#but now it's just. what game are we on??? 4? i don't know
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E̴N̴T̴W̴I̴N̴E̴D̴ - Series - Part 6
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x f/reader
Warnings: Context and then some well-deserved smut, filthy stuff wink wink
Notes: Sorry for not posting but I work F, S, and S 8hrs so here it is!Thank you all for reading, you truly make my day with the likes
WC: 5.6K
Suddenly a good selection of paintings inside the museum made perfect sense. The way the people in the paintings showed their physical affection, the way the sculptures were exceptionally objective with their sculpted fingers gripping legs and arms and oh-so-loving embraces. It made sense to you, after all this time. Erotism.
“The more you stare at it, the more you’ll raise suspicion”
You turned and looked at his tall figure, Benedict was quick to offer you his arm “Isn’t it the opposite?”
“Not quite. People who don’t understand it walk fast and prefer to admire fruit bowls than this” he pointed at the painting “but people who do get it… they admire” he sighed “after all. That’s what you do with art”
“And what if they knew I understand this?” You shrugged “It is like you said… are they going to make us marry? We have the leverage”
Benedict chuckled at your joke "You using the power game here is..." he sighed looking forward "Making me want to do this with you"
You eyed the sculpture of a naked man embracing a woman, his palm resting on top of her breast, the other one resting on her navel... resting? No, perhaps he was going southern to her-
"And still, even if you have a respectful air of confidence I still make you blush. Oh, Lady Danbury"
You blinked away, the blood all around your face being mentally pushed by you so you could face Lady Danbury and her soft yet harsh eyes if that makes any sense "Lady Danbury"
"You pair of doves" she smiled, "I thought you knew better than staring at these cultures far too long"
"I told you so" he whispered in your ear
"Well, Lady Danbury isn't this art to be admired?"
She ticked with her tongue, her cane softly touching your dress "If I didn't know, I would say you and Eloise are twins..." she then frowned looking at Benedict "Do not make fret about it"
"I'll make sure to ignore that"
"Now" she came closer, a hand resting on your back quite tightly "Ready for tomorrow?"
"Sure" you both replied
"I expected more enthusiasm from two people who clearly decided not to follow courtship rules"
"Since when you follow them neat and clear, Lady Danbury?" Benedict teased
"Since our Queen expressed to me that your underground engagement was not keen to her eyes"
"Underground?" Benedict's brows joined "Then what is tomorrow if not a public gathering about it?"
"Your intentions my dear artist were not clear and a man paid for it" She gave one nod "And you are not off the hook, Miss Ashbourne"
"Hmmmm, you sound like my Mama, Lady Danbury"
"And I can imagine what she said to you but at least I had to tell you... you know? Make sure that you know your thing as romantic as it is, it was seen as a surreptitious thing to do. Now, I'll go and you two move from this sculpture, the next thing we don't need is you two to reenact it!"
You saw her walking and how quickly a nobleman was ready to talk to Lady Danbury, you turned to Benedict who was pouting just so slightly.
"Did she just say surreptitious?"
"I don't know brother"
Benedict's face contorted and his eyes glinted with mischief "Oh, please do not. My ears are bleeding"
The day was merely a breeze, compared to the avalanche you believe tomorrow will be. Of course, everyone was invited, the Queen the exception because well... it is not like she helped the match to happen. You did that by yourself. When night became day you followed your morning, you bathed until your skin was wrinkled like a raisin and your hair smelled like a complete bar of soap.
"Tighter"
"Mama"
"Tighter" she refused to let you have some piece "Tighter, girl" she ordered your Lady and you felt your ribcage extremely squeezed "Good" Your Mama stood behind you and stared at your figure "Your father and I haven't talked too much but I know he is quite involved in this, he will have things settled with Mr Bridgerton by no less than before the party ends"
"Alright?" you stared at her eyes but she avoided them "You are still vexed with me?"
"When I see you all dressed in white it will pass, now... tighter"
"No, MamaAaAaouch!"
You could not move as much from your torso and your rapid breathing was not noticeable still you managed to welcome each one from the ton with a wide smile, after all, this was an engagement party for you.
"Lady Danbury, you are glowing"
"Why thank you and you're so... straight, Miss Ashbourne. Lady Ashbourne, a moment?"
You saw your mother leave and that was as if God allowed you to breathe for a second -trying to at least-. The Garden of your house is now decorated with cream and pastels, bushes holding garlands of pearls, tables filled with delicate pastries and-
"Boo!"
You flinched and balanced yourself only to see his clear eyes wrinkling as he laughed "He-"
"Benedict" however it was Violet who went straight to scold the twenty-eight-year-old man winking at you now "Manners, she is your fiancé"
"Indeed" You followed the game but smiled at him in return, your eyes went to the real ton of the evening, all the Bridgertons looking like they always do, stunning. "Lady Bridgerton" but your eyes danced to Kate who quickly shook her head at you and you understood "Lady Bridgerotn" you once called
Violet smiled at you, her kind eyes shining "My dear, you look radiant as always but today..."
"Oh thank you"
"She looks like a bride, right?" Anthony was quick to join
"No, more like a china doll" Hyacinth corrected but Eloise elbowed her
"Thank you Anthony and thank you Hyacinth. Please, there are refreshments, you all can sit down and have a good time"
You watched them go, and then turned to see Benedict still looking at you, you tilted your head and he walked toward you, his hands in his pockets.
"Are you having fun?"
"What do you think?"
His hand went to your dangling earrings and then moved a curl from your face "If I die right now, I'd depart knowing I've witnessed the most enchanting work of art ever created"
The already constricted chest you have due to the corset felt like fire with his words "Thank you, but you won't die now"
"Life is short"
"Not that short for you to die in your engagement party"
"Then marry me now"
"Right"
"Is that a yes?" he murmured and then leaned down kissing your cheek, you sighed closing your eyes and taking a deep breath "Hmm?"
"Yes" You saw him lean back to his place, the violin in the background could not make you flinch nor the chatting could make your ears pierced. What sorcery was this? You could only stay put and see him
"Brother"
You snapped back to see Anthony and blinked away "Lord Bridgerton... I believe your Brother needs you, Mr. Bridgerton"
he grunted, "I love you Anthony but why?"
Anthony so gallantly with a hand on his side palmed Benedict "Business I'm afraid, it won't take that much"
"If it does, I'll send Eloise and she'll throw a book at him"
You both chuckled, you did not move from your place, your Mama did not let you, you saw Eloise coming from the distance and Benedict was nowhere to be seen.
"You look like a statue, a very uncomfortable one"
"I feel like one"
Eloise sighed and leaned on her shoulder "So..."
"So"
"We haven't talked"
"Not because of me"
"Hey, give me some rights..."
"Like?"
"I am the sister, and oh my your sister-in-law, future sister-in-law"
"I love the enthusiasm, El"
"You know I mean well, after all, you are my girl just like Pen who is... eh"
You knew better than to talk so you moved your hand to allow her the stage for the monologue you knew she would throw.
"I mean" she inhaled "Do you, no, did you imagine kissing my brother every time we went out together?"
"El"
"Just answer, you know how this goes"
"No, I did not" you admitted "Especially not the first years"
"That would have been alarming"
"Yes... and I found those sentiments not that long ago but strong. Does that make sense?"
"No, yet I believe you"
"Thanks"
She grabbed your arm "Come on now, let us join Francesca"
"What about Pen?"
"Eh let her do her own thing"
Anthony was lying. Benedict went away and returned before the party finished, some minutes to spare for some dancing couples still taking advantage of the sunny day above them.
"Why haven't we danced?" you inquired and he turned around to see you a slight seriousness on his face "What's the matter?"
"Nothing, it is just that..." his hand caressed your chin and then the palm of his hand went up until it cupped your face, his thumb caressing your cheekbone "I missed you"
"Liar"
He shrugged and looked to the dance floor "We haven't have we? Danced"
"No, now that I think about it we haven't"
"Excluding those small dancing sessions with the family..." he muttered
"So now you also want to save a second thing until marriage?"
He saw your smirk and grinned back "I will only save one thing until marriage and I won't tell you what"
"And I won't ask"
"Dance with me then"
You nodded and he grabbed your hand, the way the wind was moving the tree branches, the birds singing... everything was perfect, the sky was the shade of his eyes, the flowers contrasted with his pale skin and finally you danced. You don't remember why on heavens you haven't shared a proper dance not even during innocent times, perhaps those dancing sessions with the Bridgertons but his hands never landed on your back nor his eyes were fixated on yours like now.
Your hands never surrounded him with intensity like now, your mind was never filled with loving thoughts and passions -maybe except from the last year to the present time-.
"What are you thinking?"
"Your eyes"
"Ohhh?"
"I swear I saw the sky and then I looked into your eyes and I thought..." you smiled, your heart beating rapidly, "I thought... there is not much difference"
Benedict blushed, a thing he has mastered not to feel bad about "You're just making me go all mellow on you"
"Afraid of a lady paying compliments?"
"No, I am just afraid of what my body does when it's near the woman who is paying me the compliment"
You swallowed and stared at his face, his hand caressing your spine, your other hand resting on top of his shoulder "Do it then. We were cut hours ago"
"By my lovely brother"
"Is everything alright with... whatever that was?"
He exhaled "Well, if you want to know I will tell you but what if I tell you tonight?"
"Another adventure through back gardens and brandy?"
"You said it better than I could. Come here"
He stopped dancing to the harmony of the violins and flutes. In a second he gave you the sweetest close-mouthed kiss. You felt tingling for a brief moment, you smelled his cologne and felt the softness of his lips.
You smiled like an idiot. Yes, an idiot you called yourself because you couldn't believe this was happening. You couldn't believe the feeling. It was a mix of everything.
By the time the party ended, you gave your farewell to everyone invited. Still, the party was not kind to your mother's mood, her frown kept crippling now and then, triggered by your closeness and unfortunately the collateral damage, your father's.
However, things ran smoothly and you dismissed your two ladies who were quick to go to the servants' chambers for the rest of the day. You did not change attire and still with some light from the twilight, you bravely walked through the back gardens of the houses.
Before your knuckles could touch the door it opened, Benedict still not changed from his black suit was smiling.
"Did you know I was coming?"
"I did not but I was hoping"
You nodded and walked in, he closed the door "Thank you"
"So" he spun in his heels "I must confess something"
"Yes?"
"I have some work I must finish before we talk and... talk"
"Oh, that's alright I must also confess I'm rather curious about this place"
"Please feel free to explore. It is yours"
You saw him leave with an air of madness, but of course, you knew better than cutting his thread when he had that look. So curiosity got the best of you, the living room had a fireplace and a portrait of the whole family.You went upstairs to the hall and saw that there was a door to another studio this one amazingly empty that made you chuckle. Benedict was never one for bookkeeping, files or forms so this room being clean is exceptionally him. His office is the art studio.
You smiled and before turning away you spotted the mirror on top of the fireplace, you looked the same as this morning with more curls out of your hairstyle yet the same. Your hands however found a fight of their own as your fingers tried to unclasp the buttons of your dress, the damned corset was pressuring you too much. You managed to unbutton it, the sleeves were the problem as you couldn't reach it from your position, you took a deep breath and sighed, your back arching and you saw him through the mirror.
"high!" you flinched and lost balance when you swore you were going to feel the hit on your bum you opened your eyes to see him holding you
"What on earth?" he chuckled
"Hi!" you smiled back "you scared me"
"And you scared me"
"How?"
"I heard silence... silence with you in this place" he pulled you up with him, grunted as he tried to balance your rigid back "Everyone knows that you love creating racket"
"Hey"
"Even if it is just humming a song" he brushed your sleeves "So why are you getting naked in this studio?"
"I am not getting naked, my corset is too tight. Has been like so all day and my chest feels like it's going to explode. Help me please?"
You turned around and he undid your dress, the sleeves falling off, the corset's laces were visible yet he hummed "How?"
"How?"
"It is well-knotted"
"Have you never untied one?"
Benedict bit his tongue. He has seeing corsets but the women never have asked him to remove it or sometimes they don't wear one at all.
"Not... quite"
"Un-knotted" you instructed "try each loop to loosen it"
You felt some movement behind, you moved at his weird shaking of you "there" he said "done"
But the corset was the same you could feel it "No, it is still tied"
"No, I..." he humemd "Oh I untied the sides"
"No that only for decor"
"Noted, so the middle"
"Yes the middle!" you shriek
"Alright Alright..." he stood silent again and sighed "wait here"
"Wha- Benedict you only need your hands!"
"I will be right back!"
"Oh Lord"
"Here" he said
But you frowned at the sound, like knives or... "No, Benedict! Bene-"
"Ahhhhhhh" he exhaled relieved "Done!"
You turned around with the coldest glare you have ever done in your life "Really?"
"What?"
"You cut my corset"
"Horrible corset, ribcage-breaker if you ask me"
"Bu-"
"And you hate it too, I do not know where this affection is coming from"
He was right, your chest felt better and his adorable innocent smile was melting you away "Thank you"
"Always, now... what to do with this?" he pointed at you
"I have my camisole here, you can go now to your work"
Benedict pointed with his finger "I thought you knew I came for you"
"You told me you had work"
"The most infuriating thing I have ever said in my life. Forgive me for that"
"So there is no work?"
"There is, plenty. Loads. But you are here with a broken corset. Call me juvenile but not an idiot, my love"
You rolled your eyes "Fine. Take it away and burn it"
"Aye Aye Captain"
Carefully you slid your arms out of the tiny puffed sleeves and then with his help your broken corset was gone leaving your cotton camisole on. Your hands cupped your breast feeling how the tightness made you sore.
"What's wrong?" he asked behind you
"It hurts... like a lot"
"What?"
"My breasts"
"Well, they're finally free"
"No they are not!" you said turning around "see?" and saw his grin "Oh, I know what you did"
"You turned, not me" he tried not to look down the thin camisole so he instead focused on the two orbs on your face "Are you fine wearing your gown? I can lend you some clothes"
"Like what? Do you have spare woman's gowns here?"
"No, but I can find something, let's see"
"Benedict you don't need to do that, I will be fine"
"Well, I can't have you naked"
"I have a camisole and a dress"
"You are not sleeping in that" he said leaving you again in the studio, you turned around to see your reflection in the mirror and saw how your hair was starting to fall, the pins around your curls as well dropping and your camisole exposing just a tiny pigment of your ni-
"Here!" he exclaimed and entered the room with a pile of clothes "I know you hate wool, flannel is too hot so cotton it is"
"Thoughtful" you took the ample cotton shirt. The flounce long sleeves and the collar made you know this one was a hunting shirt "thank you"
"I'll leave you to it, I will..." he walked to the door but then gave one step backwards "unless you want me to-"
"Me? want to...?"
"I meant that- well, me here-"
"Oh, it's-"
"Fine, yes I'll go"
The awkward moment was cut with him closing the door as you usually let yourself change. Your garters holding your stockings and the camisole away made you look like one of those illustrations you found under your father's desk. You however decided to wear Benedict's hunting shirt, your slender arms too fragile for the flouncing sleeves and your collarbone too narrow for the shoulder-width.
Was it too untoward of you?
"Oh for heaven's sake," you muttered
Isn't this enough? too proper all the time? You have been raised in the rules of the time, clear as water you understand them but you are going to be living behind closed walls with a person who is like you. Why should you keep following them? They have domesticated you so well and here is Benedict who has been too -domesticated- but still you two gravitate to unchain yourselves.
"Why Am I thinking so much about the camisole?"
You opened the door of the studio and heard nothing, however as you descended the staircase you started to hear the brushstrokes, the dipping into the water, the brush getting dried with a cloth and a sudden gulp, Brandy it must be.
You reached the art studio and peaked inside, Benedict was facing back at you, the easel with a canvas was ready and his paint pallet was in front of him, the glass full of a golden liquid. You knocked on the door and he turned around.
It was not your intention -you told yourself- the brandy went to his lungs and he coughed at the sight of you. You took the slight moment as advantageous and you moved to the couch where he had put some pillows, you sat and stared at him as he drank from the glass, the amber liquid sliding down his neck.
"That bad?" you asked
"No" he rasped and cleared his throat "not at all. I... think I died and came back with the sight of you"
"You're such a charmer, Mr. Bridgerton"
"That's why I'm not the one who will inherit the title" he joked "I hope you don't mind"
"The title?" you snorted "as if... although now that I put more thought into it... I think my Mother is quite frustrated about it... with Lord Coxingworth being left aside"
Benedict left his glass on a stool and moved to the couch where you are but he sat down on the carpet instead "You are quite perceiving to form that conjecture"
"How so?"
"Your mother talked to me today"
Your blood, as hot as it was went cold "What?"
"Anthony needed me to talk with your parents about your dowry"
You sneered at the thought "I hate dowries"
"And I hate talking about them... but your mother seemed to love Lord Coxingworth and I can't blame her, the man has his charm"
"And he is a Lord"
"And he is a Lord" he repeated "But still, your father was trying to make everything run smoothly so I only nodded. Anthony will make sure to keep everything in place, after all, you will be part of the family. For me you already are"
"Hmmm"
"I was about to say I do not need the dowry but Anthony knew and did the talking"
Your eyes expanded "What?"
"I don't need a dowry is just money. A Business, as if this" he pointed to you and him "is business... it is not"
"You speak only the truth"
He grinned "Would you have taken the money?"
"Are you mad?"
"Imagine I am Benedictina!" he giggled, you slapped his leg with your foot "Hey! And you Mr. Ashbourne"
"Shush you"
"Would you have taken my dowry, my Lord?" he mocked
"Yes!" you laughed "Yes, to go to the coast of Italy and get some food and live there with your dowry Benedictina"
Benedict chortled loudly and hit your leg with his foot which you retaliated but he held it "Stop! You'll make me choke again!"
"Then let go of my leg!"
"You stop first!"
You stopped and looked at him, the fire in the fireplace behind him and the moonlight from the window making the scene even more dreamlike.
"Ben"
"Yes"
"Are you still certain about marrying me?"
He looked at your eyes and the way the firelight made them shine "More than ever. Why the question?"
you shrugged "I don't want you to feel rushed, perhaps Lord Coxingworth made you act fast and-"
"I know what you're saying" he nodded and took his tie from his neck and rolled it in his hand "but it was that or seeing you getting married to him which..." he pointed "It is not the only thing but it pushed me to do something which is the right thing to do"
"You better still think that" you hit his side with your foot again "because I will terrorize you if you ever point out it was rushed"
"I'll terrorize you back"
You sneered "I'll terrorize you further"
He straightened "I'll terrorize you harder"
"Harder?"
"Yes"
"You think you can"
"Oh I know"
"Bring it, Bridgerton"
He leaned in close, crawling on the couch until his hand touched your clothed calf, his lips inches from yours, the fire's heat behind him and the night sky shining through the window.
"I have a lot of ideas"
"I have some myself" you replied
"Is that so" he licked his lips
"Mhm"
"Then I'll start with this" he pecked your lips, once "Fight me" he kissed you, twice "Love me" he kissed you, thrice "Do it all together" and he kissed you again, his tongue tracing the seam of your mouth, your lips parted and let him in, his tongue was warm and his breath tasted like brandy and mint.
"And I will start," you said between kisses, his mouth was insatiable, your lips were swollen with his rapture "With this" your hands pulled the tie in his hand and pushed his torso forward, Benedict followed and he was on top of you, his weight pressing down but you loved it "Fight me" you kissed his neck and nipped his lobe, Benedict moaned and moved his lips down your jaw to your chin and then your neck, he was kissing and licking you "Love me" you tugged his hair, the moan reverberating against your neck, his teeth nibbling down to your collarbone "And do it all together"
His hands found the hem of his hunting shirt, your bare legs exposed with the pantalettes still around your body, his hands travelled up your thigh and cupped your ass, the touch burning against your skin. You could feel his fingers digging into your flesh even with the fabric against you.
His eyes as dark as they could be stared at your breathing chest, the small gap of his shirt showing your soft skin "Y/N... I need my shirt back"
"It looks good on me, doesn't it"
"Too good" he groaned as he kissed your collarbone, his hand travelling back to your leg and up to the inner thigh, your heart drummed in your chest, the air was getting thick and your core was getting wet "give it to me" he pleaded
You broke apart and nodded, why are you hiding? Your hands took the buttons in front and started to undo them, slowly and surely while he was waiting patiently, the shirt opened just to expose the middle of your torso and your navel.
"hey" he murmured looking down and up at you "You don't need to open it now"
"Then tell me why it feels alright doing it?" you said and your hands were quick to push the shirt down your arms leaving it forgotten, cornered by the couch that it might absorb it. Your eyes were glued however in the pulsating vein by his neck until his finger raised your chin
"You are still someone unable to be defined by a word" he whispered "beyond what the word beautiful means or any other"
You hummed unfit to say anything and you saw the delicacy of his touch. One of his hands was placed by the side of your head so he wouldn't fall on you, the other softly cupped your breast and traced the round shape. You could see the curiosity, his fingers pinching your nipple and you moaned "It's so soft" he mumbled "And this" he pinched the other nipple and felt it hardening under his palm "This is... everything I thought"
"Am I what you imagined me to be?"
"And more," he said and leaned down "Allow me"
"I-" but you were shushed by the erotic sound of a sucking noise, his lips latched onto your nipple, and you felt his tongue swirling around it and his teeth grazing your sensitive skin. You could feel him sucking the tender spot, the warmth spreading from the tips of your fingers to your toes and you moaned hard.
Benedict was delighted by the sound of your pleasure, his hand caressing the other breast, his thumb pressing the bud until you could only gasp, he stopped and moved to the other nipple.
"You're a tease"
"Let me play"
"Benedict" you groaned and arched your back to press your breast more against him. The scene was like the water you drink in the middle of the night, your mind could not process the moment and still, you could feel it all, your breast, the swelling too close to his face "oh"
Benedict however could not wait, he just couldn't. The sight of you, your warmth was inviting, more inviting than the day before, than any other thing he has done with, for, and by you. He pushed himself back, his hands travelled to your wait and hips and he left -agonizingly- your breasts now covered in his spit. His hands slid down to your thighs and opened them wider, he sat in his heels and took in the view of the most secretive part of your body -yet- he cursed at the pantalettes and then looked at you flushed, red and pink and all colours for him.
"Y/N..."
You saw he wanted to take them away and so you nodded. What could he do? You thought. He's done so much. He could do anything to you and you'd let him, and so his hand slipped into the sides of your undergarment and slid down your thighs. The air hit your exposed body, the wetness dripping from you and Benedict saw. He saw all.
"My goodness" he whispered, his hand trembling "Oh my goodness, Y/N"
You looked away, the sudden shyness taking over, and you could not look at him.
"Look at me" he commanded "Y/N"
"I-"
"Look at me"
Slowly you turned your face and saw his eyes. They were hungry, the pupils blown and his lips were swollen. You bit your lip and he hissed.
"What do you think?"
"You're divine, I can't- oh" his hands were caressing your thigh, his thumb rubbing circles around your inner thighs "You are... more than words can describe"
"Don't use words, please"
He chuckled "Very well" he grazed your folds with his finger and you welcomed it for the second time that "I'll kiss you"
Ignorantly, you plucked your lips and waited however the puck laste a second because you "Uuuuuh!" you flinched but Benedict held you in place.
The sole image of his face close to your core started to drive you insane "What-"
"Shush, honey"
Honey indeed as he kissed your wet core, his tongue explored you, the taste, the sensation, the feeling, he was addicted to you and the moans, the way your hips were starting to grind into his mouth were driving him insane. His hand held you down and his tongue explored, lapped and sucked, his nose nuzzled against your clit and the way his tongue slipped inside your hole, he could not help the groan, his own arousal was hurting him but he wanted you. All of you.
"Benedict!"
He knew what he was doing, the tip of his tongue was teasing the entrance, your juices dripping, the sound of his lips and tongue lapping at you echoed around the studio.
Perhaps you were moving too much you thought. You were squirming and this was not like when he put his fingers inside of you. This was something else, so dirty and so good. Your hips were on their own, you kept arching, buckling, squirming and his chestnut hair was the only thing you could see.
"Ben" you articulated "Ben"
But he roared like a lion, the vibrations sending you over the edge, his tongue was thrusting in and out, his nose brushing the bud of nerves and you cried. He gripped tighter, he was not letting go.
"Ben!" you cried, the sensation too much for your own survival that night and still you managed to say "Ke-keep... going-Ah"
He lost it with your taste that he swore he would never stop doing this, your cries, the stocking threatening to fall, your breasts heaving and your nipples swollen. He has found his place.
And it came, you came on his face as he travelled inside of you with his tongue, your walls clenching around his tongue and his thumb was pressing against the bud. You could feel your eyes rolling, black coming and vision returning. Still, Benedict kept taking all of you, licking you and tasting.
"Enou-Benedict-ah!" you moaned, his tongue still getting into you, his nose hitting your clit "I can't, ah!"
And until your last clenching that is when he stopped, like a madman he looked up to see the sweat on your face, your body twitching and your eyes unfocused.
"I told you" he breathed heavily, his chest also heaving, the bulge in his pants evident and he licked his lips "I'll devour you"
"Why on earth you didn't do that since the beginning?!"
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so like are the people behind garten of banban taking the games seriously anymore. genuine question
#pk;m electrochemistry🔴#I'm not hating on the series btw I'm just FASCINATED with what's going on#the first game we were like. ain't no way this is serious??? this has to be a joke#but like. in a derogatory way. negative way. we did not like it lmao#but now it's just. what game are we on??? 4? i don't know#but like. does anyone know what's up?? is this a joke or ??????#bc i am fucking Hooked like the series is...... it's not. Good? but it's certainly Intriguing.#i feel like it's a cash grab maybe it always has been i DON'T know. but I'm just.#what the fuck is happening. what's the Lore. both game-wise and behind the scenes.#i am watching this series liek a curious cat gently bapping at it with its paws. does tht make sense
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Welcome to the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger.
#Fear and Hunger#D'arce Cataliss#Cahara#Ragnvaldr#Enki Ankarian#Unlike Dungeon Meshi - I cannot in good faith recommend this game to a broad audience.#My background with F&H goes as follows: I am hanging out with a friend. He says “hey try this game I've been playing.” I say “Okay!”#I have never heard of this game. I pick the mercenary. I go through 5 min of character history and background. I am mauled to death by dogs#It took me 4 resets to even get in the dungeon. But I finally get there. I am caught by a guard. He cuts off all but one of my limbs#I am forced to crawl around in a blood and corpse pit until the game tells me 'give up idiot'.#I reset. I am mauled by dogs again. I realize this is not for me but I am intrigued enough to go home and watch some playthroughs#And WOW what an interesting game it is! I really do appreciate games that blend their design philosophy with the theme it wants to set#This is a game about fear and hunger. And persevering. And penis (my god is there a lot of penis)#I recommend this to people who like extremely challenging games and can handle the many *content warnings* within this series#If the idea of Bloodborne/eldenring and undertale having a little RPG maker baby sounds appealing to you - give it a shot#It's made by ONE GUY and it's a great horror game. I am just really bad at it.#My friends just enjoy putting me in situations where I scream and yell. We don't talk about the corn mazes. Or the other horror game nights#Apparently I'm funny when I'm Scared!#As people who follow me on twitter might know; I am deep in the pits of this series right now. I will be back with more art.
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listen I don't care what new lore nightbringer gives us or how it recontextualises the brothers' relationships
Mammon raised Satan and you pry this headcanon away from my cold dead hands!!
#I mean there's already contradictions since the flashback where mammon tells Luci that he made sure everyone is ok#and that he has no regrets about following him takes place in the HOL#but in nightbringer they start out living in the Damon lord's castle and then they move out#and by the time they're in the HOL they seem more settled than what that flashback implied#it would be weird for it to happen after because the brothers are acting mostly as we know them just less confident#they should still be grieving heavily if the flashback happens now#am I overthinking this? yes#has the story contradicted itself before? also yes!#but am I going to stop?#ABSOLUTELY NOT!#I haven't even decided in my mind if Satan formed as a full adult or a baby that grew really REALLY fast#but Mammon raised him and you cannot convince me otherwise!#I'm probably missing lore because I haven't even finished the main game yet and in nightbringer I'm on lesson 4 but I don't care!#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me satan#obey me mammon
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i'm really enjoying pathologic 2, actually. i mean, i didn't think i wouldn't enjoy it as much as i was worried it would just, i don't know, muddy the water. and maybe it will, but i'm not really bothered by that anymore. that said, i do think patho 2 took a fairly unsubtle game and increased its unsubtlety by about tenfold.
well. calling og pathologic 'unsubtle' doesn't feel quite right, but i'm not sure what word would feel right. maybe it's 'distinct in its sensibilities'. I think og patho felt more obtuse, whereas patho 2 is like. here. take it. do you get it. here is the information. do you see the themes. i am announcing them to you in such a way that you know that i am saying something thematic. i'm not far enough into the main story of 2 to be able to say that there's less reading between the lines, but it feels very much so far like there's less reading between the lines. whereas the original had a somewhat different... i don't know, affect? it felt like a hostile workplace where everyone recited shakespeare about even the mundane. in patho 2 nothing feels mundane in the first place, everything feels loaded in a way that og patho was but didn't feel, if that makes sense.
but i think that's okay. at the very least, it feels very much like leaning into the 'theater' aspect of it, which is enjoyable. pathologic 2 feels to me more like... bonus content? not to be Stuck Up For Pathologic HD but i enjoyed the feeling of grinding my face against a cinderblock, having to tease out information and conclusions. it felt like a game that you had to figure out, but you actually weren't really doing any ground-level figuring out of much; you're not a doctor, your character is, so the puzzle of Solving the Plague belongs to The Story, whereas the question of What the FUCK is This Town's Deal is your job. it's a very linear game in most respects, but all three playthroughs come through as a thematic package deal.
i so far get the impression that pathologic 2 can be played on its own and be enjoyed in its own right! however it exists to me as like. director's commentary. i'm really liking the playing with different character relationships and alternate things, the expanding of steppe language and the kin, love my worm guys, but i like it because of how it enriches my eternal mind rotation of og pathologic. sorry guys i played the original pathologic and it broke me and remade me in its image. sorry.
#sorry to be the quintessential 'guy who played pathologic and now doesn't stop thinking about pathologic'#i'm having a lot of fun trying all of the different things in marble nest though#i do worry in general that the inclusion of sprinting and fast travel will really fuck up my flow#the walking feels SO much slower now so while i was content to plod along in the original i feel like there's not a middle ground#so it feels a bit contrary to it all that i'm sprinting everywhere and just chugging bottles of water and calling it good#though at the very least it does seem like it will take some of the weight off of the 'route planning' aspect of the original#which was. honestly a load bearing part of... gestures vaguely#and i understand why people don't like it! i think that's a very reasonable thing to not like#having a game on a time limit that requires you to walk slowly across the map multiple times#i don't know what brainworms it activated in me but i quite enjoy it#on paper i should not like this game but here we are#that's not true. i play a lot of Bad To Play games for the story.#but 'guy who has no sense of time' playing 'time limit: the game' is... well i'm not arguing at the results#so that's my main Thing that i 'dislike' but even that word is too strong#i don't dislike it as much as i am keenly aware that i will have to play the game differently and i Don't Like Change lmao#that said these are preliminary impressions as i'm only about 4-5ish hours into the main game#pathologic
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it sucks to have to be scared to update the game, no matter the size of the update, because you have no idea if it's going to break your game or not (not to mention going through the process of updating your mods)
#sims rant incoming!#i think a lot of sims fans (regardless of the game(s) they're a fan of) are just tired#tired of updates breaking their sims / their saves / their cc#tired of ea releasing broken buggy messes and having the audacity to make us PAY just for something to not work#tired of simulation lag making the game unbearable (especially for lower end devices)#tired of bugs that cause sims to get stuck on top of furniture / eyebrows/hair colors to change randomly / sim faces getting warped#idk it just sucks so bad to be a sims fan bc the only thing holding this community (and the games themselves) together are the mods#without mods and cc the sims (especially 4) would be unplayable because of how boring it would be#having to have mods to fully disable pack/base game features because they're not even slightly tuned (think fears/dust/etc)#or alternatively having to have mods to add in certain features or make certain features work properly (or better)#tired of bugs NEVER getting fixed and being fully ignored for months or even YEARS#and they don't even tell us they know about it so they can get away with ignoring it for as long as possible#not to mention the fact that TO THIS DAY if you want lgbtq+ rep in your game you have to PAY for it bc none of the lgbtq+ sims are base gam#(unless they changed sexualities of base game townies and idk abt it)#idk overall the sims (specifically 4) feels like a dumpster fire#i personally have no interest in a sims 5 because whats the point#why are so many simmers willing to scoot all the shit thats happened with the sims 4 under the rug under the guise of the sims 5 being good#do we really think the sims 5 will be any better when half the decent features are locked behind packs#certain features people paid for in packs are now base game so what was even the point in paying (like hot tubs)#idk everything about the sims 4 and the way it's continuously handled is so poor that i have no hope for any good quality content#maybe we'll get a decent kit or stuff pack here and there#but if we can't even purchase them without an item FULLY WARPING your sims face (ON RELEASE MIND YOU) what is the goddamn point
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What do you know, I may be able to finish this project in a timely manner
#dudeeee I want to be done with this so so bad#this is what happens when you're actually busy with other stuff as well#you're better at time management#can't wait for this exam session to be over so I can 1) play some viddy games 2) start looking at these two new subjects#3) get back to music practice 4) discuss smt about my traineeship#my post#now back to half an hour of work and then to sleep#oh I should also read this article I saved a few days ago on network science and Bach's music#(which I might use as a half baked excuse to start a new conversation 🤡)#(the situation is starting to get on my nerves because I'm somehow both 'yeah whatever hope we get to meet again and hang out'#and 'I need to know what's going through their mind so bad' with a dash of 'I'm pretty sure I don't even like them that much'#'I'm just overidealizing them because of a series of circumstances'
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Another mainstream Fallout game without mulchable human enemies. Instead, there is a tight intercommunity on a much smaller map, where the player begins in long stretches of isolation. The first NPCs the player see is through the scope of their trusty rifle, with names like Bandit and Raider. It's a Fallout game.
Do you take the shot?
#it's just that like on a meta level the newer games kind of condition you to kill whatever you come across#with no special emphasis on any kind of life. and it definitely rewards you for doing this#raiders without names. it's become mindless fodder for the player#and that's all good and well. it's a video game and the player isn't mindless at all and neither is the combat#personally i don't want to kill people and see them explode. but i understand this is part of some huge appeal#what i want is just like. a little nuance to these things. named enemies and less radiant quests and fewer things to do with more impact#it's just interesting because by the game's own rules these NPCs above should be shot on sight (this is mostly about Fallout 4)#and I'd like a game where no life should be taken automatically. where everyone has something to say or something to lose. a story that is-#being told whether we the player are in on it or regardless of if we ever even know (or if we care to pay attention)#the distinct horror where you've killed someone without considering their life. i don't want to trick the player. these NPCs won't be-#dressed in raider gear. it's just an interesting option that comes up. it's been 20 minutes. these are the first people you see.#what do you do?#and now using mutants or ghouls as a backup enemy option is just for fools. they should be treated with the same respect. you know?#it's just that this is a game about post apocalyptica. haven't we lost enough?#when do we stop burning down our world and start fixing it?#maybe it doesn't have to be mainstream. maybe it's the equivalent of a Working f4 settlement builder and we can romp around saving people.#hunting things.#the franchise business#fallout
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Absolutely in love with the concept of Jellyfish dating sim!!!!!!!!!! .0. !!
If you ever need anything like assets, bgs, or someone to bounce ideas off of, I would absolutely LOVE to be a part of it and lend you whatever helping hands you might want ^u^
Of course you don't have to take me up on the offer, I know that you're fully capable on your own. I'm so excited about the concept though!!!!!!! I hope that this goes somewhere, whether that somewhere ends up being an actual finished game, or not. If it's just a more developing of this base idea, I'm excited to see it unfold. It's a great idea, that carries potential that I'm mad hype to exolore
AHH Thank you so much for your kind words ;w;!!!
I'll be sure to keep that in mind as well :). Maybe once I start stitching together code I'll make a discord server for the game so people can bounce off ideas (and also for possible beta testers... 👀👀?), and also be more uniform when helping me find assets
I don't have many solid ideas on what this game is going to be about, but I do know that it's probably going to be one of my most ambitious undertakings yet, so it'll be exciting ^v^!!
#this isn't the first game I've made- nor is it the first one I've made on renpy#i'm used to creating and finding all the assets by myself but this time I think it'll be extra cool if I actually let myself get some damn-#-help hhahaa#rn i am eating like 3/4 cooked banh loc (a viet dish) because I'm almost late for work and it is giving me mad chaotic programmer vibes#there was also someone in one of my summer camps that was making a programmer's world in minecraft and he said that the ''there's a bed but#it isn't used because programmers don't sleep''#and if that isn't a mood idk what is#anyway i think you're right about potential- :)). jellyfish have so many different weird power thingies that it'll be fun to think about#now that i think about it though i am not good at finding bgs lol#i'm probably just going to go to the hatomoa route and look up realistic ones like she did for the first hbf haha#mun rambles#ask#jellyfish#i do know a good source for fonts tho... I'll see to it that I find it again so I can use it for the game#ughfjgsdf I rly want the game to be a surprise but I also think it'd be cool to have help for it...#it'll be difficult to like. release as little information as possible while still getting as much inspo from others as possible#hmm before i go i should make a tag for this game#jellyfish game#there we go :)#Ite! It's Jellyfish Love!
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I came late to this party, like I know but it’s not gonna stop me from gushing about him as if he and his source are brand new cuz they are to me ajfkldsl
#i didn't play the wolf am.ong us when it was new!! i was only vaguely aware it existed#i knew nothing about it! i didn't even know it was about fairy tales? i thought it was a werewolf game jsfkdls#but i played it for the first time like a month ago for my brother's livestream and#i wasn't originally interested in bigby?? like i fully meant to walk away without feelings but we know how that works ajfklds#i ended up liking the universe a lot and of course that led to a couple crushes...#ok i'll admit to my other one; it's bloody mary afjdksl#did you see her monster form tho oh my god it's so cool i was gushing so hard in the livestream afjkdsl#but i just think i like bigby as a person more? like bloody mary is like. super hot but i don't know much about her personally other than--#she's basically evil ajkfsdl#someday that might be what im looking for but i have to be honest im weirdly in a werewolf phase rn ajfsdkl#im obsessed with the q.uarry and wolf am.ong us and i reeeeeeally want the werewolf pack for t.s4#especially now cuz while bigby isn't a werewolf i could make him in the s.ims 4 as one and it'd be close to how he is ajfksdl#i didn't anticipate so much werewolf media and i didnt expect to like all of it so much but here i am#ren speaks#renby#im gushing out here folks
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i'm so confused rn, can you explain the goncharov thing?? i get off tumblr for five minutes
(Edits closed as of 28 Nov.)
Lmaoooo
Nah I getchu. So this post has been circulating for like two years:
Link to post.
But yesterday, it had inspired someone to do this:
Link to post.
Next thing I knew there were fake Letterboxed reviews.
Goncharov moodboards. Really good ones.
Link to post.
Meta analysis. So many fake meta essays. Disturbingly good ones. And of course the memes. (Edit: HAVE I SAID THIS SHIT IS DISTURBING)
As you can see, the myth just started to grow, characters and ships and tropes being added one after the other, almost bizzarely without contradiction, until there was enough of shape to the whole thing for people to start posting fanfic about it on AO3. "No beta we die like ice-pick Joe" is already a tag.
Link to post.
It was hilarious in the beginning, but the way it's developed within less than a day, kind of like it's being willed into existence, is freaking me out a bit. We're toying with powers beyond our comprehension. 😂😂😂
Link to post.
Of course, there could be an ulterior motive as well.
Link to post (tags mine).
Edit: guys, please tag these posts "unreality" so people with disassociation issues can filter them out (not this one, this is an explainer). <3
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Edit 2: Aparently the boots in the original post are actually referring to a movie called Gomorrah that came out in 2008, directed by Mateo Garrone, based on the Scampia Feud. And other people had also been making posts about the fake movie for a while before the poster took off.
found by @thepotch
Edit 3: Explainer: why did those boots have this movie on them anyway?
Edit 4: Alt text added to all images courtesy of @valentineish ❤️
Edit 5: Turns out tumblr has done this kind of thing before. Nine years in this hell place and I had to have "Squiddles" and penis smp explained in the replies.
Edit 6: This post collects the Lore so far.
Edit 7: Lynda Carter (real one)/ earns more/ Tumblr cred.
Edit 8: Holy shit y'all we have the theme music. With sheet music. And it's on Spotify!
Edit 9: THERE IS A TRAILER WITH THE THEME MUSIC
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I made this post 18 hours after the movie poster went up. Closed edits 27 hours after first posting. So all of the above happened within 45 hours of the movie poster going up.
Edit 10: Google document live-compiling all the lore so far (Day 3)
Edit 11: Masterpost of Goncharov soundtracks (Day 3)
Edit 12: Entertainment news articles covering the Gonch-posting (real) (Contd from yday)
Edit 13: The music from the masterpost all compiled into a 31-minute original score with video edits on YouTube (edit: unfortunately taken down)
Edit 14: Staff's Goncharov art showcase for Tumblr Tuesday
As of closing on Day 3 there are 371 works in the AO3 tag.
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Updating with Day 3 shenanigans I missed yesterday:
Edit 15: Goncharov TV Tropes page
Edit 16: Ethics of Gonchposting
Important PSA 1 (how to reduce harm to Tumblr's neurodivergents)
Important PSA 2 (reality affirmation, anti-bullying)
Important PSA 3 (why you should stop trying to vandalise legit information sites)
Edit 17: Character lore from beezlebub whose poster they originated from
Edit 18: What we know about/ Director Matteo JWHJ0715 (#unreality)
Edit 19: Link to post with screenshotted and described NYT article (scroll down) and this golden exerpt from BuzzFeed: 💀
(alt text included)
End of Day 4 there are now 485 works in the Goncharov tag on AO3
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Didn't get to update this on Day 5, so these are the Day 5 doings:
More trailers!
Trailer 1 (My favourite)
Trailer 2
Trailer 3
Trailer 4
I also just found out about the Goncharov Game Jam.
It appears this opened a day after after the meme took off.
Goncharov was first entered into Wikipedia between Day 4 and 5 (attempts to vandalise it with fake info don't count, incidentally – please knock that shit off) under List of Internet Phenomena. This was then expanded into its own Wikipedia page at the end of Day 5 because, according to the talk history: "the topic now meets the notability threshold for its own artice due to significant coverage in The New York Times and other sources cited." We're on Wikipedia, people!
And then we made The Guardian half a day later. So while the meme is definitely dying down to embers by now, it still stays winning.
YouTube channels with episodes on the meme:
InformOverlord (4:30)
Lessons in Meme Culture (2:43)
End of Day of 5 there were 511 works on AO3, and End of Day 6 (today) there are 556.
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🚨BREAKING 🚨 from Martin Scorsese's daughter's TikTok (real actual)
tw: unreality:
We did it you guys!
Clarification: Francesca Scorcese asked her Dad about the meme and Martin played along. Please reblog this PSA to help Tumblr people with psychosis. Thanks.
Final edit: Day 8. Media reactions to Scorcese's TikTok (everyone from Forbes to Vulture). That one Tumblr user who said they'd do a screenplay if their post got notes has promised to shoot a single scene, but please don't be dicks just because you reblogged it; leave them alone until they get around to it themselves. As of end of Day 8 there are 609 works in the AO3 tag. I love all you lunatics. Peace! ❤️
#goncharov 1973#reasons i can never leave this hellsite#we've ascended from pirating criterion movies to straight up manifesting them into existence#get on our level twits#knee of huss#goncharov#tumblr lore#tumblr memes#tumblr culture
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You know what hits me hard? When 5 to 6 year old children, all the way in Southeast Asia, knows about what's happening in Palestine right now. That children their age is getting bombed, that they're starving to death, that they're getting shot at, and sniped in the head. Because, just this past 2 or so months, I heard some of the little ones in the Kindergarten classes I'm TAing in as an Intern talk about it. Hell, one of the little boys downright said he didn't like Israel, because Israel is bad, because they do scary things. Another was questioning whether Palestine was bad too, because, "why else would they shooting at them?". A little girl in one of my classes doesn't want to finish her food at all, because she wants to save at least half her meat and rice for kids in Palestine, because she heard that, they don't have food.
And that's just the ones I remember. Namely the inciting cases before their classmates slowly follow suit. The littles are fricking SCARED. We had to sit these kids down, and tell them that the topic is too mature for them at the moment, that they shouldn't even be concerned because they're KINDERGARTNERS, they're not even old enough to properly understand. The one teacher I was TAing for had to make a class announcement saying that.
What gets me is, these are 5 to 6 year olds, the youngest I've worked with in this specific age group is 4. 5 years old on average, and they've already been exposed to the worst horrors genocide has to offer through the news and snippets of conversation among adults and hell, considering how many of them say they like to play games on Mama's phone, or their IPad, even from fricking social media.
And the fact that, these literal babies, from all the way in Cambodia, has more empathy in their entire body and soul, than full grown fricking adults have in the nail of their pinky finger, gets me. FFS we as adults could LEARN from them I feel sometimes. I honestly don't know what to feel about it anymore. On the one hand, this is the next generation I'm working with. And if the next generation's default response to a tragedy such as Palestine, is what I've seen come up on occasion so far? Perhaps there's some bloody hope for this world after all. At least in this country. Especially since a majority of them already come from families who survived a genocide. These are the 3rd - 4th generation descendants of those who survived the Khmer Rouge. They've got grandparents at home, who no doubt are more than intimately familiar with what Palestine is going through right now. And it shows.
But on the other, it makes my heart sink because these are CHILDREN, these are LITTLE KIDS, they should be playing with their toys and watching cartoons and talking to their friends about everything from Spiderman to Speakerman to Kuromi and her friends, and be worried about whether or not they can go to playground that day, guranteed they're well behaved, or if Mama remembered to pack in their costume for swimming lessons that week. NOT JUST MY KIDS. But the little ones in Palestine too. They deserve better. They all deserve, so much better. Hell, it's come to the point that whenever I look at my kiddos right now, whether they'd be working in class, playing, doing something as mundane as eating lunch or getting ready for their nap. I think of the children their age in Palestine that didn't even get the chance to survive. I think of the ones whose memories from this age, is nothing but absolute horror and pain, rather than what has slowly become my normal, who never got to experience what my littles do on a daily basis right now.
Children shouldn't even be concerned about "War", about a Genocide. The last thing that should be on a 5 year old's mind, is pain, and suffering, and the worst horrors imaginable ever to be inflicted on a human being. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S INFLICTED, ON OTHER CHILDREN THEIR AGE. And for that alone, the world has failed them. Especially the kids in Palestine who didn't ask for any of this. They just wanted to carry on with life as kids do, the same way as my littles do on a daily basis no doubt, learning, playing, chatting with friends over their favourite cartoons and characters, worrying about whether they'd get to go to the playground or not that day.
I apologize for talking about this on this blog. I know my blog tends to be lighter in feel, a lot more unhinged and light hearted typically. I mean, I'm just a fricking nerd who likes to draw and write, and lurk about her favourite fandoms to consume and support what is shared among other nerds who also like to draw and write. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. About contemplating it, especially since I'll be back on a roll tomorrow, working with my kiddos again after not seeing them for 5 days straight because of Holidays. And, I just had to talk about it. This is something I felt I couldn't keep to myself this time, I don't think my soul'd be able to carry it. I had to talk about it.
FREE PALESTINE. Our children deserve better.
#free palestine#gaza#palestine#rafah#israel#current events#gaza strip#human rights#childrens rights#save the children#cease fire in gaza#cease fire now#cease fire permanently#palestinian genocide#support gaza#pray for palestine#ceasfire now
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a/n: continuation to this, but you don't necessarily have to read it first! all you need to know is reader got shot protecting maeve, and both survived. spencer has been in love with her the entire time.
“Have you called Maeve?”
She asks it on a beautiful, rainy day, about five weeks after the event in question. She’s a little too nonchalant about the whole thing, has been from the start- Spencer’s been correcting for that. He’s been treating her like something fragile, a beautiful glass figure that was almost shattered. This is something he knows irritates her, but how can he not?
He tries not to think of it, but the memory of her in a hospital bed, bandages over her abdomen, the wooziness of giving her blood. He can’t help his caution, now. People assume, quite often that Spencer was unaware of the fact he’s in love with his best friend. Like it was something he didn’t know, didn’t have to live with.
Spencer can be oblivious about a lot of things, but being in love with the person he’s shared a desk with for 4 years is not among them.
“No,” he replies, looking up at her as she sits down, handing him the cup of tea she made him. They’re at his apartment. She’s been cleared for desk work, but Spencer had been nervous about the whole thing. They’ve fallen into a rhythm of her going to his apartment after work, and for how determined he is to tell her how he feels, he’s not really able to pluck up the courage.
“Spence,” she sighs, “You have to call her.”
“I did! When it happened, I called her. We talked. We just don’t talk anymore.”
She furrows her brow in an adorable way, and Spencer’s heart threatens to fall out of his chest. He’s been playing a game of she loves me, she loves me not in his mind for the. Past few weeks.
Took a bullet to see me happy. She loves me.
She stirs her ceramic spoon, the clink of it against the mug fills the silence. She bites her lip, clearly disappointed with his response.
Wants me to call my not but kind-of ex. She loves me not.
She’s wearing this blue floral dress, and he is trying not to stare at where the fabric has ridden up, kissing the skin above her knee. She’s got lipstick on, and he tries not to read into how she’s sitting so close to him. Except he is kind of reading into it.
Before she got hurt, he had tried to shove this feeling down- tried to ignore the swoop of his stomach when she walked by, or when she gave him a compliment, or when she let him do a card trick for her. He tried to shove down how much he fucking hated it the one time she had a date pick her up at the office.
She’s just easy to be in love with. She writes little smiley faces on post-it notes and leaves them on his desk, and when the whole Emily thing had gone down, she’d spent weeks taking care of him through her own grief.
She’s sitting on his couch. Five weeks ago, she was half-dead in a hospital bed, and now she is on his couch, in a beautiful dress after returning from the job they both share.
He does not want to call Maeve.
The comfortable silence turns tense as the episode of Doctor Who plays in the background, and he’s still a little gunshy- she’s breathing, she’s okay. He feels creepy, but he lets his eyes close for a moment so he can hear the sound of her breath, to know it’s still there.
“Spencer,” she says, after she pauses the show, and he turns fully to face her, “I am okay.” She grabs his hand, and he takes a couple of seconds to process the touch as she places it over her own wrist. ‘I am fine. They fixed me up. You are allowed to stop worrying.”
Her tone is even, but intentional. She’s giving him permission, as if his presence is some guilt-driven notion that’s stopping him from getting what he really wants. It’s true, though, that he doesn’t always believe she’s okay. Notices how she’ll wince when she bends a certain way, and the scar by her eyebrow is healing well, but he still searches for it in her face.
He savors the feeling of the soft skin of her wrist under his touch, running his fingers over the junction of her hand and wrist with delicate affection. How she hasn’t figured out he’s in love with her is anyone’s guess.
He wonders what it would feel like to kiss her there.
“I know I can call her,” he manages to say back, meeting her warm gaze in a maybe too honestly in love glance, “I’m where I want to be.”
“Before I got hurt, you picked out an outfit, you asked for advice on dating, Spencer. You did that. I just-“ she sighs, moving her hand from his grasp and pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration, “The piece of you that wanted that is obviously still there. You don’t have to spend a Friday night with me in your apartment because you feel guilty that I got shot.”
“You’re not here because I’m guilty-“
“Then why-“
“You’re in my apartment right now because I am in love with you, and if you’re out of my sight for more than twelve hours than it’s like I forget that you’re still alive. That you didn’t get yourself killed before I ever got the chance to actually tell you.”
He’s not yelling. Well, he’s kind of yelling. Talking loudly, anyway. Her eyes widened and he’s hyperaware of how close she already was, is. She smells like lilies and her, and it’s all so present. She could have died. She might have never heard it.
She’s heard it now, he supposes. All the weeks of agonizing, notebooks he’s managed to fill in the last few weeks trying to figure out a way to say it to her that could charm her into loving him back- all gone. He’s told her, now.
All the cards are in her hands.
Her doe eyes almost sparkle at him, her head tipped to the side in a fond, loving gesture, and he wants to kiss her, wants to feel her faded-lipstick pout against his mouth. He wants his I love you to turn into I can have this.
“Spence,” her voice is a trembling, insecure thing. One half of his mind wants to rage at him- there’s no way she’s going to tell him she loves him back, that someone like her could ever want someone like him. But the other half, one that seems dangerously like hope- she took a bullet for him. She didn’t even think twice. “You’re in love with me?”
It’s like it’s not even him who replies. Some bitter thing takes over his voice and speaks for him.
“How could I not be? It’s you.”
It’s then he notices, that oh, she’s tearing up.
A beat passes, and Spencer sucks in a deep breath before rambling an absurd amount.
“You don’t have to- We can still be friends, obviously, you know that. But we can, I just- I needed to tell you because when you were in that hospital bed and you’d never heard me say it, I just couldn’t live with you never knowing. But now you do, and you don’t feel the same, and that’s okay-“
He doesn’t get to keep talking, because she grabs him by the collar of his shirt and kisses him. She’s warm and beautiful and her hair brushes up against his cheek and there’s something in him that takes over when he moves to cradle her head between his hands, both desperate to keep her in his grasp and savor the moments he gets to hold her. She tastes like cherry chapstick and something completely undefinable.
When she pulls away after a moment that feels entirely too short, heavy lidded eyes meeting his in affection, and Spencer thinks he’d like to do that for the rest of his life.
“I love you too,” she says back, and he commits it to memory, the sound of her so-sweet voice wrapping around the words he’s fantasized about hearing since the first time she smiled at his joke about philosophy. “I’ve loved you a really, really long time, Spence. I just thought I lost my chance, you know with- with everything. I never really thought I had one.”
He can’t even speak, really. He doesn’t think he can wrap his head around the fact that she felt like he wouldn’t like her back.
It doesn’t feel like a concern, now, when he leans in to kiss her again. She smiles into him, and Spencer memorizes the feel of her waist encircled in his arms, when he realizes that this is the heart he is able to hold without limits.
She loves me too, he thinks. She is safe, she is okay, and she loves me back.
On the following Monday, when Morgan sees the two of them with linked hands before Hotch gets to the office, he doesn’t say anything.
He does hand Emily 20 dollars, though.
#spencer reid#spencer Reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds fanfic
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TikTok trends | Matt Sturniolo | pt. 3
Matt Sturniolo x reader
Summary: 4 times that Y/N and Matt made a couple's trend on tiktok.
Warning: None.
Requested?: Yes, by anons and @remussbitch
Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.
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1.
Y/N sat on Matt's lap, who was sitting on his gaming chair, stretching her torso so that she could reach her phone that was on the computer desk.
The TikTok camera screen was already open and ready to start recording. The girl quickly clicked the red button before settling on Matt's thighs, smiling slightly.
Matt's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to his body so that her back was pressed firmly against his chest.
"Hi guys! After many requests from you, today, Matt will finally tell how we started our relationship." She explained to the camera while gesturing.
"That's right! Well, as you already know we grew up in the same neighborhood-" Matt stopped his sentence when his eyes focused on Y/N through the phone screen, seeing her upper lip stuck above her teeth, forming a beaver smile. "Babe, are you okay?" He moved slightly away from her, leaning to his left side so he could see her side profile up close.
"Yes, why?" Y/N dropped her expression, looking back at him with a frown as if he were crazy.
"Nothing." He shook his head, raising his eyebrows before returning to his starting position. "So, Mary Lou knew Y/N's mom-" Matt stopped abruptly when he saw her making the same face out of the corner of his eye.
The boy took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily while shaking his head before looking at her phone, about to speak again.
Y/N quickly returned with the weird smile, looking at him from the corner of her eyes as she swallowed her laugh.
"Y/N, stop! I'm trying to tell the story!" Matt spoke, his tone coming out slightly irritated. His hands grabbed his girlfriend's waist and pushed her slightly forward, making her sit on his knees. "So, she was always in my house just like I was in hers. We were inseparable-"
"Yes!" Y/N nodded repeatedly, opening a huge smile.
"Oh my God... You're going to give me nightmares if you keep this up." Matt sighed deeply.
"But I'm not doing anything!" The girl replied, noticing him starting to get upset.
"You be like-" He imitated the huge smile before rolling his eyes. "Are you making fun of my smile because of my big teeth?"
"What? Baby, of course not. I'm-" Y/N interrupted her sentence when she saw Matt's eyes take on a sad look, looking at her seriously while pressing his lips into a thin line. "Babe, no! I love your smile more than anything." She insisted, tilting her upper body to the side so she could see him over her shoulder.
"But then why do you keep doing this?" Matt looked up at her again, his tone full of insecurity, a frown decorating his face.
"Oh my love, it's just a prank! I love your smile, I promise. No wonder I compliment it all the time." Y/N moved so that she was sitting sideways on Matt's lap, raising her hands to his face, cupping his jaw affectionately.
"Hm..." He muttered, looking at the camera for a second before focusing on her face, a small smile growing on his lips. "I'll finish telling it with you like this now then." Matt raised his right hand, pressing his palm against his girlfriend's lips jokingly.
Y/N threw her head back, letting out a loud laugh, feeling relief to see her boy happy again.
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2.
"I'm dating a triplet, of course most of our dates will be interrupted by one of his brothers." Y/N spoke to the front camera of her phone, before double clicking on the screen so that the back one recorded her boyfriend, Matt, and his brother, Chris, sitting on the other side of the table, side by side.
Chris had an almost childish smile on his face and bright eyes, his hand resting on the table; while Matt had a look of boredom, his head resting in the palm of his hand, which was held up by his elbow on the wooden surface.
CUT
"I'm dating a triplet, of course I'm going to have to fight with the younger triplet every time only to be able to sit in the front seat." Y/N spoke again to the front camera of her cell so that it caught her figure sitting in the passenger seat.
Her hand moved, causing the camera to catch Chris sitting on the seat behind her, his face showing an angry look with his arms crossed against his chest, Nick's laugh sounding in the background.
CUT
"I'm dating a triplet, of course one of the other two is my best friend." Y/N spoke to the front camera, smiling as she moved her hand so the lens caught Nick.
The boy was sitting next to her on the bed in her shared room with Matt, his legs crossed on the mattress and several snacks surrounding him.
Nick lifted his face that was focused on his own phone, turning it towards the camera and opening a big smile. He raised his right hand, making the peace sign, before a laugh escaped his lips.
CUT
"I'm dating a triplet, of course people ask me which one is my boyfriend." Y/N spoke to her phone.
A chuckle escaped her lips as Matt's head appeared next to hers, his right eyebrow raised in confrontation.
"It's me, guys!"
CUT
"I'm dating a triplet, of course Matt and I have to go out at any time of the day with the car to pick up Chris or Nick from some appointment they had." Y/N spoke again, smiling and moving her hand so that the front camera of her cell caught Matt, who was driving with a concentrated look on his face.
The brunette hit the brakes seconds after, parking the car on the side of the street, turning to his girlfriend and playfully rolling his eyes at the camera, nodding his head.
Y/N double-clicked on the screen, recording the sidewalk with the rear camera, showing Nick and Chris with backpacks on their backs and looking around, searching for them with their eyes.
Her and Matt's laughter sounded from behind the phone before the TikTok ended.
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3.
"Had to tell her that dick off-limits. I hop on it at night, I'm a menace"
Y/N had her back to the closed closet doors in her shared room with Matt. Her right hand was raised and supporting her phone horizontally, so that the front camera recorded from her collarbone upwards.
The room's lights were dimmed, and only the LED lights were lit in a reddish color.
The girl lipsynched the lyrics, smirking as she stared at her phone screen, her red lip gloss shining with the movements of her lips.
"Uh, uh, yeah, he gets to strokin; ooh, how I love when he chokin' me"
Her hand moved up and down almost imperceptibly, following the three opening moans of the last lyrics.
Matt's tattooed arm appeared in the frame, exactly at the height of her shoulders. His large hand encircled her neck perfectly, just like a necklace. His fingers pressed against her skin hard enough that it was apparent he was doing it.
Y/N opened her lips slightly, smirking before catching her bottom lip between her teeth. She threw a wink at the camera before the TikTok ended.
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4.
Y/N leaned her upper body forward slightly, positioning her phone on the computer desk in her shared room with Matt, clicking the red button on the TikTok recording screen.
She straightened her body, standing next to her boyfriend.
Matt had his arms crossed, his posture straight and his face with a slightly confused look. His blue eyes flicked from the camera to Y/N and back, waiting for her to do what she wanted, even if he didn't know what it was.
"If you want to get to him, you have to go through me first." Y/N spoke to the camera, raising her eyebrows in confrontation as she pointed at Matt with the thumb of her left hand.
The brunette pressed his lips into a thin line, holding back his laughter while frowning in confusion, his blue eyes focusing on his girlfriend's figure through the phone screen.
The girl turned towards him, approaching his body and standing on tiptoe. Matt quickly understood what she wanted to do, shaking his head in amusement before lowering it so that their faces were close.
Y/N sealed their lips in a simple kiss, pulling away seconds after and returning to her previous position.
"He's the best big brother ever." She added, crossing her arms and raising her chin with a snobbish look.
"Babe, what the fuck?" Matt's voice came out high-pitched, his eyes widening comically as he raised his arms in ecstasy, taking a few steps back, almost tripping over his own feet.
"Oh, yeah. She's our lost sister." The sound of Chris's voice sounded from the door, he having heard them as he passed through the hallway that led to their bedroom, heading towards the kitchen.
Y/N threw her head back, her mouth opening as loud laughter escaped from her throat.
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My asks are always open. My requests are closed at the moment since I have 50 to work in, but you can always send questions or simply talk to me 🩷💋
And remember to treat people with kindness always!
~ taglist:
@lustfulslxt @ladybunny44 @worldlxvlys @earth2starkey @remussbitch @freshloveforthefit @il0vebeingdelulu @sturniolowhore @mimi-luvzyu @alorsxsturn @urfavgirllyyyyy @domizzzsstuff @sturnizd @hearts4chris @cupidzsq @dracoflaco @leah-loves-lilies @tylerthecreatorsrealwife @rootbeerworshiper @junnniiieee07 @elliesturniolo1 @sstvrnioloo @lightsgore @gidgett11037 @sturniolho @ksskianshd @ccolleenn @iammattswife @starsturns234
(If you want to be added to the taglist, please comment here)
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#x reader#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo#fanfic#fanfiction#imagine#oneshot#fic#matt sturniolo fic#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew bernard sturniolo#matthew sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#matt x reader#matt au#matt fanfic#matt#matty#youtuber#tiktoker#tiktoker reader#couple trend#tiktok trend
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Lift Me Off My Feet
Chapter 1: New Beginnings
Masterlist
Original Thought - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12
This was going to be a little something, but I got carried away, anyway, enjoy.
Thinking about reader entering the elevator to find the whole 141 fully dressed and armed inside. 💗
Warning: There is a little smut ahead ❤️ Gaz x Reader
“There really is no need!” You exclaim, finally coming out of the paralyzed state you were in. Just as the door was about to close you managed to slip out, forcing the door to open again by detecting the movement. “I'll just go out the way I came in, no need to worry.”
You try to make your way to the car, walking backwards so that you don't have to break eye contact with them since they are looking at you like you are an absolute lunatic. Maybe you are.
The only thing you can see of them is their eyes as they look at you, and then the three of them that are on the right turn to the one on the left. The one that spoke to you and to the radio.
He puts his hand on the door again, and slowly turns his head to the one closer to him. Then he nods in your direction and says only loud enough for them to hear: “Grab her.”
Not needing to hear anything, and trusting your guts, the second the man puts a foot down to begin walking your way, you bolt, running as fast as you can to your car.
Thanking whoever is listening that still has your keys in your hands, you unlock your car and as soon as you reach it, you open the driver's door and enter, closing it behind you.
Or trying to.
Before you can yourself in your car, a hand holds the door and pushes it back open. He tries to grab your arm so you move to the copilot seat, trying to move away knowing that there is no way out but still trying.
You push your back against the door, desperate to create space as the man starts to enter your car and you try to kick him away. “Please let me leave! I don't know what's going on, I can't say anything if I don't know what's going on! Please!”
He doesn't respond with his voice but in his eyes, you see something similar to pity that makes you wonder what you must look like, glassy eyes with tears pricking at your eyes from fear, trying to move as away as possible from him in your minuscule car and trying to kick him away but with barely any strength too scared to actually hurt him and make it more difficult for you.
The door behind your back suddenly opens and before you can do anything, a pair of strong arms grab you by your torso keeping your arms close to your chest and unable to move them. “Gotcha!” Says the voice behind you with a strong accent and almost fun in his voice, like he just won a tag game.
You trash around trying to get free, unable to even reach the ground, tears beginning to flow down your cheek. “Please, please, I promise I won't say anything, ple-” A massive hand covers your mouth, silencing your pleas and forcing you to look at the third man that followed you to your card. Brown eyes look at you with furrowed eyes and say slowly, almost testing how stupid you are. “Are you going to make this easy for everyone, or do you just want to make it harder, angel?”
You nod your head, afraid to even try and speak. “Yes? Yes, what? Are you going to behave? Good girl.” He says as you keep nodding and you see his eyes twirl the slightest with a smile. “C’mon, Johnny, bring her to the elevator.”
The four of you make your way inside of the elevator when the first man who spoke to you remains holding the door shaking his head at you as you are dragged inside. “Now why would you try something like that, you silly girl?” He says taking something from his back pocket.
“Maybe she likes to be chased.” Says the man that you tried to kick before and you quickly shake your head still unable to talk earning a chuckle from him.
“Well, we can't have any more of that. Put her behind Kyle, Soap.” Says the first man, and you can finally see that what he picked from his pocket is a pair of cuffs and you begin to trash again. Futile, you know it, since the man behind you (Soap, you guess), holds your hands putting them around the man’s waist (Kyle was his name?) and you quickly feel the cuff go around your wrist keeping your plush against Kyle's back, the indents and trinkets of his backpack pressing against your face. “Now, no more tears, kid. You brought this upon yourself, so no more games.” He says looking at you poking his head from the other side of the man, but you can help it back to let the tears flow free. “Aw, c’mon, lass. Don't cry, yer be free in a bit. Look, Captain has the keys, we'll let you go soon, see? Right her- Shit!”
The Scottish man behind you was saying, as he pointed and moved around you, and when he was about to point to the keys in his captain's hand, his eyes were not on the keys but instead on your face. So he didn't measure the distance and instead knocked the keys out of his captain's hand.
So now, the five of you look as the key falls, not to the floor, but straight to the small space under the elevator door just as it closes. Getting out of reach, and possibly never to be seen again.
“Johnny, you fucking twat!”
Maybe if you did some overtime today, if you came across one more red light on your way back, if you stayed in your car a couple of minutes more you wouldn't have found yourself in this situation.
But you didn't.
So here you are now, hiding your face on the back of some military man, crying out of absolute fear for your wellbeing, handcuffed so you can't run and hearing the four men on the elevator argue with each other.
Until an especially hard sob escapes your mouth making you bite your lips to silence yourself and everyone else to shut up.
A warm hand engulges yours, assuming that it is Kyle's trying to calm you down by drawing little circles on your hand. “It's okay, luv. We have more keys, just not here. You just gotta stick with us for a little longer, and then you'll be back to your life, a’right?”
You hiccup as you try to stop crying, still biting your lips and out of reflex, you move your hand to grab one of his fingers, trying to ground you and get calmer.
You notice a hand going down your back making you jump and grab Kyle's finger harder before you hear someone shushing you. “When we get out there, I'm gonna need you to be quiet, alright? And move along with Sargent Garrick, careful with your feet… Look at me, sweetheart. Let me see your pretty face.”
You slowly move your head to face him, you recognize the voice as the Captain's voice but you finally see his face as he has moved his mask and now you can see the lower part of his face, mainly covered still by his beard and moustache, but with a kind smile on his face. A soft sigh escapes his lips when he sees you and it makes you think about what you must look like.
Raw, plush and red lips from biting them, glossy eyes and wet cheeks flushed against the sergeant’s back; an absolute mess.
“Poor birdie, what have you gotten yourself into?” He says as he cups your head. “You are going to be good, right? We are going to take care of you, so no need to be so afraid. Nothing bad is going to happen to you as long as you are with us. It is all going to be over soon, luv.”
He caresses your head once more, and when the elevator reaches your floor, he puts the mask back up. The four of them get the weapons in their hands and begin to beeline out of the elevator.
Kyle gives you one last squeeze to your hands before letting them go to grab his gun and walk out last of the elevator with you behind.
“Bravo-6 to Watcher-1, we are on the 6th floor, moving to the objective apartment.” The captain says walking first.
“Watcher-1 to all, the apartment is the 608. Proceed with caution, we don't know how many are inside.”
“Roger that, are there any secondary entries, Watcher?”
“Any available on time, Bravo-6. Just the main door.”
“You can jump from my terrace.” You whisper to Kyle who whips his head so fast when he hears you talk you are surprised he didn't get dizzy. “I live next door.”
“Quiet, birdie!” Kyle screams-whispers back, gaining the attention of the captain.
“What did she say?” Ask the captain back.
“She said she lives next door to the objective, that we can jump from the terrace. Worth a look?” Kyle asks back.
“Where do you have the keys?” A deep voice coming from the only man you don't know the name jet asks next to you, and you push your butt out.
“Back pocket.” You say looking at him.
“Lucky Lt.” Soap mumbles somewhere close.
The unknown man gets his hand down your pocket and grabs your keys without unnecessarily lingering.
You tell them your apartment number and when they open you explain to them that it is in your bedroom, and they just need to jump over the half wall on the side.
“Ghost and Soap go through the outside, Gaz you coming with me. Ghost, check how many people are inside and we will enter at the same time.” Captain orders and you decide that you have already heard enough.
You know bullets are about to fly everywhere and blood is about to run and you don't want neither to see nor to hear any of that.
So you hide your face on Kyle's back and grab his belt to steady yourself. You hear the Captain's voice shout something and after that, it is all chaos. You focus all of your senses on moving in tandem with Kyle, making sure not to get your feet on his way.
At some point, you feel a sharp pain a bit higher than your elbow, but you ignore it, way too terrified to check it.
It is all a blur of noise and movement, but finally, there is no more shooting and you can only hear an angry man shout.
You finally pop your head around Kyle to check who is screaming and you come across your neighbour, shouting at the captain until he sees you.
“You! I knew you were a fucking spy, you fucking whore! You don't know who you just fuck with! You are dead, bitch! You heard me? DEAD!”
“Darling, he is not getting close to you.” Kyle tries to reassure you.
You are currently sitting on his lap, strangling his legs, still cuffed around him. You both are sitting on the back of the ambulance, as the paramedic takes care of the wound on your arm. Not that you care about it, becoming minuscule in your hierarchy of problems after receiving a death threat from a terrorist.
“Yes, he is!” You argue back as you bawl your eyes out on his shoulder. “He is and he is going to kill me! And I didn't do anything!”
“Hey, look at me, doll.” He says as he cups your face with his hands. “You are with us, right? Nothing is gonna happen to you if you are with us. Nothing's gonna hurt you if you stick with us. Do you not trust me?” He asks, looking at you with almost puppy eyes, he follows your gaze when you look at the wound on your elbow and looks back to him as he changes his expression to look at you with a bright smile. “No need to answer, doll.”
“How's the damage?” Captain Price (as they told you) asks, walking closer to the both of you.
“No damage to the bone, but the soft tissue will need some time to heal.” The paramedic says as he gives the last sutures and puts on the dressing. “And either she is a fighter, or she was busy crying about something else, but she didn't complain once.”
“Ah, she's a fighter, that I know.” Price coos at you petting your head again and you feel yourself blush.
“Do you have the key for the cuffs, Captain?” You ask to change the subject and he smiles mischievously when he hears the way you call him.
“Don't call me that, sweet girl. I'm not your Captain, call me John, Price if you are not comfortable with firsts name.” He says and you nod letting him know you understand. “And I asked about the keys, but the master key is at the base. So guess you have to stick around with us for a bit more, sorry dear.”
You hide your face on Kyle's neck again sighing feeling your tears sting in your eyes. A sob escapes your lips and automatically both Price and Kyle are shushing and cooing at you.
“What's making you so upset, doll? Are you uncomfortable with the sergeant?” Price asks, rubbing your back and you shake your head. “Then what is it? Use your words, love, please.”
“I'm just exhausted… I just wanted to go to bed… I'm so tired…” You mumble against Kyle's skin provoking him goosebumps and a sight to leave his lips.
“Let's get going then, the earlier we get to base the earlier you get back home.” He pats Kyle on the other shoulder and he stands up, you in his arms, as if you were weightless to the taller man.
You don't comment on the fact that he holds you from your ass, it’s too comfortable being held and you’d rather take it than to test your legs and force yourself to walk.
Price opens the door to the minivan and Kyle sits with you on his lap. Price closes the door, circles the car and opens the door to sit on the other side. You look around quickly to see Ghost driving and Soap on the copilot seat.
After a couple of minutes of the drive, you notice Price slips a bit on his seat, just enough to rest his head on the headrest, and he puts his hat over his face to shield himself from the street lights as he crosses his arm to sleep for the rest of the drive.
And you envy him because you wish you could sleep too. If it wasn't because it seems like Ghost is catching every single curb and bump on the road, and every time he does, your and Kyle’s crotches rub each other making you both groan softly.
His hands find their way to your waist as you reposition yourself on his lap and he whispers to your ear. “You gotta empty that pretty head of yours, luv. It'll help you relax.”
You notice the growing bulge pressing right to your cunt, and when Kyle begins to move your hips back and forth against it… you let him.
“Such a sweet girl, hm?” He mumbles as he drops wet open mouth kisses on your neck. “Poor, poor birdie. Getting involved in such a nasty situation, because of somebody else's mistakes.”
Little sighs escape your lips as you grab his t-shirt trying to not make any noise, the captain still sleeping on just two seats to your left.
You should be embarrassed, ashamed of yourself, afraid of these men you just met, of doing such a nasty thing in front of three other men even if they haven't noticed jet.
But Kyle's hardening cock is still brushing against your cunt and it is making it really hard to focus on anything else.
Enjoying his freedom of movement, he undoes the first button of your work shirt, just to keep kissing your neck lower, grazing your collarbone.
His fingertips grab your hips harder, making it easier to move against him.
“Helping us so much, letting us enter your house, your bedroom, taking the bullet like a champ. The trainees could learn from you. Moving so in sync with me, I didn't step on you even once. But you like moving with me don't you, sweet girl, hm?” He asks against your ear, making you shudder as you keep moving against them.
You can feel your panties get soaked with your arousal, the mix of Kyle's praises being whispered to your skin, his hard cock throbbing again and again against you, your ego inflating because of it, knowing you are affecting him just as he is affecting you, his warm hands on your waist.
“Take what you need, sweet girl. Take it, luv.” He mumbles letting his head rest on the seat headrest as his hand moves down to your ass impulsing you.
You can feel your climax coming closer and closer every second passing, but then Kyle moves you slightly back and the pressure moves to your clothed clit and you hide your face on his neck biting down as the orgasm washes over you.
Kyle goes back to whispering on your neck. “Keep moving, doll. Please, please, a little bit more, just a bit more, I know you can do it, please, doll… you are driving me crazy, please…” he begs softly as he moves his hips against yours making you gasp against his skin. Warm breath against the drool you just let on his skin making him shudder grunting softly just before he cums on his pants against your cunt.
So close yet so far
I have never in my life written smut before, so let me know how catastrophic that was.
Anyway, sorry if it is messy, I really have no clue where I'm taking this. Let me know if there any scenarios you would like to happen 💗
And I can't express how happy I am that so many people liked the first part, really, thanks so much.
#price#captain price#captain john price#soap#john soap mactavish#ghost#ghost simon riley#simon ghost riley#gaz#price x reader#price imagine#soap x reader#soap imagine#ghost x reader#ghost x y/n#ghost x you#gaz x reader#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x you#gaz x y/n#soap x y/n#price x y/n#soap x you#john price#call of duty#cod mw2#141 x reader#call of duty smut#gaz smut#poly 141 x reader
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hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.
as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)
but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:
changing expectations
the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!
my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.
when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.
so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?
with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.
with that in mind:
#1: work slower
when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.
instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.
i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!
now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.
doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.
however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:
#2: switch projects
sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.
this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.
the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.
what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.
but it doesn't have to stop there.
#3: switch focus
maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?
let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:
what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today.
okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now.
alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily?
what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?
and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?
what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for?
what if i try sampling something obscure?
what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?
any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.
or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.
but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:
#4: learn something new
when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.
for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴☠️)
it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)
that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:
music theory and composition
music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang
mixing and production
dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix
general inspiration
nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!
(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)
of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:
#5: consume art you love
not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.
but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.
and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.
what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.
as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.
none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.
and finally,
#6: rest, and live your life
let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?
take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).
it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.
i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.
when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)
before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:
be kind to yourself.
being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.
i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.
i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.
thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.
with care,
bee 🐦
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