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abundanceofsoph · 4 years

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SkyFire 2: Chapter 5

Tattoos, Amputations and Art: April 2016

Word count: 2.3k

PART 1

SkyFire 2 MASTERLIST

CW/TW this chapter involves and amputation surgery although there are no explicit details

>Instagram posts

A week before the surgery, Aurora and Harry were curled up in bed.

“Rori? I’ve had an idea.”

“Why does that sentence make me worried,” Rori joked.

“Yeah, ha ha, you’re hilarious,” Harry deadpanned. “Shut up I’m trying to be cute.”

“Oh, sorry dear.” She replied with a mockingly serious tone. “Please proceed.”

Harry rolled his eyes at her. “I was thinking we could go get tattoos together before your surgery next week.”

“Oooh, that sounds like fun.” She grinned over at him from where her head lay on his pillow. “It’s been so long since we got tattooed together. I don’t know what I’d get though, I’m pretty happy with the ones I’ve got.”

Harry peeled back the bedsheet covering her torso, tracing his fingers across the familiar ink spreading out across her rib cage. “Well I was thinking maybe we could your IronMan and Cap one redone on your other wrist since you’ve mentioned a couple of times that you miss it.”

“Oh harry,” she sighed. “That sounds perfect.”

“Just thought that way you’d still be keeping a part of your left hand with you.”

“I love when you get all sentimental,” she said, kissing the tip of his nose. “What are you gonna get?”

Harry blushed. “Thought I might get a palm tree after our trip to St Lucia.”

“It really was beautiful there wasn’t it?”

“Yeah it was,” he agreed, smiling softly as his hand traced the skin of her hip. “Maybe we should go back for our honeymoon.”

“I’d love that.” She lifted herself up on her elbow to look down at him, leaning in to kiss him deeply as his hands moved to grab at her waist, pulling her closer to him. She burst out laughing as she lost her balance and fell on top of him. His laughter echoed hers before their lips reconnected.

xXx

Aurora found herself in a tattoo parlour the following afternoon, her right arm stretched out for the artist sitting in front her. She was smiling softly as she watched him ink in the familiar design that was now nearly unrecognisable on her other wrist. While she’d never thought of replicating the tattoo, she was glad that Harry had suggested it and that he was sitting in the chair next to her, just as he had been the first time she received the tattoo in question. She looked up from her own artwork, to watch Harry’s palm tree come to life above his elbow. He caught her eye, smiling widely back at her. Since his piece was simple black and white line work, his artist finished much sooner that hers and after he was cleaned up and the tattoo wrapped, he scooted over to sit beside her, his hand resting on her elbow, unable to hold her hand due the brace.

“Looks good, love,” he said when the artist finished, quickly cleaning and wrapping the plastic around her wrist.

“Thank you for suggesting I do this,” Aurora whispered, pecking a soft kiss to his lips. “Feels right to have it back again.”

xXx

When they got back to the tower with their new tattoos, Aurora headed downstairs to the workshop while Harry joined Steve and Bucky in the living room where they were watching TV.

“Hey kiddo,” Tony said in greeting when Aurora walked through the glass door. “How’s the new tattoo?”

“Perfect,” Rori smiled, pulling out her phone to show him the photo Harry had taken before it was covered in plastic. “Looks just like the original.”

“Love it,” Tony replied.

“Can I ask a favour dad?”

“Of course, you can kiddo. What’s up?”

“Would it be ok if just Harry comes with me to the hospital next week?” Aurora asked. “I’m ok with you and pops both being there when I get out of surgery, but I think I’d just like Harry to be there before I go in.”

“Of course,” Tony replied. “Whatever you need.”

“Thanks dad.”

xXx

Aurora was sitting up in the hospital bed, a light blanket pulled up over her legs, a sheer hospital gown covering her torso. One of the nurses had come by earlier to help remove the brace and all the taping from her hand and it was now propped up on a pillow in her lap as she waited, scar tissue covering every inch of visible skin, her fingers curled up uncomfortably. She ran the fingers of her right hand along the scars, tracing them from the tips of her fingers, over the back of her hand and up past her wrist before flipping her hand over and touching every inch of her palm. She started crying softly as she mapped the familiar expanse of skin, unsure what it would feel like to look down and see nothing when she woke up again later that day.

“It’s not too late to change your mind,” Harry whispered, wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs as he sat next to her on the edge of the bed.

She shook her head, looking up to meet his eyes. “This is the right thing to do, just confronting to think I won’t have a hand in a few hours.”

“You are so brave,” Harry told her. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too Harry,” she replied. “Wouldn’t have made it this far without you.” He kissed her cheek, reaching out and taking hold her right hand in his. She watched him lace their fingers together, the light catching on her engagement ring. She knew that she would have to take it off shortly before she went into the OR, but she left it on for now. “You know,” she murmured, staring at the ring. “I’d kind of figured that by the time we got to the wedding this would be on my left hand where it belongs.”

Harry squeezed her hand, placing kisses to her temple. “Doesn’t matter which hand it’s on,” he replied. “Still means the same thing.”

“I’m scared Harry,” Aurora admitted, her eyes still firmly glued to the ring.

He placed his thumb and forefinger on her chin, lifting her head until she was looking at him. “I’m not going to lie and say that everything will be easy, but it will be ok. You’ve already survived the worst of it, and you are so strong. I’m gonna be right here waiting for you when you wake up.”

She kissed him deeply, his hand not holding hers coming to rest on her cheek, his thumb moving back and forth across her cheekbone as they both deepened the kiss. They both pulled apart when a nurse entered the room and cleared her throat. She blushed deeply when they both looked over at her, slightly out of breath. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, “but we’re ready for you now Miss Stark.”

“See you soon, love,” Harry murmured. He kissed her again quickly before standing up and stepping back to allow the nurse to wheel Aurora from the room. Aurora slipped the ring from her finger and placed it in his palm.

“Keep this safe for me,” she told him.

“I love you, Aurora,” Harry said as she neared the door.

“Love you too, H” she replied.

xXx

A little over a week after the operation, Aurora made her way to the elevator. She was wearing a pair of dark grey leggings and one of Harry’s knitted sweaters, the oversized garment hanging off her shoulders and falling midway down her thighs. The right sleeve fell down to almost cover the tips of her fingers while the left sleeve swung freely at the end, her arm ending halfway along her forearm. The penthouse was empty as she crossed the living room, stepping into the elevator and telling JARVIS which floor she needed. The Avengers had all left the previous day on a mission, neither Steve nor Tony wanting to leave her, but both agreed to go once she reminded them that Harry would be there with her the entire time.

She made her way into the recording studio, smiling softly as she watched Harry working away with his new team. His long curls were swept back from his face by a pair of sunglasses perched on the top of his head, a loud Hawaiian shirt hanging off his shoulder, unbuttoned and swinging loosely as he sang. Aurora always loved watching Harry sing, relishing the way his dimples popped in his cheeks as he smiled, and the creases by his eyes crinkling. Happiness radiated off him when he was in the studio and Rori loved basking in it. No one had noticed her entrance and she lent against the door frame, soaking in the sounds of the unfamiliar song. Her lips quirked up and she bit back a laugh as she listened to the lyrics.

“Said I’m having your baby,” Harry sang. “It’s none of your business.”

“I think if I was having your baby it would be your business,” Aurora joked when the song petered out a few moments later.

Harry’s eyes snapped up to where she stood, he face lighting up. “I’d like to hope so,” he laughed, gesturing for her to join him. She crossed the room coming to a stop in front of him, but let out a surprised squeal when he reached out, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her onto his lap.

“Rude,” she laughed.

“Missed you,” he murmured into her ear before kissing her cheek. “You getting lonely upstairs with everyone gone.”

“A little,” Rori admitted. “But I also need your help. I’ve been trying to tie my hair up for the last half an hour, but I can’t get it up one handed.”

“Ponytail, Braid or Bun?” he asked, taking the hair tie from her hand as she spun around to face away from him.

“Whatever’s easiest,” Aurora replied. “Thinking I might try painting this afternoon and I just don’t want to get paint in it.”

Harry placed a kiss on her shoulder, trying to hide his excitement that she was finally feeling ready to venture back into her and Steve’s studio. He started combing his fingers through her hair before beginning to braid it down the centre of her head and down the back of her neck. “All done,” he declared a few minutes later once he snapped the hair tie into place.

“Thanks baby,” she smiled, leaning back against his chest when his arms wrapped around her waist.

“You’re welcome,” he said, kissing her shoulder again. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Rori replied. “Feeling less off balanced today and the stitches aren’t itching anymore.”

“Good.” He continued kissing across her shoulder, his chin coming to rest in the crook of her neck. “Promise you’ll tell me if it’s not, yeah?”

“Promise,” she replied, her right hand resting over his own. “Now sing for me.”

He laughed, but quickly fell back into the swing of working. She stayed there for a while ��listening as they worked, occasionally offering up a suggestion here and there before leaving with a kiss to Harry’s forehead after an hour or so.

She slowly made her way out into the hallway, padding over the carpet barefoot until she reached the door to the art studio she shared with her Pops and pushed open the door. The sun was streaming through the window and she took a moment to admire the latest sketches that Steve had been working on since she’d last been down here. Before the shooting, barely a day went by that she hadn’t come down here, but she hadn’t step foot inside since the disastrous day in January.

She saw the half started canvas still on its easel over in the corner, drawing her in as if in challenge. It felt as though it was mocking her, a physical reminder of one of her lowest moments, an acknowledgment of her inability to do what she loved. She stood up straighter, setting her shoulders in determination before dragging the easel out to the middle of the room along with a stool to place her palette on and requesting JARVIS play one of her favourite playlists.

It was much later in the afternoon when Harry excused himself from the others and headed down the hall to check in on Aurora. Without realising it, he mirrored her earlier position, leaning against the door frame, smiling warmly as he watched the way her brow furrowed, and she held a paintbrush in her mouth while she splashed paint across the canvas with another. Knowing how much it had pained her to be without her art for months, he was over the moon to finally see her back in her element. Music was playing softly through the speakers in the ceiling, filling the studio with a peaceful atmosphere. Harry bit back a laugh as they current song ended, and the start of End of the Day played. He lost his battle over his laughter when Aurora started dancing on the spot while she painted, spinning around to face him with a soft blush on her cheeks.

“How long have you been standing there?” she asked, putting down her brushes when he walked across the room to kiss her.

“Long enough to know you’ve found your groove again.” He looked over her shoulder at the canvas, a sprawling countryside on a spring day filling the scene.

“You like it?” she asked, smiling softly.

Harry hummed in response as he continued taking in the details of the painting. “Getting late though,” he pointed out, looking towards the setting sun outside. “We were thinking of getting Pizza.”

“Why don’t you invite everyone upstairs for a movie night?” Rori asked, already walking over to the sink in the corner to clean her brushes out.

“I’ll go ask,” Harry said. “Meet you up there?”

“See you in a few,” she agreed.

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

#skyfire #skyfire fic #aurora stark #dad!tony #iron dad #step dad steve rogers #stony #stony fic #boyfriend harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #superfamily #harry styles #tony stark

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aura-loveshine · 4 years

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Today, to take mind of other things I guess, I decided to cull the large number of tumblr blogs that I’ve been collecting over the last 10 years... first time I've done a cull.. I mainly deleted blogs that havn’t been updated in over 2 years. I tried to delete some that hadn't been updated in a year, but I couldn't for they might return!! right!? a lot of hectic stuff has happened on this planet, in a year, let alone 2 or 3... or 4... I had, at one point stopped using tumblr for maybe over 2 years myself so didn’t want to lose the connection to people/blogs that I appreciate. but following 2730 blogs is a bit overboard...

As I was deleting blogs, I wondered about the people who created them. Did they get their message, idea, art out there? did they become what they hoped to be? did they find happiness, stability, tribe, love, adventure, creativity, health...???

I wondered if the up-cycle blog started to create awareness, that hadn't updated in 9 years, stopped because up-cycling became ‘trendy’ enough?

Or if the trans youth blog stopped 5 years ago because they finally transitioned and they didnt need the blog anymore, moving on to the next chapter of their journey?

Did the gypsy/hippie/Bohemians finally go adventuring, found tribe or build the little forest cabin they craved? did they find a way of life that allowed them to live freely?

Did the youth who used tumblr for their trauma/ depression venting, find health, healing and genuine help?

Did the queer history blog stop because its becoming more commonly legal/publically available, and the sharing/fight became different?

did the many artists I followed find success and stability with their art career?

did the creator’s project or organisation take off?

did that young creator get to publish their book? become a screen writer? an illustrator? start a band that took off? become a well known photographer?

did they move or travel overseas and start a whole new life?

are they studying or working full time on something their passionate about?

did the person who created the enlightenment/consciousness blog find genuine healing and enlightenment and disconnect from technology, separating themselves from busy life to reconnect to nature and simple ethical living?

are the witches, mystics and dreamers still weaving and honouring the magical and mysterious?

are the spiritual seekers offline and now seeking physical spiritual experience?

are the carers, advisors, healers continuing to inspire, hold space and help?

did all these beautiful people find love and intimacy? did they find community or a new lifestyle? did they become a parent?

did the people advocating for a better world, sustainable living, activism and global change continue or find different ways to live what they were passionately focused on? did what they were fighting for happen, did it become legal? has it gotten worse? are they still striving toward a better world? I hope they are...

did they find their way? did they make it? did they survive?

so far this post has been focusing on positives, and so much of me wants to just stop there and allow that to be what I share... but really I can't and won't turn a blind eye to the truth. I deleted 763 blogs...

some of them I hope most, found connection, support and good life experiences that turned their focus away from tumblr, away from the hypnotic screens in general. but the truth probably is that a large number of the un-updated blogs come from people who’s life have possibly become worse, they might not have survived, struggling in some way they can't have time or access tumblr. they may have had to flea their home, can't get work, have become homeless, having a health crisis, grieving the loss of a loved one, stuck in an abusive relationship, suffered breaking trauma, or are fighting a major battle of many kinds that hasn't stopped for 6 years... the possibilities of what humans experience is kaleidoscopic...

some people have stopped using tumblr because they are now on Facebook, or dislike the changes to tumblr’s new ownership or censorship levels... some surely just got bored with tumblr and all the rest,

but I guess the post, is a way I can take a moment to appreciate and honour, those who havnt survived, who have disappeared for reasons that are sad or horrific. for those who havn’t been honoured...

Internet, Tumblr and websites similar, allow for people to see a different side to the global population. people living opposite sides of the world can see each other as the unique individual. We can connect with, bond with, have empathy for or love people easier through the web world. When public figures’s lives end, those who loved them have opportunity to honour that person, but for some people, for example someone on tumblr, their life may not be honoured, the people who enjoyed their content may never know what happened, or have opportunity to cherish/honour their fallen tribe... On Facebook, you'll most likely learn of someone’s passing pretty quickly as those closest have opportunity to tell others... but on a site like tumblr.. I would figure not so much...

cherish ur tumblr tribe, we are an eclectic look at a large number of the population, we are all people striving, trying and surviving, we are all people who want a safe and sustainable existence, we are here connecting, sharing, inspiring, learning, and being seen and heard. So many incredible thoughts ideas and creations have been shared with the world, in books, in art, on the internet, and on tumblr... I am grateful to the people who have taken the time and energy to share their passion, and helped educate and inspire generations. Taking a moment to honour all the fallen tribe on this planet that havnt had their lives cherished for the monumental, complex and and fascinating experience it is...

keep striving and surviving. keep dreaming, healing and loving. keep trying.

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tae-kun · 5 years

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If the Main Reason why you log onto Tumblr is for Porn, then you don’t understand what made Tumblr special in the first place

Tumblr is not a Porn Site

It was never intended to be, so for the people that are saying stuff like “Tumblr never supported our sex work anyway” you’re 100% correct. Being allowed to post Pornography isn’t the same as being a source for it. Over the years Tumblr has been ran rampant with porn to the point that content creators that did other stuff that didn’t relate to porn slowly started to go to other platforms; Since their work was being overshadowed by the sheer volume of porn and they struggled to get any attention on their work.

You people are acting like Tumblr is attacking sex workers as if this was their main and only place to earn money for their work.

There are porn sites that are made to promote AND support sex workers. Hell PornHub will pay people for their sextapes and has multiple systems in place for them to make money off Ad revenue alongside having a tip system, content protection and other stuff

Anyone that was serious about their sex work would have been using sites like this instead of relying on Tumblr as a main source of revenue or promotion.

Tumblr is a trash place to try to promote anything! Constant spamming of bots and tags, No reliable Notification system or way for your followers to see you’re new posts out of the sea of reblogs. So to act like these new changes are going to serious kill anyone that is in the sex work is flat out outrageous.

Hell a majority of the popular porn that was on here wasn’t even from amateurs making videos on here. People were taking porn from porn sites and making blogs centered around it and would constantly flood their blogs with this content which would then, overshadow any amateur worker on here that made their own work; since they had no to even compete with the constant bombardment of daily new stuff that these blogs were taking and using.

People would steal other peoples videos and get popular of it without even crediting the original creator and would even go as far as to SELL these videos and make more money of it than the actual people in the damn video.

So Tumblr was never an ideal place for sex work to begin with, so throw that excuse out. Most people only used Tumblr to promote their private snapchat or onlyfans account which you can still do in a regular selfie or post. There are thousands of people on Instagram making hundreds and thousands of dollars doing the same thing and they don’t have one titty out on their page. Just tight clothing and skimpy outfits.

If you’re really upset that you can’t watch porn on here after Dec 17

At first it was funny seeing people joke about the porn being gone. But some of y’all are really upset and mad that you need to actually go to a porn sites to watch porn???

Some of y’all don’t even post nudes or create anything that could be considered sexual and y’all saying “ima delete my blog since tumblr is trying to silence me”

(Side Note: Just because your post got flagged doesn’t mean it will be deleted. They already said stuff like this would happen as they added in this new system. So mistakes like these are bound to happen and will most likely be fixed in a week or so and have no negative affect on your blog. Y’all really acting like Tumblr is out to silence your love for cats and landscapes 🙄)

Like i said before there are plenty of sites to watch porn on and if your favorite sex worker is serious about their job then you will see them on there. Which only makes things easier for both of you. But lets be honest, most of y’all just like the idea of seeing porn without having to actually look for it, like it’s some nasty secret. On Tumblr you couldn’t escape porn even if you searched things that were unrelated to it. Tumblr gave you guys the perfect cover up for it and you guys went overboard with it and here we are. People are so quick to compare this issue to other Tumblr problems but there was never a issue as big as people with dick profile pics dming you no matter who you were (kids or adults) and sending you nude pics; then Porn Bots popped up under everyone’s post no matter if you had the safety lock on or not.

You guys made hundreds of post saying how much you hate porn blogs getting tens of thousands of notes in agreement about it, You guys would put “no porn blogs allowed” in your description box or something similar in meaning.

And now when Tumblr puts a system in place to directly remove it, you guys try to back pedal and claim that it will kill sex workers, freedom of speech and sexuality based off opinions, assumptions and things that aren’t even in the policy change.

Some of y’all honestly suggested “Just add a age verification system” as a way to fix the porn issue.... That shit ain’t never worked since 2002! I got so use to lying on those things that i sometimes forget that i’m grown and that i don’t need to put “01/11/1975″

The only people that this severely hurts are

1a) People that steal porn from other sites to use on their blog to get followers, to then try sell promo slots

1b) People that are stealing other sex workers content and illegally selling them

2) Child Porn Blogs

THAT’S IT

And Honestly is that really a bad thing? Getting rid of people that were stealing other peoples stuff and making money off it and pedophiles.

The way tumblr was set up allowed blogs like these to thrive without any risk, outside of getting their blog deleted (just to make a new one) and it only continued the flood of porn which became the breeding grounds for Porn Bots

Tumblr is suppose to be a place to freely express all forms of art, ideas, and conversations. But because of the nonstop flood of porn, most people only know it for Porn and Emo kids. Which brings me back to my original statement

This isn’t a Porn Site

Porn became so over flooded on here that you didn’t even need to search to find it. All you had todo is take off the safe lock and search anything, even a city. There would be hundreds of porn pics and videos in every slot. And before you say “well just keep the safety lock on”

Any content that had cursing, fighting or even slight nudity got put behind there. So unless you were just on here for kpop, aesthetics and Steven Universe you weren’t really seeing anything different with that lock on.

( Another Side Note: For you people trying to compare the porn flood to white supremacy blogs need to stop it. All the time i’ve been on here i have never NEEEVVVEEER accidentally came across any pro white supremacy post or blog unless it was someone exposing them and their stupidity which would then cause them to delete their blog. If you are constantly seeing anything Pro Nazi, Pro White Supremacy, Pro homophobia or anything similar that supports bigotry; then you are actively searching for it and follow these people. These blogs don’t even make up 5% of the content seen on here with or without the lock. So trying to say that Tumblr supports these blogs since they’re still around is Mr. Fantastic level of reaching. These blogs have never been a serious issue to the point that Nazi Bots were created saying “Hate jews and blacks clck here for more ;)”. So stop this weak comparison.)

I created a Tumblr and made it one of my main platforms to create content on because of the communities and people i found on here.

I found Great stories and Dope artist on here. I found people being able to fully express themselves and find an audience for them that helped share their work through a simple reblog. But if you’ve been noticing or have been on here long enough, most content creators don’t use Tumblr as their main platform to create or promote their content anymore. And why would they?

People barely activate their notifications for blog updates, It’s hella hard to find an audience through the constant reblogging of already popular stuff From Vine and Twitter, people rarely go outside of tumblr to support peoples stores or websites. Hell most artist on here that become popular on here that get continued support are the ones that have made or continue to make some kind of pornography of real or fictional characters. It’s hella rare to find any artist that hasn’t made any porn, that is equally popular or supported like the ones that have; which just goes back to people thinking Tumblr is for porn.

Tumblr isn’t even against the idea of expressing yourself or art through nudity as their post and policy change explicitly explained. And people’s content that’s getting flagged that doesn’t go against that policy is a problem THAT THEY SAID WOULD HAPPEN as they get everything in order with their new system

All of these long post that people are writing about it that and they themselves forgot to do some basic reading on the topic.

Tumblr Staff- “Certain types of artistic, educational, newsworthy, or political content featuring nudity are fine. Don’t upload any content, including images, videos, GIFs, or illustrations, that depicts sex acts.

This isn’t an attack on people’s ability to speak out or embrace themselves. They are directly trying to remove Porn which they won’t be able to fully do, even Instagram and Twitter can’t do that; no public site with millions of people can. But they’re at least trying to get rid of the constant overflow of it.

It’s so sad to see hundreds and thousands of you saying “i only used Tumblr for porn” because that just shows how derailed this site has become and why Tumblr had to make these extreme decisions especially after being removed from app stores because of the child pornography.

If you’re going to leave because you can’t make porn on here: I can see why you would do that but there is no reason to. You can still use your blog to promote your stuff and make teases of your work that can be found or bought else where. Tumblr was never a reliable place for sex work and i highly recommend using Sites that will actually protect your work and put some money in your pockets while doing it

If you’re leaving because you can’t watch porn on here: You probably weren’t supporting anyone really and only made the influx of porn worse, making it harder for other content users to be seen. If you were supporting actual sex workers on here then continue to do so, I’m sure anyone serious would have more than just tumblr as their main platform.

For those that got popular and made money off other people sex work: So long and farewell

For the Child Porn Blogs: Hope you get mental help or burn. Either or is fine with me

For the people that may get upset by this: Correct me, Prove me wrong, Let’s have a whole serious discussion about this and hear each others side with no fighting or disrespect :D

For all of Us: Lets actually support and help the people that really make Tumblr the gem that it is. Lets make this platform be known for creative people and unique ideas; and communities that actually comfort and understand us. Let’s actually make this platform something that’s known for more than just Porn and Emo Kids.

Regardless i hope that everyone can calm down and act like there’s more here than just porn..

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zainclaw · 5 years

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Listen.

I’m as upset as the next guy that life on Tumblr is gonna change from what it’s been for the past 10 years. But truth is: I love this website. And I wish people weren’t so quick to jump on the let’s-throw-shit-at-Staff bandwagon. Yeah, they’ve handled a lot of things poorly, no doubt about it, and I still use x-kit and tampermonkey to avoid some of their choices. But a lot of times it seems people don’t even listen to what Staff are telling us.

All jokes aside -- and there are some hilarious ones -- the algorithm is behaving exactly as expected, because that’s how all algorithms behave in the beginning. It needs time to learn. Youtube is still struggling with theirs.

What Tumblr said would happen:

“All changes won’t happen overnight as something of this complexity takes time. We’re relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we’ve done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community. We won’t always get this right, especially in the beginning, but we are determined to make your experience a positive one.”

What actually happened:

Exactly that.

As for the actual nsfw ban... I know different people will be affected differently from this, depending on what your blog used to be about. But according to that first statement, we should still be be able to continue with a lot of things.

“We recognize Tumblr is also a place to speak freely about topics like art, sex positivity, your relationships, your sexuality, and your personal journey. We want to make sure that we continue to foster this type of diversity of expression in the community, so our new policy strives to strike a balance.”

So. If Tumblr manages to do what they set out to do, we’ll still be able to post art and other content, LGBT and otherwise, just not the very explicit kind. Again, I understand this change will mean different things for different people.

Let’s make something clear: Tumblr isn’t shutting down. I understand if people wanna start using another site, but Tumblr isn’t gonna disappear on Dec 17th. I’ve heard nothing about entire blogs being deleted. We should all still be able to communicate and regroup with Our People here, even after the ban.

My main point here is: we don’t really know what this site will look like after the 17th. And personally I’m a glass-half-full kinda guy, so I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. And while I know some people will think I’m naive for doing so, I’d still argue that it makes going through life a little easier; not always expecting the worst, and trying to make the best out of every situation.

I don’t believe this fight is over. A lot of people have already pointed out how adult content, in various forms, are such a big part of Tumblr’s user base. And if this drastic rule change gets rid of the Very Worst (which is cp and is why they were pulled from the app store, and finally made them do something) then maybe they’ll allow nsfw content again in the future.

Should they have tried to solve this issue a lot sooner? Absolutely. 100%. But they didn’t, so here we are. Now let’s deal with it.

Protest.

Sign this petition in an attempt to change some minds about this whole ordeal, or at the very least make the scale of our distaste known. This could be useful even after Dec 17th. We’re closing in on 300,000 signatures.

Join the log-off protest on December 17th.

Let your voice be heard and contact the right people to express your distate. Don’t be immature. Be polite. Be reasonable. But let them know.

Adapt.

Links. Use outbound links.

I’ve seen artists crop pictures and have the explicit part of it under a ‘read more’ cut for a long time. I’m sure we could start doing something similar with linking people to another platform where the fullsized art is. Find somewhere else to store your more explicit art. Deviantart or elsewhere.

Same with fics. Written works should be safe for now, but if that changes, or if you just don’t wanna post them on Tumblr anymore, you can always post your fics on AO3 and just direct people there via links in posts. Yes, drabbles too.

There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to direct your traffic through links on your posts, sidebar, or wherever else on your blog. You should still be able to use Tumblr as your main platform, if you wish.

I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up on Tumblr. I’ll cling to the rear of this sinking ship for as long as possible. Jack Dawson got nothing on me.

#how do I even tag this #tumblr #tumblr purge #?#zain speaks #i've literally never used that tag before but i need one for my opinion posts i think

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the-nwah-embassy · 5 years

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You know, I wanted to make a joke about this absolute dumpster fire of a decision to completely ban all NSFW on tumblr. I’m sure there’s a few things I could say that would be humorous. But it’s not funny. It’s just not.

For a really long fucking time, people have used the “think of the children!” excuse when it comes to censorship. Hilarious coming from Tumblr staff, considering they didn’t do JACK SHIT when child porn was an issue. Hilarious, considering they didn’t do JACK SHIT when MAPs were freely running around this fucking site. Let me put this as clearly as possible.

They didn’t give a fuck about pedophilia or child porn until it affected their revenue. They did not care until their own interests were threatened.

And those porn bots we all hated and complained about for months and begged staff to do something about? They didn’t give a fucking fuckity fuck until the App Store pulled them, then all the sudden they kick it into high gear.

Oh, and the hateful Nazi/white pride/hatespeech blogs that are around? They’re gunna be just fine unless they post a tit. Don’t even worry. Staff has you covered there too. They obviously have your best interest at heart here. I mean, it’s “to protect us and inspire a safe community” right staff?

You know who you’re punishing @staff ? You know what your heavy handed, lazy dumbassery is going to cost you?

Art blogs that make their living from commissions and sharing their work are pretty much going down. You ever posted a female tiddy? Say goodbye.

Sex workers who are trying to safely conduct their business through a legitimate platform. Not porn bots. Girls and boys who are just trying to stay safe in their line of work.

Hey, does that Ancient Greek statue have a dick on it? Let’s pull a Catholic Church and plaster a metaphorical fig leaf over it. No more art!

Writers and story tellers, you better keep it kid friendly! People can’t die in your stories anymore, especially not graphically, and that couple can never consummate their love, at least not “on screen.”

It wouldn’t surprise me if any trans positivity blogs suffer from this, since tumblr staff can’t get its shit together and was marking trans blogs as NSFW during their great purge.

You know what? Just everyone. If you’re an adult, too bad! Cause you don’t get to see anything that a 10 year old couldn’t look at. Underage? Well clearly you’re too stupid to work the NSFW safe search, so staff will do it for you! By purging the entire site. Because instead of doing their fucking jobs, they’re gunna just nuke the whole joint.

Yeah, you can give me some bullshit about how it’s their site and they can do what they want, and you’ll be right. But guess what? It’s our choice to use it, and by kicking its users in the goddamn face, they’re nailing their own coffin shut. And good. They deserve that.

I have no doubt that some of my favorite artists and authors are going to lose their blog. A lot of these elder scrolls and video game blogs are going down too. Maybe this one. Who knows, it’s staff and they’re a pack of fucking morons.

So yeah, I got nothin funny to say. I just find it endlessly sad that instead of getting off their ass and doing SOMETHING, they’re just going to say fuck it and hit the big red button, and some folks are going to lose their livelyhood over that. But they don’t give a shit. Because they can go back to sucking off the App Store and ignoring their user base.

#mod morgana #i literally posted molag balls dong yesterday so goodbye yall

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ibatronic · 5 years

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Still Alive...

BEFORE YOU READ!

The following does get really personal, so please read (if you so choose) with an open heart and genuine sense of compassion and sensitivity. It's also many things I've wanted to get off my chest for ages. The following will also explain my mood in the past two journals I made. It does end on a lighter note, I promise.

It's been ages since I've posted anything online, let alone anything here... Remember months ago, when I had posted a journal about the slump I was feeling and then posted an artwork of me… slump drawing? There’s more beyond me simply losing motivation to make more art. And a few of you might have noticed I posted a rather… shocking status update in which I threatened suicide. Following that post, a lot of the unpleasant feelings and thoughts that I believed were gone came back to haunt me. Additionally, many things in my past came back to haunt me, prompting me to go soul searching and try to better myself.

For those not in-the-know, I have been suffering from clinical and manic depression for about the past 6 years. Speaking in real-life timeline, back in the 6 years, I remember that it started with my severe trouble making friends, communicating with others socially, and trying to fit in with others. My depression wasn’t just caused by my low turnout in the friends department, but also because I'd never truly felt loved by anyone… not even myself. As I grew up, I had no friends all throughout middle school and no friends all throughout high school, and then came to terms with the fact that I have no friends at ALL! Things like having no friends really did have an effect on me… I gave friendship and putting myself out there an earnest try, but after the many times I got hurt and betrayed, that was the end of it for me. People like myself who are alone usually spend their time practicing something they like, in my case being my art, writing, and studying. From other sources and from my own experience, it helps to be noticed for your talents and interest. This pretty much tied into, if you’d notice, why I was actively moping around DA Forums grousing on why my work doesn’t get as much attention as I’d hoped or why those that are recognized do get it. Sometimes, I feel annoyed that noone cares about my work, not even my relatives. My original work. Like, on DeviantArt, I recall fan-art and fan-artists get tons of favorites on their work. While the highest I've ever gotten was 11. I've put hours, days, and sometimes weeks into these and noone cares. And it's mostly criticism that doesn't even make sense. I just want to tell them how hard it is to make the art, but showing people who aren't interested in the hobby will just make them annoyed about it. Everyone is expecting a @$%^ing anime master from every artist and I just don't get it. Some of the time people will make annoying re-colors to get the respect and attention they want, but they do get both of those things in the end. Mostly, how it goes is: A person will make a rather undeveloped character. Then, they will take someone else's artwork and color in their character. Then they will claim it as their own. Then, they will get hate and attention. The person will 'cry' over it and say that they are going to leave that site. People will feel bad for that person, make the person fan art, subscribe to or watch them or whatever, and the person will be filthy-famous and have tons of friends in the end, even though they didn't do jack @$%^! Or they just stoop so low just to get-rich-quick. Argh! I just don't get it any more! I try to hard making quality animation, art, videos, but no one cares what so ever!

I’ve had nobody. Nobody cared about me. Going this long without someone besides therapists to confide in, or someone to comfort you or share their likes and dislikes with could really mess you up...

An ordinary day for me back in high school that I rarely overlook, was my recurring plight when it came to being around others. For the majority of my life, I had been nothing but an outcast to people my own age, I never fit in with them since they never truly accepted me as their friend. From what I can remember, each year, I was either on my own or hung out with a group of kids as they talked amongst themselves while I just remained silent. And each year, I make the mistake of even having the tiniest bit of optimism that things just might be different. Having been alone and neglected for a long time, I spent every day seeing what it felt like to be going through what I think are quite possibly the worst years of my adolescent life, with my best and only friend gone (he moved), while I was stuck amongst people whom I felt care very little about me. Now, I’m by myself and with some content. Everyday I would go through the same routine—morning academic classes, lunch break, after classes, dismissal—counting the hours as they go by. For kids that suffered from anxiety or depression, like me, they were sent to the Social Work team where they can vent out their problems and try to uncover any solution or coping mechanism to get by the school year. For me, it might've been a different story because ever since my depression started, I received little check-ins from anyone, not even my own parents, relatives, or any old friends I once had (ones that I talked to in elementary or middle school that won’t talk to me anymore). Most of the time in school, I refused to show any emotion, trying to keep them all bottled up as I go through eight hours by hours while the other students talk amongst themselves and don't pay attention to me.

In life, I find what it is like to be in complete isolation, triggering memories of how I had endured loneliness in my childhood and used to be the timid, awkward, and sullen oddball, knowing that there is noone around to brighten my day, only the sound of other kids talking amongst themselves and having fun much to my envy is all I can hear. On one night as I walked home, I realized that I am really alone, having no idea where my life is going at that rate, or if there is someone out there who really cares about me because not a lot of people have spoken to me for a while ever since I became a high school student years back and regret not getting in much contact with them to see how things were. Plus, my closest relatives, such as my parents and brother are not really much help in my condition. As much as I try to talk to them, I don't get the feeling that they truly understand. The way they respond whenever I attempt to console to them is very dismissive and inconsiderate, further supporting my belief that not even they care about me. In the time I'd wrote this, I swore off telling them any ounce of my problems, as if they would actually care...

Even worse was enduring bullying and abuse from other students that triggered bad memories of what caused me not to be so trusting of others. And, I could not fight back against them all that much, doing nothing other than reacting, glaring, snarking, or giving the occasional finger, which wouldn't last long as I am often overpowered by their popularity, dominance, and miraculous ways of getting reactions out of me. Unless I were lucky to find some kind of way of hitting them. There were some days which ended with me getting sent to the principal’s office in order to acknowledge my mental illness with the staff, not to mention what feelings of trauma I get whenever I’m bullied or harassed by some dastardly kid. Sometimes after the bullying, I would have meltdowns or end up running back to my haven so nobody can see my silent (nonexistent) tears of regret and sorrow, even ignoring whatever pains those bullies left on my heart and body. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I can no longer bottle up my emotions, yet now I refuse to show it in front of others and would rather do it alone in my haven so I can be on to do so freely. The only words I can whisper to myself is “I hate myself…” This is also the case for cyberbullies and predators I've fallen victim of in the past—people have anonymously been mean and hurtful to me, and what's worse is that I REALLY cannot do anything about it besides reporting, especially for pedophiles who have managed to lead me on in the past and take advantage of my open wounds just to get an easy nail... Speaking of bullying, I think it's safe to assume that I'd also sufferred the same at the hands of my own father! In the past, and during my childhood, he would abuse me by striking me every time I screwed something up, even if it was a minor or honest mistake. Being both verbally and physically abusive, I can't exactly say I felt truly safe when around him in hindsight, worrying that one slip-up in front of him could result in another clean bruise on my body. Recently, I recall my father once barging into my room at night while I was asleep and interrogating me about some sort of misunderstanding with his credit card and certain online marketing website. Instead of actually filling me in on what happened or what was going on, he would yell me these questions with no fathomable context whatsoever. Even worse was that initially I was suffering from sleep inertia, so I definitely couldn't quite catch on quickly. Eventually, things led to things, and a heated argument erupted between us, prompting us to get into a shouting match and for me to release all my pent up anger on him, even getting physical and delivering a few blows to him thus further angering him. The incident left me with mixed emotions of confusion, sadness, trauma, and all topped with insomnia since I could not go to sleep for the rest of the night. The things he said to me during all this made assured me that he definitely didn't care about me, and that I was expendable just like all his other abandoned love-children... The feelings, it burns. It is when nobody says happy birthday. It is when family members say they love me yet don't show it. They don't know how to love me, and that is the same as not loving me. It is being alone at lunch. It is being alone and lonely all the time. It is spending hours online finding out how others managed to cope with the stinging feeling I get before I go to bed when my head starts spinning with all the evil truths that nobody cares about me. Sure, some may say they do, but who wants to listen to me talk about my passions? Who wants to help me out? Nobody... Nobody even wants to take time out of their day to spend it with me. It's reading books on how to make friends. It's moping for hours wondering why nobody even likes me, much less loves me. It's changing appearances and attitudes only to be rejected and alone and remain unloved. It's questioning who I am entirely, it's masking who I am and changing who I am and feeling like I'm crazy. It's wishing I could be okay with the fact that nobody loves me but it still feels like a hot hand gripping my throat and a heavy weight on my chest. It's replaying every comment in my head over and over. It's terrible, I can't talk with anyone about it because nobody cares. It hurts, God it hurts!

There was one thing during my time in high school that I could confide in, besides art and drawing…

Back in mid-2015, I remember working hard on a series called “Tails for Hire”; one that parodied the already-parody, Sonic for Hire. With the help of an online ally from Kentucky, I was able to finish it and upload it to YouTube that summer. At the time, my YouTube channel was nothing but cobwebs of old, rather second-rate videos. That was until the first episode of Tails for Hire was released. To my surprise, it garnered over 5,000 views the first week it was uploaded, and I was blown away by the good responses and relatively fair criticism. For the first time, I felt… significant! In retrospect, I realize that what lifted my spirits seeing the comments on my TFH videos was the fact that I had some company. Afterwards, my partner for the video, Tales499 and I talked fairly often, I made another (now former) friend on Skype from Norway, I had so many notifications of comments on the videos. I didn’t feel so alone during all this. I guess I wanted people to talk to and share my feelings with in order to quell my loneliness and compensate for my lack of friendships. I’ll admit, the internet was harsh at times with me, but I learn over the years (and now), that it’s a way of helping you grow thicker skin. This all might explain why I felt the yearning desire for popularity on different social media platforms. Though, I have to admit it does sound rather pathetic for me to console to people behind screens instead of face-to-face.

As some of you who know me from my YouTube channel, you’ll know that Tails for Hire is currently on an undeterminably long hiatus, as of June 2016. Currently, no return date was thought of, but don’t fret, one day… ONE DAY, Tails for Hire will return… At this point the hiatus is more of a hibernation.

Months later, after I finally graduated high school, leaving behind the four years of emotional torture I had endured, I was ready to head to university! Or at least, I thought…

I won’t get too deep into the details of what happened there, but I will say this—everything that I struggled with in my early-to-mid adolescence came to haunt me in university as if I was cursed. No matter how hard I tried to suck it up, I didn’t make any real friends or meaningful relationships in university. When I noticed all the other students at the school, I felt generally inadequate—it reminded me of all things that others are better at and how I'm don't have anything to offer anyone. At the end of December 2018, some of you might recall me making a status update on DeviantArt of me contemplating suicide, and that if I don’t post anything the next year, I might have actually gone with it… Few of you showed your concern… But, while I did appreciate it, I felt that people will only care when it’s too late… I’m sorry if I scared or confused some of you. If I EVER feel suicidal again, I’ll see it that seek immediate help.

Short story—public Safety, many counsellors, my roommates, and one of the deans had come to me saying how worried they were about my well-being after hearing reports of me acting strange and making suicidal remarks. This also ties into the fact that the way I've been feeling has caused me to occasionally miss some of my classes, not be able to focus well, and worst of all... develop some suicidal thoughts... I even explicitly fantasized of jumping off a roof or a window to kill myself! I'm sorry if all this info came up out of nowhere. Eventually, the Dean highly recommended that I be put on medical leave until it is decided that I'm fit to come back to campus. I wasn't too fond of the idea given that I worked so hard in coming to this school and at least tough my way through the first semester. But apparently, it's for the best... When others ask why I would even think to kill myself, the only overarching reason I can give is "I'm worthless!" When people notice that I've been OK for few days or acting normal, it's just that I've been manic. When I look at others, I always think of the things I can't do! I'm an artist who can even get noticed, I'm a guy who has never had many friendships that lasted long, I'm a wimp who can't work up the courage to confront others, I'm a university student on medical leave! All of these things and then some are what trigger thoughts of how my life is a joke! But somehow, during those times when I contemplated suicide, I actually felt free! Almost giddy, and that I could finally kiss this worthless life good-bye!

At the moment, I’m going through professional help and trying to keep myself busy during my downtime. Part of me says there’s no hope me, but part me says one day, I’ll be back to my old, wholesomely manic self again. Step by step… it just might happen.

Lately, I’ve tried to get back into the passions I once enjoyed, get the ideas I’ve had out there as if someone would want to see them. But, I still struggle in finding the motivation thinking of the very disheartening outcomes—low viewership, negative or no feedback, or just not feeling happy with the finished product. I sometimes look at my art and wonder if I can do better or it's good enough. I'm turned between both sides on that case, mainly because I don't have anyone else to share with me their well-thought-out opinions, instead of one-word comments or notifications where someone simply favorites something. Mostly due to my depression, almost everything I do in life seems meaningless. Because that's how depression works! No matter how good I (supposedly) am, I don't remember the good things about myself, I just over exaggerate the terrible stuff about me and it becomes who I am in my mind. No matter what I do, I'm not good enough for myself... But no, my fear of death and it being a one-way ticket are what stop me... I try to figure out what I have to live for and what ideas I have to share. It's really hard, given how I compare myself to others and how much success they've achieved besides me, and the negative thoughts are what cloud my mind no matter how hard I try to clear them. Then there's the days where I feel unimportant or under appreciated, as if I make no difference by staying alive. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world and that noone can stop me, and other and most days I feel nothing but pain. During those good days, I find myself surrounded by people who seem to care and be interested in me, but soon after the feeling wears off, and I just don't know why! In the time, I've written this, I've been feeling really low, as if noone would even care or bother to read this or be concerned with how I'm feeling. But as I finish and sign off... I kinda feel like a huge weight was lifted off of me. It felt good for me to let it all out, even if it is just typing it out. (Sigh)... If you've made it this far in reading the journal, thank you for reading and hopefully understanding. Once again, I'm sorry if this seemed overly dramatic, self-indulgent or just really heavy. But like I said, this was for me to get some of that heavy weight off me. Throughout half of this year, everything that has happened was really just too much to explain, too much to handle, too traumatically stressing, and generally just heavy... which is why I needed time off... Again, thank you for reading...

#depression #bullying #neglect #deviantart #ibatronic #art #hate #sad #loveislove #life #high school #suicide #recover

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rev-eeriee · 5 years

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So I made a twitter account.

This has been something I’ve been considering for a while, but tumblr has done the last straw. I simply cannot be active here much anymore and here is the reason why:

THE NEW HIGH CONTRAST LAYOUT GIVES ME HEADACHES.

It may or may not be the reason why I have been taking so long replying to questions. For that, I am sorry. I might still check in here here to post story updates and maybe reblog some cute art and funny memes, but for the love of god, I cannot stand browsing through this site anymore for more than one or two hours. I am sorry.

There are also other reasons why I chose to make a twitter:

1. My friends are over there. 2. I feel like I can talk more freely over there and be able to fool around more. 3. The artists there are so much easier to find and its so much easier to browse through their work. 4. THE CONTRAST DOESN’T HURT MY EYES!!!

Please do note that just to be safe, I’ve decided to make it an 18+ account. I’d really appreciate it if minors don’t follow me there. Not that I’m gonna go full horny there, but just in case. You guys know my content. It’s also going to be a more personal account too, with possible rants and updates on my life and stuff. Maybe even cat pictures. It’s still kinda empty now, though.

Also: I would hate to lose the anons that make my day, but it would also suck if I get headaches. So I made a curiouscat, where you guys can ask me stuff and I won’t have to deal with the horrible blue and white and green contrast. If you wanna ask me a question, I’d be grateful if you ask there instead! Links down below!

Twitter: https://twitter.com/rev_eeriee Curiouscat: https://curiouscat.me/rev_eeriee

#personal

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takealottodragmeawayfromreddie · 5 years

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I don't give a fuck about your personal morality

If you're glad Tumblr is doing this just because "it won't affect you because you don't consume adult content", you're a selfish asshole. Don't compare this to the LJ and ff.net bullshit, this is not "I wanna see smutty art of my favs uwu" drama, there's people who get their food on their table with this platform. People who haven't hurt anyone and really depend on Tumblr to literally LIVE.

If you're super against sexual work because it's usually exploitation of people who aren't doing it voluntary, let me tell you Tumblr is probably the only place where sex-workers do it freelance and because they want to do it. So, yeah, bold of you to assume that licking Tumblr's ass on this censorship policy is the virtual equivalent of punching PIMPs and ruining their business. The only business this will ruin is the one that belongs to regular, innocent people. And if you oppose to sex-work not because it's abusive, but because you're "más papista que el papa" (like we would say down here), let me tell you that taking others' way of living away from them must be the least christian thing ever.

But if you still don't care, well, they're not the only people who will get hurt by this decision. A lot of porn blogs belong to people who can't express their sexuality freely in the place where they live, who deal with sex-related mental illness such as sexual repression, who are sexually frustated and can't do anything about it. For a lot of people, this new policy means giving up their only safe space to enjoy and embrace their sexuality.

How do I know this? Because I'm one of them. I have been dealing with my sexual repression for years. I might never have sex in real life because of how heavy it is. I developed anxiety, body dysmorphia and depression because of this. My body is just too weak to have sex (I could get really hurt if I did it wrong), I can't stand nudity and intimacy, and my germaphobia turns any activity involving body fluids into a nightmare.

Lately, my panic attacks have been getting worse. A bad experience with someone I loved but who was extremely toxic to me fucked me up completely. I stopped eating and I can't sleep at night.

My 18+ blog was the only place where I could express myself and feel better with myself. It was the only place where I could feel wanted. Just one follower's praise could change my day fully and make me think, even for just one second, that I deserved love and pleasure, that there was nothing wrong with my body and my head.

Now I'm going to lose all of that. I can't just move to another adult content platform. Have you ever been in one of those? Those are real hellsites. The only place where I knew I wouldn't run into something I didn't want to see, where I could talk and enjoy my body with respectful people who cared about my boundaries and encouraged my progress... it's Tumblr. And now I won't have it anymore.

Do you honestly think this will help? Then maybe you aren't old enough to be here at all. The only things that will happen are:

Pedos and other disgusting people will find more subtle ways of get their shit pass under the radar (and we'll probably run into them more unexpectedly.)

Sex-workers, artists and people who really need to express themselves sexually will lose their job/safe space.

Again, pedos and other disgusting people will probably move to another platform. A far less popular and far more private one, where they can share their shit without the fear of getting caught/exposed.

Without a safe mode around, you might run into gorey/triggering stuff, including the adult content that will unavoidably pass under the radar. (Monitoring and giving people the tools to keep sensitive content out of sensitive audience's eyes is always better than banning.)

People will start moving to other platforms. Even your favorite writer or artist who doesn't post adult content might shut down their blog to give Tumblr a middle finger. Fandom death itself.

Tumblr will lose one of the only things that made it different from any other social media platform.

So, yeah, if you go for the "lol this won't affect me" approach, you're a selfish person who needs to re-think a lot of stuffn If you think this will help any real life child/victim of sexual violence/forced sex-worker, I feel bad for you. If you think Tumblr is doing this for the users, you clearly haven't heard of the App Store drama and you're too pure for this world. And if you feel as angry/hurt as me with the difference that you have money, move to Pillowfort (it looks amazing) and donate to AO3.

Seriously, if you want to keep just one thing of this rant with you, donate to AO3. Even if it's just one dollar. They genuinely care for their users and try to protect their right to express themselves. Show them some fucking love.

Please reblog, share and get your shit together.

#tumblr

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mermaidylluria · 5 years

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Warning to all you mers on Tumblr out there: The purge has officially begun. My account just got flagged, and the only things I have on here are my own event photos (which are all family-friendly & fully clothed), and mermaid art (both classical and new, some of which has an LGBTQ focus- and may, at times, *gasp* in some cases feature kissing). So.. just as a heads-up, the whole Tumblog censorship hubub is a real thing. My hope was that in a page FULL of mermaids, it would be obvious what the space was about- that it was absent of pornographic or ANY kind of child-endangering content, n’ be subsequently left alone. But it appears that’s not the case. So now that we know mer art is going to be targeted (after all, “NEKKIT BEWBIES, ER MAH GURD!!”), I suggest we all get ready to either defend our posts (via disputing flagged content), participate in some kind of (peaceful, preferably meaningful & artful) protest, or just leave the platform all together. 'Cause this tells me that they're not only flagging classical art, they're also trying to eradicate LGBTQ content, and NONE of that is okay. Personally, I’m going to do all 3. Fight and dispute, while making preparations to move my space elsewhere. Where that’ll be I’m not sure yet, but if we loose, I want a place for my mermaid stuff to go, and the demigods at Tumblr better be aware, I’m taking my decently-well-known bellydance n’ other blogs w/me too, if I’m forced to leave.

And just for my personal 2 cents on the matter? Dear gods, not ALL of the internet has to be child friendly. XP Censorship like that happening on YouTube, Facebook & now Tumblr stifles creativity (look at channels like Glam&Gore, who can’t barely do SFX makeup anymore because she keeps getting demonetized), silences valuable artistic and minority voices, removes audiences for burgeoning creators (who, btw, may NOT be engaging in pornographic content in ANY way), and forces narrow-minded, puritanical standards of "decency" (which are by FAR the minority), over others' ability to operate successfully in that medium. This smothers decent, AWESOME things like art, science, expression and SO much more. XS See, it’s not about the p0rn. It’s about the CENSORSHIP. This is the internet. It was designed to dispense and SHARE information, ideas, inspiration, fun, etc. Not be a surrogate nanny for your kids. XS

ANNNNYWAY, if you want to read more about what is and is not allowed on Tumblr now, you can visit: https://tumblr.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/231885248. (And be sure to read to the bottom, where users can find out how to appeal post & entire blog flags under the last 2 questions.) And if you have a mermaid blog where ANY kind of toplessness is involved, note that "female presenting nipples" is distinctly mentioned, which, as I'm sure lots of you already know, directly impacts classical AND modern art- one of the few things on Tumblr that can be shared WITHOUT a copyright, as well as a TON of mermaid art, classical and otherwise. XP

What does this mean? Well.. in simple terms, it means that stuff like Botticelli and Picasso are no longer welcome on Tumblr. It means that Reubens, Waterhouse and Rodin, if they have artistic interpretations of naked women in their work, cannot be shared on Tumblr. Even though their works are featured in international museums of the highest callibur, lauded all over the world as legends of innovation, vision, unparalleled beauty, & precision, expression & creativity, and world-famed for their social and economic value. Those.. are not welcome here now, apparently. Meanwhile, images & videos stolen from present-day & other modern hard-working artists, photographers, cartoonists, writers and other creators from allll over the world arrre hunky-dory. XP DaFUQ, Tumblr??? (At -least- they mention mis-attribution & non-attribution on their new guidelines now. That at least, is an improvement. X*)

But now.. let’s see how that’s directly affected my blog, shall we..? ‘Cause, as I mentioned before, I figured surely since I didn’t actually have any pr0n on my pages, I & other mer pages should be safe, right? BZZZZZZZT, WRONG. After getting this e-mail (pictured above), I went through my whole blog and found the 4 posts that were "flagged" as having adult content. *rolls eyes*

3 of them were reblogs &1 was an original post.

2 of those posts were queer-positive modern art.

1 was a photographic collection of pieces FEATURED IN "W" MAGAZINE,

And the last is a piece of classical style, queer-positive art. XS

One of the modern pieces doesn't even show nipples, just saggy bewbies COVERED with small seashells.

The other modern-style piece was a Rackham style drawing, where the tatas are but a mere suggestion of simple lines and dots.

One was shown in a INTERNATIONAL FRICKING FASHION MAGAZINE SPREAD, which was apparently suitable for SOMEONES' interpretation of public consumption,

and the last only shows suggestions & curvatures of breasts! (Showing the side and outer portions of the female chest, with no nipples. XP)

-And WHY AM I HAVING TO JUSTIFY THIS???? THIS IS ART. THIS IS NOT P0RN. Again I say "WTF, Tumblr????" XS

As you can see, 3 of my posts were reblogs, so I had no means of disputing those posts. (According to their new guidelines, the owner of the original post has to do that, and if they are found as having “inappropriate content,” there’s no further means of appeal.) But one of them, one of the very first posts I ever made in this blog, was an original, so I was able to refute its being deemed as inappropriate. FIrst, you have to go through allll of your posts to find.. whatever it is someone’s had issue with. (Whether it’s a person who’s flagged it or something chosen by Tumblr’s algorithms/keyword alert systems, I have no idea.) But they don't even bother to link you in your notification e-mail, so first you’ve gotta FIND what’s being flagged before you can repeal it. (I didn’t even know what I was looking for at first. They never specify. Would it be a tiny new icon near the Edit and Share buttons at the bottom? A wee little flag pointer, outside of the post itself..? Do I got to my posted page n’ try to find it? Or will it be in my Posts stream, & the whole post be red..? Who knows?) But eventually, after enough scrolling, I found what I was looking for. A big red bar across the affected posts. -And if it’s a post you can do something about, they give you a button to push on the designated "flagged" work, at the top right. After you hit the "dispute" button, you’re given a largely blank page. In the center, you get to choose between Dispute, Cancel or Learn More. No “tell us why you feel this should not be flagged, why it doesn’t violate our rules,” nothing. Nowhere to speak your peace. You just hit a button, and you’re done. You get no say, other than “I object, your honor!” NOT COOL, people. NOT COOL. You clearly don’t wanna hear the voices of your content creators, or, at least, enough to allow them to speak for the work they felt appropriate enough to post..

Reading this from another media source? Please don’t discount this issue if you don’t personally have a Tumblog. It doesn't really matter whether you use tumble or not, whether you think it's lame or not, etc. The problem is much, much larger than that, and it’s growing. This is another very large, social media platform that's being affected by censorship in the name of marketing- and thus, be child-friendly. They want the whole family to be able to come and see all the ads they wanna put here, and without that, they don’t make their money. So anything not child-friendly, even vaguely PERCEIVED as not child-friendly (by God only knows whose standards), is being wiped out from the whole platform. Don’t believe me? It’s happened on YouTube, on Facebook, and likely, many others. Do some googling and check it out for yourself. YouTube is a platform that’s being strangled by this phenomenon right this very second. There are videos on it. Go see. Now. ‘Cause if we don’t educate ourselves about this n’ do something to fight it, what’s happening to YouTube is our future. Not just here on Tumblr, but EVERYWHERE.

Big Brother isn't just watching, guys, he's stealing your open arenas for personal and creative expression, so he can better market to you & yer kids. He wants EVERYONE to buy his Stuff. And if the kids can’t see it here, they won’t ask mommy and daddy to go get it for them. So out classical art, and LGBTQ content, and mermaids go. Out the door. (Meanwhile, who do kids love?? UM.. MERMAIDS. HELLO!!! What should be educating them about history and the arts? UMM.. FINE ART, HELLO. Who teaches them about tolerance and diversity and SO MUCH MORE? Umm.. THE LGBTQ community! Who teaches them about what human bodies look like, and that it’s okay to have ANY kind of body? UM.. BODY POSITIVE ART, THANK YOU.)

We need to put the kaibosh on this somehow, now. Not just for Tumblr, or Facebook, or YouTube. We've got to find SOME way of letting the Big Boys know this is not activity we will tolerate. 'Cause the places to freely express ourselves are going to continue to diminish, get scarcer, and fewer.. until they're all.. gone.

ART =/= PORN, YOU IGNORANT, PURITANICAL, MONEY-GRUBBING FISHTITS. LEARN TO POLICE YOUR OWN CHILDREN, MORE EFFECTIVELY POLICE GENUINE CRIMINALS, AND LEAVE THE REST OF THE INTERNET ALONE. Please.

♥

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mc-apprenticedirectory · 6 years

Text

Just wanna talk about something...

I’ve been hearing from some fellow Discord and Tumblr friends that they and a few others have been getting massive anon hates from both recently and or a while back simply because of their own negative viewpoint on their own artworks, characters, and such. I don’t know fully on what or how this has happened but I want to point out that it really hurts me to see anyone... either on Tumblr, Discord, or anywhere else... become even more upset and depressed from all the negativity they have been getting.

I find everyone, their characters, and their artworks very VERY lovely and I will continue to love them and whatever they create no matter what. Even if some of the people themselves consistently don’t believe it to be true, turn down the compliments, or think that what they made is bad, I WILL STILL continue to love and support both them and their artistic talents because... everybody’s art and creations are amazing and deserve love and appreciation! I would really want to send out all my love to all my friends and followers and everyone who have been impacted by this because... sadly there happen to be those who do not understand at all about why some artists would look down or not believe in themselves.

Let this be a reminder to all who have been impacted with such negativity and anon haters (or have see their being affected by this) that we ourselves are entitled to think and believe whatever things we have about our own creations. Nobody can approach somebody and tell that they’re wrong, or it’s their fault, or what they shouldn’t say or do anymore, and so on regarding their art or whatever they create. And if any one of us see this happening to someone we know then we must be there to help and guide them out of this struggle. I really want to see every artist flourish and enjoy what they’re doing (even if the artist themself might or will think negatively about their own art and such) and let them express their feelings freely through their art.

I know this might not be the usual posts that I usually have on this blog but... I am really worried about my friends, followers, and anybody who may have seen or been through this or any issue of getting hate and negativity... I understand that it is very hard to overcome this and it really hurts me to see this happen to them. Such constant anon hate and negative criticism is what makes those give up on their creative interests and/or look down on themselves even more in the first place. These are really good-hearted and talented people who might feel that they do not belong in the artist community and I do not want to see them give up on what they love or what helps relieve them from any IRL stresses. If anything, I would really like to offer all of my love and support to them as much as I can, and let them know that there will always be people, including myself of course, who loves and care for them and their creations! It is seeing all your guy’s art that brightens my day (not to mention talking to you wonderful people).

And on a side note, in regards to some of the issues the mods and I have been dealing with over in the discord server lately... I would like to point out that I want my discord server to be a place for everyone in the Arcana fandom community can feel safe, free, and comfortable to be themselves and interact with the other people in the fandom... and also share and discuss about their own lovely Fan Apprentices as well. This server is still continuing to grow with more new people and channels... and has soo many kind and lovely people that I am truly honored to meet and talk to you guys there. My discord server invite will still be open and available to you guys if you are interested. And I am very thankful to my group of server mods/staff who are there to help me in running this server.

So that is what I have to say for today. I sincerely apologize for going on a tangent and if what I said might make anyone feel uncomfortable what-so-ever, I just really want to point out that I care a lot about my friends and followers and those who I talk to or see here, discord, or anywhere else... and I want them to feel free to be themselves and feel appreciated for their talents.

I wish you all a good and safe rest of the day, and I will talk to you all again tomorrow or later this week. C:

#fan apprentice directory #fan apprentice appreciation #other fan apprentice #fan apprentice #*everybody needs love and support and appreciation*#*i am happy to meet and talk to you all*

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yoosmekihyun · 6 years

Text

Big Spoon

Summary: Your friend is experiencing self-doubt and you comfort him.

Pairing: Jackson x Reader [appearances by other Got7 members]

Genre: Slight Angst, Fluff, Oneshot

Word Count: 1,844

Warning: none

A/N: I recently had a death in my family and I have been needing some of this care taking as well. I am incredibly blessed to have friends like @jeonjagiya who have checked on me and helped give me what I need as I move through this challenge as well as others that have happened in the last few months. This fic was inspired by a dream I had over a year ago and I feel like now is a good time to write it and post it as a form of therapy. I hope you all enjoy the soft Jackson feels!

This is dedicated to @jeonjagiya for taking care of me and encouraging me when I’ve needed it most. I love you so much, friend!

“How did you like the movie, Y/N?”

“Well Bams, I’m glad you asked. If you and Yugyeom would have shut up long enough to let me watch it instead of spoiling everything right before it happened I would have an opinion!”

Jinyoung began to laugh loudly at your response as BamBam’s mouth dropped. You patted him on the back as you headed to the kitchen for a refill.

“We were just excited to share it with you, Y/N!”

“I know you were, sweetie, but next time, let me watch the movie once before we have any commentary.”

“Okay, okay. How late are you staying tonight? Are you sleeping over this time? You can stay in my bed if you need to!”

As you walked back into the living room, you ruffled BamBam’s hair as you passed him to sit back on the couch. “That’s always sweet for you to offer, Bams. I think I should head home soon though.”

“You know you’re always welcome to stay when you visit, Y/N. You don’t have to go home every time, especially when it’s late like this. We’ve all talked about it and we worry about you when you go home this late rather than staying.” Jinyoung interjects.

Sighing you nod, “I hear you. I just really like sleeping in my own bed. You’ve all seen how cozy I’ve made it; I know you understand.”

They all nod at your response as JB yells from his room, “Just stay already, Y/N!”

Laughing you finally agree. “Okay, okay, I’ll stay tonight since you all insist so much. I know Mark and Youngjae are playing games in their rooms right now but I haven’t seen Jackson. Is he going to be home tonight or did he have to travel for a schedule?”

At this question Jinyoung frowns with a worried look, “I’m not sure. He said he was going to go to the studio for a while but that he would be back at a decent time. He’s been working on some solo tracks so he may have gotten some inspiration and opted to stay there tonight while he works. Since he’s not home, go ahead and stay in his room so you have some privacy and I’ll text him to let him know.”

“Are you guys sure? It seems weird to sleep in someone’s bed without their permission first.”

“Y/N, Jackson would insist on it, we all know that. There’s no use letting a bed go empty while someone has to stay on the couch. I promise it’ll be fine.”

“Okaaayyyy but if he gets mad I’m throwing you under the bus, Jinyoung.”

“I welcome the challenge, Y/N,” Jinyoung responds with a smirk.

You grabbed what you needed out of the drawer JB let you use to store toiletries and spare clothes for last minute sleepovers and got ready for bed. As you came out of the bathroom, Yugyeom bolted past you with a quiet “Thank God,” under his breath and slammed the door behind him causing you to chuckle.

Bidding all the boys goodnight, sans Jackson and Yugyeom, you closed Jackson’s door behind you. Looking at your phone, you opened the current thread you had with Jackson. He hadn’t sent you anything in a couple of days which was unusual for him. He typically sent you at least a puppy video or a meme once a day to make you smile and you always did the same. Frowning at the lack of contact with one of your closest friends you sent a quick message.

Hey sweetie. I hope your studio time has gone well today! I missed you at the dorm but maybe I’ll see you in the morning? If you come home late, just kick me out of your room. Jinyoung insisted I stay in your bed since you were out tonight. Don’t forget to be safe and that I love you!

After you confirmed your message sent, you flipped off the lights and crawled into Jackson’s bed. It wasn’t quite as comfortable as yours was but it was warm and smelled nice, just like Jackson. With a last thought about your friend, you drifted off to sleep.

A couple hours later, you jolted awake to a pitch black room in a state of confusion. Suddenly you hear, “Y/N? Are you awake?”

“Jackson?!”

“Yeah…”

“Do you want your bed back?”

“No, it’s ok. I can stay on the couch.”

And then you heard it. You missed it initially in your half asleep, dazed state. Jackson was sniffling and his voice sounded like he was trying not to cry.

“Jackson, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Y/N. Go back to sleep.”

“Jackson Wang, get your ass in this bed and tell me what’s going on.”

Sighing, Jackson pulled his hoodie off leaving him in sweatpants and a tank and crawled into bed next to you. Instead of cuddling like he normally would, Jackson laid on his back and stared at the ceiling. You turned on your side to face your friend. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness you noticed the tears trailing out of the side of his eyes and pooling in his ears.

“Aw, sweetheart, come here,” you said as you propped yourself up on the pillows. At your words, Jackson turned and wrapped his arms around your waist, buried his face in your neck, and began to sob freely. You didn’t say anything as you let your friend cry. You stroked his hair gently with one hand and ran your other hand up and down his back as you began to hum tunelessly.

You said nothing to your friend as you continued to comfort him as he cried out his feelings. After a few minutes of running your fingers through his hair, you began to gently scratch his scalp. Jackson once told you that his mother used to scratch his scalp and play with his hair when he was younger and it always made him feel better. Ever since he told you, you would comfort him like this when he was feeling down. However, you hadn’t seen him this upset in a long time, perhaps ever, and it concerned you more than normal. After his breathing began to regulate and you could tell he was no longer crying, you spoke.

“Are you ready to tell me what’s going on?”

“I think so,” Jackson’s voice was muffled as his face was still buried in your neck. “Will you keep playing with my hair if I tell you?”

“Of course, sweetie, don’t I always?”

Jackson lifted his face out of your neck and gave you a small smile in the dark. He adjusted himself so his head was resting on your stomach and he wrapped his arm around your hips. As soon as you were both comfortable, you used both hands to start running through his dark hair. You continued this for a minute or so before you began lightly scratching and massaging his scalp. At this, you felt him completely relax and heard him sigh.

“Now, Jackson, what’s got you so upset?”

Jackson tensed again for a moment and let out a big rush of air. “I’m scared.”

“What has you so scared, sweetheart?”

“That I’m not good enough to do solo work. And I keep getting asked if I’m leaving Got7 so I’m afraid I’m not wanted anymore. That I Got7’s don’t want me in the group anymore and that no one will like any of my solo stuff. Should I be doing this anymore, Y/N?”

You paused with your hands part way through his hair as you thought about the best way to answer your friend. “Are you still happy performing? Do you still like being in Got7?”

“I love performing but I worry that I’m not good enough. And Got7 is my family. I don’t want to leave them. I love making music with all the guys and performing and traveling with them. I just don’t want to hold anyone back.”

“Jackson, I’m going to give you some real talk right now and I want you to really hear me. Let me say my piece and don’t interrupt until I’m done. Can you do that?”

In a choked and small voice, he responded, “Yes.”

“You are so uniquely special and talented, Jackson Wang. Got7 would not be the same without you.”

“But--”

“I said to let me say my piece and not interrupt, Jackson.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jackson sighed defeatedly.

“There is no complete Got7 without Jackson Wang. Your personality is so bright and beautiful, it draws people to you. The other members become more confident when you’re around and they feed off of your energy. You’re a critical piece to the Got7 puzzle.”

At your words, Jackson squeezed you a bit and you continued.

“As for your solo work, I think it’s incredible how much talent you have to share with the world. You are only just tapping into Team Wang and who Jackson Wang is as a solo artist and you deserve to see where that takes you. I love that you are exploring who you are as an artist and taking risks. It’s what an artist inherently is at his or her core and regardless if it’s universally loved or hated, what matters is that it is meaningful to you. At the end of the day, you answer to no one but yourself and you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be okay with what you’re doing. Are you able to do that Jackson?”

“Yeah, I mean, I feel at peace and at home when I’m creating and performing. I want people to like it though.”

“I know you do sweetheart but not everyone will. If art is loved by everyone then you haven’t done your job properly. It’s supposed to make them feel things and sometimes people don’t like what you make them feel. And that’s okay.”

“How do you always know what to do and say to make me feel better, Y/N?”

“Because I’m your friend and I love you, Jackson. That’s how. It’s the same way you always know what to do and say to me when the tables are turned. Do you want to keep talking or do you want to sleep?”

“I want to sleep, I think. But Y/N? Can I ask one more favor?”

“Always, sweetie.”

“Will you be the big spoon?”

Chuckling you respond, “Of course. Now turn over so I can cuddle you.”

As Jackson moved to a more comfortable position that would allow you to wrap your arms around him, you saw him grinning in the darkness. Once he settled on his side, you turned and wrapped one arm around his middle and tucked the other under your head. As you both settled down to sleep for the remainder of the night, you placed a light kiss between his shoulder blades. At this, you felt him sigh and relax into you.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“Anytime, Jackson.”

#jackson fluff #got7 fluff #jackson wang #got7 scenarios #jackson x reader #got7 fanfics #jackson #big spoon #yoosmekihyun

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heartsofstrangers · 7 years

Photo

What has been one of the most challenging things that you’ve experienced or are currently experiencing?

“Currently I’m reexamining myself as an artist, as a photographer, and trying to gain the confidence to show my work and to feel that it’s valid, and to sort of revisit, or visit for the first time, why I do what I do as a portrait photographer.”

What inspired you to get into photography?

“My dad had a darkroom when I was growing up, so I was exposed to photography. My parents bought me cameras as I was growing up. I was an oil painter and a printmaker, and I always took art classes. I always took pictures. My senior year of college, the photography department started up where I was going to school, and I took the class and liked it—I loved it. I just needed more formal training, so I continued my education at New England School of Photography. That was almost thirty years ago. That was my foray into photography.”

How did you come across your niche, so to speak, of doing portraits?

“When I was younger, I always took pictures of my younger cousins, so I was always taking pictures of children, even as a child—I was a child myself—and they were always good. As I got older, I dated an actor who liked having his picture taking, and then I lived with a bunch of actors, so they needed tons of pictures taken. I was really good in portrait class when I went to school, so I went with it.

“It was always people I knew, but in recent years—not recent years—in this tech age, I’ve explored photographing people I don’t know, and it’s been a way for me to get to know people without really having to go through the traditional channels, like going to a bar, meeting at a party, or having to actually sit over coffee and talk. It’s a way for me to get to know people fairly intimately, and it’s definitely been a way for me to have a piece of people—which is a little embarrassing, but it’s true, whether it be a portrait or . . . Sometimes I’ll go to parties and I’ll hide behind my camera and just take pictures all night. It’s a way for me to have a piece of people.”

What do you mean by “a piece of people”?

“I have a representation of who they were at the time we were together. That’s sort of proof that we were together—see, we’re friends—and . . . I don’t know. Each person is different. Some people I enjoy having a part of them, a portrait of them; others, I couldn’t care less. The experience isn’t always great, but the time that we spent together is documented for me. I know, for them, it’s different, because I’ve run into models who don’t remember me as much because they were with me for an hour, whereas I have their face embedded in my brain because I’m editing, I’m studying anyway. It’s an interesting experience. In the world of social media, where there’s so much proof of the people that I’ve worked with . . . I don’t know.”

You mentioned at parties, sometimes, hiding behind a camera. Do you experience social anxiety?

“Oh yeah. Yeah.”

How does the camera help you with that?

“It’s sort of the same thing: It’s an excuse to approach people versus actual conversation, having to answer questions or having to listen to people talk about their children—no, scratch that, that’s off the record—talk about their lives—no. I guess it’s more me talking about myself. I sometimes will look at a restaurant, and look around at people and hear them talking, and I’ll say to my husband, ‘What on earth are they talking about?’ When you see people that are just blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, and I’ve always wondered: How do people do that? It’s the same way at a party, even though it can be a bunch of people I know. I don’t have the gift of gab in that situation. One-on-one I do, but not at a party; I get too tense. The camera is definitely something where the conversation is brief, and rather than saying, ‘Oh, if you’ll excuse me, I need another drink’, ‘I need to use the restroom,’ it’s ‘Oh, if you’ll excuse me, I see someone else over there to look at who’s more interesting than you.’ I don’t know. It’s during a wedding.”

So it gives you an opportunity to float freely around social situations with a purpose, it sounds like.

“Right. Yeah. And I end up leaving with the documentation that everyone’s gonna want to see, so I get even more attention. Let’s see Paul’s pictures from the party; post them on Facebook and tag me; all that stuff. But I do enjoy it.”

You mentioned growing up with your father and the darkroom. What was your childhood experience like?

“Oh boy. I had a wonderful family. My siblings are fantastic and we’re good friends. I did, however, have problems making friends outside of my house. I wasn’t sporty; I was a gay child, and I got picked on for it, and even the people I was growing up with in my own neighborhood—once you hit a certain age, I was shunned. The neighborhood kids didn’t want to hang out anymore, so I was a loner. It’s hard.

“It’d be difficult in this world of Facebook and Snapchat. I can’t imagine what it’s like for a child who’s lonely to live in this sort of climate. I would be devastated to see things that were going on and not be included. So it was hard, but, you know, I managed.”

What sort of impact did it have on you?

“I think it made me a person who has difficulty talking to people at a party. I’m paranoid. There are a lot of things, actually, that I notice that I do that are reactions to certain parts of the way I was treated as a kid. I always assume the worst in people. I always assume that people aren’t going to like me. I’m very uncomfortable around men, straight men especially, assuming that they’re going to make fun of me.

“It’s very strange as a 47-year-old, but I definitely noticed it recently, this summer after the class that I took that I’m sort of revisiting. I just am very aware of people and my fear of people, which is unfortunate, but I assume exploring it is the first step to helping get over it or accepting it. I don’t know. What was the question?”

How has it impacted you?

“I think a lot. I think too much. I worry. I worry what people think.”

How do you navigate your way through that, your paranoia or assuming people are going to hurt you or not accept you in some way?

“Sometimes I catch myself. This is an awful example, but this happened yesterday, while I was here. I was leaving the swimming area to go to the highway to walk to where I was parked. As I was walking down the highway, which isn’t incredibly safe, a big truck was coming towards me, and my immediate fear was that someone in the truck was going to yell out something derogatory, or anything: ‘Faggot! Get out of the road’, knowing where I had just come from: a gay swimming hall. I caught myself and thought, ‘Oh my God,’ because that would happen as a child: A school bus would go by, and I’d get spat on, or ‘Faggot’, ‘Fairy’, and it fascinates me a little bit because I’m seeing it, I recognize it, versus maybe two months ago or in the past, I would have just felt afraid but not really acknowledged it, just waiting for the truck to go by, but now I’m like, ‘This stuff did impact me.’ I think it’s good that I recognize it.

“When I’m driving, I’m a very defensive driver, and I think that also stems from when I was younger. I learned to just calm down. People aren’t tailgating you because you’re gay, or because you’re someone they dislike; they’re just bad drivers. Stuff like that. So I, hopefully, am giving people the benefit of the doubt and opening myself up a little bit more, and not being afraid, because it’s a waste of time.”

Were there times when that anxiety was unmanageable or overwhelming?

“When I was in college, I didn’t sleep, I was on medication. This was the early ’90’s. I had panic attacks every night, and it was horrible. Horrible. The medication at the time—I don’t feel I need medication now, nor do I want it—I think at the time it was sort of a beginning. Doctors were testing out different types of drugs, and at the time it was Xanax, and I just remember having a panic attack on Xanax and it felt like it was a panic attack but in slow motion, and it’s like, this is not helping at all, because it just made it last longer. So honestly, the panic attacks ended when I was—I don’t know, I guess I was out of the relationship I was in. I don’t know if it had anything to do with him personally, but they subsided. I’ll still get one occasionally, but nothing like that. Ugh, it was awful. Awful.”

What does a panic attack feel like?

“To me, it feels like I’m in real life and things start to get faster and faster, and then keep going, and get faster and faster and faster. Nothing is really changing, but in my mind, everything is sped up. I also feel like my brain—or my mind, not my brain—is being held by this thread to my sanity, and at any second, that thread could snap and I could just sort of go into a black hole. When I did have the panic attacks, I was in therapy, and one of the things was breathing exercises, breath in, all that stuff. It felt like things got fast and fast and fast, when there was a side of me that could see that everything was still. Nothing was moving or going fast.”

What are some of the techniques that helped you? You mentioned breathing. You mentioned Xanax didn’t really help, just slowed it down.

“I don’t remember. It’s sort of thing I felt like I just had to go through, and little by little, it went away. Maybe I got used to it. It was probably just breathing. Especially at night, I would wake up and gasp, in complete panic. I don’t want to say I outgrew them, but I managed them. I don’t remember. I just remember, little by little, it subsided. I felt fine.

“I still get them occasionally. I noticed I get them when I’m hungover. I hated that. Especially if I was driving on the highway the next day after drinking too much. It wasn’t like I was—I don’t think—drinking more than anyone else, but it was a symptom, it was something my body chemistry was just like, ‘No.’ You’re dehydrated. Whatever alcohol does. It’s a depressant. It would make me depressed, it would make me dehydrated, and it would give me a panic attack. So that definitely changed, because I don’t want to have those anymore, where I can place what the cause was, especially alcohol. Beyond that, I guess I kind of grew out of it.”

Did people in your life know you were experiencing these attacks, and how did they respond to them, or to you?

“The first one I had, I felt like I had no sense of control. I was with my partner at the time, and I just flung out of bed. I felt like the whole world was spinning. He was a very nurturing partner, at the time: ‘What can I do?’ But it was the kind of thing where any sort of talking, ‘You need to shut up. I can’t talk.’ Or, ‘What does it feel like? Tell me what you’re going through.’ And you can’t. It’s sort of beyond that. Describing it made it worse; it sort of validated it. I think my parents knew. I mean, I was in college, and I did see a therapist who prescribed the drugs, so he knew. I don’t remember. It was a long time ago.

It sounds like your peers who picked on you in school had a very traumatizing effect on you that has carried on into your adult years. It’s funny, because—well, it’s actually not funny—there’s a saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” but names and words do hurt, and they do last. They become part of that audio tape that plays in our brains long after we’ve removed ourselves from those situations. What were some of the events that stand out in your brain that really had an impact on you? You mentioned being spat on from the bus and being called names.

“There were periods with every school year. Once I hit fourth grade is when it all started, because I feel like, at that age, little boys have to start becoming little men, and I was not. In junior high, changing in the locker room, eighth grade, there would be a group of boys on the other side of the lockers that would spit over and I’d be covered in spit. It was disgusting, absolutely disgusting. They’d pee on me. It was awful. It was so ridiculous.

“I used to always get sick during gym class, and I’d end up at the nurse, and then finally the gym teacher, Mr. Hill, pulled me in his office and asked me what was going on. I couldn’t tell him. I remember saying, ‘I don’t feel good.’ I think he was trying to get it out of me, but I just did not feel safe. Who would want to go into a locker room when they’re getting pissed on, and spat on? Just horrible, horrible kids. Really. Those were problematic, and that was when I made the decision that I didn’t want to go to the public school anymore. I just wanted to start over, and I knew I had the option. I went to private school, even though I told everyone my parents were making me. I needed out.”

Was private school any better?

“The physical abuse was gone. I didn’t get pushed into lockers, I didn’t get peed on. Actually, once I did, Freddy Wallace, this little shit, he knew it was wrong. I got picked on like twice, and I remember this one time, this woman who is still a friend to this day, thirty years after the fact, a guy picked on me, and she told him to knock him off, and she was a cheerleader, so he kind of looked at her and went, ‘All right.’

”But yeah, it stopped. I was unable to talk. I couldn’t socialize. I was too afraid, too damaged by this point. I did join the drama club, and I was on the swim team, but socially, every weekend I was alone. It was hard. I knew it wasn’t healthy. I knew I wanted to be around people but was afraid, but it was better than the alternative of being in the public schools in my hometown and dealing with the bullshit that happened there. I felt safe. Safer.”

Did you parents know what was happening?

“Yeah. My mother taught at the junior high I went to, and they didn’t know what to do. They didn’t know the full extent, no; I didn’t tell them I was peed on, that I was basically gay-bashed. How do you admit that to your parents? Which was why when I said I wanted to go into another school, they were like, ‘Okay, let’s get you out of here.’ My parents were very non-confrontational back then, and I think it was just easier to say a prayer. I’m sure that’s what my mother would do, say a prayer for me that I would be okay. I don’t know. I don’t believe in that, so whatever.”

Were things better when you got to college? Had you come out?

“I went to college for a year before I came out of the closet, but I did make friends. I drank way too much. I pretended to be straight, but who the fuck believed that? I would hang out with this woman who lived in a different living area, and I would come home to my dorm room and the people on my floor thought I was hooking up, and I just went with it. I drank a lot, which was not good.

“The summer after my freshman year, I fell into a group of people, and we all worked at the mall together. Three of them came out of the closet, and it was sort of my wake-up call that okay, this can be done, and I’m gonna do—plus I was completely in love with one of the guys, and I couldn’t hold it. I had to tell someone. I was 19.”

What was that experience like for you, coming out?

“Overall, good. I had good friends. There were people who let it be humorous because I was flamboyant and, quote-unquote, ‘obviously gay,’ which doesn’t bother me, but they made me laugh at myself. ‘Oh really, Paul, you’re gay? Glad you finally found out.’ They were good friends, a few from high school, a few from college.

“I was in the art department, and I started hanging out with the guy I had the big crush on ’cause he was coming out, and he wanted to just go full-force. He wanted to date. He wanted to have sex. Not with me, unfortunately. I still was paralyzed by stuff that had already happened, thinking that people would like me, but it certainly was easier to not have the element of being gay-bashed by other gays. Now it’s just being judged for my haircut, stuff like that. Or music I listen to—that’s always a big thing when you’re 19.

“My parents didn’t take it well. My sister came out of the closet about a year before I did, and that was very damaging for my mother. It was an angry period as far as my relationship goes with my mom.

“I dated. I was pretty much married, my first relationship. Had I had more fun the way the guy did, I don’t think I would be what I am today, obviously not, sleeping around, or dating a lot. I had one person who made a beeline for me. I was flattered, thrilled, and I went for it. I said, ‘Okay, you like me? Then we should date. You like me? We should move in together.’ And then that unraveled. And then I did it again for 12 years. ‘You like me?’

“But my parents came around. I had my sister as an ally.”

Were your parents religious? You mentioned your mother praying.

“Catholic.”

Catholic, okay.

“My coming out was ’88, so being gay back then was AIDS. The two were synonymous, and it was scary. We weren’t educated. So for my mom, when she did finally acknowledge it, she said, ‘Does AIDS mean anything to you?’ To us, 25 or 30 years later, it seems so foolish, because AIDS should mean something to everybody, but back then, that’s what it meant to be gay: You would die of AIDS. So that was difficult, but it was an education.”

Have your parents since turned around?

“Oh yeah. Yeah.”

What was the catalyst for that? Was there one?

“I remember when my mom—I don’t know what year it was—there were two events that I saw in my mom. She was a hospice volunteer, and she was with this one guy for a long time as far as hospice care goes, Herbie. I really feel that her experiencing the deaths—I mean, she lost parents, but I think—she’s never talked about it—it was such a hands-on thing that she kind of kept her religion to herself, respected me and my sister. I started dating someone new who was sort of welcomed into our family, more so than the first boyfriend. David was sort of —he made money. He lived by the books, so I think my mother was relieved: ‘Oh, he’ll be taken care of.’

“But then also my sister, who was in a relationship, adopted three children, and I definitely think that changed my mom, because those kids are just as much her grandchildren as my biological nieces and nephews. They were the first grandchildren, and I really think it was a wake-up—I mean, my mother didn’t need to be woken up at that point, but it kept her going on the path of loving her children and not giving a shit anymore about the whole gay thing. Yeah, it would be nice, but I think she finally saw us as just normal people.

“Since then, I went through a divorce and I started seeing someone new, and when my new partner and I got married—I’d never been officially married before because it wasn’t legal—but this was it. This was the real deal. My parents were there, and I think they’re thrilled with my partner and my husband. My mom is one of my best friends. She’s come around, and I think she’s lucky to have two gay children, because I think her life would be somewhat limited, not as exposed to people and lifestyles. I hate that word, but by her having two gay children, her life has opened up. Again, at the end of the day, there are three children that my sister is raising, and those kids were meant to be in my mom’s life, and my mom, I think, knows that too.”

You mentioned a class or something that you took this summer that helped you sort of reflect on some of the trauma, maybe, that you still carry. Talk about that.

“Having to examine my work as portrait photographer is what the class has forced me to do. I was afraid before the class that the reasoning, which I do believe has to do with my childhood and the stuff I went through. Now my portraiture is a means to get to know people; it is connected. I felt that, as a 47-year-old, it was somewhat trivial, that there are more important things in life. Get over it. Live your life. Move on.

“But I’ve accepted, or I’m beginning to accept, the idea that my artwork is an important part of who I am, and that where it came from is important as well. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s fascinating to realize—I mean, I’m not obsessed by it or anything, but I do find it important to, as an artist, and to understand other artists, revisit the things that made you who you are.

“So that’s what the class has done, and it was very important for me to talk about it and be validated by the other students but also the teacher, who is someone I have so much respect for and I admire. He said, and I knew this about him, that his work has a similar path. His work is about his relationship with his dad and growing up gay, and exploring that for himself. It really made me realize that it’s okay, and it’s necessary.

“The bullshit of the world, the Donald Trumps or whoever, is still going to exist, and there are going to be horrible things that happen, but maybe, maybe, my work will help someone who either is experiencing similar stuff, and maybe it will change my interaction with the people I work with. I don’t know; I haven’t gotten there yet. Or who I choose to work with. I think sometimes I choose people and think, ‘Well, this will get me on the popularity path for sure,’ but then I realize that it’s such a boring road. It’s been fun and unnerving, but necessary, and I’m glad I did it.”

So where do you find yourself now in your life and your career of photography and your relationships?

“I think I’m still going to keep working the way I work, because I enjoy it. I like the way I work, I like the way I approach people. I definitely like trusting my gut. Sometimes I’m wrong about people I choose to have in my life forever, but sometimes I’m right, and the experience is wonderful.

“What I want to do is focus on those, though, because a lot of times I look at my portfolio and body of work and think, ‘I have a fantastic picture of this gentleman I photographed, but I know that it doesn’t really mean anything to him.’ Versus a year ago, I brought a gentleman here and we did this series of photos. It was such a nice experience. It was definitely give-and-take, whereas the other model was more about, ‘You’re going to make me look good, right?’ What the fuck does that mean?

“So I want to focus on the people who give me something, too, who are part of the whole experience versus just being a model. It’s tough, because there are certain people that you photograph, and they create good exposure. They’re hot, or they’re sexy, and people like that, but I really want to focus on people who might not necessarily feel that way about themselves. Let them experience a photoshoot, or let them be the center of attention, not worrying about how they look.

“It’s a tough call, because one side is business and the other is personal. Social media, if I post a picture of a hot guy in the ocean with a nice ass sticking out versus a slightly overweight woman whom I find fascinating and beautiful, the attention goes to the hot ass. I know that, but I don’t always want to have to go there. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s fun, but it’s been done before. Where does it lead? What’s the point?”

So what makes your photography of males, or anyone, different than what has been done before? What do you think makes your work different from someone else’s?

“I don’t know if I can be the one to answer that. I know for me, it’s different because it’s me, I’m the one creating it, I’m the one looking, I’m the one sort of immortalizing this person who’s in front of me. The feedback I get sometimes from people, like in this class I took this summer, this woman said to me, ‘There’s something about your portraits that you capture the spirit of the subject. And I’m like, ‘Ah, wow, great.’ I’m trying to think, off the top of my head, of a contemporary who works the way I do, but I don’t know anyone who works the way I do, who will hit people up on Scruff and meet for a photoshoot. That’s how we sort of connected. But using social media as a way to meet people for subjects. I certainly know of other photographers who photograph people, but I just think my work is a little more personal, a little more intimate. I hope collaborative.

“I’m thinking of one photographer in particular whom I met in P-Town last year. His work is lovely, and it’s sexy. We’ve definitely photographed the same people, but there’s something sort of generic. It’s all about the sex with his pictures, whereas mine, I’m more drawn to eyes and what a person’s thinking. There’s sex in my pictures. If it’s there, it’s there. There’s no escaping it, but I want more than that. I want the viewer to have an opinion of the subject beyond, ‘Oh, he’s hot.’ And I think I do that. I hope.”

Sounds like you’re looking for more depth than just a hot subject.

“Yeah. I’ve found that I would sometimes pursue certain subjects because they were hot, because it’s fun, but some of them have just been the biggest disappointment. No substance. I mean, good exposure online, because of their hotness, but recently I did a photoshoot of the guy out at Herring Cove, this gentleman Eric. He’s adorable. He’s so sexy, but so nice. I felt so comfortable with him and we worked so well together. When that happens, it’s like, ‘Wow, this is fun.’ But it doesn’t work with everyone. Same with any job I have. Some brides I click with, others I don’t.”

It sounds like photography is a lot about connecting with the subject and connecting with your audience as well.

“Mhmm.”

What are some of the most valuable things you’ve learned over the years, having grown up repressed or bullied in a lot of ways, having found a way to communicate your message through photography?

“I’ve learned to make photography my own. When I used to interview for weddings, I would tell the story of when I was younger, I would go into my grandmother’s basement and see her old photographs and be really entranced by seeing my grandmother as a nine-year-old in Dorchester, or to see my mom receiving her First Communion, just old pictures. I loved it, loved it, loved it. I would say to potential wedding clients, if they would ask me why I was a wedding photographer, why I’m a photographer in general now, is the idea that someday, fifty years from now, no matter what the picture is, or if it’s a wedding album, that some kid fifty years from now could come across a series of my pictures and be so fascinated by the people in them, whether it be, ‘Wow, they look so 2010,’ through the fashion, or . . .

“I don’t think I’ll be around to fully understand what my photography could do. I’m hopeful it brings people, when I’m gone, a sense of people who are here now—not that everyone is a fan of that, but I was. I know there are other people who are as well. So I know that I am creating that sort of legacy for other people to enjoy, whether it be my nieces and nephews now, or their children.

“I guess I just keep learning to accept that my true feelings toward my art are valid. That was one thing I used to say all the time, and I didn’t always believe it; it got me jobs, though. I remember one bride was really touched by it, and just thought that was beautiful. I agreed; it is beautiful, but not everyone sees it, but I still say it, to this day, because it’s true.”

What have you learned about yourself through these experiences?

“I believe I have a good instinct with photography, especially in this day and age, when kids can have an iPhone and you can take pictures of anything and have it recorded. I believe I have an internal instinct as to what works—lighting, compositionally—the stuff that art is looked at for. I’ve learned that about myself, and I’ve learned to let my instinct take over. A lot of shoots, I’ll say, ‘I’m overthinking; I’m overthinking,’ and as soon as I do that, I let it go.

“I’ve learned I’m funny, that I can get along with people, that I’m helpful for people. Growing up, I don’t know if it was the gay thing; I don’t want to say I was asexual, but I wasn’t super sexual, and I was afraid of that side of me. I’ve definitely embraced sexuality and had fun with it. It’s different. It’s such a spectrum of what that means. Certain things I’ll take pictures of, I’m like, ‘I’d do that,’ whereas even fifteen years ago, ‘I’m not doing that.’ Now I’m just like, ‘Fuck it, I’ll do it.’ I’ve learned to have fun with my work, and it has been fun, almost every time. It’s always fun. We as photographers are lucky that we have this medium. It’s an accessible medium, and it’s a fun medium.”

How is your self-esteem today, many years, many decades after having that damaged and crushed by being bullied and picked on?

It’s always in need of repair. I’m still not there completely. I try not to care as much. I embrace my solitude. I think as, someone who was younger, teenagers, twenties, even thirties, there are expectations of what you’re supposed to do socially, how many friends you’re supposed to have, and that is what defines you, but now as someone in my late forties, I very much enjoy being alone, and it’s okay. My second partner David once said, ‘I always had this panic because there’s always a big party going on somewhere in the world, and I was afraid because I wasn’t invited.’ That was sort of this air that I had about myself, but then my new husband basically pointed out, ‘But if you were invited, you wouldn’t go.’ I’m like, ‘You’re right. I wouldn’t go.’ I realized that just because you’re invited to the party doesn’t mean anything.

“I learned to embrace my own company, and I like it. I have tons of JPEG files to edit. I’m happy being alone and not to quote Marilyn Monroe, but she once said, to paraphrase, I don’t mind being alone; I just hate being lonely. When I was younger, I was definitely alone and I was lonely. Now I’m alone lot, but I’m never lonely, ever. There are people in my life I can call upon, and it’s a different life.”

What advice would you have offered to yourself as an adolescent? If the adult Paul now could somehow whisper some message of hope or advice into that child’s ear, what would it be?

“Not to worry so much. Being alone doesn’t have to mean that you’re lonely, or that you will be lonely. Through most of my childhood and, again, in my twenties, I remember this sense of panic over certain situations, and I don’t think I’m the only one who lives this way, but we sort of make life out to be like a movie: There’s a beginning, there’s a middle, and there’s an end. I think my junior high years, the beginning, the getting picked on; the middle, getting spat on and beaten on; but in the end, it was me being free and going off to a new school, but there was no end. Life keeps going, and I think when I realized that the idea of, not to sound cliché or quote Dan Savage, but it gets better, and it does get better if you believe it can. I would tell myself, ‘It will get better.’ Don’t take things so seriously. Embrace yourself as an artist, which I wish I had done at a younger age, not just someone who’s blessed by God. I think that’s what I’d say.”

You’ve already mentioned a couple of quotes, Marilyn Monroe and Dan Savage. Is there a particular quote that resonates with you, or a bit of advice someone has given to you over the years that you reflect on often?

“I’m trying to think of something profound, like the speaker at my graduation or something, but no, I think I just gather stuff over the years. The older I get, words like that mean so much more than they did when I was younger; they didn’t quite resonate. Having Marilyn Monroe as someone you quote is a little tragic, because you know . . . but yeah, nothing in particular.”

Is there any other quote that you’d like to share in this interview that you like?

“No. No, I don’t know.”

How about a song lyric?

“A song lyric? Oh goodness. I don’t know. The songs I’ve been listening to since the class . . . A lot of times, I’ll create slideshows in my head of my work, sort of like a music video, so I’ve been thinking about stuff from when I was younger, so the songs I’m listening to are from that era. I’ve created music videos to one song, the Cars, Drive: ‘Who’s gonna drive you home tonight?’ Always thought that was a cheesy song, but I listen to it and I think, oh my God, I remember it was released in ’86. That was a very difficult junior year of high school.

“No, I don’t know. I don’t really.”

What does that song mean to you, besides the nostalgia of the year?

“Well, the lyrics I think are about: ‘You can’t go on thinking nothing’s wrong. Who’s gonna drive you home tonight?’ For me, it was about who I was going to be with. Back then, I would stay after school, and I lived so far from the school, and I had to find someone to drive me home, but that’s a little too literal, but now that I’m older: ‘Who’s gonna pick you up when you fall?’ ‘Who’s gonna hold you down when you shake?’ And in my head, I have a slideshow of images I’ve taken and especially with the self-portrait series, just me chasing after people. Who’s gonna comfort me? Again, very literal. But I think it’s okay to take art and enhance the drama, a little bit. So, the point being, these are lyrics I’ve been listening to.

“I’m really into the song, which I really love but don’t want to use in the slideshows, Oh Father by Madonna. The song is definitely about the relationship she has with her father, but for me, it’s about my relationship with God and men in general. In men, period. ‘You can’t hurt me now. I got away from you.’ There are lyrics I’d love to incorporate, but I’d never want anyone to think that—my father was great. So again, these are lyrics I’m listening to.”

Would you consider yourself a spiritual person? It sounds like you’ve removed yourself from your religious background or upbringing.

“I don’t know if I always practice it, but I do believe in putting good energy out into the world. It sends forth good energy. If you do something nice for someone, then that person will do something nice, guaranteed. That’s what I believe. I can’t say I always practice it, but that’s sort of the core of my religion.

“I don’t really believe in heaven or hell or afterlife. This is it, and when you’re gone, you’re gone, but I believe while you’re here, there’s so much anger that it’s our job, whether it be driving a car and not tailgating, or just smiling at someone, it’s simple things, saying hello to the person at the grocery store. Stuff like that. Again, I don’t always practice it, but I hope that I will. Just doing simple good things for people is the best way to go.

“Do I believe that God punishes people in Italy and therefore throws an earthquake at them? Absolutely not. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it, to nothing, there really isn’t, so while you’re here, why not put out good energy? There’s no guarantee that you’re not gonna walk out and get hit by a bus.

“There’s this photographer who, although I love his work. I would call him a contemporary, even though I think, business-wise, he’s a little bit more successful. I don’t know the full story, but while he was on a photoshoot, he slipped and fell. He was high up, and he broke his back and he’s paralyzed. This has been documented on social media. I haven’t been able to look. The point is not to say that he deserved that, but to look at that person and say, for me, be nice now. Enjoy life, because it could have been me. And how would I handle that? How would I handle being paralyzed? And as a photographer, I certainly wouldn’t be here in a wheelchair, so appreciate things that are happening now, and try to make other people feel good. That’s my spirituality.”

You touched upon a lot of important things that I think are a part of anyone’s faith, spiritual, or religious practice, hopefully, which are being in the present moment, practicing gratitude, and kindness. Love and kindness. How has it felt to share these thoughts and experiences with me today?

“Great! You’re so easy to talk to. I knew that the first time I met you. I don’t feel like I’m in therapy; I feel like I’m sharing myself as an artist with someone who I feel is an artist, so it feels great. I feel great.”

Do you think it’s possible, by sharing a little bit of yourself today in this interview, that you might inspire or give hope to someone else out there who can relate to any piece of your story?

“I hope so. Someone could hear the story and appreciate my work a little bit, so that could affect them somehow, or they could be in a similar situation and feel the same way about themselves as an artist, and that can help them. There are so many ways that people help, that I view people—I hope so. Again, what’s the point?”

#anxiety #heartsofstrangers #everyhearthasastorytotell #photojournalism #courage #vulnerability #photographer

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