#anyway idk what else to say this just really hurts and i thought to myself why not let y’all know about it :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lighthouseas · 7 months

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so uh

#don't. really feel too great abt stranger things right now for obvious reasons #it's....idk my feelings are complicated because i do know characters ≠ actors but also the shit that brett has been saying is absolutely #-batshit and then the stuff noah liked today....idk. seeing actors i once used to admire do this really fucking hurt. and made me angry.#-and sad.#it's not that i don't still like st it's just...complicated right now #and looking at the stuff they said makes me physically ill so #and anyway. sorry i know i never post about stuff like this on main but i just thought i should put it out there bc im . upset #and i also really don't want to cause myself to spiral anymore so #zionism #zionist #idk what tags my mutuals have filtered so if i need to tag anything else please let me know - i just don't want to clog the i/p tags w this #bee.txt

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moonlightdancer26 · 11 months

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Me when I remember the friends I’ve lost:

Me when I remember that one follower who used to always like my posts despite not sharing a lot of my opinions who randomly unfollowed me a year ago:

#i still think about it sometimes #the one who got away fr #like come back i miss you #especially when they’re marauder fans like 😭❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹#i just remembered someone bc one of my followers liked one of my posts/reblogs from 2021 😭#there’s another one who doesn’t even post hp content anymore </33 #this is pretty specific but it’s happened like two or three times #seriously guys this pain is like no other #anyway idk what else to say this just really hurts and i thought to myself why not let y’all know about it :)#shitpost #personal #random

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many #obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts #but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so #hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things #bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day #and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of #life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic #bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts #it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like #keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again #its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid #of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating #i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my #brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked #up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at #them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do #this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand #but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe #no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine #at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave #unrelated

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that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you · 2 months

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I don't understand, what's going on with Taylor and Matt trash being a couple? Could you explain to me?

nothing is really going on at the moment tbh, cuz they broke up a pretty long while ago, but the issue is the album (if that's what you're referring to) and taylor swift herself.

[will add sources and more stuff when I find the links and if I realise I missed something out, cuz this is a general thing based off of memory]

Context: dating history

Basically she and matty had been friends for a few years (there are rumors of them hooking up ig in 1989 era maybe, but I don't really care enough to believe shit like that). Apparently he had also been pining for her (according to stuff he said in interviews and tweets) for years, but again, you can still chalk it up to rumors if you wanna.

The thing is that post her breakup with joe alwyn, she started dating him (in like april I think) [there had been dating rumors of them since 2014 tho, and again in March 2023] and the fandom kinda got divided.

Here is the link to their entire timeline

Context: what matty healy did

Matty healy (you prolly know this) is basically racist, sexist, antisemitic, homophobic and God knows what else I have missed out or not been aware of. He did shit like doing the nazi gesture on stage, mocking asian accents, tastelessly making fun of ice spice on her race and bodyshaming her, laughing and basically confirming that he watches violent rape porn of black women on a site that is known to be highly problematic and force their actors (gender neutral) to do things they dont consent to (there was also an actress who was assaulted or something but im not informed on it). Even when he was called out on stuff like this, he accused people (who were poc, btw) of overreacting.

Context: taylor and activism

Taylor had also, in the past (lover era, and miss Americana the doc) had talked about how she had been too quiet about political issues and politics itself for too long, that she understands her influence and power in society, and that she "needs to be on the right side of history" and even specifics such as that she thinks it's spineless to go on stage and say "happy pride month" and not acknowledge the political oppression that queers in USA were facing (something about a bill or the republican party idk man I'm not american, i dont remember but i did research when i watched the doc tho). She has claimed she was gonna be clear about where she stands (many republicans had considered her to be one, and many thought she's conservative or something, but she was always quiet about it, until the lover era). However, she just stopped that activism after the lover era, and went back to being quiet on where she stands (I've seen many swifties refer to the lover era as the activism era) and hasn't spoken about anything substantial really. She did some things like post a black square with 13 hearts during blm, and stuff that every celeb who wasn't openly a pos did, but that's kinda it. Even as a self proclaimed feminist, she didn't speak up on issues such as roe v wade, or about an issue regarding drag queens despite having them in yntcd, or talking about trans/queer rights until she was in a blue state (im not an American, I just like to keep up a little with stuff in usa cuz it's always up in my face sadly, and thus i cant be specific, but anyways, correct me if I'm wrong, or if I missed something).

So even after saying she'll be vocal, she was just... not. And that's basically her on politics or giving a shit about minority communities.

Context: Fandom's reaction

Swifties were extremely disappointed that taylor CHOSE to associate with a man like this, and there were fans calling her out, and she received backlash, too.

Most of these swifties were poc (myself included) and they felt hurt that an artist that they not just supported and developed such a deep connection with, but also financially supported for years, would have such disregard for them. Not just was she dating him, but she kept saying things such as "I have never been happier in all aspects of my life" or saying "I love you" or "uk who you are" in romantic songs on the tour, which was just adding insult to injury. She also did a collab with ice spice (which was completely out of nowhere, and the collab itself seemed badly made and rushed), which fans and others speculated to be a pr cover up for the fact that matty healy had mocked her (many ppl also believed that it was too quick for it to be a pr cover tho).

Now, in the fandom, when poc swifties were calling her out on dating mh, (mostly) white swifties started harassing poc swifties for doing so, or saying that they are hindering with her happiness or some bs about it being "just a fling" (again, myself included). They said it's the same as seeing a friend get out of a long-term relationship and make bad dating choices, and poc swifties should let it go (as if taylor is our close personal friend). In a mostly white fandom, poc swifties felt alienated and sidelined.

Ofc, taylor never addressed any of this backlash, and after she broke up with him, there were articles saying that sources say (which mostly means her pr team atp) that her breakup had nothing to do with his controversies or behavior.

The album release (lyrics, references and reaction)

Now, with the release of ttpd, contrary to what most of the fandom believed, most of the songs on both the albums are believed to be (and heavily hinted on) about matty healy. These include 4 songs- "ttpd", "but daddy I love him", "I can fix him (no really I can)", and "guilty as sin?"

Ttpd, the title track, talks about mh being "a tattooed golden retriever" (wtf) and about him love-bombing her, and her pining after him, thinking about marriage and shit. But daddy I love him and I can fix him, are basically that no one supported her dating decision and she's claiming that she loves him oh so goddamn much, but more importantly, her talking about her fans' reactions. Specifically, describing her poc fans to be "vipers" and "judgemental creeps" who hate her and them being hurt as "bitching and moaning", and basically took the side of the (white) fans who defended her, indirectly. She described his racist bs as "crazy" and said shit like she could "handle a dangerous man." She also has another song, "Guilty as sin?" and while I genuinely don't give a fuck about what she chooses to do in her private life, unless it is problematic, it is about her fantasizing about being with that racist man while being in a long term relationship with joe alwyn. She sings about how she wants him and wants to be with him... in multiple ways, iykyk. Again, out of context, I love this song so much, but that doesn't erase the context, right?

She also has a song "I hate it here" where she says the following lines:

"My friends used to play a game where

We would pick a decade

We wished we could live in instead of this

I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid"

And while there are many reasons why this line by itself is racist (romantisization of a time that was extremely shitty to many communities, most of which she is not a part of, showing herself to be "oh look I'm so woke I still remember the bad things even when I romanticize bad eras in history" which is something you expect from an ignorant white high schooler maybe, not a 34 y/o billionaire who claims to be well-read, etc.) but taylor swift herself saying these is adding insult to injury cuz she has shown time and time again she has no problem with racism (she kept quiet when antonia gentry, a black actress, received hate and racist threats by swifties because of a line BY NETFLIX that taylor didn't like, and she shouldn't ofc, but it wasn't the actress' fault), or associating herself with them (matty healy, for example). It is hypocritical to write something like that after writing an album about pining after a man and his "dangerousness," which is just bigotry. Way to romanticise racism, sexism, and antisemitism, taylor.

Even now, after listening to the album, she clearly doesn't like mh anymore, NOT because of his actions, but because he broke her heart, showing that she still enables and is okay with everything he did.

And that's kind of it (ig) about her and matty healy. I'm not really sure exactly which part you wanted to know, so this is just a gist of it all. Hope it helps :)

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sandyca5tle · 2 months

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Slime HRT - Introduction and initial appointment

So, I've been inspired by @/ayviedoesthings (idk etiquette around tagging people you don't know, so gonna avoid the notif for now) 's dragon hrt, alongside all the other ones (bat hrt, dog hrt, and fish hrt) to try my own.

Unfortunately, I'm not much of an artist, so I can't really do a comic like they all have, so I decided to do a written diary instead. This is the first time I've done writing like this, let along putting it out publicly, so constructive critisim is appreciated, but don't be a dick. That being said, on with the show. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, this is the first entry of this diary kind of thing; I've decided to keep this, both since I’ve seen other people doing the same, and because I didn’t do it the first time ‘round and kind of regret that.

Anyway, today I went to the clinic that people have been talking about, the one that I’d heard was handing out non-human/species versions of hrt. It had piqued my interest at first, but I hadn’t been certain, partially believing it might be a joke or a prank or something, but then more and more people began to talk about their own transitions, so I began to research it for myself, eventually working up the courage to seek out my own. When I reached the clinic I was a typical mixture of nervous and excited, and was running what I needed to say through my head a thousand times, to make sure I got it right, while I waited for them to call me.

My nervousness partially stemmed from the unusual nature of what I was going to ask for. I’d seen people posting about fish hrt, dog hrt, bat hrt, and even dragon hrt, but what I was going to be asking for was even more outlandish.

When one of the staff came to get me, they led me to a room with the name ‘Dr Hans Erian’ on it, and told me to go inside.

My first thought, as soon as I saw the doctor, was that he looked like an evil mad scientist who had turned good - and honestly, given the magic he was working, he might well have been, assuming it wasn’t actually magic. We greeted one another, and he invited me to sit down across from him at the desk he was behind and we began to talk.

Naturally, he asked me what kind of non-human hrt I wanted, exasperatedly listing off a few standard options, a few of which I'd heard of before. Once he had finished, I told him that I wanted to get ‘shapeshifter hrt’.

See, while I had been looking online, I had come across so many cool, different kinds of animals and creatures people were turning into that I couldn’t pick just one, so I was hoping that I’d be able to get a hrt that let me any I wanted.

The doctor’s response wasn’t positive, as he swiftly told me that I would not be able to take the medication. My heart dropped when he said that, and I had to fight back my emotions from showing; I had seen so many amazing stories online, and I had been so hopeful despite what I knew was an extreme ask, but it still hurt to hear it was impossible.

I should, however, have waited for the doctor to finish his sentence (although in my defence, he paused at a very bad time) as he went on to say that ‘shapeshifter’, or ‘polymorph’ as it was properly called, hrt was more like an additional medication taken with a non-human treatment after a period, akin to progesterone in feminising hrt.

This renewed my excitement, it was possible, I’d just need to become something else first, then I could become a polymorph from there. Also, I really like the term ‘polymorph’; it felt right. He went on to explain that the polymorph treatment needed a base species, one already predisposed to shapeshifting, so that the polymorph treatment would take. The doctor laid out some options, explaining that they were the best options to work as a base if I wanted the shapeshifting treatment later. There were many cool and interesting options, but the two that stood out most were dragon and slime.

Now I’d seen an example of dragon hrt, and while there were definitely many features I liked from it, the end result wasn’t quite up my street. Slime HRT meanwhile was something I hadn’t really seen before, and the idea of being goopy and fluid sounded very appealing, and seemed like a very malleable base for shapeshifting later on, so I decided on that.

He then pulled out another list, detailing the variety of slime hrt’s that existed, and again, I went through the list and selected the one that most appealed to me - a slime made of sap, liking the idea of being somewhat plant-y, and I even asked if that would mean I’d be able to photosynthesize, the returned ‘yes’ making me even more certain in my decision.

The doctor then pulled out some forms, explaining that while originally there was a requirement for you to live socially as your preferred species for 48 months, but due to demand, and many people pointing out the impossibility for some people to do so, (and I swear I heard him mutter something about too many people kicking his door open), that the clinic had moved to an informed consent model. He slid the forms over and I quickly, but thoroughly read through them, before signing off and sliding them back to him.

While I was reading the forms, I noted some of the ‘side effects’ with a small chuckle to myself - ‘Dissolution of bones’ and ‘Loss of skin and organs’ would have sounded a lot worse on any other kind of medication, but given what this was going to turn me into, those were to be expected, and frankly wanted.

I also noted that the hormones I would be receiving would be administered in gel form, which made sense given I was basically going to become like gel, however, it did prompt me to enquire about how this hrt would mesh with the normal, gender, hrt I was already taking, especially given I was taking that as a gel as well. Fortunately, the doctor explained that I could keep taking both together safely for the first few months, but once the treatment had converted half of my body I could stop, given that at that point my physiology would be changing too much for the human hormones to continue to have much of an effect.

After I had signed the forms, it didn’t take long for the doctor to write up the prescription, and to send me off to get the medicine I’d need. As I’m writing this I’ve just taken my first dose, and looking forward to updating when there is next some developments! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Next

#slime hrt #shapeshifter hrt #(a little)#transgender #non-human hrt #species hrt #(gonna tag the other hrts since i mentioned them #and a little for visibility)#dragon hrt #bat hrt #dog hrt #fish hrt #my writing

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carlyraejepsans · 1 year

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So I'm about to ask something that might be personal ? And it deals with some personal baggage that you as someone on the internet might not be interested in hearing about ^^' so you might not want to talk about it as is your right obv !! So uh feel free to tell me to fuck off, but, how did you know you weren't cis?

Ya see, I've been questioning my gender for a while now, and I can't really come up with an answer. I'm a lesbian, that's a pretty big part of my identity, I'm not overly feminine but not masc either, when people refer to me as female I feel super uncomfortable, but I ain't too bothered by some of my body parts, ive daydreamed about switching to they/them pronouns online or masculine pronouns in my native language.... But all of that wouldn't fit with what people might expect of me ? And I'm scared if I actually went through those changes people might think I'm performing a form of queerness I shouldn't be privy to. And the worst part about this is, most of my friends are queer, non binary, trans... Wouldn't they think I'm trying to copy them ? Even though ive had those thoughts long before we met ?

Kinda feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to be myself, because myself might not align with how i act or how i seem to be on the outside. idk if you feel the same, but it's especially shitty living in a country with a heavily gendered language you can't escape adjectives forever lmaooo

listen to me. i am holding your face in my hands. nothing and i mean nothing you decide in regards to your gender and/or sexuality will ever be anyone's business but your own. the idea that you can "appropriate" someone else's experience with queerness is a gross bastardization of the discussion on CULTURAL appropriation, which is a false analogy and can devolve into gender essentialism fast.

you have no idea how many trans people (gay people too, but especially trans people) locked themselves in the closet because of that same feeling. of "not beeing privy to those experiences", especially for trans women. i promise, as long as you stop at establishing what a certain label means TO YOU and don't try to decide what it means for other people, then you will never hurt anyone. anyone who says otherwise is a cop.

there are trans men out there who lived as cis lesbians for a very long time, and because that was such a big part of their life, they still think of themselves as such, at least in part. for some it's out of kinship. for some it's out of genuine attachment to the word. same thing with gay men who grew on to become trans women. and trans people in general who still carry their younger selves right by their heart. genderqueers who ended up being cis after all, but who still feel like that period of exploration was crucial in shaping their identity. butch and femme alone, while particularly dear as lesbian identities, encompass all genders and sexualities. wanna know something funny? i throw terms around a lot in english, but if you asked me in italian what my gender identity is, i would say "bisexual". because almost every person in my life who's ever called me bisexual actually meant "nonbinary", or "whatever weird thing those transgendereds got going on lately" (some of them probably meant intersex as well, which just for the record i am not. as far as i know, at least). is it an outdated definition? sure. but unlike the literal italian word for nonbinary, bisexual is actually a neutral noun lol. and after all, my experience with gender does inform my sexuality, just as my sexuality informs my experience with gender. it's not wrong, technically. but if someone somehow assumes I'm a lesbian (which happens a lot lol) i don't usually correct them i just... go with it too, y'know?

anyway, what it sounds like to me is that you're obviously going through a period of questioning your gender and or presentation, which you took notice of, but you also feel some kind of peer pressure or societal expectation from other queer people that is denying you a safe, healthy form of self expression in this new period of your life that you obviously wish for yourself. please, try not to pay it too much mind. try out whatever label or description calls to you. change it without notice if you find something better. and if anyone gives you trouble for it, eat them. good luck buddy.

#answered asks

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just-1other-nerd · 11 months

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Good Omens live blog ep. 12

Once again, did not totally forget this one in my drafts, I don't know why you're saying that...

He doesn't have real candles anymore, after the incident

How did he know from which class Muriel was?

I like the way he contrasts heaven so much, it just looks so weirdly pretty. Also, he's just got the gayest walk

Oh no, not the angel outfit

Maggie, love, now is the wrong time to awake your inner badass. Aaand just minutes later we've got an I told you so situation

The circle is such a nice callback and clever as well

The Muriel Crowley combo is one of the best things in this season

Crowley was high up in the heavenly ranking? I just know that there will be so many fan theories

Gabriel, or shall I say Jim, is just enjoying the chaos

Did Gabriel just say "Nah", like for real? He's such a bitch

Why is Saraqael so chill right now?

I'll do myself one better: Why was Gabriel so chill about going to hell? Very sus

So that was the institutional problem, a bit unspectacular if you ask me

Not the BOOKS!!! As a fellow bookseller, this season really hurts me as much as the last one. Why do they keep doing this?

So halos are weapons? Cool. Idk how to explain it, but he throws it in such a gay way. Are they dead? Discorporated? Unconscious?

Love how Crowley just keeps giving orders, and they just follow them like he isn't a demon

So we got the high-ranking angels there, Lord Beelzebub and this seemingly high-ranking demon, but wtf is Furfur doing there?

Crowley just keeps insisting that there is no war and weirdly everyone listens?!

Saraqael has got the sass

I knew something was up with the fly! But I thought it was a false lead or to spy on them, not a container of Gabriel's memories!

Beelzebub is strangely nice and gentle

INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY IS CANON?! I thought of this more as a fun crackship, and I thought it was so silly that this would never become canon, so I didn't expect the fly to be connected to Beelzebub in a good way.

When he shows them the statue, they just make an "okay weird" face and move on, I think that's hilarious

How his love for Beelzebub not only makes him do a miracle but also appreciate earthly things

But that montage convinced me that they deserve a happy ending somewhere where they can't hurt anyone. The way they look at each other. Damn Beelzebub has a pretty smile

Today everyone seems to forget Saraqael's name

Crowley's got such a fun dynamic with so many people

Oh, that one guy is still alive

Maggie makes some moves, you go girl!

The way Crowley proudly watches when Aziraphale becomes bossy

Alpha Centauri is back, I can't cope!!!

They're singing their song, that's so cute

Shax and Furfur being besties, like slay

Is that the Metatron? What is he doing here? I sense something bad coming

The way Crowley recognises him before everyone else is so funny

The Ritz, oh my God, the Ritz! And alone time?! Like a date?!

Crowley is putting everything back to where it was, that's husband behaviour

Nina and Maggie speaking the truth! And Nina called her angel! Best advice, 10/10. Is this really happening? Will the ineffable husbands really become canon? So excited!

The romantic music from the Blitz!

No, Aziraphale, don't interrupt him now!

Please, don't let that go to where I think it's going!

FUCK IT IS!!!

Aziraphale, I know you really believe what you're saying, but I'm with Crowley on this one!

We get a love confession anyways? I think I might be dying. The way he looks up trying not to cry, like same.

So many daggers are being put directly into my heart right now!

The sunglasses, NOOOOOO!

He really does understand it better than you, but he needs to explain it! There is so much more to say!

No nightingales. Really?! Neil knows the fandom to well, he knows exactly where to hit us, so that it really hurts. I love and despise him for this

Oh my God, it's happening, everybody stay calm, stay fucking calm! They really just kissed! It's canon y'all! But also: not like this! NOT THIS DESPERATELY AND NOT THIS DEVASTATINGLY! I'M IN AGONY!

Not the "I forgive you"! Aziraphale, you idiot, I can't even express why that line and Crowley's answer are so damn emotional and full of meaning. The parallels! I can't cope! I literally rolled off the couch, and now I'm lying on the carpet crying!

Not the lip touch!

I don't think Muriel will do any harm to the shop, but they'll probably make lots of mistakes...

He doesn't take anything with him because Crowley was the only thing that really mattered!

Crowley judgingly and sadly looking at Aziraphale and the Metatron makes the pieces of my heart break again! And the dramatic strings in the background aren't helping!

The second coming?! We're in for a wild ride in season 3, not only emotionally and characterwise but also plotwise! I literally can't wait!

I can't help but hope that he won't step into this elevator until the last second, but somewhere inside me, I know that he just isn't there yet in his character development

Crowley looks so heartbroken, he finally sees their relationship for what it is and now he's lost it! He's shutting down the nightinggales song and drives away expressionless

WHAT KIND OF AN ENDING IS THIS?! WHAT THE FUCK, NEIL, WHAT THE FUCK! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO US! ONLY SEASON 3 MIGHT BE ABLE TO HEAL US, BUT IT'LL TAKE FOREVER TIL IT'S OUT!

Loved this season, but damn do I feel an emotional overload and I have a love/hate relationship with that ending because as an aspiring writer, I would have done the same, it's brilliant, but it hurts so much!

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izzyspussy · 9 months

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You said asks so NO PRESSURE but since you said S1 RoyJamie I now can’t stop trying to imagine it with a more realistic Roy and/or whatever other departures from the zeitgeist you would enact 👀 👀 👀 if you wanted to say anything more about that that would be exciting

Okay so, re: my tags about it being different than everyone else's that you eyeballed like. Maybe I'm just too aromantic for All This, but the biggest reason I usually don't love the season 1 royjamies that are already out there is because I feel like they warm up to each other emotionally and catch feelings and all that way too fast and imho without much actual romancing? Like, they have sex a few times and then they're like okay I was totally wrong you've never done anything wrong in your life. Which like honestly....... boring.

And my second biggest issue is usually more with Jamie's characterization than Roy's! (I mean I do always wish people wouldn't slough off a lot of Roy's anger and other various Problems and all, but that's consistent lmao). But like season 1 fics make Jamie such a woob and a sadsack and take away his agency quite a bit, like all his bad behavior is someone else's fault - and like, okay, to a degree, I GUESS, but like...... idk man him having a reason to act that way doesn't make it less of a choice that he made.

I also think there's way too much emphasis on him being protected and rescued, which like, listen. I love a good romantic rescue as much as the next guy, but it was also something I really loved in the show that Jamie got to defend himself. He got to decide to be fed up, he got to fight back. And!! He always had a belligerent do-your-worst attitude, which he maintained all the way up through season 3 to the end!! I love that about him and I find it lacking in general, but especially in season 1 fics when it should be most present, when Jamie has the most people and reason to be defensive.

Anyway, back to the first thing. I do think that having sex with each other would change their perspectives of each other significantly, but not necessarily toward romance or even friendship. Like, their Feelings develop totally independently of their physical relationship! Besides which, I feel like there's this really interesting stage in any enemies-to-whatever type of relationship, especially when it starts with a (literal) Bang, where they stop seeing each other as The Enemy and start seeing each other as a living, breathing, vulnerable human being who they happen to be enemies with. And I feel like in a lot of enemies-to-whatever things that stage is sorely neglected, and I think it would be an ESPECIALLY interesting - and vital - stage for royjamie.

So if (IF) I ever wrote one myself, it would still start with a literal Bang. They'd impulsively have sex. Not exactly hate sex, because neither of them can really hate someone they're having sex with - but that's the perspective shift isn't it. They can't hate each other anymore, but that doesn't mean they start to like each other or even really care that much about each other.

So anyway, they would sleep together, and they'd both be way different in bed than they thought the other would be. And they're a little bit mean, not quite in a fun sexy way, but not quite enough to be hurtful either. And then they'd do it again a few times, and they'd be vastly humanized to each other. But they'd still be just coworkers with workplace tension who are fucking and also sometimes Jamie stays for dinner just because they both get lonely and it's only polite for whoever lives in the place they're at to offer. They're slightly more than tolerating each other. They're empathizing with each other and being incredibly intimate - off the clock - and it's a bit weird but a bit not weird and they're just going with it because. well. what else are you gonna do.

And then I'd have them stop sleeping together when Jamie gets transferred, without ever moving into that What Are We stage nevermind any further along than that. And then they become friends, semi-long distance. Texting and stuff. Kind of like the fic Waterfalls, which idr but might be gen. But also I'd probably have it even more of a slow burn than that, at least wrt Roy learning about James. Just because like... another thing I feel like happens a lot is that people have Character A find out about James and then suddenly they like Jamie after that and all. And I don't really like that either, I liked that they had all bonded at least a little before That Whole Thing in canon as well, and I'd want to keep that. OR maybe even bump it up a bit, but have them not suddenly be buddies after it. It would be interesting to explore mixed feelings on that front, where maybe Roy feels protective of Jamie and angry on his behalf, but without having a fully formed (if reluctant, at that point in canon) personal relationship with him.

But anyway so. It wouldn't really be enemies-to-lovers. It would be enemies-to-not-quite-strangers-who-fuck-and-are-intimate (I know allos cannot handle this concept, at least when I bring it up as something I want irl lmfao, they just don't get it! but listen. it happens, it can happen, and it can be pretty good too!), then half-hearted-enemies-again-to-friends, and then friends-to-lovers.

And WHO can say what I'd do or not do with Keeley. But I also hate when she gets just completely written out of the dynamic because I feel like that doesn't make a whole lot of sense and also is a bit boring. Even if it's not an OT3 endgame, I still feel like she should be all kinds of up in their business.

#jack chats #jack facts #ted lasso #royjamie #hc #writing process #<- probably not really but.

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your-queer-dad · 1 month

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Hey so I’m new around here and I’m so glad I found your blog it feels so nice to scroll through. Anyway I have a lot going on that I want to talk about because I don’t have anyone else to talk too so I might break it up into a few different messages so I don’t overwhelm you with my problems lol.

So for starters I feel like I won’t ever be able to come out as trans I’ve known I wasn’t cis since I was 14 but didn’t know what so never come out to anyone even my queer friends. But now that I’m 18 I know a bit more I’m some form of genderfulid or gender flux I think maybe gendersatyr, genderfaun or boyflux maybe (although there are some rare days when I might feel more feminine idk its confusing) but I just kinda identify as transmasc, genderfulid or non binary depending on the day. Anyway back to what I was actually saying my family and a lot of my close friends are religious (Christian to be exact) so are very trans and homophonic but like in a “God made you that way you should not change that” and “love the sinner not the sin” and “pray the gay/trans away” especially my family my friends are very accepting of the people just not the actual things of that makes any sense?

And like perversely mentioned I do have queer friends but before I was really to come out as trans to them my religious and queer friend groups mixed weirdly so now I can’t come out at all.

And I know people say all the time that their not worth having in your life if they don’t accept you but it’s so hard to think like that when they’re genuinely amazing people who have gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life.

Also I thought when I got older it would be better that I could get a place for myself myself in the city or just someplace farther away and that would make it easier to come out but instead I’m working my butt off in fast food still living with my mum pretending to be someone I’m not.

So yeah I think that’s enough from me rn sorry it still ended up so long lol

A. A 🖤 (I hope no one already has this signature) I haven’t actually picked a name yet but for some reason all the names I’m thinking of start with A so..

Hey kiddo, I'm so sorry this is your situation right now. And I get what you mean about it's hard to let go of people who don't accept you- it's really hard. They're your friends after all, and it hurts to lose people. But I am so proud of you. Even if the people around you don't accept you, there's a whole community on your side- you don't have to go through this alone.

I love you and I'm so proud of you kiddo. Keep going and I'll always be here if you need to talk.

- dad x

#lgbt #finch rambles #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer positivity #trans #transgender #ask a finch!

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ohlovxr · 2 years

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ok u cannot judge me i read that one stepbro remus blurb (ur prolly gonna be able to recognize which one. thats all im sayinfg. i’m a whore i literally cannot stand myself. eep) but

idk i heard somebody say sumn about an older stepbro!matt who “accidentally” (maybe. maybe on purpose tho. open to interpretation) buries his cock balls deep in your ass when you’re fooling around one day. he’s behind you with your body pulled flush to his chest when you freeze and squeak under your breath— “matty— that’s— wrong hole.”

speaking from experience (a fr accident. that i handled like a champ bc i am a champ) if you’re relaxed and aware of the fact that you need to REMAIN relaxed it doesn’t hurt as much as it just feels really weird and big and overstimulating. As long as you’re not moving, you’re mostly fine, even with spit for lube and little prep. You’re squirming as much as you dare to-which isn’t very much— while matt holds you still, hands smoothing down your arms and tone dripping with concern, “Oh, jeez, I’m so sorry. I dunno if I can get it out, I mean, there’s no lube and you’re just so tight it’s gonna hurt both of us a whole lot :((((we’re gonna have to wait until you relax, baby.“. and hugs you tighter. n maybe that sounds not quite right, but matty’s older, he’s in grad school, so he prolly knows what he’s talking about, right? plus he’s fucked you thru 3 orgasms atp so your brain is swiss cheese. of course matty is right. he’s always right. always looking after you. N so you’re pretty much stuck there, in his lap, his mouth at your neck n his fingers rubbing little soothing circles around your puffy little clit as your hole flutters n clenches around him. it’s so hard to stay relaxed, especially when matty starts to grind his cock into your ass, careful to keep his movements shallow so he doesn’t tug at your poor stretched hole too much :(( and you whine n whimper at first but matt’s quick to tell you it’s fine, he’s just a little uncomfortable, ‘cause this hurts him too, after all, so wouldn’t you just try to relax already? and you’re trying real hard but every time his fingers brush your clit you can’t help the shiver that spasms through you, sharp like a shockwave up your spine, n you end up squeezing tight around his cock even as hard as you fight not to. Matty lets out this little rumble in the back of his throat each time you clench up like that but he keeps bullying your poor lil clit anyways, pinching n squeezing n rubbing at it until your pussy starts to drool n that uncomfy overstimulated feeling of his cock stretching your ass starts to give way to smth else. when he urges you back against his chest and kisses your neck from behind a fretful little moan slips out and you choke on a pleading matty, not exactly sure of what it is you’re even asking for. But matty’s good to you n he always knows what you need. “we’re gonna need lube if you can’t relax, sweetheart,” he whispers against your throat, his voice shallow and strangled as he grinds you against his cock and works your clit a little faster, breath hitching each time you clench down around him in response, “but don’t worry about that. i— oh, fuck— I think I got it covered.”. your head is spinning atp and your only coherent thoughts begin and end with matty n the feeling of his cock inside of u so it takes a second before u fully understand what he’s saying. and then he groans and tenses up and something warm and wet and hot floods ur insides and you clap your hand over your mouth—

“Oh my god, matt- what the hell?”

“sorry,” he replies, grinning, n even though you can’t see it his tone is vv much “not sorry” so you know precisely the shit eating grin he has on as he works his hands up under your thighs to lift you just a little, pulling out just a little and then pushing back in. anyway im literally blushing rn and cannot continue this bc im writhing n screaming n dying of shame. but basically ur big mad bc u didn’t get to cum :(( but that’s ok because now that matty’s got u all lubed up with his cum he can fuck u until ur shaking <3 i will see myself out. runs directly into traffic

STOOPPPPP GAAHHHHHH

…

when he can actually start thrusting into your little hole, he praises you with the MOST condescension, “good girl, sweetheart. taking my cock like a little champ.”

#you really are a champ though cutie #thank you for sharing your experience and turning into the highlight of my week #matt murdock x reader #notsfw #stepbrother!matt #tw stepcest

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blood-injections · 9 months

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ooh tell me about amputee Ghoul whump (I was considering doing an amputee Kobra fic actually but I'm not sure how to write that so I'd be interested to hear your thoughts)

It's just a one shot about him having a prosthetic leg and having to accept help when soreness he's been ignoring all day catches up to him during a firefight and he can't walk back to the trans am and he's fucking frustrated because he feels like a liability, a cripple, and the others have to keep putting in his head that jeez no, just because you need help or mobility aids doesn't mean you're a liability to us >:(

Basically it's yet another fic in which I project on fun ghoul and put him in Situations, specifically ones I've been in lmao cause I'm an amputee myself. Anyway so ask me anytime if you're unsure how to write Kobra or any other character, it depends on the amputation, like I have a prosthetic leg so thats what I gave Ghoul, and I'm not really sure what specific things someone with say a missing arm would go through, but if they have a prosthetic, I'd imagine a lot of the same chronic pain and soreness, because your skin tends to get irritated easily in a socket, and if you sweat in it especially, the stump or wherever it rubs against you gets really raw really easily, rashes or blisters, hot spots, and when its like that it fucking hurts, I've had it bad a couple times and could hardly put any weight on my leg because every step just feels like you're getting stabbed or like a shock is shooting up your leg though your bones. And yikes, for a killjoy i can only imagine, living in the desert and being on your feet all day and sweating in that heat would be hell. It also depends like what kind of prosthetic, like if it's an actual one with a socket, they'd deal with that, but its danger days so what if they had a cybernetic one without a socket? They wouldn't have those hot spots but I imagine they'd be crazy sore wherever skin and metal connects, idk why but something tells me it'd be crazy itchy? Like, just past where it cybernetic part starts, a scratch you can never itch. And they could have phantom limb pain too if the character has lost the limb and didn't always have it like that. i dont know what thats like because i was born with my disability, but I'd imagine it's like dysphoria if anything, something aching thats not there, and then also wanting something or in this case, wanting something back so bad its agony, because if they lost their limb I'm sure they'd grieve it bad for a bit, maybe even forever, I know a lot of people that lose limbs struggle to accept that yeah, you're disabled now.

There's so may other things I could go into like parts breaking and how difficult it'd probably be to fix or replace them in the zones and mobility aid specifics and ohh the dehabilitating back pain you have if your prosthetic leg isnt the perfect length and your hips arent level, etc etc, if you do write the amputee kobra fic and need anything else im your guy :)

#asks #fun ghoul #ttlotfk

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meet-at-tycho · 26 days

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sorryyy its late and i am filled with joy and whimsy. i love them so much, my sibling always gets annoyed with me cuz theyre all i talk about.. can you blame me? to have that vast boring nothingness shift into excitement and happiness and real true love? if you were me, youd talk about it too

its so funny cuz my life seems to move in cycles, familiar patterns that ive grown really sick of.. traumatizing and terrible, horrible bloody mess.... and then the most long drawn out boring slice of life youve ever witnessed. trauma! nothing! trauma! nothing! really tired of that.. i never thought that my nothing could be broken with joy, isnt that strange? for once, im not really hurting anymore. when i do hurt, i can handle it on my own and let go, and if its too much then i know im safe to express it

ive come such a long way, i dont tend to see myself positively, but.. its hard not to be proud. guys it turns out all you need to be happy is like. LOVE isnt that so corny isnt that so unbelievably predictable... APPARENTLY its true, i guess it feels different when yr actually experiencing it firsthand

im like on the verge of tears right now but. theres no sweeter joy than this, its so fucking BIZARRE. how did it happen this way? all the little bits and pieces that fell into place, delivered me angels and made me whole again.. cheesy, i know im being cheesy but i cant help it!! im sweet on them as often as i can be but theres still a lot of things i just.. dont have the strength to say directly. so i say them here, im sure only one of you will see this anyways. but i dont need either of you to see it, just speaking my feelings out into open air eases my mind a bit more

sometimes im like wow! theres no way this is healthy im . can i really experience true love? love that doesnt hurt? love thats REAL? as much as im tempted to deny it, im living it every day!!! i wake up and theyre both there to greet me, isnt that sweet? the first people i speak to when i wake up, the last people i say goodnight to when i go to sleep

i think i just need someone, i think im the kind of person that just.. ive been alone for a while, its OKAY its whatever, ive definitely grown used to it but. i thrive when im with them, its so? maybe all i need is someone else to keep me here.. ive got two!!!!!

maybe thats not clear enough

the way id get through that droning loneliness is escapism, nonstop daydreams and dissociation, i was barely here. only to eat and take care of my body a little bit, then its back to fantasy, because .. theres people who love me in my dreams! but.. im honestly finding it so hard to slip back into that habit now. its scary, because its whats kept me safe. hiding in fiction has kept me safe, kept me calm, happy.. but i cant shake it out of my head!!!! any time i try to fall back into those routines, the only thing i can think of is THEM.. like yeah this is great and all but.. i dont want to be trapped in my head anymore!!! theyre out there, i want to be out there..

if im honest? its terrifying. im forced to come to terms with ME as a person, who i am, something ive neglected to acknowledge for my entire life, but. im so completely wrapped up in my love for them that i hardly think about that!!!!! for once, it sorta almost feels like time is moving how it should be.. like every day that passes is different, every day that passes is SPECIAL. it hurts me to say this, but i think i love being alive? can you imagine that? how is it possible that two strangers could just.. fall into my life one day and before i even know it, im healing, im happy, im whole. MAKE ME SICKK its so foul. its almost pathetic!!! is that really all ive needed? this whole time, and i couldnt find ONE proper candidate throughout 20 years of life? its hard to really be upset about it, cuz.. ive got them now. thats all that matters

idk, i just. i think its really telling the kind of people they are, i know im only me, but.. for what its worth, theyve improved my life so drastically, i wouldve never thought id see myself happy like this. they do that for me, they do that and so much more. i love you 💞

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jiangwanyinscatmom · 1 year

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Hi. Saw your opinion on non-canon ships in SVSSS. And I'm curious to what you think about BeefLeaf. Personally, I don't really like the idea very much. There was too much between HX and SQX to ever had a chance or to ever have actual chemistry to be a plausible couple. Idk know where this ship even came from besides the fact that they were sort of introduced together and SQX was the definition of clingy best friend while HX hid his true motives and personal vendetta against the Shi brothers. Also there is a god-awful amount of fics under this tag. Not as much as JWY/LXC 🤮 though.

Just asking if you're familiar with their arc.

Good morning!

I'm not much of a side shipper for MXTX works really, if anything I am simply maybe more dedicated to the potential of Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli if I were to explore something in tandem with Wangxian. But I have to say that's really the most I am willing to really stick effort into for a transformative fic project.

I myself was more... interested, I guess, in the relationship in general for Beefleaf as it was in the story than anything else about TGCF.

Even from the point of it being a strange almost friendship Shi Qingxuan thought it was, and what He Xuan also wanted it to be in the midst of his own hate, vindiction and connection to him in turn. Plausibly, in the story itself, no I don't think there is any chance of an actual romance, as He Xuan has a lot of feelings to work through with what his hate against his love of Shi Qingxuan as a person vs the enemy he was for centuries in his mind. He Xuan was committed to the to see Shi Qingxuan as an end to a means. But, Shi Qingxuan also became more to him, and I think that is the thorn for it all.

He Xuan did end up caring more for him, than I think Shi Qingxuan even knew, and that's why they can't ever really come to an understanding. They hurt each other unintentionally and intentionally. Shi Qingxuan still sides with Shi Wudu after how much attention he gave to He Xuan. And He Xuan still wanted the Shi brothers to fall together despite what yearning he had, whatever it was, when he was with Shi Qingxuan. Yet He Xuan is still the one to follow him even after he has fallen to mortal. He Xuan is the most interesting party here, as time and again he almost gets what he wants yet tragedy follows him constantly despite his choices.

He killed the one person that Shi Qingxuan was willing to do anything for, someone arguably very vile to He Xuan. It's hard to come to terms that someone you have cared about, does not care for you as much, and has someone else already they would protect so much. It's He Xuan's yearning to be wanted by someone that doesn't even know how much he has hurt him, that is really haunting.

In that way a romance lens makes sense. But I also think there is so much to think about anyways, as these are two people who constantly missed the other while having the chance to be close, if not for awful circumstances from before never letting them be real friends. It does not need to be about romance, to still see all of the missed what if's if things had been different, but that's not the world that MXTX explores in her works, and all vindication has it's regrets when that's what one of her characters is obsessed with.

Yearning as well, can be a scary thing that haunts you.

#tgcf #heaven's official blessing #shi qingxuan #he xuan

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queenofzan · 4 months

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idk man i just feel like i spend literally all of my time fighting with my feelings of inadequacy and uselessness and it blows my mind when i try to refer obliquely to. the fact that i am and have been desperately sad for two years and people are like ??? what are you talking about

which. i myself have told people no news is good news, so presumably they think, ah, ani has stopped talking about how hurt they are by this thing, they must be over it, good for them

when really it's just like. i am so bored and embarrassed to still be this upset and insecure about things even though if they happened to someone else i would be so pissed for them and would not expect them to just stop talking about it!

but also like. how many times can i say "wow it's so fucked up that my program kicked me out for being disabled and getting covid" and "the fact that three women i thought were my friends immediately ghosted me and lied to me by omission makes me deeply sad and exacerbates my lifelong conviction that no one really likes me"

everything else going on in my life is frustrating and objectively difficult and i feel like i have gone exactly nowhere for two years now, so like. how and why would i stop feeling useless and disposable.

anyway i am unappreciated in my time but it feels petty to complain about that when the entire world is growing increasingly hellish (and tbh i cannot really remember a time when it didn't feel like that!)

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knockout-stan · 2 years

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That Dreadwing fic was amazing 🥺♥️!! Could you do something similar with wheeljack and/or starscream?

yo i got this ask on aug 6th and its the 31st im so sorry this is so late qwq hence why i call them “suggestions” and not “requests” cuz idk if im gonna even FOCKIN write. I only wrote it with Wheeljack for now but I may do Starscream (just a dif universe Starscream) at another time. wheeljack DOES call reader doll in this and that's like the ONLY implication of the reader being “femme” I try to write my readers as gn as possible but I couldn’t see Wheeljack calling his s/o any other nickname doll is just too perf.

ANYWAYS. roll film. no tws there's no vomit like last time.

word count: 1,158

TFP!Wheeljack x sick!(kinda)femme!reader

You struggled to hoist yourself up on the passenger seat of Wheeljack's ship. A little more than usual, which was odd. You pushed the thought from your mind as you looked out the front window.

"Another energon mine?" You asked.

"Yep. Gotta mark this one on the map for later use." Wheeljack answered, punching in some buttons on the side.

"Y'know...I'm down to steal a cube of energon from one of these places for you." You commented, turning to face him.

He continued inputting coordinates. "Heists are pretty dangerous, doll. Sure you're up for it?" Wheeljack asked. He was worried about you getting captured, but he wasn't a controlling lover by any means.

You were about to assure him, when a gust of wind picked up outside, causing the ship to tilt slightly. Wheeljack was quick to steady it but you, not so much. You shifted your stance to catch yourself but unfortunately, your knees gave out causing you to land with an 'oomph!' on the large metal seat you stood on.

You tried to laugh it off but were thrown into a string of nasty coughs. You covered your mouth to catch any germs and phlegm and turned away from Wheeljack, preoccupied with this coughing fit.

"You alright, doll?" Wheeljack asked with concern.

"Ugh. I don't feel alright." You answered after you were done. The familiar and indescribable feeling of malaise began to settle in your body. You were tired before sure, but after that coughing fit, you were now exhausted. Your body began to ache and your arms felt weak.

"Hm. Better get you to the Autobot base. The other humans will know what to do." Slowly, the ship lifted and began to soar through the air.

You wanted to retort and say you could take care of this yourself, but instead, you resigned to rolling your eyes and laying down in the passenger seat.

-

After a quick WebMD diagnosis from Jack, Raf, and Miko, you all reached a consensus. You had the flu.

"I know I'm sick and everything, but do I really have to be in the hospital bed the whole time?" You spoke out loud to Wheeljack once the base had emptied out.

"Makes me think the flu is a lot worse than it probably is," Wheeljack responded, masking his worry. He had yet to familiarize himself with common human occurrences like annual illnesses.

"Trust me it's not. Lasts for a week, tops. As long as I take care of myself, that is." You reassured him, changing the position of the damp towel on your forehead. You unknowingly sighed in frustration.

"Something else on your mind? Other than that rag?" Wheeljack asked.

You shook your head absentmindedly. "It's just... I hate that this is happening right now. Like it couldn't wait? I just absolutely HAD to get sick right as I'm suggesting a way for me to contribute?"

"Contribute?"

"Well- I mean- Like I-" You stammered a bit. "I mean, I was hoping to do a tiny little energon heist as a way to be helpful to you... Sometimes I..." You stalled, afraid to put your strife into words.

With a bitter and defeated sigh, you continued. "Sometimes I feel guilty for not contributing and helping you. Sure I'll go in and take pics and record stuff but I get this feeling I should be doing more for you."

"____, you don't need to do more." Wheeljack seemed sad as he spoke. It hurt him to see you put so much weight on yourself.

"But I want to." You rebutted.

"It wouldn't be fair of me or anyone else to put that pressure on you. So don't go doing it to yourself. Having you around is all the help I need from you. You and your pretty doll eyes remind me why I keep fighting those 'cons. The only thing I expect of you is just..." Wheeljack lifted one of his hands to graze the side of your face. His metal digit was rigid and scratched up from over the years of fighting and tinkering, yet he was so gentle with you.

"Stay with me for as long as you want. And stay being my doll." Wheeljack's expression softened into a gentle smile, with lovesick eyes that met yours. The bitter feeling in your chest bloomed into a giddy, shy feeling. You hid your face in your hands in embarrassment, hiding your reddened face.

Wheeljack scoffed at you endearingly. "Geez, you got me all soft now like the other bots." He quickly glanced behind him to check for any others. After making sure the coast was clear he began to mass shift into a smaller form, easier to hug and kiss.

One of his servos wrapped around your torso, while the other one gently pulled your hands away from your face.

"When you get better we can still do that heist if you really want to. For the purposes of having fun and ticking off the 'cons, of course." Wheeljack met your eyes with that oh-so-familiar gleam of excitement.

"You make me feel better already." You spoke just above a whisper, your face inches from his. He smiled in response, his spark fluttering from holding you so close.

"Well not really. I still feel congested but... Y'know what I mean." You chuckled and Wheeljack laughed as well. You met his gaze and spoke again. "I'm sorry that our adventures are put on hold because of me." You smiled sadly at him.

Wheeljack shrugged. " It's not your fault. Plus, a rest stop doesn't hurt every once in a while. We can watch some of those movies you're always talking about as you get better. Just rest up and stay cozy for me."

"Oh wait there's actually a movie I've been wanting you to watch!" You squirmed out of Wheeljack's grasp and grabbed your laptop from your bag. The laptop landed with a soft plop on the hospital bed and you started typing in your password.

Wheeljack faced the screen but watched you during the entire process. You probably didn't realize the grip you had over his spark, and your quiet mumbles as you guided through web pages were so cute. He was in love, with you, and every detail of you.

Little did he know, you could see his lovesick eyes staring at you through the reflection of the laptop screen. On impulse, you turned your head and gave him a quick peck on the lips and turned your head back to the screen.

"There it is. Ok, I'm gonna press play." You spoke and you scooted over to give Wheeljack some room to sit. He opted to instead lift you up and sit you down in front of him.

"How's this?" Wheeljack asked. His voice was low and close to your ear. You knew he was doing this on purpose and you almost wanted to scoff at him. You decided to lean back into him.

"This is nice." You answered, a smile on your face.

"Yeah. It is." He replied.

#Transformers Prime #tfp wheeljack #tfp x reader #transformers x reader #tfp wheeljack x reader #transformers #transformers fanfiction #transformers prime fanfiction #tfp #my writing

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nihilizzzm · 9 months

Text

This is a heavy post, sorry.

What an emotional dump this ff is. I have like two chapters left to write still. But like…

Let’s just say i am raised in highly heteronormative country in which lgbtqia+ people are constantly deprived of their families’ love and acceptance all around them. And being raised in this reality is painful but also it’s not the worst it could be so who am i to complain?

I am also very happy to be raised in family full of acceptance and love. And by family I mean my closest family. However it still brings me pain to even think that I could one day fall in love with a girl (most likely tbh) and will have to tell this to them. I know they will be fine but the rest of my family would absolutely freak out and probably just be ashamed of me forever. So I am living for few years now with this feeling that I will never be loved because I am more scared of stepping out of someone else’s comfort zone than I am wanting to experience love. And I am ready to give up dreams about relationship only in order not to be a problem, because my own feelings are not worth the mess they will cause.

And I did similar thing with Boromir in my ff, because in this 16 chapter monster he is mostly scared of his growing feelings which he learned to throw away in order to serve Gondor and be good son of his father, who is not very excited about his oldest liking 🏳️‍🌈men🏳️‍🌈. This includes also a lot of feeling guilty after any physical interaction, being taught to fulfil some needs with shame and constant feeling of being an imposter, not worthy of meaningful love, because his way of life already made him too damaged for it.

Idk, i kinda wanted to share it, because as I read it now I see how much really I filled this ff with my own thoughts. And ofc it’s hurt/comfort with happy ending, because I want to convince myself I will get a happy ending.

I will fill an official complaint if i don’t get one. I will turn into a karen and ask to talk to the manager, because I deserve a happy ending for fuck’s sake.

I know this post is chaotic, sorry for that. I will tag it with trigger warning for homophobia and if anyone would like me to add any pls let me know, bc I know this whole thing is heavy as fuck probably

Anyway, have a good day/night and I truly love yall <33

#personal #tw homophobia #i am venting #maybe projecting onto fictional men is my coping mechanism #just idk i relate to boromir as an older sister and as a human being in general #and the version of him i’ve created is not one to one from books or movies #but it’s mine #and i think it’s well written so…#sorry for that

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