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todayisawthewhxlewxrld · 6 months

Text

"are you longing, is it Killing Time?"

"if i’m honest, think i want it. no more talking, no more nonsense."

synopsis// you work at a ballet studio and suna works at the karate dojo next door.

pairing// rintaro suna x gn!reader

word count// 3.9k

contents// ooc suna? idk he's like kinda smug in this... ive never written for him before so heed my warning. slight enemies to lovers but like kinda not really. osamu's obligatory accent. plot kinda speaks for itself i have no other warnings besides the fact that this kinda (majorly) sucks...

requested// by an anon!! im SO sorry this took me so long to write!!

notes// i know i said id never write for haikyuu again but i lied ok? take it. do what you will with this. sorry if this is all over the place... i feel very out of my element writing for haikyuu again LMFAO. also if anything mentioned about karate or ballet is wrong sorry!! i took ballet ONCE and taken karate never xoxo tbh i think the plot probably wouldve worked better as an smau but im not doin all that (respectfully.) anywho this was also inspired by killing time by movements (TOOOO GOOODDDDD)

Classical music and the whispers of the kids eight-counting their steps echo throughout the room. Everything is peaceful and as it should be... That is, until the mirror walls begin to vibrate violently from the sudden blaring of music from the studio next to yours. All the kids turn to look at you, confused about what’s happening, and you flash them a small apologetic smile.

“You guys keep practicing, okay? I'm gonna go next door and ask them to turn it down.”

Satisfied with your guidance, they nod, and you quickly walk out. Though not comfortable leaving a bunch of children unsupervised, you leave your studio door open to make sure that you’re still able to hear them from outside. You sigh before walking into the next studio; frankly, you had gotten this far without having to interact with anyone else, and you just wished it would stay that way. Neither the kids nor their instructor seem to notice your presence. And even though you clear your throat, no one hears you.

“Excuse me!”

Suddenly all heads are turning toward you, and you reflexively dig your feet into the floor to stop yourself from running back out. Their instructor waves the kids off, having them go back to practicing whatever karate move he had just taught them before walking up to you.

"Can I help you?” he says, his eyes boring into yours.

And suddenly. Suddenly, you hate him. Or, at the very least, strongly dislike him. He blasts his music, knowing damn well the walls are thin, and then has the audacity to give you attitude?

“Are you gonna say something, or are you just gonna stand there all day?” He stops and briefly looks you up and down, a small smirk playing on his face. "Actually, I wouldn’t mind that.”

Your jaw clenches, giving him the nicest smile you very well could muster. “Can you turn down your music? It’s distracting my kids.”

He hums and appears to consider it for a moment, and you're almost grateful—almost, because then he has to open his stupid mouth again.

“Maybe if you say please.”

Your eye twitches. "Okay, you know what? Nevermind." You glance over at his students briefly, making sure they aren't looking at the two of you, and when you confirm that they aren't, you flip him off, and all he does is laugh. You groan, and if you could slam his studio door shut without the glass shattering, you would.

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

To no one’s surprise, he didn't stop playing his music at full volume—he claimed it pumped the kids up, and sure, maybe it did, but all it did was distract your own. And eventually, you two somehow fell into a game of who could play whose music louder. Considering your music consisted of different ballet numbers, it's safe to say he always won.

Week after week, you'd show up in his studio and ask him to just turn his music off, to lower the volume, to do something other than drive you crazy, but all he'd do was poorly flirt and smirk, his eyes always on you one way or another, and if you weren't so annoyed by him, you’re sure you would have found him captivating. It's not surprising when one day he’s the one showing up at your studio—you're actually excited about it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he’s finally given up and is here to apologize. When you approach him and find all his students outside behind him, you quickly realize that's not the case. You glance between him and the kids.

“You guys go in and make friends, yeah?” You say as you move out the way to allow his students into your studio. You wait until they're all inside before stepping out and closing the door behind you. You whisper harshly, “What the fuck do you want?”

"Wow, you use that kind of language around your students?” He asks, his smirk all too evident on his face as he crosses his arms.

You stare at him blankly, no amusement etched on any of your features, and he awkwardly clears his throat.

“Our studio flooded.”

“Okay… What does that have to do with me?"

His shoulders slump as he groans. "Oh, c’mon.”

“How am I supposed to know what you want if you won't use your words like a big boy?” you ask, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

He glares at you, and for once, it seems like you're the one getting under his skin. “Fuck you.”

You mockingly tut and shake your head. "Wow, you use that kind of language around your kids?”

He stands there and kicks at the sidewalk, clearly having some internal debate you don’t care enough to ask about, but he tells you anyway.

“Would you… be willing to share your studio with us until they fix our studio?”

Without missing a beat, you laugh. “Yeah no. I don't even know your name... What if you're some serial killer?”

“First of all, it's Rintaro Suna. Second of all, do you really think they would hire me to work around kids if I was a serial killer?”

You shrug. You don’t care about the logistics; you just don’t want him in your studio.

“And third of all, seriously?” He crosses his arms, and his tone is full of the kind of disappointment you'd only find in a friend who’s been betrayed—not in between two strangers who’ve done nothing but “fight” about music for weeks on end.

“Yes seriously. Can’t you find a new studio?”

“Owner says it’s more expensive to do that than fix whatever got fucked up.”

“Then find someone else to share with,” you say as you turn to walk back into your studio.

Suna grabs your wrist, and as you look over your shoulder at him, he pouts. "Are you really gonna take this out on the kids just because you hate me?”

You stare at him blankly, but the more you think about it and let what he’s said sink in, the softer your face becomes, and suddenly your conviction is nowhere to be found—just another leaf blown away in the wind. “How did your studio flood?”

Happy with how you don’t seem like you're about to escape off into your studio anymore, Suna lets go of your wrist and starts explaining, “Well, one kid clogged the toilet and the other left the sink running.”

“Deserved,” you say through a snort.

“Whatever. Are you gonna share or not?”

“Fine,” you sigh. "But I swear to god, Suna, the second you piss me off or don’t listen, I'm kicking your ass out. This is still my studio.”

"Technically, it’s not even yours.”

You stare at him blankly, eyes narrowed, and Suna can immediately tell you’re already thinking about taking back your offer of letting him stay in your studio.

He coughs awkwardly. "I'll shut up now.”

“Good choice.”

A beat passes between the two of you just staring at each other, and when Suna realizes you won't say anything more, he takes the initiative.

Tilting his head at you, he asks, "So, are you gonna tell me your name now?”

You continue staring at him blankly.

"Oh, cmon, we’re gonna be sharing a studio now.”

“It's Y/n L/n.”

"Well, Y/n,” he says, somewhat dragging out your name before teasing, "I always knew you had a soft spot for me.”

"I have a soft spot for the kids, not you,” you correct him, crossing your arms.

“Keep telling yourself that,” he says, brushing your shoulder with his as he walks past you and into your studio.

“Don’t just walk into my studio like you own it?!" you call out, following after him.

“Not your studio, and you don’t own it either.”

“You know what I mean, Suna!”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

It's almost scary how easily Suna and his students fit into your class. It didn’t even take a week for you to feel like having him in your studio was natural—how it should have always been. You hated how any ill-will you had toward him would suddenly vanish into thin air whenever you saw him interact with his or your students. You grew accustomed to your new routine with him.

Every other day, he could play his music and even teach some of your students some karate if they so desired, and vice versa. He’d bring you breakfast, and you'd bring him lunch, and sometimes the two of you would even go have dinner once all your students had left. You hated how he just wiggled his way into your life. You’re supposed to hate him—he used to play his music as loud as he could just to piss you off, and now you have dinner with him practically every day.

You’ve grown so fond of him that now, two months later, about to be three, you've completely forgotten why he’s here in the first place—that his residence in your studio is only temporary, and he’s just here till his studio is fixed. You’ve forgotten all about it because now you look forward to seeing him and actually want to see him more than you've ever wanted anything else before. and he feels the exact same because here he is, slumped in a chair in the back of the room, frowing as he watches his and your students combined because you’re not here.

The door swings open, and Suna can't help but let out a sigh of relief, practically jumping out of his seat, ready to go run and spin you in his arms like some shitty rom-com, only to find that it wasn't you who walked in; nope, it was just his friend. Suna’s face falls as he drops back into his chair with a groan.

“Okay, lovely to see ya too,” Osamu snorts as he walks over to Suna, taking the seat next to him.

He weakly tries pushing Osamu out of the chair, mumbling, “That’s Y/n’s seat.”

"Well, they aren't here, are they?”

Suna scowls at him but gives up trying to push him out nonetheless.

“Where are they anyway?”

“Running late, I guess.”

Osamu hums in response, and a comfortable silence falls over them. The only noise in the room was the kids whispering their next move to themselves or helping their friend with something. Suna watches them intently, with the care and attention of someone handling glass, and quickly finds a few students who need help.

"Hey, keep your leg straight when you kick,” he calls out to one of his students before turning to one of yours, “And you bend your knees more when you do your... uh-“

"Plié," the child supplies for him.

Suna nods. "Yeah, that whatever.”

Osamu doesn't know whether he should laugh at or side-eye Suna. “Do ya not know their names?”

"I don’t get paid enough to know their names.”

He shakes his head, deciding that commenting on that is not worth his time, and instead goes to why he came here in the first place. "I'm surprised yer still here, to be honest.”

"A job is a job.”

"No, I mean in this studio. I figured the repairs in yer’s would be finished by now; it’s been like, what? almost three months?”

Suna mumbles a slow, drawn-out, “…yeah.”

Osamu sits up straight, shifting in his seat to face Suna entirely. “What the fuck was that?”

“Don’t cuss in front of the kids; what’s wrong with you?" He reprimands, slapping Osamu’s arm.

“Don’t change the subject.”

"I'm not; I'm just saying.”

Osamu rolls his eyes. "Okay, well, start by saying what’s up with the repairs.”

He does not. “Y/n will be back soon; you should leave.”

“Suna,” Osamu monotones.

"If I tell you, will you leave?”

“What did ya do, Suna?”

Suna looks away as he embarrassedly mumbles, “The repairs could’ve been done a long, long time ago…”

“What?!” Osamu practically shrieks as he sits up straight. “What do ya mean?!”

Suna glares at Osamu before looking toward the kids, whose attentions were caught by Osamu yelling and waving them off. “Ignore him.”

“Oh my god, have ya been stalling the repairs?” He asks, this time quietly. “Why would ya do that?”

“Why do you think, Osamu?”

Suna’s attitude does nothing to deter Osamu, not when he’s just had the realization of a lifetime. “Oh my god... Oh my god! Ya have a crush on Y/n, don't ya?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Suna hisses through clenched teeth, his eyes wide and threateningly boring into his.

“What happened to not cussing in front of the kids?”

Suna stares at him blankly, and Osamu merely sighs, slumping back into his seat.

"I can't believe this. I don't know if this is pathetic or cute—kinda both, to be honest.”

"Osamu, I swear-“

With neither of them having heard the studio door swing open, you unknowingly interrupt his threat: "Hey! Sorry, traffic was horrible—oh, who’s this?"

“Doesn't matter; he was just about to leave,” Suna says without missing a beat while standing straight up.

"I'm Osamu,” he says, suddenly approaching you. “And yer the infamous Y/n, I'm assuming?”

“Infamous..?” you question under your breath before shaking your head and deciding to ignore it. “Uh yeah—are you friends with Suna?”

“No.”

“Yes,” Osamu answers, ignoring Suna’s response. "I should get going, though. Nice meeting ya, Y/n!”

“Yeah, you too…”

Osamu waves you goodbye before winking at Suna and disappearing out the door.

You hum. “So what was that about?”

“No idea,” Suna shrugs as he walks away to gather his students.

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

Suna has been weird ever since a week ago, when you walked into the studio to Suna and his friend. He’s avoided you as best as he can, and even when he’s not actively trying to somehow get away from you, he still feels Pluto far from his more than dry replies. And frankly, you’ve had enough. You’re driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what you’ve done wrong and how to fix it—you can’t know unless he tells you.

Which is why, when both of your students left, you borderline kidnapped him. You grabbed him by his arm and dragged him into your car, driving the two of you to a restaurant, where you now sit in an awkward silence waiting for your food. But this is good, right? If he truly didn’t want to be in this position with you right now, you’re more than certain he could’ve put up a winning fight, yet he didn't, so that’s good. This is good.

"Did I do something?”

“Yeah,” he replies without missing a beat or looking up at you.

“Huh?” Your heart is in your throat as you blink at him. “What did I do?”

“Exist.”

“What?” You shake your head in disbelief. "I thought we were getting along."

“We are—god.” As he finally looks up at you, he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. You almost feel like you're back in his studio for the very first time with the way his eyes are boring into yours. “We get along too well, jesus christ, Y/n, you drive me crazy.”

“And you don’t drive me crazy?” you ask, giving him a crooked smile.

“You don't know what you’re saying,” he says flatly, yet the way it’s almost breathless has you thinking maybe he actually wants you to know what you’re saying—to know all of the implications that come with it and fully embrace them.

“Does it matter? Just stop ignoring me, Suna; I hate it.”

"I hate it too.”

“So then why are you doing it, idiot?”

“Because Y/n, I-“

You stare at him expectantly, patiently waiting for his answer.

"I get too distracted with you; I need to teach my students," he mumbles the rest of his sentence as he looks away from you, your scrutinizing gaze sending shivers down his spine and crushing any idea he had to say something else—say the truth—well, the whole truth, because you very well do distract Suna far too much for his liking.

“That sounds like a shitty excuse.”

Suna hums, and when he makes no move to explain himself, you wonder, “Why do I distract you so much?”

“Why do you care if I ignore you so much?”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t act childish, Suna.”

Suna merely raises an eyebrow at you, still waiting for your answer, just like you were waiting for his only a few moments ago.

You sigh. "I'm not sure.”

"Well, I am, so I won’t say anything until you're sure too.”

“That’s not fair, Sunaaaa,” you whine, sliding down your seat like a petulant child.

He shrugs, a slight smirk on his face. "I'm more than happy to wait.”

"Whatever, just stop ignoring me?”

"Yeah, I'll stop,” he says, nodding. “Sorry bout that.”

"S'fine." You wave him off before remembering something that makes you sit up straight again. "Oh, also, I've been meaning to ask about how your studio is going?”

Suna’s mood and face drop so fast that it’s as if he was never even happy or smiling in the first place—the temperature of the room suddenly icy cold. “Oh.”

"I'm not trying to kick you out, Suna,” you immediately add, reassuring him that, as of now, that's the last thing you’d ever want to do. "I actually like you in my studio... like a lot, I guess, and I don't know, to be honest, I'm scared I'm getting too used to you being there."

"Well, I'm already used to it, so either way, we’re both kinda fucked in that department.”

You can't help but smile so wide it hurts your cheeks, absolutely over the moon that he feels the exact same way. That he’s grown so used to you, like the two of you should have never been apart in the first place, and it was always only a matter of time before you found your way to each other.

"I'm not sure, though. I haven’t heard much,” he continues, interrupting your inner swooning.

"Okay, well, that’s good then,” you say, nodding more to yourself than to him. “No need to get rid of you so soon; who else will annoy me?”

"Weren't you just begging me to stop ignoring you, and now I'm annoying?” he taunts.

You cross your arms, glaring at him. "I was not begging Rintaro Suna.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Shut up," you say through a smile, no hostility anywhere in you. “Oh also! The kids wanted me to tell you about our recital coming up.”

“Yeah? When is it?”

“Week from now. They really want you there.”

Suna tilts his head slightly to the side, his eyes narrowing at you in doubt. “Just them?”

“Just them.”

Suna doesn't believe it for a second, and maybe he would’ve if your voice wasn't so shakey and breathless.

You relent; you never had much resolve when it came to him anyway—that's how he ended up in your studio in the first place, isn't it? “And me too, I guess.”

A blush that he makes look all too good covers his cheeks. "I'd love to go, Y/n.”

“Great!”

Suddenly his face drops, and he’s cursing under his breath, "Shit, wait, actually, we have a tournament that day too.”

"Oh, that's fine! I mean, being in the studio with us, it's like you get a free recital every day, right?” You smile, but even then, it's clear as day how disappointed you are.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I can still try to make it.”

“No no! It's fine; you won't miss much. You have your own kids stuff to worry about.”

Suna frowns, wanting nothing more than to wipe that dejected look off your face. “Y/n.”

"Suna, it's fine, really." You weakly try to reassure him, but he’s just not budging.

He shakes his head. "I'll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Okay, I'll hold you to it then.”

☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。

The recital came faster than you cared for. You would be excited for this had Suna been able to come, but he couldn't, and now, even though you know he won't be here, you still can't help but peek through the stage curtains, hoping and praying you'll somehow spot him in the crowd. You try to keep your disappointment at bay the whole recital, and surprisingly you do. The recital goes off without a hitch, and the only thing you can wish for is that you were more excited. Your little ones did absolutely amazing and completely blew the crowd away, yet here you are moping around over some dude who, up until a few months ago, you hated.

“They did amazing,” an oddly familiar voice says, breaking you out of your thoughts. "I'm sure it's only because of their teacher... Do you know them? I'm actually looking for them.”

You're flattered, really, but you can't deal with compliments or holding a conversation right now, not when you want to just crawl under your bed covers and never come out. Not to mention that no one else is supposed to be backstage right now. You sigh before turning around to ask them to leave, only to practically jump out of your skin with excitement.

“Suna!” you exclaim happily, running your way toward him and closing some of the gap between you two. “You’re here, but how? Where were you? I looked, and I couldn't find you—wait, I thought? Where's your kids? Shouldn't you be at their tournament?”

Suna watches you ramble with the softest of faces, huffing a small laugh. He shrugs once you're done. “Samu took over.”

“Rintaro Suna.”

“What? The little shits will get over it… but I don't think you would've if I didn't show up.”

"Well, I would've tried.” You take another step toward him. "Though I can't say you're not a smart man, Rintaro.”

Suna eyes you curiously and follows your movements, taking a step toward you. “So I've been told.”

You roll your eyes, despite an undeniable smile dressing your face, and in some fit of arrogance, you take the last step toward Suna, thus closing any remaining space between the two of you. With your chests touching, there’s nothing left for you to do but wrap your arms around his neck, which you do with ease—as if they were always meant to be there this whole time. He quickly follows your lead, resting his hands on your waist. But his eyebrows are furrowed as if to ask if this is okay, and you nod. This is more than okay—you’d actually prefer more, and it doesn’t seem like he’s getting the hint.

“So are you gonna kiss me, or are you just gonna stand there all day?"

Suna goes wide-eyed, and it takes a minute for his body to catch up with his brain, but before you know it, Suna is practically slamming his face into yours, kissing you like if he doesn't, he’ll die. like you’re the very oxygen Suna has been so desperately searching for all his life—and who's to say he isn't yours as well? Meeting his lips with the same exact urgency, you're sure if anyone else was backstage right now, the two of you would be scolded for years to come. Suna pulls away for air, practically panting; his face is flushed with such a deep red you can still make it out even under the dim lights, and you push strands of his hair out of his face just to revel in his blush some more.

Still struggling to catch his breath, he swallows harshly. “Would it ruin the moment if I told you my studio is finally fixed?”

"Yes, so I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that and keep kissing you instead.”

"Yeah, ok, I like that idea better anyway.”

©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #suna rintarou #suna x reader #suna rintarō #suna rintaro haikyuu #suna rintaro x reader #suna haikyuu #haikyuu suna #suna fluff #rintaro suna #bimbo’s one shots #bimbo’s one shots; haikyuu

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winterchimez · 5 months

Note

describe your relationship with your moots using tbz ships!!

weeee i haven’t done a moot game in a while and i do miss it!! im gonna just tag the ones i talk to often so im sorry if you’re not on the list ><

@sungbeam (sangyeon & changmin)

im not saying this just cs ive assigned both of us to our biases, but yknow how sangkyu are always real sweet to each other thats us 🥺 but at the same time yall know how changmin is always hitting his hyung thats beam when she bites back 🤓 and the way how changmin always say “ah hyung!” when he gets annoyed thats beam to me when the *cough* horny thoughts are at its peak ✨ but i always imagine us as the sangkyu piggyback vid from the b-zone cs you’re my precious lil 妹妹 🥺💕

@juyeonszn (sangyeon & haknyeon)

remember when sunwoo said sanghak is the best ship in tbz, thats me and fawn periodt ✨ never in a million years would i have expected to get close to her (cs god i was admiring her works sm 🤧) but now we’re like long lost sisters 🥺 you’re the hakkie to my yeonnie, and i’ll protect you forever 🫂❤️

@from-izzy (jacob & kevin)

who would’ve thought i’d find my soulmate all the way in australia? its crazy how we went from just getting to know each other, and then finding out we have so much in common (i’d say almost 99.9999% of the things we do & enjoy) like its crazy how we’re not placed in the same continent 😤 we’re basically moonbae and nobody can tell me otherwise 💅 btw pack your bags bcs i might be able to visit you next year along with j either in mel or syd!!!

@daisyvisions (sangyeon & eric)

we all know how sangyeon basically cares for his lil baby eric 24/7 and thats daisy to me 🥺 but then we’re also super chaotic behind the scenes which also screams sangric to me LMAO trust me the day we meet irl the world would not be ready for it 😤🫂❤️

@aimeecarreros (sangyeon & hyunjae)

we just gotten close recently and omg i can’t believe i was able to click so quickly and well with elena like she’s so funny & chaotic and I LOVE IT 🤣 sangmil will forever be one of my fav ships and that’ll be me and you 🥰

@snowflakewhispers (sunwoo & eric)

my fellow SEA moot who lives so so close to where i am 🥹 its funny how we gradually got close after that sangyeon fic you dropped and the rest is history 😌 i think the way we relate to so many things is actually what made us become to close & chaotic (god i love our dms i love the mess and we singing gimme gimme more) we’re sunric fs 😘❤️

@flwoie @hanniluvi (sangyeon & jacob)

you two are literally the sweetest lil cuties ever 🥺 from supporting my work since the beginning of my journey like im floored im beyond grateful for you two always 🫂💕

@heemingyu (chanhee & changmin)

we literally have an ongoing series tgt + that way we just clicked from the start is insane. we’re newkyu. i said what i said. sana is WILD which makes me give her the side eye 24/7 but then its what made us close, and the way how newkyu are always tgt thats also me & sana 🤞🏻

@cloverdaisies (hyunjae & haknyeon)

omg where do i even begin!! we go wayyyy back during summer when i was still in EU and when i found out we live literally next to each other i was just????? im sad i didn’t get to know you earlier cs i would’ve come visit you when i was there!! but i promise i will do everything i can to come back UK one day fs (i said what i said so dont come for me again vajfbrnrhrjd) you’re literally hyunjae. sweet but also likes to tease & like seeing me lose my shit 🙄 but i love hyunjae so that also means i love you so i’ll let it pass 💚

@justalildumpling (jacob & sunwoo)

ahahahaha the chaotic parent and child duo is here 🤪 j is literally the sweetest to me when we first met, only later down the line when we got closer that i found out abt her chaotic ass (but i love it so keep it coming LMAO) my little dongsaeng ilysm, i’ll always be here whenever you need me (gurl for you i’ll stay on call with you for 24 hours again 😤😤😤) counting down the days i come visit you & izzy!! 💪

@zzoguri (sunwoo & changmin)

i was debating to put jacob but then i think sunkyu works slightly better for us? pls moni is so sweet but also REALLY FUNNY AND CHAOTIC shjendnrnd i love their reactions i love going through your stories all the time cs they make me laugh 😭 and you have such a good taste in music just like changmin 🥺 you can interchange between these two and you always have a special place in my heart my moni 💜

@itsbeeble (younghoon & hyunjae)

yknow how in tv shows they put this gold light or smth with the audio for the main charas/good looking ppl lmao bsjfbekrm thats bbangmil and that would be us so yall better make way for us 😤😤😤 we’re as chaotic as the two, esp with how reese is always getting me to sleep early BUT THEN I DONT 🤓 and we’re both swifties ugh love a fellow good woman who listens to good songs 💕💕💕

@kimsohn (younghoon & eric)

its only ever since coming back to asia that i got to spend more time talking to you in the gc!! (timezone sucks in EU 😭) and god you are so funny and chaotic too lmao bandndm you’re just like eric, but then yknow how younghoon is always the first one to support and care for the maknae thats me to you 🥺❤️

honorary mentions:

@daisyvisions @aimeecarreros (the lee bros)

make way for the 3 grand sangmil girlies ✨💅 our everyday dms are always loud, chaotic, fun, and a sprinkle of msg aka sexiness 🥰✨ the day the 3 of us meet it would make history in deobiland istg watch us get a ring on our finger by the lee bros themselves bcs delulu is free and it’s the solulu 😚

@cloverdaisies @heemingyu (the kyeopmuda line)

the OG trio ✨ it went from me being moots with clo, and then sana being clo’s biggest fan, made a gc and the rest is history 😌 the 3 of us could talk for hours and often times way past our bed times (esp clo im looking at you pls fix it) just like how close kyeopmuda line is, thats also the 3 of us, we’ve always got each other’s back, and always ready to text and vc anytime 🫂 looking forward to the holidays when the 3 of us are free and we’ll vc for hours fs 😤❤️

#❄️ — asks!#🎮 — tag games!#mutuals! <3

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nerves-nebula · 1 year

Note

Tw: blood, intrusive thoughts (cannibalism), Leo being Leo

It had been a normal day.

Mikey hummed to himself. He plucked up a button from the pillow he’d piled his material on, carefully sewing it on as a second eye to the Leo doll he was making, wondering what he should do with it.

He already had an assortment of toys modeled after his family for… reasons, and this one was turning out to be a pretty shoddy one. There wasn’t really any point in keeping it. A large part of him wanted to quit now and burn it, instead of wasting more materials on it. But he’d already gotten this far into it…

And he’d used buttons. It was so hard to come by those. He wondered if he should take them out, and save them for something else. But he was almost done, and it would bother him for ages if he just undid his-

Bits of fabric and stuffing flew all over the floor by Mikey, snapping him out of his internal argument.

Leo brushed the last clinging threads off the pillow, scattering more of Mikey’s stuff on the floor.

It was a normal day.

This was normal.

He knew the smartest thing to do would be to pick up his belongings, and maybe leave the room entirely.

And yet.

Mikey couldn’t just choke down that grating sensation as Leo held his pillow and threw it on the floor.

“Give me back my pillow Leo.” Mikey tried, attempting to keep his irritation out of his voice.

“You weren’t using it.” Leo dismissed, dropping himself down on it.

Mikey took a breath, “Yes I was. You just threw all my things off of it.”

“You weren’t using it as a pillow.” Leo grabbed one of the game controller, half ignoring him.

“Leo, it’s my pillow.” His brother ignored him, and Mikey fumed, “Leo!”

Said turtle groaned, “what?”

“It’s my pillow, I was using it!”

Leo rolled his eyes. “You were just putting garbage on it.”

A small part of Mikey seethed at having his art be seen as trash, but he’d long since grown used to those sorts of callous comments. The part of him that was supposed to tamp down how angry it made him when people touched his stuff, seemed to be taking a rain check though.

“Why do you care what I’m using my pillow for?” Mikey challenged.

“I don’t! But I’m clearly using it right now. Jeez, Mikey, just drop it, I’m trying to play my game.”

“You took my pillow!” Mikey complained, gritting his teeth. How was he able to sit there and act like Mikey was annoying him, like Leo hadn’t just come over and immediately upturned what he was working on? “Just use one of your own, you have more than me!”

“Im not putting one of my pillows on the floor!” Leo squawked indignantly, paying more attention to the screen in front of him than Mikey.

Sometimes Mikey wondered if Leo legitimately didn’t hear how awful most of the things he said were. He had to be doing it purpose, surely.

So why did Mikey have to just deal with it? Why did any of them have to just let Leo do whatever he wanted?

And perhaps it wasn’t such a normal day, because on a normal day Mikey would have been less tense, less emotional. On a normal day the thought of someone moving his things, touching his things, might have caused discomfort, rather than crackling frustration, the almost itching under his skin of violation that he felt then.

On a normal day, Mikey wouldn’t have pulled the pillow right out from under his brother.

Leo flopped of with a startled yelp, as Mikey held the pillow tight. Leo sat up, and as soon as he’d processed what just happened, he’d gotten up trying to snatch the item back.

“What’s your problem?” Leo hissed, as Mikey jumped back, meeting his glare with equal force.

“It’s my pillow, why do you get to take it?”

“You’re such a greedy, childish- argh!” Leo cut himself off with a frustrated snarl as he kept failing to catch Mikey. “God forbid I want to relax for one moment. I’m the only one that actually deserves it considering, unlike you, I take training seriously. But of course you feel the need to bother the second I sit down.”

“Stop that!” Mikey started, flinching as Leo’s movements grew harsher, “Stop acting like you didn’t do anything wrong.” He couldn’t help but flail a little as he dodged; As Leo grew more agitated, and as Mikey calmed down, he realized he’d gotten himself into a dangerous situation.

The way this was going, Leo was going to start actually attacking him, and Mikey couldn’t win that fight. Even if he just let Leo have the pillow, there was no way he would be nice about it at this point.

So, Mikey made his second bad decision of the day.

Leo lunged, missing him by a hair, and Mikey swept his feet out from under him.

Leo fell back, and Mikey didn’t get to see his face, as much a the part of him that wasn’t scared out of his mind by the hole he’d dug himself into wished he could, because he was out the room’s entrance before Leo had hit the floor.

oOo

Leo seethed.

He didn’t know how long he’d been looking for Mikey. His brother had picked a fight with him out of nowhere, then he immediately ran off, because he’d obviously known he’d loose.

Only, Mikey hadn’t lost yet. Leo needed to find Mikey. But he couldn’t.

It felt as bad as actually loosing to him, if such a thing were possible. Mikey was weak, undisciplined. And yet, he’d knocked Leo on his ass and had gotten away with it.

Leo grit his teeth, wanting nothing more than to punch something. Someone. Specifically Mikey who still hadn’t found.

There weren’t that many places for the younger boy to hide. He shouldn’t have been able to avoid Leo this easily.

(Was he really so weak that he couldn’t keep up with Mikey?)

He passed the living room for maybe the fifth time, and stopped. Mikey’s mess was cleaned up, all the scraps of garbage put into a neat pile next to the tv.

Donnie sat in front of the tv, the ugly toy Mikey had been fiddling with, in his lap. He was wrapped up in his blanket with a game controller in his hands.

oOo

Raph had felt distracted today. He’d only just gotten Donnie out of bed.

The younger had been having an off day, and Raph hadn’t checked up on him since that morning. Raph had given Donnie the rest of his breakfast after Leo had taken his upon noticing Donnie had only been picking at the meal.

Then he had forgotten to make himself lunch, focused on preparing everyone else’s food. He hadn’t noticed until later that Donnie had never come to eat, and had thus, only just gotten him out of his room.

He had also been trying to find Mikey, to no avail, having wanted to talk to his about the massive mess of crafting supplies he’d left out. Frustrating as it was, Raph let it go pretty quickly. Mikey probably hadn’t done it on purpose, he just tended to forget things.

Mostly, he’d stopped looking, so he didn’t run into Leo again. He had been stalking around, throwing some sort of fit, and Raph had better things to do than get caught up in that.

He entered the kitchen, wanting to get started on dinner, when Mikey burst out from one of the cabinets, and started rambling at him.

Raph admittedly, didn’t catch the first few seconds of whatever Mikey was telling him, struck with the sudden, visceral image of biting Mikey, tearing off one of the hands that flapped in front of his face, incessantly.

He felt abruptly sick, and took a slow drag of breath, doing his best to look like he was listening, as he waited for the image to quiet in his mind.

“-But all I wanted was my pillow back, and now he’s going to hurt me if he finds me, and it’s been like an hour, but he hasn’t stopped looking for me, and I don’t know what to do!”

Raph pulled apart what he’d caught. Mikey was probably talking about Leo; that made sense. And they were fighting over a pillow? Or at least Leo was mad about a pillow, because of course he was…

“Yeah, if he’s still going, Leo’s probably gonna pissy for a while. Just keep giving him space, and he’ll cool off eventually.” Raph sighed, “Help me make di-“

He stopped his request short, he and Mikey turning to the entrance. as Leo’s muffled yelling grew loud enough to hear.

An exasperated exhaustion only one of his brother’s could cause washed over Raph at the sound. He closed his eyes, but didn’t bother trying gather some vestige of patience, “Damnit Leo.”

oOo

“Move, I want to play.” Leo said, nudging Donnie with his leg. Leo had been going to use the console, before Mikey had decided to be a brat. Where did Donnie get off just using stuff without checking if Leo had been in the middle of using it? He’d clearly been doing something, looking for Mikey, and the thought hadn’t even occurred to his younger brother somehow.

Why did his brothers have to be so selfish all the time?

Donnie turned to look up at him from his seat, glancing back at the screen for a second as though Leo wasn’t even talking to him!

“But I was-“ Donnie started, annoyingly. Could he not just listen to the people around him for once?

“Shut up! God, why do you have to be so damn needy all the time? Pulling all your mopey, pathetic bullshit. Do you ever get tired of taking up everyone’s attention? Wasting everyone’s time?”

“…”

Suddenly, Donnie wasn’t meeting Leo’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure what Donnie’s expression was, but it soothed that prickling thing in his brain that had been downright painful since Mikey had attacked him.

Donnie staggered to his feet, and began backing up, Mikey’s stupid doll hitting the floor. “I’m sorry. nobody was here. I didn’t think-” he mumbled. God that was grating.

As Donnie tried to leave a flare of something like panic spiked under his irritation, and had him grabbing his brother’s arm, and yanking him back.

“Stop whining!” He demanded, cutting off Donnie’s murmurs. “You know, the least you could do is stay out of everyone’s way. Instead you drag yourself all over the house, begging for attention!”

Donnie didn’t fight like Raph might have. He didn’t snap or grumble like Mikey would have. He just cringed in on himself in a way that was as satisfying as it was infuriating.

“You’re so weak, it’s disgusting.” Leo snapped.

A hand gripped his wrist, forcing him to let go of Donnie. Leo startled, tearing himself from the grasp.

“What are you doing?” Raph asked tiredly.

Leo didn’t answer. If Raph actually paid attention, he’d see Donnie had being aggravating on purpose, but Leo didn’t trust Raph would. He was always coddling him and Mikey…

If he’d been calmer he would have seen Raph coming. That didn’t change that he hadn’t noticed him though. If that had been an enemy.

“You can’t grab people out of nowhere, like that!” Leo hissed, failing to sooth himself over the oversight.

“You,” Raph intoned, “can’t harass Donnie, because you’re in a bad mood.”

Leo rolled his eyes. Of course that’s how he’d twist it.

“Leo, I’m serious.” He continued, voice rising.

“Im not in a ‘bad mood’,” he scoffed, “Donnie was being all whiny and sulky. You’re always hovering over him, but you never acknowledge it when he acts like this.” He complained, shoving Raph back.

Raph growled, and well, if ever there was an indicator to fight, that was surely it.

His older brother barely blocked Leo’s kick, and as they fight Leo can’t help but loose his former tenseness. Fighting Raph was much more satisfying, than trying to get Donnie stop being awful.

Donnie was hardly his responsibility, and he never fought back; there’s wasn’t much to gain in beating Donnie. (That’s not to say he didn’t still do it, because Donnie was easy, and awful, and hard to ignore when he was right there.)

Leo realized, suddenly, that Donnie was gone. He’d probably ran off as soon as Raph had picked this fight. Coward.

As the fight drags on, it loops right back around to making Leo annoyed again. Raph didn’t even seem to be taking the fight seriously, hardly a thought behind his eyes as moved.

Then Leo noticed his dad watching them from the room’s entrance.

How long had he been there? Did he see Leo was losing? He couldn’t loose to Raph in front of dad! Why was he even here?

Of course he was here, Leo mentally scolded himself. Their dad was going to use the tv tonight. He’d forgotten with how abysmally today had been going.

Raph didn’t seem to have noticed before him at least. It was an empty comfort when Leo still wasn’t winning.

Leo tried compose himself, and end the fight.

oOo

Raph was stressed. He was tired.

He had stopped paying attention since Leo had attacked him, which wasn’t the smartest time to zone out, but considering he hadn’t lost yet, it worked out fine.

God he was sore. And he still had to make dinner.

Raph wasn’t quite aware enough to process Leo’s snarl of frustration as he caught his swing. Nor did he doesn’t fully register the sharp thwack of Leo elbowing him in the mouth.

For the record, Raph was not thinking.

Later, there will still be guilt, yes, horror even, but he will rationalize it had been reflexive. He had been hungry. He had been dazed. It wasn’t a conscious choice he’d made, so much as it had been his body acting on its own.

In that moment, however, there was only the quick squelch-crunch of Leo’s elbow, and the bracing taste of blood in Raph’s mouth.

Only Raph, frozen with the hazy afterimage of those last seconds of the fight playing in his head like the memory of a dream.

oOo

Splinter had sighed to himself as he’d come upon his sons roughhousing.

He had been watching in the doorway waiting for them to calm down, and get out of the way, so he could watch his show, but they were growing more annoying by the second.

Leonardo was taking far too long to win. They weren’t even in training; this wasn’t even a real spar. It was rather disappointing.

Although, Splinter supposed, Red was being far too rough for a play fight.

Then, Red had bitten Leonardo.

“Ow!” His successor yelled. The boy stared down at the bleeding wound, as Splinter moved over to check the injury himself. “You fucking bit me.” He said, stunned.

Splinter tsked. Not knowing his own strength was one thing, but this. He let go of Leonardo’s arm, and he cradled it close, staring up at him. Splinter would need to make sure it wasn’t infected before he wrapped it…

“I-“ Red began, quietly.

Splinter’s head snapped, so he was leveling a glare at Red that cut him off. His teeth were stained with Leonardo’s blood.

“I knew to expect undisciplined behavior from you, Red.” He started, contempt dripping from his voice, “But this.” He grabbed Red’s arm, yanking him forward, and dragging him along. He was shaking, Splinter noticed absently. “If you are going to behave like an animal, you are going to be treated like an animal.” He scolded.

He hadn’t had to put anyone besides Orange in the corner for a while. He didn’t think he’d ever had to put Red here for anything beside picking fights with Leonardo.

Splinter fastened the chain cuff onto Red’s ankle, glad that he at least hadn’t thrown a fit about the punishment like Orange usually did. Instead he curled in on himself.

Splinter rolled his eyes. If Red truly felt bad about what he’d done to Leonardo, he wouldn’t have done it.

He made his way back, returning to Leonardo’s side, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “Come my son, Let us treat this.”

He nodded, none of the wincing and whining the youngest two were prone to, as he clutched his arm.

As Splinter moved, pulling his son along, he took note of Orange, able to hear his skulking down the hall.

“Orange.” He called, causing Leonardo to stiffen slightly against him, and the child in question, to stumble as he ran into the entrance.

“Yeah dad,” he said, fidgeting irritatingly.

Splinter turned his attention back to Leonardo, leaving with the boy as he spoke, “Make sure dinner is taken care of,” he waved back, gesturing to the state of the room, “and clean up this mess.”

In the entrance, Splinter paused, his foot bumping against some stuffed toy. He picked it up, sure it was Orange’s.

Really, if he was going to leave these things laying around he didn’t deserve them. He left with the toy in hand, Leonardo quietly trailing after him.

oOo

Mikey knew wasn’t going to see that toy again. He shouldn’t have cared, he’d forgotten about it all day, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t make new ones.

…It sucked though.

The entire living room was a mess from the fight, his art supplies now even more scattered than they had been.

Mikey wasn’t sure what had happened after Raph had left the kitchen. He hadn’t been able to hear much of anything clear.

He was curious about whatever Raph had done to make a bloody mess of Leo’s arm. He kind of hoped Raph finally broke his arm back. That was probably something he should have felt bad about thinking, but to be fair, Leo had been especially terrible today.

Whatever, Raph had done, it seemed to make Leo forget he’d been mad at Mikey. At least for now.

Whatever. He had no idea what Raph had been going to make for dinner, but he could probably manage.

oOo

Donnie was not coming out of his room, which left Mikey eating alone with his two least favorite people, so that was fun.

And then his dad complained his cooking was worse than Raph’s, and also didn’t let him give any dinner to Raph, because he was still in trouble.

Leo didn’t get in trouble for any of the past day, and Mikey found himself paying no attention to the food in front of him, instead riding out an imagined scenario where Leo and Splinter apologized, rather continuing to be the absolute worst.

there is. SO MUCH TO GO OVER HERE. first of all congratulations on getting their characterization SO GOOD. Leo's selfishness, Donnie's timid nature, Raphs overall TIREDNESS and Mikey's frustration AUGHAGHUH!!!! THANK YOU.

I read this while in bed and there were SO MANY parts that had me kicking my legs, the way Leo can't stand Donnie's meekness and lashes out at him. The way Leo can't really see things from other people's perspectives,

the way Splinter calls the others by their colors even in his own thoughts- OUGAHGDSHG!! And the ending where Mikey has to sit there with the people he hates the MOST and listen to them bitch so he just retreats into his imagination- I feel like I've been teleported back in time, oguahgaghunag.

I like your Leo Bullying Donnie scene especially, it's really reminiscent of something that's about to happen in the comics haha so I'm glad the Vibes i put out are getting across.

“If you are going to behave like an animal, you are going to be treated like an animal.”

FUCKING OWWWWWWWW OWW OW OWWW!!! i could pick out the lines i loved here all day but that'd make this already long ask even longer so just know that i am eating this fanfic. i am consuming it into my SOUL. fasjfsadmf.

#nnstuff #ask #fanfic #tmnt fanfic #teenage mutant neglected turtles #neglected art #<- it gets the art tag cause i consider writing art #long post #tmnt leo #tmnt donnie #tmnt raph #tmnt splinter #tmnt mikey #neglected fic

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creaturebloom · 10 months

Text

so ! i am officially retired ! (kind of)

after having a long talk with my mom and brother, i no longer have any sort of main dad-dutys to take care of. of course occasionally i will have to cover if my brother like goes out to a show or smth, but that shouldn’t be too often.

i feel INCREDIBLY guilty still about not helping out more, but the thing is i just like ... i can’t. i think anyone that’s kept up with me over the last year has seen like just howwww bad things had gotten for me like mentally/emotionally and often even physically ! bc that’s what stress does !!

so my current plan is to take (at least) 2 months to do dick all. im going to learn how to relax, play videogames, and have zero responsibilities or obligations. and then im going to get into some online classes and get my medical coding license and find a real job !

im still getting paid a small amount bc thankfully my brother isn’t an asshole, so hopefully i should have money to cover those online classes once i actually take them. my mom said she’d help out if i need her to also, but im really trying to avoid that. as long as i budget appropriately i should be alright.

it’s gonna take me a bit to get used to like. not having to do anything and not jumping up whenever my dad needs something. i know this. i keep reminding myself that my mom and brother are CHOOSING to take care of him, and i have no bearing on their choices or what they want to do. i can only choose things for me and be grateful that they’re both helping me make the best choice for myself.

it’s been an incredibly difficult 8 years. i know nothing in my life will ever be as stressful as this situation, so im pretty optimistic about things moving forward. maybe one day i’ll even like get a nearby apartment or smth but honestly with housing the way it is im just glad that i can still live at home rn and im not out on my ass bc i can’t caregive anymore.

i spent the last of my check this month on a silly little game and thai food, and honestly that’s the best retirement party i could ask for.

im just so glad that like. i was able to make it through a very difficult conversation and while im still grappling with the guilt of it, in the long-run this is going to benefit me and my mom significantly bc i never, ever want her to have to go back to work. and again, i can’t make her choices for her and she has chosen to continue to take care of my dad. i just have to keep reminding myself of that.

ok well thank you everyone that has thrown out some love my way and supported me through all of this, i really really appreciate feeling seen & heard through all the shit that’s come my way. im love u ok bye !!!!

#whiny baby post #im so excited and so nervous also !#mostly i feel guilty but that's just how i am as a person no matter what

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stayxlix · 2 months

Note

Hello, my favourite author! I wanted to reach out to you sooner, but I waited a bit more so I could share some news with you🥰 first of all: I passed the hardest course at my uni (nevermind that I actually had to take it 3 times before succeeding). Of course I plan to celebrate by rereading Otde👀 also, today Hyunjin was in Milan for the Versace show... I thought I would be fine, just accompanying a friend to see him.. I thought I could keep my cool.. but ostg he is SO BEAUTIFUL. I shed a tear just because he was so ethereal, I'm not even kidding. How about you? It's been a while since you posted anything so I'm a bit worried.

Hugs💕 ~C

hi my love.💕ill start by saying CONGRATULATIONS on passing that course (the hardest course at your university??????) what an accomplishment!! im so proud of you and knowing that you celebrated by re-reading otde just warms my heart.😭💕 ALSO can we talk about the fact that you saw hyunjin in real life??? are you kidding me?! oh my goodness how exciting, im so happy for you to have been able to experience this!! i honestly don't even know what i'd do if i saw any one of the boys in person, i really can't imagine it but i think i would've shed quite a few tears myself.🥹

i really appreciate your concern and i feel like i owe you an apology for disappearing for a while there. work took an unexpected turn at the beginning of the year—i got a promotion which i am very thankful for but it also meant new training and trying to manage additional responsibilities. it definitely swallowed up more time than I anticipated and on top of that the gloomy weather had me feeling a bit off my game. but with the return of sunshine and warmer days ive been feeling a renewed sense of energy and motivation!! things are finally starting to slow down too so ive been finding my rhythm again.<3

with that being said, i suppose you can consider this my official return announcement lol. seriously though, im so excited for you and all the incredible experiences you’ve been having. you deserve every bit of happiness that comes your way!! im forever grateful for your continued support and understanding, and i'm eager to get back into things and share more with you soon.<33 take care dear and as always, much love.🤗💕

#alex answers asks♡#C #anon #💕

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voidaxolotl · 2 months

Text

🚨Warning: Rant incoming🚨

Strange take, I'm not the biggest fan of playing Jackbox.

To be clear, this is not really a review of the games themself- Jackbox is fun and I think people should play it. This is more so on my experience and feelings about playing it. It's nothing against the games themselves, they're fun and for the most part they're expertly crafted for late night gaming and every inside joke thats stemmed from those late night gamings are still hilarious, however that doesn't make my lack of enthusiasm about playing jackbox any better.

I'd say I'm a competitive person, but since I'm kind of bad at most things I've had years to figure out how to handle the negative emotions that come with losing (and oddly enough the negative emotions and guilt whenever I do win)

Im no master at it, but I've been able to communicate when a game is making me upset and I'm fortune enough to have friends who understand my reasonings and understand that in multiplayer pvps (mostly Dead by Daylight) I'm all for taunting but it grates on me way more if I'm on a losing streak.

I've connected that my inability isn't to the fault of others so I shouldn't be aggressive towards them when I lose, and that I just need to keep at it and I'll eventually become better at the game, which has come true for the most part. Im able to push aside the hurt I get from losing either because I know I have gotten better (DBD, Among us, etc) or its a team effort so I don't feel isolated in the lose (L4D, Among us, Phasmo, etc).

But Jackbox has a specific way of making lose feel... Worse.

For those who don't know, most Jackbox games have players pitted against each other to make clever or funny responses or prompts, the player with the most liked response or promot wins the game- a simple idea that for some reason makes losing continuously hurt more and more. It makes you feel like the least fun or entertain or even least interesting person in the group when you continuously land in 4th or 5th.

It's to the point that playing Jackbox takes a lot of my energy, each round making me feel more exhausted and overstimulated, making it harder to answer prompts in a funny or clever manner which ends in more lose and more exhaustion- a vicious cycle.

I have not brought this up to my jackbox loving group for many reasons (mainly because I'd feel like the only person at a drinking party who doesn't drink, with the other people of said party forgetting what non-alcoholic exist) as well as the games being enjoyable to watch.

This is something that I need to work through and perhaps one day I will communicate this to my group, but till thenI think I will change to just observing any future gameplay instead of actually playing for my own health.

I don't know of anyone elsefeels similar about playing jackbox orany other game, but either way I know losing sucks and makes its hard to want to get better at something, especially if it feels personal or targeted. What we can do in the face of those defeats is determin if continuing down that route would be detrimental to our health and perhaps take a step back from it, maybe till another time or never again, or keep learning from our lose and get better.

There is no shame in deciding that pursuing something isn't for you, and in this case pursuing Jackbox and trying to win would probably do me more hurt then heal so I know it's better for me to step away. Maybe one day I'll feel comfortable while playing, and maybe one day losing in it won't make me feel the way it currently does, but until then I'm going to keep myself safe and happy and you should too.

Anyways, congrats if you've made it to the end and thank you for reading!

#rant #bit of venting #as a treat #jackbox #a bit of jackbox slander?#berhaps?#emotions #yuck #just a silly little guy with silly little feelings #long rant #kind of #feels long reading it

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alexis-royce · 10 months

Note

i hope this isn’t a terribly invasive question but i toottally understand if it is and in that case im really sorry but i don’t know who else to ask so i’ll just go ahead w it: how do u support urself while doing stuff creatively ?? i admire a lot of your work (your fics and ur games — i loved serialized killer i played it like ten times xD both the art and the writing 🤌🏾🤌🏾) and i’d love to be able to do the stuff you do in the future, but i’m honestly terrified of the ‘starving artist’ thing :,D

Hey there! It's an okay question, and truth be told, I used to try to be really encouraging to people, because I want to see a lot of fun and small art. But as I get older, I want to try to be honest about it all, too.

Going to college wasn't especially helpful. Five years post-college, I was lucky to make the switch to full-time art.

Currently, my income comes from a mixture of conventions, Patreon, commissions, and game sales. I also live with my spouse Tsushi, who covers half the bills, and we don't live in a major city or expensive area. We planned a lot of stuff to keep our cost of living on the dirt cheap side.

Right now, I wouldn't say that I'm barely scraping by. Lots of people have it way, way worse than us, and I wouldn't be able to do this without favors and help from friends and family. But I do know that I'm overworked to an unhealthy extent, I haven't taken a real vacation in years, and if I stop overworking, I will lose the momentum that I currently have. Actually, switching to visual novels instead of webcomics WAS me trying to take care of myself.

I would highly advise that you enjoy your art as a hobby. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision! Building up a portfolio or an itch page is something that takes time, and that's how you'll find an audience. Even if you could drop twelve showstopper games in a weekend, it would likely take a while for those games to percolate through the community. I know it's not what you want to hear. But trust me: I've hung out socially with lots of folks who range from middling to INTENSELY popular, and overnight mainstream success is horrible for a person's soul, especially if it happens to you in your 20s.

I'm not starving, but I do eat a lot of bulk rice in my diet. XD I'm not living in squalor, but I miss when I could afford to go to GenCon. If my gamble on the VNs doesn't work, I might just end up picking up a day job of my own and having to spend nights working on stuff again, instead. Nothing's really certain. But for now, I'm doing the best that I can with the games and stories I can tell, and I'm deeply grateful for the patrons who keep my weird little raft afloat.

#And I hope I get to play a game by you someday!#Try to make a game jam game sometime #You can't make a masterpiece until you've made several mediocre little things #So swallow your cringe and get to makin'#And genuinely thank you for enjoying Serialized Killer #I hope you enjoy the new additions when it gets to Steam ^-^

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lycanthian · 11 months

Text

blaseball.

a eulogy, of sorts.

(cw for mentions if suicide under the cut)

blaseball was my solace.

my only source of warmth by any definition in the cold (both literally and figuratively) of november 2020. that year was desolate. it was freezing.

i joined blaseball at the suggestion of, who was at the time an acquaintance, at the tail end of season eleven. i was skeptical, but latched onto the shoe thieves.

the season ended, and i spent the entire grand siesta researching just about every single thing that had ever happened in the game to that point. i was neck deep on hyperfixation, with no clue as to how deep that love would become.

blaseball helped me through a really hard time. in the years 2019-2020, i was a high school freshman navigating a brand new setting with hardly anyone i knew. being hit with quarantine was, possibly, the worst thing that could have happened to me. it was awful knowing that i spent so much energy making new friends only to be forced away from them, many of which not only cutting contact but dropping out or moving away.

i had to make new friends again when we came back. blaseball was one of the only ways i knew how. i spent lunches upon lunches of discussing everything that was happening and everything lored by the community. it helped me connect with people when connection was hard to come across.

(heres where we get into the cw a bit)

blaseball was an escape.

2020 and 2021 were shitty, shitty years.

covid aside, my mental health was at an all time low. i managed to keep going because of blaseball. it distracted me from the horrors of the world.

being cooped up made our already tense family life worse. my parents were at each others throats near constantly. they were at my brothers throats near constantly. my brothers were at each others throats near constantly.

when i started going back to school in person, covid was still rampant. shootings were picking up more and more, especially in my state.

blaseball, the act of being able to invest myself in it, was what kept me from doomspiraling for months on end.

im surprised i survived quarantine. if it werent for the community blaseball gave me, i dont think i would be here today to tell this story.

the community that blaseball gave me was extemely supportive and actually instrumental to my beginning to love and learn more about myself.

if i never got that opportunity, i think i very well would have offed myself by now. i mean, with the stress of school and the shitty world outside mixing with the added stress of having to witness both of my brothers' attempts... its hard not to to understand at least a bit

i dont think about it often. i never have. but the way stress has been piling on since that quarantine started, blaseball was the one escape from all that stress.

and for that, im grateful. ive met so many wonderful people here.

ive touched and been touched by so many amazing pieces of art, literature, and music.

my self image wouldnt be where it is today without the support of members of the shoe thieves communities.

my art wouldnt be anywhere near the skill level it is now if i didnt become obsessed with these players.

im sad to see it go this way, dying to the same corporate scope creep that it warned against, but i understand why it had to go.

am i mad about this outcome? yes. absolutely.

but

im grateful for everything that blaseball was able to do for me.

the ending is bittersweet, but i want to say thank you.

thank you to my great friend callie who i dont even know will see this for introducing this wild game to me.

thank you to the fans who worked behind the scenes for hours to archive and record past events so people like me could get up to speed.

thank you to all the amazingly talented artists, writers, and musicians in the fanbase who have created many of the most wonderful, inspirational pieces that rarely leave my mind to this day.

thank you to all of the charleston shoe thieves fans, past and present, for cultivating one of the most diverse, welcoming, and absolutely diehard loving communities ive ever been a part of and giving me a home for when my own was too much for me.

thank you to all of blaseblr, especially my friends and mutuals, who listen to me rant endlessly about my shoe thieves blorbos that most people know nothing about.

and finally, thank you to the game band for creating this absolutely eldritch beast of a project. it changed my life for the better. it has inspired me to do things ive never considered before, and it as well as the fanbase has drastically fundamentally altered who i am as a person.

we stole shoes. we fought gods. we raised the dead. we sucked really hard. we partied until we died. and then partied more. and we won the championships.

👐🏋️‍♀️🔥🍗🐅🔱

🥧📱🛠️🥩🎸💋

🌷🌞🌮🚤🕵️‍♂️🪱

🍬🌴🗣️👟✨🦀

many teams, one league.

#gamey rambles #blaseball

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greaterspawnislands · 2 years

Note

👻 ghost: can you tease some wip ideas that have been haunting you/something you want to write in the future?

🌧️ rain: share a sad or emotional scene from your wip!

👻 ghost: can you tease some wip ideas that have been haunting you/something you want to write in the future?

oh lordy i have so many wip ideas...ummm one that i do plan to write in the future, just really slowly, is a fic with the temporary title of "life debt au" that is a dsmp canon divergent fic taking place before the prison break, where phil gets trapped in the prison searching for techno, and then is killed to leverage against techno/get dream to bring him back to life. after the prison break, phil is left lost when he realizes that dying and being revived has entirely cut his devoted connection with kristin, and struggles to repay debts when dream comes to collect ^_^ this idea keeps rotating in my brain and i reeeealy want to write it but i am ohhh just so slow with writing so it'll take me a bit.

🌧️ rain: share a sad or emotional scene from your wip!

good thing it's whumptober, because i have quite a few of those now! here's smth that's actually taken from an old au i have that i am (once again) too lazy to write the full thing of, so im just writing the climactic point of it loll. i guess the context you might need is that his kids have been kidnapped/missing for a long time

The world feels like it's moving in slow motion, like a dream. Phil's good arm tries to rub Wilbur's back, but his bound arms are in the way, and his hands are shaking too much to apply any pressure. "I'll be fine," he manages, meeting Kristin's gaze with silent gratefulness. "I'll be- it's okay. It's all okay, you're all— okay."

His words break a great dam in him, and then it's a frenzy to turn, get Wilbur's wrists untied. Kristin works fast to help Tommy, and the second they're free both his boy are wrapping their shaking arms around him, clinging to Phil so tightly it hurts. Kristin rocks back on her heels to watch them, and even though Phil so desperately wants to reach out and say something to her, he can't find the words.

Something in her gentle smile tells him she knows already, anyways.

He does, however, have plenty of words for his sons. "That was so stupid, both of you," he hisses, eyes squeezed shut like it'll be able to stop the tears from inevitably falling. "You could have gotten hurt, doing that, what the fuck were you thinking?"

Both of them ramble on, pleas of understanding that Phil can barely make out through their tears. He's sure his own words aren't that much more comprehensible, and all of it matters, and all of it can be said later.

Right now, the most important thing is this, that Phil's ears have finally stopped ringing, and he's finally able to say to his children, "I love you. Let's go home."

october writeblr ask game

#areus in a little cave #ask game

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salvatoreren · 10 months

Text

guess who's back about to destroy her life once again for the sake of letting a few loose thoughts hereee

ANYWAYS SO MANY HAS HAPPENED IN THESE LAST FEW MONTHS AND HONESTLY IDK IF IT SHAPED ME OR ONLY TRAUMATIZED ME KJDFHGJ

apparently i like taylor swift now and me coming back for speak now tv to rant is proof of tha, I JS WANNA SAY IM SO SORRY FOR THAT I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT PHASE, she's literally my top artist now, im so sorry taylor, never again, i dont deserve you

oh and apparently i like game of thrones too, along with hot d which is actually good because my writing actually got better watching them do these deep ass dialogue, it was fun, im either team green or team black bcus imo they both suck, im team strong boys

OH AND I LIKE JJK NOW MOST SURPRISING THING IN 2023, LIKE IT WAS NEVER FOR ME YK? BUT IG IT'S BECAUSE I FORCED IT ON MYSELF WATCHING IT, anyways a megumi edit got me through it, which is rlly cool because he was the only reason i ever watched the series omg so yeah and even when the yk what happened in the manga happened I WAS SO SHOCKED, tbh it was only a matter of time OH AND I READ THE MANGA AND IM IN PAIN OKAY

JJK S2 IS OUT TOO! I APPARENTLY WATCHED THE LEAKED VERSION IDGHJKLJF, THE SUBS WERE WELL SOO UNHINGED MY GOD BUT OMG THE OP AND THE ENDING WAS SOO COOL, THE ENDING PARTICULARLY SOSO CHILL, also i used to think gojo was overrated which is imo true but seeing his thought processes in the manga in his past arc and so on made me change my perspective, what im saying is i actually love his CHARACTER

like hellooo no one is allowed to take youth's youth??? WHAT HAPPENED TO U BB WHO HURT U, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN HIS TIME IN HIS CLAN OR SMTH

i still love eren ofc that never changed, still in tokrev ig im working myself tirelessly on this fic and yeah totally not wanting to kms bcus of it, the ending was a double-edged sword and i liked it tbh but i do acknowledge it has its flaws and doesnt have the best ending, tokrev has so many loose ends, i wish wakui had an assistant to keep him on track like yo i think u forgot to mention this or resolved it and i wish he had more time to work on it but im very grateful for this series bcus it quite literally saved my life.

and yeah i havent gotten into much either i keep visiting my old fandoms bcus im safe with them and then i get burnt out bcus im bitching how it's not the same kjdhbsgj but i am watching shadow and bone it doesnt appeal to me much but hoping i will anways

YEAH IM BACK, cant exactly say ive changed lots either ig, i still dont see it, my character development is nonexistent, i do think my old self here needed to chil kjdshgkjhg, she hated everything and yeah that sucks but ik i lowk i have a changed perspective after actually seeing my friends after the quarrantine and all that, able to feel what human interaction is and it was fun and i touched grass and stared at the sun lots so yeah,

but im actually going to distance myself lotsss in tumblr now, like not interacting much with ppl so i dont get burn out and go batshit crazy, not that i did in the beginning but i always looked for smth to hate so it's all on me, im the problem, but yeah doing it so i dont get burn out and leave again and totally going to have lots of breaks with it

#hey guys #im back #shane stuff

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andromedaworld · 2 years

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LABASURITA: BRAND NEW INTERNET SENSATION, FROM TWITTER TROLL TO RULING THE WORLD

Just when the world needed a new sound, labasurita announced her debut studio album: My Funeral. Worse than any Ed Sheeran’s album but also better than all of them, the iconic debut it’s set to be one of the best albums of the decade, bringing camp and pop elements to life… labasurita is up for a wild ride.

“Ever since i figured i liked dick and cock I KNEW i had to come out with some music to express my self and my queernes, this album gave me the opportunity to be my true self, im so proud of the final result.”

The singer also mentioned how she managed to transition from being a twitter troll into an aspiring singer. “It wasn’t hard at all, i don’t take social media seriously, in fact i don’t take anything in life too personal or too seriously, i actually don’t care about this interview either” Our interviewer then proceeded to cry while the singer kept going. “See, you pussy cryer, don’t take my words too seriously you stupid faggy, be outspoken, be unapologetic and don’t take others opinions of you too seriously.”

“Twitter allowed me to create a fictional world where i’m always the best, always the queen, always the main character and i decided to live in it, rather than just forgetting about it once i left my phone …. social media is not real, either we are trying to create a narrative of us for the people to see or we’re just falling into other people’s lies… we are both the creators and consumers of ours and everyone’s life online. You stop caring about what you post online and what other people think of the perception they made out of your online content once you realize how fake social media actually is”

In a world full of pretenders, labasurita is the biggest liar ever!! : “ Yes, almost 99% of the things i post online are fake… its just fascinating to me how people try too hard to play pretending online, they just do it in a unconsciously-consciously way… so i tried to play the game ironically and ever since i’ve been having a blast. There’s no need for the internet to know my personal life, in fact they knowing im a fag it’s enough… i could get killed!!! Could you imagine?!?!?.”

“A lot of people aim for fame and success from social media, we live in a world where there is a new “influencer” every 5 minutes and that makes fame look so banal and common… so why bother? do we want attention? are we all just waiting for our turn in the spotlight? what if i don’t want to be famous…? a lot of questions come to mind but there’s only one answer: PENIS!!!!.“

From MARINA to Divine, labasurita had a lot of inspirations creating her debut album, mostly inspired by irony, she promises this is one campy album. “I’ve always been afraid of dying, ever since i was a little girl, in fact im still terrified about it, but i decided to just laugh at it and look at death through a comical lens… i want my funeral to be a shit show, a chaotic one of a kind spectacle.”

Followed by very unique song titles, this album has iconic collaborations. “ I still cant believe i managed to bring Jenni Rivera back for just one more song, i literally was in full tears at the studio… ‘Nataoki’ it’s a very special song to me, Natanael is my drag daughter so this was a very special collab, just as all the others from the album”

“I’m forever grateful to be able to be a drag mother for my children Sheyla and Natanael (who was unable to be at the photoshoot) Being a mom inspires me, it keeps me going…”

The star also opened up about her inner conflicts, personal dilemmas and mental health: “I really am my worse enemy, there’s no one who brings me down like i do and that has cost me a lot of opportunities.” What she said next had us all shook. “ Kylie Jenner asked me to perform at Stormi’s birthday party and i just wasn’t ready…. i was feeling lost and depressed when the opportunity presented to me… i’ve never been the same ever since the day i declined.” She also added: “Sometimes our inner voices keep playing games on us, we just gotta work through, i know it’s hard but don’t be sad, you’re so sexy hahah”

We tried to get more details behind the songs in the album, labasurita described the album as “camp” and “pop” but what is this album really about ? “I tried to keep it simple, there’s not a single love song because love is dead to me, a lot of the songs were inspired by anger and a particular fight i had with one big celebrity, “Eat Your Ruffles Bitch!!” has a lot of beef in it, cant wait for the world to see the real side of that bitch” - Said the singer, she also added: “Mana Japonesa, I Faked a Trip to NYC and Girlies are the main bops of the album and i would definitely say that “Everybody Laughs At My Funeral” is the most personal in the album.”

When we asked her why love was dead to her, she got all emotional… showing a side we have never seen from her before. “I just dont…. i just dont think love is made for me, i’ve always been a loner, the lonely girl.. and i’ll always be that way… at least for now.” After a big silence she broke character and added: “I just hate feeling used, boys love to play with you and when you are not ready to play it’s best to stay away from the games, thats how love works.”

Future is not something labasurita is afraid of, she believes god and success are on here side this time, she’s ready to become the next “it” girl. “I’m not worried about my future, when you’re talented you don’t gotta worry about what’s next for you, you just roll with it… i bet Judy, Divine, Meryl or even Paty Chapoy have never asked themselves “What’s next for me?” NO!! it’s because they got it in them… when you are born a one of a kind…. you just know the world loves you and you just gotta serve for the crowd”

Labasurita is definitely the star everyone is talking about… talented, brilliant, never the same, another club…. she is the it girl and we better keep an eye on her.

My Funeral debuts 10.22.22, Pre-Order Now!

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daeguzen · 2 years

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yooo thank you for your beautiful words T^TT i think very lowly of myself all the time and am surprised that my friends still stood by my side T^TT (not many, but they always see the good things in me and change my perspective when i doubt myself, so im really grateful to have known them T^TT)

aaand on the dating part!! im 24 now but ive never dated in my life 🤣 one friend said: "you just...don't seem like you're looking for it" and im like yeah, that's partially true😅 but the core reason is that ive never met someone that i seriously wanna be in a relationship with (crushes yes, but i tend to picture things in the long run and if i don't see a far future together, then my answer is always no). esp after graduating uni, i don't even think about wanting to be in a relationship anymore.. life has already consumed all of my energy and my heart is kinda numb now 😭 I'm so sorry for such a depressing rant 😭 you're still SO young and you deserve to pursue all that makes you happy and live the best life ❤️❤️ i really miss being 19~21 bc i met my bestest friends during this period and grew a lot :) I'm sure you're in one of your most amazing adulthood years now ❤️

ooh and how long will you be a substitute teacher for? do you need to teacher them the actual syllabus if the teacher is absent for some time? 😆

<3 <3 in this house we only spread positivity :) people aren't perfect by nature, so i think it's good that you have your friends because they accept you for who you are and aww that's sweet, i love that for you.

woah ~ it's so strange meeting people older than me because i feel very young and i look like it too lol i haven't aged much since beginnings of high school. i thank my dads genes for that LOL. so i feel like...im still a child when talking to older people but i've been told i have an old soul aha. and yeah i completely understand that, i don't have many friends but that's ok because i think it's comfortable sharing with a few people than a lot. i think romantic feelings would develop with someone i would know a little better and talk to often. romance is weird, it functions differently for anyone.

that's just what happens as you get older. when you're young everything is fun and games and you just go to school and do what your told. as you get older you have to set these things up for yourself, focus on finding a stable and decent income to keep yourself surviving in such a fast paced world. some situations are different than others so i love that you focus on what you need to do. romance is something that shouldn't and doesn't have to be rushed. and nah it isn't depressing it's interesting to read and interact with other people. your lifestyle seems kinda chill to be honest, especially from the way that you talk, i get chill vibes :D

awww ^~^ thank you, i shall try my best to pursue what i enjoy, i think a life full of art, fashion, and music, is beautiful. it's fun and refreshing for me. and to those who go into medical school, social work, teaching, and so much more have decided on career paths that contribute a lot to helping other people on a more personal level and i think that too is greatly respectable. all careers should be like that, appreciated for what they are. (aww hun you're still hella young tho two years isn't two big of difference but yess, reliving those moments in your head tho that's a therapeutic thing) thank you for all your kind words too, i really appreciate them ^~^ i never saw myself in this position of being able to interact with people online, especially over my writings, so i'm happy that i've gotten to meet people on here, it's sweet.

and honestly, i am not sure, i was thinking of doing it next year but my first half of the semester, i ended up with morning classes. so i only have two days in the week to actually work as a sub. i currently work with kids as an assistant so i just help out the actual teacher. in the future with the older kids i don't think i'd be in charge of teaching them because i wouldn't be able to take a long term sub job if a teacher is absent for a longer period of time. i have my own classes to attend and responsibilites so even if i wanted to i wouldn't be able to. but i think im gonna try to look for another job for the summer or for jobs at my campus to fill in during days i can't sub. this past spring semester i did nothing LOL but this is where the fun is gonna start because i'll be going back to getting productive and enjoying caffeine :D

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

Text

Never Have I Ever - Harry Styles (part 5)

uh ohh, part 5 baby! im quite enjoying this story so far and i have some fun things planned for it, so i hope you’ll stay with me for them! in today’s part, our fav new celeb couple takes it all the way, though i chose not to include the actual sex part, however im still treating you all with some dirty stuff so enjoy!

pairing: Harry x actress!reader

word count: 4.6k

warning: NSFW content

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

New couple alert?

Harry Styles and Y/N Y/L/N have been spotted having lunch and grabbing coffee several times in the course of the past few weeks. All the outings looked casual and friendly, they gladly stopped for fans that approached them and the word has it that they’ve been getting closer to each other, though neither of them confirmed anything.

Harry Styles has been known to be single for a while now, only faint rumors swirling up sometimes, but none of them were proven to be true, the young actress is the first woman he has been linked to in a long time. Y/N Y/L/N has been focusing on her blooming career and has been single since her split from long time exboyfriend and fellow actor, Levi Hudson. The pair dated all through 2018, splitting in the beginning of 2019. Hudson has admitted their hectic schedules made it impossible to maintain their relationship while Y/N did not confirm anything.

Styles is going on his world-wide tour soon, while Y/L/N is currently between two projects. The young celebs seem to be enjoying each other’s company and fans have been quick to jump into speculations about their alleged romance, however there is no evidence as of right now.

“Thank you so much for your time, it was a pleasure to talk to you,” the young interviewer smiles at you, holding her hand out and you shake it with a warm smile.

“Thank you for having me! And I really like your shoes, by the way,” you point down at her electric blue pumps that you’ve been eyeing since the start of the interview.

“Oh, thank you! Got them from a vintage store,” she beams, a slight blush playing on her cheeks clearly a little starstruck from your compliment.

“Love those little stores.”

“Me too,” she giggles collecting her papers and notes. “Someone will contact you and your team soon about the photoshoot and I’ll email you a draft of the interview in about a week.”

“That’s perfect, thank you so much,” you nod at her grabbing your purse from the side table next to you. Grabbing your phone from the depth of it you smile to yourself upon seeing the text from Harry.

“Call me when you’re done with the interview Xx.”

You say your goodbye to everyone before heading out of the building. Lawrence is at the front waiting for you in the car and he greets you with a warm smile when you sit into the backseat. As he starts the car and heads back to your home, you call Harry, who picks it up after the second ring.

“Hey! How was the interview?” he beams brightly, his voice immediately making you smile.

“Great! This young girl did it and she had some exciting questions.”

“Sounds lovely. Can’t wait to buy a Cosmopolitan with you on the cover soon,” he says and you can hear the grin through his voice.

“Will look good in your hands for sure,” you chuckle.

“Right. So I have a question for you.”

“Go for it.”

“I’m doing this very small show at Beacon Theater this weekend, kind of a practice before the real tour begins and I was wondering if you’d be up to come. Would love to have you there.”

“When is it exactly?”

“Saturday at nine. I know it’s a short notice and I get it if you have something else going on, just wanted to ask.”

“I think I can make it work,” you smile, thinking back at what your day looks like on Saturday. “Can I bring someone?”

“Of course! Just let me know how many people so I can have the tickets sent over to you.”

“Thank you. It’s sweet of you to think about me.”

“You know I always think about you,” he murmurs and his voice sends a shiver down your spine. Crazy to think how much he can affect you with just his words, he just has a special spell on you, it seems.

“Still such a flirt, I see,” you chuckle, feeling your cheeks heating up as you hear his soft laugh on the other end of the line.

“For you, always.”

“Alright. I’ll text you about the tickets and thank you again. Can’t wait to see you perform finally.”

“It’s been due for a while now, right? Kind of promised you some tickets on Ellen, if I remember correctly.”

“You did!” you laugh thinking back at the time you met him. How funny that just one short game on a talk show led the two of you here. You have to thank Ellen though.

“Now I’m finally keeping my promise. Talk to you later then, Love. Have a great day.”

“You too, Harry.”

You manage to convince Sydney to join you for the concert, she sounds excited when you ask if she had anything to do on Saturday. Seeing Harry perform before his tour kicks off is a thrill for her she wouldn’t pass on for anything, so she is really grateful that you thought of her as your plus one.

Harry has your passes sent over to your place on Friday and it comes with a bouquet of flowers as well as a card.

“Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. What’s your favorite song? I’ll make sure to perform it just for you. –H”

He never fails to make you feel like the only woman on the planet and you can definitely see why so many fall for him even without meeting him. The man has all the power to charm anyone with just a smile.

You put the flowers into a vase and leave them on your dining table before grabbing your phone and sending him a quick text.

“It’s Only Angel,” you simply write, hoping he’ll get it why you just wrote that. Luckily, he does.

“Straight to the setlist. Dedicated to You.”

Finishing up the last touches to your makeup you bop your head to the song blasting through the stereo. It’s Only Angel, of course. You’ve had it on repeat all afternoon and now you can’t wait to actually see Harry perform it live.

Just as you are about to get changed, Syd arrives so you let her in with a beaming smile and when she hears the music upon walking into your place she cheers in excitement.

“Yes! This is such a jam!” she smirks, doing a little dance as you lock the door behind her.

“You look fantastic, Syd,” you tell her. The black short dress looks amazing paired with the lilac oversized blazer. Her makeup matches the same color and you are obsessed with the fishnet tights. She will surely make men wish she was into them.

“Thank you! Spent two hours figuring out what to wear, so I hope I look fantastic,” she giggles.

She helps you put together your outfit as well. Wide legged flaming red pants that make your waist look snatched, a black sheer top tucked into it with just a black bralette underneath. You already know Harry will be a fan of the skin you’re showing, you can’t wait to see his face when he finally spots you.

You quickly pack your essentials into a black Chanel purse along with stuff you need for a possible sleepover if things might take a pleasant turn, and you finish with everything just when the doorman calls up through the intercom that Lawrence has arrived.

“So, what’s the deal with you and him, if I may ask?” Syd questions in the car, not in a nosy way, more like a curious, friendly way.

“We are… getting close,” you say, tasting the word on your tongue. You haven’t labeled whatever you have going on with Harry, nor do you really know what it should be called. You’ve been trying hard to make time for each other as much as possible, making small lunch and coffee dates a regular thing. He came over to your place one evening for a movie and that’s the only time you were able to be alone with him, though nothing sexual happened. Yet. The real deal is yet to happen and if you are being honest you are running short on patience. It’s getting harder to hold yourself back and keep your hands to yourself as well when you are out with him, but you agreed to keep it lowkey out in the public.

Tonight, however, you have a feeling what you’ve been waiting for so long might actually happen and you can only hope Harry is planning the same thing. You are absolutely ready to bluntly ask if he wants to spend the night at your place.

“But you’re heading… somewhere, right?”

“I hope so,” you smile shyly.

“That’s amazing. I think you two are a match,” Syd smirks at you.

By the time you arrive to the venue the gates have been opened so people are busy getting inside, giving you the chance to walk inside through the backdoors without any fuss.

“Miss, Harry requested me to usher you to his dressing room when you arrive,” the girl at the door smiles at you with a clipboard in her hands and a headset covering her ears.

“Oh, alright,” you nod, turning to Syd. “You go ahead and get us a good place,” you tell her and she nods walking away with a wave as she heads up to the second floor that’s fully reserved for friends and family.

Following the girl down the hallway you are led to a room that has Harry’s name on it. She gently knocks on the door and a few moments later it flies open, revealing Harry in a colorful suit and a simple white button-down shirt. He looks breathtaking, hair fixed perfectly and the wide grin stretching across his lips when he sees you standing there.

“You’re here!” he breathes out, grabbing your hand and pulling inside, snatching you away from the preying eyes. Once the door clicks closed behind you, he is quick to press his lips to yours in a sweet welcoming kiss. Ever since your first official date he hasn’t passed on any chance to kiss you whenever you had the luxury of privacy to yourselves, which hasn’t happened too much, leaving you both with a growing hunger for each other every time you meet.

“Mm of course I am,” you smile against his lips before pecking them one last time and leaning back. “Looking great, Mr. Styles,” you grin, taking your time to wander your eyes down on him.

“Yeah? Like the suit?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, I love your outfit as well. M’gonna have a hard time not thinking about you on the stage.”

“Please think about me,” you breathe out with a coy smile.

“Don’t fucking say that to me, you are giving me a hard time,” he groans and you just chuckle at the tortured look on his face.

“Sorry,” you mumble, but your face doesn’t meet your words. He squeezes your waist gently, pecking your lips in a rush before he lets go of you.

“I need to go over a few things before we start, so just go ahead and join Syd. Meet me here after the show?”

“Yeah, perfect,” you nod smiling. “Good luck out there,” you wink and he grins at you with bright eyes. His hands grab onto yours before you head out, pulling you in for one last kiss before you leave.

You feel flustered and you take a few deep breaths on your way up to the gallery to find Syd who managed to get an amazing spot at the front on the left side.

They offer everyone up on the gallery some champagne before the show starts and looking around you see a few familiar faces, but no one you specifically know. You stick with Sydney who is over the moon about the show and you are kind of sharing her excitement.

When the lights go down and the music finally starts, you can’t help but join in with the screams that fill the theater.

You’ve seen videos of him performing, in One Direction and solo as well. You’ve seen pictures and you’ve heard the words about how amazing he is on stage, but none of those live up to the actual experience. The sensation that takes over you just by seeing him appear on the stage as the whole theater chants his name as one, it completely sweeps you off your feet and for a second you wonder how you could live a life without this experience.

When his voice starts to flow through the massive speakers you need to take a deep breath, a shiver runs down your spine and you chug down the rest of your champagne so you could get rid of the glass and hold onto the railing with both hands because you feel like you need to ground yourself before you shoot into the sky.

Song after song, he performs perfectly, bringing every single person in the audience to that euphoric state they’ve been probably seeking their whole life. The experience is surely one of a kind, something you’ll definitely be thinking about for a long time.

Time seems to stop, though it cruelly carries on even when you forget about it completely. The concert is nearing its end and Harry takes a breather as he places his guitar to the stand behind him. You watch his every move as he walks back to the microphone, his gaze moving up to the gallery, roaming through the people until they find you.

“This last song is dedicated… to my Only Angel,” he murmurs into the microphone as the audience erupts, blows up at once and your heart skips a beat when his eyes linger over you for a little longer before the music starts to play.

You faintly hear Syd screaming next to you, probably aware that the dedication was addressed to you, but you can’t tear your eyes off of the man on the stage.

He nails it perfectly, looking like an absolute rockstar that he truly is and for a moment you can’t believe you have his attention and interest. How can such a precious and unbelievably talented man be in your reach?

Because I deserve great things in life, you tell yourself, a little mantra you’ve gotten around to repeat every time you found yourself doubting your success and happiness.

The concert eventually ends and though no one in the room desires the end of it, Harry leaves and you are abruptly brought back to reality.

“That was… something else truly,” Syd breathes out as the two of you linger around a little longer, trying to come down from the high you just experienced.

“Yeah. He is so fucking talented it’s almost unfair,” you chuckle running a hand through your hair.

“This tour will kill thousands of people all around the world,” she muses and for a moment, reality sets in and you realize that Harry will leave for his worldwide tour very soon, leaving you behind.

You get rid of the thought, not wanting to stress over something that’s not relevant just yet and you don’t want to ruin the evening either. Fears and stress can wait a little longer.

The two of you make your way backstage, walking into a bit of a chaos as all close friends and family want to congratulate to Harry and the band as well. Standing at the side you let everyone have their time, barely even seeing Harry in the sea of people in the spacious green room. Syd keeps you company as you wait and about thirty minutes later it seems like the crowd is starting to loosen up.

Harry spots you and excuses himself immediately from his conversation with a couple, heading in your direction with the widest grin you’ve ever seen on his pretty face.

“Congrats, that was mind-blowing,” you smirk as he reaches you, a hand curling around your waist as he leans down and places a kiss to your cheek, keeping it as moderate as possible, though you both just want to jump at each other.

“Thank you, Love,” he nods, a blush tinting his cheeks from your words. “Hello Sydney, so great to see you again,” he greets the girl next to you and they share a short hug.

“Hi! Loved the show so much!” she giggles in excitement.

“Thank you for coming.”

The three of you chat for a while before Sydney says she is gonna call herself an Uber, so after saying her goodbye she leaves you alone with Harry, as much as you can be alone with a bunch of other people around.

“I wanted to ask you something,” he clears his throat as his hand finds its way back to the small of your back.

“Go for it.”

“We are gonna grab a drink at some bar, but nothing over the top and I wanted to ask if you would want to join.”

“Sounds good,” you smile, feeling a little disappointed. This is not exactly what you wanted him to ask. Luckily, he is not done with his questions.

“Also… I-If it’s cool by you, I thought that… maybe you could come over?”

“Mmm, go over and do what?” you tease him, your smile stretching wider with each passing moment.

“I have plenty of ideas, Love,” he breathes out, making you laugh. “We could drop by your place if you need anything to stay over.”

“No need. Packed a bag,” you slyly grin at him, taking him by surprise clearly, but it’s surely a pleasant one.

“Always a step ahead of me, huh?” he smirks, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

It takes some time to actually leave the venue and head off to the bar with a close group of friends of him and the band. A secluded area was already reserved for you that has its own bar, so you could enjoy the evening without worrying about preying eyes of strangers or fans. You really weren’t in the mood to keep your distance from Harry, this way at least you were able to touch each other in a more intimate way without speculations swirling up immediately.

You get to know his band and some of his friends, they are all genuinely amazing people, but you weren’t expecting anything else. You figured he only surrounds himself with people like him. His hands often find your waist and he doesn’t shy away from kissing your cheek or giving your hips a gentle squeeze, just letting you know you have his attention and he appreciates that you’re there.

It’s nearing one am when the guests start leaving and soon enough you find yourself in the back of your car with Harry, heading to his place, while you try your best to keep your hands away from him. You wouldn’t put Lawrence through the trauma of having to see or hear something he shouldn’t.

But that doesn’t stop you from kissing, something you’ve been dying to do all night. Your hand rests on his thigh while he has an arm curled around your shoulders, keeping you tight by his side, delicately brushing his nose against your hair every time your lips are not connected.

“Thank you, Lawrence. I’ll call myself a taxi in the morning, have the day off,” you tell your driver who smiles in your way thankfully while Harry grabs your and his bags from the back of the car.

“Thank you, Miss. Enjoy your night,” he nods in your way as you shut the door closed.

You try to take your duffel bag from Harry, but he insists to carry it as the two of you walk inside his house.

“Want something to drink? Water, tea or something?” he asks, setting the bags down near his giant, comfortable looking couch. Your thoughts immediately wander to a dirty field, picturing him sitting on that very couch as you kneel in front of him, pleasuring him so good that his eyes roll back…

“Yeah, water please,” you say clearing your throat. Some hydration will come handy after the drinks you chugged down at the bar.

You follow him as he shuffles into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and a bottled water from the fridge for you, pouring some into the glass before handing it to you.

“Thank you. You have a nice place for yourself,” you tell him, looking around in his home.

“Thanks. Been working on it for a while,” he chuckles softly. “Feels a bit too big for just myself though.”

You finish the water and set your eyes at him, feeling your hunger for him grow with each passing moment. Placing the empty glass to the marble counter you take a step closer to him.

“You feel lonely often?” you question in a low voice. His eyes return to you and you are happy to see the same lust in them.

“Would say so, yes,” he nods, running his tongue over his pink lips before he reaches out and grabbing you by your hips, he draws you close to him. Leaning down his lips brush against the shell of your ear, a shiver runs down your spine when you hear his whisper in it. “Hope it’ll change soon.”

At a loss of patience, you grab his face and angle it perfectly so you can kiss him hard. And by hard, you mean real hard. He stumbles back from the force, but manages to keep his balance, returning the kiss just as vehemently as he receives it, a tug of war starting between the two of you.

His hands work fast on the sheer fabric of your shirt, pulling it out from the waistband of your pants, getting rid of it eagerly as his lips wander down on your neck, collarbones and chest. He easily turns the two of you around so you are pushed against the edge of the countertop, his hips pushed against you and it’s clearer that daylight just how excited he is to have you here tonight. Your eyes flicker over to the couch again and the desire to please him with your mouth just bursts, you can’t hold yourself back anymore.

So you push him away from you, grabbing his wrist and yanking him after you, heading towards the couch. You push him down and his lustful eyes follow every move of yours as you kneel in front of him and he realizes what you are about to do. He doesn’t stop you when you work to unbutton his pants, but his hand finds your chin and he pulls you up for a swift, but passionate kiss.

Once you successfully undid his pants he lifts his hips and you spare some time and energy, pulling them down along with his underwear, leaving him only in his vintage printed t-shirt as his cock springs free. You push your thighs together just at the sight of him, the way his eyes burn down on you, how his lips part when your gazes meet and the way he sucks on his breath when your fingers dig into his thighs near his crotch as you situate yourself closer.

“I believe I owe you an orgasm, don’t I?” you ask with a cheeky smirk before wrapping your left hand around the base of his shaft, giving it a gentle squeeze, just enough to get him even more excited. A whimpered moan slips from his lips and you lean closer, giving his cock a lick from bottom to top, wrapping your lips around the head as you swirl your tongue around it.

“Fuck hell!” he breathes out, clearly enjoying himself, hands fisting the cushion next to him, but you bet they’ll be buried in your hair soon.

You’re not an expert in the field of blowjobs, but it’s been your thing to come barging right through the door and jump the easy teasing whenever you were on your knees for a man. So with your hands fixed on his beautiful face, you sink down on him, his cock gliding into your mouth right until the tip reaches the back of your throat, earning the loudest moan you’ve heard from him. Shutting your eyes closed you keep him like that for a second until the urge to gag starts to set in, so you slide him out, your saliva dripping down his erection as your eyes meet his and you can tell you shocked him with your bold first move.

“Do that one more time and I won’t last for a minute,” he warns breathing heavily and you just smirk up at him before going into action again, this time only taking a smaller portion of him, pumping the base to make up for the lack of deep throating, but it appears that he enjoys just the simple part of it equally. As you keep bobbing your head, taking as much of him as you can without gagging, his right hand flies to your hair, taking a handful of it as he gently guides your head, keeping it in the rhythm that works the best for him and you happily let him do whatever makes him feel good.

When your free hand goes to gently massage his balls your name erupts from him in the most voluptuous way you’ve heard him call out for you. As if he just cried out for God himself.

“Y/N, fuck, I won’t last long,” he warns you, but that’s all you want. You need to see him come undone under your touch, you want to be the reason his breath hitches. Picking up your pace you see him whimper some more, head falling backwards to the back of the couch. It’s a heavenly view and you wish you could take a picture of his beauty as he enjoys himself on this intimate level. You’ve never wanted to please a man more than him and just seeing him in this blissful state makes you wet through your underwear.

When his breathing starts to get uneven, chest heaving wildly, you take all of him again, his head poking the back of your throat and you push your tongue against his length as you slide him out, picking up the same pace that you kept before, both hands working hard on him.

“Fuck! I-I’m gonna cum!” he warns again and just a few seconds later, you feel the evidence of his satisfaction spurt into the back of your throat, eyes falling on you as you give him one last lick before swallowing everything that’s in your mouth.

“Holy shit,” he breathes out pulling you up, eagerly kissing you without a second thought, his hands cupping your cheeks to keep you in place. “You surely know how to kill a man, yea?” he huffs making you chuckle.

“Think you can go for a second one?” you sheepishly ask, blinking up at him from under your long lashes.

“I’ll have enough time to recover while I eat you out like you’re my last meal,” he bluntly replies, and a moan almost slips from your lips.

“Show me what you got, Styles,” you challenge him and he doesn’t need more, he easily picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he heads straight to the bedroom.

“As you wish, Angel,” he mumbles against your skin, peppering your neck and shoulder with featherlike kisses along his way until he throws you to his bed, ruthlessly tearing the remaining of your clothes off your body.

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mindofharry · 3 years

Text

In which it’s your husbands birthday and you have the perfect gift.

SO THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING FOR CHRIS! IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS TO READ THIS!!!! I HOPE YOU LOVE THIS SMALL BLURB. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS, MY BELOVED! REBLOG, FEEDBACK IS WELCOME AS ALWAYS!!! HAPPY READING :D

mentions of ivf! other than that, a whole lot of fluff!! <3

You found out were pregnant a few days ago. It was unexpected, but you were thrilled. You cried and cried on the bathroom floor, taking test after test with your sister leaning against the door her eyes widening in shock every time the test came back positive. It was no shock that you and chris wanted kids. Even more meeting each other you both knew kids were for you, from a very young age you knew you wanted to be a mom. You would play the mom in every game, your siblings can vouch that you were like a second mother to them - very bossy, but they loved you for that. Chris was the exact same, and he was so unbelievably good with kids. At the family gatherings kids would just surround him, wanting to play with him and get carried everywhere he went. This role was just made for the both of you.

While you sat on the bathroom floor, looking at these tests you became so overwhelmed. You and chris hadn’t been trying, you tried very early on in your marriage and nothing seemed to happen. You really thought something was wrong with you. You tried ivf, all of those treatments, hacks you found on the internet. Nothing seemed to happen. Chris was the most supportive and kind person through it all, and he never once blamed you for this even though you very much blamed yourself. But you both got through it and decided you’d try again soon or maybe adopt in the future. You both wanted kids so badly, but maybe the time just wasn’t right.

You had found out were pregnant a week before chris’ birthday. You wanted him to know so bad, to be here with you. But he was on a trip for some work and you didn’t want to tell him this over a phone call - and hey, you hadn’t gotten him a main present yet. So this will have to do! You just know chris will be over the moon. As of right now, you, your sister and the doctor you visited after taking the test are the only people that know of your pregnancy. Of course you wanted chris to be there with you for the first ultrasound, but you were just so shocked that you needed a professional to confirm the tests.

You and your sister are definitely the worst people at keeping secrets. It was what you guys were known for in the family. You were both bursting at the seems to tell everyone and anything the news. Your sister agreed with you on keeping this a secret until chris’ birthday, she knew he would be even more surprised. And it would be so much better if you did it in person. He gets home late on the saturday, so it’s the perfect time to do it.

You had it all sorted out.

You wake up early, prepare pancakes and some coffee for chris to eat in bed. A little cuddle and kiss, before you’d sneak off to the closet to grab all of his presents. You had bought him clothes, a new watch, some of his favourite candy and a a romantic night away in a fancy hotel next month. In a small, white bag would be the positive pregnancy test and a baby grow with the words ‘Can’t wait to meet you daddy!’ plastered on the front.

The next couple of days were tough to say the least. You were throwing up non stop, and you were in bed sleeping all day for most of the week. You had told chris, that you looked after your mom when she got a stomach bug and must of passed it on to you so you were just taking it easy. He seemed to believe it and you were able to convince him to stay on his trip.

You can’t wait to see him.

You missed his kisses and cuddles a lot. That’s basically what got you through the week, knowing the chris would be home and ready to kiss and cuddle you on sunday.

By saturday, you were feeling a little better. The morning sickness was still there, but you weren’t getting sick every two seconds so that was a plus. You prayed that this wouldn’t stick, you hate getting sick.

“Baby?” Chris whispered as he walked into the bedroom. You were fast asleep panned out on the bed, your book on your stomach and glasses still over your eyes. Chris laughed to himself, taking your glasses and book away and on to your bedside table. You looked beautiful, even asleep. He hated being away from you for so long, but it was the best feeling in the world to finally snuggle with each other again. Chris was definitely a sucker for cuddles. Even when you two were still get to know each other, you knew he was a cuddler and very handsy. He just loves being around you, and mostly on top of you - he means that in more ways than one.

His birthday is always so special with you. When you were dating he didn’t really expect much, just a cake and a few gifts. But you always went all out and so did your family. He was forever grateful for you and the new family you brought with you.

Chris tucked you into the bed, kissed the side of your head and got ready for bed himself. He brushed his teeth, then stripped down and hopped into bed. You immediately rolled over and cuddled yourself into him, chris sighed in content as you buried your head into his neck. He missed you so much and he was so fucking glad to be home.

You woke up bright and early, all on your own surprisingly. You looked over and saw chris laying on his stomach sprawled out on the bed. You giggled to yourself before kissing his shoulder and getting out of bed quietly and slowly.

Making the food was probably the hardest thing to do. The scents and the fridge smell was making you want to puke and never eat anything ever again. Thankfully, you got through it not getting sick once. When you went upstairs with the food, chris was still fast asleep. You think he was messing because he jumped up about 20 seconds after you entered the room. You smiled, amused at the little performance but quickly moved over to sit on the side of the bed and give chris his food.

“Honey….” He trailed off taking a bite of the pancake. You pecked his cheek, a blush forming on his cheek. “Amazing” He said gulping down his orange juice.

“I love you, happy birthday” You said grabbing the gifts from the closet. Chris shook his head sighing.

“You got me so many things. You know i don’t need all of these” He said and you pouted kissing his lips. “No, but you deserve them” You said and chris smiled opening up his presents.

Then came the last present. Your heart was beating so quickly and you’re sure chris could hear it. You were so nervous, but so excited for his reaction. Would he cry? Laugh? just smile? So many thought ran through your mind. You’ve both wanted this for so long and now it’s finally here, you just don’t know how he’ll react and it’s making you beyond nervous. You think you might actually get sick now.

Chris puts his hand in the bag taking out the baby grow first.

“Babe, dodger will not fit in this” Chris said and you laughed turning the baby grow around and then taking out the pregnancy test. Chris looked at the writing on the baby grow and then to the positive pregnancy test. He looked up at you, tears in his eyes and he immediately placed his lips on yours. You were surprised, but kissed back immediately.

He pulled back and leaned his forehead against yours sniffling a little. You placed your hands on his cheeks.

“You’re pregnant?” He asked and you nodded.

“10 weeks. I’ve known all week, wanted to surprise you” You replied and chris shook his head looking down at the baby grow.

“I love you” He said and you grinned.

“I love you, too. Baby loves you so much already” You said placing a hand on your stomach. Chris bit back a sob putting his hand on yours.

“We’re going to be parents, baby. What the fuck” He said and you laughed sitting down on his lap.

“Yeah, but we’re gonna be pretty fucking cool parents”

#chris evans #chris evans fluff #dad chris evans #dad chris evans imagines #chris evans x you #chris evans dad blurbs #chris evans fanfic

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