hello, terf. i call you a terf because not once, in all the asks you sent to both vrooms and me, did you ever object to being called that, which gives me a pretty clear indication that you know you are a terf, and even more despicably, are happy to be one such. let that be your moniker then, while i tell you a couple of things that you're due to hear, given your audacity in coming into my inbox to slander my friend.

i won't publish your vile ask. it is full of outright lies and slander towards my friend, and it's also filled with the disgusting biological essentialism and dimwitted logic that your kind likes to use to pretend that your bigotry and hatred are justified. i also want the option of blocking you if i so choose :) i will, however, reply to some things you've sent, both to me and to vrooms.

firstly, you absolute piece of shit, vrooms is not a "she". their pronouns (they/them), are in their bio, and this misgendering that you continously do throughout all your asks is the first disgusting clue as to what kind of person you are. (a lousy one, if you haven't gotten that from what i've already written. you can also attach hateful, loathsome, vile, wretched, etc.)

secondly, the fact that you had the audacity to come into my inbox to slander my friend tells me two other things; that you don't know anything about me, and that you aren't very bright. both are a detriment to you, i guess.

thirdly, the fact that you came into my inbox 24hrs after your little terf jerkfest in vrooms' inbox with this bullshit tells me you don't have much of a life, which makes sense. i wouldn't want to spend any time around you and your hatefullness either.

fourth, learn how to argue. learn how not to eat your words in the span of a single sentence and you might then realize that everything you've said is absolute nonsense. you came into an inbox of a psychologist and someone who studied medicine and you're arguing biological essentialism and cognitive differences with us? not the sharpest tool in the shed, huh.

fifth, i saw all your asks. they're as stupid and as nonsensical as i would have expected from someone who subscribes to terf ideology. pathetic.

sixth. if you're going to lie and accuse people of things, maybe don't leave a written trail that can be screenshotted and put out for everyone to see and judge for themselves.

seventh (i like seven, it's a cool number, so it will be the last) - fuck off. fuck off and unlearn your hatred and your bigotry and do some actual work on not being a waste of space and oxygen that you now are, and try and be a better human. because you're a pretty shitty one now.

top 5 skz songs to sing along to? and top 5 of your favorite dishes? and top 5 songs you’d like han jisungie to cover in full? sorry for sending fifty billion things i just love your insights and would love to hear your thoughts and opinions 💖

aah ana ilysm ok cracking my knuckles, lets go

top 5 skittles song to sing along to:

1. Topline (always and forever, i screamed so loud i nearly passed out)

2. Cheese (click clack, bang)

ur gonna laugh at me for the rest of these but

3. wolfgang (graaow we go wild)

4. gone away (ssshhh dont tell anyone that i like a skz ballad)

5. miroh (its a must, stray kids woo)

favorite dishes

1. bolognese pasta (am i 5? maybe)

2. bibimbap (i love how everyone makes it a little different, i love the variety of flavors, i love how indulgent it is without being super greasy)

3. frankfurter grüne soße (‘green sauce’ its technically a super simple dish, its usually just served with eggs and potatos. but its very specific.

theres herbs in it that are barely used nowadays, very old german cuisine vibes. and if you get the ratio exactly right and the herbs are in season it has such a delicate and specific flavor. a little sweet, a little mustardy, very refreshing. it’s hard to describe. also is excellent with white asparagus and young potatoes (in season at the same time) or surprisingly a really ripe avocado. anyway its hard to find most of the year in most of germany but since i am from frankfurt its a matter of pride)

4. sashimi or maybe a really good ceviche (i love raw fish but ceviche has become such a trend thing that its usually just not great here)

5. can i just say salad? like maybe its bc its getting hot but a really nice salad maybe with some haloumi or avocado or some grilled fish and some really nice bread is sooooo good.

ok top songs i want hanji to cover. now this is why i put this ask off for so long top 5 is SUCH a high bar to clear. ok that being said though i have some directions i would looooove him to explore.

(for convenience, a shortlist without my rambling:

1. kacey musgraves - golden hour/slow burn/ butterflies

2. the internet - get away | just sayin/i tried

3. paramore - misery business

4. arctic monkeys - leave before the lights come on/do me a favour

5. the strokes - is this it)

1. intimate acoustic guitar country songs like kacey musgraves did on golden hour (god i was obsessed with that album) this whole album has such a sunny warmth to it, and such a specific cleverness in the songwriting i think jisungs voice would just be so pretty on it. my top choices would be butterflies or golden hour or slow burn i think

2. jazzy, slow a little funky rnb like the internet used to make (rip to that band i will miss u forever) plus their breakup songs have a pettiness that just gels with jisungs vibes so well. i wouldnt really want a straight cover but like if he put some additional vocals and a little laid back rap verse on get away or just sayin/i tried uuuugh a perfect fuckin idea.

3. obvious one but paramore misery business but i would accept any of their like. earlier actually kinda emo stuff.

4. self indulgent but my favorite arctic monkeys song is leave before the lights come on i would LOVE to see what he does with that OR possibly do me a favour. again, petty but like… suuuuch great storytelling that i think would fit him

5. the strokes is this it idk i just think its a lazy existential dread/petty relationship sort of vibe that would fit him if he was allowed to make music like that lmao kind of similar vibe to those arctic monkeys songs but this is just the music i grew up on so i am biased

(if i could be self indulgent with songs that DONT fit him i would love to see him do patti smith because the night OR like. a fuckin hole song like doll parts OR theres this korean dj/producer(?) called cifika who did a remix for seulgis solo and i would loooooove to see him work with someone like that, her stuff has turned very futuristic and moody/dark lately OR because i cant /not/ mention him make the boy do tougher than the rest by bruce springsteen, it would be the cringiest fuckin thing in history and yet…. if he put his own production on it…. could be a vibe)

Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

Xefros' Daymare

Well my dudes, I already wrote a fanfic about Dammek having a daymare, so this time Xefros is the one to have a daymare.

Some Background Information: This takes place after the events of Hiveswap, wherein Xefros and Dammek leave their lives on Alternia behind to start fresh (Joey is the one to persuade Xefros into coming back to Earth with her) and stay in Earth. They are now living at the Half-Harley Manor with Joey and Jude. Now that Dammek and Xefros don't have to do Dammek's rebellion, Dammek now devotes his life to spend time with Xefros and has learned how to treat him right (especially after getting yelled at by Joey).

Additional Notes: Dammek and Joey are kismesis, and Xefros and Dammek are no longer moirails, but matesprits instead.

Characters: Dammek, Xefros, Joey (mentioned), Jude (mentioned)

Ships: Xefros ❤ Dammek, Xefros ♦ Dammek (mentioned), Joey ♠ Dammek (mentioned)

Warnings: Red Dammek/Xefros, since some people don't like them being shipped red.

Story below the cut! Enjoy me writing at 4 in the morning :)

Ever since Joey was able to convince Xefros to come to live on Earth with her and her brother, Jude, he has been much happier with his now matesprit, Dammek. The two were able to reconcile after Xefros broke off their Moirallegiance for a few months. They recently got back to dating and officially became matesprites. Xefros had flushed feelings for Dammek since the very beginning, but decided to never tell him in fear of being told that Dammek didn't feel the same and would reject him. So Xefros was extremely surprised (and relieved) when Dammek revealed to Xefros that he indeed felt the same. Since they're no longer having to rebel against Trizza, Dammek now treats Xefros right and they spend a lot of time together.

---

It was a peaceful night at Half-Harley Manor. Everybody was asleep and the manor was a quiet as can be. Dammek and Xefros share a room together and share a bed. Dammek was sleeping just fine, but Xefros was whining softly under his breath in his sleep.

---

Dammek: xeFros, we have to talk.

Xefros: sure! what is it?

Dammek: so i've been thinking...

Dammek: about our relationship together.

Xefros' bloodpusher sank. Uh oh...

Xefros: oh... uh...

Xefros: really?? X:O

Dammek nodded.

Dammek: yes.

Dammek: i think...

Dammek paused for a sec, breaking eye contact with Xefros.

Dammek: we should break up.

Xefros covered his mouth in shock.

Xefros: what?

Xefros: w-why?

Dammek: xeFros, you know i like you a whole lot, but i'm not always gonna have time for you!

Xefros: b-but you said youd always have time for me...

Dammek: that was then, xeFros. things change, y'know?

Xefros' eyes started to well up, burgundy tears threatening to run down his cheeks.

Dammek: i'm sorry, xeFros, but we're done.

Xefros: dammek please

Xefros: dont you DARE leave me!

Xefros was full on crying now, grabbing Dammek by his hoodie sleeve. Dammek was refusing to make eye contact.

Xefros: i-i love you!!! im IN LOVE with you!

Xefros: please!

Xefros: i dont want you to go

Xefros: i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i lov-

Xefros was interrupted when Dammek suddenly yanked his arm out of Xefros' tight grip, which made Xefros fall backwards onto his back. Xefros yelped in pain.

Dammek was now crying as he leaned over Xefros' body currently on the ground.

Dammek: enough!

Dammek: i said we're done! what part of that are you not getting, huh?!

Dammek: just leave me alone, dammit!

Xefros was still laying on his back, looking up at Dammek with blurry vision. Burgundy tears are now violently falling down his cheeks and onto the ground below him. Xefros only whimpered in response to Dammek shouting at him.

Dammek: ...goodbye, xeFros.

Xefros' eyes widened when he heard this, swiftly jolting up into a sitting position, ignoring the pain in his possibly broken back. Xefros suddenly started to scream at Dammek's now disappearing form as Dammek was walking away from Xefros.

Xefros: DAMMEK!!!!

Xefros: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMEK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME PLEASE!

Xefros stopped screaming when he realized Dammek probably can't hear him anymore. He lie back onto his back as he cried silently to himself.

---

Xefros awoke with a scream.

Xefros: DAMMEK!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, Dammek started moving frantically in the bed, jumping to his feet.

Dammek: xeFros?! what the Fuck happened?!

Xefros was crying.

Xefros: d-dammek?

Dammek turned around to look at Xefros with wide eyes. Dammek got back up into the bed and nestled next to his matesprit. Dammek grabbed Xefros and held on tight.

Dammek: yeah, i'm right here babe

Dammek: what happened?

Dammek: tell me everything, ok?

Xefros was still crying, but he felt a little better with Dammek holding him tightly.

Xefros: i...

Xefros: i had a daymare

Dammek pulled back from Xefros slightly, looking at Xefros with his beautiful eyes. He had no sunglasses on, which gave Xefros a good chance to look into his eyes, which were glowing green because of the pitch darkness that they are sitting in. Xefros is the only one Dammek allows to see him without his trademark shades on. Dammek is extremely insecure about his eyes, which is why he wears them, but Xefros thinks Dammek's eyes are beautiful. Xefros even prefers seeing Dammek without the shades on. "my eyes are only for you, baby," Dammek has told Xefros.

Dammek: a daymare? about what?

Xefros: y-you dumped me...

Dammek: ...what?

Xefros nodded.

Xefros: you said you no longer had time for me...

Xefros: i-i tried to atop you from leaving me a-and you...

Xefros had to gulp and take a deep breath. Dammek rubbed Xefros arms up and down in reassurance.

Dammek: it's okay. tell me more baby.

Xefros: ...y-you started to scream at me telling me to leave you alone and i screamed and screamed for you but you wouldnt come back no matter how loud i screamed...

Xefros: i just...

Xefros: dont want you to leave me!!!!

Dammek jumped at Xefros' sudden shouting, but quickly recovered and sat up a little and straddled Xefros' lap. Dammek put one finger underneath Xefros' chin, forcing Xefros took look at him. Dammek was scowling.

Dammek: hey.

Dammek: look at me, baby. listen carefully For me, ok?

Xefros nodded.

Dammek: xeF, you know that'll never happen. i'll always have time for you. i will not leave your side, no matter what happens.

Dammek: i am not perFect, but i really am trying. i love you so much, always have. even when i was treating you like shit.

Dammek: of course joey would try and convince you that i didn't care about you, and you believed her and you dumped me. you realized that we were meant to be together, so you came back to me and we started the relationship from Fresh.

Dammek: but joey was right about one thing. i was not a good moirail to you. sure i cared about you, but i was too caught up in that stupid rebellion to give you the time we should've spent together. i was selFish. i was bossy and put you through dangerous shit, not caring about the consequences. i hurt you so many Fucking times but you never realized it because of how much you looked up to me. i took advantage of that because i knew you'd always come back to me. jude helped me realize a lot of things, xeFros. he helped me realize that a TRUE Friend wouldn't do the things i did to you. i am glad i came to earth. if the portal wouldn't have activated, we would still be rebelling and i'd still be treating you like shit. hell, we wouldn't even be matesprits right now!

Dammek: so in short, i was a shitty person who didn't treat you right.

Dammek released Xefros chin, putting his hand on Xefros' waist.

Dammek: you are literally the best person in my liFe, you always have been. even back then.

Dammek: i love you so Fucking much, baby. you have no idea.

Suddenly, Xefros shifted and pushed Dammek down into the bed and into the mattress. Xefros was covering Dammek's face in kisses. Dammek laughed.

Dammek: xeFros!!

Xefros made his way from Dammek's face to Dammek's throat, splaying kisses all over there too. Dammek gasped a little, wrapping his arms around Xefros with a growl and bared fangs, as if to protect him. Joey and Jude didn't wake up to Xefros' screams. Dammek didn't really have a reason to growl and show of his fangs like that since Joey and Jude mean no harm at all. He still kinda thinks Joey means harm, but he guesses this is normal since they're now in a black relationship. But Dammek still does this whenever anyone harms his friends.

Xefros stopped kissing Dammek's neck. Dammek still has his arms around Xefros. Damnek buries his head in Xefros' neck, purring.

Xefros: thanks, dammek

Xefros: i feel so much better now...

Dammek's reply was slightly muffled, but Xefros understands him anyways.

Dammek: anything for you, baby.

Dammek and Xefros part.

Dammek: wanna go back to bed?

Xefros: sure

Dammek smiled as he got under the covers with Xefros. Dammek opened his arms for Xefros so they can cuddle. Xefros purrs and quickly accepts Dammek's embrace. Dammek pulls Xefros close to him, kissing Xefros on the lips. They locked lips for a few seconds before they broke the kiss. Xefros buries his face into Dammek's neck before finally closing his eyes and falling asleep. Xefros is so grateful to have Dammek in his life.

Aaahhh I’m so glad you liked my explanation!!! Explaining my perception of like, stuff that’s. Beyond? I guess, human understanding is one of my favorite things, and I really enjoyed it, so knowing you enjoyed it too makes me happy! Also I like to imagine that, technically being a God, Chuuya is one of the only ones who can,, Actually? Perceive his Full Form? And I like to think that he’d find it adorable. (Nyanon, 1/7)

Like, it’s all typical eldritch horror from the farthest ring (in tiger kitty form) but Chuuya’s IMMEDIATELY trying to give the giant fluffball chin scratches. Also also I like to imagine that Dazai’s ability works. About as well as it works on Lovecraft? So he gives his dramatic speech and turns around and expects to no sell the tiger when it hits him because Atsushi would just turn back, right? Right??? (Nyanon, 2/7)

But no, that doesn’t happen, and Dazai gets whacked with five hundred pounds of fluff. And I’d imagine that Atsushi is a Baby Abomination, so he doesn’t always have good control? Usually around the full moon, hence the ADA trying to find him. Anyways, listen, no one can say no to pictures of tiger kitten Atsushi. If they try, Fukuzawa will find them. And when he does... Well, no one knows what he does to them, but everyone ends up with a love of cats, especially ones with stripes. (Nyanon, 3/7)

Moving on, though- I’m glad you liked this AU! It’s mainly just a cute, feel good kinda thing, with some “Atsushi and Dazai pseudo-raising Kyouka together” thrown in for good measure. I could definitely imagine her making her tiny surrogate parents a tiny room to share together? Like, you know those little fairy houses, or the little books made in shelves and drawers? That kinda thing! And if there’s only one bed... Well, what’re they gonna do, yell at her for being thoughtful? (Nyanon, 4/7)

But, moving on (again) to my next, technically not new since I’ve mentioned it before, AU Concept: The Monochromatic Moonlight AU! I don’t think I’ve said much on it, but to pull off a quick summary- At the age of either eleven or twelve, Atsushi’s ability goes haywire due to the abuse he suffered from and Shibusawa’s influence. This is something that even Dazai can’t reverse, once they meet, so he’s stuck in his “monstrous” halfway form. (Nyanon, 5/7)

His sclera are yellow and his irises are violet, and his skin is paler and striped with black, like a tiger. In addition, his hands and feet resemble paws, even possessing paw pads and claws, a pair of ears has replaced his human ones, he has the tail of a tiger, and much of his body is covered in a soft layer of white and black fur. This means that he can’t even try to blend in with others without almost completely covering himself up- Or at least, he doesn’t think he can. (Nyanon, 6/7)

He thinks he looks horrifying. And with nowhere to go back to, all he can do is... Well, wander. And along the way, he picks up other people who are unwanted. I don’t have too many solid people, yet, outside of Lucy and Kyouka, but I know that everyone decides to go by animal names. Because I want them to. Sorry for rambling, by the way, this AU is. One of my favorites, whoops. (Nyanon, 7/7)

yooOOO CHUUYA SEEING THRU ATSUSHI IS SO CUTEEE UWUWUWU <333 dazai would be pissed but secretely enjoy that he cant affect tiger sushi uwuwu

kyouka would definitely make the tiny fairy house with only one bed and atsushi would feel too bad to say anything and dazai would be too much of a lil shit towards atsushi to complain or say anything smh

OWOWOWOWO I LOVE YOUR AU!!!! and him having liddol paw beans on his fingers AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA he would be so sOFT bet u dont even see his fur but then u stroke his arm or whatever and B A M ultimate softness. atsushi would try his best to cover himself up >:(( but everyone else (dazai and kyouka especially) will be like nOOOOOOOO LET US SEE YOUR CUTE ASS. the fact that he picks up other “strays” is so cute as well ugh found family will always be my weakness (maybe Q can also be one of the strays owo?? it would be a whole feat wouldnt it- nobody managed to “tame” Q except for atsushi and Q listens to nobody else EXCEPT atsushi)

AND DONT BE SORRY SMH I LOVE YOUR AU AS WELL

New Beginnings Are Good For Everyone Ch.5

Waking up the next morning was one of the easiest things she ever done, which was weird because she hated monday mornings so much. But getting up and going through her morning routine just to make sure everything is right before she heads out for her first day as member of the Chicago PD Intellgence Unit. Kim had a little extra pep in her step and she was happy about it because it hadnt been there in a long time. She grabbed her jacket & keys ready to walk out the door. She stops for coffee to make sure that doesnt hit a wall in the middle of the day.

Kim walks into the station and she sees Sargent Platt, she decides that the best thing to do is to talk to her and to see what she is suppose to do. She stands there silently as Sargent Platt finishes the conversation with the officers in blue. When Trudy looks up and notices Kim she tells the officers to move along. She welcomes her back and asks if she is ready for her first day.

Kim replies happily that she was more than ready to prove herself to everyone. She kept small conversation with Trudy until Trudy looks behind her and notices one of the members of the Intelligence Unit.

Upton?

Yes Sargent?

You know Agent Kim Burgess?

Yes I know Kim

Well would mind buzzing her upstairs with you just until we can get her into the system.

Of course, follow me Kim and show you where you are going to start spending most of your time

Oh I cant wait.

I promise you that will change, I love my job but you have no time for a personal life.

I guess that it is a good thing that I am a woman focusing on her career right now and not a romantic relationship.

They carry on with their conversation with their small climb of the stairs, Hailey walks her to Voights office and wishes her good luck even though she knows she will see her in just a couple mins.

Kim welcome to your first day as a memeber of intellgence, just want to go over a few things while we wait on the last couple people to show up. He starts going over the rules and not that there was many rules but he lives strongly by the few rules that he has.

Kim has noticed that Hank Voight is not your normal Sargent but she wasnt wanting normal she was just wanting to serve justice for the city of Chicago. She continues to listen intently to what Voight is saying taking everything he was saying to the heart so she knows what not to do to get on his bad side. I am going to give you a few weeks to study everything, I have set up your test in two weeks for you detective exam. The moment finally comes to where he asks if she had any questions

I will make sure that I study up on everything that I need to know so that I can pass the test of my first try. I say things like that so I can keep it in my mind that I will pass the test and that I can do anything I put my mind to.

I know that everyone is partnered up with someone, I was just curious who my partner was going to be? I know that no matter who I am with that I will have a great partner. This team just seems like they have each others back no matter if they are actually partners or not.

That we do Kim we are family here, Whatever one member of the intellgence is going through everyone feels the pain, I know that it is weird to say buts it true. We have our fights like any of family but at the end of the day we will have each others back no matter what.

That is exactly what I want because at the FBI yes it was everyone worked as a team but at the end of the day everyone was only watching out for theirselves and if they had the chance to do it they would throw someone under the bus in a heartbeat. That was until Erin came I knew that she would have my back no matter what and she was the only thing that I was going to the miss about it and that was it.

Good to hear Kim, he looks out the window and notices that the whole team is here. Come on lets go out to the bullpin and I will let everyone know all at once who you are going to partnered with.

The door opens and everyones eyes looks toward the door and sees Kim and Hank exiting, Hank finally speaks up, So as everyone of you know Agent Burgess as of today is officially a member of Intellgence and I think she is going to be an amazing addition to the team and I want you all to make her feel at welcome. So as of today Burgess you are going to partnered up with Halstead, Upton you will be with Ruzek and Atwater you will be Olinksy.

Hailey showed Kim where her desk would be, which was actually her old desk. Hank liked the partners to be close to each other that shows they can work as a team not only on the street but in the close quarters of an office.

The first couple hours was kind of quiet just everyone going over cases they had been working on. When Voight walks out of the office and catches all of their attenion.

We have a case, We are looking at a small drug smuggling team that is somewhat new to the city, and one of the leaders of the team is trying to look normal or something because he has a nine to five job and he doesnt live in these high priced homes to make it not look so obvious but the others, they are staying hid very well because there has been no trace of any clues as to who any of his partners are. This is Lorenzo Lopez he is best known as Enzo.

Kim finally looks away from the file in her hands and takes a look at the picture hanging on the board, and her eyes go huge. She looks over a Jay and they share this look knowing that this was the neighbor that Jay thought was very sketchy. Voight must have caught onto that look, cause he questioned them.

What is that look the two of you just shared?

Well it turns out that he lives in our building and right next door to Kim. He just moved into the apartment a few weeks ago and he seemed kind of sketchy but I never really thought anything of it.

Kim was just lost in her thoughts that she didnt really hear the conversation that was going on. Until Jay tapped her shoulder to get her attention. She slightly jumped that never happens, she just thought that she left him in the past and now she was going to be apart of the team to send him to prison and honestly she cant say that she was upset about it. It was one of the main reasons that she left him she knew that the business that he was in wasnt legal and there was no way in hell that she was going to let him mess up her career.

Kim are you alright?

Yeah, Im just thinking about someway, anyway that we can take him down.

Jay wasnt buying it but it was her first day he wasnt going to push the boundaries just yet. So he just let it go for now.

Halstead you and Burgess go talk to your CI'S and see if they know anything about this. Everyone just keep digging into his past and see what you can dig up.

Kim heard the last sentence and knew that she had to tell someone about her connection to the suspect before someone actually figured it out and wonder why she didnt tell them, so who is best to tell then her partner.

They get into Jay's truck and head out and she knew that if she didnt talk about it now that she never would. She lets out this deep breathe

Jay I need to tell you something.

You can tell me anything. Im here for you

Its about the suspect that we are looking into, you know last night when I said something under my breathe about our sketchy neighbor

Yeah, what about it?

Well, what I didnt tell you is that I know Enzo very very well

How well?

As in we were together for over a year

What?!?!

Yeah, when we first met he was normal like any other guy but then the longer that we were together its like I just didnt get the same vibe from him that I used to. When we would spend time together I would feel uneasy that something could go wrong at any minute. So after that night I just told him that I think that it was best if we seen other people and that I didnt see a future with him. Lets just say that he didnt take it the best and i had to end up moving somewhere else but a few weeks before I found out that I got the job here I felt as if I was being followed and yet somehow we end being neighbors. I didnt want to think nothing much about it when I first set eyes on him but it just seems like he found out from someone that I was moving here and just thought that maybe if he lived here first that I wouldnt think nothing about it.

Kim you definetly have to tell Voight about this

I know I just didnt think that I would ever see him again

Even though you never thought you would see him again doesnt change anything he is our main suspect and you could be the reason he is in Chicago and that may actually lead us to him, I would never actually make you do anything that would put you in danger I hope you know this

I do know this, but whatever helps put him behind bars quicker I am willing to help

Jay talked to a couple of his CI'S and they were not much help, So they started back toward the station when Halstead got a message with an address to meet the rest of the team. As they arrived they seen the team surrounding something on the ground and as they made it to their side they seen that it was a woman who couldnt have been not much older than 25 and she was laying there with a cut throat.

Do we think that this has anything to do with Enzo and his men? Kim questioned

We wont know anything until we get the autopsy back. Says Voight

Sarge is there anyway that I can have a word with you

Yeah, sure

They walked far enough away that nobody would be able to hear what they were talking about. She told him everything that she told Jay and hoped that whatever she told him would help.

Kim I know that wasnt easy to say but I am glad that you told me before we had to find it out on our own and then it would have looked bad on your end and looked like you were hiding something.

Thats what I thought and Jay told me that I should tell you right away and I feel so much better now that I did.

They join back up with the team and all head back to the station. Once they make it back to the station  everyone gathers around the board and Voight feels the team in on everything you told him and they tried to figure out what was the best way they could get his guards down long enough for someone to get into his place to bug his apartment or even his phone.

Kim was the first person to speak up.

I think we know the only person that he is going to even let into his apartment is me

Kim you dont have to do this...Voight and Jay say at the same time

Your right I dont but I know that this is my job and that it is the right thing to do. You could always be close enough to that if I feel threathened that you will be right there.

If you are sure that you want to do this then we will do it

Its the furthest from what I want to do but its what I know needs to be done.

Alright everyone we will put everything in motion tonight. So get ready

Kim cant believe she is the one that thought of this but I think in the end its the only thing that would have made sense, Its the only way they will be able to bust him 

Possibilities/Comparisons & Differences & Parallels with -A

ok so this might be a bit of a thing so im gonna put the read more thing BUT IMPORTANT THING: in what you read below the read more line, i am putting it out there bluntly and truthfully as i have said and feel outloud as well as told others this same line because they are believers in this doctor who is real thing: I never have nor do i nor will i ever want someone else’s place in life let alone their spot, if you want to call it, in another’s life. Each person is their own and you cant change who you are, you can’t be someone else because you’re not them. Whatever and Whoever I am, is all i want and like anyone believing any of this is real, i too want to be completely in all/any of their lives, even if its just working along side, spending time with and developing any sort of relationship with them here on Earth. Anything more than that, I am here for them and other loved ones in anyway they want. If that means traveling and people want me along or working for any such organizations, i accept that but i dont expect it. I am myself and all i want to know if what and who I fully am as time passes.

I will say this again: these are possibilities, comparisons, parallels. I am NOT stating these as facts and i refuse to come off in any such way that puts me in a selfish negative light. Anyone is entitled to think however they feel off the things i put below the read more, i am merely just stating things ok? ok.

NOW, parallels and comparisons and differences and possibilities you may ask, with what or who? Clara Oswald, the Impossible Girl.

1) Where Clara lost her mother when she was young but still has her dad, i lost my dad when i was young but still have my mom.

2) the dream of the real version of the 11th incarnation of the Doctor in the backyard of my house, the adventure action that ensued, we were running together in the direction of the woods and he said in a urgent/desperate tone of voice with seriousness “You need to remember me Clara” or have to but it was words like that & it was just me and him in the dream.

3) we look eerily similar in most if not all aspects.

4) Where she was an only child, i have 5 older brothers and 1 older sister.

Note: taking the differences into account, there is this theory that they exist so that the similarities wouldnt be noticed and the differences would make it far fetched, names changed and things to protect the truth ya know? 

5) with waking reality to sleeping realoty, the sense of having an old soul and living/having countless other lives too / with Clara being impossible??

6) from meaningful blogs to quotes to songs to videos that pop up in ways they dont make sense to be showing themselves because anything viewed it appears with, they are completely unrelated to each other/ they keep popping up and with this THEORY, especially with CLara, Clara & the Doctor, especially the line “You are the only mystery worth solving”

7) with number six: Clara, things involving the Tardis and this life being mentioned when said videos and other stuff are completely unrelated to each other.

8) in public, hearing ‘Clara’ by others.

9) her whole thing with ravens {those and or crows} are the most kinds of birds constantly seen, heard by me and are around me.  {other birds too but relative to other meanings they stand for} {the meanings of seeing and hearing these birds, themselves}

10) everything with the leaves : fall/autumn has always been my favorite season and i always see more big leaves then the little ones, especially the ovate leaves and the maple leaves, especially in orangish redish brown colors. This ofc the leaves thing when it comes to Clara.

11) Where she was going to be a teacher and going between options before choosing, i did the same thing but i chose something else ; i had wonderings and thoughts about being a teacher and people told me that as a suggestion like they could see me doing it. And whenever i thought about it, i thought about doing the younger kids which is what Clara did.

12) Like with 11, Where Clara babysits and is good with kids, i have babysat and being an aunt, i have been told im great with kids and would be a good mom.

13) the kind of aura/vibe Clara would give as an old soul/restless/always here or there/here but not really here/countless lives/etc: A person who believes in this doctor who is real thing , is also really intuitive says and went into detail about how and why i give off that same vibe and how she only ever felt it from one person before, but who was that person?

14) were eerily similar in personality / things we say / act/carry ourselves, ideals and beliefs.

15) the dream with the Eleventh Doctor with him telling me “You need to/have to remember me Clara!”... what if instead of the Doctor forgetting, i forgot as he intended?

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This will be part 1 but additional information to add will be in a future part {s} bc i don’t want this one too long.

S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world. 

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet 

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh] 

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :( 

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/ 

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged) 

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4: 

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call? 

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho.... 

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

College Advice

My brother was like, hey if you have any tips… So i wrote this! And then thought, there’s lots of people on tumblr just now going to college too…

Theres nothing in here about covid or making sure you have enough money– because i dont know anything about being a student during covid and i wouldnt give the same advice for getting money to everyone (and i wouldnt always know how anyway). I assume in the advice that the reader has enough money, because my brother does. That makes a big difference! Someone struggling for money wont have the bandwidth or time, probably, to do a lot of the stuff i advise. Edit: ugh i forgot, this is about US schools, specifically liberal arts US schools. Sorry about that!

Also, I didnt feel right taking the affection out of it once i decided to share it publicly. Help yourself! I may not have as direct an interest in your life, but there’s nothing in there i wouldnt wish for anyone going to college right now. (there’s also quite a bit that I think applies to anyone regardless of whether they do college or not).

Hi ******!

College Advice:

Work: No matter how important your work is or how much you have, take at least one day off a week. No schoolwork or working for money or any kind of work at all that day! (if it works better for you to take a half-day here and there instead of the whole day, that will do). More than one day is preferable, but there may come times when you have So Much To DO that sacrificing your free time doesn’t seem so bad and even one day off feels like too much.

I’m sure you’ve had plenty of this already, but people will keep telling you (by things they say and don’t say) that what you accomplish is the most important thing. It is not. What is most important is up to you– but I think it’s being your own authentic self. That’s complicated of course, but it boils down to: you already have everything you need in yourself, and keeping in touch with what you really truly want and love comes before everything. 

If you flunk out of school and all your nightmares come true and you still remember who you are, I will consider you to have succeeded. (but if you do forget– and so many things conspire to make you forget!– I will still be proud of you). 

GPA: It’s not the same as it was in high school! I won’t get into specific numbers because different schools have different ways of calculating it, and different rates of gpa inflation etc. It’s mostly bullshit. Unfortunately, if you want to go to graduate school, it is bullshit you have to pay attention to, but even then it’s not as all-important as it was in high school. You don’t need a 4.0, not even to become a doctor or a lawyer. A 3.5 or 3.6 is plenty for the highest ambitions, especially given that you’ll be doing extracurriculars. 

I would advise keeping half an eye on the numbers, and not straining yourself for even one additional 0.1 above your target, whatever you decide that is. If you decide not to do graduate school, you honestly could get any GPA as long as you don’t end up on academic probation (which i think goes on your permanent record? Or maybe not. I was on academic probation my last semester of senior year and i’m still not clear on whether it’s on the transcript somehow). After college, people only care that you have your bachelor’s, not what your grades were while you got it. They mostly won’t even care what the bachelor’s is in! It’s very strange, after all the work you’ve put in! (many of them only care that you had the money to go to school, very disappointing)

Extracurriculars: I did a lot of different ones, and still don’t feel entirely qualified to advise about them, because I hated most of them. My mistake was doing things I thought I should do instead of what I wanted to do. I think you should do what you want, even if there’s no existing group for the thing you want to do, for a few reasons. 1. You should enjoy yourself! Having fun is a very serious matter! Keeping the joy of living alive in your heart will make living feel worthwhile, of course, but it will also give you courage and the power to stick by your principles and keep pursuing your goals. 2. It doesn’t actually matter to graduate schools WHAT you did for extracurriculars; what they’re looking for is evidence for what kind of person you are, and they judge that that’s shown through HOW you do your extracurriculars (with commitment and integrity etc) rather than which ones you do. (even so, don’t let the “commitment” part keep you stuck in a soul-sucking activity!)

Choices: You’ll be told you’re supposed to choose your major on a certain timeline, do this and that and everything to very specific deadlines, all very proper. Of course, the more deadlines you meet, the easier things are. But on the other hand– human beings are not machines. You’re allowed to change your mind! Even after you were supposed to be sure! It’s much better to listen to your own misgivings and really look at them to figure out what you want as soon as you know they’re there rather than pushing them down in a panic because you’re not supposed to have them. If they’re ignored, they won’t go away, and they’ll eat at you, and one day they’ll ruin things. (this may be what midlife crises are made of). 

Friends: I know you have an established way of having friends, very different from mine, and that’s a good thing! I also know a lot of people take going to college as an opportunity to finally allow themselves certain things. There’s all kinds of takes on this, from putting on a poorly-done accent to binge drinking to coming out. It’s much better to stretch your legs this way than otherwise, I think. We need all the autonomy we can get! 

My advice here is: trust yourself. Listen to even your very quiet instincts. They’re there for a reason. You may elect to ignore them, but consider them first, and reject them afterwards if you must. The extreme end of this is Having A Bad Feeling. Listening to that has saved me from some sticky situations! A more mild form is the weird feeling of dissonance between you and an old friend. There are many reasons you may feel that, but unfortunately, in college, one of the most common reasons is that you’re becoming different people who aren’t so suited to being friends as your high school selves were. It’s painful! At the same time, it’s okay to love someone and not be together forever– but I suspect you already know that!

The one thing I would absolutely forbid is isolating yourself. It may seem impossible from where you are now, but that’s what I thought at the beginning too. College is a weird place, not exactly school and not exactly work and not exactly home, and it’s too easy to slip into anonymity. Tell your friends how you feel, good or bad! If you feel like you’re imposing on them, impose!! If they love you, they will prefer inconvenience over learning later that you were in pain and said nothing.

How to Learn: It’s true what they say, that teaching is the best way to learn. Your peers may not always welcome this– I was rather disliked in study groups for always explaining the answer, before I reined it in a bit (things were still awkward unfortunately! possibly for other reasons lol). Of course, other people’s jealousy isn’t your responsibility, and you may sow discord with your brilliance with my full blessing. If you’d rather not do that, my advice would be to become a tutor and/or TA in the subject(s) most important to you at your earliest convenience/whenever they allow you to. It really does make you an expert!

Humanities: They’re going to make you read a lot. Excessively, some might say! You’ll learn which readings are actually necessary to pore over, which ones you may skim, and which ones you may skip altogether. Please don’t feel guilty for not always doing all the reading! Almost no one does all of them. I didn’t even do all of them, and I was a stickler for Doing It Right.

Papers: my tricks are the Purdue OWL website (for brushing up on grammar, looking up how to do those goddamn finicky citation styles, seeing examples of finished papers in those styles), outlining, and rest time. Leaving time between drafts of a paper helps a lot! (that being said, I will be very surprised if you make it all the way through college without turning in at least a few first drafts. It’s not the end of the world, and if you’ve got a knack for it, the professors may not even know the difference! Very amusing). Reading through what you’ve written out loud also helps, however silly it may feel. It has to do with how your brain processes information, and hearing what you’ve written is different enough from seeing it that you’ll be more sensitive to errors and weirdnesses. 

STEM subjects: For these ones, it’s more important to do all the homework, because they may only give you one problem per concept. Be very literal about how you interpret things, that’s how folks in STEM usually expect you to think. Office hours are gold, if you can get them (and if the professor isn’t an ass). TAs are hit or miss. Readings are usually super important, relatively short, and can be read multiple times for more benefit.

General knowledge: Don’t forget to think critically! You’d think that’s all you’ll be doing, but in fact most professors only want you to regurgitate their own thoughts back to them. Very disappointing. However, that doesn’t have to stop you! You can always think: “Who benefits from this? What voices aren’t I hearing from in this story?” (even in STEM there are stories). “Why is this important?” In general, don’t stop asking questions! This is where I think true intelligence lies.

I’m sure you don’t need ALL of this advice– please don’t think I don’t think you know what you’re doing! I’m being a little over-cautious not because I don’t trust you but because if there’s any chance of my mistakes and accidental successes helping you do better than otherwise, I want to give all of them that opportunity. Kind of a shotgun approach!

All my love,

Autumn!

Offstage

A/n: y'all about to get on me for doing another Jisung imagine………..shut up he is my soulmate okay.💕💕💕 if I got request for other people I wouldnt do him as much😂😂 also this is probably one of the longest imagines ive ever written holy crap

Member: Han Jisung ft Bangchan, Felix, Changbin, and Seungmin

WARNINGS: Swearing (it’s me guys come on, also tumblr I put it in the warnings stop flagging my posts), Jisung being the cocky bitch he is.

Summary: The Dance Dept. and Theatre Dept. have never gotten along. It’s just the stereotype of the arts. However, the teachers are done with that and have decided to include the Dance Dept in the school’s musical this year. What happens when the Queen of the Thespians and the King of the Dancers are forced to cooperate?

Genre: fluff, comedy, romance, enemies to lovers, highschool au, theatre au

“WE’RE WHAT?” I screamed at my closest friend, Bangchan. He took a deep breath before putting his hands on my shoulders. “Y/n, it’s not the end of the world.” No. This was the end of the world.

“Chan, we aren’t seriously letting those cocky small-brained dancers into the show are we?” He nodded and placed a stack of papers on the table. “I just got the notice from Mrs.Kwon.” Fuming, I flopped down in one of the auditorium chairs. I had worked my ass off to get to the status I had in the theatre department. This was my third lead and I wasn’t about to let some dancers ruin the show I cared about.

“Think about it this way. Legally Blonde is a huge dance show. Now some of the pressure for choreography is off. I talked to this guy Felix and he said he would choreograph.” Chan was my best friend and he was graduating this year. This was his last chance to direct one of our shows before he left. If he had to compromise….then I guess I could. “How does Seungmin feel about this?” A crash was heard from the wings.

“MINHO! I NEED YOU TO NOT DROP THE $300 SET PIECE! PLEASE!”

We both flinched at Seungmin’s loud voice. “He’ll be fine……probably. He’s the Stage Manager he is used to problems popping up.”

“MINHO! I SWEAR TO GOD!”

He sighed and shifted through the papers on the director’s table. He looked stressed. This was obviously not how he wanted his show to go. “You want me to stay with you for the extra auditions?” Running a hand through his hair, he turned to me with a tired smile. “No, it’s okay. Woojin wanted to go wig shopping with you anyway. We can’t have a brunette, Elle.” Playfully he shoved me up the aisle.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah! List will be posted outside.”

My eyes bore holes into the clock on the wall. I tried to drown out the loud boys next to me. Felix and Hyunjin were part of the dance department and had too much energy in my opinion. The second the bell rang I sprinted out of my seat and raced to the auditorium. Seungmin and Woojin stood in front of the call board when I arrived.

“What’s up?” Seungmin turned to me with a look that could kill. “Why are there dancers in my show?” Shrugging I turned my eyes to the list and scanned through the names.

“Technically it’s Chan’s show-”

“IT’S MY GOD DAMN SHOW TOO!”

“Ah Fuck.”

The two boys turned to me and asked what was wrong. Without another word I pointed to a name next to the male lead spot. “Han Jisung,” Woojin read aloud. A loud laugh could be heard coming down the hall. We all turned to find Jisung, Felix, and Hyunjin strolling down the hall towards the theatre. They stopped when they saw us.

“L/n.”

“Han.”

“Tightass.”

“Douchebag.”

“You want me.”

“To jump of a cliff? Yes.”

Smirking he ran a hand through his brown hair. “See you in there.” If only real daggers ended up in his back instead of my glare. “Can he even sing? How could Bangchan give Emmett to that……asshole.” Sharing a look the two of them shrugged before opening the door of the auditorium and entering.

The house lights were on and Chan was standing at the edge of a stage with a clipboard. I took a seat in the front row next to my friends Irene and Changbin. Seungmin and Jeongin joined Chan on stage and waited for everyone to quiet down.

“Welcome guys and congratulations for making it onto the Legally Blonde cast and crew!” Everyone clapped and cheered as Chan smiled broadly. “I’m Bangchan your director. This is Seungmin, your Stage Manager. And that is Jeongin our Assistant Director. Cast if you have any problems come to me or Jeongin, and crew you can go to Seungmin.”

Chan hesitated before speaking again. “Just make sure it is a real problem before going to Seungmin. We can’t have another Little Mermaid fiasco again.” The theatre kids laughed, but an obvious silence came from the dance crew.

“Okay. Y/n once again is our amazing lead!” I smiled and waved to my friends who were cheering. “And we have a new addition to the cast! Han Jisung will be playing Emmett, and Hwang Hyunjin will be playing Warner.” I felt eyes on me and turned to find Han smirking a few rows back. Rolling my eyes, I turned back around to listen to the rest of the cast being read off. I congratulated Changbin for getting Callahan and continued half-listening to the rest of the speech.

After the welcoming speech, Chan handed out the scripts and wanted to go directly into blocking. He told us the scene number and the characters needed jumped on stage. Chan amazingly lead and directed us through starting positions for the scene while answering Felix’s many questions about choreography.

Han was polite enough. He took Chan’s coaching well and did okay for his first day. I almost forgot that he was a major dickhead for a moment. Bangchan decided to not do musical numbers on the first day but told us to go home and practice for tomorrow’s first Saturday rehearsal where we would start doing choreography and songs.

 My old car sputtered to a stop in the school parking lot. I was maybe an hour early to rehearsal, but that never hurt. I pulled my crop top down and adjusted my leggings and flannel. Reluctantly, I came ready to dance today.

On my way to the auditorium, I passed the dance and stopped when I heard a voice.

She was so close she could taste it

She’s gotta chip on her shoulder

Guess you never can tell

With little Miss Woods comma Elle

Hesitantly I entered the dance studio with my duffle on my shoulder. I was shocked to see Jisung standing in front of the mirror focused on adjusting to the high note, repeating the last few bars over and over again.

“Maybe try singing from your diaphragm.” He jumped at my voice and turned, shocked to see me leaning against the wall. “I mean, you aren’t bad. You just need a little coaching.” I threw my duffle on the ground and walked over to him. It was then I noticed something different about him. That cocky, confident, headass air he had was gone. He looked almost nervous as I came to stand in front of him.

Grabbing his wrist I placed his hand on the upper part of my stomach. “With little Miss Woods comma Elle,” His eyes widened and stared straight into mine. “See. It’s a completely different muscle.” He nodded and continued looking into my eyes.

“Now you.” Placing my hand on top of his I moved it to his own stomach above his diaphragm. “Go on. Try the last stanza.” He looked down at his stomach and took a breath of hair before looking back at me. “Guess you never can tell, with little Miss Woods comma Elle,”

“Yeah! That was great!” I didn’t seem to notice the smile that spread across my face. “Feel better doesn’t it?” He nodded, shocked at his own voice. “That’s actually really cool. Thank you.” He grabbed a water bottle near his bag and handed it to me.

“No problem. You aren’t as bad as I thought you were going to be, Han.”

“Just because I’m a dancer doesn’t mean I can’t sing.”

I shrugged and took a small sip of his water before handing it back to Jisung. “So what is this show actually about?” I laughed and took his script which was sticking out of his bag. Surprisingly it was marked up with notes, and question marks, and highlighted to all hell. “So there is this girl, Elle, that’s me. And after a terrible breakup with her boyfriend, Warner, ‘Hyunjin’, she decides to follow him to Harvard law school so she can win him back.”

“Okay. But he broke up with her?”

“She’s not very smart.”

"Anyway, she goes and she realizes she sucks at law school. So she meets you, Emmett, who is like a Teacher's Assistant who grows a soft spot for her. He helps her study and she actually gets really good at law. So the whole story is about overcoming adversity and stereotype and self-worth and strength. And Elle actually ends up telling Warner off and ends up with Emmett."

Jisung nods along and listens intently the whole time I speak. "This must be your favorite show if you know so much about it." I shook my head and sat down against the mirror. To my surprise, Han sat in front of me. “No. My favorite show is a little more morbid than this.” He scoffed and took a swig of water.

“Aren’t musicals like all happy and we love life and let’s all sing a song!”

“What is it that you think we do?”

“That.”

I sighed, seeing the stubborn personality he had start to shine through. “Listen if you are going to be in this show you have to understand that theatre is a way of expression.” He looked down at the floor. “Like...dance?” My eyes shot up to his face. “Yeah, actually. It’s not enough to just act the character’s feelings. You have to think of them as a real person and find a moment that you can connect to their feelings.”

He seemed kind of spaced and simply stared at me. “Well- um...my friend is in a show next weekend and I think it is a show you might really connect with. Would you maybe want to go? I mean, to see what theatre is actually like.” Why was I offering this to him? I didn’t care. Well, I care about the show.

“With you?”

“It could be like a bonding thing. I’d rather not hate my co-star.”

“Okay. I’ll see you next weekend.”

Looking at the time, we both scrambled to get our things and race to the theater. I couldn’t help but smile at Jisung as we both sat in the back row listening to the schedule being called out.

Nervously I twisted the ring on my right hand. Since when did I become nervous to see Jisung. It had only been a week of rehearsals, but somehow I had grown to like him. He was nice and cracked jokes with me in between scenes. Jisung had also stayed behind several times to help me with choreography.

I smoothed out the dark green dress I had chosen to wear. Was it too tight? Irene did tend to call it my ‘Ass for Days’ dress. The heels I was wearing were also starting to hurt. I stood outside the theater waiting for Jisung. The sun had just started to set and my friend Rocky sent me a text that the show was starting soon and he reserved my seats.

“Holy shit...”

Looking up I saw Jisung stop in his tracks. His eyes looked me up and down, but not in a lustful way. More like a surprised way. I couldn’t help but look at him the same way. He wore a casual fitted black suit and a white dress shirt underneath without a tie. His brown hair which was usually fluffy and tousled was now purposely parted on the side and combed through.

“Hi...”

“Hi...”

“You look grea-” “You look beautiful-”

“Sorry...”

Holy fuck. He only looks hot because he is in a suit. That’s just science. All guys are hot in suits. It’s totally not because his hair looks great and I could see how slim his waist was compared to his chest. Oh fuck. He is in suits for the entire second act. Am I going to think like this every time I see him in a suit?

“We should go in!” I said interrupting my own less than pure thoughts. He cleared his throat and nodded, closing the gap between us as I turned to go inside. I mentally scolded myself for blushing when I felt his slender fingers grazing my lower back.

Once we (mostly me) were emotionally and hormonally safe in our seats, the two of us started talking. “So L/n, what is the show called?” He turned to me with a nervous smile. It’s not cute Y/n. It’s the suit. I swear to god it’s the suit. “It’s called A Chorus Line. It is a very dance-heavy show and the actors don’t leave the stage unless it’s intermission.”He nodded and looked around the auditorium for a moment before turning back to me.

“What’s it about?”

“Oh. Um. Well, it is about an audition for the ensemble of a Broadway show. And it talks about the lives and trials each person has had to go through just to be on stage. It’s a really great show.”

Just as he was about to speak the lights dimmed and the orchestra picked up. Throughout the show, I tried to focus on Rocky as he played Paul San Marco, but I couldn’t keep from glancing at Jisung. I couldn’t help but be fascinated by his reaction. He listened intently to the stories and monologues and when intermission came around he asked me all sorts of questions about the show and which character my friend was.

The lights dimmed once more and I couldn’t help but notice that Jisung’s hand gripped the chair tightly during the scene where Paul fell and injured his knee. Worried I looked up to see slow quiet tears on his cheeks. I turned back to the stage and looked up as the scene progressed. Carefully, I let my hand graze over his and I held it lightly. I heard him take a breath and glance over at me, and I hoped my face still seemed intent on the performance.

I tried to ignore the way my heart started beating faster when he moved his hand to lace his fingers with mine.

“I really do appreciate this opportunity to work with you.” My fingers pushed a piece of blonde hair behind my ear as I sat down on the desk near Changbin. We were running the assault scene in the wig and with full set today for the dress rehearsal. Usually I would have met up with Jisung and worked on lines together, but his call time was later than mine. “I have learned so much.” I could see Changbin give me the signal with his eyebrow. An almost ‘are you ready’ secret message that we had between us.

“No, what you’ve learned isn’t the point. You have instincts...and instincts, legal instincts or otherwise can’t be taught.”

His fingers tapped on the desk while he sustained eye contact. If I hadn’t known it was fake, a shudder would go down my spine. My ears picked up the auditorium door opening and closing, but I remained in character, waiting for Changbin to act on his cue.

“Trust... your instincts.”

There was a pause and I continued acting oblivious. ‘Suddenly’ Changbin’s lips were crashing against mine and his hands were groping at my ass. After waiting for my cue from Hyori, I pushed Bin away and did the slap we practiced. Bin laughed quite sleazily and touched his cheek. “I thought you were smarter than that.”

“Awesome! Let's change the set for Elle and Emmett.” Bangchan called from the director’s desk.

Turning I saw Jisung standing in the middle of the aisle, his grip tight on his backpack. He wore the tank top and sweats he always wore after coming from dance practice and a backwards white cap. Even from the audience I could see a mix of emotions on his face, and none were good. Things between Jisung and I had become more flowing. It turns out it wasn’t just the suit. However, I didn’t want to get into anything serious with my castmate. I didn’t even know if he liked me.

I jumped off of the stage to let Seungmin yell at the underclassmen to move sets. Running up to Jisung I greeted him with a smile. “Hi!” His face still looked sad, but he tried to cover it with a small smile. “Hi...I saw your scene. You were great. I almost couldn’t tell you were acting.”

“Thanks! You look cute in hats.” Playfully I grabbed it, letting his fluffy hair loose and placing the white hat over my blonde wig. “Yeah well, I like your natural hair better.” That same sad smile came over his face. It didn’t quite reach his eyes and I was surprised I took notice of a detail so small.

“Hey...you look nervous. Are you okay?” My hand reached out for his arm and he looked down at the touch. “Yeah. I’m fine, Y/n.” I smirked and looked up at the boy before putting the hat back on his head. “What? No more L/n?” He shrugged, but I saw a flash of a smile. “Will you help me with choreo after rehearsal?” He nodded and tossed his stuff in a chair next to Hyunjin. With a smile I thanked him and walked over to Bangchan who gave me notes on the next scene.

Three hours later Jisung and I were in the dance studio running over the biggest number I had. “And mark the lift, 1 2 3 4. Good!” He smiled and turned off the music.

“I mean, you aren’t bad. You just need a little coaching.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as Jisung used the same thing I said to him on me. “Well what have you been doing the last four weeks, huh? Should I ask Hyunjin to help me instead!” Laughing I jumped onto him and playfully pulled him down to the floor. He rolled me off of his chest and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at me.

“Nah. I’m much better than him.”

“Really. Should I tell him that?”

“.......Since when are you so close anyway!”

He jokingly yelled. That bright smile beamed on his face and ran all the way up to his eyes. There was a moment of comfortable silence and we just lay looking at each other. In that moment, I started to question if he didn’t have feelings for me. Then he broke the silence.

“So, how do you do that thing?” He looked down at the hardwood floor. “What thing?” “You know...you and Changbin. It wasn’t real.....right?” He looked up at me, almost hopeful. Pushing my self up, I sat cross-legged and looked down at him. “What? The stage kiss. No. Bin is gay. Trust me.”

“Wait what?”

“You haven’t seen Felix and him making out in the light booth?”

“WHAT?”

I laughed at the shocked look on his face and slightly pushed his shoulder. “You’re oblivious.” He shrugged and looked back up at me. “So, how do you do it?” He started playing with the ring on my right hand. “Are you nervous about our kiss--Oh- Have you never kissed anyone!!?” Jisung shot upright.

“I have kissed lots of girls!”

“Oh, okay.”

“I HAVE!”

“Yet, you are still nervous for our kiss.”

He brought his knees up and rested his arms on them. It took every inch of my self control not to stare at his arms. “Well, it’s gonna be in front of hundreds of people so yeah. A little.”

“It’s easy. Ours especially.” I snatched his white hat from him again and he chuckled when it was a little too big for me without my wig. “Explain, good madam.” “Both are at the end of the show,” I said have laughing and him nodding along.

“The first lasts exactly one eight count and then we do the rest of the song. The second is the cue for the blackout. Not long at all.” He nodded again, yet I didn’t think I had put him at rest. “Would it help set you at ease if we rehearsed it? That way you’ve done it when it is just you and me and not six hundred and eighty four people.”

Thinking about it, he nodded and followed my lead when I stood up and cued up the music. “Okay, so I’ve just proposed,” I stated getting done on one knee. I looked up to find him smirking.

“Having fun done there?”

“I will punch you in the nuts and not regret it. You really will be singing tenor then.”

“Okay moving on.”

He laughed and looked down at me slipping the pretend ring on his finger. He sang his line with the track. A real laugh left my lips when he picked me up in a hug and spun me around. The note sounded loud and clear in the dance studio and ended when my feet touched the ground. He looked into my eyes and his hand came up to my cheek before he kissed me.

I tried to ignore the tingling sensation that ran through my body as soon as his lips touched mine. I tried to ignore how even though he had been dancing for hours he still smelled like vanilla and the grass after a storm. I tried to focus on measuring the eight count, but my mind went foggy when I felt his hand bury itself in my hair. Well if I’m not counting he is, so it’s fine. It’s fine.

Jisung subconsciously took the control I gave him. He slowed the kiss from its original pace. Every time I thought he was pulling away he came back to my lips and I thought I could feel him smiling. After a moment he pulled away and looked into my eyes. At that moment I snapped out of it, realizing the song had already ended. He was still looking at me with his big brown eyes.

“The song is over...” His voice was low and almost a whisper. “Yeah...we kinda missed our cue.” What should I do? For once in my life....my mind was blank. “Uh...I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess?” He said with the corner of his lips quirking up. After a nod, he smiled and pulled away from me. Jisung stole glances back at me frozen in place as he picked up his bag and left.

The next day I walked into the auditorium in a crop and shorts. Immediately my eyes found Jisung and a wide smile spread across my face. Slowly it fell when I saw him talking to Hyori, a smirk evident on her small face. Her eyes met mine for a second before she reached out to Han’s arm. Suddenly he turned and saw me. A cold expression resonated over his sharp features.

After saying something to her, Han looked away and headed backstage. While my heart screamed to storm over to Hyori and ask what kind of game she was playing with Han, but my head told me to let it go and focus on tonight’s show.

Woojin caught up with me and helped me get in costume and makeup for the show. Every time I tried to talk to Jisung he would just avoid me and tell me some random excuse. Even Hyunjin came up to ask me what was wrong with his friend. Soon the wig came on and it was time for the start of the show.

The laughs and cheers sounded from the crowd but in the back of my mind and in the corner of my eye I could see Han in the wings, watching me with that cold expression. 

I feel so much better...

Than before

My throat burned and my stomach clenched as I held out the last note. If I couldn’t know what was going on with Jisung, I was damn sure going to give the best show I’ve ever done. Even if it destroyed my vocal cords and my body. My voice was the thing I could control right now, and it would do what I told it to. So, I told it to keep the note strong and not take the second breath.

With the conductor’s cue, I stopped and smiled brightly at the audience before the stage went black for intermission. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bangchan bolted from his front-row seat in the audience and sprinted backstage. Seungmin and Changbin both rushed up and gave me a bottle of water.

“God damn Y/n! I knew you had pipes but I thought fossil fuel was the reason we were running out of oxygen.”

“Y/n!”

Chan rushed up to me and threw me over his shoulder. “I love you. I love you. I love you, but please save your voice. We kinda need it for the second act.” I smiled and nodded, my eyes looking everywhere for Jisung. I had ten minutes to change costumes, wigs, makeup check, and somehow get him to talk to me.

“Where’s Jisung? I need to-umm...ask him about the costume change for ‘Take it Like a Man’“. I asked as calmly as possible after I had changed. Woojin told me that he was in the guy’s dressing room changing suits. Charging down the dark cramped backstage hall I opened the door to find Changbin and Jisung. With look towards Changbin he scurried out the door leaving me and Jisung alone. 

“We have three minutes until curtain. You better tell me what the fuck is going on, Han.”

“Why don’t you tell me, huh?”

His brows furrowed as he raised his voice. His outburst stunned me for a moment. “Is this just this thing you do? Messing with your co-stars? Huh, L/n?” I could see in his eyes he was truly hurt. “Where the hell did you get that from!” He scoffed and finished doing his tie. “Hyori told me all about you and Jungkook.” 

“Hyori?” 

“Yes.”

“Hyori? The girl who Jungkook cheated on me with? Only so I would so devastated to miss the opening night and she could fill in for me.”

His expression changed drastically. “She lied?” He sank down in one of the cheap metal chairs. “Yeah it’s kind of her shtick.” He ran a hand through his hair before looking up at me again. “Y/n I am so sorry-” “I just can’t believe you trusted her word over anything I would have told you.” A heavy silence came between us and all I could do was stare at him in disbelief.

“Come on people! WARNING is NOT a suggestion! PLACES is NOT a category on jeopardy! GO is NOT A FUCKING OPTION!”

Seungmin yelled down the hall and Jisung sighed and got up from the chair. “Y/n, I-” He stopped when I put up my hand. “Listen...we’ll talk after the show.” I just had to get out of there. 

Han grabbed my arm and blocked the set door. “Hey. Hey. We’ll fix it. We’ll fight it.” Something in his eyes told me the emotion was real. “Emmett. There is no reason for me to stay.” I opened the door and closed it walking onto the other side and closing it. The music started to swell and I could feel all this pent up emotion in my chest. “What about love? You never mentioned love.” 

I could hear the crack in Jisung’s voice that wasn’t usually there. “You never mentioned love. The timing’s bad, I know. But perhaps if I’d made it more clear, that you belong right here, then you wouldn’t have to go.” My throat started to close up but I pushed through it and took a breath for my part of the song where we sang over each other. “Because you know that I’m so much in love-”

Back to the sun

Back to the shore

Back to what I was before

Lie on the beach, dream within reach

Don’t stray beyond

I felt real tears come down my cheeks as I moved downstage to face the lights. In my side vision I saw Jisung do the same. I had thought that I could be different. That he was different. That maybe we could put this unspoken rivalry behind us.

If you can hear, can I just say

How much I want you to stay

We returned to the door, but this time something felt different when I pressed my hand to the door.

It’s not up to me just let me be legally blonde

Seungmin pushed everyone on stage for the final scene and Woojin tugged the graduation camp over my wig and hurriedly covered the curtain call dress with the robe. Throughout the scene I couldn’t help but steal glances at Jisung. It wasn’t his fault. He had no way of knowing about Jungkook and Hyori. 

Walking over to Han, I gave him a genuine smile and got down on one knee. “Emmett Forest please make me the happiest woman I know!” I sang with sureness. He spun me around like once before and took my face in his slender fingers. 

And kissed me.

The grin on my lips was so big that it hurt my cheeks. I had to tap him on the shoulder when we needed to sing, but pulling away his smile was so big and genuine. He knew I had forgiven him. It felt so hard not to just stop singing and just jump into his arms. We both rushed up to the platform upstage and stood in the center.

Jisung smiled down at me and moved the tassel onto the other side of my cap, like he was supposed to. With the final cue of music, I couldn’t take it anymore and I tangled my fingers into his soft brown hair and crashed my lips onto his. I heard the roaring applause which meant the stage lights were in blackout for curtain call, but he was still kissing me. “Curtain call?” I whispered against his lips, in case my mic was still on. I felt him nod and pushed me further back on the platform and behind the center curtain without parting from my lips.

I laughed as he tried to help me pry of the robe for curtain call. “Take a break for a sec,” I said laughing and he joined me. He and I both fumbled with the buttons and tossed the hat and robe off stage to reveal the bright pink and sparkly dress for the closing of show. 

“I’m impatient. Come back here.”

His hands pulled me back by my waist and pressed a heated kiss on my lips once more. Kissing him felt like time stopping. At first, I didn’t notice the cheering audience as the curtain rose again, and I honestly didn’t care. Han pulled away and smiled at me  before doing his bow and then he motioned to me and the audience cheered. We clapped as Bangchan and Seungmin did their bows.

“There’s a party later. Are you going, L/n?”

“Duh. Cast party.”

“You gonna wear that green dress from last time?”

“You gonna wear that suit from last time?”

The entire cast did another bow and the curtain closed fully. When the red fabric touched the floor of the stage the cast and crew went crazy and Jisung wrapped me up in another kiss.

“HEY! NO MAKING OUT ON MY SET!”

“Sorry, Seungmin.”

“THAT DOESN”T MEAN DO IT AGAIN!”

Masterlist

Requests are open!

So this is part of my prompt fanfics!

this is a reader x Sam (from spn) fanfic. the reader in this fic can be of any gender. I'll be using gender neutral terms but this fic is for she/her, he/him, and they/them readers. (becuse girls arent the only ones who read fanfiction.)

any way my dumb ass deleted this ask but it was going on a hunt with they boys and sammy being over protective-

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Ship: Reader X Sam (From Spn)

Rating: Pg13

Additional Info: loose fluff

Word Count: 1000

Fandom: supernatural

triggers: light cursing

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Request/ask from- @jamzm

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Send in more asks/prompts! :) NSFW and SFW are both aloud! Same with read x canon vs canon x canon!

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They had been on the road for over 12 hours now, stopping here and there for snacks and bathroom breaks but they still had 5 more hours to their destination and it was starting to wear on the three.

this was the first time the two Winchesters finally let you go on a hunting trip with them. it wasnt nothing to big just a simple low level vampire situation a few miles away from Cleveland, Ohio in some shitty old town, And of course being in a small care since Texas and still going, it was wearing on them.

The two boys were in the front seat arguing over whether The lead singer from ACDC sold his soul to a cross roads demon one of the many arguments started over the long and tiring care ride.

of course Dean was trying to argue with Sam about how he must of and sam..well he wasnt having it.

"Oh come on think about it Sammy, he got famous from a song about going to hell and glamorizing it. it makes sense-" dean said with a crack of a smile.

"yeah in 1979 Dean...he would of been dead by 1989. Ten years remember, you and I both know that's not how it works"

"okay but he could of fought off the hell hounds with that sick guitar of his-" he mumbled getting cut off.

"no Dean"

a chuckle came though from the back making them both turn to look at you, causing sam to hit dean over the head lightly. "the road!" he huffed before shaking his head before a new conversation started up quickly to pass the time.

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Once they arrived in Ohio they stopped at a little diner named "Ricky and Dickys" Dean of course found it funny so they stopped to get the "full hunters experience" but in reality he just wanted a cheese burger.

You sat with Sam as he went though his lap top,reading the same article over and over again.

The same article that lead them to this shit town in the first place. He was tense, not like normal but even more so.

He was nervous. I mean you usually helped around the bunker with small tasks but this was out in the field, this had danger to one false move and one of them could lose one another. So yeah he was nervous.

This wasnt like his normal hunt. This wasn't like working with dean on a vamp nest 10x the size. It was different this time. It was with you. Someone he tried to keep out of danger and now he was throwing them straight into danger.

Even with the trust he had in you already, all the training, all the research, everything. It was you.

"If anything happens-" he started breaking the silence between you two.

"Nothing will happen sam, I've been with you guys over a year now I'm ready to go in a hunt."

" you said trying to reassure the giant across from you. Only to get a look of worry back.He ment well he did. But again. This was you. He cared about you and was gonna be worried no matter what you said or did.

"Just..make sure your phone is charged in case we get separated, and make sure you still have that file of dead mans blood I gave-" he said starting to babble.

"Samuel I'll be fine. I mean I have one of the best hunters in the world as my boyfriend. I know all the tips and tricks. I'm not oblivious. I know a thing or two.

"I know I dont doubt you I just..." he gently put his hand over the others smiling sweetly with those puppy dig of his.

"I care about you. Alot..so just..be safe. Use your head..and eat up" he said softly taking his plate sliding it over to you"

"We cant hunt some nasty with being hungry now can we." He smiled like a fool. Smiling all dopey like a hint of worry still there but quickly fading as his bother joined them.

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When they got back to the motel dean went to his room, right next door. And sam followed you into theirs...he was exhausted, everyone was. It was a trap, it wasnt just a lone vamp, it was a whole nest now running right at them.

A slash here, a slash there landing on the three.

A head here, a head there off the vamps. It took a few sharp machines and some sweat to get them all wipped out. One by one..

He dropped his bag the moment they walked in. He wrapped his arms around the others wasit, letting the weight of the day pull the bath to the ground...this isn't what he wanted for the others first hunting trip.

This was a blood bath. It almost went..so wrong. If they didnt break down that door just a second later he wouldnt be holding them in his arms. He smiled gently holding the other in his arms. Leaving gently kissing on their cheek, on there neck, shoulders.

Anywhere he could get to before wrapping his arms right back around them. His vocie was shaky. Thinking about could of happened to his beloved.

"No more hunting trips...for awile. " he mumbled his voice breaking

"please no more..just for a few weeks. That was way to close. " he said softly

"we barely made it out..i..I miss calculate, I thought it was just one..it was so many.." he mumbled leaned over and over gently pecking their cheek.

"To close.." he mumbled with a frown. He sat there for awile holding on to the other.

He stayied like that for awile. Holding you in his arms, rocking back and forth ever so slight. Just holding each other. This was protection. It was sam Winchester trying to hold on to what was dear to him, emotionally and physically. He spent the rest of the night, kissing up their neck. And holding them close before falling asleep

So I dont think this is exactly what you wanted when you said overly protective sam but I hope you enjoy anyway! I always imagine sam being more emotionally protective over his partner rather then physically (of course he would still snap anyone's nal3ck who fucked with them. But- ) I always imagined him as a kind of, I'll kiss you cheek, and hold you while you cry. And imma worry bout you 24/7 Kind of protective rather then how I imagen dean would be the opposite more of protection physically. To his partner. Anyway enjoy. Already workin GB on your other prompts!)

Ok, time for my review of Kh3 Re:Mind Dlc

This is gonna be long, so be prepared, and yes there will be many spoilers so if you dont want spoilers of the game then you probably shouldnt read this, but if you dont care then stick around.

I will start off with my unbiased and critical opinion.

From the title menu alone you already know what this game is gonna be about. Kairi is gonna be center focus, or should say specifically Sokai, and Riku will be virtually non existent.

Now I know what your thinking, well duh its all about saving Kairi of course Riku wont have that big a role and she’ll be the main focus, and to that I say no shit sherlock I already knew that. My issue isnt that it was Kairi focused because I already knew that and still pre-ordered the DLC, but my issue is what this title screen represents and my fears were proven correct.

Let me elaborate

Riku is just as much of a friend to Sora as Kairi is, from the beginning of the series its always been Sora, Riku, and Kairi, thats the way its ALWASY been. But from this title screen I could tell Riku’s bond with them wasnt gonna be present at all and I was right.

I’ll elaborate further

I know Im jumping way ahead here but bare with me, at the end of the game after Sora rescues Kairi they travel the worlds together, Sora notices he is fading away which is why he goes to the many different worlds he has visited but now with Kairi, spending his final moments with her before he finally disapears.

See the problem? Sora doesnt involve Riku at all in his final moments being alive, he is just completely absent during his entire remaining life. Sora only spends time with Kairi during his final moments, Riku wasnt shown with them once.

I know some people say well we dont know how long Sora was alive before vanishing and he was probably the one who organized the party, but did we see that though? did we see any signs that Sora was alive for more than a day or two? did we see Sora talking to anyone like he was setting anything up? NO, it was all about Kairi and Riku was completely forgotten.

I can understand if Sora wasnt dying then it wouldnt matter how much time he spends with Kairi alone, but Sora was fading away ANY SECOND and he didnt spend any of his remaining time with Riku at all, even at the beach party who is Sora sitting next to alone with before he finally vanishes? Kairi. That is inexcusable and a huge insult to Riku and his bond with Sora, hes just completely excluded, that is unforgivable.

These new added scenes to the ending actually made it worse than the original version of it, before we didnt even know Sora was around for more than a day and just assumed they all had a beach party afterwards to celebrate getting everyone back and saving the world, but now we know Sora was actually around for an extended period of time and made no effort to spend time with anyone other than Kairi, not even his best friend Riku did he spend time with for his final hours, that is despicable.

Another major issue is how Sora keeps saying his journey started with losing Kairi in this game, as if Riku wasnt ALSO lost that day, as if Riku wasnt the reason Sora kept on his journey even after saving Kairi and sending her back to Destiny Islands, as if he didnt fall to his knees and bawl his eyes out finally reuniting with him, as if he wasnt content with spending the rest of his life trapped in the Realm of Darkness with Riku, as if for the entirety of the base game of kh3 Sora wasnt constantly and only thinking about Riku and how many things he wished he could show him.

Apparently in Remind none of that happened, none of that mattered, it was Kairi that was his main motivation, it was Kairi that started his journey, Riku wasnt involved in it at all.

That is a huge issue with this DLC, it treats Riku like a side character and of little importance to Sora, in the base game they handled them fine minus that on instance in the Keyblade Graveyard where Sora says ‘Alone, Im worthless’ even though Riku’s right there but other than that their relationship and bond was handled very well but in Remind? practically non existent.

Now onto the story aspect, if your not into time travel and have trouble understanding the many variations of it then your gonna have a bad time because it gets VERY confusing to follow, which is why you should never introduce time travel because it becomes way too complicated to keep track of and not only that you also have to worry about things like paradoxes, ripples in time, alternate timelines etc. Its a complete clusterfuck to keep up with and manage so time travel really shouldnt have been introduced in this series.

Chirithy tells Sora that no matter what he cant change the past again, yet there are times where Sora does just that so exactly what cant he change? for example, when Roxas appears he asks Sora to do him a favor which is essentially getting the X back from Xemnas in their names. Sora does several things to make this happen and even Kairi gets a couple swings at Xemnas this time but then the two of them are basically caught and restrained inside shadow balls [pause]

See the prob? this is a huge change to that fight, Kairi never took a single swing at Xemnas, she just stood there and got snatched up, Roxas never asked Sora for help getting the X’s back from Xemnas, and Sora and Kairi never got restrained by Xemnas and knocked out.

Chirithy explicitly said Sora cant change what happened and no matter what he has to accept it for what it is, yet here he is, changing what happened. Maybe you could argue well this is an alternate timeline, even if it is that makes all of this irrelevant and means it never happened because the true ending is the one where it didnt happen, making this semi useful Kairi moment really pointless because at the end of the day its not canon, her being useless is the true outcome, none of this matters.

That is extremely disappointing, so even if you alter the past for the better it doesnt matter because its an alternate timeline and that timeline isnt the real one making this whole redo pointless and time consuming for a short DLC that was an extra 30$ to play.

So the time travel is very confusing and even if you follow it, it ends up being very disappointing when you realize none of it matters.

Moving on to some of the tied loose ends, Im glad they explained why Aqua froze up after saying ‘We stand together’ and I like how we get to see how Young Xehanort came to have the beliefs that lead to what he did and also MOMs subtle influence on him succumbing to darkness.

He told Xehanort that he would outgrow the robe and no longer need it because if he was truly powerful then he’d be the one controling the darkness, this leads to Xehanort later begining to travel without the robe and being corrupted. So we know now that MOM also influenced that as well and is very sketchy, even more now than he was before since this action greatly influenced what Xehanort eventually does and all the pain he caused, all of which would have probably never happened if it wasnt for him.

But thats just my theory and what I got from it.

I liked that we got to see Namine for a brief moment where Sora basically brushes her off and completely forgets about thanking her, this is a plotline Im pretty sure at this point is just never going to get resolved. He just tells her to go to the Final World and walks off, which makes no sense because Sora was surprised to see her in the original playthrough.

Another change was Lingering Will dying to protect Sora, again this never happened because Sora was busy fighting alongside everyone in the maze while Lingering Will and Terranort were fighting away from them. After Lingering Will died for him then Sora is pretty much squeezed to death by Terranorts Stand, or atleast knocked unconscious.

So much about these are just so confusing as to how they are happening when Chirithy said the events couldnt be changed I just stopped questioning it.

But atleast this time its made clear that Namine is the one who sent Lingering Will to help everyone and how she did it, so now people can stop saying Kairi is the reason everyone survived because it wasnt, without Lingering Will they would have all died a second time.

Basically the first half of the DLC is just recap with some minor changes and additions to the cutscenes, you get to play as other characters like Riku [optional] Aqua [not optional] and Roxas [optional] but other than that its basically the same thing all over again for the first 3-4 hours of the DLC, that is ridiculous.

The new content finally starts when Kairi is shattered, funny how the game gets good after Kairi dies xD I’ll stop.

Anyway once Kairi dies is when we finally get explorable Scala, but not without having to endure an insane fight with tons of heartless and nobodies and yes its more complicated than you think. It doesnt matter how many heartless or nobodies you kill, they will keep coming until you kill this one red heartless with way more health than your average heartless has.

After that you can pretty much wander around Scala as you wish and this is the only time where you can buy items or food so make sure to do that if your low on items. If your low on money there are minor enemies there that you can kill to get some so take advantage of this opportunity because your not getting another one.

Your goal in Scala is to basically run around, solve a couple puzzles, and get 5 of Kairi’s heart shards, revealed to having to be 7 later on. Sound fun? besides being able to see more of Scala’s layout, not really. But its a good place to take a breather before getting back into the big battles ahead.

Unfortunately your actually forced to fight the armored organization again but thankfully you dont have to do the ENTIRE final battle over, just that one section which I appreciate but wish we didnt have to do any of it at all.

So after we’re done Scala we get in MY opinion the two best parts of the entire DLC. We get to see what was going on with the rest of the keyblade wielders back home and it was INSANE and extremely well done, everybody had a chance to shine.

When everyone was swept away and Mickey was down and out, it was amazing seeing Mickey push himself back up and slowly with what little strength he had take on all the armor organization BY HIMSELF severely weakened, yet still powerful enough to hold them off and stand his ground. He really showed us WHY he is the King, so THAT I really enjoyed. It was extremely well done and one of the most memorable parts of the DLC.

The next part was even more insane and well done, which is us getting to fight as all the keyblade wielders against the armored organization and even get some cool dialog and team attacks in between, it was just amazingly well done seeing everyone work together and switching between characters was just so epic and enjoyable.

Honestly I could play those two parts over and over again and enjoy it everytime, their just that good and the most memorable in the entire DLC.

Coming back with Kairi and killing Xehanort together with all the keyblade wielders including Kairi this time was satisfying to see but it excludes Xehanorts and Eraquses final words, I mean yea seeing Xehanort have a semi happy ending put off alot of people but at the same time, seeing Xehanort come to the realization that he was wrong about everything and giving the Wayfinder trio closure by seeing their master one last time and hearing his apology to them just held more weight to me.

Im not saying I think Xehanort should be redeemed as easily as he was, but I feel like excluding Eraqus and their final words made the ending feel hollow, just ok we beat the bad guy, happily ever after now. Thats pretty lackluster and unsatisfying In my opinion.

Finally the ending....

Heres where Im gonna be biased and give my personal thoughts. Warning if your a fan of Kairi skip to the very end of the review where I give my overall rating

I hate the ending, for the reasons I listed in the beginning but also many others. I get the main focus was gonna be Kairi since the DLC was about saving her, Im not mad about the obvious, Im mad about the execution.

The Sokai agenda was so forced and apparent its not even funny, they shove it in your face so hard yet when Sora is talking with Chirithy he still refers to Kairi as a friend, really? your shoving this pairing down our throats just to have Sora still friendzone her? Im not mad because I dont want them together anyway but I hate the games being played here, you either want them together or you dont, pick a friggin side Nomura.

And while we’re on the subject, I hate, HATE, how this game is so heavily romance focused when Kingdom Hearts was NEVER about romance to begin with, it was always about friendship and bonds. Not in this DLC though, no now its all about Kairi and being with her forever, traveling the world together, holding hands, all this lovey dovey nonsense nobody invested in the plot could give a rats behind about.

Sure people who are into Kingdom Hearts for the romance of course they dont mind, but Im pretty sure MOST people invested in this series are in it for the story, not some stupid pairing, and I HATE how much they shove it down your throat because it is just so forced and obvious what they were doing.

This was all damage control for Kairi, who has been a useless damsel in distress and dues ex machina in every single game shes been a part of. I repeat, EVERY SINGLE GAME SHES A PART OF.

Kh1 - Kidnapped, unconscious, Sora needs to die to save her.

Kh2 - Kidnapped, held hostage, Sora needs to find and save her.

Kh3 - Kidnapped, unconscious, is killed twice, Sora needs to die to save her.

Do you see what I fricken mean? Every fuckin game its the same danm thing over and over and quite frankly Im sick of it. You might as well say this is a Mario game because Kairi is princess Peach always gettin snatched up and Sora is Mario always going through insanely deadly trials to get her back, and then it happens all over again.

This DLC was damage control for that, instead of immediately getting snatched up by Xemnas she actually gets a few good swipes at him to no avail of course, and then she fights together with Sora against armored Xehanort, all of which is just damage control for her not doing anything in the entire franchise and pandering to her fanbase that are constantly screeching for playable Kairi and for her to do something.

It was also damage control for how non existent their relationship was and what a joke its been since Kh1. They arent fooling anybody because thats exactly what this was, otherwise why you have to try so hard to CONVINCE us how important she was to Sora? why did Riku have to get sidelined so much just to boost Kairi up? why’d Sora completely disregard Riku as a part of his journey? why did Sora not spend ANY time with ANYONE for his final moments alive? its so obvious why. The only way to convince anyone shes actually important and relevant is to play down everyone else or exclude them entirely.

Congratulations, you got your wish, good for you fandom, but at what cost?

The time they spent forcing so much Sokai could have been used to tie up way more loose ends than there were but nope, gotta squeeze in that Sokai, thats what yall really here for right? fuck off.

The two best moments of the game was so short lived its not even funny, this DLC was full of so much padding in the first half, forced romance and pandering for damage control they forgot to actually make this a decent DLC.

Since I recorded my gameplay from start to finish I can actually tell you the amount of old content vs the new

3-4 hours of mostly what we already seen with a few changes, I only died twice

1-2 hours of new content, probably less because I got lost and died alot

That is unacceptable, 30$ for only 10% new content? that is a robbery.

Not only that but the worst part is the Limitcut episode, databattles have always been optional for competative players who like the challenge. Now you are FORCED to fight these INSANELY hard bosses, all 13 in order to get the final bits of the aftermath of the story.

WE PAID FOR THIS, this wasnt free we PAID for it and yet we’re basically told ‘Hey if your a casual player and want the rest of the story? well you gotta fight 13 of these insanely hard databattles that used to be optional but now their madatory for you to get the rest of your moneys worth. Too difficult? cant do it? well too danm bad, get good or go home we got your money already so screw you guess you’ll never know’

That is a fucking robbery and a huge slap in the face to people who are invested in the story, not proving their the best by fighting insanely difficult battles no matter what difficulty your on. It wouldnt be an issue if this was always the case, but these battles were always OPTIONAL for competetive players to do if they WANTED to, but now its mandatory and if you cant do it then oh well middle finger to you.

I couldnt even beat Vanitas, I fought him first and then Luxord and I couldnt beat either of them so I just said fuck it and went on youtube to see what I paid to see for free. 30$ wasted on a game I cant even finish, your out of your fucking mind if you think thats fair and excusable.

Thats why at the end of the day I give it a 5/10, its not good but its not bad either, its just decent. But if you asked me if it is worth the time and money? fuck no, my advice? watch other youtubers play it and keep your 30$

If you want it just to play as some of the characters, experience the new content for yourself, and play the databattles then by all means get it.

But if you think thats not enough for you to spend 30$ for then dont get it.

Overall Re:mind gets a 5/10, useless padding for majority of the first half of things we’ve already seen and cant skip because theres new scenes mixed in, forced romance that nobody but shippers care to see, severely lacking new content, and unfair extremely hard mandatory databattles just to see the final aftermath of the story which is kind of important setup for the next game.

Fuck this DLC, this was my fist time EVER buying a DLC for ANYTHING and thanks to this its probably my last. So thank you Re:Mind, for ReMinding me why I never bought DLCs in the first place.

Ps - Im so glad playable Kairi was optional, thats one of the only things this DLC did right.

thank u legend @honeyreynolds for tagging me!!

1) do you make your own bed? no but not bc someone else does it for me, i just dont....make my bed...judge me but i dont care about folding and laying out my blankets when im just gonna come back in 15 hours to crash out

2) what’s your favorite number? i think it used to be 16 or 18 but now 7 has a very fresh spicy vibe 

3) what’s your job? im a vfx artist! soon to be an unemployed vfx artist but until then i work as a junior artist in the compositing department

4) can you parallel park? when i was taking driving lessons my instructor said i was really good at it but sometimes if its a tight park between two cars ill half do it and then decide its not worth it and just leave grjdfcn

5) a job you had that would surprise people? ive only had like 3 jobs, i think the most surprising one is my current job actually

6) do you think aliens are real? dude duh

7) can you drive a manual car? i WISH

8) what’s your guilty pleasure? i think im pretty embarrassing on main already anyways, maybe though like reading fic counts as a guilty pleasure only bc i only read a very very niche type of fic and sometimes i will go back to years-old shows and pairings

9) tattoos? ive got the lyra constellation with some little flowers, and medusa on the back of my arm, and im biding my time to get some new additions (next on the cards is swords)

10) favorite color: how can i pick one bro it depends...i love turquoise and seafoam tones, but for clothes in particular im a sucker for that mustard/ochre yellow vibe, love me a good deep green too, i cannot choose

11) things people do that drive you crazy: seconded about grown ass people who just dont clean up after themselves but in particular people who use bathroom sinks and leave the whole fucking counter wet? what the fuck are you doing bro?? you bathing in that sink?? whys the whole place look like a fish just tried to escape your clutches?

12) any phobias? bugs. barring bees, if youve got more than four legs stay the Fuck away from me thank you!

13) favorite childhood sport? i used to play field hockey which was so fun, and i Loved baseball when we played it in high school sport but they didnt have any leagues or anything when i was a kid unfortunately. idk if gymnastics counts but i loved that too, only it wouldnt have mattered if i had been able to continue it bc of my back problems and all 

14) do you talk to yourself? always babe!

15) what movies do you adore? i dont really watch movies bc i cant focus for that long, but genre-wise the only one im not a fan of is horror. theres heaps of movies that if you mention them ill remember how much i love them, but i can only remember like. the mummy and potc right now fdjnbn

16) do you like doing puzzles? i do but im really not smart enough to figure them out, and i absolutely hate doing anything of the sort in front of other people

17) favorite kind of music? i shift a lot between indie-pop and rock, as well as folk, but lets be honest my fave kind of music is simply hozier

18) tea or coffee? coffee babey! the only tea i like is my ma’s chai, and ok lemon-ginger lipton when im sick

19) what was the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? probably a writer, but lawyer is also up there as one of my longest-standing dream careers

id like to tag @gaylukecrains @pendraegon @lesbianbobbiedraper @valentimanes and @lizortech

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

Chapter 2

Kimiko shouldered her duffle bag and pulled the handle out of her suitcase up until the stop. The cab behind her drove off with squeaking tires and she was left alone in Daehyeon-dong. With the address written on a small piece of paper in her hand she made her way through the passageway. 

People passed her busily staring onto their phone and did not care about the heavily loaded girl walking slowly checking the house numbers of the buildings she passed. She had not to walk far until she found the number 90 being displayed at the gate of the fence enclosing the small front garden. A gravel path went to the front door adorned by a few flowers. A few steps to the left was the driveway to a garage. She noticed the wooden sign hanging next to the door: Shincheon Boarding House.

She pulled the strap of her bag back on her shoulder and opened the gate to walk to the door. It wasn’t even a few seconds after her index finger had left the doorbell and the door was opened energetically. A wide smiling face of a woman in her forties showed itself to the slightly taken aback Kimiko whose grip around the handle tightened. “Ah~ you must be our new boarder. Come on in”, she invited her in with big gestures to make sure the Japanese girl understood her. Kimiko nodded and carried her luggage inside putting it next to the stairs. She slipped out of her shoes and politely bowed to the older woman. “Hello, my name is Yamamoto Kimiko”. She smiled delighted and said: “I am Son Aejin. Your Korean is very good”. “Thanks” Kimiko wiped her nervously sweating hands on her trousers and flinched a little as Aejin yelled for Hyunwoo to come down and help her carry the luggage. Shortly after a young high schooler came down the stairs eying up the new roommate. Aejin excused herself saying that there were a few things left on the stove in the kitchen and Hyunwoo took over the responsibility to show Kimiko around. “Konnichiwa” Hyunwoo bowed to her seeing her mirroring the movement. “Konnichiwa”, she smiled. He took a small paper out of his pocket and read: “Watashitachi… no geshuku e… yōkoso”. Kimiko chuckled “Thank you”. “Oh” he looked from his paper hearing her answering in Korean. “You speak Korean?” “I am still learning – but I can understand it most of the time” she nodded. He thankfully put the paper back into his pocket and took her luggage – both pieces at once – and easily carried them upstairs. “You share your room with Lee Yunhee.” He signed towards the door in the right corner with his elbow. “The bathroom is over there” he signed to the opposite direction. “Choi Youngjae’s room and my room are next to yours. And over there is Jisuk’s room. You shouldn’t go in there except you have a death wish” he explained. Kimiko just nodded – she knew she would need some time until she got all the names. He knocked at the door to her new room with his foot – or also known as ungently kicking against it. A twenty something woman opened the door, her short hair still wet from showering and a towel adorned her shoulders. Her oversized Baseball-Tricot reached almost to the midst of her thighs and her sweatpants were unevenly rolled up. She glared at Hyunwoo, but her face eased up again after seeing all the luggage in his hands and the unknown Japanese standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. “Hey” Yunhee casually waved her, not sure how she will communicate with a foreigner when she herself was not very proficient in English, and let Hyunwoo carry the luggage inside. Kimiko offered a smile and went into the room past the smaller Yunhee. The room was not necessarily spacious. It was used to its full capabilities – a bunk bed in the corner, next to it a desk with a folding chair, a wardrobe rod hanging from the ceiling next to a full-length mirror and a bookshelf stood next to the door. Yunhee kicked the bean bag chair while passing it to sit down on the lower bed. “So~” Yunhee was desperately looking for any signs of English vocabulary in her head and how to form them into an apt sentence. “You…” she pointed at Kimiko, “sleep here” her hand moved to the upper bed of the bunk sleeper. Kimiko nodded chuckling, “You can talk to me in Korean”. Yunhee was a little taken aback by her sudden Korean words, but took that invitation thankfully carrying on as if she had done so from the start. “You can have half of the rod” she signed to the hanging long metal bar on which one half was empty and the other overflowed, “The empty space in the shelf is all yours and in the bathroom you need to see where you can squeeze your stuff in – but I recommend taking things you don’t want to share back into your room. They are ruthless here” she chuckled and watched Kimiko carefully looking around the small room. “Which University are you attending?” Yunhee asked. “Yonsei University, I am studying Asian History and Archeology – and you?” “Oh really? Me, too” she turned around so Kimiko could see the huge Yonsei written in bold letters on her tricot. “I am a sports-major. Nice to meet you” she leaned forward to shake Kimiko’s hand. Silence. Kimiko sat between her luggage on the floor, looking around awkwardly. Kimiko wasn’t really a small-talker and she needed a lot of time to get to know someone.  So the two girls sat there, staring around until Kimiko decided she still needed to unpack and that moment was the right one to do so.

  Jisuk arrived at the Daegu Bus Terminal, taking down the few steps out of the bus raising her hand to throw shade on her eyes. She had slept the whole ride and the early afternoon sun was strong on this day. She felt the warmth spreading on her skin and just stood there for a while breathing in the air of her hometown. “Jiiisuk-ah!” she heard someone yell from the parking lot and as she turned her head to look at the person she rolled her eyes. There stood Jinah, waving her hand while leaning against her black car. Jisuk thought she could avoid her by not telling her when she is arriving – but it seems like she can’t fool her friend. Jisuk shouldered her backpack and walked towards her. “How long did you wait?” Jisuk asked instead of a greeting. “About an hour?” Jinah tipped against her chin while thinking about it. “What? You stalker” Jisuk gaped. Jinah shrugged, “Get in. I’ll drive you”. “You get more brazen everyday…” Jisuk huffed and walked around the car to get in nonetheless. The doors were pulled shut and Jisuk connected her phone with the car’s speakers to turn on some music. As Jinah started the motor the soft sounds of an e-guitar combined with drums resounded through the quality speakers in the car. “I haven’t heard this song for a long time – reminds me of our old days…” Jinah said, “Where are you staying by the way?” “Daegu Prince Hotel” Jisuk said jamming her head slightly to the music and looked out of the window. “You sure know how to spend lavishly”. “I told ya that I saved up for this one… It’s going to be depressing enough being back here – I didn’t want to stay in a ruin of a hostel as well”, Jisuk said casually. “Why are you staying in Daegu by the way?” “Family business… just like you” Jinah hummed and Jisuk nodded – she noticed that she didn’t really know anything about Jinah’s family. She sometimes mentioned stress with her father but nothing else; and Jisuk never asked. She knew that if Jinah would want to talk about it she would tell her – the same was the other way around as well. Jinah halted the car in front of the four-star hotel and let Jisuk fetch her things from the back seat. “Call me when you get back from your uncle. We can catch a few shots” Jinah offered. “Girl, you should cut back your alcoholism… your body can’t handle your college habits anymore” Jisuk chuckled leaning forward so she could see her friend while still standing between car and door. “I won’t get younger anyway. So let’s just make it a good life not a long life” “I will probably be back around ten” she gave her the ok-sign and shut the door. Jinah drove off with squeaking tires and let the younger woman alone in front of the huge winged door. A man in red uniforms approached her and offered to carry her backpack, opening and holding the door for her. “I can get used to that” she mumbled to herself as she walked to the reception to check in. “Welcome at Daegu Prince Hotel. How may I help you” the male receptionist asked after turning on his customer-pleasing smile. “I have a room reserved” “May I ask for your name?” “Bak Jisuk”. She gave him her mobile phone with the booking confirmation and a QR-code for a faster check-in. He typed something into his computer and after a few clicks his attention turned back to Jisuk. “Here are the keys to your room; number 412. Fourth floor, second last room on the right side” he gave her a card and the bill from the online booking, together with her phone. “Thanks” Jisuk took her things and turned around walking to the elevator, pushing absent mindedly the button to the fourth floor. This weekend wouldn’t be easy on her – it never was. It made it easier knowing Jinah was somewhere in this town as well – even though she had her own troubles she wouldn’t leave Jisuk standing in the rain - the more so after she helped her leaving all this mess in Daegu behind.  The doors were about to close as a hand suddenly intervened making them stop and open again. Jisuk raised her eyes to glance at the additional person in the elevator who was about to push a button but halted upon seeing the red light already circling around the ‘4’. He nodded at her acknowledging her presence and turned his back to her staring at the closing doors. Jisuk gulped and stared awkwardly at the prompt displaying the floor. She had noticed him being probably some rich chaebol son – if it was not because of the expensive suit; then it would be by his arrogant and fancy aura. Kind of funny to think that normally people like him stay in this kind of hotel and now she, just a measly part-timer, was able to grant herself a weekend in this hotel. The door made way for the corridor on the fourth flour and Jisuk reacted instantly walking away to her room. “Excuse me”, the young man suddenly said making her halt in her steps and turn around cautiously. “Me?” He looked around and then back at her – they were the only ones in the corridor. “Yes, you. You dropped something”, he squatted down to pick up a pamphlet and reaches out to hand it to her. She saw his eyes wandering over the cover picture and took the folded paper out of his hand. “Thank you”, she slightly bowed her head and was about to retreat. He smiled politely; “Don’t mention it”. At an easy pace he passed her and swiped his keycard over the doorknob to disappear in his room. Jisuk eyes fell on the pamphlet – Hyungwong Residential Care Residence. She sighed looking at the happy patients smiling on the cover pictures. The thought of going there the next day was uncomfortable – yet something she wanted to do since she had been there a year ago. She didn’t stay long in her room, just to wash up and change into formal and dark clothes. It was not long until she left the hotel to take the next bus and ride away from downtown. Even though she would visit her Uncle not that often she knew the way by heart – taking the bus three stations, then changing to the underground into the third line and get off at the last stop before the suburbs and then followed some stops with another bus. It was quite a long journey – about an hour or so. In the end she arrrived in front of the marble framed entrance to a columbarium. It was totally quiet inside – only a few footsteps making their way over the sparkling white tiles and someone coughing here or there. Jisuk walked through the hall towards the stairs – on the second floor she went straight to the last smaller hall knowing her uncle was lying there. The silence was overbearing – she never liked that about this place. A graveyard would have at least some birds chirping or wind running through the treetops - but she didn’t had the money to pay for a burial.  She kneeled down in front of the black urn and looked at the framed picture of a middle aged man with  laughter lines strewing his face – brown, short curly hair parted and combed down at the top of his head, and he was wearing a checkered shirt; he always did.  He would be 46 now – if he hadn’t died 14 years ago. She sank down to the floor completely and sat there cross legged looking for something in her bag. She didn’t talk – even though many people did that when visiting a grave; but Jisuk was none to talk to herself just to soothe her own emotions.   Instead she got out a pen and paper; wrote one short sentence and proceeded to fold the piece of paper into an origami crane. Totally concentrated on her folding-game she did not notice another person entering the room – formal clothed even carrying a small flower-bouquet in his hand. He halted right next to her; his dress shoes right next to each other. The sudden scent of gillyflowers made Jisuk look up to the man and nearly choked on her own saliva seeing the handsome young man from the elevator at the hotel standing right next to her and about to open one of the compartments. Her gaze wandered from his striking profile to the urn the bouquet was laid next to. A picture of another smiling face of a woman rather young for people normally laying cremated here. She read the name – Park Yeohwa. It seemed he hadn’t noticed her yet. He was totally in his own world – probably with his thoughts by this woman. Jisuk had finished her crane and placed it next to Uncle Sangshik’s picture in between all the other cranes she had folded in those many years before, quietly collected her stuff and left him alone – she thought he deserved at least some privacy. Her visit was over anyways.

 She stood in front of the columbarium right next to the bus-station. She tried watching the street – the people walking down on it – but as there was nothing really happening her gaze always found its way back to her phone, just to realize that only one minute had passed. 56 still to go! In these moments she missed her motorbike the most. She never had to wait for any public transportation. Since she had her own two wheels. However, every time she was leaving Seoul she had to leave it behind and was stuck waiting somewhere without even a bus shelter. Jisuk needed a car! A nice, sleek and fast car. A dream she was looking forward to for a long time now - or at least since she got her driver’s license. But no matter how many part-time jobs she took she was still too far away of ever realizing that dream. 

The young man from earlier left the columbarium, his black head of hair flew with the wind as he was about to walk past her with car keys jingling in his hand. Coincidentally, he saw the twenty-something girl standing there and remembered her as the one from the hotel losing her stuff in the corridor. “Ah, hello” he bowed his head and she mirrored his movement a little surprised. He glanced at his watch and pointed casually at the bus-sign, “The next one is coming in an hour”. “Ah, I already know. Thank you” she smiled back awkwardly and took out her mobile to avoid him – why was he suddenly talking to her making this situation into an uneasy one. He pulled his mouth corners to the side and nodded making a move to walk to the parking lot. However, halted again upon seeing dark clouds starting to cover the sun and looked back to the woman now fixated on her phone. “Are you going back to your hotel?” he asked her out of the blue catching Jisuk off-guard. “What?” “Are you – by chance – going back to the hotel”? “No-no, I heard you the first time… why would you want to know” she stressed the appellation hoping he would get the memo that staying in the same hotel wouldn’t make them friends or allowing him to do some small talk or stuff. He signed upwards to the sky. “I am going back to the hotel and it looks like rain is coming, and you got no bus shelter and…” he motioned with his hand holding the keys to a white Hyundai i40. Jisuk’s eyes followed his arm to the four-wheeler. “Are you offering me a ride?” He hesitated – then nodded. “Basically, yes.” His hands disappeared in his pockets as he shifted from one foot to the other. “I don’t go into stranger’s cars – but thanks anyways” she offered a smile. He shrugged, walked over to his car and sat down behind the steering wheel. Jisuk impatiently looked at the time again and saw the lights of the white car being turned on – should she just go? Or stay 50 minutes? Just to drive another hour? Without a second question she jumped up and ran over to the car, opening the door to the passenger seat. The man stared at her with shocked round eyes as she sat down next to him anyways. “I’m Bak Jisuk, and you are?” she reached out her hand for him to shake it slightly taken aback. “My name’s Park Jinyoung.” “Pleased to meet you”, she forced a laugh and retracted her hand to stare out of the window while he pulled out of the lot onto the street.

John M Edwards from Madison Indiana

John and I started dating in June of 2012. We met through a dating website (POF) and he looked like the perfect guy. We texted all day and talked on the phone for hours every night. He was so sweet and even though we lived 4 hours apart, he surprised me at the most adorable of ways by sending me flowers or stuff like that. In August I moved to west lafayette since I began attending Purdue University. Between him working full time and having drill a weekend of this month (because he is in the military NG), and me going to school all during the week and working on the weekends, we only saw each other one weekend out of the month. But then, things were great. We constantly had the best time together and shared wonderful memories. We would go back and forth composing every other long sweet texts professing our love for each other and it was like a fairy tale. But I discovered it started to stop sometime in january. And when I brought this to his attention, he'd say it was because he had been busy hanging out with a friend and hed send one afterwards, or he fell sleep and forgot. In March of 2013, I found out that I was pregnant. He was supposed to be set up to Egypt that June, but the day after I discovered, his installation was cancelled and I thought it was destiny. I finished out the session and we have an apartment together May in his hometown (4 hours away from all of my loved ones and friends). I moved down there to be with him and begin our family together. I found an excellent job within 2 weeks and things were going great. Then I began to notice changes. He went out every weekend to the bars with his friends, leaving me home alone with nothing to do and nobody to hangout with or talk to. I couldnt go if I wanted to because A) I was only 20. And B) he didnt need me out in crowded public areas because theres a great deal of dumb drunk idiots out there and somebody could bump into me and god forbid it caused any harm to the baby. Well I started becoming suspicious because he would stay out in the bars until 4am, yet they closed at 3. (and in addition, he got a DUI in July after blowing a .15 and had his license suspended for a month and was put on probation for the next year, yet still went out and drank in the pubs anyways because his best friend was a cop) He'd conceal his phone and take it with him when he went to shower or poop. He kept a lock on his telephone that I constantly had the code , but then he began altering it and any moment I'd ask for this, hed get defensive or make up and explanation. And when I figured it out, hed change it again the following moment. One night I had figured out the passcode to his telephone and I unlocked it. I found he had a snapchat from some girl, so I viewed it, and it was a photo of her VAGINA. Not full blown, however, it was a straight shot of her pants unzipped with panties on. Obviously my mouth dropped and I woke him up right then pissed off asking questions (bad thought. Always stay cool and get your ducks in a row first). Nicely he course played it off and stated that she had been just a an ex girlfriend of one of his buddies and he had no clue why she'd send him something like that and that hed obstruct her. Well I knew better, but of course gave him the benefit of the doubt. He then got another part time job to help save extra cash before our daughter was born and had gone to see him one night and the women were quite friendly with me and knew we were together and expecting a child except ONE girl. Well I discovered they were friends on facebook and she too was shot with a kid. Well I added her and she never approved. Then I saw text messages on his phone between the both of them as if they had been attempting to get to know each other (such as you do when you first start talking to somebody asking for pictures, etc). He told me it was his friend in the office texting her from his phone bc his was broken. I knew that was probably bullshit but when we hung out with this friend one evening, I asked him when john had gone into the restroom and he confirmed it, so I let it go. (turns out that he was covering for him) oh and also the best part was that after I finally found out this, I found out that this particular woman lived in the same neighborhood as us, just a street over!! Well he quit that job soon after because he said he didnt like it there and got yet another part time job working in video. (he had worked there before and left on good terms so they hired him right away). Well he worked up until a few days before our daughter was born and then just stopped showing up and finally got fired bc he didnt need to have to work for thanksgiving. Nicely November 2013 comes and I have my girl, the most beautiful little girl in the world. He was right there with me every step along the way, through the 16 and a half an hour of labour. I had her and he remained there with me that the whole 3 days we had been in the hospital. He seemed so filled with love and security (like a father should have) that I thought maybe hed realize that a household is more important than anything or anyone. He'd taken another week off of work so he could stay home and be there with us I had been on paid maternity leave for 6 weeks from my job. He came straight home from work daily and could stay home every weekend (except the evenings he had drill). Well one day his buddys girlfriend (who'd become my very best friend) told me that her boyfriend (johns BEST FRIEND) had informed her one night which John had cheated on me with a woman named Olivia at the Family Video shop where he used to work. That he was shutting one night and she came and watched him and they had sex in one of the temptations (aisle 4 or something as it had no detectors ) and this happened like a week until my daughter was born. Well I was angry since this was the SAME GIRL that'd befriended me months ahead, and we had actually hung out a few times and she came over to our apartment one day after our daughter was born. I thought it was strange how he sat there on his xbox enjoying his game and hardly ackowledged her, and the way she had been absolutely fine with thumping her boob and breastfeeding her 3 month old daughter (Yes, she had a girl, was a year younger than me, and her babys dad wants nothing to do with her or his child ). That his buddy would never state anything like that and that it never occurred. Well, Christmas time comes along with his buddy (the one whos a cop) articles a standing on facebook stating hes drinking with a friend of his and invites john over. John comments on it and says no he cant (because we were sitting there watching a movie) and his friend comments back and says that his hitler-ette had to calm down and quit controlling him. So I awakened on his buddy and he explained that the only reason john was was because I got pregnant and if I was brighter and had used birth control then I wouldnt even be here right now. So john went on his buddy and actually stood me up and I told him I want nothing to do with him at all and that he is not permitted over at our home or to visit our kid. He complied and his buddys title wasnt brought up again and they never hung out (even though they'd made up with eachother and still texted occasionally). Well in february, this exact same friend of his has been caught red handed cheating on his girlfriend (my now best friend) with some girl for the previous 2 months. Well things happened between those who I say, but now instead of being a police officer, hes sitting for the next 8 years and can have no contact with either of his daughters or his ex girlfriend (my buddy ). Well the night this all occurred, I wake up into a text message saying we had been perfect. They were cheating with (so and so). So I wake john up and tell him what she said and he said that she had been making s*** up to try to break us up since her connection was about to ***. And since I had no evidence, I let it all go. Well I had posted a standing about cheaters and a week later I get an anonymous letter in the mail at my WORK, addressed to me personally, stating (in badly disguised sloppy handwriting) they saw my status and know for a fact that john had cheated on me with atleast 3 different women, and gave titles. And that they thought I must know (and one of the girls names was Olivia, from earlier in my story). This time I didnt mechanically show him my evidence and accuse him. I played it cool and wished to collect everything. So I figured out the password for his verizon accounts and looked in his telephone records and saw a number continuously popping up on there. I printed everything! That night, iIwake around 1 because my daughter started crying and I started to feed her so she could go back to sleep. I discovered it vibrate, but it didnt light up. (he's an iphone) therefore I click on the home button, and it doesnt show anything on the monitor. (keep in mind his phone is also secured, so I cant test it fully because I dont know the password). Well then it goes back, but it was a different vibration than previously and the telephone really lit up this time. I seem and its some remark notification for facebook. So right then and there's when I knew that he had blocked the alarms for texts so I couldnt see (since it shows that the first portion of the message onto the lock screen) so I waited till he finally awakened at 5:30 that morning and went to check his phone, like he does every morning. And I told him to waitand that I needed to sit behind him as he assessed it. He immediately asked why and I said since somebody texted you at 1:30 in the afternoon and the notification did not show on the display so I wanna understand who it is. He immediately got defensive and said no! That he wasnt going to continue doing so s*** and that I have to trust him. That Saturday nighthe went out to the bars and got really drunk, and for the first time in the past year and a half, I went to a bonfire with my pal and two of her woman friends. It was just the four people plus her friends husband and his friend. I requested Johns mother and sister to babysit for a couple hours so I could hangout and have a wonderful time, and they were happy to. Well once I was there for about an or two, johns sister calls me and informs me john found they were babysitting and got really pissed off that I wasnt house with our daughter. So I advised her id be home soon and she said that he was already on his way home. Well then I get a call from john who asks me what Im doing, I tell him Im at a bonfire and he flips out on me and says could O pawn off our kid to somebody else (if it was his mother and sister) and that I was a horrible mom. (yet he had been the one who was piss ass drunk). So I push instantly home and hes sitting on the sofa with his friend, and his mother and sister are sitting on the other end of the sofa with my daughter. I walk in, since the door was unlocked and he gets up and goes into the bathroom (where he began puking his guts out bc thats how drunk he was the same guy that blew a .15 and believed he was absolutely fine to push and hadnt drank so far ). Well his sister and I go out and she explains to me exactly what happened when he got home. He flew into a rage and began screaming stuff and saying how I was nuts if I thought I was going to have the ability to come in the home and blah blah blah. Nicely his sister told him into the stfu and said shes a mommy. shes going to call the cops. Youll go to prison! Stop being an idiot and calm down! . Well we didnt say a word to each other the rest of the night and his friend passed out, and I slept on the sofa. After that day, one of his own friends had called me and asked what had occurred between us bc he saw we werent together on facebook and I told him why and he explained that was actually cheating on me with this one girl, the one he maintained was texting his friend through his mobile phone. And how he bragged about it to him saying oh this woman is texting me and sending me these pics and what not all happy about it. So that next Saturday, while he was at drill, my parents and my cousin came down with their 12 passenger van and pickup and they moved all of mine and my daughters things back to fort wayne to my parents home. He freaked out on me initially and posted a lot of bullshit on facebook to get sympathy from people who had no idea what actually happened, and I filed that Monday for child service and we had our court in july because he didnt wish to agree on more than $200 a month to get support when Im paying $500 per month daily care alone. _Ùªâ I'd post the women that he cheated on me with, but to tell the truth, I dont know all of their names because there were too many to count. They knew we had been hell the whole town did because its a very small city, nevertheless still fIIked around with him. But the moment I began to get suspicious about one, hed drop them and move on to the next. So hes the actual HOMEWRECKER within this story and he deserves to be here and these chicks will get whats coming to them as will he _Ùªâ The one thing I am thankful for throughout this whole mess was my lovely daughter, along with also the fact that besides his lying adulterous ways, he's really a fantastic father to her. Read the full article