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uncertaininnit · 3 years

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who wants to read an essay about my relationship with simping/an appreciation(/simping lol) post about Will+Eret and also seperately tommyinnit that was written at 4:22 am and then added to the queue because i love the queue system also fun fact i pronounced the word ‘queue’ as ‘cc-week’ for like an entire year and idk why anyways

lets just jump into it

lol

so. if somebody was to ask me who my favorite mcyt is, i would think about it for a moment and eventually answer with either Wilbur or Eret. and i think that is purely out of simping instinct or whatever the fuck.

to start, Wilbur; the prettiest man, period. i do not take constructive criticism. he is literally gorgeous and i get so mad at him for putting himself down all the time because he doesnt deserve the shit, especially not from himself. he is 24 years old and has the lowest self-esteem out of anybody i can think of. i want to yell in his face all the time. i want to tell him simps are the same species as him, and they have REASONS to simp. if you keep seeing appreciation posts about yourself (which im sure he does) that means people APPRECIATE YOU and WANT YOU to feel APPRECIATED.

anyway, back to simping. let’s start from the top. his goddamn hair. it is, it is, and i just took a deep breath, so pretty. maybe it isnt the hair itself, probably, but the way it is done. wavy dark brown hair all floofy in the front. and he is constantly messing with it, which is THE cutest thing. when he is excited, he moves a lot, and his hair moves with him and gets messed up and ahhhcvkvyr moving on.

his face? lets start with his eyes. they are so pretty. i think my opinion on eyes is probably weird, and allow me to explain why. i never ever notice somebodies eye color when talking to them. i just dont even look. so when i am actively paying attention to somebody’s eyes, they are that much more important to me. but idk, i kinda feel like his eyes are one of the biggest factors of his face? like, he looks really pretty whether he is smiling or not, because his face doesn’t ride on his smile.

sidetrack paragraph about george: i think george is that way. he is adorable, but he is only really adorable when he is smiling. if i look up ‘georgenotfound cute’ it will be entirely him smiling, and never any other facial expression because he genuinely looks like the fucking weirdest thing sometimes when making a serious face. back to will.

i dont pay attention to noses because who even cares dude but i’m sure his nose does a good job of supporting his looks as well so good job nose

his SMILE. he doesn’t need to smile, but dude, when he does, it’s like i always used to say (and still would say) in regards to eijiro kirishima. it’s like... sunbeams, like rays of light are in his mouth and escaping when he smiles.i wonder how he keeps a star in there. because his smile literally lights up my heart. and when he tilts his head(basically all the time luckily)? so goddamn pretty. pretty man. pretty.

that brings us to his neck, which is- no, kidding, but i do want to talk about his vocal chords! firstly his speaking voice, which i guess as an american it hits different for me because of the accent. but- i dont think i can put it into words. but the way he puts thoughts into words-(lol) idk, his voice is just really sweet. and his SINGING VOICE, here we go.

so he sings, duh. and i- holy fuck. he just sounds good, you know? he is a good singer. i want to put my emotions simply this time. he sings well, and he sounds good. a pretty voice for a pretty man. i cant even try to elaborate.

basically the only other thing of my concern is his fucking yellow sweater? or jumper or whatever the fuck? and his beanie? on his body? damn. i am genuinely attached to that sweater. it just looks good, ok? it does.

oh yeah, and he’s hella fucking tall. 6′5? are you kidding? you couldn’t have at least been short so we could make fun of you?

oh yeah and his laugh-

it is now 4:53 am and a bitch is tired but i have an entire fucking train of thoughts and they must be somewhere before they slip away

the next part- Eret. i adore Eret. so incredibly much. and let me start this by saying i’m going to consistantly call him a he, because he doesn’t care and so that makes it easier for me. ok? ok.

he is the opposite of Wilbur in this one regard, confidence. and self-esteem. eret loves himself. that attitude spreads. look, not only is he like the #1 bicon in the world as far as i’m concerned, but he also actively fucks gender roles any day. strawberry dress pog? strawberry dress pog.

but seriously, he rocked the strawberry dress. and the suit, though i missed that stream. he rocks his crown, his sunglasses, just anything he puts on. and don’t get me started on the BOOTS

(im started on the boots) so firstly the heel boots, the first ones he got. when i first saw clips, my only thought was something like ‘woah.’ or maybe ‘damn.’ at that point i didn’t know much about him, just that he looked STELLAR in those boots (and the betrayal and shit yknow) and the PLATFORMS DUDE

the platforms are the same but moar tall, which is incredible. oh and now back to strawberry dress- have you seen him twirl? the twirl? hello? have you seen it? you must.

also i havent even talked about HIM yet. hove you seen that picture of him with a bird on his shoulder? he is facing the bird, i think looking at it, with a wide smile across his face. and it is so pretty. he has the prettiest smile.

also today i was looking for flour at the store place and a clip of him was playing in my mind- he was doing like an announcer voice, like in every superhero movie trailer- and he was just coming up with something to say, and what he ened up saying was ‘in a world... where.... cookies.... are made of pringles’ and OMFG its making me laugh even now. like of absolutely anything, that was the example he made. just thinking about it is making me smile.

speaking of, have you heard his voice? his normal voice is really really deep anyways, but he has crazy range- he can effortlessly(i originally wrote effortly and when i noticed i laughed because i am so fucking tired bfv9wuocl) go from like an elmo impression (and a good one) to a just REALLY low voice, lower than his normal low voice.

AND HIS SINGING VOICE! he doesn’t like actually make music like wilbur but on that one stream where he did kareoke (how the fuck is it spelled) with fundy and his voice is SO LIKE its deep and its just pretty and i never want to hear normal sweater weather ever again, just him singing it.

i think this is where i’m done with eret- it is 5:18 now, and a BITCH IS TIRED but i need to finish this while i’m still feeling this wayy or i’ll never finish it, i know this from experience.

and now it’s tommy time

the og reason i decided to make this an actual post . but i had to explain the simping thing before i got into my thoughts about tommy.

but let me start this with just saying yes, i love him. he is a big man and i want him to be happy. which is the topic for today’s discussion, AHEM.

so tommyinnit, right? he is 16, which is why i do NOT simp.i dont care that im also a minor, i wouldn’t do anything to make him feel uncomfortable, ever. in any world. never. because look- i dont know how to put it, but tommy is SIXTEEN. still young and impressionable and all that junk. and he is a fairly fucking famous twitch streamer. he does that almost daily.

what i’m saying is i dont want him to get hurt. him, and tubbo too. they are a part of the world, part of the public, all the time. don’t you think that is stressful? do you guys remember his haircut stream? on the day of his haircut? and chat was making fun of him for it, and wilbur was making fun of him for it. that is how i express affection, with my real friends as well. playful bullying. but at some point while Will was teasing him, he says something along the lines of ‘yeah, the big man hasn’t been having too great a day’ or something like that, and dude, my heart dropped.

a. he had mentioned earlier that he didn’t want to stream the day of his haircut because hair is always weird that first day, but since he hadn’t streamed in a good bit he felt obliged to. i dont really.. idk, i dont really like that. i dont want him to have to put himself in uncomfortable situations because he feels like he needs to for us. i don’t think that is healthy.

and b. chat and wilbur were bullying him. good-naturedly, but still, when he mentioned he had been having a bad day, the chat turned around and instantly started yelling shit like ‘AHHHH SORRY BIG MAN YOUR HAIR IS FINE’ and when Wilbur kept teasing him (you fucking beautiful bully man fuck off) yelling stuff like ‘WILBUR QUIT WE ARE H U R T I N G HIM’ and ‘WILL STFU HES HAVING A BAD DAY’ so im glad we all want him to feel ok

but still, it cannot be healthy. when i first got into MCYT, i though tommy was fucking loud and annoying. and he is! he is. but that is a big part of why i like him so much. and everyone jokes about him being a child, because he is, but i choose to not say stuff like that in chat just because i want him to be happy. those jokes are fun, but i want him to be happy. and he is happier when not being called a child.

im not attacking you, do whatever the fuck you want. i dont know why i feel the need to protect him or whatever, if he read this he would probably think i was hella creepy. i just- listen, i just want him to be happy. i just want him to smile and laugh. i sound SO GODDAMN CREEPY but- as ive said- i just want him to be happy.

is this literally just what having a comfort streamer is? am i not crazy? does everyone experience this? and can we talk about tommy’s playlist it’s literally so sweet and bubbly compared to his personality and i love that. and the song he always plays at the start of stream and always like buzzes along to? that moment in time is my very favorite.

it is 5:44-

#simp #like im literally the biggest simp #mcyt #dream smp #wilbur soot #the_eret #tommyinnit

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khiphop-stories · 5 years

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Getting Off The Wrong Foot

[Christian Yu | Chapter VIII]

“What?“ You stared at him dumbfounded, for a moment your whole body froze.

“It’s way closer than driving all the way to your office, then back to your apartment and I’ll also have to get home. Plus, we’re both tired,” he reasoned and you knew he was right, your office was way too far away, yet you still felt a bit uneasy.

“It’s not the first time, Min,“ he chuckled as he noticed your reluctancy.

You looked at him with hesitation as you thought about his offer. It sounded very appealing to you. You were dead tired and all you wanted to do was sleep. You didn’t have the energy to cruise around Seoul in the middle of the night and Christian was exhausted as well. You didn’t want to burden him more than you did and you knew he wouldn’t let you take a cab, so you eventually agreed.

~*~

“I’ll take the couch then,” you stopped in your tracks once you arrived in the living room. He turned around to you, giving you a weird look.

”We had sex…how many times? And now you’re afraid to sleep in the same bed as me?” He laughed out loud, cocking up his brows at you.

”No, it’s just…”

”Take the bed, Minhee. I’ll take the couch.” He didn’t wait for you to finish your sentence, instead he walked into his bedroom, picking up a spare pillow and blanket.

”You’ve already done enough. This is your home, I’d feel bad if you’d have to sleep on the couch because of me,” you walked to him and took the blanket and pillow from his arms. As stubborn as he is, he usually would have insisted to sleep on the couch so you could have the bed, but you both were too tired to fight, so he gave in without further protest.

~*~

It had been a long time since you last slept in. Although the couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to be spending the night, you slept quite well and if Lori didn’t jump on you, you would probably have slept until through the entire day. You cuddled with Lori, until the smell of your hair bothered you so much that you had to do something against it. It smelt like a mixture of liquor and nicotine and that certainly was not a nice scent. “Go wake your Daddy up,” you instructed Lori, because you didn’t want to overstep boundaries and walk into his room to wake him up yourself. But you also couldn’t just use his shower without asking him either. Hence, the only solution was to send Lori.

“Hey little girl,” you heard his voice from the other room. You heard him let out a hearty yawn, some rusting and shortly after he came walking into the living room.

“You’re already awake?” He blinked at you surprised, a small smile played on his lips upon seeing you.

“You’re hungry?” He asked you.

“Yeah, I’m starving!” You nodded your head at him. “Can I take a shower? I smell horrible.”

“Sure, I’ll get you a towel.”

~*~

The moment you stepped out of the bathroom, a sweet, savory aroma wafted through the air, finding its way to your nose. Your nose tingled with that familiar scent. The table was set, the food waiting to be devoured. Your lips turned into a smile at that sight. “I could get used to this,“ you joked as you sat down.

“Maybe you need to sleep over more often,” he winked at you playfully.

The food tasted surprisingly well. You didn’t know whether it was because you were starving and hungover, or because he was actually a good cook.

“Do you think you will be able to finish the video before the deadline? We already lost two days.” You started to make some small talk with him, since he had been awfully quiet and you just didn’t like the silence. “Really?” The bottom half of his face turned into an amused grin. “It’s your day off and you’re talking about work?”

All you ever talked about was either work, your messy life, or sex. You realized you barely even knew anything about him while he knew the most embarrassing details of your life.

“Why don’t I know anything about you?” You thought out loud, as you narrowed your eyes at him in suspicion.

“You never asked,” he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“You never asked to get involved in my messy love life either, yet here we are,” you chuckled at him lightly.

“What do you want to know?” “I don’t know. Anything.” “Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you,” he said out of the blue, his eyes widening as though he had just remembered something.

“Ok?” You raised one of your brows at him. “It’s more like a favor?” “How is that telling me something about you?” You broke into laughter. “It involves my family.”

“I still don’t get it,” you shook your head with a chuckle, nonetheless you motioned him to go on.

“My aunt’s birthday is in four weeks. She’s hosting this huge party. All my relatives are going to be there,” he began to tell you, slowly touching on the topic. His eyes remained on you, observing your reaction. He couldn’t really judge if he could ask this favour of you, so he carefully set the groundwork.

“Go on,” you instructed him with a nod.

“My relatives are really nosy. Especially my aunts. They’re all up in my business, constantly trying to set me up with someone.”

“Don’t tell me you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend?” You joked with a laugh, the way he was saying it made it easy to guess what the favour was about.

“Basically,” he sheepishly mumbled under his breath.

“Lying to your family never works well,” you pointed out. “You have experience with that?” He teased you with a grin on his lips. “We’re not talking about me right now,” you didn’t allow him to change the topic.

“It’s just…every time we gather I have to listen to the constant nagging, pushing for marriage, introducing me to girls I have no interest in, forcing me to take them out on dates.“

“‘Oh no too many girls like me. I don’t want to choose.’,” you teasingly imitated him with a low voice. “You got some first world problems, Christian.”

Christian laughed at you embarrassed, his eyes avoiding yours. “Doesn’t your family get on your nerves? I mean you’re at the age where—“

“You’re saying I’m old?” You asked him with a stern voice, your face frowning as though he had just offended you gravely. “N-no… I-I meant…” he stumbled nervously trying to save himself from an awkward situation. “I’m messing with you,” you broke out into laughter. Then you face turned serious again. “I haven’t told them about Kiseok yet.”

“They still think you guys are dating?” “They love him. Like seriously. They adore him. And I’m not ready to hear them say ‘you’re making the biggest mistake of your life, you have to forgive him, men have their needs and whatsoever’. Because then I’d seriously start doubting my decision.”

“You made the right choice.” “I know, but you start losing confidence when the people closest to you are saying you’re making a mistake....but anyway...your aunt’s birthday?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend for one day?” He asked you straight forward, raising his brows with anticipation, hoping you would agree to it. “Why don’t you just find yourself a girl instead of pretending to be in a relationship?” You asked him, amused at the fact that he would go all out to deceive his relatives.

“It’s not that easy.” “Literally every girl finds you attractive. The choice is yours,” you chuckled.

“I don’t want to force myself to fall in love with someone. I want to do it the old school way, going on dates, getting to know each other, falling for each other. And there needs to be some kind of attraction for that to happen.”

“I didn’t know you were such a romantic,” you commented in a teasing tone, wriggling your brows at him.

“I didn’t know either,” he chuckled. There was a hint of embarrassment in his tone.

“Ok, I’ll do it,” you eventually agreed.

~*~

As you finished having breakfast, Christian told you he would drive you to the office to get your keys, but he wanted to take a quick shower first, so you waited for him in the living room. You checked your emails and played with Lori. You were so focused on Lori that you didn’t even hear Christian entering the room. He leaned against the door frame a smile on his lips as he saw you with Lori. “She really likes you.”

You jumped a bit in surprise, his voice being closer than you had expected. You quickly turned around to him and gave him a smile.“I’ve always wanted a dog, but Kiseok was allergic to them.”

His hair was still wet from showering. You saw how the water accumulated at the tip of his hair, before dripping down on his body, running down his chest, then to his abs. Your eyes lingered on his body longer than you intended.

“Like what you’re seeing, yeah?“ Christian called you out on staring. A smirk appeared on his lips as he noticed your gaze.

“You’re running around half naked, you’re asking for it.“

Christian sat down on the floor next to you, watching you with a soft smile as you continued to play with Lori. It was a huge turn on for him seeing a girl getting a long with his dog. Lori was rather shy, she used to always hide when there were guests around. But she seemed to like you a lot and anyone who had Lori’s approval automatically also won his heart.

You didn’t pay him much attention, until you felt a hot breath against your neck, then the tender brush of his soft lips. His hand gently glided through your hair, brushing them aside. You didn’t lean in, because you didn’t want to seem too eager, but it was exactly what you wanted the moment you saw him when he got out of the shower. You tried to be indifferent, you didn’t want to let someone with an ego like his know how much power he had over you. Your skin was burning with desire. You felt an icy droplet of water which fell down from his hair, run down your skin. You turned your head to him and he captured your lips in a kiss, earning a soft moan from you. You felt his smirk against your lips as he heard the moan you were trying to suppress. You held him gently, cupping his face in one hand as you let yourself get loss in that kiss. He gently lay you down on the floor, climbing on top of you. He pulled the t-shirt you were wearing over your head and threw it somewhere on the floor.

“Fuck,“ he groaned as his eyes wandered down your body. His breaths grew heavier and his eyes turned dark with lust.

“I’ve been wanting to do this since yesterday.“

“You talk too much.“ You grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down into a kiss.

“Let’s move this to the bedroom.“ He got onto his feet and pulled you up with him. Lori got excited as she thought he was going to play with her. But right now, he didn’t have that much interest in playing with her at all, his mind was somewhere else.

“Lori, stay,“ he instructed as the two of you disappeared into his bedroom.

~*~

[Time Leap]

You haven’t talked to Christian for the past week which did feel a bit weird, because he usually texted you everyday with no particular reason and you got quite used to it, but it didn’t bother that much, since the DPR crew had already warned you about his habits.

Whenever he was in the process of editing he would shut himself off from the world. He wouldn’t talk to anyone during that time because he didn’t want to have any distractions around him.

You had grown closer to Scott since Christian wasn’t available anymore, so he became your contact person for anything related to the Nike collaboration. You had several meetings to discuss the launch of the new store in Gangnam and the release of the shoe collaboration. Dabin was scheduled to perform the new song at the launch party for the first time and he was quite nervous about it, yet excited at the same time. His passion reminded you of your own when you first started in this industry. It was like taking a trip down memory lane. You saw a lot of yourself in him. Back then things weren’t necessarily easier, in fact it was tougher than now in a different way. It was a struggle day in, day out, trying to get acknowledged, to make a name for yourself while also trying to make a living out of something you loved. You didn’t have the support, respect and money you had now, but it felt as though the whole world lay beneath your feet, as though nothing was holding you back and you could be anything you wanted to be. The canvas were blank and you could draw anything your heart desired. But once you swept the brush against your canvas, it couldn’t be erased anymore. There was no going back and somewhere along the way everything became routine, a chunk of passion was lost and was replaced with pressure and anxiety.

~*~

[Time Leap]

“What are you doing here?” Christian’s face was washed blank with surprise, like his brain cells couldn’t take in the information from his wide eyes fast enough. Every muscle of his body just froze before a small smile played on his lips. Having you standing in front of his door at the middle of the night was certainly a surprise to him, but it was one of the surprises he quite liked.

Christian wasn’t wearing a t-shirt, like always, almost as though he was allergic to them. He always ran around shirtless in his own four walls. You had gotten so used to seeing him half naked, that it didn’t even faze you anymore.

“Scott told me to check whether you’re alive since he hasn’t heard anything from you for days.” You shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly. It was only half of the truth. You were actually also worried about him. They had told you that Christian wouldn’t leave his apartment and sometimes even forget to eat when he was in his flow. You wanted to make sure he was alive and fine. In addition to that, you also had to check his progress with the video and since his phone was literally shut down, the only option was to meet him personally.

You waited for him to step aside, so you could enter his apartment. It was freezing cold outside, you almost couldn’t feel your face anymore. The warm air from inside that brushed against your skin made it a little bit more bearable. Christian noticed your shattering teeth, so he quickly pulled his door wide open, inviting you into his home.

You hurried inside the warmth.

“Since when are you and Scott so close?” Christian lifted up one of his brows at you, his lips stretching into a naughty grin. He walked straight into his kitchen and began to boil some water.

“Jealous?“

“I might just be,“ he smiled at you playfully.

“Tea?“ He asked only after he already had taken out a cup from his cupboard.

You nodded your head shortly in response, as you joined him in the kitchen. You gently placed the plastic bag in your hands down on the counter next to you and hopped on the counter, legs dangling from above as you watched him. Anything that warmed you body now was good. He put the cup on top of the counter and filled it with hot water.

“Watch out,” he gently held your head with one hand as the other reached out to the cupboard above you. You quickly duck your head to avoid being knocked down by the door. He took out a tea bag and dipped it into the water.

“He said he was scared,” you said as you watched him preparing your tea.

“Of me?” He raised his brows, mustering your face.

„Apparently you can be very grumpy if somebody breaks your flow…and if you didn’t get enough sleep.“

“Oh, so you’re bitching about me when I’m not around, yeah?” He stood in front of you with his arms crossed in front of his chest, trying to keep a stern expression on his face. But you knew he was joking. The smile in his brown eyes gave it away.

“Among other things,” you stuck out your tongue teasingly while shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly.

“So Scott sent you into the lion’s den? You’re not scared?” He wriggled his brows teasingly.

“I know how to tame a lion.”

“Do you?” Christian stepped in between your legs, resting his hands on your thighs. He leaned his head in until your forehead touched. You moved in closer so your lips would slightly brush his, but before he could capture you in kiss, you quickly pulled back. “I think the tea is done,” you turned your head to the side, looking at the cup.

Christian groaned and threw his head back in frustration, his hands still on your thighs. Then he inspected you, nodding his head in defeat.

“You came here to tease me, yeah?” He stepped away and threw the tea bag into the trash.

“Just making sure you’re not dead,” the corner of your lips stretched into a grin. “That’s it?” “And maybe I want to get a glimpse of the video.”

~*~

With your hands around the cup of tea, you carefully sat down on the pillow Christian had placed on the floor next to him for you.

“Where’s Lori?” You asked realizing it was strangely quiet in his apartment. The tapping of Lori’s little paws against the wooden floor was missing.

“She’s with Dabin. I haven’t gone out the past few days,”

“Poor Lori.” “She’s in good hands.”

“She’s been abandoned by you.”

“I didn’t want to get distracted and Lori’s really needy. I can’t give her all the attention now,” he laughed. His eyes were now fixed on the display, he quickly saved his progress, before he played you the excerpt he had already finished editing. It was only around 30 seconds long, but what you saw blew you away. You knew he was talented, you had already expected it to be great, but somehow he managed to exceed all your expectations by far.

“Wow.” That word was the only thing you managed to say as the display turned black again. You were too impressed with the outcome that you were momentarily at loss for words.

“It’s amazing, Christian,” you turned your head to him in awe. “The editing, the color coding, the quality....everything is just perfect.”

A huge grin played on his lips. Of course he knew the excerpt was good, he wouldn’t have shown it to you otherwise if he wasn’t confident in it. But he didn’t think you would like it that much, it was only 30 seconds long after all. He loved being showered with compliments for his work and he loved it even more that those compliments were coming from you.

“I’m glad you like it.” “I love it,” you corrected him, “but...” you clapped your hands together and got up on your feet. “I should go now and let you do your thing.”

“Already?” He asked you and you could have sworn you heard a trace of disappointment in his voice. “I don’t want to distract you and I rather leave before you throw me out like Lori,” you joked.

“I’m not gonna throw you out.” “There’s food on the table. Make sure to eat it, before it turns bad,” you said as you walked towards the door.

“What food?” “Do you think I came here empty-handed?” You chuckled and pointed to the white plastic bag on his counter. He was too busy staring at you earlier that he didn’t even notice when you had put the bag on his counter. He didn’t even smell the food, but maybe he was too distracted by your perfume that he didn’t sense anything else.

“Thanks, Min.”

~*~

[Time leap]

Today was the day; the day Nike would be opening their new store and launch their collaboration with DPR. It was one of Nike’s biggest and most anticipated public events this year. You had checked the guest list earlier this week and numerous celebrities were invited, ranging from athletes to A list celebrities. Among the names of invitees you had also found AOMG. You weren’t too fond of bumping into your ex, especially on such an important night for you. You could have easily asked the crew to cross out his name, but you decided to be the bigger person. It was time to stop with those petty games so the both of you could move on. So you left his name on the list hoping the evening would go by smoothly.

“Wow.“ A familiar male voice from behind exclaimed in awe. You swirled around on your heels to confirm who he was. As you greeted him with a bright smile, you noticed how he eyed you up and down biting on his bottom lip.

“Done staring?“ You rolled your eyes at him.

“You look beautiful,“ he said in a whisper. His gaze cruising your figure, lingering a little bit too long. You suddenly felt embarrassed under his unrelenting stare and your cheeks took on a faint pinkish hue. You felt an unexpected urge to hide yourself so you shifted in your position awkwardly and adjusted the white blazer that was hanging over your shoulders.

“I can’t believe you’re still that shy around me,“ a smirk covered his lips. “I’ve seen you in less than that, babe,“ he whispered into your ear teasingly as he leaned forward to give you a hug. “Shut up, Christian!“ You gave him a punch in retaliation. He really didn’t have a filter. No matter where and when, he had the ability to turn every conversation dirty.

“So…are our work together has officially ended,“ his eyes rested on you gently, not blinking.

„Finally! Working with you was a pain in the ass.“ It was your turn to tease him, but he didn’t let it get to him.

„I’d still like to see you though.“

„We’ll work something out,“ you winked at him.

~*~

The second time you met his eyes that evening, he was surrounded by female celebrities. Of course he was, he was Christian Yu after all. He was charming, sweet and insanely attractive. Although he was surrounded by all these beautiful women, it seemed as though he just couldn’t take his eyes off you. He was staring at you from the corner of the room, a smile creeping on his lips when your eyes locked. It didn’t last long though, you broke it quickly turning your eyes back to the person you were originally talking to.

“Are you here with Christian?“ Jay questioned you, his eyes piercing through you. There was this judgmental look in his eyes again which you just couldn’t get used to. You tried to brush it off, but knowing someone whose opinion mattered to you was slowly starting to doubt your decisions did make you feel bad, almost as though you had let him down.

“How did you get that idea?“ „I saw you two talking earlier…more like eye-fucking,“ he added teasingly as he wriggled his brows suggestively. Jay always hid behind his goofiness, because he had difficulties finding the right words to say. Just like he was doing now. He was worried about you and he didn’t like the fact that you were spending so much time with someone who in his eyes could and would possibly hurt you. “We worked on a project, Jay. Nothing more, nothing less,“ you sighed.

“I know when you’re hiding something,“ Jay pointed out, his tone softer than before as though he was trying to show you that you could trust him.

“Fine. We’re fucking. Is that what you wanna hear?“

“Do you like him?“ “I wouldn’t sleep with him if I hated him,” you said matter of factly. “Turn around,” he instructed you.

„Why?“ You furrowed your brows at him, the irritation visible in your voice.

„Just turn around.“

You slowly turned your head to the side, trying not to make it obvious that you were staring. You weren’t even sure what you were looking for in the first place, but then you saw Christian on the other side of the room. He took his phone out and handed it to one of the girls.

“That’s the kind of guy he is. He might make you feel special, but to him you’re just a quick fuck.“

You turned back to Jay, letting out a long sigh. You knew he was just looking out for you. But despite your knowledge, you just found him incredibly insufferable right now. Since meeting Christian, you had finally gotten your life back under control, instead of crying or drinking yourself to sleep every day. Of course, it wasn’t solely because of Christian, but he definitely played a part in it. He distracted you when you needed to be, he comforted you when you were caught up in feelings, he lend you an ear when you just wanted to talk.

“He’s getting her number, so?” “It doesn’t bother you?” “No,” you shook your head. “I don’t care whom he’s screwing.” “You don’t mind sharing the guy you’re sleeping with with other girls?” Jay cocked up one of his brows, not believing a word you were saying.

“As long as he uses a condom, I’m good,” you shrugged your shoulders.

“Sex used to be something meaningful to you.”

“Well, things change,” the irritation was now evident in your voice.

“I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

”I don’t need to be protected, Jay. I’m not a child. I know what I’m doing.“

“I really hope you do,” Jay nodded his head with a sigh of defeat. He decided to let it got since he hated fighting, especially with you. He was more of a pacifist who would always try to find a compromise. But there was no compromise here, either he would have to stop judging your decisions concerning Christian or he would push you further away while trying to protect you. You knew Jay had good intentions, the fact that he picked a fight with you only showed how much he cared and was concerned about you. But you didn’t need him to mother you. You just needed the friend who had your back no matter what.

~*~

You had successfully managed to avoid Kiseok since the beginning of the event. You knew he would hang around the DJ booth with other musicians, so you spend most of the time far away from there, conversing with directors and managers. Networking was part of the job after all. But of course it was only a matter of time Kiseok would seek you out. It wasn’t like him to stay quiet and act like he didn’t know you. No, he had to make sure you knew he was there as well...

Sorry for ending it here lol, but this chapter was way too long so I had to divide it in two parts.

#christian yu #christian yu scenarios #khh scenarios #khiphop scenarios #christian yu imagine #khh imagines #dpr scenarios #getting off the wrong foot #dpr

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shirts181 · 4 years

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Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be? Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

#anxiety #depression #latenightthoughts #venting #myreality #mylife #imisstheoldme #shellberightmate #bullshitery #mentalsuffering #mentalhealthissues

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soft-sarcasm · 5 years

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PARK CHANYEOL: CATCH FEELINGS.

Pairing: park chanyeol x reader. Genre: fluff, mild angst, lots of running, some use of the weed so yeah. Word count: 2,7k+ a/n: holy moly guys its been too long, i don’t think ive posted anything this year and thats a crime. i really do have a poly!chanbaek series in my drafts but it ain’t even close to be finished, along witht he 12 other wips including a CEO!JUMNYEON one that really put me throughout it while i was writing it. please take this small offering as my humble apology and tell me what you thought if you feel like it, yeah enjoy guys, sorry for the hiatus.

There were plenty things you were talented at; making the perfect cup of coffee, getting your winged eyeliner symmetrical on the first try and always having the most crowd-friendly playlist so that everyone heard something that they could appreciate. One thing that didn't make the list of ‘things you were talented at’ was navigating normal human emotions, especially of the romantic variety. A rather large thing to be left off of the list but there was little you could do to remedy it when your solution for dealing with complex and heavy emotions had always been to shut down and high tail it out of the situation as quickly as possible. It was just how you coped and was probably the reason as to why you had never participated in any sort of relationship with another person aside from ones of a platonic nature and you had only recently become comfortable with the responsibility of just being a friend to someone fairly recently.

Which was why you could literally feel your body preparing to bolt as your brain finally finished processing that this shit was real and you were currently being confessed to the Park Chanyeol.

“So….. what do you say?” Chanyeol finally prompted, taking a small beat of silence to recover from his initial admittance.

The unbridled look of expectancy and emotional transparency in his eyes was making your skin crawl and your palms sweat. What do you say to one of the most unapologetically sincere people after they’ve exposed their most intimate feeling for you to you? Definitely not run for the closest exit without a single word, definitely not that.

Which was why that was definitely what you were currently doing.

You had reached the front door of Chanyeol’s apartment before you even realised you were moving. Completely disregarding all reason and common sense as you yanked open the door, halfway down the stairwell before Chanyeol could even reach the hallway, shouting your name as you kept up your rapid movement. You weren’t even sure where you were going, especially as you hadn’t had the time to ask Chanyeol as to why you were even in his apartment in the first place before he unloaded all that feeling shit onto you.

All you could recall from the previous night was drinking one too many of Baekhyun’s homemade concoctions before nuzzling into Chanyeol’s shoulder, giggles spilling for your lips as you blindly reached for the joint in his hand and then there was nothing, nothing until you were coming to, bundled within the cosy confines of Chanyeol’s bed. You felt slightly ambushed by Chanyeol’s confession to be honest, especially as he knew almost better than anyone just how tender Baekhyun’s cocktail left one the next day and for him to admit that all to you, with such confidence and certainty. From what you could remember you even recalled him making reference to some admittance of your own as if you had been the first to start the emotional vomit train which you most certainly were not. There was no way he had been able to get any of the deep-rooted feelings you had formed for him over the past couple months of your friendship after being introduced at one of Minseok’s house party. There was no fucking way that drunk you would betray sober you that way, drunk and sober you were friends, best friends even, they had each other backs when it came to bullshit like this…..

Fuck.

You were on a street you didn’t recognize, panting as your feet burned from their harsh trapse against the pavement and it was the first time you took notice of your current state; barefoot and in nothing but what you could only assume was a pair of Chanyeol’s boxers and one of his shirts to match. Lucky for you it was only six am on a Sunday which meant most people in the student district for going to be in bed until at least 12pm, a past time you should be taking part in which made you even more frustrated with the situation. What was Chanyeol thinking? Laying all this on you before 8am on a bloody weekend? What had you done to deserve this sort of punishment?

Things between you and Chanyeol had finally smoothed out to the uttermost state of comfort and ease, with you recently falling into the pleasant routine of seeing each other on a daily basis while blatantly ignoring the more than platonic feelings you had for each other. It had been perfect! But now you were under the suspicion that drunk you had gone and ruined all of that by giving Chanyeol the impression that it was somehow okay for your relationship to be escalated. No. You weren’t ready to fuck up things with Chanyeol yet and that’s what always happened when things started getting romantic.

Suddenly emotional dependency would be a thing and your self-esteem was so tightly wired to the other person that if they were doing the slightest thing to injure your self-worth it instantly caused you to fall apart. It was frightening, the amount of responsibility you held for the other person’s emotional state when you were in a relationship which was why you could never understand those who were able to just jump start into a partnership with another person. Weren’t they worried that they were making themselves too vulnerable? Or weren’t they concerned with the fact that they were now emotionally responsible for another person?

“Shit,” the explicit slipped from your lips before you even comprehended it as you tugged at the roots of your hair in your typical show of stress. “This is bad.”

The elderly lady walking her poodle gave you a bizarre glance as you continued to mutter yourself but you were too personally concerned to muster embarrassment. You did take a moment to imagine what you looked like to any local bystander, quite clearly wearing clothes that did not belong to you or your gender, grabbing your hair like an absolute loon; not to mention the lack of feet coverings, but that wasn’t your main worry right now. You were more focused on trying to summon some sort of recollection from the evening before because your brain had now latched onto something Chanyeol had let slip during his admittance and you couldn’t let it go.

“I wasn’t going to say anything until I was sure you felt the same, but after last night I’m sure.”

Last night, Last night, what the fuck did you say last night?

Only flickers were coming back, like a constant shifting dream. You summoned glimpses of holding onto Chanyeol, of your obnoxiously loud laugh as you found something Baekhyun had said far more entertaining than it actually was of you snuggling into the weight of his arm draped over your shoulders, of your head cradled into his neck as he carried you somewhere, probably to his room where you had woken up only minutes prior. But there were fragments missing and there was a smudged scene you just couldn’t recall as you pressed your fingers to your throbbing temples in an attempt to magically bring it forth for the recesses of your shell shocked bewildered brain.

And then like a wave, it flooded back.

You and Chanyeol were standing outside of one of the many convenience stores that littered the corners of his neighbourhood. Presumably, you had just left Baekhyun’s place and under the further assumption you had stopped for Chanyeol to buy some water for your drunk ass if the water bottle in his hand was anything to go off of. You had been left outside to lean on a pole for the safety of yourself and the contents of the cramped store. During his mission throughout the store, you had been in a heated dispute with the pole, that as most likely a lamp post, had started moving in attempts to shrug you off from your means of support. Fucking asshole.

Upon Chanyeol’s return to collect you, your brain had decided that it was time to just spout everything out.

“Are you serious right now?” Chanyeol gaped, mouth parted in utter disbelief.

You giggled, stumbling in your spot as you reached forward to boop his noise as you struggled to keep yourself from not swaying, “Of course I’m being serious.”

“You’re not fucking with me right?” He further pushed for confirmation, as if what you had just revealed was so absurd that it had to be double checked. “Is really happening right now?”

“You bet your sweet ass it is,” You crooned, absolutely thriving in the grip Chanyeol instantly placed on your forearms to keep you from staggering, “Should I repeat it so you’re sure?”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” He admitted, “I’m having a hard time convincing myself that this isn’t some sort of dream or something.”

“Okay,” Suddenly you were summoning your best impression of sober you, an expression of complete seriousness masking your face as you straightened and stood firm, “I fucking like you Park Chanyeol, in a romantic way, and I would like to be with you, in a romantic way. If you’re cool with that.”

You caught the look of absolute flabbergast on Chanyeol’s face even through your alcohol fogged perception and it made a shrill laugh rumble from your chest as you reached to pinch his cheek, “You’re so fucking handsome you know that? It’s one of the things I like about you, that and everything else, obviously.”

“I can’t believe that this is actually a thing right now.”

“So…. what do you say?”

Chanyeol had never hated the maze-like nature of Seoul neighbourhoods as much as he did right now. There were too many possible turns you might have taken in your unexpected mad dash and he found himself all but sprinting down every viable option that you could have possibly reached in the amount of time since you had sprinted off. He somewhat wished that he had been told just how fucking fast you were when you wanted to get away from something because holy shit one moment you were there and then the next you were just gone.

He knew it was a fucking stupid idea to bombard you with all of that so early in the morning but he couldn’t help it. He had been waiting for some sort of sign that you liked him back for some long so when he finally was given what he had taken as solid, unquestionable evidence he hadn’t been able to stop himself for letting it all at as soon as you showed your first signs of consciousness he. If he had known you were going to react in the way you did, I.e fucking bolting, he would have kept it to himself until at least after a cup of coffee and some weed to mellow out the situation. Instead, he had been an idiot and now he was left to search you, again, like an idiot.

He was on the cusp of giving up now, of resigning himself to the fact that your confession was a moment of drunk madness and you had simply come to your sense and realised that did in fact not fucking like him in a romantic way. He was also prepared to further resign himself to the fact that you were probably now too freaked out and would most likely never speak to even again which would result in him moping around for a while before having to eventual move on and suffer the awkwardness of seeing you at group gathering.

And then he saw you, still half dressed in his clothes, shoeless and squat down on the step of an apartment building with the most concerned expression on your face that he had ever seen. He was almost tempted to turn back, to avoid the discomfort and embarrassment that would ensue during the course of this conversation.

I’m sorry Chanyeol, I was drunk, I don’t actually feel that way about you.

And he wouldn’t even be able to be mad at you because hell he had said plenty of things that he didn’t mean while drunk. For example, the time he tried to seduce Baekhyun into sleeping with him after one too many soju bombs, only to wake up the next morning thoroughly glad that his friend had taken a pass because he wasn’t 'into Chanyeol that way,’ a wounding comment but a relief in retrospect.

But this needed to be done, this needed to be solved so you could both move on with your lives. So Chanyeol took a deep breath and uttered your name.

Your reaction was immediate, head snapping up from its hunch as your eyes widened to saucers and you scrambled to your bare feet.

“Chanyeol,” You spoke in a similar flustered fashion as he minimised the space between you two.

“Hi,” He responded as you simply blinked at him.

There was a beat of silence as you both just stared at one another before you were both compelled to speak.

“I’m sorry, let’s just forget about it-”

“I say yes-”

It was only a moment after Chanyeol had spoken his own apology that his brain actually realised what you had said. Yes. Yes to what? To never seeing him again? Yes, you didn’t feel the same? Or yes to his previous question.

Do you want to be with me?

“I’m sorry,” He repeated but this time for a completely separate purpose of you clarifying yourself, “What?”

“I say yes,” You reaffirmed, more confidence in your tone this time around. “I do want to be with you.”

“Are you serious?” Chanyeol felt as if last night was simply repeating itself as he gaped at you.

“Yes. I’m serious. Though I have to warn you I’m not really good at this whole romantic thing and holy fuck I’m absolutely terrified right now but I also know that I really fucking like you and I think it’s time that I stop being afraid of that and that I actually just fucking try something for once in my-”

He couldn’t help but reach out for your, hand finding a gentle perch on your forearm so that you actually looked him in the eye instead of the pavement you had suddenly found extremely interesting. “Thank you.”

Confusion flashed through your eyes, “For what?”

“For deciding that I was worth trying.”

“What do you mean worth trying?” You scoffed back, “You’re more than worth it, you deserve way fucking more than my dysfunctional, the emotionally stunted ass can give you, really I should be the one thanking you because reall-”

You were cut off by the plush of Chanyeoul’s lips against yours, a cliche move to silence your rambling but one you instantly reciprocated as heat bloomed in your chest. You hadn’t fully realised just how much you had been aching for this until now until there was suddenly a purr of content coming from the cavity that pumped blood throughout your body and never failed to tell you where you were flustered or overwhelmed.

It felt like eons later and yet not long enough when Chanyeol finally pulled back, a smile on his lips, “Are you done running away now?”

A snorted laugh escaped you as you rolled your eyes, “For now at least.” You reached up to yet again boop his nose, “got keep things exciting somehow.”

#writing #exo scenarios #chanyeol scenarios #park chanyeol scenarios #exo fluff #exo angst #exo #park chanyeol #kpo scenarios #kpop

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theborahaecat · 5 years

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Penny for your thoughts? - Chapter IV

Title: Penny for your thoughts? [Telepathy AU] Relationship: Kim Taehyung/Jeon Jungkook Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content in later chapters. Word count: 4150 Summary: “~ Ahhhhhh, pretty boy is staring at us, definitely us. - Oh my god, will you stop screaming? ~ Oh look, he looks so adorable with those wide eyes, oh God, why is he so near. - It’s okay breathe. Breathe, and try not to do anything stupid. Oh no no, don’t stare. ~ Woah, so pretty. - No, I said do NOT stare. ~ Did you? Sorry, I must have heard you wrong.

A clear-cut internal thought-conversation? This was rare, Jungkook noted as he turned away, trying so hard not to smile.”

OR,

Jungkook can feel everyone’s thoughts and emotions, and Taehyung is that one person who thinks too loud.

Read CHAPTER I here.

Read CHAPTER II here.

Read CHAPTER III here.

… … … … … … … … … … . .

Jungkook stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets, gazing at how the yellow halo of a streetlamp blurred into the fading night. Perhaps he should have brought a jacket.

He stifled a yawn, checking the time. Taehyung wanted to take pictures of the sunrise, so they had decided to meet really early. Jungkook sighed, exasperated by his own nervousness. Here he was, with over a quarter of an hour left until the allotted ‘really early’.

He leaned back against a tree, wondering why Taehyung had chosen to meet at the bus stop nearest to his apartment. He couldn’t have known where Jungkook lived, could he? Maybe he lived somewhere nearby too. Jungkook wondered why the thought of that cheered him up a little.

He studied the cemented sidewalk before him, letting faint, muted dream-thoughts from all around the sleeping street flow through his mind. He liked this peaceful period between two and six in the morning when he could let his guard down.

He let his mind wander to Taehyung’s shy smile, his cute, panicky thought-conversations, his bright eyes and darkened gaze that burned through Jungkook’s soul, completely oblivious to how tenderly he was now gazing at the edge of the sidewalk, alone in semi-darkness.

~ We’re late, aren’t we? - We’re five minutes early. ~ Oh no, we’re early? - Ye- Wait, what? It’s okay to be early, right? ~ Oh. Yeah, okay-er I guess.

Jungkook fought the urge to smile. Taehyung was somewhere around the corner, excited, nervous, nervous, panicking, overjoyed, nervous.

~ What if he doesn’t turn up? - He would text us or something, right? ~ But what if he stands us up? - He wouldn’t. ~ How are we so sure? - …We’re not… ~ Well then, what if? - Then we go alone. ~ But we don’t wanna go alone… - That was the plan in the first place, remember? ~ But then we promised us we’d go with Angel. - Maybe he’ll come. If we can wait just one minute till we go around this corner- ~ We wanna meet Angel. - Jungkook. ~ That’s what I said. - We met him literally yesterday. ~ But we miss him! - Ugh. Dramatic.

Jungkook found himself smiling fondly. Taehyung had just mentally called himself dramatic and Jungkook wanted to squish his cheeks.

~ And we want to hold his pretty hand because it’s chilly out here. - Oh god, not this again. ~ Imagine him pulling us into his gorgeous arms… - Or, like, don’t. ~ …holding us so close… - No, stop right there, please. ~ …that we can hear his heart racing… - God, don’t tell me we fancy him liking us. ~ I wonder what he smells like… - What even. Okay, that’s it. We’re reaching in ten seconds. Stop. Blushing. Right. Now. ~ Well, at least that warmed us up…

Jungkook pressed his cold hands against his cheeks, trying to get them to cool down. Was he ever going to get used to Taehyung’s vivid fantasies? What did he smell like, come to think of it?

When Taehyung finally half-ran, half-stumbled round the corner, cheeks flushed, lips nervously bitten-red, breathless, drowning in a printed white button-down Jungkook was not ready.

“Hi,” Jungkook breathed, leaning off the tree, telling himself to get a grip as he picked up his bag and walked towards where Taehyung had stumbled to a halt, frozen, lips parted, his gazing raking down from Jungkook’s body.

~ OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhm- - Wait, he said something, didn’t he? ~ His waist is so fucking tiny, can we touch? - What the heck, no way, get a grip, Taehyung. + Imagine- - No, you goddamned potato, don’t you dare turn up and ‘Imagine’ us now. He said something, and we’re being RUDE! ~ Oh no, he’s going to hate us now, isn’t he? - Ye- No, just- Say something!

“T-thank you.”

- W H A T . ~ We said something. - Yes, but that’s not- forget it.

“Thanks for coming along,” Taehyung mumbled, blushing hard, gaze now fixed on Jungkook’s shoes.

Just being around a flustered Taehyung did things to Jungkook and his confidence. He walked slowly up to Taehyung, gently brushing a finger under his chin, urging him to look up and into Jungkook’s eyes.

“Thanks for letting me tag along,” Jungkook smiled, “I’ll try not to be too much of a bother.” God, why did his voice have to turn all weird and breathy around Taehyung? Also, how the heck was he supposed to survive those puppy eyes?

~ As if Angel could ever be a bother. (Too close, too close, too close, too cl-) - He could make a wonderful distraction, let’s be honest, but not a bother. (Don’t you dare step back. We’re not rude. We’re not scared.) ~ But it would be totally worth it. (Why is he so damn pretty? Unfair.) - True. (Stop whining.)

“So, where are we going?” Jungkook figured he might as well try the whole ‘normal conversation’ thing.

Taehyung brightened.

- We know this part. We can talk about this. ~ His eyes are so pretty…

“We take a bus-” Taehyung’s words were cut off when a bus rumbled round the corner and came to a halt before them.

- Timing… ~ Woohoo! First not-a-date with Angelkook! - … Angelkook?

Jungkook climbed onto the bus, trying so hard not to smile and blush and look like an idiot in general. Taehyung was seriously too adorable. Angelkook, huh… Jungkook decided he might just let himself find Taehyung a nickname too, if only for non-verbal purposes.

The bus was nearly empty, Jungkook noted, grateful, as he took a seat beside Taehyung.

“So. Where is this bus taking us?”

~ He’s so cuuute - Shut up and respond.

“We ride this bus for about twenty minutes,” Taehyung had that bright, child-like smile again, “reaching somewhere around the outskirts. Then we walk a little to one of my favourite places in the city. It’s a pretty place.”

~ “Not as pretty as you, though.” - Tell me we didn’t say that aloud. ~ We didn’t say that aloud. - Good. ~ What if he doesn’t like it? - Well, people usually don’t hate trees…

Jungkook willed himself not to laugh.

“When you say ‘outskirts’,” Jungkook decided he might as well try to get Taehyung more comfortable, “does that mean nature-y stuff?”

~ Does that mean he likes nature-y stuff, or…? - We can’t tell. His tone is too neutral.

“Yeah,” Taehyung shook his hair out of his eyes, and Jungkook swore it should be illegal to look so good while doing something that normal.

- Oh god, he’s staring. ~ Pretty… - He doesn’t like nature-y stuff, does he?

Jungkook forced his gaze down to his hands, heart racing. Why did everything have to be so damn intense around Taehyung?

"T-the weather is pretty clear,” Jungkook tried in vain to get his voice to sound less breathy, “You’ll get some amazing pictures! I’m glad I’m here with you.”

~ His voice… - Oh good. He does like nature-y stuff. Phew. ~ We want to hear that voice forever.

Forever, huh. Jungkook knew that Taehyung didn’t mean forever forever. He just meant for a relatively long period of time.

He watched Taehyung fidget with the zip of his bag, while his excitement, nervousness and a sort of warm, soft feeling drifted through Jungkook’s mind. He imagined Taehyung’s precious thoughts and feelings drifting through his mind many years from now.

God, why did he always have to get so caught up in these words?

Forever, huh. Jungkook sighed, forcing himself to lock that thought away at the far back of his mind. There was no forever.

~ Oh no, he’s too close! - Now we realize that? ~ We were busy. - With what? ~ Panicking. - And what are we doing now? ~ …panicking?

Jungkook tried so hard not to smile.

~ He’s almost smiling, ohmygod- - Don’t stare. ~ His hair looks so soft and messy and fluffy and- - Don’t you dare. ~ We’re touching his hair. - We’re NOT. ~ Oh chill, he didn’t mind last time, remember?

Jungkook felt his cheeks warm under Taehyung’s stare. Why was Taehyung so frustratingly adorable? Was he going to touch Jungkook’s hair again? Why did that feel like a wonderful idea?

- No. ~ Just a little bit? - …No? ~ That’s a yes.

Jungkook discovered that this wasn’t an adequate warning. His heart fluttered when Taehyung turned to face him and gently tucked a few stray strands of hair behind his ear. He could feel his face burning when Taehyung continued to gaze intently at his face.

Within a blink, Taehyung’s gaze changed from nervous and fascinated to something calmer, more focused, calculating, confident, reassured and a strange kind of powerful.

# Charcoal sketch on canvas? To emphasize the jawline? ~ What about his coral red lips? # Then how about water-colour? - Stop staring. # Shut up. ~ Shut up. Yes, water-colour. He looks so soft! - Ohmygod, he’s uncomfortable. Stop staring! # Yeah. Acrylics won’t capture this gentle, dawn lighting on his high cheekbones.

“U-um,” Jungkook could barely breathe.

There was a fourth voice? As if three wasn’t messing with him enough. And god, this thought-voice sounded so in control and Jungkook was so glad he was sitting down because his knees would buckle under a gaze of that intensity from Taehyung.

“T-Taehyung?”

Taehyung blinked, flickering back to normal for a second, “Yes?”

- Not “Yes?” you pathetic tomato. Apologize! ~ For what? - Are you serious right now? For staring, of course. ~ But we just glanced at him for literally a second? - We. Were. Staring.

"I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,” Taehyung mumbled as he continued staring, “It’s just that you’re really p-”

- ABORT ABORT ABORT! ~ Why? - I- Just- Get a grip. ~ We can’t. We’re staring at him. - Then stop. Fucking. Staring. Damn it. # No, wait. Memorization in progress!

Taehyung tore his gaze away and buried his face in his hands, tips of his ears bright red, and looked out the window through the gaps between his fingers.

- We’re almost there. ~ Thank goodness.

“I’m so sorry about…y’know…staring,” Taehyung looked so flustered and Jungkook melted.

“I don’t mind,” Jungkook responded, honestly. Taehyung’s gaze had him struggling to remember how to breathe, but he hadn’t exactly disliked the feeling. He tried to ignore the way his ears were heating up, “Your eyes are beautiful,” Jungkook continued, “Honestly, I wouldn’t mind gazing into them every now and then either.”

Jungkook blinked.

What. Was he flirting again? Was he not capable of commenting about art being beautiful without it sounding like he was halfway in love?

No, wait. He wasn’t flirting perse, Jungkook reasoned after a pause. He was simply stating the truth.

~ OHMYGOD - Yes. ~ He said our eyes are beautiful - He did. ~ And that he wants to drown in them. - Well, technically- ~ Oh no, we’re going to die. - I mean, he just said he “wouldn’t mind”, so… ~ That’s basically code for “would love to” if we’re optimistic enough. - Well, we’re not. ~ We’re going to freak out and jump into a freezing lake, and then Angel might take pity and rescue us. - We’re just going to respond to him now.

“Thanks, Jungkook,” Taehyung breathed with a soft smile, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, “But you shouldn’t encourage my tendency to space out.”

“It’s cute,” Jungkook mumbled quietly when he was sure Taehyung wasn't listening.

~ And after he rescues us, he’d take us home and lend us some clothes OHMYGOD - Shut up. We get down at the next stop, right? ~ OHMYGOD imagine Jungkook lending us one of his super-comfy looking hoodies that make him look so cute we can’t breathe. - We can never breathe around him anyway, so I doubt it makes a difference. ~ We’re so going to die. - No, we’re going to calmly, I repeat, calmly get off the bus and act normal around Angelkook.

“We get down here,” Taehyung picked up his bag, making it a point not to look at Jungkook at all, and Jungkook followed him off the bus, pretending not to notice the pink tips of Taehyung’s ears.

Jungkook followed Taehyung through a thick grove of firs, dodging low branches, sidestepping undergrowth, trying to blur out Taehyung’s panic so he could think.

Great. So now there was a fourth thought-voice?

There was the usual ‘focus, get stuff done’ voice and the adorable, flustered voice. Then there was that confident sexy voice that would be the death of him. And now, there seemed to be some sort of an intense, confident artist voice.

Photography meant that there would probably be at least a background presence of this confident artist thought-voice throughout the day, right? How was he ever going to survive this?

“So, this is it,” Taehyung’s hesitant voice snapped Jungkook out of his thoughts.

Jungkook stepped out of the grove and into a clearing, feeling like he had stepped into a faerytale.

The sky was a blushing mauve, reflecting in a shimmering lake that stretched out into the distance, disappearing into hazy mist. Wild grass lined the edge of the lake, spreading across the broad strip of land between the water and the line of tall firs, punctuated with wild lavender and tiny yellow and white blossoms, all covered in dewdrops.

About thirty feet from where they stood, a large tree like an oak, ancient, branches reaching out everywhere, creating a dome underneath. Strange white flowers, about as large as the palm of a hand, trembled in the wind on every branch.

It was all so frighteningly, overwhelmingly beautiful and Jungkook could only gaze in wide-eyed wonder.

# Now click a picture of him. NOW.

Click!

Jungkook froze.

- What the- It’s NOT okay to take pictures of people without asking them. We’ve discussed this! ~ But he looked so… # The framing was perfect. Should we have asked him at the cost of losing the moment forever? - Well, no, but- # Chill. We’ll delete it if he wants us to. ~ He looks so perfect here. - We should tell him… ~ You’re right, he looks perfect always, but Angel looks like he belongs here… # Surreal perfection. We might use dry acrylics for highlights on this one… - First of all, we’re telling him.

“Jungkook?”

Jungkook turned to Taehyung, the way his wind-tousled grey hair looked silvery in the soft light. His breath caught at the way Taehyung stood, relaxed, reassured, camera resting in his hands like it belonged there, chin raised, eyes bright, if slightly nervous.

So this was what came with the artist thought-voice. Jungkook drew in a shuddering breath, willing his own voice to stay steady.

- He’s looking here. Now tell him! # But that flower over there- - That flower is going to be there a minute later. # The lighting is going to change. - But-

Click!

- For heaven’s sake- ~ Talk now, we can’t survive this stare. - That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for, like, forever. ~ Talk-

“Hey, u-um-”

Jungkook couldn’t help but smile. Stammering Taehyung was too precious.

~ He’s smiling, and we have forgotten everything. - Are you fucking serious? # Hurry up! There’s a pretty shadow we need to click.

“Can I see?” Jungkook decided he might as well make it easier for Taehyung, “That picture you clicked of me, can I see it?”

“Sure, let me j- Wait, no, freeze. Don’t move your head. Or your hands.”

Jungkook froze, forcing himself not to react to the exasperation, the fangirling, the focused passion that filtered into his mind from Taehyung’s.

Click!

Taehyung jogged over to him, opening out the display to show Jungkook the photographs. Jungkook managed to not choke on his own breath.

It was a picture of Jungkook, well, spacing out, but with the tree and the mist and the wind, Taehyung managed to make him look ethereal. Angelic. Jungkook blinked. Was this what Taehyung saw when he looked at Jungkook? Because this photograph over here was art, and what Jungkook saw in every annoying mirror was very… different.

“I’m really sorry,” Taehyung shuffled his feet, “about not asking you before clicking this. And the other one too.”

“Taehyung,” Jungkook could hardly believe he was doing this but, “would you like me to be your personal model for the day?”

Jungkook flinched. He had definitely not meant it to sound so goddamn coy and flirtatious. The way his eyes had flickered down mid-sentence to how Taehyung subconsciously bit his lip had not helped. The way his fingers brushed over Taehyung’s as he handed the camera back had made it worse.

Taehyung didn’t step back. Even as his cheeks flushed a bright red, something in his eyes stayed steady, focused, as if looking beyond Jungkook as a person and at what Jungkook could be as a part of his work of art.

~ Aaaaahhhh! Angelkook is asking us if we want him to be ours! - Will you stop yelling? He asked us if we want him to be our model for the pictures. # Of course we do. He’s perfect. ~ That’s what I always say. Perfect. - I mean, I never particularly disagreed, so… ~ Oh look, he’s blushing! # Click a picture. Background tree in the right one-third, pink clouds in the background.

Click!

- Now talk to him. ~ Beg him desperately to be our model. - No, you dumb spinach. Accept his offer calmly.

“You’d do that?” Taehyung’s whole face lit up with innocent excitement, “You’re offering to let me click pictures of you all day? Really?”

“I mean,” Jungkook felt all warm and fuzzy in his chest, “if you want to.”

Taehyung tilted his head to the side and let his gaze, calm and intense, rake slowly down Jungkook’s body.

# Yep. He’s the perfect model for our usual themes and style. ~ How is he so fucking perfect? It’s annoying. - Distracting. + We want to drop to our knees and suck him off. - We’re NOT getting turned on right now. # We want to build a nude life-size sculpture, then drop to our knees to worship him. + That’s what I said. Imagine- - Don’t.

Jungkook was burning up. So Taehyung wanted, at some level, to suck Jungkook off. Great. Fine. Not something to ponder over right now. Breathe.

He tilted his own head to the same side to catch Taehyung’s eye, trying so hard not to imagine Taehyung on his knees before Jungkook, lips red and parted for him. He closed his eyes for a second, to fucking get a grip, damn it.

“Of course, I’d love that!” Taehyung looked like he was about two seconds from jumping up and down in either joyful excitement or nervous panic, “But, like, are you sure? I’m going to be asking you to freeze mid-sentence or mid-step, or go sit on some random rock and face the blinding sun for many minutes, and basically order you around. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

Jungkook bit his lip. Being ordered around by Taehyung sounded…not exactly terrible. Especially right now, when Taehyung’s voice was lower even though his tone was light and cheery, his eyes were dark, pupils visibly blown even in the low light, and burning into Jungkook’s, expectant.

“That’s fine,” Jungkook breathed, noting the exact moment when Taehyung realized he had been staring at Jungkook for a good while now, huffing out a quiet laugh as the voices in Taehyung’s head panicked over how Jungkook was staring at ‘them’. Taehyung looked beautiful, colour high on his cheeks, his shirt hanging slightly off his slender frame, revealing his pale neck and prominent collar bones, now fidgeting with the strap of his camera. Jungkook simply couldn’t look away, “I might even enjoy it.”

Jungkook mentally slapped himself. Why did that have to sound so damn suggestive? He only meant to say that he might enjoy this whole photoshoot thing with Taehyung. Not that he might enjoy being ordered around by Taehyung. Although to be fair, that didn’t sound terrible either, especially with the way Taehyung was looking at him again.

~ He said he might enjoy us ordering him around. What do we do with this information? + Save it for the bedroom. - Wha- Just shut up. He just meant he might enjoy hanging out today. None of that.

“Taehyung?” Jungkook pointed towards the far end of the lake where a faint red outline of a sphere was peeking through the morning mist, “Over there.”

Taehyung swore under his breath. Jungkook watched, mildly amused, as Taehyung dashed around, clicking pictures of the rising sun from between branches of the tree or lying down to get a good frame with a few blades of wild grass. Jungkook decided he might as well lay down on the grass, resting his head on their bags, and watched him work, letting Taehyung’s focus and passion flow through his own mind.

The horizon burned a mellow red as the sky lightened, and a soft golden light lit up Taehyung’s focused gaze, his beautiful hands, and Jungkook couldn’t help but gaze at him in awe. The way Taehyung moved, fluid, graceful, through the wild grass, the innocent thrill in his eyes, softly smiling as he pulled off his shoes and socks, the little jump and surprised laughter when he stepped into the freezing water, all left Jungkook feeling like he could stay here forever, with the quiet magic of the place and with Taehyung. He felt himself sink into the soft, sun-warmed grass, eye-lids a little heavy.

# Move a little to the side. Now click.

Click!

# Mmm, not what we imagined. Maybe try sitting down… ~ Food? # Later, promise. # Look, the sun is all glaringly shiny now. # We need to check the flowers now. ~ Pretty… # Change camera setting to m- # Ohmygod, hush. Tiptoe. Click.

Click!

- QUIET. # Come on, come on, hurry!

Click!

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the camera shutter directly above his face.

Click!

Jungkook registered Taehyung kneeling over him, knees on either side on Jungkook’s waist. Taehyung had one eye shut, the other at the viewfinder, and the rectangular smile that lit up like sunshine on fresh snow made his heart clench.

Click!

“I wasn’t expecting you to click pictures of me sleeping already,” Jungkook laughed, lifting himself up on his elbows to get a stray twig out of Taehyung’s silvery hair.

Click!

“Look, you’re insanely pretty,” Taehyung mumbled, still on top of Jungkook, still smiling wide, still clicking away. Jungkook could think of one thought-voice who would be so mad at dialogue, “and you have granted me explicit permission to click pictures of you all day long.”

Jungkook burst into laughter, ears burning, heart racing. God, how was he going to survive the day?

~ OHMYGOD we just called him pretty. - You’ve got to be kidding me. ~ But it’s true! Look- # Stop staring. Get back here.

Click!

Jungkook lay back down, still laughing, blushing, and covered his eyes with the back of his hand.

Click!

“And if you think I’m not going to take full advantage of that, you’re…” Taehyung brought his camera down with a soft, satisfied laugh. Jungkook wanted to override his own thought filters, just to ruffle Taehyung’s windblown hair, “Well, you’re still insanely pretty.”

Click!

# Did we get the Moment of Flusterment? - How are we even doing this. # We do just about anything for art, remember? ~ Food.

Taehyung got off Jungkook to check his recent photos and Jungkook reluctantly got to his feet, dusting himself off.

# Yep. We got it! + Damn, we’d love to tap that ass too. - For heaven’s sake, he’s literally just dusting his pants off. ~ Can we eat now?

Jungkook’s entire face was tingling. Why did the prettiest person on earth have to call him pretty out loud twice before breakfast? Would he even survive until noon?

“So,” Jungkook asked as Taehyung picked up his bag, “Where next?”

“Breakfast?” Taehyung responded, heading towards the gap in the line of trees from where they had come in, “if you’re hungry.”

~ Please be hungry. # If he isn’t, we still have to go there click pictures with Bamboo. - It’s been a long while since we’ve been there… ~ OHMYGOD ANGELKOOK WITH PUPPY OH NO. - …fuck, that’s attractive. ~ WE’RE GOING TO DIE. - Fun.

“Starving,” Jungkook sighed.

He tried to convince himself that his heart hadn’t skipped a beat at Taehyung’s bright, relieved laughter.

- - -

REQUESTS OPEN! for Taekook drabbles - Picture Prompts

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chubbyooo · 5 years

Text

Old Wounds Part 1 - A Blurred Lines Spinoff

something a little different today we’re moving away from the main cast of Blurred Lines to tell a story about my Jedi Knight Dzûsa, if you caught it he was mentioned in a recent chapter so for those curious I’m writing a side story for him. It’s not at all necessary to read to understand the story but it’s some extra lore, the story will have two parts released between chapters in BL.

Dzûsa gets a lead and decides to get some backup in his hunt for the sith emperor

Dzûsa’s finger rested just above his holocommuncator, calling her was kinda awkward but he had to admit if he wanted anyone’s help Lana’s would be the best for this mission. It was still so awkward after their kiss on Yavin IV, they should’ve talked since it but then he got so caught up with the search for Vitiate and had completely forgot to talk to her. The kiss still surprised him he thought he was too jedi and too old to have a chance with her, not that he looked old he kept his body tight like a temple but still being over 40 he was officially on the older end of the spectrum at least for jedi and sith. At least he was compared to all the others Theron and Lana had called in and somehow they were more capable to take down Revan than him seriously? he was mega capabale he’d killed vitiate, sort of. Dzûsa took a second to calm down he was off topic point is he definitely liked her but he may have blown it, he took a deep breath it didn’t matter this was more important than him finding love he had a possible lead on Vitiate he had to follow it up. Dzûsa was about 60% sure it was a trap but even so he’d take anything he could to find the sith emperor, Dzûsa felt anger well up inside him he couldn’t let that happen he had to do this, he took a long deep breath like Kavaraa had taught him. He thought that part of his life was over he’d finally repented for his past through Vitiates demise but he’d failed, Vitiate was still out there which meant there was still work to do.

The time for hesitating was over he pressed the call button and within a few seconds the form of Lana appeared on the holo, she seemed intrigued eyebrows raised.

“well Dzûsa what’s this about?” straight to the point no hello seemed about right for her

Dzûsa chuckled “well hello to you too Lana, I may have a lead” Lana’s eye’s widened

“on the sith emperor?” Dzûsa nodded Lana raised her eyebrow “how concrete” that was a reasonable question, all he could say really is it was more concrete than Marr going around wild space based off what he ‘sensed’.

Dzûsa rubbed his chin “not very concrete but it’s more than just I sensed him, I got an anonymous communication to meet on Sullust and that they have information on a possible location that could lead to the location of the emperor” Lana nodded seemingly unconvinced

She frowned “you’re aware of how much this sounds like a trap” she folder her arms at him

Dzûsa smiled “oh very much so it’s why I called you Blondie” Dzûsa could see Lana visibly wince at the nickname he knew she hated it most people hated the nicknames he gave them “point is I sense the part about the information isn’t a lie”

Lana sighed “so you want my help with this?” Dzûsa nodded “why not just get your crew to help” Dzûsa gritted his teeth

he chuckled “they’re not exactly what you’d call subtle Lana and uh neither am I” a smile crept onto Lana’s face

she nodded “I suppose that’s true you’re not exactly Darth Nox” Dzûsa frowned Nox wasn’t all that he’d had to save her on Yavin IV once she’d totally been caught.

Dzûsa grinned “yes but I know what i get when I save her” Lana glowered at him, he knew the saving Nox part had nothing to do with the kiss but it was still funny

Lana ignored the comment “right well I suggest we take a slightly more covert ship than yours” Dzûsa nodded the galactic hero look certainly wasn’t subtle not that he minded such a look

Dzûsa messed with the console “alright well meet me at these coordinates” Dzûsa turned off the holocommunicator, maybe he should’ve mentioned what the kiss meant but he could do that in person.

Dzûsa got up he had to tell everyone he’d be away for a bit, he made his way to the cockpit where Kira was lounging “hey Carz I’m gonna be going on a mission with Lana so you’re in charge of the ship make sure they don’t burn the place down” Kira spun around with a curious look on her face

she leant forward “ooo a ‘covert mission’ how romantic Dzûsa” Dzûsa chuckled he swore Kira was more interested in him and Lana getting together than he was

Dzûsa smiled “well maybe something after the mission but it’s important so unfortunately it will have to wait” Kira frowned clearly disappointed.

Dzûsa heard a chuckle from behind him “huhuhu do my ears deceive me or has our old soldier finally found love” Doc sauntered up to the cockpit

wow all his friends cared more about his love life than Vitiate good to know “again Caterpillar this is a mission but I’m not responsible for what happens afterwards” Doc wiggled his eyebrows at Dzûsa

Doc smiled “don’t worry we can give you plenty of alone time” Kira nodded raising her eyebrow

Dzûsa sighed “you two are insufferable, just look after the ship ok” they nodded confidently.

Later...

Dzûsa made his way into Lana’s ship it was certainly covert they may as well be in just a transport vessel, still it would do. He walked to the cockpit where he could see Lana already plotting the coordinates for Sullust “so was I the only one you could get?” Lana smiled at him

Dzûsa raised an eyebrow “well the Basen’thor was busy with some quest for knowledge as was Nox, Gacen probably wouldn’t be that helpful, Ash from my experience tries to avoid the force and Theron’s ran off somewhere again so yep I guess I had to go with you” Lana chuckled as he sat down “I’m joking of course you were first on my list”

Lana smiled “well I’m certainly capable, give me the coordinates for this meeting spot” Dzûsa passed over the coordinates

They were silent for a few minutes while Lana put the ship into hyperspace, Dzûsa fidgeted awkwardly “so um are we gonna talk about it?” Lana turned to him and frowned

Lana folded her arms “talk about what?” was it not that big of a deal for her? it felt like a big deal to him

Dzûsa tried his best to act natural “you know the uh kiss on Yavin IV” Lana nodded not saying a word “uh did you uh well mind it?” was he making a much bigger deal out of this had sith culture changed since he’d left? is kissing just something people did?

Lana smiled “It was nice” she paused “better than I expected” well that was something he guessed

Dzûsa wasn’t sure how to go about this “well would you mind uh more than just a kiss” Lana frowned grinning at him

“if that’s your extremely weird way of asking me on a date then sure” Dzûsa let out a sigh of relief “why were you so nervous I’ve know you’ve had a crush on me since we met”

Dzûsa squirmed “well uh after I didn’t mention it for a while it just kept becoming more awkward I just got kinda caught up with the whole search for the emperor thing and I felt bad” Lana smiled at him shaking her head

“you do know that’s a good reason Red you don’t have to be at my beckon call, I actually kinda prefer it this way” Dzûsa relaxed a bit he must’ve gotten inside his own head there

Dzûsa stroked his chin “uh yeah I guess my prior romantic experience has left me a bit stunted on how to be well normal” Lana nodded, Dzûsa knew arranged marriages can often be like that

“yes your marriage didn’t seem the most normal or ya know your choice” Dzûsa was startled how did she know that he didn’t tell her or anyone

Dzûsa frowned “how did you know about her?” Lana rolled her eyes looking unsurprised

She smiled “I like to know the details of the people I’ve kissed” Dzûsa fidgeted in his seat he tried to keep his family a secret he’d moved on from it, but to be fair anyone with a brain could put it together he’d just rather move on

he wasn’t proud of what he used to be “so you know about my past? what I was?” Lana moved over to him

she frowned “yes a guy pushed into the sith life by his family who still somehow managed to keep his humanity” Dzûsa frowned at her he didn’t remember it like that “Dzûsa I’ve studied your history in the Great Galactic war and as far as I can tell if you were never cruel you treated it like an honourable war, the only times I saw you do bad things is when you were manipulated into it” Dzûsa grimaced that didn’t absolve him he still did those things

Dzûsa sighed “Lana that doesn’t absolve what I did I scourged countless worlds we all did even if I didn’t know the details of what I was doing I should have realised I was stupid and reckless” Lana frowned folding her arms

Dzûsa hung his head “you were young and manipulated all sith go through that but you and me we’re those who rose above it” she lifted his head up “we’re the people who can break the cycle I’m a sith and I’m not evil and you renounced it all to help the galaxy family be damned that’s far more noble than most of the jedi you know” Dzûsa couldn’t agree she hadn’t seen it the things he’d done he spent his whole life repenting for the sins he committed but that didn’t mean he’d be forgiven

Dzûsa sighed “I’m not the hero people say Lana I’m just a guy trying to make up for the things he did, I’ll help as much as I can but I’m not to be forgiven” he looked at Lana for a long second before she leant in and kissed him

Dzûsa let her but broke away quickly, Lana held his head “guess what Red I forgive you, you’re far too hard on yourself and I bet everyone else does too” Dzûsa thought back to the day he left the sith, the day he met Orgus Din he’d promised to repent and Orgus had told him something similar he didn’t believe him then either. Maybe after Vitiate was gone he may be able to rest but he doubted it.

Dzûsa smiled “thanks Lana I don’t agree but thanks” Dzûsa did his best to put the thoughts to the back of his mind the past was the past he shouldn’t look back.

Lana nodded moving back to her seat “the sith are not all bad Dzûsa you and I are living proof” Dzûsa nodded he agreed with that, he left the sith because his path would leave him to evil but Lana was different he could sense it she was in it for more than just herself.

Dzûsa chuckled “I know one which could use a good beating though” Lana smiled nodding he couldn't wait to get rid of Vitiate, he knew he could do it again and maybe then he could rest.

Later...

The ship touched down outside an abandoned ship yard the lava around it slowly encroaching on the factory.

Dzûsa looked at it discouraged “well the chances of this being a trap are drastically increasing” Lana nodded agreeing almost immediately.

Lana got up gesturing for him to follow “well let’s go spring the trap then we’re more than capable” Dzûsa followed her doing his best to be sneaky. They made their way up to the entrance of the factory with Dzûsa’s imposing form only bumping into about three things “ok seriously Red just take it slow ok” Dzûsa nodded doing his best to keep quiet, he’d been told on many occasions he was loud so thought it best to just be silent.

They crept into the factory through corridors full of broken down droids until they reached a large assembly line room.

Dzûsa frowned “well this is where I was told to meet the contact so either they’re hiding or we’ve been duped” hopefully that would draw them out

sure enough a voice echoed from the darkness “I had to see if it was true for myself” the voice was slightly garbled but Dzûsa swore he recognised it “if the sith were working with the traitor of the Zatân family” Dzûsa’s eyes widened no no not again not here. A form dropped from the ceiling in front of them cloaked with a mask on his signature look, Lana stepped back immediately drawing her saber.

He clicked his neck walking towards then “who are you” Lana growled at him

Dûshto chuckled removing his mask to reveal the red skinned pureblood “oh brother have you not mentioned me to your new flame” his bloodshot eyes bearing into Dzûsa’s soul

Dzûsa stayed silent in shock why couldn’t Dûshto just leave him be, Lana gasped “I thought your family were killed after your betrayal” Dzûsa assumed she’d read about that but it wasn’t well documented

Dûshto cackled “well I’m afraid my dear not all history is accurate” a long red pikesaber ignited “and my dear brother has yet to atone for his sins” with that Dûshto lunged at Dzûsa

https://open.spotify.com/track/7uU3Jb0ELZN8ilYwwMdEjd?si=-V0l9lsESUWv0yLU5zdCeA

Dzûsa quickly ignited his blue saber deflecting the lunge he jumped back as Dûshto spun around but before he could go for a second attack Lana slashed at him, he parried the attack snarling at Lana.

Dzûsa could feel Dûshto’s potent anger as his mind raced with what to do “you stay out of this Blondie this is a family matter” with that he threw her across the room ok that’s it Dzûsa felt himself snap. He threw his saber forward as Dûshto turned to him with a smile, Dzûsa charged towards him at such speeds the saber hit Dûshto’s pike seconds before Dzûsa crashed into him with an earth shattering headbutt, Dûshto flew backwards against one for the conveyer belts slumping down against it with a scornful look, Dzûsa picked up his saber lunging forward towards him he never wanted to fight Dûshto but he blamed Dzûsa for everything hopefully he could just incapacitate him again. As he reached the conveyer belt Dûshto rolled out the way causing Dzûsa to stumble on the edge of the conveyer, Dûshto took the opportunity to slam Dzûsa’s head against the conveyer turning it on causing a searing pain to Dzûsa’s left side. This continued until he felt Dûshto‘s hand suddenly slip away he looked up to see Lana had tackled him and was now proceeding to punch him in the face while he laughed. Dûshto took the blows but then suddenly grabbed her by the neck lifting her up off the ground Lana tried to grab her saber but couldn’t reach it. Damn it Dzûsa had never been good with the force, he charged forward tackling Dûshto before he could go any futher he saw Lana tumble out of Dûshto’s hand as they flew to the floor. He paused there for a second saber held over his brother

Dûshto smiled “go ahead Dzûsa do it or are you gonna let me live you know I’ll just come back I always do” Dzûsa held his saber up as Dûshto continued to smile, then deignited the saber hitting him with the butt with a resonant crack.

Dûshto fell unconscious while Dzûsa was breathing heavily “I’m so sorry for what happened to our family and for what it turned you into but I will never sink to your level brother” Dzûsa got up off Dûshto turning to see Lana getting up

Lana put her hands on her hips “so at what point were you going to tell me your brother was now psychotic and hell bent on your death” Dzûsa let out a half smile

“maybe on our date?” Lana chuckled walking over to him she looked down at Dûshto “so you just leave him alive every time?” Dzûsa sighed

he looked down at Dûshto “not every time the first few I tried to get through to him in prison but he’d need someone other than me to save him, he just has too much hate for me” they had never really got on but they were still brothers, Dzûsa hoped one day he’d realise that the vendetta wasn’t worth it especially now with the sith and empire working together, evidently not.

Dzûsa still sensed he had information of the sith emperor, he checked Dûshto’s pockets to find a holocommunicator he sensed it could be important. He turned to Lana as he did she answered a call it seemed to be from Darth Marr “yes sir, right away, I’ll be there” Dzûsa’s heart sank no he had a lead “I’m sorry Dzûsa I’m gonna have to take a rain check on that date Marr wants me for some mission on Ziost” Dzûsa nodded “I have to be there right away you don’t mind if you make your own way back right?”

Dzûsa smiled “oh don’t worry about me Blondie I’ll find a way of this rock easy enough get to Ziost Marr needs you” Lana nodded looking away for a second before giving him a quick peck on the cheek

Lana smiled as she walked away “don’t tell anyone alright I’ll keep your brother a secret if you don’t rave about ‘this’” Dzûsa watched her go with a smile oh well still more of a sure thing than before

Dzûsa turned to Dûshto’s communicator he turned it on to see a face he hadn’t seen in over 30 years, the face of his sister Xusae appear on the screen he hadn’t seen her since she was 5 she was all grown up now she had long black hair and wore an unassuming robe.

Dzûsa did his best to hold himself together as she spoke “Dûshto I may have found a lead on a powerful force nexus the sith emperor had something to do with” Xusae paused looking behind her “a planet called Nathema in the outer rim please come here as soon as you can don’t use this as leverage for you know who” Dzûsa stepped back shocked Nathema he had to go right now for his sisters sake.

In little time Dzûsa found Dûshto’s ship sitting idle outside the factory, he was sure Dûshto would still find a way off the planet but for now he was out of the picture. Dzûsa piloted the ship into space ok so Nathema would lead him to the sith emperor and maybe his sister, the raincheck for the date with Lana may be a bit longer than expected he hoped she wouldn’t mind...

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expressandadmirable · 4 years

Text

Tomorrow Untrodden (Morgan)

“Hey.”

Morgan offered a wan half-smile. “Hey.”

Pulling the Lefein into a soft hug, Aviva was struck by the memory of hugging Morgan the Gnome. Back then she had been half the Tiefling’s size rather than half a head taller. “Is he gone?”

“Yeah.” The pair released one another and settled onto a bench in the hallway, the soft, misty light from the windows at either end making the world seem preternaturally quiet. “He was happy to see us. He told us a couple times.”

Aviva considered making a joke about how impossible it had always been to unravel Lukahn’s ramblings, even for someone as adept at prophecy as Elerian or Cid, but she thought better of it. Morgan had always had a gift for deciphering her spiritual kin. “You came to see him often, huh?”

Morgan nodded. “Uncle Cid and I made regular trips. We built a lot of card houses, and we told him how the world was changing. I came up with a lot of ways to play games differently, like extra rules and variations and stuff, and he really liked that.” She smiled. “Maergrahn trained me well, I guess.”

“Was he able to leave you with any parting thoughts?”

“A few. Mostly he told us he was happy. And he asked me to build an extra large card house in his honour.”

“Sounds like an appropriate cairn.”

Morgan snorted, then let it fade into a sigh. “Uncle and I are the last of the Lefein now.”

Aviva nodded slightly. “How are you feeling?” The eternal question.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay.” For a brief time, Aviva had known what it felt like to be the last of her kind. But they had been able to restore the Tieflings. The Lefein did not share that destiny. She took Morgan’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You want to come back to Aelfheim for a bit? Spare room’s yours whenever you want it.”

“Uncle and I need to take care of a few things first. We’re going to scatter Lukahn’s remains in places of significance to the Lefein. It shouldn’t take too long, with the Highwind. But then yes. I’d like that.” Morgan smiled a little more broadly. “I think Starman is pining for Demon.”

Aviva chuckled. “I know Demon’s pining for Starman, she regularly tears up the toy you gave her that looks like him and then cries at me until I mend it. Please let our cats reunite before she drives us mad.”

Morgan giggled. “Okay. I’ll come by once I’ve dropped Uncle back at his lab. Maybe a week or so.” For a few moments, she lapsed into silence, then laced her fingers with Aviva’s. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.” Aviva kissed the Lefein’s cheek. “You’re family.”

II.

Leaving Halei in their sitting room, Aviva grinned in anticipation, the air turning translucent gold as she cast her spell. A moment later, the bridge of the Highwind shimmered into view. “Cidney!” she called. “I’m here early, and I brought treats from Aelf--”

“‘Viva, get down!!”

Instinctively, Aviva ducked, just in time to see a bolt of energy streak through where her head had been. Turning in a crouch, she realised the ship was listing precipitously to one side, the internal gravity only thing keeping her from tumbling into the window. “Cid?!”

Another bolt of energy struck the floor near her knee. A mote of flame instinctively forming in her palm, she spun to face her attacker and nearly collided with Morgan coming for her at a sprint. “Cid, what in all the hells?!”

“Behind my chair!”

The pair dove beyond the captain’s chair just as the hulking metal humanoid at the other end of the bridge fired again. Calculating the distance of its prey, the living tech lumbered towards them. “Making friends?!”

Morgan flashed her a lighting quick withering look, then raised both guns and fired, hitting the tech square in the chest. “Lefeinish creation. Prototype servitor. In near perfect working condition, and I’d like to try and keep it that way--” She ducked to avoid a retaliatory blast. “So don’t hit it in the head!”

With a curt nod, Aviva let loose handful after handful of searing flame, dutifully aiming for the torso. Morgan reloaded her guns with practiced efficiency and separated the tech’s joints from its body, causing it to topple forward onto the deck. In perfect unison, each woman took one final shot, and with a frustrated whir, the tech stilled.

Silence crept across the bridge. Morgan stood cautiously, stepping out from behind her chair and nudging the tech with her boot. It did not move. Confidence instantly restored, she crouched by its head. “Well, that didn’t go how I expected.”

“And how, exactly, did you expect that to go?” Aviva straightened, then leaned against the chair.

“How was I supposed to know it had defence protocols?” Morgan replied testily, rapping on the tech’s head. “Just means I have to run more diagnostics before I turn him on again.” Sensing Aviva opening her mouth to retort, Morgan waved a hand. “It’ll be fine.” Every inch the mad scientist. She pushed to her feet, straightened her hair, then turned to Aviva with a wide, delighted smile.

“You said you had treats?”

III.

“It’s time.”

Halei set up from her place on the sofa, instantly alert. “Are you sure?”

Aviva glared at her wife, then doubled over as a contraction shot through her, leaning against the dining table for support. “Yes,” she forced through gritted teeth, “it is most definitely time.”

“Right.” Appearing at Aviva’s side, Halei helped her into the bedroom and over to the bed. “Mei and your mother are in the garden; I’ll fetch them first, then Elerian. You breathe. What else do you need?”

“Infinite willpower. And water.” Aviva winced in pain as Halei turned on her heel, then an irritated chirp drew her attention to the corner of the room. From a nest of old fabric, the amber eyes of Demon of the Abyssal Reach stared back at her. “You too?”

“Hmm?” Halei returned from the kitchen, pressing a mug of water into Aviva’s hands. “Me?”

“No, Demon.” Aviva nodded to the ball of black fur. “I think she and I are on the same timeline.”

Halei’s eyes widened. “Seriously? That’s far too many babies for one set of quarters.”

“I’ll say.” Aviva sipped her water. “Well, I promised I’d tell Cidney when either Demon’s clock went off, or mine, so…” Flicking her fingers in the familiar gestures of Sending, she announced into the air in front of her: “I’m going into labour -- and so, I think, is my cat??” She took another drink of water as she listened to the response, then promptly spat it out in a burst of manic laughter.

“What?” Halei pressed. “What did she say?”

Aviva looked up at her, her breathing laboured and her eyes watering, though whether due to joy or contractions was unclear. “‘What did Elerian do to your cat?’”

IV.

“This might be the best augment you’ve made.”

Morgan grinned, sliding into the steaming bathwater and letting out a happy sigh. “There we go. Worth it. I wasn’t using this space as a cabin anyway.”

“No?” Aviva laughed. “I guess your garden variety servitors don’t use beds.”

“These aren’t garden variety servitors,” Morgan replied haughtily. “They’re salvaged Lefeinish tech, updated with my own personal designs. They don’t make them like this in Scanderimus, no matter how good they are down there.”

Aviva humphed in acknowledgement. Morgan had spent years collecting and restoring these specimens and they ran the Highwind like clockwork -- in some cases literally, given her clock-making background. It did, however, mean that the majority of Morgan’s interactions with living people came in the form of shopping for supplies or visiting Aviva and her family. “Have you made one from scratch yet?”

“Not yet.” Morgan slouched further into the water, creating tiny ripples that lapped against Aviva’s chest. “I think I’m gonna try soon, though. I have enough small pieces to build most of the chassis, and I think I could synthesise the rest. I can do all the internal programming. After that it’s just a matter of designing the right exterior. If I’m gonna make it entirely by myself, I want it to be really special.”

“Like you?”

That caught Morgan off-guard. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think I would make it look like me, but less metallic would be interesting.” She paused. “It won’t be like me. I mean, it won’t have a spark. I was an anomaly.”

Aviva watched her, head tilted in thought. “Anomalies can happen more than once.”

Morgan slid up to her nose in the water, her white hair piled atop her head like a captive cloud, and she thought for a few long moments before coming up for air. “They can. I guess it could happen.”

“Would you like that? Is that something you would want?”

“Hadn’t thought about it.” Spying Aviva’s raised eyebrow, Morgan glowered. “Okay, I’ve thought about it. I’ve wondered if there were ways for me to do it on purpose, but I don’t think there are. It’s just random. So I haven’t gotten my hopes up.” She met the Tiefling’s gaze. “But I think I would like that, if it happened.”

Aviva smiled. “I could see that being… really nice.” She grinned. “Parenting without the childbirth.”

“What, no!” Morgan squealed, water splashing as she sat up. “I wouldn’t be its parent! Maybe its teacher, or its caretaker. But I wouldn’t be giving it life, I’d just be building a vessel.”

“Mmm. Maybe.” Aviva leaned back, resting her head on the lip of the bath. “I may be relatively new at it, but that sounds an awful lot like parenting to me.”

“Maybe.” Morgan watched the ripples on the surface of the bath. “Maybe.”

“Cid,” Aviva slurred, rolling her head to look lopsidedly at the Lefein at her side. “Ciiiiiiidney.”

“Mmmwhat,” Morgan responded, blinking the Tiefling into focus.

Aviva grinned brightly, if sloppily. “I’m real glad you’re here.”

Morgan reached for her bottle of wine, nearly knocking it over in the process. “I’m glad I’m here too. You know I’ll always come visit.”

“I know, but I mean, like… here.” Aviva gestured broadly with her own wine bottle. “In the world. In my life. I’m real glad you’re here.”

Spreading her arms wide, Morgan pulled Aviva into a hug, nearly tipping them both over in the process. “Me too.”

(Art by @stufflaalikes)

#Dungeons and Dragons #Original Characters #Canon #Aviva Lux #Epilogue #Title: The Flashbulb #Aasimar

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smile-smile-ichthys · 6 years

Text

It’s Been A While - Chapter 8

So, yeah, hello, been a while, the irony haha, yeah past few days ive been looking at this old fic and finally made a breakneck through. I’ve done a full step outline for it so hopefully I can write this to it’s final chapter of 14! Enjoy!

Find the other chapters in my master post found here http://smile-smile-ichthys.tumblr.com/post/156355452751/masterpost

Honestly I’ve not posted fic for so long I don’t know who to tag so....yeah enjoy if anyone’s reads haha!

I was so not looking forward to today. I knew for a fact that that mob boss would be at work waiting for me for my answer. An answer I didn’t want to give. I had sat up all night trying to think up of a way to get out of it before I had to say yes, but nothing. My brain just fried and I fell asleep. Stupid, fucking brain, just when I needed it to seriously work. So not helpful. To be honest, I think deep down I knew I would just have to say yes and find a way around it later. For one thing, if I said no now, sure I could disarm him and defend myself, but he wouldn’t be alone. I couldn’t defend myself against three big mafia guys. I was good but not that good. Plus, it wasn’t worth it. I had to be sneaky with this. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I turned up and couldn’t see the guy from a couple of nights ago. I could work in peace today…until tonight. Mafia work at night mainly. Under cover of darkness, of course. No doubt they’d be waiting for me at the end of the day. Ready to pounce. Yeah, it gave me more time to think, but still no bright ideas. It was going to have to be a yes. Either way, I worked incredibly hard throughout the day. Contacting new clients for sponsorships and so on. My boss was incredibly happy with my progress. So was I to be fair. I guess the whole ‘mafia boss waiting for me’ was a huge shove up the arse to work hard. Who knew?

“Alice, did you manage to erm…you know?” my colleague asked me. “Don’t worry, I sorted it, you’re fine, I promise” I smiled at her. It wasn’t her fault. Over eager people can make mistakes. This one just happened to be deadly is all. “I honestly can’t thank you enough for what you did, could I take you out for food or something as a thank you?” “It’s fine, you promised to be more careful in the future and that’s all I care about” “Thanks! He sounded so scary on the phone and looked so nice on paper, I mean 46 years old, he said his name was Ju and…” “He told me his name was Dai…hmm” I thought that was probably a fake name he gave to my colleague, hence how he worked out so quickly I wasn’t her. Well, no wonder he seemed so nice on the outside to her. “Maybe a work name? Anyway, thanks, I appreciate it” “No problem darlin’” I smiled and got back to work. It felt good to see her back smiling again, bouncy as ever. Other than my growing anxiety, the day went just fine. I decided to wait until everyone else had gone home before I would head out myself. No need to draw attention or put anyone else in danger. Sure enough, when I left I saw them waiting for me. I swallowed my fear and approached them. One last go. “Well?” Dai asked? Damn I had forgotten just how big this guy was. And how tattooed. If it was any other guy I would appreciate them. “My answer is no, I said there was a mistake” I explained. “Your colleague’s mistake, your company’s mistake, not mine” “Wouldn’t exactly say you being in the mafia is our mistake…” “Don’t get cocky with me” he threatened, pulling a gun out discreetly. Shit. Fine. It was worth one last attempt. “Well?” “Alright, fine, yes we’ll take you on as clients” I sighed and he put the gun away “my boss will be in contact with you soon about further details” “I look forward to his call” Dai smiled sinisterly and left via a back alley. Finally alone, I had to lean against the nearest wall for support. My legs had turned to jelly after all of that. Taking a few deep breaths the world slowly stopped spinning, as well as the feeling coming back into my legs, and I decided to go get food out tonight. It delayed me going back like this to Eisuke and Soryu, who were bound to ask questions. I needed something filling. Ramen. Hmm ramen yes, and I saw noodle bar not far from here. I hobbled my way over and hauled myself onto a chair at the bar. Ordering the biggest bowl I could possibly have, I happily sipped at my drink. “Not gone back to the hotel yet?” the man next to me asked. “Huh? What the fuck?!” I jumped out of my skin. How the fuck did this guy know me? “Chill, I’m Mamo, friends with Eisuke, you met me only briefly” I racked my brains and vaguely remembered this guy in the background of when I arrived. “Oh right, I’m sorry, been a long day” I said, immediately calming down. “No shit, what’s gotten you so riled up?” he asked. “Just…stuff” “Gotcha” Both of our bowls of noodles arrived at the same time, and we had ended up with the same thing. I chuckled to myself. “So, how do you know Eisuke?” I asked. “Could say through work, I’m a detective” he explained, quickly slurping. “So you work with security?” I asked. “You could say that” he nodded “you know him from school, was it in England?” “Yeah, he and Soryu spent several years at my school, got pretty close” “Sure, sure” We happily ate our food in silence after that and Mamo ended up paying both bills. “Erm…didn’t have to” I said. “Wanted to, come on, I’ll walk you back” he said. Well, he was being kind. I smiled and hopped off my chair, following him closely. Having a run in with the mafia definitely had taken its toll on my confidence. It greatly annoyed me that I didn’t feel safe in my own company anymore. As soon as I got this huge issue out the way, I would definitely ask Soryu to teach me more martial arts. When we got back to the hotel, Eisuke was in the lobby, waiting. “Where have you been?” he asked me. “Well, I decided to go out partying…have sex with a homeless guy….oh then I took some drugs…Eisuke I’m not a child for Gods sake” “I like this girl” Mamo laughed. “I went for food and bumped into Mamo, we ended up eating together and he walked me back, is that ok your Highness?” I asked. “I worried alright? Thought you finished work at 7, was going to suggest we went out for food” he said. Was he sulking and getting jealous all over again? Wow, hasn’t changed a bit. “Well, next time maybe” I said. “Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow” he said, skulking off. Mamo burst out laughing and slapped me on the back. “You got guts kid, love it, seeing him all jealous like that….ain’t ever seen it before” he laughed. “He used to get jealous all the time when he was in school” “Really? Oh do tell me kid” he asked. “Let’s go to the bar then, and I’ll tell you everything detective!” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “I….I erm….” The boy was shaking in his boots as he stood before me. This kid clearly wanted to ask me out, which I was going to say no, no time for romance, but he couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t exactly cut him off, but damn it was taking a while. “You can say it, I believe in you” I smiled slightly. “I like you, will you erm…go out with me?” he finally asked. “You’re a good guy but honestly? No, I’m not looking for anything romantic wise right now, but hey, you got out what you wanted to say!” I said happily. “I…I guess, thanks for being nice about it” he said, running off embarrassed. “No problem” I continued on my way to my dorm when Eisuke stopped in front of me. “He asked, didn’t he?” he asked and I nodded “What did you say?” I didn’t answer and kept walking. This was fun. “Alice, come on, what did you say?” “I said yes” I lied. “What? But you don’t even like him so why? Looks like I’ll have to put my plan into action” he pulled out a box of what looked like crickets. “Eisuke, what the fuck?” I asked “I said no you idiot!” “What?” “Why the hell would I say yes? And why do you have live crickets?” I asked. “Erm…I didn’t want you making a mistake, giving into peer pressure or something…so I researched that guy and he has a fear of crickets so…” “So you’d use that against him, dude that’s cruel” I laughed and kept walking. He hurried to keep up. “What he’d deserve if he made you say yes” “And what makes you say he would make me say yes?” “Like I said, peer pressure” I rolled my eyes. “You’re ridiculous when you’re jealous” “I’m not jealous!” He argued. “Maybe not in the romantic sense, but in my company sense, yes you damn are” laughed and he pouted badly. It was from then on I knew how smart and just how sneaky Eisuke could be when he put his mind to it. And had jealousy as a motive. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mamo loved the story and I had promised to tell him more when I could. But reminiscing about the past gave me an idea. This mob guy wasn’t going to back down easily, especially since I had said yes to him. Maybe Eisuke’s idea of finding your enemy’s weakness could help me. If I found out his weakness, I could use it to blackmail him out of the contract. Easy! Well, I had to find one first.

#kbtbb #eisuke ichinomiya #its been a while #soryu #kissed by the baddest bidder #fanfic #chapter 8 #voltage inc #eisuke #not discontinued anymore

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wanderinguterus1 · 3 years

Text

Economy Class

“Deserve is a bullshit term. None of us deserves anything. We get what we get.” -Brit Bennett

I once read an article in which a researcher detailed a human behavioral study conducted on airplanes - particularly, among economy class passengers. On some planes, economy class passengers have to pass through the first class area before getting to their (inferior) seats. The study found that on these planes, negative behaviors increased. For example, arguing with flight attendants and fighting with other passengers - all significantly higher in economy class if first class seats were present. The researcher landed on this theory: seeing first class patrons - with their roomy seats, individual arm rests, and ample leg room - made economy class passengers like they were being treated unfairly. In other words, when people are forced to witness drastic inequality, their mindset shifts in a negative direction.

Teaching in a private school, I am often reminded of that article. A few days ago, after third period, I made my way around the classroom, sanitizing the students’ desks. In the beginning of the year, I delegated this job to students, but over time, I realized doing it myself was easier than overseeing reckless 14-year-olds with sanitizer bottles, fearing they would spray a friend in the face or drop the sanitizer on someone’s computer. The label on the bottle warned: “Attention: Can Cause Blindness.” I decided not to take my chances with teenage boys.

I had an hour until my next class arrived, so I sat down at my computer and began flipping through quizzes and recording grades. The soft tapping of the keyboard drastically contrasted with the sounds of hyper ninth graders who had filled the room a few minutes ago. I was enjoying the silence when a former student came by to visit.

“Hi Ariel!”

“Hi Ms. Long.”

Since I had taught her as an 8th grader, I remembered her as a tiny, overly nervous 13- year-old. Now a senior, Ariel moved with confidence, sitting in the desk to my right and straightening the quizzes I had graded and discarded haphazardly.

“Are these To Kill a Mockingbird quizzes?” she asked, looking over the students’ answers.

“Yes.”

“I hated that book.”

I shook my head and sighed. Pulling my mask down to take a quick sip of coffee, I resisted the urge to rebuke her for her bad taste.

“My sister got into Yale,” she announced.

“That’s awesome,” I responded tentatively. Ariel, an average student, had a genius sister. I wondered how Ariel felt about her sister’s acceptance into the Ivy league, although it couldn’t have been too unexpected. Caitlin had been winning academic awards since she was in middle school and had spent the previous summer shadowing a world-renowned journalist.

“Yeah, and I got a full ride to FSU.”

“Wow! I’m so proud of you! I bet your parents are so happy!”

“Yeah, but since it’s not really fair that they don’t have to pay for my college, and Caitlin’s tuition is like 40 thousand a year, they are going to give me the equivalent of that in cash every year to make it even.”

I stared at her, wondering if I had actually heard her correctly. And wishing someone had taught her to “read the room.” Did she just imply the injustice of a full ride? And admit that her parents would be giving her, an 18-year old, forty thousand dollars in cash? To make things FAIR?

Obliviously, she continued, “I’ll probably be able to buy a house as soon as I graduate college.”

Suddenly, I had a realization: being a teacher in a private school was like sitting in the first row of economy class with the first class section in clear view. Every day. For eternity.

I’m not jealous because I want a bigger house or a nicer car or a boat; I just want a baby. One baby. Forty-something thousand dollars stands in the way of my husband and I adopting or trying IVF, but here sits an 18 year-old who will be gifted that amount of money each year for the next four years of her life. She would be able to buy four babies by the time she's 21.

I think of money in terms of babies now. For example, I heard that a Pokemon card sold on eBay yesterday for 500,000 dollars. Instead of dollars, I imagined that Japanese cartoon character being traded for twelve and a half babies.

Don't get me wrong; I understand that compared to so many, I lead a privileged life. I come from a two-parent, middle class home, and I’ve never known what it’s like to suffer from racial discrimination. If I lived in a less developed country, I would be comparing myself to very different types of people: women who sit outside for hours every day, rain or shine, selling vegetables for next to nothing; taxi drivers who work seven days a week, twelve hours a day, just to be able to feed their families. These people don't spend time writing autobiographical essays about how flawed the system is. Even though I understand these truths, I can't help but feel, at times, that I've been shafted.

Two years ago, I lay naked save for the papery hospital gown, in a cold pre-operation room. Hooked up to an IV, I waited on my doctor to arrive and remove the twelve fibroid tumors he had found during my ultrasound. Luis stood by the bed, holding my hand and telling me about the infamous Star Wars holiday special of 1978 in an effort to distract me.

“It actually had Wookie porn in it. Wookie porn. What were they thinking? Chewbacca’s father just groans for like ten minutes straight. It's known as one of the worst films to ever air on television.”

The surgery, an abdominal myomectomy, consisted of cutting open the abdomen in order to remove the tumors. After a year of trying to have a baby and failing, this was our first expensive problem-solving attempt.

On the other side of the curtain, a nurse greeted her patient. “Good morning! What are we having today?”

The voice of a man replied, “It’s a girl.”

“How exciting, is it your first?”

“No,” his female counterpart answered with a chuckle.

I tried to focus on Luis’s Star Wars story, but I kept thinking about the happy couple, leaving later that day with their brand new baby girl all wrapped up in her soft, pink blanket, smelling like cookies after they’ve been dipped in milk. I would leave with nothing but a cleaner uterus and a fat hospital bill.

Moments later, a surgeon arrived, nodded his head to us and continued to the other side of the curtain. I heard him ask, “Ok, so C-section and tubal ligation today, right?”

I almost laughed out loud. So my body was about to be cut open to make it a welcoming home for a fetus while my roommate’s doctor would be rearranging her organs to do the opposite.

I hear the sounds of a table wheeling around and the clanking of instruments. “Do you have a name picked out?”

“Yes, her name is going to be Seven.”

“That’s unique.”

“Well, she’s number seven. I have had six kids in ten years. So yeah, I'm ready to get the tubes tied.”

I looked at Luis indignantly. Seven children in ten years!? I'd been diligently tracking my temperature in order to perfectly time our “lovemaking,” doing headstands after sex, and eating vegan cheese, and this girl is popping out babies every other year. How can two women’s bodies be so utterly different? Luis widened his eyes as if to say, “Well? Do you really want seven children?”

My husband had a way of reframing any depressing situation. When we visited friends who lived in houses much nicer and more expensive than ours, he said things like, “I didn't really like their shower head,” or “I wouldn’t want to live that far away from the city.” Whereas I was seriously considering asking my hospital roommate if she wanted someone to take Seven off her hands, he was probably just thanking the universe that he wasn’t going home this afternoon to a house full of seven kids. On a plane, he would probably find a way to prefer his tiny, middle seat in the back row near the bathrooms to the luxurious first class experience. “Economy people are more friendly than rich people,” he might say.

Before the surgery, I had asked the doctor multiple times how long I would be in recovery, but he would only respond with, “Everyone is different.”

Well, in my mind that translated to two or three days of bedrest, because I rarely use more than three sick days in a school year. Unfortunately, my superior immune system had nothing to do with post-surgery pain, and for seven days afterwards, I was confined to the couch, unable to stand up straight or move more than a few feet without stopping, and in serious pain when my abs contracted. Any time I sneezed, coughed, or tried to flip myself over, it felt like someone was using a straight razor to open my stomach as if it were an Amazon box.

After an entire week of lying on the couch and taking opioids every five hours, I went back to work, still a bit hunched over and rather pale. And on the eighth day, I had to go back to the doctor for a post-op appointment so the bandage could be removed and the healing process be judged.

The bandage - about six inches wide five inches thick, had been placed right on my underwear line. I had already tried to remove it a little myself, just out of curiosity, but I didn’t get very far because it felt like it had been super-glued to the most sensitive area of my body. No one had warned me to shave completely before surgery.

In the car on the way to the appointment, I worried about the removal process and, not wanting to experience more pain, asked Luis, “The doctor probably has something to put on this to make it come off easily, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” he said, sounding doubtful. This should have been a signal to me. Luis, being a man, knows how men think. He knew, but didn’t want to break it to me, that there was no way a doctor has ever concerned himself with how painful a bandage removal process would be.

Choosing to be naively optimistic, I decided to trust in the kindness of medical professionals; surely they wouldn’t put me through more pain after so recently having had my abdomen cut open. However, once I was lying on the examination table, naked from the waist down, feet up in the stirrups, doubts started to creep in. As the now familiar ultrasound wand moved around inside my body, Dr. Edwards crowed on about how clear and devoid of fibroids my uterus looked.

Ok, surgery was successful, fibroids are gone, good job, thank you, now please get this thing out of me. When the ultrasound finally ended, he asked, “Do you want to remove the bandage or do you want me to?”

I hesitated, because that question implied that there was no procedure involved... that any random Joe off the street could just stroll in with normal people hands and just rip off this thing with no training whatsoever. My wheels were turning... So... you aren’t going to like, put some kind of magic lotion on me first?

Unfortunately, magic lotion only existed in my fantasies. In reality, surgery proved just a portion of the pain I would endure before it was actually over.

I began to remove the bandage, deciding I would rather be my own executioner. I picked the top part until my fingernails could get underneath, and started to tug. The skin rose as I pulled- it had been eight days since its placement and the glue didn't seem to have weakened at all. How was that possible? If humans are smart enough to design SuperBandage, aren’t we also advanced enough to create anti-adhesive?

When I got to the lower half of the bandage, which was on top of hair, things went downhill quickly. Removing it felt like getting a bikini wax - which I’ve only tried once and chickened out halfway through.

Eventually, I conceded. I couldn’t willingly put myself through the torture. “Can I just do it later, at home? In the bathtub?” I pleaded.

The doctor gave me a puzzled look, as if he didn’t understand the question. “I need to see if your scar is healing.”

“I’ll send you a picture. I swear.”

He chuckled, but I wasn’t kidding. I have never hated anyone more than I hated him in that moment. I bet he had never endured a bikini wax. He probably winced when his wife plucked his eyebrows. I made a mental note to give him a horrible Yelp review.

I refused to continue, so Dr. Edwards took over: he pulled and the nurse pushed the skin down as he went across - yes, pushing right below my stitches. I have never felt such excruciating pain in my entire life; it was like being stabbed with a hundred tiny needles on a part of my body that was only meant to be touched with loving hands. At one point, I instinctively grabbed the doctor’s arm, forcing him to stop. Staring at the bandage, which was only halfway removed, I cursed all men, including Luis. Why didn’t anyone tell me to shave? Why didn’t they give me anesthesia for this?

When the torture finally ended, Dr. Edwards looked at me with amusement in his eyes, and asked, “You ok?” as if I had been overly dramatic. I decided that I would never, ever, forgive him. Public Service Announcement for Women: Shave before any abdominal surgeries. And never settle for a male doctor if a female one is available.

I often wondered why I was putting myself though so much pain to bring a new life into the world. Was the desire to have children an evolutionary curse? Growing up, I never questioned whether or not it would happen because that’s what women are meant to do, right? What is a woman if not a mother? At least that’s what all the women I knew growing up led me to believe. Receiving the hospital bill in the mail a few weeks later prompted me to further question this desire. If I hadn’t cared about being a mother, Luis and I could have used the surgery money to take a trip to our dream destination - South Africa - flying first class.

Sometimes, when I’m lying naked from the waist down with my feet in stirrups, I think about my early 30s, when eggs and fertile windows were blissfully far from my mind. Unfettered by thoughts of motherhood, I concerned myself with traveling as much as possible.

Reading Walden had convinced me that staring at a computer screen all day was no way to live. Thoreau had inspired me to work with my hands, to get outside, to “suck the marrow” out of life. So after six years of teaching, I quit my job and departed alone on a plane to New Zealand. Although I had never even set foot on a farm before, I planned to volunteer on various organic farms as a way to connect with the natural world. The research I had conducted for this adventure amounted to about one hour’s worth of googling.

Since I had lived in a country where I didn’t speak nor read the language for three years, I craved traveling without a language barrier. My inferior sense of direction often weakened my resolve for adventure, so I needed a place where, at the very least, I could read the street signs. My first stop was a dairy farm in Opotiki. I pronounced this as if the last two syllables were “tea- key” as in tiki bar. The bus driver couldn’t understand me; he said he had never heard of such a place.

After some discussion and help from the internet, he dropped me off at the bus stop in “Ah-PO-Tah-key,” where a 20-something-year-old French guy named Clement stood smoking a cigarette. He had been sent by the dairy farmer to pick me up and seemed bored by the task.

Getting off of the bus, I must have looked a bit like Elle Woods showing up for her first day at Harvard. I wore skinny jeans, pink Uggs, and a tie-dyed sweatshirt. Clement had on overalls smeared with a brown substance, work boots, and a look that said, “You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.”

“Hi!” I exclaimed, eager to make a companion after a long solo flight and bus ride.

Clement lifted his chin in greeting and pointed to an old, faded black Honda Civic.

I stuffed my backpack into the trunk, and headed for the passenger seat, after an awkward moment with Clement in which I realized that the right side of the car was actually the driver’s side.

Undeterred by Clement’s apathy towards me, I asked, “How has it been, working on the farm?”

“Lot of cow sheet,” he responded, in a thick French accent.

He then reached for the radio and turned the music up to a decibel that prevented me from responding. Maybe my expectations for companionship had been a bit high.

The drive to the farm consisted of Clement driving about 20 miles over the speed limit on tiny, winding dirt roads, and me closing my eyes and holding tightly to the sides of my seat with both hands. At some point, I felt the urge to vomit, but I just laid my head back and practiced yoga breathing. Clement did not seem to notice.

By some miracle, we arrived at the farm without incident, where I met John, an older man who owned a little red house on seven acres. He explained that Clement and I would be sharing the spare room, meant for volunteers, and he showed me where my overalls and work boots rested.

“Be ready to go at four a.m. I’ll have yogurt and granola ready for breakfast,” he said, handing me an empty water canteen. “Tonight, before you go to sleep, you need to fill this with boiling water and put it under your blankets. It's going to get cold in your room.”

Cold didn’t adequately describe the sleeping quarters. Until it was time for bed, Clement, John and I had been lounging in the cozy, carpeted living room near the fireplace. However, around nine pm, when we moved to the back bedrooms, the wood floors felt like ice on my bare feet. I retrieved a sweatshirt, a scarf, a pair of gloves, and two pairs of socks from my suitcase and put them all on. The temperature must have been around forty degrees, because I could actually see my breath in the darkness. Sleeping proved difficult; every hour, I put on another piece of clothing from my suitcase, eventually looking like the pigeon lady in Home Alone. The canteen was only big enough to heat up one body part and remained warm for just half the night. Throughout all of my tossing, turning, and the unzipping and zipping of my backpack, Clement slept peacefully in normal pajamas. At four a.m., when the rooster started crowing, I wanted to weep. I yearned for my warm Tel Aviv apartment, central heating, and my teaching job, which suddenly felt like a white collar position.

I snuggled deeper into my bed, hoping to enjoy the blankets for a few more minutes, until I saw Clement pop out of bed and don his overalls. Refusing to be the weakling that he probably expected me to be, I followed his lead.

“Did you bring a hat?” John asked, when I entered the kitchen.

“No. Why?” I asked, thinking if I had a hat, I probably would have worn it to bed last night.

“Some of the cows have lice and you could catch it.”

I eagerly accepted the hat John proffered.

Clement and I ate our yogurt in silence - not surprising for him, but I was just too cold and tired to care.

John led us to the barn after breakfast, where we would be milking the cows. When I walked through the doors, my hand instinctively covered my nose: the smell - similar to a Port- O-Potty at the end of a crowded, weekend-long music festival - attacked me. John and Clement, unaffected by the stench, chuckled at my reaction.

“Better than the smell of cars in the city,” John said, smiling.

I wasn’t convinced.

Now it was time to learn how to milk a cow. In my imaginings of this moment, I would sit on a cute step stool, a sweet little cow would trot up to me, and I would gently tug on her teats, squirting milk into a tin bucket below. I would repeat this a few times, and a day’s work would be done.

In reality, John owned about 200 cows. The barn housed 50 stalls into which the first herd of cows were guided; each stood so that her butt faced into the shed. John handed me one of many thick, black hoses that hung from the ceiling. At the end of the hose was a steel device with four suction cups; I needed to attach the suction cups to the cow’s teats. The three of us would walk up and down the stalls, eventually connecting the suction cups to all fifty cows, and then John would turn on the machine.

For the first set of cows, this went pretty smoothly; according to John, these were the “old gals” who were used to the process. But when the younger cows were led into the stalls, they seemed less than thrilled. I watched in horror as one of them furiously kicked her hind legs, trying to escape the suction cups. John ran over to her, adeptly tying each of her legs to the stall. What happened next was both horrifying and impressive. I remember learning about how vultures can vomit on demand; it's one of their defenses when threatened. Well, apparently cows have a similar skillset. The moment John finished tying up the second leg, that cow shot projectile diarrhea right onto his chest.

I managed to get through the morning milking - which took two hours total - without trauma. I felt victorious but exhausted; I longed to go inside and take a nap.

“Meet me back out here at noon,” John said, after the barn had been cleaned.

I wondered why we would need to come back to the barn so soon. Clement delighted in informing me that the cows were milked twice a day.

Eventually, Clement, John and I fell into a routine, and for two whole weeks, I milked cows (twice a day) without contracting lice or getting kicked in the face. I even learned some tricks for sleeping in 40 degree temperatures, like taking a scalding hot shower right before bedtime, throwing on clothes as quickly as possible, then running straight to the bed, where I had previously placed the hot water canteen.

When I look back on my New Zealand adventure, I marvel at my resilience. How I just trudged out to the barn in those big rubber work boots at four a.m. and kept talking to Clement even though he only responded in grunts. And even though I’m older now, and slightly less malleable, I’m still managing. Every day I go to school and greet those first class passengers without displaying any “negative behaviors.” (I still welcome Ariel when she comes to visit me.) And I’m going to keep tracking my ovulation and putting away money for adoption, at least for another two or three years. And if we are relegated to fly in economy class on a plane full of first class passengers for the rest of our lives, at least Luis will be there to remind me that first class isn’t all that great anyway.

0 notes

doggonneit · 6 years

Text

The Last Red Scribble | Part 1/2

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing/Characters: Kuroo/Tsukishima

Rating: T for Teen

Warnings: Single Parent AU

A.N. This is a part of the KuroTsuki Gift Exchange 2017, written for @moonislander on Tumblr. Hope you enjoy!

Italics is Tsukishima. Bold is Kuroo.

[Read on AO3]

Monday PM

(2:33) I’m about to slam my head into the wall. (2:33) Tobio got into another fight. (2:34) He’s fucking five, how does he keep picking fights.

(2:35) what a champ

(2:35) What the fuck, Akiteru. (2:35) You’re not supposed to say that.

(2:36) wrong number bud but legit (2:36) tobios got a future in cage fighting (2:36) whos tobio

(2:38) Oh, sorry. Wrong number.

(2:40) well dont leave me hanging (2:40) i need to know who to put my money on in the future

(2:41) Don’t make this weirder than it already is.

(2:41) :)))))

(2:42) Tobio’s my son.

(2:43) are you an old man (2:43) is that why you started texting me (2:44) STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

(2:45) What the fuck, no. (2:46) I messed up my brother’s new number. (2:46) Evidently.

(2:46) eviDENTly (2:47) arent you all smart and proper (2:47) thats how i like em

(2:49) Are you seriously flirting with me over text? (2:49) You don’t know stranger danger at all. (2:50) I don’t have time for this.

(2:53) :((((( (2:55) come back

(2:56) I have to deal with my son.

(2:56) what an adulty adult (2:57) tell tobio hes a fucken champ

Tuesday AM

(7:22) sooo (7:22) i know your brothers name and your sons name (7:22) but not your name

(7:25) …

(7:25) hint hint

(7:26) Have you seen the latest stranger danger campaign? (7:26) It’s got your face all over it.

(7:27) you think youre being funny but my mates crack jokes about my ugly mug making children cry (7:28) would tobio cry if he ever saw me

(7:30) He doesn’t even know what you look like.

(7:31) *image attached*

(7:34) I really don’t have time for this. I’m getting Tobio ready for school.

(7:35) if life were a party youd be the clown that sucks all the fun away (7:35) XP

(7:36) Why are you making that face?

(7:36) you hurt my feelings so im sticking my tongue out at you

(7:38) No-one uses that emoji for hurt feelings.

(7:39) i just did (7:39) XP (7:39) oh look i just did it again (7:39) XP (7:39) and again look at me go

(7:42) All right, all right, I’ll ask. (7:44) Tobio says you look like you killed a cat.

(7:44) how does someone even look like that (7:44) your son needs glasses (7:45) what do you think then (7:45) smouldering eyes wicked grin (7:45) admit it im pretty

(7:46) Yeah, pretty atrocious. (7:46) What’s with that hair?

(7:47) HI THIS IS KUROOS BEST FREIDN FOERVER BOKUTO PLS DONT METNION HIS BEHDEAD IT MAKES HM SELF CONSCOIUS

(7:47) Aww. Is Kuroo sulking now?

(7:47) sajfkdsjp (7:47) asdffhajlkkasdfghijkl

(7:48) I feel like I should be concerned. (7:50) I am actually concerned.

(7:51) how do i get rid of a body

(7:51) What.

(7:51) how do i (7:51) get rid of (7:51) a body

(7:51) Cook him and serve him to the police who knock on your door asking for his whereabouts.

(7:52) babe thats brilliant (7:52) youre a committed accomplice now

(7:52) On a scale of 1-10, how often do you hit on nameless and faceless strangers over the phone?

(7:52) 1 (7:53) its only ever been you (7:53) *heart emoji*

(7:53) I’m flattered.

(7:53) we have a dilemma (7:54) you know my name and my face (7:54) ive lost the advantage (7:54) who are you o mysterious phone man

(7:54) You really want to know?

(7:55) yes!!

(7:55) Well (7:55) My name is (7:55) *middle finger emoji*

(7:56) i am (7:56) fucking betrayed (7:56) my own accomplice

(7:57) :)))))

Wednesday PM

(4:17) *image attached* (4:17) fight gloves for tobio when he grows up lololol

(4:20) Don’t even joke about that.

(4:21) did he get into another fight (4:21) whatd he do steal another kids party pie

(4:22) He ruined someone’s sandcastle.

(4:22) that punk

(4:22) He also threw the bucket at their head and made them cry.

(4:23) holy shit (4:23) i know you cant see but im pissing myself laughing

(4:23) That’s the second time this month. (4:24) Is he going for a new record? How concerned should I be? (4:24) I should ask my brother for advice.

(4:24) okay but in all seriousness (4:25) dont kids usually act out because theyre upset about things

(4:26) Yep.

(4:26) you sound like you know whats going on

(4:27) Yep.

(4:27) is the thing not an easy fix

(4:28) Tobio can’t exactly move back into his old neighbourhood and old school.

(4:28) ohhh (4:28) i get that totally been there (4:29) though that happened to me in middle school so i handled it differently

(4:30) You mean you didn’t stomp on sandcastles and throw buckets at people’s heads? (4:30) Shocking.

(4:31) real mature of me ayy (4:31) but its chill tobio just needs time to adjust

(4:32) He’s been living with me for four months already.

(4:33) hes trying to survive a new environment (4:33) go easy on him

(4:35) All good and well until he accidentally kills one of his classmates.

(4:35) what could he possibly do (4:35) nah dont answer that

(4:36) You’re not inspiring much confidence right now.

(4:37) okay hows this (4:38) the most dangerous thing in a school is a pencil (4:38) if he stabs it through someones eye (4:38) what are the chances of a five year old having that good of an aim

(4:39) We could be surprised.

(4:40) lets give tobio the benefit of the doubt (4:40) have i brought your fears to rest or nah

(4:50) You’re interesting to talk to, I’ll give you that.

(4:50) is that why youve kept talking to me despite the anonymous and rather suspicious nature of our relationship

(4:50) Sure.

(4:51) *heart eyes emoji*

Thursday PM

(6:44) ive been thinking

(6:46) Make sure you give yourself a break every ten minutes. We wouldn’t want to strain your mental capabilities.

(6:47) hush child i got something to say (6:47) about tobio sort of

(6:48) I’m listening.

(6:49) so yesterdays conversation made me go all introspective (6:49) and if all tobios doing is throwing things (6:50) the lil guy will go far in life (6:50) i mean when i was five i was eating sand

(6:51) Congratulations, you just tripped over the lowest bar society set for its most basic standards.

(6:51) savage i love it (6:52) bokuto just called me a masochist (6:52) he doesnt even know what that means i bet he learned it from akaashi

(6:54) … (6:55) Who’s Akaashi?

(6:55) the most beautiful man to grace the earth and bokutos boyfriend (6:55) im not even kidding his face was sculpted by gods (6:56) *image attached*

(6:57) Wow.

(6:57) exactly (6:57) no one knows how bokuto snagged him (6:58) my moneys on witchcraft

(6:59) Have a little more faith in your Best Freidn Foerver.

(6:59) hes my best bro but he does NOT have that much game

(6:59) You misspelled Best Freidn Foerver.

(7:00) all right he types like an electrocuted toddler (7:00) hes there for me during the good bad and ugly (7:00) and i support him 100% (7:01) but theres no logical explanation for how he got akaashi

(7:01) Maybe he has charm.

(7:02) gasp (7:02) babe (7:02) did you just imply i dont have any charm

(7:03) I didn’t say anything of the sort but it’s an apt description.

(7:03) you really are a savage (7:04) totally my type just saying

(7:05) For all you know I’m a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly.

(7:05) im a personality kinda guy anyway (7:05) so what do you look like

(7:07) Shh.

(7:07) ?

(7:07) Can you hear that?

(7:07) ??

(7:08) Stranger danger.

(7:08) DUDE COME ON (7:08) or are you actually a sixty year old man with whiskers and a pot belly (7:08) because no judgement if you are

(7:10) *image attached*

(7:11) holy shit (7:11) HOLYS HIT (7:11) AJGSFAJKALHHJKKKLLLL

(7:13) Uh. (7:14) Hello? (7:15) Are you there? (7:18) I’m actually kind of worried now.

(7:20) Hi, this is Akaashi. Kuroo’s fine; he’s muttering to himself on the floor. (7:21) Something about being sculpted by gods and touched by angels?

(7:22) What the fuck.

(7:22) Nice selfie :)

Friday PM

(9:28) arms (9:28) abs (9:28) legs (9:28) sore

(9:31) Do I really want to know? (9:31) No, I don’t.

(9:32) :( (9:32) i experienced life death and hell all in the same day

(9:33) Now I can’t not know.

(9:33) i had vball training for a match next week and it was torture (9:33) and when we thought it was done no (9:34) we had practice matches with alumni and it was torture round two (9:34) then i had coaching which i usually love (9:34) but the kids kept spiking balls at me (9:35) 10 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS BODY 50 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS HEAD 100 POINTS IF YOU HIT HIS NOSE

(9:36) You play volleyball?

(9:37) thats all you took from that

(9:37) I used to play volleyball in high school.

(9:37) wait are you serious (9:37) what position??

(9:38) Middle blocker.

(9:38) me too!! (9:38) what are the chances of us both playing vball and being middle blockers (9:39) this is destiny i feel it

(9:40) That was another lifetime ago lol.

(9:40) once a vball player always a vball player (9:40) how tall are you

(9:41) 195cm, why?

(9:43) 195 and yOU DONT PLAY VBALL (9:43) this is a crime (9:44) tell me tobio plays vball

(9:45) I... don’t think he’s ever tried it?

(9:46) the outrage (9:46) how could you (9:47) i just felt my heart crack (9:47) oohhh the pain

(9:47) Poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?

(9:47) i (9:47) ijakl

(9:48) ?? (9:50) Did you disappear on me again. (9:50) This seems to be a growing trend.

(9:51) Hi, this is Akaashi again. Kuroo is currently incapacifjskkl (9:51) WAHT DID U DO TO MY BSET FREIND FOREBER WHYS HE ALL RED N CHOKN ON HIS WORSD

(9:52) Oh. (9:52) Scroll up.

(9:52) OHO (9:53) OHOHO

Saturday AM

(11:10) my mates wont stop laughing at me (11:10) i live in a house of dicks (11:11) cant even escape them theyre on my team (11:11) i blame you

(11:15) Sucks to be you lol.

(11:15) are you taking pleasure in my pain

(11:15) It sounds wrong when you put it that way.

(11:15) ;) (11:16) i’m still upset though (11:16) make me feel better?

(11:17) You seem to think I possess the ability to feel pity. (11:17) I don’t.

(11:18) you know what you do possess (11:18) the ability to feel annoyance (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) is it annoying yet (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) ! (11:18) !

(11:19) ALL RIGHT, STOP.

(11:19) victory

(11:20) What do you want.

(11:17) whats your name

(11:17) Are you serious.

(11:17) i wanna know

(11:18) You reek of desperation.

(11:18) not gonna change my mind

(11:19) …

(11:19) wanna do the whole !!! thing again

(11:21) Fine. (11:21) You’ll ask politely.

(11:21) dom huh (11:21) im into that (11:22) will you pretty please with a cherry on top tell me what your name is

(11:22) N (11:22) O (11:22) *heart emoji*

(11:24) i cant believe (11:24) how could you (11:24) youre so mean

(11:24) :)))))

(11:25) shouldve expected it (11:25) do you always play with peoples hearts like this

(11:25) I enjoy jerking you around. You make some pretty good entertainment.

(11:26) glad to be of service :’)

(11:26) I suppose I could throw you a bone.

(11:26) im not falling for it this time

(11:26) Tsukishima.

(11:27) …

(11:27) My name is Tsukishima.

(11:27) it is (11:27) up down left right with you

(11:27) Disappointed?

(11:28) NEVER WITH YOU (11:28) TSUKKIIII

(11:28) No. (11:28) Do not.

(11:28) i love your name its beautiful like you

(11:29) I revoke your right to say my name ever again.

(11:29) TSUKKIIII (11:29) *heart eyes emoji*

(11:32) I have never regretted anything more in my life.

Sunday PM

(3:24) You said you have a volleyball match next week, right?

(3:28) is this a dream (3:28) are you actually texting me first

(3:29) Miracles abound today.

(3:29) yeah i have a match next week why

(3:29) I mentioned it to Tobio and he got really excited. (3:30) He made me explain everything. I spent hours talking about rules and moves.

(3:30) i knew that kid had the vball genes in him

(3:30) I even dug up some old practice tapes from high school. (3:31) He’s obsessed with setting.

(3:31) hed get along with my setter (3:31) that arrogant ass (3:31) i love him though

(3:32) *image attached*

(3:33) what… is that

(3:33) Tobio’s lack of artistic talent.

(3:33) i hope you didnt tell him that

(3:34) He said it was you blocking and scoring the winning point.

(3:35) he drew a picture of me?

(3:35) He captured your likeness down to the last red scribble.

(3:35) omg… omg...

(3:37) It’s not that big of a deal.

(3:37) youre not ruining this for me (3:37) this is the best day of my life

(3:37) Remember when we talked about low standards?

(3:37) your son loves me

(3:38) He drew a picture of you.

(3:38) and how many other people has he drawn???

(3:38) …

(3:38) thought so (3:39) tell my biggest fan i said hello and thank you (3:39) its the prettiest picture ive ever gotten

(3:39) Don’t get nudes much, huh.

(3:40) wow (3:40) WOWW (3:40) that went beyond savage (3:40) that was straight up murder

(3:41) You like it.

(3:41) yeah im really wondering about that masochistic streak

(3:41) About that.

(3:42) ??

(3:42) I was thinking (3:42) If you were interested (3:42) I could help you explore that.

(3:44) i just dropped my fuckign phone (3:44) are you fucking with me right now

(3:45) Yes.

(3:46) i fucking hate you

(3:46) No, you don’t.

(3:46) no i don’t

(3:46) Why do you keep falling for these things.

(3:47) actually im falling for you

(3:47) Seriously.

(3:47) hope (3:47) its all i got buddy (3:49) is this going to be like last time when you said no but then changed your mind

(3:50) No.

(3:50) dammit

Monday PM

(7:18) happy one week anniversary babe (7:18) do i get a gift (7:18) eyebrow wiggle

(7:21) Did you just type -eyebrow wiggle- at me

(7:22) *video attached*

(7:23) I did not ask for a video of you wiggling your eyebrows.

(7:23) its my gift to you

(7:23) I’m so… grateful.

(7:24) cmon gift gift gift

(7:24) I don’t know, I don’t have anything. (7:24) Actually (7:25) *image attached*

(7:25) omg is that tobio (7:25) hes so fucken cute wtf (7:26) look at those hamster cheeks (7:26) whats he eating

(7:26) Blueberry cupcake. (7:26) It’s his reward for behaving in school.

(7:27) aww no fights today?

(7:28) His teacher said he engaged positively with other students. He was trying to play volleyball with them.

(7:28) omg thats adorable (7:28) i see where he gets it from (7:28) are you teaching him how to play

(7:30) I taught him how to receive but I’m rusty. (7:30) I should look into classes for him. (7:30) Do they even have classes for kids that young?

(7:31) the rec centre where i coach does (7:31) idk about other places though

(7:31) Whereabouts is your rec centre?

(7:32) shh

(7:32) You’re not doing the stranger danger thing on me.

(7:32) do you hear that

(7:32) Can you hear my sigh travelling across the wind.

(7:33) STRANGER DANGER

(7:33) Are you done.

(7:33) my centres in tokyo lol

(7:34) It wouldn’t happen to be the Tokyo Sports and Recreation Centre?

(7:34) how did you know that (7:34) oh my god this is real (7:34) STRANGER DANGER

(7:36) It’s a twenty minute walk from my place.

(7:36) i know i just joked about stranger danger but should you really be telling me that

(7:37) Take it as proof that I don’t think you’re a predatory serial killer.

(7:37) thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me (7:38) *heart emoji* (7:38) well if youre interested the kiddy classes are wed 5pm and sat 10am (7:38) you can go to one or both

(7:40) Hmm.

(7:40) times no good?

(7:42) My brother has Tobio on both those days. (7:42) I’ll have to talk to him about this.

(7:43) ahh dont wanna encroach on uncle nephew bonding time

(7:43) I don’t think Akiteru will mind-- he used to play volleyball too.

(7:43) how did you ever think tobio wouldnt be a vball player (7:44) its clearly in his genes

(7:44) Wishful thinking. I never really liked volleyball.

(7:45) what no (7:45) why

(7:46) It was just a school club. I only did it because it was something to do.

(7:47) you come into my house

(7:48) Lol.

(7:48) well hey its paying off now (7:48) i bet tobio looks at you like youre a god

(7:49) Yeah. (7:49) It’s the first time he’s really looked at me. (7:50) So thanks. (7:50) :)

#kurotsuki #kurotsukiexchange #Kuroo Tetsurou #tsukishima kei #haikyuu!!

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highbuttonsports · 5 years

Text

HB journey - Through the eyes of the idiot behind the camera.

Whats up, CrushDouder checking in. Going to give this blogging shit a try. I always seem to find myself in disputes or deep conversations with people and giving my opinion on things, so I figure I mid as well put it down for others to read. Before I get into the nitty gritty I’m just gonna give a little insight on my journey so far with the High Button. I’ll probably ramble on but that’s what happens when ya try and write a blog after a little electric lettuce! Up, up & away!

STOP! I know what you’re thinking “Douds is an idiot”. You’re not a hundred percent wrong, I'll be the first to admit that. With that being said, hopefully you’ll be pleasantly surprised after reading this that you’ll think, shit, I enjoyed that! Maybe he’s got a little more going on up top than I thought….If not, I really don’t give a shit hahaha.

I’ll first start off by thanking Belly for allowing me to be apart of the High Button. Listen… If you were to tell me a year ago that this year we were going to be working Red Bull Crashed Ice as a media company, at fucking Fenway Pahk…. You kidding me? Or that we would be media credentialed at the Telus Cup in Thunder Bay or better yet the god damn Memorial Cup in our great city of Halifax, doing bench interviews during warm-up (even though we weren’t supposed to.) I would have laughed in your face, seriously. I’ve lived in Halifax my whole life and not once, did I get to sit in the press box for a game. Not even as a healthy scratch hahaha. I don’t care who you are, that is a special moment in your life. Especially an ex hockey player, who just didn’t quite make it! Almost makes you feel like a kid again.

It's funny ya know, how you end up down paths in life that had originally never been thought of. A couple years ago, I was driving a 5 tone truck slangin’ pallets all over the city. I was content enough doing that work as it paid pretty well, and it was something different everyday. After I left that job due to something I considered unfair treatment and unprofessionalism at its finest. Imagine that.. Douds thinking something was unprofessional. Do I even know what unprofessional is? Thats how bad it was, believe me.

So I’m in a rut y’know, standard shit for ol’ Douder, back on the job hunt once again. I felt like I was at that period in my life that you consider like, the cross-roads or something stupid like that. So I’m like; “What am I gonna do for the rest of my life” kinda thing. I’ll be honest with you guys, that thought never really lasted long in my head. My give-a-fuck level is pretty low, too low in some people’s mind I bet but it’s just my way of dealing with things and not sweating the small shit. Blah blah blah.

I don’t know if Belly knew I wasn’t working or maybe it was just a known thing that I wasn’t. Maybe he was just so desperate, he dug to the bottom of the barrel. Either way, who cares. He asked me to come on the podcast as a guest. What a great move by him wha?? I consider myself to be non-filter, so why not have me on to stir the pot a little eh. Ive made a ton of friends over the years through sports and I think that helped in a sense as well. Anywho, I end becoming the co-host on the podcast and then the camera guy…Let me pause you for a second here. Being the camera guy is not as easy as I thought, I figured oh ya, turn it on, zoom in and out and Bobs your uncle (or Aunt)….Wrong. There is a certain anticipation you have to have, a certain creative eye if you will. Don’t get me wrong you don’t need 13 years of secondary education to run a camera, just wasn’t as easy as I thought.

Like I mentioned earlier, its funny where life takes ya sometimes…

Fast forward a bit into the High Button. The first couple months were crazy, we didn’t know what we were doing. We had tons of podcast guests that summer, I mean Christ, were just over a year into this and we're up over 200 episodes. Thats some impressive shit I don’t care who you are. It honestly takes a while to really figure out what you’re good at as a company and finding what the viewers will like as well. And I think we're well on our way.

So, the fellas are in their groove and everything seems to be moving smoothly but I just wasn’t happy with my lack of knowledge in the industry, so what do I do? I apply to take a Media & Communications course at NSCC and wouldn’t ya know it…. I get in. Twenty-seven year old freshmen. Has a nice ring to er wha?! Here’s the thing, sometimes ya make decisions that may be out of your comfort zone, but how else are you going to grow as a human being?? So fuck it, I did it! I won’t get too much into the school stuff as that’s not my bread and butter. Plus, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. There I said it…

What I do want to mention though is how fun this process has been so far. And how it has helped me kind of find a sense of what I want to do with my life or maybe just created a new found confidence in myself, either way, I’m gonna roll with it. This has enabled Belanger and I to stay close to the game we both devoted our lives to. It allows us to really cherish and celebrate everything the Maritimes has to offer. It allows us to go down new, different avenues and learn new skills and branch out into new sports, new cultures that kinda shit!

Im looking forward to the path ahead with HB. The ups and downs and the successes. The spontaneous road trips to the days sitting in Belanger’s basement contemplating whether or not this is going to work. I truly enjoy it and I know for sure Belly does too. When you enjoy something enough the passion and commitment almost comes naturally. Maybe that’s just me, I don’t know. One thing I do know for sure is that if this ships sinks (which it won’t) it won’t be for lack of effort or caring. If everyone could see the amount of effort and not to mention, time put into this by not just me but especially Belly. I’m sure most of you would be a little shocked. I know I certainly was at the beginning!

Last thing I’ll touch on. Shout out to all the people who believe in us and continuously like, share, watch and god forbid converse with another human being about. (old school I know) Thank you. To the guests who’ve given us a couple hours of their time and allowed us into their world and allowed us to help them share their stories for the people to hear. Thank you.

Special shoutout to every member of the 2018-2019 Halifax Macs team for allowing us to be apart of your journey with your sons this year. Your guys’ support has been unbelievable from the beginning and has allowed us to pursue another lane of this media world! Thank you.

Keep supporting the High Button and we will continue to support you!

Cheers,

Douds

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rissaroundtheworld · 7 years

Text

Six Months

This picture was taken six months ago today. August 24, 2016. I had written the final check for the closing on my house that afternoon. I had only recently begun the process of coming out of the fire, so to speak, of the nightmare that was the year prior. I had lost my sense of who I was, lost my self confidence and self worth, and frankly, had absolutely no idea what I was doing anymore. So I did what any logical broken person would do... and bought a one way ticket to Salt Lake City. Since then, I have visited 33 cities in 12 different countries. I have taken 28 flights, 14 buses, 10 shuttles, 3 trains, 2 ferries, 1 rental car, 1 motorcycle trip, and countless taxis, ubers, and scooters. I have spent a LOT of money. I have met amazing people. And I have learned more than I could have ever expected about myself and the world around me. Since I have been in bed for 48 hours now, I figured I would share some of my travel tips with you!

(Of note - my keyboard is broken and I cant include any apostrophes, unless they're done by autocorrect. Forgive me)

1. Wifi is key! During your first few days in a new city, check out restaurants, cafes, and bars in a variety of neighborhoods. This way, if youre lost later (not that I EVER get lost), youre not too far from somewhere you can steal wifi. Also, don't be stupid and wait 5 months to learn about maps.me. Seriously, why didn't anyone tell me about this in South America!

2. Download Tinder. Gone are the days when Tinder was all about swiping right for some action (mostly). Tinder now serves many purposes! I personally downloaded it simply because one more day without speaking English was going to kill me. Not comfortable going to dinner alone? Tinder. Want someone who can watch your bags while youre in the ocean? Tinder. Need someone on the other side of the camera while you obnoxiously do headstands all over the world? You guessed it - Tinder! I would never use it under circumstances where I cant get on a plane and fly away from someone (men can be stage 5 clingers, too) but its been an amazing resource for meeting people while traveling. And... occasionally you do get some action.

3. Dont set lofty goals for personal hygiene. Sometimes, youre just having way too much fun to be bothered with a shower. Sometimes you have the time, but just cant bring yourself to take one of the ever present cold showers. Maybe youre halfway through a 4 hour shuttle, have to use a squat toilet during the bathroom break, and you pee all over yourself right before getting on the bus. Or you and a gentleman accidentally pee on each other trying to cover up each others public urination on a historical building. Or you fall asleep on the beach and dont realize how much sand is in your hair until days later when you finally take that cold shower. Plus, the less products you use, the less money you spend... its called budgeting people. And swimming definitely counts as a shower.

4. Expect all non-airborne transportation to be at least a small nightmare. Yes, airports are a hassle, but man are they consistent. Flights generally take off on time, and if they dont, you'll know. There are so many signs, and so many people who speak English. This is a well oiled machine. Busses and shuttles? ...Not so much. They're never on time, except that one time when youre running late, then they take off early. Signs? Nah. You have to figure that out on your own. If you dont speak the language...good luck to you. Expect sexual harassment from the drivers, pulling over and swapping vehicles for no reason at any given point, and DEFINITELY expect to arrive at your destination several hours later than expected. Is it hot out? Dont worry, the bus will blast the AC so high that you will shiver the entire time. Is it a reasonable temperature outside? Not so much on the bus!! Prepare to sweat out whatever it is that you consumed in the last 24 hours. Buses are NOT your friend.

5. The best way to acquire things is to act like you dont care about them. This is a well known phenomenon, but Im still pretty amazed at how extreme this can be. See something you want? Ask how much, hear the price, and then make a big, dramatic fuss about how expensive it is. Walk away with as much huffing and puffing and wild hand gestures as you can conjure up. You will, without a doubt, get what you want at the price that you want. I recently talked a woman down from 120,000 rupiah to 30,000 rupiah. Just by walking away and acting pissed. She went so low I actually felt bad and gave her 35,000... but now I have 3 new sarongs which cost the equivalent of about $2.50 each. Side note - this strategy often works with men as well. Try it out.

6. Things work themselves out. This is, by far, the biggest lesson I have learned from 6 months on my own. I cant tell you how many situations Ive been in where I thought ¨this is it, Im going to die here, starve here, get attacked, get killed, etc.¨ I planned a new life of sleeping on the streets in Panama. I had every detail of my dramatic escape from jungle captivity planned (also in Panama, it was my first stop so I was pretty nervous.) I have spent many a walk with my hands in my pocket, clenching my brass knuckles, knowing FOR SURE that someone was going to come after me and I would have to fight for my life. I thought I was getting deported in Thailand. Ive run out of money, out of food, showed up in new places with no place to stay, lost contact with people Im supposed to be with, had no access to phones, shown up at the airport with no flight booked (twice, not proud), gotten very sick with no one to take care of me... yet here I am, alive and well (ok, a little sick), relaxing in Thailand. You get through things. I found that I am so much stronger than I realized. And that people are really, mostly good, and they will help you.

So, what's next? Well first, Ill fly to Vietnam for a bit because a certain CHANNA BAO is coming to visit me!!!! This is big, people. Remember when Channa wouldn't be my friend? Then... some major changes to my itinerary. The details are still being worked out but some exciting new things are on the horizon. Hint: no part of this plan involves snow, still. And there's a pretty big birthday thrown into the mix.

Most importantly, at this alleged half-way point in my trip, I want to extend a gigantic thank you to everyone in my life who has supported me in this journey (and in the journey that led me to leave in the first place.) Whether you've come to visit, kept in touch via text, let me facetime you in a panicked state (love you, Laura!), commented on my posts, or even just sent a quick message to say hello - it really means the world to me. Though I am constantly grateful for this life of adventure, there are undoubtedly moments of loneliness. You all remind of the amazing support system I have back home. Its Friday (I think?) and Im still sick in bed, so... have a drink for me!

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