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elythegardeningbard · 3 months

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The Asskier Chair

For those who don't know me well here, I moved in last year in my new home with my two children. I had been living with my parents since the beginning of the divorce proceedings so of course, when I moved in, I had basically nothing.

My parents offered to look around a few places, thrift stores and such, to help me fill up the place and this is the phone call I received from my mother (translated from French):

Mom :"I found you a chair"

"Okay"

Mom : "It's 80$. But you need it"

"I don't see how I would need an $ 80 chair..."

Mom: "You don't understand. There's a bard on it"

"A bard..? On the chair"

Mom: "Well exactly, on it yes. Actually... You sit on his face"

"..." Confused

So she sends me the following pictures

And of course I bought the Chair and of course, Twitter decided via poll that it would be names Asskier

Apparently, my dad was not impressed and he told my mom I wouldn't want it because we sat on his face.

Mom "Pretty sure it's the main reason Elias will want it. It's pretty gay"

Here's a more current picture of Asskier, living its best chair life in my living room

Near My lute and the Fireplace

#jaskier #dandelion witcher #the witcher game #the witcher #antique #bard #Geraskier #Geralt would sit on that chair without noticing #jaskier pankratz #jaskier dandelion #Asskier the Chair #asskier #the witcher jaskier #slutty bards #best bard

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mylittleredgirl · 2 years

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the thing about cracking open a long-established popular ship tag on ao3 is that it allows you to be extraordinarily picky, and i think it must be the closest thing i will ever experience to being filthy rich. i scroll along at super speed like no today i am only interested in fics with this precise range of words and one of these three tags. only authors i’ve heard of, please. hmm, i suppose i could consider an unknown quantity given its apparent popularity with the people, but… no, no, this summary doesn’t do it for me. no particular reason, it’s just… eh, i don’t need to explain myself. bring me 50 more like this for me to choose from and we’ll see.

#the modern day evolution of the dicks doth touch bard is a harried personal shopper #on fanfic #anyway i’m like 20 pages deep into the sam/jack tag by kudos and continuing to live my best life #i can’t even imagine how picky some of y’all get to be #ao3

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spielzeugkaiser · 10 months

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It's about! the found family!!

#the witcher #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher netflix #ciri #yennefer of vengerberg #them being a little family is all I ever wanted it makes me go aaaaaaa in the best ways #please yes more of that #a family can be one bard a pocketsized princess a family goat and a witch!

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mattelektras · 6 months

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the horns aren't so bad, i guess. maybe a bit of wax could spruce them up.

#gamingedit #bg3edit #wyll ravengard #baldur's gate #vg*#jessie does things #best boy best class. throw a few sexy lil levels in bard in there for him as a treat #did this at work so mistakes? unequivocally

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megalomari · 1 year

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i watched the hobbit !! it was… an experience…

#The Hobbit #Bilbo Baggins #Thorin Oakenshield #Bagginshield #? I GUESS #Fili #Kili #Thranduil #Bard the Bowman #<- LMAO WHY IS HE NAMED LIKE A SONIC CHARACTER??? ADJFBDLD #oh i did like the movies!! even tho there’s some parts that. um. exist.#i wanna watch the extended versions soon #the acorn scene!! one of the best #sorry if they look a lil off i don’t usually draw from live action material… im out of practice #oof im rambling again. anyway

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everyones-least-favorite-bard · 3 months

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support your local lantern!

another blatantly self indulgent western au lmao

#if youve seen the movies im ripping off for this i love you #theyre not even good movies heahskhdk #i might make an addition to this post with some thoughts on this au #but tbh theres not much lmao #dc fanart #dc comics #dc au #cowboy au #hal jordan #green lantern #bruce is like the deuteragonist of this but hes not on the poster so im not tagging him #bard draws #bards dc thoughts #please be nice about the horse i did my best PLEASE

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hyydraworks · 9 months

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Making birthday mugs for friends and getting to test out some Baldur’s Gate 3 art?! Because that game is taking up nearly all of my brain space at present 😅

Scratch is bestest boi.

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chicotfp · 4 months

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#thranduil #bard #barduil #lotr #the hobbit #bard/thranduil #photomanipulation #thrying to get myself out of bad mood #and hot barduil is the best cure #hey you fellow sad barduil shiper #yes you #i hope it will cheer you up at least a little

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foxprism · 6 months

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tiefling bard Eddie Munson!! Feel like he would start fights at taverns just for fun lol

(I'm kinda mad at the fact that the colours look way different on mobile than on my pc and drawing tablet - Eddie is actually supposed to be way more crimson red than brick red TwT, but oh well)

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ghoulgeists · 3 days

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WOAH..!! new oc? Her name is piper :)

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meteors-lotr · 7 months

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Thranduil: What do you think of this coffee sampler pack? Bard: That's a good selection of all of their high-end blends. Thranduil: This will be perfect for Cheryl's birthday. Bard: Wait... Cheryl? Your nemesis on the PTA? Thranduil: Yes, she drinks the free garbage coffee in the break room at the school. Bard: You despise her. Why would you get her a gift? Thranduil: After this, she'll know what real coffee tastes like and won't be able to go back. She'll have to brew her own or stop at a fancy place each morning. This gift will cost her thousands of dollars a year.

#Petty PTA parent Thranduil is best Thranduil #Also the image of a woman named Cheryl in middle earth is very funny to me idk #incorrect quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect the hobbit quotes #lotr #lord of the rings #the hobbit #Thranduil #bard the bowman #barduil

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symbioticsimplicity · 1 year

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Okay so I know we all headcanon Steve as tolerating DND because his loved ones are into it, but he’s not into it himself when they all but strong arm him into trying it.

But I would like to submit the idea that he get stuck playing the wrong class the first time.

Dustin designs him a paladin for his first run. It seems like the obvious choice, plus who doesn’t need a paladin in their party?? Steve is their literal knight in shinning armor, it tracks.

He hates it.

He doesn’t get most of the mechanics, trying to keep track of spell slots is a pain, remembering to do all the shit with his patron is annoying, the character themselves is kinda basic (no offense Dustin), and playing strictly Lawful Good is just so fucking boring. He figures he just doesn’t like DND, and resolves to play this campaign out with them but never do it again.

Then his character gets killed unexpectedly during a boss fight, so he has to make a new one.

Eddie, who’s a great DM and also has been paying attention to Steve because of course he has, suggests Steve build this one himself. Steve is of course unsure about this and argues that he’d have no idea how to do that, so Eddie offers to help walk him through it. Steve stays a little later that night and they work on making him a character he’ll actually enjoy playing.

Thus is born Riot the Rad, the most self indulgent bard to grace their humble party.

The difference is immediate. There’s less to keep track of, and Eddie made sure to explain the things he did need to keep an eye on. Steve actually finds himself engaging the story, trying things he wouldn’t have before and getting into his character. Especially the flirtiness, which flusters the shit out of Eddie though he does his best to seem like it doesn’t. Eddie wants to be mad that Steve just seduced one of the villains but he just can’t quite muster it, especially when Steve is improving a song about the villain’s “Big pretty brown eyes”.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #let him play a bard they're fucking fun #dustin would 100% do this with the best of intentions #but lets be honest unless you're into creative character building pallies are fucking boring #and having one be your first DND character??#that's like my dad having tried to get my mom into anime by showing her akira first

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geraskierfanficprompts · 3 days

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Prompt 16

Jaskier gifts Geralt something at least once a month. A silly horse knick-knack that reminded him of Roach, some rock he found, a flower (that's the most frequent). New gloves, new boots, gear, a sword sharpener, really, at least once a year Geralt has something new that means the world to him. So he keeps them all in his room in Kaer Morhen. Which means that every winter his brothers start trying to squeeze out information about who gives him these presents. Year by year, Lambert and Eskel tackle him and demand to know who gives him PERSONALIZED HAIR-TIES, GERALT! PERSONALIZED HAIR-TIES! AND IS THAT A FUCKING THROW PILLOW WITH FLOWERS ON IT!?

One year, they finally, FINALLY, get out the information that it's the bard he travels with. But surely if he gives him this many gifts and has stayed this many years, he should be spending at least one winter in Kaer Morhen with them, right? Geralt gets all sheepish and snaps at them to leave it alone and to stop bringing up "Jask." Well! A brother's gotta do what a brother's gotta do. Thus commences Lambert and Eskel's race to see who can find Geralt's bard first, and invite him up for the winter so they can wingman their poor emotionally constipated brother

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beeguillotine · 7 months

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Happy Wandersongiversary!!! 5 Years of Wandersong!!!!

#wandersong #kiwi wandersong #wandersong kiwi #bard wandersong #wandersong bard #miriam wandersong #wandersong miriam #fanart #my art #HAAAAPPYYYY WANDERSONG DAY!!!#Wanted to draw the Best Friends Of Ever to celebrate!!!!#I feel silly emotions about them ALL THE TIME AUGHH #This game means the world to me!!! 5 Years old!!!!!!#I joined in the fun JUST before the 2nd anniversary... wow.....#Bard game make me silly happy hell yeah!! Happy WS Day!!!!!!!!!!!

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yudol-skorbi · 9 months

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her name is stesha she is a halfling sorcerer with wild magic and she already damaged all of her new friends with accidental thorns, enlarged/reduced random enemies and allies during battle and fell into the owlbear nest

i personally think we are doing great

#baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 oc #baldur's gate 3 fanart #sketch #this game is my new best friend #I CAN FINALLY PLAY DND FUCKIN DOPE #i love DMing for my friends but its nice to finally play myself #i tried few different options but for now i'm going with her #i also made the most awesome prettiest dragonborn bard but he'll have to wait a little #for now i am bullshitting my way trough plot with stesha

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randomfanner · 5 months

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Informal Introductions Part One

Part Two

“My, what beautiful fur… and that collar…. Is that Tara, Gale?” excitement twinged Anya’s voice as she spotted the winged cat. Her eyes glinted a little bit as she walked along the bright orange shingles.

“You are right! It is Tara!” Gale exclaimed as they approached the pigeon’s nest that was still a fair bit away. His eyes were now set on seeing if it was indeed his furred and feathered companion.

With confirmation that this was indeed Tara the Treyssem, Anya took a moment to straighten out her hair and adjust her cloak as she walked, she strutted to make her shoulders higher and a bit more postured. “Shadowheart, do I have any dirt on my face?” Anya whispered.

Shadowheart held a hand over Anya, a light of soft magic washed over her body, cleaning the dirt and grime. Predisation did wonders.

“Thank you,” Anya whispered as they finally made it to the nest.

Tara immediately recognized the Wizard of Waterdeep, of course she did. After all he was the sweetest, and most expensive pet in all of the realm.

“Mr. Dekarios! Good heavens, fancy seeing you here!” Tara greeted, yellow eyes trained on his face. Well they were focused there on the ground there was a ring and an open letter.

“Tara! That can’t be you, can it?” Gale held his arms out to gesture at her, alive and very content in terms of food it would seem. Shadowheart and Halsin stood to the side an extra few steps, giving Anya, Gale and Tara a bit of space.

After all, it was the first time Anya was meeting the family.

“I suppose you will not be terribly shocked to find your old friend Tara amongst the pigeons. They have always been a personal favourite,” he tail twitched with a hint of delight at the thought of savoring more pigeons.

“My, is that a ring? For us? You shouldn’t have,” Gale said as he bent down and picked up the ring, studying it in his fingers for a moment. “Now enjoy yourself, Tara, it seems you have a nice set up here,” he said as he closed his hand on the ring.

Tara seemed… a little startled by the fact he was not absorbing the artifact right away.

Anya took in a breath as she tried to keep herself postured.

“Hello, um, Miss Tara. I am Anya Drakencoat,” Anya said as she bent down to be at eye level with Tara, offering her a hand to sniff. Tara hummed as she let her nose take in the scent.

“My, what a polite girl! Have you been traveling with Mr. Dekarios? I certainly hope he has not caused you too much trouble,” Tara said as she bumped her head against Anya’s hand. Anya grinned as she scratched behind Tara’s ears, a purr bellowing from the creature.

“Oh none at all, he has been lovely company and a great ally, he has spoken highly about you,” Anya said as she began to stroke the soft fur along Tara’s back, being careful not to touch her wings. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

“I am enjoying myself quite a feast as you can see, pigeons are a wonderful snack you see,” Tara used a wing to gestured to the pile of pigeon bones that she had picked clean.

“I see….” a flicker of concern. “Um…. we kind of need those pigeons alive though, could you please stop, Miss Tara?” Anya asked.

Gale looked at the two of them and a fond smile found itself on his lips. He knew they would get on of course, but to see Tara accepting her so quickly was quite a treat. A twinge of worry did cross his mind however, Tara had never liked Mystra as Gale’s lover, a protective instinct. A warranted one, Gale realized that only now. And one she was surely not going to have with someone as sweet as Anya.

But it did not stop him from remembering the scowl that crossed his companion’s face when he had told her the news of Mystra and his romantic explorations.

“Well how can I say no to such a polite request? Of course, Mrs. Dekarios,” Tara said, her tail flicking into the air. “However I do expect to see you come when this is all over. Perhaps for dinner? Maybe forever?”

Anya and Gale both shared an expression. Wide eyes, mouth slightly agape and burning bright red.

“Tara that is rather forward of you,” Gale managed to get out.

“Of course. You do realize she smells just like you, don’t you, Mr. Dekarios?” Tara asked, there was a twinge of mischief in her voice as her tail swished. “Frankly I am disappointed she had to introduce herself to me. I thought I taught you better than that.”

A hand covered Gale’s mouth as his cheeks turned bright red. “Well… I suppose I wanted to wait until I could bring her home,” Gale mumbled.

Tara narrowed her eyes a little bit as she shifted how she stood on her paws, her wings expanding a little bit. “No excuse, you know how long I have waited for you to find a good lady.”

Gale gave a sigh as he let his head fall. “I am sorry Tara, I should have introduced you to Anya sooner.”

“Good, do not make the same mistake with your mother,” Tara said. “And Mrs. Dekarios dear, please make sure to keep Mr. Dekarios safe and out of trouble for me, won’t you?. I am sure you have noticed he is foolhardy at times and is always making me and his mother worry,” Tara’s ears drooped a little bit with the confession.

“Don’t worry, no matter what I am not going to let anything happen to Gale,” Anya promised with a smile. “I have done well to keep him out of trouble, but that is a story for later.”

Tara stepped back and her tail flicked with delight. “Wonderful, I do look forward to hearing what you two have gotten up to together. I may stay in the area if you would like to come and talk, perhaps over some of Mr. Dekarios’ cooking?”

“I think that would be wonderful, if you would be willing to cook of course, Gale,” Anya turned to face the wizard of Waterdeep.

“Why, nothing would bring me greater pleasure,” Gale said as he put a hand on Anya’s shoulder and pulled her a little closer, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

“Wonderful, I eagerly await them,” Tara said as she bowed her head for a moment before Tara took off, leaving the two of them behind.

“Well, I am certainly glad Tara likes me,” Anya said with a smile. “I was a little nervous.”

“ It is as I said, my love, Tara was always going to love you. Hmm, now then what should I cook? If she stops by camp I best be prepared,” Gale said.

“Hmmmm, do you think she would like pheasant?”

“A wonderful idea, not that I should be surprised. You are full of them.”

#gale x reader #gale fluff #baldurs gate gale #Gale is the sweetest man #gale x tav #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #gale romance #bard tav #chubby tav #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #tara the tressym #Tara is best mom

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