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dizzycheetah96 · 2 months

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i’ve had this post in the drafts for like two months but with the release of poor things on hulu has come an uptick in really really bad poor things takes so here I am clocking in for the poor things discourse!!

while art is obviously subjective and can be interpreted like literally however you want blah blah blah etc. etc., I think a lot of the criticisms of poor things are pretty surface level and in the name of like performative anger and not genuine criticisms. will be addressing and commenting on the two biggest criticisms I’ve seen:

1. poor things portrays the born sexy yesterday trope

ultimately I think the film does enough to subvert the trope, and actually utilizes the trope as a vehicle to subvert it. what I think poor things is really doing is critiquing and commenting on how men seek out infantile and docile women as a means to exert control and assert their own self importance. these men then become disillusioned when said women gain intelligence, perspective, and experiences that don’t center them.

godwin, max, and duncan all sought to control bella in some way. they sexualize her, view her as an object, property, and an experiment. at the beginning of the movie, prior to bella leaving god’s house and exploring, we do get a bit of the traditional born sexy yesterday trope. but bella being who she is, she wanted more and she wanted to explore the world, grow, etc. this fundamentally changed the way these men interacted with her, and they were no longer infatuated by her innocence and curiosity, but saw her as threatening and something they needed to reign in and control.

first, when bella asks to leave the house and see the world, she is met with pushback from both godwin and max. when bella expresses her frustration, godwin fucking chloroforms her to get her to stop talking and fighting him. this pattern continues until bella leaves.

we saw this to an extreme with duncan. he noticed that bella was gaining intelligence and perspective, was threatened, and resorted to locking her in a trunk and literally fucking kidnapping her as an attempt to regain control. but after that, she continues to learn and grow. she meets new people who introduce her to philosophy and reading and intelligent conversation. this essentially brings duncan to his breaking point and he begins to mentally deteriorate.

2. all the sex was super gross bc bella developmentally had not yet reached the age of consent

people not grasping that bella having sex with all these men is SUPPOSED to make us uncomfortable is baffling. the depiction of this kind of relationship cannot be equated with endorsement. I actually think it was important that the audience know that at the beginning of the movie that bella had the brain of a child because it allows us to see how much duncan takes advantage of her. it also just further hammers home the critique of men preferring underdeveloped infantile women they can control, rather than independent intelligent women who challenge them.

I don’t necessarily have any problem with the movie depicting that bella enjoys having sex. discovering sexuality it is an ordinary part of adolescence (when she first starts masturbating I’m assuming she was like 12-14 developmentally) and ultimately what makes the lisbon scenes with her and duncan so uncomfortable is that we know that he knows he’s taking advantage of her. I do think it was intended to be uncomfortable for the audience to watch. she does not have the knowledge and understanding to know that the dynamic between her and duncan is very very bad, but she gets there eventually. I can’t fault her for in the moment not realizing what was happening to her.

but this is where my personal criticisms come in — once bella does learn how these men took advantage of her she does not fight back against them like I wanted her to. she isn’t outraged, she doesn’t tell them how violated she feels. duncan does get his comeuppance (which was hilariously played by mark ruffalo) but I think that max and godwin got off too easy. especially max who agreed to marry her when developmentally she was a child. I just don’t think she should have been so quick to forgive them.

I also just want to take a moment to discuss the common critique that “it’s so obvious this movie was made by a man like duh this is how men perceive what female empowerment is” etc. etc. this was actually addressed by emma stone in a conversation she had w olivia coleman — emma was a producer on the film and really feels like people are taking away her agency in deciding how to tell this story. she was an integral part in the production of the film, no one was demanding her to portray bella in a certain way, and ultimately what we see on screen is a product of her involvement in the filmmaking process. by reducing this to being a movie about how men perceive women you are completely removing and invalidating the women that actually had a say in how this story was told.

tldr; idk like obviously you can think whatever you want about it, but just don’t mistake depiction for endorsement and understand that sometimes the point of the movie is to make you feel uncomfortable. stories and narratives in fiction are complicated bc people are complicated!!!! we are messy and difficult and exploring certain topics in a fictionalized world allows us to better understand the world we live in. sanitizing ourselves of engaging with this kind of material will only hurt our ability to analyze and form opinions about contentious areas of life.

#poor things #*sigh* I am once again poor things posting #emma stone #yorgos lanthimos #poor things ily

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beevean · 1 year

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A but of an inconclusive rant that makes more sense in my head.

“Humanization” seems to have become a synonim for “adding positive/likeable traits to a character”...

But it’s not necessarily that?

For example, when I write Hector, I add more negative traits to him. I wrote him being mean to Isaac, aiming at his insecurities when he’s fed up with him. I wrote him being condescending to Rosaly, looking down on her for being too pious for him (he gets better lol). I wrote him having zero empathy for humans at first, not even understanding the concept that children are supposedly innocent. I emphasized how self-centered his heel face turn started out. I keep repeating that I'd love to see more of the coldhearted General Hector who committed war crimes in the name of a genocidial Dark Lord. And I even praised two parts of N!Hector: the fact that he himself burned his own parents, unlike in canon where the animals/demons did it for him, and the fact that he saw humans as animals to be culled, but without a hint of resentment, almost out of innocent pity.

Isn’t that humanization too? Isn’t that fleshing out a character? Or does it count only when it’s time to give an unrepentant manchild of a villain sudden fatherly emotions?

Speaking of Eggman, you know what also counts as humanizing him for me?

Eggman loves amusement parks and circuses. There is no deeper reason for it, no secret childhood trauma. He enjoys creating colorful places and if they can be used to exercise control, all the better. It’s his unique way to shape the world. It’s a character trait that he doesn’t need, but he has it, and it fleshes him out.

And you know what else humanizes him? The Egg Memo where he complains that Maria stole the spotlight from him because she dared to be ill and be killed. He’s jealous and selfish and insensitive and constantly seeking attention - aren’t those human traits too? Can’t they be relatable too, as much as we wouldn’t like to admit it?

Another villain who got humanized in a negative way is Isaac in the MF manga. Once again, I link to my analysis of that scene (bottom of the post) where he killed his own underlings because he wanted to disobey Dracula’s direct orders, all while thinking of himself as his most loyal servant, in a brilliant display of hypocrisy and denial that IMO makes him even more interesting. From the same manga, I also am still not over that one page where he shows fear over being approached by his caretaker (?): however you interpret it, whether it’s a reaction to nearly dying, to losing his master and home, or to being betrayed by Hector, this is a human reaction, albeit a negative one.

On the flip side, what about Sonic? Does Sonic need to be humanized by making him more of a jerk? Or, god forbid, by adding a completely unnecessary moral “dilemma”? Or is the fact that this speedster actually loves sitting down and reading books enough to give him more depth? Or the fact that he loves nature, or the fact that he is both empathetic and has a noticeable ego that sometimes gets him into trouble? I think it is. Sonic is a simple character at his core, but he has so many cute quirks that he ends up being both an inspiration, which is what he’s meant to be, and endearing :)

“Humanization” means writing a character in such a way that they’d feel human, like people you could meet in real life. It doesn’t mean “adding more palatable traits”. Humans are not inherently good, nor they are inherently evil, they are simply complex. You can write the meanest bastard in the world, you can write the goodiest hero with the most unshakeable heart, and if you add extra traits like tastes or quirks, and if you can make them fit with their core characterization, that counts as writing them as human.

#i don't know how to tag this so i'll try with #writing #not bothering with tagging the characters i've discussed about lol #a bit ashamed of mixing different examples but i care these characters a lot and i wanted to drive my point home

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walkswithmyfather · 11 months

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“But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.” —1 Corinthians 2:9 (ESV)

“But it is just as the Scriptures say, “What God has planned for people who love him is more than eyes have seen or ears have heard. It has never even entered our minds!” 1 Corinthians 2:9 (CEV)

“No, the wisdom we speak of is the mystery of God—his plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began. But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would not have crucified our glorious Lord. That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets. No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit. And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us. When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means.” —1 Corinthians 2:7-14 (NLT)

“Do You Need an Upgrade?” By Joyce Meyer:

“We rush to get every new upgrade available for our computer and phone. We spend money, wait in lines, do whatever it takes to have the newest and best. We are very aggressive about having the best equipment available, but are we as aggressive about having the upgraded life Jesus offers us?

The Bible says that the path of the righteous gets brighter and brighter every day (see Proverbs 4:18). This means God is always drawing us toward better and better things. He continually offers upgrades, and we should be determined to have each one of them.

Living the best life God has for you will require some effort on your part. You will need to educate yourself on the life He offers and what it truly means to be born again. As a child of God, you have an inheritance and you have certain rights and privileges, but if you don’t know about them, you will never enjoy them. We educate ourselves through Bible study, reading good books about biblical principles, spending time with God, and being in community with other people who are seeking God as we are. We also need a lot of patience because God is usually not in a hurry. He is always working in our lives, but we are not always aware of it.

Simply going to church once a week doesn’t necessarily help you attain the upgraded life you desire. It helps, but you will have to also seek God diligently every day of your life, not just once or twice a week. God has provided countless tools for us to help us grow, but we must avail ourselves of them. I want to challenge you to set aside at least 45 minutes to an hour a day and call it your “God Time.” Make it a goal, and if you need to begin with less time, that is okay because gradually you will desire more. During that time you can study your Bible, talk to God in prayer, listen to a Bible teaching, read a book that will help you understand the Bible better, or simply sit in God’s presence and receive His love.

If you do this diligently, you will find over time that you have changed and are enjoying yourself and your life much more than ever before. Any good relationship requires time, and your relationship with God is no different. God has so many wonderful things in His plan for you, and during this time you will learn what they are and how to access them. You can’t use what you don’t know you have! For example, you have a Helper, who is the Holy Spirit, and He is with you all the time.

Anytime you need help with anything, all you need to do is ask. This and many other wonderful things are yours in Christ, so get busy learning about them and start enjoying the upgraded life Jesus died for you to have.

Prayer of the Day: Lord Jesus, I know You have many good things planned for me. Help me be determined to seek the upgraded life You offer. Teach me to use the tools You have provided and to spend time in Your presence every single day. I love You so much, amen.”🙏

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hisokas-toybox · 2 years

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How the adult trio deal with having a crush

Brand new content from me for this new sideblog! As the title says, this is a list of headcanons about how I imagine each member of the adult trio would behave if they had a crush on the reader.

Illumi

· Definitely the least functional of the trio when it comes to handling a crush.

· If you’re in the same room/space he will watch you constantly. He can’t help it, you’re beautiful to him and he just can’t take his eyes off you.

· Low key stalks you – wherever you are he’ll be nearby. Even if he needs to be somewhere far away from you for a mission, he’ll still know exactly where you are/who you’re with etc.

· Will do an extensive background check on you, he probably knows your family history better than you do.

· If you have any exes that hurt you or were ever bullied in your life, those people are now dead.

· Probably didn’t even know that what he was feeling was a crush until someone else (most likely Hisoka) pointed it out.

· Is freaked out and ashamed that he has feelings for someone. Assassins don’t need feelings he’s been trained to avoid this, why is this happening???

· Tries to hide his crush. No-one can know about it; feelings are weak after all! (Literally everyone knows he’s into you. It’s painfully obvious and the more he tries to hide it the more obvious it becomes)

· Has definitely considered killing you to stop this crazy obsession. Ultimately decided against it since that would mean not getting to see you anymore.

· His internet history is a rabbit hole of wikihows on how to get over a crush/talk to a crush/get them to notice you/how to plan a wedding.

· Somehow still clueless.

· It’s sad because all this shame comes from trauma and abuse

· But the sheer awkwardness is also kind of cute.

· Chances are, if you like him back, you’ll have to make the first move, and the second, and probably third too…

· If he somehow does ask you out first though it will be AWKWARD AF.

· Probably sounds more like a command to go out with him than a request, but there’s a little hint of a blush on his cheeks that gives away how nervous he is.

· He doesn’t actually mean to be creepy towards you; he just has NO IDEA how to act like a normal person at the best of times, and the fact you make him feel things just makes him get even stranger.

· Not big on physical affection, will absolutely be a blushing mess if your hands accidently touch even slightly. If you do date him it could take some time before he starts to enjoy being touched and even longer before he actively seeks physical touch.

· You’ll need set up clear boundaries and have a lot of patience, but if you do date him it’ll be worth it as he gets more comfortable with you.

· If you two do get together, Illumi will expect full commitment and pretty quick too. Expect to be married within a year.

· If you’re not interested, be gentle but be clear. He won’t persist if you reject him, but he will be a sad boy deep down. (why would you reject him though, he’s so pretty and just wants to be loved?)

Hisoka

· Oh. This boy.

· Not remotely ashamed/embarrassed by his crush on you.

· Makes it a point to make his attraction known to you, and anyone else in the vicinity. Often explicitly.

· Will make any excuse to be around you.

· Shows off constantly whenever he’s around you (with his nen, his card tricks, bragging about his latest fight or even just walking around shirtless for no reason).

· Endless compliments, flirting and innuendo.

· Hands. Everywhere. Hisoka is a very tactile person so expect to be used as an armrest/headrest if you’re shorter than him (likely) and for little touches to your shoulders/arms/legs as he talks to you. Will also chance his luck grabbing your ass and playing footsie with you if you’re at a table

· He will ask you out first.

· He’ll invite you on a date initially to have some class, but he’s not shy about just straight up propositioning you for sex.

· He’s not fussy about taking it slow

· If you do date him it might not necessarily be a serious or long-term thing, but it will be fun.

· If you reject him, (Again, why would you reject him? Have you not SEEN those abs???) he won’t be deterred. He’ll see it as a challenge and keep pursuing you, enjoying it if you get annoyed (he may ease up on the touching if you’re really uncomfortable but don’t expect much else).

· If you keep rejecting him, he will eventually either find someone else or just get bored and leave you alone.

Chrollo

· Honestly the most normal of the three.

· Will do some background research on you to make sure you meet his high standards. May discreetly “acquire” some of your possessions/photos which he’ll keep safely hidden away.

· Not embarrassed by his crush on you, but definitely more refined and subtle in the way he pursues it.

· Carefully engineers situations where he can interact with you directly.

· Actually works to build a rapport with you before asking you out.

· Pretty smooth talker, very charming and gives a lot of compliments.

· Direct in asking you out, it’s very clear he likes you and wants to take you on a date.

· Genuinely interested in you, curious about your hobbies/passions/likes and dislikes.

· Gives you a lot of gifts that relate to what you talk about. (Don’t ask where/how he gets them!)

· Won’t touch you until he’s certain you’re interested, and even then, he keeps things very classy and respectful.

· Is always very cool and suave on the outside, but inside he gets excited to see you and longs to touch you. Already thinks of you as his.

· If you do date him, it’ll likely be a long-term thing that he’ll take slowly and carefully but with strong commitment.

· If you turn him down, (I actually WOULD turn Chrollo down so no questions on your taste here) he’ll be very gracious about it and won’t continue to pursue you. (Likely to disappear for a long time without any warning though. There may also be a spike in large scale crime which may or may not be related).

· You may find yourself being hunted down by the remaining Phantom Troupe members for “disrespecting the Boss” if you reject Chrollo.

#Hunter X Hunter #hxh #headcanons #chrollo #illumi #hisoka #mine #new content!

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sleepingdeath-light · 4 months

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relationship hcs ; blavat sky

requested by ; mod / self indulgent

fandom(s) ; black butler

fandom masterlist(s) ; hub | specific

character(s) ; blavat sky

outline ; “dating headcanons for blavat”

warning(s) ; none, just fluff!

blavat is an incredibly laidback partner, someone who prioritises having fun and just being together over planning every single detail of your lives — though, of course, he isn’t completely opposed to going on more ‘formal’ or ‘proper’ dates on occasion if that’s something you enjoy

whilst he does use some traditional pet names like ‘my dear’ and ‘love’, most of the time he refers to you with some more unique terms than one might expect of a man of his era — things along the lines of ‘soulmate’, ‘starlight’ and ‘my moon and stars’, etc.

he’s incredibly physically affectionate and even playful with you, far from prim and proper as he flirts with you and touches you up in front of anyone who might be nearby — pulling you onto his lap and kissing your neck and jaw whilst he gives out divinations (even asking for your input and opinions every so often and humming thoughtfully at each interpretation you offer)

whilst he spends a good amount of time doing work for the aurora society and managing the sphere music hall, he always makes sure to spend as much time with you as he can — staying as long as possible in the mornings and even bringing you with him to the hall if his schedule is too busy, seeking you out to dance between sessions with attendants and happily introducing you as his ‘better half’ to anyone who asks

he’s a deep sleeper and slow to wake, so if you’re up early enough and try to talk to him you’ll get a vague string of murmured, slurred half-words as he nuzzles his face into your neck and tries to fall back asleep — and if you let him he absolutely will (which means that unless you’re willing to nudge him awake he might end up spending an entire morning in bed)

his favourite places to kiss you are on your pulse points (your throat and wrists) and on your knuckles — always pulling you close by the waist and shamelessly flirting with you as he raises your hand to his lips and kisses each knuckle purposefully (smiling to himself if you start to get flustered)

he doesn’t necessarily have a filter so much as he’s able to get away with being inappropriate due to his position and how he phrases certain things, which he took full advantage of when you first caught his eye — inviting you over to get a reading and blatantly flirting with you and commenting on favourable parts of your appearance throughout (and later pursuing you to formally ask you out on a date)

#sleepingdeath #gender neutral reader #fluff #fluff hcs #black butler fluff #black butler x reader #kuroshitsuji fluff #kuroshitsuji x reader #kuroshitsuji blavat x reader #kuroshitsuji blavat fluff #black butler blavat x reader #black butler blavat fluff #blavat sky x reader #blavat sky fluff

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oldxenomorph · 4 months

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ALL OF THE IVY. also. ALL OF THE BIRCH. ask meme be UPON YE

winter greenery oc questions

IVY

1. Has your OC ever been unfaithful in a relationship? Could they ever be tempted by the physical charms of another? Or have they ever been surprised by how little they are tempted by others, at least once they embraced their current lover?

The Great Family are a famously non-monogamous bunch. Even though most of them are married and have had children with their spouses, they still take on lovers or engage in relationships that both further their plans and for fun. (Some of these unions have resulted in children that become integrated into the family.) So they don’t necessarily see it as being unfaithful, especially if their spouse doesn’t object to the person they have their eyes on.

That being said, the Emperor and Nyx have literally been together since the beginning of the universe. But 8 million years ago, during the Late Miocene epoch, the Emperor entered her deep sleep in the Black Palace and the Great Family began their work to prepare the Milky Way for when she inherited the Reapers. 8 million years is a long time to wait. Honestly, the Great Family would have been surprised if either the Emperor or Nyx didn’t seek someone out for companionship during the time they were apart.

The only person the Emperor deeply desires is Nyx, but she did romance Liara during her time as Shepard. Liara was able to glimpse at the Emperor-as-Shepard's true nature when she entered the her mind to help decipher Prothean Beacon's vision from Eden Prime. Liara's scientific curiosity became affection, and then affection became eternal devotion to her and the Great Family. The Emperor genuinely cares about Liara and is thankful for her friendship and companionship. She is glad to have chosen a remarkable person to spent time with, to ease the pangs of loneliness and constant pain she was in.

Liara always knew that she was not the one for the Emperor. After all, she had seen into her mind and knew that at the end of this journey, the Emperor would be reunited with Nyx, the one she truly loves. But she is glad that she is still part of the Emperor’s life as the Shadow Broker, as a friend, and as a lover to both the Emperor and Nyx. (She first met Nyx in person on Alchera, when she went to retrieve the Emperor-as-Shepard’s body. Nyx was holding onto her, wrapped her body in the Black Shawl, keeping her safe on this empty, cold planet. When Liara eventually took Shepard's body from Nyx, the goddess made the asari promise her that she would keep her beloved safe and then used her powers to conceal them from the galaxy.) That being said, Liara is by no means the only person the Emperor and Nyx both have affections for. The list is not very long, but it is a cherished collection of people who's love and company they like to enjoy together.

2. What inspires loyalty in your OC? Will they follow someone purely based upon duty or rank? Or are there certain qualities towards which they are drawn? Or perhaps there are ways by which another person must prove themselves before earning their loyalty?

The only ones that the Emperor is truly loyal to are the Great Family, Nyx, their loves, her children, the old crew of the Normandy, and the strange, sentient buildings (the Black Palace, the Yellow Palace, the Ziggurat, the Oldest House, the Oceanview Motel). The Reapers are an extension of her body and consciousness, so by default they are loyal to her in the way a healthy heart is loyal to the body it's in. Harbinger is her flagship, her eyes, her emissary, shaped in the image of her soul; it is loyal to her because it is the Emperor and the Emperor is Harbinger.

Even the Board, which she is a member of, hasn’t quite earned her entire loyalty. She’s stayed as a member because she is loyal to the Oldest House and cares about its well being. It’s the main reason why she hated Trench in the end, because he let the Hiss in and caused the Oldest House to become sick. It is also the reason why she is so hard on Jesse Faden. She knows Jesse has the potential to be a much better director than Trench.

Respect is probably the best thing the Emperor can offer to those outside of her inner circle of family and old friends. She respects those who maintain their humanity, their human essence, in an age where the very definition of “humanity” is constantly changing. She respects those who serve their communities, who try to make their worlds better places. She respects the people who dedicate their lives to scholarship, artistry, and creativity. She respects the private who has better ideas than the general, the low-level bureaucrat who knows how to directly help people, the Spectre that refuses a bad order from their Councilor. She respects people who try to live their lives to the best of their abilities, the people who make history quietly.

3. Has another person ever offered to leave their spouse or lover for your OC? What was it about them that this person found so hard to resist? How did they feel about it at the time?

Persephone’s never offered to leave Hades, but I think it’s pretty clear that she has a Thing for tall, powerful goths.

She just thinks they’re neat.

Anyway, the Emperor wanted to thank Persephone for providing Nyx with companionship during the time of her deep sleep. So both she and Nyx took her to bed and properly showed her their appreciation for her love. Besides, having the affections of both the Great Lord of Extinction and the Eternal Night have plenty of other benefits like protection and invitations to events the Great Family puts on. The Queen of the Underworld has a lot of love in her heart for multiple people, a trait that clearly got passed down to Zagreus (and hopefully Melinoe). At this point, I don’t think Hades minds. It’s pretty clear that he’s comfortable with his wife being attracted to others.

Much like Liara, her attraction to the Emperor was at first curiosity, informed by Nyx’s descriptions of her. For as long as she’s known Nyx, she’s known that the Night has a beloved, waiting to awaken from a deep sleep. She could tell when her mind was elsewhere, but that never bothered her. Nyx would tell her about the Black Palace, about what the Emperor looks like; she would tell her about the Great Family, about how they care for her. (Like the times when they sent their midwives to help her when she had her children on her own. They always did things to remind Nyx that they would always be there for her.) Persephone was enthralled by Nyx's stories.

Then she met the Emperor in person and was immediately attracted to her. It wasn’t just the Emperor’s physical attributes like her size or even her appearance. The Emperor loves Nyx; she worships her, she respects her power and independence, she is protective and caring, she is not shy about showing her affections. More importantly, they trust each other as people and as spouses. Persephone thinks that's incredibly romantic. She's happy that Nyx is happy.

Being on the receiving end of Night and Extinction's affections is always very nice.

4. Does your OC feel any abiding connection to their place of birth? Has this ever been challenged by conflicting loyalties? How are they viewed by those currently living in their society of origin?

The Emperor is extremely protective of The Black Palace in the Eridanus Supervoid. It's her sanctuary, her cradle, the place that houses her true form. It is the place where she and Nyx first met, where they first kissed, where they first made love. The Black Palace will always exist, it is the true throne of the Emperor.

At the same time, the Emperor also has a deep fondness for Chicago. It's the reason why she still continues to live there, why she placed the Ziggurat there. (It might also have something to do with the city being next to Lake Michigan. Wonder if all these sentient buildings being near lakes/bodies of water is important.) She has very fond memories of her childhood in the city, she wants to make sure her children have the same experiences and connection to a place, its history, and its culture.

Chicago is proud to be the birthplace and home of the Reaper Emperor. After her ascension, a fifth red star was added to the city's flag to represent her. The six points on the star refer to: the city's status as her birthplace, the Ziggurat, the Reapers, Earth, humanity, and evolution.

5. Does your OC remain steadfastly loyal to those who have helped them on their journey? Or are they quick to dispense with those who are no longer of use to them?

When the Emperor was Shepard, she used to mostly think that Normandy and the crew she acquired were merely a means to an end. She needed them in order for her to reach her goals in order for her to finally become the Reaper Emperor. When she was younger (like around the time of ME1 younger), she was planning on leaving them as soon as she shed her human body and inherited the Reapers. But as she got older and by the time the war ended, they became her dear friends. They may not entirely understand what she is (with exception of Liara and Miranda, they knew from the beginning) or still feel hurt and angry that they were used in some way, but she’s still Shepard to them.

While she isn’t heavily involved in all of their lives, she tries to remain available for them and their descendants if they need her. Of her old crew, the ones she remained most involved with were:

Liara. (Reasons stated in one of the above questions.)

Miranda. (Who was given Cerberus and made its head. She also became a lover to both the Emperor and Nyx.)

Garrus. (Becomes the Primarch, is personally vouched for by the Emperor to the Turian Hierarchy.)

Ashley. (Spectre, promoted to Commander, and made Commanding Officer of the Normandy SR-2.)

Joker and EDI. (Still the pilot and AI of the Normandy. The Emperor also gets dozens of messages a day from EDI. Some of them are updates, some of them are just questions.)

Tali. (Gets her dream house built on Rannoch.)

Jack. (Remained a teacher at the Grissom Academy and likes to use her “I served with the Emperor when she was Shepard and we’re still totally friends” influence to bypass school admin to get new equipment/supplies. Still deeply conflicted about the whole Reaper Emperor thing, but it does have its perks.)

Samara. (Retires, spends most of her time looking after her remaining daughter, Falere. The Emperor visits occasionally.)

Wrex. (Personally asks the Emperor to bless the first child he has with Bakara on Tuchanka.)

Of the people who were not part of the Normandy, but still remained important to her:

The Rachni Queen. (Probably the deepest friendship she made next to Liara and Miranda. The Rachni Queen knew what the Emperor-as-Shepard was and has remained grateful for all the time she never gave up on her. It is believed that the Rachni are in tune with the Ziggurat. The main Rachni Hive and the Xenomorph Hive found ways to connect to one another, forming a unique relationship. Sometimes, the Rachni Queen can be seen in the lower levels of the Ziggurat.)

Aria T’Loak. (Aria is at first, like many, deeply conflicted about the Emperor. But what Aria values most of all is loyalty, respect, and competence. The Emperor-as-Shepard has always respected her, it is the reason why she did not question Aria’s actions or decisions when taking back Omega. After the war, Aria requested that there be no Reapers in Omega air-space. She didn't want them hovering around her station. The Emperor agreed. While there may be Reaper agents on the station, they make sure not to cause trouble for Aria and willingly hand over information they believe she may find useful. The Emperor promised that Aria would always be in power on Omega.)

The Emperor is there with them until the end, even those who she did not remain super close to after her ascension. She is there when they are old, when they are about to pass, making sure they are not in pain, comforting them, and letting them look at her face one last time. She respects that they do not want to be Harvested and attends each of their funerals. 600 years later, there are only a few who remain and the Emperor watches as their children and descendants grow to fulfill their potentials, add to their legacies, keep the spark of their ancestors alive. The Emperor is not sad when her friends pass, but the Milky Way feels a little emptier without them.

BIRCH

1. Has your OC ever experienced something that changed them irrevocably? If so, then how do they view the person they were before?

There were a few.

2172 CE. The cutting of her hair at the age of 18. The end of childhood. When she was accepted into the Alliance academy at Annapolis, she had to cut her long hair. The Great Family all gathered around her to watch as Lilith cut the Emperor-as-Shepard’s hair to a length acceptable within Alliance regulations. This was also the beginning of her hunger, as she was longer allowed to eat stars until her transformation was complete.

2176 CE. The Skyllian Blitz. The beginning of her pain and the decay of her body. She comes back with a hero with a body broken by shrapnel, gored by falling ship parts, her jaw completely burned. While the Alliance sorted out the situation and prepared her N7 recommendation, she was sent home to recover. As Lilith helped lower her into a special healing bath, the Emperor-as-Shepard cried from the agony and called Lilith "mother" for the first time.

2183 CE. The devouring of Saren. The first taste of her inheritance, of Azathoth’s gift to her, billions of years in the making. The Reapers are hers, they were made just for her, only for her. They were made for her to fulfill her duty as Extinction. It was the first time she felt full in years, she felt her great relative's love for her. After she ingested all that was left of Sovereign, Azathoth parted the veil that separated it from everything. It entered her dreams, blessing her with gentle kisses on her cheeks, on her forehead, in the space between her eyes. You were born for this, Precious Emperor, it told her. We are waiting for you.

2185 CE. The Lazarus Project. death, rebirth. She carved a timeline of the universe, of every extinction event onto her face. A map of her pain, a map of her hunger, a map of the end of everything. Organics were not meant to look upon the face of the Emperor. Thou shalt not gaze upon the Mouth of God.

2189 CE. The Crucible. The end of Shepard, the beginning of the Reaper Emperor. Nyarlathotep placed behind her head a crown made from the event horizons of primordial black holes. She and Nyx married underneath a chuppah woven since the beginning of the universe. The Emperor wept, overwhelmed with pure joy: the joy of being in her own bodies, the joy of no longer being in pain, the joy of being wedded to her beloved, the joy of being with her family. Welcome home, Precious Emperor.

Even though the Emperor was glad to be rid of her human body, the essence of humanity continues to linger inside her. She may no longer be in pain or have to suffer a vessel she abhorred, but she appreciates having been amongst organic life, even if only for a brief moment. That time has informed her about how to use the Reapers to their fullest potential, adjusting and optimizing the Harvest. In the past, she was just an entity waiting for her inheritance. Now she is someone with a history, experience, and a fuller understanding of organic life. Granted she still operates in ways that are incomprehensible to organics, but she understands them more. She watches them grow and evolve, observing and waiting for the right time to harvest them.

2. Does your OC believe that sometimes a person needs to hit rock bottom before they can begin to rebuild their life? Has this ever been their personal experience? Or would they rather spare someone suffering, even if it meant they failed to learn from their mistakes over and over again?

Not necessarily. She’s seen people who have turned themselves around just before they reach the bottom. Her history and trajectory as Shepard was so unique and wildly different from any normal human/organic that she doesn't really apply her own experience to some universal belief about how people should live their lives.

But like, you should learn from your mistakes. You don't need the Emperor to tell you that, man.

3. Does your OC recover quickly from injuries? Or has it got harder for them to keep bouncing back as they’ve got older? If so, is this something they would ever admit?

Early on in her military career, she could recover from pretty bad injuries fairly quickly. The worst was the Skyllian Blitz, which was the start of the intense pain that she never recovered from until her ascension. (Not even the Lazarus Project could deal with the pain, simply because of the nature of her body as a temporary human vessel.) As she got older and during the war, recovery slowed down because of the amount of stress she was under and the fact that her body was barely holding on, to the point where even Dr. Chakwas had to consult Nyarlathotep for help. When she reached the Crucible, she was glad to finally be rid of her human body.

Now in her Reaper Emperor form, she rarely if ever gets injured. Both her biomechanical body and her tentacles are incredibly sturdy, it's very hard to inflict any kind of damage or breakage to them. But if she were to get injured, the xenomorphs would help patch her up. The resin they produce is the medium through which her body can rebuild itself if need be. Tfw you have to 3D print your mom back together. But like I said, this rarely happens.

4. Has your OC ever made a heroic or unexpected comeback from a dire situation? What helped them to do so?

I would say that surviving going through the Omega-4 Relay and completing the Suicide Mission with no one dying should count as a pretty amazing comeback. Also coming back alive alone after escaping Project Base, but not before slamming the asteroid into the Alpha Relay. It got rebuilt again, elsewhere. Also oops, war crimes.

5. Has your OC ever been part of a wider cultural or spiritual renaissance? Perhaps following the defeat of an occupying force? Or the rediscovery of long-lost wisdom? Or even a reinterpretation of existing traditions?

Her ascension as the Reaper Emperor has irrevocably changed the entirety of the Milky Way. People still remain afraid of the Reapers, but they have also become a fact of life. They are everywhere, the Emperor always watching, always listening, everywhere all at once. The Harvest is a perpetual one, never ending, slow and steady for 50,000 years until the next one that devours entire species and civilizations. 600 years later, there are entire generations that only know the Reapers and the Reaper Emperor.

The Emperor's favoritism towards Earth has led to some intense changes on the human homeworld. More and more humans on Earth are blurring the line between organic and machine. Some may only do very limited augmentation, but many others have replaced their entire bodies in order to transcend human flesh. Some even agree to undergo high-level Indoctrination in order to serve the Emperor and the Reapers.

Perhaps the biggest development is the veneration of Ardi and Lucy. Humans on Earth will make pilgrimages to Ethiopia, to the place where they are kept, leaving offerings and prayers in every language and religion. Humans on Earth believe that doing so allows them to honor human evolution and remain in touch with their humanity. Once a year, the Emperor and her children will visit in person to leave stones and flowers at the shrine to Ardi and Lucy. (Stones for eternity, flowers for beauty.)

The first time the Emperor visited, the keepers opened up the protective glass and she removed her veil to carefully place two kisses next to their bones, next to the areas where their cheeks would be. Gentle blessings for the first mothers of humanity, because they were truly marvelous and special.

#messages from the deep #the reaper emperor #night and extinction #echthr0s #cracks my back while getting up from my desk #i did say that i am incapable of shutting up about my blorbo and her family

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anzynai · 7 months

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jai how do you feel about ena shinonome

SORRY LOMLLLL this was forever ago but i kinda uh completely forgot about it,,, but there’s no time like the present so let me talk about one of my favorite characters EVER and since u so graciously sent me this ask, i WILL be using this as my excuse to rant

SO FIRST OF ALL, i feel like she’s just very realistic. she puts so much time into her art and yet never thinks it looks good enough. it doesn’t help that her father is a bitch and is always like “u don’t have talent blah blah blah” WHEN SHE DOES, if you’ve seen the tiny little glimpses of her artwork that is shown through various of her cards (because they refuse to give us an actual closeup😞) but as many characters are characterized as these like selfless beings who can do no wrong, i enjoy the aspect of ena’s character that is NOT that.

she struggles with seeing how good her art is so she seeks validation through her selfies, since they get so much more attention than her illustrations. she doesn’t always take well to constructive criticism, though she is working in improving that, when she begins taking her old teacher’s classes again. and, well, she’s not always nice, which is an aspect i admire because again, it doesn’t portray her as perfect because she does lash out, she is selfish at times, and sometimes, she does things that she shouldn’t have.

still, i admire that she works on those things. i love the good things about her the most. she’s never pushy. she had never pressured or tried to pressure mizuki to reveal their secret to her and sure, whatever, bare minimum, but with so many people or characters who don’t do that nowadays, it’s respectable and admirable that she knows boundaries. she’s actually pretty sweet, you can tell she cares about her friends and i love her relationship with akito because it’s so realistic. i love the other pairs of siblings, but they fight like normal siblings, but yet show they care in other ways. i also enjoy her sarcasm and how easy it is for the others, namely mizuki, to rule her up.

people talk about how they don’t like her because of how she treated mafuyu, but it just feels like she says what needs to be said. i think everyone tiptoes around mafuyu, but that’s not always the best solution and i’m glad that ena was the one to do that. people have also said they don’t like how she treats akito. but like, akito isn’t the sweetest with her either. anyways, she’s typically only “mean” when she’s literally having a mental breakdown, which isn’t necessarily an excuse, but it’s not like that’s the only time they interact. they frequently go shopping together and even sometimes visit cheesecake shops. PLUS SHOULD I MENTION THE FACT THAT SHE LITERALLY WAS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED HE TRY SINGING IN THE FIRST PLACE? also bonus but i thought it was cute: but on one of the 4koma’s, it’s akito’s birthday and on the cheesecake box, she does this really cute doodle of him on it.

ALSO, the reason that caught my attention of her at first, to be honest,,, was that she’s really pretty. i really really really love short hair and maybe some might think she’s plain, but she’s just so pretty and has an amazing personality to match.

anyways, i love ena shinonome!!!!!

#ena shinonome #jai talks a lot #jai’s friends #my favorite <3 #jai’s asks #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PAYTON #AND I LOVE ENA SHINONOME TOO

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iguessitsjustme · 2 years

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Love in the Air - Soundtrack

I was asked by @gillianthecat for my thoughts on the Love in the Air soundtrack. This is not going to be as long or as in depth as my previous post about the soundtrack in Old Fashion Cupcake (here) because I honestly can’t bring myself to rewatch any of the episodes of this show. I enjoy it for what it is, and...that’s all I’ll say on the matter.

***Disclaimer! I am not a musician, I am not an expert, I am just a person who likes soundtracks. This is just my opinion and you are more than welcome to disagree with it.

The LITA soundtrack has baffled me each week because I do genuinely enjoy the music in the show, but I don’t think the soundtrack works. It’s not good. And this is something that I sort of talked about in my OFC post when trying to determine if a soundtrack is good. The music in LITA is excellent, don’t get me wrong, I love me a good piece of classical music. Some of my favorite songs of all time are classical pieces (please someone listen to Scheherazade and love it as much as I do). So if LITA has good music, why don’t I say it has a good soundtrack? Because it doesn’t fit the show. The music, while good doesn’t match the scenes that it’s being used for. A few times the music has even taken me out of the show (only once or twice but still). The purpose of a soundtrack is the set and/or match the tone of the show and it fails in LITA.It should never, ever be take the audience out of the show entirely (*stares at that scene in the kitchen where Payu sings to Rain* what was that)

To me, it feels like the music producer of the show found some classical pieces that sort of fit the scenes and then just threw them in the show and let it play. There might have been some arrangement that happened to some of the pieces to help the music fit the scene better, but the one example I can think of for that actually I think made it worse than if they had just kept the song how it was originally arranged. (See mini analysis here). Just because the music is good, doesn’t mean it works for a soundtrack. The one scene that I can think of off the top of my head that had a song that actually worked was the scene with Rain and Payu in the bathtub. The song mimicked the rain that Rain (lol) waited for Payu in as well as the water pouring over them in the tub and Payu rinses/washes Rain. The song builds until we get to the culmination of Rain’s feelings, he says he forgives Payu and leans in for a kiss. The song leads perfectly into their sex scene where the original arrangement at the original tempo would have worked much better. They are already hot and heavy at that point, there is no need to slow down the pace. Especially when the show is naturally doing that with silence already. When Payu and Rain slow down themselves, the music backs off so much it’s almost imperceptible that it’s still playing. And I have sensitive ears. It’s a gorgeous piece, it just doesn’t work for the scene the way they did it.

Nothing in this soundtrack feels deliberate like it was chosen/composed specifically because it fit the show. The soundtrack is for what the show thinks it is instead of how the show actually is. Did I go into LITA expecting a killer soundtrack? No. It’s a MAME show. I went in with low expectation for pretty much everything, including soundtrack. Now I’m in the weird situation where I’m saying that the show has a bad soundtrack, but I highly encourage people seek out the songs in the show because they are actually really fucking good. So tldr; LITA has good music, but a bad soundtrack. Just because classical music is fantastic and can seamlessly blend into the background of the show doesn’t mean the piece is necessarily a good fit for the soundtrack. The job of the soundtrack is tonal and LITA is ultimately a MAME show so honestly, kudos to the people that put together the soundtrack for even making an attempt at it.

#love in the air #love in the air the series #love in the air bl #rae does music analysis #like i said feel free to disagree with me but respectfully please #i'm always open to hear other opinions #i have other issues with this show but again i know it's MAME #i knew what i was signing up for #also this is technically the second day of musical analysis #i have one post for every day this week

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twistedtummies2 · 2 years

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Good & Evil - Redeemed Villains

Welcome to Good & Evil: A Study of Heroes & Villains. I’m discussing different forms of heroic and villainous characters, different types of protagonists and antagonists, and providing examples of them each from various sources. Today, we’ll be talking less about a type of character, and more about a character arc. These are Redeemed or Redeemable Villains. Redemption is a powerful idea: reform and forgiveness go hand-in-hand with this concept. It’s one thing for a character to say they’ve changed, but they don’t necessarily have to mean it. And for those that do mean it, reformation means nothing unless the world is willing to give one a chance. THAT’S redemption: it’s not simply saying you’re sorry and you’re going to change, it’s that same sentiment actually having substance and being accepted by others. The concept of redemption is another idea that seems fairly revolutionary, but it’s been around at least since the age of Shakespeare, if not longer: in “King Lear,” the main villain of the story, Edmund, is a pretty nasty customer for most of the story…but in his dying moments, he repents and helps the heroes out, giving them a chance to try and stop the damage he’s caused. Indeed, many villains who seek redemption find it too late to enjoy whatever repentance they’ve experienced: even if they are mourned, they still pay the price for their evil deeds early on. Of course, not all villains who face redemption suffer for their crimes: some are able to enjoy the forgiveness and repentance they earn. Seeing these characters go from evil to good is the basis for some of the greatest stories in fiction.

Perhaps the most classical example is Ebenezer Scrooge, the central figure of Charles Dickens’ yuletide masterpiece, “A Christmas Carol.” At the start of the piece, there can be no denying that Scrooge is the villain of his own story, a Villain Protagonist. While he does nothing ILLEGAL, per say, his greed and his disdain for the world around him paint him out as a pretty nasty customer. He cares for nothing but his own profits, scorns the thought of true love, and, of course, sees everything good about Christmas as a mere “humbug!” When he is visited by the spirit of his former friend and partner, Jacob Marley, and the Three Ghosts of Christmas, not only do we come to learn why Scrooge is the way he is, which makes him more human and sympathetic to us…but we also see Scrooge change as a human being, as he begins to realize how badly he’s been living his life, and how his actions and inactions do have consequences on the world around him. In the end, not only does Scrooge decide he’s going to change his ways, but he sets out to earn forgiveness from a string of increasingly more difficult sources of that nectar, earning his chance to become a truly good man.

Not all villains face complex redemption arcs that span a whole story’s length, however. Many engage in what is termed “the Heel-Face Turn.” This when a character acts as the villain for the majority of the story, but towards the end of the tale, something happens that causes them to have a startling revelation. And this revelation inspires the villain to change and become good. Like I said before, many villains of this sort don’t get the chance to enjoy what happens later, but some actually do. For an example of this, look no further than Scrooge’s American Cousin, Dr. Seuss’ classic curmudgeon, the Grinch. In every version of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” - from the book to the cartoon to both of the feature-length film treatments (not to mention the stage musical) - the Grinch doesn’t turn good until right near the end of the story. Up until that point, he is a villain, plain and simple: a fiendish ne’er-do-well who revels in the misery he expects to cause, gleefully mocking and mangling the Christmas holiday as he seeks to eradicate it from Whoville. It’s not till AFTER he’s already “stolen Christmas” that the Grinch realizes the error of his ways. This realization strikes him so hard, the Grinch vows to change, and hurries to undo all the wrong he did up to that point.

For those villains that DO have a long redemption arc, the change from Villain to Hero is not always so straightforward. Sometimes they go through several stages and archetypes, as they steadily shift from evil to good. This is most common in television and in long written works with multiple installments; such stretched-out forms of media allow for characters to develop gradually, over the course of numerous episodic appearances. In the anime “FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood,” there are a few villains who end up being redeemed in the end (and a few who never repent or reform), but perhaps the most noteworthy is the Ishvalan extremist known simply as Scar. Scar starts off the show as a Villain, plain and simple: a serial killer who goes about killing alchemists in brutal fashion, due to some misguided, zealous beliefs. As the series goes on, however, not only does Scar show more and more sympathetic qualities to himself and his backstory, but he begins to change his morality as a person. He runs the full gamut, going from Villain to Sympathetic Villain to Anti-Hero to Flawed Hero…and finally, one would argue, to a full-blooded, true-blue Hero.

On that note, One of my favorite examples of a Redeemed Villain, and one of the most recent, is Varian from Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure (a.k.a. Tangled: The Series). This is because Varian actually goes through TWO different story arcs. He starts off the series as a Fallen Hero (more on that setup another time), and ends the show as a Redeemed Villain. When the series begin, Varian is a friend and ally to Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, our main protagonists. However, a variety of incidents and misunderstandings causes Varian to go…well…kind of freaking insane, to be blunt, and he transforms into the show’s first “Big Bad,” acting as the villainous main antagonist for the latter part of Season 1. When we next meet Varian, however, it turns out the young alchemist has had time to cool down and rethink his life choices, and he ultimately decides to turn over a new leaf and try to make up for his past misdeeds. This isn’t an element that goes away, as - post-Redemption - Varian still has to deal with his dark past and the consequences of his actions. He remains racked with guilt, and still has some dark sides to his personality that pop up here and there. By the end of the show, though, he’s truly become one of the Heroes again.

Some characters who face redemption may stop being Villains, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they stop being Antagonists. After all, old habits die hard. Actor John DeLancie has played at least two examples of such a thing: Q from the Star Trek franchise, and Discord from “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” In both of these cases, these characters start off the show as chaos-spreading Villains, plain and simple, with few redeeming values to speak of. They’re entertaining, but they’re seemingly pure evil. HOWEVER, after a couple of episodes, both characters face some sort of crisis moment, and realize that maybe their philosophy of life is completely wrong, and there are things they’ve come to value they never valued before. It’s recognizing these new values that allows both characters to reform and seek redemption…HOWEVER, even after both of them “go good,” neither stops being an antagonistic presence. Q and Discord are each chaotic trickster figures: mischief-makers who may not always intend outright ill will towards anyone, but certainly cause plenty of trouble any time they show up. Even when trying to do ostensibly good things, their roundabout methods wreak havoc, and both are still selfish and egotistical creatures who don’t always make the right choices. In others words, while they CAN be Heroic characters, they more often play the role of Anti-Villain or Anti-Hero: still a sign of change, but clearly there are a few bugs in the system that need to be sorted out.

Redeemed Villains are unique because, in essence, they represent what Heroes ultimately represent: hope. However, because of the arc they face - starting off evil and becoming good again - they give us hope in a very different and unique way. Redeemed Villains teach us the basic lesson that it’s never too late to change one’s ways. As long as one is alive, there is always a chance to do something good, something better, with the life one has. On top of that, they also teach us that forgiveness, while not always easy to gain, is almost never impossible to earn: if thieves and murderers can be accepted and forgiven despite their past misdeeds, it makes us feel that we, too, can be forgiven for any trespasses we’ve done against others. Even if we can’t make up for it completely, and even if there’s always a chance we’ll still make mistakes later on, learning from our own wrongdoings is an important part of life. Redeemed Villains, in a way, teach us that, no matter what, there’s always room to learn and improve as people.

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vohtaro · 2 years

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Madara, 5, 6, 11, 20, 22, 27, 40

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

Very clean and orderly. Madara strikes me as the type to not be able to stand much clutter. He’s the type to clean up immediately after he eats. He cleans while he cooks, too (imo he’d probably prefer to generally eat the same set of things and become rather efficient with preparing them; a benefit of that is that he knows when he can spend time tidying versus spending time focusing on making his meal). It’s a clear indication of well-being if his usual workspaces become less orderly than normal.

6. Eating habits and sample daily menu

Madara eats as he needs to, not for the sake of it. This probably comes from frequent missions/battles growing up, learning to always be prepared for a battle at any time. He wouldn’t want to face an enemy on an empty stomach, but he wouldn’t want to be full, either. Becoming clan head didn’t change this habit either. He always ensured the well-being of his clanspeople sooner than his own, ensuring there was enough food for everyone else before he worried about himself. There was plenty for him to focus on anyways that he’d typically be found eating at random hours of the day, usually while working on something else simultaneously. He’s used to going without food when necessary.

These habits show themselves after founding the village. While Hashirama adapts to having more of a pattern around eating at certain times of the day, Madara can often become engrossed in his work to the point that he doesn’t notice his hunger until it’s been 8-10 hours since his last meal. If he sits for a meal, he doesn’t necessarily take his time with it. He appreciates his food, but he knows he has other duties that need his attention, so he won’t spend much time with his meal. (Hashirama is far more comfortable with multi-hour meals, and he can occasionally convince Madara to indulge him every so often. It helps that the village comes up every so often, so it doesn’t completely feel like wasted time to Madara.)

As far as what he normally eats, there are the usuals like his love for inarizushi. I think he has a secret sweet tooth but he’s particular about what he wants. I also think he would really enjoy spicy food. Like, “the thing you are eating is a concerning shade of bright red” kind of spicy. Of course not to the point that the food is no longer enjoyable to eat, but he has an insane tolerance by the time he is an adult. He may have accidentally ruined Hashirama one evening by preparing what he thought was a “mildly hot” meal that left Hashirama writhing on on the floor, sobbing pathetically about his burning tongue.

Tangentially related, I think he enjoys cooking. I know I said he likes to be efficient when it comes to eating, but cooking may eventually become a task that serves to relax him. It takes a certain kind of preparation and focus that he comes to value, especially as the village grows and more foods become available to him via means of trade, clan interactions, etc. Cooking is also an extended form of caring (which imo is very core to Madara’s character), so he enjoys cooking for other people. As a kid, that was helping cook for his family with his mother (and then continuing that after she passed), but after the village is founded and he finds himself more isolated, he will eventually cook only for himself and Hashirama, and then finally just for himself.

11. Intellectual pursuits

Hmm. I think he’d enjoy learning to cook from his family members as well as other elders in the village. He also strikes me as the type to seek out knowledge about fables/stories/traditions of other clans as the knowledge becomes more available to him over time. Perhaps what starts as a “finding the upper hand against another clan” or “researching and understanding how a clan works and makes decisions” turns into a genuine fascination towards the traditions and values that other clans have. Madara to me is a man who values understanding the entire picture before him; it gives him better insight into understanding what may happen in the future. Him having a hobby like this maybe leads to him pushing for having some kind of library in the village? Which would genuinely be cute as hell.

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

I like to imagine in some versions of canon that improperly using katon jutsu can really fuck up your lungs. While Madara is a skilled katon user, he had to learn just like anyone else, and surely pushed himself too far to achieve the best version possible in the name of his pride. One particularly bad go at it had him suffering from something akin to bronchitis for a couple of weeks, unable to so much as stand without coughing violently. Pushing himself to elevate his jutsu ended up forcing him to remain behind while his clan and family members fought and died against their enemies, leaving him in a state of anxious helplessness that he vowed never to allow again.

When helping Izuna and his other brothers learn katon jutsu (I hc Madara as a middle child, having one brother older than himself), he was initially overly-strict about their training and ensured they never pushed themselves beyond their limits unnecessarily. He’s viewed as being paranoid and fussy, but the truth of the matter is that he can still feel the after-effects of that recovery on the particularly cold days, when there’s tightness in his chest that he knows isn’t quite normal.

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

He might start making lists. Things that need to be done, various small notes of ideas he has for the village, things of that nature.

27. What is their biggest regret?

He regrets not protecting Izuna the day he was fatally wounded. He regrets not protecting his brothers, and not being strong enough when they died (it doesn’t matter to him that he was a young child, even compared to other shinobi at the time; his regret still remains).

Imo, Madara can reflect well and understand his motivations for his past actions. He can separate his current knowledge from the knowledge he had at the time of his decision-making and acknowledge that he did what he thought was right. However, as it concerns his family and in particular Izuna, those are the moments in his life that will continue to hurt like a twisting knife for the rest of his life.

40. Would you say they have a superiority-complex Inferiority-complex? Neither?

Generally, neither. While he absolutely sees himself as superior during the 4th war arc, i have many more -gestures vaguely, grimaces,- thoughts about who he really is at that point. He gains nothing from being modest when his intention is to essentially control the world via the infinite tsukuyomi.

Madara is prideful and obviously has skill, but we see his humility early on in his very first conversation with Hashirama. I wouldn’t call his confidence a complex, though. He knows he and Hashirama are roughly equal, and he finds far more enjoyment/excitement at finding someone at his own level to challenge him rather than focus on the majority of people whom he could easily outdo.

#my hcs #ask #al-stuffy #these were genuinely very fun to think about and answer i spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking abt a few of them #i also want madara librarian au oh my god that’s the best thing to come out of this for me #imagine him in a sweater vest with glasses (a modern au) PLEASE #tyyyy!!!!

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vacantgodling · 1 year

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some guys being dudes 👁️👁️

hya’s favorite things about amon:

his humor and his “casual personality”: hya’s never had anyone joke with him before, nor anyone who didn’t either shun him for being beneath them or fear him due to his own doing. the fact that amon doesn’t treat him differently than anyone else means more to hya than he will ever readily admit. not only that but the fact that amon isn’t afraid to or isn’t above messing with hya in a non-malicious way. it feels like he’s in on the joke, like amon wants him to enjoy their teases and barbs… so he does

the fact that amon let’s him lead without necessarily giving up control: it’s kind of hard to explain, but essentially hya actually enjoys the fact that amon has a backbone lmao. hya enjoys being in control or leading situations because of trauma (not that he’d call it that but that’s what it is lmao) around not having control of his own life, but at the same time he dislikes when people are too afraid of him to bite back if that makes sense. he doesn’t like people like tagetes who will bite back in a malicious way or try and hold shit over his head bc it’s manipulative and hya hates that shit more than anything. however, amon asserts his opinion and hasn’t ever let hya’s status deter him from expressing his opinion and getting into arguments with hya about it. it makes hya respect him more. and the fact that generally speaking even if it seems like amon is letting hya control the situation, the fact is, he knows amon is letting him control the situation because he wants him to and he’ll push back if he doesn’t. i guess kind of contributes to the fact that hya sees them as equals and amon treats them that way.

he’s goal oriented/driven: kind of straight forward but hya doesn’t really like people who are indecisive or who let their lot in life/circumstances dictate what they want to get out of it. he also likes how amon doesn’t let setbacks stop him from getting what he wants.

he’s a smooth talker but still honest: it’s interesting bc amon doesn’t necessarily view himself as honest, however hya doesn’t see telling people half truths to get what you need as necessarily being dishonest. it’s moreso that hya sees honesty in amon’s intentions most of the time. even if amon started being his paramour for what he could gain from the agreement (and even though hya was Triggered he logically doesn’t necessarily blame him) he also knows that amons care for him became very very real… which is part of what freaked him out in that confession scene ha HA. amon also has a moral code to an extent that hya finds admirable even if he doesn’t necessarily follow himself lol. amon may use other people but he never actively seeks to hurt others or anything like that. he may not tell you what he’s doing but he won’t fuck you over unnecessarily yknow.

and then very superficially hya enjoys amon’s appearance but if all of these i think hya would be willing to admit to this the least LMAO. but he thinks amon is handsome, and likes how he doesn’t look… perfect? he thinks his scars compliment him and speak true to his resilient character and he definitely admires amon’s ass a lot lmao though he’s more blatant about that pffff.

amon’s favorite things about hya:

starting off superficial with amon lmao he loves how hya looks for a multitude of reasons. in terms of physicality, he loves how hya is a mix of both masculinity and femininity, how he is strong (strong enough to throw someone over a banister among other things 👀) and how he cares about his appearance. like the fact that hya puts effort into how he looks and his appearance is intentional and crafted both impresses amon and is pleasing to his eyes lol.

hya embodies truth: even though some would find it questionable because hya’s lack of emotional awareness (and part of me would argue they’re looking at it incorrectly; hya is very aware of how others and himself feel, he just doesn’t like it or doesn’t want to admit to it but it’s not like he isn’t aware of it; he actively chooses not to act on shit or acknowledge shit), but hya never says or does anything that he doesn’t mean. he is unapologetically himself and unlike how amon will play others to get what he needs or wants, hya refuses to do that. he’s uncompromising in it and that’s deadass what really broke amon’s barriers down and really fucked him.

hya’s possessiveness: for a number of reasons lbr but amon loves how hya is possessive because he loves to tease him over his jealousy, but also really enjoys being desired and is fascinated and impressed by the lengths hya will go to get things that he deems are “his”. one of the most honest and truthful ways that hya brings himself to tell amon that he cares for him is the way that he calls amon “his”.

hya is easy to tease: amon didn’t realize how enjoyable talking back and poking fun at someone could be until he and hya got closer. the snarks and snide remarks the two of them have together amuse him and similarly to hya he’s never been so… comfortable around someone like he is with hya. definitely after a certain point bitching at each other and teasing hya is a form of endearment.

hya is surprisingly earnest: this ties back into how hya refuses to be anyone but himself; while he does have a vain streak a mile wide, hya is also surprisingly generous and thoughtful he just… doesn’t acknowledge it most of the time. or like it when people draw attention to it lmao. but amon thinks it’s endearing even if it does piss him off sometimes haha.

#s: paramour #suggestive

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inneskeeper-receipts · 1 year

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RE: the necrophilia and beastiality thing;

Necrophilia is a paraphilia that ranges in how it presents and works from individual to individual. For me, it is purely a fantasy, and not something I ever plan on seeking out in real life- one where I am the corpse. I have experienced a lot of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma since I was a young child which has resulted in me developing this paraphilia. Obviously, I wouldn’t be able to actually engage in this kind of necrophilia in real life because if I was for real dead I couldn’t enjoy it, lol.

(aside: I’d recommend reading up on paraphilias and how they really work rather than what you’ve been taught from pop culture, human sexuality and psychology is really interesting!)

It isn’t something that actually bothers me or necessarily hinders me, especially not anymore, unlike the intrusive thoughts which I suffer from OCD, meaning that it’s not disordered. It took me a while to process for sure. Which, by the way, OCD is what I have, not rejection-sensitive dysphoria, but I guess he is going to armchair diagnose me now? That’s... not really necessary, because I was always very open about my mental health struggles with him throughout the duration of our relationship.

Paraphilias, while often taboo, are separate from morality. We are not our thoughts, our compulsions, or our desires; they do not solely define us, nor do they make us “good” or “bad”. They just are. What matters is our behavior, which only you can be accountable for at the end of the day.

I don’t have any proof to say that Innes would intentionally disclose secretive information about himself only through voice calls on purpose so that I would never have any proof of anything he told me or anything he did to me. I want to believe that this is not some intentional thing he did, but there were plenty of highly calculated fucked up things he did to me that took time. But I don’t have a confession or “proof” of this specific thing. I have some screenshots and scraps here and there. It has been a few years, I have been through a lot. Now that drama-stirrers have gotten involved and he’s directly responding to my claims and experiences, I wouldn’t be surprised if he also started dirty deleting from old chats. I wish I’d had the foresight to archive them in some way, but this whole situation is a lot.

all of that preempting aside, if Innes was merely a paraphile, or just had problematic kinks/was into fictional feral, that would be his personal business and I would not bring it up. It’s not our thoughts, it’s our behaviors that matter. If it affects your life/disturbs you (if it is disordered, in other words) then you should be encouraged to seek help for it, but you can’t force someone to it. However, he admitted to engaging in beastiality with real-life dogs over voice chats on Discord, multiple times.

He even talked about wanting to get a dog to be his “partner.” I told him this made me uncomfortable and upset but sometimes I felt like I had no other choice but to humor him on this stuff, because he always found a way to twist things around and make me feel guilty for not being okay with his pro-contact zoophilia. like how he would say that his came from trauma too. the problem isn’t the paraphilia itself but that if you act on it you’re taking advantage of an animal’s trust in you when they can’t possibly consent in real life, and even if you have a paraphilia as a result of a traumatic event that doesn’t really give you a free pass to do things that hurt other living beings.

When it comes to this all I can do is tell my truth and know that the people who believe me will, and they’ll have my back, and that is what matters ultimately. I just am tired of being told to keep quiet about my experiences, I need to be able to talk about this actually. I’m scared, for now, but it’ll get better and I’ll feel better for finally being able to admit to myself and to others that what I went through wasn’t okay.

The screenshotted discussion was being had in a channel explicitly for serious discussions, and I did not and still don’t allow minors into my discord servers. This wasn’t something I had just brought up in a general chat, for no reason. (& it’s also not something I’m terribly secretive about.) We frequently had discussions like that in that chat, but multiple people privately messaged me to tell me that Innes at this specific instance made them uncomfortable, and we changed the subject.

I cropped out the part where I was discussing necrophilia because it just wasn’t relevant, because I’m not fucking real-life corpses unlike how Innes confessed to engaging in real-life beastiality.

Originally, this sideblog was just a dumping grounds for my thoughts on this matter, and I’ve privated/deleted/edited a lot of my posts for a variety of reasons. I don’t remember everything I’ve posted on here all of the time, but nonetheless, I should’ve included a better, more complete and coherent context of the screenshots for the sake of clarity and transparency, and I’m sorry for any confusion or anger I might’ve caused by not doing that.

I went back and edited some posts earlier, and tumblr is finally showing the option to make things unrebloggable (I literally haven’t had it on any of my blogs until like, this morning. webbed site. still don’t have the option on the app.) so I might go and make a bunch of my posts unrebloggable because if people are just going to try and stir drama rather than actually like. engage or listen to me or do anything useful/constructive, I don’t really want any part of it tbh

#inneskeeper #zoo*

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myinvisibleheart · 1 year

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Out of the fog

2022 will always be a difficult year in my memory. Not necessarily because of the things that happened in it, but because it was this year that my eyes were truly opened to the reality surrounding some of the people who were and still are - at least by blood - the closest to me.

I expect, at the outset, not to be understood by those close to me. It is a universally established truth that most people would rather stay asleep in the comfort of a lie than be painfully awoken to an undesirable reality. It is also true that we are at some level hardwired to love and defend and take the side of our families, because blood is thicker than water. But sadly, when that allegiance is blind - when it means defending and excusing those who behave badly while dismissing those hurt by them - that loyalty has gone too far.

In March 2022, I came to know that my brother “Josh” is an alleged rapist. Alleged by someone I believe to be very credible. Not only did he drug, take advantage of, and rape a girl he met through his social media platform, she actually became pregnant and had an abortion. She went on to file a Title IX allegation against him which is currently ongoing, and it is my understanding that her report was matched to at least one other report previously filed against him for sexual misconduct.

This is coherent with what I know of Josh: he sexually abused someone I love dearly during our childhood. He shows no moral compass and lies prolifically. He built an entire social media following and got the fame he has today by telling lies about how he had overcome abandonment by his family and faced a period of homelessness, which is absurd seeing as he both moved out and cut contact with our family on his own terms and was only homeless if you consider living at other people’s homes for months to years rent-free to be homelessness.

It sickens me to watch him lie to the whole world, even involving some of our more distant relatives who don’t know our family well enough to see through his lies. He is a wicked, dangerous, and completely self-absorbed individual, and being hard-working and successful doesn’t atone for being a sociopath and a rapist.

But most of the time, wicked, deceitful people are not simply born that way. They are made. There is a thread weaving through all the most tragic, regrettable circumstances in my immediate family history, and it has come - sadly - through my own mother.

I do not believe there is anything that can ever fully take away a child’s desire to love and be in a healthy relationship with their mother. That desire remains so strong that for many years I practically worshipped my mother, as I’m sure she appreciated. Even as the cracks began to appear and adulthood gave me increased exposure to healthy adult emotional behavior, I still loved my mom and believed that she just had a few blind spots or areas that needed improvement.

But after several fits and starts, it became apparent to me that trying to be loved or understood by my mother is like trying to see your reflection in a wall. The personal things that I trusted her with were, on many occasions, later used as areas of weakness to specifically attack and cause distress. Over my life I have seen her behave in ways I have never seen a well-adjusted member of society act - screaming on a frequent basis, accusing, seeking to cause hurt, withholding affection, giving the silent treatment as a way of “punishing” anyone who drew attention to her bad behavior, and worst of all, enjoying it. After an extremely petty situation 2 years ago, the details of which are really too silly to go into (in short, I left something of my mom’s out in the rain unintentionally for 10 minutes with no resulting damage), she escalated this into a situation in which she spoke viciously to her roommate at the time and in the aftermath refused to take responsibility for her behavior entirely. We did not speak beyond the occasional email for nearly 4 months. My mother has proven repeatedly that whether she is involved in my life or not means very little to her by her very minimal investment in our relationship, even in the absence of conflict. Being “right” or rather, believing herself to be right is much more precious than any family relationship.

Again, as I am writing this, it has been over five months since my mother and I have spoken in any meaningful way. Five months ago she calls me, and not five minutes in has - out of the blue - questioned me of being a lazy procrastinator. “Tell me the truth, do ANY of your coworkers struggle this much to get their work done?” Spoken in a condescending tone that says she can’t wait to hear me squirm when I admit I am the only one. (I am far from the only one and have explained many times the difficult situation our staff faces at work.) She is aware of this, yet goes and paints this struggle in my life as one of my own making - my own moral failure. When I tell her her behavior is completely hurtful and unacceptable, she simply refuses to answer. Lets the line go silent without hanging up. After a few minutes of trying to give her a chance to speak, I have no other option but to end the call. An hour or so later she texts me - “Sorry you’re stressed, but those things you said about me aren’t true. I don’t accept them. We can talk sometime when you’re feeling less stressed. But not tonight.”

She can yell and name call and say horrid things about her roommate and about me, but that’s not her fault. She can call me up and pick a fight within 5 minutes by asking an insulting question for absolutely no reason other than a desire to see the worst in others, but that’s my fault. If her behavior upsets me, it’s not her behavior that’s wrong, it is always, always my fault for being upset. That’s not a house of mirrors I’m willing to live in.

A house of mirrors distorts everything that is reflected in it, and I see - more clearly now - how my mother has always distorted the narrative.

It hurts me to write this, but a frequent refrain in my childhood memories is what happened late at night. Late at night, mom and dad would fight. Dad would raise his voice, but mom would scream. If you imagined the most hateful, passionate accusing shriek that should somewhat do the trick. It’s how I imagine the lady from the woman vs cat meme would sound in video. Mom has before told me the story of how embarrassed she was when I proudly went around at age 2 at a family party saying “You pig!” because she knew it would be obvious where I had learned that behavior. She was embarrassed for herself, and was reminded to watch her speech. Not a bad takeaway, but I have yet to hear her express any concern for how it might have affected me to go to sleep to the lullaby of her hateful screaming. Things changed dramatically when I was 10. The day before my father died, I was upset with him about something. I think it was him embarrassing me at the public pool with his manic antics. He made me hot chocolate and sat down on the couch with me and I don’t know what all he talked about but there was a brokenness in his face and I’ll never forget him saying, “It’s been 18 long, hard, years of marriage.” I don’t know if he knew then how close his marriage was to being over. But we lost him the next day, after my mother felt it was reasonable to leave my father in a manic state, immediately after a 3 am fight, highly upset, and alone. And may I add, unmedicated. Medication was not something he ever wanted to take, but neither was it something she encouraged for him. Mental illness is a punishment for sin, it is the consequence of a guilty conscience, she would express. The cure was prayer and being right with God.

My mother never took any of us to therapy after our father died. Instead she comforted me by telling me how it was really for the best that our dad had died, our lives would be better now that he was gone, and that God was rewarding her faithfulness to her marriage vows (by killing my dad off so she could be free of him without divorcing him). I loved my mom and so, as disgusted as I feel to say this, I believed and agreed with her. In the time that I have been alive, my mother has never been without someone to be a punching bag, a proverbial scapegoat, someone to pawn all of her problems off onto. From my birth until age 10, that was my dad. After he passed, at some point it became my brother Josh. The way things worked in our family was that there wasn’t really much in the way of emotional love, or heart connection. About the closest thing to that was Mom’s “approval.” Sure there were hugs and “I love you’s,” there just wasn’t much of the kind of stuff that makes that feel genuine. The way you got the most approval was by being the most like my mom, the most compliant, the most well-behaved, the most like her. Josh was, and by a long shot, the least like her.

Growing up, Josh was mischievous and got his share of spankings and then some. I think the seeds of deep dysfunction were there from the start but there was a period of time, really up until about the time I went off to college in 2011, where his dynamic with my mom was not nearly so dark. Retrospectively though, this is around the time he began perpetrating sexual abuse. Further into his teens things became very rocky and I was deeply disturbed at how bad the dynamic had become at home when I would come back for breaks. Around that time I had begun using an audio recorder at college for my classes. The way my mom and brother would talk to each other in the kitchen at the breakfast table no less was very inappropriate to me and so I essentially said, “If you guys are okay with talking to each other this way, then it shouldn’t be a problem if I record it.” With their knowledge, I recorded a number of conversations during 2013/2014 while visiting from college. Only recently, with fresh and distanced ears could I really hear how badly each one treated the other. Josh picked fights constantly, never missing a chance to provoke, manipulate, and spin things around in his favor. His ability to create a 60 minute issue out of the most minor things is almost an art form. My mother either would not or could not put him in his place, seemingly completely reactive and always playing defense rather than offense in their conversations. Unable to skillfully converse with him, her weapon of choice was either telling him he was wrong (not that he cared) or cutting him down and saying incredibly demeaning and disheartening things to him. In the same way that my mother spoke nothing but badly of my late father virtually every time we talked about him, there was more than one conversation in which she and the other siblings all agreed, nay, took for granted that Josh was the problem. Josh was persona non grata. I don’t think I doubted by the time of these recordings that Josh had a problem. What I was surprised by, years later, was how appalled I was at the things my mother said to him. A relationship between a parent and a minor is not an equal one. Although my brother was an extremely difficult child, that in no way excuses my mother’s constant outbursts, terrible example, and complete failure to demonstrate any emotional maturity. She gave full expression to everything she thought about him (99% negative) with no thought of how it must feel as a child to be verbally gut-punched by your only parent. I was told he ended their relationship after she told him he was going to hell, or going to burn in hell, something to that effect.

And now she is back to the drawing board - one punching bag dead, the other punching bag estranged. (Another punching bag/roommate driven off.) I don’t believe she has a single punching bag now so much as an uncomfortable void, a lack of people to absorb her deep darkness and negativity. And so she calls me up on a peaceful Sunday night with her sleeves rolled up and the gloves on.

But this time, the call won’t go through.

Although wordy, this essay is necessary to begin to capture some of the breadth and depth of deep dysfunctional patterns in my immediate family. I have come to understand that my mother fits the description of a covert narcissist, someone who, definitionally, lacks empathy and is unable to truly connect their heart to another person’s heart. My mother could not do this with her spouse or any of her children. She is unable to take responsibility, genuinely reflect, or give an unprompted genuine, heartfelt apology. She believes she is always right, and if not perfect, “did the best she could.” (I highly disagree with the notion that she could not possibly have behaved better than the type of behavior I witnessed for 18+ years - that’s a bold claim for anyone.) But in spite of all these things, my mother does not wear the typical gaudy mask of classic narcissism. Covert narcissism is the same self-absorbed inside with a different exterior: solitary, brooding, forever playing the victim and seeing themselves as misunderstood.

I don’t think I need to explain to anyone what type of narcissist Josh is… he pretty much wrote the textbook on that one.

I continue to unlearn and deprogram from the things my mother told me growing up:

You’re more spiritual than the other kids at church. People who let their kids watch Harry Potter and play in marching band and listen to rock music aren’t real Christians.

I’m concerned that band has become an idol in your lives. I don’t think I’m going to let you participate in the future. (Followed by weeks of sheer terror trying to talk her out of forbidding us from the one extracurricular outlet we had and loved.) This emotional terrorism happened on multiple occasions.

Trash-talking our relatives. Despite the fact that all of them were/are extremely kind and generous to our family. Calling them materialistic, worldly, criticizing their parenting, etc.

Telling my dad I was getting chubby around age 8 or 9.. after which I went the whole summer eating only one meal a day and had actually lost 3 lbs at my annual checkup the next year.

Demonizing all fat people and saying they aren’t real Christians (but I’m thin, I fast twice a month, etc). Always stressing the importance of being and staying thin

People (esp men) only go for looks. That’s why no one likes me or understands me, just because they judge me for my looks. They’re all shallow.

Using Christianity as a reason to feel superior to other people, even if subconsciously. Because she sure as hell looked down on other people and encouraged me to as well.

If people dislike you, it means you’re doing something right. And if you’re a Christian, doesn’t matter what it is you did that they don’t like, they definitely are persecuting you because you’re a Christian!

And more quality content:

When I was struggling with bad anxiety one summer in college: “I don’t know how to help you.”

Anytime I want emotional support: “This isn’t really something I can help you with. At your age you need to learn to rely on God.” Translation: You’re over 18, my job is done, I can’t - and what’s more - have no desire to share your emotional burdens

When I was under a ton of stress my first semester of grad school and having panic attacks: “Are you sure there’s not some hidden sin in your life?” Interestingly, the onset and end of the panic attacks correlated precisely with my time in grad school. I guess my sin was studying too much?

When I was experiencing imposter syndrome in grad school: “You may be right. Maybe you have bitten off more than you can chew.” Not, “remember the ways you’ve overcome in the past and the hard things you’ve done” but “yeah, you may have a point there. Maybe you should quit.”

Having a casual conversation about the possibility of her watching my children someday: “What makes you think I would want to? They’ll probably be brats”

Three months ago, I turned 30. If I live to a ripe old age, a full third of my life will have been warped and darkened by the endless vortex of negativity and projected self-hatred that a person with narcissism brings to the table. That is quite enough for one lifetime. I have accepted the reality that narcissism is not a problem which can be fixed, it is a permanent mental prison for the narcissist - a prison they have locked themselves in and refuse to leave. I wash my hands, because the Lord knows, I have tried. The Lord knows who suffered during our first estrangement. And I know who sat back, enjoying a break from the obligation of talking to me, enjoying the power trip of having the leverage to hurt me. The Lord who made us knows that there are needs in our hearts that go much deeper than mechanical motions of putting food on the table and clothes in the closet. And when the one person capable of meeting those fundamental emotional needs to be seen, understood, and unconditionally loved, does not meet them, that - to say nothing of the death of the other parent - is a massive wound.

I feel very confident in saying at this point in my life, that both my brother and my mother are narcissists and abusers. I feel sympathy for my brother in that our mother did emotionally abuse and mistreat him, but I realize this was a multifactorial issue and ultimately he has chosen to become an abuser himself, repeating the cycle. I do not excuse him.

Neither do I excuse my mother. My mother has suffered, mostly because of the consequences of her own choices, which she frequently seems to miss. She did not lose a spouse and become a widow in some freak accident. She married a highly mentally ill man, did not insist on proper treatment for his illness, and left him in an extremely vulnerable state, after which he ended his life. Choices have consequences. Raising 4 children alone takes strength, and she did well on paper with a good support system. But no amount of physical care and education makes up for the complete emotional vacancy in our lives. But honestly, the stuff she did right WAS the hard stuff. What’s not (or shouldn’t be hard) is to be kind. To have conversations with your kids, get to know them, care about them, love them, be wiser than them in the arena of human relationships and interactions. Instead my mother showed me how to fight, how to judge, how to be defensive, how to hate, and how to deal with conflict by giving the silent treatment. Ultimately, her failure to ever develop emotionally as a person made her a devastatingly poor parent in terms of emotional intelligence. Emotionally I was an orphan from the age of 10 on. Despite a very rocky start after leaving the coop at age 18, 11 years later I can say I have a much better grasp on human emotion and relationships. There are huge bumps in the road but I’m learning because I want to and am committed to break these patterns. Meanwhile, my mother has not moved from the level of emotional maturity she had when I left home. Her dysfunctional narcissistic manipulations continue over and over as though I’m too dense to pick up the pattern after this long. And so our worlds drift ever further apart.

In conclusion, as I said at the outset, I expect to be misunderstood. People understand abuse when it is physical, but emotional abuse is much more difficult to believe or take seriously. It is more easily brushed off. But God knows I have told this account honestly. And I know that those who know - not one or two, but every member of my immediate family - have described the experience of living with my mom as a difficult one and shared the same sentiment that her behavior is far, far outside of what is normal or healthy. A few extended family and friends have gotten close enough to observe this pattern as well. But my mom does have a distinct public vs private persona and tends to fly under the radar of most.

When my frustrations with my mom’s behavior began to mount in the past five or so years, I did many mental gymnastics to justify her seeming inability to grow or change. Any honest conversation where I brought up a concern about XYZ behavior being hurtful would be turned around and reflected back on me. Instantly she would shut down and begin accusing me of things. (I now know this is a classic pattern of communication with narcissists, called DARVO by therapists - deny, accuse, reverse victim and offender.) I thought maybe my mom was just “wired different” and perhaps she’s not really able to see her behavior for what it is, so maybe I should cut her a break. And then suddenly this year, the quite obvious realization dawned on me. She only reserves her worst and cruelest behavior for those closest to her, those whom she senses “cannot leave” or are somehow obligated to her. A family relationship is one in which she can act as badly as she likes, given the comfortable security that we will still be there when the screaming stops. The public never sees this side of her, because she knows it’s wrong to treat people that way and she would be held accountable.

It occurred to me this year, and it was a very sad realization, that I do not have any chosen friendships or even acquaintanceships with people who behave as badly towards me as my mother. Short of one crazy ex-roommate in grad school, I have never had the pleasure of being as despised and belittled as I have in conversations with my own mom. The one person who should cherish and support me unconditionally and always have my back is sadly incapable of being a cheerleader for anyone, including her own children. She enjoys power and control, which she now has little of seeing we are grown and also out of her tightly controlled worldview. This phase of being a parent has little in it for her that she wants - she has to maintain a relationship with us (something she never did much of growing up) while simultaneously having no control over our decisions. But I am still useful for a few things. I am a decent punching bag, on occasion. I am close enough to be a target for her negativity.

I can recall many times where the good mood I was in was ruined in mere moments by something my mom said. Short of times where she simply passively listened and let me talk out my problems without any real feedback (which honestly anyone can do) I cannot think of a single time where she stooped to lift me out of a bad mood. You cannot pull someone up to a higher state than the one you are in, and I think this plays a large role in her inability to transmit love, joy, and positivity.

To those who will inevitably disbelieve me and consider what I am saying to be unfair, harsh, and vindictive - you were not there. I was there, daily for 18 years and in a lesser capacity for the next 12.

I am not saying that I am perfect. We are all imperfect, but most of us have the ability to love genuinely, listen to and care about others, empathize, feel guilt for hurting others, and apologize honestly, regretting the harm we caused. These are things that I and many/most people do, however my mother is very limited in doing any of these things, to the harm of herself and those around her.

I am not saying that my mom never did anything good. She was very disciplined and got the job done when it came to educating and raising us. In many ways she was a fantastic mother, but not in the key area of showing love, wisdom, or emotional control/maturity to her children. Her lack of self-control with her temper was abusive and did much to discredit her consistency as a professed Christian. Her emotional absence was devastating, a wound of omission.

I am not saying that my family never experienced any happy moments. We did, on many occasions, but good days do not erase very very bad days. When there are too many very bad days, the happy moments seem like a weird cognitive dissonance.

I am not blaming anyone (outside of my mom) for my mom’s behavior. She has cemented herself over time into who she is and I do not believe she will ever change. Experts know that narcissism is a persistent disorder across the lifetime, and their input corroborates my personal experience of what it is like to try to bring such a person to the light and have them call it dark. A narcissist cannot, will not, does not see the world or themselves, accurately. Because in reality, we are all wrong sometimes, but a narcissist is never wrong. And when they are in fact wrong, it is you who is wrong and needs to apologize.

I am strong enough to apologize for doing what is wrong. But I am not weak enough, or compliant enough, to be bullied into taking the blame for someone else’s wrongs, which is exactly what is required to stay in my mother’s good graces. My mother has allowed her personal insecurities and narcissism to permeate and permanently scar our family. It has rested on the shoulders of her children to “suck it up,” keep a straight face, and deal with the abuse, or as some have done, to cut their losses.

I am strong enough now to say, I refuse to play this game. I will no longer pretend my mother is a nice, normal person. I will no longer pretend her hard life makes her abuse of us okay. I will no longer pretend that change is realistic for her - she has refused growth. I will no longer pretend or question whether I am really the problem. That’s a question I’ve pondered honestly and deeply over the years.

It’s a question my mother has never asked herself.

#raised by narcissists #narcissicm #mental health #personal #dysfunctional family #emotional abuse

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robertmoscato · 1 year

Text

Letter to my (Jacob) Son...

Dear (Jacob) Son,

We remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. Words will never express how much we love you, how much we have learnt from you and how proud we are of how our “little peanut” has grown into a “Man”. Our children have truly helped us understand the true meaning of unconditional love. That no matter what, we will always love you and support you to be the best you can be, to live & fulfill your dreams and be the person you want to be.

Our fondest memories of our family are when we spend time together and especially when we travel on family holidays. Even the simplest moments like walking to the bus stop together or going to the gym are special to us. We have shared so many experiences together that will last us our entire lives. We will have stories to share and remind us how special the time we spent together was and how fortunate we have been to be able to have these experiences together. What was important was not where we went and what we did; it was that we did it together. This always reminds me that it is not about where you are but who you are with that makes you happy and makes it a great experience.

As we reflect on the past and how far you have come as a person I am proud of whom you are. A confident, reliable, responsible, intelligent, determined and hard working person who excels at everything you put your mind to and enjoys doing.

Well done for getting out there and living life. Whether it is getting up on stage and playing guitar in front of an audience, getting a job and working at the library or serving customers and waiting tables at a café, getting awards for achievements at school, participating in teams like the chess club, doing volunteer work, going to the movies with your friends and just getting involved in life. It takes guts to give things a go and not give up.

As nice as it is to reflect on the past, our job is not done. We have a future to look forward to and I want you to know that we will always continue to be there to support you to continue to grow.

So here are some words of wisdom to help you with your growth:

Confidence is one of the keys to being successful and happy in life. Work on your self-confidence and maintain a positive self-image. We will be here to re-enforce and validate how valuable you are and how many positive contributions you have made and will continue to make in this world and to others.

Success is not necessarily measured by money or material wealth. You will learn that being happy, healthy and doing what you love will make you feel like the richest, wealthiest, most successful person in the world. My grandfather always used to say, when the whole family was all sitting around the dining room table together, that at that moment he felt like the richest man in the world.

Most people will chase more money, a bigger house, a better car believing that this will make them happy. However, when they get what they thought would make them happy they realize there is always more money to get, a bigger house to build or a newer car to buy. The result is they are never happy. However, if you are happy with what you have, it turns out that happy people are better at what they do & do better; in turn they earn more money which allows them to buy a bigger house or a better car.

They say that to be happy you should do what you love and follow your passion. This is great advice. If you do what you love, you are usually really good at it. If you are good at something, people will seek you and usually pay you well for it. Therefore, don’t chase the money, do what you love and the money will follow. And if the money doesn’t follow then so what, because you are doing what you love you would do it for nothing anyway.

This is great advice if you know what you want to do in life but most of us spend our life time searching. So while you are looking here is some advice my dad, your grandfather, gave me:

No matter what you choose to do, “go to the top step”. He said that even if you become a laborer be the best laborer you can be. Whatever you are doing at the time while you are seeking your passion in life, do it to the best of your ability, and be the best at it. Success will follow and opportunities will develop and appear, opening new doors. Life will be so much more interesting and fun. Don’t waste a minute being mediocre. I don’t know many people who are happy to go through life just being average. Be a stand out!

Finally, happy people give more than what they take. Help others! I heard it said once that to achieve your full potential you must help others achieve theirs. And that is “key” to living a fulfilled and meaningful life. That is, achieving our full potential is our purpose in life.

We look forward to the journey ahead and supporting you in achieving your full potential - in love; relationships; family; friends; personal growth; career or whatever your goals and aspirations are in life.

Most of all make your life an adventure; have fun and lots of laughs along the way!

We Love you.

Yours Sincerely,

Your Mum & Dad

Marina & Robert Moscato

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mcyt-peach · 2 years

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Mcyt with a clingy s/o who loves kisses and hugs but like is super shy?? If that makes sense lol

mcyt with a clingy but shy s/o

⋆｡˚ including: cc!dream, cc!george, cc!sapnap, cc!karl, cc!quackity, cc!wilbur, cc!niki, cc!awesamdude, cc!punz and cc!foolish

⋆｡˚ warnings: reader uses they/them pronouns

⋆｡˚ note: ahhh this was such a cute idea I'm so glad you requested this I was totally blushing writing this, hope you enjoy it!!

Dream

you have hit the jackpot with this one

streaming without a face cam means you can plop down in his lap whenever you like

still, it doesn’t stop you from getting a bit shy, especially with Dream’s teasing nature

it doesn’t help that he’ll mention you’re with him 24/7

whether he’s just on call with some friends or streaming in front of thousands of people, he sneaks in comments here and there that make your face heat up

but it’s not like he’d let you leave, of course not

“Chat you should see them right now, all snuggled up against me. No no, where do you think you’re going, baby. You’re staying right here on my lap.”

George

he may not be the most touchy boyfriend, but there is nothing he loves more than a good cuddle sesh

he can never resist when you lay down on the couch and make grabby hands at him

but if he ever mentions it, you’re as embarrassed as could be

if we’re being honest, he enjoys making you flush just as much as he likes taking naps with you

you’ll 100% accidentally find out that his lock screen is a picture of you curled up against him in bed and he’ll never let you live it down

“Look at you, sound asleep on my shoulder, all snuggled up... I think you’re drooling a little.”

Sapnap

he definitely feels the same as you

he’s not always confident enough to make contact first, but he absolutely revels in the moments you’re together

after the first couple of dates, he finally musters up the courage to kiss you when he drops you off for the night

and to be quite frank, he wasn’t the only one blushing afterwards

he tries to act cool afterwards, but he’s grinning like an idiot

you’re not much better, doing the whole ‘run inside and slide down the door’ thing like you’re a movie star

he definitely texts you that night

“I think we should do that more often, honey. Even if you get all shy”

Karl

Karl is well known for his love of physical touch and you couldn’t be happier with it

but the trouble comes when he gets too bold with his love

one minute he’s having a chill stream, just talking to chat

and suddenly it’s chaos, because you’ve walked into the room and Karl finally has someone to shower in affection

he’s got his hands wrapped around you, holding you close, before he pulls back and plants a kiss right on your lips

“Karl you can’t just kiss me on stream!!!” “But you liked it :)” cue flustered silence from you

Quackity

not necessarily the type to be super outward with his feelings but adores your presence

so as long as you’re in the room with him, he’s happy

still, you just feel the need to be as close to him as possible

you’re watching a movie, nothing out of the ordinary for you two

what isn’t normal is you climbing on Q’s lap and wrapping your arms around his shoulders

when you do muster up the courage to lean back, he’s a blushing mess

which of course, makes you a mess as well

“W-what was that for. You can’t just jump on me out of nowhere. Ugh... I’m gonna melt.”

Wilbur

another one who loves when you get shy

in fact, he actively seeks it out because he thinks it’s adorable

never does it in front of chat though, he wants to be the only one who sees you all shy

first thing he does in the morning is draw you up against him and give you kisses all over your face

he’ll pull your face back with his hands and just wait to feel your cheeks heat up against his palms

he does that annoyingly cute laugh when you dive under the covers to escape him

“Ok, ok, no more hiding. Let me see that beautiful face of yours darling.”

Niki

Niki is very similar to you in the sense of clinginess, takes every opportunity to drape herself over you wherever you are

but the second the two of you realize just how sappy you’re being...

both of your faces are heating up, total tomato fest

she’ll get all blushy if you snuggle up next to her

you push through the embarrassment just to chase her around the room for kisses, to which she pleads for her cat’s help

“Noooo Zuko save meeeee! They’re going to smother me with kisses!”

Sam

this big teddy bear can’t deal with how bashful you get

of course, he still can’t deny you when you give him puppy dog eyes and ask for a kiss

this in turn gets him shy and suddenly you’re both giggling like high schoolers

loves cuddling with you at night because you’re too tired to deny him

buries his head in your shoulder because he can feel your whole body heat up

“You’re not gonna slip away in the middle of the night, are you honey? Nahhh, you like me too much to do that.”

Punz

omg this cocky mf would love to show you off, even if you get embarrassed

would full on make out with you on stream if you didn’t stop him

still, that doesn’t put an end to him flustering you in public

holding you hostage on his lap while on call with friends, sneaking kisses in public and always having a hand on you

he likes to call it “exposure therapy”, but it’s very obvious he just likes seeing you kiss drunk

“Babe, how are you ever gonna get over your shyness if we don’t do anything. Then again, you are pretty cute when you’re flustered.”

Foolish

he can not get over your blushy face

just breaks into a smile whenever he sees you get all flushed

doesn’t seem to understand why that makes you even more embarrassed, though

will 100% wrap you up in a blanket burrito so you can’t escape

sits you on his lap during a long stream, every once in a while, he gives you a kiss on top of your head

puts up a little sign on stream that says ‘cuddle time, don’t mention the burrito’ because he doesn’t want you to leave because of chat

“What? No chat, you can’t mention them! They’re gonna get all shy!”

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