#just… the development journey I took with Haya was so completely unexpected | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

myname-isnia · 11 months

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I have. SO MANY THOUGHTS about toxic codependent sibling relationships and the parallels between Haya & Ghazan and Suiren & Midori, and I really want to write a meta analysis digging deep into the depths of it all but it’s half past 4 a.m and my brain barely functions, so for now here have a Haya-related meme I made:

#no you don’t understand I’m actually starting to feel for and sympathise with Haya what the fuck have I done #no a shitty childhood doesn’t excuse her actions but still. I can’t stop thinking about angsty gutpunchy concepts about her #but she’s on the receiving end instead of the other way round #it’s like that asoue quote #‘you must understand. he had a bad childhood’#‘I do understand. I’m having a bad childhood right now’#just… the development journey I took with Haya was so completely unexpected #originally she just existed as a fill in for the Ghazan’s older sister role that’s 66% canon #barely characterised. vague mentions of her being slightly apathetic but not bad #then I wrote the flashback in chapter 3 of sotrl which featured Suiren remembering how Haya taunted her about her parents’ imprisonment #not in detail or with any dialogue. just a statement that it happened #that’s when things took a turn for the worse #I don’t really remember when I decided Haya was downright abusive not only emotionally but physically too #I think I just realised that suiren wouldn’t be the way she is if her guardian was even halfway decent #and this Haya the way she is now was born #and I always knew that she had a less than ideal life starting since again. she raised ghazan so smth must have happened to their parents #but it was pretty vague up until recently when I decided I wanted to write or draw something from her POV #and everything took shape and I started coming up with more and more angsty ideas #and somehow ended up humanising her. making her more than just an abuser who hurts for the fun of it #she’s a deeply broken woman whose obsession with protecting her brother drove her to a lonely and bitter existence once her brother left her #who takes all those feelings of hurt and anger and betrayal out on the living proof of what said brother abandoned her for #she’s a prime example of what happens when one person doesn’t realise that their codependency became one sided #and when that same codependency is cut off with no prep or warning #in a way… she’s a haunting mirror to who Suiren might’ve become #and that just adds to the tragedy of it all #okay it is nearly 5 a.m now so o shall be going to bed lest I end up dead inside at my grandma’s tomorrow #i’ll expand on this later #byeeeeee good night))

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