#anyways im gonna make another post now and talk about
Note
I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:
I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]
This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing
This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me
Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.
With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…
It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.
Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.
To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.
It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]
When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.
And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…
It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.
I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.
So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.
And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.
Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.
To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…
Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.
But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.
So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.
And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?
Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…
Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…
Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]
To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.
He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.
Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…
As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.
Self-destructiveness
It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.
I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.
I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.
From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.
Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad
I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.
The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."
Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")
Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.
Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.
I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.
Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]
I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…
Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]
Lol
Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity
Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]
Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately
That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.
This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.
Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.
High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks
I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.
Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)
Lol…
Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others
Lmao Even…
Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)
I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.
Abandonment issues
Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.
Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place
Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG
Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]
Rofl Perhaps…
Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]
He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.
Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)
Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.
Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")
The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.
[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard
EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…
......
... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao
ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE
#long post#cw csa#doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately#snap chats#THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit#I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby#and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them#i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them#i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics#so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects#tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine#the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less#when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense#THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato#even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre#cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist#but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi#BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY#childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL#i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good#so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That
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Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,
I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off.#to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one#but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time.#my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here.#the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.#im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession.#it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous.#but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole.#maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth.#that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing.#idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death#to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole?#i dont fucking think so!#yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight#even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death#whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life.#it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!!#and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this#bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about.#but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger...#and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol#anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes.#but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen...#negative/#i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.
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Holy shit! I just realized the reason I couldn't fucking see darker art on my phone screen is because I forgot I turned the brightness way down last night and never fixed it. I feel so stupid.
#i can now see the fanart id been looking at without it being mostly shadowed aha#crab says words#i keep my brightness pretty low but i had a headache last night so turned it almost all the way off#it was enough for it to be darker but not super obvious hence the being dumb and not fixing it#anyways i actually came here to talk about how i had a physical therapy appointment but they told me that actually im fine so uh#they recommended seeing neurology for my head issues and maybe pain management and to come back later when i knew more specific stuff#i didnt even know there was a specialized pain management department at the hospital#honestly i think i manage just fine *dramatic flailing that indicates that im both horribly offend and also lying*#anyways yeah still not diagnosed and still in constant pain lets go! i have another appointment next month for something else#its like rheumatology? i dont know what they do aha but apparently i need to see them to get diagnosed?#i am a perfectly mature and functional adult.... (my mother made the appointments and knows the information)#i am absolutely useless :D#and with all that said! sorry i was too lazy to make this two different posts lmao#the pt appointment left me with a horrible headache that i still have so im gonna go cry about it :)
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Two things I've been thinking about DR since yesterday when I replayed to do snowgrave,,,,, one is that I'm really starting to feel a future where we can play as Susie is being teased considering we had a playing sequence w her and that she's the most independent of em. And Two is that I'm sooooo convinced that Noelle will be a secret boss eventually 🫣 I just know it man.
#luly talks#deltarune#i actually haven't realized how well of a parallel susie makes compared to anyone else being THE most independent one#I'm eating my fingers thinking of where that might lead AUGH#and about noelle well according to some guy so far all secret bosses got that fallen angel motif . hang on#i just thought of the various routes we're gonna experience with the new chapters and i felt a wave of joy and peace hit me#uh. well yeah they said that and like for Spamton yeah for jevil idk but i trust em anyway She's literally Angel#im thinking of my favorite addison now whatever for another post uh#YEAH WELL ANGEL AND SHE SURE IS FALLING FROM GRACE NOW WOULDN'T IT BE AWFUL IF SHE TURNED AGAINST US WITH WHAT SHE LEARNT?#very much convinced it will happen i just know it my uncle works at Toby fox inc. its true
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guogugh. guguugoguguhg., sentimental hours
#nothin happened LOL i am just . oh i am thinkgin (positive)#im just sitting her elike oh wow im gonna. like. meet my gf in person in the next year or two at least#and !!!! idk its kinda funny i think abt it a lot n in my mind its like OH its not a big deal its gonna happen no mattr what so :]#but then sometimes i like REALLY think about it and im like oh my god. like. Im Gonna Meet Her One Day in person and. idk JSKDLKJG#its hard 2 explain !!!!! ig its just like when i passively think abt it im like oh yeah tahts neat :]#but then i REALLY start to think about it and im like no WAIT thats not just NEAT thats fucking EPIC ACTUALLY?? thats BASED?????#bc idk !!!!!!!!!! ig lately its been. like. Not As Bad. the distance has been Bearable. we're able to vc somewhat frequently and we can#video chat occasionally so its not like our only way of talking is thru text. sometimes i can acutaly verbally talk 2 her n that definitely#makes things. Better. yk what i mean. but idk cause now im just thinking n im like ougughh Ggrrouuggh (positive)#gough eve n just thinking abt meeting her is like givigng me butterflies im all . jittery. and i mean jittery in the most positive way poss#*possible. liek im not anxious jittery im just like EXCITED jittery. BUT LIKE ALSO KINDA ANXIOUS ??#BUT IN A GOOD WAY I PROMmy its that kind of anxious u get when something excited is gonna happen n ur all excited but like nervous#but in a good way. you get wha t i mean right. im just hrhngkdjnkjbhj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jlkdfgbkj :)#and I KNOW its gonna b a while its gonna b a few years im gonna have to save up to get a plane ticket n to afford to be able to like#have someone move my stuff from my state to her state (sinc i mgonna be living with her where she is) but. surely it cant be that expensive#anyways sory ive been going back and forth someone (cough cough loioks at my gf ocugh cOUhhhgh) sent me an ask on another blog#so ive bene going back n forth in typing in this post and in that other post and i m just Grrough (positive) alslo my head hurts ouchIE#anyways thats all this is kidn of a random post im just !!!!!! many thoguhts head full of positive thoughts JKSDJLKJLKG
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#flowers arts#(ghosts can die hes talking about gueeg. anyway this only reinforces his behavior even though its NOT TRUE)#trying to make a distinction between ghost and memory is stupid But hes doing it anyway Thats ANOTHER reason to hate BOB the KILLER#i used a different color pallet because Sometimes you get sick of it. Sometimes#i wanted to make stupid valentines cards but i dont really have the time for that. its WORK ON ENTRY and then WORK ON PORTFOLIO for me ..#and then find a job that gives me enough hours and time and whatever. Uwah ..#lw#maybe i was gonna talk about more things but thats for another time i suppose (the forgetter) Im gonna go take a bath now Smile#also. sorry for posting a lot today (and possibly other days) i think whenever i see tumblr open i just wanna post something Always#obnoxiously so. it is my blog of course but I still think about the repercussions sometimes
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ok so like since the pilot episode i saw how Cuddy and House banter and their chemistry and like while i usually ship characters with banter like theirs, with them I just thought they should have a one night stand and call it a night. Like i dont think itll fix anything but for one night, why not? just get it out of their system. Then season 3 established that they might of kind of have feelings for each other (not to each other and not even in the same episodes) but other than that their banter stood the same
But now, in season 5, after losing a baby after 3 years of wanting one and he comes to comfort her and she yells at him for negating, (bc back when he was in withdrawal and throughout this ep said that shed suck as a mom and here he says she would of been great as one) he says he doesn't know why and then they make out
And while its not a one night stand I feel vindicated that they're doing something with these two that has been a thing for 5 seasons now. also bc when i saw Cuddy sitting on the floor of the would be baby room and heard the door knock, i knew it was House and something like this was gonna happen. the emotions were there for this to happen
#prince's talk tag#im so normal about this show#i've been saying irl that they should fuck and be done (i dont think theyd be good for one another as a couple but a one time thing sure)#(unless the show is gonna prove me wrong)#and i see something is gonna start now. maybe next episode will continue it maybe a few episodes from now or maybe the season finale#who knows (besides the people who've watched already)#my regret was not making a post about wanting them to fuck and be done before watching this episode so i can go back on it and be like#'!!!!! something's happening!!!!'#anyway i gotta sleep now but this was one hell of a cliffhanger for me to leave off on
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I'm so glad I finally have a job where I get to actually interact with people. Except for part where I am constantly thinking think "be normal be normal these ppl are cool and nice pls be normal no don't say poggers in front of them be normal be normal don't verbally stim they will hear you be normal be normal be normal be normal act normal do not bring up your hyperfixations they will think you are crazy be normal be normal brain pls shut up be normal memorise how to do this pls brain pls act normal act normal" because I'm not comfortable with or firmialiar with any of them yet.
#jeanscreams#i know i dont have to but thats always how i feel around ppl#especially when i want to get along with them#ALL MY CO WORKERS SEEM SO NICE PLS I JUST WANNA GET ALONG WITH THEM AT LEAST.#tbf half of them are leaving soon anyway i really should not be worried#but then i have to get to know new ppl uughhhh#a hate the learning curve so much#also can you tell ppl give me anxiety#vent#im fine tho i am loving my job#ANOTHER THING I HATE IS THAT I CANT TALK TO PPL ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA SAY IM STUPID AND OVERTHINKING#I KNOW THAT DUMBASS THAT DOESN'T MEAN STOPPING IS EASY#probably shouldn't be venting about this on tumbr#ugh#i guess ill post it to my alt#that blog is baisically my journal now.#adhd#<- the person at fault for this shit#fuckin brain making me bad at social shit#its fine its fine you will find ppl who love you for your weirdness its fine#< affirmations
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Hihii...!!! i really love ur HCs and i wanted to ask if you're comfortable with these types of character writing, what r ur headcanons on kenma, kuro, tsuki n maybe suna would act when they're drunk ? like would they be a bit different than their usual self ? sorry to ask a lot but im more curious on ur thoughts on kenma ;; .. write whatever u can, idm ! thank u ehehe have a good one ! >_< <3
" LET'S GET DRUNK! "
summary. they’re drunk lolz
characters. kenma, kuroo, tsukishima
warnings. afab!reader, drinking/alcohol, post timeskip!!!^^
a/n. yesss i love kenma, many thoughts on him!! he’s my favorite!!! didn’t add suna because i don’t really know his character that well :( added a kenma bonus to make up for it tho!
KENMA
☆ i think he’d be a sleepy drunk. he's out as soon as his head hits any soft surface— maybe even before! i feel like he also acts grumpier, mumbling complaints when you wake him up and try to move him (he was passed out on your shoulder in the car, you have to get him to bed!)
☆ his face gets kinda pink, like he’s blushing. he’s pale, so it’s more noticeable than it would be on someone else. his eyes get droopy and his face sort of relaxes, so he looks mean and tired.
☆ he stubbles slightly, but he surprisingly manages to maneuver himself pretty well for a drunk person. just don’t ask him to do a cartwheel or anything… he couldn’t even do one of those while sober.
☆ he doesn’t drink often, so he’s a light weight… plus he’s skinny and on the smaller side, so he doesn’t have to drink much to get a buzz. he’s usually responsible though, but sometimes he celebrates too hard (with a bit of a push from kuroo)
☆ he doesn’t get any more talkative, but he’s less filtered that normal. i don’t think he’d be too flirty or mean, but if he got drunk enough he may compliment you a couple times.
BONUS:
☆ the type to get so drunk he forgets who you are. you come find him to pick him up after someone called you, and he’s face down on the table. you nudge him, trying to gently guide him to stand, but he’s immediately swatting you away, grumbling about how he has a girlfriend.
"leave m' alone— got a girlfriend already," he slurs, raising his head to drunkenly glare at you. his eyes narrow further when you laugh.
"kenma… i’m you’re girlfriend," you tell him, always finding it a bit amusing when he gets this drunk. he’s not too much of a hassle though, since he usually knocks right out when you get home and tuck him in.
he's silent for a moment, just staring at you up and down. he wears the same expression he has whenever he buys a new video game, excited and in awe.
"really…?" he asks, a hopeful tone in his voice. now that he’s looking at you… you are really pretty. he really hopes you're his girlfriend.
"yes, really. i’m gonna take you home, okay? cmon," you urge, gently grabbing his arm and helping him stand. he complies this time, his eyebrows raising.
"we live together?" he questions, the situation just getting better and better to him.
"we do," you confirm, another giggle leaving you. it doesn’t really hurt your feelings that he doesn’t remember, you find it more amusing and entertaining than anything.
"… im so lucky," you hear him whisper under his breath, looking at you as you guide him to the car.
KUROO
☆ he'd be a funny drunk i think… a bit of a handful, and is entertaining at first, but eventually gets annoying. his emotions kind of double when he’s intoxicated, and he’s also kind of erratic. really energetic after his first few drinks, but if he’s extra drunk, he’s more emotional.
☆ his eyes get a little watery, but that’s about it. he actually looks more lively while he’s drunk, because he makes more facial expressions.
☆ he can’t stand straight at all, especially if he’s had more than a couple drinks. needs support to walk, otherwise he'll fall. he’s heavy though, and puts majority of his weight on you, so sometimes you end up falling anyway.
☆ he can handle his alcohol pretty well. takes him a few drinks to get a buzz, but he doesn’t usually stop there. mostly drinks to celebrate things, or at parties. never drinks alone, that’s just boring and sad to him.
☆ probably asks you random stupid questions like "what number am i?" or "what animal would i be?" (follows up that second question with "would you still love me if i was that animal?")
☆ i think he’s more talkative, but he speaks faster and his words are kinda jumbled, so it’s hard to understand him sometimes. he gets a lot more sappy, constantly complimenting you and telling you that he loves you (he does that all the time already)
"y're sooo pretty, love you s' much."
TSUKISHIMA
☆ not that much different than when he’s sober, honestly. he gets more mellow, surprisingly, though it might be because alcohol makes him a little sleepy, similar to kenma. he isn’t quick to fall asleep, but he’s not energetic and jumping around.
☆ his face is more relaxed, which makes him look even more intimidating and mean. his eyes get a little red around the edges, but that’s mostly it.
☆ stubbles quite a bit and holds things for support. if you try to help him, he’ll snip and you and complain that he doesn’t need your help to walk. (he does, and eventually gives in and leans on you a bit when he almost falls on his face)
☆ also a lightweight. doesn’t go drinking unless he’s invited, and even then he’s usually the designated driver. on top of that, he hates being hung over, and he hates throwing up, so he rarely gets super drunk. kuroo tries to persuade him sometimes, but the most he gets his a little tipsy.
☆ probably gets into debates with people about certain topics that he likes, arguing with them about facts and opinions. he usually wins. even when he’s drunk, he’s still quick witted.
☆ he fights you on everything, insisting he’s fine and "not drunk" whenever you try to help him. you end up ignoring his complaints and just assist him with changing and getting into bed anyway. he’s asleep pretty quickly, especially if you run his back/scalp.
"i don’t need help— i'm not even that drunk!"
#x reader#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x reader#kenma x you#kenma x y/n#kenma hcs#kenma drabble#kenma headcanons#kenma fluff#kenma x reader#kuroo x reader#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo x you#kuroo x y/n#kuroo fluff#kuroo headcanons#kuroo drabble#kuroo hcs#tsukishima hcs#tsukishima x you#tsukishima x y/n#tsukishima fluff#tsukishima x reader#tsukki headcanons#tsukishima kei#kenma kuzome#kuroo tetsurou#taintedtort#tortrequests
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The void is The quantum field?
I found out about the void back in november 2023 on pinterest, and I joined tumblr because of it.
Last night, I came across a tiktok video with the title "how to know if you're in the quantum field in your joe dispenza meditation". The girl in the video basically said things like:
-Being disconnected from your 3D reality, how disconnected you are from the 3d from the meditation.
-in order to create from the quantum, you can't be in space time, you have to be in time space.
-You can't be trying to create from 3D, you have to be creating from "NOTHINGNESS"
-going to your inner world
Link to the tt video: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSF1nWtBc/
That's what she said. It hits me when she mentioned the word "nothingness" because the void is basically also the nothingness. The void is being everything and NOTHING at the same time. And I thought does that mean the quantum field and the void are the same thing? so if we do joe dispenza quantum field meditation we can get into the void? So you can simply go into the void/quantum field thru his meditation?
I'm not promoting doctor joe dispenza or anything i wouldn't call myself an expert im just someone in the void community. I just thought this could help you guys!
Anyway I found some of his quantum meditation on yt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwHLLVvPAng&pp=ygUlam9lIGRpc3BlbnphIHF1YW50dW0gZmllbGQgbWVkaXRhdGlvbg%3D%3D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PWmCQMKwEw&t=27s&pp=ygUlam9lIGRpc3BlbnphIHF1YW50dW0gZmllbGQgbWVkaXRhdGlvbg%3D%3D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_Jz7iy7wN0&t=600s&pp=ygUlam9lIGRpc3BlbnphIHF1YW50dW0gZmllbGQgbWVkaXRhdGlvbg%3D%3D
I'd recommend doing the first one which is 1h 30mins bc idk it seems better. It may be long but do it for your desire life. Note: English is not my first language, I have never posted sth like this before idk if my explanations is understandable. I just want to share this everyone in the community.!
@voidprincessblog pls help share this to everyone 😭😭😭
Hii love!! omg tysm for this <33.
Yess, the void has many different names to it and the " Quantum Field " is one of them. I've read becoming supernatural by Dr Joe dispenza and it's phenomenal. Many people have entered the Void State/ Quantum Field. I'm gonna talk about this right now and link some stuff from the book that y'all can read from.
What does Dr Joe dispenza say about the " QUANTUM FIELD " ?
" As you enter this endless, vast space as an awareness, there are no bodies, no people, no objects, no places, and no time. Instead, infinite unknown possibilities exist as energy. So if you find yourself thinking about knowns in your life, you are back in the three-dimensional reality of space and time. But if you can stay in the blackness of the unknown for long enough, it will prepare you to create unknowns in your life. "
Success story of how someone got healed Instantly :
" After they unfolded into the quantum field, I then asked them to dimensionalize a scene from their Mind Movie. When the meditation was finished, I instructed them to lie down on the floor—but as Sarah told me later, she couldn’t find the floor. She kept reaching lower and lower, searching for it, but it was no longer there. The next thing she knew, she was in another dimension having a full-on IMAX-like sensory experience—but without her senses. She was living a future scene of her Mind Movie. Enough circuits in her brain had turned on to make her internal experience as real as any external experience she had ever had. She was not visualizing this scene—she was in it, living it.
“I realized I was in another reality, a different time and space—I was in my future,” she explained. “And I was actually performing aerial yoga. I was hanging upside down and the floor wasn’t there. I kept reaching for it, but I was just swinging upside down from this beautiful red silk scarf. I felt freedom from my pain. I was swinging freely in space.” Eventually she did lie down, with tears of joy flowing down her cheeks. When she came out of that meditation, all of her pain was gone.
“I knew I was healed,” she said. “I was in awe of the power of my mind and I felt tremendous gratitude. I continue to manifest things from my Mind Movie—in fact, my Mind Movie can’t even keep up with my life.”
Also, there was an anon from an deactivated blog which spoke about entering the void by using Dr Joe dispenza way. I'm gonna copy and paste it here, and link it too 🖤.
" i have a fabulous book by dr.joe dispenza (how to become supernatural). he talks of the void state or the zero state and how you’re open to all possibilities and timelines. in it, he directed to first become aware of your body, the space you take between the folds of your skin, the space you take in your room, your home, your neighborhood, and the world. now- you must forget all of this and focus only on the black behind your eyelids. you must become no one, no thing, no body, no time in space. you must forget of your accomplishments, your worries, relationships- anything that makes YOU, you. literally on the first “try” of doing what he said i got into the void. it’s so easy i understand how stressful and confusing the void can be but just try to let go of all of that and focus on being nothing. imagine a beam of light going through the black space where your affs travel. stay focused and try not to dwell on the 3D. do not pay attention to the time or if you’re itchy- whatever. just having a clear mind helped me so much. ofc, this is not required but it does help!! " Original link
#void state#void state technique#void state tips#void success#law of assumption#the void state#manifestion#neville goddard#void thoughts#ask answered#law of manifestion#loasblog#loas technique#loas tumblr#loassblog#loassumption#instant manifestation#manifesting#reality shifting methods#desired reality#4d reality#states of consciousness#void state success story#subconscious#living in the end#reprogramming subconscious#spirituality#manifesting instantly
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my sp story <3
hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol
but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it
then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!
anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough
and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!
so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality
so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?
if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)
ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!
if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:
it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol
anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.
another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!
so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.
you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.
anyway. back to my sp story!
so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!
anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭
it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha
anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.
with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.
the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d
another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.
and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.
NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!
he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.
anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭😭😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed
anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3
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I saw posts from another obey me blogger talking about demons and their body language. I saw a post about MC yawning showing off their teeth and the brothers mistaking it for them trying to be intimidating. It was funny.
Anyways doing this with barbatos and diavolo because for some reason the phrase 'im tired' makes me yawn even if I'm not tired. Diavolo talking about how he's tired of paperwork and suddenly I'm yawning.
Or watching barbatos work and yawning like props to him. I could never, even if physically capable. I'm too lazy for that.
Yawning back and forth with Solomon and the others Wondering why were 'fighting' and who's gonna back down first.
Bows for barb
I really love the idea that the demons read body language differently. Things that are just regular stuff for us humans has some kind of alternate, deeper meaning to them.
I yawn a lot due to be perpetually sleepy, but my eyes always water a lot from it, too.
Imagine a bunch of demons who don't understand that MC isn't crying while aggressively baring their teeth... they're just like ??? you wanna fight, but you're sad about it??
Diavolo is doing paperwork, mentions he's tired and then you yawn and it's like, have I offended you somehow, MC??? Mess with him by responding no I just get angry about the piles of paperwork you always have to do >:(
Oh wow now I really wanna see Barbatos yawn. For some reason, I think it'd be super cute. I don't think he'd do it while he was working - or at least, not so anybody could see. Maybe he's ironing alone and just can't stifle a yawn. But I especially like the image of him just waking up, maybe in his demon form, stretching out his arms and his tail and his little hand-horns and yawning all huge. Ahahaha it'd be so cuuuute~
Right, sorry, didn't mean to get all simpy for Barb again...
Anyway, it would be interesting if demons don't have that thing that makes yawns contagious, too. Because then you and Solomon would be the only ones with that particular tendency. You guys are sitting next to each other just yawning in turns. Eventually you're like stop yawning, it's making me yawn! And Solomon's like me? you're the one making me yawn!
Meanwhile the demons are like... what are those two fighting about?
In the end, you both yawn enough that you just end up falling asleep, your head on his shoulder, his head on your head, just snoring away.
Then the demons are really perplexed. Weren't they just fighting?!?! Now they're asleep??? Humans are weird. (Maybe Belphie is the only one who knows this isn't how it works, but he lets the others stay confused because it's funny.)
#lol this has so much potential#also just love the image of sleepy Barb waking up#and sleepy Solomon & MC falling asleep on each other#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me solomon#bows for barb anon#misc answers
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Helloo!!! im in such a Jason Grace era these days and fics for him are SO limited in the fandom?? its actually super sad. i loved your previous jason fic smm, Would you consider making a Jason x fem!reader where Jason just has a veryy bad day, he gets overwhelmed by everything and everyone, and he just cries into reader's arms and she comforts him?
i feel like he deserved to just cry it all out atleast once, considering the amount of pressure the poor boy has had from everything :( so i would lovee to read about that!
⛧° as long as we're together °⛧
⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧
⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧
content: jason grace x fem!reader
warnings: angst but then it’s fluff, kinda short, cursing, 5’3 (1,60m) reader, life in New Rome!
a/n: HA LOOK WHO’S POSTING TWICE IN JUST ONE DAY???? hehehe i love this request so much my boo deserves more in his life i don’t fucking care.
⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧
Sometimes it’s just too hard to be Jason Grace.
The mighty son of Jupiter. Pontifex Maximus. Counselor of the Zeus cabin. Juno’s Champion. Hero of Omlympus. Centurion of the Fifth Cohoort.
The titles were endless. And so was the work.
And everyone, and i mean everyone, counted on him for various things and reasons.
“Hey Jason, are you coming to capture the flag?” Annabeth asked, every week.
“Hey superman, come to bunker 9!” As always, Leo wanting to show him some new cool tricks or projects.
“Oi, sparky! Can you help me pick an outfit for my date?” Piper would ask him.
He was just so tired. He just wanted to tell them all to fuck themselves.
But he would never. He was too noble to do that. He just wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he knew his friends were needing him and he was… well, being a human and an young adult, taking care of his own stuff.
So when he got home from another endless day, back to his shared apartment in New Rome and to his beautiful girlfriend, who made him his favorite dessert - brownies with caramel and peanuts -, he broke down almost instantly.
Obviously, you ran towards him, scooping him in your arms - which was a difficult task, since he was almost a whole foot taller than you - but you did it anyways, pulling him close to your body, letting him sob in your shoulder as you tried to soothe him.
You had never seen him cry like that, clinging on you for dears life. Once again, he was never one to show his real feelings to anyone, not even your or Thalia.
You scooted him in your arms, rubbing soft circles at his back while you whispered small ‘shh’s and ‘it’s gonna be okay’s in his ear, the both of you say in the floor of your cozy apartment.
After a few minutes of compulsive crying, your shoulder and the upper part of your white tank top completely soaked in hot, wet tears, he finally calmed down - at least a little.
“Hey, honey.” You finally whisper into his ear as he pulls away from your embrace, eyes all puffy and red as he sniffles and wipes his tears with the back of his hand.
“Hey..” He mumbles, his tone low and cracked as you kept caressing his hair smoothly. You caressed his hair and gave a soft and gentle kiss so his cheek.
“Are you okay?” You were answered with a soft nod of his head as he scooted closer to you, snuggling against you warm body and keeping his head on your chest. He looked like a five year old child, and that made you smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.. not now. Is that okay?” He asked, his voice all mushy and muffled by his cheek tightly pressed against you body.
“Of course it is, my love. Do you want to eat? We have pasta with that sauce you like.” She said between little kisses in his eyes, his cheeks, the bridge of his nose and his lips. “And i made you your favorite brownies.”
“Mmhmm…” He let out a content mumble, finally pulling away from him and giving you a kiss on the lips. “After that i… after that i’ll talk to you, ‘kay?”
“‘Kay. But you have to eat before. Come on, i’ll help you get up.” She said as she got up and held out her hand for him to grab.
You finally got on your feet, and you turned around to reheat the food. When you were at the oven, he wrapped his arms around your waist and nuzzled his face into your neck, breathing heavily as he kept the closest he could to you.
Soon, the food was on the table, and the doorbell rang. It was the girl that walked with your dog. You thanked her and pulled Thor, your golden retriever, inside the house.
He immediately went to Jason, wiggling his tail and giving him the biggest licks in the world while the blond laughed.
You smiled at the sight. You knew that he was obviously hurting with something, and you were going to discover with what, but, right now, he just needed some love.
You gave him just that, as you ate together chilling and chatting about your days, you talking more than him.
He helped you with the laundry while you washed the dishes, and the chores were finished very quickly. You went back and cuddled up on the couch, a massive ball of fur, aka your dog, resting comfortably between you two.
You heard when Jason sighed and felt his shoulders shaking, showing his impending collapse, once again. You cyy it deles him closer to you as he cried and cried. His sobs were the only thing heard in the house.
Ten minutes later, when he was calmer, you were stroking his hair in the softest way you could, making sure he would be ready to talk.
“I-i’m just so… tired. Of everything and everyone. It’s- i know it’s selfish, but i can’t help but want to just… ran away. To just stay with you and Thor and give up on the rest of the world.” He said, his words are muffled and smudgy as he holds onto you.
“I know, baby… You shouldn’t work yourself out. You’re doing too much. More than you should, and you know that. You have too much work.” She said, kissing the top of his head.
“I just- i can’t let them just, you know, alone. It’s.. i can’t.” The son of Jupiter said, crying more.
“Honey, they won’t be alone. We have Reyna and Frank and Percy and lots of other people that you can use some help from. You’re not alone. Ever.” She said, reassuringly.
“But-“
“No buts. You’re gonna take a week off, and we’re just gonna hang out here, together, with Thor. No works, no college, no Pontifex Maximus stuff. Just y/n and Jason. And that’s not a request.”
He mumbles something but snuggles closer to you. “Fine. As long as we’re together.”
a/n: i’m literally so proud of myself bro, i got to do two, TWO works today. i’m evolving boos
#postcards from leah#jason grace x reader#jason grace x y/n#jason grace#jason grace x you#percy jackson#pjo#pjo hoo toa
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could you write something about reader and johnnie related to the line 'he love me but he fucks me like he hates my guts' from the song yummy? ty 💕💕
Tease.
Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.
warnings: use of ma, baby, mama, love, babe, slut, cheating, rough sex, unprotected sex (please use protection lol), overstimulation, implied hair pulling.
third person.
Johnnie had never thought of you as anything more than his best friend. maybe he had thought about you late at night, biting his tongue so as not to wake up jake in the room over, but never past that. he had always shooed away the thought, anyway.
ever since his past girlfriend, he had refused to ever think of another person romantically. although, he had acknowledged from time to time how funny, kind, and beautiful you were. he admired you in a friend way, he told himself.
although, whenever you had posted a selfie laying in your bed in the cutest outfit he had ever seen, it made him rethink your relationship.
he thought about the way your face lit up brighter than the sun when you saw him and the way your hand would purposefully graze him every chance you got. how could he be so oblivious? he began to think as his feelings for you grew.
you never seemed to mention other guys until you did. it was late at night whenever you had walked into johnnies room and asked him for advice. you wanted to know how to respond to a flirty text some random guy on instagram had sent, you explained. You thought he was cute and lived just a city over. this infuriated johnnie, as his feelings had been brewing for about 3 months now.
it didn't help that he got to see you every day, not that he was complaining, but it was torture. he frequently thought of you in your booty shorts and oversized band t-shirt early in the morning, making breakfast. or the slutty dresses youd wear to parties every other weekend. dont even get him started on the rhinestone belts you incorporated into every outfit. you had one in every different color, and he believed it was the cutest thing, your little addiction to them. it became too much to bear, and he frequently considered pouring his heart out to you. but he never did. things were going well with the other guy, and all he wanted was for you to be happy.
first person.
"Why are we even hanging all of this up? everyone is gonna be too drunk to notice, anyway." i complained, my arms beginning to ache as i held the decorations of choice to the wall while johnnie pinned them.
he shrugged, his eyes trailing down my body as i stretched. "cause were cool."
"i guess," i sighed, "im so worried, the guy I've been talking to is coming tonight." truth was, i could give a fuck less about that guy. yeah, he was sweet, but he wasn't johnnie. he wasn't anywhere close to being as prefect as johnnie was.
i looked into his eyes, praying he would beg me to uninvite him and be his, but that didn't happen. "Don't be, you'll be good," he responded nonchalantly before turning away to go put up valuables in the house that could be broken.
i stared at him for a moment before turning around and tending to my own work.
"Do you think this dress is okay?" i asked frantically.
"y/n, people are about to start showing up, and you're still trying to get dressed -" johnnie began to scold as he turned around.
his face flushed as he admired me in the dress. his eyes hesitated, staring at the slit in the dress that revealed my thigh and how the cut of the dress complimented my cleavage. he stayed silent.
"...so?" i asked, putting my hands on my hips.
"yeah, its whatever. its good." he brushed me off, going to unlock the door.
i hated how much he acted like he didn't care. i rolled my eyes and walked back to my room to put my shoes on. even though it was my own house, i didn't want anyone looking at my feet, of course. i put on my comfiest pair of heels and went to grab the drinks from the kitchen. i organized them on the table, setting out the plastic cups. i felt an arm wrap around my waist as a presence moved next to me.
"hey, its good to see you." the guy from instagram whispered in my ear. i leaned into his touch, ignoring the growing ache in my heart. "you look stunning."
"Thank you," i smile, "it's good to see you, too." This was only the second time we had ever seen each other in person.
i heard johnnie laughing behind me, presumably speaking to jake. i glanced behind me to see him leaning on the counter. he looked at me at the exact same time. He held his breath as his eyes ran over every part of me before turning his attention back to jake.
i sighed, "you wanna go dance?" i asked, hoping he'd say yes and hoping johnnie would hate it.
his eyes shined with lust, "Of course."
i grabbed his hand and dragged him into the other room, making sure we were still in johnnies vision. the guys hands moved to my hips immediately, pulling me onto him. my eye twitched with anger. i hoped it would work. i hoped and prayed johnnie would give in and make me his, so i had a reason to end this situationship. distractions weren't working anymore.
i kept my eyes on johnnie as he turned to watch. his eyebrows scrunched together whenever he saw the way i was pressed into the guy. his hand gripped the cup tighter, his knuckles turning white. i held eye contact the whole time, my gaze never leaving his as our movements became more sexual.
johnnie turned back to jake, saying something before setting his cup down and walking over to me. "can i steal you for a second?"
"Sure, bro," the guy said, taking his hands off of me and letting me walk away with johnnie.
"what, johnnie?" i groan, "im just trying to have fun."
he pushed me into my room and shut the door behind us and locked it. "what the fuck do you think youre doing?"
"what do you mean?" my heart raced.
"You know exactly what you're doing." he whispered in my ear, his pale arms snaked around me and grabbed my hips. "You've been teasing me for so long."
he pulled me closer. i pressed my hands against his chest. "really? what makes you say that?" i taunted.
"Those tiny jean shorts you wear around the house. you never wear them out, so i know they're for me. and those studded belts you always wear that somehow make your body even sexier than it already is." his hands slid down my thighs and pulled up my dress. it bunched around my waist as he squeezed my ass. "you really think i dont notice all the slutty little things you do?"
i bit my lip, feeling his nails digging into my flesh. "i was hoping you did. ive wanted you for so long."
"me too, mama." he replied before crashing his lips onto mine.
the kiss was rough and needy. he pressed me against the wall, his hands dragging up my body to my tits. he squeezed and pawed at them, not bothering to be gentle. i let out a soft moan on his lips. i felt him grow harder through his jeans as he pressed into me. i began to pull off of his shirt, immediately returning to the kiss as it landed on the floor. he wrapped his hand around my neck, squeezing gently. our teeth occasionally clashed as we tried to take as much of each other as possible.
he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist before bringing me to the bed. he tossed me down on my back before crawling on top of me. his mouth found the soft spot on my neck, biting and sucking until dark hickeys covered my neck and chest. he pulled the top of my dress down, revealing my bare chest.
he hummed, "god, you're so beautiful." he murmured before taking my nipple into his mouth. his tongue swirled over the bud, sucking gently. i moaned and arched my back, grinding onto his buldge.
"fuck, johnnie, let me have you." i pleaded, beginning to unbuckle his pants.
"Yes, ma'am." he complied, pulling his pants and boxers down around his ankles. his hard dick sprung out of his jeans.
i hissed, "shit."
johnnie slipped his middle and ring finger in my mouth. "Spit, baby." i did as he told, licking his fingers before spitting on them. my gaze never left his. i watched as lust overtook his eyes. "Good girl."
he rubbed my spit on his cock, wincing slightly as the friction. his slender fingers slipped through the lace strap of my underwear, pulling them down. i choked out curses as the cold air hit my pussy.
"god, youre fucking soaked." he smriked, "youre going to do so good for me, ma."
he gripped my hips, aligning his tip with my entrance before slowly sliding his cock inside of me. my mouth fell ajar as a soft moan escaped my lips. he bottomed out, giving me a moment to adjust to his size. my walls squeezed his cock, sending shivers through my body.
"fuck," he choked out, "are you okay?" he checked, running his hand over my cheek and pulling on my bottom lip.
i nodded quickly, wrapping my legs around his waist. his fingers intertwined with mine, putting one hand above my head. his other stayed on my hip, gripping so tightly i figured there'd be bruises in the morning. he began to thrust slowly, taking his time with me.
"I've wanted to feel you for so long," he muttered on my lips before kissing me softly. "god, youre so perfect. do you think you can take me, babe?"
i hesitated before nodding. "yes, oh my- please."
he moved his hand, so he had a firm hold on my hips. speeding up his pace, he whispered sweet nothings under his breath. "That's it, baby." his hand flew to my clit, rubbing circles.
my back arched slightly as i threw my head back. he took that to his advantage, his cock driving further into me. "Oh, shit." i moaned, placing my hand on his chest. "johnnie, i-i can't.."
"Yes, you can, love. i believe in you." his eyebrows furrowed. "im not done with you, yet."
i nodded, letting pleasure take over my body. moans and curses flowed out of my mouth. his pace was relentless. my mind was fuzzy, and i couldn't form any words besides his name. i moaned his name loud, forgetting other people could hear.
"you arent worried about your little boyfriend hearing you?" he chuckled in between pants, "youre such a slut, i love it."
"only you," i repeated, "only for you."
"That's my girl," he slammed my g-spot over and over as a knot began to form in my stomach. "youre mine."
i nodded eagerly, "'m gonna cum, baby."
"Me too, where do you want me?" he asked breathlessly. his thrusts became sloppy.
"inside. im on the pill," i moaned out, louder than i was expecting.
"i fucking love you." his raspy voice responded. "cum with me, mama."
his thumb met my clit again as my walls milked his cock, taking every last drop of his cum inside. my orgasm took over my body, making me go limp.
he kissed my forehead. "god, you're amazing," he flipped me over so i was bending over the bed, "give me one more."
all i could do was nod as i was still recovering from my previous orgasm. without warning, he was inside of me again, his quick pace never faltering.
my moans became high-pitched. the overstimulation was a mix of pain and pleasure. his fingers tangled in my hair, pushing my head down into the bed as he hit a different angle inside of me. his other hand gripped my ass as low whimpers slipped from his lips.
"fuck, i love you so much." his sweet words contradicting his actions. i tried to say it back, but it came out unintelligible. he stopped thrusting, balls deep inside of me. "use your words, baby."
"fuck, i love you." i grinded my ass into his hips, "i love you so much."
his cock began to drill into me again as i felt the knot in my stomach tighten again. "You close?" i moaned out in agreement. "Me too,"
my second orgasm hit me like a truck at the same time his did. johnnie collapsed onto the bed next to me. "we'll go shower when everyone leaves." he said breathlessly. i nodded in agreement. i laid my head on his chest and knocked the fuck out.
#fanfiction#fanfic#johnnie guilbert#johnnie guilbert x you#johnnie guilbert x reader#smut#johnnie guilbert smut#party#overstim kink#ayesha ericota
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i want to talk about the paradox prism for a minute because it's really interesting to me
[everything below is purely speculation / headcanon - please don't mistake it for canon. beware of spoilers for sonic prime part 3]
similar to the master/chaos emeralds, the paradox prism has a level a sentience. not anywhere close to the same level as the emeralds, but there's still something there
the chaos emeralds tend to set up a line of dominos to cause a future event (ex; sonic taking tails under his wing and learning to become more responsible from it)
the paradox prism doesn't do anything close to that, but it does share something with the master emerald; it holds memories
the prism was able to create more versions of the people it saw based on the emotions it saw them project (tails, knuckles, amy, rouge, and eggman)
the different shards / shatterspaces are made up from other major events. whether from this timeline or another is different for each shatterspace
new yoke was created from the group's frustration with sonic + an ending where eggman's almost won (i believe this could be pulled from the events of forces, considering the enforcers)
i think the reason new yoke is the only shatterspace to have a version of eggman is because it's the only one that makes sense to have one
it's pretty well known by now that eggman will need a helping hand if he wants any chance at taking over the world
the only thing better than an evil genius is five evil geniuses, right?
the new yoke group are, as i said, everyone's frustration
nine is frustrated with his past. reminiscing about his tormentors brings him more anger than pain, and living in solitude definitely does not help
rebel and knux are frustrated by the loss of their home (and the egg council in general). having watched their home be destroyed was more heartbreaking than anything at first, it eventually grew to an anger that spurred them on to fix it
rusty is frustrated with those who disobey/fight against the council, but her anger eventually ends up directed towards the council for the way they used her.
i could go more in depth about the new yoke group, but this post is gonna be long enough as is wefoefwof
the shard being red could simply be because that's the color that represents anger, but i'd like to think that-going back to forces-it was a bit influenced by the phantom ruby/infinite as well
no place is formed by the underlying sadness + a devastating event that permanently changed the world (chaos' rampage)
im not connecting no place to chaos because of the fact it's flooded, im connecting it because of the way the stories parallelled
chaos' rampage begun when pachacamac attempted to steal and harness the power of the chaos emeralds for his own gain
dread seeks out the 'devil's ligthouse' solely to prove he is a legend, nearly killing his original crew trying to do so
both protagonists of these stories are selfish and caused destruction for their own gain
dread's, well, dread comes from his failure of proving himself to be the most feared pirate to ever live.
him failing to collect the shard caused him to believe that he truly wasn't a good pirate, leaving him to spiral into a life of cowardice.
the rest of the pirates' dread comes from their longing to be actual pirates.
because of his failure and cowardice, dread now leads a peaceful crew. they don't do any 'pirating', which leaves much to be desired
they enjoy the parties and all, but their true fun comes from being pirates, which dread deprives them of
boscage maze comes from the protectiveness surging between everyone + a world where harmony between enemies is possible to achieve (possibly comes from a timeline where eggman simply doesnt exist, leaving mobius to grow peacefully)
boscage is the shatterspace with the most life. it's full of all kinds of plants because nobody there is destroying it (intentionally, anyways)
thorn rose is protective over birdie and the green. she does what she can to protect both, even if it means hurting people she once called friends
keeping the jungle and birdie safe is her #1 priority, and nothing will ever change that (that's not to say something else can't join them in being her priority)
the scavengers are protective over their belongings and, no matter how strangely they show it, each other
gnarly was nervous when sonic touched his house, immediately turning aggressive to make sure he wouldn't damage it
instead of hiding the berry, prim showed it to the others for a chance they could all share it
instead of running off on his own, mangey let the scavengers follow him as he sniffed out the berry (+ him fetching the one that fell off the treetops, showing it off to the group)
hangry allows mangey to crawl around him, which we can assume means it happens a lot off screen as well
they stick together and cover each other's backs, no matter how hard the fight gets
while we don't know what this shatterspace was before it turned into the grim, it's pretty safe to assume that it was apocalyptic
who or whatever used to live here is long gone. the only thing standing are the purple crystal things.
my guess is it's a timeline where eggman won. he won, and the world died out because he ruined the ecosystem from building so many machines.
while purple is usually associated with royalty or mystery, it's also associated with power, ambition, peace, and independence
whatever happened to the world before the grim, it's very probable that it was out of high ambition with a need for more power. eventually, the world found its peace and is now independent
ghost hill is the blueprint. the time before sonic & co. make their mark on the world. a blank canvas.
maybe a timeline where they don't get a chance to make their mark on the world
yellow is a very light, energetic color. the feeling of happiness at the chance to create something new and fun.
ghost hill and the grim don't have much in terms of characters and design, but i think the colors of their respective shards give us plenty of information about them
the paradox prism is nothing like the chaos emeralds, but is also just like them at the same time. it's powered by pure chaos with no sort of indication on how it was created or why it has the powers it does
i wonder if eggman knew what the prism was exactly or if he only knew that it was powerful
did he know breaking it would cause the world to shatter? did he know how may memories it holds? how many lifetimes it's lived?
i also wonder if the prism knew sonic would shatter it, and that it was already preparing the shatterspaces; hence why it glows brighter
maybe it understood that sonic is a hands-on learner. maybe it knew he needed to experience the lessons first hand, needed them to-quite literally-slap him in the face
maybe it knew they all had their own flaws that they needed to be aware of. maybe it lived through the timeline where sonic never shattered the prism.
maybe the prism planned to be shattered by someone so it could share its memories. maybe there was some sort of pull that told sonic it needed to be shattered.
#long post#this might actually be a mix of me analyzing the prism and the shatterspaces#but thats fine#this world is very interesting to me#sonic the hedgehog#sth#miles tails prower#sonic#knuckles the echidna#amy rose#rouge the bat#dr eggman#sonic prime spoilers#sonic prime#paradox prism#myyhcs#world building my beloved#miles nine prower#rusty rose#renegade knucks#rebel rouge#knuckles the dread#batton rouge#sails the fox#black rose#thorn rose#prim rouge#mangey tails#gnarly knuckles#hangry the cat
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— I will always come to your aid (AFAB!Reader)
AMAB!Reader has also been posted!
including: Jing Yuan
cw: !!NSFW!!, afab!reader, grammar and spelling errors possible, pwp but barely, hinted that reader has a s1ze k1nk, f1ng3r1ng, reader is a little sarcastic, still spreading my Jing Yuan is a Bastard (affectionate) agenda, masturbat1on, getting caught masturbat1ng, d1rty talk, cum eat1ng, no use of y/n, reader can be interpreted as the trailblazer but they are NOT stelle/caelus, safe sane and consensual
w/c: 2k
a/n: people liked strip starchess so much so here is another one of my brainrots... i dont usually like this troupe that much but i find myself excusing anything and everything for jing yuan so here we are. for my male reader likers i got u, its being posted right after this so you guys can enjoy too :3. also just remember that this is NOT stelle/caelus, its the you haha, i dont like shipping the raccoons with anyone as a personal pref so im just making that clear :3. anyways same warning as last time this is like my third time writing smut and also english isnty my first language. enjoy!!
The crisis on the Xianzhou Luofu was mostly over.
Which meant you had to leave the man you had fallen head over heels in love with.
Well— love may be an exaggeration but you weren't fucking around when it came to him.
Jing Yuan.
Your eyes had been hooked onto him the second you two met, his pleasant smile, his calm demeanor, his body—fuck, everything about him enamored you.
You could only wish that there was some other universe where he reciprocated your feelings.
You departed with a respectful nod of the head, despite wanting to smoosh your face between his pecs and cry about never getting to see them again.
The only hope that you did have though, was the jade abacus he had gifted you and your companions.
“No matter how astronomically distant you are, The Luofu Cloud Knights will always come to the aid of the Crew, whatever your need may be.”
Of course, his next sentence was to not use it for trivial matters when he saw March’s reaction, much to your amusement.
There was a discussion on who should keep the jade abacus, March being ruled out first much to her annoyance.
It landed between you and Dan Heng and given his history with the Xianzhou Luofu, he handed it to you.
That's how you ended up here, standing in front of your locked door with the abacus in your hand.
What if you grip it— You need to rinse your brain with cold water at this point…
You flopped onto bed, letting the exhaustion of the day seep into your bones as the plush blanket and pillows surrounded you.
You threw the abacus to your side, you'll take care of it later, not like you're gonna need it right now anyway.
Your mind flooded with images of Jing Yuan, his voice and everything you had been through together.
Fuck.
Your hand drifted towards your pussy, already feeling some wetness gathering at the thought of what you were about to do.
— Touch yourself to the thought of the General of the Cloud Knights on the Xianzhou Luofu, one of the most powerful beings to ever exist in history.
You shook your doubts away, he's just Jing Yuan to you.
You took off your shorts in record speed, tossing your panties along with it.
You never really touched yourself that often so you tried to imagine your hand being his instead.
You rubbed your clit, gasping at the cold touch of your fingers on the warm flesh.
How would he touch you?
He'd take his time, surely. He's not one to rush things— He'd work you open slowly for his cock—fuck, you're sure it's in proportion with how goddamn large his body is.
You moaned as you inserted two fingers inside you. You wanted to imagine Jing Yuan doing it, really, But, you also wanted an orgasm quickly so you can sleep. So, you just decided to go with imagining his voice talking to you.
You pistoned your fingers in and out, curling them at the spot only you could reach with your much smaller hands.
It was too intense, the thought of his deep voice guiding you through was enough to get your orgasm to graze along the edges of your belly slowly, building up to be a strong one.
You grabbed the blanket next to you, gripping it tightly as you whispered Jing Yuan's name and continued thrusting your fingers inside you.
You swear the normal part of your brain recognised you gripping an object while gripping the blanket as well but you were genuinely too out of it to care in the slightest.
You're just about to orgasm when everything in your room rattles, as if there's an earthquake.
Which should be impossible considering you are literally on a massive train that travels through space.
You let go of the blanket and sit up in shock, looking around to see what happened.
…With your fingers still inside you.
“Followers of the Nameless, I am here to assist you, tell me about the situ— Oh.”
You blinked.
Jing Yuan blinked.
Oh. Fuck.
You scrambled, ripping your fingers out and slapping your lower half with a pillow.
“J-Jing Yuan I-”
You gulped, trying to calm your racing heart, you just got caught masturbating by your crush.
Life is going great.
Your cheeks and ears were beet red now, opening and closing your mouth as you tried to say something, anything to get you out of this situation.
Jing Yuan was just as surprised, if not astonished, by the scene that had unfolded in front of him.
He was finishing up some paperwork that Lady Fu had so kindly delivered to him in the Alchemy Commission when suddenly, the jade abacus he had clipped to his belt loop started vibrating.
Not one to panic, he quickly unhooked it and got it closer to his ear, so that he could hear what the Express were asking of.
What he didn't expect was to hear the voice of his crush, the one that he has acquired after decades of not entertaining any romantic relationships, whispering and calling out his name.
Okay, maybe now he should panic.
Without a second thought, Jing Yuan summoned his weapon and gripped the jade abacus back, signaling it to teleport him to your location.
Paperwork be damned he would rather lose a hundred years of his life if it mean you would be safe.
That landed him here, in front of a half-naked (and very surprised) you.
He dissolved his weapon into thin air and folded his arms against his chest.
“Well, this is a surprise.”
“Wow, you don't say.”
Jing Yuan raised an eyebrow at your tone.
“S-sorry, I don't know how you got here.”
An interesting turn of events.
“... Did you not call for me?”
“No, Why would I? Even if I did, how did you just…magically appear here?”
“Oh, dear.”
“What?”
“The jade abacus. I think you… I think you gripped it while you were…busy.”
He looked into your eyes and back down at the pillow that was barely covering your lower half.
“The jade aba—”
You cut yourself off, turning to your side to where you had thrown it, only to find the wretched object to be in the center of your crumpled blanket.
“Fuck.”
“Jing Yuan— I am so, so , so, sorry, I swear this was an honest mistake and I'll—”
Jing Yuan cut you off with the raise of his hand.
“I forgive you.”
“Really? Great let me j—”
“On one condition.”
Of course there’s a catch.
You sighed begrudgingly.
“What do you need help with?”
“Quite the opposite, actually.”
Your eyes widened but before you could let out your protests, Jing Yuan spoke up again.
“You let me help you finish.”
The gall of this man.You’re still going to take the chance that he doesn’t know what you were doing.
“Finish what?”
You tried to sound innocent but your voice came out breathier than you wanted it to be.
“Dont play coy now, you know exactly what I mean.”
Your face burnt in embarrassment as you looked away.
Jing Yuan dragged your desk chair and got it to the front of your bed before sitting down and making himself comfortable, propping one leg on the other and leaning back.
“Go on, show me exactly what you were doing before I got here,hm?”
“I can’t.”
Jing Yuan paused, shit, had he misread the situation? Maybe he should—
“I can’t do it without you.”
You had covered your red face at this point, way too embarrassed to look him in the eye while speaking.
Jing Yuan just about lost it at that, abandoning all doubt and pouncing on you, grabbing your face to take you in a devouring kiss.
He threw the pillow covering your bottom half in a random direction, quickly pecking you on the cheeks before pulling your hand over his.
“Guide me.”
You nodded shyly and pushed his hand towards your dripping pussy again.
Fuck. His hands were just the way you imagined them.
Warm and big, enough to hold your own two hands.
His hand (under your guidance and insistence) cupped your pussy and grinded the heel of his palm into your sensitive clit.
“I’ve barely touched you, were you this wet while we were talking,hm? Did it turn you on to have me catch you in such an embarrassing state?”
Jing Yuan whispered in your ear as he hovered over you and you thanked every aeon known for this opportunity because fuck, your imagination did not do any justice to how good the general was.
Jing Yuan dipped the tip of his finger in your core, not entering but adding just enough stimulation for you to feel something there.
“Answer me.”
“No, I swear I didn’t, Jing Yuan, please—”
Jing Yuan smiled, he didn’t know you would be this easy to subdue.
He gently thrusted his finger inside, watching your face for any discomfort or resistance.
But, he was only met with your blissed out face, as you gasped in pleasure from his ministartions.
“Were you able to reach here?” He curled his finger upwards, hitting your sensitive spot just right.
You threw your hand over your mouth, pinching your mouth shut and praying, once again, to all the aeons you knew that the other passengers on the Express were dead asleep and couldn’t hear you. Granted, your room was the last in the carriage and had a decent amount of sound proofing but, you were still not risking it.
Your snapped out of your worries when Jing Yuan pushed in another finger alongside the one that was already in you.
“It looks like you’re getting distracted, maybe I’m not doing my job well enough?”
“N—Fuck, Its good, I’m sorry—Shit—”
Jing yuan simply kissed your head affectionately like he wasnt fingering you to hell and back right now and picked up the pace of his fingers.
Your hand was just gripping his wrist and you werent sure if it was to egg him to continue or get him to slow down and stop.
Maybe both.
Your head rolled back on the bed, exposing your bare neck to Jing Yuan as he immediately took the opportunity to cover your neck in kisses, Aeons be dammed. There's no way hes letting you walk out of this room unmarked and not carrying any proof of the evening you spent with him.
You gasped as your orgasm finally, finally overtook you. You shook in the general’s grasp as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out, drawing out the pleasure.
Taking his soaked fingers out, he popped them in his mouth, savouring the taste while you recovered from the intense bout of sensations you just went through.
You propped yourself up on your elbows again, looking at Jing Yuan owlishly as your head cleared from the horniness.
Jing Yuan only smiled at you before holding your head and kissing your forehead again before gathering you in his arms.
“Call me old fashioned or old but I do believe in the proper process of courting someone and,”
He looked into your eyes as he cupped your face in one palm and brushed the thumb along the seam of your chin.
“I think we skipped a few steps.”
“Yeah, no shit, general.”
He laughed at that, his chest shaking as the deep sound rumbled from his throat, you blushed again.
You were in the arms of the man you’ve wanted to kiss since you stepped foot on the Xianzhou ship.
You covered your burning face with your palms again as Jing Yuan’s laughter died down into little chuckles.
“We did all of that and youre getting shy now?”
“Shut up. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.”
“Wanted what? To get fingered by me?”
“No! — I mean that too, I guess, but I meant being held by you! Stop playing games, Jing Yuan.”
Jing Yuan only laughed as he took his free hand and grabbed your hands, turning them towards him one after the other and kissing the palm.
“I jest, I jest. But, I must stay here for the night. I’m afraid I cant travel back to the Xianzhou Luofu seeing as we aren’t closeby.”
You smiled.
Jing Yuan’s eyes twinkled in mischief right back at you.
“Be my guest.”
#jing yuan#jing yuan x reader#honkai star rail smut#honkai star rail x reader#jing yuan smut#jing yuan x you#afab reader
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