#anyway sorry for tag ramble AGAIN i just have Thoughts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seventeenficsformalereader · 1 day

Text

Falling ; Hyunjin

M/N moves to a new apartment, but soon notices that weird things start to happen, and even more weird people began to appear in the apartment building

Warnings: Bad language, mentions blood

Genre: Fluff

Probably a part 1, but idk if I will ever write a part 2 😔🫶

===============

November 13, 9:20 AM

M/N sighed as he set his luggage down on the ground and pulled out his phone. He had to check if this was the right address before opening snapchat to check the pin code to the door. M/N typed the code in the tiny silver box and it made a ping sound before the door opened for itself. M/N took his suitcase and stepped into the building. The door closed behind him and based on the sound, it locked.

M/N walked to the reception and looked around to see if there was anyone to give him the key. He had found this apartment through some random person on snapchat. M/N was in need of a new place after his ex kicked M/N out of their "shared apartment". M/N wasn't even upset anymore about it.

Anyway, M/N was now pretty happy with his life. No disgusting and toxic partner, no annoying or bossy parents, no nothing. Just himself and no one to tell him what to do anymore.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a man clearing his throat. The man has glasses with chains hanging from them. He is dressed rather fancily and he has black gloves on and some piercing eyes. M/N was pretty intimidated by his sharp eyes, but tried to not let it bother him. M/N saw a name tag on the mans clothing. 'Christopher Bang'.

"May I help you?" He asked and waved a hand in front of M/N's face to get his attention.

"Huh? Oh, yes. I need my apartments key. I was told that I could get it from you" M/N said politely and smiled softly. The man stared at him for a long time before turning to his computer "Name?" He asked "M/N L/N"

The man seemed to type something on his computer before nodding "Alright. Welcome to my building. Remember to behave well and have the best time living here" He announced as he gave the key to M/N. He thanked and took his suitcase and then left to find his apartment. He didn't have any furniture, but he was also told that it would be furnished already. M/N can just decorate on his own when he gets enough money to actually do so.

M/N found his apartment. "218" M/N said to himself and inserted the key in the keyhole. Suddenly someone grabbed M/N's arm, making him jump and drop the key accidentally "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I was on my way to go downstairs when I saw you. Are you a new neighbor? Or are you trying to rob this place? Where did you get a key? Is this an ambush? Are the aliens finally taking over the planet?? I knew it!" The man kept asking and rambling and M/N had no idea what was happening "I'm sorry, what?" M/N said and picked up the key.

"I'm Yang Jeongin" The man said and reached out his hand to shake M/N's hand. Before M/N even had the chance to shake Jeongin's hand, he had already pulled it away and began to talk at the speed of light again. M/N had no idea what he was saying so M/N just nodded along.

Jeongin began to walk away, probably downstairs as he said while talking to himself and M/N sighed in relief and opened his apartments door. He stepped in and closed the door behind him to prevent weird people like Jeongin getting in his apartment. M/N looked around and saw a tiny room that appeared to be a living room and a kitchen in the same room. M/N looked into another room and saw a small bedroom with a bed, bedside table and a closet. M/N found the bathroom and thought it looked pretty nice. M/N set his bag and suitcase down and sat on the couch. "Not bad." He thought.

M/N felt kinda hungry, but since he didn't have any food yet, he decided to set all his things down and try to find a store nearby where he could possibly get food from. He was hungry for some ramen and beef. M/N stood up and opened his suitcase. He left it open on his bed and quickly emptied his backpack that he was carrying around on his back all this time. He was planning on taking it with him so he doesn't have to carry the food he brings in his hands.

M/N took his key and left his apartment, making sure the door is locked firmly before leaving. As he walked to the elevator that he was now allowed to use due to actually living there, someone else walked in too. A man who was pretty short compared to M/N, but he looked buff. Probably goes to the gym. His height is somewhat ridiculous compared to M/N's. No doubt he could beat the shit out of M/N. "Why am I so interested in this strangers life? I have my own now. Focus, M/N" He thought to himself. The man looked at M/N.

"You're not from here, are you?" He asked and M/N got a bit straddled at the man speaking. Um, No. I'm from (choose a random place)" M/N answered quietly, hoping that this man wouldn't be as weird as the other one he met in the hallway. Jeongin, was it? Doesn't matter. "I'm Changbin" He said and shook M/N's hand in a friendly way. M/N was shocked that there was actually a normal human being in this place.

Of course this conversation didn't last long due to the elevator stopping at the second floor. "Why did it stop here? Is someone else coming here?" M/N thought. The elevator door opened and a silence fell over the whole elevator as a man stepped in. He was dressed like he would attend a traditional wedding soon. One problem, this man smelled like a corpse, and M/N had to hold his breath so he wouldn't gag, or even worse, puke from the smell. "Fucking hell" M/N thought but soon the elevator stopped at the first floor and M/N ran out the elevator as fast as possible.

November 13, 4:55 PM

M/N had finished eating his ramen and he had bought dessert from the store. He was now eating ice cream and watching TV from the small TV in the living room. M/N was caught up in a TV show so much that he didn't notice the time passing so quickly. It would soon be 5 PM and M/N hasn't even started unpacking his suitcase at all. M/N decided to turn off the TV and get to work. He stood up and went to his bedroom where he found his suitcase still open and all his clothes and some other stuff were still in place.

It took Johan an hour to unpack everything and it would take another hour for him to put the bed sheets on, organize his clothes in the closet and more stuff he has to do. M/N sighed and began to work.

~TIME SKIP~

M/N had fallen asleep at some point. He wasn't sure how or when but he found himself laying on the bed with a video playing on his phone next to him. It was some long stream where someone plays Minecraft. M/N wasn't sure who the streamer was, but he couldn't care any less than he already did. M/N yawned and looked at the time. 3:33 AM. M/N groaned in frustration, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get any sleep anymore.

He stood up and went to the kitchen and turned on the lights on the way there, not wanting to be in the darkness at this hour. M/N went to the window and was about to shut the blinds, when suddenly something caught his attention. A red haired man was seen from his window, and he was standing behind M/N. He got scared and quickly turned around, but saw nobody. M/N took a deep breath and quickly turned back around, not seeing the man in the window anymore either. M/N sighed, thinking it was his imagination.

He shut the blinds and went to the kitchen to get some water for himself, when he suddenly heard a loud noise coming from the hallway. He flinched and turned his head towards the door. He was now breathing heavier and he was more scared than ever.

M/N slowly approached the door and began to unlock it. M/N opened the door slowly, only to be met by something completely different than the place he remembered. The walls were twisted and painted with different colors, the floor was unstable and curvy and the doors were on the roof and on the walls upside down and even on the floor. M/N got scared, but decided to step out of his apartment.

November 15 8:35 AM

I haven't been sleeping nor eating. I don't what has happened. All I've been doing is stare at my hands that were covered in a red substance. I was crying, my hands shaking, my clothes dirty and stained with the red blood. My legs had given up on me, I couldn't stand even if I wanted to. I was breathing heavily and I could swear that I hear my breathing getting louder every second I take a deep breath. I looked away from my hands and at the floor. I wasn't in my apartment for sure. II looked around and saw a clock on the wall. There were no numbers on it, just a blank white clock that ticked louder and louder. I hear footsteps from behind me.

It was that same man from before. Changbin? Maybe. He stopped and stared at me. "Welcome. You are one of us now." He whispered before continuing to walk into the dark abyss. I wasn't sure what was at the other end of the long and dark hallway in font of me, but I didn't want to know. Some things are just better to remain unknown. I got up. With some power left in my body I began to walk to the other direction until I fell. I caught myself with my hands right before I hit the ground and then stood up, feeling a bit embarrassed, because the receptionist saw it. "Are you okay?" He asked, and I nodded.

The blood on my hands and clothes had vanished, but I wasn't wearing my clothes anymore. I was wearing fully white. It was a suit. I looked around and saw the same old lobby of my apartment building that I saw before when I came here in the first place.

I was thinking that I am going crazy. Until I saw the same red haired man. He was sitting still, eating an apple and just staring at me with empty eyes. I stared back, not knowing what else to do. He smiled and set his arms down and stood up, the apple falling from his hands and rolling down the stairs and stopping right in front of me.

The man began to walk down the stairs too and when I tried to back away, My back hit a wall that definitely wasn't this close to me before. I took a deep breath and got ready for anything that the man might do. But he didn't do anything bad, he just took the apple, blew on it and then ate more. He looked at me and smiled. "Are you the new one?" He asked with a hot and deep, sexy voice. I couldn't help but to nod only, my ability to speak long gone.

The man smiled and introduced himself. "My name is Hwang Hyunjin. Pleasure to meet you, M/N" He said and I was shocked. "How do you know my name?" I asked, a bit scared about the situation. "I know every little thing about you." He whispered and smiled mischievously. I felt something slip into my pocket and I reached my hand to get it. I took out a note and opened it. It said "Come to the roof tonight" And at the end of it was a winky face. I sighed and looked up, only to see the man being gone.

I was so confused. Where is the blood from earlier? Where are my keys? Where's my apartment? What is this place? Is this a dream or a reality? I didn't have answers to any of these questions and I felt frustrated by it. I looked at Christopher. The man from the reception. I walked to him "What is happening?" I yelled at him and took him by the collar. I felt an aggressive need to yell at something and he just looked like one to yell at. However, he just smiled and stood up, pushing my hands softly away "You're one of us now. You can't really explain it. You can't even begin to understand it yet." He said and smiled "Why can't I get out?" I asked and began to calm down

"You're not allowed to. He'll get mad if you try." Christopher explained and I was dumbfounded "He? Who's he?" I asked but Christopher shut down the reception and I got annoyed "What the hell".

November 15, 1.00 AM

I looked at the note that the red haired man had left me before. I looked at yhe staircase after. The staircase that would take me to the rooftop. I sigh and begin to walk up the stairs. I got to the door and sighed. I opened the door and saw the same red haired man standing at the edge. He seemed to be in his own thoughts. I decided to just look at him and not make a sound. Maybe I could get away from this. I thought that maybe I should just go until I heard him talk.

"Rude for you to not talk to me when you see me" He said and turned around. He walked to me and I looked up at him "What do you want me to do? This whole place is full of lunatics." I said annoyed and Hyunjin smiled "You've become one" He said and took my hand. "Let me show you something" Hyunjin added and began to walk at the edge of the building. I followed him and when we made it to the edge, I felt him pull me up on the railing. I got frightened and immediately tried to get down "This is dangerous!" I said and grasped his arm tightly, scared that if I let go i'll fall down. Hyunjin just chuckled and took a step forward. He didn't fall. He stayed floating. I look at Hyunjin and my eyes widen "H-How are you- w-what..." I look at Hyunjin and let out a scream as he pulled me with him. But I didn't fall either. I was floating. It felt so weird to stand without standing on anything literally.

"P-Put me down. This is so freaky" I said and tried to pull myself away from Hyunjin but he kept holding me close "You're special... You know that, right?" Hyunjin said and I looked up at him "What do you mean?" I asjed and looked up at him. That's when I saw him smiling. His smile is pretty but also kind of scary since he himself is pretty scary. I took a deep breath and looked ahead at the beautiful scenery of the city full of lights. People walking down at the ground in groups and some alone. It looked beautiful. I took in the scenery and then looked back at Hyunjin who still hasn't responded. Why am I special?

===============

27 notes · View notes

spoondoodles · 17 days

Text

Do you see my vision yet?

#spoondoodles #sanders sides #sanders sides fanart #ts sides #tss #logan sanders #roman sanders #logince #going insane!!! over them!!!!!!#the logince agenda has not ceased yet #tho admittedly this is still pretty platonic they're not aware of the pining yet (virgil is tho god help him)#cleaned up some more sketches of Them for funsies and here we are #this is a completely unserious HS AU like i don't have a plot or anything it's just vibes #and the vibes are them being cute and besties and also insulting each other (affectionate)#patton is just glad his friend logan has another person he's close to #virgil is Suffering from the mutual pre-pining and just wants them to get their act together (preferably away from him)#remus is the only one having a good time b/c he thrives in chaos and enjoys getting to tease his chemistry partner and his twin brother #no janus :( sorry couldn't fit him in yet #i have become fond of mociet recently tho so we'll see maybe he's roman's friend who does NOT want to get involved in these shenanigans #anyway sorry for tag ramble AGAIN i just have Thoughts

19 notes · View notes

only-lonely-www · 1 month

Text

So basically ATLA brain rot has hit me like a truck

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #toph beifong #what happened was I was forced to watch the live action #which is actually pretty good if you get past the first few episodes #and if you don’t have someone in your ear telling you it’s awful the whole time #first episode is definitely the weakest and that’s 50% gran gran’s fault #aang and katara are also pretty flat but whatever #sokka’s good and zuko’s fantastic actually #they did goof on a few things but overall I think it’s a fun time #just don’t expect it to be as good as the cartoon and you’ll be okay #ANYWAY it got me missing toph #so i rewatched the blind bandit episode #and then wound up watching the entirety of books 2 & 3 in a few days #and now I’m brain rotted #which is especially weird considering when I first watched it I was like #yeah that was good! and then never thought about it again #i dunno what changed but i need help it’s taking over my life #wanted to draw Sokka too but he looks hard to draw #and i had enough trouble with these two #maybe someday #sorry for rambling in the tags goodbye

150 notes · View notes

transmascutena · 2 months

Text

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

38 notes · View notes

hurricanek8art · 8 days

Text

Okay SO I've never Bad Batch posted beyond reblogs but there's two episodes left and I'm going insane so my big giant theory for why the finale is titled The Cavalry Has Arrived with a sprinkle of Tech is Alive Yes I Am Delusional:

Tonight's episode is going to end with the Batch, Omega's gang, and CX-2 all colliding in one of the hallways.

Big Western faceoff, tumbleweed, yadda yadda y'know.

Right before the shooting starts, CX-2 tells them their escape plan through whatever hallway they're planning is strategically ill-advised, because *insert tactical explanation here*

Hunter: "Oh yeah? What, you trying to help us or something? No thanks."

CX-2: "It was worth the attempt. It's not as if we've ever followed orders anyway."

BIG PAUSE, CLOSE UP MONTAGE OF EVERYONE AS THE WORDS SINK IN

Omega: "...Tech?!"

Tech: *removes helmet to reveal it's him* "Well, I thought it was obvious. Shall we liberate some clones together, then?"

SMASH CUT, ROLL CREDITS, THE CALVARY HAS ARRIVED BECAUSE THE *ENTIRE* BATCH IS TOGETHER AGAIN AND THEY'RE GONNA SAVE THE CLONES.

end conspiracy theory rant. 🥴

#EDIT: SORRY LEFT OUT A BIT OF TECH DIALOGUE I PUT IT BACK JUST IGNORE THIS 😭#no matter what happens the callback to “i thought it was obvious” re: tech and the omega/chip discoveries is required. okay. it just is.#that's his line i need to hear it again okay #also please excuse hunter's dialogue being kinda generic #if it's someone with an accent saying more than a word or two I have to put thought into writing dialogue & this was completely off the cuf #i don't have as much a problem with it as tech because i am also autistic i speak his language 🤣#ANYWAYS i am delusional but i have also been able to predict story beats with fair accuracy for like 10 years so #speaking it into existence. manifesting? i'm still new at tumblr speak sorry 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭#K8 Rambles about Star Wars #star wars #the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #sw the bad batch #sw tbb #tbb #the bad bad spoilers #sw the bad batch spoilers #star wars the bad batch spoilers #sw tbb spoilers #tbb spoilers #tbb tech #tbb cx-2 #tbb cx 2 #tbb hunter #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #i tagged the whole batch because even if they're not referred to by name they're in the post in spirit

52 notes · View notes

mblue-art · 1 year

Note

It's me again, anon, who adores your love-hate towards Cross. Friend recently showed me a video in tiktok where there was a sound of 'oh I hate that man...but oh, cara mia...how i love him'. It immediately reminded me of you. Tsunderes keep winning. Let's go tsunderes ✊️

hhhh h hhhi anon i do, i do ha-

#ask #mblue talks #mblue art #self insert #.. dammit #HSHFBXNZN #('oh i love tsunderes' — *becomes one* — *surprised pikachu meme*)#(each day i get a cross simp thought i ask myself WHY am i a tsundere for this man istg smfh 😤😤😤‼️/lh)#(everytime i get a cross brainrot it hits hard and it burns (just like the blush on my cheeks HSHFHCBDN/J) for how goddamn long it lasts)#(once again i wanna be mean to him and lovingly bully him but also he deserves the niceys!!!)#(tired man tired boy needs to RELAX‼️ like sheesh ur shoulders look stiff dude im patting those tf down; ease up my man)#(gonna do that thing where i plat my palm onto his forehead bc of how much hes furrowing his brows!!)#(thatll probably surprise him and unfurrow those for a few secs LOL)#(give him a lazy day; let him roll around in bed with the fluffiest pillows and the softest blankets and watch anime and drink choccy malk)#(ok that just sounds like i wanna pamper him HSHHRFNKDSK BUT STILL i want him to be happy HAVE YOU SEEN HIM SMILE GENUINELY????)#(like in fanart nstuff LIKE WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT /POS)#(hes got that anime boy charm somehow istg)#anyway ramble over im sorry hello tag readers did you enjoy me simping 😎 (imagine my hands folded on the table)#m rambles #CM

142 notes · View notes

st4rstudent · 3 months

Text

I think every social media website should have an effective tagging system, just my thoughts

#clemramble #i want to post some more of my art on twt but i also want to tag it effectively but idk how the tagging system works on there #since hashtags seem to do very little on there #if theres one thing tumblr has done right its the tagging system . this is awesome i love putting things in tags like its me whispering #directly into your ear extra info that you really didnt need to know #and also the ability to mute hashtags is awesome. even if it doesnt completely hide it #twt is so weird in its hidden words. i have so much stuff blocked on there but the moment it gets popular the system just #doesnt work and im stuck seeing it all again. very annoying.#anyways yeah this is also a call if any one knows how the muting system on twt works and how i should best tag my stuff.please share #your wisdom. if you dont mind. i asked on twt but my regular posts kind of flop if its not art. not that i mind but the point remains #..i had thought about making another account just dedicated to like ship stuff on twt bc i have enough stuff to do that but #would it be unnecessary? idk . ignore this part sorry im rambling outloud to myself virtually through tags #i might just end up not posting it there. its like a little tumblr exclusive #im not even scared anymore ive bossed up. twt just makes me feel awkward now. its like when you enter a giant classroom and theres no empty #seats so youre forced to go up and down the isles trying to find a spot that open

15 notes · View notes

lockandkeyhyena · 8 months

Note

you've said a few times Titan is pretty homophobic, and I'm curious how she feels about Ruth.

did her opinion change any over the years since Goliath died?

what would she do if Ruth ever said she loved her?

how's she feel abt trans people

some of her bigotry is directed inwards and manifests more as self-hatred. she herself isn’t heterosexual and has a lot of complicated feelings about that, especially after goliath’s affair. i make jokes, but ruth is very openly a proud lesbian and doesn’t tolerate off-handed comments from titan (she’s probably one of the reasons hercules doesn’t hate himself more).

her queerphobia expresses itself outwardly as ignorant rather than hateful, and its something she doesn’t really consider until ruth points out her shitty behaviour. ruth is very lenient on a lot of things she probably shouldn’t be and cuts titan more slack than she deserves but she doesn’t stand for titan’s homophobia, especially around kids.

alot of her attitudes towards gay and trans people fluctuate and change alot along with the story so it would really depend on where in the timeline you put her.

tldr; its complicated.

#uhh ill tag jic #homophobia #yeen rambles #ask #sadboycats #titan beetle #i know its cliched to depict lgbt characters as being homophobic but its just an infinitely more interesting story to me than #faceless bigots #and i feel like we need more stories exploring that aspect from actually queer authors rather than straight people uncomfortable with the #thought that other straight people are homophobic #anyway. my point is i want to tell stories about genuinely awful people trying and failing and trying again to better themselves #and its been helping me work through my own shit lol #ALWAYS happy to talk about my ocs tho!! sorry this is heavier #many of the cats arent good people #if you have follow up questions please ask them! i know i didnt answer them all

14 notes · View notes

rosesradio · 2 years

Text

we really were seconds away. us ej stans got this close to getting to see a breakdown. and it has been snatched away from us once again. ships aside, ej nation how are we feeling

#With the eyeliner and messy hair When I Tell You #let the boy cry !!#that aside ofc i have like long rambly thoughts on the ep in my head but i'm just. i'm tired man #ofc i'm sad to see portwell break up. and yes i think their writing has been very weird. but gina did have some good points #ej was out there looking like a bond villain in the night though asdhkj when ricky and gina were talking outside #i have thoughts but they deserve their own post and not to be buried in tags #i'm happy to see seb again. sad that he was indirectly called stupid again. i bet he won't even be there for his bfs show #i'm sorry the jo siwa bit was weird. it just #kourtney's song was so good !!#their looks were all weird but i was digging it #why did jet and maddox sing a lover's duet #ricky's little 'yes sir' to ej i mean. come on man #i've been through the wringer i am.#not my sister still thinking there's a chance for jetwen lmao. believe me i wish #anyways #hsmtmts

68 notes · View notes

barkingangelbaby · 1 month

Text

dude...

#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this...#it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it.....#it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time #i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again #honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually #breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ??#i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine #hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!!#is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral #but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits #anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore #actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body #ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold #skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol #OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry.#rAMbles

2 notes · View notes

indecisive-dizzy · 4 months

Note

Ramble about Eddie to your heart’s content, bestie :D

I’m honestly very interested in your ideas :3

Again, don’t be scared to just ramble in my ask box, I love hearing peoples ideas

AJDKKAGAJAKAK- THANK YOU <3 <3

I'm wailing rn /pos

My AU! Disabled Eddie!! Ok so he wasn't born with his disability, it came about later.

My Current story is that he had stroke in late middle/early high school! I have done research and Yes it is possible for teens and younger to have strokes. From what I recall it can be significantly worse for them compared to adult strokes

Eddie was left with permanent complications and is disabled bc of it. He has coordination, balance, and general mobility complications among a list of other post stroke effects. I just found the word I was looking for a few days ago to describe his mobility issues, it's Ataxia!

Eddie has to deal with bouts of muscle weakness on his right side which can effect his vision. He also gets vertigo a Lot and at this point dizziness is expected every time he stands.

He uses forearm crutches when he needs extra help walking bc he does have good days where he may not need them! But for longer distances he brings them bc he's better safe than sorry. He also has cane but he doesn't use it As much.

He also has a wheelchair that he Hates. He hates having to use it. But his Really horrible days leave him unable to stand, much less walk. He wishes he could just hide it somewhere and never think about it but alas. it's important.

He dislikes the wheelchair so much bc it makes him feel useless. He is Not! I want to clarify that wheelchair users are perfectly Capable and Independent! Eddie just has an issue with overachieving and working himself too hard. He wants to be helpful and do So Much but there are some things he can't do while in his wheelchair. He was stuck in a chair for months after his stroke and it was devastating back then. He has No good memories with a wheelchair so he continues to dislike using it.

Ok putting a read more bc I am not shutting up for a While

Relationships with the neighbors! Generally the same. Barnaby doesn't chase him bc that would be mean (? I can't think of a better way to describe it)

Sally is still Sally but she's specific on her mailman hate (lmao) to make sure Eddie and everyone else knows she's not faulting him for his disability.

Hmm yeah everything else is pretty much the same. I guess everyone is also more open about offering Eddie help from time to time if he looks like he needs an extra hand. They're not persistent or anything, but if they see him struggling to carry a package or two they're more inclined to help.

I still don't know how Howdy gets his shit. Honestly If Eddie is having a crutch or chair day,, Howdy just won't get his stock unless he gets it himself. I can't think of a way for Eddie to deliver all those heavy ass boxes.

He does ask people to pick up their packages occasionally too. He tries to deliver them all himself but it's not always possible. He offers a trolley they can use.

I want to talk about angst. So this is very specific, I'll try to keep it short. growing up, Eddie lived in a four bedroom house. two downstairs master bedrooms and two upstairs normal bedrooms. Before his stroke he was upstairs, his older brother in the other room, and his older sister in the bedroom downstairs.

Afterwards he had to move downstairs. His sister Hated this. She loved her room and her private bathroom and she was very prissy about it.

This snowballed into her just,, taking all her frustrations out on Eddie. He took Her Bedroom. He's getting all the attention. Her little brother was ruining everything.

Eddie was devastated by this. He went as far as to attempt to convince his parents to let them switch rooms again. He couldn't physically walk up the stairs most days but he just wanted his big sister to not hate him anymore.

Their relationship never fully recovered. As an adult Eddie will still find ways to blame himself and feel guilty. But he just can't bring himself to talk to her.

They used to be so close. She let Eddie experiment with her makeup, they talked about fashion and boys and she helped him so so much when he was questioning his sexuality.

and then it just, fell apart. But not quietly like a loose thread but rather a house that wasn't built quite right and the screws came loose one by one.

Eddie's memory gets really fuzzy when thinking that far back. but some of those memories are burned into his mind and he wishes he could forget them like he does everything else.

#ouch i hurt my own heart #eddie my love im srry but to be loved by me means suffering with my angst #side bit: the stroke also impacted his memory issues #they were already there but they kinda got worse #anyway thank u again for letting me ramble sniff #i have to remember to invade ur inbox bestie #but im literally so annoying and i keep putting it off #keep sending me ur ideas to!! i also enjoy indulging in others thoughts!#but yeah eddie i fucked you up and I'm (not) sorry <3 <3 #i always hc eddie as being very close yo his siblings. so ruining that? hoo boy it hurts haha #dizztalkstoomuch #neon child #welcome home #eddie dear #eddie dear au #???? ig ill put that for now #i need to make my own tag for this au i just cant think of anything clever rn lol #anyway this is incredibly long and i need food #and sleep! sooo Good night! :) ✨✨✨#also i apologize for any typos. im eepy <3

3 notes · View notes

feelingbitch · 7 months

Text

ough e

#being reminded that my body looks kind of fucked up bc a pro ana blog followed me and all the thinspo of anorexic girls looked like me #im aware that im so underweight that i look genuinely physically sick . and idk seeing that just really brought those thoughts up again #its just always incredibly jarring to see myself or people who look like me #and see all those protruding bones idk it just makes me feel all kinds of fucked up #sorry rambling about body image #im fine 99% of the time dw im good and i do love my body #but every now and then i have this odd realization that im rly not at a healthy weight and it always makes me feel so sick #idk #tw ed #tw body image #tw ana #not sure how else to tag this #just felt the need to let this out #anyway blocked and reported the blog its all good and ill be over it soon enough #hope the person recovers at some point #sorry for the rambling idk it just felt weird and i feel weird and idk.#just gave me this stupid ick of feeling like theres something wrong with my body

3 notes · View notes

machidielontheway · 10 months

Text

my biggest "what would fix you right now" is sleep schedule. i love sleeping, i love being in my bed, love the feeling of blorbo rotating while comfy in my pillow. i don't mind doing the nightly routine : pee time, brushing teeth [altho this is a recent change !], filling water bottle.

what i don't like and don't manage to do is the Break : stopping the enjoyment - or the avid, compulsory search for enjoyment - and actually closing my laptop. Closing the laptop is cutting up the connection and the safety, comfort of it. connection is : i am not alone. there is people there and i can hear them, listen to them, my room is filled with the sound of people living. i am not lonely. safety is : i am finding joy and am entertained - i am not wasting my life. i do not think of things i yearn to do but lack the energy and courage for. i am fulfilled.

Closing the door and getting out of my own laid spell and having to face reality again is very hard. I do not like it and i avoid it for as long as i can sometimes, even if i am tired and would love to be sleeping. (the reality is : sometimes i am lonely and unfulfilled ; the reality is i haven't been sleeping enough for years to have the emotional energy enough to be able to make concrete steps to change this)

i could say a lot more because this subject branches out back to itself but let's just keep what was the original goal.

i wanted to speak about it to the therapist i saw for the first time a week ago, because as of now sleep is Obstacle n°1 to be resolved in my life. but i didn't really connect with her, and it was a first session so a bit hard to go directly into one specific subject. However i spoke about it to a friend the next day, and she told me how she does it and we did a little brainstorming / our discussion was such to me.

one thing i discovered about myself in the last year is that i have very little perseverance, and if there is - or if i see something as such - an obstacle i will mostly not do the thing blocked by the obstacle. The ideal solution for this is : if you can't make yourself go past the obstacle, either 1) remove the obstacle or 2) change your course. When i was in my last flat the bathroom was some way away from my room and it was old and i didn't like it. I had a hard time brushing my teeth at night and mostly never did it. a temporary solution became "i go to pee super often, let's just brush my teeth each time with water for a few seconds" and that worked quite a bit. the obstacle was going to a place i didn't like with little reward ; the solution was do the thing when you're already in there, when you didn't have a problem to go because you actually wanted to". The problem literally disappeared when i moved flats and 1) had the bathroom directly against my room again and 2) i like the bathroom and don't feel uncomfortable spending time in it. It's a great things to know this kind of things about you, because it's easier to see how to go about solving a problem.

So with my friend as we spoke about it and it finally took a shape, i thought : clearly knowing and agreeing with all those things about "capitalism doesn't give you time so you spite it with a fucked up sleep schedule to get time for you" is not helping you : it's true but you can't change that rn. But the shape of "i don't like when i close the laptop and suddenly i'm back in real life with all my doubts and feelings", that i can manage. i can make the Break less of a break. With my friend i planned two things : 1) my laptop does not go in to the bedroom, and 2) i will put on sound on my phone until i shut off the lights (i dislike going on internet on my phone so no loophole here).

It did work in parts, which is actually great. I DID feel frustrated about not having the laptop, like a real feeling of "something missing / something not in its place", but it was not big enough that i couldn't go through it, which means that i can acclimate myself to it in time ; and it was enough that i didn't feel the break too keenly. Once i was done with my nightly ablutions, i kept listening to the video (music is Not Enough so i listen to Defunctland Fastpass vid) and felt myself falling asleep after ten minutes, which is also good : it's not enough to keep me awake through my tiredness the way i can power through for hours with the laptop (yes i have f.lux), and it's easier to stop and put down because my phone doesn't represent a Door to me the way my laptop does.

Now the thing to work on is that i need to actually do this where i do get in my room at an interesting hour and not just at two am, or it makes me as sleepy but less comfortable. So while a part of a solution is present the big boss is still there : the drive and motivation to do the first step which is "now we will begin". i once thought 'when i will have my new fancy phone where i can put on more than one alarm clock, i'll put some in the evening to create Doors for me to come back to reality and make a choice - i can stay where i am, or i can decide to go to bed". This increase the chance that i manage to go to bed earlier, instead of being kept in the waters of the spell until i see the clock hitting the magic hour where somehow i will accept going to sleep (which in these days is 1:30 AM). However i did NOT put on those alarms even though i've had my new fancy phone since january. which is another mystery to think about : what makes me 'not want' to put them on ? what do i fear ? i was excited about it once, what has changed ? is there another way i can make 'coming back to it' doors that would not be from alarm clock ?

I do like having my struggles put in this form because 1) i like feeling like i'm taking concrete steps toward something, because for so so so long i've been Waiting. besides the "fight or flight" reaction there is the freeze and i'm very good at it. and action is what makes you brain calm down from Fight or Flight. 2) i love analysis (recent discovery through work) ! it's like a treasure map with little adventures you have to follow until you find the treasure. But this also means knowing / searching for how things works, so you can understand why they're not working and find a satisfactory solution or a workaround.

anyway. yeah.

#3615 my life #bold of me to put this on your dash but i don't like readmores for ramblings i'm sorry #did i write this instead of going to sleep ? yes.#but i actually write so rarely about my life even though i sometimes began to write those posts in my head #i think it could be helpful #not as big as saying it out loud (i know a lot of people feel better after writing things #(btw did u see we can use commas in tags now)#but yes writing. acknowledging and being able to come back to it better than it being just in my head #and it's also somehow a time of creation and not consomption so.#i also thought if maybe this could help somebody this would be cool. i've gotten so much useful help thanks to people and posts here #like that miraculous post about sometimes it's not executive dysfunction it's just yourself protecting you very hard but hurting you instea #(the You Have Internal Resistance article)#anyway this is very rambling. and while searching for the name of the article in my Adulting tag i saw another post that said the same thin #i did here but better and clearer #by which i mean i don't know if what i wrote could be as helpful for somebody but we never now #and in any case i wrote it for me.#and also to not go to sleep.#it's defunctland time again good night people

2 notes · View notes