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sxtvrns · 1 year

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to reunite and resolve

🎶 now playing: don’t grow up too fast - grentperez

P: Connor Murphy x Fem!Reader

S: You were the one of the only people he called a friend. He wanted to call you more than that.

W: mentions of drug use, smoking, anxiety, cursing, sexual content, spoilers, short

N: Basing this off of Mike Faist’s Connor Murphy, because his version of Connor the one I envisioned while writing this. Some information is taken from the book adaptation of the musical. In the book, Connor explains that he is some form of LGBTQ+, yet it is never specified; hints of this are being used in this fic. this is super short and kinda shit LMAO

please interact if you enjoy!

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When he first threw that printer in second grade, you were the first thing he saw out of the corner of his eye. Everyone… well, almost everyone, looked at him in horror, screams so loud they could be heard from down the hall, besides Jared Kleinman, who said that the whole facade was so cool.

Some kids ran, some kids took cover, but you stood there with your mouth hanging open, gaze switching between Mrs. G and Connor. And to think the only reason for this was because he didn’t get to be line leader that day.

He couldn’t tell what you thought of him after that. There wasn’t a single thought behind your face that could determine whether you thought he was cool or you thought he was insane. But he resorted to the worst— you thinking he was a crazy maniac who had a breakdown only because he didn’t get what he wanted that day.

But no, that wasn’t the case. He sat down under a tree during recess one day, and you just so happened to be lurking on the other side of it. You peeked out, looking at the book he was reading. “Is that The Little Prince?” You ask, startling him. “Yeah. Why?”

“It was a bit sad, but I liked it. Which part are you on?”

“The part where he dies.”

Awkward.

“I’ve read this book 5 times.”

“So it’s your favourite?” He shrugs. “One of them.” You sit down next to him, eyes skimming over the words on the page. “I don’t like Mrs. G very much. She always finds something wrong in my work and points it out to the class,” you start, staring at Mrs. G who’s talking to a teacher far across the playground. “I don’t think you should do it again, but I thought that was cool.”

“What was cool?”

“When you threw that printer. Was it heavy?” He shakes his head. “You’re strong! That’s even cooler!”

He shuts his book with a quiet thump. “Shouldn’t you be talking to Lily over there? Or… Jane?” You shrug. “I don’t really have a group of friends. I talk to them and we’re friendly with each other, but… they don’t like the things I like. I don’t know– it seems like on some days they don’t like me and then other days they do. Maybe I’m just scared of that.”

“You’re lucky the printer didn’t hit Mrs. G. You’re even luckier you didn’t get in big trouble. I think that you were angry and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” He’s surprised by how well you manage to read him. He didn’t even know how he felt himself. It was an overwhelming feeling of rage that any six year old would have when things didn’t go their way, just that he approached it in a way that no one would believe a six year old would be able to do.

“Do you wanna see the books I’m reading later? You can borrow them if you’d like.” Connor looks at you and that stupid hopeful expression on your face, reluctantly nodding. He wasn’t one to turn down a read. He’d gotten sick of the rose hunting prince anyways.

Most kids in your class would rather go for the toys and playmat while the library picked up dust. Connor watched you every time you went to the little library in your room to pick up a book, always leaning over to see what you were reading. You seemed like one of the only avid readers in your class, not dozing off or merely flipping pages for convenience during silent reading. You really took your time in absorbing what was on the pages; sometimes he witnessed you even shed a tear.

From there, the two of you became good friends. Every partner project, you two would pair up. Every gym class, you’d be on the same team. If anything involved pairs, it would always be the two of you together, to the point where people started joking that you two were dating. Of course, you always brushed it off, but Connor seemed to think otherwise.

At the time, he couldn’t put his finger on what exactly he felt about you. He felt safe, happy, content. He also felt compassionate, open, and endearing. But years later, only when he went to Hanover and was in his first relationship, dealing with a multitude of emotional troubles, was when he realized what those feelings were.

Connor’s head rested on Miguel’s chest as he exhaled a puff of smoke. “She read a lot, sometimes I went over to her place, she always stayed by my side even thought she was made fun of, we’d trade lunches–“ He’s cut off by the sound of his friend chuckling. “Wow, you must’ve really liked her.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, I don’t think I’ve heard any guy in our entire school talk about a girl… not sexually.”

“That’s because we were in elementary. I wasn’t perverted.”

“Still, you blabber about her with such purity. Like a girl you really did love, even if you only were in the seventh grade. She seems nice. If you ever find her again, you should introduce her to me.” In the words that Miguel put it in, he was finally able to understand why he got so much more nervous around you. Why he’d scold himself for doing something moronic in front of you, unless that something made you laugh; he’d let out an internal sigh of relief.

Why he tended to defend you if someone teased you. Why he’d freeze up when your arm would brush against his. Why he’d always overthink about what you thought of him, knowing that you’d never leave his side. Instead, he left yours. He could see the hurt in your eyes after he told you he was moving schools and it almost made him want to stay just for you.

But knowing his parents, they wouldn’t understand why he’d change his mind so last minute.

Sometimes he didn’t understand why you stayed by his side. He knew you were somewhat of a fragile person, but watched you desensitize to those comments over the years.

Connor feels guilty talking about an old undetermined crush with a boy he was on indefinite terms with, but Miguel didn’t seem to mind. “I guess I did like her.” He squeezes Miguel’s hand, suddenly overwhelmed with disappointment. “And now I’ll never be able to see her again.”

“Didn’t you say you went to her place for projects and stuff? Couldn’t you pay her a visit?”

“What if she moved?”

Miguel scoffs. “Highly doubt it. What comes here, stays here.”

The suggestion played on loop in Connor’s head every day, even contemplating actually paying a visit. Yet he never owned up to it, until he was expelled and moved to a new school. Again.

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You rest your head on the desk, ignoring the homework reminders being given to the class. You stare blankly at the teacher through your hair, another boy coming into view that you hadn’t seen before.

His hair was brown, curly, and nearly reached his shoulders. He had defining cheekbones and painted nails, dark clothes and a messenger bag. A new student. A new student that you couldn’t help but think looked familiar to you, until you heard his name.

Connor Murphy.

He sat down in front of you, putting his bag to the side and kicking it under his desk. You wanted to talk to him, but it seemed like he didn’t recognize you either. Was it really him? The Connor Murphy who you sat under trees with, reading books and arguing about your favourite characters? The Connor Murphy who barely passed 4th grade?

“Connor…” You mutter a bit too loud, his head turned to side eye you. “What?” He replies, almost aggressively, his stare dark and hardening. You couldn’t believe it was him. But really, how many other Connor Murphy’s could there be in suburban New York?

He begins to turn away until you begin speaking. “Do you still read The Little Prince?” This time, he fully turns to you, eyes wide and no longer dull. “How many times have you read it since I’ve talked to you under that tree?” You smile, and Connor swears his heart stops. Out of pure shock, not attraction.

“Y/N?” He asks, and you nod, his face lighting up with a small smile. “Holy shit…” He sighs, his reaction making you giggle.

You’ve changed. You stopped tying your hair up, you gained a pair of dark circles, and he could just feel maturity radiating from you somehow. At least, you were more mature than he was.

“Um, I don’t really have anyone to hang out with during lunch. Do you wanna catch up then?” You offer, his head tilting. “Why not now? Instead of working on that project of yours.” Your face drops. “There’s a project?” What project was he talking about? Was it– oh, it was the role model one. You finished it already.

“Lucky you don’t have to do it. If we present, we get extra credit. I’m not up for humiliation though.” He turns around fully, and your eyes are drawn to his hands, slim and a bit veiny. He adorned a bracelet and his nail polish was black. He played with his fingers almost nervously, his hands on your desk. “What have you been up to?”

“I picked up guitar. Um, I do some vocal stuff outside of school.”

“Like performances?”

You nod. “Different genres. Jazz, pop, R&B… I’m in a few groups.” He nods. “I didn’t know you could sing.”

“I never showed off when we were younger. I’ve been taking lessons for a while.”

“Maybe you could show me later. Y’know, outside of school.” He quips with a hoping smile. “Are you flirting with me, Murphy?” You ask, leaning forward slightly, his eyes moving from your chest back to your eyes. “Maybe.” You scoff, shoving away his face. “You’re a pervert now?” You laugh, but his smile slowly begins to disappear.

“Oh, I was joking, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that– I mean, no one’s perverted to their childhood best friend right?” You awkwardly laugh while he sighs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to look at you like that.”

“Like what?”

“Y/N, I was staring at your boobs.”

“Like a pervert?”

“For fuck’s sake, L/N, I am not a pervert.”

“Never said you were.”

You were provoking him. If it was another person doing the same thing, he’d have their head. Thrown something at them or given them a black eye. With you, it was all natural humour and jokes. He could brush it off without the need for bruising. The worst part was that you didn’t know you were aggravating him, with your cheeky smile and mischievous gaze.

Later that day, during lunch, you catch Connor off guard, leaning against a tree in the back of the school grounds where no one was, blowing out smoke. He tended to find solace in places where it was quiet and mostly alone. In high school, it was hard to find that kind of privacy, so you thought he’d be away and in the back where no one hung out, besides the drug dealers and porn magazine sellers.

“You smoke now?” You ask, him inhaling and letting out another puff. “I started a while ago. Keeps me sane.” He pulls it away from his mouth, contemplating. “I was gonna offer you some but, you sing now. I guess that comes in conflict.” How sweet of him to be so considerate. “Yeah. Wouldn’t wanna try it either way.”

You pause for a moment, watching him discard the joint. “How was Hanover?” You ask, a rush of memories overwhelming him all at once. “It was a fresh start. I liked it. I, um, made out with a dude? I don’t know, it was complicated.” You certainly didn’t expect that. “You had a boyfriend, then?”

“I dunno, we never specified on it. Complicated relationship.”

“How about girlfriends?” You hear him scoff. “You really think a guy that went to an all boys school would find a girlfriend?” You shrug, standing beside him. “I thought it was common for all boys and all girls schools to collaborate or host events together.”

“I don’t know if there were any collaborating events. I always skipped. Speaking of skipping, would you like to join me on a trip to Burger King instead of going to fifth and sixth?” You shouldn’t be surprised he’s skipping classes. He always joked about doing so in elementary, yet it never crossed your mind to contemplate if he was actually going to do so. “Unlike you, I actually care about my grades. You can come over if you’d like.”

“After years you still expect me to know the address?” He jokes. “I haven’t moved. I’ll text you.” You pull out your phone, opening your contacts app and letting him type in his number. He set his contact name as ‘C’, with a cigarette emoji next to it. “If you ever call me and that name pops up on my phone while I’m with my dad, he is going to kill me. Thinking I have a dealer or something.”

“Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me.”

You text him the address, not seeing him for the rest of the school day. He frequently skipped classes, except for the classes you two had together. He came over many times, your dad eventually meeting him when he wasn’t rushing out the door for work.

Only… one particular visit caused something to happen with reasons unknown.

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You open the window, lighting some scented candles you found in the closet. Connor looked at his joint, inspecting it carefully, instead tossing it somewhere in his bag rather than lighting it, laying face up on your bed with a sigh.

The first time he was in your room, the first thing he asked was:

“Why the fuck is there sheet music everywhere?”

Which surprised you at first, mostly because you didn’t think he’d know what it was in the first place. He’d always smoke, mostly out the window, and you’d drench your room in air freshener afterwards so your dad wouldn’t know.

Connor was a very touchy person, especially when he was high. Sometimes he’d rest his head on your shoulder, his breath smelling of weed. Or on your lap, where his hair sometimes got trapped between your thighs. A hand on your leg, or on your thigh. You didn’t think of it at first, because it was Connor.

Though he took touchy to an extreme one day.

“Have you kissed anyone yet? Y’know, while I haven’t seen you.” You look up at him from your paper, amused. “Why are you asking?” He shakes his head, turning over and looking at you. “Oh, no, just wondering. So is that a no?” You sigh with a silent laugh. “No, I haven’t kissed anyone, Connor.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“So you’re a virgin, then?”

“Connor, where is this coming from?”

“Do you know about the jocks constantly rambling about all the girls they have sex with?” He ignores your question with another question. “Yeah. It’s fucking annoying.” You scoff with a breathy laugh, taking a sip from your bottle. “You know they talk about you, right?”

You nearly spit out your water, saving the drops that fall from your mouth from falling onto your shorts. “Excuse me?” You say after swallowing. “Yeah. It’s all, ‘Bet 10 bucks I can bang her’ while they point at you. Or they go, ‘Jesus, wonder how much she can take’.”

“So I’m being objectified?” He nods slowly, looking up at you through his messy hair. “Unfortunately, yes. Want me to do something?”

“If it results in you getting suspended, no.”

“You sure? Those guys are dicks.”

“They’ll never believe us without any proof. And your reputation is bad enough already. I don’t want you to fall any more because of me.”

“Y/N, I’ll do anything for you.”

Those words make you pause and reflect. Was he high? No, because he tossed his joint in his bag anywhere. Even then, Connor would never say that for anyone. It seemed so out of character for him that you almost laughed.

“Are you high?”

“What?”

“I know damn well you wouldn’t do anything for anyone.”

“Y/N, I’m serious.” His gaze is stern, dark, and hard but also eager, glossy and hopeful. “I don’t know, maybe it is the weed I smoked twelve hours ago, but you’re really pretty. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to become friends with someone like you.”

“Someone like me?”

“Someone so pretty that doesn’t give a fuck about the fact I do drugs or the shit I’m dealing with. I really like you, Y/N. Always have. You didn’t single me out, you never left my side— you’re the one person in my fucked up life that makes me feel like I belong. That I matter.” Your childhood best friend, who’s now sitting up with a hand on your thigh, just confessed his undying love to you.

And you had to admit, the more you two started to hang out and reconnect, the more you started to develop something of an attraction to him. He never smiled at anyone but you, he didn’t push you away or glare at you; it was like he had a soft spot just for you, and it made you like him even more.

“I hope you aren’t gonna fuck me over. Y’know, if you don’t like me back.” His finger traces patterns on your thigh, the way his hand unknowingly rides up making your brain go haywire. “I’m… I, uh– I’m not.” He looks at you, for some reason, disappointed. “Should’ve known you didn’t. Forget this ever happened, then.”

“No, no! I like you! I really do like you, Connor. You’re charming and handsome and…” You hear him huff out a laugh, his face closing in on yours. “I know no one else thinks of me like that but you. You’re obsessed with me.”

“Could say the same for you, Murphy.”

His head tilts, his nose touching yours. “Wanna kiss you.” He mutters. You simply nod, inviting. “Okay.” You reply. He presses his lips to yours, feeling full and complete the moment you two meet. He can sense your confusion at first, but you managed to learn how to move with him quickly. Perks of being a fast learner.

He hovers on top of you on your bed, admiring you when he pulls away. His eyes shamelessly trail down from your face, to your chest, your stomach, your legs, his face cupped in your hands and pulling him towards you to kiss him again.

His tongue slipped into your mouth, the mood instantly erotic.

His hands are all over you. The back of your head, your shoulders, your waist, your hips, your thighs; he placed them wherever he could push you closer to him. When his mouth follows his hands to descend to your neck, you let out a soft whimper, panicking when you barely catch sight of the door.

“W-Wait.” You pant, nudging Connor for him to move to the side. You scramble off your bed, closing the window and the curtain and turning off the lights, going for the doorknob. “Thought you said your dad wasn’t home.” Connor says as you lock the door. “Never know when he will be.”

When you join him on the bed, his hands at the hem of your shirt, you stop him with a touch on his wrist. “Um, I don’t…”

“Oh, shit, did I go too far? I’m sorry–“

“No, no! I want it, I really do, but… you know...” He realized how nervous you were, remembering you haven’t done anything like this before. He gives you a gentle kiss on your forehead, tucking your hair behind your ear. “You know I have. You trust me?” He asks, giving you doe eyes you’ve never seen before. You nod, emitting a chuckle from him. “Let me take care of you then.”

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Sex was one thing. Having sex with your best friend is another.

It’s either your dad stayed at work all night or he’s in grave danger, given you haven’t heard him scream out of pure horror, then yell at you first thing in the morning. You woke up unbothered, naked, and held by your best friend. Unless this whole thing changed your relationship.

Were you even friends anymore? Was this a friends with benefits thing now? But he practically confessed to you yesterday, unless he was high. But he didn’t smoke anything, and the room doesn’t smell that bad…

One thing is for sure: Connor Murphy knows how to fuck.

Maybe it was the fact that you were a complete virgin or that you did whatever he asked you to, but you swear you could still feel how you felt last night when he was in you.

Your head rests on his arm, wrapping around you and holding you close to him. The ends of his hair touch your own head, and you blow them out of the way. You can feel him move, and he groans, meaning you woke him up. You lean into him more, feeling his fingers lightly brush your side. You feel his head turn, his hair moving from your head.

“Hi.” He says, peering down at you. You look up at him, noticing his gaze. “Hi.”

He plants a kiss on your forehead, his fingers moving to brush through your hair. “I think I passed out after.” You say, hearing him chuckle. “You did. When I came back to clean up, you were nearly snoring.”

“Oh god, I snore?”

“Loudly.”

He notices you going silent, immediately worried. “I was just joking! Well, kind of, you snore, but not loudly. Not like a dad snore.” You giggle into the side of his arm, followed by a brief moment of silence. “What are we now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think friends confess their undying love for each other and tie it off with sex.”

He pauses, hearing quiet hums come from his mouth. “Can I be your boyfriend, then?” He feels you nod against his arm while you hum in response. “Yeah.” You get out from under the covers, going to stand up until a brief pain shoots up your legs.

Memories of the night before suddenly come rushing in. “Fuck those jocks, I’m the only one who can see you like this.” He said, after making a mess of you with only his fingers.

He really fucked you good last night.

You curse under your breath, legs weak as you stare at the scattered clothes on the ground, tossing your own into the laundry basket by your door. You grab a new change, turning around and noticing Connor staring at you the whole time, an expression you can’t make out.

“I was that good? Your legs are shaking.” You roll your eyes and throw his shirt at him after putting on a pair of shorts. “Shut up. A real boyfriend would help me and not make fun of me.” He fake pouts, getting out of bed and putting on his own clothes.

You turn on the TV downstairs, the morning news playing and showing the date as Friday.

Friday.

Shit.

You’re beyond late.

“Turns out there was a gas leak so there’s no school. That works out great for us.” Connor says as if he could read your mind. You hear the garage door open, meaning your dad had just come home from work. He enters the room, seeing both of you standing by the kitchen counter.

“Shouldn’t you two be at school?” Is the first thing your dad says, eyeing both of you. “Cancelled. Gas leak.” You feel Connor’s hand rest at your hip, wanting to swat it away but knowing your dad already saw it just by the look on his face. “Did he use protection? I know you’re on those pills, but–“

“Oh my god, yes, he did, look– can we talk about this later?” Your dad shrugs and nods before heading for the stairs, hearing Connor laugh beside you. “How did he know?” You panic, placing toast on both your plates. “Maybe he saw your legs shaking from there.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

You glare at him, giving him a brief kiss before bringing both your plates to the table. He quite literally does as you say, keeping quiet the entire time he eats his breakfast.

You should do that more often.

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You knew that Connor was a very mischievous person. He always has been.

He’d skip classes, casually threaten people as if it were nothing, smoke weed; he nearly flushed firecrackers down a toilet once. He didn’t go through with it because you told him not to.

He was also mischievous in terms of your relationship.

He let you leave hickeys wherever you saw fit, in places visible and invisible. You were more wary of it. He showed them off proudly; well, not really proudly, he just didn’t mind if people saw or stared at him with hanging jaws. He couldn’t be bothered to cover them— the only time he did care was when his family would point them out.

He’d sneak out and go to your place frequently; he always preferred your house over his, mostly because he felt like he had a parent he could actually tolerate (and love). If your dad were to ever barge in, he’d stare at Connor, then at you, then at Connor’s bag, and ask if he had protection before leaving and closing the door. Connor always said yes.

It was also a convenient reminder for you to lock your door anytime Connor was in your room, since most of the time nights would always end in sex.

You fumbled for your keys to unlock the front door, Connor’s lips on yours when you stumbled inside. You didn’t notice a bunch of men in the living room, including your dad, holding beer bottles and staring at you until you saw them out of the corner of your eye. “Welcome back. How was the party?” Your dad asks, as if he didn’t see the escapade between you and your boyfriend.

“It was shhh– It sucked. Yeah. It sucked. Hi.” You mutter the last part, eyes quickly dashing over everyone who’s attention is taken away from the game on the TV. “Um, we’re just gonna… yeah.” You drag Connor with you out of their sight and upstairs.

“Does he have–“

“Yes!”

You slam your door shut, locking it, seeing Connor visibly nervous. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Was the party too much?”

“A little bit. And then… your dad’s friends just staring at us. I don’t know– anxiety? This is a stupid thing to be worried about.” You sit down next to him, hugging him while rubbing his back. “Don’t worry about them, okay? They’ve probably done the same when they were younger.”

You feel him sigh into your shoulder, his voice muffled.

“Thank you.”

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don’t grow up too fast. don’t leave me in the past. as long as you never change who you are, i know in your heart i’m never far. 🎧

#connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen musical #mike faist #fanfiction

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graziellathedancingqueen · 1 year

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connor murphy x reader part 2

requested by @fictionalincorrectquotes

summary: reader stands up for Connor in the cafeteria and defends him when the teacher is getting mad because of his phone in class.

word count: 1110 (part 1 and 2)

warnings: reader has anxiety?

pairing: Connor Murphy x reader

a/n: i hope you like it because i definitely like it!! If I made any mistakes please tell me <33

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

Oddly enough Connor showed up to the next lesson as well. And it was maths. Not one of his favorites. But honestly y/n didn't like maths either.

Yet there they were both sitting in math class next to each other doing the exercises they were given. Well one of them was doing the exercises. The other one was on his phone. It went unnoticed until the teacher walked around the classroom and saw him.

"Connor... we talked about phones in class."

"Yes, mrs G... I know but-"

"No but's. We talked about this."

"It's really-"

"It can't be that important"

"No seriously it's-"

"I asked him to search something on the internet for me. About maths. I didn't really understand what we're supposed to do. My phone broke down. I'm really sorry I will ask the next time. Thank you Connor, I think I understand now. That was really kind. I really thought I'd have to sit here for the rest of the hour and stare at that worksheet. Again... I'm really sorry Mrs G. It won't happen again." y/n decides to say something, earning surprised looks from everyone else in the room.

"Is that true?" Mrs G asks Connor who just quietly nods. "Well then that's a very nice thing of you to do" she says before she keeps walking around the room.

As y/n keeps doing the exercises in front of them Connor quickly passes a note with a simple "thank you :) you didn't have to do that." on it. "I did. Do you have someone to do the history presentation with?" y/n writes back. "History presentation??" is all y/n gets. "yk the one we got the thing for yesterday. we have to hold the presentation tomorrow. about our favorite book." they write back "i totally forgot that... we can do it together? you get anxious a lot. i can tell. me too. great team." He writes down and passes the note back to y/n as the bell rings and everyone starts packing their things.

"I'd love that. How did you know?" Y/n asks

"Hm? Know what?" Connor answers as short as possible while packing up.

"That I get anxious"

"Well you do the same things I do when I'm anxious."

"Oh."

"You know what? I'll write down my address. 4p.m. okay? Oh and my parents will think we're dating. But they'll love you. They love everyone that comes over. Believe me there's been no one for ages."

"Thanks. Yeah 4p.m. sounds great..." y/n says taking the piece of paper as Connor is leaving already.

What just happened?

School is finally over and y/n is on the way home as Zoe Murphy jogs up next to her. "Hey you. Heard you're coming over later! That's interesting news. Usually we don't have people over" she says and y/n isn't sure what to think of that. "Yeah it's for this history presentation about our favorite book... we decided to do it together." y/n says and smiles at the girl walking next to her. "See you later then?" Zoe asks before walking to the left where y/n has to go right. "Yeah I'll see you later"

#connor murphy x reader #connor murphy #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen x reader #mike faist #mike faist x reader

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lemon-boy-stan · 3 years

Text

love hearts - mike faist

GENRE: fluff. WARNINGS: none. SUMMARY: the reader eats love heart sweets when she’s nervous. PAIRING: mike faist x (fem!) reader. REQUESTED: no. TYPE: oneshot.

You weren't one for carnival rides. But seeing as Laura had forced you to come along with everyone else, you couldn't really back out of it.

“Hey,” Mike turned to you, “what's up?” you blinked, making him chuckle. “Nothing.”

Mike rolled his eyes. “You know, out of all the things this musical should've taught you you still lie right to my face about how you're feeling,”

You huffed and sighed, “I’m just -” he walked over to join you in front of the mirror, “I’m just scared of heights.”

That was definitely not the response that Mike had expected.

“Oh,” was what he could think to say, half surprised and relieved (for both of your sakes) that it was a light-hearted topic.

“Well,” he improvised, “you can hold my hand the whole way and do whatever you have to do on the rides and I promise I won’t get embarrassed, okay?”

“You never get embarrassed because of me,” now you were the one rolling your eyes and Mike gave a soft smile. “Thank you,” you added, “but I'm not worried about you. If Will or Laura pressures me into going on something -”

“Baby, you know that won't happen, and if it does, I can just tell them now -”

“No, don't,” you whined. Mike chuckled softly. “Okay.” He cocked his head before digging around in his pockets, “I got you these. I was gonna save them for the car but I know you like to suck on them when you're nervous so -”

Love Hearts.

Those fizzy, pastel-coloured circular sweets with the little messages and faces on them.

He was right. You did suck on them whenever you were nervous - which was a lot, seeing as you were diagnosed with social anxiety when you were a kid and didn't seem to grow out of it.

You gave him a grateful smile and he grinned again, unwrapping one of the tubes.

“This one says,” he turned it around in his palm, “‘Kiss me.’” he grinned a third time. “Some of these are so corny and just a little forceful,”

You nodded. “Ahh!,” he poked out his tongue and you rolled your eyes but stuck yours out too and he popped the sweet on it, curling your fingers around the rest of the stack.

You blushed even though he was already your boyfriend and had been for three years.

Mike pecked you on the cheek. “See? I told you they were forceful.”

MASTERLIST - requests for DEH are open

#mike faist #mike faist x reader #mike faist imagine #mike faist smut #mike faist x reader anxiety #mike faist x reader fluff #mike faist angst #deh imagine #mike faist oneshot #mike faist x you #mike faist x reader fluff imagine #mike faist x reader angst #connor murphy #connor murphy smut #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy x reader fluff #connor murphy x reader smut #connor murphy x reader anxiety #connor murphy x reader angst

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ring-anon · 6 years

Note

Do you think I could get some fluffy Connor Murphy stuff? Like; him taking care of himself after a depressive phase or anxiety attack, or even sensory overload?? (eeeeehhh)

At the first sign of things being off with you, he goes into full mama-bear mode. Before anything he’ll turn off anything that’s too noisy or any bright lights that might be bothering you. He’ll either crouch down close to you or be several feet away (depending on what you’re comfortable with). When he tells you to take deep breaths, his voice is at it’s softest. If you’re comfortable, he’ll give you his headphones and play something like Sinatra or classical music to help you relax. Once he’s 100% certain you’re okay, he hugs you close to him and whispers “I love you so much Y/N, don’t ever forget that. You don’t ever have to go through this alone.”

#Connor Murphy x reader #dear evan hansen #anxiety #fluff #ask ring #sensory overload #musicals #deh x reader #writing #x reader

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coltonthelizard · 6 years

Text

not to be a Nerd but i think part of the reason there’s such a Culture in the reader insert fanfic from shows like dear evan hansen and be more chill is because so many of the people who like those shows have mental illnesses or are bullied or feel invisible?? and when we can relate and see ourselves represented like that we imagine those characters protecting us from our own problems because they understand. like it’s so comforting to have this imaginary friend/significant other who you can rely on to always do what you need them to. the thought of these characters who just completely understand the way you’re feeling and can whisk you out of it and make you feel safe is so calming. i hope everyone has that character who they feel protects them cause that’s uhhh really beautiful

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watch-the-whole-world-disap-blog · 7 years

Text

Poems (Connor Murphy x Reader)

A/N: Me??? Self projecting myself in a story because I have issues?? It’s more likely than you’d think. I’ll take this down later if it’s really bad and it’s really short but why not just upload it for now. Also, yeah, the poems in the story are all written by me.

Warning: Triggering for self harm, anxiety, and depression; cussing

Connor was over at your house for a study and movie date after school on a Friday and everything was going amazing. You had been working on homework and joking about teachers and cuddling just a little during breaks. Unfortunately for you though, that was about to end.

You had told Connor you were gonna go grab some snacks and insisted that he could finish working on the assignment he was doing instead of coming with you to the kitchen. Of course you would have no clue that instead of working, Connor would spend his time alone in your room pulling through all of your desk drawers without telling you. Sure, he was just looking for a pencil sharpener, but he found way more.

Because Connor had opened a drawer and moved some papers aside to find a small blue notebook titled “Poems” hidden at the bottom. Looking back you realized you probably shouldn’t have called it that, but how would you have known that anyone was going to look in that drawer?

Out of curiosity of course Connor opened the notebook, and inside he found pages and pages of your beautiful little handwriting lining the pages.

So Connor, of course not thinking it would be a big deal if he read one, decided to do just that.

You see the thing was though, you put your deepest and darkest thoughts inside these poems. You poured your heart, your soul, all your pain and sadness, and sometimes even your joy, into the notebook.

Plus, you had never mentioned any of this stuff to Connor before.

The first poem he opened up to was one of the ones in the back, so he assumed it was recent.

I am not beautiful

Beauty is not acne It is not fat It is not baggy eyes It is not knotted hair It is not split ends It is not dim eyes It is not a plain face

Beauty is not hurting It is not constant pain It is not emptiness It is not false smiles It is not fake laughter It is not hiding It is not a mask

Beauty is not broken It is not sleepless nights It is not crying in the shower It is not bleeding thighs It is not hips covered in scars It is not sobbing It is not breakdowns It is not hopeless minds It is not crushed hearts It is not helpless souls

Beauty is not me

Immediately Connor closed the book, his heart racing. He couldn’t process what he’d just read, even as the tears started coming out of his eyes. He had no idea you felt like this, how could he not know you felt like this?

He casually opened the book again to another recent page to find a new poem staring back up at him. Your handwriting told him that this new one was called Falling.

I've been falling Falling fast Falling hard Down a dark hole A deep pit For longer than I can remember I thought I was alone I thought I'd fall forever I thought I would die before I landed But I was wrong Because it turns out I was falling For you

Before Connor could even take in the words and start to process it, he heard your voice gasp from above him.

“What the fuck are you doing Connor?” You seemed mad. No not mad, more like scared. That made Connor even more nervous.

“I just found it and...” his voice broke off before he took a deep breath and lifted his tear filled eyes to your own. “Did you write these?”

There was no hiding it anymore. You nodded shortly, feeling your face heat up. He was going to know you were broken, he was going to think so little of you, he’d probably break up with you. Oh god you should have hidden that book better.

But Connor didn’t do any of those things. Instead he got up from the chair he was sitting on, dropping the book, and wrapped you up in a giant hug.

“I’m so sorry you feel like this. You’re amazing. I love you so much, okay?”

“You’re not mad?” You asked hesitantly, a little confused.

“Never. Sad you didn’t tell me yes, but not mad.” He lifted your notebook again and flipped to the last poem he read. “Let me catch you?” He asked.

You gave him a small smile and wiped your eyes as you nodded. “Thank you.”

He just hugged you again, and suddenly the world felt a little bit better.

#connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #deh #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen imagine #x reader #imagines #imagine #fics #fic #fanfic #connor #trigger warning #anxiety #suicide #self harm

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n1ghtlux · 3 years

Text

Stuck in between P1 [ao3]

Pairing: ghost!Connor Murphy x gn!ghost!Reader

Word count: 815

Summary: when you find yourself stuck in the afterlife you meet Connor Murphy, who's been here for longer than you have.

Warnings: some angst, reader has anxiety and other mental health issues, talking about weed and mentioning readers death briefly.

A/N: please do NOT romanticize death! You're needed and loved. If you need help, look at this post.

gif

To think you would be remembered as some "druggie who crashed their car" was beyond anything you could've imagined. Though it was incredibly thoughtless of you to drive back home after smoking weed with your friends.

Not that you would ever call yourself a "druggie". You knew what you were doing and the substance helped calm your anxiety and numbed you to the point of complete relaxation.

Only this time there was no way of getting home and no way of you crashing at your ex's place either. Not when he had female company and did the:

"I think we should call it a day",

with his hand gripping a girls' thigh tightly.

You had to get home somehow, so you got into your car and drove.

Only you never made it home.

Lesson learned.

For another time.

The "afterlife" or whatever you were stuck in was confusing. There is simply too much time to spend when you're there, but not really.

Thinking was about all you could do now.

Maybe this was your own little hell. You had spent days running after people, screaming at family, friends, anyone really. Yet, despite intense emotions following up with crashed mirrors and broken plates, your presence wasn't known to anyone.

You tried blaming the tree which you crashed into for it, but ended up leaning against it and watched the world continue on without you.

"This is my tree."

Furrowing your brows you looked to your right. The habit of thinking people are talking to you getting the best of you. Except this time there was someone staring right back at you.

Not through you, no. This guy was glaring at you, hands in his sweatshirt jacket pockets and foot tapping the grass impatiently.

You were up on your feet in an instant.

"You're dead too, aren't you?!"

You hadn't talked in forever so your voice made a terrible crack at the end, causing you to crunch your nose at yourself.

"You're sitting at my tree."

His demeanor didn't change, if your people skills didn't betray you, you would even say you had made him more frustrated. Who did he think he is?- Was?

Crossing your arms you replied in a mocking tone:

"Well, I'm sorry mr. Perfect but I died here, so I'm pretty sure this is my tree too."

He scoffed at that, a soft "fuck" leaving his lips as he brushed through his shoulder length hair with his right hand.

You started picking at the skin around your nails, a habit you hadn't even gotten rid of after your death.

The guy's gaze flickered to your hands briefly, before he sighed and walked up to you.

"Connor", his voice sounded less harsh than before. Right hand extended for you to shake.

It had been weeks since you last had any human contact and now here was - you had already forgotten his name again - willing to get to know you.

But when you went to shake his hand, you found yourself grasping at nothing but cold air.

"Guess you're new huh."

It was more of a statement than a question directed at you but you didn't really register his words.

You were staring at your hand, turning it over and tracing a wound from the accident with the fingers of your left hand.

Then you curled it into a fist, nails digging into the lifeless skin and sat back down with your back against the tree.

If it was possible, you felt even more numb and dead than before.

A cold breeze made the hairs on your arms stand as Connor sat down to your right with his hands in his lap and staring up at the sky.

"You're only able to touch others if you concentrate well enough."

You were still picking at your skin when he turned to you and put his hand on your arm.

The sensation made you suck in a breath and you looked up at him, relief evident on your face. His hand felt different on your skin than you had thought it to. There was a slight tingling sensation, like he was a vibrating ball of energy. Connor didn't feel dead at all. He felt more alive than anyone you had ever met before.

The corner of his mouth tugged up lightly at the sensation and your reaction to it. At least he was able to be helpful after his death.

He removed his hand from your arm and held it infront of you again like he did before. Knowing what he wanted you to do, you carefully slipped your hand into his now.

A huge grin forming on your face when you felt a new surge of energy course through your hand as it was firmly placed in his.

"Connor." , he nodded lightly, pushing a strand of hair out of his face in the process.

"Y/n."

{ masterlist }

#connor murphy x reader #connor murphy #deh musical #deh movie #dear evan hansen #connor Murphy imagine #ghost connor Murphy #ghost reader #connor Murphy fanfic #broadway fanfiction #Broadway imagine #Connor Murphy x gn!reader #Connor Murphy x male reader #Connor Murphy x female reader

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theteasetwrites · 3 years

Text

Thy Saints Surrounded

Chapter 3: Murphy's Law

❧ Pairing: Murphy MacManus x Reader ❧ Pronouns: she/her ❧ Warnings: swearing, references to mafia, offensive language (relating to Irish & Italian ethnicity) ❧ Word Count: 4.6k

❧ In This Chapter: Murphy takes you out, and Tony pays an unwelcome visit.

❧ A/N: Time to learn a tad bit about Murphy and the MacManus boys. Since there really isn't much to their background, I did have to make a bit up so yeah... honestly, don't care though. These boys are mine to do with what I want mwahaha! Also, the plot thickens with the Tony arc, and that's how the boys get the attention of the mafia (well, shit). Oh, and Murphy stands up for you like the sweet little angry muffin that he is.

Connor came into the apartment with a bag of booze in his hands, and thank God the sight before him didn’t make him almost drop the thing on the concrete floor.

“What the fuck are ya doin’?” he asked his brother, who was tearing through the entire apartment looking for something decent to wear to his… dinner with you.

The place was a mess already, but any semblance of organization in the one-room apartment was completely thrown out the window after he landed a date with you.

Murphy was leaning over a giant pile of clothing, both belonging to himself and his brother. He looked up, and he must’ve really looked a sight. He was wearing only his boxers and a pair of boots, and his face was contorted in anxiety and panic.

“What does it look like I’m doin’?” he replied. “I’m goin’ crazy. I fucked up, man. I fucked up.”

Connor turned serious and quickly set down his grocery bag on the cluttered dining table. He walked over to Murphy and grabbed him by the shoulders, looking him directly in the eye. “Hey, what happened?” he asked.

Murphy gulped, then brought his hand up to his forehead and rubbed it furiously. “Shit, Connor, I asked her out.”

Connor’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I—I fuckin’ panicked. We were talkin’... she was about to leave and I just kinda… asked her out. Tonight.”

Connor shook his head in disbelief. “And you’re upset about that?”

Murphy nodded, then turned around and proceeded to rummage through the pile of wrinkly clothes he shared with his brother.

“Murph,” Connor said, “this is a good thing. You asked her out, and she said yes. What’s the matter with ya? I thought you loved this girl.”

“I do,” Murphy said, standing up and beginning to put on a pair of jeans. “I mean, I might. I don’t know. I told her we’d go out as friends. I’m worried she’s gonna think I just wanna be friends.”

Connor threw his head back. “Jesus Christ. It doesn’t fuckin’ matter! Go out with the girl, tell ‘er how ya feel. It’s not that hard.”

Murphy ran his fingers through his short, dark hair. “I don’t wanna fuck this up, Con. I’m not like you. I’m no good at talking to girls.”

“They’re just people, Murph. Talk to her like you talk to me.”

Knowing how Murphy talked to his brother, he did not take Connor’s advice. Instead, he just said whatever came naturally. Soon, it came time to head out and meet you at Giuseppe's.

To the surprise of both of you, the restaurant was closed, and so the two of you picked up Chinese takeout and had a picnic of sorts on a bench in Franklin Park, just after the sun went down. Luckily, it was well-lit, and you felt quite safe around Murphy.

“Sorry about Giuseppe’s,” you said after chewing some chow mein. “Kinda the same thing, though… chow mein. It’s noodles, which is kinda like pasta, right?”

Murphy laughed. “Yeah, I guess.”

There was an awkward silence between the two of you for a while. You weren’t entirely sure what to say to him, since you didn’t know him well at all. You weren’t even entirely sure why you decided to hang out with him in the first place. You supposed you thought it would be good to make a new friend, but you were still confused by the idea that he wanted to spend time with you.

“So,” you began, “what part of Ireland are you from?”

He finished chewing his bite of a dumpling. “Limerick,” he said. “Lived there up until about a year or so ago.”

You nodded. “Why’d you come to the States?”

He shrugged. “What do you call it? A quarter-life crisis? Me and Connor… we got bored. Ireland’s real small, you know. Not much going on.”

“Do you like it here?”

“It’s all right,” he said. “Beats working on a sheep farm.”

Your eyes widened. “You worked on a sheep farm? In Ireland?”

He was dumbfounded by your enthusiasm. “Uh, yeah.” If he knew it was this easy to impress you, he would’ve opened with that. “Sheared ‘em for wool. Our ma knits these fancy sweaters.”

“Wow, that’s so cool. I love sheep, and sweaters… it sounded like you were living the dream.”

He scoffed. “Well, I guess.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, then looked up at you and panicked when he remembered that a lot of Americans didn’t smoke. “Um, it all right if I have a smoke?”

You nodded. “It’s fine.”

In truth, you were trying not to lunge at him and take out one of those vile cancer sticks for yourself. You’d successfully beaten the habit from your freshman year of college, but the temptation still lingered.

He lit the cigarette, and soon your senses were flooded with every possible aspect of the act—the smell, the taste, the warmth of the fire by your face.

“You want one?” he asked.

Your eyes widened, and you quickly began shaking your head, despite your inner desire to take a long puff. “No, thanks. I just quit.”

Murphy nodded, a little surprised that a girl like you smoked. “Aye, I’ve got to quit myself. Been doing it so long, though… since I was twelve.”

You looked at him stunned. “Twelve? Jesus, Murphy, how are you still breathing?”

He laughed. “Irish, I tell ya. We’re just built different.”

You snorted. “Well, Irish or not, be careful with those things. I went through a smoking phase. All the radio DJ’s were doing it back in college, and I was trying to get in with them. It got so bad I couldn’t go an hour without a cigarette break. The stress from school didn’t help, either”

He nodded. “Yeah, ain’t that bad myself. Maybe… five or six a day.”

“That’s bad, Murphy.”

He threw his hands up in defense. “Didn’t say it wasn’t bad, just not that bad.”

You laughed. “Okay, okay.”

The night fell quickly, and soon there was nothing left in any of the Chinese takeaway boxes.

It was a chilly autumn night, but you were both clad in knit sweaters and coats, so it wasn’t too bad. Plus, Murphy seemed to radiate heat.

As you walked together through the streets of South Boston, back towards your apartment, you felt safe once again. So safe, in fact, that you didn’t mind Murphy seeing where you lived. Perhaps that was a bad idea, but you instinctually trusted him.

“That was nice,” you said to him as he walked you up the steps to your apartment. “Thanks for… hanging out with me.”

Murphy nodded shyly. “Don’t mention it. I, um… like talking to you, and stuff.”

You smiled. “I like talking to you, too. A lot of guys are kind of hard to talk to, I think... it’s easy talking to you, though.”

It was a nice night. You liked Murphy, he was the first guy you’d met in a long time who didn’t either have no idea how to communicate or wasn’t just trying to get in your pants. You thought he could really turn out to be a friend. You even exchanged numbers, which was nice since you didn’t have many people from Boston in your phone book.

The next day, like clockwork, the MacManus brothers walked into the coffee shop at their usual time.

“Hey, guys,” you said to them. “The usual?”

“Aye, lass,” replied Murphy. You watched as the two young men took off their sunglasses at the same time.

It must be a twin thing, you thought.

Things were going relatively smoothly, until another familiar face came through the door about five minutes later.

You were turned away and pouring the next customer’s drink, until you turned around towards the counter and saw Tony giving you that obnoxious smile.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he said.

You gave him a fake smile before handing the customer their coffee. “Hi, Tony.”

Murphy watched the interaction from his table with Connor. He leaned in with narrowed eyes, not taking his sights off the man.

“Why’s he talking to her?” he asked.

He didn’t know why he asked Connor. It wasn’t like he would know. However, Connor was better at reading people, especially men when they were flirting with a woman.

Connor turned his head as he sipped his latte. He shrugged. “Looks like you got some competition, my dear brother.”

Murphy let out a subdued growl. He had his sights on you for so long that he grew protective of you, even though you hadn’t really been aware of his existence for that long.

“You think they’re together?” he asked Connor.

“Nah,” he said. “She’s giving him the cold shoulder. He’s definitely flirting, though.”

Damn how good Connor was at reading situations. He was totally right.

“Hey, listen,” Tony said, leaning on the counter and getting a little too close to you for your (and Murphy’s) liking, “my uncle’s got this banquet thing… I don’t know, it’s with his colleagues or whatever. I was wondering if you wanted to go? As my date?”

Your eyes widened. “Um… date?”

He nodded, and laughed a little. “Well, yeah. Why’d ya think I’ve been drivin’ ya around the past two months? Wasn’t just tryin’ to make small talk.”

Connor turned to his brother with a serious look. “That man’s a Yakavetta.”

Murphy furrowed his brow and gave his brother a light punch on the shoulder. “No, he’s not. (Y/N) wouldn’t have anything to do with that bullshit.”

Connor shook his head. “I’m tellin’ ya, he’s got that tattoo on his wrist.”

Murphy narrowed his eyes and focused on the man’s wrist as he flung it around and spoke to you with enthusiasm.

He couldn’t make out anything he was saying from the distance he was at, but he did see the tattoo. The stylized family crest, clear as day. Neither of the brothers had anything whatsoever to do with any organized crime in Boston, but they had a friend who was involved with the Italian mafia, Rocko was his name, and he had informed them about the tell-tale sign of the Yakavetta clan.

“Shit,” Murphy muttered under his breath.

“So, what d’ya say? It’s kinda formal but I can get ya something to wear. Doll ya up a bit.”

You were still dumbfounded. How could he ask you to attend a mafia family function? You didn’t know much about the mafia, only what you’d seen in movies like The Godfather and Goodfellas, but you knew you preferred just watching it on the big screen than having to actually live it.

“Um… I—I don’t know. I don’t think I can make it.”

Murphy stood up and came forward, with Connor following him. He was eager to hear the conversation as you looked visibly uncomfortable around the guy.

“Ah, come on,” he replied, with the MacManus brothers now within earshot. “We don’t have to stay long. We can go back to my place after, hang out. Or yours. ‘Sides, you kinda owe me.”

You furrowed your brow. “Excuse me?”

He laughed, trying to play off the incredibly toxic thing he just said. If his way of flirting was being offensive and rude, it wasn’t working. “I mean, I help you at the station, drive you back and forth, starting to think you’re taking advantage of my kindness, sweetheart.”

“I don’t think I want to talk about this here,” you said quietly, lowering your eyes and looking at him sternly. “I think you better leave, or order something to-go, and then leave.”

Suddenly, there were two men in your immediate field of vision: Tony and Murphy. Connor had tried to pull him away, but he brushed off the efforts of his more level-headed brother.

He tapped on Tony’s shoulder, which surprised even Tony when he turned around.

“Hey,” Tony said, “do I know you?”

Murphy shrugged. “No,” he replied, not really sure how he was going to get out of this one. “I know (Y/N), though, and she said she wants you to leave.”

You swallowed hard. You hoped Murphy and Connor wouldn’t get involved. You knew they could be troublemakers. At least, from the time Murphy casually mentioned getting a bar fight at McGinty’s after you inquired about his black eye.

Tony turned his body completely to face Murphy. He laughed in his face. “Why don’t you back off, man? This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

Murphy narrowed his eyes at that. “It does, actually,” he said, “‘cause (Y/N)’s my friend, and you’re not being very friendly by bothering her like this. Especially when she’s working.”

You cleared your throat. “Murphy, it’s fine. I can handle this.”

“Murphy, huh?” Tony asked. “I’ll remember you… you dumb mick.”

Your eyes widened at the insult, and Murphy lost it at that. “What did you call me?” he asked, puffing his chest up and knitting his brows in anger.

Tony stepped closer to Murphy till they were almost nose to nose. “A dumb mick, ‘cause that’s exactly what you are. Why don’t ya go eat some potatoes or somethin’. You’re stinkin’ up the place.”

The air was tense between the two men, who continued to stare each other down. You weren’t entirely sure what to do when it almost seemed like Murphy was going to hit Tony, but luckily Connor stepped between the two of them.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said with his hands up and an awkward smile upon his face. “Look, my brother just doesn’t want you givin’ the lass a hard time. She’s overworked as it is.”

You nearly scoffed at that. Tony could take one look around at the practically empty coffee shop and see that you were, in fact, not busy.

Just then, Shannon came out from the kitchen. Perfect timing, you thought sarcastically. Connor was already diffusing the situation.

Tony scoffed. “Your brother needs to mind his own business.”

Murphy nearly lunged at him from behind his brother, who was holding his arm in front of him. “It is my business. Told ya, she’s my friend, and you’re bothering her. She clearly doesn’t want anything to do with ya, so why don’t ya get the fuck outta here.”

“Hey,” Shannon said, “what the hell’s going on out here?”

Connor turned and grabbed Murphy by the shoulders to begin pulling him away. “Nothin’,” he replied to Shannon with a smile. “We were just leaving. All of us.” He looked at Tony seriously. “Too much testosterone in here.”

Shannon folded her arms and laughed. “You’re telling me.”

“Bye, Tony,” you said sternly.

He scoffed, then slowly turned around with a scowl directed at the two brothers. Connor had his arm wrapped around Murphy’s shoulders as he gave the man an obnoxious smile, and Murphy just glared right back, breathing heavily.

The boys were going to leave, too, but not before seeing the potentially dangerous man out of the building.

They watched him leave, and soon the tension in the room died down, and the few customers turned back to their newspapers and coffees when they knew there wasn’t going to be a fight. At least, not in the little café.

You blew out a relieved huff. “Um, thanks. I guess… I could’ve handled that, though.”

Murphy shook his head. “You’re kidding, right? That guy’s a Yakavetta. He coulda pulled a gun on ya or somethin’.”

“Or put a hit on ya. He’s definitely got a hit on us, now.” Connor glared at his brother.

“He’s harmless,” you said. “He just talks a lot. You didn’t have to make a big scene.”

The truth was, you were terribly embarrassed by the ordeal. Though there were only a few other people in the room, just being witness to two men arguing over you was putting way too much attention on you.

Shannon nudged you, trying to indicate that you should shut up before you made Murphy lose interest in you. To her, it was sweet that he was sticking up for you, but you didn’t even think Murphy would give you the time of day, so it seemed more like he was just performing a misguided deed of friendship.

“Bullshit,” Murphy responded. “Those guys are bad news. He coulda—”

Connor stopped him before he went on and on about what the man could’ve done. “We’ll just be going now, lass. Thanks again for the coffee.”

He had to nearly drag his brother out of the shop.

“What the fuck?” he asked Connor on the sidewalk. “I was talkin’ to her.”

“Yeah, and you were freaking her out, Murph. You gotta control yourself, for Christ’s sake.”

Murphy’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What, so you think I shoulda just let the guy harass her? He was makin’ her all uncomfortable and shit!”

Connor shook his head. “No, but… ya coulda handled it smoother, ya know? Don’t go in all fully loaded.”

Murphy knew Connor was probably right. After all, he was better at picking up women, and it was probably due in part to his superior emotional control. Murphy was the more volatile one, and the one who let his feelings get the better of him.

Murphy sighed and rubbed the back of his head as he looked down at the sidewalk. “I suppose you’re right… just… that guy’s a real tool.”

“What a tool,” Shannon said, wiping down the counter after the little ordeal just minutes ago.

“Which one?” you asked.

Shannon scoffed. “Tony, obviously.”

You shook your head, not wanting to even think about him. “God, I can’t believe he found out where I worked. I was trying to be very vague.”

“Well, like I said, mafia ties. They probably know your cat’s family tree. It was only a matter of time before he found out.”

“God,” you sighed, “I wish he’d just leave me alone.”

Shannon tilted her head. “At least you have Murphy to protect you.”

You looked at her with a frown. “Don’t start.”

“Oh, come on, he was so jealous. You should be flattered.”

Though you had to admit that you were grateful Murphy stepped in, you thought he could’ve been a little better at not making a scene. In any case, it was nice to know he cared about you.

“Well, I’m not flattered. I’m terrified that I’m gonna end up sleeping with the fishes,” you said. “You know, he invited me to a mafia thing. With the Yakavetta’s.”

Shannon looked at you seriously. “You’re not going, right?”

“Of course not, that’s what started the whole thing. Tony wouldn’t leave me alone when I said no.” When you thought about it, maybe he wasn’t as harmless as you thought. You had assured Murphy you could handle it, but you had no idea what you were going to do if Tony kept bothering you.

That evening, you were relieved to finally be snuggled up in your bed, reading the latest from Spin. You picked it up at the newsstand mostly because it had Shirley Manson from Garbage on it, and you worshiped her like a goddess of contemporary alternative music. You immediately flipped to the page with her interview, and you were just starting to read it when your phone rang.

You got up and looked at your digital clock on your bedside table. 9:36 PM. You never got calls at this time. It couldn’t be your parents, who were surely asleep back in Pacific Standard Time.

Walking over to your desk, you picked up the transparent phone you had in your room since the eighties.

“Hello?”

“Hi, (Y/N)?” asked a familiar Irish voice.

You immediately processed that it was Murphy. “Hi, um… how are you?”

You always hated phone conversations.

“Fine,” he said, sounding a little dejected. “I just, uh, wanted to apologize… about earlier. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

You closed your eyes and rubbed your forehead in exhaustion. You weren’t mad at Murphy, just a little annoyed. The entire situation annoyed you. You hated having to be stood up for. Any kind of attention like that stressed you out, really. It was half the reason you liked doing radio—you felt like you could be yourself without anyone seeing you or being aware of your existence. It was the only kind of attention you liked.

“You don’t have to apologize,” you said. “I appreciate it, but you were being a good friend.”

Murphy nodded on the other end. “So, uh… that guy, how do you know him? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”

You huffed. “Well, he’s the DJ at the station who does the show before mine. He drives me there and back, unfortunately.”

Murphy felt a wave of relief wash over him. It was like being baptized all over again. Tony wasn’t your boyfriend, and you weren’t interested in him. Even if nothing ever happened between you and him, he’d at least know you weren’t with a guy like that.

“Good,” he said, accidentally. “I—I mean… it’s good that you’re not that close. I’ve known a lot of blokes like that. They’re not very nice fellas.”

You smiled, admiring the sound of his voice and the little interjections of terms that Americans didn’t usually say. “Yeah, well, I’m trying to get this guy to leave me alone. It’s gotten so bad I’m starting to look at cars so I won’t have to rely on him for transportation, and I’m about ready to contact the station about changing my show time.”

Murphy nodded. “Sorry ya have to do that, lass. Prick should just leave ya alone.”

You threw yourself back onto your bed, thankful for the incredibly long cord that allowed you to walk around freely while talking on the phone. “That’s just the life of a woman,” you said. “Deal with perverted creeps, never find a nice guy who isn’t just being nice because he wants something from you, die a virgin because your standards are apparently way too high…”

Oops, you thought. Didn’t mean to say that last part.

You cleared your throat. “Um, I mean, I’m not a virg—” You closed your eyes and covered your mouth with your free hand. “Shit. I am a virgin. N-not that it matters. And not that you asked, or care. Oh my god, what am I saying?”

Murphy laughed. “Maybe you should become a nun. Then ya have to be celibate. Married to Christ or whatever.”

You smiled, thankful that he was at least trying to joke around with you and not immediately hanging up on you for your strange admission. You were so used to talking to other girls who openly talked about sex (or lack thereof) that you didn’t think twice about mentioning it.

“Trust me, I’ve thought about it. I don’t think I could wear the outfit, though. It seems like it gets hot in there.”

Murphy hummed in agreement. “You’re much too nice to be a nun, anyway. I remember back in school, Connor and me, we were always getting into trouble with the nuns. They beat our little asses with big splintered rulers.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh my god, seriously?”

He nodded. “Yep, nearly everyday. They’re mean, all repressed and shit. Could never look ‘em in the eye.”

You turned sad. “God, I’m sorry. That’s terrible.”

“It’s all right. We came out on top in the end.”

You raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“Last day of primary school, we put super glue all over Sister Marion’s seat. No one could get her off it, had to cut up her habit. Everyone saw her knickers.”

You shook your head with a smirk. “That’s awful. She deserved it, right?”

“Oh, yeah. She hit us the worst, even when we just said our prayers wrong. She deserved it.”

You didn’t even realize it until you looked at the clock after hanging up with Murphy, but the two of you had been talking for almost two hours. You ended up in a heated debate about Irish versus American slang, and you were forced against your will to demonstrate your best Irish accent (to which Murphy let out a boisterous laugh, and you heard Connor giggling nearby, too).

The very next day, Connor and Murphy headed out to start their day with their usual stop at Killarney’s.

When a shiny black Maserati with tinted windows pulled up next to them as they walked, they tipped their sunglasses to see Tony and a rather burly looking man in the front seat, rolling down the windows.

“Hey, assholes,” Tony said before parking the car on the curb and quickly stepping out of the sports car to saunter over to the brothers. “Where you boys headin’?”

They both took off their glasses and stamped out their cigarettes, nearly at the same time. “None of your business, goombah,” replied Murphy.

On all other occasions, Murphy did not believe in using ethnic epithets, but Murphy also believed in revenge, so he simply thought of it as getting him back for the “mick” comment.

Tony immediately pressed his chest up against Murphy’s in an attempt at asserting dominance, Murphy supposed, though he wasn’t scared of the man at all. There was very little Murphy was afraid of when it came to violence.

Connor tried to come between them, but he was quickly intercepted by the very large man, who was at least a head taller than all three of them.

Suddenly, the two of them were pushed into the alley just behind them.

“I know everything about you,” Tony said, his face still hounding Murphy’s. “I know where you live, where you work, where you drink… shit, I even know where you eat. I’m a nice guy, so I’m gonna give a warning: you’re on my list.”

Murphy cracked a wide grin and looked at his brother, who was also grinning. “You hear that, Connor? We’re on the list.”

“Ooo,” Connor said in a mock scared tone. “I’m shaking in my boots.”

Tony shook his head with a cold frown. “Keep pushin’, assholes. I’ll be watchin’ you, and (Y/N), too. Got eyes all over Southie.”

Tony pulled his coat back to reveal a pistol in his pocket. “If you end up with a hole in your head,” he continued, “no one’s gonna do nothin’ about it. You can guarantee it.”

He nodded to the large man, who the brothers presumed to be the bodyguard. “Let’s go, Enzo.”

The two men sauntered off towards the black car, then sped away.

Murphy pointed to the spot where they were. “You see that,” he said, “that’s the kinda shit I hate.”

Connor nodded. “Yeah, bastards.” He spit at the concrete. “You think they really got us on a list?”

Murphy shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t give a shit.”

Connor shook his head and wrapped his arm around Murphy’s shoulder before walking with him out of the alley back onto the sidewalk. “Hey, brother,” he said, “remember Murphy’s law, right?”

Murphy rolled his eyes. “Aye, if anything can go wrong—”

“It fucking will,” Connor finished. “Don’t get too cocky now. Mafia knows us ‘cause of all this, ‘cause of your little lass.”

“They woulda found out about us sooner or later.”

“Aye, but we must tread lightly… wait till the time’s right, take out the fuckers.”

Murphy laughed. “Sure, Connor. We’ll kill ‘em all.”

Connor smiled as he patted Murphy’s chest. “Indeed we will.”

Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are always appreciated!

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so-small · 4 years

Text

Connor Murphy x Reader: Dear Other Hansen: Part 1

words: 1,643

warnings: fight, slight harassment by a pervy football player

It was the first day of your senior year and your mom was giving the same speech to you and Evan that she gave every year. Growing up twins you shared everything: your anxiety, your interest in nature, your love-hate relationship with Jared, and your clear disdain for this speech. 'This year would be different, it's a new start- a clean slate. She's so proud of you already.'

"Oh and Evan, (Y/N)? I made you an appointment with for today, I'll come buy and pick you guys up after school. Make sure you guys have letters to yourself, the doctor expects you to have some."

"We have an appointment for next week though, mom?" Evan questioned, worried that he overestimated the amount of time he could put off writing his letter.

"I thought you could use something a little sooner. I love you guys! Have a good first day, and remember if you guys need anything at all, call me. Bye," with that she was out the door.

Evan looked to you, and then down at his hands. "(Y/N), I still haven't written anything..."

"I know," you sighed, running your hands through your hair, "I haven't either. We were supposed to have another week." Procrastination. That was another trait you shared. You were well aware that it would only make the task at hand more daunting, but sometimes it was just more convenient to watch TV than do work.

"And we still have to take the bus. It's our senior year, and we're the only seniors who still have to ride the bus. Everyone is going to think we're losers."

"...What if we just walk?" You suggested, to which Evan responded to by nodding vigorously. You grabbed your stuff and the two of you began walking.

It was warm outside, but cloudy. Evan and you were talking about the normal stuff. He was talking about working at the park, and you were talking about hanging out with Zoe- another thing you had in common- who you had befriended one day at the mall at the beginning of the summer. You had been at American Eagle, trying to find the perfect outfit to boost your confidence. Zoe had seen you, said hi, and proceeded to help choose the cutest outfit you had ever seen. Ever since then, Zoe and you were good friends. Evan always loved hearing you talk about her, because he felt like he knew her better when you did.

Finally, you arrived at school. Evan walked over to talk with Alana and then Jared, trying aimlessly to get them to sign his cast. Zoe had came over to you as soon as she saw you arrive to school, upset about the morning she had "-and then he finished the milk! Dry cereal was not how I wanted to start my first day back."

"Maybe he's just on his man period?" You didn't want to admit it, but Connor always intrigued you. He never looked like he was the same guy who Zoe complained about, or the rumors that spread across the school. He just looked out-of-place, which is how you felt most of the time. He didn’t look like he could be that much of a dick. Back in grade school, you had been in bed with the flu when Connor presumably threw a printer. After hearing little Evan cry for three hours after school about it- not because he was scared or even angry- because the teacher was printing out a coloring page for him, and he never got it.

"Then he would have been menstruating since he was twelve-" Zoe was interrupted by hearing Connor yelling. She turned the corner to see him screaming at Evan and Jared scurrying off. "Oh no."

"Why are you laughing? Stop fucking laughing! I'm not the freak! You're the fucking freak!" Connor pushed Evan down and ran off sulking.

Zoe and you rushed over to Evan to make sure he was okay. You'd talked to her enough about Evan for her to know that he wasn't going to take this well. You were freaking out, both worried about Evan and horrified that he had already been pushed on the first day. The bell rung and Zoe went her separate way, while Evan rambled on, "-and then she introduced herself to me! Did you see that? It was so magical. Well, it would have been if I hadn't screwed it up."

"You'll be okay Evan. She's a sweet girl, she's not going to judge you. Especially since Connor was involved. What class do you have?"

"Stats, what about you?"

"English, see you at lunch or something?" You hugged Evan as tight as you could headed to class.

---

When you arrived to class, you took a seat in the back corner, relieved that you were in your favorite teacher’s class this year. Mr. Sinclair was half way done with the syllabus when Connor Murphy walked in. He walked to the back of the class room, but there were only two seats left. One by the captain of the football team, Derek, and the other next to you. He choose to sit next to you.

Not long after Mr. Sinclair was done with the syllabus, he announced that there would be a group project. “Your partners will be your table buddies. You will choose a book, and make a project on it. I emailed the requirements, but keep in mind that the books need to be appropriate. Derek you can join whatever group you.” Mr. Sinclair then let everyone start working on the project. You were sitting with your hands cupped on the desk, staring down at them. You didn't know what to do. Sure, you'd seen Connor around at the Murphy's house, but he never really said anything more than the greetings his mom forced him to say. Other than that, all you knew about him were the rumors, what Zoe said about him, and that he'd hurt Evan earlier that day.

"(Y/N), right?" A voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You nodded, recognizing it as Connor's voice. "You're related to the kid with the cast and the polo?"

"-Evan, he's my twin." You didn't know why he was asking this. You’d been in the same grade level and classes as Connor since kindergarten, and even if you never personally spoke to Connor, you were sure he already knew these things.

"So you're going to go ask if we can just separate projects," You couldn't tell if this was a question or a command. "I mean, you're brother thinks I'm a freak, so why would you want to do a project with me."

"Evan does not think that, I promise."

Connor's voice got louder, "Yeah? Then why was he fucking laughing at me with Kleinman earlier?"

Your heart began race, and you began stuttering. Your face must have shown traces of anxiety because Connor's angry gaze softened slightly. He reached his hand toward your hand, but he was blocked by a figure.

“What do you think you’re doing, Murphy?”

“Go away Derek.” The same amount Connor’s eye softened at the sight of your anxiety, they hardened when he saw Derek.

“Were you going to hurt her?”

“Go. Away. Derek.”

“No can do. I’ve decided to be (Y/N)’s partner.” Derek slung his arm around your shoulders as you stiffened.

Connor was visibly getting more annoyed by the minute, “That would mean that your my partner too, go find a different set of partners.”

“Babycakes wants me here.” A smirk spread across his face. You were growing more uncomfortable, and were silenced by shock and disgust. “No, she doesn’t. Neither do I, so don’t make me-”

“Make you do what? I’ve already decided. (Y/N), call me when you want to meet up for the project, sweetie.” Your face grew ten shades of red as you involuntarily grabbed onto Connor’s arm and scooted closer to him. Connor took one look at your shaky, nervous frame and lunged into action.

Connor drove his fist into Derek’s face, and Derek did the same. It was a blur as you gaped at the two men fighting, feeling a panic attack coming on, and before you knew it they were being pulled apart by Mr. Sinclair and two other teachers who had been called in. The teachers escorted Connor and Derek to the office. Mr. Sinclair pulled you outside the classroom and sat with you until your panic died down, “Are you okay, Ms. Hansen?” You nodded. “Did Mr. Murphy hurt you?”

It took a moment to process what he said. “Connor didn’t do anything, Mr. Sinclair. Derek was making some,” you sighed, “comments about me that made me feel creeped out. I think Connor saw I was uncomfortable and tried to defend me.”

Mr. Sinclair pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ms. Hansen, if what your saying is true, we need to get you down to the office so they don’t blame this on Connor.” Mr. Sinclair took you to the office just as the principal was getting ready to suspend Connor and release Derek. Mr. Sinclair reiterated what you had told him, and you confirmed it. Derek protested, trying to say that you were making it up.

“Very well,” the principal raised his hand to stop Derek, “Ms. Hansen has never given me any reason to not believe her. That, and last year three students came forward about you, Derek. I’m afraid I have no choice but to suspend you for a week and put you on probation from football until further notice. Connor, I’m going to let you off with a warning, and send you home for the rest of the day. Tomorrow, I will trust that you will not do this again, or you will be suspended.” Connor shook his head, and left without another word.

---

A/N- I’m not sure how long this series is going to be, but we’ll see.

#connor murphy x reader #dear evan hansen #evan hansen #connor murphy #alex boniello #mike faist #dear evan hansen x reader #jared kleinman #zoe murphy #heidi hansen #larry murphy #cynthia murphy #alana

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luviedovey · 4 years

Text

the you i fell in love with

connor murphy x female!reader

a/n: not me writing a fic about mike faist’s connor murphy 2 years after he left the show...... also Connor is probably ooc

summary: you were Connor’s girlfriend who lived in the next town over, a little over a half hour away. his family didn’t know about you, no one did. he didn’t want his family or anyone he knew to scare you away. in the end, it didn’t really matter. he was gone. when the Connor Project came to be and Evan resigned from being co-president, you ran into him. you questioned him about his “friendship” with Connor and he told you everything.

set after the Murphy’s find out the truth and before the Evan/Zoe reunion at the orchard.

second person pov

warning: a few swear words, also very brief mention of depression and taking your own life, and Larry Murphy kind of being a dick

word count: 5,573

______

“Who are you exactly?” Evan questioned the girl who pulled him off to the side of the supermarket where no one else was around. To say he was a little nervous would be an understatement, he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m so sorry! I probably scared you half to death dragging you along like that.. I just have some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering..?” You smiled at him sheepishly. Something about your awkward smile eased his mind a bit, but not enough. “No, sorry my mom actually is waiting for me by the-” “It’s about Connor!” You interrupted, looking at him through sad, heartbroken eyes. “..Please. Evan Hansen. I know you weren’t really friends with him. I know you weren’t even secret friends with him.. Because if you were, I would’ve known.”

Evan looked around before looking back at you, confused. “Who are you?” He asked for the second time. “I’m- I was Connor’s girlfriend. Y/N L/N. I met him 2 years ago at the apple orchard you guys rebuilt? We both went there because we thought that no one else would be there and that it would be the perfect place to escape. His family and classmates never knew about me because he-” you laugh slightly,” he was afraid they would take me away from him. Or that his family would fight in front of me and he’d lose his cool or that his sister would say nasty things about him to ‘spare me from being in a relationship with him’ or even that the bullies at his school would turn me against him even though he knew damn well I could never.” You stopped rambling and passed him a Polaroid picture of the two of you, sitting against the chain link fence that surrounded the old abandoned apple orchard. You were looking up at Connor with heart eyes as he smiled back down at you. A real smile. This was the real Connor Murphy.

Evan looked up from the picture at you, shocked before quickly returning it to you. “Oh my god... You must think I’m such a h- horrible person for doing all this and pretending to be best friends with your- your dead boyfriend- I’m so sorry for your loss by the way- and making up all these stories about things we never really did and starting a whole online campaign about-” “Evan!” He stopped ranting, breathing heavily. “Breathe, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax.”

It was silent for a moment before Evan mumbled a quiet, “Thank you.”

You smiled knowingly. “Now. Mind telling me everything?”

The two of you sat in your old beat up truck, as Evan told you everything. And by everything i mean everything. He started from the very beginning, “My dad left when I was 7 so now it’s just me and my mom. She works all the time at the hospital to support us and to pay for her education- she’s studying to be a paralegal- and so I’m usually home alone. I have anxiety so I take medication and go to therapy where I have to write a letter to myself hyping myself up for the day and trying to be positive and stuff-” “’Dear Evan Hansen’...”

He looked up from his hands at you, “Yeah.. Connor had one of my letters when he- um.. he took it from me earlier that day..” “It was your therapy letter? Why did he take it from you?” “Oh! You see he didn’t actually know it was a letter to myself for therapy he just thought I was being creepy and writing about his sister in a letter to print it out where he would find it and freak out and explode or something- That wasn’t why though, I didn’t even know he was in the room with me, I thought I was alone. He signed my cast before he read my letter, though. He said, ‘Now we both can pretend we have friends.’ Which is why I thought doing what I did would be okay but it wasn’t and it never will be and I really shouldn’t justify my actions because it was-” “Evan breathe.” “Right, sorry.” “Don’t apologize, it’s okay.” “Okay sor-” You gave him a pointed look.

“O-okay...” You giggled slightly, looking out of the window at the supermarket parking lot, “So.. he ran out with your letter, pissed because he thought you were fucking with him... And then he killed himself.” “Yeah.”

“So what happened after that?” “The Murphy’s showed up in the principal’s office three days later. I knew something was wrong because Connor and Zoe both weren’t in school and I know Connor skips but it’s not likely that they would both be out on the same days. Zoe doesn’t really skip school- she’s not that kind of person.” You nodded, gesturing to get to the point. “Right, they called me into the office because Connor had my letter and my name was on it so they thought the letter was for me. I tried to tell them it wasn’t- that I was the one who wrote it, but they were in denial. They kept reading parts of my letter back to me from memory, trying to make sense of it but I couldn’t tell them- I couldn’t get through to them....” He sighed.

“They invited me over to dinner and I went because I wanted to set the record straight but when I got there, they wanted to hear everything I knew about Connor. But I didn’t know anything, so whenever they brought something up I just nodded and agreed. Zoe was getting suspicious so I started to make things up. ‘Connor loved to talk about how much he hated skiing.’ ‘Connor took us to A La Mode and we ate our ice cream in the apple orchard where we climbed trees and raced across the open fields.’ ‘We would quote songs by our favorite bands.’ ‘We’d tell jokes no one else would understand.’ All lies. And they believed them. They wanted me to keep talking, they needed me to. They were broken and I just wanted to help them. I told them that we were friends on the internet where we’d email each other to talk about our day and stuff. And Connor would use a secret email account because he knew his dad was checking his regular email, and he didn’t want anyone to know we were friends.... Now that I think about it, this kind of sounds like your story.” You laughed, lightening the mood, and nodded.

“You know, you really aren’t that far off from who Connor was, despite the fact that you were making it up as you went. He wasn’t the monster that everyone thought he was. I mean sure in 2nd grade he pushed over a printer because he had a little tantrum about being skipped for line leader, but what kid doesn’t have a tantrum at least once in their life? It definitely didn’t help that all those kids grew up, making the story sound worse than it really was. He was always angry and stand-offish because everyone in his life would say shit about him that wasn’t true or be nice to him to get close enough to learn something new about him and then turn around and make fun of him for it. He was battling depression and needed help but his family didn’t want to believe there was anything actually wrong with him. I was the only one to believe him. To believe in him. But I’m just one person, and I guess that wasn’t enough..” You trailed off. Evan awkwardly put a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb as a way to console you.

It was silent for a moment. “I think he would’ve liked you. It would’ve taken him a while to warm up to you, but I really do think the two of you could’ve been friends.” Evan smiled slightly, before frowning. “I pretended to be his friend for so long, but Alana- she’s the co-president of the Connor Project- started getting suspicious about our friendship, saying that the letters didn’t make sense because it sounded like Connor was getting better so I showed her Connor’s ‘suicide note’-” “Dear Evan Hansen, It turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?”

“...Yeah. She believed me too. I told her not to show anyone because it was a really private thing, but she just said that was exactly what people needed to see. She posted it and people on the internet started to attack the Murphy’s, saying things like ‘They’re a rich family who couldn’t bother to pay for their son to get help?’ and ‘I’m not saying to do anything illegal but their house is the pale yellow house at the end of the cul de sac with a red door.’” Your hand flew to your mouth in shock. “They even leaked Zoe’s phone number and their house phone! Everything was just spiraling out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and the only thing I could think of to do was just.. them the truth. So I did and I told them everything. I wrote the letter, Connor took it from me, we weren’t really friends, and it was all a lie. I haven’t spoken to the Murphy’s since.” He fiddled with his hands in his lap and sighed. “And.. I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll go to school and everyone will hate me or that the Murphy’s will ruin my life.. Not that I don’t deserve it, after what I did? I deserve worse.”

“Evan.. No one deserves that, especially not you. What you did wasn’t exactly the right thing to do but you had the best intentions.” He nodded silently, “What did you want to ask me earlier anyways?”

You turned, facing down at the wheel in front of you. “I wanted to ask you if you knew where he was buried.”, a tear slipped from your eye as you sighed, smiling sadly, “I didn’t exactly get to say goodbye..” “I could go with you if you’d like. To show you the way?”

“Thank you, Evan.”

___

During the ride to the cemetery, You and Evan talked, trying to lighten the mood, and quickly became best friends. The two of you didn't have so much in common but you were both very comfortable and supportive of each other. You were like the siblings neither of you had.

The two of you stepped out of the truck, and begun walking to Connor’s grave. “Oh! Hold on..” You turn back, grabbing a beautiful bouquet of red roses and pink tulips, with a small white card that said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you enough when you needed it, Connor. I will never forget you, mon amour. I love you, always.” Connor didn’t have a specific favorite flower but he did appreciate their meanings. Roses represent love, and tulips represent a declaration of love. You hoped that even though he was gone he would still appreciate the thought you put into it.

The two of you walked up to his grave. It was at this moment when it hit you that he was really gone forever. You dropped to your knees, carefully placing down the flowers. Tears streaming as you silently sobbed, Evan’s hand on your left shoulder and the ghost of Connor’s hand on your right.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I love you more than you’ll ever know..”

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, before agreeing to leave in case the Murphy’s decided to visit. Neither of you really wanted to run into them and have to explain who you were and why you were there. “Do you want to come over to my house? You look emotionally exhausted.” You laughed and nodded, starting up the car.

___

“Why didn’t you come to town sooner?” You sighed, “I just.. I didn’t want to believe that he was really gone, you know? And coming here, seeing his grave, and his grieving family just confirmed what I prayed wasn’t true.” You sipped on the hot chocolate in your hands, staring out of the window at the pouring rain and cloudy night sky. “Have you met them yet?” Evan mumbled, typing on his laptop on the couch beside you. He pulled up the Connor Project and read about all the many different things Alana was doing. “No.. But I feel like I should? Like I know things about Connor that would give them closure but I can’t bring myself to go over and talk to them.”

“If only there was a way for you to show them what Connor was really like so you wouldn’t have to talk to them...” It was silent for a moment, “Actually... Connor and I used to write each other handwritten letters and take a lot of pictures together..” “Well what are the odds..” he giggled, “Maybe you could give those to them? The ones that aren’t super personal?” You sat together deeply in thought.

“But I can’t exactly bring myself to just give them away... Maybe I could copy them and white out all the personal stuff? Like the things between me and Connor only, and my face and name?” Evan nodded, agreeing that that would be the best option. You’d create a box filled with things Connor wrote and pictures of when he was truly happy, then leave it on the Murphy’s doorstep. It was a safe, no-contact interaction.

___

The next night, you went over to Evan’s house with the box labeled “The Real Connor Murphy. (i’m so sorry for your loss.. i thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.)” Evan gave you directions to the Murphy household. Eventually, you parked in front of the pale yellow house, all three cars were in the driveway. “You better be quick if you don’t want anyone to see you.. Just.. keep the car running, drop off the box, ring the doorbell, and book it back here and drive off. Don’t turn back.” “Okay super spy.” You laughed nervously.

You walked up to the door, placing the box neatly on the ground with a single rose and tulip tapped on the top, rang the doorbell, and ran off. You jumped into the car and drove off just as Evan, who was previously hiding away from the car window, saw the red front door begin to open.

___

“Larry!” Cynthia Murphy exclaimed, picking up the box from the front porch to the dinner table, placing it beside the small card they had found on a mysterious bouquet of flowers they found the day before against Connor’s gravestone. “What is that?” He asked, looking at it with disinterest. “I found it on the porch, it says ‘The Real Connor Murphy. I’m so sorry for your loss.. I thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.’ It’s in the same handwriting as the note we found on that bouquet of flowers. It even has the same two flowers! It has to be the same person. Someone who really loved him...” “What’s inside?” Zoe asked while reading and rereading the small card.

Cynthia opened the box to find handwritten letters from Connor and a mystery girl, photos of Connor laughing, smiling, pouting, hugging and kissing someone with a scratched out face. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This was the real Connor, a whole different version of him that the three were completely unaware of. Seeing him like this was just so unfamiliar to them, they couldn’t believe their eyes for a moment. Zoe picked up a letter, reading it aloud,

“Dear Y/N

Things haven’t been going so well lately, my parents are always fighting, my mom pretends like there’s nothing wrong, my dad doesn’t pay attention to anyone but himself anymore, and Zoe hates me.

Not that I blame her, I hate myself too. But I don’t hate myself when I’m around you. I’m so glad to have you around. You make life just a little easier every day.

It’s harder when you’re not around, I get angry easier when I get bullied at school or when Zoe says something awful about me. I just feel like I’m an airplane about to crash, but with you around I feel like I’m flying. Smooth sailing. Floating even. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever met.

Thank you. I love you.

Sincerely, Con”

“He.. he had a girlfriend..?” She said, in shock. The three began to shuffle through the letters, photos, and little post-it notes, putting them in piles. “These are all copied..” “Maybe whoever left them didn’t want to give the originals away..?” “Maybe because she still cares about and loves him and didn’t want to give these away. They seem so.. personal.” Cynthia picked up a post-it note,

“Tu es belle Y/N, je t'adore.”

“What does that even mean?” Zoe pulled out her phone going straight to google translate, “It’s says ‘you are beautiful, i adore you.’.. I didn’t know Connor knew french.” “He never took a class for it. Maybe he learned it on his own?” Larry picked up a photo this time, Connor was standing in front of the apple orchard’s rotting old sign in the middle of the field, fake pouting and wearing a thin little flower crown you had made him. “I didn’t know Connor had any feelings other than anger.” Cynthia hit his arm. “Wait,” Zoe said, grabbing the attention of her bickering parents, “This letter has a picture and a post-it note attached to it.”

“Dear Con,

Thank you for the painting, it’s absolutely beautiful. You are so so talented. The way you put so much thought into every detail is truly admirable. You make everything you paint so exciting and captivating, even if the thing you’re painting isn’t very exciting at all. You see the beauty in the things that most people never give a second glance.

It kind of reminds me of the way I look at you.

To most people that don’t know you, you are a “freak” or “school shooter chic”. But, when I look at you, you are none of those things. You are beautiful, you are captivating, you are perfectly imperfect. You are worth it. Don’t give up on me darlin’.

I love you.

Sincerely, Y/N/N”

Attached to the letter was a photo of the painting mentioned. It was a painting of your beaten old navy blue truck parked beside a chain link fence that blocked it off from the open field. In the background, the sun was setting in a perfect blend of yellows, oranges, and reds. It was so detailed that if you weren’t already aware that it was a painting, you would’ve probably thought it was a photo taken from a fancy camera. “It really is beautiful..” Cynthia trailed off, wiping a stray tear that fell from her eye, “He was so talented. I didn’t even know he liked to paint! I mean I knew he took an art class but because he skipped school so much, I never even thought he went..”

“I guess we really didn’t know Connor at all..” Zoe begun to get angry, “What kind of family does that?! I mean we lived with him, I grew up with him, you two raised him, and we still didn’t even know who he was?! This.. this stranger even knew more about him than we did! Do you realize how sad this is? We have to learn about our dead family member from a complete stranger because when he was alive, we were too busy pretending like he was just acting out for attention instead of actually needing help! He needed help and we didn’t give it to him! It’s not like we couldn’t afford to take him to therapy! We just pretended like he was a monster and if we ignored him, he would stop..” She took a deep breath, “Maybe we were the monsters and his anger and tantrums were his cries for help...” “Zoe..” Cynthia reached for her arm but she pulled away, running up to her room while choking back tears. “..She’s right.”

The two were quiet for a long period of time, reading and rereading every letter and every note, memorizing every photo.

Cynthia held up a photo of Connor and a girl, whose face was completely scratched out, “Who are you..”

___

The next day was a particularly warm day so you and Evan drove over to A La Mode as a victory ice cream run of sorts. You really believed in treating yourself after small, seemingly insignificant, victories such as dropping off a box of precious letters to a grieving family. They needed closure, and you were willing to give it them. Evan, despite talking about A La Mode with the Murphy’s before, had never actually been. You two talked and ate your ice cream sitting in the back of your truck, looking out at the orchard across the street. The orchard was renamed the “Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard”, which made your heart a little heavy. Another reminder that he was really gone.

In the distance, on the other side of the fence sat the Murphy’s who were packing up from their weekly picnic. As they got up to walk out of the orchard, Zoe looked across the street. “Wait a minute..” Her parents stopped walking. “What is it Zoe?” Larry asked. She pointed at the car parked across the street, “Isn’t that the car that Connor painted his girlfriend in that letter? And Evan?” They looked across the street to find the same navy blue truck and a familiar face.

Evan paled, “The Murphy’s are looking at us!” he whisper-shouted. You began to turn around, but Evan stopped you. “No don’t look!” Your head whipped back to him as your face paled, “They recognized my car..” “How could they? It was night time when you dropped off the box and the door barely begun to open as you drove away..”

You smiled sheepishly, “I may or may not have given them a picture of a painting Connor made me of my truck parked beside that exact fence...” Evan facepalmed and gave you a deadpanned look. “Well they’re starting to walk across the street now.”

You shot up, “Let’s go.” “I mean would it be so bad to meet his parents?” Evan asked as the two of you scrambled into the front seats. “I’m just.. I’m not ready to have that conversation just yet.” You reversed out of the parking spot and drove back onto the road.

“Wait!” The Murphy’s shouted to the car as it begun to drive off. “There was a girl driving. Maybe that was her?” Cynthia asked, hopefulness clear in her voice. “She was with Evan, do you think the box of letters were fake?” Larry, always the optimist. “They couldn’t be, they were handwritten in Connor’s handwriting. Even the french notes.”

Zoe thought for a moment, “Well if we’re going to find her, we should probably start with Evan’s place first.” “Who said we were going to look for her?” Larry asked, “I’m not wasting my time on a wild goose chase. She’s already shown us enough about Connor.”

Cynthia turned to her husband, “How could you say that? She could be the one thing to bring us closer to our son. Our son who took his own life because he felt that that was the only path left for him. And you don’t want to try to find her? Find closure? Honestly Larry, what is wrong with you lately!” “I’m sorry. We’ll find her.”

___

The Murphy’s found themselves at the Hansen household. They knew you were there. After all, your truck was parked in the driveway. Inside were you, Heidi, and Evan. You had just met Heidi, but she loved you. She was thrilled to find that Evan had made a friend like you. You hung out with Evan even after learning he lied about being friends with your recently deceased boyfriend, and helped him when he started to rant and breathe heavy about it. You were so kind-hearted, forgiving, and calm by nature, that he was finally comfortable around someone. You were quickly best friends.

A knock at the door startled the three of you. “Are you guys expecting anyone?”, Heidi stood up to get the door as you and Evan turned to each other. He placed a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. “I suppose now’s a good time as ever, even though I really only had 24 hours to prepare myself..” You muttered, the two of you walking towards the front door.

The Murphy’s stopped and stared at you. “Are you.. Were you Connor’s girlfriend?” Cynthia asked. You nodded slightly, rubbing your arm as a nervous habit. “I’m Cynthia, this is Larry and Zoe.. We’re Connor’s family.” “I know.”

Heidi invited them in, everyone heading to the living room. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.. We just wanted to thank you for all the letters and photos of Connor. It feels like we’re finally getting to know who he really was on the inside.” You looked up from your lap, “No offense ma’am, but shouldn’t you have gotten to know your own son when he was still around?”

Zoe laughed, awkward and uncomfortable. “I really don’t think that’s funny.. especially considering you didn’t bother to get to know him either.” You said getting defensive, sticking up for Connor. Even if he was gone, you would never stop fighting for him. You did truly love him after all. “And before you say ‘Connor wasn’t easy to talk to. He would always yell and storm off.’, just think about the fact that having a relationship with someone is a two way street. You can’t expect someone to make an effort if you don’t try to do the same.”

The three looked at her in shock. Heidi and Evan smiling sheepishly in the background. “I..”, Larry started, but trailed off, not being able to come up with a proper response. Cynthia and Zoe looked deep in thought, unable to do the same.

It was quiet for a long amount of time.

“You’re right. You’re right and I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. And the only thing we could do now is learn from our mistakes. We don’t exactly know how we’re going to do that but we’re willing to try. And we’re hoping that you could help us? Help us figure out what to do and help us learn about who Connor was?” Zoe finally spoke up, her parents nodding along in agreement.

You were trying to heal from everything that happened and them putting all their hope on you wasn’t really helping. But maybe grieving together would allow everyone to heal and remember him in a more positive way? At least you hoped.

There’s a lot of hope pinned on others here.

“I suppose helping you all would let us heal.. together?” You said, slightly questioning your own words, turning toward Evan. He shrugged, giving you a thumbs-up. “But I don’t feel comfortable talking about Connor unless Evan is around.” You paused, “It’d be nice to have a familiar face around and we’re practically best friends now.. so..” “Yes of course.” The three stood up, walking to the front door, “We’ll come back here at 11AM tomorrow and drive to the orchard for a picnic if that’s alright with the two of you?” You and Evan nodded simultaneously. “Are you allergic to anything dear?”

With the shake of your head and a quick goodbye from Evan and Heidi, the Murphy’s were off.

“Am I doing the right thing here? Connor didn’t even want his family to known I existed! And now we’re going on a picnic with them? Where I have to talk about him?” You sat down, head in your hands as a headache begun to grow. Heidi placed her hand on your shoulder gently, “It’s going to be tough right now, and it’s going to be emotionally draining, I’m sure. But, if you really think that they deserve to know who he really was, that how they perceive him is wrong, then I think you are doing the right thing. You’re helping them, you’re helping yourself, and you’re helping Connor. You did say that he wanted to change the way people saw him. And you’d be doing that for him, even if he’s not physically around to see it happen.”

“Thank you, Heidi.”

___

“It’s really nice of you to agree to meet us here, Y/N. And Evan, it’s nice to have you here too.” Cynthia smiled, putting down a blanket for the picnic. Everyone sat down in an awkward silence.

“So... is.. is there anything you wanted to know that wasn’t already in the letters?” You asked, picking at the blades of grass beside you. Evan slapped your hand away from the grass, silently scolding you in true forest ranger fashion for messing with nature. The Murphy’s turned to each other, silently debating what to say and who would say it. No surprise to you and Evan that the one to speak up was Cynthia. The past couple of hours really showed that she was the only one who seemed to care, at least a little bit, about Connor when he was around, though Zoe and Larry were trying their best now.

“Why didn’t Connor bring you around to meet the family? It really seemed like you brought so much light to his life. I mean, you brought out parts of him that we didn’t even know existed!” “We thought he was a monster...” Zoe muttered sadly.

Your heart ached for this family, they really knew nothing about him.. “Connor didn’t bring me around because he was afraid you’d all ‘scare me off’,” you laughed slightly, “And Connor may have been a monster to you, but the real Connor was never a monster, to me or to anyone in my small town. In the next town over, no one knew who Connor was or what he’d done in the past. It was like a fresh start. Which I knew he desperately needed. I mean, with all the people bullying him, hurting him physically or emotionally or both, and spreading fake rumors about him since he was in the second grade? He was angry and hurting and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he would lash out. But wouldn’t you react the same way? Build up walls so people wouldn’t hurt you? Isolate yourself so people couldn’t get close enough to?”

It went silent again, the only sound was the wind blowing in the summer breeze and the trees rustling in the background.

“She’s right.”

Everyone looked up, faces showing some form of shock. Larry continued, “All that stuff was going on in school and we made it worse for him at home. He asked us for help and we always assumed he was doing for attention. No matter how hard we tried to be a perfect family, we never were and we probably never will be.”

Zoe wiped away a stray tear. “Even though you couldn’t save your kid, maybe there’s a way you could save someone else’s?” He turned to you with a questioning glance. “I mean you have to admit, you’re a pretty wealthy family, maybe you can spend some time donating to suicide prevention hotlines and foundations that were created specifically to help those who are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts like Connor was? I know for a fact that Connor hated the way that he felt, and would never want anyone to go through what he’d been going through, no matter how much of an asshole they were.”

Cynthia reached over to you, placing a hand on your knee, smiling as tears fell freely from her face, from all of their faces. “That’s a brilliant idea, Y/N.”

___

The picnic went on as you told them stories of your’s and Connor’s adventures together. Jumping over the fence to lay around in the yellow fields of the old orchard, helping your mom arrange flowers in her flower shop (he would always make sure his bouquets were well thought out in their meaning), buying junk food and snacks when having movie marathons on a Saturday night, sketching and painting moments together so you two would never forget them.

With each little story, his family knew more about him and you felt as close to him as you had been before that heart-wrenching summer day.

You fell behind from the group as you all walked out of the orchard. Turning back and taking one last look at the entrance, the fields, and the growing trees of the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard, you notice a figure dressed in black standing with his back against the fence. He gave you a smile, a genuine yet sad smile, mouthing the words “thank you” and “i love you”, before disappearing in the wind.

#connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #deh #dear evan hansen #mike faist #broadway #dear evan hansen x reader

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connor-murphy-trash · 4 years

Note

Heyo I saw that you made your requests open, so maybe if it isn't too much work,I could ask for a Connor Murphy x reader? it doesn't matter if they are hcs or a scenario, maybe somwthing with the reader being his internet friend and then surprising him by starting to go to his school. And everyone is like why tf is this chick with that freak, and Connor gets really insecure but the reader stands up for him and makes him feel loved. Sorry if it's too long or too specific. Lots of love to you 💕💕

An: This took me a few weeks to write, and I loved every second of it. It is a little ooc, but I think it’s fine. The fluff of it makes up for it haha. Thank you so so much for this request! It was super fun to write. As for everyone else that has sent a request, I have a few more in my inbox that I will be trying to get to pretty soon. Somehow life is still managing to be busy, even with everything going on. I promise I haven’t forgotten about them<3

TW: Slight OOC

Type: Fluff

Word Count: 1,234

You’ve known Connor for about a year

You met online

Honestly, neither of you remember how

All of a sudden you were just best friends

You would text all the time

And when you weren’t texting you were on facetime

It ended up being a nightly thing

Both of you constantly looked forward to it

Some days it was the only thing you cared about

Connor became like a drug that you couldn’t get enough of

You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was about him

But he was mesmerizing

Maybe it was the way he looked so hard on the outside

But when you got to know him he was one of the nicest people you knew

Or it could be that whenever you call him upset he will sit there and let you rant

He would try his best to comfort you

And to take away all of your pain

Just like how you always do the same for him

Or maybe it was the way he said your name

Like it was the prettiest word ever to touch his lips

Or it could have been the way he looks when he falls asleep on the phone

All of the hurt and stress of life slowly fading away with the slowing of his breath

Whatever it was

You knew you couldn’t get enough of it

You were slowly falling for your best friend

And you had never even met him in person

But it was clear he was the one that you cared about more than anything

So when your parents told you that your dad got a job promotion

And that you had to move across the country

To the same area that Connor lived in

You couldn’t believe it

It all felt like a dream

It took everything in you not to text him instantly

But you decided it would be best to keep it a secret

For now

Until it was real

And you knew for certain it was happening

Fast forward

You had just barely moved into your new house

90% of your stuff was all still in boxes scattered around the newly filled house

You were ripping through box after box in your room

Trying to find the perfect outfit for the start of school tomorrow

You still hadn’t told Connor

He knew you had moved

But he didn’t know where

You had kept it a secret

You had a plan

The next day you woke up super early so you could get ready

Everything had to be perfect

While getting dressed your phone buzzed

Connor texted you

Saying he already knew today was going to be a bad day

“Well lucky for you I have a surprise for you today”

You texted back while heading out the door on your way to your new school

You were anxious for so many reasons

One being it was the first day of senior year

And the fact that you knew no one

Well

Almost no one

While walking through the halls you spotted a tall lanky boy with silky long hair

Out of all of the noise in the busy school halls

All you could focus on was his voice

It was so relieving to finally hear it without the lag of shitty wifi

It was him

It was Connor

The boy you had known so much about

Finally, you got to see him in person

Pulling out your phone you text him

“You ready for that surprise? Look behind you :)”

As soon as his phone buzzed in his pocket he pulled it out and read the text

His head whipped up

Looking all around

Until his eyes landed on yours

He froze

After a moment he started pushing through the crowd to finally stand next to you

“Surprise”

You said with slight jazz hands

“This can’t be real”

“I told you I was moving, remember?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me where!”

“I wanted to surprise you and I guess it worked”

A small smile formed on both of your faces

“Are we going to hug or are we both just going to stand here and stare at each other..?”

He instantly scooped you up into his arms

The smell of weed and old spice fill your nose

His tight embrace was cut short as a passerby yelled at you two

“Damn I didn’t know the freak had such a hot girlfriend. I might just need to take her for a spin after I beat the shit out of you after school”

He was talking directly to Connor trying to get a reaction out of him

Which worked

You could see that behind Connor’s eyes he was hurt

But his exterior didn’t show it

Connor mumbled something under his breath and tried to pull you away from the situation

But you stopped dead in your tracks

“Are you really going to let this guy talk to you like that?”

You said to Connor

Going up to the bully you started going off on him

You looked him dead in the eye and told him to fuck off

That Connor was a nice person if anyone had the decency to actually get to know him then they would know that

And that the reason Connor puts on the front of the bad kid was because of people like him that made him that way

Eventually, the warning bell rang and the small crowd around you dispersed

You turned away from the bully and asked Connor to show you to your new class

You were back to your bubbly self

Connor practically had whiplash from how quickly you went from telling that guy off to how sweet you normally were

“What the fuck was that?”

“What was what?” You asked innocently

“You never told me that you have such a short fuse.”

“I only do when I need one, and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna let that guy call you names like that.”

“Wait. Did you actually mean all that shit? You think I’m a good person?”

“Of course I do Con. I wouldn’t love you if you weren’t a good person.”

Connor stopped walking

As you kept going

“You love me?” Connor whispered

The realization hit of what you had just said

“Oh god, that’s not what I meant. I mean it is. Only if you do too. But otherwise, it’s platonic. I think.”

You were tripping over your words

Anxiety slowly filling your body

You started to panic slightly

But Connor knew what to do

And without the restraints of a screen in front of you two

He could actually do it

He came up to you and gently held your hands

He told you what you had been wanting to hear since you met

“I love you too, Y/N Y/L/N. I always have. I know you just moved here, but I want to try this out and see if it can work if you do too.”

You practically fell into Connor's arms

“I would love that Con”

The final bell rings indicating it was time for your first class at your new school

Connor could see the slight panic in your eyes

“It will be okay Y/N.”

And with that

He plants the lightest kiss on the back of your hand and walks away

You could tell that this was the start of something wonderful

#liz is writing #liz is creating #deh #dear even hanson #dear evan hansen x reader #deh x reader #dear evan hansen headcanons #deh headcanons #connor #connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #connor x reader #writing #connor murphy headcanons #ooc

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chincilla-on-the-moon · 4 years

Text

“Nice To Meet You Too”-Connor Murphy X Reader (Soulmate AU)

Word Count: 4,164

A/N: Hey everyone! It’s been a hot minute but here’s my second fic, I made the reader gender neutral so more people could enjoy it! Thank you to everyone who reads this and everyone who read my last fic, it is very much appreciated! Hope you have an amazing day! :)

Everyone was born with a tattoo on their inner left wrist with the first words their soulmate would ever say to them. These tattoos would disappear after the words had been said. Some people just had a simple “Hello!”s or “Excuse me!”s and nothing else, others had things such as totals from various purchases and what not but you were lucky, yours included your soulmate’s name. It read, “Uh, I’m Connor, nice to meet you too.” Connor. It was a lovely name but there were also a lot of people named Connor which led to you constantly getting your hopes up. You always went out of your way to introduce yourself to people named Connor and probably looked a little insane while doing so. A few of your friends had met their soulmates in elementary school but as high school went on more and more people were meeting their partners for life while you were still alone. You became a little discouraged but knew that yours was out there and you were going to meet them eventually. Then came some of the best and worst news of your life. You were moving out of state at the end of junior year a couple of weeks after school got out. You were partially overjoyed because you had already interacted with every single Connor in your area but it also meant you were leaving your home of almost eighteen years. Your junior year went by faster than you would have liked and the time came to say goodbye to your childhood best friend Quinn. They came over to help your family pack as they were like the second child your parents never had and once the last box was put into the U-HAUL truck the two of you broke down crying and gave one another the biggest hug.

Once the breakdown was finished you gave each other one last tear-filled smile before you got into the front seat of your parents’ car and pulled out of the driveway of your childhood home. As you were sitting in the passenger seat with your earbuds in you though of Quinn and how you met. The two of you were in the same preschool, on the first day during playtime you were sitting alone and they came up and declared you two were going to be best friends for forever and the rest was history. You were indeed best friends and were almost never seen without the other. You soon became sad so decided to try and think of something else. You knew Quinn was going to be okay because they had recently met their soulmate so they weren’t going to be alone during this transition period for the two of you. You, on the other hand, were not so sure how you were going to cope. Sure facetime was a thing that existed but it definitely wasn’t the same as Quinn just busting into your house at random times and your parents just being okay with it. You slowly fell into a dreamless sleep for the majority of the rest of the trip.

When you woke up again your mom informed you that you were just about two hours from your new home. You got out at the gas station you were currently stopped at and went to the bathroom and got a few snacks for you and your mom to share. You started to stare out the window and soon your thoughts went to your soulmate, Connor. You hoped that you were going to get to meet him soon as this was currently the only thing keeping you going. You finally arrived at your new house about an hour before sunset. You and your parents began to unload everything from the U-HAUL truck. It took a lot longer without Quinn and you ended up having to finish in the dark. While your dad was returning the truck you and your mom decided to unpack the necessities then leave the rest for tomorrow. When your dad came back the three of you decided to get something to eat and just drive around the town.

You got food from Mcdonalds and took in the sights of your new home. It was a nice town, not too big or small, it looked like there were a lot of things to do and places to eat. The last stop on your sightseeing tour was the town’s high school. It looked a lot bigger than your previous school and you thought that building was hard to navigate so you could tell this was going to be a nightmare. On your way home you noticed a park right by your house. You could tell just by looking at it that it would be the perfect place to walk to at 3 AM when you couldn't fall asleep and just wanted to forget about all your troubles. Once you got home you found the box with your sleeping bag and pillow in it and found your new room. You set up your sleeping bag in your empty room, your furniture wasn’t supposed to arrive for a few days so you were stuck sleeping on the floor for the time being. You stared up at the textured ceiling and tried to fall asleep because you knew tomorrow was going to be filled with loads of unpacking but for some reason, you just couldn’t so you were going to call Quinn to just check in but decided against it since you remembered they were hanging out with their soulmate tonight. So you did what you always did when Quinn wasn’t available, imagine what your soulmate looked like. You really didn’t care what ‘Connor’ looked like it was just fun to try and put a face to a name. Slowly you fell into a dreamless sleep.

Your mother came into your room at about 8:30 so you could start unpacking. You finished the living room, kitchen, and bathroom before lunchtime. You finished doing the rest of your house just before dinner time. You stood in your room, it was painted a nice light grey and you had hung up some of your posters and pictures and strung up your lights which made you feel more at home. Your dad called upstairs to tell you that he had picked up dinner on his way home from work. While the three of you were eating he talked about his new job, he was a lawyer and had gotten an amazing opportunity at a pretty well-known law firm, which is why you guys moved. He told you about his new office and some dick named Larry he worked with. Once dinner was finished the three of you talked for a couple of hours about how everyone was feeling about the move, as the conversation was winding down you felt yourself growing tired, you bid your parents goodnight went upstairs to bed. Thoughts of how you were going to arrange your room filled your head, the furniture was supposed to arrive the next afternoon and you couldn’t wait to finally finish setting up your room. That night you had a weird beauty and the beast-esque dream filled with talking furniture.

The furniture truck arrived around 12:30 that afternoon and you finished setting up your room at about 3, you decided to facetime Quinn to show them your new room. They helped you decide where to put a couple small things then after that the two of you just caught up, they told you all about how amazing their soulmate was and you couldn’t help but feel a small pang of jealousy, they asked about ‘Connor’ and you told them you hadn’t found him yet. You lied and told them your mom was calling so you could stop talking about soulmates cause it was making you upset. After you got off the phone you and your mom decided to get lunch at a locally owned diner which made you feel a lot better about not finding Connor yet, before you went home you stopped at the grocery store and picked up somethings so you could begin making food in your own kitchen. Once you got home you decided to take a nap until dinner was ready. You woke up around 5:15 and saw that Quinn had sent you a message so you responded and told them about your lunch, just as you hit send on your message you heard your dad come in and your mom called up to you to tell you dinner was ready. Dinner was good and your dad said work was good which made you feel like maybe this move was a good thing.

The next morning your mom barged into your room and told you to get up and get ready to go tour your new school. You begrudgingly got up and dressed, you then went downstairs to meet your mom. The two of you headed out to her car and on the way put you grabbed some fruit so you wouldn’t be cranky during the tour. Once you arrived and found the main office you met your principal and she gave you your schedule and then introduced you to your tour guide, Alana Beck. She was very pretty and you could tell she was smart just by looking at her. Once your principal set you loose so the tour could actually begin Alana became much more talkative, not in a bad way, of course, it was nice to not have to worry about keeping the conversation going. As the tour progressed you felt your anxiety melting away, the building actually wasn’t that hard to navigate and your classes were easy enough to find. You and Alana found your way back to the principal’s office but before you went in Alana gave you her number that way if you had any questions about anything you could always text her. It was nice to know you already knew someone at school and wouldn’t be going in with a completely clean slate. You went into the office and said good-bye to Alana and your new principal. You walked out of that building feeling oddly calm. You and your mom went out to breakfast and you got one of your favorite diner foods. Your mom dropped you off at home after breakfast because she had to go to her first day at her new job.

You decided to walk down to that little park you saw on your drive around the town. You put in your earbuds and started walking. It took a little while for you to find it but you did eventually. When you arrived you saw that there was another person there. They were sitting on the swingset. You decided to walk around the block to try and avoid human contact at all costs. When you looped back around to the park you saw the tall figure still sitting on a swing. You were tempted to take another lap around the block but there was a feeling in your gut telling you not to. So you didn’t. You decided to just sit on the farthest swing from the person. You decided to sneak a peek. They had wavy brown hair that reached their shoulders and were wearing all black, just like you. You chuckled to yourself, maybe a little too loudly cause the person turned and looked at you. FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! Why did I have to fucking do that! It wasn’t even that funny!” you thought to yourself. They continued to look at you. “Wow, they’re pretty. WAIT, not the time you idiot! Holy shit what do I do? Should I say something?! I should say something. Right?” before you could even contemplate what to do you felt yourself opening your mouth and saying “Sorry, I just noticed we’re both wearing black and thought it was kinda funny. Anyways, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.”, you awkwardly stuck your hand out for them to shake.

They hesitantly took it and said, “Uh, I’m Connor, nice to meet you too.” You swore you died right then and there, you could not believe your ears. The two of you just realized what happened and said “Holy shit” in perfect unison.

“HOLY SHIT!” you squealed. You ran over to Connor and gave him a gigantic hug, you could tell you scared him with this sudden physical contact but eventually hugged back just as tight as you. At some point, you had started crying out of pure happiness because OH MY GOSH you just met your soulmate! The two of you eventually pulled apart and you just looked at him and soaked in his beauty. You noticed that half of his left eye was a rich dark brown while the other half and eye were a light blue. You noticed how angular his face was and how nice his lips were.

“Soooooo,” he said in a very dragged out manner. “What do we do now?”

“I don’t know I’ve never met my soulmate before,” you say, hoping to lighten the tension. “I guess get to know each other if that’s cool with you.”

“Yeah sounds good. What do you want to know?”

“Why have I never seen you before?”

“I just moved here a couple of days ago with my parents. My dad got a good job opportunity at some law firm around here so we moved.”

“Wait is your last name L/N?”

“Yeah? How’d you know?” you asked, suddenly growing very aware of the fact you and Connor were alone in the park.

“Holy Shit, calm the fuck down. I’m not a creep I swear,” he said getting kind of angry with you, you guessed your internal freakout was showing on the outside. “My dad works at that law firm and mentioned something about a new hire.”

“Oh okay. Sorry for freaking out dude. It was just kinda weird that someone I just met knew my last name regardless if we were soulmates or not.” you said in a very sincere manner, you really didn’t want to mess up your relationship in the very beginning.

“It's all good, don't worry about it,” he says, tension leaving his body. “My last name is Murphy if you were wondering.”

“Well nice to finally meet you, Connor Murphy.”

“Nice to finally meet you too Y/N L/N.”

You and Connor sat in the park until dusk just talking about anything and everything. He told you about his family and how school was hell for him and you told him how anxious you felt moving here. Maybe it was because you were soulmates but the two of you just felt so comfortable around each other already. Before you left he gave you his phone number and you gave him a promise to text him. On the walk home, you felt as if you were walking on air. You quickly whipped out your phone and texted Quinn telling them all about Connor. They let you rant over text about him for most of your walk home, they were so happy for you. You decided to text Connor before you went into your house. As you were walking in the front door he texted you back and you had a gigantic dopey grin on your face. Your parents stopped talking as you walked into the living room, your mom asked, “What’s got you so happy?”

“Oh nothing,” you said over dramatically. “Just met my soulmate that’s all. No biggie,” you said shrugging your shoulders and biting your lip in an attempt to hold back your smile.

“Oh my gosh honey!” your mother said practically jumping over the couch to reach you. “When? How? Where? What does he look like?” she asked, barely breathing while doing so. You wanted to keep them in suspense for a little bit but decided against it as you didn’t want your mother bursting a blood vessel.

“Earlier today. After you dropped me off and went to work I decided to walk to that little park not that far from here and that's where I met him,” you said suddenly feeling shy about the whole thing, you weren't a fan of being bombarded with all these questions from your mother. Once you satisfied your mom with adequate answers you went up to your room and continued to text Connor. The two of you were planning your first date, well more like Connor was planning your first date because you didn’t know anything to do. Connor suggested getting dinner and seeing a movie in the town next to yours and you thought that was a lovely idea. The date was set for Saturday which was still a few days away from now lucky for you because it meant you had a couple of days to figure out your outfit and get advice from Quinn. You and Connor were texting for hours before you looked at the clock on your nightstand and realized that it was four in the morning, you bid Connor goodnight and went to bed with a stupid grin on your face.

When you woke up you immediately texted Quinn to tell them about your plans for this weekend. They were so happy for you and they agreed to help you pick out an outfit. You were on facetime for hours modeling different outfit choices before you picked one, it was casual but still looked like you were making an effort. Once the outfit situation was figured out you started talking about the actual date, you started freaking out a little bit because ‘oh my god’ what if he didn’t like you but Quinn was quick to reassure you that he was literally your soulmate and you two were meant to be together. You spent the next few days texting Connor and waiting for Saturday.

Finally, after much anticipation, Saturday arrived! You could barely sleep the previous night you were so excited. It was like the night before going on a big field trip in elementary school, you had your clothes laid out and made sure literally everything was perfect. You woke up early to get ready, you showered, did a face mask and painted your nails to kill time while waiting for Connor to pick you up. Once the time that was decided upon rolled around you saw a black truck pull up in front of your house. You didn’t even need the text saying he was here to know that it was Connor’s. You said goodbye to your parents and practically ran out to Connor’s truck. Once you reached it Connor told you to wait while he got out and opened the door for you with a blush on his face. He quickly went around to the driver's side and got in, he reached into the back seat and pulled out flowers which you found very sweet. “Ah so chivalry isn’t dead,” you said while laughing lightly.

“No it isn’t,” he said while smiling. The drive over was filled with the sound of a playlist Connor made, conversation was scarce as both of you were scared to mess this up. You pulled up to the restaurant and Connor quickly got out and opened the door for you again. You thanked him and fixed your disheveled outfit. The restaurant was a nice little diner with an ice cream place attached to it when you walked in Connor got the two of you a booth. The booth was in the back corner of the restaurant, the seats were a little worn down but still comfortable. Once the two of you got settled in, a nice middle-aged woman came over and got your drink orders, you guys looked over your menus and silently decided what you were going to get to eat. You decided you had enough of this awkward silence and started a conversation.

“Soooo, how was your day Connor?”

After that, the ice was broken and conversation between you two came naturally. You talked about things such as your favorite TV shows, movies, and books. The service was fast and soon after placing your order the food came and it was pretty good. Once your waitress dropped off the check at your booth Connor insisted on paying much to your dismay, after that two of you got some ice cream before heading to the movie theatre. This time Connor let you have the AUX Cord and you played some stuff from your favorite artist, he had only heard a couple of their songs so he asked you about them which resulted in you rambling about them for almost the entire 15-minute car ride to the movie theatre. Once you were done you had realized how long you’d been talking and started apologizing and blushing immensely. Connor only laughed and told you it was fine with a huge smile on his face, what he didn’t tell you is that he found it extremely cute. Once you arrived at the theatre you bought your tickets and headed in. Although you two just ate dinner you decide to get some stuff from the snack bar. After getting your snacks you found your theatre and settled into the somewhat uncomfy seats just in time for the previews to start. Neither of you were particularly interested in the movie but you still watched it nonetheless. About halfway through the movie Connor “smoothly” put his arm around your shoulders and you leaned your head into him. Now neither of you wanted the movie to end now but alas it had to, on your way out you grabbed Connor’s hand and didn’t let go until you had to to be able to get in the car but once you clicked your seat belts Connor reached across the center console and put his hand out for you to hold if you wanted to, and you wanted to. On the way home you talked about the movie then somehow you got on the topic of soulmate tattoos.

“Do you know how insane I went going out of my way to introduce myself to every single person named Connor?” you say while laughing. “I literally introduced myself to every single one of them in my old town and even the surrounding counties!”

“I’m sorry my parents named me something so basic I’ll be sure to scold them for it,” he says while pretending to be serious.

“I think I’ll have to fight them when I meet them!” you say still laughing. This is what cracks him and he begins to laugh with you.

“Oh my god please do!” he says with a gigantic smile on his face.

After that, the two of you calm down but still have dumb grins on your faces.

“How did you feel walking around with the stupid thing I said to you on your wrist for seventeen years?”

“It was comforting knowing my soulmate was an emo piece of shit like me,” he says with a grin.

“Hey! I’m not emo! I just happen to like the color black,” you say pouting.

“Okay whatever helps you sleep at night sunshine,” he says with an overdramatic eye roll. After that, the two of you fell into a comfortable silence which was nothing like the one on the ride over. Sooner than you would’ve liked Connor pulled up in front of your house.

“Here we are”

“Yup,” you say, not wanting to get out just yet. “Thank you for tonight I had a really amazing time.”

“Of course,” he says, turning to look at you. Once he does so a small smile appears on his pretty face. You decided this would be a good note to leave on, you reluctantly let go of his hand and began to collect your things. You look at Connor and don’t know what possesses you but you give him a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?” you ask, your cheeks on fire from what you had just done.

“Mhm, sounds good,” he says, barely above a whisper. Face beat red, he puts his hand up to the place you had just kissed. “Good night Y/N.”

“Good night Connor,” you say while opening the door of his truck. You shut the door and smile at him and walk up to your front door. You wave at him to let him know you got in okay and as a final goodbye for the night. Your parents were out for the night so you didn’t have to deal with your mom’s bombardment of questions about the date until breakfast the following morning. You went upstairs and changed into your pajamas, still smiling. You texted Quinn and let them know how perfect the date went, making sure to let them know every single detail. That night you dreamed of Connor, your future together and how happy you were to meet him.

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