#and telling myself I deserve it
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if you need me ill be having a self care night which consists of broccoli cheddar soup from panera, chocolate chunk cookies i found in the bottom of my fridge, and safiya nygaard’s nearly 3 hour videos of her las vegas strip adventure
#tbh I had a self care night yesterday of literally doing nothing but you know what#I think two self care nights in a row is needed and I deserve it#how am I gonna be a better person if I don’t forgive myself with doing self care nights#and telling myself I deserve it#I’m trusting my tarot cards here of patience and allow the universe to bring me back to whole#also I’ve been wanting to watch saif’s videos but just now I finally have the time#adult life with getting over a depression slump huh#angel talks 💕
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I’m always so excessively hard on myself whenever I experience a normal human emotion. Like the first thought that comes to mind is how to mitigate it and alleviate it and sometimes even pretend I haven’t experienced it. It comes w my toxic perfectionist tendencies but I think that’s so unsustainable. And so today while I was journaling the first thing I wrote was “it’s okay for you to be feeling this, you’re human and no human is perfect” and that was so big for me. Like actually acknowledging I’m not a uniquely horrible person for having flaws. I think the fear of being imperfect has also come w historically having people in my life who just didn’t allow me the space to be a flawed girl in this incredibly confusing and harsh world. But it’s fine bc I don’t need their validation anymore and I don’t care how anyone perceives me. I’m okay w myself. I am legitimately trying my best right now. And that’s all that matters
#today I actually acknowledged it’s okay for me to be like. not an actual angel amongst mortals and that’s genuinely so big for me#like who fucking is???? but tell me why I give people all the space in the world to be flawed and like give nothing for myself#no thanks! I’m tired and I do deserve the space to be a flawed 21 year old actually#that is today’s revelation.#p
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It's normal to feel jealous. In friendships, relationships, whatever. Jealousy is a very normal, very human emotion and most likely, it's telling you that a need of yours isn't being met. But sometimes jealousy just shows up randomly and makes itself known for no reason. Maybe you have the happiest relationship possible and you still get jealous. Maybe all of your needs, and more, are being met. That's okay.
Never be ashamed of jealousy. Never be ashamed of anger or sadness or fear. These emotions are not “bad”, there is no such thing as bad emotions. You cannot be completely free of them, and they do not inherently mean you or the other person(s) is abusive.
Listen to what your mind is telling you. If you're jealous every single time your friend hangs out with someone that's not you; why? Are you scared of your friend liking the person more than you? Are you scared that you're not worthy of your friend's time and energy? Are you scared that maybe the other person secretly hates you and plans to turn your friend against you?
Whatever it is, its okay. Don't listen to people telling you that “non-abusers don't get jealous”. Because they do. It's just about how they handle the jealousy. If you listen to your body and figure out the underlying fear or insecurity, you're already doing way more than most.
Sometimes you can talk to your friend about that fear. Sometimes you can explain to them that you feel afraid when they hang out with other people because you're insecure. Do not ever make it out to be their problem, like something they should fix. They can understand and do their best to help you, but do not ever demand or even let them drop these friends for you. Unless the friends are genuinely awful people (which you should then have an entirely different conversation about), it is your friend's right to keep them as friends.
But maybe you can come to a compromise. Maybe when your friend is done hanging out with someone, they can tell you about what they did. Maybe instead of an obligation, its like a “oh my god I had so much fun and I want to tell someone about it” thing. They get to talk about how much fun they had to someone that cares, and you get to know that these other people didn't try to turn your friend against you, or whatever your fear may have been.
Anyway, my overall point is; jealousy is okay and normal. It usually covers some sort of insecurity or fear, like how anger can cover sadness or hurt. It doesn't matter how often you feel jealous - I'm a very very jealous person but I have coping mechanisms and ways to help me when I get jealous so that I don't hurt the person I'm jealous of. I will always suggest mental health assistance like therapy or medication if it's available, but sometimes, its more about the way you treat your feelings and the communication you have with your friends.
#obviously everyone is different#journaling my feelings and telling myself that my friends are so awesome that they deserve other friends#will not help every single person that gets jealous#but as a polyamorous person who has bpd and forms fps on my partners most often#ive learned how to cope with my jealousy without becoming overbearing and mean#it took me nearly my entire teenage life and im still nowhere near perfection#this isnt an instant process and im never going to stop feeling jealous#but i can recognize when im jealous and why and i can work on feeling better about it#{ ♡ } nao : misc . . .#jealousy#jealous#relationships#relationship troubles#bpd#borderline personality disorder#npd#narcassistic personality disorder#i dont know how common jealousy is in npd but it sure affects me a lot so#umm#mental illness#mental health#mental health advice#mental health support#bpd help#bpd support
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Prompt 132
So it turns out Danny and Billy share a realms guardian. Not like they knew that until they literally got scruffed and taken through a portal- apparently realms paperwork can take years or even centuries so they actually got really lucky with how much their guardian was pushing.
Apparently the primordial being of Space and the primordial being of Storm is one and the same and has been… well not throwing a fit but also yes throwing a fit at the Observants and other paperwork beings of the Zone.
So it’s not the worst kidnapping either of them have gone through, apparently they’re getting a checkup and a crash course in realms stuff?? Oh god what do you mean there’s the equivalent of galas in the Zone and they have to go to them??? Sam/Tim help them!
On the bright sides, way less attacks on Amity now that a primordial being that literally shuffles around entire galaxies just because is hanging around to teach him how to do things. And when Billy gets found out to be ten he can cheerfully say he has permission from his guardian. The one literally letting them get through space so quickly just because they think the league is neat. In an idle wow yep kiddo that is a funky looking cat we aren’t taking home yep, way.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#Danny: Oh god is Vortex my ghost brother nooo#Marvel on the phone in the middle of battle: Hi Phantom can you tell pops that I'll be late#Marvel: I know they can definitely see me right now but speck amidst the eternal storm of stars yadda yadda#Villain and JL overhearing this:#Billy: Omg Danny look parent made constellations of us#Danny literally sobbing: Y e a h they did#Their ghost parent has tea with clockwork all the time they're twins#Time and Space are two halves of a whole after all#Children of the Realms itself- or rather the being whose blood fills the cracks between worlds whose body forms the planes of reality itsel#Danny and Billy don't realize how OP they are because this is normal shit for them#Y'know what#Eternal 10 year old Billy and 14 year old Danny#Billy: Wait am I a halfa?? My marvel form doesn't have a heartbeat and I'm literally striking myself with lightning#Danny:#Billy:#Danny: Oh my god#They deserve to be brothers your honor
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cluster b culture is just don't make this about yourself don't make this about yourself don't mention yourself don't do it I swear to God don't mention yourself don't please God anyways I did the same thing and you didn't even notice what about me how come you never notice me but expect me to always be paying attention to you why don't you—
#vent#bpd#bpd vent#bpd problems#bpd things#bpd thoughts#cluster b#like....sorry I really have such an issue with feeling invalidated and then I bring up myself like a selfish bitch#like oh? you're restricting? did I tell you I'm underweight too#girl shut the ABSOLUTE FUCK UP omg I do NOT DESERVE FRIENDS#I can just BARELY control myself when I'm in a negative headspace already#the urge to be people's safe space until I can't control my terrible impulse to invalidate others RUINS relationships
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had an idea for an au thingie for tf2 guys where Soldier works in a bakery after tf2. I think he’s the sort of fellow who just puts his heart into any job he’s asked to do so he’d obviously be a great baker (and teleport so much bread)
#my art#soldier tf2#tf2#doodles#I love this man if you couldn't tell#he deserves a life where he can sort of not be constantly in battle#as a bakery person myself I can say he'd probably be so good at lugging around boxes of dough
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Your life isn't a to-do list. You're allowed to exist, to take life as slow as you'd like. The dreams you have won't suddenly disappear. It's okay to stop and smell the roses, or to engage with "childish" things, or to recover, or do what you need to.
#positivity#encouraging words#life doesn't need to be a speedrun or a 100% run#sometimes it feels like i'm wasting my life but... who gets to tell me what is wasteful? i'm surviving out here and that's okay#and it's okay if you're also somebody who people think is 'wasting your life'#that's such a meaningless and frankly a very cruel thing to say to a person#because you'll see people call somebody's life wasteful because they're simply coping with disability/mental illness/grief/ect#it's a meaningless saying to tell somebody how YOU think they're wasting life. your life isn't a waste point-blank#we ought to be kinder to ourselves for choosing what we want/need out of our lives rather than placating to what is imposed on us...#...or the expectations we impose on ourselves#be kinder to yourself whenever you can. it's hard as hell but please choose kindness toward yourself#just something i thought about and felt like it was impirtant to me#i couldn't complete high school 'on time' because of covid and because i was in crisis. i felt so much shame about that. i felt stupid...#...i felt unworthy. but who decided that i am those things? the crisis i was in could have killed me. i couldn't deal with school then...#...it humbled me because i had to learn that i am not immune to needing to be kind to myself. i am human - i'm not a mindless drone...#...you aren't a mindless drone either. you are an individual. you deserve to feel safe. you deserve understanding and compassion...#...but not ONLY from others. you deserve it from yourself as well
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Warmup request: Matt and Nadia
just a lawyer and his weird girl assistant. . .
HOW DID YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!! that id die for this . .
#every lawyer deserves a weird girl assistant#ace attorney shaped me as a person etc#also they know each other so !!!#anyway thank you anon you speak to my heart#best nadia ive ever drawn if i say so myself#if this wasnt about them then idk what to tell you#asks#requests#daredevil stuff#daredevil#matt murdock#nadia van dyne#the wasp#my art
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While I’m complaining I’ll say the hate on Luke Combs for the success of his Fast Car cover has always been aggressively annoying, given Tracey Chapman has openly stated she likes the cover and loves the paychecks it brings in AND she made an extremely rare appearance at the Grammys to perform it with him, so there are clearly no hard feelings there whatsoever. And yet people continue to speak over her and make a problem where there isn’t one.
#stop telling women how we’re supposed to feel like it’s so annoying#I say this as someone who has never even listened to the cover all the way through because why would I when#fast car by Tracey Chapman exists#however. there are people acting like the man deserved to be burned at the stake for covering a song#I need the online community to get a grip step aside touch grass#that said I will now be logging off myself lmao#to listen to their performance which was the best of the night#grammys
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Friends to lovers + sexual tension tropes: Charlie's wrist is injured but he needs to shave so he asks reader for help. Have fun!
Close Shave
I’m a slut for this kind of thing tyvm
Okay sidenote but this turned out so much cuter than I anticipated
"Careful now..."
You're rolling your eyes, retracting the razor in your hand from his stubbled cheek. "Don't be such a baby, Charlie. I know what I'm doing," you tease the apprehensive man. "I do have some experience in the shaving department, you know."
He mumbles, "Yeah well, that's why I asked."
"Still can't believe you managed to slip on that ice on your porch—even after I told you to do something about it no less! Said somebody was gonna get hurt. Now here you are, wrist sprained—more irritable than ever—and too helpless to even shave your own face."
Charlie's gaze meets your own and for once you feel something brewing in the pit of your stomach. Staring into his eyes, fingers grazing along the side of his jawline—you could never deny he was a handsome guy.
"I mean really, Charlie. What would you do without me?" There's a wide grin accompanying your lighthearted words.
"Yeah yeah," he scoffs, "Just get on with it will ya?"
There's the familiar look that manages to flash across his face for but a split second. The one that has his brows furrowing, eyes rolling back. The one that cautions you to cut your shit. A look you've seen from him far too often.
It wasn't like you didn't know what you were signing up for when you accepted this strange task of his. The two of you were close friends after all. Stuck through nearly the worst of each other throughout the years you'd known him.
Yet something felt different about this.
The way you were standing with him in the middle of his bathroom. How still he stayed while your hands caressed the sides of his cheek, faces so close his cologne felt dizzying. The way his lips seemed to naturally form a frown, eyebrows furrowing, whenever he was contemplating something.
Shit—you had to admit the sprouting grey hairs lining that beard of his were making you feel some type of way. A way that had you questioning your morals. Maybe your entire friendship. And like it didn't help when your thigh brushed against his anytime you moved in closer.
"How close of a cut do you want?" You ask, stepping back for a moment to snatch the shaving cream—and to calm yourself.
"Just keep the mustache."
"Should have guessed," you tease, lathering your hands, "Wouldn't want to frighten the guys at the station."
This comment earns you a small chuckle.
"Might scare you too," he adds.
You're smiling, nodding your head as you once again place the now lathered palms of your hands against the sides of his face. It's surprising to you just how soft his skin feels despite the stubble—which frames his jawline so nicely. You even find yourself sulking over how much of a shame it is to shave it off.
Gradually your laughter dissolves into a gentle silence that fills the air. You're impossibly close now—closer than you already had been—eyes locked together, breath fanning against his cheek. You're tight lipped, eyes darting down to focus as you begin to press the edge of the sharp razor to his skin.
An outstretched arm reaches out, hand clasping the edge of the counter in front of you. Charlie lets out a long sigh, eyes pursed shut, "Careful," he willfully reminds you.
"I thought you trusted me."
"Yeah well that was before you held a razor up to me."
"You asked me to do this, remember? You don't wanna back out now that I've already started."
Cue another drawn out sigh.
"Suppose not."
"Now try not to move so I don't nick you."
Charlie grumbles compliantly.
The first swipe you take is slow and cautious—the blade scraping down the bristles lining one side of his cheek. A breathy gasp slips past his lips—a sound that may or may not have caused your heart rate to spike. Or heat to pool in the pit of your stomach and your face for that matter.
"You doin' okay?"
"Of course." One swipe. "What's up?" Another.
"Just checking in."
You hum out something of a response, turning to the sink to run the razor under water before swiftly wiping it on a towel. "How're you holding up?" You ask, pressing the blade to his skin once more.
"Just fine," he answers before adding in a, "So far."
"Whatever you say." You're smiling to yourself—you can't help it when he's teasing you.
"You almost done yet?"
Heaving a small sigh, you take a swipe close to his chin. "No," you respond.
"I'd be done by now."
"Want me to rush?" You threaten.
Charlie laughs, "Take all the time you need," voice low in your ear.
You let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding in.
"That tickles."
Heat flushes to your cheeks once more. "Suck it up," you advise, breath fanning the crook of his neck.
Another chuckle exits his lips and you can feel it rumble from deep within his chest. "Not pulling any punches today, huh?" Charlie says, tilting his head back to allow you more access as the razor begins to drag underneath his jawline.
"Afraid so."
For a second you look up to catch the smirk playing at the corners of his mouth and you find yourself briefly lost in the way his teeth ever so slightly rake against the bottom of his lip. Merely a second and somehow you manage to press just hard enough to cut his skin.
"Dammit—!" Charlie winces, pressing a hand to the wound.
"Oh shit—! I'm sorry!"
It's a small nick. Nothing intense. But that doesn't stop you from panicking.
"I'm really sorry...I didn't mean to—!" You stammer, urgently turning around to grab a damp towel—
—before stumbling backwards.
But Charlie manages to pull you to him, holding you securely to his chest so that you’re trapped between him and the counter, faces mere inches away. “Careful, sweetheart,” he nearly whispers, “Don’t need you all hurt too.”
If only he weren’t so damn smooth.
Because now you’re left absolutely breathless.
“Let’s finish up, huh?” Charlie suggests, brushing your hair away from your face.
“Good call,” you manage to say.
#team charlie#charlie swan#charlie swan x reader#my writing#twilight#twilight renaissance#charlie swan deserves better#request#kinda projecting bc i also recently injured myself#but like in the most uncool way lemme tell you that popping your kneecap out of place while getting in the tub is not fun#certified uncool moment
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Henry dies so far away from home, overseas in Ireland. He's going to be buried there too, after all it would be too much work to transport the body back to Geneva to give it a burial there.
Before Victor leaves he'll bring some flowers, sit beside his beloved friend's grave and weep. He'll stay there until night breaks, trying to be close to his friend one last time. He knows he will never come back here again.
After that, barely anyone visits Henry's grave anymore. Maybe Mr. Kirwin will pay a visit or the fishermen who found his body or maybe an old lady feeling pity for the forgotten dead.
But in the end he was a stranger to this town, a tragedy people will try to forget. Nobody likes to remember the corpse of a stranger found on the shore. But maybe they'll think of him from time to time, feeling sorry for a life cut so short. His grave will be covered in moss and grass, taken back by the nature he loved when he was alive.
Back home there will be no grave. It’s as if he just left. Gone on an adventure somewhere far away. Everyone knows he's dead but they never saw a body, never saw a grave. Maybe it feels sometimes as if he'd just walk through the door of his home, just as he used to when he still lived.
#I like making myself sad if you couldn't tell#Henry deserved so much better#frankenstein#the modern prometheus#frankenstein weekly#henry clerval#clervalstein#I should probably stop thinking in the middle of the night#queue for when I'm going feral in the woods
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If there’s one advice I can give you, it’s this: take math classes, dude. YouTube tutorials, tutoring lessons if you can afford it, online quizzes, ask your math whizz friends for help. because as someone who’s math incompetent and had a brutal situation at work, that shit WILL be an obstacle. I know math absolutely sucks, but trust me, it’s everywhere, and you WILL need at least the basics
#text#currently I’m crying abt not knowing how to do math even with a calculator in front of me#let me tell you#it’s not fun#I often wonder what becomes of people like me — who aren’t gifted#with a sharp affinity for logic and academics. I ask myself ‘why can’t you just understand what’s so simple for everyone else#and I don’t know!!!#but I do know I’m just as much of a human being as everyone else. I deserve nice things and decency because no human deserves less#regardless of their shortcomings
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Me when I realize that Alina ended up with a man that slut-shamed her, didn't accept her as she is (with her powers and status), fucked around girls knowing that Alina knew, didn't stop his friends from bullying her and made her feel guilty for being happy and healthy:
#the longer I think about it. the more I want to lobotomize myself#and don't tell shit to me about him not having a problem with her powers or that he suffered from PTSD#1) that is no excuse to make somebody else feel like shit#2) the Darkling had been fighting for four centuries too. Do you not think that he didn't see traumatic things as well?#Leigh who the fuck did you choose to give our girl to#Alina deserved better#anti malina#anti mal oretsev#anti mal#alina starkov#darklina#pro darklina#alarkling#pro alarkling#grishaverse#grishaverse trilogy#shadow and bone#siege and storm
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Not having a consistent art style Is so funny bc what you MEAN those r drawings 2 years apart
#and oh my guy how the FUCK did nobody tell me how wacky i used to be . like genuenly holy shit#i am yes re-showing my new son bc he deserves it#and once i get nough time to myself i might also do a lil writing#bc my guy is gorgeous but a pain to draw#rurutalks#rurusocs
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You know that feeling, when you’re listening to someone tell a story, and you can just feel in your gut that what actually happened is SO much darker than how they’re relaying it? And they’ve put a ton of effort in, right, to sand the edges down. They’ve gone over it a hundred times, beating all the wrinkles out, practicing like you’d practice a presentation or a stand-up routine. By the time they tell you the story, it’s perfect. You can’t help but be charmed by it. Can’t help but laugh at all the little silly bits. Can’t help but see it the way they want you to, so you don’t ask questions, you don’t dig in to the open wound just behind the plaster, you don’t let the certainty that it was Bad, Actually sweep you away. It’s just a fun anecdote now. Smile with them. Laugh with them. They’re here now, so it’s fine, right? Right?
I get the feeling that’s just Simone’s entire marriage to Taissa, and I feel so fucking bad for them both.
#yellowjackets#taissa turner#Simone deserves so much better and I say that as a number one Taissa stan#I love tai. I live for tai. oh my GOD watching her relationship with Simone gets under my skin#it has to be perfect. it has to be perfect so it can never be real#whereas with van they had no shot at perfect. no choice but to be real.#and tai got out of the woods. and out of the next three years or so (presumably) with van#and went ‘cool cool cool how do I do the opposite of that so I have control over myself’#and the answer is: a lie. a pretty lie. shined up. put all the realities in a box. tell her NOTHING.#look cool and fun and hot when you’re in a good mood. shut her out when you’re not.#and watch with surprise when the house of cards you’ve meticulously built just blows away the next time a hurricane rolls into town#how MANY conversations over YEARS did Simone look at her and KNOW she wasn’t getting the real tai#and just. coping with it out of love and hope that she’d get there some day#gaaaaaah. Justice for Simone. get her and Sammy to a beautiful home faaaaar away from Jersey and wilderness gods
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