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chocolatecoveredvynal · 9 months

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Spun like a Record

-A Single Dad, Cillian Murphy x oc fic. Cillian was married and had a kid at 22 while he was still in College. He had a daughter and named her Madi. Cillian and his wife had a very unpleasant relationship and had divorced after Madi had graduated highschool. Cillian moved to California with Madi so she could go to college but stay close with him. While in college Madi had gained a new best friend, her roomate Lexi Franklie. Lexi and Madi were super close. Madi brings Lexi over to her dads place all the time. Cillian had thought Lexi was a fine and smart girl. He was happy that his daughter had a good friend but he couldn't help but find Lexi attractive. Cillian didn't really know what to do with his feelings since he has been with few women in his life. Its Madi, and Lexi's Junior year in college and Madi wants to have her spring break at her dads place. Lexi is 25,and Madi is 24 and Cillian is 47- (not edited yet)

Two cars pulled up into the driveway of the Murphy household. Madi exits her small black convertible and Lexi leaves her white truck. Even though the two of them were in separate cars they were simultaneously giggling and laughing in excitement. They grabbed their duffle bags and walked up to the door together. Madi opened the door without a second thought and Lexi followed behind.

"Dad! Parties arrived, so get out of that dumb man cave of yours!" Madi shouted through the house. She plopped down her bags without a care in the world, the loud thud catching Lexi off guard.

The soft patter of Cillian walking down the steps caught the two girls' attention. Lexi was expecting a frown or a scowl on his face because of the shouting his daughter was doing; but surprising to her Cillian had a bright smile the moment he saw the two girls. Lexi's gaze had softened at the sight of his curled lips. Madi was quick to let out a happy squeal and the moment Cillian was off the stairs Madi was running towards her father and trapped him in a tight hug.

"I didn't know you girls were gonna be here so early, if I knew I would've whipped up you girls some lunch" Cillian said in a gentle manner as his daughter pulled out of his grasp.

"Madi wanted to surprise you, so there's no need to worry. We had a small lunch before we got here anyways" Lexi reassured and gave Cillian a side hug with a bright smile. "It's good to see you again Mr.Murphy"

"Well I'm just happy I get to spend time with you girls again. Soo how's university been?" Cillian asked, seeming genuinely intrigued and curious, wanting to catch up.

“Oh my gosh it’s been hell! We have our finals in two weeks and I’m so thankful for Lexi, she’s helping me on top of studying for herself” Madi replied with a small whine as she suddenly wrapped her arms around Lexi.

“Besides from finals Madi, you’ve called me crying about it for the past week” Cilians playful tone made a small giggle escape Lexi’s lips and a big pout to form on his daughter's lips. “How about you Lexie? Still playing volleyball or did that tire you out”

“It's been good for the most part, volley has been keeping me busy, like even though it's my ‘vacation’ I still have to go in and practice and I think I have a match on Thursday” Lexi answered with a sheepish tone. Her answer let a small chuckle to leave Cillian.

“Ahh that’s a shame. I was hoping that we’d get to spend some time together since you girl are around. But it's no problem, as long as you're at least enjoying volleyball.” he said with a tender smile and continued, “So you both are planning to stay here for the whole spring break?” he asked slightly, cocking a curious brow at the girls. The girls were quick to give him excited nods to his question.

“Yea, my parents are busy with my younger brother this week, so Madi thought it’d be a perfect idea for me to just hang with you guys for a break” Lexi explained and her answer made a tender smile spread across Cillian’s face.

“If you want to dad, you can come with me to watch Lexi’s match, I'll make sure to get you into the game for free,” Madi added with a playful tone and smirk. Lexi was a bit confused about Madi inviting her dad, but Lexi didn’t want to dwell on it.

Cillian thought over the idea for a second. The idea of going and watching lexi play made his face start to get hot and a small blush creeped onto his face. He was quick to shake his head to recompose himself and then he replied ‘Y-yeah I guess I could go, I don’t have anything better to do I guess. Never really been to a volleyball game before, so i’ll try my best to be a good cheerleader”

His response made a giggle leave Lexi’s lips and she gave him a genuine smile for accepting to go. “Yay, well then now I have my own Murphy family cheerleaders”

Cillian and the two girls continued to lightly chat and catch up, but after a while Madi had grown bored and wanted to hang out with her friend instead of her dad. So in a moment of slightly awkward silence Madi spoke up, “Well it was nice to catch up with you dad, but me and lexi got some unpacking to do” her blunt manner was apparent and she had grabbed her bags she had previously thrown on the ground, and started to head up the stairs.

Lexi listened to her friend and gave Cillian an awkward half smile before she grabbed her heavy bags that she had placed on the couch. Cillian could tell that Lexi’s bags were heavy, seeing her slightly struggle to lift it off the cushion. Before Lexi could get on the first step of the stairs, Cillian grabbed her bags straight from her hands. Lexi kept walking up the stairs but she looked back at Cillian with a thankful smile on her lips. Once they got to the top of the stairs Lexi took back her bags, still having a sweet smile directing it towards Cillian.

“Thank you Mr.Murphy” Lexi said simply, her smile and tone causing butterflies in his chest.

Lexi continued towards Madi’s room. When Lexi arrived she saw Madi had already opened up her bags and started to put stuff away. Lexi plopped her heavy bags on the bed and followed Madii in emptying out their belongings. The two girls were quietly talking and giggling with each other. Unknowing to the girls Cillian was in the doorway slightly smiling to himself seeing his daughter and Lexi having such simple and peaceful fun. Cillian so badly wanted to eavesdrop on the conversation, wanting to know what was so funny, or if there was some big information that he was unaware of. But after a few minutes Cillian decided to leave the girls alone, and headed to his office down the hall.

Cillian could barely think, his face was flushed and his chest tight from the memory of Lexi’s face. She was so tender and so genuine. He could tell she was still nervous to be here, acting like she hadn't stayed here plenty of times. Cillian could still hear the faint sounds of the girls' laughs and giggles. He couldn’t help but let a smile crack, he was happy that his daughter had been friends with such a wonderful woman. But after about thirty minutes the laugher had stopped, it was eerily silent, he let his thoughts run rampant. Maybe one of them said something wrong, maybe they had snuck out the window, maybe one of the girls had been hurt. He knew he was worrying over nothing but he decided to go and check in on them. He walked out of his office and back down the hall to his daughters room. Cillian was shocked to see it was just Madi in the room, laying on her bed on her phone.

“Where’s Lexi?” He asked genuinely curious, he noticed her bags were now empty but still there.

“She had to leave for practice, she’ll be back later tonight. She said that we don’t have to wait for her for dinner. Her ‘friend’ Boone was gonna drop off some food for her after practice” Madi answered in a casual tone, her eyes never leaving her phone.

“Oh-Okay” Cillian said almost breathlessly. He left the doorway and went back to his office. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Lexi might have a boyfriend. He knew he had no right to feel jealous or inferior, but he couldn’t help it. How did he not know about this, Madi tells him everything, why would this need to be hidden from him.

(I know its short but its like a epilouge so I promise the next part will be longer)

#cillian fic #cillian murphy #cillian fluff

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mid-weast · 3 years

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Will you keep it down? | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: You and Jungkook attend the same university and have been neighbors for 3 months now. It drives you crazy that he plays loud music at 2AM, and it drives him crazy that you barely acknowledge his presence.

Pairing: Jungkook x Female!Reader; Black!Reader

Words: 2.6K

Genre: enemies to lovers, student!jungkook, student!reader, fluff, mention of smut, angst? (in the form of bickering back and forth).

Authors note: Hi hi! This is the first fic I’ve ever written so if it’s bad I’m sorry. Also it is unedited so if there's grammar / spelling mistakes I'm sorry again! Also this is catered toward the reader being Black but I hope it can be enjoyed by everyone. Thank you for reading! Feedback is appreciated ok love u bye!

“Y/N? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!? Open this door RIGHT NOW!”

Even though you were studying in your room, his knocks were so loud you nearly jumped out of your skin. You had expected a reaction, but not a full-on explosion.

You and Jungkook have been apartment neighbors for about three months now, and a constant problem is that he blares his music hella loud late at night. Of course he’s a music major so he listens to music a lot, but at this point you don’t care. It doesn’t even seem like he’s working on composition homework anyway, just being an asshole with no regard for his neighbors peace. Now don’t get yourself wrong, you're not just some uptight bitch who complains about everything. Well, you do have several pet peeves but over the years of going to school in Korea you’ve picked and chosen your battles very wisely. In most cases you let things slide. You wouldn’t care at all about someone playing the music loudly, but it is 2 AM, and while you’re up studying you know a lot of your other neighbors are trying to sleep.

You tiptoe toward your front door and twist the knob slowly. You only open the door wide enough to be able to see his face. It’s not that you’re scared that you’re in danger or anything, and you rarely back down from people giving you a hard time. But you were tired, wearing a big ass t- shirt and short shorts (your regular sleep attire), and it was late at night. So if anything was going to pop off you felt pretty vulnerable. Even though you’re the same age, he towers over you and you find his size kinda intimidating.

As usual, you have to crane your neck to see his face, and your view of him is limited by the narrowness in which

you opened the door.

“Can I help you, lil boy?”

From what you can see of him, right away you can tell that he is pissed. Dawning his usual attire of a black sweatshirt with the hood up, black sweats, and stomp a hoe boots, he stood extremely close to your apartment door with his arms crossed. His usually wide, puppy dog eyes are now pressed in narrow slits. His normally pouty lips are formed in a hard line, and his jaw is so clenched you could carve an ice sculpture with his jawline.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You called the cops on me? Are you INSANE???" Jungkook shouts.

Obviously he's mad, and despite the amount of times you've gone back and forth he's never raised your voice at you. The old you would have screamed back at him, but over time you've tried to respond to anger with calmness. Also, you were a little scared because this mf is kind of big.

"I already told you if you keep blaring your music at 2AM, I was going to do something about it!" You respond in a hushed whisper, slightly concerned that your elderly neighbors will be even more disturbed by the noise. "I've told you this a million times, and you barely do anything about it. If anything, it's gotten worse like you're doing it on purpose. People are trying to sleep and I'm trying to study, why is this so hard for you to understand?"

He sucks his teeth. "You're such a little snitch. And I've already told YOU that YOU can't tell me what to do."

"I know I can't...but they can," you nod toward the exit, referring to the police officers that most likely just left out that way with a tiny smirk growing on your face.

If it was possible, he clenched his jaw even harder and you think that he's going to pop a blood vessel. He pushes his way into your apartment, which sends you stumbling back and you grab the door handle to regain your balance. This causes you to close the door shut.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're-"

He steps right up to you and leans down into your face.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, seriously??? Why are you such an annoying little brat? Just because you're a nerd with no friends who gets no play doesn't mean you can take your bitterness out on me.”

You have to laugh in his face at this point because hello??? First of all, who is he talking to? Second of all, you have told him a BUNCH of times to turn his music down late at night. You didn't think that was too much to ask. As far as you were concerned, being aware of your noise level when you live in an apartment is the universal bare minimum for being a human being.

"ME? Who do you think YOU are? Actually let me tell you. You're an entitled little rich boy who thinks he runs the world. I don't give a fuck about how popular you are on campus, how many people fall at your feet to be around you, and how many hoes you have, you cant talk to ME like that. And how are you going to try and tell me about myself when it's too much of a task for you to be a decent neighbor? I've never done anything to blatantly bother you, so why can you just.." You started to panic because usually when you raise your voice out of anger, your voice cracks and tears threaten to pool out of your eyes, but you tried to get a grip and not back down..."why can you just be nice to me so we can live in peace? Is that too hard for you???"

He looked kind of taken aback by your question. Being nice to you? It never crossed his mind. Also, you kind of had a point. When the semester started and you both moved in on the same day, you would shoot him a small, friendly smile in passing but you never seemed interested in getting to know him. He always wondered why that was. It's not that he had a problem talking with girls, since all he had to do was breathe and girls would come flocking around him, but you would flat out ignore him. Even at all the major parties at the beginning of the year and on Thursday nights when students take over the clubs in the city, you'd barely even acknowledge him. He KNEW that you had seen him too, since you would make eye contact, but you acted like he was just another guy at the club.

And he'd be lying if he said you weren't fine. You had thick thighs, a beautiful face, nice curves, and always wore outfits that hugged you in the right places. He always wondered what it would feel like to wrap his arms around your body and press it against his own. He would constantly sneak peaks of you throughout the night at the club, but something stirred in him when he saw that you were chatting up other guys. Was he...jealous? Jealous that you were so eager to pay attention to these dudes who, in his opinion, were decent looking but they were nowhere near his level, and you never even gave him a second thought? One night he even saw you leaving with a man he knew through mutual friends, and he had to physically stop himself from breaking the glass he was holding, because that guy, while objectively handsome, was nothing compared to him. Jungkook wasn't blatantly cocky, but he let his talent, charm, and looks speak for themselves. He was THEE Jeon Jungkook, and nothing ever really bothered him....except you.

Was he....interested in you? Nah, that can't be it. You were some random chick who happened to be his neighbor, who also is one of the only girls he's met that doesn't give two fucks about even having small talk with him, and that infuriated him for some reason. So the first time you came knocking on his door in an adorable pink satin pajama set with a matching bonnet complaining about his loud music, he knew the game he had to play.

He's still standing over you, centimeters away from you face, but you notice that his eyes soften a little and so does his jaw. He unclenches the fists he was holding crossed against his chest

You continue, “I don't care what you do, and I'm DEFINITELY trying to run your messy ass life. Believe me," you scoff, "you don't have enough money to pay me to do that. But when your dickhole behavior fucks with MY life is when it's a problem. And it's BEEN a problem."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever, little girl, maybe I should call you little mouse now, since now I know that you'll go squeaking to the cops now, don't fuck with me or my music again.”

Without moving your head you look him up and down with a confused expression. "Am I supposed to be scared of you? No seriously, you look like you cry during Disney movies while wearing footie pajamas, and now here you are throwing a fit because I forced you to stop bothering the entire wing with your music?"

Girl...what are you saying??? This man just barged into YOUR place, is in your face, and is strong enough to pick you up and throw you, and you’re insulting him? But you figured if he's going to be rude, you'll throw it right back because you're tired of his bullshit.

Whatever softness he was feeling for a fleeting moment immediately left, and annoyance once again washed over. He straightens up a bit and puts on that annoying confident smirk he wears when he thinks he's won arguments between you two.

"You should be nicer to me, all it will take is for me to tweet one thing about you, and you'll be the most hated person on campus."

At this point, any suspicions that you had about him annoying you on purpose were confirmed. You've concluded that this mf is a bully and you, small and shy but not one to take mess, will put him in his place to-motherfucking-night.

You take a step toward him, now crossing your arms tightly against your chest, but he doesn't even move a hair backwards.

"Clearly you need a rude awakening so here it is. I don't know what type of people you've dealt with all your life, always saying yes to you, letting you boss them around and taking whatever bullshit you dish out, but let me tell you I am not the one. Never have been and never will be. Unlike the other fools around here who cream their pants at the mention of your name, I don't care about who you are. You'll respect ME and MY peace as long as we're neighbors, you get me?"

Now y/n, you have never so boldly stood up to someone, where did that come from, babes? You've tried to not let this entitled little boy get to you this whole time, but with him standing in front of you in the middle of your apartment with that extremely annoying, yet handsome, smirk on his face, and after all the crap he's said tonight, he had you all the way fucked up.

After you said that, he just laughed and looked away. Now you’re standing there fuming and confused...was there a joke you missed? You were being dead serious!

"Something funny?" you ask, narrowing your eyes.

"Nothing, just thinking about how I want to face fuck that annoying little mouth of yours so you finally shut up.”

Your jaw almost dropped to the floor. You've never had a guy say something so blatantly rude and vulgar literally inches away from your face. But again, you weren't going to back down.

"Oh really?" Scoffing and tilting your head to the side a bit while narrowing your eyes even more, "I'd very much like to do the same. Maybe then you'll learn your place."

"Oh please, princess, you probably blanch when someone around you even mentions the word sex." He chuckles and leans down close toward your face again and cocks his head to the side, scrunching his nose and in a pouty voice said, "you're fooling no one, but keep trying, maybe you'll get there.”

You're even more annoyed than you were before, if that was even possible. But if he wanted to play this game, you might as well go there with him. It's true, you were a bit more prudent than more, but it pissed you off that he could tell. Regardless, you do know some things to say that could have him leaving with his tail between his legs.

You pouted your lips and in a babying tone said, “Aww sweetheart you have no idea. You think you're big and bad but like I said, you probably cry watching Disney movies. The same way you'd be crying, begging me to let you cum down my throat as I mercilessly toy with your cock for hours.”

Now it's his turn to go pale. Y/n, his stuck up neighbor who has barely even spared him five seconds of her time just threatened to edge him into submission? He has to pinch himself because he must be dreaming....

“Well I-“

“But I don't even think we’d make it that far, hun” you continue, “because in order to humble your egotistical, disrespectful ass, I'm gonna have to ride your face until you suffocate. And when the paramedics come and I have to explain how you died, I won't even hesitate to tell them that you were a punk ass loser who LITERALLY drowned in my pussy!”

You don’t know who this person speaking is, but it is not you. All of the pent up hostility you’ve held towards him just flooded out of you and you couldn’t stop the words from coming out. To be honest you shocked yourself, but you still stood there with your arms crossed and your face unfaltering, just waiting for him to say something smart back.

He stared at you silently, eyes wider than you’ve seen before and his mouth hung slightly open. He wasn’t expecting you to respond with so much fire, but now he wouldn’t be able to sleep until the image you painted came true. His brain said fuck it, and his lips crashed down onto yours. The kiss is sloppy but passionate, and you swore you heard him quietly whimper.

When he feels you starting to kiss back, he smirks into the kiss. Your lips are moving against each other in tandem, and all thoughts about how much you despise the prick fades away. As you uncrossed your arms and placed them on his chest, you could feel his heart beating wildly. Was he as nervous as you were this whole time? You wonder. You knew he was a player, so he was experienced. But the thought that you made him nervous gave you a tiny confidence boost. His hands slowly slide up the sides of your body to sneak behind your back, to pull you further into his chest. As much as your brain was telling you to resist him and push him away, you couldn't help but fall victim to how soft his lips felt against yours. Suddenly you feel airborne as he swiftly reaches down behind your thighs and picks you up. You instinctively gasp but he doesn’t miss a beat, simply biting your lower lip and locking your lips together again.

“Maybe we should test that scenario of yours, and if it comes true, that wouldn’t be the worst way for me to go” he says, doing that annoying but soul-crushingly handsome smirk he likes to wear as he carries you off to your bedroom.

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angeloroki · 3 years

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something more — s. todoroki

you wanted to stop this relationship of friends with benefits, with shoto. before your feelings towards him destroyed you.

— character ; aged up!shoto todoroki x gn!reader

— request ; @tyunsworld angst college au where shoto and yn used to be friends with benefits but yn is trying to stol this fwb but shoto refuses (no smut pls just some indications)

— genre ; angst, au college

— warnings ; suggestive content, curses

— a/n ; i decided to change the ending a bit, i hope it's ok for you and that you like it anyway :)

you were sitting on your bed, in the room you shared with your roommate. she wasn't there, gone to her weekly dance class.

every thursday and tuesday, at 6pm until 8pm sharp. your friend was very punctual, and that suited you perfectly.

because usually, at that time, during those two short hours that you shoto would come and spend some time with you in that room.

it was never anything serious, just a good time that the two of you would give each other. kisses that were worthless, soft caresses yet devoid of feeling, sighs and i love you's that were deprived of love echoed and echoed between the walls of the university room.

it had started only 6 months ago, at a mutual friend's party. todoroki was the rich boy in business school. classy, elegant, handsome, and a smooth talker, he had absolutely every girl on campus at his feet.

so, you could say you were slightly surprised when you saw him accost you in the kitchen, where you were trying to relax a bit. you had hooked up, the discussion was not forced, one thing led to another - and especially under the effect of the euphoria felt at the very moment - you had ended up in bed together. you could remember that it was the best sex of your life. and yet you had had quite a few.

a bitter taste stuck in your mouth.

the day after that night, he had found your number and offered to continue. nothing serious of course, just something where you would both enjoy each other. no empty feelings. he had used a phrase,... friends with benefits, that's the term he had used.

stupidly, you didn't hesitate. because after all, you were young, and you needed to unwind with classes and all. and it's not like you could fall in love with a guy like that.

only you were so wrong.

you slowly came out of your thoughts to look at the time. 6:01 p.m. Your friend had gone out ten minutes ago, so Shoto should be back any minute.

a sigh escaped your lips at the scenario that was about to unfold.

and yet you were the only one to blame, or rather your stupid heart. or maybe your stupid ease of attachment to people who couldn't care less about you.

you lay down and stared at the ceiling.

you knew his weaknesses, what he liked to do on a sunday afternoon, the things that made him angry, just as you knew every inch of his body.

and how the fuck could you not fall in love with him?

a salty taste comes to your lips, tears. you bite your upper lip, silently. and yet you knew it wouldn't be mutual. and it never would be. because he was simply shoto todoroki.

« you spend a lot of time with that boy, what's his name again ? your roommate yells at you from the bathroom. is there something going on between you or something ? »

the heat came flooding in on your cheeks.

« no... no! it's just that we have mutual friends, that's all. »

« yeah sure ! but be careful though, he's known to break hearts this guy [..]. »

that talk you had three months ago echoed ironically in your head. breaking hearts. and yours, by the way.

you go over the plan in your head. before things get hot, you tell him. all at once, well almost all. you just tell him you want out of this relationship.

and so you say everything without pauses, at the risk of crying in front of him. the best thing is that you remain insensitive.

someone knocked on the door. 6:12 pm, he's here.

« y/n, it's me. » he said in his deep voice, which always made you shiver.

you got up and opened the door for him. a small smile lit up his usually stoic face. as you spent more time together, shoto had managed to get more and more comfortable with you, and that could only warm your heart.

« sorry for the delay, the traffic was heavy. »

he went to sit on your bed after taking off his shoes. a worried expression grew on his face when he saw that you said nothing.

« if you're tired, we can meet again next week. i know it's tiring with exams right now. » he said in a kind voice.

could he stop being an angel, just thirty seconds, you said to yourself silently. in just a few steps, you crossed the room and placed a long passionate kiss on his lips, and it was with great pleasure that you felt him respond with the same ardor. you had to feel it one more time before you put an end to this whole mess.

his lips tasted minty, and they were angelically sweet. addictive, that's what his kisses were like. you felt his tongue asking for permission to find yours. and for a few seconds, a feverish waltz settled between your two mouths.

you felt as if long hours had already passed. and you still wanted more to be added, or for time to stand still. but you wouldn't let him go.

and yet.

you shifted from him. he was a mess, his hair untidy from your hands that had to find a support, his face was a dark red.

a small laugh escaped his lips.

« what's this ? a goodbye kiss ? »

you looked away from him. and that's how he understood.

« what ? tell me something. »

« i want to stop this. I'm not interested in our evenings together anymore. »

you didn't need to see him to understand that he was sad now.

« did i do something wrong ? »

his hand came to yours, its warmth melting you.

« no, not at all. i just want to stop this. »

you knew him now, and you knew he'd try to figure out what the problem was. you just needed him to be angry with you, so your feelings for him, the first to be touched, could surely fade. at least you hoped so.

« it's gotten boring with you. you faced him, your gaze now cold. i've grown tired of you, so find someone else to satisfy you. »

his eyes reflected a melancholy that you had never seen in him before.

« y/n, i didn't stay 6 months with you just for sex... i like talking to you. »

your heart skipped a beat. of course, shoto, as a friend.

« that's not my case, todoroki. you were a good lay in bed, and you helped me forget the stress of college. but that's over now, get your shoes and get out. »

despite your command, he didn't make a move. his eyes analyzed you carefully, before his sigh echoed in the room.

« you found someone, didn't you ? you thought you could hear a little regret in his voice, but why ? sorry, i won't bother you anymore then. i'm happy for you. »

he got up and walked to the entrance, where his shoes were.

« i- no... »

how could he not see that you only had eyes for him ? that the other people who were just accosting you, were immediately raked ? a sincere anger went through your body now. you were angry at him now that he didn't notice your love for him.

« i love you. » you said in a quiet voice.

you saw him stop, his back was to you. fuck, that wasn't part of the plan.

« i don't want to see you anymore because i love you. because i know it will never be reciprocated. so please leave. »

he turned around just enough for you to meet his eyes, full of sorrow. a stranger might have thought it was you who had just broken his heart. or maybe you had really broken it ? you'll never know.

« no, y/n. i can try, we can try. it doesn't have to end like this. you're not like the others, i don't want to let you go. »

« i know you can't love me like i love you. don't make promises to me. »

« but i don't want to leave yo- »

the fact that he refused to leave you, to end the relationship, only gave you false hope.

« get the fuck out ! »

your sudden irritation startled him slightly. but he knew you were right.

« i-... i'm sorry y/n.- »

« stop apologizing, it's not your fault. »

« i wish it had ended differently. »

and silently he left your room, leaving you alone with your tears.

your old discussion with your roommate came back to you

« [...] he's known to break hearts this guy. but i have to admit that he's charming, anyway i care too much about my heart and my feelings to make love to him. » said your friend from the bathroom.

« i don't fall so easily, f/n. and stop it, you sound like my parents. you say laughing. »

i wish you would have told me i love you too, shoto todoroki.

#shoto x reader #bnha x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki x you #todoroki x yn #shoto todoroki x you #shoto x you #shoto x y/n #mha x reader #bnha angst #todoroki x y/n #chloe;writing

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ssa-steverogers · 3 years

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black widow reviewish? but it’s just my thoughts™️

i just watched black widow thursday night and i am shook. i'm going to do two separate reviews; one WITHOUT spoilers and another WITH spoilers. the one without spoilers will be here and the one with spoilers will be beneath it.

SPOILER FREE REVIEW:

here are some stuff i guarantee to you:

you will miss nat

other than that? it was really good. i think it'll be in my top 5 marvel movies. obviously, it takes place before she dies lol and she deals with her past. it was funny, action packed, and the COMPLETE opposite of boring. literally the shortest 2 hours of my whole entire life. there was no scene where i was like 'damn this is taking a long time', like i said, ZERO BORING PARTS.

i would so recommend this movie, although, for people who haven't really watched the mcu or care for it might not enjoy it as much as they should but this movie really connects into the mcu timeline. we learn so much about her past and things are starting to make sense again. black widow definitely answered a lot of questions about her past which made me feel so happy because nat has been treated as a 'sidekick' for so long and to see her finally have a black widow centered movie? wow.

also, yelena????? (aka florence pugh's character) i am in love with her. i love her so much. i hope you will too because she's really funny and relatable.

also, keep in mind that this movie is supposed to explain natasha's past because i feel like a lot of reviews that criticize the movie are forgetting that

damn, well all that is left to say is that i cried and that i hope you love the movie <3

•

REVIEW WITH SPOILERS BELOW:

omfg guys this movie shook me. i cried multiple times. i have so many things to say!!!!1!1!

first off, critics that are saying that the whole idea of a villain in this movie is weak. i somewhat agree??? taskmaster seemed to be a lot less important than portrayed in the trailers. then again, this movie wasn't supposed to focus on hero vs. villain i think? like it literally takes place after civil war because marvel needed to have a redo on their misogynistic take of nat. but also this movie is to show us her past. if anything, the movie was hero vs. their past. taskmaster was there just because but was not the main villain.

it's cool if you disagree with me because i haven't read the comics and whatnot. i do wish that they used taskmaster better but the movie obviously had a purpose to focus on (nat and her family/backstory) so too much could've just been a distraction.

also thought it was cool that taskmaster could copy the fighting style of everyone. as i was watching it i was like 'oh, wakanda forever! captain america shield throw! black widow pose! winter soldier knife throw!"

anywhooooo, i cried the most when yelena was at the table with the fam fam and they were hurting her feelings without even realizing it. and then when she was like 'the best years of my life was fake and you didn't even tell me' i was so gone. i was dead. i really understood her in that moment and i wanted to hug her so bad omfg.

also????? i just want to know... did they teach the girls how to braid their hair in the red room? was there a class for that? everyone's hair was so fucking good lol

parts of the ending also gave me super captain america: the winter soldier vibes. like when nat lets taskmaster out from the room and she's like ya know don't fight me pls it's like steve with buck in tws. and the fight being the sky just reminded me of the helicarriers from tws. but then again, steve and nat were cool buddies so it's not weird that they became similar.

FIGHT SCENES. oh my god, action packed amazeballs. like i wasn't even expecting that. mcu has great action/fight scenes but in black widow? DAMN. what specifically amazed me in this movie is that in the past, they've downplayed the aggressiveness of fighting. but they didn't hold back for black widow. every punch, kick, and throw emitted so much power and rage, which is exactly what you'd expect coming from a bunch of russian spies. i loved that aspect so much.

THE CREDIT SCENE OH GOD. throughout the 2 hour long movie, i fell in love with yelena and i'm not even kidding. i love her so much. i just want to hug her (as stated before lol). to see her there at nat's headstone. i started crying then fricken valentina showed up. i was shocked while at the same time i was fricken like jesus then could've been a sad and touching moment for yelena. i also wonder if they meant for valentina to be introduced in black widow first or tfatws first? like which one was the original original idea? because of the bonk bonk release dates. i seriously want to know.

more onto the credit scene, the time in between yelena whistling and what SHOULD’VE been nat whistling back? longest like 5 seconds of my life. the silence was deafening. i fucking cried.

black widow is fucking great but i still wish we got to have her funeral :(

omfg i can hardly think of anything else, i am just so overwhelmed by how good that movie was. i'm going to miss natasha so much but at the same time i'm so happy that we are SO definitely going to get more of florence pugh as yelena. and yelena is such perfection i love her :) anyways, when it comes out on disney+ for free i will rewatch it a million more times :)

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sillyrabbit81 · 3 years

Text

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3.8k

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of death,

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 17 Part 19

Part 18

It was a crazy week, and by Wednesday, I had had enough and wanted it to be all over. It was the last day of school for the term. The kids were rowdy, and it was hard for them to concentrate. I gave up structured lessons after the morning session, and we did Easter craft. Still, even craft was hard for my kids. Most of them can't use scissors without assistance or had to use modified ones set into a wooden block. It wasn't a bludge, but it was much less stressful for both the kids and myself.

I had playground duty at lunchtime. Some of the older mainstream kids had heard about Liam, and a few would walk past me and sing the theme song to his superhero movies. Others would have a conversation with me and sneak in a movie quote. Lucky for me, most of Liam's films weren't appropriate for children, so there were only a few they could use. The kids would run away giggling, and I would shake my head. I wasn't upset by it, kids are kids, and at least they made their fun to my face.

The parents were awful. The mums would go quiet when I was near them, and I would hear laughter or whispering as I walked away. The dads looked at me just that little bit longer, making me feel uncomfortable. I just tried to remember Liam's arms around me, the way he made me feel safe in his arms. I found myself touching my earrings a lot. They soothed me.

The worst part was the other staff. Not all of them, just a couple of the younger ones and newer ones. Their eyes seemed to bore into me in the staff room and in meetings. The ones who had been here when Andy died were good. They appeared to be on the same page as Marla had been. The rest of the support class teachers and TA's were kind. They actually asked me to my face about it, seemed happy for me, and then that was it they moved on.

My boss, Michael, did call me into his office on Monday afternoon. He was good about it mostly, just concerned because apparently, the office staff had received a few phone calls from a couple of media outlets trying to get in contact with me. The staff were good enough to hang up on them. I was honest with Michael and said I didn't know what my plans were, just that we were dating. I did tell him about how it would be official on Thursday, but it worked out well because the office would be empty for two weeks, and by then, I'll be old news.

When I spoke to Liam on the phone, I had told him about how I was feeling. I was honest about it as much as I could be.

Liam was empathetic and seemed sincere when he said I didn't have to go. "If it's too much, we can wait for another time. The dress you have will be as good in a few months as it is now. Or we can return it all and try again later." Cheekily he said, "I'll let you keep the earrings."

I declined. I wanted to get it over with. I figured the quicker it was done, the quicker no one would care, and I can go back into hiding. It was like ripping off a band-aid. Just do it.

When I had gotten home from work on Tuesday, I had decided to do the hardest thing of all. I called Andy's mother.

Anthea was born in Greece and immigrated to Australia with her family in her early teens. She had met Andy's dad, Tim, a white Australian with Irish heritage, and they had a beautiful marriage. They had five children, three boys and two girls. Andy was the youngest son and was the unofficial favourite. She had always been lovely to me. She always called me Little Lana and would always hug me and insist I ate. On my birthday, she would make me galaktoboureko. She still calls me for my birthday and invites me over for Orthodox Easter and Christmas. I don't go, but I always make sure to call and send presents for my two godchildren.

"My Little Lana," Anthea gushed. "It is so good to hear from you. How are you going? Tim, Lana is on the phone! He will be so happy you called. Yes, Timothy, it's Lana. Yes, Tim says g'day. How are you? We miss you. How is work? How are your precious children? You do such good work, Little Lana."

Did I mention she talks a lot? She was one of those people who seemed to speak without having to take a breath.

"Hi Anthea, I'm doing well. Work is great, really good. I have a great bunch this year."

"Yes, you sound happy, Little Lana. Your new boyfriend must have something to do with it? He is very handsome. Not as handsome as Kamari mou but handsome. I showed all my friends, and they tell me you are still so beautiful and your hair is still so pretty and long. So long now. You've grown it."

I was stunned. I tried to talk, but the lump in my throat was so big, I couldn't swallow. I tried to say something, but all that came out was a huge sob, and I broke down.

"I'm sorry, Anthea, I am so sorry."

"Why are you crying? Stop it. Alana, why would I be upset? Why are you crying? Don't cry, silly girl. You should be happy. I do not expect you to be wearing black, like an old lady from my old country, for the rest of your life. I know you loved my son. but you're too young to grieve forever."

"I wanted to call you and tell you, but it happened so fast." I was still crying, but it wasn't so bad now. Anthea had comforted me in a way that I hadn't even known I needed. That she still loved me when I had started dating another man was incredible to me.

"You shhh, Little Lana. Listen to me. You have obviously called me for permission whether you know that's what you were doing or not. You have it, my blessing. Kamari mou wanted you to be happy also. He would not want you to be alone forever. You know this. Go speak to him, speak to Andy, and you will know."

"Thank you, Anthea."

"There now, Little Lana, you will be ok. Now no more speaking of sadness. I must tell you all the wonderful news. You will be an Aunty again soon."

Anthea talked to me for a little over an hour. Talking to Anthea was being talked at, but I needed it. I promised to call her again soon. She, of course, invited me to Easter but didn't expect a reply.

I felt lighter after talking to her. She was right. I had needed to know from her that she was ok with it. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been. I don't think I would have ended it with Liam. I think I was in too deep, but it would have been much harder to go on.

Anthea was right about something else too. I needed to talk to Andy.

So after school on Wednesday, I drove to the cemetery. I went and saw my Dad first. I didn't have much to say to him. I just sat there and let the memories come to me.

I remembered when I was six, and he shaved his moustache off, and I hadn't recognised him. I had run screaming to my Mum that there was a stranger in the house. I remembered how he would take us to see the fireworks on New Year's Eve, getting there early to get good spots and watch in awe as the fireworks exploded over Sydney Harbour. Nothing was as breathtaking as my home city on New Year's Eve. I thought about how he loved David Bowie, and he had even convinced my mother to name my brother after him. Dave and I had taken Dad to see David Bowie a few years before he passed away, and it was one of the most incredible nights of my life. The Labyrinth is still my favourite kid's movie, and Jareth was my first crush. He looked so good in those tights.

I went to see Andy. I don't see him very often. I go on Boxing Day, his birthday and our anniversary. As had become my ritual on those visits, I had his old phone and listened to his playlist. I laid down on the grass next to him and looked up at the sky. After a while, I started talking.

"Hey Butthead," I started, smiling as I said our private nickname. "I've got some things to tell you. First of all, I miss you. But surely you know that. And I know you know I will always love you. You were such a beacon in my life. A light for me when everything else was dark. I was like a moth to your flame. You drew me in, making me want to be close to you. You always made me feel like everything would be ok if I just stayed in your light. Things were so dark when you were taken from me. For so long, I felt nothing. Everything was dark.

"But then I started feeling better. I still missed you every day, but I wanted to find that again. Feel that love and safety again. I started dating about six months ago. Online mostly, you know, how the kids do it these days. I went on a few dates but felt nothing. Or if I did feel something, I felt like they weren't as good as you. Why would I settle for anyone who wasn't as good as you?

"I don't mean the same as you. I mean someone who moves me the way you did. Someone who showed me kindness like you did, someone who made me laugh, made me feel giddy. Someone I was attracted to. But also someone I wanted to do things for, someone who I wanted to go out of my way for, not because they forced me, but because I wanted to because I knew they would do it for me.

"I was about to give up. I only tried dating for a few months, but it felt so futile that I didn't care anymore. Then this guy started messaging me. He was sweet and funny, a Pom, but don't hold that against him. Anyway, I liked him instantly. It scared the shit out of me. I made him wait three months before I agreed to meet him. I was so scared because I knew I could fall for him.

"And when I met him, the sparks were there. It was instant. He was all the things I wanted. He's not like you. You're both very different. I mean, he doesn't like Mad Max for God's sake. But he makes me feel the way you made me feel. And Andy, I am falling for him."

*********************

"Lana, hold still." Jen was pulling my hair. I looked over at Riza, who was covering her mouth with a magazine. Her shaking shoulders gave her away, though, and I could see she was laughing her arse off. "I only have a couple more to do, and then you can go home and sleep."

I was at Riza's place. I had to see Jen after I spoke to Andy. Jen wanted to put my hair in pin curls. She had washed my hair and then got started pinning small sections of my already curly hair into curls.

I thought it was weird, but she said the hair has to be curled in the right direction for the style to work. She also said that the longer the curls were in, the better the result. That's why I was at her place, getting my hair done 24 hours before the event. How do celebrities live like this?

"How the hell am I going to sleep in this?" Riza's dropped all pretence and was laughing openly at me now. "Get bent, Riza."

"Hey! You're the one who looks like a 1950's housewife right now."

"1940's babe," Jen admonished. "Get it right."

When she finished, she wrapped my hair in a silk scarf. "Did you buy me an apron to go with the barefoot in the kitchen look?" I asked.

Jen laughed. She knew me well enough to know it was a joke. "Trust me. You're gonna love it."

"So when do I take the clips out?" I asked Jen.

"Not until I do your hair."

My eyes bulged. "I'm going to Liam's place hours before you're going to get there."

Riza pissed herself laughing, and Jen just said, "trust me."

When I got in bed, I rang Liam. I Facetimed him. Maybe if he laughs at me now, he won't laugh at me when I'm there, which would break my heart. His reaction surprised me.

"Why are you wearing a scarf? Please tell me you didn't dye your hair." He looked devastated.

"And what if I did?" I asked.

"You would still be you. It wouldn't change anything." He sputtered.

"Nice save," I laughed.

"I think being a redhead suits you. It makes you a little different."

I told Liam it was to protect the pin curls so they don't frizz. "You don't have to worry about me dying my hair until I start going white. I've never died my hair. It's my natural colour."

Liam's lip twitched. "I've noticed." He said.

I could have died.

On Thursday morning, I skipped the gym for obvious reasons, showered carefully so as not to wet my hair and started to get ready. I packed my bag and packed a bag for Perrin with his bed, crate, and food. I did a quick run through the shops to the dressmaker to pick the dress up from the dressmaker and to buy underwear for the dress. I didn't need a bra, but I wasn't going without underpants.

In the morning, I pottered, waiting for lunchtime to arrive and for Liam to finish his half-day at work. I was so jittery I had dropped my coffee this morning, and the mug had smashed. Not having anything to do and waiting for hours made it all worse. I had to do something, so I painted my nails and watched Kill Bill Vol. 1.

The story took me over, and soon I was transported with the action and exceptional dialogue. I decided the only person who could convince me to be an actor would be Quentin. I even went and got out my "Written and Directed by Quentin Tarantino" hoodie for added comfort. When it was over, I did feel a little better and whistling the song from the movie, I got Perrin and went to Liam's.

By the time I got to Liam's house, the nerves had come back. I found it hard to concentrate and almost just walked Perrin into the backyard. I sighed and put Perrin on his leash and texted Liam that I was here, and walked to the park with Perrin. We had planned a way to introduce the dogs during the week. The snag was I had agreed to it before I knew about the hair situation. But I found an old bucket hat of Andy's that fit and hid most of my head. I still felt ridiculous, but at least the hat somewhat normal.

When I saw Liam, my heart leapt. I wanted to run to him, have him hold me, soothe away all the pain of the last week and fear of tonight. But we had to introduce the dogs first.

We walked to each other as Perrin and Cole had a little sniff of each other. There was no immediate dislike.

"Hello, Sweetheart." His voice took my breath away.

"Hi," I said.

"Cute hat."

"Arse." I was smiling, though.

"I've missed you," he smiled broadly.

I gave him a small smile.

Liam farrowed his eyebrows. "These two look like they are ok," he said. "Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

I nodded, and Liam leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before we started to walk. We went side by side, keeping the dogs apart. Liam put his arm around my shoulder.

"You're very quiet this afternoon," he said after a few minutes.

"I'm nervous."

"About the dogs or tonight?" He asked. "Or something else?"

"Tonight." I felt like a petulant child with all these short remarks, but I couldn't give him anymore just yet. I let my head rest on his shoulder to try to let him know he wasn't the reason I was acting distant.

Liam squeezed me. "You'll be ok. You're going to be dressed beautifully and appropriately. No one is going to laugh at you. You'll see. Myra and Boyd are all excited to meet you. This is Myra's boyfriends first red carpet, too, so you won't be the only virgin." He paused and chuckled. "Although, I had better keep you two apart. He's a sparky? I think that's the word. I don't want him stealing you away from me. I know how much you love tradies."

I laughed. Liam had said all the right things in a few moments, and I felt calm again. At least calm enough that I can have a conversation. "Thanks, Liam," I said and kissed his cheek.

We walked for about half an hour. The dogs walked together for a bit. Perrin, being so old, was pretty laid back about the whole thing and Cole, while curious, just seemed happy to be making a new friend.

When we got back to Liam's house, we let them leashes off, and Perrin had a sniff around the yard. Cole either followed behind him or bounced around in front of him as if he were saying, "come look at this place over here."

While Perrin explored, Liam stood behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes a moment, listening to the sounds of the city.

"You're such a good hugger," I told Liam as I turned around in his arms and put my arms around his neck. I buried my face into his shirt, seeking his warmth and familiar scent.

"A compliment. From you? With no sarcasm?" Liam teased. "It must be my lucky day."

"Just shut up and kiss me," I said, and I lifted my head to meet his. Our kisses were soft at first, but they became more than that very quickly.

Liam pulled away and said, "we aren't alone. Ryan is here." Liam suggested that Ryan stay with the dogs while we were out. He would be back on Sunday and Monday, too, to take Cole for a walk and play.

I sighed. "Riza will be here soon anyway. We better get these guys inside and settled."

We took the dogs inside and got them set up. Then and I met Ryan, who was working in Liam's study. I don't know what I expected from Ryan, but a Scottish Hercules was not it. He was at least as large as Liam, had dark hair and green eyes and although he paled in comparison to Liam, he was handsome and instantly likeable.

We shook hands, and he said, "it's nice to meet you, Lana. I've heard a lot about you, so it's nice to put a face to the name." His accent was noticeable but not thick, and he spoke with a confident calmness that must be essential in his job. He doesn't mention or look at my scarf, which is a relief. I smiled and said, "Same. I keep hearing all these names, so it's nice to meet finally."

Liam gets me to put Ryans number in my phone. He said I should call Ryan if I need to contact him if he's not reachable while filming. I look at Ryan, and he nods as he says, "it's my job."

I do it, but I roll my eyes. He's not my assistant.

We let Ryan get back to work, and we go out to my car to bring my stuff in. By the time I've set up Perrin's things and sorted out my put my bags away, Riza and Jen arrive.

Liam opened the door for them, and Riza stood stunned for a moment. "Damn, you're built like a brick shithouse." Riza was very petite, half a head shorter than me, so you'd think she'd be used to everyone being bigger than her.

Liam, bless his cotton socks, laughed and put his hand out. "You must be Riza."

Riza took his hand, "yeah, mate, how's it going?" Liam stood aside to let her come in. She was hauling a massive makeup case, and Liam offered to take it for her. I thought she would bristle at his offer, but instead, she just gave it to him.

I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head, indicating my surprise. She just shrugged and gave me a strange look, and looked straight back at him. Riza is a pocket rocket type and prefers to be seen as one of the boys a lot of times. Andy even invited her to his bucks weekend despite her being my maid of honour, so the whole interaction was unusual.

Jen came in and introduced herself to Liam, and it was a much more civilised exchange than Riza's.

I gave them both hugs and kisses on the cheek. "Thanks for doing this, Jen and you too, Riza."

"No worries," Riza said.

Liam offered them both some wine and looked at me to see if I wanted one. I agreed, and we all sat in the lounge room.

Riza grabbed my hand when Liam had his back turned, "Sorry Lans, I think I got star struck. I'm a fucking dickhead."

Jen and I laughed at her, and I said, "serves you right for taking the piss out of me last night."

Liam came back with glasses and a bottle of white wine and poured us all a drink before taking a seat next to me. He sat next to me, resting his arm on the lounge behind me and put his ankle on his knee. His foot bounced, and I looked at him, and it struck me that he was anxious.

I put my hand on his foot to soothe him and turned to Riza and said, "did I tell you that Liam planned a trip to Mt Hotham this winter? I think it was June? Queens Birthday weekend? Before your Mum comes. Anyway, Riza, you spent a few winters there. Got any ideas for some good runs?"

That was it, the two of them talked about skiing, and the tension in the air lifted. I even swapped seats with Riza and sat with Jen for a bit. Once I could tell Liam and Riza were comfortable with each other, I asked Liam where Jen could set up.

Liam said to go to the master on the third, and he went to get up to take us there. I told him Jen, and I could be fine, and he smiled at me and kept talking to Riza. Jen and I smiled at each other and went up to get ready.

Part 19

#original character #original fiction #romantic story #happy ever after

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tamiddyinyourcity · 3 years

Text

1:47pm.

I feel bad cutting him off.

Thursday, October 29th of 2020.

I guess I just hate that there's always gonna be guilt in me for a little while, from the way I'm going about cutting him off.

He said he liked how we were vibing over text and was enjoying the casual conversation and banter.

But I was still always initiating. Or waiting. And he really wouldn't reach out, at all.

He worked a lot more now; his schedule changed, again. He got upgraded to keyholder at his job. Making more money, doing more tasks, and also doing much more work. Even has an extra hour of work most days, and was having a hard time doing multiple things or enough for himself recently.

I hope he is doing okay.

I wasn't.

.....

I don't know. Too much has happened. I hate having talks back and forth over whether he manipulated me during the relationship or not, or was targeting me, or what. I don't have time to overthink about how he's refused to watch The Boys ever since the last time he saw me. I don't have time to th....

.....

Okay, I'm crying. I've gotta make time to grieve the relationship and fully process things to avoid holding resentment with him.

So, things I miss:

The way he made alfredo. He used angel hair noodles for some reason, and was really good at making it nice and creamy with chunks of chicken and little bits of sliced asparagus in it.

The way he'd see any area of exposed skin on me, and decide to kiss me every few seconds on any part of my body while I spoke to him. Him laying ontop of me, kissing my shoulder, my neck, my forehead, my chest, knee, inner thigh. A sweet guy, truly.

How he was really really really really bad at making steaks. Don't get me wrong, I still ate the charred black soy sauce marinated bricks of shit with just as much enthusiasm and a smile as him serving me severely red raw steak. (I almost puked, though, since it was unswallowable and got stuck in my throat.) But you've gotta admit, the plating skills were very impressive.

Being able to cuddle up against them. When we got back together the second time, I recall how they laid ontop of me, arms wrapped around me, just gently kissing me. I don't recall the exact words, but.... "I felt really bad hurting you. And I feel really happy that you're back".... then they smiled. "And now I get to make it up to you." *A quick and hard smooch of joy from him.*

Our first date. I didn't even expect things to go anywhere with him. He was cute, a little funny looking. (Something about his face is...... weird. The wide nostrils and invisible lips are definitely a factor. And his eyes are big as shit. He looked like a fuckin elf. Luckily, i always liked elves in the movies.) But I had a nice time, and we still got to joke around a bit. He left the date earlier to go see someone else, and felt fucking terrible about it, so he promised he'd make it up to me. He was impressive though, getting me all that food for the first date.

His ass. That's a valid reason. Slim thick boyfriend?

That time in a sex shop he saw me put a male g-spot toy in the cart, instantly picked it up like "N o !", walked away for like two to three minutes.... then came back and bought it anyway. If I loosely recall his words, "You bring out something adventurous in me." Or "You make me feel adventurous/want to try new things." A sweetie. I never did get to do it, sadly. He had those CLAPPERS.

Golden Gate Park, where we had first met.

That time after the Drive In Movie, where we followed a stray cat around its neighborhood. And I got to tease him a bit with mildly exhibitionist stuff. It was so hot, and I still remember the grin he had on his face from that night.

That time he made a super sweet pancake/french toast breakfast for me. Awww.

The time I passed out in his lap from the sugar crash. He fell asleep folded up ontop of me too, it was adorable. Lazing around, casually sprawled on his unconscious girlfriend. It's precious waking up and seeing your big ass nostril havin ass pale ass weird funny looking ass grown ass boyfriend comfortably (or.... he looked weird he literally did a 90 degree angle where everything above the hips slid to the left) and had his hands on my arms, holding me... it was so wholesome. I guess he got tired too and decided that was a way to cuddle without me being moved.

....

I still love him, yes.

But, I don't like waiting for love.

Ask Patrick #2. It took awhile to transition from the lies he did and the punches I threw, into being almost normal again. But, I knew he was still purposely restricting.

The same guy who knew damn well he was forcing his emotions down and saw no hope in us was sad to see me leave him for doing what he had wanted; you can only push someone away for so fucking long, until eventually you're the one being tripped over your own feet when the person leaves faster than you push.

I have no regrets about leaving Patrick #2. He was a coward, a loser, and a liar with people pleasing insecurities and no backbone whatsoever.

I have no regrets about leaving Patrick #1. He was a dipshit, a whore, and was more likely to be butt naked in bed with a random sorority girl while ignoring my texts. If you ignore a girl long enough, she gets a fuckin boyfriend. He made it clear he was getting intimate with others and had no time for me! So the nerd with the glasses and the thick hips had taken his place. And it was better than anything. So yeah.

And I don't regret leaving Blaze. I told him I loved him and he was silent. I kissed him and he didn't notice. We fucked and I stopped orgasming. The dates had stopped. He started being stingy. Uncreative, unsupportive, lazy and bland. He's a dipshit.

So I left.

I wanna say the n word so bad, (not as a slur, its just hailed as one of the most aggressive and vile words in my mind and i think of vile words when enduring vile situations,) because thats the level of irritation i feel whenever someone who openly avoids resolving problems or communicating, gets shocked that yes..... people will leave you for it.

me: hey that really hurts and u cant just keep hurting me when u feel like it in a relationship

A man: Ha, I'll just do whatever i want >:) whatever you find unamusing or hurtful doesn't matter if I'M not affected! I'm never a dick for doing what i feel like!

me: *leaves to do whatever i want and also become unaffected by bullshit they put me through*

that same man: oh you fucking DICK you cant just DO WHATEVER YOUD LIKE

me: im never a dick for doing what i feel like lol ur thoughts over what u find hurtful or unamusing will never affect me any more

3:30pm.

So here we are.

Self progress.

God bless and amen.

Will probably buy Ferrerro Rocher while I'm out. And more sanitizer with another necklace. God bless and peace out yalls.

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