#and it seriously impacts my entire life and there is no cure
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AUS Masterpost
Before you read: Aftermath is the main storyline and is still the main focus on the blog, but my brain decided to give me brainrot so hard I have aus of an AU.
Champion City PAMA/Redstonia PAMA.
Lumping these in together because they're the least developed.
Both of these aus are an outcome of Jesse basically snubbing/denying PAMA a place in their life/Beacontown. CC PAMA is in essence them becoming a replacement Radar to Stella and being mean to Jesse. Redstonia PAMA is when they move to Redstonia and chill with Olivia.
Seriously I have basically nothing.
(more aus under the cut)
Aftermath (But nothing bad happens)
I'm only including this because it's cute and wholesome.
In essence, Jesse convinces PAMA to abandon their purpose earlier on, allowing PAMA to finally realize who they are and not push themself to be Radar's assistant, avoiding the events of Aftermath.
PAMA, Nell and Radar become really close cute friends.
This is basically just a slice of life au.
Monster Hunter PAMA
An ep 7 au where Harper builds PAMA to hunt monsters and protect Crown Mesa. The problem? She's a werewolf. PAMA proceeds to spend the entire storyline hunting her down, unaware that the werewolf is their creator.
Jesse and co come in and find PAMA has destroyed the portal in a desperate attempt to keep the werewolf inside Crown Mesa.
Cue a mystery where they have to find the werewolf's identity, its whereabouts, and its intentions.
Werewolf PAMA
There are technically two versions of this au. One where PAMA's an out of control werewolf and the other we're they're a chill one.
Why two versions? Because I think there's interesting things to explore on both ends.
I just like werewolves ok.
Also maybe a version of this au has a vamp Radar.
Aftermath (But it's Starkiller)
(Starkiller's my webcomic for anyone who's curious and I'm going to copy what I posted in my first post about this au)
For people unaware of my webcomic, dragons in that setting are basically used by the dead, named Stars in the setting, to be companions to soldiers of the other species. Basically dragons exist to serve and most don’t even get the “opportunity” and just live in a haze because they feel they’ll never live up to such a grand idea.
So Radar, ala the original webcomic’s Sol, takes a dragon out of that situation. That dragon being PAMA, who was chosen by the Stars themselves. [who’d have a different name in this setting, same as Radar] Shenanigans ensue)
In essence, Radar accidentally kidnaps a dragon during a raid (he's probably a part of a resistance group with Jesse) and they have to socialize them to go against their "programming"
Radar's a human, PAMA's a dragon, and Lukas is a sphinx (because of the cat motif) as for the others? Unsure, maybe also human??
Not sure what the ocelots or Harper would be.
Angel PAMA
Tbh @dragonbma kind of created/inspired this au so credit to her!
Harper is a seraphim of some kind who creates Angel PAMA for a specific purpose (which I haven't figured out yet)
You know the drill, PAMA has a crisis and tries to find their own purpose. So they attempt to become more "mortal" by destroying their wings. Unfortunately, they grow back more multiple than normal.
Lots of angst between PAMA and Radar in this au. Think his usual Aftermath angst of "Noooo PAMA you need to live for yourself" but with the constant horror that they're mutilating themself every chance they get.
Infection au
Harper is patient zero in this au, catching a virus from another world that somehow impacts her immune system (as the people of this world and hers don't have one or the ability to get sick)
PAMA and Ivor desperately try to cure her as she deteriorates, becoming more feral and decrepit, slowly mutating into something to something that only exists to infect.
She escapes from quarantine at a point and infects a few people, which makes PAMA have the idea to chip people in order to monitor their infection progress and find a way to cure them.
At a point they have to put her down like old yeller :(
Sunshine Institute PAMA
PAMA pisses off Romeo to the point where he sends them down to the Sunshine Institute. (In essence, they let loose the fact that Admins can be de-modded and he poofs them away)
PAMA beats the ever living hell out of the Warden for the Iron Breathtaker incident and ends up on his shitlist, to which Jesse has to pull strings as a guard to stop him from basically giving them the Prisoner X treatment.
Similar to the Champ PAMA au where they explore the Underneath and all that. Also they help out and eventually Petra comes to trust them.
Champion PAMA
If Jesse takes too long to decide who will get the clock, PAMA will take initiative, which impresses Romeo and he makes them his champion!
He doesn't reprogram them, that's too easy! He HAS to train them himself! It's funner that way!
In the fight, PAMA eases in way too quickly to fighting Jesse as they're used to following orders. They HATE it but are easily conditioned.
They're surprised when Jesse refuses to attack them. After the fight, PAMA confides in Jesse that they were scared they'd act up again, that they were doomed.
PAMA then joins the cast in the Underneath.
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What are your thoughts on Willow x Hunter?
I… don't care? They're fine. Cute enough, they have something to bond over, both good to each other and exceptionally boring as a couple. They're almost the same person even except one likes lifting weights and plants while the other likes sci-fi and actually matters to the story.
I do not get the hype I guess is what I'm saying. Not that I'm entirely surprised either. It was finally a ship for Willow that wouldn't get you accused of enabling abuse or evil like Boschlow would (seriously people, what the fuck? I don't like the ship but you all need to learn to breathe.) or just all alone like Willuz or Amillow would. For Hunter it was an even bigger reprieve. The show finally told you "Ship them" with a scene without it either breaking up Lumity or being with the CANONICAL LESBIAN.
Seriously, I will not drop that they tie his character arc, effectively starting it three times over, with three different girls and that would be bad without one of them being AMITY. Because each one really does get that "This could be the start of a friendship or a romance" moment with Hunter and that makes me roll my eyes some.
So yeah, they're the safe option. They're the show approved option with no conflict between them, little contrast and it does a good job of entirely making you forget that while Willow questionably worked out before the show (we actually have nothing to go off of one way or another), Hunter almost certainly did. Because child soldier.
Going into that goes into everything that's a mess about Willow though and how much the writers just do not care about her.
So instead, I actually want to talk about two of the complaints about Huntlow that I just think are… The complaint has a purpose but its target is wrong.
"Huntlow stole time from the show."
I actually severely disagree with this. After all, Hunter was always going to get time and his arc is already rushed, to the point where it doesn't really have a middle. It just starts a few times like mentioned above, then Hollow Mind forces a climax on it and we get a little bit of resolution. That was always going to happen because it was a well established as part of the story.
The only question was with who and… Well, Willow was the choice the writers made and they made it for the sake of Huntlow over narrative. And that's the problem. Your complaint is that Hunter's arc is not good and the unfortunate consequence is that giving the arc more focus would have meant Willow just… Not being in S2. Not in a meaningful way because Willow always has to have an excuse from another character to exist.
And the time Huntlow did take? Effectively none. Because they allow Hunter to just consume Gus' role as closest person to Willow, all the Huntlow moments actually get to flow naturally because they have one personal, one on one conversation and then just know EVERYTHING about each other so the rest of it is just glances, blushes, etc. that take no time and you can just move on from.
It's really fucking bad writing but hey! Part for the course.
"It's ableist."
I think the argument for it, what little I've seen, is… dumb. And puts way more importance and impact on the two's magical handicaps WAY more than the show literally ever did. And again, the complaint is kind of missing the real problem.
Eda's curse was an AMAZING disability allegory. Unlike so many shows where the dude in a wheelchair is actually in a SUPER WHEELCHAIR SO HE CAN KICK BUTT LIKE ANYONE EL-
No. Eda was genuinely held back by the curse. She didn't let it hold her back though. She instead took her medicine, watched out for the things that may trigger her and the curse, etc. like that. It wasn't a super power but it also didn't stop her from being an exceptional person. From living the life she wanted. As someone struggling with disability myself due to anxiety and depression… That's what I want.
I don't want characters being super powered from it is not. Or being cured. And Eda gets a super saiyan form, Gus takes out a fucking coven head and Flapjack DIES and their sacrifice gives Hunter magic. The cure to his disability (and I know this was not the intention since Hunter was dying from other things but it still matters) is another person's LIFE.
When I can say for myself that my number one goal in life is not to be a burden for others due to my jacked up brain.
So… I would say people are right to say this gets borderline offensive to disabled people but it's REALLY not Huntlow's problem.
Huntlow's problems really are about the show's problems. The problems inherent to these two characters. But, as I've shown in this blog even, for being able to say SO MUCH about the two characters… There's really not a lot to say about the ship. It's there, it's cute, they don't do anything that would make people hate it outside of… I dunno, being straight? At least there is a positive straight couple in the show that isn't dead.
It's a mess but only because the show is a mess. But it's hardly one worth actually throwing a fit over.
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i read a thing a while ago that i lost the link for where some researchers had done some kind of study and found what they viewed as evidence to suggest that in bipolar disorder, the best predictors for depressive episodes & manic episodes were not changes in mood or emotion but changes in physical energy level, which they felt like suggested a theory that what is viewed as a mental illness may be more accurately looked as a disorder of energy regulation. i obviously have NO IDEA of how valid this may or may not be and also their methodology i feel like i remember was weird enough that i (layperson) was like, uh, what? but the concept has kind of stuck in my head and popped in again bc i was listening to maintenance phase (ft. guest appearance by sarah yourewrongabout!!!!!!) and michael paraphrased one of his sources by saying something like "her theory is that during this time this person was depressed, and the fatigue was a symptom of depression, and she didn't know she was depressed because being on methamphetamines masked the fatigue and other symptoms." and it was so interesting to me how like, i find it hard to imagine someone similarly suggesting a theory in which being fatigued made someone depressed. but as someone whose like primary life project for the past few months has been tackling my lifelong burden of sleepiness... i definitely feel like being tired all the fucking time can make you fucking depressed, even if nothing else is going on in your life/brain/body/spirit/whatever that would lead to that (altho fatigue also often does come from external [but not necessarily easy to identify!!!!] factors). it sucks so bad to feel like i cannot get any forward momentum going in my life because i keep losing huge chunks of it to trying to force myself to get out of bed, not because i am sad, but because my body feels like wet paper towels. and it is much harder to resist that kind of melodrama when i am Big Sleepy, and keep getting Big Sleepy - the extent to which i can do it comes basically entirely from years spent training myself to remember that just because i am a big baby does not mean all my thoughts and emotions are gospel truth.
i feel like this has also helped me identify or articulate part of my own particular reaction to like, "stop telling me to address mental illness [something i am persistently identifying as biologically caused] through choices that would impact my biological well-being" discourse, which i am usually actually kind of... i wouldn't say defensive of exactly, but i feel like if you're well enough to clown on it you're maybe well enough to put together the self-awareness it takes to recognize that fighting with mentally ill 19 year olds on the internet is not the best use of your time. and also "stop being so anti-recovery and go outside" posts are even more annoying to me. (i just hate everyone, basically, lmao.) but i think now what bugs me about the way that discourse goes on all sides is exactly the implicit assumption that like... there is no level of feeling bad physically that can produce symptoms diagnosable as certain kinds of mental illness. or that like... that there's a certain level of seriousness and import to Mental Illness that is somehow trivialized by a link to things viewed outside the realm of Mental Illness, like "having a body that feels very bad all the time" is less of a serious or worthy concern (well, really i think what's going on is that it's seen as less forgivable a reason for perceived failings, but anyway). like, even team go outside will usually say something like, "it's not a cure, but it will make you feel better." and to be clear i'm not saying it is a "cure." but like, the idea is still that it's like, potentially ameliorative of symptoms, and not... possibly in some people actually addressing some of the root mechanisms through which this condition has transpired. which to me feels like it kind of trivializes just how bad having a body that feels bad can be. in the interests of full disclosure it is possible i am projecting and this is fully about my unresolved feelings about my mom's fibromyalgia. just putting that out there for transparency.
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I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize that you have to deal with burnout like any other mental health issue. I always tend to treat burnout as this kind of “temporary affliction” like writers’ block, something that “happens to everyone” and “doesn’t really matter” because of that, when in reality none of those things are entirely true. there’s no set cure to burnout, only things you can try to help, and in many cases it can be as chronic as something like depression—everyone is different, obviously, but I’ve been dealing with it for years and I think I probably will be for a long while. it’s a part of my life and I hate that it is, but I have to learn to live with it somehow because I’ve had to come to terms with the difficult truth that, at least in my case, it’s not something that’s just going to go away if I wait long enough.
I find it hard to talk about burnout with people, I guess because it's so different for everyone. part of it is the fact that every piece of advice I've ever read on how to deal with it involves "taking a break," which, while a sentiment I agree with, just leaves me feeling so... deeply helpless. I'm sure I can't be alone in this feeling. for many of us creatives whose life quite literally revolves around our work, "just taking a break" simply isn't an option, both in the sense that, in a way, we wouldn't know who we were without it, but also in the very literal sense that like... we Have to do these things—as a living, to get a degree, to survive, whatever it be.
I'd love to take a break. I don't think it would be easy for me to step away, but at the same time I think all I have ever wanted in this was a break. but I know I can't. for some people creative burnout is something they can deal with in their spare time, but for me it's a constant, everyday struggle, and something that impacts my life daily, so... I learn to live with it, like with anything else, I guess.
so I don't know. my point is I don't think it's fair to myself anymore to look at burnout as this nebulous and inconsequential Affliction that'll just cure itself eventually, because that's not what's going to happen for me, and it's not helpful to think of it like that. burnout is different for everyone. so. you know. this is permission to take your burnout seriously, I guess—permission to take yourself seriously.
#idk#constantly having thoughts on this because it Upsets me rather frequently#i'd say i'm having a hard time lately but it's not any harder than any other time tbh#mine#burnout#mental health#mental help
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Frozen: Love As Transactional and Contradictory Themes
Warning: LONG POST, Anti-Frozen, Anti-Kristan//na, Anti-Agdu//na, swearing, discussion of colonialism
Tl;dr/Summary: The romantic pairings of Frozen, which are meant to drive the theme of unconditional love appear less romantic and more transactional. Love is something that is owed if you do nice stuff for the person you love.
The romances feel convenient for male characters and give them what they want at the expense of Anna and Iduna’s agency or against their best interests. This convenience isn’t even beneficial in the long run for either party, because it actually hinders the male character’s growth by making them the lesser of two evils rather than good characters with likable personalities of their own.
Both Kristoff and Agnarr are meant to be ideal love interests, but they are very underdeveloped despite the former being Anna’s true love and the latter being the center of Iduna’s character motivation.
Introduction
Frozen’s interesting in the sense that I completely understand what it’s trying to do, but that doesn’t mean it does it well.
The story itself is constantly contradicting itself an it’s own themes. The theme of Frozen is that love should come with no strings. Unconditional love is the right way to love someone, either romantically and platonically. Iduna and Agnarr’s love for Elsa came with strings while Anna’s didn’t. Which is why Anna’s act of love was the cure, while Elsa suffered under them.
Kristoff appeared to have a conditional relationship with Anna but then it turned unconditional, while Hans’s love appeared unconditional but in the end was conditional.
However, upon examining Frozen and it’s sequel, it’s themes become...muddled at best and hypocritical at worst. Especially when it comes to it’s romantic pairings.
Kristoff and Anna, as well as Iduna and Agnarr are one of the biggest issues that threaten to undermine the very themes of Frozen and it’s views on unconditional love. Note that I think it’s views on platonic unconditional love are...OK to an extent (at least in the first film), but it’s romantic pairings are just plain awful.
Kristoff/Anna: The Transactional and the Unconditional
My huge problem with Kristoff and Anna’s relationship is that it feels like the story (through Olaf) pressures her into returning Kristoff’s sudden feelings for her just because he helped her. Their relationship was already very transactional and it really felt like they couldn’t stand each other for a majority of the movie.
Kristoff goes from hating her spontaneity (”You don’t tell Sven what to do!” while throwing her on Sven) to suddenly loving this side of her on the flip of a coin. I could pinpoint the scene too, when she jumps into his arms after failing to scale the mountain by hand. Her incompetency is played for comedy while he watches her. Then, like a switch, he likes her. Seriously, when did he start liking that side of her?
And Anna doesn’t even appear to feel that way towards Krisotff until Olaf basically tells her Kristoff did all that nice stuff for her, so the implication is that she HAS to return his feelings. If she weren’t dying at that very moment, I don’t think that would be an option for her.
They Helped You, You Owe Them!
This theme of “they saved your life, you owe them!” also applies to Iduna and Agnarr, no matter whether or not the latter remembers this because it’s a narrative implication. The person who sacrifices their life for you or does nice stuff for you, should be your true love/or platonically they love you without strings. But only if they have no ill intentions.
As if people in general are somehow mind readers who can tell when people are fooling them. As Hans character proves, this is a very faulty line of thinking. You shouldn’t owe someone love because they do nice stuff for you, and you might never know what someone’s motivations are until it’s too late.
It feels like this notion of romance is very skewed in favor of what the story wants. Iduna can give away the only life she knew for someone she just met, but not Anna. Iduna is portrayed as selfless because she did it for Agnarr, while Anna is selfish because she did it for herself, a child neglect and in a lonely environment.
Convenience for Male Love Interests To Their Detriment and The Preservation of “Good” Royalty
I find it strange that Frozen and Frozen 2 seem to be centered on what’s the most convenient for male love interests, regardless of whether or not they are fully rounded or compelling.
And this doesn’t even mean that it’s to their benefit, but to their convenience because it actually does way more damage to be given things by the story rather than making them fully fleshed out characters.
Kristoff’s Convenience Destroyed His Character
Kristoff likes Anna, so the story is twisted in a way that benefits him so he is the one Anna ends up with.
Consequently, because his story arc is considered done he is reduced to comedic relief to keep him relevant, even when he’s not needed. Both Kristoff and Agnarr are given superficial amounts of “background” through the barest minimum, but only because it is a means to an end to convey a point.
Kristoff and Anna go through the basic boyfriend introducing girlfriend to family, (even though she is already engaged to someone else) bit. They interact with Rock Trolls, have banter with them in a wasteful song. And he talks to his reindeer. These points are necessary within a modern dating context, but they do very little to provide a deeper insight into his character that would him a better option than Hans. Things like who he truly is as a person is stripped to what is needed by the story because we are already supposed to like him by virtue that he isn’t Hans.
In fact, because we know so little about him, his characterization can change on a whim from a gruff loner to perfect boyfriend who’s entire identity is “I’m Anna’s Fiancé, look at me do goofy things!” as demonstrated by Frozen Fever and Frozen 2. Frozen 2 actually tells on itself when they include lines like “Who am I if I’m not your (Anna’s) guy?” And that is a good question. Who is Kristoff without Anna? Who is he really?
And I know that the story uses Krist*nna as a way of perpetuating the idea of not diving into a relationship with someone you literally just met, but it’s obvious that Anna does EXACTLY that, just with someone the story approves of. She and Kristoff are making out within probably a day of the end of the movie.
You can’t tell me they let Hans and the Duke of Weasleton stay for weeks between their attempted assassination of royalty. Kristoff and Anna moved WAY too fast.
Agnarr’s Convenience and Position as “Good Royalty”
Like Kristoff, Agnarr’s position as the good successor to his idiot father Runeard, is considered essential to his characterization. Good, of course, being relative. He was “slightly less of a bastard,” and therefore, better.
But you can’t make a character by saying who they AREN’T. You need to show who they ARE. And saying “well, he could’ve been worse to Elsa” is no excuse. And Runeard in a league on his own, being the stupid dumbass he was.
Agnarr, by the definition of the story, needed to live so he could be the good king. And meant that Iduna had to sacrifice herself for his convenience.
Out of both parents, Agnarr is given the most screen time and dialogue. His convenience and inability to love Elsa correctly motivates him and Iduna to force her to conceal her powers. All the problems that arise in the story are due to him introducing the gloves to Elsa, and he and by extension Iduna are the basis on the conflict.
I say an extension because she almost a complete nonfactor of a character in the original Frozen movie. She is given maybe two lines, tops. She is still accountable, though, for the hot mess that is called Elsa’s upbringing.
But it’s also worth noting that the second movie expands her character and background. She is given more screen time, dialogue, and songs relating to her character. And it’s still very centered on her love for Agnarr, which is portrayed as a positive influence on her despite him being the main source of her leaving her community and keeping her identity as secret. It doesn’t really feel romantic when she basically has to live in fear to keep him on the throne.
Iduna and the Boy She Just Met
Iduna’s character is motivated to leave her people for a boy she just met. This goes against the very themes of Frozen, but not really upon closer inspection. It’s mostly about the convenience of “good” royalty, and he’s Agnarr so he’s special.
Not special enough to give him a fully rounded character, but special in the sense that he is considered a better alternative. As I’ve said before, his characterization is mostly based on the idea of him being the lesser of two evils.
His convenience is placed above Iduna’s safety. The questions of where she lived during her time in Arendelle, who took care of her, how she navigated this life as a child and still felt comfortable being with the person who is the prince of colonialistic nation is considered almost a nonfactor. It is meant to evoke sympathy, but not outrage at her circumstances that left her basically without a support network.
She is praised as sefless for saving Agnarr at the expense of herself. And she is rewarded with his love, which apparently totally worth losing so much.
Final Thoughts
I’m not really sure how Frozen will navigate it’s themes in future installments. However, without significant changes and a reevaluation of what it wants to say, it’s ultimate impact on audiences will leave them questioning if Frozen’s desire to convey unconditional love actually comes with strings attached.
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Look at me when you kill me.
Hi, my name is Alyssa.
I'm 41 years old, a mother, a writer, a dog-lover, and a great big nerd. Not too long ago, I realized a couple of really huge lifelong dreams: first, I moved from the Southwest desert to the lush green east coast area where there are trees, and water, and shade, and life; then, just last year, I published my first novel.
I am also a newlywed! After surviving a disastrous first marriage to someone I never should have been with in the first place, I unexpectedly met the most amazingly perfect partner for me in 2016 and fell just deliriously in love. We will be celebrating our second wedding anniversary in October. I never, ever expected to be this happy, or this in love with another human being. We lost a lot of time being on opposite ends of the country and not knowing the other existed for close to forty years. Now every second we have together is a treasure and it will never be enough.
My life is pretty good despite a few blemishes. Money is always an issue. My health is another. I suffer from asthma, polycystic ovary syndrome, Hashimoto's disease, anemia, dysautonomia, degenerative disc disease, and agonizing chronic joint pain possibly related to something in the chronic fatigue family. I've had multiple injuries in recent years that didn't heal right and still give me the odd twinge because I never saw a doctor for them. I'm also autistic, which means I'm vulnerable to another cluster of physical and mental health issues such as gastritis and other stomach troubles, Celiac disease, sensory processing disorders, depression, and anxiety.
Mostly I just get on with things because I have a lot to live for. I spend a lot of my time with dogs, which makes me happy, and every second I spend with my husband is a joy. My second book is coming out later this year, and I have plans to write many more. I'm only 41 and my second shot at life is only just starting. I have lots of things planned.
In April of this year, just days after my birthday, I had surgery to remove my cancerous thyroid gland. It was really scary to go in for a major surgery during lockdown, and it has been scary trying to recover from surgery in the middle of a global pandemic that, frankly, not enough of the people around me are taking seriously. However, I'm now cancer-free and my doctor assures me that my long-term prognosis is excellent. For all intents and purposes, she said, I can consider myself “cured.” It's nice to know that, because my road to recovery has been and remains pretty rocky.
Still, I'm getting there.
I'm telling you all of this because I need you to understand something. When you talk about the COVID-19 pandemic and you say things like, “Only old or sick people are dying from this. Healthy people are going to be fine. It only affects people who were probably going to die anyway,” as the reason why you think we should end restrictions, “get on with it,” and “go back to normal,” you're talking about me. I'm the “sick person” who will die or be left seriously compromised if I am exposed to COVID-19. The vague someone else you're okay with sacrificing, because it's not a real person to you, it's just a statistic? It's me. I'm real.
I want you to look at my face, and read my words, and understand that you are saying it's okay for me to die so you can go out for Buffalo wings, or see a concert, or send your kids back to school. You're asking me to volunteer to die so you can stop feeling like things are weird and hard and uncomfortable right now.
Let me be clear: I do not want to die. I do not volunteer. And you have no right to demand it of me.
I wouldn't say I “live in fear,” exactly, but I am afraid. Mainly I'm afraid because very few of the people I have to interact with seem even marginally invested in making sure they don't expose me to a disease that absolutely will ruin me if I contract it. If it seemed to me, even a little bit, that my community cared about helping to keep me safe, I wouldn't be so afraid.
Instead, what I mostly see is people arguing why they shouldn't have to care. Why I'm expendable. Why my death – which is completely avoidable – is actually an acceptable cost of them being able to do whatever activity it is they want to do. Why my desire not to die is actually an infringement on their rights somehow. I'm less afraid of the virus than I am of my fellow humans, who have largely made it clear that their indifference to death and suffering means they would actually prefer for me to die, because then one more person insisting on safety measures would be out of the way. Herd immunity, I hear a lot of the time.
“Herd immunity” means me, and people like me, dying for your convenience. Millions of us. I've tried to get my head around the physical reality of the number two million – a modest estimate of the number of deaths it would take in the U.S. alone to reach any kind of herd immunity. I can't do it. It's too big. I'll never interact with anything like two million people over the course of my entire life. I'll never see two million people all in one place. It's too big. And every single one of those sacrifices to your comfort is a human being like me: with plans, with loves, with dreams and fears and many more dogs to pet and trees to climb and books to write.
I do not consent to be your sacrifice.
I wouldn't say I live in fear, no, but I do have a lot of anger these days. How dare you demand my death in exchange for your haircut? For your Disney vacation? For your dinner at Applebee's? Even, and I'm sorry to have to be so blunt, in exchange for this one specific year of your kids' in-person schooling? Yes, this is terrible and hard. No, it's not good that this is what we're all going through right now. Yes, this is going to have an impact on the children that we're going to be dealing with for a long time to come. No, my death is not an acceptable trade-off.
It is not. I don't know how to make that clear enough to you. I may be one of the “pre-existing condition” people, but I'm not “probably going to die anyway.” My conditions are managed and I'm healing and I have a lot to live for. The only way I'm dying is if you insist on killing me. You don't have to do it. You can choose to value human life more than the convenience of dinner out in a restaurant. You can choose to protect me by wearing your masks properly and washing your hands and staying home except for necessities until the virus is under control.
There is nothing foregone about our response to this pandemic. The virus will do what viruses do, obviously, but this fatalism so many people have embraced toward our handling of it is bonkers. We have choices, and America has chosen mass murder by indifference as if there's no other way. This is me grabbing you virtually by the lapels and demanding to know what is wrong with you that two hundred thousand of your friends, family members, coworkers, doctors, retail clerks, hairstylists, and teachers can drop dead in six months and your response is, “Well we can't live in fear. It's time to open the schools! Let's get back to work! I miss concerts! Fake news!”
My name is Alyssa. I am one of the sick ones. I am full of passion and imagination and I have a lot of living left to do yet, and I am real.
I do not want to die, and you have no right to ask me to.
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together through the fog
ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark
theo van gogh / mc | 1770 | T
Born frailer than your average pureblood vampire, she's doomed to need fresh human blood—not just rouge—to survive. Drinking from them will cost more than just blood: and she doesn't want to make them pay that price, especially not the one she loves the most. What decisions are you free to make when you don't really have a choice—and how is Theo going to convince her that staying a little longer isn't so bad if he's with her?
chapter 1 of 3
One of the most important rules of being in the art dealership industry is to make good connections. No amount of great art at hand will amount to much if the dealer does not have the appropriate connections to get these art into the proper hands. Of course, wealthy patrons are always much appreciated, for the invasion of the new art into the eyes of the more conservative aristocracy is one way to usher in the new dawn, but there are other types of connections that have to be made—and that is, to those who are not only interested in the art, but are also willing to lend a hand in the sharing of this art to the rest of the world.
Theo has a lot of clients. In the handful of years he has spent in the industry, he has collected his fair share of interested patrons and sponsors for the artists. Favoritism is of no use in this world. But if one were to ask—it would be easy for him to say that his best, perhaps his favorite, client, was a Comtesse that lived at the outskirts of town.
Rich, born of old money, in a large mansion where she lives alone, besides perhaps her singular, nosy butler. They’ve known each other for a few years now, after having met when they were much younger, and they have become, to some degree, friendly with each other, not only with regards to his work. Make no mistake—she is not his friend for superficial reasons like appearance or wealth. It’s that she has a great eye for art—and a big heart for it as well.
“Theo! it’s been a while since you’ve come around.”
Her greeting comes instantly as the door to her study opens, Theo being ushered in by her butler, Sebastian. She’s sipping from a teacup in front of a fireplace, bundled up under blankets—even when it isn’t too cold outdoors yet.
“You know how the industry is,” he comments, as he settles on the seat across her, setting down the framed painting gently on the soft red carpet of her study. Once Theo’s own cup of coffee is poured, the butler leaves the room, the door closing with a silent click. Theo does not miss the expression on the butler’s face before he disappears. He turns back to his friend, gauging. “When I saw this piece I had an inkling that it would be to your taste.”
She chuckles, a little embarrassedly, putting down the teacup on its saucer. “Now, now. You make it seem like the kind of art I like is on the predictable side.”
“I wouldn’t say predictable, but you do have a taste.”
She nods. “Oh? I had not even noticed. Maybe you watch me a little too keenly, Theo.”
“Just for work,” he quips back with a friendly smile, as he uncovers the painting he has brought with him.
-
Theo was right—the painting is to her taste. It was a painting of a morning through the frame of a window, overlooking a snowy mountain. The gentle texture of the brushstrokes from the view outside made the snow falling seem so real, delicate and soft, and the thicker, rougher ones along the inside of the room made it feel closer, a little warmer. By a yet-unknown artist, of course, and she contemplates hanging it along the main hallway of the mansion, making sure it will catch the eye of anyone who will pass by, hoping it would spark something.
And then the dizziness returns.
There was no doubt Theo noticed her spacing out during their little conversation, but there is only so much she can do in hiding how unwell she’s been feeling. She had instantly sighed in relief when Theo was guided out of the room—as now she can clutch her head freely and whine a little in the throbbing inside of her skull.
But it’s okay. At least she has the paintings.
The one thing she can do.
It doesn’t matter if she isn’t going to last long, not anymore. But at least, if she can do something for the things she loves… maybe it will be worth it in the long run.
-
Theo has always had his wits around him, particularly in terms of being observant. While he’s not infallible, the little things generally do not escape him, and he makes sure he stows them away in the back of his head for safekeeping.
Theo was 25 when she first wrote to him about it
She wrote: How would you feel about it if I were a vampire?
This really didn’t surprise Theo as awfully as it ought to have. There was one particularly intriguing rumor that spread around town about her family. Whether or not the people knew, had a clue, or if it were just the result of their imagination, is beyond him, but there have always been rumors about her family being a family of vampires. Of course, it is easy to shrug off: the human imagination is an interesting thing, and with the rise of rational science throughout the past few centuries, vampiric lore has simply fallen out of favor. Besides, this kind of rumor is unsurprising when the area’s oldest and longest living aristocrat families live such a secretive, mysterious life outside of the rare social events they decide to engage in.
Theo had the same thought process, of course. He had written back rather amusedly, saying that even if she were a vampire, it would not change the fact that she was a good friend of his. No fang or lost blood will get in the way of my fondness towards you, he had written.
Fondness—fondness is too simple a word for what he feels towards her.
But what matters is that she had written back, in her small, delicate handwriting: Well, then it is my pleasure to tell you that I am.
That was just three years back, but it feels like a million years ago. He had not given it much thought then. He had not given it much thought as of late.
Until now.
Until today, really, sitting across her in her study watching her space out as the tiny sharp tips of fangs protruded out from where her lips can no longer hide them.
If she was not lying to him, then that’s alright.
But there was no denying that look of desperation hiding in her eyes, as she tries to focus on something else in the room other than him.
He turns before the mansion’s main door gets shut behind him, turning to the butler with seriousness in his eyes.
“Sebastian, I have a question I have to ask you.”
-
She had met Theo when he was much younger—he was 18 at the time. And she… Well, greater vampires age a little differently than humans do, but she must have looked about 16. Her parents had brought her to an exhibition that day. it was part of her training—much was needed for an eternally-living vampire to be able to fit into human society without standing out too much.
Her interest in art was another thing altogether, though.
While her parents had gone away to talk with their acquaintances and other friends in the gallery, she had decided to walk around to enjoy the paintings that were on display. She grew up surrounded in art—part of the privileges of being born into the aristocracy—and these weren’t new to her, but some of the paintings… felt different. They were painted in different ways, looked at things in different lights. They piqued her interest. She wanted to get to know them more and-
She met Theo.
Theo was one of the youngest art dealers present during the show, which had been overseen by the company he was working with. She is still not entirely sure what had drawn Theo to her at that time—perhaps it was their seeming-similarity in age—but that day, they had made good friends, talking about art and paintings and the life of an artist. She wasn’t an artist herself, but the discussions had made such an impact on her that afterwards—they had exchanged addresses, and promised to write to each other.
That now feels like a lifetime ago.
How long ago was that, even? Surely at least a decade past. Time is a fickle thing for creatures like her. A decade is no more than a human’s millisecond. In a few more centuries, she will have forgotten everything about this little life, maybe even this mansion in the outskirts of Paris. The oldest of her family have been alive longer than humans would expect.
But not her.
It seems… unnatural, but she was born sickly, frailer than your average vampire. On occasion, she catches what is perhaps the vampire equivalent of a flu—weakness, fatigue, body pains, fever, and dizziness. Of course, this is curable with a good drink of blood, as is most things for vampires like her, but there is a catch—drinking it fresh from the source is always the better option. She would need bottles and bottles of rouge to recover from one “flu”, but fresh blood—
Fresh blood is different.
Drawn straight out of the vein, still warm from flesh…
That would cure her in minutes.
Too bad she has gotten a little too fond of humans.
Ah, how can one not, when you spend most of your life watching them struggle to live when death knocks at their door so soon after their birth? Humans have a strength she cannot comprehend. One she wishes she had. So she’s sworn to never drink out of a human ever again; even if it is at the cost of her health. She can acquire all the rouge she needs to recover. She cannot replace a random human’s short meaningful life at the cost of eternity for her own convenience—and she does not have the heart to drain one into death, if to spare them from the curse of living throughout perpetuity.
Caught between a rock and a hard place, they say.
She clutches her chest as the coughs overtake her, so strongly she is thrown to her knees onto the ground. Her butler rushes to her aid, but does not make it before she collapses onto the floor with a thud.
She doesn’t want to drink from humans anymore. And especially—not from the one she loves the most. But maybe this time she doesn’t really have a choice.
#ikemen vampire#ikevamp#ikevamp theo#ikemen vampire theo#ikevam theo#ikevam#fic#together through the fog
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Change my view: “Gender Dysphoria is a cureable mental illness, we've stopped looking for the cure because society is now forced into accepting transgenders.”
There is something known as the social model of disability that applies here. Being deaf for instance is generally considered a disability, but if society were set up such that we didn’t use sound as our primary means of communication than being deaf would not have any negative impacts on a person’s life and it would no longer be classified as a disability. This applies with mental illness as well, something is only a mental illness if it causes significant distress in a person’s life by definition. What is and isn’t a mental illness is a rather arbitrary line to draw and some of it is dependent on what society is willing to accept and accommodate. This means that one could eradicate a mental illness by changing society, that is entirely possible.
Mental illness treatment is a rather tricky thing in general. It usually involves a lifetime of medication and a various forms of therapy that can only ever lessen the problems while only occasionally producing anything resembling a cure in a minority of people. That is the current level that mental illness treatment is at. If you consider gender dysphoria a mental illness though, compare that to what happens when people transition. It cuts suicide attempts by an order of magnitude. Post-op trans people still have a higher suicide rate than the general population by a couple percent, but that’s still an order of magnitude better than the nearly 50% pre-op suicide rate. As mental illness treatments go, transitioning has insanely good almost perfect results. People would kill to have something even half that effective for anxiety and depression. The higher post-op suicide rate than the general population is fully explainable as a result of people not accepting them including often their own family.
Transitioning saves lives, that’s just an objective fact. Trans acceptance is suicide prevention. The only reason to not do it would be if it also has consequences that are somehow worse than the thing it prevents. I can’t even think of a single negative consequence though, let alone one worse than avoiding a proven suicide prevention measure. Calling sex reassignment surgery “mutilation” is misleading at best. It’s a cosmetic operation done in a starile hospital room under anesthetic by a trained surgeon, not a schizophrenic castrating himself with a rusty knife. If that’s the standard for calling something “mutilation” than a hip replacement is “bone mutilation” and open heart surgery is “chest mutilation”. If you are worried about children transitioning, people have thought of that. Although transphobes will often call it “chemical castration” in their usual fear mongering way, puberty blockers only postpone puberty for as long as a person is on them and the moment they stop taking them things resume as normal. Nobody is seriously suggesting doing anything irreversible to anyone under 18.
Homosexuality was once considered a mental illness too. However, people realized that they were freaking out about nothing and that everyone is better off when nobody goes out of their way to cause active harm in order to prevent a harmless action. That is happening again with trans people, though that movement has been consistently a few years behind gay and lesbian acceptance.
I should probably clarify where I’m coming from here. I’m the son of a trans women, and I dated a trans man once who I’m still close friends with to this day. My trans-parent was sent to conversion therapy, in a move that lead to multiple suicide attempts she blamed herself for it not working and that sort of thing can put people in a really dark place. She has since decided to embrace who she is and transition. My trans-man friend and I have shared things with each other that nobody else on Earth knows about us. I have known him for every step of the transition process, and I have seen his mental health improve quite a lot as a result. He was in a really bad place when I first met him, and now he’s doing much better.
I would also like to add that I am diagnosed with mild autism myself, and I have problems with the way you seem to think of that sort of thing. I don’t know if this is intentional or if you’ve just spent too long around transphobic rhetoric (I’m going to assume the latter), but the tactic of comparing gender dysphoria to mental illness only serves to pin the existing stigma associated with mental illness to being transgender. It’s an appeal to ableism, basically. Calling it a mental illness changes nothing though. Mentally ill people still deserve a basic level of decency, the right to express themselves, and freedom from bullying. The word “delusional” is often carelessly thrown around in relation to transgender people, but that is factually inaccurate based on what is known about gender dysphoria and it only serves to bring to mind stereotypes of mental illness. I have to deal with enough ableism shit on my own, and I hate seeing it used against people I care about too. They don’t deserve that.
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((do NOT reblog))
Lately I’ve been thinking that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I’ve been tired—like, extremely so—for . . . maybe a year now? If not longer. It feels like it settled in shortly after I started my new job back in March of 2019, so in that case it’d be more like a year and nine months, but it’s hard to say for sure. I thought for a long time that it was because of my new job, because I have to wake up early in the morning for it and my delayed sleep phase disorder means that I’m running on a lower than average hours of sleep each night during the week. But lately I think it’s more than that.
See, the thing is, it doesn’t matter how much sleep I get. Even if I get the suggested nine hours a night, I’m still dozing off a little after waking up, like a couple hours later. Even if I get twelve, thirteen, or fourteen hours of sleep in a night, sure enough I’ll be dozing off again a few hours after waking up. I have no energy to do anything on the weekends. Even if I get the aforementioned thirteen hours of sleep Friday going into Saturday, on Saturday I still feel so drained that doing a load of laundry leaves me feeling completely wiped out. This causes mess to pile up in my house, because I just don’t have the energy to get it done, because I only start to feel normal by Sunday night (and even then it’s like barely normal) but then the work week starts again. I had a four day weekend this weekend thanks to the Christmas holiday, and I spent both Thursday and Friday with no energy to do anything at all. Even when I didn’t feel sleepy, I felt so drained of energy that just laying there felt like the most that I could do. Today I’ve felt a bit better, but still recuperating. Tomorrow, my last day off, is the only day I think I’ll have the energy to actually do stuff and get my house in order. But then the work week starts again, and so does the cycle anew.
And the thing is, this isn’t normal. I didn’t used to be like this. Even when I was only getting like five hours of sleep a night, I’d just need a day or so of rest and then I’d be back at 100%. But now it’s like I’m slow charging, and it’s never enough because I don’t have time for it to be enough. One or two days of sustained activity is enough so that my body wants to shut down for like a week. And it’s not sustainable! It’s very hard to live like this! I can’t keep my house clean or do basically anything else because I feel so drained. This is also why I haven’t written anything of substance in so long; even though writing isn’t a physical activity (aside from the physical activity of typing), it still takes energy, and that’s energy that I just haven’t had. My battery is constantly in the red, yellow at best, and I don’t know what to do about it.
About four or five months ago, when I told my doctor about this, he gave me Antidepressant #2 in an effort to help it. That seemed to work for like, a day or two . . . then I went right back to falling asleep at my desk at work no matter how much I slept the night before. I recently asked him to up the dosage to see if that would help, and he agreed*, but then I discovered that upping the dosage gives me tinnitus, and people on the internet say that after they kept using it despite the tinnitus it got to the point where the tinnitus never went away even after they stopped the medication, so. I’ve decided to stop taking that one and I’m going to try to wean myself off it. I’ll talk to him about that on Monday.
(*He said that he didn’t think that it would help and suggested that I exercise to get more energy instead. Of course, the fatal flaw of that plan is that I don’t have the energy needed to exercise in the first place. Plus, my legs are such shit that even things like jump rope cause my right ankle and left shin to be fucked up for days afterward. He suggested I try yoga, since that’s a low impact exercise, and I’ve got myself a mat to give it a shot, but I don’t have much optimism about it making much of a difference.)
I looked up Chronic Fatigue Syndrome online and it honestly does sound like it fits. I’m constantly exhausted, I have daily headaches (which could be down to my genetics since I do have genetic migraines but still), I often have muscle pain in various parts of my body, etc. But at the same time I’m not sure if it’s actually that or if I’m just overreacting. Like I don’t know what the threshold is, or if I’m like, I don’t know . . . what if I’m just lazy? I don’t think I am, because there are things I genuinely wish I could do that I just don’t have the energy to do. I wish I could take my dog on hikes and long walks. Pre-pandemic, I wanted to do things like go to the art museum or the science center or the zoo. I’d like to do rock climbing, provided my legs could handle that, and so on. But even before the pandemic, I never had the energy on the weekends to actually go out and do those things. I’d want to! But then I’d feel so dead that I couldn’t even get out of bed before late afternoon / evening, much less actually go out to do things. Don’t get me wrong, I do take my dog on short walks at least once a day, usually multiple times a day, because I’d never neglect her needs like that. But it’s not the same as being able to take her out to a trail and explore new areas that would surely be more interesting to her nose than just our neighborhood.
So I don’t think I’m lazy, because I want to do these things, and even smaller things, like I wish that my house could be clean and that I could make all these interior decorating renovations to it, but I just don’t have the energy. But I still don’t know if it’s actually bad enough to be considered Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I still don’t know if I’m overreacting. What if this is a level of exhaustion that everyone has, but unlike me they can push through it? What if this is just part of Being Thirty and I’m just too weak to handle it? It’s like how I didn’t know if the pain I felt during my period was normal or not, and I still don’t actually. My gyno gave me the birth control implant to drive my periods down just because I asked for it, she didn’t actually diagnose me with any illness like endometriosis or anything like that. Sure, it felt like machetes were being shoved up into me every month to the point where I’d become incapacitated and sometimes even cry out in pain and sometimes even throw up due to how bad it was, but it could be that way for everyone, right? Maybe that’s just how it feels to have the lining of your uterus shred itself because it’s mad you didn’t get pregnant that month. How am I supposed to know?
There’s no real point to this post. It’s more that I just wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere. I don’t even know where to go from here, really. I don’t think my doctor takes me seriously enough to look into a diagnosis like this, but also I’ve never had luck finding a doctor that does take me seriously and I don’t really know where to start looking. To be fair, I do have an anxiety disorder and so I grant that my mind does find jumping to the Worst Case Scenario to be an easy one, but also the last doctor I had literally would not listen to me describe my breathing problems to her without dismissing me entirely, so. It’s been rough. Of course, even if I did get a diagnosis, it’s not like there’s a treatment, and definitely not a cure. So even if I do have CFS, what can be done about it? It’s not like knowing will solve the issues that it causes in my life.
I don’t know. There’s no point to this. It just really sucks to be fucking physically exhausted all of the goddamn time, especially since sleep does little to help it and I hate sleeping anyway since I have nightmares at least 75% of the time, if not 85%. (It honestly feels more like 85%. Maybe even 90%. It’s very rare that I wake up having not had at least one or two bad dreams that night.) I just want to have energy. I don’t know what that’s so much to ask of my body.
But anyway, DO NOT reblog this, or I’ll just delete it so the cut leads nowhere anyway and also block you, thank you,
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Sorry if you've answered this before but I'm curious about the lost tomb. Does one need to watch the other seasons to watch the reboot or whatever the new thing is? I saw gifs from it a couple months back and thought the cast was really pretty but didn't watch because I didn't want to have to watch all that other stuff to get to the pretty boys yanno? Would I be losing out on anything by not watching the other content?
Hum...
So I watched “The Lost Tomb” first, the original season is only 10 episodes long, and then dove immediately into “Reunion”; but since every single character is re-cast between seasons with extremely few exceptions, you still have to learn everyone over again. I did feel like I was missing some stuff, but not to a degree that impacted my viewing.
Um... I’ll make a little character guide for you. Read that and you should be fine::
Wu Xie (Iron Triangle #1)
Wu Xie is the main POV focus.
Wu Xie’s great-grandfather began robbing tombs during China’s great famine as a way to feed his family. He left behind The Gravedigger’s Notebook (title of the book series), which catalogues hidden tombs both explored and rumored. It is considered the family’s greatest treasure.
Wu Xie does not rob tombs to make money. He believes in studying their history and secrets, and sort of goes in as an advanced scout before summoning archaeological teams and donating everything inside to museums and such.
In the original “Lost Tomb” series (2015), Wu Xie is poisoned inside a tomb. To save his life, Xiao Ge feeds him something called “Dragon Medicine”- an ancient, rare form of Chinese medicine that grows more potent with age. The piece Wu Xie eats is 3,000 years old, and it causes permanent changes to his DNA. This appears in the story as both Wu Xie’s blood being used to protect others sometimes and whenever someone mentions Wu Xie having “Dragon’s Blood”.
Kylin // Zhang Qiling // Xiao Ge (Iron Triangle #2)
A 100+++ year old tomb raider. Xiao Ge is the patriarch of the most powerful tomb raiding family- though he doesn’t have anything to do with them. His kind are incredibly long lived and he may even be an immortal- so long as he doesn’t die of injury, starvation, cold, etc.
His blood is a deterrent to most of the creepy crawlies in tombs, it can cure some poisons, and he has two fingers on his right hand that are elongated and possess near super strength thanks to an ancient and lost technique.
Xiao Ge often wanders off on his own, but he always appears when Wu Xie is in trouble. For an unknown reason, Xiao Ge has had a couple instances in the past where he as badly injured and lost time or memory entirely, so much of his past is a mystery to him as well.
Wang Pangzi // Fatty (Iron Triangle #3)
Wu Xie’s constant companion and, along with Xiao Ge, one of his best friends. Pangzi was a tomb robber once upon a time, but a couple of raids in a row landed him with Wu Xie, who doesn’t allow him to steal.
Pangzi has friends in low places, but Wu Xie has become the person he is most loyal to. Seriously, they act like an old married couple most of the time. Oh, and Pangzi might have magical abilities like Xiao Ge- no matter how long they’ve been in a tomb or how unprepared they were to enter, he somehow always has plenty of peanuts or sunflower seeds in his pockets. It’s a running joke.
** Wu Xie’s uncle Sanxing had a companion and right hand man named Panzi who is mentioned a couple times. It gets confusing, just a heads up.
Wu Sanxing // Third Uncle
(Couldn’t find a GIF)
Wu Xie’s father is the first brother, Wu Sanxing is the third (the second is listed next). Wu Xie idolized his uncle Sanxing his entire life, but Wu Sanxing vanished after a tomb exploration, never to be seen or heard from again.
Wu Xie’s guiding mission is to find his uncle Sanxing at all costs- but to do that he must use his grandfather’s notebook to follow in his uncle’s footsteps and try to piece together a decades-old mystery.
Wu Erbai // Second Uncle
Wu Xie’s... second uncle, lmao!
With Wu Sanxing missing, Wu Erbai is the only family Wu Xie has around (in some “Lost Tomb” adaptations Wu Xie says his parents are dead, but in this one it is implied they are alive but estranged from Wu Xie). Wu Erbai is a bit of a mob boss, though he is kind to his family. He tends to finance Wu Xie’s explorations and takes a keen interest in his nephew’s safety and wellbeing.
A-Ning
(No GIF)
A-Ning was one of the first tomb robbers Wu Xie ever encountered on his travels. Over “The Lost Tomb” series, Wu Xie and A-Ning go from enemies to friends- and there are little hints that they may have been heading towards intimate relations.
In “Reunion”, A-Ning is revealed to have died on Wu Xie’s watch as they searched for a tomb (IDK if this is part of another of the Lost Tomb shows, I’m going back now to watch my way through the whole series). Her memory is very present in the story, so it was worth mentioning her.
Black Glasses // Hei Yanjing
(Not Giffed, but... you know... look for a dude all in black wearing sunglasses religiously)
One of the people Wu Erbai has on his payroll. Black Glasses is another semi-immortal. He is only a little bit younger than Xiao Ge, and very nearly his equal in terms of power.
Yanjing’s main abilities lie in his eyes though. Out in the world- day or night- he is blind without his simple black sunglasses. In a pitch-black tomb though, he can see perfectly due to his insanely good night vision.
Xiao Ge fights mainly with his sword, but Yanjing is more fond of modern weapons such as guns. He’ll use anything to his advantage- and he’s quite mouthy. I think he and Xiao Ge are... cousins? Or something?
=========
=========
That’s pretty much it for “Reunion”. There are a few other characters who are returns from earlier seasons, but their purposes are pretty easy to guess and their roles minor enough that you’ll pick up on their characters pretty quickly. This includes Liu Sang- the one whose GIFsets I keep sharing :)
The show contains itself in its own story very well, so I think you’ll be able to make it through. But if you feel lost, all I watched before going into it was “The Lost Tomb” from 2015 (10 episodes), mainly to learn who the characters are. You can also look up the characters in the DMBJ Wiki (DMBJ = shorthand for the name of the novel).
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For Dahlia: 🌟💔💕👻👌🏻
Thank you so much !! I always love talking about my girl 🥺💖
🌟 ...someone my muse trusts
Outside of the obvious with Liara and Joker. She trusts Wrex quite literally with her life. They went through so much together, she helped him find his family armor, and in return he saw reason for not saving Saren's cure. Their whole friendship is built on such a strong and solid foundation of trust. She sees Wrex as her brother and has gone to so many lengths to help the Krogans, and knew he would always have her back in helping her own people too.
💔 ...Someone who broke my muse's heart.
Hmm, not in a romantic way but Kaidan did. She wanted him to trust her wholly, especially after he found out she was with Cerberus. She didn't expect him to, of course. She never fully trusted Cerberus herself. But hearing Kaidan shoot her down really broke her. She never held it against him, she couldn't. But still knowing that someone you considered family just not want to trust you, it stings.
💕 .... someone my muse loves.
Well, clearly Liara would be the obvious answer. That woman owns her entire heart and soul. But she truly and wholly loves her son, Otikk. She rescued the young salarian from a life as a duct rat. Gave him a home, loving parents- and in return, she was this kid's whole world. She's never been so devoted to someone that wasn't her bond mate. He was the reason to wake up in the morning, to fight the good fight, to end the reaper war before its beyond a galaxy worth saving
👻 .... someone your muse considers their best friend.
Oh, Joker, hands down. They confide in each other so so much, he's one of the few people who has seen her at her lowest and is blessed to see her at her highest. Hell, when Liara and Dahlia got married, Joker was made one of the "bros of honor" along side the maids of honor. Those two would be inseparable during shore leave. Hes one of the people where of something bad happened to him, she would genuinely feel so lost.
👌🏻 ... someone my muse has only met once, but will never forget.
Bro, that little boy on Earth. That seriously struck her so hard and left such an impact on her life. Especially after watching his death, it only made her want to fight harder to get the Reapers out of their home. Its not a positive impact nor is it an inspiring tale she can tell later one. But it is something that will live with her forever.
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Introducing Medieval!Zen (or Witch!Zen i guess?)
She is a nature based witch who increases her lifespan by luring unsuspecting victims into her forest and stealing their souls. however, she has saved up quite a few souls at this point and is more interested in messing with her victims rather than killing them or stealing their souls. she is a few thousand years old, and has another few hundred to go before she needs to gather souls again.
She currently lives in the “cursed woods”, which got it’s reputation after she tormented almost everyone who entered and sometimes even drove them insane with her tricks, some of them never even made it out. She basically made anyone who entered become completely lost, and then messed with them for a solid few weeks before letting them leave. the ones that don’t leave are kept as slaves/servants (this is thanks to a poison she puts in them. the information for this poison is in the fun facts section of this post).
When she get’s bored of the forest she travels to the town outside her forest and works under the guise of a traveling herbalist/apothecary. Her fake identity is famous for being able to cure almost anything with her remedies. When she is doing this, she is also 100% willing to make poison's and potions for the right price. in reality, she doesn’t actually care about what she get’s in return, but she might as well get some money or something out of is. She just wants to see the chaos and trouble that follows. she would also give make the wrong mixture if she was feeling extra cheeky, or if her client is being an ass.
When she’s not being a complete sadist she is more of an observer. She would much rather watch something play out than actively participate. at most she will throw in an oddball to spice things up but she is more interested in seeing peoples reactions to challenging situations. It’s all very interesting and entertaining to her.
Thanks to her long life and general sadistic nature, she is extremely apathetic and takes very little seriously. she’s been around long enough and grown strong enough that it is rare for her to ever be in any real danger. Knowing this, she has no problem pissing people off and poking their buttons. getting them to the point of attacking is sometimes even her goal, for the sake of simply satisfying her curiosity and boredom.
Her powers include:
Growing any plant from any surface she wants, as well as her own body
Controlling a plant’s movements, shape, and size, even if she didn’t grow them
She can communicate basic messages, feelings, or desires to animals, and they act docile around her. it depends on how she treats them whether or not they respond positively to her influence
she is immune to basically all poisons and toxins thanks to working with and being around so many dangerous plants for so long
as a witch, she has decent resistance to common magic. for example, she can’t be charmed or manipulated by magic, and magic based attacks have less of an impact on her. this is also thanks to her age and experience
she can sense if there is something inhuman or magical nearby. this includes creatures, weapons, potions, and naturally magical areas. this means that if something isn’t a human or animal, or if something has been cursed or blessed, she will know. she will also have a general understanding of what it is exactly.
she can steal the soul of any living creature once she weakens them enough, and use their soul to extend her life. the stronger, older, and more magical her victim is, the longer her lifespan is extended. for example, a full grown stag would give her 3 to 4 years at most, while an adult human would give her around 20-30 years. a magical creature, depending on it’s age, species, and power levels, could give her anywhere between 50 to 200 years. So in short, she’s had to collect A LOT of souls to live this long and still have a few hundred to go. if she was to be “killed” she would simply loose one of the souls at random.
Fun Facts:
her favorite flower is Angels Trumpets, or Brugmansia. Despite it’s name a appearance, the seeds are extremely poisonous and if ingested, will cause the victim to experience symptoms that include, but are not limited to: confusion, tremors, migraines, poor coordination, delusions, auditory and visual hallucinations, and insanity. this is what she mainly uses to trap and torment her victims. if she’s feeling really evil, she will plant one of these seeds in her victims body and infuse it with her magic, making them basically her own zombie slaves. (yes this is a real flower, and yes it is my favorite flower irl)
She has an entire garden at her home in the forest full of toxic and poisonous plants. she makes her zombified victims take care of it, and sometimes tests different plants and mixtures on them.
the orange and pink roses in her hair are a flower of her own creation, born from her soul. it can not be grown by anyone but her, and it is in these flowers that she stores stolen souls. they cannot be trimmed or picked by anyone but her, and they can only grow from her body.
if you had to assign her an alignment, it would be neutral evil
She has two names. Zen is her birth name, and is what she typically goes by. Her witch name/title is Karma.
Now, despite all this stuff, she is currently rather passive. she has all the souls and servants she needs and is not acting on her more sadistic tendencies. if she doesn’t find you interesting, she will basically ignore your existence. if you catch her attention, she might pull some pranks and push your buttons, but it would take a lot for her to go full on evil witch mode. just don’t piss her off and you’ll make it out relatively unscathed.
If you couldn’t tell, I had a LOT of fun making this one. I REALLY LOVE THIS TYPE OF THING IF YOU HAVEN’T GUESSED YET. And I’m still working on a backstory so maybe more to come? Idk but I hope you found this interesting if you read the whole thing!
#Creatorverse au#creatorverse aus#zen#zen au#zen aus#Medieval Creatorverse AU#Medievil!Zen#Witch!Zen#my art
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Fic: The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste, ch. 15
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Luka Couffaine, Lila Rossi/karma, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/aneurism, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Plagg & Tikki
Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Lila Rossi, Jagged Stone, Plagg, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine, Penny Rolling, Anarka Couffaine, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire, Chloé Bourgeois, Wayhem, Nadja Chamack, Nathalie Sancoeur, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Tikki, Fang, Principal Damocles, Caline Bustier, Ms. Mendeleiev, original minor character, Alec Cataldi, Lila Rossi’s Mother, Sabrina Raincomprix, Roger Raincomprix, Mylène Haprèle, Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste’s Bodyguard, Nino Lahiffe, Nooroo
Tags: Lila Rossi salt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Teenage Rebellion, Swearing, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack Treated Seriously, Lila Rossi’s Lies Are Exposed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Luka Couffaine Needs a Hug, Paparazzi, Parentification, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Gabriel Agreste Needs an Aneurism, Uncle Jagged Stone, we’re all queer here, the spirit of punk is sometimes just being allowed to be yourself, Kagami Finds Her Groove, punk rock fashion, Savage Kagami, Marinette protection squad, Good Parent Sabine Cheng, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Protective Kagami Tsurugi, Protective Luka Couffaine, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pansexual Luka Couffaine, Sharing a Bed, Pet Names, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Instagram, Bullying, Social Media, Anxiety, Makeover, Hugs, will cure your acne, Face Punching, Bad Ass Juleka Couffaine, Rumors, Protective Juleka Couffaine, Protective Adrien Agreste, Lawyers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holding Hands, accountability, mental health, Jagged Stone’s well-paid pet shark, How to Make the Evening News, Sexy eyeliner for days, one fish two fish Lila is a screwed fish, How to have fun and piss Gabriel off, Fuckery, sweet litigious karma, Alya sugar, lawyer shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, Schadenfreude, Bad Ass Alya Césaire, Gaslighting, abuse denormalization, Jagged likes his lawyers like he likes his pets: toothy af, Blood in the Water, Everything you didn’t know you wanted and some things you did, Gabriel Agreste is shark bait, Denial, Consequences, Principal Damocles salt, caline bustier salt, the impotence of Gabriel Agreste, snarky Nooroo, lies and the lying liars who tell them, Lila’s brain is a narcissistic hellscape, Lila’s mind is built like an Escher piece, Alec Cataldi salt, Adrien Sugar, wholesome salt, Fu Salt, Kwami Shenanigans, Nooroo is a little shit
Summary: The Impotence of Gabriel Agreste
Notes: I’ve received some amazing fanart for Rebellion. @redcoloredpanda drew Luka and Adrien snuggling, and @momo-oh-nono drew Marinette’s rocker outfit! So now chapter 17 is writing itself in my head, yay! Thank you for inspiring me!
AO3 link
Chapters 1-2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14
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Gabriel Agreste watched, fingers steepled, as the scene outside the school unfolded. He had, of course, realized quite quickly attempting to counter Adrien’s claims would be a foolish move. True or not, he would look like the villain if he were to try, accused of homophobia and perhaps classism given the way this Luka boy dressed. He had cancelled the story that was to appear, and hopefully nothing would leak.
On the bright side, he had a patsy. Lila was a loose cannon, currently proving so to the entire world, and he could easily claim she had mischaracterized her relationship with his son. She was currently trying to do the same thing, taking advantage of the fact that Adrien had not yet arrived to the mob of reporters.
“He told me he loved me. He told me we would go public, and he used me and then dumped me,” the girl was telling a reporter tearfully.
Gabriel was rather displeased with the implications of that accusation, which could impact the brand.
Fortunately, the reporter was more interested in the limo that had pulled up and deposited… was that the young designer?
The girl nearly fell, but someone rushed forward to embrace her. When the camera focused…
Kagami Tsurugi.
Nathalie shifted beside him, and he could feel through the miraculous that she was as startled as he was.
He could only assume Adrien was also in the limousine; from the “leaked” text messages the previous night and implications on social media, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was an accomplice. But this meant the scion of his business partner, someone he thought would be a good influence on his son, was likely also involved. Her presence was unlikely a coincidence.
Perhaps this was information he could use, but he filed it away for later as none other than Jagged Stone exited the limo next.
Despite the video the night before of the “jam session,” it was unexpected to see the rock star accompanying his son to school.
The announcement came as a surprise, as he didn’t follow the music world terribly closely, and certainly not a ruffian like Stone. Gabriel had been unaware that Marinette had been so prolific, that she had designed anything beyond the bowler hat.
“Please prepare a dossier on Mlle. Dupain-Cheng,” he ordered Nathalie. She immediately began to tap away on her tablet. “And perhaps her parents as well. We should know who we are dealing with.”
Next to leave the limo was Adrien and his… boyfriend. Clearly, the Gorilla had not been able to intercept them as ordered. Though he’d seen the disaster that Adrien had made of his hair in the photos and video the previous night, it still shocked him.
He studied the body language of his son and Luka Couffaine, frowning. They appeared to be close, the other boy looking at him in such a way as to make the “boyfriend” claim believable. For the life of him, Gabriel couldn’t figure out how they could have met—though from the dossier Nathalie had prepared it seemed the boy’s younger sister was in Adrien’s class.
When Mlle. Tsurugi caught Lila’s wrist, he found himself letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. From the angle of the camera he had been uncertain who she intended to hit.
The teens played for the cameras masterfully, and Gabriel couldn’t help but be a little impressed. If this was staged, they had organized a believable PR opportunity on extremely short notice. If they weren’t working against his interests, he’d consider giving them internships at Gabriel.
Beside him, Nathalie let out an involuntary incredulous snort at Lila’s ridiculous accusation of pederasty.
Luka Couffaine gave a remarkably level response, and barely had Lila spoken again than the cameras jostled, moving around in a way that made it difficult to see what was happening, though it sounded like Lila let out a little shriek.
The camera’s focused on a young woman with purple in her dark hair as she yelled, “How dare you talk about my brother that way! You’re not worthy of the bottom of his shoes!”
Rather creative, as far as insults went.
Jagged Stone saw fit to introduce the girl as Luka Couffaine’s younger sister, who had been mentioned on the dossier Nathalie had prepared on the “boyfriend.” And identified their mother as a former bandmate of his.
Gabriel let out a disgusted sigh. Of all the riff-raff Adrien could consort with, he chose someone close to a disaster of a man like Jagged Stone. That certainly explained why the rocker was involved.
Lila’s desperate claims that Luka Couffaine was courting Marinette Dupain-Cheng, though interesting, were quickly refuted.
And then Kagami Tsurugi spoke, a complete falsehood as Gabriel had not been aware of this supposed boyfriend before Adrien took his Instagram account rogue the previous evening. He would have to find out if she was being misled or intentionally lying to damage his image.
He frowned at Mlle. Dupain-Cheng’s allegations of sexual impropriety toward Adrien by Lila, glancing toward Nathalie. “Have HR investigate that.”
The cameras jostled again as Lila childishly threw herself at the girl. When they focused, Lila was on the ground, a woman in a smart business skirt suit looking down at her with a bored look on her face.
Nathalie started typing notes on her tablet as the woman, apparently M. Stone’s lawyer, outlined a list of charges against Lila. Her fingers stopped at Lila’s accusation—which, while twisted, was technically not entirely a lie.
Gabriel narrowed his eyes. He had miscalculated, using this girl. She was far too much a loose cannon, clearly, out only for herself. He had known that, of course, but thought her controllable, someone who would not bite the hand that fed her.
“Have HR fire her immediately. Gabriel social media should put out a statement announcing that, stating an investigation will be made into the sexual assault claims.”
More drama unfolded on the TV, the situation interrupted by the inept principal of the school. Lila’s attempts at getting Mlle. Couffaine in trouble were cut off by the lawyer, who announced further charges based on the defamation and attempted assault against M. Couffaine.
He watched, stewing, as a touching goodbye took place between his son and the other boy, as they exchanged pet names, even.
Truly, if this was a performance, much had gone into it in under 24 hours. It left him uneasy.
The paparazzi continued filming as Mlle. Tsurugi left, as Jagged Stone tried to coax his ridiculous crocodile out of the limo, as Adrien and Luka flirted further, as Lila shrieked and tried to interrupt through what would have likely been violence if not for the snapping crocodile taking offense to her.
Her ire turned to Mlle. Dupain-Cheng, whose large father stepped in front of her as a shield, before she was scolded by the principal and ordered into the school.
Lila’s last attempt to turn matters in her favor, claiming Marinette was a bully, was laughed off by Jagged Stone.
The press swarmed them, calling out questions that were largely inane at best, though the one questioning the relationship between Mlle. Dupain-Cheng and Mlle. Tsurugi caught Gabriel’s attention.
“I think a call to Mme. Tsurugi shortly will be in our best interests, perhaps,” he murmured.
“I’ll add it to your schedule, sir.”
He was impressed when his son shut down the reporters, asserting his right as a minor not to be filmed. The boy had jumped to defend Mlle. Dupain-Cheng from a question regarding the “leaked” text messages, confirming he released them himself.
Ending his association with Lila Rossi was necessary, particularly if she was foolish enough to leave such damning evidence to be released.
The drama moved into the school, where the cameras would not follow, and Gabriel stood.
“You will watch through a butterfly?” Nathalie asked.
He only nodded in response as he moved past.
Gabriel didn’t transform until he was safely in his lair, ignoring the reproachful look from Nooroo. He quickly sent an Akuma out toward the school, letting it hover so he could get a better picture.
What he found was… boring. The group including Adrien and Mlle. Dupain-Cheng were seated outside the principal’s office, waiting on something. The girl herself was half-asleep against her mother.
Movement and anger caught his attention. A woman was stalking across the courtyard, then up the stairs. She marched right to Mme. Bustier’s room and started yelling… in Italian.
He guessed this was Lila Rossi’s mother.
The argument spilled into the open-air hallway, the rage from both of them potent Akuma possibilities—though he preferred not to use the younger Rossi any longer.
The Akuma was noticed, he realized, when shock and horror assailed him from all around. The Akuma dipped lower, drawn by the tumult, only to be captured.
Lila Rossi’s mind was a dungeon of grudges and entitlement, filthy and haughty. It always had been, but the sheer narcissism of her inflated self-import was cloying in a sickening way.
Before he could even begin to speak to her, though, pain assailed his senses, and he was abruptly aware that his connection had been severed. When he had his senses back, he realized his Akuma had been captured in a jar. He didn’t know what had led to that, but the emotions he felt were even more promising than the Rossis’.
The guilt and horror and anger of Alya Césaire was so potent he sent the Akuma beating against the glass to try to reach her, to no avail—it was only as strong as a simple butterfly. He couldn’t Akumatize her, no matter how powerful she would be. He couldn’t send out another Akuma, not with one already out, and Nathalie wasn’t strong enough for another try at Scarlet Hawkmoth, though this was the perfect occasion for it.
Before long, the Akuma was shut in darkness, and was thus useless.
He snarled in frustration, letting his transformation fall. Nooroo only regarded him silently.
Useless.
Only the mundane was left to him—a call to Mme. Tsurugi, after he’d calmed.
It would be hours, the Akuma long since purified by Ladybug, before he’d realize he could have recalled the power and sent out another.
No amount of railing at Nooroo would give him that opportunity back—and the kwami only murmured cheekily, “You didn’t ask” when Gabriel demanded to know why he hadn’t recommended it.
--
Marinette felt her phone buzz on her lap and snuck a peek at it.
Kagami: Are we dating now, too?
She could feel the heat rush to her face. A coughing fit overtook her. She only vaguely aware of what was going on around her, until a cup of water was pushed in her hand and she found herself in the hallway with Adrien.
He looked concerned, so she silently showed him her phone.
Another text had come in, as it turned out.
Kagami: M. Agreste called my mother. She wishes to know the answer to the question from that reporter.
To her surprise, he quirked a cheeky grin, his eyes lighting up. “Oh, you should.”
He was going to be the death of her.
#The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste#kagami tsurugi#miraculous fanfiction#miraculous ladybug#my fanfiction#marinette dupain cheng#gabriel agreste#gabriel agreste is an idiot#gabriel agreste’s a+ parenting#nooroo#nooroo is a little shit#adrien agreste#lila 'the liar' rossi#lila salt#lila rossi#luka couffaine#nathalie sancoeur#lukadrien#juleka couffaine#jagged stone#alya cesaire#miraculous salt#ml salt
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100 episodes of Supergirl. And let me tell you it was a doozy.
Well that was an episode and then some. I haven't had a rewatch yet, so no doubt will pick up on some things once I do, but for now here are more immediate thoughts.
The first thing that struck me - it's now canon that Kara and Lena's destinies are intertwined. Who they become, who they were to who they are, whether or not they survive, hell, even whether or not those around them survive, depends on the other person. No-one else has the same impact in their life. Argue all you want, but that sure as hell is a definition of soulmates to me, platonic or otherwise.
If anyone of you are like me, and old enough to have been Xena fans, let me tell you this is so reminiscent of the “When Fates Collide” episode from season 6, which showed that in any alternate universe, Xena and Gabrielle still find each other. That it always comes back to the two of them. Fast forward some 18 years, and this parallels that message. Fate or destiny, call it what you will, but Lena and Kara's lives are intricately linked. I know a few other SG fans are Xena fans, and we've discussed the similarities between Kara/Lena v Xena/Gabrielle numerous times. This is another for that growing list.
So other than that, here are my immediate takeaways from it all.
Mon-El. Now he is a divisive character, and one I honestly have had a lot of issues with. However, this episode I felt showed the better side of him.
I also watched with widening eyes as Kara went to her ex-boyfriend for no reason other than to ask him about Lena! Seriously telling moment for me. I was also pleased Mon-El made the point that he and Lena both came from abusive childhoods and families. At last, the point of Lena having reacted in part like she has is because of abuse, as mentioned. Only the other day I said I was frustrated how Mon-El was forgiven for his actions because of his upbringing, but Lena wasn't afforded the same. It wasn't much, but it was a start. I will add, abuse or not - Lena still is accountable for her own actions (more on that later), just as Mon-El was.
The other thing. Winn has already said to "Give Lena time." Mon-El mirrored that line. Brainy believes in Lena. All three are from the future. Plus, the whole reason Mon-El can even be there? Because L-Corp develops a cure for the Daxamite lead allergy. Not LexCorp. Not Luthor Corp. L-Corp. Now I know that Supergirl and continuity are really poor at times, but I truly hope this is another nod that LexCorp is defeated, and Lena takes control of L-Corp once again, and she does good things, that lead L-Corp into being the cause for good she has always wanted it to be.
Onto Dark Lena. I'd already said to hubby that I wouldn't be surprised if in one of those timelines they didn't show an evil Lena. After all, we've had Kara gone bad now a few times in various scenarios. We even have had a bad Alex (S1, mind controlled anyone? Hmm. Mind controlled Alex. Oh wonder where we've heard that before? Yep, Alex this season. No idea if that is relevant in future episodes if Alex and Lena actually ever have a damn conversation, but it should be, whereby Alex can tell Lena just how mind controlling anyone, regardless of intent is a huge, bad thing, because of her own experiences with it).
So evil Lena was so good. It was pretty obvious to me, once they said that Lena had been injured, then disappeared and came back 2 years later changed, that Lillian/Cadmus had her. Lo and behold, Lillian had kidnapped her, and Lena version of Metallo was born. Even faced with that, when Kara refused to fight Lena, for that split second you could see the flicker in Lena's facial reaction. That split second moment of doubt. Honestly one of the things that I love so much with Supergirl is that they often have these nuanced moments throughout the seasons. Put those moments in the hands of Melissa and/or Katie and they're elevated to another level.
So only the other day on a different post I wrote this: 'Also, in reference to that S2 episode, (note - also ep 13), as Mxy disappears, he says that all he ever wanted was to have someone to love him, but Kara says that "love can't be forced on anybody; it needs to come on its own."'
Then we get the line in this episode of: “You were right what you said. You can’t force magic. It must be found.” Okayyyy then. Wow. Parallels again.
So talking of nuanced moments, let's talk about that ending. Although, before we delve into that I just want to talk about it a moment before Kara lands on Lena's balcony.
Did Kara actually watch that tape?
I find it strange it was left and I believe it wasn’t left by accident. Why else pick it up, and show that title so clearly? Why have that scene in at all unless it has relevance?
Is that why she decided she needed to take the stance she did?
I personally believe this was why it played out like it has. Kara saw something in that tape to take this route.
So the last scene. Again, watch the nuances of expression on Lena’s face as Kara speaks.
From the shock when Kara says “not this time.” to the way she frowned at the last line. Which isn’t calling Lena a villain by the way. For goodness sake please don't misrepresent exactly what was said. Kara is saying *if* Lena becomes a villain.
But there is far more here for me.
Lena knows Kara's true identity. Kara is trusting her with that knowledge even now, and especially with Lex in the picture. We know from the earlier timelines explored that by Kara openly showing who she is to the World, it causes all those around her to be targeted and killed. That is the trust Kara is showing and Lena almost certainly knows it, even without knowing that timeline alternative, and even if she doesn’t want to admit it yet.
A best friend isn't someone who always agrees with you and tells you that you're right.
A best friend is someone that helps you be the best version you can be, reminding you what your values are and what is important. They hold you accountable when you mess up, and support you when you need help. That is exactly what Kara did. She was telling Lena she would be the for her, but she would also hunt her down if she became a Villain.
We also have to remember numerous times, Lena has stated she is not a Villain. And she isn't. Not yet. She is misguided, making some terrible decisions, but ultimately Lena also stated just ahead of when she jumped off the cliff that 'Supergirl will save me.'
Now Lena knows, Kara will save her. But the boundary lines have been set by Kara (who by the way, I still think could never fight back against Lena. Not fully, because she wouldn't even when Evil Lena was killing her. She saw that flicker in the eyes just as I did).
Kara has firmly placed it all into Lena's court. Lena has to make the decision, to meet Kara half way and that Kara shouldn't have the burden placed entirely on her, and they shoulder it together. To realise her mistakes. We know Lena is craving friendship as much as she denies it. Remember this with Hope in 5.08, The Wrath of Rama Khan, and the nuanced reaction Lena gave there as the reality set in?
L: "You're the only friend I can count on."
H: "But, Ms. Luthor, I'm not your friend. I'm something you created to serve a purpose."
Ouch. That one hurt.
This whole end scene is more powerful and pivotal than perhaps realised.
Overall, I loved the episode. I truly did.
I just wish there wasn't another small break between this and episode 14, which isn't until March 8th. Damn all these breaks so close together! It would be so much nicer to be able to watch them without all these interruptions.
#supergirl#lgbtq#supercorp#chyler leigh#nicole maines#azie tesfai#alex danvers#kelly olsen#nia nal#lena luthor#katie mcgrath#kara danvers#melissa benoist#supergirl100#100 episodes
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Try #2, because the last one had a weird read more problem.
I listened to Last Kiss by Taylor Swift and got a little emo, okay? Hopeful ending, but real angsty on the way. Canon-compliant as much as I know how, because I didn’t watch a single episode of TO.
--
The burn in her lungs was familiar when she woke, every breath painful and heavy, dragging spikes across the insides of her ribs. The room was dark, but she’d lived at the boarding house long enough to know exactly where she was. Her mind was sluggish, her memories fuzzy. The last thing she could recall was tattling about Klaus’s unforgivably stupid plan to Elijah and agreeing on a course of action before heading back to get the girls ready to help out. She’d blacked out as soon as she’d entered the house.
The tiny window peeking out of the only part of the wall above ground was completely dark, and she choked back a sob as she immediately realized what that must have meant. The ritual had most likely been done at this point, though whether the plan carried out was hers or Klaus’s wouldn’t be clear until she escaped, and she had a feeling that she couldn’t shake that things hadn’t turned out the way she wanted.
She had no doubt of who was behind knocking her out and locking her up. Ric could hold a grudge, and he hadn’t danced around the fact that he thought her feelings for Klaus were impacting her judgment. She’d been much more understanding with him than she should have been, and she had no doubt that if Ric had his way, her payment for coddling his hurt feelings would be Klaus’s corpse.
She’d just managed to pull herself to her feet when the door to the basement opened and she saw Ric in the doorway, giving her what she was sure was supposed to be an understanding smile. He’d never quite gotten out of the habit of condescending to her despite her now being in her late thirties--something she suspected had to do with him having been her teacher--but she’d never found it more infuriating than she did at this moment.
“What the hell, Ric?”
She’d come pretty close to killing him multiple times over the last sixteen years, generally for things involving diaper changes or because he’d never seemed to learn how to clean up after himself, and she always had to remind herself that the girls would be upset.
“He’s gone,” Alaric said softly. “Caroline, I’m—“
“You locked me up to stop me from saying goodbye. You do not get to say you’re sorry,” she hissed, her eyes hot as tears gathered at her lashes. “How fucking dare you—“
“He’s clouding your judgment—“
“My judgment?” Caroline asked, her voice starting to become shrill, fingernails digging into her palms. “Seriously? You’re the one who held a stupid grudge for over a decade, Ric! No one had to die for this.”
“The Hollow—“
“Could have been put in something else! Elijah said he would take it.”
“He did, Caroline,” Alaric said, his hands up in a placating gesture, and Caroline felt all the stress bleed out of her.
“So you meant Elijah, then? Klaus isn’t...” she trailed off, the word ‘dead’ not quite able to pass through her lips.
Alaric winced, which was not a good sign, and she felt all of her rage and grief come back. She didn’t love Klaus, but she could, she’d looked forward to trying to, and the loss of that future she’d wanted so desperately after the girls were grown would be devastating. “What happened, Ric? Why did you lock me up? What did you do?”
“I couldn’t pass up this chance to take him out, Caroline. You have to understand—“
“I don’t. Explain.”
“I had the girls do the binding ritual he planned originally.”
“You idiot,” Caroline choked out. “Are you serious?”
“I didn’t kill him,” Alaric said, putting his hands up in a placating gesture that only made her madder. "He was the one who--"
"I know he wanted it, but that was stupid of him. I had a plan, Ric. How could you do this to me? After everything I've done for you. You couldn't let me have this one thing? You couldn't trust me to know what I was doing?"
“Well, Damon—“
“Nope, never mind, you’re done explaining,” Caroline interrupted, her lip curling. Of course Damon was continuing to ruin everything even slightly good in her life. “I’m done, Ric.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m done. I’m taking Hope and the girls and we���re going...I don't know. Away. We're going to figure this...this thing out. And you need to leave us alone."
"I'm not leaving the girls."
"You don't have a choice," Caroline shot back, her eyes fire, her nails drawing blood as they bit into her palms. "I'll compel you if I have to, Ric. I swear to god, I will."
"For Klaus?" he demanded. "You'll take away my kids because I didn't save a crazy mass murderer? He's tried to kill us all, Caroline."
"No, I'm doing this for me," she said, her voice somehow even despite the rage and grief she felt brewing inside of her. "For me and the girls. Hope will want her dad back, and Josie and Lizzie..." she swallowed, looking away, refusing to meet his eyes because if she did she wasn't sure she could keep it together if they made eye contact. "We'll figure something out. You can see them in the summer, maybe. But you need to leave me alone. I'm serious."
"But I--"
"You've done enough. Seriously," she bit out. "Now, let me out before I make you. I need to go."
To Klaus's place. To see if she could find something to bring him back. Anything.
He looked like he wanted to argue, but she was thankful when he didn't, simply stepping aside and letting her go. He probably thought that they'd talk later, when she'd calmed down. It was a familiar pattern to their disagreements, one that always read to her as grossly relationshippy, though she'd tried to convince herself that he thought they were co-parenting platonically even if he looked at her sometimes in a way that made her feel a visceral disgust deep in her gut.
He was lucky that she didn't break his neck on the way out, honestly. After all she'd done for him he repaid her by betraying her like this... She'd always known he was a garbage person, but seriously. It was a new low.
She took a deep, shaky breath, squinting her eyes in the too-bright sunlight, her undead heart thumping against her chest, her entire body quivering from adrenaline. She needed to get in control of this situation somehow, needed a plan. Somehow she could fix this, right? Hopefully Klaus's mansion would provide her with some kind of sign...
-
"You can't go up there, sorry!"
Caroline frowned at the probably-hybrid standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to the second floor of Klaus's New Orleans mansion. It was the last place she had to check after the various hybrids had suspiciously let her snoop through the ground floor. They knew who she was, at least on some level, but they hadn't been all that helpful.
The guard's smile was pleasant, but there was an undercurrent of danger that made Caroline's hackles rise, her gut twisting in a sudden fear that felt foreign to her until she realized why she was suddenly so nervous. The feeling of safety she usually had when interacting with werewolves had evaporated, now. Klaus had been her insurance policy; she'd always known that even if she wouldn't have admitted it. She'd never felt truly unsafe around werewolves, because she knew Klaus would come to give her the cure if it came to that.
And now he was gone.
"Why not?"
"Klaus doesn't let people into his room. Not even the help."
"That doesn't matter anymore," Caroline said quietly, swallowing audibly before she spoke again, slightly impressed that the words didn't catch in her throat, that she managed to choke them out. "He's dead."
The hybrid frowned. "Dead? He's invincible. That's impossible."
"Yeah, well, he found a way," Caroline said, not bothering to conceal her bitterness. That he'd left. Left her.
The hybrid seemed torn for a moment before her lips thinned. "I can't let you up. I'm sorry."
Caroline sighed. "Okay," she said, before reaching out to snap the hybrid's neck and nudging her body out of the way to make her way up the stairs. She found what was clearly his studio and then a bathroom (neither turning up anything helpful) before finally getting the right door. She could tell it was his bedroom from the lingering scent of him, and when she looked around, she couldn't have been less surprised by what it looked like.
She'd been curious (in passing, of course), had wondered about it (casually!) about two or maybe a hundred times over the past almost two decades. All the furniture was dark wood, the closet door slightly ajar with the light still on revealing shelves that appeared to be stocked with stacks of henleys and jeans, a few pairs of boots haphazardly grouped in a clump on the floor, one of his leather jackets tossed carelessly over the back of an armchair that sat by a big bay window.
But nothing useful.
The light felt stifling, suddenly, and she reached to close the blinds, sinking down on the soft, slate grey sheets of his bed. The comforter was still crumpled on the left side, clearly not having been disturbed since Klaus woke that morning. It was weird, being in what was so clearly his space. The bed unmade, little pieces of him strewn around so easily, waiting for him to return. Just like her.
She felt her eyes fill with tears, her nose suddenly feeling a bit tight from congestion, and she pressed her lips tightly together to restrain the sob that welled in her throat. God, she'd been so stupid.
She'd thought that Elijah could make him see that what he was doing was selfish, even as much as he thought it was to protect Hope and the rest of his family. She'd thought that he'd stay for her. That he'd find a way out, the way he had so many times before. He was supposed to be the most powerful being in the world, and he let himself get defeated by some stupid magic trick.
He'd died before he could give her the eternity that he'd promised her. The however long it takes he'd said with such sincerity at that football field so many years ago had been real then, and she knew that, but the crushing reality was that the promise of forever with her hadn't been enough for him to live for, to fight for.
They were immortal, and she thought she had all the time in the world. A part of her had been scared that she'd taken too much, that he wouldn't want her anymore. That had changed in the last few days, the realization that he cared for her as much as he'd promised he would in Mystic Falls.
And then he'd taken it all away. He'd left her.
If she had only known that giving into what she wanted, giving into him, in the forest would be the last kiss she'd ever give him, the last time she'd ever feel his skin against hers, she would have made different choices. He'd offered her his number and told him to call if she wanted to, and god had she wanted to... But she had thought they'd had time. But then with the girls and Ric and her own insecurities, she'd convinced herself that she wasn't ready. She just needed to get settled in a job, just needed to let the girls get a bit older, just needed to get the school a bit more settled... Not yet, not yet, not yet. But soon.
The forest was supposed to be the first kiss. A beginning. The start of an epic love story that lasted forever.
And instead she was sitting on the carpet of his bedroom floor with her spine uncomfortably wedged against the clawed foot of the bedframe with no memory of when she'd sat or how the pillow she was clutching to her chest had ended up in her arms with her faced smushed into it as she cried. But it smelled like him. For now, at least. Even with her stronger senses, that scent would fade, just like the memories she was clutching to with a tight hold that she knew would eventually slip through her fingers, the ghost of a possibility of an epic love that she'd had within her grasp but never quite let herself catch.
It was crushing to realize that what she'd thought was soon had actually been almost. That it was too late.
She sniffled, her eyes squeezed shut, tears soaking into the fabric, her face raw from trying to wipe them away even as she knew it was useless, that they'd just keep coming, and she felt ridiculous for it. She could remember those pretty words from the party his mother had threw before his family splintered, how he'd told her that she was strong and full of light.
If only he could see her now, she thought wryly, crumpled on his bedroom floor and crying her eyes out for a fucking almost. Crying because he'd left her and she was furious at him for doing it, for leaving her to pick up the pieces with nothing more than a sad, dimpled smile and empty promises.
How dare he? How dare he crash into her life with his stupid promises and compliments and reassurances and then just leave her. Wasn't she worth anything to him? He'd done everything he could to show her that she was enough, that she was worth the trouble, and then instead of any kind of follow-through he was just like, 'whoops, Caroline, I know I promised you forever but I guess I'll just give up on you and die instead.'
And she was a blink of an eye to him, anyway, wasn't she? He must have had hundreds of almosts, of potential forevers.
When she thought of what she wanted for her forever, she'd always pictured it being theirs, instead.
Her skin was raw, her vampire powers slowing the recovery of it from her lack of recent meals, too consumed with getting to his house, with finding any kind of clue or idea or possibility that he could still be alive, retrievable, that they still had a chance. Her eyelids felt crusty, her nose stuffed and likely tomato-colored, and she winced when she brushed a thumb against her wet cheek at the scrape of roughness against her skin. She got up on shaky legs and sat down on his bed, flopping down on her back and hugging the pillow close, letting it ground her, still sniffling.
He'd never see that she wasn't a pretty crier.
-
When she woke, she became immediately aware that her cheek felt like it was one giant hive, the burn and itch of it making her teeth sink into her lower lip before she gasped out in pain, tears pricking at the already raw skin around her eyelids.
She heard a soft murmur of an apology from a voice she'd recognize anywhere, and when she opened her eyes, she saw Klaus withdrawing his hand from where it had been on her cheek, his body strangely transluscent, the front of his henley torn open to show a deep wound in his chest that didn't seem to be healing despite the powers he was supposed to have.
"Klaus?" she asked, hardly daring to believe what her eyes were telling her, that he was here, even if he clearly wasn't whole. She wanted to reach for him, to touch him, to feel his skin against her hand and remind herself of how his body had felt against hers, wanted to kiss him and remind herself of what his lips had felt like that day in the woods, the day of their first kiss.
The day of what she'd been denying had been their last one.
He was looking at her with reverence, and she hissed as he reached to touch her again, the burning itch immediately blooming on her skin. He withdrew his hand immediately with a wince, letting it dangle uselessly by his side as he drank her in, scanning her as though to check for injuries, to reassure himself that she was as whole as she wished he was.
When he spoke, his voice was rough, but the familiar rasp of it ignited every inch of her with hope that she could fix what had gone wrong, what he'd so stupidly done in the name of protecting his family. And her.
That this wasn’t the ending to their story that she’d worried it was.
"Hello, love."
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I finally read The Tyrant's Tomb and boi I loved this one so much, so here's some my opinion on it (they're not in chronological order)
warning, this is long af and sorry for cursing a bit, I can't help it
Apollo's character arc is lowkey one of the best Rick has written, I'm sorry if you don't agree, but he's gone from wanting others to solve his problems and relying on the halfbloods to intentionally avoiding others doing things for him, volunteering for the quests and saying it should be him that faces the terrible stuff so that demigods and other creatures don't suffer
something really interesting is how his perception of himself has changed, and it's almost worrying how genuinely self depreciating his inner dialogue is, because he no longer sees himself as mighty Apollo, he sees himself as worthless and useless Lester, and his narration is highkey depressing
Also, Apollo disliking and being somewhat disgusted of the god he used to be, realizing the horrible things he had done and how horrible he was and that he looked worse as the former Apollo than as Lester, regretting things he'd done, that's top tier development
(I'm sorry but I love the entire scene with the ravens, the part where he just screams "I'm sorry" it feels as if he isn't just apologizing to the ravens, but to everyone who's been affected by what he's done as a selfish god)
Reyna so openly turning down and laughing at Apollo for suggesting they be together is my favorite thing ever lmao I couldn't stop laughing, like she knew what gods can do if you turn them down (even if it was just mortal Lester) and she didn't give a damn, it was so fucking funny
people say Rick only includes diversity for the sake of including it and to gain popularity, but I still enjoy the fact that he does, because as a teacher he must have had all kinds of students of all religions, colors and sexualities, he includes diversity because he's seen diversity. anyway my point is I love that we have Lavinia, a Jewish lesbian from a Russian family, and she's not ashamed of being any of them
I'm sorry I just love Apollo so much, I've grown to respect him so much, and even if Hermes once said them gods often forget their oaths and promises, I have a feeling Apollo won't ever forget Jason's request that he never forgets what's it like to be mortal
Frank still admiring Apollo despite everything, and despite the fact that he looks like a messed up teen makes me go all uwu
Frank being portrayed as this clumsy and awkward kid but also this powerful and brave leader is my favorite thing ever because I think Frank is underrated and I dare to say that he's one of the strongest demigods we've ever met, even stronger than some of the nig three children
the whole thing about the undead army is honestly so creepy, especially when we see it from Apollo's perspective cause se him slowly succumb to the venom's effect, and that part in Tarquin's tomb where he "calls Lester to be part of his undead" was genuinely disturbing, at least to me
some books in the past have touched the part of the nature spirits not being given enough attention, but I really enjoyed how Apollo comes to realize that he only worries about demigods and gods when all lives are worth the same - mortals, halfbloods, nature spirits, gods, and even monsters
again, I love Apollo's arc, it's just AHH he's becoming so caring of life it just makes me happy
Reyna choosing herself to make herself happy is everything, and inspiring to every single woman who is told by others that they need someone to be happy, I just love it, because self love is the most important love of all
I haven't said anything about it, but man I love Meg and Apollo's friendship, they just care so much for each other, Meg who's so scared of losing her loved ones and Apollo who's so scared of not being able to be loved or to love, but they still love each other, and I'm glad it's not romantic, because yes fraternal love is also what people need, and their friendship is what they need
aurum and argentum being cute doggos rather than the steely (no pun intended) and cold dogs we met in HoO warms my heart. I don't understand why they're so cute and adorable, or maybe that's just how Apollo sees them, but they seem to act like actual dogs in this book
the fact that Reyna never confirmed nor denied being attracted to Thalia just makes me all hyped up, like we love Theyna
Apollo just gives off Eddie Brock vibes throughout the entire book and that's hilarious asf. ever since the start he's said to look like shit, feel like shit and be injured with deathly poison that will turn him to a zombie. if that isn't Venom vibes I don't know what is
I've said it once and I'll say it again, Frank Zhang is one of the strongest demigods Rick has ever introduced in a series, and him facing two immoral and godly in power emperors, burning one to death with his own life fire and injuring the other enough for Apollo to do the final kill is top tier
"If I'm going to burn, I might as well burn bright. This is for Jason." bitch actual goosebumps
We've seen countless deaths before, but something about Frank killing Caligula and Apollo killing Commodus seems so... mature I guess is the word, or well for a more mature audience. I can't describe how or why, but it feels more real, more like actual human death
I can't deal with how human Apollo seems in this book gosh I really am sorry I keep bringing this up, but I feel such warmth
the story of how Frank overcame his curse is actual BS and as much as I love Frank, it makes no sense that they spent all that time thinking of ways to keep the wood secure only for this. idk I mean id that were the case wouldn't the curse had vanished when he broke Thanatos free? he was willing to die then just like against Caligula, so why now but not then?
Don reincarnating into a laurel is peak bittersweet feeling and it actually hurt because in a camp where fauns were seen as dumb and useless, he helped Lavinia organize everything and destroy the canon things on the yachts
I'm still not over Jason's death, he really did deserve better. It makes sense, plotwise, because out of all of the huge characters from the past, Jason, Percy and Annabeth's deaths would impact others the harder, and push them to do better. And I understand that you gotta show, not even the main characters survive sometimes. Still, I'm hurt.
Thalia talking to Apollo during the funeral for the fallen campers made me actually weep. I'm not sure if it was because of Jason, or when Thalia talked about how much Artemis loves Apollo, or when Apollo "accepted" halfblood children of Zeus as his family
Also, you know who deserved better? Harpocrates, damn right he deserved better. I nearly cried when I read his death, cause he embraced it like one would an old friend in happiness. He and the Sybil deserved better. Dakota also deserved better
On the other hand, I tried so hard not to laugh at 2 am as I read Tarquin demand answers from a cat? he genuinely thought a cat would tell him where the Sybilline Books where and I couldn't handle that
This book is cruel but in a much more human way? The maiming of the pegasi wings? that's horrifying, but in such a human way, unlike what we've seen in any of the greek/roman gods series, and it's unsettling
Meg is braver than any of the other demigods were at that age (maybe excepting Nico), cause she's not embarking on a quest to retrieve an item or rescue someone or bring back their sister from the dead, she's facing her own abusive father while aiding a somewhat weak mortal in releasing the oracles and gaining godhood back. what's she getting from it all? absolutely nothing, she's gifted some seeds and she hangs out with unicorns more than other people and she's lost everything, but she's willing to lose more to help her friend. she's heroic like no one else is, because she's the first who doesn’t want anything more than being with her friend (Percy wanted whoever was taken back, Annabeth wanted to be able to be more, Nico wanted to bring back Bianca, even Bianca wanted freedom). the only other person who didn't have somewhat selfish (but kot wrong) interests while doing something heroic at a young age has been Hazel. What I mean is I love Meg and everything she does
Thalia being that chill over Jason's death bothers me so much, as if she wasn't the happiest when she found out the brother she lost 14 years ago was alive after all, and she had a part of her family back, and it was ripped from her, and Thalia is just not one to easily forget or move on from things, it's just unrealistic that she would only need a little furious session of throwing things to be okay with Jason's death as if her brother was not just taken from her all over again. it's impulsive Thalia we're talking about, who fought Percy when dealing with Annabeth going missing, it's just not her to be over his death that quickly. Sorry for Rick but I think differently
I also kinda don't like that Tyson went from being freaking General of the Cyclops, to the guy that has the Sybilline prophecies or whatever, it's important and all, but he would have been of great help during the battle and they had him waiting for help in the shrine hill like his potential went down the drain
but a thing I really loved was how different Camp Jupiter seems from Lester eyes compared from Percy's or Hazel's or Frank's perspective, it's hilarious. The other three see this place where everyone is serious and shit but Apollo just sees beyond the seriousness and it's actually refreshing, cause he's the first not to make CHB seem immature in comparison and like I said before I hated that in previous books
also Reyna laughing watered my plants, cured my depression, and made the world okay again, I just love her
all in all, this is my favorite book of ToA so far, and I'm really excited to see what's to come, and how Apollo and Meg will face Nero and Python, but more than anything I'm looking forward to what will happen to Apollo, and whether if given the choice, he'd go back to being a selfish god or remain mortal for a while, with his newfound friends
Also I really miss Annabeth so can I please see Annabeth, I just want to see her cause she won't deal with Apollo's shit and I can't wait to see that, I miss my girl
#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians#hoo#heroes of olympus#toa#trials of apollo#apollo#lester papadopoulos#the tyrants tomb#the tyrant's tomb#meg mccaffrey#reyna avila ramirez arellano#the burning maze#jason grace#thalia grace#hazel levesque#frank zhang#lavinia asimov#tyson the cyclops#ella the harpy#new rome#camp jupiter#the tower of nero
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