Edward’s mother could have given him the ring while she was ill and before she died…Carlisle could have retrieved some of Edward’s family heirlooms…or stolen some from a living relative to ease Edward’s transition into his new life…you know, something reasonable instead of Edward literally going to Chicago to rob his mother’s grave, Jesus fucking Christ
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I haven’t read the books in a long time so I don’t have a solid opinion on Rosalie but I get how annoying it can be at times when people like a character too much that was purposefully written to be a petty bitchy or antagonistic/villainous for one reason or another just because they have moments of being sad or have a sad backstory that explains their crappy personality and think that automatically makes them interesting,complex,relatable, and better written then the protagonist when sometimes the bitchy character in question is uncompelling at best and at worst and the story gives you a solid good reasons for why you find them to be obnoxious. If they not entertaining to me, or have little to zero good qualities, or do things that piss me off then why should I care about them?
Yeah, definitely. Although in the case of Rosalie, it’s not the character I’m annoyed about. Her character makes sense, her role in the narrative is written just fine, and actually has reasons for why she is the way she is without suddenly changing their established characteristics.
What I’m annoyed about is the fandom’s irrational worship of her and belief she has been “done wrong” by Meyer and the narrative. Except that she gets a super sympathetic backstory and she and Bella come to be allies and true sisters in the last book (!!). Rosalie got away with literally everything. So why the fandom is so precious about defending her when Meyer herself is the one who gave her actual sympathetic motives is unclear. It’s giving Bardugo and Zoya all over again.
All fandoms develop what I call myths that are not really rooted in anything canonical. And I think the fandom thinks that Rosalie is meant to be Meyer’s psychological bashing of a conventionally attractive basic rival to her Not Like Other Girl(tm) protagonist. Woman-hating disguised as traditional gender role bashing, as it were.
But Rosalie’s dislike of Bella (beyond the initial gut reaction of being annoyed that Edward was attracted to her) is really just an envy of her mortality and of Bella’s wishes to become a vampire. Nothing to do with Bella herself or even competition about looks (there is no comparison, at least in Rosalie’s mind). Rosalie even has at least one tomboyish trait—she is a mechanic who likes cars—so not even that holds water.
So based on this clownery fans overcompensate and become Rosalie stans, to the point of victim-blaming Bella. That, or some fans really are as petty, shallow, conventional, and superficial as their fan favorite and are beyond miffed at seeing them portrayed negatively. Some people in real life are petty, shallow, and superficial, after all.
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Twilight Clown Takes—Part 7
Featuring Twilight being both queer and homophobic, more deranged Rosalie fan dumb, and a random simping for Sarah J. Maas. On nom nom away
Twilight Is Homophobic AND Queer!!1!!
Or…and I’m just throwing it out there…Twilight is a romance and the romance genre are notoriously heterosexual???? To the point where one of its nastier tropes is the predatory gay villain (looking at you, Outlander)????
Hell, even now the number of homosexual characters in romances are low, mostly just limited to supporting characters. I suppose it’s improved in recent years, but even in fantasy romance you get, like, Mor from ACOTAR.
At least Clown OP has the self-awareness to know they are indeed writing fanfic.
But regarding the “Edward/Bella would never last and they would get divorced!!” clownery…what canonical basis is there even???? They could barely last six months apart without having a complete nervous breakdown. Yes, they are blinded by their own insecurities and delusions, but they eventually communicate and resolve their issues fairly easily. Their love proves greater and helps them overcome these.
You would think Kristen Stewart would have an easier time playing Bella if she were so obviously bi-coded. Instead we got the most awkward and ill-fitting performance of a major character in years, to the point where her version of the character is among the most hated film characters—ever. Part of it is definitely the stupid script and questionable direction, but there is also a matter of casting type. Bella is a modernized romance heroine while Stewart is a grounded indie actress who at BEST can play a major fantasy heroine—a more emotionally intelligent version of Katniss. Perhaps an animated TV show will be beneficial in that respect, in actually casting for the character.
Rosalie Fan Dumb
Bella: *wants to be a vampire*
Rosalie: How dare you, an autonomous individual different from me, make a completely different choice than what I would make!!!1!! 😡
Clown OP: Complexity 😍
Seriously, we have got to have a long talk about this fandom’s idealization of Rosalie resenting Bella her own autonomy and pissing on her own choices. Edward literally has the exact same position as Rosalie (except that homeboy doesn’t hate Bella for it and understands why) but he is criticized so much more harshly. What the hell is going on?
Also, Bella was gung-ho on becoming a vampire anyway, so this pregnancy did not change her plans in the slightest. Hell, it was her plan to get changed right after birthing Renesmee, so it was all on her terms. Let’s not pretend she was at any point coerced into vampirism! For all this whinging about Bella’s agency, it’s the anti fandom itself that refuses to acknowledge it.
Except that in Midnight Sun we do see Rosalie’s hostility from Edward’s POV and boy, is it super petty and irrational—she cannot even stand to be in the same room as Bella! It’s completely juvenile, which is well, par de course for vampires frozen in their adolescent state.
But again we have the victim blaming. Bella’s existence doesn’t endanger the Cullens; it’s the Cullens’ existence that endangers Bella, as Edward correctly notes and angsts about. The only way Bella endangers the Cullens is that she knows their secret—but of course, she would never tell, so it’s moot point. It’s not even on the table after the car accident scene.
Sarah J. Maas? You mean the author with prose like unseasoned rice? You mean the author with 80% of the most boring ass worldbuilding and 20% actual erotic sex scenes, her actual strength? You mean the author who literally turned her first love interest evil and stripped him of all his personality in the sequel just so that her female MC could end up with the fan favorite antagonist (who drugged her and made her dance suggestively in front of people)? That Sarah J. Maas? A better writer than Meyer? Really????
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You mentioned in the tags of one of your posts on Mercutio's (non-existant) sexuality that you're partial to the idea that he may have been inspired by Kit Marlowe; I want to hear all about this lol.
Also, do you have an Marlowe recommendations? I've heard good things so I would like to read some of his plays.
Oh, yeah, my Christopher-Marlowe-may-have-been-the-inspiration-for-Mercutio theory! Glad to talk about it.
So I’m definitely not the only one with this theory—some scholars have mused as much and I did come across them. But the case for Mercutio-as-Marlowe stands roughly as follows:
One of Marlowe’s nicknames was Mercury (!!). Now, Shakespeare clearly did not come up with the name, as he got it from his source material in Brooke et al. But as the Mercutio there was just some random courtier, I have no doubt that Shakespeare got an eyeful of that name in the Brooke poem and just 😏 and seized that golden opportunity to honor his friend in this way
By all accounts Marlowe was charming, erudite, intellectually edgy (an avowed Arianist and homosexual), with a nasty bit of a temper. Mercutio is much along those same lines
Marlowe and Shakespeare may have been friends as well as theater rivals, with similar backgrounds but (I suspect) opposite personalities and sensibilities—the iconoclastic Marlowe with the much milder Shakespeare. You see that same push-pull dynamic in Romeo and Mercutio’s relationship.
Mercutio was killed during his duel with Tybalt. Marlowe was killed while fighting with his fellow spies at a tavern/government safehouse in Deptford. So Shakespeare making Mercutio’s death off-stage may be a reference to Marlowe’s out-of-London death (and perhaps how Will came to find out).
So yeah, not much evidence, come to think of it. Just general vibes. Mercutio does have lines about dreams that are a reference to Thomas Nash, who was also friends with Marlowe and perhaps Shakespeare as well. But of course Shakespeare would make Mercutio a composite of his friends and not just limit himself to any ~one thing.
Against this is the fact that there is no clear evidence that Shakespeare and Marlowe knew each other. That said, the theater world was tiny and Marlowe wrote for Strange’s Men; Shakespeare may have been a player for them at the time. But it’s logical for many fangirls scholars to believe they knew each other and were friends/rivals and so forth.
As for recommendations, I’ve only ever read Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus, which even got a Globe performance, and his Hero and Leander, a narrative poem along the lines of Shakespeare’s Venus and Adonis. I’m ashamed to admit that in class I mistook a passage from Hero for Shakespeare’s, an ignominy that will live in me forever until my dying breath.
But while Marlowe was never as great at character as Shakespeare, his verse was very good (if a little too regular with the masculine endings) and nigh indistinguishable from Shakespeare’s in the beginning. Also, Marlowe is 1000x gayer, even writing about Edward II and his forbidden romance with his favorite Gaveston. Hence his popularity in fangirl circles. If you like Shakespeare but feel he could have been more violent, political, and gay, Marlowe will be right up your alley. There have been tons of fanfiction about him, some notable ones of which are:
The Marlowe Papers (Barber)—author is a stupid anti-Stratfordian, but her verse is legit
A Tip for the Hangman (Epstein)—not feeling the main romance, but it was fun and well-researched
The Secret Life of Shakespeare (Morgan)—actually focusing on Will/Anne, but this version of Marlowe is my favorite. He is just as I’ve envisioned him
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Twilight Clown Takes—Part 7
Featuring Twilight being both queer and homophobic, more deranged Rosalie fan dumb, and a random simping for Sarah J. Maas. On nom nom away
Twilight Is Homophobic AND Queer!!1!!
Or…and I’m just throwing it out there…Twilight is a romance and the romance genre are notoriously heterosexual???? To the point where one of its nastier tropes is the predatory gay villain (looking at you, Outlander)????
Hell, even now the number of homosexual characters in romances are low, mostly just limited to supporting characters. I suppose it’s improved in recent years, but even in fantasy romance you get, like, Mor from ACOTAR.
At least Clown OP has the self-awareness to know they are indeed writing fanfic.
But regarding the “Edward/Bella would never last and they would get divorced!!” clownery…what canonical basis is there even???? They could barely last six months apart without having a complete nervous breakdown. Yes, they are blinded by their own insecurities and delusions, but they eventually communicate and resolve their issues fairly easily. Their love proves greater and helps them overcome these.
You would think Kristen Stewart would have an easier time playing Bella if she were so obviously bi-coded. Instead we got the most awkward and ill-fitting performance of a major character in years, to the point where her version of the character is among the most hated film characters—ever. Part of it is definitely the stupid script and questionable direction, but there is also a matter of casting type. Bella is a modernized romance heroine while Stewart is a grounded indie actress who at BEST can play a major fantasy heroine—a more emotionally intelligent version of Katniss. Perhaps an animated TV show will be beneficial in that respect, in actually casting for the character.
Rosalie Fan Dumb
Bella: *wants to be a vampire*
Rosalie: How dare you, an autonomous individual different from me, make a completely different choice than what I would make!!!1!! 😡
Clown OP: Complexity 😍
Seriously, we have got to have a long talk about this fandom’s idealization of Rosalie resenting Bella her own autonomy and pissing on her own choices. Edward literally has the exact same position as Rosalie (except that homeboy doesn’t hate Bella for it and understands why) but he is criticized so much more harshly. What the hell is going on?
Also, Bella was gung-ho on becoming a vampire anyway, so this pregnancy did not change her plans in the slightest. Hell, it was her plan to get changed right after birthing Renesmee, so it was all on her terms. Let’s not pretend she was at any point coerced into vampirism! For all this whinging about Bella’s agency, it’s the anti fandom itself that refuses to acknowledge it.
Except that in Midnight Sun we do see Rosalie’s hostility from Edward’s POV and boy, is it super petty and irrational—she cannot even stand to be in the same room as Bella! It’s completely juvenile, which is well, par de course for vampires frozen in their adolescent state.
But again we have the victim blaming. Bella’s existence doesn’t endanger the Cullens; it’s the Cullens’ existence that endangers Bella, as Edward correctly notes and angsts about. The only way Bella endangers the Cullens is that she knows their secret—but of course, she would never tell, so it’s moot point. It’s not even on the table after the car accident scene.
Sarah J. Maas? You mean the author with prose like unseasoned rice? You mean the author with 80% of the most boring ass worldbuilding and 20% actual erotic sex scenes, her actual strength? You mean the author who literally turned her first love interest evil and stripped him of all his personality in the sequel just so that her female MC could end up with the fan favorite antagonist (who drugged her and made her dance suggestively in front of people)? That Sarah J. Maas? A better writer than Meyer? Really????
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Bella being distantly related to the Quileutes makes my Jacob-as-Bella’s-socially-destined-match theory so much more plausible.
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Behind every great writer is an even greater stay-at-home wife who runs her own ale business and hoards 800 bushels of malt during a harvest shortage 😌
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Damn Tumblr for not accepting large files! Yeah, I did all the parts - chorus and all. Yep, I'm that insane. Just woke up with an insatiable urge to sing my lyrics...just in time for the eclipse to become irrelevant. 🫠 So obviously I departed from the original English (they wouldn’t have worked in context anyway, they’re so generic) and tried to stick as much to the German as possible. Hopefully this is still an improvement over the Dance the Vampire clusterfuck even with me singing to myself.
Total Eclipse (Totale Finsternis)
Vampires
Isn’t she lovely?
Isn’t she bright?
Young and enticing
An ingenue of night
See her
Finer than velvet
Glistening fair
She may be mortal
But in our secret lair
She’s damned!
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I feel a void grow
Inside me, but I don’t know what I miss
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night the most fantastical dreams come,
As haunting as a blow or a kiss
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I wait and hear someone call me
But it’s never clear to where I must go
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I feel a shadow fall near me
Then I wish to leave the life I have known
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around, starling
Sarah
In the night I hear it call to me
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around, starling
Sarah
In the night I hear it call:
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I feel enchantments around me
Coaxing me to just give in
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I feel temptations surround me
They’re a mirror of my longing within
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I wonder what I would dare do
To become a woman, fearless and free
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I ponder what I would dare to
If I could fin’lly choose whom I’ll be
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around, starling
Sarah
In the night I hear it call to me
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around, starling
Sarah
An exquisite longing to be free!
Krolock
Then we’ll leave this world behind
In this bond entwined together
Far beyond this void of time
We shall die and live forever
Come with me to the depths of the night
In my arms you will find
A shadow world of love, a paradise of the night
The sun of midnight dawning, dreams of vice taking flight
You are the blood of life
Realized in mortal form
Sarah
Your words are like a flint
Making sparks in my heart
Both
I feel my essence alight!
Eternity shall start tonight
Eternity shall start
Krolock
Tonight
Sarah
Once upon a time I dreamed of losing my fear
Now I fear of losing my mind
There’s nothing I can do
I’m lost and I’m found for all time
Once upon a time I dreamed of giving my love
Now I rise and falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I long to run and begin
To break this tie of fate
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night the voice of truth speaks within me
And already I know it’s too late
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I would admit that I’ll never
Meet a miracle as wondrous as you
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around
Sarah
Sometimes in the night I get a glimpse of forever
And I see this ancient world fresh and new
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around, starling
Sarah
Every now and then it calls to me
Krolock & Vampires
Turn around, starling
Sarah
And I know I’m where I’m meant to be
Both
And we’ll leave this world behind
In this bond we’ll never sever
Far beyond the void of time
We shall die and live forever
Sink with me in the depths of the night
In my arms you will find
A shadow world of love, a paradise of the night
The sun of midnight dawning, dreams of vice taking flight
Krolock
You are the blood of life
Realized in mortal form
Sarah
Your words are like a flint
Making sparks in my heart
Both
I feel my essence alight!
Eternity shall start tonight
Eternity shall start
Krolock
Tonight
Sarah
Once upon a time I dreamed of losing my fear
Now I fear I’m losing my mind
Both
There’s nothing I can do
I’m lost and I’m found for all time
Sarah
Once upon a time I dreamed of giving my love
Krolock
Now I think I’m falling apart
Both
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
There’s nothing I can say
I’m rising and falling apart
Sarah
There’s nothing I can do
I rise and I’m falling apart
Krolock almost bites her.
Krolock
No, let’s not forget
The blood will run cold
Deferring the sweet
Will allow it to hold
Be patient
And soon the meaning of these
Hours shall be told
Sorrow is past us
And forever will call
In our sweet rapture
Dancing at our grand ball…
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Could it be???? The best reprise in the history of musical theater???
Notice how the music is almost completely the same as in Le Duel but it sounds so much more threatening without the choir singing. Notice how Romeo's tone goes from desperate in Le Duel to completely dejected in this. There are so many parallels!!!!!! He even does his classic shove and dodge move when Paris tries to attack him. I could talk about this for hours
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Kill the mentality that a female character is “weak” if she is in love with a man. Love is not weakness.
Also kill the mentality that a female character is “weak” if she is kind and sweet. Kindness is not weakness either.
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Wish there was this much energy for defending R&J
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KIT CONNER AND RACHEL ZEGLER AS ROMEO AND JULIET??? THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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There are literally at least 5 major MAANs I know of (‘90s Branagh, Joss Whedon’s version, the David Tennant/Catherine Tate version, the Shakespeare in the Park version, the Globe Theater one), plus a loose film adaptation that was a hit.
Meanwhile all the recent major R&J productions was that horrible film one with the butchered Shakespeare that bombed, the stupid gnome one, and the Orlando Bloom one. And they still haven’t adapted the French musical.
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“Edward was shrugging out of his jacket. I suddenly realized that I had never once noticed what he was wearing—not just tonight, but ever. I just couldn’t seem to look away from his face. I made myself look now, focusing. He was removing a light beige leather jacket now; underneath he wore an ivory turtleneck sweater. It fit him snugly, emphasizing how muscular his chest was.” (Twilight, p. 169-170)
“He pulled off his T-shirt, already spotted with blood, and threw it to me. I wadded it up and held it tightly to my forehead.” (New Moon, p. 188)
Yeah…what she really wants(tm).
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Let No One Sleep! (Nessun Dorma)
N.B: The inspiration for English lyrics hit me so suddenly about some time ago, I’m shocked, lol. I thought this aria above all would resist English. I still have one dubious line that would require an extra syllable, but the alternatives did not satisfy me completely. I also debated whether or not to keep the interrogative tense, since that makes Calaf a little less of an asshole…but I thought he was arguably worse in English than in Italian, so some softening wouldn’t do much. 🤣 Hope you enjoy.
Let No One Sleep! (Nessun Dorma)
Calaf
Let no one sleep!
Let no one sleep…
Even you, my Turandot
Locked in your sacred tower
Will you deny me?
Will you defy your stars now
All for your power?
Or do I haunt you even so?
And by your will my name would know?
No, no!
Only when I take your lips in mine
I’ll break your silence
By the morn
My kiss shall free you from the cold chains that conceal you
And keep you from me
Chorus
His name he’s sworn no one will know
And so we are condemned to die
By light!
Calaf
Give way, oh, night!
Let the day alight!
Let the day alight
I’ll die or you’ll be mine
You’ll be mine!
You’ll be mine!
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Learned Rudolf's part and now I can't remember the main melody. 🫠 Only me, I guess. Anyhoo, I'm shocked by how okay this turned out; I thought this would be a harder song to sing. It only took me long because I decided to learn Rudolf's harmony like an idiot.
The Shadow's Growing Longer (Die Schatten werden länger)
Death
Now it’s time to break the silence
Time to offer you some guidance
You’ve known me, yes, you’ve known me
Cold, alone, still, you have known me
Even as a boy you’ve shown me
What you could be if you’d at last decide
Rudolf
Death, you’ve come when I most need you
Dearest friend, I knew you’d be true
In this world of madness, greed, you—
Death
Am here
To be your guide
Both
The shadow’s growing longer
But mankind is blind to his own folly
The darkness growing stronger
In his hate, his greed, his melancholy
The shadow’s growing longer
Either change the tide
Or watch the whole world die
Rudolf
Captain of a ship soon sinking
Wracked by gales, so close to brinking
And I’m trapped, so helpless, thinking
I’m bounded
Tied and grounded
Death
Still, you can prevent disaster
If you’re brave enough to try it
Though the tide moves ever faster
Rudolf
It makes me long to die!
All
The shadow’s growing longer
But mankind is blind to its own folly
The darkness growing stronger
In his hate, his greed, his melancholy
The shadow’s growing longer
Revolution’s nigh
So why do you/I linger still?
Death
What are you waiting for?
Do what you have to do
Do what you must
To reach for power!
Rudolf
Power?
All
The shadow’s growing longer
What must happen has to or it’s too late
The darkness growing stronger
But the world is blind and deaf with hate
The shadow’s growing longer
Emperor Rudolf will soon make war with this fate
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