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hunniebunnietarot · 2 years

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PAC: You & your soulmates first impression of e/o(3)

Hi, I'm back with another PAC reading about…well you saw already. I’ll be doing the before, during, and after the meeting. Thank you for all of the support and follows, I appreciate you all. I hope you enjoy this one, and btw i’ll be doing one final part to this soulmate series.

*THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY, ENERGIES CAN CHANGE*

Pick a flower arrangement

Pile 1

Your first impression of them- Before this meeting, love will be the last thing on your mind. You could be or are going to be a very busy person because you never let your ideas stay inside of your mind. You’ll be putting things into action and healing from the past because of it. A difficult period in your life might also be causing you to throw yourself into work as a distraction. A meeting that you’ll have late with friends might be on your mind, or you feel like you’ve been neglecting your friends and you should hang out with them soon. During the actual meeting with your soulmate, you’ll feel like this person will bring an end to a cycle in your life. Perhaps they could be more financially stable than you and you see it. You feel like it’s time to work less and rest more, or find more time to focus on other aspects of your life. It doesn’t feel like a “golddigger” energy, you just realize that you can slow down and reap the fruits of your labor now without necessarily throwing yourself into it. For those with whom that doesn’t resonate you could feel like you and this person will bring in wealth together and be very abundant. After the meeting you’ll feel like this person has opened up a whole new door for you and that it’s a wish come true. I’m seeing an analogy of a dark hall(you), and then a door at the end of the hall opens and light pours in(your soulmate). You’ll feel like this person is toooooo good to be true, but you want to give this relationship a chance.

Their first impression of you- Before the meeting, they’ll be keeping their dreams and aspirations close to their chest, being secretive with those around them. They will be making lots of wishes and manifesting a lot, or just being dreamy(maybe they’re a pisces). They are just in the purist of energies when it comes to manifestation. When meeting you, they will feel like they want to make a love offer toward you. They will feel like you’re their person(the lovers and the two of cups🙊) and that they no longer have to search for anyone or anything. You already have them wrapped around your finger. They feel victorious to have met you, like you’re the ultimate prize. Afterward, they will want to have a new beginning with you(don’t freak out, they might want to have a family with you; keep in mind I didn’t specify how long after the meeting this will be). They want to spend some time alone to study, possibly about this connection because maybe they aren’t sure why they feel so connected to you that fast. They will feel like you’re not only beautiful on the outside, but on the inside too.

~~~

Pile 2

Your first impression of them- Before this meeting you will be just coming back from some sort of celebration. It could be anywhere that you would hear music(party, festival, concert, club…). Anyway, it will be during the night and you’ll be seeking to be alone afterward, maybe it drains your social battery. Maybe you look at the stars to calm down or relax after an event like this. During this meeting you’ll know that this person is “the one” or that you have some sort of undeniable connection. You know that the wait has come to an end and this is your victory lap. You could feel that this person sees the world through a different lens than most or that they’re literally an artist of some sort. You’re definitely going to be overthinking your meeting with this soulmate afterward. Things like calling on the angels to find out more about this connection and falling into bad thinking habits. However, on the bright side this person will tell you something that is going to inspire you in some way, maybe give you an idea for a future endeavor. Overall, you’ll feel like it healed you somehow, even if the encounter was brief it left an impression on your character. That’s literally so sweet😭aww

Their first impression of you- Before the meeting, they will feel inspired, possibly to seek help with something. This person might be older than you. Whatever they need help with, they’ve known this for a while and just have been ignoring it(or they’re too proud to ask for help). During the meeting, they will think ya’ll are the perfect pair(King+Queen of swords) and that there is a possibility of a power couple. Your soulmate thinks this is a new beginning and that you guys could make money together somehow. They want to work hard at this relationship and make some money with you($ is heavy on their mind). Afterward, they feel like time is of essence, like they can’t waste time pursuing you. You bring out their inner child and a lighthearted energy out of them that they hadn’t tapped into before. They are also very hopeful about this connection.

~~~

Pile 3

Your first impression of them- You’ll be connected to your spiritual side before this meeting, maybe doing some sort of divination(like tarot). The reason could be that you think you need protection from some bad energy being projected at you. You could be traveling somewhere for a trip, but for some I feel like the day of this meeting will be a start(or new start) in your spiritual journey. During the meeting you will notice that the two of you work well together, there’s a lot about balance in your pile. This might be someone that you work with because there isn’t too much about love here. So, if that is the case you will be collaborating with this person in some way at work(or school if that resonates). You do feel the potential for a relationship though, or (for the 18+) people you feel the potential of a purely physical relationship. You will overall think that this person is calm and is a good fit for you. This meeting might happen in the winter or something romantic will start then after being purely platonic. Afterward, you will feel like this person couldn’t have come into your life at a better time or that you never even knew that you needed someone like them. It’s possible that the divination from before was you manifesting them into your life. You could realize after the meeting that the universe had been sending you signs all along of your manifestation coming in but you were oblivious the whale time.

Their first impression of you- At the time before the meeting, they will be shedding themselves of situations that don’t really serve them, like toxic friendship. The reason for this could be them being connected to their spiritual side and going through a transformation… I just realized you guys are mirroring each other before meeting, you have some of the same cards. While meeting you, they think you are a little bit combative, or defensive. The way you think stands out to them(whatever that is), contrary to the other energies they could find you quite thoughtful(?). Maybe they find you selfish in some way and they do notice that you make good money. Again, winter is significant in this connection. They do think of you as a blessing to them and they may want to go on some sort of vacation with you. Also, a celebration is on their mind, either with you or their friends. That was definitely interesting…

~~~

Pile 4

Your first impression of them- The day of your meeting could be your birthday. It seems as if you’re entering a new phase of your life, and there’s some sort of wish(which reminds me of blowing out the candles on your birthday). It could also be near your birthday, if not on that day. This will definitely be a period of stepping out of a negative energy into a more positive one. During the meeting, you’re going to be thinking of how good looking this soulmate is. Something could be weighing on your shoulders though, a burden. This could definitely be your self sabotaging ways, you’ll be overthinking this connection for sure. You would be aware that this person is connected spiritually to you and that you’re soulmates, and maybe you find that they have kind of a sad/emotional look to them(similar to pisces placements). Honestly, all I'm getting about your first impression is that you think they’re hot. Afterward, you’ll want to tell all of your friends that you met this person, and you want to research more about the connection. There might be a feeling of wanting to let out your inner child after meeting this person. You feel lucky and super thankful that you’ve met them(I keep hearing “the cat’s out of the bag”).

Their first impression of you- Before, this person is trying to better their lifestyle. Giving in less to their temptations and consuming less unhealthy things(drugs, alcohol, food). They could be on a diet and they try to go outside more, probably to exercise. Your soulmate isn’t focused on love at that point. Their actual first impression of you is that you’re fair, balanced and truthful. They could see you as feminine, no matter your gender and nurturing. They will think of you as very practical when it comes to money, and they see you as the embodiment of hope. You bring a new found sense of renewal to this person. Afterward, if they didn’t already believe in magic, they will after meeting you. They see you as a being of light and this meeting will open up a whole new door of opportunity for them. Literally no negative thoughts about you.

~~~

Omg I was gonna put what cards you had, but they got all mixed up😭sorry! I hope you enjoyed it though!

#love #tarot reading #tarot #pick a card #love reading #soulmate #soulmate reading

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argentnoelle · 6 months

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OUBLIETTE [chapter 5]

The moment Light writes in the death note he becomes a killer, but he could not become Kira without L. (L/Light, slow burn — Yotsuba Arc with all the mind-games intact)

~~~chapter 5~~~

In which L and Light spend time together. (For science. Obviously.)

(read on ao3)

February 2, 2004. For acing the university entrance exams, you get as a graduation present a mechanical-wind Omega Speedmaster. Known as the "moonwatch," it's the official watch used by NASA astronauts on their missions. It can hold up to extremes of pressure and temperature, acceleration and shocks, acoustics and humidity. Buzz Aldrin (Edwin Eugene Aldrin Jr.) wore it on the very first moon landing, while Neil Armstrong (Neil Alden Armstrong) left his inside the lunar module to serve in place of a malfunctioning electronic timer.

When you were a boy you'd always wanted to fly, and the idea of being an astronaut—seeing what Aldrin called the "magnificent desolation" of the moon and being able to look down at the whole earth as though it were a globe, precious and remote, inspired you deeply.

Soichiro gives the watch to you. Every time he comes home lately he looks more haggard, and since New Years it's been worse. You don't know what's going on in the task force anymore, since the case files on his computer stopped being updated, but you blame Kira. You can't stop looking at the shimmer of plexiglass over the black surface, and every day you wind the watch up and hear the soft click, click, click when you turn it in time to your heartbeat. It is the sort of watch that should be treated gently but you open up the back to look at the mechanism, trying to figure out how to fix the broken chronograph dial.

« No one would suspect an expensive watch of having a secret compartment. You have to cut the open back with the chop saw in the lab at school, add a sliding panel on a spring mechanism, and connect the mechanism to the chronograph pin, sacrificing that aspect of the watch's usefulness. It takes hours of work and the inside is messy but it holds a piece of the Death Note. When you are finally finished all it takes is pulling the pin four times (the number of death) for the compartment to slide smoothly open, and you grin in private amusement at a joke between no one but yourself. Unless it was sent to a watchmaker or taken apart by the police, no one would suspect a thing. Your watch is entirely brilliant and entirely unique. »

—You are not a watchmaker, though, and all you can figure out is that there's something wrong with the pin, but you aren't going to send it to be serviced right after you got the damn thing. It's not as though you need that functionality anyway; the watch still works perfectly fine.

When you were sixteen and Sayu was thirteen she had stomped her way into your room and flung herself moodily on your bed. You had been playing Mario Golf and Sayu sighed loudly a few times before you paused the game and looked over at her, setting down the controls. "What is it?" you'd asked, with the upbeat, helpful patience of a big brother. It was a false front, moreso than usual, and it had been for a while. Perhaps it was just growing up, but you'd found puberty to be a disappointment. Everyone in school was even more obsessed about who was going out with whom, and even in high school your classes weren't particularly difficult. Juku, cram school, was better, since you could take advanced classes there, but even that didn't settle the restlessness under your skin. People your age were finding peers to go out with and talking about their crushes like it was somehow the most important thing in the world. You've dated a few girls, like any decent person, but felt the whole time as though it were the most pointless, boring endeavour; no different from going out with friends except that it was supposed to mean something, as though prettiness could ever win out against intellectual stimulation.

In the meantime, the news just kept getting worse. In 2000, two years ago, the Scymitar oryx (Oryx dammah) became extinct in the wild.

Did anyone else notice how death had become such an unbalanced thing? Did anyone else realize how humanity trampled the world? Laws, and customs, and fairness were a fake, and nobody ever learned. The judicial system would rather a hundred guilty people go free than falsely convict one innocent person, public prosecutors deferred 60 percent of cases in order to pursue only the ones certain to end in indictment, and all to keep their reputations and their jobs, upholding the shining public face of the law with its 99.9 percent conviction rate. Everything your father worked for in gathering evidence and apprehending criminals—all you are working for—so easily tossed aside.

"I can't believe I got a pink belt for my birthday," Sayu said, pulling you from your dark thoughts. "Does kāsan even know what I like?"

She threw the offending item before you, and you couldn't stifle a grin. Sayu would wear belts occasionally but she wasn't a fan of pink, and the metal buckle, shaped like two crossed infinity symbols, was too gaudy.

"Sorry," you said, and when she rolled your eyes you grinned wider. "I bet it would look good on me though."

"What?" Sayu complained, half-laughing. "It's a kid's belt, it wouldn't even fit you!"

"I bet it would. I'm pretty skinny." Just to demonstrate, you showed her, pulling off the belt you were wearing and then threading it through and buckling it, striking a pose.

"Oh my god onichan, you look ridiculous," Sayu said, snickering.

"I could start a fashion trend with this crap."

"Of wearing your little sister's clothes?"

"Hey, as long as no one knows where it came from…"

You've always looked good in the colors of the sun.

L's plan to stalk you through your college classes actually lasts only two weeks, the great detective vanishing back into seclusion on April 18th, 2004, when Sakura TV airs the Second Kira's tape and it's discovered the copycat only needs a face to kill. It's not till the 24th, though, that you see the tapes, and even though you hate Kira, it's hard not to be angry on his behalf when this impostor is so obviously muddying his ideals and all in all coming across as a complete amateur.

April 16, 2004. It's Friday, after your last class of the day, and you want to get home as soon as you can, but Ryuga has fallen into step beside you. "You're in a hurry, Yagami-kun," he says.

"It's the weekend," you remind him.

"And, like all students, you're very excited about the prospect," Ryuga says drily. "I understand. Are you planning to go out with friends, or to work on some hobbies?"

"I'd help with the taskforce, if there was anything I could do," you point out. "But as far as I know there hasn't been any movement in the case. What are you planning to do?"

Ryuga ponders for a long moment, actually stopping short to stare blankly ahead of him. You walk on a few more paces and then catch yourself, turning back and waiting.

"...Eat strawberry shortcake," Ryuga says, with an air of having decided on something extremely important. He starts up walking again at a fast pace, and you hurry back into step, feeling annoyingly as though you're the one pathetically trailing after him, and not the other way around.

"What, all day?" you ask, with a laugh in your voice. It's the fake kind of laugh; the kind of laugh that ought to tell Ryuga you're condescending to him.

"Nonsense," Ryuga says. "It does not take all day to eat strawberry shortcake."

Ryuga—if he really is L—is smart enough to pick up on the glaringly obvious, and if you were forced to guess, he's lived in Japan at some point in the past. Even if he sometimes seems to truly miss social cues, he'd have to be illiterate not to pick up on color-coded, gendered marketing in restaurants and grocery stores.

Honestly, it doesn't matter if you've met a few women who aren't into desserts (even your own sister), the point is, liking them is a women's thing and yet Ryuga plays it up. You honestly couldn't care less if Ryuga secretly likes cake, but to ask him point blank what he's planning to do tomorrow on the weekend and for him to announce this… there's no way he wouldn't realize this sounds immature, freakish, and effeminate. What does he think his play is here…?

"So?" you pry. "What else are you planning to do?"

"Yagami-kun is very interested in my plans," Ryuga says smoothly.

"Admit it," you say, with some glee, "you're just going to go back to wherever it is you hang out all day and do absolutely nothing."

"Then we are in the same boat," Ryuga admits.

You're actually busy this weekend, busy « writing in the Death Note » resting and sleeping in, but it's not exactly like that would impress him.

"Yeah, I guess."

Perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise that the next day at the ungodly hour of four o'clock, he calls your personal cell.

"Ryuga," you say, with feeling, "I hate you."

"This is the perfect time to go into the city," Ryuga says. "Traffic at this hour will be greatly reduced."

You roll over, squinting into the early morning glare between your drapes. "I'm not going into the city with you."

"...Because you're Kira?"

"Because I'm tired."

"You're also awake," Ryuga points out. "And I'm new to the area. I need someone to show me around."

"You're kidding me."

"I'll meet you at the station," he says, and hangs up.

« From the corner of the room, Ryuk is laughing at you. You bury your face in your pillow and stifle a scream.

"It seems like L's taken a fancy to you," Ryuk says.

"The only thing he's taken a fancy to is seeing me tortured by sleep deprivation," you growl. You stand up and grab whatever clothes are nearest, too tired and angry to care too much about the impression you'll make, and lock yourself in the bathroom for a record six minutes to get ready, not even bothering to brush your hair. Then you sit down at your desk, carefully pry the false cover off your Death Note with your pen cartridge, and, turning the TV volume off, play back the news you'd taped yesterday. Even one or two names will make this whole horrible turn of events worth it. There's a kind of calming satisfaction in knowing your perfect penmanship will wipe out another bit of the rot from the world. You set the time of deaths for two criminals for later today and tomorrow, respectively. »

On the train, you and Ryuga decide to go to the National Museum of Nature and Science. It's free for students, after all. There's a special exhibition on video games and digital science which you go to first, « Ryuk literally bounces with excitement and starts begging for the gameboy advance SP. The silver version. You have a terrible feeling you'll have to actually buy it for him » then one on the science and art of Star Wars, which Ryuga insists he's never seen.

"You've got to be kidding me," you say. "Everyone's seen Star Wars. Surely you saw it when you lived in Britain…?" you add, blatantly fishing for more information on his past.

"I was too busy playing tennis," Ryuga says blandly. He looks, unimpressed, through the costumes and concept art, the detailed matte paintings and revolutionary CGI technology, and says, "anyway, it doesn't look that interesting."

You're fuming when the two of you leave the exhibit. Not because you're any particular fan of Star Wars, but just because of Ryuga and his annoying habits. It's nearing lunchtime, and you haven't even stopped for breakfast.

You try to think of a way to tell Ryuga this will never, ever happen again. Maybe you need to make some college friends after all.

Of course you end up near the dinosaurs at one point. Their skeletons are primordial things, looming over you and everyone else. « It might be grand and unsettling, if you hadn't had Ryuk constantly looming much closer for four months. The shinigami makes faces at the dinosaurs and flies up round them while » Ryuga stares, wide-eyed. He puts his thumb against his teeth.

"Did you know, some people think dinosaurs had feathers…" he says, apropos of nothing.

"That would definitely be strange," you say. You can picture it. Actually, it wouldn't be half bad.

"I assume you want to go to the exhibit about space development in Japan," Ryuga says, tearing his gaze away from the ancient bones.

"Not really," you say.

"Nonsense," Ryuga says. "Only someone who was interested in space development would wear a moonwatch. Unless you're just a watch connoisseur—?"

You move one hand, aborted, to your watch, self-conscious for a moment, and laugh. "You got me there. Yeah, I'm into space stuff. We might as well take a look at it."

Halfway to the exhibit, Ryuga says, "oh. I see."

"What?"

"Now I understand Yagami-kun's anger when I didn't like Star Wars. 'A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…'" he quotes the plaque that had explained the plot to those few people who'd grown up under a rock, like Ryuga.

"That's just a movie," you say. "It has nothing at all to do with astronauts."

You are still trying to convince him of this when the two of you leave the museum to find somewhere to have lunch, though your passionate defense of the difference between serious science and cowboy movies in space don't seem to make much of a dent on his insistence that he's discovered a new facet of your personality.

"I'm surprised," you say jokingly, when Ryuga actually goes for sushi, "You're not in the mood for dessert?"

"No, I am," Ryuga says, around his bite of rice and fish that he carefully dabs in wasabi, "but it's not every day I know the sushi is trustworthy. It seemed worth commemorating."

"I think a lot of people would be offended, hearing that."

"Oh. I just meant gluten disagrees with me."

"Huh?"

"Food with wheat flour in it," Ryuga explains. "Bread, pastries, cake, noodles that aren't rice noodles, you know. And soy sauce…" he adds, with a sad sigh. So soy sauce has wheat in it? Maybe that does explain a lot about Ryuga's weird eating habits, people put soy sauce in pretty much everything.

"But didn't you say you were gonna eat strawberry shortcake today…"

"Private catering," Ryuga says. "Different recipes. Just in case you were wondering, I said 'disagrees with me,' not 'gives me a deadly reaction,' so you can't get rid of me that easily."

"Come on, you seriously think I'd consider poisoning you?" you complain.

"Mm, you're the one who brought it up," Ryuga says. He raises a finger. "Wait a moment." He roots around in his pocket and pulls out a phone, which baffles you until halfway into the conversation. When he hangs up, he announces that one of his contacts has discovered a theater doing a marathon of the trilogy this afternoon.

"You didn't seriously use up investigation resources on finding out if anyone was showing Star Wars today," you say, because you have to. Ryuga doesn't answer, because of course he has. So you go.

He buys tickets for both of you at the gate, and you start to realize you've spent all day in his company at this point. It surprises you, because you'd almost expected to spontaneously combust of resentment if you'd ever had to spend any prolonged period of time in his presence. You hate him with an incredible vehemence, but somehow the hours have still flown by faster than they had since « you were first writing in the Death Note » the Kira investigation first started.

Your seats are at the very front of the theater, and Ryuga toes off his shoes immediately and crouches on the seat. In the dark, no one is paying you any mind, no one is paying attention to Ryuga's weirdness and so you don't have to care about it. It doesn't really bother you, when you are alone. Sometimes even when you aren't alone, hard enough as that is to fathom. Ryuga has a way of making you forget why you spend so much time thinking about how society perceives you, as though there wasn't a need to be perfect.

As the yellow words begin to scroll across the screen, you remember, suddenly, that you'd never ended up brushing your hair.

(read on ao3)

ao3 version includes cool chapter endnotes!

#death note

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dennou-translations · 3 years

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Violet Evergarden: Booklet 3

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases. If anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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At that moment, I found myself thinking, “Aah, maybe if I disappeared, if I vanished right now, nobody would notice.”

Once I thought this, I could no longer think of anything else.

Before I realized, my hands and feet had moved. I slowly moved my whole body and left that place behind.

Nobody called for. Nobody tried to stop me.

Which was why I was now hiding. I was in a corner of a maze of roses in the royal palace of this forest kingdom.

I looked up at the sky. It was overcast. The air was a little heavy, so there was a chance of rain.

Was anyone looking for me by now? No, they might not have noticed. I could bet a hundred of Drossel’s white camellias that they hadn’t. “That wouldn’t be a bet,” someone said from within my mind.

——What will happen to me if I just stay here like this?

I tried to think calmly. Firstly, I would get hungry. My body would get bitten by insects. The sky was looking shady, so rain might come pouring down on me. I would get a fever from the cold, and then... and then... and then...

The power of my imagination was scarce, so the scenario ended there.

Stretching out my dress’s sleeves and removing my long gloves, I plucked the grass with a bare hand. Picking up some rose petals that had fallen to the ground, I threw them into the air even though they would not fly too far. I looked almost like a child trying to contain her bad mood. Most likely, if anyone saw me, they would wonder what on earth the queen of Fluegel was doing.

Why had I grown up to be like this? All I ever did was think big of small matters and be in a state of chaos. It was such a weak mindset, which people most likely wouldn’t expect to come from someone born in a family that was meant to rule a country.

“Members of the royal family are actually not supposed to expose their original selves. Under no circumstance should you forget that you must act with dignity and be a role model to your subjects.”

Even though I had already become a wife, I behaved like a little girl.

“However...”

I had experienced a romance like the ones that young girls dream with.

“...from my long time working in the court...”

I fell in love and won my beloved lord over.

“...these have been the most memorable Public Love Letters. Yes... in a good sense.”

After running and running, I was now living the aftermath of that.

My name is Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel. Already a year had passed ever since I married off to Fluegel.

Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel and the Forest Kingdom

Drossel and Fluegel – no matter what could happen to these two nations in the future, they had me as their intermediary princess. If I happened to die in this rose labyrinth without anybody ever finding me, I wanted someone to remember that.

As to why things had turned out like this, I’d have to rewind my life a little to explain. I had to mix up the cauldron of time that made the hours pass.

How far back was I supposed to go?

That beautiful golden-haired girl. My favorite. The ghostwriter who had become a mediator for my romance.

Rewinding to the times of Violet Evergarden’s Public Love Letters would be going back too far. It should be a bit later. Perhaps the appropriate would be around the time when I, who was once the third princess of Drossel – that beautiful country where white camellias bloomed in copious amounts –, went away and changed my surname. Yes, right, that was adequate enough.

Fluegel was a neighboring country of prosperous forestry. I was married to the man who had the priority rights to succeeding its throne. Letting go of everything that I had cherished until then, I married off.

I had transformed from a girl into an adult. Although my appearance hadn’t changed much, that was my status.

My husband was Damian Baldur Fluegel. He was the person who possessed the rights of succession as the next monarch at the beginning of our marriage, but a few days ago, he had inherited the throne from his father and become a king both in name and reality. In other words, I had become the queen as well.

Probably the worst queen in history. After all, I had run away.

Let me try to trace the rewound time with exact precision.

Fluegel’s capital was a city of fresh greenery, which had a castle erected in the depths of a forest. Said royal palace couldn’t be considered sturdy or showy, but it was in perfect harmony with the nature, endowed with a calculated beauty. Unlike Drossel, a country that maintained itself through the tourism industry, Fluegel had much of its national interest shouldered by its forestry. Drossel’s national flower was the white camellia, while Fluegel’s was the red rose.

The two countries were separated by a large river, but one would be tempted to wonder how they could be so different.

Differences were by no means a bad thing. After all, Lord Damian and I had met because we had been raised in such different cultures. That was exactly why I became attracted to Lord Damian’s… albeit artless, uninhibited personality, which was so unlike that of the royals from Drossel and other nations...

Yes, “differences” were not bad. But the so-called “differences”... how should I put it? When they weren’t tolerated, instead viewed as an absence of profits and effort, they would turn into a really bad thing.

Most likely, that was what made me the way I was now.

Was this an excuse? It might be. But that was how it was. That was it.

At first, my life in Fluegel didn’t go well.

Becoming used to even small differences in habit was extremely difficult for me, which caused the chamberlain to sigh often. He was someone who deserved respect for having taken care of Lord Damian’s personal matters for quite a long time.

There was no mistaking that I was in a position higher than his, but I soon understood that he looked down on me. One could tell as much by things such as the movements of the other’s eyes and their attitude.

The chamberlain would tell me: “That is not the way we do it in Fluegel”, “This is for your protection. You will be criticized otherwise. Now, fix yourself up”, “I have said this several times, but...”

I didn’t think I was some idiot. I believed myself to be the kind of girl who could do well if I put my mind into it. But I had to admit that I was a very unstable crybaby.

The differences such as the ones that the chamberlain talked about were, for example, the order in which people were seated at meals, how to lift my dress when hopping into a carriage, and other minute details like that. If I were told such things back in Drossel, I was positive that I could internalize it in the first try. After that, I definitely wouldn’t repeat the mistake. But the moment I tried to do it in this foreign country that I wasn’t familiar with, being watched by the monitoring eyes of someone that didn’t have me in his favor, I ended up failing. It was almost as if I were inducing the failure on my own. What was this phenomenon?

The chamberlain most likely knew this as well. He knew it, and even then he would sigh and speak in a detached manner while watching me go pale. There was nothing good in it for either of us, yet we would find ourselves repeating this vicious cycle.

To be honest, we were so incapable of getting along that the desire to jump off from one of the Fluegel castle’s windows as retaliation surged from within me. However, I had no choice but to keep going. Because I was a newcomer and that person was an elder.

If I didn’t get used to this, it would be the end of me.

Right, and there was also the tea party. The flow of the Cauldron of Time had finally returned to the present.

It all had begun… from the chamberlain suggesting that if I, who had become the queen, held a tea party, I would certainly make myself known as someone who shines like the stars in the night sky. He gave a long speech about my authority as a queen being this and that. That detestable chamberlain.

I did like tea parties, but even after being in Fluegel for a year, I wasn’t able to find myself anyone that I could consider close to me, so I frankly didn’t like the idea. I hadn’t gotten myself anyone to be on friendly terms with, so rather than a display of my power, wouldn’t this be deemed as more of a public execution for me?

Ever since I had arrived here, I was in the position of a foreign princess who had a political marriage with Lord Damian, so both the royal family that I had joined and the people who took care of me were somewhat distant… To make things worse, I was the very person who had tainted the traditional event of the Public Love Letters. People were wary of me as an unprecedented princess.

I had seen that Fluegel had a liberal aspect to it and wasn’t too bound by formalities in comparison to Drossel, but when it came to the royal family, that was a different story.

Whenever I passed the corridors of the royal palace, I could hear one name being whispered. Everyone would have faint smiles on their faces. “Baby Princess” was what they called me.

The one who came up with it was Lord Damian’s younger sister or something. Indeed, I had childish facial features and I was the girl who had married for love, so there was no helping that I would be mocked like this.

Receiving a nickname and having it made into a title meant that it was ingrained in people. Once a knight earned himself an alias, others would expect him to have a conduct that was worthy of it. In that same manner, no matter what I, Charlotte Abelfreya Fluegel, might say… I lived in Fluegel as the princess whom everyone would giggle at.

Whenever I made a mistake, “it’s because she’s a child”. If I happened to rush towards Lord Damian, “it’s because she’s a child”. Whenever I said anything, “it’s because she’s a child”.

If there was some magic spell that could turn me into a twenty-year-old right now, I would have taken it. It’d be great if I could instantly grab ahold of my dignity in a way that nobody would complain. But that was something that people had to be awarded to through the years, along with their efforts...

I might have been the Baby Princess today as well – the day of the tea party.

The chamberlain was in awfully high spirits, which one way or another was an omen for misfortune. I was watching from my bedroom as the elderly man briskly instructed the people around him.

From the room where I stayed with Lord Damian, I could see the castle’s garden, the rose maze that started from the garden’s entrance veering to the side, and the castle town. Back when we had just married, we used to often gaze outside the window together, but now we couldn’t even talk for more than five minutes.

Ever since succeeding the throne, Lord Damian was truly busy. He would be working while I waited for him in our room; by the time that I woke up, he would be by my side without me having realized it; as I stretched the creases that formed between his eyebrows while he was dreaming, he would wake up all of a sudden and then head off to the royal office again.

I was depressed since morning, because why did I have to hold a tea party while my husband was working so indiscriminately? But, well, this was also part of my duties. It was important for me to mingle with other women from a social status similar to mine. The trust earned from them would help not just me but also Lord Damian.

Those who controlled factions also had control of politics. Yes, yes, I knew that much. I had to do this exactly because things weren’t going well. In order to level up my speech skills, I had to start from taking up a stance. As my position was becoming worse, if I could get around here well, I would increase my authority in the royal territory without having to recreate myself.

I understood the reasoning behind this. What the chamberlain said was correct. He was implicitly telling me to do right, and I was the one at fault for not managing it...

The tea party was held in the garden outside at the arranged time.

There were people that I hadn’t seen ever since my wedding ceremony, whom I greeted while turning my head around at an incredible speed. Whenever someone sprinkled the subject of political affairs here and there, I’d throw it back at them with a smile, literally tearing apart and flinging away whatever came at me on repeat. Although the scene actually looked like a peaceful conversation, under the surface, I, the queen, was being evaluated, so this was a battle.

I thought I had done a really strenuous effort up until the middle of it. Instilling the impression that “My, so maybe the Baby Princess isn’t a bad person and is surprisingly smart when she talks?” was quite a success. The signs that I could make them deem me as worthy of standing by Lord Damian’s side were becoming visible. However, the very moment that Her Highness, the King’s young her sister, appeared in the tea party, everything I had set up crumbled down at once.

She was pretty late from the scheduled time – rather, she suddenly showed up when it was already ending.

Although she was close to me in age, she had a very adult appearance and was an awfully beautiful person. Renowned as one of Fluegel’s talented women, she was also involved with the National Assembly, and told us that she had rushed over because the meeting had ended just now. I had not yet been allowed to attend the meetings even though I was the queen, so I was terribly jealous... and a little miserable.

Of course, whatever had been discussed there became the topic, which Her Highness told the women present, explaining in a simplified manner. What a wonderful person she was.

Regardless, it felt like this was going to end as Her Highness’s tea party, even though it was mine. Well, that was okay too. Rather, it might be easier if there was someone to take the initiative to talk like this. I had a bug where I couldn’t speak very well to people whom I wasn’t close to, so I decided to leave it to her.

Despite this being a tea party, I hadn’t eaten anything, so I had the feeling that I would get hungry in the evening. I wondered what we would have for dinner.

Just like that, half of my soul disappeared somewhere else, so I didn’t notice that the subject had changed from state affairs to the next successor to the throne.

“Queen, are you listening? If things continue the way they are, there will be no helping it if a concubine is appointed.”

Since I hadn’t noticed it, I couldn’t react right away, even as I took the tremendous brutality of those words to the face. This had happened just a moment ago, so I didn’t remember very well what kind of reaction I’d had. I had the feeling that I had responded with a somewhat sluggish reply such as “aah” or “eeh”... much like the way that living creatures cried for the first time upon being born.

I could immediately tell that Her Highness wasn’t satisfied with my answer.

“It is because you are so laidback like this that the King has to fight the national affairs alone. You still intend to be here as a guest, not doing what you have to do, so everyone has to hold back and nobody can speak up their opinions. Talk more. Be more useful to the country. Most important of all, it has already been a year, yet nothing has been reported to us. Are you seriously discussing the succession with the King? If this goes on, someone will suggest a concubine for him.”

With such words thrown at me in sequence, I—I had... I had a thought. That perhaps she was trying to make me lose heart. Wasn’t I being attacked right now?

I looked around. Nobody attempted to open their mouths in order to defend me. There was no one. I had no one.

All of them were waiting for my reaction.

I knew this situation. I knew it very well. I wasn’t being treated as a person at the moment. My personality was being denied as well. The dignity that should be granted to the human being named Charlotte wasn’t being taken into account.

However, I didn’t break. Why?

Because I was used to being neglected.

“Yes, I am truly doing a poor job. I believe it is as you say.”

I was smiling.

“However, it has not yet been decided what will be my part of the work and what will be the King’s, as we are in the process of deciding on it as a couple.”

I was smiling mockingly.

“Now that I have talked to all of you like this, I have concluded I should propose my thoughts to the parliament slowly, little by little.”

I was... smiling.

“I was the princess of my country. But now, I am the queen of Fluegel. I did not intend to be here in the position of guest, but it is true that I was restraining myself. But is that not the same for all of you? I am aware. Everyone has been... well, surrounding me from a distance and looking after me. I was fretting, as it would have been better for you to tell me more directly if there was anything wrong... By all means, I would like to have a frank exchange of opinions with you in the future... and I hope that we can help each other... as fellow women.”

This was laughable.

Her Highness was appalled. So was everyone else. She must have spoken so conflictingly due to thinking that it was sure to make me start crying.

I wanted her to stop saying such stupid things. I was the former third princess of Drossel. Did she know what kind of country that was? It was a country where it was okay for women to become political tools. We were by no means granted the position to act freely like she did. As the shadows so-called “women”, we had no choice but earnestly do whatever we could.

I was born in a country were women were consumed and worn down. To top it off, I had been raised mostly by courtiers, away from my biological parents. I hadn’t seen my mother in forever.

Exhausted as a result of her marriage of convenience, Mother had Father build her a palace and secluded herself in it all day long every day. She did show up at the wedding ceremony, but she hadn’t even sent me a single letter after I had married off. She had probably already forgotten that she had given birth to me.

But that was the country I had been born in. I had been raised by one of this country’s strong women – a carefully selected, tough woman. This person patiently educated me, even though my aptitude wasn’t good. She explained things to me over and over again. She scolded me a lot. She taught me so that I would be able to marry anyone and live anywhere. She had also predicted that a situation like this might happen. So she told me how to act during a quarrel with other women.

That was why I smiled at times like these.

My looks weren’t bad. I was no idiot. I knew what effects I would bring about if I smiled. There was little that I could do, but I was going to be the one firing the best shot here.

I was a crybaby. I was a weakling. I was lonely.

However, I had been taught well. No matter what, I couldn’t lose in times like these. I knew that much.

I had been protected through the erasure of my personality.

That day’s tea party was over right then, and thanks to the chamberlain saying that it would soon be time to bring it to a close, it ended well.

At a later date, my feud or whatever with Her Highness would become a rumor around the royal palace, but that was a story of the future. In any case, it was over for now. Therefore, I was extremely relieved.

The chamberlain let me return to my room unusually early and consoled me with a “you must be tired”. “You were excellent today,” he told me. Enveloping my shaky palms in his hands, which had wrinkles just like Alberta’s, he warmed them up. “No matter what happens, do not forget that you have one ally,” he said.

From that, I understood a little something. That he, indeed, worried about me in his own way. I wasn’t fond of his way of doing things, but he had struggled as much as he could in order to do something to improve my position.

He had seen what I had gone through today, so he was commending my brave fight. I had been subjected to violence today. I had been told such terrible things. Even though I—I...

I was in love with Lord Damian.

Both Drossel and Fluegel were aware of this. The citizens of both kingdoms knew it. And yet, aah, how embarrassing. But everyone knew.

I was in love with that person. I was in love.

“You have not sired a child after a year, so there might be need for a concubine. Therefore, if such a woman appears, you should accept it,” she said, despite knowing how much it would hurt me.

I was told off. I was told off by the younger sister of the object of my affections. That was what she said to me.

“Thank you, but please, let me be alone.”

I still managed to keep my smile up, but as soon as I drove the chamberlain out of the room, the tears overflowed torrentially and I couldn’t stop them.

There should be things more painful than that out there in the world. I looked like a fool for crying because of something like this. But right now, I was feeling like the most pitiful person in the world. I wanted to return to Drossel. I wanted to go home to Drossel.

No, that wasn’t it. No, that wasn’t it. No, that wasn’t it.

I wanted to go back to the person who would always allowed me to cry, no matter how much I did so. The person who would stay by my side.

“Alberta...”

I wanted to go back to Alberta.

I knew it was stupid of me. But when I thought that a day might come when Lord Damian, my husband – the object of my affections –, would take another woman aside from me, it was so painful. My chest hurt – it hurt so much that it was hard to breathe. So I couldn’t contain my cries.

I wondered what had gone wrong.

Was it because I had started clamming up, since the chamberlain would always hammer me down by saying, “That kind of unheard-of behavior is not allowed here”, so I couldn’t speak the way I wanted to? Or was it because I was late to find out that not assertively addressing the royal family was bad manners, since I was in a position where I had to wait for people to talk to me first back in Drossel?

Perhaps it was everything.

Apparently, Fluegel hadn’t taken in a princess from abroad in the last sixty years, so maybe it was already difficult for them to accept a foreign object like me in the first place. Things would probably have been different if I were a great woman – yes, a woman like Her Highness –, yet I had nothing but tears. Still, was I such a horrible person that I had to be told such things?

Aah, nothing – just nothing. Nothing was working out. It might be that nothing would go well from now on too.

This thought swiftly made its way into my heart.

All of a sudden, I was able to clearly hear the sounds around me. The noises of someone walking, the whistling of the wind outside, my own breathing. The way that the tears fell down as they dripped from my eyelashes, the way that I was suddenly looking at myself in a holistic manner.

Yes, perhaps things would never work out from now onward. If so, then...

Then, shouldn’t I run away?

Several questions – such as to where, with whom and to do what – came to me, but I ignored them. I had probably broken down at that point.

I dropped my own heart, which I had been cherishing as much as possible in order for it not to break, onto my feet. I had the feeling that I heard a clank when doing so.