#but also the things jay voluntarily gave tim are so different from what he left behind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soulmate-game · 3 years

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It was never that Jason wanted anyone to hurt. Contrary to popular belief, he’s not that much of a jackass. He didn’t want everyone to be hurt just for the sake of seeing them in pain. It was never about that. He didn’t expect Tim or later Damian to be hurt or even bothered much at all by the news of his death. They weren’t involved, Damian had been thousands of miles away with his mom still.

But Mari had scoured everywhere for him, not understanding why they couldn’t lock in his coordinates because if she could just figure out where he was then Kaalki could get them all there in a split second. And Bruce and Dick had shown up right as the building went up in flames. Mari has finally managed to make a portal to the right place, popping into the warehouse with the Turtle activated right as the bomb went off... only to realize too late that the Shelter she called had come short of protecting Jason by only a foot and a half.

She had worried about Batman fighting her over that fact. Maybe blaming her for not getting close enough, for not protecting him well enough even though she had literally had less than a second to react. But he understood more than she realized. He had been in the business longer than her, he knew the feeling of doing everything you physically could and yet still falling just barely short. So he didn’t fight her. He just took in her unharmed self, the little circle around her that was free of rubble, and the tears streaming silently down her face as she looked at Jason’s beat and battered body.

He walked out of there carrying Jason in his arms, and quietly sent Nightwing back to carry Marinette out as well. He had a feeling she wouldn’t be very steady on her feet, and there was a lot of dangerous rubble around. He didn’t want any more injuries today. This was... already too much.

And that was the thing Jason had a problem with years later. After his resurrection, when he came back and found Batman and Nightwing in mostly working order. Not changed much from what he could see as they were when he last saw them as Robin.

They had all gone through shit. They had all been at that warehouse, they had all been psychologically put through the wringer (though Jason’s wringer was noticeably spiked and came with a crowbar free of charge). And it wasn’t entirely about Jason being upset that he didn’t mean that much to Bruce and Dick (though that was a nagging thought that interrupted his attempts at sleep many nights).

If they all went through the same agonizing thing. They all went through the explosion at that warehouse in different ways. They were all tortured by the joker, albeit in different ways. All four of them experienced merely different flavors of panic and agony during the whole ordeal that killed him.

So why was Jason the only one that wasn’t okay? Of course, that was before he found Marinette. To him, if Dick and Bruce were okay (they weren’t, but they looked like it from what he could see) then Mari probably was too. Which meant he was the only one still damaged. And how was that fair? Because he was the only one whose heart stopped? And whose fault was that? Whose fault was it that he was the only one out of the four people involved in the same traumatic experience that was still wrecked by it? His mother. Joker. Himself. Bruce. Bruce was the only logical choice, because he was the only choice left that Jason could act on. He was the only choice left for Jason to take his anger out on.

Just the thought of the Joker still made him freeze up, some days. Joker was his boogeyman and even if given the chance, he didn’t know if he could pull the trigger on his own. His brain was traitorous like that. And his mother was dead. And the shit he was going through was exactly the reason he wanted to take his anger out on somebody else in the first place, so it wouldn’t make sense to add to that. So Bruce. It had to be Bruce’s fault by default, right?

And then he found Marinette. And his realizations were made, and talks were had, and after all those discussions and after the beginning of the three of them healing, Jason showed up at Dick’s door. Motorcycle helmet under his arm, and a box of goodies from Marinette as a peace offering.

Because now that he knew that none of them had made it out of that Warehouse as the same person, that all of them had died a little on that day and still had to piece themselves back together, he couldn’t ignore that Dick was also there. Dick, “Boy Wonder” Grayson, who might explode in anger when he felt wronged but otherwise dealt with everything he could with a smile.

The same Grayson that had notoriously hard to tell when he was dealing with something. The same Grayson who was always there for others to open up to, but rarely opened up to anyone himself. The Grayson who, like the old Marinette, preferred to hide all of his mental trauma and struggles with smiles and favors and jokes and sarcasm.

“Hey,” Jason gave Dick a lopsided smile, his other brother still staring with wide eyes. Jason hadn’t visited him at all since he came back, Dick was under the impression that he still hated all of them. “I brought some eclairs and croissants from Mari. She included savory ones too because we both know you’re still probably eating nothing but cereal and ice cream—“

“Jay,” Dick breathed, still not quite believing what he was seeing. Jason wasn’t angry, he wasn’t Red Hood, he was voluntarily visiting him. And being a self-conscious, emotionally vulnerable Jason that he hadn’t seen in... hadn’t seen since...

“I think we should talk, Dick,” Jason finally managed to whisper. “Hell knows our damn family is horrible at communication.”

Our family.

Dick swallowed a lump in his throat, pushing down the intrusive thoughts. Jason still thought of him as family. He had all but lost hope on that front.

“Yeah, come on in.”

#maribat #ml x dc #mlb x dc #dc x mlb #dc x miraculous #jasonette

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bubblepop-32 · 5 years

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If Bruce was De-aged and the only one who could make him stop screaming is Jason. (Part 3)

Bruce gets de-aged, but his memories aren’t as young (but not as old) as what they’re supposed to be. And he desperately needs Jason.

I wanted to read de-aged Bruce with our man Jay but I literally can’t find any ;A; So I sacrificed sleep and wrote this.

There’s going to be good ol’ fluff and bonding between Jason and small Bruce, but there’s also going to be angst, suffering and then a little more angst. And swearing (mostly from Jay)

Here’s the previous chap >> Part 2 << And if this is your first time... >> Part 1 <<

Jason ended up being led by an entourage of people – namely Alfred, Dick and Zatanna towards the place where de-aged-potentially-alternate-universe Bruce was kept. With each heavy step he took towards wherever they were going, the more and more he grew unsettled.

Alfred came to a graceful halt as they somewhat neared their destination, which soon turned out to be only Jason’s destination since no one else was going to go with him beyond where Alfred stopped.

“The temporary room where Master Bruce is staying is just the third door down on the right.” Alfred seemed to be directing the words mostly towards Jason. In a more hushed tone, Alfred continued. “Master Jason, it would be a good idea if you go without an entire horde following you.”

Alfred knew Jason was already uncomfortable setting foot here, much less be so close Bruce. Having more people to deal with other than trying to handle Jason himself whilst being in the presence of the bat was a horrifying thought by itself. This was also for the betterment of Bruce, despite Alfred knowing that Jason didn’t want to find himself starting to have to actually care about him.

Hearts and bonds shattered at such a young age would leave such a nasty scar that, perhaps, may never heal even with time.

“Yeah Ok.” Jason fixed his eyes on the door that was three doors to the right through the dimmed hallway. “Alright.” Jason was only just starting to freak out because this is Bruce he’s going to be meeting. Hell, it might not even be the Bruce he knows. What should he say? Would he even need to say anything at all? Wait, so why was he going to see Bruce?

Right, he was going to calm Bruce down. If this was another situation, for example, if Jason was interfering with some weapons trade and started shooting everyone, he’ll be able to calm and angry Bruce down by saying, ‘No, I didn't fucking kill anyone and yes, they’re alive,’ though whoever was left was usually on the verge of dying and sometimes in need of amputations. He would laugh at the idea of trying to calm the cold, stoic bat. It would all be some sick joke since practically everyone else out there that Bruce knew would be more eligible for the job than he would be.

But this, this was apparently different so whatever eligibility hierarchy there was before is now completely overthrown and Jason’s brain hasn’t caught up yet.

Alfred turned to look at Dick with a similar weariness behind his movements. “I think it is time that Master Tim takes his break. He has barricaded himself inside the cave and has taken nothing but coffee. It will do him good if you accompany him for a while.”

The butler quickly heads off to make something for Tim. Jason wonders how Alfred is able to feed so many people who are unable to cook without so much as making a mess of something. Jason had also assumed that Alfred would keep an eye on the situation but realised that Alfred must trust him, enough so that he was allowed to use his fine china and enter a room with a fragile ten-year-old Bruce inside. And the amount of trust that Alfred has given to him made his heart unexpectedly ache.

Then, there was Dick. They never got the chance or time to become better brothers. So the use of an old pet name Dick had for him caught him off guard.

“Jaybird?” Dick held Jason’s gaze for a moment as he thought of what to say. Jason found it both amusing and odd that the most sociably-sound, able-to-strike-up-conversations person out of all the batkids is holding back on his words.

“What?” Jason grunted.

“Thanks…Thanks for doing this.” Dick said.

Jason snorted and rolled his eyes. It really was out of character for Dick to thank him like this. “Don’t thank me yet. I might just make things worse than they already are.”

“No, you won’t.” Dick flashed Jason a smile. “It’ll be fine.”

“My ears sure won’t if he screams like that,” Jason utters, feeling coolly detached from the situation at hand.

“We can always get you fitted with hearing aids if it gets to that point.” Dick reaches out and tenderly brushes a few loose strands of white from Jason’s eyes and Jason tries his best to suppress himself from moving away from the sudden contact. Maybe it was a force of habit with the other two.

“Alright, I’ll ring you up if I ever need one of those.” Like hell he would. There’s still traces of the Lazarus within him and his ears can handle more than just a little screaming.

Dick leaves, his strides long and graceful as he heads towards the Cave. That just leaves him and Zatanna. Jason takes in a deep breath, hoping that it will steal him for what he has to face. He exhales and continues walking-

“Before you go, I think I should tell you something.” Zatanna pulls Jason aside by the wrist into a corridor by the side that leads to a bathroom. “I haven’t been completely open with the real reason we need you to meet with Bruce. Yes, he’s calling for you, but the reason behind it…it would’ve distressed Dick a little if I told you about it in front of him.”

“I thought you two talked it through already.” Jason furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and searched Zatanna’s eyes. “You said that you’ll be able to do your magic if I calm him down. I don’t see anything else to it.”

“Yeah, but do you know why I’ll be able to do that once he’s calm?” Zatanna’s gaze was piercing, daring him to interrupt her. “He’s hanging onto those memories of you. Voluntarily, if you will. He’s even managed to keep a firm hold on them when I tried to lock them up. From the looks of it, they are his freshest memories. They’re the most recent memories younger Bruce has from our Bruce, and they’re also the ones that are affecting younger Bruce the most.”

“Both you and Dick have said that he remembers me dead. Is it serious that it’s just one memory of me that’s stopping you.” Jason says. Zatanna still hasn’t let go of Jason’s wrist and he was starting to feel a little overwhelmed.

“Well, Mr Todd, you do leave quite the impression on people.”

“Yeah, but apparently I don’t leave the nicest ones.” Jason quickly murmured back.

“Uh huh but he ended up taking you in after all,” Zatanna replied. “You’re not as bad as you think you are.”

“I am, Zatanna, I never became the person he thought that I would be.” Jason bit back a laugh. “He should have just left me in that alleyway. Now all he does is gripe at all the things I do for Gotham whilst he sits back and deals with the things Gotham doesn’t need. He tails me wherever I go like he’s trying to chase down the ‘me’ he thought he knew. And now, what, this kid Bruce is hung up about it all over again because he just won’t fucking let go of it!”

Zatanna didn’t flinch nor move from her spot. She knows that Jason is just as hurt about as everyone else in the family is but his perception of those feelings he has are clouded by suffocating plumes of twisted resentment that is associated with Bruce.

“Even if those memories are painful to him, even if they are making him suffer, he’s not letting go of them because they’re important to him. You’re important to him, Jason.” She could practically feel the cold disbelief that radiated off from Jason. “I was surprised that I could lock away memories regarding this world’s Bruce’s parents…because he’s moved on. He has his own family and city to protect now, something that he didn’t have before. You’re part of the family he wants to protect to desperately.”

Jason doesn’t need to know all this. He didn’t need to know that all this wasn’t just Bruce being a stubborn brat and refusing to calm down – but were essentially specific memories, the memories of Jason’s death that was stopping Zatanna reciting her spell and him getting more sleep.

“I stopped being his ‘family’ ages ago! He made the very clear when he gave me this.” He spits out, downright feeling bitter all over again as he used his free hand to pull down his collar, revealing a thin white line that ran horizontally along the side of his neck. The slice of a Batarang. “He’s chosen that fucker over me more than just a few times.”

“Jason, those memories were the only things he had of you before everything went spiralling down. And they’re the only thing he has of you now as well.” Zatanna’s squeezed the grip he had on Jason’s wrist, “But, what Joker did to you…Bruce…he, he was distraught, broken and different afterwards. He couldn’t let it go. He couldn’t let himself because you mattered to him.”

He stops and stares at her, trying to decipher the meaning behind what she’s said about Bruce. Sure yeah, Bruce has changed, but it doesn’t change that fact that he looks perpetually brooding even without the cowl on. To Jason, it seemed like the change in Bruce was trifling. Same old stoic Bruce with his same old moral code.

Zatanna gave an exasperated sigh. “If you open yourself to your family a bit more you would be able to realise things you don’t now. You have to realise that they are your family and have never stopped being your family.”

Jason tries to fight the urge to stare at her red lips as they spoke passionately, or at her dark hair that flows as she shook her head. The teenage Jason within struggles a losing fight as he easily tosses away the urges. He’s over all the silly ways how he would blush a little, or linger a little longer when she comes and visits the manor sometimes. Flowers bloom and wither, and now he feels nothing more than acquaintanceship for the magician. It was oddly a calm feeling. Jason’s steady gaze doesn’t leave Zatanna’s sparkling light blue eyes for even a moment.

“I’m not in the position to ask but, please, pretend that the kid you’ll be seeing is not the Bruce you know, but someone who desperately needs you and your help,” Zatanna said, knowing that Jason does understand but simply hates showing that he cares. This aspect of his proves that he was raised by Bruce more so than not.

The desperate desire to protect those who can’t, especially children, is a shared trait between the two.

Zatanna’s hand slid away from her grip on Jason’s wrist and turned back towards the main hallway. Jason didn't give a definite yes or no, but Zatanna didn’t need to know it since she knew Jason’s answer from the beginning. In fact, when a head-strong person like Jason chooses voluntarily stay when he had a choice to back out, they will see it out until the end.

The two came to a stop at where they were supposed to arrive minutes ago but had a slight detour. Jason faced the closed wooden door. Undefined shadows caused by the dim lighting etched across the door, giving it texture and form, further reconsolidating the fact in Jason’s head that this is real. Not a dream, not a nightmare, not a hallucination.

Zatanna hovered a couple metres behind, understanding that this was something that Jason needed to do by himself.

“With deduction skills like yours,” Jason slightly turned his head, but he wasn’t fully facing Zatanna either, “why don’t you step up and take his mantle as Batman for a while?”

An amused chuckle rolled out from Zatanna’s lips. “We established ages ago that his life as Batman wouldn’t be able to match up with mine…and we left it at that.” If Jason could see Zatanna’s face right now, he would see an amount of sentimentality he wouldn’t usually associate with the lively and energetic magician.

Jason realised that ‘we’ was Bruce and her, and suddenly realised that maybe that they had something more between them, once upon a time.

“Yeah, it wouldn’t suit you.” The smile that graced Jason didn’t last long. He placed his hand on the metal handle, hesitated, took a breath in, then out, then pushed.

This chapter, was hard to write. I was writing it in disjointed sections and I’m not confident with my ability to write conversations between two people so I kept on editing it. This chapter is to shed more light on what’s going on (because I tend to just write without realising that other people don’t know what the heck is going on) and to further develop the plot.

I’ve sort of like the idea of Jason having had a thing for Zatanna, but moves on. I wanted it to symbolise that Jason has changed, that he wasn’t the person he was before, but not someone entirely different either, like a bildungsroman in a way.

Here’s the next part >> Part 4 <<

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