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theonewiththefanfics · 4 years

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Because Hearts Get Broken - Loving Is The Antidote (Part 3/3)

Because Hearts Get Broken Part 3 :) read the first two on my masterlist

Synopsis: Overcoming fears is not an easy thing, but maybe it’s worth a shot if the ending leads to happiness.

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Genre: kinda angsty, mostly fluffy and SHMUTTYYYYYYYYY

Warnings: SMUT!!! (so beware, this is kinda sweet, but oh so filthy; unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), m going down on f, slight fingering etc), swearing

Word count: 5895

Y/N had never been so nervous while getting ready for a show. She liked to be front-row, right by the stage to feel as close to the music as possible, the energy of the crowd filling her up and making her buzz with excitement, even hours after the concert was done.

The thing was – with when they started dating and then with the pandemic shutting everything down in spring, Y/N had never seen Harry live. Sure, he’d given her private concerts, had sung her any song she wanted, but this was different. Somehow, even though there were more people, it felt more intimate because this wasn’t just him lulling Y/N to sleep. This was Harry baring part of his soul to the world, and doing it with such ease, it made her heart ache.

The venue was small, at least compared to the arena sizes Y/N knew he typically performed at. There were around 100ish or so people, and the line was quite quick to move.

She told the woman with the clipboard her name and provided some ID. The list wasn’t that long, and it took her barely two seconds to spot the name, as she smiled and gave Y/N a nod.

“I’ll have Bert escort you to the backstage if you’ll just follow him, please.”

“Could I actually watch from the crowd?” Y/N asked biting her lip. “I love being a part of it, you know. Feel the energy and stuff.”

“Uh, sure.” The woman gave her an uncertain look. “It’s just that Mr Styles asked for you to be brought backstage, and umm…”

“If Harry says anything,” Y/N put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I’ll deal with it. Please, don’t worry too much. Unless he wants a kidnapping charge, he’ll deal with the fact that I’m inside the venue.”

And that seemed to do the trick, as the girl, visibly relaxed and even laughed a bit, handing Y/N back her ID and motioning with her head to go inside.

Small tables had been set up, and each one could house four people at a time. Most of them had already been taken and given how she didn’t want to draw any attention, Y/N decided to take one of the tables at the very back, a pillar half obscuring the stage and with that – her face.

The enthusiasm was palpable in the air, and people were chattering away, anticipating the moment Harry with his band would walk onto the stage. A waitress came up to her, asking if she wanted anything to eat or drink.

“And your name, please? To set up a tab.”

“Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Oh,” her eyes went a bit wide. “Um, no need to pay then.”

Her brows furrowed. “Excuse me?”

“We’ve been told that anything you order should be put on Mr Sty – “

“Mr Styles tab,” Y/N finished the sentence with a chuckle. “Yeah. Okay… well, is it possible for you to not say anything to him and let me pay for my drinks?”

“I – “ she shrugged. “I guess?”

“Just the G&T please.”

The waitress nodded and clicked her pen, still seemingly unsure about what to do, but ultimately deciding to go with what Y/N asked. “Coming right up.”

The lights dimmed, and Y/N’s attention was brought to the stage, where she saw Harry, Sarah, Mitch, Adam, Naomi and Charlotte appear and take their places, as applause and cheers became their background music.

He looked good, very good, in fact. His brown hair was the typical messy mop on top of his head, the signature pearl necklace around his neck, while he sported the soft rainbow cardigan, a sharp-looking high neck button-up, and black slacks, with black boots.

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice,” Harry started, and it made a collective chuckle rise into the air. He could post a fleeting comment on Instagram saying he was having a concert in three minutes, and there’d be ten thousand fans waiting for him. “When ‘Save the Children’ reached out to us and asked if we could help them raise some donations, we immediately hopped on the idea, and it warms our hearts seeing so many of you here, and the fact that you’re supporting their cause.”

Loud cheers immediately exploded, and Y/N obviously joined in.

“All proceeds for the tickets made today will go to them, as will any other donations you decide to give, so, I hope you do, and let’s get the show going.”

That was Sarah’s cue to hit her drumsticks together three times, as the notes of ‘Golden’ rattled the air.

Seeing Harry in his element was nothing short of electric. Although he was sitting down, and most of the songs he sang were acoustic versions, it was dazzling to see the passion seep out of his body and into the lyrics he'd composed.

Throughout most of it, his green eyes kept scanning over the gathered people, while flitting to see what was happening behind the curtain, and it made Y/N sort of giddy, thinking that he might be trying to find her.

Because in truth, he was. When Harry had arrived, he was all nerves and jitters, which had never happened before a show. Well, never before had Y/N come to one of his shows, so there was also that.

All throughout prep, he was waiting for someone from the staff to come up to him and tell him his girl had come, but no one did, until like five minutes before he was supposed to perform, a breathless woman, who seemed so nervous she was about to pass out, had tapped him on the shoulder.

“Is she here?” Now he was the breathless one.

“Uh, yeah, Y/N arrived a little while ago.”

His forehead creased in confusion. “Then, where is she? No one came to inform me.”

“I’m so sorry Mr Styles, but she asked to be allowed into the crowd, she uh… didn’t wanna be taken backstage.”

“Oh.”

That was literally all he could manage, as his heart dropped. “Well… at least she’s here.” He gave the assistant a smile. “Thank you. I uh, I hope you’ll enjoy the show.”

Then it was call-time, and he had to gather himself as he walked on the small podium, taking his place by the mic, and beginning the concert.

After each song, he scanned the gathered people, in hopes of seeing Y/N’s face, but she had hidden really well, and when he’d looked to the sides, wishing to see her frame standing there, he had to remind himself, that she was there, and he still had to fulfil a little surprise, which he hoped she’d like.

“You know when writing… songs are inspired by many things, but just like with books you reread, they can get new meanings and make you feel different than before. So, although I had no clue this person existed when I wrote this song, the second I met her, I knew it was about her. She’s uh, she’s here tonight.”

Y/N’s head snapped up from where she’d been propping it against her hand so hard, she was sure she heard a bone crack.

No.

Fucking.

Way.

“So, I’d like to end this small get together and dedicate it to her. And I know this isn’t one of her favourite songs,” Harry let out a small laugh, Sarah mimicking it behind the drums. “She told me she’s kind of sick of it, given how it was all over the radio at one point, but uh, I hope that maybe, she - uh - she just listens to the words, and knows I mean it.”

Y/N didn’t even need the first chord to be played to know what song he meant. ‘Adore You’.

During their quarantine, she’d jokingly said if it played one more time on the radio, she’d have to break up with him.

He’d yanked her down on the couch, nose nuzzling into her hair. “ ‘N why’s that? Thought you liked my singing.”

“I do,” Y/N wove her fingers into his locks and massaged at his scalp, making Harry let out a satisfied groan. “I just don’t wanna hear you sing about loving and adoring someone that ain’t me.”

A playful smirk pressed against her skin. “Jealous, are we?”

“No,” Y/N shrugged pinching his side. “Jus’ tired of the song.”

“Don’t worry.” He brought his face from where he’d hidden it by her shoulder and turned hers to face him. “From now on, whenever I’ll sing it, I’ll sing it for you. You’re the only person I wanna love and adore.”

“What about Gem and your mum.”

A disgusted look passed over his features. “Not in that way!”

“Harry!” Y/N slapped his arm as both of them dissolved into laughter.

“You don’t have to say you love me,” he sung, breaking her out of the trance, “you don’t have to say nothing, you don’t have to say you’re mine.”

She’d never hated the song, never meant it when she’d said that, and could never be mad at Harry for having written out his feelings, woven them into notes and masterfully put it together for others to hear.

It was a weird notion to Y/N though, knowing everyone in the world could hear how he’d loved someone so much, but that was just because of her own inability to properly express her feelings. Yet now, listening to him sing that song for her, made her chest hurt.

Thankfully Y/N wasn’t the only one sniffling in the audience, so she wasn’t standing out that much. She was kind of scared that Harry might look over and others would connect the dots, but he didn’t, not really at least. His green eyes scanned the people, but mostly he kept his gaze on the floor, as if afraid of what reaction everyone would have as the song ended.

“Thank you,” he muttered into the microphone the cheers morphed into ovations, while he pressed his fingers against his lips and ‘sent’ the kiss to the audience before retreating backstage with his band in tow. As people started to filter out, groups heading down the street while others lingered in hopes of catching a glimpse or having a word with Harry, Y/N waited by the table, finishing off her drink before moving towards the backstage.

“I uh.” She showed one of the security guards her ID. “I was told I can come backstage?”

The burly man looked down at the woman next to him, who much like the assistant before had a clipboard. When she found Y/N’s name she looked up and smiled. “Right this way.”

They wove through the small walkways, as people rushed back and forth, coiling up wires, dismantling the drum-set and carefully placing the instruments in their boxes for them to be put in the van.

“He’ll be back here in a minute,” the representative said, opening up a door where Harry’s name was plastered on, letting her step in, and Y/N nodded, pulling her jumper sleeves down her palms.

It was a nervous habit of hers, having switched over from biting her nails to plucking at loose threads of clothing to now pulling at them. Harry had been the one to help her get rid of the biting.

“How am I supposed to paint your nails, if you rip them off?”

Y/N had scoffed shoving him a bit. “You have your own nails to paint.”

“Yes, but I wanna make your pretty too.”

“You telling me I ain’t pretty enough for you?”

“No, I think you’re gorgeous, but,” he’d leaned closer to her, so close she could feel his teeth graze her earlobe, “I do love it when I can see marks on my back in the morning.”

Y/N let out a shaky breath, as butterflies tumbled through her stomach. Three minutes of anticipation and the door clicked open, making her whip around and come face to face with Harry.

“Hey,” he breathed out. “I uh I didn’t really think you’d come, but I’m really happy you did.”

Y/N shrugged toeing at the ground and smoothing her hands against her thighs. “I’ll always do everything I can to support you. Being together is not a condition in my book for making sure you’re alright and happy.”

“Did you uh – di –“

“Did I hear the song?” she interrupted him, and Harry visibly gulped nodding.

“Yeah.” It was barely a whisper, her eyes cast down, noticing how his foot was tapping an irregular rhythm.

“And?”

“And?” Y/N let out a chuckle before leaning down to the couch and grabbing a pillow. “How! Dare! You!” she yelled, hitting his arm with it. “You think you can just do that, you think you can dedicate a song – a fucking love song – to me and get away with it? You think you can just be sweet and nice and so fucking loving and not make me fall in love with you more? And – and – and you just think you can do that?! And make me feel things?”

Harry’s smile was blinding, as he grabbed the pillow, throwing it onto the sofa, and eliminating the two remaining steps between the two, hands on her waist, forehead to hers, as Y/N huffed seeing the smirk bloom even more on his lips. “I made you feel things, huh?”

“Yes,” she grumbled crossing her arms in front of her chest, but in no way was she attempting to push away from him, actually relishing his touch and warmth, and his skin against hers. “You did. And I hate you for that.”

“Do ya really, dove?” He was smiling wider than before.

Her nose brushed against his. “Very much so.”

“I love you too. So much.”

“You sure you want to take a chance on me?” Y/N had to ask. “It’s – I can’t promise it’ll be easy.”

“Love’s not supposed to be easy. And you’re worth it. You’re worth everything to me.”

“Okay then…” She had to suppress the cry that threatened to break out of her throat by clearing it. “But on one condition,” Y/N stated with all seriousness. “You give me a proper shag right here, right now, because I’ve missed you so much, I won’t be able to wait until home.”

“Fuck, dove!” Harry groaned and cupped her cheeks, pulling her lips to his. “They’re gonna ban me from here,” Harry muttered against Y/N’s mouth, trying to wiggle out of the cardigan.

“Then let’s give them a reason,” Y/N hummed against his lips, as her fingers, shaky but still nimble, undid the first button to his high-collared shirt.

Down and down, they went until the planes of his chest and stomach were exposed, and she could indulge herself by letting her palms and nails rake over the skin and the tattoos.

“Wanna taste you,” Harry gasped pulling away for a breath of air. “Haven’t had you in so long, wanna feel you cum on my tongue.”

Y/N’s eyes rolled to the back of her head from his words alone, and given how she didn’t trust her voice to not shake, she nodded her head, helping him get her boots off, toeing the socks with them and then shimmying out of her jeans.

Her bottom half was practically naked when Harry pulled her by the thighs, legs around his waist and lowered her on the shabby sofa. Her mind was so hazy from all the love and pleasure, Y/N didn’t even care about how it probably hadn’t had a good deep clean in ages.

Skilful hands lifted up her jumper, exposing the tank underneath. Harry raised his eyebrow. “How many layers do you have on? I want you naked.”

“It’s fucking winter in New York.” Y/N helped him remove the piece of clothing he found so offensive. “Did you want me to come in just lingerie and freeze my tits off?”

He hummed before looking up. “Speaking of tits? Can I see ‘em?”

“Maybe. If you eat me out first.”

“Deal.”

The thing was, as much as Harry wanted to dive right into it, he was feeling mischievous, so he decided to drag out the process as much as possible. Hands caressing her sides, he lifted the shirt so he could press kisses to her stomach, leaving invisible marks of love with every step of the way, and he grinned to himself hearing Y/N’s breath hitch as he reached her underwear.

There was an embarrassingly large wet spot, and Harry pressed his hips against the couch to somewhat minimise the pain he was starting to feel. He was not gonna blow a load in his pants when he finally got to be with Y/N again.

“Can I take 'em off?” Harry murmured, leaving a fluttery press of his mouth against her hipbone, while she viciously nodded.

Quickly he pressed a kiss to the spot he’d soon be able to see unclothed, and it made Y/N jerk, but fuck she was eager, pupils blown so much there was nothing left of her usual Y/E/C eyes, but two black abysses.

Harry’s were quite the same, as the green had turned dark jade, and even that was a small ringlet around his intense gaze.

“Do not!” She pointed a finger at him, and Harry stopped mid-motion, just as he was going to pocket her panties. “I won’t go commando while wearing jeans.”

“But –“

“It’s not you who’ll chafe.”

Harry huffed, and put them on the side of the couch. “Fine. But just so you know, you’re very boring and are ruining all the fun.”

“At least I won’t have to deal with a yeast infection.”

He couldn’t argue with that, running his hands over her thighs. “Fair enough. But you owe me a kiss.”

“Come here, you doofus,” she grabbed at the open lapels of his shirt and pulled him down, arms looping around his broad shoulder to have his chest pressed against hers and bring their lips back together.

For a couple of minutes, they let their tongues dance in the familiar rhythm. There were no teeth clashing, no foreheads bumping or biting. Despite both of their eagerness, they’d decided to revel in being together, so each kiss was experienced to the fullest.

“Better?” she asked, completely out of breath, as they pulled apart.

“Yeah.” Harry smiled, mind a blissed-out haze. “Now, where were we?”

She couldn’t really think straight either, so her only response was a lift of her hips.

“Right,” he sighed and slipped a delicate hand down her tummy and along the inside of her legs. “God, I missed being here.” And slowly his head joined where he was brushing the sensitive skin of the apex of her thighs.

“Harry!” she dragged out his name, as his fingers just kept skimming her skin, and when she thought they’d slip past her folds, he dragged them back to the inner thigh. “Stop teasing!” Y/N had her hands over her eyes.

“Why?” he smirked, kissing right around the place she wanted his lips on, but not on it. “It’s fun. Payback for everything you put me through.”

“Harry, I swear if you don’t put your tongue in me, I’ll put my foot through your face.”

He lifted her legs up, and then over his shoulders, caging her hips in with his arms. “Not if I do that.”

“Just – fuck! You’re such a bully!” Y/N laughed.

“Are you telling me, I’m being mean to my girlfriend, the love of my life, owner of my heart and soul?” he asked, leaning his cheek to rest against the inside of her thigh, and she wove her fingers into his hair.

“Well, if you don’t do anything, it’s gonna be ex-girlfriend again.”

Harry narrowed his eyes. “Look who’s being a bully now.”

“But – just – please!” she whined. “Please, I need it so bad.”

“Need what?”

“Ugh, you’re such a menace!” Y/N pretty much yelled and leaned to rest herself on her elbows, catching Harry’s eyes to keep a direct gaze. “I need your tongue so far up my cunt, that by the end of it all, your neck is covered in my cum. Happy now?”

His grin was wicked. “Very.”

That seemed to do the trick, as he lowered his head, and with closed eyes like a wine taster, finally attached his mouth to where Y/N had been craving him for so long. A deep sigh of relief passed her lips, and she threw her head back against the couch cushion, savouring the feeling of what was happening to her.

“Did you eat pineapples before coming?” Harry asked, replacing his tongue with two of his fingers; they slipped in without any resistance with how wet she was. “Taste… sweet.”

“Had a fruit salad for dinner,” she moaned as he leaned back in and licked a broad stripe. “Didn’t have anything else in the fridge.”

“That’s not proper dinner. Pizza afterwards?”

Y/N hummed as he sucked on her clit. “Domino’s?”

Harry linked his fingers through hers and brought their intertwined hands to rest on her stomach. “Whatever you want.”

“Isn’t this kind of cheating for you though?” she let out a choked-back laugh, and with furrowed brows, he detached himself from her core.

“What’dya mean?”

“You’re having dessert first.”

The singer threw his head back with a cackle. “Don’t worry, I’ll eat my veggies. But let me finish having my fruit first.”

It was like he’d been starved of her, and in a way, Harry definitely had been. For almost three months, a quarter of a year, he hadn’t felt Y/N’s touch, hadn’t tasted her, nor pretty much heard the sounds she made.

All he’d been left with was one last good-bye, a kiss given in a passion induced haze, and the one-sentence she’d recorded for her voicemail box, and well, let’s just say – Harry was more than happy to feel her hands let go of his and grasp onto his hair, to drink up everything she offered and listen to all of the moans Y/N was no longer depriving him of. It was heaven, to say the least.

“ ‘M not gonna last long,” she gasped, yanking at his hair, making him moan into her, the vibrations only adding to the already intense pleasure that was coursing through her veins.

Harry released her clit with a small pop. “Don’t want you to last long. Want you to cum and do it like you said you would – soak me all the way down to my neck.”

A second later, he had his mouth around her clit again, ten seconds later, her whole body seized up, the air got stuck at the back of her throat, as her eyes rolled to the back, and her back arched up from the couch so far Harry almost lost his hold on Y/N’s waist.

It was through a fog she heard Harry speak, and it took all of her willpower to focus on understanding what he was saying.

“Hey, come back to me, dove,” he whispered, gentle palms coming to hold Y/N’s face, and he intently watched her eyelids flutter, body still going through the aftershocks of orgasm. “Come back, dove.”

“Mhmm,” she let out a soft sigh, leaning her face more into Harry’s touch before opening her eyes and giving him a fucked-out smile.

“You good there?”

The words ‘the best’ were pretty much a slur, but Harry understood them, eyes twinkling. “Take my top off.”

“What?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Didn’t you wanna see my tits?”

“Yeah,” Harry laughed. “I did – do. Very much so. Gonna let me?”

“Just take my top off.”

Pressing a chaste kiss to her lips, where she could taste herself (and much like Harry had said – she did taste sweet), he practically ripped the tank top off, and with a little help from Y/N who stretched her back, the bra came off as well, revealing her in her full naked glory.

“So beautiful,” he uttered in a soft voice. “Still so bloody gorgeous. Should kick myself for ever letting you go even for a second.”

A little piece of her heart broke at Harry’s statement. “Wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe.” He dragged a hand between her breasts and watched as Y/N’s breathing went ragged. “Maybe not. All I know is, I shouldn’t have let you leave.”

“Then don’t let me. Please.”

It was the tears in her eyes which made him lean down and give her an open-mouthed kiss, tongue twisting against hers, promising that whatever happened, whatever insecurities came their way, he wouldn’t ever let go.

“Take these off,” Y/N said, popping open the button to his slack, and even that small motion made Harry release a groan of relief, as some of the pressure was taken off his painfully hard dick. “Wanna have you inside me.”

“Dove, you’ll kill me with that mouth of yours.”

“I’d rather you raw me than die.”

“ ‘S not my fault you’ve got such a dirty mouth.”

He’d managed to kick off his shoes, and shimmy the trousers down, now lying in a pile on the floor, while Y/N had fully removed his shirt and had thrown it somewhere across the room, itching to just have him pressed against her.

“Condom,” Harry hissed when Y/N’s hand slipped behind his briefs and grabbed him at the base, twisting her palm the way he liked, and slowly moving it up so she could press her thumb against the sensitive tip. “Condom – shit – Y/N, I wanna cum, but not that quick.”

“Nuhu,” she shook her head, wrapping her legs around his waist, both her hands going to the back of his underwear and dragging them down, not before squeezing his ass. “I said I want you to raw me.”

If Harry was going to bust a nut before, now it took him literally biting on his lip and closing his eyes for a minute to gather composure.

“Wait no!” Y/N suddenly sat upright as he was going to lean down, almost knocking her forehead to his nose.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just wanna blow you.”

“I –,“ he stammered, “you – fuck. Okay. As much as I love that idea, because believe me I do, you’ll have to do it later, ‘cause I’m just about ready to cum.”

Y/N’s brows furrowed, hand reaching for his hard member, Harry having to stop her midway. “But – you just gave me such good head. I wanna give some to you too.”

“I will literally cum just from you talking if you don’t stop, but I really wanna fuck you, so will you please just let me?”

“Okay,” Y/N nodded leaning back down and reaching for Harry to lay over her. “But you’ll let me stuff my face with your cock after?”

“Jesus Christ.”

“ ‘S not fun being teased, is it?” Y/N grinned, biting on his earlobe, as Harry took himself and lined up with her entrance, letting the tip nudge against her clit.

“Yes well,” he took in a breath, slowly sinking in, “if you giving me a blowjob is your form of revenge, I might have to piss you off more.”

That was a suggestion Y/N was happy to take him up on, as long as it got Harry inside her.

He was being very gentle, very much so aware of how sensitive she still was from her previous orgasm, and all he wanted to do was make her feel as good as possible, so he stilled half-way in, but Y/N shook her head.

“More,” she whimpered.

“Don’t wanna hurt you,” he muttered against her lips, legs shaking from how much pleasure he was already having, but still very much so attuned to what Y/N’s body was telling him, yet she seemed to not be having any of it.

“Harry if you don’t get inside me right up to your balls, I will get myself off in front of you, and leave you high and dry.”

“Now that,” he looked at her pointedly, “just won’t do.” And with those words, he sank deeper, just as Y/N had requested until he’d bottomed out.

All the air had been choked out of her lungs from the sensation, and not only did Harry have to wait for a second for her to adjust (and to compose himself somewhat), but also for Y/N to take in a breath.

“Breathe, dove,” he let out a small laugh, and it made Y/N reciprocate, her chest rattling with uneven intakes. “Said I didn’t wanna hurt you, let alone kill you.”

“ ‘S not my fault your dick’s massive.”

“Do I hear complaining?”

“No, just stating a fact.”

“Well, I’ll be taking that as a compliment.” He smoothed away some strands of hair, letting the two of them just lay there for a moment, to relish in the normalcy of the situation and how amazing it was to be back together, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Harry left kisses all over Y/N’s face as she calmed down, lips skimming over her cheeks, then down her jawline, up her chin to give a peck on the lips before kissing the tip of her nose and the bridge, then each of her eyelids and then the forehead before slipping to soothe at her temples. “You alright?” He checked in, a thumb stroking her cheek. “Do you want some water maybe?”

“No,” she shook her head, her own palms on a never-stopping motion on his back, up and down, and then circling against Harry’s sides. “Jus’ needed a second to gather myself. ‘S been a while.”

“So, you haven’t gotten with anyone while we – “

Y/N raised an eyebrow as his question trickled off. “Do you really wanna know if I’ve had sex with anyone? Right now? With your dick all the way in my vagina?”

“Hey! STDs are a real thing!”

“Harry, if I was, I would’ve told you before all of this. And not just because of health risks…”

And that made something in his chest bloom. This certain hope, he’d felt get extinguished when Y/N had broken it off, but that had been quite the pest in his mind. The hope that was the reason he’d tried so hard to talk to her both on New Year’s and then the week prior – the hope, that Y/N did trust him enough to open up, and that if he just gave her the time, she’d do so without inhibitions.

Her answer confirmed it to Harry. He had no rights to know what her sex life was like when they weren’t together, he wasn’t her keeper, but the fact that she’d implied, she would’ve let him know regardless, that Y/N so wholeheartedly trusted him with such intimate information made that hope blossom into a glowing flower.

“I haven’t been with anyone either,” his tone was sincere. “I – I couldn’t. I tried to, but I just couldn’t take it that far, because every time I opened my eyes… it wasn’t you staring back at me.”

“Haz…” tears gleamed on Y/N’s bottom lashes, and when they fell, he gently wiped them away. “I’m sorry.”

“No.” He shook his head. “None of that. It was a good thing. Because we’re here, right now, right this second, and it’s you I’m with, and it’s you I wanted. Needed. So, none of that.”

“I just – “

“I know,” he said and pressed his forehead against hers. “I know.”

“Okay… I – “ she took in a breath. “I think you can move now.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm,” Y/N hummed. “Just take it slow at first.”

Harry’s head fell into the crook of her neck. “I’ll take care of you. Promise. Just tell me if it hurts, and we’ll stop.”

“You could never hurt me.”

And as much as her statement made his insides all warm and fuzzy, Harry still moved gently. Slowly he rolled his hips into hers and took in the small moan that left Y/N’s throat. Then once more, and more, and more until he’d set a bruising pace, pounding into her so much, the table next to the sofa shook with the force.

“Fuck, Haz.” It was a breathless whimper, her nails digging oh so deliciously into his back, leaving crescent moon marks for him to admire later. “Feels so good. So deep.”

“And you’re so tight,” he grunted, placing a hand on her lower stomach and pushing down until he could feel himself moving inside of Y/N. “Taking me so fucking well.”

One of his palms came to rest by her head, and the other took the arm of the couch, giving Harry the chance to lean into her even more and finally hit that spot that made all thought leave her head, and all breaths come in short gasps, while she desperately tried to hold onto reality by digging her nails in his biceps.

Not that Harry was fairing any better. With every thrust and stroke, he was slowly coming closer to letting go, to finally getting that release he craved and painting Y/N’s core with his cum, but before that, he just had to, if only to prove to himself he could, get her off one more time.

His palm slipped down from the armrest of the couch, over Y/N’s collarbones, squeezing her breast before finding its way between them to rub circles over her clit.

“Ah, shit,” he moaned, looking at where his cock was disappearing into her, wetness spilling and sticking to his lower abdomen and thighs. “Fuck, dove, I need you to come.”

“ ‘M almost there,” she gasped. “Don’t stop rubbing.”

He didn’t, instead, increasing the pace, and he felt her clench more and more until there was pretty much no way for him to move and that pushed both of them over the edge.

It was an explosion of fireworks without a sound, as bright colours came to life behind their eyelids, but all the noise became non-existent, the most euphoric feeling in the world seemed to replace their blood and replenish their souls with love.

But funnily enough, even though Y/N was the one who’d had two mind-blowing orgasms, it seemed Harry was having a harder time coming down from the high, as he was still shaking, his whole body racked by tremors, hair sticking to his sweat-slicked skin.

“Come back to me, Haz.” Y/N kissed his eyelids just like he’d done to her. “Come back. ‘S alright.”

“Nuhu,” he shook his head, laughter rumbling through his chest and reverberating into hers. “I think you’ve killed me. Absolutely bloody murdered me.”

“Guess I gotta hide your body then.” She smiled, letting her hands roam his back and soothe the pain her nails had left.

“Good thing you’re obsessed with all those crime shows.”

“Gotta get some useful skills somehow.”

Loud banging against the door made the two jump, and Harry whipped his head towards it.

“Are you two done fucking?” Sarah hollered. “ ‘Cause there are people here who’d like to change and get something to eat.”

“What’dya say?” Harry raised an eyebrow at Y/N. “Pizza?”

“You did promise dinner.”

“I did.” He kissed her. God, he was never going to get tired of kissing her. And luckily, Y/N was there to stay.

“Great.” She smiled. “And after that, I’ll get my desert.”

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Everything tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue @im-squished

Harry Styles tags: @sarcasticallywitty15 @breezykpop @girlboss99 @harrystylesdoesntknowiexist @alliyjane @sirtommyholland

A/N:..... I need a cold shower, yall. Didn’t intend for it to get that explicit, but oh well :D

P.S. my tags are always open :)

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gemmassong · 3 years

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So uh. It’s 4:17am and I know literally no one cares but I just finished watching Bo Burnham’s new special and like, holy shit. I have some Feelings. And this is my fucking tumblr so unfortunately anyone who follows me can and will be subjected to those Feelings. Apologies in advance. I blame my high school English teacher for this, who I had for freshmen, junior, and senior year, because that cunt made as analyze and pick apart not just books but documentaries, movies, and other pieces of media to such an extreme degree I still blame her for a lot of my academic burnout and inability to really engage with my college courses because what was the fucking point. If I could write the best paper in the class and still not get a full score when my classmates with less well written shit did because I ‘wasn’t reaching my full potential or putting in as much effort as required’ why should I bother.

Off topic. I’ll put the rest under a cut to be vaguely courteous because this is going to be a lot of semi-organized rambling that I’m putting here mostly so I can stare at it in baffled, disgusted horror at ~2pm tomorrow when I go back and reread it. And then decide not to delete it anyway because hey, I don’t delete anything because I enjoy tormenting myself years down the road.

I grew up with Bo Burnham, yeah? I knew all the lyrics to New Math when I was in middle school and you can bet your ass I understood like, four verses at the time I first started singing it. And I remember the vivid pleasure of going through high school and hating math because I suck at it (ayooo failed out of Calc senior year first semester~ (they weren’t called semesters in hs they were some quarterly thing but I don’t fucking remember the right term)) and the absolute joy realizing how one of those verses were clever was brought me. Like, every time I understood a new verse in New Math it made my entire day so much better.

And then the summer after my first year of college I, for some fucking reason I cannot fathom now, 20 year old me thought it was a brilliant idea to decide to watch What. with my parents while we ate dinner. I had seen What. before. I knew what the contents entailed. I was apparently 100% down to watch him pretend to jack off on stage while eating taco salad in the living room with both of my parents who were so closed mouthed about sex that I got literally my entire sexual education from fanfiction.

And then my cat had a seizure literally right before that scene so fate helped me escape that hell for some reason, and yes, Siren was fine after a very scary night.

But like. Still. What the fuck, 20 year old me. Why did you set yourself up for the mortifying experience of watching a comedian mime jacking off while sitting next to your mother. Why.

So anyway. Bo Burnham was peripherally a part of my life for a very long time. I’ve always really liked him. I wish he had made more vines while vine was still a thing because the ‘is there anything better than pussy’ one still cracks me tf up.

I saw a post here at some point about how the new special made someone feel like they’d just watched his suicide note. And I didn’t take it seriously, because yeah, Make Happy got kinda serious and stressful there at the end but like?

Maaaaan am I glad I watched Inside though, despite being vaguely concerned. I totally get where that person was coming from. It does kinda feel like that. At the same time though, I just have this feeling that Inside is going to be important.

Here’s where I finally get to the actual fucking point of the post.

Collectively, entertainment media is desperately trying right now to figure out how the hell to handle the pandemic. Ignore it? Pretend all media now exists in a universe where the shitstorm of 2020 didn’t exist? Most of the ones that I’ve seen have gone down what I consider the absolute worst route, which is of course terrible fucking writing that kind of? addresses the pandemic and shit that went down, but like, with clunky dialogue and really bad jokes. I’m mostly talking about the Roseanne spinoff/sequel/whatever the fuck it’s considered, of which I watched half an episode of and then silently begged my fiance to let us leave his mother’s house because she was laughing at it and it was genuinely, horrifically painful. This is why I don’t watch tv anymore.

ANYWAY. He never mentions it. Not once. There are plenty of really relevant things discussed and pointed out and I think one? mention of the actual year 2020 but beyond that. Nothing. And I feel like Inside might be one of the most genuine, visceral, real pieces of media portraying the pandemic that we, as an American society anyway, are going to come away from this all with. At least everyone in my own admittedly piss poor social circles has spent like last ~year and a half doing that social media thing where the more you post about how well you’re doing and great it all is, the more miserable and bad off you really are.

(Yes, that is how I judge my ‘friends’’ relationships on facebook. The more pictures/posts/tagged shit/social media demonstrations of how ~amazing~ and ~in love~ and ~perfect~ everything is, the worse I assume the reality is.)

But Inside strikes as very, very real. And I just feel like 20 30 40 50 years from now, when we’re talking about the 2020 pandemic and how it shaped and shifted and effected and destroyed people and society, it’s going to be a very important piece of media. Because so far, anyway, it’s the first one I’ve seen where you can actually see it all go down. The absolute fucking breakdown so many of us went through. Dealing with worsening mental problems that had previously been getting better, lost progress, ruined plans and dreams and missed opportunities and everything else.

It’s the first one that strikes as real, I guess. As not manufactured. Not tailored to portray the ‘correct’ message. Not diminishing or exaggerating anything but just... showing. Existing within the reality of the year. And not being apologetic or ashamed about it.

I’m glad he actually went through with putting it out into the world. That probably took a whole lot to do, and I hope good things get to him for going through with it all. For completing it and giving it to the world. It was visceral and raw to watch and my piss poor attention span that needs 20+ tabs open at all times actually sat there and watched it, in full, all the way through in one go. Without pausing to read a fic, watch something else, check facebook or tumblr, answer a roleplay, or skim through omegle to see if anyone good was online. That’s like, unheard of these days.

I just. I dunno. There’s a lot there to breakdown. A part of me wants to do it, take the time and write the analysis and the breakdowns and pick out what I think the important bits are. But I hate doing that now and I’m sure the desire will be gone come afternoon-morning, along with all these weird feelings about it.

This has gotten long enough and it’s 4:47 now, so half an hour of word vomiting into a tumblr post is probably too much. So I guess I’ll call it quits and maybe maybe not delete this when I wake up. Night, anyone who actually suffered through reading this mess.

#Maddie talks #Weird thoughts mostly #Don't expect anyone to actually read but hey #that's not what this blog is there for so why not word vomit just for my future self

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residentlesbrarian · 3 years

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The Fourth Book I Read In the Dark: Of Expectations and Other Relatabilities

Of Gryphons and Other Monsters by Shannon McGee

Hey, guys, sooooo...this is aaaawwwkward. I wrote 95% of this review when I wrote the other Books I Read in the Dark series for the blog, but the ADHD hit me and COVID was still you know...a thing! So I am gonna post this review, finished of course, OH, but also pay extra close attention to the conclusion alright! Hmm...this is a bit like a time capsule...here are my concentrated thoughts from 6 months ago while I was slightly delirious on books and darkness. So go forth and uh yeah this one is...you can just feel the feral “I haven’t had access to proper internet so I’ve been curled in the corner like Gollum with my books” energy coming off it so...enjoy?

Okay, so yeah, I really didn’t have a reason to end my last review that way I just wanted to, so sue me for injecting a little excitement into a series of posts about me literally sitting in my house reading nonstop for 2 ½ days, my reviews my rules. Back to manufacturing my own excitement shall we!

It’s Day 2! I’ve just finished my last library book, whatever will I do! I could always reread The Neverending Story for the 1,273rd time, but I have a need. A need for GAY! I rack my brain, there has to be a solution. My town is without power, my local library won’t be open, but then it hits me. It’s so simple! It’s meant to be really! Like the universe knew this was coming and it made sure I was prepared! Like a prepper stockpiling mental SPAM for my stimulus needing ADHD riddled brain! I have an entire shelf of books that I haven’t read yet! Way back in Clexacon 2019 my best friend (Lookin at you @justalifelongphase) gave me way too much money from missed birthdays and Christmases all at once before the con started because the world has deemed it impossible for us to live geographically close to one another. Anyway, I went a little book-buying-crazy and have not had the time or opportunity to read any of them since then. Their time has finally come!

I figured after going full whimsy with The Lost Coast and sci-fi superhero with Dreadnought and Sovereign why not take a dip into more traditional fantasy, also this one was first in line on the shelf, yay for not having to actually make a decision! No more dawdling, let's get right into the review!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: Taryn always loves and hates gryphon season. She finds the lesser gryphons more cute than anything but the ever present fear that a greater gryphon might be just out of sight is terrifying, and this gryphon season proves to be the one that will change her and her families lives forever! Just let a girl herd her sheep in peace!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review:

I genuinely enjoyed this book. It took me a bit longer to get through it than the others, but I think that was a combination of three things: A. I was starting to feel the fatigue of reading so much in such a short amount of time. B. Our local Wal Mart had power restored on Day 3 and our entire household went on a trip to buy non-perishable food stuffs and I was like a solitary confinement prisoner being let out into the yard for the first time in months when my phone picked up a wifi signal and it was a bit hard to get back into the swing of reading after talking to other humans, even virtually, that weren’t imaginary or in my head. C. Our power was finally restored on the afternoon of Day 3 so yet again I was inundated with the draw of technology and all of my friend-os I hadn’t talked to, but the book had drawn me in enough I did the most unmillienial thing and left my phone in a different room to charge while I finished this book before going back to the land of technology and interwebs. That should tell you something.

McGee was able to write this story in a way that pulls you in so you care about what happens to these characters and this little mountain town. You learn just enough about the world to understand where they fit within the overall weave of it, but you aren’t given a Tolkein-esc dissertation on the world lore. I felt the worries and the fears. I was concerned when the routines had to change. I mean she made me care about the freaking sheep! Sheep, people! One of the reasons I think this works so well is we are so firmly rooted in the head of our protagonist, Taryn. Imma use that lovely bridge I just built to skip right on over the plot section of the review to get to the characters first, don’t worry we’ll circle back round to the plot. I always do, but I just wanna talk about my newest set of brain babies.

Taryn is a character that, if the title of this post is anything to go by, I found very very relatable. Now I know relatability can be pretty subjective, some people can latch onto something with the all consuming, “It me!” While others just stare on dead eyed not understanding the appeal. I feel like Taryn could be that kind of protagonist. You are either going to really relate to her or you won’t understand where she is coming from at all. I obviously fall in the former category. I was the quintessential middle child, still am really, though my relationship with my parents has shifted now that I’m an adult. More mutual respect and friendship than parent to child. I always did my best to pick up the slack, if ever there was any, and just tried my best to be as little of a burden as possible to my parents. I see so much of that aspect of myself in Taryn and how she sees her place at the farm and even in the town, she has her place and her role, but those expectations are heavy. One of those expectations being that she will inevitably get married and help take over the farm from her parents and have kids to continue the line. The fact she finds the lesser gryphons that flock near the farm far cuter than any of the local boys that she will eventually have to choose from to fulfill that inevitable expectation is just...sad at best and down right tragic at worst. And her family doesn’t help matters either. They won’t let her forget that she will have to settle down with one of these local boys, a boy who would make a good husband and take good care of her and the farm. She knows that, logically, but she also wants to be in love, like her parents, and she just doesn’t feel like that for any of the boys in town. She doesn’t know how to make those two things line up. It’s a struggle between her head, the obligation of what she has to do, and her heart, what she really wants for her future, to be happy in doing what she has to do. Wow, I went off a little bit there, but this was my long winded way of saying I have never read a protagonist that really captured the utter confusion of being raised in a heteronormative environment without it being drenched in internalized homophobia and fear. Protagonists like this seem to always know something is off but just don’t have the words for it so they just hide it because they know it’s “different” and out of the norm, but Taryn is just livin’ her sheep herding life and ain’t got no time for these boy crazy fools. She knows her mom wants her to find a good boy to court her so she can marry someday but she’s still young. She’ll think about that tomorrow, and she just repeats that ad infinitum. The thought that maybe she doesn’t fancy any of the boys because well...girls...never even occurred to her. It's not how things are done in this small mountain town, not because of homophobia reasons, but just stubborn tradition reasons. We are even told there is a gay couple living in town who are staples in the overall dynamics in town, instrumental even, but the idea of having a lineage, being able to pass your land down is so ingrained no wonder poor Taryn was so in the dark about her own probable gayness till it slapped her in the face. As someone who was raised in a medium sized Oklahoma town...girl I feel you. I was 22 and in the middle of Appalacia, way up in the mountains for college when my gay awakening popped up and said “Hello!” Everything that never quite made sense in my life came into perfect clarity. Not quite what happened with Taryn, but the arrival of Aella surely helped, as pretty girls are want to do. Oh look a segue, good, cause I could talk about Taryn for literal hours and I’ve already gabbed about her too much for this review.

Aella, you smooth motherfucker. Like I wish I could possess a quarter of the smoothness that you do. Like I’m lucky to string sentences together around a pretty girl, but here you are just strutting about being the smoothest of smooth. Honestly, I just...I can’t with you Aella. On a serious note though Aella is a character that served as showing Taryn a glimpse at the world beyond her small mountain town, as much as she had no desire to leave, unlike her brother. Nope, sit down, we’ll get to you, Michael! Oh, we’ll get to you. She’s traveled and has stories from all over and she is fairly open about the fact that she only likes girls, but she doesn’t have land, responsibilities, and a family line to continue. She just gets to live her life the way she choses. And y’all know I am a sap for the hard dark characters that are totally softies underneath that rough exterior. I think Aella was a great foil to Taryn and great at showing her what she could have if she was willing to leave, to stretch what she was allowed to wish for, but of course the biggest issue with her wishing for anything was...Michael.

Michael was such an interesting character. I loved him. I hated him. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to punch him. Again as with the town and the people of the town I was so deep seated in Taryn’s head and feelings that her conflicted feelings about Michael and how he was acting became my feelings on the matter. Not enough to not separate a tad and see what was coming or at least try to predict it as I always do when reading, but emotionally I was right with Taryn the whole way. The one thing that really pushed Michael from just a character I was conflicted about to one I really wanna give a swift kick in the nads to, is that he knew. He knew all about Taryn’s absolute lack of romantic inclinations toward any of the boys in town and her doubts that she would ever find someone to love and marry to take over the farm. He was the only person she confided these fears in and he still selfishly followed his own pursuits with little regard to her or her worries. You sir, are a terrible brother and overall a shit human, so sit your ass down and shut your mouth.

The plot for this book was so embroiled with the characters and their journeys that I can’t talk on it much but the twists at the end and the final climax was very satisfying for me and left me excited to dig into the next book. Also something of note that I didn’t talk about in the character section cause I felt it was dragging on a touch, I really only talked in depth on our three biggest players but there is a very colorful cast of side characters ranging from Taryn’s nervous pony to the boy-who-cried-gryphon neighbor no one can stand to the troupe of hunters led by Aella’s mother to Taryn’s best friend Nia, all of whom play important parts in building that sense of caring about the people of this town and the town itself, which in turn made me deeply care about the outcome of the plot at the heart of the story. And the sheep! The god damn sheep!

One thing I do want to say before my final thoughts is that whoever designed the cover of this book in a genius because as I dug into the story I found myself constantly closing it to spout off about theories of what I thought was happening on the cover and what it all meant, I was kind of reader fatigue delirious for most of those theories but some of them I was right! I might have reenacted the Captain Holt “Vindication” gif IRL just because it felt too good not to. I just love when a “cool” cover turns out to be so much more than that once you’re “in the know”. So yeah, now y’all know to pay attention for that.

My final thoughts on this book are pretty positive. I can tell the author is building us toward so much more, hence the name of the series, Taryn’s Journey, and it feels like it. This is only the beginning and I honestly can’t wait to take the next steps with her.

Queer Wrap-up:

Hey it’s me from the future...present...whatever...so, this is when I stopped writing the review six months ago and there is a reason for that. I, kind of, agonized over what to rate this book on the scale. Multiple times having to call my brother and go back and forth just to then repeat the same arguments with myself as soon as I got off the phone. Now why was this such a hard terrible no good awful back and forth well...SPOILER WARNING...seriously anything past this point will be spoiling some character beats for the majority of the book...okay? We understand one another. DANGER ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE...or you know scroll on.

So, Taryn is never confirmed to be queer in the text of this book. Now you would have to be wearing the tightest hetero goggles in known history not to see the heavy HEAVY subtext saying THIS BITCH GAY! It’s basically a full grown elephant painted sparkly rainbow trying to hide behind a dead shrub aka not hiding at all. I so desperately wanted to give this book four of those darling unicorns but in this rare case I just don’t think I can justify it. We have a protagonist that is still figuring herself out, which is amazing that we get to see that and go on the journey with her. Some of the things Taryn does and thinks are queer coded as hell, especially if it involves Aella who is explicitly gay on the page, but Taryn herself never express whether she herself is queer. Which, fair, other really important and traumatizing things were going on and I love that about her as a character, she didn’t meet Aella and suddenly that was all she could think about. Aella, of course, is representation who I’m counting because even though she shows obvious interest (you smooth motherfucker) in Taryn she is so much more than just a love interest and her character isn’t just boiled down to her sexuality. Now in this wrap up I’m also including the doctor and his husband in the town. They are very minor characters but they give us interesting insights into the town and the people. They are accepted and treated well in town even if some do almost, pity isn’t the right word, but they seem sad that they won’t be able to have any kind of legacy or lineage. As I said in the review it’s not homophobia it’s being stuck in your ways and it’s an interesting take.

Links:

Shannon McGee Website

The Storygraph

Okay so this one is a bit of a mess. Pieces of it were written 6 months apart and most of it was written while I was kind of delirious but hey at least I can say it’s honest. I still stand by everything my past self wrote and I still really enjoy thinking and talking about this book and am excited for whenever I get around to reading the sequel to continue on Tayrn’s journey with her. This is a book I probably would never have known even existed without ClexaCon and trolling through artist alley for literally every table that had books on them. I guess, moral of the day is maybe you won’t just find great books on library shelves but on unassuming convention tables too and it never hurts to look. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

Oh bet you thought this post was over. I did the sign off and everything but oh no no! I have some info and such to impart. I am WELL AWARE these reviews have been fairly inconsistent to down right sporadic. Well, this is just a little info dump letting you guys know I am gonna be putting up one more review after this one that I wrote ages ago and I mean AGES (think years, as in multiple) and just never got around to posting and then the old blog is probably gonna be going through a PLANNED dormancy while some pretty big stuff is coming down the pike. You may notice visual changes and other stuff before anything else is announced but just keep an eye out. To quote the Fates from Hercules, “It’s gonna be big!”

Okay now for the actual sign off, I got shit to do! No one look behind the curtain, it’s a surprise!

#Of Gryphons and Other Monsters #Shannon McGee #resident lesbrarian #3 unicorns #questioning girl #lesbian #heavy wlw romantic subtext #ya novel #ya fantasy #go to your local library #but wear a mask #and wash your hands #and stay 6 feet apart #be safe out there guys gals and nonbinary pals

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hozierbyrne · 3 years

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Hi! Do you have any lengthy romance fic recs?!? Anything is great tbh!

hi!! i think for me, lengthy would be ~100k or more, so that's what i'll include in the list below! if you want a bit shorter (i have so many bookmarks in the 50k - 100k range let me know!!) and uh if there's a specific fandom or pairing... also feel free to drop back by and let me know!

upon our silver bridge (mdzs, lan xichen x jiang wanyin, post-canon, canon divergence, 443k+) - yeah okay this pairing is not my !! usual !! i know i know. BUT the mythology incorporated in this fic was SO cool and there are FOOTNOTES, and the writing and the character development is really beautiful. also, LONG.

love, in fire and blood (mdzs, lan wangji x wei wuxian, canon divergence, arranged marriage au, 360k+) - back to my ROOTS baby!! this one is a SLOWWW burn with some lovely moments of domesticity and a dose of political intrigue. and they're in loooove they just have. valid concerns about their whole situation!!

you can tell everybody this is your song (911, eddie diax x evan buckley, canon divergence, 470k+ over 24 works) - yes this is the fireman show, yes one of the firemen just told the other fireman that he's named him legal guardian of his son if something happens to him. IN CANON. anyway this is the creme de la creme of 911 writers and also this series is much better than the actual show. characters true to form, good writing, and the Romance and Drama of it all... unmatched.

it starts in the middle (carry on, simon snow x baz pitch, college au, 130k) - okay HEADS UP this is written in first person and jumps from narrator to narrator to match the style of the carry on books, so if that's not your jam it's not your jam! that being said it's well-written and it's all about the *clenches fist* love you find in places you don't expect, if only you let yourself see it.

lessons in cartography (aftg, neil josten x andrew minyard, post-canon, 121k+ and a sequel that's ~70k if you're vibin with it) - this is the classic canon continuation but i'm trying to hit a range of fandoms here so i couldn't in good conscience leave it off! i don't know that they're uh, romantic in some senses but like they Love Each Other Very Much.

playing on (aftg, jean moreau x jeremy knox, canon-compliant, 142k+) - this fic is probably the best aftg fic i've read in terms of making exy seem like a sport! so much of jeremy's life is wrapped up in being the captain of a division i college program and this fic reflects that thank god. author understands how a sport works UNLIKE NORA but anyway. jeremy, jean, falling in love and staying in love.

switch (star trek aos, jim kirk x leonard mccoy, academy era, canon divergence, 230k+) - sorry i literally include this fic in every fic rec list i have ever made but. it's just that good. len mccoy pov, and he's so dry and whip-smart and also so empathetic!! and he loves jim before he ~loves~ him you know and i fuck with that!! it's my favorite fic honestly like it's literally in my ebooks library with a cover i drew i really feel passionate about this one lmao maybe i should reread it

#meg leave switch off a fic rec list challenge FAILED #anyway... anon hope one of these catches your eye!! i tried to fit a variety of fandoms in instead of just giving you six mdzs fics.#anon #fic rec

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babybakuu · 4 years

Text

falling for you

Pairings: Kaminari Denki x Reader

Warnings: bad puns and minimal cursing

Word count: 1452

A/N: i wrote this awhile ago and never posted it bc i didnt like it?? i reread it and decided to share it anyways lmao,, enjoy!!

You never thought you were the type to accept random date invites from guys off of the streets but when a goofy looking blonde falls for you (literally- he fell in front of you and you were concerned the poor boy had a concussion) you accept the offer.

He’s walking your direction inside of the coffee shop, eyes fixated on his phone rehearsing the order in his mind, when he comes crashing down in front of you. You’re out of your seat in seconds, couching down next to the sprawled out boy, concern filling your face. “Are you okay?”

“Ow- fuck, yeah I’m fine-” His eyes meet yours a for a moment he’s awestruck. Your pretty eyes, your cute furrowed eyebrows, and your oh-so-sweet voice had him frozen. Were you a Princess? A model? An angel sent from the heavens above? Or a beauty sent to assassinate him but you had to gain his trust first and then you two slowly fall in love over the hard obstacles and life threatening situations you would soon be thrown into? Yeah. He was pretty sure it was the last one. He’s sitting there for a minute still listing off the multiple possibilities in his mind but wait, your lips were moving- did you ask him something? “Sorry. What did you say?” He asks.

“I said, you hit your head pretty hard- are you sure you’re okay?” You repeat. A big dumb smile spreads across his face as he gives you a thumbs up. “Never been better sweetheart.” But sudden realization hits him he gasps. “Oh my god.”

“What?” You question genuinely concerned. “Is something broken? Are you in pain? Do I need to call a-” You’re cut off by the sound of him laughing. He’s still on the floor but he’s clutching his sides and tears brimming from the corner of his eyes while he cackles like a madman- you were pretty sure he had a concussion. “I guess you can say..” He’s talking in between giggles and his smile on his face becomes infectious. “I guess you can say I fell for you.”

A collective groan erupts from the onlookers and now, you’re laughing too. “You’re an idiot.” You extend a hand, he takes it, and you help him back up on his feet.

“Actually, I’m Kaminari. Nice to meet you.” He gives your hand a firm shake and that big dumb smile on his face doesn’t wipe off.

“(Y/N).” You reply. Suddenly his expression falls and his hands dart to his pockets- he’s frantically looking for something. “Did you drop something?” You question, eyes searching the floor.

“Yeah, my jaw because you’re drop dead gorgeous.” A playful smack lands on his arm and it’s your turn to giggle like a schoolgirl.

“You sure you didn’t get a concussion back there?”

“Pretty sure.” He smiles. “Let me buy you a drink as a thanks for helping me?” You eyes automatically roll.

“All I did was pull you up off the floor.”

“How about a pastry then, one as sweet as you?”

“No thanks, I’m okay-”

“Just accept his offer already!” Someone from across the coffee shop yells. There’s a few collective yeah’s and nods all around and your cheeks flush a soft pink. “Let’s give them what they want shall we?” He questions, taking your hand into his and placing a small kiss on top of it. You don’t let it show but you’re pretty much a big ball of mush at this point.

“I’ll be waiting here.” You jerk your thumb in the direction of the table behind you where your coffee and belongings lay.

“Perfect. I’ll make sure not to fall for you a second time.” The corners of your mouth are turning upwards and your heart skips a beat. How charming could one man be? You’re in your seat and after a few minutes he’s in front of you with a tray of coffee and 1 chocolate pastry which he eagerly sides your way. “All those for you, lover boy?” He cocks an eyebrow at the sudden nickname but it doesn’t phase him- if anything it makes him happy.

“On the coffee run for the agency.”

“Oh? Agency?” You take a bite of the pastry, it really was sweet.

“You know Red Riot and Ground Zero?” He questions taking a sip of his hot drink. You nod. “These are for them.”

“Name dropping are we?”

“Is it working?”

“Not really.”

“Hmm.” He’s sitting there, his index finger tapping his chin. “What if I told you I have a really, really, REALLY, big..” He takes another sip of his coffee for emphasis and you’re sitting there with an eyebrow raised. “..dog.”

“Now you’ve piqued my interest.” He chuckles and that smile on his face hasn’t faltered once. Was he always this happy? This charming? “Tell me more.”

“Nuh uh- your turn. Tell me something about yourself.” He’s leaning in towards you, his ears perked to hear every word, and his hands are laced together, head resting on the back of them.

“I have a thing for blondes.”

“Oh? Just your luck, last time I checked I’m a blonde.”

It continues like this for the next hour- the back and forth flirting, the laughs that made your sides hurt, and the firing off of questions and answers. You learned a lot about him in that short hour, for example

1. He really did have a big dog. He always referred to Mochi as his ‘Sweet Little Plump Princess’.

2. He was a Hero and often worked with Red Riot and Ground Zero. It was kind of cute he had a group photo of them as his screensaver.

3. He liked to zap his coffee because it gave it an extra kick and his tongue a little tingle. He offered to do it to your drink but you politely declined.

4. He sings very well in the shower and you were invited to see his performance live and honestly, you just might take him up on his offer.

5. He pours his milk first and then his cereal??? When you called him a monster and he actually looked hurt for a moment?? You felt no remorse.

When his phone rings and you can hear someone on the other line practically screaming. “Ground Zero.” He mouths pointing to the phone. “He probably needs my help saving an entire city again. Sigh, they really can’t do anything without-” More incoherent yelling comes from the phone and he excuses himself to the bathroom, a sheepish smile appearing on his face. You find yourself missing his big smile in the now empty seat in front of you.

He’s back now after ten minutes, phone tucked into his pocket, and that warm smile nowhere to be found. “Sorry to say sweetheart but the city needs saving and Ground Zero needs his coffee.” The disappointment on your face is evident. He was funny, cute, and sweet. When you had this much fun with a stranger “How about you give me your number and if you ever need saving you can give me a call?” He holds out his phone in his hand across from the table and for a moment you see an expression other than that grin on his face. Was he holding his breath? Was he nervous?

“How many times have you used that line?” You laugh taking his phone and punching in your number. He instantly relaxes and that big smile returns.

“Twice.”

This time your face falls and your nose crinkles. Well, at least he’s honest.

“The first time was when I was practicing in the mirror 8 minutes ago and the second time was like 15 seconds ago.”

“Is that why you took so long in the bathroom?” You’re holding back a laugh and a smile can be found on your face again. He nods. “Don’t look now but that’s also the guy at table number 6’s number.” You look anyways and the guy at table 6 was staring in your direction, his face turns a bright red when he notices he got caught. Ah, had he fallen for his charms just like you did? “He’s handsome, I’d go for it.”

“Should I book a restaurant reservation for 3 tonight?”

“Maybe for 2.” You reply. “Not sure if I want to intrude on your date.”

He gasps dramatically. “What’s more important than dinner and entertainment?”

“You never mentioned anything about entertainment?”

“Only the world’s best for you baby. I got you front row tickets to Kaminari’s famous shower concert.” This time you gasp.

“I guess I have to go then!”

“6 o’clock and we’ll leave out bathroom boy?” He smiles.

“6 o’clock and we leave out the bathroom boy.”

#kaminari denki #kaminari denki x reader #denki x reader #mha #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha x reader fluff #kaminari denki x reader fluff #i love electro boy #my hero academia #boku no hero academia

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tearlessrain · 3 years

Text

30 questions tag game

Tagged by: @mercurypilgrim (thanks!)

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Name/nickname: I’ve been going by tearless/tearlessrain for so long that a friend once called me that in person and I did not notice that it wasn’t my name until they said something. but I also have a lot of other names, only two of which have legal relevance.

Gender: male

Star sign: virgo, but I’ve been told by the local astrology gays that I’m also an aquarius moon and that it “explains a lot”

Height: 5′2

Birthday: a secret. I do not like being the center of attention.

Time: it’s like 3:40am. I will experience deep regret tomorrow, and I will learn nothing from this.

Favorite bands: queen feels like a cop out but like I’m never really not in the mood to listen to queen. linkin park, unironically. and all the different permutations of the crosby/stills/nash/young/simon/garfunkle cloud.

A few I am currently listening to, though: I can’t really call out specific bands/artists because I’m mostly listening to my oc playlists lately (I literally can’t stay in a bad mood listening to riska’s playlist and that’s just the energy I need in my life right now).

Favorite solo artists: (all together now) david bowie. also hozier and joni mitchell.

Song stuck in my head: O Come All Ye Faithful, in latin, for some fucking reason. it’s been there for days. send help.

Last movie: Kung Fu Panda, discord server was having a movie night.

Last show: WandaVision but I’m behind on it (loved the first two episodes but now I can feel the Marvel-ness looming again and I dread it)

When did I create this blog: god I don’t even remember, I’ve been here since the first age and never changed accounts/urls so like. around ten years now I think.

What do I post: whatever the hell passes through my brain from moment to moment, I can’t believe anyone follows me. lately a lot of rambling about my swtor ocs, sometimes it’s tolkien/silmarillion content, sometimes I liveblog terrible movies on purpose, sometimes it’s isaac asimov hours, sometimes just shitposting or unsolicited opinions about completely random things I’m not qualified to talk about. the only thing I can be relied on to provide is reblogs of ocean and horse photos, but not on any kind of consistent schedule.

Last thing googled: celtic invasion of portugal. I got slightly sidetracked from something else I was doing.

Other blogs: I’ve got art over at @tearlessrainart, horny art over at @a-world-of-osha-violations, and a little pile of extremely specific sideblogs I rarely use.

Do I get asks: not often, but those I do get are appreciated. except you, ray bans bot. I don’t appreciate you.

Why I chose my url: I originally used it as a deviantart handle (still there) because it wasn’t taken and I liked the overall way it sounded, and kept it because it’s rarely taken anywhere. and now it’s been ten years so like it’s stuck at this point.

Following: 305

Followers: 1392 which is far more than I deserve given my wildly inaccessible blogging style

Average hours of sleep: 7-8 hours usually but my actual sleep schedule skews late. I’ve never been one of those people who can skate by on 5 hours and be functional, if I get less than 6 hours I am absolutely useless and was that way even in high school/college when everyone else was pulling all nighters and shit.

Lucky number: I honestly have never understood lucky numbers, and how much I like any given number is solely dependent on how appealing its colors are according to my synesthesia. if anyone’s wondering, 420 is a hideously tacky blue/orange clusterfuck, but 69 is pleasantly greyscale.

Instruments: I play the flute, in that I own a flute that I was pretty good at playing in high school and can, if I choose, still play notes on it. I also own a melodica but I cannot play it, which to be clear does not stop me from playing it.

What am I wearing: pajama pants and a sith cloak. which sounds like a joke but I do actually own a set of sith robes and the cloak happens to be warm and very comfortable so I just kinda. wear it around the house sometimes in the winter.

Dream job: ornamental lighthouse hermit who may or may not be a wizard.

more realistically though I’m hoping to go into sfx makeup and cosmetology (I was like a week away from getting my license when the apocalypse hit)

Dream trip: I’d love to visit australia and new zealand, would also very much like to go back to scotland and possibly just not leave scotland.

Favorite food: sushi, specifically good salmon nigiri. god it’s so good. smeagol was right.

Nationality: regrettably, american.

Favorite song: god I have no idea. uh. I really like the boy in the bubble by paul simon. something about the visuals in that song speak to me.

Last book read: rereading The Robots of Dawn by Isaac Asimov, which is a terrible book that I nonetheless subject myself to periodically because I like all the books around it a lot. I need to start on Robots and Empire but shit’s been going down recently so I haven’t been reading much.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:

okay LIVE IN is a very different question from “universes I think are neat” because like. I love the whole thing firefly has going on but I wouldn’t survive it for more than five minutes. so with that in mind:

1. middle earth but like, the shire during the third age specifically.

2. I think I would enjoy being a legend of zelda npc. I could just be a weird little potion seller who lives in a tree or something. or maybe an inexplicably sexy fish man. or better yet, the inexplicably sexy fish man’s husband, who sells potions. yeah I’ve got my fictional life here completely figured out now, this is good. I would also own an extremely chonky horse.

3. one of the ones I made up, specifically the one that involves a lot of gryphons and interdimensional bullshit. more specifically the origin universe of said gryphons, which exists at the heart of an extremely complicated multiverse that includes both earth and at least one fantasy world but is part of neither. anyway it’s a nice place.

Tagging: @raemanzu @sith-nb @vampiraptor @nyriad @crypticspren

(only if you want to of course)

#long post #tag meme

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turning-dreams-into-chaos · 4 years

Note

Valentine’s day prompts 21. “I think you have a secret admirer.” When Steve Rogers secretly admirer the reader , and the reader realize it, and can you make it super fluff pls thank you♥️

21. “I think you have a secret admirer.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You loved Valentine’s day. It wasn’t that you loved receiving gifts from your boyfriends, and let’s face it, on Valentine’s Day, you never had one, or that you loved those fancy dinners where you spend a hundred dollars to get a meal you could make for $20; It was seeing the love everybody shared for each other. Given they could share their feelings any other day, but something about this holiday was different.

And that’s exactly why Sam and Bucky convinced Steve to finally tell you he was in love with you. Steve was against it, trying to tell them you both were just friends but they didn’t believe him.

They all sat on the couch in the living room, some dumb romcom Sam put on the screen to get Steve “in the mood” playing but no one was actually listening. “Every time she enters the room, you stop paying attention to us and watch her and she does the same. You stare at her like she’s the best thing you’ve ever seen.” Sam said to which Steve scoffed.

“No I don’t.” He watched Sam and Bucky exchanged a glance before groaning in defeat. “Ok, Fine! I like her!” He buried his head in his hands, rubbing his temples as his friends laugh at him.

“Don’t need to tell us Steve.” Bucky patted his back before Sam and him stood up, leaving Steve alone with the movie.

Steve sat back in the seat, his foot bouncing as he tried to figure out what to do.

“It’s Valentine’s Day. I can do this.” He whispered only to himself as he considered his options.

He could book a reservation at a restaurant, but they were all most likely booked. But being an avenger?...

Steve shook his head, knowing you probably wouldn’t want to use your credit as an avenger to get a spot for dinner. Steve sat there for another hour, and in all honestly, he was about to give up. But that was before he saw his notebook sitting on the coffee table, giving him the perfect idea.

Steve and you were in the training room later that day, running on the treadmills together before Steve slowed to a stop. “Why’d you stop?” You asked very out of breath. Steve just waved his hand at you, motioning that he was getting some water as you nodded. You started to slow down on your own machine, not seeing Steve slip something into your bag. You jumped off, following him to the bench for your own water bottle. “Okay Stevie-boy, What are your plans for this weekend?” You asked him, taking a drink of your water. Steve quirked his brow at you. Your eyes widened as you realized what he was implicating. “I just meant, I was going to watch a bunch of sad love movies with all the forever singles in this place.” You told him as Steve felt his mouth frown involuntary.

“Oh. Yeah, sure why not. Who else are you inviting?” He asked as you started to dig around in your bag, looking for your shirt.

“Uh, Nat, Sam, Bucky, thought I’d even invite Peter along. Figured we could try to convince him to ask out MJ...” you stopped talking when you came across a rose colored envelope, something you didn’t remember ever having before. You pulled it out, looking for a name on it only to come up empty. Steve watched you from the corner of his eye as you showed him. “What’s this?” You asked him as he pretended to look but shrugged.

“I don’t know, you pulled it out of your bag.” He told you.

You let your arms fall with a chuckle, nudging Steve with your shoulder. “God, change your name from Captain America to Captain Obvious, Steve.” You ripped into the envelope, pulling out a small paper inside with one sentence.

With you in my life, I’m the luckiest man alive.

Steve held his breath as your mouth dropped and you reread the line over and over again.

“I think you have a secret admirer.” Steve told you as you nodded sheepishly. In all honesty, you didn’t want a secret admirer. Well, you did, you just hoped it was a certain blonde hair captain who just happened to be one of your best friends. Steve didn’t know that look in your eye, this was new territory and he didn’t know if it was good. “Y/N are you okay?”

“Yeah, Yeah totally. I just... I have to go... somewhere.” Steve couldn’t say anything before you clutched your bag to your side and took out of the training room.

You barely made it down the hallway before running into Sam. The card went flying in the air as Sam caught you. “Woah! Where’s the fire?” He laughed before seeing your flustered face. You immediately looked for the card on the ground but Sam faster, reading the words out loud slowly. “Wow, I can’t believe Cap actually did it.”

You froze.

Well, more like your jaw hit the floor and you couldn’t tell if your brain was working.

“Steve is my secret admirer?!” You nearly shouted as Sams eyes went wide.

“Secret?”

You nodded, taking the paper back from him and looking over the letters. You felt dumb having not recognized your best friends hand writing. “It was in my bag, Steve pretended he didn’t know what it was.” You ran your thumb across the paper before narrowing your eyes at Sam. “Wait a minute, what does this mean? Like does Steve like me... like that?” You felt awkward asking and after the look Sam gave you, it felt even more awkward.

“Do you really not see it?” Sam deadpanned as you glared at him, moving to head past but he just grabbed your arm, keeping you at bay. “Y/N, just stop. I know how you feel about him and Steve’s not that great at hiding his feelings. I know you’re not dumb enough to think Steve doesn’t like you that way.”

The moment Sam left you, you leaned against the wall to take a breath. You couldn’t believe Steve, the man you’ve had a crush on for god knows how long, actually liked you back. You knew Steve was your secret admirer but he didn’t know you knew. You turned around, heading right back into the training room. Steve was sitting exactly where you left him, his face devoid of any emotion as he stared at the spot you once occupied.

“I’m back!” You winced at your volume, not meaning to scare Steve as he jumped to his feet. His eyes were somewhat glossy, something you didn’t realize when you walked in.

“Where’d you go?” He asked as you paused, biting the inside of your lip.

“Oh, just... needed to see something?” It came out more like a question as Steve nodded, crossing his arms. You knew he didn’t believe you but you didn’t focus on that. “Wanna spar?” You offered, looking down at the mat.

“Really? Do you not remember last time where I beat you in a minute?” He asked rhetorically as you gave him a fake laugh, taking your shoes off.

“Come on Cap, let’s see what you got.” You put your fists up, urging Steve to follow. Steve shook his head as he gave in, knowing you were too cute to deny. He joined you on the mat, getting in position as you winked. It threw him off only momentarily as you took the first kick, not really aiming for anything as Steve blocked you. If you were being real, you weren’t really trying, just putting up enough of a fight before Steve had you pinned to the ground, knocking the wind out of you as he chuckled.

“Is that all you got?” He huffed, holding your hands above your head. You didn’t say anything, looking right into his eyes as you liked your lips, your gaze unwillingly flickering down to his.

“No it’s not.” You said as Steve narrowed his eyes with a smirk. “See, A little birdy told me your secret.”

Steve’s smirk fell but not a moment later you were leaning up, pressing your lips to his. Steve’s eyes closed instantly, his hand letting go of yours to cup your face.

You pulled away, laying back down on the floor to catch your breath. “So you know.” Steve whispered as you nodded, a wide smile across your face. Steve just hummed, processing what just happened as you brought your hand up to his face, making him look you in the eyes.

“Do you want to get some dinner? With me? For Valentine’s?” You kept adding words, your speech becoming jumbled. Steve chuckled, stopping your rambles with a kiss.

“I would love to.”

A/N: What did I just write? Idk anymore... I haven’t actually slept in a few days... ‘M tired... ok, you know the drill, please tell me what you think!

*Not My Gif*

Post date: 2-17-20

~Master List~

Permanent: @literal-fand0m-trash @just4muggles @saturn-aka-six @nathaliabakes @whyamihere-bro @colored-confetti @wiseeggspickleslime @btsiguess-kpop @galacticstxrdust @independentgirl @wellhellotherelovey @hollymac79 @delicately-important-trash @emcchi @rauwz @herondalescecilys

Marvel: @hahaboop @laic2299

#Steve Rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers #captain america x reader #captain america imagine #captain america #valentines day request #valentine’s day #marvel imagine #the avengers #avengers team x reader #the avengers imagine

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

How have you been feeling lately? Have you been doing ok? Ehhh, ya know how it is.

Are you currently in quarantine? I mean, places have started to open up again and so many people are out living life like nothing and I’m just like....what. Towards the end of last month was the first time I left the house in 3 months and I haven’t left since, almost a month later. I’m definitely still quarantining. We’re still very much in the thick of this thing, it hasn’t gone anywhere and won’t for a long time. Don’t let the fact that places are opening up again fool you.

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? I absolutely would if I ever went anywhere. And actually, masks are mandatory in California.

Does your state require people to wear masks in stores? ^^^^

Do you know anyone who’s had the coronavirus? A family friend had it a few months ago. She thankfully is fine.

What was the last sweet treat you ate? A couple spoonfuls of frosting lmao. That’s been my go-to treat lately.

Was it a nice day out today? It’s supposed to be 100F today...

Is the weather nice where you live usually? Uh, most people would probably say that because most like warm, sunny weather. I’m not one of those people.

What was the last thing you ordered online? A book.

Are you expecting a package right now? Aforementioned book.

Have you ever ordered anything from Wish? If so, what did you buy, and did you feel it was worth it? Nope.

Are you a youtuber? If so, are you consistent with uploads? and how many subscribers do you have? Noooo.

What is one thing you hate about summer? The heat!

Did you go outside today? It’s only 6:30AM, but no I won’t be going outside today.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? I have a YouTube account so I can subscribe and leave comments if I wish, but I don’t make videos.

What was the name of the last store or restaurant that overcharged you? Hmm. I don’t recall.

Is your room more often messy or clean? It’s a little disorganized at the moment. :/

Who is someone you miss? Loved ones who have passed away.

What is something you miss? I want to go to the beach and to the movies again.

Do you feel like your emotions are often haywire? Yes.

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? Yes.

Have you ever been “diagnosed” with a mental illness from an online friend? who is not a doctor? If yes, isn’t that frustrating? No, I haven’t.

Do you have any friends that you can trust and tell everything to? Like I always say, you guys honestly know the most.

What was the name of your favorite roommate you’ve had? I’ve never had a roommate.

Do you have a favorite book that you’ve read multiple times? I’ve never reread a book, actually. I’ve talked about this before, but I just can’t do that for some reason. I can rewatch movies and TV shows, but not reread a book. I guess with the first two it doesn’t require my attention. If it’s something I’ve seen, I don’t have to pay as close attention to it. I can kind of tune in and out or have it on in the background. With a book, that requires your attention. And if I’ve already read it, I know what happens, and I guess it doesn’t hold my attention the same way? Or it’s harder to hold my attention, I guess. But then TV shows and movies, I do like rewatching because I discover things I didn’t the first time and things make sense that didn’t before, ya know? I’m sure that would happen with books, too, so I don’t knowww. It’s hard to explain, man.

What’s one book or book series that you’ve read multiple times?

What was the name of the funniest kid you’ve ever babysat? I’ve only babysat my younger brother and a couple of my cousins when they were kids.

Do you enjoy babysitting? No.

Do you have any big regrets? Yep, plenty.

Are there things about your past that bother you? A lot of things.

What was the last thing you saw or read on social media that made you angry? There’s a lot to be angry about right now.

Do you often post about controversial topics on facebook? Nooo. I really never do.

Do you think it’s a good idea to post about serious topics on social media? or do you think that it’s better to discuss serious topics in person? There’s a lot of benefits to doing that. Like, you’re able to reach a larger audience and spread information quicker. For some it’s easier to discuss things like that in that way instead of verbally or in person. There’s drawbacks, too. Misinformation is often easily spread. Things get misconstrued and interpreted wrong. Tone doesn’t come across the same. And some things shouldn’t be aired out for all to see and should be discussed in private. It really just depends.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Have you ever failed a class and had to repeat it? I had to retake a math course once while at community college.

What class in school did you hate the most? M a t h.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? Yeah, when I was a kid. I loved playing school.

What’s one childhood dream that has stuck with you, and one that has not? Hmm. Well, I definitely no longer want to be a teacher.

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? Absolutely. Take me baaaack.

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? I really miss being a kid. This adult thing sucks.

At what age were you when you started to feel like you were mature enough to offer others advice? I wasn’t at all qualified to be giving advice when I was like 12, but there I was. I actually spent a lot of time on the AOL kid and teen message boards and there was a section to discuss things like mental health and struggles people were going through. I used to comment on those posts and chat with people giving out advice that I somehow had at that age. Or I guess thought I had. People came to me advice. My friends always did, too. I was the go-to friend for advice or to just lend an ear.

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? My dad enjoys his beer, and every once in awhile something stronger, but that’s it. My mom will have a drink or two every once in a great while.

Do you enjoy bonfires? Yesss.

Have you ever stepped on a sparkler? No.

What, do you know of, are you allergic to? Tangerines. Super random, I know.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? Yes.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read, if applicable? NIV.

Do you follow trends? or are you a trendsetter? I’m no trendsetter. I’m not much of a trend follower, either. I just like what I like and do what I want.

Has anyone ever described you as a trendsetter? No.

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? List three people you’ve known whom this has happened to. I feel like I kind of have these past few years. :X I’m not a heartless, non-loving person, but I just feel like I’ve been hardened. I’m guarded. I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m so irritable and moody all the time. I’ve pushed everyone away. I’ve been distant and withdrawn and closed off. I feel I’ve been very selfish, too. I haven’t been there for others like I used to be and should be. I’m not social. So yeah, in those ways I do feel like I’ve turned cold.

What SAT subjects, if any, did you get a perfect score in? I never took the SATs.

What were your best subjects in school? and what was your favorite subject in school? English.

Have you ever been abused by a parent or legal guardian? No.

Do you have a lot of wounds from your past? Yes.

Has anyone ever called you a jerk? I’m sure my former friends had a lot of choice words for me.

Are you a jerk? I don’t think I’m a jerk. But for the reasons I listed a few questions up I don’t feel I’ve been very nice.

What color were your bedroom walls in high school? My walls have always been white.

Is there a girl or guy you wish you hadn’t let slip away? Yes, Ty. :/

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? I miss them, but reconnecting now wouldn’t be right. I’m still not in the place to do so. I can’t give the attention and focus and energy to that right now.

Who has hurt you the most? Myself.

Have you been bullied? No. The only person who has been mean to me and put me down is myself.

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? and have you auditioned for one? I have no talent.

Do you know anyone who’s auditioned for American Idol? Nope.

Is there someone you think should audition that hasn’t yet? No.

What time of day do you usually feel your best? I haven’t felt my best in a very long time, but I like the time of day when I have my first cup of coffee and in the middle of the night when I’m doing surveys and listening to ASMR.

What’s one way in which you’ve changed within the last ten years? Oh, man. I’ve changed a lot and not in a good way.

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? It’s weird. In the moment, day by day, it feels super slow. Some days it literally feels like the time froze or is moving extra slowly. But then before I know it, another week has gone by. Another month. Another year. Like, we’re already almost done with June and it feels like it just started. The past few months have felt that way to me. But then at the same time 2020 has felt like 84 years???

Who do you know who has died of cancer? No one, thankfully.

Has there been cancer in your family? Yes.

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? Yeah. I’ve had to stay months in the hospital after surgical procedures.

Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? Uh, no. I’m angry with you, so I’m gonna sue! lol.

Have you ever been a victim of racism? I’ve never felt that, no.

Have you ever deleted a friend on facebook for making racist comments? No, I haven’t had anyone on my Facebook make such comments.

What was the last thing you ate? Ramen. Surprise, surprise.

What was the theme of your senior prom? I actually don’t remember.

Did you go to prom? I did.

Have ever been engaged or married? Nope.

Are you an aunt or uncle? No.

Do you live to glorify God and to do His will? Yes.

Are you happy with the way you are living your life day-to-day right now? Absolutely not.

Do you feel like your life was better or worse six years ago? Wow, 2014. It was so different. I was in college and I wasn’t dealing with some of the health stuff I’m dealing with now. I’ve always struggled with depression, but I wasn’t in the low place then that I’ve been in the last few years. I actually had friends back then, too. I didn’t let myself go and neglect myself at that time.

Have you ever made a huge, catastrophic mistake? It sure feels that way to me.

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? My basic needs, such as food, water, shelter, and clothing, are met. I’m very fortunate in that way.

Do you hate social injustice? >> Nah, I love it. It’s just great. It’s the best thing ever– <<< Right?? What a dumb question.

Are you happy with the current social class you are in? Like I said, I have food and clothing and a roof over my head. I have the necessities. I also am able to have a lot of things that I don’t necessarily need, but just want and enjoy. That’s not to say that my family and I don’t have financial stressors, but we’re doing fine.

Life isn’t fair. True or false? It’s not always what we think of as fair. It’s also subjective. What’s fair or unfair to one, isn’t to another.

Do you hate that life is so unfair? There are definitely a lot of things that I don’t feel are fair and yeah, it sucks.

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. I don’t really know anyone like that, personally.

Who do you go to when you’re upset? No one, usually.

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? Five years ago I didn’t pray at all.

Do you pray a lot? No. :/ That’s something I really want to work on.

Do you frequently have back pain? Yes, I have chronic pain.

What’s the worst side effect you’ve experienced for a medication? and what’s the worst withdrawal effect you’ve experienced from a medicine? I haven’t liked the way the anti-depressants I’ve tried made me feel. I also didn’t feel they were working, so it wasn’t worth it to me to continue taking them. Perhaps I just didn’t find the right one for me, but I’ve been afraid about trying more. I also worry about getting on and then eventually getting off them. I’ve heard about withdraw side effects like brain zaps and that doesn’t sound pleasant. I was fortunate that I hadn’t experienced that from the ones I was on. On another note, I have been on vicodin for several years for pain management and that would definitely cause ugly withdrawal symptoms.

Have you ever used an epi pen? No.

What’s a name that you like but probably wouldn’t use for one of your kids? I don’t even plan on having kids, so.

What’s you name, and do you like it? Stephanie. Yeah, it suits me fine.

Would you prefer to give your kids common names or unique names?

Do you feel like anybody values you in the way that you deserve? I don’t value myself, so I don’t feel I deserve to be valued.

Who have you felt the most valued by? I know my family does.

Have you ever been treated like you were inferior? Yes.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? If there was one, I didn’t know. High school for me wasn’t at all like how it’s portrayed in movies. There wasn’t the snobby popular girl or clique that walked around campus and owned the school. There were popular kids, sure, but it wasn’t like that. And there also wasn’t the big bully who went around stuffing kids in trash cans or lockers or knocking their books down or something. I can’t say no one was bullied, but again it wasn’t like how it’s shown in movies and TV shows.

Do you ever sleep outside? No.

How many siblings do you have? Two.

Are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? I’m the middle kid.

How many kids do you want to have? Zero.

Do you want to get married? No.

Best date you’ve been on? Coffee shop and bookstore dates with Ty.

Dream date? Beach/boardwalk and Disneyland.

Ever kissed someone on New Year’s? Nope.

Have you ever had an experience so good you felt like you were flying? When I had too much of an edible.

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? Yes.

What brings you the most joy? My doggo.

What is your passion; what is it that would bring you the most joy and fulfillment in life? I don’t know.

Have you ever laid your dreams aside because someone else wanted you to? No.

Who supports you in everything you do? My family.

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? No one. The only thing that has stopped me and got in my way is me. And my health.

Do you believe in following your heart, in going after your dreams? Yes. If you have dreams and a passion, you absolutely should go after them.

Do you wish other people would want you to be happy? Other people do want me to be happy. It’s my brain that doesn’t.

Do you wish you had someone who loved and supported you? I do.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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mfackenthal · 5 years

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The MFackenthal Show with Special Guest @choicesarehard

banner created by the amazing @choicesarehard

Disclaimer: This interview was conducted on July 1, 2019.

Megs: Welcome, welcome everyone to my 10th show! I am so blessed that this show has done so well and the network has given me a full 23 episode slot. I have to tell you - the remaining 13 slots are currently filled! Which just means that my producers are working on a season 2. If you want to be on the show - please let me know. And if you think someone else should be on the show - let me know that too. In fact, today’s show couldn’t have happened without the help of @leelee10898.

Tonight, I have a wonderful special guest with me tonight, everyone please give a round of applause to @choicesarehard!

Ellie: stays seated next to Megs on the couch, gives a little smile and waves to the audience.

Megs: Ellie, I am so excited to have you on the show tonight. When we were chatting backstage, I promised I would start today’s show with a story - something to help you forget that my amazing audience is staring at you. Hmmm .. I’m trying to think of an embarrassing one … let’s see ... I’ve been taught to always sing loud and proud … but that means people often catch me not quite knowing the words to the song I’m singing. That’s not terribly embarrassing though … Oh! I understand that you like to travel … I have to be really careful that I don’t sing when I’m on a plane. It’s harder for me than it sounds. Ooooh oooh oh - idea forming right now! We should have plane karaoke. I really think flights could be more fun if we had a little more to drink and a few more songs to sing together. Plus I never forget the words when I’m singing karaoke - the words are always right there on the screen.

Ellie: laughs. You would certainly have a captive audience.

Megs: Exactly! Okay, your turn. Tell me a travel story.

Ellie: Hmmm ... well, Megs, you see, I’m a Texan, and we tend to be really friendly people. Sometimes, a little too friendly. On a flight home from London recently, a British man in front of us was struggling to fill out his immigration form. He asked the flight attendant “What if I don’t know where I’m staying?” This Texas woman next to me, who does not know this man at all, immediately pipes up, “Sugar, don’t give it another thought, you’ll stay with us. We have a spare room.” And the British man looks absolutely terrified, and squeaks “I meant I don't know the address!” It was the most perfect culture clash I’ve ever seen, and I loved every second of it.

Megs: Oh, that is a great story. Gotta love Texans.

Ellie: Agreed!

Megs: Okay, so Ellie, tell me, when did you join the fandom and what brought you here?

Ellie: I joined Tumblr in January, after reading every single Damien x MC story on the Choices Fan Fiction Archive. No, seriously, like, all of them. I was desperately Googling for more content, and discovered all the amazing creators on here. I made an account that night!

Now, as I can be pretty shy, I didn’t make a single post or even comment on stories my first month on Tumblr. I probably would have stayed a wallflower if @walkerismychoice hadn’t written a story so amazing I had to say something. So I sent her a DM and panicked until she responded. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Maggie took me under her wing, showed me how to tag and post, sent me my first Ask, and even encouraged me to write my first drabble! Friends like her and what really brought me away from the metaphorical wall and onto the fandom dance-floor.

Megs: And we’re so glad you are here! Megs turns to the audience. As there may be a few of you here who don’t know Ellie very well, let me tell you - she is multi-talented. Not only does she write, but she also creates gorgeous edits. Seriously, did you see that banner of us when you first turned on the show? That was all Ellie! She’s amazing.

Ellie: Megs - stop, you’re making me blush!

Megs: Nope, won’t stop. Seriously Ellie, you should charge a commission fee! I would have paid for my icon and banners!!! *wink* Ellie: Ha! You are the sweetest, and I actually get that a lot. But edits are my little way of saying thank you to the fandom for being so kind to the new kid!

Megs: Awh, you’re not so new anymore, friend! So tell us a little about your work. What’s your favorite work that you’ve written?

Ellie: Oh goodness, I can be pretty critical of my own work, but I’m trying to shake that habit. And I am definitely proud of His Hands. Sometimes the things we hate about ourselves are the things that draw others to us, and it was fun to show both those perspectives in one piece.

Megs: Oh, that is so beautiful! Can you tell me more about your edits?

Ellie: The edits started as a way to illustrate one of my Outfit Drabbles — these kind of insane little stories I write about the worst outfits in the game. But I started doing edits seriously about two months ago! Clearly, it has kind of spiraled out of control since then, and I’m slapping wrinkles and tattoos and prison uniforms on everyone. I’ve also started making Choices Aesthetics recently. I love trying to capture the feeling and mood of a book or character in just six panels. My Wishful Thinking Emu board is probably my favorite thing I’ve ever made.

Megs: Everyone should check those out. That Wishful Thinking board is amazing! So, do you prefer writing or the edits?

Ellie: Oh Megs! Don’t make me choose! Oh goodness, let me think. Making an edit is definitely more fun than writing. I’m giggling almost the entire time I’m creating one. And it’s a much, much faster process. But I pour so much of myself into my stories, and I really love getting to share them with other fans. And I think my stories mean more to me on a personal level. So uh...both? Can I say both?

Megs: Of course! I mean, I should probably share something really fast ... if ever I am playing a game - I will look for a way to cheat. So in either/or questions - I highly respect an answer of both.

Ellie: That does explain so much about you, Megs.

Megs: Laughs. Okay, well, getting back to you sharing your work with this fandom. What do you love about this fandom? Is there anything you’re less than happy with?

Ellie: I love how welcoming the fandom is to new writers and artists. My first drabble was literally 77 words… and I had a whopping 13 followers. It should have been totally lost in the noise. But wonderful people like @bobasheebaby @sinclaire-made-me-sin and @ritachacha were so supportive; it made me feel brave enough to write a second story, and a third, and…well, here we are!

And listen, I know no online experience is going to be perfect, but if I don’t like a given topic or series I just filter it from my dashboard, or unfollow the user. Beyond that, I just try to surround myself with people who are kind.

Megs: Do you have any advice for other people in the fandom? Especially other fanfic writers?

Ellie: I’m an incredibly slow writer. Seriously, trees grow to maturity while I finish a single drabble. And it can be intimidating to see a flurry of new content appear as I’m writing. But I’ve had to teach myself not to worry about what stories have already been told or are being told as I write. Our voices will always be unique, so even if the trope or setting is familiar, our work will be something that only we could have created.

Megs: Well … I can’t say much about anyone’s speed of writing. I’m lucky if I get something out every other week. Those are truly beautiful words about uniqueness. Thank you, Ellie! What’s your writing process?

Ellie: Simple - I write three words. Then I panic. Erase two of them. Panic some more. I’m kidding…mostly. In all seriousness, most of my writing wouldn’t exist without @brightpinkpeppercorn. We’re both night owls, and tend to brainstorm ideas long past midnight. Telling a story’s concept to a friend helps me develop the idea without the pressure of formatting or picking the perfect words — especially when that friend has an incredible sense of narrative and how to move a story forward. I really do think writing takes a community sometimes, and I’m so lucky to have one on Tumblr.

Megs: I love hearing about the community really coming together. And speaking of community and coming together … fangirl with me about Choices for a little while. Have you read all the books, what’s your favorite book, favorite One True Pairing (OTP), etc?

Ellie: Well, Megs, don’t tell anyone but … I actually haven’t played three of the biggest series — The Crown and the Flame, Endless Summer, and It Lives Beneath. I really want to, but there’s so much amazing new content each week, how’s a girl supposed to find the time?

Megs: I don’t know! I often whine about not being paid to read all the fanfiction out there. I’m behind right now on both canon and so much fanfiction ... and that is so weird for me. Oh, but I saw that you’ve decided to read Veil of Secrets next. Everyone, check out this post on how you can read or reread it with Ellie, if you want!

Ellie: Awh, thanks Megs. Yeah - everyone should read it with me. As for a favorite choices book … Saying this in an interview makes it real, doesn’t it? gets up and starts to pace in front of Megs Oh gosh, oh gosh … sits back down and takes Megs hands … I’m so sorry Damien, but...it’s Ride or Die. Releases Megs hands and faces the audience. Listen, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Ride or Die was supposed to be a fluffy little story I’d play for diamonds and laugh at. But the narrative has so much more depth and nuance than I’d expected, and your decisions have real consequences. And did I mention the three incredible Love Interests?

Megs: You actually didn’t no.

Ellie: Oh - shush you! Laughs. Well, let me get back to my OTP - It will always be Damien and Kai from Perfect Match. Damien is a man who loves every part of you — your bad jokes, your terrible cooking — and has loved you for years. Besides, his banter is hysterical, and his ability in bed is literally legendary on Tumblr. I mean, come on. It’s a no brainer.

Megs: I do miss Damien! Sigh And, on that note, we are out of time. Thank you, Ellie, for joining me on today’s show. It was a pleasure to have you on the show.

Ellie: Wait, wait - Megs. Before you go, I have one thing I have to give you.

This is an edit of us on today’s show. Thank you for having me and for helping me through my shyness.

Megs: It is gorgeous, Ellie! Thank you soooooo much! I love it!

Ellie: You’re so very welcome.

Megs and Ellie hug then turn to the audience and wave.

Megs: Have a great weekend, everyone!

~~~~~

And now for the tags. If you want to be added to the tag list for these or removed, please let me know!

@hopefulmoonobject @queen-among-writers, @hopelessromantic1352, @lilyofchoices, @msjpuddleduck, @theroyalweisme, @lady-kato

#Guest Star Choicesarehard #Episode 10 #13 more in the season #I love glasses #She created my icon with Ethan #I wish I actually had that shirt and necklace #And the necklace she is wearing #The Mfackenthal Show #I almost forgot to tag my own show #Oops #If you hear singing on a plane that will be me #Plane karaoke

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quintessence-sentimentalist · 5 years

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quintessence-sentimentalist Takes on 30 Days of W.i.t.c.h.versary!: Week One

So I’ve been way too swamped as of late to keep up with this challenge day-by-day, even with only written answers (because guys, I write long answers, even when I cut myself short). As a solution (at least to start), I’m going to lump my answers for days falling within the same week together. Here’s Days 1 through 7!

Day 1: Favorite Guardian

Well, glancing up at my username and icon, I think it’d be remiss not to say Will Vandom, at least in some respect.

Will was my favorite from the beginning, back when I only had the chapter books with comic inserts. I can’t quite put my finger on why I gravitated to her, though I get the feeling that my love of energy/electricity-based powers had something to do with it. Plus, she got the cool transformation trinket! I’m sure there are many, many more reasons why she became my favorite, but this was also a good 15 years ago and even my obscure-detail-focused memory is having a hard time tracing back.

I’m not as passionate about comics Will as an adult, just in terms of how they loaded the poor girl up with so much drama that it’s just overwhelmingly exhausting, and she has some pretty immature reactions to her problems with her mom and Matt (pre-relationship). But animated Will is still my girl, with her awkwardness and quipping (of a different sort than Irma’s) and the way she grows as a leader, to the point where she’s basically set up a long con on even the viewers as a battle strategy in the latter quarter of season 2. This was the Will I grew to love as an adult rewatching the series after many years.

Since I’ve always been a Will Girl in some form, this has to be my official answer, but very honorable mentions to Irma and Hay Lin across both media.

Day 2: Favorite Villain

Alright, if we’re talking the animated series and you aren’t new around these parts, we all know it’s Shagon. Listen, this arc is 90% of the reason why I love the cartoon as much as I do, because they took a character from the comics with a nebulous backstory and a spooky, badass design who was relatively underused even with being Nerissa’s strongest/preferred minion, and decided to pull out all the stops. They gave a recurring character (who, okay, I already loved) with very strong ties to the girls - and who’d already evolved out of his role in the comics at the time - his own challenge/story arc about literally facing his inner demon; they gave the Guardians a deadly enemy to face off against (distract them) while Nerissa is off plucking up ex-Guardians one by one; they gave Will and Matt some brutal emotional turmoil that’s actually new and refreshing for the two of them (let’s send the repeated comics jealousy plotlines back to the kitchen, yeah?). And, uh, they made an already spooky, badass character design EVEN SPOOKIER AND MORE BADASS.

(The darker colors all around? The brilliant gold mask? The dark angel wings? I have been in love with this design since I was 12, alright?)

But! If we’re talking comics, then I’m going with Yua. I’ve talked about this at length before in a different ask game, but I think I gravitate to Yua because a) I’m largely not about full-on villains in any media and b) she’s a beautifully complex character in the context of the third arc’s narrative.

I’m not going to reiterate everything I said before and just redirect to that post, but I just find it fascinating that the banshee - whose species we’re repeatedly told are eeeeeevil by nature - shows more humanity than the actual human antagonists in this arc. She never wanted harm to come to Maqi, taking him away the second she’s freed as both revenge on her oppressor and a means of keeping this little boy safe from his father’s single-minded crusade. Yua even directly expresses this sentiment when Maqi falls, horror-struck and swearing that it was always about hurting Ari and never Maqi. And even when Maqi is... eurgh, “healed” (yeah, there are a lot of problems with the resolution to this arc), Yua has the opportunity to strike Ari at his happiest and complete her vengeance, but seeing Maqi so delighted makes her retreat, at least for now.

So yeah. More humanity than Ari and his blind rage in his quest to “cure” his son, and more humanity than Riddle & Co. in abducting an innocent teenage girl on the mere suspicion that she has powers with the intention of putting her through human experimentation. Yua takes Best Villain in my heart because she’s not a villain, not really.

Day 3: Favorite Love Interest

Again, unless you’re new here, it’s no shock that - if we’re talking animated series - it’s Matthew “I’m Arguing With a Housepet” Olsen.

As wildly different as it is from the comics, I do so adore his character design, with his dark hair (which, uh, may have been the first indication that I have a Type when it comes to my favorite male characters) and purple hoodie. His personality is so endearing too, because he’s not just the idolized older boy we initially see him as in the comics, but like... a legitimate dork. He’s sweet and plays guitar and generally exudes Cool, but you get to know him and it’s easy to see that he and Will are like souls. Not the best about expressing their feelings to the person they like, but always ready to step up and fight.

That’s another quality I love about cartoon Matt. Even before the Shagon arc, very shortly after even learning of the Guardian secret, Matt wants in on the action. It’s not in a “living out his action hero dreams” way, or even really a matter of impressing/protecting Will: it’s more about not being the guy who sits safe on the sidelines while everyone else is risking their lives, and trying to prove (largely to himself, in the end) that he’s worthy to be Will’s boyfriend when she’s a honest-to-Kandrakar warrior and he’s just “Funny Matt.”

I’m going to skip the Shagon arc for now because I assure you I could probably talk for ages about cartoon Matt, and we don’t have that kind of time now.

As for comics, I definitely have to go with Eric Lyndon and - technically a pseudo-love interest - Joel Wright. Oh, and Peter Cook!! Basically, all the sweet guys who don’t get quite as much attention with the comics and whose romantic relationships developed a bit later.

Day 4: Favorite Ship

Surprise, surprise: it’s animated Will/Matt. I’ve blubbered about them before, I will blubber about them again (please give me reasons to do so?), so I’m going to spare you all this time around. Just know that they’re my longest-held major OTP, and that it normally takes a hell of a lot to get me to full-on ship something.

(Real quick though: mutually pining dorks? Matt’s insecurity about being enough for his badass electricity-flinging girlfriend? Will’s drive to just blast shit down to find and save Matt? “If this all goes south, I’m gonna be beside you”??? Please ignore my choked sobbing.)

Anyhoo, there are a couple different comics ships I’d say qualify, though I might not be as passionate about them as I am cartoon WxM. Hay Lin and Eric are positively adorable, and I love how their relationship was slow but not agonizingly so. Hay was the only one not to get a love interest of sorts from the very start, taking us all the way to issue 18 before a guy makes her giggly. And I really appreciate that it wasn’t just a superficial crush, that while Eric was cute, it was his kindness and the time he spent with Hay that made her go, You know, I think I like this guy. It was a refreshing change of pace, they’re both adorable, and we ignore the fact that Eric was mysteriously written out and Hay has that one issue in the Dark Times late in the series where she falls head-over-heels for this rockstar-ish guy for no real reason and changes her style to try to impress him.

Honorable mentions go to Irma and Joel, who had excellent potential and should have still been kept as friends even if they decided to give Irma a different SO (we ignore the later issue where Joel just wistfully looks at Irma with his “We used to be friends” thought bubble and no actual explanation for why they aren’t anymore); and Cornelia and Peter, who I don’t give enough credit and definitely need to reread.

Day 5: Favorite Friendship

This is a tough one - can I say all of the W.i.t.c.h. girls together? Because outside of the first arc, there isn’t really a whole lot of focus on the smaller group friendships.

Cornelia and Elyon is a good one, though, literally spanning worlds because Cornelia is dead-set on saving her friend. I’ll toss Orube and Will into the mix as well, because Will was crucial to Orube’s initial character development and they seemed to have the closest relationship moving forward.

Day 6: Favorite Cover/Pinup/Promotional Art

Oof, giving me the hard questions, are we? I have a few favorites, but one of the first that came to mind was this one of Will. It’s the cover of the 21st chapter book, which I think is actually the pinup for issue 21. They must have changed it up for the US release in order to keep it more in-line with the actual plot.

Day 7: Favorite Episode/Issue

Hrm. Let’s change it up and start with the comics on this one. Off the top of my head, I have a soft spot for issue 32. It’s the zenith of the Sylla sub-arc, so the stakes are high, the girls get cute semi-formal clothes when they go to the opera to spring and hopefully evade Riddle’s trap, Sylla double-crosses Riddle and teams up with Medina and McTiennan (and I still think there’s a missed opportunity here with wiping that particular team’s memories of the girls), and we get the most iconic page in this entire comic with Orube beating up Riddle’s goon while brushing off a suitor and then coyly asking him to be her arm candy.

Issue 50 is another one I like, though largely because I enjoy the futures presented for each of the girls (I particularly love the concept of park ranger Cornelia and writer Will). And as a lingering vestige of my young, comic-Will/Matt-shipping heart, issue 40 is another nostalgic choice.

As for the animated series, I routinely consider my favorites on the chance that Greg Weisman still sells scripts at cons and I get the chance to buy that of a favorite episode. But true to form, basically all of my favorites are heavy Will/Matt episodes...

“D is for Dangerous” is fun because it’s the first time Will gains her quintessence lightning (yay!), the running gag with the Sisterhood of the Traveling Mr. Huggles is amusing, Elyon’s deadpan “Barehanded folding. My one talent” still kills me, and Matt and Caleb’s epic failures of training montages are great. “M is for Mercy” is brutal, with Shagon at his absolute deadliest and taunting Will with Matt’s disappearance, the utter hatred Will has for this demon who’s taken on the form of the boy she loves (and, unbeknownst to her, is legitimately a twisted reflection of Matt), and the sight of Shagon at his lowest while at Will’s mercy and her offer to teach him just that. “S is for Self” has not one but two musical numbers for Matt, and we finally get the resolution to the Shagon arc, so of course it’s a favorite.

But what the hell: I’m going with “T is for Trauma” as my favorite. I watched this episode three times the day it aired, and I still love it to this day. We get the introduction of rejuvenated C.h.y.k.n. (who wipe the floor with the W.i.t.c.h. girls at first), the Egyptian-themed costumes for no actual reason (“Could someone tell me how that man could look at me and think camel???”), Matt getting to fight as the badass normal for the first and last time since “L is for Loser,” etc. But most of all, this is Hay Lin’s episode, and it is absolutely soul-destroying but with a magnificent payoff at the end. It hurts to see the naturally lighthearted, high hopes member of the crew with her spirit absolutely shattered by her grandmother’s apparent betrayal, Eric’s brainwashing, and Nerissa’s general existence, and it’s just as painful that this was the way they gave her character development, but I have to commend this episode for one of the heaviest lines ever: “That’s how you survive the trauma - not by knowing it will be alright, but by having no other choice. ...I don’t have the luxury of breaking down right now.”

#30daysofwitchversary #30 days of witchversary #w.i.t.c.h.#quintessence-sentimentalist rambles

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paulisweeabootrash · 4 years

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Neon Genesis Evangelion and the Book of Enoch: a “Stray Thought” Footnote that Got Out of Hand

So. Originally, I wanted to mention an extensive “stray thought” that I didn’t quite know where to fit in the ep. 9-26 review, and which didn't seem to have a real place in a review anyway, which was to explore the repeated mentions of the Dead Sea Scrolls as predicting the Third Impact. I had a whole thing drafted about Gendo trying to bring about his own personal end times, but the longer I spent reading up on things to see if my strange headcanon/hunch made sense, the less it corresponded to the source material, and I rewrote and reread and rethought until I ended up convincing myself thoroughly that my original idea was stupid and crazy. But damn it, I want to post something! So please, come with me on this journey.

First, being vaguely aware of their reputation as some kind of mysterious “Lost Wisdom of the Ancients” ("earned” through early 90s media hype!), I looked up what’s actually in the Dead Sea Scrolls. The answer: mostly the Hebrew Bible. But also some books not considered canon by the vast majority of modern Abrahamic religions and some texts specific to the inner workings of ancient sects of Judaism that no longer exist. One book that the Scrolls introduced to audiences who are not Biblical scholars, and which might be a good candidate for a source of prophecy vague enough to work, is the Book of Giants. Giants is highly fragmented and describes the nephilim — giant warriors mentioned in Genesis who were the offspring of humans and angels — talking amongst themselves about how surely their dreams foreboding widespread destruction must be about humans, not them. It is clearly meant to set up Noah’s flood destroying them all, but could be taken to be something about the Second Impact, given the whole “global sea level rise” aspect. But nothing that sounds like Instrumentality. Hm. But it also sort of both sets up and elaborates on another, much longer apocryphal book found in the Scrolls but known from other sources: Enoch.

A book purporting to be the first thing ever written by a human, Enoch provides more detail about the angels who fathered the nephilim, referred to as Watchers. The Watchers made a pact to stay on Earth and introduced humanity to weapons, metalworking, makeup, and divination, which caused “corruption” among the humans and caused the Archangels to basically petition God to destroy them. The bulk of the book is concerned with what God and the angels showed and relayed to the prophet and purported author, Enoch, including multiple prophecies of a coming Judgement Day different from the one Christians and people living in highly-Christian-influenced cultures are familiar with from Revelation, but full of standard tropes for Biblical prophecies in general, talking at great length about how someday all of the sinners and/or nonbelievers will be destroyed and predicting the resurgence (and destruction by divine forces) of long-gone empires, et cetera et cetera et cetera. The thing that sets apart Enoch’s apocalypse is that God sends angels to punish not only humanity but also the Watchers, and that it sets up unrighteous humans as being followers of the Watchers.

Still not much that looks like the Third Impact, though. Perhaps the Dead Sea Scrolls are merely a plot device here, a convenient source the audience has heard of but not read, about which we can go “yeah, sure, that sounds like the kind of thing that would be in there”. The Necronomicon, which can fulfill any given story role an author wants it to, but with the name of an actual set of documents attached for flavor. Unless, maybe, you just take it really loosely.

See, what’s prophesied in Enoch is angels being sent to destroy humans who are “corrupted” by, essentially, exposure to forbidden technology. There isn’t a literal analogue to the Watchers, in the sense of actual angels who intervened in the distant past to change humanity, but there is very certainly a group of people using powers and technology derived from angels for their own ends... which created giants that are literally part-angel and at least loosely part-human by interfacing with human pilots. (Not to mention, Enoch establishes the nephilim as cannibals, which... well... makes sense here.)

So, I would like to suggest that Seele/NERV are sort of in the role of both the Watchers and the corrupted human followers of the Watchers, with the Evas as their nephilim. In that case, Gendo, far from playing his own self-appointed role as a wannabe vengeful god, is most analogous to Azazel. Yes, the demon who writers of supernatural fiction just love to stick in everything. In Enoch, Azazel is the specific Watcher responsible for teaching forbidden technologies to the humans, causing their corruption. I’m still not sure what to make of Instrumentality in this framework, though. Perhaps it’s just what it looks like: the prophecy has been thwarted, the bad guys won, and humanity is changed beyond recognition by the forbidden technology the Watchers have provided.

-----

Stray Thoughts About The Stray Thought:

- In modern Israeli Hebrew, Azazel is a swearword, used to mean something similar to “go to hell”. I am fully on board with making “Gendo Ikari” a swearword.

- Azazel’s name is pronounced “ah-zah-ZELL”, not “uh-ZAY-zull”. Stop it.

- The name of the angel Ireul, “the angel of terror” (whose name looks like a typo to me -- shouldn’t it be “Iruel”?), who appears in Evangelion in the form of a computer virus, is written in Japanese as “Irouru”. Which made me wonder: is that an alternate transliteration of the same name that’s rendered as “Ilulu” in Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid? It would certainly make sense with her character.

#weeaboo trash #not a review #neon genesis evangelion #book of enoch #how did i end up here #help i'm way outside my area of expertise here #don't take this too seriously

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terramythos · 5 years

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My reread commentary on October Daye #8, "The Winter Long" or "more shit goes down in this book than the first 7 combined, holy shit".

I apologize to anyone who reads these cause I literally hit the length limit on this post and had to pare it down lmao

-Good start: Under the Acknowledgements section: "Everything I have done with October's world to this point has been for the sake of getting here". Sooo basically the first 7 books? Setup for this one. We're in for a Ride.

I want to emphasize some of the best meta foreshadowing I've seen:

FOR REFERENCE, Rosemary and Rue is the title of book 1. It's also the only book whose opening Shakespeare quote (from Hamlet) doesn't really match the title. If you know your Shakespeare, you probably would have caught that and figured out that it was from The Winter's Tale instead. Plenty of conclusions you can draw just from that. Since then the series has been chock full of hidden identities, and this book has two BIG ones coming into play. Foreshadowing was here from the very fucking beginning, and it is some next level shit. Very well done.

-If you skipped book 1 you are SO fucked, btw.

- we're going to great lengths to describe Sylvester's physical appearance. Gee I wonder why. I'm sure it's not relevant

- yes Sylvester has FOX COLORED HAIR and YELLOW EYES and his magic smells like DAFFODILS and DOGWOOD FLOWERS. He is Toby's LEIGE and FATHER FIGURE.

Me on a first read: oh it's just beginning book exposition, they all do this

Me on a second read: god fucking damn it

- toby: I should have known Sylvester would never disappoint me.

Me: oh sweetie. Oh honey.

- "He smelled like smoke and rotten oranges.

This man wasn't Sylvester Torquill."

Anyone who read book 1: OHSHIT.AVI

Welcome back, Simon! You know, Sylvester's evil twin? You know, the big bad (so far) of the series? The the one responsible for turning Toby into a fish for 14 years?

-Yet he seems kinda... off, huh? Comments about how he didnt know the spell would last 14 years, how he hates to upset October's mom, of all people? Whatever could he mean? :)))

-New toby power: spell reflection? Hell yeah? Also spell BREAKING, but to be fair she did do that one other time. In, you guessed it, book 1.

- "When I tried to picture Sylvester's face, I kept seeing Simon's instead" ow oof

- Simon calling Amandine "Amy", which we've established is an affectionate nickname (it being what, you know, THE LUIDAEG calls her). Why would Simon, of all people, call her that?

... oh.

-That sure explains a LOT, huh? That sure was set up... this whole time, huh?

-Little "fuck you" lines like "I didn't know Sylvester had a niece" in book 2. Talking about January. Well, uh, he has several actually! You're one of them!

-Explanation for why Sylvester had any inclination to be October's mentor... eventually becoming her liege and father figure... even giving her the Changeling's Choice (something family is supposed to do). It seems mighty convenient that a random noble was involved in the life of a changeling to such an extent. BUT, if he was her uncle, and knew his brother wouldn't step up? Well...

-This isn't even the biggest reveal of the book. Like, we're only a handful of chapters in and this bomb gets dropped.

-Sylvester, every 10 minutes: oh boy I cant wait to see my brother so I can like, completely eviscerate him!

Everyone else: uh,

- Tybalt: and here I thought I was going to have to ask Sylvester for his blessing. Now I technically have to ask SIMON?

Toby: uwotm8

Tybalt: oh god uhh I'm joking yeah uhh I'm just trying to distract you from all this stress :)) yeah (nailed it!)!

-And now we begin the "wow Sylvester is actually not a great person" slide. It's been hinted at that he's pretty unstable and has shitty priorities regarding people he cares about. But Toby glossed over a lot of it because she adored him. Welp.

- It's also an interesting aside that Etienne was kind of a dick to Toby for a reason in the earlier books. He legit thought she had been knighted because she was family, not that she had earned the post. And after the last few books he clearly knows now that that's not the case and they've actually become friends. That's interesting hidden character development.

- ok so The Gang finds out that Simon was telling the truth when he said turning Toby into a fish for 14 years was to save her. Because he had actually been hired to KILL her and didn't want to do it. So it was a loophole-- everyone thought she was dead, and then (as established in book 1) pretty much everyone forgot she existed until the spell broke.

-BUT Simon is bound by a geas (where have we seen that before) and cannot divulge his employer's name. But who had such a grudge against Toby and/or her mom to order a hit on her AND forcibly bind everyone to secrecy?

-who knows? Not toby. So they go to The Luidaeg to maybe get a lead, and she establishes right away that she is ALSO bound under a geas and can't say who did it. So we play some 20 questions, and then...

ULTRA DISTRESSING LUIDAEG LORE :((((

-additional: another month name just came into play. August. Toby's half sister, missing for a century. WHAT IS WITH THE MONTH NAMES

- "please don't mistake villainy for evil." That's an.. interesting quote re:Simon.

- Simon's way of protecting toby from the impending threat is "well maybe you turn into a tree for a few centuries but like. You're safe, right? Why are you mad?"

- The Luidaeg: *is straight up dead*

Toby: hey tybalt remember that time in book 2 when I Resurrected the Dead

Tybalt: yeah, it was fucking terrifying and I didnt speak to you for 6 months

Toby: *finger guns* guess whaaaaaat

-The Luidaeg: *says just. A bunch of Lore*

Toby: Luidaeg dont you dare drop that cryptic shit on me then pass out

Luidaeg: nap time

-"If you so much as whisper the first word of a transformation spell, I'll have your larynx in my hand before the second word can form." DAMN, Tybalt.

-Simon: I am VERY sorry for my bullshit earlier. I can't tell you who my employer is, but I CAN give you this BOUQUET of ICE COLD ROSES. Ice cold, like winter. Winter Roses, if you will. Yeah. Uh have a nice life, bye!

Everyone: well this sure is a mystery

-Simon is definitely a morally grey character. Has done really awful shit, is built up as a major villain... but turns out he had relatively little control over his actions. He does the wrong thing a lot but it's usually not for a truly evil end? If the context is to be believed he got stuck in the geas contract with Unnamed Employer to save his daughter, which explains the bad shit he did that we know of. Which then inadvertently kicked off like the whole series. He seems to genuinely care about Toby in a warped way? It would be so easy to write him off as an evil stepdad or whatever and there's plenty of canon to support that stance (she's an illegitimate CHANGELING child) but he seems like he wants to just be her dad. I hope we explore his character more, is what I'm saying.

-And not to keep rambling about it but Toby is an established unreliable narrator and a horrible (initial) judge of character. So it's not like this is an asspull or off base at all.

Twist of the fucking century here.

-You know... the character who set off the events of the series? The character who was murdered in book 1 and bound October to a geas forcing her to find the culprit or die? Evening fucking Winterrose?

-There were hints, most very subtle unlike the other big twists, but probably the biggest one is SHE NEVER SHOWS UP AS A NIGHT HAUNT. And they're in the story quite a bit, and they ALWAYS feature killed off characters. Except Evening.

-My favorite hints were the ones just piled in book 1. Comments like "no one knows who Evening really is" said with zero self awareness. Because we are actually about to find out who she is... 7 goddamn books later.

-dead meme but "surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you saw the last of me."

-God she's so awful lol

-Toby thinking Quentin died then calling him THE SON SHE NEVER HAD is a BIG OOF right to the HEART. ;-;

-The book also points out that The Luidaeg through the series has ALWAYS referred to Evening in present tense. Even though she "died" in book 1.

-The Luidaeg ALSO never refers to her as Evening. It's always "The Winterrose". You know, a title. Which we have heavily emphasized is something the Firstborn use in place of their true names.

*jazz hands* Surprise!

-We also (finally) have a canon explanation for the... rather remarkable coincidence that Quentin, the fucking Crown Prince (from TORONTO), is in San Francisco at all. It was always weird he got sent to Shadowed Hills, and it's been commented on multiple times... Evening arranged it, of course! For reasons we don't quite know. But as the Daoine Sidhe Firstborn, her descendants couldn't exactly say no. Even though they didn't know who she really was.

-We really are falling all over Firstborn in this series? It sure is.. an odd coincidence, huh?

We got:

The Luidaeg: Roane/Selkie

Amandine: Dochas Sidhe

Acacia: Blodynbryd

Evening: Daoine Sidhe

Blind Michael: ... uh actually I don't think we ever learn what race he's Firstborn of. All his "children" are kidnapping victims forcibly twisted into monsters. Well, except for Luna, but we only know the Blodynbryd side.

But it's weird that for being so rare that we've run into 5 of them in 8 books. There's gotta be a reason for it.. but what?

-Luna starts the series as Toby's Surrogate Mom and is now just straight up an enemy huh

-I made this observation in my book 1 notes, but I find it very interesting that all of Toby's initial friends and allies... aren't by this point. Whereas her current allies are either former enemies or people she initially disliked or distrusted.

Starter allies: Sylvester? Was lying to her the whole time. Luna? Pretty much tried to sacrifice her (+above). Evening? Uhh this whole damn book. Devin? Tried to kill her for personal gain. Lily/Connor? Both killed off for real.

Current allies: Tybalt? Literal former enemy turned lover. Quentin? Kind of a snotty, vaguely racist kid she whips into shape. The Luidaeg? Extremely powerful witch who Toby assumes is True Neutral and wouldn't hesitate to kill her. May? Literal personal walking death omen.

It's just a cool reversal. There's so much really excellent character development in this series and I love it.

-Simon still is a pretty major bastard but.. less outright mustache twirling evil than we were led to believe up to this book. You learn his Backstory and while it really doesn't justify his actions it does...explain them.

-Blink and you miss it Lore: August is missing because she entered a contract with the Luidaeg. She's holding the candle from book 3 :)))

I'm starting to realize I stan The Luidaeg so hard I just have to take a picture every time she shows up and does stuff lmfao. (Best character).

-But... nothing like your inconceivably ancient and powerful aunt suddenly owing you a life debt, I guess???

-Toby. You know, just an ordinary weak changeling who has somehow managed to KILL A FIRSTBORN and RAISE THE DEAD. yikes.

I'm just putting this here cause it's funny as shit. Tybalt really is just... a cat

This book: I heard you like distressing Luidaeg lore??

Me: oh thanks I don't need to feel things

-God Evening is awful. Like, if you didn't know that already, see above.

-It says something about The Luidaeg that despite all that shit their Firstborn did to her she ends up becoming such good friends with Quentin, a Daoine Sidhe?

-BIG LORE with The Luidaeg talking to Maeve??? And Maeve "responding" kind of? This series damn well better explore what the fuck happened to those three it's been built up all series

-Omg the showdown with Evening and The Luidaeg. And Toby managing to break free and realize she deserves so much more than Evening-- all without magic. And Simon showing up for a last minute redemption trying to hit Evening with elf shot? I mean he gets shot in the process, but...

-We now have like, 3 or 4 characters just... asleep indefinitely thanks to elf shot. that's gonna be a Thing isnt it. Rayseline, Evening, Simon, Arden's brother...

WE DID IT BOYS

-This is the last full one I've already read. Most of my reactions in 9-12 are gonna be new. So.

#long post #i mean it's under a cut.. but

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herotheshiro · 4 years

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so in abt 2017-18, i came across this manga called sneaky red by thanat. most of the 1st volume, translated, got posted online but i knew there was a continuation. while i don’t remember too much specifics abt my reaction to it then, i distinctly remember being affected by it and by that i mean ... liking it. i remember that i had the feeling of wanting to read the 2nd volume and even a year ago (almost the date!) on this very blog i noted that i “wanna read all of [their] works so bad” and at this point i had only ever read sneaky red so going off of that, i liked it apparently.

fast forward 2-3 years to tonight, where i finally forced myself to finish reading the series since the free month-long futekiya trial is ending soon. and well ... i thought i would be satisfied afterwards since i’ve wanted to finish reading this series for literal years but all i felt was ... disappointment. i’ve had the futekiya subscription for abt 1/2 a month already but i’ve been putting off reading sneaky red bc i mean i’ve read the 1st volume, i knew it was abt abuse pretty much and i wasn’t really into reading something so depressing (i had to reread the 1st volume in this read bc i legit have not touched the manga since whenever i read it last). and ... yeah it is a downer to read with little positive payoff. [putting under cut bc WOW this got long]

let’s get this straight, my perception of what this author is trying to do is this: two guys meet, one of them (A) has anger/emotion management issues and is quick to react with his fists and the other one (B) just so happens to get off at pain (...no further comment at this) ... which is coincidentally a “nice” set-up but A wants to turn over a new leaf bc eventually he feels bad whaling on B all the time ... except suddenly turning over a new leaf when you’ve been living and thinking a certain way for almost two entire decades is not that easy. which alright tl;dr, an abuser/someone quick to physical violence trying to reform. a rather heavy topic to tackle for your debut work ... and unfortunately i don’t think this author really succeeds in doing so. 1st volume was written in 2013 and is their debut work and it definitely feels like a new author work ... the story developments are kind of unclear at times and misaki (i think that was his name?) just accepting getting beaten up by a rando is just so incredibly sad to read bc like ... wtf? i cannot figure out how they came to love each other. i mean haru i can kind of see bc they kind of implied that misaki was one of the 1st ppl to have hope in him even though he himself felt like he was a lost cause, but misaki i just have no fucking idea what happened there. like lust turning into love? idk man falling in love from physical abuse frankly makes no fucking sense esp since it’s not even implied that misaki has low self-esteem or something that would make him accept this treatment. i legitimately would like to go back in time to meet me from 2-3 years and ask them what the fucking hell made me like this manga bc it’s messed up and the topics aren’t even handled that well! this is truly a manga that somehow depicts abuse as being shitty but also romanticizes it somehow?? even though i legit just read it a few hours ago i’m starting to mix up what happened in vol 1 and 2 so let’s just move on to vol 2 now.

vol 2 was definitely more put together in terms of story progression than vol 1 (i mean, being done 3 yrs later i would hope so). i did like it a bit more than vol 1 and there were some cute scenes bw misaki and haru but ... the scenes where misaki still went to see haru even after some seriously messed up scenes being like ‘i still love you’ ... really rubbed me the wrong way bc it kind of felt like a ‘you can heal abusive behavior through love’. i mean yes haru acknowledged his behavior and treatment of misaki was absolute shit and that he’d try to change, but also that ch where they kind of just substituted bdsm as a more socially acceptable way for haru to hit/hurt misaki during sex? BRO THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS !! i mean there were some scenes that felt realistic (misaki instinctively defending himself when haru raised his hand) but at the same time it also felt like the author didn’t really know what they were doing. like i get it, haru is supposed to be a nice person who just so happens to react badly to things but ... these kinds of things you kind of legit need professional help for. simply learning to depend more on friends/SOs, completely cutting out your toxic fam from your life... that kind of stuff is not really enough to help you heal. i mean this is a japanese manga, and ik east asian culture has ... thoughts on mental health care but the way the story was presented just didn’t feel realistic at all. yes they did show haru struggling to hold his emotions in check, i did like the scenes where haru was in his own head and saw his brother berating him for his behavior, and i do appreciate they didn’t merely just 180 change his personality and pretend it was easy to change for the better but ... idk. i just simply did not enjoy reading this story and about this relationship, i felt like their issues never really got resolved or are moving in a more constructive direction. i mean i guess this happens irl (bc ppl do stay in abusive relationships despite how bad it gets) but like i just had no fucking idea what misaki even saw in haru in the first place which sounds mean to haru but it’s true ?? like you gotta be attracted to SOMETHING first right, is it just bc he’s nice sometimes (this is worrying bc i’m someone who is weak to ppl simply being nice to me but also bruh if someone is beating my ass idk if i can be attracted to that) ?? it legit at times reminded me of bj alex which is an extremely unfortunate comparison in my book and you know what i just remembered that misaki was attracted to haru partly bc of his looks so uh yeah the comparison holds up.

i don’t even know if i can say i’m glad i read through these 2 volumes of sneaky red. apparently a 3rd volume is getting published next month and i’m like WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT ?? i saw a graphic of the side pairing (story covered in motion emotion) on the back cover which i got a lil excited abt bc i am intrigued by that pairing but like ... what else is there to talk abt re: sneaky red’s pairing. they’ve gotten together, they’re growing up and dealing with adult worries (jobs), and they’re moving in a more “positive” direction with their relationship (i.e., haru is opening up more to misaki) while attempting to hurdle the lingering issue of haru’s abuse -- what else is there to cover ... i think this artist really likes this couple which like makes sense for them since they’re their first published OCs but it’s prob just gonna be more senseless writing. the translated caption was like ‘the sequel of the famous debut work is here!’ and i’m like sneaky red is popular? this very unclearly written thing? but then again ppl liked k!lling st@alking and some of harada’s works that are OUT THERE are popular so i guess the fetish for abuse/hurt is strong ...

i didn’t really say anything coherent in this post bc deadass i don’t even remember what the fuck i read even though i read this manga like mere hrs ago which goes to show how much of an impact the story had on me (hint none). abuser stories are usually pretty hit or miss stories i feel, although tbh i don’t think i’ve ever read a hit story because the abuse is usually romanticized or somehow resolved without any issue which is frankly unrealistic and kind of dangerous to be telling people. i admit i don’t have personal experience with abuse (thankfully) so i guess i can’t really say stuff abt how realistic it is or not but ... just very disappointed with the story. i am still struggling to figure out what i liked abt this manga so much back then. i do like the art style a lot bc it’s unique compared to what you see in other BLs but the author’s writing is just very unclear sometimes ... it’s definitely improved since 2013 but ... hah. it was not really an enjoyable read. i legit wanted to stop reading at times but i’ve wanted to finish it for so long so i pushed on ... maybe i should reread so i can more definitively say what exactly i disliked but i don’t wanna read this again.

#sometimes i look at how long my posts are and i'm like there are ppl out there who READ all of this?#like i mean I'M forced to as the writer but ... far too many words. but i got a lot of things to say sometimes even though i'm prob repeatin #i used to tag the author but ik they have a tumblr and idk if i want them to see my posts bashing them lol #esp since i don't say anything constructive #i mean... i didn't censor their name though. yike #reading

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