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loki-cees-all · 3 months

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Ch. 4 - Hope Against Hope {Against All Odds - TVA!Loki x Female Reader Longfic}

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Pairing : TVA!Loki x Female Reader

Summary : After you and Loki do the deed, Loki does a little soul-searching.

W/c : 4.7k words

Content / Warnings : Smut (p-in-v), angst (knife-in-heart), mentions of a future addiction for the reader (nothing specific is mentioned, and no actual use of illicit substances ever takes place), and Loki rifling through all of your stuff. It's fine, though! He has a good reason!

Author's Note : Apologies this is so late! It really, really got away from me, and I was absolutely struggling to get it done. But, it turns out I was just trying to do too much in one chapter, so once I cut it off at what was the halfway point, it became much more manageable. (Major shoutout to @infinitystoner for helping me with that. I love you!) Anyway, happy reading!

18+ Only - Minors DNI

⊱ ── ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ── ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ── ⊰

Date : June 26th, 1977 [Sacred Timeline]

Throughout his thousand years of existence, Loki had witnessed a great deal of beautiful things. The golden shine of the palace he’d grown up in was the first; its light reflected brighter than the birth of a newborn star, shining down with a brilliance unrivaled to anything short of divine intervention.

Every morning, he’d awake in awe of its splendor, and every night, when he laid his head upon his pillow, he’d wonder if anyone else ever noticed the terrible irony of such a gorgeous place containing the harshest of people.

The exquisite gardens of Asgard had always been his favorite place to be. Carefully tended to and guided by his mother’s loving hand, they contained every species of flower from each of the Nine Realms - meticulously organized by the shade of their petals, and perpetually in bloom thanks to her seidr.

It was the perfect place for reflection; he had spent many late nights in those gardens, wandering up and down the rows, taking in the sweet aroma of the flowers and pondering his lot in life. And during the worst of Thanos’ many tortures, he’d often imagine he was back there inside Frigga’s gardens - shielded and protected, and lost in majesty instead of in pain.

And the stunning destruction of the Bifrost would haunt him for the rest of his days. The explosion’s light caught the shards of the Rainbow Bridge and almost blinded him, illuminating nothing but his many failures in the most glorious of ways as he fell into its wake. The Bifrost had faded into golden dust, and clouds of sapphire and ultramarine had swirled together beneath him, and it was so magnificent that he almost forgot about the look of sheer disappointment upon his father’s face.

But none of those things, not a single one of them, could ever compare to the sight of you coming undone beneath his devoted tongue.

Loki continued working, his mouth and eyes eagerly taking in the evidence of your pleasure. His hands gripped your waist tight, as if to squeeze out every ounce of it that he could, while his lips and tongue lavished your clit. He’d never tasted something so divine, and he never wanted your pleasure to end.

You cried out his name like the holiest of prayers, and Loki moaned its accompaniment. He could almost see the light radiating off your skin as your back arched off the bed, and the blood in his veins surged with want as your thighs trembled against his ears. He desperately needed more, to keep you sated and satisfied in euphoria for as long as he could - but he also needed to be careful.

Because as far as you knew, Loki was just another simple mortal - one that had a job, and a family, and paid taxes. A human man, one that played rugby on the weekends, someone who was going to die in about forty years - when he was actually the furthest from anything that even resembledbanality.

Ordinarily, in situations like this, Loki’s seidr would be on full display - to set the mood by lighting the fire in the hearth and the candles on the nightstand. To keep the wine flowing in their glasses, and the sheets warm against your bare skin. To remove his clothing in a flash of green light, just so he could bury himself inside you the exact second he wanted to.

And Gods, how he helplessly wanted to be inside you again.

Loki hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since the night in the alleyway. It had been feral and hurried, dangerous and reckless, to take you against that wall and in public, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t the best he’d ever had. And it was so foolish of himself to think he could get by with only having you once, and so incredibly selfish to take you again while knowing what he knew about your future…

But even still, Loki’s cock ached underneath his trousers, throbbing in sync with every single beat of his heart. Desire coursed violently throughout his veins, mixing with both heat and adrenaline as he continued ravishing between your legs. He could feel you clenching rhythmically, your fingers tangling in his hair and your hips grinding upwards, and he could never deny you what you wanted.

You were just past the height of ecstasy when Loki began to crawl up your body, following behind his lips as they worshiped your skin. He kissed his way up your belly, gazing up at your ethereal expression as your head lolled back and forth on the pillow. Aftershocks washed over you, one by one, and your lips parted with desperate breath and pleasured murmurs. It was beautiful, and perfect, and of nothing but sheer divinity.

Loki kept his gaze locked on your face as he slowly kissed along your ribs, and your feet flexed, pressing into his hips as yours continued writhing. Your fingers curled tighter around his hair, a silent plea to urge him on, and he couldn’t believe that even after all of this, even while completely lost in the throes of ecstasy, you still wanted more of him.

His initial plan had been to take you as slowly as possible - to savor, and to idolize you. He’d never been wanted like this before, and he didn’t know if this would be the last time he’d get to experience it. A lifetime of neglect had taught him affection was ever fleeting, and he should always relish it whenever it came. What little patience he had was quickly disappearing by the second, soon to be nothing but a distant memory of the time before he was whole again.

Your eyes stayed closed as his name tumbled from your lips, and Loki knew this was the moment. He kept one hand clutched tight around your hip, and brought the other down to his belt, unbuckling it just enough to make a sound before his seidr dissolved the remaining clothing from his body and transported them to the floor, as if they’d been tossed aside in a hurry.

He moved upwards again, and when he reached your nipple and pulled it into his mouth, you whimpered in pleasure and dragged your nails across his scalp. A deep groan rumbled in his throat and he began to suck harder, flicking his tongue wildly against the stiffening peak. This time you let out a sharp gasp, and your feet planted on the mattress to arch your back even more and press your hips against something, anything, of his.

Loki graciously slid his thigh up to soothe the ache between your quivering legs, and you eagerly locked on to it, grinding your swollen clit against his taut muscles. You had been more than wet when he had gone down on you before, but now you were positively drenched with arousal, and Loki loved that about you. He’d never been so hard in his life, precum dripping onto your belly from the head of his glistening cock as the musk of sex filled the room.

Your head tilted back into the pillow and your thighs trembled violently, supported only by your tiptoes and your upper back as another orgasm ripped through you. Loki cupped your other breast, his thumb circling its nipple as he sucked even harder on the first, trying desperately to hold back his own ecstasy until he was buried deep inside you.

But that battle was becoming more and more difficult to win, and his equanimity was dissipating with each and every one of your breathless moans and whimpers. Loki moved his hands to carefully guide your feet flat, and then massaged your calves and thighs into relaxing as he carefully pulled his lips away from your nipple.

As he moved closer, your hands shifted to cling to his neck, his shoulders, his arms. Anything you could read, everything about him that was solid and real. He wanted so badly to assure you that he was, to shout it from the rooftops that he wasn’t just real, that he was - in fact - yours, and that was the only real thing that mattered.

Loki’s lips were on your collarbone when he finally coaxed your legs into position, relaxed but open for him. You were making unintelligible noises and your body continued trembling, but your hips kept rolling as he slowly settled his weight onto you and pressed his hips against yours.

“Loki…oh my, God, Loki…” you gasped breathlessly, sliding your hands up along his neck to his hair, to tangle in the mess of matted and sweaty curls against his scalp.

His breath shuddered as he gazed upon you, eyelids fluttering open and shut, and pupils dilated so wide to take him all in. His lips hovered just a touch above yours, inhaling as you exhaled, leaning in as you pulled him closer. He wasn’t running or cowering away, there was no fleeing or escaping. For the first time since the Tesseract had slid to his feet in the lobby of Stark Tower, Loki was exactly where he wanted to be.

“Yes, my darling…I’m here, just breathe…” he whispered, dragging his nose along the edge of yours. His voice shifted into a groan as you wrapped your legs around his waist; the soft skin of your thighs burned against him, branding a reminder into his flesh that this was where he belonged, and the soaked heat between your legs beckoned him back home.

The two of you were as naked as the day you were born - one born on Earth, and one born on Jotunheim. Dark green and satin sheets lay beneath you, twisted and tangled upon your bed. The air inside your room was almost overwhelming, a delicious mixture of heat and musk, and despite the very early morning hour, the city of London still bustled just outside your window, cruelly unaware of the magic that was about to happen above them.

Your lips met again, and even though the kiss was just as hungry as that night in the alleyway, there was something else now with it - a touch of familiarity, of knowing and acceptance even though it couldn’t really be - not with all the lies he’d been telling, and the truth he’d been withholding. Loki kissed you harder, trying to push those thoughts out of his brain, and you happily reciprocated.

As you introduced your tongue to the kiss, Loki cupped the back of your skull with one hand, and brought the other between your hips as he began to rock against you, dragging himself against your entrance and teasing you both into oblivion. Neither of you needed any further teasing, but he did it anyway, just to add the final touch of urgency. You whimpered and opened your hips even further, and on the next push, he was inside you again.

Suddenly, everything made perfect sense as the entire universe opened up before him. Loki let out the hoarsest of groans as he pushed deeper, and your lower back arched even more beneath him. Your fingers curled even tighter around his hair, your lips fell from his to moan his name again, and you were so wet and warm and safe that he felt like nothing could ever hurt him again.

All he ever wanted was to feel like this, and he slowly pulled himself out, just short of all the way, before sinking himself back inside. Your hips writhed uncontrollably as he did that a few more times, and Loki realized that you also needed the reminder that even if he pulled away or left completely, he would always come back to you. That he would never not be thinking of you, or of this.

Loki was already ruined before he began thrusting even faster, and there was absolutely nothing that could have ever stopped him. He buried his face against your neck and arched his back more harshly, pulling all the way out before pumping back inside. Your muscles squeezed around him, and your voice was nothing but breathless and incoherent gasps and moans as you took him in over and over again.

He snaked one arm around your back and the other around your waist as he moved faster, grunting and groaning against your skin as your fingertips scratched at his scalp. His muscles tensed as yours did, and he could tell by the sound of your voice that you were getting close already. His own orgasm was just seconds away, coiling around in his belly, stretching and yearning to break free as he drove himself harder, faster, deeper.

The tension broke simultaneously, and you cried out together, curling tightly around each other’s bodies, clinging for dear life as you came together. Endorphins and hormones coursed through Loki’s veins as the universe came into being, with stars exploding and dust swirling to form the galaxies and planets and realms that could stretch longer and further than anyone would ever know.

You clung so tightly to him during it all, as if you could see what he saw, but somehow he was the only thing that mattered. How could that be, that while an entire universe was being born, that the goddess of a mortal underneath could only look up at him?

Loki didn’t understand it one bit, but he didn’t need to, because all he could feel and see and smell was you. His hips continued rocking, shallower now that he was absolutely spent, and his sighs were heavy in the crook of your neck. He was in total and complete bliss when you let out a choked sob against his ear, and it instantly brought him back to reality.

“Darling…darling, what’s wrong?” he murmured, kissing your neck and squeezing you tighter. Had he done something wrong? Had he unintentionally hurt you in some way while lost in his own pleasure?

He could feel you shake your head, even as another sob escaped you. He could feel the tears streaming down your face and coating his own cheek, but your limbs still wrapped harder around him. Slowly, Loki lifted his head even though he was terrified of what he might see upon your face. His heavy eyelids fluttered open, his blurred vision effortlessly obscuring the tangled limbs and sweaty skin you both shared.

But when your face finally came into view, there was a smile beneath the tears on your cheeks. Your messy hair framed your face like an untidy halo - disconnected from, but still beautiful and fitting for the angel who wore it. Loki would never forget that smile and its tears, so happy and yet so sad all at the same time.

“I don’t know why, Loki…but I’ll be fine, I promise…” you answered in a voice that was so floating and breathless and light.

He could tell you meant it, and it should have reassured him, but it didn’t. The image of that newspaper from 1983 suddenly flashed before his eyes, and Loki remembered the initial reason he had come home with you last night.

⊱ ── ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ── ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ── ⊰

Date : June 27th, 1977 [Sacred Timeline]

Loki wasn’t exactly sure what he was searching for, but that wasn’t going to stop him from trying.

The sun was just beginning to encroach over the horizon, sending its rays over the city and into the bay windows of your high-rise flat. He padded cautiously into your living room, thankful for the plush white carpets between his toes to mute his exhausted steps.

There was nothing he wanted more than to slip back into bed with you and sleep the day away, but he had to take this opportunity while he still had the chance.

Loki could still see you, sleeping soundly in the arms of the duplicate he’d casted so as to not rouse any suspicion while he snooped. It felt so wrong to be doing this now, so soon after the night you’d just shared together, but the guilt of your future was driving him forward, egging him on and eating him away so badly he wouldn’t be able to have another decent rest even if he tried.

And it was odd, feeling jealous of something he’d conjured to keep you distracted, and in bed. It was, technically-speaking, him…but it wasn’t him- and he was the one who desperately needed the rest. Loki hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since well before Thanos’ capture, since he had lived in the palace on Asgard, and he had no idea when he’d be able to have it again…

Nevertheless, Loki shook his head and rolled it back and forth between his shoulders. His joints popped and cracked as he stretched his arms up over head, extending and pulling and desperately willing his limbs to fully awaken for the task at hand. He opened his eyes wider to take in more light, and he filled his lungs with as much oxygen as he could muster, held it for as long as he could, and released it slowly through his nose.

If anyone else could see him, they’d say he was stalling. Deception ordinarily came easy to him - Odin had taken advantage of that many times - but this was different; in fact, this was much, much worse. And he knew he wasn’t going to like what he found, but it needed to be seen anyway. He had to know if he was the cause of your future addiction, or if had already started before you’d even met.

Loki began his search in the kitchen, opening up the cupboards and pantries, quietly sliding items aside so he could see any possible illicit substances hidden in the back. He checked on top of the refrigerator and deep inside the freezer for excessive quantities of alcohol. He even looked through the drawers of silverware and utensils, the mail on top of the counter, the pockets of your coats hung by the front door for something, anything, that hinted at your painful future.

But he found nothing, just like he was afraid of. And it wasn’t because he wanted you to have an addiction, to be suffering silently and hiding your pain away from the world - he didn’t want that to happen to you at all, ever. But the more he searched, the more it became apparent that he would be the eventual cause of it.

And if he did manage to find something, he could offer you the help you needed. He could take care of you, instead of hurting you. He could be of use for something good, instead of the destruction he normally was.

From the kitchen, he returned to the living room, shoving his hands between the couch cushions and underneath the sofas. He flipped through the magazines stacked on the coffee table, and pulled the books off the bookshelves. All the while, trying so hard not to think about how he was going to eventually make addiction a reality for you.

Loki could tell you were eager to learn more about him, to know him more than just as a man who kept you company at night, and it was getting harder to dodge your questions. He knew you would have more when you awoke, and it wasn’t that you didn’t deserve to hear the answers, because of course you did. You deserved everything happy and safe and beautiful there could ever be, and Loki truly wanted to be the one to give all of that to you.

But Loki didn’t know what to tell you, because that had never been the truth of his reality. So what was he supposed to tell you? That he was the monster that parents told their children about at night?

That he’s an alien being from another realm, who could travel through time and space? That there were different versions of every single person living within multiple universes, and that in 35 years his past self would try to lead an alien army to violently take over New York City?

At best, you wouldn’t believe him at all, and at worse, you’d absolutely hate him for it…even if doing that is exactly what brought him to you in the first place.

After the last book was slid back into place, Loki sighed and turned his attention to the living room as a whole. Everything was clean and organized, everything had a specific place to be and was already there, and absolutely nothing was amiss. Nothing and everything was wrong, all at the same time, and the realization almost brought him to his knees.

Loki was going to ruin your life eventually; the only question now was how he was going to do it, and when he was going to hammer that final nail inside your coffin. Was it going to be as soon as you woke up? Was it going to be because he finally told you the truth?

His fingers pressed into his eye sockets as he collapsed onto the sofa, rubbing away furiously as he pondered his options. Truthfully speaking, how much time did you two have left together? The Loom was still on the verge of total destruction back at the TVA; his friends were back there right now, working tirelessly on a solution while he selfishly snuck away to see you again. To coddle his own emotions and guilt, when none of that would matter if they were unable to save the timelines at all.

And what was he supposed to do if they managed to prevent the Loom’s destruction? Keep sneaking away to come see you like a long-distance lover? Make up a pretend job for himself, never tell you the truth, and force you to perpetually linger in the liminal space between his crafted persona and who he actually was?

Not even he could keep a lie that massive forever. You would eventually discover the truth, or perhaps you would realize that there even was a truth different from the one he was selling you. Maybe what the truth was actually didn’t matter; maybe what mattered was that you couldn’t keep living a lie, and that was all it took to break you.

Loki leaned forward on the sofa, his elbows digging into his knees while dragging his fingertips down his cheeks and over his mouth. His palms pressed together in a silent prayer as his eyes roamed over the room. His eyes filled with tears as he realized this would have to be the last time he ever looked upon it. He would have to leave you, before either of you fell too hard - and maybe, just maybe, that would be enough to save you more than it would destroy him.

His expression was solemn as he stood back up from the sofa. He hoped he’d been overthinking your expression in the alleyway a week ago, in the club the night before, in your bed as you’d come together. His heart broke as he prayed that you didn’t actually care about him as much as he already cared about you, that this would actually be easy for you. That you still had the strength to pick up the pieces and carry on with your life.

As Loki turned to leave the living room, to start the long journey back to your bedroom and kiss you goodbye, his eyes caught the painting above your dining room table. His frown shifted into a smile, although his eyes were as distraught and disillusioned as ever. He stepped closer and pressed his fingertips across the frame, thinking about all the stories this single painting told.

You were so unbelievably talented; every brush stroke had been as carefully placed as the belongings inside your flat. How he wished he could see this tree that you loved so much, and how he longed to feel the same kind of permanent comfort that it seemed to bring you even now. He’d never felt such everlasting solace in his entire life, and he’d even happily settle for being able to provide that kind of love for you some day.

But it just wasn’t meant to be. And for now, all Loki could hope for was that your father or your friends could help you still move on.

He reluctantly pulled away and returned down the hallway, training his eyes straight ahead to avoid the beautiful and happy photographs plastered all over the walls. He tried desperately not to look at the candelabrum on the narrow bookshelf. But of course, the morning light caught it, reflecting off the polished brass and right into his anguished gaze.

Loki couldn’t help but pause in front of it, right outside the doorway to your bedroom. He could hear you breathing in your bed, slowly and peacefully, in the arms of his duplicate. You were so close, and yet so far, because he couldn’t tear himself away from the hall and its haunted reminder of his past life.

He’d seen that candelabrum before, but he didn’t know how it had found its way here. Surely, it had to be a coincidence, right? That the asymmetrically curved pieces swung upright to form the horns of the golden headpiece he used to wear before the TVA had taken him away?

Devil’s horns, the enemies of Asgard used to call them. The Dökkláfar of Alfheim had considered them omens of death, but it wasn’t in the same way they had feared Odin’s power, or his brother’s hammer. Those items could always be seen before striking down their enemies; their power was out in the open, demanding to be witnessed, and punishing for their disobedience to the throne.

But by the time an enemy ever saw Loki’s horns, it was already too late. The damage was already done, secretly in the shadows and hidden upon layers and layers of deceptions and lies. His enemies were already dead by the time Loki finally revealed himself and his Devil’s horns, and their last few seconds were usually spent wondering which trick it was that struck the final blow.

So what were they doing here, in this young woman’s flat? In London, in 1977, where he’d never been before and surely would never return to again? Surely there was no way you knew what they actually represented. No, it had to just be an unhappy coincidence.

Back on Asgard, Loki had been repeatedly regulated to operating within the shadows. In his younger years, he had believed it was simply because that was where he excelled. But then he knew better; he knew that Odin had kept him in the shadows intentionally, that he was fit to exist in the light. And now, he was being forced to recede into the shadows yet again, to be nothing but a hopefully wistful and fond memory of yours.

He had only just found you. He had only just come to know the caring touch of peace, and already he was having to give it back up.

Another tear rolled down Loki’s cheek, and he quickly wiped it away. He let out a sharp breath, steeled his jaw, and stepped back inside your bedroom, not at all ready to do the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.

⊱ ── ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ── ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ── ⊰

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temnurus · 6 months

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WWX POV Fic Recs

So! As a diehard Wei Ying fan, I thought it would be rather timely to come up with a rec list that showcased him in all his clever, chaotic, charming glory. This mostly some of my more recent reads, as I tried not to duplicate recs from my top ten list and the 10 extra honorable mentions because I couldn't stop myself.

Ahem. Anyway, this is a good mix of stuff. We've got everything from accidental baby acquisition, to case fic, to monsterfucking! (You're welcome, fellow deviants. 😉) Happy WWX day, folks! Now onto the recs!

hold up a mirror by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 36,170)

Thoughts: Another brilliant friends to lovers fic by one of my favorite authors. They wow me every single time, no exaggeration. In this one Wei Ying is lonely. He’s also tired of being set up on blind dates by his concerned brother when he stumbles upon the fact that Lan Zhan is pining for some idiot who has somehow failed to see how great he is. Obviously them pretending to date will solve both of these problems. Jiang Cheng will get off his back, & they’ll be able to make Lan Zhan’s crush jealous enough to realize what he’s missing. Cue me banging my head against my desk while muttering about their joint stupidity, & we have the recipe for yet another fic making it to my favorites list.

(we've got) time for one more by impossibletruths (E, 71,504)

Thoughts: I felt Wei Ying’s longing in my bones in this fic. For the music, for Lan Zhan, for all the things that could’ve been. He was such a good dad to A’Yuan, & their relationship was so touching. I cried several times in this fic, one of which was inspired by Wei Ying & the Jiang siblings trio. The feelings surrounding them & the planning of Yanli’s wedding were so bittersweet with canon lurking in the background. I really loved getting to see it come together differently here, though. Seeing Lan Zhan through Wei Ying’s eyes was also a huge treat here, & I loved their dynamic, angst & all. This was a great fic, highly recommended!

Stumbling Into You by Magnolia822 (E, 39,332)

Thoughts: I really enjoyed this one. Wei Ying & Lan Zhan’s relationship felt very soft here, & sometimes I love that. It really worked with the whole tone of the fic. I liked Lan Zhan’s characterization in particular, which was neat since the story is told from Wei Ying’s perspective. There was a touch of angst, mostly towards the end, but the fic definitely earned its happy ending tag. I recommend it if you enjoy college AUs & our boys being soft idiots in love.

Tripped at Every Step by brooklinegirl (E, 28,758)

Thoughts: This fic was such a fun read. Wei Ying’s confusion was just delightful, & seeing Lan Zhan shower him with love in every way he knew how was breath-takingly sweet. There was a lot of fun teasing & banter, as well as an incident with a hickey that had me laughing until I cried. Nothing hurt in this, & I appreciated that so much because sometimes you just need a little softness. This did that just right. I highly recommend it.

The Golden Cutsleeve by syrus_jones (E, 77,020)

Thoughts: This is one of the most glorious things I’ve ever read in my life. I am not exaggerating when I say that. I cannot tell you how many times I laughed so hard I cried. This fic was hilarious, sexy, & full of Wei Ying being his chaotic best self. I nearly lost my mind at how hot some of the smut was, & it definitely earned the Crack Taken Seriously & Porn with Feelings tags. I’m not normally a crack fic person, so my ringing endorsement of this fic should not be taken lightly. 10/10, will absolutely read it again. As should you!

so take my hand (take my whole life too) by cicer (E, 92,343)

Thoughts: This is the second accidental baby acquisition fic I read for Wangxian, & A-Yuan is much younger here, not even a year old. There are lots of cute baby moments, including Wei Ying & Lan Zhan figuring out how to be parents together on the fly. Wei Ying had a huge crush on Lan Zhan and was, of course, convinced that Lan Zhan didn’t like him back. He is very, very stupid, but that’s okay because he’s obviously always very wrong about that. I laughed a lot at this fic, but it was also very touching. Not a whole lot of angst here besides the unfortunate reason for A-Yuan being left with them, but those subjects aren’t graphically described or deeply gone into.

In Love and War by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 68,321)

Thoughts: This is A/B/O dynamics done right & is easily the best of the trope that I’ve read for this ship. Mind the tags, of course, but I do recommend this if Omegaverse is your thing. Wei Ying’s plan to make himself insufferable didn’t go quite as well as he’d hoped, & before he knew it he was suffering the indignity of falling in love with his own husband. The nerve! Haha. There’s a good amount of angst, & the depth of feeling was gripping. I also enjoyed the side pairing of SangCheng. This author wrote a Hualian fic that’s one of my favorite fanfics period, so that certainly lends itself to the quality of the writing.

Full Moon Blues by Unforth (E, 39,034)

Thoughts: Alright monsterfuckers, this one’s for you. It’s exactly what you’d expect. Wei Ying’s phobia of dogs plays a large role. The depiction of panic attacks is very visceral in this fic, so be warned if that’s an issue for you. The angst is all emotional in nature & does pass eventually, leading to the star of this fic, the fucking. Oh my goodness, the fucking. The smut is so hot it nearly melted my face off! If you like werewolf sex, you’re in for a treat here. But don't let that fool you, their emotional connection is just as satisfying as the smut! I recommend anything by Unforth, to be honest. I’ve loved everything I’ve read by them.

for sale: eboy bathwater, never used by lewdwife (E, 25,123)

Thoughts: This was absolutely hilarious, boarderline Crack Treated Seriously almost. The Sugar Daddy thing is a sort of almost/but not really kind of thing, but I honored the author’s tag anyway. I could feel the convention energy as Wei Ying & the gang geared up for it, & it was a whole lot of fun. The smut was absolutely filthy & very, very good. I definitely recommend this one. It was adorable.

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 179,769)

Thoughts: Despite this being rated Mature it actually does contain smut! It’s maybe tame smut compared to most Explicit rated fics, but I’ve always found there to be a very fine line between the two ratings that no one can really agree on. I digress, though. This fic is plot-heavy & plot-driven. It’s an interesting case fic that also features an arranged marriage between Wei Ying & Lan Zhan in order to redeem Wei Ying in the eyes of the cultivation world after the events at Qiongqui Path. The Wens end up being sheltered by the Lans at Cloud Recesses instead of the Burial Mounds as a result. I enjoyed the twists & turns of this, & watching them slowly get closer was as rewarding as always. There was some interesting cultivation theory featured as well.

#mdzs #the untamed #wangxian #lan zhan #wei ying #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wangxian fic rec #Temnurus rec list #to my main man wwx #happy birthday baby #he's so dumb y'all #i love him so much #bless his heart

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blu3cl0v3rs · 6 months

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Wojira's Ghost Season 5 Rewrite-ish

Plus the seasons before it, but whatevs-

So if you've been reading my Morrotober posts, you might remember my Day 6 prompt featuring my Wojira's Ghost AU. This is slightly inspired by someone's Storm Tether AU, which I can't find anymore.

Mostly follows canon until Season 5, but from Nya's perpective, of course with Ghost Morro being himself.

More Lloyd and Nya content, because while this is Wojira Duo centric, I love them too!

In season 3 and 4, Morro and Garmadon hang out, and it is revealed to Nya that they know each other and are quite close.

Morro acts... weird around Wu. Even the mention of the old man gets him into a mood.

This, of course, builds up tension between Morro and Nya.

At the end of Season 4, Morro and Nya get into a huge argument, and Morro leaves.

Now starting on Season 5's rewrite!

Wu and Misako (btw in this AU there's no romantic stuff between them, and the letter thing never happens) start up a tea shop together, having the Ninja help out with it when they can

Speaking of the Ninja, here's how they (and the Wojira Duo) are doing:

Kai is very happy Zane's back; he's quite clingy and protective of the titanium man. However, he also worries a lot about his younger siblings, who have been avoidant and down ever since Sensei Garmadon sacrificed himself.

Cole has been mostly hanging out with the other Main 4 and spending time with his dad. After Sensei Garmadon's sacrifice, he realizes how easy it is for his family to leave and has been more interactive with his loved ones since. He's worried about Lloyd and Nya, who have been distant.

Jay has been hanging out with Zane a bunch since he was found. He worries a lot about his girlfriend, who seems to be super upset about Sensei Garmadon's sacrifice, but Jay thinks there's something else going on. He tries his best to be there for Nya and Lloyd as they deal with what they're struggling through.

Zane has been happy, as he's with his family now and has Pixal back. He feels as if they are being a bit overprotective, though he doesn't really mind. He is concerned about Lloyd who is handling Sensei Garmadon's sacrifice rather badly. Nya is also upset about something she will not admit, so he will be patient with her nd be there when she needs him.

Lloyd has been burying himself in his Ninja duties, and when he's not on a mission or training he's in his room pouring over anything he can find about the Cursed Realm and realm travel. He mostly eats in the silence of his old room and often cries himself to sleep. He's noticed Nya's also sad about something, and sometimes they exist in the same room doing fheir own respective things in silent solidarity.

Nya spends most of her time avoiding people. The only person she's really around is Lloyd. She regrets her fight with Morro, and wishes she understood why he had an issue with Sensei Wu. She waits, hoping he might pop up and they can apologize.

Morro is no longer tied to Ninjago. By leaving Nya and abandoning his job of watching over her, he accidentally sent himself back to the Cursed Realm. He realized his mistake and regrets it immensely. The Preemminent recognizes that and preys on it, and essentially possesses Morro using his regret, lingering hatred of Lloyd getting the title of the Green Ninja, and left over, messy feelings about Wu (burnt out gifted kid-core).

So yeah, Lloyd, Morro, and Nya are not doing great...

But, Lloyd learns about something called the Realm Crystal, which can teleport you to any realm! He asks Wu about it, and Wu tells him that the Realm Crystal was in the FSM's tomb, but there was no message left behind to find it.

And, Nya discovered that she has the ability to control water! She asked Sensei Wu about it, and he confessed he didn't want to tell her, as she had already become Samurai X. They agree that her learning how to control her abilities does not have to change her being Samurai X, and she starts training.

Anyways, instead of Morro escaping, Wrayth escapes! He steals the Allied Armor of Azure, summons Bansha, Ghoultar, and Soul Archer, and show up at Wu and Misako's tea shop to steal Wu's staff. By some stroke of luck and a lot of teamwork, the ghosts get the staff and escape the Ninja.

Of course, the Ninja also had the symbols copied down, and they embark on their journey to get the Realm Crystal, both to stop Wrayth and co. and get Sensei Garmadon back (and Nya to get Morro back).

It bounces back and forth between the Ninja learning Airjitzu (CYCLONDO), getting the Sword of Sanctuary, and finding the tomb, and Garmadon and Morro in the Cursed Realm, with the last we see of them Morro becoming fully possessed by the Preeminent. Cole doesn't get turned into a ghost. Yet. Also all the stuff with Ronin happens.

The Ninja and the ghosts fight over the Realm Crystal in the tomb, and Lloyd gets taken hostage. Kai pulls the same trick he uses in canon Season 5, and Cole gets turned into a ghost by Wrayth's chain-blade-thing. The ghosts scamper off to Stiix and bring the Preeminent to Ninjago, with the grand reveal of...

Morro

Possessed, angry, violent Morro.

He's an almost complete contrast to the Morro that Nya knows, this one lashes out, yells a lot, and is very harsh. He is nothing like the soft-voiced, distantly caring ghost she grew up with. But, the weirdest part is how much he targeted Sensei.

Then, she looks over and sees Wu. Wu, who looks shocked, crestfallen, and remorseful. Wu, who knows Morro.

Wu hastily explains during the fight that Morro was his first student, which triggered a rage from Morro, who screamed about his past. The one thing he never told Nya.

The Ninja are all knocked down, save for Lloyd, who was tasked with getting the Realm Crystal and wasn't there. Wu is stuck in his head. Nya is the only one left. She talks with Morro. She apologizes. She apologizes again and again, relentless, as Morro seems to come to his senses.

Then, he screams, and a haunting, sickly sweet voice permeates the air from seemingly everywhere. It's the Preeminent. She tells Morro that Nya is lying, that no one cares for him, and that his destiny was stolen.

Nya is pissed off. She just wants her ghost friend back. So, she summons a big ass wave and drowns the tentacled horror, and Lloyd teleports back with his father in tow.

The Ninja ask how Nya knew Morro, and she explains that she grew up with Morro watching over her. Morro elaborates and tells them how Kai, as a kid, summoned and bound him to Nya. The Ninja also ask how Nya summoned that wave, because she and Wu never told them about her powers, and she tells them that she's the Elemental Master of Water, but is still Samurai X.

While the Ninja + Nya and Sensei Garmadon talk about that, Morro and Wu talk. Wu apologizes and tells Morro how he should never had made it seem like Morro needed to be the Green Ninja, and that he was already good enough just being himself. Wu also apologizes for not chasing after Morro, and that it was wrong of him as a teacher and father.

It ends with Morro meeting the Ninja and they all hang out as a big happy family

And that's how Season 5 goes in Wojira's Ghost! Let me know if you want me to elaborate on the other seasons in this AU, or character dynamics/relationships.

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zenaidamacrouras1 · 19 days

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15 questions for 15 friends

I got tagged by @voylitscope and @booksandabeer. Hello, I hope y'all are doing very well today.

Are you named after anyone? >>> Yes, my dad, being the third child, my parents thought this was amusing. I used to hate it (my relationship with my dad is COMPLICATED and my name is gender neutral, which as a more or less gender neutral adult, I like, but as a kid who felt really confused about gender, I did not).

I've grown into it. Our first and middle names are one letter different, but, fun fact, when I bought my house they spelled my name like his name on the deed and he briefly owned my house, I guess? I mean, I fixed the typo. I joked about it to the real estate agent people and they were like "your dad didn't actually own your house just because of this typo, you know that right?" and like yeah, I know, it's just funny.

When was the last time you cried? >>> I rarely cry, for whatever reason. I occasionally get a stoic, manful misting in my eyes or brief tightness in the back of my throat I have to swallow down while staring into the distance. It's probably not healthy, but I have bigger fish to fry. (and if I'm crying into my fish frying grease the tears will make the oil will pop everywhere, so we can't have that, this metaphor is getting confusing).

Do you have kids? >>> I do. I talk about them all the time because they are fun interesting people and also my pals.

What sports do you play/have you played? >>> My rebellion as a child was to not play sports, which I definitely regret, but I did do ballet for a long time, I was always a "back row" dancer e.g. the worst in the class but there's nothing wrong with spending a great deal of time doing something you're quite bad at. Anyway, I'm better at ballet than most people who never took lessons.

Do you use sarcasm? >>> No. (hahahahahahahahhhaaaa)

What’s the first thing you notice about people? >>> Ummm...vibes?

What’s your eye color? >>> Glowing red when I'm doing an evil spell, but otherwise blue.

Scary movies or happy endings comedies? >>> I almost never watch movies. What kind of movie is Lord of the Rings and The Winter Soldier? Those two, plus a few others.

Any talents? >>> I am good at making quick assessments and breaking down complex things into simple, easier to understand things, which, damn those ancient Greeks for always being right, is probably as much of a weakness as a strength. Also I have won a blue ribbon for quilting at a state fair which is very wholesome as I am a wholesome, stoic midwesterner.

Where were you born? >>> A very wholesome, stoic hospital in the rural midwest, surrounded by cornfields to the horizon.

What are your hobbies? >>> laying in bed and reading, walking places, sewing things, writing stuff, wishing everyone would leave me alone for ten damn minutes, feeling antsy when no one is bothering me.

Do you have any pets? >>> I just posted a picture of my cat. I didn't mention it there but she has bad eyesight and can't jump up to things, she often misses so just climbs everything or stays on the ground. It was great when she was an outside cat because she couldn't catch birds, though she would sometimes manage a snake and bring it in the house and leave it in the laundry basket.

How tall are you? >>> 5'11" but for what it's worth I'm the shortest person in my immediate family.

Favorite subject in school? >>> I really liked sociolinguistics classes in college. I liked art and biology and creative writing classes too. I like a lot of things. I like learning. I loved going to college. I'm a first generation college student and aside from the angst and bad attempts at romance and depression and anxiety and panic attacks, I really did feel lucky the whole time I was in college.

Dream job? >>> I need a job that helps people because I can only make myself do something boring if it I feel like I "owe" someone. I need a job that changes every few weeks so it is less boring. Both criteria I basically have, except I would like my current job to be less stressful and endlessly high stakes, except if it wasn't I would probably be bored, and also I would like fewer people that annoy me.

God I'm supposed to tag people now. What an absolute nightmare. Okay. I'm doing it. Don't hate me. @burberrycanary @msilverstar @bookgeekgrrl @fsbc-librarian @late-to-the-party-81 @blackwood4stucky @otpcutie

#zenaida talks (too much)#writer asks #ask games #ask away #god no one wants to know any of this #I will do anything not to do my job #waiting for the ritalin to kick in

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freeuselandonorris · 21 days

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15 questions 15 friends

i was tagged by i thinkkk @bright-and-burning and @481boxboxbaby absolutely ages ago, sorry it's taken me so long to get to this!

Are you named after anyone? no! my mum liked the name sophie because it means ‘wisdom’ in greek and she’d lived in greece for a while.

When was the last you cried? i had a little sob watching the ‘life and death of lily savage’ documentary on itv the other week because i am still so, so sad about paul o’grady dying, i adored him. as a kid, my favourite comedians (who i saw on tv) were julian clary and lily savage. half their jokes flew over my head but that dog was always in me!! anyway, as for real sobbing crying… i’m actually not sure? it was a while ago for sure. may it stay that way 🙏

Do you have kids? nope, and i won’t be having them. people used to tell me i’d change my mind once i got older and now i’m 35 and still have not experienced a single maternal twinge.

What sports do you play/have you played? i don’t play any kind of competitive sports and have avoided them for most of my life (i have extremely poor hand-eye coordination, hypermobile limbs and rubbish lungs. i’m not built for speed) but i do pole fitness and have done for about three years now, i’m not great at it (see above) but i loooove it and it’s gotten me way more hench than i was.

Do you use sarcasm? i used to use it constantly as a defence thing but less so these days. i do still use it though yeah.

What is the first thing you notice about people? sometimes i have this thing where the first second i meet someone i have this weird shine effect where i know they’re going to be a very important part of my life (good or bad). it’s only happened about three or four times but it’s always been right. on a more prosaic level: eyes, smile, body language.

What is your eye color? blue. it’s quite bright.

Scary movies or happy endings? scary movies!! love a good horror. i don’t like jumpscares or found footage/haunted doll whatever ones, but i love the nasty shit: video nasties, torture porn, french extreme, pinky horror, faux snuff, that kinda thing. i don’t want them so much these days but i was pretty obsessed for a while.

Any talents? i’m good at writing and drawing/painting, and i’m quite practical in the sense that i can fix things and build things, like i LOVE building flatpack furniture. i think my main ‘talent’ though is just that i can pick things up quickly. if i’m shown how to do something, generally i can do it pretty well quite quickly and i don’t need to be shown lots of times, and i’m good at being given a starting point and figuring things out from there. i think that’s the ‘talent’ i use most in life, certainly in work anyway.

Where were you born? north-west england.

What are your hobbies? writing! painting, drawing, reading, gaming, pole, strength training. i also have the classic ADHD thing of picking a new thing to be obsessed with for a month and spending a fortune on it three times a year.

Do you have any pets? no :( my mum has a lovely big useless fat cat called bandit though who i have shared custody of, she just can’t live at my flat.

How tall are you? 5’8’’ or 172cm

Favorite subject at school? art and english. i also quite liked what we called ‘tech’ which was like woodwork, metalwork, product design type stuff.

Dream job? i do not dream of labour. fr though i don’t really have one and never have, apart from maybe writer or artist but realistically i think i’d end up hating them if i had to rely on them to pay my bills. i thought about trying to get into motorsport jobs for a while but the hours look long, the pay is terrible, the atmosphere for femme people is…mixed, and i’d have to move halfway across the country. so yeah idk. universal basic income now!

not tagging anyone bc i'm so late to the party on this lol, but if you haven't been tagged and want to be, lmk and i'll tag you!

#tagged

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feralwifey · 7 months

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Regarding my breakdown last night lol. I don't really have anyone to ask because the only people irl that really know my baby are my parents and they're great grandparents but we're really bad parents.

I did a lot of reading and found this post from a psychologist talking about exactly what I was struggling with. At night we bed share and I always nurse her to sleep which ends up in her nursing for hours. She also just seems to cry a lot. She's very sensitive in general, but also extremely active, she definitely has fomo like she'll stop nursing a million times to see what's going on sometimes and because of sleep deprivation on my side I've been more stressed and I guess it might have been affecting her as well. Anyway that post talks exactly about that. And I've figured.out that I'm literally scared to death of her crying and me not knowing what to do. Because I was neglected or specifically my mother would get angry when she couldn't figure out why I was crying I've been projecting my trauma onto her.

Long story short, if she's fed, fresh diaper, has no pains, isn't sick, etc but she still cries in my or my husband's arms then we'll just hold her and that's it. Maybe this seems obvious to most parents but because of my trauma I was always in "fix it or you'll die" mode. I will also not constantly nurse her at night anymore. Like she'll get fed but she won't have unrestricted access because maybe it's not true but the post compared it to eating when you're stressed. Which it is but idk how babies brains work with that. Anyway it talked about how sometimes or often in some cases babies just cry to deal with stuff that's going on or just something they're mentally dealing with. Which is so stupid why it didn't occur to me like I do it all the time. And it talked about how just like us sometimes they just need a shoulder to cry on. Idk I literally cried while reading it to my husband because it made me feel stupid for not even thinking about that option.

Let's see if this will help.

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lincolndjarin · 5 months

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THE RO R.E.P.O.R.T

week one :

happy sunday all!!

so i've been feeling a little better and i saw this on tik tok and i think i'm gonna start doing this on sundays, even if it's annoying lmao it's nice to feel better (i started taking my meds again) also this was like,,, really fun so if you like it do it and tag me cause i wanna see !! <3

Reading:

Tragically nothing right now.

between writing and home renovation i've had absolutely no time to myself but i've got five days off for thanksgiving and i definitely will be getting to some books soon!! here's a photo of me painting my room w my mom

Eating:

the gas station in town has those blue cookie tins and i'm obsessed, took them to the movies with me

Playing:

i've been catching up on hey riddle riddle while working around the house!!

Obsessing:

Bob's Burgers !!

i'm always watching bob's burgers, it's my comfort show like i literally just loop it, when i finish it i just restart. (having autism makes me super normal about things) specifically this week i rewatched the blade runner episode where tina buys herself a new shirt and the girls at school make fun of her for it and like every other time i've watched it i cried like a baby

Recommending:

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes !!

i saw this yesterday, i've loved the hunger games since i was a wee tween and i didn't go to the movies a lot growing up which is why i go so much now. so i never got to see a hunger games movie in theatres until now and i fucking loved it, i know opinions are all over the place but i adored it and highly recommend it!!

Treating:

even though i haven't had time to read i did recently buy a new kindle!! (i could not resist the green back kindles) my old one was a hand me down from my mom that she got ten years ago and took a very long time to turn the page lmao

anyways, that's all from me this week, i did manage to get a chapter out and paint my room so i'm pretty excited about that!! i'm hoping to spend this upcoming weekend writing an oh honey update and working through some stuff for bks week!!

luv y'all, hope everyone has a great week!!

#ro rambles #the ro report #personal

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goodfully · 9 months

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a little delayed but i wrote most of this in my notes app waiting for internet access hahaha i finished reading the third book yesterday, mostly in the car, im in the middle of a trip with family and relatives so this might be more vague/disorganized. mm okay thoughts on "those who leave and those who stay"!

i mean all of this in a lighthearted way! but wow idk what i was expecting with nino, i was lowkey hoping he wouldnt be a major character in the third book. oh my god, i swear every time ninos name was revealed (the author of some article, somebodys friend, some babys father, etc..) i mentally rolled my eyes.. i get that hes an important character and its great how he encourages lenu with her academic work much more than pietro ever did, but wow, tbh ive had enough with this guy hahaha

okay! i think what i liked most about this book is that that while the first two books were centered on lenu and lila looking towards their future and escaping their neighborhood, the third book was so much of them both looking back on the past. by that i mean, both their own lives in that neighborhood in naples, as well as history and politics globally.

anyway im glad we got more political history in this book, it just makes sense to i think. lenu and lilas lives are very much affected by it, and always had been, but it becomes much more clear to them now that theyre older, altho ig in different ways. mm like understanding the connection between the violence in the neighborhood they grew up in and the systems of exploitation that exist globally (like imagine finding your first boyfriend is the leader of some fascist thugs that beat ppl up in front of the factory your friend works at). i think its important bc ever since the first book im sure that we've been hearing from both lenu and lila that they feel as tho something beyond their grasp and comprehension is keeping them from escaping from the lives they had/have. and like.. maybe theyve known it was the patriarchy, fascism... before they even knew what it was. ahh the stuff that lenu said in the beginning about how we cant really escape bc the world is poisoned everywhere. its a bleak view, but that part in the very beginning was ahhhhh...

oh god, lenu having daughters.. like.. more mother/daughter relationship things... the things girls learn from their mothers (dede and elsa in front of the mirror acting dissatisfied with the way they look.. i know it was a short, insignificant scene but i would have cried) and also. when lenus mother came to take care of her, and she said "i was afraid she would never return. but she always did"... ahh!!! and then when elena told her daughters about leaving their father and both of her daughters asked if she would take them or begged her to stay. screams. oh oh oh and every single time she notices that one the younger children resembles their father???

as much as i do adore lenu, i find myself attached to lila.. so when there was that big chunk of just purely lilas part of the story, i was excited (despite the very distressing events)... anyway thoughts on that lila part:

i was thinking about how much this part showed how revolutionary movements arent that straightforward, esp between the actual working class and the intellectual students, like when revolutionary movements arent led by the ones the revolution was made purposefully to liberate? ohh actually i have a lot of thoughts on this and the events that happened, i like how much ferrante talks about it, but ill keep it short.. the part with lilas speech in the pamphlet, the fight in front of the factory, pasquale and nadia disagreeing with lenu helping lila, local and state armed fascists, union organizers not truly representing the workers, its relation to the patriarchy etc..

also so heartbreaking, seeing lila lose her mind over her child, believing that the closer he is to her, the more likely he'll break.. like her. god god i understand that feeling, but i imagine its so much worse for lila when its her own child. that thing about feeling trapped in the same fate as your parents is just so so sad. ive literally never wanted to have my own children bc of this.

i know im projecting onto lila, but tbh the idea that lila is aroace is...!!! haha.. like when she was crying and telling enzo that she loves him and wishes every night to hold him close, but "beyond that i dont want anything." and hhfhrh idk i feel this way for a lot of ppl and know i risk being left if im unable to give what the other person in a relationship wants and they suffer for it. hh

oh! i think its cool that while the revolutionary/workers rights movement was a bigger thing for lila, the feminist movement was more significant for lenu.. god pietro was so??? idk why he was so insistent on following traditional husband/wife roles. i thought something was off about him since they first got engaged and he didnt care of her novel. tbh i am happy for her and hope she gets to be content with her self and her life in the next book. oh and the new thing that lenu writes is so interesting... i think maybe the women in the books would find it the truth for them, except probably lila. so it was interesting when alfonso tells lila that he wants to if he was a woman, hed want to be like lila.

oh some other random parts i keep thinking about: when she and lila were talking excitedly like when they were children, and the talk finally inspired something in her to write a second novel. and when lila read it, and cries. and they both say they dont know who they are without the other.. and when lenu starts rambling about how she believes lila has the intense capacity for apocalyptic violence like she did at the start of the second book, i go crazy i love that hahaha. hmm and gigliola... i remember not thinking much of her yet in the first two books, but really i like her and feel a lot for her.

mm there might be stuff i forgotten to mention, but ill end this here for now! i cant believe its only one book left already...

#finished reading #those who leave and those who stay #neapolitan novels

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nihilnovisubsole · 1 year

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Hi, I hope this isn't a bother, but I'm attempting to be a writer and feeling a bit lost in my life, trying to gain some footing, and I was wondering how did you start out with writing or what has your writing journey looked like? Did you go to school for writing specifically or was it something that came after?

sure, i can always talk about that. i've told a lot of these stories before, but they're worth re-telling. your perspective changes over the years. when you say "lost" and "trying to gain footing," i'm not sure whether you mean professionally or emotionally, so i'll talk about both.

i always wanted to be a writer. a lot of writers share that experience: a deep, primordial urge that they felt from an early age. they'll say, "i can't not write," or they'll describe these nagging ideas that they simply have to exorcise. it's not everyone, though. some people start writing to process a hard time in their life, or they journal, but don't think about making a career of it until later. some authors say a specific book awakened something in them. you get the idea. in short, there's no bad place to start.

but i always knew. i also knew i wanted to be a lit major, and i grew up in a household that pushed very hard toward that. i didn't care that it wasn't a slingshot to a high-paying job. i wanted to study books and be a writer, and that was that. [there were a few reasons i chose lit over creative writing! we can get into that later. i'm already going to keep you a while.]

this is a philosophically-tricky part of the story to tell. i don't know where you are. in america, college is, well, a lot. it's hideously expensive. most undergrads go into debt. many would question the wisdom of throwing that money toward an english degree. it's an ugly debate, and it squeezes the beating heart of what you think the point of higher education is. i don't get into it, because between good grades and sudden, extreme poverty, the financial aid system took pity on me. i got my lit training debt-free. i was lucky. most people don't. i'm very glad i did it! should you? you'll have to decide for yourself.

the thing was, in my late teens, i didn't appreciate it. i was too busy fretting that i wasn't any good. [if you've read my old stuff, you might laugh to yourself and say, "oh, don't worry, you weren't!" but, you know, don't rub it in.] i was down a well that most creative people find themselves in at some point: both terrified to fail and utterly convinced that i would. i thought i'd never manage to write a novel-length story. my plots had huge flaws that i had no idea how to fix. so i just... did nothing! i avoided serious writing projects for years, because it was easy, and i didn't want to confront all that.

it took two things to break me out of that: fallout new vegas, and life dumping a bucket of cold water over my head. many games have great plots, but fallout new vegas hit storytelling notes that i'd never seen in an RPG before. i felt connections to steinbeck and the old movies i'd been raised with. i wanted to dig into the world and explore new corners of it. at the same time, i noticed that some people were skeptical of my writing, and even the legitimacy of my desire to pursue it. it made me mad as hell! more than that, it made me realize that if you want to do something, you have to actually do it. i'm not telling you to write a thousand words a day. i'm saying your love of it has to triumph over your fear of being bad. don't underestimate spite as fuel. i threw myself into a new vegas fanfic, and once i finished it, i never looked back. i've written steadily ever since.

even so, i had a problem. you can't pay bills with fanfic. i graduated, and the world of adult finance became real. first, i kicked the can down the road and applied to writing MFAs, thinking i'd get scouted for a publishing deal there. i got rejected from all of them, and i later found out that MFAs don't work like that anyway, so, eh. i cried, i moved on. i still had to make some money, so i took a job transcribing reality TV bites for some fifty bucks a week. it was only a couple of years later that i noticed a friend of mine had found a contract job writing for a mobile romance game. i inquired about it, and - hallelujah! they were taking new writers! it didn't work out the first time! they asked me back a few months later! as gullible and desperate i was, and as sour as things became, i still never would have gotten started if it weren't for them.

if you're looking for work, i'd tell you to keep your eyes open. writing opportunities won't always come where you think they do. as henry rollins says, "say yes to stuff." i could give you a more detailed history of my job-hunting if you'd get some use out of it. if your conflict is more emotional, i'd ask, what are you drawn to? what parts of human experience interest you? failing that, what do you find hot? you're smart. you'll figure it out.

#asks #anon #writing #long post

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sinisterlutist · 8 months

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1, 5, 6, 10, 13 (Rainy), 22 (Past the Stargazing Season - Mili)

1. Song that’s currently stuck in your head

Find Your Flame from Sonic Frontiers, particularly the line

‘Now here we go, it's the end of the show/ Hear them, they’re calling your name/ Cause in the end/ It’s you and your friends/ You’ll find your flame’

I’m not really a big fan of hard rock with yelly/screamy bits in it, but man, I love the chorus, bridge, and lyrics of this one enough that I can listen to it!

(Also, secondarily, bc I’ve been writing this on and off for a while now, Luisa’s Bones by Crooked Fingers has now wormed its way back into my head.)

5. Songs to calm you down

Soooo much ambient stuff, and a LOT of game music! I’ll try and mix in some variety here.

Fukurou — Kokia

Quiet Water — Toby Fox (Undertale)

Late Night — Pokemon Legends: Arceus

The Valley — Lucas Paakh (William & Sly)

Best of Antent — Antent (playlist arranged(?) by BLUME) look I just pop that on when I need to sleep, it’s great, super relaxing.

6. Songs that pump you up

Gr8 Story — covered by Takanori Oyama and Toshiyuki Toyonaga (this is a character cover by the voice actors of two of my favorite characters of one of the endings of one of my favorite animes. It never fails to make me smile. It HAS to be this version, the original is just not nearly as good.)

Fortune Days — The Glitch Mob (you’d be surprised how cool this makes you feel just walking somewhere)

Guitarmass — Infected Mushroom

フェイク (Fake) — Eve

Let’s Face It I’m Cute — 11 Acorn Street

街 (City) — Vivid Bad Squad (Project Sekai)

10. What’s a song you love that might surprise some people?

This is actually really hard, I’m not sure? Uhhh, how about You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave by Fall Out Boy? I don’t really listen to a lot of music most people consider popular, but this one was on someone’s character playlist (which are ALSO something I don’t usually check out, but I’m sure you can guess who it was for), and honestly, it’s just such a jam anyway? I love the lyrics.

13. Give me a mood and I’ll pick a song that fits it (Rainy)

Dance of the Spirituals — Jonny Southard

This one is just one of the nicest piano pieces I’ve ever heard, and pairs beautifully with rain and a good book.

Hatachi no Koi — Lamp

Lamp in general is just full of songs that could put you right to sleep in the rain- and they’re cute, too. I think you’ll like this one :)

22. Based on my blog, give me a song you think I should listen to, I’ll share my thoughts. (Past the Stargazing Season - Mili)

… wow. Okay, so I was gonna start off with “oh man, this voice- the first time I heard it was in the rhythm game Deemo, I loved the song pack with this voice,” and then the song went on and I was reading the lyrics and I have a feeling I think I know why you sent me this song and thinking about that possible situation with this playing and all that, uhhh, I cried? That was amazing. Sheesh, man. Wow. I had an entire experience in the span of 4 minutes. Thank you.

I loved answering these. Thank you for asking them. Criminy. I’m gonna go lay down.

「x」

#answer #I’m sorry that took so long but I really hope you enjoy the music!!

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shaampoo · 6 months

Text

BOOM, OC. Casey Thompson, son of Lady Luck and Mr. Misfortune

"Oooh, this fight would make a great picture"

"CASEY, YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE AND THIS IS A HERO-VILLAIN FIGHT, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE"

"Mmm... I'm sure I'll be fine"

-----------------------------------

So, Casey Thompson, 20-year-old journalist, photographer, trans man, college student in engineering, someone who anonymously works with hackers to expose corrupt heroes or government, AO3 writer, go to kidnapping victim of the villains, adopted little brother of Ryan Thompson, or Velocity, and son of Lady Luck and Mr. Misfortune. Interesting life am I right?

WARNING FOR THIS BACKSTORY CAR CRASH AND DEATH (damn, dark turn frfr), IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ THE CAR CRASH THING, SKIP TO THE RED TEXT (dunno if this is actually needed, but just in case!)

So, Casey was the son of Lady Luck and Mr. Misfortune, unfortunately, misfortune struck, Lady Luck and Mr. Misfortune went out on a date, leaving 5 year old Casey at home, sadly, his parents never came back, as Mr. Misfortune was at the wheel, driving back home, when they crashed into a truck, Mr. Misfortune died on impact, Lady Luck was fortunate enough to survive, but she didn't want to leave her husband, she hoped to get her husband out of the car, hoping he was alive, but then the car blew up, so yeah.

Alright, no more car crash thing, just backstory

Casey was at home the entire time, just playing with his toys with the babysitter, April, when the police came to tell casey the news, at first Casey thought they were joking, after all, it was a bright sunny day, he was just playing with his toys, having a great time, wouldnt the day be rainy, stormy, sad if they died? But after a while, they got casey to believe them, Casey cried, of course. Since Casey has no close biological family members, he was sent to an orphanage, after a few months, he got adopted by the Ryan's family

lil bit of backstory for Ryan, Ryans parents died when Ryan was really little, like 1 year old, so now Ryan lives with his grandparents,

It took a while for them to get used to each other, especially with Casey being really nervous, but after a while, Ryan and Casey are really close,

Now that the backstory is over, here are some stuff about Casey!

First of all, Casey is a photographer and journalist because its one of his interests, but also because he doesn't know / remember much of his parents, but he does have a picture album of them that they left behind, so now, he wants to journal and photo everything to make sure nothing ever gets forgotten,

Caseys pictures and journalising do give him a bit of fame, Casey has like, a news thing (idk what to call it), blog (???), and he post stuff, giving a little backstory on how he got the picture, then telling what happened, and the people watching him just love it, how Casey is one of the very few people (in fact the only person) who takes close up pictures of hero-villain fight, and journals them, since yknow, those who tried it probably are at the hospital or six feet under, but Casey, being a child of Lady Luck, leaves unscathed,

Casey, being a child of Lady Luck and Mr. Misfortune, has great luck and bad luck, and it doesn't cancel out, for example, maybe he misses the bus a lot of times, or maybe whenever he guesses on questions he's right

Anyways, with Casey being in engineering, he does know code, and being a journalist and photographer would make him a great person to expose corrupt heroes! Knowing how to do interviews, being good at researching, and being able to capture corrupt heroes being corrupt on camera. So now, he works with hackers to expose corrupt and evil heroes in the system, anonymously, see, most heroes don't believe the hackers, called VigilNet, despite the evidence, thinking they're villains that are lying, since they trust their fellow heroes, and to be fair, these heroes are good actors, and the VigilNet group could get hunted by the corrupt heroes, or imprisoned by the other heroes if they knew their identity, so Casey goes anonymously by the name "DataShutter", Casey doesn't tell Ryan about this though, since Ryan is one of the heroes,

Casey is just, the closest self-insert i have, like, he's me, but with more confidence, so you're going to see a lot of traits like mine,

Anyways, Casey has an AO3 account, cause i think its funny that he still updates, but apologizes profusely for being late for like, a few hours (he has a strict schedule for himself), and then giving the most jaw-dropping, shocking, concerning, horrifying, death-defying, story ever, that its even a miracle he was able to even write

As i said, Casey's a go to kidnapping victim for the villains, its kind of a running joke now (don't worry the villains are nice to him, its a wholesome universe after all [i say after i wrote the backstory of caseys parents {hmm, wait a minute, since Casey was adopted by Ryan's grandparents, does that technically make casey Ryan's uncle???} ]), Casey is a good acquaintance with the villains (that are willing to talk to him other than for interviews), and even interviews them while being kidnapped or currently kidnapped,

Casey has very little fear and self preservation, mostly because of his luck, with him almost never getting hurt, he just believes he'll never get hurt, which leads to him getting into dangerous situations without him being scared,

Also, Casey is a bad cook at meals that require a lot from him, like chopping onions after preheating the over while letting the soup boil? How about he just jump into the line of fire in a fight, thank you very much, so pretty much, whenever he cooks something big, it takes longer cause he focuses on one thing at a time. He also has a hard time driving, basically, multitasking is not his thing, like, he can cook pancakes well, cause he only has to focus on one thing at a time, but making him cook multiple pancakes at the same time, on different pans, and he has to focus on all of them at once? Off the table.

Casey also knows sign language, this is because sometimes, he just loses the will to talk, like maybe he just isn't feeling it, or he isn't feeling comfortable talking to a person, or he's really nervous to the point he loses his voice (same, but i don't know sign language). Also, while he does feel emotion, most of the time, he has a blank face, like, he could be really happy, but his face doesn't show it, this made birthdays hell for him at presents time, cause people thought he was ungrateful and faking it (same frfr),

Casey also has a really strong writing love, like, put him in a room with a notebook and pens (he really loves pens btw, loves getting them as gifts, same with notebooks), and he'll be happy just writing away, (same)

Also, a little thing, but casey avoids rolling his eyes cause he cringes, cause back then he thought eye rolling was like, rolling their eyes in a circle, until someone told him about it, and he avoids rolling his eyes now cause he just remembers those times that he thought eye rolling was like that (same here lol), he also didn't know that the chicken crossing the road was a suicide joke (Which i also didn't know, and the true joke kinda shocked me cause i only found out last year). Caseys eyes often wander even during conversation, and when he does remember to look people in the eye, he has like, a thousand yard stare where you feel like he isn't looking at you (i noticed i had like a thousand yard stare at pictures, and honestly, its pretty funny),

Casey also sometimes does little schedules for himself, like "at the morning i wake up at eight, take a bath for 30 minutes, eat for another 30 minutes, do my photography work and journal work at 9 to 3, and don't stop to make writing faster, then write my fanfiction after work then release the chapter on Saturday" (i do the same)

Also, whenever hes stressed or bored he eats an apple, (i like apples, what can i say, and it does calm me down, and they're yummy).

Sometimes people think hes being sarcastic, with his blank face and his tone sometimes being flat, so despite casey being sincere, can come off as rude, sarcastic or insincere.

Caseys really nice, though, kind of dumb (like, he has a hard time with instructions and finding stuff despite it being in front of him,) and gullible since he's really trusting. his trust is kinda weird, like he wont trust one person and trust another person with his life, but yeah, he trust people a lot. (SAME)

#i think i made this a little much about myself #also i looked up some stuff this OC #cause i saw that some of the stuff i wrote about casey (and kinda about myself)#kinda has autism sypmtoms in there (though i only got them from post from other autistic people and not like actual articles or something)#but i wanted to be sure #so i looked up stuff #and with what i found i was like #Hey #that's kinda like me #and i had a lot of autism sypmtoms #so i told my mom about this and she said it was normal #so yeah #so im not gonna say i have autism since I'm not diagnosed by a professional #but i will say #autistic people are very relatable #uh anyways heres caseys tags #Casey Thompson (OC)#Shae's OC #OC #OC art #my ocs #also i heard autistic people are good at math science and english which are my fav subjects that I'm good at #but hten again that might be a stereotype so i might sound rude

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