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atozphantomsquadron · 1 year

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Chapter Eight: The Last Dragons

July 16th

Midnight chimes far away from our location. The four of us frantically sprint out of the lab facility, followed by a wild bunch of enraged dragons, all writhing around and acting on instinct. We’re not even sure how far away is going to be safe to turn around and face our opponents.

Dad finally turns around, his hand on the Sabre. My heart jumps. “Dad!”

“Keep going, guys! I got this!” He draws the Sabre, allowing the Penitent to rush into the battle.

William grabs my elbow. “He’s not thinking straight, Alanna, he thinks he’s going to find your mom if he’s the one to attack.”

I’m in complete agreement. My body is already straining.

If I’m going to fight dragons, it’s going to be on an even battlefield.

My neck lengthens, my muscles bulk up, I let out a primal dragon roar. My wings flap hard, lifting me off the ground and sending me into the depths of the battle.

These dragons seem about as skilled as the one I fought with in the air, which is to say not very. They haven’t had any training or experience using their abilities. Anything they do to fight back is all based on things that are imprinted on their primitive minds.

It’s a good thing I know how to fight them, then. My talons rip through scaly flesh, shredding hides left and right. When I get the chance, I shoot fire down a couple of the dragons’ throats and watch them burn up from the inside out. I bite into throats and rip them out. I rip through wings.

I’m taking damage just as well as the others are, though. I feel the webbing of my wings getting cut to ribbons … there’s no way I’m flying out of this mess. I feel every purchase on my flesh, see the burn marks from every enemy firecast. My head stays in the battle, but I’m quickly losing my energy.

“CONCUSSION!” Michi’s favorite spell blasts several of the dragons away from me. Now that I’ve been able to observe her, I’ve noticed that her spells are now extremely more powerful than they used to be. That might warrant some worry, but now isn’t the time. Another wave of dragons approaches.

The wendigo races past, teeth bared, saliva glistening in the moonlight. He races into the battle and starts rending flesh of the dragons, and every once in a while I see his face getting coated with dragon blood, consuming his victims. I’d be a little worried about that as well, but …

I trust him.

I shoot off a fire stream through the middle of the dragons’ numbers. I turn back to Michi.

“How many have we destroyed?”

“Are you kidding? How the hell am I supposed to keep track? CHASM!” A fissure forms in the ground beneath us. The Penitent is nearly caught in the mess, but I catch him and pull him on my bloodied back. The crack appears to have lava at the bottom, and a huge number of the dragons are stumbling and falling to their doom below.

More dragons are scrambling toward us, but these ones are smart enough to jump or flap over the chasm that’s been created in front of the doorway. Michi raises her hand, ready to power another spell. The wendigo hunches, ready to strike. The Penitent brings the Sabre to en garde, and I crouch and snarl at the oncoming horde.

An earth-shattering roar behind them stops their progress. We’re all taken by surprise as a giant fire stream obliterates a good number of our dragon foes. The flames shimmer and make everything around them glow. We hear the growling approaching, and we’re ready for another opponent.

Another dragon appears, a green one. This particular dragon is much larger than the ones we’ve been fighting … much larger than I am even in my dragon form. There’s smoke trailing up from its nostrils, and it snarls. To my surprise, it turns and starts fighting the other dragons … and making very short work of them. They have no response to an opponent as skilled as this dragon is.

My adrenaline is starting to subside, and I’m now aware of some major differences, besides size, between this newcomer and the other dragons. The new dragon has no tail … instead, there are fins on its forelegs. Every once in a while, in the right light, it looks like it might have hair …

The dragon finally cuts through the final of the enemy dragons, then turns toward us. Its eyes … or eye, rather, only one is visible … glows bright red with rage. It opens its mouth, and I can see a fire stream starting up deep in its throat.

I need to act!

I leap across the chasm Michi created.

William, shrinking back from the wendigo, yells over to me. “What are you doing? Come back! It’s going to destroy you!”

If my hunch is right, it’s not going to.

The others are held back from me by Dad, who as the Penitent is holding the Sabre in front of my friends to keep them away from us.

The other dragon rages. It growls. It backs away from me. It wants to fight me, that much is clear, but it’s conflicted.

I need to know for sure. I stand up on my haunches, and I extend one of my front talons toward the other dragon.

“Mom?”

The dragon is instantly confused. It shrinks backward. It looks up at me questioningly.

“Mom, it’s me. It’s Alanna.”

To emphasize my point, I begin shrinking back down into my human form. I’m going to be naked, bloody, and bruised, but right now it’s more important that this dragon realizes I really am who I say I am.

The dragon’s eyes follow my shrinking body. An expression of recognition appears on its face. A rumbling comes from its throat, like it’s about to either speak or spew fire. Once I’m fully human, I stand in front of the dragon with my hands spread out, to show I mean it no harm.

“Mom, it’s me. It’s really me.”

The dragon’s expression turns sad. It opens its mouth.

“Alanna …”

It starts its own shrinking, slowly at first, but eventually at the same rate that my own took place. The process seems like it takes an eternity, until finally all that’s before me is a woman, kneeling in the darkness, her head down. Just as slowly, the figure stands up.

My heart is in my throat.

Standing before me, in her underwear and showing signs of heavy malnutrition and abuse, is Ariel Sharpe. My mother.

She shakes her head slightly, rubbing her eyes. She looks up at me. “Alanna, is it really …?”

I very slowly approach my mother, careful not to startle her. She looks terrible, but at least she’s alive. I reach a hand out to hers. “It is, Mom. We’re here. You’re safe now.”

Her eyes glisten. “No we’re not, Alanna … we aren’t …”

“Mom, Gerard’s dead. Dad took care of him.”

She looks up at that. “Cole?”

I look to one side and spot the Penitent approaching us, Sabre still tight in his grip. Mom seems afraid of him … memories of the Invader, no doubt … but he finally sheathes his weapon, revealing his smiling self. “It’s me, Ariel. The real me.” His voice quivers.

Mom’s tears are falling fully now. She pulls us both into a three-way embrace, which winds up lowering us down to our knees. The three of us weep for a long time, tears of happiness releasing years of despair at our separation.

It takes all of our combined effort to help Mom back to where we’ve hidden the van-pack. Before we left, however, Michi and I made sure that the lab would be unusable, using our combined magic and dragon abilities to destroy the hangar. Any remaining dragon embryos left in there will be no further threat. Now we can focus fully on Mom.

Mom slips in and out of consciousness the whole way to the van-pack. My own strength isn’t doing too well, either … new clothes notwithstanding, I’ve had the living crap beaten out of me, so I’m physically in no shape to do any further fighting tonight. Every once in a while, as we carry her, Mom opens up her eyes and looks up at us.

“Just hang in there,” Dad tells her. “We’re getting you to safety.”

She smiles, sighs, and closes her eyes again. I worry every time she does that, worry that she’s not going to wake up again.

She opens her eyes and this time looks at me. In her face, despite the darkness, I can see the damage Gerard has done to her with his vile experiments. Her cheeks are sunken, black circles ring her eyes, and her neck looks pencil-thin. I put a hand up to gently stroke her hair. “We’re almost there, Mom, take it easy.”

She smiles and speaks, and her voice is so weak it makes me want to cry. “I knew you would come for me … both of you …” Her eyes close again. William and Michi share concerned looks with me and Dad, and together we all accelerate. After what seems like an eternity, we arrive at the disembodied van. Dad throws the sliding door open, and the other three of us gently slide Mom into one of the bench seats.

Michi is immediately digging through her own pack, until she finds two half-gallon jugs, filled to the brim with mine and Dad’s least-favorite drink. She hands me one bottle. “Dad thought this would come in handy, and I’d be inclined to agree. I can do only so much.”

I nod in understanding, climbing into the van next to Mom. Her eyes flutter open again.

“Shhh, don’t talk, Mom. Here, drink this.” I open the bottle, gently lift her head up, and put the drink to her lips. She sips gently and makes a face.

“At least her tongue still works,” Michi remarks, though I’m not so inclined to make jokes at a time like this. Mom takes a couple more sips, and almost immediately it looks like her body’s regaining some of its tone.

“That’s right, it’s medicine, it’ll help you.” I keep encouraging her to drink more, even though I know I’ll probably need some myself for all my injuries. I’d ask Michi to heal me, but she’s going to have more pressing healing matters to attend to. I turn back to my best friend. “Are you ready?”

Michi cracks her knuckles. “Let’s do this.” She trades places with me at Mom’s side, laying the gauntleted hand down on Mom’s chest. She closes her eyes, casting a silent spell. A bright white glow appears between her fingers and Mom’s body, infusing Mom with healing energy.

I slide out of the van-pack, taking a slug of Uncle Cyrus’s medical vomit punch as I do, my stomach already threatening to mutiny on the rest of my body by the time I’m at Dad and William’s side. Relief colors Dad’s face, as well as it must influence mine. I wrap him in my arms. “We found her, Dad.”

“We did, Alanna. You figured it out, though. I’m very proud of my little girl.”

I smile and hug him tighter. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

William sees fit to leave us alone in our daddy-daughter moment, moving into the forest to gather wood for a campfire. The hug seems to last a long time, until we’re nearly asleep in each other’s arms, until Michi taps me on the shoulder. Even in her new cat form, she looks beat.

“Well, I think I got her stable at least. It’s still going to take some time before she’s running on all cylinders, but I’ve been able to reverse some of the damage.”

I reach up and squeeze her hand. “Get some rest, girl, looks like you need it.”

She nods, and that kitten face of hers grins widely, showing off her sharpened teeth. “I’m getting me some food first. You’re welcome to go in and see her.”

I look at Dad, who holds up a hand. “You should go first.”

I nod and kiss Daddy on the cheek. “I’ll be back.” I stand up from his lap and walk over to the van-pack, climbing in next to where Mom is lying. Michi’s right, she’s already looking a lot better, more like the Mom I remember. She opens up her eyes as I enter, and smiles at me.

“Alanna … it’s been so long, let me look at you …” I stand next to her, best as I can in the van chassis. Mom’s gaze drifts over my entire body. “You’ve become a beautiful young woman.” Her eyes finally lock on my hip, and the Sword that hangs there. Her face takes on a concerned look. “Does this mean …?”

I sigh deeply, holding Mom’s hand gently. “Gabe gave it to me the day after you were taken. I told him I wanted to find you, but I got kind of sidetracked and had to find Dad first.” I kneel down next to her. “I have to know, Mom, were there any more dragons that we need to take care of?” She squints gently, like she’s trying to remember. I don’t want to overstress her right now, but if we haven’t completely prevented Operation Glass Jaw … whatever it is … then destroying the lab will have been pointless.

“I think there might have been one that was loaned out, but I heard a day or two ago that it had been destroyed.” She opens her eyes. “Did you do that?”

I nod. “A lot has changed since you were taken, Mom. I’m sorry.”

She reaches up with her free hand and strokes my cheek gently. “It’s all right, Alanna. Life is change. It’s all we can do as human beings to roll with those changes, and not let them turn us into something we don’t want to be.”

It’s a little too late for that for me, though. I resist saying it, though, but Mom knows it’s troubling me.

“Alanna, I’m not quite clear on the rescue, but there was a dragon … a dragon that said it was you.”

I bite my lip. God, I didn’t want to have to tell her about this. “That was me, Mom. Gerard got to me about three years ago and injected me with … something … I don’t know what it was, but all of a sudden I could do like you do, and grow into a dragon. Even before that, stuff was happening with my body … I found out that I could firecast by accident.”

A single tear is rolling down Mom’s cheek. “This was never meant to be your burden, Alanna. It was supposed to end with me …”

I bend over and clutch to her shoulders gently. “It’s all right, Mom. I’ve accepted it. I’m not going to let it change who I am. I’m still your little girl. It just so happens that now we’re the last dragons.”

We hug for a long time, comforting each other, reassuring each other that this moment is real, that these feelings are real. After a long time, I back away when I hear the door open behind me. Dad’s standing there.

“That’s the other thing, Mom. I found Dad. I brought him back to you.”

I slip out of the van, trading places with Daddy. Mom’s face lights up. “Cole … it’s really you, I’ve missed you …”

Daddy smiles. “I missed you too, Ari.” He leans over and kisses Mom for a long, desperate time, like a drowning man gasping for air. When he lets her lips go, they’re both smiling, and Dad puts the icing on the happy cake. “I love you.”

I’m watering up. I gently close the sliding door of the van and walk away, until I find William, curled up next to the campfire he’s built, a fleece blanket covering his form. Very gently, I slide under the blanket and cuddle up to him, letting emotional sleep overtake me.

#phantom squadron #eden inviolate

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furiousgoldfish · 3 years

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I haven't been writing a lot lately because my recovery has been taking a wild turn and in lack of anyone to talk to or therapy, I'll be writing about it here! I'll put it under a cut. There are some descriptions of recovery going very wrong, and also explanations of things I was wrong about.

So since the pandemic started I've been deteriorating badly, first I've been processing trauma extensively, having intense breakdowns and gradually it turned into depression from lack of stimulation, I've been completely alone for months without speaking to, or seeing anyone. I thought it was the isolation getting to me, and decided I just need to endure that, indulge in whatever coping I could and wait for it to end. And then things got worse.

Even as normally I was seeing some very slow progress in recovery; now it was going backwards; I was having less and less ability to get anything done, I wasn't able to force myself to do my job for months, I kept getting stuck in bed for weeks, chronic pain got so bad I couldn't move on most days. And, it only kept going worse.

My breakdowns stared to be about the present instead of the past; I couldn't handle being in pain all the time. As in before I would recover from a breakdown within a day or two, now it took 4 days to a week, and the trauma episodes would last for hours, so intense I'd find myself hoping I would die during it.

And then, I started losing all mobility and this seriously freaked me out. Everything above I've already experienced before, without long term consequences, but now my body was losing function in a way that felt permanent; I could no longer move for more than few minutes, and without extensive pain. Sometimes I would try to get up and end up collapsing and screaming from how much it hurt, I would move my arm and my whole body would experience a shock of intense pain. I was scared, I no longer knew what was going on, I was suspecting something more than ptsd was wrong. I've forced myself into physical activity, trying to fight this, I tried stretching, exercising, running, punching, and every single one of these activities made it incredibly worse. I thought I had broken my body by laying down too much. I no longer felt anything but terror and dread, and kept spiralling into scenarios of my own death; it felt inevitable, I wasn't going to survive without ability to move, nobody would take care of me.

I tried out medicine that helps relaxing, it had minimal effect. Then, in desperation to check if this was all ptsd, I attempted self harm, to see if it erases the pain. It did. It lowered the pain significantly It was a big relief, even though I wasn't happy with resorting to that, at least I could move around for a while, and I was grateful for that. Times couldn't be more desperate, and the measure felt fitting. I was still in a very bad shape, and the pain was only somewhat lessened.

It was about that time someone sent me the Complex PTSD book; I had wanted it for a while and immediately went to read it. I felt some relief reading it, and I was struck with the realization that I have not felt any relief in more than a year. It also surprised me with some of the exact descriptions of my behaviour, that I didn't realize was a symptom. I thought it was necessary and smart of me to live in hiding, to avoid interaction and never connect to anyone; it kept me safe. It turns out it's a regular freeze response to trauma; I got very called out for it. It also explains that a freeze response is what people use when anything else doesn't work, and it's true! I had been fighting, fawning and perfecting myself desperately prior to realizing that absolutely nothing helps, and froze to survive. It also described that freeze types are capable of surviving prolonged isolation because their brains produce hormones that relax the body as if they're going thru a moment before death; also true for me, I've been aware my brain does that, only I get that way too often, and it only helps me marginally because I'm too used to it.

Another thing I was very wrong about was my concept of my inner critic; I thought I had already won that battle, because I did not allow any voice in my head to criticize me (my alters can drag me affectionately), and I generally didn't experience a lot of shame or guilt for what I was going thru. The book describes inner catastrophizer, which is an extention of the critic, and it causes you to spral into extremely negative scenarios of your own demise. Now that.. was happening to me every single day, I saw myself dead around every corner. But I always thought my fears about that were perfectly reasonable. I had been tortured into suicidal state as a kid and nobody cared, I barely escaped with my life from there, I was living illegally, in hiding, without a normal job or regular income, without close friends or any family, with ptsd i couldn't get diagnosed for, without ability to work due to ptsd, in a capitalistic society where being able to work is only thing between you and dying. I had, by that point, gained many skills of survival, but it still felt very reasonable to fear that I would die if I don't get better soon.

The book described people who had families, jobs, social circles, friends and community, who spiraled into deep fear of becoming homeless and dying on the street; somehow their spiraling was exactly the same as mine, and it made me realize that it was, in fact, a symptom, and not reflection of reality. Because I was spiraling even when laying in my bed or eating or sleeping, knowing I could still afford rent for months because I arranged my life to allow myself to lay down a lot. I kept fearing my parents were coming to end my life, even when I arranged my entire existence specifically to prevent this from happening. And even if I was sick and without a real job, I had in fact, survived for 5 years after running away, I wasn't getting worse at it. My spiraling into death scenarios was a symptom of being trapped within a flashback.

The book guided me to try to challenge these fears, I immediately went for it, had a breakdown, screamed "I can't" for like an hour, had additional few breakdowns afterwards, and miraculously, recovered from them in only few hours. And then, I woke up from my flashback.

I won't describe what the flashback was, because it's too gruesome and horiffic, but it was in fact, bad enough to warrant every single bit of that pain I was experiencing, and a very convoluted, complex trauma. I was waiting to be killed in that flashback. Whats concerning is, I've been trapped in that same flashbacks for more than a year. After I broke my way out of it, it felt like I woke up to being alive for the first time in years. I got out being frozen in bed.

For 5 amazing days, I was able to do whatever I wanted. Chronic pain? I didn't know her. It was absoluely exhilirating to get to move again, I was not getting tired either, I was out there making up for months of doing nothing and I was not collapsing at any point. I felt actual joy again, and hope, and being free from pain was so extremely good, that alone made me ecstatic. I was able to create, to be organized, to take care of myself, to follow a checklist, to focus, I was a Normal Person for those 5 days.

And then, predictably, I was getting back stuck in that flashbacks and my levels of terror and dread spiked again. I went to re-read the book, and it took me a few days to really figure it out again, I don't know exactly how the book works on me, I feel like it says just the right keywords to trigger me into realizations and causes breakdowns that set me free. I found myself able to stop some spiraling, but sometimes I can't, that flashback holds immense power over me and is actually mixed with 10 other near-death scenarios that are too extreme for me to process, so this will keep happening. I did break free again, and got to experience additional few days of movement and happiness; I also started working extensively with my child alter, who was until recently extremely suicidal and dangerous to work with.

I am still kinda lost in all of this, and unsure whats going on, but I do believe I wont get trapped in a flashback again for a whole year. I became so anxious and helpless due to isolation, I forgot how to fight trauma, I forgot I actually had to do it. I used to do it constantly in the beginning, but it had made me suicidal back then to face all this, so I tried to just let it heal naturally, which I believed would eventually happen; but it didn't, I got trapped and suffered without knowing how to get out. I also believed my own spiraling was a reflection of reality and not trauma, and that fueled it a lot.

It explains very eloqently in the book how inner catastrophizing comes from being massively neglected; children who are not looked after start to realize just how unprotected they are, so their own sense of danger becomes hypersensitive and starts to lock on possible dangers everywhere. This is then further aided by media that points out every possible bad thing that could happen to a person, and the child who isn't guided by adult who could actually make a reasonable distinction between real and unlikely danger, will clock it all as absolute possibilities and be on alert. It's also fueled by the line of disasters and dangers that happen to them in the context of their own home, and for me, the strongest factor was my parents constantly convincing me that I would die without them. Even though I proved this wrong, and understand they did it precisely because they knew there was a lot of survival ability in me and that's why they worked so hard to destroy it, the fact that it was brainwashed into me under circumstances of torture still makes it impossible for me to fight it.

Maybe one day I will be able to.

I'm writing this because writing things down helps to make sense of it all, and I need to find my way thru this. I also hope someone else will see themselves in what I'm describing and it will help them find a way forward. Complex ptsd is the only book I found that speaks from the point of view of a person who survived cptsd, healed from it, and had so much experience with other traumatized people they're able to draw parallels and create patterns and statistics out if it, it was that more than anything that convinced me of their words, and gave me hope. The book also warns many times of how essential it is to reduce inner critic and catastrophizer before getting other recovery work done, other therapy might only do further harm before this work is done. It was true for me.

If you wanna read this book, here's a post with the links!

#cptsd #complex ptsd #ptsd recovery #tw self harm #story of recovery #trauma #abuse recovery #trauma symptoms #chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #freeze response

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cheri-translates · 3 years

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[CN] Idle chat about the Spring Festival

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a feature which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

There’s a feature in CN called 随便聊聊 (“Idle Chat”), where you can select a mood and talk to the love interests about various topics :>

Idle chats on work, life and studies: gavin l kiro l lucien l shaw l victor

[ Gavin - Happy Mood ]

MC: Today, I did something which left me incredibly fulfilled - I did a thorough cleaning of my house! I can now welcome the new year with ease~

Gavin: I’m also doing a cleanup, but my progress has been a little slow.

Gavin: Without realising it, lots of dust accumulated at home.

Gavin: Cough. Could I leave Thorny in your care at your place?

Gavin: I’m afraid it’d die from breathing in too much dust.

[Note] SO GAVIN WAS REFERRING TO MC IN HIS RECENT WEIBO POST HNNGGHH

[ Gavin - Upset Mood ]

MC: I might really have no talent in picking gifts. All the New Year gifts I bought for the elders were criticised. They’re either too flashy but without practical use, or not worth the price...

Gavin: Who said so?

Gavin: The gifts you’ve given me - I like them all very much.

[ Gavin - Angry Mood ]

MC: Horrible! I had arranged to meet up with high school schoolmates for a meal over the New Year celebrations. In the end, they stood me up!

Gavin: There’s no need to get angry with people who don’t keep their promises.

Gavin: Where were you originally planning to go? I’ll accompany you.

Gavin: Strictly speaking, I’m also your high school schoolmate.

[ Kiro - Happy Mood ]

MC: I bought tons of firecrackers that I used to play in my childhood! We could set them off on the eve of New Year’s together, and scare away all the bad luck of the new year~

Kiro: Don’t worry, Miss Chips.

Kiro: If the firecrackers can’t scare them off, Superhero Kiro will take action!

Kiro: P.S. Savin says the “Double Kick” firecrackers are really fun. Have you bought them?

[Trivia] The “Double Kick” firecrackers (二踢腿) contain two layers of gunpowder. The lower layer of gunpowder will send the firecracker into the sky, and the upper layer will explode in the air after it reaches a height of 10-20 meters!

[ Kiro - Upset Mood ]

MC: I’m a little speechless at myself. I was actually so busy that I forgot to do Spring Festival shopping... which is why I keep thinking my mouth is missing something on this spring evening.

Kiro: This time, I’ll have to criticise Miss Chips.

Kiro: How could you forget such an important thing?

Kiro: But the good news is, I’m already carrying items for the Spring Festival and rushing towards your home.

[ Kiro - Angry Mood ]

MC: Huhuhuhu... Just now, my relatives came to visit. In the end, the children broke my beloved action figure! I’m going to fight it out with this bunch of little rascals-

Kiro: Don’t be impulsive - they’re just children!

Kiro: Little children can’t gauge their strength - what if they hurt you?

Kiro: Leave it to Flower Guardian Kiro to meet them!

[Trivia] Kiro’s last line is a reference to a Chinese song called 护花使者!

[ Lucien - Happy Mood ]

MC: Let me tell you a secret - I’ve prepared a humongous lunar New Year’s Eve meal. May Professor Lucien return home early to eat~

Lucien: No wonder the developments of the experiment went very smoothly today.

Lucien: Turns out it’s because MC is waiting for me at home.

Lucien: Looks like I’ll have to leave early for once.

[ Lucien - Upset Mood ]

MC: I’m caught in a struggle between eating glutinous rice balls or dumplings for lunar New Year’s Eve...

Lucien: Since we’re celebrating the New Year, what I would suggest is that

Lucien: You could actually be a little greedier.

Lucien: Eating these two dishes together wouldn’t be too much for the both of us.

[ Lucien - Angry Mood ]

MC: If the neighbours didn’t knock on my door to inform me, I wouldn’t have realised that the spring couplets outside the door were pasted upside-down! No wonder you smiled meaningfully when standing outside my door yesterday...

Lucien: I just found your clumsy side very adorable.

Lucien: Sorry, I didn’t tell you in time.

Lucien: Could I make up for it with a warm cup of cocoa?

[ Shaw - Happy Mood ]

MC: Today, something incredibly, explosively happy happened! A faraway aunt actually gave me New Year’s money, and I felt like I once again turned into a little kid~

Shaw: Be confident, and remove the “felt like”.

Shaw: Being incredibly, explosively happy over such a trivial thing

Shaw: If you aren’t a little kid, who is?

[ Shaw - Upset Mood ]

MC: I keep feeling that celebrating the New Year is so boring... Is the issue with me or the year?

Shaw: Do you need to ask?

Shaw: Who else spends their New Year’s cooped up at home.

Shaw: Come downstairs. I’ll take you out for a stroll.

[ Shaw - Angry Mood ]

MC: I’m so mad! When I visited my relatives earlier, I played games with my male cousins. They actually felt that I was too bad at the game, and didn’t care if I lived or died!

Shaw: I can empathise, and they aren’t to blame.

Shaw: Enough talking. Log in.

Shaw: You should know by now that aside from me, no one else can handle your skills.

[ Victor - Happy Mood ]

MC: Today, I specially bought a new outfit for New Year’s. I feel myself having more strength to welcome the new year! A certain someone who’s still working right now can’t experience such happiness~

Victor: You enjoy happiness on your own,

Victor: Yet pull me into experiencing your pain when you stay up all night to rush review reports?

Victor: You truly don’t suffer losses.

[ Victor - Upset Mood ]

MC: Ooh... we agreed to stay up all night on lunar New Year’s Eve. Why did it become the morning of the next day when I opened my eyes again?

Victor: It’s within expectations.

Victor: The reason why I didn’t wake you up was so that you’d completely give up on such ideas in the future.

Victor: Breakfast is on the table. Heat it up before eating it.

[ Victor - Angry Mood ]

MC: The older generation cheerfully said they’d accompany me for a game of mahjong. Afterwards, they won all my New Year’s money! Did I fall into a trap??

Victor: ...dummy.

Victor: I remember telling you not to touch mahjong again after the last time we played.

Victor: You haven’t learnt from your mistakes.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #I'm still waiting for good quality recordings of the calls hnghgn

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starf · 3 years

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StarF’s Top Ten Albums of 2020

Another year, another list. Let’s not even bother with the preamble this time around, you get what it is.

10. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - RAZZMATAZZ

Let me tell you right now, I struggled with this tenth spot. There were about four albums that were pretty much tied once I narrowed it down this far because it was a jam-packed year. Ultimately though I had to give it to iDKHOW for their smooth brand of piano rock-pop. This is their debut album and it brought the heat. While it didn't dazzle me immediately, with every subsequent listen I feel a little more of that promised razzmatazz from the title. I also absolutely love the ballad "Nobody Likes The Opening Band," which will certainly be a fun song to hear them perform some day whether they're the opener or not.

9. The Front Bottoms - In Sickness & In Flames

The last offering from The Front Bottoms, Going Gray, left me feeling a little lukewarm. In Sickness & In Flames, however, is a much stronger return to form for the band in my opinion. Some people say all of The Front Bottoms' albums sound the same, and maybe that's a little bit true. But maybe 2020 is the year that we needed to hear some new Front Bottoms material. It was a strange time for all of us, and in these times this kind of album just hits different. From the optimistic opening of "everyone blooms" to the infectious singalong moments of "Fairbanks, Alaska," this album is a good time all around.

8. The Used - Heartwork

Did you know The Used is still around? Not only still around, but apaprently they never went away! When I saw that they had released a new album early in the year I assumed it was a comeback, but I was wrong! For me there was a 12 year gap since I had personally listened to a new Used album, and this one blew me away in a big way. They're still going big, going hard, and rocking their signature sound - but updated for the modern age. This is a band that has managed to hold on to their roots while successfully adapting and progressing into the future.

7. Oliver Tree - Ugly Is Beautiful

Where do you even start with an artist like Oliver Tree? An absolute master of internet marketing, the release of this album was a tortured and dragged out experience, like a person chasing a 20 dollar bill on a string and having it constantly pulled away over and over again. By the time it came out it was a little disheartening that an entire half of the album had already been released via single, but overall it is undeniably a powerhouse of a pop album and a strong showing from Oliver Tree. A strange character, but an impossibly catchy album with earworm after earworm.

6. The World/Inferno Friendship Society - All Borders Are Porous To Cats

I pretty much always enjoy any offering from this band, but to varying degrees. Their last few albums have certainly been good to my ears, but for whatever reason just didn't resonate enough with me to earn a spot in my top ten. This album is clearly different though, and keeps me enthralled the entire way. With their unique brand of punk-jazz-cabaret, All Borders Are Porous To Cats tells the story of one Mr. Cat In The Hat, and it's a wild ride that you're going to want to hear.

5. Run The Jewels - RTJ4

One of the most biting and necessary releases of the year, RTJ4 dropped right when we needed to hear it most, and for free no less. It's my personal opinion that Run The Jewels continue to get better with every release they put out, and their fourth showing is easily my favorite so far. El-P and Killer Mike come through with some of their sharpest bars and heaviest beats yet. It's just a shame that for how much history repeats we as society still haven't learned some of the lessons that an album like this continues to attempt to teach us.

4. Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guide

Spirit World Field Guide is not a typical Aesop Rock album, but then again what is? Back in 2016 I fell in love with the album The Impossible Kid, an accessible (by Aes standards) album that hooked me in immediately. Spirit World is a different beast that took me off guard the first time I heard it, and left me a little bit lost - but that almost seems to be the intent. An absolute monster of an album coming in at 21 tracks and over an hour, this thing wasn't necessarily meant to be ingested all at once, or even in the order presented. The more I revisit it the more I put the pieces together and enjoy it more and more.

3. Poppy - I Disagree

Let's take a journey all the way back to January before the world entirely fell apart. I discovered Poppy for the first time through this album and was quickly intrigued. Going back through her older music, and then her YouTube, and slowly unraveling the mystery that is Poppy was perhaps some of the most fun I've had experiencing an artist's work in years - all topped off with seeing her perform live that month, the last large live music show I've been to. I Disagree is an eclectic blend of pop, metal, and strange curiosity. It starts off right away with the oddball banger Concrete and promises to weed out those who aren't prepared to take the mental trip through this album right away. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

2. Jeff Rosenstock - N O D R E A M

Well here we are! The number one spot! You guessed it, it's Jeff Rose- what? This isn't number one? Well that can't be right, hold on. Nope, I guess that's correct. The new Jeff Rosenstock album, N O D R E A M comes in at number two this year, a fact that will probably shock and confuse anyone who knows me. This is the proof that Jeff doesn't automatically get my number one spot if he releases an album, but with all of that out of the way, let's talk about the album.

In a Post-Post- world we see Jeff returning to a more traditional take on putting together an album, rather than simply rushing through it to get the feelings out of his head (both perfectly valid approaches). N O D R E A M continues to explore themes of being lost and confused in such a soul-crushing and increasingly overwhelming world - all while attempting to find the silver linings and be optimistic about where we're headed. Whether it's the world at large or a personal journey, this album is an anthem to a year that saw most people holding their head in their hands and saying "please, just, let's all get through this, okay?"

1. Will Wood - The Normal Album

Wow. Just wow. Okay, where to begin? I was listening to a random Spotify radio when it started playing a song by Will Wood & The Tapeworms called "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" Intrigued by the style of the song, as well as the title, I clicked through and listened to their most recent album which was 2016's "Self-Ish." I thought it was really good! I enjoyed it a lot and continued to listen to it for about a week. At that point when I started digging further into the band I learned that there was actually an even newer album entitled The Normal Album, categorized on Spotify under just Will Wood, which is why I hadn't previously found it.

I enjoyed Self-Ish, but hearing The Normal Album took it to an entirely new album and blew me away in a way that I haven't experienced in years. This wasn't just a great album, this was one of those musical discoveries where you think "oh wow, this is something I can't live without going forward." Will Wood is exactly what I needed in the back half of 2020 to keep my sanity, and even now I still listen to this album usually at least once a day. It's perfectly crafted in every sense of the world. Not a single second is wasted or out of place. The technical skill is in full display without muddling the pure enjoyment of the melodies or taking away from the overall vibe of the songs. The writing is some of the sharpest and dense I've ever seen, without being undecipherable or inaccessible. This is an album that truly does it all.

The feeling I have when I listen to this album and attempt to get people to listen to it is identical to how I felt about Jeff Rosenstock in the late 2000's, back before he had sort of blown up. Will Wood certainly has a following, but his music is definitely niche at the moment and somewhat obscure. Much in the same way that eventually people listened to me about Jeff, I hope they will find out about Will. Everyone should hear this album. It's breath-takingly perfect.

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winryofresembool · 3 years

Text

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 30

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: At Waystation, pt 3/?

A/N: Chapter 30 already! This chapter was not an easy one to edit as I was insecure about a lot of things, but hey, it's out now and that's what matters, right? I am so aware things are progressing a bit slowly right now but I feel it's kind of 'necessary' to have a bit of down time before things start going down. (Not that I'm capable of writing actual drama.) Well, at least we'll find out a bit more about Leo's past in this chapter.

Without a further ado, please enjoy and let me know what you think (those comments really help me!!!)

Words: exactly 3000 apparently :O

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

After breakfast Leo asked Calypso if she would like him to give her a tour around Waystation. She agreed, but Leo couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow at his family members when Georgina asked if she could go with the flatmates and Leo’s mothers told her that they needed Georgie’s help in some Christmas chores.

“What?” Josephine asked innocently when she noticed Leo staring.

“I dunno, tía Jo. It just kinda seems like you don’t want Georgie to hang out with us,” he stated bluntly.

“That’s not accurate at all, Leo,” she denied. “I’d gladly let Georgina go with you but we really do need her help around here. Christmas isn’t coming if we all just slack off, right, Emmie?”

“I agree, dear. I haven’t even…” Emmie’s hesitance only deepened Leo’s suspicions. “...hmmm, taken care of our mistletoes yet.”

“Mistletoes?” Leo crossed his arms over his chest, briefly daring to wonder what would happen if he and Calypso were under one of those plants at the same time. He shook his head to dispel such an idea.

“Didn’t we agree that we don’t need stuff like that? You don’t even like Christmas!”

“I may agree that this holiday is way too commercial these days, but since Emmie has some mistletoes growing in her greenhouse anyway, I don’t see why we wouldn’t use them,” Jo commented. “It’s nice that Georgie gets to experience some of the old traditions even if we grownups don’t care about them.”

“Whatever,” Leo rolled his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t win that battle.

“Um, if you need extra hands,” Calypso joined the conversation, addressing Jo and Emmie, “I don’t have to go with Leo. I’d love to help too.”

Leo felt a twinge of disappointment because of Calypso’s suggestion. His insecure side yelled that maybe he had misread Calypso’s intentions all along.

“Oh, no, no!” Emmie denied immediately. “You are our guest; we want you to take it easy and enjoy your stay here. I bet Leo’s tour is a lot more fun than us peeling way too many potatoes and carrots for the casserole.”

“I wouldn’t mind peeling potatoes,” Calypso mumbled but Leo’s mothers pretended they didn’t even hear that. The flatmates simply had to accept that they wouldn’t have a chaperone - except maybe Festus - on their tour.

Once the two of them were outside, Leo’s thoughts went back to the time when he had first arrived at Waystation. Back then, he had been only 15, having just escaped from his latest foster home, which had been located far away in New Mexico. His foster family there had hidden their opinion on him very badly, giving him sly remarks about his looks and telling him to speak clearer English even though Leo’s English had always been fine, thanks to his real mother allowing him to learn both Spanish and English as a small kid. They had also made him do the hard work such as carrying heavy loads while the other foster kid of the family got the easy tasks. And when he had come home from school with bad grades, the foster parents had commented: “why do we even bother with you?”

At some point Leo had simply had enough, and by selling some of the few belongings he had he had managed to gather just enough money for one plane ticket and so he flew to Indianapolis without telling anything to his foster family.

After living on the streets and successfully dodging the authorities for a couple of weeks, the police finally found him and contacted the local social workers. Thankfully, after Leo put all his convincing skills to use, they agreed to not send him back to New Mexico, instead finding him a new foster family nearby. Leo hadn’t had high expectations because he had been in at least 6 different foster homes since his mother’s death and none of them had been a good match for him. Some had been abusive, some racist, some ignorant, some had had kids who were bullies, some had had alcohol issues… What had been common for them all was that none of them had treated him the way they should have.

That was why Leo had picked some bad habits too; he wanted to drown his feelings somehow and he ended up stealing small amounts of money from his foster family so he could buy alcohol from his older homeless ‘friends’. He had hated how it made him feel afterwards, but it had been the only way he had known how to deal with his issues. At some point he had even had suicidal thoughts because the guilt and trauma from his childhood got so bad he woke up covered in sweat after the same old fire filled nightmare almost every night. And going from foster home to foster home and feeling like none of those people cared what he really did with his life definitely didn’t help him regain his feeling of self worth. He had no future, no plans, no real friends or family and nowhere to go.

Luckily, during his worst phase in his last foster home someone from his homeless group mentioned having a relative in Indiana and that he was hoping to move there at some point in hopes of getting a new start for his life. That idea sparked something in Leo’s mind and when he started planning his big escape, Indianapolis was the first place that he thought of.

When he finally met Jo and Emmie, he was surprised. Seeing them spending time with their then 5-year-old adoptive daughter, he could tell that these women genuinely cared about the little girl and did everything for her wellbeing. Not only that, Jo was a mechanic just like Leo’s real mother and they had also other things in common. With some patience and showing that they cared, simply by making sure that Leo ate, rested and had something to do with his time other than dwelling on his sad past, they eventually won him over. And when Leo discovered thanks to Jo’s help that he himself had the skills to become a mechanic someday as well, he finally had a goal to reach and studying wasn’t quite as big a struggle for him anymore.

Soon, however, Leo became afraid that Jo and Emmie wouldn’t want to keep him around because he still had some bad days when he literally had to be dragged from his bed. He was also worried that maybe the women had heard what he had done in his past and were silently judging him. Instead, they surprised him by telling him that they wanted to officially adopt him much like Georgina because he was a part of their family now. As an added bonus they assigned him for therapy sessions, which really helped and the days when he didn’t want to do anything became less and less. Leo knew he was still a work in progress but this family had helped him so much and he had found his purpose, his home, at Waystation.

Calypso had naturally noticed Leo’s silence so eventually she asked:

“Are you OK? You’re being unusually quiet.”

“Oh, yeah, just dandy!” Leo exclaimed, trying to act more like his usual self. “I was just thinking about the times when I first moved in here.”

“Really? Do you want to tell me more about that?” Calypso asked curiously.

“I guess it won’t hurt.” Leo shrugged. “I don’t remember if I’ve told you that I was in a lot of foster homes before I got here. Well, my last foster parents were really shitty people and I was this close to… I dunno, doing something desperate. So I decided to just leave and ended up here in Indianapolis. I, um, was homeless for a bit but when the social workers got me into their hands they found me a new family, Jo and Emmie. At first they were supposed to only foster me for a time being but they ended up adopting me instead. I… haven’t told this to anyone, but they probably saved my life by doing that. The Leo from that time was far from the Super-Sized McSizzle that I am now,” he attempted to joke, but Calypso ignored that. Instead, she said:

“I’m sorry you had to go through that… but I’m glad you opened up about it to me.” Leo’s heart did an extra jump when he saw Calypso smiling at him supportingly. He would never get used to that. “And I’m glad Jo and Emmie adopted you.”

“Yeah, me too… When I first saw the place I was like, ‘wow, I wish I could stay here’. Obviously the people here are awesome - they are my family - but that wasn’t the only thing the 15-year-old me cared about. The cars and other machines Jo was fixing? So cool. I had only seen something like that at my childhood home and the nostalgia hit me like ‘boom’ right away.”

“I should have known it was the machines that convinced you to stay here,” Calypso teased, but Leo knew her already too well to get provoked by that.

“Nah. I mean, they’re neat and all, but Jo and Emmie did the actual convincing.”

“Okay, I believe you. So, was Jo’s garage what made you want to become a mechanical engineer?” Calypso asked.

“I guess the spark was always there but it took me a while to convince myself that I should try to pursue that goal. But when I started going to school again regularly – long story, don’t ask – I noticed that the sciences were easy for me, I was also decent enough at drawing – which of course helps with the blueprints and stuff – and Jo let me try fixing some of the simpler machines she had and turned out I wasn’t half bad. It was Jo and Emmie who kept pushing me to apply for the uni, though, because they believed in me more than I did. I’m thankful that they did it but… sometimes I still doubt...” Leo hadn’t talked about his insecurities even to his adoptive mothers so he felt that the fact that he was able to open up about it to Calypso was a big deal.

“I’ve seen you fix countless items,” Calypso said slowly. “I’ve noticed that you’re always… so different when you’re fiddling with your machines. More relaxed. Calmer. Surer of what you do. And your eyes sparkle and you hum some old school rock song while you work and I can just tell that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

Leo had to avert his eyes from her because he was afraid he would do something stupid like cry if he looked at her too long in that moment. No matter how encouraging his family, friends and the therapist were… it was still hard to get used to the compliments. And if he was honest to himself, he probably valued Calypso’s opinion more than anyone else’s at that point.

“Wow… umm… I don’t know how to answer that…” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“A simple thank you would probably do,” Calypso replied. “But know that I mean what I say. Now, how about you show me that famous garage?”

Leo did as he was told. He introduced Calypso to all the tools and machinery they used to fix whatever item the customer happened to bring in. He had a feeling that Calypso probably didn’t have any idea what he was talking about half the time because he tended to get very technical with the terms when he got excited, but she still seemed content listening to him. At least she wasn’t telling him to stop, which was definitely a plus.

To Leo’s surprise, Calypso went to the table where he and Jo used to draw their blueprints and asked him if she could see how he did it because she hadn’t seen his blueprints before. He complied, taking a pencil and a piece of blank paper from the stack and looking at Calypso questioningly.

“What do you want me to draw, then? I may have some experience on this but even I need some ideas first…”

“You can draw whatever you like. How about Festus?” Calypso requested.

“Festus?” Leo tapped the pencil against his chin for a moment, considering Calypso’s request. “Hmm, as you wish, Sunshine.”

He started making fast, swift motions on the paper and it didn’t take him very long to finish the sketch. Sure, the lines were a bit rough, but Calypso told him she was very impressed by how accurately he remembered even the little details, such as a dark spot on Festus’ back, how the tail curved when he was happy, and how he was missing a tiny piece of the tip of his left ear.

Leo felt a bit embarrassed by the praise. “It just comes with me hanging out with him so much. Nothing more to it, really.” He looked at the sketch for a moment. “Hold on, I feel like this is missing something. Can you look towards that window for a moment?”

“What, why?” Calypso asked, but turned anyway.

“Just adding something real quick,” Leo replied and started sketching again. He wondered if it was the lighting of the room but he thought Calypso’s cheeks seemed a bit darker than usual and she kept looking at the floor shyly. When he realized that he’d probably feel the same way if she was drawing him, he himself got flustered and decided to try to finish the drawing as quickly as possible. Within minutes he had drawn her next to Festus, playing with him, wearing the same holiday sweater and jeans she currently was.

“Can I see?” Calypso asked.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Leo gave the picture to her. “It’s not detailed or anything but I tried.”

Calypso kept staring at it for a moment. “Leo… this looks great! I mean, I don’t think I am that pretty but I am quite amazed that you managed to do this that fast!”

Leo wanted to say that there was no way the picture did her justice but he knew that would be a never ending debate so instead he told her: “It’s the experience, Sunshine. When you draw hundreds of blueprints you learn to be fast.”

Calypso turned her attention to the drawing again. “Can I get it?” she asked after a while.

“Why?”

“Because Festus looks cute, you weirdo. That’s a good enough reason, right?”

“Fine, you can have it. I’m not sure where I’d put it anyway.” Leo shrugged. He wasn’t sure why Calypso possibly hanging the picture on her wall made him feel a bit weird. In a good way, though.

Once the two of them left the garage, Leo pointed at a smaller building next to the ‘main’ one. A couple of pointy ears were peeking from the upstairs windows. “That’s where our foster animals live. I think the kid me wished on some level that I could have a pet but my mom could never afford one… but Jo and Emmie have been fostering rescue cats and dogs even before I got here. One of them was Festus’ mum; she was pregnant when she arrived here. When she had her puppies, I noticed that one of them was a bit of an outsider and we instantly formed a bond. Jo and Emmie allowed him to stay here even though he sure would have had adopters.”

“That was really sweet of them,” Calypso commented. “Can we see who’s in there right now?”

“Sure but we should probably let Emmie know about it because she’s pretty strict about who can go in. She may ask us to wear ‘bunny suits’; some of the animals may be sick and we don’t wanna spread the bugs around.”

“No problem, let’s go see her then.”

When Emmie heard what Leo and Calypso were about to do, she promised to stop her Christmas chores for a while so she could show them (mainly Calypso) around in the rescue house. Currently she was fostering two young puppies who had been found on the streets without their mother, a mother cat with her 4 kittens who were getting close to their adoption age, and an older cat with some kidney issues who seemed to however adore the little kittens.

Leo was watching Calypso’s reactions closely as Emmie was introducing her to the kittens. Soon one of the braver kittens climbed on the girl’s lap, giving her a tiny ‘meow’ and then started nuzzling against her sleeve.

“Aww, look Leo! He loves me,” Calypso exclaimed, smiling widely as the kitten started purring loudly on her lap while she pet him. ‘He’s not the only one,’ Leo thought in his mind. Aloud he asked: “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“I guess because I’ve never really handled cats so I didn’t know how they’d react to me…” Calypso noted more seriously. But then the happiness returned to her face. “You know, this one reminds me of you! He also has long, black hair like you and fierce eyes.”

“Fierce?” Leo raised his eyebrow. “That’s what you think of me?”

Calypso seemed to want to explain but with Emmie in the room she didn’t go to details. “Um, maybe? Hey, look! Another one is coming!”

This time a small ginger kitten was approaching her and Calypso extended her arm so the kitten could sniff her. The group kept making small talk about the cats in the room and continued snuggling them, but Leo’s eyes were on Calypso the whole time. He could see how happy she was about such a simple thing as kittens and it made him feel lighter, warmer again, even though he had just remembered some very bad times a few moments earlier. Maybe all of it had been meant to happen, he wondered briefly. After all, it led him here, to his family… and Calypso.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

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mnictasbcl · 3 years

Text

Life’s beauty

For #dbhcolorsofdeviancy, prompt:

June 9th: The feeling of being alive @connor-sent-by-cyberlife

Rating: Teen

Characters: Connor, Hank Anderson

Relationships: Connor & Hank Anderson

Additional Tags: Fluff, Break, Swearing, Cabin, Woods, no not a cabin in the woods this is fluff lads, Beauty of nature, Fishing, Sensory detail,

Summary: After the Revolution, Connor had done nothing but work. Hank decides to take him away to the beauty of nature, to truly realise the feeling of being alive.

Story below! Or, read it on AO3

The androids fought, they won, they became free. In the weeks proceeding the revolution, Jericho’s sole goal was getting sorted the rights of androids so that deviants could truly be as human as they wanted to. Connor was involved in some of the proceedings, helping Markus word and practice his speeches, aiding North with logistical things and tasks to help with the thousands of homeless deviants seeking shelter. But as soon as the right was agreed that androids could work and earn a salary as humans do, Connor was right back at Hank’s side, working at the DPD. After all, whilst his help was needed in Jericho, he could be of much more use on the police force, especially given the rising numbers of hate crimes towards androids following the revolution.

Besides, it was nice to get back into a familiar routine, minus the all-seeing, all-knowing control of Cyberlife hanging over his head.

So, the months progressed. Connor worked as partners with Hank at the DPD, and the two were an unstoppable force, what given their bond and skills around deviancy. More rights were being fought for them in the background. Soon, androids were almost treated, at least by law, as equally as humans. They could not be discriminated against, not hurt, they could work, they could buy property, they could start families- everything. Months after the revolution, and things were looking bright on the horizon.

This didn’t mean that the hatred against androids all out stopped. However, crimes were slowly but surely falling, what with the consequences for committing them becoming stronger by the day. This left slightly less work for the DPD to sort out.

However, when Hank woke up one morning and decided he wanted some time off, Connor was still a little confused.

“Are you quite alright, Lieutenant?”

Hank groaned. “For the last time, it’s… never mind.” He paused, placing his coffee mug back on the kitchen table. “Why’d you ask, though?”

Connor shrugged. “I just wondered whether you needed the time off to rest, or recuperate, perhaps—”

The man shook his head. “You don’t always need a reason to take some time off, Connor. It’s been pretty hectic these past few months at the DPD and I just thought it was time for some change around here. Sumo’s barely seen us.”

“Alright.” He nodded, “But I will have to arrange with Fowler what partner I will be assigned whilst you are away.”

“Whoa whoa, who said you couldn’t use a break too?”

“I do not require breaks. I perform stasis every night and—”

“Don’t you just want to… to be out there?” Hank questioned, rather vaguely, Connor thought with a furrow of his brows. “Go out and do things. I mean, now that Markus and crew have got all those fancy rights for you all, I thought you’d want to go and experience them.”

Connor straightened his tie. “I already am, Lieutenant. Captain Fowler is paying me above minimum wage, and last week, Gavin managed to restrain himself from insulting me.”

Hank smirked. “Oh boy. Not exactly what I meant. Look- I’m not going to force you, but I’m offering: we take a week or so off work, I’ll show you some sights, or we can just stay at home and spoil Sumo, whatever you want. I just want to see you have fun, kid.”

Connor blinked. His LED briefly flashed yellow, processing. Eventually, he nodded. Perhaps the Lieutenant’s words had some reason to them. Aside from a couple of weeks after the revolution, he hadn’t done much outside of work. Of course, it hadn’t struck him as odd. Even with his new status as deviant, which came with its differences, such as emotions and connections with other people, he’d been used to constantly working, following orders, completing tasks, completing the mission. But maybe he could now benefit from not having anything to do other than… what was it… Be out there, as Hank had put it.

“Okay.” He agreed, LED circling back to blue. “Perhaps some time away from the precinct would be optimal. However,” Connor added, glancing to the clock, “we had better get going for work today, lest Fowler relieve us of duty for good.”

Hank cursed, chugging back the rest of his coffee. But even with the time limit now imposed on their morning, Connor noticed he was a lot less grumpy about the rush to work.

___________________

Luckily, Fowler had allowed them the week off work, and the time between then was spent planning what activities they’d get done.

Connor was pleased to hear that it wouldn’t be full of travelling and going a multitude of different places. Whilst he was excited (excited? Yes, he supposed he felt a rush of happiness every time he thought about their trip) about seeing the world, he didn’t really feel up to seeing everything at once, and, besides, travelling for long amounts of time bored him. There was nothing to do but listen to the tinny radio on Hank’s car, playing either jazz or heavy metal rock music, and flick his coin back and forth between his hands (at least for a short amount of time, until it was confiscated from him for being ‘loud as fuck, Jesus Connor’).

Instead, they’d decided upon going to a cabin Hank had managed to rent for a fairly cheap price, somewhere in a wooded, natural area. It wasn’t so out of civilisation that they would struggle to get supplies lest they need them, but it was far enough away from the traffic of the city and the hustle and bustle of busy daily life.

Sadly, the journey was still fairly long, a couple of hours out. Luckily, though, Connor had brought five US quarters with him, each one stored in a different place on his outfit.

Hank looked long-suffering by the time he’d taken away the third coin.

“You’ve got another one, haven’t you.” It was less of a question, and more of a statement.

“Affirmative, Lieutenant. You advised me to pack the essentials.”

“Like clothes. Food. Water. Ah ah ah—don’t you get cocky with me and say they’re not essential for you. I know.” He sighed. Connor smirked. He could tell that Hank was mildly annoyed but not angry with him. He tried his best not to antagonise his fellow occupant in the car, but he just couldn’t help it—since deviating, something in him had changed whenever he had to sit in a long car journey.

Boredom, his mind supplied.

boredom /ˈbɔːdəm/

noun the state of feeling bored.

Connor chuckled softly at the definition his mind supplied. Firstly, it was… incredibly unhelpful. Secondly, he must be bored if he was subconsciously searching the definition of boredom itself.

He decided he would need to find a way to occupy his mind on the journey. For now, he didn’t think getting out his fourth coin to play with would be a good idea, since Hank was a bit on edge, and he needed some coins for the journey back. So, laying back in his seat, he took to looking out the window. It wasn’t too long before they arrived, he deduced from a scan of his surroundings. Things were changing vastly now. There were no tall and looming buildings like those in the city, no cars shooting by, horns blaring, people running up the streets, late to work. The city was alive, kind of beautiful in its own way, but nature, he began to notice, had its own sense of beauty. What with the trees lined up along the landscape, varying in shape and height, and in density of leaves and branches. The skies almost seemed clearer, more vibrantly blue and interspersed with soft white clouds. It was aesthetically pleasing, he noted, even if not sharing the geometry of lines and symmetry that the city held.

He whiled away the rest of the journey watching the sights go by, managing to stay stiller than he had the first half of the journey. It was awfully serene. Still, when they reached their destination, car pulling up on a dusty road, the cabin sitting by a pond in the distance, Connor was eager to leave the vehicle.

Connor helped eagerly with the bags, carrying a couple in each hand and waving off Hank’s requests to take some off him.

“I can manage, Lieutenant.”

“Show off.”

“I could also carry the two you have, if that would be of help.” He added, teasingly, to which the man flipped him off. Which then caused him to drop a bag with the change in hand positioning.

Connor couldn’t help it. He started to laugh, which wasn’t a good idea when he was holding four bags. His side started to ache a little, and he eventually had to drop a couple of the bags onto the floor in order to supress the stitch.

“That’s it, we’re going back home.” Hank made to walk back to the car, trying to act serious, but the fact that the android was still sniggering didn’t help things. “You’re a little shit, you know that, right?”

“I believe… I… believe you have referred to me as that multiple… times…” Connor got out between chuckles, before taking a few deep breaths, getting a hold of himself.

“Well, here’s one more to add to the list.” Hank remarked, reaching down to pick back up the bags, following after Connor as he headed towards the cabin.

There was a moment of confusion as they tried to figure how to get the front door unlocked, what with all the bags, until they realised it was already unlocked, Connor leaning against it and finding it swing open.

“That’s safe.”

“I do not detect any beings inside the residence.” Connor informed him after a quick scan of the cabin.

“You sure? No pigeons or squirrels made a little home for themselves up in the attic?”

Connor began to walk inside, glancing around in case his scans hadn’t been accurate, but shook his head upon reaching the living area. “I believe not. There is no attic.”

He heard a slight thud of a bag being dropped onto the floor, and snorted.

___________________

The first late afternoon and evening at the cabin was spent getting everything unpacked and homely in the cabin, and Connor cooking a healthy meal for Hank (“There’s no takeaway service out here, Lieutenant”).

After that, however, Connor awoke them bright and early the next morning, coming out of status around 7.30am and pulling open the curtains.

“As per our schedule, Lie—”

“Jesus Christ, Connor.” Hank groaned, a phrase the android had become accustomed to hearing. He cringed. Perhaps he’d forgotten that coming out of human rest was different to coming out of stasis. He pulled the curtains slightly to, so that it wasn’t blinding early morning sunlight streaming into room. This time only a small slither of it.

“Apologies… Hank. I may have been too prompt. I’m just…”

Rubbing his eyes, Hank looked him over, seeing the android fully dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt with an image of a cartoon Saint Bernard on it, and some loose-fitting pants.

“Excited.” The man finished for him. “Well, that’s what I get for letting you organise a schedule for the week… If you get me some coffee, I might forgive you.”

Connor swiftly made his way into the kitchen and came back approximately 3 minutes later with a mug of coffee.

And so, that’s how the morning went on. Hank might’ve complained, used to this side of the android from how he liked to get the tasks done swiftly and properly at work, but he was fond to see Connor moving about and happy to do something other than work.

It wasn’t much later into the day that they were sitting out by the side of the lake, situated to the right side of the cabin. It stretched out a fair distance beside the residence, its waters calm and silvery on the surface. Just reaching midday, there were chirps of wildlife buzzing around them, but nothing too loud and overbearing.

Hank had decided one thing he wanted to introduce Connor to was fishing. He could remember going on to a lake not dissimilar to this one in his youth, being taught how to fish. Maybe he could pass that skill, or at least the experience, down onto the android.

After making sure he wouldn’t cheat and download a step-by-step guide on fishing in his ‘brain-computer-thingy’, as the man eloquently put it, Hank entrusted him with his fishing rod he’d brought along. It was a little rusty with disuse and he had little in the way of lures, but it didn’t seem like Connor wanted to harm the fish anyway, given from his reluctance upon seeing the sharp metal hook of the rod.

“I doubt they’ll actually bite,” he shrugged, guiding the fishing rod into the android’s hands. “But if they do, you can just release them back in. A little different to how I’ve done it, but…”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” He stepped back a little, eyes squinting as he concentrated, focusing on flicking back the rod and casting the line as Hank had just shown him how to do. It was a few moments before he managed to precisely replicate the movement, and soon his line was bobbing in and out of the water.

After a few moments, though, he tilted his head, confused. “What now?”

“You wait.” Hank supplied, sitting back on a deck chair he’d brought with them, cracking open the ice box he’d brought with him. “Hey—where did all the beers go?”

The man was looking at him, holding out the can of lemonade. “It’s a much better alternative, Lieutenant. I did… I left a few beers in the bottom of the box, however I’d much rather you left those for later.”

Hank groaned, but complied, and Connor refocused his attention on the waters in front of him. The goal of the task was to catch a fish, and then reposit it back in the waters. But he was meant to wait for that to happen—

He shook his head. That wasn’t the goal. He supposed, from what he’d learnt from his short months of being human, was that there wasn’t really a goal to be attained with every action and thing he did. There were outcomes, but maybe the true aim of this ‘fishing’ wasn’t to catch the fish at all.

Not with the still waters, glistening on the surface, calm movements every now and then as something beneath rippled the current in its movements. Not with the calm hum of nature, the trees lightly dancing back and forth in the breeze. Not with the soft click of the lemonade can opening, Hank’s breathing, the warmth of companionship.

It was about the moment, he noted. The build up of planning their excursion, the anticipation in the car ride over, and now it was the moment he’d thought about. A break from modern day life, a chance to fully enjoy being human. Not working, not thinking constantly about android rights, having things to get done. That moment gave him a chance to reflect, as his eyes cast over the waters, line bobbing as something began to lightly tug on the end of it. To reflect truly on what had happened the past few months.

Because it was a lot. It was being created, being a machine, hunting deviants, meeting Hank… realising that there was more to life than following orders and completing the mission. Taking those orders and throwing them away, meeting the leader of the deviants, of their people, and finally becoming himself.

And now, he was realising what it truly was to be himself… it was freedom. Freedom was being able to have family, to move in with Hank and Sumo, to be free to choose his career path, choose what he wants to do with his life. Choose to take a break away from it all and immerse themselves in nature.

Nature, with all its beauty, all its life—

Standing there, realising this all, feeling the fresh breeze of air tickle his cheeks, the warmth of sun, shining soft yellow light, Hank teaching him to fish. He could do what he wanted. And it wasn’t a task; there was no mission. He could just have… fun.

“Connor? I think you caught one.”

He snapped back to reality. Hank was right. The line was tugging in his hands, and he moved swiftly to reel it in. A fish dangled from the edge of the line. He gathered it up in his hands, carefully, then crouched down, letting his hands hover partway through the water.

It was gentle, and the fish tickled as it moved in his hands, burrowing deeper into the water it could find. He laughed. It reminded him of the fish he caught back in the Tower, that one day, so far away. Connor let it back into the lake.

He watched it swim further away, down and down, deeper into the water. A pause. “Hank, is… is this what it feels like to…” he paused again. LED swirling in thought. “To be alive?”

Hank stood beside him, hand patting his shoulder. “This, and a lot of other things, kid.”

Connor thought it over for a moment. “I think I like it.” Being alive seemed to bring its downs, but even the hostage situation would bring the fish struggling on the floor to be saved. It would bring choices, choices he could make his own decisions on, and moments like this which he wouldn’t trade for the world.

“Great. Now, where were those beers you hid again?”

#dbhcolorsofdeviancy #dbh #detroit become human #dbh connor #dbh hank #dbh connor and hank #fanfic #dbh fanfic #it's all fluff here #I used to be a hardcore angst and horror writer but dbh has turned me sappy #dw tho I have angst coming on some later prompts >:)

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immodestmussorgskyy · 4 years

Text

campers anonymous

“Alright, everybody. Our meeting is in session!” Wraith gave the room a warm smile and rang his bell twice. “Let’s start with names? Trapper, how about you go first?”

A few audible sighs could be heard. Wraith could practically feel some of the eyerolls the killers were giving, most notably Ghostface and Legion, but remained optimistic.

Trapper wrung his hands nervously and looked around the room. Almost all of his fellow killers sat around him in a circle, except the ones that refused to attend. Even the ones that were wearing masks seemed to stare at him expectantly. He cleared his throat.

“Um, my name is Evan. But you guys know me as Trapper. I’ve been clean from camping for two trials now.”

“Hi, Evan.” came the monotone chorus of voices around him.

“Okay, your turn, Billy.” Wraith gestured towards the hulking and deformed creature sitting to his left.

“My name is Max. I…” he looked to the floor in shame. “I haven’t really stopped camping at all.” To everybody’s surprise, the chainsaw-toting maniac had a very polite and subdued voice.

“Hi, Max.” this time, the greetings were followed by some murmurs of consolation.

Everybody turned towards the Shape, who sat motionlessly in his chair. Nothing could be heard from him except for muffled breathing. Wraith wasn’t even sure why he came to the meeting. He never contributed, nor did he greet anybody or try to create a welcoming environment. Nobody pushed him to come to Campers Anonymous, but he showed up anyway. It was puzzling, to say the least.

“I know our friend the Shape here isn’t really comfortable with talking, so I’ll introduce him to you all. Everybody, this is Michael. I’m not sure how long he’s been camping--” said Wraith.

“Not at all, actually!” piped Spirit. “I mean, he used to, but ever since we had our last meeting, he’s been doing really well.” she offered the Shape a smile, which he did not return or acknowledge.

“Excellent! Well, everybody, say hi to Michael! Ghostface, how about you--”

“Hi, hello, whatever. My name is Danny, and I haven’t been clean from camping the hook at all, ever, because I don’t fucking camp.” Ghostface leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. Nobody could see his expression behind his mask, but everybody knew that he had that signature why am I here, fuck all of you look on his face.

“Oh yeah? You don’t camp? Sitting in a bush next to the hook with your stupid shroud shit counts as camping, you dumbfuck.” Legion retorted viciously. “Why are you even here, anyway?”

“It’s called stalking, smart one.” Ghostface’s voice grew venomous as he flipped Legion the bird. “And I’m here so I can laugh at you amateurs that still get kills from camping.”

“Stalking, my ass. That is literally camping. The only difference is that you’re sitting in a bush like a complete kook.”

“Hey, why the fuck are you here, then? If you haven’t already noticed, you’re the only one from your little family that got invited here, because the rest of them are actually decent at killing.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Legion growled, springing from his chair with his hand on his knife. “If we could harm each other your guts would be all over the floor, you little bitch. And for the record, I’m here because I actually want to improve my skills and better myself. Bet you don’t know what that’s like at all.”

Ghostface scoffed and waved his knife in the air nonchalantly. “Whatever you say, King Frank. Keep crying. Somebody will change your diaper eventually.”

Legion gave an enraged scream and charged towards Ghostface, but was grabbed by the hood and pulled back by Trapper. Wraith gave him a look of gratitude.

“Didn’t I say no weapons at our CA meetings? Please, this is no place to fight. We’re all here to better ourselves.” he rubbed his nose in exasperation and prompted the others to continue.

The greetings went around the circle, even to Huntress and Plague, who had obvious language barriers. Plague was also sitting six feet outside the circle, coughing into a bloodstained handkerchief. She didn’t seem to mind the separation, every now and again enthusiastically contributing something that nobody could really understand.

“Our topic today is successes. Little victories. I know that camping can make us feel very isolated and guilty, but today we’ll share our stories of success. And if you don’t have any successes you can think of, tell us something positive about your last trial.” Wraith adjusted his glasses and gave another smile to the group. “Our discussion will be popcorn style today, friends. Just speak whenever you feel ready.”

Nobody spoke.

Finally, Nurse interrupted the long silence and cleared her throat. “I tried using three blinks instead of camping the hook in my last trial. Two people escaped, but I felt better that I didn’t camp them.” Some nods of approval went around the circle.

“Thank you for sharing, Sally. Anybody else?”

Spirit raised her hand. “I stopped camping a few trials ago and I’ve really improved my chasing skills. I think I’m doing a lot better with my phase walking abilities, too. I hope you all know what it’s like to not be a camper one day.” She rested her hands on her lap and gave everybody a proud smile.

“That’s great, Rin. I’m glad that you experienced that.” Wraith said warmly. “What about you, Frank?”

Legion shrugged. “I never really camped to begin with, but I’ve been trying to look for other survivors more instead of just patrolling the hooked ones. Nothing special about it, though.”

“Hey, that’s progress.” Nurse rasped. Legion gave her a nod.

Just then, a loud, metallic scraping could be heard from down the hall, accompanied by heavy footsteps. Plod, plod, screeeeech. Plod, plod, screeeech.

“Oh, great. That triangle-headed freak is going to join us.” grumbled Ghostface, who was shot an irritated glance by Wraith. The Executioner stopped and stood in the doorway.

“Pyramid Head! I’m so glad you could make it. Please, find a chair and have a seat.”

As if pondering his request, the Executioner tilted his massive pyramid head to the side, then plodded forward. A few of the killers flinched at the screeching of his blade on the floor, then jumped as he dropped it with a loud clang. He moved slowly and deliberately, pulling one of the small chairs from a stack in the corner of the room and forcing himself between Ghostface and Legion. The chair he was perched atop was dwarfed by his massive stature. Secretly, Wraith was glad the silent beast of a man was here. He would at least serve as a barrier between the two squabbling young men.

It was curious as to why the Executioner showed up to these meetings, too, considering the fact that his entire existence was dedicated to executing judgment against survivors. Wraith was surprised that he even cared enough about a survivor’s trial experience enough to come to a meeting about ending camping addictions. Like the Shape, he didn’t speak, but at least made low rumbling noises of agreement occasionally. It was sweet, in a bizarre way, that he at least enjoyed everybody’s company enough to sit in silence and spectate their group therapy.

“Do you have anything to share with us today?” Wraith said, offering him a cheerful smile. He always asked, even though the Executioner rarely gave him any acknowledgment or answer. But it was Wraith’s imperative that all killers deserved to be included, even if they didn’t have anything to contribute.

The monstrous man sat silently for a moment, then stood and retrieved his blade. He heaved it from the ground, dragged it with a loud screeeech between his and Ghostface’s chairs. The smaller killer huffed and glared at the back of his bloodstained helmet. The Executioner dragged it to the middle of the circle and held it out proudly towards Wraith, almost offering him the handle, its tip digging into the linoleum floor.

Upon closer inspection, the grimy, impossibly sharp edge of his blade was covered in fresh blood and viscera that could only be survivor guts.

“Oh? You’ve… gotten more kills?” Wraith guessed.

The Executioner nodded and motioned with his hands as if asking him to continue.

“You’ve gotten more moris?”

He nodded eagerly, resting the handle of his blade under his arm to clap in excitement. He mimed a crushing motion with one of his hands, then thrust it forward like he was stabbing something. Wraith beamed. It was exciting seeing one of the more shy killers get a little excited over their memento mori offerings. The Executioner dragged the blade behind him back to his seat and rested it gently on the ground next to his chair.

“Okay, well, this is boring as fuck and I have better things to be doing.” Ghostface sneered.

“Oh yeah? Like whacking off to pictures of people in the shower, you perv? Have fun.” Legion said.

“Listen, kid, I’m not going to tolerate more of your bullshit--”

The Executioner roared and grabbed each of the young men by their collars, shaking them violently. The two fell back into stunned silence as they were dropped back onto their seats. Hopefully, this would shut them up for a while.

“Uh… can I go now?” Oni said. Wraith nodded at him. “I haven’t stopped camping at all.” He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. “But last trial I got to mori somebody right at the exit gate.”

“Were they the last one?” Trapper asked.

“Yeah. But they just hid the entire time and didn’t do any gens, so I figured their teammates wouldn’t really mind.”

“Nice.”

The rest of the killers went around and shared their stories. The positive developments made Wraith gleam on the inside. Only two meetings in and everybody was getting to know each other, even developing friendships, and even the shyer killers were beginning to speak up. Except the Shape, but nobody was really bothered by the silent man anymore. Soon, the clock on the wall read 12:30 and killers began giving their goodbyes and filing out of the room.

“Bye, suckers.” Ghostface hopped out of his chair, the first to leave. He said that he only came to these meetings to gloat, but Wraith knew better. He just enjoyed the company.

“Thanks for the meeting, Wraith.” Legion said gruffly, shoving his hands in his pockets as he exited the room. Spirit gave a little wave. The rest of the killers streamed out the door, discussing things quietly with each other. The Executioner trailed after them slowly, dragging his blade down the hallway. Soon, the only person remaining in the room with Wraith was the Shape.

“Yes, Michael? Did you have something you wanted to discuss with me?”

The Shape stood up and shuffled towards the other killer. He reached a hand out, gesturing for Wraith to hand him his clipboard and pen.

“Oh? Do you need to write something?”

He nodded and took them from Wraith’s hands, writing a message in careful, small handwriting. It read: Thank you for doing this. I have a serious habit.

Wraith smiled reassuringly and gave the Shape’s shoulder a soft pat. “Always my pleasure, Michael. You’re welcome to share at our next meeting. I promise nobody is going to think any less of you.”

The masked man looked at Wraith for a good long moment, then nodded slowly and left the room. The gentle killer made a few last notes on his clipboard and began stacking the chairs back up with a content sigh. Things were beginning to look up for his camping compatriots.

Check out this story and the rest of its chapters on AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27011980/chapters/65940853

#dead by daylight #pyramid head #michael myers #the wraith #the trapper #evan macmillan #phillip ojomo #the nurse #sally smithson #the spirit #rin yamaoka #fanfiction #fluff #just a cute lil thing i came up with after getting camped

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weirdpine · 3 years

Text

line by line analysis of Half-Elves in Dungeons and Dragons 5e by a mixed person

Preemptive: Do not respond to this about how you, individually, don’t use this at your table or how you homebrew this. I’m interested in discussing the text; not how you transform it.

Flint squinted into the setting sun. He thought he saw the figure of a man striding up the path. [...]

This intro describes a half-elf from an outsider’s perspective, and mostly focuses on what he looks like.

...an elvish grace [...] yet the man’s body had the thickness and tight muscles of a human.

It’s reiterated over and over how this stranger has qualities that are exclusively inherent to either elves or humans. No muscular elves, no graceful humans.

Walking in two worlds but truly belonging to neither,

I hate how mixed people don’t get to belong in this narrative. Yeah, it feels alienating to have things that set you apart from both your parents’ cultures, but society has methods of isolating every individual. I believe that I belong in both places my parents are from in some manner, no matter whether or not it feels like those places want me.

half-elves combine what some say are the best qualities of their elf and human parents: human curiosity, inventiveness, and ambition tempered by the refined senses, love of nature, and artistic tastes of the elves.

Literally none of this is inherent. While it is accurate in terms of “real people talk about mixed kids like this,” but I would love not to be reminded of the guy who hated immigrants that I met at a youth hostel once, who pretty much said this stuff to me about my heritage.

Some half-elves live among humans, set apart by their emotional and physical differences, watching friends and loved ones age while time barely touches them. Others live with the elves, growing restless as they reach adulthood in the timeless elven realms, while their peers continue to live as children.

Finally at the magical differences here that is actually more interesting to me, since, yeah, this stuff would be alienating to have to deal with. And yeah, if you grow up in an area that’s overwhelmingly one thing, it’s easy to feel like you’re the Only One of your kind and feel alone.

Many half-elves, unable to fit into either society, choose lives of solitary wandering or join with other misfits and outcasts in the adventuring life.

Ah, but we’re back at the “half-elves” don’t get to belong. See, society is constructed in a way where almost everyone can talk about how they’ve felt alienated. I was the only [ethnicity] among the 1800 other kids at school, repressed gay, and a massive nerd and I still made friends and generally felt like I belonged. Yeah, I wasn’t popular. No, I wasn’t bullied.

Of Two Worlds To humans, half-elves look like elves, and to elves, they look human.

This is kind of my experience in the way where “you’re defined by the ways you differ from the society around you.” But also frustrating in the ways they are emphasizing,”You will always be seen as an outsider.” And not accounting for the vast range in experiences, such as the circumstances where I’m seen as not.

In height, they’re on par with both parents, though they’re neither as slender as elves nor as broad as humans. They range from under 5 feet to about 6 feet tall, and from 100 to 180 pounds, with men only slightly taller and heavier than women. Half-elf men do have facial hair, and sometimes grow beards to mask their elven ancestry. Half-elven coloration and features lie somewhere between their human and elf parents, and thus show a variety even more pronounced than that found among either race. They tend to have the eyes of their elven parents.

This stuff is pretty boring, other than establishing that phenotypes mix. But it is something that they’re writing in the possibility of having fun elven eyes. (Looks like this is for the Darkvision trait, which is, fine.)

Diplomats or Wanderers Half-elves have no lands of their own

Now this is some bullshit. The concept that, if you’re not 100% one race, you don’t get to belong, that you lose claim to the land if you’re mixed. This is such a garbage concept that seems to imply that if your ancestors are from different places you don’t have a motherland. Which, somehow again, is a sentiment expressed to me by a different guy at a different youth hostel. But this time, this text isn’t framed as a “some say” but as a truth of the world.

Like, in reality, being mixed means there’s so many places I could call home, so many places where my family lives. My cousin straight up has dual citizenship.

though they are welcome in human cities and somewhat less welcome in elven forests.

Ah, xenophobic elves. I don’t like the way that elves are positioned as foreigners and then acting like humans are so much more accepting and progressive. Like, even the terminology of “half-elf” places humans as the default other half. But also this reads a little like, “Oh, don’t leave this human city, you don’t know how good you have it here, nowhere else will accept you like we do.”

In large cities in regions where elves and humans interact often, half-elves are sometimes numerous enough to form small communities of their own. They enjoy the company of other half-elves, the only people who truly understand what it is to live between these two worlds.

This one’s weird. Like yeah, people with similar experiences tend to group, but, the idea of only grouping with other people who are mixed in the exact same way? Why? They would absolutely have a lot in common with half-orcs, and with human communities in elven cities/elf communities in human cities, and like, with every other person who’s been asked, “Where are you from? Oh. Where are your parents from?”

So, absolutely no mention of communities of immigrants in cities.

In most parts of the world, though, half-elves are uncommon enough that one might live for years without meeting another.

To Be Fair, I’ve not actually met someone who is mixed in precisely the way I am, before. It is harder for me, though, because neither parent is native to the country they’re from.

Some half-elves prefer to avoid company altogether, wandering the wilds as trappers, foresters, hunters, or adventurers and visiting civilization only rarely.

Setting up that half-elf ranger build. But this also is really sad.

Others, in contrast, throw themselves into the thick of society, putting their charisma and social skills to great use in diplomatic roles or as swindlers.

“Social roles” Okay, yeah. “swindlers.” That’s a turn. Setting up for the Rogue build but like, sucks that we’re right back to “half-elves can’t be trusted.”

Half-Elf Names Half-elves use either human or elven naming conventions. As if to emphasize that they don’t really fit in to either society, half-elves raised among humans are often given elven names, and those raised among elves often take human names.

This one baffles me. I know so many people, myself included, who have multiple names that they use in different contexts. Why wouldn’t their parents give them a name that would protect them, or, having a practice where half-elves have both a human and an elven name? Like, sure, this is a scenario that exists but it’s hard to believe that it’s the most common one.

Excellent Ambassadors Many half-elves learn at an early age to get along with everyone, defusing hostility and finding common ground.

Oof. This sounds awful. Trying to appease everyone around you sounds like a protective mechanism.

As a race, they have elven grace without elven aloofness and human energy without human boorishness.

Back to the stereotypes. Why are half-elves treated as a separate race here?

They often make excellent ambassadors and go-betweens (except between elves and humans, since each side suspects the half-elf of favoring the other).

Love to immediately undercut the “excellent ambassadors” bit with “but treated as untrustworthy by their people.”

Half-Elf Traits

Frankly, there’s not much in this section that I can say that I haven’t already said in this post, so I’m not gonna go through this part.

In Summary:

keeps emphasizing how half-elves don’t belong anywhere

half-elves are often seen as untrustworthy (+ “swindlers”)

got reminded of two different racist people i’ve met

#Dungeons and Dragons #i don't have a d&d blog so sorry y'all #racism /

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thinking-in-symbols · 3 years

Text

Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years. When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog. Today I thought I’d revisit that. I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames. I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station! Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this. I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things. I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic. But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm. “Proficient” is a relative term. But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages. I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this. If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused. More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what? I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial. So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish. I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently. Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room. So there’s more work to do. More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point. I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man. I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment. I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories! Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place. I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this. I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected. This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect. Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet. Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket. I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much. Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep! Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years. I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position. More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious. Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately. But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this. That’s a cool idea. I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle. I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money. No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop. That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career. Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others. No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope. I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird. Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right? Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating. So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it. I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues. Just kidding. But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done! Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French! But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao. I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself. How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post. But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done. I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever. I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this. I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive. But a van? Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort. This has actually been front-of-mind for a while. I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point. I do have other thoughts on this, though. Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term? Three months? If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school. However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet. I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through. We’ll see where this goes. It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done. It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes! :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated. But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing. So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years. Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it! Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-)

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet. I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat. Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad! I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”. I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself. The point is, they got done. That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships. I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying. And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life. I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh. I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing. I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect. These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life. I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap. Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change. I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds! Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development. The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort. For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point. It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two. The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science. Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas. I mean, I’ve done some. But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree. I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school. Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now! So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list. I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate. I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more. I know what I need to know. It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news. I’ve always been scared about entering the working world. All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have. But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term. So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done. What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished. I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest. But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life. Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK. There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames. Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

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keelywolfe · 4 years

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FIC: Some Sense of Normalcy ch.2 (baon)

Summary: It’s Edge’s first day back to work at the Embassy, but his job isn’t the only thing on his mind.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Past Injury

Chapter 1 |

~~*~~

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Read Chapter 2 on AO3

Read it here!

~~*~~

Stretch kept watch out the front window, waiting for Edge to drive off with Red at the wheel of his car and wasn’t that a question he didn’t have time to find out the answer. Then he went back upstairs to get dressed; he had places to be and of course today would be the morning that Edge decided to let his ridged adherence to his schedule slip.

It was pretty damned hard to nudge Edge out the door without making him suspicious, since all previous evidence pointed to Stretch trying to keep him in bed as long as possible and now that he was finally gone, Stretch needed to double-time it.

He hadn't lied about the video conference with his therapist, but that wasn't until this afternoon and there was something to look forward to. He had a love/hate thing going with Doc Lee, loved that she could help him collect all his thoughts back into the right baskets and get 'em back in order, hated that he had to actually talk about why they were scattered to begin with to get there.

In the meantime, he yanked on the first pair of pants and sweatshirt he found in his side of the closet. He was headed back downstairs, socks in hand, when the doorbell rang.

Stretch opened the door, leaning awkwardly on the jamb as he reached down to pull on his socks. "hey, andy."

“Morning,” Jeff said with a smile. He was dressed for work and Jeff’s style was a little less posh than Edge went for. No suit coat and his button-up shirt was a deep blue with a scattered floral pattern and a sort of long, gauzy white vest hanging open over the works. He looked good and Stretch didn’t mind telling him so.

“good thing i’m a math genius, your clothes are looking pretty acute there.”

Faint pink rose in Jeff’s cheeks. The kid didn’t take a compliment well, it was a work in progress. But he sure as heck proved his pun skills were up to par. “Thanks for going at the right angle so I don’t have to be obtuse about it. Are you ready to head out?”

“give me two minutes to feed the chickens and we can hit it.”

Stretch headed into the backyard, Jeff at his heels. Jeff stayed out of the coop in deference to his nice shoes and only watched as Stretch let the chickens out, scooping feed into their trough. Nugget came out of the coop last, not the normal order of things, gobbling her food with record speed. Probably wanted to book it back inside to her weird nest and that was another mystery on Stretch’s list. It’d keep for a day or two, and Stretch would take a dozen peculiar eggs, carton and all, to have her back home. He gave her a light pat, didn’t even mind when his affection was ignored in favor of the eats.

Meanwhile, Jeff wandered over to the freshly planted garden beds, peering down at the tiny points of green poking out. "So, do I get to hear why you didn't hitch a ride in with Edge?"

See, that was the problem with Jeff being pals with Edge; it made him concerned for Edge’s welfare and feelings and stuff. That was some double-sided sticky tape, ‘cause Stretch wanted Jeff to like Edge but not enough that he’d tattle. "that would be because he'd interrogate me about what i was doing."

"And you think I won't?"

"nah, you will, but you're more lucky to fall for the eyes." Stretch turned to him, feed bucket still in hand, and gave him the very best doe-eyed, pathetic look in his collection.

"okay, that is pretty effective,” Jeff admitted, “But, somehow, I don't think you're planning a surprise party. So, I have to ask, is what you're doing going to make Edge mad and that's why you're going behind his back?"

"nope." Probably not, anyway.

Jeff gave Stretch a scrutinizing look that would give Sans a run for his money. Well, maybe a leisurely stroll. “All right,” he said at last, “If I don’t take you to the Embassy, you’ll just take the bus, anyway. But if something is actually wrong or you need real help that isn’t solved by a quick lift, you tell me. Deal?”

“deal,” Stretch hesitated and added, “i promise.” Fuck it, Andy was his best friend, if he couldn’t confess to him at least a little, then he might as well start rethinking the title.

Stretch never really gave Jeff a rundown about how he felt about promises, but stood to reason that someone did. His expression softened into a lopsided smile and he jerked his head towards the house. “Then let’s get going before I’m late. Catty is a good boss but the last person in has to get coffee for everyone for the rest of the day.”

The ladies were still chowing down and Stretch left them to it, though he did double and then triple check that the gate was shut tight. Not that he’d ever accidentally left it open, but he was pretty resigned to being stupid about his chicks for a little while yet.

Jeff’s car was a sporty little compact with a surprising amount of legroom in the front seats and there was zero doubt in Stretch’s mind that Edge was the one who chose it with that feature in mind, along with every safety feature package that they could cram in without popping a seam. He didn’t wait for the seat belt speech, already buckling up, and they were off.

Crawling through the streets of New New Home to the security checkpoint and once they were through the gate, Jeff turned things up a notch. His cautious driving was only about a step down from Edge’s, but unlike Edge, Jeff didn’t say a peep when Stretch rolled down the window and let his arm dangle out, relishing the cool wind on his bony fingers.

Nice to be able to relax and enjoy the breeze. Edge would’ve bitched at him and he knew from experience that Blue would stop the car and refuse to move until he rolled the window back up, citing statistics about Humans losing limbs and heads all the while.

Yeah, okay, today wasn’t a good day to think about anyone losing their head. Stretch pulled his arm back in and let it sit more sedately on the window ledge. He could feel Jeff giving him a look, but he didn’t say anything, didn’t ask or probe or scold and that was why he was an awesome friend. Even if a couple times he’d asked about things Stretch didn’t like to think about, things from the past, from Underswap—

The sound of the wind through the opened window suddenly sounded a little too much like a brewing storm in Snowdin, the way they often swirled up across the narrow path that led to Waterfall. Dredged up memories that Stretch usually kept packed away, neat and tidy in a box of ‘past is past’. His head really wasn’t on straight today and—

Stop it, STOP IT—

“how’s things at the embassy?” Stretch asked abruptly. He yanked his arm inside and rolled the window up entirely, sealing out the blowing wind. Jeff didn’t seem perturbed about the sudden break in the silence.

“Great. Busy.” Jeff kept his eyes on the road, but his smile was honest and wide, “I know you’re going to put me off for saying this, but I seriously could never thank you guys enough for getting me this job.”

Stretch shrugged. “i didn’t have anything to do with it. i have less pull at the embassy than hussain, and i’ve heard what he did with the cafeteria.”

“The food is great,” Jeff agreed, “especially the falafel.” His quick side eye said a lot about how much he believed the rest of it.

It wasn’t that Stretch minded the gratitude, but it really wasn’t necessary. Yeah, sure, being his pal probably got Jeff’s foot through the door. That wouldn’t make Edge give Jeff a job that he couldn’t do or that he wouldn’t be suited for. Strategy was what Edge did, and if he thought Jeff would be great for Public Relations, Stretch was a hundred-and-nine percent sure he was right.

“anything i had to do with it was strictly by association,” Stretch told him, “you’re probably more lucky being my pal didn’t put them off, but eh, if they haven’t ditched edge, i doubt you’ll be in line.”

“I think if they fired Edge, half the Embassy would grab their staplers and follow him out the door,” Jeff snorted, “Speaking of lines, you want to stop for a coffee on our way?”

Seriously, best pals forever, “lead on, macduff, i’ll follow you anywhere.”

Jeff laughed even as he turned into the lot for the Beanery and headed for the drive-thru.

Jeff dropped Stretch off at the Embassy entrance before he went to park his car. Which was fine, he knew where he was going, and he didn’t need Jeff to hold his hand along the way.

The security guard only gave him a disinterested look as he swiped his rarely-used keycard and headed for the elevator. Not the normal elevators, the ones that led to the offices upstairs that Humans and Monsters used all day long, where you could press any button and be off.

No, the elevator to the labs was around the corner from those and needed a keycard just to open the doors, another swipe of the card with a password to activate it. Not all Monsters had access to all the labs, and their cards would only take them as far down as their security clearance allowed.

Stretch’s card would take him to any of the labs. All he had to do was swipe it.

He stood in front of the elevator, the card gripped too-tight in the clench of his fingers, staring at the closed doors.

When he’d texted Alphys yesterday, she’d been perfectly happy to meet with him, but said she couldn’t get away from the labs right now, so he’d have to come here. He’d assured her that it was fine and yesterday, it was. It’d been a relief, even.

Somehow while he’d been lying in bed the day before, lost in the tangle of his thoughts, the idea of his HP dropping again got hooked into his head. He couldn't stop thinking about it, none of his distraction techniques were working, his focus was fucking shot. All the clues that he might be having HP trouble were banging on the door, demanding to be let into his mind.

Like the fact that the lower his HP got, the wearier he was and just lately, he'd been feeling awfully damned tired. He'd gotten used to his HP being at five and the extra slice of energy that came with that. Falling asleep at random times in even more random places was becoming the exception rather than the norm and he fucking well liked it that way.

Last time Alphys checked him over, his HP was back on the rise, but it’d been a while. Lately, he'd been smoking way too much, using up a lot of magic healing, and he’d been so, so tired. He wasn’t the puzzle-fiend that his bro and Edge were, but even he could do one that only had a couple pieces.

Yesterday, Alphys’s assurances that he could stop in had been a relief, enough to make that worry back off a little and let him go back to his sour ball of grief over Nugget. Now that mourning was off the table, the reports of her death greatly exaggerated, here came his ghostly HP worries, trundling back in to for another go at haunting the inside of his skull.

After dinner, he’d gone upstairs to take a shower and stood there, looking at himself in the mirror. All it would’ve take was a quick Check, only a few seconds, and his stats would have spilled out right in front of his eye lights, letting him know exactly the state of his HP. Just a quick check and if everything looked good, he could tell Alphys never mind, he could stay home and take a day, not curled up on the bed but on the sofa, maybe, day-binging Netflix. Or outside, watching the chickens roam the yard, maybe see if Nugget would let him get a picture of that mystery egg she was so protective of.

Would’ve only taken a quick Check and Stretch just…couldn't. The magic was sitting there ready to be used and he couldn’t make himself pull the trigger on doing it. He couldn't do it and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to ask Edge. Like Edge needed any other problems on his radar? Not a chance.

So that cemented the plan right there. He was gonna go downtown and see what the deal was, and if it was bad, he would tell Edge. No secrets, not this time, no trying to hide this shit. Edge was going to have to deal with whatever fallout came down the line from his HP dropping, so may as well give him as much prep time as he could.

All he had to do was open the elevator door.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Stretch startled so badly the world blurred around him in an aborted shortcut. The mostly empty coffee cup in his hands slipped though his fingers, spilling out a few creamy droplets when it hit the floor.

Jeff only went to the nearby cleaning station to grab a paper towel, crouching down to wipe up the mess while Stretch tried to remember how to breathe normally.

Finally, he blurted out, “you scared the shit out of me, andy!”

“I noticed and it’s extra impressive considering you don’t shit,” Jeff said. He tossed the cup and dirty paper towel into the trash can. “And you didn’t answer me. Do you want me to come with you?”

Stretch laughed unsteadily, “you don’t even know where i’m going.”

“I don’t,” Jeff agree. “What I do know is that leads to the labs downstairs. And I know you have trouble with labs sometimes, even your own. So. Do you need me to come with you?”

Jeff’s gaze was steady, calm, and beneath it was that warm gentleness, the compassion on his face as obvious as the soft green of his soul. It was hard to resist the urge to grab onto him and drag him downstairs, fuck all the security protocols, but that would be plowing over all kinds of boundaries and Stretch wouldn’t be the only one getting in trouble over it. He wasn’t about to damage anyone at the Embassy’s trust in Jeff over his own stupid issues.

“nah,” Stretch forced a smile, “you need to get upstairs before you’re the designated coffee runner for the day.” Then, when Jeff didn’t move, he said, more seriously, “but you can hit the button for me. if you want.”

Jeff stepped up but instead of pushing the button, he wrapped both arms around Stretch’s rib cage and hugged him tightly. All of Stretch’s good intentions snapped like the elastic in an old pair of undershorts; all he could do is lean down and hug Jeff back, his slim body giving in a way that bone simply couldn’t. Jeff was softer and squishy and so very Human, the best part of humanity.

If anyone came down towards the elevators, Stretch might’ve let go sooner. As it was, they stood there an embarrassingly long time for whatever security cameras were probably watching. Jeff didn’t let up an inch, held tight and let Stretch be the one to step back first.

Stretch shook his arms out, gave himself a full body shake. He could do this.

“okay, i’m heading down,” Stretch said firmly. He pushed his card into the key slot. “hit it.”

Jeff did and the elevator door slid open smoothly. Stretch stepped inside and the doors were closing almost before he could turn around.

“You can text me whenever you’re done!” Jeff called through the narrowing opening. The door closed completely before Stretch could reply but that was okay, Jeff would know his answer without him saying a thing.

He pushed his keycard into the control panel slot and tapped in his password; the calendar numbers of his wedding anniversary used in a linear equation. The elevator lurched hard enough to unsettle his non-existent stomach and started downward.

No big deal, Stretch told himself, struggling to pull his keycard back out with sweat-slick fingers. He rubbed them impatiently on his pants and tried again, and this time the card came free, just as the elevator doors opened into the gleaming stainless steel and glass of the labs, all clean sterile lines, nothing at all like his own cluttered workspace. But it was all fine, he wouldn’t even be in the lab long, Alphys always took him right to her office.

Right on in and she could do all her tests, let him know the state of his body and soul, that was it, yep.

No big deal at all.

tbc

#spicyhoney #papcest #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underfell papyrus #underswap papyrus #by any other name

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atopearth · 3 years

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Fate/hollow ataraxia Part 3 - Chibi is Justice (Phase 3)

Lmao, I love how Avenger thought the way Bazett died against Assassin was so hilarious. It seems she's pretty numb towards the repetitive resurrections now though. Avenger is right though, Bazett is so violent lmao, she solves everything so practically and violently, it's pretty hilarious, especially when she got impatient at Avenger taking too long to unlock the gate to a Master's (looks like Rin's) house so she just broke in loll. It's pretty cute how Avenger protected her from the milk trap lmao. I wonder if the world Bazett is in, and the world Shirou and them are in aren't connected yet? It seems kinda connected since Shirou and Saber supposedly saw stuff like the house where those randoms died, and they saw the place where Bazett resurrects, but considering the fact that even though they both patrol around at night, yet haven't seen each other, do we need to get through a bit more things for it all to escalate?

I'm not sure if Avenger is the same Avenger that was supposed to be born in Heaven's Feel and whether his story is the same since he just kinda tells Bazett that Angra Mainyu isn't his real name because a friend sacrificed his life to save him, so he kinda just took the friend's name and repaid the world with it, so his hero name is basically honouring his friend whilst he's lost his identity. Anyway, lmao at Bazett telling him her background as if she's sharing her practical work experience lol. Her story in a sense is similar to the Matou since she's from an elite family that retained their unique power but lost influence as an important family, so she kinda tries to prove herself within the Magic Association even though they don't care or like her because their traditions and families are so ingrained, there's no place for anything else to shake the balance. It's funny how Avenger justifies it that he's right that she's technically 30+ (she's 23 lol) because she never really had a childhood so she's been an adult most her life lol.

Ohh so the reason why Shirou could never really "progress" was because of his lack of training. He hasn't done any sort of magic and training in so long! Aww the little kid Saber was watching playing soccer looks like a mini Shirou haha! Lmao when she threw the ball into the goal and everyone was stunned hahaha. HAHAHA, Saber kicked the ball and it broke🤣 so cute how Shirou fixed the ball for them. Wow, they've really upped their game for this fandisk! The battle sequence between Shirou + Saber against Archer was so fluent and cool! I really loved how Shirou was able to think of a pretty good plan of getting Saber to Archer super fast using his last Command Spell, so that she can cut him down right after he shoots his arrow and won't have time to react against her attack. It all looked really good too! I'm also really glad that Shirou was able to use his skills again. It's really been a while! However, when Saber asked if this was really all right, I wasn't really sure. Like, obviously they had no choice since Archer was out to kill them, but at the same time, if Archer was so ready to kill them, there must be something big going on that they're not aware of.

Okay, I legit died laughing when the mini game to defeat Illya and her castle came up lmaooo. It was so hilarious!! The chibi characters are so cute and lmaoo at Saber saying food names when she fights. Legit died when I used Excalibur and she said chashu men/noodles hahahahah, I couldn't concentrate on fighting hahahah. I love how Caster uses Assassin to fight, and it was so funny when Rider rode her Griffon because it looked like some chibi horse hahahaha. I loved the mini game, it was absolutely great. I want to play it again now lmao. Illya losing and then pressing a red button to destroy everything was such a funny finale hahaha. I love seeing the Taiga Dojo Taiga lmao. The quizzes are pretty funny lolll! I love the night quiz where Taiga wants to be the main heroine of Fate so bad lmaooo. Oh, and Sella giving Shirou a storeroom to sleep in was hilarious, poor Shirou🤣 HAHAHA at Sakura getting petrified when Saber told her that Servants don't get fat from eating etc, especially since Sakura tries hard to maintain her weight and everything hahaha. I loved how Rider had to drag the Sakura who turned into a rock away lolll. It was so funny when Sakura called Rider a traitor since she never told her that her body won't change no matter how much they eat🤣🤣 Sakura is so cute, her and Shirou fighting over who should bath first was cute, but when he pushed her in and she started going crazy with her delusions thinking that they were going to bathe together in their swimsuits was just hilarious🤣 Saber being scared of sinking in the water was pretty cute, lmao when she was dashing through the water though hahaha. Never thought she would be able to walk on water because she had the blessing of lake fairies lol. Aww it was so cute how Saber sunk into the water when Shirou said her body shape was nice and everything hahaha. Also lmao at Archer and Lancer invading their little picnic at the poolside and stealing their food lolll. I never really thought about it, but hearing Archer complain/give tips on how Shirou can improve his cooking is kinda cute and funny at the same time since he would know best what he needs to improve on🤣 Anyway, I love it when Saber is such a sore loser that she forces Shirou into competing with her (in this case, swimming) until she wins and is satisfied with her wins hahaha. She's so proud of winning after it all too lmao.

Whoa, I didn't expect the H-scenes in Eclipse, I was so shocked lmao, I had to look behind my shoulder to make sure no one saw me because it was so sudden hahaha! Anyway, I've never been a fan of the Fate H-scenes so yeah, this wasn't any better imo. Lmao, I love how Himuro is so interested in Mitsuzuri's love life and wants to know who her boyfriend is, she's so weirdly obstinate, it's kinda funny🤣 I'll admit that I'm definitely warming up to the trio of Himuro, Makidera and Yukika now haha. It's so stupid yet hilarious how they're so insistent on finding out who Mitsuzuri's dating lol. They've got some crazy dedication haha, legit died when Taiga started thinking Shirou was becoming more and more of a player with all these girls lol. Honestly I know Minori (Mitsuzuri's younger brother) doesn't mean harm, but he really gets out of hand when it comes to his dislike for Shirou. Anyway, I'm glad Himuro dragged him away lol, and with that, I think I kinda like the idea of Minori and Himuro together hahahah. Lmao at the Mitsuzuri dating thing was actually because she was desperately looking for someone to be her boyfriend to win the bet with Rin, so she told her brother to disguise and pretend to be her boyfriend, that is pretty embarrassing hahaha.

LMAO at Archer and Lancer having a fishing battle or something, it's hilarious how petty Archer seems towards Lancer hahaha. Omggg Saegusa can see Kojirou and they're so cute and friendly together!? It's such a random match but I love them. They have such a peaceful atmosphere. LMAOOO when Shirou bluntly asked Illya if he could use her castle dining room for a dinner date and Illya thought it was her and there were like pigeons flying in the background, and then Shirou says for Sakura and she sulks in her chibi sketch form hahahahaha. I nearly died from laughter with that transition.

Awwww! Sakura in the pink evening dress with ribbons on her hair (kinda like Rin) is so cutee! The dress in itself is kinda ugly tbh but Sakura is adorable. Awww Shirou in a tuxedo is pretty cute too! Anyway, I honestly think it's so sweet of Shirou to have granted Sakura's wish for a fancy dinner like this. Like sure, he really didn't do much besides have the guts to ask Illya for help, but the fact that he remembered her wish and did what he could to grant it was sweet enough. The way Shirou accepts everything about Sakura including all her flaws, and saying all that in his own clumsy way makes my heart so warm. Hearing Illya talk about some memories of Kiritsugu fondly makes me happy that there were at least a few memories they were able to cherish together. Seeing Illya so happy and excited to play and talk with Shirou always makes my heart so warm tbh. The CG of Shirou and Illya sharing a bed together is so heartwarming, I love it. She never got to see Kiritsugu ever again, but at least Illya now has Shirou who will always dote on her and do his best to protect her. Tbh, in the beginning, I really didn't like Illya and always thought there's no way I'll like this murderous little girl, but omg she's invaded my heart so much, I love her, and her relationship with Shirou. Sella and Liz interactions are so funny, I love how Liz is just outing her to Shirou about how Sella is afraid of ghosts lmao. HAHAHA, I loved how Shirou got so scared of whatever he saw in the wine cellar, he ran out and pulled Sella along with him, and described it to her when she told him not to hahaha. The funniest thing was that it was actually Liz with a halberd lmao, that is definitely scary😂 It's interesting to know that Liz is actually the Dress of Heaven to kinda complete Illya, I'm not sure if I forgot that or if it was never mentioned, but now it's kinda understandable why Liz is a guess a bit more different compared to Sella who is basically full maid. Lmao, the more Sella and Liz appear, the more I love them. It was so funny when Liz gave him that possibly 200 years old card that is most likely cursed and then laughed as she left hahahaha. Omgg, it's so funny but I never really thought that Sella, Liz and even Illya drive to and from the castle!! Lmao when Shirou asked Illya if she drove a Bersercar HAHAHA😂😂😂😂 To be fair, that's what I would have assumed😂

Archer saving the kitten stuck on top of a tree and then going on a long ass rant about heroes of justice was hilarious. But, I have to say, the things he said were pretty interesting and right to an extent, especially the idea of heroes stunting the growth of people like this kitten who will start to always think that someone like a hero will save them so they don't need to think about saving themselves. Anyway, now that Gilgamesh isn't in a "serious" game as he says, his silliness and ridiculousness is so much more funny. I love how careless he is to get caught up in crap but be too prideful to ask for help hahahah. And it was so funny when Rider dragged Saber away calling them losers for their masters' affections since Shirou and Sakura are going to the pool together and she doesn't want to interfere even though she probably wants to join lol. Aww Sakura in her swimsuit is cute. Okay, I change my mind, her side angle is hot hahahha. I can understand why Shirou was so stunned hahahah. HAHAHA, I nearly died of laughter when Sakura told Shirou she's not good at backstroke, and he said that would be awesome hahahahaha, he's a pervert🤣🤣 Omg that underwater kiss though! Shirou was being silly as usual, trying too hard to make Sakura happy and staying underwater past his limits, so she gave him "air" through the kiss haha, Shirou is lucky~ LMAO when Rider and Saber popped up at the pool hahahaha. Omg Rider's swimsuit is hot though, I love it. Sakura and Shirou holding hands back home is so adorableeee, I wish their date lasted longer~~ Aww Saber being fascinated by the penguin shaved ice machine is so cute! To be fair, I've always been interested in those too, they're so adorable! I would eat shaved ice just to play with it loll. Well, Bazett's "Noble Phantasm"-like thing is pretty much a cheat if you can negate Saber's Excalibur. But I wonder why everything keeps repeating itself? Oh, and I died when Shirou and Shinji had a "duel" at the harbour LOL, it was so random but hilarious hahahah.

Anyway, yayyy, I'm finally up to the next phase lol! Sure took me a while to finish this one up, I got distracted by so many things hahaha. But yeah, even though I take a long time to get through this game, I honestly really love it whenever I take the time out to read it. The slice of life shenanigans are the best way to brighten up my life lmao, they're all so funny!! I love how this phase really developed Liz and Sella, they're so much more likeable than I initially thought haha. All the swimming pool shenanigans were so funny and nice too. I'm definitely loving Sakura much more than before haha, and Saber has such a special place in my heart now, she's so silly lolll. I really hope to see Rin soon though!

#Fate hollow ataraxia

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bigfeelingsdyke · 3 years

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project blue book cpt. quinn in s1 pt.1

basically just some musings on captain quinn, under the cut bc it’s going to get long lol

okay i HAVE to talk about his emotional progression because i think it’s the strongest of the main 4 and i’m obsessed with how brilliantly subtle it is (michael malarkey i’m coming to kiss you on the lips.) Like, when we first meet quinn he comes across as the classic cocky, abrupt, military man (actually, it almost comes across as forceful- as in “can you tell i’m Acting” forceful imo, but maybe i just haven’t been around many military dudes alkdjfkl) but it becomes clear pretty quickly that this is more of a practiced persona- which is not to say his time in the air force hasn’t molded him in certain ways emotionally (more on that later)-and he’s not really this straightforward, blunt soldier. In fact, i think quinn is shown to be quite perceptive and good at reading people; the scene in the pilot when he and hynek are at the diner is maybe the best early instance of this- he feels confident enough to call hynek’s bluff but is completely sincere in his offer to fly them because he senses that it isn’t a total bluff (again i tip my hat to you mr. malarkey for communicating all of this with a Look.) Other moments that come to mind are quinn being able to tell something is up with hynek by the sound of his voice (over the telephone no less!), correctly intuiting that hynek was melting down because he couldn’t process lt. fuller’s death (and vocally empathizing), picking up multiple non-verbal cues and tics during his (initial) interrogation of rizzuto, and navigating the situation with the drugged platoon. All of this is not to say quinn can’t be insensitive or dismissive, because he frequently is (to both hynek and various Believers) but he’s the skeptic, so that’s kind of his job. I DO think it’s hilarious that despite quinn’s people-reading skills he can’t tell when hynek is lying to his face. Like, no way is hynek a convincing liar, quinn just has a crush on him LMAO.

Now about that “more on that later” re: how being in the air force for 10 years shaped quinn emotionally- Perhaps more so than anyone else on the show (including susie, a literal spy) quinn resolutely does not wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s not an emotional guy (outwardly anyways, dude spends enough time sulking at bars that its clear he’s in his Feels internally aldfls;fdkl.) Apparently a decade of military conditioning will do that to a person [insert grimacing emoji here]. Because of this, the one emotion quinn IS able to express is anger....which i know isn’t groundbreaking for the character type, but the intensity of quinn’s anger is so fascinating to me, especially because of it’s infrequency.....Like, quinn regularly gets annoyed/exasperated/frustrated but rarely really, truly angry- and when he does it’s....terrifying. Like, possessed-by-fury-incarnate levels. And i have to think this is an intentional choice on mm’s part, and i want to know what his thinking is behind it!! Personally, i read it as quinn having years of bottled up rage around the trauma he suffered running combat missions, which i think is supported by the fact that these moments of furious anger are almost exclusively directed at the generals- like he recognizes (subconsciously) that they, and by extension the air force, are responsible for his unresolved trauma. I think the scene when he confronts general harding about the trick interrogation illustrates this really clearly; it makes sense that quinn would be upset, feel angry and betrayed- but his reaction is SO frighteningly intense it reads like this particular situation is triggering something deeper that’s been building for much longer than one afternoon.

**On that note, i want to clarify re: his fight with hynek in “Abduction” that quinn isn’t angry (the intensity simply isn’t there, and i don’t think he would ever direct such deep-seated rage at allen, even unintentionally) he’s hurt.

Finally, i gotta talk about how quinn reacts to his encounter with the orbs, and his confrontation with deepthroat, in the season finale- specifically how deeply we see these events affect him emotionally. Even though up to this point he’s already had several “unexplained” experiences (including being fucking electrocuted inside his damn car by unseen forces and dealing with lingering electric currents in his body) quinn has seemed, in true skeptic fashion, to file these occurrences away as strange phenomena with some kind of scientific, terrestrial explanation (whether its in agreement with hynek’s assessment or not) and appears largely unbothered by them. But then we get his (very up close and personal) encounter with the orange orbs, and confrontation with hynek’s contact, and both leave him visibly shaken. And now i’m going to rave about mm’s acting again, because SERIOUSLY- the barely concealed fear in quinn’s eyes when facing down deepthroat like!! he has a steady hold on the gun in his hand but his glassy eyes betray how scared he really is- for himself and hynek (side note: i LOVED how protective he was of hynek in this scene, but more on that in part two...) As for quinn’s aerial encounter with the orbs, i think it was a great callback to lt. fuller’s experience in the pilot (which quinn dismissed as all but impossible, and then tried to prove it) because we got to see quinn go through nearly the same experience....and come out the other side a lot less sure about ufos than he was ten episodes ago (narrative and emotional full-circles are soooooo sexy omg<3) Also, his reaction (surprised, hurt) to hynek bullshitting to the generals was very telling- actually, it reminded me of the scene in the x files pilot where scully discovers the dirt under the comatose kids toenails and immediately freaks out because holy SHIT mulder was right the kid IS the culprit, and mulder, the Believer, has to remind her “okay, but you have to write it down in your report.” Like, quinn was so emotionally tripped up by his encounter that he got upset with hynek for telling the generals it was NOT aliens, when his entire MO has been to make sure hynek does exactly that ASDFGHJKL. I’m excited to see just how far down the rabbit hole quinn is actually gonna go in s2, or if he’ll pull back completely and go back to Super Skeptic Mode....

#hi this is what happens when i have no one to talk to about Current TV Fixation slkdfjlsdk #project blue book #mine #this was gonna be about the core 4 but i realized halfway thru i had a lot to say about quinn SLDKFLD #so i'll make a separate post about the other 3 lol #and about queer quinn #ANYWAYS ITS 3AM KLSDJKD HELP

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jelloopy · 4 years

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Murder on The Rockport Limited Notes

Previous: Character Creation, HtbG, Moonlighting

Ch 1

Robbie is a halfling who is pretty shitty but he’s good at making “potions” (Robbie is the roommate that everyone really hates but doesn’t want him to leave because he is their plug)

Taako is on the top bunk, Magnus is under Taako, Robbie is next to Taako and Merle is under Robbie

They are woken up at 3 am to report to Lucretia (3 am really?)

”Yeah it’s like Mario Mario or Luigi Mario” ~Griffin (This is so funny because this actually proves that Taako’s last name really is Taaco. Before Justin played it as a joke but this kinda derails that)

Robbie asks them for Pringles when they leave (Thus the beginning of me and the boys not remembering him by anything other than Pringles)

They arrive in their PJs (Taako is in footie pajamas and Merle’s has a flap in at the butt with a Kenny Chesney tattoo on his ass) (When the hell did Merle get that tattoo. Also, why is Lucretia in her full BoB garb right now? Was she asleep and get changed really quickly? Do her robes double as PJ’s? Did she just not go to sleep?)

Taako says he gets night terrors that’s why he’s in like a full-body Onesie/sleeping bag (That is so fricking sad if you think about his backstory later on…)

Magnus just starts changing clothing right then and there when Lucretia tells them that they don’t have time to get ready (This man really has no shame or boundaries. I imagine it was the same in the century tbh)

Leimann Kessler (half-elf man) was murdered before he was even on the train but was able to secure the Relic on the train (Personally, don’t know a lot about how trains work but this to me is kinda odd. Who knew he died? Do their bracers know when the wearer perishes? Is there like a body temp check and a pulse check in there too? We know that it can track them but… how much more can it do…)

All the relics come from a different school of magic. They were never in the hands of someone long enough to learn what they are capable of (Potentially this is a lie. We would have already known the names, schools of magic, and possibly what they could do based upon that alone. I bet Lucretia is hiding that info in her office)

The Gauntlet deals with Evocation magic (Hmmm, I can only imagine why. Maybe because Lup also worked in Evocation magic?)

Avi is manning the cannon! The whole scene with Magnus High as hell. Avi Never learned how to Wink (Avi you’re adorable I love you. Magnus. Get your shit together man.)

Taako pulls the lever too early and they change trajectory into a swamp

Leech fight! (I honest to god forgot this even happened before listening to it again. Not my fave fight)

Ch 2

Merle gets a lot of blood sucked from him by the leeches

Merle is completely submerged in the swamp and Magnus pulls his ass out (Why is it always Merle)

”Scientists have yet to agree” ~Griffin (I personally use this phrase all the time. It just makes me laugh so hard every time.)

Taako can levitate (I really wished he used this more ngl. I would also like to see some more fanart of this)

They are in Rockport! Covered in swamp shit!

Tom Beaudette! We see his house and they get hosed off then they see him at the ticket station again. (What a nice guy!)

Leimann, Diddly, and Justin Kessler (10/10 best alias’ ever)

Taako Charms Tom (It’s a nice go-to huh?)

Merle really wants to murder tom he wanted him to step in front on the train (Merle really is the one who goes straight for murder)

Ch 3

Hudson, Jess the Beheader, Graham Juicy Wizard, ANGUSSSSSSSS, and Jenkins McShittywizard (My favorite train gang!)

Travis making fun of Griffin for how he needs to sleep with 100000000 pillows (I cherish all of these out of character bits where they really just dog on one another)

Angus, my sweet summer child don’t talk to strangers. We know your grandfather’s name was long forgotten even though you’re going to visit him in Never Winter.

The boys legit think Angus is evil and Griffin yells at them bc they are being racist. (1- how are they being legit racist? You haven’t introduced anything about Angus’ race at all?) (2- Jesus he is only 10 years old my dudes)

Graham is 36 years young and is crazy obsessed with trains and his real name is Percy? He is shadowing Jenkins in hopes of learning more about working on a train

Taako from TV! (And so his legend begins!)

Ch 4

Jenkins is harnessing a limited version of teleportation magic

Angus calling the boys out on their bullshit

Taako calling Angus “pumpkin” (Literally melts my heart. I wish someone called me cute nicknames. Also, Taako hasn’t even talked to this kid that much and that name is reoccurring)

Angus has a nondescript blue book that is able to intercept messages sent through magical means (Where did this child get this book and who let him keep it? This is legit just like letting children under 13 have access to the unrestricted internet. It’s literal Hell)

The bit with Angus and “PRYING EYES AND EARS!” (uh foreshadowing my guy)

They find “Jenkins” Dead body after hearing Graham scream

Merle is able to identify a lot of things by looking at the body (It still scares me that he is technically a Physician.)

Angus pulls a small CROSSBOW OUT OF HIS SLEEVE? (Where did he get this, how did he keep it from Hudson, Why the fuck does he have it)

Angus really said “you guys run I’ll get rid of him!” and grabs Graham and runs (How strong is this child. He’s legit lifting and pulling a grown-ass man without help)

”I’m following Angus I’ll see yall in hell!” ~Taako (Yes follow the badass 10-year old please)

”I wanna tell you about the time about this time there were three ogres…”~Taako

The Foley work bit and then Griffin just snapping “The train derails and you all die” (Another out of character goof that I cherish)

”I shit and take 14 damage” ~Griffin (are you okay? How much health do you have? What’s your max HP dude?)

Taako makes the Crab monster Levitate

Magnus punched the crab monster out of the window and it got scrapped up on the side of the train

Ch 5

They follow the Crab into their sleeper car and Magnus attacks with a chair and Griffin says “I imagine because you are so skilled at carpentry that you’ve had to attack someone with a chair before so you are in fact proficient in this attack”

Jess comes in and finishes the crab off with her Soul bound ax that she can conjure at any time (This legit just means that Jenkins did not need to carry her ax to the crypt safe. She let him do it for shits n giggles. We stan)

Jess got her last name legally changed to “Beheader” and Magnus says that he got his legally changed to “The Hammer” (Really Magnus… this isnt 3rd grade stop trying to impress her. It’s that or it could be another sad reference to “Hammer and Tongs” which would mean Julia was “Tongs” D: that is so depressing and cute)

Magnus and Merle are making good progress in solving the murder

”Alright lads” “oh fuck” When Merle keeps up his disguise as Leimann Kessler (It’s so funny because his fake Leimann Kessler is just his current Argonaut Keen.)

”I cast ZONE OF TRUTH” “Jesus you’re like a zone of truth cleric” (Oh honey. This is just the beginning)

Magnus wakes Graham up with a 5% smack with his left hand and then a 6.5% smack also with his left hand (Wtf is this BNHA? Alright Deku)

Taako is an Alcoholic? (He keeps asking for a drink ...This is a bit concerning but it makes sense)

Magnus slaps Graham again with 7.2% and he popped something in Graham’s jaw and he begins screaming but Merle heals him (OKAY DEKU COOL IT MY GUY)

”I wanna be a guy... with a head!” ~” Hudson” (hehe foreshadowing)

SCUTTLE BUDDY!!!!! (A short but adorable life you have my Lil man)

Ch 6

The “fisticuffs” scene with Taako and Angus (Now this is really concerning considering his backstory. I know it’s a joke because of how many people they accidentally kill all the time but like dude… little do you know…)

Angus leading them through the mystery is so cute. But also you know its Griffin trying to get his family to really think it through and I love it. (It really makes my heart really full to hear Griffin get really excited when they figure it out slowly instead of mocking them when they guess wrong)

MERLE YES! MAGNUS YES! YOU’RE GETTING IT! YOU’RE SO CLOSE! (Teamwork makes the dream work baby!)

Magnus jumps out of the train and Griffin gets really serious and gives him the “if you fail this you will actually die” speech (This coupled with the fight scene that Magnus accidentally skipped and the fact that originally Travis did want Magnus to die so he could re-roll a rogue is so wild)

Magnus is gonna become a wrecking ball Jesus (very Magnus-core)

Hell yeah, Magnus! Knock the meat monster into Jenkins!!

Magnus gets hit for 10 points at 1hp and paries it for 10 points! (Top ten anime near-death experiences)

Jenkins threatens to kill the meat monster. Horribly misses then is thrown off the fucking train by the meat monster (Get fucked wrecked Jenkins that’s what you get for being cocky!)

Ch 7

They find the dousing rod compass that Jenkins was using and find the monocle (Pirates of the Caribbean much?)

Taako grabs The Oculus because he has escaped the thrall of a relic before

It tells him that it can make anything he can imagine (This is really interesting tbh)

The Umbrastaff eATS JENKINS WAND!!! and a Lil sigil appears on the handle of the staff that also looks like an umbrella (Lup gets fed lmao. Don’t really understand the Sigil appearing tho. It doesn’t come up any other time I don’t think so it’s cool)

Taako grabs the teleport wand thing and asks everyone to leave and he grabs a bunch of shit from the Cryptsafe pile (Very Taako-core)

They make it to the engineer’s room and Graham tries to slow the train down but he can’t

Taako wanted to open the gate to Never Winter to Phandalin but they change it to Jenkins’ garden because it needs to be a room with “one entrance” (Solid idea on Taako’s part. If it were to work no one would have been hurt)

Taako pushed Angus off the train and he looses two teeth (This man pushed a whole child off the train… ‘Ight)

Magnus dies by jumping off the train (Top ten anime death scenes)

Taako successfully opens the gate into Jenkin’s garden and the train crashes into the garden

Magnus is stabilized by Merle (Awe so the Cleric can do his job!)

Angus gives them pringles for Robbie and the compass. Taako gives Angus one of the forks from his grandfather’s set.

They go to a nearby Never Winter Clinic to get patched up

Out of character, they choose to work on voices and Griffin calls them out bc he’s been doing 8 “different” voices and Clint goes “Yeah try doing that for 40 years” get fuckin rOASTED Ditto! (Also Griffin I love you but like 3 of the voices were the exact same and 2 were so similar it wasn’t funny. Don’t get me wrong different voices aren’t my strong suit either but ya did give it your best shot so.)

We goin’ back to the moon baby!

AVI MY MAIN MAN! (I will forever and always want and need more Avi screen time)

The oculus works with illusory magic (Which is very interesting bc I know it was made by Davenport because he also worked in allusory magic but I don’t ever remember him using any magic… who knows maybe he has and I just never realized)

Lucretia thought they were gonna get it off the train before it left... woman… (You’ve known these men for how long and you thought they were gonna w h a t?)

Next: Lunar Interlude I,

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lnarizakis · 4 years

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haikyuu: sparknoted | all about hinata shoyo

masterlist

all about hinata shoyo

foreword: Hi, everyone! I’m so glad you’re reading this. I’ve always wanted to do an analysis series of Haikyuu!!, and I think now that I have so much free time on my hands, this is the perfect time to start. I decided to start out with a character analysis on Hinata Shoyo, since he’s the protagonist of the series. The three topics I will cover are: his character, his character development, and the final arc. The topics about his development and the final arc contain spoilers, so beware! Please enjoy, and everything I say is left up for debate, addition, and correction!

HINATA’S CHARACTER

NOMENCLATURE | Since we are talking about a character, we should look at his, well, character. This kid’s name is Hinata Shoyo, and according to the Wiki, his name means “Place in the sun/Sunny place” (Hinata), and “Flying heaven” (Shoyo). Part of his last name, Hina, means a chick or a baby bird. We should know by now that the meaning of his last name is intentional - multiple times he is referred to as the sun in the manga and anime. He is often compared to Tsukishima, who is referred to as the moon. Like Hinata, he was given that name also with intention. I’m pretty sure the story mentions this, but the reason Hinata was given this name was because of how much he shines. Not just because of his personality, because of course, he is a very bright person, but his whole character shines. He radiates - the effects of his “sunshine,” per se, is found in the character development of multiple people - Yachi, Kenma, Hyakuzawa, Kageyama, and even Tsukishima.

MOON AND SUN | I’m going to side-track and talk about the relationship between Tsukishima and Hinata for a little bit - the story mentions this, but it’s worth noting and it leads into what I’m going to say next. Tsukishima and Hinata are like night and day, respectively. Hinata is bright like the day - he shines and radiates the sunshine off on other people. They bask in his light and become better people because of it. Tsukishima, on the other hand, is more lowkey; he prefers not to talk to people rather than to interact, and, initially, he has no interest in improvement. Plants don’t grow during the night (I will refer to this analogy later). The point is: one can only see the moon when sunlight reflects off of it (I think that’s how the moon’s brightness works; all I know is that the sun’s light is involved lol). Therefore, the effects of Hinata’s presence and his “shine” has affected Tsukishima so much that he is able to shine even “in the night”. So besides Kageyama and perhaps Kenma, Tsukishima is one of the people to be most affected by Hinata’s personality.

APPEARANCE | Okay, now I’m going to talk about Hinata’s appearance. He’s short, he has orange hair, and always has the brightest smile on his face. Except when he has to make a point like “We haven’t won yet,” where he’s got that awfully creepy and sinister smile on his face. But I’m going to get back to that. First- his height. When we first get to know Hinata, the very first note of his height is where he stands at 162.8 cm/5’4 ft. (April 2012). He’s as tall as I am! But he’s not tall enough for volleyball, and he is constantly looked down (literally and metaphorically) for that fact. His opponents, and even his teammates, don’t realize the hidden potential that hides within Hinata. So it becomes ironic when there are people who are taller than Hinata, and they “look up” to him. Notably, Hyakuzawa. During the first-year’s training camp in Season 4/To The Top (AKA Ball Boy Arc), there’s a scene in which Hyakuzawa is sitting on the ground while leaning against the wall. He’s looking up at Hinata, who stands in front of him. He tells Hinata that he should have been invited instead of him, which is very ironic because when Karasuno played against his school (I don’t remember which school oops), he was seen as this very intimidating guy despite his lack of experience. Anyways, the point is - despite Hinata’ s height, he makes up for it with ability and talent, to which others who are much taller than he is are just in awe, and perhaps jealous, that he could go past this misfortune of his and strengthen his other skills instead.

ELEMENTS OF HORROR | “We haven’t won yet,” Hinata says, with the most sinister smile on his face. No, man, it’s not sinister. He’s just in the moment. Of course, he doesn’t mean to pull off that kind of scary face, it’s not in him. Yet the face he makes, along with the tone of voice he uses when saying those four words, just gets people. It chills them right to the bone because it’s so unlike Hinata yet it is so like Hinata. He is the type of person to persist on and encourage himself and others just by saying “We haven’t won yet,” but he doesn’t make that type of face. So… why does he make that type of face? The reason is the author’s choice. Furudate loves horror and drew Hinata’s face with a sinister expression. That’s the simple reason, but I believe there is so much more to that. Furudate could have based his entire style on a horror-like manga, despite it being quite out-of-place as it is a manga about volleyball, but if that’s what he wants, that’s what he wants. However, he chose to draw that particular scene with a horror-type feel because that’s what the others see. That’s what everyone who watched Hinata say those four words saw. His expression, his eyes… everything about it chilled them to the bone and Furudate wanted it to make it clear to the reader that that’s how we are supposed to perceive his words. Because if he drew it any other way, it would have come off as Hinata jumping up and down exclaiming with a super-happy voice, “We haven’t won yet! Let’s keep going, guys!” But no- it’s supposed to be creepy because everyone else saw it as creepy.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

SPOILER WARNING! | This section is very spoiler-heavy! Please don’t read this section if you do not want to be spoiled for the outcomes of the nationals!

THE BALL BOY ARC | I will be covering Hinata’s character development all throughout season 4 because I think that this is the most important development to Hinata’s character. I’ll begin with the Ball Boy Arc, where Hinata must swallow his pride after entering the first-year training camp uninvited. Of course, Hinata had good intentions when he arrived, but he did not realize the consequences of his actions. Before, when he heard that Kageyama and Tsukishima were invited to these training camps, the first thought that ran through Hinata’s mind was “Why wasn’t I invited?” Yes, Hinata realizes his strength and the growth he has made throughout the time he had been practicing volleyball, but it seemed to him that he just wasn’t good enough. Upon arriving at the training camp, Coach Washijo immediately denies him to practice with the rest and so Hinata swallows his pride and announces himself as only the ball boy, nothing more. This is important because he is actually telling everybody there that he really just is not good enough.

KAGEYAMA’S SUPPORT | Coach Washijo tells Hinata that he is no good without the support of Kageyama. This comes across as a slap to the face for the poor boy, but I believe the coach told him this for two reasons. One, Washijo does not want to admit to the fact that Hinata is definitely strong and is an amazing player, but, two, Hinata is not strong without Kageyama and so he therefore cannot participate in a camp where Kageyama is not there to support him. This opens up Hinata’s eyes and he realizes that he must not rely on Kageyama all the time; after all, Kageyama is his rival. I don’t know if I’m right on this, but this is one of the two times where Hinata trains and learns without Kageyama’s help. The other time was when he practiced with Coach Ukai, the senior. If I’m wrong, please let me know!

HINATA’S COLLAPSE | Progressively throughout Season 4 we see that Hinata gains lines under his eyes. I saw two twitter posts that mention these- the first about how they could be “crow’s feet,” and the second about how they are lines of exhaustion. I agree with the second post. Throughout the season we observe how hard Hinata works and that sometimes he pushes his limits. He calls his coach to ask him about what he should eat, but I don’t know if we ever see him eat what Ukai tells him to eat. If we do… then, okay then. Lol. Anyways, not only are his eating habits being rearranged, it is also assumed that Hinata bikes home very late at night every day during the training camp at Shiratorizawa. He goes home with his heart pumping so he probably goes to sleep at an even later time. So Hinata also has a bad sleep schedule, and you know how hard it is to try and revert a bad sleep schedule… Hinata is also shown at times during nationals to be wide awake at night. With this, we can tell that he is exhausted. He is tired and in need of a rest. But he doesn’t give himself a rest, because all he wants is to prove to others, and himself, that he is good. And this leads to his downfall- his collapse in the middle of the Kamomedai VS Karasuno game. Hinata catches a fever all because he couldn’t take good care of himself. It’s so unfortunate, but it’s another wake-up call for Hinata that tells him that good things take time to come. He can’t magically hone his skills overnight.

THE FINAL ARC

THIS IS IT. IT’S REALLY THE END. | Ah, the final arc. We are so close to the end of Haikyuu!! and it makes me so sad to think about it every time. The final arc is the last match of the game. It is no coincidence that it is the last time we see Hinata use the restroom before the game. It is also no coincidence that many things that happened during Hinata’s first game are happening as well - Hinata meets Kageyama again at the restroom, he breathes in the smell of icy-hot spray, and, of course, he is going against Kageyama. That’s just awesome. But… he is not only going against Kageyama, he’s also going against Ushijima Wakatoshi and Hoshiumi Korai. This is no mere coincidence. These three people are all Hinata’s rivals. He declared one way or another that he would beat each of them and become the greater person. Hinata told Kageyama that he would, one day, beat him in a game. Hinata told Ushijima that he would beat Shiratorizawa and move onto nationals. I don’t remember if Hinata ever told Hoshiumi if he would beat him in a game one day, but we know for a fact that Hoshiumi did, at least in his mind. Let’s not forget how Hoshiumi really thought, “I’ve waited years for this day, Hinata Shoyo!!” Before the final game.

TEAMMATES: PAST AND PRESENT | I also want to mention the “commentators” for this match as well as some of Hinata’s teammates. In every game that we read/watch in Haikyuu!!, there is at least one person outside of the game who commentates on their perspective of what is going on in the game. We are not only getting the action, but also the analysis. In the final match, we are getting the commentary from Hinata’s teammates. We are finally getting their perspective in the game and how they perceive everyone’s actions. I just thought that was really cool since they were Hinata’s teammates- we never got the chance to hear their opinions about the game as an outsider. We also have some of Hinata’s teammates, Bokuto Koutarou, Miya Atsumu, and Sakusa Kiyoomi. I specifically want to talk about Bokuto and Atsumu, since the only reason I believe Sakusa was placed in the MSBY Jackals was so we could see his own ability because we never got to see him play in high school. Besides the Little Giant, I don’t know if there was any other person that Hinata looked up to more than Bokuto. I think it was great for Furudate to place Bokuto on Hinata’s team because it’s sort of a teacher-student moment where the teacher has to play with his disciple. I also think Furudate made the smartest choice to place Miya on this team as well because it shows that Kageyama is not the only one to perform a quick attack with Hinata. Having Miya on this team provides two things- it becomes a “battle of the setters” between Miya and Kageyama, and we see that Hinata has grown to adapt to perform well with other setters. It’s great character development on Hinata’s part because we see that he has definitely moved past the “he’s no good without Kageyama” thing back in high school. Good for him!

RIVALRY | Anyways, with a little analysis on Hinata’s team, we move on to the opponents. The big three opponents are, of course, Kageyama, Ushijima, and Hoshiumi. It’s a really good thing that Furudate placed these three on a team together (Talking about Romero makes their team even more OP so we’re just gonna set him aside for right now, haha) because it’s a test of Hinata’s ability. We get to see the rematch of the century, since each of Hinata’s rivals have wished for a rematch against him. Hinata lost to Kageyama’s team back in middle school, so now we wonder if Hinata could beat Kageyama now. We know that Ushijima lost to Hinata, but since he declared that he would beat Hinata in the future, we also wonder if Hinata could win against him, this time without the help of his teammates back in Karasuno. Lastly, Hinata collapsed in the middle of the match against Kamomedai, so we do not know for sure if Hinata could have won against Hoshiumi. All of these questions that we have for these three rivals will be cleared in this match; we get to see if Hinata will win in the end. We will learn if Hinata has truly become stronger. This match will let Hinata examine his current self and if his skills now can finally win against Kageyama, Ushijima, and Hoshiumi. It’s sort of like the “final exam” for Hinata’s strength.

Alright, that’s all I have to say! If you read all of this... then wow. I am in awe. Thank you for reading! I really enjoyed writing something like this. I was writing like the end of the world was coming. If you liked this, please let me know! Disagreed with anything I said? That’s fine, let’s respectfully discuss! Thanks!

#haikyuu!!#hinata shouyou #hinata shoyo #cadekagi

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wanderleave · 4 years

Photo

For tumblr user @stoprobbers, who is one of the best people to know for many reasons, some of which include: procurement of whisky whilst one is extremely jet lagged, photoshop skills on top of photoshop skillz involving a certain Swayze movie, and generally being all around wonderful. Happy birthday, friend!

In hindsight, Joyce realizes, she should have seen it coming.

She hadn’t questioned Nancy coming with them to the cabin, only realizing weeks later how tightly her older son had clung to the girl in the frantic moments of heat and terror. Joyce had had other things on her mind, like Will, and dealing with the lab, and pulling down the veritable miles of paper lining the house.

And Will.

Nancy being around constantly had felt like a natural progression, welcomed into their family with one stab of a poker.

Jonathan had never said the words to her, “Mom, Nancy’s my girlfriend now,” but Joyce has eyes. She can see what’s going on, even if it ends up being too much for her to handle both her younger son’s recovery and her oldest’s first relationship at the same time.

Something had to give. And Jonathan had always been independent, she tells herself.

But now that the days are warming even as the nights are still cold, Joyce finds herself with a moment to stop and breathe. To lie flat on her back in her bed, stare up at the ceiling, and not worry, even if only for a matter of minutes.

And that’s when she hears it.

She’ll give them credit, it’s soft. But the high pitched giggle coming from the other side of the wall most certainly did not come from her son.

Joyce edges closer to the wall, pressing her ear up against it, even as the thought crosses her mind that she may not want to hear what follows the giggle. But it’s just murmurs, the hint of voices, low and warm.

But even without the distinction of words, she can tell.

They’re happy.

Joyce can’t take that away from them. At least, not now.

She shuffles back down the bed, throwing a hand up to switch off the lamp, and just in case, pulling a pillow over her head, to block out any other giggles. She’ll leave them to their happiness.

Until tomorrow.

She’ll be kind about it. She knows what her own parents would have done—had done—slam the door open, catch them in the act, send Nancy scrambling out the window into the night.

Joyce knows what will come of that, from experience. More sneaking, more lying, and it’ll be the first step in a journey that leads to her losing Jonathan, maybe forever.

Instead, she’ll get on their level. A heart to heart.

She’ll be their friend.

Make them understand. That she understands them. That she knows what it’s like.

They’ll see it from her point of view, she knows it.

It’s a foolproof plan.

Joyce wakes earlier than usual, and spends most of the morning taking care of the little things that usually fall to the rushed moments—she finds her keys, shoved deep inside her coat pocket. Does her usual customary check on Will, her heart jumping into her throat when she finds his bed empty, before she remembers he spent the night at Dustin’s. (Suppresses the urge to check up on him. They’d call if something was wrong.)

And then she sits at the kitchen table, sets her coffee next to her. And waits.

It takes longer than usual for Jonathan to emerge, even for a Saturday morning.

Joyce hears the murmurs first. Then a laugh—Jonathan this time—followed by a shushing noise that must be from Nancy. A low rumble, and then the door opens.

“I told you, no one’s ho—”

Joyce coughs.

She can see Jonathan’s eyes widen, as he stops mid-stride, catching sight of her. He reverses course, stepping backwards, pushing the door closed with a snap.

There’s only silence.

Joyce sighs.

“Jonathan, can I talk to you out here?” she calls, folding her hands.

“Just a second, Mom!”

She can hear scurrying, frantic whispers. The window opening, hitting the top of the frame.

“Nancy, you too.”

The scurrying stops. Joyce can almost see them, frozen, the wordless conversation they’re having, trying to figure out if she’s bluffing or not. The whispers start again, more forceful this time, before the window slides slowly shut. The door opens again, just a crack, Nancy’s eyes peering around it this time.

Joyce takes a sip of her coffee.

The door clicks shut again.

It’s ten minutes later when it opens for the third time, Jonathan edging into the hallway, his eyes on the ground, his hand entwined with Nancy’s, who seems to be dragging her feet.

Joyce smiles benevolently, gestures to the two chairs in front of her. “Have a seat.”

The two teenagers walk slowly down the hall, not meeting her eyes. Joyce feels a little pang of hurt—surely they don’t think she’s about to yell at them—and then remembers her own terror, echoing through the years.

They don’t know that she’s on their side.

She’ll set their minds at ease.

As they settle themselves across from her at the kitchen table (they never let go of each other’s hands, not once, Joyce notices), she takes one last sip of coffee, then pushes the mug aside, examining their faces, Jonathan’s gaze on the table, his face contorted, Nancy watching her warily.

Joyce takes a deep breath.

“I want you—”

Jonathan cuts her off. “Mom—”

She silences him with an outstretched hand. He glances over at Nancy, then back at her. Joyce smiles, again. She’s their friend, she reminds herself.

“I want you both to know how happy I am for you,” she begins. Jonathan’s face becomes less of a grimace, and his eyes lift slightly, flicking up and back down, as if he’s tentatively hopeful about what she’s going to say.

Nancy remains wary.

It’s a start.

“I care about both of you. And I want you two to know that I’m here.”

Nancy’s face relaxes a little, and her head turns ever so slightly toward Joyce, as Jonathan begins to calm, his eyes meeting hers, with only the slightest hint of trepidation.

Taking heart from these encouraging steps, Joyce keeps going.

“I know what it’s like to want to spend time together. And Nancy, you know I love having you around. You’ve been such a help to Jonathan—to me.” Joyce watches as the panic starts to fade in Jonathan’s eyes, and knows she’s on the right track.

“But.”

The panic returns, and Joyce rushes on.

“We need to recognize that there are certain rules, rules that I haven’t really needed to lay out until now.”

Jonathan blinks. Nancy coughs.

“But with your help, I think we can have a dialogue about building a respectful environment where we can all trust each other. Specifically, in this house.”

They both look confused, Joyce notes. Perhaps she’s gone too high? She decides to bring it back down—to their level.

“I know how hard it can be. I was a teenager in this town once too, remember. And trust me, we didn’t have half the options you kids have now. The Hawk wasn’t there, Benny’s—or whatever they’re calling it these days. We had the woods.”

Jonathan frowns, ever so slightly.

“And don’t think I don’t know what goes on at the quarry. It had only just opened in my day—”

“Oh my god,” Jonathan says.

“—so when I say I understand, I really do.”

“Mom.”

Nancy’s eyes are wide, but she looks like she’s fighting a smile. Joyce can only assume that she gets it—that she understands that Joyce is there to be their friend—and plunges onward. Nancy’s on her side. She’s on Nancy’s side.

“And I know you two want to be together. And I won’t be like my parents, I’m not here to yell, or scream. But I think that we can all work to have a conversation about boundaries, and respect, and what it’s like to be an adult. You’re growing up. I can’t stop that. But I know we can get through this. Together.”

She extends her hand across the table with an inviting smile, nodding at Jonathan to take it.

“I’m gonna take Nancy home now,” he says abruptly, standing in one swift, decisive movement, pulling Nancy with him. (Their fingers are still intertwined, Joyce notes with fondness.) “She won’t come back ever again, I promise.”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” she exclaims after their retreating forms. “I want us to have a conversation! A dialogue!”

“Oh my god,” Jonathan says again, tugging on Nancy so that she’s forced into a little bit of a run as he reaches the front door.

“Thank you, Mrs. Byers,” Nancy calls lightly as she’s dragged along.

The door slams behind them.

It’s late by the time Jonathan comes home, late enough that Joyce has already shut her door, already looked in on Will, making sure that he’s tucked into his bed. She thinks about getting up, knocking on his door, trying to continue the conversation, and then dismisses the thought. He’s had enough for one day.

She can hear Jonathan shuffling around his room, but he seems to be alone, and Joyce smiles in the knowledge that the conversation had been a fruitful one.

But as she pulls back the blanket, she hears the window slide up.

A thump.

And murmurs.

Against her better judgement, Joyce reaches for the empty glass of water at the side of her bed, and places it against the wall.

“—are you doing here?”

“Your mom never actually said I couldn’t come over. She just said she wanted to have a conversation, whatever that means,” Nancy says, sounding slightly out of breath.

“It means you’re not supposed to come over.”

“Well, I disagree.”

The window slides shut.

“Nancy, I don’t—”

“Jonathan, I can handle your mother. What I can’t handle is what would happen is if my mother caught you in my room. Imagine that conversation.”

Joyce almost laughs, despite herself.

“I just . . . I know you sleep better with me here,” Nancy continues, her voice quieter. “I know you think you’ve all gotten over what happened in November, but I see what you’re like when I don’t spend the night. And . . . well. I sleep better with you too.”

There’s a long silence with no response from her son, but eventually Joyce can hear blankets rustling, the sounds of settling.

“Plus,” Nancy says, sounding closer, “if you’re worried about your mom catching us, I can promise you there’s no way we’re having sex tonight after climbing through that window, I’m exhausted. Next time you’re sneaking me through the front door like usual.”

Jonathan laughs, and then exhales. “I feel bad, though. After all she’s been through, and now she’s got . . . us to worry about.”

There’s a short pause, and then Nancy muses, slowly, “I don’t think she’s worried. I think she’s your mother, and she has to . . . well, be a mother. But I think she’s on our side, I really do.”

Joyce smiles to herself.

“Now,” Nancy says, sounding muffled, “can we please go to sleep? I’m going to have to wake up early to get out of here before your mom notices me again.”

“Stay as long as you want, Nancy!” Joyce calls through the wall.

She rolls over, and turns out the light.

#stranger things #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #jancy #someone wanted joyce's heart to heart since she seemed so 'knowledgeable' when talking to hopper #this is what came out #i wish it was better but you know what it also is?#done #and specifically done in time #enjoyyyyy #fanfiction

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