#but also we just gotta live with our choices and circumstances
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Love love love outgrowing music
#I was obsessed with ‘nothing new’ like a year ago#and then I just listened to it cause I’m gonna stop being 22 soon so I gotta get everything I can out of songs about being 22#and I felt. not that much#cause now I have like a healthy attitude toward aging!!#like. can’t relate. I’m looking forward to meeting a seventeen year old with stars in her eyes who wants to be Just Like Me#and I cannot imagine being bitter about her youth#I’m excited!! one day I’m gonna be 30 and so happy about it#‘the kind of radiance you only have at 17’#I know a 70 year old man who has more ‘radiance’ and energy than most teenagers#I’m not perfect I do occasionally meet a teenager who got much much better opportunities than me#and feel a twinge of jealously cause That Could Have Been Me if it wasn’t for the pandemic#but also we just gotta live with our choices and circumstances#and not fault others for theirs I think#maybe maybe maybe#I COULD be satisfied with an average life marina!!#maybe.#gonna work on that issue next
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An Overdue Nap
Heisenwinters domestic fluff au, featuring a very sleepy Karl with a power inhibitor and no sense of personal space. Please enjoy!
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“Mia.”
Ethan’s voice was small, hushed. From the kitchen, Mia could barely hear him, so she stayed put at first, watching her insta-oats slowly rotate in the microwave. It was the late afternoon in the safe house they were relocated to after what happened in the village, but circumstances hopefully meant this was the last one for a long time. Would be nice if Rose got to start school here in a couple years.
“Mia. Mia!”
Now she could hear it, and that somewhat urgent tone, too. Following Ethan’s voice to the living room, she discovered the reason behind him calling for her.
Karl’s adjustment to house arrest was…a very mixed experience, but his options after Miranda’s death were to be locked in a concrete box, alone, and be tested on, or to stay with the Winters’. When factoring in things like being able to see sunlight and keeping his organs untouched, it was an obvious choice.
Unfortunately the obvious choice also meant wearing a tracker and power inhibitor at all times. The whole situation left him angry, pouty, tired—
—And now angry, pouty, tired Karl, always claiming to be touch averse, had passed out hard and had himself draped over Ethan’s form on the couch. Ethan’s eyes were alight, matching the ear-to-ear grin plastered on his face. Mia’s own expression twisted as she tried not to immediately burst out laughing.
“How…how did he even—“
“—Don’t ask how! Just get your phone and take a picture already! I think he’s waking up.”
“Right, right…” Her volume dimmed to match his. She dashed to get her phone from where she left it in Rose’s room while putting her down for her nap. By the time she returned, Ethan was cupping his hand over his mouth. His shoulders twitched with his own efforts not to laugh and wake Karl up.
*Click*
The dimmed lighting automatically put her camera settings to flash mode. Mia and Ethan froze, and Karl began to stir—briefly. He shifted into a slightly different position and dropped back on top of his brand new bed.
“He sleeps harder than Rose,” Ethan whispered with a barely hidden snicker. “God, I think he’s drooling on me.”
“I mean, all those nights he spends moping around. This had to happen eventually, right?” She took a few deep breaths to ease the threat of cracking up. “I guess…I’ll leave you to it? We can show him the picture once he’s—“
SNOOOOORE
Ethan wheezed as he tried to muffle himself with his sleeve, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Mia snorted loudly. Trying to stifle the sound left it sounding like air rushing out of a garbage disposal. She wished she took a video instead of just a picture!
That noise, that snoring only continued. It practically shook the whole couch, which didn’t help Ethan’s case. “I can’t breathe,” he complained with that smile he had no chance of getting rid of. He rubbed up and down Karl’s back, not quite sure what else to do.
With the flash pointedly turned off, Mia made sure to snap a few more pictures. She intended them as blackmail. Maybe threatening to show them to Chris would finally convince him to learn how to do a load of dishes.
“You’re not gonna leave me like this, are you?” Karl was getting especially comfortable. “Mia, I gotta pee…”
“What do you expect me to do? Roll a grown man off of you? It’s Karl, he’s so dense I swear he’s made of rocks. I’m sure you’re learning that very well right now. Besides, you’re the one who wanted a grumpy old dog.” Right then, the microwave blipped from the other room. “And! I gotta take care of that.”
“Oh, I see how it is.”
“I guess you do.”
“Even though I saved you twice—“
“Yup.”
“—and rescued our beautiful daughter—“
“Uh-huh.”
“—and wound up with some pretty terrible scars—“
“I can’t hear you anymore, I’m in the kitchen getting my food.”
Ethan chuckled. He moved his hand from Karl’s back to his head, petting him like the grumpy old dog he definitely was. “You’re both the worst…I really am going to have to kick you off here in a few minutes. Mia’s right. You were overdue for a good rest. Wonder if I can convince you to just. Sleep normally. In a bed.”
If Rose can manage, why can’t he?
“I’m glad you’re warming up to us, though. At least, I hope this is you warming up.”
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OBSESSED with your timeloop AU and your last post about made me thinking… When Pete kissess Vegas, would he remember all the timeloops? And in case that timeloop fails for any reason, would in the next timeloop Pete be aware of all of them and because of it still act as naturally as possible because he'd conclude pretty soon that if he gets involved with Vegas too soon the timeloop would fail? So in the last timeloop, things go perfectly and when everything is done, Pete tells Vegas that he remembers all the loops but didn't tell him sooner because it would mess things up and in the end they are the only ones who know the entire truth and it additionally bonds them.
Sorry for lenghty ask, I'm just really curious 🤗
OOH THAT'S SUCH AN INTERESTING SCENARIO!!!!!!!
i gotta admit i haven't really thought about a proper resolution for this entire time loop AU yet, mostly because it's just something rattling around in my brain with no real purpose, and now im a bit torn because part of me REALLY LIKES the idea of pete remembering all the timelines after kissing vegas (sort of like TRUE LOVE'S KISS SFJKSHFKSG) and having to sort of guide him into making the right choices without telling him that he knows for everything to go well, but another part of me (the overdramatic hoe one) is like.. WHAT ABOUT MORE PAIN
because i also kinda like the idea of paralleling the original timeline, so i was thinking something like.. after pete kisses vegas they end up having sex (and yeah, vegas should probably know better but he is weak, and tired, and desperate, and needs-wants-misses pete like oxygen), but it only makes the situation worse for pete, because while something in him tells him that this is RIGHT, that this is how things are supposed to be, he still doesn't remember all the different timelines, he just has these pieces of memories that are and aren't his own at the same time, so he keeps being incredibly confused until he breaks down, like in the show, and vegas is horrified to learn what the constant resets are doing to pete, because he had no idea
so vegas ends up explaining to pete what's happening, hoping it would help him, but pete needs time to process everything, and vegas vows not to fail and reset the timeline again, even if he knows that it could mean pete doesn't end up loving him. it's like the ultimate sacrifice he is willing to make if it means pete won't be suffering like that anymore. turns out he actually manages to do things right, the conflict between the main and minor family still kinda happens, that's inevitable, but with kim's help vegas manages to convince kinn and porsche about what's happening, and the only casualties in the end are kan and korn. and im not sure about the circumstances, but basically what i was thinking it could happen is that vegas STILL gets shot in front of pete, and the moment pete is crying over vegas' body, THAT'S when all the memories of all the different timelines (even the original one) flood pete's mind
of course this time vegas survives and we still get our hospital scene, the only differences are that vegas rightfully steps up as the head of the minor family, while kinn and porsche control the main one, and that pete tells vegas he remembers everything
ANYWAY IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW THINGS GO, IN THE END THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS
#i.. kinda ended up hijacking your message and rambling by myself IM SORRY ;;;;;;;#my mind just gets out of control sometimes#but i hope you know your message made me incredibly happy!!!!!!#and please don't apologize you can send me all the lengthy messages you want!!!!!!#thanks for liking my silly time loop AU and for chatting with me about it!!!!#vegaspete#m: ask#lynx-paw
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No one else is noting the fact that both Saeran and V have on the wrong snorkeling gear. That tube is supposed to remain above water to help you breathe and yet they’re underwater 😭 and even V has a tank but it appears he’s not even using it. Maybe if we over analyze it can represent that at least Unknown in many cases was under prepared as he was lied to (for example he went in after mc without proper knowledge of the bomb). Either way, both of them are getting a breath full of salty water and I’m laughing at the image (assuming they both come out fine).
Also…we now know Unknown swims shirtless. I find it fascinating that Unknown seems to be the most scantily clad of all of the boys (along side GE and his exposed collarbones). Tight swimming pants, no shirt and a spiked bracelet still on. Yeah that’s our Unknown alright. I hope he’ll be ok with all that sun exposer he’s not used to.
Yes, Milk! You get it! You're thinking the hard thoughts over here that nobody else is! Frankly, a lot of people will snorkel with masks like the ones that Unknown and V are wearing even though they're meant to be closer to the surface for those funnels to work. I live by the ocean so I am really used to people donning these snorkels at pools and the beach without thinking twice. That's why I didn't mention it myself!
V actually has a tank he's wearing in this photo but you're right, he isn't using it as far as we can tell. It might just be that the connection to the tank is on the side of his body that we can't see. At least, he's got the chance to grab oxygen if he wants but I think him having the choice to help himself and not taking it is just more of a comment on his character in general. He will ignore the sign for help and try to do it alone without it!
However, Unknown does not have a tank. Rika sent him into the water and said, "Good luck, son!" See, he would absolutely ignore water burning his lungs when he knew that he could grab what he wanted! That's just on brand for him! In the same way, he will ignore other threats... and unfortunately, yes, you're right. This is also a way of showing us that Unknown is also a victim of circumstance just as much as anyone else. I hope he doesn't choke on salt water.
Unknown be like: Sun's out, tits out, but the bracelet stays on.
I also appreciate that Unknown has purple and pink coding... it gives him a bit of a separation from GE Saeran, Ray, and Suit Saeran. Also, it makes me happy because purple is my favorite color. Either he will stay underwater or he'll give a wicked sunburn from the heat. Oh, it's going to be a field day when he gets home to his assistant, and they gotta slather aloe on his ass.
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Sandstorm - Pointless Death Game: Chapter 5
Location: Lesson Room
Characters: Yuuta, Adonis, Kouga & Rei
TL Note:
The word for “hindrance; nuisance; interference” (邪魔) is written with the characters for ‘evil; wicked’ (邪) and ‘creature’ (魔).
Kouga: Alright…
Now that we’ve reconfirmed the significance of “SS”, let’s go back to practice.
I’m willin’ to do anythin’ if it means to win – to perform the music we wanna perform. Pretendin’ to be rabbits or whatever, I’ll do it.
Yuuta: Oh? You’re feeling up to it now? Alrighty then, it’s jumping time~♪
Kouga: ‘Kay… On the other hand, just so you know, we’re goin’ to do somethin’ you’re gonna definitely hate copyin’ next.
Yuuta: Something I’m definitely going to hate copying? Hmm, like “Crazy:B”?
Kouga: Then, let’s go with that. The further they are from us on the spectrum, the more our styles will grow.
That’s why we’re copyin’ “Ra*bits” and that’s what Adonis wants to do.
It’s gonna be tough but we’re gonna get through it. You shouldn’t keep shovin’ the burden to us. I bet Sakuma-senpai’s sayin’ that too.
Yuuta: What~? He’s not saying a word so how can you tell?
Kouga: He doesn’t need to speak for me to know that! Come on, stop blabbering. Let’s start the practice!
If you’ve got time to look for the easiest path, then you’ve gotta work hard and push through on the hardest one too! It’s way faster that way!
Yuuta: Ugh, we’ve got a muscle-head here… Oogami-senpai, you can get like that sometimes, huh.
Kouga: Oh, shut it. That sorta mindset has stuck with me since I was a kid, so I’ve got no choice but to live like that!
♪~♪~♪
Rei: “Hehe. Things were quite intriguing so I couldn’t help but listen attentively, but I’m here to tell you something important.”
Adonis: “Understood. We’ll talk while Yuuta has Oogami’s attention.”
Rei: “Kukuku. Kouga appears to never be thinking of things, but he’s doing the one thing we want him to do the most. I’m not sure whether I should call him a natural airhead or a genius.”
“In any case, the current situation is looking bleak.”
“We’re evil creatures who live in the darkness, but this body cannot be healthy unless it absorbs the light. Even the whales who live in the water must occasionally come up to the surface for air; it’s the same.”
Adonis: “Sakuma-senpai, unlike our normal circumstances, we’re conversing using sign language, so it’s difficult to understand if you express what you want to say in an indirect manner. My hands also get tired.”
Rei: “Indeed. Besides, a body language like sign language was invented so anyone in the world would be able to understand. It’s the world’s common language.”
“If we continue this for a long time, it would highly increase the probability of someone noticing and figuring out what we’re talking about.”
Adonis: “Yeah. I learnt afterwards that not everyone understands the general sign language. So perhaps it was an exaggeration to call it the world’s common language.”
Rei: “Kukuku. Despite your complaints, we’ve put on many performances using sign language.”
“It’s true that perhaps it wasn’t something that everyone was able to understand.”
“But your idea of wanting our songs to be heard by those who have lost the ability to hear is most certainly not wrong.”
“Therefore, I also agreed without stopping you and I respect that action of yours. Kouga also mentioned this but the things you do are always correct, Adonis-kun.”
Adonis: “Thank you. Common languages – the ones that are spoken – are not the only form of connection with others. I’m sure that’s what my mother wanted to tell me when she taught me sign language.”
“Thinking back on it now, that doesn’t only apply to sign language, but I think to body language as well.”
Rei: “The things your mother wanted to teach you are already things you understand.”
“Besides, if you’ve made a mistake, all you have to do is correct it. Even I often make mistakes – As long as you’re not an omnipotent god, everyone is bound to make errors.”
“Therefore, that’s exactly why no matter how perfect a strategy may appear, there are always ways to find openings.”
Adonis: “What do you mean?”
Rei: “We’re not in a good situation right now. We’ve been separated from our comrades, our movements have been restricted and our freedom has been taken from us – If we’re speaking in chess terms, we’re more or less cornered.”
“Do you know why things have turned out this way?”
Adonis: “No, that’s precisely why I’m at a loss.”
Rei: “Indeed. As I’m also in the same boat as you all, I can only make guesses.”
“On top of the fact that all I can do is watch on the sidelines, it means that, on the other hand, I was able to gather information and have a good think about things.”
“Therefore, I more or less have a grasp on the situation at hand.”
Adonis: “That’s amazing. As expected of you, Sakuma-senpai. You’re like a detective who has gathered the clues and discovered the truth ”
Rei: “If I had to say, I think I’m more akin to those opposing the heroes, though?”
Adonis: “Hehe. I don’t think anyone thinks of you as an “evil creature”, Sakuma-senpai.”
Rei: “No. I’m thankful you say that, Adonis-kun, but you trust the innate goodness of people too easily. I won’t call it a bad habit of yours, however.”
“If someone stands in the way of another’s goals, they are resented and seen as evil. Therefore, a ‘wicked creature’ is written as a ‘hindrance’[⁎].”
“It appears I’ve become that very hindrance this time.”
Adonis: “So, what does that mean…? Please explain it to me so I can understand, Sakuma-senpai.”
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂ Next Chapter →
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Can I ask for advice? So my ex has been going to concerts of my favourite artists and keeps buying me merch. Is it wrong of me to accept those knowing that they want to get back together while I really don’t and I’ve made it clear. I just want the merch since I couldn’t go to the concerts lol. I do plan on paying them back but is accepting those making it seem like I’m encouraging them to keep pursuing me?
If you're asking me to judge you, that's not really my style. Right, wrong, eh. The meat of the situation is that it's personal between you two. You'll be the one dealing with the aftermath, so the question is, what result do you want?
Your ex goes to concerts you can't go to, buys merch for you and gives it to you. What's the subtext here? Is your ex going out of their way to spend their dollar to provide these favors in hopes of you returning affections? Are they trying to get in your good graces because they've wronged you? Or were they going to go and buy merch anyway, so they're just picking up some extra to be nice? Let's say a friend does this for you. Would you pay them back right away? Or are you waiting to pay your ex back longer than you should for some reason (and/or vice versa - they might also be stretching out payment time in hopes of seeing you more).
The baseline of accepting the merch is not the issue. It is what it means, to you and to them. Ask then why they're doing it. Tell them you are not trying to lead them on if that's the case. If they feel like you are by accepting, then you make your choice. Sure, they may want to get back together, but honestly it might not be you they're missing, but rather the dynamic and the not-being-alone bit. It could be that all you gotta do is clarify so you two can move on easier.
You could skip the conversation and keep taking the merch. But there's consequences in lack of communication, ya know? Maybe you don't wanna deal with that. Perhaps it could get very dramatic and stressful and shit. At the end of the day, you have your favorite bands' merch. A passerby is not gonna know whether you got the merch in good vibes or bad blood, but you'll know.
Maybe you two are chill, just hurting but wanting to still be friends. It's difficult when it's like that. I understand being in that gray area. There will be rough moments but it is possible to be firm and draw that line. But also, maybe there's bitterness and it could get nasty. Sometimes we swallow bitter pills to teach ourselves a lesson. Not all mistakes make you worthless. Sometimes, mistakes make you worthwhile.
I don't believe ww always have to make the "right" choice and, anyway, the "right" choice is different for everyone. We all have our own circumstances. You make the best choice you can for the life you wanna live. You've dated this person. I think you can guess the consequences of whatever you choose to do.
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If there's a photograph that captures this year... you're looking at it.
2023 began with the both of us on a flight down to southern California where her uncle died less that very morning, early early morning. We were on the ground maybe twelve hours after Kimmer got that early morning phone call.
The flights continued through every month of the year. Not for that reason. Not only for emergencies. There were also some epic vacations in there. It also wasn't the both of us.
Me, yes. I traveled more this year than others in recent memory. Kimmer was on a plane every month. For emergencies. For vacations. For family care. For a lot of reasons.
I should also mention that any time Kimmer was on the road, she took her work with her. She saw clients from the road. She attended doctoral classes, did all that work... from the road.
Anyway. Every month.
Most of that was tied up in her aunt. Making sure of her care because she was on her own after the death of her husband. Coordinating with, well, seemingly every admin in the area.
Every month.
We also celebrated our wedding anniversary at Universal Studios, Florida. We also joined her southern California family and friends for camping by a lake... and then by the Pacific Ocean.
And yeah. Sometimes I joined her when she flew down to visit family and take care of her aunt.
So that photo of us above?
We did that move a bunch in 2023.
None of this, however, is my point, believe it or not.
My point is that Kimmer's aunt injured herself, broke her hip, and Kimmer was on a flight down nearly the next day. What sets this trip apart from every other... is that we bought a one-way ticket for her.
A one-way ticket.
Why?
Because we didn't know.
We didn't.
Know.
Because of that, we couldn't make a plan. We couldn't even make our best guess. What we could do, however, was make a start.
So we sent Kimmer away with a one-way ticket and a commitment to figuring it all out on the fly.
On the fly?
Yeah. She would, we would, figure it out in real-time. We would improvise when necessary and, as events and decisions played out, we would strategize and re-strategize. We would trouble shoot. We would course correct.
On the fly.
In real-time.
Its what you do, it's what you can do, when you have very little by way of answers.
So that's how we rolled.
Five weeks, by the way.
The answer is five weeks.
We made the choice to coordinate our lives from different states for an unknown amount of time. We were on the phone every day. We talked about her aunt's circumstance every day. Getting better? Getting worse? Any idea how much time left?
Because yeah. Her aunt was dying. She was going to die.
We just didn't know when.
When, by the way, turned out to be a handful of days after Kimmer returned home.
Five weeks later.
Helluva thing, I've gotta tell you. We lived our lives in tandem, in different states. Coordinating our efforts across 1100 miles.
When you get married, they say things like "better or worse, richer or poorer, 'till death do you part".
What they don't tell you is that sometimes you won't have the answers. A lot of times you won't have the answers. So you'll have to sort of make life up as you go. You'll have to wing it. Testing your circumstance every day and making decisions according to what you find.
It all worked out, by the way. We did it. What strikes me, though, is the ease with which we did it. The ease with which we managed the circumstance in which we found ourselves with 1100 miles between us.
It's probably for the best they don't tell you the kind of things that could happen when you're standing at the altar in front of everyone.
The kinds of things that come up during the course of a marriage will blow your mind. As will the kinds of things you're tasked with handling.
We're aided and abetted by a lot of tech. I won't lie. That totally helps. But I guess mostly I'm proud of what we handled and how we handled it.
I didn't know we could successfully do that kind of thing.
😁😁😁
#flights#long-distance relationship#taking care of family#travel#injury#'til death do us part#pressure#challenge#long-distance coordinating#surprised#improvising#strategic#critical thinking#coordinating#team work
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Sometimes you have to shoot from the hip.
Maybe it's a thing you've gotta say or do.
Maybe it's something you've gotta interpret or process or understand.
Maybe it's about making the call, the choice, the decision
Whatever it is, it's something that has got to happen that very moment. In mere seconds.
You've gotta do it right then.
So sometimes...
You have to shoot from the hip.
I...
Have to shoot from the hip.
In real time.
Here's the thing, though:
The number of circumstances in which I have to do that are astonishingly small.
If there's no clock involved, no immediate deadline... I have time.
If it's open ended... I have time.
If it's not an emergency... I have time.
Okay
One more time with feeling:
If it's not an emergency...
I.
Have.
Time.
I'm on a time kick lately. Not just professionally, also personally.
Time kick?
Yeah. As in taking it.
As in using it.
Strategically using it. Using it on purpose.
Why?
Because otherwise I'm chained to the present when, in fact, I have, you have, we all have the ability to live and learn and act...
Across time.
Present. Past. Future.
Otherwise I'm shooting from the hip about everything in a single moment in time. Blinders on. And that has consequences.
You see, whatever it is, I wanna get it right. I wanna act with deep insight. I wanna see the whole picture.
The whole picture.
Not just the piece that's poking me in the face right now.
I want context.
I want vision.
I want wisdom.
Ultimately, I want strategy.
So professionally, yes. I use time to think... before I create. For example, I'll be reading the script for my team’s upcoming 48 Hour Film Challenge from the moment it's written sometime Friday night to the moment the first batch of footage arrives at my door Saturday around noon. Ish. With a bit of time somewhere in there to sleep... and maybe have my subconscious play around with the pieces it captured while I was reading.
On top of that, today I was given a preliminary proposal for a new series and I'm already mentally adventuring through the creative implications of that proposal.
On top of that, my boss recently pulled us off a process that really should be handled outside our company so that we can continue to do what we do best.
I was never gonna have that insight, by the way. I was too dialed in on what I was doing.
But my boss?
Yeah.
He took the time to think about it.
And came up with the best answer for us.
So lemme circle back.
I don't have to relentlessly react to the present.
I don't have to constantly shoot from the hip.
I don't have to obligate myself to the narrowest view possible. The one that almost guarantees mistakes.
I'm not gonna do it. I'm reflexively not gonna do it.
Because not everything's...
An emergency.
Not everything's an emergency and it's important to not act like it is.
Shooting from the hip is usually something we do in isolation. Obviously done without context, insight, or continuity, shooting from the hip also seems not to promote reflection. There's no follow-up. There's no processing. No analysis. There's only...
The present.
And then the next present.
And then the present after that.
It's basically Whack-A-Mole writ large on a daily basis with no end in sight.
And that's not how I care to navigate my days. Day after day.
In the end, the number of circumstances in which I have got to do something with an instant's notice are astonishingly small.
If there's no clock involved, no immediate deadline... I have time.
If it's open ended... I have time.
If it's not an emergency... I have time.
Okay
One more time with feeling:
If it's not an emergency...
I.
Have.
Time.
#peace#patience#reflection#strategic thinking#reaction#taking the time#present#past#future#the whole picture#processing experience#shooting from the hip#acting in haste#doing without thinking
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You know, that "argument" of whether humans are inherently good or bad is one that has featured on your blog a lot, and I gotta say, it's a really stupid argument. I mean, the people who say humans are inherently evil are obviously wrong. And the people who say humans are inherently good are also, equally wrong. Humans are not inherently predisposed to do good things, or bad things just by virtue of being human. A person's predisposition towards morality is shaped by the circumstances of their birth and life, and their actions and choices as pertaining to those circumstances. Just as blindly declaring that All Humans Are Bad is a thinly veiled attempt at absolving oneself of guilt and removing the impetus to improve, so too is mindlessly declaring that All Humans Are Good a pathetic attempt at saying " I could Never do anything bad, because I'm just a normal person!" It lays the groundwork for declaring that anyone who acts outside the established morality isn't actually human, and that's a road I'm sure you don't want to walk down. It's high time people accept that humanity's defining characteristic is CHOICE. Your choices are what defines the very patchwork of your soul, a person's choices are the only things that matter. And your choices aren't inherently bad, or good, just because you made them.
I shall indulge you briefly. This after all a blog about paladins, and I am here to reflect the paladin ideal by sharing paladin ideals and imagery, not get lost in nitpicking every potential flaw in the things I choose to reblog, for fear that I might do the world harm by running a paladin blog.
You're using sophistry to prove your point by trying to put me in the position of defending the notion that people are inherently good when it's more of a case of trying to encourage people to see the goodness in themselves and others. Believing the best in others is not stating it as a fact, but a hope. I encourage others believe in themselves and others to better be able to recognize goodness and the growth of virtue by reminding them of that choice.
Because you are correct, it is a choice, but our ability to make the choice to be good is what gives us the potential to be good and I feel that isn’t something that should be dismissed. Virtue Ethics, my personal philosophy on what makes us good, choosing again and again and growing our decency. There is room for nuance, for reasoning and need and growth and change, even conflict, and still conclude that goodness is thing to hope for and see everywhere. Beyond that, there's simple fact: humans thrive when we are good to one another. We are creatures of community, whatever our individual foibles, we achieve more, live more, thrive more when we do so together, encouraging each other.
In my case, I state what I believe to be good, and hope it prompts more of that in others. I encourage people to choose it also and trust that they're wise enough to understand the difference between believing and encouraging in goodness and somehow disregarding nuance and contemplation on how to achieve these things.
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Attempt at a Witch Hat Atelier timeline
We are still missing a lot of backstory for our main cast, but I thought I’d try and write a timeline based on what we know so far, and explore where their storylines might intersect.
I am pulling these numbers out of my hat for convenience sake, but here are some approximate ages for the characters: at the start of the manga, let’s say Coco, Tetia and Agott are all 12, Riche is 11, and Qifrey and Olruggio are 28.
20-23 years ago: Olruggio leaves his birth town Godley and moves to the Great Hall, maybe as young as 5 years old.
While many witches are born in the Great Hall, Olruggio comes from a town called Godley in the North. Yet he doesn’t remember Utowin, who came from the same place. We know that young witches usually start their training between the age of 7 and 10, but since witch society is awfully elitist, Olruggio would have been sent there as soon as his talent for magic became apparent.
Being ripped from his home at an extremely young age could explain his fear of being unwanted and left behind: he overworks himself as a way to feel useful and validated, is defensive about his own feelings, and he gets agitated and sometimes aggressive whenever Qifrey hides things from him.
20 years ago: arrival of Qifrey at the Great Hall at age 8. Olruggio befriends him soon afterwards. The both of them start sneaking out at night to chase Brimhats.
8 year old Qifrey was one fierce little thing, you have to give him that. His abuse at the hands of the Brimhats was brutal enough to break a grown man, but he picks himself up and goes right after them like “Alright jerks, you’ve got some explaining to do and I want my eyeball back!”.
Also it cracks me up that Olruggio was carrying this massive book in their flashback. Gotta love that his reaction to Qifrey’s “Let’s go chase some terrorists!” was “Sure, let me just pack my homework =>”.
Finally, there might be a slightly more selfish motivation for Olruggio’s fast friendship and devotion to Qifrey. Olruggio’s self-esteem lies in his ability to help people, so he would naturally be drawn to someone helpless. It’s unclear how much of Qifrey’s memory was missing: apparently he didn’t know about birthdays. How many other basic concepts was he missing? Did he know how to read? Between that, his lack of knowledge about magic and his injury, he was probably completely dependent on Olruggio at the beginning. Given Olruggio’s wish that they go back to “the good old times” when they were always together, I am wondering whether some hidden part of him misses being essential to someone. It’s well-intentioned, but not entirely healthy, especially if he is using Qifrey as a coping mechanism for his own insecurities.
14 years ago: Olruggio and Qifrey make a pledge of (betrothal) friendship, exchange tassels and attempt the Librarian test at age 14. It is their last adventure together, but Qifrey will continue his investigations on his own, to Olruggio’s disappointment and betrayal. Qifrey starts wearing his half-tinted glasses.
In the pledge flashback, they are wearing their old tassels, but they have swapped them by the time they undertake the third test. Also, when he remembers that pledge, Olruggio says that Qifrey’s investigation “should have ended at the Tower of Books”. The tower is the last likely place where Qifrey could have found answers about his past and a non-forbidden way of getting his eye back. Olruggio probably made him promise that he would stop his search afterwards.
Beldaruit says that he thought Qifrey had given up on his search after the third test, but Olruggio tells a slightly different story. Apparently he thought Qifrey “finally stopped causing trouble” after taking in apprentices, which means he was still behaving suspiciously right up until he became a teacher. Alaira also comments on Qifrey’s interest in the Brimhats in the first volume, so clearly his investigations were common knowledge among his friends, even as an adult.
Olruggio’s anger whenever the Brimhats are mentioned would then be caused not just by his own fear of forbidden magic, but by the reminder that Qifrey broke his promise to him, and refused to leave his past behind. Naturally, Olruggio doesn’t know about Qifrey’s change in circumstances: he is no longer looking to retrieve what he lost, but trying to stop an impending threat.
Qifrey’s discoveries in the Tower of Books also seem to have renewed his disgust towards his own scar: he starts wearing glasses shortly afterwards, even though his eyesight hasn’t yet started deteriorating.
14-5 years ago: in that interval, Coco’s father dies of illness. Olruggio becomes more and more famous for his magical items, and is given the title “Shining Torch” / “Master of Lights”. His glowstone paths become widely popular, and are installed around the castle near Coco’s mom. Both Qifrey and Olruggio pass the fourth test and complete their training.
At this stage, I really doubt that Qifrey intended to become a teacher. Whatever information he found at the Tower of Books convinced him he had to stop the Brimhats’ plan. He was probably planning to complete his training and then go straight on to his quest, not really expecting to return alive.
There are also hints that this was a strained period for Qifrey and Olruggio: Olruggio mentions that he would like them to confide in each other “just like old times”, which implies that they grew more distant after the Librarian test. I’m suspecting that Qifrey was trying to slowly remove himself from Olruggio’s life, hoping Olruggio would be so famous and beloved by the time they graduated that he would forget about Qifrey and barely notice his disappearance. Qifrey’s self-esteem isn’t the best y’all.
5 years ago: Coco receives the magic picture book from Iguin at age 7 at the Silver Night Festival. The Brimhats stop showing signs of activity. Qifrey takes on his first apprentice (probably Tetia, age 7). He interrupts his investigation of the Brimhats and creates the atelier. Olruggio becomes his Watchful Eye.
We don’t know exactly how old Coco was when she got her book, but her tiny chubby face makes me think she was 6-7. Alaira also tells us in the first volume that the incident with Coco’s mother is the first sign of Brimhat activity in five years. I am thinking that after Iguin gave away the book, he instructed the other Brimhats to keep a low profile until his scheme could hatch.
I also wonder whether Coco getting her book might coincide with Qifrey becoming a teacher and creating his atelier. Given that Qifrey is probably tied to Iguin’s schemes, how coincidental is it that Qifrey wandered into Coco’s village and set her fate in motion? Perhaps Iguin contrived for them to live in the same area so that they would meet eventually. Either he somehow influenced Qifrey’s choice of location for his atelier, or he selected Coco as his “child of hope” because of her relative proximity as well as her love for magic.
7 years old is when we could expect Tetia to have passed the first test. For now we know little about her backstory, but we can guess a few things: she is enthusiastic and ambitious, but gets easily side-tracked by pet projects and struggles to stick to the curriculum. She craves positive feedback and is worried her spells and interests will be condemned as frivolous. It makes me think that she passed her first test early, but was then mistreated by her first teachers for being too childish.
We’ve seen that Qifrey has a compulsive tendency to adopt children in distress. It would fit his character if he became a teacher on impulse. Maybe he had to pass the fifth test in a rush to be allowed to keep Tetia by his side. This also brought Olruggio back into his life, as he was the only one willing to follow him away from the atelier as Watchful Eye.
The complicity between Tetia and Qifrey, and Tetia taking on the role of a big sister for both Riche and Coco, also make me think she was Qifrey’s first apprentice. Tetia is often shown teasing Qifrey, quoting both Qifrey and Olruggio, and imitating Qifrey’s teaching style: I can totally see them as a little family of three at some point in the past.
4 years ago: Riche starts training under her brother’s master, a creepy asshole, at age 7.
We actually have a clear timestamp for that one in chapter 25, woohoo! Riche’s old teacher can eat a brick.
3-2 years ago: Qifrey and Olruggio learn about Riche’s mistreatment in her old atelier and promptly adopt her. Beldaruit takes on Ririfin as an apprentice. Qifrey’s eyesight starts deteriorating. He adds the light protection glyph to his glasses.
Before that time, Qifrey might have intended to put his quest on hold until after Tetia’s graduation, but now his impending blindness puts him on a time limit. He can’t do a lot about it however, since the Brimhats have been keeping a low profile for years and are not leaving him any clue.
It’s unclear how long Riche stayed at her old atelier, and whether she joined Qifrey before or after Agott. I’m hoping she made it out as soon as possible.
2 years ago: Agott passes the first test at age 10. She gets accused of stealing someone else’s spell, is rejected from her prestigious family’s apprenticeship, and joins Qifrey’s atelier.
Agott has been treated harshly by her family for not being enough of a genius. She mentions passing the first test at 10, the upper end of the normal age range. She was probably given a hard time for starting her apprenticeship so “late”, which explains why she is now adamant about passing the other tests as quickly as possible.
I wonder whether she felt ambivalent about joining Qifrey’s atelier at first. On the one hand, Qifrey was taught by the Sage of Education himself and is clearly very powerful. On the other hand, he has only a couple students and lives in a weird little school in the middle of nowhere, a big fall from grace compared to her prestigious upbringing. I wonder whether Qifrey went to find her after he heard she was the object of nasty rumours (he knows a thing or two about those), and Agott didn’t feel like she had other options.
0 year ago: Coco and Qifrey meet. Iguin goes “F***ing finally, I thought I’d have to watch that humdrum one-eyed twink bake potatoes for another five years. It’s dragon-slaying time now baby!!!”
#witch hat atelier#witch hat meta#qifrey#olruggio#tbna#coco#riche#agott#everyone has a horrible time at the Great Hall: a wha timeline#Olruggio the wonder child arriving at the Great Hall at age 5 wrapped in an anxiety blanket and clinging to a plush toy#protect him#no mention of treefrey this time what are the odds
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And now anti Tony people are blaming him for letting Sam’s family being in financial trouble wtf the man is dead! Let him rest!
Yeah, I saw.
They’re definitely going to keep doing that, gotta say, the MCU never failed with Tony's character, they created circumstances for him exactly just like Stan envisioned. The ‘love-to-hate’ trope is strong when it comes to him, this is what Stan wanted out of Tony Stark's relationship with his fans/audience. Thing is, the reality of the MCU superhero is that they’re all flawed. None of them are exempt from anything. Why Tony gets more hate than the others?
He’s the most popular character. There’s no discussion in this instance. Popular superheroes that first come to people’s minds are always Batman, Iron Man and Spider-Man. Tony Stark/Iron Man is a pop culture legend and the fact that RDJ got to portray him as great as he did, helped a lot. People are always going to circle back to the character who has more hype and audience.
He’s the one with the money. The fact that Tony is swimming in money automatically makes him the target of the ‘eat the rich’ mentality. People fail to remember that other characters such as T’Challa (who has more money than Tony would ever wish to see and lives in the most technologically advanced country in the world), Shuri, Thor (a literal king with a kingdom), The Pym family, Danny Rand (he has a net worth of $5 billion and is one of the richest comic book characters of all time), etc exist. And we still haven’t seen the other Marvel characters (in the MCU) that are richer than Tony like Reed Richards, Professor X, Warren Worthington, Norman Osborn, Namor, Doctor Doom, etc.
Even if some of us see RDJ as attractive and good looking, some people don’t. For them, RDJ is nothing compared to Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Sebastian Stan, etc. It’s easier to hate a character you don’t find attractive. And also the fact that they find those actors relatively younger than RDJ.
It’s the most shippable character. This also means he must be in the way of some other ships. Even if this sounds unbelievable, many people don’t get their irrational hate for a character until it dawns on them that they only hate him because he either treated one half of their ship unfairly or because he’s in the way of that ship. The more reasons they can find to hate him, the more legitimate their senseless hatred seems in their minds.
People don’t call out characters like T’Challa or Shuri because they’re scared of being called ‘racist’. T’Challa is so rich that Howard Stark could only buy (just an assumption, it’s a possibility he stole the vibranium lmao) only a portion of vibranium to build Steve’s shield, and because is the world’s most indestructible material, his worth is approximately $10,000 a gram (Fantastic Four #607) and Wakanda's vaults hold 10,000 tons of the material (Doomwar #1) T’Challa is not a billionaire, he’s a trillionaire lmaoooo everyone else is a joke compared to him.
Even having all of this info, Tony and T’Challa owe nothing to anyone.
T’Challa helped Bucky because of his principles (Tony offered to do this at the beginning as well until of course, he found out he killed his parents) but because of that, that doesn't mean T’Challa owes Steve, Sam, Wanda, and Natasha money or housing assistance. He didn't give it to them at all and he doesn’t have to.
James Rhodes: Well. You guys really look like crap. Must've been a rough couple of years.
Sam Wilson: Yeah, well, the hotels weren't exactly five star.
Wanna know why? Because T’Challa knows they’re adults and they make their own decisions. Sam chose to be on Steve’s side, Wanda did too, Natasha too, etc. Adults make decisions and they should deal with the consequences that come with that. Tony was not going to deal with their financial problems because they made a choice and it’s not his problem to deal with. Tony is not their father. People need to ask themselves why Sam was not in the ‘lift the hammer’ scene after the party, because he wasn’t familiar with them, he wasn’t friends with Tony, only with Steve. Besides that fact, they all fought Tony, hurt his best friend, and left him to deal with the rest in CW. They’re not family.
Sam Wilson: No, I'm not actually sorry. I'm just trying to sound tough. I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy.
Steve Rogers: Be it ever so humble.
Sam Wilson: You find a place in Brooklyn yet?
Steve Rogers: I don't think I can afford a place in Brooklyn.
Sam Wilson: Well, home is home, you know?
There’s absolutely no reason Steve can’t afford a place. He’s an adult, he has a good reputation, he worked for shield (why aren’t yall on Nick Fury’s ass if he had Steve and the others as employees? Fury set an entire place for Clint, why can’t he do it for the rest of them, he is the founder of the Avengers after all), and was pretty much capable of doing stuff for others. Tony provided them with a home while they were working together, he doesn’t need to concern himself with their personal problems because they’re not actual friends. Rhodey is his friend. Happy is his friend. Also consider the fact that maybe Sam didn’t want his help?
And let’s also take into consideration that Tony is not only an Avenger, but Tony is also a businessman, an inventor, an engineer, has a company to keep an eye on, he is the one who finances the Avengers’ messes and other superhero messes too by co-owning the department of damage control, etc. He has other things to do. The rest of the Avengers are adults too, they should seek a job that could give them a future too, not just depend on Tony’s money. Tony had a family and he had to make sure they were covered after his death, this includes, Pepper (his wife, therefore she gets his stuff), Peter (his son, he left him EDITH, he’s basically set for life with that given the A.I. has access to the majority of his things including bank accounts), Morgan (his daughter; his responsibility), Happy and Rhodey (I’m sure we’ll see what he left them in Armor Wars). Why? They’re his actual family.
If some of you know this and you’re still looking for reasons to put the blame on him, you’re failing to recognize you’re obsessed with hating Tony just for the sake of being right. Wouldn’t you like a life where you don’t have to constantly look for reasons to hate on a fictional character, better yet, a character you don’t like at all. Why the effort? You can love Tony and Sam at the same time, I promise you, this is not going to kill you.
So please, instead of whining about Tony Stark all the time, why don’t yall just enjoy the fact that the show is showing you a vital and important event that happens in life while representing a part of Sam’s life to add to his emotional depth and character development? Especially because he’s a superhero and possibly the next Captain America, it’s good to see someone who is supposed to be a figure (superhero) whose actions or achievements are far greater than what people expect deal with normal things. They’re giving you a background; a solid storyline for his character. Let it be. Enjoy the shows yall, you can’t keep coming back to blame Tony for everything that happens after every single movie or Disney+ show, look for another metaphorical punching bag. The man is dead.
#tony stark#sam wilson#captain america#iron man#marvel#mcu#peter parker#irondad#pepper potts#james rhodes#happy hogan#steve rogers#tfatws#spoilers
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Sentinel vs. CatCo
Kara sighs internally as she spots the Superfriends whiteboard.
While it has become a permanent fixture in Andrea’s office, it doesn’t always feature so prominently. The focus of the meetings determines its location. If it’s an internal meeting unrelated to the Superfriends, it can be pushed off to the side: towards the balcony or in front of the cabinets. If the meetings involve board members or anyone Andrea wants to impress, it’s tucked into a corner and discreetly covered.
Today, the Superfriends whiteboard stands right beside Andrea’s desk, which means their meeting is going to entail more requests for Superfriends interviews.
Kara braces herself.
And then Andrea says some of the worst words possible: “I want an interview with Sentinel.”
Kara wills herself not to react. On the other side of William, Nia actually snorts.
Nia has worked her way back into Andrea’s good graces, but Kara very much doubts that openly snorting at their boss’s request will lead to another mental health day. Before Andrea can react, Kara says, “I, uh, I don’t think she likes giving interviews.”
“That’s what Nia said about the Superfriends,” Andrea says, completely undeterred, “and we have since gotten interviews with most of them.”
As much as Kara hates to admit it, Andrea’s right. They never participate in puff pieces about what they do for fun, but when they have a cause to promote, they lend their voices in support.
Through his PI work and with his deep ties to the alien community, J’onn had been encountering many others who were also the last of their kinds. With an interest in preserving these alien cultures, he had dedicated a portion of the Mars space in the planetarium to a rotating exhibit of those cultures. He had also teamed up with Kara to revive her Aliens of National City series for a special feature.
Brainy had volunteered for a live public service announcement when a toxic chemical spill had breached the boundaries of an industrial complex and threatened nearby neighborhoods. He had been a little too thorough with the technical details though, and Dreamer had had to intervene to make it more vernacular friendly. His PSA had been big with the scientific community, where some of his equations had been beyond current understanding and sparked contentious debates.
Nia had done a fantastic interview of the new Guardian about marginalized human communities. To quell any curiosity, Guardian briefly mentioned that she wasn’t ready to reveal her identity, but she did reveal that she had the previous Guardian’s blessing to pick up the mantle. Annoyingly, most media outlets chose to focus on that rather than the deep dive into intersectionality.
Alex hadn’t done any interviews. None of the Superfriends had thought twice about it.
Until now.
Knowing how private Alex is, Kara can already picture her reaction to this request.
“If it’s about the ratings, I could get another exclusive from Supergirl,” Kara volunteers. “You said she’s the ideal Superfriend for interviews.”
“Mmm, but we’ve had Supergirl,” Andrea says. “We’ve had all the other Superfriends. We don’t know enough about this Sentinel.” She taps the board under Alex’s picture where it says “HUMAN?”. “Is she fully human? What is her motivation? If she is human, how did she come to join the Superfriends? I want to know.”
“And if Kara’s right?” William asks. “We seem to get interviews with the Superfriends on their timeline, not ours.”
“Then get yourselves on their timeline,” Andrea says. “But I’ll be generous and give you a week instead of 24 hours. If you still fail, well, you’ve heard me say your alternatives enough by now.”
On their way out of Andrea’s office, Nia passes by Kara and mutters, “I’m not touching this one.”
Kara cannot disagree with that life choice.
“What did Nia say?” William asks.
“Nothing.”
...
Alex looks up from her console as Kara enters the Tower. “Hey, what did you want to talk about?”
Knowing how little Alex will appreciate the conversation, Kara says, “You love me beyond measure, and that will never change, right?”
Alex turns around completely, resting her back against the console. She crosses her arms. She knows the difference between Kara approaching her abandonment issues and something Alex will find unpleasant. “Yes? Am I going to change my mind?”
Kara grimaces. “Andrea wants an interview with Sentinel.”
The look of horror on Alex’s face would be hilarious in any other circumstance. “Why?”
“Because you’re the last Superfriend not to give an interview. Andrea thinks that makes you mysterious and intriguing.”
“Not happening.”
“I figured as much. I tried offering up a Supergirl exclusive instead.”
“I love you.”
“Well, she didn’t bite.”
At that, Alex’s head drops back, and she stares at the ceiling.
“I'll write something up anyway,” Kara continues. “Hopefully it will keep Andrea happy in the meantime.”
“Thanks.” Alex gestures for Kara to come in for a hug. “I know you don’t like puff pieces either.”
“It’s okay,” Kara says into Alex’s shoulder. “I’ll find something meaningful to write about.”
...
Alex glances around the downtown street. Luckily she, Brainy, and J’onn had arrived in time to stop an Infernian from destroying a private lab. The police had also shown up and set up a perimeter, which was helpful as a crowd had developed to the south.
“Sentinel!”
Alex spots William Dey at the front of the crowd. "Oh, hell no.”
She normally likes William well enough, but given what Kara told her about Andrea’s request, he’s now on her list of the last five people she’d want to see at any given moment.
“I gotta get out of here,” Alex tells J’onn. “You and Brainy got this covered, right?”
They look over to where Brainy is explaining his containment technology to the police officers taking custody of the Infernian.
William says her name again.
J’onn glances at William then back at Alex with amusement. “Go. We’ll be fine.”
...
“Sentinel!”
Alex looks across the chaos of overturned cubicles and office supplies to see William Dey approaching.
Alex frowns. How did he get here so quickly?
Luckily they are on the fifth floor of the building, which means Alex has an exit strategy William doesn’t. “Supergirl, meet me outside.”
“Copy that.”
A few of the windows were broken in the fight. Dreamer already has the offending meta-human contained, so Alex doesn’t feel bad leaving William behind.
Alex picks the window with the cleanest break and jumps through.
...
Andrea drops something on Kara’s desk. “What is this?”
“An interview with Supergirl,” Kara responds after a quick look.
Andrea sighs. “Kara, I know you heard me when I said I wanted an interview with Sentinel, not any Superfriend.”
Kara shrugs. “I couldn’t get ahold of Sentinel, neither could William, and Supergirl had something she wanted to say.”
“Did you ask Supergirl about talking to Sentinel?” Andrea asks expectantly.
Kara blinks. “I think they have more important things to do than to act as messaging services to one another.”
“It’s not your job to think about their priorities. It’s your job to think about CatCo’s priorities,” Andrea says. “Get me an interview with Sentinel. You, specifically. And again, I don’t think I need to give you the consequences spiel. You have 24 hours.”
Kara reaches out to clear the Supergirl interview from her desk, but Andrea snatches it back up.
“I’m still publishing this.”
...
Kara looks apologetically across the couch.
Just as Kara had tried to give a Supergirl exclusive to spare Sentinel an interview, Alex is now giving an interview to spare Kara’s job.
“Okay, I have to make this on the record, so let’s maybe do a rehearsal.”
Alex sighs but shrugs her agreement anyway. “Yeah, okay.”
Kara hands over her notepad where the questions are written out. “These are the questions I’m going to ask you.”
“You already know the answer to most of these,” Alex says as her eyes glide down the page. “And there’s no way we can publish them.”
“I know. That’s why we’re rehearsing. We’ll have to come up with something that’s real but not revealing.”
Alex balks. Kara doesn’t have to wonder which question its at because Alex reads it out loud. “‘You’ve been a super hero for a while now, but this is your first interview. Why now?’ Seriously?”
Kara grimaces. “Yeah.”
“Because my little sister’s boss is a pain in the ass.”
“Alex.”
“Right, come up with a fake but real answer.”
But their quest for acceptable answers is a tedious process that comes up short.
“I can’t do this,” Alex groans and flops back into the couch cushions. “How about I promise that when I have something to say, I’ll say it to you? You can have that promise on the record.”
“I’ll try,” Kara says. She’s also tired, and she hates forcing this on Alex.
Andrea won’t be thrilled with it, but Kara will make it work.
...
The next day Alex sighs in relief at Kara’s single emoji text.
A thumbs up.
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"You gotta move on."
Why Steve's choice in "Endgame" makes narrative sense
Disclaimer: I don't expect this post to change anyone's mind about anything. Just sharing my perspective on the movie and the overall character arcs.
I think the first present-day scene in "Endgame" doesn't get enough attention when people talk about Steve's decision at the end of the movie. He's the first Avenger we see after the "5 years later" transition, and everything about this scene is purposeful, to show us how Steve is doing. The answer is: not great, Bob.
There's an obvious parallel here with Sam. The first time Steve goes to see Sam after their literal "run in" in Cap 2 is to go to the VA where he sees Sam leading the support group. Steve's wrestling with his sense of purpose at that point, which is post the first Avengers movie but before Ultron and what comes after. We see Steve talk to 2 people about that – Sam, and Peggy, who offers him advice but is suffering from memory loss and isn't really able to help him, though she does tell him her one regret in life is that Steve didn't get to live his life (with her is implied IMO). Sam is more empathetic and able to understand, as we see from their first conversation (about the mattress) which is why Steve seeks him out again.
So the scene in "Endgame" - "What do we do now that they're gone?" as the poster asks – Steve has stepped into Sam's shoes. Remember Ultron's jab at Steve? "God's righteous man. Pretending you can exist without a war to fight." There are no more wars, no more real enemies. Steve's existence lacks a purpose at this point in a far worse way than in Cap 2. His skill set isn't of use, so he's tried to find some way to be of use, because that's what Steve does, he serves others, by doing something he thinks Sam would have done in these circumstances.
And he's terrible at it.
Think about that scene. Every word Steve gets out takes an effort. When he tries to sound inspiring, he can barely do it. He's Captain America! Inspiring speeches are so innate to him it's a running joke! And he can't talk now. "You gotta move on… you gotta move on," he's repeating himself because he has no idea what to really say. "The future… is in our hands" – he chokes those words out. It pisses me off when people dismiss Chris Evans as a pretty face and a hot body. All of the emotion of that scene is conveyed by his voice and his body language and it's so well acted it's excruciating to watch.
Then we & Steve go to Natasha and see she's doing even worse. When Steve comes in he finds her crying. Natasha. Black Widow. Crying. It's been 5 years since the Blip. Steve has at least moved out of the compound and occasionally speaks to other people. From the sad peanut-butter-and-no-jelly white bread sandwich to Nat's appearance to her constantly monitoring communications even though nothing is happening, we get the sense she barely goes outside even now.
Steve talks about the support group and says "I tell these guys to move on. Some do. But not us." It's very clear to the audience this is true just from the previous couple of minutes. Steve and Nat are both stuck and Steve knows it. But he also knows Nat so even after she talks about things he knows a genuine offer of sympathy or comfort isn't going to go over well, so he makes the joke she would make. "I think we both need to get a life." It's not a joke, of course, it's actually true, but it lets the tension dissipate a bit. And of course, she says "You first."
By the end of the film, Nat's gone and her chances to move on and have a life are gone. Tony's gone too. And Steve has to make a choice.
He could do what he's always done, which is set aside his personal wants to prioritize someone else. Bucky and Sam and the others still need him as a friend. But I think Steve may have looked around and realized that he might not have been able to help Bucky much. Risk his life for the guy, sure. Help him acclimate and deal with all the trauma he's carrying? Not so much. Bucky needs someone with empathy, training, and first-hand experience with traumatized people. Bucky needs Sam, and Steve has learned he cannot step into Sam's shoes. He does not have the skill set.
Moreover, if Steve remains, he's a constant reminder to Bucky of the past. Bucky doesn't know the man he is now, Steve doesn't really know this Bucky, and if they're around each other, both of them are going to continue to look for the guy from 1945 and be disappointed. (Now, if Evans' contract hadn't been up, I'm sure Marvel could've mined some good potential stories out of that, as well as Steve taking charge of the new generation of Avengers, but Evans wanted out so that wasn't an option.) Sam only knows the grumpy racoon version of Bucky, so he has no pre-conceived notions to get in the way.
Now, I am not claiming Steve doesn't make a self-centered choice here. I don't think Steve chose to go back to the past out of some self-sacrifice to help Bucky at all. Steve did what he wanted to do. In fact, I think that's an important point. If Steve had stayed, he would be choosing sacrifice again. He would be doing the same thing he's done before, abandoning his own wants for the sake of a doing what he thinks is right regardless of the personal cost. He would not be moving on.
Bearing in mind that the option to go back to Peggy has never existed until the time heist puts him in the past looking at her and shows him it can happen, Steve has never made this choice before. All of his decisions since coming out of the ice were in a world where that wasn't even theoretically possible so it never factored in to his decision making. We can't really use most of his decisions to compare to this one, with one exception.
Steve's loyalty to Peggy is at least as strong as his loyalty to Bucky, at the minimum. Steve risked his life without hesitation to protect Bucky in "Civil War." There's no reason to believe given his feelings that he wouldn't want desperately to go back to her if he could. Given the risks he took for Bucky, the damage he was willing to accept to protect him, that Steve would accept the same level of consequences for Peggy makes sense.
And yes, I know, "Age of Ultron" seems to indicate Steve has moved on. Even though his deepest thoughts Wanda shows him are of being with Peggy and having a home to go to, it was impossible at the time for it to happen. So Steve says "I'm home" talking about the compound and leading the Avengers, which he gets to hang on to for like one more movie until "Civil War" happens and he loses that too. Steve has been through a LOT of suffering and loss in the years since that point. Endgame!Steve isn't the same guy, he's allowed to change his mind. Just like Tony retiring from being Iron Man like seven times and then always coming back. (In truth we all know this is Marvel screwing the continuity again.)
Steve chooses, for the first time, to do the selfish thing. Because Nat told him to get a life, and now she's gone. Because Tony got his second chance and Steve never got his. Because there's a way now that didn't exist before. Bucky's got other people around him, he'll be okay even if Steve isn't there. They show that Steve is already thinking of this with the grouping during the funeral scene. Steve isn't with Sam and Bucky, he's alone. He's not even next to Bruce or Thor (both of whom no longer really need him by the end of the movie. Thor is leaving Earth and Bruce/Hulk is the only one who was okay post-Blip).
Now this is just my personal headcanon, but I like to imagine that during their conversation about the plan, Steve looks at Bucky and asks him for a favor. And when Bucky agrees, Steve says, "Keep an eye on Sam for me?"
Bucky would take this at face value, because Steve is still the skinny guy from Brooklyn with superpowers to Bucky. The guy who's not great at lying about anything.
But Steve has spent years around Natasha, Tony, Fury, and a bunch of other spies. He's learned a few things about people even if he's not on Sam's level. Just like he knew Nat wouldn't welcome a sincere expression of sympathy, he knows if he tells Bucky he should talk to Sam about all his baggage, that won't go over well.
So he tells Bucky to keep an eye on Sam, because it'll force Bucky into Sam's orbit. It makes sense, if Sam's going to become the new Captain America, he'll need help. It won't occur to Bucky that Sam can help him.
Which is exactly what happens in "Falcon and the Winter Soldier." Bucky's regular therapist isn't able to do much for him. Bucky gets more out of those conversations with Sam training in the yard and on the boat than he did from formal therapy. And he is able to help Sam too.
Sam also couldn't have fully stepped into Steve's shoes if he had stayed in the present and just retired. Steve's shadow is already incredibly long as it is during the series and Sam struggles with it a lot. If Steve hadn't gone off and lived his life and grown too old to carry the shield any longer, Sam wouldn't have been able to take that leap at all, I don't think.
In the end, I think Steve’s choice is foreshadowed much more thoroughly than people may realize, and it fits within the narrative of the film.
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Let me
Another part to what I’m calling my comfort song series. The song I was listening to while writing this is called Anchor by Novo Amor
"Wow. Under different circumstances, this would be totally awesome" Clint says as we look out of the window of the ship when we get to 2014 and I look around as he lands.
I follow them as we start the walk towards the mountains and I take in the scenery "you know it's kind of weird" I say.
"What's weird?" Clint asks.
"This is the year that I found out I had powers. So twelve year old me is currently somewhere blowing up a section of the public library" I say a smile on my face and they laugh.
"And we are on our way to find a twelve year old who blew up a section of the library without weapons" Nat says.
"I was so scared. I thought I was going to prison" I say.
"And look how much you've grown since then" Clint says.
"I know. It's crazy. But I have you two and Laura to thank for taking me in and showing me that I have nothing to be afraid of, that I should embrace who I am. I almost felt like I met Charles Xavier" I say and he smiles at me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close and I wrap my arm around his waist as we walk towards the mountains.
We start to climb the mountain and Natasha let’s put a huff "I bet the raccoon didn't have to climb a mountain" she says.
"Technically, he's not a raccoon, you know" Clint says.
"Technically he is" I say.
"Whatever. He eats garbage" she says and I laugh.
"Welcome" a voice says when we reach the top and Clint and Natasha pull their weapons out and my hands start to glow as we turn around and there's a floating man.
"Natasha, daughter of Ivan, Clint, son of Edith and Yn, daughter of Dn" he says.
"Who are you?" I ask.
"Consider me a guide. To you, and to all who seek the Soul Stone" he says.
"Oh, good. You tell us where it is. Then we'll be on our way" Natasha says.
"Ah, liebchen. If only it were that easy" he says leading us to a cliff and I look over getting an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"What you seek lies in front of you as does what you fear" he says.
"The stone is down there" Natasha say also looking over.
"For one of you. For the other two in order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul for a soul" he says.
"What?" I ask, my power going out as I mentally repeat what he just said and Nat leads me to a log and she sits me down and I look at them.
"A soul for a soul? He wants one of us to die?" I ask and she nods.
"Yeah I think he does" she says and I shake my head.
"No" I say.
"That can't be right. Why? What? Who thinks of this stuff?" I ask and she rubs my back as we sit in silence.
"How's it going?" Clint asks the guy chucking as he walks over to us.
"Jesus. Maybe he's making this shit up" he says.
"No. I don't think so" Nat says.
"Why because he knows your Daddy's name?" He asks.
"I didn't even know my dads name" I whisper.
"Thanos left here with the stone, without his daughter. It's not a coincidence" Nat says.
"Yeah" he says.
"Whatever it takes" Nat says.
"Whatever it takes" he says and Nat stands up.
"Tasha what are you doing?" I ask.
"If we don't get that stone, billions of people stay dead" she says rubbing my cheek and she smiles at me and I stand up as she turns to Clint.
"Then I guess we both know who it's gotta be" he says.
"I guess we do" Natasha says.
"What? No. What are you guys talking about?" I ask my voice cracking.
"Yn this doesn't concern you" Nat says.
"Yes it does, you're obviously trying to sacrifice yourselves and expect me to just sit here quietly" I say.
"Because you aren't going to do anything so go sit on the log while we work this out" he says and he grabs Natasha's hand and she squeezes it.
"I'm starting to think we mean different people here, Natasha" he says.
"Duh" I say and they both look at me.
"Stop, please just stop. Can we think about this for a second?" I cry.
"For the last five years I've been trying to do one thing. Get to right here, that's all it's been about bringing everybody back. You guys I have to do this" she says holding her hand out to me and I stare at it.
"Oh, don't you get all decent on me now" he says and she grabs my hand.
"What, you think I wanna do it? I'm trying to save your both of your lives, you idiot" she says looking at him.
"Yeah, well, I don't want you to, because I-Natasha, you know what I've done. You know what I've become" Clint says.
"I don't judge people on their worst mistakes" she says.
"Maybe you should" he says.
"You didn't" she says.
"Just because of your past choices doesn't mean you guys have to die to make up for it" I sob and they look at me.
"Yn please just let me do this" Clint says and I shake my head pulling my hand away from Natasha.
"I'm not about to stand here and listen to you guys go back and forth over which one of you is going to die" I say.
"I agree with Yn" Natasha says and he sighs.
"You're a pain in my ass, you know that?" He asks and she smiles.
"Okay. You win" he says smiling and knocks Natasha to the ground and I jump from the sudden attack.
"Tell my family I love them" he says holding her down and she flips them over so he's on his back and she's standing up.
"You tell them yourself" she says electrocuting him and she runs towards the cliff and he gets up and shoots an explosive arrow knocking her down and I glare at them and they both freeze in place.
"What the hell is wrong with you two?" I ask and I walk in front of them.
"I'm not about to let you do this. Clint you have a family who loves you and Natasha you deserve to live, you deserve to be happy. Who cares if you made mistakes you are the only person who I know who is truly worth a redemption. Neither of you have to make up for your crimes because you've done it ten fold already, you are the most amazing people I know and I know a lot of people" I say backing towards the cliff.
"Yn stop" Clint says trying to grab me but he can't and I shake my head and I close my eyes and when I open them they are white.
"Yn" Natasha says.
"No" I say sending them flying back and the vines from the cracks wrap around them.
"I'm not letting either of you die when you deserve so much" I say.
"Yn calm down and think this through. You haven't even lived your life. You're only twenty one years old" Clint says and I nod.
"Which is perfect because I don't have roots, I don't have lifelong friendships, a family. I'm on my own and always have been. I'm not letting you guys kill yourself and not even consider me an option, I'm an adult. I'm going to do it, I’m going to do it for you and the billions of people that didn’t get the choice that I have" I say closing my eyes again and I picture all of the avengers and I send a messages to them.
"You guys have been my family since the first time I met you. I was only twelve and struggling with my powers but you guys took me in and you helped me and I couldn't have asked for a better family but none of you deserve to die. You guys are the avengers. Thank you for everything ever single one of you have done for me, for a girl who was given up and forgetting about none of you will ever really know how much that meant to me. I love you all so much"
"Yn get out of our head and knock it off. You aren't about to kill yourself" Natasha says.
"Yes I am" I say.
"I love you guys" I say and I take a step back and I hear Natasha scream for me as I fall.
"Where's Yn. We got her message?" Steve asks as soon as they all meet back up.
"She used her powers against us. One of us we're supposed to die to get the stone and Clint and I were going back and forth and we got close and she froze us in place and we couldn't do anything but watch. She was only a kid" she cries and Clint pulls her into his arms as the rest of them look on in sorrow.
“Did everyone get their stone?" she asks looking up, a new fire in her eye.
"Yes" Tony says, a silence falling over the group as they realize they have lost the girl that was like a daughter to them.
"Then let's do this" she says walking off.
#avengers x you#avengers x reader#avengers reader insert#avengers imagine#avengers imagines#avengers endgame#avengers x y/n#avengers x fem!reader#avengers x platonic reader#marvel x you#marvel x reader#marvel imagine#marvel reader insert#marvel#marvel x fem!reader#marvel x y/n#marvel x platonic reader#clint barton x reader#clint barton x platonic reader#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff x platonic reader#avengers endgame imagines
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You Gave Her Your Sweater
Heather Series Part 11
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10
Bonus!:Readers Card Confession
Bonus!:To Hold On, To Let Go, Spencers take
Bonus!:Series Playlist
Summery: Reader runs into Heather while wearing Spencer’s sweater, solidifying the difference in their relationships.
Words: 1.5k
Warnings: Swearing, pregnancy, mentions of cheating
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader
A/N: Okay guys, the next chapter is the last one! And I promise its gonna be so fucking long, and so fucking cute it’ll give you cavities. I’m gonna give you the good shit. The next couple weeks I might be a little slower at posting because I submitted an application for an apartment me and my sister want, and I’m fairly certain were gonna get it, so I’ll be busy packing and stuff. Thank you for your continued support!
~~~~~
I never liked grocery shopping.
I know it’s essential, but the task itself is so draining, so boring.
Even still, I can’t help but wander around, buying shit that looks good that I absolutely do not need.
I know you’re not supposed to go when you’re hungry, but I can’t help it.
I guess that’s an upside of being married to the man I am.
While one of his hands is situated in the back pocket of my jeans, the other holds a piece of paper that holds our grocery list, and he is a stickler for keeping to it.
He’s subtly leading me down the aisles as I push the cart, which is already half full of what we need.
Grocery shopping with Spencer is different.
It doesn’t feel like a chore when he’s with me.
It also cuts the time by at least half, because he doesn’t let me stray from the list.
But I’ve had a special circumstance these past few months.
“You know what sounds so good right now?” I ask him, as he begins to lead me down the cereal aisle.
“What’s that baby?”
He removes his hand from my pocket, reaching up to grab a box off the top shelf.
“Shrimp. With cocktail sauce.”
My mouth starts to water just thinking about it.
He laughs, walking back to me, placing it in our cart.
“You hate shrimp.”
I roll my eyes. “I also hate pickles, but last week I couldn’t stop eating them. And besides,” I run my hands over my growing belly. “It’s not my fault.”
He smiles, shaking his head, coming forward to rest his hands on top of mine, leaning down and kissing the tip of my nose.
“I’ll go get you some. While you,” he slips the list into the front pocket of the sweatshirt I’m wearing. “Continue shopping.”
“Thank you, Spence.”
“Anything for my girls.”
His hands come to lift the hood over my head, pulling the string, shrinking it around my face.
“I’m never gonna get my sweatshirt back am I?”
I shake my head. “I’m gonna be buried in this thing.”
He rolls his eyes before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on my lips.
“It looks better on you anyways. I’ll be right back.”
He turns and walks back down the aisle, only to turn back and say “Don’t stray from the list!”
I raise my hands defensively. “I won’t!”
I watch as he disappears around the corner before reaching into the cart and pulling out the box of cheerios, doing my best to place it back on the shelf.
“How can he like cheerios? Fuckin’ weirdo, Reese's Puffs are where it’s at.”
I grab the orange box, only pausing when I feel a kick against my side.
“I’m gonna assume you agree with me. Cheerios are nasty. Don’t worry, we’ll make daddy see.”
Another movement, and my hand finds the place against my side, pressing lightly. “Okay, baby girl, mama still has to shop.”
“You’re wearing his sweater.”
I pause my movements, my hand still resting on my stomach.
It can’t be.
I mean it can, you do live in the same area that she does.
I turn, to see Heather standing in the middle of the aisle, her gaze falling down to my stomach, and then back up to the lettering across my chest that says ‘CalTech’.
I shove my hands into the front pocket, not really sure what to say.
“I was cold, and I forgot mine at my place when he gave it to me.” I take my left hand out to brush some hair out of my face, letting her see the diamond ring that rests on my finger.
“He never offered one to me. Even when I forgot mine.” Her hands are in her front pockets of her jeans, and she doesn’t meet my eye.
I shrug.
Is that supposed to make me feel bad for you?
“I don’t know what you want me to say to that, Heather.”
It’s quiet for a moment, as much as it can be in the middle of a grocery store.
She’s the one to break the silence. “How far along are you?”
None of your fucking business bitch.
“6 months.” I cradle my stomach with my hands, smiling down at it. “We’re having a girl.”
She shuffles from side to side, running her hands over her jeans, her arms, through her hair.
I can’t help being proud of the fact that even six months pregnant, I still make her nervous.
“You know, we talked about having kids. Or well, I talked.” It’s then that she finally meets my eye. “He told me he didn’t want any.”
I let a smirk slide over my face. “Spencer loves kids. Even before we got together he always said he wanted kids.” I look her up and down. “Guess he just didn’t want any with you.”
It’s been three years. It’s been a long time, and I know Spencer’s over her. I know I should throw her a bone, ease up on the sarcasm and poison laced words.
But she hurt him. She broke him. It took months for him to fully admit that he did love her in some way, shape or form, and that the betrayal of that love hurt.
I would never forgive her for that, no matter what she did. No matter if he does.
The look of hurt passes over her face, but then a crying child is heard behind her and she turns.
I look over her shoulder, and the man I saw that night at the bar is walking towards her with a spitting image of her in the seat.
The child is crying over something I couldn’t really decipher, and I see her shoulders tense as his eyes meet mine.
I take in the ring on his finger, the one on hers, and finally look at how old her daughter is.
She knows, and turns back to me, panic slapped across her face.
“How old is she?”
She swallows, and her husband is trying to get her to stop crying. “She’s two and half.”
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that implies.
It’s just one thing after another, isn’t it?
“You gotta be kidding me. Are you fucking serious right now?” I cross my arms over my chest, cocking an eyebrow.
She starts to pick at her cuticles. “I didn’t find out until after the divorce was finalized. My doctor said I got pregnant at the end of April.”
She was pregnant with another man's baby for almost 2 and half months, while being married to him.
Buckle up baby, I’m about to rock this bitches shit for a second time.
“You were going to pass it off as his, weren’t you? You were going to fuck him, and than two weeks later tell him that you were pregnant.”
I take a step forward, anger boiling in my chest. “You know he’s a fucking genius right? He’d do the math in .2 seconds and figure it out? What is with you and thinking you can get away with this shit?”
He must have sensed a disturbance in the force, because not two seconds later he comes around the corner, holding my snack in his hands, only to pause when he takes in the scene.
His eyes flicker to me, then to Heather, the baby, and finally the man, who is puffing his chest to try and appear like the alpha male he thinks he is.
His hands tighten around the container of shrimp, before walking past all three of them, coming to stand behind me, tossing the container into the cart, one hand back in my back pocket, the other in his front.
He stares down Heather, his eyes going back to the child every couple of seconds.
I know he’s doing the math in his head, and he figured it out probably faster than I did.
“Unbelievable.”
She pinches the bridge of her crooked nose, looking up to say something but I cut her off.
“Don’t. You have nothing to prove to us. You made your choice, now you have to live with it.” I look at the man behind her.
“Not even half the man.”
Spencer turns towards me, his chest moving to contain laughter at the look on her face.
Not giving her a chance to get the last word, I turn, and push the cart down the rest of the aisle, turning it as I hear her start to yell at him and her daughter.
He pulls me into an empty one a few rows down, turning me to face him as he leans down and kisses me.
I wish I could kiss him forever.
“I love you so much, you don’t even know.”
I grab his hands and place them on my stomach, where our daughter was making herself comfortable. “I think I have an idea.”
He laughs, his eyes not leaving my stomach as he feels her movements.
After a few moments, he removes his hands, grabbing one of my own as he turns me back around to keep shopping.
“Really?” He points to the box of Reese's Puffs.
“What? The list said cereal, Reese's puffs are cereal!”
He shakes his head, kissing the top of my head.
“Whatever you say, dear.”
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#spencer reid#spencer reid series#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x Female!Reader#criminal minds series#criminal minds#cm#mathew gray gubler#song fic#heather#conan gray
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Of Starlight
A/N: Enjoy ❤️
Warnings: mentions of blood
Word Count: 2541
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Chapter 13: The Day That Was
Allison placed a hand on her sister’s shoulder as she stared down at the paper. “Harold Jenkins?”
“Who the hell is Harold Jenkins?” Diego asked as Five took one last gulp of the coffee, throwing the cup to the side afterwards.
“I don’t know… yet. But I do know that he’s responsible for the apocalypse. So we have to find him. And we have to do it now.”
“But how is he connected to what’s gonna happen?” Luther asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Wait, so you just know his name? That’s it?” Diego walked past his siblings to get closer to Five.
“That’s enough.”
“There’s probably dozens of Harold Jenkinses in the city.”
“We have no other choice than to start looking, then.” (Y/N) sighed. Both Diego and Five turned to her, the former annoyed and the latter grateful. Allison sighed.
“I’m sorry, am I the only one that’s… skeptical here?” As she spoke, (Y/N) heard Five grunt. Bringing her attention back to him, she saw him checking his right side. “I mean, how exactly do you know all of this about what’s-his-name?”
Five looked up at her, ticked that she’d already forgotten the name. “Harold Jenkins. You know those lunatics in the masks who attacked the house?”
“Oh, yeah, I think I remember those guys.” Klaus’s sarcastic remark made (Y/N) mentally wince. Diego turned to him, also sarcastic.
“Yeah, the ones that attacked us,” He turned back to Five. “While you were getting drunk.”
“Well, he actually got drunk after-”
“(Y/N).”
“Right. Sorry…” She looked down as Five rolled his eyes at his brothers.
“Yeah. Them. They were sent by the Temps Commission to stop me from coming back and preventing the end of all life on earth.”
“The Temps what?” Allison crossed her arms.
“My former employer. They monitor all of time and space to make sure that whatever is supposed to happen… happens. They believe the apocalypse is coming in three days. So I went to Commission headquarters and intercepted a message that was meant for said lunatics. “Protect Harold Jenkins”. So he must be responsible for the apocalypse…”
Five let the information sink in for his siblings, which lasted for a few seconds, before they all erupted into overlapping exclamations, voicing their confusion and such. (Y/N) really couldn’t be bothered to listen to them as she focused on Five, the boy checking his side yet again. She slowly approached him as Allison spoke, “And do you have any idea how insane this sounds?”
“You know what else is insane?!” His head shot up to her, the corner of his lip twitching. (Y/N) halted her tracks beside him. “I look like a thirteen-year-old boy! Klaus talks to the dead, (Y/N) also looks like a kid with several versions of herself walking around, and Luther thinks he’s fooling everybody with that overcoat! Everything about us is insane. It always has been.”
“He’s got a point.” Klaus spoke up.
“We didn’t choose this life, we’re just living it. For the next three days, anyway.”
“But the last time we tried to stop it, we all died,” Allison raised her brows. “Why is this time any different? Why shouldn’t (Y/N) and I go home to our kids?” Her last question made the girl flinch. Five’s eyes were set on the two mothers.
“Because this time, I’m here. We have the name of the man responsible. Guys, we actually have the chance of saving the lives of billions of people,” His gaze and voice softened. “Including Claire.”
Allison hesitated. “You know her name?”
“I do. And I’d like to live long enough to meet her. Michael and Jada, too.” At this, (Y/N)’s heart bursted and she was sure she would’ve cried right then, had they been in different circumstances. Allison nodded and moved forward.
“Alright. Let’s get this bastard.”
“You had me at Gerald Jenkins.” Diego spoke.
“Harold Jenkins.” Five narrowed his eyes.
“Whatever. I’ve already lost two people this week, I’m not losing anyone else.” His words made (Y/N) smile, proud of her siblings for actually committing to this. She followed her brother as he began out of the room.
“And Luther?”
“Yeah, you guys go,” Luther’s words made everyone stop and stare at him. “I’m gonna stay and go through Dad’s files. I still think this has something to do with why he sent me to the moon.”
“Seriously?” Diego deadpanned. “Now you wanna make the end of the world about you and Dad?”
“No. ‘Watch for threats’. That’s what he told me. You think that’s a coincidence? This all has to be connected somehow.”
“Luther, we can’t really do this if we don’t have everyone. And we don’t really have the time to talk about it, either. We need to go now.” (Y/N) sighed.
“Exactly, let’s roll,” Diego nodded. “I know where we can find this asshole. Klaus, you’re with me.”
Klaus raised his head from where he was laying down. “Yeah. I-I’m good. I think I’ll, uh,” He stood up and began to leave. “I think I’ll pass, I’m… feeling a little under the weather, so, uh…” He was stopped momentarily when (Y/N) gently grabbed his arm, her eyes asking him what was wrong. He used his other arm to pat her head as he freed himself from her grasp, continuing out. She sighed in defeat as she followed Diego and Five out of the parlor. At the entrance, she stopped and turned to her sister.
“Ally, you coming?”
“Yeah… Yeah, I’m coming.” Her eyes slowly left Luther before she walked beside (Y/N) out of the house. After climbing into the backseats of the car, the two got comfortable right beside each other. As Diego drove off, the sisters leaned against each other’s bodies. (Y/N)’s head was tucked between Allison’s shoulder and neck, the woman’s head resting atop her sisters. It had been such a long time in which they comforted each other for something that didn’t involve losing someone they loved, one way or another. (Y/N) felt a sense of normalcy for simply cuddling with her sister in peace. Well, as much peace as they’ll get for a while.
The two removed themselves from each other once Diego pulled up to the police department and turned off the car. “I know this Jenkins dude has to have a record. We just gotta get our hands on the file.”
“So, what’s the plan? Bat your eyelashes and say please?” (Y/N) raised a brow, leaning forward. Diego looked at her through the rearview mirror with a sarcastic smile.
“You know you get funnier everyday? No, I know the station like the back of my hand, little sis,” His snarky comment earned him a light slap to the arm. “I’ve spent a lot of time inside.”
“Arrested…”
“Whatever. Here’s the plan.”
“Plan?” Five furrowed his brows at his brother. “I’m just gonna blink in and get the file.”
“No, that’s not… You don’t know the ins and outs of this place, okay-”
“I literally just did this yesterday.”
“What?”
“Well… My yesterday, not your yesterday… It’ll take me two seconds. Why don’t I just go?”
As the boys continued to decide who did what, (Y/N) leaned back and let Allison wrap an arm around her. “Boys…” They both shook their heads, slightly smiling at each other. After the decision was made to let Diego be a hero or leader or whatever he was this time, the four got out of the car. Allison had mentioned that she needed to make a call, so she, Five and (Y/N) headed to the nearest payphone. As she spoke on the phone, Five leaned with his back against the building behind them. (Y/N) was attached to his side, her arms looped with one of his and resting her head on his shoulder. He hadn’t minded the contact, but he did notice how clingy she had gotten since he returned. She constantly watched him with careful eyes, asked him multiple times if he was okay, and always wanted to assist him.
His head turned to her before he whispered close to her ear. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, you just… you seem different.”
“How?” She looked up with her brows knit together. Five wiggled the arm a bit that she held onto. “Oh… Yeah. I just missed you.”
He tilted his head at her. “I missed you, too…” And he meant it. These past couple of days have been filled with thoughts of (Y/N) for the boy. In the middle of dodging bullets shot by The Handler, going through multiple plans during his very small stay at the Commission, and playing the part of the obedient worker, his mind raced with thoughts of her. He never stopped wondering how she was doing, what she was doing, if she was thinking of him as well. It often distracted him and he’d get frustrated at himself. He’s already come to terms with the fact that he’s in love with her years ago. Why is this time any different? Maybe it was the way her thumbs gently rubbed the bicep of his sleeve or the way everything she did was so much more gentle. He wanted to think it was simply because she really did miss him, but he knew there was something more going on in that pretty head of hers.
As Allison hung up the phone, Diego rounded the corner to them. The teens lifted their heads and straightened their posture. “So?” Five watched as Diego raised a file in the air.
“You’re welcome.” He smugly smiled at (Y/N), who flipped him off as Allison snatched the file from him. They watched as she opened it and scanned the information inside, her eyes widening.
“Holy shit!”
“What?” Diego frowned. Allison held the information to them, a mugshot of the brunet Vanya had shown up with paperclipped to the file.
“Harold Jenkins is Leonard Peabody.” And with that revelation, only one thought crossed (Y/N)’s mind.
Ew.
-------------------------------------------------
Pulling up to Leonard Peabody’s house, the four got out of the car, walking through his lawn to get to the front door. Allison used her hand to block the sun from her eyes. “Be careful, okay? We don’t know what Peabody’s capable of.”
“Yeah, he didn’t seem dangerous when I first met him,” Diego replied. “Looked kinda scrawny.”
“Yeah, well, so are most serial killers and mass murderers. I mean, look at him.” She gestured to Five, who simply gave her a ‘thanks’.
“Good point. So what’s this guy want with Vanya?” He asked.
“I don’t know, why don’t we ask him after we kill him?” Five answered as (Y/N)’s eyes followed Allison, who ran to the back of the house. She looked between the boys and the direction her sister went before following the latter. Seeing her getting in through the backdoor, she smirked and cleared her throat. Allison quickly turned to her with wide eyes.
“You been here before, Ally?”
“Maybe once.” She cheekily smiled and opened the door. Stepping inside, they jumped a bit upon seeing Five already inside. He looked over when he heard the door open and close.
“Ah. So, we’re just waiting on our leader.” He gave a tight, close-lipped smile. Not too long after, the sound of glass shattering and someone groaning in pain could be heard. With a collective sigh, the three made their way to the front of the house, where Diego lay in shards of glass that were once a part of the door.
“Subtle.” Allison quipped as (Y/N) easily twisted the unlocked knob and opened the door.
“You know, the door was unlocked.” Five added as Diego painfully got up from the floor.
“Yeah, well, my way works just fine,” He strained through gritted teeth. “Spread out. Yell if you, uh… you know, you’re in trouble.” When he was out of the room, Five scoffed.
“Aspiring leadership.”
“One of the greats.”
“Love his work.” (Y/N) finished as she walked into the living room, Five right behind her. The boy glanced over his shoulder to see Diego was now in the kitchen. Figuring they were as alone as they could be, he joined (Y/N) at the coffee table, the girl looking through the papers stacked on top.
“Hey… You sure you’re okay?” He whispered, the girl not answering for a few beats.
“I’m fine, Five. Just trying to prevent an apocalypse like anyone else around here.” She joked. His concerned orbs didn’t leave her until Allison called for them to come upstairs. Quickly, the three bounded up the stairs and then the ladder that lead to the attic. The sight before her caused (Y/N) to fall dead silent. It was like an Umbrella Academy shrine. Old merchandise, posters, and figurines littered the room, only that wasn’t the unsettling part. All of their faces, even Reginald’s, were crossed out from the posters and burnt off from the figurines.
“This guy’s got some serious issues…” Diego quietly muttered. He and Five both muttered a ‘shit’, but the boy’s sounded more wavering. (Y/N) turned to see him breathing heavily and checking his side yet again.
“Five?” She whispered, gently holding his shoulder. His eyes were half lidded when they met hers and she began to panic. Just as Allison came to the conclusion that Vanya’s boyfriend was out for their family, Five fainted. (Y/N) yelped and caught him before he could hit the ground. Allison and Diego turned to them as the girl sat on her knees, letting the back of Five’s head rest on her thighs. Allison lifted his shirt to reveal the bullet wound in his side, blood seeping from it.
“Jesus, Five, why didn’t you say anything?” Diego widened his eyes. Five groaned as (Y/N) gripped one of his hands in hers.
“You have to keep going…,” He faintly whispered. “So… close…” His words trailed off when he fell unconscious. (Y/N) shakily inhaled as she gently patted his cheek with her free hand.
“Five? Five?! Five!” She screamed, tears filling her (e/c) eyes. “No, come on, Five! Stay awake!” She hit his cheek a bit harder, the boy’s eyes cracking open the slightest bit right before Diego and Allison both picked him up. She was close behind them and assisted in opening and closing doors. Once they were all piled into the car, with her and Five in the back, they began to drive off.
“The Academy…” Five muttered in his haze.
“W-What?” (Y/N) sniffled.
“We need to go to the house…”
“Five, we need to get you to a hospital! We don’t have Grace anymore.”
“The house, Diego…” Five demanded despite himself. Diego shook his head, but listened to his brother and changed the route to their house. (Y/N) sighed in frustration and glanced down at Five. He was drifting in and out of consciousness and she was right there to wake him up if he fell asleep. Her other hand gently ran through his dark strands as she tried to hold in her sobs.
Not this again.
—————————————
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