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auspicious-manner · 11 months

Note

welcome back! just some simple domestic fluff with mike faist and famous reader! get to this whenever you feel like it! lots of love<3

thank you for the kindness! <3

i’ve missed writing for mike! also have you guys seen the new challengers trailer AHHHHH IM SO EXCITED IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!! i have a few challengers themed mike stories in my inbox/drafts, so expect those somewhat soon ;)

also it’s been a long time since i’ve written a fluff fic, so sorry if this sucks lol

fem reader x mike faist

warnings: anxiety and mentions of depression

Worthy

•

you loved nearly everything about your life. being an actress, singer, and now a writer has given you more confidence than anything else.

you started as an actress. ever since you were little, you would put on shows for your entire family with costumes and scripts. they weren’t simple either; you would perform full dramatic monologues, emotional scenes, and romantic moments with your stuffed animals. your mom didn’t have to hesitate putting you into acting classes.

into your teen years, you booked commercials and small roles in children’s shows. then, right when you turned eighteen, you got your big break when you gained a major role in a movie alongside some of hollywood’s biggest stars, directed by none other than steven spielberg.

from there, business offers and acting gigs flew in. everything seemed to be happening all at once. it was all so overwhelming. but fame is what you wanted, right?

that’s what you thought, at least. as a child, you glamorized the picturesque hollywood starlight life. you wanted everything from the glitz to the glam. you didn’t realize that being famous came with this sense of dread that one wrong move could end your entire career. you felt unworthy of being in the spotlight all the time. so, in order to keep those intrusive thoughts from rearing their ugly heads, you kept so busy that not even a single thought could even cross your mind.

you knew you could sing, and you began writing songs and releasing music. you even went on a north american tour. then, when the tour slowed down, you wrote a novel. you kept so busy that you lost track of who you really were. what you felt you were meant to do.

sure, you had success and had more connections and fans than anyone could dream of. but what did it matter when you felt so alone?

you began closing yourself off. the limelight was making you anxious, and you couldn’t bring yourself to be seen in public in the state you were in. it all felt so hopeless. you considered living of the grid and going incognito in order to escape the expectations placed on you. for months, you stayed as hidden as possible, and it only made things worse.

being a long time friend of steven spielberg at this point, he sent you a personal invite to the premiere his new film west side story. you almost threw the invite in the trash. the thought of going out on a red carpet again and seeing all of these faces with bright, flashing cameras was out of the equation for you. yet, you missed the feeling of being dolled up. you missed feeling pretty.

when the big night came, seeing yourself in the dress that you had picked out didn’t feel real. you felt like you and not you all at the same time. your mind was conflicted; you knew the glam of hollywood was what made you happy, but since it had been so long since you have felt that way, you felt oddly out of body.

it was a long, off white dress with a leg slit and a completely open back. the dress had sleeves that stopped just below your shoulders, and it hugged your body tightly but not uncomfortably. your wavy hair fell onto your shoulders neatly in a half up half down, your curtain bangs framing your face. for the makeup, you tried to keep it relatively natural, and you didn’t want to draw too many eyes. you paired the look with some heels and a purse.

looking in the mirror, you tried your hardest to feel positive. you looked beautiful, you felt beautiful, yet something still felt wrong. maybe it was because you had no one by your side if you got anxious. as far as you knew, you would know one person there.

the car sent to pick you up took you on a ride through new york as your heart rate quickened. when you arrived at the scene, the bright lights and red carpet gave you chills.

after walking into the crowd, it didn’t take long to find steven. he pulled you aside into a fatherly hug. it felt good to be near someone as familiar as him.

“Y/N, long time no see!” he said excitedly as you hugged him.

“it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” you replied, pulling away.

“what have you been up to? knowing you, i’m sure it’s something great!”

you smiled, trying to create a facade. “oh, you know, a little bit of this and a little bit of that,” you said while nervously laughing. you couldn’t tell steven spielberg that you’ve been in a slump and that the most productive part of your day is waking up and making something to eat.

“i’m excited to see whatever you have up your sleeve,” he said, going to your side and taking your arm. “now, there’s someone i’d like you to meet.”

he guided you through the crowds, and you kept close to him. everything was becoming overwhelming.

you approached a man with his back turned to you. “Y/N, meet mike faist. you two could have a lot to talk about.”

the man turned around, and the first thing you noticed about him was that his eyes seemed to be glowing. they were brighter and bluer than anything you’d ever seen. they were absolutely stunning. upon further inspection, you realized that you recognized him from the posters for the movie, and knew he was playing riff.

he smiled at you, almost as enthralled with you as you were with him. he held out a hand, and you took it gently to shake it. you hoped he didn’t feel the sweat building on your palms. “Y/N L/N, it’s lovely to meet you.”

you grew flustered. “how’d you know my last name?”

mike looked taken aback. “doesn’t everyone?” your smile fell slightly, and mike noticed. “i’m a big fan of your work. your songs, your movies, and i recently started reading your book too. you’re amazing at everything you do.”

steven patted your shoulder before walking away, leaving you with mike. mike had a presence about him that made you feel welcomed and seen. it’s been a while since you felt that way.

“so, mike, what else have you been in?” you asked, wanting to know more about his work. he knew so much about yours, and you felt a little embarrassed that you didn’t know more about him.

he smiled and looked down. “i was a newsie in newsies on broadway, and i covered jack kelly. i played connor murphy in dear evan hansen on broadway, i was in a tv show called panic, and a lot of other stage and film work.”

you nodded, squinting your eyes slightly. “you know, i’ve seen both of those shows on broadway, and i didn’t realize until just now that that was you.”

he laughed. “am i not memorable?”

you giggled in return. “i don’t think it’s that. i just think i’m missing a little part of my brain.”

you and mike continued to talk about your respective careers. you noticed that he was so easy to talk to, and that he listened to and hung onto every word that you would say. it gave you butterflies, and you wondered what was wrong with you.

sadly, you remembered you’re at mike’s movie premiere and he had to do interviews and talk to other people besides you. you could tell he wanted to stay with you, but knew he had other obligations. before he left, he said, “we’ll see each other again before the night is through.”

you’ve had plenty of men try and charm you, with the efforts always falling flat. you’re no stranger to keeping your feelings under control and learning to not date in hollywood. it was too easy to be played by the wrong guys. but, your heart was telling you something different about mike. he made you more nervous and giddy than anyone else ever had and you barely knew him. you started to forget about the fact that you’ve been a hermit battling with your mental health for the last few months.

you caught up with a few old friends from the industry that you had recognized in the crows before it was time to go to a private screening of the film.

you watched as everyone funneled into seats in the theater next to their plus ones and friends. you stood back, scoping the area for empty seats. you felt frozen as all the seats seemed to fill.

“follow me,” a voice said close to your ear before taking your hand and walking with you down the rows of seats. you noticed it was mike and you smiled to yourself.

he took you close to the screen, but not too close, and sat down with you. you sighed. “thanks for saving me back there, i was getting stressed.”

mike tilted his head. “you’re from around here. you’re used to red carpets and screenings, aren’t you? i didn’t think this would stress out someone as experienced as you.”

he was right, it shouldn’t have stressed you out. you were so used to hiding away for so long that this all felt new to you again like it did when you were eighteen.

mike noticed your expression change, and he turned to you. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said anything. but you’re worrying me a bit, is everything okay?”

you tried to brush it off. “i’m fine now, really. crowds just get me anxious-”

“i’m not just talking about tonight,” mike said, leaning in towards you. “the world has caught onto your unprecedented disappearance from the public eye. that can never mean anything good. are you sure you’re okay?”

you bit your lip, holding back tears. it was one thing to keep everything to yourself and pack it away and never confront what you’re actually going through, but to hear someone else say it put it into perspective for you. you had completely lost track of your vision and goal in life. you had lost track of you.

mike put his hand on your leg comfortingly, taking the silence and the glossy tears hidden in your eyes as a sign that you weren’t okay. the silent support he sent was exactly what you needed in that moment. a stranger was the person you least expected to comfort you.

before you could both think to say anything else, steven appeared at the front of the crowd and gave a speech, followed by the showing of the movie. every time mike appeared on the screen, you got chills. he was amazing. his performance made you hate riff yet feel some kind of empathy for him. that was due to mike’s spellbinding performance.

occasionally, you would feel mike’s eyes glance at you when important scenes came up. it’s almost as if he wanted to see your reaction. he wanted your approval.

then, after two and a half short hours, the movie ended, and the theater erupted in applause. everyone stood on their feet and you did the same, small tears running down your cheeks. you looked at mike, and his smile dropped when he saw you.

“why are you crying?” he asked.

you sniffled. “it was so amazing. you were so amazing.”

mike turned red, and he reached down to envelope you in probably the best hug you’ve ever had. he had the widest grin, and it wasn’t just from the movie.

you and mike traded numbers, and from that night on, you became inseparable.

mike awoke something in you that hadn’t been seen in a long time. he made you feel inspired at motivated and comfortable. you hid yourself away from the world in fear that the public would turn on you, twist your words into something far from the truth. mike dispelled those feelings for you; you felt like yourself again around him.

after the night at the premiere, mike made the first move in wanting to talk to you. you face timed each other for hours each night, staying awake into the early hours of the morning just talking about anything and everything.

you went out for a coffee date a week after the premiere, and it seemed clear to both of you that there was more to be discovered than just a friendship.

as you were walking through central park with mike, keeping your head slightly down as to not attract any unwanted eyes, you boldly brushed your hand against his, letting it linger for a moment. his hand moved away, but creeped back into place when he realized what you were doing. he slowly grazed his finger tips against yours as he walked, and he reached his fingers out and your hand fit neatly into his. you continued to hold hands for the rest of your walk.

when you arrived back at your apartment, you both sat down on the couch, your bodies turned inwards to face each other.

“i feel like i’ve know you my whole life, but its only been a week,” you said quietly, looking into his eyes.

mike smiled lightly. “i’ve never clicked this fast with anyone.”

you both paused, and mike hesitated before he spoke again. “can i ask you a question?”

you nodded, and he went on.

“there’s always been so much speculation about your love life in the media, and dating rumors and whatnot. i don’t like believing anything the media says, but i want to hear it straight from you.”

you smiled to yourself. the media liked to pull things that weren’t actually there and make up stories for fun. you’ve never actually had a real date since you’ve been in the business, let alone a relationship.

“i haven’t found anyone worthy yet.”

mike nodded, scooting closer to you. you could tell he was aiming to put his arm around you, but hesitated to see your reaction. you leaned in, telling him without words that it was okay, and he rested his arm around your shoulder as you laid close to each other. you immediately felt comfortable under his arm.

“i admire you, Y/N. i always have. i like that you know what you want, and that you know yourself. that’s a really great quality to have.”

you blushed, but your happiness faltered. you leaned your head back on his arm. “yeah, i guess. too bad i haven’t felt that way recently.”

mike looked at you, frowning. “why? if you don’t mind me asking.”

you weren’t typically the one to open up quickly to strangers. but mike felt different. he wasn’t going to judge, or make you feel bad about yourself. he was comforting.

“i’ve hid myself away from the world because i’m scared. i’m so insanely scared of messing up and having the whole world turn on me. so, i did the only thing i could think to do. i locked myself away in hopes that it would help,” you giggled nervously. “it didn’t do shit.”

you were smiling at your own misfortune, but mike stayed somber. “i’m sorry, Y/N, that’s awful.”

you shrugged. “yeah, but i did it to myself.”

mike sat up, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. you froze under his touch. “the world needs your brilliance. don’t be afraid, there’s so many people ready to guide you and protect you from anyone trying to take you down. i’m here for you, i promise.”

you bit your lip, unable to say words. mike was so incredibly kind. all you could do was whisper a thank you.

mike put his arm back around you, and you leaned into the couch together. “if there’s anything i can do to help, let me know,” he said quietly.

you leaned your head on his shoulder, looking up at him. “you already have.”

mike smiled, turning red. “you’re cute.”

you felt complete. you hadn’t known mike for that long, but he filled a part of your soul that had been gone for a while. he made you feel liked again when you couldn’t like yourself.

you sat up and looked at him. your faces were only a few inches apart. at the same time, you leaned in, and your lips grazed each other before interlocking. it felt euphoric.

you pulled away, remaining close, and you smiled at each other. “you’re the most talented person i’ve ever met,” you whispered to him.

mike lightly placed his hand under your chin. “that means a lot coming from you. i love everything you do.”

you leaned in again, feeling your old self coming back again. you felt renewed. mike made you feel like the star you are again.

you rested your forehead on his. “thank you.”

mike tilted his head slightly. “for what?”

“for making me feel worthy again.”

mike smiled lightly, then gave you a short but sweet kiss. “never forget that you’re beautiful and wanted.”

a small tear escaped your eye. mike was everything you needed. you almost felt in denial that someone like him could be making you feel this way because you were so used to men not valuing you. you were moving fast with mike, but it felt right. you were never one to believe in love at first sight, but this was pretty damn close.

you leaned into his side again, and his hand rested on the back of your head. you could get used to this.

#mike faist #mike faist x reader #mike faist fanfiction #mike faist imagine #riff #mike faist riff

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sxtvrns · 1 year

Text

to reunite and resolve

🎶 now playing: don’t grow up too fast - grentperez

P: Connor Murphy x Fem!Reader

S: You were the one of the only people he called a friend. He wanted to call you more than that.

W: mentions of drug use, smoking, anxiety, cursing, sexual content, spoilers, short

N: Basing this off of Mike Faist’s Connor Murphy, because his version of Connor the one I envisioned while writing this. Some information is taken from the book adaptation of the musical. In the book, Connor explains that he is some form of LGBTQ+, yet it is never specified; hints of this are being used in this fic. this is super short and kinda shit LMAO

please interact if you enjoy!

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When he first threw that printer in second grade, you were the first thing he saw out of the corner of his eye. Everyone… well, almost everyone, looked at him in horror, screams so loud they could be heard from down the hall, besides Jared Kleinman, who said that the whole facade was so cool.

Some kids ran, some kids took cover, but you stood there with your mouth hanging open, gaze switching between Mrs. G and Connor. And to think the only reason for this was because he didn’t get to be line leader that day.

He couldn’t tell what you thought of him after that. There wasn’t a single thought behind your face that could determine whether you thought he was cool or you thought he was insane. But he resorted to the worst— you thinking he was a crazy maniac who had a breakdown only because he didn’t get what he wanted that day.

But no, that wasn’t the case. He sat down under a tree during recess one day, and you just so happened to be lurking on the other side of it. You peeked out, looking at the book he was reading. “Is that The Little Prince?” You ask, startling him. “Yeah. Why?”

“It was a bit sad, but I liked it. Which part are you on?”

“The part where he dies.”

Awkward.

“I’ve read this book 5 times.”

“So it’s your favourite?” He shrugs. “One of them.” You sit down next to him, eyes skimming over the words on the page. “I don’t like Mrs. G very much. She always finds something wrong in my work and points it out to the class,” you start, staring at Mrs. G who’s talking to a teacher far across the playground. “I don’t think you should do it again, but I thought that was cool.”

“What was cool?”

“When you threw that printer. Was it heavy?” He shakes his head. “You’re strong! That’s even cooler!”

He shuts his book with a quiet thump. “Shouldn’t you be talking to Lily over there? Or… Jane?” You shrug. “I don’t really have a group of friends. I talk to them and we’re friendly with each other, but… they don’t like the things I like. I don’t know– it seems like on some days they don’t like me and then other days they do. Maybe I’m just scared of that.”

“You’re lucky the printer didn’t hit Mrs. G. You’re even luckier you didn’t get in big trouble. I think that you were angry and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” He’s surprised by how well you manage to read him. He didn’t even know how he felt himself. It was an overwhelming feeling of rage that any six year old would have when things didn’t go their way, just that he approached it in a way that no one would believe a six year old would be able to do.

“Do you wanna see the books I’m reading later? You can borrow them if you’d like.” Connor looks at you and that stupid hopeful expression on your face, reluctantly nodding. He wasn’t one to turn down a read. He’d gotten sick of the rose hunting prince anyways.

Most kids in your class would rather go for the toys and playmat while the library picked up dust. Connor watched you every time you went to the little library in your room to pick up a book, always leaning over to see what you were reading. You seemed like one of the only avid readers in your class, not dozing off or merely flipping pages for convenience during silent reading. You really took your time in absorbing what was on the pages; sometimes he witnessed you even shed a tear.

From there, the two of you became good friends. Every partner project, you two would pair up. Every gym class, you’d be on the same team. If anything involved pairs, it would always be the two of you together, to the point where people started joking that you two were dating. Of course, you always brushed it off, but Connor seemed to think otherwise.

At the time, he couldn’t put his finger on what exactly he felt about you. He felt safe, happy, content. He also felt compassionate, open, and endearing. But years later, only when he went to Hanover and was in his first relationship, dealing with a multitude of emotional troubles, was when he realized what those feelings were.

Connor’s head rested on Miguel’s chest as he exhaled a puff of smoke. “She read a lot, sometimes I went over to her place, she always stayed by my side even thought she was made fun of, we’d trade lunches–“ He’s cut off by the sound of his friend chuckling. “Wow, you must’ve really liked her.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, I don’t think I’ve heard any guy in our entire school talk about a girl… not sexually.”

“That’s because we were in elementary. I wasn’t perverted.”

“Still, you blabber about her with such purity. Like a girl you really did love, even if you only were in the seventh grade. She seems nice. If you ever find her again, you should introduce her to me.” In the words that Miguel put it in, he was finally able to understand why he got so much more nervous around you. Why he’d scold himself for doing something moronic in front of you, unless that something made you laugh; he’d let out an internal sigh of relief.

Why he tended to defend you if someone teased you. Why he’d freeze up when your arm would brush against his. Why he’d always overthink about what you thought of him, knowing that you’d never leave his side. Instead, he left yours. He could see the hurt in your eyes after he told you he was moving schools and it almost made him want to stay just for you.

But knowing his parents, they wouldn’t understand why he’d change his mind so last minute.

Sometimes he didn’t understand why you stayed by his side. He knew you were somewhat of a fragile person, but watched you desensitize to those comments over the years.

Connor feels guilty talking about an old undetermined crush with a boy he was on indefinite terms with, but Miguel didn’t seem to mind. “I guess I did like her.” He squeezes Miguel’s hand, suddenly overwhelmed with disappointment. “And now I’ll never be able to see her again.”

“Didn’t you say you went to her place for projects and stuff? Couldn’t you pay her a visit?”

“What if she moved?”

Miguel scoffs. “Highly doubt it. What comes here, stays here.”

The suggestion played on loop in Connor’s head every day, even contemplating actually paying a visit. Yet he never owned up to it, until he was expelled and moved to a new school. Again.

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You rest your head on the desk, ignoring the homework reminders being given to the class. You stare blankly at the teacher through your hair, another boy coming into view that you hadn’t seen before.

His hair was brown, curly, and nearly reached his shoulders. He had defining cheekbones and painted nails, dark clothes and a messenger bag. A new student. A new student that you couldn’t help but think looked familiar to you, until you heard his name.

Connor Murphy.

He sat down in front of you, putting his bag to the side and kicking it under his desk. You wanted to talk to him, but it seemed like he didn’t recognize you either. Was it really him? The Connor Murphy who you sat under trees with, reading books and arguing about your favourite characters? The Connor Murphy who barely passed 4th grade?

“Connor…” You mutter a bit too loud, his head turned to side eye you. “What?” He replies, almost aggressively, his stare dark and hardening. You couldn’t believe it was him. But really, how many other Connor Murphy’s could there be in suburban New York?

He begins to turn away until you begin speaking. “Do you still read The Little Prince?” This time, he fully turns to you, eyes wide and no longer dull. “How many times have you read it since I’ve talked to you under that tree?” You smile, and Connor swears his heart stops. Out of pure shock, not attraction.

“Y/N?” He asks, and you nod, his face lighting up with a small smile. “Holy shit…” He sighs, his reaction making you giggle.

You’ve changed. You stopped tying your hair up, you gained a pair of dark circles, and he could just feel maturity radiating from you somehow. At least, you were more mature than he was.

“Um, I don’t really have anyone to hang out with during lunch. Do you wanna catch up then?” You offer, his head tilting. “Why not now? Instead of working on that project of yours.” Your face drops. “There’s a project?” What project was he talking about? Was it– oh, it was the role model one. You finished it already.

“Lucky you don’t have to do it. If we present, we get extra credit. I’m not up for humiliation though.” He turns around fully, and your eyes are drawn to his hands, slim and a bit veiny. He adorned a bracelet and his nail polish was black. He played with his fingers almost nervously, his hands on your desk. “What have you been up to?”

“I picked up guitar. Um, I do some vocal stuff outside of school.”

“Like performances?”

You nod. “Different genres. Jazz, pop, R&B… I’m in a few groups.” He nods. “I didn’t know you could sing.”

“I never showed off when we were younger. I’ve been taking lessons for a while.”

“Maybe you could show me later. Y’know, outside of school.” He quips with a hoping smile. “Are you flirting with me, Murphy?” You ask, leaning forward slightly, his eyes moving from your chest back to your eyes. “Maybe.” You scoff, shoving away his face. “You’re a pervert now?” You laugh, but his smile slowly begins to disappear.

“Oh, I was joking, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that– I mean, no one’s perverted to their childhood best friend right?” You awkwardly laugh while he sighs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to look at you like that.”

“Like what?”

“Y/N, I was staring at your boobs.”

“Like a pervert?”

“For fuck’s sake, L/N, I am not a pervert.”

“Never said you were.”

You were provoking him. If it was another person doing the same thing, he’d have their head. Thrown something at them or given them a black eye. With you, it was all natural humour and jokes. He could brush it off without the need for bruising. The worst part was that you didn’t know you were aggravating him, with your cheeky smile and mischievous gaze.

Later that day, during lunch, you catch Connor off guard, leaning against a tree in the back of the school grounds where no one was, blowing out smoke. He tended to find solace in places where it was quiet and mostly alone. In high school, it was hard to find that kind of privacy, so you thought he’d be away and in the back where no one hung out, besides the drug dealers and porn magazine sellers.

“You smoke now?” You ask, him inhaling and letting out another puff. “I started a while ago. Keeps me sane.” He pulls it away from his mouth, contemplating. “I was gonna offer you some but, you sing now. I guess that comes in conflict.” How sweet of him to be so considerate. “Yeah. Wouldn’t wanna try it either way.”

You pause for a moment, watching him discard the joint. “How was Hanover?” You ask, a rush of memories overwhelming him all at once. “It was a fresh start. I liked it. I, um, made out with a dude? I don’t know, it was complicated.” You certainly didn’t expect that. “You had a boyfriend, then?”

“I dunno, we never specified on it. Complicated relationship.”

“How about girlfriends?” You hear him scoff. “You really think a guy that went to an all boys school would find a girlfriend?” You shrug, standing beside him. “I thought it was common for all boys and all girls schools to collaborate or host events together.”

“I don’t know if there were any collaborating events. I always skipped. Speaking of skipping, would you like to join me on a trip to Burger King instead of going to fifth and sixth?” You shouldn’t be surprised he’s skipping classes. He always joked about doing so in elementary, yet it never crossed your mind to contemplate if he was actually going to do so. “Unlike you, I actually care about my grades. You can come over if you’d like.”

“After years you still expect me to know the address?” He jokes. “I haven’t moved. I’ll text you.” You pull out your phone, opening your contacts app and letting him type in his number. He set his contact name as ‘C’, with a cigarette emoji next to it. “If you ever call me and that name pops up on my phone while I’m with my dad, he is going to kill me. Thinking I have a dealer or something.”

“Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me.”

You text him the address, not seeing him for the rest of the school day. He frequently skipped classes, except for the classes you two had together. He came over many times, your dad eventually meeting him when he wasn’t rushing out the door for work.

Only… one particular visit caused something to happen with reasons unknown.

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You open the window, lighting some scented candles you found in the closet. Connor looked at his joint, inspecting it carefully, instead tossing it somewhere in his bag rather than lighting it, laying face up on your bed with a sigh.

The first time he was in your room, the first thing he asked was:

“Why the fuck is there sheet music everywhere?”

Which surprised you at first, mostly because you didn’t think he’d know what it was in the first place. He’d always smoke, mostly out the window, and you’d drench your room in air freshener afterwards so your dad wouldn’t know.

Connor was a very touchy person, especially when he was high. Sometimes he’d rest his head on your shoulder, his breath smelling of weed. Or on your lap, where his hair sometimes got trapped between your thighs. A hand on your leg, or on your thigh. You didn’t think of it at first, because it was Connor.

Though he took touchy to an extreme one day.

“Have you kissed anyone yet? Y’know, while I haven’t seen you.” You look up at him from your paper, amused. “Why are you asking?” He shakes his head, turning over and looking at you. “Oh, no, just wondering. So is that a no?” You sigh with a silent laugh. “No, I haven’t kissed anyone, Connor.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“So you’re a virgin, then?”

“Connor, where is this coming from?”

“Do you know about the jocks constantly rambling about all the girls they have sex with?” He ignores your question with another question. “Yeah. It’s fucking annoying.” You scoff with a breathy laugh, taking a sip from your bottle. “You know they talk about you, right?”

You nearly spit out your water, saving the drops that fall from your mouth from falling onto your shorts. “Excuse me?” You say after swallowing. “Yeah. It’s all, ‘Bet 10 bucks I can bang her’ while they point at you. Or they go, ‘Jesus, wonder how much she can take’.”

“So I’m being objectified?” He nods slowly, looking up at you through his messy hair. “Unfortunately, yes. Want me to do something?”

“If it results in you getting suspended, no.”

“You sure? Those guys are dicks.”

“They’ll never believe us without any proof. And your reputation is bad enough already. I don’t want you to fall any more because of me.”

“Y/N, I’ll do anything for you.”

Those words make you pause and reflect. Was he high? No, because he tossed his joint in his bag anywhere. Even then, Connor would never say that for anyone. It seemed so out of character for him that you almost laughed.

“Are you high?”

“What?”

“I know damn well you wouldn’t do anything for anyone.”

“Y/N, I’m serious.” His gaze is stern, dark, and hard but also eager, glossy and hopeful. “I don’t know, maybe it is the weed I smoked twelve hours ago, but you’re really pretty. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to become friends with someone like you.”

“Someone like me?”

“Someone so pretty that doesn’t give a fuck about the fact I do drugs or the shit I’m dealing with. I really like you, Y/N. Always have. You didn’t single me out, you never left my side— you’re the one person in my fucked up life that makes me feel like I belong. That I matter.” Your childhood best friend, who’s now sitting up with a hand on your thigh, just confessed his undying love to you.

And you had to admit, the more you two started to hang out and reconnect, the more you started to develop something of an attraction to him. He never smiled at anyone but you, he didn’t push you away or glare at you; it was like he had a soft spot just for you, and it made you like him even more.

“I hope you aren’t gonna fuck me over. Y’know, if you don’t like me back.” His finger traces patterns on your thigh, the way his hand unknowingly rides up making your brain go haywire. “I’m… I, uh– I’m not.” He looks at you, for some reason, disappointed. “Should’ve known you didn’t. Forget this ever happened, then.”

“No, no! I like you! I really do like you, Connor. You’re charming and handsome and…” You hear him huff out a laugh, his face closing in on yours. “I know no one else thinks of me like that but you. You’re obsessed with me.”

“Could say the same for you, Murphy.”

His head tilts, his nose touching yours. “Wanna kiss you.” He mutters. You simply nod, inviting. “Okay.” You reply. He presses his lips to yours, feeling full and complete the moment you two meet. He can sense your confusion at first, but you managed to learn how to move with him quickly. Perks of being a fast learner.

He hovers on top of you on your bed, admiring you when he pulls away. His eyes shamelessly trail down from your face, to your chest, your stomach, your legs, his face cupped in your hands and pulling him towards you to kiss him again.

His tongue slipped into your mouth, the mood instantly erotic.

His hands are all over you. The back of your head, your shoulders, your waist, your hips, your thighs; he placed them wherever he could push you closer to him. When his mouth follows his hands to descend to your neck, you let out a soft whimper, panicking when you barely catch sight of the door.

“W-Wait.” You pant, nudging Connor for him to move to the side. You scramble off your bed, closing the window and the curtain and turning off the lights, going for the doorknob. “Thought you said your dad wasn’t home.” Connor says as you lock the door. “Never know when he will be.”

When you join him on the bed, his hands at the hem of your shirt, you stop him with a touch on his wrist. “Um, I don’t…”

“Oh, shit, did I go too far? I’m sorry–“

“No, no! I want it, I really do, but… you know...” He realized how nervous you were, remembering you haven’t done anything like this before. He gives you a gentle kiss on your forehead, tucking your hair behind your ear. “You know I have. You trust me?” He asks, giving you doe eyes you’ve never seen before. You nod, emitting a chuckle from him. “Let me take care of you then.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Sex was one thing. Having sex with your best friend is another.

It’s either your dad stayed at work all night or he’s in grave danger, given you haven’t heard him scream out of pure horror, then yell at you first thing in the morning. You woke up unbothered, naked, and held by your best friend. Unless this whole thing changed your relationship.

Were you even friends anymore? Was this a friends with benefits thing now? But he practically confessed to you yesterday, unless he was high. But he didn’t smoke anything, and the room doesn’t smell that bad…

One thing is for sure: Connor Murphy knows how to fuck.

Maybe it was the fact that you were a complete virgin or that you did whatever he asked you to, but you swear you could still feel how you felt last night when he was in you.

Your head rests on his arm, wrapping around you and holding you close to him. The ends of his hair touch your own head, and you blow them out of the way. You can feel him move, and he groans, meaning you woke him up. You lean into him more, feeling his fingers lightly brush your side. You feel his head turn, his hair moving from your head.

“Hi.” He says, peering down at you. You look up at him, noticing his gaze. “Hi.”

He plants a kiss on your forehead, his fingers moving to brush through your hair. “I think I passed out after.” You say, hearing him chuckle. “You did. When I came back to clean up, you were nearly snoring.”

“Oh god, I snore?”

“Loudly.”

He notices you going silent, immediately worried. “I was just joking! Well, kind of, you snore, but not loudly. Not like a dad snore.” You giggle into the side of his arm, followed by a brief moment of silence. “What are we now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think friends confess their undying love for each other and tie it off with sex.”

He pauses, hearing quiet hums come from his mouth. “Can I be your boyfriend, then?” He feels you nod against his arm while you hum in response. “Yeah.” You get out from under the covers, going to stand up until a brief pain shoots up your legs.

Memories of the night before suddenly come rushing in. “Fuck those jocks, I’m the only one who can see you like this.” He said, after making a mess of you with only his fingers.

He really fucked you good last night.

You curse under your breath, legs weak as you stare at the scattered clothes on the ground, tossing your own into the laundry basket by your door. You grab a new change, turning around and noticing Connor staring at you the whole time, an expression you can’t make out.

“I was that good? Your legs are shaking.” You roll your eyes and throw his shirt at him after putting on a pair of shorts. “Shut up. A real boyfriend would help me and not make fun of me.” He fake pouts, getting out of bed and putting on his own clothes.

You turn on the TV downstairs, the morning news playing and showing the date as Friday.

Friday.

Shit.

You’re beyond late.

“Turns out there was a gas leak so there’s no school. That works out great for us.” Connor says as if he could read your mind. You hear the garage door open, meaning your dad had just come home from work. He enters the room, seeing both of you standing by the kitchen counter.

“Shouldn’t you two be at school?” Is the first thing your dad says, eyeing both of you. “Cancelled. Gas leak.” You feel Connor’s hand rest at your hip, wanting to swat it away but knowing your dad already saw it just by the look on his face. “Did he use protection? I know you’re on those pills, but–“

“Oh my god, yes, he did, look– can we talk about this later?” Your dad shrugs and nods before heading for the stairs, hearing Connor laugh beside you. “How did he know?” You panic, placing toast on both your plates. “Maybe he saw your legs shaking from there.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

You glare at him, giving him a brief kiss before bringing both your plates to the table. He quite literally does as you say, keeping quiet the entire time he eats his breakfast.

You should do that more often.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You knew that Connor was a very mischievous person. He always has been.

He’d skip classes, casually threaten people as if it were nothing, smoke weed; he nearly flushed firecrackers down a toilet once. He didn’t go through with it because you told him not to.

He was also mischievous in terms of your relationship.

He let you leave hickeys wherever you saw fit, in places visible and invisible. You were more wary of it. He showed them off proudly; well, not really proudly, he just didn’t mind if people saw or stared at him with hanging jaws. He couldn’t be bothered to cover them— the only time he did care was when his family would point them out.

He’d sneak out and go to your place frequently; he always preferred your house over his, mostly because he felt like he had a parent he could actually tolerate (and love). If your dad were to ever barge in, he’d stare at Connor, then at you, then at Connor’s bag, and ask if he had protection before leaving and closing the door. Connor always said yes.

It was also a convenient reminder for you to lock your door anytime Connor was in your room, since most of the time nights would always end in sex.

You fumbled for your keys to unlock the front door, Connor’s lips on yours when you stumbled inside. You didn’t notice a bunch of men in the living room, including your dad, holding beer bottles and staring at you until you saw them out of the corner of your eye. “Welcome back. How was the party?” Your dad asks, as if he didn’t see the escapade between you and your boyfriend.

“It was shhh– It sucked. Yeah. It sucked. Hi.” You mutter the last part, eyes quickly dashing over everyone who’s attention is taken away from the game on the TV. “Um, we’re just gonna… yeah.” You drag Connor with you out of their sight and upstairs.

“Does he have–“

“Yes!”

You slam your door shut, locking it, seeing Connor visibly nervous. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Was the party too much?”

“A little bit. And then… your dad’s friends just staring at us. I don’t know– anxiety? This is a stupid thing to be worried about.” You sit down next to him, hugging him while rubbing his back. “Don’t worry about them, okay? They’ve probably done the same when they were younger.”

You feel him sigh into your shoulder, his voice muffled.

“Thank you.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

don’t grow up too fast. don’t leave me in the past. as long as you never change who you are, i know in your heart i’m never far. 🎧

#connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen musical #mike faist #fanfiction

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lemon-boy-stan · 3 years

Text

love hearts - mike faist

GENRE: fluff. WARNINGS: none. SUMMARY: the reader eats love heart sweets when she’s nervous. PAIRING: mike faist x (fem!) reader. REQUESTED: no. TYPE: oneshot.

You weren't one for carnival rides. But seeing as Laura had forced you to come along with everyone else, you couldn't really back out of it.

“Hey,” Mike turned to you, “what's up?” you blinked, making him chuckle. “Nothing.”

Mike rolled his eyes. “You know, out of all the things this musical should've taught you you still lie right to my face about how you're feeling,”

You huffed and sighed, “I’m just -” he walked over to join you in front of the mirror, “I’m just scared of heights.”

That was definitely not the response that Mike had expected.

“Oh,” was what he could think to say, half surprised and relieved (for both of your sakes) that it was a light-hearted topic.

“Well,” he improvised, “you can hold my hand the whole way and do whatever you have to do on the rides and I promise I won’t get embarrassed, okay?”

“You never get embarrassed because of me,” now you were the one rolling your eyes and Mike gave a soft smile. “Thank you,” you added, “but I'm not worried about you. If Will or Laura pressures me into going on something -”

“Baby, you know that won't happen, and if it does, I can just tell them now -”

“No, don't,” you whined. Mike chuckled softly. “Okay.” He cocked his head before digging around in his pockets, “I got you these. I was gonna save them for the car but I know you like to suck on them when you're nervous so -”

Love Hearts.

Those fizzy, pastel-coloured circular sweets with the little messages and faces on them.

He was right. You did suck on them whenever you were nervous - which was a lot, seeing as you were diagnosed with social anxiety when you were a kid and didn't seem to grow out of it.

You gave him a grateful smile and he grinned again, unwrapping one of the tubes.

“This one says,” he turned it around in his palm, “‘Kiss me.’” he grinned a third time. “Some of these are so corny and just a little forceful,”

You nodded. “Ahh!,” he poked out his tongue and you rolled your eyes but stuck yours out too and he popped the sweet on it, curling your fingers around the rest of the stack.

You blushed even though he was already your boyfriend and had been for three years.

Mike pecked you on the cheek. “See? I told you they were forceful.”

MASTERLIST - requests for DEH are open

#mike faist #mike faist x reader #mike faist imagine #mike faist smut #mike faist x reader anxiety #mike faist x reader fluff #mike faist angst #deh imagine #mike faist oneshot #mike faist x you #mike faist x reader fluff imagine #mike faist x reader angst #connor murphy #connor murphy smut #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy x reader fluff #connor murphy x reader smut #connor murphy x reader anxiety #connor murphy x reader angst

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coltonthelizard · 7 years

Note

Hey, do you have any Ben Platt x reader with anxiety/depression headcanons?

hello!!!!!

-okay so we know benny boy would be the most understanding and never ever ever make you do anything you don’t want to-like don’t want to go out the stage door? cuddles in the dressing room until everyone leaves!!!! -don’t want to walk with him in public where fans might try to talk to you??? he’s down to split up and meet you wherever you’re going!! -don’t feel like going to the pharmacy or the grocery store or something??? he will get you whatever you need!!!! this boy LOVES you and he wants you to be comfortable all the time-the first time you met the rest of the cast you were panicking because they’re kinda famous?? and he told you that you didn’t have to meet them if you didn’t want to-so he had you talk to them one or two at a time instead of all at once so it wasn’t so scary-if you’re having a bad day he kisses the top of your head like 1000 times -whenever you have a panic attack or just aren’t feeling good about yourself he’ll just put his arms around you and he doesn’t talk unless you want him to but he’ll sing to you real low-or he plays piano for you-in conclusion, he is the best

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luviedovey · 4 years

Text

the you i fell in love with

connor murphy x female!reader

a/n: not me writing a fic about mike faist’s connor murphy 2 years after he left the show...... also Connor is probably ooc

summary: you were Connor’s girlfriend who lived in the next town over, a little over a half hour away. his family didn’t know about you, no one did. he didn’t want his family or anyone he knew to scare you away. in the end, it didn’t really matter. he was gone. when the Connor Project came to be and Evan resigned from being co-president, you ran into him. you questioned him about his “friendship” with Connor and he told you everything.

set after the Murphy’s find out the truth and before the Evan/Zoe reunion at the orchard.

second person pov

warning: a few swear words, also very brief mention of depression and taking your own life, and Larry Murphy kind of being a dick

word count: 5,573

______

“Who are you exactly?” Evan questioned the girl who pulled him off to the side of the supermarket where no one else was around. To say he was a little nervous would be an understatement, he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m so sorry! I probably scared you half to death dragging you along like that.. I just have some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering..?” You smiled at him sheepishly. Something about your awkward smile eased his mind a bit, but not enough. “No, sorry my mom actually is waiting for me by the-” “It’s about Connor!” You interrupted, looking at him through sad, heartbroken eyes. “..Please. Evan Hansen. I know you weren’t really friends with him. I know you weren’t even secret friends with him.. Because if you were, I would’ve known.”

Evan looked around before looking back at you, confused. “Who are you?” He asked for the second time. “I’m- I was Connor’s girlfriend. Y/N L/N. I met him 2 years ago at the apple orchard you guys rebuilt? We both went there because we thought that no one else would be there and that it would be the perfect place to escape. His family and classmates never knew about me because he-” you laugh slightly,” he was afraid they would take me away from him. Or that his family would fight in front of me and he’d lose his cool or that his sister would say nasty things about him to ‘spare me from being in a relationship with him’ or even that the bullies at his school would turn me against him even though he knew damn well I could never.” You stopped rambling and passed him a Polaroid picture of the two of you, sitting against the chain link fence that surrounded the old abandoned apple orchard. You were looking up at Connor with heart eyes as he smiled back down at you. A real smile. This was the real Connor Murphy.

Evan looked up from the picture at you, shocked before quickly returning it to you. “Oh my god... You must think I’m such a h- horrible person for doing all this and pretending to be best friends with your- your dead boyfriend- I’m so sorry for your loss by the way- and making up all these stories about things we never really did and starting a whole online campaign about-” “Evan!” He stopped ranting, breathing heavily. “Breathe, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax.”

It was silent for a moment before Evan mumbled a quiet, “Thank you.”

You smiled knowingly. “Now. Mind telling me everything?”

The two of you sat in your old beat up truck, as Evan told you everything. And by everything i mean everything. He started from the very beginning, “My dad left when I was 7 so now it’s just me and my mom. She works all the time at the hospital to support us and to pay for her education- she’s studying to be a paralegal- and so I’m usually home alone. I have anxiety so I take medication and go to therapy where I have to write a letter to myself hyping myself up for the day and trying to be positive and stuff-” “’Dear Evan Hansen’...”

He looked up from his hands at you, “Yeah.. Connor had one of my letters when he- um.. he took it from me earlier that day..” “It was your therapy letter? Why did he take it from you?” “Oh! You see he didn’t actually know it was a letter to myself for therapy he just thought I was being creepy and writing about his sister in a letter to print it out where he would find it and freak out and explode or something- That wasn’t why though, I didn’t even know he was in the room with me, I thought I was alone. He signed my cast before he read my letter, though. He said, ‘Now we both can pretend we have friends.’ Which is why I thought doing what I did would be okay but it wasn’t and it never will be and I really shouldn’t justify my actions because it was-” “Evan breathe.” “Right, sorry.” “Don’t apologize, it’s okay.” “Okay sor-” You gave him a pointed look.

“O-okay...” You giggled slightly, looking out of the window at the supermarket parking lot, “So.. he ran out with your letter, pissed because he thought you were fucking with him... And then he killed himself.” “Yeah.”

“So what happened after that?” “The Murphy’s showed up in the principal’s office three days later. I knew something was wrong because Connor and Zoe both weren’t in school and I know Connor skips but it’s not likely that they would both be out on the same days. Zoe doesn’t really skip school- she’s not that kind of person.” You nodded, gesturing to get to the point. “Right, they called me into the office because Connor had my letter and my name was on it so they thought the letter was for me. I tried to tell them it wasn’t- that I was the one who wrote it, but they were in denial. They kept reading parts of my letter back to me from memory, trying to make sense of it but I couldn’t tell them- I couldn’t get through to them....” He sighed.

“They invited me over to dinner and I went because I wanted to set the record straight but when I got there, they wanted to hear everything I knew about Connor. But I didn’t know anything, so whenever they brought something up I just nodded and agreed. Zoe was getting suspicious so I started to make things up. ‘Connor loved to talk about how much he hated skiing.’ ‘Connor took us to A La Mode and we ate our ice cream in the apple orchard where we climbed trees and raced across the open fields.’ ‘We would quote songs by our favorite bands.’ ‘We’d tell jokes no one else would understand.’ All lies. And they believed them. They wanted me to keep talking, they needed me to. They were broken and I just wanted to help them. I told them that we were friends on the internet where we’d email each other to talk about our day and stuff. And Connor would use a secret email account because he knew his dad was checking his regular email, and he didn’t want anyone to know we were friends.... Now that I think about it, this kind of sounds like your story.” You laughed, lightening the mood, and nodded.

“You know, you really aren’t that far off from who Connor was, despite the fact that you were making it up as you went. He wasn’t the monster that everyone thought he was. I mean sure in 2nd grade he pushed over a printer because he had a little tantrum about being skipped for line leader, but what kid doesn’t have a tantrum at least once in their life? It definitely didn’t help that all those kids grew up, making the story sound worse than it really was. He was always angry and stand-offish because everyone in his life would say shit about him that wasn’t true or be nice to him to get close enough to learn something new about him and then turn around and make fun of him for it. He was battling depression and needed help but his family didn’t want to believe there was anything actually wrong with him. I was the only one to believe him. To believe in him. But I’m just one person, and I guess that wasn’t enough..” You trailed off. Evan awkwardly put a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb as a way to console you.

It was silent for a moment. “I think he would’ve liked you. It would’ve taken him a while to warm up to you, but I really do think the two of you could’ve been friends.” Evan smiled slightly, before frowning. “I pretended to be his friend for so long, but Alana- she’s the co-president of the Connor Project- started getting suspicious about our friendship, saying that the letters didn’t make sense because it sounded like Connor was getting better so I showed her Connor’s ‘suicide note’-” “Dear Evan Hansen, It turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?”

“...Yeah. She believed me too. I told her not to show anyone because it was a really private thing, but she just said that was exactly what people needed to see. She posted it and people on the internet started to attack the Murphy’s, saying things like ‘They’re a rich family who couldn’t bother to pay for their son to get help?’ and ‘I’m not saying to do anything illegal but their house is the pale yellow house at the end of the cul de sac with a red door.’” Your hand flew to your mouth in shock. “They even leaked Zoe’s phone number and their house phone! Everything was just spiraling out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and the only thing I could think of to do was just.. them the truth. So I did and I told them everything. I wrote the letter, Connor took it from me, we weren’t really friends, and it was all a lie. I haven’t spoken to the Murphy’s since.” He fiddled with his hands in his lap and sighed. “And.. I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll go to school and everyone will hate me or that the Murphy’s will ruin my life.. Not that I don’t deserve it, after what I did? I deserve worse.”

“Evan.. No one deserves that, especially not you. What you did wasn’t exactly the right thing to do but you had the best intentions.” He nodded silently, “What did you want to ask me earlier anyways?”

You turned, facing down at the wheel in front of you. “I wanted to ask you if you knew where he was buried.”, a tear slipped from your eye as you sighed, smiling sadly, “I didn’t exactly get to say goodbye..” “I could go with you if you’d like. To show you the way?”

“Thank you, Evan.”

___

During the ride to the cemetery, You and Evan talked, trying to lighten the mood, and quickly became best friends. The two of you didn't have so much in common but you were both very comfortable and supportive of each other. You were like the siblings neither of you had.

The two of you stepped out of the truck, and begun walking to Connor’s grave. “Oh! Hold on..” You turn back, grabbing a beautiful bouquet of red roses and pink tulips, with a small white card that said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you enough when you needed it, Connor. I will never forget you, mon amour. I love you, always.” Connor didn’t have a specific favorite flower but he did appreciate their meanings. Roses represent love, and tulips represent a declaration of love. You hoped that even though he was gone he would still appreciate the thought you put into it.

The two of you walked up to his grave. It was at this moment when it hit you that he was really gone forever. You dropped to your knees, carefully placing down the flowers. Tears streaming as you silently sobbed, Evan’s hand on your left shoulder and the ghost of Connor’s hand on your right.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I love you more than you’ll ever know..”

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, before agreeing to leave in case the Murphy’s decided to visit. Neither of you really wanted to run into them and have to explain who you were and why you were there. “Do you want to come over to my house? You look emotionally exhausted.” You laughed and nodded, starting up the car.

___

“Why didn’t you come to town sooner?” You sighed, “I just.. I didn’t want to believe that he was really gone, you know? And coming here, seeing his grave, and his grieving family just confirmed what I prayed wasn’t true.” You sipped on the hot chocolate in your hands, staring out of the window at the pouring rain and cloudy night sky. “Have you met them yet?” Evan mumbled, typing on his laptop on the couch beside you. He pulled up the Connor Project and read about all the many different things Alana was doing. “No.. But I feel like I should? Like I know things about Connor that would give them closure but I can’t bring myself to go over and talk to them.”

“If only there was a way for you to show them what Connor was really like so you wouldn’t have to talk to them...” It was silent for a moment, “Actually... Connor and I used to write each other handwritten letters and take a lot of pictures together..” “Well what are the odds..” he giggled, “Maybe you could give those to them? The ones that aren’t super personal?” You sat together deeply in thought.

“But I can’t exactly bring myself to just give them away... Maybe I could copy them and white out all the personal stuff? Like the things between me and Connor only, and my face and name?” Evan nodded, agreeing that that would be the best option. You’d create a box filled with things Connor wrote and pictures of when he was truly happy, then leave it on the Murphy’s doorstep. It was a safe, no-contact interaction.

___

The next night, you went over to Evan’s house with the box labeled “The Real Connor Murphy. (i’m so sorry for your loss.. i thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.)” Evan gave you directions to the Murphy household. Eventually, you parked in front of the pale yellow house, all three cars were in the driveway. “You better be quick if you don’t want anyone to see you.. Just.. keep the car running, drop off the box, ring the doorbell, and book it back here and drive off. Don’t turn back.” “Okay super spy.” You laughed nervously.

You walked up to the door, placing the box neatly on the ground with a single rose and tulip tapped on the top, rang the doorbell, and ran off. You jumped into the car and drove off just as Evan, who was previously hiding away from the car window, saw the red front door begin to open.

___

“Larry!” Cynthia Murphy exclaimed, picking up the box from the front porch to the dinner table, placing it beside the small card they had found on a mysterious bouquet of flowers they found the day before against Connor’s gravestone. “What is that?” He asked, looking at it with disinterest. “I found it on the porch, it says ‘The Real Connor Murphy. I’m so sorry for your loss.. I thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.’ It’s in the same handwriting as the note we found on that bouquet of flowers. It even has the same two flowers! It has to be the same person. Someone who really loved him...” “What’s inside?” Zoe asked while reading and rereading the small card.

Cynthia opened the box to find handwritten letters from Connor and a mystery girl, photos of Connor laughing, smiling, pouting, hugging and kissing someone with a scratched out face. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This was the real Connor, a whole different version of him that the three were completely unaware of. Seeing him like this was just so unfamiliar to them, they couldn’t believe their eyes for a moment. Zoe picked up a letter, reading it aloud,

“Dear Y/N

Things haven’t been going so well lately, my parents are always fighting, my mom pretends like there’s nothing wrong, my dad doesn’t pay attention to anyone but himself anymore, and Zoe hates me.

Not that I blame her, I hate myself too. But I don’t hate myself when I’m around you. I’m so glad to have you around. You make life just a little easier every day.

It’s harder when you’re not around, I get angry easier when I get bullied at school or when Zoe says something awful about me. I just feel like I’m an airplane about to crash, but with you around I feel like I’m flying. Smooth sailing. Floating even. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever met.

Thank you. I love you.

Sincerely, Con”

“He.. he had a girlfriend..?” She said, in shock. The three began to shuffle through the letters, photos, and little post-it notes, putting them in piles. “These are all copied..” “Maybe whoever left them didn’t want to give the originals away..?” “Maybe because she still cares about and loves him and didn’t want to give these away. They seem so.. personal.” Cynthia picked up a post-it note,

“Tu es belle Y/N, je t'adore.”

“What does that even mean?” Zoe pulled out her phone going straight to google translate, “It’s says ‘you are beautiful, i adore you.’.. I didn’t know Connor knew french.” “He never took a class for it. Maybe he learned it on his own?” Larry picked up a photo this time, Connor was standing in front of the apple orchard’s rotting old sign in the middle of the field, fake pouting and wearing a thin little flower crown you had made him. “I didn’t know Connor had any feelings other than anger.” Cynthia hit his arm. “Wait,” Zoe said, grabbing the attention of her bickering parents, “This letter has a picture and a post-it note attached to it.”

“Dear Con,

Thank you for the painting, it’s absolutely beautiful. You are so so talented. The way you put so much thought into every detail is truly admirable. You make everything you paint so exciting and captivating, even if the thing you’re painting isn’t very exciting at all. You see the beauty in the things that most people never give a second glance.

It kind of reminds me of the way I look at you.

To most people that don’t know you, you are a “freak” or “school shooter chic”. But, when I look at you, you are none of those things. You are beautiful, you are captivating, you are perfectly imperfect. You are worth it. Don’t give up on me darlin’.

I love you.

Sincerely, Y/N/N”

Attached to the letter was a photo of the painting mentioned. It was a painting of your beaten old navy blue truck parked beside a chain link fence that blocked it off from the open field. In the background, the sun was setting in a perfect blend of yellows, oranges, and reds. It was so detailed that if you weren’t already aware that it was a painting, you would’ve probably thought it was a photo taken from a fancy camera. “It really is beautiful..” Cynthia trailed off, wiping a stray tear that fell from her eye, “He was so talented. I didn’t even know he liked to paint! I mean I knew he took an art class but because he skipped school so much, I never even thought he went..”

“I guess we really didn’t know Connor at all..” Zoe begun to get angry, “What kind of family does that?! I mean we lived with him, I grew up with him, you two raised him, and we still didn’t even know who he was?! This.. this stranger even knew more about him than we did! Do you realize how sad this is? We have to learn about our dead family member from a complete stranger because when he was alive, we were too busy pretending like he was just acting out for attention instead of actually needing help! He needed help and we didn’t give it to him! It’s not like we couldn’t afford to take him to therapy! We just pretended like he was a monster and if we ignored him, he would stop..” She took a deep breath, “Maybe we were the monsters and his anger and tantrums were his cries for help...” “Zoe..” Cynthia reached for her arm but she pulled away, running up to her room while choking back tears. “..She’s right.”

The two were quiet for a long period of time, reading and rereading every letter and every note, memorizing every photo.

Cynthia held up a photo of Connor and a girl, whose face was completely scratched out, “Who are you..”

___

The next day was a particularly warm day so you and Evan drove over to A La Mode as a victory ice cream run of sorts. You really believed in treating yourself after small, seemingly insignificant, victories such as dropping off a box of precious letters to a grieving family. They needed closure, and you were willing to give it them. Evan, despite talking about A La Mode with the Murphy’s before, had never actually been. You two talked and ate your ice cream sitting in the back of your truck, looking out at the orchard across the street. The orchard was renamed the “Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard”, which made your heart a little heavy. Another reminder that he was really gone.

In the distance, on the other side of the fence sat the Murphy’s who were packing up from their weekly picnic. As they got up to walk out of the orchard, Zoe looked across the street. “Wait a minute..” Her parents stopped walking. “What is it Zoe?” Larry asked. She pointed at the car parked across the street, “Isn’t that the car that Connor painted his girlfriend in that letter? And Evan?” They looked across the street to find the same navy blue truck and a familiar face.

Evan paled, “The Murphy’s are looking at us!” he whisper-shouted. You began to turn around, but Evan stopped you. “No don’t look!” Your head whipped back to him as your face paled, “They recognized my car..” “How could they? It was night time when you dropped off the box and the door barely begun to open as you drove away..”

You smiled sheepishly, “I may or may not have given them a picture of a painting Connor made me of my truck parked beside that exact fence...” Evan facepalmed and gave you a deadpanned look. “Well they’re starting to walk across the street now.”

You shot up, “Let’s go.” “I mean would it be so bad to meet his parents?” Evan asked as the two of you scrambled into the front seats. “I’m just.. I’m not ready to have that conversation just yet.” You reversed out of the parking spot and drove back onto the road.

“Wait!” The Murphy’s shouted to the car as it begun to drive off. “There was a girl driving. Maybe that was her?” Cynthia asked, hopefulness clear in her voice. “She was with Evan, do you think the box of letters were fake?” Larry, always the optimist. “They couldn’t be, they were handwritten in Connor’s handwriting. Even the french notes.”

Zoe thought for a moment, “Well if we’re going to find her, we should probably start with Evan’s place first.” “Who said we were going to look for her?” Larry asked, “I’m not wasting my time on a wild goose chase. She’s already shown us enough about Connor.”

Cynthia turned to her husband, “How could you say that? She could be the one thing to bring us closer to our son. Our son who took his own life because he felt that that was the only path left for him. And you don’t want to try to find her? Find closure? Honestly Larry, what is wrong with you lately!” “I’m sorry. We’ll find her.”

___

The Murphy’s found themselves at the Hansen household. They knew you were there. After all, your truck was parked in the driveway. Inside were you, Heidi, and Evan. You had just met Heidi, but she loved you. She was thrilled to find that Evan had made a friend like you. You hung out with Evan even after learning he lied about being friends with your recently deceased boyfriend, and helped him when he started to rant and breathe heavy about it. You were so kind-hearted, forgiving, and calm by nature, that he was finally comfortable around someone. You were quickly best friends.

A knock at the door startled the three of you. “Are you guys expecting anyone?”, Heidi stood up to get the door as you and Evan turned to each other. He placed a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. “I suppose now’s a good time as ever, even though I really only had 24 hours to prepare myself..” You muttered, the two of you walking towards the front door.

The Murphy’s stopped and stared at you. “Are you.. Were you Connor’s girlfriend?” Cynthia asked. You nodded slightly, rubbing your arm as a nervous habit. “I’m Cynthia, this is Larry and Zoe.. We’re Connor’s family.” “I know.”

Heidi invited them in, everyone heading to the living room. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.. We just wanted to thank you for all the letters and photos of Connor. It feels like we’re finally getting to know who he really was on the inside.” You looked up from your lap, “No offense ma’am, but shouldn’t you have gotten to know your own son when he was still around?”

Zoe laughed, awkward and uncomfortable. “I really don’t think that’s funny.. especially considering you didn’t bother to get to know him either.” You said getting defensive, sticking up for Connor. Even if he was gone, you would never stop fighting for him. You did truly love him after all. “And before you say ‘Connor wasn’t easy to talk to. He would always yell and storm off.’, just think about the fact that having a relationship with someone is a two way street. You can’t expect someone to make an effort if you don’t try to do the same.”

The three looked at her in shock. Heidi and Evan smiling sheepishly in the background. “I..”, Larry started, but trailed off, not being able to come up with a proper response. Cynthia and Zoe looked deep in thought, unable to do the same.

It was quiet for a long amount of time.

“You’re right. You’re right and I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. And the only thing we could do now is learn from our mistakes. We don’t exactly know how we’re going to do that but we’re willing to try. And we’re hoping that you could help us? Help us figure out what to do and help us learn about who Connor was?” Zoe finally spoke up, her parents nodding along in agreement.

You were trying to heal from everything that happened and them putting all their hope on you wasn’t really helping. But maybe grieving together would allow everyone to heal and remember him in a more positive way? At least you hoped.

There’s a lot of hope pinned on others here.

“I suppose helping you all would let us heal.. together?” You said, slightly questioning your own words, turning toward Evan. He shrugged, giving you a thumbs-up. “But I don’t feel comfortable talking about Connor unless Evan is around.” You paused, “It’d be nice to have a familiar face around and we’re practically best friends now.. so..” “Yes of course.” The three stood up, walking to the front door, “We’ll come back here at 11AM tomorrow and drive to the orchard for a picnic if that’s alright with the two of you?” You and Evan nodded simultaneously. “Are you allergic to anything dear?”

With the shake of your head and a quick goodbye from Evan and Heidi, the Murphy’s were off.

“Am I doing the right thing here? Connor didn’t even want his family to known I existed! And now we’re going on a picnic with them? Where I have to talk about him?” You sat down, head in your hands as a headache begun to grow. Heidi placed her hand on your shoulder gently, “It’s going to be tough right now, and it’s going to be emotionally draining, I’m sure. But, if you really think that they deserve to know who he really was, that how they perceive him is wrong, then I think you are doing the right thing. You’re helping them, you’re helping yourself, and you’re helping Connor. You did say that he wanted to change the way people saw him. And you’d be doing that for him, even if he’s not physically around to see it happen.”

“Thank you, Heidi.”

___

“It’s really nice of you to agree to meet us here, Y/N. And Evan, it’s nice to have you here too.” Cynthia smiled, putting down a blanket for the picnic. Everyone sat down in an awkward silence.

“So... is.. is there anything you wanted to know that wasn’t already in the letters?” You asked, picking at the blades of grass beside you. Evan slapped your hand away from the grass, silently scolding you in true forest ranger fashion for messing with nature. The Murphy’s turned to each other, silently debating what to say and who would say it. No surprise to you and Evan that the one to speak up was Cynthia. The past couple of hours really showed that she was the only one who seemed to care, at least a little bit, about Connor when he was around, though Zoe and Larry were trying their best now.

“Why didn’t Connor bring you around to meet the family? It really seemed like you brought so much light to his life. I mean, you brought out parts of him that we didn’t even know existed!” “We thought he was a monster...” Zoe muttered sadly.

Your heart ached for this family, they really knew nothing about him.. “Connor didn’t bring me around because he was afraid you’d all ‘scare me off’,” you laughed slightly, “And Connor may have been a monster to you, but the real Connor was never a monster, to me or to anyone in my small town. In the next town over, no one knew who Connor was or what he’d done in the past. It was like a fresh start. Which I knew he desperately needed. I mean, with all the people bullying him, hurting him physically or emotionally or both, and spreading fake rumors about him since he was in the second grade? He was angry and hurting and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he would lash out. But wouldn’t you react the same way? Build up walls so people wouldn’t hurt you? Isolate yourself so people couldn’t get close enough to?”

It went silent again, the only sound was the wind blowing in the summer breeze and the trees rustling in the background.

“She’s right.”

Everyone looked up, faces showing some form of shock. Larry continued, “All that stuff was going on in school and we made it worse for him at home. He asked us for help and we always assumed he was doing for attention. No matter how hard we tried to be a perfect family, we never were and we probably never will be.”

Zoe wiped away a stray tear. “Even though you couldn’t save your kid, maybe there’s a way you could save someone else’s?” He turned to you with a questioning glance. “I mean you have to admit, you’re a pretty wealthy family, maybe you can spend some time donating to suicide prevention hotlines and foundations that were created specifically to help those who are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts like Connor was? I know for a fact that Connor hated the way that he felt, and would never want anyone to go through what he’d been going through, no matter how much of an asshole they were.”

Cynthia reached over to you, placing a hand on your knee, smiling as tears fell freely from her face, from all of their faces. “That’s a brilliant idea, Y/N.”

___

The picnic went on as you told them stories of your’s and Connor’s adventures together. Jumping over the fence to lay around in the yellow fields of the old orchard, helping your mom arrange flowers in her flower shop (he would always make sure his bouquets were well thought out in their meaning), buying junk food and snacks when having movie marathons on a Saturday night, sketching and painting moments together so you two would never forget them.

With each little story, his family knew more about him and you felt as close to him as you had been before that heart-wrenching summer day.

You fell behind from the group as you all walked out of the orchard. Turning back and taking one last look at the entrance, the fields, and the growing trees of the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard, you notice a figure dressed in black standing with his back against the fence. He gave you a smile, a genuine yet sad smile, mouthing the words “thank you” and “i love you”, before disappearing in the wind.

#connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #deh #dear evan hansen #mike faist #broadway #dear evan hansen x reader

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reprisedpiece · 7 years

Text

Five Years

Pairing: Mike Faist x Reader

Warning: swear words (as usual)

Request: “mike faist x reader where she is laura's best friends and he is in love with the reader but he thinks she is dating Laura but she have a huge crush on him”

Word Count: 7981

Note: oh man i worked so so hard on this and i am very proud. this is the longest fic i’ve written. i’m sorry this came out late but something happened and you can read about it here lmao at least you’ll know the reason if u find the ending a bit bleh. some of you might find it cheesy but idc right now I AM PROUD OF THIS Y’ALL I HOPE YA LIKE IT TOO (as usual, feedback and comments are appreciated. you can even hmu if u just want to talk)

MASTERLIST

1:47 PM

You eyed the brightly-lit numbers in your phone before shoving the device back into your pocket, huffing. You leaned forward from your position as your leg started bouncing with anxiety. You were picking at your nails while Laura shouted into whoever was on the other line.

You and Laura were situated in your usual spot – the love seat. Everyone knew to stay clear from that piece of furniture because most of time, it was hogged by the two of you. Laura always stayed in the left side while you sat at the right.

Right now, you were slightly irritated at Laura. You knew deep down that you shouldn’t be due to the fact that she’s already doing you a huge favor but you couldn’t help it because you were pressed for time.

“Are you going to take long?” You ask softly as not to disrupt her conversation but enough to catch her attention. She turned to you with an apologetic smile, wrapping her arm around your shoulders as she pulled you into her.

“Just a few more minutes, I promise.” She mouthed. You bit your lip as you nodded. You really couldn’t do anything about it. You had to wait until she finishes whatever kind of conversation she’s having right now, eyes shifting to Mike as he uses his phone.

You saw how his eyes crinkled when he read something on his phone. You guessed it was something hilarious because it made him giggle nonstop. You watched as he showed his phone to Will, who then threw his head back in laughter before passing the phone along to Ben.

Your eyes darted back to Mike.

God, how can one person be so infatuated with someone like him? Things have changed since you met him a few years back. Five years, to be more exact. Circumstances were different now yet the feelings stayed the same.

You sighed as you tried clearing your head of these thoughts, sinking further into Laura as you shut your eyes. You felt her rest her head on top of yours as she carried on with her conversation.

Everyone in that theater knew how close you and Laura are. Both of you had so much in common; maybe except the fact that she’s a total sweetheart and you aren’t exactly one. Nonetheless, you and Laura grew up being extremely comfortable with one another.

Both of you had a fair share of crap that you dealt with growing up. In the end, that didn’t matter because you had each other. You sought comfort in one another, hence having a near-zero filter whenever the two of you were together.

You hardly felt embarrassment anymore when it came to Laura. You had no reason to. That’s why the two of you would cuddle, give each other kisses on the cheek and forehead, hold hands, all that sweet stuff. Hearing comments about the two of you dating was a common occurrence, it no longer bothers both of you. Still, it doesn’t stop you from wanting to yell ‘just best friends!’ at every person who stares at the two of you longer than they’re supposed to.

Your friendship with Laura has gone through so much that there isn’t one thing that you wouldn’t do with her or tell her. Except maybe the fact that you are absolutely smitten with Mike Faist. But that’s for later.

She’s the closest thing you have to a sister and there will never be a trace of romance between you two. What you and Laura had was something that cannot be replaced. Laura can’t be replaced. She’ll always have a special spot in your heart, and it will never be in the romantic sense like most people assume.

When Laura got into Broadway and moved to New York City, it was definitely something that took a while to get used to. It was as if the world the two of you lived in was suddenly stretched and now you’re being dragged into a place that was way out of your comfort zone. Anyone in your position would be scared out of their damn mind. How couldn’t it? You were an average girl, looking for a job, while your best friend in the world is suddenly famous.

You’ve moved all the way from your little town where you and Laura grew up in, all the way to New York. Before that, you spent a few years in California to study.

Laura moved to New York a few years earlier than you did so she knew how to live in the rambunctious area. You, on the other hand, have absolute no idea what you are doing. Living in California was way different than living here. She’s all you had in this big city, which made you depend on her more than you wanted.

Along your stay, she asked if you wanted to meet her cast members.

At first, the idea boggled you because you still couldn’t believe that the little nugget who tried piercing your ear with a needle back in the ninth grade had finally achieved her dream. She’s in a Broadway show for crying out loud. People would kill to be in her place.

You reluctantly agreed and soon enough, they loved you.

They adored you for who you were and how supportive you are of their lead actress. Spending a year with them, you felt like you could talk to them about anything.

Except for Mike.

Seeing him again after so many years was still a shock to you.

Everyone noticed it – the tension between you and Mike. They couldn’t distinguish whether it was good or bad so they decided to let it be. It wasn’t like you two were fighting. It was just that your interaction were mostly stolen glances and nervous smiles. You two talked, that was no question. There really was just something that the rest couldn’t point out until this very day ended.

Due to your close relationship with Laura, of course most of the Dear Evan Hansen cast and team assumed that you were in a relationship.

90% of the time, you’re with Laura. You are in a new city after all. You are clueless as heck. Laura, on the other hand, knows the ropes. She knew how to get places and all that. You were still feeling a bit paranoid to go anywhere by yourself. A year into a dense area will do that to you. The New York lifestyle was a big change. You’ve gotten yourself familiar with Manhattan but you knew little about the rest of the boroughs. Anything could happen so you stuck by the only family you had in this unfamiliar city.

The fact that you are a bisexual didn’t help this assumption die down. People automatically assume you’re incapable of holding a platonic friendship with a girl. As much as it irritated you, that’s what most people think. This happened back in high school as well so you and Laura learned to not care about it.

Mike, however, cared. He cared a lot.

How could he not? He was madly in love with you. It was impossible for him not to care on the idea that you were another person. That it wasn’t him making you smile and making you feel butterflies in your stomach and all that sweet shit.

Of course, you didn’t know about it. That man was good at hiding his feelings. Now he has to feel his heart being pinched every time he sees you with Laura.

Mike leaned back into the couch as he threw his phone on the pillow next to him. He could still hear Will and Ben laughing their asses off. His gaze fell to you. He watched as you snuggled into Laura’s side, closing your eyes.

His eyes shift to floor. At least one of us was happy, he thought to himself as he referred to the two of you. He rest his head on the arm of the couch before closing his own eyes, reminiscing at how the two of you were before all this happened.

You took up a semester in AMDA before transferring to a different university to pursue a different career path.

You had an artistic bone in you. But you weren’t the best with acting or dancing. What you had was great talent with music.

Mike knew that you absolutely loved music. You once told him it was the one thing you could do for the rest of your life. Music meant so much to you. It was something you could never let go.

You met him on your way to the auditorium. You were in a hurry as to not be late for your class. Your shoes squeaked against the floor as you padded cross the hallways.

Your eyes were focused the the big sign that has your professor’s name on it that you didn’t notice a boy, who was using his phone at the time, was walking your way.

You bumped into the boy. Both of you groaned in pain as you hit the floor. He appeared to be leaving the very same room where you were supposed to go to.

Your music sheets scattered everywhere, all twenty pages of it. You huffed as you knelt down to gather them. The boy dropped to his knees as well as he helped you.

You cursed under your breath, frustrated on how this day was turning out. The boy momentarily shifted his gaze from the fallen papers to you. He could still remember the picture to this very day. Your hair in a bun, the marks on your face, the way your nose crinkled, he remembered it all. It was a breathtaking sight.

“Were you on your way to Mason’s class?” He asked, cocking his head at you.

You looked up at him, blowing a strand of hair away from your vision.

“I was before I bumped into you which I am very sorry about.” You said nervously as you quickly pushed your sheets back into your folder.

When you gathered most of them, the two of you stood up. He reached out the other half of the stack of papers you were holding.

“He’s not there. He moved into another room on the other side.” He informed you, pointing to the building where you came from. You groaned. You can’t believe you just ran across the campus only to go back.

“We can walk together,” He proposed. Your head snapped to face him, not knowing how to respond. You then realized you were talking to the best tap dancer in your class – Mike Faist. His talent and mad looks made him intimidating in your mind. Everyone knew that he had so much talent and potential. You stared at Mike for a few seconds, opening your mouth to speak but quickly closing them.

“Only if you want!” He continued as he saw the expression on your face. He started walk away when you caught his wrist, making him face you again.

You hugged your music sheets to your chest with your other arm. You gave Mike a gentle smile that made the boy swoon before you spoke.

“Let’s go.”

Since then, you and Mike have gotten pretty close. In you stay in AMDA, he was the closest person you had. You had so many fond memories together during that time. You’ve helped each other in memorizing lines, had a lot of group study sessions together, he even taught how to dance because you had terrible rhythm of the dance floor. You had taught him how to play a few songs with the piano and by the last month of your stay, you had tons of inside jokes which could leave the two of you laughing on the ground for hours.

In a span of one semester, Mike started feeling something for you. He knew what it was but he only hoped he was wrong. He didn’t want to ruin his friendship with you. He was afraid to lose you.

But he couldn’t help it. Soon, he stated noticing little quirks about you that he had grown to be smitten about.

He learned about how you loved cracking your knuckles before you play any instrument, how you always had a guitar pick in your wallet, how you licked your lips before speaking, the pattern of marks on your face, and so much more. He knew about the little things that some people wouldn’t take a second look at.

Mike didn’t think it was possible to be so in love with someone in just five months. He didn’t tell you. He couldn’t. He was afraid that you’d freak out, that it would scare you away from him.

After all, who the hell falls in love so quickly? He even considered the idea that maybe he was just feeling lonely. He thought that maybe he just wanted someone. He tried convincing himself that but it didn’t work. He wanted you – just you.

He knew he couldn't keep it in for so long. Mike cannot keep his feelings for you cooped up so he decided he was going to tell you. Not the entire truth but a part of it. He decided he was going to downplay his own feelings to something less intense. A crush on you, perhaps? Mike was planning to tell you that he simply liked you. At least with that, you wouldn’t freak out as much, he thought.

But when Mike ran to your dorm room to make his confession, he was shocked to see you crying on your bed with a letter gripped tightly on your right hand.

He knocked softly on the open door, making you aware of his presence.

Your head shot up to the door, only to see Mike with a concerned look on his face.

“Mike! Oh my god,” You wiped your tears with your left hand.

“Are you alright?” He asked cautiously.

You nodded as you continued rubbing your eyes. You cleared your throat before speaking.

“I got into UCLA! My transfer got accepted.” You sputter out, clearly shocked.

Mike’s smile faltered.

He could not believe you were actually leaving. Heck, he didn’t even know that you applied for a transfer.

“Y-You are?” He asked, giving you a weak grin.

You admit that you were feeling melancholic during that time. You didn’t want to leave the people you’ve met here behind. You didn’t want to leave Mike. But you wanted this. You were too ecstatic at the moment that you pushed the sad thoughts behind.

You smiled back at him before standing up. You ran up to Mike, wrapping your arms around his neck as you pulled him down into a hug. Mike immediately wrapped his own arms around your waist, holding you close to his chest.

He felt his heart crash to the bottom of his being. If he listened very carefully, he felt like he would have heard it shatter to the ground. He tightened his hug as you were about to pull away, bot ready to let you go.

He couldn't ruin this moment. The idea of confessing to you was long forgotten. You were happy. He wouldn't dare to take that away from you.

“Congratulations.” He whispered to you, nuzzling his face against your neck. He was genuinely happy for you, without a doubt. It was the idea of you leaving him that got to him.

“Thank you.” You squeezed your grip around him for a moment before pulling away, beaming up at him with a big smile on your face.

“I have to tell Laura about the good news!” You said excitedly as you reached for phone. Mike slowly backed away, watching you from the door.

Just like that, you were gone in a week. It was bittersweet, Mike thought. He was glad that you were finally out there chasing your dreams but all he could think was that you left too soon.

Mike forced himself to forget about you. He tried going out on numerous dates with different girls yet he always found himself comparing them to you.

Her hand doesn't feel like Y/N’s, she’d never wear something like that, Y/N doesn’t like that sort of thing.

That’s what he thought of every single time.

He’s just frustrated because the girl that would be sitting in front of him wouldn’t be you.

Sure, he has liked some girls more than he expected he would but it wasn't as strong as what he felt for you.

But what could he do? Love wasn’t something a mere human like him could control. Love splits to different individuals and finds homes within their hearts. Love grows, love shrinks, love changes depending on what it sees. Love could stay for days, love could stay for years.

Yet it seemed like love was only at rest when it finds its way back to you.

Soon, Mike gave up on trying to deal with love. He decided to give it a rest and focus on what he really wanted – theatre and dancing. He spent most of his days and money on classes, pushing himself to the limits to be the best he could be.

In the end, it payed off. In a year, Mike has made his Broadway debut on Newsies. And after working even harder, he got cast as Connor Murphy in Dear Evan Hansen.

He was more than ecstatic. This, right here, was what he wanted and he finally got it. He was beyond happy for his achievements and how far he has gone. This was it. He was sure nothing could ruin it.

It was when all the cast members gathered around for the first table read. This was where they were going to run through the entire script and all the actors could get a sense of what is expected of them in this musical.

Everyone gathered in the table. The entire crew started introducing themselves and what they do in this team. As Steve finished with his little speech about team work and such, it was the cast members’ turn.

Mike smiled as everyone introduced themselves. Words could not describe how excited he was for what was about to come for him.

“Hi! I’m Laura Dreyfuss and I’m playing the role of Zoe Murphy.” Mike’s ears perked up at the name, a sense of nostalgia hitting him like a wave.

He didn’t notice that he was staring for a quite a while until someone called his attention.

“What?” Mike asked, facing whoever was calling him.

Ben started laughing. “Introduce yourself, man.” The room filled with quiet laughter.

Mike chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand and using the other to give a small wave to the rest as he stood up from his seat.

“I’m Mike Faist and I’m playing Connor Murphy.”

Everyone gave him a curt nod, greeting him back as they moved to the rest of the cast.

Mike sat back down. He faced the girl who introduced herself before him and saw her scanning through the script. Was this the same Laura? The very same Laura Dreyfuss who happened to be the friend of Y/N L/N?

This was all Mike could think of during the rehearsals. The nagging feeling never left. He just wanted to know how you were. I mean, it’s been four years. It has been a while.

One week into rehearsals, he still couldn't find the courage to ask Laura.

It would seem so out of the blue. Wouldn’t it be weird? Asking a complete stranger about her best friend who he fell head over heels for. It wasn’t like he could just go up to her and say, ‘Hey! Your best friend may or may not be the love of my life. How is she, by the way?’.

Yeah, if only it was that simple.

He was twiddling with his thumbs, trapped in between Laura and Michael Park as they watched Ben, Will, and Kristolyn rehearse in front of them.

Mike was contemplating whether this was the perfect moment to talk to Laura about it. Every time he gathered the courage to ask about you, it always disappears the next second.

Laura glanced at Mike for a while before moving her focus back to the stage, leaning back into her seat.

“I know who you are, you know.”

Mike slowly raised his head to face Laura. He pointed to himself as they met eyes, silently asking if she was talking to him. Laura chuckled and nodded.

“You do?” Mike sounded shocked.

“I didn’t mean to sound creepy but I do know you.” She replied, eyes still on the practice set in front of them.

Mike did the same and faced in front, shifting in his seat.

“I remember you too,” He crossed his arms in front of his chest as he continued his conversation with Laura. “Even though we haven’t officially met.”

She chuckled. “Heard about me through Y/N?”

Mike smiled at the mention of your name. “I could ask you the same question.”

“You’re not wrong there. She talked about you a lot.” Laura said, glancing at Mike as he looked at her with shock.

“She did?”

Laura nodded. “She didn’t shut up about you.” She replied, giggling. Laura could still remember the times you rambled about Mike. Of course, you still denied you felt anything for him but Laura knew you like the back of her hand.

Mike slowly nodded his head, trying to seem calm as he could be. “She mentioned you a lot too,” He said before turning his body to face Laura a bit.

“Speaking of Y/N, how is she? You guys were pretty close when I last saw her.”

Laura looked up at Mike to give him a gentle grin. “She’s doing great. We’re still close as ever.” Mike felt a smile creep up his face. You were doing alright. You were happy. That was a relief.

Laura eyed Mike knowingly. “She’s coming to visit tomorrow after she applies at another firm.”

The mention of the word ‘firm’ made Mike’s eyebrows furrow together. “Firm? I thought she was pursuing music?” He asked with a confused tone.

Laura shrugged. “Not anymore, I guess. She didn’t take up music when she transferred to UCLA.”

Mike nodded as he leaned back into his chair. He was confused? Did anything happen? More questions popped into his head and he didn’t have the answer to any of them.

A year has passed since that conversation happened and now, here you were. You were snuggled against Laura while watching Mike.

You got your phone out from your pocket and your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when you saw the time.

2:02 PM

You quickly stood up, Laura’s arm flopping down to the seat. She looked up to you with a confused expression on her face. Her phone was still pressed against her ear and you could hear the quiet chatter from the other line.

“I have to go. My interview is at 2:30 PM, Laura.” You said quietly, twirling the green scarf around your neck.

She looked at you with panicked eyes. Laura couldn’t drop this call right now but she knew you had to be somewhere.

“Look, just tell me where it is. I can go there by myself.” You told her quickly. You were unsure of your own words. I mean, you have been here for around a year and you still have lots to learn about. You were going to rely on the current knowledge you have of New York.

Laura furiously shook her head at you. She pulled away from the phone, excusing herself as she covered it so that the other line wouldn’t pick up whatever she was about to say.

“Are you crazy? Your interview is in Queens!” She whispered harshly.

“It’s one subway ride from here. You told me that borough was safe!” You whispered back, grabbing your bag from the table next to the love seat.

“A lot of scary things can happen in a subway, Y/N.”

“You have a phone call to finish, Laura. I can’t drag you out to the noisy streets just like that!”

Laura chewed her lip nervously, eyes moving to the three boys across the room.

“Does anyone know how to go to the Exile, Inc.? That place in Queens?” She asked.

The three boys stared at each other, Ben and Will shaking their heads. Everyone faced Mike expectantly.

Mike let in a sharp breath before nodding at you and Laura. You let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, okay. She has to leave like right now. Can you take her?” Laura asked Mike.

He nodded at the two of you.

“Alright, give me a second.” He said as he grabbed his jacket and scarf from his dressing room, which wasn’t far.

You started cracking your knuckles as you waited. You weren’t exactly sure whether you were excited or nervous to be with Mike, alone.

Mike started wrapping the scarf around his neck as he put on his jacket. He was doing this while walking back to where you were. He didn’t know how to feel. This was the first time the two of you were going somewhere alone.

He walked towards you and Laura, nodding to signal he was ready to go.

You smiled at Mike before giving Laura a kiss on the cheek as she carried on with her phone call.

“Ready?” Mike asked you.

“Yeah.” You said quietly, still feeling a bit nervous around him. You felt a little embarrassed. You were dragging him to some job interview and the two of you knew that this wasn’t your first interview. This was the eighth.

It’s pathetic how a jobless girl is still pining for a Broadway star, you though to yourself.

The two of you walked in silence as you left the Music Box Theatre. You listened to the sound of vehicles passing by, the loud chatter of the crowds, and the overall ambience of the city. Mike moved to the outer side of the sidewalk, shielding you from the traffic.

“So this building we’re going to,” He started as he shoved his hands inside his jacket pockets. “What kind of firm is it?”

“It’s actually an agency, not a firm.” You faced him momentarily before moving your gaze to the pavement.

Mike nodded. He could still sense a bit of awkwardness between the two of you but nonetheless, he was glad you two had this moment to yourselves. “An agency that deals with what?”

“Graphic design,” You shrugged, not making a big deal out of it. “I’m applying as a graphic designer.”

“Graphic design, huh?”

“I know, it’s quite a stretch from what I did a few years back.” You chuckled nervously. You continued to walk as you neared a corner, your hands playing with the buttons of your coat.

Mike glanced at you, a smile lingering on his lips. The view was just beautiful. It’s funny how New York is so busy that anything can catch your attention but his eyes were just set on you. The orange leaves were falling to ground, one particularly landing on your head.

He slowed down his pace, eventually halting to a stop. You stopped a few inches in front of him as you looked at him, confused.

“What is it?” You asked quietly, walking back to him.

“Did something happen?” He asked you as he stared at the leaf that sat on your head.

“What do you mean?”

He reached out on top of your hair, grabbing the leaf. He plucked it off before twirling it in his fingers. He handed to you the small orange leaf as he continued talking. “I suppose something happened. I mean, you were pursuing music back then and now you’re into graphic design.”

He started walking off, leaving you to stare at the leaf that he placed on your palm. You started to walk as well, picking up the pace to catch up with him.

“I didn’t entirely give up on music if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Why didn’t you pursue it then?” He started kicking the pebbles off the pavement. “Do you not love it anymore or something?”

You vigorously shook your head at him. “God, no. I’ll always love music, you know that.” You playfully shoved him. He chuckled as he stumbled a bit.

“Okay, okay. You love it but why not go on with it?” He asked as he placed a hand on the small of your back, guiding you as you turned the corner.

You felt your cheeks heat up. “I guess it’s something I didn’t want to share to the world,” You started.

He moved his hand away from you before looking at you expectantly as he waited for you to continue.

“I have no interest making money off of it. It’s just something I love, something I treasure. Music will always be special to me. I could spend my entire life just dedicating all my days to music.” You said, your eyes moving to your shoelaces. They were a bit undone but you didn’t mind it too much.

You faced Mike as you continued walking down the street. “I feel like it’s a part of me that people should earn their way into, you know? Not something they should pay to get a part of.” You finished.

You saw Mike nod slowly. You couldn’t read the expression on his face so you weren’t sure whether he understood what you were trying to say.

You started to ramble. “Look, it’s confusing. I know that but what I’m say-”

“No, I understand it.” He cut you off, grinning at you. “It’s precious to you heart and you want to guard it. Wait for the right people to be a part of your music.” He explained in his own words.

He then pointed to the flight of stairs a few feet ahead of you, signalling that you were headed that way.

You looked at him with awe. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to say!” You say, clearly glad that he got it.

You started walking backwards so you could face him as you walked to the steps. “Besides, graphic design can be cool as a job. It’s pretty fun.”

He chuckled as he glanced at you before facing the street once again. “I hope I’m one of those people you trust your music with.” Mike told you with a joking tone even though he meant that genuinely.

You scoff as you turned around when the two of you reached the stairs. You rolled your eyes at him playfully. “Of course you are.”

You started walking down the steps when Mike stopped in his tracks, in shock. “I-I am?”

“Why wouldn’t you be? You’ve been there ever since.” You retorted back, facing him.

“Even after all these years?” He asked as he started walking down next to you. He felt warm inside. To hear something like that, especially from someone like you, was enough to lift his spirits to a whole new level.

“You are, You smile to the ground, letting your hair hide you from Mike. “And you will always be.” You mumbled the last part to yourself. It was quiet but Mike heard it. He smiled as he looked at you with his soft and gentle eyes.

“I’ve missed you, did you know that?” He said.

You shook your head. “I didn’t. But I’ve missed you too.”

“Why did we ever stop talking?”

You shrugged your shoulders, remembering very well what happened. “We both got so busy. We never had the time, I guess.”

“I guess so too.” He said back, frowning as he painfully regretted how he two of you drifted apart.

“But even after all those years, I still trust you with my little treasure.” You say, chuckling as you used his words to refer to your music.

He bit his lip before talking, smiling. “Well, it’s a privilege to be one of those people.” He genuinely told you once the both of you reached the same step. He placed a hand on your shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

As you leaned back into his touch, your grip around your folders loosened at the same time a gust of wind passed by.

“Crap!” You exclaimed as you watched some of your papers fly away. You quickly ran down the stairs to chase your papers. Mike did the same, chasing after you.

You sighed in relief as all the papers seemed to be contain in the space in front of you. Luckily, not any on them got sucked through the subway’s tunnel.

You dropped to your knees as you started collecting your pages one by one. Mike knelt down in front of you as he helped you do so.

You heard him chuckle, making you look up at him. “What is it?”

“It’s just like old times, don’t you think?” He spoke softly, reminiscing back to the first time you met each other.

“How can I forget?” You say. You couldn’t help but smile at the memory. You remembered how his two-toned eyes looked with the sunlight gracing his face. The way his hair, which was way shorter back then, was all ruffled up. You even remember the bags under his eyes because who doesn’t lose sleep in college?

Once you had all your papers, Mike was first to stand up. He patted his knees to remove any dust from the pavement.

You were still in the process of putting the pages back to its folders when the subway arrived, the tunnel suddenly being flooded with a sea of people.

“Shit, we have to hurry if we want to able to sit down.” Mike said as he stretched out his hand for you to grab.

You took his hand as he tugged you upwards before running to the subway. Your feet padded across the pavement as he navigated you through the crowd. He was running in front of you, dragging you along with him.

You were bumping into different strangers’ shoulders and Mike noticed the resistance. Suddenly, he slipped his fingers into yours. He interlocked them to have a tighter grip on you. He didn’t want to lose you in this crowd.

Finally, you’ve reached the subway. You waited until everyone from the train has finally left before entering. Mike’s eyes were watching people make their way out of the tunnel. Yours, on the other hand, were set on your intertwined fingers. If anyone was watching you, they’d notice how pink the apples of your cheeks were. Thank god there weren’t any.

You felt Mike squeeze your fingers. “C’mon, let’s go inside.” He said as he faced you before tugging you forward.

You slipped yourselves into the subway. Your eyes scanned the vehicle. There were less people who entered compared to the ones who left. The subway was relatively spacier.

Now it was your turn to drag Mike around. You spotted seats in the end of the subway. There were hardly any people in that area so you tugged Mike in that direction, signalling that the two of you should sit there. He complied, letting you drag him around.

A few steps later, you and Mike plopped down to the seats. Both of you were slightly out of breath after all that running. Mike checked his watch, not realising that he still hasn’t let go of your hand. Not that you minded.

“Hmm,” He hummed as he mentally counted the minutes until you get to your destination.

“I think we’ll be there by 2:25 PM.” He said before shifting his gaze to you. “How far is that agency of yours?”

“Well,” You licked your lips before talking, eyes glancing at your interlocked fingers before facing Mike. “It’s a two-minute walk from the station, according to the people there.” You say.

Mike noticed it. He definitely noticed you looking at your hands. Suddenly, Mike remembered Laura. He quickly let go of your hand, letting it flop down your side.

“I’m sorry ‘bout that. I forgot,” He said with a sheepish smile. His eyes scanned around the subway, trying to find something to talk about so you wouldn’t have to discuss about the handholding. He spotted your untied shoelaces in the corner of your eye.

Your eyebrows furrowed. He forgot what? Before you could ask him, he pointed a finger to your shoelaces.

“You should tie those up. Wouldn’t want you to trip.” He mumbled as he shoved his hands back into the pockets of his jacket, eyes glued to his own shoes.

You eyed him carefully. What was he on about?

“Hold on,” You started before leaning down to your shoelaces. “You forgot?” You ask him.

He looked at you for a while before nodding. “Yeah. I’m really sorry-”

“No, no. Wait, what did you forget?” You ask him as you were tying a knot.

Now it was Mike’s turn to be confused. “I forgot about, you know.”

You shook your head as you finished tying your shoelaces. You leaned back into your seat to get a good look at Mike. Man, he was genuinely confused.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Mike stared at you, bewildered. “Laura,” He said. You continued staring back, waiting for him to finish.

“I forgot about Laura, alright? But don’t tell her that.”

“Wha-”

“She would have murdered me if she found out I was holding her girlfriend’s hand for quite a while.”

Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when you heard ‘girlfriend’. Did Mike really think you and Laura were together?

This had you laughing, throwing your head back in doing so.

Mike was confused as heck at this point. He watched as you continued laughing, tears welling up in your eyes.

He took in a sharp breath. “Was it something I said?” He said slowly, afraid he might have offended you in some way.

You were still shaking with laugher. You waved your hands in front of your face as you tried telling him that it wasn’t that.

“N-No! it wasn’t,” You had to stop as you continued giggling.

Mike huffed, not getting what you were on about. “I said I’m sorry, alright.” He mumbled, pulling the hood of his jacket over his head.

You finally calmed yourself down, wiping the tears on your eyes with the back of your hand. “L-Laura isn’t my girlfriend, Mike.”

Suddenly, Mike snapped his head towards your direction. His hair was peaking out of his hood, waiting until you say that you were kidding. When he realized that you were being serious, he just couldn’t believe it.

“She isn’t?”

He honestly thought you were with Laura for the past years. He made himself forget about all his feelings only to know right at this moment that it was all for nothing.

You giggled at him. “She’s my best friend. That’s all she’s ever going to be!”

“But before we left, you kissed her-”

“Well, that’s just something we do. We just happen to be that close.”

A surge of emotions washed over Mike. This would mean that perhaps, he had a chance with you. He opened his mouth to say something when you cut him off.

“And you shouldn’t have assumed I was with her just because I’m bisexual,” You started getting preachy about your sexuality. You wanted to clear it up. You always did this whenever you and Laura told people you weren’t together.

“Just because I’m into girls too doesn’t mean I can’t hold a platonic relationship with them. It also it doesn’t make me any less loyal,” You leaned back into your seat, ever so slightly shifting closer to Mike before continuing.

“I mean, I’ve liked someone for five years now. If that’s not being loyal, I don’t know what is. It’s kind of pathetic. ” You chuckled in spite of yourself, crossing your arms in front of your chest. You glanced at Mike as you said that sentence.

“It’s a heck load of dedication of ask me.”

“Well, that too.”

Mike felt his heart beat faster. It’s got to be a coincidence, right? That both of you happen to like another person for five years? He didn’t want any false hope but a man could dream.

“I, uh,” He bit his lip, as he looked at you. “I’ve also liked someone for five years so you aren’t alone there.”

You, on the other hand, got a bit discouraged. You overheard the ‘five years’ part and all that entered your head was that he liked someone. Just great. Nonetheless, you smiled up at him.

“Why didn’t you tell that person about your feelings?” He asked you as he looked at his watch.

You scoff. “I could ask you the same thing.” You playfully bumped your shoulder against his.

“Touché,” He chuckled before looking back at you. “But seriously? I think I’m just waiting for the perfect moment.” He said.

You shrugged. “Perfect moment? That doesn’t exist.”

He raised his eyebrow at you, eager to hear your reasoning. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

“I don’t know,” You leaned your head back until it hit the window behind you. “I mean, bad things are always going to happen. There’s always going to be things that would ruin your moment, you know? Someone would always be a bit too late, something would go missing, a reservation could be cancelled,” You started.

Mike chuckled as he gave his own example. “Someone always leaving too soon,” He said, sneaking a glance to your way as he subtly referred to you a few years back.

You nodded. “Yeah, exactly. That’s why you should just do it. When you love someone, you just say it loud. Whatever happens, happens.”

“And what if you get rejected?” Mike countered back.

“Look, here’s what I think. Love is a good thing. What makes the moment special is knowing you’ve had the privilege of loving someone,” You smile to the ground as your mind immediately went to Mike. You didn’t know this but at the very same moment, Mike laid his eyes on you.

You licked your lips before continuing. “And hearing you’re loved back? That is what makes it a perfect moment.”

Mike smiled at you. With this entire conversation, all he could think of was you and every bit of you. He thought he couldn’t find any more reasons to make him fall for you but this very conversation proved him wrong.

“Then why did you wait?” He asked.

You scoffed at yourself. You were a damn coward, there was no denying that fact. “Courage is something you need, of course. Sadly, I don’t have that.” You say, playing with your scarf.

You faced him with a sad smile. “You should tell the girl that you like her.”

He observed that you were avoiding his eyes. “You think so, Y/N?”

You nodded. You wished Mike nothing but happiness, even if it meant not being with you. “I’m sure she’d be glad to hear it.”

You sat in silence for a few seconds. Mike took in your words about the perfect moment. You were right, he thought to himself. If anything, this may be the only chance he has to tell you about how he really feels.

“She wouldn’t freak out?”

You laugh quietly. “That’s really up to the girl. I hope she doesn’t.”

It was quiet between the two of you for a while before he spoke.

“I hope you don’t freak out too.”

Hearing this words made everything stop. Your heart started to beat faster, your hands were getting clammy, and your cheeks were tinting red. You were sure Mike wouldn’t say this just for the heck of it. He wasn’t cruel, he wasn’t going to give you false hope.

“A-Are you saying that I am-”

Mike chuckled at how flustered you looked. “That is what I’m saying. It’s you and it always has been you.”

You stared at him, opening your mouth then quickly closing them when you realized you didn’t know what to say. You were speechless. You were in complete shock.

But overall, you were pretty damn ecstatic to hear those words from him. It was unexpected but you were glad it happened anyways.

The subway stopped to a halt, the sudden stop making you bump into Mike.

He sighed as he realized you’ve finally reached your destination. So much for his grand confession. The two of you stood up, waiting for other people to leave.

“Okay, that freaked you out. Maybe we should wait until you finish your-”

“No,” You say, moving closer to him. He looked at you questioningly.

“I want to hear it. Never would I have thought that the guy I liked would confess in a subway to Queens.” You say as you lightened up the tension between you two, subtly reciprocating his feelings. You slipped your hand in his as you left the vehicle.

Mike swore he saw stars on that moment. He thanked every deity, in every universe, in everything he knew because this was something he only dreamed.

He squeezed your fingers as tugged you through the busy crowd of Queens.

“I’m going to need a little more time to tell you everything,” He started as he navigated your way to the stairs. “Besides, you shouldn’t be too flustered before going to that interview of yours.” He said jokingly.

“I won’t be flustered!” You say defensively.

Mike stared at you for a few seconds before you rolled your eyes playfully. “Okay, maybe a little.”

He smirked. “See? I wouldn’t want to mess up your game.”

“Heck, I don’t care if I don’t get this job. Nothing is ruining this day.” You tell him as you reached the stairs, placing your other hand on the rail.

“Hey, don’t say that. If you get this job, that would be a plus to your day.” He said as the two of you jogged up.

“But if I don’t get it, it’s going to be fine.” You reply as you reached the end of the stairs. You could already spot the building from where you were standing. It was three feet away from you.

“Okay, I do hope I get this job,” You said with all seriousness. You might lose your head if you had to apply at another agency for the ninth time. faced Mike and you saw him smiling down at you. “You’ll be there when everything goes to shit?” You asked him as you started walking towards the door.

He chuckled, giving your fingers a squeeze as he continued rubbing soft circles on the back of your hand. “You bet I would.”

“You mean that?”

“Do you really think I’m still going to kid around? Right now? After what just happened?”

You giggled. “True that.”

You and Mike finally reached the building. You got your phone out of your pocket to check the time.

2:28 PM

You sighed in relief when you realized you weren’t late. You shoved the phone back into your pocket before looking up at Mike, who was staring at you lovingly.

This. This very moment was something you knew you would never dare to forget.

You smiled at him before wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a tight hug. Mike snaked his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him.

You felt Mike snuggle his face into your neck, making you giggle.

“We’re going to have a long talk when I get back.” You whispered into his ear, trying to sound tough and menacing.

He laughed as you felt the vibrations against you. He placed a gentle kiss on your temple before speaking.

“I’ve waited for five years. An hour or two is nothing.”

593 notes · View notes

gentlemanbutch · 7 years

Note

if you do cast fanfic then maybe one where the reader meets will at the stage door and he just like instantly falls in love with her because she says something embarrassing but funny and he's like wow so cute and gives her his number in her playbill and then they start dating

I don’t normally do cast x reader headcanons/fics and probablywon’t do more (or at least not often?) but this was fun to write. Mostlybecause I absolutely adore Will Roland and I almost ran into him outside theMusic Box and absolutely died. SO, here you go!!

Will Roland and Reader Headcanon!!

- Okay so it’s a two-show day, and you andyour best friend go to the matinee (and both of you cry your eyes outobviously)

- Both you and your best friend haveanxiety, so the show means everything to you

- You’re hyperventilating from excitementfrom the start, but you absolutely die when Will Roland walks on stage

- You love all the cast and charactersdearly, and even though you relate the most to Evan, you have a very specialplace in your heart for Jared/Will

- Like seriously, you can be having ahorrible day and watch a video of Will and you’ll feel so much better becausehe’s an actual beam of sunlight

- You may or may not have a picture of himmaking a goofy face set as your lockscreen

- You cry through Sincerely, Me (althoughthis time it’s from laughter…and also because Jared Kleinman is the cutest beanyou’ve ever seen and WILLY FREAKING ROLAND)

- After the show, everyone goes to the stagedoor

- You would love to meet the cast but thecrowd is enormous and loud, and you feel like you’d just fumble over yourselfand not be able to say what you really want to say because social anxiety

- (Plus you’re still EMOTIONAL from watchingthe show…like still shaking and giggling hysterically and crying a little bit)

- You make plans with your best friend towrite the whole cast letters and send them to the theater later

- The two of you go to Schmackary’s becauseyou want a snack and you’ve seen the cast fangirl about it

- They have a bunch of really amazingcookies

- Also the people working there are superfriendly

- You and your best friend are wearing DEHt-shirts, and they ask you if you’ve seen it and of course you both startgushing because you’re really hyper after seeing the show

- They fangirl with you and talk about howawesome it is

- ONE OF THE PEOPLE WORKING HAS MET THEMCAUSE THEY’RE ALWAYS COMING IN HERE

- You’re very very jealous

- Your best friend literally asks if MikeFaist’s hair is as perfect up close as it looked from the stage and everybodydies laughing

- Once you quit fangirling enough toactually, like, breathe, you and your best friend get cookies

- You get a red velvet one and it is to diefor

- You take pictures of it and post them on Instagramand tag Will because the only reason you knew about it in the first place isbecause he’s fangirled about it online

- You and your best friend decide to buy abox of cookies

- And then you’re like “WAIT WE SHOULD SENDSOME TO THE DEH CAST!!”

- So you do (even though Will tweeted awhile ago to stop sending cookies; you figure it was a joke and everybody willstill appreciate them anyway)

- After Schmackary’s, you and your bestfriend just wander for a little while and keep screaming at random intervals, “ICAN’T BELIEVE WE FINALLY SAW THE SHOW!!!”

- The people in Schmackary’s told you abouta theater shop near the hotel where you’re staying, so the two of you go there

- There is so much theater stuff and youfangirl so hard

- The whole thing is full of Hamilton, DearEvan Hansen, and a bunch of other musicals you still need to listen to

- The guy working there sees your shirts andhe fangirls with you, too

- You buy a Hamilton shirt and a notebookwith lyrics from Sincerely, Me on the cover

- It’s getting late, but since you and your bestfriend had a late snack, you’re not quite ready for dinner yet

- You decide to go back to your hotel firstto drop off the cookies and theater merch and then head back out to dinner

- You have to pass the Music Box on your wayto the hotel

- As you walk by, you’re just staring at itin utter awe (and also looking up at the window to see if Mike Faist is there,waving at Corey Cott)

- You’re so distracted you run into someoneand drop the box of cookies

- Your best friend grabs your hand and kindagasps your name

- AND THEN YOU SEE WILL ROLAND STANDING INFRONT OF YOU

- AND YOU ARE KINDA SPEECHLESS

- He’s really apologetic (most of thecookies have spilled on the ground)

- He kneels and starts to try to pick themup (why? who knows, the boy is flustered okay)

- And you kneel too and start picking themup because you’re also very flustered

- Your best friend kneels but is just kindof sitting there squeezing the heck out of your arm because holy crap it’s Will

- The fact that you’re close enough to seethe little spot of brown in his eye is making your heart do actual somersaults(also he’s dressed exactly like Jared and it’s the cutest thing you’ve everseen)

- You just kind of gasp out somethingincoherent about how you can’t believe you ran into him here after you just sawthe show

- And he looks up and has this reallyadorable grin and is like, “Oh, you saw the show today?”

- And you’re like hyperventilating so youjust nod

- And he looks at you for a minute and thenasks where you were sitting

- When you tell him, his grin turns intomore of a smirk and he’s like, “Oh, you were the one crying during Sincerely,Me”

- You almost die of embarrassment but heactually looks really amused, not like he’s making fun of you but like hethought it was cute

- Which is a ridiculous thought but you can’thelp it

- You tell him how much you love Jared

- You’re so anxious because Will is yourhero, but you attempt to tell him you love how hilarious Jared is, but that youalso love the fact that Jared is complex and has his own issues hidden beneathhis humor

- It probably comes out very incoherent but Willgets this huge smile and is so happy anyway

- He finishes collecting the cookies youspilled in a pile (some managed not to fall out of the box, so he’s justputting the dirty cookies next to the box) and he looks at them sadly andcomments that it sucks to have lost such great cookies

- And you’re like “YES we only went therebecause I saw a video where you talked about liking them”

- And then you blush super hard and ask ifthat sounds super stalkery

- Will laughs (and you m e l t because hehas the best laugh ever) and says, “No, I get that a lot. Although not usuallyafter I’ve knocked someone’s cookies on the ground.”

- He is still so apologetic he actually digsout his wallet from his pocket and is going to pay you back?!!???

- And you’re like nooooooo no no

- You tell him you were distracted and itwas totally your fault

- Your best friend blurts out “AND WE SENTYOU GUYS COOKIES SO ENJOY!”

- He bursts out laughing and is just like “ohhhmy gosh do you know how many of those we’ve gotten since I mentioned them?” buthe’s also says thank you and seems really appreciative

- And you just kind of fumble out somethingabout how it’s no big deal and you just really love him and the rest of thecast

- And then your best friend’s like “Y/N,SHOW HIM YOUR PHONE”

- Will’s v confused

- You’re like nooooooooooo no way but thenyour friend is shoving your phone in Will’s face so he can see your lockscreen

- AND YOU DIIEEEEEEEEEE OF EMBARRASSMENT

- But he thinks it’s hilarious

- And you would like to melt into the groundbut I mean you also don’t mind the fact that Will is giggling over somethingyou did

- Your friend is slightly more levelheadedthan you at the moment (she’s more obsessed with Mike, although obvs she stillloves Will) and she’s like, “We still have our playbills, can you sign them?”

- And you kind of shush her because obviouslyWill is in a hurry and needs to go to the next show

- And she’s giving you a look like “um hellothis man just sat here on the sidewalk picking up cookies like an idiot, I’msure he can spare two seconds”

- And Will says of course they’ll sign himbut he does have to get going afterward

- You pull your playbill out of your purseand hand it to him and your hands are shaking so bad omg

- And he’s like “Oh, did you guys not go tothe stage door?”

- He apparently didn’t go because he waseating

- And you just mumble something about beingtoo anxious to go

- He gets kind of a soft look in his eyesand tells you he completely understands but also that the cast would have lovedto meet you (basically reminds you they’re just regular people too and alsounderstand having social anxiety issues)

- Once again, you melt. And almost cry alittle.

- Your best friend is at your side andbecause you’re tongue tied she tells Will how much the show means to both ofyou

- “Y/N and I got on a plane and came here byourselves, and we both have anxiety soooo yeah we’re very obsessed with theshow”

- She nudges you and jokingly asks if youhave anything to add

- And you’re still speechless so you justlet out this shaky laugh and say, “This is why I didn’t go to the stage door, Iknew I’d never be able to say what I wanted to”

- Will still has that really soft look in hiseyes, and he says, “Well, feel free to come back sometime while you’re in NewYork”

- And you and your friend laugh because he’sobviously joking and you two don’t have $1000+ to drop on another show (whichis probs sold out anyway!)

- You tell him goodbye and to have fun atthe show and to enjoy the cookies you sent

- He says sorry again for ruining yourcookies and that it was nice to meet you

- SWOON

- You and your best friend just stand therefor a minute giggling because WILLY FREAKING ROLAND just talked to you guys

- And then you look down at your playbill

- Will’s signature is written over Evan’scast with a phone number written below

- To make a long story short, you call himthe next day and get to go backstage and meet the entire cast

- And you may or may not be completely inlove with this beautiful bean

#will roland x reader #will roland #deh headcanons #deh headcanon #dear evan hansen #this is utter fluff and i feel kinda weird doing fanfics/headcanons about real people but idk this one was fun #anyway

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a-second-hand-sorrow · 6 years

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Can I get uhhhhh Mike Faist x trans male!Reader where the reader has highkey anxiety and dysphoria? (Totally not self projecting..) thank!!

Hi I am so very sorry but I no longer write for real people/actors!

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auspicious-manner · 8 months

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Inspired by the challengers trailer release, can you write one where Mike is anxious about the trailer for his new movie coming out and the reader calms him down? Thanks!

still upset that we won’t be getting challengers until next year 😭 but blonde mike is so superior omg i can’t wait for that movie to come out

also, i rewatched outer banks and realized that i could probably write for outer banks as well! i’m not sure if it’s something i’d want to focus my page on like mike, djats, newsies, etc, but i’d love to try writing for it! if anyone has any requests for obx stories, i’d love to write for pope, john b, jj, or rafe when i open my requests again :)

female reader x mike faist

warnings: anxiety, panic attack?

mike taglist: @diorgirl444

Breathe

•

you’ve been waiting years for mike to finally become a household name. he became known in the theater world first, and west side story boosted him into a more mainstream audience. but this movie was going to be the one to catapult him into the fame you always knew he was destined to get; he was in a movie with zendaya, one of the biggest stars of this generation.

the morning of the trailer release, you opened your eyes after sleeping in mike’s bed to find mike sitting up at the edge of the bed, looking off into space melancholically.

“mike?” you asked softly, dazed from sleep. you sat up when he didn’t answer, rubbing your hand on his bare back. “mike?”

this time he turned his head to the side to look at you, and you remained behind him, your hands on his back.

“good morning, Y/N,” he asked, putting a lazy kiss on the side of your head. “did you sleep well?”

you nodded. “i did. you?”

mike didn’t react right away, but you could tell the answer was no. he looked into your eyes for a moment before looking down at his hands in his lap.

“are you okay? are you sick or anything?” you questioned, adjusting your body so you were sitting next to him on the bed. you knew this behavior was abnormal for him.

“no, no, it’s not that,” he said, trailing off as he put on a shirt. “i’m fine, i promise.”

you didn’t fully believe him, but you knew it was better to not pressure him to talk. “okay, i understand,” you said gently. you stood up, standing in front of him. “how about i make you a nice breakfast to celebrate the big day?”

you held your hand out in front of you, and he took it, standing up to meet you. he flinched a bit when you mentioned the big day, but he quickly put on a smile. “i’d love that.”

you wanted to treat mike as much as possible today. today, his life and yours would drastically change. it was the trailer release day for mike’s new movie titled challengers. it was going to bring a lot of new attention to mike, and there would be a lot of eyes on him, especially since he’s playing opposite zendaya.

it was clear that something in mike seemed off leading up to the day of the release, but you brushed it off as general nerves. hell, you’d be nervous too if your life and fame was going to change in an instant. you wanted to make him as comfortable as possible, and support him as much as you could.

“how do pancakes sound?” you asked, collecting ingredients from around the kitchen. when there was no reply, you turned around to see mike zoning off, his mind engulfed in thoughts.

“mike?” you asked, him snapping out of his daze.

“what? oh, sorry, pancakes sound good,” he said, forcing a smile.

you continued, frowning. “mike, are you sure you’re fine? you’re acting strange.” you paused, breaking eye contact for a moment before looking at him again. “and please, don’t lie to me.”

he looked like he was debating on speaking. you put down the ingredients in your hands and looked at mike from across the counter, putting your full attention on him. without using words, you were willing him to tell you what was wrong.

he sighed. “i…i’m scared,” mike finally said. his eyes remained down at his cup of coffee.

“and why is that?” you asked, leaning onto the counter. you asked despite already knowing the answer.

he looked up at you, and he clearly knew that you knew the answer. “you do realize everything is going to change after today, right?” mike asked quietly.

you shrugged. “i mean, yeah, but part of our lives will still be the same.”

“but that’s just it, it won’t be the same,” he said, his voice growing slightly louder. “it can’t be the same. there’s going to be more attention on me now, more eyes watching my every move. our every move.”

you knew exactly what he meant. everything would change after today, but there were certainly positives to it.

“well, i know one thing that won’t change,” you stated.

“what?”

you smiled. “us.”

mike finally smiled back. your purposefully cheesy comment didn’t affect him in the way that you wanted. “yeah, i guess so.”

you finished making breakfast, with mike in a slightly better mood than he was before. he remained quiet, however, and it was evident that he still had so much on his mind.

mike had never been good with expressing his emotions to you. he made it his responsibility to keep you happy, and if he was down, he knew you would be too. he knew if he tried to keep a front that he was always okay, you would eventually believe it. but, little did he know that you weren’t as naive as he believed you to be. you saw he was stressed.

after eating, it was getting closer and closer to the release time. it was going live at 11am, and zendaya was planning on posting the trailer to her instagram. it was 10:45am.

you and mike sat down on the couch, your phone in hand. you opened your phone and left it on instagram, planning to refresh the home page when 11 o’clock hit.

mike looked pale. he wouldn’t look you in the eye, and he seemed more tense than ever. you sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few long minutes.

“mike, are-” you began several minutes later before being interrupted suddenly.

“what if this doesn’t go the way we wanted it to?” he asked, not truly looking for an answer from you.

“well, it-” you started again before being interrupted once again.

“in a few minutes, my life will never be the same ever again, Y/N. neither will yours. if this movie doesn’t sell like it should, my career is ruined. if it sells, then i get more jobs, and that’s just more opportunities to potentially fuck up whatever i have going for me. i’m going to be watched at all times, and so will you. one wrong move and it’s all over.”

he was breathing heavily at this point, almost hyperventilating. it looked like he could have a full blown panic attack at any moment.

“i-i don’t want to put you through that,” he said, running a hand through his hair nervously. his voice remained stoic while his body was panicking. “i just… i don’t-”

it was your turn to interrupt him. “hey mike?”

he paused, turning to you confusedly. “yeah?”

“breathe.”

mike froze briefly, and you rested a hand on his back. he kept his gaze focused on your eyes, almost as if just by looking at you, you were anchoring him and keeping his thoughts steady.

you felt as his back slowly rose as he took a deep breath, and you did it with him. you both just gazed at each other and breathed until mike’s demeanor was not one of fear, but calm. full calmness took over him for the first time in who knows how long.

“better?” you asked gently.

he nodded before hugging you. “i’m sorry for acting weird recently. i just got so lost in my thoughts, i couldn’t think straight,” he sheepishly said into your shoulder.

“i don’t blame you, mike. it’s scary, i know.”

you looked down at your phone, which now said 10:59.

“it’s almost time,” you said while sitting up, bringing mike with you. he still seemed nervous, but it was a healthy type of nervous, the kind that feels more like excitement than anxiousness.

he held your hand, and you gave him a reassuring squeeze. when the time on your phone changed to 11am, you breathed in and refreshed your instagram page.

immediately, a new video showed up under zendaya’s account, and you and mike watched the new trailer together, smiling. he was glad to be watching now, and you snuck a glance at him as he watched the trailer. you could tell he was proud of himself.

when it finished, he looked at you, a wide grin on his face.

“i’m so proud of you, mike,” you said, knowing that those words were still an understatement. just to fuel his ego, you paused before adding, “you’re the coolest person i know.”

he laughed and leaned in, kissing you softly. “i’m glad you think so.”

#mike faist #mike faist imagine #mike faist x reader #mike faist fanfiction

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auspicious-manner · 2 years

Note

Hi, could you write a bit angsty mike faist x reader where they are in relationship and reader thinks that she isn' enough pretty/fit for him, because he is a dancer and an actor? And mike comforts her about that?

i’m sorry for the slow updates, life has been so busy but i’m still around, just working at a slower pace!

this story was a hard one for me to write. not because i had writers block, but because i related deeply to some of the content in this one. i’ve struggled with body dysmorphia, overthinking, and anxiety before, and this story resonates with me and probably so many others as well. i wanted to approach it in a way that would make me feel comforted if i was actively struggling with these issues.

female reader x mike faist

warnings: anxiety, body dysmorphia, harassment from men, rude comments about body, panic attack

Perfect to Me

•

as humans, we have complex emotions and moods that sometimes seem to make zero sense whatsoever. sometimes they can be positive feelings, like love and joy. sometimes they can be negative, like jealousy and resentment. however bad or good, these emotions make us human, and are completely normal.

at least, that’s what Y/N told herself everyday. she hoped that if she kept repeating that mindset in her brain, it would start to become the truth. her mind was intricate, and her thoughts would sometimes spiral out of control. these thoughts only elevated when she met her boyfriend. all day every day, she was a conflicting mix of proud and in love, while also being down and disappointed.

Y/N couldn’t begin to find the words to describe her boyfriend, mike faist. he was everything to her. he had made a name for himself, and he was the epitome of a triple threat. she had met him shortly after he joined the cast of “dear evan hansen” on broadway, and they quickly became close. a year later, they began to date, and since they made it official two years ago, Y/N had an ongoing inner battle with herself.

mike was a star. he was the most talented person she knew. and Y/N? she didn’t think of herself as anything more than just a girl. every day, she questioned why mike chose her out of the millions of girls he could have had.

she lived with him in new york city, and worked as a paid intern at the headquarters of an up and coming fashion company. when her schedule allowed, she would visit him while on set or at a stage production of his.

one morning, she had to wake up early for a business meeting at the office, and the alarm on her smart watch woke her up at exactly six in the morning. Y/N’s eyes shot open, and she saw that mike was still fast asleep at her side. she slowly wriggled her way out of his grasp as to not wake him, stopping every few seconds to make sure he was still asleep. finally, her feet touched the cold wood below her and she peered outside her apartment window to see the sun rising above the city.

she went to the bathroom and glanced over her average features in the mirror. her once defined facial structures were starting to fall, her hips were wide, her stomach wasn’t completely flat, and her arms were looking extra big today. Y/N sighed, her feelings weighing heavily on her conscience.

she got dressed for work, putting on a tight skirt with a long sleeved blouse tucked in. she looked over herself, and saw that the fabric closely hugged her curves.

Y/N tried to sneak around mike who was still sleeping as best she could. however, when she dropped her phone on the ground in the bedroom resulting in the loudest thud possible, he shot up from bed.

“are you okay?” he asked groggily. “i heard something fall.”

Y/N frowned. “sorry mike, i just dropped my phone.”

“are you leaving?” mike asked, still squinting at her as his eyes adjusted to the morning light.

“yeah, but i’ll be back around four today.”

“okay, i’ll be home at about six. have a good day at work,” he said as Y/N walked over to the bed and leaned down to give mike a kiss.

“i’ll try. you have a good day too.”

“i love you, Y/N.”

“i love you too, mike,” she responded before leaving.

she walked out of the apartment complex and down the streets of new york to the office where she worked, which was only a few blocks away. she entered the building, being greeted by the smell of coffee, fabric, and paper. Y/N went straight to her boss’s office to collect her tasks for the day.

she knocked on his door gently before hearing a grisly “come in” from the other side. she opened it and saw her boss, named henry beauford.

beauford wasn’t known for being a kind boss. he often subjected his workers to unpaid overtime and overworking, and was unnecessarily harsh on those who worked every day to make his company grow. Y/N was afraid of him, considering one wrong move would have her blacklisted from any other fashion company in new york.

he had old, sunken eyes, and a taste for stylish suits. his hair was fading from a dull brown to a light grey, and his cheek bones remained chiseled despite his age.

beauford looked up from his desk and eyed Y/N. “good morning. i have to start our meeting in roughly…” he started, glancing at his watch. “ten minutes. go get me and anyone else here that wants coffee some coffee. i want my usual.”

Y/N nodded and quickly left the room, making her way to the coffee station on the second floor. on her way, she got four more orders to make.

she began pouring the hot coffee into cups, but was interrupted when she felt a tap on her shoulder. she turned around and saw a coworker of hers named jesse.

jesse was constantly talking to her and flirting, despite Y/N’s best attempts to shoo him away. she mentioned to him that she had a boyfriend multiple times, yet he still went after her. she was not in the mood to deal with the likes of him today.

“hey Y/N, how has your morning gone?” he asked smoothly.

“just fine, thanks jesse.”

he paused. “tomorrow night, i was going to go out to dinner with friends, but my date flaked on me. i need someone by my side for the dinner, want to come with me?” jesse asked with a smile.

“no thank you.”

“come on, i’ll pay,” he persisted.

“i said no,” Y/N said, harsher this time.

jesse’s smile fell. “i’m surprised your boyfriend hasn’t broken up with you, you aren’t necessarily all that beautiful. he could do much better, and you know it. but you’d be perfect for me. i don’t need a perfect girl.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. she knew jesse was right; mike could do so much better. however, hearing it aloud was a whole new feeling for her.

“i-i’m going to go deliver my coffees.”

she ran off, leaving jesse in the dust. she made her rounds in the office, taking her time delivering the coffees to the various employees. finally, on her last stop, she made it to beauford’s once again.

she knocked, and when the familiar “come in” sounded, Y/N entered to find beauford and jesse having a conversation. as soon as she stepped foot into the room, their eyes fell on her in a cold as ice way.

“i-is something wrong?” Y/N asked nervously, resting the cup on his desk.

beauford looked her up and down. “yes, actually. there is,” he started. jesse was smiling devilishly at the look on Y/N’s face.

“jesse brought to my attention that your outfit isn’t exactly… office appropriate,” beauford stated.

Y/N squinted her eyes. “what? this is perfectly within the dress code.”

“the clothes themselves are, but they hug your body a bit too tight. we can see all of your curves.”

Y/N looked down. she wasn’t big, but she definitely was not skinny. the curves on her stomach and hips were what she was most insecure about, and her clothes apparently highlighted the natural curvature of her body too much.

she wasn’t having any of it. “so if a skinny girl wore this outfit, it would be okay?”

“precisely. that’s why i’m going to send you home for a few days to hopefully get rid of a few of those curves.”

Y/N’s face fell from a look of anger to a look of pure horror and embarrassment. tears welled up in her eyes, and jesse sent her a sly smile. he was behind all of this because he was tired of being rejected.

at this point, her mind was completely torn on what to do. half of her wanted to fight it, give them a piece of her mind. then again, she wanted this job. it was her dream to design clothes, and this job could get her there.

Y/N gulped, trying to ignore the lump in her throat and the red on her cheeks. “okay, i’m sorry. see you in a few days.”

she turned around and walked out, holding back the tears that were trying so desperately to make an appearance.

as Y/N walked home, it felt like the streets of new york were spinning. her mind was dazed, and it felt like that until she unlocked the door to her and mike’s apartment and closed herself inside.

when she made it inside, she burst into tears. she had never felt so humiliated, torn down, and embarrassed. and the worst part was that she knew what they said was right.

Y/N ran to the bathroom and viewed herself in the mirror. her curves were very much present, and her puffy eyes added to the disillusion that she was anything less than beautiful. she continued sobbing and slid her back against the door.

her breathing was becoming irregular, and her tears slowed when she began to hyperventilate. she reached for her phone to call mike, but there was no reply.

“mike, please!” she yelled, trying it again. her heart rate quickened, and she continued gasping for air.

she tried and tried again, but stopped when she remembered that mike probably didn’t want anything to do with her. she was nothing, and he was something. he shouldn’t have to console Y/N in a moment like this.

she laid down on the floor, hoping to stop the pain in her chest and her headache. the panic attack made her feel like she needed to pass out. then, Y/N felt her body disassociate until everything went black, and she was out cold.

Y/N’s eyes slowly fluttered open, and she saw the ceiling above her. she felt the cold tile underneath her body, and she couldn’t remember why she was laying on the ground. however, she felt like she had a long, much needed nap.

she checked the time, which was five o’clock. she couldn’t believe she had slept for that long.

she knew that mike would be home in an hour. when Y/N saw a message from her boss about what day she would be coming back to work and missed calls from mike, all of what had happened in the morning came flooding back to her.

her lip quivered, and she gently cried once again. this cry wasn’t a panicked, heart-wrenching sob like her previous one was. this one was slower, more melancholic.

she sat her back against the wall and cried it out. she thought about how much she hated her appearance, and how much she felt like a disappointment compared to her boyfriend. she almost felt it’d be easier to break up with him before she got even more attached to someone she knew she shouldn’t have.

the time flew by, and before she knew it, the familiar sound of mike unlocking their apartment door came from outside the closed bathroom door. Y/N’s tears halted for a moment before continuing when she heard his footsteps.

“Y/N, i’m home,” mike announced, worry already present in his voice. Y/N tried to give a reply, but no words came out.

“Y/N? where are you? i received so many missed calls from you today.” he questioned.

finally, Y/N croaked a harsh “in here.”

the footsteps quickened, and there was a knock at the door before mike pulled open the door. he looked around and saw a hunched over Y/N pressed against the wall, still in her work clothes and eyes puffy from crying.

“oh my god Y/N, what happened?” mike asked, bending down in front of her. the concern in his voice made Y/N begin crying again. he placed his hands on her arms comfortingly.

Y/N sighed and stood up. mike stood up too, and she turned her back to him.

“what’s wrong? did i do something?” he asked, his voice getting more confused by the second.

she shook her head. “n-no. it’s not you, it’s me.”

mike frowned. “what-?”

“today at work, a male coworker of mine was fed up with me not giving him a chance. he went to my boss, and he made up a dress code rule and sent me home to lose a few pounds. all because my outfit hugged my curves too tight.”

mike turned red with anger, and his face scrunched up. “that’s it, those men can’t treat you like this. that’s ridiculous.”

mike’s face softened when he realized there was something deeper going on. “Y/N don’t let those men get to you. they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“but the thing is they’re right,” she exclaimed, mike’s heart breaking with every word. she took a pause. “they’re right. i’m not as skinny as i could be, i’m not all that pretty, and i’m boring. and you? you’re amazing. you’re doing big things and i’m just kind of… there. you can do so much better, mike. so much better. you deserve someone good.”

mike stared back at her, and Y/N swore she saw a glimmer of tears in his eyes. he stepped closer to her. “is that really what you think?”

Y/N nodded and cried harder. “yes.”

mike wrapped her in a hug, but she didn’t hug back. she loved the feeling of being close to him, but the more distant she could be, the easier it would be to break things off.

mike pulled away, his arms lingering around her. he took his hands and wiped away her tears.

“mike, i don’t want to grow more attached than i already am. you need to go find someone else, i’m holding you back,” she pleaded.

mike pressed his hands against her cheeks and tilted her head up to make her look him in the eyes.

“i fell in love with you for a reason. do you know why?”

Y/N shook her head, and mike continued. “i fell in love with you because i didn’t like the idea of being with someone just like me. i like having a humble, regular girl. you aren’t flashy, you aren’t loud, you’re simply you. and that’s enough for me.” he removed a hand and gently used his other thumb to rub her cheek.

“but i-”

“let me finish,” mike interrupted. “you’re ambitious, brave, strong, cool, smart, and so much more. you complete me and ground me more than anyone. you keep me sane in the busiest of times. you help me so much more than you’d ever know. i need you, Y/N.”

“are you sure?” she asked innocently.

mike smiled. “i’ve always been sure. you’re perfect in my eyes, sweetheart, and i’ve always known you’re the one for me. you’re beautiful inside and out.”

“who told you i was perfect?” she asked, a small smile on her lips.

“no one had to tell me. you just are.”

Y/N leaned her head into his chest and cried some more. mike rested his hand behind her head, and wrapped the other one around her back.

she sniffled. “i’m sorry.”

“for what? you have nothing to apologize for,” mike consoled.

“i’m sorry for being obnoxious about this. today just sucked, really bad.”

“it’s my job as your boyfriend to keep you happy, safe, and comfortable. i would do this for you at any time,” he said quietly, trying not to cry in response to Y/N’s endless tears.

they stayed in their hug in the bathroom until Y/N calmed down. for her, she needed this love, and she couldn’t fathom the thought of breaking things off with him anymore. he was her rock.

#mike faist #mike faist imagine #mike faist x reader #mike faist fanfiction

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