#and it reminded me of how much i hate when translators don't take context into account when it comes to cursing
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I enjoy the vnc anime but I do not enjoy the eng subs making the anime seem more archaic than it actually is when they are speaking (relatively) modern japanese!!! (they always do this....)
#noe literally calls the faceless one 'sensei' why the hell are the subs changing it to maitre or smt 😭#where are all these random ass french words coming from other than one's specifically spoken LMAO#they rlly went oui oui baguette every five minutes#it just doesn't warrant the use of all the old english....#i think hell's paradise was superbly translated BC they acknowledged that kaku used relatively modern jpn dialogue#anyway mao reblogged a post abt bakugou's speech patterns and cursing in japanese#and it reminded me of how much i hate when translators don't take context into account when it comes to cursing#like sometimes it could just be 'you' (derogatory) or smts it's 'bastard' (im going to fuck you up)#and most of the time you CAN differentiate it!!!#this is like when the jjk subs translated yuji saying damn it into calling nobara a bitch smh#the weeaboo to translator pipeline MUST be stopped. these bitches couldn't comprehend a rock if it slapped them in the face#mta
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REDAMANCY ✦ DR3
“The essence of "redamancy", when loving someone, resides in finding oneself wholeheartedly committed to another person. It involves investing time, effort, and emotions to build a relationship based on trust, empathy, and understanding. Redamancy emphasizes the idea of love in its purest form, where both individuals feel valued, supported, and cherished by one another. In this context, loving someone through redamancy means having an unwavering appreciation and admiration for their unique qualities and accepting them as they are, flaws and all. It entails fostering a deep emotional bond that brings joy, warmth, and fulfillment to both individuals involved. Love, translated through redamancy, is an enriching experience that nourishes and uplifts the lives of those involved, creating a sense of security, happiness, and contentment.”
✦ pairing: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader
✦ type: social media au
✦ fc: becky g
✦ warnings: female!reader, covid-19 & quarantine mentions, age gap, language, slight mention of mature themes.
✦ pit wall live: holi babes! WE'RE OFFICIALLY DONE WITH 2020! 🥳 Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm feeling festive so this is a gift from me to you guys! Thank you for all the love and support 💖 if you haven't already left me one, please consider leaving me a comment to let me know if this whole thing at least makes a bit of sense (I crave validation, guys lmao) and my inbox is always open! I'm super excited for you to get to know Girlie a little bit better! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I sure did enjoy making those edits, don't they look so fucking cuteeeeee??? 😩💕
p.s.: keep an eye out for a name that could be important in the future 👀
─── The Joker & The Queen (Masterlist)
SEPTEMBER 9, 2020
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SEPTEMBER 13, 2020
f1gossipofficial
♡ 2,345 likes
f1gossipofficial NEW WAG ALERT 🚨 After months of speculations, we can finally see them together! Daniel and Y/N arrived at the paddock for the Tuscan GP today and it's fair to say, she knows how to make an entrance 🔥 It's the first time Ricciardo introduces a WAG to the paddock 🥰
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user she's wearing heels and he's still a head taller than her 🥺 THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS TOO FUCKING CUTE 😭❤️
user she's just a smol 🤏🏻 cinnamon roll ❤️
user2 🐍🐍🐍🐍
user3 what the fuck is she wearing? 😂 she needs to hire a stylist because she looks like a fucking clown. This reflects badly on Daniel 🤮
user she's serving Y2K style 🔥🔥🔥 also why tf would it reflect badly on him the way she dresses??? 🙄 I think she looks gorgeous!
user4 They have been together since January, but the picture of them walking next to each other is like they don't even know each other 😂
user5 can't believe Daniel hasn't dump her unfaithful ass yet 🙄 she must be really good at the things that she does on the mattress 🤮
user the only thing she's probably worth for, he might as well take advantage of it Imao
user6 The amount of hate this girl receives when all she does is just appear, no one knows her personally but ends up throwing opinions based on her looks and a couple of tabloids. Lol. Fangirls are crazy! 😂
user7 noone does it like her 😘
user8 lol he deserves so much better 🤢🐍
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OCTOBER 6, 2020
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OCTOBER 11, 2020
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yourinstagram
♡ liked by rubendias, iamcardib, danielricciardo and 8,452,325 others
yourinstagram When your birthday gift includes a podium finish you know it's gonna be an unforgettable experience! 🤩 Every year I grow I'm reminded of how precious this life is, thank you all for helping me fill it up with so much love. Your kind words and constant support means everything to me. Thank you so so so much 💕
Don't say it, don't say it, OKAY I'm saying it: I'M FEELING 22!! 😘
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salmahayek Happy birthday hermosa ❤️
danielricciardo Who needs a four-leaf clover when I've got you by my side? Just call me Danny Ricc, the luckiest bloke around! 😎
taylorswift Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22! 🥳 Happy happy birthday my angel! There was happiness because of you 🥰
user stop acting all innocent we all know you are a fucking slut
userA yourinstagram we can tell by all the guys you let into your bed 👀
florencepugh Happy birthday to a special soul ❤️
fioamato Happiest 22nd year babe! Wish we could be together to celebrate. Te amo un mundo ❤️
sofiareyes Feliz vida reinotaaaa! 🥳🥰
user2 sos una gran ridícula 🐍
user3 stop shoving it in our faces every 5 minutes jesus christ, we already know the only way you can stay relevant is fucking your way through talented people
reesewhiterspoon Happy birthday to my favorite resident loud persona!
jvn Happiest birthday babe! Becoming friends with you has shown me a strength & kindness that is v rare. You're brave, smart AF, and the talent is next level & quite literally iconic. Grateful to know you & call you a frand!! Love you to pieces Queen! xx
llane Feliz cumpleaños hermanita 🎂 te deseo muchas bendiciones! ❤️
lilymhe as a wise woman once said: It seems like one of those nights, we ditched the whole scene and end up dreaming, instead of sleeping 💘✨
user4 Oh I didn't know it was international snakes day 🐍😂
lewishamilton happy birthday sis 💜 hope you had lots of fun x
instagram birthdays and F1 races make a winning combo
user5 I hope you are aware you're just a bed-warmer until he finds something better 😂
user6 Those who are throwing her hate, is everything okay at home? You must all be excellent people and role models 😂
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NOVEMBER 01, 2020
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NOVEMBER 16, 2020
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DECEMBER 25, 2020
danielricciardo
📍Los Angeles, California
♡ liked by yourinstagram, natalie_pinkham, pierregasly and 5,242 others
danielricciardo Merry christmas to all, ya filthy animals! From me and my snuggle buddy 🎄 We've been good... mostly! 😝
Tagged: yourinstagram, corey_wilson, lukerockhold
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yourinstagram Merry Christmas from our reindeer crew! ❤️🎄
danielricciardo Santa's got it easy this year, because I've already found the perfect gift 😘
natalie_pinkham Cuties ❤️ Merry christmas guys! Sending you all the love ❤️🎄
user THEY LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD UGHH 😍
user1 she's gonna be his downfall 🤢
f1 Merry Christmas to our favorite honey badger 🦨🍯❤️
user2 please Daniel check your eyesight 😭 I mean what did you even see in Y/N
kristenanniebell Merry christmas, guys! Sending lots of love from ours to yours ❤️
user3 La pareja más bonita 😍😍 Merry christmas to us with that first photo
scottyjames31 this got me cheesing hard... I'm a bit worried for Santa if those are his reindeers though 😳
user4 Daniel!! RUN!! Don't get too close to her... she's fucking poison!! Everything she touches rots away 🐍🐍🐍
user5 MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!! Santa should be delivering my adoption papers to you any moment now ❤️🙈
fabioquartararo20 Merry christmas brother! 🥂❤️
user6 who else lives through celebrities holiday posts? Buon Natale, Daniel and Y/N 💚
user7 dude, based on the recent news lately popping up on my feed (that I did not even care to know about), I hope you get yourself to an std clinic to get tested. I see you are in your russian roulet phase- no judgement. sincerely, I wish you the best
user8 this comment section reeks of jealousy it does not pass the vibe check at. all. 😤😤😤 it's fucking christmas guys, what the fuck is wrong with y'all leave them the fuck alone!
user9 they are so many wonderful and interesting people in the world, but you chose Y/N... disappointing. You could sincerely do so much better
user10 Love it or hate it, they are living their best life. Haters can keep commenting, but they're just a bunch of jealous basic bitches lmao ANYWAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS! Keep being fucking iconic! ❤️
user11 To all the haters out there, keep commenting. Love knows no bounds and Daniel deserves exactly who he's chosen 😘
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DECEMBER 31, 2020
yourinstagram
♡ liked by lilymhe, rubendias, greeicy and 10,652,485 others
yourinstagram Moving towards 2021 with a better mindset. Keep practicing kindness every day, guys! 💖🤗🤭
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itsvittoriasousa Queen of positivity 💁🏻♀️💗😘
user lmao omg love this video 🤭 such good vibes
blakelively ❤️❤️❤️
zendaya the vibes are immaculate 💅🏻
lali Y QUE SE CALLE EL DECORADO 😝 Te adoro nena ❤️
user1 No me canso de verlo 😂
iamdannaschwarz A lot of palo santo to cleanse, purify and remove all negativity 🪔🧿😌🤍
user2 Por qué tan hermosaaaaaa 😍😍😍
user3 It's the palo santo and the big echeveria for me lol
user4 Love your attitude
karolg Positively divinaaa! Toda una BICHOTA 💁🏻♀️💗
user5 Keep it up, Queen!! Let your light blind all those negative nellies 😌 You're shinning brighter than the sun ☀✨
user6 you can't tell me her and Dan are not meant to be 😂 I bet they are so much fun to be around 🤭
─── Please don't forget to reblog and comment! ♡
#daniel riccardo x reader#daniel riccardo imagine#daniel ricciardo x you#daniel ricciardo instagram au#daniel ricciardo social media au#f1 social media au#latina!reader#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 instagram au#daniel ricciardo x female reader#( agentstarkid's works )
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5 Songs Tag - QL Shows Edition
Created by @troubled-mind (see the original chart-like list and the first 5 QL Song Tag entry). The rules:
When you get this, list 5 songs from Asian QL shows that you actually listen to.
🎶They do not have to be custom-made for the series.
🎶Non-western tracks only. Let's support Asian music and languages!
🎶Feel free to tag anyone who may be interested in participating.
🎶Add #5qls tag to your post for others to find the new favourites!
Note: I'm going to play by the original rules that the show had to introduce you to the song, because otherwise I would not be able to narrow this down. Also, to everyone who already went so that I could narrow down my list, you're all doing God's work and have great taste (esp. to @lurkingshan, all five of her songs were on my shortlist; @bengiyo for his selections from About Youth, Like in the Movies, and Gameboys 2 (all five were excellent songs but those three were on my shortlist; and @absolutebl's top 10 OSTs listing songs from Wish You and To My Star which helped me let go of including them too!). I went with one song per country to help me choose, and it was a very fun agony. Here we go!
Silly Fools - วัดใจ [wad jai / measure your willingness (i.e. test your heart)] (Theory of Love; Thailand, YouTube)
youtube
I debated on the Thai song for so long but this is the song that started my obsession with Thai rock; Khai and Third rock out to this in the car as a moment of nostalgia for them and I sat up and took notice because it reminded me of 90s alt rock from my own youth; that scene is such a perfect encapsulation of what that felt like and it tied that feeling to this song for me. And the lyrics are also great as a hype song; they're all about how the singer isn't going to give up in the face of any obstacle or hate. Every time I hear it I think about sitting in the car yelling with my friends (even though we did that to Alanis Morisette and not Thai rock music, the feeling is universal). Even though I'd been watching Thai shows for a couple of years by that point, and had some OSTs on my playlist, this song inspired me to branch out into finding more Thai music and it's now been the genre I listen to the most for the past few years.
Đỗ Hoàng Dương, Cody - Không Yêu Cũng Chẳng Cô Đơn [Neither Love Nor Loneliness] (You Are Ma Boy, Vietnam, YouTube)
youtube
These two are musicians first and actors second, which is probably why the OST is so good. Cody is part of Uni5, and Đỗ Hoàng Dương is a solo artist. Large reason why this is on here is because I like Cody's rap so much. The lyrics are translated in this video so I don't need to paraphrase, but essentially they're about how love in youth is a lot of feelings, so let's just be together and love one another.
Shania Ann Bajen - Once You're Mine (Filippines, Win Jaime's Heart, YouTube)
youtube
Taking advantage of the change in rules from the original post to post a song in English because it's my favourite by this artist. Shania Ann's voice is mesmerizing, when this song appeared in the show I went searching for it and was so happy when they finally posted it to Spotify. This is what she said about her song:
This song is my original composition. 💕 It's about our loved ones, whether it'd be family, friends, or significant other, that we lost in our journey but never failed in making us feel loved and accepted despite our imperfections 🥺 Hope you all like it!
周予天 / Alex Chou - 分手放手 [Fengshou fangshou / Hard to Let Go] (We Best Love: No. 1 for You, Taiwan, WeTV)
youtube
The lyrics to this one are so painful in the context of the end of season 1 and the time-skip. They're translated in the video above, but essentially it's about breaking up and letting go when you don't actually want to. I really went back and forth with this one and Ray / 黃霆睿 - 我們 [Wo men / Us] from the Miracle book trailer, hilariously both for Lin Pei You vehicles, but finally decided that this song just hits harder (you didn't notice me sneaking a second rec in there nope).
センチミリメンタル / Centimillimental - 冬のはなし [Fuyu no Hanashi / Winter Story] (Given (anime), Japan, WeTV / CrunchyRoll)
youtube
This is either a really obvious answer or a polarizing answer depending on how you felt about the Given adapatation, but IDC it's on my list because I love Centimillimental and can't listen to it without getting shivers. I saw this anime and burst into tears the first time I heard the bridge. I used the official version for each of these links so that creators get views, but I have to also shout out my favourite version of this song, with Centimillimental (the guy who wrote the whole soundtrack for the anime and the movie) and Shogo Yano (who voiced Mafuyu in the anime) performing together. If you haven't seen the show, the lyrics are about having a love one torn away from you and struggling to let yourself move on. I had a hard time between this and the main song from the movie (僕らだけの主題歌 [bokura dake no shudaika / Our Theme Song]) but this is the one that hits me hardest.
BONUS(es) (don't judge me):
樹林座 [Shulinzuo / Grove ] - 水火 [Shui Huo / Fire and Water] (The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, China, YouTube)
youtube
This song was as far as I can tell written for the series and it punches me in the gut every time. I don't know what it is about this song? It has me in a chokehold. It's basically about fighting for justice against an unjust world and how it's possible even if it seems to not be. It's also just a banger. Something about the irony of them using a very modern-sounding song for a historical drama tickles me (electronic rhythm sounds? electric guitar? For 15th century China? Love it). Put in the bonus round because the show is censored bromance.
Spencer Geronimo - Magkaibang Mundo [Different worlds] (Lakan, Filippines, YouTube)
youtube
Rest in Peace to the actor Kennedy Nakar who costarred in Lakan and who just died (on July 25, 2023) of Leukemia; He was 24. Kennedy and his partner Paul Cervantes were an out gay couple and starred in this series together, and were supposed to also star in Turbulence. This song is all about fighting for a love that people think is wrong, against the odds, and wondering how long you'll have to fight and wait to be together. In that context, it becomes even more heartbreaking. Since this song was in my favourites, I could not skip the chance to give their work some love.
Tagging @callipigio @pandasmagorica @formayhem @dribs-and-drabbles @redxblueihateloveyou no pressure but if y'all feel like it!
#5qls#tag game#theory of love#you are ma boy#win jaime's heart#we best love#given anime#the sleuth of ming dynasty#lakan
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Hello, storm, are you ali right? I hope so, because I've just read the last part of "Pushed to the Edge" and I've been staring at the wall since I finished reading it.
As a good lover of angst, I have to say that this ending broke my heart into pieces. And I don't even know where to start, but here we go!
I don't know what I felt when I got to the part where Azriel was listening to the inner circle being tortured and he was trying to reach them and couldn't. My heart ached the moment I read it. My heart ached the moment Nesta and Cassian screamed for each other, Feyre and Rhys. But I remembered all the moments when the reader begged to be heard, and was ignored and dismissed as nothing. As for Elain, I confess I thought she'd been killed, not that she was still alive, and nothing compares to my surprise at the moment she was stabbed, but again, here I am without reaction (rumor has it she looked like the Cheshire cat smiling). Could I feel sorry? Yes, but I remember her lying about her powers and as Eris said: what for? To win Azriel's affection and be seen, while Y/n was left in corners and erased like an unwanted stain on a sofa? But I'm not going to put all the blame on her, because even though she was a big idiot and a jerk, the whole Inner Circle had a hand in breaking our beloved reader (especially Az). And Azriel? Being tortured and used to help destroy Prythian was so I can't find words, because it will weigh heavily on him and how he failed as a companion and protector. And I confess I felt my soul weep when he saw her die for the second time, even though the first wasn't in his arms, and the second was the final one and it was in his arms😭 I didn't cry so much for his loss, but for her decision to die, but I can't see a place where she would live with her actions, even under the darkness. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to cry a lot when he saw that she was dying, my foolish heart can't take something like that, even though I know he deserved it and I reinforce what Kosechi said "You all never deserved it…"
Don't touch me! My Roman empire was thinking about Helion after the end, because even though he didn't appear, I kept thinking about how he felt about everything the reader was doing. I confess that one of my biggest fears was having to read about him here, since my heart couldn't bear to see him destroyed watching Y/n, but my imagination chased me and I just wanted to hug and comfort him😭
Thank you, Storm (that suits you as you brought a storm to me, causing my little boat to be shipwrecked) for giving us something as distressing as this story💖 it will have a place in my heart.
Note: maybe some words don't come out in the context I meant, because my English is a translator💀😭
@favsrachz
Hahaha!! I am doing great! I am super excited about people's reaction to the final part of "Pushed to the Edge"! And it looks like people are enjoying the twists and turns of the last part!
I so much enjoy reading your reaction to this last part, my dear!! It is a rollercoaster of emotions -- I really wanted to play with that. Reader getting her revenge against the IC, against Prythian, against Azriel. I wanted to have reader get her just dues with torturing the IC, letting them hear each other's agony and pain, when they couldn't do the same for her. That is their torture -- to be reminded of what they couldn't do for her.
And no! Haha! Elain didn't die (unfortunately). Reader wouldn't let her get away with it so easily with death . She wanted her to live and regret and have her family hate and dislike her for the rest of her eternal life.
And Azriel, being tortured and used was a small touched. Many people said that it would be interesting to see how far the inner circle would do to get her back, to show their devotion, to show their regret-- and Azriel's part shows that. He would do anything for her at that point.
And your right, reader wouldnt be able to live with herself knowing that she was a part of Prythian's destruction. You'll find out more of readers thoughts and insight and decision of all that in the epilogue
And Helion! My dear Day High Lord! I am and will write about that in the epilogue! The aftermath of this part will be written in the epilogue! Please do look forward to it!
And no! You are fine! I understood what you were trying to express and I have to tell you thank you so much for your support for this series!
And Storm is such a cute author nickname! Thank you ❤️❤️
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hey who the fuck is that guy and where is FeMC
(i think there is actually a mod to swap FeMC in and I might install that)
ALSO
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHEN YOU SLEEP ON THE COT IN THE VELVET ROOM
WHO'S FUCKING VOICE IS THAT
anyway
oh man ryuji does it? i guess we should split up and start searching
SO INTERESTINGLY you cannot finish a Palace in a single day because the Treasure will not manifest until you inform the target you are coming after their treasure. Then it takes true form and you can yoink it.
So the motley crue need to send Kamoshida a calling card to inform him they're gonna gank him.
oh okay that's pretty neat that it shows you all you accomplished
oh my god this menu
another thing that should have been translated
Ryuji writes the card and everyone gives him shit for it. I think it's fine, personally. he's a teenager, what do you expect. also I'm glad the newspaper clippings of characters to make a letter is a universal thing lmao.
oh my god the fucking throne room has a boob ceiling. i don't mean to kinkshame and i think everyone's sexuality is their own but once you get to boobs jutting out of the ceiling in your mind palace, maybe you're thinking about sex a lil too much. just a thought.
FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT THEY'D HAVE TO PHYSICALLY CARRY THE HUGE CROWN BACK TO THE SAFE ROOM that'd be funny imo
alas no it's boss time
This is an Adachi-ass argument right here and I like it. The way he turns everyone who was complicit into the Real Villain, that's good stuff.
bruh you gonna turn me sex negative, what are you doing
Oh man I missed grabbing context for this but there was a secret room in the Palace with a fucked up torture shrine to Shiho. so like Princess Ann is Kamoshida's right hand girl, but he had like.... feelings? for shiho? which I guess manifested as her getting the worst of his abuse.
So her cognitive copy shows up to help him and it's supremely messed up and i hate this guy.
Ann faces off with him and has a golden opportunity to kill him, but refrains so he'll confess to his crimes. Which: gorl. Damn. You are strong as hell, I am not certain I would be able to do the same in your shoes. Ann is great.
Taking the treasure, the team gets the fuck out of there but WEIRD THING HAPPENS on the way out.
While the Palace collapses, everyone runs for it, but Morgana turns back into a cat????
HMM
Morgana only kind of knows how the Metaverse works frankly
and it so reminds me of Teddie, who understood for himself how the TV World worked, but didn't really know enough to figure out the broader picture of the real world and TV world interacting.
Morgana is convinced that they're a human and if they do the right thing in the Metaverse, they will regain their lost body and memories.
I am starting to think that's not the case and this is similar to how Teddie grew a humanboy body when he wanted to join the real world. Is Morgana a denizen of the Metaverse who subconsciously decided to grow a cat body to interact with Reverie and co?
Rise and Teddie made it clear there is no such thing as a true self, so I am curious what Morgana determines themself to be.
ANYWAY THAT'S THE FIRST PALACE DONE, WHOO. Now I have, like, 12 days to fuck around and do what I like.
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
ty for the tag @tracingpatternswrites 💕 this was a lot of fun
1. How many works do you have on ao3?
76
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?
786,190 (400k of which was in 2022? what a year)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
star wars (original trilogy + the mandalorian mostly), hp (marauders) and good omens. I have some glee fics from ~2013 but we don't talk about those
4. What are your top five fics by kudoss?
A grave mistake my most beloved <3
red lips and rosy cheeks
right back where we started from
brush the sky (wild considering it's for such a rare pair but i did start writing it 10 years ago)
help me hold onto you (i had no idea this had got so popular! i love this fic so much i'm so pleased)
5. Do you respond to comments?
i am absolutely horrendous at responding to comments. my ao3 inbox is at 544 unread i'm so sorry
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
oh hands down never doubt that it was real which was full of all my tragic comphet feelings before i realised i could just fix canon instead
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
hmm well excluding fluffy oneshots it would probably be red lips and rosy cheeks which is tooth rottingly sweet
8. Do you get hate on fics?
i got a LOT of angry comments on a grave mistake. there were people who were really really mad bc they took one character's side or were outraged at infidelity which was wild to me because that is literally what the fic is about it says right there in the summary + tags. i also had someone get angry at me for using the tag comphet for an m/m fic because it was originally a term coined for lesbians. people were wild on that fic
i've also got a couple of really vicious comments/anons about me'usharim bc it's set in israel. truly, the audacity to write a jewish story set in a jewish country
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
i've written most kinds of smut in terms of gender/emotional context/relationship dynamic, but i've never done anything kink-related and probably never will
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
no i do not but i have a tenth or fourteenth doctor/good omens au circulating in my mind at all times
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
word for word? no
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
no but i'd love if someone did! i'm very slowly working on translating charm work into french honestly bc i wanted to see if i could
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
yes! it's so much fun! i wrote architects anonymous with @sliebman10 as part of the hp 2022 mixed up writers fest where we took it in turns to write a chapter without planning the plot together. then @impishtubist and i thought it would be fun to bring our own chaos to that idea and figures of delight (drawn after you) was born
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
hanleia <3
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
what's life without a little risk which i want to finish soo much but i have no idea where i'm going with it. my writing style has changed so much, my characterisation of remus is fundamentally different, and i've written so much of what would happen next in other stories. i kinda just want to find a way to wrap it up at this point
16. What are your writing strengths?
hmmm... I think realism in terms of depicting emotions and relationships. I've been told I'm really good at writing intense smut which isn't something I ever thought would be a strength 😂 but I'll take it. also making story settings really immersive, especially when the setting is central to the plot like red lips and rosy cheeks or right back where we started from. i have a lot of fun with that
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
slipping into gratuitously flowery language or emotional intensity. a grave mistake was soooo intense and it really changed my writing style so now i have to constantly remind myself that sometimes i need to chill tf out
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
i do this all the time! red lips and rosy cheeks had french, italian, hebrew and arabic and it was soooo much fun. i also write quite a of mando'a into mandalorian fics. i think it adds a lot to the story and i love reading fics with multiple languages dropped in
19. First fandom you wrote for?
doctor who (which is not on ao3 thank god)
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
a grave mistake and it always will be ❤️
no pressure tags for @strugglequill @lynxindisguise @squintclover @kleyamarki 😘
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ch 10 liveblog
just the quick reactions i have while reading the chapter! updated as i go. i'm making a separate post for translation-related things, but that'll be posted when i finish the whole chapter
so for artem/mc interactions, he feels normally protective and careful of her but the awkwardness is still there he doesn't know if she's mad at him TT (immediately blocking her from view in the car!! and realizing now that he was so shocked because things were awkward between them!!!) also i'm gonna note his reasons for taking the case as close enough to the post-ch9 predictions
hmm artem's acting being SHIT in this chapter. clearly he can act when he wants to, so i'm interpreting this as him thinking the prankster is such a clown that he can half-ass this performance xDD
vyn on leave of absence w/o informing us... they really ARE functioning separately omg
also this guy thinking he has leverage over them with vyn. LMAO. i'm starting to see why vyn was so cruel with him in that screenshot
so bold of this to be in an artem-focused chapter. they knew what they were doing
wHAT????
oh ok he had me in the first half i'm not gonna lie
wait hang on this actually reminds me of artem personal story ch 1... maybe this whole separation charade thing is also to help develop mc's independence...? much to think about...
rhino horn spotted on the workbench in the investigation section! which reminds me, i should add a thing about that in the translation post for some added cultural/language context that non-chn speakers probably wouldn't catch
just screenshotting this since it feels important, as part of artem's philosophy of the role of a lawyer
omg the person who scratched marius is coming back as a plot point. also MARIUS <333
screenshotting the marius convo to think about later. is his other purpose for investigation luke and/or artem since they also got talismans? but i don't think he would know that, or at least he should be pretending he doesn't know in order to feign distance
omg that's another entry for the ch 10 translation post. why does marius keep getting shafted by the eng translation TT he keeps ending up harsher and more CEO-like (but the jp dub makes him sound softer so maybe it evens out? lmao)
the contrast of his appropriate distance at the detention center vs his insistent closeness when they seek out jonah zahn... add that to the theme of closing the distance from the first year of cards... nice nice very nice
a follow-up to his encouragement from ch 9 that mc could handle this?
also another patient of vyn's (or someone who sought treatment at his research center at least) who met a tragic end....
FELICIA LUO YOU ARE SUCH A GIRLBOSS FOR THIS
oh nooo )): jerome is like 100% framing felicia securely for this case. kind of ironic because he told her to go through all the trouble of making a show out of it to ensure justice for her husband, but then he went through so many hoops to frame her instead... also tot is kinda interesting in just how much public opinion affects how the cases play out. here felicia was told having the "curse" cause a stir was the only way to catch the true culprit, but another common thing in stories is the harassment that rosa and artem face as attorneys for high-profile cases... another thing to think about. court of public opinion and whatnot
ok hate to admit it but... AI voice kinda slayed that line. ladkfjadsfj vyn i'm so obsessed w you when you're on a warpath
oh u know that vyn secretly loves having rosa threaten him like this
this is what vyn haters THINK he's like. I FUCKING WISH
anyway. CONTINUED evidence of putting on a hostile performance. just wondering when we can get some answers
uhhhh so CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT bryan wing has connections to a secret auction where selling humans isn't off the table?? oh things are getting dark
i have no words...... first of all, writers turning THIS into a comedy moment with the clown bgm.... "capiche".....
LOL
i think another interpretation of artem's acting is that he's particularly good when it comes to being aggressive/arrogant/A. i like to believe all interpretations especially overly specific ones
vyn what the hell are you involved in that you have sway over something like this
OH WAIT??
PFFFFFTTTTT NO WAY ARE THEY USING THE CLASSROOM BACKGROUND FOR THE AUCTION 🤣🤣🤣 I CAN'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY LIKE THIS VYN IS JUST ABOUT TO GO UP AND EXPLAIN THE PRIMACY EFFECT
ugghhh okay it's really getting good now but gotta sleep :// also might be translating some parts of vyn and ogier's convo (10-19) bc there are slight paraphrasings that i'd like to keep the original implications of
oh i was actually thinking about this during the scene... i'm sorry vyn i have failed u....
this entire scene feels very significant... another thing to go back and chew over...
the way i instinctively yelled "NO! >:(" at the screen
ROSA WHAT THE HELL KIND OF IDEA i know we readers have semi-omniscient pov but oh my god
nah there's still gotta be something with this report. maybe jerome lied. we can't just rule it out like this
ok so the black market drugs are still more like medicinal with severe side effects including hallucinations, while the traces on the cup had acute poisoning levels of NXX (just taking notes)
LUKE'S THROWING IT AWAY?? NOT EVEN KEEPING IT FOR EVIDENCE OR RECORDS OR WHATEVER?? AND DID YOU ALREADY TAKE THE MEDICINE?? (i feel like it's a psych-out but still??)
长命百岁。。。。。
oh hell yeah an entry for the translation post
hmmmm ok jerome is REALLY getting the potential-redemption/sympathy edit?? idk just this continued gentleness that they keep showing from him. i feel like it's going beyond the level of just "this villain is emotionally intelligent enough to garner allies and manipulate others"
VYN!!!!!!!1
god he's so insufferable (affectionate)
wait so vyn has talked to brigid too? ok so basically confirming that he's doing the aforementioned psychotherapy
wow vyn is really just the only therapist in stellis or sth
OH SHIT???????? HERE WE GOOOOOOOO
lasdljfks;alsdjf okay what a chapter. lots to think about and i need to process it. honestly i'm kinda tempted to just go directly into reading ch 11 since i can xDD
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Any thoughts on Prince Harry's Spare?
Not completely done with it!
Immediate thoughts:
--Lol I feel really bad for his ghostwriter that so many translated-from-Spanish excerpts were leaked, because the prose is legit good.
--People are making a big deal out of a celebrity memoir oversharing when a) this is the point of a memoir and b) they don't have to engage with it if they don't want. And honestly? This is a pretty intimate memoir (more so than I initially expected) but it's nothing crazy on that front. I've read more revealing.
--If I'm being super real, I'm kind of reading to read it and then I'll fully process what it makes me think of him AFTER because I don't know how else to read a memoir, but.... I don't know, the picture he paints of himself is PRETTY MUCH how I expected him to be.
--He's obviously got a huge Oedipal Complex, but I think that he is aware of it and that also is literally ... impossible to avoid, and not necessarily a bad thing. Hard for a partner to put up with (and I hate to say this, but harder for a partner to put up with when the mother is alive and around to interfere in your relationship) but the thing is that if his account is to be believed, Meghan does remind him a lot of his mom. She seems to be a good match for him on that front, so it's like. Cool? It works? I don't know, it's wild to see people take things like the "I had a frostbitten dick and people told me to use Elizabeth Arden cream on it and that reminded me of how my mom used that on her lips" out of context going "OMG SO WEIRD" because he immediately says "OMG SO WEIRD" lol like... He knows this.... I don't know how normal you expected this man to be...
--I think he's a lot fairer to William and Charles than people give him credit for. Not fair! He's naturally an unreliable narrator. None of us can be fair to those we're very close to. You either protect them or rake them over the coals. I wouldn't say he totally rakes them over the coals. I think there are things he's withholding about them for both self-serving purposes, and protective purposes. But he clearly loves them (especially Charles) and knows they love him, but also deeply resents them because of things they can't help and things they can. It's very classic familial shit.
--The picture he paints of Prince Charles is of a classic distant father who cannot deal with expressing affection the way his kids desperately need him to, who prioritizes his own happiness over that of his children. Standard issue. He doesn't really connect the dots with how a lot of that is because Elizabeth and Philip were rotten parents themselves, but he skirts close to it.
--The picture he paints of William is of a guy who resents Harry because he has supposed freedoms William doesn't get, while Harry resents William for being pompous about being #1, favored by the family and the press, and distant as an older brother. The book really dismantles the perception (which I shared at one point) that they were super close. Like, they were and they weren't. They were trauma bonded over their mother's death (and I'll note that Harry NEVER takes away from how much William loves their mom, at least at the point I'm at, that is very clear) but they were raised in rivalry and it's clear that they are naturally *very* different guys.
--He really loved Kate as a sister. The affection he had for her shines through, though she isn't discussed a TON. It makes me wonder about his animosity towards William and what that could further be connected to.
--He's an army guy through and through. That is not just clear in the way he discusses the army, but the way he discusses life. If you've known the Average Army Guy (and I'm talking not the big time politically army guys, of which I.... have met relatively few, personally, but the guys who see it as a job and culture and family, who often have distant family lives and seek a purpose) Harry will be very familiar to you in just... the way he talks about EVERYTHING.
--I'm not gonna give my view on the way he discusses killing people in the army just yet, because.... I think that's a very complicated topic and I need to reread that part and really think about it. I will say, I think the uproar over it being "revealed" in this book is super! Fake! Because a) if you googled what Harry was doing in the army, where. he was doing it, it would be highly unlikely for him to not have been indirectly or directly killing people, and we've known that for years b) he literally said he killed people to a reporter years ago, so. That doesn't make the act any better or worse, or his view on it, but this is not bRAND NEW INFORMATION, and I can tell you that there is much more context on his thoughts in the memoir... Which is is why... if you care that much.... you should probably read more than a few sentences before giving an opinion lol.
--Whoever taught Harry about unconscious bias needs to dial that back because while that is a thing and it is a thing he and his family deal with, it is not the explanation behind *everything*. I believe that he wants to Do Better. I think he has a lot more work to do, and his discussions of race and his racism in this book are not fully formed. I believe that on some level he wants to take full responsibility, but on another level he is very afraid of doing so. And I get that. If he is out there like "damn, I was so racist", his family will absolutely use that against him. And I also think that Harry is still grappling with how people can both be racist and also be super against racism, tbh, and how to discuss that. I mean, most people don't know how to discuss it properly, to be real. I'm not surprised that a guy who is not even the top priority in a family where a fifth grade education is CRUSHIN' IT is not discussing this properly. But like. He still needs to work more if he wants to discuss it.
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Wicked the Musical- Glinda character post
Once again always interpreting everything this woman says and does as a negative. Sigh. Nothing she says or does is ever right bc some people want to hate on her for being Alex Hogh Andersen's girlfriend. After a couple of years of knowing each other, then dating for over a year, I'm sure he knows who the woman he's in love with is, better than all of us.
My opinion.
If you know the musical, then you'd know what she Probably meant by her words. When she says these things, supposedly the translation is correct (no article link, and I haven't found it online yet) it's about the character starting off one way, and evolving to truly be a good witch. I don't see this as a quote that could make her look bad, nor do I think it says bad things about her as a person. 😊😊 it makes me like her more bc she so easily says these things, that she's not perfect, not wholly good or bad, acknowledges changes/growth. Aren't we all a work in progress? 😊😊
Translated as: "We went to class together at the musical academy We start out pretty much like our characters in Wicked are too. So Glinda, she's in control of everything, and she's totally in control of everyone else, and she's popular, but she also puts herself a bit in the position of having to be popular."
I interpret this as Nanna and Johanne are different people, with different perspectives, personalities, and experiences. One more quiet (N) the other more outgoing (J). Bc as she explained in her longer magazine interview about Askepot she felt it was necessary to always be funny, doing a lot, to be the life of the party. Bc of her insecurities that no one would like her otherwise. Thus "controlling" others perceptions, acceptance, and thoughts of her, giving her control over everyone in that respect. And feeling more in control of her circumstances and life. I think she said she likes to give out advice too, ie tell people what to do. She strikes me as blunt and realistic. But that doesn't mean she forces people into anything. Lol. Anyway she learned from that (and an abusive relationship that broke her for awhile), how to just be herself, and not burn the candle at both ends. Or worry about others perceptions of her. She says she's more cautious now. So it's not surprising the character of Galinda (changes to Glinda later in musical) reminds her of herself and how she's grown/changed as a person. maybe Nanna was a bit of an outcast that also blossomed? 😊 Both journeys are great.
I don't interpret this as her being some sort of carbon copy of the character in all respects. Lol or that she sees herself as a carbon copy of the character either.
Context about a character is very important, imo, to consider when taking a quote and analyzing it. Instead of just trying to find a way to bash this woman endlessly. Otherwise someone saying that they're a lot like Anna Karenina, or understand her could be boiled down to suicidal cheater. And that's just not the whole story.
Galinda/Glinda is a sweet, bubbly character, and has a good heart. She's concerned about popularity, and doesn't always make the right choices. But she does in the end bc of how and why she changed, real friendship.
The character of glinda explained through a couple of links.
Spoilers:
"The show is about two young witches: The musical follows them from their girlhood friendship and explains how Elphaba became the Wicked Witch and Glinda became the Good Witch. "
"In the musical, which takes place before Dorothy Gale arrives in Oz, the young wicked witch, named Elphaba, is an outcast because of her atypical green skin. She meets a young Galinda (later Glinda) while studying magic at Shiz University. In contrast to Elphaba, Glinda is blonde and conventionally beautiful. The two get paired as roommates and are initially enemies, but they eventually become best friends.
The two are driven apart when Elphaba discovers that the man behind the curtain, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz, is actually a fraud. The Wizard wants to turn the talking, intelligent animals of Oz into unintelligible beasts. Elphaba's discovery of the corruption in Oz, and her fight against it, gets her painted as a Wicked Witch, as the citizens of Oz are convinced to stand by the Wizard. Elphaba's crusade also tests Glinda and Elphaba's friendship, as Glinda is torn between following the rules in Oz or standing by her friend.
Wicked is about female friendship, discrimination, governmental corruption, and the musical shows how the iconic characters in The Wizard of Oz (not just the witches, but the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion, too) came to be. "
https://wicked.fandom.com/wiki/Glinda_Arduenna_Upland#:~:text=Glinda the Good%2C Lady Chuffrey,Oz by author Gregory Maguire.
"It is not until Shiz University's own Dr. Dillamond, a Goat who she'd met on the way to Shiz and had been rather rude towards, is tragically killed and Ama Clutch becoming incapacitated from witnessing it that Galinda realizes how self-centered and shallow she had been. She truly allows Elphaba to finally become her friend by looking past her flaws and seeing her as an equal for the first time. To mark this new change, she changes her name to Glinda, which the old Goat had mistakenly called her. "
"She is present when the Wizard sends a mob of witch-hunters to kill Elphaba, and, unable to stand by while her friend is killed, she goes to Kiamo Ko to warn her of the impending danger. Before being supposedly melted by Dorothy, Elphaba makes Glinda promise not to clear her name, and gives her the Grimmerie, a legendary spell book. Glinda tells her that of all the friends she has had, Elphaba is the only one who really mattered, and the two Witches acknowledge that each has been changed by their friendship."
I love this musical. 💖😊😊💖 So much more than the Wizard of oz. The other quotes they say really nice things about each other. Two lovely ladies, I hope their version of Wicked breaks records!!
As always another long post, but just want to put my thoughts about this out there. 😊 sorry for the length, but had to add the quotes/spoilers for clarity. Edited to add: its obvious to me that some people are purposely trying to pick at everything she does to fit their agenda (over the actor they like) to try to make her look bad. They purposely "read" her this way bc they want her to be this way. No matter how little bearing on reality there is. Nanna even says that Johanne "inspires" her, bc of who she is. How can these people actually think they know or see her better than everyone else that knows her in real life? And continue with their hate spiel? It does not make sense. Conclusion they just want to see her that way and will twist her words to fit their agenda no matter what. I think that is sad and wrong. It's the willful misinterpretation or changing what she's actually saying to suit their hate agenda that bothers me. Another example: she said she'd never seen his WORK, not that she didn't know about him at all. Is reading and thinking a sentence through really that hard? But I shouldn't be surprised bc they just want to twist her words.
But these are also people that call AHA all sorts of names and gleefully talk of lost followers, and less projects bc he hasn't "maintained" or done enough for fans. 🙄🙄🙄🙄 HE does not owe fans anything, fans will be fans whether he's on socials or not. Fans aren't owed a damn thing. He seems like a really nice guy to me, and talented too. Seems that once he stopped being single they angrily turned on him and everything he does. It's sad and reminds me of the article I posted about a Korean singer.
#johanne milland#alex høgh andersen#alex hogh andersen#alex høgh#wicked the musical#galinda x elphaba#context is key
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bonko no honko I ran out of good jokes a long time agodemia (bnha)(if I ever had any) s3e1-3
(I forgot about the prequel minisodes but I'm already here, maybe I'll watch them later idk)
ooh this OP's got a pi-aner in it. I dig it. some of the opening bits sort of reminded me of homest - why is bakugo swole wtaf
(void teleport business slenderfrend watching all might on tv) patrick star: I hate this channel
-- why IS slendervoid so fucking dapper tho
"worst character? worst-character-in-training?"
…"Vlad" has orc fangs instead of vamp fangs : \ huh
there's that "be a fuck[bleep]ng superstar" thing again. it's so jarring every time
-- (going down the list of all of Class A's quirks) …like, yes, we do know all these things already, and it is recycled footage, but I'm not finding that I mind it
-- I knew they weren't gonna do the same for Class B's but. I mean. idk
"you said you were gonna use the pool for endurance training, right?" already hovering finger over the right arrow key
-- breaking news: anime school has girl's swimsuits that are actual clothes. granted, figures it'd only be for a joke
guy with literal jet engines in his legs: hey, who wants to do a race?
-- oh come on, none of you are even touching the water
-- iida you fuck 'XD I thought you were the rules guy
(flashback) the bit where deku says "you haven't put a single scratch on me yet" when all of his fingers are broken and todoroki is at full health is still fucking hilarious tbh
-- (still flashbacks) "I am the younger brother of a hero you attacked" also still reminds me of that "do you have ANY IDEA how little that narrows it down" meme
-- yes, yes, you're all protagonists, this is a recap episode huh
"don't hold back on me, half n half!" "okay" freezes bakugo and deku and wins easily
-- (eraserhead butts in) hehehehehehehe
-- ("pool's closed, go home") aw dammit, I wanted him to make them do the last race legit 'XD
…has this show been doing these Marvel-ass after-credits scenes this whole time? …well, hopefully it doesn't mean I've been missing any needed context when I didn't watch the credits all the way through
"what, Class A is taking extra classes? did you fail? did you fail?" oh shut up Ditto, I gave up liking you ages ago
who is this Charlie-Brown-side-character looking mfer, what's their deal 'XD
uh…… huh. well, the Jellicles have arrived.
who's the grumpy kid who looks like he wandered in from Bleach. …or Digimon. idfk. he their manager? is he hiding cat ears under that hat?
(wonders something, checks the dub) aw, I can't even comment on what they translated God Explosion Murder (you know, that guy who got kidnapped by the slime monster)'s catchphrase to in English because if I type it here FB will ban me : [ (also I'm too lazy to change these much before posting em to tumblr regardless of what order I do em in)
am here for action banjo I guess
kaminari that thing is literally made of dirt, it couldn't be any more obviously Ground-type wtf
…o-kay. mineta gets a new friend in superhell tier I guess
wheeeeeze 'XD what the fuck, I can't - what - why? fuckin' brat just punched mr nice guy in the balls
-- guy whose sole defining trait is bullying deku: "heh, he reminds me of me"
"hey kota, can you bring those vegetables? they have a sticker on them that says Vegetables in English, but don't look at it too closely, you'll get a headache" what did the artist(s?) think we were gonna think was in that box anyway?
ugh, not hot springs, we just did this gag
deku looks pretty darn normal when his head isn't on an anatomy figure : |
yooo, class b's here too, hellyeah
(going through how everybody is trying to level up their powers) all choji and hagukure have to do is hide and seek, huh. all this support tech and all and they still haven't invented anything hagukure can, idk, wear or use that's as invisible as she is or that can become invisible?
swolecat might be okay
secret hideout? isn't that just the cave where they had tokoyami doing his crona-ragnarok training?
-- (camera pans to show a hole in the cliff) is kota a cognate for kyle? also is that meme still funny? idk
literally a cenobite. who let clive barker into the writing room, this is a family show. …that occasionally says "fuck" in the background.
dancing boy is waiting for a full party
why does it not surprise me that bakugo's apparently good at cutlery. he probably says "die" in his head as he chops
("bravery test" game thingy) …yeah no I'd better not even try to understand this one, I still haven't gotten around to googling what a cavalry battle is
-- "revelry in the dark" kthx sasuke allen poe or wever
'XD they passed up the opportunity to pair bakugo with deku and decided to stick him with half n half instead
is it zombies again. or midnight.
-- oh, it's dancing boy making a move. hm.
no after-credits scene this time, only spoilers. maybe it's only for first and last episodes of a season, who knows.
got stuff tomorrow. …I think. stoppin here for now.
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the wishlist (m) - 6 (final)
“Was it worth it?”
> genre : smut, angst, fluff
> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)
> words : 15k (ugh sorry)
> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, LOTS of pining; sextoys talk and use; explicit language; explicit description of sex; phonesex; masturbation (f); dirtytalk; alcohol drinking; dubcon exhibitionism; ambiguous infidelity
previous - masterlist
There's a lot of forgetting to get done. It wasn't the plan to get drunk. Maybe you should have known better than to confide the slightest about your heart and its aching to your two girlfriends. Because they don't have much of a solution to present you with. You meant to ask of them to divert your mind, make you laugh, feed you so much you'd fall into a food coma and wouldn't be able to think about anything else but sleep. Eventually, share their own dramas of the moment (they always have some) to get you so invested in their shits you wouldn't be thinking about your own.
You made the mistake of sharing, with probably too much preponderance in your tone, that Jungkook was back with his girlfriend.
Without any context clues -they didn't even know that he was single for approximately four days-, they knew. You're not that complicated to read when it comes to him. Only he seems to not get it.
You still remember the first time they found you out. They had a sense that something was up with this kid, that there couldn't just be a platonic, decade-old friendship based on nothing spicier than the tteokbokki you'd cook for him every now and then.
They only started believing, with utter incredulity, that it was true when they saw you, and him, and his girlfriend. All at the same time, sitting around the same table, there was no doubt left. No reason to believe that there's something unsaid existing. They saw your eyes though. The shine they gain whenever you'd be looking at him, laughing hard with all his teeth out, and the glassy look they took on whenever they'd catch a gesture, a touch that was meant only for Jiyeun.
You've never really gone into details. You've never ranted over the feelings, over him, everything that made him the one person for you. They saw you cry over him though, one drunken night, and it was enough to make them understand how deep you were in.
And perhaps it's your fault, that you wouldn't sort of train them to be the better friends they wish to be to you. They don't know what to say, what to do to console you. You don't even know what you need. Really, all you know, it's that you didn't feel able enough to take care of your tormented heart and mind alone tonight.
You are to blame if they dragged you to this bar, with the music too loud and the people too numerous, bumping their hips to yours attempting to coarse you into dancing. You hate every second of it. Every element that was supposed to distract you, help you forget, feel better, served as annoying distractions. You could picture yourself, dipped in a scorching hot bath, with a bowl of ice cream, weeping your eyes out like in the most cliche, most dramatic breaking down of your life. And it felt right, in your mind anyway, a thousand times better than this.
"Here!" Like the good girl that you are, you accept the shots. Min sets one in each of your hand and stares over the rim of her own glass, expecting. You roll your eyes. Swallow them down in one go and she yells, arms in the air, jumping like the night has just been made.
At least, she's entertained. Dancing her life away, kind of wilding out with too much energy, having to apologize every few seconds for knocking someone with an elbow or slapping another with her ponytail.
"Look, who's here!"
Your heart skips a beat then. Until you follow Mary's finger who's pointing rudely at Park Jimin. Park Jimin as in Jeon Jungkook's Park Jimin, one of his closest friends. He's dressed in all black, tight leather pants clawing to his legs, silk shirt half unbuttoned, perched on heeled Chelsea boots, dark black hair gelled back.
For a second, you worry, stupidly, if your friend is not going to appear, emerging from the thick crowd, carrying a drink, catching your eyes in the room. That's another thing you wouldn't need right now: seeing him. When you're in this weird state of sadness, guiltiness, of hopelessness and confusion. You'd probably be a mean bitch again. He doesn't deserve that.
For some time, you're just watching Jimin, being Jimin, dancing languorously, flashing smiles and winks so naturally; making everyone uncomfortable just because he's so attractive and so talented at catching people's attention and making them want him. It's just Jimin, hoeing out, as always. No Jungkook ever appears next to him. And while you sort of spy on him, there are the two dumb bitches next to you, drooling over him. Commenting about his ass, the way he moves his hips and how tight he seems to be in his pants.
"You should have fallen for him, dude!" It's the pinch to your arm that drags you back to the conversation, lets you know that you're the one Min is addressing.
"What?" Your brain is already a bit slow. You haven't eaten much before leaving, drunk not much but too fast and forming intelligible sentences, translating your thoughts in their entirety is not a task easily doable at the moment. You meant to say something about how ridiculous they sound. About how it doesn't make any sense. About Jungkook and the things you feel for him, and the way you fell and how even when you suffer, like in this instance, you wouldn't change your heart because it's him, and only him, has been and might as well always be.
Why would you fall for Park Jimin?
"Jimin, you'd just ask him to fuck you and he'll do it."
"You can see he's a very generous slut."
It makes you wince. They're being fucking weird. Obnoxious, in their way of ogling him and quite disgusting talking about him. There's a smirk on the corner of Jimin's mouth and you wonder if maybe he's noticed them and is enjoying it. They don't mean to be offensive, you suppose, but they're still rude as hell.
"Useless Jungkook could never!"
Either you knock your friend out with your newly filled up glass or you drink it and attempt to swallow along your rage and that strange feeling that the open shirt Jimin is wearing has raised in you.
"Don't you wanna try him?" The question is absurd. You don't try people in general. But you'd never, ever, even think about trying someone as close as he is to Jungkook.
What the actual fuck?
"Fine! Don't give me those eyes!" Your brain and face connection is not that great at the moment that you'd know precisely what Mary is referring to. Soon after frowning and pouting through a sip of her drink, she's leaving, straight for the less crowded part of the bar, where people are dancing, where Jimin is showing off.
She needs less than thirty seconds to have him wrapped around her. Min is howling at your side like it's such an exploit. You don't want to bad mouth on your friend but it is, indeed, Jimin. Manwhore Jimin. And just like that, just because she walked in his vicinity, whispered something quickly to him, maybe just a simple greeting and a reminder of who she is, your friend, in case he couldn't make her out, and he's holding her tight, dancing, more like grinding against her, to her greatest pleasure, face buried in her hair, he seems to be uttering things directly in her ear. You catch her fingers reaching for the wide opening of his shirt, brushing against that tattoo you know to be there under his breast but have never gotten to really decipher, and he's leaving kisses on her shoulders. The next thing you see is his wide, wolf-like grin, now aiming straight at you.
You startle, almost let your glass shatter to the ground from the surprise. That seems to make him laugh. He waves a hand quickly your way and for some reasons, it sends a sudden flaming flush to your cheeks. That guy is such a cunt-tease, he's awful. No wonder people talk so crudely about him.
"I need to get plastered." You mumble, probably not loud enough for Min, whose arm you're dragging along on your way to the bar, to hear.
You may have thought, for a split second, of a fantasy. You may have reshaped the scene taking place in front of you to make it more suitable to you, to make it as self-indulgent as you could. With you replacing Mary, with Jungkook replacing Jimin. She made it seem so easy and for the briefest of moments, it felt like it was realisable. As if the only step missing, the only thing making it not real yet, is the first step, the one Mary took by just walking up to him and asking him to dance, maybe for you to be his for a while.
Then Jimin looked over, with his dark eyes and pretty luscious lips, his very sexy aura and everything that makes him him, and it all felt down to the ground. That's ridiculous.
That would never work.
Maybe hot men with the most endearing hearts that you really desire are not to be seduced by you. It just wouldn't happen. Jungkook would never, as she said.
What a shame.
You should have fallen for someone easier like Jimin. He's not one person's man, that's for sure, but at least, he would have been great at pretending to be yours for a moment.
Now you really need to get drunk.
There's pure guilt boiling in the pit of your stomach. Because you've never denied your feelings for Jungkook. He deserves them. He deserves to be loved by everyone. Deeply and passionately. And no matter how true, how pure, how intense those feelings are, he never owes to reciprocate, does he?
And here you are, greedy stupid little you, sad and angry because of course, he couldn't love you back like that. Not when there's fucking Jiyeun in the way. Jiyeun or any fucking one else, right?
He's not making it easy for you. Everything he does is making your life harder. As if it wasn't enough on its own already.
Everything he does.
Like buying you these fucking toys you need a science degree to operate.
Sort of.
Maybe you don't need a science degree. Maybe a sober head would be enough to make a toy you've never used before function.
You don't have that at the moment. You're in your favourite pyjamas - an extra-large, greyed by time tee-shirt you stole from Jungkook back in high school - and panties - because it sounded like way too much effort to find shorts or joggings and slip them on. You've managed, somehow, you don't even remember doing it, to make your bed all cosy and welcoming, a perfect backrest made of your fluffiest pillows.
The little toy, this orange thing, sort of shaped like a fat bunny, a big, rounded body with two straight little ears, pointed upwards. It's supposed to be fully charged. It's been disinfected. It's just waiting for you to use.
Except it's the last one Jungkook had bought for you, you didn't get to use it yet, to even turn it on once, nor read its instructions. And here you are, past two am, trying, with your sloppy brain, your blurry eyes, and your impatient cunt, to understand how it works. There's an app linked to it. This much you got from the big, unmissable QR code occupying the first page of the three-page long manual that your eyes won't read.
You picked up your phone, went through the violent burning of your eyes when the screen lit up too close to your face, scanned the code, installed the app and here you are, stuck.
The app won't let you turn the fucking toy on. There's a message that keeps coming up every time you try to link the app to the toy. But the message is written in grey, on white, and you can't see shit and you don't have the patience to decrypt it. Maybe if you close it, and try running it again, and try scanning the code again, and just click on the button that appears under the message, whatever it says, maybe it'll work.
Except it doesn't. After a certain number of times (keeping up with the counting is another thing you can't do well right now) the app keeps on being a bitch. Keeps being difficult and reluctant, and unwilling to let you fucking get off and go to sleep.
You're on the verge of tears.
Why would it be so fucking difficult to make a fucking sex toy work?
Why?
You're so annoyed and impatient and angry now and it's all Jungkook's fault anyway.
You can't try to go to sleep, no matter how tipsy you are, because your brain is filled up with this asshole and won't let you alone. You can't fuck yourself to sleep because the toy you've picked - and for totally irrational reasons you feel like you can not switch to another one - won't let you and it's his. His fucking present. Fucking poisoned gift.
He makes everything worse. Everything difficult. And the more your eyes fill up with frustration tears, the more you're reminded that he's also the answer.
He's the worst and the best part of your existence.
Of course, you'd call him.
"I could be sleeping." His voice is light and clear. He wasn't any close to be asleep. He's probably gaming or something. You're so thankful for his voice, the lovely thing, the comforting thing, that you don't even get mad at his aforehand teasing.
"Jungkook-" It's not a call of his name. It's a whine, almost a lament at this point. Tiny high tone, overly dragged vowels. Something like Juunggooo, and he must recognize the tone straight away because he starts laughing in your ear. You bite on your bottom lip hard, almost draw blood, squeeze your fist over your heart, as if it could help it handle it better.
You love him, you love him, you love him.
"Went out with the girls?" You hum as an answer. "Had a little too much fun, sweatheart?"
"No fun at all."
He's laughing again. His sly, mocking chuckle. He's too himself for you to get mad at him. He's too cute when he sounds boyish and happy like that.
"No fun?" He's having fun, it's hearable. It might be because you sound like a dumb, whiny kid. "Why is that?"
"Just cause." He hums like he understands. You hear mockery in it. He sounds a bit distant. As if he's not totally paying attention, as if you're really a four-year-old kid rambling some non-sense after school and their parent just barely pretends to be interested. "Junggooo, I'm trying to have my fun now but your thing is being mean to me."
"What thing?" He's definitely doing something else. He speaks a bit slow, you can picture his gaze far from you. And of course, it'd be, he couldn't even see you even if he tried. It's still vexing. He really doesn't want you to have him all for yourself. Why not fucking Jimin?
"The orange bunny you got me." You explain patiently, pouting a bit. You try your best not to have your vexation be too loud but it's hard. "I tried the app but it won't let me."
"The orange-" You hear it when the gears click. He even gasps a bit. You kind of brought it up out of nowhere when you accommodated him with your constant complains and fights pretty much each time he wanted to talk about this subject. And here you are, opening up a conversation on one of them. You kind of get where the shock is coming from. "Oh, the Gala thing." He even knows its name. "What- How isn't it working?"
"The app says I'm too drunk to use it." You quetch, glaring at the toy laying flat on its back next to you. The asshole.
"The app says what?"
"Jeon Jungkook! Are you even listening to me?" Hysteria was to be expected. Because here you are sad and drunk and horny and highly frustrated and it seems he keeps making you repeat everything. And of course, he would because he can't give you his undivided attention now, can he? Because he's not a generous slut like Park Jimin, he's a useless prick. And if he keeps being one, and he keeps upsetting you, you promise to yourself, as an act of self-love and self-respect, you'll tell him he should be better, he should be more like Park Jimin.
"I am, baby, but I'm confused."
Except he doesn't need any bettering, does he?
It's like he's heard your thoughts. Like somehow, even with the distance separating your two apartments, he's been able to read them directly on the lines of your heart. He knows what you need, the soft and gentle and tender Jungkook who takes care of you, the one that doesn't show often, especially now that you don't really go out and get pissed off drunk together, now that you don't expose the sad episodes you might have to him in fear of being precisely confronted to this perfect torture. Maybe he heard your mind calling Park Jimin's name too many times and he tries to ensure his position. You almost tell him not to bother. That it was just a taunt, it's always him, just him, will ever be.
"What does the message say?"
"That I'm too drunk and stupid to use it."
"I don't think that's what's written, baby."
"But-" You're seriously going to cry in a second. You don't even know from what. The app really succeeded in hurting your feelings by not working for you and he keeps calling you baby, it makes your whole inside boil and scorch like a puddle of lava. "It's invisible letters, how am I supposed to read exactly?"
"If you can't read maybe you should just go to bed for now, hm? Figure it out tomorrow."
"No, now." Full brat mode is on. You know if only he was sitting next to you, you would have raised a hand to pinch him right on the back of his upper arm -where it really stings. It works usually. You don't hurt him, the guy is basically made of muscles, he's the kind of work out junkie that's enjoying the pain. He wouldn't fucking mind your tiny attempt of an attack, no matter the amount of anger and frustration powering it.
By telephone though, it's even harder to make him do something. Possibly undoable. The only weapon that you have is your annoying screeching voice. "You fix it! You bought this shitty thing so you fix it."
"I forgot how rude you get when you're drunk." He's still making fun of you. Not taking you that seriously.
"Jungkook, I'm seriously going to cry." The worst part is that you mean it. If regular menaces won't do, surely affection blackmailing should be more effective.
"Don't cry, it's fine. I'll check. Don't hang up."
As if.
You did not plan on hanging up. Ever. You've decided.
It's too nice, cuddled up in your bed, with his voice, smooth and soft, saying words that you really like, like baby, in your ear. You've decided this moment won't ever stop.
"Junggoo-"
"One second, baby." You don't have one fucking second. You don't have any fucking second to spare him. When he's made you horny and lonely and longing for so fucking long. Why would you spare him any more? He takes too long. The time he takes, you prophet, will precisely be the time your vagina will need to dry out entirely.
Even his soft voice calling you baby won't serve to make you wet again.
That's a lie.
It makes you groan. Asshole, asshole, asshole.
"Oh." Your ears perk up. He's back with you, his voice closer than before, it seems, when he starts explaining, a hint of guilt shadowing his tone. "Sorry, it's my fault."
"Of course, it is." You mumble, face deep in your pillows. "Jungkook! Everything's your fault, always." You're probably being unfair. Or maybe not. Is he responsible for making you fall for him or are you to blame for doing so?
Turns out, it doesn't really matter, because he doesn't even pay attention to the blatant, telling, honest truth you've just spurred.
"When I received the package I tried it once."
"Tried?" Did he really? The cute little bunny-shaped thing you'd dismissed earlier, cursed at and threw daggers at suddenly looks different to you. You want to pick it up and maybe place a kiss on the top.
"Wait- Not like that! I didn't actually try it! I don't have a fucking clit, what-"
"You just said that!"
"I meant, I tried turning it on and linking it with the app, just to see how it worked. Like the options on the app."
"Oh." Makes more sense.
"Anyway, it's not working for you because I used my email with it and you can only have one." So many words. God. "I have to invite you. Or delete my account and then you make one with your QR code."
You turn into the whiniest, most irritating little thing then. Just a jumble of dramatic cries, something almost sorrowful because your issue appears impossible to deal with. It's not that complicated. He explained it. Too many words, too much thinking, too much paying attention, too much to do and too much delay. How does he expect you to do it when you can't even read the invisible font of the app?
"Fucking invite me then."
"Watch your mouth." It makes you roll your eyes. It's not the first time he says that. He says with this menacing growl at the end. Like he means it. Like he's really threatening you. But no matter how far you go, no matter how many times you curse at him, he never acts on it. You want to tell him, you almost do, to stop promising you things he won't ever give you. There's a ping coming from your phone. With a bit of a struggle, you manage to put the speakers on, so that he doesn't leave too far whilst you take a look at the message. A link to click on. Not that hard, it's bright blue, unmissable. It leads you back to the bitchy app.
Now it's all nice to you. It lets you enter, presents even a picture of your own toy, congratulates you for being linked to it and to Jungkook's account. Of course, it would. Now that it knows you're friends, now that he's in the thing, this bitch of an app is being nice.
There are a lot of symbols, every-fucking-where. Some wavier than others. One is shaped like a music note. Some are just little constellations of dots. You click somewhere, just to try and see if anything happens and it does.
Suddenly, the bunny is brought to life and starts purring furiously on the bed. It startles you, looks a bit intimidating. It sounds angry and complicated with all of these fucking options. At least the other toys he's gotten for you had at most two buttons, one to turn it on and off, and the other one to regulate the three levels of intensity.
You might actually need a science degree to use that. Simply to adjust it so it's not attacking you when you turn it on.
You press another button. The setting changes instantly. It starts vibrating in a jerkier way instead of one straight line of frequency.
Tentatively, you grab it, sort of unimpressed and dubious as to the way this would feel good on you. You've already grown grudges against it. It needs to impress you, prove to you that it's worthy of the effort and of you even bringing it to your precious temple.
It sucks at convincing you. You've brought it to your panties and tee covered crotch, pressed it there, waiting, and it doesn't do much. It vibrates. Weirdly. It stops and goes again, in a pattern you don't understand and it doesn't do much for you. Doesn't turn you on, doesn't make you wet. Doesn't stimulate in any positive way.
You reach for your phone with one hand, trying to keep the other one holding it against you, and it's here that the whole thing fucks up for the last time you can tolerate.
How are you supposed to fucking do that?
Don't they understand that? The people that make those fucking things? That they're going to be used mostly by single people, with a single pair of hands? How are you supposed to manage holding it up where you need it, whilst simultaneously, hold your phone up (everyone fucking knows holding a phone up with one hand, and tap on the fucking screen, especially laid in bed, is impossible and the worst fucking idea one could have - except if getting a black eye is the project) and control the intricate dashboard.
"For fuck's sake!"
"What is it?" Jungkook is sighing heavily in your room. And for a second, you're startled almost off of your own bed. You managed to forget he was even still here, on the other line, apparently waiting patiently for- for what exactly? Maybe for you to wish him goodnight and hang up. You literally forgot he was here. You were about to get yourself off -if only this shitty thing wasn't so shitty- whilst he was still here on the phone.
Why doesn't it mortify you?
"How am I supposed to use my phone and the thing at the same time? Why- How? Jungkook!"
"Stop saying my name like that!" You don't ask because you know exactly how you're saying it. There's no proper balance in your tone tonight. Either you're whining his name like a desperate brat, either you're pestering it like a disappointed, aggravated mom.
"I'm going to cry." You say again, lying this time. You've already started. It's not a lot yet. Just a puddle of tears, in each of your eyes that are just about to spill, and the prickling sensation at the tip of your nose, the latter has already starting sniffling uncontrollably.
"Why?" He sighs again. This time, it's gentler. He might have just found the key to the secret safe holding the very last drops of indulgence he hides deep inside his kind heart. "Baby, the app is really for couples."
"But I'm not a couple, I just wanna cum."
"Y/N-" He chokes on your name. "There are buttons on the toy for you to use. You don't have to use your phone, okay?"
"You're lying."
"Why would I be lying? Look! There are fucking buttons."
There are, indeed. But they suck, you think. You do try them. Pressing on them while you stretch your arms out to keep the bunny's ears close to your covered clit. It's so much work. You don't get it. The buttons are hard to press on, when you manage to activate the little monster, it just jabs against your centre, falls over from your hand. You hate the jerking motion, try to change it because clearly, it won't do. It doesn't work. The buttons suck, the toy sucks and Jungkook is cursing at you instead of helping.
"What do you want me to do? Baby, I'm- Just go to bed."
You hate that he's telling you to go to bed, again. He's probably right. You're being a pain, an embarrassing one at that. You can't just go yet, though. First of all, the very reason you called in the first place, for him to make it so you can fuck yourself to sleep, has not been effectively resolved. And on top of that, the very resolution you took earlier, the one of never hanging up, of never drawing a period to this moment, won't let you.
"This one sucks ass."
"It doesn't." He sounds calm, a bit quiet, tone low and collected. You wonder if he'd dropped whatever he was doing, whatever distraction and laid in bed like you, to listen and talk to you only. That would be nice. You're annoying as hell, poor him, he deserves better, but you're thankful for him.
"It's stabbing, how can it be nice?"
"You just- I don't even know why I'm arguing with you. You're drunk."
"Am not, you are."
He scoffs, doesn't bother insisting. He exhales deeply. You sigh as deep. Your lids are heavy. Your brain is fuming too. Your head feels fuzzy. You could sleep right now. You might make a terrible night. You might have nightmares. You might wake up in a few hours, hot and very bothered, frustrated and on edge. There's a little ping messing with an edge of your eyebrow. You know it'll grow into a headache soon.
"Junggoo..." You whimper as if he could help you. As if he's the key to this headache, to lock it away, along with the rest of your tormented feelings.
"You're tired, baby." He comments. You would bite if you were in front of him. He really wants to send you to bed. "Just go to sleep."
You should. Given that you need a good five minutes to find the energy to open your mouth and mumble, "Don't wanna."
"Then what is it that you want?"
"Told you."
"Hm?" You're not saying it again. You could fall asleep right now. With his slow breathing in your ear. It sounds so lovely. Feels like you've never been this nicely enveloped. It's like those ASMR or lo-fi music compilation videos on YouTube. The ones with the short scene, often animated, playing on the screen. It's instant peace, instant chill, purely quiet, greatly pleasant. You love these sceneries. You even have a few printed on your wall. They are great to look at and try to project in, because it seems you could never create this feeling, this atmosphere in real life.
But you've reached it. Now. The perfect peaceful land. With the perfect soundtrack coming through your phone. You're comfy and warm, it's almost as if he was actually there with you, wrapped behind you, stroking your hair. God, you wish he was there stroking your hair and kissing the top of your head. But he's not here. And why? He should be here. If he can be on the phone with you, when he used to come over to make sure the blanket is nicely tucked under your chin, why can't he be here? Life's so unfair.
"What was that?" He's probably referring to the big loud thump, throwing his toy to the ground made. It's not its fault. Even if it hurt your feelings, it's not responsible for him not being yours. Or maybe it is. He wouldn't give you toys if he were yours. He wouldn't need them. That's probably why Jiyeun doesn't like them. Because she wants him to be all that's pleasuring her. The lucky lucky bitch.
"Your stupid toy."
"Don't- do you know how much it cost?"
"Never told you to buy it."
"Sure, but don't break it! I promise it's good. You can't-"
"It stabbed me!" You accuse, petty.
"You- are insufferable." He sounds about done. Except he's not because he seems to want to prove you wrong, still. The toy on the ground starts shaking back to life. Curiously, you roll on your belly, throw a glance to the ground. It's stirring, moving around slowly, getting closer to you as if it's trying to hop back up on the bed. "Pick it up."
You do as you're told. It's vrooming lightly, quieter than you expected. You can hardly feel it in your palm. The movement more noticeable from the timid sound than by the intensity.
"Oh. It's nice now." Maybe it does have a conscience. It's being all sweet and mellow because the remote is in Jeon Jungkook, international heartthrob's hands.
"See?"
It's really gentle. It turns cute. With its bright orangy-red shade, its two cute ears and its belly, a bit domed to allow a better grip.
Your hand has a mind of its own. If he were to ask about it, to demand an explanation, even when you'll come later, and wonder mad and revolted and half dying of embarrassment, what the fuck came over you, you'd blame it all on your hand. The appendix and its own personal free will are bringing the thing back to your crotch. "You can switch the intensity, it was just at the highest before." You're hardly aware of Jungkook still talking in your ear. The phone on speaker is still laying on the pillow next to you and he's selling it to you, while demonstrating, as if he's signed a sponsorship with the brand. It could be funny but you don't really care, more curious about The Gala and finally getting to know it.
Soon enough you realize that two layers of clothing, no matter how thin, are too much. You lift the hem of his tee, exposing your panties and the lines of your mound, showing through the tissue. It makes sense then, the shape of the thing. It has those two straight ears, or poles, with enough space in between, to tuck your clit comfortably. If you'd like. And you're not sure it won the privilege just yet.
For now, it'll have it but still over your panties. They're so flimsy that really the fitting isn't too far from its initial conceptualized use. "And the modes- see," It's jerky again. It goes for a couple of beats very quick short pulses and then there's a long, monotone one until the pulses come back again. You don't like that one. It's gentler than the one from earlier, that tried to attack your clit with an angry strong beating though. "You can just switch. If you don't like the fast pulses, you don't have to use it. You just try it out." You guess he's right. You just have to try it, tame it. Learn its functions and let it learn you. Probably. Sounds like a lot of work though. The other ones were really straight forward. Good, excellent for some - special shout out to the clit hoover, which is not actually vacuuming but blowing air, which made you cum so fast and so hard in the very first two minutes of trying it. You'd turn it on and it'd do the job. Next to your ear, rambling like a radio you'd forget to turn off in another room, Jungkook is explaining how there are dozens of preset patterns and an infinite amount of slots for personal creations.
It's okay. Sounds like it would do the job. You can already tell how you'll use it if you ever decide to give it a second chance after tonight. Pressed tight against your button, turned a bit higher, in a very basic, very classic constant monotone vibration.
He's switched it to another stabbing like pulsing, very fast and aggressive, you can tell they meant to imitate the pattern of a good pounding but it does little to nothing to your excitation. Really all it does is make your eyebrows frown and your premise of a headache is back. "Hate that one."
"Change it." Kindly, he complies. Another one. You can't really identify it. Maybe a slower thrusting. It's better than the last one simply because it doesn't nearly hurt. Doesn't do much good either. But maybe it's not doing much over your panties though therefore curiously, with eyebrows furrowed now in concentration, you lift the waistband up with a finger and slip the bunny under it. Tentatively, you try to set it nicely where it should be resting, your clit out in the open, hugged tightly by the two ears replacing your lips. It's kinda nice. Barely though.
"So is-"
"Wait, turn it up a bit. I can't even tell what that's doing." You mumble maybe a tiny bit petty, a bit bad faith remaining from the bad impression the toy gave you. It's not that you want to hate because you've decided you would. It's more intricate than that. You're too tipsy to even try and explain that though.
"That one is-" After a while, doesn't do much. The higher setting, you suspect he hasn't gotten up a lot, hardly helps. It does vibrate but it doesn't seem to reach enough, your clit hardly feels anything. Your electrical toothbrush from your horny teenage years used to do a better job at being a vibrator -and this even over your jeans.
You're this close to throwing it to the ground again and give up on it, once and for all. Jungkook would need to understand. It's not because he spent a lot on it, it's not because that strange lady he keeps mentioning insisted on its good, that you are forced to appreciate it. You don't see the fucking point of this one. It does look cute and expensive but is pretty much useless. No one needs a pretty, expensive but awful friend.
"It sucks."
For a few seconds, he doesn't say anything. You consider that he might have even hung up. But then, in the quiet, his voice too serious for him not to have taken what you said personally breaks out. "You're mean."
"I think- I think it's a good opportunity to decide- uh..." The toy is still active in your panties, under your palm. The realization slowed your process of thought for a second but the bigger conclusion that it brings is that really, it sucks. So bad you even forgot it was still on -and it's not you being too drunk to have a fully, 360 awareness of your body, honestly. "To decide collectively that you need, you have to stop buying me those."
"They're not all bad! You loved the other ones!" He accuses, apparently not up for the collective decision. You are probably made of confusion at this point. How many more does he feel the need to get you? Is it that great, that gigantic, that tragic of a frustration that he developed by his girlfriend not liking these that he feels the need to bury you alive with thousands of those? The secretive shelf at the bottom of your dresser already holds little to no place left for another pretty box. And as to the satin bag you use to store the toys themselves, in your bedside table's drawer, you can't even close it anymore.
"When have I ever said that? We talked about one, I said it's fine."
"That's not what you said." Honestly, right now, you have no idea what you said. You know that you didn't find great easiness in talking about them. You've never mentioned any and he never did either, apart from the very first one. You did say something positive about it, you think you can recall. "I don't listen to you anyway because I know how bad of a liar you are."
"Well great. Blatantly admitting you don't care about my feelings-"
He bursts out in laughter. You might be a little bit of a drama queen right now. The hand that is not holding the bunny against your mound -for reasons you don't care to address to yourself, probably for you being so lazy that it feels more like an effort to change your hand's doing, take out and put away the toy, rather than just leave it there quiet and not really bothering- did reach for your chest, in a very theatrical embodiment of an offence.
"That's not what I said, you brat."
"That's what I heard though."
"I said I don't trust your mouth when the rest of you is saying something else entirely." You roll your eyes. Hopefully loud enough for him to hear it on his side of the call. "It's my new passion." He starts, giggling like an idiot. "I won't stop for as long as orgasms will look this good on you."
Oh. My God.
Is he allowed to say that? Is he allowed to say shit like that with the most calm you've ever heard anyone speak with? Like it's normal. Like it's a simple fact. Like the word orgasm in itself isn't so foreign in his mouth. Somehow he makes it sound incredible, so delicious you feel the first proper impulse to your pussy.
"You've never seen it." You counter, uneasy, feeling somehow unbalanced and unprepared against what is probably a simple conversation to him but a real personal attack with too great of weapons to you.
"I've seen the aftermath. I told you already." You wish he'd be more explicit. His words are confusing. They're not telling enough. They can be so much, they might not mean anything. He speaks softly, tranquilly, almost whispers in your ear. It's simply late. It's more appropriate, it feels, to speak quietly like that. It's one of those midnight talks.
He wouldn't know whenever he is seducing you. He's doing it constantly without meaning to. It's just him being himself and you being too weak for him. How could you make out his intentions now?
"You really-" The toy twitches in your hand. He clicked on the switch button of his app again. You're not sure why. From the way he speaks, he might not even have realised. He might be playing with the thing, mindlessly, the way he does when he picks at the skin of his fingers when he talks. He must be because he's still in his own head, talking while the thing, the barely interesting thing, turns into something else. Entirely. It's a wave-like pattern. Growing from pure stillness to a slow, growing vibration that ends in an intense climax. You gasp. He doesn't seem to hear. "You really don't want me to get you any more?"
The second wave hits. "Oh- God."
"I mean- I thought, we were- that it was okay." The sensation is incredible. For some reasons, a technology you don't fucking understand, you wouldn't fucking understand now, every single build hits insanely hard. Each time as intense if not better. You're so close to moaning. If you haven't really taken a second to realize what you were doing, actually using the toy with him on the phone, without him even knowing, somehow you know you need to remain quiet. You can't moan out loud. You sigh loud though. You have to. "I swear with you it's so hard to tell-" It's so hard to keep quiet and the realization brings a grin to your face. You're not that vocal usually. Sometimes you are, with some of the surprisingly good sessions Jungkook's presents have been offering you. But it was conscious. It was you enjoying, wanting to build a bigger pleasure, make it more sensational, it turned you on a bit, you had to admit, to hear yourself.
The pleasure the toy is bringing you right now is indescribable. The more you leave it pressed to your clit, the more you feel the heat grow. You know it's already too much. You hiss and sigh, and have to bite back moans each time the high top of the wave comes. It's too much and feels like not enough.
The greedy you would want the final hit of the wave to last longer than those very few seconds. Long enough to bring you there, make you fall over the top of the hill. But it's a teasing setting. Probably programmed specifically for overstimulation. You squirm and bite back whines each time it comes, flinch and have to fight to not tear the ears away because you know the sensation is a lot to handle, too much stimulation, yet you're already addicted, unable to act on the very fair, logical, and sensible decision you should make. You shouldn't even be pleasuring yourself with him on the fucking phone.
"Are you okay?"
Jungkook asks, after having stopped talking altogether for a minute too long but it's not like you were really in any state of mind to acknowledge it.
You don't think he's noticed yet. From the noise, hopefully little, that you were making, at most, he should be able to hear some sort of short breathing, for all you know, he might think nausea is visiting from all the alcohol you've consumed and you're heaving, on the verge of throwing up.
"You're not feeling well, Y/N?" It's his concerned tone. The serious one. The one he uses whenever there's no skip button to the conversation. Usually, it leads to him coming over to take care of you like he's your mother. Which sounds great in theory but doesn't always apply wonderfully in practice.
Sometimes you don't want him to see you looking green and gross from fever sweat; sometimes you just want to be alone and recover on your own without having him watching so dramatically concerned over your shoulder. And now, you wouldn't want him to burst in with your hand still in your panties, a sweaty, bothered, horny mess for him to be left shocked and possibly disgusted by. Maybe disgusted is a big word. Or maybe it's not. How inappropriate is it to masturbate with an unknowing friend on the other end of your phone? Is it even legal?
"I'm fi-fine, Jungkook." You lie through gritted teeth. You can't possibly be fine. You've put yourself in the worst situation and you still don't do shit to get out of it. Something is very much wrong with you.
The logical thing to do, the sensible one, would be to either end the conversation, hang up and then eventually finish yourself; or else, take the thing out of your panties, possibly throw it the further away from you and keep the conversation on if that's what you wish to do.
It would certainly not be to ask for him to turn up the setting because you now really much want to come.
"You don't sound fine."
"But I am."
"How much did you drink?"
"Not that much, Guk." He makes you frown, almost rips a curse out of you. Because all this serious talk is diverting you from your pleasure. It's not like you're going to have fucking alcohol poisoning. You didn't drink that much, honestly. The drinks were not even that heavy, except for the two disgusting shots your friend forced in your hands. "Seriously, I'm good." The building up pleasure has brought a new awareness to your brain, and honestly, you feel way more alert than before. You're far from drunk, no matter how much your behaviour seems to contradict that. You're good. You'd be perfect if he'd shut up or if he'd start half seducing you as he does. Maybe he could talk about your nipples again and what you should do with them.
He did say that. Now that you come to think of it. On top of buying you those toys, he did guide you as to what to do with some of them, how you could use them. They were not his direct advice, they were the lady's but still, he felt the importance to share them with you.
"If you are then just answer the question, how much?"
"Okay in a sec but can you turn up the toy's intensity, please?"
"Turn what?" You almost bark then. The whistling f of a very practical, very useful word you shouldn't yell at him rings to your own ear but you're strong enough to hold back. "Ah the thing, yeah, sure." What a sweetheart. A bit slow, but lovely. Your whole body contracts violently when the newly powered wave hits, the beginning of a moan escaping because it's so good, it's almost painful.
"I had like two shots of-" Ah. "Something. I don't know what it was, just-" Fuck. "Gross as- uh." Holy shit, that's good.
You can't believe you've judged this intricate, revolutionary technology so bad before. "And then, like, a martini or two, barely and- and-" You're so fucking close. Each time feels like the final ascension except you get back to square one whenever the vibration drops back to stillness too quick to your liking. It's pure torture. And having to make a fucking list of your consumption that's so far back in your brain right now, especially when you know that it's pointless, is not helping.
"Wait-"
"Jungkook-" You don't know if you're begging him to stop thinking now, not get to the conclusion his logical train of thoughts is trying to lead him to, or if you're begging him to help you cum, maybe be nice to the bunny which only seems to be kind to him and make him make you cum.
"Why did you ask me to turn the thing up?" He already knows the answer. You can hear in his tone that he already knows. And frankly, he's a dumb ass for not realizing sooner. "No, you're joking. You wouldn't- not when I'm talking to you."
"When if not then?" Maybe frustration has brought you some bravery, or maybe pleasure has burned the very last remaining functioning cells of your brain.
"Uh?"
It's probably gone too far now. It still feels like he owns the key to the phenomenal orgasm you can smell coming. If you were to hang up now, you wouldn't even know how to make this shitty thing work. And it's not enough. Still.
Shit.
You're definitely wailing in a second now. The next sound you mean to conceal is a sob. Why can't you reach it? And how can you be so hyper-focused on it, it doesn't seem to matter what's going on with Jungkook.
You've gone crazy. Or perhaps you're drunker than you thought yourself to be. The last wave hits differently. It's straight-up overstimulation when you haven't even come once yet. Doesn't feel very nice but at least, it's the push you need to finally lift it up a bit, make a pause and eventually show some consideration to Jungkook.
"So you've been arguing with me, saying it sucks when really you were-"
"It did suck before you changed the setting." You assert again. Because nagging is the thing you're most talented at doing, apparently.
Silence ensues. In the defeating quiet you realize even the discreet humming of the toy has stopped. He's turned it off.
Something akin to shame is finally showing the tip of its nose. It's been fucking late to the party, you note with a growing, you know to become, devastating mortification. Exhaustion and tipsiness are keeping your conscience quite numb but you don't give a chance to sober-you who'll wake up tomorrow with this awful incident engraved in her memory.
Why can't he say something? Essentially, it's his fault. It's always his fault. He makes you feel things you shouldn't and make you do things you wouldn't. You can't think properly. You're being fucking chaotic and he's responsible for that.
Even you know it's reaching. You're not that petty and mean.
In a whisper, dipped in sincerity and shame, you apologize. "Sorry, Jungkook."
"For what?" Because he can't let you off the hook that easily, can he?
"Are you seriously going to make me say it? You know why!" Here comes angry-you again. Getting mad and rude for no rational reasons, and here, awfully unfairly. He really deserves better.
"No, I-" You may have broken him. Jungkook has never been the most eloquent person. Between lisping and stuttering and stopping mid-sentence to let you complete for him his missing words, he's never been the best at talking. But even for him, even knowing his history, you find him pretty affected. Possibly all messed up. There's not even the hint of sensible thought. A void filled with "uh" and "tsk" and lips smacking and hums, it's like he's ceased to function. Maybe if you just hang up and from then on, just pretend it's never happened, both of you can get away with the situation. It's an option.
"Jungkook, seriously, I'm sorry. Let's say it was a fucking, uh, drunk lapse of judgment on my part and- yeah, never mention it again."
"Yeah, okay." He whispers after a while. He sounds really shaken up. "But it's fine, I'm not mad, I'm just-"
"Bamboozled?" You suggest, heart constricted, not ready to joke yet but so desperate to obtain at least a smile from him to prove yourself that it's okay and you didn't fuck it up too bad.
"Bamboozled, indeed." He chuckles, a bit breathless on the phone. You can't help the big sigh that escapes you when relief rushes through you. He doesn't sound too upset with you. "I'm really not mad, I just wouldn't have- I wouldn't have expected this, from you."
Of course not. It makes you cringe. You bury your face in your pillow and release the most intense quiet cry you could manage.
"Sorry." You say again, quiet. Your eyes are prickly. This night is such a mess. You can't make out how you're feeling. It's like your reactions and your reflections all come to their own rhythm, inappropriately, unmatching each other's and certainly unmatching the current situation.
"Stop. And don't-" If you're decomposing yourself progressively, at least, he seems to be getting back to his senses. Voice clearer and more present. "You sound so upset now. Are you embarrassed?" It's a smile you hear in his words. You don't have the right to be mad at him but honestly, you would have hit him in the ribs if he were in front of you.
"Is it even necessary to ask?" You grumble face half suffocating still in the pillow. Oh, here's another solution. Suffocating yourself to death.
"I think so. I mean I bought them and I turned it on for you, I should have- I couldn't have known but I should have. It's fine honestly."
"It's not."
Stop pretending, you fucking liar. Even if he acts quite calm, nonchalant, you can hear a very slight difference to his usual tone. He's not sincerely, honestly, a hundred per cent okay and chill with the situation. He's faking casualness but he's not entirely it.
"It is."
"It's not. I'm just gonna die, Jeon." That makes him laugh even though you're only half-joking. You don't know if it's possible to die from embarrassment. One thing is for sure, if it's possible, you won't survive the night.
"No, you're not, baby. It's fine." Jeon Jungkook is the sweetest, needless to say. You should hang up. Apologize again, hang up and pray for him to forgive you and eventually forget all about it. But you remain on the phone because you're so desperate for his approbation and his love and any sign of reassurance from him. And he's giving it to you. When he could probably have a little rest of his own. If it's awkward for you, you can't even imagine for him. But he accepts to stay and reassures you. What a cutie. "Did you cum?"
You choke on your own saliva. More than taken aback, actually shocked.
How dares he?
Or can you say that? Can you act offended when you've just done what you did? In any case, how are you even supposed to answer that question?
"You- It's just that I turned it off and we- I was just wondering if you did..." That sounds about right. That sounds like Jungkook being curious and wording this curiosity without necessarily anticipating how you'd take it. It must be part of his plan, his 'let's be the closest, let's share everything' plan he mentioned a few months back. You're not ready, won't ever be if that's what it'll look like.
You are the problem. Apparently, you can get yourself off when the poor boy is on the phone with you unbeknownst, but you still have a hard time talking about sex with him. "...because it sounds awful if you did not."
And it is. It is horrible. You'd imagine that after getting caught, feeling so embarrassed and guilty, your cunt wouldn't still be quivering and begging for you to pay attention to it again. But you've taken it so far. Made it discover new incredible sensations of course it'd still be obsessed with it and with the climax the toy teased it with.
You groan in your pillow again. Not sure how he'll interpret it. Not sure how you want him to interpret it. Should you just talk to him? He could hang up too. If really he didn't want to partake in this mess he could hang up, he could talk about anything else.
"Listen, you don't ever have to be embarrassed with me, you know that." That's reaching. You want to tell him that he can't ever say that to someone, he can't ever become anyone's mat to wipe their dirty shoes on. He should be the one feeling awkward, being mad at you, except he reassures you again. "And when you just proceed on getting yourself off while I was talking- worrying about your fucking health..." He snorts before he can finish. "How dare you act coy with me!" He's just laughing too hard now, contributing wholeheartedly to the burning flush on your cheeks. Well, you deserved it.
"Is that it? You're going to bring this up each time you'd want something from me?" You sound so upset, even to your own ears. It results in his laughter dying down pretty quickly.
"I think so, yeah." You don't add anything. You don't want to be rude. Still hope for any kind of magic word you don't even know that he could mutter to you and that'll help cure your heart and soul. Therefore you can't tell him goodbye and hang up. You wait for him to do it. Except he doesn't. It's late as fuck too. He might be working later today. Why isn't he hanging up? "If I'm talking about it, you should know that it's fine. I don't mind." An asshole and a cutie. "You okay, babe?"
The simple hum you tried to aim for turns into half of a whimper half of a moan. You're not okay. Any part of your being won't let you lie and pretend.
"Do you want me to turn it on?" For fuck's sake. "I'll hang up and leave it on so you just- it'll turn itself off when there's no battery left anyway."
"Jungkook." Your stern voice is a threat. It doesn't have to be further explained, he gets it.
"What?" He sounds aggravated. You can imagine him raising his hands to the skies, upset and losing patience as he's only trying to make it better for you and oh women are so complicated. Something like that. "Oh my God. Just get yourself off and feel better after."
"You don't tell me what to do." Childish but there's not much left of your brain.
"Well, you don't even fucking know what to do with yourself right now. Am I right or am I right?" He whisper-yells back at you. Very mean.
"Asshole." It's a tiny whisper under your breath but you're certain he hears it even if he completely ignores it.
"Listen, since you can't even- how old are you, seriously?"
"Fuck you." Barely louder. You definitely know he's heard this time, but still, he decides to dismiss it. He's always been more productive than you.
"I'll turn it on and hang up. You take care of yourself like a big girl, alright?" He probably believes that you can't get yourself to ask for what you want aka a wild night with the fucking toy you can't get to work yourself. But it's not actually the case. Honestly. Now all you can think about -besides the whole very humiliating moment when he caught you in the act- is the way it kept torturing you, bringing you very high but never enough. It started to hurt at the end, brought impatient frustrated tears to your eyes. You don't even think you could finish with it.
Maybe it's inappropriate to seriously consider it. Maybe you won't ever learn your lesson.
Before you even get to word your refusal, the thing is on. It's on the same devilish setting as earlier. The merciless wave. Fuck.
"Don't! It's not- it won't even make me cum, stop it!"
"What? Why not?"
"I don't know the setting is weird." You start explaining through the thicker pout to have ever existed. You're really considering having him solve your climax. You've gone crazy.
"What's wrong with it? Tell me, I'll put on one you like."
Fuck.
You are doomed.
What are you supposed to do with a guy like this?
"I don't think there is." You can hear the frustration from his end before he even says a word. It's written in the stars that in a second he's going to bring it all up, the part when you got off and pester that you can't still be complaining about the fucking toy. "No, I mean it's- the one I liked, the last one you clicked on, it's like-" Fuck, you're really doing this. "A wave. You know? It grows crescendo but it always stops right before- right when it's really good. And I just couldn't- because the good part doesn't last long enough and, yeah."
"Wait, let me look." He sounds a bit further away from you then. He's logged back into the app, you can tell. And with his tiny "hm" and his "so...", he sounds the way he does when your computer is being difficult and he's trying to fix it because you won't pay a professional to do it when you have this nerd populating your entourage. "Ah. You want the high moment to last longer?"
"Yes." You can picture him nod to himself, frowning his eyebrows and sucking his lips in the way he does when he's super focused.
"Like that?" You wouldn't know because the toy is lost somewhere, you can hear it but not see it. You ask him to wait for a second and it stops altogether. Doesn't make it easier to find it but it wasn't lost that far. Once you have it in your hand, you gulp, ashamed, not sure if you could ever play with this thing again. But the other guy on the phone doesn't seem to have his motivation falters. You're not the one telling him to try again, on his own, he executes.
It's hard to tell in your hand, the vibrating ears hugged tightly in your palm, if it's going to be satisfactory enough. If it's precisely the thing that was missing from earlier. It follows the pattern you asked him though. Still to a growing intense high that lasts for approximately a good ten seconds rather than the lame 2 seconds from earlier.
"I think so..."
"Okay then. You... mute yourself and then- Uh, no. I should mute myself so- or we both mute ourselves?" He's not really with you anymore. Lost in his own head amongst those seemingly very difficult questions. You don't even get where he's trying to get at. Wasn't he supposed to hang up?
"Why would you stay?"
"It's just- it's me doing it. There's no setting for what you want, it's me doing it. I have to draw the frequency on my phone."
"There's an option for that?"
"Yes. There's even one to have it follow audio!" He points out with way too much enthusiasm. He might have really found a new passion.
"Sounds like high tech."
"Yep."
"Sounds expensive as hell."
He laughs in the mic, snorts even before he brushes it off. Quite frankly, no matter what you'd have to say to him, he'd always do as he wishes. If spending ridiculous amounts of money on ridiculous things for ridiculous you is what he wants to do, he won't let anyone, not even you, tell him not to.
You don't know what to say, he's not saying anything either. He suggested something quite insane: he'd stay. While his finger would be drawing shapes on his screen to actively give you your pleasure, he'd stay on the phone with you. Maybe it's a bit hypocritical or ironical, how it sounds crazy to you now while ten minutes ago, you had no problem doing it without him knowing. That's probably the main issue here, him knowing. That changes everything.
"But if you stay-"
"We can't both mute ourselves because I won't hear if you ask me to change something or- so you, you just stay like that and I'll mute myself."
"Jungkook, you muting yourself won't change my awareness of you being here."
"But maybe you'll forget about it?"
"Jungkook."
"What?" He sounds contrite then. Like an upset child who's being argued with. He's trying so hard but you make it so difficult, it seems.
There's just one thing holding you back. Until now you couldn't quite pinpoint it. And it's hard to resolve an issue you can't name.
But it just hit you. His way of insisting while making it seem like he does it for you only, to help you out and doesn't necessarily find his part in the cake.
"Do you want to?"
"Uh?"
"You sound like- I don't know what you sound like. You're confusing. If you're just trying to give me a hand and solely that then hang up and I'll just- whatever."
"Oh."
"Of course, it makes no sense for you to do this for me and stay if you don't want to, I mean." He takes forever to answer. For a second, you even peek at your screen wondering if he didn't simply quit the conversation.
It's really all you need to know. If somehow, to some extent, he wants you or at least, wants to partake in this genuinely. You don't want it if it's just a bro hand. You can hardly live with what you've done if he's utterly uninterested. But if he does want it, even a little bit, you might be wrong but you feel like everything would turn out to be fine.
"It's not that hard of a question." You try again because it almost feels like he's forgotten you from how long he's remained silent. He had put you on the spot, in this very conversation too, so many times, you have the right to do the same to him, at least once. "Do you want to stay?"
He cracks up. It's the very hard kind of laughter. With the boyish chuckles, mixed with the squeaky intakes of air. The one that always brings a smile to your face and usually drags you along the fit.
You have no idea what it means right now. It's probably the least appropriate time for it to show up. Therefore instead of making you smile it only reinforces the headache slowly growing at your temple.
"Aah." He starts by exhaling longly. You can hear the grin fixed on his face. "Yes." Your heart trips in your rib cage. You should have guessed it but you couldn't have imagined this answer. And him laughing to tears like a fucking deranged infant doesn't help. "Shit, sorry." He apologized when the remnant of what sounds definitely like a giggle resonates in through the phone.
"What's so funny, Guk?" Your words don't match your tone. You're high under pressure, unsure of what's actually going on. Jungkook is not cruel, you've known him long enough to know that he wouldn't deliberately hurt you, wouldn't mess with you so bad, for so long, even for a great laugh. Still, you can't be convinced that he's sincere. Seriously, how could you? The dude won't stop fucking laughing.
"Nothing, I'm just- I didn't realize until you asked me the question that I wanted to." Oh. "I'm an idiot."
"Welp." Could have told you sooner but I thought you knew.
"Mean. And, uh," It sounds like he's tossing and turning in bed again. You bet he's just gotten the exact same position as before. He's like those cats that turn around in circles again and again until they settle for the initial spot. When he starts talking again, his voice is hardly a whisper, you assume he's holding the mic very close to his mouth. "I should ask you too. Do you want to?"
"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want it, moron." Patience has run thin. Now that you're reassured you don't have to be ashamed and embarrassed anymore, you can simply be annoyed as you get with him.
Honestly, you're still feeling abashed but he doesn't need to know that.
"Quit being mean. It's not my fault I'm slow." He says, faking deep pity and it does make you snort. "Okay, well..."
"Well, indeed."
"You're making this awkward!" You roll your eyes. Feels like you can sort this out. If you do take out the very blatant, scorching awkwardness, it's a very regular interaction between you. Sounds like any other day except in a second he's going to press a finger to his phone in hopes to make you cum.
"Your whole existence is awkward."
"Shut up. Let's just fucking start." He groans as if you're the one belating the initial step –you are but so is he.
"I don't have the fucking remote." He tells you to shut up again, and this time, when you hear him hum to himself when he's opening the app, there's a recognizable brushing noise falling directly in your ear.
"You put your earbuds on."
He doesn't answer but you're sure he's registered the question.
Fine.
If he doesn't want to give you an answer you'll just make up your own. Don't you put earbuds on to hear better? Just saying.
"Put the thing on."
"Oh my God, Jungkook-" You take back your own admission. He's the one, solely, all alone, making it painfully awkward. Sounding like a newly pubescent teen trying to initiate sex. "Could you be any smoother?"
"But-" He sighs. "Do you want me to?" How do you ask your best friend you've may have been in love with for officially a couple of months to please act like an ideal lover even if it's just very short-termed? He sounds willing. But asking is the most difficult part. "I can be- or do whatever you want, I just don't know-"
"I like it when you call me baby." Your whole face is scrunched up in a perfect picture of your intense embarrassment. Formalities need to get fucking out of the way and it's precisely what you've just tried to do. But holy shit, it's painfully embarrassing.
"Oh. Do you now?"
Here comes the smirk. Can't see it. Can hear it clearly. It's pretty much louder than his words even.
You want to tell him to forget it all. That it's not going to work if each fucking second he makes you feel like he's going to be using whatever you say or whatever you do against you later on. You decide to demonstrate exemplary patience, reminding yourself that he's not cruel. Admittedly.
Perhaps you're the idiot and it's all your fault. Because you've just admitted (without him even asking) that you like (and into these circumstances, that it turns you on) to have him call you baby. Thing that he does already every time he starts coddling you.
"Okay then." He startles you, clearing his throat. You wonder if he's as anxious as you are, or at least, a tiny bit nervous. For the most part, he doesn't seem like it. Then again, he's quite good at pretending.
It shows soon after when he starts again, this time with the gentle, soft voice he hardly ever uses with you. There's a tiny newcomer, a certain edge that gives it some firmness and that enchants you. That's exactly what you wanted him to be. "Put it on, babe."
You nod wordlessly, omitting that he can't see you and do as told. Slipping the toy under the waistband of your panties, guiding the ears aside your clit. There's a very faint buzzing coming from them. You barely feel it and you suppose it's just there to have you accommodate better.
"Are you still dressed?"
"It's just my panties and a big shirt." Your shirt you'd add if you had a bit more courage. You hope he's going to let you keep it.
"Take your panties off." The part of you who's his best friend wants to nag, tell him that maybe he should have asked that before demanding you place the toy on your cunt but you feel generous and merciful, and also desperate and tired of your orgasm being stalled for so long. "Are they soaked from earlier?" Okay, this shit's going to be hard. There's no coming back. Strangely, it's just now that it's really hitting you. Even if it's going well, there is no way, you'll ever forget his velvety smooth whisper saying those words. There's no way you're helpless cunt ever forgets.
They are, by the way. You don't even get how you've been able to keep them on and ignore the uncomfortable stickiness for this long. Just sliding them along your thighs feels disagreeable.
"Y/N." Sounds like you're getting scolded. And even if you particularly like the way he just said your name, with that same peculiar edge from earlier, a little sharper then, how are you supposed to answer that? "What did you say earlier? That it can't only be for you, is that right?"
"Yes." You admit sheepishly because now you're definitely getting scolded. It brings flush on your only newly temperate cheeks and you don't even hate it.
"Then I'll give you everything, I told you I would but I'll need you to give me some back. Can you do that?" He sounds so strict, how can you like it so much? You can literally feel the electricity along your spine, sliding down to go faint in the hot mess between your thighs and that's ridiculous. You hate being talked to that way, usually, probably because it's never him doing it. Jeon Jungkook might be your ultimate kink. And somehow, he figured it all out. That whatever he'd do would fit you perfectly well. Also, he might be turning like that because undeniably, you're a brat. "Can you?" He insists again because whilst you've been busy trying not to hyperventilate, he's been waiting for one answer.
"Yes. Yes, I can. Sorry."
"Don't apologize, it's fine." You should want to bite him. Why insist so much if it's to end up leaving you off the hook so easily? You know though, for a fact, awfully bothersome to your ego, that if he were in front of you presently, you'd give him puppy eyes and batting lashes, sad pouty lips and probably tend your neck to invite him to gently pat your hair. "Tell me, are your panties soaked?"
"I think I ruined them..."
"You did, didn't you?" He's laughing a bit, kind of full of himself for some reasons. Maybe he knows that it's mainly his fault they ended up this way. Maybe he knows they are not the only pair fallen victim to simply the thought of him. "Was it worth it?"
"You're taking care of me so I'd say yes." A chortle. A purr that you interpret into something you like a lot. It sounds like he's taken your response for exactly what you wished him to. A tease. He makes your belly churns and twists, turns your nerves from your heart to your noggins haywire. The least he can allow you to do, the least you'd like to do, is for him to be affected by you.
It starts with a gentle buzzing. It's nothing much. Nothing at all, you'd say if you'd let your greediness and impatience talk. There's something else doing it for you, for now. Jungkook's breath, sort of heavy, slow, rocking you with warmth. Knowing he's here and here to please you; you're laid in bed, naked from the waist down, wet and about to make it all better thanks to him; the picture itself makes it all for you.
"How is it?" Jungkook asks after some time. It's been silent. You haven't said much, in fact, you haven't said anything yet. Not that ready to demand more, and not feeling enough for moans or whimpers or whatever to be stolen from you.
"Boring." You admit. "S'not what you were supposed to give me." Through a thick pout, you deplore.
It doesn't work. He doesn't care. He doesn't fucking care when he's playing exactly the role you've implicitly asked him to play. "Have you said please, even once?" You hate that he's virtually pinning you down with exactly what turns you on.
"I- Probably." You haven't said much. You haven't been so explicit, so telling simply because you couldn't, but surely, you said please. Didn't you?
"Not probably. You did not. And on top of that, you're complaining." He's figured out exactly what you wanted, what you needed. Therefore, as naturally as it came for him, you fit it your own role easily.
"I'm not complaining. I was just- pointing it out. Sorry."
"You can apologize a lot but you can't even say please. Not once." Well, fuck. You never thought that he could be mean. Awfully mean. You wished, when you let your mind wander there one too many time, a bit too deep, that he'd be like that. Sweet and soft and tender the way he is, always, but also, bad, kind of harsh. "Ask kindly, once."
"Jungkook-"
"I'll give you everything you want. Just once."
"Please, Jungkook." You know he's satisfied with what you offer him because you don't have to wait another second for him to give you precisely what you were waiting for. It's timid, follows the crescendo built you were looking for except it's not intense. It's the first step however it's incredibly effective. It feels as good as the first time. "Plea-please." Manifestly, it is the secret word, the passcode to your pleasure because the intensity you're craving for finally reaches you. It does in an electrifying peak, that lasts long, just like you asked, it's so good, the feeling so perfectly indulgent to your needs, maybe even too much, you squirm, part the little ears from your clit, hissing. "Shit, Jungkook!"
"Too much, baby?" The hypocrite, with his concerned tone, doesn't even take a break from activating the vibration, from keeping on building the intensiveness. You can tell it's he too, him really doing it live, as in it's not absolutely regular, the built sometimes takes longer, sometimes the volume stronger, other times weaker. It's undeniable, every minute of it feels different from the next, you can't even omit for a second that it's him doing it. And he's doing it so well.
"Per- fect, just- sensitive." You moan out. Back arching, right leg twitching. The next brush is particularly nice, goes so far you believe you might come on the spot. Now you definitely can't hold back even if you wanted to. The sounds that come out of your mouth, foreign to your own ears, are not even yours. They come straight from your body, straight from an excess of pleasure you try to deal with, to handle, when you clearly can't. You're alone, and it's you ultimately controlling the power on your own body, you can pull out, even slightly, every time it comes hard and strong and you ought to twitch uncomfortably. You wonder how it'd be if he were here with you. If he forgot just for a while that you were his best friend, the girl who used to be older and taller and has turned, with the years, into this tiny little thing because he just kept on growing and growing, sprouting like a fucking redwood, and now feels like he needs to protect and care for you. If he were there, and he could forget that, you bet, his present voice, heated, scorching, is telling you this, that probably, he'd hold you down, crush your body with his, hand pressing your thighs down and apart, and force you to take the pleasure in its entirety. You imagine him merciless, slipping sweet words in your ear, while he'd have you literally scream from overstimulation.
And then his voice, the perfectly alluring thing, concludes to let you know it won't happen like that. His voice will make you come.
"You sound so good." Especially, if he keeps saying shit like that, with this tone, soft yet strong and highly, terribly affected. He's breathing hot and heavy in your ears. Is he touching himself?
"Please, Jungkook." You implore, vainly, hips slowly grinding against the toy, pressed by your palm on your sensitive centre.
"Especially begging, 'sound so, so good." He's not touching himself. He sounds bothered, but not enough, he doesn't stutter like you do, his voice doesn't jump and dip, stops momentarily like yours does. Shit, you wished he would play with his cock. Fuck, you want to play with his cock. So fucking bad.
"Y-you like it?" You ask, not because you're curious to know, he's said it already, but because you won't ever get tired of hearing him say it, in all those different ways.
"I do, baby. I love hearing you." You can't help the curse that leaves your lips a bit harsh. You're so close. So so close. Eyes filled up to the brim, tip of your nose wet. How many times have you thought, already, that you were seriously going to fall over? "You gonna cum?"
"I can't-" You sob, whine. There's a tear spilling from your right eye. "It's too much." So attentive to your every word, the intensity drops drastically. It still buzzes, discreet, way more tolerable. Ironically, if you can now bear it, you know it's not enough to lead you to your climax either. "Help me, make me cum, Guk."
"Use your fingers." He's been nice, essentially, you can only be good to him. Without even having to think about it, you dip your fingers in the mess that is your cunt. Two fingers slip in between your lips too easily, you could add a third if only there wasn't the bunny taking a bit too much room, and your fingers were longer, and your hips not so twitchy. If Jungkook was here, if only he was here, he'd fit his two fingers and it'd be enough. You bet it'd be enough. You bet his pretty, long, tattooed fingers would stretch you so well and make you come in a heartbeat. "Fuck yourself with them."
It's so gratifying. Having him humming in your ear encouragements and compliments. He's sweet, sweet, sweet. Excellent with his voice. Fuck, he must be unreal with his fingers, with his mouth, with his fat cock.
Diligently, you drag your fingers in and out, it's only mildly agreeable when you're sopping wet, almost gaping. Until he draws on his phone the same magnificent pattern from before.
You wish it'd last longer. It's precisely what you needed, the ideal combination. Along with his words.
You know if you come he'd have to stop. He'll stop calling you baby, stop saying how sexy you are, use all those nasty words he never does and talking like that, with this voice, with this heat in his tone. It's a bothering thought at the back of your mind you have to actively push away.
There's nothing you can do when harshly, yet with a please, he demands you to cum.
You can feel your cunt, wide open from both your spread legs and the excitation, getting wet, growing soaked. You can actually feel it as it happens before you explode. Clenching violently around your fingers, spilling all over them, you might squeak and scream and moan his name continuously, you barely hear yourself through your ringing ears.
"Fuck, Jungkook..." You sigh. Laying there, boneless, hand dripping up to your wrist. He's chuckling. "Fuck."
"Feeling better?" You hmm in response. Words sound like too much effort right now. Your brain is working slow. Extremely slowly. There's a multitude of thoughts forming though, germinating from a strange ground.
One, in particular, does, enlarging ridiculously much next to the others. You could enjoy this luck. You could just bathe in the lovely, perfect haze. Accept that the sky is perfectly blue without a cloud, with even a rainbow somewhere. Maybe a double rainbow even.
There's a very, very dark, very, very large cloud invading your perfect sky though. And because tears, of another kind, have already located your eyes, the new ones fit in, mixing up with them and taking over them with utter ease.
What the fuck have you done?
"Jungkook, I'm so sorry-" You start with a tremble in the voice. There's a fat lump in your throat.
"Why? What's going on, baby?" He's sweet as honey, back to his usual self, worried, and you're horrible.
"Your- I didn't even think about her and-" There's a sob bubbling out of your mouth. "It's not me. I didn't mean to-"
"What are you talking about?"
"Jiyeun." The taste in your mouth when you say her name, is unbearable. You know full fucking well you shouldn't say her name. You shouldn't be allowed to. How dare you. Spoil it when you spent way too long virtually getting in this guy's, who's someone else's boyfriend, pants.
"Dumbass." It makes you choke on your own sobs. "It's over. With her, I mean. We broke up." Ah. You want to ask a billion questions. Starting with "again?". Soon followed up by a "why didn't you say anything, dickhead?". You spent the whole fucking night, getting shit faced and spiritually crying in the club over a couple that does not even exist anymore. Then you'd ask for how long they are planning to be over. "For good, this time." You're barely drying up your fat crocodile tears when he calls you an idiot again, says something about how he's not that kind of guy and you should know it.
Feels better. The thunderstorm is gone.
Alcohol and horniness and hardcore loving are such a terrible combo you need to avoid.
"Cuddles." Tiredly, half-dead, but still alive enough to be greedy, to feel sensible, skinned and want him to give you more. "Come cuddle." He's late to answer, delays it as if you don't desperately need his response.
It's terribly quiet and still. The dark of the night seems even more sombre. He can fix everything if only he'd give you the answer you desire.
"You sure?"
"Always." You say, maybe too honest. He doesn't seem to mind, agrees with a snort.
"Alright."
He appears in front of you in the blink of an eye. Literally. That blink does last longer than usual. The orgasm may have crushed you. You close your eyes and when you open them back up, he's here. Standing in the doorframe of your bedroom, dressed in all black and oversized, as usual. You look up, eyes squinted, bothered by the light coming from the hallway. He's staring. Gaze brushing, from your head to your toes, seemingly slowing down when they reach your naked thighs.
"What?" You mumble, embarrassed, one hand sliding down just to make sure the hem of the shirt is covering your crotch. You didn't even put your panties back on. You may or may not have wiped yourself clean enough with the wet wipes wisely sitting on your bedside table -you thought about it really hard but you can’t remember if you actually did it.
"You never mentioned it was my t-shirt you were wearing." You shrug. You'd have a better come back if you weren't so tired and if it wasn't simply true. "Would have been nice to know." He says, kneeling down next to your bed. The latter is low, mattress barely raised from the ground and even when he's crouching down, he's hovering above you, looking down on you. "Easier to picture." He adds quieter the closest he comes to you. It's enough words to know who he is at the moment. In what form, what version of your Jeon Jungkook, has come to visit. It's the gentle one. The one whose voice doesn't raise, doesn't feel as animated as his usual one when he spends his time being a clown to make everyone laughs. The one that made you fall, the first time. Not exactly the one you had on the phone with you earlier and even if you like him, if you adore him in fact, you feel sort of uneasy, worried. He might be gone forever, this one.
Unless it is him. His hands reach forward, large and warm, they lie on your thighs. The fingers brush up a bit, to the hem of his shirt, and they stop there. He looks up from them, straight in your eyes, smiles, digs the tips in the meat of your thighs before he lifts you up, aiming for the border of your bed.
God. You hope it'll happen again. But differently. More in-depth. He'd be less dressed, he would manhandle you, before he'd do some unnamable things to you. But another day. One when you're not almost dead. When you feel hornier and less soft and desperate for direct comfort to your swollen heart. It could be tomorrow when you wake up. If he's up for it. Please God, make it so he's up for it.
Jungkook hops on the bed behind you, huffs comfortably, holding your cover by a corner to bring it up and over the two of you. He fits behind you too naturally for it to be the first time. He doesn't seem to mind that you're so underdressed, compared to the other times, that you still have some remnant of your orgasm on you, that it's different. His arm sliding around you, holding a bit too tight, pressing you a tiny bit too hard, you're still hot from earlier. It's perfect though. You don't want him to move an inch and you hope, the hand that's wrapped on his forearm, makes him understand.
"M'not too clingy?" His own cheek pressed hard to your own, he asks, which is weird. How could he still wonder? He's never ever been too clingy. Even when you were kids and he followed you around before even asking if he could, he wasn't too clingy. The closest, the better. You deny with a uh-uh. He calls out for your name when you're fighting to keep your eyelids open. It's the most comfortable, the warmest you've ever felt. Like a cocoon of pure love and adoration. On top of it, there's his hard arms around you, his hard thigh pushing against yours, his crotch -with the feel of his member, slightly stiff- glued to your butt, and his chest, as hard as the rest, holding your back up like a strong wall. "I promise I didn't plan the whole toys thingy for that."
"For what?" Sleepily, you wonder, actually confused from exhaustion. To cuddle with you? Like you haven't in so, so long. Why would he try to apologize for it?
"To use them with you."
"What a shame." You don't think he can understand. Diction is not something you care for at the moment. The hard laugh bubbling in his chest, rumbling, shaking your whole, lets you know he did, in fact, get it.
"You're so-" He starts but the thought dies way too soon for you to even try and complete it yourself. "I'll have a billion questions for you tomorrow."
"No." You whine. Because he's fucking up everything. If he believes you'll say it all to him, there's no way you can. There's no way you will. He chuckles.
Doesn't seem to be taking you seriously.
"Yes. And you'll answer every single one of them." He gives a sweet but pressing kiss to your neck.
"No."
"I adore you." Fucking hell. "I broke up with Jiyeun because I adore you too much. I realized I want to spend all my time and energy on my best friend." You don't even know what he means. You can't even hold your eyelids open now, you can't even keep your hand on his arm, it being too heavy and sleep having taken over most of your body.
You bet he's saying that just because he's guessed it. He's figured you all out and the asshole doesn't mind playing with your soft heart. He knows he'll get anything from you if he's this good. Hopefully, tomorrow, he'll have forgotten about his little interrogation because you're not sure you'll be able to lie. For now, he's holding you way too close for you to care. Whatever. May it last forever, this feeling.
A/N: DON’T HATE ME OKAY?! i know i have an issue with angst and endings, for some reasons, i don’t want to hurt my characters but i can’t get myself to write an actual fully happy, non-ambiguous conclusion, and i’m really sorry for it lmao.
i sincerely hope you enjoyed the last part of The Wishlist! Thank you immensely for anyone who’s followed along, please let me know your thoughts, i really really want to know :)
for now, i’m sending you lots of love and kisses, take good care of yourself and others, see ya very very soon :]
tag list: @safi4x @kai-kai-bookshelf @somewhereinthestarss @hsinmyheart @moonchild1 @monvieesdaebak @pasteljoonie @fangirls94 @jinsalpaca @ggukkieland
#btswriterscollective#ksmutclub#networkbangtan#ggukienet#bts fanfic#bts smut#bts angst#bts fluff#jungkook fanfic#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#my writing
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Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D
Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~
Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise!
Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him
Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you”
MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you”
Mozart: ??????????
Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is
This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg
Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.
MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters
MC: So how was your day, honey?
Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller
MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps?
Comte: for now.
Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch
Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer
MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds
Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you
Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor
I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.
Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:
MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu.
Dazai: wheezing
MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes
Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:
MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA
At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC
Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit
For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point
MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?
MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in.
Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise
MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch
Napoleon: laughing in agreement
Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous
Isaac: How are you feeling?
MC: Oh, I’m not
Isaac: seconds from dialing 911
Isaac: Are you okay?
MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer
Isaac: say sike rn
Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:
MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math.
Isaac: unable to help a laugh
One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like:
Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls
MC was so hecking proud of him
Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course
MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful?
Isaac: please do not, no
Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult.
MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi.....
Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano
Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom?
MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”)
Jeanne, fighting a smile:
MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended
Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:
Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.
Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.
Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...
I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.
Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”
Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...
But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.
MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now
Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing
MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job
MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.
MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one!
Vincent: ;-;
MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait
(MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)
Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.
MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.
Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me?
MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.
Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon
MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo
Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD!
MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...
Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time
Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s
MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird
Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC:
MC:
MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite
MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.
(I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)
Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp meme#ikevamp headcanons#ikevamp hcs#ikevamp napoleon#ikevamp mozart#ikevamp leo#ikevamp leonardo#ikevamp arthur#ikevamp vincent#ikevamp isaac#ikevamp theo#ikevamp jean#ikevamp jeanne#ikevamp dazai#ikevamp shakespeare#ikevamp comte#ikevamp saint germain#ikevamp sebastian#can you tell I had way too much fun with this aksjhfkhsj#i am a degenerate memer I saw this ask and straight up went It's My T i m e.#though i hope this was a fun response for you love! i did my very best <333#tyty for the ask~#rambles#not incorrect quotes#mild profanity
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The Promise
Pairing - Bucky Barnes/Desi! Female reader
Warning - Angst, sad ending, more angst
Summary - Bucky Barnes broke one promise that meant the most to Y/N
Word count - 1.5K
A/N - This is my first ever fanfic, I am very anxious so please be gentle with me :) This was created purely to make y'all cry lol. This is a songfic of "Lag ja gale" of Lata Mangeshkar ji. I absolutely adore that song and found it quite fit for this story!!! Also English isn't my first language and there might be grammatical mistakes. Thanks to @soradragon for beta reading this and helping me complete it, you are a blessing. Love you 💙 happy reading folks!
It was peaceful in Wakanda, a cool night had taken its place from the hot humid air of the day, the stars were shining bright and serenity hung in the air. It was impossible to imagine what the next day would have in store for everyone. No one had a clue that tomorrow was the day that would change everyone's lives forever.
There was the sound of soft humming coming from the modest hut which housed the one and only the White Wolf and his lover.
Inside was you, singing songs softly in your mother’s tongue before the two would go to bed for the night. It was a nightly ritual the two of you shared. For Bucky had found your voice so soothing it would chase away the recurring nightmares that would haunt his sleep every night. Bucky Barnes was unable to sleep without his love in his arms, without her angelic voice singing for him, and without her soft hand weaving through his hair.
You had an awful day today, throughout the day you felt anxious and restless. As if your mind has been screaming at you that something bad was about to transpire. You had no idea what, but it was bad. if there is one thing you hated most, it would be not knowing what will happen next.
You liked being prepared for everything! Your distressed state made you itch for your ma's presence and her wise words. So the next best thing to feel like she was there was to sing your ma's favourite song. It was a song you had beautiful emotional memories attached to.
Lata ji's masterpiece ‘Lag ja gale’. The song that always left you peaceful.
"What's on your mind, chaand? No cheesy love songs today?" Bucky teased lightly, slightly puzzled by the song choice. Normally, you would sing more happy, sweet love songs when you were in a good mood, not to forget how out of character you acted the entire day.
"Acha? You said you don't like my cheesy songs na, so I thought today I will comply with your wish and not sing my ‘overly romantic, Shona Babu songs.’” You shot back, poking your tongue out as not to worry him. Bucky pouted slightly.
"Arre baba okay now don't pout, I was just joking. I will sing the cheesy songs again tomorrow, right now this song just feels right to me.” Hearing that, Bucky mumbled a quiet yes and snuggled deeper into you, holding you tightly and moving his head ever so slightly to listen to your voice.
Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho
Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho
Lag Jaa Gale Ae Ae… (Embrace me, dear, who knows whether or not this beautiful night will ever come again. Maybe in this life we may or may not meet again)
You remember the first time you met Bucky, in Shuri's lab. You were a good friend of Shuri. You were a researcher staying in Wakanda with T'challa's permission and eventually befriended the Princess. The two of you loved to talk about anything and nothing. One day Shuri told you about the Winter soldier staying here in Wakanda. You had heard many things about him, but never had you seen him in the flesh. Till you saw him come into the lab, bruised and eyes swiming full of emotions, but the distraught was the most clear in those blue piercing eyes.
It was at that moment that you had decided you would help him, and try to soothe the aches and scars that had been covering his fragile heart. He was put in the cryo soon after your first encounter, but you couldn't help but think about him often.
Ham Ko Mili Hain Aaj Ye, Ghadiyaan Nasib Se
Ji Bhar Ke Dekh Lijiye, Ham Ko Qarib Se
Phir Aap Ke Nasib Men, Ye Baat Ho Na Ho (I have been given today, this time by destiny. To your hearts content see me closely, who knows, if your destiny, may present this situation again.)
Six months later, Bucky came out of the cryo and on his request, was given a small hut away from the palace in the fields. You often saw him, with his tiny herd of goats. You remember how one tiny goat - which Bucky had endearingly called Steve - was the one who caused you to talk to Bucky. Maybe that's why he was still your favourite goat, afterall he was responsible for giving you the love of your life.
Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho
Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hasin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)
Your phone rang suddenly. Bucky moved his head from your lap as you moved to get the phone, it was your brother who was calling you. It puzzled you, it was nearly midnight in India. "Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." You went numb...The words didn’t make sense, you couldn’t make sense of them... Ma papa? No, no this can't be happening. You...you just talked to your mom a few hours ago! Bucky’s arms wrapped around you, holding you so close. He whispered some words into your ear trying to soothe you. But you couldn’t hear them, your mind just kept repeating your brother’s words inside your head like a mantra. That’s when the tears fell, soaking Bucky’s shirt. You didn’t remember you screamed.
Paas Aaiye Ki Ham Nahin Aaenge Baar-Baar
Baahen Gale Men Daal Ke Ham Ro Le Zaar-Zaar
Aankhon Se Phir Ye Pyaar Ki Barsaat Ho Na Ho (Come closer to me, as I will not be able to come to you every time. Put your arms around me and let us cry our hearts out. Who knows, if our eyes will ever see these tears of love again.)
You couldn’t imagine what you would be without Bucky, your Bucky. He was your rock, You couldn't live a day without him. From the day you confessed your love for each other till today, not a day has gone where he wasn't showering you with love. Even through all his trauma and pain, he did his absolute best to be there for you, his sweet, sweet Y/N.
Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho
Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho
Shaayad Phir Is Janam Men Mulaaqaat Ho Na Ho
Lag Ja Gale Ki Phir Ye Hassin Raat Ho Na Ho (Maybe, in this life, we may or may not meet again. Embrace me dear for this beautiful night may not come again)
Remembering the past left you in an emotional mess, you didn't even realise when the waterworks started.
"Chaand? Hey, no shhh why are you crying? Is everything okay? Talk to me."
"Bucky?"
"Haan chaand?"
"Promise me that you will never leave me." You uttered in a broken whisper
"I promise."
He broke that promise. Bucky Barnes broke his promise and left his chaand. It happened so fast, the Avengers fighting Thanos, and suddenly everyone turning into dust.
You felt helpless and scared, numb and cold. what was happening? Bucky had told you to not come out of the palace unless told. He didn't want you to be in harm's way. No, his Y/N was too precious, he can't risk it. You reluctantly agreed, but you weren't of much use on the battlefield anyway. You just hoped your love would return to you very soon.
Steve broke the news, and your whole world collapsed in front of your eyes.
"Steve, no..no it can't be... please tell me you are lying. This isn't the time to joke around! Where is he!?" you couldn't help but scream at him. All your dreams, hopes and future with Bucky shattered. He was gone, in just a snap. It couldn’t be real, this was a sick joke. that had to be it. A sick joke…
But deep inside, you knew it was real. All of it was real. The world around you seemed to crumble, all of it came down, it was as if someone let a glass cup fall and it shattered in a million pieces. Unable to be put back together again…
Now you had no one, no mom and dad, no Bucky...He was your rock wasn't he? He wasn't supposed to go...
After a few days, Steve offered to take you to America with him. The least he could do for his pal was to make sure the girl who had his heart was taken care of. But you couldn't go, it was too painful. Brooklyn will always remind you of Bucky, and you promised him when the time came to go back to his home, you will go together. No, unlike him Y/N L/N knew how to keep her promise.
You went back to India, to start a new life. A miserable one. If only you would have known that the last song you’ve sung to him would come true.
You never sang your mother's favourite song again
Tagging - @spiderrpcrker @a-dragon-under-the-stars @lil-stark @jacquessouvenier @soradragon (I hope you won't mind me tagging you!) And I also hope you liked it :))
Translations (please let me know if I forgot to translate something) -
Chaand - Moon (an affectionate term in this context)
Acha - Really (in this context, it can mean many things otherwise)
"Y/N….jaldi aaja yaha… ma aur papa ki car crash ho gayi...I am so sorry, hum unhe bacha nahi paye." - "Y/N please come fast here, mom and dad were in an car crash, I am so sorry but we couldn't save them" (ma = mom, papa = dad)
Haan - yes
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#desi fic#marvel fanfic#Bucky Barnes x desi reader#indian reader#marvel#mcu#idk what other tags to use 🤦
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Six of Crows re-read
(i also did this for the shadow and bone trilogy so read that if you want to)
spoiler alert obiously
i'm SO EXCITED FOR THIS this is my comfort book (with crooked kingdom of course)
JOOST HI
oo fun fact this was my first grishaverse book and i read it with no context whatsoever except that the mc is an emo boy and morally grey
so IMAGINE my pure confusion when JOOST appeared
i was like ?????? weird take on morally grey character but ok
joost trying to figure out how to flirt with a girl is a mood
anyone wanna teach us how to???
i kinda wanna skip this part so i can see the crows..
but i won't don't worry
(won't I?
"I think Yuri may be quarantined"
aaaand?
so are we you are not special
i feel like it's very important for me to mention that i read this book in spanish first
and then i got into the fandom and i was like who the fuck is the wraith? i only know El Espectro
Heartender who??? ooo you mean Cardio
Tidemakers? nope, i only know Maremotores
for real i was so confused i had to re-read it in english (not that i mind tho)
say whatever you want about the spanish version but we have to agree that this design is pretty af
another one yay: "Retvenko was a Squaller" vs. "Retvenk era un Impulsor"
(should i also say that in my pfd english version the book is 294 pages long and in my pdf spanish version its 532????) (i think it's because in the english one the speces are way less like the lines are so close together wtf
i've decided that i'm bored so i'll be skiping this chapter
anya is super badass tho
skdgfalsdgfliaysvfascvhjl yesssssss inej
Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
KAZ
INEJ
I MISSED THEM
omg now i can picture amita and freddy SDJGKASKGLASG THIS IS AMAZING
we interrupt our regularly scheduled program to watch the shadow and bone trailer once again to hear freddy's beautiful voice
ok moving on!
now hear me out i'm giving you all permission to make fun of kaz for this one: Dirtyhands = Manos Sucias
hello i am Kaz Manos Sucias. nice to meet you!
AAAAA
AAAAAAAAAA
JESPER FAHEY
JESPER LOVE HI
SJDGHFKAHSGDLAJSDFSJ,AHFLHDSGF
I MISSED HIM OMG
OMG NOW I CAN PICTURE HIM AS KIT
can you tell jesper is one of my favourite characters?
i really love the fact that kaz is pissed about the murder of that ambassador ONLY because he can´t figure out how it happen
he´s such a nerd
i can't believe one of the firts things we hear jesper say is threathen to kill someone by writing "forgive me" with bullets
AND HE CALLS HIS GUNS "BABIES" OMG
picture saying hi baby and wylan thinkin he's talking to him but actually jesper's talking to one of his guns
Jesper rolled his eyes. "It's about sending a message. What's the point of a dead guy with forg written on his chest?."
"Compromise," Kaz said. "I'm sorry does the trick and uses fewer bullets."
ooo thank god we have kaz to come up with creative solutions /j /s
honestly i love how they talk about kaz's cane like it's the scariest weapon ever (which it kind of is)
nothing will ever disappoint me more than finding out that in english their gang name is "the Dregs". like i don't even know for sure what that means
in spanish is "Los Indeseables" (the undesirables?) which sounds a lot more badass
no hate tho i like the dregs
but i was confused af bc i expected it to be sometihng like "the undesirables" or"the unwanted" or whatever
and it said "the dregs"
which in the translator means something like shit or something
anways moving on:
If he'd (kaz) ever been a little boy
i love how lowkey all the crows think he was just born exactly like he is now
imagine a baby kaz all dressed in black and threatening people
cute
"No mourners," Jesper said as he tossed his rifle to Rotty
"No funerals," the rest of the Dregs murmured in reply. Among them, it passed for "good luck".
YES
YESSS
i wonder what wylan's doing right now :))
i can't wait for the next book where he has a pov
the first time i read this book i literally looked at the title of every chapter to see if he ever got one (i was disappointed to say the least :((((
Besides, she was the Wraith - the only law that applied to her was gravity, and some days she defied that, too.
ma'am
marry me please
i'm gonna cry so hard once the show is out and we get to see inej omg
me simp
That Kaz had chosen Jesper to be one of his seconds was no surprise. Twitchy as Jepser was, with or without his revolvers, he was at his best in a fight, and she knew he'd do anything for Kaz.
idk why but i just love it every time kaz implies or shows that he cares or trusts jesper
it makes me soft
But every one of Inej's senses told her that was not how this was going to play out. Her father would have said the shadows were about their business tonight. Something bad was going to happen here.
underrated saying from Inej's father right there
"I'm a business man," he told her."No more, no less"
"You're a thief, Kaz."
"Isn't that what I just said?"
i-
i see no lies here
not to be annoying but i hc jesper as adhd (i mean is pretty much as canon as wylan's dyslexia) so i'm gonna write here every time i see evidence :)
jesper with adhd part 1: impulsivity
Jesper snorted. "Stomach, spine. What's next, spleen?"
"Shut it" Oomen snarled. The rules of parley dictated that only the lieutenants could speak once negotiations had begun. Jesper mouthed "sorry" and elaboratedly pantomimed locking his lips shut.
he know he couldn't speak but couldn't stop himself from making a comment (i relate way too much to that lmao)
hoestly poor jesper he had to watch hid friend get shot and kaz do nothing about it
i would've been mad too
"I like it when men beg," she said. "But this isn't the time for it"
KAHGFAHLGSFGASFLGSAFS
this is one of the best quotes in the book by far
YASSS KAZ POV
Kaz could have tol Jesper that he knew he wasn't dirty, reminded him that he'd trusted him eough to make him his only real second in a fight that could have gone badly wrong tonight.
cute
but kaz is petty af
he didn't even have a reason not to tell jesper that!
i love that kaz knows inej is following him but doesn't say anything because he wants to wait until she's ready
i LOVE the scene where kaz in in the van eck mantion /srs
idk why but it's so good
And, of course, there was the mystery of Van Eck's son.
wonder what that could be!!! /s
He grinned at her (...)
"Hmm." she said noncommittally, pretending to examine one of her knives, determined to ignore that grin.
KANEJ YESS
HE'S BASICALLY SHOWERING IN FRONT OF HER OMG
this is so funny poor inej is getting flustered
"And I'll need Wylan waiting at the Crow Club tomorrow night."
YES WYLAN OMG
One minute he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder
happens to the best of us :/
"Please, my darling Inej. treasure of my heart won't you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?"
if kaz doesn't say this on the show we riot
agreed?
it's so amazing how nina found a way to use her powers to get money instead of having to like steal and murder like the rest in the gang
NINA'S POV YESSS HIII
nina and inej omg
their friendship is just perfect
POOR MATTHIAS HE HAS TO FIGHT THE WOLVES
i would straight up cry
Matthias was dreaming again. Dreaming of her
i'm gonna cry damn it
this is the enemies-to-lovers we all needed
jesper has adhd part 2:
"Jesper was supposed to wait until three bells." said the pale boy
"It is three bells, Kaz." replied a small girl (...)
"Since when is Jesper punctual?" the boy complained with a glance at his watch
the time blindness come one
(btw i love the fact that kaz plans around jesper's time blindness instead of like threatening him to be on time)
i really love how every one feels the need to take the time to say/think that the masks are ugly
its so unnecessary lmao
yessss inej is a badass that kills monster we stan
and matthias is lowkey impressed lmao
as he should
"Thank you, Jesper," said Nina
"You're very welcome, gorgeous. See, Kaz? That's how the civilised folk do"
THESE TWO OMG
JESPER IS THE LOML
INEJ OMG LOOK:
She stepped aside as if she's known he was coming, languidly hooking her heel behind his ankle. Matthias let out a loud grunt as he landed on the stones
(...) "Clumsy, this one," the bronze girl said impassively.
i-
that's what happen when you underestimate her bitch
AAAAAAA
PEOPLE
PEOPLE
TIME TO FREAK OUT
WYLAN IS HERE
AND HE'S DOODLING STOP IT'S SO CUTE
ok jesper has adhd part 3 i think:
"Just how crazy is he?" asked Jesper, fingers drumming on the pearl handles of his revolvers.
ok first of all: stimming
second of all: hyperactivity
i rest my case
ok 2 or 3 things here
"I believe you know Nina," Brekker continued. "The lovely girl freeing you is Inej. (...) and this is Wylan, the best demolitions expert in the Barrel"
"Raske is better," Inej said
The boy looked up, ruddy gold hair flopping in his eyes, and spoke for the first time. "He's not better. He's reckless"
"He knows his trade"
"So do I"
ok 1: kaz calling inej lovely omg kanej
2: YES WYLAN STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF
2.5: kaz calling him the best cute af
3: honestly why do people think wylan is like an innocent soft boy or whatever. he's in a room full of murderers and thieves and the first thing he does is correct them and stand up for himself
like i wish i could do that
i would be crying like a bitch
AAAAAAAA
"Meet Wylan Van Eck"
KHDSGFALSGFIASGFAL
HI WYLAN BABY
YESSS JESPER'S POV NOW
I'M SO HAPPY also look at this it's the first thing in his pov
Jesper stared at Wylan
do i sense some wesper?????
ok everyone is being so mean to him right now
they are aclling him useless and an idiot and other shit
poor boy honestly he had to deal with this + taking part of a heist he is definetly not ready for + he has to hide the fact that he can't write or read
it so distrubing that kaz is literally the nicest one to wylan right now
"See that? Hidden depths." (...)"He's good enough at demo, and he's got a fine hand for sketching, thanks to all those pricey tutors."
(...)
"There you have it," Kaz said to Jesper. "Marketable skills. Wylan is watching you, Helvar"
GET READY
ARE Y'ALL READY?
OK THEN:
"Scheming face," Jesper whispered to Inej.
She nodded. "Definetly."
THEIR FRIENDSHIP OMG
AND THIS QUOTE
I NEED IT ON THE SHOW THEY BETTER GIVE IT TO US
"Who's Mark" damn wylan (but pretty good comeback to jesper tho)
"What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?
"Knife to the throat?" asked Inej.
"Gun to the back?" said Jesper.
"Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina.
"You're all horrible," said Matthias.
tag yourself i'm jesper
KJSFGAL kaz just told wylan to tell him everything he know about his dad's company
and he said he doesn't know and kaz was like "and you never looked trough his documents????
AND THEN HE GOT SAD AND SAID HE HADN'T (and kaz believed him this is sad)
AND NOW JESPER CALLED HIIM USELESS
ok you know i love you jes but if you keep this up
idk i can't do anything you're a sharpshooter
but stiiiiiil
LMAO MATTHIAS ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT KAZ
nice try
demjin
*insert spongebob voice* demjin
WE'RE GONNA TAKE A MOMENT NOW TO APPRECIATE INEJ GAHFA
BECAUSE KAZ DOESN'T
The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.
*ugly crying*
Many boys will bring you flowers. But some day you'll meet a boy who will learn your favourite flower, your favourite song, your favourite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.
*uglier crying*
TANTE HELLEN IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
SOMEONE PLEASE STAB HER FOR ME
jesper has adhd part ?? (i have dyscalculia you can't expect me to remember the number):
That sound - the swift, shocking report of gunfire - called the scattered, irascible, permanently seeking part of his mind into focus like nothing else.
do i really need to explain this?
ok just in case.. an adhd brain doesn't actually have a deficit of attention(the name just sucks) it's problem with controling that attention. the brain is always looking for new sources of dopamine which is why it shifts its focus so much
i love that jes thinks of matthias as "tha giant"
like sir
have you seen yourself?
you're tall af
HE GOT SHOT
WHY DID I FORGET JESPER GETS SHOT IN THE LEG HERE
"Close your eyes!"
"You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan"
"Just do it!"
i love the energy BUT NOW IT'S NOT THE TIME JES
YESS WYLAN SHOW THEM THEY WERE WRONG CALLING YOU USELESS
inej just stabed some guy int the d
good for her!
KAZ YESSSS HI
AWWW SHE'S WORRIED HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS CANE
KANEJ FOR LIFE
oh no wylan got shot too???? (just barely but stilllll por baby)
my Wraith omggg
ok 3 things about this:
Without another word, he tipped Oomen into the sea.
"No!" Wylan shouted, leaning over the railing, his face pale, stunned eyes tracking Oomen in the waves. (...)
Jesper set his hand on Wylan's shoulder. "Let it go."
"It's not right-"
"Wylan," Jesper said, giving him a little shake."Maybe your tutors didn't cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a man covered in blook and a knife up his sleeve"
1. wesper yasssss
2. wylan just argued with a mant hat had just tacken the eye out of someone. he literally called him out for being an asshole. like damn wylan is brave af i love him
3. do you think seeing kaz trow the guy out of the boat reminded wylan of when the same thing happened to him???? this makes me sad
he's brave and a good person and i just-
"Man with a knife, remember?" he said over his shoulder.
"Man with a gun!" Jesper called after him
this had no right being so funny
AND THEN KAZ GAVE HIM THE MIDDLE FINGER STOP I CAN'T
nina is the biggest kanej shiper no one can tell me i'm wrong
unrelated but if jesper had gone to the Little Palace and had studied there with nina they 100% would've had a crush on Zoya and bonded over it
like you can't tell me those two bisexual disaster wouldn't be absolutely in love with Zoya
jesper has adhd part ??:
Jesper scrubbed the back of his neck, touched his hands to his gunds, returned to his neck. He always seemed to be in motions
hyperactivity right there
and restlessness
"Do you know the best way to find Grisha who don't want to be found?" (...)
"Seems to be if they don't want to be found, you should just let them be" (jesper says this)
this conversation must be so stressful to him omg
LMAO JESPER CUT MATTHIAS HAIR THIS IS SO FUNNY
AND HE SHAVED HIM
ok you all know i love all of them but they can be sooo stupid
like wylan wrote no names on the drawing and he's excuse is that he doesn't know fjerdan?
AND THAT'S NOT EVEN TRUE he literally said he learned school fjerdan which means he should know how to write it too (we know why he can't but the tohers don't)
and even then like the excuse doesn't make any sense. why would having the original name be usefull if no one can fucking read it????
the worst part tho? NO ONE QUESTIONED HIM
THEY WERE LIKE "yup makes sense" AND WENT ON WITH THEIR DAY
i wondered how they didn't figure wylan's secret sooner but now i now
it's because theya re idiots
"I'm just doing my job. Stop glaring at me"
wylan baby let's not make the gigant mad
Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. "Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I'm going to get Wylan's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost."
Brekker's lips quirked. "I'll just hire Matthias ghost to kick your ghost's ass."
"My ghost won't associate with your ghost," Matthias said primply, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.
i had to put this here i don't want to get murdered by the fandom
jesper, inej and nina have the BEST friendship
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE JES AND INEJ TOGETHER ON NETFLIX
"I know some people don't understand, but Kaz told me ... he said it was my choice, that he wouldn't be the one to mark me again."
i love this because it happen when they had just met
he did it because he understands her trauma and he respects her not because he loves her (i doubt he did at the time)
Kaz had been impressed with the sketches. (...)
"Just learn to take a compliment. Kaz doesn't hand them out often."
I'M SO PROUD OF WYLAN
and yess kaz only compliments wylan (and inej but that's sarcastic so it doesn't count) because he's a proud dad
"And you don't belong here, either."
"I beg your pardon, merchiling?"
"We don't need a sharpshooter for Kaz's plan, so what's your job - other than stalking around making everyone angsty?"
He shrugged. "Kaz trusts me."
Wylan snorted and picked up his pen. "Sure about that?"
DAMN WYLAN DESTROYED HIM
also
"If you aren't born with every advantage, you learn to take your chances."
"I wasn't-" Wylan left off and set down his pen. (...)
aww cute neurodivergent boyfriends bonding
Wylan had turned back to his work, his disappointment obvious. For some reason, Jesper felt disappointed, too.
ajgflasjgfjagslfiuusgflgdfsgdflasdgfsd
wesper
aww jes checks on inej every morning and every night i love him
"Thank you for keeping me in this world when fate seemed determined to drag me to the next. I owe you a life debt."
Nina blushed deeply. "I was teasing, Inej"
LJFGALKGFALGA another cute friendship right there
(and i can see why people ship them romantically)
STOP INEJ AND JES ARE BONDING SO MUCH (page 127 so i can go back and read it lmao)
Van Eck writes to Wylan every week, and Wylan doesn't even open the letters
"They just said the same thing again and again: If you're reading this, the you know how much I wish to have you home. Or I pray that you read these words and think of all you've left behind."
should i kill him? anyone want to join me?
Inej bumped her shoulder against his."Then at least we're both the same kind of stupid." (...)
"You're too good for him, you know?"
"I know. So are you"
jes and her bonding over their stupid crush on a white boy
Because I've been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days.
jfsfdajdhmgkfutdjrgsg ok i can't blame them for having a crush on him anymore
this chapter is full of kanej i love it
"What do you want, then"
You, Inej. You forever.
jksdgfoagsdfgsdgfklasgdflaghsldfgksdgfkahgsdfghjlkf
kaz's backstory makes me sad
"When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm," said Kaz. (...)
"I´m gonna pay someone to burn my kruge for me."
Kaz fell into step beside him. "Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what big players do."
"You know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone ...". Their voices trailed off as they tomped ahead, and Matthias and the others followed.
JES AND KAZ HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS
i can't believe we get to see nina and matthias meet and their whole backstory in less than a month omg
"It's not natural for women to fight."
"It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand."
QUEEN
YOU TELL HIM
oh no the dead grisha
this part breaks my heart every time
"Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?"
.....i'm just gonna leave this quote right here
anyways acab
stop nina tried to kill the survivor so they wouldn't suffer but she couldn't do it
and jesper did it for her without hesitation i wanna cry
and inej didn't want to do it either i want to hug them
"Because our crime is existing. Our crime is what we are"
..........
i'm gonna leave this here again
do with it what you will
"Don't mock what you don't understand."
"My mockery offends you? My people would welcome you laughter in place of this barbarity"
i- this conversation is so important
AAAAA JES AND WY ARE A GREAT TEAM I LOVE THEM
WYLAN TROWS BOMBS TOGIVE JESPER TIME TO GET READY TO SHOOT
INEJ AND KAZ ARE A GREAT TEAM TOO
THEY LITERALLY DID THE SCENE LIKE IN THE AVENGERS (but without the shield WHICH MAKES IT BETTER)
Jesper shouldered his rifle. "Wylan earned his keep."
Wylan gave a little jump at the sound of his name. "I did?"
YES BABY YOU DID GREAT
kaz getting self-conscious for his hair is pure comedy
but nina how can you say that have you see his hair on the show???? it's perfect
"Remeber our friend Mark?"
HELP I CAN'T
"Any other impossible feats you'd like us to accomplish?"
The bearest smile flikered over Kaz's lips. "I'll make you a list."
once again jesper and kaz being besties
unrelated but nikolai and jesper would love each other
the amount of sass they have between them it's unparalleled
"Mmm," Inej murmured, taking a sip from her mug. "Maybe you're just not enough."
DAMN
ma'am marry me please
kaz fainted damn poor boy
unrelated unce again but this is so much betetr than shadow and bone
like you can tell leigh improved so much
her characters are better and their arcs are better developed
the writing itself it's better
or maybe i'm just biased because i love soc so much but i think she definetly improved
INEJ IS TRYING TO GIVE HIM SPACE EVEN WHEN SHE'S TRAPPED AND LOCKED ON THE WAGON
I JUST - THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO MUCH
Though he'd trusted her with his life countless times, it felt much more frightening to trust her with his shame.
Inej had once offered to teach him how to fall. "The trick is not getting knocked down," he'd told her with a laugh. "No, Kaz," she's said, "the trick is in getting back up"
inej is smart af
Kaz was usually unshakeable during a job, but now he was on edge, and Jesper didn't know why. Part of him wanted to ask, though he knew that was the stupid part, the hopeful farmboy who picked the worst possible person to care about, who searched for signs in things that he knew deep down meant nothing - when kaz chose him for a job, when Kaz played along with one of his jokes. He could have kicked himself. He's finally seen the infamous Kaz Brekker without a stich of clothing, and he'd been too worried about ending up on a pike to pay proper attention.
ok i got a couple of things to say about this part
first of all it makes me so sad that jes cares so much for someone who dosn't deserve him. because no hate to kaz but they would never work as a couple and kaz already treats him like shit most of the time
i think this part shows who a lot about who jesper really is. a boy that grew up having to hide parts of himself, who thinks he's worth nothing but it's smart and capable, who's loyal and brave and caring but doesn't even know it himself. he's someone who feels he doesn't deserve good things and thinks he's not good enough, and that's why he unds up in all the wrong places with the wrong people. he left uni bc he fell in with the gangs, because he didn't think he was smart enough or even prepared to be in studying in the university. jesper is constantly hiding behind a mask or running from things because he's scared of not being enough
an kaz is everything jes in a way wishes he could be. kaz is secure in himself (at least on the outside), he's stable, he's smart, he's "unshakeable". and most of all, he doesn't care about others (we know that's not true but that's how he presents himself)
and that's the thing that causes jesper all his problems. because he's insecure because he thinks he's not good enough for the poeple or things he cares about. and he's always trying to do what's best for his loved ones: he went to the ice court to pay his debt for his father, he follows kaz everywhere beacause he cares about him, he offered to read to wylan (knowing it wouldn't be easy for him to be still that long).
and yeah it often doesn't work out becuase he's messy and he has problems but he tries. and he hates that. he hates that he cares so much about people because at the end of the day, that's what makes him feel like he's not good enough
one more thing and i'm done i promise
unpopular opinion but i love that leigh made jesper have a crush on kaz. 1 beacuse it's refreshing to see someone not get otgether with his first crush. and 2 because i love that it shows that we sometimes get attached to people that are not good for us, but that we can learn to move on. jesper ended with wylan who respects him and values him, unlike kaz
ok i'm sorry that was probably all bs
oo one more thing, jesper definetly has rsd (rejection sensitive disphoria), which is something most poeple with adhd have
"My father used to take me everywhere with him"
this is so sad. bc they probably had a good relationship when he was little. and then they figured he coudln't read and now his father treats him like shit
it's even worse than if he haf been horrible from the beginning because wylan knows he can be a good father. and so he thinks it's his fault and he deserves to be treated like that. i hate van eck
"You're cuter when you're smart"
(...)
"Definitely cuter when you're smart"
wesper yesssss
i love them so much
ok but why do people think jesper is stupid. like the boy just made a bunch of criminals pass out by mixing some chemicals
and he was going to the university at like 15
AAAAND NOW THEY KNOW HE'S A FABRIKATOR
amazing plot twist
also:
Wylan coughed. Flirting with him might actually be more fun that annoying him, but it was a close call.
oooo come on jesper we all know you just love getitng him to blush
and you love him
who said that? definitely not me, nope
awwww jesper misses being around animals that's cute
imagine him coming home to wylan one day with a puppy because he just couldn't resist
cute
Better terrible truths than kind lies
just leaving here more of inej's wisdom
ok this may be a reach but jesper has adhd part ???
Yellow Protocol? Red Protocol? He couldn't remember which was which. (...)
"The alarm was Yellow Protocol, a sector disturbance."
Jesper pushed at his temples. "I don't remember what that means"
a bad working memory? sounds familiar
kaz loves puzzles
it's canon
"I love puzzles. Trickery is just my native tongue."
this part where wylan and jesper see the banner made with grisha's kefta kills me every time
I would have worn purple, Jesper thought, if I'd joined the Second Army. (...) He'd beenwilling, even eager to risk capture and execution as a thief and hired gun. Why was it worse to think about being hunted as a Grisha?
this makes me want to cry so much
another thing super sad: the fact that since his father is Kaelish and had some supersititons towards grisha, jesper grew up wondering if his own father was scared of him. he had to hide his powers and he was almost taught to be afraid of them
"Is it safe to leave them, you know-"
"Alive? I'm not big on killing unconscious men."
"We could wake them up"
WYLAN
NO
damn the boy needs therapy
it's amazing how nothing went like they planned
not a single thing
PEOPLE GET READY
ARE YOU READY?
NEITHER AM I BUT WHO CARES
"What do you like?"
"Music. Numbers. Equations. They are not like words. They...they don't get mixed up."
ok dude the clues are right there he's basically saying it
"If only you could talk to girls in equations."
There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they'd created in the link, Wylan said, "Just girls?"
Jesper restrained a grin. "No. Not just girls." It really was a shame they were all probably going to die tonight.
wylan really said a straight man?? couldn't be me
this is the definition of bi panic "jesper restrained a grin" bitch we saw that
btw i love the slow burn
like they hint something here but they don't actually start liking each other until much later and they don't get together until almost the end of ck
i also love that the fact that they both like guys is like out in the open now. bc i'm not a fan of when queer characters have a crush and there's the whole thing of "are they queer too or not?"
like they both know htey are queer. but they don't get together right away bc they have to start liking each other before. they don't get together bc they are the only queer mlm characters
matthias fake betrayal killed me
i tought it was real
I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept fom this oath.
this is just-
also foreshadowing?
YAYY KUWEI HI
There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.
She's laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.
if i ever have a s/o and they don't tell me this at least once i don't want it
He needed to tell her... what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himslef together into some smeblance of a man for her
THIS
THIS IS LOVE RIGHT THERE
they are the only straight couple that matters
everyone else go home
Wylan had scratches all over his cheeks and neck. He was beaming. Inej grabbed his hands and sqeezed.
so cute omg
"You can explain why our illustrious Shu scientist looks like one of Wylan's school pals along the way"
KAZ
i mean it's true but you didn't have to say it
KAZ IS SMILING OMG
EVERYONE FREAK OUT WITH ME
HE'S "grinning like and idiot" STOP I LOVE HIM
"We are all someone's mosnter, Nina"
"I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all"
this part breaks my heart and i love it
"Stay," she oanted. Tears leaked from her eyes. "Stay till the end"
"And after," he said. "And always."
i just- helnik is perfect
AWWW JESPER MISSES WYLAN
my daily dosis of wesper :)
ok but in like 2 pages jesper tought of wylan like 10 times bc he's sad wy isn't with him
Jesper scanned the empty deck. He's assumed Wylan would come up to see them off. (...)
Jesper knew he was being selfish and stupid, but some petty part of him wondered if Wylan had deliberately kept away from him on the journey back. Maybe now that the job was complete and he was on his way to his share of the haul, Wylan was done slumming with criminals.
*charles boyle's insinuating voice* and why do you care so much???
btw YOU ARE WRONG. HE'S LITERALLY GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH HE CAN'T SPEAK
this scene where we find out the truth about wylan hurts so much but it's one of my favourites idk why
I LOVE THAT EVERYONE IS AS MAD AS I AM ABOUT THE LETTERS NOW
"Your're a fool," Jesper snarled. "He smarter than most of us put together, and he deserves a better father than you."
YES TELL HIM
the fact that wylan just heard him say that omg
"Deserved" amended Van Eck. He blew the whislte twice.
SOMEONE BETTER GRAB ME BEFORE I KILL HIM MYSLEF
THAT IDIOT
I HATE HIM SO MUCH
I'M GONNA CRY CAN SOMEONE KILL HIM FOR ME
Jesper screamed in rage and raised his guns.
YES EXACLTY WHAT I MEANT
JUST KILL HIM RIGHT NOW
"I'm not big on bludding, am I Inej?"
"Not as a rule"
Van Eck's lip curled. "And why is that?"
"Because he'd rather cheat," said the boy who was not Kuwei Yul-Bo in perfect, unaccented Kerch.
THIS WAS PERFECT
THE BEST WAY TO REVEAL THAT
(...), and Jesper flinched
baby he recognized wylan's voice
The Shu boy held out a hand. "Pay up, Kaz"
BITCH THIS IS AMAZING
THIS BOY MADE A BET WITH A CRIMINAL THAT HIS OWN FATHER WAS GOING TO TRY TO KILL HIM
AND HE WON THE BET
A nearly perfect replica of Kuwei Yul-Bo stood before them, but he had Wylan's voice, his mannerisms, and - though Kaz could see the fear and hurt in his golden eyes - Wylan's surprising courage, too.
i love it when they compliment him
my boy deserves all the compliments ever
AND KAZ IS PROUD OF HIS SON WE ALL KNOW THIS
Wylan cuold draw a perfectt elevation. He's made a drill that could cut throu Grisha glass from parts of a gate and scavenged bits of jewellery. So what if he couldn't read
this is taking me to some real places
i may cry you've been warned
WYLAN DIDN'T CARE THAT HE MAY BE STUCKED LOOKING LIKE KUWEI
this is making me cry
"A fool would have been waiting to be smashed to bits on that ship. And as for "traitor", you've called me worse in the last few minutes alone."
EXACTLY
YOU TELL HIM WYLAN
Instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej.
BABY
i would've done the same tho she's pretty
amita is sooo pretty i'm gonna die when the show comes out
Jesper was staring at Wylan, his eyes roving over the black hair, the golden eyes. "Why?" he said at last. "Why would you do this?"
nothing to say here except: wesper
You... how many times was it you standing beside me on the deck at night when I tought it was Kuwei?"
"Every time."
i want to cry so bad
"Why does it matter?"
"I don't know!" Jesper said angrily. "Maybe I liked your stupid face."
a very staright and platonic thing to say of course
i know jes we all liked his stupid face
"Jesper made a mistake," said Wylan. "A stupid mistake, but he didn't set out to betray anyone."
YES WYLAN DEFEND YOUR BOYFRIEND
And maybe he'd kept him in the dark about Wyllan because he wanted to punish him a little
even kaz know they like each other come on
Jesper sat with elbows on knees, head in hands. Wylan deside him wearing th face of a stranger.
wylan give him a hug fro me please
he needs it
"Scheming face," murmured Jesper.
"Definitely," agreed Wylan.
i miss inej already
And I'm going to get my girl. Inej could never be his, not really, but he would find a way to give her the freedom he´d promised her so long ago.
i'm ugly crying and so what?
and now we're done....
i want to read this book again omg this is unhealthy
#shadow and bone#s&b#six of crows#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#kaz brekker#grishaverse#inej gahfa#matthias helvar#nina zenik#freddy carter#kit young#amita suman#soc#helnik#kanej#wesper
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In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.
Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)
I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?
Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.
What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi
→ I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.
Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi
→ This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D
Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)
with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath
→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.
Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato
your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old
Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito
how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most
→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!
Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi
'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else
Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama?
→ I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.
Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke
so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger
→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)
Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi
I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up
→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)
Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito
the years burn, burn, burn
→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)
Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto
let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall
→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!
The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi
→ I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆
Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)
memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning
This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)
and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home
→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!
Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito
you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead
→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!
Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi
Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke
all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around
→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭
Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi
→ You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)
Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato
danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed
→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.
Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi
maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth
→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!
Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito
life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me
I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi
and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe
→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!
See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato
how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride
→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!
Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi
→ Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.
30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost
→ can be listened to here.
A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi
then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home
Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here)
→ @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.
The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi
→ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think
any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside
Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7
still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know
→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.
Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi
→ ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)
Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi
it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside
Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi
take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help
→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.
Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi
and Gai & Kakashi vibes?
→ So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!
7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi
→ Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!
Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke
→ Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!
Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito
I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow
→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.
The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi
→ I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.
Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???)
→ Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?
Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo
→ They should be by his side always!!!
Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi
→ I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(
Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin
wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi
snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins
→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)
PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys
Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships
the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown
→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?
Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato?
→ Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?
All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi
→ ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...
Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi
when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong
→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?
Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi
→ Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?
lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke
are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy
→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)
Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito
so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do
Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi
→ Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅
Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi
→ Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)
General/Miscellaneous:
Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble
don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it
→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!
Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children
→ Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.
Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito
there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go
Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)
hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher
Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE
→ ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.
We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble
→ Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!
Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans
who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?
So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?
The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble
→ If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.
Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄
→ I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.
TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire
→ 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄
Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships
→ This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?
Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble
→ It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D
Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some
→ Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!
Special Bonus:
Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito
→ I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!
youtube
#I do apologize for all the switchfoot/other repeated bands or artists#I wanted this to be really varied but switchfoot just has my number I guess?#I'd like to say I got it all out of my system now since I'll likely have to do a part two at some point#but that's not completely true *rubs back of head sheepishly*#also all the mentions of fanvid creation are just because I've always been a heavily visual learner/how I process stuff#--ironic given my visual disability--#so I suppose when my brain gets attached to something that's in an auditory medium it still has to find a way to add in a visual component?#anyway I hope this 60+ songs behemoth of a playlist is not too overwhelming and that the musical styles are somewhat up your alley!#I swear I'm going to jump back into our Kakashi & Yamato conversations now!#turns out I really suck at multitasking sometimes /0\#kakashi hatake#obito uchiha#team minato#kakashi 'n' obito#kakashi 'n' rin#kakashi 'n' tenzo#gai 'n' kakashi#sakumo hatake#naruto uzumaki#kakashi 'n' sasuke#kakashi 'n' sakumo#kakashi 'n' naruto#kakashi 'n' minato#Itachi 'n' Sasuke#itachi uchiha#itachi 'n' shisui#yamato#tenzo#sasuke uchiha#sakura haruno
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Thoughts on the new extra? I know some people might think he tian was forcing himself on mo. but he was just teasing him and getting payback and it's part of character to push boundaries. tianshan don't have the "fluff" dynamic like zhanyi. if mo really hated that he would have reacted the same way like the first kiss. Maybe he tian wanted to actually kiss mo with the way he was touching his lips but he's afraid of the reaction. Mo might have some more dreams about he tian after that😅😂
Hello, dear anon!
Before getting any further, I’m using the translation by @1154lizz for this answer. Thank you for your speedy hard work for the fandom! 🙏
It sure seems like the fandom is being divided by the latest special chapter. Considering that Tianshan has always done that, I’m not really surprised but I do hope the conversation stays civil.
I also want to remind anyone reading this that the following is merely my own opinion on the update. I am not trying to tell anyone how to interpret or feel about the special. Everyone is entitled to their own take on it, and I don’t think neither side of the argument is inherently right or wrong. Even though I’m a Tianshan shipper, I don’t think people who feel uncomfortable with the pairing can’t make valid points. And just because we might disagree, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect each other’s points of view.
Overall (drink up!), I have touched upon the subjects of Tianshan’s physical moments and if I think they are toxic/abusive:
What if HT kissed MGS again? (on the lips)
Is Tianshan toxic?
Is Tianshan toxic, vol. 2?
Intimate Tianshan moments I wish will happen
What Tianshan sex would be like in the future?
Those are probably something worth checking out to have a better understanding of where I’m coming from regarding these topics.
Now, let’s finally get to your ask!
“Thoughts on the new extra?”
To be honest, my initial reaction to the panels before knowing what was going on was “yikes 😬”. Especially, the first panels. I was a bit disappointed and put off that it seemed like we were going somewhat backward. So, I can understand why people might have been upset about the update. I think being taken aback and uncomfortable is a fair olive branch that can be extended even if you might disagree. It didn’t look good to me at first, either.
Then I read the English translation and got a better sense of what was going on. I got a proper context for the panels, and it started to look different (ch. 333):
So, MGS had accidentally kicked HT in the balls when HT scared the living bazooka out of him. And now HT was seeking revenge by making MGS “massage them”.
If you put the panels that admittedly didn’t look good in that context, they pretty much fall in line with the previous time HT’s balls were accidentally abused by MGS (ch 298):
HT took revenge by pushing MGS down and trying to “feel” MGS down there, most probably to return the favor. To me, this is the kind of juvenile humor that is well established in the comic already, and HT asking MGS to “massage them” was in that category. That kind of humor isn’t for everyone but I think it’s the type that is very typical to 19 Days.
Admittedly, the two panels have two very different environments and vibes which is why I also felt somewhat uncomfortable about the latest one. HT trying to feel MGS up after the accidental slap has a more playful atmosphere while HT pulling MGS’s hand towards his crotch in a dim bedroom comes across very differently. But in general, after reading the translation, the bedroom scene fit that whole revenge type of teasing already familiar in the comic.
Another thing that shifted in nature to me was the “forcing himself on MGS”. As I said, at first it did look like yikes to me. Then I read the translations and three things changed.
First of all, it became the kind of hot I personally enjoy in Tianshan dynamics (ch. 333):
As I said in one of my earlier answers about what I think Tianshan sex will be like in the future, I see them having some “spice” that stems from their push and pull dynamics. HT being physically in charge and having his usual pushy demeanor. And MGS would consent but also be his usual defiant self and kind of “if you want it, then you gotta take it” that I think fits his character.
I do admit that HT pulling MGS’s hand forcefully like that and MGS not being on the same page wasn’t exactly the kind of spice I meant but in general, I liked HT’s dominance and the hint of danger. That “I dare” by HT sent little shivers down my back and was just how I wanted it. Now, all we need to add to that is MGS getting more comfortable.
Secondly, another thing besides spice in my earlier post was “sugar” and “teasing” (or “seasoning” as @19elaine better put it). I think both of them were present in the special chapter, too (ch. 333):
HT was teasing and messing with MGS. He was looking for revenge in the way he knew would be the most “efficient” in the sense that it makes MGS regret kicking him for sure. But HT’s form of revenge also had sexual innuendos which I think is a big part of Tianshan’s interactions. Teasing and bullying not only pushes the boundaries in a titillating way but also upholds the sexual tension undertones between them.
The last panels also gave me vibes of “sugar”. I think when HT said he “can’t help it” (bullying MGS), he was teasing MGS but also being honest and vulnerable under the surface. I think he wanted to kiss MGS and show him that kind of affection but settled for something that wouldn’t cross big lines that MGS wasn’t ready to cross yet. But HT does want that kind of physical intimacy and affection, and on some level, it’s difficult for him to try and be patient. He doesn’t want them to have to them (aka to take them for his own pleasure) but rather because that’s what he craves for in a relationship.
Thirdly, I think this chapter showed that HT knows when to back off (ch. 333):
As I have said many times before, the seeming power imbalance in Tianshan is usually what comes across at first glance. But when you take a deeper look, I think MGS holds quite a lot of power and control in their relationship. HT pushes and bullies him for sure, but he would never want to knowingly hurt MGS or traumatize him.
For example, in that situation, I would have found it out of character if HT had French kissed MGS instead of the little “chus”. MGS wouldn’t have been ready for something like that, and it would have crossed lines in a bad way similar to when HT kissed him for the first time. That’s not how HT wants it with MGS because it would go against everything he’s trying to achieve in life. He’s not going to break the trust he has gained and hurt MGS the same way people like him have always done.
I also agree that if MGS had been against HT getting physical in the same way as when HT kissed him for the first time, he would have reacted in a similar way. He would have had a much stronger reaction. I do think MGS was still uncomfortable in that situation but...I think the vibe was vastly different. He wasn’t resisting with all his might. To me, it looked like MGS was bothered but also trusted HT. He was trusting that HT wouldn’t hurt him and knew where the line “truly” went for him.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand if “know when to back off” sounds problematic to some. That grey area isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. And I’m not telling anyone to feel differently about it if it goes against their heart. It’s just that I see that delicate balance being an essential part of the Tianshan dynamics both now and in the future.
On top of all that, I think there is also the cultural context to be taken into consideration. 19 Days is a work of the “boys love” genre and part of the conventions and tropes that come with that. I think Tianshan dynamics is a good example of the trope of a pushy, devilish “seme” who wants to bully and fluster his tsundere “uke”. Now, before anyone comes at me, that’s just how I see it based on the hundreds of works of BL (Japanese, Korean, and Chinese titles) that I have read. I think 19 Days is one of the very few BLs that has a lot of Western fans as well who aren’t perhaps that familiar with BL or comfortable with it. And sometimes those two different literal cultures clash. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I would say this chapter was one of those times. (I realize I’m making big generalizations here. This is just my gut feeling.)
To summarize, I was taken aback by the panels at first but after I got a better understanding of what was really going on, I saw it all differently and that it followed the kind of tone Tianshan and the comic have always had. However, I don’t believe in trying to dictate how people should feel about the chapter. I can see where people who were uncomfortable are coming from.
Thank you for your question, dear anon!
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