#and maybe i need to start paying more attention to my sensory needs so i use up spoons slower
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"Cold As Ice." Danny Johnson/Ghostface X FEM! AFAB! Reader. A Commission.
SO! I know, I know, almost radio silence on here for fucking days but I was busy writing this BEAUTY! The lovely, fantastic, amazing, and so much more Kelly or @darklylucid commissioned me for this beast. She laid out a 400 word outline and told me to “Go the fuck off and have fun.” So in typical Triple X Bexxx fashion I took that and ran with it and wrote 10K. I love Danny so much, I love Kelly, I was more than happy to do this, it’s been a while since I’ve written a one-shot anywhere near this length and I think this is officially my longest one. SO! Let’s not waste time, let’s get into the filth fest! Thanks again to Kelly for comming me and giving me permission to post this full and un-edited just as it was to her! Let’s fucking go!
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Rating. Explicit. Length. 10.3K. Danny Johnson/Ghostface X FEM! AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: DUB-CON! Stalking. Obsessive Behaviour. Disturbing Behaviour. Man Handling. Voyeurism. Masturbation. Vaginal Fingering. Vaginal Sex. Blow Job. Oral Sex. Cunnlingus. Orgasm Denial. Edging. Object Insertion. Gags. Begging. Pleading. Temperature Play. Ice Play. Threats. Dirty Talk. Praise. Breaking And Entering. Blood Play. Murder. Mentions Of Violence. Restraints. Rope Play. Shibari. Crying Reader. Dacryphilia. Sensory Deprivation. Blind Folds. Punishment. Overstimulation. Cumplay. Fear Play. Rough Sex. Knife Play. Teasing. The Barest Hint Of The Idea Of Necrophilia. Creampie. Pet Names. Terms Of Endearment. "Good Girl." Used.
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You were bad.
That is why he was doing this.
Well not the only reason he was doing this. It was out of love. The sick, twisted, obsessed kind of love that only he could conjure up for you. A firm hand to guide you is what you needed and he could provide it for you. Even if you weren’t aware that you needed it yet he would make you see, show you that you needed him as much as he needed you and it was a need.
A deep, clawing, festering thing in his chest, black and sickeningly sticky and sharp thorny vines wound around his heart akin to barbed wire. You had been poisoning his brain starting at the stem and rising up until his mind was sitting in a cocktail of urges, of hormones and of you, wonderfully lovely, precious, you.
Yes you were someone truly unique and special. So much so his usual activities have fallen by the wayside. He had been so focused on you as of late, you were taking up most of his time and attention and he was having a hard time fighting it. You were so fun to get caught up in that he couldn’t resist.
Not like he fought hard to resist his urges. He was usually the type to seize what he wanted, a real go-getter who loved to indulge himself, he wasn’t going to just sit around and let what he desired pass him by.
He remembered the day he first saw you.
He was always so careful and purposeful in what he did, especially with his job, but even with the most meticulous and careful people things can fall through the cracks. He was out, taking pictures and later that night he was reviewing them and he saw you. Coming out of a coffee shop, totally innocent, looking a little preoccupied, the longer he looked the more he thought about you. Where were you off to?
He moved on but weirdly, he felt drawn to that picture. Keeps coming back to it. To you. What did you do during your days, for work, for pleasure? He wondered on and on and it took a few weeks before deciding that maybe he should get to know you better.
But that means finding you first and foremost.
He only had the picture to go off of so he figured that going back to that same coffee shop and waiting to see you come around again was the best bet, more than that, it was the only chance he had. So he continued going back to that shop, hanging out across the street around the same time he recalled taking the first picture and it took a couple of weeks but his persistence pays off. He sees you again and the picture did not do you justice honestly, you look even better in person. He takes a few more pictures of you through the window of the shop but he knows it won’t be enough. He needs more than a couple of images, that is what leads him to following you home, subtly of course, can’t let you catch on too soon.
Your place is nice.
Totally you. From the colours you chose, to the art you hung and the books on your shelves and even your bedspread it was so clearly your space. How people choose to live and decorate says so much about the person occupying that space and he soaked up everything that your space said about you.
It only got easier to fantasise about you the longer he watched and more so after the first time he stopped in while you were out. Your choice of soap and shampoo helped aid in those day dreams, knowing how you smell, your bed was so comfortable and he even got to indulge in some of your cooking via the leftovers from dinner you made last night left in the fridge.
The need to introduce himself to you became too much to bear when during one late night spying session he finally got to see you touch yourself. It was hot, very hot, seeing how you did it and moved, seeing you cum
But the way you went about it? Sooo inefficient, it took you so long and it didn’t seem like it did because you were purposefully taking your time and luxuriating in it.
It was clear you wanted to speed the process along but it was almost like you didn’t have the know-how or the confidence or rather something was just lacking to really make it click.
He could help with that.
He interpreted it as a clear invitation. Someone like you deserved to feel good, deserved to have everything you could ever want and obviously, that meant him. Even if you didn’t know it yet, he was going to make you see, make you understand and most importantly, make you feel. That was it, you needed to feel; going to feel pain and pleasure and fear and the whole, full range of human emotion on the spectrum and he was going to do it.
The first time he introduced himself to you was one of the best nights he has ever had with a victim.
How easy it was to break in, and how terrified you were, how much you fought and struggled, the fear in your eyes as he talked on and on and explained who he was and how he had found you.
That same fear that slowly relented and melted to pleasure. The fashion in which your body gave in to him as he touched and took and explored and that isn’t to even mention how hard you came. Leading up to it you were almost crying, body a shaking and leaking mess as you tugged on his clothes and you pant out over and over to him, “-don’t stop, don’t stop, PLEASE don’t stop-”
Until your words blended together into an incomprensible mess and you tipped over and were clenching around his fingers stuffed inside you as the orgasm took hold. He got you to beg him on the very first night, he knew he could show you pleasure like you’d never felt previously, he knew you’d needed him and you proved it right then and there that he made the right call.
You were too fun for him to kill, certainly not anytime soon. He was going to have a hell of a good time with you before that ever happened, as he continued to visit and break you down, he learned that you had this wonderful little mix of wanting more but not quite knowing what more really meant.
Again, that is what he was here for.
He introduced you to so much, got you invested and almost thoroughly addicted to what he made you feel, but much more importantly, to him.
He still made sure that you didn’t know anything major about him. You knew what his voice sounded like, when he had the mask on anyway, what his cum tasted like and a few minor things from conversation you had pre or post fuck.
You did know what his face looked like but you didn’t know that it was him. He couldn’t resist. He ‘bumped’ into you at the coffee shop and had a little meet-cute-esq conversation with you. He got off to it insanely hard in the bathroom of that same coffee shop after you parted. His body language and his voice were different out of the costume and knew you’d never catch on, but he knew and it got him rock hard.
He tried so many different things but as of late, one of his favourites was taking the main focus, he was seeing how far he could push you with denial. He loved coming by, touching and teasing, hurting, invoking fear and doing all those things he had discovered you’d loved over these past few months, working you up beautifully, getting you so painfully close only to deny you.
It started off easily. Edging you carefully a few times before letting you cum over and over and then edging you more and letting you cum less. He loved it, made him cum so hard, having the thing you wanted so much, the thing you were asking for, pleading with him for. Making you believe he just might give it to you only to again, at the very last second, pull the rug out from under you? Orgasm fuel like no other. The way you whined and cried, fan-fucking-tastic.
He might have gotten a little too into it.
Might have pushed too far.
One night he decided it was time, he was going to leave without you even cumming once after being brutally edged for around two hours. When you realised what he was about to pull, begging him to stay, to not leave you like this? He was grinning so wide. He had already cum twice and he could feel himself getting hard yet again watching you. Bared and sweaty, sitting up in bed in your tangled sheets, brows furrowed and reaching out to him, trying to beckon him back, “Please don’t leave me like this! Please help me, please-”
It was tempting but what he had in mind was going to be so much better, so fucking worth it.
“C’mon hon, it won’t be long. You can wait for me, can’t you?” He asked with a cock of his head and you almost whimpered and he said, “Think about how fucking good it will be when I help you out next.”
“I really don’t think I can-” You started and he said, “Be a good girl for me. Wait. Okay?”
You took a deep and shuddering breath and with your head dropping forward you sighed out, reluctantly, “Okay.”
“That is what I want to hear. No cumming on your own. Next one you have will be from me.” He let the smile on his face bleed through his tone.
He thought you were still afraid enough of him that the extra threat as he headed out the window wasn’t needed. He thought you were smarter and well aware he was always watching you. But you couldn’t wait. You managed some sleep but the next night you got off, you waited for him but once you feared he wouldn’t come that night to see you, the need overtook and you made yourself cum.
If you only waited just a little longer he would have swooped in and made you see stars. You rubbing your poor and empty cunt all alone in your dark bedroom, it was sad honestly.
Oh well.
You gave him a much better gift by disobeying him. A chance to try something he had wanted for such a long time. Once you were asleep he went home to get some rest himself, he knew just what he was going to do.
The following evening you were out with some friends, how perfect was that? He broke in the usual way, a little something in hand to help make this happen. Making his way to the kitchen, he filled the mould he brought along and walked it carefully to your freezer, found just the spot to hide it where you won’t find it and left it there. He didn’t linger tonight, tomorrow he would be here long enough, he left and stuck around till you came home and he was sure you made it into bed.
It was going to be such a good night tomorrow.
He bided his time and waited until you were in bed again, sure that you were almost asleep before making his way silently inside. He crept in, paused briefly at the front door, taking a moment, a deep breath, he was so fucking excited for this it was almost unreal. He looked down and saw your boots discarded in their usual spot by the front door. He had to admit it was one of the first things that he noticed about you, the fact that your boots matched his, maybe it was corny but he liked that. A pair of leather fuck off boots being what you wore on the daily mirroring what he wore when he was traipsing around in his killer garb, it helped aid him in being drawn to you.
He figured that he should start the evening off right, it had been a while since he’d done this and thought it’d be fun. He wanted you to come to him.
He knew just how to go about it. He reached back, and fucked with the handle of your door, loudly, opened and closed the door much less quietly. Walked not as stealthy as normal to your kitchen, messed a bit with the cabinets, could hardly hold back the grin when he heard your bed springs shift.
You heard the sounds and it terrified you. Sitting up in bed with a start, you totally heard the front door, who the fuck was that? Who was here?
You cursed to yourself, as you got out of bed, you paced for a moment before taking a deep breath, getting the bat from under your bed, you didn’t think about it, knew yourself and if you tried to think too long you’d get stuck. You had to go confront this head on. You left the room, heart hammering and palms slick with sweat.
He listened intently to hear you open your bedroom door, listened as you tried to walk quietly down the hall, your pace was slow. He waited until you were about to come into the kitchen and then he grabbed you.
One hand wrapped around your wrist and the other clamped over your mouth to muffle the scream that attempted to leave your mouth. You were so taken off guard you dropped the bat in your hand and struggled until you heard that familiar voice in your ear, and the cool material of that mask on the side of your face, “Evening sweetheart.”
Fuck. Of course it was him. You inhaled deeply through your nose, the fear didn’t completely leave but it did dissipate knowing it was him, body sagging against him.
He loved when you reacted like that. “Awe, awfully relaxed now that you know it's me. How sweet is that.” His hand released your wrist and slid down your arm and then your side until it rested on your hip, a soft squeeze as he said, “You sure that’s smart?”
A questioning hum from you with your mouth still covered until he pulled it away and said, “Just saying maybe you should be a bit more afraid of me honey. You might be getting a little too comfortable for your own good.”
That makes your heart thump again and you swallow. “You think?”
“Think? I know. I mean look at who you are dealing with. I treat you so sweet because it’s fun but who’s to say that is gonna last forever.” The tone was sharp, implication clear and the silence that followed after was heavy. The fear was back so intensely so quickly. Perhaps you had been getting a little too comfortable for your own good.
He had come by post his little hobby, come by with his mask splattered with blood, gloves sticky and too wet, streaking crimson across your body as he touched you. He would be reeking of iron and amped up on adrenaline and looking to expend his excess energy on you.
He was very dangerous and he was right, he’d been sweet on you thus far.
The tension was thick as you thought of one thing. Would it last?
He broke the silence with a long laugh. His arms wrapping around you, a tight hug, “Fuck, lighten up!” A weak smile broke out on your face as you told him, “Very funny.”
You pulled away, turning around and finally looking at him properly, staring up to see him in that usual white mask. Seeing him like this, you are reminded of that, shit, maybe you should be more afraid and not so comfortable. He was a stranger, a killer, and he breaks into your place to touch and play with and fuck you. He does it extremely well but still you should have more reservations, shouldn’t you?
One of his hands came up and was pinching your cheek, “I got you so good. Could almost feel your heart beating out of your chest and the nerves pouring out of you.”
“Yeah, you sure got me.” You dead panned as you squirmed, jerking your head away which he then took as an opportunity to pat your cheek condescendingly, “You are way too uptight tonight. How about you drag me back to that bedroom of yours so we can relieve a little tension?”
You think that sounded like a much better use of tonight.
So you find yourself taking him back to your bedroom. You sit on the bed and he is standing at the end of the bed right in front of you, “Shocked you weren’t dragging me back here right away.”
“Why’s that?” You asked, leaning back on your hands with a quirk of your brow and there was a slight cock of his head, “Because you haven’t cum in days and must be just dying for me to get you off.”
Fuck.
How had you already forgotten his last visit?
It was earlier this week for fucks sake. Him coming into your room and teasing you, edging you for two hours, the longest so far without letting you cum once and speaking of cumming once, he didn’t even grant you that before he took off. He told you to hold off till he came back to finish you off and to your credit you lasted a day. One painful, swollen, need filled day before you gave in and made yourself cum, finally breaking the tension before passing out. Then yesterday you had an average night, went out with friends and then that brings us to tonight.
Him here, expecting you a needy mess and you were very much not.
You knew he wouldn’t take kindly to that. You, ruining all his hard work.
He was testing you. That is what this was. If you confessed and admitted it then maybe he might go easy on you, he would still punish you but would make it not as intense.
He couldn’t wait to see what you did.
“Yeah of course I am I just-” You looked away, eyes on the ground, “-didn’t wanna seem over-eager.”
Oh this was perfect. “Over-eager? Is that what we are calling it now?” He teased. He didn't wait for a response, choosing instead to speak again to ask, "So you were good?"
You fought the urge to swallow and nodded, "Yeah I was." You were digging yourself in deeper but there was no way he could have known, he hadn't stopped by that night, you were fine.
You finally looked up from the floor, back to him, back to that mask, he was much closer, arms crossed over his chest. "Well then if you waited you must be really excited, so much so I'm worried."
"Worried?" You asked and he affirmed. "Yeah. Real worried. So I was thinking I should tie you up."
Your heart was speeding up again at the suggestion. "Tie me up?"
"Yeah. For your own safety of course. Wouldn't want you hurting yourself. That's my job."
You could hear the glee clear in his tone. You felt bad. You felt afraid of letting him tie you up and have you totally at his mercy but you were lying right to his face, disobeyed him, you should let him do this. A silent apology to help assuage some of your own guilt. Plus, part of you did find the idea pretty exciting but before you could express any of this his hands were on you.
Oh. He wasn't asking before. He was telling you.
The clothes you wore were stripped away and discarded till you were bare before him. He wasn’t rushing but he was being forceful and you didn't complain. You never did when he did this, you liked being handled by him, undressed by him. The way in which he’d feel you through your clothes lighting fresh fire in you, hands touching you after each article was taken off and tracing over every newly exposed inch of skin, not gently, no he was far more possessive than that.
Those same hands were pushing you back onto the bed and positioning you how he wanted, telling you firmly, "Don't move."
You knew you should take heed so you do. He pulls out the lengths of soft looking red rope and you wondered where he had been hiding that.
It didn't matter where it came from when he began to wind that rope around you.
This part he really lingers on. It’s careful and methodical and sure. It only increases your arousal. How sure he is. It is like he planned it, so confident in his movements, knowing just where to place the ropes and how tight to make them. Constricting, serving their purpose to help immobilise you without choking or cutting off blood flow.
He started low, ankles encircled and then knees, then thick, several goes around your thighs. Ropes around your hips, crossing over your chest, framing your chest beautifully, pressure on your breasts present and aiding in pushing them out just a touch, not uncomfortable but still very much there. The crosses of the ropes around and between and under your breasts forming a pentagram. More over your shoulders and more around your elbows and wrists and all of it pulled tight.
You were on your back, feet together, knees apart, thighs spread. Arms secured to your sides, more rope around your biceps and then loops around your elbows, your wrists secured and tied to the ropes at your hips. He went even further to secure a small loop around your middle finger, you could clench your fists but not move your hands at all. Your legs, your arms, all of you was tied up tight, the places he chose working just as he intended to make movement impossible, a few of those ropes were secured to your headboard, no way you could even wiggle off the bed, not like you could go far with how you were tied but still.
You were stuck to your bed.
And better still, totally at his mercy.
You felt so wet and he hadn’t even felt between your legs once. He had ignored that part of you very pointedly as he tied you up. Strong gloved hands felt you everywhere else except there as he tied you up. Your body felt primed, alive with sensation and ready, you felt so fucking ready.
Not a thing you could do. Fear and excitement were totally intermingled by this point, excitement was winning out but barely. He had taken so much time tying you up, it was methodical, weirdly soothing while it excited you.
He was double checking you were okay. Fingers hooking in different points of the rig, tugging, making sure it was strong, no give, but wasn’t going to cause you any undue stress from being in it for a long time. Again he would hate a few knots and miss ties on his part to potentially cut the fun short.
“I have to go grab something.” He stated once he was satisfied with the current state of the ropes. He turned to the door and once he reached it, hand on the knob he turned to look over his shoulder and say, “Don’t go anywhere.”
You exhaled through your nose before shaking your head, one of the only movements your body could still make, “Very funny.”
“I thought so.” He called over his shoulder as he swung the door open and strode out into the hallway.
He left you alone and went to the kitchen. Went right to the fridge and opened up the freezer, reached the back, moved the bag of frozen vegetables to find what he had left in there last night, totally untouched just like he thought it would be. He put it all the way to the back, sure that you wouldn’t find it and as always, he was right.
He walked over to the sink and worked it out of the mould, it came out perfect, rock solid, thick, and took the shape amazingly well. It was around seven inches long and one and a half thick oh he was going to wreck you with this.
A dildo made out of pure ice, long and thick, ridges and veins, a damn good imitation. Just the thing to tourture and punish a girl as bad as yourself.
He left the mould there and snagged one of your dish towels from a drawer, wrapped it up and made his way back to the bedroom. He leaned in the doorway and told you, “Got a surprise for you. Close your eyes.”
You gave him a confused look but complied, eyes falling closed and you listened. Hear him step into the room in those boots of his, until he was right next to the bed. “Good. Keep em closed.”
You then felt something that made you flinch. His gloved fingers running over your lips, he presses and instinctually your lips part for him. The leather feels cool as two of his fingers press down on your tongue, he forces your mouth open and you let him guide you. “Hold.”
You give a slight nod, holding your mouth open even as his fingers leave but your mouth is not left empty for long. You feel him pushing something in between your lips and forcing it down onto your tongue, the taste fills your mouth and it makes your brows furrow. It’s salty, musky, a little bitter too, you wonder what it is but then you feel more rope getting added to the mix. Keeping what felt like fabric in your mouth, a strong knot resting on your tongue, the wad of whatever the hell it was between it and your tongue. The rope was secured behind your head and tugged on, you were gagged now too.
“I’ve been holding onto these for a while.” You make a sound to question him and he says, “You know those sexy black panties you wore for me about oh, two weeks ago? The silky ones with the lace edges, low cut and so small?”
You gave a small nod and he said, “Well I dunno if you’ve been looking for them or not but the reason you couldn’t find them is because I held onto them.”
You move your tongue, you taste it now. It’s yourself that you are tasting.
“I didn’t clean them of course. I just love the smell of you, even added to the mess if you know what I mean, which I am positive you do.” Oh God. He took your soaked, dirty panties and had jacked off with them. You had the brief thought wondering how many times he had cum into them but in your current state it isn’t like you could ask.
It shouldn’t surprise you he is a filthy panty snatcher honestly. You are being forced to and gagged on the mess of the mix the pair of you made. No wonder he gagged you so you couldn’t try to get them out of your mouth.
“Alright, you ready to see your surprise?” He asked as he sat on the edge of the bed beside you.
“Mmf.” You really were curious what he had planned for you tonight.
You were about to open your eyes but what he did next made them shoot open of their own accord. You would have jumped if you were able to, not just from surprise but from the cold, what was so cold? Your eyes shot down and you saw what he was holding. In his black leather gloved hand was gripped what looked like-
No way it couldn’t be.
A very phallic looking hunk of ice that he was currently drawing circles with on your stomach.
What was he going to do with that?
Your eyes went wide upon the realisation as to why it was shaped the way it was. Your eyes looked up at him, pleading, a small shake of your head.
“Oh you think you are in a position to refuse?” He laughed, head tipping back. “No, no sorry you aren’t. I mean look at you.” The hand currently not holding the ice hooked in some of the ropes on your thigh and tugged, emphasising further your current predicament that was truly setting in.
You were gagged, tied down and unable to move, totally helpless and he had a dick made of ice that was already starting to leave cold trails of water in its wake that he was surely planning to put inside of you.
His fingers slipped from the rope and slapped you lightly on the thigh, “You couldn’t stop me if you wanted to.”
You were starting to freak out. He was enjoying the panic in your eyes as he slowly dragged the ice up higher and higher. He started to circle one of your nipples, watching as it hardened under the coldness of the object he was holding.
“So do you know why this is happening?” He asked and you were starting to clue in. He leaned in, hand cupped to the side of his head, ready to listen to you, still holding the ice to your nipple, and you would pout were it not for the gag. You made a few muffled sounds and wished you could squirm away as a few drops ran down the curve of your breast and he hummed, “Mmm no, can’t understand you.”
He sighed and sat back up right and moved slowly to your other breast. Circles that languidly closed in on your nipple and he said, “So I’ll just have to tell you!”
He was taking a moment to admire you like this. The fear in your eyes, the rise and fall of your chest, the water already running down your form and of course the ropes encasing you so beautifully.
“I came by the other night. So excited to see you, my favourite little play thing.” He tapped the end of his little instrument of torture against your nipple and you made a sound of protest behind the gag that he ignored. “I was all ready to sneak in and play with you, touch and taste, make you cum so fucking hard for being such a good girl and waiting and instead what do I see?”
He is moving the ice again, pulling it up, over your collarbone and your neck and you wanted to squirm away so badly, the chill was setting in now.
“I see an impatient writhing mess of a thing that couldn’t wait and just HAD to get herself off. Rubbing her clit practically raw in her bedroom, empty cunt and all alone. How fucking sad is that?” He sighed. “I was going to eat you out till you couldn’t think straight and couldn’t cum anymore but you had to go and ruin my plans.”
You whimpered, you should have waited, you would have fucking loved to have that and he is right. It would have been a much, much better orgasm on the end of his tongue rather than from your own fingers in your bedroom all alone like you did a few days ago.
Gloved hand reached out and stroked your cheek, making you look up at him as he asked, “What am I gonna do with you?”
A shake of his head as he pulled the frozen water away and you exhaled through your nose in relief. “I told you to wait, told you to be good and you said you would and you flat out broke your promise. I don’t like people who break their promises.”
He gripped your jaw hard, it hurt, it ached slightly and you felt the ice on you again. Tracing down between your breasts, you wanted to shiver but could not from how hard the ropes held you. “And on top of that I gave you an out and you lied about it. You could have come clean and I would have gone easier on you but no, you just couldn’t be honest.”
You were really, really regretting your choice in this moment as he went on, the fear was overtaking how excited you were earlier. Your heart was pounding, you clenched your fists, you wanted out, wished you weren’t tied up anymore.
“I can’t let that behaviour go unchecked, so obviously I needed to do something about it. Which brings us here.” He said with another sigh, he was clearly so displeased with you, the ice back on your stomach, you wanted to arch away from it but were unable.
“I am going to show you I am not a guy you can fuck with, not one to disobey and certainly not someone to lie to. I’m going to make you regret stealing that orgasm.”
You were so fucked.
You were sure he was correct and you were totally going to regret your choice.
“Enough waiting around, hmm? Only have so much time before this thing completely melts.”
He set it aside and said, “But first.”
You see him reach down and then pull up a strip of fabric, he leaned over you and lowered it over your eyes. Your world went dark as he blindfolded you and secured it behind your head. This was going to make it so much worse. You weren’t going to see what he was doing, where he was going to touch or put it.
This is hell.
A well designed and personally crafted hell.
“Now you are perfect. All ready for me to get started.”
You feel the mattress move and he gets off of the bed. You wait.
And wait.
And wait a little bit more.
The bastard was dragging this out on purpose. You were so fucking scared, this was going to be awful, what was he going to do and when was he going to do it?
You feel it first. Ice on your thigh and the want to jump again fills you. He must be on his knees on the floor because you hadn’t felt the shift again. Then on your opposite thigh you felt warmth, you placed what it was, his hand. He must have taken off one of his gloves to touch you with his bare hand and that isn’t something he did often. It excites you more.
He was tracing patterns with the coldness all over your inner thigh and rough palm running up and down the other, the split of the two feelings getting to you.
His hand moves up higher, you feel this thumb brush your clit, a jolt of pleasure shooting up your core and making you inhale harshly though your nose. He circles it a few times, testing the waters and the pleasure begins low and slow. His fingers move and two of them prod at your entrance as his thumb works you over and you wanted to arch your hips to invite him in but again, you can’t.
His fingers slid inside of you and you moaned. He’d lifted the dildo off of you, a small break from how cold it was and you focused on the warmth of him. Rubbing your clit and curling his fingers just so making you moan out behind the gag, your eyes shut tight behind the blindfold. It feels fucking good, really good, he is way too good with his hands.
He is loving this.
He is letting you get into it, enjoy the pleasure for a moment before he settles into ruining you. Another minute of careful stroking and fingering, curling into that sweet spot that makes you tense and your breathing go uneven. He is grinning to himself as he lines up the dildo, careful not to touch you and in one quick movement he switches. His thumb lifts off of your clit and the tip of his makeshift dildo touches down and you cry out behind the gag and clench down on his fingers.
Fuck! That is so, so cold. Your clit was so swollen from how worked up he’d gotten you, so sensitive so when he brought this in you really felt it.
He stilled his fingers inside of you. Circling your clit slowly, watching as you struggled internally, listening to the sounds you made behind your gag of pain and uncomfortableness. You were so hot, it was already starting to melt, rivlets of water running down your vulva chilling you further, pooling under your ass. You were clenching on his fingers so much already, he could only imagine how good it would feel to bury his dick inside you with the ice to your clit but no, not yet, he had to wait.
It was going to be so worth it.
“You're so warm inside.” He said easily, fingers sliding in and out again, another curl as he said, “I can’t wait to fix that.”
His fingers left you and you felt his hand on your inner thigh, a strong squeeze as he moved the ice dildo. He traced it up and down slowly, down one side of you and then up the other before running and splitting your lips down the middle and feeling that, the melting ice over your straining clit and down and over your leaking hole. You groaned behind the gag, you were already dying, how would you ever handle actually taking it inside?
“I think you’re ready, don’t you?” He asked as if you could respond to him. You shook your head back and forth as much as you could trying to communicate to him, repeating one word over and over even though it was unintelligible through the gag. That word is of course, “No, no, no, no!”
You were sure he understood you but like he was going to stop this.
So much water was coming off of the toy he’d crafted, running down you and onto the bed below, he didn’t lay anything down and you were going to be sitting in a puddle of ice cold water at this rate.
“Yeah. You’re ready.” He adjusted his position, you felt his fingers on you, he pinched your clit and you groaned behind the gag again at the stab of pain. Hand is now on your hip, holding you and the toy is moved down so it is at your hole, he runs a few more circles before he starts to slide it inside for the first time. “Remember, you asked for this.”
Your whole body tenses. You cry out behind the gag, eyes squeezed shut again, your fists clench tight as he slides it inside inch by freezing and agonising inch.
“Oh there you go, look at you! Taking it so well.” He praises as his eyes were glued between your legs, watching as your hot and tight little hole was forced to swallow up the frozen false cock. It was a very arousing sight, he was already so fucking hard but he felt himself throb in his pants at the sounds you were making.
He didn’t stop, he kept going until his fingers were gripping the base and as much as he could stuff inside of you while still holding onto it was inside your soaked slit.
You were unable to stay quiet. Soft and muffled sounds constantly slipping out, whimpers and attempts at curses as you needed some outlet since you couldn’t move. It was impossibly cold.
It hurt.
The toy was so big, the stretch of it felt even stronger because the toy was so freezing, so unrelenting. Ice has no give to it whatsoever and you were feeling it.
It was already hurting from just how cold it was. You wanted it out, you wanted the gag out too, you wanted to beg and plead, wanted to apologise and make it up to him somehow.
He slowly began to slide it out and you groaned in slight relief before he thrust it in again and you half screamed at that. Your walls spasming around the ice and your fists were clenched so hard, nails biting into your palms. “You look amazing like this. All wrapped up just for me and in pain, desperate to get away. So good.”
His tone was startlingly affectionate. You would normally love the praise but right now your mind is just screaming for it to stop, it hurts, it was so cold it burned and then after a few more short thrusts he was pulling it out. You moaned out a ‘thank you’ into the gag and then felt it. Heat, warmth, what was it?
Oh God.
His breath fanning over your inner thighs and your soaked slit.
That means his mask is up and his mouth is right there and you feel his tongue drag up between your folds and you gasp into the gag. His mouth feels so good, soft and hot in comparison to what he had been torturing you with.
It felt good from the heat but not much else. You felt numbed from the ice so there wasn’t much pleasure.
At first.
He didn’t stop.
He worked and ate you out, lips and tongue working you over perfectly. Tongue circling your clit, lips wrapping around it, sucking indulgently before pulling off with a wet ‘pop’ and leaning back in. His tongue sliding down, licking at your hole before running around it before delving inside and making you tense under him. He slowly warmed you with just his mouth. Worked until the cold was almost totally gone, until you were feeling blissfully warm and moaning into the panties soaked with your shared juices and your own drool.
It was starting to feel really good, like if he kept it up another minute you’d be close but then his mouth lifted up and you felt the ice take its place and your body tensed immediately.
No time wasted before he was sliding it back in. Not as slowly as before. Much more firmly and he slid it in all the way before pulling it out halfway and thrusting it back in, a steady pace set as he fucked you with it. Each thrust makes you cry out slightly. You sighed out, “You taste delicious sweetheart.”
You tried to focus on what he was saying, hoping it would make fucking you over and over as he said, “You are really good. It’s part of why I’m doing this. You just need to be reminded sometimes.”
You couldn’t help feeling weak, head tipping back as you listened. Him praising you always made warmth bloom in your chest and usually your cunt but right now it was hard with the frosty toy seated inside you. The toy was so cold he felt it through his glove, chilling his hand, he could only imagine how it felt inside of you. How bad it was.
“I do this because you’re worth it. Because I care.” He said it in a way that was sickeningly sweet and on it went.
He pulled the ice dildo out again only to fall between your thighs with his mouth first. He ate you out, tongue flicking over your clit and mouth sucking and slurping at your cold and numb flesh until he brought warmth and sensitivity back into it. He ate you out slowly and softly, the dichotomy between that and the ice dildo was not lost on you and you appreciated how nice he was being.
You were making a mess. He couldn’t tell what was water and what was just you.
You tasted fantastic and there was something weirdly refreshing about eating you out like this, how cold you were, slowly leaking water. He could keep doing this for hours. “You’re so wet.” He teased and you would roll your eyes if you weren’t so lost in the pleasure his mouth was providing.
He eats you out until you get close, body trembling from pleasure, on the very edge before he lifts up and the toy is back inside quickly until you are shaking from the cold. His warm un-gloved hand would grope you too, your tits, plucking at your nipples. Whenever he was using his mouth he’d give his hand a break and set the toy down, not caring for the mess it made leaking water onto your sheets.
He makes you feel incredible with his tongue, brings you unspeakable pleasure that steals your breath and then invokes terrible, chilling pain that makes you scream into the gag.
It takes three edges.
Three more times of switching between his mouth, getting you close and then switching to fucking you with that icy toy before you start to sob. Body shivering, biting that gag so your jaw was aching again and hot tears running down your face, your blindfold is soaked, drool leaked out of your mouth and onto your chest, gag totally drenched.
He loved seeing you cry. Literally loved it.
The sound, the sight, it was addicting. That partially melted dildo inside of you, tied up as you were, covered in freezing water, body taut and nipples straining from how hard they were, your wet face, the shake of your shoulders, the puddle under you was sizable too. He should get a picture of you like this.
He pulled the dildo out and set it aside, it had definitely lost a little length and thickness from how hard he was using it on you. He got his camera and you hear a few clicks cluing you into what he was doing. “I’ll be back to taking care of you soon. I just have to make sure I capture you like this.”
You hear a few more snaps and then a pause and him mumbling, “So fucking pretty.”
You hear him move around, get some different angles, feel his hand between your legs, spreading you open, then feel his non-gloved hand on your bound breasts and another shot taken with his other hand.
The tears were slowing, you were warming up just a little. Especially when his mouth was back on you. Tongue working you, winding around your clit just so in that way that always made you melt in a similar way to the dildo forged of ice. He went on. Tracing and flicking and the pleasure rose and climbed until you were warm and close again. So close. On the very razor's edge of what promised to be a spectacular orgasm, so close it made the edging session that got you into this mess look like a walk in the park. He was bar none the best you’d ever had at oral sex, his skill when it came to eating out was unmatched. Cumming on his tongue was one of the best pleasures you’d experienced in your life thus far and whenever he blessed you with it you truly soaked it in.
You needed it right now.
You thought he might be done torturing you.
You thought he might let you cum.
You were wrong.
His mouth lifted off your clit and the ice torture device was inserted back inside of you in one fluid motion and you hear the snap of the camera but you scream into the gag.
You fully break.
You sob and cry and scream over and over into the gag as he fucks you anew. You are making high incomprehensible sounds into your ruined underwear stuffed in your mouth. You want him to let you cum so badly, you’ve never wanted anything more, you’d do anything to get it, literally anything at all.
You were a total wreck. Your mind felt broken, you were brainless, felt your mind leaking out of your freezing cold hole around the ice still stuffed inside.
Your impressive display must have finally reached him because he finally says, “Sorry, beautiful. I can’t understand a single word you’re saying…”
His fingers hooked in the rope holding the gag in and pulled. The rope is loose around your neck and you push the panties out with your tongue. You feel something else cold, you recognize it immediately, his knife, slipped under the ropes and secured to your thigh.
“Keep in mind to watch that talented tongue or I might just have to cut it out.”
Your mind felt blank, as soon as the gag was out your mouth was ready to tumble out a series of expletives, ready to cuss him out and beg for forgiveness and pleasure and relief. The need for the ladder as well as the fear from his threat overtook the former.
You hiccup, inhaling shakily, “Puh-please, I-I need it out, pull it out! I can’t take it! I-I’m fuck-ing freezing! I cah-n’t stop shaking! I need a break!”
More tears fell as your cunts walls fluttered weakly around the toy inside, “I-I can’t do it! I’m so so, soooo sorry for not lis-tening.” You sniffed before shaking your head, “Please, please, M’ begging, make it stopp! I-I’ve learnt my lesson! I need to cum, I NEED it.”
He twisted the dildo inside and you sobbed, a true body wracking sob that makes the ropes creak in response and you begged, teeth chattering from the cold, “Pull it out, pull it out, puh-pull it out, out, out-”
“Oh you seem really serious.” He teased, he was eating up every single moment of this. Tonight has been way too fun so far. You were dying, genuinely worried about some serious damage, you felt so fucking cold, it hurt, not just inside but everywhere. Your skin was covered in goosebumps, you were shivering non-stop, breathing in short pants, trying to warm yourself up any small way you could.
“I AM really serious! Please! Please! Plea-” The last word broke off with another sob, your mind felt like it was about to break and you were just crying. Your throat felt too full of emotion, a thick lump making swallowing impossible. You just sobbed.
Wailed and sobbed and cried and he was aching in his pants. He needed to have you and needed it right fucking now.
He always got unbelievable hard and hot watching you cry.
He twisted the toy and pulled it out a few inches before giving one last hard thrust, deep, pulling another short scream from you and then he ripped the toy out of you. Everything that he did was so unexpected, still unable to predict any of it because you were still blindfolded.
You felt it leave and sobbed again, “Tha-thank you, oh my God, thank you-”
You were still shivering, still freezing, it still hurt, your breathing still a mess.
“Don’t thank me yet.” You feel it sliding into your mouth. Ice coated in you. It was so cold the slick that coated it was thick and stringy and tasted weird, different because it was so cold.
“Suck.” He commanded and you did so. You fellated the false cock, sucking at it, brows furrowed and you wanted to stop but at the same time, all the crying and screaming had left you thirsty, you drank back your own arousal and the cool water that melted down your tongue. It went down smoothly.
You feel his bare hand on your head, petting you gently, forcing the ice deeper into your mouth as you mocked a blow job, “Oooh just like that, there you go.”
The praise actually helped warm you slightly.
He pulled it from you after only another minute and tossed it aside. You couldn’t see him but you hear the sound of clothing being fucked with. Oh God what was he going to do now?
“Fuck, do you know what you’re doing to me?” You hear it. The heavy breathing, the strain in his voice. He was wrecked right now himself, very turned on, you feel him get back onto the bed. A brush of his hot cock on your opposite thigh from the one holding the knife in your rope rig.
He settles on his knees between your legs and you feel him prodding at your soaked slit and you tense, he feels so warm. You whimper and he nudges against your hole that clenches weakly around his tip. “Be good and take it.”
He told you firmly, one hand grips the handle of that knife and the other grabs your hip and he moves his hips and slides inside. You gasp from how blazingly hot he feels and he hisses, sucking his teeth at how freezing you feel.
Your walls are soaked and so cold and the stretch along with the heat of him burns.
It burns in a different way than the ice did. It was a confusing mix, relief but not. You were still hurting, sore, cold but warm, numb but not, it was too much.
He is fully inside you now. Buried balls deep and his head tips forward with a long groan of your name, you wanted to be closer to him, wanted to arch into him, you instead do one of the only things you could, moan in kind.
He holds inside you for a moment. He wanted to shiver the same way you were. Not because of the cold but because it felt so good, so different, he felt so much, mentally and physically.
“Fuuuck, so cold.” He groaned and he started to move finally. He began to fuck you in earnest. Pulling his hips back and then forward, only pulling out halfway before sliding back in, rocking in and out slowly.
His breath was warm over your face and his forehead met yours and you realised his mask was off. Not just pulled his mask up like he usually did when he ate you out. No, he had it totally off. You were still blindfolded and couldn’t see his face but just the knowledge that layer of anonymity he insisted upon was gone made your cunt clench around him as you moaned and it made him do the same. You felt the sweat on his forehead, the brush of his hair, you wondered what colour it was, what length, your mind briefly flitting over all those other details you poured over countless nights. You wondered what he really looked like and if you’d ever get to see it. If you’d ever see into his actual eyes instead of the ones of that mask he wore around you.
These thoughts were extremely short lived. The sensation overtook fully. The sharp edge of the knife to your thigh nearly cutting you, the snap of his hips, cock plunging deep into you, the firm grinds every time he is fully inside against your clit.
It doesn’t feel like it should.
He had that dildo in you a long time on that last round, you still felt very numbed but slowly, very slowly, you were starting to warm up.
He was panting now, his lips traced down the side of your face, teased the shell of your ear as he huffed out, “If I close my eyes it’s like you aren’t even alive under me.”
That stole your breath away.
Had he thought about that before? Had he done that before? Would he ever go that far, had he? Would he want that with you? He talked and teased it but would he ever actually kill you and if so would he-
His hand gripped the knife handle and pulled it out of the ropes, brought it up, held it to your throat, hips slowing, dragging out every thrust. You could start to really feel his cock, feel the beginnings of pleasure breaking through.
Your walls hugging his hard shaft was involuntary. It made him moan louder, “You wondering if I’d do it to you, hmm?”
You bite your bottom lip, a strained moan as you nod.
“God, I bet you are. But don’t worry.” He bit your ear lobe before saying, “If you stay my good girl, my favourite girl, you won’t have to find that out.”
You whimpered. He laughed, a rough thrust that made you cry out, before he said, “Again, that is only if you stay my good, fun, entertaining girl.”
He held the blade to your neck and fucked you harder. Rougher and faster. Fists clenching, as the small starting of pleasure broke and gave way to pain. “Ah! Sh-shit-”
You groaned louder, drowning out him as he took you. “Mmmf, I love when it hurts you, feels so good for me.”
“Please, ah! Please! Slo-slow down-” You begged and he laughed, a shake of his head, the hardest thrust yet as his knife tapped against your throat. Another shock of pain and an exclamation of fear that gripped your heart and made your blood run as cold as your cunt. His nose bumped yours before his lips brushed against yours so briefly before whispering, “No.”
He didn’t let up.
The knife was soon discarded, fingers instead hooking into the rope at your hips, using them as leverage, pulling you closer as he fucked into you. He was being as rough as he could, making you cry again, tears streaming down your face, moaning out his pleasure as well as filthy praise, “You feel amazing.”
You sobbed, body shaking below him, it hurt, so much, you couldn’t handle it, you were babble incoherently, “Please, st-sto, ahhhh, can’t-”
And he wasn’t listening, far too wrapped up and moaning that you were, “-so fucking tight.”
You wanted it to stop and judging by his breathing, the way his sentences were breaking apart, the pitch of his moans and the quick and sloppy thrusts, he was close and was going to cum. You swallow hard and somehow manage to find your voice again, a deep breath before speaking, begging him, “Wai-wait, please! Please I wanna cum! Please, pretty please?”
“Oh I dunno-” He hummed, he nipped at your bottom lip, tugged on those ropes and said, “I’m not sure you’ve-ahhh-learned your lesson.”
You sobbed again, a nod as you babbled, “I have! I have, I promise! M’ never gon-gonna disobey you ah-again.”
That is what he wanted to hear.
“Mmm, never again you say?” He asked and you nodded frantically, “Never, never, never-”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should be nice and take pity on you.” His hand was between your bodies, fingers pressed to your clit and you gasped. The pleasure hit so hard so fast, cutting through the pain from how rough he was being and you gasped, walls tightened, “Yes-Oh God!”
You were not numb anymore, able to really feel him and you wished you could wrap your legs around him, pull him close, arch, just do anything but you can’t, not tied like this. So again you did what you could, moaning out, “Thaaaaank you.”
He knew just how to touch and you knew in a few short minutes, even with the pain, you would cum, pleasure rose and you inhaled sharply, so excited for it to overtake you.
You didn’t get the chance.
His hips faltered and he groaned in your ear, “M’ gonna fucking cum, shit, yes-”
You shook your head, groaning out, panic rising. No, no fucking way he was going to deny you again when you were so close! You just needed another minute, “Ah, fuck! Wait, no! M’ not there yet, wait, ahhn-”
But you feel him tense, panting out, “-yes, cumming ugh-”
“No, no, no-” His hips slamming into yours one last time, moaning into your ear, holding all the way to the hilt and the warmth flooded inside of you as he came.
Your head fell back as you groaned, you could feel him throb inside as he unloaded, your toes curled and you whined, you were so fucking close.
Just not close enough for his orgasm to trigger yours. Cruelly denied yet again.
He stayed like that for a moment. Cock stuffed inside of you, his fingers untangled from the ropes and he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tightly. His nose buried in your neck, he inhaled and you smelt like sweat and desperation, one of his personal favourites.
You were still trembling as you sighed, walls weakly twitching around his slowly softening cock. “You did so, so great tonight.”
He pulled back, slowly pulled out and his hands went down, thumbs spread your lips apart and watched as the cum began to leak out. “Fuck, what a view.”
You feel his fingers, shoving the mess back inside, fingering his own cum back into your abused hole. Two fingers plugged your pussy as he reached behind you, snatched up one of your pillows and put it under your hips. “Don’t want you wasting any.”
“Oh no of course not, can’t have that.” You sighed out.
You feel his hand on your outer thigh, stroking softly, “Again you did so good tonight. So fucking good that I’m gonna let you cum.”
You perked up at that. “Really?!” You asked it so excitedly and he laughed.
“Really.” He confirmed and you feel his fingers slip out of you, they brush over your clit and you inhale harshly. You feel his lips drag down your neck, your chest and your stomach and then you feel his tongue flick over your clit. A small gasp of, “Yes-” His mouth would be perfect.
And then you feel it. Short and fat and somehow still not fully melted, that damn ice shoved back inside, plugging his cum inside and you scream.
He laughs long and low, twisting the end of the half melted dildo he asked, “So that orgasm of yours. Howssss, sometime next week sound?”
What an asshole.
#BHF writing#BHF Commissions#I DID ITTTT#AND I am caught up#Coms will open again soon!#Danny Johnson X Reader#Ghostface X Reader#DBD X reader#slasher x reader
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Prompt: Amity runs to the owl house after stressful events and ends up breaking down in the woods. Luckily Luz is there.
As a thrown hardcover book smacked Amity’s face, she knew she had to leave. Even though her mother was in the middle of a scolding, she knew it was unsafe. As she ran out the door, tears were on the verge of streaming down.
What caused all this to happen? Her mother was giving her a lecture about her hair again, and how it needed to be green. It somehow turned into a scolding about hanging out with Luz. Amity tried not to pay attention to it, but Odalia could tell and made sure her daughter was focusing on her by throwing a hardcover book in the middle of her forehead to get her point across. She was mad that her daughter was being “influenced” by a human criminal and needed to change that.
As Amity ran out the doors of the Blight manor, she could hear Odalia yelling at her and how she was in so much trouble for running away. The only thing on her mind as she was sprinting, was getting away to somewhere safe. Safe from Odalia, safe from judgment, safe from control freaks, and safe from being hurt.
However, soon, her legs started to grow tired from running and her heart felt like it was about to explode. That's when she realized what she had just done. The consequences of her actions had just caught up to her.
She stopped in the middle of the woods, and stood there. What was she going to do now? She couldn’t go back! Her mother would kill her! But she couldn’t sleep in the woods, an animal could kill her. And the ground she's standing on is dirty and uncomfortable. More of these anxious, “what am i going to do” thoughts, plagued her mind. Her legs gave out and she huddled underneath a tree with her back pressed up against its bark. She pulled at her hair to try and distract herself from them but it just got worse. She started worrying about things that she didn’t worry about before and everything just seemed super intense in the moment. Not to mention the yucky and messy woods she was in was seriously messing with her sensory issues.
It became harder and harder to breathe. She couldn’t even tell if she was breathing or hiccupping at this point. It all sounded so similar. Nothing she did could help. She tried focusing on Azura, but her mind still drifted and obsessed on how bad the situation was and what she was going to do. Trying to imagine how to solve this problem made everything worse.
The noises she heard from the forest felt painful and too loud or overwhelming. She pressed her hands to her ears and shut her eyes but she could still hear the noises. She could still feel the dirt and scratchy tree bark against her body.
Her breaths were loud and rapid. Tears streamed down her face and she choked on sobs.
A rustle from the bushes grabbed her attention. She snapped open her eyes and saw a familiar brown-ish grey grudgby jacket. Her eyes widened as she realized who this person was.
“Oh my gosh, Amity!” Luz exclaimed and tried to run towards the girl. Amity curled in on herself as Luz approached her. Luckily, Luz caught this behavior and immediately slowed down and entered with a calm manner.
“Hey, Hey, It's okay, It’s just me, Your girlfriend, Luz,” She said, moving a little bit closer.
Amity whimpered, still hiccup breathing. She made a strange noise next. It sounded more like a pained moan than a whimper (don’t be weird). Was she in pain physically? Or just really overwhelmed and that's the only thing she can get out? Maybe she was trying to speak?
“Sweet potato, I need you to breathe,” Luz insisted, trying to get Amity to open her eyes up a little to at least watch her demonstrate.
Amity could feel another figure enter the area but didn’t dare open her eyes. The other figure would probably make fun of her and call her weak. She couldn’t bear it.
“Hooty, go get Eda for me, please, tell her it's an emergency,” Luz spoke to the figure. It was hooty. That must mean Amity was in close perimeter to the owl house.
“C’mon, Ames, deep breaths, I know you can do it,” She instructed. It was still really hard for her and Amity was barely improving.
After a few more tries and encouragement, Amity's breathing finally seemed to be a bit normalized and she felt a little calmer. Well, enough to not wheeze for air. Her breaths were still heavy but not consciousness threatening.
“There you go, good job,” Luz held her hand tightly. It was grounding for the both of them.
Rustling came from the bushes and Eda popped out. She took a look at her kid comforting the baby blight and had some ideas of what was going on.
“Hey, bossy boots, you okay?” Eda kneeled down to her, recognizing the situation as a possible anxiety attack, Meltdown, or just crying session.
“N-not r-rea-” Amity stuttered but couldn't get the last letters out.
“It's alright, kid, you don't got to use your words.” She assured her. Amity nodded okay and melted into Luz's embrace.
“Let's get her to the owl house. Using context clues, I don't think she should go back to that manor right now,” Eda told Luz. The human girl nodded and helped Amity up onto her feet. Unfortunately, she had a bit of the case of the good ol’ jelly legs. She wobbled on her shaky legs before Luz realized what was happening and quickly scooped her up, just like she did in Grudgby.
Amity blushed, silently loving her knight and shining armor. She was distracted by Luz's strength and how close they were together that she hadn't even realized they were soon at the owl house.
She was placed on the couch to let Luz's arms rest while Eda grabbed a cup of warm tea for them.
“Can you walk?” Luz asked, stretching her arms out.
“I think,” Amity croaked, her throat hoarse from crying and hyperventilating. She stood up and her legs wobbled a bit but she managed to stay a float.
She was led to Luz's room where Luz gave her pajamas to change into. As she changed she liked how it smelled like her girlfriend. It was a sweet woodsy smell and she found it comforting. Luz made her feel safe and having the scent of her was like she was giving her a hug without the weight.
Amity’s words eventually came back to her and she was able to talk without much of a problem.
When they sat down in Luz’s room, Amity told her about what happened to send her into the panic attack. Instead of judging her, or calling her sensitive, Luz hugged her and swayed her, making Amity feel validated and loved.
“Your mom shouldn’t be controlling your hair, its unfair! She shouldn’t have thrown that book either. Can I take a look at your head, just to make sure nothing happened?” Luz asked once she pulled away from the hug.
“I don’t know…” Amity hesitated. She hadn’t showered since yesterday and she was just running through the forest. Her hair was probably sweaty and gross. She did NOT want Luz to go near her hair if it was gross.
“Come on, please? I want to make sure there's no damage,” Pleaded Luz. she was making puppy eyes and Amity just couldn’t say no.
Luz checked over Amity’s head and forehead, leaving Amity’s chin in her hands.
“Does it hurt when I press down?” She asked, pressing lightly on her forehead with two fingers.
“A little” Amity winced. Luz could tell it was a bit more than a little because she could easily see it starting to bruise.
After another small test, suddenly, Luz leaned over and gave the bruise a small kiss.
“Now it won’t hurt anymore,” She smiled as Amity giggled and blushed from the contact.
“Let's head to bed. If you want a stuffy, I got a whole pile in that corner,” Luz pointed to the back corner of the room where about 20 plushies lay. A lot of them looked like they were from the same brand and others were different. Luz had a bit of a hobby of collecting stuffed animals and often slept with some.
“I’ll be okay, I’ve got you,” Amity breathed before realizing what she had just said and light up red. Luz giggled at the sight of her tomato girlfriend.
“You’re so cute when flustered, I love it,” She chortled. Amity smiled. That might’ve been the best compliment she’s had in her life.
“We should really head to bed though, it's late.” interjected Luz.
After making sure Amity was comfortable with sleeping in the same bed, the two laid down and soon fell fast asleep.
#toh amity#lumity#lumity fluff#the owl house#toh fic#toh luz#lumity fic#the owl house fanfiction#I fucking hate hunter fics so much#theres way too many and theres always a new one every hour#we need more Amity centric fics and Luz centric fics#LUMITY FOR LIFE#lumity fanfic#amity centric#amity blight#autistic amity
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Hello. I hope you are doing well 💗
How to write flashback scenes from the main character's perspective?
I am sorry if there are grammatical mistakes. English is not my first language.
Writing Flashbacks in First-Person/Third-Limited
In fiction, flashbacks are a literary device used to illustrate past events as though the character is reliving them mentally.
The key to doing this successfully is transitioning the character (and reader) out of their present moment into the flashback, rooting them in the moment of the flashback, transitioning them out of the flashback, and rooting them back in the present moment.
Transitioning Out of Present Moment
When writing flashbacks in first-person or third-person limited, you want the reader to feel like they're living through the flashback along with the POV character, but you don't want to confuse them by doing it too abruptly. That's why it's important to transition into and out of the flashback so the reader knows what's going on.
Flashbacks are usually triggered by something in the character's environment, whether that's a person, place, or object--or even other sensory triggers like a sound, smell, taste, or texture. The character experiences the trigger and is then thrust into the flashback.
Rooting Them in the Moment of the Flashback
The difference between a flashback and a memory is memories are mostly one-dimensional, they can have a little bit of dimension, feeling like you can smell a certain smell or feel a certain thing from the memory, but it's not like really experiencing it except inside your head. Flashbacks are vivid and three-dimensional... all the sensory details are there, as though the character was reliving them.
You can root the character (and the reader) in the moment of the flashback by using those sensory details to create a sense of place and activity. What does the character see/hear/taste/smell/feel as part of this experience?
Transitioning Out of the Flashback
In much the same way you don't want the flashback to start too abruptly, you don't want it to end too abruptly either. So, once again, you want to use a trigger to transition the character (and reader) out of the transition and back into the present environment. It could be a sound (tea kettle whistling, phone ringing), a smell (toast burning, petrichor as it begins to rain), something felt (rain hitting their skin, someone tapping them), or even occasionally a taste (stomach acid, salt from tears.) It can even technically be something they see in their flashback that reminds them to snap out of it... like maybe in their flashback they see a child, and the child reminds them that they need to snap back to the present and pay attention to their own child.
Rooting Them Back in the Present Moment
Now that they've left the flashback and are back in the present moment, what are a few sensory details you can use to show them fully back in that moment? Maybe feeling the sun on their faces, hearing the children play on the playground, maybe taking a sip of the hot coffee they're holding. This helps to fully close the door on the flashback and reaffirm the character's full return to the present.
I hope that helps!
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do you have any thoughts on how things like Autism and ADHD can play a positive and/or negative role in relationships and sexual interactions especially in the BDSM D/s dynamic?
Hi :)
I have ADHD, we used to think CD also had ADHD as he was diagnosed with it previously, but we recently learned he was misdiagnosed.
We both have some autistic traits, but I don't think either of us likely qualify for the diagnosis. I find development really interesting so I've sort of been interested in learning about autism since I was in high school...but I don't know nearly as much as many other people. Anyway, I know some about both but I only really have experience with ADHD so this will be more ADHD focused and any of the autism stuff should be taken with a grain of salt.
Some positives that come to mind:
Clear communication. I think people with autism and/or ADHD both tend to be more literal and direct rather than speaking vaguely or in metaphors. I think there is a lot of benefit to having really clear communication in kink or d/s. It just lowers the risk of miscommunication and can increase intimacy which can be a really awesome thing, too.
ADHD can come with hyperfocus which can make BDSM or D/s experiences really enhanced if they're super locked in to the experience.
Passion. Whether it's hyperfocus in ADHD or special interests in autism, both groups can be really passionate about the things they are interested in. If one of those interests or fixations is BDSM or D/s, they can do a really great job of researching thoroughly and learning a lot, which can lead to better educated and ultimately safer interactions and relationships.
The ability to fully "unmask" can be really healing. I think the nature of BDSM and D/s can allow people to be more "themselves" than they might feel they can be in other relationships or situations. With kink not really being the most socially acceptable thing, by exploring kink, we're sort of rejecting some of society's expectations for us. Instead of asking what our relationships 'should' be like or what our bedroom play 'should' include, we can instead ask ourselves what we want and what is healthy for us and so on, and customize our relationships and intimate interactions based on those. And I think taking that same basic idea of...I'm going to set my goals and expectations based on what I actually want, what really works for me/us, etc - is a really good way to approach life in general when you have neurodivergence. Or if you don't, haha. But especially if you do! Cause we can't fit in the neurotypical box. I've found a lot of healing through d/s this last year. I should write about that!
Some mixed:
Almost everyone with autism (google says 90%), and around 40% of people with ADHD, also have sensory processing disorder. Which has pros and cons in my mind. Because on one hand, if someone is sensory seeking in certain ways, BDSM may be a great way to get the sensory input they like or need. On the other hand, people with sensory issues may have more sensory related hard limits or triggers that need to be worked around.
Some negatives:
Lots of people with ADHD (and I'd think maybe autism as well?) have regularly been criticized for their shortcomings. I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who had ADHD as a kid, especially if it wasn't diagnosed young, but probably even if it was - who don't have insecurities that were caused by unfair/unreasonable criticism. Although most everyone knows about ADHD, it's still not well understood. I was diagnosed at 13 or 14 but have just started to really understand what ADHD looks like for me this past year! For a long time I thought I was misdiagnosed because my experiences didn't mirror examples of ADHD that I had always seen/heard. Anyway, I feel like most people think ADHD means being hyper and not paying attention to the teacher in school, and "...squirrel!" right? but not everyone with ADHD has hyperactivity and even those who have the hyperactive type, often have a lot of other types of symptoms that most people don't recognize as being ADHD symptoms. Like sensory issues, memory issues, difficulty with task initiation, other forms of executive function, rejection sensitive dysphoria, impulsivity. And due to that lack of understanding and sort of...ableism, I guess, I think a lot of ADHD people have wounds related to being treated as if we chose to do things poorly or were careless, even though we did our best. Most of us have experiences of being criticized as if we were making immoral choices, when in reality we had shortcomings that we couldn't overcome on our own. And when you grow up experiencing that a lot, it seeps into your view of yourself and makes you insecure and sensitive to criticism. If you have that sort of wound, it can make D/s challenging because accepting respectful criticism or critiques are part of d/s on both sides of the slash.
Most people with ADHD experience rejection-sensitive dysphoria, similar to what I stated above. But yeah this can make it hard to accept criticism and not get defensive or overly hurt, which can make being submissive tough in some situations.
With SPD, that sometimes includes auditory processing issues which can make verbal communication more challenging. This could potentially be dangerous if a sub says the safeword and the dom has auditory processing issues and doesn't immediately process/understand what was said. In other situations it may just make communication harder.
I'm sure there's lots more, but hope this is a decent start. I'd love to see people with ASD or ADHD or both comment with their experiences. :)
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So in the bad future timeline in the movie, Donnie dies. I want to talk about the writing around that in the movie though. I just think it's neat. The scene I have been thinking about a lot is when he asks Casey about his future self, and is not directly told this, only that he *was* a genius. There are two versions of this scene: one where he catches on to that and asks directly about it, and one where he focuses on the praise. Obviously the final choice was the latter, and I think that was the best choice for the story the movie ultimately told. However, I find them both interesting writing choices that are very true to his character and work in context. I started thinking about this after watching the movie for the 13th-ish time recently and it’s been stewing in my brain all day.
Concerning the final movie choice, this fits very well into the context of his need and pursuit of validation. While not as strong as his desire for validation from a “parent-aged adult” he very much pursues validation from all angles. He does dramatic reveals, gives gifts, and is always happiest when he can help others and be reassured that he is doing well. The fact that he accepts this praise and validation over anything else is rather in character considering that although he has grown somewhat there are quite a few scenes in the show where he ignores warning signs when given praise. The first introduction to Big Mama and the episode Turtle-dega Nights come to mind specifically.
Donnie is also, however, very smart. Obviously. The deleted scene goes with this route. He is quick to catch on to the past tense and directly asks about it, and while never receiving a proper answer the message is quite clear. While not something Mikey might pay attention to, he immediately catches it. This option works with his being observant and attentive to detail rather than his seeking validation.
The writing utility of either is clear. For option 1 it makes the foreshadowed reveal that everyone died more of a shock to Leo, the focus character. In his later scene with Casey, that seems to be what gets him up and moving once again. Option 2 introduces the sense of danger earlier and would give Donnie more to grapple with himself. After all, he is not given as much as the other characters arc-wise, even Mikey. However, it also lessens the impact of the direct statement in the later scene.
The implications as plotlines for either approach are slightly different. The movie option gives us the cold wakeup call for Leo. It brings up something Casey clearly did not want to talk about that is not entirely out of the blue and something the audience could easily have recognized. There is enough foreshadowing that it is both expected and still a shock when it is said outright. Considering the opening, it does not need to be brought up in an otherwise lighter scene that will lead everyone right into the next scene that is considerably darker. While offering less for Donnie to work with, it isn’t like he doesn’t get to do anything to do in the movie already. He is consistently putting aside his sensory issues, protecting Mikey, and offering a realistic perspective to Leo. Not even mentioning the amazing parallel to the opening with him and Raph helping Mikey to save Leo, while they were not there in the beginning. I love themes. Another little writing choice that makes me insane but not the point.
The deleted scene implies two approaches in my mind. Leo either now has this growing doubt that leads to some fulfillment of danger that serves as the wakeup call, or he somewhat willfully ignores it until it comes back in the scene with Casey and is directly confronted with the truth. This also opens room for Donnie to have a slightly different struggle than what the movie used, as it could be something he needs to talk out or push out of his mind. Maybe the others are more protective of him, especially Mikey. Ultimately though, I don’t see it as entirely necessary as there were much larger issues they were dealing with and would probably have more interesting and relevant implications for the others than him.
Ultimately it is not a detail that sends the plot in an entirely new direction from the different possible sequences of events. The larger implications are just the way an arc is handled being slightly different, and I still love the movie the way it is now. My interest is moreso that these are both realistic reactions for this character, however far I’ve strayed from that point. He has often ignored red flags when offered encouragement, and he is observant enough to catch on to the implications of Casey’s grammar. Both are very in-character for him and take different traits to emphasize. That’s really cool. And that is my only takeaway. Interesting writing choices. It is not that important in the grand scheme of things but I’ve been thinking about this one detail for too long and I had way too many thoughts about it.
#rottmnt#tmnt#donnie#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#cant believe I actually posted something#however desperate times call for desperate measures#aka i needed to get this out of my brain#very badly#the picture is me writing this by the way#it just also happens to be from the movie#two birds with one stone#teenage mutant ninja turtles#but specifically the silly purple one
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I want to talk a bit about levels of pain and Intentionality. I feel like Philosophy Tube once had a video on the Ethics of intention or something but I can't find it anymore.
For a start I would like to present a concept of pain being something that happens inside the mind in reaction to states of the body. First anyone who tries to use this as a statement that pain is fully mental and we need to overcome it with our mind needs to meet me outside and we are going to test your "powers of mind". This also leaves us with space for both the truth that pain is a physical thing that happens to us and a possiblity to understand how mind plays into pain.
I consider myself to have a fairly high pain tolerance. Now I don't have chronic pain so your mileage may vary and I wouldn't want to step on those people's suffering or experience it but I can claim to have had eye surgery, pulled my back, and had an infected tooth rotting into my jaw over 3 days waiting for surgery. The last one was an 8 on my personal pain scale which we should take a little tour of. A 10 is roiling agony to the point of at least temporarily reducing the subject to being unintelligible. 8, the highest I have gotten to, is breaking out crying unwillingly sporadically. A 6 is the point that it becomes too distracting to do complicated tasks. Below this is not really worth the exploration.
Each pain intrinsically has distinct qualia which I term type(burning, cutting, freezing, pressure, bone, ache, "wrong"), amplitude, frequency, duration, and placement. Any of these can be distressing but they can all be acted on by another.
A pain that is only very uncomfortable (maybe a 4 on my typical pain scale) could end up much higher if it is constant and say, inside your eye. This is because your mental fortitude is being eroded and eventually you don't have a way to resist the psychic damage the pain inflicts. This, I think never having experienced it is also why chronic pain is so horrible.
But now to bring this back around to being about me and abuse. Did you think I forgot? Point is pain can be interpreted a lot of different ways and two ways that a pain might be increased or decreased is mental state or why the pain happens.
Let's try to exemplify this. Are you in a calm room and the nice person trying to get by just tripped and knocked you with their elbow? That is like a 3. It hurts and you notice it but it is not terrible.
You are discussing something with your spouse and their bowl of rice just shattered on the cabinet next to the microwave which hangs above the stove you were cooking at? Then the whole table is overturned leading to more broken dishes and then they slap you? This is less okay and even though this should hurt less it hurts much more. I would place it at a 5.
Basically if someone means to do something then not only does that have a greater moral weight behind it but also the environment in which something is done can cause it to hold a greater significance which makes even our basic sensory systems pay more attention.
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12 - do you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that?
I need tips! xD
YES i have severe adhd it's been real fun trying to function in a society
what i do (some tips are replicable maybe some r not lol):
write when i Want to.... ofc this urge doesnt always strike, sometimes u do have to go force urself through a block, but i will listen to a fic playlist or daydream about the fic and it will make me Want to write down what im thinking about. having that actual desire helps lol. bc then, even if my brain is having trouble focusing My Heart/Dick still want to write so im more likely to keep pushing instead of give up
borderline sensory deprivation honestly, i can't listen to music or watch tv or anything when i write or read or think, so i blast white noise in my headphones and get completely sucked into the doc lol
i make a separate desktop on macbook that is just two windows, the fic outline on the left and the doc or writing program on the right. that way if i go to open a tab to google something for the fic i dont see other windows/tabs of Fun Stuff i was doing before that might distract me lol
i use the Forest extension with all social media blacklisted so that when my attention wanders and i open a tab to go to twitter or whatever by muscle memory, the extension puts me back in my place with the big "Ur gonna kill ur tree if u proceed" screen and im like "UUUGGHHHH thats right im supposed to be writing FIINEEE ill go back"
know when and how to give up..... sometimes writing rly isnt working but it's still good to try, if the words arent coming out right i try to settle for like. ok well i'll open the outline and i'll read over that, or reread earlier part of fic, to see if it reinspires me. if its really not working (if ur too tired/frustrated that will show in the writing style ukno) ill at least add bullet points of what the next parts of the scene should be. maybe i dont feel like writing fancy pretty sentences right now, but i can come back tomorrow and see the quick idea i jotted down on what i was thinking of doing next and that gives me a good jumping-off point
it helps to have external accountability!!!! write with a friend holding each other to a certain time period of Working on it, or just open a sprint site that has a global sprint bc then u can see other ppl working and it feels like ur racing them. body doubling with adhd helps with this too, if u go to a cafe/library and see others working it keeps u focused (like im not gonna open youtube and start watching some stupid shit with others able to see over my shoulder, im gonna Open My Doc)
this last point is only applicable if u have a stimulants prescription for adhd (or buy it somewhere i guess lol) but i definitely am 20-1000x more productive when i take my meds. the hyperfocus is way easier to kick into. sometimes when i pop my silly lil pill i can write like 4-7k average in a 3 hour sitting
Best of luck... Never give up........ also helps i think to pay attention to what conditions work for u and replicate them, like where u write best!! last summer i got one of them fancy clicky raised key keyboards + a riser for my laptop and that made typing fun, ill probably return to it eventually i just have it packed away atm
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Anon wrote: hello! i really appreciate your work and it's helping me a lot. i think i'm an infj (i can't be sure yet but i'm 100% sure about having an inferior Se). this is a bit long but i came here with the hope that you can help me.
i was emotionally and verbally abused by one of my parents for about one year. the other one was supportive of me through it all but yeah it damaged me in a lot of ways anyway. before the abuse started, i went through a break up. i didn't love the person but it broke my heart to hurt someone else's. instead of crying i went to exercise to physically exert all the intensity i was feeling.
after the abuse started though, i got uncharacteristically defiant and really stood up for my beliefs unlike anytime before (probably never before). it's like i had been suppressing so much all my life, something inside of me just finally snapped. i ended up giving into the intensity and it made me feel incredibly drained afterwards but back then i just couldn't stop responding even though i didn't want to.
i just wanted to feel "in control" of my life. and not in the ways you would expect reckless teenagers to- in the way that i needed my own structure and didn't want someone else to micromanage me (constantly taunt me despite me doing everything right or at least in a way i knew would make everyone happy). they weren't emotionally consistent and often forced very contradicting advice. they controlled the environment in a way that made me feel like "all doors are closed." that mislead and confused me often.
for the context, this parent had been away for most of our lives and only when they came back did i see the abusive side of them. they had also abused the other parent in the past till they got su1c1dal and till this day mock them for getting treatment.
i slowly got tired of everything. i stopped giving attention to any unnecessary and illogical criticism thrown at me but also not act like i'm ignoring it + stopped telling them why they were being illogical and selfish. they stopped paying attention to me as well and that gave me more space to go back to my natural agreeable self but unlike my normal self now i had lost my inner vision (that used to drive me) and had trouble with responsibilities.
through this though, there was a constant confusion and even though i started "seeming" like my natural self i still felt a whole tornado of confusion relating to who i was inside of me. during the time it was happening, i wasn't feeling like myself, i felt so hyperactive it was insane. i couldn't sit and focus on studying for more than 20 minutes at a time at first. it was like an out of body experience.
keeping the abuse aside and looking at how it was affecting me: i ended up with highly unrealistic dreams. the only thing i saw myself channeling my energy included sensory indulgence (in my case physical exertion, despite not taking care of needs like good sleep, remembering to stay hydrated etc.) so i felt like i couldn't study and maybe i should just do a career that included it. wrong move, obviously.
after the abuse stopped: as i slowly started making friends, started asking myself important questions like "what are my values?" "how will my future career support my values?" "what exactly am i going to do with the hobby (that was my escape during tough times) that i want to turn into a career?" i realised that i wasn't on my path. my future career WOULD NOT make me or my loved ones happy so i changed my path back to my original path. the path that i was always going to follow before any of the bs happened, before that parent happened.
fast forward to my problem: one of my friends that i made after the abuse stopped was helping me with my anxieties by talking it out and stuff. i never told them anything about what happened, we only talked about my anxiety relating to the future. i had trouble getting stuff now unlike when none of this had happened and talking it out with them always put me at ease which helped me focus and calm down UNTIL i started getting burdening. it's like i started venting about things that didn't actually matter to me so i could avoid talking about the actual issue but at the same time let out the heat.
i mean mental/emotional health troubles can't exactly be solved like this right? i did the famous infj door slam on them (not that i wanted to but i couldn't bear the thought of burdening someone else with my issues and in that moment i was so unhealthily attached i couldn't stop myself so i just had to do it, i wanted my sense of independence back). my friendships had never been codependent before. this was new and surprising and deeply i'm ashamed of it.
right now, i'm supposed to be focusing on my dreams till i have the opportunity in front of me but i feel like i'm trapped. i got back into overindulging (this time through binging on food and netflix and sometimes i go on an hour walks while listening to music- maybe the latter is harmless though). so yeah, i keep distracting and fooling myself. i'm no more inspired like i was when i had my friend (or when i was younger and none of this had happened and i had my own vision to run after) but i didn't know this would happen if i left them. could i really depend on someone else to keep me inspired?
i just don't know what to do anymore. i've got much lesser time but i still want to do something but i got stuck in my old unhealthy ways of dealing with things again. the supportive parent (they're an istj) keeps trying to ground me and remind me to work hard but i'm not able to bring myself to do it. i see the potential in the opportunity but everything "feels" hopeless. not fulfilling their expectations hurts me as well + they were my dreams to begin with, which they treat like their own 🥺 i feel tired of my own self.
it feels like an out of body experience again but i don't want to miss this opportunity. i have a friend to go back to and this time as a friend not a whining broken child, a parent to make proud. i just want to be my normal self again and i want to meet my potential. i know i can do it i just don't know how to get myself out of this, whatever this is.
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Abuse is not nothing. It's extremely stressful to be actively treated as though you don't matter. One does not simply "get over" such trauma at the snap of a finger. Cut yourself some slack. Have compassion for yourself in the same way you would have compassion for anyone being bullied or abused, especially a child with no power to change the situation.
It is well-documented that when people are under extreme stress, their brains lose the ability to function well, which means they lose the ability to make truly rational decisions. On top of that, the pent up negative emotions (like frustration, despair, anger) have to go somewhere. Through tertiary loop and inferior grip, they manifest in highly distorted thinking patterns and out-of-control behavior.
This isn't to say that you aren't morally responsible for behaving badly - stress isn't a license/excuse to behave badly. It is to say that bad behavior is sometimes very understandable. Context matters. Through understanding where bad behavior comes from, the root of it, you can look at yourself and others with empathy. Instead of judging and blaming, you can use the experience to grow, and you can properly address the problems that led to the bad behavior.
In order to move on from bad experiences, you have to find a way to resolve them in your mind, to find some kind of closure. Many people say closure isn't possible because you can't change the past, but closure isn't about changing, ignoring, denying, running from, or resenting the past. As long as you still have very strong feelings and emotions about the past that haven't been properly processed, it's hard to move on.
Generally speaking, to achieve closure, you have to:
confront and process your feelings/emotions honestly (therapy may be a good idea)
address any long-running problems that caused or contributed to the bad experience
put the past in the right perspective that allows you to gracefully accept what happened
make a conscious choice to close the chapter and look forward to something better, with fresh eyes and an open heart
accept the fact that obtaining closure is often an ongoing process (and not some sudden epiphany that magically frees you from all pain)
As long as you're able to embrace your past as important experiences that contributed to your growth as an individual, negative memories can be laid to rest. You don't want to feel dogged by bad memories forever, right? Perhaps you haven't recovered or healed properly because you haven't properly addressed the past.
-Have you been able to make peace with the experience of being a victim? Do you understand that it was never your fault and you didn't deserve it? Do you understand that the abuse ultimately wasn't about you but actually a manifestation of the abuser's psychological problems? Do you understand that when something isn't about you, the best thing to do is step back, avoid taking it too personally, and view the entire situation more objectively?
-Have you made peace with the friend you doorslammed? Did you make amends or atone for your negative/hurtful behavior? Whether or not you can revive the friendship, it seems you at least owe your friend some honest reflection on what happened between you? If they are truly a friend, they should be able to understand and empathize. They should want to lay hard feelings to rest as well.
-Are you doing enough to honor yourself and your needs? If not, you won't feel at peace. If you want to live a meaningful and fulfilling life, you have to build your life from the ground up properly. The first step is to care well for your physical and mental health. Are you doing what it takes to get this foundation of yours in order, so that you can then build the house you truly want to build for yourself? When you don't take care of yourself, you won't have the right frame of mind to make good decisions, and you won't have the energy to walk very far.
-Do you have something to aspire to? It's hard to get moving in life without some kind of goal to work toward, something to look forward to every day. It doesn't have to be a "grand" plan. Start with a series of small steps, like establishing a better physical routine or improving certain skills. Work your way up to bigger steps as your recovery progresses and you have more energy for bigger goals. Make incremental progress in life to gradually build self-esteem and self-confidence.
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Hiya Danni! 6, 14 and 26 for Snape asks?
Hi there Krissy1! Thanks for the asks!!
6.) If Snape learnt another language, which would he choose?
Ooh interesting! I can see him wanting to learn all sorts of languages. A thirst for both knowledge, and power.
First I think Latin: primarily for necessity when it came to spellcrafting. Though I think part of it might also be the...vibe, I guess, the prestige of knowing a dead language. 100% for real genuine wanting to know, but I have to think part of him would feel a bit smug being able to tell people he can speak Latin.
Then I think for practical reasons, maybe French or German. A more common, useful language to have in his back pocket. Probably Russian, too. I can sort of see it being the most appealing to him. The sound of it, the rhythm of it. Maybe he has plans to escape to Russia, if worst comes to worst. And I think it would be fun for him to learn, since it necessitates learning a new alphabet.
He's so practical I think he would choose languages that would be the most useful to him to start, but Latin and Russian would be the most appealing and most fun to actually learn, whereas he might pick up others just because they're handy, or due to actual need.
14.) What do you think is Snape's favourite potion to prepare?
Hmm. I think there are potions he brews often because of need. And maybe he enjoys making them because he knows he wants/needs them, and he trusts his own abilities. Maybe he enjoys making certain things because of how useful they are not only to him, but to others; proving his use and his worth to other people.
Dreamless Sleep might be his favorite for personal use. I'm sure dude has trouble sleeping, and has nightmares when he does sleep. And if ever he has good dreams, they're bittersweet. He probably prefers not to dream at all.
Various healing potions for practicality. And maybe some part of him enjoys crafting healing draughts to counteract any misdeeds from the past. Making up for his sins one cure at a time. And the pleasure of knowing others are relying on him. "You need me to do this, and with this I prove my worth."
When it comes to the art of brewing, though...I don't know that I have a specific in mind. But I think there's a potion he's always pleased to have an excuse to make, because the process is a joy. It's a sensory experience, I think. The soothing routine of chopping and measuring and stirring. The ingredients are pretty, they feel good in his hands, they smell nice. The end result doesn't matter as much as what he's doing to create it.
But he has the most fun improving potions, or inventing them, I think. Using his technical skill and know how. Experimenting. Challenging himself.
Not sure I really answered this question well, but I'm not sure what he might call his favorite. But I can imagine there are different ones he prefers for different reasons, that fulfill him in different ways.
26.) What genre do you think Snape preferred to read?
Oh goody! I'm sure our man likes a variety.
I think he secretly likes a good romance, because he's a romantic at heart (whether he admits it or not); preferably darker romances, but at times the softer side soothes his bruised spirit. I also see him liking a good mystery; a good mystery. He pays extra close attention, looking for clues, seeing if he can solve it. Severus likes to be challenged.
He probably also really likes the classics, I think, Muggle and magical. Experiencing literature that had an impact on the world.
But I also think he really likes a good fantasy novel. High fantasy, specifically.
Part of it is seeing how Muggles see and portray magic versus what he knows magic to be. But I also think it gets his mind working. It gives him an idea of potential. Even if he's not making potions or spells shown in his books, they at least inspire him in some way. "Can this be possible, can that?" Broadening his mind, in ways. So it appeals on an intellectual level, looking at what Muggles are coming up with, and how they can benefit him. But then also the pure enjoyment of a good adventure story and exploring different worlds through fiction.
He loves Lord of the Rings, The Wheel of Time, and may he live long enough to see A Song of Ice and Fire end. But mostly he has to live to read The Kingkiller Chronicle...not only for the magic, but the gorgeous prose. That man will 100% be stalking Patrick Rothfuss' socials for updates on the third book. Complains to his husband Harry about it. Actually, he has to get Harry to teach him how to work social media just so he can find Rothfuss on Twitter. He'll be the first in line to get The Doors of Stone when it's finally published. He won't talk to Harry at all that day because he has to read his new book start to finish. Harry is very annoyed but also oh so charmed. Fixes him tea and snacks while he reads his book.
Wow I can sneak Snarry into any question, can't I? LOL.
Anyway, yeah...simple answer: high fantasy as # 1, though he reads a lot of different things.
Snape asks
answered: 22, 25, 27; 43, 45, 49; 6, 14, 26
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It's like yeah I know I was dx'd with ADD 14 years ago but still... Seeing ADHD reels on Insta/FB and going "what? That's not what everyone experience???" and also that people don't get how hard it can be to function in a society with these symptoms??
Example 1: Getting very ragey because of sensory overload at work. I know I can't have a fucking meltdown at work and I can't be aggressive or rude to people just because I can't handle noises or something. So I have to somehow just deal with being in a panic and rage while being professional. Because, you know, I want to actually have a job.
Example 2: having to do chores around the house and really really want to do them because you just hate it being Dirty and chaotic but fuck it if you can actually make yourself do it sometime soon.
Example 3: Having to try and handle being in a workplace among people who just seem to be unable to actually say what they want you to do and by when. You ask "okay, so how many of x should I do and when does it need to be done?" and your co-workers reply "oh, do somewhere around x to y amount and it would be good if you can do it sometime soon" and you keep asking for specifics and they just don't give you specifics and then you have to deal with trying to do something without proper fucking instructions or a deadline and it stresses you out and either you don't start the task until you get the clear answer or you do the y amount as quickly as humanly possible and then find out you nearly stressed yourself out when there was no rush and they didn't really need it or they wanted something else. Like damn, tell me what I need to do and I will do it. You just gotta tell me.
Example 4: please do not ask me to take meeting minutes. I can't listen and write at the same time. I will get distracted or miss things or just be too stressed out worrying about not writing the right thing to actually pay attention.
Example 5: I will remember a lot of random things but fucking hell I will not remember your birthday. Maybe not your name the first 5 times we meet. Hell, I forget my own siblings' birthdays. I might remember that one time you talked about F1 though.
Example 6: In a hyperfocus state I will probably do 3 peoples work in one day. without working overtime. However, if my brain says no, it's damned hard to get it done and it will probably be at a regular/slow persons speed. I am productive if I have enough on my plate to be stimulating, and probably not very productive if there is too little stimulation.
I have more examples. But those are the big ones, I guess. Socializing is hard, managing work and stuff at home is hard. Not because I am lazy or willfully obtuse or something. It is fucking tiresome. AD(H)D is not an excuse. It is not a trendy dx.
Repeat after me: a psychiatric disorder is something that cause distress and impairment of important areas of functioning.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
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Is it like sort of an autistic sign to think about if i feel stressed and like maybe i'll had a panic attack just because in was alone in the night waiting the bus and it was taking so Long and suddenly i start hearing the things happening around me like more loud than usually and it feels like it's all happening all at once and almost in my war but just if i feel things like stress or anxiety and then i feel Like very tired and don't want to see lights?
I just want to know, because that happened like three hours ago and i see that many of the things that autistic people say about their experiences are similar to mines but i've never go to a therapist or something to tell me and nobody apparently thinks that o have like weird enough behaviors to notice them and i'm tired of not knowing if there's a reason for the things that happen to me or if it's just me being like weak or something but i also don't have acces to a diagnostic and just want an opinion like for reference that it could be maybe not entirely my fault
Sorry if it's to much, but, in case you read it, what do you think?
okay, so. if I’m understanding you correctly, your senses heighten when you’re alone and anxious?
that can be related to general sensory differences in autism — a lot of autistic people have heightened senses in general. that being said, a lot of people (particularly people with anxiety disorders) experience a heightening of senses when scared. it’s a part of our evolutionary biology to pay more attention to the world around us when there’s a threat around. the difference is what different brains perceive as a “threat” (e.g. someone with anxiety or with PTSD considers more things to be threatening than someone without)
but, as always, things need to be taken in context. one individual symptom could be because of any number of disorders. something is more likely to be an autistic trait if it comes along with the context of other autistic traits
I wish you all the best, and I hope you find answers soon
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Not too happy with the ending on this one but here you go
The wind howled through the night air sending a chill down my spine, as I gazed up at what used to be the sign for the old Circuit City “Cult City” or at least that’s what it looked like now. I’d heard rumors that if you came into the abandoned circuit city at midnight a demon would appear and offer you a deal: “A piece of tech for a piece of tech”. It’s not exactly what I needed but I was desperate, I’d lost my Skyrim mod file that I’d worked weeks on to a corrupted hard drive, and if it took a demon to get it back, I’d do what it takes.
“You really believe there’s a demon in there?” Mac teased, raising an eyebrow and tilting their head. “No, but I figure it’s worth a shot after the guys at Best Buy turned me down.” I wanted the demon to be real, if the offer was really just a piece of tech then the E-Reader I just got should be enough, and 1 night of staying up late vs weeks of modding seemed like a way better deal to me. “Whatever loser, at least the store’s small so I can get back to bed soon,” Mac grumbles.
I cut the locks with some effort and a pair of loppers I “borrowed” from my parent's garage. The door creaked open softly kicking up dust from hinges, inviting the cold air to follow us inside. “Hello? Customer service?” I ask hesitantly. Mac stifles a chuckle, “Customer service?” “Well, you call the demon then!” I challenge. “Oh hell no” they counter. “That’s what I thought.” I can only hear my footsteps, breath, and heart as I pace the narrow aisles. “C’mon, let’s go there’s nothing here” Mac pleas. “Give me 15 minutes at least, we just got here… who knows, maybe the demon’s running late?” I joke. Mac just rolls their eyes.
I make my way towards a door labeled “Employees only, shoppers KEEP OUT” so, obviously I’m going in there, that’s where all the demon employees are. I gently swing the door open and face a wall of inky darkness and for a second I swear it drained all sound from the building. “It’s just a room Sam.” I reaffirm to myself. I take out my phone and turn on the flashlight, illuminating the room and revealing a large switch. I slowly walk in, still shaken by the sheer sensory deprivation that was the room before. Approaching the switch I spot a sticky note with “Main Power” lazily scribbled over it. Surely they’re not still paying the bills on this place? Right? I think flicking the switch, but sure enough, the second I do the fluorescent lights start to flicker on around me, temporarily blinding me in a white haze. “WHAT THE FUCK” I hear shouted from across the building. “Sorry!” I announce “Should have given you a little warning I guess.
I walk back into the main shopping area and meet with Mac. “find anything- demony?” I ask. “No, dumbass, just dusty shelves and trash. “Aww, it’s not nice to talk about me that way.” I pout. Mac starts to respond but suddenly turns their attention. “Do you hear that?” they ask, worry tinging their voice. I listen carefully for the source of their concern, what sounds like talking a few aisles away, multiple voices. My heart sinks.
I gently reach for Mac’s hand. And start approaching the noise, keeping them just behind me. I can practically feel their heart racing with mine as we scan 1 aisle… 2 aisles… 3 aisles… until we reach the very back of the store. “Televisions” was written on the aisle marker. I turn to look down the aisle keeping Mac behind the corner. “What the fuck….” I state, more than ask. The aisle was full of matching CRT televisions on both sides with the middlemost one on the outer side casting its ethereal glow from one side of the aisle to another. It was playing footage of some ceremony, there were people in robes surrounding a huge bonfire chanting something. “WHAT?” Mac pleas, the unsureness scaring them more than the noise at this point. I snap back to attention. “You’ll have to see for yourself” I reluctantly let go of their hand. As they walk around the corner. I follow closely behind them now and we both approach the TV. we both stared slack-jawed at the screen for what must have been just seconds but felt like hours.
My heart races as I watch the ceremony and before I can tell Mac that we should leave I suddenly feel a hand across my mouth and the soft fuzz of a CRT screen on the back of my neck. “Let me show you something” exploded into my head with the sound of countless voices and static.
My eyelids suddenly lock open beyond my control, and I feel his hand guide my gaze toward the CRTs on the shelves before me, as they 1 by 1 flicker to life. Static fills both the air and their screens. Static that slowly begins to take shape. I start to see the silhouette of a circle in front of a large mass of some kind, the static grows louder and starts to sound more and more like screams. Tears stream from my eyes from fear and pain, my eyes are so dry.
“Look deeper, boy,” he demands I try my best to focus and realize what I’m looking at is the earth… and something much bigger behind it. It’s a mass of wire and television screens that must be the size of entire nebulas. I feel the old E-Reader gently lift from my hand. And then I wake up at my house.
“Thank god, it was just a nightmare” I assure myself. I decided to calm myself down with some youtube and boot up my pc. Only it thinks my password is incorrect, to my horror, I entered my old password and the desktop is just the way it was.
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ohohoho i need to get my embarrassment out so hopefully my brain stops thinking about this but lmao like its a lot.
so i went to a convention this past weekend, cosplaying as per usual, and it's sunday, the last day of con, i'm standing outside of one of the last scheduled panels of the day. now, it's been a LONG weekend. I con crunched late for the past week, i got like 2/3 hours of sleep, then 6, then like 4 hours the days of the con. i am sensory overloaded badly. it's not great. social skills have been eroded to basics since the day prior or perhaps even friday. i had a headache start about 45 minutes prior and knew it was going to turn into a migraine at some point within the next few hours. honestly im kind of a mess and just barely holding in there. also important: i'm with a friend that is a hugger. this will come into play later.
uuuh readmore cause this is long
ok, so i'm outside this panel and someone comes up and goes a kurogiri has been looking for you (i assume just a shigaraki cosplayer and not me specifically) and this group of friends would like to get a picture. which of course i say yes, sure of course. so i walk over. at first i see some non kurogiri cosplays and then turn slightly and see a kurogiri walk up. EXCEPT my peripherals and middle of my vision is obscured due to shigaraki's wig. i see this someone walk forward and arms moving and my brain just,,,, short circuts? and goes "oh, hug". i think "eh that's a little weird" but keep in mind that i've been around someone who is a hugger, combined with the body language, my social skills being so far degraded, and my processing time being slow didn't think past that. so i basically hug a complete stranger. very nice, nothing said about, i take objectively a terrible cosplay photo (as i said, basically out of it and couldn't think of a pose? despite having done many shigaraki poses)
anyways, you might think oh not that bad. but one of the other cosplayers in that group i had run into on friday and exchanged instas with, and turns out i know from tktk????? and also i know the kurogiri???? (as in i've seen their content on tktk, i don't personally know them or anything and i don't follow them). but now????? now???? it's not like it's random con goers and as long as i'm not early series shigaraki i'll never be recognized, nono! we're all active on social media! the kurogiri is mutuals with one of my best friends! i can't! unmortify it.
the best part? it took me 2 hours to fully process that "wait, maybe i interpreted that wrong and they weren't going in to hug a total stranger".
2 WHOLE HOURS. and then after relaying this mortifying mistake my friends pull up the "cosplay =/ consent" and goes "omg I'd be mortified". meanwhile the previous friend i mentioned basically goes "no it's fine i don't think you misread anything" but? they don't have any hesitance with physical affection and i don't know if they were paying attention really so there's a chance it was more platitudes than anything else. anyways, mention that i'm mentally drafting up apology and both friends go "don't fucking do that at all. if it wasn't embarrassing before it'd certainly be bad bc of an apology"
SO basically: i can't stop thinking about this situation but there's also? nothing i can do? friends said don't contact and so i'm just sitting here wanting to melt into the earth and cry. doesn't help being tagged in photos and now ??? do i act normal in a comment? like?
plus, there's tons of con guides ppl post on stories like what they're ok being called or referred to or touching (in regards to person, props, ect) so?!?!? there's a real possibly i not only hugged a complete stranger but violated a boundary (badly) and they've already made clear? (i mean that's not my fault for not knowing as i don't follow them, but it's more the fact that boundaries are something that are talked about a LOT with cosplayers and due to my brain just. not working. i probably fucked up real badly.)
the best/worst part? i don't like being touched by people at all ever. i just accepted a violation of my own boundaries (or i guess perpetrated?) to conform to a social expectation that didn't even exist in the first place and was probably very uncomfortable for this person as well.
also. the cosplayer i exchanged socials with, we mutual followed one another on friday/saturday and now i'm just like. they know my online persona. i'm going to become that weird person that they have a story about i just…. the full weight settled on me and i don't know how to deal with it? other than just try to ignore it.
(side note: i posted a general "sorry if i did/said anything weird this weekend" kind of thing on my story but that's it.)
trying real hard to keep identifiers out of this but geez idk how well i did.
#the bee talks#i'm not necesarily asking for input but if anyone has something to say in regards to this feel free to message me#tdlr: i hugged a stranger at con due to me (almost certainly) misreading social cues BUT we're both active on cosplay social media#so now i don't know what to do or how to exist.
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how they fuck hcs: captains edition /// Bokuto, Oikawa, & Kuroo x f!reader (18+)
Haven’t done headcanons in a while but this is the defining edition & long asf ♥︎ you can picture me sitting at a folding table with a huge “change my mind” sign if you want but if something else I’ve written contradicts this, don’t @ me lol 🤡
Tags/warnings: all characters are adults, established relationship/boyfriend, various kinks (size, praise, light degradation, brat stuff, oral fixation, sensory, etc.), power dynamics (dom/sub), threesomes, titles (senpai, sir), orgasm control, kinda chaotic ngl, mentions of past manwhore behavior, includes what they’re ‘not into’ sexually but this is subjective and could change w/ context!
Bokuto Kotaro
Bokuto’s really nice and also stupid hot so he’s probably sooo ran through like king you don’t have to hook up with every girl who asks how big your hands are 😭
Honestly he kind of gets taken advantage of because he underestimates how much he’ll connect feelings w/ sex and always ends up a tiny bit heartbroken when girls tell him he’s ‘cute but not relationship material’
Obviously this is pre- meeting you though. Once he starts seeing you he’s truly obsessed and doesn’t even register other girls flirting 🥺
Anyway the point of this is that you’d probably think he’s clueless in bed before you fuck him. Like okay of course he’s going to be enthusiastic and of course his dick is big but does he have the skill? Can he back it up ?? but since he actually has a lot of experience the answer is yes, yes he can
Also yes, his dick is big (a strong competitor for biggest in hq imo)!! and he doesn’t want to hurt you but he also doesn’t have such a good awareness of that possibility. He loses that awareness sometimes when he’s feeling you around him, wanting more of that feeling so bad it’s hard to pay attention to anything else
Praise praise praise! Bokuto needs affirmation—needs you to tell him his cock is so big, feels so good inside your pussy filling you up, needs to hear how good he is and how much you want him 🤍🤍
He gives praise too but it doesn’t even register as praise to him, he just says whatever comes to mind when he’s inside you and it comes out of his mouth sounding like worship
A moaner. None of that fake shit though, Bokuto’s just naturally loud—whining and groaning and panting your name in your ear when he cums inside you. He’s not subtle and even though he’d be embarrassed if your neighbors asked him to keep it down or something, he can’t make himself care that much in the moment (honestly he kind of wants people to hear—his voice and your voice and the sound of his bed frame smacking against the wall every fraction of a second while he fucks you)
Physical contact is so important to Bokuto. He wants to smother you with his whole body on yours, feel your skin touching his in every place it possibly can because he needs to be covered in you and vice versa. He’s gonna be putting his full weight on you until you tap out and tell him “okay I love you and I need you but I also kinda need to breathe” :0
Let’s be honest Bokuto’s a sub-leaning top, no? He loves topping you, loves moving with you and changing pace and positions to get deeper but he’s also super into you telling him what you want him to do to you. Same with kinky stuff—he doesn’t really come up with it himself but if you say something like “hey um what would you think if I wore handcuffs next time” he would be soooooo into it and would not be able to focus on anything else for the foreseeable future because he’s too busy fantasizing about it
Not incredibly possessive but he has his moments. He might get a bit insecure in group settings/threesomes bc he wants to be your #1 but he would be down for a threesome with someone he really trusts (like maybe Akaashi 😳)
Kissing is a must. If you stop kissing Bokuto he’ll tell you “hey—hey, kiss me, kiss me right now, fuck, I can’t, please—please just kiss me okay?”
Cockwarming. Enough said.
favorite position: missionary or lazy doggy/lying down doggy, basically anything where he’s lying fully against you and he can feel every movement you try to make and how you’re breathing. Wants to feel your heartbeat while he’s fucking you. When he starts dating you he has a fantasy of falling asleep with his cock still inside your warm, fucked-out pussy, but he’s too embarrassed to bring it up on his own at first
kinks: praise, duh. Creampies if you’re on bc. Bokuto’s into Shibari aesthetically but he’s not good at tying the knots :< Also roleplay? esp things like you dressing up as a school teacher and him as a student >///< but all in all he’s pretty happy with vanilla sex. Intimacy and care for one another are really the only things that he considers absolutely necessary in his sex life 🤍
not into: sadism—Bokuto has a really hard time causing you pain even if it’s something you’re asking for. If you want to try S&M he’ll do his best but it will take a lot of negotiating and reassurance on your part for him to give you more than a half-hearted slap on the ass and he’ll never get super into it. See also: no-kissing sex and degradation—not his thing, never been a fan, not into it—it just ruins the vibe for him and it makes him sad. But in the end he’s a puppy dog and he will do anything for you if you ask him sincerely ♥︎
Oikawa Tooru
If “service dom” had a definition in the dictionary there would be a little picture of Oikawa next to it. He jacks off fantasizing about how good he can make you feel more often than the other way around
It’s easier that way—if for whatever reason he can’t actually fuck you for a few days, he can at least get himself off remembering how your pussy clenches and drips on his fingers when he makes you cum
Up until meeting you he was kind of a serial monogamist so he has the most serious relationship experience of anyone on this list. Even though he wishes he’d met you sooner, he’s still grateful for those experiences bc it makes him a better bf to you ❤️
and also. it makes him better at fucking you.
Oikawa knows you so well. Your reactions, the subtle changes in your expressions and the little twitches in your muscles that tell him what you’re feeling and where. You have no opportunity to hide anything or hold out from him—he can basically read your mind while he’s fucking you. So when he asks you things like “oh…you liked that, didn’t you? you got—mmh, got a little tighter baby—you want me to keep doing that?” he’s not asking because he really needs to know—of course he knows. He just wants to tease you and make you squirm
In his mind sharing is caring!! Oikawa definitely gets hard thinking about fucking you along with his friends/teammates. It’s a mixture of wanting to show you off (his perfect, sexy girlfriend, the way you moan, the way you cry, the way you feel when you cum—he should get to brag about how lucky he is to have you, right?) and wanting to give you every kind of experience and pleasure. Watching you fall apart on his cock can be even more fun when you’re trying to take someone else’s too
He’s typically very secure and doesn’t get jealous in threesomes. It helps that even though he doesn’t come off like a hard dom per se, he does prefer to take on the ‘highest’ dom role in group scenes even if it isn’t obvious at first. He likes to be in control and he gets a kick out of teaching the others how to fuck you & thus proving that no matter who’s touching you, you’re still his at the end of the day
Stroke game is immaculate. Oikawa knows your body better than you do—knows when you want it rough and fast and nasty and when you need it slow and deep. His dick has a nice curve and he knows how to use it, very good at finding your g-spot and paying extra attention to it
Likes edging you and sometimes himself too. Oikawa’s so good with your body that it really doesn’t take much to make you cum…like come on, he wants to enjoy it, doesn’t he? And you get so sensitive after you finish—it should make sense that he wants to make it last as long as possible. Oikawa could get you off anytime, easily, but he prefers to drag it out until you’re trying to touch yourself and begging him to give you that release, because it’s so much better when he does it. You look so cute like that ♡
Little bit of an oral fixation. Likes to make you suck his fingers and spit in his mouth. Likes to bite and leave hickeys and lick. “If you really love your girl there’s no part of her body you won’t put in your mouth” 100%
Making you cum is way more important to him than cumming himself. Yes, he loves the feeling of cumming all deep inside you, but he’s always going to put your orgasm first. As long as you’re with him you’re basically guaranteed multis every night
Praise but it’s condescending. Degradation but it’s affectionate. In the end, it all comes from a place of love ❤️
favorite position: anything where he can see your face and has a pretty good amount of control over the movement, like you on your back on a table or missionary with your legs on his shoulders. Likes some nice deep penetration and access to your clit, he’s all about that blended orgasm 😌
Oikawa really really wants to look at your expressions and talk to you during sex (not…conversations, but he needs to be able to tease you and make fun of you!!) so he prefers face-to-face positions. Eats pussy with you upright whenever possible, e.g. you sitting on the edge of a bed with one foot up and the other on his shoulder
kinks: Oikawa is pretty adventurous and has tried a lot of different things in the past, but what he really wants is to do all of those things with you. Favorites are the praise/degradation combo (his specialty) and light bondage along the lines of cuffs or gags (not so much full restraints unless it’s a special occasion—he likes changing position and anything too complicated makes that difficult). Oikawa has a thing for titles and would definitely appreciate being called ‘senpai’ or ‘sir’ as the mood hits you. All in all sex is supposed to be fun and playful and he wants to explore all the different ways he can make you feel good <3
not into: Oikawa is actually pretty down if you want to dom him but he’s kind of annoying as a sub so be prepared for that… Also he’s not a good candidate for angry sex/break-up sex/fight sex because he gets carried away with his emotions and has a bad habit of taking it too far with degradation/control when there are unresolved issues between the two of you :( However he’s aware of this & so he’s usually careful to keep sex off the table if his emotional state is going to make things sketchy—your comfort/safety/pleasure are his #1 priority during sex and always ♥︎
Kuroo Tetsurou
Kuroo has suuuuch a high sex drive, but it takes him by surprise when you two start dating because he’s never really felt this way about sex? Before you his sex life felt pretty boring honestly—he jacked off a few times a week to mediocre porn, passed through his occasional hookups and maybe even a few relationships, had sex that he always felt like he should enjoy more than he actually did
And then you. Jesus fucking Christ. Every time you sleep together, it’s like a revelation—so this is what it’s supposed to feel like? this is how it’s supposed to be?
It doesn’t really make sense—Kuroo was always fulfilled with his sex life and he thought he was having pretty good, even really good sex, but it’s so different with you. He wants you all the time, wants to be fucking you all the time. Even when he’s inside you it feels like he’s not close enough. It’s torture, but he loves it. He’s a grown ass man but when he’s with you he feels like a hormonal teenager
Sex is super…sensory?? for Kuroo. Like he thinks your voice is so so so sexy and your body is so so so perfect and your face is so so so cute. The way you moan makes him dizzy and when you’re away, he gets hard listening to voicemails of you saying his name on repeat—“bye Tetsurou, I love you—Tetsurou—Tetsurou—I love you—“
At this point he rarely even jacks off anymore because the real thing is just so much better.
Kuroo’s in love with your body and the way it moves. Doesn’t give a fuck if your titties/ass are little or big or whatever, he wants his hands on your skin at all times 💙 Kuroo loves sleeping in bed with you and if the two of you are spending the night together not a single second passes when he’s not petting your waist or grabbing your titties like a security blanket. Body worship is par for the course—foreplay isn’t complete if he hasn’t kissed every inch of you and given you little lovebites on your ass your chest your inner thighs…
Very very fixated on your pussy. Kuroo eats pussy like it’s his life’s calling. If he had to pick between only receiving head or only eating pussy for the rest of his life it would be sooo hard to choose—he’d agonize over the decision, stay up all night thinking about it because he loves the way you suck his cock BUT ultimately he doesn’t think he could live without the taste of your pussy. His life would always be missing something 😔
“Come sit on my face right now baby, I wanna taste you”
Honestly he’s terrible abt it bc he’s really good but he does not. let up when you cum. Maybe a few minutes in you’re already squirming and pushing your cunt up away from his face and crying because “Tetsurou Tetsurou please, I’m cumming, I—fuck!” and your pussy gets so wet and sensitive so how is he supposed to let you go when you try to pull off?
Nah nah nah, quit trying to move. He barely got a taste, and you’re think you’re going to get off easy? Kuroo’s using all that volleyball strength to lock his arms around your thighs and keep you riding his tongue until you’re squirting and squealing. So adorable, so yummy. Unless you give him the hard ‘no’ he’ll be down there for hours before he finally gives in and fucks you—nothing better than your soft, squishy wet pussy clenching around him with the aftershocks after you’ve cum so many times you couldn’t even stand up by yourself if you tried <3
favorite position: you sitting on his face and 69 are both pretty high up there. For proper fucking, Kuroo’s partial to doggy—the view is a big draw, not to mention access to your ass. Also a big fan of you bouncing in his lap with your boobs in his face
kinks: overstimulation. Kuroo’s very into teasing you so he gets off watching your bratty little protests turn into incoherent whining with his tongue pressing over your clit or his cock halfway into your guts. He’s also a bit into public sex/exhibitionism—closing the blinds and fucking you over his desk on his lunch break, petting your pussy while you try to talk on the phone, christening bathrooms and back hallways at every fancy restaurant and club he takes you to. His addiction to your body definitely manifests as a desire to record you at all times too—he wants to take videos of him fucking you, you masturbating, you crying out his name while you cum, anything he can use to get off you when he can’t have you live and in person. Whatever nudes you send him are his most prized possessions
not into: any kind of restriction/orgasm denial/edging on your part or his. His goal is to make you cum as much and as often as possible, so it feels counterintuitive to put that off. Same goes for anything under the umbrella of neglect play or staying apart from you. Also, Kuroo thinks he’d be open to sensory deprivation stuff like being restrained or being blindfolded, but in practice anything that prevents him from seeing you and touching you is a no-go. Dummy is just too obsessed ♥︎
#haikyuu x reader#oikawa x reader#bokuto x reader#kuroo x reader#haikyuu imagines#oikawa tooru#bokuto kotaro#kuroo tetsuro#oikawa tooru x reader#bokuto kotaro x reader#kuroo tetsuro x reader#oikawa imagines#bokuto imagines#kuroo imagines#oikawa tooru imagines#bokuto kotaro imaignes#kuroo tetsurou imaignes#hq x reader#hq imagines#haikyuu headcanons#hq headcanons
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So, I have this problem I'm not sure how to fix, but I often feel like my writing comes off as shallow and/or repetitive. Idk if I'm explaining this in a way that you can understand, but the writings I admire the most are the ones where you have beautiful quotes and you can feel things and you want to highlight those quotes, and I want my writing to be like that, but I often feel like it turns out "feelingless", like it's just a bunch of random description and you can't really tell how the +
how the character feels or it's all really flat and not quote worthy, if you get what I mean? So, if you could help me maybe write something more meaningful, I guess, I would be so glad! Thanks for all the work you do, it helps a lot!
Writing More Meaningful Prose
Some writing problems can be solved by implementing a single step or short-term method. Others require implementing various things over the long-term, and this is one of them. In other words, this isn't something you can improve overnight or over a short period of time. However, if you implement some of the following advice, you can improve it over time. This is how it is for all writers. :)
1) Read. Read, Read, Read... Read
It sounds like you probably do read, and that's good. Keep doing that. Keep highlighting beautiful quotes. Keep paying attention to the things that move you when you're reading. If something strikes you as being the kind of prose you want to achieve, highlight that, too. Analyze it. See if you can figure out what strikes you so much about it compared to your own writing.
2) Plot and Purpose Matter
If you feel like your writing is flat, nine out of ten times it's because you don't even know what you're writing about. You may have a basic story idea, but you don't have a solid plot. You don't have fleshed out characters. You don't know their motivation, goal, internal conflict, or their character arc. You don't know the obstacles they'll have to overcome, and how, or who put them there. You don't know the themes and motifs you want to explore, and you don't know what your readers want to take away from your story. Without all of those things, you can't have the kind of meaningful, vivid prose you're looking for, because that kind of prose stems from conflict, emotion, exploration of theme, etc. You need to know where your story is going before you can give your writing meaning.
3) About Theme and Motifs...
One of the things that makes those quotes you love so beautiful and meaningful is that they speak to what the story is about. They're not just random quotes about how pretty the sky looks or how much one character loves another. For example, the themes in Tomi Adeyemi's Children of Blood and Bone tie into the numerous real-world systems of oppression being dismantled by today's younger generations. For example, here is a quote that I found to be particularly powerful and beautiful:
“They don't hate you, my child. They hate what you were meant to become.”
― Tomi Adeyemi, Children of Blood and Bone
The quote speaks to the themes of prejudice, inequality, sense of duty that feature so heavily in the book, and that relationship to theme is what gives this quote its beauty and power.
4) Remember the Sensory Details
Something that is often missing in flat writing is sensory detail. Here's another quote:
“They wear their secrets like glittering diamonds, embroidery woven through their lavish buba tops and wrapped iro skirts. Their lies and lily-scented perfumes taint the honeyed aroma of sweet cakes I am no longer allowed to eat.”
― Tomi Adeyemi, Children of Blood and Bone
This quote hits on so many sensory details:
Something we can "see" (Sight): "glittering diamonds," "buba tops," "iro skirts."
Something we can "touch" (Texture): embroidery, woven, wrapped
Something we can "smell" (Scent): lily-scented perfumes, honeyed aroma
Something we can "taste" (Flavor): sweet cakes
Something we can "hear" (Sound): there aren't really any sounds in this quote, but I think "their lies" does lend a bit of "sound" to the quote because you can almost imagine lies being spoken.
5) Time and Practice
The hardest of all of these for most newer writers to hear is that the kind of writing you want to achieve takes time and practice. You can implement the tips above and it will help, but they won't make your writing instantly stellar. As you implement these tips, however, learn what works for you and what doesn't, and start to hone your own personal style, you'll find that your writing begins to improve over time. You start to eventually see the kind of writing you admire so much in other books.
I hope that helps! ♥
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stages of love | j.jh
Pairing | jung jaehyun (nct) + female!reader
Rating | M
Genre + Tropes | college!au, romance (angst, fluff, smut)
Warnings | explicit language, alcohol consumption, instant love?, sexual content (drunk sex, receiving and giving oral, penetration, cow girl position, nipple play), greyzone fidelity
Length | 15k+
Summary | A playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart
(Or; your relationship with Jung Jaehyun in ten songs.)
Note: ahhhhhhh!!!! we finally did it boisssss. this fic has been a long time coming and honestly im sick and tired of jaehyun. i’ve spent too long thinking about him for this fic smh. this is also my first time writing smut so we’ll see how that goes lmao. anyway this was a long labor of love so please let me know what you thought of it !!! <333
1. Peach by IU
smitten at first sight.
“How can I explain this feeling?”
“Alright, I think that sums up about everything we need to cover for today’s lecture. Remember, most of this will be on your final exam. Any questions before you’re all dismissed?”
Your professor looks up from the board, scans the room and all he sees are most of the students waiting with bated breath, itching to leave the class, and half of those students having already packed their belongings in anticipation. He held them back an extra twenty five minutes today, which is notably longer than previous lectures in which he delayed dismissal.
“Okay, you’re free to go. Chapters nineteen and twenty are due the next time we meet.”
You breathe out a sigh of relief, ready to head out with the rest of the class. You like Professor Jang and find that he makes history somewhat digestible, but he has a tendency to lose track of time, which is inconvenient, but more so today since you have agreed to meet up with Yeri. You glance at your phone to see text notifications and curse to yourself. You’re already ten minutes late and Yeri is many things and impatient is one of them.
You’re one of the first out of the small lecture hall and you shoot her a quick reply before making your way to the oncampus cafe. Through quickened strides and shortcuts engrained from cross-campus treks from class to class, you arrive in record time. You’re slightly out of breath and impressed by your speed, but you stop, frozen in your tracks when you see Yeri’s displeased face. You find her situated in a small, but cozy corner next to the windows, already unpacked with notebooks and papers strewn on the desk ready to review for exams. It's one of the best study spots in the cafe and you immediately know your best friend had to come extra early to nab such a sought after table.
“About time,” she scowls, “what took you so long?”
You shoot her an apologetic look, “aww, Yeri,” you pout your lips a little too dramatically, “I’m sorry. I just came from history and you know how Professor Jang is.”
Yeri looks at your jutted lips in disgust, but then her face softens in consideration. “Hm, I do know Jang.” She scrunches up her nose remembering her time in his class last semester. “That old man can talk for days on end and he never lets anyone leave class early. I guess I’ll let you go this time.”
You beam at her knowing she’s no longer angry for your tardiness. “Great, drinks are on me today. It’s the least I can do for being late.” Yeri forgives as easily and as quickly as she loses her temper. You learned this after a few weeks of being her roommate.
Yeri says nothing in silent agreement and you place your stuff down across the table next to the chair she reserves for you. You pull out your wallet and weave through the packed cafe to head to the order counter. The line is long and you patiently review the menu. Your roommate has consistent tastes and always orders a vanilla frappuccino regardless of which cafe she goes to, but you base your decision on your mood. You mull over your choices and by the time you reach the barista taking your order, you decide you’re in an ‘iced Americano’ kind of mood today. You have exams on top of exams you need to review for and a stronger caffeine kick is much needed.
After paying, you head back to the table with two drinks in tow. Yeri takes her drink and after you both take a few sips and catch up for the day, you dive straight to work. The two of you decide to review for statistics.
Between re-summarizing chapters and answering review questions, you muse to yourself about how your college experience thus far hasn't been that much different from your high school life. You didn’t necessarily hate high school, per say, but it was safe to say you didn’t enjoy it. Your heart was in the arts, specifically music, and you had found studying the core subjects to be boring and tedious. You remember being ecstatic to have been accepted and enrolled in a performing arts college, foolishly thinking your days of solving differential equations and memorizing chemical formulas were over. You specifically remember daydreaming of your hours being filled with keyboard practice and composition notes and only such things. Somehow the reality of mandatory general education courses slipped your mind when you constructed such fantasies.
Despite frivolous and preconceived notions of college, you have already survived a semester and you are nearly through your second.
“Hey, do you remember when this stats assignment is due?” Yeri’s inquiring voice snaps you out of your brief reverie and you search your cluttered brain for a date.
“Uh, I think it’s due, like, a few days before the final, but I’d have to double check.”
Yeri nods. “Alright, well let’s take a small break. We have some time till then, we don’t have to finish all of it today.”
You happily agree and set down your pen. Yeri takes a sip of her frappuccino and you lean over the table to get closer to her. “Anyway, did you hear about what happened with Jiwon and Youngjae from the entertainment management department?”
Her eyes glisten with wicked interest. “No. Do tell.”
Break time is always synonymous with gossip hour between you and Yeri.
You spend the next fifteen minutes dishing what you know and Yeri offers her own input whenever she feels fit.
“And they think they’re being discreet, but the whole dorm knows they’ve been sneaking around, but guess wha─” Before you can finish your sentence, you are cut off by a loud and energetic voice calling out Yeri’s name.
The two of you look up to see a slim and boyish brunet waving to Yeri and excitedly making his way to your table. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can’t quite place your finger on it, so you let it go.
He smiles happily at Yeri and greets her. “Hey Yeri, how’s it going?” He notices you there and gives you a polite wave, which you return in the same manner.
Yeri replies back breezily, but with her full attention. “Good. Did you need anything, Mark?”
He flushes just the slightest bit, but it doesn’t escape your eyes. “Erm, nothing I just wanted to remind you that we’re meeting for the music theory project tomorrow at four. I would’ve texted, but I forgot to get your number in class, and I saw you here and thought it was a good opportunity to tell you.”
Yeri’s eyes widen, “ah right! I completely forgot about it. It’s a good thing you found me here today, huh? Here, I’ll give you my number.”
She reaches her hand out her hand expectantly, and Mark is confused before scrambling to pull out his phone. You can tell Mark looks flustered while Yeri is calmly putting in her contact information. After finishing, she hands his phone back, “okay, all set. Just shoot me a text so I have your number as well. Thanks for reminding me today or I probably would’ve forgotten and not have shown up or something.”
Mark smiles again, this time a little more sure than before. “All good. I’ll see you tomorrow, Yeri.”
They wave goodbye and you watch Mark scamper from the cafe. Your eyes follow him, but Yeri is already focused on you again, paying Mark’s retreating form no mind.
“So…” you start.
“So?” She returns.
“He’s cute.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she shrugged. “I barely know him though. We have music theory together, but this is the first time we’ve talked all semester and we’re only talking because we got paired up for a project.”
Yeri seems apathetic and you study her closely. You notice she’s acting a little too stiffly carefree to be truly indifferent to the situation. You can’t help, but to tease her a bit. “Well, make the most out of this project then.”
Yeri gives you a hard look and you decide to let it go despite finding your best friend’s situation to be amusing.
“Anyway, keep telling me about Jiwon and Youngjae. You never finished.” Yeri changes the topic, knowing that you might decide to pester her again if she doesn’t.
“As I was saying,” you started up again. A figure outside catches your attention and you peer outside through the window past Yeri’s shoulders. You realize it’s Mark and you watch with interest as he gestures excitedly, pointing to something in his hand, you assume his phone, to some of his friends. From there your eyes wander absentmindedly from one person to the next, and it’s when you see him.
The reaction is almost instantaneous.
“Like you were saying?” Yeri urges, but her words fall on deaf ears, for all your attention is captured by the boy next to Mark with heart-shaped lips.
When you see said boy laugh, you notice he has moon for eyes and you unconsciously suck in a sharp breath. You must have been staring too intently without noticing because he turns his head in your direction and you two hold direct eye contact. Like a deer caught in headlights, you freeze and lose all rational thought. Your head is completely blank. You have never seen someone so beautiful and your mind does not know how to process any sensory information at the moment.
Someone calls the boy away and the entire group of friends leave. It’s only then do you find yourself releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding onto so tightly. Your heart is pounding and you feel as though blood is rushing through your ears.
“Hello?” Yeri sounds annoyed, but you struggle to find the words to answer her.
You feel a sudden heat rush to color your cheeks a vibrant red and a feeling surges through you that leaves you out of breath and weak at the knees. A steady warmth washes over you quietly and you feel it deep within yourself and you can’t help but let out a small laugh.
How silly, you muse. Not to be dramatic, but you think you’re in love.
2. Shadow by f(x)
adoration from afar.
“I’m really really into you.”
The next few weeks are packed to the brim with assignments and papers, but despite this, you still find time for your personal research into the boy who was with Mark that day.
Being the obvious first and easiest option, you beg Yeri to ask Mark directly about his friend, but she immediately shoots you down.
“No. Absolutely not. At least not anytime soon anyway,” she huffs. “I’ve barely held two full conversations with him, like hell the next is gonna be about his friend just cause my best friend started thirsting over him after one glance. I mean come on, girl.” She shakes her head at you.
Yeri’s right and you apologize to her for being thoughtless of her situation. She doesn’t say it, but she seems really hopeful about the music theory project and what might bloom from it. You would not want to impede on such possibilities of happiness for your friend, so you let that option go, but Yeri promises to help in other ways and she does.
Somehow between caffeine fueled cram sessions and sleep deprivation, you, with Yeri’s help manage to find out more about the boy. You casually ask around in your contemporary writing and production department and she offers help by searching her vocal performance department.
You find out his name is Jung Jaehyun and he’s a third year in the musical theatre department and that he’s a member of the local chapter of the performing arts fraternity on campus. You also discover his Instagram handle and you find yourself skimming through his page throughout the day more often than you’re willing to admit to any living soul.
You occasionally see him around campus since you first saw him at the cafe and each time, you can feel your heart hammer in your chest and you become so flustered to the point of your sympathetic nervous system activating. Unfortunately for you, your body unconsciously chooses flight each and every time at the sight of Jaehyun because you can always feel your knees go weak and your body lurch away to escape in any direction that isn’t Jaehyun’s. You kind of hate yourself each time you do, but you can’t help it. He’s just so pretty that it’s intimidating!
You try to think positive after the bouts of shame you experience after each escapade.
Well there’s no way to embarrass yourself in front of him if you run away before having the chance to, right?
Even thinking about it now in the comfort of your bed, you can’t shake your self-consciousness and bury your face in a large pillow resting on your knees. Your cheeks are burning and you don’t know what to do.
“Hey, why don’t you just talk to him, instead of moping all day and stalking his profile like a creep.” Yeri’s crisp words cut through your musings and you glance up to see her entering your shared room in the dorms.
“Shut up. It’s not like I have a benevolent match-making professor who happens to pair me up with my crush for an end-of-semester project.” You retort back before sighing dramatically, “I literally have no excuse to talk to him. We’re not in the same year or major. We don’t even have mutual friends. Unless, y’know, you and Mark hit it off, who knows.”
Yeri sits down next to you on your small twin bed, resting her head on your shoulder while letting out an equally dramatic sigh, “yeah, well, Mark’s so dense, all the divine intervention in the world isn’t going to help me.”
You let out snort, “what’s up with you two anyway?”
“Y’know, I could’ve sworn he was into me and I had a chance with him, but every time we meet up we literally only work on the project and nothing else. Every time I sort of tried to do something I get shot down. Like I told him I was kind of chilly today in the library, and he looks all thoughtful for a moment but all he ends up saying is ‘yeah, all the buildings on campus are always cold, huh? Good thing I always bring a jacket with me. You should bring one too next time, I don’t want you getting cold.’ And then he just turns back to the project like nothing. Can you believe him?” Yeri complains and you swear her annoyance is palpable. “And every time I text him to hangout, he thinks it’s to work on the project. I honestly can’t tell if he’s really that stupid or if he’s just not into me.”
You laugh at her unfortunate, but undeniable state of love affairs.
“Really? That bad? I remember him being all blushy when he asked for your number,” you recall. “And you should’ve seen how he looked when he showed off he got your number. Well that’s what it looked like anyway, I could be wrong.”
“Well, at least I’ll get a good grade though. Mark is nothing if not diligent and hard-working, with him being a double major and all.” Yeri sounds resigned however, she sighs again, this time more frustrated and you hear the determination in her voice. “Alright, after finals, for sure we’re gonna hit the clubs. We need to let loose, have some fun.”
You agree with her to appease her short temper, but deep down you feel disappointed. You feel sorry for your friend, having genuinely wanted Mark and her to work out, but a small and selfish part of you felt sorry for having no bridge to Jaehyun at all if it didn’t work out between Yeri and Mark. Looks like you were stranded now and you’d have to find a way to Jaehyun one way or another, but your line of help ends here.
Shaking away such negative thoughts, you think to yourself how soju bombs and dance floors don’t so bad after such an intense exam period after all. It will definitely take your mind off of things for sure.
And even though you say this to yourself, you know your mind will still be plagued with Jung Jaehyun no matter how much you try.
3. What Is Love by EXO-K
careful contemplation.
“I can’t explain what I feel.”
“Mark, tell me you did not.” The disbelief in Johnny’s voice made the situation all the more hilarious and even Jaehyun, who’s the calmer of the two, couldn’t suppress the guffaw from escaping his lips.
The tips of Mark’s ears flush a light pink and he tries to deliver a convincing argument, but all that comes out is a meek stammer, further driving Johnny up the wall.
When Mark came up to his and Johnny’s room asking for advice, Jaehyun had an idea of where it was going to lead, considering Mark’s clueless disposition and inexperienced track record, but Jaehyun had no idea it was going to be this bad.
Mark, having developed a crush on a fellow vocal performance major in his music theory class, came to Johnny, his frat big, to spill his guts and ask for advice constantly. Being Johnny’s roommate, meant Jaehyun was also privy to all the details of Mark’s love life and he had no problem giving advice to the amusing first year student, which Mark appreciated because going to Johnny meant a clowning session before he could get any useful nuggets of information.
When Mark’s music theory professor randomly assigned the two for the end of semester project, Mark was one part excited and two parts nervous, resulting in a frazzled mess. He has been going up to the second room on the right of the second floor of the frat house almost every other day to ask for advice since then.
Johnny was thrilled when he initially heard of the project, already envisioning his little’s love prospects, stating something along the lines of “my little’s gonna get laid!”
However, now looking at Johnny rubbing his temples in exasperation, Jaehyun can tell that his roommate’s initial enthusiasm has dissipated.
Mark’s daily roadblock today consisted of his crush giving him the cold shoulder and being much more snappy than before in the project meet up earlier. Mark recalls Yeri’s anger toward him and racks his brain for an answer. Even Johnny and Jaehyun are stumped at the sudden behavior, assuming that things were going smoothly from Mark’s previous reports filled with clumsy, but endearing and ultimately positive signs. It’s only when Mark offhandedly mentions her so-called ‘strange’ comment about the temperature, does it become clear why Yeri’s attitude suddenly shifted so drastically.
“I mean, I don’t know what I did wrong.” Mark’s second attempt to defend himself has Johnny flaring his nostrils in indignation and Jaehyun has to turn away in an attempt to stifle his laughter.
“Dude, she’s so into you. Or, at least she was, I don’t know about it anymore.” Johnny starts after calming down. “She left herself wide open for you to take a clear shot and you effectively said to her face, ‘thanks but no thanks’ and then walked away. No wonder she’s pissed, I’d be pissed too.”
“Well, what was I supposed to do then?” Mark counters.
“Mark,” Johnny begins, his tone dry and coarse, “you’re killing me.”
Jaehyun deems this the perfect time to step in, the laughter about done coursing through his system at this point. He clears his throat before offering his input, “It’s not too, too bad. Johnny’s just being dramatic. If she likes you enough, she’ll probably forgive you if you play your cards right from here on out.”
Mark perks up, his attention solely on Jaehyun.
Jaehyun hums absentmindedly to himself, gathering and organizing his thoughts to properly explain exactly where and how Mark went wrong and what to do moving forward. When Jaehyun opens his mouth to speak, Mark is glued on to every word and Jaehyun can see the gears in his brain whirring at high speeds.
By the time Jaehyun is done, Johnny has calmed down and Mark nods his head fervently in understanding.
“Ah, that makes so much sense now! I got it now.”
Despite his assurances, both Johnny and Jaehyun know Mark will be back soon.
“Alright little, listen up,” Johnny starts. “Here’s the game plan from here on out.”
Johnny goes off on a sermon, determined to help his little ‘get some’ as Johnny so delicately puts it. Jaehyun can see it’s not the most tasteful of word choice for Mark to hear, but the youngest says nothing.
Lounging lazily in the bean bag on his side of the room, Jaehyun knocks his head back and thinks of a few weeks back when he accompanied Mark and some other frat members to the rec center for some basketball. Jaehyun remembers Mark was bemoaning the fact he forgot to ask for some girl’s number and it was as if a higher entity heard the boy’s laments and felt especially gracious, because right as they were passing the cafe, Mark stopped in his tracks and suddenly ran off into the busy building.
The group of frat boys watched him excitedly weave his way through the crowd of bodies and occupied tables to reach a table with two girls. When they saw the girl putting her number into Mark’s phone, Johnny elbowed Jaehyun, and like a proud parent Johnny exaggeratedly acknowledged his little. “They grow up so fast, don’t they, Jaehyun.” Johnny even wiped an imaginary tear from his eye to really send the message home.
It was only a few moments later and Mark came bounding out of the cafe, eager to show everyone how lucky it was that he happened to see her. “I mean what are the odds, right?” the said boy exclaimed so happily, his cheer so infectious, Jaehyun couldn’t help himself from letting out a laugh of his own.
Jaehyun turned to give Mark an encouraging pat on the back and it’s when he notices a pair of eyes on him. He turns fully to come in the direct line of sight of a girl whose eyes, Jaehyun imagined to have been very warm, had they not been burning holes into him. Her intense gaze slightly unnerved him, but not to the point of pulling away. He found himself entranced and the only thing that broke the quick spell was Johnny’s voice, calling him to move it along.
Jaehyun recalls easily breaking eye contact and giving little thought to the strange girl with fire for eyes, but as the days passed, Jaehyun couldn’t shake the thought of her from his mind.
Even now in the comfort of his room and with Johnny and Mark not even a foot away, carefully planning Mark’s love endeavors, all Jaehyun’s mind can really focus on is the thought of you.
Jaehyun is sure he’s only looked at you for less than a minute, but somehow he’s able to clearly trace out the image of you that day, like a perfect snapshot.
“Yo Jaehyun,” Johnny calls. “You good? You’ve been spacing out, bro.”
“Yeah, I’m good.” Jaehyun answers offhandedly, before contemplating to himself. Was he good? Jaehyun wouldn’t necessarily say he’s bad in any way, but it isn’t normal for him to have the thought of a girl remain so clearly engraved in his mind for so long, and even less common for it to actually be a girl he doesn’t even know nonetheless. It’s not a pressing issue, but it does bother him. He weighs over the next steps in his mind.
“Alright, just making sure.”
With one last thought, Jaehyun concludes to himself that it’s time to tackle his concern at hand head-on.
“Actually,” he starts, “Mark, do you remember the girl next to Yeri the day you asked for her number?”
Mark quirks his head in thought and Jaehyun can see Johnny raise his eyebrows in sudden interest.
“Uh kinda,” Mark answers. “I think she’s a CWP major. I’m pretty sure we shared an arranging class last semester, but like, I don’t know her personally or anything; it was a large lecture. To be honest, I don’t even think she recognized me at all, judging from her reaction that day. Why, what’s up?”
Jaehyun nods, absorbing the information, giving Johnny ample time to fire away.
“Yeah Jaehyun,” Jaehyun can visualize the glint in Johnny’s eyes just from hearing his mischievous tone. “What is up? I haven’t seen you ask about a girl in a hot minute. Thought you suddenly went abstinent without telling me or something.”
Jaehyun isn’t quite sure how to reply. Without a doubt you were cute to Jaehyun and he wouldn’t be opposed for things to happen between the two of you, but he doesn’t even know you! Well, not that it’s been a problem for Jaehyun in the past, but your lingering presence bothers him in ways he cannot communicate. Why is that the thought of you won’t leave him and why does it bother him so much?
Jaehyun decides to be straightforward, as straightforward as his muddled brain allows him to be. “She’s cute. I wanna get to know her.”
“Okay, Jaehyun.” Johnny whoops obnoxiously. “I see you.”
Mark is surprised and suddenly Johnny is all fired up again. Abruptly, Johnny shoots up and the determination that burns in his eyes is admirable.
“I’ve got it!” He declares proudly.
Jaehyun and Mark are quiet, waiting patiently for him to continue. They say nothing, knowing there is not a thing that can reach him when Johnny gets like this.
“We’re throwing a party and you bet your ass your two girls are gonna be there.”
4. Heaven by Ailee
walking on Cloud 9.
“When I hear your voice, it feels like I’m dreaming.”
You look up at the two-story house before you and wonder how you got here. Actually, you don’t wonder at all because you know exactly how you ended up at the steps of the local performing arts fraternity at your college, but you sigh regardless, as if someone had weaseled you into being here. Your nerves gnaw at you and you feel your stomach doing all types of aerobic tricks, the feeling reminiscent of the sensation before the roller coaster drops.
Yeri grabs your hand and pulls you excitedly to the front door. You can feel the thrum of music emanating from the building.
You recall how Yeri almost jumped you to tell the good news.
Finals flew by without any major hitches, ignoring sleepless nights and caffeine crashes. You don’t know how you’ll do, but you’re satisfied with your exam performances. You were in the clear and were just waiting for Yeri to present her joint music theory project before the both of you could finally let loose as a celebration to end the school year.
You waited for her outside of the classroom building as promised, playing with your phone to past time until you were suddenly engulfed by a delighted pair of arms. Yeri hugged you tight; she was in high spirits, seemingly from acing her presentation and you hugged her back in congratulations. She pulled at you closer and whispered in your ears, “just say yes.”
You were confused, but looked up to see Mark headed toward the two you. Yeri released you, leaving one arm still slung casually over your shoulder.
“Hey guys. My frat’s throwing a party tonight to celebrate finishing exams. I was wondering if, uh, you guys wanted to come? I mean you don’t have to, it’s totally optional.”
You didn’t say anything at first and Yeri interjected, “Of course!” She smiled at you innocently despite harshly pinching you to respond, her action hidden from Mark’s sight. “We’d love to, right?”
“Uh,” you answered distractedly. “Y-yeah, sure.”
“Great.” Mark beamed. “Party starts at eight. I gotta go help set up, so I’ll see ya there!”
And with that, he left as soon as he arrived and you looked at Yeri questioningly for answers. “I thought we were hitting downtown tonight. What happened to club hopping?”
Yeri smiled devilishly, “change of plans. I’ll tell you more about it later. The most important thing is finding the perfect outfit for you tonight, cause Jaehyun’s gonna be there.”
And so, here you find yourself dressed in high-waisted shorts and a cute top that took an embarrassingly long time to decide on. You are greeted by the fraternity president at the door of the house, Taeyong you think his name is, and he gives you two a quick verbal tour of the place, really emphasizing where to get drinks. Yeri thanks him for the both of you and you enter the crowded house. You think at least half of the performing art majors must’ve been here judging by the sheer volume of packed bodies.
You remember Yeri explaining how she and Mark may have been making a breakthrough and this party was imperative for its success. You were completely okay attending for that reason alone, because after all, what kind of person sends her best friend to a frat party alone? However, your resolve to go was set in stone after she explained that the frat that was throwing the party just happened to be the same frat Jaehyun was a member of.
“And y’know, seeing as how you’ve been obsessing over him the past few weeks, it’s the perfect opportunity.”
You frown remembering her words and make your way to the kitchen with Yeri in tow. Various beverages, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, crowd the table and you recognize the guy standing nearby idly chatting with others. It’s Jaemin, an acting major in your history lecture with whom you frequently exchange notes with when either one of you decides to flake for the day. You vaguely recall him mentioning his fraternity association, but didn’t realize it happened to be this one. He sees the two of you approaching the drink table and he smiles widely.
“Oh hey, what’s up?” Jaemin greets casually. “Didn’t expect to see you here. How’d you think you did in the history final?”
You groan. “I don’t even want to talk about it. What’s important is that we’re finished and I won’t ever have to think about the WWII timeline for, hopefully, forever.”
“Amen,” Jaemin laughs. “I’ll drink to that.” He raises up his red solo cup to cheers, before realizing both you and Yeri had nothing to drink.
“Oh shit, I’m a pretty bad host, huh? First thing I should've done was get you two something to drink.” He chides himself, but his tone is playful. “What can I get for you, ladies?”
Before you can think about what you want, Yeri cuts you off, her tone matching Jaemin’s. “How about some shots to start off and we’ll forgive the lack of hospitality.”
Jaemin laughs again. “Alright, I like it.” His hands are adept at weaving around the table and finding the paper shot cups and the vodka. “Svedka’s okay, right?”
“We’re not picky.” You and Yeri agree. You take the shot in one gulp and the unpleasant burning in your throat makes you wince.
“Can I get you two anything else?”
“Yeah,” you say. “I think another shot and then a mixed drink. Anything’s fine, but preferably on the stronger side.” You look over at Yeri and she nods in agreement.
“Coming right up.” Jaemin agrees easily.
He pours the two of you another shot and you think he must be a generous guy because the shot is overflowing. You and Yeri cheer once more while Jaemin gets to work mixing a cherry bourbon with some Coke. He tops off the drinks with some ice before handing it over to the both of you. “Here they are. Enjoy, ladies.”
You thank him and take a sip before excusing yourself to make your way around the party. The drink is sweet and the smoky aftertaste of the bourbon gives it a pleasant edge. You and Yeri are attached to the hip as you drift from one part to another around the party, making easy going small talk along the way. You are sufficiently buzzed by this point and feel much lighter as though the party was somehow two degrees removed from your senses. You look over to check on Yeri and she’s noticeably drunker than you are, giggling about the simplest of things and slurring her words just the slightest bit. You make a mental note to ease the drinking, wanting to be sober enough to look after her in case anything were to arise.
The two of you are at the base of the stairs when you hear Mark’s voice calling Yeri’s name. You turn your attention upward to see him ambling down the stairs with excited fervor. His cheeks are flushed, more so than usual around Yeri, and you can tell it’s due to alcohol because Mark is holding her hands and you know he can never be so bold without the help of liquid courage.
“Yo Mark, slow down there.” A voice calls out and you look up again and you feel your breath caught in your throat.
There in front of your eyes is Jung Jaehyun in the flesh. He looks heavenly dressed in simple jeans and a white tee. You unconsciously swallow the lump in your throat and your heart beat gallops a mile a minute in your chest. Your mouth goes dry and you mindlessly gulp down swigs of your drink. You know Yeri would’ve sniggered at your current state had she not been so tipsy and completely preoccupied with Mark.
Jaehyun catches up to Mark and when he reaches the base of the stairs, he notices the two of you.
“Oh Jaehyun, lemme introduce you guys.”
As promised, Mark introduces everyone quickly and Jaehyun shoots a smile that seems to be aimed at you. “Nice to meet everyone.”
“Cool, now that everyone knows each other,” Mark starts. “Yeri, can I show you something?”
“Uh, y-yeah.”
You give Yeri a hard look and she takes your hand to squeeze it in reassurance. She looks at you pleadingly and there’s a confidence in her eyes that you can’t argue with. You relent and let her go.
Mark takes her by the hand and leads her up the stairs while you watch, slightly worried.
Jaehyun seems to have sensed your apprehension because the words that leave his mouth snaps you out of your perturbed state. “Don’t worry. Mark’s a good kid, you have nothing to worry about. You have my word on it.”
And suddenly the situation dawns on you. The boy of your recent all-consuming infatuation stands here before you, and it’s just the two of you alone. Any social skills you have, leave you and you’re unsure of what to do.
Jaehyun notices the awkward tension in the air and works quickly to dispel it. “Your drink’s looking low. Can I get you something else?”
You look down to your drink to see that he was right. Only a few sips remain. You didn’t realize you had drank so much at the sight of Jaehyun.
“Um, some water would be good. I don’t want to be too hungover tomorrow.” You answer shyly. You also need to be sober enough to look after Yeri, but you decide to leave that out.
Jaehyun chuckles, “sure thing. Here, come with me. I’ll get you some water.”
Jaehyun leads you to the kitchen with ease, seamlessly weaving through the crowds of people. Every group of people he passes greets him loudly to be heard of the pounding bass of the music. You are not surprised to see how popular he is.
Once in the kitchen, he grabs you a bottle of water and a beer for himself from the fridge and you thank him. The cold water is refreshing, but it does little to cool your nerves. The awkward tension is high and still ever present. You feel as though you’re drowning in it and you also feel like running away from here despite this being what you’ve wanted for more than anything for weeks on end.
“So,” Jaehyun starts, clearing his throat. “Mark told me you’re a CWP major?”
“Uh, y-yeah, actually.” You hate how you’re so flustered around him. “How’d he know? Did Yeri tell him or something?”
“He said you guys shared an arranging class last semester.” Jaehyun recalls.
“Wait, really? I had no idea.” You start going off on how you could’ve missed such a thing and Jaehyun smiles. You’re much more comfortable when a rhythm has been established and the words flow out of you easily. You’re not as relaxed as where Jaehyun wants you to be, but he thinks it’s a good start.
You continue with small talk from there, much less uptight than before and you feel glad. Jaehyun is as radiant in person as he is in your imagination. You find him to be very kind and your heart flutters even more. Jaehyun mentions he’s a musical theatre major and you do your best to act surprised despite it being one of the only things you know about him prior to this moment.
Before he gets a chance to tell you more about himself, a tall boy with long limbs calls out to Jaehyun that it’s his turn to join the next game of beer pong. Jaehyun looks reluctant to leave and you don’t want him to leave either, but you’d hate to hold him back from prior engagements.
“Would you,” Jaehyun licks his lips in consideration, “like to play with me? I don’t have a partner.”
You nod your head and readily agree, eager to spend more time with him.
You’ve only played beer pong a handful of times and being around Jaehyun makes you nervous, so you miss the first few shots. You feel embarrassed, but Jaehyun is patient and assures you that it’s no problem at all. His little words of encouragement mixed with the beer you drink helps melt your tension, and halfway through the game, you’re whooping and hollering with everyone watching the game.
You high-five Jaehyun without a second thought after nailing a perfect shot and Jaehyun smiles even wider. The two of you are leading when Taeyong comes in to kick everyone out.
“Sorry guys, party’s over.”
Groans of complaints could be heard throughout the crowd, but Taeyong’s words are firm and he ushers everyone to leave. He has a few other frat members behind him helping out. He reaches the beer pong table and pulls Jaehyun aside. After a few exchanged words, Jaehyun nods in agreement and ends the game completely, apologizing to his opponents.
You’re confused, so you carefully ask Jaehyun what’s going on. He sees you and his gaze softens, he quietly explains, “apparently, the campus police have received multiple noise complaints and since the fraternity already has a strike, Taeyong doesn’t really want to risk another. “
“Ah, I see.” You nod. You’re saddened by the turn of events, having finally eased into a relative comfort around Jaehyun and you yearn for more. “Well, I better go look for Yeri then.”
This is a goodbye and you’re unsure of what else to say to him, your disappointment mixes with alcohol making you feel even more miserable. You want to ask for more, but can’t find the words to reach him. Luckily, Jaehyun does it for you.
“Are you free sometime this week?” He asks. “I feel like we didn’t get a chance to really talk and I’d like to.”
Your heart hammers and the blood rushes in your ears, but you still find yourself uttering a mousy agreement.
“Great,” his smile is dazzling and you feel dizzy. “It’s a date then.”
5. 24 Hours by Sunmi
rushed minutes.
“Time goes by so quickly.”
“Hey,” a distant voice calls out and Jaehyun looks up from his phone to see your approaching figure. Your cheeks are rosy from the summer sun and stray pieces of your hair escape from your loosely styled updo. Jaehyun takes all of you in with careful appreciation.
“Hey yourself.” Jaehyun chuckles, slipping his phone casually in his pocket and standing up straighter to greet you properly.
Jaehyun sees the red of your face flush brighter, the soft color bleeding across your cheeks and onto your nose. Cute, he thinks. He watches as you tighten your grip on your clutch, knuckles white with nervous tension, in an attempt to gather your composure and calm your nerves. You clear your throat, “I didn’t know you’d be here so soon. You should’ve texted me.”
“It’s all good, I finished early.” Jaehyun notices you no longer stutter around him like the first night you two met. He’s glad the days and nights of sober texting after exchanging numbers at the party did wonders to make you feel comfortable around him. He’s not too worried about your current ‘first-date’ anxiety, knowing it’ll be dispelled soon enough. “Shall we?” He moves to open the door and the cool rush of air from the cafe greets the two of you.
The cafe is quaint and cozy, tucked away in a small corner of intersecting back streets and crowded buildings. Jaehyun discovered the little spot not too long ago and something, Jaehyun assumes his instincts, compelled him to take you to it for the first official date. It just felt right.
The two of you walk to the order counter and you take it all in. You can hear the quiet chatter of the cafe occupants mixed with the rattle of espresso machines being put to work. Your eyes scan over the decorations and several potted succulents hanging from the ceiling. It’s incredibly homey and you feel at ease.
“Hiya, I can help the two of you whenever you guys are ready.” The barista is cheerful to a fault and Jaehyun watches you shoot her a grateful smile before your eyes move to the menu to decide on what to get.
Jaehyun knows what he wants, so he waits patiently for you to decide, but seeing your eyebrows scrunch together in indecision, Jaehyun chuckles to himself. “I hear the iced lattes here are really good, particularly the caramel latte,” he offers.
You perk up in surprise, but you recover quickly, “okay, that sounds good then. I was between that and the iced cocoa.”
“No problem, I’ll order then. Today’s on me.” Jaehyun says.
Jaehyun walks up to the barista and quickly places the order. He reaches for his wallet after the barista recites the order, but he falters slightly when he sees your gaze glued to the cake display, particularly the crepe cake.
“Can I get a slice of the chocolate crepe cake over there too?”
“Of course! Here’s your new total,” she turns the touch screen display over to Jaehyun and he readily inserts his card to pay. When finished, Jaehyun turns back the screen and after a few taps from the barista, a receipt is printed and she hands him a buzzer.
“Your order will be out shortly.” She informs him.
Jaehyun smiles and says a small ‘thank you’ in return before turning his attention to you. You look up to meet his eyes and you smile, “can we sit over there by the window?”
You head to the little corner table first with Jaehyun steadily in tow. You sit at the chair that leaves your back to the window and Jaehyun is mesmerized by how the afternoon sunlight refracts through your silhouette. You’re glowing and Jaehyun swallows thickly.
“So,” he starts. “What have you been up to?”
“Celebrating finishing my first year of college in one piece.” You laugh lightly. “I got by with passable grades, but other than that Yeri and I just finished moving into our new dorms. We’re no longer freshmen, so first year dorms are off limits. I’m gonna miss the convenient location.” You jokingly mope.
Jaehyun laughs easily with you and before he gets a chance to reply, the buzzer goes off so he excuses himself to go pick up the order.
A different barista places down a tray with your two drinks and a small slice of cheesecake with two dessert forks resting on some napkins. “Enjoy your order!”
Jaehyun smiles in thanks and picks up the tray to bring it back to the table. He can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see the mille crepe cake and true to his expectations, your eyes light up at the sight of dessert.
“Surprise.” He says. “I saw you looking at it earlier.”
Jaehyun watches as you immediately grab a small fork and try a piece of the cake with unrestricted child-like excitement. Your eyes light up at the taste of the delicate layers of fresh whipped cream and thin crepes and the smile you shoot in his direction has Jaehyun’s heart beating a little faster than he’s willing to admit.
“Thank you!” You look up at him. “It’s so good, you should definitely try a bite too.”
“Yeah? I’ll try some then.” Jaehyun sits down and leans even closer to you over the table, his mouth open and expectant and his eyes staring straight into yours.
You try your best to bite back the scarlet fighting to stain your cheeks as you cinch off a small section of the cake with your fork. Your hand falters just the slightest bit when delivering the small confection to his awaiting mouth, but you push through and feed him despite the embarrassment you feel.
Jaehyun chews slowly and deliberately, taking his time to lick the stray whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. You lose the game of chicken, breaking eye contact first.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “It’s good. We should definitely come back.”
You let out a little awkward cough, desperate to ward off your cloud of emotions. “Uhm, yeah sure.”
Jaehyun has always thought you were cute, but he thinks you’re especially cute today.
“Anyway,” you start. You want to change the topic because you don’t think you can survive this tension without your brain frying. “I feel like I’ve just seen you around recently. I should’ve run into you a long time ago since the performing arts college is so small.”
“Oh,” Jaehyun is a little taken aback. “I used to be over at the East Campus. I was a business and administration major for two years before I switched over to musical theatre.”
“Wait really?” Your surprise erases any tension you felt earlier. “I had no idea.”
“Yeah,” he laughs. “It doesn’t really come up in conversation.”
“Why’d you switch over? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Jaehyun contemplates his reply for a second as takes a sip of his coffee. “Well, when I entered college, I didn’t really know what I wanted, so I just followed whatever my parents wanted me to do. I actually knew I liked musical theatre for the longest time, but it took time for me to build up the courage to switch. My parents weren’t happy with it at first and we fought for the longest time, but I think they’ve warmed up to it enough by now. I’ve never really talked about this though, I just tell people I transferred from a different college and the conversation just ends there I guess, but it’s really no big deal.”
“Thank you for telling me this, Jaehyun.” Your voice is sincere and Jaehyun believes you.
“What about you, hm?” Jaehyun returns. “Why CWP?”
“I don’t really have one point that changed my life and helped me find my calling or whatever,” you ponder with a tilt of the head and the taste of cream dissolving in your mouth. “But ever since I was little, I always knew I was gonna end up doing something in music. I was never good at singing though, so vocal performance was out the door and I wasn’t that interested in classical instruments either, so that helped me narrow stuff down. Actually, what really helped me decide was during orientation, my group leader was a contemporary writing and production major and she told me all about it and I’ve been sold ever since. I really like it though, and have no intention of switching.”
“That’s good. Sometimes I wish I switched earlier.” Jaehyun muses. “I feel so behind sometimes. Most people in my class have already been in at least one musical and an internship, except for me. I think about it a lot, but I try not to let it get me so down.”
“You shouldn’t feel that way!” You try your best to cheer him up, and Jaehyun appreciates it a lot more than he thought he would. “Everyone has their own pace, that’s what college is all about! Nothing is ever wasted time. You can think of your time as a business admin major as a way to help you make up your mind on your true passion. You told me you’ve always liked musical theatre, but I’ve bet without the time in business, you would’ve never known you liked it enough to pursue a career out of it.”
Jaehyun laughs at your earnesty. He thinks you’re a touch naive, but your words make him feel light. “You’re right. I can say for sure I wasn’t happy as a business major.”
“See? Nothing is ever wasted time if you can discover your true happiness out of it.”
The two of you exchange easy chatter after that and between small bites of cake and sips of coffee, Jaehyun thinks you’ve become prettier and prettier.
“What was it like?” You ask absentmindedly.
“Hm? What was ‘what’ like?”
“Being a business and administration major.”
Jaehyun has to think about it. He recalls constantly dressing up for group presentations and boring lectures, but his mind wanders to his activities outside the classroom. He remembers the constant partying and the blur of faces that helped him keep his bed warm. He remembers brief flings and relationships cut short. He doesn’t want to think about those things when he’s next to you. “Uhm. It was okay, nothing special, but that reminds me–”
“Yeah?”
“Are you free next weekend?”
“I should be. Why, what’s up?”
“Great,” Jaehyun smiles while taking the last sip of his coffee. “I’m having a housewarming party at my new apartment. You should definitely be there.”
--
The day of the long awaited housewarming party rolls up sooner than expected between settling into your new dorm with Yeri and the occasional small ‘get-togethers’ with Jaehyun. They’re actually dates if you're being honest, but you don’t want to put a title on anything in case he wasn’t on the same page as you. Being with Jaehyun made you giddy in more ways than one, but that means the anxiety that pools at the base of your stomach grows larger each day when the relationship between the two of you goes unnamed. You feel greedy when you desperately grasp at the shred of time you share with him, always unwillingly to let go.
“Are you ready?” Yeri’s voice breaks you out of your small reverie. Her hand is poised, ready to knock on the black door of Jaehyun’s apartment, waiting for you to gather your composure. Yeri is dressed to the nines in a cute skirt with a top to match. She wants to look good for her new boyfriend and you teased her endlessly for it when the two of you were getting ready.
“Mark’s one lucky guy.”
“Shut up. Worry about yourself.”
“All I do is love you, yet you’re so mean to me.”
Regardless of her harsh words toward you, she helped you toss your closet inside and out for the perfect outfit to woo Jaehyun, even if it meant showing up late to the party.
The two of you leave your dorm twenty minutes later than you intended and it also didn’t help that Jaehyun’s apartment was difficult to find, tucked away in a small building between towering skyscrapers, but now is finally the moment of truth.
“Yeah, I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” you mutter as you watch Yeri knock on the door.
It takes a minute before the door creaks open and Jaehyun’s head pops out. His smile is radiant and you’re absolutely ensnared by the way his fringe falls over his forehead.
“Hey, glad you two could make it.” Jaehyun opens the door wider to allow you and Yeri to enter. He greets Yeri with polite warmth while he wraps an arm over your shoulders. When Yeri heads in the apartment first with her back against the two of you, Jaehyun steals a quick peck to your temple and whispers, “you look pretty tonight.”
His touch is fleeting and he pulls back quickly, as if you imagined the whole thing, but his cheeky smile tells you that it really did happen. Your heart hammers and you force yourself to focus on the steady thrum of mellow R&B that reverberates throughout his apartment to calm yourself. You take his apartment in steady strides with your full attention. It’s sleek and modern with a few pops of his personality here and there in the form of trinkets decoration choices.
“Hey!” Johnny calls over from the couch. He has a beer in hand, but he’s far from tipsy. Flanked on one side is Doyoung with another beer to match and on the other is Sicheng. Seulgi, the girl, who you assume is Sicheng’s significant other, by the way his arm is casually wrapped around her waist, is also there and she nods at you in greeting. You've come to know about all of them after hanging out with Jaehyun so much. “Did you guys get lost or something?”
“Yeah,” Yeri replies as she moves to sit next to Mark who’s on the adjacent loveseat and resting a drink on the coffee table. “Something like that.”
She places a sweet kiss to the corner of Mark’s mouth in greeting and you swear you can hear him crooning at the attention.
“Doesn’t matter, Johnny. The important thing is that they’re here now.” Jaehyun interjects. “Do you guys want anything to drink?”
“That’d be nice.” You hum.
Yeri laughs in agreement, “yeah, the two of us could never say no to a drink.”
“Alright, I’m on it.” Jaehyun calls while moving to the kitchen. “Any preferences?”
“No,” you say. “Surprise us.”
Jaehyun works to mix drinks and you take a seat on the floor next to the coffee table to observe the party. Perched on the shelf of a slender bookcase in the corner of his living room is a bluetooth speaker playing music, the rhythm quiet and bass steady as everyone chatters away once introductions are made on the sofas. You remember him offhandedly mentioning that he doesn’t want any noise complaints on his first week in the new place and it makes sense. Jaehyun’s housewarming party is a quiet affair that is far different from the wild party at the frat house in which you met him, but you think this vibe fits Jaehyun more.
Jaehyun returns shortly with two drinks in tow for you and Yeri and sits himself snugly next to you on the floor. He picks his idle beer from the coffee table and once Johnny realizes that everyone in the proximity has a drink in hand, he raises his voice and beer in a toast. “It sucks that Taeyong couldn’t make it tonight, but here’s to having fun without him. We’re gonna get twice as fucked up to make up for his absence, cheers!”
Everyone lets out a chuckle, but obliges to humor him anyway and joins to connect their drink to his in cheers.
You pull your cup back and take a big gulp of the drink. It’s sweet and carbonated, but the sting of alcohol at your throat leaves you wincing just the slightest bit.
A few pleasantries are exchanged here and there, but it’s only then does Doyoung pull out a deck of cards with a devilish glint in his eyes that deceive his looks.
“Ring of fire, anyone?”
--
After who knows how many rounds of ring of fire (and maybe a few other drinking games here and there) with too many drink refills for you to remember, you somehow find yourself splayed on the couch and leaning over Yeri’s shoulder in support. Seulgi is on the other side of you leaning on you for support, the same way you’re doing to Yeri, but you don’t mind it one bit. The three of you have grown surprisingly close with one another throughout the night.
Your mind is lucid enough to still be conscious and completely aware of where you are and what you’re doing, but the alcohol in your system eats away at the details in your memory.
You vaguely recall ridiculous punishments that involved Johnny twerking on the dining room table and Mark taking a shot of Jack Daniels mixed with ketchup, and you can’t help but snicker to yourself.
“I think we should get going now.” Sicheng is the first to speak as he moves to help Seulgi up. “It’s getting late.”
Doyoung looks a little groggy, but when he checks the time, he perks up immediately, “oh shit, you’re right. I need to get going too, I’ve got something in the morning.”
With that everyone shuffles to clean the remnants of the party with as much grace as they can muster while intoxicated, which wasn’t much, but in twenty minutes, Jaehyun is already walking half the party to the door in goodbye. Only you, Mark, and Yeri are left.
“Hey Yeri,” Mark calls softly to Yeri as he brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Are you ready to go too?”
Yeri is still sprawled on the couch with you, but mumbles a small response. “Yeah, I should be. Give me a second.”
She turns over to you and nudges you just the slightest bit. “I’m gonna go back to Mark’s tonight, are you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah,” you assure her. “I’ll be fine, just go have fun.”
“She’s free to rest here until she’s ready to leave, don’t worry. I’ll call a cab for her when the time comes.” Jaehyun pipes up.
Yeri gives you a look, but you squeeze her hand one last time to give her some peace of mind. “I’m a big girl, Yeri. I’ll be okay, promise. I’ll walk you to the door, Mark’s waiting.”
You give Yeri a tight hug in goodbye and you find your way back to the couch. The fact that you’re all alone in Jaehyun’s apartment doesn’t hit because of the remnants of alcohol in your system melts away your nerves.
You’re pleasantly buzzed, lost in your own thoughts when Jaehyun comes up to you with a glass of water in hand. “Here, so you don’t feel as bad tomorrow morning.”
You accept it gratefully and take in big gulps, the water refreshing, but your skin feels hot.
Jaehyun takes a seat next to you and the proximity makes your head spin. You turn to look at him, and he flashes you a smile.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”
“You might’ve mentioned something.” You tease. “But I don’t mind hearing it again.”
“Well,” he hums. You’re not sure, but you think the distance between the two of you is decreasing. “You really do look stunning tonight.”
You flush at his words, but you look straight into his eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
“Yeah? I try to impress.” Jaehyun’s eyes are hooded and your throat goes dry. “Can I kiss you?”
You say nothing at first, his words not registering into your muddled brain, but when you feel his breath ghost over your lips, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you.
His lips are slightly chapped and you can taste the vodka on his breath, but to you it’s perfect. Jaehyun’s perfect.
Jaehyun kisses you with reserved passion and practiced expertise. His tongue sets the rhythm against yours and his roaming hands have you feeling as if you’ve been set ablaze. He pulls back just the tiniest bit and the intense longing for his touch that hits you is indescribable.
You pull him back in your arms and your lips reconnect in a desperate fervor. Jaehyun adjusts his arms around you and the next you know, you’re in his embrace and he’s carrying you to his bedroom. He places you down gently, his bed is plush and comforter soft.
Jaehyun’s touch is gentle as he gathers your face in his hands. He kisses you again and you wrap your arm around his neck to pull him closer. He pulls back and looks at you earnestly. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”
Everything’s moving so fast and you’re dizzy, but you don’t want whatever this is to stop. You want to be as close to Jaehyun as possible.
“No,” your voice is hoarse. “Don’t stop. I want you, Jaehyun.”
He kisses you again, this time unrestrained. His tongue is hot, but you can only savor it for a minute before he starts trailing kisses down your neck and tugging at your shirt. You let out a breathy moan in response to how his touches make you feel.
Jaehyun reaches at your shorts and makes quick work at unbuttoning them. You help him remove the article of clothing and his slender fingers dart inside your panties. You’re slick to the touch and Jaehyun must be made of magic because you think you’re seeing stars. You unravel before him embarrassingly quick, but he kisses you at the base of your clavicle in sweet reassurance.
Your chest is heaving, but you want more. You grab at Jaehyun’s shirt, urging him to take it off. The expanse of his abdomen is a sight to behold, but Jaehyun is cruel and doesn’t give you the time to take it in. He’s on top of you again, lips crashing onto yours once more. He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra and while he’s pre-occupied, you unbuckle his belt and steal a moment in his boxers. He feels thick and hot in your hands as you run your finger over the tip to feel a drop of pre-cum. He buckles just the slightest bit and it emboldens you.
Jaehyun helps himself out of his jeans and you push him onto the bed wanting to be on top this time. He’s straining against his boxers and you want to help relieve the tension. When you pull off his boxers you can feel his inaudible groan. You stroke his length gingerly and look up to see him with hooded eyes look right back at you.
This excites you so you take him in your mouth in a moment of unfiltered courage. Your tongue starts at the base before tracing your way up to his sensitive head. You tease him accordingly to his quiet grunts and groans and when you feel like he’s had enough, you take all of him in until his tip is hitting the back of your throat. You gag a bit, but push through.
“Fuck,” Jaehyun stutters out between stacatoed breaths. “Babe, you’re so good.”
You hum in pleasure at his praise and he grabs your hair. This goes on for a few more minutes before he reaches down to stop you. “Not that I don’t love this,” the look in your eyes nearly has him faltering his words, “but I don’t want to cum just yet.”
You relent with a slick pop and Jaehyun shifts over to rummage for a condom in his nightstand. You settle back down in his pillows. Jaehyun gives you a soft kiss on the lips before he enters you.
“Tell me when it’s okay to move,” he whispers and you place a small kiss at the base of his neck.
He starts off slow to let you acclimate to his size, but neither of you are very patient, so he ends up pounding into you a lot sooner than he anticipated and you find yourself getting caught up in the pleasure.
It feels like you’re dreaming, but if this was a dream, you never want to wake up.
6. Hush by Miss A
shh, no talking, just us.
“I can’t think straight.”
You and Jaehyun don’t become official until a few weeks later.
He asks you one day when you’re naked and out of breath. You’ve gone one too many rounds with him and a thin layer of sweat coats your body as you lay on his heaving chest. You absentmindedly draw shapes on his skin and he gives you a chaste kiss to your temple.
“We should date.” He hums. “I think I’d make a good boyfriend.”
“Yeah?” You raise your eyebrow in teasing.
“Yeah,” he ascertains. “Give me a chance and I’ll show you.”
“Hmm,” you pretend to think it over as if this wasn’t you’ve been hoping for since the first moment you laid eyes on him. “Okay. Let’s give it a try, boyfriend.”
Jaehyun laughs and you feel the world fall into its right place. “Alright, girlfriend.”
And the rest is history as they say.
Jaehyun isn’t your first, but you experience many firsts with him. You’re not exactly inexperienced, but he really opens your eyes.
“Fuck,” he groans into your neck. His hands grip at your hips to help guide you along, but you’re fully in charge. “You’re doing so good, babe. Just like that.”
You didn’t see yourself as someone who liked to take charge during sex, but after that one time Jaehyun asked you to top, you’ve never looked back since.
You roll hips into him and at a pace you know drives Jaehyun wild and you pull him into a sloppy kiss. It’s all tongue and no grace, but you love it the same regardless. You capture his bottom lips between your teeth playfully before pushing him flat on his back until he’s firm against his plush mattress. You place a hand on his chest and the other on his thigh to balance yourself and Jaehyun immediately knows you’re close.
A hand rests on your hip to steady you while the other snakes over to play with your clit to further stimulate you toward your climax. Jaehyun knows what you like and his timing is impeccable, so before you know it, both of you are reaching your highs together. You collapse on his chest and you allow yourself to stay in his warmth long enough to have your breaths synchronize before you extricate yourself from him to head to his bathroom.
When you come back out, he’s disposed of the used condom and opens your arm wide for a hug, which you gladly indulge in.
Time stops when you’re in his arms.
--
On the surface, it looks like Jaehyun likes to mix it up. He seems like an elusive guy with varied tastes, but the more time you spend with him, you realize he likes the control of seeing you unravel before him.
He likes the intimacy of missionary.
The close proximity to your body has him looking into your eyes and leaving you feeling the most vulnerable of ways. He has full access to your neck, which he lovingly claims as his own and you chide him the next day when you see scattered purple blooms. Jaehyun changes his pace on a whim and you fall to his mercy. When he takes you fast and hard, you see stars, but when thrusts in you with languid leisure, he has you begging for more.
He likes the intensity of taking from behind.
When you’re on your knees with your ass in the air, he takes it as a guarantee to fuck you senseless. Your muffled moans makes his dick twitch and you swear you can feel him fuck into you even faster. Jaehyun always makes sure to wrap his arms around you to finger your clit until you go into sensory overload and he doesn’t stop pounding into you until there are tears in your eyes. He kisses each one away before taking your lips in his and you can taste the salt water on his tongue.
He likes the dominance from eating you out.
He laps at your core like a starved man and makes good use of his adept fingers until your head is spinning. Jaehyun makes it a habit to eat you out until you’re satisfied before he gets his turn. When your thighs are on either side of his head and your hands tangled in his hair, he swears he can stay there forever.
Above all, Jaehyun just likes you. He likes being with you and he definitely likes fucking you and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
--
“Mmmh,” you breathe out.
Your back is flush against Jaehyun’s back as you rock your hips back and forth on his dick. You grind your ass back even harder when he pinches your nipple between his fingers.
He kisses your shoulder blade from behind and bucks his hip upward to meet you in the middle.
The afternoon sunlight is streaming in from the gaps of his blinds and you want to take it nice and slow today. The television in front of you is playing a movie, but you’re too enraptured by the feeling of him filling you to the brim to pay it any mind.
“I love it when you’re on top, babe.” he hums as he plays with your clit.
You let out another breathy groan before you can find the composure to bite back at him. “What happened to no sex today, hmm? I thought we were just going to have innocent quality time together and watch a movie.”
Jaehyun must’ve not liked your sass, so he bucks up harder. He’s telling you to pick up the pace and you oblige. Before you know, you’re practically bouncing on his dick and you can feel your impending high about to crash down on you. He can sense it too and maintains his tempo. When you cum, Jaehyun rides on the tail of your climax in pursuit of his own. He cums shortly after with stuttering hips and a bite on your shoulder. He gathers you in his arms and runs his tongue soothingly over where he bit you and the various love bites that he’s littered on the expanse of your skin.
“Just being with you is quality time in itself.” He says. “Besides, class is starting soon, so I won’t get to see you as much.”
7. Disturbance by BoA
a ripple on the surface.
“I didn’t know at first.”
“So I do have a roommate after all,” Yeri’s voice calls out and you turn over to see her standing by the doorway. You roll your eyes at her, but quickly turn back to gather your things.
She lets out a chuckle, but you don’t miss the sour edge to her tone. “I thought I got a single dorm since it’s so empty all the time.”
“You say that, Yeri,” you retort. “But I know you’re over at Mark’s constantly so I don’t wanna hear it from you.”
“Yeah, but I make time to come back here and I always let you know when I’m going out. I feel like I’ve only seen you maybe once or twice the past few months. I feel like the only reason I see you these days is ‘cause of classes.”
“You’re just exaggerating, don’t be so dramatic. Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”
She looks displeased, but nothing leaves her lips as the two of you head out for the day.
--
It’s late.
When night falls, shadows come out to play and your college campus is riddled with them. The school auditorium is situated in the far corner of the campus and the lamp lights of the main walkways do little, but you pay it little mind. Jaehyun should be getting out soon.
It takes another ten minutes to see him emerge from the double doors and you perk up immediately at the sight of him. He looks a little shocked to see you, but greets you with a warm hug and small peck regardless.
“Hey,” his voice is small, almost reserved. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you I was finishing late tonight.”
“Oh, you did, but I still wanted to see you.” You explain, eyes bright and tone undeterred.
“Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he licks his lip. “But it’s really late and I still have more stuff I need to work on. I’ll see you some other time, okay?”
“Oh, okay.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. Next time.”
--
“Oh hey,” you smile, but Yeri’s fury is palpable and cuts through you.
“Don’t ‘oh hey’ me.” She spits out. “Where have you been? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
Sheepish, you reply, “oh sorry. I forgot to fully charge it before leaving and Jaehyun and I have different phones, so I couldn’t charge it at his place.”
“You were at Jaehyun’s?” Yeri is glaring at you at this point and you feel a bit peeved.
“Yeah. What of it?”
Yeri’s been getting angry at you recently, losing her temper at the drop of a hat, and you can’t seem to pinpoint why. You’re getting tired of being her punching bag.
“We made plans to go shop for Seulgi’s gift today. You promised you’d be there, don’t you remember?”
“Oh shit.” It completely slips from your mind and you open your mouth to apologize, but Yeri cuts you off before you get the chance.
“Forget it. I don’t want to hear it. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Yeri turns to leave before you can say anything back.
8. Symptoms by SHINee
something’s wrong.
“The worse it gets, the more exhausted I get.”
Jaehyun feels off.
He can’t pinpoint exactly what he is that he’s feeling, but he thinks it’s reminiscent of his world being tilted by six degrees. It’s not immediately jarring and takes little time for his eyes to register, but he’ll occasionally bump his toe, signalling that this isn’t right. Things aren’t where they’re supposed to be. His head spins just the slightest bit and he feels woozy, but he doesn’t know why.
Jaehyun just feels off.
--
Jaehyun checks the bulletin board of his school auditorium almost religiously.
Each time before and after class, he’ll swing by and peruse the flyers that hang from haphazardly stuck on pins. He ignores the tutoring offers and the part time jobs scams, his main focus is almost always on the center of the board where they post the upcoming musical theatre production and eventually, the cast list.
This semester, the chosen production is La La Land and Jaehyun has been dead set on landing the role of Sebastian Wilder. He stays back extra late each day to practice the script and to work on his singing and annunciation.
On the day of the audition, he’s sure he’s nailed it and thinks to himself the world must be ending if he weren’t to get the leading role.
When he leaves the auditorium in a rush, excitement flows through his veins and he drinks in the night air as a toast of victory. He’s tipsy on his excitement and wants to laugh out loud, but in the corner of his vision, he sees you. Your eyes light up the sight up, outshining the moon and the stars, but your visage does not elicit the reaction he thinks it should. He expects his heart to swell and burst, but somehow he feels heavy.
He pulls you in for a hug and a quick kiss to quell his weighted heart, but he thinks he’s starting to sink so he calls you off for the night. He’ll see you next time.
Yeah, next time will be better.
--
You’re snuggled up close and personal on Jaehyun’s chest. Jaehyun notices you fill every nook and cranny of his being perfectly to a tee, and yet that feeling. It’s there again.
Jaehyun feels off.
You laugh at something one of the characters say and you cuddle harder into him. He feels heavy again and it makes his throat itch, so he swoops down and captures your lips.
It’s hard and fast to scrub away at his uneasiness and before he knows it, his clothes are missing, but so are yours. The foreplay is brief and almost impersonal, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to be inside you.
When Jaehyun has you begging and writhing, he feels like the world is where it should be. No longer is he living at a slight angle when he’s buried to the hilt inside your warmth, so when he sees you, he does what he can to get you out of your pants.
Today is no different from any other.
After a satisfying session you roll on his chest. Your kiss is soft and sweet despite the sweat that covers both of your bodies. He hums quietly as he taps melodies on along your exposed spine.
“Jaehyun?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I love you.”
Ah. Jaehyun thinks he’s getting it now, why he’s feeling off.
Jaehyun thinks he’s being suffocated.
--
To the surprise of no one, and especially not to him, Jaehyun gets the leading role of Sebastian Wilder in La La Land. He was a shoe-in for it anyway and he made sure to put in the work to get it.
His leading lady is someone by the name of Park Sooyoung, but at the first rehearsal she introduces herself as Joy.
“It’s nice to meet you.” She offers her hand out in a friendly greeting. “Here’s to a successful show together, Jaehyun.”
Her smile is blinding and he thinks Joy is a fitting name. He grasps her outstretched hand, grip firm and sure.
“Yeah,” he smiles back. “Here’s to a good show together.”
--
Rehearsals span over blurred minutes and long hours.
Jaehyun sees less and less of you and spends more and more time with her.
During a quick water break, he scans his phone briefly to see a text notification from you. He takes another swig of water and returns to the rehearsal.
It’s okay, he can always text you back later.
9. Before U Go - TVXQ!
letting go.
“I will leave now.”
“Come on!” You tug both Mark and Yeri along excitedly. “I want to get good seats.”
Yeri rolls her eyes, but obliges anyway, pulling Mark along. It’s opening night for Jaehyun’s big musical and you wanted to be there no matter what to support him. Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Sicheng, and Seulgi are already inside waiting and you’re not sure if they were able to save the three of you a spot.
After a long chat with Yeri, you apologized profusely to her. You did get blinded by your relationship with him and prioritized him over everything, forgetting your friends and other responsibilities in the process. Yeri forgave you easily and helped keep you in line when you went to head over heels for Jaehyun.
However, after patching things up with Yeri, you begin to notice a shift in your relationship with Jaehyun’s. You’re not quite sure how to describe it, but it almost feels like a distance almost.
You chalk it up to his busy rehearsal schedule and choose not to dwell on the topic, in fears of your wandering imagination. It should be fine. After his musical is over, he’ll be less busy and things will fall back into place.
Right?
“Over here!” Seulgi waves over excitedly.
The auditorium is starting to fill up and you want to get comfortable before the show starts.
Everyone greets each other in hushed tones and soon enough, the show starts.
Right. Everything will be fine.
--
Jaehyun does amazing.
Your eyes are trained on him the whole time and his singing has goosebumps pricking your skin. You can see the passion pour through him every time he’s on stage and you couldn’t be more proud.
A nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach points out the undeniable chemistry between him and his co-star, but you push it deep down and suppress it.
They’re actors, and they’re good at what they do.
Yeah. They’re just acting. Yeah. Acting.
--
When the curtains close, you’re the first to shoot out of your seat, eager to meet him backstage. You weave through the endless crowd of people, murmuring your ‘sorry’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ as you pass by. You reach the base of the backstage and shoot a message to let him know you’re waiting. You hum to yourself when you happen to overhear a conversation playing out.
“You did so good, Jae.”
“No, you definitely carried the show.”
You turn up and you see them. Her eyes are almost soft and loving as she pulls your boyfriend in for a hug. They linger in the embrace longer than necessary and you clear your throat to catch his attention.
He jolts just the slightest bit when he sees you and immediately lets her go.
“Everyone’s waiting,” you say quietly.
“Okay,” he nods. “Let me go get my stuff in the back.”
Jaehyun leaves the two of you alone and you wait for him to get back.
When you leave, he waves goodbye to her and she smiles back.
--
Jaehyun’s celebration party is rowdy, but it’s to be expected when Johnny is the one hosting.
He books a table at the local club and even orders bottle service. The eight of you work your way through two whole bottles of tequila and are already on your third. Jaehyun is downing the shots at a quicker pace than usual and you’re a bit concerned, but you’re unable to say anything because when you try, he whisks himself away to the dance floor and strikes up a conversation with someone else.
You’re perturbed, but you say nothing. This is his celebration night and he can choose to enjoy it how he wishes.
By the end of the night, Jaehyun is noticeably drunk and you haul him outside to get a breath of fresh air in hopes of sobering up. He’s heavy, but you make it out the side door. You prop him up on your side as you lean on the grimy brick walls.
Months have passed and the weather is chilly.
Jaehyun’s body sways and he murmurs something in your ear. You don’t catch it the first time, the overwhelming smell of tequila overtaking your senses.
“What was that?”
He grumbles beneath his breath, steps staggering once more. He tries again, this time his words are crisp and clear and they cut into you in more ways than one.
“I think we should end it.”
For someone so drunk, he sounds so sober.
You’re at a loss for words. A part of you knew this was coming from his lack of enthusiasm around you and his decreased texts. Even the cold night air couldn’t keep your heartbreak at bay. You say nothing, but you understand the both of you knew it was a silent agreement.
You breathe out wisps of chilled air as Jaehyun’s inebriated body stays slumped over on your side.
--
You volunteer to take Jaehyun home.
You tuck him gently in bed making sure to prop him on his side in case he vomits during the night. You pour a glass of water and place an ibuprofen on his nightstand drawer for him in the morning.
You kiss him on the forehead one last time. You hope it conveys all of the things brewing in your heart at the moment, but you know it doesn’t.
Later, you leave his apartment with all of your belongings that you ever left there with the stars as your witness.
You never return to his place again.
10. Coffee Shop by B.A.P
what could’ve been.
“So without knowing, like a habit, I came here.”
Jaehyun wakes up to an empty bed.
Morning sunlight streams through his blinds and burns at his skin as a sign to get ready for the day. He blinks the drowsiness from his system and stretches his weary joints before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
On his rare day offs, he allows his body to go on auto-pilot. He completely shuts his brain off and allows it to do whatever it chooses.
Today, it takes him back to the cafe.
His body knows where it’s going before it registers in his mind.
The barista manning the order counter is different, but the decorations are the same, still the same succulents hanging from the ceilings. He mulls over the menu and goes up to order.
“Can I get an iced caramel latte?” Jaehyun doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he’s feeling nostalgic today.
“Of course! Here’s your total.”
He pays with a swipe of his card and the barista goes to work making his drink. He waits around by the counter and soon enough, his drink is ready. That particular table is empty, so he grabs a chair to sit. His first sip is overly saccharine, but he appreciates how the flavor mellows out by the end of it.
It’s been nearly a year since that night.
Jaehyun remembers waking up to a splitting headache and a dry mouth. He thought nothing of the prepared setup as he gulps the ibuprofen and the glass of water in one go. Nothing seemed amiss really until a few days later.
No one mentioned your name around him and he caught Seulgi giving him a look every now and then. Mark didn’t say much either, but Jaehyun felt him drifting away.
He thought he’d feel a lot more, but he didn’t. One day you were a part of his life and then the next day you weren’t. It really was that simple.
He kept in contact with Joy even after La La Land was over and maybe they were something more, but it didn’t last longer than a few weeks.
It didn’t feel right when he was with her. Again, something felt off, but a different kind of off.
Joy was the one to end things with him, but he didn’t mind too much.
He filled his days with study and practice and it wasn’t until he landed a job at his local theatre company that he realized.
It was you. It was always you and perhaps it still is you.
Maybe you were different. Maybe you were the one, but Jaehyun didn’t try.
He recalls feeling smothered. You were always there at the beginning, but he took that for granted.
There are a lot of things he regrets, but above all, he regrets not talking with you. He regrets not trying to work on it. He regrets being a coward and running away at the first signs of true emotions.
You weren’t perfect, but neither was he, but he should’ve stayed so the both of you could work it out together. Jaehyun always did take too long to find the courage to pursue what he wanted.
With a final sip, he finishes the drink and moves to throw it away. Then, he sees you. Here, in the flesh, in almost a year.
Your hair is longer, but your cheeks are still as rosy as ever. You walk up to order and Jaehyun thinks it’s a sign. He moves to greet you, but the doors open again and in walk Yeri and Seulgi. He watches you greet them warmly with wide open arms.
You always did give the best hugs.
Jaehyun watches the three of you chatter away and he feels acutely out of place in the little cafe. You look happy and he should move on.
He throws his finished cup in the trash can and moves to exit through the side door, but he moves too slowly.
“Jaehyun, is that you?” You call out. He looks into your steady gaze and almost feels shy.
“Yeah,” he’s quiet. “It’s been awhile.”
“It has,” you agree. “You look well.”
The smile you give him has him believing in second chances and maybe he’ll get it right this time.
Note: i am so sorry that the second part is a hot mess express smh… there were a lot of things i planned and intended that didn’t happen, but i’ll just take this as a learning experience and write and better story next time. thanks for taking the time to read this !! <3
masterlist.
#nctcreations#cznnet#neowritingsnet#jaehyun scenario#jaehyun fanfic#jaehyun smut#jaehyun angst#jaehyun fluff#nct scenario#nct fanfic#nct smut#nct angst#nct fluff
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