#and then absolute heartache because you don't know what to do with that information. you didn't expect it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sadtonight · 2 years

Text

"What do you mean I can't dance??"

Summary: your boyfriend and subsequently you are invited to some event which heavily involves dancing. Little does your boyfriend know, you have no dancing skills whatsoever but it doesn't stop you from grooving!

Characters: dorm leaders;

Warnings: none, reader is gender neutral, established romantic relationships, grown up characters;

Side notes: shit tons of hcs and fics about dancing but none about sucking at dancing smh. In the end of the day you shouldn't give a damn about how others perceive your dancing, don't let them spoil your fun. *Lose yourself to dance plays in the distance*

Riddle

— the invitation initially put Riddle into the quandary. On one hand it was an opportunity to get to know a great deal of potentially splendid, like-minded people judging from the format of the event. However, on the other hand attendees were required to participate in ballroom dancing and it has been a while since he last had practiced;

— the male voiced pros and cons to you as he found it absolutely vital to share his concerns with his partner whom he was planning to come along with. You reassured him that there was no harm in going, thus helping Riddle make up his mind;

— your boyfriend tugged, fixed and swept at your clothes each time you went out: it was a habit of his to always check if your attire was fit and neat. At those short moment he never shyed away from giving words of affirmation or physical gestures like kissing your cheeks and hands. This time though, Riddle instead admired your whole appearance, thinking about how perfect you were from inside and out;

— fast forward to current time, red haired was conversing with some of the guests not too far from the dancing area, engrossed in chat about importance of rules and etiquette of ballroom dancing. Gradually, the group started to mock the attendees who showed little to no skills in the activity. Riddle had a few chuckles and made a few witty remarks at oblivious crowd;

— untill one of the guests pointed at you, who, despite the steadiness of the music rhythm, was making fast, sharp moves with your arms and legs. The red haired male's amusement immediately changed to consternation as his eyes widened and arm shot up;

—"Ack!! That's my...!" Riddle mentally yelped, quickly composing himself after listening to the sneer of people with whom he was cheerly speaking just a minute ago now targeting you. He grew more and more wrathful by a comment up until he couldn't hold back anymore. The male's face was painted in red crimson rose like colour as he begun berating the group so severely that it made you and others to stop on the track;

— you tried to approach your enraged boyfriend and de-escalate the situation when all of the sudden he grasped your hand and stormed out of the building, sparing it from the flames his fire magic was tempting him to use;

— from this day forward, Riddle swore to teach you all types of dances until you mastered each so that NO ONE would dare to make fun of his beloved partner ever again!!

Leona

— yet again Leona was invited to his nephew birthday party. And to add an insult to the injury, that damn woman was adamant on you going too because you were his "special person". What a drag...

— the source of beastman's heartache didn't come from the party itself, but from none other than you. Be it an informal party or gathering, the moment group games were announced you would in a heartbeat capture his hand and loudly volunteer to partake along with him. Whether you enjoyed the activities or not wasn't important to you because the sole purpose was to piss Leona off, that's at least what he himself believed was the case;

— however, half of the time you just wanted to have fun with your boyfriend, doing goofy stuff and getting special treats or trophies. And of course, you were looking forward to seeing smug cat smile the lion would slip when he crushed cocky opponents who thought that winning against lazy second born would be a piece of cake. Though the beastman would never admit to enjoying himself when you pointed it out;

— so after briefly exchanging... pleasantries and giving presents, your boyfriend left you with his older brother's family and rushed to get some grub, telling you to come over when you finished, hoping he would stay off your radar until all the group games concluded;

— as the evening went on, Leona got himself a secluded area by commanding some guests to scramble away, effortlessly obtaining the view of the whole room. He was lounging on the couch, treating himself with a trey of different meats and observing how half of the people tried to butter up the birthday boy, while the other sunk their teeth into the food like a bunch of starving animals;

— it all came to a halt when the music started playing and everyone started to dance, safe for the lazy lion who probed himself with his arm and sleepily watched how everything unfolded. The drowsiness was getting better of him, so he decided to spare a few glances at the dance floor before falling asleep when he caught the sight of your legs twisting and turning in an unnatural way;

— Leona jolted awake only to see you lubberly moving to upbeat Sunset Savannah music: it was so pathetic, you resembled a clumsy zebra stuck in the swam, trying to get free. He was watching you with undivided attention, finding it much more entertaining than anything that occurred thus far;

— once the lion had his share of laughs he called you up, having enough of partying. On the way back home, Leona couldn't stop poking fun at your crude movements, prompting you to hit him repeatedly with your elbow and saying how you will never dance in his presence ever again. He cheekily put his arm around your waist and tugged you closer, suggesting giving up on dancing and instead spend party time in his embrace or on his lap. It's not like someone will dare to disturb the lion prince and his beloved partner.

Azul

— the party wasn't hosted by Azul and yet it was held in the biggest Mostro Lounge restaurant in the whole Twisted Wonderland which the octomer owned. The reason behind inviting you and himself in was because certain mermen twins were the organizers, meaning that the owner's presence was critical;

— the party was on the formal side much to Floyd dismay and to Azul's delight. Your even received a bona fide compliment when you asked your boyfriend for the feedback on the outfit. Azul just needed to supervise the event in order to prevent any "mishaps", give an uplifting toast for the guests, finishing with having slow dance with you (maybe with a few mild kisses here and there) and the evening would be almost an effortless success;

— the gathering was flowing smoothly: attendees were praising and gushing about restaurant's design, menu and owner, prolonging octomer's wide smile that was anticipating the increase of new wealthy customers. That is until he remembered who the organizers were;

— Azul ignored his worries and looked around until his attention was drawn to sudden change of slow jazz to club music. He could feel anxiety wash over him like an icy cold tide, however the male closed his eyes, composing himself again and deciding on seeking you out just in case;

— he was scanning the room when he saw Jade behind the bar counter, looking directly at Azul, wearing an ominous self-pleased expression. Octomer, of course, figured out that the eelmer was onto something, sarcastically demanding to tell what the taller male found so entertaining. Jade was quick to remark that your dance moves were nearly as "masterful" as his brother's, the comment giving Azul the realization of the fact that only Floyd could dance in an erratic yet presentable manner;

— Azul quickly run his eyes though the crowd of people one more time, until he spotted the other twin clapping and cheering with some guests at someone — you;

— oh by the Sea Witch your dancing was atrociously awful he had to intervene NOW. When in your groove you thew your head to the side, your eyes landed on your boyfriend who appeared... flustered? His eyes were sparkling, smile trembling, brows frowned and face both pale and pink simultaneously. You asked if Azul needed some water and fresh air and he instantaneous agreed, loudly excusing both of you, retreating to Mostro Lounge secluded booth area;

— on the way, he picked up your favourite dishes and sat you on the booth, urging you to enjoy the food. Azul assured you that you don't need to dance to such coarse music and instead dance with him when he will force the music switch back to classy, fine jazz later that night.

Kalim

— the banquet invitations which both of you got via colourful parrots came from Kalim's parents. You were a tad bit nervous since you were going to attend the gathering that wasn't thrown by your boyfriend;

—it's not like the banquet promised to be less grandiose, entertaining or lush: if anything it was much, much bigger than the ones the party loving male held in your shared luxurious home. It's the fact that you had already been in that building and it was tremendously huge. Additionally, the approximate guest number that was counted at the previous banquet didn't give you much confidence either;

— unlike you, Kalim was so thrilled that he put his traditional, embodied Scalding Sands dress shirt backwards and couldn't tie his equally festive turban correctly, only doing so with your help;

— just as you arrived, your boyfriend tightly took a hold of your hand. Of course he could sense your tentativeness after several years of dating. So to soothes your nerves and to familiarise you with the surroundings white haired male eagerly lead you around his former home, stopping to reminiscence about childhood and to say "hi" to guests and servants who happened to pass by;

— eventually both of you caught the sound of live music playing not too far, thus you made your way to the grand dancing hall. The merry atmosphere alone could put anyone into the mood for dancing! Kalim wasted no time to start moving with the music, letting out joyful laughter;

— you softly chuckled and joined in while trying to somewhat mirror your boyfriend style so the two of you were like a dancing duet. Until all of the sudden Kalim halted, his eyes widening and mouth hanging wide open...he couldn't just believe...;

—.... couldn't believe how one could dance so badly! The male truly followed the notion that having fun at the parties was the most important thing yet he never could imagine anyone having no sense of movement at all! He regretted not noticing it way sooner and helping you out when there were countless opportunities;

— it really painted Kalim to inform of your inability to dance, however, he would never dare to instill the idea that you ought to never try again. Your boyfriend took your hands and gave a little spin, proclaiming that he would be your dance teacher from that day onward!

— for every proper dance move Kalim would reward you with a brief kiss to your face. But when you finished your first set of dance moves, you received a loving tight hug, a toothy smile and a load of cordial praise;

Vil

— the celebrity at first considered declining the invitation, opting for just spending alone time with you but you, as opposed to him, wanted to go because you rarely accompanied Vil to any parties or gatherings;

— alas it didn't occur to him to inquire about your ability to dance sooner, being preoccupied with styling a matching look for the two of you in such a short period of time. When the thought finally occurred you both were already standing right outside the apartment where the party was held. Upon hearing Vil ask if you were going to disgrace him on the dancefloor you protested and feverishly shook your head in denial;

— a smirk found it's way on your boyfriend's face as he gently rubbed your back, not believing in a single word but being pleased with your confidence nonetheless. It was no use leaving just yet, not until beautiful male made a little fieldwork and you had a bit of fun;

— Vil actually was well aware of the fact that any famous people party would be an ordeal to anyone if they are not mentally and physically prepared. Victims face getting picked on and ridiculed for the smallest mistake or innocent actions while offenders themselves masterfully pretend to be on the victim's side;

— the drinks were from expensive brands and the music was ringing in your ears but you didn't mind in the slightest. Actually, watching world famous celebrities casually chatting nearby left you in a starstruck state;

— one good looking lady in particular, who you swear you saw in several beauty products commercials before, came up to you and talked to you as if you were old friends! There was cheerful air around her and her movements were so animated that you were afraid she might spill her beverage;

— that is until the music track changed and your new acquaintance pulled you to the center of the dance floor urging you to show your dance moves while she started the recording on her phone, some guests circling you, watching with anticipation;

— you didn't find anything wrong with the idea and just as you were about to make a move you felt familiar set of hands lay on top of your hip and shoulder. You turned your head and beamed at your boyfriend, celebrity Vil Schoenheit who was currently having a heated staring contest, with now annoyed young woman, which you failed to notice in the dimly lit room;

— fair male came to inform you that it was already time for both of you to take your leave. A peck to the cheekbone and a few comments regarding the beauty regime and sleep left you no room for objections so you gave up with a sigh and wished pretty lady goodbye;

— later, while the two of you were being driven home by Vil's chauffeur you dozed off on your boyfriend shoulder. He himself was wide awake and fueled by resentment, blocking numbers in his phone book and writing messages to his manager concerning canceling collaborations with a few previously "amiable" colleagues. Also, Vil must not forget to contact his private choreographer tomorrow to sign you up for dancing classes;

Idia

— the realization that his luck stat has plummeted down to negative digit struck Idia when he saw that the email that was from some wannabe magic engineers, which he avoided like a plague, not only hasn't been deleted but also marked as 'read';

— blue flamed male could never have predicted that him solving some ez technical problem on some dusty old forum while he was helping you fix your dated hairdryer would result in receiving invitation to some, normie waltz slumber party;

— really, you and Ortho were blessings in Idia's dreadful life and yet he also absolutely despised how both of you often would gang up on him. Lanky male had energy to handle one significant person at a time, not two!

— so here he was, one hand taken by his non-organic brother's and the other by your organic one. It was already kinda humiliating to dress formally but being escorted by his partner and younger small brother like this..? Just end him already;

— after a while, Idia wandered into the nearest empty corner by himself and inadvertently begun reflecting: bunch of npcs, uninventive installations with blurry projections and overall dead atmosphere. Yup, nothing like Dance Dance Wonderland con where attendants could cosplay, dance however they wanted and equipment was, admittedly, top notch too;

— this whole gathering wasn't cut out for people like him to begin with!! Idia just wanted to rip his chic suit off himself and collect you and Ortho and return to your safehouse. Spotting his brother would be like a walk in the park as opposed to finding you. He needed to retrieve you quick and not trigger agro of any stray party npc;

— amidst his not-so-subtle search for you, Idia all of the sudden felt a hand interwine with his, the sensation making him jolt back with a yelp. Truthfully, you didn't intend to scare your boyfriend but to ask him to dance with you. You thought he in return would harshly turn you down like he always does, however for some reason Idia gave you a short "okay";

— initially, tall male thought that you purposefully were stepping on his shoes and making wrong moves. Upon him telling you to cut it out you retorted by saying that waltzing was hard and it finally clicked. Your boyfriend adjusted his hands on your body, clasping your with newfound confidence and got down to business;

— Idia turned out to be insanely good at waltz: it felt like the stand-offish male you dated was switched to dancing pro! You didn't even notice how he dipped you down along with him, his face a short distance from yours and eyes twinkling with familiar desire which you rarely saw flame haired man display in public;

— in the corner of your eye you could see a light blue flame approach you. Idia had to break from your form when Ortho started to gush about one of his older brother's fantasy coming true after watching really good dancing anime a year ago. Sadly, your now flaming pink boyfriend had already retreated outside so you couldn't properly confront him, deciding to do so when everyone gets home.

Malleus

— Briar Valley castle has always seemed grim and somber: even a few dozens of colourful flowers in a huge king's garden added just a small drop of coziness to the place. Still, this was your home and having such vibrant cast of residents who had magic seep right out of their fingertips was a major plus;

— one of them in particular was Lilia Vanrouge, who was explaining in a great, vivid length how the private anniversary party would flow to none other than current ruler of the kingdom, Malleus Draconia. The male in question was listening with great attentiveness, although unknowing crowd would assume that the bat fae was getting on the king's nerves judging from the weird, wicked expression he was making;

— in truth, Malleus had hard time containing his excitement as it has been an agonizingly long while since he was last able to let loose with his loved ones. The time would not wait for him and his beloved yet perishable partner in particular when the two of you spend time together. Instead, fae had to attend every gathering almost all by himself and rarely you could be taken too, due to the grey area that you stood in;

— neverless, this time the party would be small and, most importantly, unofficial and private which meant that no stranger was allowed except for the castle crew. The gathering was kept secret from you as well, in order to surprise you, despite the fact that you nearly found out about it's existence when you encountered the strange behaviour of your boyfriend and his retainers on several occasions;

— and lo and behold: you woke up one day to the room filled with colourful decoration from the floor to the ceiling. Each room had at least one balloon, the throne room being the most stuffed with different vibrant decorations;

— music was some weird mix of classic and electronic music, which you suspect was Lilia's production. At any case, you were determined to get a kick out of the party, so with a spring in your steps and party hat pressing against your head you came up free area and started your groove;

— even though your customs were atypical to castle inhabitants it was clear as a day that you possessed no competence in dancing. When others would turn their faces away, giggle or wince at you one person kept watching with both adoration and mischief in their features: it was your boyfriend Malleus;

— Draconia indeed considered stepping in and helping you out but seeing you have so much fun made him delay his arrival. You were utterly assured that you were able to dance and yet every single move was off beat. Fae could no longer wait to finally be your teacher instead of pupil, so with dismissal of his retainers with whom he was observing, Malleus started making his way to you, thinking about the amount of romantic gestures he could get away with tonight.

#twisted wonderland headcanons #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #kalim al asim x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader

447 notes · View notes

002yb · 1 year

Note

I absolutely adore your DickJay fics, scenarios, and thoughts! They're so fun. I am curious, though. What are your headcanons on the other Bats reaction/opinions on their relationship? What members are supportive? Do any of them disapprove?

Oh, anon. The way my thoughts scattered every which way with this hahaha. We've got a little bit of everything here; vibes separated by bullet points. ٩(๑ơలơ)۶♡

Bruce

Simultaneously overprotective and aggressively supportive; wars with himself over how his dear boy is defiling his darling baby boy and like, he doesn't know how he feels about it. On the one hand, fuck Dick. On the other, there's no one that Bruce trusts more with Jason. So. Both earnest and begrudging acceptance.

'Don't get weird about it,' Jason says. Only Bruce gets weird about it anyway. Just so intense that it's embarrassing. Fuck forbid Bruce remembers his own anniversaries, but he'll send reminder texts to them both and send them congratulatory flowers or champagne the day of. Just weirdly involved despite keeping to the fringes.

Forever oblivious. Doesn't matter what precarious situation he catches dickjay in, it never registers. 'World's greatest detective' title revoked.

Pragmatic. Uncaring so long as it doesn't impact work. Seemingly indifferent, but would capitalize on what relationship can mean for his mission. Would probably try to use Dick to manipulate Jason.

Not supportive. No blessings given. Unfortunately this sort of situation feels more like Bruce holding onto grievances with Jason and not trusting him to not corrupt Dick's morals (though like, lbr; Dick doing a lot of corruption/defilement in his own right lol).

Tim

Accepting, supportive, but also very done with these two morons because dickjay harass him with their shenanigans (intentional and not); so tired.

The above, but Tim is sort of into it (freaky freaky (*°∀°)=3)

Pragmatic. Would play their feelings for each other to his favor. Not usually in a negative way, but not above it. Generally indifferent to the feels, just sees the utility in it.

Damian

Protective of Dick (but supportive)

Protective of Jason (begrudgingly supportive after a period of failed attempts to sabotage Dick hahaha; just a whole jealousy thing because Jason is Damian's and Dick is infringing on what isn't his and Damian's patience is short and his tolerance at the end of its rope so help him Grayson, Damian will fuck him up if he fucks Jason - sorry, fucks up Jason in any way).

Protective of both and at a standstill because of it (still supportive, but too many shovel talks too little time).

Oblivious. Just oblivious.

The above would be fun in a fic where father dearest, world's greatest detective, is also oblivious lol. It runs in the family.

Devastated, but bears the heartache well (unrequited crush on Jason)

Have I made it apparent that I really like Damian crushing on Jason? Because I do. Weird place to ask but if anyone has a fic rec with this premise (bottom!Jason if anything veers that way lol) then like, yes please??

Adamant supporter because it's like his second dad/mom are hooking up. Dick and Jason are the only people worthy of each other in Damian's eye, so it works. This Damian is having a good time, given Bruce won't make an honest woman out of Talia (alternatively, Talia isn't making an honest man out of Bruce either so lol)

Cass

Supportive, no doubt or question to it

Teasing (specifically of Jason hahahah she can fluster him so easy; she sees why Dick enjoys it).

Alfred

Supportive. Content. Pleased.

Concerned, given both boys are dear to him and both are moderate disasters. He doesn't want any heartbreaks. ):

Exasperation because he finds them all over the manor, without fail.

=======

Thank you so much, by the way!! It makes me all sorts of happy that you enjoy my stories and the little informal things I put out there. (´⌣`ʃƪ)♥ Thank you for the engagement, too! This was a lot of fun. Have a lovely weekend, anon~ ♥♥♥

#jaydick #dickjay

71 notes · View notes

adamsrcnan · 2 years

Note

when I find myself in times of trouble I… seek comfort on your blog🥲

that last Greywaren sneak peek has me in absolute shambles and I have no idea what is going to happen between Adam and Ronan in the sense that I’m so worried about the book being too short for everything to be fixed thoroughly :( Like I know they will be okay eventually but I hate that Adam would think Ronan didn’t choose him and I also wanted to ask your opinion on this: I know we only had an out of context line so it might not be what we imagine exactly, but would you think it would be weird for Adam not to realize Ronan is going through something and needs help? Granted, he has every right to be angry and disappointed for Ronan’s behavior 💔

Helloooo

You're so cute omg 🥺🥺 i'm so glad that my blog brings you comfort !!

I know exactly how you feel !! It completely threw me off and made me like Not want to read the book lowkeyyyy.

However, that being said. I do have a little faith that everything will be okay. I said this in a previous post as well i really really don't think Maggie will undo everything she's built up with Adam and Ronan. It would be a huge mistake and just make no sense at all. Why spend an entire series bringing them together so beautifully just to break them down????

And if she DOES do that then ha ha jokes on her because i suggest we collectively act like the dreamer trilogy doesn't exist.

But seriously i think Adam and Ronan will be okay. I mean it's one line we have no idea what it's in reference to or what context it's said in. We can only assume or guess and of course we will assume the worst because it does sound like such a heartbreaking thing to say.

I think it is a very sticky situation they're in. But from the story so far i'm kind of on Adam's side (not that there are sides per se and that's totally NOT biased at all bc i was PISSED he didn't respond to Ronan at the end of cdth). The way I see it Ronan is a little out of control and being Very reckless and gotten himself into a huge mess kinda?? And then I mean he called and texted Adam and then threw his phone away how was Adam supposed to contact him?? He answered as soon as Ronan did call him at the end of MI so Ronan clearly misunderstood what was going on. Adam is concerned for Ronan and he never ever wanted to stop him from going after the answers he needed. He only asked him to wait for him to come back. So he could help him. I think Adam is just really hurt and confused right now. He's got his college to worry about as well that he's absolutely killed himself to get into (and Ronan knows and values this). I think if Adam knew more of what went down and had more information on the situation he would be more understanding mayhaps?? He might still disagree with the choices Ronan made. But he knows Ronan like the back of his hand. I think he just expected Ronan to respect his opinion on the matter and Ronan kind of didn't? He went along and did what he wanted to do anyway. I think thats where the problem lies. But i can't see them not getting past it.

Clearly a lot of shit is going to go down and i think we best prepare ourselves for a lot of angst and emotional drama and heartache.

Ronan and Adam are for life. They've been through hell before, they can handle anything. And they will always handle it together.

If Ronan needs him, Adam will always come.

And if i'm wrong... then clearly I have broken off into another timeline where everything is the opposite of what it should be. A thread in the multiverse that i would not care for.

#this was long #i am sorry #i didn't realise how much i had to say about it #that being said i do need to re-read both books ASAP bc i have only read them once and i'm sure i have missed loads of details #hope this makes you feel better about the book anon #trc #the dreamer trilogy #adam parrish #ronan lynch #pynch #greywaren #asks

2 notes · View notes

ghcstvalleychief · 2 years

Note

everything in ur response…yes! exactly.

and it’s like kpts also ended relatively…..decent to put it this way. everything was relatively wrapped up. and anything else could easily have fit into a side story (or more than one.) like jfc do a movie if necessary.

my petty comment however is that..hmm…would not be surprised if interest / engagement / views.. drop season 2 wise bc we all know where things are going s2 wise as stated previously and we all know the draw of the show was and is KP(MA) so without them or pushing them to the side or whatever x thing inserted here…it’s not going to be pretty sight.

also..the authors as you said. they are still here. that is still an issue. and it’s what even more annoying is that is not going to bother some people.

i am still very bothered by them and their issues actually!

and as you said urself..MA can go to higher levels and have loftier goals. i hope they do truly! (like..the movie could be an excellent way to continue that..if idk anything we knew about it. movie information…title…anything when though. promote ur leads?/?/?:? if you have any sense of entertainment industry knowledge….you would be doing THAT?????? @ boc and co.)

my last petty comment is that majority of that cast will not go to those levels. (and genuinely….half the characters are dead kpts wise so pushing the ot16 ot14 (hell…2…people at this point) is going to be .. something + their global .. kpop aspirations combination. )

KinnPorsche still belongs to Daemi, technically. There's no way they could truly boot them out of the entire project. However, if they really wanted to, Pond & BOC could have definitely started looking into a legal professional who could help them navigate a way to completely remove them from the project but they don't seem too interested in doing that either, it seems.

I don't doubt that they're going to use MA/KP to market a second season. I don't doubt they're going to use them to get people interested in a second season. What I do think is that TPTB are going to pull the old bait and switch. I'm a veteran, at this point, anon. I know all about the bait and switch. I know all about how certain shows/films are marketed in a way to entice a specific demographic only for the show/film to be about something completely different. You use these actors and characters to get this demographic to watch; but when people start tuning in, the show is actually about a completely different set of actors altogether and you're confused as to what has happened. That happens so much that I absolutely believe they would use MileApo and KinnPorsche to market the show, but the actual show content would not be centered on KinnPorsche. Even though their story is the only one that has the potential to truly be expanded upon.

I'm cynical, but my cynicism has saved me a lot of heartache and pain because people are easy to predict. When there's a pattern of things that have happened, it's fairly easy to assume what the next step will be. Just pay attention to what's going on around you. Just pay attention to what's already happening and it's obvious. MileApo's last joint event garnered 1 million tweets on Twitter and trended #1 in several different countries within a half hour (and Mile wasn't even there!) and BOC never even congratulated them. But sure, BOC is willing to do right by them, right?

#anonymous #answered asks

3 notes · View notes

novelconcepts · 3 years

Note

Hi. I don't know if you do this sort of things and it's totally cool if you don't, but i've seen quite a lot of criticism pointed towards THoBM about it being dry and too domestic, about it being a children's story and long winded and a few blatant hints at it playing to the "kill your gays" trope.

I was wondering if you can talk a little about your own take on Bly Manor and Dani and Jamie's relationship.

I personally found it beautiful and healthy and it wasn't boring or juvenile at any point during the series. I even kinda like the end (in a masocistic sort of way). I honestly think they are one of the best wlw couples portrayed on tv, let alone on netflix but i'm curious to hear what you think.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Well, in terms of the bury your gays thing, I have never felt like this falls into that trope, simply because...look, queer people are people. We’re going to get old, get sick, have mental health strain, lose our spouses before we’re ready, because that’s the nature of life. The idea that this can’t be explored in a gothic romance story, a dark tale of loss--the idea that I can’t have this emotional catharsis that reflects what my actual life might look like someday--simply because we’re queer is...complicated at best. I stand by the idea that Dani doesn’t die because she’s queer; Dani’s queerness does not define her, though it certainly informs her character and gives her story a different kind of depth. Honestly, the only way this would have felt like a BYG story to me is if Jamie had died. Which, for a minute, I did think would happen, and I thought, “Great, they did this just for the heartache to make Dani’s life worse.”

And, instead of going that route, they gave Dani a whole lifetime of being in love, being largely at peace, being allowed the agency to live the time she has left to the fullest. That’s not a queer trope, that’s a human story I wish would become a queer trope, ‘cuz lord knows we could use more of it. And they set Jamie as our narrator, our hand to hold in the dark as she leads us through the story, telling us the heart of the whole thing is her love for Dani and Dani’s love for her. I think that’s the opposite of antagonizing your queer audience. I think that’s absolutely lovely.

(I do discuss the darkness of Dani’s story and why it works for me more over here, if you’re interested.)

As for the rest of it...anyone who is complaining about this show being too dry or domestic or “childish” has already decided not to like it. The reasons for that are their own, and I’m not sure there’s a point trying to argue anybody into liking a piece of media that doesn’t suit them. Some of these people might not like the gay of it all; some just wanted more scares. The show isn’t really...designed for straight scares or straight people who just don’t “get it”, I guess. And it’s okay for not everyone to dig it, although I do find it frustrating when people just heap insults on a product because it wasn’t written “for” them.

I personally find that this show is tailor-made for me. It’s all about found family and mutual admiration and the kind of respectful, evenly-balanced romance that surpasses death. There is nothing about that I don’t love. I think Dani is an incredible, well-rounded, interesting heroine; I think Jamie is a gorgeous foil to balance her out. I think Owen is an excellent example of non-toxic masculinity, I think Hannah is gloriously elegant and brave, I think the kids are a nice spin on the usual Creepy Children trope. I don’t find any of it boring, because...it’s exactly the kind of story I prefer. I am happiest when conflict is on a human level, people working through grief and emotional baggage to come out the other side stronger. Bly delivers that.

I also am happiest with a wlw couple that is treated with love and respect, allowed to be two people falling in love and staying that way. I love that there’s no biphobia, no jealousy, no unnecessary sniping or cheating like we see in most queer lady ships on television. I love that these are two women who hold each other up, communicate, and fall in love organically. And I understand that there are people--mainly straight people, but not exclusively--who aren’t going to be into this, because they’re under the impression that there’s no intensity or interest in domestic romance. Those people ain’t me. I find nothing at all boring about a well-performed, well-written love story between two people who genuinely like and respect one another all the way through. I frankly would take that every time, if I could. There aren’t enough healthy love stories like this in the world.

But yeah, the folks who aren’t into it aren’t into it, and that’s fine. I disagree with them wholeheartedly, but that’s going to happen.

#the haunting of bly manor #the haunting of bly manor spoilers #the haunting of meta #dani x jamie #dani clayton #this is--again--not to say there aren't flaws or complaints about the story #but to say it's just a boring domestic tale that kills off a gay lady at the end is incredibly reductive #and does a disservice to all the work that team did to put it together #that part does bother me #do I love a happily ever after? absolutely #but this kind of story is so human and so real despite the ghosts (or maybe because of them)#and I think we need that too #ask

180 notes · View notes

alexhogh7137 · 3 years

Text

The Battle Between Love and Fire-

Ivar the Boneless × Reader

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Seven: "..what on earth are you doing here...?"

Word Count 2.8k

Warnings: none

A week has passed since Asta was born. Your week was hectic, painful and long but your daughter made it all a bit easier. Your people celebrated her birth with a huge feast that you attended to, of course. You remember thinking to yourself, 'now I can have some ale.' Ivar made it known that Asta was his child and everyone basked in his magnificence because he is indeed a cripple. Hvitserk bit his tongue and played along as you did the same. Ivar has his ways and it is easier to obey him than to argue and cause heartache. All you want is for Asta to be happy, that is of utmost importance. Today, you have to write to Daario Naharis. Time has slipped your mind and it has come to your attention that you have yet to write to him.

Ivar "Would you like me to take her while you write?" You look up at him, "I don't mind." He offers a smile, "I do not think that you will be able to write a proper letter with her wiggling in your arms-" you two start to giggle.

"Thank you. I won't be long." You hand her to him and he puts her on his hip.

Ivar "Take your time, my sweet. I want to spend some quality time with her." You nod, "I love you."

"And I love you." He bends down and kisses your lips before crunching his way out of the chamber doors. You sigh and stretch your arms in the air, trying to ease the soreness from holding her for so long. But you long her so much, that when she is not in your arms, you feel as if something is missing. Nonetheless, you appreciate the help from your beloved while Hvitserk is out hunting with Ubbe.

You pick up your writing instrument and began to write:

To the Commander of Wessex,

I have to apologize for not writing to you sooner, but I have some wonderful news. I am now a mother to a healthy daughter. I shall return to Wessex when she is old enough to travel with me so that my people can meet her, as well as you Naharis. I wish to hear of all the things concerning my people and their wellbeing. I hope all is well, including yourself. I am doing alright, given my circumstances during my daughter's birth but I am indeed alright. Looking forward to your letter,

Y/n Lothbrok

You stamp the letter and rise from your seat, to give this to your news carrier.

"Thank you."

He bows, "My queen." You watch him get on his horse and ride off into the distance. You look up at your dragon's, feasting on their animals and of course, fighting over the biggest carcass. You chuckled to yourself but you get startled from your name being called.

"My queen!" You turn to face the woman.

"Yes? Is something wrong?"

"No, thank the gods." You nod, "I just wanted to personally ask you if you are alright?"

"Oh yes, I am quite well."

"Are you certain, my queen?" She asked, "because you look quite exhausted.."

"Mm, the beginning stages of motherhood is not easy, madame-"

"Of course-"

"I am tired, but I am very happy."

"That is good to hear. I know of the things you went through..I only wish the best for you my queen."

"I appreciate your kind words, ma'am. Thank you."

"My pleasure. Would you like to come in?" You look where she points as she points toward her home in the village.

"Oh thank you, but I must find Ivar. He is caring for Asta while I take care of some matters."

"Oh, I see. Thank you for talking with me Y/n."

You place your hand on her shoulder, "Any time. If you need me, you know where to find me." She nods and you two part ways.

…

When you reach the throne room, you see Ivar chatting up a storm: boasting about Asta. At first, you get annoyed but then you overhear Ivar telling his people how proud he is to call her his own. Then your heart turned into mush. You make your way up to him and he notices you right away.

Ivar "My love, there you are." You sit down beside him on your throne.

"My queen, she is simply beautiful."

"Thank you. She is very-"

Ivar "Perfect. She isn't just beautiful, she is perfect. A real blessing from the gods." You smile and reach over and caress her rosy cheeks while she is still in his arms.

"I would have to agree. I am surprised that she is here." Ivar looks up at the man from looking down at Asta and makes direct eye contact.

Ivar "What did you just say?" The man gulps.

"I said that I was surprised that Asta is here..it is a real miracle."

Ivar "Are you referring to Y/n?"

"She...she went through a lot, my king. Many of us doubted that she wou-"

"I suggest you bite your tongue.." the man looks at you and takes a step back.

Ivar "Sweetheart, can you hold Asta for a moment?" You do not answer, only quickly grabbing her from his arms before he loses control. Ivar gets off of his throne and walks towards the man who was suggesting that you were weak.

Ivar "What is it? Huh..what were you all doubting?" The man did not respond out of fear. Ivar took out his dagger and grabbed the man by his throat, "What were you all doubting?"

"We did not think that she would be strong enough to deliver! Many women parish during child birth..we were expecting it." You knew that was a fact. But to hear your people think that you were too weak to survive, saddened you.

Ivar points the blade towards the man's eye, "How dare you, huh?! How dare you question my wife?"

"We were wrong, she was strong-"

Ivar "That should never be questioned, she is your queen!" The man nods, "Look at her," the man looks at you, "that woman right there, is stronger than any woman that you could ever meet. Do not ever question her strength."

"Ivar, just let him go-"

Ubbe "What is going on in here, aye?!" Hvitserk and Ubbe come into the building from a successful hunt.

"Just having a discussion, Ubbe."

"I shouldn't have said anything-"

Hvitserk "You said what?"

"I told the Ivar.. that Asta is a miracle child."

Hvitserk "She is-"

Ivar "He said that he amongst others have doubted Y/n's ability to have her." Hvitserk's jaw clenches immediately.

Hvitserk "Is that so?" The man does not respond. "Well she proved you all wrong, did she not?"

"Yes, yes of course! My queen, you have my full respect."

"If you'll excuse me." You walk out of the room and into your daughter's nursery. You place her down into her bassinet. She coos and reaches for you, so you lean down and kiss her entire face.

"My sweet Asta, sleep now." You watch her close her beautiful eyes and fall into a light slumber. You sigh when it is silent in the room. Reflecting on your life, who you are and what you have become as a person, as a woman. In everyone else's eyes, you have achieved it all: you've won battles, you overthrown your father and took back your kingdom, you are married and now have a daughter. To you, you feel lucky and blessed but at the same time, you feel lost. If Ivar's people loved and respected you like they should, then you would feel wanted here in Kattegat. But today, that feeling is nonexistent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wessex England a day later..

Daario has been working nonstop: making absolute sure that the people of Wessex are safe, fed and doing their duties. Helga has been working as well, and keeping Daario company.

Daario "Helga.."

Helga "Yes?"

Daario "Have you heard any news from Y/n?"

Helga sighs, "I'm afraid not." He hangs his head, "I am sure that she is fine, Naharis."

Daario "She didn't look good Helga. You saw her when she left."

Helga "She was in labor, Daario. It is very painful-"

Daario "I know that. But she fell-"

Helga "What? Why was I not informed of this-"

Daario "It slipped my mind. All I cared about was her, not informing her people." She nods, "But yes, she fell. Not too long before she went into active labor-"

Helga "Well that makes sense now. If something happens to the mother when she is that far along during her pregnancy, that can cause the child to come quicker. Much quicker."

Daario "I just hope that she is alright. She has gone through too much Helga, she can't be gone now. She can't be." Helga takes a rapid and deep breath, "She fought too long and too hard to lose her battle now. Especially right when her life got brighter with this miracle child."

Helga "I don't think that she is gone. If she was, I would be able to tell."

Daario looks up at her glaring at the floor, "What? How?"

Helga "She is like a daughter to me Daario. If she was gone, I would just know." He sighs and looks back down to the floor.

Daario "Helga, could you leave me for a moment? I would like to pray in peace please." He says standing up.

Helga "Of course sir." She walks out of the door, closing it behind her. He wipes a stray tear that has fallen on to his cheek from the sense of fear of losing you. So he gets down on his knees, in front of a cross that he has hung up on his wall in his chambers and prays.

Daario "Please Lord, be with Y/n. I have not heard from her in days, and I cannot stop worrying, my Lord. Be with her and keep her strong. If her child is in this world, keep her safe and strong as well, my Lord. Be with them all, keep them safe and...alive. In Jesus's name I pray, amen." As he stood up, he got a knock on his door.

Daario sighs, "Yes?"

"A letter, sir." He rushes over to the man and grabs the letter from his hands. He breathes out loudly when he sees your name on the envelope.

Daario "Thank you, you may go." Once the man leaves, he looks up and whispers, "well that was fast."

After he read your letter, he wanted to travel to Kattegat to see you and the baby. He did not know how he would be able to do so, but he did not quite care about anything else but you and the child. So he left Helga in charge and set off to Kattegat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is now nightfall in Kattegat and things are happy as can be. Hvitserk has been spending quality time with Asta all day and Ivar has been spending quality time with you. Ubbe and Torvi have been spoiling Asta and she's only a few days old. It has been joyus to say the least.

Ivar "How is she doing huh?" He asks his brother once he sits down next to him.

Hvitserk "Y/n or Asta?"

Ivar "Asta, of course."

Hvitserk "She's perfect."

Ivar "Yes, she is." He looks at you holding her while talking to Torvi. "They both are true perfection."

Hvitserk "Yes they are. And yet we are the lucky one aye?" He says, nudging Ivar.

Ivar chuckles but it soon fades when he hears the gates to his kingdom opening.

Ivar "Did you just hear-"

Hvitserk "The gates? Yes, I did."

Ivar "We are not expecting anyone.." You see the double doors opening and your grip on your daughter tightens. You did not expect to see the man come through the door that did.

Daario "King Ivar-"

"Naharis?!" His eyes met yours and his expression turned to pure joy. He sees the beautiful daughter in your arm's.

Daario "Y/n!"

"What on earth are you doing here?! My kingdom-"

Daario "Is in good hands."

"Who's hands?!"

Daario "Helga's."

"An old woman." You look at Ivar in complete disbelief. Ivar's eyebrows scrunch down to his eyes and his mouth is closed tightly. "So you are telling me, that you left my kingdom, which is filled with women..in an old woman's care?"

Daario "I had to see you."

"I told you when I left, that I would come to you. I left you in charge of my people for a reason. I did not want you to leave Wessex!"

Daario "I'm sorry, I-"

"Torvi, give her to Hvitserk please." She takes Asta from your arms and walks Asta to Hvitserk and you slap Daario in the mouth. Ivar immediately tenses every muscle in his body.

"How dare you defy me!"

Daario "I did no such thing."

"You left my kingdom, when I told you not to! You are in charge because you are capable, Helga is in no way capable of keeping my people safe."

Daario "I just had to see you. I was worried about you."

"I appreciate your concern Naharis, but I sent you a letter."

Daario "I wanted to meet her.." you realize that fighting with him is no use. You can't do anything about his actions now. All you can do is pray to the gods that nothing bad happens.

"Fine, come with me." You walk towards Ivar and Hvitserk, who are sitting next to each other. "Her name is Asta."

Daario "Wow..she is beautiful."

"Thank you."

Daario "May I hold her?"

Ivar "I don't think so."

Daario "Why not?"

Ivar "Because I said no, so the answer is no. You came here..into my kingdom, unannounced, at night, and thinking that you can hold my daughter?" Daario takes a step back, "I don't think that you are in the position to do so."

Daario "I shouldn't have come here."

Ivar "No, you shouldn't have. But nonetheless, you are here..hmm?" He nods, "And you came all this way to..what exactly?"

Daario "Check on Y/n, make sure that she was safe, and okay after having Asta."

Ivar "You came here to make sure that she was safe..in her own home? Did I hear that correctly, Hvitserk?"

Hvitserk "You did, my brother."

Ivar "mm."

Daario "She is my queen and I was worried about her. She did not look very well when she left, and she wrote in her letter that there were complications during Asta's..arrival and I came here to make sure that she was indeed alright."

"I understand your worry, but I wrote to you that I was okay. You did not have to come."

Daario "No one has to do anything Y/n. It's what feels right in their hearts is what they end up doin-"

Ubbe "You have got to be joking, aye?" He said coming inside from checking on the village. "What are you doing here?!"

Daario "I came to check on her."

Ubbe "Y/n or Asta?"

Daario "Both, I suppose."

Ubbe "Y/n wrote to you, no?" He said, taking a bite of food.

Daario "Yes but I wanted to meet her daughter."

Ivar "Why did you want to meet her so badly, huh?" He said, getting up from his seat and walking towards him. "It couldn't wait until she got back to Wessex?"

Daario "I acted too quickly. I should go."

"You can stay the night here, but must leave by morning. Wessex is unsafe while you are here. I cannot allow you to stay longer than the night."

Daario "I accept that. And I appreciate that. I am sorry for coming."

"I am not mad at you, I am upset about the fact that at any given moment, I can lose my kingdom and my people. I fought too long and too hard to lose it now."

Ivar "You won't, my sweet."

"Well, if I do, you will lose your life..are we clear?"

Daario "Yes, my queen."

"Good, my maiden will find you a room." He thanks you and walks off. You sit down on Ivar's lap and sighed, "Well, we were having a peaceful day."

Ivar "We still are-"

"No we are not."

Ivar "Think of it this way, if anything were to happen, we can use his body as a sacrifice to the gods huh?!" He says in a high pitched voice to add drama, making you laugh.

"But I would lose it all, and my people."

Ivar "I think that you are forgetting that these are your people, my love. Everything I have is yours."

"I love you."

Ivar "I love you most."

@hvitserkmarcosource @youbloodymadgenius @ivarsgoddess @heavenly1927 @saldelys @krissydclayton93 @conaionaru

#the battle between love and fire #alex hogh andersen #vikings #hvitserk #ivar the boneless #marco ilsø #ubbe lothbrok #hvitserk lothbrok #ivar lothbrok #torvi vikings

31 notes · View notes

ma-gic-gay · 3 years

Note

TW: kidnapping (mentions), murder (mentioned, not gone into detail of), torture (again, just mentioned, not gone into detail of), sexual assault, hospital

He kissed her. With his crusty ass, never before heard of Chapstick, lips, he kissed her.

Oh, if only murder was legal.

"I'm so sorry he did that to you, Carly," he says, hugging her closer to him. "If I could, I'd kill him right now. I promise you. And I promise you, he will never be able to get near you or hurt you again. As long as I'm alive."

His blood boils as she continues, "I'm not sure if I can stand. He kicked me with steel toed boots."

How the fuck does someone feel like doing that? How does one get inspired to rape someone, to do something like this, traumatize them so severely?

"Do you want me to carry you out and into my car?" Jason offers and she nods, so that's what they do. The pair earn a few glances but everyone can sense he's not in the mood for questions, whatsoever, so no one asks any and they get into his car.

"Chase, he's going to ask me to recount what happened, right? Leave no detail out?"

"You won't have to answer any question that makes you uncomfortable or that you don't want to. Just tell me you don't want to answer it and he'll move on. I'll make him."

"You're not looking me in the eye," she notes. "Why not?"

"I don't know," he answers truthfully.

"Look me in the eye, Jason, and tell me everything's going to be okay," Carly requests and he does. He finally looks her in the eyes and it fills him with sadness and love and anger. Sadness because she's crying and because he can see the marks where she was slapped, where she was injured, where the duct tape was. Love because, well, that's just how they always are. Anger because of what Cyrus did to her. How Cyrus hurt her and only got mad he was caught. How much worse it could've been for her.

"Everything's going to be okay," he says, for both of their sakes before putting the seatbelt over himself and driving to the hospital. Yet again, he says screw you to traffic signs and speeds; she's clearly in bad shape.

Oh, Cyrus is going to die. Whether it be by his gun (preferable), or by someone else's, that bastard is going to die for doing this to her.

They get into GH, him carrying her still, and encounter Elizabeth. Hopefully Carly's not in the mood for a fight. "Jason? Carly? What's wrong?"

"Oh, I'm fine and dandy, Elizabeth. Just wanted to see your smiling face," Carly says sarcastically. Looks like she's still in the mood for a fight, even traumatized. "Can we get an ER bed for me and a doctor?"

"Yeah, sure," the younger agrees, leading them to a bed. "What kind of doctor do you need?"

"Just get me Dr. Finn. And Britt, god help me," the blonde instructs and Elizabeth's eyes widen. She knows. "What are you staring at, Lizzie?"

Scoffing, Elizabeth leaves before fighting her. Thank god. This would be a really fucking inconvenient time for it. She'd definitely lash out and say something stupid. "I know, I know, I shouldn't have picked a fight. Just couldn't resist."

"Well, the fight didn't happen, so you're good on that front," Jason half chuckles, putting her down on the bed carefully.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing, just worried about you."

"Every time I close my eyes, it's like I'm back in that room and Cyrus is making out with me all over again and I felt so disgusted but he looked like he was having fun. Like I was a prize he had won, or like he was getting joy out of kidnapping me, like raping me would be the most fun he'd had in years," Carly says, sobbing almost silently through her words.. "And I can feel his lips against mine and it makes me sick because I don't want him within 100 feet of me, forget about kissing me."

"If I could, I would take this away from you. The pain and the everything you're going through. You don't deserve this," he informs her, brushing away her tears with his fingertips.

Anger and heartache are all he feels right now, seeing the normally so strong and passionate woman beside him breaking down and in pain. It's a painful thing for him to watch, even more painful for him to know Cyrus is going to probably live. Sadly. Sick bastard will probably not even be put in solitary.

He can't push down his emotions today, not with this. It's not great, but at the same time, it's not the worst.

"His lips were so crusty," she describes. "Like he'd never heard of Chapstick in his life. He clearly liked me, I could tell that, but he started stripping me while he was kissing me and I kept saying no, I tried to pull him off of me, but I wasn't able to. After he called you, it only got worse. It was like he was obsessed with me or something and so he kept going on and on about how I was his or whatever, how you would die if you tried to save me. That part scared me more than what he was doing, that he thought he was going to kill you."

"He wasn't able to. He won't be able to kill me, or live a life out of a solitary confinement maximum security prison ever. I promise you," Jason swears and she smiles.

"It felt like I was going to die there. Like the world was ending and I'd never get to see anyone I cared about again. I'd never get to get into another fight, or hug you again, or do something stupid and impulsive that you'd have to fix," Carly sobs quietly, "and I hated that thought. I know you don't like it when I do stupid things," he nods his agreement, smiling slightly, "but we all know that I'll do it again. And I, I kept thinking about you and the kids. Donna shouldn't grow up without a mother and I can't leave the rest of them without one. I thought about how you said you couldn't live with yourself if he killed me and how I wouldn't want you to suffer."

"We don't need to think like that, Carly. We're alive."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't think I'm able to close my eyes or stop talking because I feel like he's kissing me again and I'm in that room again. Not to mention, it killed the good memories we have in that room," she says and he pulls her in for yet another hug.

She, however, has a different idea and kisses him. Confused, he kisses back. No clue what inspired that, but now they're kissing. Again.

"Mr. Morgan, Mrs. Corinthos, would now be a good time for questioning?" Chase asks, awkwardly shifting his weight.

"Yeah, as good a time as any," Carly agrees as they abruptly end the kiss.

They've got to talk about that later.

"Alright, great. So, Mrs. Corinthos, where were you when you were kidnapped?"

"The Metro Court. I had been called in because we were sort a staff member and so I filled in. I was on my way out when I was kidnapped."

"And how exactly were you taken?"

"Against my will," she cracks, "by some dude who grabbed me and gagged me before putting me in the back of his truck."

That dude is dying too, the second Jason sees him.

"When you got there, did you know that Cyrus had taken you?"

"I figured."

"Did Cyrus assault you?"

"Yes. He, um, he slapped me across the face repeatedly because I rejected his advances and kicked me with boots," Carly says, beginning to sob again. "And if you're asking for sexually, yes. He kissed me, made out with me, and tried to have sex with me, after I said no, after I'd told him to get off of me. He jacked off in front of me with his hands and managed to get one of his fingers in me too. Cyrus stripped me down to my underwear and was probably going to take that off when Jason showed up."

Bastard, he thinks while even Jason is tearing up. It takes a lot to make him cry, much less she'd a tear, so everyone in the room can sense just how serious it is.

"Mrs. Corinthos, can you please describe what you went through to me, in detail?"

"Didn't I just do that?" Carly scoffs before whispering, "I can't answer this, I can't relive this. Not right now, at least. I just can't."

"It's best if we-"

"She said she can't relive it right now. Can you blame her?" Jason asks, glaring at Chase. "Move onto your next question, detective."

"That's really it. You two enjoy your evening. I'll be in touch soon."

Chase leaves and Carly breaks down again, sobbing loudly and worrying him even more than he's already worried for her. Which is really saying something, considering that he's about as worried as one can get.

Finn enters, with Britt not far behind him. "Sorry we took so long, I see my idiot brother pushed you too far. I'm sorry for him," Finn greets, earning a smile out of them all.

"Thanks," Carly accepts before changing the topic to medical things. "My legs are killing me, and I'm in physical pain practically everywhere. Cyrus slapped me, kicked me, punched me everywhere he could find skin. He, uh, he also jerked himself off in front of me and then managed to get a finger inside of me, so I need to make absolutely sure I'm not pregnant."

Everyone does a double take at that, Jason's hands balling into fists. Oh, the things he's going to put Cyrus through if he ever sees the light of day again. The tortures and violent attacks and emotional turmoil.

He's not a bad person, but he is fantasizing about killing one.

At the same time, right now, Carly needs him. More than anything, that's what she needs right now. And if she needs him, he's there for her.

"Alright. Well, do you mind if we take you up for some x-ray's? It'll only be for a few minutes and if you like, we can sedate you," Finn offers. "So you can sleep without dreaming of what just happened to you."

"If you want to be sedated, I can run all my tests while you are," Britt offers. "They're non-invasive, but it's always an option."

"Jason, what do you think?"

"If I were you, I'd go with the sedation," he offers up his advice.

"I'll take the sedative then, please."

They agree and have her sign some medical consent form before administering the sedative and taking her up for her exams.

Which leaves Jason alone with all the time until the sedative wears off, which he's been informed is two hours, to think and plan and think some more.

He should probably call her kids, let them know what's going on, but he's not sure if that's what she'd want right now.

So he doesn't, and he simply sits and thinks.

To be continued later in life when I'm not sleep deprived (well lol we can hope so it'll be continued tomorrow)

._.

#murder tw #sex tw #hospital tw #tw: kidnap mention

4 notes · View notes

msjr0119 · 5 years

Text

Love, Fate, Destiny

Part 9- Walk away

Riley Brooks is a waitress in a ‘Dive bar” in New York. One Saturday night, her past comes back to haunt her as some unfamiliar punters enter her bar on a bachelor party- one of them being someone who she was once close to.

*CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY*

Tags- @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012

******

It had been nine months since the social season was in Lythikos. There had been drama, tears, heartbreak and love.

Six months ago Liam married Olivia in an elaborate royal wedding against his father’s wishes. Everyone was pleased and happy for the new king as he could marry for love. Olivia took on her new roles and responsibilities with perfection- she was a natural which shocked most people. Madeleine had attempted to jeopardise the remaining of the social season in order to win the crown again. However she failed yet again, she was humiliated again, she was hated even more due to her meddling.

It was nine months since Riley abruptly left without informing anyone. Leaving not only made her heartbroken but also Drake. She was a hypocrite. She always blamed Drake for disappearing all those years ago- but then she did exactly the same.

It was the day of the Royal Regetta, Riley and Drake had tried to keep their distance from each other. Not wanting to cause a scandal due to Maxwell nearly giving their secret away in the Lythikos wine cellar. King Constantine had informed the press that he was abdicating the throne and that Liam would become King sooner rather than later.

Maxwell had used the excuse that they didn’t have any funds to hire a crew for House Beaumont’s boat- hiring Drake was a cunning plan to get the two love birds some alone time away from prying eyes. The trio had won the race surprisingly- Olivia wasn’t too thrilled but accepted that she wasn’t the Queen of everything.

After the race the suitors joined Olivia on her over-elaborate, luxurious yacht- there was champagne and wine from different regions of France- as well as canopies that were influenced by the Mediterranean. Madeleine made a beeline for Riley and Hana along with Kiara.

“Lady Riley, I must congratulate you. I notice that yourself and the commoner are quite close.”

“We are just friends Countess.”

“Well make sure it stays that way! Lady Kiara was his first love, I’m sure Duchess Olivia has informed you about that at the derby.”

“Yes, she did. Why would you be reiterating this fact? Why does it matter to me?” Riley discreetly grit her teeth, annoyed at Madeleine enjoying making everyone’s life hell.

“Oh it doesn’t matter to you. I’m just informing you. Did you know that Lady Kiara and Drake caused quite a scandal when they were 15?”

“Maddy please!” Kiara pleaded, whilst Riley and Hana looked bewildered- wondering if they needed to find some popcorn to eat whilst Madeleine stirred irrelevant information- doing her forte, creating drama.

“Why Kiara? You and Drake were once a family. It’s such a shame that you were forced to abort your baby.”

Riley stood frozen, feeling like she was about to hyperventilate. Why wouldn’t Drake inform her about this? He said he wanted to marry her but couldn’t tell her that he would have been a father. Hana gulped hard, before dragging Riley away. That was the last time they all saw Riley Brooks.

*****

Riley packed her bags immediately once arriving back at the palace, deciding to leave her close friends a note each- including Drake. Leaving the only man she had truly ever loved. She had text him asking if the rumours were true regarding his and Kiara’s past - he denied it. Asking everyone else for reassurance - they all confirmed that Madeleine was speaking the truth. Now believing she couldn’t trust Drake- she regretting abandoning her live in New York.

Sneaking out of the palace, she wasn’t sure where she was going. What she was going to do with her life. All she knew was that this short time in Cordonia would need to be erased from her mind.

I tell myself, this time it's different.

No goodbyes, cause eyes can't bear to see it.

I'll never survive on one that's coming.

If I stay, ooh no!

Just walk away! Oh, and don't look back

Cause if my heart breaks, it's gonna hurt so bad

You know I'm strong, but I can't take that

Before It's too late, oh, just walk away!

Riley didn’t want anymore unexpected surprises to occur in the future- causing more heartache, deciding to leave would be devastating for both her and Drake but it was her only option. The fact that he had impregnated Kiara was a shock- but the fact he lied about it made her original undecided decision now clear.

******

Liam all those months ago felt as if he was the tip of the iceberg for Riley’s departure. The last night in Lythikos, she had met him in his grand suite. Unknowingly to him, she agreed to do this with Drake and Maxwell to use Liam as an alibi in case Maddy and Kiara did in fact witness Drake and Riley in the wine cellar. She seemed shaken when she arrived at the suite, he had just assumed it was due to being with him alone. He tested the water and kissed her unexpectedly- resulting in a stinging slap on his cheek. It wasn’t until a few days later that Olivia explained why Riley had quite possibly left Cordonia- Kiara’s abortion.

On many occasions Liam had travelled to New York with his friends to attempt to find Riley and bring her back to Drake. They all tried to ring her, text her, contact her on social media- but there was no response. It was as if Riley Brooks was non-existent. After many failed attempts they could never find her. Finding Daniel and Lola the two refused to tell the friends any information regarding her- much to everyone’s annoyance. Feeling frustrated every time they returned to Cordonia without her, they saw Drake’s face sink- he was heartbroken all over again. During arguments he blamed Liam constantly for bringing her here in the first place- why he couldn’t drag her out of the masquerade ball to save her and save their relationship will always haunt him- and will be one of the biggest regrets of his life.

Working late at night, catching up on paperwork- Liam felt his eyes feel heavier with every second that went by. The scotch was previously preventing him face planting his desk. A sudden sharp knock at the door, surely woke him up slightly.

“Come in.”

“Sorry to disturb you, your Majesty.” Liam fixed his facial expression for his guard.

“It’s alright Bast. What can I help you with?”

“It’s what I can help you with, Sir. After lots of research, we believe....”

“You believe what? Just tell me Bast!” Liam snapped before shortly apologising for his short temper.

“We may have some links on Lady Riley. She has a new Instagram page - Rileyj1. We remained searching everything to do with Riley, Brooks, New York. Things that would make sense- anything to find her. After more research, we discovered that her mother’s maiden name was Johnson. Assuming that’s why there’s a ‘J’ in her username, she has most likely changed her name to this also.”

“Do you have any links as to where she may be? Does Drake know?” Liam pinched the bridge of his nose, not knowing what to do. Drake had been an alcoholic mess the last nine months- shutting everybody and everything out.

“According to the page, she spends most of her time in New York and Jersey. No we haven’t informed him.. although we are struggling to interpret her latest post. We may have to inform Drake?”

Liam looked bewildered at Bastien, picking up the bottle of scotch he shook it- to see how much remained. He had a feeling he may need some more scotch to recover from the words that Bastien was possibly about to speak. He couldn’t understand why an Instagram post would make all the difference if they inform Drake with information regarding the love of his life. Bastien asked if Liam would like to view the post and comments- Liam nodded, his heart was beating ten to the dozen, not knowing what exactly to expect. Gasping, his baby blues widened, his jaw was agape and could quite possibly stay in that position.

Yankee2018- Aw Riley, she’s absolutely gorgeous! Congrats guys!

Lolahughes- @yankee2018 She’s like a doll...🥰 love ya chick! Need to meet up soon haven’t seen ya in forever! #schoolreunionasap

DanielMitchell- Don’t drop her! I know how you loved to drop glasses and plates in your waitressing days 🤣..Only joking... 😜

Bethanyhughes- We must all meet up soon? 🍾 #proudauntiebeth

Bigapple123- Ri holding a baby? I never thought I’d see the day 😆, you wouldn’t even hold my children. Only joking cuz! Love ya 😘

Liam didn’t want to read anymore comments, Riley looked beautiful and she was smiling. It was a genuine smile. Reading the comments, he because frustrated and angry with Lola and Daniel- it was written in black and white, it was photographic evidence that they had been in touch with Riley this whole time. Liam’s mind was working out the dates- a pregnancy lasts nine months, nine months ago we were in Lythikos... did Drake and Riley? Shit!

“Bastien! Get the royal jet ready. Tomorrow- everyone is taking a trip to the states and we are not leaving until we find her!”

#theroyalromance #choices trr #riley brooks #drakewalker #liam rhys #hanalee #maxwell beaumont #trr bastien #trr kiara #trr madeleine #trr lovefatedestiny

19 notes · View notes

cricket-and-merry · 4 years

Text

Merry's Thoughts: Mean Snape

As much as I love Snape from the very bottom of my lil Slytherin heart... Let's be real. He's a massive prick.

Maybe this is a controversial statement? But I've spent literally over a decade (!!! where has the time gone) thinking about & developing headcanons for Severus Snape, and I know for a fact that if I met him in real life he'd come off as a huge asshole, and he'd probably be perfectly content to pretend I don't exist.

From my perspective, writing Snape is interesting because I really do have to get into this headspace where I'm critical of everything. Literally everything. There's a nihilism at the heart of him that informs his every action. Tradition? Ugh. Social norms? Shallow. Politeness? Pointless. Hope for the future? We don't know her.

He just doesn't enjoy life, in general. Even people/things he does like are subject to his scrutiny & disdain from time to time. And while that can be interesting to write about, that level of cynicism in a person just creates... pain. Severus Snape is a deeply unhappy man who finds fault with everything and everyone. Not just people he hates, but even those he likes or respects. Even you and me.

Even himself.

And it's in that mental environment that he somehow manages to pick himself up and fight for the greater good, despite not feeling like the world he's preserving has a place for him at all. That's what makes him a heroic figure-- Not the manner of his death, but the fact that he willingly dedicated his life to a thankless cause for no other reason than it was the right thing to do. Say what you will about his attachment to Lily, but by the time he made this decision she was dead and gone: meaning he stood to gain absolutely nothing from this arrangement. Defecting from the Death Eaters was a death sentence, but he went to Dumbledore not to ask for forgiveness, but to ask for a second chance to right the wrongs he had done. This man had endured heartache, tragedy, abuse and vitriol for the entirety of his life both before and after this critical choice, and yet... He still pressed on.

But, I fell in love with Severus Snape because I was interested in why he became the sort of man he was, not because I found absolutely everything about him to be admirable. And a lot of my headcanons with Cricket are related to the origins of this man's bitterness, and the work he would have to do to improve himself. A change of job or scenery won't do the trick; he'll be just as bitter elsewhere because his circumstances aren't the reason for his unhappiness, they're just a side effect. He hurts people because he's been hurt. That nasty streak of his may have been taught -- he wasn't born bad -- but that doesn't change the harm he's caused with it, and it certainly doesn't shift blame. If Snape had outlived Voldemort, he'd still have a lot of work to do to make up for the damage he's done.

It's that very aspect of him that I find most fascinating. Not his wit and sarcasm, not his intellect and magical prowess, not his determination to protect a boy he hates, not his petty and vindictive demeanor, not his ability to love, not his stern pride nor his flair for the dramatic. But the simple fact that this man who embodies all those things and more, a man who has grown weary of life's many artifices and senseless tragedies, still retains the strength and courage to change for the better.

And, honestly, that's someone I'd like to meet.

... Even if the feeling isn't mutual, haha.

#merry #snape feels #LOTS OF EM #snape #merry's thoughts

9 notes · View notes

dmhp2014 · 5 years

Text

Inescapable Chapter 18!

(Final Chapter of Part 1) Complete

Excerpt:

"Do you ever wonder what your life could have been like if one little thing had happened differently?" Hermione blinked, surprised by the turn in the conversation, but she closed her mouth and listened. "A discussion, maybe? Or a first-time introduction? Perhaps it was something that happened before you were even born, yet because of it - this event, discussion, decision, whatever it may be - your life was firmly set on a specific path, a path that you had no say or control over. And you don't question it, not at first, because why would you? You don't know any better. You were told one thing and you believed it as the absolute truth," he paused, tone quiet and wistful. "When you think about it, it doesn't seem very fair, does it? That your life is pretty much decided for you before you even take your first breath."

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13317888/chapters/47824024

FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12792239/18/Inescapable

I can’t believe part 1 is finally finished! 🥳 It feels great. I’m sorry this chapter took so long, it’s 27,000 words and on top of that I deleted close to 12,000 words 😳 - I was very hard on myself. I wanted it to be absolutely perfect, as always, but more so with it being the final chapter. I really hope you enjoy it, so much happens - big conversations, big revelations, confessions, secrets, sex, heartache, death... it’s got it all 😃. Thank you all so much for coming on this journey with me, I appreciate every single one of you ❤️🤗.

Please note that part 2 will be posted separately - there’s more information at the end of the chapter in the Author’s notes. Part 2 is called ‘Inevitable’ and the first chapter will be posted soon ☺️. I hope you continue this journey with me. Big love and hugs xoxo

#inescapable #dmhp2014 #dramione #romance #angst #6th year #war #hogwarts #Draco Malfoy #Hermione Granger #fanfic #slytherin #part 1 complete

7 notes · View notes

austenpoppy · 5 years

Text

Mental Torture in the wizarding world (2.1)

Please read "Mental Torture in the wizarding world (1) first.

2. The locket

Aaaaaaah, the locket. The. Locket. THIS FUCKING BLOODY LOCKET.

Sorry, I really need to express myself a minute before I return to the - slightly - more detached tone I have used before.

It has been the beginning on my research on mental torture. The scene in The Silver Doe is absolutely heartbreaking and has been the cause of many heartaches and sobs on my part. (I HATE this locket)

I couldn't place my finger on it the first time I read it, but something made me uneasy. As if I was witnessing something that went beyond the usual suffering the characters have to bear in the series. It was close to the feeling I had when I read Harry' physical's torture scene in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but much, much stronger.

What striked, upset and unnerved me is that Ron was utterly broken afterwards. He was at his most vulnerable (I hadn't read "Malfoy Manor" yet and even today I can't decide which was worst for him - he would probably say Malfoy Manor because it involved the suffering of the woman he loved, but it is Ron, so I am not even sure he considers his suffering worth anything). What we witnessed in this chapter was the total humiliation, anguish and self-loathing of a teenager, said self-loathing used against him to make him suffer more.

The "nothing" repeated several times by Voldemort has been a stab in my heart. Some teenagers committed suicide for things like that. The whole and unique point of the passage was to hurt Ron so much that his resistance would be broken. So he would not destroy the locket, and he would either kill himself or kill Harry (and probably kill himself afterwards).

He was so hurt that he was on the verge of being possessed by his torturer - let's use this word from now on. Actually, recalling the red glimmer in Ron's eyes, he has been possessed one second. He was going to surrender to his torturer and do anything to make the pain end. Useless to say that the torturer probably told him that the only means of making the pain end was to kill Harry. And Ron... did not do it. He returned his pain against his torturer. Out of love. Out of will. Out of sheer courage.

It is the level of pain Ron seems to have went through which made me wonder if there was a better word than humiliation or abuse to call what happened in this passage. Immediately the idea of torture sprang to my mind, and I began looking for information.

I am absolutely disgusted and revolted by everything I read on the subject. Even more so, if possible, by the fact that it is commonly overlooked as if it did not mean anything, as if the pain the concerned people went through was nothing.

The studies I read strenghtened my belief that Ron has been mentally tortured by the locket, and so much that I consider now that anything locket-related is solely to blame on said locket. I grind my teeth every time someone only blames Ron for leaving or for anything locket-related. It really makes me furious.

I have also considered the possibility that Harry has been mentally tortured by the Horcrux too, because some elements really match the description, but for one reason that I will explain later, I don't think it can be called torture.

We have to be aware of the fact that the story is told through Harry's eyes, that we don't know everything and that we can only analyse things distorted by his perception. That said, I do believe we can come to a conclusion concerning the locket and what he has done to Ron.

The first thing you will have to remember from now on is that the locket was not an object. It had the appearance of an object, yes, but it contained a portion of Voldemort's soul. The trio could feel a pulse in the Horcrux (p.224), the Horcrux could defend himself and even kill, and it could humiliate, talk, show images, possess. In other words, the Horcrux used any weapon he had at his disposal to remain safe and alive. And maybe achieve his goal : destroying Harry Potter.

It would be a real mistake to say that what Ron suffered was self-induced, because Ron makes the disticinction himself : "it affects me worse than it affected you and Hermione, it made me think stuff, stuff I was thinking anyway, but it made everything worse" In the contrary of Harry, Ron outwardly distinguishes an external force and is aware of its presence which makes "everything worse".

I will begin by analysing the effects the Horcrux had on Ron.

When Ron is confronted to the Horcrux again, when Harry tells him he has to affront the Horcrux, his reaction is similar to Hagrid's in The Prisoner of Azkaban : he displays an abnormal level of anxiety. He is terrified to what is nothing more to them than "a thing", "this thing".

This should be a real trigger to a deeper questioning. Ron, around the locket, acts completely differently than the way he usually does. He is almost another person. Just think about this scene, just this scene : Ron, the same Ron who stood up on a broken leg (and had his arm bitten) to tell a thought mass murderer he had seen with a knive above his bed that he would have to kill him to kill his best mate, backs away from a locket when he has to destroy it.

Now I want to quote different studies having gone in depth into the nature of mental torture and its effects.

Mental Torture: A Critique of Erasures in U.S. Law by Henry Schue and David Luban

"The forms it takes are hardly mysterious, and we can describe them in everyday language as well as psychiatric categories: despair, loneliness, disorientation, terror, depression, confusion, claustrophobia, anxiety, loss of personality."

"This recognition that profound disruption of the senses or the personality is a significant mental harm."

"But the fear of a depleted pension is nothing to the fear that one’s own self will be undermined so that one will not retain even the underlying psychological integrity necessary for having desires and beliefs that are one’s own, much less the psychological capacity (the agency) to act effectively on them -- that one will be returned to the infantile state of being an uncoordinated bundle of desires and fears with no integral self to organize them."

"...undermine his sense of self, his sense of being anautonomous agent who could have and act on his own belief."

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/64636.php

"The results showed that physical torture was on a par with psychological torture in terms of impact on fear, feelings of helplessness, loss of control and anxiety."

Les pires cicatrices ne sont pas toujours physiques : la torture psychologique by Hernán Reyes (The worst scars are not always physical : mental torture)

It was written in french, I needed to translate.

"It has been proved that the use of different forms of humiliation, of degrading treatment, of threats, of hunger and cold, of isolation and of other psychological methods (...) cause "persistant and paranoid anxieties" which appear in specific situations; nightmares of being persecuted, mood disorders, suicidal tendencies, and the loss of self-esteem"

"The use of those methods leads the detainees to feel responsible of what is happening to them in many ways, induces feelings of shame, culpability, deep sadness, and of intense humiliation. From a more clinical point of view, the victims of mental torture have symptoms associated with anwiety disorders. The symptoms which have been described cause without any doubt a disruption of senses and personality, as the charity "PHR" has mentioned"

the revival of the trauma (flash back, nightmares, reactions of stress, distrust - even towards the family members - at the limit of becoming paranoid...)

a behaviour aiming to avoid anything which might remind the torture

hyperexcitation (irritability, sleeping disorders, high vigilance, general anxiety, difficulties to concentrate)

symptoms of depression, and "depersonalisation" (atypic behaviour, feeling of being detached of one's own body.)

If I had to sum up the contents of those studies about the effects of mental torture I would make this list :

Anxiety disorders

Disruption of the senses or the personality, abnormal behaviour, and when the torture is finished disintegration of the personality

Loss of control about one's own emotions, instincts and behaviour, leading to the undermining of the sense of self

Feelings of helplessness

Confusion and disorientation

Depression with sometimes suicidal tendencies

Loneliness, despair, terror

Claustrophaubia

Mood swings and mood disorders

Loss of self-esteem

Revival of the trauma through nightmares, flash-backs, feelings of distrust and paranoïa

Behaviour aiming to avoid anything which could remind the trauma

Difficulties to concentrate

Sleeping disorders

Hyper-vigilance

Even with the few elements we dispose of, I think I can say that Ron presents most of the symptoms listed here, with of course the exception of claustrophaubia and some others we can't and won't know about because we read the story through Harry's eyes. For example, we don't know if Ron has difficulties to sleep or if he has nightmares of what the locket whispers to him.

Anxiety disorders : Look at the way Ron is utterly terrified of what looks nothing more than a simple object. He almost begs Harry to do it instead. "He looked terrified.", "backing away from the locket on the rock", "he had backed away", "shaking his head" as if to say "no, no, please no", he has troubles breathing "still breathing hard through his long nose", his voice is broken "he croaked" and he is shivering ("in his shaking hands").

During the whole ordeal, Ron is unable to move. He could put an end to his suffering, yet he seems unable to do so; he can only watch and take the blows, submissive, as if he was deprived of his own will. And he is still terrified. "mesmerised", "Ron, who looked terrified yet transfixed', "Ron did not move : his eyes were wide", "Ron's face filled with anguish", "his arms shaking".

And after... emotional breakdown. He sinks to his knees and weeps, broken. He can't control himself in front of Harry and, let's be clear, breaking down is not something Ron would want Harry to see. "Ron was breathing heavily.", "His eyes were no longer red at all, (...) they were also wet.", "The sword clanged as Ron dropped it. He had sunk to his knees, his head in his arms. He was shaking, but not, Harry realised, from cold.", "eyes bloodshot", "he said in a thick voice".

Disruption of the senses or the personality, abnormal behaviour : Was it normal for Ron to be perpetually grumpy and irritable ? No. Was it normal for Ron to leave Harry and Hermione in a moment of need ? NO. Was it normal for Ron back away from a mission needed to destroy Voldemort and practically beg Harry to do it instead ? NO ! Was it normal for Ron to look powerless and extremely vulnerable in front of a deadly enemy ? The only time it happened he was in front of an Acromentula and he is arachnophobic.

What I find particularly interesting and revealing is this commentary of Harry the night Ron left, just at the beginning of the row : "He looked mean, unlike himself." In the chapter The Goblin's revenge, Ron looks more and more resentful and angry, and in fact he comes nearer and nearer the personality Voldemort wants him to have to be able to attack the Chosen One. Ron, when he's rowing with Harry in the tent, is him and not him anymore.

Loss of control about one's own emotions, instincts and behaviour, leading to the undermining of the sense of self : When Ron describes what he went through to Harry, it seems like when Ron was wearing the locket, he was unable to control himself : "it made me think stuff, stuff I was thinking anyway, but it made everything worse, I can't explain it, and then I'd take it off and I'd get my head on straight again, and then I'd have to put the effing thing back on".

The thing is - no, taking it off didn't mean he would exactly get his head on straight again, just that it would be slightly better. When you look at the way the members of the Trio behave in this chapter, all three of them are very moody and irritable. And the effects the locket has are lingering - the doubts created in Harry's mind by the locket's manipulation remain after he takes the locket off and explode with violence the night of the row. Imagine what it was for Ron if it was this way for Harry...

During the humiliation Voldemort put him through, Ron is not in control of what happens to him - until he turns upside down the order by resisting Voldemort's possession. Voldemort was trying to take control - literally - of Ron's emotions and behaviour.

Feelings of helplessness : I think it is obvious by the way he seems to think he can't do anything against the locket. He repeats three times "I can't do it" (he even say "I can't handle it - let me cry in a corner) and twice "no!".

Depression with sometimes suicidal tendencies : Not exactly depression, the self-loathing he feels reflected through the humiliation by Voldemort mirrors a path which might have led to suicide. "You are nothing, nothing, nothing to him". If he is nothing, he is not worthy to be cared about, he is not worthy enough to be loved, he is not worthy enough to breathe. He is not worth the air he's breathing. The feeling of not existing, of wanting to disappear, of being a burden often leads some people to commit suicide.

Loneliness, despair, terror : The loneliness is here when he feels homesick. The loneliness is here when he is in the tent and feels like Harry and Hermione don't care. He distances himself from them : they become "you two" The loneliness is here when he thinks he is nothing.

Despair and terror are honestly everywhere. The terror of dying for nothing. The terror of not accomplishing the mission they have been given. The terror of being there, on the run, but not doing really anything while people are killed everyday. The terror and despair of losing his family (and Harry or Hermione) or that they will be hurt. The terror and despair the locket inspire.

Mood swings and mood disorders : "Whenever lack of food coincided with Ron's turn to wear the Horcrux, he became downright unpleasant." Ron seems unable to control his temper and his moods during the entire chapter of the Goblin's revenge.

Loss of self-esteem : If Ron had any sense of self-esteem before, it was completely shattered at the end of the Silver Doe. Just this passage is I think revealing :

"'I'm sorry,' he said in a thick voice. 'I'm sorry I left. I know I was a - a -'

He looked around at the darkness, as if hoping a bad enough word would swoop down upon him and claim him."

Feelings of distrust and paranoïa : Apart from the Goblet of Fire, Ron has always trusted Harry. He may have doubted him when he said that Draco Malfoy was a Death Eater, but the fight in Deathly Hallows is the first time Ron is so distrustful of Harry : he wonders if Harry, practically his brother, even cares about what happens to his family. Ron is also on the verge of being paranoid : he leaves Harry and Hermione five minutes, and the theory that they never cared about him nor his family and that the only thing they want is to be alone to snog is put in motion.

Granted, several factors were playing against him : the fact, of course, that he was still wearing this *censored* part of Voldemort, the fact that Harry and Hermione didn't take time to enquiry about how he was - he had just heard that his family didn't need "another kid injured" and that his sister had been sent in the Forbidden Forest. And the fact that this theory... wasn't new. Because it had already plagued the back of his mind for years and because it was linked to his crippling low self-esteem and his oldest fear - that he would never be good enough.

However, it is still quite a paranoid conclusion to have considering the relationship Harry and Ron have. This reaction can only be explained by the circonstances - granted, Ron is not rational (and I love him for that).

What I mean is that there is an atmosphere of paranoia and defiance among the three members of trio. Harry thinks Ron and Hermione whisper behind his back, don't trust him to lead them and criticize him. Hermione is lost between Ron and Harry. Ron thinks that Harry never cared about his family and that Hermione always preferred Harry, that his two best friends don't care about him at all.

Behaviour aiming to avoid anything which could remind the trauma : Ron "backs away" twice to escape the locket. He practically begs Harry to not make him destroy it, because he is terrified of what could happen, because "that thing's bad for (him)."

Difficulties to concentrate : "He did not seem to have any ideas himself, but expected Harry and Hermione to come up with plans while he sat and brooded over the low food supplies." This attitude could be the results of his hunger and his anaemia combined, of course, but I find Ron particularly helpless. Ron, who at the beginning of the book and until he got really hurt was ready to jump into action as soon as it was possible, doesn't seem to be able to do anything else than wallowing into his own thoughts.

Now about the nature of what Ron went through. I know a lot of people will say : "Are you kidding me, Poppy? Emotional abuse and psychological abuse are not called torture. You exaggerate."

First, pain, and emotional pain even more so, is subjective. I can say that the level of pain for Ron, shaking, horror-struck, terrified, anguished, breaking down, was very high in the Silver Doe.

But my real point here is that the scene of the Silver Doe was just the grand finale of a proccess which had been put in motion for a long time.

What he says in the Goblin's revenge, for example, echoes perfectly the ordeal he had had to go through weeks later : "Oh, remembered me, have you ?", "You two carry on. Don't let me spoil your fun.", "But you don't give a rat'fart, do you, it's only the Forbidden Forest, Harry I've-Faced-Worse Potter doesn't care", "I get it, you don't care", "I get it. You choose him". The fact that he thinks Harry and Hermione don't care about him or what matters to him. That they will be better off without him. The fact that he thinks he is nothing. His guilt.

And this passage is heartbreaking :

"Harry looked around. For one bewildered moment he thought that Ron had left the tent, then realised that Ron was lying in the shadow of a lower bunk, looking stony.

'Oh, remembered me, have you? he said."

Ron is alone, silent, and -oh my god - he is trying to disappear. There is nothing more than anger and pain left.

To me it's absolutely obvious that the emotional abuse he received in the Silver Doe was not the first time it happened. The problem is that emotional abuse hurting someone really badly, repeated for months, the victim having no control over it, in a closed environment (because let's face it - he couldn't avoid wearing the locket), and ending with the result we have seen above is called torture. Yes it is.

You still don't believe me ? Then let me quote you once again the studies and articles I have read :

https://www.therichest.com/rich-list/most-shocking/15-most-shocking-forms-of-psychological-torture-used-on-humans/7/?v=8

"Some of the forms of no-touch torture can include the induction of a depressive or manic state, memory erasure, electricity and shocks, fear and terror, dietary manipulation or forced sickness, sexually disturbing tailored pornography, personal and spiritual defamation, and psychological intimidation.

Such torture methods can take days or months to build up to their full capacity. Pain and fear of death are common tactics to use among interrogations, but it is often unseen pain and fear that will cause the most damage."

https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSN0535973620070306

"Researchers who studied prisoners in the former Yugoslavia reported on Monday that psychological torment and humiliation can inflict as much terror and trauma as physical torture.

As distressing as physical torture were such techniques as sham executions, threats of rape, sexual advances, humiliating treatment, sleep deprivation and witnessing the torture of others, they said.

The unpredictability and loss of control created by mental torture can produce similar levels of anxiety, fear and helplessness as physical torture and leave comparable long-term psychological scars."

#this post could be called i hate the locket #and i hate this bloody voldemort-locket #i just want to hug ron #and maybe punch voldemort once or twice #self loathing #suicide #torture #mental torture #self esteem issues

52 notes · View notes

tarotmum13 · 5 years

Text

Tarot Lessons for Beginners - Part 3

Hello my lovely students! It's your Friendly Neighbourhood Tarot-Teacher again...

Time to take our lessons to the next level. For those of you who are late to the party, here is a link to part 2, which in turn includes a link to part 1, so you can start at the beginning and study at your own pace:

https://tarotmum13.wordpress.com/2019/01/07/tarot-lessons-for-beginners-part-2/

Today we will be talking Spreads and exercises that will increase your confidence and familiarity with your cards.

One of the simplest and most helpful practices for any Tarot Reader is that of drawing a card for the day. You can use this exercise in different ways.

You can just pull one card every day that you want to study further. You can really think about all the different meanings this card can embody, Google the card to look at different artist's interpretations and different meanings attached to it, making notes of any information you find interesting or that feels true to you. This card can be drawn at any time of the day, whenever suits you most.

Or, you can pull a card in the morning, intended to represent the energy for that day, any lessons to be learned, things to watch out for etc. Then you can reflect on that card in the evening and write down how this card's energy may have been present during the day.

Or you can pull a card in the evening and try to see if this card can be used to gain further insight in the events that took place that day. There is no right or wrong way to use this exercise so go with what feels most helpful to you.

For example : My card of the day might have been the 6 of Cups - during that day I might need to get something from my Mum's attic and come accross an old box of photgraphs. Because I remember the card I pulled earlier, I decide to take this box downstairs and spend some time reminiscing with my Mum about my childhood. In the process of doing this I may feel closer to my Mum or even learn to see some of my daughter's behaviours in a different light as I am reminded of my own thoughts and feelings as a child.

It can be very helpful to keep a note of your daily draws - this can help you reflect, see patterns and even make you aware of certain Stalker Cards, cards that keep cropping up and that have a particular message or lesson for you! All through 2018 I kept getting the 4 of Swords popping up to remind me to use my energy appropriately and rest up when I could to avoid falling deeper in to the bottomless pit that is Chronic Fatigue...

At times when you want to ask the Tarot for more specific advice and guidance you may want to use a Spread. Please don't think this needs to be a complicated process with an esthetically pleasing outcome! A spread can be anything from just one or two cards, pulled with intent to answer a very specific question, to a full Celtic Cross consisting of 10 cards. You may pull as many or as few cards as you like but remember: more is not necessarily better!

The 3 card spread is one of the most versatile spreads that can be adapted to your specific needs and can give you a wealth of information! It is important when laying out a spread that you decide beforehand which questions you will ask, and which card will represent what answer. The clearer you are on this, the more informative and easy to read your answers will be! A muddled spread will lead to erratic, unhelpful replies as your cards reflect your unordered mind.

Here are some helpful subjects for your 3 card spread:

Past/Present/Future

Past Life/Current Life/Future Life

Me/Spirit Guide/How to Connect

Me/My Partner/Our Relationship

My Hopes and Dreams/How to take a step towards fulfilling them/What is Holding me back?

Weakness/Strength/Guidance

Mind/Body/Spirit

Situation/Lesson/Advice

What to Embrace/What to Let Go/What to Develop

How I see Myself/How Others See Me/Who I Truly Am

Seed/Water/Bloom

Thoughts/Words/Actions

Problem/What to Do/What not to Do

Dreams/Fears/Reality

Problem/Cause/Solution

Pro/Con/Best Action

As you can see, the possibilities are endless! If, at any time, you feel a card is not clear to you, you may pull a clarifier to receive more insight in to that particular aspect.

Another helpful thing to do is to look at the card at the bottom of your deck, known as the Shadow Card, as this card may reflect a hidden part of information, something you haven't thought of or have been ignoring but should be brought in to the light.

The best kind of questions to ask the Tarot are open-ended, empowering questions. Can you ask yes/no questions? Of course you can! But usually it will be more helpful for instance to understand WHY something is or is not going to happen and what YOU (or your querent) can do to get closer to the desired outcome. Therefore, the most helpful questions are those starting with words like Why? How? Who? What? Where? Or even When?... rather than Will I? Or Can I?

For example, asking "Will I find Love" might get a resounding "yes!" in the shape of The Sun card... but how much information does this really give you?

Had you asked "How can I open myself up to finding Love?" you may have received the Ace of Cups, telling you to make sure your Cup is full of Love for yourself first, so that you can pour from it freely and in doing so attract Love in return. Or you could ask "When will Love come in to my Life" and Tarot may show you the 3 of Swords, to let you know that you will find another love once you have given yourself the time and opportunity to heal from a previous heartache or betrayal.

The following are examples of clear, open-ended, empowering questions that will allow you to adjust your course in life and to gain a deeper understanding of how you can help yourself (or others) to get to where you want to be:

What Blessings in my life am I not seeing?

How can I move past this difficult period in my life?

What can I learn from this situation?

Where can I find the inspiration I need to complete this project?

What can I do to support my partner at this time?

Who can I turn to for help with this issue?

What is the best course of action to take at this moment in time?

Maybe you have already been practising on other people aside from yourself. Great! There is absolutely no need for you to wait until you are a proficient, confident Tarot Reader who doesn't need to glance at card meanings to interpret a Spread. As long as you are letting people know that you are still learning, it can be very helpful to get feedback from friends, family or even strangers, when you practise your reading skills.

But not everyone feels confident or has the opportunity to do this! Not to worry, you can still do readings for others. Just read for your pets! Or, pick a fictional character, from a book, film or fairytale, and do a spread for them! The great thing here is that, since you are familiar with their story, you can immediately check the accuracy of your reading!

Here you can find the story of Disney's Mulan as an example:

Mulan is trying to find where she fits in - she transforms herself and leaves her home behind to set out on a quest - she learns how to handle herself in battle - she is wounded and loses the affection of the one she loves - but she finds a way to rise above this heartache, saving herself as well as the Emperor in the process - she ends up a truer version of herself and learns that she can be accepted and loved for who she is.

An exercise to help you gain a deeper, more personal, understanding of your card meanings beyond the descriptions found in guidebooks or online, is to attach something of meaning to each of your cards (or just the cards you struggle to remember!). This could be anything from a favourite quote, a song, a poem, a painting or an excerpt from a book.

For example: The 6 of Swords, usually represented by a character with a child being ferried accross a body of water. To me, this card brings to mind a scene from the book The Mists of Avalon, where the High Priestess Viviane is taking her ward Morgaine to the Isle of Avalon (or Morgaine taking Nimue later in the story). This helps me to give some soul to the card in question. The 6 of Swords represents receiving help to get out of an undesirable situation or to be brought closer to your true purpose in life. Both of these children are being brought to Avalon to be trained as Priestess to the Goddess and they could never have reached the Isle without an experienced Priestess calling down the mists through which Avalon can be entered. In the same vain, I may associate The Ace of Swords with Excalibur, the sword given to Arthur to ensure he has the Blessing and Protection of the Old Gods of Avalon in battle.

Can you think of any card that brings to mind a scene to help you remember the power in that particular card? Have a ponder...

You may also choose to rename your card, give it a subtitle if you please, so that the name reflects the true meaning that card represents to you personally. "Death" for instance can become "Mortality" or "Transformation", "Temperance" can be renamed "Mediation", the "4 of Wands" can be "Stability", the "7 of Swords" may be better known as "Slyness" to you...

Attaching these names to your cards may help you get to the essence of the card and remember the meaning more easily. But remember that these meanings are fluid, and can change according to the situation you are reading for or even the deck you are using! The artists' depiction may influence how you feel about a particular card - always follow your gut instinct!

I hope you will enjoy practising your readings.

In the next part we will look in to how to get even more information from your spreads by looking at basic numerology and card interactions.

I will also put out an adendum to these lessons with some key words and phrases for card interpretations, for those of you who find that helpful. See you soon!

Xxx

#tarot lessons for beginners #daily draw #stalker cards #shadow card #3 card spread #tarot questions #reading for fictional characters #renaming your cards

7 notes · View notes

haikyuu-imagines-and-others · 6 years

Note

requests are open omg :0 if you don't mind, can you do a second part for the kuroo angst please? i live for angst sometimes lol + your writings are so good!!

Ahhhhhhh sooooooo this one took forever to think of because I left it in such an emotional state…. I don’t think I ever originally had an idea for a second part to the angst because…. I didn’t know there would be demand for one????? But if you guys like my angst that much, that’s fine by me!!!! I love being mean to our beloved volleygays! Thanks for asking!!!! - Admin Satori

Part 1/ Part 2

Kuroo Tetsurou:

Two whole months. Two months, 3 phones, 3 jobs, and 2 new addresses. That’s what it took to get away from your cheating ex boyfriend. Most people would think you were overreacting to how many things you had to change because of a single breakup… But then they didn’t know how stubborn and stupid your ex was. It’d only taken a day from you running away that he’d shown up at Kenma’s house demanding to talk to you. It almost took Kenma getting into a fight with his former senior to get him off his property. But at the threat of a cut friendship and the police being called for his removal, Kuroo had promptly backed off. You’d been kept safe at Kenma’s house. Your phone had blown up non stop since the incident, since you’d walked in on him getting blown by some dolled up bimbo… who, for the record, looked NOTHING like you.

You’d had to change your phone 2 times more than should have been necessary because somehow Kuroo kept getting your number. You figured he’d gotten it from someone you still talked to, and just went from there to get all your other information like where you lived or worked. He was adamant about apologizing and trying to get you to take him back.

And stupid you….

You WANTED him back.

How stupid to want someone back when they’ve hurt you, and cut you so deep that you’ve lost sight of who you are. Who you were before the relationship.

Who were you? Before Kuroo? You couldn’t remember. It’s almost as if you’d only started existing when he’d asked you to be his. His girlfriend; such a juvenile title somehow had meant the world to you and still did. Why? It didn’t mean anything in the end. He still cheated on you. He still got drunk and messed around with a stranger while you were crying into his best friends shirt.

At first, you’d felt sorrow, depression, a deep pain in your heart that made you curl up in blankets and not come out for days. Eating whatever Kenma placed at the foot of your bed, letting him take care of you to his best abilities. He’d only ever taken care of cats, and they cleaned themselves, so most days you went without cleaning up. If you remembered correctly, you’d only ever cleaned up with you had to do laundry… which was every 2 weeks, and that was only because you had to get up to wash your sheets and blankets. You’d think while I’m up and go about taking a shower, washing your hair and brushing your teeth.

Those were dark times… and the times that had followed had been even darker.

After the sorrow had come fury. You’d been pissed. You remember, vaguely, slashing Kuroo’s tires; only three of them so that bastard had to pay the insurance to replace them. You wanted to kick his ass for wasting your time. Your moments of crying over him had been nothing but the acts of a stupid blind girl who didn’t know her own worth. Who the HELL cries over a stupid boy????? Had been your thoughts throughout your anger. You’d changed yourself completely, wanting to take your ex by surprise the next time you bumped into him, he wouldn’t be able to see the ass whooping coming if you didn’t look like yourself.

But it only took the cutting of your hair for your anger to pass.

You stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror, your hair cut to your earlobes, the long tresses in the sink below. Your eyes were tinged red with both heartache and fury.

“This isn’t me….” You whispered to yourself, reaching up and letting your fingers stroke the trail of dried tears on your right cheek. Your eyebrows furrowed, and you felt a new wave of guilt wash over you. “You’re acting like a baby…. Get over it… Get clean, get dressed, and go.” Your voice was a little heated, deciding you needed the rough treatment to wake up from this bullshit feels trip your ex was putting you through. “Just. Fucking. Go.”

So you did.

You fucking went. You got in your car and you took off. You didn’t know where you were going, you’d basically zoned out while you were driving, almost causing 2 accidents on the way wherever it was that you were going. But you didn’t stop. You just kept driving. Kept going.

Next think you knew… You were sitting in the parking lot of your old high school, just staring at the empty building. It was summer time, all the students were gone. The only people on the school grounds were janitors and school teams practicing for their next big match the coming year. You just sat in your car, feeling like you weren’t even a person anymore. What were you? How had you become so lost? How had you been blinded by something as fleeting as love? Love disguised as a bedheaded boy who said he would take care of you until the end of your days? You almost felt… hollow. Empty. And you figured your depression wasn’t completely done with it’s cycle. But you didn’t want to sit still. You had to keep moving. Pushing forward.

You got out of your car and walked Into the school, not surprised the doors were open since the chance of a burglar was very low in such a safe country. Slowly, you approached the one room where it had all started. This whole bullshit of a mess. All this heartbreak and sadness had originated as something so innocent. As innocent as a quick glance, the meeting of eyes, and the embarrassed avoidance of eye contact.

Sliding the door open, you stood absolutely still, staring at the rows of empty desks, remembering the loud calls from familiar students to their friends. You’d known all your classmates, had personally met each and every one of them, but there’d been one that had stuck out to you the most. Your feet felt like they were filled with lead as you made your way to your old desk, pulling the chair off of its surface before sitting down and staring at the blackboard ahead of you; remembering even the very sound of the chalk making it’s routes over the porous material as the teacher wrote the days lessons.

It’d been a normal day. Sunny. Cloudless. Bright and early. There had been one desk left available and you found it odd since all classes had to be filled or at least have the required materials for those attending before the class could start for the semester. An empty desk was unneeded and an eyesore. The doors had slid open, and a low voice had asked for forgiveness for their tardiness. Of course, such an interruption had called the attention of everyone, and so you had looked up like everyone else at the body occupying the doorway.

Only, while everyone else had looked away at the sight of who it was, knowing the reasons for his tardiness, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away.

Just like now.

He stood in that very same doorway, and you could’t bring yourself to look away from him. His golden eyes almost glowing in the soft light of the setting sun. You stared right back, remembering how his eyes had glanced at you, feeling your stare on his face just like now. Only, back then, he’d looked away with a slight pink tint to his cheeks, not sure why you were staring so intently at him. Had it been his hair? You had thought it was just a bad hair day for him. Everyone had one. But it’d settle once the day began, either on it’s now own or by his messing with it.

But it was stubborn. The messy do stayed, and you remember the longing to touch it. To make it stick in it’s natural place. Your eyes had followed him as he’d made his way to his desk, just a little over from yours.

You turned your attention back to the front of the classroom as you heard the sound of the chair being set on the floor, the body it belonged to sitting in it before the desk itself creaked from the weight of his body leaning forward on it. The sounds of the class had settled, but now they were deafeningly quiet. No one was here now. You continued to stare ahead of you, “Why did you come?” You asked quietly into the not so empty anymore classroom.

“… I don’t know….” He whispered back, sitting up and staring down at his hands on the desk top. He honestly didn’t know. No clue. He’d just suddenly had the need to go to his old school. He’d seen your car in the parking lot and had figured you’d come here. “______… I-“

“I know…. Kuroo….” It stung your heart to say his full first name. That’s not who he was. He was your Tetsu. Your babe. Your sweetie. Anything but Kuroo. The sounding of his surname made you feel… formal. Made you feel like you didn’t know him anymore. You could see him wince from the corner of your eye, and you took a little pride in the reaction. It wasn’t nearly what he’d put you through just a couple months before, but it was a start. It was a little taste. “I know…. You’re sorry… You were drunk and unsupervised. She saw that and decided to get what she could from you while you got the comfort you were seeking from her.” You nodded to yourself before glancing over at him, making direct eye contact. His cheeks darkened just the slightest and he looked away from your eyes; Shame was all he’d been feeling for the past 2 months. Shame, self hatred, guilt. They’d all melded together into a single, awful, heavy feeling that pulled his heart into his stomach and made him constantly feel like giving up on every aspect of life.

“ …. I shouldn’t have to be supervised… I’m an adult.” He whispered, not arguing with you, just acknowledging the point you were setting down. “I’m an asshole… I hurt you…. I betrayed your trust and I let you down… There’s no amount of sorry that I could convey to you that would even come close to how awful, how ugly I feel inside.” Kuroo’s voice was quiet, “I…. I want you back, ____… But I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m not even asking for it….” He looked over at you now, and you didn’t know what to say. “I want you to be happy, ___… I want you to be happy, and thrive, and not be held back by someone as stupid and lazy as me…” He sniffled, and you realized he was crying. His chest was shuddering from suppressed sobs, and his right hand reached up quickly to wipe away the tears slipping past his portrayed tough exterior. “I want you to be happy… And I hurt you… I took your trust and your love, and I fucking ruined it…. I’m such a fucking dickweed.”

You turned your attention back to the front of the classroom, feeling your heart longing to reach out and pull him close. Wanting to tell him that everything would be okay. That the two of you would work past this and be happy again. Happy with each other. Together.

But, instead, what you said was, “Dickweed wasn’t exactly the word I was thinking of, but sure. That’s a good substitution.” Then the room fell relatively silent once more. Save for the sound of him trying to hold in his emotions. You’d gotten over your tears long ago, had let your heart slowly encrust itself in its own sense of death before crumbling away slowly. It’d only taken you two months, two months of trying to get over him and get him away from your broken heart, and now? He was just a few desks from you, crying out his own guilt and shame to you, showing you his own broken heart. And you wanted to badly to help him put the pieces back together just as he’d do for you. Two broken people sat mere feet from one another. Yet, one didn’t know where to begin and the other….

Well….

The other didn’t feel a thing at all.

#Admin Satori #Haikyuu!!#Haikyuu!! Scenario #Angst #Kuroo Tetsurou

74 notes · View notes

ijswezel · 3 years

Note

What do you suggest I do as a person in love with someone I can’t have?

this is a toughie and might get rambly: a disclaimer

unrequited love fucking whomps. plain as that. I wish it were a social condition that people were immune to feeling because it is a source of so much heartache and helplessness.

end of the day, though, we can't help who we fall for. it's absolutely not our fault. but it's a situation that can very quickly start causing us massive damage, especially if you're a bipolar hyperfixating obsessive wreck like I am. falling for someone and then having to tell yourself that it isn't going to happen, and weaning off falling for them again afterwards is really not an easy thing to ask of yourself and it hurts a very real hurt

the German in me would suggest the ordered, organisational approach. because essentially what you asked isn't so much a question as it is presenting a whole scenario - one that is very dependent on circumstance and will be wildly different from person to person. giving a quick, catch-all answer would honestly be doing you a disservice, so pardon me while I go long winded on the off chance it might help with processing stuff and realigning your head. that's the plan, at least

so I would ask a series of counter questions.

a) is this person currently single or available?

if yes, proceed to next question. if no, then the uncomfortable reality is I'm afraid that's more often than not where it ends. if the other person is already in a relationship then we have no stake here and there's nothing much else that can be done about it than do our best to accept it

b) does this person know how you feel?

this could either be a game changer or a stab in the dark. daunting to address, sure, but if they aren't aware of how you feel in the first place there's absolutely nothing they can do with this information. it doesn't have to be the end of friendships or consignment to the shame cube. if it isn't inappropriate to do so, put your feelings out there, cause you never know. at the very least getting it out may well be a liberation; a weight off your chest that helps you feel like you're no longer trapped in that awful prison. it's the 90s, go for it

c) are there outside circumstances?

this is a... broad question. but basically, do you have a clearly explicit reason these feelings are unreturned? career-wise, for example. Power dynamics at play. ethical (Doctor-patient, for example) or societal (overbearing family, etc). some kind of roadblock outside the two of you that might be stopping it instead

d) are they ready?

this is an important one, and one that leaves no choice but to respect it. it might turn out that they simply don't want a relationship for whatever reason and try as we might we can't will someone into being with us. they are their own person, after all

more than anything in the whole world I want to tell you that things will work out for you, because after all, you deserve to be happy. we all deserve to be happy. but the sadness with unrequited love lies in preparing yourself for that often not being the case

there's nothing wrong with needing time to heal, either. if the person is your friend and, after everything, it's clear it still isn't going to happen, then saying to them look, I gotta work this out in my own head a bunch is totally valid, and it doesn't mean it's the end. they're your friend, after all. if you're close enough to be able to confide that in them then things needn't be awkward if you both talk it out

coping with it yourself, though? that's another difficult one. but if you can, be there for them, even if it takes a while for you to get there. channel that ache in your chest into loving them in a different way; into being the best friends one another could ever hope to have, so that ache turns to light and you both come out the other side stronger than ever before

of course, there's every eventuality that you tell them and they turn round and surprise you by saying the exact same thing back

really though, emotions are dumb and because humans are like 98% water or thereabouts, all our feelings and sexual fantasies are just floating around in there like a weird gross soup

I hope this was even somewhat helpful. I wrote it in the tail end of a migraine and everything is fuzzy. but no matter what happens, try and keep your chin up as best you can

#ask

0 notes

alexhogh7137 · 4 years

Text

The Battle Between Love and Fire-

Ivar the Boneless × Reader

Chapter Thirty: The Hidden Door

Chapter Twenty-Nine pt Two

Word Count 3.2k

Warnings: Slight angst, some fluff

When you and Ivar got in bed, he stayed up for the longest time: playing with your hair, messaging your arm with his fingertips, kissing your forehead, fiddling with your fingers that rested on his chest. He lost you tonight, how long? He does not know, but it was long enough for his liking. He can't get over the fact that he could have lost you forever, which makes him feel sick to his stomach. You notice how he has not fallen asleep yet so you look up at your husband.

"Ivar?" You say, half asleep from dozing off.

Ivar smiles, "Yes sweetheart?"

"You haven't slept yet, have you?"

Ivar "No, not yet."

"Are you okay?"

Ivar "I am fine my sweet. I'm just admiring you, I-" you lean up slightly to connect your lips to his. He grabs your face and holds you for a moment before you both have to break away for air.

"I know when you are worried, Ivar."

Ivar sighs, "I have every right to be worried..you are my wife."

"Your wife who is alive and in your arms, hun.."

Ivar "And I cannot thank the gods enough for bringing you back to me. I don't know what I'd do if-"

"Don't."

Ivar "You are my entire world, Y/n. Without you, I'd have no one, nothing to live for."

"You have your brother's-"

Ivar "No I don't. Hvitserk and I have grown close only because of you. We bond over the love we share for you. And Ubbe just loves me because we are brother's.."

"You have your people.."

Ivar "My people do not love me princess. They went against me multiple times. Like I said..you are all I have. You are the only one that truthfully loves me."

"I do Ivar. I have loved you from the moment I met you and I will love you for as long as I live."

Ivar smiles, "I know that to be true, and I love you the same. That is why tonight is haunting me."

"I am right here, my beloved." He squeezes you, holding you tighter in his arms.

Ivar "And I'm not letting you go."

"I never want you to let me go. We have forever together.."

Ivar "Yes we do." He leans down and kisses you ever so gently. "I love you."

"And I love you. Now shut those beautiful eyes of yours and get some rest."

Ivar chuckles, "Yes my queen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning comes and when everyone awakes, everyone is absolutely exhausted and look like they are ill. Hvitserk's eyes are almost swollen shut from all of the crying he did last night, and Ubbe and Torvi have been up since first light.

Hvitserk "I'm relieved that you are still coming out of that bedroom door Y/n." You don't respond, only hugging him. He hugs you back, taking it all in.

Ivar "Ubbe is out there, yes?"

Hvitserk "Yes, him and Torvi. Everyone has been working since first light."

Ivar "Good."

Hvitserk looks down at you, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore.."

Hvitserk "Can I see?" You nod and show him your chest. It is reddened and looks very irritated. "gods.."

"I am fine."

Hvitserk "If you say so princess."

"I-" you attempt to speak but you get cut off by your carrier running towards you three.

"A letter, my king!" Ivar takes it immediately and opens it with great haste. You see his eyes scatter along the piece of parchment as he reads in a hurry. You study his face to see if his mood changes in any way, shape or form.

Hvitserk "Is it-"

"Thyra?"

Ivar smiles, "Yes, she is alright!" You breathe out in relief to hear that your friend was alive and well. "She has agreed to help us."

"That is great news!"

Ivar "It is-"

Hvitserk "But..?"

Ivar "She needs time."

"How much time?"

Ivar "Three days."

Hvitserk "We have to inform Rollo of this setback."

Ivar "Yes, you go do that." Hvitserk agrees and walks off.

"What are your thoughts?"

Ivar "We do not really have any other choice but to wait."

"Can I see the letter?" He hands it to you for you to read.

The letter reads as follows: Hello Y/n. I am sorry for the delay, your father has been monitoring my actions very closely. But I will of course help you and your husband in the retrieval of the weapons. I know that your dragons mean a great deal to you and I can not fathom seeing you lose any of them. With that being said, I ask for three days to make absolutely sure that everyone will keep you, king Ivar and his men safe. In some way, I must get a few guardsmen to help me and that will take time to negotiate. So I ask for this time, please. I hope you are okay, my friend. I hope to see you soon.

-Thyra

You look up at Ivar who still does not know what to think. You hand him the parchment back and rest into his side as he grabs your waist.

Ivar sighs, "At least your friend is alright, hmm?"

"Yeah, that puts my mind at ease."

Ivar "Rollo will not be happy with this set back-"

"Well we either wait three days or my dragons die." Ivar's eyes gloss with sadness. He has grown to love your three magnificent creatures and would be heartbroken if something happened to them.

Ivar "We will wait, my dear. Do not worry, okay?"

"Yes...if we do wait the three days, that means only seven days left to prepare for the siege. And Rollo is coming in from-"

Ivar "I know..I know. Perhaps the gods knew something that we don't. Everything will work out in our favor, I promise."

"Don't promise me that. Just promise to never leave me.."

Ivar "Y/n."

"I can't lose you Ivar. Just like you can't lose me.." he leans down, cups your cheeks and kisses you.

Ivar "I'm not going anywhere. You give me every reason to keep fighting..to live."

"I love you."

Ivar "And I love you, my love."

The remainder of the day was rough to say the least. You helped Ubbe, Hvitserk and Torvi clean up the village as best as you could. Ubbe kept making you stop and take breaks because he knew the pain that you were in. Bless his heart. Your family is so loving and you feel blessed to have this life that you have now. But you know that your past is not over with, but it will be soon and you can move on completely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three Days Later…

Yesterday, Thyra wrote to Kattegat once more: telling us to arrive in the back of the kingdom, rather than the front entrance. She stated that she has over ten guards in on this retrieval plan and that everything will go smoothly.

You ride in the ship with Ivar and his brothers instead of traveling my dragon. They need to stay safe, they need to stay home. They of course were resistant to the idea of leaving you but you reassured them that you will return to them as soon as possible. All three of them watched you leave and whimpered until you were out of sight.

Ivar "They really love you, princess."

"I know they do. I've raised them, they are like my children.."

Hvitserk "They are. You are a mother of dragon's."

Ubbe "What a title!"

You smirk, "I will hold that title proudly."

Ivar "A mother of dragons, married to a viking God.."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Ubbe "You are not a God, Ivar."

Ivar "To you I am not. But that is not what my heart tells me." Hvitserk scoffs.

"Let's just get this job done and go home.."

Ivar "We will, my love. Your friend made it clear. We will be in and out, yes?"

Ivar held you from behind as you all looked at your horizon. So vast with so much potential. You breathe in the fresh, cool air and as it fills your lungs, you sigh from the peacefulness of this very moment. Ubbe looks at you with a smile on his face. He admires you, not only as a warrior, but also as a strong woman that you are. You have endured many battles, whether it being internal or physical, you have endured it all but you are still here. He is proud to call you his sister, much more than he was his last one, Freydis. He knew deep down that she was an issue but he of course kept that to himself.

Hvitserk "We should be there soon." You take a deep breath and lean more into Ivar for comfort. He holds you and rubs your skin.

Ivar whispers, "You're going to be by my side the whole time..I'm not going to let anything happen to you." You slowly nod but think to yourself, 'Right..I've been taken while you slept by my side...and I got stabbed five days ago..' Hvitserk looks at Ivar with disgust. He heard his whisper and knew that he has said that in the past but look at everything that has happened. He wished that he could have been the one who was stabbed, not you. If he could take away your aches, he would. If anyone will keep you safe, it's him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the castle comes into your sight, like you expected, you felt the panic set in. So much so that you almost pass out from the fear of coming in contact with your father.

Ivar "Put your mask on, my love." You agree and place a black piece of cloth over your mouth and nose to hide your face besides your eyes. Ivar puts his hood over his head, same with Ubbe and Hvitserk. When you stand up, Hvitserk grabs your hand in reassurance.

Hvitserk "You've got this kitten."

"Jus-just don't let him take me again..promise me."

Hvitserk "Y/n, I am not letting you out of my sight. No one is going to harm you, I swear it."

"I just want to get the weapons and leave immediately."

Hvitserk "And we will. I know that you are scared," you look up at him, "and you have a right to be. Your father has done barbaric things to you..if I could have stopped it back then, I would. I would save you from all that heartache but I am here now." He looks around the boat, "We are all here now. We can protect you now, princess. So look at me," your eyes lock with his, "I promise that you will be safe. I love you, I'm not going to lose you again." You lean into Hvitserk so that he can kiss your forehead, making your eyes close from the comfort that it brings you.

"I love you too, Hvitty."

He looks at you and bursts out laughing, "Hvitty? I love it. Is that going to be my nickname from now on?"

"If you would like."

Hvitserk "I would love that, I love anything that you call me."

Ubbe "We are here, come on brother's."

Ivar takes your hand and keeps you attached to his side while Ubbe and Hvitserk get out of the boat first.

…

As soon as you reach the back entrance, you see 5+ guardsmen guarding the back entrance with Thyra in front of them. You sigh and run to her. Ivar hisses for you to return to his side but you do not listen. When Thyra sees you, she runs and embraces you like she hasn't seen you in years.

Thyra "Are you okay? Please tell me you've been okay!"

"I'm fine..are you-"

Thyra "I'm fine too-"

Ivar "Where are they?"

Thrya "They are inside."

Ubbe "We get that, where?"

Thyra "Follow me." Everyone, including you, hesitate to follow her. "There are guards inside..they know to keep the king away from that room.."

Ivar "What if they betray you-"

Thyra "Look, if you thought that I would betray you, then why did you come?"

Ivar "Watch how you talk to me.." he said very sternly.

Thyra "My apologies. But we cannot stand here and talk, the longer we wait, the less confident I am with this being successful. So please, follow me." Ubbe goes first, then you and Ivar, then Hvitserk. Being inside the castle is a struggle for you. But it brings you some security knowing that you have your husband and his brother's with you at all times. Ivar singles his men to surround you all. The warriors have their swords drawn and their shields up.

She walks out into the hallway and you all pause. Ivar holds his finger up to his lips to signal everyone to stay absolutely quiet.

Ubbe draws his ax, "I don't like how we are in the open."

Hvitserk "If anything happens, she's going next." He gestures over to Thyra and Ubbe agrees. If Thyra is betraying you all, then she is the cause.

Thyra "It's in here." She whispers, heading towards a door. You recognize the door and get flashbacks so strong that it makes your knees buckle. You can see your younger self, running towards this door and your mother holding it open for you. She always tried her hardest to keep you from your father's wrath.

Ivar "My love.."

"Huh?"

Ivar "Look at me.." you stray your eyes from the door to meet your husband's eyes, "talk."

"It's...flashbacks."

Ivar "Can you go in? If not, I will stay out here with you."

"I have to see the weapons myself..I know where they are. I have to go in." Ivar nods and walks with you hand in hand. Going in, your eyes lock to the cupboards that you used to hide in. Once everyone is in, the door is shut and three guardsmen guard it from the king or his men. Hvitserk takes off his hood and looks down at you.

Hvitserk "Is it in here?" You don't answer, you just walk towards a part in the wall that looks 'off'. You kneel down and put your nails in the cracks, opening a hidden door, revealing a pile of weapons.

Ivar "Son of a bitch.." he says as you pull out every last steel weapon from the hole in the wall.

Hvitserk "I have never seen such a weapon." You look at the tip and get furious.

"They were not made to kill men and women. He made these specifically to kill dragon's."

Ubbe "Why would he do that? Didn't he have dragons himself?"

"Yes he did. I don't know why he would wish to kill them."

Thyra "Y/n.." you look up at her and then it clicks in your mind. He had these weapons made when he decided on gifting you the three dragon eggs. Right after he made up his mind, your mother was killed, that is how she knew where he hid them from you.

You stand up and hand them to your warriors, "Let's go home."

Ivar "Y/n," he grabs you because he can tell that your mood has shifted drastically, "my love?"

"Ivar I need to leave before I run out of this room, find him, and kill him where he stands." Hvitserk grabs your hips as a reminder to breathe.

Hvitserk "Remember the mission-"

Ubbe "Lets go." He looks at his brother and lets you go.

Ivar "Ubbe is right, let's just go. You will feel better once you are out of these walls."

He grabs your arms and pulls you out of the room. You all rush out of the castle, staying close together. Thyra stops by the door once you all are out and safe. You look back at your friend and feel your emotions get the best of you.

Thyra "Hey, don't cry." She pulls you into her arms, "I will be safe, just get out of here."

"Thank you, I love you so much."

Thyra "I love you more, now go." She pushes you and you all walk back to the boats. Once you are all in, you take your mask off and sit down. Mission complete, time to go home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ivar sighs once he sits down on the side of the boat, resting his legs. You sit on the floor, next to the weapons. Hvitserk and Ubbe sit down on each side of you.

Ubbe nudges you, "You good sis?"

"Just angry."

Ubbe "Talk to us, maybe we can help." You spend time telling them what you realized back in that room. They listened and felt the anger in your voice.

Ubbe "I am sorry that he even made these in the first place. But he does not have them anymore, we do. They won't be used on your dragons..they won't be used at all if you wish."

"I just want him gone.."

Hvitserk "He will be soon, Y/n." You nod and rest your head on his shoulder. Ivar smiles and looks off into the distance, thanking the gods that you are all safe and have successfully retrieved the weapons.

You stayed by Hvitserk until you reached Kattegat. You rose when you heard your dragon's shout for you. They got so excited that all three of them flew over the boat and hovered above you all. You greet them and thank the gods for your safe return.

Ivar "Let's hide these weapons. I don't want anyone to know where they are except for us four, got it?"

"Yes, my king." The man said. You all got off and headed for the house. Torvi and her daughter ran to Ubbe in a loving greeting. Seeing Ubbe with his children (including Ragnar) makes you so excited to become a mom. You look down and rub your belly with a smile on your face.

"I can't wait to meet you, little one." You say to her.

Hvitserk "Neither can I." You didn't know that he was behind you. You figured that he went inside already so it took you for a surprise.

"It feels like time is going by so slowly."

Hvitserk "That is only because you are eager. And once the siege is over, you will have more time to relax and focus on her growing, rather than worrying."

"You are right."

Ubbe "Lets go inside and eat, yeah?"

Torvi "Our hunters caught big today."

Hvitserk "Oh yeah, how big?"

Torvi "Biggest we've caught in a while." Hvitserk giddily runs into the house to see what we will all be eating. You and Torvi laugh.

Torvi walks over and hugs you, "I am glad that today went well."

"As am I. I am glad that we came back in one piece." You force a laugh.

Torvi "Thank gods..come on, let's go feed you and the baby."

"Good, we are starving." You all enjoy your day and feast with cups of ale and lots of laughter. Today was a success and hopefully the siege that is bound to happen in just a few days, will be as successful as today's retrieval.

@hvitserkmarcosource @youbloodymadgenius @ivarsgoddess @a-mess-of-fandoms @herestherealproblem @readsalot73 @heavenly1927 @saldelys @ivarzeitgeist

#alex hogh andersen #ivar the boneless #ubbe lothbrok #hvitserk #vikings #marco ilsoe #hvitserk lothbrok #jordan patrick smith #torvi vikings #the battle between love and fire

32 notes · View notes