiled gratefully and ran back into the clinic, her ponytail swinging.
Joel was eager to get home to you under any circumstance but even more so after doing an overnight patrol. He’d been away from you too long. He never slept well on patrol, never slept well if he was somewhere he couldn’t touch you, feel you breathing next to him. Whenever he got back, he usually spent five minutes just holding onto you, centering himself on you and the feeling of you in his arms again. But now you’d be running out the door right away. Even though he knew appendectomies were relatively easy and that you’d only be gone a few hours at the most, it was hard to not be a little frustrated by it.
“Hey Love,” you smiled when he came in, stretched out on the couch with a ribbon tied like a headband in your hair and his daughter asleep on your chest. “Didn’t want to risk moving her, both of your kids have been in rare form today…”
Sylvie, now 18 months old, shifted ever so slightly on her mother’s chest, her little features drawn in for a second - as if to prove a point - before relaxing. Her hair was getting long, her thick, dark curls a clone of her father. Her eyes were, too, when they were open. Joel knew them well. It seemed like he’d done nothing but stare at her for months after she was born, the combination of you and him something too beautiful to look away from.
It sometimes felt to Joel that there was some part of the universe that always wanted your child to exist. You got pregnant so fast. He couldn’t be sure but the timing of the day at the lake made sense, like the only thing stopping the creation of you and him together was the power of modern medicine. The moment there was nothing preventing it she sprang into being, all but inevitable.
Joel was surprised at just how much he loved seeing you pregnant. It hadn’t been something that he’d ever considered before now, not something he’d ever been drawn to before now. But looking at you, knowing you were growing his child, knowing your body was changing because of him somehow made you even more beautiful.
Lucky for him, your hormones made you practically insatiable - not that you’d ever had a low sex drive. But it went from sex most nights to sex every night, often twice, and once again in the morning if you woke up with enough time before needing to get yourselves or Ellie out the door. He loved finding new places on you to touch and hold, loved kissing your stomach over where you were growing his daughter, loved holding your swollen breasts as he sank into your tight heat from behind, always cumming deep inside you because it’s not like he could make you any more pregnant.
It took everything he had in him to not try to get you pregnant again. You’d told him, flat out, no. The pregnancy hadn’t been rough but it hadn’t been easy, either. You were tired but had a hard time sleeping, sensitive to all kinds of sights and smells, throwing up more days than you didn’t. It was easier, you said, than your first pregnancy, the one that was lost. But you were 20 years older now, everything was harder on your body now than it was then and the last thing he wanted to do was cause you any pain.
But seeing you be a mother to his children had a tight hold on him. Every time he was inside you he had to fight the urge to plant himself deep, resist the drive to give you another child of his to grow and raise with him. Logic didn’t matter when he was inside of you, all that mattered was you and the primal need to give you as much of him as you would take.
“Both of ‘em, huh?” He asked, coming over and pressing a deep kiss to your forehead and stroking your hair before sitting on the edge of the coffee table.
“Yup,” you smiled a little. “Sylvie has not been on board with eating anything but she’s been crying half the day because she’s hungry. Ellie got home about an hour ago and didn’t say a word before stomping upstairs. So yes, your daughters have been in a mood today.”
“Why are they my daughters when they’re actin’ up?” He asked, gently resting a hand on Sylvie’s back, feeling her little chest rise and fall with her sleepy breaths.
“Because that’s when they take after you most,” you smirked a little. “When they’re angels who have never done a damn thing wrong, they’re mine.”
He laughed once and went to scoop Sylvie off your chest and getting to his feet. You frowned.
“I’ve got this little troublemaker since she’s apparently mine today,” he said, his youngest daughter stirring and scrunching her face as she yawned, her plump lips immediately falling into a pout. She buried her face into Joel’s neck with a little whine. “And I’ll go up and check on the other one. They need you at the clinic, appendicitis.”
“In that case, I leave you to be the outnumbered one,” you said, getting up and stretching out your back as you did. Joel took a second to admire you, the added thickness to your hips and legs and softness to your stomach and fullness to your breasts after carrying his daughter somehow making you even more lovely. Before, he didn’t think you could get anymore beautiful. Of course you’d find a way to prove him wrong. You reached up to kiss him, smiling against his lips before brushing Sylvie’s hair back. “Think you can behave yourself for your father since I’m sure he’s tired and hungry after a long day out patrolling?”
She groaned and pushed her little face into his shoulder. He laughed.
“Not like I haven’t dealt with moody girls before,” he said. His heart, he found, hurt less when he thought of Sarah now. The fact that she wasn’t there was still something that was missing. An emptiness and an ache of loss where he knew there should only be fullness and light. But he saw so much of her in Ellie and Sylvie and you. It made it so he could think about her, remember her, without it consuming him. He could miss her and remember her without suffering her loss. “I’ve got this Baby, go save a life.”
You kissed his daughter’s chubby little hand and gave his arm a squeeze before leaving. He looked at Sylvie, her face still in his shoulder.
“Alright Baby Girl,” he said. “We’re gonna try puttin’ you down for 10 minutes so I can talk to your sister, let’s see how that goes…”
He carried her upstairs and set her gently in her crib. She stretched and yawned and pouted, her eyes closed - lashes so long they were splayed across her plump cheek - until Joel tucked a rag doll Ellie’d made her into her little grasp. She tugged it against herself and settled a bit and Joel all but tiptoed out of her room and down the hall to Ellie’s. He knocked gently on the door.
“What.” Her voice was sharp.
“It’s me,” he said. “Wonderin’ if you wanted to talk about somethin’.”
“No.”
He waited a second.
“Can I come in?” He asked.
“Your house.”
He sighed. Why were teenagers so hard? He opened the door slowly and found her curled up on the bed, her eyes red and her arms crossed, her back to the mural.
“What’s goin’ on, Baby Girl?” He asked gently, coming and sitting beside her on the bed.
“I said I didn’t want to talk,” she snapped. “And I really don’t want to talk with you.”
“Well, I’m who ya got,” he shrugged. “So I’d like it if you did. Want to help you if I can.”
“You can’t help,” she glared at him. “You’ve done plenty.”
“Wish you’d tell me what you mean,” he frowned. “I’m at a loss here, Baby Girl.”
She sat up, crossing her legs and looking him in the eye.
“There’d be a cure right now if it wasn’t for you, wouldn’t there.” She didn’t ask it, she said it. A statement of fact. Joel’s stomach dropped.
“Where’d you get that idea?” He asked.
“That’s not an answer, Joel. Would there be a cure if it wasn’t for you?”
He sighed.
“Let’s talk about this when your mother…”
“No,” she shook her head. “No, she’s not my mom and you’re not my dad. You’re just some assholes who took away the one chance I had to make a fucking difference!”
That hurt, more than he’d have thought it would. It’s not like Ellie called you Mom and him Dad but it felt like she thought of him the way he thought of her. You’d both tried to help her see how important she was, how much she mattered, what a difference she made to the people around her every day. It hadn’t seemed to stick.
“This about Lucas?” He asked softly. She glared at him but he took that for a yes.
Her friend, Lucas, had been killed out on patrol a month earlier. Ripped apart by infected. It was tragic, the first loss on patrol in years. Lucas had been competent and likely kept the carnage from being worse, holding off a hoard long enough to get his patrol partners out alive. Ellie had been distant and sullen a lot since then.
You’d talked to Joel about it and the both of you figured she was mourning the loss of her friend. Neither of you thought it would be something like this.
“Baby Girl,” he said gently. “Why don’t we talk about this when Doc gets home? You can ask us whatever you want, we’ll answer you. OK?”
“Why, want to wait to get your stories straight?” She snapped.
“Not gonna lie to you,” he said. “We’ll tell you whatever you want. But she needs to be here for it, too. Not right for it to just be you’n me, OK?”
“Fine,” she snapped, curling up again. Sylvie started fussing in her room. He sighed and she just looked at him. “Go, I’m not allowed to talk to you until Doc’s here, anyway.”
He fought the urge to fight her on it and went and picked up his youngest daughter, instead.
You’d been right about Sylvie. She wasn’t in the mood for eating anything but kept giving her hungry cry, wailing too much to actually form words, instead toddling around inconsolably. Eventually, he broke into a jar of canned peaches and handed her a sticky slice, the syrupy juice from the jar dripping down her hands. She chewed it, hiccuping, her tear-streaked little face calming.
“You just wanted sugar,” he shook his head, smiling a little. “Should’ve known.”
He found himself glancing at the clock every few minutes, waiting for time to pass, waiting for you to get home. For the first time, he was almost dreading it. Because the conversation with Ellie had the potential to ruin everything. He wouldn’t know how to fix it if she hated him for it. Wouldn’t know what to do if she decided to leave because of it. You’d tried to tell him that you had to explain it when it happened but he’d convinced you to do what he thought was the right thing to do. He’d convinced you to all but lie.
If Ellie left because of it, would you leave, too? To stay with her? She would know it was Joel who wanted to hide it, she was anything but stupid. If she levied an ultimatum, would you leave him and take Sylvie with you? Would he deserve it if you did?
All things considered, you weren’t gone long, home well before you’d either start cooking or head over to the mess hall for dinner. He met you at the door, Sylvie on his hip.
“Hey,” you smiled, making your eyes go extra wide to get a little giggle out of your daughter. “She looks happier, I’m guessing you got her to eat something?”
“Broke into some of the canned peaches,” he said as you put your arms around him and Sylvie, stretching up for a kiss.
“Well if it works,” you said before you frowned. “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong…”
“Ellie wants to talk,” he said, holding you a little closer. “About Salt Lake City.”
You winced.
“Shit,” you dropped your forehead to his chest and took a deep breath. “Well, we knew it was coming eventually. Think Tommy can take Sylvie for the night so we can hash this all out and make sure we’re focused on Ellie?”
“Good plan,” he kissed the crown of your head and gave you a squeeze, some of his anxieties eased. You were here. Somehow, it was going to be OK.
Tommy, thankfully, was fine to take Sylvie and didn’t ask many questions after he saw the look on Joel’s face. Instead, he took his niece inside to play with Jake, his son, and Joel came home to find you and Ellie on the couch. You’d made tea and Ellie was rapping her fingers against the side of her chipped mug. She narrowed her eyes at Joel when he came in, her small body tucked into the corner of the couch, her legs crossed in front of her. Joel sat in the arm chair near your end of the couch. He couldn’t settle back into it. Instead, he sat on the edge of it, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him.
“OK Baby Girl,” he sighed, looking at her. “What do you want to know.”
“What happened?” She asked, staring him down. “With the Fireflies. What actually happened. You’ve never told me the truth about it but I need to know now. I can’t keep living with you fucking lying to me about it!”
“OK,” you said gently. “It’s OK…”
“No, it’s not OK,” she snapped. “And I’m tired of pretending like it is!”
“They were gonna kill you, Baby Girl,” Joel said, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat, the tightness in his chest.
“What?” Her eyes were a little wide. “No, Marlene said…”
“Marlene lied,” you said, your voice sharper than Joel was used to hearing. “Their doctor was purposely vague with me because he knew I wouldn’t go along with his plan…”
“What was the plan?” Ellie asked. “What did they need that would kill me?”
“Your brain,” Joel said. It hurt him to even think about it, to think back to those horrific minutes where he wasn’t sure if he’d get to her in time, where he thought he might have lost her forever. “They needed the Cordyceps that have been in you since you were born and they grow inside your brain…”
“You should have let them!” She cut him off, her eyes wide and teary. “Why would you stop them?”
“Ellie…” he began but she smacked her mug down on the coffee table with a loud thud.
“This was my one chance!” She looked between the two of you. “I could have actually done something! Been something, made a difference! My life would have mattered!”
“Your life matters just the way it is,” you said, tears in your eyes. “Ellie, you and Sylvie are the most important things in the world to us, nothing could matter more than you…”
“What about every other person in the fucking world?” She demanded. “What about…”
“The science was flawed,” you cut her off. “You were the only sample, to even test it would have killed you. Do you know how rarely something works right the first time in science? Basically never. Do you know how many combinations of things I had to try before my treatment worked in testing? Thousands, Ellie. They were going to kill you on the off chance he had it right and then when it didn’t work, what would be the point? That you got to die a noble death? That we lost you for nothing?
“I had notes from the treatment I developed and he wanted to wait to try anything with it until after he took the cordyceps from you,” you pressed on. “He could have said stop. He could have decided to exhaust every other option first and he didn’t. He was convinced he was right and that’s not a good way to conduct science, I couldn’t trust him to do this right. The other option wasn’t for you to save the world Ellie, not really. Yes, maybe it would have gotten there eventually but it was so far from a certain thing.”
“But…” she protested.
“You’re not a parent,” Joel said gently. “But would you have let them kill me or her for that? Or Sylvie? Would you have let them kill your little sister for somethin’ like that?”
Ellie just stared at her lap.
“So what happened?” She asked, her voice thick. “You said the place was attacked but it wasn’t, was it?”
Joel looked at you and you reached out your hand for him. He took it, holding onto you for dear life.
“They weren’t goin’ to listen, Baby Girl,” he said. “I did what I had to do to keep you safe.”
She nodded slowly.
“And that’s how Doc got shot,” she stated it again. “They were trying to protect themselves from you.”
“Yeah,” he said, your hand still tight in his own.
“How many people?” She asked quietly, looking up at the two of you. “How many people died there?”
He clenched his jaw for a moment before he was able to meet her eyes.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I… I was so focused on gettin’ you out, I just did whatever I had to do.”
“So you killed all those people,” she said. “Brought me here… and Doc, you just gave up? You never tried to do anything with all that shit you did? You just let people keep turning?”
“Ellie…” you went to reach for her but she flinched back.
“I can’t…” she shook her head. “I need to think… I’m going to stay with Dina for a bit.”
She got up and Joel did, too.
“Baby Girl,” he said but she shook her head.
“Lucas might still be alive if she’d just done something,” Ellie shook her head. “But she didn’t. Neither one of you did. And it’s all fucking because of me.”
She left and you were staring at the spot on the couch where she’d been.
“Baby,” he said cautiously. He didn’t like the look on your face. “I’ll go after her…”
“No,” you shook your head and wiped your eyes. “No, let her go. She deserves some space from me.”
You got up and went for the stairs.
“Baby…”
“I’m going to shower,” you said.
He watched you go, wishing he could find some way to fix it.
***
Tuesday, May 11, 2027
“Don’t like this,” Joel stood next to you, holding Sylvie, frowning. “It’s too dangerous…”
“I’ll be fine,” you put your palm in the middle of his chest and kissed him. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
He pulled you tight against him, his lips in your hair.
“Mama,” Sylvie grabbed your braid. “Can I go on the horsie?”
You smiled and brushed your daughter’s hair back. She looked so much like her father it made your heart ache.
“Not this time, Baby Girl,” you smiled. “But soon. Promise.”
“You ready?” Tommy rode up along side your horse.
“As I’ll ever be,” you gave him a tight smile before kissing Sylvie one more time and giving Joel a longing look. “I’ll be back soon. I will.”
“You’re not back by Labor Day I’ll come get you back,” he said, voice dark. “Make sure they fuckin’ know it.”
He kissed your forehead and you mounted your horse, heading with Tommy outside Jackson.
The day after Ellie left was your birthday and it was the worst it had been in years. You stayed in bed most of the day, Joel just holding you.
“She’s right,” you said as the sun went down, your husband’s fingers tracing up and down your arm. “I should have done something with it, I’ve just been letting people die by not doing something with it…”
Joel tried to talk you out of it but you were determined then. You pulled Tommy aside and talked him into tracking down old Firefly contacts he had, seeing if he could find Dr. Anderson. After making some carefully placed radio calls over a span of months - much to Maria’s chagrin - he found him, at a hospital in Boise.
“You’re not goin’,” Joel paced your kitchen, his arms crossed. “I don’t give a shit if you can save everyone on the goddamn planet, you’re not goin’.”
“Yes, I am,” you said, sitting at the table, voice calm. “I respect your opinion but you don’t get to make this decision for me.”
“What if somethin’ happens to you?” He asked, stopping in front of you. “You’re talkin’ about meetin’ up with a bunch of fuckin’ terrorists who already damn near killed you…”
“They need what’s in my head,” you said. “They won’t kill me.”
He knelt in front of you, almost the exact place he’d been when he’d proposed years earlier, and took your face in his hands, holding you gently.
“I can’t do this without you, Baby,” he said, his deep brown eyes soft and scared. “Don’t ask me to try’n live without you, I don’t want it…”
“I can’t live with myself if I don’t try,” you whispered, pressing your forehead to his. “Please, Joel. I have to do this. I have to.”
He made it obvious that he wasn’t a fan of the idea but he agreed to it, staying behind to take care of Sylvie and keep an eye on Ellie, who had started coming around again, more to see Joel than anything else. You hadn’t told her you were leaving or why. You didn’t want to get her hopes up in case something fell through or have her feel responsible for you choosing to go if something happened to you out there. But you left a note to her, Sylvie and Joel, just in case you didn’t make it home. Just to be safe.
“Been a while since just you’n me got into trouble,” Tommy said as the gates closed behind you. “Should be fun.”
“Whatever you say, Tommy the Commie,” you smirked.
“Jesus,” he sighed. “Been how long and you’re still on that? Gotta get a new schtick, Kid.”
You laughed. At least you got to go on this damned trip with one of your best friends.
The ride to Boise was uneventful and you made it in just five days. The Fireflies were about as happy to see you as you were to see them, holding the two of you at gunpoint as you rode up to the city. Tommy looked about as happy about it as Joel would be.
“Dr. Miller,” Dr. Anderson said when you came to the hospital, giving you a stiff nod. “Can’t say I ever thought I’d see you again.”
“Feeling’s mutual,” you said, standing up as straight as you could, jaw squared. “You tried to kill my daughter.”
“And you kept me from saving the world for mine,” he said. “So I think we’re even.”
The two of you struck up an uneasy working relationship, Tommy hovering like a body guard for the first week you were there but apparently trusting the Fireflies enough to not kill you for at least a few hours at a time.
You’d brought some vials of Ellie’s blood with you, taken by one of the nurses at the clinic under the guise of running a few standard tests when she was sick with the flu weeks before. It took some time, but you were able to narrow down what you thought at least stopped the progression of cordyceps in her, even if it wouldn’t go as far as making someone immune. By late July, you’d developed an emergency injectable you thought would work to halt the progress of the cordyceps. Dr. Anderson distributed it to the Fireflies who were most likely to encounter infected. Then, it was a waiting game.
It took three weeks to discover that it worked. A patrol was overwhelmed by infected and one man was bitten. They used the injectable at the bite and the spread stopped. He was rushed back to you and Dr. Anderson, where the two of you carefully extracted the cordyceps from his arm.
“It’s not a cure,” you said after the man had been monitored for four days with no sign of infection. “But we can stop new infections.”
“That’s a whole hell of a lot,” he nodded. “We can synthesize it, spread it. It’ll take a while but it’s a start. A start to getting our world back.”
You were excited, of course. Thrilled that your idea had worked, that you’d been able to help begin to stop the suffering caused by infected. But mostly, you wanted to get home. You missed Joel, you missed Sylvie, you missed Ellie. You missed your life with them. You and Tommy left for Jackson the next day.
The ride back to Jackson felt longer than the ride to Boise. Maybe it was because you were so ready to get home and because your husband and daughters felt so close but so far. By the time you got back, you all but jumped off your horse at the stables and ran home.
“Joel?” You called as you pulled open the front door. You heard something clatter to the sink in the kitchen and he appeared in the doorway.
“Baby,” he ran and grabbed you, clutching you close to him, almost knocking the air out of you. “Fuck, I’ve been so worried, I’ve missed you so much…”
He sounded like he was on the verge of tears as he held you to him, kissing every part of you he could reach.
“I missed you,” you held onto him, your fingers in his hair. “But we did it, Joel. We made something that can stop infection…”
“I’m so proud of you,” he pulled back from you enough that he could kiss you. “But I care much more about you bein’ back than anything about infected…”
You laughed at that. He went and got Sylvie from her seat in the kitchen, where she’d been coloring.
“Mama!” She started squirming when she saw you, stretching and reaching.
“Hi Baby Girl!” You took her from her father and tried to keep from crying. She was bigger now than you remembered, her hair longer. You held her to you and breathed her in, Joel pulling you both against him.
“They didn’t have…” Ellie said, coming in the front door. You twisted to see her and you heard something clatter to the floor. “Mom!”
She hurled herself at you, holding onto you tightly.
“I’m so sorry,” she was crying. “I didn’t…”
“No, Baby Girl,” you wrapped the arm not holding Sylvie around her and kissed her temple. “You were right, I should have done something with this so much sooner…”
“I’m just so glad you’re back,” she said, burying her face in your shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have said that shit, I’m so sorry…”
“Just keep calling me Mom and you can say just about anything else you want,” you said, voice wet. She laughed. “I love you, Ellie. So much.”
“Love you, too.”
October 5, 2029
The first time you heard a plane overhead, you instinctively ducked. The last time you’d heard that sound was the day of the outbreak, almost 25 years earlier, and a plane had almost come down on your head.
You were walking home from the clinic and you ran the rest of the way to your house.
“Joel!” You yelled the second you were in the door, but you didn’t have to go far to find him. He was sitting on the floor of your living room, playing with Sylvie.
“Baby?” He frowned, a doll in his large hands as Sylvie held the bottle and sat on his lap. “What’s goin’ on, everything OK?”
“There was a plane,” you said, breathless, eyes wide. “Overhead, outside. There’s a plane.”
“A plane?” He raised his eyebrows. “You’re sure?”
“Damn sure,” you said and then you laughed a little. “People are flying again. There was a fucking plane.”
That was when you got your idea. It was probably a damned stupid idea but it was an idea.
Maria and the rest of the council had been getting regular updates from the outside world since the drug had started being distributed. Things were changing, quickly.
Now that traveling was safer, people started moving a bit more freely. Caravans started first, then train lines opened. It didn’t take long for FEDRA to fall and be replaced with a government more closely resembling the former United States.
Now that there were planes running again, you imagined that meant things were stabilizing. And if things were stable - if people could travel across the country - maybe you could do the one thing you’d wanted to do since coming to Jackson: See if Andrew and Jess would join you.
You missed them and Elizabeth and Jonah fiercely. They were still young enough that they could have a childhood here, that they could learn and grow and lead something close to a normal life here.
Talking Maria and the council into it had been surprisingly simple. Jess’ psychology training would be a boon, adding more children to the community was welcome. And you got the impression that, after five years of treating the people here at the clinic, they wanted to do something for you. There was a train line that ran to Salt Lake City from Boston, and you radioed Andrew for the first time in almost five years.
“Holy shit!” He said when Abe got him and put him on the line. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again, I have so much to tell you…”
“I have a lot to tell you, too,” you said, trying not to cry at the sound of his voice. “But I wanted to ask… How attached are you and Jess to Boston? Feel like hopping on a train west and starting over? I promise, where I live? It’s worth it.”
They came out a few months later and you were there, back in Salt Lake City with Joel and extra horses, meeting them. It was the second time you’d been reunited with someone you loved on your birthday.
You recognized Elizabeth immediately as she jumped out of the carriage first, even though she was far taller now than she had been the last time you saw her. You had to stop yourself from crying. Jonah was next, then Jess, then Andrew.
“Hey!” You started running for them. Andrew saw you then, dropping his pack and running for you, the two of you slamming into each other so hard you were sure Joel heard the thud.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” he said as you clung to him. “Holy shit I missed you…”
“I missed you, too,” you said, choked up. “So much has happened and I kept wanting to tell you fucking everything and I couldn’t and it sucked!”
“Me too,” he laughed. “Me too.”
It took you five days to make it back to Jackson, giving you plenty of time to catch up. Things got worse in Boston after you left. FEDRA’s grip tightened, life becoming more and more locked down. Andrew and Jess did everything they could for their children, trying to give them a normal life but there was only so much they could really do for them. They’d been looking for a place to go when you’d radioed.
Andrew wasn’t shocked that you and Joel had ended up together. He was a little more surprised that you’d had a baby, though.
“I’m so happy for you,” he said, looking a little teary. “You deserve it. You have for so long but I’m so glad you finally got what you wanted.”
The house behind yours in Jackson was open and they moved in there. After giving them a few days to settle in, you invited them over for dinner and game night with the kids. There were so many people, your kitchen table had never seemed quite so small. You loved it.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” you said, hugging Andrew goodbye as his family left for the short walk back home.
“Me too,” he said. “The codependency squad is back in the same place and all is right with the world.”
You laughed and the two of you watched as Lizzy twirled with Sylvie on your back deck, Ellie playing guitar perched on the steps, Jonah watching her, enraptured. Joel put his arm around your shoulders and you leaned your head against him as Jess slipped her hand into her husband’s.
“See you around?” He asked.
“Don’t think you’ve got another choice,” you smiled.
Sylvie went down easy that night, worn out from playing with her newfound cousins. You could still hear the quiet chords as Ellie practiced guitar in her room.
“Night Ellie,” you called as you went to close your bedroom door. “Don’t stay up too late, guitar down soon.”
“I’ll take it easy,” she called back. “Night Mom, night Dad.”
“Can’t say I ever thought I’d be hosting a game night for anyone,” Joel said as you both climbed in bed and turned out the light.
You laughed.
“Me either,” you said. “Crazy what five years can do.”
You snuggled up against him and he put his arm around you, kissing your cheek, working his way down to your jaw and then to your mouth.
“What do you think you’re doing there, Mr. Miller?” You teased, your arm going around his waist. He was softer and thicker there now, but you liked it. A sign of the fact that he wasn’t struggling anymore, proof that he was still here to grow old with you, raise your daughters with you.
“Gettin’ my hopes up, Mrs. Miller,” he said, voice low as his hand slipped below your tank top and found your breast, holding you gently, his thumb brushing your nipple.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to let you down,” you smiled against his mouth and he pressed you closer.
You hooked a leg over his hip and ground your aching core against his already hard length. It didn’t seem to matter that you were 50 years old now, that you’d first slept with him almost 30 years before, that he was there in your bed every night, you always seemed to want him and he always seemed to want you.
He slipped the straps of your tank top down and off, tugging the fabric to the top of your shorts before kissing down your throat to your bare chest. He kissed along the curve of you there, his lips and tongue and teeth brushing along the tender flesh until he sucked your nipple into his mouth and moaned around you, teasing you with his tongue. You groaned and instinctively rocked your hips against nothing, already desperate and needy for him. He moved to your other breast, giving in the same treatment as he held the first one in his large hand, gently rolling your peaked nipple between his thumb and finger.
“Joel,” you breathed, arching your back into him.
“Someone sounds needy,” he breathed, pressing his lips to your sternum and kissing down your stomach - still soft from when you’d carried Sylvie years before. Joel had never seemed to mind.
“I am,” you groaned as he tugged down your shorts and panties, taking the tank top with them, leaving you naked before him. “Fuck, I need you…”
“Can’t let you go unsatisfied now, can we?” He asked, spreading your legs and settling between them. He put your thighs over his shoulders and he teased his tongue along your seam, curling it around your already swollen clit. He hummed in approval.
“Taste fuckin’ delicious,” he said, licking you again. “Can’t believe this pussy is all mine…”
“All yours, Joel,” you groaned as he pressed his tongue into your aching entrance, making you gasp.
He ate you gently at first, his lips and tongue working with his fingers as they softly toyed with your clit. But your husband knew your body well, maybe better than you, and the second he could feel you starting to tighten around him, he was harsher, more eager. His beard scratched against your sensitive skin as he pressed his tongue deep, his nose against your clit as he swallowed up your wetness, two of his fingers hooking inside of you so that they plunged deep as his tongue pulled back, one always replacing the other so you got the delicious friction and push and pull without ever feeling empty.
“Joel,” you panted, your fingers winding in his hair, your hips rocking against his face. You felt the edges of his mouth pull up but he didn’t slow his pace, not even as you exploded around him, your grip on his hair tightening. He ate at you until your orgasm eased and you were left, pliant and gasping for breath, below him.
“That’s my girl,” he said, crawling up your body and wiping your slick on the back of his hand before he settled himself between your thighs. His thick, heavy length brushed against your dripping sex and he kissed you, tasting like toothpaste and your own cum. You looped your arms around his neck as he pressed just the head of himself into you, the stretch at your entrance delicious enough to make your back arch into him.
“I want you,” you breathed when he pulled back from your lips enough for you to speak. “Please…”
“Past wanting you,” he said, sliding himself into you inch by devastating inch. “Past needing you, too. Don’t think there’s a word for how much I want and need you, Baby…”
You whimpered below him as he sank into your body until he was fully within you, your channel feeling so full and stretched but so damn satisfied.
“Belong inside of you,” he leaned down to kiss your throat. “Made to be inside you…”
You wanted to say something back but could only moan as he started to move inside you, his thick cock dragging along your inner walls, his head catching on every ridge of you as he worked his length within you.
He started out faster and harder, your nails digging into his back, the air getting knocked out of you in little gasps with every snap of his hips. Your second orgasm was building fast and, when you began to tighten around him, he pressed as deep as he could reach, slowing is pace so you could feel every exquisite movement.
“You’re gettin’ close,” he panted, hips moving slow and steady, pressing yours down into the bed so firmly you wondered if you were going to have a bruise in the morning. You didn’t care. “Can feel it, you always get so goddamn tight right before, Baby, love feelin’ you like this…”
“Can’t help it,” you were keening below him, doing everything you could to take him deep. “You feel too good, Joel I can’t…”
“Cum for me,” his whole body was covering yours, every inch of him against or within you. “Need to feel you, Baby, need to feel this pussy - my pussy - cum on me…”
“Fuck!” You gasped as your walls fluttered around you and he let out a strangled moan as he fucked you through your orgasm.
“That’s it, Baby,” he sounded almost choked up, straining to hold off his own orgasm for another minute. “Doing so good for me, takin’ me so well, feelin’ so goddamn good…”
Your orgasm faded and he all put ripped himself from your body before pressing his cock head against your clit and spilling his seed over you there, his warm cum making your oversensitive, wrung-out nub throb.
“Fuck Baby,” he collapsed next to you for a moment before he reached into his bedside table and grabbed a clean washcloth, reaching between your legs to wipe away the combination of his spend and your slick. “How are you always that fuckin’ incredible?”
“If you were made for me then I was made for you,” you said, still catching your breath as you rolled to wrap around him. He pulled your naked body tightly to his own and dropped the washcloth on his nightstand, next to the candle you’d made the year before. It was lavender scented, made with oils taken from the plants you’d grown in your back yard. They came from the buds you’d taken from Bill and Frank’s when you first headed west. You’d made several of the candles, liking the fact that the smell helped reduce stress and anxiety. You, Joel and Ellie had seen enough of that in your lives.
Your mind drifted as you lay in your husband’s arms. You drifted through the past 30 years of your lives, the pain of deep loss, the profound connection to the people you’d come to love, the life you’d built with Joel in Jackson. You thought of your daughters that were here with you and the daughters you lost - Sarah and your unborn child. You’d started picturing her as a girl, always a girl. Joel, you were certain, was built for raising incredible girls. He’d done it with Sarah and now he was doing it with Ellie and Sylvie, too. He’d have done that with the baby you lost, too. You could feel it. That feeling hurt less now with Joel beside you.
You thought of Joel playing guitar in your living room, next to the pictures of Sarah and Tess and a sketch you’d made of Ellie and Sylvie. You thought of the way he called you and Ellie and Sylvie “his girls” as though you were everything that mattered to him. You thought of the way that, even as he’d fought to push you away for so long, you kept finding each other again and again because there was something inside of you both that was always reaching for the other. You were made for him and he was made for you. Of that, you were certain.
His lips found the top of your head, his hands splayed wide over your back as he held onto you.
“Love you, Baby,” he whispered in the dark. “More than anything. Always have, always will.”
“Always love you, Joel,” you whispered back. “Until the day I die.”
You drifted off to sleep in his arms, in your home with the family you’d built with the man you were always meant to find. He was yours, you were his and you were happy.
A/N: I can't believe it's over! I sincerely hope you are happy with where Joel, Doc and Ellie wound up in Jackson. They're finally all at a point where they can do more than survive, they can thrive together, just like they were always meant to.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you times a million for reading this story. Your kindness, love and support have meant so much as I've written this piece. I don't think it's possible to thank you enough for that, so I'll just say it again: Thank you.
If you've ever liked a chapter, commented, reblogged, anything at all, please know that I appreciate you. Every notification I got on this fic made me smile. You helped make this journey an absolute joy.
I did start a new fic, called Yearling. It's another TLOU Joel fic and you can find it here.
I'm not great at goodbyes so I'll just say this: See you around. I hope you'll join me on another adventure one day. Until then, take care of yourselves, spread some kindness and share love when you can. I love you all!
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WLW Hotline
Robin Buckley x SW fem!reader, smut 18+, 2k words
I might've downloaded Quinn Audio Er0tica annnnd might’ve stumbled across a guided masturbation audio that made me think of Robin calling the WLW part of a phone sex line🥵it's about time I wrote and posted something so hereeeee ya go [alsoooo there's potential for a part 2 if the ppl want it so pls lemme know if you liked this and want a continuation!! ty!!]
Part 2 • Part 3
CW: reader knows it’s Robin but Robin doesn’t know it’s reader (idk what warning that would fall under but it’s a warning), guided masturbation, eager sub!Robin, mommy kink, nervous Robin but then she gets into it
Tags: @lightvixxen <3
You’ve been working at this phone sex operator for going on three months now. As one of the few out queer people in Hawkins, job hunting was hard until you convinced the boss here to open up a WLW hotline specific for fem bodied people, curious women, closeted women and other out queer women in town (if there were any).
Unfortunately, most of the people who called in to you were men trying to “fix” you or see what’s so special about your line. Every now and again—though it felt rare at this point—you’d get a woman or fem bodied person and your long nights would be worth it again. Plus you had some regular callers, none of whom would give you their real name of course (for privacy’s sake). For the regulars, you’d come up with a nickname to use on all their calls. Your favorite of them was Bunny. An older (like mid 40s), closeted queer woman who’s hubby is shit at making her cum so she calls you after he’s passed out naked in bed.
Another regular is Sweets, a trans man who hasn’t been in a relationship since he socially transitioned. He moved to Hawkins from Wisconsin so he could start over where no one knew his old self.
And recently, more young women (20s-30s) have been calling. Usually for one-and-done calls out of curiosity, but still every call meant a better paycheck. So when your coworker Patricia said there was a new girl on the line for you, you assume she’ll be another curious Cindy like the rest, until you hear her voice.
You pick up and start the call like usual. “Thanks for calling the WLW Hotline, how long of a session would you like tonight honey? Quarter, half or a full hour?”
“Um. Half please?”
Your heart dropped at the voice on the other side of the phone. It was Robin, one of the few out women in Hawkins. You would know her voice anywhere considering how close friends you’d been when you first moved here. But then the fall after she graduated (that past summer is when you met her) she made a move on the band girl she was crushing on and they dated for two years and you were forgotten. Only getting small smiles and head nods when you happened to see her in town. She wouldn’t know you were working here since you’ve not talked for a year and a half.
You know that it’s wrong but you’re the only WLW worker and there is a voice changing filter on your phones so she won’t know it’s you. Plus, you haven’t spoken in so long, and you probably won’t seeing as she’s with someone.
“Half it is. We don’t do names here so you can call me whatever or whoever you want to help you get there. As for my name for you, what would you like? Darling, love, honey, sugar, baby?”
“Oh, um I didn’t think about that. Uh,” Robin mumbles nervously. “I guess baby will work? Or whatever comes naturally for you?”
“Baby is the most natural, we can go with that,” you smile into the phone. “Before we start your time is there anything you want me to know going in to this session? A reason why you’re here, any kinks you want incorporated, anything off limits for dirty-talk?”
“Well, uh, my ex broke up with me about two months ago, and I haven’t been able to, um,” she pauses.
“Masturbate?”
She chokes back a laugh, “yeah. I haven’t been able to get there.” She says, emphasizing the last word.
“Would you like to role play or do you want a guided masturbation?”
“Guided?”
“Yes. Guided as in you follow my every direction and let me take control in making you feel good, but it’s your hands doing the work. Or you can imagine it’s someone else’s.”
There’s silence on the other side of the phone for a moment.
“I, um, I think guided masturbation, please.”
“Alrighty then, I’m gonna go ahead and start the time now if you’re ready?”
“Yeah,” she breathes out a heavy breath.
“Are you gonna listen to my every word, baby?” You ask in a sultry, dominating tone. “Gonna let me take care of you? Guide you since I can’t be there to help?”
She breathes heavy again, “yes.”
“Are you comfy where you are? Maybe in bed? Or on the couch?”
“I’m in bed, on top of the covers. I didn’t want to get in yet,” you can hear Robin’s nerves through the phone.
“Good, good. You’re comfortable then. Why don’t you lie all the way down, get situated. If you’ve got your pajamas on already why don’t you strip down for me, baby? All the way or you can leave your underwear on, whatever you’re comfortable with okay?”
You hear shuffling on the other side of the line and wait a few minutes until the movement stops.
“What do you have on?”
“Nothing, I’m, uh, naked.”
Fuck. This was going to be harder than you thought. You swore that your feelings for Robin were over shortly after she stopped talking to you once she got together with her now ex, but knowing she was naked in bed on the other side of this phone? The pit of your stomach was full of butterflies, you know this will be one of the few calls where you’re gonna end up with wet panties and a need for your vibrator when you get home.
“Good girl.”
“Fuck.”
“Oh you like that baby? Like it when I praise you like that? Being so obedient and doing as I say, you’re so good.”
“Yes mommy.”
Robin and a mommy kink, that will definitely be fuel for your own masturbation session after your shift.
“Why don’t you put the phone by your ear for me, ok? I want you to have both hands free for this.”
“Ok.”
“Good good, now I want you to run your fingertips from your shoulders, down your sides slowly, and then once you reach your hips, bring them up your stomach and above your tits.”
You wait a few minutes, listening to Robin’s heavy breathing through the phone.
“Did that feel good baby?”
“Yes,” she breathes.
“Good, now I want you to softly circle your tits with your fingertips and brush over your nipples ok? Play with your nipples for me baby. Let mommy hear what it does to you since I can’t be there.”
“Fuck, mommy it feels so good,” she moans, and it’s the most glorious thing you’ve ever heard.
“Good girl, now give your nipples a nice pinch for me.”
You know she does as you say because of the deep intake of breath you hear through the phone.
“You’re doing so good for me baby, listening and doing just as you’re told.”
“Mmph,” she whimpers.
“Want more?”
“Please,” she begs.
“What nice manners you have,” you sigh, panties growing wetter with every sweet whimper and moan Robin let’s out. “Go ahead and trail your hands down to your pussy.”
She huffs a sigh of relief.
“But don’t touch.”
She groans impatiently.
“Ah ah ah, do as I say or I won’t help you.”
“Sorry sorry, please.”
“That’s better. Trace your fingertips just at the top of your mound and down the inside of your thighs. Do that a few times.”
You pause and mute your end of the call so you can let out a shaky breath and change how your sitting so you can sit on your leg, putting pressure on your own throbbing center. Unmuting yourself, you ask, “all done baby?”
“Mhm,” Robin groans.
“Alright you wanna show mommy your pretty little cunt? Wanna let me hear how wet you are for me?”
She breathes out the softest yearning of a “yes.”
“Go ahead and point your knees out and spread ‘em for me so I can see your pretty pussy. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes mommy, I did it.”
“Good baby, now take one hand and trail it town your stomach to your mound ok? Now I want you to use your pointer and ring finger to softly go down your pussy lips and then once you get to the bottom, use those two to open up your lips for me, lemme hear how wet you are baby.”
And you actually do. A shuddering breath from Robin and the wettest, dirtiest of squelches to follow it.
“Fuck,” you drop the curse so quickly, grinding your own pussy on the leg tucked under you.
You hear Robin’s heavy breathing by the phone again, “did you hear?”
“Shit, yes baby I did. Did you put the phone by your pussy just so mommy could hear you touch your wet cunt?”
“Yes, isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yes it is,” you smile at how eager to please Robin is when she’s horny. “So good at following directions, I think you should be rewarded.”
“Please,” she begs through a moan.
“Yeah? Wanna be rewarded for being such an good obedient girl? For making mommy so wet she wants to touch herself with you?”
Dear god, if you weren’t at work you’d be riding your own hand while tell Robin to ride hers.
“I think you deserve a reward, do you wanna cum? Want me to let you touch yourself until you come for me?”
“Mommy, yes, please,” she huffs.
“Ok baby, I want you to play with your pussy until you cum. That same hand that’s still on your wet cunt, I want you to use your finger and get some of that sweet wetness and bring it up to your clit, ok? Play with your clit for me.”
“Ok, do you wanna hear me play?”
You bite your lip to hold back a moan, wishing to high heaven that these phones were cordless so you could hide in the bathroom and touch yourself to the eager lil baby on the other side of the line.
“I don’t need to hear your wet pussy, I want to hear those pretty little sounds you make when you play. Don’t hide those sounds from me okay?”
“O-Okay,” Robin huffs as she plays with her clit. “Fuck it feels so good mommy, you make me feel so good.”
“Yeah? Want mommy to touch you when she gets home? Use her fingers on you?”
A whimper is the only response you get.
“Or would it be better if mommy used her mouth?”
That comment makes Robin moan “please” into the receiver and has you wishing this was real life and not what’s supposed to be an anonymous phone sex call.
“Yeah? How fast would you want me to fuck you with my tongue? Use your fingers, show me how fast.”
A breath hitch and fast, shuddering breathing lets you know that she’s started fingering herself. You can hear the faint wet noises of her fingers moving in and out of her cunt in the background of the call and you squeeze your legs together at the sound.
“C’mon baby, ride your fingers like you’d ride my face. Let me have it, gimmie all your cum baby.”
“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum. Gonna cum,” she pants.
“Let go, cum for mommy.”
“‘m cumming, mmph. FUCK, YES Y/N fuck, oh fuck, fuck.”
Did you, did you hear that right? Robin came with your name on her lips?
There’s a small chuckle on the other end and then she says, “fuck, that was the first time I’ve cum in a while. Jesus, it was so hard too.”
You’re still processing that she was imagining you the whole time without knowing it was you.
“Are you still there? I wanted to say thanks before hanging up.”
You go back and forth with it but last minute decide to drop the voice filter to respond.
“Robin?”
The line is quiet.
“Y/N? Fuck, shit-“
And the line goes dead.
If she was ever going to talk to you again, she won’t now.
Shit.
#robin buckley x reader#robin buckley fanfic#robin buckley#robin buckley fic#robin buckley smut#robin buckley one shot#robin buckley oneshot#robin buckley x you#robin buckley drabble#robin buckley x fem!reader#stranger things fandom#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fanfic#stranger things#robin buckley fanfiction#robin buckley stranger things#stranger things smut fic#stranger things smut#robin buckley smut fic#robin buckley stranger things fanfic#robin buckley stranger things fic#robin buckley stranger things smut
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Gimme your hands
I’ve made this tweet, or some version of it, at least half a dozen times during conversation with others. If you aren’t familiar with the actual scene itself in a while, or haven’t seen Jaws (ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME? GO WATCH JAWS) you can find it on youtube as I did as the “gimme your hands” scene.
For those without time, Quint (played masterfully by Robert Shaw) is FINALLY being hired to go out and kill the shark that the mayor and town have been reluctant to actually acknowledge until now. However Hooper (played also wonderfully by Richard Dreyfuss) is a marine biologist or something and wants to come along too, and bring his fancy equipment.
Quint demands to feel Hooper’s hands, and the audience already knows Hooper not going to enjoy this. While squeezing squeezing the fuck out of Hooper’s hands to wound his masculinity, Quint claims Hooper’s fancy 2,000 nets and gadgets will be worth nothing against the shark they face. Then claiming his wealthy idle upbringing make him too weak to participate, leading to “You’ve got ‘city hands’ Mr. Hooper. Been countin’ money all your life..”
This is like mid-argument in the conversation, but the moment tells you EXACTLY the type of person Quint believes he is. Working man, man’s man, had to sweat and bleed in the mud for every dollar he’s made in his life. And Hooper is the soft little wimpy man from the city, the city man, bestowed with wealth, never done “an honest day’s work” in his life, weak and idle with all his fancy toys.
In the past century, we artists have been softer people. We’ve always been considered, and often felt, weaker in our trade. Not a “real job” kind of thing. Layabouts who don’t go out and actually “work”. For over the past century, we’ve been Hooper in this scene getting our hands crushed. I know I have.
But then, these techbros came along, with their AI generated art. I almost refuse to call it AI art, because that’s not what it is. It’s Mass Non-Consensual Online Image Combination Generated Media. MNCOICGM, rolls right off the tongue doesn’t it. But let’s humor them. Here they come with their new toys, their new gadgets, that allow them to do art purely by typing on a keyboard.
I’m not even gonna post examples of what they spurt out. The equivalent of using the Doordash app to order from 20 different restaurants, having a robotic arm put the contents into a blender for you, baking it, and declaring yourself a chef. And I know what you’re thinking, techbro “there’s SO MUCH MORE to the process than that!” and you’re correct! That IS a gross over-simplification of how much work is done FOR YOU while all you did was type.... a prompt
So now suddenly artists all over the world, even kindergartners with crayons have put in more work and effort than them. Suddenly we’re the one’s who’ve been putting in the hours, busting our backs, sweating in the mines, and have knowledge and skill sets (they could totally go learn too if you wanted btw) that make us seem like the grizzled workers who had to learn everything the hard way, over years of toil.
And someone has replaced us as Hooper. The rich boy with all his fancy toys and gadgets his dad bought him, who’s never worked a day in his life, and just sits around thinking he can use his new gadget to make things that look just as good as ours (by secretly feeding millions of our images into his gadget).
We never ever IMAGINED the day would come, but the artists of the world, of all mediums, finally have someone to say “Gimme your hands” to, and pettily emasculate by crushing their hands.
My main decree has always been: AI artists, it doesn’t matter how good the programs get, it doesn’t matter what results it produces, no matter how real or how “cool” you’re able to make it look. You typed a prompt, your machine used our shit to do it. I can now FINALLY embody the spirit of my coal-mining forefathers, and call you a pansy who’s never worked a day in his life, and I’ll keep doing it forever.
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Hello Friend,
I am begging you to hear me out on a fic idea I just have not the time nor talent to write for now. But I really want to one day so maybe if you’ll help me get some of it out? Or feel free to add to it! It goes like this:
Hella slow build, Hob has been searching for Dream since he missed their meeting 24 yrs ago. He has nothing more to go on that Johanna Constantine looking for a being of his stranger’s description. But one day he sees Death and she can no longer hide from him that Dream was captured. She fesses up and gives Hob a hint of who to look for: “The Magus shouldn’t have been strong enough, Hob. Someone else helped him so you should stay away from it.” Hob won’t listen to that and she knows it. Bada-bing bada-boom Hob fishbowl savior intro is done.
The big thing I cannot get out if my mind is the LONGING. That they become friend friends who BOTH talk, about former lovers and sons, who visit each other’s houses, who eat together and cry together, who watch movies and maybe cuddle slightly too closely. I’m talking about the longing of too many wistful stares, too many deep silences, too much hand holding and charged eye contact, and so many unsaid words but it mostly being, “I love you.” Then after 20+ years of friendship, after Hob has reinvented himself again they finally have it out.
It was a family dinner or some stressful event for either Hob or Dream where they get too tipsy and too honest. “Gods Dream, can I finally kiss you?” Dream runs to the Dreaming out of fear but Hob finds his way to the throne room. Dream can only stare at him as he ascends the stairs and by god, why is he so beautiful? Why is he so unobtainable? Hob is not hurt, not angry, he’s confused. This cat and mouse game is so like them yet when they should have started furiously making out on Hob’s couch, Dream had disappeared into the air.
“I don’t understand, Dream. Surely, you must know how much I feel for you. I haven’t been able to hide it since you that day you shot a ramen noodle out of your nose at my impression of Destiny.” Dream chuckles but he still doesn’t look up from where his hands clench at his robe, pulling the stars around him like a shield. Hob steps forward so that their feet almost touch and he gently cups Dream’s face. Dream sighs as he melts into that hand and he’s grateful Hob does not make him look up further because seeing his beautiful face would crush him. Hob continues as a thumb caresses along a pale cheekbone. “I worried for centuries that you didn’t feel the same but I see the way you look at me. I know the regard you have given me in spades is so rare that even Lucienne couldn’t believe it. And I know I can comfort you, that I can make you laugh and that I am not afraid of any aspect of you. I can love you like you have never been loved before. And I know that you know it. So can you tell me why you ran?”
Dream takes a long time to say what he’s been thinking because while he needs Hob to know he is afraid what Hob knowing it will mean. “I will not have a relationship with you, Hob.”
“Why not?”
“I have already stated my intent, why must you know the reasoning?”
“Because I know you aren’t thinking about this right so I want to know what your lovely brain is cooking up there in order to make this reasoning.”
Hob says it so plainly, so lightheartedly that it should make Dream angry if it wasn’t something he adored about the man. But he will feign angry anyway in a spiteful attempt to get Hob to back off even though it’s obvious to them both that he won’t. “I won’t explain myself to a mere mortal. I cannot be with you so end this folly.”
“I’m actually immortal and cannot die so… And you said can’t that time.”
It was a trap. Dream turns away with a huff, out of Hob’s intoxicatingly warm palm. He walks towards the stained glass windows hoping the distance will help settle him but considering it’s colorful swirling motif is a representation of Hob’s joyous laugh the irony almost makes him scoff. He is so fickle these days. His false anger turns to embarrassment and then that turns to agony. He wants nothing more than to sink into Hob’s arms but he cannot be so weak as to ruin him. He is in the heart of the Dreaming at the helm of his throne but deep inside he knows Hob has all the power here. How long had that been true?
“Dream? My love, what are you thinking?”
Hob’s kindness burns him. Immediately his proverbial heart slams into his throat, choking him and tears well in his starry eyes. If Hob won’t take his anger maybe he would take the truth. “I cannot care for you in this way, Hob. I would not see you scorned the way I have ruined all those who previously cared for me.”
“Dream. You would not ruin me. And even if you did I would thank you for it.”
Images of Hob’s imagining flood in. Him crying with a reminiscing smile. Them screaming at each other and slamming doors. Hob wearing a suit of armor about to fight Hell for Dream and asking only to kiss him upon the hand as a boon though he knows he will never return from battle. It’s too much so Dream folds further in on himself.
“Love, please. I can see you’re hurting. Let me help you, let me love you.”
His pleading hurts and Dream does something he has never done before. He turns to face Hob and suddenly drops to his knees in front of him. Hob immediately lunges to pick him up but before he can do so Dream lays his hands on the icy stone before Hob’s bare feet. He closes his eyes against the tears there and places his forehead between his upturned palms. “Please. Please, Hob Gadling. Grant me mercy from this torture.”
Hob’s stunned into silence at the king kneeling before him. “Dream…I…”
“I beg of you, Hob. I could not bear it if I hurt you the way I have hurt those who came before you in loving me. Even now, I cannot say the words for fear calamity would instantly strike you down. So please, I am begging you as all that I am. As Dream of the Endless, Oneiros, Morpheus, Ruler of Dreams, King of Nightmares, and the master of the Dreaming and its inhabitants, I beg you please, do not love me.”
Silence echoes in the hall and the only sounds that make it pass the roaring in Hob’s ears is Dream’s unspoken words. I love you.
*****
That’s all I got so far in this hour long sleep deprived rant session (sorry!) but all that really matters to me is the image of Dream kneeling. Him begging Hob not to love him because I have always thought Dream would never accept Hob’s love so easily out of fear for hurting him because of course he’s already in love. I just always like the idea of them knowing but not saying anything because longing and pining are what make love confessions feel so much like relief. And I just want Hob to be as patient in this matter as a man who waits decades for an unknown friend. But mostly, I just want to be in looooovvvvveee.
Sorry this got out if hand lol. I did not mean to drop all this on yah😅 Any thoughts?😅 I know this isn’t like your normal asks but I’m ace so the smuttiness doesn’t occur to me so naturally. But if I ever get to writing this (in 10 years lol) then I will defs have some crying throne sex for you😘
Have a great day!! Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts that bring me joy everyday!!❤️
-🧶 Anon
🧶 anon you have RUINED me. Dream begging Hob not to love him??? Hi I'm going to cry. Dream has hardly ever begged in the entire course of his existence!! He desperately wants to tell Hob that he loves him - he can't even say it! He'd rather beg and humiliate himself than risk hurting Hob.
And poor Hob 😢 what would you do if the love of your life BEGGED you not to love him?! Holy shit!!!!
Hngnng. Thank you for sharing this, I hope you have the opportunity to continue with it! I think it has amazing potential and you can make lots of us cry with this concept!!!
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People around my age thinking being 30+ is “old” or “cringe” is whacky to me because like… I for one actually can’t wait to be in my 30s.
My experience of being in my 20s hasn’t been the most pleasant. Due to circumstances out of my control, primarily brought on by the pandemic, I haven’t made it as far in life at my age as many of my peers. I finished college, had the odd temporary job or apprenticeship and then… that’s kind of been it. I haven’t been in work or education for the last almost 4 years and I feel like total shit for it. I also don’t really enjoy clubbing or getting drunk, and I find that many people I try to make friends or get into relationships with have no sense of commitment or permanence. Everyone my own age wants everything to go FAST FAST FAST and you’re looked down upon if you just want to relax and slow down for a minute. Your 20s are supposed to be for getting ahead and being a dumb youth after all!
People in their 30s and older, however (and I hope I don’t sound like I’m indirectly calling them old here lol) tend to be a bit more relaxed about these kinds of things. Chances are they’ve had some actual life experience that has made them more mature, and they’ve realised that there’s no need to rush anything. You’re going to (hopefully) live for 70 years or so; what’s the rush to get everything done right now? At 30 and older, maybe you’ve gone through a couple of jobs, experienced living alone, made and lost a few friends, had a relationship or two, maybe you’ve even gone back to school just because you can — and even if you haven’t, who fucking cares? Life isn’t a competition. Trying to rush anything is only going to guarantee that you have regrets.
As such, I don’t feel as much social pressure, if any at all, around people aged 30+. They don’t look down on me for not having made as much progress as I wanted to. All they tell me is “you’ll get there when you get there, there’s no rush or pressure to do anything” and that is honestly so much more freeing than hanging around people younger than me who have already had 3 jobs, 2 houses and a date for their wedding. I love having friends in their 30s and 40s. They make me feel safe and content with myself.
This isn’t me trying to be like “I’m not like other kids in their 20s… I hate anyone born after 1995 😎” I just mean that shitting on people older than you simply for being “old” is the REAL cringe lol seeing as they’ve been your age and likely know a thing or two about life better than you do. They could help guide you through your obstacles and instead you’re teasing them for idk, using the 😂 emoji or something. Not to mention the fact 30 is considered “old” now is highly concerning…
All I mean is, yes, you do owe other people the absolute most bare minimum kindness and respect and that does, in fact, include your elders. Stop calling people who are still pretty young “old” please
#long post#personal#rant#ramblings#ageism#generation gap#gen z#zoomers#millennials#life advice#cringe culture#text post
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AITA for moving out right before my disabled grandparents get surgeries? (TWs for transphobia, child abuse, child neglect, religious trauma, the whole works)
Alright so I (19 NB, turning 20 in January) am trying to find a place to move out of state because my grandparents (who I currently live with) and dad don’t treat me (or my 18 year old brother) the best. I don’t feel like I have a lot of freedom to do what I want, because my grandparents (76 M and 74 F) are constantly asking me to do things they can do just fine on their own and they threaten me if I don’t comply. I was also raised to never question authority which includes them, so they act like me questioning their authority or opinions is me getting into fights with them. My dad (46 M) just enables them, telling me to behave and listen to them like I’m still a kid.
In addition to all this, they’re all transphobic. As mentioned before, I’m non-binary. My dad and grandma aren’t as bad and seem to be complying with my grandpa’s views, but my grandpa is HORRIFIC. I tried to explain my identity to him once and he straight up told me he didn’t care and didn’t want an explanation.
Outside of this, my grandparents are also Mormon, which has led me to end up with some religious trauma. They blame every one of their views on their religion, and are constantly telling me I’m never gonna be happy if I don’t start going to church again (something I haven’t done since I was 13 or 14).
My dad also told me he hopes I like my “newer brother” and how he’s changed because my brother is currently training to be a medic in the US military, and just finished his basic training. Aside from this being extremely off putting to me, this isn’t the first time my dad has sorta acted like I’m his golden child.
It’s worth noting that with how I’ve been treated my entire life, I’ve picked up people pleasing tendencies and can’t even say no. If I don’t want to do something I procrastinate until someone else does it then lie and claim I was going to do it.
Now all of this might have you like “NO YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT THE ASSHOLE” but here’s where I’m questioning that.
Both of my grandparents are disabled. My grandma had a stroke back in 2010 that still affects her to this day and as a result of it her balance is messed up so she has a hard time doing things on her own. My grandpa is having a knee surgery to help alleviate his disability (although a lot of his behavior is absolutely 100% just laziness). It’s making me feel bad for even considering leaving, but I’m so sick of being treated how I am. I feel like I can’t learn to say no until I’m cut off from my family. I don’t even remember most of my childhood and have a dissociative disorder, and I’m pretty sure those are linked (not remembering most of my childhood and having a dissociative disorder).
But I just. I genuinely can’t shake the feeling that I’m an asshole for moving out right before my grandparents get surgeries. So. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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CREATIVES - HOW DO YOU NOT LOSE YOUR MINDS? I need help!
Fellow writers or creators of Tumblr - I have a problem. I have recently gotten into the Good Omens fandom, and it opened my brain to a level of creativity I haven’t experienced since I was a teenager (20 years ago). It started out great, but now it feels like an addiction. I’m writing again (good), but my brain won’t shut up about it (bad). I constantly have new ideas for my narratives and I’m really excited about that, but my brain will NOT shut up when I need it to.
For the past few weeks, this has gotten so intense I have had trouble falling - and staying - asleep. My mind drones on about “what if this happened because of the thing in chapter 3” and “I’ll have to change that event just a little to fit with the explanation for that thing in chapter 6” and so on. Even when I reach a “conclusion”, my brain just loops everything all over again. If I manage to fall asleep, I sleep lightly and wake up very easily - and then, my brain starts narrating again. I get between 4 and 5 hours of solid sleep each night, with some additional hours of in-between half-dreams if I’m lucky.
Here’s what I’ve tried doing about it
1: Quarantining myself from writing, creative pursuits or anything else related to my hyperfixation. (This works a little after a few days, but, like… I want to finish my story and I need to find a way to do that sustainably)
2: Upping my regular Seroquel (for sleep) dose from 25 mg to 50 mg each night. (It actually doesn’t stop the narrative-grind.)
3: Turning off all screens one hour before bedtime, earplugs, sleep masks. (No effect)
4: Finding a new show to watch. (Doesn’t work, brain relates everything to Good Omens or my fic or something I can use for something etc)
5: Meditation. (Can’t even go 5 seconds without THOUGHTS)
I’m so tired. Just want to sleep but can’t. I have autism and ADHD (diagnosed) and at first I thought my meds (30 mg Vyvanse every morning) might make this worse, but it’s not better when I have breaks from them. I’ve always been like this, I think, which is why I’ve avoided creative projects spanning over more than a few days. I often can’t sleep until it’s done. I think that’s what’s happening here too, on an immensely larger scale.
Anyone else like this? What did you do to fix it? Is there any way for you to be creative long-term without losing your mind? I’m seriously considering just giving up this project, which is such a shame - it brings me so much joy and it’s evolving into something far beyond Good Omens, I’m (perhaps foolishly) hoping that if I could do this sustainably, I could publish things eventually (I mean, 50 Shades of Grey started out as Twilight fan fiction, so…)
HOW DOES ONE WRITE WITHOUT LOSING ONE’S MIND? HELP!
#crowley#good omens fandom#aziraphale x crowley#crowley x aziraphale#good omens 2#ineffable husbands#ineffable spouses#innefable husbands#crowley edits#ineffable divorce#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writerslife#writer ramblings#writers and poets#writer things#ao3 writer#mental health#mentalheathawareness#audhd#actually audhd#audhd things#audhd problems#audhd artist#it’s the audhd#audhd creature#adult audhd#creative writing#creative inspiration#suffering
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20 Questions for Writers
Tagged by @lordoftherazzles and @i-did-not-mean-to (although compared to idnmt's 550+ fanfics this will look pretty sparse XD
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
14! One is a collection of a couple of short fics, the others are all stand-alones.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
204,153
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Tolkien, pretty exclusively. I don't know many other fandoms well enough to be comfortable writing in them for now
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Burn Like Cold Iron takes first place for everything as my only long fic. Then How to Cope with a Middle Earth Bed Shortage, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, Customer Service, and A Helping Hand.
5. Do you respond to comments?
Yes! There are a few here and there that slip through the cracks when I just don’t have enough spoons to reply, but I do my best!
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I write happy endings as a rule lol, so this is tough. The closest to angst might be Burn Like Cold Iron just because it will have some bittersweetness thrown in alongside the happy ending, but I definitely wouldn't call it an angsty ending.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Considering most of my fic endings are pretty equally happy, my favorite is The Floor Is Molasses, because I just want Boromir to be happy and hanging out in the Shire.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
A few times on FFN in the past. I’ve been lucky enough to avoid it almost entirely on AO3. Which is good bc it does not take much to make me cry 😂
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I have posted one (1) explicit fic and we shall NEVER SPEAK OF IT (I am easily embarrassed and it’s a miracle I posted it at all)
10. Do you write crossovers?
Nooooo, they've always intimidated me. Between all the canon characters and OCs I don't have room for anyone else!
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Oof I hope not
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
No, but I would be honored!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No, I haven’t done much more than brainstorm with fandom friends about plot points and stuff. But it sounds like fun and I hope I can cowrite something with one of my much more talented mutuals someday!!
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
I haven’t been super obsessed with a ship in years, so this is a tough question, especially since I’ve been focused on OC pairings lately. I’ve been pretty into Boromir/Theodred lately (but it’s such a tragic pairing and my poor heart can’t stand it), but hmm...my all-time favorite?? I'm a big fan of Nina and Matthias from Six of Crows, and Katniss and Peeta from the Hunger Games, and OOH Jaime and Brienne from Game of Thrones! There that's the one. All-time favorite. I did it. Phew.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I fully intend to finish my one ongoing WIP, Burn Like Cold Iron, and beyond that I really don’t want to start a fic I don’t think I’ll finish.
But I’ve written bits and pieces of a Middle Earth murder mystery I was really excited about, and I don’t have high hopes for actually fleshing that one out. I’ve never plotted out a murder mystery and would need to do some hardcore planning and plotting and scheming for it first and my brain is just not there right now XD
16. What are your writing strengths?
Aaahhh I am not good at complimenting myself (my therapist made me compliment myself last week and I almost cried lol) but I think I’ve gotten pretty good at writing engaging dialogue. I also am happy with a lot of my OCs, especially in my all-OC fic Something Burrowed, Something Blue, although I want to keep working at developing more complex characters in the future.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
My writing speed. I’m so slow. So so slow. Dear lord.
That and detailed plots and worldbuilding. Basically I need to brainstorm more before I start writing, and get a better sense for where things are going and how they'll turn out.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I could probably throw some Italian into a fic without much trouble lol. But Tolkien languages like sindarin honestly intimidate the hell out of me- I will jump through SO many hoops to avoid it. I am a coward
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Warrior cats. I was 12 and submitted it to my English teacher for extra credit. I had no shame 😂
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
It’s probably unfair to my other fics to say Burn Like Cold Iron since it’s so much longer than everything else I’ve written. So besides that one, probably What Could Possibly Go Wrong? I had fun exploring different characters’ points of view and sprinkling in lots of foreshadowing and dramatic irony for future plot points.
Tagging: @the-girl-with-the-algebra-book, @hobbitwrangler, @jaimehwatson, @frosticenow, @fishing4stars, @sotwk and anyone else who wants to play!
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Doctor Who: The Ultimate Speedrun Marathon - 1996 TV Movie
Ok, I was warned this one was basically locked behind endless streaming paywalls or was otherwise just lost media. I was a little discouraged, so I was ready to just crack on with Series 1, but then I found the whole damn thing on YouTube. Lucky!
youtube
General Thoughts
Paul McGann was a ton of fun as the 8th Doctor! He was obviously having a ton of fun in the role, which I’m sure he must have been a fan of. He’s since retuned to the role in cameo appearances and such years later, so his infectious love of the material is apparent. I’m not sure if he was aware that his tenure as the Doctor would be relatively short, but he really makes the most of it. I also love his look! It’s a fun missing link from the campier looks of the OG Doctors into the more modern/tactical looks of the modern Doctors. I also liked the detail that his clothes were basically just a Halloween costume he stole after he woke up from his regeneration. Really clever.
Speaking of his regeneration, it was fun to see Sylvester McCoy return for an extended cameo as the 7th Doctor. I haven’t seen his Seasons yet, but I was familiar with him from The Hobbit and Sense8, so I really just like him as an actor. He’s also evidently having a lot to fun here, despite only about 20 minutes of screen time. As a newer fan, I’d say this is a great introduction to the fun of the Doctor’s personality and purpose in the modern era, as well as carrying the torch from the OGs.
I was really surprised by the setting being 1999 San Francisco, considering this is a pretty famously Anglo-centric show. It must have been a fun breath of fresh air at the time for fans, but I also enjoyed it as a new fan. It had a fun ‘90s neo-noir vibe to it that ‘90s England or some fictional future realm maybe couldn’t have gotten cross just right. (Also, idk if this is canonically the Doctor’s first visit to America, but I just found it funny that as soon as he steps out of the TARDIS onto American soil for the first time, he gets shot.)
Moving onto the Doctor’s companion this time around, we’ve got Daphne Ashbrook as Dr. Grace Holloway. She’s smart and resourceful and overall just really cool. An underrated companion, in my opinion. Her introduction in this movie is probably one of my favorite things about the franchise so far! She’s first referred to in the story as “Amazing Grace” by a fellow surgeon, followed by her having to rush into the 7th Doctor’s surgery straight from an opera house, all while still wearing her gown. Iconic.
Her relationship with the Doctor and her chemistry with Paul McGann is a ton of fun. They’re (for the most part) intellectually matched, so it’s fun to see the Doctor have a literal Dr to bounce off of. I do wish she had accepted the supernatural sci-fi truth of it all a bit sooner, cuz her having to come to terms with that takes up a good chunk of the runtime, but once she’s in the thick of it, she’s able to carry her weight. Also, idk if this is correct so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but Grace and the 8th Doctor appear to be the only Doctor/companion pair that are romantic with one another. idk how this aspect is liked among the fans, but I personally didn’t mind it. They’re quite cute together, so you really root for them.
Now for the villain. I know nothing of the Master so far, aside from the obvious that he’s an evil Time Lord who can also regenerate, albeit not as successfully, since the conflict of the movie is the Master trying to steal the Doctor’s lives after he uses up his own. I thought he was cool enough, and as a horror fan, his wormy-possession form reminded me a lot of Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. I assume he’ll return as a big bad later on, but he’s a little one note here. He gets the job done, and Eric Roberts is obviously having a lot of fun chewing the evil scenery.
Favorite Moments
The Doctor’s little “these shoes fit perfectly!” was cute lol
Just one look at my blog will show anyone that I’m a massive Frankenstein fan, so the parallels drawn between the monster’s reanimation to the Doctor’s regeneration was super cool. Paul McGann also plays it really big! His “Who am I?!” dramatic moment after he comes back to life is classic monster-movie cool. Very Boris Karloff of him.
The one hospital orderly reacting to the 7th Doctor’s body disappearing by saying “You think he got up and went to a better HOSPITAL???” was so fucking funny oh my god
The look of the TARDIS’ interior appears to be carried over from how it looked for the 7th Doctor, but it fits the 8th Doctor so well. It’s like a gothic mansion, which just clicks so well with 8’s overall vibe.
The setting being at the direct turn of the millennium into Y2K was genius! It was sooo sooo cool I loved it
Paul McGann and Daphne Ashbrook are sexy as hell I need them so bad
Overall, Doctor Who 1996 is a fun and stylish entry! Highly recommend for those who haven’t seen it yet.
Now, that’s it for the 8th Doctor for the time being. Onto the modern era show, starting with Christopher Eccleston taking the reigns as #9.
#doctor who#doctor who: the ultimate speedrun marathon#doctor who 1996#doctor who tv movie#8th doctor#paul mcgann#Youtube
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Hi!! Would you ever write a one shot or sequel to give yourself a try? It’s a fantastic fic!
Also I love disorder too and would love something else from that universe 🤗
You’re such a talented writer and I enjoy your works, thank you so much!
Hello!! Thank you so much for your kind words. 🥹🖤
I honestly never thought of adding more to GYAT but I might if a specific idea came to me. There was one amazing spin off idea someone asked me if they could write and I said yes, so maybe we have that to look forward to in the future. (I know they’re busy writing something else rn though but fingers crossed they end up doing it bc it’s super cool.)
Disorder though I’d definitely intended to make more. My first idea was to make an AU where Peter stuck with Bucky as his trainer so I could make it WinterSpider. But I think that idea faded bc Disorder is so special, truly my fic baby, so I don’t think I could make it not Starker at this point, it feels kind of like cheating.🥺😩 I’d also considered versions where Peter was a girl so I could really project onto him, but idk. Maybe a snapshot of their future would be cute. Idk if id make it sad and have Peter slip up again, or make Tony slip up. Or if I’d make it happy and just have them exercising together 20 years later, and Peter’s whipping Tony’s ass bc he’s younger and fitter than ever. But that would also make it sad bc Tony would be getting old 😭😭😭😭😭 It’s so conflicting which is why I haven’t done anything lmao.
But if you have any ideas let me know!! If one sticks I’d totally be interested in writing a little something. 🖤🖤🖤
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From the Ashes Pt. 3.5
Pairing(s): Tywin Lannister x Joanna Lannister, Aerys Targaryen x Rhaella Targaryen, one sided Aerys Targaryen x Joanna Lannister
Warnings: just aerys being a fucking creep, Rhaella POV
Words: 1699
Summary: After first meeting her future daughter-in-law, Rhaella thinks back to her dear friend Joanna.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34
Book Two of Heir of Ash and Fire
Book One of Heir of Ash and Fire
She had always considered Rhaella her dear friend, even if she had been the queen’s lady-in-waiting, Joanna and Rhaella had been close. Close like sisters. When Rhaella was angered, so was Joanna. When the king had gone too far and hurt his already fragile queen, Joanna was wounded as well to see Rhaella in such a state.
So to be let go of being one of her personal ladies, Joanna was quite shocked. She had just told Rhaella of her engagement to her cousin Tywin, a man whom she had truly fallen in love with. Cold and hard to laugh Tywin. His actions spoke more than any of his words could. Joanna knew that Tywin reciprocated these feelings of adoration, he would speak softly of his love for her and it made her heart soar even more.
Rhaella should have been happy for the young, blushing, bride. Selna Dayne was surely excited for her companion. Her glittering violet eyes showed her genuine joy for Joanna.
The thin Queen of Westeros, however, appeared somewhat apprehensive at this news and gently told Joanna that she was letting her go as a lady-in-waiting.
“I. . . I don’t understand.” She looks to Selna for guidance, that this must be a mistake, but the Dornish beauty was equally confused. “Have I done something to displease you, Your Grace?”
“Of course not.” Rhaella holds Joanna’s hand reassuringly. Her face was so thin from her previous miscarriage that it stretched over her features painfully. Watery lavender eyes glance at the four year old Rhaegar who was playing with wooden figures on the floor. Joanna and Selna dotted on the young boy as he was breathtakingly beautiful and a joy to be around. “I just think it would be best if you were no longer in my service.”
“Forgive me, but you have to give her a reason.” Selna insists. Both of the young girls watched Rhaella like a hawk, eyes trying to delve deeper into her.
How could she say it out loud? To say it out loud would ruin sweet Joanna. A truth that was known to Tywin already. He had not said anything to his fiancee for a reason. But here they were, girls insisting upon an answer. They would accept nothing less.
Pursing her lips, Rhaella drops Joanna’s hand. “I fear for you if you were to stay here.”
Pale blonde brows furrow.
The thought of Aerys using the girl as he did her. . . That beautiful milky skin of her’s being tarnished by bruises and cuts was too much for Rhaella to even think about. She had to do what was best for Joanna. There had already been rumors of Aerys taken the maidenhead of Joanna during Jaehaerys’ coronation. That was bad enough. What if Aerys had it in his mind to go through with the rumor before Joanna was to marry Tywin? It scared Rhaella. She wanted Tywin to take her far away from King’s Landing.
“Aerys desires you in his bed. He’s wanted you for quite some time. I think. . . I think that the news of you wedding Tywin would be enough to make him go through with the deed. They haven’t gotten along for quite some time now.” Finally breaking, she told the girls of the secret she had tried to protect them from.
Selna’s face grew pale at the thought of Aerys, that wicked man, having his way with Joanna. Joanna did her best to conceal her trembling. Both had seen what going to bed with Aerys would do to a woman. The evidence was all over Rhaella.
It pained Joanna to leave her lady, but everyone in that room knew it for the best. With Aerys being the way that he was, Joanna wasn’t safe in King’s Landing.
So fragile Joanna looked at that moment, fragile and scared making Rhaella regret her decision for a moment before the blonde closes her eyes and nods.
“Very well. I will leave King’s Landing immediately.” Concern flickered in her green eyes when she gazes at Selna. Dark haired Selna with large eyes like gemstones. How on earth she possessed such beautiful lavender eyes without being related to a Targaryen, no one would know. The light contrast of her eyes to her tanned skin made her so much more alluring.
Her concern was easily read by Rhaella who had been concerned about the Dornish lady as well.
Selna suddenly grew rigid. Surely Aerys wouldn’t dare touch her for risk of disrupting his alliance with Dorne. The House of Dayne was a loyal and favorite house of the Martells who ruled the desert land. With their family sword Dawn, many members had brought fame in battle.
“She will be fine. Aerys has no interest in women who have already had children.” Rhaella assured her. Selna released a sigh of relief, thanking the gods for her three children. Reassured, Joanna finally manages to smile. She could leave without any regrets.
Standing up, she bows to her queen. “My lady, it has been the utmost honor to serve you.”
“It was my honor to have you in my service. Now go and live a happy life.”
*
Rhaella had wept rivers when the news of Joanna’s death reached her. One of Rhaella’s biggest regrets was not keeping in touch with her. She wanted Joanna to continue on with her happy life and forget about court. Intending for Joanna to never come back to King’s Landing, Rhaella had made herself distant. With Aerys descending into madness, there was no predicting what he would do to her. All to protect Joanna and her happiness.
She felt that sorrow again when she first met (y/n) Lannister, a sweet enough looking child who lacked her mother’s beauty. The smile is what brought the image of Joanna to Rhaella. A smile that warmed Rhaella to the bone.
“It’s my honor to meet you, Your Grace.” The little girl was quiet in the way she spoke, bending slightly in the knees for a curtsy. This was Rhaegar’s future wife.
“You look just like your mother.”
(y/n) stumbles forward a little bit, gawking at the queen. Her pale green eyes are wide in disbelief before a shy blush makes her gaze shoot down to the ground. “Oh. . . People say that about my sister. Not. . . me. . .”
Rhaella smiles at the shy girl. The poor girl must have never been complimented before. From what Rhaegar had told her about (y/n), she wasn’t the favorite among the Lannister siblings. Said that many favored Cersei more due to the fact that she had Joanna’s loveliness and grace. Many were quick to forget that Joanna’s pretty face wasn’t what made Joanna a dear to be around. Her smile and laugh was what truly made her soul shine.
“Trust me young one, I knew your mother very well. You look so much like her when you smile.” She winks at her, making (y/n)’s smile return. In truth, Rhaella had been worried when Rhaegar gave her the news that he had chosen a bride. And his bride was still but a child. That’s why she would live on Dragonstone until the age she was deemed ready to say her vows that tied her forever to Rhaegar.
This little girl would someday be the queen of all of the Seven Kingdoms. Joanna’s daughter. It seemed like there was no escaping the Targaryens. The female lions just appeared to be drawn back to the Red Keep and all the dangers it held within. From her meek mannerisms, Rhaella thought sadly to herself that this girl would not survive long in the game of thrones. Even the strongest of players were known to be brought down eventually.
“They look very similar to Jaehaerys and his little queen Alysanne.” Varys mentioned one day as he had traveled with Rhaella during one visit to meet the youngest Lannister daughter. Rhaegar and (y/n) were out in the courtyard, enjoying the small amount of sun that streamed in while Rhaella was sitting down in the patio with the Master of Whispers. Rhaella didn’t mind one bit when Varys asked if he could come along for this visit. He was a wonderful companion and Rhaella enjoyed the interesting conversations they shared. “Don’t you think so, Your Grace?”
Rhaella watches them as Rhaegar instructs (y/n) where to place her fingers on the harp. Patient as ever, Rhaegar speaks to her in a soft and gentle tone. One of her braids was still undone from where Viserys had pulled at it incessantly. Thalina, (y/n)’s personal hand-maid, had her back pressed up against a column; watching her charge with a pleasant smile.
Jaehaerys and his little queen Alysanne. . . They went behind their mother to wed one another because they were truly in love. Spending weeks there in Dragonstone, the two had found sanctuary where they could love one another freely and grow. Eventually though, they both found themselves returning to King’s Landing. After all, Jaehaerys was king and couldn’t stay long from his throne. The Queen Mother always saw such a dramatic change in Rhaegar when he was around (y/n). He smiled and laughed more. Back in the Red Keep, all joy was gone from her son as he was forced to watch his father fumble with such a large kingdom. (y/n) made him happy, made him warm.
“Yes, very much so. . .” She whispers in reply. Rhaegar’s Little Queen. The Mouse of Casterly Rock. She had done quite a bit of growing herself too. Since arriving to the island, (y/n) had learned to be more confident and grow a backbone. Of course she was still learning, undoing all the things that her family had pressed upon her. She spoke with the queen mother now without stuttering or looking shy as she had with their first meeting.
Plucking from (y/n)’s harp filled the courtyard with whimsy that Rhaella missed the brief exchange between Thalina and the eunuch.
(y/n) was becoming her own person. Perhaps. . . once she was older she would indeed have what it took to become a major player and win at the
#A Song of Ice and Fire#a song of ice and fire fanfiction#a song of ice and fire fanfic#A Song of Ice and Fire fandom#ASoIaF#asoiaf fandom#asoiaf fanfiction#asoiaf fanfic#asoiaf fic#game of thrones#game of thrones fanfiction#game of thrones fanfic#Game of Thrones fandom
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