#and think they've had some very lovely moments and plots
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While I think the 'thank you' and 'fuck you' speech Ted gave his mom worked in the context of their relationship - seeing as he was thanking her for the loving and supporting things she did over the years while expressing his hurt over the other ways in which she hurt him, I do NOT think it worked in the context of Jamie and his dad.
Jamie saying he'd want to say both fuck you and thank you to his own dad - likely because he believes his dad's abuse is what gave him the drive to succeed in football - might make sense for his character to feel, but should not have been backed up by the narrative like it was.
Between Ted's line last season about successful people often having dads who were hard on them and the bits in this episode of Jamie forgiving and reaching out to his dad, the narrative genuinely seems to be saying the abuse Jamie experienced helped make him the athlete he is today.
And that interpretation really bothers me. Especially because you see it in other shows and real life.
Just like the line "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," a lot of people seem to think hardship and abuse makes people stronger/more motivated. But in reality, abuse tends to hinder people on their life journey - not the other way around - by making them more scared/anxious, doubtful, sad, blinded by anger, isolated, etc.
Take it from someone with perfectionism that stems in part from my own childhood experiences and anxiety, I think that has caused me more issues than it has helped me over the years. Even though I've always been decently 'successful' at certain things (ie: school, work), I really wonder if I could have actually accomplished more - or at least accomplished the same things without the extra struggles/stress - if I wasn't constantly worried about having to be perfect.
Jamie being a prick to his teammates (because he felt like he needed to be tough to get his dad off his back) was even shown to be detrimental to his team's success and his individual success as a player. And Jamie's fear over his father's presence and criticism both at Wembley and at the Manchester City stadiums were shown to make him more distracted and prone to errors.
It was once Jamie started working with his teammates, accepting guidance from others, and receiving their unconditional support, that he grew and improved as a player. Hence why this was the first year he made the national team. He's got plenty of talent and it's quite possible he would have had the drive, just from something else, if his dad didn't abuse him. I could easily see a desire to play alongside his hero (Roy) or make his hometown proud serving as helpful motivators for him growing up.
But even if Jamie WAS a worse player or never got this far without his dad's abuse motivating him...who cares? You can't tell me he wouldn't have been a much happier, healthier person without that abuse in his life. So the idea so many narratives and real life people push that there is a silver lining to abuse or that abuse is solely responsible for someone's success is a harmful one that seems to imply abuse is worth it in a way or that abuse victims should be grateful for the good that came out of it.
It's one thing to want to thank a complicated parent for the good that they did bring to your life even if they also brought some bad. But it's an entirely separate thing to thank a complicated parent specifically for the objectively terrible things they did to you, just because it may or may not (most likely did not) have the side effect of making you more successful.
I really wish writers would put a little more thought into narratives that would seem to support this idea. It just really takes away from so many other positive - or frankly more realistic - messages they could go with instead.
#jamie tartt#ted lasso spoilers#ted lasso#james tartt#cw abuse#ted lasso negativity#again i like the show overall#and think they've had some very lovely moments and plots#but various aspects of this season are not sitting right with me#like the weird conclusion to the hate crime storyline for sam#or the lack of resolution to beard's abusive relationship#and now this stuff with jamie#arguably some of the stuff with shandy and jack#i just feel like they could have been handled a bit differently to make it less simplified or black and white#and to be clear#real life people are within their rights to feel this way!#im not trying to tell people who experienced abuse that they cant feel this about their own abuser#im referring to storylines that back this idea up#ted lasso meta#my meta
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I think about Star Wars a lot more than I post about Star Wars, and I've had some free time recently to type up some thoughts on Episode 7 that've been swirling around in my head for a couple of years. There were a few ideas and plot beats, and moments of apparent self-examination in Episode 7 which I thought were fairly compelling, even though they ultimately paid no dividends:
First was Finn’s character concept. “Star Wars as experienced from the perspective of a Stormtrooper undergoing a crisis of faith” is a rich hook; humanizing and giving a face to what's basically the platonic implementation of the faceless mook. Unfortunately, the potency of the arc was undercut by the pre-existing textual ambiguity as to what stormtroopers actually are. Star Wars extended canon has settled on the idea that each trilogy features an entirely novel cohort of white-clad mooks, each with a fundamentally different underlying dynamic. The clones and the First-Order forces are different flavors of slave army; in contrast, the stormtroopers are more frequently portrayed in the expanded universe as military careerists, stormtrooper being a thing you work up to rather than a gig for a fresh conscript. A slave-soldier who defects is a very different character from a military careerist who defects, and they invite different analysis. There's a bait-and-switch going on here, in that Finn gestures in the direction of the familiar OT stormtroopers but can't comment on or examine them because he's actually part of a novel dynamic invented for the new movies. And there's one final nail in the coffin here, signaled by the number of times I've had to invoke the expanded universe so far. When Finn debuted, the racists were of course, legion, but I also ran into a number of people who were sincerely confused as to why they'd recast Temuera Morrison. Going off the seven films that existed at the time, it wasn't unreasonable to read the prequel trilogy as an origin story for where the OT stormtroopers came from. Going only off the nine films that exist now, it still isn't unreasonable! It's muddied from so many different directions by their failure to establish the ground rules in the mainline films before they tried to put on subversive airs about it. I am still irritated by this.
Next up is how Han Solo was written. I actually liked the tack they took with him quite a bit. Because initially, right, his role in the movie is just to be Han Solo. He's back, and he hasn't changed! He's still kicking ass and taking names, he's still the lovable scoundrel you knew and loved from your childhood- and the principle cast members react to his presence with the same reverence the film's trying to invoke in the audience, they've grown up hearing the same stories about him. Except that episode 7, at least, is also very aware of the fact that if Han Solo is still recognizably the same guy thirty years on, it indicates that things have gone totally off the rails for him. We find out that the lovable rogue routine is the result of him backsliding, his happy ending blown up by massive personal tragedy rooted in communicative failures and (implicitly) his parental shortcomings. It feels deliberately in conversation with the nostalgic impulse driving the entire film- here's your childhood hero back just as you remember, here's what that stagnation costs. And it also feels like it's in conversation with what was a fairly common strain of Han Solo Take- the idea that Ep. 6 cuts off at a very convenient point, and that Han and Leia's fly-by-night wartime relationship wouldn't survive the rigors of domesticity. Obviously, that's not the only direction you can take with the character; the old EU basically threaded the needle of keeping Han recognizable without rolling back his character development gains. But it felt like they were actually committing to a direction, a direction that was aware of the space, and not a reflexively deferential and flattering one, which at the time I appreciated! The problem, of course, is that for it to really land, you need to have a really, really strong idea of what actually went down-of what Han's specific shortcomings and failures were. And given the game of ping-pong they proceeded to play with Kylo Ren's characterization, this turned out to be. Less than doable.
Kylo Ren is the third thing about Episode 7 that I liked. His character concept is basically an extended admission by the filmmakers that there's no way to top Vader as an antagonist. Instead, they lean into the opposite direction- they make him underwhelming on purpose. Someone who's chasing Vader's legacy in the same way any post-OT Star Wars villain is going to, pursuing Vader's aesthetic and the associated power without really understanding or undergoing the convoluted web of suffering and dysfunction that produced Vader. It's framed as a genuine twist that there's nothing particularly wrong with his face under that helmet. Whatever it takes to be Vader, he doesn't have it, and he knows that he doesn't have it, and the pursuit of it drives him to greater and greater acts of cartoonish villainy. The failure to one-up Vader is offloaded to the character instead of the writers, and it was genuinely interesting to watch. For one movie. The problem, of course, is that if the entire character archetype is "Vader, but less compelling," you can't try to give the bastard Vader's exact character arc. You can't retroactively bolt on a Vader-tier tragic backstory when you spent a whole movie signaling that whatever happened to him wasn't as compelling as what happened to Vader. You can't milk his angst for two more movies when it's the kind of angst on display in "Rocking the Suburbs" by Ben Folds!
There's a level on which I feel like Moff Gideon was a semi-successful implementation of Vader-Wannabe concept; he's the same kind of middling operator courting the Vader Aesthetic for clout, but he's doing it in the context of the imperial warlord era, where there's a lot of practical power available to anyone who can paint themselves to the Imperial Remnants as a plausible successor to Vader. Hand in Hand with this obvious politicking, Gideon is loathsome, which relieves the writers of the burden of having to plausibly redeem the guy; he's doing exactly what he needs to do and there'll never be a mandate to expand him beyond what his characterization can support. Unfortunately, the calculated and cynical nature of how he's emulating Vader precludes the immaturity and hero-worship elements on display with Kylo, which is unfortunate; the sincerity on display in Kylo's pursuit of authenticity is an important part of why he worked, to the extent that he worked at all, and it'd be worth unpacking in a better trilogy. As he stands Kylo is a clever idea, and that's all he is- he lacks the scaffolding to go from merely clever to actively good.
#and these are my unsolicited star wars thoughts#thoughts#meta#star wars#star wars sequel trilogy#kylo ren#moff gideon#han solo#star wars finn#star wars meta#sw sequels#the force awakens#analysis
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Fight for us
Maya x Carina x reader
PLOT: A big fire makes the reader worry more about other people than about herself and her pacemaker is not very happy about it, as are her girlfriends.
TW: heart failure, pacemaker
You didn't think the week could get any worse than it was already going then, all of a sudden, you had received a call from Teddy Altman, your cardiologist, alerting you to the fact that it was time to change the batteries in your pacemaker and that the latter was exhibiting some malfunctions that she definitely wanted to check. You sigh, shrugging your shoulders with the intent to shrug off that phone call before sipping your second cup of coffee. And to think that today is your day off and you are already stressed.
“Bambina, that's decaf right?”
Carina walks up to you and kisses you on the lips, biting your lip and looking at you with a look you know very well.
“No, I would definitely say it's not. You know it's not good for you y/n and besides, move that phone; it needs to be at least six inches from the pacemaker.” You sigh, rolling your eyes and shaking your head, but before Carina can scold you again, both yours and her phone ring. That's never a good sign, never.
“Dr. DeLuca”
“Pamedic Y/n”
And if the week had already seemed like crap to you, the words coming out of your boss's mouth only dangerously dash all your hopes for improvement. You and Carina end the call at the same time and then, after a moment of silence, finally finding the courage to speak.
“There's a fire in Fall City’s forest, I've been asked about-”
“Me too,” you say, looking at your girlfriend and voicing the same thought that is haunting both of you.
“Have they called Station 19 yet?”
“I don't know Bella but since they've called all the available workers I think so.”
You exchange a worried look before you decide to pull Carina into a hug.
“She will be fine love, Maya is a fighter and will always come back to us. Let's go save some lives now.”
........................................................…………………..
You are treating a patient's burns when you see Maya enter the tent where both you and Carina are treating patients. You finish bandaging Kelly, the girl in front of you, before quickly running into Maya's arms.
“Woah, hey, I didn't know they called you guys too.” Maya returns the hug, and although your girlfriend smells like soot, you bask in her scent before pulling away when you hear Carina join you.
You hear them talking but you don't really listen to what they're saying; you're tired, your body is telling you to take a break, and your heart, despite the pacemaker, is really acting up at the moment.
“Y/n, are you okay?”
You realize you're rubbing your hand right over the pacemaker only when Carina stops you by locking your wrist.
“Hey, are you-”
Maya is stopped by a sweaty Warren who comes running into the tent.
“Bishop, we need you. The captain wants you with her.”
Maya gives you a look and then an apologetic smile before hurrying off but not without first giving Carina a look that was definitely not aimed at the Italian.
The two of you watch the blonde leave and just as Carina turns to you to speak, a dozen patients are rushed inside and the Italian is forced to put off questions until later.
You turn to Vic and Travis and run toward them.
“Thirty-nine-year-old female, under cardiac arrest two minutes. Performed two rounds of compressions on scene with no results.”
You nod, quickly slipping on another pair of gloves before replacing Vic, performing a new cycle of compressions yourself as Travis connects the patient to the monitors.
“Vic, get the defibrillator ready.”
You shouldn't exert yourself, you know you shouldn't with the pacemaker discharged, but you really have no choice when you have to choose between your life and a patient's. You swore it to yourself when you took this job.
“It's ready.”
Victoria says and you take the pads from her hands. If Carina saw you using it yourself, she would probably kick your ass and a good lecture in Italian; fortunately, she is very busy at the moment. Travis places the electrodes on the patient's body and then, after a glance, places the paddles on her chest.
“Clear!”
You feel the electricity leave the paddles and see the woman's body lying in front of you jerk before falling back onto the gurney. You will never get used to this feeling.
“There's a pulse, call heli-rescue and keep her monitored until it arrives.”
You say entrusting it to the only two free people in front of you who weren't strictly necessary in there, two residents.
You take off your gloves and throw them in the nearest trash can, quickly procuring another pair before moving on to the next patient then, like a bolt out of the blue, you notice Teddy Altman enter the tent and if your day was already sucking, it now gets drastically worse.
The faint hope that Teddy has not come exclusively for you quickly vanishes when the blonde doctor catches up with you with a look that is anything but friendly.
“Heyy Teddy, what's the best heart surgeon in Seattle doing here? Were you so bored at home that you wanted to help us out?”
You smile, cheekily, before turning to a new patient but before you can even ask her what's wrong, besides the obvious second-degree burn on her shoulder, the cardiac surgeon grabs your arm and drags you away, far enough away from prying ears.
“What the hell are you doing here? A woman came into the hospital and said there was a beautiful paramedic who saved her life and pulled her out of her panic attack by talking about her beautiful girls: an Italian doctor and a blond firefighter.”
You mentally curse yourself for being so specific, dammit. You would have saved yourself at firefighter or doctor, damn it, did you have to be so specific?
You open your mouth to speak, looking for any excuse in the meantime, but before you can formulate one, Teddy starts talking again.
“No no, y/n, don't even try. I had made it clear, no efforts until the checkup and then I find you literally on the biggest fire in years performing CPR?!”
The blonde tries to keep a normal tone even though, from the look on her face, she probably wants to strangle you with her own hands.
“Teddy, look, I know we're friends and you're my cardiologist but you have to understand that I'm also doing my job here. I'm a paramedic and I have to take care of other people's health.”
“I understand that y/n but you won't save anyone when your heart collapses and it will if you don't get checked right away. I came here just for you, I had to ask Bailey's permission and don't think Miranda will let you get away with this recklessness of yours.”
You sigh, moving a lock of hair from your face and thinking about the long lecture Miranda Bailey, who is like a mother to you, will give you as soon as your slender body ends up in front of her judgmental eyes. You're screwed.
“Oh come on Teddy, couldn't you have said some shit to her? Besides, aren't you bound by attorney-client privilege?”
“Well, sure. Or at least we are until the patient turns out to be a danger to himself and-”
The cardiac surgeon's tone of voice rises to such an extent that the speech you are giving is heard by people who should not have heard a single word, such as your very protective Italian girlfriend.
“Hey, Bella is everything okay here? Teddy, hi, did they call you too?”
Carina girds your hips protectively and you lean a little into her grip; the fatigue was already starting to set in before Teddy's visit and now it's only getting worse.
“No, they didn't call me too but I'm here for a patient of mine.”
The Italian observes the look the blonde gives you and it doesn't take her long to realize that you are the patient.
“Y/n, why did Teddy come here for you? Is something wrong with the pacemaker?”
You want to talk, really, tell the truth and face her stern look and a long, long lecture about how you don't take care of yourself but all your attention is diverted to a firefighter, you don't recognize him since he's not from Station 19, who runs inside the tent and talks loudly to Chief Ross.
“Chief, Bishop and Herrera are stuck in a circle of fire and we can't get the flames under control.”
Although there is no shortage of noise in the tent, both you and Carina hear those words perfectly and in less than a second run toward the two.
“What the hell do you mean Maya is stuck? Why hasn't she been pulled out already!”
Carina screams, Italian slipping off her tongue as she does every time she is gripped by a strong emotion, and you know that fear is the strongest and most destabilizing of all, along with love.
Your heart beats in your chest so loudly that you think it might as well pull off the pacemaker, the sounds resulting muffled as you cling to Carina's side to try to calm both her and your crazed heart.
“Apparently Lieutenant Bishop found herself trapped in a circle of fire while she and Herrera were trying to rescue a civilian. We managed to get Herrera out but it was too late for Bishop...now we are trying to transport as much water as we can but they are in a spot we can't reach with trucks and-”
“Damn it, get Bishop out of there at the cost of filling buckets and climbing that damn mountain. Is that clear?”
Chief Ross yells and the fireman jerks before nodding and hastily exiting. Then, the woman turns to the two of you.
“I know it's hard but I promise you we will get Maya out of there; she's a fighter, she'll be fine, I've never met a woman as tenacious as she is.”
The thought of not being able to see Maya again makes your heart even heavier than it already was; you and Carina hug each other tightly, the Italian drops a few tears, and you kiss her head repeatedly, the same way Maya does, caressing her back and suppressing the sharp pain in your chest you are feeling.
“Car..what if last night was the last time we saw her? I can't lose her, not Maya, not today, I can't, I can't,” you sob, the weight of what's happening is too much to keep inside and even though you know you should console Carina, the anguish you're feeling won't let you.
“It will be all right, she will be all right, I must be...” Carina wipes away her tears and then looks up at you, “I am pregnant Bella, it worked.”
And for a moment, for just a moment, you forget where you are and Maya's condition, for just a moment you think only of you, her and Maya holding a beautiful baby and you kiss her. You kiss her deeply and with such passion that if you were not in that situation you would already be on the bed. When you pull away, you run a hand over her stomach and gently caress it with a smile on your face.
“Hey little bean, we love you so much already, you don't know how long we've been waiting for you.”
Carina rests her hand on top of yours and her head on your chest. The adrenaline rush that the news caused you fades and the dull but constant pain in your chest returns like a bolt of lightning as does the fear for the life of the other woman in your life, the other mother of your child.
Teddy, who has been standing on the sidelines up to that point, approaches the two of you and gives you a sympathetic smile.
“I'm sure Firefighter Barbie is fine, she's strong and wants to get back to her girls.”
“Thank you Teddy.”
And then, you hear Carina realize again what you were talking about before you were interrupted.
You sigh and close your eyes for a few moments; Carina turns away from you, and when you open them again, you see her looking at you with the same look you've been dreading ever since you got the call.
“I hope you didn't come here knowing you had problems with your pacemaker.”
Your silence is worth more than confirmation for the Italian.
“O MIO DIO, I can't believe it y/n, you're so stubborn and an idiot I ahh non so cosa fare con voi due, sei mille volte peggio di Maya dannazione.”
You don't understand a single word she said but considering the fact that she is gesticulating…well, you are definitely in trouble.
Fortunately, however, even the wrath of an Italian vanishes when your girlfriend's colleague runs up to you and waves you to follow him and that's exactly what you do, temporarily forgetting what you were discussing.
“Jack, is Maya okay?” Carina says and when the firefighter does not turn to look at you, you fear for the worst: “Gibson, is Maya okay? Is she alive? Is she hurt? Damn it Jack! Answer me!” You yell, shoving the fireman until he turns toward you. His gaze gives nothing away and you are literally about to grab him by the throat but then a familiar face appears in your field of vision.
“Hey, I'm sorry to have worried you. I'm okay, I'm fine, I feared for the worst but the guys managed to pull both Andy and me out of there.”
Maya has an oxygen mask on her face and a blanket around her shoulders but except for that, she seems fine and you think you can squeal from relief. You pounce on her and stuff her face with kisses before letting Carina do the same.
“If you worry us like this again, I'll kill you myself, is that clear?”
“Crystal doc” Maya smiles, leaning over to kiss her before kissing you too.
“Fuck you Gibson” you huff, giving him a shove and he smiles, raising his hands as if to defend himself, “hey, I just wanted you to see it for yourself.”
The fireman walks away and leaves you alone; you rest your forehead on the Italian's back while she and Maya discuss what happened and how Andy is doing. You don't really listen to them; the pain in your chest with Jack's little joke has only gotten worse, and your breath shortens as tiny drops of sweat wet your back.
You have experienced this feeling before, when you had your first heart attack more than four years ago. You feel the pulse in your ears, you cannot even tell whether it is high or extremely low; despite your medical knowledge, you are not clear-headed enough at the moment to tell. You gradually lean more and more against the Italian so much that you almost risk dropping her.
“Car, call...call Teddy. Pacemaker” you whisper and then, everything goes dark as you fall to the ground with a thud.
Carina and Maya freeze for a few seconds before springing into action.
“Hey! We need help, help us!” Carina shouts, turning you over on your stomach and checking your heart rate.
“Maya, I'm going to get Teddy don't move from here, check her pulse and don't you dare take off that oxygen mask.”
The firefighter does not even have time to react that the doctor is already running away.
“Come on love, come on, stay with us.”
Maya massages your chest, checking your pulse and trying at the same time to stimulate your pacemaker. Carina returns in less than a minute, falling on her knees next to your body lying on the floor, followed by Vic, Travis and Teddy.
“Maya, give me her heart rate.”
“32 bpm.”
“Damn, her pacemaker stopped working, it's set on 50 bpm. We need to take her to the hospital and change the batteries or the pacemaker if necessary.”
“The fire has blocked the roads, we can only go to Eli-rescue but it left a while ago and will never be back in less than 40 minutes.” Travis says, looking at the doctor.
“You don't have forty minutes, you don't even have ten minutes.”
Teddy shakes his head, rubbing his forehead as he constantly checks your pulse on the monitor Victoria has diligently hooked you up to. Carina takes an oxygen tank and connects it to a mask that she places on your face, stroking your hair and leaving a kiss on your forehead.
“It will be okay Bella, we are here with you, you have to fight for us. Please.”
The Italian doctor's voice cracks and Maya promptly takes her into her arms, also stroking your hair.
“I have an idea but it is dangerous and I don't know if it will work .”
Maya and Carina cast a glance at each other and then nod.
“Do what you have to but bring her back to us, please.”
Teddy pulls out his stethoscope, auscultating your pulse.
“Montgomery, get the defibrillator.”
Carina and Maya stiffen and look at the monitor. Your heart is not beating above 30 bpm and your blood pressure is dangerously low and falling.
“Teddy, what do you want to do.”
Carina's voice trembles as her hand falls instinctively on your stomach; Maya notices but at the moment is more concerned about you than intrigued by her wife's gesture.
“With a jolt the pacemaker should restart and keep her alive until the hospital or at least I hope so, I only did it one other time in Afghanistan.”
“Did the patient survive?”
Teddy pauses, remaining silent for a few seconds as he applies the electrodes to your chest. Then, after a deep sigh, he turns to the two women kneeling over your dying body.
“No, it was too late for him.”
Carina runs a hand through her hair and then, grabs the blond fireman's hand.
“Maya, I need to tell you something I-”
“Clear!”
The Italian freezes, as does Maya's heart as they watch your body jerk and the terrifying flat line noise that is emitted from the monitor immediately after.
“Come on Bella, please.”
Maya removes her mask and leans over your forehead, leaving a kiss on your temple.
“Come on love, you can do it. Come back to us.”
Your heart starts beating again after one round of compressions from Teddy, and Maya and Carina burst into tears from relief praying that helicopter rescue will arrive in time.
..........................................................................
More than six hours pass before your eyes open and an annoying but familiar pain in your chest, just above the pacemaker, lets you know that you are still in the world of the living. Your hand reaches for the mask on your face but before you can pull it off, a hand stops you.
“Hey, no, you have to keep it on a little longer Bella.”
Carina leaves a kiss on your forehead, turning a small smile to you and intertwining your fingers.
“Welcome back love” Maya smiles at you. She still has her oxygen mask on and at the sight, your stomach knots.
“Are you okay? What are your oxygen levels?”
You sit up and reach toward the fireman; your gaze is so concerned that Maya strokes your cheek and grabs your hand to kiss your knuckles.
“I'm fine my love, I'm sorry for worrying the two women of my life, or three ,” the blonde's smile increases as she rests her hand on the Italian's stomach and your worried look is quickly replaced by a smile. “We're going to be moms.”
“The best ones.”
“Yes, although two of these three moms should learn to take better care of themselves. Did you understand y/n? It was stupid to ignore the device that helps your heart beat idiot”
“Yes, it was totally irresponsible of you” Maya nods, agreeing with Carina, before patting your leg lightly.
“Don't ever try something like that again, you are too important to us.”
Carina whispers and you notice she is holding back tears so you reach out and push her toward you, dropping her sitting on your lap.
“Oh and don't think this is the end of it, Bailey can't wait to give you a good talking to.”
“Shit, I'm screwed.”
“Yeah but not by us. No sex for two months after what you did.”
You pout and then playfully shove Maya while Carina taps her hand on her forehead shaking her head with a smile on her face.
You do believe you will be good mothers after all.
Thank you for reading! It's not my best work but lately I feel like everything I write sucks so...well, thanks anyway and have a great day!
Buy me a coffee on ko-fi
Taglist: @wandanatsbaby @bioquake-archives @bioquakeweek @daisyjohnsonx @wandanatsgirlfriend @chaekhan @station19 @resilientpendragon @so-no-kissing-then @thearchpitbullmx @ashadash0904 @kingshitonly @alwaysgoodnight @callistic @xjule @yuleni18 @simpforwandanat @alexxislexi @mrsdanversromanoff @coollemonsaresour @hushed-woodsman @razorscooteer @eponine-xx @maniacallinc @michelle170 @classyig @elenaguarnieri @scarletwidow @tati3001 @cristin-rjd @your-my-mission @mr-nicely @hi-i-1 @anniethurs @ktstwice @scarlet-raccoon @maria-403 @goldfishthegr8 @wandanatfan @looiegirl-blog @bioquake-blog @daisyjohnsonx
#carina deluca x maya bishop x reader#maya bishop x carina deluca x reader#maya x carina x reader#maya bishop x reader#carina deluca x reader#carina x maya#maya x carina#carina deluca#maya bishop#station 19 fics#station 19#wlw fanfic#poliamore
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If you do take requests at this moment, can I request a Hualian x GN reader where reader feels like the third wheel, and when Hualian look further into reader, they find out that reader is hurting themselves/trying to change in the way they look
That Hualian would baby reader, like take sharp objects out of arm’s reach, or spoon feed reader when it’s time to eat. Giving reader kisses and words of affirmation every time they’re around
Lol, I’m feeling very angsty, but if this request is a little too far, you don’t have to do it (I hope you’re doing great! Make sure to drink enough water!) 🥰
Shape Shifting Heart
HuaLian x gn!reader
Ignore grammar mistakes
Slight OOC
Made up looks about reader for plot
Tyyy Pepsi zero has become my hydration 😔🙏
Also I'm so sorry for disappearing but I've had like the worst few months of my life ever so 😃🙏 bear with me
____________________________________
Being with Xie Lian and San Lang is the best thing that has ever happened to you. There's so much love to go around with three people and everyone is always taking care of each other! So you never listened to people being hateful about it, whether that be other gods or ghosts. You guys are happy and that all that matters right?
What happens when all of you aren't happy, when it's just one person bringing down the mood and the whole relationship? That's how you've been feeling lately. You haven't been much use to Xie Lian and San Lang these days. Often, you've been curled up in bed and staying hidden under the covers. For what reason? They don't know. You won't talk to them, and while Xie Lian and San Lang pride themselves on knowing you inside and out they can't figure out what's wrong.
You can't tell them. It's kind of embarrassing, humiliating even. How do you tell your lovers, "I feel like the third wheel, I feel neglected and left out" to the two kindest people you've ever met. Everything you do seems to make it worse and you're trying your best so you don't understand why it seems to put your relationship more on edge.
You had honestly just wanted to sulk and pout for a few days in bed over something silly. When they stopped visiting the bedroom it became a problem. All you do is lie here so what could possibly have made them want to leave you alone? You aren't even doing anything to warrant them off! Xie Lian and San Lang easily coddle each other all the time so why don't they think to do it with you? They stopped coming to the shared bedroom, even going as far to sleep in another bedroom together, but by themselves without you.
It only made you feel worse, are you so depressed and off putting they don't want to be near you now? Sadness becomes frustration and it fuels you to get out of bed in what has been weeks. You leave the room disheveled and groggy hoping to find one of your lovers to receive some affection, to you it feels like you haven't had in forever.
You find them together in the kitchen, an awfully domestic scene. Xie Lian cooking dinner and San Lang attached by the hip. The way San Lang holds Xie Lian's waist and stays close while Xie Lian bustles around the kitchen. Where you had once been and would usually love to hear the sound of their laughs and love filled giggles all it sounds like is mocking joy of what you once felt. How many nights has it been like this? How many nights have they been content without you?
"Making dinner without me?" You pipe up, leaning against the kitchen counter. Making dinner is a silly thing to be upset about. A part of you feels awful for being so jealous but the other doesn't. It's not like you're jealous of San Lang or jealous of Xie Lian. You don't spite a specific person. You're just jealous of the love they share, of their bond. You're envious of their happiness, you just want to be included too!
"Ah, y/n!", Xie Lian gives a wobbly smile, "Of course not" Xie Lian didn't know how to bring up that they've been trying to give you space. He doesn't know how to say it in a way that would sound reasonable to you. These days you've been a little irritated and you easily take words they say but add a whole new meaning to it. They know it's not your fault, it's one of your episodes maybe.
No one moves. They don't know whether to extend a hand to invite you or not but you seem to take it upon yourself. You walk closer and stick right up to Xie Lian's and San Lang's side. The tension - you can't tell if you're imagining it or not, you've been imagining a lot these days - is thick. "Well I feel a little better so I'll join from now on, what are you making?" You try to make conversation, you try to move closer in hopes that the domestic scene will just continue.
It doesn't. The room is tense and so are your lovers. You hate it. It makes you want to lash out, cry, and scream. Xie Lian and San Lang seem to be walking on eggshells around you and you don't know why. You've never gotten angry with them before, you've never been violent or aggressive with them so why are they acting like you're a ticking bomb?
San Lang attempts to break the tense atmosphere first. Wrapping hesitant hands around your waist and nuzzling into your hair, hair he will not mention is a bit notty. "We missed you" he murmurs into your long, bright locs. "We're glad you feel better" this seems to get the night moving smoothly again. It's pathetic how quickly you melt into San Lang's touch and preen at his words. It finally feels like you're included in the domestic picture they make.
The three of you eat dinner and enjoy it, Xie Lian's cooking has been getting a lot better but that's probably because you and San Lang were in the kitchen to help him. You're filled with a deep satisfaction when Xie Lian gently grabs your hand and all of you go to your shared bedroom together. Xie Lian pulls you into bed and They cuddle up next to you under the covers, placing gentle kisses on your face and shoulders.
You feel suddenly energetic because of the affection you're receiving. Making you giggle and kissing them back with new found passion. You won't lie you guys haven't had sex in a while so. . . You easily climb on San Lang, and straddle his hips. Kissing him eagerly and nipping against his lips. They weren't expecting you to be so eager but who are they to deny you.
Xie Lian gets behind you and slips off your robe, running his hands over your body. Your back, arms, hips, and thighs- your thighs. Xie Lian's hands freeze, and moves his hands as if he's been scalded. The sudden movement catches San Lang's attention and he sits up but he keeps you in his lap. "Gege what's wrong?" San Lang stares at Xie Lian and suddenly all the attention is off you. Somewhere inside you, you feel a little miffed at Xie Lian's reaction.
But you're concerned too so you turn your head to your other lover with concerned eyes, however Xie Lian is the one staring at you with pity. He turns on the light and sits next to San Lang. "His thighs, San Lang. . ." You scrunch your face. Of course that's what Xie Lian reacted so strongly about. While you were rotting in bed you were feeling so down in the dumps. So- so maybe you took it out on yourself and used your sword on your own skin.
It's not that big of a deal, they're already healed and just remain thick scars across your thighs but it matters to your lovers greatly. They've explored your body many times, and they know these are new. "Baobei, what happened?" Xie Lian cups your face with gentle hands but you turn your head the other way. You're irritated the night has stopped over something so trivial. "Nothing important, I was just feeling upset a few weeks ago, it's trivial now. Can't we just- can we not focus on that?"
Your face is scrunched in irritation and you try to roll your hips against San Lang but he removes you from his lap and onto the silk covers. You groan in frustration. The night was going perfectly and now it's all messed up! San Lang's eyes narrow as he gazes over your legs, and you swallow nervously. "This isn't something we can just ignore Y/n. You know that. . . Let's stop here for tonight" If it were San Lang saying it you wouldn't have minded as much but it's Xie Lian.
Xie Lian loves San Lang's body even with the scars on it so why won't he love yours?! "We don't have to stop! Just- ignore it, would you please?! I can get rid of them, I can look like whatever you want me to be! " You never notice when you start heaving for breath, when tears line your eyes and you try to cling to one of your lovers. You don't notice when you subconsciously change your body into something else because it's something you've always had the power to do.
So when your skin becomes smooth again, and unmarked it's something you don't even look over. But for Xie Lian and San Lang it's completely different. It's like looking at a stranger's body. Like looking at somebody who's never worked a day in their life, someone who has never gone to battle, something you are not but you're desperately trying to be. You have no scars, and the callouses on your hands have disappeared. They've memorized everything on you and now you've made yourself look completely different.
To you, it feels like they look at you with disgust and anger. You're breaking down and it's not something you're even registering. "Y/n stop!" San Lang gives up on keeping you on the bed and he lets you crawl into his lap, he cups your face with surprisingly gentle hands that contradict his angry voice. "Breathe Baobei" he rubs comforting circles into your hips and Xie Lian rubs your back. They're trying to get you to breathe and to stop hyperventilating.
San Lang never looks away from you, and he plants tiny kisses in your cheeks to get rid of your tears. When did you start crying? You don't remember. You eventually calm down from listening to your lovers instructions and their loving touches. When you're finally breathing normally again and the tension leaves your body they try talking to you again. Xie Lian rubs his fingers through your hair, he doesn't like how you've easily changed yourself. He misses your bright locs not the dark ones you've decided to take on. He kisses your head. "I want to talk to my Y/n now. Can I?" Xie Lian asks sweetly.
You've always been you but he wants to talk to his lover not the made up version of yourself. You sniffle and San Lang pats your waist. You take the encouragement and change back to your original body. When you make a weird noise in your throat that sounds close to a sob Xie Lian wraps around you and kisses your nape. "That's good Baobei, we're proud of you." San Lang and Xie Lian glance at each other and in that moment decide to drop the topic about your new found scars. They can only try to find the root of the issue now.
San Lang kisses your forehead and then below your eyes and then your lips. "Tell us what's wrong?" San Lang poses it as a question. As in, you don't have to but it would greatly help them if you did. You feel pathetic and selfish. You don't know why you broke down over something so silly and foolish. "I-I felt, I felt like a t-third wheel. You guys seem so happy without me and all I do is mess up, I'm sorry " you start to cry again and you rub at your eyes harshly but San Lang holds your wrists gently and keeps them away from your eyes.
Xie Lian kisses your shoulder. "There's nothing to be sorry for baobei. No one's at fault." He runs his hands over your thighs, making circles with his fingers. "We didn't mean to make you feel left out, we just wanted to give you space. We thought that's what you needed" Xie Lian explains softly. You nod and sniffle. That's more reasonable than whatever your mind came up with. San Lang pulls you closer by the waist. "If we make you feel like that tell us Baobei, we'll fix it immediately" he says with narrowed eyes. You know he isn't upset with you and he's probably beating himself up for not being able to tell. You kiss him deeply and sigh against his lips.
"M'sorry, I know you love me I just- my mind tells me awful things." You whisper in San Lang's lips and kiss him again. San Lang grunts and playfully tugs a piece of your hair. "Should I beat it up for you?" It makes you giggle.
🦊🪷
For the next few days and even few weeks they baby you endlessly. Xie Lian keeps an eye on sharp objects and makes sure you can't get into the weapons room. He also confiscated your sword and he won't even let you hold knives in the kitchen. The only sword you're allowed to be around is E'ming and they know you wouldn't do that to him or San Lang.
They have no problem with dragging you everywhere they go and often San Lang likes to feed you during meals. At first you blushed and insisted you could do it yourself but San Lang waved your concerns away and said "Let me take care of you". They coddle you a lot and one of them is always in the room with you. You know now that you need to work on your communication and not let your mind get to you. It was a big misunderstanding but San Lang and Xie Lian treat it as if it was a genuine problem.
You're suffocated with love but you wouldn't change it for the world.
#tgcf#tgcf headcanon#hualian#hualian x reader#hua cheng x reader#tgcf hua cheng#tgcf hualian#tgcf x male reader#tgcf xie lian#xie lian x reader#mxtx tgcf#tgcf angst
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Hello! I've been reading through your blog for the past few days and everything you write is so amazing. I was wondering if maybe you would consider writing something about an aro high schooler who gets asked out by this person they've convinced themselves that they like, but when they're actually asked about it, it just feels wrong? (Bonus points if they think kissing is gross because imo it is) - sincerely, an aroace teen writer who is very inspired by you
"River kissed you!?" Their best friend shrieked, with all of the excitement that the protagonist had expected to feel.
They managed a weak smile. Their stomach squirmed.
It was supposed to be great, wasn't it? A first kiss. People wrote novels about them. It was the epic climax of the episode. It was fireworks and a fluttering stomach, it was the whole world narrowing down to a single moment, it was heart pounding love.
It was gross.
"...was it bad?" their friend asked, catching their expression. Their face fell. A smashed plate of disappointment.
The protagonist swallowed. "It was...wet."
"I mean, it takes a bit of practice to get good at it. Even with the right person. Did they stick their tongue down your throat?"
"No. I don't think so? I mean - it was fine." It would be fine. It would definitely be fine. Maybe their first kiss hadn't exactly been what they were hoping for, but it would get better. Wouldn't it? Their throat suddenly felt horribly tight. They pressed their lips together to keep their voice from wobbling and took a breath. "You're probably right. I mean, I don't know if they've ever kissed anyone before either. Maybe I was really bad at it."
"No!"
"It's okay." At least, if they were bad at kissing, that was something they could improve upon. At least it wouldn't always feel so...
It wasn't like it was all some elaborate ruse the whole population was in on, anyway. That would be ridiculous!
It had been a nice night otherwise. The movie had been good, and their hands had touched over the popcorn, and they'd got into a great discussion about the plot after.
It would get better.
...it did not get better, though.
They started to find excuses not to kiss River; "Let's take it slow."
A kiss on the head or the cheek wasn't so bad, or like a one second peck on the mouth. It was all the other kisses.
When it didn't feel wrong, they felt nothing. They counted the awkward seconds for it to be over, then vowed to do much better next time when they caught a glimpse of the confused sort of hurt in River's eyes.
"I know you're shy," River said, one day, in a trying-to-be-casual voice. "But you like...never kiss me. It's always me kissing you. Did I..." Their voice dropped, agonised, "am I really bad at it or something?"
"No, no!"
"Oh, good."
"I just - I don't now." Their stomach squeezed. "I'm not sure I really like kissing," they confessed. "It's - I don't know." It felt rude to say ew.
"Oh," River said, in a tone of less good, but trying to be chill and non-judgy. "Okay."
"Sorry."
"It's okay." River took their hand, squeezed. "Kissing isn't everything, I guess. There are other things."
For a second, just a second, they were sure they'd never loved anyone more.
They liked River. Didn't they? They certainly thought they had. They had those cheekbones, and those pretty eyes, and they were always nice to everyone. They made the protagonist laugh, at least when there wasn't kissing involved.
It should have all been perfect.
They'd always wanted to fall in love.
In the end, they broke up after about three months.
The protagonist didn't ask what they'd done wrong, because it felt obvious, even if River wasn't cruel enough to say it. Maybe they should have ended it themselves, instead of forcing River to do it. Probably.
But what could they possibly say? It's not you, it's me. Nobody would believe that even if it was true. Oh, I know I said yes to dating you, but I'm just not that into you. That felt far too mean. It wasn't like River had done anything bad.
Their best friend held them while they cried, wracking things that choked up in their chest.
"What if I die alone?"
"Don't be stupid." Their best friend hugged them hard. "Of course you're not going to lie alone. River wasn't that great anyway! There's clearly something wrong with you if they don't want you."
The protagonist didn't quite dare say that wasn't exactly how it happened.
They kissed a few other people over the years, normally around the time when everyone else did. New Year, at the strike of twelve. If there wasn't any fireworks in the kiss, at least they were popping and fizzing outside and a new year was a new slate. They tried once after a few too many cocktails, with a friend, because maybe it would feel a little better when they were tipsy. With someone who definitely knew what they were doing.
It wasn't, though.
"You'll find the right person," their best friend said. "It's different when it's the right person, you know? Like me and Willow. I didn't think, but then..." They were happily in love; exuberant on it, nonstop on it.
The protagonist didn't want to resent it. They didn't want to be that person, spitting bitter like the villain in a fairytale.
"Romance novels are very exaggerated," their best friend said. "It's not always butterflies. It doesn't have to be butterflies to be real, you know? It's just someone you really want to spend time with."
But, the more the protagonist thought about it, the more they weren't sure that was quite true. There were plenty of people that they liked being around. It still didn't make them want to kiss them.
They weren't even sure they wanted to fall in love anymore. It wasn't like they spent most of their life miserable or anything. It was just...sometimes, when everyone else in the room had someone, or their parents asked them yet again if there was anyone they'd been seeing. Even in the height of drama, it all seemed so much easier for them.
They were twenty when they first came across the words.
Aromantic Asexual.
It was the second time they'd cried over the whole kissing thing.
That time it was relief.
"Oh my god," they left their best friend a message, vindicated. "It is an elaborate ruse!!! I'm going to bite something!!"
It got better, after that.
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A couple people suggested an Arranged Marriage AU when I was asking for bowuigi ideas, but it took me this long to come up with a plot (sorry (not sorry) in advance if this one also gets really long).
Mario and Peach finally tied the knot, and Bowser is fine. Really. He doesn't care. He just doesn't feel like moving or leaving his room or eating anything but junk food. He's FINE.
And then one day a bunch of little pea people pop out of one of the caves and tell him they've got a prophecy that states their champion needs to marry the strongest ruler in the land in order to save the world at some unspecified future date. If he was a little less depressed Bowser would probably call bullshit, but right now he doesn't care enough to protest and the idea of marrying some random pea at least sounds better than being alone.
So he follows them into the caves and meets his "bride" (or groom? It's hard to tell under the giant veil) who seems startled to see him but doesn't say anything. Then Bowser has to go through a bunch of weird trials to prove he's the strongest, while the peas and their champion watch.
At least the champion is bigger than the rest of the pea people. That would have been awkward.
Bowser passes the trials easily and is shoved into a room with the champion to wait while the wedding is prepared. (Again, if he was thinking clearly Bowser would probably notice how much this screams "trap," but he isn't.) He does notice that the champion is staying as far away from him as physically possible in the small room, so Bowser tells them they've got nothing to fear from him.
"I'm not expecting anything. I won't make you DO anything. I just want somebody to stand by my side. If you can promise me that, there's just about nothing in the world I won't give you."
The champion calms down after that, and soon the wedding begins.
It's not a ceremony Bowser is familiar with, but he says yes in the right places, and the champion does too (is that voice a little familiar?) and at the end when Bowser lifts off the veil he sees a face that is pretty damn close to the last one he wanted to see right now.
Luigi is not entirely sure how he ended up in this position. He met the pea people some time ago and helped them with a small issue that had them granting him honorary membership into their community. He forgot about it after that until a group of them came and said they needed a champion, and asked him to attempt some trials. He wanted to refuse, but he's been feeling pretty lonely now that Mario is married. He could still drop in to visit, but it feels like intruding. And Mario hasn't been coming by very often at all.
So he did the trials and the pea people were overjoyed and he was starting to feel better until they said he needed to marry a king. Luigi DID refuse then, but the pea people showed him the prophecy carved into the cave walls, and he's been involved in enough destiny BS to not dismiss it out of hand. Maybe it won't be so bad?
Until he saw Bowser. Who... kind of looked like shit, actually. Even when doing more of those dumb trials (funny how they seem to be catered precisely to what Luigi and Bowser are both best at) Bowser looked like his heart wasn't in it. When Luigi heard that speech about just wanting someone to stand by his side, Luigi realized Bowser must be even more lonely than he is right now. HE actually DID lose someone he loved to that wedding.
So Luigi can't bring himself to tell the truth and break his heart. He goes through with the wedding and is already thinking about the logistics of moving in together when Bowser sees him and flips the fuck out.
Luckily(?) it turns out the wedding was, in fact, a trap, so when Bowser rips up the altar and throws it at a wall, it makes the pea people think he's onto them. The fight that ensues is enough that Bowser snaps back into something like his usual self, and Luigi is able to cover for how confused he is.
Luigi feels betrayed, Bowser feels humiliated, but at the moment they are very much united against the ones who used them.
Bowser starts picking guys up and threatening to eat them (he wouldn't, he hates vegetables), until somebody confesses that the prophecy is real... but the threat the champion and the king were supposed to defeat was the pea people themselves. They were planning to take over the world, and the wedding was supposed to be a distraction so they could eliminate them both at once.
Luigi leads Bowser to the carvings on the wall he'd seen before. Sure enough, there's one of what looks very much like the wedding ceremony they just had. The terrified pea person translates the inscription, which says the union will uproot all but the smallest peas.
"So you KNEW getting us together would ruin your plans, but you did it anyway? I'm starting to feel dumb for getting fooled by complete idiots."
There are still two problems. One: Bowser didn't make a secret of the fact he was leaving to get married, so when he goes back home he's going to have to explain why he's still... not. And two: the prophecy hasn't actually been fulfilled yet, there's still more pea people out there with megalomaniacal ambitions.
Luigi proposes a solution to both: why doesn't he just go with him? Stay by his side, just like he promised?
"You're crazy," Bowser says.
"I know," Luigi says. "But think about how funny it will be to tell my brother."
"...That will be funny."
It is.
Luigi settles in surprisingly easily. He gets his own room, a new wardrobe, and, once Bowser learns he likes to tinker, a workshop. The people don't mind him (a fair number don't seem to recognize him as Mario's brother, which hurts a little but saves trouble). He even gets along with Junior. Once he brings his dog over he's practically the kid's favorite person.
It's pretty much exactly what Bowser wanted. Luigi is devoted to his duties as "prince consort," always appearing next to Bowser in public and giving the illusion of a united front. If he actually argues with Bowser about a lot of his policy in private, nobody needs to know. Somehow, Bowser doesn't mind.
But it's torture, too, because Bowser has never HAD a real partner like this. Someone who supports him but can still disagree with him. There's a period of about a week where Bowser thinks this is working and will last and he can be happy.
Then they're talking about whether or not to have a traditional koopa wedding as well, and Luigi cracks a joke about how he sure hopes the pea people didn't have that rule where a marriage isn't real until you consummate it, because then they might actually have trouble when the prophecy kicks in.
And Bowser realizes he really really would like to consummate this marriage.
Shit.
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Unknown Episode 11
Well, let me get this out of the way upfront. This episode brought us to the big moment we've all been waiting for, the final turn in Yuan and Qian's relationship--and unfortunately, it didn't quite land.
I've been sitting with this episode, contemplating my disappointment with the first sequence, and I think it comes down to this show that has been so assured and confident through most of its run faltering at the crucial moment and seeming to lose faith in its own storytelling to the point that it used editing tricks to compensate. The choice to chop up and sequence this narrative lynchpin of a scene out of order is baffling, and it's a choice that significantly stepped on the most important emotional climax of the story. I was confused to go from the conversation outside to a sudden kiss, then disappointed when we cut back to a very short exchange between Qian and Yuan that was supposed to provide the basis for this turn with only some thin dialogue that didn't connect the beats of the scene, and then into an intense sexual encounter (that was constantly interrupted by repetitive flashbacks) that should have felt like a triumphant and revelatory moment but didn't because of the way we got there.
I know I'm not the only one feeling that way, since folks have been creating and distributing reedited versions of the scene, and Youku actually uploaded a new version free on YouTube with all the flashbacks removed (a clear move toward fan appeasement after the show received a lot of negative feedback on the scene). The editing and the flashbacks were annoying, but honestly the fundamental problem was the scene they wrote did not sufficiently sell the change for Qian--he goes from saying he is still not certain what he wants to being ready to be dicked down in a couple minutes' time, with nothing in the exchange providing any new information or impetus for the shift. The performers did great work but unfortunately the writing and directing and editing decisions around this sequence were just bad; it's frustrating for this to happen with arguably the most important scene of the romance.
A note about the novel: the way this final turn happened there was quite different and, candidly, better in just about every way, from the impetus for the change to the beats of the revelation to the progression of physical intimacy on a pace that felt much more attuned to the emotional complexities at play. I do not know why the show did...this when they had better source material content to work with, but here we are. I absolutely recommend that anyone who loves this show read it!
So, with that disappointment expressed, on to the rest of the episode, in which Yuan and Qian settled into their couple era. I was deeply amused by Qian taking to their sex life like a moth to a flame to the point of daydreaming in meetings, but I do wish the episode had focused more on the natural tension and role confusion that should have resulted from this huge shift in their relationship. They touched on that a bit in the scene where Yuan asked Qian if his hug was from his brother or his boyfriend, but they didn't delve into those complexities in the way I hoped they would. I enjoyed their date at the local restaurant (and loved their friendly neighborhood gangster helping to set the mood) and how much it felt like they were surrounded by their history as they moved through all of these familiar locations where they've had important moments. I didn't much care for the insertion of the health scare plot or the time spent on Le and the doc, though I'm always happy for more Sam Lin even if it comes in the form of a weird late stage and wholly unnecessary ship.
My favorite scene between Yuan and Qian in this episode was far and away the discussion on the stairs with Qian reflecting on his fears of becoming more like his mother and Yuan biting him to snap him out of his fatalistic attitude (this felt like such a classic Priest tribute, she always has biting in her romances). It was a helpful re-centering of what they do for each other and why Yuan is an important presence in Qian's life. I didn't think we needed the health scare for Qian, but I did love Qian choosing to go to this place where he found Yuan to contemplate his life and what matters, with Yuan in turn reflecting that even though he's seen a lot more of the world now, he still prefers to come home to this street. I found that exchange so moving and I think it was important for Qian to hear that.
And that scene led to my other favorite thing in this episode, which was everything to do with Lili and her bond with her brothers. I teared up to see her standing against the wall where Qian has measured their growth talking about the sneaky ways she would try to care for Qian when they were younger, with San Pang listening attentively and gazing at her adoringly. It was such a small moment, but a really lovely window into their relationship dynamic and the shared history they also have together. And when Yuan and Qian came in hand in hand and she just ran to them and offered up her love and acceptance, I felt so much warmth for this family and everything they've survived together.
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Hi! I'd love to drop some thoughts on cowboy!reader.
I think they get tattoos that are symbolic of things/people that mean a lot to them. No fear of the permanence, because cowboy knows that if something means that much to you at one point in time, it'll always be a part of you anyways, tattoo or not.
So basically i can see the whole team discovering that cowboy!reader is half covered in tattoos (maybe on a really hot climate case etc) and they're like what do all those mean?! and cowboy is like well, i have one for each of y'all. then they all of course feel a need to guess which ones are representative of them. maybe only then do they realise just how much of an impact they've had on him. idk.
much love,
-🦕 anon (if that's available of course)
No warnings, also I love this idea so yeah! Also we're going to pretend that the 'plot' makes sense aha
Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies
It was ridiculously hot, you honestly felt like you were melting (and this coming from you, so it was ridiculously hot). And then a police officer bumps into you, spilling his freshly made (and very hot) coffee onto you whilst you were making your way to the briefing room set up for the case.
You huffed as you walked in, trying to get the shirt as far away from you as possible without actually taking it off. "Someone spilt coffee on me," You pouted, JJ chuckled slightly.
"You're going to need to change shirts," She said, as she was closest she fished through your go-bag, grabbing a shirt and throwing it at you. You caught it, shooting her a grin as you did so.
"Shirtless warning," You warned, they all rolled their eyes at your laziness to find a secluded place to change shirts. You quickly removed your shirt as you then tried to find the opening for your other shirt.
"Since when did you have tattoos?" Morgan asks with a grin.
You turned to him, "For a while now," You shrugged.
"What do they all mean?" Spencer asked, tilting his head.
"They've all got different meanin's," You said. "Some of them are for the people I've met and have impacted me, others are just pretty,"
"Pretty?" Morgan grinned.
"Yeah, pretty."
Spencer looked at your tattoos before pointing at one. A small black bird on your chest.
"Who's that one for?"
"That one's for my baby brother Aden," You grin, "When he was a kid he used to make me sing Blackbird when he was scared,"
"Have you got any for us?" Spencer asked curiously.
"Yep," You said, "I've got one for each of y'all,"
"Seriously?" Emily's eyes widen when you nod again.
"Of course," You said, "Y'all mean a lot to me,"
"Can we guess?"
"Sure," You grin.
There was silence for a moment as you stood awkwardly whilst the team's gazes travelled your chest and back, searching for tattoos that could be linked to the team.
"Is- Is that one mine?" Spencer asked, pointing to the small chess piece on your torso, a pawn with a shadow of the queen piece.
You nod, "Yep,"
"Why the queen shadow?"
"You're a whole lot more vital to this team than you give yourself credit for," You shrug, Spencer blushes.
"This one has to be mine!" Penelope chimes, pointing at the tattoo of her favourite octopus mug. "You seriously got this tattooed onto your skin forever?!"
"Yeah, why?"
"It's on there forever,"
"It's a reminder," You said. Seeing the slightly confused look on her face, you continued, "It's a reminder that you had an impact on my life, that you meant so much to me that I wanted that remind with me, forever."
"You're so sappy," Morgan laughed, you rolled your eyes. "Wait, is this one mine?" You looked, he was pointing to the small MP3 player with a set of headphones and you nod.
"Uh-huh," You said, "You take them everywhere, it couldn't have been anything else," Morgan rolled his eyes slightly.
"Who's is this one?" Emily asked, pointing at the fountain pen.
"Hotch," You answered, "His favourite pen is the fountain pen Haley got him one Christmas,"
"Oh! Oh! This one has to be Emily's!" Garcia exclaimed, pointing to the small black cat. "It's Sergio!" You laughed as you confirmed.
"What about this one?" Reid asks, pointing to the small butterfly. "Is that one for one of us?" You nodded.
"I got that for JJ," You said with a shrug, pink dusting over your cheeks, "She told me she collected butterflies when she was young,"
"When did you get it?" JJ asked softly, staring at it. It was a Palos Verdes Blue Butterfly, a rare and beautiful butterfly.
"Bout a year ago," You said with a shrug, "That conversation made me realise-"
That I had fallen in love with you.
"That I belonged on the team," You said, giving a small crooked smile.
"Wait, is mine a plate of pasta-?" Rossi asked. You grinned at him sheepishly.
#criminal minds#aaron hotchner#derek morgan#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid#emily prentiss#david rossi#jennifer jareau#penelope garcia#cowboy reader#bau x cowboy reader#x cowboy reader#x male reader#male reader#male!reader#reader
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Sorry for jumping in on another ask's ramblings (and if this is something you already had planned, feel free to not answer XD) but i think the beta boys seeing y/n's blisters and telling Price about them could absolutely be a wake up call to just how she was "trained" never to ask for anything, never complain, only to accept what she's given and be a "good omega"
Don't apologize for joining the convo!! I love it!!
We've definitely come to a turning point in the story when the guys are starting to notice perhaps there's some things that aren't quite right. I mean, they've already noticed the reader isn't quite telling them the whole story about some things and that's really going to start to unravel here in the next few chapters.
To drop in some world building into this ask 🤭 (I have no self control lmaoo) the average alpha and beta don't really know what omega institutes are like and what they teach. They're all very different too, depending on the institute. The one the reader went to is like top of the line, (in American terms) like private school, Ivy League, maybe almost military academy level type of institution where there's a lot of prestige around it and it's very hard to get in. (That's why Price had that moment in chapter 2 where he was like "how did a Staff Sergeant get their kid into this institute" because they won't just take anybody.) So the guys don't really have a concept of what she went through aside from just looking at the kinds of tests she was given and the information in her file. The only way they'll really know what it was like is if she tells them. They don't even really know what happened during her time with the CIA.
Anyway, there will be a lot of realizations on everyone's parts and that's really going to be a big part of the plot moving forward. It's easy for me to forget even that...it's only been like just over a week at this point in the story. There's still a lot they have to unpack, things they need to learn about each other. They're still kind of strangers, despite how close reader is getting to at least Gaz and Soap already.
But yeah, long story short, that's gonna be coming up here in future chapters.
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If you still have Sailor Moon on the brain, did watching it at all give you any options you wish to share about other magical girl esk media you wish existed or your own take on how you would create a story in that media space?
If not, then maybe, if you're inclined to, recount some interesting findings about the connections that exist between shojo and shonen media?
(If neither then please disregard, sorry for imposing)
It was interesting! I was surprised at how much it had in common with shonen action anime. Half the boss battles get resolved with a beam clash and the only difference between Super Saiyan and Neo Queen Serenity is whether the hair or the outfit changes.
The one part I found myself sliding off of - due to personal writing preference - is how Usagi is the defacto center of the universe and everyone else is very explicitly playing support. That's part of why I liked the Outer Senshi so much - because they've all got their own ludicrously OP stuff going on, they feel more like equals to Usagi than glorified bodyguards. The inner planet senshi get their own character arcs, which is excellent, but after a while it's pretty clear that none of them can ever finish a fight without Sailor Moon. And that's fine, that's the pretense of the story - their jobs are very explicitly to protect the turbopowerful demigoddess moon princess while she gets her act together enough to remember she can win - but I prefer writing an ensemble cast where everyone feels like the hero of their own story, not the support in someone else's, and that's pretty much antithetical to the core premise of the show.
It also has a lot of the hallmarks of a soft magic system that I personally struggle with - the old "you win by believing in yourself" thing basically means "you win when the plot demands it would be most interesting for you to win" - but again, they can get away with a lot by letting the actual core premise of the universe's power system be stuff like "a pure heart gives you strength" and "the power of love will legitimately make you more powerful." And I respect that the show doesn't just give people powerups whenever - one of the parts I found most emotionally impactful was in the finale of season 3, when Sailor Saturn is going to fight the big bad all by herself and will 100% definitely die in the process, and because Sailor Moon has sacrificed the season's macguffin, she can no longer transform into her powered-up form to help - which doesn't stop her from screaming the transformation phrase over and over, because she is desperate to save Sailor Saturn even if she's been told it can't possibly work. When she gets her The Most Purest Heart Ever powerup at the last possible second, that feels excellent because it's a profoundly impactful character moment that's being supported by the plot with a tangible powerup. It's pretty telling that we don't even see the final bossfight; it's not about the spectacle or the beam clash, it's about the character arcs that surround them. I think that's a really interesting way to handle it and to add depth to an otherwise basic "whose number is bigger" style struggle.
I'm also deeply fond of paragons, and as the seasons go on I really like how Usagi's ultimately kind personality drives her to constantly help, no matter the personal cost or how aggressively people try to dissuade her - and I like that she gets angry and frustrated and even says or does harsh things sometimes, but will ultimately always do what she thinks is right. It makes her feel like a real human being, and the "weaknesses" and flaws in her character - aka the parts that make her something more complicated than a perfectly stoic problem-solving machine - are a lot of fun to watch.
Personal preference, I'd like to see more magical girl stuff where the central pillar of the plot is not a constant will-they-won't-they het romance - but I also like how Sailor Moon as a series is legitimately aware that this is not actually the de facto most important relationship for everyone. Surprising multitude of gay characters aside, I recently caught a season 2 episode where Makoto donates blood to save a close friend, and explains to Usagi that she isn't in love with him, but they have an incredibly profound friendship that's more important to her than any boyfriend, a concept with startles and confuses Usagi. It seems to be a case where the heroine has a Foundational Romantic Subplot that defines the course of her life and the plot, but the rest of the characters get to have more complicated dynamics where their life goals aren't "omg boys", and I liked that a lot!
When comparing and contrasting it to shonen action anime, I think the magical girl genre manages to integrate the lower-stakes slice of life elements significantly more smoothly, and to great effect - the 90% of the show that's silly and ridiculous makes the 10% of it that's extremely serious and gutwrenching much more impactful. That's something that a lot of shonen series struggle with, where the tone goes from "moderately serious with the occasional goof" to "extremely serious with major character deaths." The magical girl genre going from "the dumbest episode premise you've ever heard" to "extremely serious with major character deaths" is a much more precipitous plunge into icy water, as it were.
When I think about how I would write a magical girl story, I basically just smack into the premise of Exalted. Its worldbuilding has exactly what I want - an interesting system of powerset-reincarnation into worthy hosts that allows for complex interpersonal dynamics through varying levels of memory preservation, several different flavors of magical transforming person including Evil Versions, and the one thing I prioritize in my own writing - a world that feels like it can have a lot of main characters and heroes of their own story. Everyone in Exalted has their own shit going on and their own past-life drama, including former friend groups/adventuring parties, soulmates (both regular and evil versions), and anyone who might've previously killed them. Most importantly for my preferences, there's no default main character of the universe. If I were to make an urban fantasy magical girl setting, I'd probably use an extremely similar premise because I find the ramifications of it unbelievably interesting in a way the system itself is not designed to explore.
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Assuming Laudna will open up to Imogen about killing Bor’dor/Delilah possibly still lingering, I wonder if it will cause friction between them. I don’t know why it would but maybe I just want drama between them to make them interesting to me lol. Anyway, It is gonna be interesting to see how the bells interacts after this cause they all have had some growth and regression. You know what I mean? 
So I agree that the reunion is going to be really interesting. While I actually think the parties are on roughly the same page (though Imogen and Laudna might not be; Imogen is still kind of a lone holdout on "but what if I don't care about the gods") they did have wildly different experiences, and I do love drama.
Here's my opinion: I don't actually think Team Issylra regressed. I think there's a very common false equivalence of violence=regression that pops up in the fandom, and I think it's 100% wrong given the setting and genre conventions.
I'm reminded actually of a lot of discussion about the Ted Lasso finale a few weeks ago - there's a good post here, the gist of which is that sometimes a part of recovery is looking less happy. Laudna's entire deal is that she compartmentalizes and suppresses and tells herself it's all uphill from here. Orym has heard multiple people - people who like him, even, who'd consider him a friend or ally - openly say the group that murdered his husband and father-in-law who was basically a father to him and who used his leader (whom he's sworn to protect and who said husband and father-in-law died protecting) as nothing more than bait might have some good points, and he's mostly kept quiet. Even Ashton, who has been in somewhat better shape this arc, believed himself to be undeserving of anything good.
So yeah, Laudna might possibly have reawakened Delilah, but she's actually letting herself experience some emotions and talk about them. It's a pretty major step forward that she's spent so much time admitting to anger and fear, and her feelings about betrayal, and crying on Ashton's shoulder instead of constantly pretending everything is totally fine so that she can be the shoulder to Imogen. Orym's moment with the locket is not, to me, an act of cruelty. It's him saying "why do I keep trying to understand and sparing the feelings of people who never once gave me that grace, and who will use me or murder me without a second thought?" And while Ashton isn't immediately running to Hishari right now because, understandably, they are prioritizing the reunion and stopping the Vanguard, their moment about realizing this is anger and the past was self-pity feels like a breakthrough. He's confronting that past (speaking of false equivalences, there's a similarly common one of "choosing to go along with the main party-wide plot instead of one's own specific hooks=avoidance") and is letting himself whole-heartedly support the party after spending years refusing to have friends because friends leave.
Team Issylra is in the messy part of growth, but they've grown immensely, and that's actually the biggest thing I want to see Team Wildemount respond to.
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NATLA Review - spoilers
Woke up today still feeling annoyed after finished the Netflix ATLA remake last night, and I think I've figured out the core reason.
It's the fact that: If they had held truer to the original source material, we could have had a truly great show. I disagree with those calling it a complete disaster. The acting was good, great in some cases. The effects were very well done, the bending looked about as good as it can in a live action media. The scenery was lovely.
But what happened in the writer's room?! The way they just reveal all the back stories up front EVERY TIME is honestly insulting to the audience. It's like they're so terrified that smartphone culture has made the public so accustomed to instant gratification that they have no faith we will stick around and keep watching if they make us wait for anything.
They're also clearly terrified of complexity. One of my biggest gripes with this remake is Jet's story. They completely took out his plans to murder a whole town of innocents in order to get a few enemy soldiers. Now, Jet isn't my favorite character, but his story is so important. Because it is real. The world is full of people who have been so brought down by injustice that they lose their sense of right and wrong, and we need to see that on screen. If Jet is too complex for them, how will they handle Ba Sing Se in the second season.
This goes along the same lines as removing Sokka's sexist moments. They felt they had to do it to make him more 'likable.' Yet the writers themselves went full sexist on Katara's character. They've taken out so much of her spark, her righteous and justified anger, and they've done it because even in 2024, people expect women to be more passive to be palatable. Enough people have already commented on them removing Aang's choice to run away. Heaven forbid the main character not be an absolute paragon. Did y'all notice that they even made Hahn likable? Hahn?! What reason do you have for making Hahn likable Netflix?! His role in the narrative is to be an example of toxic masculinity that is clearly the bad choice compared to Sokka who has learned and grown out of his own.
Don't even get me started with what they're doing with the fire nation family, I'm not ready to tackle that. In general, I have no problem with Azula getting a little more backstory and humanizing, but why season 1? Throwing in all these extra scenes just sacrifices screen-time where they could've actually fleshed out the real season one plots instead of rushing through things at breakneck pace. (ex: Aang escaping Zuko's ship in about 2 minutes flat)
At the end of the day, the scenes I most enjoyed were those that held true to the original like the Blue Spirit sequences. They could've easily done more of this, held onto the important plot points and even more important character complexity, while maturing it for an adult audience. I'm not disagreeing with every change they made. Go ahead and take out the silly Nickelodeon gags, add cussing and more realistic violence to get your mainstream viewers. Go ahead. They could've easily made a darker more mature version of the show and still held onto all the old fans in my opinion. But claiming that you're making a 'more mature' version and then removing the complexity and subtlety because they didn't think viewers could handle it...
What makes me most sad is that there are a lot of people who will experience ATLA for the first time through this show. There are a lot of adults who are not willing to watch original ATLA because they refuse to acknowledge an animated series can be anything other than a kid's show. Those people will watch this and think it's the real deal, and that just makes me sad.
If you've read this far, a very sincere thank you for listening to my rant. If you're an OG fan who enjoyed it, I have no problem with you. It was a fun watch, I was just hoping for more. If you are a new viewer who has never seen ATLA before, I sincerely want to hear your opinions. Is it a great show to someone who isn't holding it against the context of the original? And do you plan to watch the original now?
#natla#natla spoilers#live action atla#live action avatar#netflix avatar#netflix avatar review#avatar the last airbender#atla
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because I'm the shield
I was trying to write a little scene between rise Raph and Mikey since his overprotectiveness is something they've argued about. But that's turning out slower than I expected and will have to be for another time--maybe will fit a different prompt when it's done, who knows.
I've been rewatching some of 2003 season 4 and having feelings about shield Raph.
Fight scenes do show a lot of him throwing himself between his brothers and physical harm. But season 4, with the family relationships strained, highlights something else, which is Raph shielding his brothers from Master Splinter and each other. Especially Leo.
I learned from the tmnt fandom that sai is meant to defend against sword. And that's so fitting for these two.
Raph defending his brothers from Master Splinter mostly looks like being the loudest and most openly rebellious to draw attention away from (honestly mostly Leo and Donnie) blatantly doing what they're not supposed to do (like traveling to an alternate dimension without telling anyone or fighting the Foot alone. Seriously they call him and Mikey the impulsive ones??). And Splinter isn't a danger to the turtles, he is very loving in 03, but his opinion matters to them and Raph makes himself the squeaky wheel so the others can stay squeaky clean.
But about Leo. Two things going on season 4: Raph is (trying to) protect Leo from his own inner thoughts, verbally replying to his anxieties with positives or neutrals; and Raph is on guard to keep Leo off Don and Mikey's case.
I just watched Aliens Among Us and found it especially sweet when they're all on the roof to watch the President how Raph and Leo interact. Leo is upset with Don and Mikey for fooling around, and says out loud that by even coming to watch they 'may as well ask to be dissected.' (Because it's gonna be a Bishop episode so Leo obviously has to foreshadow that. They just had Bad Day, they will not watch as the various enemies their memories pulled from do in fact torment them.) Anyway, it's the way he keeps a pretty calm, almost lighthearted tone while he talks Leo down from his catastraphizing, drawing attention away from his other brothers who were getting yelled at in the process. And this is just an example of how Raph acts this season.
side note, I adore how these two specifically could be talking about their favorite flavor of potato chips and look like they're plotting a murder. This is a picture of Raph getting as close as he can to physically beating up Leo's inner demons.
Another small moment in this episode that I loved: Raph grabbing Leo by the shoulder with, "Whoa, where are you going? Don't you think we need a plan?" and Leo's plan is 'take out every alien we see.' This is not a Leo at the top of his game, in spite of what he told Splinter last episode about 'doing whatever it takes to protect this family.' Raph knows it. He and Leo have different strengths and different approaches, but he knows a healthy Leo would be analyzing the situation, briefing them all on what they should most likely be prepared for and what information they lack that everyone should keep an eye out for. Leo is an analyst, that's one of his greatest strengths. And he's not doing that.
it's literally like 'hey bro are you okay? you've barely picked apart the enemy's battle strategy or lurked in the shadows.' Leo isn't doing the things he loves and Raph notices.
Also speaking of Bad Day. Here's a picture of Raph telling Donny it's not his fault.
Again he looks like he's plotting murder but he is actually speaking in the softest sweetest voice to his stressed out little brother. This is a turtle who just watched his best friends get blown up by people who were looking for him and his family.
That is all ❤️
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Finally putting together a list of things I want to see in season 3 part 2. I hope it's not all delusional. This is pretty much strictly a Polin wish list. Maybe with a touch of Benny slipped in there.
Bridgerton Season 3 Part 2 Wishes/Hopes/Dreams:
We already had Colin on his knees which was definitely needed, but now I need him to use his arms to lift his woman. I don't really care how it happens if it's him carrying her out of the printer shop over his shoulder, bridal style or any other way. What I'd really love is for him to pick her up and push her against a wall, but obviously all our hopes and dreams won't become reality and if it happens it's probably not going to be that, but again hopes and dreams.
I really want Pen to come clean about LW and that Colin does know about it before the Cressida bombshell. My hope is that Pen and Colin have a come to Jesus moment and she ends up telling him what she told Eloise in season 2 that she is giving it up (even though we don't really want her to because we love a fierce independent Pen). And then the Cressida bombshell, Pen starts writing again and that's when Colin finds out she's writing again. I don't think my version is happening, but I really hope it does because it's going to be so painful with happy Polin doing all their Polin things and he doesn't know everything about her first.
The Rings. If you've seen some of the part 2 stills it looks like Penelope wears Violet's betrothal ring ... which is going to be one of my favorite things. I always thought that Polin was very like Edmund and Violet and that Colin is very much like Edmund in his devotion. We know that Edmund wore a wedding ring and here's me hoping with all hope that Colin will also wear Edmund's wedding ring! I want this so bad.
I cannot wait to see Colin telling Portia (and hopefully the sisters) off. It's going to be amazing. I think this is just going to be one of a few different moments of Colin verbalizing his love for Pen and it's going to make us melt more than we already have.
The broken furniture. They have talked about this so much and played it up so much that if it isn't in part 2 I might revolt. If we never see or figure out what this piece of furniture is ... I will lose my mind.
Food. We know Colin and Pen are both foodies. They love their cake and treats and biscuits. I really want them to incorporate food into some foreplay and erotic moments. Because really why not? What are we doing? It's a missed opportunity in my opinion.
Benedict to actually have a storyline. Dear God please. I've rewatched this season pretty consistently and I don't really have any idea what's going on with Benny. All I know is he met a widow and he's sleeping with her. Don't really know anything about her other than her name and she was interested in the balloon. I do NOT understand why they couldn't have written more of his struggles being the Viscount while Anthony extends his honeymoon for forever. The first season Violet mentions to Anthony that his younger brothers do more of the job than he does. But we know that Benedict desperately wants nothing to do with it. Come to think of it they should've never sent Kate and Anthony away. I feel like they could have played more a role in the first part than many of the other characters and side plots they've forced this season. Now back to Polin.
Polin enters the baby race. I haven't decided if I really want Penelope to want her child to be Lord Featherington or not. I feel like she's worked so hard to separate herself that that's her focus and she wouldn't really care so much about carrying on her own family name, but who knows. I just feel like they've really pushed the baby thing heavily and hinted that Polin is going to have the first Featherington boy. I feel like by end of season there's a good chance Pen will be pregnant. But what do I know? I still kinda want to see it.
My favorite line from the book. When Colin gives his big speech to Pen about loving her for their past present and future gives me so much life and I think we NEED this in the show. I've already loved the dialogue they have included and I'm hoping to see a few more of those directly from the book in part 2.
Penelope in some actual danger. Whether or her own making or someone else's. Even though I feel like Colin needs to get over his hero complex, I still love for it. I do love me a little damsel in distress. And even though I know Penelope is fully capable of handling herself, I love seeing Colin feral about her safety and security.
This is it for now. Stay tuned for maybe a spicier version soon.
#bridgerton#polin#bridgerton season three#it’s polin season#romancing mister bridgerton#colin x penelope#season 3 wish list#hopes and dreams
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some opinions on the latest arc and episode 230
While there are some things I enjoyed about this new episode and arc, it felt rushed. I hate to be critical of a show I love, but we all know the level of work they're able to produce, and the hype around this arc felt like it deserved more than the effort it seemed to receive. I of course thoroughly enjoyed a bit of background on Carlos (and some of the fun stuff the episode did) but getting over the shock value of this information left me feeling conflicted. I think what it comes down to is two things. The arc was rushed, and the things that have just have naturally progressed did not.
They didn't give any of the hard hitting moments enough planning/time/space to have the impact they could have had. We did not see any of the build up of Carlos becoming fed up with Janet and the University. All of a sudden he was. We did not have time to feel conflicted about Carlos leaving town for an unknown reason. All of a sudden he did (and returned mid episode). Cecil's town, the very thing he exists for, is literally nearly gone and he doesn't give us an ounce of poetry or prose to describe how he's feeling? On his radio show? We're just told that it is. This episode in particular just felt like people talking at me instead of telling me a story. The only moment that I felt held any weight, that moved me as a piece of writing, was the moment the child of the glow cloud outwardly processed their grief that their parent would not be returning and implications about predecessors taking on the role/title of those that died which is very interesting (for Carlos, for Cecil, as a concept in general). I, quite frankly, don't care about what they THINK science and life is. Show me through actions they take that demonstrates it. Show me through action and progression.
It has never been more apparent to me than this episode that they write episode by episode instead of considering the full scope of an arc and what it means for their characters. If you are going to adapt the structure of your show to write a mini arc, you can't approach it the same way. And they KNOW this. Writing episode to episode is a delight when its new stories and one offs and bits and pieces. Writing an arc implies some sort of episode to episode progression of a building plot. They've done it before, beautifully even (Of Love and Horror, Egemony, A Matter of Blood, the Lee Marvin episodes to name just a few) and yet this arc was disjointed and felt flat. I've read their books. I've read other things they've written. They're capable of adapting stories into a more "linear" plot with an unreliable narrator. The writers just didn't give it the time and space needed to develop a story that felt natural.
Which leads me to my next point. Natural progression. I've said before I have never once looked to Night Vale for any sort of continuity (it's a show that defies it which I LOVE) but there is a difference between continuity and being sloppy. It doesn't work when half of your arc seems to be you trying to figure out what the hell you're trying to say. A lot of the major points in this latest episode were directly contradictory. We were introduced with the idea that Carlos was sort of afraid of Janet and by her being there. All of a sudden, with no moment that tips him over the edge shown, he stands up to her because he was arrested? We were introduced to the idea that Carlos was deemed a failure by the university, and yet the scientists were quick to leave Lubelle's side in the end. The town was showing clear disdain for him, and not one character stepped up to offer some delicious conflict and tell Carlos it'd be better if he left? To his face? I don't even want to delve into the handling of Blakes character, because quite frankly, he did nothing for the plot because he was tossed back and forth between writers to do what they wanted him to do in that episode (is he against janet, with her? does he hate Carlos? like Carlos? which is it? its not unreliable narration) The arc was framed by Carlos' time spent at the University, about him becoming a Night Vale citizen in his literal anniversary speech about living ten years in Night Vale, and yet, there was no satisfying exploration (I'm not even asking for direct REASONS) as to why he might have left, why he never went back, or any of his involvement there. Saying it was all about love just... Isn't enough for me. Not when Carlos hasn't interacted with his town to demonstrate that life he's built, or how much its hurting him that they're rejecting him again. Not an ounce of how this has effect he and Cecil's relationship (again, Cecil is a chronic over sharer).
It slowly became less about delving into Carlos as a character and his relationship to this town, and processing perhaps grief from the DOW, and more about the shock value of losing beloved characters with no satisfying consequence or action. And then there was little things, specifically in this episode 230. If Janet announces something and it's framed in a way that it should upset Cecil (her telling him about the DOW) then he should have some sort of response to it. Even one line. Nothing. On HIS radio show. Not even a pause where it's made known that he HEARD her.
The whole arc just felt like it was trying to do much and gave itself a time restraint. They are the writers AND producers. No one is forcing them to stay within an episode limit. Especially not when it was hindering their ability to tell a good story.
And I think that's the kicker for me. It didn't feel like an episode of Night Vale. Sure they've played with format before, but this episode (230) didn't even remember that the show is built around Cecil telling stories. Even the episodes that have played with format/structure in the past have involved Cecil telling a story. Through his perspective. Voice appearances always offered some sort of relief to his bias as an unreliable narrator. There are so many interesting ways to incorporate voices instead of just some weird back and forth between two characters. Frame it as an on air interview where Cecil can't get a word in. Frame it as angry voicemails. Have Carlos tell us he's leaving via voice memo, and Cecil dealing with that ON AIR. Stop explaining what is happening and SHOW Us. You expect me to believe, a show that is so heavily influenced by its narrator time and time again, that Cecil was not angry? Was not heart broken? Was not begging Carlos for answers about anything at all? Annoying need to know everything anxiety riddled Cecil Palmer?
They're good writers. And I don't expect every episode to be like, life changing, but again, with an arc that was so heavily anticipated by everyone for so many years, it feels like a disservice to create a story that feels so thoroughly at odds with itself in tone and direction. I hate to sound so critical because I LOVE Night Vale with my whole heart, you guys know I do, but I can be critical of it when it's merited too. And I will continue loving it despite being critical, but I just wished the writers would slow down and maybe, I don't know, read some of their old episodes. And who knows! Maybe it's not over. Lubelle is not confirmed dead, Carlos having an interest in the DOW still is concerning, his parent was mentioned as some point of interest etc etc etc. Like there's a lot they can still do with it, but they just have to, you know, do it.
#sorry if this got a little rambly its real late by me#I just was really hoping they weren't going to rush the ending of this#and it felt like it WAS and ending#even if it wasnt#I just love Carlos so much#wtnv#welcome to night vale#wtnv spoilers
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do you want to get chicken noodles?
i've had several people wonder why i'm obsessed with playboyy's aob and why i'm constantly saddened by the indifference towards him on the dash so i figured i'd grab hold of my 'too much' habits again and do a breakdown of all the reasons i love aob.
as always, i'm just a little guy on the internet. i could be way off base, i could be seeing things that aren't there, i could be reading too much into things, could be forgetting points of the plot or times when people have mentioned aob in a bad light, whatever. i just ask that you be nice to me because i'm only this big 🤏🏻 (and i also took the time to make gifs of almost every single aob moment across 8 episodes and i've been working on this for 5 hours - some gifs are crunchy because i had to lower the quality to capture everything i want to address)
to preface, so much of aob isn't in what he says - you actually gain so much more to learn from aob about what he doesn't say and observing his body language and facial expressions closely. aob tells his entire story with his body, because that's how he's grown used to communicating.
episode 1 🌸
we see here aob is genuinely baffled by the behavior of teena and soong. he's used to the environment of playboyy where clients are just paychecks and there's game of cat and mouse and as a result no need for any sort of emotions or emotional manipulation. he's simply providing a service and doing a job. he doesn't have to lure and romance, his clients come to him. the idea of getting emotions involved is completely foreign to him.
episode 2 🌸
we're brought to a flashback almost immediately in episode 2 that raises a lot of questions but also shows us quite a bit. as aob walks up the stairs he moves as if he owns the place, with the utmost confidence. as he ascends we see security treat him with respect and offer wai's in passing - almost as if he is someone in charge here. this shows us what a big deal aob is among the club, how respected he is even as far as the security is concerned. i think it's a very interesting detail that helps back up aob's arrogance and confidence, because why would he be anything else?
the following conversation with the other workers is a bit confusing to me and as far as i recall we don't have all the answers to the questions it raises just yet. we do learn aob is the one that taught jump, teena, and soong during their time at playboyy. he asks them what they're going to do for a living if they're leaving and i think this conveys the idea that aob isn't as heartless as he appears. he worries for them and wonders how they'll take care of themselves if they leave.
teena makes a comment about the boss going too far but i'm not sure if we know what he means by that yet? i had actually completely forgotten about this encounter until i went back to grab screens. i want to comment on this part more but it's not really the point, i'm just really curious what the fuck they're talking about here as they seem to insinuate they've been forced to work here and even aob is surprised by that. this leads me to believe that aob might be a bigger part of the plot later on, perhaps in uncovering whatever was meant by these comments.
episode 4 🌸
i think this is the moment aob really lost favor with so much of the fandom and i do understand why, however, there's a lot that happens here that's very interesting to observe.
"Don't say 'true love' and 'soulmate.'"
i have to wonder why these were the first words aob brings up as soong laments his situation. no one said those words, aob, but you sure did.
teena then talks to soong about what he's heard and tells him he should be responsible for first's feelings in all of this to which aob makes the above expression. aob hates the discussion of feelings, believes emotions need to be removed from the equation entirely, and is baffled by the way his friends are acting about people that should be nothing more than clients and believes any form of relationship impossible.
"Try being in love." "What, stupid love?"
something about this makes me believe that aob doesn't know what love is, not real love. he dismisses it as stupid and scoffs while the others almost roll their eyes at him. it's easy for aob to give the advice he does when he doesn't have love burning a hole in his chest the way they do, he's never felt it before, doesn't know how all consuming it is.
and then as first confronts soong the camera pans from teena to aob and i find his expression very interesting. that doesn't look like a man removed of emotions. to me, that looks like a man that has just had his world tilted on it's axis and is now questioning everything he's ever told himself. he sees first's tears and the way soong stands still and listens as first falls apart. i think that moment truly startled him and drove home that the emotions between the boys and their 'clients' are very real.
episode 5 🌸
alright, episode 5 is a lot so i'm sorry for the absolute wall of gifs and texts coming for this single episode.
"Time to work, Puen."
aob meets puen on the stage and immediately his face falls as it's not him picked first but puen. later, aob walks into the back where puen is smoking and immediately takes in the sight of him.
"Are you Puen?" "I am." "You're quite hot."
"Come find me later. I want to know why you're so popular."
aob wants to know who has dethroned him and why his clients are so enamored with puen. what does puen, someone completely new to the business, have to offer that he doesn't? this is also where aob begins to look at puen and from here on he will never look away.
aob speaks so very much with his eyes. you can see his gaze drop and take in all of puen here during their 'evaluation' as he asks permission before going further with him. it's obviously quite professional but i think it also shows us that aob isn't as cold as he tells people he is; or perhaps that's just where puen is concerned.
this is really where i realized that much of understanding aob is reading into what he isn't saying or what his words are hiding.
"I knew it, you aren't that great."
but he is, because aob can't look away from him.
"...You attract clients that want to try new things. Once they are bored of you they'll dump you."
you're attracted to me and want to try something with me, but once you're bored you'll leave me.
"Why don't you teach me? I want to be like you."
show me what you want from me. i want you to like me.
"I'm sorry. I can't be a teacher. I'm a prostitute. Oh. Don't be like me." Because you can never be. Loser."
i'm sorry. i can't like you. i'm a prostitute. and please don't like me because i can never like you back. don't look to me anymore.
but puen accepts that challenge.
(i forgot to watermark this one lmao, i don't care enough to go fix it)
i'm still not entirely sure what to make of this moment with prom. why does he squeeze aob's shoulder as if to offer him some kind of reassurance? why does aob shake his head just the slightest bit and suddenly look like he's going to face a firing squad? does prom know it's already too late for aob, that he's in too deep? is he trying to prepare aob for the sudden fire in puen's veins? i'm really struggling to figure it out, really. i think it could mean quite a few things or nothing at all.
"Why are you criticizing me? People might think you're jealous of me."
puen has so very clearly learned what makes aob tick. he's learned that aob's pride is also his biggest weakness and he picks at that weak point to evoke a response from him - and it works. suddenly aob is all bluster and anger, but interestingly puen doesn't back down, doesn't even flinch. instead, he has a confident smile and meets aob's eyes with a challenge burning in his own.
aob doesn't know what to do with that. you can see it in the shift of his face. this expression is very similar to the one he makes when first confronts soong - he's on the wrong foot, confused and adrift because suddenly puen is no longer the innocent doe-eyed novice but someone who is pushing back and challenging him. no one has ever challenged him before.
they meet again later in the bathroom where aob is doing some sort of display of dominance perched on a urinal. listen, that's my blorbo, but even i can't defend that. baby get down from there, you're making even more of a fool of yourself.
"Do you want to eat chicken noodles with me?"
aob rejects the invitation and puen laments that he seemed fine earlier when they were in the room together.
"What happens in the room stays in the room, Puen. You can't have feelings for the clients. They'll be strangers when they leave."
what i do in the room with you has to stay there. i can't have feelings for you. you'll become a stranger to me when you leave.
"Why do you have to act so cold and emotionless to everyone?"
and aob doesn't answer. he doesn't even get angry. there's just a quiet look of resignation on his face and he bites his lip, almost like he's nervous, almost like puen is looking at him too closely and starting to see right through him.
"Can you have feelings for your friends or brothers?"
or for me.
"You aren't my friend or my brother. You're a competitor."
because you have to be. because i can't handle any alternative. i can't love you.
episode 6 🌸
they're in the bathroom again but this time it's puen waiting for aob asking why he's been avoiding him.
"Why can't you have sex like a couple? You taught me how to feel. So practice what you preach."
why can't we have sex like a couple? you taught me to remove the feelings from it so why can't you do that?
and i think it's very interesting that for a moment aob drops his gaze and looks away. he's been caught and called out and looks away almost in submission before pulling up his guard again.
"I don't have any feelings for a kid like you. I just can't do it. You're not sexy enough."
he attacks puen's looks but this is a direct contradiction to when they first met and the first thing he said was "You're quite hot." once again aob says the opposite of what he means.
i have feelings for you, this is why i can't have sex with you like a couple. i like you far too much.
"Fine. I'll be better than you someday."
fine. i'll make you love me.
and aob can't take it any longer. he goes just outside the door and breaks down because it's all so much; his feelings for puen, puen's refusal to back down, the turmoil he finds himself in having everything he's ever known turned upside down. he was never supposed to have feelings, least of all for someone as stubborn and determined as puen who breaks down his walls and challenges him at every turn. his will is breaking down every bit as much as he is in this moment.
episode 7 🌸
this was one of the first scenes to really make me emotional in this show. throughout this entire scene aob cannot look away from puen. all of his attention is on puen to the point where he neglects the client and even pushes him away. he touches only puen, kisses only puen. he seems almost tortured by the moment, to be so close but so far from the object of his desire.
and puen looks at him with the challenge in his eyes again, almost mocking: look at me, i've surpassed you. you can't take your eyes off me. i've won.
and aob continues to watch him, his eyes almost a caress, gaze almost reverent as if he's witnessing something holy. my man is absolutely lost in the sauce.
"You have a crush on a loser like me, huh? So you couldn't help yourself."
"This is how you pay me back?" why are you doing this to me? "Do it to me, not in front of the client. What's wrong with you?" don't challenge me in front of a client. don't push me.
but puen knows he's won, he knows he's hit the nail on the head and aob, as he always does, is growing defensive. because he's scared.
"But I'm glad that I'm important to you. Like I said, I will be better than you someday. But that day came so quickly. You lost."
i'm glad you've realized i'm important to you. like i said, i would make you love me. that day came so quickly. i've won.
episode 8 🌸
i didn't get gifs of the scene but prom asks aob if he's jealous of puen's popularity. that's all he asks. but what's interesting is aob replies:
"Jealous? I don't have feelings for him."
aob... i don't think that's what prom was asking. prom asked if you were jealous of his popularity among the clients, if you were jealous that he'd taken your throne.
and puen appears to challenge aob again, blows him a kiss almost as a reminder of their previous encounter. but aob doesn't get angry, doesn't rise to the bait. if anything he looks sad, maybe contemplative, and perhaps like he's coming to terms with something.
You only appreciate the value of something when you are about to lose it. It's just so fucking awful.
Especially when you know in your heart that you are powerless.
Because he isn't your boyfriend.
The more you want to know the more painful it gets.
throughout this entire scene aob looks so sorrowful, like he knows he has to do something soon or he will lose his chance with puen. he has to try because this powerless feeling is growing to be too much.
aob is waiting for puen at the bottom of the stairs and if you look he's bouncing his leg in a nervous tick. when puen rounds the corning his face is immediately in some semblance of a smile which is something we really haven't seen from aob. it gives the impression that he worked himself up to this moment despite how nervous he is. (his shirt is also very wrinkled, were you in a rush?)
"How are you going to haze me today?"
and this i think drives home that puen is tiring of their game. that aob is so very close to losing puen because puen is starting to believe aob's words, believe that aob doesn't like him and only wants to harass him.
so aob takes the leap.
(and i find the handle with care on the wall particularly interesting, as both of them need to be handled with care. aob, with his unfamiliar and warring feelings, and puen with his earnest and hopeful heart.)
and as aob bridges that gap puen looks taken aback and confused because what the fuck, aob isn't soft, doesn't do things like this.
"Do you want to get chicken noodles?"
aob asks, a throwback to the day puen had asked him on a date. an acknowledgement and an apology.
i'm sorry i wasn't ready then, but i'm ready now. will you still have me?
and that's why today's episode made me cry and why i love aob so, so very much. his journey learning his feelings and learning what love feels like and what love can be isn't pretty, he fights it tooth and nail the entire way, but the smile on both their faces as he jumps on puen's back gives me so much hope that they can be good for each other and support each other.
there are still so many episodes left and maybe i'll be wearing clown make up by the end of this, maybe my hopelessly disgustingly romantic heart has misled me, maybe i've read the facial expressions and body language all wrong, but regardless of all of that aob and puen are so special to me.
#please be nice to me#my stomach is in my throat#im so scared of looking like a fool#bunn meta#playboyy#playboyy the series#aobpuen#aun warit#parm pawarate#userrain
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