#and them having enough humanity to make the romance believable and achievable
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Twilight Meta—Chapter 14-16
In which Edward gives his and his families vampiric backstories (abbreviated, of course), the lovers share a bed together platonically, and once again Edward does things that both are and should be illegal…and not in a legal or moral sense either. Spoilers bien sûr
Chapter 14: Edward Vampire Splains, Bosses, And Stalks.
With obvious edits and elusions, as we know from the previous books. But the gist is correct.
He drove one-handed, holding my hand on the seat. Sometimes he gazed into the setting sun, sometimes he glanced at me—my face, my hair blowing out the open window, our hands twined together.
What a nice image. That’s all. No thoughts, head empty.
“I was born in Chicago in 1901…Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza.”
Would have been nice to have seen that flashback in the movie, but budget concerns. Anyway, this is the real appeal of vampires for me: Hundreds of years old, privy to all kinds of history! But of course it’s all about the teen angst and romance. I do like how Meyer’s vampires do ring believably immortal, or at least have universal personalities that fit in most every time. Most TV and movie vampires are so unbelievably modern, it’s sickening. I’d prefer too old-fashioned vampires than too modern.
“Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn’t realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him—he was careful with his thoughts around me.” He rolled his eyes. “But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett…She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. I’m only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her.”
Is it me or Edward gives much more slack to Rosalie in this book than in Midnight Sun? Then again, they have a typically bickering brother and sister relationship there.
“Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place.”
Friendly reminder that the Cullens don’t always enroll in high school. I’ve heard some antis bitching about that.
“I was curious about you.”
“You spied on me?” But somehow I couldn’t infuse my voice with the proper outrage. I was flattered.
He was unrepentant. “What is there to do at night?”
Oh, no. This is so creepy, you guys. He stalked her and watched her as she sleeps. I am so appalled at this anti-feminist messaging. What kind of message is this sending to our impressionable youth—
Yeah, no, I don’t care, lol. Seriously, he’s a freakin’ vampire. Ergo—vampire shit. The same clowns who cry at Edward sparkling in the sun because “vampires don’t sparkle!!!1!1” are also up in arms about this. Creepy Vampire Stalker? Doesn’t even have the same ring as Creepy Italian Stalker. I know Edward is supposed to be the good ones, but he is still a bad boy vampire. He killed people in the past, Karen.
“You’re interesting when you sleep.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “You talk.”
“No!” I gasped, heat flooding my face all the way to my hairline. […]
“Are you angry with me?”
“That depends!” I felt and sounded like I’d had the breath knocked out on me.
He waited.
“On?” he urged.
“What you heard!” I wailed.
Bella is more upset over Edward hearing her love confession than his watching her. Might as well. Bella isn’t the type for guilt or shame, but she does want to keep the depths of her obsession with him as secret as possible. Give it up, Bells, it’s obvious to anyone with a brain. At least when Juliet finds out Romeo heard her love confession, she was mortified too, but decides to…just own it. Bella doesn’t play hard-to-get either.
“You did say my name,” he admitted.
I sighed in defeat. “A lot?”
“How much do you mean by ‘a lot,’ exactly?”
CACKLING. Would have loved Pattinson to have delivered that line.
He pulled me against his chest, softly, naturally.
“Don’t be self-conscious,” he whispered in my ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it.”
Edward being sweet and lovely right after confessing he watches her sleep is just…peak Edward. *chomps on movie popcorn* This cock is really something else.
Anyhoo, Charlie returns and he is more observant than usual. Well, Bella is visibly very excited and agitated.
“None of the boys in town your type, eh?” He was suspicious, but trying to play it cool.
“No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet.” I was careful not to over-emphasize the word boys in my quest to be truthful with Charlie.
Bah, weak equivocation. While Edward is not a boy mentally, he is still seventeen physically and presents as such. Charlie would still call BS. Juliet did so much better getting her mother off her scent. Do better, Bells.
“Edward?” I whispered, feeling completely idiotic.
The quiet, laughing response came from behind me. “Yes?”
I whirled, one hand flying to my throat in surprise.
He lay, smiling hugely, across my bed, his hands behind his head, his feet dangling off the end, the picture of ease.
Now this is actual problematic shit Edward does. Bella, you have his ticket to ride. Ride before the stallion moves!
“Can I have a minute to be human?” I asked.
…I’m beginning to see the anti rationale of Bella being too dumb to function.
Well, no? she does have to put on a show for a suspicious Charlie and also make herself clean. Priorities and practicalities and all. But damn, she has ovaries of steel.
Too late to regret not packing the Victoria’s Secret silk pajamas my mother got me two birthdays ago, which still had the tags on them in a drawer somewhere back home. (p. 298)
Aaaaand I stand corrected. She’s literally thinking about putting on sexy lingerie for her vampire boyfriend. This series is literally so real.
I pulled back; as I moved, he froze—and I could no longer hear the sound of his breathing. […]
“Did I do something wrong?”
Yes, Edward, it’s you. You’re a slut created by a hetero red-blooded woman. A male Carmen or Salome. An homme fatal.
“No—the opposite. You’re driving me crazy,” I explained.
He considered that briefly, and when he spoke, he sounded pleased. “Really?”
Like Bella, like Edward! R&J really should serve them copyright infringement papers.
“But jealousy…it’s a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…” He shook his head angrily. […]
“But honestly,” I teased, “for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie—Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie—was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?”
Ha, legit. Mike is the Paris, and Rosalie is the…Rosaline? Holy shit, that’s close. Now it’s Shakespeare’s turn to serve copyright infringement papers.
He was serious now, thoughtful. “For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.”
Every so often the antis bitch about Edward remaining a virgin for ninety years, but honestly? Ninety years isn’t that long for a vampire. I mean, that’s just the 20th century. He doesn’t even remember the Victorian era. Edward is definitely among the younger side. The Volturi especially must have viewed him as a wee bby. Look at him, finding his lil’ cantante, aw. If he were 200+ years, yeah, I’d call bullshit.
“I thought you were desensitized.”
“Just because I’m resisting the wine doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet,” he whispered. “You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia,” he noted. “It’s mouthwatering.” (p. 306)
Lavender: Happiness, love, devotion, peace, distrust. Freesia: Innocence, thoughtfulness. All in all, very apropos. Bella smells like life, in other words—also, there is her maidenly innocence.
(Also, come to think of it, by contrast, Bella doesn’t describe Edward’s scent all that clearly. I have a feeling it must be something similar. Sweet is the main adjective. Probably something cold per Jacob’s reaction).
“Carlisle has a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified—like our minds, our senses.”
It is a cool idea. I mean, still makes these vampires overpowered as hell and everything, but it’s still cool. These vampires in many ways are like twisted anti-angels—like Adam and Eve before and after their fall. It’s a neat reversal.
Chapter 15: Meeting the Vampire In-Laws, the Infamous Khaki Skirt, and Vampire Baseball
“Edward! You stayed!” I rejoiced, and thoughtlessly threw myself across the room and into his lap. […]
He laughed.
“Of course,” he answered, startled, but seeming pleased by my reaction. His hands rubbed my back.
Book Edward and Bella: 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Movie Edward and Bella: *stare, no thoughts, head empty*
I hid my face against his shoulder.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“You are my life now,” he answered simply.
Love declaration at page 314! Very fitting and intense. And oh, here it goes…
I ended up in my only skirt—long, khaki-colored, still casual. I put on the dark blue blouse he’d once complimented. […]
“Okay.” I bounced down the stairs. “I’m decent.”
He was waiting at the foot of the stairs, closer than I’d thought, and I bounded right into him. He steadied me, holding me a careful distance away for a few seconds before suddenly pulling me closer.
“Wrong again,” he murmured in my ear. “You are utterly indecent—no one should look so tempting, it’s not fair.”
THE INFAMOUS KHAKI SCENE. The clownery this one scene incurred…all because Tumblr misread “khaki-colored” as “khaki” the material. Also that weird out-of-nowhere headcanon of it being ankle or floor length. And I thought R&J clownery was bad…
Anyway, if this weren’t a scene from a YA novel, this would definitely have led to a sex scene. Gives off major “bodice ripper energy.” I’ll be disappointed if there wasn’t a saucy fanfic AU on this alone.
“Look, I’m trying really hard not to think about what I’m about to do, so can we go already?” I asked.
“And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?”
“That’s right,” I answered immediately, hiding my surprise at his casual use of the word.
He shook his head. “You’re incredible.”
Bella being into that shit Part 39374782.
Anyway, there is the scene with Bella and the Cullens, the Cullens being all “do not startle the human!” and then Alice coming in all “BELLA MY BFF muah” 🤪. (Love Alice, always will). I’ll skip around a bit unfortunately because my wrists are killing me, but I’ll just highlight a few moments.
I suddenly remembered my childhood fantasy that, should I ever win a lottery, I would buy a grand piano for my mother. She wasn’t really good—she only played for herself on our secondhand upright—but I loved to watch her play. She was happy, absorbed—she seemed like a new, mysterious being to me then, someone outside the “mom” persona I took for granted.
Bella’s love for her mother always rings true. And of course, it informs her choice to help her.
“You inspired this one,” he said softly. The music grew unbearably sweet.
Bella’s Lullaby. Never particularly liked the version for the movie (hell, I don’t even remember it). My toxic trait is that I headcanon Bella’s song as Belle. Yes, that Belle.
“I have to, because I’m going to be a little…overbearingly protective over the next few days—or weeks—and I wouldn’t want you to think I’m naturally a tyrant.”
Literally all the antis and even half the Twilight fandom think you are the worst of the worst of tyrant. My take? I’ve literally read alpha male leads (including classic lit characters—oh, yeah) way more toxic. Hell, even Shadow and Bone’s Mal is worse and he’s just a regular Joe. Edward is a kitten compared to them. If anything, he is almost as much as a pushover as Bella in some respects. The rest is just your basic typical 1900s trad boy with control issues.
In any case, this is first reference to James, Victoria, and Laurent in the book. The movie decided to introduce them early on and trying to build a little mystery over missing hikers and whatnot. But that didn’t work because the movie just showed us who was eating the hikers anyway, so no mystery. So there was no point to it—maybe just to appease the antis that whine about how there is no plot until they come along? (Ma’am, this is a romance novel).
I shivered.
“Finally, a rational response!” he murmured. “I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all.”
Yeah, Bella does. She just has a disease called Being in Love. Not contagious, fortunately, but extremely common. The lengths she will go to for the vampire dick is inspiring.
Chapter 16: Carlisle and More Vampire Lore, and Vampire Baseball
Anyway, Edward then moves on to Carlisle’s backstory feat. actual Carlisle. Very interesting and oh, he was born just a few decades shy of actually being at the Globe theater in its heyday. (Not that Carlisle’s father as a Protestant would ever allow him near the playhouses, those dens of iniquity!!!). It’s just possible he may have seen revivals of Shakespeare’s plays…and then gotten whipped by his Protestant father as punishment. But ignore me, I’m a Shakespeare nerd. Continuing on.
“Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence—about ten years after I was…born…created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn’t sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time.” (p. 343)
“Abstinence,” “appetite.” Interesting choice of words there. Also, Edward going into his Batman phase is now terribly ironic what with Pattinson recently donning the cape.
“But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn’t escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified.”
Would have loved to have had more of that rationale. I suppose I should reread Midnight Sun sometime. It’s very detailed though; Edward overthinks everything.
“I was prepared to feel…relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn’t expect to feel more than that. I like it. It makes me…happy.” He shrugged, smiling slightly.
Friendly reminder that Edward lies and has lied only to Bella when he has to re: vampire secret society. He is still keeping Alice’s vision of her as a vampire from her, but that’s par de course. Bella has to choose that destiny for herself.
#twilight#twilight meta#anti anti twilight#cristina reads#i like the balance meyer strikes between the vampires being obviously vampires#and them having enough humanity to make the romance believable and achievable#it does lead to some worldbuilding holes tho#luckily this series is not fantasy
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I have an honest question and I don't want to sound rude or anything at all but what's so interesting about CNC. Like I see people hype it up but to me it just feels like romanticizing r4pe..I'm not really into CNC so I can't talk bad or downplay whatever they do but I'm just asking because I want to understand it better.
A question I, by no means, can answer perfectly. However, in the spirit of philosophy and amateur psychology, I will lay unto you, ye who have keen ears, my theories.
Now, I am in no way a psychiatrist. However, as I am a woman who does a great deal of fantasizing and further thinking of what I fantasize about, I thought I might assume the role of a sexologist as it is no protected title.
I’ve long wondered why we (women) fantasize about things that would appall us if manifested in reality. It makes little sense that an act so ruining in practice should make us feel fulfilled when the mere thought of it is humored.
In the vast complexities of psychology, no matter how much I drink of its depths, I can’t seem to get my fill enough to understand it. Trying to figure out female arousal is like pulling hair from a clogged gutter and trying to undo all the knots. It’s a web of contradictions.
However…
First theory – there are cultural reasons. If we accept the inbuilt instincts of old and the instincts we adopt through media while growing up – all in all, the great history of aggressive men dominating passive women – we are conditioned to accept that this is what romance looks like.
Second theory – there are the emotional reasons. The "Beauty and the Beast" motif – featuring classic co-dependency. Women submit to abuse because we have an inbuilt need to nurture others – so when we love men who require to abuse and own us in order to love us, we somehow forget to protect ourselves in favor of loving them, which in this case means allowing them to abuse and own us. It's warped.
Third theory – there are psychological reasons. In fantasies and writing or viewing, we get to reframe traumatic experiences in a positive light or rework traumatic experiences in a safe environment – a form of psychological self-defense, much like Stockholm Syndrome or a type of self-inflicted Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Fourth theory – research has also been conducted regarding physiological reasons. Here, we have another inbuilt self-defense mechanism – a seldom talked-about phenomenon – which shows that women tend to become physically aroused when they sense any possibility of sexual aggression in their environment – in order to lower their chance of injury if they are raped.
Through all this, I believe one can narrow fantasies of rough or non-consensual sex into something as paradoxical and polar as having a wish for control and a wish to relent oneself of it. And coming to this conclusion, I realized that such is the pursuit of many, even in endeavors not of the erotic kind.
Humans wish to have control just as much as humans disdain having control. This is why BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) kinks and fetishes are found in some shape or form in nearly every romantic or sexual relationship in existence. You’ll have the dominant partner wishing to achieve control over a submissive partner wishing to relinquish control through such means of domination, humiliation, pain, and pleasure.
But it’s more complex than that, isn’t it?
Yes. Because, contradictory – a submissive partner may wish for control, and a dominant partner may wish to lose it. Human beings are an unyielding paradox where we flex across contrasting aims with no means to an end.
Yes, we wish for control, yet disdain having it. Perhaps we find the answer to this paradox in maintaining control by losing it?
Moreover… how does this relate to nonconsensual sex fantasies?
Here, we get a fifth theory containing the ego – a spin-off of a kind from the third theory. Here we find the wish for control, where, in the lustful fantasy realm, non-consensual sex bolsters a woman's feelings of seductiveness and desirability in the way it has the power to make a man lose his decency and self-control, driving him to commit crimes of passion despite ill consequences of losing his pride and honor as a man – also, ultimately, risking getting sent to prison.
Put simply, some women enjoy the idea of being irresistible enough to drive even a good man crazy. The thought of being attractive enough to make a man love-sick and the power and control that follows it is, in this case, a turn-on.
A sixth theory – another spin-off from the third theory – is that fantasies of rape allow women to reduce the distress associated with sex, as they are not, in this scenario, responsible for what occurs. Moreover, the logic here states that when one is forced into something, they’ll have a lesser need to feel guilt or shame about acting out their own sexual desires.
Put simply, some women wish to maintain their innocence despite having carnal desires only satiated by means of sinful acts.
This begs another question.
Is this a lingering feeling of guilt and shame around female sexuality?
Of course! Women are constantly met with disdain when open about their sluttiness.
So, are fantasies of nonconsensual sex a type of projection they do because of this?
In some cases, yes!
Transferring our own sexual desires unto another gives us permission to act them out without feeling guilty or dirty – because, inside this fantasy, it isn’t us committing the indecencies.
... Okay then...
Summing up theories five and six:
Control. To feel wanted, lusted for, obsessed over, and coveted by others. The power of driving someone to lovesick desire, a frenzied state, where they would do anything, even illegal, to have you. Additionally, despite such harsh cases of ego, wanting none of the responsibility for it, wanting to be free of sin, to maintain innocence and purity in light of such dark desires.
Or is there a seventh theory? One found in our idyllic construct of freedom – this aimless goal of ours to make ourselves appreciate breathing – done by balancing the electric powerline between having and losing control.
Is it this act of switching places, the attraction and pull, the stimuli and response, the attack and retaliation? In the chaos of contradictions and uncertainty, we find a thrill that occupies our otherwise hibernating minds – bored to the degree that we become machines in our daily programs.
Is it simply that we need a little extremity as a remedy for our dull lives?
Do we fall in love with illegal things simply because we are denied them? Simply because they’re illegal? Self-harm, drug use, gambling, murder, rape…
Are these things a part of us? And are we, without them, left feeling unfulfilled? Is The Purge perhaps onto something vitally important? A cure for boredom, this mediocrity that leaves us feeling so blue?
I think, if I were to find a comparison, it’s quite similar to the blind bounds of excitement others ascend to in the midst of playing violent video games. The rush of falling in and out of enemy territory, of danger and safety, from being a predator to becoming the prey, of victory and defeat, of chasing death only to be comforted by one’s remaining life – because in reality, you're safe and sound in front of a screen.
Also, in other cases - rollercoasters, horror movies, extreme sports, etc...
Yes, the wish to trip in and out of control isn’t limited to the realm of lust but is present in most aspects of life. We find it in extreme cases such as drugs, gambling, gaming, relationships, and in other subtle cases of professions and work.
If you don’t like it, that’s your business, and I wish you the best of luck in lust elsewhere.
On another note – and such another warning and disclaimer – I want you not to accept my tales of lust as love stories. Personally, I think hints of toxic displays such as jealousy, obsession, and possession in a partner are natural – but – a difference is made when such feelings become restricting to a degree you no longer feel free. I implore you to make such distinctions for yourself when regarding yourself – and, in extreme cases, when regarding others.
In said regard, I do not condone the events nor the actions of the characters in my stories – neither offender nor victim. Don’t allow yourself to fall prey to toxic partners! The signs are always there – keep a weathered eye out for them.
And no, I’m not blaming those who’ve allowed themselves to stay in toxic relationships. I, myself, am guilty of that. But I won’t excuse my poor judgment either. You know when something doesn’t feel right. We shouldn’t blur the lines of right and wrong in the name of love – or whatever else we may lend our self-control to – such as religion, culture, family, societal pressure, etc...
You are in control. Don’t forget it. And don’t allow anything else to become the case.
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hi! Just found your blog, and your analysis of Astarion is so interesting and in depth, Iove it! I'm debating whether writing a story with a human monk Tav because I think that can be a fun play on opposites attract, where she's solemn and stoic, but weirdly funny and and ready to help those in trouble, so he warms to her slowly because where was she etc. now in my playthrough he got mind controlled by Nere, and attacked Tav. I can't put down how he would feel? My opinion is that he'd try to distance himself (approval was quite high by then) because he's reminded of cazador 's control and that he's more monster than man. Also, would it be realistic for him not to want tav to go to cazador because he's ashamed/afraid for her life at this point? Or is it too early in his healing for him to think like that? Sorry, long one, thank you!
Well hello there! Thank you so much, duck, I'm so so happy you enjoyed all my rambling! Really honestly, you chaps all have no idea how happy your enjoyment makes me ♥
First: Human Monk Tav x Astarion will definitely be glorious and I hope the muses bless your creative process! We all love a good slow burn opposite attracts romance, that's the good stuff. (And I'm so hyped someone else sees the humour in stoicism. That shit is genuinely funny and not enough people appreciate it, I'm calling it.)
Then, regarding the mind-control issue: Pew! That's really a pickle, because I think it definitely toes the line between what Astarion would want to do and what he is actually able to do.
Generally, I'd say Astarion is one to shy away from dealing with his problems head on - especially the problems he's caused himself because guilt is something our boy absolutely can't face. So I absolutely do believe there's some part of him that just wants to up and dust.
I don't think, however, that distancing himself is something Astarion would ever actually do for a multitude of reasons, really.
First off, and possibly most importantly: The nere-battle is still rather early in the story. That means Astarion is still very likely in survival mode, which means he is painfully aware of every dangerous thing around him.
So that means, he is acutely aware that he needs Tav and their group to survive which, in turn, means he needs Tav right there by his side because they're the only thing that stands between him and the rest of the group. He can be somewhat safe as long as Tav is there vouching for him, so he can't let anyone get in between them.
In order to achieve that, he has to stick close to Tav. Distance creates an opening that someone else could take and the minute someone else slides in, Astarion "knows" (i.e. believes) he's done for. So distancing himself is more dangerous than staying close to Tav, who may currently be miffed because he's attacked them.
Furthermore, Astarion is a master of minimsation. (Only where he is concearned, of course, he's all drama regarding everyone else.) And he's brilliant in blaming other people for things he does.
So instead of distancing himself, which could harm him more than it'd do good at this point, he's more likely to just shrug the whole thing off. He does so when he kills Tav while feeding and that was really entirely his fault, so in a situation like this? Where he can actually blame someone else, too??? Damn, that's easy pray for our pointy-toothed scoundrel. Time to down play the issue and turn up the sexy to make good old Tav forget he was a bad boy for a minute there!
I do agree, however, that being controlled like that is definitely difficult for Astarion because, as you said, it reminds him of how Cazador used him.
The wounds are still extremely fresh at this point, to the point that even I as a social worker would hesitate to work on anything regarding that area of his life, because it could easily lead to a melt down. Sometimes people need to calm down and heal a bit before you can tackle specific topics in a good way, which is definitely the case here.
Regarding the last point: Difficult to say, to be honest, as I'm not 100% sure which time frame we're specifically looking at. If we're still around the same point in the story as before - the Nere part - I'd definitely say it's slightly too early for him to worry much about it. At this point he's only just getting more comfortable around Tav and it's still a while before anything close to a relationship happens. Right now, he wants to be free and he wants to be safe and that likely takes precedence.
The further we get in the story, the more likely it is that he'll have mixed feelings about bringing Tav anywhere near Cazador and his old "home". Facing down your abuser leaves you really vulnerable and, more importantly, there's a chance Tav might leave him after finding out about all of the things he's done. Of course he slowly learns to trust them, but I think we're all well aware that this will take time.
Before Tav, he was all alone for so so long. Nobody helped him, nobody stayed with him, nobody ever did anything for him. It will take a long time to unlearn that.
Puh, you said yours was long and here's me making it even longer! I'm sorry, duck, but I hope I answered all your questions! ♥
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#baldur's gate#bg3 tav#tav#astarion x tav#baldurs gate tav#astarion#astarion ancunin#astarion romance#bg3 astarion#bg3 asks#astarion x reader#astarion asks
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Queer Star Wars Characters: FINAL
Juhani | Identity: lesbian | Media: Knights of the Old Republic
Juhani from 2003’s Knights of the Old Republic was the first ever queer character in Star Wars. The Mandalorian Wars rendered Juhani’s family refugees on Taris after the destruction of their homeplanet of Cathar. Juhani was enslaved due to her mother’s debts, but was liberated by the Revanchists when they freed Taris from Mandalorian rule. This inspired her to travel to Dantooine to train as a Jedi, where she fell in love with her fellow padawan Belaya. For her final trial, she was tricked into believing she killed her master when consumed by the Dark Side. She fled into the wilds of Dantooine, her turmoil agitating the wildlife. Dealing with Juhani is the player’s final trial as a Jedi, and they can either kill Juhani or handle the situation diplomatically and return her to the light. She then joins the player as a companion.
Traveling together, Juhani grows close to Revan and can be romanced by female Revans (the game shipped with the gender flag for romance bugged, but she is intended to be a lesbian). She takes the player turning out to be Revan very well, as she never truly accepted that Revan turned to the Dark Side due to how the Revanchists saved her. If the Dark Side ending is chosen, the player must kill Juhani.
Juhani strives to be a good Jedi, strongly believing in their principles. However, she struggles with the in-born aggression and heightened anger of her species, which with her perfectionism creates a vicious cycle that drives her towards the Dark Side. Other than Revan, she kept herself separate from the rest of the crew of the Ebon Hawk, especially Canderous Ordo due to the Mandalorian’s genocide of her people. She was also full of bitterness regarding the racism she faced on Taris, and struggled not to lash out against all humans because of it.
Chelli Lona Aphra | Identity: lesbian | Media: Star Wars Comics
Oh Aphra, where to begin. Honestly the best way I can describe her is that she’s Star Wars’ Vriska. She’s a “rogue archeologist” and in marketing material sometimes compared to Indiana Jones, but the only similarity is that she can feature in the same wacky stories about retrieving artifacts except with none of the mismatch between modern ideas about archeology and repatriation and Indy being the hero, because she specifically isn’t. She was originally created for the 2015 Darth Vader comic series, recruited to help Vader raise a force that would let him coup the Emperor. She was so popular she then got her own comic series, making her the breakout star of the Disney/Marvel Star Wars comics. The Fandom Menace can’t touch her.
Her comics have been a series of frankly strange adventures involving Force artifacts, Vader either working with her or wanting her dead, and double crosses that leave your head spinning. She has Thrawn level tactical abilities, but only for schemes. She is haunted by how her trauma born behaviors make it hard for her to maintain relationships and be a good person. She has so many exes it's an entire section of this tournament. Her most significant relationships have been with Sana Starros and Magna Tolvan. As of the end of the Spark Eternal arc, the comic seems to be leaning towards a poly ending with the three of them, but first Aphra needs to stop self sabotaging.
One of Aphra’s greatest achievements was at the end of her 2016 comic run, where she trapped Vader in a PTSD flashback Force artifact on Tython and hacked his suit to allow her to erase Hoth from the Empire’s records. She did this for the sake of her loved ones who had joined the Alliance. Doing this gave Echo Base enough time to build up before they were found again that they were able to evacuate much more efficiently. That’s right, disaster lesbian love saved the Rebellion.
#star wars#sw#sw legends#kotor#juhani#doctor aphra#chelli lona aphra#sw comics#sw doctor aphra#doctor aphra comics
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If you're into astrology, what do you think is Leon's chart? :3
OK WAIT. BECAUSE I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT.
I don't know enough about astrology to theorize an entire birth chart for Leon, however I do have a headcanon that Leon's sun sign is Pisces based on two things:
The fact that Leon's already 21 years old on September 29, 1998, meaning that he had to have been born before then, given that he was born in 1977.
That Pisces is the sign known for being immensely empathetic due to them being the last sign of the zodiac (so they can relate to/have adopted traits from all other zodiac signs). If you look up Piscean traits, every single website you find will mention Pisces' compassion/empathy — it's the primary trait associated with this sign. They're also known to be adaptable, personable, self-sacrificing, idealistic, and to engage in self-destructive escapist behaviors (i.e. drinking heavily) due to their inability to accept the injustices of the world around them.
Some quotes about Pisces that perfectly describe aspects of Leon's personality:
"Easily touched by human suffering, at least in theory, Pisces wouldn’t hurt a fly. They believe in people, are deeply hurt by compassionless human behavior, and have a hard time saying no. Harsh realities are avoided either through escapist behavior or self-delusion." (x)
"…the Fish might find themselves wading in the depths of hopelessness, despair, self-pity, and pessimism. And if they struggle to set boundaries, they might feel like they're constantly being taken advantage of for caring about and for others. They might be inclined to paint themselves a martyr. All of this can feed into a propensity toward problematic forms of escapism." (x)
"Among Pisces’ strengths is their ability to feel deeply and be tuned in to others in a way that nobody else can touch. They are one of the go-with-flow mutable signs, which plays to their strength of connecting with others. "Because of this, they make great chameleons who can get along with a wide variety of people and find a way to flow with whatever life brings to them," says astrologer Rachel Lang. "They are gracefully resilient and adaptable."" (x)
"Pisceans can be almost prophetic at times. Yet to achieve this level of clarity they must exercise constant self-awareness and discipline. They have the ability to be one step ahead at every turn, always pre-empting what others need and how they will respond. Thus they can succeed at almost anything." (x)
"Should they believe is that life is hard, cruel or dangerous, then the only apparent route open to them is escape, either into some kind of addictive habit (drugs, alcohol, romance), or into victimhood." (x)
"Many with the Sun in Pisces feel a calling to be of service that should not be ignored. They can do this in their everyday lives through helping those less fortunate, in their professional lives by pursuing careers that allow they to help, serve or heal, or through volunteering extra time and service to community groups.
As ever though, they need to be on guard against tendencies to give the self away. Many Pisceans seem to have an inner conviction that in order to be of service, they must also suffer in some way…" (x)
#leon kennedy#anon#reply#asks: leon#i don't see him as a february pisces. he's a march pisces. ya know?#i'm saying this bc he's way too normal to be an aquarius cusp LMAO
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Assuming boatsex doesn't happen, and that Jon meets the Dragon Queen after he meets and falls in love with Sansa again post-resurrection, doesn't it make sense that Sansa would be around, forced to watch this relationship unfold? Maybe even agreeing with Jon that it's the only political move they can make to ensure the North's survival. Jon has had to put himself in this position before, and Sansa has enough of her own experiences to believe that sometimes enduring the interest of a predator is the only way to survive.
I could see a situation where Jon and Sansa are in love, but it's unspoken. (Because they still believe themselves to be siblings.) D/any takes over, takes a liking to Jon, and decides he's going to become her lover or her three flying weapons of mass destruction might suddenly slip her control. I personally would love a situation where Jonsa talk about what's happening and endure it together. It would be a great way for them to bond, and Sansa could help Jon play the game more successfully than he has done up to now.
Let's face it, he didn't talk Ygritte into much and everyone around them was suspicious of him. Sansa, by contrast, was only suspected by people who were irrational already - like Lysa - or after she was carefully framed for a crime. (It wasn't until the Tyrells killed Joffrey that Tyrion and King's Landing turned on her.) Jon needs Sansa's social graces and the lessons she's learned since they parted.
And I think one of those lessons could be this recipe for moon tea. It's possible Sansa might have to brew moon tea for herself, but it's hard to see her doing so, especially when she has Lysa's example to look at and knows it could damage her future fertility. But could she give it to D/any instead? It would be an interesting way for her story to come full circle. Sansa, who was falsely accused of poisoning Joffrey and became a wanted woman for it, would actually commit the crime of poisoning a monarch this time, but get away with it. D/any would attribute the pregnancy loss to the prophecy, and it would probably drive her to a worse mental state. Especially if it prompted conversations about an heir among her advisors, and she's just killed Aegon. And then the Jon parentage reveal occurs, to make everything worse.
I know a lot of people may not like the idea that Sansa might induce a non-consensual abortion in another woman. But ASOIAF is a morally gray series, and so far, almost all the Starks except Sansa have committed some deeply tabboo or morally questionable act. Even sweet little Bran has eaten human flesh in warg form and warged into Hodor. Arya I don't need to explain. Jon still has the baby swap on his conscience. Sansa so far hasn't made any similar choices. She's kept quiet about horrors she witnessed, but has yet to knowingly do something wrong - something she could walk away from - in the same way as the others. Controversial, I know, but I would like to see Sansa make a choice that dark of her own.
(about this ask)
I wouldn't necessarily mind a jonsa romance that circumstances prevented them from every being able to act on. That could be very compelling, and if Dany were interested in Jon (which I think she very well might be, cuz of that dragon rider/a man she can trust line), it could make sense for Sansa to urge for peace via a political alliance/marriage rather than going to war. Particularly as, Dany's dragons are an overwhelming force, and I actually don't think Martin would celebrate having countless men die at Dany's hands/all that devastation if it was avoidable. LF is currently teaching Sansa how to work people to achieve your own ends, so I agree that there is some aspect of that which will play forward to benefit the Starks.
As for the controversial idea, Martin has indicated that many of the characters will be in a very dark place in TWOW, but I think their actions will fit with who we know them to be, even if there is an escalation, and it will fit with their endgame. A major feature, I'd argue a defining one, of Sansa's characterization is to pity others, to sympathize and want to help them, even when they mistreat her. I agree that Sansa will have some dark (for her) moments in the future, but I would assume that’s more along the lines of lulling LF into a false sense of security before having him killed. Because he’s evil, we won’t mind, but for Sansa, to play him / arrange his death would be a step down a path she’s not taken thus far. We have a prophecy that indicates she will be responsible for his death too. It’s not just that that’s a preferable path for her, it’s a promised one. I imagine that, not something with Dany, is where we’ll see something a little darker creep in.
Also, I am not at all sure that Dany will be pregnant again? It seems important that she is mother of dragons in contrast to mother of people (talked about this some here), so I’m doubtful.
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Why Tommy being bisexual would(n’t) matter.
Main gets hype when Tommy has a gay moment™️. While this is largely in-group teasing, ‘It’s a joke’ ranks up there with ‘it’s platonic’ and ‘I’m not sexualising’ in terms of Main-typical repression—most people might truly be noncommittal, but others might be showing their hand a bit. I’m making a gut call and saying that the topic comes up with enough frequency and eagerness that there’s an interesting dynamic going on.
People have been nosing into each other’s love lives from the beginning of time. Romance and attachment are big human interest stories and most people have an ear for them in some form or another. The question of human sexuality is interesting because it carries a lot with it that doesn’t have much to do with the immediate act itself—a lot of people rightfully wonder why it would matter who wants to get with what gender and why, and the answer is less the immediate impulse as much as the domino effect it has on the rest of their lives, and the lives of the people around them. This post isn’t actually about if Tommy is a boyliker or not, it’s about why there’s so much urgency around divining if he is a boyliker, and what that means.
Ships
The first and simplest answer is that people want to believe that their ‘ships of choice’ are possible—that the dynamics that they love the most between the people that they like could get romantically sanctified. This motivation is common and low-stakes, people want to believe that the thing they see (or think they see) exists in the world. It doesn’t even necessarily have to be a transformative fandom (attachment through fic and art) investment, people often look at celebrities and speculate who is and isn’t good for who behind closed doors regardless.
People like having reminders around them that love is real, particularly the versions of love that appeal to them. (We’re going to loop back around to this in a slightly deeper capacity later.)
Identity
If I were to pick a contemporary figure that was a perfect example of being tormented by the crossroads between personal identity, romantic attraction, social scripts and gender identity, I would choose Tommy. That was actually a big part of my first impression of him, he had the demons of an online gamer upbringing with the piss and vinegar of a small dog.
Straight young men are asked to do several things at once, most non-explicitly. They’re put in situations where they’re pressured to rid themselves of femininity to the best of their ability to reduce vulnerability (both emotional and to criticism by others who target those traits.) This naturally puts them in an adversarial, fearful and devaluing relationship towards femininity, and sometimes women themselves. At the same time, all of this is done with the approximate goal of gaining female attention, using the romantic/sexual approval of women as the ultimate measurement of achievement. Not only is this confusing, it’s a paradox, and I could see it drive Tommy a bit crazy. He was not just a straight boy but a straightened boy, literally performing straightness, and it made him sound like he might commit some sort of crime. There’s not much uncommon about his story when you boil it down save for the scale of it, so in a way it’s not even personal, he just happens to have been a perfect caricature of it.
Heterofatalism
Heterofatalism and the dynamics of modern relationships are some of my favorite topics, by which I mean they’re my ol’ faithful when I need to get into a despair spiral. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a relationship statistic that made me go ‘yeah that seems okay’, and the profound failures of something so basic to produce a non-depressing result are kind of hypnotic. Being worried about ~human nature~ is kind of pretentious but it does make you wonder if these things are nature or nurture problems, and if anything can be done to counteract them.
There’s a lot of unspoken dread and fear surrounding the archetype of the straight boy. He’s selfishly horny, he’s manipulative in a stupid way, he isn’t sure how to love. He’s incapable of taking your perspective or interests into consideration because gendered socialisation has left an unbridgeable gap in his intuition that you either need to fill in yourself time and time again or suffer in silence. While there are plenty of people who exist outside of this mold, finding someone completely free of these traits is an ambition, and the source of a lot of angst.
Male-dominated online video spaces take all these things and pour acid on them. It’s not a mystery why viewers are notoriously paranoid and obsessive with safety-testing CC’s, the stories that come out of the space are nightmarish. While gaming still carries some unwarranted stigma, it is a sphere that collects an identifiable subsection of people that lean a bit stilted and shut-down, which doesn’t compound well with the above problem.
I think people are pessimistic about Tommy’s ability to connect with women. People don’t talk about this directly because they may not even realise they think it, It’s too brutal of an accusation to admit that they don’t think he would be able to treat a woman well in spite of how much they like him. Still, their instincts are based off hours of exposure to his content where being a Clueless Straight was his primary shtick, as well as the loud undercurrent of truth in comedy. While it’s true that casual viewers wouldn’t have many insights into his personal life by his own design, most people will be left with the ghost of the impression thatTommy is a, if not the, Clueless Straight. They’ve been given nothing but forms of evidence to suggest it, even if it was cartoony and (hopefully) larger than life.
When it comes to his early career, the words “homicidally misogynistic” would not have been out of place. Badly out of context, but not unwarranted. I don’t really hold that era against him, because it’s obvious that he was acting out in ignorance that was quickly pressed out of him by Wilbur, but the archetypal disappointing straight boy is ignorant; someone complacent, set in their own agenda, and unwilling to learn beyond immediate self-serving motivations. Tommy has greatly improved, but people seem to throw up a silent prayer for him to be into men so that he can be fully delivered from this dynamic, bypassing it altogether instead of being tasked with learning his way out of it. This is both because the idea of a woman having to tutor him out of it themselves is depressing and too-real, damaging the escapist element of his vibe, as well as people being quietly doubtful that it’s even fully possible. Exclusively same-gender attracted teens didn’t have to resolve straight dynamics, their journey was declaring independence from them, so it makes sense that some see them as things best left behind.
Again, nobody wants to think of him this way, so they find ways to think and hope around it. They try to see the best in him and separate him from the toxicity in Straight Culture, simultaneously dragging him out of a burning building and diffusing him like an active bomb.
Online dynamics and LGBTQ+ identity
The teens are gay online, and it matters to them. People may be isolated and seeking out people who are like them, trying to cultivate spaces and distinct cultural identity. Because the internet runs on keywords and personal data, online spaces directly and indirectly turn peoples attention inwards and ask them ‘who are you and what is it about you that qualifies you to show up/speak in this space.’ Among the simpler answers (I’m a fan, I’m a cooking enthusiast, I have a deep knowledge of stamps) you have people who have/go on to cultivate a queer identity and stand proudly by it alongside their peers.
When standing outside of a mainstream norm, having an in-group is valuable. You also get to define what you’re not, giving you the opportunity to formally disown the parts of society that never gelled with you to begin with; there has to be a reason why you don’t click with these NPC acting ass people. Why are there so many of them, and so few of you, but the distinction can be felt so strongly? Maybe it is LGBT+ identity, maybe it’s something else, but there’s got to be some trait that can be pointed to that’s making the difference.
Because LGBT+ identity isn’t a cultural default, there’s a much greater cultural association of self-actualisation and self-discovery with it. There’s a narrative of working through things, resolving things, and coming to peace with things associated with integrating it into one’s sense of self. Someone’s concept of their self-interest changes when the concept of their self changes, which means that they might not even have to become more empathic to change their thoughts and behavior, they just need to be re-directed.
People want to feel like they have common ground with Tommy, to claim him as one of their own while also finding him to be safe for them. It wouldn’t be enough to be an ally because it still carries a feeling of otherness, and being ‘an ally’ would require a level of perspective-taking that people are very sceptical of right now—if someone doesn’t have firsthand knowledge of something their ability to understand it, let alone interact with it, is under moral question. (This is a problematic line of thinking, but we’re not tackling that one today.) Even people within the LGBTQ+ umbrella get chastised for being out of bounds or spreading irresponsible PR, the allies can stay all the way out of it.
There’s an article that I love and I hand it out like candy because 1) my pseudoacademic ass thinks its hilarious and 2) it outlines the difference, real or perceived, between mainstream straight relationship culture and queer culture. Is it really a utopia free of all polarity? No, a lot of similar problems show up in different forms and are even compounded by unique factors, but there’s a feeling of hope among the youth in the idea that you can get away from this miserable hamster wheel by turning to people you feel less estranged from.
The unspoken strategy
People don’t want to not like Tommy. There are a few mind-tricks that people do to avoid not liking Tommy—they put emphasis on his youth to take the heat off him being a dumbass, they handle him with a feminine sensibility despite him being a cis boy, and so on. This fits that pattern: People cross their fingers and hope he’ll get over this ‘girls’ phase to settle down with someone that he’s capable of being his better self with.
It’s unspoken—some people do not expect Tommy to be ‘one of the good ones.’ Technically it was never his responsibility to manage his image in this way, but the reaction among a vocal minority is the same, and people pretty uniformly tense up when he talks about Women. He knows he’s playing with cringe humor, but I don’t think he knows the depth of the button he’s pushing, or why sexuality ‘truthing’ is egged on by his play-ineptitude. He is someone who called to mind a kind of cultural scar that people might not have even gotten from him, but he does aggravate, which is why they want him to be provably different.
While I’m using Tommy as an example here, this is actually a pattern that I’ve noticed among a surprising number of CC’s in one form or another. A lot of hope is put behind the idea that a kind of spiritual knot will be untangled once they figure out that they’re bisexual (Read: ‘recognise’ that they connect better with men than they ever will with women) and implicitly never interact romantically with a woman again. It’s an easy thought experiment to take the people commonly speculated to be bisexual and see how the feel of them changes if one tries to think of them as exclusively straight. If it feels uncomfortable, like some sort of appeal has died off or even seems like a dealbreaker, there are probably stakes behind it beyond incidental sexuality. This isn’t necessarily bad on the part of the observer, but it’s an interesting chance to pick apart where the repulsion is coming from.
This pattern shows up with a number of other CCs-- People hope that whatever strain of Male Manipulator Wilbur has will be less toxic to another man, and people like to re-frame George as a Trophy Wife to distract from the very real possibility of a Lazy Gamer Husband. On the other end of the spectrum, Phil is a good example of someone who pulls an audience in the same sphere but gets different results. Since people will always speculate there’s no saying that no-one suspects anything of him, but there’s less hopeful urgency surrounding him since he’s got a place as the positive wifeguy representation.
This dynamic is a bit elaborate, and isn’t the only reason people speculate on the sexuality of CCs. Most people are following the tried and true “I saw gay, I said gay” model, which still sits at the core of most speculation. This is just one of the more obscure possible answers to the question “what does it matter to you if he’s gay/bi or not?”
Bringing the topic back around to Tommy, he has already changed for the better over the years, and with any luck he’ll keep moving in a positive direction. Will he ever abandon his Clueless Straight shtick altogether? It feels more likely that we’re going to get an evolved version of it over time, but you never know. As for the topic of sexuality, it’s a wildcard, I genuinely have no guesses as to what label he’ll prefer to go by years from now, but I do tend to be satisfied with what he says about himself in public when he says it.
#Mageessay#Boy the universe really decided to make this one tangentially relevant this week#I’m basically tracing the difference between ‘congratulations’ and ‘oh thank god’#gen tmmy tag
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what the actual fuck i'm so fucking mad you got that message in your inbox, you're like the most loving most positive person here always enjoying your interests in such a nice way like that personally angered me you don't deserve that at all. that was written only to piss you off please don't let them, your love for vice versa and jimmysea is honestly the cutest most endearing thing and it makes me genuinely happy seeing you talk about it so excitedly every day. their episodes were soooo good imho so cute so them! i've missed them a lot and i'll be rewatching FOR SURE! what were your fave 3 moments? if you can choose! fuck that anon and the other ones that might be the same person. love you monica keep loving them as hard as you do <3
ANON YOU'RE MAKING ME TEAR UP THIS IS SO SWEET 😭😭 idk if i deserve all these nice words but please know that i deeply appreciate them and that they mean a lot to me!!!! thank you so so much for this 🥺💜
honestly i LOVED the our skyy episodes like i know im terribly biased, but out of all the ones we got until now i think the plot for vice versa felt the most organic and coherent to the characters and their journey. once again everyone involved in the show put so much care and attention into it, and jimmysea have such a natural easy chemistry to them, they sell the lovesick fools who have been married for five years SO WELL. IDK IF I CAN PICK ONLY 3 FAVORITE MOMENTS BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD BUT LET ME TRY:
1) the beach scene. IRREVOCABLY CHANGED ME MY LIFE MY PERSPECTIVE THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD THE BIOCHEMISTRY OF MY BRAIN AND THE ENTIRE MAKE UP OF MY BEING ON AN INTRINSIC MOLECULAR LEVEL. AGAIN. i haven't even begun to process A QUARTER of the insane amount of parallels they managed to pack in just 3 minutes of screentime and how, by doing that, they were able to show just how far puentalay have come in their journey: from strangers to lovers, from a one sided drunk kiss to a passionate yet tender mutual kiss, from a mouthed 'i like your name' to a mouthed 'i love you', from talay's life ending in the ocean to the ocean being the witness of his love, that same love he once thought was just an annoying distraction in the way to achieve his dreams and that now has become an essential color in the palette of his life..... literally made me experience every single emotion present on the spectrum of human consciousness, im gonna need a 2 weeks long vacation in a controlled environment to decompress and recover from the sheer high romance and the whole entire everything of it all
also not to toot my own horn but i love being correct and never losing:
2) both the birthday conversation and the drawing one. SORRY I KNOW IM CHEATING BUT I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THESE TWO MOMENTS. WHEN I SAY PUENTALAY INVENTED COMMUNICATION UNDERSTANDING CARE LOVE SUPPORT!!!!!!!! im not mentally stable enough to be coherent about this but like.. one of the reasons i adore puentalay is that since the beginning they have always been willing to try to understand each other. no relationship comes without misunderstandings or conflicts, they're always bound to happen from time to time because we're all different and we all react to things in different ways, but what matters the most is the way you can come together after that to face the issue and make it better. i feel like people often have this idealized vision of love where everything must be perfect and passionate and all-consuming, but i believe love is actively choosing to share your life with someone every day as you help each other navigate through it and enjoy the quiet moments together, and i think these two conversations show that puen and talay have this kind of love, a love that will last forever because whatever happens being together is the most important thing for them
3) puentalay and jigsaw sleeping in the same bed. LITERALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU EXCEPT THAT I PERSONALLY DON'T EVEN WANT KIDS BUT SEEING PUEN AND TALAY BEING SO TENDER WITH JIGSAW AND REARRANGING THEIR LIFE TO MAKE SPACE FOR HIM HAD ME LYING IN THE DIRT SOBBING FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO CLIMB DOWN FROM THE SUGAR HIGH THIS SCENE GAVE ME WITH ITS SWEETNESS. it also reminded me a little of the scene in episode 6 when talay admits everything he has missed about puen: talay has always been more rational and reserved with his emotions compared to puen, but it's in quiet moments like these that you can see how deeply his feelings actually run. both puen and talay have so much love to give and one day, when they will be ready, they're gonna have a kid of their own and expand their family, and this knowledge is gonna MAKE ME DIE HAPPY AND IN PEACE
#since i ended up talking about vice versa so much (as always ;;;;;;;) let me send you all the hugs and hearts here in the tags anon!!!!!!#💜💜💜💙💜💙💛❤️💓💗💞💜💚🖤🩷💞💕💗💝💖💚💛💗🩵🩷🤍🧡💘🤎🩶💖💓🧡💝💙💜💜💜💜#thank you so much again for this and i hope you're having a wonderful day!!!!!#vice versa#our skyy 2#m: ask
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Writing an Intimate Scene
Before people could speak or understand our biological functions, we had intercourse. Over time, people came out of the caves, made clothing, formed societies, built cities, and became civilized. During this transition, the subject of intercourse changed from an essential human utility to a deeply controversial, personal topic that holds a special place in our society.
Because intercourse is a delicate subject, it is difficult to write about. Society traditionally considers books, magazines, or newspapers that have written intercourse descriptions to be perverse or “dirty.” However, mass media now provides many intimate descriptions and raunchy visual material. This onslaught makes the subject less shocking, but inappropriate material now confronts our children.
As a father, I have mixed feeling about this (somewhat) recent development. When I was growing up, obtaining any information on the subject was difficult, but now anybody can view an endless amount. This development will make learning about the topic easier for my daughter, but I do not want her to get bombarded by filth.
For example, we allow our daughter to watch the television program, Family Guy. There are intercourse references in almost every episode. I find it amusing that as we watch television together, she does not react to them. Thus, the “taboo” topic no longer holds the same special place it once did. It has become buried in the noise of everyday life.
In my second book, Pushed to the Edge of Survival, a romance develops between the two main characters. I thought that writing an intercourse scene would be easy because I knew the plot. Instead, it was an uncomfortable experience because I had never used intimate words in a document meant to be read by the public.
The scenes I wrote were passionate with intense emotion. I thought I did a great job, but when I completed the first draft and read the result, the intercourse scene shocked me. I had created something too graphic and inappropriate for what I was trying to achieve.
I toned down the scene to make it more mainstream. But unfortunately, I went too far, and the description became mechanical. Essentially, I had taken out all the good stuff. I edited the scene several times to find a good balance. My goal was not to offend the reader while keeping the passion.
One of my writing rules I set for myself was to refrain from vulgarity, demeaning descriptions, and four-letter words. I believe this is the dividing line between intercourse and filth. Thus, I used textbook anatomy words.
Traditional romance books read take a different approach to intimate scenes. They use lofty words to paint an idealistic scene. For example, the male anatomy might be called “his personal area” or a made-up word, “gobble horn.” It is up to the reader to decode these cryptic descriptions. I do not feel this approach helps a reader connect with the passion a character is supposed to express.
Why? Mass media has educated people, and they are now mature enough to handle the reality of a realistic and tasteful intercourse description. In addition, birth control has turned intercourse into a fun activity instead of a seedy hook-up. This new level of acceptance is why the book 50 Shades of Grey was so popular. But was it a breakthrough book? No. Intercourse descriptions have become mainstream, and books/tv/movies have been heading in this direction for a long time.
What will the future hold? Unfortunately, mass media has made this intimate topic so mainstream that the impact is nearly gone. Thus, raunchy material is creeping into forbidden places of safety. For older books, the intercourse scene was the apex of the story. Now, it is one event among many. Yet, a few people still consider the topic to be vastly offensive.
This tiny group caught me off guard. I received harsh reactions to my book and had to remove the intimate scenes in the second edition. As a new author, this hurt, but I cannot afford any negative publicity. I think the change cheapened the characters but also heightened the tension. I suppose that makes for a better overall book. This lesson was important, but I was proud of my original creation.
The good news is that it is becoming easier to write an intimate scene because there is less pressure to be timid. I have now learned that the trick to preventing negative feedback is to prepare the reader (far in advance) for what kind of book they are about to read.
You’re the best -Bill
April 30, 2023
Hey book lovers, I published three! Please check them out.
Interviewing Immortality is a psychological thriller about a 500-year-old woman who forces a disgraced author to interview her.
Pushed to the Edge of Survival is a drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.
Cable Ties is a classic spy novel about two hunters discovering that government communications are being recorded and the ensuing FBI investigation.
These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.
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10 Reasons to Give Flowers on a Special Occasion
Flowers are one of the most precious creations on earth. They spread joy and warmth with their sheer presence. Their sensuous fragrances and vibrant hues can uplift the mood in any room. Ever since the advent of our civilization, human beings have gifted flowers to each other for numerous different reasons.
Now, a lot of the festivals and occasions that are celebrated all around the world use flowers as an integral part of the celebrations. They are also widely used as decorative elements. Gifting flowers, while has been primarily used to express romantic feelings, is a great way of letting someone know that you care for them.
Reasons for people to give flowers
You do now really need a reason, other than the fact that you love them, to give someone flowers. Surprising people with flowers is a tradition that is as old as humanity itself. But then again, there are several occasions when gifting a flower just makes sense, it feels right.
Today, we are going to look at 10 top reasons why people give each other flowers.
1. Birthdays and anniversaries (basically milestones of relationship/life)
Celebrating someone’s birthday is a special moment. That day is reserved to make the person whose birthday it is feel special and loved. And what better way to let someone know that they are loved than giving them flowers?
Anniversaries are meant to celebrate important milestones in any relationship. Surviving one whole year together, in this current world, is an achievement in itself. So, flowers are the perfect way to express your happiness for the couple.
2. Out of gratitude
If someone did something for you, and you feel immensely grateful, words might not be enough for you to express it properly. Flowers, with a handwritten ‘thank you’ note can get the job done. Surveys have shown that 6% of all people who buy flowers across the globe have used flowers as a means of expressing their gratitude towards someone else.
3. Home decoration
Flowers are great decorative elements. We see ample proof of that during festivities and ceremonies where flowers are used extensively for recreational purposes. But they have a short shelf life. This makes most people believe that flowers do not make for proper home decor. But if you have proper facilities, you can sustain a bouquet of flowers for easily over a week. So, if you have a housewarming party coming up, and you are unsure about what to give, get the freshest bouquet possible and then arrange them in a nice vase. That way, you gift a vase, and the flowers will make the house look nice for at least a week.
4. Romance
Now this is a no brainer really. Something about flowers makes them perfect for expressing love. Their sensuous fragrances and beautiful shapes compliment the love about to be professed perfectly. Although, be warned, just flowers aren’t enough to warrant that you get the love back in return. That depends exclusively on you, the other person, and the circumstances. But flowers do help even out the playing field a bit and give you an edge. And when it comes to love, every edge counts, right?
5. To congratulate someone
Imagine your friend got through an exam that they were really nervous about. Or maybe, your colleague and their partner just had a baby. You will obviously go and congratulate them because you are happy for them. But do you know what would make your congratulatory message even better? Yep, you guessed it right. Flowers. Flowers will not only brighten up their mood, but will also make them remember that you do genuinely care for them and you are happy because of their good fortune.
So the next time you wish to congratulate someone, get some flowers that you think they will like.
6. To apologize
We all commit mistakes in our lives. That is what makes us human. But accountability is an important consent. Owning up to your mistake and apologizing for it not only makes you a good person, but also helps people trust you. So, if you have made a mistake and you wish to apologize, you can add a bouquet of flowers to your apology message. Pick out the flowers that the recipient would like the most and attach your heartfelt apology with it. Apparently, according to multiple surveys, almost 3% of people who buy flowers, have used flowers as a way of apologizing to someone.
7. Funerals and memorial services (to sympathize)
Losing someone is always hard. While death is one of the few absolutes of life, knowing that it is going to come someday doesn’t really help with the pain at all. When you lose someone, you lose the person that you were with them. The only way to get through it is to deal with the pain. So what do you give someone who is grieving someone’s loss? Flowers. Not only are they immediate mood uplifters, but flowers will help them find solace and offer them tranquility in their tumultuous emotional state. The soothing scents of flowers can calm down emotional upheavals and help process the grief properly.
8. Meeting someone after a considerable period of time
Remember that friend from high school with whom you gelled really well but eventually lost track over the course of life? Plan a reunion with them today and when you do meet, give them flowers. Not only will it work as an ice breaker, but it will also be a heartfelt gesture of goodwill and love. This will make the awkward initial phase disappear and you can delve directly into stories about the good old days or start making new memories to cherish.
9. To wish someone luck
A little underrated notion, but giving someone a flower while you wish them luck is a good thing to do. Let us take a hypothetical situation where your friend, who is scared of exams, is sitting for the biggest exam of their lives, let’s say the Bar. Now everybody is going to wish them luck, but when they are in the exam hall, they would be on their own, left alone with their thoughts. Now if you give them, say a jasmine, before the exam and wish them luck, chances are that if they get overwhelmed during the exam, they can look at the flower and draw strength from your support.
Historically, wives and children used to see off their soldier partners/fathers/siblings with flowers in their breast pockets to wish them luck. And there are real life soldiers who have recounted their time on the frontlines and how they have held on to one dried flower given to them by their families as they strived to see out one day at a time.
10. And lastly, festivals and occasions
Imagine a wedding with no flowers, no bouquets, no corsages, nothing. Pretty off-putting right? That is how pivotal a role flowers play in helping us celebrate the joyous occasions of our lives. From the proms to weddings, bachelorette parties to engagement ceremonies, award ceremonies to religious occasions, flowers have the ability to add an extra dimension of merriment to any occasion.
Order flowers on the go
We live in an era of constant time crunch. Every day we are in a hurry to be somewhere, do something, meet someone, and so on. We focus so much on our daily lives, we sometimes forget to cherish the people we love, for whom we are working so much. So, order flowers for your loved ones today and get them delivered right at their doorstep.
Moreover, it would be a nice surprise for your loved ones to suddenly receive a surprise gift of flowers. So go ahead, what are you waiting for? Surprise your loved ones today with their favorite assortment of flowers.
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I like how there is the theme of revenge in all RO stories except for Lawrence/Ronan's because what killed him was an illness and not a person (technically). Unless MC declared vengeance on illnesses afterwards and became a super doctor or something...? Or they blamed people's actions during the pandemic for the illness not to stop earlier?
Though when you think about how Laurie stayed in London because of MC and got sick that way... oof. The guilt!
When you think about it, MC's life has been shaped by anger and revenge a lot, so for all their romances to end similarly except in one route is amazing.
OMFG YOU'VE HIT RIGHT ON THE NAIL, DEAR BONNIE
see, ronan is probably the only character in the book who doesn't have a ‘malicious’ side. he genuinely likes helping people and often pushes aside his own feelings to accomodate to what others want. while he does stands up for himself and others when necessary, it is often when the boundaries are pushed and his patience (which is a lot) runs out.
this is not the same as the other ROs. none of them are without a character trait that isn't necessarily ‘bad’. célia with her pride and manipulative tendencies, S with their jealousy and blind ambition, and tachibana with their prejudices and deadly grudges. ronan has not a single one of that! in fact, his hamartia is excessive personal loyalty, which means that he will risk his life—and probably even the world—for the people he cares about. these obviously included his patients and his soulmate in his life as lawrence abernathy.
the other three ROs were killed by other people, in one way or another, because these fatal flaws came back to bite them in the ass through the means of their murderers (indirect or not). lawrence? he also died because his fatal flaw made him sacrifice himself to save other people, no matter how unintentionally it happened.
MC's actions just continues the saga of hamartia after these characters’ demise. they killed the prideful phillipe, the jealous kid who shot S, and their rage massacred the entire village in R's route. as for laurie, who were they supposed to blame here? plagues are not something humans can control and there is no one there to take MC's anger out on except themself for not trying hard enough to send laurie away from london. after all, like you said, the only reason he stayed was because of the vampire and the people literally dying on the streets needing medical help.
this is probably too long and boring for y'all too read but i am so happy to see that there is someone who is reading beneath the surface layer. i want to make these characters as less one-dimensional as possible and i believe i am achieving it as i go.
#asks#just to let you know that i'm not saying ronnie is an uwu angel sweetheart#his actions are often self-destructive because he thinks more about others than himself#and it is not a good thing#that's why the concept of having a hamartia is such an interesting topic to me and i wanted my characters to be flawed like that#these crimson strings#bonnie nonnie#ro: ronan bennett#ro: célia dupont#ro: s bakkoush#ro: i tachibana#ch: the vampire
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SaiTeru: Saiki & Romance - or rather, Saiki & why he could come to reciprocate Teruhashi's feelings
So, remember when I said I had a lot of thoughts about SaiTeru? So much so, that I had to split them up in themed posts? I ran out of steam half-way through, but there are still a couple of things I haven’t gotten off my chest.
This is one of those things.
I need to preface this by saying that I think the notion of Saiki having no interest whatsoever in love isn't exactly accurate. In fact, as early as Chapters 1 and 5, Saiki explains that romance was actually “snatched” away from him by his powers; particularly, by his X-Ray Vision. He even says that the reason he “won’t fall in love with anyone in [his] timeline” is because he cannot develop feelings for a human body’s insides.
But that doesn’t mean Saiki isn’t actually interested in love; I believe he simply has come to see it as something beyond him and, as such, as something not worth wasting time over. He even admits at one point that maybe love "could be fun" if only he could actually look at people (and not read their thoughts).
Saiki’s curiosity about love is particularly evident in Chapter 232, where he spends a good chunk of the chapter trying to understand Chiyo’s thoughts to save her friendship & budding romance with Kaidou, ultimately admitting that he doesn’t understand romance nor a woman’s heart.
The thing is, Saiki has already told us a couple of times that he doesn’t understand romance. The big difference between Chapter 232 and say, Chapter 5, is that by Chapter 232, Saiki is actively trying to understand it rather than simply dismissing it altogether.
Which means Saiki is curious about love. He just can’t fall for someone physically because his X-Ray Vision keeps him from feeling any kind of physical attraction.
So essentially, Saiki would have to fall for someone because of who they are and for what they bring to his life.
And this is when things get interesting, because what does Saiki like (aside from sweets)?
A sense of achievement. Excitement. Purpose.
Things that cannot be affected by his psychic powers.
Mysteries. Something that can provide him with “surprises and excitement.”
In other words, what Saiki actually likes is a challenge. And while all of his friends provide him with challenges in different ways, there is only one person who consistently manages to win against Saiki.
His most troublesome and dangerous foe. One Kokomi Teruhashi.
Being able to read Teruhashi’s thoughts is meaningless because Teruhashi has God on her side, so things always work out the way she wants them to.
The things that should give Saiki an upper hand end up being pointless when he’s pitted against Teruhashi, because if Teruhashi wills it, she will find a way.
No one other than Teruhashi represents as big of a challenge to Saiki; not even his own brother, because as Saiki points out, not even Kusuke can match up against Teruhashi.
Seriously, let’s go back to the things Saiki enjoys (aside from sweets).
A sense of achievement. Excitement. Purpose. Like when he gives it his all against Teruhashi and thinks he’s won against her.
Things that cannot be affected by his psychic powers. Like Teruhashi’s unbeatable will and God’s support.
Mysteries. Something that can provide him with “surprises and excitement.” Like all the ways Teruhashi makes him guess, despite the fact that he’s able to read her thoughts.
Teruhashi is the only being powerful enough and unpredictable enough to tick all of Saiki’s boxes effortlessly. She is essentially built to be his match, in every sense of the word.
But of course, this would all be moot if Saiki didn’t also like Teruhashi for who she is. And despite what he may say about the nature of her thoughts… he does very much like her as she is.
Saiki is committed to coming across as a perfectly average guy. He puts in a lot of effort in order to achieve this. Meanwhile, Teruhashi is committed to coming across as a perfectly beautiful girl. She puts in a lot of effort in order to achieve this.
Saiki respects, acknowledges and admires this more than anyone.
Because unlike everyone else, Saiki gets it. So much so, that by the end of the manga, he even celebrates Teruhashi's victories as his own.
By this point in the story, Teruhashi might as well be the person Saiki thinks highest of after himself (and Satou). He quite literally sings her praises left and right, going as far as saying that when they’re together, they are invincible.
Saiki knows Teruhashi inside and out; he's the only one that knows her flaws, including the fact that she's not as humble as she makes herself out to be.
Which is why it's so significant that Teruhashi wins him over so completely, that when Saiki finally realizes Teruhashi genuinely loves him, he smiles.
His very first speech bubble in the entire manga is saying offu to her.
But if I really start breaking down all the little ways Saiki shows that he might very well already reciprocate Teruhashi's feelings, I'm never going to wrap up this post.
So instead, I'd like to bring up two other very important things Saiki likes.
The first is, troublesome things. The entire manga builds-up to Saiki admitting that yes; he does like troublesome things, despite how much he tried to claim otherwise.
Teruhashi just happens to be the most dangerous out of the troublesome-folk that surround him; in other words, the most troublesome out of them all.
Last but not least, Saiki's true love: sweets. Teruhashi just happens to love sweets. In one of the side novels, she even makes him coffee-jelly.
So, I really do think that Saiki developing feelings for Teruhashi makes perfect sense. Funnily enough, I'd even say that the very things that stop Saiki from developing romantic feelings for anyone else — aka, his X-Ray Vision and his mind-reading — are the very things that would help him fall for Teruhashi.
Because, thanks to not being able to see her looks, he is inmune to her charm and in the best position to not be blinded by her beauty. And thanks to being able to read her thoughts, he can truly see her and how much effort she puts into every aspect of her life.
It's so poetic, I wouldn't be surprised if it's what the mangaka intended all along. Yet another punchline at Saiki's expense lol
#saiki kusuo no psi nan#saiki kusuo#teruhashi kokomi#me: saiteru#saiki x teruhashi#saiteru#textpost: saiki#otp: together we're invincible#me: saiki#opinions#longpost#fandom: saiki#next challenge is writing a rundown of all the moments that make saiteru from saiki's side#but there are so many it'll take ages#2022 here we come
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So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!
I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.
I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.
I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.
I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.
There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.
Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)
So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.
When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After.
But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.
And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)
There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.
I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.
Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.
(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)
And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.
“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”
Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.
Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.
Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting.
To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom.
Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man.
Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms...
If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.
This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P
Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful.
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*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.
** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.
*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual.
#long post#writing#ethical non-monogamy#relationship styles#relationship models in fiction#also that kindle link is an affiliate link#because fuck giving amazon free recs
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Pick-a-card Reading
I did another pick-a-card reading, this time focusing on love and romance. Also, if this is relevant to you or resonated with you at all, can you leave a comment with your astrological sign and which pile you picked? If you know your moon, rising, and venus, could you leave those as well? I have a theory I want to test.
The piles you can pick from are:
Pile 1: Hyena
Pile 2: Swan
Pile 3: Frog
Pile 4: Lion
Pile 5: Fire Ant
Pile 6: Black Egg
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Pile 1: Hyena
Wheel of Fortune, 5 of Wands, 3 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Wisdom
Ace of Swords, 8 of Pentacles reversed, Father of Swords reversed, Co-create, Vision
10 of swords, 10 of Wands reversed, The Moon reversed, Go the Distance, Bond
Knight of Wands reversed, 9 of Swords, The Sun reversed, Regenerate, Message
Knight of Cups, 8 of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords reversed, Yin reversed, Achievement
Bonus Cards: 3 of Pentacles reversed, 3 of Wands reversed, Death, 5 of Cups reversed,
6 of Swords
You haven’t had the best of luck with your past relationships. You’ve dealt with heartbreak and disappointment and that’s made you skeptical of love; and if you ever believed in soulmates, you don’t anymore. The positive to all this pain is that you’ve learned a lot about yourself and how to assert your boundaries.
You’re the type of person to throw yourself into work as a distraction. Keeping yourself busy to avoid processing your emotions is something that can only work for so long. You need to focus less on work, it’s preventing you from doing the work you need to do in order to move on. You may even begin having dreams about your most recent relationship until this is done. Ending negative cycles can be a difficult and daunting task, but in this case it’s necessary. Otherwise you won’t find your peace.
You are healing, it may not be progressing at the speed you want, but these things take time. You were meant to find this message: “there’s light at the end of the tunnel”. Healing isn’t linear, so don’t feel defeated after a hard day, week, month, or even a hard year. At this moment, you should focus on finding harmony within yourself.
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Pile 2: Swan
The Chariot, The Tower, Ace of Wands reversed, A leg Up, Poised, Death, Reflect
3 of Cups, Temperance reversed, The Chariot reversed, Co-create, Regeneration, Deceit
5 of Pentacles reversed, Page of Wands, Temperance reversed, Time to go, Protect
Page of Wands, Two of Swords reversed, 9 of Pentacles, Why? reversed, Tick-tock reversed, Luck
4 of Cups reversed, Queen of Wands, 6 of Wands reversed, Breath, Come to the Edge, Terra, Vision
I get the feeling that you don’t have a type, or if you do it’s always changing. Sometimes you can be a little rash with love and this can get you in trouble. You’re the kind of person who will turn someone’s world upside down - and then you ghost them. You haven't always been this way. At one point you were in a serious relationship, and for some of you, possibly engaged or planning a family. This relationship didn’t end well, it was a very messy break up. I get the impression that you were likely cheated on. You end relationships so quickly, and sometimes harshly, because you would rather hurt the other person than risk being hurt again. You haven’t felt safe with a partner in a long time, but the problem here is that you don’t stick around long enough to develop the level of trust that you want to have within a relationship.
What you need to do right now is spend time alone, dig deep, and really think about what it is that you want. Do you even want a relationship right now, or are you just looking to have fun? You’re not very grounded at the moment, this is a contributing factor to your restlessness. If you can, take some time to enjoy nature and find your center. If you’re the kind of person who likes to party, you’re being asked to slow down and pace yourself.
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Pile 3: Frog
[Before getting into the reading, I’m getting a distinct feeling from this pile. Either, you’ve never been in a relationship or you don’t have a lot of experience with them.]
The Moon reversed, Knight of Pentacles, The Hanged Man reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Balance
The Empress, Queen of Swords reversed, Ace of Cups reversed, To Be Fair, Achievement
5 of Cups reversed, King of Wands reversed, 10 of Wands reversed, Milk and Honey, Simplicity
3 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, The Tower reversed, Higher Power, Sol
2 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, Daughter of Cups reversed, Never-ending story, Transformation
Bonus Cards: 8 of Wands reversed, 7 of Wands reversed, Clean it up reversed
You’re very cautious or picky when it comes to relationships. There are a lot of fears present here, but we’ll handle them one at a time. There’s a fear of not finding stability or being trapped.
You want everything to be fair and equal in a relationship, but this can make it difficult to ask for what you want or need. You don’t want to be too much, but you also don’t want to be giving more than you’re receiving.
You hold yourself and other people to high standards, some might say that they’re impossible to meet. You know exactly what you want in a partner, and that makes you afraid of disappointment. It’s not that you need to lower your standards, but you need to realize that it’ll be difficult to find someone who meets all of your expectations. If you don’t want to wait until that person crosses your path, or if you don’t even believe that they’re real, then you’re going to need to discern what standards are a necessity and which one’s are preferences that you can go without.
People like being around you, because you have the ability to put them at ease. You built up this skill and put a lot of work into it. You have this need to make sure others feel safe when they're with you. You don’t want others to feel like they can’t be themselves around you, because you know how awful that can feel. You can connect with people on a deep level very easily. This is what’s frustrating for you, because if you can bond with people so easily then why haven’t you found your person? You are an extremely lonely person, but you need to accept that things will progress at their own pace and you need to get comfortable being alone.
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Pile 4: Lion
Queen of Swords, Queen of Pentacles reversed, 2 of Pentacles reversed, Soulmates reversed, Deceit
The Fool, The Page of Cups, The Fool reversed, Poised, Breath, Sleep
10 of Cups, Six of Wands reversed, The Magician reversed, Here and Now, Cycle
3 of Pentacles, High Priestess, The Chariot reversed, Not for you, Exchanging Gifts, Bond
The Hermit, Justice, Daughter of Wands reversed, Go the Distance, Wisdom
Bonus Cards: Ace of Swords, Ace of Swords reversed
You’re a very strong and intelligent person, but you can be cold and calculating. You’re at odds with yourself because you want to be softer. You are a hopeless romantic at heart, but you can’t bring yourself to express it. You restrain that softer, more romantic side of yourself to save face. You don’t want to look stupid, but you also want to do all the sappy, silly lovey-dovey shit. You have a very creative side to you and you could use that as a way to explore your softer side. You don’t have to share your art with anyone, but it could help shift the way people perceive you. It could make it easier to express to people that there’s more to you than the cold front you’ve been putting up. Finding balance is key. You are analytical & calculating, but you’re also romantic & nurturing, and you need to find a way to exist as both, or you’re never going to get anywhere.
You should focus less on the future. You’re so worried about having this perfect fairytale ending, that you’re just getting in your own way.
You see the world in a very unique way and you don’t think you’ll meet someone who understands how you process and think about the world around you. You have a lot of conflicting feelings right now, and that’s okay, it’s human. You can’t be perfect all of the time.
Also, you need to chill, you’re taking this way too seriously. Love, romance, and relationships are supposed to be fun. Go meditate in a forest or something, run away to the mountains, just find a way to relax. I can’t fully describe with words the extent of the uptight/tightly-wound energy I’m getting from you.
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Pile 5: Fire Ant
7 of Cups reversed, 3 of Wands, Daughter of Swords, Truth be Told reversed, Simplicity
The Empress, 10 of Wands reversed, 5 of Pentacles reversed, Observer reversed, Go the Distance, Deceit
2 of Wands, Queen of Swords, The Hanged Man, 9 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Fork in the Road, Healing
Queen of Cups, King of Wands reversed, Ace of Swords reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Exchanging Gifts reversed, Balance
3 of Pentacles reversed, Queen of Wands reversed, Death, 8 of Pentacles, Poised reversed, Sol
You’re juggling a lot emotionally and I feel like you cope with these feelings through art. You are highly perceptive and you have a piercing gaze that can see through everybody’s bullshit. You value truth above anything else in relationships.
You see so much that it makes it difficult for you to feel. It’s not that you don’t have feelings, it’s that you break everything down to the smallest detail and your feelings stop being feelings and become observations and data. You’ve become overly analytical and it’s getting in the way of potential relationships. I feel like you are this way because you saw something in someone once and you ignored it, and then you really wish you hadn’t. You thought that you had a future with someone who thought of themself as kind of a sacrificial lamb, so to speak. This person could not take accountability, everything was someone else's fault, and most of the time, they blamed you. Even though most of it was self-inflicted because they didn’t know how to say no and just went along with everyone and everything.
Your view on relationships and love has been changed by this experience. The good news is that you’re starting to heal, but you’ll likely never see love the same way and you won’t be able to trust people as readily as you once did. You still believe in love and romance, for other people, but not for yourself. You don’t believe that you’ll ever be able to share that much of yourself with another person again. You have this ‘once was enough’ energy to you.
If you want romance in the future, which I’m assuming you do because you’re reading this, you need to work on rebuilding the parts of yourself that got damaged by that relationship. Put yourself and your healing first and maybe, one day, you’ll be able to open yourself up to the prospect of romance again. Nothing’s impossible.
This lack of confidence you have in yourself is starting to impact your professional life. You need to find yourself again, and that’s not going to be easy.
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Pile 6: Black Egg
[This reading is all over the place. I can’t tell if that’s because I was tired after doing the other 5 readings or if it’s because you, the person who picked pile 6, are someone who has energy that bounces from one thing to another very quickly.]
Wheel Of Fortune, Ace of Pentacles, 4 of Wands reversed, 6 of Pentacles, Treasure Island reversed, Sol
King of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords, Justice, Mother of Swords reversed, Chop Wood, Achievement
5 of Pentacles, The Hierophant reversed, 6 of pentacles reversed, Father of swords reversed, All that Glitters, Bond
3 of Swords reversed, 10 of Wands, Son of Wands reversed, Daughter of Swords, A Leg Up, Arcana
The World reversed, Death reversed, Ace of Wands reversed, 2 of Wands reversed, Blessed reversed, Air
You’ve had a rocky love life up until this point. All you want is stability because that’s something that has been lacking in your life, you need a balance between the domestic side of a relationship and having the freedom to be able to go off and do whatever you want. You don’t want to be pinned down, and yet, you want to pin someone else down. You need to allow potential partners the freedom you’re asking for.
You’ve gotten some bad relationship advice in the past. Someone told you that you need to be something you're not, or at least pretend to be something you’re not. The problem with this kind of thinking is that once your partner discovers that you haven’t been entirely truthful with them, they're not gonna want to stick around. Because, you know, people don’t like being lied to.
You’ve had your heart broken in past relationships because you felt like you couldn’t turn to your partner for help. They were someone that asked a lot of you, but wouldn’t reciprocate.
You’re an intelligent, and perceptive person, but you’re also incredibly passionate and a little head-strong. So, sometimes you don’t think before you act and that’s been a point of tension in past relationships. You want to rush everything, but there are no shortcuts in love. You need to slow down or find someone who can match your energy.
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I know that readings with 30ish cards take me about an hour to do, so why was I surprised that this took me 6 hours?
I don’t know how much of my personality to let show throughout these kinds of readings. I don’t want them to be dry or too detached, but at the same time people probably just want to know what their piles have to say.
[The decks I used were the Modern Witch Tarot, the Wild Unknown tarot, the Earthbound Oracle, the Wisdom of the Oracle and the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit oracle.]
I feel like these were too specific to apply to a lot of people, but also not specific enough. So, if you want a more personalized reading check out my Etsy shop.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/UrsaMinorTarot
#tarot reading#tarot#tarot reader#tarot pick a card#tarot cards#tarot decks#oracle cards#oracle decks
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I was wondering about your take on Lesbian Jane?
I’ve been thinking about her a lot. Jane isn’t inherently a villainous character. She was raised to take on a position of power so it’s not surprising she seek that out in adulthood. But more the that, I think about how she was born in a time when certain things were expected of women. And how she may have internalized the idealism of husband and child due to that. In HS2 it’s clear she doesn’t have any true romantic feeling for Jake. And part of me wonders if she ever really did? Or if her infatuation with Jake English as a person was due to the fact that he was a “attractive boy”. After all, in HS2 she does marry him and they do have a child. Fitting what would have been seen as a perfect family construct in her original timeline. But she openly neglects both in favor of things she actually finds important. I know Gamzee exist. But I still wonder if her performative gender roles and inherent straightness isn’t all one in the same. I.e, BS. 
I’ve always been partial to lesbian Jane. I don’t think ‘gamzee’ is much of an argument against it if you’ve ever been in contact with actual lesbians; there’s women who spend decades of their lives putting work into a straight marriage that doesn’t truly satisfy them beyond the barest needs for companionship, but it is what they’ve been taught to accept and what they believe Everyone Else Feels. The human experience doesn’t work in a tight binary where you automatically know *what* is wrong with you. Sometimes the problem makes you believe it is actually a feature, and that it’s normal, and that you should just muscle through it no matter how shit it feels like. And that’s kind of Jane’s whole thing- Jane has Girlboss disease.
Like, “yeah, this all sucks, and it makes me feel like garbage, but I have Numbers, and i have Prizes, and I have Accomplishments, and I am a Strong Independent Woman, and that’s what everyone tells me SHOULD make me happy, so I guess this is what happiness feels like.” And she just doesn’t know when to stop. She’ll dig her own grave with a golden shovel if you leave her to it.
I think It’s interesting to note a few things when breaching this subject:
1) Nanna Egbert chose to be a single mom. It’s not that she’s a widow, is that she never pursued marriage. You can make a lot of fail arguments on this one like ‘oh but in the lore nannasprite section we learn that jane and jake had a marriage prophecy or whatever blah blah’ but Beta Jake avoids her for eternity and while Beta Jane found someone to have a son with, she didn’t make it any more than that. Instead, she built a practical jokes and pranks shop and ran it for as long as she was alive, because again, she’s a girlboss. A lot of lipservice about traditionalism on this one and very little actual effort put into fulfilling it.
2) Jane doesn’t actually “love” Jake. She’s infatuated with what he represents, which is a recurring theme in Homestuck. Be it about Terezi and her relationship with Alternian Law, or Dave and his coolguy schtick, or Jake and his flimsy adventure hero persona- characters have “expectations” and these come with a set of rules that must be fulfilled. Sometimes, these self-imposed challenges are more harmful to the character than they’re ever going to beneficial for their growth. It’s effectively like shooting themselves on the foot.
This is actually an ongoing thread during act 6, but not one that I see brought up a lot. Jane projects what she believes are desirable qualities about a man onto Jake, what she’s been taught is the norm and dreamy- but she has negative interest in who he actually is. If anything, Jane finds him tacky, annoying, weird, and unbearably boring. But she thinks she can ‘fix’ him into a model companion if she tries hard enough.
Jane “reinterprets” a lot about Jake as a person to make him more digestible. She does this deliberately, to pad out how little interest he seems to have into the whole thing, and also to depersonalize him enough that she doesn’t have to feel bad about not... actually liking him.
(worthy of note, her “two favorite dames” are married as of catnapped in HS2)
They’re friends, i’m not disputing that, but friendship doesn’t necessarily translate into “compatibility” or “romance”.
“Jake” as a concept in Jane’s glossary is interchangeable with “7th grade 1st place trophy on the national Spelling Bee championship”, and that’s where most of our issues come from. He’s an achievement to be crossed off from a checklist, on the road of becoming an Independent, Successful Businesswoman. At best he’s a status marker, at worst he’s a commodity. Jane didn’t come up with this by herself, though, these ideas are closely linked to HIC’s influence on her life and Jake’s. (It’s not for nothing that Crockertier Jane is the one to be most outspoken about it, or that Epilogues Jane is characterized as a Crockercorp-monster. None of this exists in a vacuum.) These ideals are part of her familial upbringing and corporate brainwashing, the endgoal of them being simulating the Condesce as closely as possible.
When HIC goes undercover as a Human Woman Of Earth, the figure she picks to represent her is a housewife. The fictional Betty Crocker is the apex of Girlbossery- and how can you be a housewife, in 20′s America, without a husband?
Jane is discouraged from being an “individual” and told what she needs to be is a suitable heiress, and that’s her own tragedy. (She has failed to consider wives can have other wives.)
I have babbled about Jane before, particularly when it comes to her also being trapped by gendered expectations she doesn’t want & being gender-nonconforming (a butch, if you will) here.
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What I learned from“A Little Life”
This books felt traumatizing and life changing. It’s hard for me to describe what I’m feeling, because after the onslaught of suffering and feels I just feel numb after finishing.
The writing is unique. It’s filled with long sentences and descriptions of places in incredible detail and vivid metaphors. Marvelous how much you can explain a feeling through metaphors. It felt more engaging and understandable and horrific to imagine the metaphors as feelings instead of figuring out what the bodily sensations were supposed to mean.
The long sentences help with the feel like you are inside the character’s thoughts. As they come, long, illogical, associative. It felt incredibly immersive and it makes the book powerful for it. It’s almost impossible to put down, once you get charmed, and I kept coming back to it, despite knowing it would only get painful and frustrating as it went.
The honesty of those thoughts. I believed this was a deep true insight into someone’s head, because the thoughts were at times very difficult, dark, selfish, unfair, honest. Or about people being honest about not being honest and how they felt and achieved their hidden honesty. Mindboggling.
The structure and choice of pov really hightlights how much can be done through literary means to tell the story you want to tell. How much you can use storytelling devices to strenghten and express what you want. The structure was so untypical, so misleading on purpose, it was excellent and changes how I see structure in books. Beginning, middle, end, what characters you introduce, what you zoom in, what you promise and who you actually deliver being played with, subversed, turned on its head. Totally different than the schemas most writing advice teaches. It really is for beginners I guess. Masters know how to break it to their advantage.
Setting. Pov. Voice. Tense. Form. Prose. Flashbacks. Chronology. Everything was so different, breaking rules, jumping around, being unpredictable but then coming together for a united whole.
I have been attracted to this book for its promise of close male friendships and pain that would get comfort. The book delivers and exceeds any limit, throws itself into tragedy and meaninglessness agony and living with it, but the author had very clear messages and themes in mind. She knew what she wanted to say. I realize now my frustration comes with disagreeing with lots of it. But that’s what books, are right? Not here to tell the one and only universal truth, but to explain and argue a point of view. An opinion. An option for living and seeing life. I understand and felt the argument and I still choose to disagree and that’s all right and good.
But it was incredibly insightful. There are wisdoms about human life, one so deep it gave me a puzzle piece I longed for for a very long time.
This book changed how I view pain. Not just a plot device, not just a moment in character life or point in their arc, but as state. Pain can be a state of being, physical, mental and emotional, social and personal, past and present. Pain doesn’t have to be just a singular occaurnce, something to get rid of, it can be chronic, long lasting, spiralling, a way and part of life.
The statement I guess that’s about radical and a bit hard to live with and I’m not sure what to think about. That some things will stay broken. That a person you love can be sick and never get better. And you can give them all the love and care and effort you have and more and it might not be enough and if doesn’t have anything to do with you. Some things just can’t be fixed.
The bonds of friendship. I liked how it got celebrated and centered on, even if I felt a bit betrayed they made Willem and Jude have a romantic relationship in the end after all. But it was an interesting study of the difference and transformation from friendship to romance. What changes, when you have already been close and known each other for decades? What changes from one kind of love to another? Expectations from the outside? That people can’t justify the time and effort you spend on friendships and need labels like romantic partners and family?
It was beautiful though, how the characters made thier own rules. How the four core friends never had kids and most didn’t marry, being sustained emotionally by their friendships. That friendship can be that close and nutricious and life-defining.
The theme of how no person can give you everything. How hard, embarrassing and stressful it can be to get close to someone, so who is worth such an effort? Being with others is in some ways do much harder than being alone. Why do we do it? What do we look for in others that we can’t find in ourselves? What do we give them? How do we find people who appreciate the best of what we give, give what we need back and we all value the same things enough to stay together and look for the mixing pieces somewhere else?
What I didn’t like about the opinions of this book was that comfort and deep affection only came with great pain. As if only horrendous suffering justified men in crying, needing touch and comfort and allowing themselves to get any.
Other thing I was confused about was what Jude and Willem changed about their relationship, when it went from friendly to romantic. In a way the narrative defined deficencies of friendship, while preaching about its uniqueness and importance. So men are not allowed to touch and be that comfortable and physically intimate with each other, not allowed to randomly hug or sleep beside each other or snuggle, when it’s not with their romantic partner? I thought the shift would be mainly sexual, and that aspect gets thematized (and is hard and troublesome for Jude’s trauma about it and his unwilligness to disclose his suffering about it to Willem to not lose him to percieved societal obligations). I don’t know what exactly it is that I’m looking for, but I found it lacking in this story, despite its focus on friendship.
I don’t get where the characters got so much time from. They managed to work overtime, cook too much, play instruments, meet friends, have fancy dinners and meetings, visit threathers and art, travel, have introspective debates about life, watch movies, drive long and slow, swim in the morning for two hours, regulalry visit doctors, work through the weekend, buy several apartments, reconstruct them and then build a whole new house…like what? That’s not humanly possible to achieve. I’m either that bad at time management, or the characters had way too much energy or the author didn’t really check how much hours a day has.
All in all, this was a powerful book and I can see why it’s called a modern day classic, why it won awards, why it is so popular. I don’t regret reading. I don’t think I would do it again though. I want to read more famous and awarded books, want to observe masters at the craft of writing, but I don’t want it to be tragic and hopeless like these. Why do so many classics end tragically? Is there nothing deep about life than suffering and bathing in its pointlessness?
#writeblr#bookblr#writeblr community#writing advice#friendship#male friendship#a little life#spoilers#very minor ones#learning from stories#dreamywritesstuff
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