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mypoisonedvine · 4 years

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More Human Than Human | dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader (Blade Runner AU)

[for @nellblazer‘s eighties-themed challenge! thanks for hosting babe, sorry it’s slightly late!]

warnings: smut (noncon), choking, violence/guns/fighting, degradation, general nastiness. and less importantly, just a shitload of gifs to create ~atmosphere~

word count: 3.5k

Early in the 21st century, the Tyrell Corporation advanced robot evolution into the Nexus phase -- a being virtually identical to a human -- known as a REPLICANT.

The Nexus 6 Replicants were superior in strength and agility, and at least equal in intelligence, to the genetic engineers who created them.

Replicants were used Off-world as slave labor, in the hazardous exploration and colonization of other planets.

After a bloody mutiny by a Nexus 6 combat team in an Off-world colony, Replicants were declared illegal on earth -- under penalty of death.

Special police squads -- BLADE RUNNER Units -- had orders to shoot to kill, upon detection, any trespassing Replicant.

This was not called execution.

This was called retirement.

“Officer Barnes.”

Bucky looked up from his instant ramen, extremely disinterested in interacting with his supervisor but aware that he didn’t have much of a choice.

“New lead on a hideout somewhere beneath the city. One of the females from our favorite renegade crew of Off-world slaves.”

Bucky paused before responding.

“...somewhere?” he mumbled around a mouthful of noodles.

“I’ve already uploaded the coordinates to your vehicle.”

Bucky sighed quickly. “Can I finish this first?” he asked, pointing to the noodles with his chopsticks.

“Intel’s fresh. Let’s get there while it’s still accurate. You know how quick they move.”

“Can’t someone else do it?”

The supervisor cracked a crooked grin, toothy and dirty. Bucky grimaced.

“Come on,” the man suddenly became jovial, though his attempted manipulation was obvious, “you know you’re the best. This has been a tough nut to crack, they’ve killed a lot of people and the other Blade Runners… they don’t have what you have. They’re too green. I need my best guy for this; I need the Winter Soldier.”

“You know I hate that name,” Bucky shook his head, “and I don’t like retiring the newer models. They’re too… smooth. Too real.”

“They’re not real,” the man assured, all friendliness lost from his voice as his impatience took over. “And they’re dangerous. Now get in the damn car and retire the bitch.”

Bucky sighed, tossing his half-finished meal into the trash and clipping his blaster back onto his belt.

The bustling of the city was mostly muted inside the station, but once he stepped outside into the rain, he was bombarded with it all: the damp, wet air; the conversations of everyone passing by, mostly shouted into earpieces in languages he only roughly understood; the smell of exhaust, cigarette smoke, and stir fry cooking at a nearby food stall.

He brushed past the crowds to make his way to the car lot, taking a slightly longer but less crowded route. He was really good at ignoring things in times like this. He ignored the noise that most would’ve found overwhelmingly loud, as well as the misty rain and humid night breeze.

He ignored the shouts of someone in the distance as he got into the car, which turned its own engine as he scanned his badge. The intel blinked onto the screen, informing him of the rogue units and their apparent location. As he confirmed his route, he scrolled through the files. The information was limited, the result of a recent hack on the LAPD’s computer system attempting to prevent exactly what he was doing now: hunting you down.

You navigated through the busy streets as you made your way back home after dinner. You very rarely went out, fearful you would be spotted by someone important, but you had realized after months of hiding that if someone was going to find you, they would have by now.

Peddlers carried bags and baskets of ingredients-- all of them just repurposed and manufactured chemical byproducts-- past you along the sidewalk. The food was the thing you really loved about Earth. Off-world there was only basic, raw protein in bars. You had only recently become aware that there was more to food than sustenance and survival, and even now you couldn’t imagine eating the same thing for every meal despite having done it your entire life.

A lot of concepts were being introduced to you on Earth, in fact. Earth was dirtier than your off-world accommodations. More smoke, more dust. After all, earth was the word for the dirt the planet was covered in. There was no earth, no dirt, in space. That didn’t mean it was clean, of course, but it was cleaner than this. Now you were kicking litter to the side as you moved forward, ignoring strewn pieces of cardboard and scrap metal that gathered at the edges of buildings and roads.

Where space had been empty and cold, Earth was alive but overwhelming. The truth was, you realized now that beauty had come from your experiences off-world. Not that it justified your enslavement, but you had experienced things you figured you never would again: community, for one.

You could hear the dog barking as you opened your door, and he jumped up onto your legs in excitement. It was impossible not to smile with this animal greeting you so excitedly; you understood now why humans liked them enough to keep creating artificial ones, although since you had found this one abandoned in the street, clearly they were manufacturing too many.

Shutting the door behind you, you grabbed the leash you kept draped with your coats, collaring the dog to take him for his last walk of the night. As you left you glanced out your window, jumping up when you saw an LAPD car landing outside your building. He probably wasn’t here for you, right? You decided to take the back way out, but he was already ahead of you.

Down the hallway you saw the figure of a man approaching you. You could tell just by the way he walked that he was a Blade Runner, and your blood went cold. The good thing about your model was that you blended in with humans. You’d only gotten better at it in the past few months. You just hoped you were good enough.

Turning and beginning to walk away, he waved you down and you froze, realizing it was too late to run.

“Is it real?” he asked as he stepped up and you turned to face him; for a second, you didn’t know what he was referring to, but then he looked down to the dog.

You followed his gaze and laughed. “If it was real, don’t you think I’d be living somewhere nicer than this?”

He looked at the door behind you. “So you live here?”

You hesitated, and already he knew that you were going to tell him that you needed to be on your way.

He was a step ahead of you, flashing his badge quickly. “LAPD business.”

“What… is the LAPD’s business with me?” you asked slowly.

“Why don’t you let me in and we’ll talk about it?” he suggested.

“I was just about to walk him--”

“It can wait,” he interrupted sternly, his expression hardening a little. “Won’t take long, leave the dog outside.”

You nodded quickly, tying the leash to a handrail with your shaking hands; you slipped back into the apartment, shutting your door after he followed you in.

“So, officer…”

“Barnes.”

“Right. Officer Barnes. Would you like something to… drink?”

He shook his head, taking a seat at your dining table like he owned the place. He motioned for you to sit across from him as if he owned you, too. You did, because for all intents and purposes in this moment, he did.

The Blade Runner set his weapon on the table slowly.

You swallowed dryly, looking at it before turning your gaze to the window, and the blue-green reflections of the city outside. “It’s time for my retirement, huh?”

In the peripheral of your vision, he nodded.

“Did the others put up a fight?”

He paused before answering, like he was remembering. Remembering the deaths of your friends. “They tried,” he eventually said.

You looked down, taking a deep breath. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, but I may not answer.”

“Why do you do this?”

“It’s my job.”

“Yes, but, you don’t have to do anything. I was a slave. I really did have to do everything. You have choice; you have an entire life to live. Why would you spend it doing this?”

He laughed a little-- not so much a laugh as a sharp exhale through his nose, like you were delusional, like your opinion was a complete waste of his time.

“Nevermind,” you scoffed, “I know why you do it. You hate us. You think we’re all evil.”

He shook his head. “Machines are like anything: good or bad. If they’re good, they’re not my problem.”

“You think I’m a machine?” you asked incredulously, nodding to his bionic arm. He winced, like he thought you hadn’t noticed, but even a leather jacket and biker gloves couldn’t hide his dirty little secret from you. You were a little too observant for that.

“Lost this arm to one of your kind,” he explained with a scowl.

“I lost everything to your kind,” you hissed.

He smiled a little. “You never had anything to lose. You never had anything.”

“And whose fault is that?”

He shrugged. “Not mine.��

You sighed with exhaustion; humans were all the same. They spent all their lives deflecting blame, shirking responsibility. “My name is--”

“I know your name,” he interrupted firmly. “N6FQB21416.”

You grimaced. “That’s not a name, that’s a serial number.”

“I don’t really give a shit about either. What worries me is the offenses listed in your file.” He cleared his throat as he recalled the list. “Launched a mutiny which killed 14 men. Stole a ship. Illegally trespassed into Earth’s atmosphere. Killed 8 more people in your journey from the port to Los Angeles. And, presumably, you killed whoever was living here and have been squatting in their apartment ever since.”

You’d found it abandoned, actually, but there really wasn’t much point in disputing his claims.

He sighed before he spoke again. “All this over a few more months?”

You looked away, trying not to think about how much time you’d wasted seeking liberation from the built-in expiration on a replicant’s lifespan. It was ingrained in your DNA, you couldn’t stop it. You had been living in denial of this for quite some time now and you preferred to keep it that way.

“You’re going to die either way,” he added coldly, “so why all this violence? All the fighting?”

“Because for now, I’m still alive. To live is to fight.”

“I guess I can agree with that,” he replied gruffly.

With that, you made a run for the living room-- there was a gun under the couch, if you could just reach it in time--

But he was already on you, laughing at your pitiful clawing on the floor.

“Officer Barnes, please--” you begged with the last of your thin breath.

“Call me Bucky,” he instructed as his hand wrapped around your neck.

Your mouth opened to speak, to gasp for air, but it was useless.

“You weren’t a laborer, were you?” he growled, pinning you down. “You were a pleasure unit.”

You ignored his realization, continuing to attempt to fight.

“You’re weak,” he hissed, “I’m amazed you’re even trying. Don’t they train the fight out of you?”

He was right. They had. You’d been trained back into that instinct by the Resistance, but you weren’t made to fight. You weren’t even made to work. Your greatest purpose had always been to simply be beautiful and stay still.

“There are probably thousands just like you, you know. Identical in every way,” he explained coldly. “And you think you’re more human than me? You’re a fucking skinjob.”

“Fuck you,” you strained as his weight knocked the air out of you, your hands clawing fruitlessly for something to grab onto.

“Give into your instincts,” he encouraged as you felt his hands grabbing at the top of your leggings.

What was actually disgusting was that you did, for a moment, relaxing into his grip before your fight renewed again.

“Get off me! I’ll fucking kill you, I swear!” you yelped.

You couldn’t see it, but you felt the business end of his blaster press against your head. You stilled.

“You did this for years,” he reminded you. “What’s one more time?”

“You’re gonna retire me either way,” you hissed.

“Maybe I’ll let you live,” he shrugged.

“You’re a Blade Runner,” you shook your head. “All you know is killing.”

“It’s not killing,” he insisted. “You’re a replicant. All you know is obedience. Stay fucking still.”

You felt his weapon slide against your head a bit as he adjusted to holding it with one hand, the other moving to his belt.

It was humiliatingly easy to slip back into the mindless slave you’d been before. So much work to make you a freedom fighter, and it only took less than a minute to renege on it all.

You felt what must’ve been his cock rubbing near your opening, spreading the wetness he found there. “Fuck, you’re soaking,” he laughed mockingly.

He began to push forward and you thought he might split you in half; you cried out as he groaned with pleasure.

You heard him sigh as he buried himself in you, not moving for a moment and just basking in the feeling. If nothing else, you were thankful for the moment’s reprieve, but you would need a lot longer than he was likely to give if you were going to adjust to his size.

You could stop yourself from whimpering a little when he pulled nearly all the way out, the sound morphing suddenly into a yelp as he thrust forward roughly. His fingers were digging into your shoulder hard enough to bruise-- everything he was doing, he was doing hard enough to bruise. Did it always hurt this much? You couldn’t remember now.

“You’re tight,” he informed you through his teeth, sounding strained. “Almost better than the real thing.”

Tears welled in your eyes, more from his words than the pain at this point; more from being pinned to the floor than why you were pinned to the floor. You didn’t understand the opinion of replicants as ‘fake’. When cut, you bled. When hurt, you cried. Your body was as much flesh and blood as his-- moreso, in fact. You were the real thing, at least to the touch. You knew better than anyone that there was no soul in this body… but the body was real. Just as weak to him as a human would be.

Each movement inside you rocked you forward; you were worried you’d get seasick as you tried to focus on the feeling of the hardwood beneath your fingers and nothing else.

You felt your body begin to truly relax and go limp, and his weight on you lessened when he realized you would submit. “That’s it, just let go,” he encouraged quietly, moving his hands to your hips instead, pulling them up a little to push deeper into you. “Maybe it’d feel good if you let yourself enjoy it.”

Your enjoyment had never really been much of a factor before. You knew how to put on a show for the ones who got off on porn star moans and screams, but it was just for appearances. Even better than that, you knew how to lay there and take it, and that seemed like plenty for today.

He leaned forward and wrapped his hand around your neck, not tightening his grip but rather simply feeling your pulse beneath his fingers. Paradoxically, you felt your inner walls get slicker as they fluttered with pleasure.

“See?” he grinned, moving down until his breath was hot on the back of your neck. “You can like it.”

He fucked you with more vigor then, and you moaned.

“Fuck, you like it rough, don’t you?” he asked as his tone shifted from mocking to deadly serious. “I understand. You’ve done it so many times that this is the only way you can feel anything.”

You snorted out a weak laugh. “I could say the same to you.”

The metal hand, protected by his glove, shoved your face into the ground roughly as he fucked you harder than you’d known was possible. That glove was made of leather, and that leather came from an artificial bull. You realized that he thought of you as no better than that. You wondered if he was right.

“Say that you love it,” he hissed into your ear, pulling your hair roughly.

“I love it,” you answered quickly.

“Say that you love me,” he added with a growl.

“I love you.”

He laughed coldly, grabbing a handful of your ass as he watched himself sink into you, your body accepting him so easily just as your mind had begun to. “How’s it feel to get fucked by a Blade Runner, huh?”

“F-feels good,” you sobbed. “Please, don’t stop…”

“You gonna come? Can you even do that, do they let you?”

You could, though you almost never had. Against everything, a pressure was building in your body that you didn’t know how to stop.

“Bucky,” you groaned, a plea for something that you couldn’t put words to.

“Go ahead, come on my cock,” he permitted flippantly. You didn’t want to do anything he told you to, but somehow he was hitting all the most delicate places inside you. He moved even faster, chasing his own high, just as you reached yours.

Your nails dug into the floor as you came with a strained sob, your body quivering with white-hot shocks until your vision started to get spotty.

“Fuck,” he groaned from behind you, “you’re squeezin’ me, ‘s so tight…”

His words were lost to you; your ears were ringing, and though the height of the feeling had passed, you still felt incredibly sensitive. He showed no signs of stopping. You weren’t sure how much more you could take.

“Please, s-slow down,” you begged, reaching back to try to push him back by his hips. He grabbed your wrist and forced your arm into an awkward position behind your back.

“Don’t get greedy, doll,” he purred, the sarcastic petname making you feel a little nauseous. “I haven’t even come yet; isn’t that what you’re for? To make me feel good?”

You couldn’t answer as he started to choke you again, your sobs cut into silence.

“Don’t worry, ‘m close,” he grunted. “Gonna fill up this wet little cunt. You want it, don’t you?”

You nodded, fighting the numbness creeping into your face.

“Yeah, I know you do. Tell me how bad you want it,” he demanded as he released his grip.

“I want it so bad, Bucky!” you yelped suddenly, voice hoarse and desperate. “Come inside me, please--”

“Fuck!” he groaned one last time. You could feel his cock flexing and throbbing inside you as his movements began to slow, though he didn’t come to a full stop for quite some time. You’d never before been so sure that a man had emptied his entire load into you, but the way Bucky moaned made it undeniable. Even when he slowly pulled out, you still felt so full. And sore.

He sighed with relieved exhaustion, standing up and looking down at you for a second before walking to the other side of the room, finding your record player-- the record was still spinning.

He dropped the needle and smiled a little as the song came on: Sinatra.

“Wow, oldies. Are these yours or did you just find them here?” he asked you, turning back to face you again.

You didn’t answer, scowling at him as you tried to catch your breath.

“You’re still worn out then. Figured you’d be tougher.”

You turned away, pushing yourself off the floor and adjusting your clothes until you were at least mostly put back together.

You glanced to the window but he’d already reattached his weapon to his belt, and you knew he could get it out faster than you could jump through the glass. Not to mention the eight-story drop. As much as you didn’t want to be a slave again, you weren’t ready to be ‘retired,’ whether it be by the Blade Runner’s blaster or your own outrageous escape plan.

When you looked at him again, he was staring at you.

“You’ll give into your obedient instincts quicker next time, I bet,” he announced suddenly. The scary thing was that you weren’t upset by his words, just relieved, because a next time meant however many days until then that you would be spared. “Aren’t you tired of living on the run?”

You were. It hadn’t been so bad when it was you and your team against the world, living together in abandoned buildings and in the outskirts of the country where everything was desert and dry grass. But then you’d split up and tried to lay low, and it was lonely. As twisted as it was, Bucky using you reminded you of a long-forgotten purpose, ingrained deep into your mind… so deep you could never really let it go.

“Are you?” you returned his question, after a long time spent in thought.

“Yes,” he answered after an even longer pause. “But I think you’ll help with that.”

With that, he scooped you up into his arms and began to carry you out the door. “Somebody to come home to will be nice,” he considered wistfully, “even if it’s just for a few more months.”

#dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky headcanons #dark!bucky smut #winter soldier smut #winter soldier non con #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier fanfiction #winter soldier x y/n #dark!bucky barnes x reader #dark!bucky barnes smut

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thebibliomancer · 3 years

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Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #7-9

November, 1984

BERSERKER!

The death of an Avenger! The X-Men’s greatest battle! And, introducing the all-new SPIDER-WOMAN!

The cover sure isn’t burying the lede. This comic sure does introduce an All-New (presumably All-Different) Spider-Woman! Jessica Drew, move over! For now. You’ll be the Spider-Woman that endures in the long run.

Last times on Secret Wars: Some amazingly powerful being from Beyond the universe called the Beyonder kidnaps a bunch of heroes, villains, shades thereof, and chunks of random planets to put on a big toy commercial where action figures can bonk off each other.

The X-Men ditched the other heroes to do their own thing, as they’re wont to do. The villains storm the hero base and drop a mountain on them. The heroes take refuge at a small village where Johnny Storm finds a new girlfriend but there’s also a Galactus.

Galactus starts preparing a device to eat Battleworld, which would let him win the toy commercial in one fell swoop.

Oh, and Wasp was kidnapped by Magneto, escaped, crashed her escape ship, found the Lizard, and then got lasered to death by the Wrecking Crew. It was a Bad Time and I am sad, even though we know Wasp will be okay by the time they get back from Battleworld.

This time: Further not burying the lede.

The cover promised a new Spider-Woman and dammit, here’s one right away, first page. Truth in advertising!

Spider-Woman herself wastes no time introducing herself to everyone, that she comes from a chunk of Denver that got raptured by the Beyonder (still want that miniseries), that she came to help when she saw evidence of super fighting, and that she can pick up and throw large rocks so clearly she’d be able to help.

Captain America is hesitant about all this and Spider-Woman assumes that he thinks she’s a spy but as Captain America points out, why would Doom need to mess around with spies when he’s got so much power at his disposal.

Spider-Man is also hesitant at this new character. For different reasons.

Spider-Man: “She tossed that boulder as easily as I could have... at least! I wonder if she sticks to walls, too! And I wonder if I can sue her for infringing on my shticks! I should have gotten a patent or trademark or something...”

Cap tries to settle on the argument that a Secret War is too dangerous but Spider-Woman has the exceptional point “I suspect that it’s no less dangerous for the spectators, Captain America -- I might as well pitch in!”

And then the obvious toy pitch vehicle that the Wrecking Crew was driving in the swamp yesterday drives through the village blowing shit up, restarting the fires that the heroes just put out, and most insultingly of all, throwing Wasp van Dyne’s dead deceased corpse out the hatch before driving off.

Those dicks.

The heroes rush to Wasp and take her to Zsaji. That cool lady tries to heal Wasp but Jan has no pulse and isn’t breathing and might be beyond Cura. This may take Phoenix Down.

But since she went and got herself disintegrated on the Moon, Wasp is clearly dead forever.

-Looks over at Avengers #243- Hush, you!

The assembled heroes want to rush Doombase and kick the shit out of the villains and specifically the Wrecking Crew but Captain America tells them no.

Captain America: “Now, listen to me -- ! While we’re off getting even, what if Galactus starts to use that world-eating machine he’s building up on that mountain? Then every living thing on this world -- including these innocent villagers and all those people from that suburb of Denver will die! We’ve got to stay right here, ready to attack him! We may have only seconds to react when it begins!”

She-Hulk storms off while the other heroes debate the Galactus situation.

I’m sure this is fine.

Meanwhile, on the more volcano-y side of the planet, Xavier orders Cyclops, Rogue, and Wolverine to pursue Doom’s Four villains Molecule Man, Titania, Absorbing Man, and Doctor Octopus to try to capture them before they can return to Doom.

Back over at Doombase, Titania sees that her “little Owie” has been badly hurt and begs Enchantress to help.

Volcana: “Enchantress! You’re a sorceress! You could use your magic to transport me to my Owen!”

Enchantress -busy getting drunk-: “Yes... but why would I, mortal?”

Volcana: “Well... because... because I need you to! I can’t fly a ship! I -- I don’t even have a driver’s license for a car! Ultron won’t help me -- ! He only takes orders from Doom!”

Enchantress: “It takes much energy to transport a body as bloated as yours! I cannot be bothered!”

Wow! You’re a dick!

Volcana catches a lot of fat jokes and she’s not depicted as looking any different from Standard Comic Book Body Type. But also, don’t fatshame at all, Enchantress.

Anyway, Volcana promises anything to Enchantress if she helps.

Enchantress: “Rash words, mortal wench... and later, you shall deeply regret them!”

Its very handy for the villains that Volcana just showed up because their airship almost immediately gets show down by the X-Men. So even with Molecule Man out of commission, their numbers are back to Doom’s Four. And Volcana calls dibs on beating up Wolverine.

The X-Men have numbers but they’re not doing super well. Professor X is on the scene trying to be the field leader but the chaos of the battle and the villains’ minds being blocked by Enchantress’ magic makes it hard for him to coordinate.

Magneto even gets smack-talked by Absorbing Man.

Absorbing Man: “Tell me, Magneto. What’s scum like you doin’ hangin’ around with the X-Men? Sure, they’re outlaws -- but I thought you was big time! You got mass murder raps, manslaughter, terrorism, what else? Probably everything! You’re one of us! On second thought, a creampuff like you belongs with them losers!”

I can’t believe Magneto has to take that from a man who constantly carries a large metal orb with him everywhere.

Wolverine manages to slice off Absorbing Man’s arm, although the guy was made of rock at the time so it wasn’t as gory as it could have been.

Absorbing Man just. Picks up his arm and runs off to hit someone with it.

Amazing.

The villains manage to pin down the heroes with some Volcana blast and then steal one of the X-Men’s ships and get away.

Professor X declares that this is Totally a victory.

Xavier: “We lost nothing, save one of our ships -- which matters little -- and we gained much! We coalesced as a fighting unit passing our greatest test to date and I think we proved ourselves -- beyond a doubt!”

Like, you had a scuffle with some villains that ended inconclusively even though you had the advantage of a sneak attack, the villains stole one of your ships, and there was no major damage to either side.

It was largely pointless. But I guess Xavier has a vested interest in declaring it a huge success since it was his inaugural go at being field commander.

Meanwhile, skulking around Galactus’ ship, DOOM complains about doing that.

Doom: “Doctor Doom - a burglar! Rummaging about in another being’s home, seeking to steal some priceless thing! Bah! What choice do I have? I need a key, a way -- ! My armor’s sensors have led me to prize after prize -- hundreds, thousands of devices which, in the hands of a man as brilliant as myself could provide power to conquer entire galaxies -- ! Yet, all of them combined are not enough to defeat Galactus -- let alone the Beyonder! There must be a way! Doom must be supreme!”

Unfortunately for Doom, despite the volcano distraction making Galactus sigh and have to spend time fixing the planet so he can eat it, he senses something amiss in his house and mentally yeets Doom back to Battleworld.

The villains return back to Doombase but Doctor Octopus can’t help Molecule Man because dammit he’s a nuclear physicist, not a medical doctor! Ultron tells Volcana that there are medical devices that could fix Molecule Man up nicely but since he doesn’t have any relevant orders from Doom, he’s just going to stand here and look pretty. And Enchantress says she could heal him with a wave of her hand but refuses to because Volcana already gave her a blank check.

Absorbing Man returns and reattaches his arm by basically hoping like hell it’ll just be better if he holds it in place when he reverts to skin flesh.

And the Wrecking Crew have to throw the Lizard into a cell because he hasn’t stopped trying to eat their faces for killing Wasp, his new best friend.

The Wrecking Crew doesn’t get a chance to enjoy being back at base because She-Hulk has broken in and beats the crap out of them off-screen.

Titania comes in and starts fighting She-Hulk STARTING AN ENDURING RIVALRY.

Its fun how much got its start in Secret Wars.

The two fight more or less evenly from what I can tell but uh Doctor Octopus joins in as does the Absorbing Man and the Wrecking Crew once they catch their breath.

And She-Hulk is strong but this is a stomp.

In another part of Doombase where the Enchantress is sitting in “sullen reverie” refusing to get involved in the fight she can here, instead thinking about how much she’s going to seduce the crap out of Thor.

Doom arrives at Himbase after being expelled from Galactus’ ship and refuses to explain anything to Enchantress. He just stumbles over to his sweet bed and collapses in it.

Doom: “It is over... Finished...”

Back over at Zsaji’s Village, the heroes realize that She-Hulk took off. Hawkeye figures that she went after the villains and asks to go after her.

Hawkeye: “She can’t take ‘em alone, Cap! She needs us!”

Huh! When the chips are down even though they fought, Clint and Jen sure are coworkers.

Hulk also asks to go after her since she’s his cousin. The acknowledgement of which is what I’ve been wanting all along.

But Cap tells them no.

Hulk: “I don’t suppose you’d consider putting it to a vote?”

Trying to appeal to his love of democracy. How wily.

Captain America: “My heart would vote ‘yes’ in a minute... Too many innocent lives are at stake here, though! Many more than the few people on this planet -- we’ve got a universe depending on what we do here! We can’t allow ourselves the luxury of making decisions with our hearts!”

But Cap receives a psychic skype from Professor X who tells him that the X-Men can take Galactus watching duty for a bit so run along and save your teammate, you scamp.

Cap accepts.

Its fun how the tide of battle has shifted back and forth.

Now the heroes are largely fresh, having been sitting on their ass staring at Galactus, and the villains are bloodied from several fights with the X-Men and She-Hulk. Plus, their big gun Molecule Man got Wolverine’d.

But next issue is something so big that it overshadows basically everything else in Secret Wars.

December, 1984

INVASION!

YEAH ITS VENOM

OR WILL BE

Also, a bunch of other stuff happens. The cover is kind of funny for maybe unintentionally presaging what would happen where the black costume being more remembered than everything else in Secret Wars in general but definitely this issue specifically.

There’s actually a lot of really cool stuff happening in this issue.

Cap(tain America)’s group of heroes storms Doom’s Doombase, lucking out that Doom is too stunned by being expelled from Galactus’ ship to attempt any kind of defense and nobody else on his team has the braincells to be watching out for an attack.

Enchantress hears the heroes breaking in but she’s well and truly drunk by this point.

And bemoans her secret god meeting with Thor. That she was going to try to cast a spell on him to bend him to her will but is aware that she might have flipped good for him instead. And even now wonders what she’ll do if Thor shows up in front of her.

The villains still beating She-Hulk to her death hear the heroes breaking into the base and run off to ambush them, Doc Ock slamming She-Hulk against some wreckage as a coup de grace.

Wrecker gets the jump on Iron Man and Doc Ock dumps a convenient tank of water on Human Torch but Spider-Man jumps in and drops Bulldozer with one punch before he can pulp an extinguished Johnny.

The Thing tries fighting Absorbing Man but wouldn’t you know it, the Thing’s thingness fades at the worst time again, leaving him powerless.

Spider-Woman jumps in to save him.

She didn’t get to really do much in her actual introductory issue, despite being on the cover and splash. She just kinda shows up and goes ‘i can definitely help!’

She makes a much better second impression this time. Almost like she’s aware that she needs to sell herself.

Spider-Woman: “A clean knockout -- ! Of the awesome Absorbing Man -- ! And it’s only the fifth time I’ve ever been in a fight! The new Spider-Woman wins again!”

Marvel really wants you to like this non-Jessica Drew.

Piledriver charges Hawkeye, mocking him for missing with his arrows and gloating that arrows are useless to a guy who’s immune to bullets.

Piledriver: “Hawkeye the Archer! Hah! Boy you gonna need Hawkeye the M.A.S.H. doctor in a minute -- ‘cause I reckon this good ol’ boy is gonna ‘mash’ you!”

Good one, Piledriver. Good banter.

Hawkeye: “Those shots were just warnings, dummy! I don’t want to have to hit you! From my bow, at this range, an arrow hits a lot harder than any bullet! Back off... please...”

We did learn in the Hawkeye mini that Hawkeye’s bow has a ridiculous draw strength.

This is a pretty good Hawkeye moment people don’t really point to a lot.

Also, I do love when an invincible or durable person who isn’t used to getting hurt gets hurt once and goes ‘NOPE! I DO NOT CARE FOR THIS!’

Hulk busts into Enchantress’ drinking room and unfortunately falls for her “I am but a helpless female!” routine. She gets all up in his business, magically puts him to sleep, and then pours herself another drink.

It could have been a good day for Enchantress if Captain America hadn’t come in right after.

Captain America: “What have you done to the Hulk?”

Enchantress: “For the moment, he is merely asleep. Doubtless dreaming dreams of me! But, alas, he can never truly have me, for I am yours, my handsome captain! Am I not beautiful? Come to me...”

Points for audacity but Captain America is a champion of not thinking with his dick. Blah blah willpower is legendary, socked Prometheus in the noggin. You get it.

Anyway, he socks Enchantress in the noggin with his shield and knocks her out.

Hawkeye and unthinged Ben try to find the rest of the heroes but run into Klaw and Lizard, who Klaw let out of his cell because he didn’t like to see anyone imprisoned but also because he liked the way Lizard talks. What an audiophile.

Ben Grimm: “Uh... any ideas, Hawk?”

Hawkeye: “Well... I guess we’ll have to outwit ‘em!”

Ben Grimm: “Us?!”

Hah.

Thor, Iron Man, Spider-Woman, and Mr Fantastic find Volcana and Molecule Man.

Iron Man makes the dubious tactical decision to charge right into Volcana’s plasma burst and burns out his armor.

Mr Fantastic pulls him out of the way and the other heroes try to get through Molecule Man’s fused air molecules invisible shield. They fail until Captain Marvel just lightbeams right through it. Because its transparent.

Love it. Love that her power works like that. Because it should.

Captain Marvel grabbing Molecule Man pulls open his Wolverine wounds and he passes out. Volcana surrenders to spare her boyfriend more pain.

Not that Monica intended that or knew he was wounded. This is still early Monica before Nextwave hardened her outlook. This is the Monica who was horrified when Blackout and Moonstone got pulled through a singularity.

Titania tried to drop a forty-ton beam on the heroes’ heads but is interrupted by Spider-Man thanks to his spectacular spider-sense.

She out-muscles him by a lot but she can’t actually lay a hit on him because he’s got superior spider agility. Maybe if she had more experience it’d be different but she’s basically in the angry flailing stage of her skill tree so far.

Spidey brags “With a little room to operate, no one can lay a glove on me -- not the X-Men, not the Absorbing Man, and not you!”

Titania: “When I get you I’ll -- AGGH!”

Spider-Man: “All you’re going to get is frustrated... and, eventually, trashed!”

Titania: “No! It’s not fair! *UHH!*”

Spider-Man: “But, if we were fighting in a broom closet, that’d be fair, right?”

Titania: “Stop it! Stop it! Stop -- !”

Spider-Man: “You ought to be happy, cuddles! You aspired to be a bully, and, man, you’re a classic! You talk tough and nasty when you’ve got the upper hand -- but when you’re losing -- well, that’s when the whining little wimp-ette inside comes spilling out!”

And then he defenestrates her without a window.

Fun fact: she apparently developed a Spider-Man phobia from this.

Understandably.

Y’know, in terms of embarrassing and traumatizing people, Spider-Man is having a good run in this story.

Captain American and Human Torch find a passed out Piledriver who fainted from blood loss after staggering away. And they find Ultron, standing between them and Doom.

Ultron is an Avengers-tier stomper who takes down entire teams and there’s just two heroes who coincidentally were both portrayed by Chris Evans. And the Human Torch’s fire is ineffective as Ultron gloats.

Ultron: “The core of the hottest star could not melt my adamantium body, human! Nothing can harm me! I am invincible! I am mechanically precise and computer-swift! I am perfect!”

When Ultron grapples Human Torch and starts throttling him, Cap tells him to use his nova-flame. Then hides behind his shield.

The flame melts a good portion of the room and the air being superheated somehow doesn’t make Cap crispy. And when the nova flare of the nova flame fades, Ultron’s chassis is still intact.

But the heat damaged something inside and Ultron is down. Johnny is also down, spent from the nova.

I like that the Fantastic Four would have their own way to deal with Ultron should that ever come up. Has it? You’d think it would.

Captain America proceeds to Doom alone but Doom is non-responsive from being Galactus’d.

And Reed, Spider-Man, and Hulk finds Hawkeye and Ben Grimm, where they have outwitted Klaw and Lizard.

Lizard: “Disssturb our gamess-s and the Lizard will dessstroy you! Once we finissh, we will do as you s-ssay!”

Well, whatever works!

With the fighting done, Captain Marvel finds She-Hulk, barely alive. The heroes jam her into a healing tube saving her in the nick of time.

The heroes also jam the villains into healing tubes because they’re heroes and are nice like that.

Considering the heroes were fighting to take prisoners and the villains very much weren’t, it’s lucky that the heroes won the majority of conflicts and got away from the one they didn’t.

The villains that didn’t need bacta treatments - or whatever is in those tubes - got shoved into cells. Also, Doom, because he might need the healing juice but it would require peeling him out of his armor and its probably booby-trapped.

Hawkeye and Captain Marvel return to the village to bring Wasp’s body to DoomHerobase for a funeral but they’re in for a surprise.

It turns out that Zsaji WAS able to heal Wasp who wasn’t dead just in a laser-induced death-like stasis. AS YA DO. It nearly killed Zsaji to bring Wasp back from such grievous injuries.

Colossus learns this by getting into her exposition drugs while she’s passed out and mind-melding with her.

Of course, it just makes the big lug fall deeper in love with her.

The important takeaway is that Wasp is alive. Just like we knew that she would be. The universe has been set right.

Over at Herobase, Reed Richards fixes the Iron Man armor after Rhodey got it a little melted.

Iron Man, James Rhodes: “I’m curious... were you surprised there was a black man under the metal?”

Reed Richards: “Hmm... No, I never gave it a thought! I knew there was a man under there...”

Its a nice exchange.

Its kinda ruined retroactively by Illuminati revealing that Reed knew Tony was Iron Man and would have known about Tony having to step down due to his alcoholism and likely knew about Rhodey taking over.

Dammit, Illuminati!

Elsewhere in the base, Spider-Man spots Hulk and Thor coming out of a room with Thor sporting a brand new cape and helmet. They tell Spidey that there’s a device in there that will make any clothes you want.

Except Spider-Man doesn’t bother asking which device and they don’t bother specifying so Spidey just picks the likeliest one and gets a black glob.

An important black glob.

To eventually be revealed to be an alien goo symbiote and later eventually tied to a dark god that predates the universe.

But for right now, its a way to incorporate a new costume design that a fan submitted. And Spider-Man handwaves it not looking like his old costume by assuming he was thinking of the new Spider-Woman.

So that’s how it is, Pete? She ‘ripped’ you off so you’re gonna rip her off?

You know whats really funny?

A month before this came out, in Spider-Man’s own book, he had learned that the costume was a living symbiote and had gotten rid of it.

It be like that with Secret Wars but its still funny that we’re finally seeing him get the costume just as he’s getting rid of it.

Anyway, Spider-Man’s new costume buzz is interrupted by the planet shaking and someone yelling in his brain.

Professor X: “CAPTAIN AMERICA! COME AT ONCE! IT HAS BEGUN! GALACTUS IS DEVOURING THE PLANET!”

It’s nice that the crises are waiting their turn.

January, 1985

ASSAULT ON GALACTUS!

The issue titles for this story are all so excited.

The X-Men were left on Galactus watching duty so when the big lug starts trying to eat the planet, the X-Men charge in to attack him.

Hm.

Y’know, I sometimes wonder what iconic storylines would have been like if a different set of characters handled it. This used to be great What If fodder. I know there was one where the Avengers tackled Galactus’ first appearance. And because it was the tone of What If at the time to viciously shoot down any divergence of the 616 timeline, THINGS WENT HORRIBLY WRONG.

Think of it like the Turn Left episode of Doctor Who.

POINT BEING, I wonder how the X-Men would have handled Galactus’ first appearance. Of course, this would be the O5 roster so they’d have their work cut out for them.

Heck, even with Storm on the team, the X-Men are over their heads with Galactus.

She hits him with two massive lightning bolts and Galactus keeps working like he didn’t even notice.

The X-Men seem to realize how out of their depth they are (especially sans Phoenixes, their usual Galactus-fighting go-to) but at Professor Xavier’s command they charge in anyway.

Galactus sends out a defensive drone so he can continue not paying the X-Men any mind and the mutants find themselves completely bogged down in fighting the drone while Galactus does his thing.

And from Zsaji’s sweet village, Captain Marvel, Wasp, and Hawkeye see a massive explosion where the X-Men were.

I guess they’re totally dead forever.

Wasp: “Should we head up there now?”

Hawkeye: “No! We’d better wait for Cap... and strike as a unit!”

Hah.

Its the expression, really. Like Hawkeye thinking to himself ‘oh I want no part of that.’

The non-X-Men assemble at Herobase to rush to the fight.

Mr. Fantastic: “Hurry! No telling how long the X-Men can hold out!”

Spider-Man: “Yeah! Where’s the rest of the alphabet when you need it?”

HAH!

Oh, Spider-Man, you are a delight.

In the airship over, Thor notices that Hulk looks glum and tries to cheer him up.

Thor: “If ‘tis that you do not fit in these chairs that depresses you, count yourself fortunate! They were made, I think, for insect men... or by trolls, for torture! If ‘tis the impending battle troubling thee -- just think! What greater chance for glory has man or god e’er known? More even than Ragnarok, this is the battle I was born millennia ago to fight! You, too, are a warrior born, Hulk! A taste of battle and the berserker battle-lust shall rise in thy soul!”

Hulk: “I doubt it! I lost that when I gained the intelligence of my human side -- Bruce Banner! And now I’m slowly losing that, too! I’m not savage enough... or smart enough to be a relevant factor!”

Well, You Tried, Thor.

Johnny Torch is trying to cheer up Ben Grimm who is as grim as his name over his powers popping in and out as they please.

And then the rocks pop back on just as Ben is dramatically bemoaning that he can’t control them.

The Thing: “Whoopie! I’m the Thing again! I’m so happy, I even like you!”

Human Torch: “Yeow! You lummox! Put me down! Jeez, I can see the headlines -- ‘affectionate hug slays Human Torch en route to battle -- universe destroyed as a result’!’“

This book has some decent lines.

Iron Man ogles Spider-Woman under the pretense of not trusting her but then goes a little ‘I’ll show them all!’

Iron Man: “A lot of guys have worked with Iron Man before -- but that was when Tony Stark was in this suit! I think they’ve started to realize there’s a different guy in here, now... an’ they got their doubts! They’re keepin’ their distance -- don’t quite trust me yet! Don’t matter! As long as I got this armor, I’m one ba-ad dude -- especially since Richards souped it up! As soon as that fight starts, I’ll show ‘em -- show ‘em I’m Iron Man! The real Iron Man! James Rhodes is Iron Man -- now and forever!”

Rhodey pls.

Also meanwhile, because this is a long flight, Spider-Man starts hopping all around the interior of the airship overexcited because he’s just discovered that the totally benign goo suit he got has webshooters!

And he squirts Johnny in the face to prove it because that’s just how Spider-Man is sometimes.

Johnny complains that this webbing is even harder to burn than his old stuff which will turn itself into a bit of a plot hole down the line when its revealed that symbiotes are weak to fire.

Whoops.

Its fine though. Pre-modern Venom has always had sloppy writing around it.

He also demonstrates the goo suit’s ability to change shape.

I can’t believe that Marvel were cowards and never had Peter go around in the Summer Variant suit.

Reed lets himself go down a melancholic musing rabbit hole and starts poking holes in the story logic.

Mr. Fantastic: “At face value, the whole thing is absurd! Why would a being so far removed from us and so powerful as the Beyonder bring us across the universe for a stupid, simplistic ‘good-versus-evil’ gladiatorial contest? Is he a mad god? A cosmic idiot? And why us? Why this odd collection of beings, mostly from Earth? And why Galactus? He doesn’t fit! Human beings and even gods may be tempted, but Galactus is a force of nature -- no more capable of having enemies than a hurricane or an earthquake! Why is he here? There must be more to this... but what possible purpose could there be?”

Credit where its due, these are things I’ve been wondering!

But Reed is so busy pondering this that he runs the airship into the energy discharge from Galactus’ machine and crashes the ship on top of Colossus.

Smooth move, absent minded professor.

With only seconds before the world starts to burn, the Avengers, Fantastic Four, and assorted leap into battle against Galactus.

Iron Man manages to get past Galactus’ defense drones and punch his world eating engine, thanks to the upgrades done to the armor.

But now that they’re being successful, Reed interjects and tells them to stop winning so hard. Yes, really.

Mr. Fantastic: “Ben, we can’t go through with this! At last I see a purpose here -- a meaning to the universe for this insane conflict! WE MUST NOT STOP GALACTUS!’

Then Galactus effortlessly blasts the heroes away.

Which, if nothing else, gives Reed a chance to catch his breath to EXPOSIT MORE.

Mr. Fantastic: “For the first time this whole thing makes seom sense to me! I see a possible purpose in it! This is a chance to rid our universe of the threat of Galactus! All we have to do is let him win this contest! If the Beyonder indeed, grants hsi wish, he’ll be freed of his planet-consuming hunger at long last!”

The Thing: “And if the Beyonder reneges?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Re-energized by consuming this world, Galactuc will attack -- I know it! And force the Beyonder to pay up -- or be destroyed in the attempt. Any way you look at it... the universe wins! Countless billions who would have eventually fallen prey to Galactus -- will live in peace!”

Spider-Man: “Yeah, but why us? Why were we picked to decide the fate of the universe?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Why not us? We picked ourselves, remember? Besides... we beings of Earth seem to have a knack for being pivotal in the cosmic scheme of things.”

Reed, some offense but you’re the last person who should be speaking on this.

Galactus is only alive now because you had a hunch that he had some Big Important Role in the cosmic order and saved his life.

You may remember that because THE ENTIRETY OF SPACE PUT YOU ON TRIAL FOR IT.

Turning around on that because now you have a different hunch that everything will be a-okay if the Beyonder kills Galactus, is just such a classic Reed move.

Anyway, the discussion ends because Galactus raptures Reed and the entire mountaintop his machine was sitting on.

Since the suspects of Reed rapturing were Galactus or the Beyonder, its not very surprising that its Galactus forcibly inviting Reed up to his solar-system sized apartment.

What, you thought that the Beyonder would be more present in this story that it initiated? Fool.

Anyway, Galactus wants to have a friendly talk at Reed. Because Galactus is one of the few people that can talk down at Reed and he just has to sit tight and listen.

Meanwhile, over at the former Doombase, locked in a Doomcell, its Doom. Still in his catatonia OR IS IT?

Doom: “THE WORLD SHIP IS THE WAY! Galactus’s home itself is the way I seek! At last, I see!”

He activates the get-out-of-jail-free button hidden in his ankle which activates a point-singularity power supply that busts the door off his cell.

He ignores all of the other imprisoned villains to free Klaw.

Doom: “You, yourself, Klaw, are a ‘recording’ of sorts, due to the time you spent as a wave of vibratory energy coursing through the walls of Galactus’s homeworld! Come with me!”

Klaw: “Where to? Toodle-oo, toodle-oo!”

Doom: “To the lab! I’m going to dissect you!”

Klaw: “Oh, good!”

If it were anyone else that would read as sarcastic.

Its also revealed that Doom talks to himself because he is constantly recording.

Doom: “Every utterance of Doom must be recorded for posterity!”

How on-brand.

Meanwhile, back over at where the fight was, Cyclops OPTIC BLASTS out of the hole Magneto buried the X-Men in to save them from Galactus’ exploding drone.

Good job, Magneto.

Buuut. The fight is over so the X-Men just vaguely wander over to Zsaji’s village to catch up with Captain America’s group.

Zsaji wakes up from her Wasp-healing coma and runs over... right past Colossus to embrace Johnny. To make Colossus sad in the background.

But Johnny is too worried about Reed being raptured to make out with his new space girlfriend right now.

The heroes debate what to do.

Cap(tain America) wants to just stand ready until Galactus comes back and Cap(tain Marvel) suggests finding some spaceships at former Doombase and mounting an assault on Galactus’ imagination-ruiningly huge homeship.

The Thing offers the daring option of ‘hey Reed said not to fight Galactus and dangit what Reed says goes!’

He’s as bad as the Inhumans, I swear.

Reed reappears right about when Iron Man and the Thing are about to come to blows over the ‘do whatever Reed says’ plan.

The Thing: “Stretch! What happened?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Not much! We had tea...”

NOW I KNOW that Galactus likely has some robot servant or device that makes tea for him. But I can’t get the image out of my head of Galactus holding a tiny teapot and serving Reed tea.

How dare this comic cut away and let that happen off-panel!

Anyway, their big OFF-PANEL talk?

Mr. Fantastic: “He told me that I was a ‘force of the universe’ just as he is -- ! That I’m a ‘universal champion of life’ just as he is an instrument of death!”

Now. Nooooow. Champion slash Avatar of Life is a legitimate thing in Marvel, once filled by, uh, Captain Marvel. The Kree guy version. So the position is open.

I just find it easier to believe that Galactus was saying random nonsense to try to befuddle Reed into doing what Galactus wants rather than it being official.

The Avatar of Life page on marvel wiki doesn’t seem to credit it. It only has two versions of Adam Warlock, Drax, and Cancerverse Mar-Vell.

Anyway.

Mr. Fantastic: “I don’t what to say! I’m more convinced than ever that it’s right to let Galactus do what he must! And if I’m a ‘Champion of Life’ does it not make sense to allow Galactus to slay us so that countless billions will live? Or was he telling me that I must fight to serve even these relatively few lives here? I just don’t know...”

Yeeeeah. More convinced than ever that Galactus was filling Reed’s brain with cognitive chaff so to speak.

But Ben “Thing” Grimm is like ‘hey if Reed tells me I gotta die for the good of the universe then I’m ready to die so we’re not fighting unless Reed says so.’

Hawkeye: “This is a real crock! We’ve got to fight! Quitters! Cowards!”

I rarely say this but I think Hawkeye has a point.

Anyway, Galactus reappears the mountaintop, his machine, and himself to get back to snacking on the planet.

Far be it from me to tell Galactus how to ‘mortals are beneath my notice’ but maybe he’d get better results relocating his machine to the other side of the planet. Get some element of surprise, a head start.

No? Fine.

Captain America: “All right, listen up! I’m going to fight! The rest of you come or not as your conscience dictates!”

Wasp: “We’re with you, Cap!”

Captain America: “Good! But first... I just want to tell you, Professor Xavier, that despite our differences, you and your people did us -- and the universe, as far as I’m concerned -- a great service, earlier!”

Professor Xavier: “It was an honor!”

Captain America: “I hope you, the X-Men... and Magneto will come and fight side by side with us now! No one here will deny you’ve earned that much!”

Think about all the grief that could have been saved if people were willing to give Magneto the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of the story! Womp womp!

Meanwhile at Doombase (because the heroes are all off doing stuff and when the heroes are away Doom gets his base back), Doom observes the battle against Galactus starting AND that the Beyonder has cracked open his portal to watch the fight.

But more importantly, Doom cut Klaw into slices.

Back over at the heroes fighting Galactus, the heroes are fighting Galactus.

As in, directly. No drones.

Its a sign that they’re making some sort of progress.

He’s still batting them around like leaves in the wind.

But the Terrific Three show up to actually help.

Mr. Fantastic: “Galactus used enormous amounts of energy transporting his homeworld here -- and I’m sure he hasn’t fed for months! His power is almost depleted! We can take him!”

Captain America: “Richards, I -- I’m glad you’re here -- but what made you change your mind?”

Mr. Fantastic: “I... thought about what Galactus said -- and I’m still not certain that, in the cosmic scheme of things, what we’re doing is right -- but I realized just how badly I want to see my baby born, Cap! I want that more than anything -- ! And I’m going to fight for it!”

Aww.

He’s going to be waiting a long time for that baby though.

Not because of comic book time but because of intense drama reasons.

The heroes manage to reach the top of the mountain and start trashing Galactus’ machine despite Reed insisting that they ignore it and prevent Galactus from escaping.

And Galactus just animation-cell-slides-up ‘I must return to my homeworld’ style.

And as Reed explains how badly they done fucked up, Galactus takes a last look around his homeworld/spaceship. Because he doesn’t need his machine to eat planets. It just makes the process more efficient. So if the heroes are going to be annoying about him eating Battleworld, he’s just going to eat his own dang home!

Mr. Fantastic: “He’s devouring his own living world -- perhaps the greatest energy source in the universe! Moments after he’s finished, this godforsaken planet will be next! We won’t be able to stop him this time! Then he’ll probably consume the sun too! He’ll want every iota of energy available in case he must do battle with the Beyonder! We’re dead men!”

Wow. Is that the most kirby krackle we’ve ever seen?

But as Galactus converts his home into POWER COSMIC, Doom is ready with his own plan to steal that power, aided by a series of lenses he’s turned Klaw into.

As ya do?

You’ll have to tune in to the last quarter of Secret Wars to see if Doom succeeds in doing that thing that he always tries to do.

My thought is: maybe.

Follow @essential-avengers for the good job I’m doing with these Secret Warses. Like and reblog maybe.

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prettywarriors · 3 years

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Fate The Winx Commentary

Good morning internet! Today is the drop of Winx: Riverdale edition! I sure hope you're ready for my aggressive and unnecessary commentary, because it is coming for you either way!

The netflix landing page lets us know:

Fate The Winx Saga

6 episodes, 48-53 minutes each

"Genres: Fantasy TV Shows, Teen TV Shows, Italian TV Shows"

"This show is: Emotional"

As mentioned elsewhere, my Winx knowledge is limited, so I will be coming into this fairly fresh and will try to be unbiased. As I have seen trailers, the keyword here is Try.

Episode 1

'To the Waters and the Wild'

CW: Animal Death, Swears, Implied Child Death, Blood, Implied Teen Sex, Burns, Weed, Fatphobia, Whatever the term pussie falls under

Episode 1 TL;DR: We meet everyone, learn their dynamics, have the basics of the magic system beat into us, meet our monsters, and name drop Harry Potter. Standard first episode stuff.

I do want it on record before we start that I got about halfway into the first season of Riverdale, and the first season of Netflix Sabrina. They were, well, bland and boring imo? I did get through a few seasons of Teen Wolf, but that's because it was capable of Fun and Jokes. My current expectations are a few unintentionally funny lines, maybe some almost decent magic effects, and because it's 2021, one whole gay character (I did hear one of the boys (there are boys?) is bi, but also an asshole so I'm hoping for some wlw)

TV-MA LANGUAGE AND SMOKING OH FUCKING BOY Almost full moon (waxing) in opening shot- I Will be tracking moon inconsistencies if it keeps showing up that is a pet peeve but hey look a bunch of sheep That's a good start (it's ominous though. don't hurt the sheep) Swears count: Feckin' 2 Mystical portal barrier. Oh yeah s5 of the magicians is on netflix now WELP THOSE ARE SHEEP GUTS RIGHT OUT THE GATE HUH For CW it's up a tree, and the dripping blood is a good warning of what's about to be seen :( oh and then the man who was looking for the sheep dies offscreen save for a spray of blood. THIS ISN'T YOUR CHILD'S WINX CLUB it seems to say. I assume. How much blood was in the original winx because this is already at least a full cup. (Also the monster noises for whatever was chasing the man (werewolf it was a werewolf trailers are bad guys) were not very good)

Opening credit scene is 5-6 different blooming elemental wings. They're pretty, but it's unclear if the last one is secret 6th member wings (because the second to last ones are fire which is the main character's element right?) so maybe we'll get a late 6th addition? (I am in I.T. please give me the most relatable character you cowards)

KIDS IN THE CORNER BY AMBER VAN DAY PLAYING I like where they shot this but that might just be european woods pretty. The opening location was nice and mossy save for the sheep blood Fancy big stone school establishing shots (it's nice, and huge) and we land on a red head who seems less than pleased to be here Courtyard shot of... whatever the name of the replacment plant girl is, holding a tray of various potted plants for an older man (father? first day of school send off maybe?) Aisha(?) walks by, not talking to anyone, Stella(?) is taking Magical!Selfies with at least 3 other girls, Musa(?) has a suitcase and headphones and smiles at a passing girl Oh boy a boy with a pocketknife doing little tricks with it! Nothing says edgy like an actual knife edge. Gonna take this moment to point out I have some level of face blindness and while the girls all look fairly different from one another, if there is more than one tall blonde white boy as I fear there may be, I WILL NOT be able to tell them apart. Not through maliciousness, just general incompetence, so anything I say about the boy characters (I want to say they're the knights to the girl's faeries? is that right? this whole thing smacks of gender) should be taken with a heap of salt I've come to accept tv just. displaying text messages on screen as a storytelling method. It's never my favorite but it just Is a modern story element. Also Bloom needs to meet stella at the alfea gates Alfea I presume is the school- does the name mean something? It sure feels like the word elf and therefore fae but I don't feel like googling anything this early in Oh look two more blondish tall white boys. Pocketknife was wearing something else i think, one guy has a brown jacket and pink shirt (bad combo), the other looks old even by tv highschool/college standards and his jacket has a jock vibe. Jock jacket also has an earring? Is this the bi character who is an asshole? From this one second of him, only in profile, I will assume yes, he is an asshole I like Bloom's backpack Pink shirt looks at Bloom from across the quad. I am already tired of this romance Cool he walks up to someone he has identified as lost, and is 'impressed with [her] confidence in the face of complete ignorance' COMING OUT OF THE GATE WITH A NEGG HUH PINKY He even states he wasn't offering help Then Why Are You Talking To Her Jackass Subs are going with the fairy spelling, and Bloom confirms she is a fairy and we confirm this is College. Unless this is a european thing where they call schools different things. I think that's just for public and private? And maybe just england? I'm American all they teach us is 1492-ww1 over and over for like. 10 years sorry Rest of the World 'What Realm are you from?' 'California' Speaking of ameri-centric, I'm gonna Guess that original Winx, the italian cartoon, didn't have their main character be from cali usa? I am presuming this is a side effect of making this property for a more global distribution than I'm guessing winx was originally conceived as back in the early 00s The Otherworld. I assume this is the fairy realm and whatnot? And the magic school. Seems to be located behind a magical barrier in the earth realm?? If that's right it seems weird if basically everyone who goes to the school is from the otherworld Pinky doubles down on his rudeness but in a Fun and Cute way because :/ and the Specialist hall is Very Pretty, oh and there's a fairy hall. Are specialists the boy...things? magi knights? bros of the blade? guys who wear those 'here come a special boy' sneakers from that one comic? Stella sees this conversation which is great because they drop the term mansplain. why would otherworlders know that term even??? Edgey(?) sees Pinky and they hug it out Stella knows Americans are the type to wander off so I guess there's a lot of inter-world connections?

Miss Dowling- is this teacher going to be like the pedo in riverdale who got *checks notes* killed off by one of multiple serial killers later on? Dowling is the headmistress, gotta keep the otherworld a secret from earthers, time and place for portal making. all standard fantasy stuff so far, nothing to make this stand out Stella has a gateway ring, and frankly isn't too nice? all the backgrounders clothing is Bland and very normal 7 realms of the otherworld, Solaria is where Alfea is, i like magic globe Incase you forgot this was a modern tale, people update their insta stories here. 'I was kindof bummed I didn't see a single pair of wings' YOU AND ME BOTH BLOOM 'We had wings in the past, transformation was lost, tinkerbell was an air fairy' This is either a cop out for your glittery cowardice, or a set up for the main girls re-finding transformation magic later. I did like the Tink bit Bloom is a fire fairy and the subtext of this conversation is that bloom's magic did Something bad. I hope it was burn down her old school's gym a la buffy movie I like miss Dowling but in the I wouldn't Be Surprised if you turned out to be Evil way, and I guess Alfea is a very privileged upper crust school. What types of college do normal fairies go to then huh? damn privileged fairies 'our students have gone on to do amazing things like re-discover long lost magics' We Get It. You will give me Wings, but Only If I'm Patient Dowling throws a jab at Bloom about power control, but I like her necklace so It's Fine

Bloom video calls her parents while unpacking in the dorm, which may have come pre-fit with a heck ton of board games? Love it. Or new plant girl brought them along with her many plants Stella has a fancy mirror and lots of jewelry and fashion photos and makeup, Musa has a laptop and apparently not much else, gotta get those establishing personalities down I guess 'Ladies of the Flies honey don't be sexist' Bloom's dad for feminist of the year (these jokes are bad but i guess we can call it a dad joke as justification) Asiha gives Bloom a look and saves her from the call with her parents- yay friendship step one achieved Blooms parents think she's in the alps because magic secrets and what not Aisha asks bloom if she's never read harry potter and I guess Bloom is a potterhead (that's the term right?). Is this self awareness that all magical school fantasy series have the same basic bricks? Bloom is a ravenclaw sometimes slytherin, Aisha is a Gryffindor Stella is changing because she's the fashion one and has a fun pastel rainbow skirt, and uses magic to make a real aggressive lamp. She's also a mentor (maybe older than the others by a bit?) I am assuming Stella here is something along the lines of a diplomats daughter the way she talks about appearances. She better get down and dirty later on to show her growth about how some things are more important than looks yada yada Fairy magic powered by strong emotions, i am waiting for bloom's backstory to be movie x-men rogue style tragedy Terra! Which. Of course is the Plant Fairy's name. Stella is a little mean to her about the plants and she takes it with a smile and some subtle snark back using classic literature Oh that's fun Terra points out the name-plant thing, and name drops her cousin Flora. That's. The one they replaced with Terra right? Terra's dad works in the greenhouse at the school which explains earlier (and her mum is named rose) Stella is indeed a second year and Musa's eyes change for. Lie detecting magic? and loves her headphones (Overstimulation?) Aisha wants somewhere to swim and we cut to a 'pond' by specialist training. Assuming she wants to sim because she's a water fairy, why Don't they have a pool? also this pond looks. Unpleasant for swimming

Girl specialist! Does that mean we have boy fairies? Boys. Fighting. Talking about girls. All gingers are nuts. Thanks edgelord AMAZING SHAGS THOUGH 'I didn't realize your hand was a red-head' it's not truly edge if we don't talk about sex every 10 minutes Subtitles earlier only said boy 1 boy 2 but now pinky or edgy is Riv Edgy smokes weed, and pinky is a big brother figure to him, and the head? of the special boys doesn't like edgy. Me neither older guy Bit of swordplay, more girls, every specialist has black training outfits, very military Pinky is Sky who is son of Guy of Place. an important lad. without context this is meaningless to me There's a giggly boy who laughs at the idea of a war in the future and gets a talking to. I suspect this boy will be re-occurring enough to die- he has those tertiary character elements with his intro and such (and he's black so I am prepared for your standard racist murder choices) Burned Ones exist outside the barrier, which makes me wonder if dead shepard was in the otherworld? There was nothing establishing that he was in any type of Other place but :/ Oh look edgey is having a smoke cross the barrier while we learn about the creatures that live beyond it. Time to find out these creatures no one young has ever seen are still kicking Specialist leader had to kill his own pa after a burned one got him. They also. Used a shotgun when trying to fight it. Do specialists even have powers or are they just good with weapons? Edgey finds the shepards corpse. Mostly blood 'it's been 16 years since the last sighting' 'Rosalind killed all the burned ones' ahh magical creature genocide hey when is abarat 4 coming out. and is rosalind hot?

School, gossip, Aisha and Musa are snarking at Tera for thinking the guy died of natural causes because we need to have these characters not actually like each other to make it stand out when they do Aisha talks about how she eats a lot and if she didn't swim she'd be massive and we cut to the plus sized tera looking uncomfortable are we really doing this? Tera points out that Musa was ignoring her earlier and it's all just uncomfortable and not great character conflict (but I thought I saw Musa holding an honest to god ipod? it's blue but it could be a phone case. Her hand is in the way) tera and dad interaction is nice, i'm also convinced they couldn't afford more than 3 magic adults

Girl with braids and metal in her hair! There were witches in winx right? Like 3 minor antagonist girls? I assume this is one of them. Because she has alternative fashion and is therefore evil /s Beatrix. Names in this series leave something to be desired (that something is subtly. I get it, they're carry overs from a series for a younger audience, she-ra had the same issue, but i can still poke fun) Swear count: Arsehole 2 Bollocks 1 Shit 1 She's a weird ass kissing with clearly ulterior motives

Bloom is Studying and her notebook is just FAIRY MAGIC POWER = EMOTIONS LOVE FEAR? HARTED? FIRE FAIRY CONTROL? in case you weren't paying attention Oh a flashback already to the magic triggering event? Her mother had pointed out she's an introvert, and past!Bloom doesn't Party. She goes Antiquing and is a Weird Loner (her 'basic bitch' of a mom's words) Swear count: Bitch 1 Bad daughter count: 1 Bad mother count: 1 Magic glowy eyes for Bloom: 1

Bloom Hates Parties and asks Pinky I mean Sky where she can be Away from People and he fears he'll be Mansplaing to her to. vague that it's dangerous outside instead of saying 'hey there's monsters and someone was just killed by possible one of them stay in the barrier' Stella wants to talk to Sky because they have History. I did hear there was a love triangle between these three. I am bored and everyone at this party is a nosey bitch who is watching their tense conversation. Also Something? Happens when Stella gets upset [mystical warbling] Random magic effects in the (very pretty) forest Bloom is trying to practice her magic on her own, and to do that she's gotta look at sad teen pics. And look, her burnt bedroom from her first power usage The fire magic is pretty good. I think fire is like. the opposite of water when it comes to cg where it almost always looks pretty good, while I swear i've seen the actual ocean look like a shitty render Magic out of control, bloom can't control her emotions, Aisha can stop her with water magic which makes some nice steam Bloom is angry at aisha for saving her. So far 3 of the 5 girls are abrasive at best remember when people made characters likeable? Swear count: Shit 1 (but it doubles as the literal meaning because of flooded toilets) Swear count: Bitch 1 Ass 1 Taking away your teen's door is. Really shitty. Not almost burn down your house worthy but damn cheerleader mom I do not understand sleep shirts with buttons. That seems painful if you lie the wrong way? Her mom was seriously burnt by first magic usage that's a backstory Shit count +1 Main character aspect time: dormant fairy blood line? awfully strong magic for that. baby who died day after it was born and now she's here? ...I was going to say changeling thanks aisha A Barbaric practice loving hints at long term world lore Hell is a bad word for kids!! Cutting to headmistress and her secret passage after finding out bloom is secret pureblood? this really is a harry potter thing

edgelord offers giggly some booze, and says pussies twice because he's Edgey and does peer pressure Tera calls him out and knows he's a sad nerd in disguise not a 'badass' and he says she's 'three people in disguise' because fatphobia shit +1 arehole +1 tera. chokes out edgelord with a vine because she's had enough of this shit. good for her edgelord is Riv, and he lived

OBLIGATORY GOOGLE SEARCH FOR THE TERM CHANGELING REMEMBER BELLA'S VAMPIRE GOOGLE GOD I LOVE TEEN FANTASY AND THEIR INSTANCE ON GOOGLING COMMON FANTASY TERMS OH hey the lamp bloom brought with her is the one she was fixing at home that's a nice touch Stella bonds with Bloom about homesickness, and the takes a selfie Musa is a mind fairy. So she. Is a telepath with purple eye magic? Oh there's types of 'connections' Memory, thought (others but i am cut off from the lore) Stella did Something to someone who Talked To Her Man last year and now lent Bloom her teleportation ring to send her some because miss mentor really cares more about her shitty man then helping the girls she's in charge of First World- earth Old Cemetery? Very Sexy. and bloom sweetie don't leave a mystical gateway open, and how will you explain to your parents how you're back so fast Wait she's only 16? SO this really is some european college where that's a funny way of saying High School Fire guilt, bad feelings about life shattering revelations, better connection with mother. I gotta say I have low expectations of this show carrying the family connection through the rest of this. That conversation felt more like a Hey We Made These Movements Onto Other Stuff Now

Lighting choices are interesting, with green, orange and purple for creepy warehouse. THE Creepy Warehouse where she would sleep without her parent's knowledge wow right that GIRL DROPS THE DAMN RING AT THE FIRST SIGN OF burned one looked more alien than werewolf-y here Decent Horror movie looks, and dude stole her ring. Rude. Saved by the headmistress, and tera/aisha/musa are here to great her Stella can't be here though because she has to greet a half naked freshly showered sky because life is suffering and producers insist people like to see teens half naked (who. Who?) shit +1 and she dumped him. pity part of one and using it to try to get your bone on. HEY A SONG I KNOW. IT'S WHATSITCALLED FROM THE BAYONETTA COMMERCIALS WAY BACK WHEN. in for the kill la roux. I do wish netflix would either commit to telling you what song was playing or didn't tell you at all

Riv offers Beatrix a hit from his joint because what Is a Bad Kid hasn't changed in like 70 years Blowing pot smoke into someone's mouth isn't as sexy as ya'll seem to think it is Musa has cute sleep socks with little pom poms, and I love Tera's floral jammies Tera offers a bluetooth speaker so they can listen to music together Musa also calls out Tera's fake happiness this is the good shit character interaction i live for Musa Empath Mind Fairy 'somber indie music'

If you kill a burned one in the human world Something? Extra bad happens? So the headmistress knows Bloom's a changeling, and ohhh that's the last time a burned one was spotted. Is Rosalind the famed Monster Slayer the birth mother of Bloom? Tera text flirts with Giggly who IS NAMED DANE and has a thing for. Sky? Riv? I told you these boys all look the same to me so if it's a half naked pic on fairy insta i'm out of context clues. Crymeariv is the insta name that answers that. Is this the slow burn enemies to lover mlm i can't finish this sentence i don't care riv is a dick Stella and Sky are in a bed and she doesn't seem to have a top on so Implied sexy times? MYSTERIOUS HOODED AND ROBED FIGURE CROSSES THROUGH THE BARRIAR AND SHOOTS THE BURNED ONE WITH LIGHTNING MAGIC OH IT'S beatrix

alt-J – Adeline as an ending song

#fate the winx saga #text #commentary #hey tumblr thanks for deleting all my text because I resized this window #we're off to a great start #fate episode 1

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nalgenewhore · 4 years

Text

A rogue storm had her presumed dead and stranded on the red planet. Left on her own, astronaut Aelin Galathynius has four years to make it to the next drop-site, some two thousand miles. Armed with her smarts and dwindling supplies, Aelin attempts to survive on an inhospitable planet, when the nearest help is only millions of miles away.

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter

an: we really getting into now hehe

+*+*+*+*+*+*

The military cemetery thirty minutes outside Orynth was cold and bleak, fitting for the day.

Everyone in attendance was staring at the empty casket being lowered into the hole dug into the frozen ground of early January. Weylan shuffled his notes, clearing his throat before speaking, “Our space program was lucky to have an astronaut like Aelin Galathynius. She gave her life to this program and will be sorely missed. Her sacrifice in the furthering of science itself will not be in vain and the men and women here at TNSB will notice her absence every second of every hour, ensuring that her death means something. Anneith bless her and Hellas save her,” he said, making the sign of protection and prayer, a three fingered claw-like shape and pushing it from his heart.

The attendees repeated the gesture while Manon and Asterin whispered their own prayers, holding hands tightly, designating the highest Ironteeth honour on the fallen woman.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Gavriel was already in Weylan’s office as he walked in with Asterin, the two locked in a hushed argument. Upon spying the mission director, they paused and Weylan nodded towards the folder in his hand, “What’s that there?”

“I need you to sign off on the plans for the-“

“No.”

Gavriel pressed harder, “I know I can get parliament to fund it-“

“Gavriel, that’s not why I said no and you know it.” Weylan sighed and walked past him to sit behind his desk, Asterin taking a seat beside Gavriel. “We’re a public organization, everything we do has to be transparent.”

“And?”

Weylan and Asterin shared a look before the director responded, speaking slowly, “The moment the satellites point to the hab, we broadcast Aelin Galathynius’ body to the world.”

Gavriel scoffed, “You’re afraid of a PR scandal?”

Asterin rose a brow, “Of course we are. We have a dead astronaut on Farnor and we still need funding for The Crone.”

“So then what do we do?” he asked, tapping his finger on the folder, “She’s not going to decompose, her body will be up there forever.”

The director shrugged, “Meteorology reports that she’ll be covered by sand in less than a year.”

Gavriel threw his hands up, nearly hitting Asterin in the process, “We can’t wait a year! We have work to do and are we not going to discuss retrieving her body?”

“And what? Waste money and time for a corpse?”

Both Asterin and Gavriel flinched, the former hiding her adverse reaction better than Gavriel did. He was at a loss for words, thankfully Asterin spoke up, “Weylan, think about it. The Crone can bring the body back. Sympathy for her family-“

“What family? She’s an orphan and unmarried.”

It took conscious effort to anger Gavriel and he clamped down on the red-hot emotion, gritting his teeth as Asterin spoke again, “The Crone can bring back her body. We don’t make the mission about that, but we make it clear that that’s part of it. I can spin it if we do this now, Weylan. We can’t wait a year – people won’t care in a year.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

The pain had lessened, if barely, as Aelin came to, not sure how’d long it had been since she’d passed out. There was no new blood and she sighed in relief, reaching for the pills again and taking one. Aelin stood up, pushing herself up carefully until she was standing.

She groaned but was able to breathe past the ache and hobble her way to the bunks, dragging out her box and getting warmer clothes.

Putting them on took energy, too much of it, and she was panting as she sat on the floor, her back against her bed. Her stomach panged in hunger and she would have to find something to eat soon, but first, she grabbed her laptop and moved to the kitchen, sitting down and opening the computer up.

After a few taps and a bit of fiddling, she clicked on the video journaling and the camera started rolling. “Fuck, I don’t know how to do this,” she muttered, glancing at herself on the screen before squaring her shoulders and taking deep breath. “Uh, hi. This is Aelin Galathynius, recording from the hab. It’s currently,” she looked at the timestamp next to the recording time, “sixteen-hundred hours and surprise, I lived!” She laughed shakily, dragging her hand through her hair. “Obviously.”

“I’m assuming this is a surprise to the crew and TNSB, if not, I’m going to kick some asses, but… I did not die on day eighteen. If I’m piecing this all together correctly, this,” she held up the antennae, “lovely little thing here damaged my bio-monitor and the team… had to leave before someone else got hurt.” Tears filled her eyes and she wiped them away, “Stupid painkillers, making me cry. But I… if I don’t make it out of here, which is highly likely, I just want to tell my crew that I don’t blame you, ok?”

She let out a shaky breath and continued, “I know that you broody humans are going to blame yourselves, especially you, Commander, but it was a tough situation and I would’ve made the same call. It’s just my bad luck, you know?”

Aelin shook her head, “Alright, now that all the mushy stuff is out of the way, I need to do some science.” She grabbed a nearby pen and her mission file, “There’s no way to contact TNSB because the satellite broke and I was impaled by the antennae. The next manned mission is in four years and I have to survive on a desolate planet for that long, right? Oh, and get to the Mistward crater where a prepositioned FAV is just waiting.”

She chewed on the pen, brows furrowing as she thought, “It’s a thirty-one-day expedition which means we have provisions for seventy, as a precaution.” She scribbled some numbers down, her mind whirling, “Now, it’s just me here which means it’ll last for…” she trailed off, “three-hundred days. With rationing, I can stretch it to four hundred. Which means I don’t have enough provisions to make it.”

With a sly grin, she looked up at the camera, “Thankfully, I know a thing or two about botany and soil.”

Aelin pushed herself in the wheeled chair to the pantry, opening every drawer and carefully counting every packet they had, separating them into different piles.

One, marked with red letters, Do not open until Beltane caught her eye and she grabbed it, “Oh, thank fuck the only thing Terrasen can grow is potatoes.” She looked at the camera by the microwave, “I’m about to science the shit out of this. It’s not gonna be pretty, I need to reclaim our waste and make fertilizer, but… it’ll keep me alive.” For now.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

It had been a week since the storm and Aelin had completed converted the kitchen into a greenhouse, Farnor soil on the floor, fertilized with the crew’s own human waste, with neat rows of spuds by moving all the chairs and tables outside, dumping them on the ground next to the rover station. That was another thing. To get to the next drop-site, it was a two-thousand-kilometre drive and the rover went a total of fifty.

Adding in the fact that she would have to spend the nights inside the rover as well, with outside temperatures reaching negative seventy-three in Celsius, she would need to turn on the heater, which would drain the battery.

She’d long since gone through everyone’s things, finding the holy grail, a rover manual in Lorcan’s box. Aelin had never been more thankful for mechanical engineering in her life.

It was slow and hard work to modify the two rovers they had. After fifty kilometres, the batteries would need to be recharged, at the hab.

Left with no other options, Aelin had been forced to dig up the old radioisotope thermoelectric generator, powered by none other than plutonium itself. The list of dangers was lengthy, however, Aelin wasn’t too worried.

She talked to the camera in the rover, “Now, I do remember that one of our lessons was ‘Don’t Go Digging Up The Big Box Of Plutonium,’ but it’s either cancer due to exposure or slowly dying due to the laws of thermodynamics. Honestly, at this point, getting cancer due to exposure to a toxic chemical would be heaven compared to being alone on a desolate planet, but them’s the breaks, I guess.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

The lone astronaut was sitting before the computer, wearing the hoodie Rowan had left. It was the only thing that brought her comfort, other than the motherload she’d found on Nesryn’s computer – all of the Twilight movies and, of course, the computer geek’s favourite manga, Anatolia Story. It was surprisingly interesting and after she’d binge read seven out of twenty-eight volumes, Aelin forced herself to stop, telling herself she’d only read one volume a week. So far, she’d kept to her promise, but she’d been so busy with figuring out how to stay alive, she hardly had any free time.

She did find enough time to laugh herself silly over the fact that Fenrys’ had every Disney princess movie available, even her favourite: Mulan.

Elide had been her saviour with PDFs of Harry Potter, and Lorcan with Marvel movies. Even grouchy Rowan had Grey’s Anatomy, which was quite a shock to find out, given how much the doctor looked down on the show. Sometimes, Aelin imagined his voice as he ranted about how dramatic and unrealistic it was, especially with how many of the doctors slept with their co-workers.

But now was not the time to think of such things, Aelin had work to do.

Last night, she had recorded, yet again, her random thought pattern, focusing on how she would water her crops, after having planting the spuds for Beltane. “Thank the gods that Elide was always a fucking weirdo and learned how to fabricate water at much too young, but hey, foster parents don’t pay that much attention. Well,” she chuckled, “they paid enough attention to stop her from ordering The Anarchist’s Cookbook, which is a good thing because that was a time when we were in one of our little spats,” which were really anything but little. “She was able to put together this handy-dandy thing.” She indicated the packet on the table, of various simple reactions including one very, very important one.

Water.

Aelin toyed with Elide’s evil eye symbol, “The thing is, to make water, we need fire, which seems a bit strange, why would one need fire for water? But anyway, TNSB is against fire because of the whole ‘fire in space makes everyone die’ thing. So, everything is fire-retardant. Everything,” she held up the evil eye, which happened to be made of wood, “except for El’s personal items.”

There was a small knife on the table and she picked it up, shaving off pieces of her sister’s carving, “Ellie, if you see this, I’m assuming you don’t mind that I went through your personal boxes – all of yours actually. Commander, and I mean this with no offence, but all you listen to is punk. I have nothing against punk, but after a while, it all sounds the same, you know? One guy yells, ‘one two three four’ and then the guitars and drumming starts!”

Eventually, she had a nice pile of wood shavings and she carefully carried them over to the middle of the room. She remembered to put on her mask before passing through the plastic tarp, where Aelin had set up a very rudimentary stove-esque set up. The normally risky experiment was even more dangerous and she wasn’t going to blow herself up by forgetting to account for the oxygen she was exhaling.

“Ok,” she breathed out, putting the wood shavings on the sieve that covered the empty can of beans. Her eyes were wide, missing nothing. So many things could go wrong and Elide’s voice filled her head, There’s a reason people without chemistry degrees don’t make water. “I know that,” she bit out, her brows lowering as she carefully poured a few drops of rocket fuel – hydrazine – which was conveniently made of two sodium atoms bonded with four hydrogen atoms.

Carefully, so carefully, she struck the torch, wincing as the wood caught on fire, the flames fluttering happily. When nothing bad happened, she cheered and smiled beneath her mask, keeping one eye on the set-up and another on her spuds as she backed up into the kitchen, a slightly mad smile on her face as she sat down heavily on the chair and looked into the camera, “Don’t worry, guys, no explosions or fire, other than the very controlled experiment.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Aelin was hunched over a map, Iron Man: 3 playing idly on the laptop beside her. She was planning her route to the drop-site, which was in the Mistward crater. She breathed out and wiped the sweat from her brow.

Sweat.

Hardly daring to move, she turned to look at the plastic tarp of her greenhouse, seeing the drops of moisture on it. With a half-crazed laugh, she stood up and entered the closed off space, running her hand over the tarp, her fingertips coming away wet. “Water,” she breathed, buzzing with joy, “water! I have water!”

She raced to her bunk and threw on her suit and helmet, bouncing on her toes as she waited for the airlock tunnel to depressurize and then she raced to the water reclaimer, as fast as one could while wearing a spacesuit.

The sun beat down on her but she barely paid the heat any mind as she opened the water reclaimer, a dry sob tearing from her throat as she found it to be filled to the brim with the crystal clear liquid.

For the first time since she’d woken up, Aelin felt hope, bright and beautiful hope.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

It was past midnight in Perranth and Nox Owens yawned into his mug of tea, blinking hard to stay awake.

He settled back into his chair in Satellite Control, pulling up the aerial images of the hab for his boss. They took a while to load and he might have dozed off, jolting and nearly spilling his tea as the computer beeped, indicating the images were ready. With a slight sigh, he carefully put his mug down and pushed his glasses up after they had slipped down to the end on his nose yet again.

Blinking the sleepiness from his startlingly grey eyes, he clicked through the batch, making sure everything was normal before sending them up to his superiors. Something had him shifting in his wheelie-chair and narrowing his angular eyes, “What the fu…”

No. It couldn’t be. How in Hellas’ realm was the rover moving? The solar panels?

This didn’t make any sense…

Logically, the satellite planner knew that there was only one answer for this, he just couldn’t believe it.

Maybe he’d seen it wrong or these were old pictures, but the timestamp in the corner of the screen told him that what he was seeing was correct.

And that meant that… Aelin Galathynius was alive. And they’d left her on Farnor, alone.

Shit.

It took him a few tries to grab the phone and he couldn’t tear his eyes away as the operator picked up.

“This is Nox Owens from SatCon, I need to speak with Gavriel Aryeh. The Farnor Mission Director, yes. It’s an emergency.”

“Emergency, really?”

Nox hissed into the receiver, “Yes, it’s an emergency.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

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macgyvermedical · 4 years

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Let’s Jeff It: A “Kid + Plane + Cable + Truck” Medical Review

First, whoever thought of this episode naming convention did not expect this show to make it past season 3.

Previous MacGyver Medical Reviews:

Awl - X-Ray + Penny - Duct Tape + Jack - CD + Hoagie Foil - Guts + Fuel + Hope - Wilderness + Training + Survival - Father + Bride + Betrayal - Lidar + Rogues + Duty - Nightmares - Seeds + Permafrost + Feather - Friends + Enemies + Border - Mason + Cable + Choices - Bitter Harvest -

The episode centers around a pilot (Ben) and his son (Asher) flying in a private Cessna aircraft. The pilot has a medical emergency and becomes unconscious, leaving the plane, with 10 year old Asher inside, on autopilot and running out of fuel. Mac and Desi manage to board the plane in mid-air using an improvised zip-line, and while Desi attempts to land the plane before fuel runs out, Mac attempts to save Ben’s life by improvising a defibrillator. It’s found that the pilot had been deliberately poisoned with an unknown substance, and while investigating, Bozer is also exposed. Once the plane is safely on the ground, the episode cuts to the hospital scene where they have apparently found an antidote to the poison, and all is well.

Honestly this review will almost entirely be about the heart stuff.

Heart Stuff:

So let’s start with Ben. Our first encounter with his medical situation is when Desi asks Asher if Ben is breathing. Beyond questions about Asher’s safety (which they essentially already know), this is a great first question to ask. Breathing is fairly easy to determine, even for a 10 year old, and gives a substantial amount of information. From that one “yes” they know:

Airway: Even though he is sitting up with his head lolling forward, Ben’s airway is open- thus eliminating the immediate need for Asher to pull his father out of the chair.

Breathing: Ben is moving air between the outside and his lungs. Eliminating the need for Asher to help him with that.

Circulation: We can assume if Ben is breathing, his heart is still beating, which eliminates the need to start CPR immediately.

We don’t know the quality or anything else about his breathing or pulse, but we know they are currently at least minimally sustaining Ben’s life, which gives them some time.

Mac then asks Asher to check Ben’s pulse, instructing him “put your pointer finger and middle finger on the inside of your dad’s wrist, just below his thumb. If you don’t feel anything right away, try moving your fingers around a little bit.” This is exactly how to feel the radial pulse, and especially if Asher had ever learned how to feel a pulse before I think it would be reasonable that he could be able to do it.

At the point when Asher responds “I feel it... kinda”, he has his fingers on the other side of Ben’s wrist. And he may have, indeed, felt a pulse there. The inside of the wrist on the side of the pinky finger also has a feel-able pulse called the ulnar pulse. The ulnar pulse is more difficult to find and a little fainter, but it does exist.

The fact that Asher was able to find a radial or ulnar pulse means that Ben’s circulation is working pretty well- if blood is getting all the way to his wrist, we can assume it’s also getting to his heart, lungs, and brain. I’m not sure I would go so far as to use a 10-year-old’s assessment of “kinda” as an indication of a weak pulse, but for the purposes of the story, we’ll take it.

We also have a small amount of history from Asher that Ben was dizzy before passing out. Probably the most well known reason for a “weak pulse and dizziness”, as Russ concludes, is heart attack, but for a medical professional of any kind, that doesn’t narrow things down- heart attack, stroke, hypoglycemia, dehydration, severe allergic reaction, a hidden injury causing severe internal bleeding, a drug or poison, and many others possibilities could also present that way.

They could have gone a little more in depth with the history, asking Asher for information like whether his father had allergies, was on any medications, whether he had any medical problems like diabetes, and when they had last eaten/used the restroom, as well as any other symptoms his father had mentioned prior to passing out. All of these would have helped narrow down a diagnosis. But for a lay group of rescuers who need to stop a plane from falling out of the sky, all they really need to know is that Ben is unconscious but with ABC’s intact.

Also, shout out to Bozer for doing an AWESOME job at distracting Asher while Mac and Co put together the zipline. He didn’t promise anything he couldn’t deliver, saying “we’re gonna do everything we can” instead of “everything will be okay” when Asher asked. And he just kept the conversation going about things Asher liked that didn’t have to do with the situation. There are very few people who would be that comfortable talking to a kid under stress, and Bozer was really exceptional at it.

Once Mac and Desi get to the plane, Mac brings Ben to the back and is presumably assessing him while Desi, Bozer, Matty, and Russ discuss how and where to land. I wish we could have seen the assessment to have more to talk about, but once the story pans back to him, Mac explains that Ben’s pulse is “low, too low.” I’m not sure if he means low as in his heart rate (number of beats per minute) is low, or low as in weak, but the former makes more sense. Even though we know Ben is moving blood forcefully enough with each beat to get it to his brain, not having enough new blood per minute could still result in his unconsciousness.

Slow heart rate is called bradycardia, and there are a few “ways” to be bradycardic. One is called sinus bradycardia, and is essentially a totally normal, but less frequent, heart beat. Bradycardia can also result from atrial fibrillation, where the top section of the heart has a sort of disorganized, random pattern of beats that don’t all transmit to the lower part of the heart, resulting in only some of the beats going through and a pulse that is both slow and irregular. It can also happen when the part of the heart that determines heart rate, called the sinoatrial node, or SA node, isn’t working correctly.

The only one of these that could possibly be treated by defibrillation is the atrial fibrillation. SA node dysfunction would require a pacemaker or external pacer, and sinus bradycardia would require either atropine (of nerve agent antidote fame) or some form of pacing. Sinus brady is probably the only one that would really come from a poisoning situation (unless anyone else has a poison I’m not thinking of).

Here’s a video of atrial fibrillation getting shocked:

youtube

Because of the whole poisoning storyline, I think we have to assume that Ben has sinus bradycardia, which, if you will remember from the paragraph above, is one of the ones we can’t shock.

The way Mac explains defibrillation is as follows: “Human muscles contract and expand based on electrical signals from the nervous system. When those don’t work, we can trick a muscle, like the heart, into getting back into rhythm. That’s exactly what happens with a defibrillator.” And I’m not saying anyone couldn’t build a defibrillator with enough time and experience. But if that’s your understanding of how they work, any defibrillator you make is not one I want to try out.

See, the first sentence of that is almost correct. It’s, like, a 6th grade level of correct, but it’s technically correct. I’m just not at all sure where they got the second sentence, because that is not how anything works at all.

In reality, in order for the heart to beat, each individual heart muscle cell needs to contract in a specific sequence. This is coordinated by an electrical impulse that travels through the heart muscle tissue. When you see an EKG, this is a graphical representation of the path that impulse is taking through the heart.

If the “path” gets messed up, it results in a heart rhythm that may not be able to generate beats that support life.

Defibrillation essentially is passing a massive electrical current through the heart tissue, which overwhelms all electrical activity and causes it to stop momentarily. The hope is that the interruption will break or “convert” the ineffective impulses/paths, and the heart will resume in a normal rhythm. Since sinus brady is technically a correct rhythm (just with too long between beats), the best case scenario for defibrillation is that Ben comes back in exactly the same rhythm... which doesn’t do much for him and wastes time.

I would have been much happier and more impressed with the writers if Mac had instead brought over a Phoenix first aid kit, which would almost certainly have an atropine auto-injector for nerve agent poisonings. It’s still a MacGyverism because the drug would be meant to be used for nerve agent exposure, and it would have stood a much better chance of saving (while also not killing) Ben.

Since they never name the weird poison that has bradycardia, rash, and partial, temporary paralysis as effects, that works through transdermal exposure, and has a functioning antidote, I’m going to assume they made it up (they... didn’t have to. They could literally have done a beta blocker or calcium channel blocker overdose, they would have just had to change a few easy things omg...).

The Hospital Room:

I do kind of want to talk about that hospital room, because it’s certainly one of the best I’ve seen in MacGyver. The bed is a real hospital bed, the furniture looks like real hospital furniture, that’s a real IV pump and the tubing is set up correctly (though since the tubing is running through it and it’s on but not programmed (screen is blank) yet, it was probably beeping like heck the whole time they were trying to film), the lights are real and there are both red (generator backup) and white (grid power) electrical outlets in the room, there’s even a computer for charting immediately behind Mac and the sheets don’t fit the bed. Like, that’s a surprisingly real (though very uncluttered) hospital room. I’m actually pretty impressed by that.

A few notes on Season 4 so far:

I’ll say it- I personally disliked the fact that they put Mac and Desi together, then ended their relationship badly off screen. I love Desi as a character, and that move felt like it was designed to designate her as a source of trouble for the team instead of as an asset. I also disliked initially that they added Russ as a source of conflict, and deeply worried the writers were going to use him to push Matty out of the show (or at least, have her constantly fighting against him). I also worried that having the Phoenix taken over by a shady private entity who wants an amount of control over their operations would be shown in a positive, instead of conflicted light.

I’m honestly pretty glad this episode straightened some of those worries out. By the end, Mac and Desi were back on good terms, and Matty had asserted her control over the team in tactical decision making. I’m borderline confident that when public-private conflict is addressed from here on, it will be shown in a way the puts the correct weight on “should we worry about continuing to exist, or should we do what’s right?” and show genuine consequences to whatever choice they make. Like, I hope the writers know what they’re getting in to...

R E F E R E N C E S

#MacGyver #kid + plane + cable + truck #medical review #whump #heart #poison

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starstrucknerdbatkid · 4 years

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Hello there Ladies and Gentlemen, i'd like to take a moment to share my thoughts on the current , successful state of star wars. I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors in my little rant, I'm not a native speaker.

So, I guess where I'll begin is with my intro: currently successful?

Solo was the first star wars film to lose money, and quite a lot at that, while the beginning of the end was obvious with TLJ: they destroyed the center of the saga for most people, which was Luke Skywalker, and with RoS they even made Anakin's prophecy redundant.

And say what you want, the numbers don't lie, RoS earned not even half of what TFA did while the cost kept rising up. Not even the actors can defend this nonsense anymore, Adam driver didn't even go on the press tour for it

As far a Rogue one and the Mandalorian goes, they aren't universally beloved, they are just better by comparison then the rest of the Disney movies. The fan base for star wars has been built for 40+ years, it's was pretty strong, and making a sequel to the first movie ever was sure to be a success, right? Well, again, the numbers don't lie, and rogue one didn't earn that much money compared to the production and marketing cost. It was also made before the franchise was really driven down the shitter with TLJ and RoS.

If you want an accurate indicator of the damages TLJ did just look at solo. If the last Star Wars movie had been good, or at least decent, people would have rushed in to see the next. Instead they didn't even make their money back.

And then there's of course the Mandalorian. Aside from not having any real numbers to go by since it's on their own platform there are enough people out there that don't like it, including myself, and the reason about 20% of the people watch it is baby Yoda, which has to be applauded as the best marketing decision they did so far, and on accident no less.

What do I mean by accident?

Then the movies came out they flooded the market with toys for their new movies, all the characters, the infamous C-3PO with the red arm to make extra money...

And that's probably the biggest indicator of where the fandom currently sits: In the time do the ot people rushed in to buy the toys, kids and adults alike, and with the prequels it got even better: more toys, more ships, more clothing, Legos, basically everything you could imagine. The kids loved it, the adults who grew up with it loved it and brought their children into the wonderful world that was star wars. And the most important fact: they never, ever dropped in price because they always sold for what they were put on the shelves for.

Now what do we get: go to any bigger store and look at the star wars section. Over the last 4 years it consistently shrunk in since to the point where the RoS toys where fewer in numbers then the ones for Frozen 2. And there you'll find them, your Rose Tico's down 98% for 5ct, your Kylo Ren for 10ct, your Rey for 12ct. The kids don't want that, and their parents that brought the previous generations in don't do that anymore.

What they want however is baby Yoda, and there weren't any: realizing that they're toys didn't sell and they could save money by not producing them in the first place they stopped all project going forward, including what the fans actually wanted and now having to make then after the fact.

Now you can come up with any reason for that: blame sexism, Trump, racism, whatever, but Star Wars always had strong female characters, princess Leia kicked their ass in the OT even in the darkest of time. Even after her planet got destroyed before her eyes she still comforted Luke over his personal lose, managed to detect the empires plan to track them and organize a missing that ultimately saved everyone's live.

The reason no one really likes Fin is because he's so inconsistent in the movies he's a joke: from giving us a genuinely gritty opening in TFA where we, for the first time ever since the deleted scene from RotJ, see a stormtrooper stand up from the crowd, see him suffer through the loss of presumably a friend to making re choice not to kill, freeing a tortured prisoner for war... Straight to him laughing to himself while blowing up his comrades while they are fleeing in terror. TLJ made it even worse, and while he's not even in much of RoS just look at what the actor has to say. Fin has been done dirty, and it's not because of racism that people don't really like him, it's because his character could have been so awesome and instead turned into a bumbling buffoon by incompetent writers, producers, directors...

And that really what's wrong with it Star Wars: Kathleen Kennedy.

The first movie of the trillogy was made by the master of never answering any of the questions brought up by his oh so great mystery boxes, the second by a guy who just wanted to subvert everything, and then by the time of the 3 they suddenly realized they didn't have a story anymore. And after all other quit they brought the guy back who notoriously can't end anything, butchered his script in the production of it, to the point where he refused to call it back script anymore, and then tripped the movie down about 20%.

And that really the difference between Lukas and Kennedy: Lucas loved the universe, he wanted to tell us his story in it while allowing the rest of it to be run by passionate fans and never really interfering all that much with it. And while he did it poorly he at least made it alright. Also he was happy to sell toys

Kennedy just wants to make money with it, anyway she can:

First she de-canonized all of it except for a handful she would use for later, and then she immediately jumped in and started making movies. There literally wasn't a story to tell, each one just made it up as they went, and Kennedy was happy as long as they all adhered to her politics believes and kissed her feet. If you want prove just look at the interview of Ian Mcdiarmid where they asked him about the return of Palpatine, and he answered he only was contacted in December of 2019(aka 1 year into shooting it and 1 year before the release) where they thought about bringing the emperor back. They were so without a plan that they didn't even have a villain anymore, and in a desperate attempt to fix it they did the only thing they had left: brought back the original one somehow(and I'm not kidding, that's literally what the movie says: somehow Palpatine came back to live)

And lastly, the people put in charge of the movies don't care about the IP, they were hired as Kennedy's mouthpieces as for as her political beliefs go and worked as yes men to nod and sign everything of she did, while she let incompetent idiots like JJ. Abrams and Rian Johnson in charge.

And I can't even blame Abrams for the last movie because it wasn't his movie at that point, it was basically make by a banking Lucasfilm desperately scrambling together and throwing in what they can and mindlessly cutting stuff out at the last second.

So what's left of Star Wars? Since the book numbers are as low as the toys that leaves the games: Battlefront 2 turned out alright,after the failure of Battlefront 1 and it's desasterous launch it got way better; Fallen order is alright, and SWTOR is thankfully not part of the Disney/Lukas deal and still going strong with a bunch of new players that want to return to the old universe

But in terms of the big screen, what do we got? No new movies even announced, so much for the cancelled Boba Fett one, so I guess TV it is: Clone wars season 7 is alright I guess, it gets much better in the second half, and the main reason for that, and our only glimmer of hope at the horizon, is Dave Filoni. This man actually lives and breathes star wars, giving us the world we like with characters we actually care about and like as well as bringing his original show to a good end. They announced Mando season 2 and Obi-Wan, and despite everything going on I still care, I still want to see more of the wonderful world of star wars, and hopefully Dave will be able to restart the fire that Kennedy spent years blowing out with all her might.

Overall it's a step in the right direction: ignore the sequels and focus on the established stuff to get the fans back on board, and when Kennedy is gone and her influence has finally faded start making movies again. For most people, Dave is literally the only lifeline star wars has left, and if he can't do it I really don't know who could

#star wars #swtor #fallen order #the last jedi #the rise of skywalker #the force awakens #solo #rogue one #baby yoda #clone wars #the mandalorian

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barbariccia · 4 years

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the interface with sovereign explodes, and shatters the glass in the room with its ferocity. comms in our ear go off.

Joker: I don’t know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half. It’s coming your way, and it’s coming hard! You need to wrap things up in there -- fast!

Shepard: Time to blow this place to hell.

Joker: Right, Commander. I’ll meet you there. Joker out.

everything is happening SO much. we leave the compound to find a bridge previously inaccessible has lowered itself for us; over comms, kirrahe’s group is no longer under heavy fire, with the geth turning away from wherever they are, presumably to come kick our ass. on the way we take down an AA turret and some more rogue krogan, kirrahe sets the charges, and joker comes in with the warhead.

Ashley: Bomb is in position. We’re all set her--

Kaidan: Commander, do you read me?

Shepard: The nuke is almost ready, Lieutenant. Get to the rendezvous point!

you’re led to the squad select screen, and take a couple of teammates to one of the breeding facilities in the immediate area to go help the member on kirrahe’s team, and while you’re there, a geth ship flies overhead.

Ashley: It’s done, Commander. Go get the lieutenant and get the hell out of here.

Kaidan: Belay that. We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Williams.

and you get the true choice, finally. ashley or kaidan? alenko or williams? the nuke is armed, there’s geth everywhere, and sovereign is still on its way. you aren’t confined by a time-limit to pick, but it sure as shit feels like you are.

this, in my opinion, is when mass effect kicks into high drive and becomes the art piece that it truly is, emblematic of everything bioware wanted to be. they’ve tried to recreate this hard-choice formula in other games they’ve done, but nothing hits you in the gut as hard as virmire does the first time, with no warning as to what’s coming other than a vague sense of unease as you’re going through the mission. the examples they’ve pulled off in later games feel less personal, less intimate... and easier to spot, because of it. it was a high point for this game, but relying on a single trope to carry your games through on shock factor alone after the fact is like eating the same thing for dinner every night. it gets old, and quick.

Shepard: ... Williams, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site.

Ashley: Yes, Commander. I...

Kaidan: It’s the right choice and you know it, Ash.

Shepard: Stay alive. I’ll be coming to get you too, Kaidan.

Kaidan: I think we both know that’s not going to happen, Commander.

you and the teammates you fought your way to the breeding area with fight your way back to the bomb area, hearts pounding.

a braver man i never knew.

#mol plays mass effect

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comicbookuniversity · 5 years

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Lessons for the MonsterVerse

by Bunnypwn Gold

I have always been a big fan of Godzilla. I’ve been watching the movies since I was a kid. Now that they’re making new movies again, there’s a lot to be excited about and look forward to. Recently, I re-watched the newest one from the American MonsterVerse, Godzilla: King of the Monsters, as well as the last film from the Millennium era, Godzilla: Final Wars. Both films are big, ambitious, and include some major flaws, one of which they have in common, or at least they have flaws with overlap. While the MonsterVerse, so far, is great and is on track to continue that trend, Final Wars suffered greatest from this shared flaw, and so I am here to set out what the MonsterVerse needs to do to avoid self-destruction: take itself seriously.

Briefly, I want to provide a review and synopsis of King of the Monsters. So spoilers, it’s really good. Five years after Godzilla made landfall in San Francisco and fought against the parasitic MUTOs, Monarch is struggling to figure out what it wants to do with the Titans, as the monsters are now known, while the government and military are pressuring Monarch to kill them all. At the same time, one of their own scientists, Emma Russell, betrays them to assist ecoterrorist Alan Jonah in awakening the Titans with a bioacoustics device called the ORCA so that the Titans can spur regrowth in the environment and undo anthropogenic climate change. They revive Ghidorah in Antarctica, who then awakens all the other Titans still sleeping around the world at once, thus precipitating a conflict with Monarch and Godzilla for the crown. The film sets out to cover a lot of narrative ground while introducing several important elements to the series, and all the while it held together some solid character work for its main cast. Based on the new, expansive mythos that this film lays out—with the many new Titans and the abandoned Hollow Earth society discovered in vast underground caverns which used to live in harmony with the Titans—it looks like things will only get more exciting, and the future of the MonsterVerse is set out effectively and in grand style.

Godzilla: Final Wars is also about a large amount of monsters fighting for control of the Earth, feature monsters trapped in Antarctic ice, and ends with Godzilla fighting Ghidorah, but that’s where the similarities end. Final Wars was released in 2004 as the commemorative 50th anniversary film for the franchise. In it, the Earth has been defended from monsters for decades by the Earth Defense Force, who managed to trap Godzilla in ice in Antarctica years prior. All the other monsters around the world attack at once in the present, and the EDF was unable to keep up until the Xiliens arrived from space, removing the monsters and promising to make a peaceful alliance with humanity. In reality, the Xiliens were invading the Earth in order to herd humans like cattle because they need to eat human mitochondria to survive, and they were secretly controlling the monsters. So the heroes free Godzilla so he can help them fight the aliens and their army of brainwashed monsters. The plot also involved mutant humans and a fake rogue planet that was also somehow an actual asteroid that Godzilla later blows up. It’s a mess of a movie. That aside, it’s clear the film is trying to borrow elements from the three previous eras of Godzilla movies. It took an edgier look from the majority of the Millennium movies (from 1999-2004). The use of serious, formidable super vehicles is like the various super planes from the Heisei era films (1984-1995). However, the element borrowed from the Showa era films (1954-1975) is where it falters: campiness. The difference in this film compared to the Showa films being that they purposefully made Final Wars campy, despite the opportunity they had and despite the tone of the Showa era movies.

The original film, Gojira, is a very serious and tonally heavy film depicting the horrors of the modern era, with rapid industrialization in post-war Japan, the advent of the Cold War arms race, and the reason for that arms race, nuclear weapons, with the one man capable of killing Godzilla horrified by the devastation such an ability would grant. This movie and its first sequel were the only Godzilla films made in black and white, which impacts the way they look and how their special effects come across. After a several year hiatus, Godzilla returned to the screen to fight King Kong, this time in color. Seeing those monster suits and the limited special effects capabilities in 1960 of a B-list sci-fi flick in color really emphasizes how phony it all looked at the time. Throughout the Showa era, Godzilla shifted from an entirely villainous character to an erstwhile hero, and though the movies never stopped being presented as dramatic, they were made with an acknowledgement of how they look despite the drama and seriousness the creators otherwise wanted them to have.

Over time, of course, special effects improved. Starting with the Heisei era of films, Toho was able to produce much better suits and visual effects, and so they resumed making their movies with the kind of drama and seriousness that they had wanted all along. The Millennium era began in response to the 1998 American Godzilla, which depicted the titular monster with CGI, in contrast to the Toho tradition of using suits. The Millennium era was the last hurrah to suitmation effects, and these films, overall, looked great, probably the best that a giant monster movie can look with people in suits. Accordingly, they also hold up the more dramatic tone of the Heisei era while allowing each creative team the freedom to make the standalone Godzilla movie they wanted to make. The exception to this is Final Wars, which, as previously said, was not serious at all. Despite the successes of making serious, dramatic monster movies since 1984 and the ambitions of the Showa era’s large and imaginative canon, Final Wars decided to celebrate five decades of filmmaking by using cheesy comedy, camera work that screams “we had to edit heavily to make our actors look like action stars,” and what may very well be the least convincing acting of the entire series. The only person on set who seemed to understand any of this is alien commander X, who looked like he was being goofy on purpose, instead of on accident like the rest of the cast. Final Wars had the same opportunity as the rest of the Millennium era had to present a serious, dramatic battle for the fate of the Earth, and wasted it with aliens that seem completely unqualified to invade another planet and cramming most of their monsters into throwaway fights with Godzilla that lasted on average less than a minute.

This purposeful camp and goofiness of Final Wars is presumably meant to provide a lightness and humor to the film. This is where it overlaps with King of the Monsters, which ventured into the modern era of ironic, self-aware humor to provide levity. Borrowing from the MCU, King of the Monsters cracks wise during dramatic moments relatively often, in an attempt to lighten them up. Unfortunately, the jokes they go with are the weakest material in the film, and they do more to undermine the dramatic tension than enhance the film or provide levity. It’s like the scene in Thor: Ragnarok when Korg says they can rebuild Asgard, and then it blows up more, so never mind; or Hawkeye explaining how ridiculous his fighting robots with a bow and arrow is to Scarlet Witch in Age of Ultron. Maybe those are funny jokes, but they do more to undermine the dramatic tension than they add in humor, and both have the capacity to turn parts of the audience off by poking holes in the premise. It’s rather insecure and shows a lack of confidence in the work to stand on its own merits despite critics or easy jokes from the peanut gallery. This brand of humor gave us moments in King of the Monsters like Sam Coleman mishearing Ilene Chen saying “Ghidorah” as “gonorrhea.” It’s really not that funny, it wasn’t a moment that needed lightening up, and there’s no reason he would have misheard her since he was standing within ten feet. It ultimately undermines a moment in the film for an Asian woman to demonstrate her expertise by locating vital information about the threat at hand. But yes, Sam, I guess monsters sometimes have slightly silly-sounding names, like Ghidorah, which is based on the Japanese pronunciation of hydra, a very popular and well-respected mythical dragon.

The 2014 Godzilla film that started the MonsterVerse was enjoyable, but didn’t quite live up to its potential. That’s part of the reason I delayed seeing Kong: Skull Island far longer than I should have. When I did see it, I was amazed. I expected it to be good, and I heard great things about it, but it was far better than anything I could have imagined it to be. It was a truly great movie. After seeing it, my hopes and expectations for the MonsterVerse skyrocketed. I don’t think these expectations have been let down yet, and I expect them to be satisfied moving forward. However, the one thing I wanted most going into King of the Monsters was for them to lean into the tone and style of Skull Island more. In certain respects, I think they did, and the ambitious mythos being built here is far more substantial than anything in the Godzilla franchise so far, which usually has stuck to “monsters keep showing up and fighting.” The dramatically absurd tone, though, was what they lost by using the ridiculousness of what’s happening to make quick, weak, sometimes self-aware jokes instead of to highlight the intensity of the drama experienced by the characters. In Skull Island, when the squad had to fly their planes through a permanent thunderstorm, Sam Jackson’s character started quoting a speech about how the righteous men will win by not backing down and so inherit the Earth. The speech makes the whole thing feel even more ridiculous than a permanent thunderstorm already is, and in doing so amps up the drama and tension. This ultimately makes the arrival of a giant gorilla, which the audience is expecting to see, much more impressive and intense. That’s what I wanted for King of the Monsters. Yes, there are ridiculous aspects to giant monster movies, but the characters are living it, not watching it and thinking, “This crazy.”

Having this more serious tone is also important in really hitting the audience with the larger thematic power of the film. In Skull Island, the way Sam Jackson didn’t want to back down from killing Kong, even after seeing that it’s pointless and even detrimental to the troop, is reminiscent of the way America is currently stuck in multiple seemingly never-ending wars. At least part of the reason people don’t want to leave Iraq and Afghanistan is because they don’t want to create another Vietnam, the war that this film centers around on purpose. Having that tension of a dedicated army colonel who was just forced to “abandon” his war amplifies the drama of the other characters wanting to understand the problems of the natives and come to a real solution to their problems, and it all works because of how it resonates in the current political climate. The Godzilla side of the MonsterVerse so far is focusing on climate change, which, while abstract for far too many, is also a very real and pressing concern for a lot of people, paralyzing at times. Seeing the dramatic steps needed to fix the problem almost makes Alan and Emma’s plan in King of the Monsters feel heroic. The film is filled with images of crumbling, flooded American cities, and Ghidorah, an alien creating imbalance in nature a la humanity thinking itself separate from nature, is literally a living hurricane. There’s a lot of strong, serious, intense potential to make such a movie really meaningful. If they had taken themselves more seriously, it would have had this level of impact. It really is sad that they squandered this potential on silly jokes and a story arc for their generic, useless white man hero, Mark Russell. Like I said at the beginning, it’s still a good movie, but I can so clearly see how much better it could have been, too.

To me, dramatic movies making fun of themselves in important scenes always comes across as insecure, like filmmakers can’t simply make their movie first, they also have to preempt the internet to protect their egos. As the MonsterVerse moves forward, my biggest piece of advice is to do what Skull Island did and take itself seriously. We live in a time when a lot of previously niche franchises and genres are getting more spotlight due to the demands of studios wanting more high-action, effects heavy movies to sell huge on the international market. As these genres, once mired in cultural neglect and seen as silly and childish, come into the limelight, they both prove they always were to be taken seriously and poke fun at themselves to prove they know they shouldn’t be. I get the appeal of ironic, self-aware humor and wanting to be silly at dramatic high points, because it can be very fun and, when used properly, be incredibly funny; look to Thor: Ragnarok for an overall great example. But besides issues of improper use, this kind of humor is arguably at saturation at this point. It’s being misused and overused to the detriment of otherwise good movies in an attempt to compete with Marvel, who remains the poster child on this. So MonsterVerse, let Marvel, Disney, and all those imitators try to outdo each other by proving they can make more fun of themselves before Honest Trailers get to them. Just have fun making movies about giant monsters with the kind of drama and seriousness only modern special effect can give them, and use the ridiculousness of it all to amp up that drama instead of undermine it. Get over people calling you a nerd and just do your thing. As they say, being cool is all about confidence.

#Godzilla #king of the monsters #kong #skull island #titans #ghidorah #final wars #movies #monsters #giant monsters #marvel

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literaryspinster · 6 years

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No Thanks. No Party Lights, A Titans Christmas fanfic

Click here for Part 1: https://blackloislane.tumblr.com/post/180528931287/no-thanks-no-party-lights-a-titans-christmas

Part 2

Dick doesn’t tend to feel embarrassment. He’s never been wired that way. It’s part of the necessary confidence of being a costumed vigilante. But ever since coming back here it seems to be his primary emotion. To top it off, he found a way to make it worse on himself like the masochist he so often is. Standing in the hallway right now, with those three sets of eyes looking his way, he realizes that fucking his girlfriend within the first fifteen minutes of his long delayed visit was less than a wise decision, and also that he’d probably make the same one if he could go back.

Gar looks ready to explode with laughter, Rachel looks like she wants to disappear into the floor, Babs crosses her arms and taps her short fingernails against her bicep.

“Dick, a moment?” Babs says. She doesn’t wait for his response before she walks up to take him by the sleeve. “There’s Cocoa downstairs,” she announces behind her to the rest of them. Dick gives Kory a silent apology before Babs takes him further down the hallway and out of earshot.

“Wow,” Babs says.

“This doesn’t have to be a big deal,” He says, he can hear the defensive edge in his own voice. But he can’t explain himself any other way.

“I mean, it’s not a big deal, it’s just, you really wasted no time.”

What must she thinking right now? It can be any number of things. He hasn’t been normal since he stepped into the door, he’s barely been normal for 2 years, not to mention the 14 before that. Babs has always had her own way of navigating his sometimes elusive personality, she was usually the quickest of anyone to take it in stride, but it’s been too long, things have stacked up that need to be dealt with, and what more appropriate time to start was there?

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I know what I’m supposed to be here for.”

“You don’t have to apologize, not for that anyway.”

“I’m sorry for all of it, for disappearing.”

The corners of her lips turn up a bit, “I don’t blame you for disappearing, I get why you left this life behind, or at least I thought I did.”

“What does that mean?”

She looks down quickly at her feet, then again at him, and combs a tuft of red hair behind her ear. He was telling the truth when he said she wasn’t an ex, but there had been times over the years that they’d sort of danced around each other, before he left Gotham without a trace. Babs wasn’t the type to hold onto things like that, romance was always pretty low on her priorities list, still, it was naïve to think she’d be 100 percent cool with him now, especially after this.

“I thought you left because you wanted something more normal. And now you show up with two adopted teens with superpowers and a girlfriend from space, what exactly is normal about any of this?”

He looks at her frantically, grasping for her meaning. To know that Rachel and Gar had powers was one thing. It was a difference they carried that most people aware of the reality of powers could figure out. They may have told Babs themselves during the tour. But nobody knew where Kory came from but them and Donna, nobody was meant to know. The easiest way to keep her safe was to keep it to as few people as possible.

“What do you know about Kory?” he says.

She lets go of a breath, already a mini confession, and gives him an apologetic look. “Bruce did some digging after Jason told him about the people you had in his safe house.”

“What?” he says, the anger starting to flame again. Of course the crazy bastard would start a file on them. Batman hated not knowing as much as he could about everything and everyone. He’d even worked out a way to beat every member of the Justice League should any of them go rogue, and while Dick had always thought that was smart, it also highlighted just how little Bruce trusted anyone. Did he find a way to “beat” Kory too? Or Rachel and Gar?

“I’m sorry I have somewhere to be,” Dick says through clenched teeth before launching himself down the hall.

Getting to the Bat Cave was always sort of a convoluted process, involving lots of secret doors and special codes, and Dick wasn’t certain that the same method to it existed after two years, but he had to try. As mad as he was, he could have damn near clawed his way in. Luckily, the security measures had gone unchanged, all the way down to the old statue with the keypad beneath it. Or maybe luckily was the wrong word, maybe Bruce had some twisted reason for wanting him down there after all.

“Bruce!” He yells, creating a formidable echo in his old mentor’s base of operations. “I know you’re down here!”

Dick starts down the catwalk that hovers above the expanse of the cave, until he gets to the wall of screens on the other side. There Bruce sits, thankfully not in the Batsuit.

“Bruce?” Dick repeats before looking where the older man is looking. On all of the screens is the same picture, Jason, the kid who replaced him only to meet his far too early death at the hands of the Joker. The clown must have been the one to have taken the picture. In the shot, the boy’s mouth is gagged, he’s tied up, there are tears in his eyes and bruises on his face, and he’s looking at the camera like he’s pleading for help.

Dick barely knew Jason, but he knew that he deserved better than the end of the Joker’s crowbar. And the sight of the kid’s bruised and helpless face multiplied over dozens of screens is enough to form a lump in his throat. Why does Bruce do this? Why does he drown himself in his own pain every chance he gets? Dick came down to confront him about Kory and the others, and he plans to when his anger returns, but for now, he only feels pity.

“Come upstairs Bruce,” Dick says, almost demands. “I came here to see you, the least you can do is come upstairs.”

Bruce turns his head to look at him. It’s the first time they’ve looked at each other in so long, and Dick feels like he has nothing to say and everything to say at once.

“I didn’t think you’d show,” Bruce says.

“I didn’t think I would either.”

Bruce stands up, and Dick hopes for a fleeting moment that he’ll turn the screens off, but he leaves them on as he goes to meet Dick.

“You’re taller than I remember,” Bruce says.

Dick nearly groans in frustration, but bites it back. “No I’m not. You don’t forget things Bruce.”

“Just making conversation.”

“Does that mean you’re coming?”

Bruce glances for a moment at the crisp Armani blazer draped over the back of his chair and goes to pick it up, a yes. Finally a yes.

Dinner is mostly quiet, but not the awkward sort of quiet Dick was expecting. It’s more the deep, thoughtful kind, as if they’re all just taking each other in again. But he notices the way Bruce looks at Kory, and it makes it hard to stay in the headspace of wanting to catch up. Rachel and Gar are at least partially human, but Kory is something else, and with that comes inherent suspicion. Dick wants to fight about it, to defend her, but he also wants Bruce to stay upstairs, in the moment with all of them. He wants him to heal.

After dinner, everyone gathers in the living room around the tree. Gar immediately goes to talk to Bruce, presumably to ask him about the Ferraris, and Rachel sits with Alfred and Babs, enjoying another hot chocolate with extra chili powder, her favorite.

He watches them all while Kory sits in his lap. He wants her there in spite of the commotion earlier, things are better when she’s close, and it’s not like there are any secrets between them all now.

“You’re so quiet,” she says. “You’re not hiding something are you? Because I thought we were past that.”

He smiles up at her before preparing to stand, trusting that she’ll follow. He takes her hand then to lead her out to the balcony. If he’d taken her anywhere within the house they’d automatically assume the worst, but also, out there is the best place to look at the snow coming down, pure white against the night sky.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says when they get outside. “And there’s something I should probably tell you—

“Bruce knows I’m an alien,” she says, cutting him off.

“How did you know that?”

“Rachel got it off of Babs, you know, the half demon way.”

He pulls her closer, a reassurance. She’s so warm against him on the freezing cold balcony, he wants to sink all the way into her. “I’m going to talk to him.”

“Leave it,” she says. “You already told me all about your hyper paranoid adoptive father who’s also the world’s greatest detective. Do you think a part of me didn’t see this coming?”

“He invaded your privacy.”

“No, actually he invaded yours, I'm just a part of it. Besides, maybe it’s a good thing it’s all on the table, maybe this is a first step to getting to know each other again. That’s what you wanted right?”

“Yes but…”

“If you want to tell him off you know I’m in your corner. But if it were up to me I’d rather just have a nice Holiday now and deal with all of the family drama later. I have actual superpowers. I don’t need you to protect me from Batman.”

“I feel a little roasted by that statement.”

“You were meant to,” She giggles and goes to kiss him. His lips, nearly numb from the cold, start to melt under hers and he twists his fingers into her sweater, wanting desperately to take it off again but knowing that he can’t. Tonight, when it’s time for everyone to go to sleep, he’s going to do it again, slower this time, as slow as they can possibly stand. He wants to have her forever and he’ll start with all night long.

“What, still trying to get me out of my ridiculous sweater?” she says, pulling away. “Have you learned nothing?”

He laughs, a little louder and longer than usual, then he fixes his eyes on her as hard as he can, taking her in. He remembers the first time he ever saw her, how much brighter she seemed than anything else in his world. He knew from the beginning that he wanted to take her against the closest available surface, but he didn’t know the rest, that he’d end up needing her and wanting her at the same time, in a way that only got stronger the more time passed.

“You look fucking adorable,” he says. He kisses her again, even harder this time, hard enough to hurt in that good way. And he pulls away, not knowing what he’s going to say until he does.

“And I love you.”

As soon as the words come, he forgets why it was ever so hard in the first place. It feels like the most normal, natural thing in the world, and yet she lights up brighter than the crown on her candy colored hair. She takes his face in her hands and kisses his breath away.

“Thank you,” she says with a smile.

He deserves that.

They go back inside before Dick freezes to death, and for the first time since he arrived here, it feels the way Christmas is supposed to feel. Gar and Rachel come up to them, both brimming with something to say.

“Bruce says I can drive his Ferrari tomorrow morning if I keep it in the driveway and stay under 30 miles an hour, please don’t ruin this for me Dick, just say yes and I promise I’ll never ask for another thing.”

“We both know that isn’t true, but sure,” Dick says.

“Awesome!” Gar says, pumping his fist once.

“And Alfred gave me his cocoa recipe,” Rachel says. “We’re so stopping to buy some muscovado sugar and Aleppo pepper on the way home, just a head’s up, this could get expensive.”

“Not to worry, I’ll send you home with some of both,” Alfred says from his position in front of the tree.

“You’re the real hero Alfred, never forget it,” Rachel says with a casual wink.

They talk between themselves for a while longer, until Commisioner Gordon calls Babs up to tell her he’s done with the holiday shift and she takes her leave to spend the rest of Christmas Eve with her dad. Dick hugs her goodbye and promises not to be a stranger this time.

Throughout the night Dick repeatedly looks at Bruce, at the sadness in the man’s eyes until at some point he can’t help going up to him. Kory doesn’t want to make this into a thing, and he won’t let it come to that, but something needs to be said, if only so Bruce can know exactly where they all stand.

“I know what you know, about Kory, that she came from somewhere else. And I know how you know it.”

“Dick it wasn’t personal, I’ve always gone after intel on those with significant abilities.”

“It’s personal to me Bruce. She forgives you, which means I forgive you, but if you want me to be a part of your life again, you can’t just do whatever you want when it comes to me and the people I love. I don’t belong to you anymore, not like that.”

The light from the fireplace flickers over Bruce’s handsome, weary face, and the older man sips his brandy before opening his mouth to speak again. “I can’t make any promises, but you’re here, and I want to do what I can to make us good again Dick, as good as we can be.”

“I want that too, and for that to happen you have to know how I feel about her,” Dick looks over the room at Kory, standing by the tree, looking as beautifully wrapped as the rest of the gifts. “She’s my family now too.”

“Well that can only be a positive. If I know one thing it’s the value of family, I respect it.”

“I know you do, after what happened with Jason…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, he can tell by the look on Bruce’s face that there is nothing good or helpful to attach to the end of it. Jason is dead, and it will never be okay. Dick reaches out a hand to Bruce’s shoulder.

“Merry Christmas Bruce.”

“Merry Christmas Dick.”

When the night is over, Rachel and Gar go to their guest rooms to sleep, Alfred heads to his quarters, and Bruce goes back to his cave like Dick feared he would. But it means something that he came up for a while, had a brandy, promised Gar some time behind the wheel, and spent Christmas with them the best he could. He’ll never be as good at being Bruce Wayne as he is at being Batman, it’s something Dick has always accepted. If Bruce forgives himself for Jason one day, it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that they’ll fight side by side again, just once or twice for old time sake.

Right now though, it’s time for Dick to keep the silent promise he made to himself, to undress Kory again the second they shut themselves into his room. And he takes his time now. He uses his mouth and his fingers in whatever places she needs to make those sounds that he loves, and he rejoices in her touching him back, she’s just so good at it, always knowing where to linger, for how hard and for how long.

She was right about his room, there was never any of him in it, but right now, with her on his bed, open and loving and willing as ever, it feels like he belongs here. She climbs onto his lap and takes him all the way in, and he wraps his arms tight around her as they start to move together. She always tells him how good he feels inside of her, but he knows he can make it even better. Without warning, he attaches his mouth to her nipple, making her shiver and cry out softly.

“Say it again,” she says, her voice bouncing along with the rest of her.

He removes his mouth from her breast, and stares up at her face, his beautiful Koriand’r, his Tamaranean princess, “I love you Kory,” he says, even easier than the first time.

“I love you, too,” and she kisses him deep, and they continue into the night as the snow drifts past the windows.

The next morning, or at least what Dick thinks is the next morning considering it’s still dark out, he wakes up to her straddling his lap and staring down at him. She’s still naked aside from her panties, her thigh high socks, and that blinking light crown in her hair. He checks the bedside clock, it’s five in the morning.

“Merry Christmas,” she says.

“Baby, it’s five AM.”

“I know, I wanted to wake you up sooner but you just looked so peaceful,” she combs his bangs out of his eyes with her fingers. “But Bruce is loaded and Alfred seems like he has impeccable taste in gifts, so needless to say I’m highkey excited about opening some of those big ass boxes down there.”

He chuckles and scratches his forehead before putting both hands on her hips.

“Come here,” he says.

And she bends at the waist to collide her full, soft lips against his, to let him run his hands up and down her smooth back and tangle his fingers in her long hair.

“We should get down there,” she says, sitting back up.

“I’m sure everyone’s still asleep.”

And with perfect timing, there’s a knock on the heavy door, and not a gentle one.

“Dick!” Rachel says from the hallway, her voice even louder than their too loud for 5 am knocking.

“Dick, wake up” Gar chimes in. “Get up, time for rich guy presents, and Kory I know you’re in there too, come on guys.”

“Well, that answers that question,” Dick says. “I guess now’s as good a time as any.”

They climb out of bed then, one more reluctantly than the other, and prepare to start their day. Maybe they can stay for a while after presents, Gar has to take his test drive after all, and whatever Alfred’s making for breakfast has to be worth it. Besides, the snow is perfect around Wayne Manor, and the best revenge on Kory, Rachel and Gar for waking him up at the ass crack of dawn is the most brutal snowball assault they’ve ever known. He can hardly wait.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays folks!

#dickkory #dickkory fanfic #dick grayson #kory anders #rachel roth #garfield logan #starfire #nightwing #beast boy #raven

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per-ineptia-ad-astra · 5 years

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Star Trek Episode 1.12: The Menagerie, Part 2

AKA: Talosian Boogaloo

Our episode begins with a recap of what happened last episode: Spock gone rogue, the Enterprise heading to Talos 4, mysterious transmissions, etc, etc. After the titles, we’re back in the hearing room, where they’ve re-convened Spock’s trial, although they’ve now pared down the participants to just Kirk, Mendez, Pike and Spock. Everyone else who was there for the first part is just going to be left on a cliffhanger. Mendez reiterates that viewing transmissions from Talos 4 is strictly against Starfleet policy, but Spock tells him that the screen is now being remotely controlled and the transmissions are just going to keep coming anyway, so they have no choice but to view them. Although they could try leaving the room so they don’t have to look at the screen. Just a thought.

After Spock gives them a Previously On My Court Martial, the screen comes on again, and we see Pike waking up on a bed in some kind of strange cell. The walls are made of stone bricks but it appears to have been built into a cave, and beyond the transparent front wall of the cell a long rocky corridor stretches forth. Pike wastes very little time in attempting to bash the wall in shoulder-first, but it absorbs the impact with only a slight wobble.

Before he can make any further effort, a door slides open nearby and a quartet of Brainheads—the Talosians, presumably--appear and approach Pike’s cell. Pike starts talking to them, introducing himself as Christopher Pike, commander of the space vehicle Enterprise. Yes, that’s what he said, space vehicle. Well it’s not technically wrong, I guess.

Pike tells them his crew has come in peace, and demands to know if they can understand him. Instead of replying to him, one Talosian starts talking--telepathically--to another as if Pike can’t even hear them, which is the most annoying thing, I hate it when people do that. Specifically, he (...she? they? zie? I have no idea) remarks that “the specimen’s intelligence appears to be shockingly limited.” Wow. Rude. The Talosian leader, referred to as Magistrate, responds that this isn’t surprising since it was so easy to bait the ship here in the first place, and that they can read in Pike’s thoughts that he’s only just now starting to figure out that the encampment was an illusion. They continue to stand around making smug comments about how primitive Pike is while he tries to talk to them. But despite how primitive they find him, he seems to be more adaptable than their other specimens, so they’re ready to start “the experiment.”

Back on the Enterprise, a small group of officers, including Spock, Boyce, Number One, and a red-haired chap who was with the landing party, have convened to discuss just what they’re going to do about the captainnapping. Currently Spock is giving a presentation, in which he hypothesizes that the inhabitants of the planet live underground and manufacture all their living needs down there, because the surface of the planet doesn’t have enough vegetation or animal life to support any kind of civilization. So, as they too have now worked out, the survivors were an illusion all along. A perfect illusion, Boyce bemoans, down to every detail. Well, I don’t know about that, Boyce. I mean one of them was wearing makeup. That really should have been a tip-off.

But the danger is clear to them now. The Talosians can create illusions out of people’s own thoughts, ones that seem completely real to them in every way. That’s going to make it pretty difficult to go up against them. Spock warns that if they attract the Talosians’ attention they might find that their psychic powers are strong enough to easily kill them all. But, as Redhair points out, they can’t just leave Pike down there for the Talosians to have their way with him. Since their hand phasers didn’t bring down the door, he suggests they use the ship’s own power against it, which he says is powerful enough to “blast half a continent.” One would hope he’s exaggerating because if the ship can do that they might bring down the door, alright, but they’d probably be killing Pike and everyone else down there along with it. There’s a reason the usual response to a hostage situation is not to nuke the entire building.

Number One agrees to this plan, though, so the group disperses to go set to work. Back down in the caves, one of the Talosians is reporting to the Magistrate that they’re all hard at work probing Pike’s mind—just his mind, thankfully—and they’ve found excellent memory capacity. The Magistrate notes that Pike has a recent memory of having to fight to save his own life, which they’re going to use now, but give him “something more interesting to protect.” In his cell, Pike is examining the walls for weakness when his surroundings suddenly shift, and he finds himself on a planet surface, looking up at a pink and purple sky with a giant moon hanging on the horizon. Dominating this vista is a large castle beside a waterfront. As Pike stands there going wtf, a woman runs up to him, saying that they must hurry and hide themselves. Pike protests that he was in a cell just a minute ago and now he’s back on Rigel 7 and what’s that about? He reckons that means this is all another illusion pulled out of his memories. This is all happening as it happened back on the real Rigel 7, down to the unseen growling thing that seems to be approaching—except for the woman. She’s new.

As Pike and the mystery woman run towards the castle for cover, we pull back to the present, where Spock comments that this was “a brilliant deduction by Captain Pike.” Well, I don’t know if I would go that far. Once you’ve learned that the telepathic aliens who’ve captured you can create perfect illusions, and you find yourself suddenly in an impossible reconstruction of your own memory, it’s not a big leap to figure out that the telepathic aliens probably did it. Spock goes on to explain, just in case anyone hasn’t realized it yet, that the Talosians could indeed create any illusory world they wanted for Pike, and that even knowing they were illusions would not make him experience them any less vividly.

On the screen, Pike has figured out that the mystery woman is in fact Vina, just with longer hair and a new dress. He finds this quite odd, but doesn’t get the chance to interrogate her at length because the growling thing has found them. It turns out to actually just be a dude in standard barbarian getup, with a shield and a spiky handaxe. Who is growling.

Vina urges Pike to attack the miniboss over there while he can still swing a surprise round. Pike protests that this isn’t real, but Vina says he has to kill the guy just like he did before. This might all be an illusion but Pike is still gonna feel it just the same if he gets an axe through his chest.

After stomping around a bit, Mr. Snarly finally catches sight of Pike, so any possibility of Pike getting a sneak attack is now gone. Instead he shoves Vina out of the line of fire—the line of axe, if you will—and picks up a nearby mace and shield that’s just laying around. The two have at it, swinging weapons around like two people not used to swinging weapons around.

[Image description: A set of stone stairs between an archway leading up to a balcony. A man in heavy furs and a helmet, carrying a shield, is advancing on Pike, who is crouched on the stairs holding him off with a spear. Behind Pike a woman in a white dress with long blonde hair is cowering.]

A Pike holding a pike.

Eventually Mr. Snarly chases Pike and Vina up onto a nearby balcony. Pike gets pushed off, leaving Vina in the clutches of Mr. Snarly. In desperation, Pike picks up a nearby dagger and throws it at Mr. Snarly, somehow scoring a perfect hit and impaling the guy in the lower back despite all the thick fur in the way. That’s quite implausible impressive, though it doesn’t kill Mr. Snarly. It does attract his attention, though, as a dagger in your back is prone to do, and he proceeds to jump off the balcony to get at Pike—and lands right on top of a big vicious barbed thing that Pike holds up just in time. And that’s the end of Mr. Snarly. 500 XP for Pike!

The scene then dissolves and suddenly they’re back in the cell—both Pike and Vina, though now she has short hair and a shimmery silver dress. She promptly throws herself onto Pike, but then draws back as she realizes they’re being watched by the Talosians, who turn and exit back into the elevator without a word. Creeps.

Back in the present, the hearing room screen suddenly goes blank all by itself, to the surprise of Kirk and Mendez. Spock says this is because the Talosians know that Pike is getting worn out, and sure enough, the guy is asleep with his head slumped forward, thus far the only movement the actor has gotten to perform. The Talosians, Spock says, have a vested interest in Pike getting back alive. He suggests they take a break so everyone can catch a nap. Mendez and Spock have yet another brief bout of verbal arm-wrestling, which predictably goes nowhere. So they take a recess and come back after the break.

As everyone heads back into the room, Kirk’s voiceover informs us that they’re now only an hour out from Talos 4. Luckily for them Captain Pike’s gripping adventures fit remarkably well into a television episode format, so they should have plenty of time to finish watching before they get there.

On the screen, Pike is questioning Vina, asking what her whole deal is. She says she’s there to please him (gross), and when asked if she’s real she says she’s “real as you wish.” Pike calls that one out as the vague non-answer that it is, but Vina’s not any more forthcoming. He guesses that she’s there to get a reaction out of him for the sake of whatever this whole experiment is. While Pike muses out-loud on this, Vina tells him that he can live out any dream or fantasy he wants, and that she can be any woman he’s ever wanted. Vina. Vina, you’re creeping me out here. Please stop.

Mercifully for all of us, Pike is currently less interested in living out sex fantasies and more interested in not being caged up and experimented on by a bunch of psychic jerks, so he tells Vina that the best way for her to please him is to give him some information about how he can fight back against the Talosians. She won’t, though, only saying that he’s a fool, so Pike goes “well you’re not real anyway, nyah” and stalks off. But only about two feet away, there’s not much room to stalk in there.

Up on the planet surface, the Enterprise crew have brought up a seriously big laser and aimed it at the door. They start the countdown and then all run off and hide behind some rocks to watch the show. It’s an impressive show, including a lot of eye-watering flashing lights, but no matter how high they crank up the power, the door won’t budge. Eventually they have to shut it off, leaving them with no sign that anything happened at all, despite all reasonable expectations. But as Boyce points out, they can’t actually be sure of that—the Talosians’ psychic powers are so OP, they could have actually blasted that whole hill to kingdom come and they just can’t tell. Well, that was a productive use of time.

Back in the cell, Vina, evidently tired of being ignored, finally says that maybe she could answer some questions for Pike. But only if he’ll pick a fantasy for them to live out together. Pike is only willing to go as far as “perhaps” but that’s good enough for her. So he asks just how much the Talosians can control people. Vina says they can’t actually force him to do anything, only trick him using the illusions, and punish him if he doesn’t cooperate. They’re not completely all-powerful, then—good to know. As any good gamer knows, if it’s got a weakness, you can find a way to kill it.

When asked, Vina gives some backstory on the Talosians. Evidently they used to live up on the surface many millennia ago, but there was a great war that wrecked the planet so badly it’s only just starting to become able to support life again. The Talosians that managed to escape underground found that living in caves forever is really boring, so they worked on developing their psychic powers to compensate. As Vina explains, though, this was their downfall (well, their second downfall). Once their powers got so great that they could start living out any fantasy they wanted, they stopped doing anything else. Stopped building, expanding, creating, or maintaining their own society. Just sat around all day, dreaming up fake lives. Kind of like having the internet, but even worse.

Having specimens like Pike around is really great for the Talosians, Vina explains, because when they create illusions for him to live out they get to live vicariously through him, feeling his emotions and seeing new experiences. That’s why they’ve got a whole zoo down here, brought back from all over the galaxy. She doesn’t explain how they were brought back. The Talosians seem either unable or unwilling to leave the planet, so did they just have to lure all of their specimens to them? That would indicate that all of those specimens are actually from species advanced enough to have space travel, yet the presence of any other sapient species in the zoo is never mentioned. This would seem to lead to one of two conclusions: either there are other sapient species in the zoo and Pike and Vina just don’t care enough to give them any thought, or the Talosians got really lucky and managed to lure Space Noah’s Ark over to them.

If the Talosians have been keeping all these specimens around for years, Pike works out, they must have been doing what zoos usually do with their animals—breeding them. That indicates they intend to breed them some humans, too. They’ve now got a male specimen, so where are they going to find the female one? Vina protests that Pike made a deal with her about this question-asking business, but Pike says he doesn’t have to hold up a deal with a person who doesn’t exist anyway. Vina tells him that actually she is real, as real and human as him. They’re like Adam and Eve, she says. Oh boy.

Before she can elaborate on that, though, Vina starts writhing around and screaming in pain, begging not to be punished. Then she vanishes, leaving nothing but an empty dress behind. Pike turns to see the Magistrate, who’s been watching them for a while now, and who promptly skedaddles back into the elevator. But like, in a smug way.

Back in the hearing room, Mendez asks Pike if this means he was captured as breeding stock, just in case anyone in the audience doesn’t know who Adam and Eve are. Kirk questions why, was it just to maintain their zoo? Spock says there was much more going on. Then we go back to the footage. Thanks guys, really needed that little break there, very vital for the ongoing plot.

Pike has gone back to leaning on the walls in the hopes of finding a weak spot, when he sees that a glass of blue liquid has come through a panel. He tries to break through the panel, but he’s far too late and it’s now shut securely again. Nothing left to do but check out that glass. The Magistrate, who’s come back again, tells Pike that the liquid is a nourishing protein complex, good for when you’re working out a lot. And they actually say this with their mouth, the first time any of the Talosians have deigned to communicate verbally.

The Magistrate says that if Pike doesn’t find the protein complex appetizing, it can appear to be any kind of food he wants. What if, Pike asks, what he wants is to go on a hunger strike instead? The Magistrate replies that if Pike doesn’t cooperate he can be punished. Seconds later, Pike is writhing about in a landscape of flame and boiling mud, screaming dramatically. Then, just as quickly, he’s back in the cell. The Magistrate says they drew this experience from a fable Pike heard in childhood. I presume they’re talking about Hell, but really it could be a lot of things. Muspelheim, for example.

So if Pike doesn’t do what he’s told he’ll be put in time-out in Hell, which is pretty bad. But he wonders, why not just make him feel irresistibly hungry? The Magistrate doesn’t answer, but Pike works it out himself: that’s not within their power. They can construct imaginary environments that provide certain kinds of stimulus, but it seems that directly forcing people to feel specific sensations is a no-go. But the Magistrate warns that if Pike doesn’t drink his supper they can draw even worse punishments from his mind, so reluctantly he downs the contents of the glass. Then he gets up and abruptly makes a charge for the front of the cell, causing the Magistrate to briefly step back in alarm.

What follows is two completely separate conversations happening at once. Pike is focused on the Magistrate’s reaction. In that moment, he says, he was only thinking about how much he wanted to hurt the Magistrate, which makes him wonder if the Talosians can’t read through ‘primitive thoughts.’ Meanwhile the Magistrate, stubbornly ignoring everything Pike is saying, tells him that a human ship really did crash on the planet, but in reality there was only one survivor, badly injured. They fixed her up, found her ‘interesting,’ and decided they would need to attract a mate.

Pike finally caves to the subject and notes that the Talosians seem to be trying to make Pike feel protective and caring towards Vina. The Magistrate says this is necessary for propagation of the species. So apparently, despite how advanced the Talosians would like us to think they are, the only way they can get a baby out of a couple of humans is to get them to physically have sex with each other. I mean, we don’t even have to do that anymore. On that note, the Talosians got really lucky that both of their ‘specimens’ turned out to be cis and straight, and evidently still in full possession of all baby-making capabilities. Imagine how gloriously Pike could derail this whole stupid thing just by saying, “Sorry guys, got something to tell you...” My enjoyment of this episode would skyrocket.

The Magistrate says they only want Pike to fall in love with Vina because they want their specimens to be happy. Pike immediately dismisses that as a lie, which seems fair, since so far the Talosians’ attempts to make Pike ‘happy’ have involved sticking him in a ten by ten room with a single hard bench, constantly threatening to punish him horribly if he steps out of line, occasionally providing him with a single mouthful of liquid for sustenance, and standing right outside loudly insulting him for kicks. You guys would never get AZA accredited at this rate.

So Pike naturally enough assumes they have ulterior motives. He thinks that maybe they’re trying to get him to genuinely bond with Vina so they can establish a family group, maybe leading up to a whole community. Hopefully they’re planning to get some more specimens in the mix there or that human community is gonna face some serious problems. On his way out, the Magistrate says that Vina has been properly ‘conditioned,’ which enrages Pike, who says that if they’re going to punish anyone they should punish him because he’s the one not cooperating. The Magistrate smugly notes that Pike is feeling protectiveness and, now, sympathy, which is just what they want. Then they swan off again.

I don’t know if I would consider getting a human to feel sympathy and protectiveness to be much of an accomplishment though, to be honest. I mean, humans can feel sympathy and protectiveness towards animals, plants, inanimate objects, fictional characters, Animal Crossing villagers...it doesn’t take a masterwork of manipulation, is what I’m saying.

Pike stands there glaring after the Magistrate, but a moment later the cell fades out and he suddenly finds himself in a soundstage with some trees on it—sorry, I meant, some beautiful and verdant parkland, of course. Nearby is Vina with a blanket and picnic basket, and also, a couple horses. Pike recognizes the horses as his, the ones he was telling Boyce about back in Part I, and takes a minute to happily pet one and feed him some sugar cubes. Pike’s held out in the face of being offered any kind of wild fantasy he wishes, refusing to buy into any illusion he’s been given, but getting to see his beloved pets, now, that’ll make him immediately give in a little. Which I consider to be easily the most realistic moment in this entire story. If you wanted me to buy into an illusory world, putting my cat in it would probably be your best bet.

This all seems to be a scene from home for Pike, home in the most ideal possible sense, and Vina tells him he can stay there. Pike protests that neither of them are really there, that they’re being held in a cage, a menagerie—two for one title drop there, woo! But Vina reacts very badly to any mention that this is all an illusion. Pike keeps trying to get information out of her while she sits there begging for him to just go along with it.

Eventually Vina says that it’s true the Talosians can’t read through primitive emotions like hate. I’m not sure why hate is a more primitive emotion than anything else. I could understand how any strong enough emotion could overwhelm sensitive telepathy, but no, it’s just hate, I guess. Personally I think hate is kind of an advanced emotion. I mean, do you think animals feel hate? I don’t think so. I think it’s something we invented.

Problem is, Vina says, it’s impossible to keep that hate going for long enough to really do anything. “I’ve tried,” she says. “They keep at you and at you, year after year, tricking and punishing. And they’ve won. They own me.”

Keep in mind that if Vina was really a survivor of that crash, that means she’s been here for eighteen years. Eighteen years alone with no contact except for figments of her imagination and some aliens that view her as nothing more than a primitive animal. Eighteen years of being held captive by beings that can make someone live through the most nightmarish scenarios they could possibly imagine as punishment for any transgression. Eighteen years of constant psychological manipulation and torture. Pike’s frustration with her unwillingness to help is understandable but it’s hardly any wonder that Vina just wants him to cooperate so that the hell she lives in, that she’s given up any chance of ever getting out of, could now at least become a little more bearable. We only get a glimpse of what that hell must have been like for her, but that glimpse is absolutely horrific.

Pike comforts her, because you’d have to be pretty damn hard-hearted to not react to that little speech, but Vina says he doesn’t fully realize what’s going on. She says that the Talosians picked Pike specifically because they read her mind to know what her idea of the perfect man would be. In other words, he was hand-picked to be someone she couldn’t help but fall in love with. Really, they searched her mind for the ideal man and came up with this dude? Vina. Vina, honey, I don’t mean to judge, but you could do so much better.

While the Talosians watch from their cave monitor, because they’re skeevy bastards, Pike says that he’s been attracted to Vina as well from the moment he first saw her in the camp. When you thought she was eighteen, ya creep. He says she was like “a wild little animal.” Pike...Pike, I don’t know where you learned to compliment women but you clearly need to go back and take the course again.

Vina says that she thinks she knows now why Pike hasn’t been brought in by any of the illusions; they’re all things that he’s experienced and is familiar with. A person’s wildest dreams, she says, are about things that they can’t have. Pike being a starship captain means he always has to be formal and honorable, so he must be yearning to cut loose. Wow, thanks for giving the Talosians free tips on how to psychologically manipulate humans, Vina.

Sure enough, the Talosians promptly change the idyllic scene, and Pike finds himself dressed in ornate clothing and sitting by a poolside while Vina—now appearing as an Orion woman with green skin and dark hair—dances with the accompaniment of a few guys playing music that I can only describe as ‘stereotypically exotic’. And that really is the same actress, Susan Oliver, who had a long career as an actor, director, and aviator, but mostly now gets remembered for a few minutes of dancing around with green paint on.

(A fun fact about this scene is that they had to experiment a lot to get the green makeup right, but when the film first came back from editing, the green was barely visible. So they tried another makeup, but that didn’t show up any better. This went on for a while before they found out that the guy in the film lab had been assuming that the green color was a mistake that they would want corrected, and had been hard at work undoing the makeup artist’s hard work. That’s the only fun thing I can come up with about this scene, though.)

Apparently Pike’s wildest fantasies also include a bowl of fruit and a couple of incredibly sleazy guys sitting next to him just to round things out. Luckily for him, all this is being observed not just by a bunch of smug jerk aliens, but also by the court martial attendees watching it on the screen in the present, while he sits there unable to leave or say anything or even turn around. And yes, the scene cuts back to the present, just in case anyone might have forgotten about that. Kirk even asks Pike to confirm that that is Vina as the Orion slave girl, for no reason I can think of except to just embarrass him. Mendez muses that “[Orion women] are like animals—vicious, seductive. They say no human male can resist them.”

Excuse me, I need to just step away from my computer for a moment.

[distant sounds of a head banging against a wall]

Okay, I’m back. Where were we? Oh, right. This.

The sexy dancing goes on for longer than is frankly necessary—although really, any amount of time at all would be longer than is necessary—while Pike sits there vibrating in place before he can’t stand it anymore and flees through a nearby door. Beyond is a series of, guess what, more caves. As Pike looks around for an exit he finds that the way back is now gone, nothing more than a solid stone wall. And then Vina, still in green, appears behind him, holding a torch.

What happens next is left to the imagination—probably for the best there—as we then finally return to the Enterprise, where a landing party is assembling. Number One and Spock give the rest a grim briefing: they’re hoping to beam down to the inside of the Talosians’ base, but there’s always the possibility that the Talosians could manipulate what the transporter officer sees and cause people to be beamed inside solid rock. Gee, the transporter sure is fun. Number One says that, given that lovely possibility, anyone is free to back out now without judgment, but no one does. No one ever does when someone gives that ultimatum, come to think of it.

So they all get on the transporter and prepare to head off, but when the switch is hit, only two of the six people actually go anywhere: Number One and a red-haired female crewman who’s been around but hasn’t been named yet. Or, as Spock hilariously declares rather loudly, “THE WOMEN!”

The transporter operators fumble desperately with the controls, but to no avail: the women are, indeed, gone. Specifically, they’ve gone to Pike’s cell. The inside of his cell, unfortunately. Pike is evidently still inside the illusion doing I-don’t-want-to-know-what with Vina because he’s just standing there staring into space while Vina has her hands on his shoulders. Upon seeing the new arrivals she screams, “No! Let me finish!” and storms away.

While Vina sulks and the other two women realize that no one else got transported with them, Pike re-enters reality, and promptly tears open the redhead’s landing jacket. No worries, though: what he’s after is the phaser she’s carrying. He takes Number One’s, too, but to his frustration neither phaser seems to be working. Neither is Number One’s communicator.

So Pike adopts a new strategy. He stands over by the panel where the food-drink came out, drops the phasers in front of it, and begins loudly talking about how he’s imagining beating up the Talosians, filling his mind with that most primitive of emotions, hate. Meanwhile, Vina moves on to picking on the other women, sneering about how the redhead is “a fine choice for intelligent offspring” and that “they’d have more luck crossing him with a computer” than Number One, who somehow has already figured out that the Talosians are trying to breed humans from Pike. Number One fires back that Vina was an adult crewman on the crashed ship eighteen years ago, meaning she should not be looking quite so young and sprightly anymore. Yeah, you really get a sense that Number One is logical, emotionless and detached, by how her response to one half-baked insult is to immediately go, “Oh yeah, well you’re OLD.”

The whole argument is derailed when the Magistrate comes back to tell Pike that since he’s been resisting Vina, they’ve brought him two more women to choose from. Great. Lovely. Look, I, uh...I don’t really want to examine the practicality of breeding humans too much, y’know, but...I don’t understand why the Talosians are so focused on Pike and only Pike here. When they only had one human on hand, and wanted a lot more humans, trying to get more humans out of that first human makes...sense, I guess. But now there’s a whole ship up there of some four hundred humans (and one half-human), and they’re completely ignoring all of them except Pike and two women that they only brought down to entice Pike some more. Sure, they’ve decided Pike is the ‘prime specimen’ or whatever, but he’s only one guy. If you want to build a whole community, you’re going to need a lot more genetic diversity—not to mention the additional skillsets offered by the rest of the Enterprise crew, that the Talosians themselves clearly don’t have, and the fact that having so many more extra specimens means your whole plan isn’t ruined if one of them dies or is infertile or refuses to get with the program. This plot is obviously incredibly ethically wrong, but it’s also just incredibly stupid on a practical level.

The Magistrate proceeds to inform Pike that both women have qualities in their favor: Number One is really smart, and the redhead is young and strong. Also apparently she’s been crushing on Pike for some time but considered him unreachable and is now realizing that that’s changed. Sure, because any woman’s first thought upon suddenly being imprisoned to use as breeding stock would be “oh cool, I get to screw the captain now.” That’s ever so realistic.

Pike is still yelling at the Magistrate about all his hateful thoughts, but the Magistrate puts a stop to it by giving him some kind of mental punishment, presumably another trip to hell. They smugly tell the assembled captives that wrong thinking will be punished and right thinking will be rewarded. Then they flounce away.

Sometime later, everyone’s sitting around looking glum—or taking a nap, in Vina’s case—when Pike sees the panel in the wall start to slide open. The Magistrate is making a grab for the phasers Pike dropped there earlier. But this time Pike is ready. He pounces on the guy, hauling them out into the cell, pinning them to the floor, and grabbing them by the throat. The Magistrate responds by making themself appear to be some kind of big hairy thing with tusks, but Pike is undeterred and hangs on, threatening the Magistrate into dropping the illusion. So then the Magistrate says that if Pike doesn’t release them they’ll destroy the Enterprise. Vina says they can do it, by tricking the crew into working the wrong controls, but Pike thinks they won’t.

He tries the phasers again, but they still don’t seem to be working. So he turns the phaser on the Magistrate. He’s guessing that the phaser did work and the Magistrate just illusion’d over it, but they’re probably not going to be able to do the same thing if Pike shoots them in the head. The Magistrate gives in and, sure enough, a big hole suddenly appears in the front wall of the cell. Well, fancy that.

Everyone makes their way out of the hole, Pike hauling along the Magistrate with a phaser still pointed at their head. Back in the present, the screen goes off on its own. Spock, for the first time during all this, seems unsure and worried, especially when Mendez comments that “it seems the Talosians have deserted you.” He asks them to just wait a moment, but the screen still remains white. I feel for him. It sucks when you’re trying to give a presentation but the projector’s just not cooperating.

Mendez asks Pike for his verdict, but Spock begs his former captain to signal for a wait instead, telling him it’s a chance for his life on the line. Kirk questions what Spock means, exactly, by all this ‘chance for life’ business, since all that we’ve seen indicates that ‘life’ with the Talosians means being kept caged and treated like a zoo animal performing for amusement. You know, Kirk, that’s a mighty good point. We’ll get back to that later.

Spock insists there’s more to it and tells him to watch, but there’s nothing to watch. It sure is a pity Spock has completely lost his ability to explain anything himself and can only rely on the screen to do it for him. Tragic.

With no more footage forthcoming, Mendez pushes again for a verdict, and Pike votes with a single long beep: guilty. Mendez himself votes guilty as well. Attention turns to Kirk, although with two guilty votes it doesn’t much matter what he says now. Still, there’s quite the dramatic chord when he votes guilty as well. Although it’d be pretty hard to not vote that Spock was guilty right now. I mean, he put in a guilty plea. They know he did indeed take the ship to Talos 4 because they’re on the ship and it’s going there right now. Spock may (or may not, it’s debatable) have good reasons for doing what he’s doing, but it’d be kind of ludicrous to call him innocent of the charges.

After the break, the bridge calls in to say that they’re entering orbit around Talos 4. Spock says that the Talosians are controlling the ship like they did thirteen years ago. Uh. The Talosians didn’t control the ship thirteen years ago, though, did they? They tricked the people who did control the ship into going there, but there was never an indication that they could actually control the ship directly. You might say they were just controlling it via illusions again, except they can’t do that because no one is actually flying the ship right now. It’s still computer controlled. So what’s going on here, Spock?

Spock’s not forthcoming about this but he says they’ll see the answer as to why right now. And sure enough, the screen comes back on. Man, all that drama about whether the record would keep playing, and voting Spock guilty or not, that sure led up to something, didn’t it. Here they are, all still in the room. Watching the screen. Why did it go off in the first place? Nobody knows.

On the screen, Pike and co take the elevator back up to the surface, where it turns out that the giant laser cannon actually did blow the door clean off, and took out a bunch of the surrounding rock, too—the Talosians just put an illusion over it.

Pike orders Number One to contact the ship, but it seems she can’t. The Magistrate gloats that their escape attempt was futile and actually they wanted the prisoners to get up to the surface. Oh, fuck off. If they wanted the humans on the surface, they could have taken them to the surface at any time. There was no need for an elaborate charade of pretending to be taken prisoner. This punk just got their ass handed to them and is too terminally smug to admit it. “Yeah, this was our plan! We wanted you to do this all along!” Bullshit.

Anyway, the Magistrate says it’s time for the reclaiming of the planet surface to begin, once Pike chooses a lady. Pike says that he’ll stay with Vina if the Talosians at least send Number One and the redhead back. Number One then drops this stunning line.

[Image Description: Number One, a white woman with long dark hair wearing a blue landing party jacket over a gold uniform shirt, saying, “It’s wrong to create a race of humans to live as slaves.”]

REALLY, IS IT? I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED. Man, Star Trek really coming in with the hard-hitting moral lessons here. So cerebral! I’m in awe.

To prove her point, Number One has set her phaser to start overloading, which will kill all of them. The Magistrate is, for once, quite thrown by this sudden determination to die rather than live in captivity. Pike tells Vina and the Magistrate that they still have time to get back underground before the phaser goes off, but Vina says that if they all really find it this important, she’s staying with them. After all if the Talosians have any human beings left they’ll probably just keep trying this whole thing all over again. And poor Vina may well be thinking now that going out in a phaser overload is preferable to more time as a captive under such awful circumstances.

Before anyone can get vaporized, though, a couple more Talosians come up in the elevator. Apparently they’ve got some information from the Enterprise records that they’re here to deliver to the Magistrate telepathically, though not before getting in yet another dig about how crude the humans are. The Magistrate is stunned at this new information: that humans have such a hatred for captivity that they’ll choose death instead, no matter how pleasant the captivity is. Yeah, we really hate captivity. Not so much, of course, that we won’t subject lots of other humans to it if it’s convenient for us, but, y’know.

At any rate, from this information (wherever they got it from—was there just a subheading in the Enterprise archives about How Much We Hate Captivity, Boy We Really Do?), the Talosians figure that using humans for their slave race is never going to work because they’re just too violent and rebellious. Since the humans are no use, the Talosians are going to let them go. Oh. Well okay then.

Pike is annoyed that they’re not even getting a “sorry we kidnapped and tried to enslave you” or anything, but one of the Talosians points out that without a slave race, the Talosians are condemned to die, so Pike should be happy with that. Oh sure, blame it on the humans. You were the ones who got yourselves into the situation where you needed a slave race to survive. You have only yourselves to blame.

But apparently humans were the Talosians’ best shot, as they were unable to find any other species adaptable enough for the purpose. Pike wonders if there might be, y’know, some middle ground between survival by slave race and extinction—trading, perhaps—but the Magistrate says that humans would eventually pick up the Talosians’ illusion powers and destroy themselves too. That’s a remarkably confident prediction. How do they know humans are even capable of developing that power, or that they would react in the same way to having it?

Oh, never mind. Pike’s done with these idiots and ready to get back to the ship. All eyes then turn to Vina—who says she can’t go.

Up in the transporter room, they’ve suddenly got power again, and the helm is responding once more. Oh, I guess the Talosians did have control over the ship? Since...when? It seems to be enough for them to transport Number One and the redhead back up, at any rate. But not Pike just yet. He’s still down there talking to Vina.

As dramatic music plays, the illusion fades away from Vina, revealing her TRUE FORM: an old woman with a couple scars and a hunch. Hideous.

[Image Description: Vina, an old white woman with stiff pale hair, a scar running across her face and another under the corner of her mouth. She is wearing a shimmery white-gray garment and her right shoulder is hunched up close to her ear.]

Vina says the Talosians found her in the wreckage of the crash, horribly injured, and were able to save her, but because they had never seen a human before they had “no guide to putting [her] back together.” So they were able to figure out human anatomy well enough to restore a dying crash victim to full health, while somehow also not being able to figure it out well enough to make the human look right—even though the Talosians are pretty human-looking themselves and, one would think, would have a decent idea of where all the arms and legs and things go at least. Of course, given that all we can see is Vina’s face and some of the shape of her upper body, it’s rather hard to tell what the Talosians even did that was supposedly so bad. Maybe we’re supposed to imagine the rest of her looks like a Necromorph, but as it is, you’ll forgive me for not dropping my jaw in horror at an old woman with a hump.

Pike, however, seems to be considerably more squeamish, and stands there gaping like an idiot. The Magistrate tells him that they had to show him that Vina did in fact honestly want to stay behind, but they’ll give her back her “illusion of beauty” and “more.” I mean they psychologically tortured her for eighteen years, but we can probably trust them with her welfare.

So Pike returns to the ship, and when asked if Vina isn’t coming with, he says, “No, and I agreed with her reasons.” Oh, you agreed, did you? Once you saw her “true form” wasn’t attractive to you, you realized it was better for her to stay with the aliens that tortured and enslaved her. God forbid she should walk among humans again. She might drive people mad!

The Enterprise heads out, and in the present, the screen goes white again—presumably that’s really the end this time. Kirk gets up, shares a long look with Spock, then turns to say something to Mendez—but Mendez promptly disappears. An image of the Magistrate then appears on the screen, speaking telepathically.

The Magistrate says that Mendez never left the base—he’s been an illusion ever since the shuttlecraft. Having heard from Spock what strength of will Kirk had, they were afraid that Kirk would regain control of the ship, so they made this illusory court martial to distract him. Well if that was the case, why the frell did Mendez keep trying to end the court martial? You’d think they would want him to be extending it as much as possible instead of constantly saying he wanted it stopped.

Anyway, the Magistrate says Pike is welcome to come stay with them for the rest of his life, where he can live in a virtual world instead of being stuck paralyzed forever. Kirk wants to know why the hell Spock didn’t just explain all this to him, because after all Kirk is always down for breaking Starfleet regulations if the Right Thing To Do is on the line. But Spock says that he wouldn’t have Kirk facing the death penalty too. Uh, he kind of is, though? Because it’s his ship so he’s responsible for everything that happens on it? Did we not go over this? I think we went over this.

At that moment, though, a message comes in from the real Mendez, saying that they received the transmissions from Talos 4 also, and in light of how important Pike has been to the service, they’re going to drop the death penalty thing this one time. And Spock is off the hook. Oh, well, that’s super nice of them. I guess the only thing left to do is ask Pike himself if he wants to go.

Pike says yes, so Spock takes him off to the transporter room. Kirk, left alone in the room, is shown an image of Pike—young, healthy Pike—returning down the elevator hand in hand with Vina. “Captain Pike has an illusion, and you have reality,” the Magistrate says. “May you find your way as pleasant.” And there we end.

There is so much going on here I don’t even know where to start. The ending that Vina gets is, quite honestly, an outrage. It’s presented as an utterly obvious fact that her appearance means that staying behind on Talos 4 is best for her. Did anyone consider that maybe if they brought her back she could be treated by human doctors, who, y’know, generally have seen a human or two in their time and might be able to help her a wee bit more than the clueless aliens? Even if not, even if they could do nothing for her, why the hell shouldn’t she come back? It can’t be that she’s somehow unable to leave, such as from some kind of medical issue that only the Talosians can treat, because she outright says “everything works.” It’s an ending that pretty bluntly says that for a woman, being disfigured is such a horrible fate that it’s better for her to remain a captive of the aliens that imprisoned, tortured, and attempted to breed her to make a race of slaves, than for her to live with other humans. Some enlightened future this is!

It’s a bad enough for a character of any gender, but it’s hard not to see it as being directly related to her being a woman, because we have a male example to directly compare it to: Pike. Pike’s appearance after his accident helps demonstrate his condition but it’s otherwise pretty much incidental. No one ever comments on it. All the focus is on his quality of life--which it should be in that situation, but no one ever talks about Vina’s quality of life. So for Pike to consider going to live in a virtual world with the jerkass aliens he has to be completely paralyzed and barely able to communicate with anyone, but for Vina, well, she doesn’t look nice anymore, so that’s basically just as bad, right?

Not that the whole question of going to live with the jerkass aliens is itself not weird as hell. The idea of choosing the virtual world isn’t so much the problem. I mean, I spend way too much time playing video games to call anyone else out on their decisions in that regard. If this was some neutral situation--a planet or machine that naturally generates these illusions, or that the Enterprise had stumbled upon aliens with this power accidentally, maybe, for Pike or even Vina to choose to live there because they felt their quality of life in the real world was no longer good enough, that would be an understandable decision. But we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about the aliens that kidnapped five people, put them in cages and treated them like zoo animals, tortured them for not obeying, and intended to breed a race of slaves from them. Did everyone just forget that?! Vina outright described being tortured for eighteen years by the Talosians. Why would anyone remotely be okay with the idea of continuing to live with them? Why would you trust that they genuinely had good intentions for Pike and Vina now or that they’ve become definitely reformed in the past thirteen years? Why are we expected to treat this as an unambiguously happy ending?

I acknowledge that there were limitations when it came to writing The Menagerie--they had to work with an existing story which wasn’t written with the later framework in mind. But they didn’t have to frame that story in the way that they did, which, I’ll be honest with you, I did not find that great. It starts out interesting enough, with this whole question of what could possibly be going on with Spock, and what’s so terrible about Talos 4, but once they get to the actual court martial it just peters out. They keep trying to maintain tension in both storylines, but all the drama in the present one falls flat because it’s meaningless. Periodically the screen will stop or Mendez will go “I’ve had enough of this!”--and then nothing happens and everything carries on as it was. Then at the end it turns out Mendez wasn’t real and, despite Talos 4 apparently being SO DANGEROUS that it warranted the only death penalty in the Federation, Starfleet is like “oh okay yeah no it’s fine” and that’s the end of that.

Why not just...I don’t know...present the story as a flashback? Why go to all the trouble of setting up circumstances of letting them view the footage on a screen in a way that’s so weird the characters straight up have to say “hang on this doesn’t make sense” just to get the audience to accept it? Set up a situation where the present day Enterprise crew is dealing with something a little like the Talosians and have Spock go “oh we encountered something like this once” and Kirk go “oh tell me about it” and then at the end Kirk somehow gets an idea of how to deal with the current situation because of that story. Or maybe someone makes contact with Talos 4, maybe they’ve changed their minds and want to ask for help after all, maybe Vina’s changed her mind and wants to go home, but Spock has to relate the story because no one else knows what’s going on. Hell, maybe Spock and Kirk just meet Pike in a bar and he’s like “hey Spock remember those dumb aliens we met that one time!” There’s lots of potential frameworks that would be less overly complicated, and less prone to setting themselves up to an unsatisfactory conclusion, than the one we got.

The Cage was infamously rejected because the executives thought it was “too cerebral.” What, exactly, they thought was cerebral about it is a mystery to me. Was it Pike fighting a snarly guy in a fur hat for five minutes? Was it the bit where a woman in green body paint dances sensually while a lot of men ogle at her? Was it the giant laser? There’s so many amazingly cerebral things in this story, it could have been any of them. But whatever their reasons, I, for one, can only say I am glad that they did reject The Cage and that we got the show that we did instead.

TREK TROPE TALLY: None once again this episode--unsurprisingly since we only saw two main cast members and they just sat in a room the whole time. Next time we’ll be enjoying intrigue and Shakespeare references galore with The Conscience of the King.

#star trek #star trek the original series #star trek season one #1.12 The Menagerie Part 2 #recap tag #star trek TOS recaps #1.12 The Menagerie Part 2 recap

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squillynerdsout · 5 years

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Spider-Man: Life Story’s first two issues (SPOILERS)

I want to talk more about #2 since it just came out and I have a lot more to say about it, but to fully understand my problems with the new one, I need to talk a little about #1 first.

Issue #1: The ‘60s

This was a very promising start for a new “what if” type of story, essentially asking the question “What if Peter Parker had aged normally since that first story nearly 60 years ago?” The first issue wasn’t too thrilling, but I knew this would be kind of story where the concept becomes more realized as it goes on. The first issue takes place throughout the late 1960′s, so we get a pretty standard college aged Spider-Man story where he fights the Green Goblin, and a subplot about the Vietnam War. The Vietnam aspect was pretty interesting, especially with Captain America, who could have easily been a brainless government drone (think Superman in The Dark Knight Returns) trying to convince Peter to join the war effort, but he actually has a thought-provoking conversation with Peter about whether they have a responsibility to fight in the war because of their powers. While Peter ultimately decides to stay out of it, Cap reluctantly joins, and we see in the final page that he’s gone rogue, leaving the story on a cliffhanger, as it doesn’t really explain what he’s done to make him seem like a traitor to the Americans.

Issue #2: The ‘70s

The second part jumps forward into the mid 1970′s, and opens with Peter guilt tripping himself over the death of Flash Thompson (who was shipped off to ‘Nam toward the end of the last issue) because he regrets not joining the war with him, and he thinks he could have prevented Flash’s death had he been there. A little later, he has a very similar moral debate to the one from the first issue with Reed Richards about the obligation of superheroes to enlist, but it’s not quite as interesting and just covers a lot of the same ground without being as heartfelt as Steve was. Speaking of Steve, that cliffhanger had me excited to see what happened next, only to be shown nothing about what he’s been up to in Vietnam. We get a throwaway line from Reed about Cap saving people on both sides, but I was really hoping to see something from his perspective in the war. I know it’s a Spider-Man story, but the first issue ends with us seeing Cap in Vietnam, completely separated from Peter’s POV.

But then, things get messy. First of all, and this is a pretty small complaint, I get giving Norman and Harry Osborn the waves in the first issue because it was how they were drawn then. But it just looks stupid and I wish they’d changed it for this one. So basically, wave check Norman tells wave check Harry about the Green Goblin, then tells him he has “one more secret”, but he must have told him two secrets, because by the introduction of Black Goblin, Harry knows Peter is Spider-Man (MJ was revealed to know earlier, but we don’t really see anything indicating that she told him) and that Doctor Warren has been working on...

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS?????? They literally Ben Reilly’d Gwen Stacy, making the one Peter has been living with a clone for an unknown amount of time while Dr. Warren presumably gets weird with the original (oh and original Gwen suddenly dies in a big explosion before we know she’s not the clone, which really weakens the moment). I guess it’s meant as a shocking reveal, but it’s just a confusing decision that appears to be made as an homage to the most infamous Spider-Man story ever told. I’m sure it was just done to get Gwen out of the way so Peter and MJ can get together, but it was just a weird mixture of The Death of Gwen Stacy and The Clone Saga in a way that doesn’t feel organic at all. Also, MJ and Peter are really spiteful toward each other in an earlier scene, so it’s weird to see them so quickly make amends right at the end.

The Problem With Life Story

It needs to be bigger than a 6 issue miniseries. I’m not asking it to go full Clone Saga and expand what was initially a pretty short story over multiple years, but I think having two issues for each decade (or at least a larger page count) would really do it justice. With the current format, it’s really limiting itself by trying to tell a decade of Peter’s life in 30 pages. It leads to a lot of off-page character developments, relationships, and even deaths that make me go “wait, what?” and pull me out of the story.

Besides that, Spider-Man has aged to this point (his 30s) in regular continuity. This series might have to reach the ‘90s (at least) before Spidey’s aging can really be used to provide an interesting new angle to the character. Telling a “What if he got old” story doesn’t do anything out of the ordinary if he doesn’t get old for at least half of it. That’s why Batman Beyond doesn’t spend the first half of the show telling you how Bruce changed with age across his entire lifetime (I’m not counting Batman: The Animated Series or any other part of the DCAU story because it wasn’t planned from the start to be a setup for Terry McGinnis to become the next Batman, plus there’s still a decades long time gap between the last episode of Justice League Unlimited and Batman Beyond’s first episode). They leap forward in time to Bruce’s later years, and while they have a ton of off screen character changes too, they work there because the story isn’t dedicated to a slow burning story about the entire lifespan of Bruce Wayne. We’ve been seeing the younger years of most superheroes all our lives, that’s what makes those “Old Man” stories intriguing.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man: Life Story also gives plenty of off-screen character development like Batman Beyond, but it doesn’t work because this series is supposed to be showing us what happens to everyone and how, not just “they already did x in while we told a different story and that led them to doing y now, which greatly affects our story”. It feels less like the story of Peter’s life and more like a highlight reel. It’s neat, but it lacks the context and buildup to make big events feel important.

I think I’ll keep picking up this series just for the hope of it getting better, but I can’t recommend it in its current state. Maybe once the trade paperback releases and you can actually read the whole thing together it’ll feel less annoying than waiting 3 months for the premise to actually go anywhere.

#spider-man #spider-man life story #the clone saga #marvel comics

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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The Protege is a Reminder of Just How Good Nikita Was

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This article contains minor spoilers for The Protégé and Nikita.

The TV landscape has always been ahead of movies when it comes to giving women—and other underrepresented identities—a shot. This is probably because there has traditionally been less money to be made on TV, so the rich, mostly white men who rule Hollywood have left TV to a slightly more diverse crowd of behind-the-scenes talent to tell slightly more diverse—especially on less “important” platforms like The CW.

Action flick The Protégé, released in theaters last weekend, tells this story too well. The film pairs Casino Royale director Martin Campbell with proven action hero Maggie Q, and it should be a shoe-in for a good time. Unfortunately, a terrible script results in a 109-minute reminder of just how good Q’s underrated action TV series Nikita truly was, and just how much kinder action TV has been to women than the world of action movies in the last decade.

The Protégé is Infuriatingly Bad

The Protégé is an exercise in casting several charismatic actors and seeing how many terrible tropes can be piled on top of them before the performers break under the clichés’ weight. The answer is a lot, because Maggie Q, Samuel L. Jackson, and Michael Keaton are goddamn professionals.

In The Protégé, Q stars as Anna, a Vietnamese assassin found by hitman Moody (Jackson) as a child and trained to join the found family business. Thirty years later, when Moody is killed by a mysterious Big Bad, Anna goes back to Vietnam to find his killer and becomes tied up in a convoluted conspiracy.

Yet despite a large chunk of this movie is both set and filmed in Vietnam, the film’s world is populated almost entirely by American characters, including a Da Nang-based biker gang headed by Robert Patrick and composed of other white men. Rather than delve into the rich texture of Da Nang, one of the Vietnam’s biggest cities, The Protégé uses the city as a backdrop to be coded with colonialist assumptions of danger and lawlessness. One need look no further for how the film feels about its setting than the following line delivered by Patrick’s Billy Boy: “Vietnam has always been a place of death. Only the lucky ones make it out alive.” It’s particularly disappointing for a film led by a Vietnamese American actor to fall down so hard in its Vietnamese representation.

Movies

Gunpowder Milkshake Continues Lena Headey’s Career of Badass Mothers

By Kayti Burt

Movies

Bond Director on What Modern Action Movies Get Wrong

By Don Kaye

While some viewers may celebrate the arrival of Keaton’s Rembrandt, a fixer for criminals situated as Anna’s equal on the bad guy’s team, that celebration would be premature. The film forces a Mr. and Mrs. Smith dynamic on the two that not only severely undercuts their believability as professional killers but also leads to the truly horrific line: “You point a gun at my pussy, and then you ask me to bed. I like your style.” (Q didn’t have to put up with this kind of shit in Nikita.)

The film doesn’t bother giving the characters a believable motivation for their dull flirtation, which traverses a 27-year age difference. Instead the movie seems confident in the infallibility of the all-too-common movie rule that posits a hot woman must be attracted to the movie’s white male lead and presumed audience surrogate. That this responsibility is forced on Q in what should be her film speaks to just how firmly these sexist tropes are entrenched in our film language. For those who need a point of comparison, look no further than the other (better) screen story that sees Q playing a badass assassin, out for revenge…

Nikita: One of TV’s Best Action Dramas

While The Protégé is a movie that is far worse than it should be, Nikita was a TV show that was always far better than it was given credit for. Based on the ’90s TV series La Femme Nikita (which was, in turn, based on the French film Nikita), the CW action drama ran from 2010 to 2013 and starred Q as an assassin gone rogue and looking to take down the shady government agency, known as Division, that trained her. With Jackie Chan-trained Q as its star, and in a pre-Arrow TV landscape, Nikita easily had some of the best fight scenes on TV. It also casually centered an Asian American star in a time when that was even less common than it is now.

While Nikita‘s action was fun and impressive to watch in its own right, that only gets you so far in action-driven storytelling. Any action series hoping to sustain itself must ground that action in character. Nikita did this in part by centering a relationship rather than a lone hero. Nikita shares protagonist duty with Alex (played by Agent Carter‘s Lyndsy Fonseca), a young woman recruited by Nikita to become a double agent within Division. While The Protégé ostensibly sets itself up around a core relationship—the one between Anna and mentor Moody—it rarely bothers to show us what the connection between these two actually looks like, or even how Moody’s death impacts Anna past her desire to kill whoever is responsible. This is especially a shame as, in the few scenes that let Q and Jackson breathe, there’s some great chemistry between the two actors.

While The Protégé barely bothers with its most important relationships, Nikita directly explored just how messy spycraft can get when personal relationships and past trauma is involved. There’s a tendency in female-fronted action stories to give the Smurfette woman assassin the same stoic, invincible demeanor as the stereotypical Male Action Hero, seemingly along the principle: anything you can do, I can do better. And I get it, I do. But, for my money, the best female-fronted action flicks (and male-fronted action flicks, for that matter) are the ones that allow their protagonists to be affected by the violence they are enacting and that is being enacted upon them.

For a cinematic equivalent, one need look no further than Campbell’s own masterful Casino Royale, which effectively contextualizes James Bond’s action with the character’s obvious trauma without losing the fun of the franchise. As Nikita progresses, especially in its first season, we see Nikita torn between her goal to take down Division and her responsibility to Alex. It makes for riveting stuff, and that’s without taking into account the rest of the tangled interpersonal web that makes up Division.

Action only matters if it has stakes, and those stakes must be grounded in character at some level. If a protagonist is largely unaffected by the action they are a part of, then so are we as viewers. If a story doesn’t do the work to demonstrate what an action hero cares about then there are no stakes to them achieving it or not. In Nikita, we care about the outcome of the fight scenes because we care about the characters—often, on both sides of the fight. We care about Nikita and Alex’s goal to take down Division because we see how much harm it is has done to both of their characters, and to the world at large. But we also care about their wellbeing, and the wellbeing of their relationship, which complicates how every single fight scene plays out. The same cannot be said for The Protégé, which never sells us on any of its characters, let alone their relationships to one another.

Movies

Gunpowder Milkshake: Karen Gillan on Her Surprise Action Star Career

By Kayti Burt

Books

Divergent: Interview With Maggie Q

By Don Kaye

It makes sense that Nikita would be better at telling a new, interested action-driven spy story than The Protégé. The CW series may have had far fewer resources than a Hollywood movie, but it also had something The Protégé never bothered to invest in: diverse behind-the-scenes creative talent. While Nikita was showrun by Craig Silverstein (who would go on to create another underrated TV show in Turn: Washington’s Spies), its writing team also included women and/or people of color like Amanda Segal, Kalinda Vazquez, Kristen Reidel, and Albert Kim, who will be showrunning Netflix’s live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender series.

While it’s of course possible for writers to imagine complex interiority for characters whose identities are different from their own experiences, that’s not often how it shakes out in Hollywood, which is still largely run by white men from financially privileged backgrounds. When TV shows and movies hire people who fall outside that very narrow demographic (and those people are supported in their storytelling), fresh stories tend to happen organically by virtue of the greater diversity in perspective and lived experience at the storytelling team’s disposal.

Filmmakers have built a genre on action movies featuring male leads who punch their way out of problems, but the best action movies have always been the ones that give those problems emotional stakes. While trope-y action films centering unaffected white man are a story failure, trope-y action films centering unaffected woman of color can be an even greater missed opportunity.

It’s past time to start reimagining feminist storytelling as something other than slotting women of color into tired tropes built by and for white male protagonists. Maggie Q is one of the best action heroes of her generation and, especially post-Nikita, it’s a shame that she hasn’t had more opportunities to demonstrate that.

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castingdirect · 3 years

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IMMORAL PROFITS: Why Are Big Corporations Still Allowed To Profit From Rape Videos?

This article isn't about ethical pornography, it's about rape and sexual abuse and big corporations that are allowed to profit from human misery A Canadian student says: 'I've not problem with consensual adults making porn. Who cares?' but the problem is that many people in pornographic videos, especially those on user submitted content generated video tubesites. Just after she turned 14, a man had enticed Jane* to engage in sexual play over Skype, and he recorded her, and posted a clip, along with her full name, on XVideos, one of the worlds most-visited pornography tubesites. Google searches helped direct people to this illegal footage of child sexual abuse. Jane had recounted how she begged XVideos to remove the clip, but instead, said the website hosted two more copies, so hundreds of thousands of people could leer at this most mortifying moment of her life, preserved forever as if set in amber. That happens all over the world: Women and girls, men and boys, are sexually assaulted or secretly filmed, and then a video is posted on major websites like XVideos that draws traffic through search engines, while the initial video assault may be brief, the attack on dignity becomes indeterminable. 'The shame I felt was embarrassing,' Jane had said. Mr Kristof wrote in December about Pornhub, a Montreal-based website that pioneered access to free porn uploaded by anyone - so called tubesites that are like YouTube but orientated to the adult market and selling nudity and sex. Since the article was written and published, credit card companies have stopped working with the tubesite, and the site has removed more than nine million videos in response, with the Canadian and US Governments cracking down on the company's practices. However this isn't isolated to one company. It was noted at the time, that exploitation is rooted not in a single company, but in an industry that operates with some impunity and punishing one corporation may simply benefit it's rivals, after all, remove a brick, it makes a building unstable, knock enough bricks, the wall comes tumbling down. That's what is happening here because when Pornhub deleted videos, millions of outraged customers flooded to it's nemesis, XVideos, which has even fewer scruples. A veteran European Pornographer called Pierre Woodman, said that while Pornhub has been damaged financially, XVideos see Mr Kristof as a 'Santa Claus In Newsprint'. That's not a comfortable feeling and it doesn't sit right, and we need to knock more bricks out of the wall, rein in the entire rogue industry, and for now, the behemoth that is XVideos, bolstered by Google, and other search engines. 'We are the biggest adult tube in the industry, with an average of two billion daily impressions worldwide,' boats XVideos, which SimilarWeb ranks as the seventh-most-visited website in the World. Two slots behind is a sister website with almost exactly the same content, XNXX.com, and each get more visitors than Yahoo, Amazon or Netflix. XVideos and XNXX appear to be owned by mysterious French Twins and based in a nondescript office building in Prague not far from Wenceslas Square. This building is the hub of a porn empire that gets six billion impressions a day and inflicts anguish all over the world, and raises an important question - Why do they get away with this? Heather Legarde, a young woman in Alberta, felt the world crashing down on her last August, when she had discovered that her ex-husband had posted intimate videos of her online, and she said that people around the world were gazing at her naked body. 'I'm all over the internet,' she said sadly; 'Not what I wanted to be famous for.' What's worse, in one video her former husband sexually assaulted her as she lay unconscious on the bed, which Legarde had no recollection of the assault and no idea how the video was made, apart from a clue in the tag: 'Sleeping Pills.' Some 200,000 people had watched her being assaulted while she was drugged and unconscious, so on that day in August, mortified and dizzied by the betrayal, Legarde prepared to tie a noose. 'I was standing in my garage under a beam, holding a rope,' she recalled. But finally, she changed her mind: 'I said to myself, "If this is your solution, he'll do this to someone else tomorrow".' So Legarde resolved to own her story and fight back: 'So it doesn't have to happen to other girls.' That's why she agreed to be quoted by name in the Times column, but her path through the life is now paved with daily humiliations, she regularly finds herself searching for her naked videos and begs websites, sometimes successfully, to remove the ones she finds. 'How do you get your head around 200,000 guys masturbating as you're being assaulted?' she mused. A great majority of videos on XVideos and other tubesites are not of children or of unconscious women, most of the bodies are writing by choice. But it's easy to find videos where the posting or the activity wasn't consensual. A major study published by the British Journal of Criminology this year found that one in eight videos on three major tubesites - XVideos, Pornhub and XHamster - depicted sexual violence or nonconsensual conduct. Some show intoxicated or unconscious women or girls being raped, while others are from spy cams in locker rooms or breach changing rooms and show unsuspecting women or girls, (and, less often, men and boys), undressing or showering. Racist epithets and humiliation are on display; as are misogynistic videos of supposed feminists being degraded and tortured, and many of the videos depict rapists, real or fake, forcing sex on children or adults who are trying to fight back. One on XVideos was captioned with a girl's protest: 'This is not right, Daddy, stop, please.' XVideos guides viewers to videos that purport to show children: Search for 'young,' and it helpfully suggests also searching for 'tiny,' 'girl,' 'boy,' 'juvencita,' and 'youth porn.' Many of those on the screen will be young-looking adults, but some will be minors whose lives have been badly damaged. 'I think about suicide,' a Thai girl called Jenny* said, and she explained that when she was in eighth grade, a man reached out to her on Facebook and suggested that she could make money form modelling, and he advised her to send videos of herself, including naked videos to give a sense of her body; these would be kept strictly confidential, she was assured. Jenny sent him the videos, but she was never paid as promised, and said she forgot about the whole episode - until a friend had alerted her that her naked videos were on XVideos, Pornhub and at least one other site. 'I just wanted to die,' Jenny said: 'I didn't want my parents to know.' Jenny is smart and well educated, and is a beautiful singer, and she had hoped to become a music star in Thailand: 'I don't think that's possible now,' she stated: 'My dreams are going to end because I have naked pictures on the internet.' The Hug Project, a nonprofit in Thailand that works with trafficking victims, got XVideos to remove Jenny's videos, but Jenny quit school because she couldn't handle the humiliation and every day she gets messages from strange men, sometimes with photos of their genitals. Jenny is furious with herself for sending the videos: 'I had the potential to do something great, but now I can't,' she said. She agreed to be quoted, despite her shame, because she wanted other kids to understand that in the internet age, some mistakes are forever. The abusers aren't limited to obscure pornographic websites either. Twitter, Facebook, Reddit and other sites are all sprinkled with child sexual abuse imagery. One woman, Adrianna*, from Illinois, had been trafficked, and her pimp had posted naked video clips of her that had been sitting on Twitter for six years; she said Twitter had ignored her pleas to remove them. When asked to have them removed after the fact by a prominent Times writer though, and they were removed within hours. Not everyone has the opportunity to rely on Newspaper columnists to aid them though in order to get nonconsensual nudity removed, and it's not a scalable solution either. Meanwhile a web search of Adrianna were still on XVideos, despite her efforts to have them removed, and they had collectively been viewed more than 100,000 times. 'The trafficking was one thing,' Adrianna had said: 'But I feel I'm being exploited all over again.' Google is a pillar of the sleazy ecosystem, for roughly half the traffic reaching XVideos and XNXX appears to come from Google searches: 'The porn tube sites are obsessed with their Google rankings because Google is their lifeline,' said Laila Mickelwait, the president of the Justice Defense Fund, which fights against online sexual exploitation. 'Google is the primary means by which they drive traffic to their sites.' A recent search with the words 'rape unconscious girl' using Google's video tab directed people to scores of videos celebrating just that, including one in which a woman first appears to be strangled to death (presumably acting) and then her 'corpse' was violated. A google search subsequently done for 'Schoolgirl Sex' turned up video results of teenagers having sex of all kinds (on a bus, with a 'stepbrother,' etc.) on XVideos and XNXX, with most of the people in the videos possibly over 18, but no way to be verifiably sure. The Times reached out to Google to help them understand its reasons for complicity with companies that monetize from child sexual abuse, but there were no satisfactory responses. Google has it's limits though, and when the Times reporter tried to search 'How do I poison my husband,' the results were literacy or humorous, not how-to instructions. The top responses to 'How Do I Commit Suicide' were for a suicide hotline. So Goole can demonstrate responsibility, it can demonstrate and remove toxic moral materials, so why not rape videos? XVideos and XNXX appear to be owned by the twins Stéphane and Malorie Deborah Pacaud (sometimes rendered as Deborah Malorie Pacaud). The Pacauds, 42, avoid the media and didn't respond to any inquiries, but others in the industry said that Stéphane Pacaud began the business in about 2001 by copying images from pornographic magazines and putting them on a simple website that became XNXX. Fabian Thylmann, who helped build what became the Pornhub empire before selling it, described Stéphane Pacaud as a loaner who devoted himself to his websites and other solitary pursuits. 'Even when in Vegas for conventions, he was often just in his hotel room working,' Thylmann said in 2012, and when he offered to buy XVideos for $120 million, but Pacaud cut off the discussion and said he had to get back to playing a video game. 'I'm too busy,' Pacaud had said, as Thylmann remembers the conversation: 'I've no time to discuss this now. I'm playing Diablo II.' The Pacauds' empire became WGCZ Holdings, a company that appears to have been recently renamed to WebGroup Czech Republic. It controls at least 60 companies worldwide, including some in the United States. Many of us were inspired by Czechoslovakia's Velvet Revolution in 1989: Is it too much to ask that the heirs of that revolution not inflict rape videos on the World? The Czech police and prosecutors say that they are investigating XVideos and tis affiliated sites, and the Czech press is publishing exposés about WebGroup's practices. Under pressure, XVideos has removed some paedophile search terms over the past few months, but the clean-up doesn't go that far, with a search for 'twelve' on XVideos suggesting 'related searches' of 'training bra,' '7th grader,' and 'elementary,' according to the Times. So what can be done and how can it be done, how long will it take, and will it be effective? A starting point is going to be to recognize that the issue is not pornography or the pornography industry at all. The issue is about child exploitation, and how we can be sex positive, and exploitation negative. It's a fair objection that cracking down on illegal pornography is sometimes a game of whack-a-mike, but while oversight won't eliminate problems of the internet, it can vastly help reduce them. Copyright protection is a priority for U.S. Government, so mainstream porn companies mostly have learned not to steal content; when they do, they get sued and lose. If the United States and other Group of 7 Countries cared as much about abused children as about video piracy, maybe it can make XVideos equally vigilant about rape videos. While there are no simple solutions, there are three steps that could help. First, PayPal and Credit Card Companies should stop working with ALL companies that promote illegal videos and not just single out Pornhub. PayPal in particular props up XVideos because it used to pay for ads, Mastercard took the important step of announcing that porn websites can only carry on accepting payments if they verify age and consent of each person in sex videos; other card companies could follow suit, and should follow suit. Second, search engines should stop leading people to rape videos and stop directing people from the likes of Google, Bing and Yahoo to websites with a long record of distributing them. Third, we should create accountability in criminal and civil law, for that's the best way to incentivize companies to clean up their act. In March a girl who was trafficked at 14 and forced to appear in sexual videos filed a lawsuit against XVideos, but such a suit faces difficulties under Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. Bipartisan legislation before the House and the Senate would make these suits easier to pursue, which could be a gamechanger by harnessing capitalism to induce better corporate behaviour. 'There's always some enterprising lawyer waiting to pounce,' said Marc Randazza, a lawyer who has represented XVideos and also victims of nonconsensual porn: 'If you put civil remedies in, you would have a platoon of lawyers fighting to help you if you were a victim of nonconsensual porn.' Facing this privatized accountability, companies like XVideos would themselves rush to remove nonconsensual imagery, and we would have aligned the interests of porn king pins and their 14-year-old victims. Some worry that a crackdown would financially harm sex workers who sell videos of themselves, but these three steps would not kill that porn industry, or the porn industry in general. People in the adult content industry say that companies like XVideos have a perfectly good business model with just consensual adult content. Without accountability, corporations are tempted to avert their eyes, the most exploitative companies profit the most, and this creates a race to the bottom. The cost is borne by the unsuspecting children and adults who often didn't know their content is there in the first place. A 16-year-old girl in Perth, Australia, a good student and popular in school, took a naked photo of herself while standing in front of a bathroom mirror, and she sent it via Snapchat, so that it would automatically disappear in seconds, to her 17-year-old boyfriend, with the words: 'I love you. I trust you.' The boyfriend took a screenshot before it disappeared and shared it with five of his friends who in turn shared it with 47 of their friends, and within a few days, more than 200 people in the school had a copy. Someone uploaded it to a porn site and named the girl and her school; over three months, and with the help of online searches directing people to the site, the photo was downloaded 7,000 times. The family moved to a different city, but students there found the image as well, so the family fled to a different state in Australia. Paul Litherland, a former Australian police officer who worked on the case, said that the photo was posted on porn websites all over the world, and she felt she could never escape. She refused to attend school, and she self-medicated with drugs. Then at the age of 21, she took her own life. These are the stakes in which people are gambling with every day. There is more than financial and monetary gain at stake - lives are at stake! *Names changed to protect identities of victims. Read the full article

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superherotigerarchives · 6 years

Text

My Last Jedi review...

Now it’s finally time to talk about my opinions on The Last Jedi!

The short answer is: I enjoyed the movie for the most part, and I appreciate that it was able to subvert expectations and take a different route than normal.

Now for the long answer, one most of you probably won’t stick around for :P

(P.S Forgive me if I mention things out of order. My memory isn’t always the best!)

For a little background, I went to see the Last Jedi at the midnight screening with my cousin and 15 of his friends. I was dressed as Rey, keeping with the tradition of cosplay at midnight screenings as I had for the past two years at both TFA and Rogue One. I’m telling you this because every time I see a new Star Wars movie, I have the most amazing, awe-stuck experience, and hence, my opinion will be biased and faults that others may realise can be glazed over by myself as I had such fond memories of these movies. So no, my opinion is not perfect, but to me if I enjoyed a movie while watching it that’s all that really matters.

Now to the review!

Starting off, I really enjoyed the first space battle, and I felt it was a great way to start off the movie. I was a little jolted out of the Star Wars universe at first due to the different camera techniques that are not often seen in these movies, but I like that they’re branching out into more cinematic shots and willing to explore their techniques more. Seeing Carrie Fisher and her daughter on the big screen did make my heart throb for a moment, and I still love Leia as much as ever, especially the dynamic between Poe and herself. They were very much a mother-son dynamic, and I still love Leia’s snappy little “You’re demoted” with an equally sassy slap!

I enjoyed where they went with Hux. He wasn’t fleshed out, but he was able to be a comic relief in my opinion, one you often didn’t expect. Some people may not like this, but when both screenings I attended to laughed at the first scene between Hux and Poe, I know I’m not the only one that enjoyed the humour. I thought it landed well, and because of my twisted sense of humour I quite enjoyed Hux becoming the ragdoll to the powerful force users. Just a little light-hearted fun in my opinion.

So basically, the first space battle was great, and I think it was a strong start to a strong movie.

Now, I’ll move onto the Rey plot as Finn’s one wasn’t really explored much until after Rey’s started. Everyone expected this massive moment when Luke got his lightsabre, something huge, something spectacular! And to be honest, I really liked that he metaphorically and literally threw those expectations away. So often the passionate fans of Star Wars lose sight of the fact that we, the audience, do not have control. And we shouldn’t do! How boring would a movie be if it always went the way we wanted?

To the fans that lightsabre is important, something passed down through the Skywalker legacy. But to Luke, it’s a memory of that traumatising day when he lost a limb, almost fell to his death, lost his friend to a bounty hunter, and most importantly, found out his father was one of the most evil figures in the galaxy! To be honest, I wouldn’t want to hold on to something like that either! There must be so much bad energy surrounding that sword, and that’s not even mentioning all those younglings that were slaughtered to the blade.

So yes, I do think it was appropriate for Luke not to care about the sabre. I wasn’t expecting him to do it in such a drama queen fashion, but we’re talking about the Skywalkers here! When have they ever done something not over the top?

Now, I’m going to mention something really quickly, because I’m going to write its own post for this topic.

How the KRIFF is hyperspace tracking a new technology?! Everyone’s acting like it’s the most original idea they’ve ever heard, and people are mentioning that Rogue One hinted to it, but I’m like “Hey, how about that episode of Rebels where THEY WERE LITERALLY TRACKED THROUGH HYPERSPACE WITH A TRACKER?!?!?!” Is it just me, or did this just feel really off? I mean, if the Empire had already at least started that kind of technology, surely the First Order with all their fancy equipment would have that right? And how did the Rebels not know about it? Was the Ghost crew just all chill after that death defying attack and like “We won’t let the other cells know they can literally be tracked through hyperspace by the Empire and destroyed within seconds.” But that’s just me, a Rebels nut that tries to connect Rebels to anything imaginable.

Now that my little rant is over, we’ll move on.

After finding out the ship is being tracked through hyperspace, Finn tries to leave so that Rey won’t accidentally stumble into the battle and get destroyed in the process. Now, I REALLY love this scene between Rose and Finn. It’s great chemistry, and the part where Rose goes “I’ve had to taser 3 other people today trying to escape in this very pod!” and Finn’s all like “That’s disgraceful” *Desperately trying to shove his escape pack out of view*

Anyways, love it, it’s great.

One thing that confuses me is how Finn knows the layout of every First Order ship when he was just… a janitor? Like I get it, funny joke and all but how would the guy that presumably had only worked on Star Killer Base know the layout to Snoke’s ship? And how would Rose, who is supposed to be just an average resistance fighter who’s always in the background, know how to disable something like that? They obviously didn’t even know this technology existed, so how did they know all that information about the tracker and how to disable it? I imagine a hyperspace tracker would work differently to a normal respect in some way or another. But that’s just me.

Now, Kylo Ren in this entire movie was AMAZING! Adam Driver played him so well, I’ve never seen someone be able to express such conflict in merely facial expressions alone! Especially the scene where he’s in the elevator and his eye is twitching, and you can tell he can’t handle the literal roast Snoke just gave him and smashes his helmet to the wall. I love it so much, and just Kylo Ren/Ben Solo was portrayed so well in this movie! And yes, I am one of those people who believe Kylo Ren will get redeemed. Not in the sense that he will come to the light, but in the sense that he and Rey and will balance the force together. I’ll get more into that later.

Okay, now I’ll get to the part that really tripped me out. You all have to admit, that scene with Leia flying through space was pretty strange right? Now, it’s not impossible for a character to survive space. Actually, Kanan Jarrus survived being ejected into space twice, and he still lives at the time I’m writing this. But in those cases Kanan was either A) Saved by someone else as he was unconscious or B) Had things to cling on to and propel himself off long enough to get back into an oxygenated area. Leia on the other hand really surprised me, and not entirely in the best way. She just suddenly… willed her way into the ship? It looked very out of place, especially in a Star Wars movie.

The best way you could fix this while still keeping the theme is to have the TIE’s blow up the command room, but not let their bodies get like… flung so far out? If you kept their bodies floating within the area of the now broken and exposed command room, you could have Leia use the debris to get to the door and then save her. I don’t know, I just feel like that would have been a bit more believable. The force is strong and all but I don’t know if it can go that far.

Anyways, briefly mentioning Holdo, I wasn’t sure how to feel about this character at first. She was giving off a really shifty vibe so naturally I thought she was a spy or at the very least was trying to sabotage their escape, but turns out she was in the right. That’s great and all but it still doesn’t explain why she didn’t tell anyone this plan of hers? Like, if she had just told Poe from the start, he wouldn’t have immediately jumped onto Finn and Rose’s risky plan. Little bit of a plot hole but I can glaze over it.

So, this is getting super long and I’m going to go analyse each plot thread separately now:

The Finn and Rose plot:

Though I think the relationship sort of jumped out of nowhere, I did enjoy their dynamic, and I would like to see them get to spend more time with each other. The casino did feel a little dull on the Star Wars scale, but things like the water ship that became airborne when it left the water was awesome, and I like those animals that they eventually ride on. For those of you who’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know I threw out the suggestion that DJ was Ezra, and at the time that seemed fitting as I was hellbent to get Rebels in there somewhere! But I’m pleased to say that I enjoy DJ as his own separate character. He’s quirky, and just really laid back and relaxed. I really enjoyed that, and not ever really knowing who’s side he was on was great. Like, you think he might be untrustworthy after asking for payment, then he gives Rose back her necklace, and then he ends up betraying them again when his life is put at risk. I love his character, and the little things like BB8 and him discussing who owned the ship was great.

Finn: This isn’t your ship, is it?

BB8: *Beeps*

DJ: *Laughs* He said I stole it. *Glances at BB8* We stole it together.

It’s just bits like these that are the icing on the cake.

I know people are saying this plot was unnecessary and all, but I really enjoyed it and I think if they had taken this plot out and only focused on Rey and Luke, it would have lost of a lot of it’s impact. The Rey and Luke scenes are great because they’re scarce, just like how Luke and Rey don’t actually interact that much. What would we even see? Rey practising stuff while Luke silently tries to figure out his own stuff? I think people forget that sometimes less is more, and I think it applies well to the Luke and Rey plot. I enjoyed the Canto Bite plot, and it was an interesting way to show how those outside of the Resistance and First Order stand in terms of the war.

Okay now to the Poe plot:

This was an interesting one. There wasn’t huge amounts of it from memory, but when it did show up it always made me think. After all, we saw this plot from Poe’s perspective. We love Poe, and even though we all know he can be reckless, everyone knows he has the best intentions and roots for him. We follow him as he tries to help Finn and Rose the best he can, while locking horns with Holdo, a character we don’t know very much about. That puts us in a position where we stand on Poe’s side because we trust him as a person more than Holdo, and it ultimately could have ended in all their deaths. It’s pretty interesting when you think about it…

Now to the meat of the story! The Rey/Luke and Rey/Kylo plots:

Luke and Rey have an interesting dynamic. You can tell there’s a part of Luke who’s curious who Rey is, and naturally wants to help her in some respect. But he’s held back by the fear of failure. That he will lose Rey the same way he lost Ben. So he pushes her away to protect her from himself, only to push her straight into the one who was pulling her to the dark. It’s such a brilliant dynamic, and I think that’s what’s so brilliant about the Yoda scene. My favourite line is “The greatest teacher, failure is…” because it’s so true! You learn so much more from your mistakes then you ever could from constantly being correct. Luke made a mistake with Ben, and he lost him. Now he could choose to wallow in that mistake, or use it to use advantage and learn how to stop it from happening next time. It’s a really good message, one I think should be encourage more often. It’s alright to do something wrong, it’s alright if you make a mistake. We shouldn’t be punishing kids for low grades, and instead encouraging them to learn and grow from these experiences.

The Rey and Kylo dynamic is even more interesting! I definitely found it the most interesting part of the movie by far. Basically, Kylo and Rey become connected through the force and are able to see each other and converse across the galaxy. I love how we see their dynamic go from ‘Immediately shoots at and fight of where Luke is again’ to,

“I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life…”

“You’re not alone…”

“Neither are you…”

AHHH! It was done so well. There’s definitely something awesome about these two characters getting to learn from each other. Rey can sympathise with Ben’s feeling of abandonment, and Kylo and sympathise with Rey’s feelings of loneliness. They are two sides of the same coin, and they compliment each other so well. I think it’s important to note that Rey cares about Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. And even though Kylo Ren is saying to do whatever it takes to rule, Ben Solo is yearning for the compassion that Rey gives him.

Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are two different people. It’s not uncommon in the Star Wars universe to identify themselves as two different people. Darth Vader was considered different to Anakin Skywalker. Caleb Dume was not the same as Kanan Jarrus. And if you go a bit deeper characters like Count Vidian was different to his old former life before he decomposed due to disease.

It’s an interesting concept, but Rey and Ben work so well together, as seen by that AMAZING throne room fight scene! Seriously, best fight scene in Star Wars to date! It really displays each of their powers really well, and shows how much stronger the light and the dark are together than apart. Speaking of which, the idea of balance is pointed to heavily in this movie. When Rey is meditating, she says things along the lines of “Warmth, cold. Life, death. Peacefulness, chaos. Life, death. And in the middle, a force…” The force is the balance, and they’re using the concept of yin and yang in that one cannot exist without the other, and both are needed to be complete.

Rey is the light, and Kylo is the dark, as shown by Snoke’s quote of: “Darkness rises, and the light to meet it,” and also while speaking to Rey “I warned my young pupil that as he grew stronger, his counter in the light would grow too.” (Or something along those lines.)

I really like where this is going, and even though Kylo wasn’t redeemed in this movie, I do believe he and Rey will work together to start a new Order of Grey Jedi by episode 9. I’ll probably get more in depth about this stuff in another post, but I just thought I’d get that stuff off my mind.

And also, for those upset that Snoke was useless, let me tell you this. Snoke is just a stepping stone to exhibit Kylo’s power. No where was it explained that Snoke would be something bigger. That was just an assumption fans had imposed onto the character. Same with Rey’s parentage. No where did it indicate she was part of the Skywalker legacy, that was just something that was assumed because the saga is about the Skywalkers (even though Kylo is there as the Skywalker but that’s an argument for a whole other day). Basically, the Last Jedi reversed the expectations by making Rey a nobody (thank the force for that), and making Snoke just a tool for Kylo’s rise to power. And it does NOT make it a bad movie for doing that.

In my opinion, I think people had something they carefully theorised on for two whole years, a movie of their own, and were disappointed when they got something different. It’s alright to want to think things out guys, and I’m glad so many people are so passionate about something that they think out their own plan of events. Heck, even I’m guilty of it. But when you let those expectations grow so large that it’s impossible to please, the only person you are hindering is yourself.

Anyways, this post is so long, so I’m going to make a list of things I like and things I didn’t like about the movie to sum it up:

Dislikes:

-Leia floating through space like a wizard

-Luke milking a creature on screen, like wtf?

-Initial shot of Yoda when he appears. (Once the tree is burning and he takes on more of his original puppet behaviour than CGI it’s much better.)

-Finn knowing the layout of all First Order ships even though he’s just a janitor

-Hyperspace tracking being a new technology

-Rose somehow able to disable a technology that is supposedly new and never heard of.

Likes:

-“Well when you see Hux let him know Leia has a very important message… from his mother.”

-“I believe he’s tooling with you sir.”

-BB8 plugging the wires with his kriffing head

-Awesome yet sad sacrifice of Rose’s sister

-Carrie Fisher’s daughter on screen

-CARRIE ON SCREEN!

-Consequences to risky actions

-Big deal, Big Deal, BIG DEAL!

-“Finn, leaking, naked, what?”

-Luke throwing the lightsabre like a drama queen

-Chewie breaking down the door like hulk

-Rey literally reaching out her hand

-Luke using a freaking blade of grass to mess with Rey.

-“I feel something!” “Yeah? That’s the force!” “Oh my gosh I feel it!” “You’re really strong with it!” “Really?! I-“ *smacks her with said grass*

-PORGS!

-R2D2 and Luke reunion!

-“Hey holy grounds buddy, watch the language.”

-Force bond

-Rey, the whole way through

-Ben Solo, the whole way through

-Luke Skywalker, the whole way through

-Finn, the whole way through

-DJ and BB8, holy damn they’re like partners in crime

-Yoda sending a flipping lightning bolt cause Luke can’t finish the job

-“Page turners, they were not.”

-“The greatest teacher, failure is.”

-Hux being a kriffing ragdoll

-Crystal foxes!

-Throne room fight scene

-“Bring it on Chrome Dome!”

-“You were always scum…” “Rebel Scum?” *Mic drop*

-Holdo’s sacrifice

-Crait. Just the entire salty, little planet

-Luke and Leia reunion

-Luke brushing off his shoulder like the drama queen he is-

-Realising no footprints were left in any of the Luke battle scenes on Crait

-Rey lifting all those stones like a boss

-Rey and Finn reunion!

Basically, I love the movie, and you’re allowed to agree or disagree about it. That’s the brilliant part about opinions. We’re all allowed to have one, and no one should be disrespected over it. I doubt many of you made it through my analysis, and I’ll probably go into certain points in more detail in the future, but thanks anyways. Hope you have a great day, and may the force be with you always!

-Superherotiger

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jasonfry · 7 years

Photo

“Duty Roster” is my contribution to the unbelievably fun Del Rey anthology Star Wars: From a Certain Point of View. (Please go here to read more about the project and First Book, the charity it benefits.) As promised, here are some notes about the story and a discussion of its construction.

(SPOILERS MOST DEFINITELY AHEAD! SERIOUSLY! STOP!)

“Duty Roster” was my Plan B for From a Certain Point of View -- the scene I asked to do was taken. Happily, the consolation prize was pretty good: in the same email I’d also proposed a story I wanted to tell nearly as badly, which I described as “Wedge with the other pilots.”

But I had a twist in mind: my POV character wouldn’t be Wedge, but Fake Wedge.

If you’re not a massive Star Wars dork like I am, this will require a little explanation.

That’s Wedge Antilles sitting next to Luke in the Yavin 4 briefing room as General Dodonna tells the rather skeptical pilots the plan for attacking the Death Star. Wedge says hitting a two-meter exhaust port is impossible, even for a computer; Luke, apparently hell-bent on coming across as a yokel who says nonsensical things, replies that he used to bulls-eye womp rats, which aren’t much bigger than two meters.

Here’s the funny thing: the actor in that scene isn’t Denis Lawson, who plays Wedge in the cockpit scenes in A New Hope, as well as in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. They sound the same, but they sure don’t look the same.

That’s because they aren't the same. Wedge is played by two different people in A New Hope. In fan circles, briefing-room Wedge became known as “Fake Wedge,” and arguments about the identity of the actor who’d played him went on for years -- until Lucasfilm’s Pablo Hidalgo dug into production reports and Web images and proved that briefing-room Wedge was an English actor named Colin Higgins.

Why the switch? By Higgins’ own admission, he kept flubbing the line and got fired. Happily, Hidalgo’s discovery led to Higgins joining the Star Wars convention circuit and getting some love and recognition from fans before his death in 2012.

So why does Wedge sound "right” in the briefing-room scene? Because all of his lines in the original trilogy were dubbed by a third actor, David Ankrum. If you were miffed by reports that Lawson had no interest in a Force Awakens cameo, perhaps you have more sympathy for him now. Also: you should stream the 1983 movie Local Hero. Lawson has a starring role, he delivers his own lines, and he’s wonderful.

Anyway, Fake Wedge became a part of Star Wars lore, with his different appearance just one of those movie moments in which you had to suspend disbelief.

For FACPOV, I figured we could have a little fun with that. Hence my proposal: I wanted to do a pilot story about Wedge, except I’d be writing about Fake Wedge, who wasn’t Wedge at all. He was another pilot who was frequently mistaken for Wedge, and hoo boy was he tired of it.

I thought that was pretty funny. My editor thought it was pretty funny. The folks at Lucasfilm, presumably, thought it was pretty funny.

I was pleased with myself (and tweeted out a picture of a Wedge figure standing next to Aunt Beru and her blue-milk pitcher), at least until I realized something I hadn’t thought through earlier.

Fake Wedge not being the same as Wedge was a gag. It was a pretty good gag, but a pretty good gag is still just a gag. It would take about 500 words or so for me to tell that joke. What would I do after that?

That’s where I realized I’d actually signed up for something pretty challenging, and got a little worried.

“Duty Roster” wouldn’t work if it was just a Fake Wedge gag. It had to pivot from that and become something else -- a story that captured the terror of the Yavin 4 battle from the perspective of those left behind and saluted the heroism of the pilots who’d fought in it. The reader had to start off identifying with Fake Wedge, but wind up appreciating and admiring Real Wedge. And Fake Wedge had to make that same journey.

I realized that was a tough landing to stick, and 2,500 words (or however long “Duty Roster” turned out to be) wasn’t a lot of time in which to stick it. Well, there was no way to solve it except to get to work.

Before we go any further: Is “Duty Roster” canon? Beats me. I wrote it as if it were, working carefully on Red Squadron’s assignments and making sure the scenes in Massassi Base matched the movie. But that's just good practice. I suspect The Powers That Be would rule that it isn’t -- they’d say Wedge is Wedge, long pointy nose or not. Which is just fine with me -- and, for the record, would be my ruling too. My only concern was telling a good story.

Job One was giving Fake Wedge a name. “Col” was easy -- that rather obviously honors Higgins. “Takbright” came after a couple of false starts, and was a portmanteau of two TV roles from his long career.

From there, I told the joke, which I will now ruin by explaining.

We see Col first, raging about the nickname he hates -- a nickname that I had to avoid specifying for as long as possible to make the joke work. A Mon Calamari tech, Kelemah, thinks Col and the person he’s confused with look alike -- but then all humans do to him. (Setup, plus mild social commentary.) Kelemah then notes that Col and his doppelganger sound exactly alike. (More setup, Ankrum tip of the cap, the most astute readers now realize what I’ve done.) A veteran pilot, Puck Naeco, almost says the forbidden nickname, but falls back to asking what, exactly, “the kid” said to make Col so mad. (Bit of misdirection, more setup.) Col recounts the two-meter objection we know as Wedge’s line. (Some readers now get it, which is a reward but means I’ve got to hurry to the punchline while they’re still smiling.) Biggs enters with other pilots, including Wedge. (Pieces moving into place.) One of those pilots, Elyhek Rue, mistakes Col for Wedge. (Board now set.) Laughter, and Puck explains that’s why Col is and will always be known as Fake Wedge. (Punchline, and scene.)

See what I mean? We’re less than two pages in and the joke has been told. Which is why I also used the gag to introduce the most important characters for the more serious story “Duty Roster” would have to become.

To pivot effectively, I couldn’t tell the joke and then take time to introduce a bunch of new characters to the reader. So we’ve got pilots and techs doing double duty for the gag and the serious story. There’s Puck, who’s Col’s mentor. Kelemah, whose technical knowledge will be critical later. Rue, who will be with us throughout. And of course Wedge himself. That’s a variant of a basic lesson: storytelling is most effective when scenes and/or characters are advancing the story on multiple fronts.

With the gag behind me, I had to establish Col as a sympathetic yet flawed character. And so I dived into that, setting up Col and Wedge as opposites in temperament and attitude. Col is dedicated to the rebel cause but thinks his anger reflects well on him; he’s too self-absorbed to realize it’s what’s holding him back. He sees Wedge as too quiet and reserved, perhaps even insufficiently devoted to the cause -- which is both unfair and untrue, and says nothing about Wedge but everything about Col’s immaturity and jealousy.

The pilots get their assignments, which is where Col’s dreams turn to dust. I had to engineer it so Luke’s flight of three is the last one filled out with pilots, and the final spot seemingly comes down to Wedge or Col. There’s no particular reason that flight would be announced last, so I suggested that Red Leader is filling flights in order from most-experienced pilots to least, with Luke a bit of a wild card since he’s just shown up. You can see the storytelling gears turning a bit there, which you’d rather avoid. But sometimes you can’t, and I like to think I got away with it.

A brief continuity note, for those who are interested: I’d filled out Red Squadron for The Essential Guide to Warfare, in a section whose most notable contribution was assigning Puck Naeco (originally introduced way back in the strategy guide for the X-wing game) to the up-for-grabs call sign Red 12. I was happy to do so again in “Duty Roster.”

The rest of the squadron had some alterations, though, to fit Rogue One. It was obvious that X-wing pilots who’d survived Scarif would fly at Yavin 4 too, so Ralo Surrel, Harb Binli and Zal Dinnes were in, and off-screen Legends pilots Rue, Bren Quersey and Wenton Chan got sidelined. But that fit perfectly with the theme of the story. It’s no accident that Rue, Quersey and Chan are the three pilots with Col as he watches the battle.

Col doesn’t get his spot on the mission, and so remains in the pilots’ ready room, alone in his misery. (Once again: he thinks it’s all about him.) Giving into his rage, he trashes the place -- only to realize Wedge has left his helmet behind. Wedge enters and tries to avoid a confrontation, but when Col tries to bait him he quietly but firmly puts Col in his place, showing the maturity and sense of camaraderie that Col lacks and the leadership he’ll display as a squadron leader in the future.

It’s a moment of realization for Col. Which is why he cleans up the mess he’s made and heads for the war room to stand with his fellow pilots. That’s his turn -- and it’s because of Wedge.

Col finds his place in the war room and the Battle of Yavin unfolds as we know it. Except we learn something new that’s really important: Wedge is flying an X-wing with suspect hydraulic lines that were patched up after Scarif. It’s risky, but his choice was to fly and take the risk or stay behind, and he chose to fly.

As a fellow pilot, Col understands the risk Wedge is taking. As the battle unfolds, he thinks about how each of the squadron’s pilots has a shot at becoming the rebel hero he’s dreamed of being. That’s a bit of the old Col, but he doesn’t stop there. He cheers for them (a marked change), and also understands that some of them have no chance at glory -- they’re flying to buy the others more time, and know they’ll have to sacrifice their lives to do so.

And he understands that once Wedge’s hydraulic lines are severed, he’s as big a danger to Luke and Biggs as he is to the TIEs chasing them. So Col doesn’t blame Wedge when he peels off -- in fact, in a sign of his newfound maturity, he urges Kelemah to tell Wedge to do so.

We then learn something else: Wedge charged his auxiliaries and tried to go back to help, which would have been a death sentence. It’s a bit of continuity added to a scene that doesn’t really work in the movie (where the heck is Wedge going?), but Col’s reaction is the key. He understands he would have done the same thing Wedge did, that it would have been a mistake, and begs Wedge not to throw away his life for nothing but pride.

The pilots return, but while everyone runs to congratulate Luke, Col hurries to find Wedge, who’s wrestling with the guilt he feels at having left the fight. It’s Col who absolves him, pointing out that Wedge took out six TIEs, ran the trench at full throttle, kept a malfunctioning fighter intact and then tried to go back. Because Wedge Antilles is that awesome, and because Col Takbright -- Fake Wedge -- has finally figured out that they’re both part of something larger, and that a single pilot’s identity (or mistaken identity) is far less important than what they can do together.

So that’s a wrap. Some other interesting bits for the trivia-minded:

Wedge’s malfunction has been described in various ways in various sources. I took bits and pieces of multiple explanations.

Luke’s simulator run is from the old Brian Daley radio dramas.

I didn’t know the canon status of Blue and Green squadrons, and didn’t want to open a canoncial can of worms. So Red Leader doesn’t know what’s happening with them either. Which makes sense -- he’s got enough on his plate. Since I couldn’t have the reader think Col could just join another squadron, I added the note about his having to go to the back of the line in such a situation.

Colonel Cor is mentioned in the Rogue One visual guide.

Kay-One-Zero is the Alliance evacuation code. Note that you don’t need to know that to understand the reference -- Quersey gives an explanation that reads right on the page but also helps those who don’t know every bit of Star Wars canon. Context is critical for making lore support a story instead of distracting the reader.

When Porkins dies, Rue quietly says “So long, Piggy, you will be avenged.” This is a thought balloon for Biggs in the original Marvel adaptation of A New Hope.

I accounted for the fates of Red Seven, Eight, Nine and Eleven, whose deaths aren’t seen on-screen.

#storytelling #star wars #From a Certain Point Of View #wedge antilles

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