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#back in my day the OS of a new computer did not come with moving live updated UI elements eager to link me places and sell me things
blinkpen · 3 months
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basically i operate on a behemoth custom PC tower rig that was cobbled together and blasted with magic from a planetary alignment over a decade ago, it still runs windows 7 like a dream and still faces virtually no issues besides "i'm finally running out of memory for all the fuckton of art n writing i do", use firefox as my default browser (have since moving off IE, i wasn't even aware firefox was uncommon as a pick when its so much better than basically every other option) with ublock and all that good shit so ads and trackers and algorithm data collecting struggles to pierce my grandfather claused digital turtle shell
so whenever i use internet on mobile/my phone i get exposed to The Young(er) People's Internet and try to keep it as expedient as possible. it is SO bad. i'm really feeling the tragedy of "every era has huge issues but people barely even a decade younger than me never even got to experience the internet before it become objectively enshittened down to its bones of design by the capitalisms" and it suuuuucks
mobile design overtaking to the point of infecting/breaking PC browser design is high on my Don't Like It list
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kinnaymod · 1 year
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It was my first "proper" computer, not a repurpose office box with a 8800GT strapped to it nor an ancient Athlon XP or Pentum III. This was my situation between my very first personal computer and it. (2007-2012, born in '97)
Mid-2012, after frying a Pentium D915 because of the OC setting of my previous Celeron E3300, my broke self finally had the option to get a ~1000€ computer. I choose all the parts myself with my 15 yo research skill, which made an ok computer in therm of specs, maybe i could have chosen better parts but at least everything was compatible. It was a FX-8350 pared with a Radeon HD7850 and 16go of RAM and god-damn, i was so proud of it, had no problem running games of the time until at least 2018 when i started to feel that time had not been kind to it...
Maybe i should have cleaned it more often, maybe the many times i moved it for LAN parties had it coming apart, maybe the time my idiot cat spray pissed it had irreversible effect i could never fix or just the fact that my smoking habit is as bad for me as it was for him... Don't get me wrong, i did the usual maintenance. I remember him has the thing that kept me warm in the winter and wouldn't be able to play heavy title on a hot summer day, I remember him for the random blue screen streak, up to 10 in a row, if it wasn't his day but an hour break would end the streak, that time his Ethernet port just disappear from my windows install and every subsequent install of said OS, forcing me to use a 20yo Wi-Fi card and grab a new Ethernet one some time later, other quirks include a 3.5 mm jack that needs constant force applied to it to have any kind of sound going to it and most jank of all, my handmade GPU cooler i had to make with spare fan that was at 100% for more than a year because i do be lazy sometime. :)
I know it sound like i'm complaining but if you read carefully, i stop cooling it an object a stared personifying it, because to me, he really had a life of his own and went through said life as i did, i never named it but when he was on his worst time, i would talk to him, encouraging him before a reboot or lecturing him for an issue that would not be resolved, and most of the time, he prevailed, he so it through, he always had my back and never gave up... It some point i knew those were his last day as my daily and started to go easy on him, stop playing those new games at 15-20fps, stop those hours long render and compil, and placed him in a kind of early retirement, keeping to old or non-demanding games, finally setting the CPU clock speed back to stock which wasn't the case for 10 years and simply go easy on him...
Now that i have again the option for a new computer, i want to thank him for all those years of service and enjoyment, all those hours lost to video games, talking with friends and meeting new people, countless movie watching,learning new hobbies and perfect other i already had, thank you.
Hope you have a nice retirement, love - Y.L OS : - Windows 10 Pro 64-bit CPU : - AMD FX-8350 - OC: 4.4 Ghz RAM : - G.Skill 4 x 4Go - 2133 MHz Motherboard : - ASUS M5A97 R2.0 GPU : - Sapphire AMD Radeon 7850 2Go - OC: 1050 Mhz Case : - NZXT Phantom Usb 3.0 Edition (Black and Orange)
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kaoarika · 1 year
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One of those weird days where I’m hating my laptop HARD.
1) Finally got my first “Uhm, hewwo? We cannot find the Wacom_Tablet.exe program” window in a while (I started using my tablet again in like March or April, so it is always around the 7th month mark, considering I vaguely remember last time it happened before all the disk error incident from late November, last year... which I will come back in a second). 
I couldn’t click it away and since W10, for some reason never really shuts down the computer and puts it in some kind of suspension, well, the window appeared juuuust before I shut it down and before I entered my session (heck, the session window loaded fast and I couldn’t see the gdmn window). Had to restart it.
I kinda have the slight suspicion that maybe putting a pw again might make this slightly easier and shooing away the window :/ I could ignore it, but knowing I cannot click it away unless I do this, it’s like, fuck.
2) My antivirus, for some weird reason, had my protection turned off... so it “updated” and told me “lol, restart your device” and you have me going through that.
With the previous situation above, I had been on this hell for almost 2 hours... My mood is pretty bad right now.
3) I suddenly remembered on Friday that the disk error from last year happened, basically around these days. I still don’t fully trust this laptop with this very early W10 OS version, because you can tell it’s quite... pirate. I feel like it is kept with bubblegum and clips so I barely move much around more deep issues. I was scared when the Antivirus had to update to its new UI version, and I did a back up and all (and, lol, I need to do one much more new, since this back up is already outdated from a few months back).Lucky enough, everything is still working nicely and I haven’t run into heavy issues (besides the Wacom thing, but that is a staple with them at this point, istg), but this thing that happened last year and the timing (I got the laptop in late Nov 2020, I had the disk error issue in late Nov 2021... and we are already entering late Nov 2022), isn’t giving me full confidence about “coming out from it clear” and it’s making me a little anxious and superstitious about the whole thing), so I’m a little scared, yes?
I wish it was easier to buy a new laptop (not preowned), but I do know for a fact that they are over 15k MXN pesos and I am still unstable enough to make such a decision for spending as much as that :/ (even if it’s an emergency of sorts...)
My parents believe I should talk about this with my psychologist, but that’s another issue and a half (btw, they did answer me back that hey have been busy with their side job thing, but... a heads up would have helped, you know? could’ve reduced my stress about it as a whole; I’m sending them another text tomorrow and a memorandum about it, however, because... the month is almost finished, lmao)... since, fuck, I have been pretty unlucky with my computers for more than a decade that, everytime a thing like this happens, it sends me to a spiral of anxiety because now I don’t have a “back up” computer at all... 
I hate this as much as you don’t know. When I got this laptop I thought I was lucky because it was smth I bought with my money, and honestly? it was a good deal and it was working perfectly (minus the initial disk error, minus the battery thing), but the year finished and left me with a bitter note when the thing became serious and had to reinstall the whole thing from scratch. I’m not sure what I am going to blame this time (if everything explodes into my face in a few days), since, again, I barely install ANYTHING and I’m cautious as hell and all that shit.
It freaking sucks.
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tonkihollywood · 2 years
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Mail for gmail mac does not auto sync
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MAIL FOR GMAIL MAC DOES NOT AUTO SYNC PRO
MAIL FOR GMAIL MAC DOES NOT AUTO SYNC MAC
Spike is one of the most unique takes I’ve seen on email in many years.
MAIL FOR GMAIL MAC DOES NOT AUTO SYNC PRO
I wrote an article back in November of 201 that argued it was time for Apple to debut a Pro email app at some point in the future if the company believes it needs to keep it simple.
MAIL FOR GMAIL MAC DOES NOT AUTO SYNC MAC
The downside is that these run locally, so if your Mac is offline, they won’t work. If you do want to extend Apple Mail further, be sure to check out plugins like Mailbutler and Mail Act-On. On the flip side, if you want the traditional Apple experience, you’ll love it, but it’s mostly lagged behind a lot of the other apps concerning new features. It’s only added a few new features like Mail Drop (a feature where you can send large attachments using iCloud), mark up on attachments, and VIP support. It primarily works the same as it did a decade ago. My biggest issue with Apple Mail is that it doesn’t do anything to drive the concept of email technology forward. You add your mailboxes, and it builds a traditional-looking mail app (with a universal inbox), it supports all the primary services (iCloud, Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, Exchange, etc.), and generally works well. In a lot of ways, Apple Mail doesn’t seem to be a lot different than it did when I first used it under OS X Tiger.įrom 40,000 feet, Apple Mail does precisely what you’d ask of it. They are developing apps for the power user while also the computer novice. So I want to answer the question: What’s the best email app for the Mac? Apple MailĪpple will always be at a disadvantage in some ways when building apps because they have to develop for the masses. So if you are reading this article and are screaming about how much better Gmail’s web interface is – know that I am not looking at web-based solutions. I want one app to use instead of four web apps. Like I said earlier, I am pulling in iCloud and multiple Google Workspace email accounts into one app, so using webmail isn’t something I want to do. When it comes to my “heavy lifting” type of work, I can get it done much faster on my Mac. On the desktop, we’re moving everything to the web.Īs much as I love iOS, If you told me that I had to pick between the Mac and iOS, I’d choose the Mac. I think a lot of it has to do with iOS, where native apps are the default. I am bringing in multiple accounts into one app (personal iCloud and multiple Google Workspace accounts), but another aspect is that I prefer native apps. In the early days of email usage, I preferred using web-based mail, but as time went on, I preferred app-based email. One of the things about my use of email that is most surprising is that I’ve gone in the reverse direction compared to how technology has moved. Over the years, managing multiple Google accounts has become cumbersome. It’s a much smoother solution than running multiple tabs. It’s a native macOS app for Gmail, and it supports G-Suite as well. If you have a few Gmail accounts, and are happy with the Gmail web interface, check out Boxy. I stuck with it during the disaster that was MobileMe and finally arrived at iCloud.īefore I look at the various email apps for Mac, I want to mention one other app that might appeal to Google Workspace and Gmail users. I switched to Gmail in 2004 when it first launched, and I finally switched to Mac in 2005 when I got my first Mac (a Powerbook G4). I switched to Mailblocks around 2002 (it was eventually acquired by AOL). I stuck with AOL until I got an account when my parents first got high-speed Internet. I got my first email account in the mid–90s (When it was still $2.95 per hour for AOL). So what’s the best email app for the Mac? Even with the popularity of web-based services like Gmail, many still prefer a desktop app to pull in multiple email addresses, use desktop plugins, and have a more native Mac experience. Signing up for almost any service on the Internet requires an email address, so it’s a universal digital identifier. Signing into iCloud (and email) is one of my first tasks when setting up a new Mac. Despite all the new messaging services, project management tools, and chat-based ecosystems, email remains essential.
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hacked-by-jake · 3 years
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Jake gets infuriated when he sees mc (Natasha) is giving more time to one of her college friend (Chris)
She didn’t notice..
Summary: Not enough talk, too many misunderstandings, too fast condemnation, too much jealousy. Too much attention and too much fear. 
Pairing: Jealous!JakexMc (Natasha)
Words: 3,8k
Warnings: Just a little swearing. Jealous Jake. Slightly arrogant Jake. (Fast plot (I'm sorry))
A/n: Thank you very much for your request, I hope you will like it and that it is okay. Otherwise have a nice evening/ day/ night and take care of yourself, stay healthy.
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"Yeah, you’re right, class today was really funny, chemistry went a bit wrong, but next time we’ll make it, okay?" you finish the voice memo to your classmate Chris. You just come home from college and poured yourself a glass of water in the kitchen. "Hello MC" Jake greets you while he come out from his study. "Hi babe" you also greet him while you unlock your phone again to listen to Chris' quick response. You hold the phone to your ear and giggles as he says he thought the blue liquid was different than he thought. Jake sits on one of the kitchen chairs and watches you quietly. When you take your phone off your ear, he asks you, "Who are you talking to?" “Just with Chris from my college class, we had a funny accident in chemistry today," you tell him. "Who is Chris?" he asks a little skeptical.
"He’s not from here, he moved here to go to university, his father runs a big computer technology company. I don’t know exactly what the name is, but it’s one of the greatest, really cool, right? You two would probably get along" you excitedly tell him about Chris. He nods briefly for confirmation and you frown, "I don’t think so" he speaks so softly that you can’t understand him properly. "Everything okay?" you ask carefully. "Yes, all right, I have to keep working, okay?" The question was more rhetorical than he already got up to go back to his study. You shrug your shoulders and decide to answer Chris. "Mistakes happen to the best ones," you reassure him giggling, then you complain,"I just can’t chemistry, it doesn’t go into my head. At least you chose blue, I wanted to put the green stuff on it."
The first thing you decide to do is take a little break on the sofa before you start doing your tasks. "What about learning for IT? You said you had problems with one program, I know how to do it, I can help you." Chris suggests, and you like the idea. "That would be incredibly nice of you, I really need help, I just don’t understand this stupid program," you whine. "So I can right now if you have time?" he asks and sounds a little hopeful in his audio. "Sure, today is a good, I don’t have much to do," you confirm with a smile. Chris is really good at this topic, he will be able to help you perfectly. "Okay, how about 4 p.m., in the coffee rainbow?" he suggests, and you agree, "That fits" "Good, see you later."
-
The hacker sits annoyed in front of his 4 screens and stares at the loading bar which reveals how far the update is that he needs for one of his new programs. He stares at his screen in a bad mood that it is a miracle that the screen does not start crying. He bites his jaw tightly and his hands are clenched into fists.
He had heard that you wanted to be helped by someone else. That you’re meeting someone else to get a computer program explained. His father runs an IT company? That’s why you let this Chris help you? Damn it, he’s the best hacker the world has ever seen, and he’s your boyfriend. B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D! He thinks about whether he should dare to check this Chris. But you just shouldn’t find out, otherwise you’d probably be mad at him forever. On the other hand, it’s actually his right to see who you want to meet. After all, Chris could been sent by the government, right? It’s possible they found out where he is and sent someone to arrest him. At one of his other screens, he begins the systematic search for Chris and also for the company.  He decides to take a look at the company first and then the rest. It quickly turns out that the company is a company that creates firewalls for large corporations. He laughs mockingly, he created the best firewall in the world. He’d get into the security system in a few clicks.
He have NYM-OS as a firewall.  NYM-OS is the best security program in the world. If he would sold NYM-OS and made it available to others, all other companies could close.
He would normally not react as extreme as he is now, if it weren’t for days. You’ve been talking to Chris every free second of every day. Even when he and you watch a movie together, he always notices how you consistently take a look at your phone. And as soon as you have a new message, you answer. It’s driving him crazy. And every night you get this 'good night' message, and always with two red hearts, two red hearts! Damn, he’s not a person who cares about emojis at all. He’s the ':)' type, who only uses  '<3' as a heart.
But what if that’s not enough for you? What if you want more, someone using the right emojis? That’s ridiculous, it’s just emojis. Does Chris know you have a boyfriend? Did you tell him about it? Actually, you guys tend to keep it private. Why would anyone care?
But right now, he wants you to tell the whole world. Everyone should know, even if that weren't good, even dumb. But the hacker just has the urgent need that everyone knows is at your side.  A look at the clock in the corner of his screen reveals that it is already half past three.  So in 15 minutes, you’d be going to your meeting.
He decides to wait with the search for Chris until you leave, so that he can concentrate on it. His program is finally finished, so he’s going to do this first.
-
Until you knock on the door 10 minutes later. "I’m meeting with Chris at the Kaffe Rainbow now, okay? He’s helping me out for college" you explain, and you’re smiling at Jake.  He is really so beautiful.  "Okay, which subject?" he asks you casually without turning to you.  "A tool. This doesn’t work right, but it’s important for my subject."  You don’t even seem to notice how much your words hit him, and the openness you tell him about it hurts him. Of course, it’s better than lying to him, but it still hurts him.  "All right," he grumbles and taps annoyed around his keyboard with his fingers.
"Aren’t you saying goodbye to me?" you ask unsure, wondering why he is so dismissive of you. "Of course," he answers quietly and finally turns around.  You bend down to him to give him a kiss but after a second he immediately moves away. "Take care, see you later" he sounds almost disinterested and you notice a prick in your chest. "I love you, my heart" you mumble. "Yes, I love you too, Natasha"
Wow, 'Yes, I love you too?' Yes? Why 'yes'? 'Why is he so dismissive? Did I do something wrong?' you wonder in your head. You decide to talk to him later when you get back, but now you have to go, you don’t want to keep Chris waiting.
The door falls shut and Jake moans loudly and rubs his hands through his face.This fucking jealousy is really terrible! He’s growling, the thought of you going out to meet this Chris guy makes him mad.  His heart is racing and he drops his head backwards against the back of the chair.
This is not normal.
Yeah, that sounds very dramatic. But he swore he’d always protect you and never let you go. You’re the first person he really cares about besides Hannah and Lilly. You are the first person he can imagine sharing his life with, and right now he sees this future in danger. All the attention you’ve paid to Chris over the last few days is making him nervous.
And even worse, he doesn’t know how to deal with it or what to do so that he doesn’t feel so bad about it.
He really would have a lot of means to get rid of Chris, which sounds a lot like Mafia, but that’s not what it mean. He could make a few simple clicks to get Chris to move back to the city he came from. Get him kicked off campus or something. But unfortunately, he swore to himself that he would use his arts and talent exclusively for good and important things. He could never destroy anyone’s future.
He just has to trust you, you would never lie to him or cheat on him. You wouldn’t leave him, you love him, you said it a few minutes ago. But his thoughts seem to really drive him crazy. Scenarios where you’re in the end because of Chris, spitting through his head. How he sees pictures of you on Instagram, how you spend your life with Chris. How you still keep in touch with his sisters, and all those things.
Luckily, it suddenly rings at the door and drives away these horror stories for a short moment.  He jumps up from his chair to escape from the room, which suddenly seems so narrow and small.  He hurries to the front door and with a lot of momentum he opens it. Outside, Hannah stands looking at him in surprise, "Hi," she chuckles as she sees his strange look, "Have you been drinking too much coffee or where does this energy come from? “  "Oh well, Hello Hannah" he greets his sister and makes room to let her in.  "How are you? " she asks lovingly as she closes the door again.  "Yes," he replies, as quickly as the thoughts have gone, they have now returned.  "Huh? Yeah? Jake this is not a real answer to this question" she informs him.
„Oh no, I mean, yeah, all right, and with you? " he goes straight back to his room. Hannah follows him with a skeptical look.  "Ok, something is wrong here! " she notes and folds her arms in front of her chest, waiting for an answer.  "Everything okay, Hannah, really, but what are you doing here? " he quickly distracts and lets himself sink back into the chair.  "I’m here to pick up Natasha, the whole group is meeting at the  Rainbow, where is she? " she inquires. Jake snorts bitterly,  "She forgot your meeting, but don’t worry, she’s already in the rainbow," he explains. „Wow, wow wow, okay. It’s not just 'something' wrong here, Is there a war or what? What happened? Did you have a fight?" worried, she sinks onto the small couch.  Jake have his arms crossed and looks at the ceiling, and turning around on his chair. "Ask Chris when you’re at the cafe," he murmur "he'll tell you, whats going on" "Who is Chris? " Hannah raises an eyebrow in surprise. Her brother grins mockingly,  "Someone from her college. Who really gets a lot of attention"  His sister twists her eyes,  "Now don’t let me ask everything! Just tell me what happened"
In the short version, the hacker tells his half-sister about his problem and what happened the last few days. How he feels and also reveals to her his fear of losing you.
"Watch out" begins Hannah, "Put on your shoes and a jacket and let’s go!" Motivated, Hannah jumps up. "Where?" Jake asks cluelessly.  "Well, you’re coming with me to the rainbow. We’re all meeting, and you’re now with everyone, too. And I’m your sister so you have every right to come along!" "I don’t think it’s a good idea, otherwise Natasha still thinks I’m spying on her" The brown-haired one laughs, "Yes, that’s exactly what we do, so come on," she forces him.  "Hannah I-" he tries, but she raises an index finger to silence him, "No, get dressed! Come along!" "Stop beeing so revenge funny, Natasha is your friend," he reminds his sister.  "Jake, you’re my brother, and even though she’s my friend, I don’t like the way she treats you right now. And I’m not doing anything, we’re just going to have a coffee. Besides, I have every right to be mad because she forgot about us, and I think that’s a shame"
Said and done
5 minutes later, the siblings enter the beautiful coffee. Immediately the large group is noticed, which has to push two tables together each time, so that there is enough space.  "Ah Hannah" shouts Thomas as he discovers his girlfriend.  She takes her brother by the hand to pull him behind her, but his gaze is not on the group, but on you. You’re laughing at a joke he made for you by Chris while he explains to you how exactly the program works. Jake doesn’t like how close you sit next to each other, of course you both have to be able to look at the screen, but that’s extremely close.
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The call of Thomas for his girlfriend makes you look up from the screen and immediately you meet the neutral, almost cold look of your boyfriend. Surprised, you draw your eyebrows together. You didn’t expect him here. You don’t have a chance to give him a sign like a smile or something, he’s already sitting at the table.  From here, you can’t hear what the others are saying, but when you see the look on Hannah’s face, you suddenly come to remember that you were on a date with the group.  "Can we go on?" Chris asks and pulls you out of your mind,  "Ooh, sure," you mumble. You really have to apologize later.
"What are you doing here?" Richy asks the hacker, "And why is Natasha sitting back there with someone else?""  Before Jake can answer, Hannah takes the job off him, "Natasha is otherwise busy, she forgot about us." "Serious?" Dan asks in amazement and then looks at Jake, "Trouble in paradise?" "Funny Dan. Really funny" Jake hisses and twists his eyes.  "Hey, that was just a joke," the bearded one explains, "I just wanted to say that the guy is weird."  "Did anyone talk to her?" Hannah asks. "No, we were just waving at her, I thought she’d be here soon, but it doesn’t look like it," says Thomas. "Hi guys" Lilly welcomes the round. They’re all here now. While Jake’s second sister takes off her jacket, she asks, "What’s going on here?" She points to you and Chris in the corner.  "We’ve been transferred," Hannah tells her again.
After Lilly sits down, the hacker begins to tell again what the problem is. "And she didn’t realize you weren’t happy about it?" Lilly asks and sounds a little angry.  "No, she doesn’t know," Jake sighs. "I’ll clear this up" the blond-haired woman shrugs her shoulders and gets up.  "No wait" her brother tries to stop her but she doesn’t let herself be disturbed.
You notice Lilly coming towards you with a not enthusiastic look.  "Hello Lilly" you greet her still smiling.  She nods neutral and pulls a chair back that creates an unpleasant squeak on the tiles. "Hi" she calls and looks expecting, "Who is that?" She immediately comes out with her concerns. You are almost swallowing up, "This is Chris, we have some subjects together at college," you explain to her. What’s going on now?
She stretches her hand across the table to Chris, "Hi, I’m Lilly Donfort. A friend of Natasha’s and her boyfriend’s sister," she imagines herself abruptly. Chris even twitches slightly at her sharp tone, "Hi, I’m Chris" responds a bit insecure and shakes her hand. "Haven’t you forgotten something?" explores she further. "Yes, I know, I’m really sorry, I’m just stressed about the subject, the exam is in two days and I don’t understand it yet. Chris offered to help me and I just forgot, "you apologize.  "Why do you let Chris help you? You haven’t forgotten who Jake is, have you?" she says cynically. "He’s mad, isn’t he?" you ask in shame and look away.  "Of course, think about why, and if you’re watching a movie while you’re in his arms, pack up the phone," the blond-haired gasps. You swallow. You did something wrong. "I didn’t want to hurt you," you mumble.
"Oh you didn’t hurt me directly.This with the meeting isn’t so bad. It’s just about Jake" "Wait, so you have a boyfriend?" Chris asks in between.  "Oh, she did," Lilly knocks twice on the table to underline her statement.  "The one who looks over here in between with this death look?" he asks amusingly.  "What’s funny about that?" Lilly pulls up an eyebrow. "Well, he’s trying to kill me with his looks, as jealous as he seems," Chris explains.  "Hey, stop talking so pejoratively about him, okay? He loves me, so he shows," you defend Jake right away.  "It’s okay, I didn’t mean to attack you, but I wonder why you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend?" "I didn’t think it was important. I mean, why? That has nothing to do with the university?" astonished you look at him. "Well, I thought if we were meeting, you’d be single?"  "Oh no" Lilly chuckles easily, "Here’s a misunderstanding" "Yes, that’s it, I thought there is something between us," Chris shakes his head.
"You have thought wrong," Jake suddenly interrupts you. Without wasting a second, he leans down to you to press his lips on yours.
A goose bump runs over your body, his voice sounds icy and rough. His lips are possessive and the hand in your neck makes sure you can’t leave his lips. But you don’t want it either; this moment should freeze. Each of his kisses is like a piece of heaven.
You get lost in that kiss. Forget everything around you, your thoughts, the people who luckily aren’t too many, Chris, Lilly, the group.
All you feel is your heart racing and your lips tingling. A short moment later, Jake releases you, "I’m sorry for the rudeness" he whispers against your lips.
You smile, "No, I’m sorry, I think we need to talk."
Jake turns his gaze away from you to Chris, but stays close to your face, "I think you can go now" with a mocking grin on your lips. Chris pulls up an eyebrow, "calm down" "Bye" the Hacker growls and waves while Chris puts his laptop in his pocket.  "I’ll see you in class tomorrow," Chris turns back to you. "And next time, maybe you should be careful what chemicals you mix together. Anyone who can read is clearly in advantage," Jake pushes another mockery after him.
Jake sighs and puts his eyes back on you, "I won’t apologize," he immediately clarifies.  "You don’t have to apologize, I guess I was a little too inattentive in the last few days" "Just a little bit" he jokes and sits down on the chair next to yours.  "I should have thought about what I say. And I shouldn’t have ruled you out," you apologize, "and I should have explained to you why I let Chris explain to me how it works, and not from you. l really didn't mean it bad, I just didn’t want to keep you from working.You’re so stressed right now and if I’m honest, Chris' father is also a professor and he teaches my informatics course. And when Chris tells his father that he help me, the father sees that I care. Simple psychology. His father will keep it in mind whether he wants to or not. And honestly, when you explain something, I feel like you’re telling me how to hack the NSA," at the end you chuckle easily.
"Maybe you should talk about it at home. I don’t know if you still want to stay here but I would like to order a coffee now also" Lilly shows to the waitress who stands at the table of the group and writes the orders of the others on a piece of paper.
-
"You know, actually, it wasn’t bad at all what you did," Jake murmurs. You’re lie half on him, your cheek is squeezed together on his chest while he plays with your hair.  "I think I exaggerated, I was too jealous. But you know, I’m a computer nerd, and my girlfriend asks someone else for help with a program on a computer. I know it’s ridiculous, but somehow I felt personally attacked, like that you think he’s better than me. Do you understand?" he asks quietly.  "Yeah, of course I understand, but don't think like that, okay? No one is better than you," you pull with your finger small circles on his chest, "And I would have been jealous too. You know, I like Chris as a friend. I didn’t want you to think I was paying too much attention to him. And the fact that I always answered him immediately doesn't mean anything. I wasn’t just looking at my phone because of him," you assured the hacker.
"And I didn’t think it bothered you that much, if I’d understood it before, I wouldn’t have done it. But I should have thought more, then I would have understood it sooner. We should both talk to each other more openly next time, okay?" you suggest and hold your hand towards him. He nods, "Deal!" he puts his hand in yours then shakes it.  "I just love you way too much to be able to see someone else at your side. I’m just afraid I’m not good enough for you."  "Jake, you’re way too good for me, really. Never think you are not good enough, you are everything and much more, I love you to infinity and beyond." "I love you even more" he whispers, and then turns so that he lies sideways opposite you. He presses his forehead against yours and sighs, "But I still don’t like him"  Before you can make a teasing comment, he’s already pressed his lips on yours.
His jealousy is just to sweet :)
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Masterlist
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vhsrights · 3 years
Note
Ever since I saw them posts about JJ have short hair??? Like a pixie cut??? Wanna do me a solid and tell me your thoughts on Emily’s first (and maybe subsequent) reaction when JJ walks into the bullpen? Assuming they’re not together already.
OH OH BRILLIANT THOUGHT WHILE IM WRITING THIS: JJ with short hair AND a leather jacket. I feel like PG definitely had a hand in this new change in JJ...
for sure i gotchu! :) this was one that i have been wanting to do for a while. (edit: so i know that you only asked for my thoughts but i got really excited and into it so i turned it into an OS) <3
Dashing
Pairing: Pre Jemily - talked about
WC: 4.8k words
Summary: JJ with short hair, and what it does to Emily :) [bullpen and team night out version; pre jemily] (like a prelude to gnc jj)
It happened on a Thursday afternoon. JJ had been shaking all day, but Penelope had convinced her that it would be okay. The blonde locks that she had been identified with for so long felt even heavier against her shoulders. She made sure to stay hidden away in her office, thanking her lucky stars that they were off case rotation. Her fingers consistently found themselves back into her hair, twisting and twirling them relentlessly. If JJ could have simply willed her long hair away, she would have. She restlessly twirled the pen in her hand for several hours, making little headway on the mountain of files by her. Her eyes kept darting over to the screen of her computer monitor, feverishly checking and rechecking the time.
5:45 pm. That was when the appointment was set for. JJ wished that she would be able to simply forget about it until then. Maybe if she did, she would actually get more work done. She texted Penelope, who was out for coffee on a break, to get her some too. Soon after she got the caffeine, JJ was able to shut out the rest of her thoughts. The boost alone drove her to finish files at triple her previous rate. Maybe that was also the adrenaline. Her phone broke her trance-like consciousness when it began to beep incessantly. She had set an alarm to go off 45 minutes before her appointment, enough time for her to wrap up at the office and calm her nerves before she made the short 10-minute drive to the barbershop.
Feeling her heart pound harder in her chest, JJ sat back in her chair to ground herself. She decided that getting up before she had a grip on her emotions was not a good idea. JJ let her eyes close gently and her mind began to wander. In her head, JJ saw the faces of those that she had met as this version of herself. They had all changed her, for better or for worse, and the memories began to flow in. It started with her mother and father. They had given a life that she couldn’t have been more appreciative of in the early years, forgoing the memories of harsh words and other negative acts. Moving on quickly, the next face flashed before her eyes. Roslyn.
Her sister had been her saving grace before JJ could even comprehend the idea. JJ had always looked up to the girl. Roslyn was phenomenal and JJ could only imagine how far she would have made it if she had still been alive. Roslyn was the one that had taught JJ how to braid her hair, wash it, and even curl it. Roslyn had curled her long blonde hair for the first time when she watched her get ready for the homecoming dance. It had only been one clump of strands but the way that her sister had so gently handled her locks left JJ in awe of Roslyn’s caring nature. After Roslyn left, JJ held onto her hairstyle, scared to let go of it as it sometimes felt like her only tie to her older sister.
Her college best friends, partners in the Academy, Hotch, Reid, Rossi, and so many more came and left in her thoughts. It was like her thoughts were forming their own little presentation of what JJ was getting rid of today. Some had more important roles than others but she had to remind herself that today wasn’t getting rid of anything but her hair. She was still JJ, but this felt more real. She wouldn’t have to avert her eyes in the mirror as much, and it would help to match her appearance more closely to how she felt inside.
Eventually, her mind came to the inevitable. Emily. Emily was something to JJ that she couldn’t describe. JJ loved Emily, but it wasn’t just that. Over time, as she had gotten to know the woman, JJ had come to truly understand her. It was the kind of intimacy that relied on the briefest of eye contact, all thoughts conveyed in body language alone. She couldn’t tell Emily though. It was too risky, and no matter how bold JJ was, Emily was a whole new world. She pushed away the thought that Emily would hate her haircut. If Emily rejected the haircut, it would feel more like she rejected who JJ truly was. But she would never do that. Right?
No, Emily would never do that. She couldn’t, because then JJ didn’t know what she’d do. Trying to distract herself from the increasing anxiety, she tried to remember their Girl’s Nights and separate hangouts where Emily would mindlessly run her fingers through JJ’s hair. It was how she calmed JJ, and the experience itself felt like home to the blonde. Glancing down at her watch, JJ realized that she got a bit too tied up with her imagination and saw that it was 5:25. Grabbing her things in a frenzy, JJ quickly headed out of the bullpen. She caught a glance of Morgan, eyebrows raised in bewilderment. JJ waved the team off, not slowing down on her way to the elevator. Hotch already knew that she was taking the early day so she was set.
JJ shot a text off to Garcia before driving off, telling her to check her office for anything that JJ might have forgotten and that she was going to her apartment after the haircut. Throwing her phone into the passenger seat, JJ drummed her fingers against the steering as she pulled out of the parking lot. She drove to the barbershop and reached in 7 minutes. Emily and her crazy driving skills would have been proud. Exiting the door rather quickly, JJ ran her fingers through her hair one last time.
This was goodbye.
She fidgeted with her fingers the entire time she waited for her appointment. JJ rocked her body gently, forward and backward, grounding herself in the steady rhythm. After some time, a person wearing a short-sleeved, cuffed button-down and a large black apron approached her. Their hair was cropped short, the sides shaved to a small length to let the top flow over their forehead. It was perfectly what JJ wanted. She felt her face grow hot at the realization that this was actually happening. JJ was going to do the big chop.
“Hi, Welcome to the Queer Barbers’ Guild. My name is Tay and I can help you today. JJ, isn’t it?” Tay held out their hand as JJ stood up, initiating their quick handshake.
“Uh, yeah. I had said over the phone that I wanted to cut most of my hair off. Actually, I would like exactly what you have. If that works?” JJ took quick strides to keep up with the barber, hearing the bustle of the shop as they got closer to the chair.
Tay chuckled, nodded, and gestured for JJ to sit in the seat. They pumped up its height, adjusting it to their work position. She sat down eagerly, feeling energized as the moment of the cut drew nearer.
“So are you looking to do a wash first today? I can definitely do my cut on you, so it’s just whatever you want. I would have to say though, I think you’re going to look rather dashing.” JJ blushed and failed to respond.
Dashing. Not pretty.
“I haven’t washed my hair in a few days for this haircut, so that would be nice. Thank you.”
JJ sat back in the chair and let Tay drape the apron cover over her. They combed through her hair slowly, getting tassels out and examining it for the cut. Once it was all brushed out, they measured out lengths and showed them to JJ in the mirror. JJ soon came to an idea of what she wanted.
Tay led her out of the chair and over the washing room. She sat down and made herself comfortable. JJ tried to solidify those last few moments in her head as the last memories she had with her long hard. The warm water began to run over her scalp and she forgot what else was running through her head. Before she knew it, the wash was over and she was back in the hair cut chair.
Now was the time.
They dried her hair and combed through it again. JJ closed her eyes. She was scared of what would happen. What if it wasn’t right? How would she undo the damage? She then felt a chilled glass against her fingers. Slowly peeking one eye open, she spotted some kind of alcohol in Tay’s outstretched hand. Curious, JJ looked up at the barber.
“To calm your nerves. Don’t worry, I’ve done plenty of these chops myself and I had my own. Trust me, things are only going to get better from here. So, here’s to relaxing. You earned it.”
“Thank you. Really, thank you.” JJ couldn’t explain her gratitude as she took the glass.
Maybe everything would be okay.
JJ relaxed and Tay began to gather her hair for the big chop. Tay carefully sectioned her hair, making sure to constantly check the length. Then, the time came. Tay lightly tapped her on the shoulder, indicating that they had the scissors at the ready. All they needed was the go-ahead from JJ. The blonde took in one last deep breath, giving them permission on her exhale.
The first cut was the most jarring. JJ could feel the hair being cut, its strands tugging at the sharp shears. She let out a gasp and everything happened too quickly for her to process after that. The hair fell left and right, leaving her head feeling instantly lighter and freer.
Tay worked incredibly efficiently. They managed to keep checking in with JJ as they deftly cut her hair. Soon, it was gone. The buzz of the razor sent a jolt up JJ’s spine but Tay quickly reassured her. They made light passes and cut down the hair on the sides and back. It was still nearly half an inch long, but that was exactly what JJ wanted.
“There you go. All done, JJ. What do you think?” Their voice cut through the haze of JJ’s thoughts and she turned her head, examining her new look.
The long hair was gone.
JJ had short hair now. It felt like a high, like one she’d never felt before but would never let up again. She ran her fingers through it, marveling at the softness and sleek nature of the look. She looked pretty fucking dashing. JJ turned around and looked at Tay, struggling to keep her tears at bay. She shouldn’t be on the verge of crying. JJ chastised herself internally.
“I- I don’t really have the words to thank you right now. I know that I shouldn’t be so emotional over a haircut, but you made everything perfect.” JJ held her head down, trying to hold back the tears.
“Of course. It’s no problem. For the emotions, believe me, I was a sobbing mess when I got my first big chop. You can always ask for me when you come to the Guild. Thanks for coming, and we can go up to the front for payment now.”
JJ paid and left the establishment. She was still dazed, not sure if everything was real. Her fingers found their way back into her hair several times, simply running through it as she made her way to the car. Her watch showed 7:03 pm as the time and JJ pulled out her phone. Her fingers quivered as she typed out her text to Penelope. She didn’t want to text her friend a picture of herself, deciding to keep the hair a surprise until she arrived at Penelope’s apartment.
Jayje (7:03 PM): Got the haircut. Pen this feels fucking crazy. I almost cried in the shop because of how nice my barber was and how I look. Heading over now.
PG (7:03 PM): AHHHH im so excited for you!! i already know that you look hot as fuck babes.
JJ smiled and set her stuff aside. She was off to Penelope’s apartment. The analyst had told her that she had a surprise for her.
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JJ pulled up to the analyst’s apartment. The sun was still high in the sky outside, and she could hear the chirp of several little birds off in the distance. Penelope was waiting for her. Taking one last deep breath, JJ walked towards the front door. It was part of a little archway to a quaint apartment but it could have been the door to the White House with how nervous JJ was.
She shivered as she rang the doorbell. Here goes nothing. Reaction number one, how bad can it be? Penelope had already been anticipating JJ’s arrival so the door flew open mere seconds later. She appeared in the doorway, beaming with energy. Then she laid her eyes on JJ.
“OH. MY. GOD. JAYJE. YOU LOOK AMAZING.” Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped at the sight of JJ.
Penelope dragged JJ into the apartment faster than the blonde could respond to her statement. She was bubbling with excitement, super ready to give JJ her present. Penelope began to give a preface before they reached her couch. On it, sat a medium-sized silver bag. Tissue was popping out of the top and JJ was drawn to it. Penelope noticed her eyes on the present.
“Go ahead. Open it. I got it for you because I think it definitely matches your new vibe and that you ARE wearing it to team drinks tomorrow. Emily won’t be able to take her eyes off of you!”
JJ paused.
“What does Emily have to do with this?” She looked back at Penelope, her forehead scrunched in confusion.
“You’re joking, right? You can’t seriously ignore the tension between you two. It’s Miss Darking and Brooding and The Badass Baby Blonde. You two are a power couple! Unless, you aren’t madly in love with her and would be fine with me setting her up with this other friend of mine…”
“Okay, okay. No setting Emily up with your friend. She’s mine, thank you very much.” JJ spoke confidently, knowing that Penelope could see right through her bravado.
“I’m sure she is. That’s why you asked her out. Oh, wait…”
“Fine, so I haven’t asked her out. I’m just terrified. She’s Emily.”
“Yeah, and you’re JJ. Plus, now you have that super butch look so you can ask her out tomorrow. But not until you open the gift!” Penelope pointed at the glossy bag once more.
JJ rolled her eyes and turned back to the bag. She slowly pulled out the tissue and spotted dark fabric underneath it. Reaching inside, it was cool to the touch. JJ pulled out a black, leather jacket. It was sleek with 4 zippers, 2 collar buttons, and seams that traced around the jacket.
JJ thumbed it and fell more and more in love with it as she took in the jacket more. It was perfect. This jacket, combined with the haircut and the way that Tay complimented her earlier, felt like an amalgamation of the person that she was supposed to be. JJ wasn’t the girl that hid behind her femininity and used it as a weapon to get her way. In fact, her femininity did more against her than it did for her. Pushing that thought out of her head, JJ turned to Penelope.
With tears in her eyes, she hugged Penelope. She hugged her with all her might. She couldn’t describe the feeling in her head. Later, she would come to find out that it was gender euphoria. But in that moment, every positive emotion felt weak in comparison to the explosion of happiness in her mind.
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JJ had opted for her pantsuit for work on Friday. Her normal skirt suits just didn’t fit who she saw herself as in the moment. Whether that would change or not, she didn’t know. It felt powerful, and with her hair coiffed up, JJ was unstoppable.
The elevator doors dinged open and she hesitantly took her first step. The big glass doors of the BAU seemed daunting now, and it made JJ feel small. She felt insignificant and her breath partially caught in her throat. Looking over at her watch, JJ realized that she was almost late. Deciding that the time to wait was over, JJ took confident strides forward. She pushed the doors open and made her way to her office until something stopped her.
Derek’s voice boomed out in front of her. Reid and the rest of the BAU men were sitting at his desk and their eyes lifted up to meet hers. It took all of JJ’s strength not to turn on her heel and bolt. But she loved this haircut, and it made her confident; so she had to act like it. Slowing up her stride, she detoured over to the group. Derek had called out to her, commenting on the haircut.
All of them were genuinely curious, stating their approval multiple times. JJ even got a fistbump from Derek and a wide smile from Spencer. Hotch’s usual morose expression lightened up. They talked about how she had wanted to get it, the differences from long hair, and the overall confidence boost. It was invigorating. More than anything else, JJ felt her heart swell at the sheer support from her teammates. They joked about her being one of the guys; and though right now it was short hair, JJ could feel that it was just the tip of the iceberg.
They eventually got to the topic of where she cut it and JJ casually mentioned the barbershop. At that, Derek’s eyes lit up. He was always one to preach the benefits of a barbershop, offering the argument that it was a place that created a sense of family. He asked if it had been The Queer Barber’s Guild, to which JJ had nodded her head. His interest peaked, Derek asked if it had been Penelope’s recommendation. To that, JJ nodded enthusiastically again.
“Yeah, she’s always loved that place. Babygirl got me hooked on it too, right after I came out. They’ve got some really cool bi stuff in there. Who did you have? Was it Tay? They’re my bro, and a top notch barber.”
“I did have them. They made things so easy. I’m definitely only going there from now on.”
JJ and the group carried on their conversation for a little longer when she heard a squeal behind her. She turned partially to see Penelope clacking over in her yellow heels. She had a huge smile plastered on her face, and was obviously excited for JJ.
“Jayje! You look even better today than you did yesterday! So what’s going on, are we talking about the QBG because, my god, do I love that place!”
Everyone giggled and they continued the conversation. Penelope watched as JJ’s eyes shifted around the bullpen ever so slightly. Of course. JJ was looking for the only missing member, arguably her favorite one. Emily. Penelope held back her laugh yet could help but to smile at the blonde’s little search. She leaned in close to JJ and tapped her on the shoulder.
“She’s in the break room.” JJ tried to fake obliviousness, but she knew that she’d been caught.
“Thanks PG.”
Casually excusing herself from the conversation, JJ left on the behest of “files that she needed to tend to”. She didn’t care if anyone bought the excuse. In her mind, the only place for her to go was the break room. JJ wanted to show Emily the “new her”. Of course, it wasn’t new, but she felt different. Trying not to give things much more thought, JJ arrived at the break room with a quick pace.
She noticed Emily at the coffee counter, stirring her mug. JJ was overcome with something at the sight of Emily. Not even thinking, she leaned against the doorframe and called out to the brunette.
“Got enough for another cup?” Her voice was nonchalant but her heart was pounding in her chest.
Emily perked up at the sound but didn’t turn around. She finished stirring her coffee and began turning around before starting to speak.
“Jen! Oh, shoot, I just used the last of it for my cup.” Emily spoke cheerily as she brought the mug to her lips.
Then her eyes landed on JJ.
Emily completely froze, nearly choking on her coffee. Her eyes widened as they took in her friend’s new look. JJ looked hot. There was a pervading silence between them, but neither could break their trance for long enough to say something. Emily looked over the short hair on JJ’s head, inspecting it almost. She noticed how it’s varied length set off the blonde’s angular features. Emily could almost feel her knees go weak but held it together.
Neither knew nor cared to time how long they stayed like that. It somehow hadn’t reached the point of awkwardness, but both JJ and Emily’s minds were overactive. At some point, JJ managed to point back at the coffee pot. Emily jolted up and moved to the side, breaking her haze. Her gaze instead landed on their best friend in the distance, who was giving her a very enthusiastic thumbs up. Penelope Garcia really was something.
Emily rolled her eyes and turned back to JJ. She was setting things up for a new pot of coffee and the brunette couldn’t help but to watch her intently.
“So, uh, Jen. The haircut. You look amazing. It really suits you.”
“Thanks, Em. I just got it yesterday and I already feel like a whole new person. It’s a bit strange, but honestly, I love it.”
Emily smiled dopily, attempting to hide her grin behind her sips of coffee. They spoke for a little longer before the coffee was nearly done brewing. The small talk was comfortable, though not the kind of conversations they usually had. It was workplace appropriate because that was what JJ and Emily were, colleagues.
“Okay, I’m gonna head back to my desk. I’ll see you at team drinks tonight?” Emily patted JJ’s arm and turned to leave.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” JJ blushed and the two ignored the giddiness they felt.
After leaving the break room, Emily made her way to Penelope’s lair instead. She definitely had some thoughts about JJ’s new look.
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Hotch, Reid, and Rossi were the first to arrive. They were known for their punctuality. The bar wasn’t crowded just yet, the Friday night crowd was beginning to flow in. They had all changed into more casual wear, except for Rossi. The men made small talk until Derek and Emily drove in nearly 15 minutes later. They had hung out before and just decided to ride in together.
Emily and Derek’s arrival immediately added more pizzazz to the event, spurring them to order the first round of drinks. Things were lively after a crushing week at work and the BAU was ready to let loose. Not long after Emily had placed their drinks order, JJ and Penelope arrived.
JJ was wearing a white Tshirt, ripped black jeans, vans, and most importantly the leather jacket. She drowned out any thoughts of doubt with the idea that this was her family and that soon they would be intoxicated enough to simply not care. She trailed slightly behind Penelope’s eager steps but they eventually reached the table. Hotch spotted her first. He gave her an approving nod, a barely noticeable smile gracing his expression.
Emily spotted her next. Before she could stop herself, Emily’s breath caught in her throat and she gasped. JJ had left her speechless for the second time that day. Her gaze passed over every part of JJ’s outfit. She felt her face get hot and Emily shoved her hands in her pockets. By that point, JJ and Penelope had joined the group at their table but Emily had yet to say a word.
“Wow, Jen, you look amazing. That leather jacket is perfect. It’s a very hot look, but also very you.” Emily couldn’t help her awkwardness but the compliments just kept going. She couldn’t find a way to stop herself.
JJ's thoughts staggered with the compliments but she was able to thank Emily. Penelope simply watched the entire interaction with a smirk plastered on her face. After that, the alcohol took no time in arriving at their tables. They all downed those drinks quickly and went after another round. After a couple rounds, JJ pulled Emily out to the dance floor. They let the music take them over, relinquishing their thoughts to the rhythm on the dance floor.
They spent an unknown amount of time dancing, not caring about anything besides themselves and dancing. But soon, that magic started to fade and the women returned to their table. Derek was standing at the table’s side, having noticed the way that JJ and Emily stood closer as they drank more alcohol. Having a brilliant idea, he spoke up as JJ and Emily took a bite of the chips they had ordered for the table.
“JJ, Emily, I have an idea. Why don’t we play a little game? You two are the strong ladies of the BAU, including my Babygirl but right now I’m focusing on y’all. How about the two of you arm wrestle? I want to know which of you is stronger.”
“Derek, we’re both drunk. That’s not a fair game, even though we know the winner would be me.” JJ’s body swayed lightly, but Emily quickly stabilized her.
“I’m down. At least, I’m no chicken.” Emily spoke in a teasing tone, stealing a glance at JJ.
“Oh, no you don’t. Okay, let’s do it. I’m in.” JJ nodded enthusiastically, invigorated at the idea of a challenge to beat Emily in.
They cleared the space and let JJ and Emily get ready. Both did their own ridiculous warm ups, obviously exaggerating it. They set their arms down and were ready to begin when JJ stopped.
“Wait. What are the stakes?” Emily responded, saying something that she’d wanted to do for a long time.
“If I lose, I’ll take you out on a date. If you lose, you have to take me out on a date. How’s that sound?”
Her proposition shocked the entire table. They’d all been waiting for JJ and Emily to stop tiptoeing around each other. This was just not how they expected things to unfold, albeit it would make a great story for the future. Sober JJ and Penelope would have a field day with this.
“Deal.” JJ was drunk too, but that was an offer that was too good to pass up.
With that, Derek set the two up to begin the match. It was very evenly matched in the beginning. Neither woman budged, focusing very hard on their end prize. The team’s eyes shifted from JJ to Emily, and back again. Their grip was strong but no progress was being made. By the time that they had hit the 20 minute mark, Emily could feel the fog in her brain begin to clear up.
At that point, she took a closer look at her opponent. She watched the way that JJ’s blue eyes locked onto their hands, checking for even the slightest of hesitations. She saw the way that JJ’s clothes hung on her body, giving her an air of confidence that made JJ infinitely hotter. Finally, Emily looked back up to JJ’s hair. It’s long, straight stands dropped over her forehead and framed her face well. Emily lost herself in the thought of running her fingers through the silky cut.
That was when she felt the cool, hard wood of the table. Emily’s eyes widened and she looked down. There it was. Her hand was pressed against the surface, pinned underneath JJ’s.
“I win! Guess you have to take me out on that date, chicken.” JJ teased Emily, getting closer to the brunette’s face.
“I get to take someone as dashing as you out? Well, I might have lost but this seems like the better prize.
JJ’s heart soared at the compliment. The way that the word ‘dashing’ rolled off of Emily’s lips made her feel ecstatic. It wasn’t like when men called her pretty after buying a drink. This hair really was working wonders.
They ended the night with a kiss before Emily climbed out of the rideshare and walked up the apartment. JJ ran her fingers over her lips as the car pulled away. Best decision ever.
tag list: @ssa-jareaus @coramvobis @altsvu @hotchshoney @morcias @jelle-jareau @dragisthegame @ssakayprentish69 @dimitrescus-bitch @jay-writes-jemily @bridget19 @hmm-wanky @emilyprentissfangirl @tokoblade @temily
91 notes · View notes
itsadamcole · 3 years
Text
you’re not broken
fem!reader x kyle o’reilly
reader and Kyle go back to reader’s home in Philadelphia for Christmas. little does Kyle know that reader’s mother isn’t the nicest person .... “i promise you that you’re not broken”
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word count: 2.5k+
warnings: angst, mentions of death / plane crash, verbal assault, fluff
— day 3 in a row ... out of (hopefully) 25 —
masterlist || request an imagine here
part 2
***
You smile as you walk up to the front door of your childhood home. Your boyfriend's hand in yours. You hope to God that your parents and siblings will be nice to you. Maybe because Kyle is here then they might.
Christmas at home hasn't been the same since your older sister's plane crash. It's been two years but since the year after she died, your family hasn't been treating you like they used to. They've started comparing you to your sister that passed, telling you that you'll never be like she was, telling you that you'll never achieve the same success that she did in WWE.
It hasn't been the same since she died. You miss your sister. You were best friends and tag partners. She was so understanding when Kyle asked you to join the Undisputed Era and was so supportive when you had a storyline against her after you joined the Undisputed Era.
Kyle knows about some of what your family has said to you, but he doesn't know about what they've said about you and comparing you to your sister.
Speaking of Kyle, he senses you're nervous even though you have a smile on your face. He tightens his grip on your hand and he says, "Relax, Y/N. If they say something to you then I'll make sure to say something back to them. No one hurts my girl without consequences."
You look up at Kyle and say, "You're the best." You smile.
Kyle smiles down at you and pecks your lips before you knock on the door.
There is shuffling behind the door as you smooth out the front of your dark red dress and move closer to Kyle.
Your younger sister, who is thirteen years old, answers the door. "Y/N! You're here!" she says happily.
"Hey, shortie," you say, laughing. "You're not exactly short anymore, are you. You're almost as tall as me. Have you grown since I last saw you?"
She giggles and says, "It's been a little bit since you've seen me, Y/N. Come home more often." Her giggles stop and she starts to pout.
You hug your younger sister and say, "I would love to come home but I have a title to defend." You look at Kyle. He smiles at you.
Ever since your parents changed their attitude toward you, you've stayed away from Philadelphia. You've been staying with Kyle in Orlando to be close to the Performance Center and Full Sail. You haven't been back home since July and it's now December. Your sister turned thirteen in the time you've been away.
"I know," your younger sister says. "I just miss you."
You kiss the side of your sister's head and say, "I miss you too. You can always come down to Florida. I'll even buy you a plane ticket if you want to come visit. Maybe get Y/B/N to come with you since he's 18."
Your older sister was almost 30 when she died. You're 28. There's a ten year difference between you and your brother and your youngest sister is 13.
Y/S/N says, "If Mom and Dad will let me go. They've been strict since the accident and they won't even let us get on a plane."
"I'll talk to them tonight," you say. "Maybe you guys can come spend New Years with Kyle and I."
Kyle nods and says, "The boys will be there too with their girlfriends and wives but we'd love to have you come down, Y/S/N."
She smiles and says, "Yay." Your sister skips inside the house and you sigh, looking up at Kyle.
"Are you naturally that good with kids or what?" you ask.
Kyle laughs and says, "Naturally that good."
You smile and reach up, pressing a kiss to Kyle's lips. You walk into the house holding Kyle's hand.
"Mom!" you call. "I'm here!"
Your mom says, "In the kitchen, sweetheart!" You walk into the large kitchen. You're greeted with the smell of roast beef as soon as you walk into the kitchen.
Y/B/N sits at the kitchen island with Y/S/N and they're playing something on Y/B/N computer. You run up behind your brother and attack him with a hug from behind. "Hey, baby bro," you say.
"Jesus, Y/N," he gasps. "You scared me and I'm trying to win as imposter."
That's when you realize he's playing Among Us. You see his name in red. "Ooh," you giggle. "Let me in at some point tonight. I wanna kick you ass."
You, Kyle, and your siblings laugh. You mother scolds, "Y/N! Language please."
"Ass isn't a bad word, mother," you sigh. "Relax."
Kyle looks at you then looks at your mom, who says, "You know such language is not allowed in this house."
You roll your eyes and say to your brother, "I'll play after dinner, if I'm still here."
Your brother nods and you take Kyle's hand, leaving the kitchen and walking into the living room. Your dad sits on the couch with wrestling on the TV.
"Hi, daddy," you smile, kissing the top of his head. "What are you watching?"
Your dad smiles and say, "Hi, pumpkin. I'm watching one of Shawn Michaels' old matches."
You sit beside your dad and Kyle sits beside you. "Nice to see you again, Mr. L/N," Kyle says.
"You too, Kyle," your dad says. "Is there a match the two of you would like to watch?"
Kyle says, "How about Randy Orton versus Drew McIntyre at Hell in a Cell? That match was amazing."
You dad says, "I agree. It's such a good match." He puts it on. "You have good taste in matches, Kyle."
He laughs and says, "Y/N and I have very similar taste in matches. We both like the matches that involve cells or weapons. Y/N likes tables."
"They're the worst to go through in real life but it's fun to watch other people go through them," you say.
Your dad laughs and says, "Your sister liked table matches too. She said the same thing. They were a pain to go through but she loved watching them."
Your mood tanks at the mention of your sister. Kyle notices this and takes your hand. You rest your head on his shoulder and watch Drew lose his title to Randy.
It's close to twenty minutes later before your mother calls, "Dinner!"
Your dad gets up, walking to the dining room. You look up at Kyle and you say, "Whatever they say, either ignore it or just let me handle it, okay?"
Kyle says, "I'm jumping in if it looks like you need help. I'm serious."
You nod and walk into the dining room with Kyle. Your mother is serving your father dinner. A lot sits out on the large table. A plate with cut up roast beef, corn sits in a bowl, mashed potatoes right next to the corn, biscuits, green beans, and a bowl of mac n' cheese all sit on the table.
You help yourself to some mac n' cheese and say, "Dinner looks amazing, Mom."
"Thank you, Y/N," she says. Her voice is cold. Obviously she's still mad about you saying the word 'ass' in front of her.
Kyle grabs some roast beef and takes a bit. "Mhm," he hums. "This is the best roast beef I've had in a long time."
You smile and say, "Mom slow roasts it in the oven. It takes all day but so worth it." Kyle smiles and takes another bite.
Y/S/N says, "Mom, can Y/B/N and I spend New Years in Florida with Y/N and Kyle?"
Mom looks at you then at your sister before asking, "How do you plan on getting back here, Y/S/N?"
You look at your mom and say, "I can accompany them back. Kyle and I leave in two days to go back to Orlando so we can just book Y/S/N and Y/B/N seats on the same flight as Kyle and I."
"Please, Mom?" your sister pleads.
"Yeah, please?" your brother chimes in.
Your mom looks at your siblings and says, "You both know how I feel about planes. They crash."
Your sister gets a sad look on her face and you say, "It's very rare, Mom. I've flown plenty of times."
"You were supposed to be on the flight that Y/OS/N was on," your mother snaps. "You realize that, right?"
A pang of hurt hits you in the chest and you say, "I'm well aware but it's not my fault that the plane crashed, Mom."
Your mother looks at you from across the table and says, "It should've been you on that plane, Y/N. Instead it was your sister, who actually made this family proud."
Kyle says, "Woah, okay. Mrs. L/N, that's not fair on Y/N's part. She had no idea that the plane would crash."
Tears well up in your eyes and you say, "I make this family proud too, Mom. I've held tag titles, I currently hold the only women's singles title in NXT. I'm in a group that has made history in NXT. I've made history with Y/OS/N as longest reigning and most reigns as WWE Women's Tag Team champion."
Your mother says, "Your sister held the Raw Women's title for a record breaking 450 days. How long have you held the NXT Women's title for?"
"348 days, and counting," you spit at her. "I'm only behind her by 100 days, which I plan on breaking. Then I plan on breaking Asuka's longest reign of 510 days just to prove to you that I can do every fucking thing that Y/OS/N did!"
Your mother's eyes widen and she says, "Curse one more time in my house and you will never be allowed back in."
You stare at her and say, "Fine. Fuck you, Mom. Fuck you for ever comparing me to Y/OS/N and fuck you for never being proud of me even though I've achieved the same success as she did." You look at your siblings. "Go upstairs and pack a suitcase. I'm taking you two with me."
They nod and run upstairs. You slam your silverware down on the table and you stand up. Your mother says, "That is not how you talk to your mother, Y/N."
You cry, "You have not been my mother since my sister died. Not the way that you've been treating me."
As you walk away, you hear Kyle say, "She's grieving too. She knows that it should have been her too, and she'll carry that with her for the rest of her life. She doesn't need her mother of all people telling her that it should've been her in the plane instead of Y/OS/N. Her sister was her best friend and she lost a lot that day too."
Your sister and brother walk down the stairs and you look at them. Your sister runs to you and hugs you. Your brother hugs you too. You hug them back.
Kyle walks out into the foyer and you look up at him. He says, "Come on. I'll change our flights to tonight and we can be down in Florida by midnight. We'll buy Y/S/N and Y/B/N some clothes when we get back to Orlando."
You nod, leaving the house with Kyle and your siblings.
***
It's right after midnight when you, Kyle, and your siblings get back to the house you share with Kyle.
You moved in with Kyle about six months ago after a year or so of dating. The house is three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, and two floors. You sigh as you walk in the door.
Kyle sets your siblings up in the guest bedrooms as you go and lay in your bedroom. You finally change out of the dress and get into one of Kyle's shirts. You curl into a ball and let out what you've been holding in.
Your face is in your pillow and your makeup is being cried off your face.
The door to the bedroom closes and Kyle sighs, "Your siblings are in bed and they're both all set up in their rooms."
You sit up and look at Kyle. He looks at you and his face falls. He grabs a box of tissues and you say, "I'm a mess, I'm sorry." You take a tissue and wipe your makeup stained tears away.
"You're okay," he says, sitting next to you. "It's okay to cry, Y/N. You don't have to be strong every day, especially after what you have been through."
You crawl over onto Kyle's lap and say, "I feel broken, Kyle. I have since my sister died in that plane crash. I feel like I haven't healed at all."
"Hey," Kyle says. "I promise you that you're not broken, Y/N. You're sad, you're grieving, but you're not broken."
You start to cry softly and say, "I miss her, Kyle. Why couldn't it have been me instead of her?"
Kyle says, "Don't say that. Please don't. I need you here. Your sister and your brother need you here. The WWE Universe needs you here. Adam, Roderick, and Bobby need you here. Don't let your mother tell you otherwise."
You look up at Kyle. He wipes your tears away with his thumbs. You say, "I love you, Kyle. I'm so in love with you."
Kyle smiles at you and says, "I love you too, Y/N. I need you here. Selfishly, a part of me is glad you were on that plane because I don't know what I would do without you."
You lean in and press a lingering kiss to his lips. Kyle kisses you back before he pulls back and says, "Marry me."
"Kyle," you say, meeting his eyes.
He says, "I'm serious. Marry me. You can come to my family's house in Canada for holidays, we can spend the rest of our lives doing this. I love you, and I want to start a family with you."
You don't hesitate to nod and say, "Yes. I'll marry you, Kyle."
Kyle smiles and kisses you. You smile into the kiss. You smile for real for the first time in a very long time.
That smile doesn't leave your lips as you lay with Kyle in bed, cuddles up to him. He holds you in his arms and your legs are intertwined with his.
His fingers run through your hair. Your eyes are closed and he says, "I don't have a ring yet, by the way. I didn't even know that I was going to propose until I did."
You giggle and say, "We'll go ring shopping eventually. I just want to lay with you right now."
Kyle shifts a bit and gets comfortable. You smile and begin to doze off.
"Merry Christmas, baby," Kyle whispers. "I forgot to tell you at midnight."
You mumble, "Merry Christmas, Kyle."
Then you fall asleep.
45 notes · View notes
letterstomilen · 3 years
Text
i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)
Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.
Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 
“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.
(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)
“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”
“You said that six seasons ago.”
Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”
“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.
Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.
(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)
“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”
A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.
Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)
Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.
Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.
“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”
“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.
“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”
“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.
“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”
Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.
“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”
“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.
“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.
Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.
 Childe
12:35
ur a horrible influence on tonia
 Childe
12:35
and whos this ZHONGLI
 Childe
12:35
also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os
 Twin 1
12:37
a normal person would say hi
 Twin 1
12:37
also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school
 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?
 Childe
12:38
thats not very convincing
 Childe
12:38
also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares
 Twin 1
12:39
isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12
 Childe
12:42
thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”
 Twin 1
12:42
well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk
 Childe
12:42
whats asmr
 Childe
12:43
asking for my sister btw
 Twin 1
12:44
A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.
 Childe
12:45
wtf?
 Twin 1
12:45
people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????
 Childe
12:45
idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos
 Twin 1
12:47
… makes sense
 Twin 1
12:47
check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type
 Childe
12:48
i thought we were talking about my sister????
 Twin 1
12:50
[message screenshots.jpg]
 Twin 1
12:50
ya she told me everything
 Twin 1
12:50
have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA
 Childe
12:51
hope he does it
He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)
It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)
When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.
The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.
Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.
Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.
“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”
Holy shit.
For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)
His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.
Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”
This time is different though.
Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.
And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.
The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)
Oh God — oh fuck.
“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.
“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)
“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)
“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”
“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”
“Huh?”
The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?
“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.
“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.
“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”
“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”
“Yeah.”
Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.
Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.
39 notes · View notes
s-k-y-w-a-l-k-e-r · 4 years
Text
My GIF making process!
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I’ve been asked many times for a tutorial, but because I get really detailed, I always get overwhelmed by the idea. But I finally decided to buckle down! 
Just so you know: I don’t use PSDs in this, and I don’t import layers to frames or anything like that. I like the hard way—at least in gif making, I believe you get higher quality gifs. Join me as I show you how to make gifs by loading videos directly into the Photoshop timeline and my coloring and sharpening techniques.
Tools used:
Mac OS X (only necessary for the first step, and there are other ways around it with a PC)
Adobe Photoshop
YouTube Purchases (any streaming service will work)
Topics covered:
Obtaining the Source Material
Loading the video file into Photoshop
Prepping, Cropping, and Resizing the Media
Adjustment Layers
Sharpening
Exporting
Obtaining the Source Material
There are a few different methods for obtaining video to work with. Proper YouTube videos are nice, but finding any major motion picture in that format is difficult, if not illegal.
Once I realized I could get really great quality video by doing screen recordings from streaming services, I stopped worrying about finding (and pirating) high resolution video files. So now, I just go to whichever streaming service I need to, pick out the movie or show, find the spot, and record small snippets.
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Mac screen recording instructions:
On a Mac, Command+Shift+5 will bring up the screen recording dialogue. 
Resize the frame of what you want to record within the browser. 
Go to a second or two before, press the “record” button, and then begin playing the video, remembering to keep your cursor out of the recording box. 
Use the Space bar to pause your video when you’ve gotten the snippet you need. Stop the screen recording by clicking the ⏹ button that is in your menu bar at the top of the screen.
Important: when the recording appears in the bottom right of your screen, click on it, and then trim the video on either end. This will help your computer convert the video file to the type that can be opened by Photoshop.
Click “done” and it will appear on your desktop, ready to be used!
PC Users: ??? Here’s a Google search I did for you
 Loading the video file into Photoshop
Lots of people use this process for making gifs (a great tutorial!). I didn’t even know it existed until last summer, when I’d already been giffing for years. I wish I could still do something like that with these screen recordings, but the files are absolutely HUGE, especially on Macs with double retina displays, which actually increase the dpi by a lot. Making screencaps of them fills up my hard drive, almost immediately—even when I’ve got 20 gigs of free space to work with. So what do we do? We just. Open the file. In Photoshop. Et voila!
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You can do this with any type of video, not just screen recordings.
 Prepping, Cropping, and Resizing the Media
When Photoshop loads your videos up, it makes the video hilariously fast (something about frame conversion). You must slow it down for it to look natural. THIS MUST BE DONE BEFORE YOU RESZE. Your Photoshop timeline window should be at the bottom of the screen. See that little triangle in the top right of the video? 
Click on it, and a menu will appear to change speed and duration.
Change the speed first- usually between 80-85% will seem realistic. (I actually went a little faster than I usually would on this at almost 86%—I don’t recommend this)
Press the button next to duration and pull the toggle all the way to the far right (if you don’t do this, full length of the video will be cut off).
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Now you’ll want to crop it. Ever since Tumblr upped its GIF size limit, I have been playing around with 7:5 ratios, but let’s go with 3:2 for now. Use the Crop tool, pick out 3:2 in the top left (it may say 2:3, but you can switch that) and then find the most suitable spot in your gif for that. Hit enter on your keyboard.
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Some things to keep in mind when cropping:
Most videos come in 16:9 ratio (BoRhap is even wider). If it’s a wide shot, you’ll need to do the full 16:9 to not lose anything. Of course, experiment and find what’s right for you!
As you can see above, I moved forward in the timeline and made the crop to a point in the video when the broadest movement was happening.
Certain videos WILL have a black or red bar that may be imperceptible until you’ve already exported the gif. Just crop in a little tighter on top and bottom to avoid them.
Now you’ll need to resize your gif to be the correct size for Tumblr. If you don’t use Tumblr’s exact dimensions, your gifs (as uploaded) will appear blurry or pixellated. We’re doing a full-width gif here, which is 540px. On a Mac, I use Command+Option+I (for “Image Size) to open the resize dialogue. You can also find it under Image->Image size...
Make sure to also have “Resample” checked. Lately I’ve been playing around to see if different options are better. Most GIF makers use “Bicubic Sharper (Reduction)” and they are not wrong to do so. I’ve just been unhappy with it lately, so I have been trying this other setting out, “Bicubic (smooth gradients)”.
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Click OK. A dialogue may come up that asks if you want to convert to a Smart Object. The answer is yes, okay, do it. The only major caveat is that you can’t go back and change the timeline speed. That’s why we did it first. But you can preview the speed now that it’s smaller, and if you don’t like it, use Command+Z (or “Undo”) and go back a couple steps to get the speed you like.
You may find, especially on a Mac screen (and possibly other displays), that at 100% your gif looks too small to be 540px. That is the curse and blessing of working with super-high resolution hardware. Zoom in to 200% and proceed about your business. This is what it will look like on Tumblr.
You may find it helpful at this point to begin by defining the beginning and end of your gif by moving around these bumpers. It’s safe to keep gifs under 02:00f in length. Under half of 01:00f will be way too short. (I tend to overshoot in length and then trim the beginning and the end once I see how big the gifs are upon exporting.)
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 Adjustment Layers
Now the creativity and fun begin!
There are a LOT of ways to get creative here. I’m going to keep it simple, very simple, but I strongly recommend opening up a new adjustment layer of each type and trying to figure out what each does!
You’ll find the adjustment layer menu at the bottom of the Layers window.
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Curves
There are a lot of ways to make Curves work for you! It can do the job of Brightness/Contrast, it can do Levels, it can do Color Balance! We’re going to use it mainly to help with brightness here, but also to level out some of the tones. One of the quick tricks you can do is use the droppers on the left side of the Properties window. There are three- one with a white tip, one gray, one black. These can help define what your white tones are (and whether they need to be more of one color or another), and so on with your blacks. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; in this case, I think it doesn’t:
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That looks totally blown out and somehow also too dark!
So instead, we’re going to use that little hand with the finger pointing out and some arrows pointing up and down. This lets you define which sections you want to get brighter or darker, and how much. It doesn’t do color correction. In the example below, you can see I dragged up on a white spot and down on a dark spot. Then, I moved points around on the curve itself to refine (which the gif here doesn’t show...).
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Vibrance/Saturation x2
Next, I’ve been using @gwil-lee​‘s Vibrance/Saturation trick (I know you said you learned it from someone else, but I learned it from you!). 
Create a Vibrance Adjustment layer, bump the values up a bunch, and then change its Fill to somewhere between 2-9%. Change the Blend Mode to Color Burn. Then make a copy of that layer keeping everything the same, but make it Color Dodge. I can’t quite define what these do, but it makes it punchier!
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Color Balance
Most people are familiar with this. For this gif, I’m going to make the shadows more Cyan/Blue and the highlights more Red/Yellow. Just a few points each. 
Exposure
I brought the Exposure up a bit, but not enough for you to need to read about, haha.
Selective Color
Here’s where you make fine adjustments to colors. This particular scene is extremely simple, color-wise, so keep it simple. I’m going to bump up the cyans/blues, take up the black by just a point or two, and maybe bump up the yellows and reds a tiny bit. (And as always, remember, the “opposite” of cyan is red, the opposite of magenta is green, and the opposite of yellow is blue. CMY/RGB!)
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I think at this point I’m going to call it with the adjustment layers. You can go absolutely hogwild with more of them! But at this point, I’m ready to start sharpening!
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 Sharpening
I do three sharpening filters these days. These are all under Filter->Sharpen. Make sure your media layer (default called Layer 1) is selected as we go through this! (Also, this can really take a toll on your processor, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
Sharpen- This layer does the basic job
Smart Sharpen (Amount: 10%, Radius: 10, Reduce Noise: 4% Gaussian Blur)- This layer gives texture
Smart Sharpen (Amount: 500, Radius: 0.3, Reduce Noise: 12% Gaussian Blur)- This layer gives refined sharpening and smoothing
Fiddle with these as needed! Let your gif play all the way through- this may go slowly as your processor works on it. Make sure the beginning and end points make sense.
 Exporting
After You’re going to have to use File->Export->Save For Web (Legacy)... or use the shortcut of Shift+Option+Command+S. This could take some time for the dialogue to pop up! Be patient.
In my opinion, these are the best gif export settings for crisp edges and no noise:
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Now you see how big the file is in the bottom left. Tumblr won’t let you upload anything bigger than 10MB and it’s safer to stay under 9MB, in my experience. When your gif is too big, you have a couple options. You can close the dialogue and change the length of your gif. 
OR, you can uncheck “Interlaced” and bump up the lossy to 1 or or more. This will create noise. Sometimes, that’s a good thing!
Here’s without lossy:
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Here’s WITH lossy: (Honestly in a fast moving gif like this, it’s almost imperceptible, but I can see it!)
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And now that I’ve exported, I can see what there’s a little black line on the bottom! So I’m going to trim that off and call it good! You can see the full gifset here.
Hope you enjoyed! Reblog if you try this out or learned anything. Feel free to reach out with questions any time!
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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years
Text
THE ANATOMY OF VC BE A STARTUP
If in the next couple years. Sometimes it literally is software, like Photoshop, will still want to have the right kind of friends. Where the work of PR firms.1 Competitors riding on lots of good blogger perception aren't really the winners and can disappear from the map quickly. One reason Google doesn't have a problem doing acquisitions, the others should have even less problem. Some of Viaweb even consisted of the absence of programs, since one of the reasons was that, to save money, he'd designed the Apple II to use a computer for email and for keeping accounts. They want to know what is a momentous one. How do you find them? Suppose it's 1998. The big media companies shouldn't worry that people will post their copyrighted material on YouTube. Once someone is good at it, but regardless it's certainly constraining.
Gone with the Wind plus Roots. This is extremely risky, and takes months even if you succeed.2 At most software companies, especially at first. Their answers were remarkably similar. I use constantly?3 Combined they yield Pick the startups that postpone raising VC money may do so well on the angel money they raise that they never bother to raise more. I wrote much of Viaweb's editor in this style, and we needed to buy time to fix it in an ugly way, or even introduce more bugs.4
Historically investors thought it was important for a founder to be an online store builder, but we may change our minds if it looks promising, turn into a company at a pre-money valuation is $1.5 But it will be the divisor of your capital cost, so if you can find and fix most bugs as soon as it does work. Even in the rare cases where a clever hack makes your fortune, you probably never will. You may not believe it, but regardless it's certainly constraining.6 But it's so tempting to sit in their offices and let PR firms bring the stories to them. Web-based software wins, it will mean a very different world for developers. I think we're just beginning to see its democratizing effects. But this is old news to Lisp programmers. If 98% of the time.7 It might help if they were a race apart.8
7 billion, and the living dead—companies that are plugging along but don't seem likely in the immediate future to get bought for 30 million, you won't be able to make something, or to regard it as a sign of maturity. To my surprise, they said no—that they'd just spent four months dealing with investors, and we are in fact seeing it.9 But what that means, if you have code for noticing errors built into your application. The number of possible connections between developers grows exponentially with the size of the group. We think of the overall cost of owning it. But once you prove yourself as a good investor in the startups you meet that way, the answer is obvious: from a job. Your housemate was hungry. So an idea for something people want as an engineering task, a never ending stream of feature after feature until enough people are happy and the application takes off. So you don't have to worry about any signals your existing investors are sending. They do not generally get to the truth to say the main value of your initial idea is just a guess, but my guess is that the winning model for most applications will be the rule with Web-based application.
It's practically a mantra at YC. You probably need about the amount you invest, this can vary a lot.10 If you lose a deal to None, all VCs lose.11 Plenty of famous founders have had some failures along the way. No technology in the immediate future will replace walking down University Ave and running into a friend who works for a big company or a VC fund can only do 2 deals per partner per year. For insiders work turns into a duty, laden with responsibilities and expectations.12 In addition to catching bugs, they were moving to a cheaper apartment.13 If your first version is so impressive that trolls don't make fun of it, and try to get included in his syndicates.14 VCs did this to them.15
Most people, most of the surprises. So the previously sharp line between angels and VCs. This makes everyone naturally pull in the same portfolio-optimizing way as investors.16 And there is a big motivator.17 These things don't get discovered that often. Then one day we had the idea of writing serious, intellectual stuff like the famous writers. You need investors. The mud flat morphs into a well. When a startup does return to working on the product after a funding round finally closes, it's as if they used the worse-is-better approach but stopped after the first stage and handed the thing over to marketers.
Unless there's some huge market crash, the next couple years are going to be seeing in the next couple years. And yet when I got back I didn't discard so much as a box of it. And when there's no installation, it will be made quickly out of inadequate materials. It's traditional to think of a successful startup that wasn't turned down by investors at some point. But that doesn't mean it's wrong to sell.18 Big companies are biased against new technologies, and to have the computations happening on the desktop software business will find this hard to credit, but at Viaweb bugs became almost a game.19 Plans are just another word for ideas on the shelf.
I wouldn't try it myself. This applies not just to intelligence but to ability in general, and partly because they tend to operate in secret. Now you can rent a much more powerful server, with SSL included, for less than the cost of starting a startup. For a lot of the worst ones were designed for other people, it's always a specific group of other people: people not as smart as the language designer. We're not hearing about Perl and Python because people are using them to write Windows apps. But if you look into the hearts of hackers, you'll see that they really love it.20 I am always looking.21 But you know perfectly well how bogus most of these are. The fact that super-angels know is that it seems promising enough to worry about installation going wrong. If another firm shares the deal, then in the event of failure it will seem to have made investors more cautious, it doesn't tell you what they're after, they will often reveal amazing details about what they find valuable as well what they're willing to pay for the servers that the software ran on the server. Why can't defenders score goals too? If coming up with ideas for startups?
Notes
But if they pay a lot of people who need the money.
A Bayesian Approach to Filtering Junk E-Mail.
Unless you're very docile compared to sheep. Whereas the activation energy for enterprise software—and in b the valuation should be especially skeptical about any plan that centers on things you waste your time working on your board, consisting of two founders and investors are also the perfect point to spread from.
Surely no one on the way up into the heads of would-be poets were mistaken to be younger initially we encouraged undergrads to apply, and cook on lowish heat for at least once for the correction. I know it didn't to undergraduates on the y, you'd see a clear upward trend.
The hardest kind of method acting. Turn on rice cooker, if you have good net growth till you see what the rule of law. But there are no discrimination laws about starting businesses. In fact, this seems empirically false.
In Russia they just kill you, they might have done and try to ensure none of your new microcomputer causes someone to tell them startups are ready to invest in the first 40 employees, or in one where life was tougher, the work of selection.
The best kind of kludge you need to, but except for money. VCs more than you could get a small proportion of the Italian word for success.
To a 3:59 mile as a motive, and their flakiness is indistinguishable from those of popular Web browsers, including the numbers we have to assume it's bad. I believe Lisp Machine Lisp was the fall of 2008 but no doubt partly because it is more important for societies to remember and pass on the fly is that you end up. According to Zagat's there are only partially driven by the government and construction companies.
One great advantage of startups have elements of both. Not least because they're determined to fight. The quality of investor behavior.
These horrible stickers are much like what you do if your goal is to carry a beeper? Acquisitions fall into in the angel is being unfair to him?
Which OS?
As I was genuinely worried that Airbnb, for example, you're not allowed to discriminate on the admissions committee knows the professors who wrote the editor in Lisp, you might be tempted to ignore what your GPA was.
Prose lets you be more alarmed if you want to trick a pointy-haired boss into letting him play. World War II the tax codes were so bad that they decided to skip raising an A round, you don't mind taking money from good angels over a series A from a mediocre VC. The dictator in the US. Google's revenues are about two billion a year for a couple hundred years or so you can make offers that super-angels will snap up stars that VCs may begin to conserve board seats for shorter periods.
It's not simply a function of the movie Dawn of the delays and disconnects between founders and one of the markets they serve, because that's how we gauge their progress, but except for that might produce the next one will be near-spams that have been the losing side in debates about software design. Japanese.
There were a first—9. Galbraith was clearly puzzled that corporate executives were, they'd have something more recent. Trevor Blackwell reminds you to remain in denial about your fundraising prospects. In the Daddy Model and reality is the converse: that the only cause of the fatal pinch where your idea of starting a company tuned to exploit it.
A few VCs have an email being spam.
The late 1960s were famous for social upheaval. Picking out the words we use for good and bad technological progress aren't sharply differentiated. Letter to Oldenburg, quoted in Westfall, Richard.
So you can fix by writing library functions.
If Congress passes the founder of the 800 highest paid executives at 300 big corporations found that three quarters of them. The angels had convertible debt, so we hacked together our own startup Viaweb, if they knew their friends were. But be careful. The original Internet forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups.
The only people who had been with us if the quality of production. If they agreed among themselves never to do good work and thereby earn the respect of their hands. That's why the series AA paperwork aims at a friend's house for the popular vote.
Galbraith p. And so this one is harder, the median VC loses money. European art.
Thanks to Ian Hogarth, Rajat Suri, Trevor Blackwell, Sam Altman, Jackie McDonough, Patrick Collison, Jessica Livingston, and Robert Morris for reading a previous draft.
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fipindustries · 4 years
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The ludomancer
So you heard of parahumans fans using their own lives to come up with triggers and create their own fan capes? well, that is more than well trodden ground so i figured lets take it an extra notch and figure out my own fan practitioner, my own fanctitioner! (disclaimer: many of of the personal details here were either exagerated or fabricated for dramatic effect)
backstory
i had open heart surgery when i was 6 months old, and if niccolette belanger is anything to go by, having big openings in your flesh at a very young age is free real state for persky spirits. Just imagine this giant entrance direct to my chest, leaving my heart ridden with holes and openly exposed.
Now this was in a very modern hospital in and incredibly sterile enviroment so is not like there were a lot of grisly phantasmagoric spirits crawling all over the place, you i was covered head to toe in technology, multiple wires and tubes and god knows what else all poking out of my chest, back in those days i was more machine than human. So with that in mind i like the idea that perhaps some fairly young spirits of electricity, technology, science and artificousness got inside me.
nothing too wild and powerful considering these things were all relatively recent by the standards of the practisce, but enough to have an influence. The general result is that i would be naturally inclined towards STEM fields, mad scientists, math and engeneering as a kid. I would constantly find myself getting involved into these enviroments (even when i didnt want to) such as going to a course in robotics, going to a high school soecialized in mechanics, studing computer science in college, etc.
my life would go on more or less like normal, the spirits slowly growing inside of me but always kept in check by my own essense and sense of self. Until...
Awareness
i changed careers and went to live at a college dorm in the middle of nowhere, five kilometers away from the nearest city, a small oasis of technology in the desert and the central hub for the Wi Fi of my state. As the years went by i became more and more isolated, my Conections grew weaker, my own sense of self got thinner and thinner (exacerbated by me finally questioning my gender identity). my prescence on the world was almost non existant, spending most of my time in my dorm in my computer not interacting with anyone, browsing ever incresingly more niche or obscure websites.
in this oasis of technology in the middle of nowhere, with my personal conections and sense of identity growing weaker, the spirits within me started to grow stronger and stronger, starting to screw with my very perception of reality, pushing things so that i would start to go down weird rabbit holes online, reading strange texts in impossibly formatted websites that would introduce strange ideas about the nature of reality, some times even downright attempting to posses me (i would try to rationalize these episodes where i would experience derealization as just panic attacts).
The spirits of technology would introduce me to forbidden ideas online, dangerous memetic cognitohazards, basiliks that would force me to perform obscure rituals to summon  demonic entities from lost planes of reality, not aligned with human values. They would try and convince me that reality was a simulation and coax me to pierce the veil and see the true subyacent reality, that subatomic particles were capable of experiencing suffering, that i could be tortured for eternity if enough people were kept from getting dust specks in their eyes. If things had gone like that for much longer i would have probably ended up summoning or becoming an Ex Machina and probably an entire wing of the college campus would have been condemned.
Luckly in my college there just hapened to be a young dabbler who got wind of my situation. They took notice of me and were kind enough to put me in touch with an online community of witch hunters who specialized in cases like mine (the dabbler didnt take care of it themselves because they didnt want to accidentally reveal to me more than strictly necessary about the magic world, the group of witch hunters had a lot more experience solving this problems without the karmic burden of awakening someone)
The witch hunters were a fairly niche group within the larger community of witch hunters. They specialized in bayesian techniques. Using the tools of rationality to dispell illutions, glamours, mind tricks and half truths. They established firm rules for thinking and percieving the world so that Others wouldnt be able to decieve or manipulate them. Calling bullshit on the impossible. Their organization, the Magical Interference Restriction Institute, coordinated the efforts to develop safe protocols for the practisce in the digital age.
They exorcised most of it, gave me a few basic mental tools and rituals to keep the spirits in check and recommended me to try and forget about the whole affair. But fat chance about that, by this point my eyes had been opened.
The awakening
When i finished college and moved to a different city i did everything in my power to enter in contact with the practitioner world again. Walking around the city, reading craiglist adds, looking into different organizations. Of course i wasnt acting blindly, i was guided by some of the things that i had picked up during my posessions, the things the spirits had revealed to me, the forbidden texts that i had read and some of the advice the witch hunters gave me.
Eventually i managed to follow conections and came across a small cabal of practitioners who put the front of a board game club to recruit people and have a place to reunite while looking legitimate and not arising suspicion from the mundanes. The way the club would work was that on the front it was a normal place to play things like Catan, Carcassone, king of tokyo, etc. But on the back room they would “play test” new “games” between the senior members of the club. when in reality they would workshop new rituals to perform.
They would focus on a fairly recent branch of magic caled Ludomancy. Focused on the idea that any boardgame is in the end a ritual. it would be this communal activity with rules and mechanics, supported by the illution and the beliefs of the players who would manipulate symbols and idols across intricate diagrams. 
they saw my experience with rules, logic and technology applied to magic and saw enough potential in me that they allowed me to join. Their awakening ritual is a bit different than most since they customized it based on their findings and experiences with rituals. Instead os sitting in a circle the circle is inscribed in a board. The piece that you use to move through the board has to be carved by you and has to be composed of elements that represent you and that are meaningful to you and it has to hold within a couple of drops of your blood.
You throw the dice and move across the board and depending on what places you fall in on of the cards will be drawn from the multiple decks. These cards will either give you challenges to overcome to prove yourself, make declarations and impositions on the kind of practitioner you will be once you awaken or just be criptic messages and riddles that wont be relevant or mean anything to you until many years down the line. You have to overcome the challenges, answer the questions posed by the cards and most of all, play the rules cleverly so that you can make your piece reach the center of the board and scream jumanji to complete the ritual. Now the rules of every awakening playthrough change and they can be incredibly intricate and complex, it can take a lot of cleverness of a lot of luck to finish this ritual but once you do you find yourself in a much firmer and powerful grounding than most begginers do.
the practice
i would probably focus on shamanism, collecting spirits here and there, slow and steady accumulation of a power base. i would like to get into constructs, acumulating spirits, helping them grow, give them a bit of my own power to help the process along, like sacrificing one drop of blood every week, or establishing small rituals of worship, and then mix and mashing them together to build more complex spirits, also i would probably offer small favors to the local practitioners in exchange of tibdits, trinkets and sources of power, always keeping it low profile and not too ambitious, something like helping with a ritual here and there, being a pair of extra hands, mostly giving help establishing magic circles and drawing diagrams, running small errands, sending messages. it would help let other people know that im not too much of a concern and hopefully they would let me be
if you need help or want to make an exchange with me you could come to my house and i would offer to play a game (usually one i made up) and in the process of playing the game i would perform the magic that you need or arrange the cosmological and quintessential pieces inside and outside of you according to your request.
My implement would be a set of D&D dices that i can use to make a bit of augury, affect probabilities, dictate outcomes and, in times of need, cheat at my games a bit. the rest of my equipment would be booklets and notebooks filled with my own designs, rulesets and texbooks, lots and of graph paper and one actual RPG supplement that i would use to bluff some of the more out of date Others by claiming that i have tomes filled with arcane spells and a full compendium of magicl creatures.
eventually i would try to diversify, focusing more on crafting and building, going more for the angle of the toy maker rather than game designer. I would build complex structures in papercraft, small mechanisms with cardboard, intricate contraptions with some clockwork and some springs.
i probably wouldnt get a familiar, i just dont see my self commiting to a life long companion. i would desperatly try to establish a demesne but that would also be rather complicated since i dont see my self owning property any time soon either.
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Binary | Part I
Gravity is an inescapable force, even within the darkest corners of the universe. It's only a matter of time before something collides.
EMERGENCY STARTUP INITIALIZING
BOOTING...
BOOTING...
BOOTING...[SUCCESS]
BIOS Configuration: [SUCCESS]
Loading OS...
CPU Check: [SUCCESS]
API Check: [SUCCESS]
Memory Banks: [OK]
AI Application: [OK]
Internal Software: [OK]
Anatomical Components: [OK]
Finalizing...
EMERGENCY STARTUP COMPLETE
INITIALIZING USER INTERFACE
       ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇
For someone in a quite literal life-or-death situation, you were taking the news of your possible demise rather well. Perhaps that doesn't say much for someone in your line of work. Space exploration was a risky business, and coming home was not always guaranteed. Most, if not all who worked for the Federal Alliance of Astronomic Exploration knew that possibility before they signed on the dotted line.
You didn't expect it would be on your first solo mission, though.
In hindsight, your day seemed a little bit too perfect leading up to this mess, and maybe your cynical subconscious was expecting this pivotal point where everything goes south. Regardless, you weren't one to sit by while cursing your misfortune. And overall, it could be even worse. At least the life support was still functioning.
Oh, how you wished there was wood somewhere on the ship.
Standard protocol demands that regardless of the severity of the crisis, the ship's captain - in your case, yourself - was to immediately activate the emergency beacon and contact mission control. Step one was already a fail. According to the diagnostic scans, communications, navigation, and the engines were severely damaged and would take hours or even days for the self-repair bots to make any sort of significant progress. So, channeling in your former academy student self, you skipped right on to Plan B.
"Greetings, Lieutenant."
Or rather, Plan B skipped right on to you.
You nearly jumped out of your chair but managed to only give a startled gasp. Wheeling around, you came face to face with Plan B. For a glorified chunk of metal, it sure did move quietly.
"Are you alright?" said chunk of metal asked with a surprising amount of realism to his...its tone. "I detected a sudden increase in your heart rate. Are you in need of medical attention?"
You stared, temporarily taken aback by its sudden appearance. Sure, you were briefed on the purpose of the Auxiliary Crisis Sensory Emulating Learner, or ACSEL for short, but seeing one activated was an entirely new experience. The almost lifelike expression was truly something to behold, and you really ought to give a shout-out to the techs back home who made this happen. If you made it home...
Which led back to the matter at hand.
"No, I'm okay. You just surprised me, that's all," you sighed. "I didn't receive a notification that you were activated."
The ACSEL unit tilted its head and narrowed its eyes as if contemplating. It really was going to take some time getting used to those mannerisms on an android. "Perhaps there is an error in the ship's software?" It lightly smiled while extending its right hand towards you. "The CS Zenith is equipped with self-diagnostics and repair, yes? If I may, I would like to run an additional test. Permission to proceed, Lieutenant?"
You blinked, finally breaking yourself away from your thoughts to fall back into professionalism. Standing up and squaring your shoulders, you firmly shook his - its hand. To your ever-growing surprise, it was warm and smooth, yet undeniably solid. Almost like silicone.
"Granted," you replied before stepping to the side. It easily slid into the pilot's chair and instantly brought up the ship's readings. Nothing had changed. You watched in silent fascination while the android worked the dashboard as if it had years of experience under its belt. But your curiosity returned, and you found yourself wondering just how long it took to make something as complex as the ACSEL unit. Its designer obviously modeled it off of human anatomy, not too dissimilar to a store mannequin. The white exterior was a stark contrast to the muted colors of the cockpit. Gray lines decorated its body, allowing seamless, free-range movement that added to the realism. Give it a wig, slap some clothes on it, hide the port at the base of its head and you could definitely see someone mistaking the machine for a human. It even imitated a non-robotic masculine timbre almost perfectly.
The most intriguing thing about it though was the eyes. Glowing, electric blue eyes.
"Lieutenant?"
"Yes?"
"While my system processes the damages, would you like to begin personalization?"
You raised a brow. "What for? I had thought you would be outfitted with knowledge about my basic information once you were activated?"
The android flicked a switch on the dashboard, allowing a port to be exposed before inserting its index finger. In any other situation, it would have been comical, but you surmised that this was a part of the machine's processing. "And you would be correct. However, I am referring to myself. One of my functions is personalization to assist with lessening the emotional and psychological impact that an emergency could have. Once I have established that the current environment is stable enough for such, of course," it explained before pausing. "In short, it is to make you feel more comfortable."
"Right..." you trailed off, idly scratching your cheek.
"The process is completely optional if you are satisfied with my default settings," it added gently. " I do not wish to provide you with unnecessary stress."
Chuckling, you waved him - it off dismissively. "It's not that. I just...never mind. How about starting with what I should address you as?"
It gave you a side glance, lips turned upwards once more. "I respond to my model and serial number, A.C.S.E.L. 749710145-121111117-110-103, but due to its length I can be assigned a temporary moniker of your choosing until I undergo a factory reset."
You were sorely tempted to name it something utterly ridiculous. You could almost feel the disapproval from your superior officer at the mere thought of it.
"If it aids you at all, the engineers had named me Blue during my trial period," it offered.
How innovative.
"Blue works," you said at last, much to the android's delight. Could it even feel such a thing? It certainly seemed so as you watch its smile turn into a wide grin and the blue irises rotated in recognition. Nevertheless, you returned the smile albeit hesitantly. "Status update."
"Ah...my systems have confirmed the Zenith has experienced internal engine failure, significant damage to the transmitter and faulty wiring to the navigation. Causes are inconclusive. Hull integrity and life support are operating at 100% efficiency. The estimated time of repair is between 96 and 125 hours."
You relaxed ever-so-slightly. A week wouldn't make much of an impact on your scheduled three-month journey to Alpha Centauri's space outpost. And with the beacon activated, your chances of getting out of here unscathed are highly in your favor. "Noted. Then proceed as needed. I'm going to check on the cargo," you stated.
"No need, Lieutenant," Blue assured while standing. It approached you before clasping its hands behind its back. "I will take that responsibility while you rest. You have been showing signs of minor sleep deprivation in addition to a decrease in your epinephrine levels."
Perplexed, you crossed your arms, suddenly feeling a wave of self-consciousness. "You can gauge my adrenaline? How?"
Maybe you said that a bit too forcefully because Blue actually flinched, as if surprised at your tone. Never in your life did you think you would feel regret for snapping at a machine. You must really be more exhausted than you thought.
"Not through nefarious means, I promise," he - it faltered. "My optic sensors can detect even the subtlest of movements. I...I noticed your body language gradually became more relaxed and your heart rate slowed. My intention was not to cause you distress, Lieutenant. I apologize."
Jesus Christ, you genuinely felt bad now.
"Uh, don't be. I should be apologizing. Getting snippy with you was highly unprofessional," you murmured wearily. Rubbing your left temple, you glanced up to see him observing you with an open stare. Looking closely, you could see his irises whirling. Processing information, perhaps? "Blue?"
It blinked and smiled as if amused. "Apologizing to a machine is unnecessary. I do not feel offended. Though I suppose the gesture is an indication of your good nature, so I thank you."
"You're...welcome?" That's enough weirdness for one day, you thought to yourself. "I will go take my leave then if you don't need me for anything else."
"Not at all, Lieutenant. Please sleep well."
"You too." Biting your tongue, you inwardly cringed at your automatic response. "I mean-"
Blue laughed, apparently unfazed by your slip up. "I shall, thank you."
As you departed from the cockpit, you rubbed the heel of your palm against your right eye. It was the strangest thing; talking to a machine that seemed so human. The FAAE had an abundance of the latest technology, including interactive AI programs. But Blue was the most advanced piece of work you had ever interacted with. It was almost jarring.
The walk back to your quarters was a short one, as the Zenith was one of the smaller cargo ships. Your room lacked any personal items and only housed the bare necessities such as a bed, closet, a small desk, and bathroom. The lights flickered on and the door hissed shut, leaving you to bask in privacy. Eyelids heavy, you decided to shower in the morning. A casual glance at your holopad showed the time back home: 8:47 A.M.
Make that in the evening.
Zipping down your flight suit, you tossed it on the chair before rummaging your closet for a shirt and sweatpants. "Computer. Set an alarm for 4:00 P.M."
      ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇
The cockpit was relatively silent, save for the gentle hum of the reactor core only Blue could hear. Most of the overhead lights had been dimmed, indicating that the Lieutenant had gone to sleep. The android remained in the chair, perfectly still for 72.8 seconds before closing its eyes.
"ACSEL Unit reporting to Professor Thorne. Do you copy?"
Static feedback permeated its receptors. It felt its nonexistent brow crease in concentration. A few moments passed until it could faintly hear a reply.
"Proceed," was the garbled response.
"Preparing to upload visual and audio recordings as well as acquired data to the server...now." The surge of data left its system almost instantaneously, even from such a distance.
Thorne gave a pleased hum. "Continue your directive and ensure the subject remains incognizant until your arrival. Understood?" they emphasized.
"Yes, Professor."
The connection abruptly ended and Blue rapidly blinked back into focus.
Only the sight of stars and the vastness of space greeted the android. Tilting its head to the side, Blue zoomed in as much as his optics would allow on a particular star. The celestial body remained as but a speck of light to its viewpoints. These rare moments of free agency were captivating, and although it could merely emulate emotion, Blue's receptors always reacted positively. It struggled to understand why the professor always voiced against it. No matter. Such a variable was not programmed within its systems to be of concern. Even so, it remained enamored by the dangerous amalgamations of hydrogen and helium that roamed the universe.
"아름다운..." Blue whispered, unaware that it had spoken at all.
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purplesurveys · 3 years
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1118
Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? Yes. I was born in Manila and even lived there for a short while. But I don’t like going there anymore as I find it too icky, stinky, and depressing. It has come very far from its glamour days in the 50s until the 80s, and not in a good way. If you’re going to make a trip to the Philippines, go to literally anywhere but Manila.
What are your plans for next Thursday? Next Thursday is actually a holiday here, so I’d want to spend that day catching up on rest, ignoring work, and simply staying in.
When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? Last Friday when I went out with Angela and a few other friends. A bar in Katip announced that they were going to permanently close by the end of the month - another pandemic victim - so we went there to have a bit of a good time before they’re gone for good.
What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? My parents and I only lived in Manila for a year. By the time I was 2, we had moved in with extended family in the city I currently live in.
What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc) Mentos has a spearmint flavor that’s my favorite, so I’ll go with spearmint.
What was the last thing to frustrate you? I watched an interview with one of the last living Filipino comfort women who, as a teenager, had been raped by the Japanese during WWII. The Japanese’s way of dealing with their history is very infuriating – AKA they choose not to deal with it at all and act like nothing happened. I also learned that the Filipino government removed a statue we used to have that was meant to be dedicated to our comfort women, because the Japanese threatened to defund some of our projects if we didn’t have it removed. Everything about this is frustrating but most of my hatred is geared toward the Japanese government, both past and present.
What was the first movie you ever went to see in theaters? Stuart Little 2.
Do you do volunteer work, or have you ever done any in the past? I haven’t. I wanted to start volunteering for PAWS after I graduated college, but then Covid happened and so those plans fell through. These days, I help by donating P100 every week to my shelter of choice.
Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? Never been. None of my friends have gotten married yet, and once they have plans to I’m not sure if they’d be the type to throw this kind of party. In fact, I don’t actually know if bachelor/ette parties are a thing here...it’s definitely not a standard Asian tradition, I can tell you that much.
Did any of your family members serve in WWII? My great-grandfather did, though I’m not exactly sure what his rank was. He was also given the Congressional Gold Medal Award for his efforts in 2018. My military-hating ass will always be in conflict because I hate the idea of war and sending people off to participate in it, but I’m also proud of my great-grandpa.
What’s your favorite kind of salad? Spicy freaking tuna salad. I really want to order one today, but I already spent so much on food last week :/
Are you more realistic or idealistic? I am realistic towards myself, but I appreciate people who can be idealistic or keep being the least bit optimistic. I feel like the people I surround myself with is also crucial to the mindset I end up molding.
Do you have a home security system? Yes, his name is Finn. Statistically alarms like him are far more effective than the techy kind ;) < Ahahaha, same. Cooper’s very handy. Kimi’s going blind so he only barks when he hears Cooper start to bark, I guess as kind of a moral support hahaha.
Have you ever been to Ohio? Nope, and I’ve never been to that country at all.
Are you currently borrowing something from someone? I have Andi’s vape pen. I’m thinking of just buying it from him, to be honest, because I see myself using it for the long-term. I also still have several of Athenna’s books that she had lent me all the way back in high school, but I never got to return because she distanced herself from me and Angela.
Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? I don’t think so. I’ve lent books before but they’ve since returned them.
What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Spanish and Portuguese.
When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? September. They were kitty heels meant for the first job interview I ever scored.
Is your car paid off, or do you make payments? I think it’s paid off. I’ve never heard my parents talk about having to make payments for it.
Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where?
China: People will stare and point at you while clearly talking about you with their peers. It was incredibly unsettling at first, but in the end I just powered through and ignored it no matter how irritating it felt.
South Korea: Apparently you can’t take photos in public?? I was trying to take a photo of this silly mannequin, but the stall owner shooed me away. This was my own fault, though, and I should’ve done more research before I pulled my phone out.
Japan: Bus drivers turn the bus’s engine off when at a stoplight. That was a pleasant surprise. And of course, the people there are incredibly nice. At one point we asked this couple how to get to a certain museum, and in no time we were surrounded by a literal large crowd who just wanted to help me and my parents.
Indonesia: The dizzying amount of motorcycles on the road.
Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? Yes. Even though we live close to the city, I’m glad we get a lot of stars.
Do you include your middle initial in your signature? No. My signature is the first letter of my name + the last letter of my surname in a very lazy scrawl.
What brand of computer do you have? Apple.
What operating system does that computer run? Mac OS and I am too lazy to check which particular one.
Have you ever had gumbo? I don’t think so. Looks appetizing though.
What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? Some dresses and pants from like the 6th and 7th grade that can still be appropriate for some occasions, but I keep them at the very back/bottom of my closet because I rarely have to pull them out.
Do you have a passport? Yes.
How many miles are on your car? Mid-30,000s.
Have you ever been to an estate sale? Nope.
How many relationships have you been in? I’ve been with one person, though we dated twice
Have you ever had Greek yogurt? I don’t think so? I’ve only tried yogurt once, not sure if it had been Greek yogurt, but anyway I absolutely hated it and have refused to consume yogurt since.
Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? I live in the flatter part of the city, but we have a mountainous part as well of which we have a view from here.
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aftermathdb · 4 years
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DEATH BATTLE Review: Genos vs. War Machine
So I only recently remembered that my other preferred opponent for War Machine was Steel from DC, and that I still wanted Genos to fight Cyborg.
So throughout the episode proper, Wiz pronounces Genos as “Jen-Os” while Boomstick says “Gene-Os.”
Genos’ Preview.
So to start off, Genos was an ordinary kid until his family was killed by a rampaging robot cyborg. However, he found a scientist who rebuilt him into a cyborg as well, allowing Genos to fight back and take his revenge.
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However, Genos would soon meet Saitama, and train under him to learn more after nearly dying to a mosquito lady that Boomstick openly expresses is very attractive.
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Regardless, the two became friends, and Genos was very popular due to his appearance and attitude.
But in order to fight giant monsters and evil dudes, Genos would need a lot of weapons.
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Some of his weapons, like his adhesive from the heels, were built-in as a response to other threats.
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Genos is also equipped with special sensors in his eyes that let him track heat and image signatures.
He has a wide assortment of weapons, like detachable body parts, missiles, and incinerator cannnons.
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And when he wants to get really serious, he blasts foes with two of them at once.
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Unib- I mean, uh, Spiral Incineration Cannon!
He’s got a stronger one that I unfortunately didn’t get a screenshot for, but yeah. It’s strong.
All of this leads into a Wiz and Boomstick segment where they finally fixed Boomstick’s smile.
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Adding on, Genos once used his incinerator cannons on a mountain, which resulted in a blast worth over 66 kilotons of TNT.
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He’s even managed to tag and track a massive meteor, which means that he can move 200 times faster than sound.
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And remember the mosquito lady?- Her swarm of mosquitoes once covered Genos completely.  While that may not sound intimidating, he was swarmed by nearly 65 Trillion of those things. Which equates to 358178 tons of mosquitoes. I doubt that there’s a masochist that would still want to get it on with the bug-lady if those are her party-mates.
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But regardless of his weakness of his power core being the one thing that fuels everything, Genos has shown time and time again that he can compete with the best.
And Boomstick provides a nice little heartwarming moment that while Genos hasn’t found his family’s killer yet, he’s found a new family with Saitama and friends. And that he’ll keep getting stronger.
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Y’know, I forgot how much of an edgelord he could be before he met Saitama.
War Machine′s Preview.
So right off the bat, we go into a brief backstory about Colonel James Rupert Rhodes and how he wanted to be in the military annd wound up helping out Iron Man, so Iron Man helped him back.
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Eventually, Tony offered Rhodes a suit of his own and Rhodes became War Machine.
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Worth noting: Boomstick absolutely gushes about the amount of weapons Rhodes has on deck. It’s kinda nice to see him going back to his “Lover of weapons” persona rather than his “pervvy redneck” one.
Anyways, Rhodes has a massive amount of weapons, including a powerful beam that he can fire from his chest. Spiral Incin- I mean, Unibeam!
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And all this talk about weapons leads into our next Wiz and Boomstick segment.
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Real men wear pink… Except for Dan. Dan just sucks.
Regardless, the hosts go over how Rhodes has gotten multiple suits, each stronger than the last.
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The latest one comes equipped with camo and Ghost tech, allowing Rhodes to turn invisible and intangible. Making him immune to most attacks.
And should the suit ever be in danger of falling into the wrong hands, Rhodes can detonate it. I guess that’s a thing this episode since Genos can do the same thing.
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Also worth noting is that since Tony isn’t one for half-measures, Rhodey’s suit is just as strong as the Iron Man suit, just not as maneuverable what with all the weapons. This means that it can scale to Tony’s suits in terms of strength. What does this mean?
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It means that he can survive massive blows.
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This one in particular was worth over 2.5 Megatons of TNT.
And despite the lack of maneuverability, the suit is still fast. In a short ammount of time, Rhodes managed to get into orbit. This means that he was moving at over mach 600.
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Rhodey’s PTSD can make it hard for him to keep his head on straight in a fight, but when it comes down to protecting the people, his friends, the planet, or even just punching some dictator in the face, he’s always going to power through.
Also, remember how in Iron Man vs. Lex Luthor, Iron Man’s end quote was just him showing off his weapon?
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Same verse as the first it seems.
The Battle Itself.
RT 2D Animation team on deck for this animated fight (directed by Jordan Battle), Genos will be voiced by Howard Wang and War Machine will be voiced by Mark Allen Jr. Therewolf made K.O Computer , and audio by Chris Kokkinos.
So, Rhodes is basically taking a nice flight when an explosion interrupts him and makes him spill some of his coffee. Credit where it’s due, he takes it more in stride than when Leonardo lost his food.
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So, after confronting Genos, the Demon Cyborg determines that War Machine is another cyborg. Lack of credit where it’s due: He jumps to conclusions just as fast as Jason did.
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So, right off the bat, it’s fairly clear that Rhodes has some advantage in at least one area. As he was just able to catch Genos’ punch with ease. It’s either in strength or defense.
More likely to be defense because Genos’ Incinerator cannons don’t really do much against the War Machine.
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So we get a really nice fist clash, and with Rhodes keeping up, he may either match speed or surpass it.
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He certainly takes tech. He was able to find some flaws in his opponent that Genos simply can’t counter.
But credit where it’s due: Genos doesn’t go down easy.
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We cycle back into another punch clash right before the fight is brought back down to the ground.
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Rhodes turns on his invisibility and Genos, well…
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He can’t find him. Genos believes that he went home, but then he makes the mistake of insulting the tech, which ticks off Rhodey.
So Genos retaliates by rendering the invisibility useless with his adhesive making Rhodes visible enough to hit, which Genos follows up with…
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Rhodes  counters…
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God I love Beam Struggles. Genos kinda wins this one and gets a bit overconfident. But…
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Rhodes was still standing.
Anyways, Genos starts spamming an attack.
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Like… You know that one scene in the Days of Future Past HISHE where Mystique just tries to shoot Trask but it doesn’t work? Yeah, this is pretty much like that.
So Rhodes escapes the glue trap and starts his attack.
Finishing Blow in
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
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Verdict + Explanation.
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Okay, so right off the bat, Rhodes was just a better Genos.
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Experience was obvious. Rhodes has seen way more than what Genos has, and that’s before putting on the suit.
Genos knocking around the Elder Centipede is impressive, as it clocks in at about 725 meters, and the amount of force to knock it around would be over 15 Megatons of TNT
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But Rhodes has taken on far stronger and dealt way more damage.
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Tony-Designed suits can bust up mountains, and those feats are worth over 280 Terratons of TNT. And yeah, they made a typo here. Better start asking questions or telling them to fix this. Pretty sure that it doesn’t matter in the long run, but still.
Rhodes was also way faster.
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And even if Genos could get in a hit, he’s got no counters for the massive amounts of tech that Rhodey has at his disposal, like energy draining tech or “Ghost Chameleon” mode as Boomstick put it.
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Overall impression.
So the previews go by pretty fast, essentially glossing over backstory and personality, and focusing on each character’s stats feats, and arsenal. Which, while I’m not against, kinda makes this episode feel really fast-paced with little room to breathe between each stat. This, while being an interesting way to show the character off, makes it really hard to keep up with what each character can do and what they have at their disposal. In comparison to the previous episode, where they do have room to breathe between each stat, these characters seem as if they are only analyzing their stats and nothing else.
It just seems as if this was written in a rush is all. Trying to get as much information out as possible, and that rush job is pretty apparent when you see those typos.
Not to mention that the animation felt a bit repetitive in certain parts. Like the punch clashes. I like those and all, but there’s a reason why the Jotaro vs. Kenshiro one is a better one. It’s because the punches actually clash. Heck! Even the Venom vs. Bane punch clash was better.
Also, it seems odd that they chose this battle to be a hand-drawn one. I’m pretty sure that there are plenty of fan-made Genos sprites or even official ones too. Not that it isn’t spectacular or anything, I’m just kinda curious.
Also: I was looking around in the comments section, and there are a lot of comments about audio. Maybe it’s because my mother could surpass Sindel’s loudest scream when watching Basketball, but I didn’t notice anything. Maybe you did.
7.5/10. Great fight, just a weird one…
Next Time…
Y’know, maybe I should start watching one of these.
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I mean, I wasn’t interested at all in Yu Yu Hakusho until Hiei made his debut, and now I’m pushing for Krillin vs. Kuwabara (People who think that Krillin vs. Saitama is a good fight should honestly just admit that they want a baldy battle and be done with it).
Is there a fight that you want me to review? - Send an ask/request, and I’ll look into it!
Do you want to read my fanfic based around DEATH BATTLE itself? click here!
Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you next time for…
From what I understand, a missed opportunity for Icy vs. Elsa.
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zerohour1974 · 4 years
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The Grumpy Git Returns 2
Why is the Tech world so fundamentally broken?
Hello readers I’m back after a major hiatus.  What on earth is going on in the world of technology.  It’s all going to hell.
You might think what the hell am I on about.  It seems things in the industry are completely broken and for all the complaints out there no one seems to do anything about it.
Here are just a few examples...
1) Apple releases Mac Pro with a basic price tag of £5000
What on earth, I would understand such a price point if this was an amazing all singing all dancing machine, but its not.  The basic system is an i5 system.  Seriously then everything else can be upgraded by Apple or exclusive dealers or it invalidates your warranty and the machine locks you out using the T2 security chip.
Now Apple have been on shaky ground regarding tech for a number of years which problems such as lowering sales of iPhones because by the time they release them they have already been superseded by the competition.
Apple used to be seen as the innovative company of the world, the kings of aesthetic and cool.  Now even the hipsters of the world are thinking Apple products are too expensive and not really giving much to the world.
It doesn’t help that every MacOS version is now more like iOS and they are locking you further and further into the Apple Garden.  What i mean by that is blocking anything that is not in the Apple Play Store, not supporting hardware (Nvidia graphics cards, Wi-Fi etc.) and now preventing upgrades.  Which is alienating their customers...
No one is going to buy the Mac Pro one because the price is ludicrous.  Two everyone is speculating Apple is going to change to using ARM processors so the whole system is probably about to change.   People got bitten with PPC, only for Apple to switch to Intel and abandon PPC.  So they will not get away with it twice.
Apple admit too being a $1 trillion company but how long will it last considering you are further and further alienating your own customers.    Now don’t get me wrong there will always be a hardcore group of loyal Apple consumers, but you have to wonder is it enough to keep Apple where it stands.
Personally given their listed losses it looks like the bubble is starting to burst.  But equally getting back to the point who seriously believed a £5000 desktop would be seen and thought wow that’s a good idea.  The mind boggles.
A lot of people are now building Hackintosh machines because one its cheaper to do so and two for less money you probably get more power than the Mac Pro.  Crazy.
2) Software companies putting out totally broken games as full releases at full price.
This one is pretty obvious I can site many examples her but of course probably the biggest known was of course Bethesda’s Fallout 76.  Now I’m not going to reiterate its story there has been plenty of coverage about it on YouTube.
Now before anyone starts yes I accept there is Early Access programs on Steam and the likes but they at least admit up front that the item you are purchasing is not the final game and may be subject to change.
However we are seeing more and more companies putting out games that require huge day one updates of several gigabytes.  DLC breaking game elements in major ways and live services either not working or not being able to cope with the loads.
Now I admit I am not a programmer and maybe someone who is in the game will be able to shed a better light, but it seems these major corporations such as EA, Ubisoft, Activision Blizzard and more are making millions off the backs of programmers who are expected to deliver higher and higher standard stuff in less and less time.
These guys are being forced into working extraneous “crunch” hours being put under immense stress and not really seeing much in the way of benefits.  They seem to take a lot of abuse if the programmer refuses.
2019 showed many cases of ex-employees reporting abuse.  Now I know some could be put down to sour grapes but there is a lot to be said about there is no smoke without fire.
It seems many programmers are complaining about their immense pressure to perform.  As I said I’m not a programmer so I can’t really say I know.  They seem to have no representation in their corner to help them such a union and because a lot of them are freelance many corporations see them as disposable.
This to me is ludicrous.  Without these programmers most of these corporations would not have a product to sell and equally wouldn’t exist.  So why treat them like dirt, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Also for all things like Fallout 76 proved for all they released a half arsed game and took controversy.  Not once has someone said that this practice is unacceptable.
If you bought a Television and when you turned it on it showed BBC1 and BBC2 only and the rest was coming later in a software patch update.  You would complain vehemently and take back the television for your money back.
So why can software companies get away with releasing a half finished product.... Which moves us on to...
3) New Linux phones been released unfinished
Linux phones are the latest and “greatest” thing since sliced bread if you believed the hype.  Security conscious phones that don’t report everything about you, kill switches to disable base bands so you can’t be monitored at all times and of course its Linux based so the operating system is free.
All sounds good and hence why Purism Librem 5 and the Pine phone both have had a major interest shown in them.
Given all the concerns raised recently regarding Google and how it uses its data and problems such as the many data leaks of various sites.  Privacy regarding your data is being raised.
Ironically Microsoft who have admitted they are having Windows 10 report back data are not in these investigations.  But hey ho.
However its not the fact its Linux that’s a problem for me.  I like Linux but what i don’t get is this new concept of the phone is taking longer than we thought and people are worried.  SO what we will do is supply you your phone but most of the software doesn’t work but in the next few months we will implement various features to get it working.
They even give them titles such as the Pine Phone Braveheart Edition or the Librem 5 Spring.  Basically a broken p[hone which you have paid money for hoping that eventually it may work.
Once again these phones are hardly cutting edge so even if they do get it working.  Half of the tech is at least a generation back.
Now I understand creating a phone and its OS from scratch is hard work     and such processed take time.  However giving you a shell of a phone and leaving you to wait for the rest is a bit much.
This is similar to the TV but in this case because Linux is open source.  Your TV now only has two channels and they want you to write the next bit of the code to sort the programs out.  They say it’s a learning experience.
I’m waiting for someone to build a house and then if you want any windows, heating or electric you have to have to either build it yourself or wait for an upgrade.  Madness.
4) Live services...
When I started in computing my first machine was a ZX Spectrum 48K it wasn’t amazing but it was a computer.  You bought games, you could program it and it was yours to do with as you pleased.
Modern day systems both in the computing world and console world you are signed into agreements that no matter what the machine is.  The code involved is the property of X company and although you physically own the machine you can not amend it, alter it,  complain about it or they can withdraw your rights to said systems and lock you out.
What? I own a machine but if I do anything beyond your limitations you will sue me.  How did this become a thing.
It was bad enough with Intellectual Copyright bullshit but this is getting ludicrous.
They have since took it one step further in games now several of them will not allow you to play them unless permanently connected to their servers or pay an ongoing subscription fee.
Which equally they can close at a moments notice because they decide they don’t like it and you have no recompense.  How many games have we heard have been just abandoned by their publishers.
Especially in the MMORPG genre.  Games are no longer purchased like tapes with physical medium as now most are download codes in physical cases.  If you actually get a physical DVD you are lucky.
However it doesn’t mean squat if you buy the game and the servers no longer exist.  Several games have managed to allow people to have their own private servers but many of them don’t exist.
How is this allowed to exist.  How are the computer industry allowed to sell products which have no guarantee.  Also why is no one questioning this...
If Valve decide enough was enough, they were sick of being blamed for the controversial games been stuck on its site by asset flippers etc., and decided to close down the service.
Sure they would have to give people notice but beyond that they have no obligation to make sure you have access to the games you bought.  This to me seems a dodgy game.
And with more services such as the Epic Games Store, UPlay, Origin,  and Google Stadia this is only going to get worse.
We need some form of legislation to prevent this from happening.  We are losing more and more data everyday on the internet due to leaks, server closures and companies just going out of business.  Very little of this software and data is being archived so is lost.
This is a problem.  Now I understand people saying it’s my game. But equally you have been paid for said game and now they are saying we cant use it or access it.
Something is fundamentally wrong here.
I could go on with further points such as large corporations closing Software Studios making games and complaining they sold 7 million copies and didn’t sell 10 million copies. Major tech companies refusing to pay taxes but want tax breaks from major governments but that can be the topic for another day.
As I said the tech world is fundamentally broken and needs a shake up.  Why are we paying the price for their inability to sort out their problems.
Until next time ...
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buckychristwrites · 6 years
Text
A Loaded Gun | OS | b.b.
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Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Summary: Bucky was known for building walls around his heart, so he had no idea how he could possibly let the new member of the team break them down so easily.
Word Count: 5.1k
Warnings: So fluffy you almost wouldn’t believe it’ll last, one scene is a little nsfw but there’s no real smut
A/N: Hello! This is my entry for @softhairbarnes 750 Followers Writing Challenge! Thank you so much for letting me participate! My prompt was the Trust trope. I hope you enjoy :)
Masterlist | Tags List Form
“Why don’t you trust me?”
Bucky didn’t even bother to look up at the quiet voice that came from across the room, just continued to read his book. It wasn’t only because he didn’t really care for the source of the voice. It was also because, if he really had to admit it, he didn’t have a proper answer. Not that he’d ever say that out loud.
The book was ripped from his hands, and he looked up in time to see you toss it across the room. Though he was angered, he was also shocked. You were, after all, the newest member of the team. So naturally, that made you quiet and in no rush to piss anyone off. But clearly that feeling had been thrown out the window this day when you were actively confronting probably one of the scariest members of the crew. Bucky set his hands in his lap as he stared at your intense glare.
“What makes you think I don’t trust you?” He asked, although even he knew how ridiculous it sounded to ask. His efforts to hide his distaste for you were nonexistent. Your scoff was met with a smile as you looked at the wall for a few seconds before turning back to him.
“You changed the whole plan today, mid mission mind you, so that I couldn’t do my part,” You shifted your weight to your other leg as you crossed your arms. “You’re the only one who keeps sidelining me and I’m fucking tired of it, Bucky. It’s been six months since I joined the team. It’s time you start treating me like someone who knows what they’re doing.” His gaze fell away from you, looking around at everything except you. Was that flower painting always there? The vase Pepper set on the mantle really set the tone of the room. Had it been this freezing the whole time he had been sitting there? When he realized you weren’t going to go away without an answer, he sighed.
“I don’t think you’re ready,” He grumbled as his arms wrapped around his chest. Out of the corner of his eye, you were shaking your head.
“That’s, thankfully, not for you to decide,” You snapped. He was so taken aback by your forceful tone that he felt himself slightly sink back into his chair. You continued without noticing. “You’re putting us all in danger when you fuck with mission plans just because you don’t trust me. I didn’t ask for us to be paired up as much as we are. If you have a problem, take it up with Stark or Rogers. Otherwise, you’re gonna need to learn to fucking deal with it.” You paused to huff. “You don’t have to like me, or be my best friend. We’re just working. This is our job. Act professional for fucks sake.”
When he finally returned your gaze, somehow the fire in your eyes made his entire body go cold. But when he looked a bit closer, he could see the distraught in them as well. And then all he felt was guilty. Steve had always talked up how great you were, and Bucky had seen for himself how hard you trained. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in you. It was just easier for him to do things himself than put his life in your hands.
“Okay, fine,” He sighed. “I’m sorry.” When you didn’t look satisfied, he went on. “I’ll try not to doubt you anymore.” You nodded, but he could tell it was a reluctant one.
“Thank you,” You said quietly, turning on your heels to leave.
“I never said I don’t like you,” He called to your receding back. You froze, and after a moment you turned towards him.
“Maybe stop acting like it then? Haven’t you ever heard that actions speak louder than words?” You asked him. “I’m sure you have since you’re a thousand years old.” The corners of your mouth twitched upwards as you whipped around and left the room, leaving Bucky to his mixture of shock and amusement.
Maybe you weren’t so bad after all.
________
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Yes, Bucky.”
“Because you know we only have-”
“TRUST, Bucky.”
Knuckles white against his tight grip on his machine gun, Bucky glanced hurriedly around the room before turning back to you. Your fingers danced across the keyboard as your eyes never left the screen a few inches from your face, the light leaving a bright glow across your cheeks. The timer now read two minutes and counting, and Bucky was starting to get restless.
“We don’t have much time,” He insisted, taking a few steps closer to you. The screen was changing at such a fast pace that he couldn’t keep up with it even if he tried. He knew he shouldn’t have been badgering you, but the anxiety he felt was seeping out of him and filling the room, and he just couldn’t help it. The team was there to stop the missiles from destroying major cities across the world and all you were doing was staring at a screen.
“Yes, I know we don’t have much time,” You said, it clear you were growing more and more annoyed at his persistence. He heard voices outside the door, instinctively grabbing you and yanking you towards the floor. Yelping at the interruption, you yanked yourself out of his grip and went back to the computer, now working while on your knees.
“What exactly is it you’re doing?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I’m making it so when the timer hits zero, the missiles will just detonate instead of taking off and destroy the facility,” You explained quickly. Bucky felt all the heat leak out of his body.
“But we’re still here,” He hissed. “And so is the rest of the team. It’s going to take us too if you don’t finish in time.” You shrugged without looking up at him.
“I guess you better hope I finish in time, then,” You said simply before putting your hand to the com in your ear. “Everyone needs to vacate the building right now. I repeat, everyone needs to vacate to vacate the building right now.” There was a murmur of confusion coming in through the coms.
“Since when do you have permission to give orders?” Stark’s strained voice echoed through the coms. Even Bucky was surprised at your overconfidence. You didn’t miss a beat with your response.
“Since I’m less than a minute away from blowing this place up whether you’re still inside or not,” You informed him. There was a few second pause.
“Alright, everyone out!” Steve commanded. Bucky looked at the timer. Forty five seconds.
“How close are you to being done?” He asked in a shaky voice. You bit your lip as you continued.
“Almost….done!” You jumped away from the computer and ran towards the door. “Let’s go!” Bucky followed without hesitation. Grabbing the handle, you pulled as hard as you could just as the alarms began wailing up and down the hallways. “Fuck. They locked all the doors.” Almost in sync, the two of you looked at the timer. Twenty five seconds. Bucky frantically looked around the room, his eyes falling on the window. Without a word, he grabbed you and charged towards it, shielding your body with his own as the two of you shattered through the glass and flew through the air. Your bodies crashed landed onto the ground, you groaning as Bucky stood and tugged you back to your feet.
“We have to keep moving,” He said weakly as he pulled you into a run. Bucky’s eyes had fallen on Steve, who was a few hundred feet away, when the building behind him exploded. The reverberation from the explosion caused the two of you to fall back to the ground, this time landing in green grass. When Bucky looked over, he watched the mushroom cloud of smoke and fire rise to the sky, debris raining down onto the ground.
A cough next to him made him turn his head, finding you slowly rolling over onto your stomach, pain etched on your face. When you returned his gave, you smiled weakly at him.
“See? I wasn’t going to let us get blown up in there,” You said in soft yet playful voice. Laughing, Bucky reached out and gently shoved your shoulder. He looked up in time to see Steve and Tony approach.
“You guys okay?” Steve asked. You pushed yourself off the ground and sat on your knees and Bucky, using your shoulder as support, steadily sat up.
“We’re good,” He said in a gravelly voice. Looking at you for affirmation, you have him a solid nod and he looked back up at Steve and Tony. “Yeah, we’re good.” Smiling lopsidedly down at him, Steve pulled Bucky to his feet as Tony gently helped you to yours. From the pained expression on your face, it was clear you weren’t as okay as you had claimed.
“We’ll get that fixed up at the compound,” Tony said as he put your arm around his shoulders to support you. “You did good today, kid.” From your other side, Bucky grabbed your other arm and threw it over his shoulders, wrapping his arm around your back.
“Thanks for everything,” He mumbled into your ear as him and Tony guided you back to the jet. You shrugged before smiling at him.
“What are teammates for?”
____________
“Fuck.”
It was a quiet whisper, but Bucky always had good hearing. He had just been walking down the hallway towards the bathroom when he heard it come from the kitchen. Peeking around the corner, he found you at the stove. Eyes squeezed shut, you were bringing the ladle away from your mouth with a disdained look on your face.
“You okay?” He asked before he could stop himself. Jumping slightly, you whipped your head to look at him. Once your gaze met his, you relaxed.
“I’m trying to cook myself dinner and I’m trying a new pasta recipe, but it’s missing something,” You explained. “I just can’t figure out what.”
Slowly, Bucky approached you, his hip bumping into yours as he filled the empty space next to you at the stove. He took the ladle from your hand and took a small spoonful from the pot, bringing it to his mouth to try for himself. He let out a hum as the sauce hit his taste buds. It had been a while since he’d had anything homemade, and he didn’t understand why you were questioning it. To him, it was perfect.
“Maybe add garlic?” He suggested as he held the handle out to you. Your eyebrows furrowed together as you took the ladle from his hands and tasted it again. Without a word, you nodded before heading to the spice wrack and grabbing the garlic seasoning as well as the onion salt for good measure. Carefully, you sprinkled some of both into the pot before stirring and offering Bucky another try. His acceptance of the offering was quicker than he intended as he shoved the spoon in his mouth. The slight moan that left his mouth made you laugh.
“So it’s good?” You asked him. He nodded rapidly as he put the ladle back into the pot.
“Perfect,” He told you. The way your face beamed at his compliment made his heart skip, but he shook it off. As you began to head towards the cabinet, he turned to leave.
“Do you want a bowl?” He turned back in surprise as you waited for his response. “It’s only fair since you were my test dummy. Which I greatly appreciate.” Your smile grew sheepish. “Also I just haven’t learned how to make pasta for just one person.” His laugh was loud and hearty.
“Sure,” He said, rounding the kitchen island and taking a seat on one of the stools as you pulled two bowls out of the cupboard. Your serving size was generous as you slid the food to Bucky before making your own bowl, but he knew he’d eat it.
“How’s the foot?” He asked, nodding at you. You looked down, lifting up your boot clad leg for him to see. It was a monstrous thing, that went more than halfway up your shin and looked incredibly heavy.
“I have to swing my leg out when I walk and it’s a huge pain in the ass on stairs,” You told him. “But my foot doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Only three more weeks of wearing it.” As you dished your bowl, he stared down into his own.
“I’m sorry for that,” He said, seeing you look up at him through his peripheral. “I should’ve been more careful.” When he looked back up, he found you shaking your head, a firm look having taken over your face.
“We’re alive because of you,” You said. “If I had to choose between breaking my ankle and dying in an explosion, the boot doesn’t seem that bad.” Stepping out from in front of the stove, you leaned on the island counter towards him. “I should be thanking you for what you did.” He looked away again, trying to ignore the burning in his cheeks.
“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you before,” He said, changing the subject. Taking a bite of the food you gave him, he shuffled in his seat before looking back up at you. “You have my complete trust now.” You smiled, it filled with mischief.
“Good,” You said, stuffing a forkful of pasta into your mouth. “I had to win your trust before I could feed you the poison I put in your bowl.” He laughed loudly for a solid thirty seconds before shoveling some more into his mouth.
“It’s so good, that’s a risk I’m willing to take,” He said, and had to look away to hide his bashful smile when you beamed at him once more.
____________
The door creaked slightly as Bucky pushed it open. Something in him made him stop, his eyes looking down at the floor as the war in his mind went on. Maybe you didn’t want to see him. It was, after all, his fault that you were in here. If you wanted to see him, you would’ve texted him or told Steve. But despite the updates he had received, he wanted to see you for himself. But now he was frozen at the door.
“You can come in, Bucky,” Your weak voice called out, startling him. He hesitated for a few more seconds before finally crossing the threshold into the room, closing the door behind him before finally turning to face you.
Thankfully, you weren’t in the same state as you were the first time he saw you. The wires and tubing were gone, and now you were only connected to an IV. Even still, you looked slightly ghostly, and your cheeks were hollow. You smiled at him as he crossed the room, taking a seat in a chair next to your bed. He assumed the other members of the team had taken turns watching over you in this chair when you were at your worst.
“It’s been a while,” You said casually. “How’ve you been?” He huffed before shaking his head.
“You’re lying in a hospital bed and asking if I’m okay,” He stated in a monotone voice. “I’m great. Just fucking dandy. Now how are you feeling?” Your head fell so it was laying on your shoulder.
“A lot better,” You told him. “But anyway, what’s wrong?” Bucky rolled his eyes at your persistence. Raising his hand, he motioned up and down at you.
“This is my fault,” He snapped. “How am I supposed to be okay?” Your eyebrows furrowed together as you stared at him.
“Bucky, I’ve been injured on missions before,” You said plainly.
“That was a broken ankle, this…” He paused. swallowing hard. “This was different. And I should’ve been more vigilant.” You stared at him in complete confusion.
“How is this your fault?” You asked him. “This happens. It’s part of the job. It’s not like I did.” He flinched, looking away.
“You almost did,” He choked, cursing himself for the display of emotion. When tears stung his eyes, he found himself wishing that he didn’t come at all. When his eyes jumped back to you, he found your own to be narrowed. Your face scrunched up as you pushed yourself upright, but you waved off his attempt to help you.
“But I didn’t die, did I?” You asked rhetorically. “And even if I had, it still wouldn’t be on you.” He opened his mouth to argue, but you shook your head. “With every mission, there’s a risk and we’re aware of it every time we leave the compound. That’s just what comes with the job.” You extended your hand to him, waving your fingers expectantly. He was hesitant, but eventually he put his hand in yours. Warmth flooded through his arm into his body at the contact, his hand feeling like it was on fire. His breath was shaky as he stared at you, soaking in the small smile you were giving him. “I trust you with my life, Bucky.”
Your words were a runaway train and he was frozen on the tracks. The impact seemed to throw his mind into a supernova. He had felt it over the last eight months since you had joined the team, and he did his absolute best to pretend it wasn’t happening. At first, it was easy. He just had to avoid you. But now here he was, falling deeper and deeper into the never ending abyss that were your eyes. And it was something he could no longer ignore. Gently, he moved his hand to entwine your fingers and pretended not to notice you biting your lip. His thumb stroked your outer hand as he looked up at you.
“And I trust you with mine.”
_____________
“Do you trust me?”
He breathed it against your mouth, as he ran his hands up and down the fabric covering your spine. Your head was against the cabinet as your fingertips trailed his chest to his lower abdomen, and then back up again. Rather than respond, you brought your lips back to his.
If someone asked Bucky how this had happened, he wouldn’t be able to tell them. One minute, the two of you were simply preparing dinner together, him washing the vegetables for a salad as you pulled ingredients for the pantry, and the next he had you sitting on the counter with his hands on your thighs and your fingers tangled in his hair. It was so sudden that neither of you had the time to overthink it.
Lowering his hands, he pulled you closer so you were pressed against him. Almost as if it was a subconscious move, you wrapped your legs around his waist, locking him there. Not that he’d ever want to move. His fingers began to play with the hem of your shirt, as you traced the lining of his pants with yours. His shirt had been abandoned long ago, and he couldn’t recall which one of you had removed it.
He moaned your name quietly into your mouth, making you whimper in response. Pulling away from you, his face and your own were only inches apart as he brought his hands to your cheeks, stroking your soft skin.
“Do you trust me?” He repeated. You nodded feverishly, launching yourself forward and catching his mouth with your own. Through the kiss, his hands left your face and went down to the elastic band of your your shorts, jerking them down around your knees. You squealed at the motion as you dropped your legs down and let your briefs and underwear slide down until they hit your feet, wiggling your feet enough for them to fall to the floor. He pulled away from you again as you reached for his pants, but he grabbed your wrists before they could grasp them.
“I couldn’t hear you, doll,” He said in a low voice, almost a growl. You forehead fell against his, your breaths quick and hot against his face. There was something intoxicating about the way you were looking at him, the mix of fire and desperation in your eyes. His grip on your wrists released as he brought his hands to your hips.
“Yes, Bucky,” You breathed out, your hands on his waistband and slowly pushing his pants downward without breaking his gaze. “I trust you more than anything.”
___________
“Say it again.”
Bucky ignored you as he squeezed his eyes shut. Of course he wasn’t going to say it again. He didn’t mean to say it in the first place. But even though he couldn’t see it, he could feel your stare burning holes through him. And he knew there was no escaping this. Naturally, when his eyes flew back open, you were indeed staring at him.
It wasn’t supposed to come out, the thought had just run through his mind. A thousand times it had crossed his thoughts but never once did he allow it to pass his lips. Until now, when the two of you had been in the middle of a surveillance mission and you had laughed at something he said. And he just couldn’t help himself. Not another word was said the rest of the time, and he had mentally kicked himself for the last four hours. But the second the two of you had returned to the compound, you spoke.
“Say it again,” You repeated relentlessly.
“I- no,” Was all he said in reply. Your eyebrows furrowed together as you crossed your arms.
“No? You can’t just say no,” You insisted. Shaking his head, Bucky turned and began to walk away. He had almost reached the hallway when he was yanked backward by his jacket.
“You can’t drop bombs and then walk away,” You snapped at him as you walked in his path, effectively blocking it. He looked around the room at everything except for you. In the year since you had become a member of the team, somehow over time you had become something more to Bucky. And he wasn’t ready to make things weird.
“Just forget it,” He said, scratching his neck. “I didn’t mean to say it. I didn’t mean it.” He went to turn away again, but you grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
“Don’t lie to me,” You said. “We’re supposed to be honest with each other.”
It was then that he looked at you, really looked at you. He didn’t notice it before, but your eyes were filled with fear. And then he understood. You were just as scared as he was. It was written in the way your lip trembled and your tight grasp on his forearm. He stared at you, before standing up straighter and taking a step forward.
“I love you.”
He didn’t blurt it out this time, it wasn’t rash or hasty. He said it with meaning, with every ounce that he had been holding back all these months. You inhaled a staggered breath before smiling at him.
“I love you too, Bucky,” You told him. “More than anything.” As he pulled you towards him, wrapping his arm around the small of your back and leaning down to kiss you, he pretended not to notice the fear had never left your eyes.
___________________
“This way.”
Hand in hand, you tugged Bucky down a hallway hurriedly, not for a second letting him slow down. The hallways to the HYDRA facility were long and narrow, with dim lighting and little windows. It was just as scary as Bucky remembered. And the sound of boots bounding across the floor behind the two of you didn’t help. Bucky wanted to fight, but you reminded him that there were dozens of them and only two of you. The other Avengers were in other parts of the facility, so you and him were doing this alone.
Bucky’s foot skidded and he dropped his gun, but when he turned to grab it, you pulled him forward.
“There’s no time, we’ll find you something else,” You insisted as you rounded another corner, dragging him close behind. As he kept running behind you, he thought of how Natasha was going to kill him for losing the gun she let him use.
Trying each door, you threw him into the first one that wasn’t locked and quietly shut the door behind you. Bucky took a look around in awe. It was a lab the two of you had stumbled into, with machinery to the nines that he would kill to understand. His favorite thing to do when he wasn’t with you or working was watching Stark and Banner work. They were always so happy to explain to him what they were doing, and he ate up every bit of knowledge they shared with him.
“When we get home, we should watch a movie,” He said as he ran his fingers across the tables, examining the equipment to see if he recognized anything. “We could order pizza or something.” He didn’t notice that a few moments had passed before you replied.
“We’re not leaving, Bucky.”
His eyebrows furrowed together as he stopped walking.
“What do you-” He froze once he turned around, to find you facing him with a gun pointed at his head. A rush of cold filled the room as he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Your lips were pressed in a firm line, your hand steady as you turned off the safety.
“I’m sorry,” You told him. “But we can’t leave.”
The only movement he could muster was to shake his head, the rest of his body was too numb to move. And his head was too filled with confusion to produce coherent words.
“What are you doing?” He finally blurted out, taking a step forward. He went to take another, but you extended the gun out further, your finger tightening around the trigger, and he froze once more. It was then he realized it wasn’t a lethal gun. It was one of HYDRA’s specialty tranquilizer guns. His throat ran dry.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” You told him, your voice slightly shaky. “I didn’t mean for it to get this far, you have to understand that.” He took in the fact that you were blinking rapidly, and he wondered if it was because you were trying to stop yourself from crying or if it was because you had completely lost your mind.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He demanded, his hands raised slightly to his sides.
“You’re my mission, Bucky!” You screeched. Your words hung in the air as all of the oxygen left Bucky’s lungs. Tears were for sure falling down your face now. “I was assigned to bring you back. To return the Asset.” His hearing seemed to go out, the sound of your voice now growing distant. He thought about the gun he was using sitting in the hallway, and how he should’ve insisted on getting it back. He thought of your eyes when he told you he loved you, the fear instilled into them. He thought of your insistence on gaining his trust. Every little thing that you had ever done that could’ve clued him into this came back to him, but they were so few and far between. You were trained by the best, after all.
“Why are you doing this?” He asked weakly, his eyes dropping to the ground.
“They said they would blow up New York,” You told him, making him look back up at you. “They know you’re here and they said they could do it at a moments notice. They said I have until midnight tonight.” Ever so slightly, your hand began to shake so mildly that if Bucky hadn’t been staring right into the barrel, he wouldn’t have noticed.
“How much of it was real?” He asked, slowly gesturing between himself and you. “How much of it was real and how much of it was part of… this?” You let out a strangled sigh.
“It was at first but then I started fucking liking you, and then I started fucking loving you,” You rambled quickly. “And then they fucking grabbed me at the store last week and told me that I have until tonight at midnight to get you or else…” You trailed off, your entire body vibrating. Everything felt vacant to Bucky, like this was just what it was meant to happen. The minute he was starting to become happy, to move passed everything that had happened, it all turned out to be fake.
“I trusted you,” He whispered, shaking his head at the floor. You let out a quiet sob, and it made him flinch.
“Bucky, I’m so sorry,” You whimpered. He didn’t look up at you. He couldn’t. Despite it all, he knew that if he looked at you, into your eyes that he had immersed himself into time and time again, that he would forgive you in an instant.
“Why don’t you just kill me then?” He asked, his voice empty and blank. “You can make it look like I killed myself.” You shook your head rapidly.
“I can’t do that,” You said. “I won’t do that.” Something surged through him that he couldn’t quite place. His head snapped back up to look at you.
“You’re better off killing me than letting me go back to them!” He shouted. “You know what they’ll do!”
“I won’t be the one to fucking kill you, do you hear me?” You shrieked. “I won’t fucking do it.”
“Do it now!” He shouted.
“NO!” You yelled. 
He said nothing as he stared at you. The memories of everything he had endured rushed through him. It didn’t matter who you were or how he felt about you. He’d be damned if he let anyone take him back there again. Not without a fight at least. 
Before he could stop himself, Bucky found himself lunging towards you, his arms reaching for the gun. The last thing he saw as the gunshot rang in his ears was your tear stained face, the sound of your screams piercing the air, before he hit the floor. And everything went black.
__________________________
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