#anyway! my personal experience is that it has the word disorder for a reason and also it sucks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pineappleciders · 1 year

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heyy first of all its me the fucked up dream anon (now going by dream anon how original) second of all ive decided im going to learn about south park purely through your work so can i get some tweek (ive latched onto that boy) and whoever else you want (probably the main boys) with a reader (all platonic ofc) who's got that #anxiety? thanks even if you dont do it <33

🌌🌟/dream anon

main 4 + tweek with a reader who has anxiety; platonic headcanons

A/N: haii :3 i apologize if this like, distorts your vision of the characters or something. i am so glad you are being converted to the religion of tweek!!!!!!

TRIGGER WARNING: anxiety disorders, light mental health topics, paranoia, panic/anxiety attacks, death mention on kennys part

stan marsh

i think stan has a normal amount of anxiety. like he's so regular. he's your average joe

like he gets anxious over tests, and giving speeches, and over wendy. other than that he doesn't experience it to the extent of a disorder

so it might be a little difficult for him to imagine getting anxious over simple things like ordering food and stuff like that

he'll try his best to listen though, although he'll probably try to kinda reason with you, esp if you're feeling paranoid or something

"dude, i checked twice, it's locked. relax, man."

he'll try to distract you, by playing games and watching stuff, and just generally kinda trying to be funny to take your mind off of things

if you're having a panic/anxiety attack, he kinda panics too at first, before quickly pulling you away and asking what's wrong. he is sweating very hard

if you're unresponsive, he tries to stay calm but is honestly considering calling an ambulance. like he thinks you're having a stroke

"shit, a panic attack? uh, okay, errr.... take deep breaths, okay? in.. and out. in.. and out. okay, that's good.."

he looks up grounding techniques on his phone and relays them to you until you calm down and catch your breath. he like sends you images off of google of the 5 senses technique randomly and says he figured you'd need it someday

he tries to keep your anxiety in mind, and might slip up sometimes, but for the most part he tries to be careful with his words and actions as to not worry you. he shows his care in subtle ways!!

kyle broflovski

he tries to kinda. logic it out a bit. like if you're feeling insecure he tells you how unrealistic it is for someone to think about one random passerby's appearance forever

he does feel bad though. he doesn't completely understand, but whenever he's feeling insecure he tends to get really anxious about people at school

he usually gets anxious whenever he's doing something wrong or sneaking out. like he's actually sweating and shitting his pants thinking about what his mom will do to him if she finds out

he'll encourage you to order food for yourself, to get yourself out there more, and if you succeed he'll pat your shoulder and smile a lil

if you don't want to, he might dramatically sigh but he'll do it anyways. cuz he knows how hard it is

i do think he'd get a little anxious about asking workers for help and stuff, but he'll be the bigger person... he supposes... smh my head...

when you have an panic attack for the first time, he's like really confused and gets super concerned that you're having a heart attack, and pulls his phone out to dial your parents or 911

"i'm here for you dude! listen- hey, listen to me. it's okay. can- can you-"

he tries to talk to you to de-escalate it, but he gives up and has his hand on your back, while looking up what the fuck to do

'friend havign panjc atgack what to do'

if you're okay with it, he probably talks to your parents about it. he doesn't really trust himself to be able to always calm you down, so he encourages getting outside/professional help

he does try though, and he'll always be there for you in different ways!! like when you need help with something or just need company to distract you, he's at ur door with his xbox 360

eric cartman

you can tell that eric gets a little uncomfortable if you're freaking out or feeling anxious. whether it's because he actually feels bad or just doesn't know how to handle your emotions, you'll never know

but either way, he'll probably just like. sit next to you like "dude, what's up with you?" or in other cases he'll sneakily slip out of the room unseen

he does try to be kinda logical about it, but that's solely because he physically can't speak words of comfort.

"i mean, dude, be seriously. nobody cares about you that much to notice." you speak such kind words eric!!

he doesn't really like it when things get serious, so he'll generally try to transition the situation into something more casual. like he'll try to ease your (his) mood by getting snacks and playing games together, or even begging his mom to take you both to KFC

if you have a panic attack, all of his alarms are blaring and his brain is screaming flight!!!!! flight!!!! run the fuck away!!!!

and he probably tries to, but when you notice him and call his name he physically deflates

he awkwardly turns around and slowly strolls over. "Y/N... heeeeeeey... what's up... duuude..." you can hear the strain in his voice

if it gets to be too much, as in you won't stop hyperventilating or can't breathe, he'll probably alert an adult or take you to the nurse or something. he tells himself it's because he doesn't want to be a suspect of your death

if ur having trouble ordering food he'll gladly take ur place and make a scene to get all eyes on him. "erm excuthe me they athed for no pickleth🤓"

other than when you're voicing your anxiety, he probably treats you the same. i don't really think he'd take advantage of your anxiety unless you were like. butters or heidi or something and he was really trying to get you to do something for him or just trying to. stick himself in your mind. because he's a narcissist and he loves that!!

kenny mccormick

he doesn't relate necessarily, but he definitely understands.

he lives a lot of his life in fear of his next death, and is constantly praying it be quick and painless

kenny is more of a reserved fella, but not really shy or anxious. so if you're having trouble speaking up or ordering something he'll step up and do it gladly!!

i think he'd be pretty decent at comforting. like he'll pat his hand on your back and speak assuring, muffled words

"mm, mmph mmph mmmph! mmph mph mph mmmfmf mmf mph mph mmph!" (aww, it'll be okay. i'll walk you every step of the way, buddy!)

he tries to take your emotions into consideration more, and grabs your hand and squeezes it sometimes if you need a boost of confidence. sometimes he forgets your anxiety and says something rude and feels really bad about it

when you're having a panic attack, he's honestly really scared and expects you to start foaming at the mouth or something

he'll hesitate, but he'll pat your back and try to help you with grounding techniques. the 5-4-3-2-1 in particular is his favorite, and he'll tell you how to do it in like a rlly sweet and calming voice

he's still spooked though, and gets you a water bottle and like a washcloth. he's incredibly thankful you aren't dying or anything

kenny is very good at comforting! sometimes all it takes is a simple moment of eye contact and seeing his eyes crinkle that gives you a surge of calmness you didn't know you needed

tweek tweak

tweek is no outsider to anxiety and stress. he's literally a living beehive with all that damn vibrating

to anyone else, it would seem like tweek had a severe anxiety disorder, or even ADHD. but it turns out it's just a result of his crippling meth addiction and caffiene overdoses

he tries to think about what craigs taught him, about grounding techniques and how to handle a panic attack, and tries to apply those for you

he's shakily take your hand and wrap you in a blanket, making you hot cocoa and helping you slowly come back to your senses

"okay, okay, what are 5 things you can touch? or- no- AGH! was it 5 things you see- hear? no, ACK! i can't remember!"

most of the time if you're feeling on-edge about something, his main goal will be to just listen to you talk and validate your feelings. he doesn't really make it a point to give you advice or try to be logical, unless you directly ask for it

he's great at listening!!! he also doesn't trust his own advice enough to say it to someone else.

he really tries to think hard about what comforts him when he's anxious, and so he tries to use the tactics for you. for instance, he tries to help you get into a hobby like painting to have a bit more control over yourself

hc that tweek loves to draw with crayons so he'll make little drawings of you and him as stick figures being all happy and give them to you. as a treat

overall he is very attentive, and cares a lot. he tries his very best to be there for you, and a lot of the time that results in you two just hanging out or gaming together, so you can both get your mind off of things for a while. it makes him happy to be able to be there for someone else like craig was for him

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sophieinwonderland · 3 months

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H-hey,,, i-i'm on anon because this is very e-embarassing to ask for... b-but i found this v-very long post basically fakeclaiming a lot of systems online and claiming that being plural is a trend. T-they also said that pluralkit is anti-recovery and a bunch of other stuff. I-i feel destroyed inside and I know i should not care about haters that much, b-but i was wondering if you can respond to the post in some way, by debunking it i-or maybe just saying that it is not valid. I-i understand if you cannot do this and i wouldn't be mad at you, i just thought that i might try. /gen

This is the post: https://www.tumblr.com/nbhdsc4ss/742946435586277376/im-tired-of-this-boom-of-plural-trend?source=share

Yikes! That's such a terrible post!

Alright, let's go over this.

First, just another reminder that if 1.5% of people have DID as is estimated, over a hundred-million people in the world should have the disorder.

Just on this alone, I find fad claims to be nonsense. We aren't actually seeing anywhere near the numbers of people with DID online who should have it. And that's without touching other forms of multiplicity.

This is an incredibly unhealthy outlook.

A system shares their life. The life doesn't belong to any single headmate. Hosts can change over time. And many systems don't really have a true "core." The very concept of the core is largely outdated.

What?

I think this post is killing my neurons! I can feel my brain cells dying as we speak! 🙄

Anyway, just in case anyone was worried this might be true. It's not. I don't know what they're talking about. There's nothing about switching killing neurons anywhere.

As far as I can tell, any association with cerebral palsy is also made up.

Honestly, I could spend eons unpacking the misinformation in this paragraph alone.

I made this blog back in 2021.

The Plural Association was founded in 2020.

"Endogenic system" was coined in 2014.

The Natural Multiples movement dates back to the 90s.

And "system" has been in the vocabular of all these groups since even the beginning.

And while it's not quite a medical term, it does at least originate in medical contexts. The only difference is that the plural community uses it as an identity label for plurals while most academic sources refer to a personality system as something everyone has, with the personality system of multiples being composed of dissociated parts. (Sometimes called "subsystems" in DID literature to denote alters being personality systems within personality systems.)

Words make communication easier.

Calling a headmate an "introject" is easier that referring to them as a headmate based on a source.

Also, blurring and blending generally mean that multiple headmates are, well, blending together. It's hard to know who is fronting because there are multiple headmates who feel like they're mixing, and it makes it confusing.

But another reason for not knowing who is fronting could be a sort of autopilot like in DPDR. Differentiating between these experiences is useful.

Wait... Affection between alters is anti-recovery?

You know, this really puts the earlier lines about non-host alters stealing the life of the host into perspective.

Not only does this draw a picture of an adversarial relationship between alters, but they're treating that adversarial relationship as being good for recovering, and feeling affection for them as a bad thing.

This is possibly the most harmful take I've ever seen.

As for the rest of it, subsystems (as we use the term) are just headmates more closely linked. I've never heard anyone phrase it as an alter having DID. But I guess I can see the parallel. And again, splits and switches don't damage braincells. Having a bigger system isn't going to make the "days of the body count down."

Wait... weren't you just claiming switching literally kills neurons? I mean, I agree that alters can't permanently die (under normal circumstances) but this feels kinda contradictory.

As for having different disorders, this depends a lot on the disorder. By and large, I believe any condition that can be psychogenic can be experienced by some alters and not others.

But what conditions could be psychogenic would probably surprise you. Look at the woman who had some blind alters and some sighted alters.

Polyfragmented systems were traditionally systems with upwards of 100 alters. (And "highly complex" isn't a medical term.)

And again, splitting and switching doesn't kill neurons. Having a bunch of alters isn't going to kill you! Nor will it allow your rights to be stripped and get you forcefully institutionalized against your will so you can be studied like a lab rat!

Why would you just assume the doctors are misdiagnosing you though?

I mean, typically, DID is incorrectly diagnosed as other disorders far more often than you have people be incorrectly diagnosed with DID.

Again, there's this disturbing emphasis on the alters existing for the host and being bad for wanting things of their own, which bring back to mind their assertion that affection between alters is anti-recovery.

And I just... feel really bad for the other alters in this system. This is just so... sad...

If they're not real kids, then what's wrong with them being on the internet?

I mean, yeah, all alters need pronouns. If any identify as a different gender, it's important to have pronouns for them so you know what to refer to them by. Why is this controversial? 🤷‍♀️

And what does the part about alters becoming useless mean?

Talk therapy isn't magic. Yes, it can help to speak to a professional, but I don't understand the view that it's impossible to fuse without seeing a therapist.

Oh, and the line about how "knowing things about another alter is impossible" is nonsense too. Most DID systems don't have total amnesia all the time every time they switch. And many who do experience amnesia can still communicate. They can learn about their alters by asking. And even ones who don't communicate internally can learn to communicate through notes and text!

...

Yeah... this post is just... so... so... SO bad. In every way! Just mountains upon mountains of harmful takes and misinformation!

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #psychiatry #psychology #multiplicity #sysblr #system #systems #system discourse #actually a system

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kaaaaaaarf · 20 days

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Posting this behind a cut in case you don't feel like listening to me ramble about what it means to have bipolar ii and be a fic writer.

Being a fic writer with bipolar has turned out to be a weird experience. I certainly can't speak for every person with bipolar disorder, but this is what it's been like for me:

I can't write well unless I'm hypo-manic. When I'm having a "normal" day, my writing doesnt flow. I can't think of obvious words—but when I'm in it, I can pop out an entire chapter in a matter of days—and the fuck of it is, often it's even good.

But see, even though I intellectually know that this only happens when I'm manic, when I'm in it? Game off. I am flying high and often don't even realize it. It takes a certain amount of determination to stay in the "zone" for enough consecutive days to get something completed, and this only feeds the mania.

So, I will push through the week I'm feeling inspo, ignoring my responsibilities, forgetting to take care of myself and then—it's posted. The high of completing something usually lasts for half a day before I crash and fall straight into the depression pit.

It happens nearly every time I post a fic, and I'm so ill prepared anyways. I still can't go back and read hatefuck two because I wrote it in a manic frenzy, and then the next day, I experienced the worst dip of depression in a long, long while. There are a few reasons why I can't read it to be honest, but a lot of it is that I associate that fic with that dark day.

Everything is clearer the day after, when the mania subsides, and the shame you feel for being manic is nearly inescapable. I become convinced that whatever I wrote is terrible and that I should quit writing all together.

So, right now I feel like shit, and I'm mad at myself for being excited about something. I'm embarrassed that it means so much. I'm terrified because if I lost the ability to do this I would be lost.

Anyways, just going to continue to spiral, wish me luck.

#edit:#didnt mean to post this whoops #i stand by it tho #normally this doesnt happen with short bsides or one shots but apparently it did this time

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thebumblebeesystem · 5 months

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(Spoilers for the Endwalker magical ranged role quest)

So, I'm finally working on the Endwalker mage quests. And I did not expect to have a "wow, this reads different as a DID (dissociative identity disorder) system" moment during them. I figured I'd post about it because I know a lot of systems don't talk about their experiences with playing ffxiv, for good reason - we often get taunted, threatened, etc. quite a bit when we go public. That hasn't happened to me yet, thankfully - the ffxiv community has been kind to me about it. And every time I post, I get comments from systems who are glad I spoke up. So I'll keep doing it.

Anyway, the moment was this one - when Vaindreau was trying to answer the seemingly simple question of what his name was.

Long before I knew I was a system, I had multiple name changes as an adult. Every time I'd go through something big or traumatic, I'd feel like I changed so much that I became a different person, and my old name didn't feel like it fit anymore. This seemed completely normal to me, despite never having met anyone else who changed their name repeatedly like this. And now I know why I did it. These were host changes.

For the unfamiliar, when I say "host" I mean like dinner party host. The host is the system member (my system's word for "alter") who is around constantly and manages most things. Other system members come to and from the dinner party table (called "co-fronting" or "co-conscious," depending on what they do while at the table). But the host is always there.

When a new host in my system asks themself a seemingly simple question - what do I want people to call me? - there are many options. "So many names, swirling in my mind, and voices that reject them." It took us weeks to settle on our latest name of Bee, a few months ago. Different system members came to and from the table, giving their input. We took occasional polls of our system depending on who was around. It was a big group decision.

But that's how it went as a self-aware system. In the past, when we didn't know we were a system? When we didn't know that each individual voice in our head was a real person, with their own name and personality and likes and dislikes and all? We reacted exactly like Vaindreau did in this scene. What is my name? Why are so many names racing through my mind? Why can't I settle on one of them? Why can't I answer such a simple question?

And then the asker gets impatient - can you tell me your name or not? Either you remember your name or you don't. Everyone's got one, whether they got it at birth or they changed it later, so what's yours? I don't know. I don't know, because my mind can't agree on one. And so, to stop the odd stares and repeated questions, I'd spit out the first name that felt the most... passable. The one that the voices didn't object to, or perhaps, the one that the least amount of voices objected to. It didn't feel quite right. Quite accurate. Quite... complete. But an answer was expected of me, and so I gave one.

We've learned, over time. Our system is called "the bumblebee system," because each of us in the system is like a fluffy bumble bee flying from flower to flower... and occasionally slamming into a window, repeatedly, and being really confused about it. When someone calls us "Bee," they're referring to either all the bees in the system or to one or a few specific bees, depending on the context. Bee is a catch-all, inclusive name. Our past names (like B'Elarra, which was my name when most of you met me) were the name of the host only, while the other system members went largely unspoken to. Choosing the name of Bee this time was our way of correcting that.

Anyway. This isn't my first time having a "wow, this reads different as a DID system" moment while playing this game. Two others that come to mind are Fray and Ardbert - especially the way that fanfic writers often write them. So many of you have written amazingly good accidental system representation and didn't even know it. Maybe I'll talk about this sometime, too. But for now... I just wanted to get this out of my (ha) system.

(Pardon any typos, missing words, etc. I proofread this a few times, but I have a migraine and words are hard.)

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #endwalker spoilers

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goorehound · 1 year

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this is solely me rambling about social anxiety, adhd and König. nothing exciting sorry folks!

König’s social anxiety - my thoughts

okay so firstly my qualifications here; I am diagnosed with social anxiety, generalized anxiety and ADHD. (I didn’t end up getting into his adhd at all oops)

i just want to speak to like the experience of being a grown man with mainly social anxiety, because idk I see some posts that just feel upsetting to read? like people complaining about certain ways König is written?

like I do agree that he is not some blushing little uwu babygirl kitten (bc you know he is in fact an adult and in the fucking military), but I’ve never actually seen anyone write him as that. I think what gets me are the complaints about people actually writing him with traits of social anxiety, which he canonically has, and kind of treating it like writing him that way makes him seem weaker? Or less dominant? Or like uhh less of a man? There’s a chance I’m just taking this super personally for no reason but I’m gonna ramble about it anyway.

Just because someone has a stutter due to anxiety, or blushes due to anxiety, or gets embarrassed easily due to anxiety, that’s not a sign of weakness? Or of submissiveness?

Personally for me a huge thing with my social anxiety is getting embarrassed and feeling embarrassed. I will go to extreme lengths to avoid being embarrassed. I turn bright fucking red and I will stumble over my words and I will shut down if I feel like I’m embarrassing myself or have been humiliated by something. That’s not because I’m a soft uwu little subby bottom, that’s not because I’m a weak guy, my traits of anxiety are not anything to do with strength or dominance or that shit. It’s just because I have a fuckin disorder that has me react intensely to certain social situations. Does that make sense? I’m losing the plot a bit here. I know there’s a point I’m trying to make but I can’t seem to make it.

Treating social anxiety traits like a shameful thing to have, especially acting like it’s unattractive in a grown man or pathetic for a grown man to exhibit traits of their disorder is fucked up.

It’s hurtful. It sucks to read that. No, König is not going to show traits of his anxiety 100% of the time. Yes, people with social anxiety can be confident in some scenarios. But let’s just quickly remember this part of his cod wiki;

Severe social anxiety throughout his life. As in ongoing. Not just in childhood. He didn’t just “get over it” and suddenly become confident. Throughout his life he suffered from severe social anxiety. That means yes. He likely is pretty quiet. He likely does blush. He likely does get embarrassed easily. He likely does stumble over his words. There are things that he probably doesn’t do often (if at all) because of his anxiety. He probably still is anxious even around his partners. Hell dude sometimes I get so anxious around my boyfriend of about a year that I physically cannot speak.

Anyway idk. This shit just been rubbing me the wrong way lately and I wanted to give my two cents lol. This might not stay up long unless it hella resonates w people but yeah!!

TLDR;

Don’t be a dick. Don’t shame people with disorders for exhibiting symptoms. Even if you think those symptoms are unfitting for a 6’10” military man. It’s fucking rude.

If social anxiety symptoms are a turn off for you don’t simp after people who canonically suffer from severe social anxiety.

#konig mw2 #cod mwii #könig

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firefly-sky · 19 days

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100% agree with your ED post, considering how he makes dramatic changes to himself whenever he feels there is something wrong with him, like World Wide Privacy Tour, where he tried to change himself from clothes to personality to make appear more laid back (or mentally stronger in his words) when he felt his friends didn’t like those aspects about him in the episode, so it would make sense if he felt there was something wrong with his weight, that he would do everything he felt would make it idle in his eyes (though unfortunately a lot with ed’s don’t ever see that :( )

Also when you said he would be scared of not maintaining his body even after he was more satisfied with it, I honestly felt that, as someone who was chubby as a kid and criticised for it, then lost a lot of weight as a teenager, I was also scared of gaining weight again so I would also skip meals if I felt I didn't eat right (along with other stuff).

(also, sorry for being so venty over here and dumping this information about myself on you, what you said was just really relatable to me)

Anyway, I love your takes and I hope you have a lovely day!

tw: eating disorder

hey. you’re okay. i hope you’re doing better now, first of all. second of all; i kinda based it off of my own experiences too where i was afraid of not being able to maintain a “perfect” body. to the point i resorted to some things too. so i did kinda base it off my own experiences and i also like to do my research before making such a bold(?) take because i like to make it as accurate as possible. but yeah. i have seen some fics where people portray kyle as someone who would be obsessed with his appearance and in some more desperate measures, he takes really bold action, in a way.

i do kinda think that it stemmed from his middle school days. i headcanon that kyle was really thin? like he just ended up being really tall and lanky with no visible muscle mass (not discrediting him because he was strong but looking at him you wouldn’t know it? so at first he wanted to gain weight so he didn’t look so thin. so in the beginning it was a lot of binging. and then when he finally stopped growing and he did gain weight he was thrilled. but then he never really saw himself as like ‘oh i’m heavier because of muscle because i exercise’ but more like ‘i’m fat now’ kind of way. i don’t think hanging out with cartman made it easier. i don’t think he would be chubby per se? but looking at pics of him in eighth grade cs pics of him in say the end of freshman year he was noticably kinda heavier? not chubby but not like a stick figure either. and sheila also was probably no help. she’s probably load him with the whole ‘oh kyle, you’ve finally got some meat on your bones!’ type comments and eventually he kinda just snapped.

he probably kept some sort of diary and tracked what he was eating. likely in his phone in a locked note so nobody could find it. he honestly probably ended up tracking his calories that he took in vs the calories he burned and he would probably be out late at night if he didn’t seem he had enough exercise. after a while he started skipping meals if he didn’t eat something he seemed healthy. he gets help in the end but he ends up staying like this throughout most of high school. up until graduation i’d argue. eating disorders are no joke; they can last a while. he started getting help in college. he never told his mom. he knew it would break her heart so he just never told her. i also don’t think him being arguably the person with the most presence on social media helps.

it’s another reason i like to headcanons him as a child psychologist in the future. he wants to prevent the things he went through. i know oftentimes stan is seen as the one with the most ‘angst potential’ but looking at kyle it’s pretty clear he has some potential too. it’s honestly probably something i’ll incorporate into future works, like comics and such.

thank you for the lovely wishes. ditto <3

#south park #skipper speaks #kyle broflovski #anon #answered #i hope you’re doing okay now anon #if you want to talk i’m here #asks

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poindexters-labratory · 1 month

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Uhhhm, vent, I guess? I'm just trying to put my feelings into words because it bridges that gap between my thoughts and verbalizing.

Um, there's a bit of a breakdown, and I start talking to myself. Also, talking about emotional trauma. I just kinda wanted to get out somewhere. Sorry to use a public platform, but I don't really have a safe person to rely on.

I'm a very slow thinker. I always have been. I'm not witty or able to absorb information very quickly. I can pretend like I do, and it seems like I do, but my mannerisms and patterns of speech are a result of me desperately trying to keep up. Trying to keep my head above water.

My processing speed has always made me vulnerable. I can't keep up fast enough in open conversation when it comes to groups of people. On top of that, I have mild deafness in an ear on top of autism and ADHD, which makes audio processing extremely difficult. Over time, I've learned to become agreeable, easy to manage, and quiet.

But that life gets lonely. Listening in on conversations you'd like to be a part of, being the last one included, the last one invited, the last one considered, the first one abandoned. I wouldn't say that the experience has made me bitter or cold, but I do have some level of expected disappointment. And I get stressed when there's no attention put on me.

I've always been the kid who has been overlooked in class or at home. My family hardly knows what I want for my birthday, I don't have close friends, even when I like to say that everyone I talk with is my friend, I don't have a best friend. Everyone deserves to have a best friend, right?

It sucks to feel like I should apologize for being sensitive, for being quiet, for being naive, but I am. I feel like I'm no fun as a person. I'm literal, and we're living in an age where all our insecurities are hidden behind a layer of sarcasm and jokes that I just can't seem to wrap my head around. I'm easily scared by the jokes people say.

Not to mention traumatized from a life in an emotionally unstable environment. Terrified that if I made the tiniest mistake, the people around me would blow up in my face.

I weep for the child who learned how to open his school binder silently in class or hide in his room to avoid the potential of screaming downstairs.

The child who hid his entire personality for years to avoid conflict.

The child whose lost friend after friend, in every single location he's been to and left.

And I'm enraged. I had no other choice. And I'm scared. All my life, I've taught myself that if I just shut up, then no one will ever hurt me. If I just shut up, then I'll be safe from everyone.

"I'm too stupid for conversation anyway, I'm too slow to be a part of a group, to have a seat at the table, and I will finally be safe because the only things anyone has ever been interested in are shoving things that in the way and stepping on things that are too small."

That is a horrible thing for a child to convince himself of.

All of this is probably why I have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). I convince myself on especially bad days that I'm obviously just better even though I consciously know it not to be true, and everyone is jealous, and that's why no one is talking to you. I have this deep desire to be admired in impossible ways, and I struggle immensely when I have absolutely no attention.

I need people to love me. I shouldn't give a reason because if I was loved and given attention properly, then we would be here.

"Am I really that awful? I can't possibly be. I'm positively normal and well-mannered and polite. I'm almost too nice. Sickeningly sweet. If people see how good I can be, then there's no reason why they wouldn't want to be my friend, right?

But I don't want to be too overbearing. I don't want to be too chatty. People hate people who talk too much. Especially when they talk about the same thing for hours. Especially when they can't take the joke. Don't be so serious, don't be so concerned, just fade into the background, and be as unremarkable as possible.

But I'd like to be noticed. I want that attention. I want the attention for saying something, doing something. Make the conversation about me, talk to me. Please talk to me, don't you see me? Don't you know how cool and remarkable I am, I can do all these amazing things, and I know all this information. Won't you like me?"

I also expect people to read my mind because that's what I do for them. I wait and pray that someone will notice the person sitting in the corner by himself. It hasn't quite worked yet.

So, now I imagine myself sitting in a field surrounded by people rushing around me. And I'm waiting. I've been sitting in this field for a while, envious of the people who walk by with someone in tow. I would like to be someone's someone.

It would be a lie if I said I didn't think about it often. I'm not interested in romance, I just want someone to be silly with, who I'm safe with, who likes to fool around sometimes, who's just there with me. Hell, it doesn't have to be one person. I just love people. An extrovert who's all alone is so depressingly ironic.

I don't have the answers or the steps to find the answer, but I know that it will unfortunately take time. Life will continue, and I will continue it by myself until I fortunately don't have to anymore. Until I won't be alone anymore. I feel like it will take as much time as it needs to.

#vent post

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lastwave · 8 months

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Hello, if you have the energy, time and will, would you expand on the recent post you made on how people in fandom talk about the skills and how harry feels about them? Like, what kind of things people say are hurtful/inaccurate/uncomfortable, in relation to disco elysium?

I do not mean to pressure you to educate me on this topic, as it is not the responsibility of the affected to educate unknowing people just because they are affected, of course. I just have not found many sources discussing the microaggression regarding the way some people talk about the skillset in disco elysium and the way that they might differ from the general microsaggression about psychosis and systems.

I ask this because I am curious about the way other people experience the world (though I know I will not always get my curiosity sated and this might be a selfish reason) and I want to know what not to do or say in talks about the skillset or in depictions of the skillset in art or writing. I want to be able to discuss and use the skillset as a game mechanic, narrative device and characters in a way that minimizes harm to marginalized groups. I also know that venting or talking about frustrations can sometimes help make one feel better, (but I also know that that depends on the person, problem and the relationship between the venter and the person listening) so maybe this can help relieve some feelings? Those are my intentions with this ask.

I apologize if my careful wording is too overly careful or if this question in other ways causes you unnecessary strife. I just try to be a careful person when it comes to these topics. If you'd rather only respond to me personally instead of the ask, feel free to message me. Whatever way you wanna handle this, if it be publicly as a post, a private message or if you do not feel like you want to answer at all.

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best day that you can have today. Kind regards, Chromatophorium

hiii thank u for asking!

im gonna preface the system bit with whether or not harry & his skills are a system is never explicitly stated, so take this all with a grain of salt

the rest is under the readmore so i don't clog up peoples dashboards

so what gets me is a lot of works imply the skills are less as people than Harry. i understand where the assumption comes from tho, because a lot of media likes to purport the idea of an "original" alter, which isn't how the disorder works. harry is the current host, and he identifies with the body, but the host isn't any more or less person than the other alters.

& we know the skills have independent thought from harry and their own, even if some (or a lot) of them share similar goals (see electrochemistry and volition, two very different personalities w/ different thoughts on how to go about things, but share a goal of keeping the system experiencing joy, though echem has considerably worse coping mechanisms). hell, they even have different political affiliations (see different routes) and a method of coming to a consensus on information (thought cabinet.)

and, as implied in the name, the skills have different talents from harry. *harry's* talent is connecting with people. i interpret the red checks with other skills as trying to let another alter front. i know ive had moments where i've had to let a way more socially adept alter take over. this would be a slightly different conversation if he was implied to be polyfragmented, but hes not soo.

that's why im less inclined to believe theyre a delusion or supernatural thing (shivers excluded, shes definitely supernatural), bc on the most part the skills just act like people, and all display signs of did/osdd (amnesia, distinct personalities, dissociation, etc.) if u want i can make a separate post going into individual skills and how i think they fit how certain alters form, but thats off topic

ANYWAY. it irks me when people boil the skills down to "this is the one that wants good things and this is the one that wants silly things and this is the one that wants bad things" bc it really falls easily into the negative stereotypes applied to systems & by extension psychotic people

#morris #hugh txt #disco elysium

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monzterzack · 5 months

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i wanted to add more to that previous post, but a lot of people nowadays dont get what being autistic is like

its like failing every single social interaction, so you learn to copy successful ones from tv or the internet

its having a fucked up understanding of social rules, fucked up in the sense that you don’t seem to understand them until you play them through in your mind over and over again and it finally sets why they make sense

like, dont get me wrong, maybe no one can relate to what im describing, maybe im the only one that relates; but i have to replay scenarios over and over inside my head and through characters and situations to be able to rationalize them outside of “it gives you a higher score in being a good person”

its also a barrier in linguistics, i make up so many words that only make sense to me, i combine words all the time, i used to fail to communicate what i meant, and i got in trouble or upsetted people all around because what i want to convey and what my mouth says are two different things

its also a huge barrier in empathy, i either feel every single emotions or im unnable to relate at all, which sometimes makes me seem like a sociopath

its having insane insomnia fits, making me unnable to sleep, having to work through most days with half my tank in energy

its having an eating disorder because eating makes me feel nice, and since i cant properly regulate my emotions by nature, i end up overeating and making myself sick

its being isolated from most of the world, because you feel like no one gets you, and that you are so fundamentally weird that no one will ever get you

its so much more than just having strong interest!! its so much more complicated!!!

but yeah, i think social media has made it into just a flanderized version of what the experience truly is that most teens cannot differentiate it

and i get the why, society nowadays punishes you brutally for being weird, UNLESS you have a “get out of jail” card

so i do understand why people fixate so much in being diagnosed, because sometimes you might think that having a reason for your weird abnormal behavior will be enough to just indulge in it, without any guilt

let me tell you, it isn’t like that

i didnt asked to be diagnosed, i got refered by my psych after multiple sessions and my meds not working as intended

having the answer as to why im the way i am didn’t fix anything, because at the end of the day you have to find a way to fit inside society or endure eternal loneliness, you cannot force others to let you into their lives just cause you have a disorder

you will always need to be a social person if you want people to socialize with you

sometimes being weird is nice and you should indulge in it as long as you dont hurt anyone else or yourself!! you dont need an excuse, you just need to be strong enough to be weird for the sake of being weird!

im not saying to not get a diagnosis, you should get one if you feel the ACOMODATIONS will benefit you more than the drawbacks of having a diagnosis

i just think we should allow people to not be shamed for just being weird, because then obviously they will hang to anything that might be a useful way to defend themselves from cruelty, be it a diagnosis or something else

anyway, those were just my two cents

#ramble #autism

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sysmedsaresexist · 11 months

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ICD 11 and Boundaries With Normality

I saw something about this recently and I can’t find it now, so I’m going to write my own post

So a lot of people like to talk about this part of the ICD 11 as discussing endogenic plurality:

They say it uses the same wording-- “distinct personality states” for mediums and spiritual practitioners (that’s an important word, take note), as it does for DID.

But it doesn’t, really. It specifically calls DID states “distinct personality states (dissociated identities)” and other things “distinct personality states”. It’s a small difference that has a huge implication, because it’s not actually talking about what the person is experiencing, but what they are displaying.

Also, it continues on by referring specifically to DID as “dissociated identities” rather than distinct personality states, drawing a clear distinction between the two despite the initial wording and the claims surrounding it.

The point, though, is that it uses the example of mediums and spiritual practitioners because they’re making the distinction between internal and external “possessing” agents.

Specifically, they are referencing people that say they are, or appear to be, experiencing distinct external personality states.

Not endogenic plurals.

And we can see that, because further down, the ICD 11 also states:

Apparently everything is fine and dandy, right up until there’s internal agents involved.

And there’s plenty of research into mediums and DPTD. Probably just as much as there is for channeling and DID, and the ICD 11 is just as clear that cases of (external) possession that are not experienced adversely and occur within culturally accepted contexts should not be diagnosed with either disorder. Like mediums and spiritual practitioners living their best lives with their gifts and skills.

Anyways, there’s a reason they chose those two specific examples, and it doesn’t have anything to do with endogenic plurals.

Can we please stop trying to prove endogenic plurality using resources that clearly aren’t meant for that experience? Proving something is real doesn’t mean twisting facts about something that’s already controversial and misunderstood.

The ICD 11 or the DSM 5 not talking about endognic plurality is actually perfectly okay, you don’t need to twist it to try to support your point. It’s just not talking about that, positively or negatively. Plain and simple.

That’s not helping anyone, or either side.

#syscourse #debunk #icd 11

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iloveschiaparelli · 12 hours

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My issues with this post:

[Image ID: Tumblr post by @/Correllian with a picture of a blue gradient with white text that says "It's not neurotypical or neurodivergent. It's vanilla or neurospicy." The caption says "Why be plain, when you can be spicy? 'normal' is overrated and boring." The post has 0 notes. /.End ID]

Note: I wrote this post intending for it to be a reblog, but upon viewing the rest of the contents of the profile I decided I did not want to engage with the blog's owner since the "facebook republican" vibe was extremely strong, and I do not want to argue with this person. My goal with the post is to educate, and I do not see that being productive with this person. If that seems like a stupid reason to screenshot instead of reblogging, or rude, let me know and I will repost as a reblog. But for the time being iIwould like to avoid engaging with the blog's owner and simply talk about this specific post.

***

I keep seeing this come up in my feed and ive been mostly ignoring it bc it makes me slightly uncomfortable but then i saw it had 0 notes which either means im the only one seeing it or the people seeing it also feel the same way i do (maybe??)

Anyway it's not even a big deal TBH but here's why I don't really like this, I'm not trying to be insulting or anything I just want to be informative and LITERALLY this is not important enough of a problem to warrant the quantity of words I'll be using, but that's just how I am. Sorry.

First of all, the neurodivergent/typical label first came from a journalist who wanted to acknowledge that not every condition is a disorder and that there are natural variations in how peoples' brains work. So, to refer to ADHD and autism as "neurodivergent" rather than "broken" or "disordered", with the goal of putting into perspective that you, as a person, are not broken or that there is "something wrong with you" just because you are autistic or ADHD.

It's popular now, but neurodiversity labels haven't been in widespread use for very long despite being coined in 1998 by Harvey Blume. A lot of the push for neurodiversity labels came from the autistic community and so it's kind of a victory of sorts to be able to use them instead of referring to people as "normal" vs "autistic/ADHD", since categorizing people into "normal" and "other" boxes naturally creates a sense of otherness, both in the minds of people on the neurodivergent side and the neurotypical side.

In addition to confronting this issue, the neurodivergent labels are also just, more accurate? There isn't really even a definition of what "normal" means, and it implies the absence of problems altogether which we know is not true because nearly everyone in the world experiences some kind of mental or physical problem, of varying severities. It could be depression, it could be an allergy, it could be a disability beyond depression.

The word Neurotypical on the other hand is targeted specifically to the brain (Neuro) and rather than using a vague term like normal, uses the term Typical. We as a society generally use the word Typical interchangeably with normal, but specifically usually as a way to describe someone who fits the characteristic of whatever group they are in, or someone's actions that fit the characteristics of their other actions. Essentially, to describe someone or something that is consistent with a "type".

"Sweating and increased heart rate are typical experiences for those engaging in intense physical exercise."

"Sarah is always late to things! She isn't here at the party yet, and it started two hours ago. How typical of her."

Therefore, Neurotypical specifically refers to either people or behaviors that are consistent with the most common set of neurological conditions and behaviors, or with the most common neurotype.

Neurodivergent simply means anyone who deviates from this neurotype, which is why it's a blanket term for autism and ADHD. It could also be expanded to include other neurotypes as well, although I'm not familiar with them all, if there are any.

The first problem I have with this comment about ditching Neurotypical/Neurodivergent for Vanilla/Neurospicy is that people in the autism community are quite divided on whether neurospicy is a further-stigmatizing or infantalizing alteration to neurodivergent. One discussion of why can be found in this tik tok here. (It's like 10 seconds long). Although there is a pretty large group of neurodivergents who are OK with and even enjoy the use of Neurospicy, it seems that there is an equally large group of neurodivergents that are not and do not.

I am included in that second group, but my roommate is in the former. As long as she does not use neurospicy as a term to describe me, I do not mind if she jokes about it for herself! However, this post states in a very matter-of-fact tone typical of facebook posts that not only should vanilla/neurospicy be used, but that neurotypical/neurodivergent should not be used. The text in this image goes out of its way to invalidate existing, widely used labels in favor of ones that many see as stigmatizing or infantalizing. Both of which are huge problems for the ADHD/Autism community, especially the latter group due to developmental delay associated with autism. The societal attitude surrounding this word is similar to the reaction to "Is he acoustic" which for some autistics is a funny joke, but objectively still causes harm because of the way it is weaponized by neurotypicals to make fun of autistic traits and autistics in general by posting the audio or cracking the joke whenever someone does something "weird" or unexplainable. I've even seen acoustic used to describe an object that has stopped working properly (broken = autistic). Neurospicy is, although much less frequently, used in a similar way by neurotypicals to make jokes about autistics in ways that are not always respectful and can be harmful.

The text in the post itself goes even further to say "'normal' is overrated and boring." The word Normal is not used prior to this in the post, but by context it seems to refer to the neurotypicall/neurodivergent labels as "normal" labels and is saying that they are overrated and boring, and that using Neurospicy instead is different and therefore good.

The second problem I have with this post is the use of the word Vanilla. This one is much more of a subjective problem, since different people will gather different things from seeing this word based on what kind of content they regularly interact with. Personally, when I see the word vanilla it usually makes me think of ice cream or Minecraft mods, but in this post it's used right alongside the word "spicy" and normally the only place we see those two words used together in the same context is in the kink/bdsm community. As someone who used to be aspec and still resonates with those experiences, the idea of associating my neurological identity in any way with sexual activity or kink is extremely disturbing. This one is much, much less likely to be intentional, but I wanted to include it simply for complete honesty.

All this together, just causes this post to make me mildly uncomfortable, which is why I've declined to interact with it so far and have scrolled past it mostly. While I don't disparage the use of the words "vanilla/neurospicy" for people to describe themselves if they are comfortable with it, I find the notion of demanding, intentionally or not, that everyone use them and that our chosen labels be taken away from us to be very frustrating and uncomfortable.

I am aware that these effects are likely completely unintended, and once again I am really not trying to make a big deal out of it. My goal is simply to explain why this post has made me somewhat uncomfortable and may do the same to other people.

#actually autistic #neurodivergent #autism

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archivalofsins · 7 months

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Gunsli what are you talking about this time-

Would you believe it if I said it's the use of the word "New". Because it is. Multiple people have pointed to the use of the words,

New and newly born

In Double to go see this is why there have to be more alters because Dissociative Identity Disorder forms in childhood and John is admitting that his existence is new. Not just in comments on my post but privately to me as well. This isn't a dig at that reasoning because I see how people could conclude that when they take those words at face value.

However, it is funny that these words are being taken at face value here but weren't in other instances. Personally, to me this just seems like another obtuse tactic to explain why there must be more alters and it's not just two. However, I've been assuming the worst a lot lately because of my current disposition.

So, I thought I should try to engage with this on some level of good faith. Then after doing so concluded,

"Yeah, it's still objectively a weird thing to assert and seems to mostly be rooted in the fact that people don't want there to be only two in this instance. Plus, I personally doubt if Double or Neoplasm had hard confirmed there were three alters anyone would be highlighting the line to say there were more than that."

Okay, well we can't speak on that because neither the song or voice drama hard confirmed or even alluded to the idea there were more than two alters outside of the use of variations of the word new. We can't speak on that because that didn't happen.

Yeah, I know that I was there but a good deal of people are still behaving as though either of those things did do that or will do it later.

So, I can only assume at this point the issue isn't the fact that Milgram the franchise or story is ableist, but it has garnered an ableist fan base that is projecting their own biases onto the media and blaming it for those existing in the first place. Instead of properly reflecting on themselves because that would take a level of maturity severely lacking in this space.

Something that could explain why Yamanaka keeps saying that he's really excited to have people grow older and look back on their experiences with the franchise and the prisoners' cases. In a very way. While continually poking fun at Es' immaturity within the narrative through multiple characters. What do I know though it's probably not that.

Okay, well what makes it unreasonable or come off like that? Huh? Since you're so smart.

Oh, why thank you let me explain.

Firstly,

As I said this term is used in songs before this one just as the color green is.

Harrow

"Newly born, “HARROW HARROW”. It’s ok to dislike, right? Losing it, losing it, What should I hope for."

So, it's curious to us personally why the use of the word "new" is being highlighted here to support the idea of their being more alters but not in the case above. It just makes it apparent that maybe people aren't positing this idea with the best of intentions but simply to cling onto how they wish the story to go. Which is anyway other than being about an individual with dissociative identity disorder and only two alters. Really interesting...

Kotoko literally uses this exact wording to explain the formation of a new problem or idea. The beginnings of her idea of Justice and hatred of criminals. In the same vein the term could be being used again here to describe a new problem or change of circumstances that has led to an exacerbation of a long-term undiagnosed disorder.

Unless everyone wants to apply the logic, they're using in Mikoto's case to undermine two alter representation here as well and say that Kotoko has a different personality that was born over the course of Harrow that immediately wanted to kill so they did.

Secondly,

How is it ableist?

Well, here's the base definition of ableism,

Of course, what one considers ableism one can vary from person to person.

I personally consider it anything that discriminates against an individual with a disability whether that discrimination is in their favor or not. As both can come from a place of belittlement and superiority.

I.E

"Oh, they didn't know better. You know they have x so things like that are hard for them to understand. As someone who doesn't have those sorts of issues you should be more understanding. Be the bigger person."

"Don't you know they have x- You shouldn't talk to them. They might go off at any time."

Both of these statements are ableist in my opionion because they both belittle or demonize someone based on them having a disability. There are times when the first one may be applicable. However, it is annoying for some individuals with disabilities to have themselves be treated like a child even after they are long past the age of adulthood. There's a good example of this concept in the game Pocket Mirror with the character Harpae.

One may seem helpful and even lenient, but it can be annoying and patronizing to continually assume just because someone has a disability, they are incapable of taking care of themselves or doing wrong. Pocket Mirror immediately comes to mind because it was the first game to teach me that this behavior of over helping just because someone has a disability can also be viewed as dehumanizing and ableist.

Okay well that's grand for you what does it have to do with this instance though?

Well, personally the ableism with this framing to me is that it frames having dissociative identity disorder as this thing where alters can just be born sporadically and immediately go on murder sprees. You know the ableist trope that everyone was bitching about being the case trial one. Just to be using it now to support the idea of there being more than two alters.

It kind of highlights that people don't have an issue with ableism when it directly supports the point they want to make.

Further displaying how performative and disingenuous the audience's interest in these concepts can be.

All to again undermine the idea that Mikoto is,

"I don’t remember a thing, it couldn’t be helped, I’m DOUBLE (MeMe) I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard."

Along with the very existence of individuals that have dissociative identity disorder that presents with only this number of alters. When I referred to the behavior as copium it was to make light of this situation and move on. Because it was clear to me that people within this space aren't at a point in their lives where they can actively reflect on how they interact with the topics Milgram discusses.

That those behaving in this way aren't doing it based on any reasonable grounds but just trying to engage with the media in a way that they find more interesting to them personally. How that comes off to others or what it says about them is just what it says about them. However, there's no discussion to be had here. There's nothing to really debate about. Will nothing that ultimately sticks to discussing the material as it was presented instead of going into what the majority fan response says about the audience.

Which doesn't really make it that fun to interrogate in my case. I'm here to interrogate Milgram the series not real people's objectively harmful behavior. I don't go looking for 3koto theories for this reason. I don't go on people's posts about it saying well this is why I believe it's not that. Because at the end of the day I'm not hung up on what others want to believe is going on.

I'm not going to change my mind on this simply because of what other people think would be narratively pleasing.

Because that's completely subjective. I don't see this being the case and it would not be narratively pleasing to me. There's no evidence for it and I believe presenting the idea that dissociative identity disorder can only present in one way is harmful. I could disprove it a million times. I could go point by point frame by frame color by color explaining why this behavior is just ridiculous.

However, I do have a life and I want to spend it discussing things the way I like to discuss them. Regardless of how people feel about it. Because when someone else is pissing in a cup right in front of me and tries to sell it to me as lemonade I simply go,

"Okay, that's certainly a thing you did there. Now drink it. You like what you did there so much, right? Drink it."

It's really that simple.

#milgram #mikoto kayano

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angeygirl · 4 months

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Vaguely incomprehensible thoughts from listening to Self-ish for the first time (mostly written in real time)

(and also I try an analysis at the end despite not understanding the words)

Self: Huh, that was a very chill intro song. Probably setting up motifs or smth I'll look it up later

2012: For a guy having a breakdown this is really funky. Noticing a theme here.

Cotard's Solution:

This... this intro is the end of Dr. Sunshine. Motifs! That's cool :D but alI can hear for the rest is "*Rabid screaming* Murder look like a suicide *Zombie sounds*" I've heard not to trust people who like this song so I'm assuming it has to do with the lyrics but these instruments are fire

Mr. Capgras:

What are these rhythms and why do I love them? Not sure what the vibe is but it feels, like... an old carnival or something? Let me guess, more identity problems? HOLY CRAP THAT'S THE DROP IN DR. SUNSHINE! (looked it up afterward while trying to make this post make sense, Capgras Syndrome is a disorder where a person believes someone important in their life has been replaced by an imposter, but in this case the imposter is imposter syndrome [I think])

The Song With Five Names:

Why does the song have five names anyway? Maybe it'll make sense when I actually can read along and figure out what's happening "Gotta get to the bottom of this"??? This guy keeps reusing things and it makes me so happy. That guitar though...

Hand Me My Shovel:

YES!!!

Fun fact "Hand Me My Shovel" was my first Will Wood song. Found it on a Wilson Higgsbury playlist (I think) and it actually scared me with all the screaming. Funny how it's a favorite of mine now that I associate it with Michael Afton. And it was on a William Afton playlist, ironically enough.

Dr. Sunshine:

Yeah... as far as I'm concerned this song is my traumatized OCs having a dance battle in some spooky bar in the south west or something while yelling at each other for no reason, all just dealing with their own problems by dancing and yelling and stuff.

"Who should I be then if I'll never be the same?" is the opposite of what "Self-" was saying. All that stuff about identity and it ends with "I'm no one now, there's no one now to be." No wonder it sounds so melancholy there. Plus the clock ticking... The title of the album makes so much sense actually

So "Self" was really calm but "-Ish" sounds angry and pained. the songs didn't really amp up linearly (as far as the music goes it's pretty high energy the whole time), but the story is still there.

Someone assured in his identity (Self) loses a large chunk of his memories (2012) and rapidly downward spirals into losing more and more pieces of himself (going to need to lump the other songs together since I couldn't actually figure out what they individually were about). In trying to reinvent himself, he feels he's replacing whatever he had before (Mr. Capgras) and goes digging deeper into himself to look for answers (Hand Me My Shovel). By the time he really does hit the bottom, he's panicking and grabbing at straws for stability, not really one thing or another; not stable but not unstable, not good but not evil, not sure but not lost. Not sunshine but not moonlight. (Dr. Sunshine) In the end he has more questions then answers. All the confidence is gone and he forces himself to just be. (-Ish)

Considering I have a hard time understanding lyrics the first time I hear a song I definitely missed something, but even with what I could make out the story was there. I've heard Will Wood wrote a lot from his experiences and I can feel that in this album.

#long post #liveblogging #I think #Will wood #Angey tries to do song analysis

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sophieinwonderland · 1 year

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Random but I find it funny how much sysmeds eat up the DSM-5 and... that's it. Not even the ICD or actually read the nuance of what MPD used to be. Or even think about other OSDD-1 subtypes. Etc. They always say pro-endos need reading skills because they didn't read it as super gatekeepy and then don't read anything else.

This is so true!

Also, I find it really funny that this ask came in just a few hours after I also got this one...

It's like you saw into my askbox! (You'll just have to take my word on the timestamp lining up. I started this draft Yesterday.)

Or maybe they're just that predictable!

Anyway, might as well use this to segue to making this a two-for-one special answer! (I also wrote this yesterday, before I grouped 8 asks together in one. Not as special anymore is it?)

The DSM actually does vaguely reference other forms of plurality in the form of culturally accepted possession states.

So it's directly acknowledged in the DSM that there are these non-pathological experiences with people experiencing other agents controlling their bodies. The existence of these possession states isn't up for debate in the medical field.

To be fair, this isn't explicitly referred to as plurality here nor is it using the same terms as DID (possession states vs identity states,) but the ICD-11 (as the first anon references) does make the connections brought up by the DSM more explicit.

In the ICD-11, it's stated that you can have multiple "distinct personality states" without the presence of DID.

As can be seen in the description of DID, the ICD-11 uses "personality states" synonymously with "dissociative identities."

The creators of the Theory of Structural Dissociation have also said the spirits spoken to by mediums, while different from DID, may be self-conscious "dissociative parts of the personality."

So while the DSM doesn't explicitly say possession states are plurality, these other sources point much more strongly in that direction, using the same language for both phenomena, whether that language is "personality states" in the ICD-11 or "dissociative parts" in the paper by the creators of the theory of structural dissociation.

Is this 100% positive proof?

Not yet. Actually proving there are multiple self-conscious agents inside someone's head can be difficult and expensive, if it's even possible at all. But this is where the science is currently pointing.

There's a reason that in all my time here, not a single anti-endo has ever been able to provide a single quote from any psychiatrist saying plurality can't exist without trauma or dissociative disorders, and opinions tend to range among DID specialists from neutral to positive.

#syscourse #psychology #psychiatry #endogenic #pro endo #pro endogenic #science #plural #plurality #system #systems #system stuff #plural system #endogenic system #multiplicity #actually a system

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etherealspacejelly · 4 months

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Okay so. This is a bit of a rant that I cant give my parents and... You're really supportive and all. I get that this might be too much, so... If you dont wanna answer this, dont. Its okay. It has helped me already to write it. And this is very clearly different to your usual asks.

Im not officially diagnosed with Autism or ADHD. Im very weird, struggle with a bunch of stuff and definitely have anxiety disorder. I kinda fell into depression? Im out of it now. Got a CPTSD diagnosis too. All the fun stuff.

Anyways. When I was in the clinic and people kept telling me I was super duper intelligent and basically could therapy myself and none of them understood that this self awareness was partially the fault of my depression, it felt like shit. They told me I was too socially adapt to be autistic and too focused for ADHD.

But they did say I could have a really high IQ, but didnt have a reason to test that.

When my parents asked why it was important to me, I didnt have words. I guess I always felt like the robot or the alien or the black sheep and that I had to make an effort to fit in. I always felt like I was missing out.

Would knowing change anything? I dont friggin know, Dude.

So why am I telling you? Its probably because you're really nice about these kinds of things and everything concidered, maybe I just wanna hear one person tell me that its okay to want to know even if it doesnt change anything. I couldnt explain it to you. I just wish I had been tested. Maybe things wouldnt have been so hard then? Maybe I could have been happier, you know.

This is a bad little pipeline to go down, but hopefully it makes sense to you anyways. Im trying not to think that way. I wanna know for myself. I want that stamp on the paper telling me Im not making it up. Validating my struggle, I guess.

Anyways. Im sorry for barging into your asks like this. Do you have any tips for people like me, who are just kinda... drifting?

oh sweetheart :(

im so sorry that you are going through that. i dont have any tips for you unfortunately, but what i can tell you is that you are not alone. there are plenty of people out there who feel exactly like this.

knowing you dont fit in but not knowing Why is such a common experience for late/undiagnosed folks. it is not at all unreasonable to want to understand why you feel the way you do, even if it wouldnt really change anything.

there is no such thing as being 'too smart' or 'too social' to be autistic. i was never considered for an autism diagnosis probably for the same reasons. we come in all shapes and sizes, and our symptoms present all sorts of different ways. and when you throw adhd into the mix things get even more complicated, and the adhd and autism can even mask each other a little, making it even harder to get a diagnosis despite the high comorbidity rate.

i see your struggle. your struggle was my struggle, for many years. just because it doesnt show outwardly doesnt mean it isnt there. you deserved to get the help you needed. and im very sorry that you didnt. i didnt either.

i hope that things improve for you as they did for me.

#inbox #ask #inbox open #autism #adhd

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