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these-written-reveries · 8 months

Note

might be too angsty but can you write a ledger!joker x reader with a reader who self harms? either catching them in the middle of the act or seeing the scars they were trying to keep hidden?

Hello! First of all, thank you for your request! I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to write this at first, particularly because it's such a sensitive subject. The last thing I'd ever want is to upset or cause emotional harm to those who may be struggling with this themselves. That said, I want my writings to be a source of good and bring solace to those that are in need of it, so I decided to try my best and write it anyway.

I chose to keep things vague and without too much detail to help minimize the triggering aspects of this subject. Please use your own discretion when choosing whether to proceed with reading and let me know if there is anything wrong with this piece that I should fix. I hope this fulfills your wishes, nonnie. Sending all my love to you and anyone else who may be struggling with this. I strongly encourage you to seek the help/support that you deserve ❤️

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-Try-

‣ Pairing: Ledger!Joker/Jack Napier x GN!Reader

‣ Summary: J finally comes face-to-face with the pain you've been carrying alone all this time and tries to help you bear the weight of it.

‣ Genre: angst, hurt/comfort

‣ Warnings: self-harm (no details mentioned of the act/object used), blood (minor references), scars/fresh wounds (no details), panic, breakdown/crying.

‣ Word Count: 2,226

‣ Have an idea for a fic you’d like me to write? Send a request here. But first, make sure to read my Request Info!

L!Joker/Jack Napier Masterlist

Main Masterlist

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It was just past midnight when J unlocked your apartment door and slipped inside. He was dressed in a casual outfit consisting of a black hoodie and jeans, the hood pulled up over his head and a surgical mask covering the lower half of his face. After locking the door behind him, he dropped the hood and pulled the mask off, shoving it into the pocket of his hoodie as he walked further into your apartment.

“Where’s my little dove?” he called out, announcing his presence so as not to frighten you.

It was becoming more of a frequent habit for Jack to come over to your place, especially to sleep. He’d usually let you know when he’d be coming through call or text, but today he hadn’t the time. In fact, he wasn’t planning on coming over at all today. But after the nonsense he’d been dealing with recently regarding work, he wanted nothing more than to pay a visit to his love to set his frazzled mind back in order. At this point, you were pretty used to him showing up at odd hours of the night to visit you, so he figured it wouldn’t be a problem if he stopped by tonight. You were always complaining about not seeing him enough anyway.

While your romantic relationship was still somewhat new, you’d known each other for quite a while by now. He’d spent months trying to woo you, which proved to be a bigger challenge than he had initially expected. Jack knew he wasn’t the most desirable man in the world, but he could tell that wasn’t the only thing holding you back from accepting his affections right away. There was more to you than met the eye, and he was determined to know all the complexities of you.

Jack had no problem taking his time with you. You seemed to appreciate this, so he allowed you to set the pace of your relationship. You hadn’t expected Jack to be so patient with you, yet he was, exceedingly so. He didn’t pressure you to do anything you weren’t comfortable with, and he didn’t judge you for your “odd” tendencies. As J saw it, he was more than a bit odd himself, so who was he to judge? In taking your time to build your relationship together, he’d learned a lot about the little intricacies of who you were, but there was a hidden part of you he had yet to become acquainted with. A mystery he could never seem to solve, until today.

Knocking lightly on your bedroom door, he found it to be unlocked and quietly turned the handle. You hadn’t responded to his previous call, so he figured you were asleep. His assumptions were found to be correct when he spotted you curled up on your bed wearing one of his long-sleeved button-down shirts and a pair of underwear. He took a moment to appreciate the sight of you before walking over to the other side of the bed. There you lied, facing the empty spot where he normally slept, the lamp you left on providing the perfect amount of light for him to admire your beautiful features. Though, the smile that began to tug at his lips upon seeing your face quickly faded as he noticed the puffiness of your eyes and tear stains on the pillow you were lying on.

Letting out a quiet sigh, he removed his shoes and hoodie and left them on the floor beside the bed before carefully climbing onto the mattress. Successfully managing to lie down beside you without waking you, he silently observed your face. Seeing you upset or hurt elicited the worst feelings in him. The emotion that manifested most frequently in him was anger. But the feelings he felt in moments like these were much more complex than that; so complex he couldn’t fully make sense of them. All he knew was that it made his chest ache and his stomach twist in a way that made him feel sick.

Deciding to take the risk of waking you, he gently brushed his knuckles against your cheek, his painted lips curling up into a fond smile as you subconsciously nuzzled against his fingers before going still once more. He continued, moving his hand down to trail his fingertips over your shoulder all the way to your fingertips. He glanced down at your other arm, that which lied between the two of you with your hand tucked under the pillow that supported your head. His fingers traveled to this arm, about to continue their journey when they suddenly froze in place at the familiar sight of crimson. Upon second glance, Jack immediately recognized this to be exactly what he thought it was. At first, he considered it to be an old stain—it was his shirt, after all, but it was too fresh for that to be the case.

Alarms began going off in his head as he went through all the possible scenarios of how you could have been hurt. It wasn’t uncommon to experience physical attacks in the dangerous city of Gotham—even more likely if anyone were to find out about your relationship with the infamous Joker. This is why J taught you how to physically protect yourself and gave you self-defense weapons to keep with you in case anything were to happen. He was also very careful when it came to keeping your relationship hidden from the rest of the world. Along with these things, he took a handful of other measures to keep you safe, making sure to cover all the bases. His biggest fear was you getting hurt, or worse, and him being unable to stop it. He’d do anything to shield you from any potential threats or harm that could ever come your way.

Yet, he’d never once considered self-inflicted harm to be such a substantial threat to his lover…

As he carefully pulled back the red-stained sleeve, his heart sank. He remained still as he stared at the scars and fresh wounds that covered your skin. At this point, you had awoken and immediately felt an impending sense of doom begin to fill your being at the sight of Jack looking directly at what you had tried to keep hidden from him for so long. You yanked your arm away and quickly sat up, pulling the sleeves back over your arms and hiding the rest of your body with the covers. Tears filled your eyes and panic manifested within your chest as an inability to breathe, the racing thoughts in your mind causing you to spiral even faster.

“I’m sorry,” your voice cracked as you uttered the words at barely above a whisper. You were trembling now, squeezing your eyes closed as your mind fed you every worst-case scenario in the book.

Silence.

Oh, how you hated to hear it.

It only provided your mind with more room to insert its own terrible thoughts and ideas about what J was thinking of you.

Unable to open your eyes, yet unable to stand the silence any longer, you spoke again. “Please…say something. If you’re mad or whatever, just say-”

“No.” His sudden interruption startled you, but you were still relieved to hear something come out of his mouth.

“Look at me,” he spoke firmly, but there was something else to the tone of his voice that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. You were too afraid to open your eyes for fear that you'd see nothing but disgust and disappointment staring right back at you.

You felt the mattress shift beneath you as J moved closer to you. A tear fell from your eyes that was swiped away by the pad of his thumb before your chin was gently grasped between his thumb and forefinger, tilting your head up slightly. This time, you bravely opened your eyes to look at your love before you. Instantly, you were met with a strange look in his eyes. Different than any look he’d ever given you before. One filled with so much love, yet carried with it a lingering sadness. This look alone pierced your heart and made it even harder not to crumble to bits into his lap.

“I’m not mad at you. Ya got that?”

The truth is, he was mad at himself. Particularly for not recognizing sooner. He was so observant when it came to you and yet he had completely missed this. It made his stomach turn to think that you had been struggling alone this whole time, unbeknownst to him.

Now everything made sense. All the “odd” tendencies you exhibited on a frequent basis. The way you avoided certain intimate interactions with him. He always thought you just didn't like to be touched that much, so he used his touch sparingly with you and only in ways he knew you were comfortable with. The way you remained so covered up, even when it was blazing hot. In his mind, he assumed you were just insecure about your body and after bringing it up once and seeing you shut down in response, he chose not to press on the subject again until you were ready to talk about it. So many things he could now link directly back to this. How stupid he felt for not being able to piece it together sooner. He could’ve been there for you this whole time and he wasn’t.

But as he looked at you now, your lip quivering as you nodded in response to him, he realized that what really mattered was being there for you now.

“Alright. C’mere.” He held his arms out and you blinked at him, unmoving.

"Do ya want a hug or not? Hm?"

Upon hearing this, you wasted no further time diving into his embrace. He pulled you close, one hand cradling the back of your head and the other wound securely around your waist. You finally burst into tears and clung to him tightly, making his attempt to move the two of you into a better position much more of a struggle, but he managed.

"Hush-ush-ush, it's okay, doll. I got ya,” he cooed softly at you.

He was ever so careful now with where his fingers touched you, choosing to keep them stationed at your back where they gently ran up and down your spine. This soothing touch paired with the sound of him shushing you softly between pressing kisses to your head was enough to calm you down much faster than you normally would have on your own. Now your sobs had dwindled down to mere sniffles and your tears were slowing their pace.

Recognizing this, Jack finally decided to speak again.

"Ya know, I'm always here for you, doll. You might think this changes how I feel about you, but it doesn't. Not one bit."

He could feel your body shake with quiet sobs in response to his words, his shirt being further soaked with your salty tears. He squeezed you a bit tighter.

"Will you let me help you? I'm not sayin' I have all the answers or that it'll be easy, ‘cause it won't. But we're in this together now, toots. I'll do whatever it takes to get ya through this. I mean it."

You were silent for a moment before you looked up at him and hesitantly nodded. The vulnerable look on your face was enough to break what was left of your clown’s heart as his eyes begin to sting slightly. He clenched his jaw to hold back his tears and pressed his lips to your forehead before pulling you closer against him. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he continued to speak.

"We'll figure it out together, hm? Ya got me now. So you better come to me when you're feeling like doing it again. Doesn’t matter what I'm doing. Ya know I’ll drop everything for you."

"It's…hard for me to do that in the moment,” you confessed quietly. J nodded in understanding and gave you another small squeeze of reassurance.

"Try your best, doll. That's all I'm askin’. I don't expect ya not to slip up from time to time. I'll still be here when you do. But ya gotta help me help you. Alright?"

"Mhm…” You nodded in agreement.

"That's my doll." He kissed the top of your head, leaving traces of face paint in your hair. "I love you, and all that sappy shit,” he muttered.

You let out a small breathy laugh and pressed a kiss to his chest before squeezing him tighter. "I love you, J. Thank you."

J scoffed, but a tiny smile tugged at his lips all the same. "Yeah, yeah. Listen, I don't need your thanks. I just need ya to be strong for me. Think you can do that?"

"I'll try my best.”

"Good. You do that and I'll take care of the rest. I got your back, toots.” He kissed your head and squeezed you again for good measure, his fingers traveling from your back, up to your cheek, grazing over your tear-stained skin. He stared at you affectionately as you nuzzled against his touch.

Looking up at him once more, you offered him the best smile you could muster in the moment. It was weak, but you were trying. And that was enough.

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twilight-deviant · 5 months

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Fisk in Echo

Wanted to make a long post detailing my personal thoughts on Fisk's representation in the Echo series. I won't comment a lot on the series as a whole. It was good. Not gonna call it my new favorite show or say it breathed new life into an MCU that seems like it wants to die. But a good watch. Even if I did hope it would break more of the MCU mold with its MA rating.

But Fisk! Put Vincent D'Onofrio's Wilson Grant Fisk on my screen, and I'm there, bells on.

This is just... a dumb long post I had to write for me. You can read it or parts of it if you want.

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1x01

Willie on Willie Violence

They're never gonna tells us why MCU Fisk had Ronin kill Maya's dad. Stop asking. They're not gonna say. No, they're not gonna tell us why Clint did what Fisk asked either. I said stop asking.

They really reduced what could have been an important relationship between Fisk and Willie into literally nothing. Per the comics, he was Fisk's first friend ever, his enforcer. Nothing? NOTHING?! Also they changed his last name from Lincoln to Lopez. (Apparently, heroes can only be born from a married, two-parent household? Didn't know the MCU was Catholic.) "How much agency can you remove from one man?" MCU asks and answers.

I'm not saying the comics knock it out of the park with motive. The reason Fisk kills him is still vague. (Meaning the MCU had the chance to pick up the slack but just left it there.) Vague is still better than ignoring it entirely.

I assume comic Fisk was betrayed by him in some way. And while it doesn't take much provocation for him to kill his employees, I like to assume the motive was a little more substantial for a friend.

This is why these series need to be treated like television (instead of long movies) and given more than a handful of episodes.

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Maya vs Daredevil

A pretty good fight scene, definitely. Even if it is intercut with special effects instead of practical effects. I've seen people make that complaint, and it's valid. I can't decide if the inclusion of a fight between them is meant to be a bone thrown to Daredevil fans, a nod to their fight in the DD comics with Echo's origin, or both. 🤔 But since this is a post about Fisk and I'm a Fisk/Matt shipper, moving on.

Ehehehehehehe~ 😈

"None of my men have ever held their own with him like that. You did better than even I expected."

So... in preparation for DD: Born Again, I have been (and honestly, still am) unsure of where the canon will be coming from. Disney recently pushed the Netflix-verse as legitimate, but I know it has to have a point where that will break off. There's no way it can be a 1:1 continuation. So while we can be a little more bold injecting DD canon into the MCU, I'm not getting carried away yet.

Anyway, the uncertainty of Born Again has made my shipper heart wonder where/when Fisk and Matt's relationship will be. Until Echo, I questioned if it would be scorched earth, start all over, meet for the first time again. But Fisk's line establishes he is at least aware of Daredevil. They have some form of history. I'm interested and anxiously waiting for specifics to unfold. ✪ω✪

In the meantime, it's nice having confirmation that both Fisk and Matt survived Thanos's Snap and existed in those 5 years. 😈 Not only does that play into the hand of my current fanfic, it doesn't outright contradict it either. In fact, it's kind of fun imagining an AU where Matt works with Fisk and then laying it over this Echo scene. Daredevil just so happens to be at a location stalking Fisk's competition? On the same night Fisk sends in his daughter*? Hm. Suspect. Certainly he's not ensuring her safety by sending no-kill boy. 🤔🧐 Ignore me. I'm making an AU of my AU over here. 😂

*[I actually have a hard time letting go of Fisk's role as an adoptive father in the comics versus "uncle" in the shows. I can't let this go. Maybe even... won't let this go?]

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1x04

2008

So here's a very small nod that even I missed at first. In Maya's 2007 past (in Hawkeye and Echo), she is attending a regular, non-deaf school. Her dad says it's because they can't afford better. (Surely there are programs with grants? Whatever.) Now cut to 2008. Fisk picks her up from school, showing that she is on his radar and he is taking a more active role in her life. A testament to that? Maya is now wearing the uniform (with crest) of a private school.

Fisk isn't the best at love, and there's no denying that. (Look at Richard's life.) But it also can't be denied that he immediately took an interest in Maya and improving her situation. He loves in his own way.

Anyway... so this scene confirmed with its "2008" that Fisk has been active in New York for yeeeears. Literally since the beginning of the MCU itself. I won't say it changes a lot since DD 1x01 mentions the Chitauri Invasion of 2012 and how Fisk grew parts of his empire with construction companies rebuilding from it. But confirmation is nice, ya know. And it shows that even though Fisk's name was unspoken in 2015, he had already been in some form of power for at least 7 years.

And then, of course, the whole "beat up the ice cream man" thing. 🍿 I mean, again, Fisk's methods are not always right, but he will protect those he cares about and punish those who hurt them. And he will be excessive about it. RIP Anatoly. 💐

I see people, even writers, make excuses for Maya's action in this scene, for kicking the man. "Children watch and copy everything." Sometimes, yes, but children know the difference between right and wrong. Children don't just mimic bad actions. What I'm saying is I'm not going to pretend Maya didn't have a touch of dark side in her with or without Fisk.

There's no denying she is much darker and more ruthless than her comic counterpart. My mouth was quite agape to see her hurt the woodpecker and then lie about it. (There's a certain classification of people who hurt animals as children. 🤔) Not even Fisk was prepared for that part of her. Calling for another jacket, telling her not to be afraid. He thought of how other children would react and got it wrong. He wasn't wrong to think she would have an aptitude for bloodshed in her adult life.

I love Fisk calling her out in this episode, that she always knew what he was and that she killed for him without compunction. There was no remorse in the flashbacks. Per Fisk's own words: "You knew what you were part of at every turn. All the people you killed for me, did you plead for their lives?" There was no disgust towards Fisk until she found out he had her father killed. One of the (I think) producers of the show says he considers Maya a villain. Aight. I think she's more of an anti-hero now, but I wouldn't call MCU Maya an outright hero, I don't think. Remains to be seen what she does with herself.

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2021

Me watching the interpreter taken away: "Not the plastic hallway!" 🙈😂

DD S3 Fisk really found an MO he could live with. lol. No one else can but...

This old man is adorable wanting to have weekly dinners with his daughter. (✿◠‿◠) You definitely leave a girl wondering where Vanessa (even a recast Vanessa) is, but okay. Now invite your other three kids on Sunday. Pfft.

I can't believe the MCU made Fisk switch out his beloved Bach for Schubert's Ständchen. 🤣🎧 (That's okay. I actually like it more. Shh.)

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The Man in Red

Is it such a silly stupid thing for me to grin about the fact that the first time we "officially" see Fisk in the series, he is wearing red? Yes it is silly and stupid. Imma grin anyway. 🙃

Sir, that is... that is Daredevil's color. Sir. Sir! 😆 (Fisk said, "Daredevil wore white in the comics. Something must be done.")

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Fisk Not Learning ASL

Okay so...

I think this is one of my two big sticking points in Echo's writing for him. I've already ranted to my friend about it over several texts. Fisk spoke more sign language in Hawkeye than he did in this series, and it's not like the why is some big mystery. It's sloppy writing, right? Right. It's a shortcut to contrast Maya's family in Fisk versus her biological family. Writers were like, "What's a quick, easy way we can show Maya's family does care for her more than Fisk even though they abandoned her after her mother and father died and offer nothing for it but an, 'I'm sorry'? Ooh, I know!"

Chula hated Willie enough to blame him for Taloa's death and cast him out at the cost of losing her granddaughter. "I'm sorry." Henry left her in NYC after Willie was killed, even knowing he was leaving her with Fisk. "I'm sorry." But everyone still speaks fluent sign language after 20 years, so they're better than Fisk. Did you get that? We want to make it very, very clear so you get that. 🙄

I have trouble conveying my frustration with this writing choice in words. At the very least, it's "tell, don't show." I don't need it spelled out that ordinary people are better than a serial murder crime boss. Neon sign flashing "Duh!" No one needed that spelled out!

And It was bad enough how blatant they were being, okay, but when they had Maya mention it outright at the end, word-for-word conclusion, oof. It's so... novice league. I almost get secondhand embarrassment from their ham-fisted delivery. Geez.

This man speaks Mandarin, Japanese, and some Spanish. For personal interest. He could learn ASL. You can believe the absolute worst in him and still believe he'd learn it as a method of manipulation, to make Maya think he cared. You actually have a larger burden of proof coming up with any reason why he wouldn't learn. "He doesn't care enough about her." Where's that judging cat picture saying "Pathetic"? I mean, I can sit here all day pointing over and over again at the fact he spoke more ASL in Hawkeye. So he... regressed... between series because he cares... less for her now?

Wait... he suffered a gunshot to the head. You don't think... *gasp* Maya hit the exact spot of his brain that held sign language? It's all coming together.

Uuuuuuuuuuuugh. We all have those bad writing moments we just ignore, and this is one of mine. Echo wanted a villain but they were too afraid of humanizing the one they yoinked from Daredevil. Get on their level, you cowards.

No one will ever touch your perfection, DD S1, my beloved.

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Sunday Thursday Dinner

Do not let this man into your home. 🚫 He will look at your family photos and identify all of your weak spots.

jk I do very much enjoy Fisk's wide wandering eyes as he walks around the house, observing. It's so good. It reminds me (if anyone else knows the overlap here) of Vincent's character in Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Goren goes into a room and immediately studies any picture or book or object he can, learning everything about a person. It's exactly what Fisk was doing here, even if for reasons less than wholesome. I love when you can see the wheels turning in a character's brain.

I can appreciate a subtle flipping of authority between dinners. Fisk at the head of the table with Maya to his right and then the reverse of that. Nice.

Before this, if you said, "Yeah, I think Wilson Fisk would have a floral print picnic basket," you were LYING! No one could have predicted this bag. No one! You might counter with, "Yeah, but he didn't pick it out. A goon just put everything in there and handed it to him." Would you do that? Would you risk your life handing the Kingpin of all crime up the east coast a floral bag? You are so brave. You will be missed.

So there actually are a few bits of the show that make me think, "Okay, maybe Echo writers did watch Daredevil." It's The Little Things (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ When he brought wine, then Maya poured it out and he asked, "What happened to the Lafite?" I was ready to go "Rawr nooo. Fisk's character is supposed to be almost wine illiterate as a nod to his poor, uncultured origin." But wow, they saved it with his very next line being, "It came highly recommended." Okay, Echo. Echo, okay. For this, you get a point.

Handing the knife to Maya, so... mwah. 💋 It's arrogant, sure, and I'd be lying to say I hated that. But more than that, Fisk really is good at reading and predicting people. Forget muscle strength, THAT is his greatest asset. And he's not wrong. Maya doesn't (then or later) hurt or try to kill him again. He knows what it's like to let emotion take hold in the moment. That's why he understands and dismisses Maya shooting him. But he also knows she has a clearer head now. He feels no danger from her, knows she doesn't really want him dead. And he's right.

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Casino

"I can't remember a time... when I haven't loved you like a daughter."

I'm glad someone finally said it. Boo on the uncle/niece bit. Not to mention how many motifs of this series hit better and harder with a father/daughter relationship. Tsk tsk.

An interesting exchange here...

Maya: "You isolated me. Told me you were the only one I could trust. But it was all a lie. Even with these contacts, you got them because you didn't care enough to learn to sign." Fisk: "I was there for you!"

✨He is not wrong.✨ Obligatory groan at the ASL mention and... He's not wrong. Like I mentioned earlier, Maya's family abandoned her. Literally the only person who tried to keep up with her was Bonnie (angel), and Maya shunned her. (Which wasn't Fisk's influence because we see her ignoring Bonnie's texts before Fisk had a hand in swaying her one way or the other.) Maya was isolated because her family abandoned her or she cut them off. And Fisk. was. there. for. her. Without him, she seemed intent on ruining her life and getting arrested.

Granted, you'd be justified saying she wouldn't have been in that particular spiral without Fisk killing her father. (Too bad we'll never know why he did it.) But Willie could have died in a manner completely unrelated to Fisk, and her family would have reacted in the same way, not reaching out or being ignored when they do. Do you see what I'm saying? Fisk legitimately was the only person in Maya's life besides her father.

I think about... the people Fisk has told the story of his father's death to, speaking as if this is a true continuation of Daredevil. That would be Wesley (not shown but a given). Vanessa when he wants her to understand him and his past. And Dex, as he pulls the man back from the brink in an effort to make Dex see their similarity and how no one else could understand him like Fisk. (Other people know about it, of course, but I'm concerned with those whom he trusted to tell.)

It seems like the motivation swings between intimate trust and manipulation. Or it could be both with Dex. Honestly, who can read Fisk's mind with absolute clarity? Either way, it's a very small group. It's not insignificant that he tells Maya.

Love Fisk doubling down on "Maya won't kill me." Tripling down? First the knife. Then leaving himself completely unguarded with the door open while she has a gun. Then giving her the hammer and daring her. It feels less arrogant than with the knife though. He still knows she won't kill him, but it also feels less... certain here. But I like him using it as a challenge, as a "Now or never." Kill him already, or stop threatening it every five minutes. Very Fisk of him. 👌

I can't... articulate what his choice of words means to me, but they clutch at my chest as he says, "Free me!" Killing him will not only free Maya to move forward in her life, it will free him. Babygirl, how much do you hate this life you're in? ಥ_ಥ

I think I need to make another Daredevil/Echo gifset. With Fisk here saying, "Free me!" against him daring Matt in 3x13, "Come on, kill me!" (Wilson, do we need to put you on a watch?)

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The Little Things (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I like confirmation that Fisk has a jet in the MCU. There's tiny mention of it in Daredevil 1x11. I want to see the jet. Yes, thank you. I don't know what I'll do with this, but I like having it.

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1x05

Post Office

I'm sooooooooo normal about that old man. Really I am.

I like this scene. No real reason. But it is nice to watch socially handicapped Wilson try and conduct conversation like a normal person. Helping Chula pick up the mail.

I am VERY interested in a blink-and-you-miss-it line from him here. After Chula mentions losing her daughter.

"Yes, I've lost someone who I loved. It's the kind of pain you never quite get over."

*whom

I am gnawing at my keyboard. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Is it referencing something we should already know? Is it a nod to something yet to come, something Born Again will expand on? Is he just talking about how he "lost" Maya? Is it about his father? Is Vanessa dead in this universe??? What does it meeeeeeean?!?!?!?!

["Tell me!" Loki gif]

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Attempted Murder Spree

My second big beef.

I'm not gonna argue whether Fisk would kill people unconnected to his criminal underworld in order to hurt the ones that are. No, I think they got that part pretty accurate. Evidence abounds in comics and Netflix-verse. If he wants to kill Chula and Bonnie to punish Maya, I'd only ask why he didn't go ahead and round up Henry. This plan totally plays. (Actually, if we used only existing Hawkeye content for this MCU Fisk, it would be... less likely. He didn't threaten or go after Kate at all to get at Eleanor.)

What I find ridiculous is the notion he would attempt a massacre of the entire festival. Uh... what? Someone find me a single instance (comic or screen) where Fisk attempts such widespread death and destruction of innocents. By that, I mean with innocents as the intended target and not collateral damage.

When he bombed the Russians in DD 1x05, people were hurt, but from fallout, not intent. Though there are injuries, I'm trying to think if we get more than one confirmation of death. I don't doubt there may have been more, but... And you may want to point at the attack on The Bulletin, but, though terrifying, only three people died. And I'd posit the extra two were most likely to obfuscate that Jasper Evans was the real target. Unless we want to say Bullseye (Bulls-eye) missed a dozen times.

Anyway, I think this over-the-top plot point is us witnessing an MCU-ification of Fisk. Something they need to quash NOW. It's like... gah, they admit they want his character and want him to be a smaller scale villain, a "street-level Thanos," but they still want the high stakes of "aliens are killing citizens en masse." Well, no. You don't get it both ways. And it shouldn't be that way. Smaller scale means a smaller scale. Reduce everything but write it well enough that you still get that same feeling of anxiety and dread.

The episode plays exactly the same without that bit of OOC overreach. (All it did was give Henry and Biscuits something to do in the climax.) Like... literally. You can cut those scenes without affecting anything. Does that sound like good writing? No. Just like with the ASL bit, I think the burden lies on writers explaining WHY he would do this instead of acting like it's obvious and natural. And just because Maya turned him down? He'll massacre dozens of people? I, for one, am not convinced.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

The Trauma of It All

I already talked a bit about Fisk's experience being "healed" by Maya in this post. (By the way, was I the only one expecting it to heal his eye too? Ah well.) I could talk more on my annoyance of super powers that just do whatever the writers want them to in any given situation. But I breathe, center myself, and appreciate what I have been given.

I was pretty disappointed in Fisk's writing the whole episode (see point directly above) until this point. They got me back on board. They made a good decision with this final conflict and NOT having it be a physical one. While it makes Echo's writing feel all over the board, dehumanizing Fisk and the humanizing him again, looking at this one aspect feels so good for his character, for anyone who enjoyed his character before this series. Echo, you get... two points.

Visually, I love it so much. Except for the part where I want to take in every single detail of Fisk's childhood bedroom, but they cranked the fog machine too high. I see he is a Yankees fan (But what about those Mets, Spider-Man?) There's a toy helicopter in the window, a toy airplane on the chest of drawers, and a picture of a plane. Was anyone going to tell me little Wilson likes aircrafts or... There's a jar of marbles, jar of little animals. Very normal, cute room for a boy. Despite the disrepair and decay in the walls. This feels like it leans so much closer to Fisk's outright childhood poverty in the comics than just being lower class in DD.

OBVIOUSLY, I *chef's kiss* at the wonderful homage to the white wall/painting. High school English teachers could have a field day examining the symbolism. In DD 1x03, Fisk says the painting makes him feel "alone," and that emotion is perfectly captured here. We hear his parents on the other side of the wall, in the other room, but Wilson is alone in his bedroom, wanting it to stop.

I hate/love the despair and pain Fisk has being back here. I would never trauma dump on the internet. I'll just say Wilson Fisk continues to be a very relatable character for me. He is, all joking aside, very special to me, personally. And moments like this only strengthen the love I have for him. Also makes me want to slap around Fisk haters who refuse to take the time to understand him. Bah.

A small thing I like is that Fisk seems able to fully understand Maya in here. Whether because he just, ya know, understands ASL (she unlocked the sign language he forgot since Hawkeye ◉o◉), or because thought transcends speech inside his head, you decide.

(づ￣ 3￣)づ

I could speak for thousands of words and never finish conveying how much I love this scene. It was a very good call to go this route.

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I Am Petting the Loyal Henchman

The guy who helps Fisk, who points a gun at Maya, pulls him away, and puts him in a car before the police arrive?

This guy?

Give him a raise. He's very important to me, I decided. I'm going to call him Carl.

What are you about, Carl? Are you in it for the paycheck, or are you loyal to the boss? There is a Wesley-shaped hole in my heart that will never fill.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Mayor Fisk

Obviously excited for Mayor Fisk arc. There are a couple comic plots I've wanted to see Daredevil explore, and that's probably at the top of the list. (There is also Fisk and Matt working together in prison, but I'm less than hopeful we'll ever see it on screen.) I have so many questions about Fisk being mayor.

Do you think he'll still offer the job of Deputy Mayor to Matt??? Can he win honestly, or will he cheat? Can they show Fisk stealing an election without referencing ANY current events in the real world? Will the election be at the start of the series or mid-point, or will they save it (hopefully not) for a finale? Will they use this to set up future plots with Fisk?

I'm all abuzz with anticipation.

Only... over a year to Daredevil: Born Again! ╰(*°▽°*)╯

......................................................................................................................

On the very off chance you read all of this post or skimmed it and didn't see me address something you're curious of my opinion on, idk, just let me know. I'll ramble all day. Clearly.

#Marvel #Echo #Daredevil #Wilson Fisk #Kingpin #My Post #I love......................... Fisk #(´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

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petrock42clone · 9 months

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I haven't made a proper drawing of this guy yet but I made an MLP OC for Life Is A Party. Meet Parabia Topaz Pie, aka Private Pari.

(base made by Pixillon on DeviantArt 'cause I'm too lazy to actually draw rn)

In the original Muffins Saga, Pinkie used to have an older sister called Minkie. When I was first making the drafts for LIAP I wanted to make the story fit more with the cannon of G4 after Season 4, so I planned on replacing Minkie with Maud. However, I didn't really know how I would be writing Maud so I decided to instead make my own pie sibling OC.

Pari was Pinkie's twin brother who was favored more by their parents. Everything used to be normal until Pinkie killed her first victim. As she was disposing of the corpse, Pari had stumbled upon the site and tried to run away in fear. Before he could get away, Pinkie threw a rock at his head so hard that she thought he was dead. Not wanting her parents to find out, she left his body on the outskirts of a vaguely familiar town. Miraculously Pari was still alive but with no memory of his family.

Flash forward a few years later, Pari had become a detective dedicating his life to solving crimes. Recently a lot of people have started going missing in Ponyville. After his partner went missing, he's starting to that awfully familiar party pony at Sugarcube Corner is up to something.

Random tidbits of information:

He's 19

Voice claim is Neil Cicierega because I've associated the song "Touch Tone Telephone" with Pari way too much

This guy is a bit of a workaholic

I plan on making a side series written in the style of audio tapes where Pari recounts his findings surrounding the missing persons cases

Although I made this guy a month ago I just now realized I may have accidentally copied @muffins-rewritten 's OC Rinse Repeat (also go check out their project it's actually pretty good and I'm hyped to see what they have planned)

#mlp g4 #mlp fim #mlp muffins #mlp creepypasta #mlp cupcakes #mlp oc pony #mlp oc #i used a base

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spyroforlife · 8 days

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Hi! :D I recently commented on your story on AO3 and was very excited to see you had a Tumblr! :) We're actually the same age too ^o^ i wanted to hear more about the world in your story but didn't wanna have a full-blown conversation in your comment section, so I figured I'd send you a message here :) If you wanna chat you can reply or reach me on the chat thing here. Or Discord, if you want, just lmk :) (if not that's ok too~)

Oh hewwoo

Yeah I actually have a tag on my blog here for when I talked about the story before, #my vampire novel (you can click to go to the tag and see what all is in there)

One of the first things you'll probably see there is from like two years ago when I was posting it to Wattpad, and while Wattpad doesn't have every chapter yet it's further ahead than the story is on AO3. Once AO3 catches up to that point though I plan to post to both sites until it's fully uploaded

There might be some spoiler-y stuff in that tag too though! I'm pretty vague about future events in the story but I still talk about stuff that happens later, so. Just be careful in there, lol. If you go back far enough you'll see me talking about wanting to get it officially published and so on, but. In the end I decided I didn't want to do all that

It's a story I just enjoy for it's own sake, and I want to share it with the world for free. If I DO want to publish something original, well. I have a couple other ancient plot weasels I can dust off and turn into a novel. I'm not that worried about it tho, I think writing would stop being fun as soon as I try to monetize it, so

Anywayy I'm totally up for chatting about the story here or on AO3, doesn't really matter to me. I'm really happy to hear you're enjoying it that much :D

Which, btw y'all. I know I made an announcement that I was posting my vampire novel Enthralling to Wattpad back in 2022, but now I've decided to upload it to AO3, so if y'all want to check it out there, here's the link. I'll probably be posting a new chapter every couple days or so, it's a fully finished story anyway so might as well do frequent updates.

#vampires #my vampire novel #enthralling #writing #my writing

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hypnolordx · 27 days

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Big Announcement!

Hey everybody, hope you're all doing well.

Hoo boy this announcement's gonna be a big one for me, since I'm not usually the type to spill all my guts. To be honest even as I write it, I still feel slightly nervous about sharing it, but I'll give it my best shot and because this is my server, I decided I'd do this here first! (Sorry in advance, if this gets long)

Sooooooooooo...I've been teasing this "SECRET THING" I've been working on since the start of this year, and I've kep things vague because I wanted to get good enough to the point where I could show off what I've been doing with confidence. Maybe not perfected, but enough to show the results and be proud to some degree.

@everyone Hey everybody, hope you're all doing well.

Sooooooooooo…I've been teasing this "SECRET THING" I've been working on since the start of this year, and I've kep things vague because I wanted to get good enough to the point where I could show off what I've been doing with confidence. Maybe not perfected, but enough to show the results and be proud to some degree.

Well, after months of hyping it up, I think it's finally time to show off a little sample of just what I've been trying and continue to develop…and here it is!

So uh...yeah, I'm drawing stuff now, though I feel I need t explain what led me here.

I've been doing hypno art stuff for a while, ever since I started messing around in kisekae and making those multi-part images that were definitely rough around the edges by my standards now, and it's hard to believe sometimes that I've come so far. Sometimes I forget how much I interact with those I've been following for a long time on a more regular basis and just how many talented people are now in my orbit, honestly pretty amazing. At the same time, it's also made me realize some things I think I always knew about myself and my work, but never really confronted until recently.

Now some of you who've followed me long enough know I used to draw a long time ago, but stopped. I used to have a different art profile (not hypno-related mind you) and everything, but it didn't take off and the comments I got from the people around me, on and offline, on how my drawing looked were...eh...not great, so I kind of just gave up and moved on. It wasn't till later when I discovered kisekae and the rest is history. I even turned the "I got two left hands when it comes to drawing" thing into a joke to laugh it off.

Since then, I've kind of become a jack of all trades without even realizing it between all the manips, written works, and 3D stuff. I never really thought too hard about that, I always just enjoyed making things.

So it's fair to say I've dipped my toes into a lot of different mediums over the years. That being said, it's hard to call some of those distinctly "me".

For a while now I've been feeling like I've been missing something in my artwork, and it's become hard to not see the walls of limitations in each medium I've worked in (save for maybe writing, but that's not the point), which hampers just what I can make and how well I can make it.

For kisekae it's the perspective and what can and can't be done with it, for manips it's dependent on whatever screenshot I can find to work with, while 3D stuff expanded what I can do I still feel limited in what I can do with it (either do to the limits of what characters/objects/set pieces I have access to), and it feels like I don't always have that freedom of creativity some other artists have. The crazy part though, I kinda realized I was the one who put those walls up myself.

After being in such close proximity with so many artists and seeing all the cool stuff they've made, say they want to make, or even just tiny little trend/meme stuff they do, that feeling that my work has been lacking something only grew and I started to feel this sense of imposter syndrome, like I didn't fully earn the praise I got because I was over reliant on what I was using in order to keep up. That by comparison to everyone else, my work was becoming static, less interesting, even quantity over quality.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe that the work I've put into the bulk of my art is lazy per se, nor am I saying people who do kisekae, manips, or use 3D models (whether they made those or not) are either, for example I've seen tons of kisekae artists besides myself push the boundaries of what kisekae can do and I think that's incredible. Though I personally feel like I don't really have much room left to grow in it and that can make things feel like they're getting stagnant, so for a while it felt like I was just constantly trying to outdo myself but not getting the results I wanted.

There has been times where I release something and I look at it and go "Man, I wish I could've done this better..." and something I'm more proud of right next to it, and then I see the former blow up in popularity and I just sit there like "...okay but why though?", and that's been a hard feeling to escape.

Then there was that whole debacle when I came out and said, "I don't like AI Art, I'm against it completely, and I side with the artists who're having their works stolen to teach it.", to which a chunk of commenters responses boiled down to: "Um, actually, you don't even draw/you use kisekae/you do etc., so therefore your opinion on AI Art is invalid and you're a hypocrite for speaking out!"

I don't believe doing kisekae or manips is the same as AI Art for a pretty simple reason, a person still has to put in the effort and creativity to make it and make it good, so that comparison is bogus, so that comparison made me mad how many excuses I was hearing from those who just didn't want to put in the effort to actually make something...it's almost like if someone really wanted to, they could pick up a pencil and actually...I don't know...draw? Well...funny story about that.

So I was working on a manip one day (I think it was the Zom 100 Shizuka one?) and for that one I was learning how to edit in a line of drool for that image and I had a tutorial on drawing in liquid that I was following along with in additions to the usual eye edit...and suddenly I stopped and started to think to myself"Wait, what am I doing right now? ...I'm putting something into this image that wasn't there before by hand and from scratch...wait a second, I'M DRAWING!!!" and sure, it was a different kind of drawing, but it was drawing. Before when the subject came up, I'd always just shut it down because I thought I wasn't good enough to get back into it, but I realized in that moment that if I could do that, why couldn't I do more. Not just the eyes here or a detail there edited into a preexisting image, but why not an entire thing made from just my two hands? It sorta sparked something in me I didn't think was still there. And so, starting at the tail end of last year, I sat down with a beat-up old pencil in one hand and got to practice on a tiny note pad and I've been doing so almost every day since. (Now with mechanical pencils and an actual sketchbook XD) So to wrap this whole thing up is, yeah this is a thing I do now.

I'm not stopping with working with my other mediums right now, I don't have plans to quit those at this time, but I will say that in time I hope that this will become the main body of my work, which is part of the reason why I reduced the amount of output since these obviously take much more time than the kisekae and manips.

I'm not perfect, I'd be lying if I said I have mastered anything just yet, but I am trying my best, improving and getting better with each new step I take.

So for now, I'm just going to keep sketching and try to develop this skill. It will take time before I can make full art pieces, comics, or even do commissions regularly I think eventually I can.

So thanks for reading and I hope you join me on the rest of this journey I got going here! ^^

#hand drawn

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astercontrol · 2 months

Text

Callout post for myself

I'm writing this to clear the air about some things. Feel free to ignore if random vague fandom drama is not your thing.

At this moment, I'm not even sure if, or how much, anyone else is even thinking about these issues.

I do not know if, or how much, I may have inadvertently hurt others with the way I was doing things...

Basically...

I'm in a situation where I feel there' s been a conflict with some people. But none of the usual ways of trying to open communication with them feel… right, to me. It would be either DMing without consent, or addressing a post to them in public, and at the moment I don't feel they would be comfortable with either.

(This vagueposting approach is also… not good.)

(But it feels like the least bad option at this point. It won't force anyone to read these thoughts who's already decided they don't want contact with me. But I'll feel a bit more peace of mind knowing these thoughts are, sort of, in the open.)

Anyway.

...Until recently, this is what I had in the "About Me" post on my Tumblr blog:

DNI if: you don't wanna interact. (if I got any problem with the interaction I'll handle it, I'm a mature program with a block button)

I will block you:

… if your views are clearly so incompatible with mine that I don't feel we could ever have any positive interaction

…if we have already had interactions that I, for any reason, found too uncomfortable to handle

…if I see your posts on my dash a lot, but I notice that your blog says "NSFW blogs Do Not Interact" (or any DNI applying to me). I will do this because you don't want interaction from me, and I want to be sure I respect your boundaries and don't slip up and interact.

…(If you have already been choosing to interact with my posts, despite having me on your DNI list… then there's the additional problem that at this point I have NO IDEA how your boundaries work or what's the best way for me to respect them. So, again, I'll block.)

I've taken those words down and am considering something new to replace them. Because… I am trying to make some changes in how I handle these things.

I have enacted this "block people whose boundaries I don't understand" protocol. A couple of times, I think. Once that I remember clearly. Very early in my time on this tumblr account. It was somebody who had liked and reblogged several of my posts, and when I went to their blog, I saw "NSFW blogs DNI" prominently displayed.

This, of course, confused me. I freely admit to being a NSFW blog-- or at least, that I post pretty often about sexual attraction and sexual acts. If this person wanted to interact with me, why did they have a prominent post saying they didn't want interaction with blogs like mine? (And if they just hadn't seen the "NSFW" on my own blog before interacting, why would they expect others to check and see the "NSFW DNI" their blog before interacting with them?)

For the time being, I just... chose not to follow them, and not to go out of my way to interact. It was all I could think of to do.

But the status quo went on for a while: continuing to receive occasional likes and RBs from this stranger, and feeling increasingly uncomfortable about it… anxious that I might accidentally overstep a boundary.

Because… what even were this person's boundaries? How did they define NSFW, and in what circumstances did it actually bother them?

They had no problem sharing my tamer posts, so clearly their taboo didn't include "non-sexual interaction with a blog that sometimes posts about sexual topics." I felt pretty sure they'd be uncomfortable if I tagged them in any of those sexual posts or sent them a sex-related ask, which of course I had no plans to do... But their boundary must be somewhere in between, and it bothered me not to know where.

Eventually, I found it. A mutual of mine (someone else whose blog also openly admits to posting on NSFW topics) had reblogged a post from them.

It was a fandom post, an observation about a fictional character. My mutual had added commentary, but nothing sexually suggestive. I reblogged… and I made the mistake of putting something suggestive in my own additions.

The original poster-- in a move that somehow managed to take me by surprise-- reblogged it back from me, commenting something to the effect of "Don't add horny things to my posts."

And then I …well, I essentially panicked. And made the further mistake (at least, I now feel it was a mistake) of letting my panic response express itself with the block button.

At the time this made sense to me, for the reasons described in the About Me post that I quoted above. I had always agreed with those posts that sometimes go around, saying that it's perfectly valid to block others for your own mental health; that your online experience is there to be pleasant and relaxing, and there's no guilt in cutting off people who don't contribute to those feelings for you.

But later on (as things do sometimes go, over the course of gaining online social experience) I had an occasion to experience this from the other side. And it changed my feelings somewhat.

It wasn't an exact mirroring from the other side of what I'd done. The situation was different in a few big ways. But it did involve a person who blocked me without explanation.

Not a stranger or recent acquaintance. Someone who, up to that moment, had been treating me like one of their best friends-- including me in their private Discord server, replying to nearly everything I said, showing constant enthusiasm for every fan project I was working on. So, the sudden loss of contact felt to me like a totally unexpected double blow. Losing a close friend, and at the same time being implicitly accused of something, with no hint as to what.

What had I done? How had I hurt this person, badly enough to go overnight from friendship to complete non-interaction? What had I done that was so terrible that I was blocked from every avenue of even being able to reach out and ask this person what I'd done?

Since then, through conversations with others, I've been able to glean a general idea that this friend was experiencing a sort of crisis in their attempts to maintain an online social life that was beyond what they could deal with. It seemed they'd cut contact with a number of people, just for being part of certain social circles they no longer had the capacity to handle.

The patterns to which people they'd blocked were a bit confusing to me, but I imagine that my own… sometimes-overly-overt sexuality… might have contributed to why I was among them.

Unlike the stranger I'd blocked before, this person didn't have "NSFW DNI" on their blog; they were okay with talking about sexual topics in some circumstances. But not in all circumstances. And that boundary was never quite clear, to me or to several others who'd been in Discord servers and chats with them.

It's entirely possible that my own discussions of NSFW topics had overstepped the boundary and made this person uncomfortable, and that had been part of the reason for the block. It could also have been some other aspect of how I post (I do post about a pretty vast range of things, from silly and smutty to dark and depressing). Understandable, I guess, that anyone with certain mental health needs would need distance from that.

So... even though this all hurt a whole lot, I have been trying to understand or at least accept these other perspectives. I've been giving a lot more thought to how different people can have different ideas of what's a reasonable boundary to set.

And while there are some practical constraints on what one can realistically expect strangers on a huge online platform to adhere to... that doesn't change how individual people personally feel about their own boundaries, or whether I personally can feel some sympathy and some willingness to try and meet them where they are.

I've also been thinking about some things (which I discussed in the March followup to my February KOSA post) …some thoughts about communities that are built for mutual support in survival situations, and how their standards will differ when it comes to what's a dealbreaker for friendship. And how much effort people will put into trying to resolve conflicts when a group is smaller, less replaceable, and more necessary to one's life.

I mean, I'm not actually in that type of survival situation at the moment. But I'm becoming increasingly aware of how important communities are. And the community I've joined most recently through shared fandom interest is… a small, cult-classic sort of fandom, so the rareness and preciousness of good friends is kind of being hammered home to me at the moment.

And I have become more motivated to make some effort to heal what is broken, whenever I can.

I've never been good with conflict. Often my reflexive reaction to it is to isolate myself, to cut off interaction so I don't have to face what may have been wrong with it.

But I am trying to fight that response, because it's not healthy.

I've unblocked some people I blocked during those early conflict-phobic moments of panic. But of course I don't expect or feel entitled to be unblocked by anyone who has blocked me. As I've tried to express here, their reasons are their own... and while I may try my best to understand them, I acknowledge that I can't fully, and only the people who made the choices truly can. So I won't judge or expect anything in particular; only try to be open to whatever happens.

And I'm writing this post… not to try and argue against anyone, or convince anyone to do anything, but just to try and make clear what has happened from my end, and how I feel about it.

Like I said before, I don't know if others are even thinking or talking about any of this.

But my anxieties sometimes fear that they are, and that there may be people out there forming opinions about me, entirely from the other viewpoint in these conflicts.

And the only thing that eases that anxiety a little is… for me to communicate what I can, so that my viewpoint on what happened is at least out there.

Again, I know this was all vague... but, well, it's more info than was out there before, and I feel it would be wrong to go into much more detail. So, do with this information what you will. It's just me trying to make things a little less vague than real life seems to have made them.

#notron anyvirus #userworldproblems #drama #fandom #personal

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rubylarkspur22 · 10 months

Note

So I read your last post and I noticed you mentioning an AU where Nezuko regains her human personality and memories early and recently I had a similiar idea, but with Nezuko only having vague recolections instead of her full memory. If I ever decided to write it (extremely unlikely as it is), it would be mostly cannon complaint, with few exceptions, like Nezuko getting a mask from Urodaki to replace her muzzle (so she can still talk), Nezuko staying with Tamayo and reuniting with Tanjiro before/during the forest arc, Nezuko teaching Genya how to demon in the Swordsmith Village (he would also have a big moment when he uses Aizetsu BDA) and during pillair training. At least until the last arc, because as I mentioned on ao3, I really want to see Nezuko vs Kokushibo. There would also be some other self indulgent stuff in the last arc, such as different characters surviving and few different match ups in the infinity fortress arc (most notably Obonai & Mitsuri participating in the Akaza fight).

Sorry for throwing all of this at you, I originaly wanted to just ask you how does your Nezuko regains her self early AU, differs from cannon (beyond the obviuos), but I kinda ended up ranting about mine.

Ooh! Your version sounds pretty fun! And trust me, I do not mind fun story rambling, I would be a hypocrite if I did. I a hundred percent support you writing that, if you decide to do so!

Now buckle in, we got a long one!

My version is basically Nezuko wakes up after her coma, and is pretty much her human self. There is still some stuff missing, but she managed to get most of herself back. And she also decides the muzzle is BS and yanks it off at the exact moment Urokodaki comes in the check on her.

After that, Tanjirou comes back and he and Nezuko figure out what's missing and how to go about things. If Nezuko managed to conquer the sun shortly after her sleep, she would get a mask to hide her demonic features while she's hanging around humans. If not, she would still get the mask, but stay in her box during the day. This leads to fun Nezuko Box Commentary opportunities.

Aside from conversation abilities, Nezuko would also regularly fuss over Tanjirou, especially if he got hurt. He may be the eldest, but she's still got an obligation to worry about him as his sister. It also extends to his friends once she gets close to them too.

She would be quick to establish boundaries, especially around Zenitsu. No claiming her as his wife.

Also, Nezuko gets to rip some Hashira a new one during the trial. She would definitely tear into them for 1. not letting Tanjirou explain himself, 2. stabbing her repeatedly (Shinazugawa got the death stare, and suddenly remembered angry small people were, in fact, terrifying even without fangs), and 3. making a mess in the nice house and waving blood in her face. She also would NOT appreciate Himejima implying she possessed Tanjirou. Great offense would be taken at that, how dare he. She stays close to Tanjirou and any Hashira that didn't want her dead after then. Maybe she conquers the sun then, if she hasn't already, trying to protect Tanjirou. I read a fanfic with that premise, and it was really good.

Things go pretty similar for the Mugen Train Arc, but maybe Nezuko steps in against Akaza. Even if he doesn't fight women, all she has to do is get some of her blood on him and he's getting roasted. That might save Rengoku, then he can vouch for her personally!

RLD Arc still sees Nezuko go berserk, but maybe she manages to reign herself in a little until Tanjirou calms her down fully. When they get a moment, they absolutely talk about it and why Nezuko went as far as she did compared to fighting other demons. (My head canon is that Nezuko went so far then because she was, even if only subconsciously, terrified of losing the only family she had left.) Lots of crying, lots of hugs. Some apologies get tossed around. They probably also talk about seeing themselves in Gyutaro and Daki, because THAT would have gotten brought up and discussed if Nezuko wasn't brain fried!

Swordsmith Village, pretty much the same. If Nezuko already conquered the sun, I can imagine this epic scene of her just standing there while Hantengu burns, glaring at him as he begs for mercy or help. Kinda like Luz does to Belos in the Owl House finale, except Hantengu gets decapitated instead of stomped. And maybe hit with the blood arson.

I can see Nezuko participating in Hashira Training and insisting she take up the sword. Even if she didn't go to Final Selection. This would be for any number of reasons. She wants to help Tanjirou, she wants to be able to protect herself from demons that may try to capture her, she doesn't want everyone fighting and maybe dying to keep her safe, etc.

If she participated in the final battle, Yushiro would make sure she had one of his little eyes for invisibility. If she's gonna be sticking around and fighting, might as well limit her chances of getting spotted and captured. And I can definitely see her going after either Douma or Kokushibo. Probably Kokushibo because Douma is, well, Douma. Maybe she even goes after Nakime, burning the Biwa Demon so Yushiro can do his thing while Mitsuri and Obanai take the chance to provide backup to other Slayers(I like the idea of throwing them at Akaza). Once that's done, Nezuko goes to fight Kokushibo, possibly even saving Genya as she intervenes. Then Kokushibo would be confused because something just attacked him, but where tf is it? Honestly a BDA+Breath Style versus BDA+Breath Style fight sounds epic. And Nezuko would have an edge in that her BDA burns demons and slows their regen A LOT. You bet your bottom dollar she's using that!

Then we go to Muzan. He would definitely try to get her to come to him by threatening everyone else there, but ESPECIALLY Tanjirou. Muzan would be like "I killed everyone else in your family, you think I won't kill him? You think I won't draw it out and make it painful just to make you hurt?" Tanjirou still gets that hit to his eye and everyone gets the infection from canon. But not only does Chachamaru come in with some medicine, Nezuko can just burn the poison out! Which is good for Tanjirou, it'll mean he's no longer actively dying while fighting Muzan. From there, it would be awesome to see Nezuko and Tanjirou fighting Muzan together, and Nezuko burning Muzan while the sun does the same. He tries to devour her, but the remaining Hashira intervene. Tanjirou might still deliver the final blow, and then it's over.

If I were to do DKT in this AU, Nezuko would be the major fighter against her brother. Everyone is either too wounded or is emotionally unable to do it. And Nezuko, though she loves her brother and doesn't want to see him hurt or killed, understands that he isn't like she was. He can't control himself, and he could easily get someone killed if someone doesn't stop him. He promised to kill her and himself if she ate a human, she might as well return the favour and make sure his hands spill no human blood by any means necessary. So she throws herself at him, remembering Tamayo saying something about Nezuko's blood helping another demon regain themselves. She lets him bite her, using her BDA to try and burn out Muzan's influence while also trying to get through to Tanjirou verbally. He starts to slow down, and Kanao administers the booster shot of the antidote.

Once Tanjirou comes back, and they know it's over, Nezuko takes her own dose of the antidote. Even with the fever and pain it causes her, she refuses to leave her brother's side. Luckily, she's only transforming back for one night. The first thing Tanjirou sees when he wakes up is his little sister as a human again. Cue the tearful hugs. And from there, it goes as it did in canon. With a few more survivors, of course. Genya and Sanemi go travelling together, Mitsuri and Obanai get married, all that good stuff.

BONUS! Little Sibling Club! Nezuko, Muichiro, Senjurou, Genya, the entire Butterfly Team, Giyuu. They get together at least monthly, if not weekly. There's tea, and snacks, and chit-chat. This includes unintentional therapy sessions, all of them are horribly traumatized in some way or another. Some of them might have decided to gang up on Sanemi and dogpile him on sight.

#demon slayer #kny au #kamado nezuko #manga spoilers

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justice4sasuke · 2 years

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That's a lot of panels but this explanation is a lot and we're about to get into the weeds with it so let's do this.

Let's start with where this makes sense. We've talked a lot about Sasuke's worshipping of Itachi. He was doing it when he hated Itachi whether he realized it or not and he was doing it after he found out the truth. So yeah, Sasuke's complex would continue to the point where he just assumes all of Itachi's actions are right and would follow them blindly and to the detriment of himself and others, right...?

Except, then what was the point of that final moment between them? The one where Itachi point blank said "I was wrong" (while not knowing completely why he was wrong because that would make Konoha look bad (this will be a running theme)). Because from a story writing perspective it would make sense that Sasuke internalized that and, okay, after that Sasuke decides he wants to know what a village is and what shinobi are. I'm not really sure where that came from, but I'll let it slide. So Sasuke discovers what a village is and shinobi are and then apparently for some reason either forgot or did not even internalize what Itachi said about being wrong? Uh, why? What was the point of Sasuke and Itachi even having that conversation then? It seems to me that regardless of what the point was supposed to be at the time, by the time we got to the end of the story Kishimoto needed an excuse for Sasuke to 1. want to fight Naruto/be the final obstacle 2. be blatantly wrong and so Kishimoto said fuck it and made it that way regardless of what would make sense for the character he'd been writing until then.

Speaking of, let's talk about how completely wrong this is in a way that does not service to Sasuke's character, but does all the service to Naruto's. As has already been obviously shoehorned in, Naruto's recent thing to make it seem like he had an arc, or a more noble point than just wanting attention, was that Naruto understands that people need to work together to achieve things and make everything better and Naruto is a special, awesome sunshine boy that everyone roots for and thinks is great so clearly he is the best choice for hokage. Meanwhile poor misguided Sasuke thinks that he has to shoulder all burdens alone and he is wrong and his life is sad, if only he'd accept others everything would somehow be better. Even though like how can you say Sasuke refuses to let others in when the entirety of the series has been people refusing to validate any of his feelings??? And Sasuke is just inherently not a personable person??? And once again what does the title of hokage have anything to do with Sasuke other than Obvious Reason to Conflict with Naruto????

So, if none of the Sasuke's stated aims make sense for his character what would make sense? Well, in a bold move Kishimoto lightly brings it up and then sidesteps it. He is alone. He says, hands shaking, he has no father, mother, brother or clan. And why does he not have that? Because of Konoha, because of a village, because of shinobi. Why wouldn't someone want revolution after that? But then, Sasuke would have a point wouldn't he? So instead, this is about being a new kind of hokage that takes all of the evil of the world onto themselves for the sake of everyone (because Sasuke was always the martyr type??). Don't worry, Kishimoto will put in a vague hint that Sasuke just agrees with Itachi that his clan should have died (while also clearly being upset that everyone he loved was killed??) because he's smart enough to know he shouldn't have Sasuke say it outright, but not a respectable enough writer to accept the consequences he wrote into his own story.

This is embarrassing writing and it's an embarrassing way to treat a character that has been pretty well written up until this point. And frankly the fact that it happened to one of my favorite fictional characters ever hurts me.

#justice4sasuke #i know we talk about how naruto sucks and it does #but it still gave us sasuke and as is clear by now i LOVE sasuke #so seeing his character be treated like this hurts my heart a lot

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pjsim2001 · 2 years

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Bejeweled Deluxe Review - The Birth of Match 3

Summary ★★★☆ Enjoyable

Bejeweled Deluxe is a legendary and well crafted game from back when puzzle games actually existed. Its simplicity and age could be a turn off for some, but others might find it refreshing and nostalgic. Either way, this is the game that started the match 3 genre, and it's an alright one to start with.

For more game reviews, check out https://pjsim2001.tumblr.com/reviews.

Background

For most of my life, I've played the same old games - platformers like Mario and Sonic, Wii stuff, and maybe a few FPS and miscellaneous party games. But recently I decided I wanted to branch out and try to add some new games to my repertoire, and maybe find something new to obsess over.

For some unexplained reason, Bejeweled popped up into my head. The game was something that I knew of... but had never played, or even really seen in action. It existed as a vague constant in the universe, but not one present in the gaming culture of today - I read an article somewhere calling Bejeweled "the Gone With the Wind of gaming", and I think that's an accurate description - TECHNICALLY massively popular and has iconic aspects, but not immediately memorable. Nowadays when people think of "match 3", they think of Candy Crush, the popularity of which and what it's done for the King company I can't even quantify.

Makes you wonder, whatever happened to PopCap, the company that made Bejeweled? They also made freaking PLANTS VS ZOMBIES (and Peggle as well, don't think I forgot about that) - you'd think that with a literal genre defining game like Bejeweled and one of the quintessential mobile games up there with Angry Birds like Plants vs Zombies, PopCap would be on par with King, having their games on the front page of the App Store... well, they got bought out by EA. Enough said.

So when looking for a Bejeweled game to play, I decided to skip anything modern and check out the past entries. I started with Bejeweled 2, and long story short, I'm now addicted to the entire series.

As of the writing of this review, I've played 1, 2, Twist, and 3, and I plan on making reviews for each one of them. Which is the best version? What does each version offer? Well, let's get started.

Graphics & Presentation

...OK, it's just the version I got, but the first thing I was jumpscared with when opening the game was this "Best Buy game center" window. I had no idea such a thing had ever existed. And look at that selection of ratchet ass flash games! Games like that are really nostalgic for a late 00s/early 10s Internet kid like me. But anyways, this popup is a bit annoying. The game is also installed in the start menu under "Best Buy Games" with a link to the website (which, by the way, now redirects to an Oakland Airport website?!?!?). If you're an epic hacker like me, you can get around the launcher by just changing the shortcut to open Bejeweled.exe instead of Launcher.hta, but yeah. At least the Best Buy ads haven't infiltrated the game, unlike back when Bejeweled was web only and was pimped out by Microsoft to advertisers.

That aside, here's the title screen of the actual game:

And what you see when you click there to play:

My friend described it best: "Cool Math Games?". You can definitely tell that this game originated as an online game, with the whole sidebar with small gameplay size, the onscreen logo, and the title screen with the "Click Here to Play!". Plus, when you get a high score, it'll tell you whether it was the best "for the day" which clears when you close the game (even if you come back the same day), which I bet is a holdover from online leaderboards. I also read that apparently the game didn't even HAVE a save feature until a later revision!

Needless to say, the game is dated, but in general, pretty nice. Unfortunately, the only resolution the game runs at is 640x480 - you can go fullscreen, but you can't stretch the window, which might be a visibility problem on high resolution displays. Good thing the gems are varied enough in shape and color to be distinguishable. There are also some charmingly classic effects, like rainbow text inbetween levels that warps and twists, as well as the gems swirling into the center of the screen when clearing a level or flying all over the place "exploding" when you lose. They also shimmer underneath your mouse cursor, and flip around in 3D when selected.

One weird quirk is that the high scores are hidden under the options menu. At first I couldn't find it, so I thought it meant that I'd have to complete a game every single time I wanted to see my scores! Also, the game shows the "swap these two gems!" tutorial every single time you open the program without a game in progress, which is a bit annoying, because you're forced to move that specific gem the game tells you to. Oh well.

Gameplay

Bejeweled introduced what's now referred to as match 3 gameplay - you start out with a board filled with gems, and you have to clear them by switching two adjacent gems to make rows or columns of 3 or more alike. If switching them won't cause a match, then the gems will return to their position and nothing will happen. But if you get a match, all the gems in the match will then disappear, causing the ones above them to fall down to fill the space, with more appearing from the top.

You'll get more points the longer your rows and columns are, or if switching two gems causes two different sets to be matched. The biggest way to earn points however is to "cascade", which is when making a match causes other gems to fall on top of each other to match and automatically clear themselves - the points will rack up the more cascades you make one after another.

The game has two modes: Normal and Time Trial.

Normal has you matching gems to reach a certain amount of points to clear the stage, represented by the bar at the bottom. There's no time limit, and the point requirement increases per level. What you'll need to be careful of though is running out of moves - you'll want to try and move the gems around in a way that'll maximize the amount of moves you can make, all the while trying to set up cascades and large matches. If you need help on finding a match to make, you can press the big bulbous purple button and it'll show you which gem to move, but at the cost of some points.

Time Trial uses the bottom bar as a timer instead. It starts out halfway full, then starts to tick down as time passes. You fill the timer by scoring points, so you'll need to make matches quickly and constantly to keep the bar from becoming empty. The bar moves faster and faster each level, so it'll reach a point where you'll need to make large matches and cascades to keep up. Luckily, you can't run out of moves in this mode - if you do, the gems will fall out and reshuffle themselves. You'll still want to try and be strategic with making moves though, since the less moves you have, the harder it'll be to find the next one, especially since you'll be rushing. Plus, the hint button basically becomes a suicide button past level 2, since it'll drop your timer.

You'll be surprised by how addicting Bejeweled is once you get to playing it. Just matching the gems is satisfying with the game's sound design, and getting cascades and watching as all the gems start falling and disappearing as the points rack up and the funny low resolution voice announcer dude congratulates you is one of the greatest feelings in gaming. People compare this game to Tetris, and I'd say it's a pretty good comparison - when things fit just right, it's a good feeling.

That does bring up the issue of randomness. As my pre-Bejeweled self expressed, it can seem like the game is basically just random in deciding whether or not it'll drop the right gems in when you need them. As post-Bejeweled me will confirm, lots of cascades will happen not because you planned them, but because the right gems generated from above at the right place (which is good and fun sometimes, but...). Sometimes it can be unfair to feel like you're making all the right and careful moves, only to get screwed over by bad gem generation, or even worse (and most INFURIATINGLY), the game will randomly decide to give you a cascade that ends up interrupting a move you're trying to make by shuffling the gems around and bricking a part of the board. Furthermore, while I can't confirm whether or not the gems that fall from the top are randomly generated or not, I felt that the later levels (in Normal mode) would give you less and less useful gems for the situation.

However, there's strategies you can employ to try and reduce the chances you'll get screwed over. Generally, you want to try and make matches near the top of the board at first, then make ones near the bottom when things start getting tricky in order to move gems around with gravity, or hopefully get some cascades to clear things out. I'd say it isn't any more random than getting screwed over by not getting a straight line piece in Tetris, and it isn't any less fair then the later Tetris levels where it gets so fast you can't move pieces to certain locations - and if you dared tell any pro Tetris player that the game is luck because the pieces you get are random, your ass is getting t-spinned out of the room. Bejeweled is the same way I think; there are pro moves you can make that aren't 1000% sure, but very good for your chances - I've been playing for a little while so I know this, but I still have much to learn (as you'll see when we get to Bejeweled 2, but that's a different story).

Music

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Something notable about Bejeweled is it's YUMMY soundtrack. It's in the "tracker" format, so it's played live in-game with its own instruments, sort of like how a retro game console would do it, and it's better than generic Windows MIDI instruments.

The soundtrack was composed by electronic musician Peter Hajba (proving once again that Peters make the best stuff😎), also known as "Skaven", who's gonna be reappearing in the future for sure - and this is one heck of a start. The soundtrack is made up of three songs: "Autonomous" for the title screen, "Network" for normal mode, and "Data Jack" for time trial. All do an excellent job at creating a bright industrial electronic vibe that's catchy as all hell.

"Data Jack" in particular just blew my balls off the first time I heard it and the Sega Genesis-ass drums kicked in; it pumps you up and gets you scanning the board to find matches and watch the gems go flying. "Network" is also perfect, going much slower and more thoughtful, while also bringing straight heat with the way the music changes and evolves.

The only negative is that I think some people might find the whole bleep bloop retro style a bit annoying and grating. But me personally, I like electronic music and catchy stuff that has a little gritty character, so I love this soundtrack.

Verdict

Bejeweled, even here in its most basic form and after all these years, is still super addicting and fun to play. I love seeing how far I can get in both modes, whether I'm deep in thought and vibing with normal mode, or in the mood to kick some butt with my eyes darting across the screen in time trial.

Maybe not EVERYTHING about the game has aged super well, and there's plenty that later versions do much better than this entry, but the basics are all here and accounted for, and the presentation is still better and more professional than other shovelware, copycat match 3 games I've seen online before.

★★★☆ Enjoyable

Bejeweled 1-3 & Twist are relics of a time before puzzle games just became ways for mobile developers to mine ad revenue for revives, or pull some psychological tricks to extend game time by forcing you to wait for lives and stamina or whatever. Original Bejeweled is just like original Tetris, and I think it's worthy of being on the same level - it's a simple game you can pick up and enjoy, no BS.

I think even this first entry holds its own against current offerings, and even against its sequels to an extent. Later versions can get a little explosion-happy, which is great in its own way, but there's also something to be said about the rawness (& nostalgia factor) of this one.

I actually DO recommend checking out one of its sequels first (in fact, even something like Microsoft's replacement might actually be objectively better AND its online w/o download), but I can't give this game two stars man, it's just so damn good. Check it out if it looks appealing!

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breesays · 1 year

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Des-cap 2022

Is this blog also a kind of baby book? Yes. This is record-keeping. I have a very full-to-the-brim physical baby book, but I frequently refer back to digital musings for milestones and such.

SO, tonight he is happy-raging because he can write an upper case "R". A marvel to me that he even knows the difference between upper case and lower case because I didn't teach one or the other first and this fascination with writing letters and numbers came about after picking up a dry erase lettering book at a mom's club toy and clothing swap.

We spent Christmas with The Dodges and I think maybe he finally knows Christmas is a day (a season?) a spirit, and not just a place in Mountain View. My brother in law asked me several times what I wanted to DO while I was there, and while I appreciated it, all my needs were being met. Someone else was deciding what to feed Des. Someone else was reading him the same book 6 times. Someone else was fielding his barrage of questions. That's it. That's all I wanted - a bit of the mom weight off so I could breathe. It was wonderful. We slept hard, ate hotel breakfast, approached festive inflatables with curiosity, jumped in massive puddles, had dance parties, painted, colored, told jokes, shared meals and even squeezed in a few christmas crafts. I long for the day that Sarah allows sequins in crafting, which she considers an insidious cousin of glitter.

He's three and a half, we co-sleep. I'm OK with it, I feel like I sleep better with his little body huffing next to me, as opposed to being attuned to yelps and whimpers from a room away. It often means I don't get any extra time to myself after he goes to bed, except to read on my Kindle, but that's OK too. If I keep the same schedule as he does, I can match his energy, his brightness. He works as a barrier, too, since Tim and I are emotionally but not physically separated. I (maybe weirdly) like it a lot when I wake up in the inky blue light and see both of them stretched out on their backs, arms stretched over their heads, sleep noises puffing out of their mouths. I like what we made.

We are not a minimalist household. Sometimes we can't even see Desmond's bedroom floor because it's covered with balloons. It always looks like it was just someone's birthday. He does get screen time - Little P is his favorite YouTuber and Bluey is pretty much a free for all on weekends and vacations. I like that what he's watching inspires him, though - doesn't just trap him into a zombie consuming state. He wants to replicate what he sees, what he hears, what they play. I've found both Bluey and Daniel Tiger helpful in tough situations, or when I want to illustrate something. "Tactical wee" is a solid from Bingo.

We are approaching some big changes when Tim moves out, but I don't think it has to be traumatic. I like that in stories and cartoons and ~overall~ more than a traditional nuclear family is presented. I didn't know how much it meant to see yourself in media until I realized I couldn't find myself for DECADES. And we aren't warring, like my parents were when they split. Sometimes its hard for me to even understand WHY we are separating, if most of the parts are still moving, but I also realize that I can't assume that my experience is the same as Tim's. I respect that he needs space to figure that out.

We went to my sister's without Tim this year, but it was apparent upon our return that Desmond had missed Dada time. Even when he is playing with me he wants to "make presents" for Dada, to show Dada something. He wants to badly to capture his attention. To earn it? IDK. He can write both "mama" and "dada" and damn if that isn't impressive.

He likes to have a limb or two touching one of us when he sleeps. He asks me what I'm reading as he dozes off. One night I told him the book I was reading and he said, "I thought you were reading It Girl? How did he remember a vague title of something I was reading a month previous?

I recently read a book about someone who was addicted to motherhood and being pregnant and my mind was almost totally blown. I'm glad I experienced it but I don't want to do it again. I want to pour all my work, my love, my answers into Des. I hope he never asks for a sibling, because with his impeccable manners, he often eventually gets what he asks for.

I like that he quickly adopts our words: Actually, consideration, gamut.

I love to watch him dance. From his mambo moves in his preschool’s Winter Show to his special invented “99 Red Balloons” dance, it’s incredible to witness How a little person without self consciousness chooses to occupy the space, to express their joy. It kind of makes you wonder about that line, “dance like no one is watching” -- when did you realize anyone was watching?

#breesays #parenthood #parenting #2022 #toddlers

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 4 months

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John Robins and Elis James have this thing where on the podcast after their radio episodes, they'll take turns talking about a band they really like, and will play a bit of a song by them. Bands that aren't on the Radio X playlist so they don't get to play it during the actual radio show, and they can't do more than 30 seconds because of copyright, but it's enough to sort of introduce the audience. It's cool, I've already learned about a few things I like from there.

Every time I hear it, I feel vaguely jealous that they get to tell people about music they like, explain what it is and why they like it and what they know about it, and then play it for people. Because doing that is so much fun and I want to do it. And then I remember that I can, because you can put whatever you like on Tumblr. To a slightly smaller audience than Radio X, but still.

So I might end up doing a bunch of these, but for today, I've decided I wish to tell you all about Mike Plume. A man from New Brunswick, in Canada's East Coast music scene. Canada's East Coast pretty much consists of four provinces: Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick, and Newfoundland. Of those, Newfoundland and Nova Scotia are known for their rich and complicated and individual cultures, very separate from Canadian culture as a whole. Prince Edward Island is too small to have much, but is a big tourist attraction because it's very pretty and they have red sand and Anne of Green Gables. And New Brunswick is a province no one cares about until they have to drive through it to get to Nova Scotia (as I have done many times). It's just there. I have a lot of East Coast music in my collection, but I think only two New Brunswick bands, Mike Plume and The Divorcees.

There's a big East-West divide in Canada. It's changing rapidly in recent years, but broadly, for a the last few decades, there has been Western Canada, which has a lot of money because that's where the oil is, and Eastern Canada, which has no money because its economy was built on the fishing industry that is a mess for various economic and environmental reasons (also, Ontario, which everyone hates and that's where I live, and Quebec, which everyone hates for other reasons, also there is Up North). So there is a huge system of people from the East Coast taking jobs in Alberta, which is Western Canada, to work on the oil rigs because there's no work back home. There's a common joke in Canada that says the second largest city in Newfoundland is Fort McMurray, which is actually a mining town in Alberta, but apparently all the people there are Newfies who moved for a job. I always assumed this story must be an exaggeration, but I once went on a date with a woman from Fort McMurray who told me she nearly picked up a Newfie accent while living there.

Because of this, Canadian East Coast music has a huge tradition of songs about people from the East Coast picking up and moving to Alberta and being sad because they miss the sea and sky and nice people back home, and out here there's just prairie dust and oil and cowboys. There are a lot of songs about it. Songs that East Coast musicians write from the perspective of people they know who've moved out there, or of people they've made up.

Here's what's cool about Mike Plume: he actually lived it. He came from New Brunswick but then worked on the oil rigs in Alberta, so when he writes songs about it, it's real. And that is the too-long backstory of the song that might be my favourite Mike Plume song, Coming Home Again:

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It's a song about a guy returning to his hometown after being away for months working on the oil rigs in Alberta. And a song that once again laments the way New Brunswick is a forgotten part of Canada's East Coast, even to the Albertans who welcome the East Coast labourers: "They're working in the tar sands, drinking in the Oil Can/They think we're all from Newfoundland, bartender bottoms up."

In 2018, a friend of mine who coaches in Toronto somehow talked me into going with him to coach the provincial team at a tournament in Atlantic City. I'm sure I'd hate Atlantic City at the best of times, but these were not the best of times, the trip was terribly organized, and by the end of it I told my friend "I've known you for years and treasure our friendship, but also, this friendship will not survive another fucking trip to this horrible place, never make me come here again." As we crossed the border back into Canada, I blasted Coming Home Again by Mike Plume, and I was so happy to be out of there and back here, and that's the memory I think of every time I hear this song now. Freedom from the fucking lights of the casinos.

That backstory is relevant not just to the one song, but it sort of explains Mike Plume in general. Because Canada also has a divide in music - by and large, you get a certain type of folk music, often Celtic-influenced folk music, on the East Coast, and you get country music in Western Canada. Mike Plume was an East Coster who lived in the West, and he does both really well. He does country songs with fiddles in them. He does Celtic songs with country twang in them. He has some pure folk and some pure country songs, and a lot in between. And he makes rock music. He's a lot more rock than most East Coast musicians, on the surface it's just country-rock music but then there's the New Brunswick folk influence too. I really like it.

He wrote one of those "alternative Canadian anthem" songs that a lot of Canadian folk singers have tried, few have made as catchy as Mike Plume (called 8:30 Newfoundland because Canada has 4.5 timezones - Pacific, Mountain, Central, and Atlantic time are all 1 hour apart from each other, and then there's something called Newfoundland Time that's 30 minutes later than Atlantic Time because Newfoundland is a rock in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean that gets a timezone to itself, so in the East Coast provinces on Atlantic Time, all the ads will say that some program airs at "8 o'clock, 8:30 Newfound"):

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My favourite Mike Plume album is Fools for the Radio, from 2001. I think is has the best mix of his faster, more rock influenced stuff, and his nice slower songs. I think When in Rome is one of those songs that gets better every time you listen to it:

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I saw him play Dimaggio live at the Black Sheep Inn once, when I was going through a phase of deciding everyone needs to stop doing love songs because there are too many of them, and the notes he hit in that song in that pub made me change my mind.

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One time I listened to We Both Knew when I was mad at my friend who made me got to Atlantic City to a coach a horrible American tournament, and it made me so wistful about all the stuff we've been through together that I never wanted to be mad at anyone again.

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But the last song I'm going to share is not from the perfect album Fools For the Radio, it's from the 8:30 Newfoundland album. It's called Stay Where Yer To. It's named after a Newfie expression that goes "stay where yer to til I come where yer at", which means "stay where you are until I get there".

It's a song that always made me think of another friend of mine, because our relationship was largely based around texting each other a few times a week to see which pub the people were at, so we could join. He really loved his group of friends, he was always obsessed with making sure everyone had been informed of where we were so everyone could be part of stuff, and everyone had enough to drink, and we could all make the most of whatever nights we had. Also, he was an alcoholic and our friendship was largely based around drinking too much together, and the song Stay Where Yer To is about that too.

So the song made me think of him even when he was still around. Then, three years ago today, he died. Which is, to be honest, the entire reason I've written this post. I've been playing Stay Where Yer To on repeat all day, and it made me want to make this post about Mike Plume so I could have an excuse to post the song. I can't find a version of it on YouTube with good audio quality, but if you pick just one Mike Plume song to listen to, I highly recommend clicking play on this one, because it's lovely:

After he died this song took on a bit more meaning for me, because while I don't literally believe in that stuff, there was a lot of talk among our friends about him waiting in the big pub in the sky for the rest of us to eventually join him and have another drink with him up there, and it's been a weird day today, I've listened to this song a lot of times and it nearly made me cry on the bus to work. It really is a lovely song.

(...I might do other posts like this where I just write down information about musicians I like, I promise they will not all turn into eulogies about my dead friend. Just this one. I hope.)

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