#bf is crushing so it's still valid totally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

royaleofury · 2 years

Text

☃A Glance at 2023

How are you all? In simple words, I want to take you to take a glance at what 2023 has for you. Each pile is divided in 3 sub sections: career/academics, love life and advice. Enjoy ☘️

How to Choose a Pile: Take a deep breath and choose the picture that you are most attracted to. Even after this, if you are not able to choose a picture, take 3 deep breath, and the picture on which your eyes land after opening it, that's your pile.

The pictures go from left to right ➥

By the time, 2023 arrives, if any of these messages resonate to you, feel free to drop an ask about it☘️Let's Go!!

❆ Pile 1

Career/Academics

Knight of cups and 10 of swords

Both the cards are indicating a truly different story. I guess, this pile has people carrying a totally different vibe, energy, etc. from each other. Those who are choosing this pile, may feel like this is not your reading but the energy here is so contrasting.

Moving on the with the reading, I am getting that if you are someone who is still in college/school/institutions, it will be a favourable period for you. There are lots of opportunities waiting for you in the upcoming year, especially lots of projects, like group projects and many solo projects too, but take care of one thing that if you are someone who takes the burden of the whole group project alone, then DO NOT DO IT! People may try to handover their workload to you, so be careful and refuse rightaway if such circumstances occur. Apart from that, I am also getting that many of you can change schools or colleges in 2023, you will meeting lots of new people and making some genuine good friends. There's a chance that you may become the "Miss/Mr popular".

If you are someone who has already completed their studies and looking for jobs, then trust me, it's a beautiful year for you. You will be getting ample of opportunities to work in different companies, and places. I see that some sort of connections that you have build in the past may help you in getting a job. This can resonate to most of you but there's also a section of people in this pile , who are already doing some sort of job but are drained and exhausted themselves to great extent. Some of them event want to change jobs, so if that's the case, change you jobs and heal yourself. Just take some time off and think what you really want to do and give it a thought. You do not need validation, ask yourself about how you are feeling and if you can continue being like this anymore. Refrain from taking advices from others because they will not be helping you much, rather they will just create more chaos.

Love life

The Fool and 10 of wands

As I told, this pile has so many contradictory messages, anyways. For some of you, there could be a new crush or you someone who happen to see for the first time and you develop some feelings for them. There's this blow of fresh feelings, I sense here. But , it may take you some time to realise your feelings for them and move on to the confession phase. You may act all giddy and naive around that person but refuse to acknowledge that there's some sort of connection between you two.

For others, if you are someone who works hard and doesn't give a damn about love and relationships but at the same time, wants a gf/bf, then you have to take out time for it. You just cannot ask someone to show interest in you when you all drowned in work all day long. You have to put efforts and let people know that you are looking for a serious long term relationship. Apart from them, I am also sensing that some of you, I mean very small section of people in this pile are already in relationship but are having trouble because either you or your partner are always busy and doesn't seem to put much efforts into the relationship. Either you talk it out or move on from the relationship because it's not benefitting you or the other person in any way. I am sorry to say but you are wasting time.

Advice

You need to bring balance and harmony in your life. Put equal efforts into those all things that you are passionate about. Be equally good to everyone and don't be biased towards one thing or person. If you are confused about something or having trouble in selecting a particular path, try to go on both the paths one by one to get a bit of idea as to what you are are comfortable with.

For some of you, there's another message that you don't need to worry about what's going to happen in the future. Just do you do everyday and leave everything to God/guides/ancestors. Just surrender to them and keep doing on what you do everyday. By worrying too much about future, you are failing to focus on what is important to you in the present. Everything will come to you when the right time comes.

❆ Pile 2

Career/Academics

Knight of swords and 5 of Pentacles

I am sensing that for some of you, next year will be a year where you have to face all sorts of obstacles, only for the best to come for you. You will come across lots of challenges, overnight work, etc. but you have to face them all with determination and dedication. You can even become class monitor/school head/college president/ etc. in the next year, if you want to pursue them. But the main focus is that you have to be brave and courageous, because good things will not come easily, there will be many lurking eyes around your success , but you have to grab them right and not let it go. Don't back down if you have already promised someone for something because it can make people hold grudges around you, which can create problems later on. I am also seeing lots of competitions and other programs being held next year in your college/school and I see you participating in them and even if you don't have any intentions of participating in them , then you should because there's a great chance of you developing your self confidence by doing such programs. It will be a great opportunity for you to make se memories through such competitions.

For those who are already doing some sort of business or jobs, it may not be that much of a good period of you all. You all, may lose job or there can be some sort of loss in your business. You may make some regretful decisions which can be harmful for both you and people around you. Therefore, you have to be careful as to what will be doing next. You may also make a hasty decision and leave a job, so think twice before making such decisions. Try to spend less money on items that are not needed as the moment. I was getting anxious with this part, so I decided to pull another card, and I got The World, therefore, you need to too worried about what I said above, just be careful and everything will turn out good. You may find people trying to advise you or lend you some help when you will need it the most.

Love life

Knight of cups and 7 of cups

Next year will bring new people and with that will bring new love interests. Someone very charming and creative will be coming towards you, leaving you in awe, because you will be all over this person. Fresh and lots of butterflies will be whirling in your stomach when you will see this person. You may feel like that THIS IS THE ONE FOR ME. Take things slowly and steadily and look out for red flags because the knight of cups is followed by 7 of cups. Everything may seem too good to be true because it is. You need to see if that person really deserves you or are they just playing with you because there's a tendency of you being blinded by love and not looking for any defaults in that person. Make decisions only after you have known everything about that person, there's no need to rush this moment.

For others, who are already in relationship, I see that there's something that you are forgetting to see or look out for. Something, very important and must! I pulled out another card for this one and I got 7 of wands. This can mean that you need to put healthy boundaries in your relationship. If your partner is invading your privacy or not respecting you in any way, by saying " THIS IS HOW A RELATIONSHIP IS", then you shouldn't go by what they say. You need to immediately stand up for yourself and let them know what you are comfortable with. Make them know what makes you comfortable. Do not get lured by what they think a relationship should be.

Advice

Don't be worried if you see others are better than you. You are good enough for yourself and for those who love you as you are. You don't need to prove your worth others again and again. Try enhancing your own skills instead of feeling insecure by others. You are never old to learn something. Everyday you learn something new and you become a student again. And one day, when you will accomplish all the skills that you wanted, you will be proud of yourself by looking at your journey.

For others, there's another message, give your body some rest and care because it deserves it. You have been overlooking your own health and repeatedly falling into the same pattern again and again and that's not healthy at all. You need let your soul get some fresh breathe, maybe try meditation and yoga and morning walks because they will seriously help you in some way or other.

❆ Pile 3

Career/Academics

Queen of swords and 5 of cups

Next year will be fruitful for you if you want to pursue higher studies related to law, tax , etc. You may have been little confused about what to pursue next but you have some ideas going on in your mind, thne you should execute them because they are right for you and will take you to the right path. I am sensing that you will be having great amount of self confidence on yourself and will feel like " THIS IS MY TIME AND NO ONE CAN DEFEAT ME". You know what you are doing and will continue doing things that will right for you and your friends. You may even get some sort of leadership position in your field of work or in your school/college, where you have to lead a group of people under you and guide them. You just have to be confident about yourself because queen of swords is being followed by 5 of cups indicating that you may lose everything the moment you start doubting your abilities. After which, you may regret a lot upon your past actions asking only if you could turn back time. Therefore, be careful and never doubt your actions. You are good as you are but never doubt that you will not be carry any sort of responsibility. The upcoming year can feel like a lightning to you all, like it started yesterday and ended today? Bizarre! Because you will have lots of things to do next year!

At the same, for a few of you, you may encounter a female who will above you in terms of age/authority. She will be very impressed with your work and may give you advise from time to time. You may also see her always complimenting and encouraging you from time to time because she genuinely feels you deserve them. May even help you financially ( only for very people here) but mostly, she will motivate you in some way or the other. You may even look upto her as if she is your role model in a way.

Love life

7 of wands and Hanged Man

This is telling me that many of you have high standards for your partners. High standards in a way where they seem unrealistic. You need to know that nobody can be perfect but two imperfect come together to make it perfect. Its like you want to be in relationship so badly but yet don't want to make yourself available since you already have high standards. Relationships are always hit and trial, not all of them will work out.

There's another message here, where you all are guarding yourself so much that it's giving the other person the message that you are not ready for any relationship. You are afraid of love and it's attachments but yet want it in some way or other way. For this, you need to need to let your guard down slowly by slowly and see others without any preconceived ideas about them.

Also, do not rush into any relationship. Take your time and let them take some time too. There's no need to take hasty decisions in matters related to love otherwise all your efforts may go into vain.

For people, who are already in relationship, and thinking that the relationship, is not benefitting or contributing anything in your life, then please walk out instead of wasting your energy. You all, need to really start focusing on your personal soul growth and do some healing instead of getting sucked by the other person. If better for both of you to take some time off from this relationship and start something new for the betterment of both of you.

Advice

It's ok to sometimes listen to others and let them lead you. Being too stubborn will only hamper you in the future. If you friends say that LETS GO TO THIS RESTAURANT, then go with them in that restaurant. Try becoming little less stubborn and you will see how life seems little less burdened. You always do not need to be the 1ST in everything and everywhere. It's ok to come in the second place.

There's another message, that, do not blindly trust someone, especially, your friends because I am not really getting good vibes for someone. There's a chance of you meeting some new friends through your mutual friends, but not all of them have good intentions, therefore, look out for things that seem suspicious at the very first glance.

Thank you for reading till here. See you again with another brand new post. 🕊️

#pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #2023 reading #new year reading #clara posts #royaleofury #tarotblr #tarot community #tarot masterlist #tarot #tarot cards #divination #new reading #pac #general pac #like #reblog #share

228 notes · View notes

1d1195 · 9 months

Note

With all the recent Lizzo news; I’ve been thinking about Harry and how he is friends with a lot of problematic people. I do think our friends are a reflection of who we are, and I’m not saying he has to answer for his friends but I’m worried that he isn’t as good a person as he presents himself to be. As a member of a marginalized group, I’m like always waiting for the other show to drop of him saying a racist thing. Idk I’m rambling. It’s stupid.

I've been thinking about this too. My bf likes to bring it up as well (mostly out of his far-fetched jealousy for Harry, lol, but anyway). I do want to preface that I am never one to hide a message sent to me (unless specifically requested) but this one does make me very nervous to answer publicly. I hope you see it quickly because honestly, I don't promise it will remain on my blog forever if it goes downhill

I don't want to make excuses for Harry, because I agree with ALL of what you're saying. Especially where our friends are a reflection of who we are and that he doesn't necessarily have to answer for his friends actions and words. Maybe not in Lizzo's case, but I like to believe sometimes this idea goes the other way too--that maybe, for example, the people he surrounds himself with aren't all bad like the media makes them out to be?

To be totally honest with you I don't follow very many celebrities--mainly Harry and the rest of 1D. And I def don't follow closely, so I really don't know a lot of the nitty gritty stuff that Harry (or any celebrity, really) gets up to. I know the very surface level things about this whole Lizzo thing. Maybe that makes me inept but I find it extremely difficult to be worried all the time about my favorite celebrities. Back in my 1D days I was constantly distraught. I would yell at my family whenever they had an interview. I know I'm obsessed with them still in some capacity, but it was obvious that it was too much for my mental health back then. It's the same reason I don't watch the news anymore (I could go on an on about the news so I'll stop this part of my rant here.)

I'm not making excuses, I promise--even though I'm sure it sounds like I am. I don't know. I think it's the empathizer in me. But I look at celebrities and (and please don't think I'm a terrible person) I know that a many of them aren't known to be all good or known in the greatest light. But I also believe they have lives and they have bad days just like me and I'm sure I don't look great in every light every moment of the day. I know many of them are looked at as role models and yes, they should use their fame for good, etc. but does that mean they have to be perfect? I don't think that is necessarily fair. I'm not condoning their offenses, it's why I stopped following so much of Hollywood.

And you know, sure, maybe I might be making excuses for Harry because he's one of the last celebrities I've got on a pedestal and I think I would be so crushed if the other shoe drops I'm not sure I'd ever recover. But, we can see all the good he has done for so many. All the people and organizations he supports. Maybe it's enough to balance out his less than great friendships, maybe it's not, I don't know. I'm not the one to judge that kind of thing. Maybe Harry is actually an introvert and his celebrity friends have nothing to do with who he really he is. Maybe it's all some long publicity thing that we'll never know about. I don't know if anyone can say, but I know I certainly can't.

I feel like I sound like an idiot but I want to assure you of one thing I AM absolutely, positively sure about: You are not stupid. I think as a fellow Harry-lover, this is a valid concern and I hope I haven't made you think I'm a terrible person in this nonsensical explanation of mine.

I truly hope I didn't offend you with my own thoughts (and ramblings too :) but alas) that is the very last thing I'd ever want to do because it honestly means a lot to me you felt comfortable to share this message with me. You are wonderful.

xoxo

9 notes · View notes

literallyabanana · 1 year

Text

My first crush on a girl was super confusing because she was also kind of my rival for the attention of a boy I liked. That slowly turned into us becoming friends, her getting another BF and us walking to a cafe after school and me realizing that the time me the boy and her all made a mostly chaste cuddle pile of horny teens while watching a scary movie left me yearning for her body more so than his. I wasn’t un-attracted to the boy, but I wasn’t desperate for his touch the same way.

The boy was so much more about getting my moms approval. Of proving I wasn’t a disappointingly masculine loser. And even my attempts to win a boy led back to desiring a girl.

I wish so hard for a world where young SSA women didn’t have to feel crushed by shame and feeling aberrant when these totally normal milestones happen. I wish I could remember her as fondly as straight people get to. I wish the memories weren’t bitter sweet. I wish my blossoming crush didn’t wither on the vine from the force of my self loathing.

I wish I hadn’t been so desperate to prove those external and internal accusations of wrongness to be false that I latched on to the first male that would have me and endured years of abuse just to have the validation of male violence.

I wish I didn’t still check crowds for the face of a 19 year old boy when intellectually I know he has long since become a man.

I wish my head didn’t still ring with the homophobic bullying of my peers. With the pointed comments and questions from my mother. I wish I didn’t have the seared in memory of going to a teacher I thought of as a mentor about our Gay Straight Alliance posters getting torn down and defaced with slurs only to have him sneer and say “well I don’t have a problem with those people, but it’s really not appropriate for high school kids”.

I hope the world learns how to just let us be. I hope someday we don’t need parades and advocacy groups. I hope someday sexuality is banal trivia, like being left handed or double jointed.

Remember to love yourselves. Remember you are perfect exactly the way you are. You aren’t broken. The world is.

#radblr #radical feminist community #radical feminism #radical feminists do touch #personal #reminiscing

11 notes · View notes

beyoncesdragon · 3 years

Text

an introduction of VICTON♥︎༄

my favorite emo punk fairies of kpop, @aixy-hpsa bub buckle up.

-`about victon´-

Victon actually means Voice to New World or some, and we, the cult-followers, are to be yelled at by the name of ALICE. They debuted 2016 and have so far produced a bunch of mindblowing, amazing, superior, beautiful, showstopping (...) bops:

-`studio albums´-

Voice : The Future is Now (2021) *scream*

-`mini albums´-

Voice To New World (2016)

Ready (2017)

Identity (2017)

From. VICTON (2017)

Nostalgia (2019)

Continuous (2020)

-`single albums´-

"Time of Sorrow" (2018)

"Mayday" (2020)

they are amaaaaazing oke. look here have my favorite songs of them. (Yes I’m forcing my love for them down your throat now I’m sorry)

♥︎ - KANG SEUNGSIK - ♥︎

♥︎ 16. April 1995 ♥︎ 🐶 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Leader!

He became Victons leader after Seungwoo started participating in Produce X 101 and then officially became Victons leader when Seungwoo came back from X1.

Vocalist! VOCALIST. VOCALIST

This man is blessed with a set of insane vocal chords and we all love him for it.

congratulations to Victon for being the only group with Kang Seungsik

He’s the mom of the group :,)

Supa caring dude, cleans up the mess of OT6

Is “Health” in persona, which kinda fits doesn’t it.

Naturally gets bullied by the younger ones.

EYE SMILE GANG

Also has dimples

Great leader and we should all respect him for it and give him never ending credits, victon wouldn’t be victon without him periodt.

♥︎ - HAN SEUNGWOO - ♥︎

♥︎ December 24, 1994 ♥︎ 🦊 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Lead rapper, lead dancer, lead vocalist lead everything

Except Leader.

He gave that position up after he returned from X1 (where he by the way also was voted leader)

YOOO the members missed him so much they cried when he was gone

Visuals✨

Oh boy that man...dangerous

He has the funniest laugh? Like u would never expect that laugh to be his???

He. Has. His. Own. EP. And I dare everyone to listen to „Sacrifice“. It’s a masterpiece.

Seunggu also has tattoos!! 3 in total.

This dude is ripped yet u will probably catch him imitating goats and pikachu...?

Will roast the maknae but with love

Hes so much more than just his face.

♥︎ - DO HANSE - ♥︎

♥︎ 25. Sept. 1997 ♥︎ 🐱 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Hello you’re looking at the loml

Main rapper.

(Of victon and of Kpop ex.1 and ex.2)

Sese ♥︎

Puts the sweet in sweetheart and really, he only looks like he could kill

TATTOOOOOS. SO. MANY. OF. THEM.

Semicolon on his wrist; cross on his left shoulder and chest (he church boi); roses on his arm: writings on his collar bone; so many more

bestest sense of fashion hands down

Iconic lip ring

His own solo EP is on the way!!!

Somehow this man is also main dancer

MIC FLIPS OWO

Talented boy.

♥︎ - LIM SEJUN - ♥︎

♥︎ May 4, 1996 ♥︎ 🍓 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

You are looking at an icon here

Most coziest-est VLives in history of Vlives

Easily scared (victon does enjoy that, naturally)

Very whiny but it’s oke

Lead Vocalist, Visual, Face of the Group

Insane vocals too, here ex.1

Another member of kpops cucumbers-anti squad

He’s very much BTS fanboy (not as much as Wooyoung but that’s hard anyways)

Competitive eater (listen, the maknae said that and we will believe him)

Will never leave Subin do a Vlive in peace ever

Will Never leave Subin live in peace ever either

Clingy boy

Walking noise-machine, he goes “ouh? Oh? Eh?” Like 372892 times a day

So much love for the dimple-prince

♥︎ - HEO CHAN - ♥︎

♥︎ December 14, 1995 ♥︎ 🦖 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

May I introduce...SUNSHINE OF VICTON ☀️

Mood maker of the group!

Mr Main Dancer and Vocalist also has dimples

And even tho he wanted to be a dance instructor, he somehow ended up becoming an idol

He even trained with TBZ mr leader sir Sangyeon

Mans can drive!!

Like Lee Know, he once was a backup dancer. For A-Pink tho, which is pretty cool

Hes considered the uncle in our lovely family dynamic

Expensive boi be collecting sHOES

And he said he polishes them from time to time and I do think that’s adorable

He’s also allergic to cats (unless it’s Hanse. That’s okay ig)

Cutest sunny boy, will take good care of your heart always☀️💛

♥︎ - CHOI BYUNGCHAN - ♥︎

♥︎ November 12, 1997 ♥︎ 🐥 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Welcome to Victon where everyone has a mandatory crush on Byung

Like he doesn’t even have to enter your biasline

You will still have a crush on him because Byungchan

Softest biaswrecker i have ever had 112/10 would recommend

Tall boi. Like really tall and really broad👀

I keep forgetting he’s maknae line tbh

Prettiest Dimples ever.

Very active on his Instagram and we love him for it

Top tier bf material

Hes the softest boy and yet only one who isn’t scared of fucking bugs (victon scaredy cats)

Try not falling too hard for the mister

He knows so many girlfroup dances

He also shows them off quite always

He’s a bit tinie liddol but clumsy sometimes

Gosh I love him

♥︎ - JUNG SUBIN - ♥︎

♥︎ April 5, 1999 ♥︎ 🐰 ♥︎ 🇰🇷 ♥︎

Vocalist, Rapper, Heart-stealer, Actor...

AND MOST LOVED MAKNAE EVER

Like I don’t know if any maknae ever received as many kisses as this one

Gets (rightfully) babied to the Max by every. Single. One. Of. Them.

24/7

He’s also a babie. Like yes he’s a grown man and he looks hella intimidating on stage but-

It’s Subin

He’s also the smolest in Victon (uwu)

At the same time, maknae on top, this man gets everything (except his own room lmao) he wants

Sometimes not so baby (ex.1)

Saiubin-bby was supposed to debut with Pentagon but he yeeted last minute (we thank)

The child himself has children too: dog Toto and 2 cats: Mimi and Jaws.

He’s close friends with my favourite, formerly pink-haired elf-twink Yeonjun of TXT

Chairman of Victon.

he has the BEST insta user: subsubey.

Best boi.

-`very valid victon-moments to begin with´-

- because its pride: 🌈

- general victon-feelsies: 🌸

- for bad mood: ☀️

- moments when you want to question their sanity: 🌻 🌼 🌺 🌹

- victon being talented on studio CHOOM

- victon being talented whilst covering kehlanis "Gangsta"

alright that was long. and yes they are exactly as loud and noisy and annoying and time consuming as they seem but they are also best boys who can bring very much happiness into ones life, so they are very much worth it

#ryu tag💎#victon my beloved #victon #lim sejun #seungwoo #han seungwoo #hanse #do hanse #heo chan #kpop #subin #jung subin #byungchan #like I have 83479803h of material I can also show u #including like every comfort/mental support video #just say the word

36 notes · View notes

spade-riddles · 3 years

Text

"Adjusting Expectations" Post

This submission received a lot of responses and 120 notes, so I thought I would compile the comments here.

Anonymous said:

Adjusting expectations anon was so good. If their timetables are right and we do just need to be patient a little longer, can Kaylor please send us a sign? I guess it would be too loud to slip "adjusting expectations" into social media posts, but maybe they could both do something with playing cards? To show they are card sharks right now but they'll find their way home eventually? That would reassure people. And it would fly under the radar.

casuallycruel131313 said:

I agree with a lot of this but I think the main issue right now is that moral and ethical lines have been crossed and there's no coming back from that. In these post-Trumpian insurrectionist times it's unfathomable that they could continue the Kushner narrative I no longer care if or when they come out, I enjoy the music and I'm happy to observe from a distance because I'm interested from a PR/marketing point of view but my opinion of T &K as people has changed irrevocably and I don't see how they can clean the tarnish off.

@theprologues said:

Agree with most of not all if this but I would like to say as a Kaylor the toe Grammy stunt didn’t phase me. I was not crushed by that by any means. I just shrugged and honestly expected it. It was the attributing Betty and exile to him during the LPSS in November that bummed me out and really made me go...really?

rockcrow20 said:

Have to say I also agree with most of this.

I no longer have any expectations on anything changing any time soon and have not been surprised by the recent events its to be expected after everything over the years really

Nothing has really changed (bearding narrative wise) since I fell down the rabbit hole in 2017 (except that great night in nashville 2018 rep)

Honestly I can't say I am as invested anymore about them ever coming out as I was.

I think the wb/Joe thing was the last moment for me and the continual kushner connection just troubles me like many others.

I mean my kaylor motto for awhile now has been hope for the best but expect disappointment.

Low expectations = limited feelings of disappointment.

original-cypher said:

@rockcrow20 the WB was a breaking point for so many. You are absolutely right. There are just so ma'y contradictions that feel like absolute whiplash. (I know I seem to have been the only one experiencing that with Gorgeous but... that was a big one for me, too) But like. You go on a whole PR campaign about speaking up and standing up for yourself. You say you're capable and tired of men trying to take ownership of your success and profit off of your name. And you credit you literal damn work to a bloke? Bitch, 'consistency'? Look it up. It grossed me out. It would have felt iffy if I believed they were real. But since I wasn't born yesterday it just sent me the message "this is how far I'm willing to sacrifice my principles to not be queer".

rockcrow20 said:

@original-cypher exactly why it bothered me and I know alot us so much. Such mixed messaging of being a strong fighting for your rights female and then oh hey let me attribute some of my best work to my pr boyfriend and the pr pics where she is walking behind all the time like 🙄 The Betty thing that was big one for me too!

rainbowdaisy13 said:

This write up and the comments are spot on. I don’t have much to add other than like @original-cypher said, Miss Americana is tainted for me now and seems like at the very least, it was released too soon in the plan. I get we think they have had to pivot but man, that doc, and including her literally saying “gay rights make me me” at the end was such a false flag. To see her wax poetic about not taking shit from men anymore and then see her do the same old hetero weak woman song and dance routine with the WB shit for albums that are of her genius mind has been so disappointing. I still believe Kaylor is real and I hope they get a chance to show the world that. Karlie posting that cardigan pic in the woods before the folklore release cemented for me they are still together. Adding a baby makes me feel all kind of weird ethical things but I hope I live long enough to see it play out and wear my I Told You So shirt 😁

@kellykaylor said:

agree with your post... I dont care about toe stunts but what really pissed me of was hetwashing betty 🤮! beautiful post tho anon!!

roameroo said:

Totally agree with these all comments especially the strong messaging of MA only to turn around & pull that WB = my "bf" crap. I was disheartened by her mentioning him at the Grammy's only bc he's getting credit for sh*t he doesn't/didn't do. That is what irks me the most about this, giving him credit for her life's work.

always-the-last-word said:

Can I throw my pennies in the pool ?? Taylor will put out the big three first Fearless, RED then 1989 that should bring us to about August. This is where the excitement should begin. If Taylor preps and waits for National Coming Out day it's a no lose for her. Lover her money making machine will go through the roof !! If things go bad or good in the public eye she'll have REPUTATION Taylor's Version ready to release. It will be epic and she'll own it and be FREE.

@karlie-what-you-want said:

always-the-last-word I like this take a lot! I try not to be too optimistic but if she wanted to come out sooner rather than later, I think this plan would satisfy both business and PR needs (at least on Taylor’s end). Remains to be seen how Tay will help Karlie dig her way out of the mess they made together regarding the K*shners.

always-the-last-word said:

Always remember that Taylor has a PLAN. Some of her plans are year's old (easter eggs). Taylor's one and only LOVE is her music, everything else comes second. If KK wants to change and be with her full time she'll make moves around the same time frame. That's if she chooses to. In any event Tay will be open and own all her music. I've seen this film before and WE might not like the ending.

chosetherose said:

I’ve been going back and forth for a day trying to figure out what I wanted to say when I reblogged this post. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I understand I’m owed nothing by Taylor or Karlie. I understand that circumstances out of their control have caused the girls to pivot over and over again.

But, the root of my frustration in the past months stems not from me battling with the trivial (e.g. pap walks, etc.) but with my personal principles. I fiercely believe credit should be given where it is earned and I uphold this in my career regularly. To see Taylor crediting Toe with her art was deeply disappointing. Watch the 1989 and folklore acceptance speeches back to back and tell me it doesn’t upset you. I believe the K******s have blood on their hands and that their actions during the pandemic have killed people. To see Karlie still associating with one of them disgusts me.

I can’t help but think back in frustration - Would you really fall from grace to touch her face? (And in the brilliant words of @9w1ft) But would you die for her in public? I go back and forth feeling like questions like this aren’t fair at all and thinking they are sort of valid. At this point, it sort of feels like Taylor would only fall from grace for her lover if all the stars and facets of her life aligned perfectly. But perfection like this does not happen. Such is life. So why am I here?

I do question why Spade left certain messages in their final days. I am still holding hope a fervent revolution exonerates everyone. I so desperately want Taylor to regain control of her masters or re-records. Maybe this is the plan they thought was best with multiple goals in mind (re-records, having a family, coming out of the closet one day etc). I’m trying to remain patient because Spade told us to trust her endless yearning. But WOW it is asking a lot of us at this point.

Anonymous said:

Despite being a pragmatist kaylor and oftentimes getting into arguments with fellow optimistic kaylors (owner of this blog included) I think it's quite unfair -at this point- to say to the optimists who have patiently sat through the worst kind of stunts with the most terrible kind of people (yes I'm talking about the Kushner's friend group too) that they should have seen it coming. Besides, if it weren't for the optimists we the cynicals would have burned this fandom down by now.

Anonymous said:

Even if we ignore that an insurrection happened partially because of the family karlie's still working for and getting paid from, she literally said before the pregnancy debacle unfolded that j*sh was her last client while talking about cutting hair and doing a cutting gesture. How should we have interpreted that? 😤That a year later she would be more stuck with the Kushners than ever? We don't wake up on day and decide to have unrealistic expectations. She feeds into them. 😠

Anonymous said:

I have no expectation of Taylor coming out anymore. Zero. None. I have no expectation of her dropping Toe or even of Kaylor publicly reuniting. It doesn't even matter that much anymore. But I - do - expect 1 thing. Karlie to drop and completely dissociate herself from the Kushners and this has nothing to do with kaylor. It was everything to do with me being unable to support a person who willfully assists (now using her baby too) and receives money from a family that has made so many suffer.

Anonymous said:

A quick word from an ex-kaylor (who will never become an anti). A year ago, when the Trumps were still in power and untouchable and there was no baby, I was excusing and turning a blind eye to many things Karlie did for the K*shners. Even that dinner in September. I had also made peace with the truth never being revealed. But a year later the Trumps are gone, Karlie is still on full stunting mode now with a baby in the mix, a baby that is already being used by the Kushners, and I've really run out of excuses. Now the only thing that could possibly keep me on board is if I knew there was a good chance that the full truth would come out, so that Karlie's inexplicable and honestly borderline immoral actions could eventually make sense. But as your sub said, this is an unrealistic expectation, thus I became an ex-kaylor and I'm not planning to come back even when they reunite. 😕

Anonymous said:

What baffles me is that Taylor has explicitly expressed her regret about not giving her lover the credit she deserves and her doubt whether fame is worth hiding her true love: "when I walked up to the podium, I think I forgot to say your name", "what's a lifetime of achievement, if I pushed you to the edge". But yet again she didn't do anything to change this. I didn't expect her to acknowledge Karlie, but a nod or at least not falsely crediting her beard would be a good start.

Anonymous said:

1🙁 Let me chime in re: "expectations". I'm one of the kaylors who ever since the pregnancy reveal was trying to tell everyone there's NO way she was gonna dump him soon after birth let alone before that. It would bring too much unnecessary attention and Jerk would have never agreed to something that would make him look like a bad guy/husband. For the exact same reasons, I was also saying there's no way he wasn't going to post about the baby. All the above against the popular opinion back then.

2🙁 So I agree that the day of the birth post was known to T, not the timing though. Simply bc Kushner-leaning outlets made sure to note that detail. If they wanted it to go unnoticed, why draw attention to it? That being said, kaylors would have been more patient with this mess, if Karlie hadn't gone overboard with her freedom "smoke signals" last summer and Tay's "insiders" hadn't been insinuating that the end is VERY near. Both of them SHOULD have known by then how we would react to these.

3🙁 So it's natural that everyone feels played and has no patience for any more bullshit. Another sore point is how Jerk AND the Kushner-Trump klan monopolize the baby news. This isn't just to make it realistic, it's an abuse of Kaylor's baby's name to garner good pr for the worst family in America, with Karlie's blessing. In order for her marriage and split to appear realistic she's putting a LIFETIME burden on her child's back. Unless you believe she's eventually gonna say Jerk isn't the dad.

4🙁 So "we’re in a position we should realistically have been able to see coming". But we did see it coming, that why some made these extreme scenarios, bc this is the worst possible outcome. "Good people try to make it work, even in bad relationships." Ultimately this isn't just a "bad rs". It's a horrific association that should have been resolved ages ago, not one to bring your child into, doom it to suffer a similar fate, and expect people to sit idly and watch. That's what frustrates most.

29 notes · View notes

luvargas · 3 years

Photo

i think i just saw LUCILA “ LU ” VARGAS ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all , CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLE was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear she’s a PERSONAL TRAINER . but she totally could have been on her way to SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its her when you see LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER , AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . let’s just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get her !

( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own. the name’s katya, 21, she/her pronouns & im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 u ! x — oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysm ! )

BASICS

24 years old

15 april 1997

5′1″ or 1.55m tall

bisexual cis woman, she/her

aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising

love languages : quality time & acts of service

BIO POINTS

kid o’ divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma !

def a daddys gorl. so used to her white pop’s leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergo * cue her rebel grrrl phase *

did not finish hs ! left senior yr 2 to go w her “ radically progressive ” college bf to [ insert dev country. ] they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs

seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !

lu’s back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !

her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so he implored her to get certified as a personal trainer ! n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilà ! ur hired.

LU AT WORK

shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now. most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their back

unless she got clients, catch her runnin’ about the club n minglin’ w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity

actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments

PERSONALITY

passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heart’s in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 lu’s sake

fun, fun, fun ! can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man ! get rowdy go crazy

fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff. also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist. shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu

loyal legend ! fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception ! truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps ppl

here’s a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character

TIDBITS

lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh

she doesn’t believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef

pls dont fact check her she cant hear u

probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan

prefers 2 be called “ lu ” n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 her

comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief

watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc

dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but here’s a lil attempt ig

she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club

her mom’s middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing

she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig

she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ? is she ok ? honestly who knows

WANTED CONNECTIONS / TAKEN CONNECTIONS

found family ! pals n squad wanted. y’all gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfold !

carpool buds ? cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funny

homies to smoochies ! just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that

smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live

an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there

crushes ! this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble

debate club ! aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy

clients ! self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out !

( im officially braindead now but if y’all got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!! down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 )

#highlandsintro

10 notes · View notes

nuria-schnee · 4 years

Text

HEY THERE DEMISEXUALS, IT'S ME, YA GIRL

Hey, it's Ace Awareness Week so... I thought, why not talking about my experience? I don't see enough demisexuals sharing stories and, really, it's fine. But it would've been very helpful for me a few years ago if I had read some, so, if my story helps someone, it'll be worth it.

So, let's start. It's quite a ride.

Right, so... Looking back now, I think the first time I realised something was up with me was when I was 12. I was starting high school and, suddenly, one day, I realised I was attracted to my best friend. And I was like *ALARM*, because she was a girl and that was enough of a crisis for me then. So, I thought, maybe I like girls? And, for my life, I couldn't accept that. So I forced myself to date a guy who asked me out one year later. It lasted one month. Didn't end up well. Kissing was fine some times but bah.

Things that happened too that year: I tried watching porn. My honest reaction? I laughed. I laughed hard. I didn't find it arousing at all. I found it ridiculous. Also, I started masturbating which was 10/10. But no porn. Kind of repulsed me even, after the first experience.

(Brief note about me, for context's sake: I'm very sexual. I always fancied the idea of sex. I even had kind of crushes with people but not the way most people had. So, problem? If you're reading this, you probably know which is.)

Anyway, after that year, I thought that maybe I truly liked girls but... I hadn't been attracted by anyone else but her.

I kept dismissing this feeling, trying to convince myself I was perfectly straight, just... Maybe... Prude? I had a couple more of opportunities with guys after that first bf and I... Couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to even kiss them for a while. I didn't feel anything.

When I was 15 I was in a very bad place mentally, very low self esteem, thought no one would ever want me. A guy popped up and I dived into a relationship with him like a dumbass. It lasted a year and a half. If you are triggered by sex issues maybe you want to skip to the next paragraph, it wasn't pretty and he was a huge dick. Thing is, he was older, wasn't caring at all, and kind of forced me into things. I don't think I liked one single time we had sex. It was kind of awful but I felt guilty and when I was that age the no is no movement hadn't reached our lives yet. Well, it left me with a bunch of traumas, which included a bit of vaginitis.

I had another bf after that. Wasn't so awful, sex, cause he was a nice guy and I thought I still didn't feel how I had to because I was a little traumatized.

And, then, I met HIM.

We were 16, in the same class. We grew close, ended up being great friends. And, hey, my dudes, this girl fell head over heels, in love, hard. And OH OH THERE COMES THE ATTRACTION.

It was crushing, the sensation. I went crazy inside sometimes, when he was close. Also, I had the luck that he had fallen for me too.

It's been almost six years and, let me tell you, the sensation just grows. It gets bigger as fast as the love grows. But, well, maybe it's because he's the love of my life and all and I'm just absolutely crazy about him. The love is strong here.

Even so, I didn't discover I was demipansexual since two years ago. And it's been quite a ride. I'm gonna make a list, more organized.

Trauma time baby: well, the consequences of that fucked up relationship caught me, in the end. I had a fit (and I know it's stupid) over not liking porn, of not understanding why I couldn't say a thing whenever someone asked me who would I fuck if I could, why I felt uncomfortable if my friend talked about hook-ups, why my bf could say or like those things (did it mean we loved differently?). It was a bad year, when all this plagued me. I was in the middle of a crisis with everything in my life and this was one of the things. Why I was different? I felt prude and meek. I felt if I was just repressed and didn't want to accept it. I felt wrong and cried over it a lot. I was 20, then.

Demisexuality term pops up: I don't know where I first saw it, but I remember searching it and being like hmmmmm. And then, the moment™: I searched 'am I demisexual test'. Which, my friends, we all know that you don't need the results, if you search this. It's water clear. Whatever, I saw the light, but I still didn't dare to call myself demisexual. Not because I wasn't sure, deep inside, just because I had certain doubts and nobody to compare myself with.

Doubts: I felt too sexual (still detaching from thinking myself prude, back then, still thinking I was repressed), I had crushes on fictional characters, could fancy them (it was quite a discovering to know the brain can't make distinction between real and fictional people; if you get attached, attraction can come too) (btw, I was really embarrassed by this one), I thought maybe I was still traumatized and that it was a matter of trust and not lack of attraction, and I'd had other relationships, not loved them, and sometimes liked the sex. So, I doubted. The resulution of those doubts, Demisexual. Demisexual as fuck. None of that mattered. None of that invalidated me. But it took long to realise.

Demipan epiphany: Remember I said I was attracted to my girl best friend? Well, after noticing it had happened a few more times in my life (not as strong as with my boo, even so) I thought, maybe I'm biromantic? But then I realised I didn't give a damn about if my boyfriend was a man or whatever. I loved him. He could come out as trans tomorrow and I would still be head over heels for them. So, demipansexual here.

BONUS - Writing epiphany: One of the things that helped me realise and clear my relationship with sex was how I write smut. And the kind of smut I read. AND what moves me while reading sex scenes. Yeah. Basically (and what a surprise, really), FEELINGS. I don't really feel much if it's just body parts and fluids and all that. But if there's a lot of feelings, you have me there. (Craving representation in media? Maybe. Probably. Yes.)

So, briefly, this is all.

Now, just so you know, I still have days when I feel lonely and I doubt myself. We all struggle. Actually, I've come out to just two persons and real life. No one in my house knows, mainly because I still don't know how I'm gonna explain this. But I'm not closeted anymore. (I’m sure I'm gonna here but that's what happens to everyone and I'm gonna be like NO). I have the love of my life and my friends who are incredibly supportive, so, it's alright.

So, my dear ace friends, wherever you are, however you identify, no matter if you're closeted or not or doubting or totally sure, know that you're not alone. And that you're cool. And that you're VALID.

Love to all of you. Stay safe.

#ace awareness week #ace week 2020 #Ace #Demisexuality #demipansexual #asexuality #Grey umbrella #Such a long post omg #Sorry #tw: sex mention #tw: trauma

9 notes · View notes

jaeminlore · 4 years

Note

i'm not as old as you are, but i feel the exact same way about relationships. i've even wondered if i'm aro because i've never had a crush on someone. if i ever get "fixated" (i prefer calling it that than crushing because i've never felt the typical crush feelings) it either doesn't last long or i'm projecting my idea of an ideal person onto them when i know that's not who they really are. just like you said, i love love. i love reading fluff, romance, and all that jazz, but i + (pt. 1)

but i haven't felt it myself. in terms of familial and platonic love, i love my friends and family deeply. it's not like i have a problem with love and/or affection, because i remind my loved ones that i love them all the time and kiss them on the cheek and hug them. i've just never felt anything past that. whenever i read romance novels, i'm reminded that i've never had that & it just makes me feel,,, weird? lost? even when i look into the future, i can't see anyone else in + i literally forgot what i just said. i have a goldfish brain. what i'm trying to say is that i totally relate to what you were saying. even the few times i've thought up romantic "fantasies", i've never kissed anyone or labelled our relationship. i want to love someone, i really do, but i just can't. calling myself an aro best fits what i feel right now, but i feel like it also restricts me at the same time. what you said really just described what i feel.

it’s insane to be able to actually write down my feelings and be understood dude. i feel so validated genuinely that some of you get what i’m feeling bc i have no one to talk to about this

yes!! i think it’s so interesting that like you said, i know what romance looks like and seems like but i don’t feel it personally... and growing up it’s always been so normal for me i just never looked into why i was always able to choose my crushes or why they were more platonic if i didn’t choose them, or why it’s hard for me to read books after the couple officially get together, or why i hate the idea of marriage in a romantic sense but love it in a friendship sense,, or why i think “choosing” to be in love is more romantic,,,,, it’s INSANE i feel dumb because i’m 20 years old and i’ve always known arospec identities existed but i thought it couldn’t be me because i love romance and i want a bf.... i’m still coming to terms with the fact that wanting a romantic relationship and actually feeling romantic attraction are two very different things

#my friend read my poetry book and he said one of the things he liked most was how honest and open i was about my feelings and i was like...#theyre all fake my guy... i see an attrative person or one of my friends and i romanticize them 1) bc im a pisces and 2) bc i dont actually #love anyone

11 notes · View notes

penzyroamin · 4 years

Note

You seem really sweet and trustworthy so I thought I’d just talk about how I’m feeling: basically for awhile I’ve thought I might be bi, but I rarely have crushes in general. I’ve had one bf (I’m a girl) but I think I also like girls. I know labels aren’t important, but I just want to know for sure you know? Like I think it’d be nice to date a girl. I feel good with the label of bi, but what if I’m actually not? I know it doesn’t matter if it changes but idk. Sry for the rambling

thank you for trusting me with this!!! i’m not bi so i don’t have a full understanding of your scenario here but i will try and help out a little bit because i like to do that! one-- i know you understand that it’s okay if your label changes, but a) it absolutely is, just for you to hear it from another person, and b) it’s okay if your label IS important to you. for all that we know that sexuality is a nebulous, fluid thing, your label being important to you is totally valid! it’s okay to be impatient and just want to figure it out! i sure fucking was, and guess what? my label is important to me! that’s OKAY, it’s okay that you want to know! if it changes, so be it, but it’s okay to want for it to be concrete.

this got.. really long so the rest is under the read more cut fhsjhds

two-- if you think you’re bi, if you like the idea of dating a girl, if you feel good with the label, then there you go! i think when we all reach comfort with our sexuality and gender and presentation and our labels and all that is really determined by who you are and a lot of other factors; however, i think when we’re young it’s just naturally hard to figure out, especially when we don’t have “concrete evidence”. i think what’s really helped me with figuring out my sexuality with a (VERY) small amount of experience is really that sexuality isn’t some kind of fucking scientific theory that is supposed to be proven and disproven and questioned and should have a million different thoughts from other people on it. it’s not gravity, we don’t have to put this in a scientific journal. sexuality is not made by experience, it’s made by feeling. if you’re bi and you never kiss or date a girl your entire life, you’re still bi! you haven’t proven yourself wrong or something like that, because you don’t need solid physical proof you can point to. not having a bunch of crushes makes that harder to figure out for yourself sometimes, but it’ll come.

three, and i recognize this is getting super long so i’m sorry for that i just want to make sure i’m addressing everything i mean to-- something that helps me a lot is finding media, ESPECIALLY fiction, about all lgbtq+ characters, but since i’m gay, specifically lesbians. if you want, message me or send another ask and i can put together a list of some great books, tv shows, movies, etc. with bi characters, specifically bi girls and women in them!

anyways. this is really long but i hope some if it helped! things are gonna roll as they will, and it’s okay to both let it be and let your knowledge of yourself develop while also wanting to know more and letting your label be as important as it is to you. if you ever send a follow-up ask.. you should probably clarify whether you’re willing to read a super long response like this again i’m so sorry fhsjdhsjhds.. i love u! thank you for trusting me with this i have faith in you and whatever conclusion you reach and label you take on, whether you decide that you’re into girls or not, appreciate your journey regardless!!!

#ask #anon #anyways.. ily im sorry this is so long #also if any bi folks want to correct anything or add on go for it! yall definitely have more ground here than i do

2 notes · View notes

sarasfm · 4 years

Text

Sarauniya “ Sara ” Davies, 24, pansexual, cisfemale, ISFP Enneagram 9w1; Pisces sun, Sagittarius moon, Pisces rising 1st year Advanced Encryption Major; did not go to a spy prep hs

Imma keep it real with you, chief, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. I mean, obviously, I know what espionage is ; I’ve read books and articles, and I’ve seen Spy Kids and all the Charlies Angels and James Bond movies, but I genuinely think I need a minute to wrap my head around everything. Make that two weeks, because what’s this I hear about two murders ? I literally just got sent here to be safe, I — I’m sorry, I’m freaking out. Give me five seconds, and we can start again, because I promise I can totally pretend this is all normal. @gallagherintro

full name: sarauniya “ sara ” davies

dormitory room: 105

birthday: 20 march 1995

soundtrack: “ go gina ” by sza

favorite dish: efo riro

aesthetic: when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of light reflecting from her earrings, eyeglasses perched on top of her head, and a caviar iphone always in her hands

Bio Points

her mom’s a nigerian baddie billionaire & her dad’s a soft academic brit

she grew up between london and abuja where their family’s business is based. it’s a trading enterprise, the largest industrial conglomerate in sub-saharan africa

she’s the eldest of three siblings, was raised to be prim & proper and groomed to run their family’s business. her family’s not pushy though and they’re really cool. very healthy dynamic so she doesn’t mind ; she loves her fam and would do it w a smile !

Coding is her Passion though. total dork. stayed up all the time just sleuthing and being an internet geek since she was a youngin’

loves education and is the type who would willingly stay in school to learn. has a degree in economics from harvard and was almost done with her mba when her littlest sister got abducted ! was it about business ? money ? who knows ! the sister’s fine now but her family sure is Scared especially since sara’s alone in the big bad united states

her mom made some calls and went “ gimbiya, look, u aint safe n we sorry. we’ll work something out to make sure u get ur mba degree somehow but shit is wild so we gotta get u somewhere near that’s safe asap. u like studying & ur a geek with computers right ? cool beans, go back to school & welcome to gallagher, babe ”

she enters gallagher in the middle of the spring semester very overwhelmed & inwardly ignoring how unhappy she is about having to be here bc she is not & does not want to be a spy. she just tryna distract herself by looking at this entire thing as a weird vacation where she can do stuff she wasn’t able to before because it’s literally detached from the world. she is mostly probably in way over her head, but let’s see !

Other Information

Nicknames: Sara (to everyone), gimbiya (to family, means princess in Hausa)

Languages: English (native), Hausa (native), Arabic (C1), French (B2)

Strengths: is money a strength ? also coding. and being the sweetest. and a general smartypants but that’s in a university setting & gallagher probably doesnt give a fuck

Relationship History: only has one (1) experience. ( well,,, 2 if a three-second drunken kiss w kass counts ) his name’s royce and they’ve known each other since their bougie secondary school back in britain. started dating at sixteen and went to harvard together. they’re long term as fuck. he’s like her best friend and their families adore the couple & each other. got engaged last september and sara broke it off before leaving for gallagher, oof. she deadass milked the opportunity but lbr she wasnt rlly Feeling It so she’s kinda glad for the ‘valid reason’ to appear bc it rlly wasn’t Love for sara so boy bye

Physical appearance: 1.76m, 55kg, long black hair, slim and toned build

Classes: GEN 105, GEN 206, AE 101, AT 101, PE 101

Personality

the sweetest. v charming & sensitive to others & curious about things. enthusiastic too ! loves adventures & is very passionate. queen of empathy.

she’s not stuck up even tho she loaded. she doesnt rlly talk abt her family having 12B or the fact that she’s an ivy league girl, bc she’s just generally very uwu

easily stressed and flustered and overwhelmed ! man, gallagher’s gonna shook this goddamn academic dork to her core for the love of god someone pls get the aed ready

rlly fun !!! can be a lil unpredictable bc it b lyk dat for rich girls. loves her independence which she hasn’t maximized bc of her ex fiancé & responsibilities but it’s chill so chill totally chill, no ounce of further longing exists in the crevices of this girl’s heart

she is so not good with confrontation and is so allergic to conflict ok. she will sweep discomfort under a rug and lie on it ‘til it’s flat which makes her a queen of repression & conforming

is she easily overwhelmed & stressed ? yes, but she’ll try not to show it so much. it’s all mostly an internal monologue so don’t underestimate her pls. she’s v smart and competent. can be so competitive ( albeit mostly inwardly ) and a boss ass business bitch like her business momma bc that’s what she’s been training for altho she is still generally a soft bab so ... yeah, if u would be so kind as to Estimate her, that’d be grand

she needs to always be on top of her game. maybe not the best in the class, but definitely pushes herself to be her best, so a lot of late nights studying & won’t settle for bad grades ever. gonna be rough in gallagher bc she is not spy material ok, she’s just a pretty rich geek behind a computer

just imagine her as the nice girl in ur ap classes who’s a lil awkward & just so happens to be super hot & stinking rich

Fun Facts

has a six-month old rescue pup named sooty ! who kinda looks like a sheparnese

has a tendency to ramble if she’s comfy w u enough or mayhaps if it’s too much man

is v diligent w keeping a journal & does it everyday

likes to dance ! not super good but she likes it. hits da clubs for dat shit

is a lil instagram famous bc she’s a gorgeous rich harvard girl & all that jazz. queen of selfies & of looking hot but doesn’t actually get to play around rip ffff

doesn’t drink much bc she is an extreme lightweight and 2 is her tap out limit

if she’s had more than 2 drinks, she is Very Honest but still very ramble-y

she is physically active but mostly just runs and does yoga. knows very basic self-defense. is not sporty, definitely not a fighter, may god have mercy on her soul

isnt a virgin but is not sexually experienced lmao lbr she kinda Itching to get out there

don’t ask me what her accent is because i have no clue it’s all over the place

Established Connections — just bc i think y’all would like to know

kassandra sutton — internet friends ! loves kass to bits. have known each other since sara was 14. when kass was 18, sara took her on a grad trip to montreal and became a lil lowkey into her. doesn’t help that kass drunk kissed her & doesn’t remember lmfao. poor sara told her then-bf & they had a lil fight but they made up bc sara didn’t talk to kass for months. eventually they became friends again & now sara’s in gallagher w no idea that kass is a mf sutton & honestly, my girl is just very shook w everything

Possible Connections

crushes — she does not know how to flirt. she is ,,,, p pathetic tbh but a real heckin cutie. will be super nice to ur bab ok

flirtationships — sara and i r gonna continue to keep it real w u chieves, her ex fiancé royce was vanilla and bland as fuck. can u believe she has not been single in a decade ? ? someone give her love & attention & fluster this soft innocent child. get her Experienced but also dont hurt her

enemies/angst !!! — or maybe do ! maybe hurt her. maybe obliterate her. maybe smash her poor heart to pieces, because tbh i would love that. so someone pls for the love all things holy and divine, someone hurt her !!!!

fwb — probably just one (1) bc she’s still a romantic ? and she’s probably gonna want something exclusive even if it’s no strings attached and will surely want to ,.,. get to know them a little bit more first ,,, at least ideally , idk , maybe impulse & thirst gets the better of her one of these days who knows lets find out !

friends !!! — sara will love u ok. she may be a lil easily flustered but she’s doesn’t rlly give up on ppl quickly. as i’ve said, queen of empathy. probs feels v sorry for majority of the gallagher & georgetown kids bc, .,.,., this environment just screams highkey Trauma to her and she’s valid bc she’s right

mentors !!! — she hates feeling dumb ok she Always has to be on top of her game, so u can bet ur ass after her first meetings in her classes she goes to ppl going “ hey could u help me out w working out ? boxing ? firing a gun ? literally everything & anything ? ”

anything & everything — meaning just come @ me & let’s talk about it uwu

( did i just create georgina’s antithesis ? fuck yes, and i am sooo excited to have a child that’s not always plotting & scheming & being mean like y’all have no idea ;_; nywy, that was long bc shutting up and brevity are things i do not possess. whats up it’s ur og flower garden girl rose here aka bugleweed aka fiancée of many and lover of all, and i am open to anything and everything ! just drop an IM or hit dat like & ill slide in ur dmz w love, plots & sanitized hands x )

#gallagher:intro

3 notes · View notes

angelofthequeers · 6 years

Text

Frozer thoughts

Hoo boy, I’m glad we got a two for one because this episode was soooo much more satisfying for me than ‘Malediktator’. Time for out-of-order bullet points and then my longer thoughts!

• We all knew that reveal was just a fantasy of Adrien’s but it was the Marinette fantasy at the end that got me 😂

• PLAGG’S SAD FACE BROKE ME HE DOES CARE ABOUT ADRIEN D:

• UM EXCUSE ME DO NOT THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE HOW YOU SPECIFICALLY SHOWED ROSE AND JULEKA TOGETHER WHEN PANNING AROUND THE COUPLES IN THE SCHOOL

• No but Rose and Juleka are a happy lesbian couple and I refuse to believe otherwise now T H I S I S P R O O F

• And Rose is totally bi because Prince Ali 💗💜💙

• “And I might have a brand new song to write.” AND IT IS HERE THAT I DIED

• The Gorilla is absolutely fantastic. If I had any doubts before that he truly loves Adrien, they’re now gone.

• “You’re supposed to be in love with Ladybug and now you’re ditching Kagami to go after Marinette?” Plagg you troll don’t act like you don’t know

• “She’s just a friend!” NO JOKE I SCREECHED LIKE A PTERODACTYL AND MY FAMILY IGNORED ME NOT LIKE IT’S NOT MY NORMAL PERSONALITY ANYWAY

• Don’t think I didn’t notice your jealousy Adrien even if you don’t know it yet

• “I don’t know a thing about human girls but whenever I meet a beautiful Camembert, I introduce myself! “Hello Camembert, I’m Plagg! So very nice to EAT you!” P L A G G 😂

• The ice costumes were gooorrrgeous

• Marinette having to choose between Luka and Adrien and then having Kagami sweep in and pull her up and whisper to her is a total lesbian power move and I refuse to believe otherwise thank you very much

• I really do love how Marinette’s friend group has expanded to include Rose, Juleka, Mylène and Alix because it feels like a subversion of the trope where the hero only gets one or two friends (“Tell him you’d already promised to hang with your bfs” I love you Alix you are Officially one of Marinette’s bfs)

And now for my long ass speech!

This episode was one of my favourites purely because of the emotional growth in it. We were already TOLD that Kagami and Luka were introduced to push Adrien and Marinette to grow, but being told that and actually seeing it are two very different things. There was a LOT of growth from Marinette, especially when she admitted in a roundabout way that she WAS jealous (which is never an easy thing to admit bby ❤️) and I LOVED it.

“Adrien really needs me and if he wants my advice then why not?”

“I always stumble my words around him. So how could I even manage going out on a date? I think we’re actually just meant to be friends. Whenever I talk to him as a friend, I hardly stammer at all.”

Oh, Marinette ❤️ THIS was the Marinette arc I’ve wanted all season. See what happens when y’all let her grow, writers?

No but seriously, Marinette did a lot of growing up in this episode and I ended up loving her even more. This more than anything cemented that she’s not just an Adrien fangirl, but that she’s legitimately in love with him. If she was just a crushing fangirl, there’s NO way she would’ve even voiced the idea of them just being friends. But Marinette voicing OUT LOUD that the platonic dynamic between her and Adrien works and she genuinely does value him as a friend is, like, exactly the evidence we needed that she really does love him and is willing to try and push her feelings aside to be there for him as his friend. (I said TRY, she still stumbled and slipped and got upset but she IS a 14 y.o. who’s navigating her first crush).

This level of maturity is something I don’t think I’ve seen in most other TV shows or books or any other media. So much of contemporary society is fixated with romantic love and your soulmate and pushing two people together, and seeing Marinette say ‘hey, no, platonic love and my friendship with Adrien is just as important’ is just...y’all have no idea how happy it makes my aromantic heart. I still hugely ship Adrinette and overall I’m glad that they’ll eventually end up together, but seeing someone validate the importance of friendship is utterly invaluable in today’s romance-obsessed age. So I better not see any more ‘stalker Marinette is obsessed with her crush’ because that’s NOT the case. She deeply loves him and she concludes that even if they remain platonic, her love for him isn’t lessened. The closest I’ve come to seeing this is Ginny Weasley choosing not to wait for Harry, but the impact there is lessened because there was barely any interaction between her and Harry until Harry started crushing on her. Here? It’s two main characters and I really do hope the writers don’t go back on this and that they allow the romance to bloom organically, because now I really CAN see Adrinette growing from this established close friendship. They’ve sown the seeds, now they just need to let them grow. Watching Marinette in S1 as opposed to S2 is just an absolute treat and I really hope they top S2 because it can only go up.

PLUS they also kept it real by having Marinette be upset at the ice rink even though she swore to be Adrien’s friend, because it would’ve been completely unrealistic for her to just shrug (“You have to let her fall!” Oh Marinette 😂😂😂). She really felt like a 14 y.o. struggling with jealousy and crushes, but in a completely non-toxic way. See writers I knew you could be amazing if you put your mind to it!

I also really enjoyed Kagami and Luka independent of their intended purposes. So much media these days introduces characters purely for the sake of drama and these characters are never more than cardboard cut-outs with no personality and no purpose outside of the love drama. But Kagami and Luka? I could quite easily grasp their personalities. I could feel Kagami’s ambition and hard sympathy manifesting in the attitude of ‘get your ass up and just do the thing and stop hesitating’. I could feel how emotional Luka was through his music, putting Marinette’s emotions into notes to help her realise them, and how he genuinely DID believe that Marinette deserved the best and he wasn’t just saying that line for drama. And he didn’t say that he was better than Adrien or insult Adrien outside of saying that Marinette deserved better, which I really did appreciate. He was a thoroughly non-toxic representation of what to do when your crush isn’t into you, and I am LIVING for this.

Kagami and Luka really ARE necessary to push Marinette and Adrien to grow. Kagami understands Adrien in a way that no one else can. She’s also the one person who’ll actually speak bluntly to him and call him out on shit, whereas Chloé fawns over him and Marinette stumbles and Adrien’s other friends can’t come at him from the same angle due to their barrier of rich loneliness. Sure, Nino’s his best friend, but Nino’s not rich and doesn’t have those expectations of perfection on him, whereas Kagami does and so she can GET Adrien.

And as for Luka? Marinette struggles with her emotions. She finally put them into words this episode, but it’s taken her THIS long to do so. I strongly believe that Marinette is autistic like me, because we both struggle to properly articulate our feelings in words and it can take legit ages to really sort out how we’re feeling and then process it. Sure, Marinette knew she had a crush, but it’s taken her this long to see the nuance and depth of it and organise how she would feel and react if Adrien rejected her outright, and Luka coming in to help her sort through these feelings without pushing her to talk about them was just...perfect. And the way he put her emotions into music is exactly how I feel a lot of the time - I can’t do words, but I can do more abstract things to get them across. Luka was needed to help Marinette grow into her self-confidence and help her sort out her feelings without being under pressure (like how Alya and the other girls immediately dogpiled her), and I really do hope they stay good friends and plus I kinda ship Lukanette now as well whooooops

So in conclusion? This episode was absolutely amazing and I very much enjoyed picking it apart. This isn’t even everything I could’ve talked about but it’s what stuck out to me most and proved that this show can really be great ❤️

#miraculous ladybug #ml season 2 spoilers #frozer #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #kagami tsurugi #luka couffaine #my thoughts #i got carried away whoops lol #autistic marinette #autistic headcanon #adrinette #lukanette

251 notes · View notes

allofmycrushes · 5 years

Text

Bananafish ending pt1

Are we still treating Banana Fish ending like the only possible one with Ash being better off dead instead of a forced cliché emo sob story it was? It was most disappointing I as far as story resolutions go. It felt so disjointed from the plot like starting a new arc after neatly finishing the plot just to end it in the first act with an easy and abrupt death of the main hero. It managed to spoil and finally sour things, with a sloppy writing on top, not any close to satisfying and the characters didn't deserve to go through all of this for nothing. Ash character especially, for him it reversed his growth, it nullified everything he fought so hard for. Could we at least stop convincing ourselves it was so fitting and that misfortune would come anyway? It's disturbing enough without bringing fatalistic nihilism further into it. Life isn't that way and especially in fiction there isn't one possible solution. It didn't have to be like this and it's not great despite the pain it causes or rather as people like to say "realistic because of the pain" nor was it perfectly set up, we don't have to at least accept it as right however it feels for it showed us "harsh reality", it's not and was not realistically done either, no need endorsing we all have to abide it as such. Ultimately we have to stomach already damaged character getting senselessly tortured for nothing till we are fed this miserable end and I don't think at this point it's something to admire as representational. It's like clipping wings of a butterfly for the drama and then having it presented as just showing a slice of our unfair life. Or better yet, watching a nature documentary that shows only prey being hunted and torn apart, nothing else, none of its other side, no counterpoint and then being told that's it, that's only what Mother Nature is. This is the reality we speak of when talking about Banana Fish ending which unfortunately cements that it showed beauty specifically to crush it. There's no balance when you continue to show loss triumph and if there's no other way I'm inclined to think Banana Fish takes place in Hell rather than in real world.

I don't think it was a rightful ending for so many reasons coming from the way the story was written, for the issues of this ending in itself and ideas it brings forward. But I want to go further into one thing I observed, namely the prevalent narrative having people who say BF ending wasn't good labelled as naive sentimental idealists who can't take it just because they could only accept a straightforward happy end while its ~greatness and realness lays in how grim it is. We are told we may not like it (and that we only don't because it upsets us with not being fluffy) but however out feelings are we have to acknowledge it was objectively inevitable, well written, only logical and plausible one. If not our delicate sensibilities can't handle serious real life themes. Well thank you for letting me not enjoy it but also I still won't agree that despite my dislike it was like all the previous adjectives mentioned, it wasn't legitimate and the best possible while being realistic and in other posts I scratch the surface of why not but here I just want to say I feel uncomfortable with how this pointless end is validated as the sole one which could be credible while any opposition to it framed as irrational fantasy wishful thinking. I think people who read it this way take the text painfully at face value and maybe can't see it is highly disputable but it's not fair trying to impose on others the idea how common sense and true to life it was and misrepresent other's dissatisfaction as being in denial. In general I see posts on the ending enforcing the view how it happened as if by some objective laws of the universe, you might not like them but they're binding anyway, it is sad but anything else would be delusional. I'm sorry but no, this is fiction and as a whole it is composed and based on a subjective set of ideas and values and in BF's particular case they're not even always coherent as a whole both within the story and in relation to our real world. Popular interpretation is that Ash couldn't possibly escape his fate and so we can't escape such ending. He works hard to do it the whole time but this struggle is denied and nothing matters in the end anyway and I am to believe his conclusion always would have been the same as if a neutral mathematical truth brought it. Destiny. It is hard to justify such concept especially when talking about fiction where by default you have basically the author making certain choices and then trying to construct the story around them. You can only argue it was well founded, coherently coming from the story and working in context of what we see but in BF case it totally scratched out what it previously established, this construction wasn't even especially flawless, unquestionable and successful. It's like the internal contradictions in the plot and character actions are being ignored and the fatalistic motives that are pushed forward are like a voice of the omniscient god narrator forcing this way of thinking into us and forbidding to think critically about what is repeated and compare it with how it relates to what’s been actually happening. So when they're finally realized you're to be amazed how rational it is despite many of the things under the surface aren't necessarily pointing in the same direction. You could only call it unequivocal if there were no holes in the storytelling and causality so that it would have been the only justifiable conclusion but no one can tell me that despite all the forced omens purposefully scattered around there couldn't have been a somewhat different ending without it being a nonsensical, unbelievable fix it. The story and the flawed execution of the given ending easily lets you imagine other probable possibilities.

There were clumsy deliberate attempts in the plot to lay the background for it, how it was fatalistically coming but the stabbing timing itself was obviously convenient and contrived thing that didn't feel fluent and organic, more like an abrupt event in precisely calculated moment by the author for maximum shock that's why it feels so fake. Then Ash has a turn around and goes to the library, there's much talk that he Did It For Eiji but it's hard to believe it to be the case since the BF affair has ended and he for the first time in his life gets a chance to live freely plus gets the letter which is a hopeful promise for a better future. To have the random stabbing suddenly make him dismiss all this and give up promptly is a weak excuse. He finally has something to live for, is at a good place for the first time in his life. It made no sense coming from unconvincing situation and for his character, it’s such a waste to make him decide that because he felt happy for a moment, he is so strong but now suddenly submits and stops fighting for all he did before. It’s like he is chastised for even trying to escape, for a fleeting moment believing he could have something as we are told there’s no hope for him. It was miserable and not emotional or moving in a good way, how even a tragic end is supposed to be. Truth is Ash is in the best position at the end- allies, money, biggest enemies dead, can possibly start anew. Others did. I doubt it'd have been worse for him than what he's already been put through but one of the manipulative things BF does is that we are at some point beginning to be deliberately pressured into not believing he could have it better because of all the gratuitous violence and abuse and bad luck he has thrown on him during the timeline (I think it's one of the long term purposes of some otherwise pointless scenes besides the direct one which is to shake us), also as I've claimed people tend to give him no future in any case to compensate for the ending.

#ash lynx #banana fish #banana fish ending #banana fish meta

44 notes · View notes

thisorthatbi · 6 years

Note

1/6 OK so. I've been questioning my sexual orientation for a few years (I'm 17.5, and questioning since I was 14). It all started when I was 14 w my first bf and I didn't even want to kiss him. And I loved him! I loved being w him but I just didn't even want to kiss him. Even him putting his arm around me made me uncomfortable. And he really was a sweetheart and respected my boundaries but I felt so bad that I couldn't do things I knew he wanted (even if he never asked) that I broke up w him -🌻

2/6 Fast forward to 2 months after I broke up w him after 9 months of dating (I was 15 when we broke up) I met this really amazing older girl and for the first time ever I was like WOAH GIRLS. Then I realized that lots of my “friend crushes” were me crushing REAL HARD on girls since like 2nd grade. So then, I thought maybe I’m a lesbian? Bc at the time I thought that if I didn’t want to kiss my bf I didn’t love him so maybe I didn’t like boys!! -🌻

3/6 But the entire time I wasn’t sure I actually liked that girl? I thought maybe I’m faking to be ~special~? Bc I was at a time of my life I wanted to be special. 15 is a weird age. After a few months I realized I did love my ex (and also numerous other boys) so I wasn’t a lesbian–I was Bi! And from then on I ID’d as Bi. But the thing is, I never felt sexual attraction. And it was obvious to the point that my friends were saying I might be ace. -🌻

4/6 But I was pretty young so I didn’t want to ID as ace before I reached an age I’d certainly feel sexual attraction at. So it’s been two years, I stayed single and pretty much kept all the ace talk on the low burner and moved on w my life. Now, I’m dating this AMAZING girl (who’s my first gf) who I really enjoy being with and stuff but like, I keep questioning if I actually like her? Like, at times I like kissing her but mostly it feels like just a thing to do that makes me feel nothing? -🌻

5/6 BUT there were a few times that I got pretty aroused from making out w her?? Idk what to think anymore. I sometimes feel neutral towards kissing, sometimes even anxious (in a bad way), and sometimes aroused?? And I though about sexual stuff and was like “yeah cool” but then after a while I started fearing it?? And we’re going at my pace which means we only do what I ask so there’s no pressure but I’m just so anxious and idk why?? -🌻

6/6 and all these thoughts make me question my attraction to her (and to girls in general). Idk what to do!! Does this mean I’m Ace? Aro? Am I even Bi? I’m so confused!! It’s been YEARS and I haven’t figured out myself. I’m scared that the only reason I’m w my gf is bc that way I feel “accepted”- I have a romantic partner, with whom I will have sex and such and be a “normal” person. Sorry to lay all this on you if you don’t wanna answer/ post it’s OK. -🌻

okay i want to start by saying you are totally normal and valid for feeling the way that you do toward sex and yes it does sound like you’re either an ace/bisexual or a demi/bisexual. i’m putting the demi label out there because you may not have the emotional connection you need with your girlfriend at the moment to take that step further in the relationship. i also want to point out that sex can be a scary thing, being that intimate with another person can make you feel incredibly vulnerable so it’s understandable and normal that you feel anxious!! rushing into it will only lead to regrets and its so important that you take your time and only do it when you’re ready. only you can know within yourself if you feel like you’re relationship is forced, you have to ask yourself, do i like dating this person? is this someone i want to be with? if the answers to these questions are yes then that’s why you’re with her! like you say, you’re almost 18, you have soooo much time to learn about yourself and find out which labels are right for you!! i’m 23 and im still learning things about myself. you don’t have to have everything figured out just yet!

#asks #🌻 anon #kay talks #long post #sex mention /#💗💜💙

11 notes · View notes

theyearofthereapingtiger · 2 years

Text

Warning, this does have to do with a certain someone that I've known for a while that you sorta know too, and if you don't want to read or listen about it for the millionth time, I totally understand, because I was tired of dealing with it too. Also, this has nothing to do with their wrongdoings or me protecting them. So, you know the whole weird soul tie thing (don't know how else to consider it) I've had with J, and you know how I'd have gut feelings and dreams about him that normally happened right before something big happened to him or him coming back into my life? And you know how I've always struggled to find the answer as to why I had this strong connection to him? I FINALLY got my answer! And it has put so much to rest and to peace for me! And low and behold it doesn't have anything (or mainly not) to do with the mistake I made with him back in 2018. I mean that did throw a kink in me finding the true answer but I was confused about it before that happened.

So, yesterday, I was driving to see dad for his birthday when I had a super big gut feeling that made me nauseous. The gut feeling I had was that I had to go to the town this person lives. At the time, I thought the gut feeling was solely based on him and it wasn't..not fully. I'll explain. The gut feeling wasn't to see him, but it was just to be in the town like something big was going to happen. Well, I did go and all I did was drive around (not looking for him I swear) and went to his son's grave to pay my respects. I went to show myself mainly that not all gut feelings are right. I was half correct. I came back and reluctantly talked to my bf about it. I say reluctantly because I didn't want my bf thinking that I went to go back to said person because that was not it at all. Actually that hasn't been the case since 2018, if it was I would have crawled back the 2 times he messaged me. No, this whole trip was based around trying to figure out why my soul is so attached to his. Me and my bf discussed it, and he brought out a different point of view I had never considered. The whole soul/gut feelings/dreams are all tied to how mine and said person's relationship first started which was pure, a sibling relationship. I've been fighting for so long thinking I still had strong feelings for him (still have some sort of romantic love but on a VERY small scale because that never truly goes away). This person was the first person who truly saw me when everyone else ignored me or only saw me to pick on me. So, naturally my soul would tie to his at a young age. This whole time I thought I was crazy thinking it was a soulmate type ordeal. In a sense it is, but not in the way I was thinking. I mean I don't know if he feels the same way, but that doesn't matter to me. What matters is I finally got answers on my side of the fence, and I've accepted not knowing what's on the other side of that same fence. With my bf's validation, I was finally able to validate to myself that it's okay to still have this type soul tie especially since it's not in the sense that I was wrongly believing it was. It's sorta like David and Jonathan and how their souls were knit together. Now, I'm not saying that I'm just going to lollygag back into his life, but at least now I have peace that I'm not crazy and that deep connections with people can happen outside of romantic love.

My crush that I developed was the first thing that complicated finally identifying where the source of this tie came from, and of course 2018 helped complicate it worse. I was always so afraid that if I happened to run into him that I wouldn't know what would I would do at all because I was in need of knowing the source of the tie. Not justifying 2018 at all because I know what happened between us was wrong. But I believe part of my motivation for falling into that was due to my lack of knowledge and misperception of where that tie actually came from. We are soulmates I believe but not in the romantic type way. Or on my end he's mine. Even if I am not in his life and he is not in mine.

0 notes