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#anyways if you've read this in the tags. feel free to share opinion about it. or dont. idk

plural-affirmations · 8 months

Note

Hi again,

Didn't know about that with "core", sorry. Was just looking through pluralpedia and felt that it probably described my/our experiences.

Stressgenic is definitely interesting, and absolutely worth considering. I'm currently hypothesising that stress was more of a final push than a source outright, particularly considering the lengthy duration of that feeling I still can't describe, but am not ready to put any label on any of this just yet. (Also not sure if those are actually distinct things, still not entirely certain on all the words lol)

Have spent the day reading pluralpedia (and also the daemon page, thanks @coyotepawsteps), and it's all been very interesting and just a bit much, lol. Definitely need to follow my headmates' advice to take it a bit slower. Found a couple interesting things regardless (Emotion sharing in particular stands out, since it's something we've definitely experienced and in fact had our own word for).

Speaking of taking things slower, have been trying to pay equal attention to all three of them and it's just too much, so we've agreed that I'll just focus on one of them (at a time) for the most part. The others are still there, just more in the background. I feel a bit like a jerk for it, despite them insisting that it's fine.

Also just generally wishing I could hug my headmates, or just generally do more things with them. Do you have any recommendations for things to do with headmates? Have tried doing some puzzles together but I ended up being way too dominant, so need more practice I guess lol.

Sorry if this one's a bit of a mess, thanks for reading either way. Hope y'all are doing well :)

-⚪🐉

(ps. the previous post wasn't tagged with "#⚪🐉 anon" unlike the one before that - not an important detail, but just smth that stood out to me and I felt the need to mention)

Agh, I wasn't trying to say it's inherently a bad term, my apologies >_< Plenty of systems use the term "core", we just personally don't think it's applicable to the traditional CDD system framework... but if you didn't develop a CDD in childhood, then I think it's totally fine to use! And anyways, like I said, that's just my personal opinion, you're free to form your own! /gen

I do actually have a list of bonding activities, not sure if you've seen it yet...? I'll post it just in case!

[ID in alt text]

I hope this helps some! If not these activities specifically, then they might spark some ideas for something else!

I wish you luck!

(P.S.: I fixed the tag lol)

🖤💜💙💚💛

#answered #not a request #plural advice #⚪🐉 anon

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shipcestuous · 1 month

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Sorry if it's a silly question or one you've answered before, but what's that "grade on a curve" ask referring to? I tried looking for more context in your discussion and anti tags, but I couldn't find anything, idk if that's due to Tumblr's search system.

Anyway, I personally think trying to prove anything to antis is a wasted effort in most cases. Most of them seem to be looking for reasons to get angry, possibly because they don't feel important or in control irl so they want to play the part of the hero battling the bad guys For The Greater Good online and get clout and admiration for it, so they're not generally the best people to try and have reasonable arguments with. Plus, with how many of them can be hilariously hypocritical about their interests ("you writing a physically abusive relationship in your fic proves you're unstable and dangerous, but me drawing a lot of violence and gore is perfectly okay," "we're essentially shipping the same problematic ship but I see myself as someone with good critical analysis skills and you as someone who's either stupid or evil, so it's fine for me to put it in my fanworks but not for you," etc.) I have my doubts about them reading "incest shipping isn't really a free-for-all, people have different tastes and opinions" and NOT somehow getting "people who like incest ship in THIS way are okay, but people who like incest ships in THAT way deserve all the hate they get" out of it...

On the other hand, I absolutely DO think it's important for incest shippers, proship/anti anti types, and people who just care about other people's comfort in fandom space in a healthy, non-self-centered way to be aware that we all have different preferences, boundaries, and even triggers, and that's okay! Just to make an example, if I like sharing fluffy headcanons about a wholesome brosis ships with you (general you), that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be okay with you reccing me hardcore BDSM darkfics about a codependent twincest ship out of the blue just because I'm into incest. Or, if I like twisted, manipulative parent/child and I've gushed about it you, even on multiple occasions, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be okay with you suggesting me an extreme underage noncon scenario for the same ship, just because I like my incest dark and fucked-up.

We all have a place in fandom, no matter if our tastes run wholesome or twisted, vanilla or hardcore... and I think it's safe to say that many of us actually like both, even if at different times, for different ships, in different context or different combinations! But to coexist together peacefully, we have to be clear about what we want or don't want from our fandom experience, and respect other people's boundaries. Even when we don't get them, or we think they're too specific, or they're the squshy "X is yes or a soft no for me depending on the day, unless Y happens, then it's a HARD no" or "X is a hard no for me unless Y happens when Z, then it's just a soft no or, in a W context, even a yes" kind. (And, as someone who does have some squishy boundaries, let me tell you: they're actually WAY more frustrating when you try to formulate them in an understandbable manner so you don't accidentally cause any misunderstanding than when you have to hear them out, lol.)

Fortunately, I don't think I've actually seen cases like these happen a lot among incest shippers. But I think it always good to keep all this in mind!

Hi Anon,

I apologize for making things difficult for you. The grading-on-a-curve analogy first came up in this post. It was primarily a discussion of Cathy and Chris, so I didn't link back to it.

I agree with you. Many antis cannot be reasoned with, will always assume the worst, and need to pass judgment to validate themselves, or some other psychological reason. If we start regulating our behavior to appease them, they win. As always, the best way to deal with the issue is to ignore them, create content, and enjoy ourselves. But even though they are prone to assumptions, we also don't want to give them any fuel for assuming the wrong thing about us as shippers.

And then within our community its important not to make assumptions, but I think we have a pretty good understanding among ourselves that tastes vary. But it's good to remember to always give details when recommending things so that people can make informed decisions.

Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Anon!

#asks #anonymous #discussion #t: antis #tw: incest #noiv #nr

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atundratoadstool · 2 years

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Hello there! Thank you for sharing so much amazing information abt Dracula! Tbh your posts are making me nostalgic for literature classes, and that is HIGH praise coming from me (points to blog title).

Anyway, I'm really grappling with Jack Seward's character right now as I (re)read ahead in Dracula. I like him a lot, especially early on, but his treatment of Renfield is, shall we say, not quite up to the ethical standards of the modern day, and the way Jack talks about him gets uhhh, pretty fuckin uncomfy, as I know you're aware ("pet lunatic," indeed)!

In this vein, I'm curious to know more about the history of psychiatry at the time, both the actual practice and the public perception thereof, so I can begin to tease out how much of his behavior was accepted practice, vs how much was Bram Stoker's PERCEPTION of accepted practice, vs how much was, in fact, intended to not look Super Great to contemporary readers (and thus, among other things, contribute to the hints at Jack's own possible mental deterioration, as well as to his rather overly "cerebral" personality).

As far as I can tell, this is something you've studied in some depth, so I was wondering if you could recommend any resources? Preferably free or easily accessible ones, since I don't have logins for any academic institutions or anything.

Please feel free to take your time answering this btw, I know it might be a tall order and I can be patient! I also understand if you just don't have time or energy, so no worries if you can't get to it.

Thank you either way!

[Spoilers and content warning: Discussions of Seward and Renfield later in the text; mentions of vivisection and psychiatric abuse]

Answering this somewhat late, as I have--in fact--had a lot of things draining my time and energy. As always, I'll open with a caveat that it's been a while since Dracula was my primary research topic, so new and exciting insights into Jack Seward may have cropped up since I was last writing about him.

I by no means have a comprehensive understanding of nineteenth-century psychiatry, although combing my tags and my website will turn up some of the specific research I did for little details concerning Dracula (I discussed things a little bit here) . However, I will say that one of the better hints--in my opinion--as to Stoker's intentions for Seward and his perceptions of medical ethics is the extent to which Seward (and later Van Helsing) parrot statements made by Bram Stoker's brother William Thornley Stoker, who was--among other things--a brain surgeon, a visiting physician at St. Patrick's Hospital (a public asylum) in Dublin, and the inspector for Ireland under the vivisection act. There are elements of Dracula pretty clearly lifted from Thornley's articles, and without spoiling too much, R. M. Renfield appears to have had several elements of his character borrowed from an actual case study on one of Thornley's patients (available here, but be warned it has a major spoiler for later events).

We have every indication that Stoker was on good terms with Thornley and respected his medical knowledge (Thornley provided Stoker with notes as to medical procedures in the text), and I feel the choicest bit of Thornleyism we get in the text is a later moment where Seward, in what strikes me as an absolutely chilling passage, compares is plans for Renfield to vivisectionist experiments:

It would almost be worth while to complete the experiment. It might be done if there were only a sufficient cause. Men sneered at vivisection, and yet look at its results to-day! Why not advance science in its most difficult and vital aspect – the knowledge of the brain? Had I even the secret of one such mind – did I hold the key to the fancy of even one lunatic – I might advance my own branch of science to a pitch compared with which Burdon-Sanderson's physiology or Ferrier's brain-knowledge would be as nothing. If only there were a sufficient cause!

This echoes Thornley's pro-vivisectionist sentiments in the aforementioned case study, where he says:

To what, I ask, do I owe the knowledge on which this judgement was founded? Largely to the humane and benevolent investigationsof those biologist who weak, credulous, or mistaken people are actively pelting with the verbal filth of prejudice and ignorance--people who would prefer that this man, formed the image of his Maker, should die, rather than their feeble sentiment be offended by a painless experiment on an ape.

HOWEVER, it is also worth noting here that both Seward and Thornley specify the necessity of an overriding cause, and it is highly debatable whether Seward has one. Thornley elsewhere in his writing takes an anti-vivisectionist stance when it comes to procedures he deems to be unnecessary:

"[…] the arguments of want of necessity and cruelty apply to most, or all, of the experiments in illustration of lectures. Such demonstrations cannot but be demoralising to the young men and women who witness their performance. They seem to me an offense against humanity. (from this 1907 report)

The big question I have here, to my mind, is whether we should read Seward's treatment of Renfield as having "a sufficient cause," and I think how you answer this question will inform your understanding as to where Stoker probably stood with regards to Jack's ethics as a character and whether he intended us to read Jack as unnerving (although, as any 21st century literary scholar, I must offer a quick nod to the author being dead and Jack's creepiness not being contingent on Stoker's intentions for him).

If you want to take a deep dive into the sources with which I was most familiar back when I was fiddling with this argument and penning my unified theory of Seward, Renfield, and Dracula, I will link to my own masters thesis on the matter, which should have a pretty decent biography with regards to the works I consulted when I last really thought through this conundrum.

#Bram Stoker #Dracula #Dracula Daily #Jack Seward #R. M. Renfield #William Thornley Stoker #grad school life

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movedtohypnocus · 2 years

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final thoughts on Sonic Frontiers (as a viewer and not a player)

ive got some stuff to say about the game since i finished watching playthroughs and i will try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible, but still going to tag it and add a read more.

i will not be sharing/posting any big spoilers for the game until after official release as ive stated before (albeit in a now-deleted post). regardless, any possible spoilers will always be tagged. same goes for fanart.

Admittedly before, I didn't have much hope for Frontiers despite my excitement, but recently as more and more info came out (and me looking for leaks oops), I was a lot less pessimistic.

It takes a LOT for something in the franchise to disappoint me, and I mean that. I'm more of a "accept something as it is" kinda guy when it comes to Sonic because for even the "bad" games, I just appreciate them for existing in the first place since they make me happy.

But unfortunately, as great as Frontiers was throughout the majority of the game, the ending was surprisingly underwhelming at best, disappointing at worst. It wasn't bad I guess and maybe that's just me being nice, but it was anticlimactic for sure. I will say, while many people find the true final boss to be boring or otherwise "lazy", I honestly thought it was interesting. It isn't the best final boss fight ever, but interesting. I'm hoping we learn more about them in the future.

There is a point on the 4th island where the stakes of the story are at their highest, only for it to be easily resolved within seconds in the most anticlimactic and cheesy (/neg) way. Which is unfortunate seeing this was something specific fans were looking forward to. The game from that point on kind of takes a turn. Again, it's not really bad, but it feels like stuff is missing from the game entirely and a ton of missed opportunities.

There is also a big complaint I keep seeing about the final islands just being extensions of Kronos, and to that I say I really don't mind. The 4th island is story driven strictly anyway, with no enemies, Cyberspace levels, or maps. I do tend to look forward to lore than gameplay regardless, so I understand people being upset by this, but I personally am not.

Despite all the negatives, the majority of the game was amazing from a viewer standpoint. I loved the character interactions and developments, and I can't even say "oh this character had the better development" because they all were great in my opinion, and I hope we get to see that in future games. There were plenty of moments between characters that got me emotional to the point of tearing up or entirely sobbing, but that could just be me.

Another thing I adored was the soundtrack. Some songs are definitely more memorable than others, but that's just kinda how soundtracks are. I enjoyed the vocal tracks and Cyberspace level themes a lot. Music is a big, important thing to me and I'm glad Frontiers did not disappoint on that at all.

Seeing as there are things that were very obviously left out or cut from the game for one reason or another, I hope they get expanded on in some form. It would be nice to get an IDW comic about Frontiers more extensive than the prequel honestly because there is so much potential.

I'd say up until the 4th island, the game is a 9/10. Anything after is a 7/10. Definitely get the game if you've been looking forward to it; I'd hope its flaws don't ruin the whole experience for you when most of the game is good, just don't expect the most spectacular ending.

And of course before I close this off, if you do still plan on playing it, there is a "true" final boss that is not indicated anywhere in or outside of the game at all. To get to that boss, you need to play on hard mode. Easy and normal mode gets you the cut/shortened ending.

Overall, if given the chance to play Frontiers, I will. I just don't see myself buying it for a while (mainly because I'm broke lmfao).

I hope this was helpful to someone, and I hope despite everything you still allow yourselves to have fun with Frontiers.

#postnocus #sonic frontiers #sonic frontiers spoilers #sonic the hedgehog

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22degreehalo · 8 months

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eugh and I am STILL struggling with what to do with fandoms on this tumblr

I know that everyone reblogs that post about how if your moot changes fandoms that's a-okay and you'll either accept or block this new spamming of some random character you've never heard of before. But I can't help feeling a bit bad about it.

TBH secretly, and I feel rly bad about it, but... I actually don't like it when people spam stuff I don't know anything about on tumblr. (Or reblogging the same post 5 times. Sorry.) It's just... empty clutter on my dash, which I too often use as a sorta dopamine IV for if I'm in desperate need of brain stimulation. (Not as much as I used to but still.)

But maybe that's just because I'm too hesitant to block tags. I'm finally starting to block fandom tags now and like at first I felt really bad like 'of all the fandoms you chose to block, that one?!' but now that I've done a few it's easier. It's not that I hate to see it it's just it interrupts my dashboard's flow.

But also just. I really do think that compared to most people the fandoms I go between tend to vary REALLY widely. Most people will go from e.g. fantasy video game fandom 1 to fantasy video game fandom 2 or whatever and there's a good chance fans of one will like the latter. And I know this sounds very 'I'm so quirky lolz' but just. objectively. I am pretty sure that Star Trek TOS -> Homestuck -> Little Busters! -> Supernatural -> American Revolution RPF -> Ensemble Stars! -> Fire Emblem (especially Genealogy of the Holy War) is. an unusual list of Main Fandoms.

And partly that is my brain's inherent craving for novelty. I *need* a certain level of Different Things, vaguely defined. Which explains why I tend to gravitate towards fandoms with a lot of different quirky characters (like Homestuck, Ensemble Stars! etc.) or Visual Novels, where each route registers as a Different Story in my brain so it's like I get five Different Things for one.

So I'll have, like. ONE fantasy game I play. But then I need to mix it up with other really different things. So I can get a multitude of vibes. Same thing with my fanfic: I'm constantly trying new things, and can't really get motivated to write something unless I feel like I couldn't easily read it somewhere (thus my total lack of creative motivation while I was into Supernatural).

Anyway the point of it is. I'm just too aware that my followers are real people, who presumably followed me for something they enjoy seeing on their dash. Probably just agreeing with my opinions in general. And in general I like to reblog things that I think people will. Like. Not in a 'This'll Do Numbers' way but in a 'I like contributing positively to a community' sort of way I guess.

But it's also a matter of post type. I mind much less when people write heaps of text posts or whatever about their stuff; sometimes it's fun to see analyses even of things I know nothing about, and I can feel their passion shining through. It's much more cluttery when people do heaps of e.g. fanart reblogs without commentary.

But then that's what sends me into stasis whenever I see a post I like and want to reblog but I feel like I have to Write Something Good Enough in the tags. Which is an inherently very very silly idea I know lmao. But it was honestly a bit freeing several months (years????? timye.) ago when I allowed myself to just hit reblog with no tags at all.

IDK like look I want to just be free and make my blog filled with nice things that I like but just like with masking I can't divorce myself from the context that these are things I'm sharing with real people. And maybe it's just a loneliness in me that because my tastes are so absurdly specific and radically Different it's hard to find other people who'll really relate to more than one or two of them.

Anyway thanks for coming to my TED Talk, this one's called 'thoughts about this blog I've had variously for the last five years or so which is funny because at some point that'll be more than half the life of my presence on tumblr lmao'

#part of me wants someone to just tell me to reblog whatever #but part of me thinks that's sad #like they don't Care about what I reblog #and it was silly of me to think they wanted anything from me #I'm dumb!!! I'm so dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!#long post

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bimormondisaster · 3 years

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Hi! I'm an ex-mormon and some of your recent posts really interested me. Feel free to ignore this (it turned into a pretty long essay), but I wanted to share some thoughts about why many ex-mormons are so hostile to queer mormons. Maybe you've heard all this before, but I wanted to share

Leaving a religion (especially a high-demand religion like the Mormon church) is a very difficult process. For a lot of ex-mormons, the church was an extremely important part of their lives before leaving, and losing that often triggers a grieving process. And for many, anger is part of that grieving.

This does not excuse any hateful or abusive behavior. Many ex-mormons go through this phase without telling Mormons to kill themselves or that they're all in a dangerous cult. What I do want to emphasize is that this a phase.

I find the idea that many ex-mormons convert to ex-mormonism to be accurate for most people first leaving the religion. They feel lied to and hurt, and many haven't worked through the idea that there is only one true way to experience spirituality, they just change their idea of what that truth is. And they've been taught that when you have "the truth" it is a moral duty to spread it far and wide.

For most ex-mormons who went through this phase, though, it ends. It is a phase in their grieving process that they get through, and they are able to break out of that black and white thinking. You probably don't encounter many of these ex-mormons though, because they aren't as likely to seek out current queer Mormons, and if they do their less likely to say anything because they've learned (finally) that their opinions don't matter all that much.

This sounds a lot more like defending ex-mormons than I wanted it be. I don't think I need to defend us to you, as far as I can tell you don't have any problem with chill ex-mormons. I just wanted to explain the headspace of angry ex-mormons, because I find it to be pretty interesting and thought you would too.

To summarize, I find it interesting that your posts seem to distinguish between angry ex-mormons and ex-mormons who are chill with people who are still in the church, when in my experience those aren't two different groups but the same people who change over time. Obviously this doesn't excuse any cruel behavior, but I thought it might be of some small comfort to know that even though it may feel like talking to a wall trying to get through to these people, they are on their own journeys and will likely eventually come around and realize that being Mormon is just as valid a way of living as not being Mormon.

Dear Anon,

First I want to thank you for respectfully reaching out. It’s good to hear from other perspectives. I also want to warn you that I may be a tad all over the place. To try and minimize that I am going to quote you then respond to that quote. I hope this helps to keep things clear.

Before I do that I want to share a theory I have. Queer members and exmormons share a similar path to deconstruction. I’d go so far as to say that we at points have shared the same path. For me, the only reason I stay is that I felt that was what I was “called” to do. I have no hate in my heart for those that leave or those that stay. All of us are different.

Another thing you should know is that I was on a very thin line of growing up in a cult. My birth mother was one phone call away from packing up and living in a tent in someone’s backyard because “it was the end days”. I grew up believing that whatever the next season was that was it, that was when we would leave. I left at sixteen and am still in the process of healing.

I say that to let you know I have experience with the stages of grief when it comes to your beliefs. I have had the unique experience of deconstructing twice, both of which aren’t, and probably never will finish in this life. I don’t mean to say that I know all or have more experience considering everyone has a different story I am as clueless to yours as you are to mine.

Anyway, that’s enough preamble.

“Leaving a religion (especially a high-demand religion like the Mormon church) is a very difficult process. For a lot of ex-mormons, the church was an extremely important part of their lives before leaving, and losing that often triggers a grieving process. And for many, anger is part of that grieving.”

I agree! The grieving process is a very important part of leaving a religion or changing your belief system.

“I find the idea that many ex-mormons convert to ex-mormonism to be accurate for most people first leaving the religion. They feel lied to and hurt, and many haven't worked through the idea that there is only one true way to experience spirituality, they just change their idea of what that truth is. And they've been taught that when you have "the truth" it is a moral duty to spread it far and wide.”

Yes! This is what a couple of my posts were about. You put it beautifully.

“For most ex-mormons who went through this phase, though, it ends. It is a phase in their grieving process that they get through, and they are able to break out of that black and white thinking. You probably don't encounter many of these ex-mormons though, because they aren't as likely to seek out current queer Mormons, and if they do their less likely to say anything because they've learned (finally) that their opinions don't matter all that much.”

Actually, I know quite a few exmormons who are out of the anger phase or in it a different way. Many are a part of Queerstake. Some are irl friends. Anger is a stage of grief. It is meant to be moved on from, however, people can relapse even after reaching acceptance.

“as I can tell you don't have any problem with chill ex-mormons. I just wanted to explain the headspace of angry ex-mormons, because I find it to be pretty interesting and thought you would too.”

You’re correct in the fact that I don’t have a problem with “chill” exmormons. I do want to mention again that anger is a stage and you can relapse. It isn’t the person or the stage that I am upset with. It is the actions that they take. But I’ll get into that in a moment. I do find this quite interesting and once again thank you for sharing!

“I find it interesting that your posts seem to distinguish between angry ex-mormons and ex-mormons who are chill with people who are still in the church, when in my experience those aren't two different groups but the same people who change over time.”

I’m going to be honest, they are completely two different groups, but that does not mean that a person can’t switch between the two or even be in both at the same time.

“Obviously this doesn't excuse any cruel behavior, but I thought it might be of some small comfort to know that even though it may feel like talking to a wall trying to get through to these people, they are on their own journeys and will likely eventually come around and realize that being Mormon is just as valid a way of living as not being Mormon.”

Thank you for sharing. It is a nice reminder that people change.

Other thoughts

I want to remind you and everyone reading this where this started. While tumblrstake was watching and talking about general conference Exmormons and nonmembers decided to come into the tag and post things from saying they hated it trending to suicide baiting us. It was a triggering event that I am still dealing with.

Anger is a natural emotion. I have no problem with people expressing anger, I have a problem with them seeking us out to harass us. There is a line that shouldn’t be crossed yet constantly is. That is my problem.

I hope this helps,

Zen

#asks #tw cult mention #tw suicide mention #queerstake #tumblrstake #lds #mormon

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flamediel · 3 years

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About me

ok, so I figure it was finally time for me to make one of these since i’ve been here for a bit and I hate how disorganized tumblr is. Hi, I’m Nadia, I’m 19, and this is my CNCO blog. I’m a mixed black muslim bisexual who uses they/them pronouns and I’m studying law. Other random facts about me are I box, make my own clothes, paddleboard, and love dogs. My aesthetic is all over the place and so is my brain so while typing this out i decided to make a moodboard that’s ✨my aesthetic✨ so here lol:

Was that necessary? no. did I do it anyway? yes. Moving on..

so what will you find on this blog?

Primarily, CNCO. This is a side blog so I tend to stay pretty on brand with the content I post. I tend to answer asks here, be it about fandom tea or random stuff relating to the boys, but when inspiration strikes I’ll write fics, make moodboards, or even pull together random uquizzes and zodiac interpretations no one asked for. I host a lot of events on here too like to celebrate their albums or band anniversaries, so stay tuned for that as well. As you can see we do a little bit of everything here, so feel free to stop by for a chat whenever.

Where can I find your writing?

All my fics can be found under the ‘#my writing’ tag on my blog, so check them out there! anything tagged minors dni (or cnco smut for older posts) is 18+

What writing do you have coming up?

Chris sex tape smut

Boxdiel smut

Sub!Richard Smut

Zabdiel + Power Play

The boys while you’re pregnant (Minus Chris since it’s already up)

Richard pampering you

a ton of songfics I have half finished

And if you want anything else, I am taking requests! Keep in mind they may take a while though, I tend to write when inspired and I haven’t had the time at all lately with work. Also, if you remember requesting something that isn’t here, it’s because I likely haven’t gotten to starting it. once I do, I’ll add it here.

Where can I find your moodboards?

These will be under the ‘#cnco moodboard’ tag on my blog! Requests for moodboards are open (and will probably be fulfilled MUCH more quickly).

UQuizzes?

Which CNCO member are you?

Which CNCO hookup are you?

Where are your CNCO Zodiac interpretations?

I’m only doing full chart readings for the boys once we get their birth times, since I don’t like how inaccurate readings can be without houses and such (ie, Chris’s Sagittarius energy doesn’t make sense until you realize it’s all in the fourth house). That means I’ll be analyzing Joel and then Chris’s birth charts in detail for now, and when we get the rest of the info I may do the others’. This is gonna take a while since these are long and take a ton of research, sorry about that

Joel: Part 1 (part 2 coming soon)

Chris: (TBD)

Management vs record label analysis

You've done some analyses of cncos team from a legal perspective, where are they?

Joel leaving the band timeline/contract renegotiation explanation

Who owns cncos trademark

Why are some of your posts tagged minors dni?

Why didn’t you answer my ask?

personally, I don’t feel comfortable with minors interacting with any explicit content on my blog. I tag it that way for people to be able to blacklist these posts (including adults who don’t want to see them). I know minors look at this content anyway, I’m not dumb, but this gives them the opportunity to be responsible without me having to make this whole blog nsfw, andit also provides a clear warning. Minors I find repeatedly interacting with my NSFW posts are getting blocked. You’re violating my consent and disrespecting the rules I put in place on my blog, and I don’t want you around if you cant understand that.

my inbox is almost always full and it takes me a while to get to stuff! I will though, i promise, and if it takes a while maybe resend it since tumblr doesn’t like to work sometimes.

Why do certain anons have symbols/emojis?

It’s like a signature so I can tell which anon it is. if you want one just ask!

can you tell me about X cnco thing?

usually, yes. but also, keep in mind I don’t know everything, and most of what I say is my opinion, as with everyone else here. don’t take it too seriously please. I will also sometimes answer asks sarcastically or jokingly and entertain dumb stuff, if you have a problem w that just send smth in about that instead of fighting, no need to get disrespectful over tumblr shit I swear it’s unnecessary.

Why wont you answer dms?

I am. so so bad at checking dms. so bad. it gives me anxiety and i WILL leave people on read. honestly if you’re not my mom you should not be expecting quick replies from me. if you want to talk more and we’re mutuals, message and ask for my snap. I tend to be more active on there

Why aren’t you following me/liking my posts/in my notes?

I probably am, this is a side blog, I interact from my main @imbrium-mare

Any other important notes?

A couple. First, something light. info about me is in my ‘#about me’ tag, and if you care what i look like check the ‘#my face’ tag, I tend to delete those every now and then so you might not find anything.

Secondly, more heavy. Like most active cnco blogs, I’ve dealt with my fair share of “anon” hate. Most of the time, I can figure out who you are pretty easily. Yall aint slick at allll, and I am more than happy to expose anyone who thinks online bullying is okay. casual reminder, using racial and homophobic slurs is not cute. I will not tolerate it, you’ll be blocked. the fact people think this is ok to do over a BOYBAND of all things? tragic.

And finally, since this will now be my permanent pinned post, any events I host or new things I write will be linked in a reblog of this post and pinned, rather than pinning the actual post with it. That way this information is all still accessible. That’s it! have fun, and I hope you enjoy your time here xx

#about me #pinned post

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florbexter · 4 years

Note

Hi i was wondering like if u can tell me any tips on writing that you've picked up? i know writing well comes with practice but like can u share the tips uve learnt?

Hey! I’m gonna be honest with you and admit that I’m not sure if you want advice on the creative side of writing or the technical side and if it’s just about writing fanfiction or original stuff, so I’m just going to jump in and info-dump stuff on you :D

Find your comfort zone

You like to write? Great! Now find your comfort zone. What is it you want to write about? What is the genre, theme, trope you have the feeling you could write about forever? Find the stuff you want to write about and feel comfortable with because that’s the kind of story you already have the words for. It doesn’t necessarily mean that those are also the kind of stories you gravitate towards when you search for something to read, don’t feel obligated to try yourself on smut, fluff, angst, AU’s, hurt/comfort just because those themes dominate your bookmarks.

When you found your comfort zone that doesn’t mean you have to stay there forever. About what you want to write can change over time and you may feel the need or want to dip your toes into writing stuff you haven’t thought about before.

I believe that our writing comfort zone gives us confidence and is the source of joy about writing. Which is also tight with my next point :D

Don’t be afraid to be repetitive

Will I, hopefully, have 100+ Soulmate AU’s in a few years in my AO3 account? Yes! Most likely.

Writing about the same theme, but slightly different trains our writing muscles, it makes you aware of how different characters can shape a story and how to set a different tone

Example: Soulmate AU about a soulmate-identifying-mark

Story 1 - Character A is someone who would jump onto the person wearing the right mark almost immediately, they are overjoyed, the tone of the fic will most likely be funny, heart-warming, fluffy.

Story 2 - Character A doesn’t think they’re deserving of love (childhood-trauma, bad break-up, etc) and won’t tell their soulmate that they know they are soulmates which makes way for a lot of angst, misunderstanding, and tears.

Writing both of those stories will make you aware of tone, setting, how characters communicate, the need for dialogue or lack of it, the number of paragraphs about the inner thoughts of the character, etc. Don’t shy away from being repetitive in your ideas. It can lead to a lot of growth and insight into how a story works.

Your reader isn’t stupid

There is a fine line between sharing what a reader needs to know to understand what is happening and oversharing.

Example: Most of us, I assume, know how to undress a shirt.

Oversharing

Character A undresses. Because most of us know about the mechanics of undressing you don’t need ten paragraphs describing it. You just want your Character crossing the room while he gets rid of his shirt? Then that’s it. Move on.

What the reader needs to know

Character A undresses. Character B is present. It makes them flustered and aware of their attraction to Character A even though they just get rid of a shirt. This information about Character B’s thoughts is worth more words on how Character A undresses.

Try to be aware that just because you know what is going to happen in the story and what the character thinks doesn’t mean the reader knows. That can be tied to how a story is structured or from which POV you are writing. Be aware of what the reader needs to know at that specific point in the story.

You are allowed to change what you have written

Just because you decided to upload something on AO3 doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to alter is afterwards. You read your story again and think that one paragraph could be longer, shorter, different? Change it.

Idea-Dumping

I’m someone with a lot of ideas. Seriously I just looked at my writing folder and there are 12 fandoms present with over 100+ WIPs.

Idea-Dumping is great because sometimes your head is stuffed with headcanons, ideas, dialogues, etc. Get that out of there if you want to concentrate on a certain story and don’t want to be interrupted by your own thoughts about a different fandom or a different character. There is no shame in having a WIP folder with documents with just one paragraph because that one paragraph is out of your mind, it is written and you can decide if you want to do something with it or not.

Think of it as something of a writing warm-up. Not everything that has a document in your writing folders needs to be a fleshed-out story or needs to be uploaded on AO3.

Learn to like your own writing

Seriously, learn to like your own writing. I get that there are, as always, different opinions on it, but I write because I want to read the stuff I write, so I always go back and read what I have written.

This is also the reason why you should never start your Authors Notes or Summary with: hahaha this is bad omg don’t read it.

I get it, you don’t want to assume, you want to protect yourself from a harsh critic that’s why you demean yourself beforehand to get that out of the way.

Stop that. Stop that right now. Your story is worth reading, there will be readers who will love your story.

For me, seeing a summary or a tag with oh this is bad will not make me click on the story because why should I read something that’s advertised as bad?

Canon - Schmanon, the author is dead

Write that story about Character A being trans, asexual, non-binary. Do it!

You think Character B is behaving a certain way because of a sentence in the source material and you need to write a 10k meta on it? Do it!

We are shaped by our own realities and experiences, and if you want to project them onto your favourite fictional character? Do it!

Accept stuff you can’t control

Comments

As with everything you put out for other people to consume, you can’t control their reaction to it. As nice as it is to get comments you kind of need to distance yourself from them because you will get comments that will upset you. Be it because the tone of the comment doesn’t match with what you want to hear or because someone thinks they need to lecture you on something, the list goes on and on. If you are anxious or not in a mental state to deal with those kinds of comments, turn off the email-notifications for comments or get someone you trust to monitor comments.

Trends in your fandom

You have to accept that every fandom works differently. There are fandoms that are alive for a decade now, there will be fandoms that die out quickly. There will be trends in those fandoms. Popular pairings, popular themes, and sometimes what you want to write for that fandom won’t fit those criteria. Do it anyway.

You can train to write more

Block time for your writing: You know you have one hour a day (or thirty minutes, or fifteen minutes) where you could write without interruption? Block this time and sit down. Write out dialogues, write down bullet-points, whatever moves you forward on a story.

Use your free time: you have a long daily commute? Put your note app to good use and jot down ideas for your next chapter, your next project etc.

You decide what writing more means: Just because some are able to produce much in a smaller time frame than you doesn’t need to upset you. If you get stressed out, if you lose the joy about writing because you think you need to write more, write faster etc take a break. Yes, there are ways to train yourself to write more, but if that just upsets you or makes you anxious go back to the way that is comfortable for you.

That’s it ^^ I can’t think of more right now, so I hope I could help you Anon.

#florbexter rambles #ask #writing advice #florbexter writes

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space-malex · 4 years

Note

1 I am so sorry to bother you, I just really don't know who else to talk to. Feel free to ignore me if you want. I'm just so mad. I was happily scrolling thru the tags and I then I saw this awful person post the most disgusting thing. I don't know if you've seen it yet but she was saying the nastiest things (can confirm that I'm neither white, 40, a teenager or a fetishizer) and it's so clear her entire post was just a ploy in the interest of her fave char (3 guesses who, look at the pic)

2 and i think on top of that initial shitty behavior, she had the gall to go on state that alex fans are treating him like a weak child bec we're expecting him to fight for himself more and instead just accept his reaction to maria. Mind you this was after she gave samples of times Alex stood up for himself. Like what doesn't she get about the bas writing of that conversation annoying us so much. I think I hated it the most that she's pretending to stand up for Alex's character when all

3 she really wants is to cry boohoo that people are criticizing maria for valid concerns in the context of that conversation. Not at fault my ass. What kind of blindness??? At least recognize that she played her part too. Ugh, just whine about your fave and stop tagging chars/ships and trying to sound like you're just sharing opinion about other chars when what it really is is a hate post and meant to praise your fave. Some people are the worst about tags

4 and that's really what irritated me the most. I know there are some idiots out there but I don't want to see your posts on my tag, i don't care about your opinion. Just as I'm sure they don't want to see mine. And for sure she's the kind of person who's gonna cry once people start responding to their nastiness. I'm sorry for ranting, I was just vibrating with anger and I feel like I really needed to let it out. I also didn't want to stoop to their level and going to their blog. Tnx for reading

Thanks for trusting me to rant to!

OK first of all I will say I did not see the post that you are speaking of. However, there is a lot of mutual blocking involved between me and m!luca stans. And it’s nothing to do with Maria! It’s just m!luca that I don’t like, but a lot of those shippers stan Maria so unfortunately I miss out on many posts.

Here is what I will say: everyone is entitled to their opinion on liking or disliking characters. People are allowed to dislike Maria just like people are allowed to like her. I happen to like her, and I have a lot of mutuals who also do but I also have a lot who don’t. I respect their opinion. I also have mutuals who disagree on other characters sometimes, such as Max or Isobel. Fandom is not a hive mind, and people should be allowed different viewpoints without having various derogatory labels thrown at them.

I understand the frustration of some people who had hoped for a more reactionary Alex. For me, the scene was very appropriate for the kind of man he is. But I think people have the right to their own opinion on it. Some people really didn’t like the scene, others did, and that’s OK. All of our feelings at their core are borne out of love for this silly show.

I also believe in tagging things appropriately. Stuff that is anti malex shouldn’t be in the malex tag. Stuff that is anti m!luca shouldn’t be in the m!luca tag. Character hate shouldn’t be in the character tags. And overly wanky posts shouldn’t be in the main fandom tag. There is a reason that rant, drama, anti, and discourse tags exist.

Lastly, people have got to stop just throwing around the term fetishizing when it doesn’t apply and they don’t understand what it actually means. It screams performative wokeness and shows complete ignorance of queer history.

Anyway I hope you feel better after letting it out. 💙

#anon #shut up kelli #rnm wank #rnm discourse #ship drama #character hate

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heartbreakerholland · 6 years

Text

lunchtime losers [p.p.]

Summary: Peter Parker was one of your best friends in high school, but there were moments that made you question who exactly he could be to you. Here are a few of those moments you spent in Midtown, trying to figure things out year by year.

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings: mentions of underaged drug use, mild swearing, open ended. . . ending(?), unedited

Disclaimer: i cannot stress enough that you shouldn't do drugs/alcohol while underaged. i know high school is weird and everybody might seem to be experimenting with new things, but i promise there'll be a time and place where it's appropriate to do so. i am in no way glamorizing/romanticizing (underaged) drug use, even if it's such a small portion of this fic. drug/alcohol abuse is very serious, even as a teenager when it doesn't seem like you're abusing it.

A/N: i have some pointers! this is a different writing style compared to what i've posted before. i've written like this back when i first started writing fanfiction years ago and quite frankly, i don't even like it that much, so i'm very iffy about this. this is based off of my own experience with getting to know my feelings about a good friend, and a lot of the scenes in here are closely accurate to what's actually happened in my life. the only part that i can say is 100% pure imagination is the ending, which i know will probably make a lot of you frustrated ☺️ (it's because i still haven't told this person my feelings for him oops) ANYWAYS this is written in a very one sided perspective, but i tried to write in a way that you can read between the lines and get a little idea of what peter’s feelings are too. a lot of peter’s and the reader’s feelings are told merely through action and dialogue and less of actual explaining, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless 💞

feedback is greatly appreciated and feel free to request a part 2! enjoy reading!

[masterlist] [join a tag list]

•••

Freshman Year

"This has been going on for weeks," Michelle muttered to you. "If the tension at the table gets any worse, then I'm not sitting with you guys anymore."

You stepped out of the lunch line with your tray in hand, following MJ to stand away from the crowd of students. Looking behind her, you watched Peter and Ned enter the lunch room and sit down at your usual table.

You rolled your eyes. "I already told you. Maybe Peter likes me and maybe I like him back, but he's always been one of my closest friends. I don't want to ruin that."

She scoffed and began walking towards the table with you at her side. "So? You can date and still be friends—"

"But what about when we break up? We either stay friends or never talk to each other again. I'm not risking it."

You knew she would have said more, but the two of you already made it to your table. You took place in your usual seats, Michelle next to Ned and you across from them, next to Peter. You set your backpack on the ground underneath the bench where everyone sat. Without thinking about it, you handed Peter your chocolate milk carton and apple sauce, while he slid over his fruit snacks that May always packed for him. It was a routine; you always got those because you didn't like eating it but you knew Peter did, and Peter never told May that he doesn't like fruit snacks because you loved eating them.

MJ narrowed her gaze at you during the interaction, but you chose to ignore her. It was nothing more than a routine.

"Y/N, Michelle," Ned said. "Please tell Peter that he's being stupid.”

Without missing a beat, you and MJ repeated Ned's words at the same time.

Peter glanced between the two of you with mock surprise. "You didn't even know what we were talking about!"

MJ shrugged, taking a bite out of her food. "Don't have to. You're always stupid, Parker."

He put a hand over his chest. "I'm hurt, guys. I really am."

You chuckled but said nothing more, allowing your three friends to carry the conversation while your mind wandered.

You tried your best to pinpoint the moment you began liking Peter as more than a friend, but your heart wasn't into it.

All you could really tell was when you became more conscious of how close you always sat with him, thighs glued to the side and elbows never coming apart. You blamed it on the lunch table crowded with other students on either side of your friend group, giving you absolutely no space for Jesus in between.

You would catch yourself staring, taking note of his mannerisms and how his light brown hair always seemed to bounce whenever his head moved. You decided you noticed those things because of how long you've been friends with him.

You realized you always watched for his reaction first before seeing the others' after you said something funny, but you told yourself it was only because you valued his opinion the most.

You tried taking note of his flaws in hopes that it would get rid of whatever those feelings were. His hands were always clammy, his backpack was so big that you weren't sure how he didn't topple over when it was on his back, and sometimes he'd spit a little when he talked a lot. (For some reason, those things didn't push you away like you wanted.)

You felt a kick from under the table, bringing you back to the cafeteria. You looked up to be met with Michelle's glare, who signaled you to check your phone. Reaching into your pocket, you took your phone out and looked at the screen under the table.

Michael Jackson: if u keep staring at peter then he might actually notice for once

You gave MJ a look, who was the one who sent the text, and put your phone away. You didn't realize you'd been mindlessly eating until you felt full. You slid your food to Peter, who began eating the rest of it without second thought. (He always ate his lunch first then whatever you couldn't finish as well.) Routine.

Before you could actively participate in the conversation, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

The four of you rose from the long table, gathering your trash to throw it away. You slouched over to grab your bag from where you put it.

"Here ya go," Peter said from behind.

You turned around to see him holding up your backpack for you.

"Oh, thanks," you smiled, swinging the backpack over your shoulders.

He returned the smile. "You going to your locker?"

"Like always, Pete."

"Alright," he slowly backed away. "See you in five?"

You nodded and began walking the other direction, where your locker was. Michelle followed Peter to the band room while Ned decided to accompany you on your short walk.

"Soooo, Y/N," he said suggestively. "That dance is coming up."

You groaned. "I thought the four of us were just going to sleep over at MJ's that night?"

You stopped in front of your locker, opening it to grab a textbook for one of your classes later in the day. You grabbed one of Peter's hoodies that he left in there, knowing it would be cold in the band room. (You had a locker in one side of the school while Peter had his own in the other side. You both agreed to share both, merely for convenience and nothing more.) Ned leaned on the locker next to yours, facing you.

He fiddled with his backpack straps. "You know how the school's making it a 'girls ask guys' kind of thing? Well, Michelle was thinking that maybe we should go! Like, she'll ask me and you can ask Peter—"

You raised a pointed finger at your friend. "I see what you're doing now," you accused him. You shut the locker and began walking towards the band room with Ned beside you. "I don't condone meddling, Leeds."

"But Y/N!" he said excitedly. "MJ and I know that you two like each other. You know that Peter likes you. He knows that you like him. You know that he knows that you like him. He knows that you know that he likes you. It's a win-win!"

You sighed. "You're making it sound more complicated than it actually is."

The two of you made it to the band room and Ned opened the door for both of you to walk in. You both headed to retrieve your instruments, with other students swarming by.

"You're making it actually complicated! Look, Y/N. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but," he lowered his voice, "if you don't ask Peter to the dance, then he's gonna ask you."

You froze, holding your instrument case in the air. "What?" You regained yourself and set the case down, facing Ned. "No, Ned. No. Listen. I'll tell you what I told Michelle, okay? I just want to be Peter's friend—"

"But you like him!"

"But I don't want to do anything about it. It's just a crush—it'll pass. I treasure our friendship more than having a crush that won't last forever."

Ned raised and dropped his arms exasperatedly, giving up.

Michelle popped up, seeming chipper than usual. "Hey guys, we're practicing for contest today," she said. "What're you talking about?"

"It's not gonna happen, MJ," Ned sighed. He grabbed his instrument and trudged away, leaving you two alone since the rest of the students seem to have gone in their respective practice rooms already.

Michelle put her hands on her hips and stared at you, her attitude changing back to normal. "Why not, Y/N? Are you scared or something?"

You sighed. You turned around and headed the same direction Ned went, with MJ following closely behind. "No, I'm not scared. Can you guys please stop meddling? I just don't want anything to happen, and that's it."

The two of you stopped in front of your designated practice room, the door closed. You peeked through the small window in the door, seeing the boys were already in there, oblivious to you and MJ on the other side.

"Why not?" Michelle asked. "You'll regret not ever knowing what could have been—"

"No, that's the thing," you interjected. You were tired of hearing these talks about Peter, and it was beginning to show. "I know that I won't regret it. I can daydream about 'could-have-beens' with Peter all my life, and I'll be fine with that. I don't want to lose him, and if that means that I can't be with him romantically, then that's what I'm gonna do. Having a crush is always temporary, Michelle. Peter's the kind of person that I want permanently in my life. Do you know what I mean now?"

She stared at you with a hint of sadness in her eyes, like she could see right through your words. See what, you weren't sure. After a skeptical moment, she took a breath, surrendering. "Alright, fine. I'll let him know that."

You took a breath of relief. "Thank you."

Michelle turned to open the door to the practice room, Ned and Peter welcoming the two of you in.

The practice room was small with the four of you and your instruments in it, meaning you'd be in close quarters with them—Peter specifically.

It was easy to pretend your feelings for Peter weren't there. It was easy to act like yourself despite the elephant in the room. Before the complications, you and Peter were glued together, so why treat him differently now?

Maybe you noticed him noticing you, watching your moves when you pretended you couldn't see where his line of sight was directed. Maybe you took note of him flinching back whenever you accidentally brushed against him, and how the sweat from his palms were more prominent on his instrument.

But it was easier to ignore those things, which is what made it easier for you to act like it never happened in the first place.

Sophomore Year

You weren't usually one to gloat, but damn it you were right about the situation with Peter and you told yourself that you should be happy about it.

Crushes were always temporary. Friendship could last forever.

Could.

Michelle and Ned eventually stopped bringing it up freshman year, and you figured Peter eventually stopped liking you as well.

The whole ordeal wasn't something any of you talked about, an unsaid truth never to be spoken. You refused to even think about those weird few months and how you felt during that time. You told yourself that having a mutual crush on your best friend wasn't something to think about.

You were just glad that you weren't the center of Peter's attention anymore. You knew this was true, mainly because his attention drifted to Liz Allen. The intelligent, breathtaking, lucky girl: Liz Allen.

Besides Peter's obvious crush on her, nothing changed.

"If you three weren't my only friends at this school," MJ said, "I'd stop eating lunch with you guys."

You followed her out of the lunch line after paying, just like the normal routine since last year. The two of you began walking across the cafeteria and towards the same table you've always sat at, with Ned and Peter already there. (The only difference nowadays was Peter sat next to Ned, and you and MJ sat across from them, so Peter could helplessly drool over Liz across the lunch room.)

You chuckled. "Me too, I think. . . It's because of Peter, huh?"

She groaned. "Duh. All he does is gush about her."

You laughed as you sat down next to Michelle, having finally made it to the table. Before even being able to look at your food, Peter began talking.

"She straightened her hair today, guys! She looks so different but still. . . so good."

Ned followed where Peter's eyes were, seeing it was true. Michelle faked a gag, which only you noticed.

The two of you ate your food in silence, which was something different compared to before Liz came in the picture. Peter also stopped bringing you fruit snacks and eating the food that you couldn't finish, as well as denying to take chocolate milk and apple sauce from you.

Sometimes you'd catch yourself missing those little things, but you told yourself it was only because of the change in what used to be normal. Before, normal was getting squished next to Peter and enjoying it, oddly realizing the days he switched between his cologne, and endless banter between the four of you. Now, normal was having to think of what to say to strike a conversation with him, rolling your eyes at his comments on Liz, and being vaguely aware of the few times he looked your way.

You would find yourself hurting, and you'd have to correct your thoughts and say it was only missing the past. There was no use in feeling sorry for yourself, though. Things happen, feelings change, and that was that. You were still friends with Peter in one way or another, and that's what you wanted, so clearly you had to be happy about things going your way.

"You guys are losers," Michelle told the boys, who were still fawning over the senior girl in the cafeteria.

Peter didn't seem to hear her, (he didn't seem to hear anything you and MJ said, nowadays), but Ned shrugged. "You're still friends with us," he replied.

That was true. You were still friends and that's what mattered. It was weird having to remind yourself of that fact, but it was still that: a fact.

"Hey, Y/N?" Peter spoke out of nowhere.

His voice fazed you. It was odd hearing him say your name now, especially after realizing he used to say it almost as often as he breathed.

"You know about girls, right?"

You and Michelle shared a glance, knowing where this was headed.

"I mean, I am a girl, so yeah," you said. You looked at him, but his eyes never seemed to have left the special girl seated somewhere behind you. You paid no mind to it, your eyes going over how his head was dreamily rested on his hand.

"Okay, so," he began. "Hypothetically speaking. . . If you're a senior, would you date a guy that's a sophomore?"

You rolled your eyes, but decided to mess with Peter. "Well, what's the guy like?"

Michelle snorted.

"He's, uhm. . . He's pretty smart. Really nice, I think—"

"He's a cutie!" Ned chimed in.

You shrugged. "Well, if that's all he has going for him. . ."

"No!" Peter retaliated. "He's really cool, and uh, thinks you're pretty! Yeah, you're pretty."

You felt your face heat up and you were glad that none of your friends were looking at you for once.

You were warned that the people you walk into high school with would never be the people you'd walk out of high school with. People grew apart and that was life, apparently. You didn't think those warnings would actually apply to you, though. You thought the four of you were too strong together to separate.

By the time sophomore year was halfway done, you were proved dearly wrong.

You thought Liz would be the only strain on your friendship with Peter, but his behavior drastically changed out of nowhere then suddenly he got an internship with Stark Enterprises. Peter was one of the smartest people you ever met, so you weren't surprised. If anything, the real surprise was he not only quit the only class he had with you—which was music—but he stopped even trying to talk to you.

You and Michelle decided to stop sitting with Peter and Ned during lunch.

"There he goes again," Michelle pointed.

You followed her gaze and saw that Peter was fawning over Liz again, which was weird considering he rarely showed up during lunch anymore.

It hurt. You knew that now. Missing Peter wasn't something you'd expect to feel, but lately? It's all you've felt.

You didn't have to miss MJ or Ned, because you still saw them and talked to them regularly. It was only Peter. Always Peter freaking Parker.

Maybe you took him for granted. You'd never thought that there'd come a day that you'd stop sharing food, sharing classes, sharing a conversation.

"No point in regretting it," you said aloud.

It was more for yourself than to Michelle. You made your decision on who Peter was to you, so it would only be a waste of time in wondering who he could have been.

Junior Year

Something changed sophomore year. Ned told you that Peter ditched the academic decathlon which resulted in him getting detention. That was something you never expected to hear, considering Peter was the perfect example of Midtown High's star student.

The beginning of junior year, you saw him in music. He stayed this time.

He seemed to be taking advantage of "conveniently" getting the same class like before. He made a point to talk to you again—during class and lunch—and it was like he never ditched you and MJ.

"Oh my God," you rolled your eyes. You aggressively turned your body to face Peter who sat beside you. "You just want to win! You're not even right!"

He looked at Ned and MJ sat in front of you two for help, but they only stared back with clear amusement. (The four of you assumed your usual seats from freshman year, so you would always get squished against Peter's side at lunch again.)

"It doesn't matter if I'm right!" he exclaimed with big hand gestures. "A debate is a debate! You could be right—I'm not saying you are—but I'm just better at debating than you."

Ned did a terrible job at hiding his laughter from the argument you were having with Peter.

This was something that you were happy you had the chance of getting used to again—not that you'd ever tell Peter that. As soon as the school year began and all of you sat together, not so playful yelling was all that accompanied the lunch table.

The dorky boy loved proving himself right, and you loved proving people wrong. As soon as the second week of sharing lunch in the cafeteria passed by, it would have been weird not to bicker with him like before.

Michelle slammed her book closed, startling the three of you to silence. "Look," she said, giving you and Peter a death glare. "Y/N, Peter has some good points—all only technical, but still good."

Peter thanked her and you huffed, upset MJ wasn't on your side.

"Shut up, Peter," she said. "Peter, Y/N's still right, and you're just gross."

"Ha!" you yelled, then rose from the table's bench and reached over to high-five Ned. (You were sure he'd side with either of you, but it was the thought that counts.)

Peter scoffed. "It's not that gross," he said, refusing to take Michelle's answer. "If you were on a deserted island with a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and no microwave, it would still be safe to eat them—"

"The directions say to microwave them for a reason, Peter!" you interrupted.

"It's already cooked!" he brought up, which was something he pointed out earlier in the conversation. "It's cooked before it's frozen, then you can just warm it up in the microwave—but that doesn't mean you have to—"

"Y'know what, fine," you said, slamming your hands down on top of the lunch table. "You can eat frozen chicken nuggets all you want, Peter. But I am going to warm mine up in the microwave like everybody else. And if you get some weird disease, don't come crying to me because I was right—"

"I won't come crying back to you! Because I'm still right!"

The bell rang, signaling the end of your lunch before you could put another word in. The four of you immediately rose, with MJ and Ned heading straight to the band room.

You reached down for your backpack, only not to find it where you left it. Turning around, Peter held it in the air for you to shrug on. Just like before.

The two of you silently walked side by side to your locker so you could switch out textbooks and get one of Peter's sweaters that he always "forgot" in there.

"How's that one guy doing?" Peter asked, one hand in his jean pocket with the other gripping his backpack strap.

You shrugged, opening your locker. He leaned against the locker next to yours, staring you down with his usual grin.

You'd be damned if you didn't say puberty was doing Parker well. You wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't ditched you last school year, but he definitely got. . . toned, to say the least. He also learned how to use hair gel and walked around school with clothes that seemed to make him more confident.

You cleared the thoughts away. Those things were only noticeable because you were friends with him. Obviously.

"You mean Carlos?" you replied. You reached into the locker and sorted out what you needed to.

Peter nodded then grabbed the textbooks you had in your arms. You shut the locker and the two of you began your walk to the band room.

"I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me, which was nice," you told your friend. "But he stopped talking to me out of nowhere and hasn't even opened my messages since."

He scrunched his eyebrows. "Here, lemme see the messages."

Before you could reach in your back pocket for your phone, Peter beat you to it with his free hand. He unlocked it and went to the messages. While reading it, he chuckled.

"Seriously, Y/N?" he said, amused. "That's why he stopped replying! You called him 'dude!'"

You gave him a shocked look. "So what? I call everyone dude."

Making it to the band room, you opened the door and followed Peter in. He spoke while the two of you set down your belongings. "You friend-zoned him."

You scoffed. "I did not!"

He gave you a look. "Y/N. I've been friend-zoned enough times to know when somebody else is getting friend-zoned."

You rolled your eyes and turned around to get yours and Peter's instruments, but something felt off about what he said. You didn't really care about talking to Carlos, but what Peter said felt like it was partially directed to you. You didn't blame him, because you technically did friend-zone him. . . but that was two years ago! Clearly he let it go by now, because you definitely did.

Senior Year

You and Michelle stumbled inside her home, waving a goodbye to Peter—who dropped you two off—before shutting the front door.

"Dude," you turned to her. She looked at you with glazed eyes, but was still able to keep her focus. You continued, "I am so gone."

Both of you giggled, leaning on each other to take off your shoes and put aside your bags. MJ led you to a couch, retrieved water from the kitchen, then sat next to you. She chugged the water down with a hand clearly steadier than yours. "What do you mean?" she asked. Her eyes were bloodshot and droopy, but she looked put together for the most part.

You shrugged lazily, taking a sip of your water. "You've seen me smoke," you said to her. "I've been. . . chill, buzzed, whatever. But right now? I am high." Laughter interrupted whatever you could have said next, though you weren't sure if you had anything to say.

She laughed with you, still clearly having a good time despite being more sober. "Really?"

"Yeah," you nodded. "Like," you looked around the room, searching for the right set of words. "I haven't been this high in a while. . . Like, you've never seen me this gone."

"Ooh," she rubbed her hands together comically. "I'm excited."

You rubbed your eye, forgetting the makeup you had on. "Why?"

"Because!" she chirped up. "You know what they say? Drunk words are sober thoughts. Well, high words too, maybe."

You shook your head with a smile before drinking more water. You didn't mind letting loose with Michelle; you trusted her, which was why you smoked as much as you did in the first place. You were comfortable enough to allow her to see this side of you, even if there was the chance you might not remember any of it in the morning.

You helped each other up the stairs, having decided you should at least take off your makeup and change your clothes. (Thank God her parents weren't coming home that night.) By the time you both finished, you were seated comfortably on the couch once again, this time underneath one large blanket and with the television playing late night cartoons in front of you. A single lamp as well as the TV were your only light sources, which kept the living room in a dim glow.

"Can I be honest?" you spoke over the cartoons, startling Michelle. Neither of you were sobering up at all, but that fact didn't stop anything.

She nodded and turned off the TV. MJ turned to completely face you, giving you her attention. "Yeah," she said. "What's up?"

You began rambling without hesitation. "You know how Peter was at the game? Well, of course he was. He had to be because the band was playing for the football team and he's in band. . . But anyways, I didn't talk to him at all—he always seemed busy with somebody else—but I couldn't stop. . . I don't know. I caught myself looking for him a lot, like, to see if he moved around the bleachers or something."

Michelle nodded, allowing you to continue.

"Okay, well. . . I don't know, dude," you continued. "You remember how we had crushes on each other freshman year? Well—I don't think I have a crush on him, I swear—but I feel something. . . It's weird. He's one of my best friends but I know there's something stronger there."

She looked around the room thoughtfully, searching for a reply. "What do you feel?"

It was hard to think clearly and how to explain yourself; the only word that stayed in your head the entire time was his name. Peter, Peter, Peter.

You began rambling. As soon as the words left your mouth, you instantly forgot what they were, but that didn't stop you from talking. "Michelle, it's so weird. I've never really told you this but, remember when he had a crush on Liz? And when he ditched us for a while after that? I—I think I missed him. And not just as a friend. You know what, I don't know."

Peter, Peter, Peter.

You shook your hands in the air as if you could shoo your thoughts away.

You continued. "I care about him as a friend and stuff, but I don't think how I've felt about him is how I feel about other people, like you or Ned. It's different. Like, I don't want to lose him. I don't want him out of my life."

Peter, Peter, Peter.

You sighed. "When he was gone for the whole Stark Internship thing, it felt like I really lost someone. I mean, I don't have to talk to you or Ned for days—weeks, even—and I'll be fine. But when the same thing happened with Peter? I would feel so. . . lost."

Michelle nodded, staying attentive the entire time. There was a part of you that knew she wasn't high enough to forget any of this, though you were sure you wouldn't remember much.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked.

You shrugged, looking down at your hands. Peter, Peter. "What does it sound like to you? I don't know what I'm feeling is called, but it's definitely not just a friendly thing."

She stared at you for a moment, contemplating what to do next. "I'm not sure if this has anything to do with you two," she began, "but I think you should know. . . You know how you'd leave during lunch sometimes to go to the bathroom?"

You nodded, recalling the multiple occasions.

"Well," she continued. "Ned and I talked about it, and we noticed that Peter's not the same when you're gone, either. Like, he'd look so bored and would play games on his phone compared to when you're at the table and he'd never stop talking."

You imagined him doing so. "Huh."

"Yeah. . ." she said. "Let's just go to sleep, okay? Sleep on it, and I'll remind you whatever you forgot you said in the morning, alright? Then we can figure out what to do."

As soon as MJ said the word "sleep," you instantly realized how heavy your eyelids felt. You nodded at her proposal, and laid yourself down on the couch with her.

You weren't sure if your eyes were closed or if it was just that dark in the living room, but you were definitely thinking. You imagined the feeling of being brushed against Peter's body, whenever you sat next to each other or walked side by side in the school halls. He started driving recently, and for some reason you always got shotgun while MJ and Ned didn't hesitate to sit in the back. You could nearly feel your elbows touching when you both leaned on the console at the same time. You remembered the times he'd laugh around you, uncaring about how loud it might've been, as well as the fact that he said your name more times in one day than anybody else did in a whole month.

His absence sophomore year definitely put a strain on you. You loved Michelle and Ned to bits, but you were pretty sure you might've loved Peter in a different way.

Him being out of your life for that period of time was confusing but, at the same time, clearer than looking through a window. You managed to keep tabs on him even if it meant only scrolling through his Instagram or seeing how he'd hold himself across the hall. You knew then that you cared about that boy more than you ever cared for anyone else.

You were terrified of you two becoming more than friends because that meant you had a chance of it ending badly and never talking to him again. Staying friends meant staying safe.

It meant that you had more of a chance of him being with you, which is what you knew you always wanted. You knew you'd be happy, crush or not, as long as Peter was in your life the rest of the way.

Is that what it feels like to love?

You nervously rubbed your hands together, which gained odd looks from other students due to the warm New York weather. It was a few months after that fated night with Michelle, the day of the senior field trip. The entire senior class got to go into the city and do whatever they wanted for an entire school day.

Michelle coolly stood beside you, her hands in both her jacket pockets. "I'm excited," she admitted.

You squinted at her. "For what?"

An uncharacteristic smile broke her face. "You know! You're finally gonna confess your feelings to Parker. It's about time, honestly. Ned and I were beginning to think about calling off our deal we started freshman year—"

"Hey guys!" a voice chimed in from afar.

You gave MJ a look to stop talking about the subject, watching Ned and Peter walking towards you two.

"I am so excited," Ned said. You caught him giving Michelle a wink, which told you that she informed him of the "plan."

You would've groaned if Peter weren't standing right next to you.

"Me too!" Peter said obliviously. "I really want to check out that new pop culture museum."

A teacher announced for everyone to gather up and get inside the bus. The four of you sat in the back together, you and MJ sharing one seat while Peter and Ned were seated right in front of you.

"I'm scared of getting lost, honestly," Ned confessed a bit after the bus began moving.

Peter huffed his chest. "Don't worry, man! The internship," he winked at the three of you, "really let me get to know the city, so I'll know everywhere we go."

You and MJ rolled your eyes together. Peter had shared his secret about being Spider-Man with the two of you not too long after he got his license, only because his "spider senses were tingling" right before avoiding a crash.

"By 'everywhere' do you mean all the port-a-potty's?" you teased him.

Peter made a face. "That was one time! Ya use the bathroom once and that's when the paparazzi show up," he whispered to himself.

You were nervous for nearly the entire day due to the anticipation of confessing to Peter. It was hard figuring out when and where to do so; should you make a big deal out of it like one big crush proposal or just bring it up out of nowhere as if it were the most normal thing to say?

Decisions, decisions.

The four of you were inside the new Museum of Pop Culture, wandering around aimlessly with offhand remarks for everything in the exhibits.

"Guys," Ned said. He walked beside Michelle while you and Peter were behind. "The horror exhibit actually looks pretty scary."

You peeked through the glass doors, the exhibit on the other side. All you could see was red glowing from the ceiling, which did make Ned seem correct.

"Never fear," Peter whispered to the three of you. "Spider-Man is here."

Your group walked through the doors, instantly being met by speakers blasting screams and haunting music. The red lights from above were your only source of light, leading the way deeper into the exhibit.

"Oh," MJ said softly. "Y/N, don't look up."

Not many things scared you, but you knew that Michelle was well aware of what did.

Trusting her, you instinctively gripped onto Peter's upper arm and watched your feet move on the ground. You noticed he instantly tensed at the contact, his bicep tougher with your fingers barely able to wrap around it.

"It's alright, Y/N," Peter said, looking up to see what MJ was talking about. "It's not even that ba—ohmygod we're not walking that way."

He redirected you to the left after the exhibit opened up into a large room. You heard Ned and Michelle chuckle at Peter, who allowed the two of you to move in front of them.

"Dude," you heard Ned from behind. "It's just a bunch of hanging bodies wrapped like. . . mummies?"

Knowing you were well past whatever MJ told you not to look at, you raised your head and took in your surroundings.

"Oh," you said. "It's not that bad."

You looked to the right side of the room where Peter made a point not to cross and saw what Ned was talking about. You laughed, letting go of Peter's arm. "You call yourself Spider-Man? It's not even that scary."

All of you stopped and stood with one of the walls behind you, scoping out the exhibit.

"That's the one thing I don't like!" Peter complained.

Michelle walked over to the small area of fake bodies hanging from the ceiling, all of them covered with cloth and net. She poked it.

"It's fake, you dork," she said.

You and Ned followed her and saw the bodies made a maze, leading to an explanation on what movie that section was about. The three of you taunted Peter, walking into the maze.

The brunette puffed his chest. "Yeah, whatever."

He was last to go inside, the rest of you well ahead. There was a line of bodies between you and him, so you pushed the one closest to him.

Peter screeched.

"One thing!" he screamed. "That is the one single thing! I hate you guys!"

The rest of you broke out into laughter.

You were all seated in a McDonald's booth, leisurely eating your shared meals. You had assumed the same seating as you always did for lunch at Midtown.

You felt a kick from under the table. Looking up, Michelle gave you a pointed look.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," she announced.

She scooted out of the booth and stood up.

"Oh yeah, me too." Ned said.

The two of them walked towards the back of the fast food restaurant.

So this was it.

How the hell were you going to do it? You didn't even know if Peter had any feelings more than platonic for you. What if all he felt was platonic? You would make things awkward, ruin your friendship, waste all that time for the past four years being one of his best friends for something non-mutual.

You could hear your heart beating through your eardrums. Your hand shook a little every time you raised a fry to your mouth.

You were terrified. You weren't sure if confessing would even be worth it. In a few months, high school would be over. You'd have no good reason to see any of your friends everyday again, nonetheless Peter by himself.

Maybe you've just been overthinking everything. It wouldn't have been hard to believe that your feelings came only from convenience of going to the same school, having the same class, eating at the same table.

You cared for him, but maybe that was all there was. It could just be an unconditional love, like loving a brother.

You shook your head at yourself. That wasn't it; you definitely did not think of Peter as a brother. Even a little graze against him made your senses go wild. Every time you had eye contact with him, you'd force yourself not to look away despite thinking he'd always have been able to look straight into your soul and know what you felt.

You always knew what he would say if he saw you do something stupid, and you were always excited to hear what he'd think about something that happened to you when he wasn't there. You'd be able to recognize his laugh a mile away, and being the cause of his smile made you feel light.

You knew he'd tell you the truth on which shirt looked better with which jeans and not just say you looked good no matter what. He'd make sure to take stray lint out of your hair and point out if you had something in your teeth.

You've had short crushes on other people, and you even dated some of them for an amount of time. They never made you feel the same way Peter did.

You remembered the feelings you had when you found out he went to homecoming with Liz Allen sophomore year. When you learned of his crush on her, it was a dull ache. But when you even saw them at the dance together? It pierced.

But you were still able to get back to the groove of your feelings after that.

Yeah, you might've been in love with Peter Parker. What took you four years to realize that?

"Hey, Y/N?"

Your head jerked up and you looked at him beside you. God, what were you going to do? Could you bring yourself to say it?

Shut up,you thought to yourself. Eventually, it'll be too late. Say it now.

Peter continued talking after you stayed silent.

"I know this is really out of the blue," he said. He put down the burger in his hands and faced you completely. "But I just want to say thank you for everything. We're gonna be graduating pretty soon and. . . I don't know. I just really appreciate you—and MJ and Ned—for sticking around."

You nodded your head, urging him to continue, nervous to hear what he had to say next.

"Things were really weird after I got bit by the spider and I still feel like shit for ditching you guys for a while. . . But thanks for letting me come back. I couldn't have ever imagined getting better people in my life than you three. Even if we go across the country for college or something, I really hope we can all stay friends. I love you guys, you know."

Oh.

You smiled at him like he did to you. Friends.

You cleared your throat. "I love you too, Pete."