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tange-my-rine · 2 months

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find yourself (and me) || Tangerine x trans male!reader

Summary: You knew Tangerine well, you'd fallen in love with the guy. But when a mission goes wrong and you fake your death, he can't know a word of it. And when you finally transition after years of wishing, you can hardly even imagine running into him again. If you thought you might, you'd run the opposite way. But fate had different plans.

Request by @random-thoughts-004.

TW: mention of deadname (it's like your codename but like still), fake death, grief, blood, wounds, murder, guns, knives, scars, cursing (it's Tangerine), and all things bullet train.

[[A/N: Thanks for my first request !!! I hope I did it justice! Enjoy this slowburn and kinda angst riddled oneshot. Reader's first codename is Butterfly. Second is Beetle. (You work with Ladybug's agency.) ]]

The first time you met Tangerine was one of your first jobs ever. You remember it so well because well, the twins made it memorable. They made everything memorable, you'd come to realize but not now.

It was a gala, and you were dressed well -fancy even, with hair perfectly in place and shiny fabric cascading.

The job was an easy one, getting your feet wet and whatnot; not that you hadn't wanted the harder ones, it was just like a test run for your agency -seeing if you could do it. Which, with your experience, was kind of ridiculous but you didn't want to get into it right now.

All you needed was information from a man, some sort of billionaire -you weren't honestly sure. The location of someone else, his brother... cousin? You knew his name and that was all that mattered.

You finished your drink, and with a walk that could kill, you made your way to the floor. He was talking to some men (tall with bleached tips, and another one broad shoulders with a mustache), but you simply pushed yourself through.

His eyes, naturally, rested on you, and you used it toward your advantage.

"Hi," you smiled over the rim of your glass, fluttering your eyelashes for good measure, "-do you mind if I interrupt? I've been dying to talk to you all day."

The man, Richard you remembered, smiled smoothly, "'Course, honey. We can always pick up this conversation later."

With a glance toward the men, you pushed your arm into his and began walking away.

You had felt the eyes boring into your back at the time, but you didn't think anything of it. You probably should have, but to be fair this was a test run, was it not?

The man guided you to a balcony, empty with the night sky and stars twinkling. You would've thought it was pretty, if you didn't have an objective.

"Name's Richard," he spoke, still close by your side, "-what's yours, sweetheart?"

Swallowing the bile in your mouth (he really wasn't your type), you smirked -playfully, trailing your fingers onto his upper arm, "I prefer to be a mystery to the men I meet, Richard."

He grinned, it was working well, "I'm not the first then?"

The rest of your conversation was much of the same, low chats about things that didn't really matter -hobbies, jobs, etc. And when you casually mentioned family, it was smooth sailing.

"Got a cousin visiting one of my houses down in Miami, but I haven't seen the rest in years."

You weaseled out the name, and with a cunning smile, went to refill your drink. He'd said he'd have someone do it for you, but you said something about 'clingy already?' and his masculinity came in check.

Your job was done. You were 30 minutes from getting home, out of these heels, and watching your favorite show with the emptiness of your apartment. These kinds of crowds were exhausting, you needed it.

That was until hands shot out of a closet and pulled you in so fast you couldn't even scream-

"What the hell?"

The light was on, thank god, as you took in the man. He was broad shoulders from before, dressed in a fancy suit -three piece, with curly gelled back hair and blue eyes. Oh, and the mustache. He was your type.

You shimmied out of his grip, pushing yourself to the farthest wall, "What are you doing?! You can't just pull women into closets-"

"Who fuckin' sent you?" He uttered out, harsh and brash -british accent, your mind noted.

"Sent me?" You played dumb, "-This is a gala, I was invited, prick."

"Don't fuckin' lie to me," he hissed, pulling out a gun and suddenly, this was all very real.

"Jesus Christ," you raised your hands, "-why the hell does it matter?"

"You're after my hit," he clarified, like it was fact -pushing the gun further into your face.

"Yeah, no," you laughed, "-my job here was information. I literally just talked to him, if you paid any attention to your surroundings-"

"Awfully snappy for someone with a fuckin' gun in your face," he retorted, but you could tell that his frustration had significantly lessened.

"Shoot me then," you egged on, "-lose your cover, and your target, and shoot me."

His mouth flattened, eyes hardening, as the realization slipped over his features; you loved being right.

Gotcha.

With the speed of a snail, he lowered his gun -jaw muscle flexing. You could tell he was pissed that you were right. This was fun, you would've stayed all night to get on his nerves, if this dress didn't make you feel like your skin was peeling off.

In very different circumstances, you would've been glad to be trapped in a closet with him. But, we can't always get what we want, can we?

Without another word, you slipped out of the closet and made your way to the door. And when you got home you scrubbed your skin clean until the flowery scent of your perfume went away (it made you sick), but that was nobody's business but your own.

The second time you met him was very different. Your job was a hit, a CEO of some fancy business -you didn't really care. You'd posed as some meeting for him -after hours, it was actually really simple to get this guy alone.

Anyway, you had just shot a bullet through his head when the door came crashing open -easily, you switched targets.

Instead of some innocent, however, it was the man -still wearing a three piece suit and the same mustache. He wore it well though, so you couldn't blame him.

"Not you again," you groaned.

"What the hell are you doin' 'ere?" He replied eyes scrunched and eyebrow raised.

"My job?" You answered, still pointing the gun at him without hesitation.

He raised his hands, begrudgingly, and looked you over, "You 'ere for a hit?"

You kicked the body at your feet, sarcastically, "Ya think?"

His eyes flicked down to the man, before back up to you, "Lucky for you, I'm just 'ere for a drive. You let me go, we call it even?"

You pursed your lips, tilting your head to the side -thinking on it, "Fine, but if I see you again it's fair game."

"Can't fuckin' wait, love," he remarked, and you honestly weren't sure if it was all sarcasm. Huh.

"Butterfly," you said as an introduction.

He furrowed his brows for a moment before a wave of understanding crossed over his face, "Tangerine."

Needless to say, you left that building laughing your ass off.

The next time after that you met Lemon, and then suddenly you were a trio. You switched agencies and were constantly partnered for missions, and even when you weren't, they'd follow you and keep an eye out for you. Even when you told them that you could handle it, they still showed up (Lemon always blamed Tangerine).

You don't know when Tangerine started shifting in your head -from friend to... something else. A scary something else. But you think it started here.

You were in a safe house, one you'd crashed in a lot actually. An apartment in the city with three bedrooms and a fancy kitchen, you could picture it as a home if you thought about it long enough. Couldn't see it without Tangerine and Lemon anymore though.

It was late, and you were watching some late-night reruns of a show you'd never seen -it was some sort of love triangle, and you somehow already had a favorite actually. You couldn't sleep, it was just something in your head -nightmares. You had close calls before and tonight was one of them; you wanted to be alive a little bit longer because of it.

"Hey," the voice interrupted your haze, drawing your attention to your right.

It was Tangerine, he was wearing normal clothes -baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt with his hair ungelled (you were still getting used to it). Blue eyes flickered across you, he could read you really well -you hated it.

He didn't ask if you were okay, didn't have to he knew, just sat by your side on the couch -you offered him some blanket. He took it, closer into your side than he was before -it made your head spin just a little. You figured because you hadn't been so close to someone in so long.

Before you could stop yourself, you started talking, "You ever think about what your life would be like if we didn't do what we do?"

It was sleepy coming out of your mouth, slightly slurred, but still genuine. You always got a little talkative around him, you weren't sure entirely why.

Tangerine deflected, blue eyes fuzzy over your face (you weren't looking at him), "Do you?"

"Yeah," you muttered, low and quiet, "-all the time."

"What would you do?" he asked, and he was genuine -you could always tell when he wanted to listen.

"I think..." you started, trying to decide your words, "- I think I'd want to be married. Is that stupid?"

"'s not stupid, love," he spoke, soft with his gruff sleep voice.

"It'd be nice, I think," you hummed, perhaps saying too much but you didn't care then, "-forever with one person. With this job, you're always alone. Jumping from place to place, partner to partner. I think it'd be nice to have somebody who was always there."

Tangerine didn't say a word.

"The real question is if I'm marriable," you laughed, "-do you think I have enough positive characteristics for someone to marry me, Tan?"

It was kind of a joke, and you expected him to respond that way. He didn't.

"Yeah," he whispered, dead serious, "-I do."

You were taken aback a little bit, something unfurling in your chest that you hadn't quite named yet but you knew it now, "You think so?"

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer -your head settling on his shoulder without hesitation. You stayed that way for a few moments, breathing in his cologne and shampoo -he smelt so good, how?

"Someone would marry you," he finally responded -something there in his voice but you couldn't name it, "-'d be fuckin' stupid not to."

It was going great, really great. Until it wasn't.

You can't even remember the mission now, but it was one that the twins followed you in on. You convinced them to wait out in the car, you could handle this.

And while you were, your earcon went off -static voice in your ear. You had to strain to hear it, but once you did, you wished you hadn't. It was Maria, your previous handler -you had no idea how she got your connection, actually. It didn't matter then, the voice echoing through your head.

"Butterfly, listen to me, you have to get out of there."

"Maria?" you questioned, slamming a guy's head into a wall, "-'Would love to catch up but I'm a little busy right now-"

"Butterfly, listen. You are in danger."

"Aren't I always?" you laughed, sliding a blade across another guy's neck -he sunk to the floor.

"I got intel on a manhunt for you, the White Death is looking for you. You are not safe, listen to me."

You stalled in place, your heart dropping to your stomach, breathless, "What?"

"He's been surveying your safe house. He knows what job you're on, you have to get out of there now."

One of them rushed you from behind, you promptly elbowed his throat and he let you go -you spun on your heel and shot him square in the head. It was on instinct, your brain was running a thousand miles a minute.

"I can't hide from a guy like him, Maria," you spoke, a sort of shake in your tone, "-he'll find me. He'll find the twins-"

"Listen to me," she repeated, "-we have a plan, but it's not going to be easy."

"Yeah," you sighed, "-okay. I've got nothing to lose, right?"

"There's a car on the westside of the building, you need to head that way and-"

"Maria," you thought of the twins, "-I already have a ride."

"I want you to listen to me very carefully, you are not making it out of this building alive."

"Jesus," you laughed, "-have a little faith in me-"

"Butterfly, you are not making it out of this building alive."

"I am," you replied, "-I don't know what you're thinking but I'm perfectly capable."

"You, Butterfly, are not making it out of this building alive. Are you listening?"

"I don't-"

"As far as anyone knows, you are dead. As far as the White Death knows, you are dead."

"Oh," you responded, softly, "-this is... I'm... What about the twins?"

"They can't know. The White Death will be surveying them for months after, if they don't play the part-"

"They would," you ushered out, tears burning at the backs of your eyes, "-they... They could not see me for awhile but they would know-"

"I'm sorry, but if you're actually going to stay alive, they can't know. The White Death is smart, he knows how close the three of you are. If they know, he'll know."

"Please," you whispered, you felt like you couldn't breathe, "-without them... You don't know what it'll put them through, Maria, I can't-"

"I'm sorry."

Tears fell before you could stop them, heavy and your throat felt like it was closing up (good god, you couldn't breathe). You stumbled to the window, eyes catching on the car that waited for you by the entrance -if you squinted you could see them, you just wanted to see them again. Even if it was the last time-

"Butterfly, breathe, I need you to focus, okay? For them and you."

"Will you tell them first, before... before anyone else? They deserve to-" your voice cracked, "-They deserve to know first."

"Of course."

You swallowed, gasping for a breath and desperately wiping at your eyes -it felt like you were suffocating. Even still, you righted yourself -for the twins.

"What do you need from me?"

"Leave your phone and something they would know you wouldn't leave behind. They have to... They have to believe it."

With a shaky breath, you threw your phone to the floor -it cracked, but you didn't care. You scanned over yourself, digging into your pockets for something -anything. And then you remembered, the scratching on the fabric -it was your bracelet.

It was a gift from the twins, a simple charm bracelet with one single charm: a butterfly.

You remembered when they gave it to you, you promising to keep it on every day. It was the best gift you'd ever been given-

Hands shaking, you unclasped it -watching as it clattered to the ground, butterfly looking up at you. With another breath, you pulled your knife out of your pocket -three initials carved into the handle. Something in you cracked then as you looked at it, a little shrine to you -this is what they'd see. When they were told you were dead, they'd see this. That was... That was it.

You couldn't stay here anymore.

"Maria," you swallowed, blinking back as many tears as you could, "-where's the car?"

The next 4 years were a lot. You'd finally become yourself, a man, and you lived out in a small little cabin in the woods. You lived next to a teeny-tiny town where everyone knew each other, and you made your life there.

It was a sunny day when a car pulled up to your home -a fancy, expensive one. You knew it well, it dropped you off here all that time ago. Maria.

She smiled when she saw you, skimming over you -she knew about the transition but she hadn't seen you since before, "You look good, happier."

"Thanks," you smiled, leading her into your home. She was well aware of your home, every few years, she visited. Told you things, about the twins -their successes, their failures. They were infamous now. Sometimes it felt like you were there again, you could close your eyes and smell Tangerine's cologne and see Lemon's smile-

"I have some news," Maria started leaning against your countertop -she was always so rigid, all business.

"Yeah?" you smiled, "-What did they do now?"

"The White Death is dead," she spoke -frank and direct.

Something in your shoulders lifted, tears burning the back of your eyes -it had been so long, "Did they...?"

You knew very little about what she told them then, but you do know it had to do with the White Death. You knew they'd try and avenge you one day, it was just in their blood. You hoped they had peace now.

"A few people did," she clarified, "-remember the bullet train I talked about last week?"

"Yeah, you had Ladybug on that one, right?" you asked, you knew of the guy -never met him.

"The twins were there," she hummed, "-Turned out to be planned by him. He was going to kill them all by the end of the line."

"But they survived?" you asked.

"They did," she assured, before pausing for a moment, "-I'm here to ask you something."

You pursed your lips, something catching in your chest, "I can't see them, Maria-"

"That's not-" she started, before clearing her throat, "-I want to ask if you want back in."

"Into... work again?" You asked, curious.

"Yes," she said, laying it all out, "-We have a spot open, you'd be under me. We can start out with small jobs-"

"Isn't this what we planned? All that time ago?"

"We did," Maria confirmed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "-but, you've been here so long. Your plans can change, you know. You could live a normal life."

You thought back to that conversation that late night with Tangerine. You had wanted it then. At the time, you didn't know who you wanted it with but now... you did. And that... that wasn't happening.

But going back to work, that was familiar, that felt normal. You'd be yourself again. You hadn't felt that way fully since that day, but you could achieve it now. Mostly.

"Okay," you responded, "-I'm in."

That is what brought you here in some office building for a drive under the name, Beetle. Well, you weren't alone. A couple of months ago, you'd been at a meeting of the agency -Maria had requested you come. You'd said something a little bit snappy and from the back, a guy with blonde hair, glasses, and a huge smile, had yelled, "I like this guy!"

That was your introduction to Ladybug, and he'd immediately requested to be your partner to Maria. He even threw in some 'pretty-please's, you'd laughed really hard that day -you hadn't in a long time. And with a little hope of some normalcy, you agreed.

Now this was pretty run of the mill, you'd worked with Ladybug to know most of his quirks -like forgetting literally everything as soon as you stepped into the building, and not wanting to kill people on Wednesdays ('My therapist says I need to start taking care of myself, this is me doing that, Beetle.').

"Listen," you turned to him, "-just keep the guy distracted, I will find the drive."

"Hey," he mumbled, eating some kind of finger food, "-Aren't we supposed to be a team? What was it that Maria said-"

"Ladybug," you sighed, he could really annoy you, "-firstly, you know she never says anything in your favor-" he nodded at that in agreement, "-secondly, do you even remember what you had for breakfast this morning?"

He paused, squinting his eyes.

"Exactly," you pointed out, "-so I will go find the drive, and you go... mingle."

"I don't wanna mingle," he nearly whined, "-I should've retired after the bullet train."

You froze for a moment, at the mention, before coming back down to earth, "You can do that after we do this, yeah?"

"Oh," he waved his hand with a grin, "-you know I could never leave you, Beetle."

You smiled then, "I know. Now, go, seriously-"

"Yeah, alright," he swatted you, "I'm going-"

With that, you slipped over to the elevator -squeezing past a few stray people and pressing the top floor. Luckily, it was some sort of company party, so every office was unattended. You, yourself, needed the top office, so out of respect for your knees -you'd decided to use the elevator.

You would later wildly regret this decision.

Around the fifth floor, it stopped. You fully prepped yourself for some stray office worker, probably holding a two-liter to bring downstairs and the awkward conversation that would ensue. Instead, it was much, much worse.

Because in front of that door stood Lemon, tips still bleached and dressed in a casual suit -the same kind he always used to wear. Your heart was in your throat, so you casually arranged your tie -trying not to let your voice come out squeaky.

"What floor?" You offered.

He didn't say a word, was just staring for a moment -brown eyes solid on you like he was reading you. You knew you looked different, and even sounded different but you still thought maybe-

"Seventh, thank you," he smiled, sauntering up to your side.

You smiled with a nod, and pressed the button.

The silence was unbearable, and you were certainly going to give Maria an earful when you got back because this. Was. Not. Supposed. To. Happen.

That was literally your one clause for this work-

"Do I know you?" Lemon asked, looking at you questioningly, "-I feel like I've seen you somewhere before. You're so familiar-"

Your tongue was quicker than your brain, "I'm Carl, Mr. Madison's assistant?"

He pursed his lips, like he was trying to believe it.

"I work on the third floor, mostly," you lied through your teeth -it was just keeping cover, "-maybe you saw me there?"

"Yeah," he settled, still eyeing you weirdly, "-probably."

The rest of the ride was silent, just before he stepped off, "Carl, if ya see an uptight guy in a suit with a mustache, tell 'im I'm on seventh, will ya?"

You instinctively nodded, and as the doors slipped shut -your brain started screaming. Of course, Tangerine was here. God, you could handle Lemon, but-

You pressed your com on, hissing out, "Maria-"

"Yeah, Beetle, what's going on? Everything okay?"

"The twins are here," you spoke -tone wavering, your breaths felt shallow like you weren't getting enough no matter how hard you tried.

"Oh shit."

"Wow," you came back to earth for a moment, "-that's the first time I've heard you lose your cool. Too bad I'm losing my mind-"

"Beetle, listen to me, okay? They don't know who you are. You look different, you sound different."

"I know," you let a breath out, "-I just. I never wanted to see them again. I don't... I don't deserve to."

"Beetle, we've talked about this."

"I know," you took a breath in, "-I know. It's just a lot."

"Is Ladybug there with you?"

"No," you spoke, like it was obvious, "-he can hardly remember his name sometimes, Maria-"

"I'll tell him there's an emergency. Send him up to you."

"But there isn't?" You countered, hand slipping up to run through your hair.

"If the twins are there for the same thing, there's about to be."

With that, you were on the top floor. You kept your eyes peeled -fancy shoes clopping along the tile. You'd always wanted a pair, but now you felt like a prick, honestly.

You figured if Tangerine was anywhere he was here, or shuffled into the party. That was if you had the same motivation.

Which was probably your best bet.

Somehow, you made it to the office in one piece. No peering blue eyes anywhere or accents melting into your ears, you were alone. Huh, maybe you were lucky.

You shuffled through some drawers, scattering paperwork and knocking a tin of paperclips over. It really didn't matter, the man would notice the USB gone anyway so no need for it to look like someone hadn't stolen it. With the drawers, you came up empty-handed.

You pursed your lips, before brushing your fingers along the top shelf of the bookshelf, maybe it was hidden? Nope.

You spun on your toes, before your eyes landed on the laptop. It was literally plugged into his laptop, out in the open.

"Idiots," you mumbled, before pocketing it with the slip of your hand.

Ready to go and fetch Ladybug, your job was done-

"Give me the fuckin' drive," his voice bounced around your head, and you very nearly cracked your neck spinning around to see him.

The first thing was the gun in your face, which was familiar, actually.

You raised your hands in surrender, instinctively muttering, "Jesus Christ."

He stalled for a minute when his eyes met your face like he was processing something -you thought out of anyone he would recognize you. The gun faltered in his hand as his eyebrows crept together into a furrow, confused.

You washed over him too, his hair was slightly longer and he was stronger -you could tell. His mustache was the same, and the suit too, just tighter. But along his neck, right at the collarbone was a nasty scar -it was new, fresh, you could tell. A couple of months at most.

"Look, I'm just Mr. Madison's assistant," you started, your voice shaking but it actually helped you here, "-I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you think I'm fuckin' stupid?" He countered, frustrated again, but there was still something skewed in his face, "-I saw you slip it in your pocket."

"Right," you swallowed, "-glass doors."

He leaned forward, the gun doing the same. And you heard the jingle of his necklace, the one he always wore -something from his childhood he said, but there was another sound, another noise. Before you could think any better, your eyes dipped to it.

The butterfly charm.

Your heart stalled in your chest.

He had the butterfly charm, your butterfly charm, around his neck. The silver was stark against the gold, so you really couldn't have missed it -how long has he been wearing that?

A sob trickled up the back of your throat, but you held it back -blinking away tears.

"Look," you echoed, voice heavy with wear -you wouldn't cry, not now, "-we can work this out."

"I said," he stepped forward, and you could smell his cologne -it was still the same, "-give me the fuckin' drive."

You didn't move.

"Do you want a fuckin' bullet in your head, love?" He asked, his face getting redder, but there was still something in his eyes -he was hesitating. He never hesitates.

Not... not at work. He pulls the trigger and is done but he's hesitating-

Your heart pounding in your chest, you stood your ground -digging your heels in, "Shoot me. You can take it off my corpse, just shoot me."

Tangerine frowned, something in his face flickering between your eyes -you knew he saw you, but you didn't know how he did. Did he think it was just a coincidence? Did he know? Did he think he was hallucinating?

He opened his mouth, but before he could say a word -Lemon walked in with a gun pressed to his temple. Your eyes caught on Ladybug's and he visibly seemed to relax at the sight of you breathing.

"For old times sake," he spoke, "-you give me my guy, I give you yours."

"You almost fuckin' killed me," Tangerine seethed through his teeth, "-why should I 'ave any leniency?"

Oh, you thought, that scar was from Ladybug?

"He's got a point 'ere," Lemon replied, rather plainly. You wanted to laugh.

Ladybug paused, "I said I was sorry, I thought we were past that, guys! We killed the White Death together, remember?"

Both of them froze, tense and lips twitching. Was that... Was that because of you?

"Oh, right, sorry," Ladybug recanted, "-sensitive subject."

It was. Something in your chest panged, you'd never thought you'd see it firsthand. You never wanted to-

You stopped the train of thought, hissing to Ladybug, "You are not helping here, you know that?"

"I'm trying my best," he practically whined back, "-you try reasoning with these guys! It's like talking to two brick walls-"

"Ladybug," you chastised.

"Right, sorry," he repeated.

You sighed, leveling to look at them, "Look, I'll give you guys the drive, okay? Just let us go. I'll get him out of here."

Tangerine softened just a smidge -blue eyes matching yours, you may have looked different but your eyes stayed the same. You knew that, and you hoped somewhere in him, he recognized them or they reminded him or anything-

Because if they didn't, you weren't making it out of here alive.

Wordlessly, Tangerine put his gun down and held out his hand. So he did see it.

Ladybug's eyes nearly bulged out of his head, he was clearly not expecting him to relent. But then again, you weren't either.

You pulled it from your pocket, dropping it into his open hand -careful not to touch him, you couldn't do that to yourself.

"Ladybug," you spoke, motioning for him to follow, "-Let's go. We'll tell Maria on the way."

He did as such, giving the gun back to Lemon, and slowly following you out of the door -back turned to the outside, keeping watch.

"Did you-" Tangerine interrupted, stalling the two of you in your path -your heartbeat quickened in your chest, as he turned to look at you, only you, "-Did you know Butterfly?"

"Everyone knows Butterfly," Ladybug responded, "-she's a legend, even for our agency."

He didn't react to his response, only solidly looking at you, Lemon too. You felt like every move you made was outing you, revealing you. That they would realize and hate you and never understand-

"I never knew her personally," you answered, swallowing, "-Just... Just stories."

And with that, you spun on your heel and walked out the door -Ladybug following dutifully behind. You felt their eyes on you every step until you turned back around in the elevator.

You didn't do a job for quite awhile after that. Ladybug, following your lead, took a break too -said something about meditating. You didn't listen, you couldn't.

All you could see was that charm hanging on his necklace -right next to his heart. Did Lemon have your knife? Did they split them?

The next few months were boring, Maria kept calling you and you kept telling her you were okay, you just needed some time. She even sent Ladybug on you a couple of times, but even he could tell you weren't at your best. He just kept recommending things his therapist said, you appreciated it, really, even though it didn't help at all.

When you finally got back to work, Maria sent you as a solo -Ladybug was something you had to limit after a while. All you had to do was get a package before it was delivered, simple.

You didn't know why god seemed to hate you.

You were posed as a delivery truck driver, you even had the truck, the outfit, and the lift. It was something you genuinely enjoyed and everything should've gone perfectly.

It should have been as easy as walking in and walking back out.

That was not the case.

You arrived at the hotel lobby, dressed in the uniform and smiling at the front desk. Politely asking for the boxes you needed, something about office supplies or pillows or something. The hotel had too much of it. All you had to do, was get the package and sneak it in with the others.

"Can I run to your bathroom?" You asked with a smile -you had to get out of the lobby somehow.

"Of course," she smiled, bright and beautiful, "-There's one down that hallway and to the right."

You followed those directions, and then decisively took off into the bathroom -despite it not being a part of the plan. Somewhere in the back of your head, you noted that someone was definitely following you. It was a shadow in the back of your eye, but you still saw it.

So when the door opened behind you, you raised your fist and-

Stopped.

Tangerine stood there, eyes wide as your fist was mere inches from his face. He was wearing a coat, maybe like a trenchcoat, that was brown and gave his whole outfit something entirely different.

"What the hell?" You hissed out, lowering your fist, "-What are you doing here? Following me?"

Tangerine seemed to pause for a moment, before wiping his hand over his mouth, "I'm stayin' 'ere, saw ya out in the lobby. This isn't... It's not a job. I'm not 'ere to... to hurt you."

"Did you just want to say hi?!" You asked, sarcastically -this could not be happening again, "-Last time I saw you, you had a gun pointed at my head. Forgive me for being afraid."

He licked his lips, and you noticed it then, something was very off. He wasn't angry, no, he looked exhausted like he hadn't slept in days; his eyes were red and puffy like he had been crying. Had he been crying?

"Um," you started, trying to act normal, "-is everything okay...?"

"Tangerine," he finished for you.

"Beetle," you offered in response, before repeating, "-Seriously, is everything okay? Should I call your... your partner?"

"You knew 'er," he interrupted, voice worn.

"Knew who?" You questioned, squeezing your nails into your palm -you knew where this was going.

"Butterfly," he clarified, "-you fuckin' knew 'er, you had to."

"Look, Tangerine," you replied, "-I already told you-"

He interrupted you again, quietly letting out a wet sort of chuckle, "You even say it like 'er."

"Say what?"

"My name," he bit at his lip, gnawing at it, really, "-you say it the exact same way, and I... I fuckin' remember that, so you knew 'er."

You were speechless for a moment, before settling yourself -trying to stay away from this, "Do... Do you need to talk for a minute? Or?"

"Are you 'er brother?" He asked, something heavy in his gaze, "-It's the only solution I can think of, and it's drivin' me fuckin' mad. I have to know-"

"Why would I say I don't know her if I'm her brother?"

"I don't fuckin' know," he breathed out, hands running through his hair, "-are you afraid of the White Death? What he... he did to 'er? He's dead, very dead. You can say you know 'er-"

"But, I don't," you offered, a little weaker.

"You do," he replied simply, "-you fuckin' 'ave to, you look just like 'er. You can't- I can't... Just tell me the truth."

"I'm not her brother," you repeated, it was the only thing you could say.

"Did she ever say anythin' about me? About... About Lemon?" He continued, his voice scratchy and eyes blinking so fast you knew he was holding back tears -your stomach churned.

"Tangerine," you sighed out, "-I don't know what to-"

He interrupted you again, hand pulling on his necklace, the charm, "'s hers, you were starin' at it the other day. 'Was her bracelet, but I think ya know 'at."

"Look," you swallowed, heavily, "-I can't do this now, I'm on a job. We can talk later, though, if you need to."

You ended up finding the box in ten minutes and leaving without another word.

By the time, you were ready for missions again -you were half convinced you wanted to just go back to the cabin, and live your life there. Away from mustaches and feelings and fear, you could enjoy yourself -listen to birds, observe nature, even.

Maria even offered it, after the last trip, she'd smiled at you in the solemn way she did and offered you the home back, the life back.

You thoroughly debated it for a few days but wanted to feel like yourself again and this was the closest you'd get, ever.

You loved him, and this was the closest thing you'd get to him. It was all you had.

Even if he did love you, you were... different now and you couldn't imagine that would be okay with him. You didn't let yourself.

The next time you saw the twins, you decided to embrace it -try and be as close as you could. If they figured it out and left you in the dust, so be it. You wanted them in your life.

It was another solo mission, Ladybug was in one of those 'I'm going to quit and move to Costa Rico' phases of his career and you didn't exactly want to cozy up with anybody else.

Maria understood, and sent you alone.

It was a hit, some guy with a big life insurance policy -his wife hired you, apparently. He was a loner, and didn't go much of anywhere, so you were to stage a robbery and simply kill him in the kerfuffle. Or, at least make it look like that.

The job was so easy that you'd taken to the city afterward -you wanted to live a normal life for a minute, and after it all, you ended up in a bar. A sort of quiet one with a wooden bar and dim lights -the only people in there being men watching football games, and even they did say much of a word.

It was calm, peaceful.

You heard the door jingle, you knew the sound but assumed it was a normal person -sipping on your drink in your booth alone, away from prying eyes. You didn't exactly want any company, not really, but you ended up with some.

The steps of fancy shoes, it was ingrained in your brain, only getting louder -you thought maybe someone was going to sit close to you. Until they abruptly stopped at your side, you promptly turned your head -eyes peering over your drink.

Tangerine stood there in much better shape, blue eyes focused gently onto you (not red and puffy) and hair perfectly gelled back. He was wearing the blue suit that matched his eyes really well -you'd told him it was his best one once.

"Tangerine," you hummed, sipping your drink, "-weird seeing you here."

He paused, eyes flicking over you for a moment -maybe taking in your outfit, just the same as you did. Before muttering out, "'Ere's a safe house nearby, me and Lemon are stayin' 'ere."

You knew that one, the three of you stayed there a couple of times but then again, where hadn't the three of you stayed?

You pondered over that for a moment, before speaking, "You can sit down, you know, I won't bite."

He seemed to tense up.

"Unless you do," you clarified with a bit of a smile, "-in which I retract my statement."

His lips quirked for a second, as he slid into the booth across from you, "'M off the clock."

"Ah," you nodded your head, "-lucky for you, me too."

"Lucky for me?" He asked, it all seemed so natural -you knew he'd ask questions about it later.

"I'm a good fight," you shrugged, "-what can I say?"

"I imagine," he laughed, and something in your chest swirled -you missed that.

He sat in silence for a moment, tapping his fingers against the table, as you messed with the napkin you had. It wasn't uncomfortable, not really, (you didn't think it would ever be) but there was still something hanging over the two of you.

"Look," he said, suddenly, "-about the other day. I'm sorry, I was... I was in a really bad fuckin' place. Just brought up some memories... I didn't mean to-"

"Relax, Tangerine," you sighed, something bubbling up your throat, "-I know what it feels like when you've seen a ghost."

Something in you twisted, tired, and thinking you were lying. God, you were lying to him. But you couldn't chance losing him again, you didn't want him to hate you. Force himself out of your life, his choice.

Not yours. It was selfish, you knew that much.

"They treat ya well?" He asked, and you tilted your head, "-Your agency? I had a friend... switched over, so..."

"Very well," you hummed, "-My handler is... she understands my breaks."

"You had a break?"

"Long time ago," you spoke, vaguely -you couldn't be specific, "-stayed in a cabin, lived normal for awhile."

He leaned back into the booth, something in him curious, you could see it, "How was it?"

"Boring," you decided.

"Yeah," he murmured, "-always thought it fuckin' would be."

You took a leap then, even if the answer would hurt. You wanted to know.

"You ever thought about it?"

"Bein' normal?" He clarified -eyes smooth over your face.

You nodded, finishing your drink -he seemed to notice, and you half thought he'd offer you to get another.

"Yeah," he breathed out -not matching your eyes now, something heavy on his shoulders, "-once a long fuckin' time ago. But... things change."

You wondered if it was because of you -that one night. If he wanted that with you-

He wouldn't anymore, your mind chimed -stinging under your skin, you are different. So is he.

Timing would never be right, it made your lips snap shut anytime you thought of telling him. The idea that he had loved you then, and now... now he wouldn't. That was worse than him hating you for life, just not... just not loving you anymore.

You swallowed, thick -you wanted to know more, but you couldn't just say that, "That they do."

He paused for a moment, before sliding out of the booth, "I 've to go, Lemon's waitin' on me."

You nodded your head, toying with your glass -eyes slinking across the rim, something in you disappointed. Something in you wanted him to stay, but that wasn't going to happen. You couldn't have him.

Not now.

"Beetle," he spoke, slow and measured, "-'S nice talkin' to ya. Maybe we can catch up again when we aren't at each other's fuckin' throats, yeah?"

"Yeah," you agreed, the tips of your mouth turning up just a little, "-I'd be alright with that."

You started seeing Tangerine every once in a while, strange little cafés and dimly lit bars. You didn't know how he always ended up in the area with you or close by, but it felt familiar. Like when the two of them would follow you into jobs, even when you said you'd be fine because they wanted you to be okay. Just in case. You supposed now that they actually had something to worry about.

That led you to now, you laid on the tile of a building -head pounding and the lights blinding. You had successfully cleared it and killed your hit, but someone had snuck up on you -gun drawn, they took a cheap shot.

"Maria," you breathed out, "-Maria, come in."

"Beetle? Everything alright?"

"They got a cheap shot in-" you hummed, "-I think in my chest? It hurts to breathe-"

"Okay, alright. I'll see who's around you, okay?"

"I think I can walk-"

"Don't move, keep your hands on the wound. What floor are you on?"

"Second," you faltered out a breath -a sting in your lungs, even still you shifted putting all your weight on your hands, "-shit, never get used to that."

"Never will."

You laughed, leaning your head back down against the tile -it was cold against your skin. You felt like you were burning alive, so it was actually a little refreshing.

The lights above you hurt your eyes, but it was easier to breathe this way. Inhale, exhale -a sting, inhale, exhale -a sting.

You imagined for a second this was years ago, that you were actually dying then. The twins would come rushing in, burst through the doors, and Lemon would be darting all over you -trying to figure it out. And Tangerine... Tangerine would grab your face and keep you awake -soft words but every once in a while shaking you to keep you awake. You wouldn't have been able to die then, not with them there -trying to help. You supposed you could die now, bleed out on a tile floor alone or with someone you didn't even know.

This dream of it being Tangerine and Lemon, that was something you could live for -you could almost see it in your head.

And then you heard it, a door busting open and fancy shoes clattering down the hallway -like yours that made you feel like a prick. You wondered if you got the idea of them from Tangerine, he surely owned so many pairs-

"Shit," there was a voice then, and your eyes snapped to the source.

Oh, I'm definitely hallucinating.

Tangerine stood over you before falling to his knees, mumbling -frustrated, "I just fuckin' knew it was you."

"Am I..." you spoke, breathlessly, "-Am I hallucinating?"

"What do you think I am? A fuckin' angel?" Something in your mind answered yes, "-Hate to break it to you, love, but it's just me."

"How the hell were you around here?"

"A job," he said, a little too quickly -it was suspicious.

"Lying-" you slurred out, "-I can tell you're lying."

Tangerine didn't say anything in response, ignoring it, "'S your chest, yeah?"

"Yeah," you hummed, "-where I'm holding."

"Alright," he breathed out, "-alright. Don't stop holdin' it, okay? Keep your hand 'ere."

"How am I gonna move?"

He rolled his eyes, "Can't give me an inch of fuckin' trust, can ya?"

"Sure, I can," you breathed out, flinching slightly, "-just tell me your plan."

He let out a chuckle, before without warning -slipping his arms under your knees and back. The movement jostled you a little and it hurt -you hissed out.

"Sorry, love," he echoed out, softer than you expected, "-'s the only way to get ya out of 'ere."

"I know," you exhaled, "-I know. Keep going."

It felt like you hadn't even blinked before he was pattering out of the building -he was going so fast. Your head was spinning now, but you were still conscious.

"Shit," you heard Lemon, as Tangerine slipped you into the backseat, laying you across the seats -head first, "-a bullet?"

"Fucking cheap shot," you breathed out, "-Killed a whole building full of people and some asshole came up behind me and shot me-"

Lemon seemed to laugh slightly at your frustration; it made you feel a little lighter.

Tangerine shut the door and you waited for him to slip into the passenger seat. You were getting tired, you just wanted to bandage it up and go to whatever hotel was open.

Instead, Tangerine slipped into the side with your head -carefully lifting it and setting you back down onto his lap. You froze -his cologne surrounding your head so much it made you woozy. Why had he done that?

"Stay awake, yeah?" He spoke, breaths raggedy -he really must've been going fast, "Beetle, do you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah," you swallowed, the smooth cushion of his suit pants was tempting, but the situation you currently were in kept you awake. Your heart was pounding, your brain spinning, you were so close.

You'd been closer, but that was over 4 years ago. Even further when his hands made their way to your face and hair -trying to keep you awake. It worked very, very well.

Had he ever held your face before?

Something in you said no, but it could've happened. You were also so close and any time you got injured he'd always wanted to see it for himself. He usually refused to leave until he took care of it himself, with gentle hands. Whose to say you hadn't gotten a cut on your face?

Why did it feel so different now?

You looked up at him, just for a spare second -you saw his hand run through his hair, unveiling the curls by the second. You'd always liked his curls, when he'd shown you his natural hair -it was all soft and bouncy. It wasn't good for his image, you totally understood.

He's nervous, your mind chimed, does he care about you like this too?

You slapped away the thought and decidedly started staring up at the plush ceiling -this car was definitely expensive, you knew that much. The cushion on the seats, the detailing, the roof, the speed-

This thing had to be stolen.

"Ya alright, love?"

You swallowed and met his eyes, big blue blinking down at you and you could see it, the concern. Since when was he concerned for you? This you? Something had changed at some point and you didn't even notice.

"I've been shot," you retorted, obviously, "-I'm currently bleeding out on your fancy seats."

"That's not-" he huffed out, pinching the bridge of his nose -you couldn't hold back the grin on your lips.

Lemon laughed from the front, "'Give 'im a real run for his money, you know 'at, Beetle?"

"I try my best."

Lemon laughed again, and something in your chest felt lighter -you had missed them, so much. All those years at that fucking cabin, you had missed out on them, on knowing them, watching them, being with them.

God, you regretted everything then, but it was for the best. It kept them safe.

"Seriously," his voice was lower now but still so pointed, "-are you alright?"

You blinked away the fog of tears in your eyes, not now, and nodded, "Yeah, yeah. I'm alright."

The ride was short after that, it was wordless. Even though you think Tangerine wanted to say more, he didn't pry. Which you thought was very strange because he's Tangerine (he prods and pokes until you're set on murdering him) but you were literally bleeding out, so maybe it was courtesy.

You didn't have the heart to think it was anything else.

The twins brought you up the stairs, each taking a shoulder, and although it wasn't as dizzying as before when Tangerine had physically held you... It still was overwhelming.

These guys were like your family. You hadn't been this close to them in years.

"Alright, I'm assumin' you got the wounds?" Lemon asked, directed at Tangerine.

With a succinct nod, Lemon spun back around in the doorway -talking as he walked out, "'M off to get some food, don't bite each other's heads off, yeah? I'd hate to clean up the mess, personally-"

And then he was gone. You were currently sitting on a stool, hand still pressed intently into your chest, as Tangerine gathered up what medical supplies they had. Which was a lot, actually.

You spoke before you could think about it, "You know I can do this myself, right?"

"God, you've got quite the fuckin' head, don't ya?"

"You're one to talk," you replied.

Tangerine pursed his lips, in a way you could tell he was hiding a smile, before his eyes drifted to the ground for a moment. He didn't respond immediately, thinking on it.

And even when he brought everything onto the counter, he didn't say anything. It wasn't until he stood in front of you, nearly in between your legs as you sat on the stool.

"Just let me help you, yeah?"

Your eyes flickered over him, trying to read him but all you could get was -please. Almost like a desperation to help you, like he'd wanted to do this not just offering it-

"Yeah, okay," you responded softly.

"Shirt off," he quickly spoke -right to business, reaching over to the counter to grab what he needed.

You swallowed, you still weren't used to that. Taking your shirt off in front of people, off the top of your head you couldn't think of anyone who had seen your scars. Your top surgery scars. They were very obvious, right in the middle of your chest, and unavoidable. Did you want him to see them?

"Can't I just..." you started, "-unbutton the bottom?"

Tangerine turned back to you then, furrowing his eyebrows, "The gunshots in the middle of your chest, love, it'd be fuckin' half on anyway. Just take it off."

You frowned.

"No judgment here," he put his hands in the air, "-I couldn't care fuckin' less what your chest looks like, personally."

You licked your teeth and swallowed, before unbuttoning the dress shirt, slowly, but keeping it solidly on your shoulders. Kind of like how the men in cologne ads looked, with their opened-up shirts and the epitome of masculinity-

He didn't say a word, but you saw his eyes flicker over them -almost like he was noting it in his head before he switched his attention to the wound. He promptly dabbed it with an alcohol soaked cotton ball, and you nearly bit through your lip.

"Warn a guy, will you?"

Tangerine didn't even look up, "If that hurt, you're gonna have a fuckin' problem later, love."

"I've been stitched up before," you clarified, "-I'm not a newbie."

"Might as well be, yeah?" He hummed, tossing the cotton ball in the trash -flawlessly making it in (how does he even exist?), "-With your break."

"How do you know it was a long one?"

"I've never fuckin' heard of you," Tangerine explained, "-Ladybug's never heard of you and you're a part of his agency-" he dabbed another one over your wound, "-Must've been a long break."

He had a good point.

"Why are you so interested anyway?" You asked, quirking a brow, "-Plus, there are other agencies, how do you know I didn't come from one of them?"

"You're too good to 'ave," he replied, simply.

You fell silent, something stirring in your stomach -was that the first time he'd ever complimented you? Beetle you? Huh.

"Wow," you hummed, "-you can be nice. Who knew?"

"You're soundin' like fuckin' Lemon now," he groaned, before taking the needle from the counter.

"Lemon's smart then," you diverted your eyes -never could stand looking at being stitched up.

Tangerine rolled his eyes, and you looked back up to the ceiling -a smile ghosting onto your lips. Not that you'd ever let him see.

It went fairly smoothly, his hands made quick work of it and even quicker with the wound on your back (the bullet had gone right through your chest, luckily not hitting anything). Nothing happened, you were worried about nothing. He was Tangerine-

Just as you had started buttoning your shirt back up (you started from the bottom to the top), Tangerine froze.

Without a word, he walked closer to you -tilting your chin up with the ease of a finger and looking under it on your chest. You froze, his skin on yours was still something you couldn't deal with.

"Where'd you get 'at one?"

Fuck.

You knew what he was talking about immediately. It was a scar, just above your heart. You'd been stabbed on the job, and Lemon had fucked up your stitches so it had healed weird -came out curved somehow.

And then Tangerine was so paranoid that you showed him because he needed to know you were okay -it was so close to your heart.

"You almost fuckin' died, Butterfly. One inch down and..."

It was a one-of-a-kind scar. At the time, it didn't matter but now? You knew Tangerine could recognize that scar anywhere.

"Tangerine," you spoke out, measured. You tried to keep your voice calm, maybe you could save this-

He stepped back, eyes making contact with yours -they darted between them for a moment and then back to the scar, and then to your top surgery scars. You could see the wheels turning in his head, and everything in your body was screaming-

"Tangerine, listen-"

That was enough, something in him stiffened and he grabbed his coat off the back of the couch.

"Tangerine," you echoed out, but you knew it was no use now.

He didn't say a word, slipping it on and with the fastest steps you'd ever seen in your life, he disappeared out the door and slammed it shut.

The walls shook after.

You swallowed dryly, tears pricking at your eyes -this was never supposed to happen. This was never supposed to happen-

Your hand was on your com before you could even think about it, breaths shuddering out of your chest -sobs breaking in the back of your throat. You tried to stop it, hold it all back-

"Beetle? Hello? I see your com is on, everything alright?"

"They know," you whispered, nearly silent -tears streaming down your face.

"Who knows what?"

"The twins, they were... they were the ones nearby," you started, and your voice cracked, "-Tangerine offered to stitch me up and I have a scar-"

"Beetle, slow down. I can't understand you."

"They know who I am, Maria," you breathed out, tears catching in your throat, "-Tangerine knows and he's going to tell Lemon, and I don't know what the hell to do-"

"Beetle, breathe."

"He left," you echoed out, and you were crying -god it had been so long since you cried, "-he left, Maria. He didn't even say anything-"

"It's a lot to take in. Give him the benefit of the doubt."

"He's gone," you swallowed, "-I know it, Maria."

"You know him. Do you really think he's gone?"

You thought back to the pendant on his necklace -the butterfly, your butterfly.

"I don't..." you started, "-I don't know."

"Just wait, if nobody comes back... Give me a call, alright? I'll send a car your way."

So, you did.

You waited, buttoned your shirt back up, tried to wash the stain, and waited. You ended up flicking through TV shows, and smushed into the couch, waiting. Even thought about ordering your own food, but a part of you wanted to be sure that Lemon wasn't coming back.

After about two hours of waiting, you swallowed down the tears -eyes all red and puffy, and started gathering up your stuff. You accepted it now, you'd never see them again.

It was your decision, you would regret it for as long as you lived. Something in your chest heavy and exhausted, you readied yourself to call Maria back.

Just as your finger was about to touch the com, there was a jingle of some keys outside the door. You froze in place, slipping on one of your shoes without another thought -ready to leave. You knew he'd ask you.

The door slowly opened, and Tangerine peered inside -he looked worse for wear and you think if you focused hard enough you could see blood on his knuckles. You wouldn't ask, not now.

His blue eyes flicked over you, to your shoes and your coat all gathered up on your arms, he gnawed at his lip for a moment.

"Where the fuck are you goin'?

It was all harsh edges and sharp points, it made you bring up your own barriers.

"I'm leaving," you answered, straightening your posture and putting on your other shoe.

Tangerine didn't move for a moment, as you slowly made your way to the door -footsteps echoing in the heaviest silence you'd ever experienced in your life.

Just before you got there, Tangerine stepped in front of the door -something in his eyes heavy.

"Tangerine," you sighed, "-let me go."

"No," he answered simply, eyes meeting yours and you saw now, they were red and puffy too, "-hell no."

"Look, I really don't want to-" you started before briefly rubbing your temples, "-you want me to leave, just let me leave."

"Who the fuck said 'at?"

You tilted your head.

"Why would I want you to leave?" He furrowed his eyebrows, still angry, "-You... I just got you back, why the fuck would I want you to leave?"

"I lied to you, Tan," you breathed out, and something caught in your throat, "-I lied to you for years."

"You're fuckin' alive-" Tangerine exhaled, chuckling a little in disbelief, "-I have so many questions, yeah? That is far, so fuckin' far, from wantin' you to leave."

"Tangerine," you spoke, voice shaky, you just wanted to go. It would be so much easier if you just left-

He paused for a second, "Are you fuckin' listenin' to me?"

"I am," you replied, tears rising to the backs of your eyes, "-I just can't..."

"Love," he grabbed your wrist, something softer, gentler, "-Love, look at me, please."

You swallowed your tears and with a big breath, you looked at him. His eyes were always so very blue, but something about them then was vulnerable. Broken wide open, Tangerine sat in front of you.

"I want ya to stay, yeah?" He breathed out, wiping over his mouth, "-I want you to stay."

You pursed your lips, trying so hard not to cry -you shouldn't be the one crying, "Okay."

"Now," he sighed out, a little lighter, "-fuckin' sit down, you shouldn't aggravate the wound."

You wordlessly sat down on the far edge of the couch, closest to the door. Your hands were shaking, so you laid them flat on your lap -trying to calm down.

He wants you to stay.

"You said-" he started, his voice getting caught up in his mouth, "-You said you were in a cabin, yeah? Where?"

You opened your mouth, confused, "Why does that matter? You have... I lied to you for years and that’s your first question?"

He was standing up, pacing, and then suddenly stopped. He looked up at the ceiling for a moment blinking.

"You know, when they told us you were... dead," he echoed out -something caught in his throat, "-they didn't have a body? All we had was-"

His hand went to his necklace putting the pendant in between his fingers, "All we had was your things, there was no fuckin' body-"

"What does this have to do with-"

"I looked for you," he finally said, "-everywhere I went for a job, I fuckin' looked for you. Because if there wasn't a body, you could still be-"

He fell silent, for a moment -swallowing, eyes swimming over you like he couldn't believe it, "...alive."

"So," he continued, clearing his throat, "-I want to know where the fuck you were. 'At fair?"

Your mouth snapped shut - he looked for you? For how long? That wasn't important now though.

"Alaska," you answered, wiping at your eyes, "-small town, in the middle of nowhere. I had... I had an alias."

"Fuckin' Alaska," he muttered, under his breath.

"It was cold all the time," you added -a bit awkwardly, "-snowed nearly everyday."

Tangerine scanned over your face, maybe like he was trying to imagine you there, alone in the cabin. Or maybe, you out in the snow.

"That day..." he started slow, "-did you fight it? When you were told what you... what you had to do, did you fight it?"

"What are you asking?"

"Did you even think about telling us? Or, or-" he swallowed and his voice was husky and his eyes were bleary, "-coming back to us?"

"Tangerine," you echoed out, emotionless -trying to reign it in, "-I didn't have a choice. You know that."

"I know," he agreed, "-but did you fuckin' try?"

"You think-" you exhaled out, tears gathering in your eyes now, "-You think I didn't try to say goodbye? That I didn't beg Maria to change her mind? That I didn't tell her you guys would keep the secret-"

"Beetle-"

"-just so I could stay?"

"Beetle, I didn't..."

"I did," you swallowed, "-I did beg. It didn't work. If I... If you would've known, we both would've been in too much danger. I couldn't risk it."

"The White Death, yeah?" He clarified, and he was closer to you then he was before. His fingers kept twitching like he wanted to do something.

"He was after me," you hummed, "-knew where I was, where you were, where Lemon was."

"I just-" he started, "-I don't fuckin' get why... after you- After the White Death was killed, why didn't you- why didn't you come back? Tell us?"

"It's... complicated."

"Why?" he stressed out, "Why was it complicated? You were alive, and I don't know about Lemon, but, personally, I would've loved to fuckin' know 'at."

"Tangerine," you started, "-I'm different now, and you guys... you grieved me. How was I supposed to come back from that?"

"I don't give a flyin' fuck 'at you're a man," he interrupted, "-I just wish you would've felt comfortable enough to tell me- tell us earlier."

"Tangerine," you could feel the tears in your eyes.

"And we grieved you, yeah, but-" he explained, messing with his hands for a moment, "-knowing you're alive? That you were fuckin' breathin'? The grieving... It wouldn't 'ave fuckin' mattered, love."

"It would have," you stopped him, "-you thought I was dead-"

"Love," he suddenly sat by your side, gently holding your wrists in place, "-listen to me for once, yeah?"

You nodded, wordlessly, tears slipping down your face, this was guilt you were holding onto for years.

Without hesitating, Tangerine gently started swiping them away with his thumbs, "I thought I was in a world without fuckin' you. Lovely, annoying, beautiful fuckin' you."

You opened your mouth, but he merely continued.

"I couldn't imagine my life without ya in it, and then suddenly it was the fuckin' life I was livin'," he sighed out, eyes matching yours and hands cradling your jaw, "-you being alive changes fuckin' everythin'."

"Why?" You offered, eyes scattering between his -looking for an answer.

He paused for a moment, before dropping his hands, pushing his hair back for a moment, and swallowing. It was like he was readying himself.

"Lemon used to tell me that I was stupid," he finally said.

"Doesn't he always?" You furrowed your eyebrows.

He smiled a little bit, before grabbing one of your hands with his and fidgeting with your fingers -kind of like he just needed to be close to you, "Right, yeah. But this... He told me 'at one day I would regret not tellin' you."

"Telling me what?"

"When you... when you died, I realized the idiot was fuckin' right," he hummed out, a sob catching in his throat but he just kept talking, "-and then, I met a fuckin' self-righteous bloke who had the nerve to dare me to shoot 'im. Looked me right in the eyes."

"Tangerine-"

"And then the guy kept showin' up, and I kept seein' 'im and it was the always same back and forth," he continued, tracing along the creases of your palm, "-but at some point I started thinkin' that I wouldn't shoot 'im, even if he asked."

You laughed.

A smile flickered across his face at the noise, but he kept his eyes downward, "And then, I see 'im bloody and hurtin'. And I think back to the first time, when I didn't say it and if now I wasn't gonna be fuckin' able to-"

You raised an eyebrow.

"And then they dared to be the same fuckin' person."

"Tangerine," you asked, "-what the hell are you talking about?"

It was then that he finally looked up, and then you realized how close his face was to yours. You feel the puffs of his breath against your skin, and it made your head fuzzy. Your thoughts became blurry and all you could see was him-

Tangerine. Tangerine. Tangerine-

"I really don't give a fuck 'at you're a man," he repeated, blue eyes laser focused on yours.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "What the hell does that-"

His eyes dipped down to your lips.

Oh.

"Really?"

"Not a flyin' fuck," he echoed out.

You smiled, before letting your own eyes drift -just for a second. It was like a confirmation, a consent.

Before you could say another word, his hands reached up to grab your face and bring your lips to his. It was all force, desperate, like you were oxygen and he just wanted to breathe-

But somehow still gentle, holding you -fingers rubbing along your face like he was reminding himself you were there. That you were alive. That you were sitting there beside him breathing. It made sense now, all of it.

The grieving didn't matter because you were alive.

He finally separated, keeping his forehead on yours for a split second -staring into your eyes and huffing out breaths.

He kept you there, until it felt like you couldn't breathe -he stole all of it away.

When there was a knock on the door.

Then, there was another knock.

He groaned, throwing his head back -decidedly not letting you go.

"What do you fuckin' want, Lemon?"

"No way to treat someone who got you food," he chastised, "-you 'ave the keys, let me in."

"Come back in ten minutes," Tangerine answered -eyes solidly on yours, you felt frozen in your seat.

"The food's gonna get cold, mate," Lemon retorted, "-don't ya want it warm? I worked hard to get it, ya know? The closest restaurant was like a fuckin' block away-"

"Ten minutes," Tangerine repeated.

"I'm not fuckin' leaving," Lemon started again, "-it's cold out 'ere. You gonna leave your brother out in the fuckin' cold-"

"Fuckin' go, Lemon," Tangerine groaned out.

"Fine," he breathed out, "-keep snoggin', but don't fuckin' complain if I eat some of your food."

Yeah, you really missed this.

"We won't," you chimed in with a smile.

Tangerine smiled at you like you held the sun.

#tangerine bullet train #bullet train #tangerine x reader #tangerine x y/n #tangerine x you #tan's things #tangerine #tangerine bt oneshot #he/him reader #trans male! reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA for vaguely coming out to my boyfriend's aunt at Thanksgiving?

As you can probably guess my bf and I are a gay couple. There was a mostly unspoken - just bc it didn't need to be spoken - agreement that we'd be acting like we were just good friends at his family's Thanksgiving bc they're Catholic and he's generally just not ready to be out.

It was just me, him, his parents, and his visiting aunt... who was decidedly very butch. Like undeniably. There's the standard old-lady-with-short-hair look but then there was this genuinely bulky rural woman who is unmarried at 60, never had kids, and outright told me that her friends essentially called her a masc name AND that she was here instead of home bc the "close friend" she usually spends holidays with passed away this year. It all just added up like crazy. Idk if my bf's parents have put it together themselves and/or if they just ignore it or what, and actually even my bf denied it when I first brought it up but I think he's just struggling to reconcile his upbringing with who he is and whatnot.

Anyway, that last part about the aunt's likely partner was during a private moment between the two of us, and it really sealed it for me. I started to offer condolensces and she immediately changed the subject to ask about the "close friendship" between me and my bf-- plausibly innocently, but I just felt it was right and I more or less confessed to her that I had really strong feelings for him.

And that's ALL i confessed. I didn't actually say we were dating. I just alluded strongly to the like, "we are the same" type vibes and that her nephew is like, my dream man. I didn't imply anything about his sexuality. For all she knows, I have unrequited feelings for him or something. And I know she's definitely gay herself now with how she reacted, AND she made it pretty clear she wasn't gonna tell her brother or his wife. She's chill.

So the issue is that I recently told my bf about this, knowing he would at least be upset that I didn't tell him sooner. And I'm totally ready to accept the flack for being a coward about the honestly on that part. I figured he really ought to know about his aunt, if nothing else. But he's also upset that I said anything to her of that nature at all. He insists it's the principle of the thing, that the lack of consequences mean nothing and that I should have just assumed the worst and been more careful, etc. And like, I did feel a little bad about my big fucking mouth in the moment, but ultimately it felt like a nice and important moment of connection. But WAS I the asshole for not being more careful? Like really?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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lightlycareless · 6 months

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but what reaction would the zenins have , especially naoaki 😳🤯 with the babies

Hi!!! I'm going with the twin girls au :> although these can be in general 🤔

Off we go to the reactions from the rest of the estate.

Being real, I think most of the clan would not like the fact that the heir had two girls to begin with. However, since Naoya and Y/N are known for being strong sorcerers by themselves, it was only natural that their kids would inherit those talents.

However, they'd still find a way to make them feel less, either by giving backhanded compliments, or voicing how a "son" would've been much better.

Naoya would immediately shut down those comments. We're talking about a man that has now learned how wrong his family is (in more ways than one) and having suffered from similar comments in the past, understands all too well how hurtful they could be, so he tries to shield his children the best he can.

As for reactions, let me put it like this:

Mai and Maki would love your kids, cause they love you very much :> there's no denying that. Would play with them as often as possible, they're like (are) the cool aunts. SPECIALLY if they're girl twins like them, it's probably the first time they ever felt happy with being twins I reckon.

Junko, Mai and Maki's mom, would keep her distance. It's not like she dislikes the kids, she just feels uncomfortable—however, she would like to watch the babies from time to time, silently gush at how adorable they are and remind her of when her daughters were babies too.

Ogi couldn't care less—in fact, I think he'd hate them just because they're a reminder of what he could've had, but didn't. No one allows him to get close to the kids, not even his wife.

Jinichi is in complete awe that Naoya would want to have kids in the first place, but not surprised that he went through with it. He's very precise when it comes those things, and from there he'll just stare at him and you whenever interacting with the kids—idk, he still doesn't believe it's happening. I guess in my mind he never considered that his family would want to have kids (Toji is like the prime example of that)

Naobito is... idk. He never really cared about having kids, so anything about lineage and whatnot is irrelevant to him, but I guess that in the deep confines of his mind he likes the fact of having grandchildren. Specially if they're strong, he'd be very proud of them, show off that they're related to him and whatnot. Do not expect him to be involved, and honestly? You and Naoya are kind of happy he isn't.

As for Naoaki, Naoya's oldest brother... he'd be shocked that the two eventually made amends, enough to have a family together. He just never thought the two were each other's type, or that it was in Naoya's plans to become a father. But it happened, and he just keeps his distance as well. Maybe he hoped he'd be that man, the one to have your kids or something, who knows. Either way, in the short moments he'll be able to see the kid, he'll note that they look like you, as maybe even hope that they act like you too. This whole situation is 100% the reason he stops talking to you all together. It's the official closure of that chapter.

And I don't think I'm missing any other relevant character :> I'd say that most of Naoya's brother would be somewhat confused that Naoya is possible of having adorable children or something hahaha although everyone thinks it's thanks to your genes 😂

Thank you so much for indulging me with this ask!! I want more baby stuff :') I'll see what I can write.

Have a wonderful week, take care, and hope to see you soon!!

#ask #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

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self-indulgent-paw-patrol · 21 days

Text

Y'all want my hot take on why we didn't have a Marshall movie for the second movie, but this time not focusing my answer on Skye?

THEY WERE AFRAID OF AUDIENCE REACTION.

No, really.

Marshall is a fan favorite, NOT ONLY AMONG KIDS - they gotta please the kids parents and relatives too, it's the parents and relatives who will spend their fortunes on buying Paw Patrol merchandise for their kids and throwing birthday parties with custom "I'm the Paw Patrol kid's dad/mom" matching shirts.

THEY KNOW IT'S NOT ONLY KIDS WATCHING THEIR SHOW AND MOVIES, heck they're all adults working there and you need TO LOVE kids stuff to create and/or work on GOOD kids animations. And EVEN MORE NOW after the Mighty Movie, they KNOW two things:

1- The younger kids might not care MUCH, but the older ones will and the percentage of adults that follow the show will as well: Everyone who loves Marshall will NOT be satisfied with just anything.

Usually the people who work on movies are not all the same from the show, so both things can run and get produced without interfering with each other. The people working in the movies are bound to know how the audience is reacting to the show in order to get things done okay in the movies as well, or at least do whatever they can do under what orders they receive.

They know people have been unhappy about Marshall being put more in the sidelines, they know people are unhappy with how they're following orders to give Skye more spotlight in the show which means she's been doing rescues that usually would be more suited for Marshall. It's like she's pushing Marshall to the sidelines. I don't even remember when was the last time I saw Marshall work as EMT and I don't remember last time I even saw his Ambulance in the show (I'm currently at the beginning of 7th season). They might even know how people miss Marshall's interactions with other pups, especially with Chase, as in the beginning they were portrayed as best friends, playing together, doing things together, and now it's like they're all just coworkers. My guess on that is because they're avoiding situations that can be used for shipping characters XD Given the whole issue with ideologies and whatnot now, I wouldn't be surprised they're avoiding anything remotely close to that.

They know people are unhappy and wish for Marshall to get his spotlight back.

2- THEY KNOW WE'RE UNHAPPY WITH HOW MARSHALL HAS BEEN PORTRAYED IN BOTH MOVIES SO FAR. Especially the whole issue about his clumsiness, which is barely hinted at in the movies, even if we see a lot about it in the show. Not to mention how it's treated mostly as "natural clumsiness", things that could have happened to literally ANY of the other pups, not because of his "clumsy condition". I mean, tripping while dancing, yeah, that's normal. Getting startled when a hologram shows up in your face? Any of them could have gotten startled outta their fur at that. Chase literally spawning by his side when you had just seen him all the way across the room not even half a second ago? I'D HAVE SCREAMED AND THROWN THAT FIREBALL OUT AND AWAY DUE TO SUCH JUMPSCARE TOO.

He didn't do MUCH in the movies at all, maybe just taking over the matters when Chase had his panic attacks in the first movie. Which also makes sense, we gotta admit that: Police AND FIREFIGHTERS are usually the ones who are more suited to do crowd control and deal with people. I'm not even going about how Marshall would take over, it's just that he's the more suited to go substitute Chase in ANY CASE. It's not just because they're close friends.

But aside from that? The main focus were Chase for the first movie, and Skye for the second. Marshall was along for the ride, as well as all other pups, but fans are ESPECIALLY UPSET literally because they felt Marshall was supposed to have the spotlight for the Mighty Movie and it turned out it just wasn't going to be about him XD He didn't do muuuuuch, he barely had not even a fraction of his signature clumsy moments.

And after how people complained after the first movie, they weren't going to do anything about Marshall just yet anyway. Now fans are even more pissed and I'm here holding my bucket of popcorn watching this circus catch on fire and waiting for our beloved firepup to come for the rescue.

Sort of literally XD

At least we know we're gonna get a third movie by 2026. Now it's a game of wait and see what it'll be like.

#HI HELLO HERE I COME AGAIN #Idk if this will become habit but yes I like to go off about these kinda things #You want my thoughts on something you'll probably get a whole essay on it #People said I should make Youtube videos like that but I don't have a nice background to put my webcams to proper use XD #Unless you wanna know the main reason why I relate SO MUCH to Rocky lol #Then you'd see it #Paw Patrol #Paw Patrol The Movie #Paw Patrol The Mighty Movie #Marshall #Paw Patrol Marshall #Chase #Paw Patrol Chase #Skye #Paw Patrol Skye

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blairsanne · 16 days

Text

Try Therapy - Part 4: Shaken

For the @deanobingo event!

The Brokenwood Mysteries - Barnaby Buchanan & Reader 3160 words

Summary: Barnaby is diligently befriending you, and invites you for tea. When an unexpected event occurs, memories of your traumatic past come up, leading to both of you opening up about what you've been through.

CW: Mentions of therapy, ombrophobia, claustophobia, anxiety/panic attacks, breathing techniques, brief mention of torture, natural disaster (earthquake) and related destruction.

As the weeks wore on, you and Barnaby continued to have brief chats before he left in the morning and when he returned from his ‘work’.

Barnaby continued to keep a log of these ‘pleasant’ interactions, quite chuffed to report on them to his therapist, who seemed pleased himself that Barnaby had genuinely made a friend.

One evening, as you were readying your bike to leave, he jogged out of his house with a book in hand. “I found it!”

“Hm?” You stood beside your bike, leaning it back against the side of the house again so you could face him.

“That book we were discussing the other day. About the- the librarian. It was just behind some others on the shelf.”

He held out the novel in question, part of a mystery series by an author you both liked. He’d offered to lend it to you the week before, but you’d completely forgotten about it.

“Oh! Keen, ta.” You turned it over in your hands, smiling as you skimmed over the description on the back.

“I really enjoyed it, like I said. Quite a change of setting from her usual novels.” “Hm.” “Do you get out to the library much?”

You looked up at him and your mouth fell open as you struggled with how to answer. “I- used to.”

He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, confused by your discomfort. You were such an avid reader, he’d assumed-

“Oh! Right- with the-” his eye twitched as he fidgeted. “All those shelves in such a small space.” He gestured with his hands to indicate the tight space.

You nodded, pursing your lips. “Something like that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” “No, no worries. It’s not like I forgot I was claustrophobic.”

“Mm.”

He shifted his weight and rubbed the back of his neck, still feeling guilty for the oversight.

He’d not been great at socializing since the accident, and he worried he might run you off at any moment. Still, something had been gnawing at him for the last week.

He licked his lips. “Can I ask you something?” “Of course.”

“No- that’s-” You watched him close his eyes to try to stop his eye twitch. “I mean- I- I want to ask you to answer me honestly, even if- if you don’t think I’d want to hear the answer.”

“Oh…” You furrowed your brow slightly, concerned by what he meant by that.

What was he about to ask? About Betty? Would he ask if you thought he was crazy like the town did?

“Er- the answer is still ‘of course’, then,” you encouraged.

He made eye contact with you, his sheepish, vulnerable expression making your chest ache. “Did Dennis tell you to be nice to me?”

You laughed, confused. “What?”

“Is he paying you to- to be friendly with me, when you’re here?” He watched your amused confusion turn to hurt and horror.

“Of course not.” You closed your eyes, wincing, supposing that wasn’t entirely honest. “Well, obviously since it’s a job, I can’t be rude, either, but-”

You opened your eyes and looked up at him pleadingly. “But getting to know you and whatnot, that’s not- I’m just here to tend to Betty. Being your friend was just a…” You swallowed. “Happy accident.”

He let out a small, relieved laugh. “Right. Alright.” He looked away, wincing. “Sorry, that was a rude thing to ask, then.”

“No, I- I think I understand. When people are so unkind, normally, then, it can be hard to know if someone is pitying you or…” You trailed off, staring at the ground.

Maybe you didn’t think a horse was your wife, but you’d dealt with weird reactions from others yourself on occasion. It was isolating, and you’d often felt frustrated that other people saw your trauma as an inconvenience to them. Like it was something you’d chosen.

“So,” Barnaby’s voice interrupted your thoughts. “In the interest of spending time together- as friends- I wondered if there was anything I could do.” He blinked unevenly as you met his gaze again. “To- To make my home a suitable place for tea or… what have you.”

“Oh, to- not trigger it, you mean?”

“Yes. You’ve been very accommodating, with the sink, and the car, and I thought I ought to- Er- make it easier for you to spend time here. That is-” His face twitched again. “I-in the spirit of reciprocity.”

The offer was deeply touching to you, and you felt yourself choking up even as you smiled. “That’s really kind. Nobody ever-” You held your fist to your lips as you looked away.

Barnaby waited as you took a few deep breaths before turning to face him again.

“Mostly it’s small spaces that set it off. So I like to be outside, or in a bigger room… Tall ceilings, like the barn… Or close to an exit.”

He nodded, committing these remarks to memory very seriously.

“But,” You felt your shoulders raising as you hugged yourself. “I’m trying to challenge that. I’m supposed to be practicing the things that make me uncomfortable. Apparently that makes them easier.”

You smiled somewhat self-deprecatingly.

Barnaby met your smile with a genuine one. “My therapist said the same thing. Wants me to try the hard things, a little at a time.”

“Right, exactly.”

“Maybe we could…” He licked his lips, feeling inexplicably nervous. “Practice them together.”

You lit up. “Oh, that’s smart! Then we can lean on each other if things get too hard.”

“Yes,” Barnaby’s voice held a laugh of relief now. “Yes, exactly.”

“Keen.”

You grinned at each other for a beat.

You moved to put the book in your bag. “I should probably get going. But I’ll start this tonight and let you know what I think.”

“Yes, of course.” Barnaby backed up, wiping his hands on his pants as he felt awkward again. “So- Do you think tomorrow you could stay for tea after…?”

You looked up as you got on your bike, thinking of your schedule. “Actually, I have an appointment tomorrow evening. But the next day?”

“Oh. Okay! Then, I-I’ll look forward to that, then.”

You smiled warmly at him, quite chuffed that he wanted to spend more time with you - Betty notwithstanding.

“Me too.” You licked your lips, giving him a quick lookover. “You’re a good friend, Barnaby.”

You watched his face flash through several competing emotions before he pursed his lips and gave you a nod.

Though he wouldn’t say so outside of his sessions, having a (human) friend to talk candidly with about all sorts of things had been surprisingly helpful and enjoyable. He hadn’t thought that shrinking his social circle to just his wife and brother would take such a toll on him, but he realized now that it had.

Not that he’d had much choice, given the way people thought of him.

“You too. See you in the morning.”

“Night, then.”

“Good night.”

Two days later, you found yourself sitting in Barnaby’s living room.

He had rearranged the furniture somewhat since the last time you’d been inside, and had suggested you take a seat on the sofa nearest the door, which afforded you a view out the large window to the early evening sky.

You found yourself glancing out of it periodically as he made several trips to the kitchen and back for the teapot, cups, and a tray of various biscuits.

“Too much, Barnaby,” you murmured, feeling guilty despite him having told you at least three times not to get up to help him.

He poured you a cup of tea, smiling to himself. “It’s been ages since I’ve hosted anyone besides Dennis or Amy.”

“Who’s Amy?”

Barnaby stilled momentarily as he finished pouring his own cup of tea. He carefully set down the pot, then sat in a chair perpendicular to you.

“I was seeing her about- er- everything. But…” Barnaby gripped his hands together on his lap, not making eye contact. “Well, you must have heard what happened to Jakob Deschler.”

You frowned, trying to recall the details of the Deschler murder case.

You knew from what Dennis had told you that Barnaby had briefly been a suspect because of his time at the clinic, but it hadn’t been him of course. It had been some counselor or another who you hadn’t known.

Oh.

“I’m so sorry, that’s…”

“That’s bad,” Barnaby confirmed matter-of-factly, giving a nod.

He took a deep breath and reached forward to take a biscuit. “Sorry; that’s not very friendly conversation.” He hummed in disappointment, silently wondering if he had ruined the whole endeavour.

“It’s fine,” you assured him softly. Then, wanting to lighten the tone, you mirrored his actions and took a biscuit. “In any event, it’s nice to be hosted so thoughtfully.”

Barnaby nodded, straightening up a bit as he put on his most congenial airs. “It is my absolute pleasure.”

You started telling him about a new book series you were reading, and it didn’t take long for both of you to put the thoughts of Jakob Deschler and his clinic completely from your minds.

Time passed easily as you discussed various books and films, and Barnaby was just describing an art exhibit he’d seen once in Hamilton when you both felt a rumble beneath you.

The tea set made a tinkling sound as it rattled against the table, and you looked up to see everything in the small home moving as an earthquake shook it.

You gripped the armrest of the sofa tightly, feeling like the air was closing in on you, your throat tight. Your pulse raced, your mind alight with terrifying, unhelpful thoughts.

“I can’t-” You ran out of the house, feeling like you were choking, clutching at your pained chest.

“Where’re you going!?”

Barnaby stared after you out the open door in shock, unable to follow you into the rain. He watched you fall to your knees on the grass, hyperventilating.

You couldn’t push the memories from your mind as your body panicked, reliving your trauma.

The earthquake had been one for the record books.

The city in shambles, you were one of dozens trapped in the rubble.

When the tremor had started, you had been on your way to your usual study spot in the city library. You’d watched someone’s pencil roll off a table, and instinctively thrown yourself under the one closest to you. The people who had dug you out had cited it as having saved you from further injury.

Still, when the roof had collapsed, you’d been confined there, surrounded by the broken pieces of your favourite place. Buried in a small pocket of safety, in the dark.

It had been too small a space to move much, curled over yourself and trying to avoid the jagged bits of glass, metal, plaster, and who-knew-what that had encased you.

You had heard the sirens, muffled, in all directions as emergency responders had triaged the devastation. You had heard the cries of others nearby, too. Some of them had gotten lucky, like you; some of them hadn’t.

When they finally started digging through the library for people, your voice was already hoarse from screaming for help, but you’d kept on, desperate for escape.

Your minor scrapes and bruises had recovered before your voice, so in the days following the event, you’d kept your fears to yourself; crying alone when your body had gone into panic mode every time you tried to sleep - curled up in the dark.

Barnaby grabbed his largest umbrella and paced a bit, making a whining noise as he screwed up his courage.

Finally, he stepped out into the rain, umbrella mostly shielding him, and ran over to where you were. “Please come back inside?!” He crouched near you, holding out another open umbrella.

You looked up at him, still breathing erratically and looking confused about what was going on.

“Deep breaths, right? Four, seven, eight.”

You took the handle of the offered umbrella, only then realizing that you were quite wet, and nodded.

Together you inhaled to a count of four - timed by Barnaby’s head bobbing - held it for a count of seven, and then exhaled for a count of eight. Immediately you felt more grounded in the moment with him.

After a few cycles of this, he glanced toward the house, still deeply uncomfortable.

“Better?” he asked hopefully.

You nodded.

“Inside?”

You hesitated, but nodded as you shivered from the cold. “Sure.”

He led you back to the house, disappearing immediately to leave you standing alone just inside the door, sopping wet.

You looked down at the puddle you were making, and memories of Barnaby’s discomfort with rain and leaks flashed through your chaotic mind, making you feel guilty.

Your pulse raced again, fear and anxiety telling you that you were making a mess; that you were being a burden; that Barnaby wouldn’t want you here; that he would stop being your friend.

He appeared again, wrapped in multiple towels and holding out a large one for you.

“I’m sorry, Barnaby,” you sobbed, pulling the towel he offered against your chest and face. “You were just trying to do something nice and now I’ve forced you out in the storm-”

“No, it’s- It’s fine, you- You panicked, it’s-”

“When the house shook, it was just like that time and I-”

You felt his hand squeeze your shoulder, and you sniffled, looking up from the towel to see him staring back at you solemnly.

“It’s alright. You’re alright.”

He searched your eyes, not quite sure yet what had set you off, but knowing that you needed to come out of that panicked response.

“Deep breaths.”

His steady voice and presence had a calming effect on you, and you felt yourself grounding into the moment.

You nodded and started to dry yourself off, counting the timing of your breaths as you broke eye contact with him in shame.

He pursed his lips, letting go of your shoulder.

He felt a drop of water run over his skin and his eye twitched, suddenly reminded of his own discomfort once again.

“I’ll be right back. Going to dry off and change. I’ll bring you something dry, too.”

“That’s okay, Barna…” You trailed off, looking up to see that he was already leaving the room.

---

You stared down at the mug of hot tea you were cradling.

You were sitting on the couch opposite Barnaby again, dressed in a pair of joggers and a “Brains Matter” t-shirt that were too large for Barnaby; gifts from his brother Dennis, apparently.

You had both dried off, and Barnaby had refreshed the teapot to help warm you up after your soaking.

A thick silence had fallen between you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, afraid of the judgment you were sure you’d read on his face.

Barnaby shifted in his seat, tapping his fingers against his lap briefly as he anticipated sharing what he was about to.

“When I was in the clinic,” he began, taking off his glasses to clean them despite having done so several times already since going outside.

You glanced over to him, surprised that he was talking about that.

“They, um- They would drip water on us. It was- well- literally, torture. W-water torture. That’s why I…”

You nodded. Dennis had told you briefly about Barnaby’s time at the Deschler Clinic, by way of explaining his many quirks. It occurred to you now that Barnaby probably hadn’t given Dennis permission to do that.

“I’m sorry,” you offered, voice small. “That should never have happened to you.”

“No,” Barnaby almost laughed in anger. “No, it shouldn’t have.”

He leaned forward to pour himself another mug of tea.

“But I’ve learned to move forward. Therapy is helping again, and having someone to-” He glanced briefly at you. “Having you as a friend.”

You nodded, pursing your lips. You held your mug up to blow on the steaming liquid inside, listening to the sound of the rain outside, muffled by the sturdy house.

“I suppose you’re curious why I ran out.” “You don’t have to tell me-” “It was the shaking.”

He settled into his seat, watching you intently.

You put down your tea, then proceeded to explain to him how you’d been trapped in the rubble during the big earthquake a few years prior.

“When the ground rumbled like that… I thought- It’s happening again. I’m going to get stuck again, and-” You shut your mouth and eyes, trying to fight the hot tears that rolled over your cheek.

Barnaby got up, grabbing a box of tissues from one of his side tables, and moved to sit at your side. He tapped your knee with the box.

You tensed at his proximity, but took a tissue to try to clean yourself up.

“But you didn’t get stuck again,” he reassured you.

You nodded, looking down.

“It was hard, but you got through it, eh?”

“Mm.”

“Just like how I was able to go out to get you.”

In truth, he was feeling a significant amount of pride for how he’d handled it, already planning to cite the experience to his therapist.

“I’m so sorry, Barnaby. I made you do something like-” “No, it’s fine-”

“I completely overreacted. My body just panics, and sometimes I can’t stop it. I feel so foolish.” You pressed the tissue against your eyes, covering your face in shame. “I’m sorry.”

Barnaby hesitated as he reached out, then placed his warm hand on your back.

“You needn’t apologize for that. Not to me.”

He felt the rhythm of your breath as you forced yourself to calm down.

“Friends help each other,” he reminded you.

You let out a small, laughing huff. “I reckon.” You finished drying your face, feeling a bit better.

You turned to face him, and realized you were much closer than usual. His pale blue eyes were searching yours, his genuine concern for you evident. You glanced at his lips and then down again, feeling your heart in your throat as you imagined kissing him.

“Would you like a hug?” Barnaby offered, unsure.

It had been ages since he’d hugged someone, and he worried it might set off your claustrophobia, but he had a strong urge to comfort and protect you.

You nodded, humming in mild agreement. You leaned into him, reaching your arms under his to hold him from your awkward seat beside him.

His own arms wrapped around you, pulling you against him even more as he rested his head against the side of yours. “She’ll be right.”

You nodded, feeling safer in his hold than you’d expected. For a moment, it was more than you could have asked for, wrapped in his warmth and scent like the day he’d lent you his cardigan.

You relaxed, the painful knot in your back easing as your body accepted that nothing terrible was likely to happen for now.

“Ta.”

-----

Tags: @leonxrdosreign @i-did-not-mean-to @the-butterfly-blues @fortheloveofdurin @ichoosechoasandbeingqueer @missihart23 @gayles55 @spngingerbread21

If you would like to be added or removed from a taglist please just let me know! :)

#the brokenwood mysteries #barnaby buchanan #barnaby buchanan x reader #dean o'gorman #dean o’gorman #deanobingo2024

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ramonag-if · 1 year

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I just had to tell you. The way you write family angst? Akin to how our old pal Da Vinci wields a paintbrush. Masterfully.

When Ahlf died? I was gutted. Genuinely. I'd been watching him and MC interact, holding out hope that they'd one day get to form a... warmer father-child relationship. Then he died. MC watched him die. I watched him die. I MC was so devastated, I MC called Crown's name stupid (Sorry, Crown. You too, Irus). Let it be noted that I'd been playing the shy/sincere MC till then. I was so gutted, MC moped/angsted all the way to the temple, while I sat there internally blubbering over the loss of MC's grumpy, emotionally unavailable, father.

(In case it hasn't been made clear yet, I also have father issues in the spades).

(Also, MC recovered their shy/sincere nature eventually. And became absolutely besotted with Irus. He obviously already knew, but still. Don't tell him that.)

(You can bet that I MC took all the chances to mourn/blubber over Ahlf whenever the chance came up, though. Those chances did come up frequently enough, now that I think about it. That moment when MC goes through Ahlf's box of letters in his room at Ellie's castle, mourning him and whatnot. Thanks for that, by the way. Really. I'm glad you didn't gloss over the persisting, subtle ache that comes with loss, which so many stories seem to do.)

Then, Salyra. Mama. MC had thought she was dead. I was convinced she was dead. So, seeing her alive and well and with a whole new husband and child to boot was. Wow.

By then, I had already fully immersed into the story. And while I don't see MC as myself, rather as an odd extension of my soul that I'm watching like some omniscient being who has nothing better to do with their time, I was, well.

Gutted. Again. And MC, too.

I MC's been going back and forth between being uncertain or bitterly angry for a while now. And Maybe accidentally gave Rana a Mean Look while still reeling over how Salyra was alive, with a new family.

When Salyra protected Rana from MC's Big Bad Stare and gave MC a disappointed look? Wow. Delicious scene. MC damn near imploded into a very sad confetti of abandonment and bitterness anger, but I really have to admit. That was peak writing and character interaction right there.

The best thing? None of the characters were demonized for all the things they'd done wrong. Not Ahlf, not Salyra, not MC. They were so human, in their actions and reactions and emotions and tears. You can hate them, you can love them, you can feel nothing about them, but they weren't just characters with an 'MC's parents: kind of really bad at it' label tacked on. They were characters made human, fleshed out and alive and raw.

Which is why it makes it hurt so much more. Makes all the family angst hurt so, so much more.

And I'm all for that, obviously.

Ah, and a special mention! The scene where MC just hugs Irus for comfort after another showdown with Salyra? Spectacular. Outstanding. Covering your arm with gold star stickers as we speak. I have to admit, I damn near melted at that scene. They're so cute. God.

Aaand after that long, long spiel that was definitely just 90% rambling, I'm bringing whatever this mess is to a close. So, Ra; (can I call you that? It sounds cool) thank you for bringing this story into existence, and for sharing it with us all. It was a lovely, beautiful experience, and I'm excited to see what lies ahead in this bloody wild ride you're taking us all on. You're awesome. Once again, thank you!!

Ah, thank you so much! 😭💖 Your message just made me smile like a fool! I don't think I'm anywhere near Da Vinci levels in writing family angst, so it means a lot to me that you enjoyed what I've written so far.

I felt really bad at the way Ahlf died, but his death had been planned long before Chapter 1 had been written. His death was supposed to be less dramatic than the way he went, but as I do try to remind readers, I'm a pantser opposed to a planner when writing so I rarely stick to my chapter outlines and will usually just go with my gut 😅 Ahlf's death really set the tone for the rest of the game, so I'm glad you enjoyed all the small moments to simply mourn his death. I knew that I was going into IF the way I normally write books - emotions are valued over branching/plot points.

Salyra was never going to be this complicated. She wasn't going to be married with another child either 😅 I obviously ignored plans and went right ahead into Angst Central, because I kept questioning Salyra as a mother and the person she would have become in the absence of Ahlf and the MC and suddenly, she was very complicated and brought a lot of baggage.

It was definitely important to showcase that it isn't all good and bad with Ahlf and Salyra. I know neither of them is perfect - no parent is perfect though they are quite far from that bar of being good parents 😬 You'll always get the choice to feel as you feel and the characters will always respond to your MC's choices. I do prefer the emotional development of the characters to the external factors, so glad you're feeling it too!

I actually enjoyed the scene where the MC cries into the ROs shoulder opposed to the hug. But that's just me, being an emotional wreck of a person when playing IF 😅

Please feel free to call me whatever you want 😋 I am quite liking Ra because Ra is my favourite Egyptian god and from my many nicknames over the years, I've never been called Ra before 😂

Thank you again for your support and kind words! I really do appreciate it 💖 It really makes writing the game worthwhile and pushes me to continue writing it.

#crown of exile #answered asks #thank you so much #💖#salyra #ahlf #princeirus

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plushie-sentai · 1 month

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“Um… Mr. Jeramie?” Yuto asked sheepishly. Jeramie turned and knelt down next to him. “Well now, what can I do for you little Yuto?” He asked gently. Yuto smiled, still a little shy but clearly excited, and held out a folded, dark piece of paper to Jeramie. As soon as he took it, Yuto whispered a quick “Goodnight!” and ran up the stairs to follow the others. As he stood up, Jeramie unfolded the paper to see a white crayon drawing of God Tarantula seated next to God Kuwagata, both wearing matching bright yellow crowns. Jeramie looked for a bit at the drawing, holding it tightly in both hands. “They really care for you, Jeramie,” Gira said softly, looking at the drawing over the other man’s shoulder. “The master artist Yuto doesn’t give his drawings to just anyone.” “Well now. I’ll just have to cherish this art piece forever then. It's quite special to have a Yuto original.” Jeramie smiled and folded the drawing back up, placing it in his breast pocket over his heart. Gira took a breath, watching Jeramie carefully slide the drawing away, so close and quiet he could almost hear the half-Bugnarok’s heart beating. “Thank you, Jeramie. Really. I had no idea you were here talking with the kids. How long have you been visiting them now?” “I’d say I’ve been here about every day since you first brought me to meet them. You told me yourself these people were your home. I felt it was important to find a way to reach them, and though I may not be great with the young ones, stories are great for everyone, and I’m certainly good at those.” “Not good with- Jeramie, did you see how those kids were watching you? They loved spending time with you. You’re… wonderful with them. Thank you.”As he spoke, Gira held Jeramie’s right hand in his, showing his gratitude absentmindedly. Jeramie’s face flushed a bit. “Of course,” He replied, swiping his smooth, scaled thumb over Gira’s knuckles soothingly. The two stood in the quiet for a moment, the golden light of sunset barely lighting the room, their faces beginning to gravitate toward one another almost naturally.

for the fic explanation?

Thanks so much for the ask! Here we go :3

Not much to say here, but in general I think this little bit is a good example of how I view my writing as storyboards more than plot beats. When I'm writing even a little action like this, I see the camera angles, the characters, the movements and whatnot in my head and end up cutting down a lot of what I write to keep the flow going and avoid being super long winded as I'm verbally describing how I would storyboard this lol

As he stood up, Jeramie unfolded the paper to see a white crayon drawing of God Tarantula seated next to God Kuwagata, both wearing matching bright yellow crowns. Jeramie looked for a bit at the drawing, holding it tightly in both hands.

Little kid drawings truly are just so precious ;u; I imagine Gira has quite a few he keeps somewhere in the castle with him from the kids, and Jeramie has probably seen them quite a few times, but this is his first time receiving one himself. Also, little Yuto (random orphan I made up) ships Giramie too obvs

“They really care for you, Jeramie,” Gira said softly, looking at the drawing over the other man’s shoulder. “The master artist Yuto doesn’t give his drawings to just anyone.” “Well now. I’ll just have to cherish this art piece forever then. It's quite special to have a Yuto original.” Jeramie smiled and folded the drawing back up, placing it in his breast pocket over his heart. Gira took a breath, watching Jeramie carefully slide the drawing away, so close and quiet he could almost hear the half-Bugnarok’s heart beating.

I like them teasing each other a bit, Jeramie and Gira are both very playful, but they're also very gentle with each other in particular, so there's a careful balance to be struck there in dialogue between the two. I also really liked establishing this mood of softness falling on the orphanage here, the two of them alone in a cozy wooden house as the sun sets outside. I think I have a habit of bringing up the sound of a heartbeat often in my writing as well, it's just so calming and sweet in these bits

“Thank you, Jeramie. Really. I had no idea you were here talking with the kids. How long have you been visiting them now?” “I’d say I’ve been here about every day since you first brought me to meet them. You told me yourself these people were your home. I felt it was important to find a way to reach them, and though I may not be great with the young ones, stories are great for everyone, and I’m certainly good at those.”

I think Jeramie during the timeskip starts coming to terms with this idea of being really behind socially, and it's something he kinda deals with in the show from time to time post timeskip. Pre timeskip Jer is used to being outcast, comfortable with his weirdness, and somewhere in the middle he realizes he still wants to be himself but now is more afraid of being unaccepted with a whole kingdom's acceptance riding on his shoulders as well. Jeramie is a lot more personable than he'll give himself credit for, like he does here. And in this next bit I add that Gira is a big source of confidence for him in that department as Jeramie is for him in others.

“Not good with- Jeramie, did you see how those kids were watching you? They loved spending time with you. You’re… wonderful with them. Thank you.”As he spoke, Gira held Jeramie’s right hand in his, showing his gratitude absentmindedly. Jeramie’s face flushed a bit. “Of course,” He replied, swiping his smooth, scaled thumb over Gira’s knuckles soothingly. The two stood in the quiet for a moment, the golden light of sunset barely lighting the room, their faces beginning to gravitate toward one another almost naturally.

Gira is also a bit clumsy with his words at times. He wears his heart on his sleeve and it causes a lot of mishaps in the show, but it also gives him a strength behind his words being so heartfelt and truthful, like here where he's reassuring Jeramie. Gira isn't a smoothtalker by any means, but when he's expressing himself, its genuine and beautiful, and I tried to convey that here. The end bit is another good example of me seeing things as a storyboard. I picture the wide shot of the two in front of the orphanage window, rim-lit by the glowing sunset, holding hands gently less than a foot apart from each other, the camera zooming in as their faces get closer. I love storytelling through animating, but i'm also impatient and low on time, so most of the time when i have an animation idea that isn't a music video it turns into a little fic like this lol. Hope you enjoyed!

#tiny warbles #super sentai #king ohger #giramie

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sexynbgfpollhost · 2 months

Text

My review of ATLA Live Action episode one:

(Keep in mind, at this point I have only seen episode 1 and so this is just my first impression)

Remember, there are spoilers ahead and I seriously think you should watch it yourself before reading any review. Trust me, having your own impression first before anyone else's is way better... Okay here we go:

-----

Review of episode one, first impressions:

I really loved how we got to see what the air temple genocide looked like. It really shows that they're fully aware that the main audience has grown up. I watched it with my sister, her hubby, and my 5-yr niece and we didn't know that it would literally show people getting burned alive, so we had to cover her eyes a lot lol. I loved how we got to see firelord Sozin when he was first declaring war.

I really liked how we got to see monk Gyatsu (having that name in 2024 is sure rough buddy..) actually want Aang to have a childhood before they told him he's the avatar. The bending looks really cool, not slow and cringey like in the first live action movie haha. I thought the way that one air-bender died, the woman doing the air tornado, was fricken BRUTAL. And it's great to see just how far they're going with the onscreen death.

My brother-in-law (sister's hubby) felt really iffy on the fact that Aang can just sort of fly on his own now, without his glider thing. I honestly don't mind it, I don't think it really affects the story all that much. And it also just.. makes sense, for an air-bender to be able to fly on their own. I love how they got the grandma to say the original intro from the cartoon in a natural way as an explanation to Aang.

I liked how they kept the original motifs. The fire tribe still has that classic "BUM bum bUm baaaaam" idk how else to describe it haha

Aang: I thought his acting was pretty good for a kid. The crying parts were decent at best... but obviously I don't expect a kid to be great at faking tears. I thought his acting was great when he learned that he was the avatar, just that silent panic, the breathing getting faster and darting the eyes. The scene where he closed himself in the ice ball thing looked really cool. (My brother-in-law was fanboying the whole time, so much so that my niece started imitating him by saying "O M G the acting is SO good!" which made us all laugh, she didn't have ill-intent, she was just learning by example)

Katara: Her acting was a little iffy to me, I have hope that it'll improve later on. She had good lines but her face just didn't make me believe those lines. During emotional moments she was just kinda '_' But I know how tough it is to be a child actor so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. (And to be fair, it is hard to convey emotion as good as a cartoon can) Her water bending looked really pretty, and I love that they kept her hair loopies. And I love that she still has her motherly personality like when she was comforting Aang near the end.

Sokka: Again, I thought his acting was pretty decent, child actors and whatnot. I really love how they didn't just reuse the same jokes from the cartoon and got original. My favorite two jokes were when it cut to him screaming on Appa, and when Aang said that he had to save the world and Sokka's response was like "Gee, is that all?" sarcastically, got a good laugh outta me. I love how his weapon looked exactly like the one in the cartoon. And I love how he got to have a one-on-one stand off with Zuko.

Haven't seen Momo yet, gonna be a bit disappointed if we don't but I mean.... Now that I think about it, Momo didn't really add anything. He was just kinda there in the cartoon for comedic affect...

Anyway, just in case someone is reading this before watching it, I'm not gonna spoil/talk about anything else (like Zuko and Iroh). So please go get your own impressions of it, even if you have to watch it on a pirated site.

Thanks for reading :)

(Side note, I do wish they chose tanner actors for the water tribe but eh, what the hell do I know? Could just be the lighting that's making them look pale)

Edit: So I just found out that Sokka and Katara's actors are not children lol (well, Karata's is 17 but that's almost an adult) so it is now a little less excusable.... But whatever, it's okay.

#avatar the last airbender live action #atla #live action #netflix #the better live action #aang #avatar #airbender #katara #water tribe #sokka #nickelodeon #fire tribe #air tribe #earth tribe

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m-jelly · 1 year

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Angel Levi x Angel reader! So imagine that there is a ceremony for new Angel creation where god or the universe or whatever higher power there may be, creates a new Angel the reader and Levi is at the ceremony because he’s like basically forced to come because it’s like a requirement. Anyways~ it’s like a whole thing where there is like energy and sparkles and the reader is born and she is like this whole different type of Angel like she blew away everyone. But especially Levi! She was tall(and thick asf like renaissance type of body yk) and she had long curly hair and beautiful skin and there was just something about her. And let’s just say when angels are born they serve a specific purpose of good that’s appointed to them through like a test where you go in a ring and whichever item in the ring goes to you is your divine nature and the reader gets one no one has gotten before which is like staff or something and that means that she is the head Angel that has been waited upon for thousands of years which means we can really do anything on earth that is for the greater good and anyways since we were literally just born we know a lot of things but we are appointed to Hange to teach us what we don’t know like flying(which we get really good at) and then like everyone wants to be with her or be her friend and Levi gets kinda jealous like bro… I want her… and when we were created we instantly saw him and knew we wanted him and yeah…. You can finish it however you would like with him crushing or pining or whatnot I just liked this idea a lot :)

Sure thing. I won't use your descriptions of the reader as I don't describe the reader much otherwise it becomes OC or me describing the actual person who asked for it. I like to be as inclusive as possible so everyone can imagine themselves as the reader.

@kenkopanda-art <3

Linked wings

Pairing: Angel!Levi x Angel!Reader

Genre and tags: Alternative AU, fluff, romance, falling in love, cute, becoming a couple.

Concept: You've recently come into being as an angel. Hange is training you how to be one for your ceremony. While you train, you can't help but think about one angel. You and Levi flirt a little and get close. When the ceremony happens it is revealed you are the head angel. More people show interest in you, but you keep going back to Levi.

Tag list: @levisbrat25 @ladycheesington @skittlelover69 @li-anne @nyxiieluna @strawberrybunny123 @nbinairyn @galactict3a @notgoodforlife @demonsimp6

You sat listening to Hange as they talked about things you needed to know about being an angel. You were many lessons in now and your flying ability was even better than theirs. You pouted a little as you jotted down in your notebook as Hange continued their speech.

You smiled softly as your head flooded with thoughts of Levi. You started sketching him in your book as your skin began to sparkle. You jumped when Hange called your name. You looked up at them and felt nervous.

Hange smiled softly. "You're glowing. What you thinking about?"

You looked away and covered your book. "N-Nothing."

"Must be something special because you're glowing." Hange walked over and looked at your notebook. "That Levi?"

You whined a little. "Yes. I like him. I know there are other angels, but there's just something about him."

"You're in love."

You nibbled your lip in thought. "I can't stop thinking about him. We've talked often, but I want more."

Hange looked over at the open window to see Levi trying to hide. "I think he wants you too. Hey Levi!? Come on in."

Levi climbed through the window. "I umm...hi."

You stood up and smiled at Levi. "Hello."

He gulped hard as he stared at you. "Do...do you...do you want to go for a walk?" He blushed. "O-Only if you're free."

You nodded shyly. "I would. Can I Hange?"

Hange grinned. "Lessons are over. Enjoy your time together."

You walked over to Levi and held his hand. "Let's go."

Levi walked with you as he felt his heart flutter in his chest. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze. "You're becoming a fine angel. Are you looking forward to the ceremony?"

You nodded. "I want to get to work right away. I find it strange how we're all adults making our way through this all." You looked over at Levi. "Today Hange told me that two angels can have children, they don't have to make an adult angel in the summoning circle."

Levi's cheeks burned. "Only powerful angels have children."

You smiled a little. "You're a powerful angel, right?"

He nodded. "I am. I command all of the armies."

You looked at Levi's sword and shield. "You're amazing."

He groaned as he felt flustered. "Thanks. So, what are you hoping you get?"

You shrugged. "I don't know. I want to get a job where I get to work close to you."

Levi stopped a moment. "Tch, damn brat."

You sat down on the stone bench and gazed at the rolling hills. "I'm sorry."

He sat with you. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I like you."

You stared at Levi. "I like you too."

He looked down at you. "No matter what happens at the ceremony, I will still like you."

You tapped your forehead against his shoulder. "Me too."

Levi played with your hand a little. You stayed together for a while before he took you home. He kissed your cheek and parted ways. Levi came back a few days later and collected you for the ceremony. He gave you encouraging words before he guided you into the ring.

Levi kissed your forehead. "Good luck."

You nodded and walked further into the ring. You felt nervous about what your ability would be. You held your hands out as pillars raised from the ground with four objects on. You closed your eyes and held your hands out and let your light glow brightly.

You opened your eyes as a warm gust of wind hit you. Other angels watching from their seats were in awe of you. They gazed as a staff raised in the air and flew into your hand. You smiled brightly at having been gifted a power. You held it close and heard people become hushed.

You raised up as power surged through you. A tiara grew on your head slowly as a white dress flowed off your body. You lowered down and felt confused at what you were, but there was a strong flow of power going through you.

You turned to Hange as they raced over. "Hange? What am I?"

Hange held your upper arms. "You're the head of all angels. We've waited for thousands of years for you."

You blushed. "Wow."

"I'll get you to your new home. You'll be living in the palace." Hange guided you out of the ring as angels tried to crowd you. "This will happen a lot. Get used to being surrounded by angels."

You looked around for Levi. "Y-Yes. Mmm..." You felt sad when you couldn't spot him. "Levi..."

You felt sad as you were moved to the palace. You felt so lonely learning how to lead the angels. You hated how everyone was showering you with gifts and marriage proposals. You rejected everything because you only wanted one person in your life.

You sat in your window in your office rubbing your tears away. You missed Levi. You hadn't seen Levi in a whole week. You wanted him back, but you were scared that maybe you becoming the head of angels had scared him away.

Levi flew up and appeared in the window. "Finally, you're alone."

You gasped in delight. "Levi!" You threw yourself into his arms and almost fell out the window. "I missed you!"

Levi grunted. "Careful" He flew with you into your office. "I missed you too." He released you and walked around your office. "How are you finding your job?"

"Okay." You followed him like a puppy. "So, are we umm...working together?"

He nodded. "You have command over me."

You fiddled with your dress a little. "Are you..."

Levi turned to you. "What's wrong?"

You whined. "Are you scared of me? Do you not want me anymore?"

Levi's eyes widened as you started crying. He knelt in front of you and hushed you as he held your hands. "Please don't cry."

You sobbed. "B-But."

He kissed your hands. "Of course I want you. I've been trying to get to you and see you, but you've been overwhelmed with work and people needing you." He growled. "Tch, and stupid suitors. They can piss off because you're mine." He stood up and kissed your lips. "Mine."

You blushed at Levi's declaration. "I am."

He rubbed your tears away. "Can I keep you as mine for eternity?"

You nodded shyly. "I would love that."

He held your hips and yanked you against him. "Mine." He crashed his lips against yours. "No one else can have you."

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vesper93 · 1 year

Text

Bones and All Q's/thoughts/spoilers (literally writing these as I watch for the first time):

1. Was that her dad locking her in her bedroom at the beginning?

2. Random aside- does Taylor Russell have some vitiligo on her face? I never noticed it before.

3. Ooft, that first shot of Sully standing on the street corner. 😬 The sniffing... ew.

4. The sound of him preparing that chicken. Double ew.

5. "We can hurt one another just as bad" - he's warning her.

6. I always wonder if human teeth are actually strong enough to bite through flesh just like *chomp* - I know we do it with steak and whatnot. I just kinda assumed humans would be tougher. Especially without cooking. Idk.

7. Being a cannibal would be a logistical nightmare. Like... a human being is BIG. How much could you actually eat in one go? Like, a thigh? What do you do with the rest?

8. "I profoundly doubt that" - yes Lee, see right through the creepy old man.

9. The Americana guitar throughout is very pretty. This soundtrack is cool.

10. I love how matter-of-fact Lee is. He seems very genuine.

11. The way he takes the shirt off after Kayla calls him a fa**ot hurts. He obvs took it to heart.

12. The first time we see them touch is in the slaughter house barn. Feel like that's significant.

13. Michael Stulbarg is amazing.

14. "There's before Bones and All, and then there's after" - I feel like this is true.

15. The drums of the soundtrack in IA - wow. Love it.

16. The trill of the music as the ferris wheel comes over the top and they're kissing - ❤

17. The look as Lee approaches the milk toss stand - Predator/Prey. Oooft.

18. Lee cruising that carnival worker should not be hot. But it is.

19. The pulling at the skin is a bit ew, but oh well.

20. "In my black cocoon I'm where no one can find me" - whilst Lee sits bathed in blood and moonlight. Double ooooft.

21. It's a good thing DNA matching hadn't been perfected yet.

22. "How dare you make this harder" - true lee. Like what does she want him to say??

23. I keep expecting to see Sully in the back of shots and it's creeping me out.

24. I get Maren's turmoil, but she doesn't need to take it out on Lee, who's also just trying to survive.

25. I have a kink for Timmy's arms, I've decided. I think Dune 2 where he's buffer might kill me.

26. She just fucking leaves him?! What??? He's the best thing thats happened to you!

27. Sully needs to fuck all the way off.

28. The scene where Maren is telling Sully "its gotta go both ways" - I feel her energy there. Its a young girl trying to placate a man who could harm her. That resonates. The stakes are different, but every woman can recognise the moment where they say "it's not you, it's me" to try and prevent harm. Felt that in my blood.

29. A man thinks they're entitled to something because they've misread a situation. Offft, that really hits close to home.

30. The scrape of the guitar as she destroys the tape.

31. I just wanna give Lee a hug.

32. Kayla seems really sweet, and I'm sad that I already know what happens to her.

33. What happens in the months Maren is away from Lee? What's she been doing?

34. The NE sequence is beautiful.

35. Idk how to describe it, but Timothée has a way of being *in* a scene that makes you feel like he's part of the landscape of it. There and natural. There is no acting, because he is in the fabric of the film.

36. I'll say it again but the guitar motif is just so beautiful.

37. The way the guitar just stops in that final scene when she opens the door. Fuck Sully, fuck him forever.

38. Sully is like Gollum. Except fucking weirder and grosser.

39. Okay, the bathtub scene is kinda grim.

40. How can something so grim make me cry?

41. Okay, new canon. Lee survives and the ending was just one of the psycho dreams, brought on by PTSD from Sully's attack.

42. The final shot is them afterwards. Surviving.

#bones and all #spoilers #timothee chalamet #lee #maren yearly #luca guadagnino #thoughts

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pennylanefics · 2 years

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Concept idea: The boys hanging out having a bonfire with everyone and one of them sees you talking to someone else and gets jealous and decides its time to make you an official couple.

you and josh have always had a somewhat flirty friendship. each had feelings for one another, but nothing was ever done about it. the guys even got so sick of it at some point and forced you two out on a date, however nothing happened.

staying friends with josh was easy, no relationship tying him down while he's on tour with you back in nashville, flirty fun whenever you want, knowing neither of you expect anything back.

however, josh was getting to the point where he couldn't take it much anymore. he wanted to be with you, but now, he had no clue how to go about it. he debated over it for hours with jake.

"what if she suddenly says no? like i know we have feelings for each other, but what if that's changed?"

"what if she doesn't want to be with me and i was just reading things wrong and she's just a naturally flirty person?"

"what if-"

"josh shut the fuck up and make a fucking move on her! i promise you she'll be happy!" jake finally shouts, annoyed with his twin. so, the two plan a movie night with you and the others, giving josh a chance to make a move on you.

unfortunately, he chickens out and doesn't do it, pissing jake off to no avail of course. but josh in turn invited you to the bonfire they are having at the end of the week.

that night, you are sitting in front of the fire in your chair, staring at the fire, getting lost in it and basking in the warmth. one of their friends comes over to talk to you, landon, you figured out his name.

he asked you about some similar interests, since he's also in a small band, you talk about music taste and concerts and whatnot. you have a nice little time laughing together and getting to know one another.

josh walks out from the house and sees you laughing, leaning into the man's side while doing so, something you've done with josh countless times. but seeing you be so close and flirty with someone else, it sets him off. he walks right over to you two and asks to talk to you inside about something.

that's where josh admits how he's been feeling these past few weeks. how his feelings for you have grown stronger and how he really wants you to be his, how he longs to be with you more than you've been as friends. you stand there in disbelief and confusion. but you end up shutting him up with a sweet kiss, cupping his cheeks.

your thumbs run over the apples of his cheeks to kind of calm him a little, your forehead resting on his. you admit that you've felt the same way, that you were just hoping he'd make a move soon because you wanted to be with him.

after talking for a little more, you walk back outside, hand in hand, and landon takes notice, and walks off. jake and the others look towards you and all fist pump.

"he did it! he gained the balls to ask her out!"

#jmk

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demcnsinmymind · 1 year

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More detailed headcanon post about Lance + sleeping / sharing a bed /staying with people overnight

slightly nsfwish and trigger and trauma heavy as always, so behind a cut

As always, I’ve posted a couple of smaller headcanon posts here and there about this very topic before, but I just feel like talking about this thing as a whole with a little more detail so here we go. (also relevant headcanon post re: physical touch and intimacy post canon)

What I’ve established countless times before:

Pre-canon, Lance was a terrible sleeper. As in, he was a workaholic, he was always busy, he purposely deprived himself of sleep to get more done, he had problems with turning his thinking off when it was time to sleep because there was always something there that could be improved, written, or planned.

During canon he was obviously severely deprived of sleep and pretty much tortured with it - continuously getting awaken mid sleep by loud noises and ghostly attacks and nightmares and whatnot. Funnily/sadly enough this resulted in him valuing sleep a lot more so the -quality- of his sleep gets better post canon because he’ll stop depriving himself of it entirely, knowing how awful it really is to lack sleep now. Post canon, he’ll literally sleep anywhere and surprisingly, it won’t take him very long at all to fall asleep in general.

One more general big canon thing to note is that naturally, all thanks to the things he went through, he has severe problems with night terrors, nightmares about his lobotomy and nightly panic attacks, and that one plays a huge role in a lot of things I write post canon

Sharing a bed/staying with people overnight

I generally headcanon that no matter if it’s pre-canon or post-canon, Lance doesn’t do the whole staying overnight and sharing a bed with anyone. First of all because he’s aro and not at all interested in something like that, is prone to one nightstands and just generally values his privacy/alone time. So yeah, generally, he’s that kind of dude who’ll just leave or have someone leave after sex. He’s pretty complicated and hard to explain in that regard anyway, since I genuinely do not think it’s because he’s an asshole about it. He’s not selfish when it gets down to intimacy and sex, and it certainly isn’t all about him. He’ll make sure that his partner’s needs and wants have been met and fullfilled and won’t leave anyone hanging as soon as he’s done. It’s not about that kind of leaving. He just won’t do the whole staying long after. Cuddling, after care, being comfortable/vulnerable around each other and just generally hanging out doesn’t do anything for him pre canon, so he considers it a waste of his time to stick around. And he makes that fairly clear before the fact.

Either way, it’s been seen more than once in canon that he’s capable of being fairly gentle and seeking near. By the middle/end of the first film, he pretty much stuck to Sasha like glue and was perfectly comfortable with her sleeping on him, but then again, Sasha is a very special case with him in general.

Post canon, he still doesn’t do the whole sharing a bed/staying overnight thing, but for entirely different reasons. And it’s pretty sad too because I think post canon, he kind of is craving for something like it every now and then. I mean after all that trauma and violence, it’s more than obvious that he’s in need for some healthy nights and human tenderness/intimacy that doesn’t involve outright sex. Sasha being kind of a big factor again there, because just sleeping next to someone reminds him of what it felt like while she was still there, almost like he convince himself he was never snatched away, and that being close/holding on to someone else can righten that wrong.

One of the most obvious reasons why he doesn’t do it post canon though is the fact that he’s still suffering from his trauma and those terrible night terrors. I headcanon that a lot of times he actually isn’t quite aware of the fact that they’re happening, but when he is, it’s because he’s screamed himself awake, and that happens fairly frequently too. He’s too proud and too embarrassed to let anyone see or hear him like this, so he avoids it altogether by just sleeping alone.

#text post #headcanons #hc : habits #hc : psyche

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moonlightpirate · 2 years

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Chapter 3 is up and running! You can check it out here! Also here is the link to chapters 1 & 2! @residentdormouse @99point9percentsurewhump

Okay this chapter is where I start getting the readers caught up on Mary’s story.

Harry took me where his father used to work which of course was oscorp.

"So why are you guys hiding out here?" I inquired, as they walked into the building.

"So remember how that spider person killed my father? Naturally I wanted revenge so I started to look into his research here at oscorp and found some interesting stuff.".

"Ever hear of the multiverse?" Harry inquired.

"Oh really! I can't wait! I've always been curious as to some of the stuff you guys study here." I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic.

Harry smiled at me and led me to his father's study. Peter was sitting in a chair in the corner waiting for us. Harry sat me down at his father's desk and pulled up the digital files for the company.

"I have not. I mean sure I've heard speculations and whatnot but not any concrete evidence. Why?" I replied.

"There was once a scientist that accidentally stumbled across the multiverse while doing research for my father involving clean energy. My father was curious and had said scientist drop his other project and begin looking more into what they found." Harry said.

"So you see Peter here got robbed in this universe. In every other universe he gets bitten by a spider and gets special powers. This universe someone else did. We haven't found one yet but I know there is a universe out there where my father is alive.".

"So were they able to see into this multiverse or what did they do?".

Harry pulled up the file and stepped over towards Peter while I read. After a few moments Harry looked over at me and must have seen the shock on my face as I slowly learned what they had discovered while exploring these universes.

"So what are you trying to find a way into the multiverse in the hopes of trying to fix what's wrong? Or find yourself a better universe?"

"That's precisely what we plan to do." Peter sneered from the corner.

"How though?!".

Peter stood up from his chair and sauntered over and sat on the desk and showed me a small device.

"We believe this device can help us. But we aren't sure how yet. But we know you can help us." Peter grinned at me.

I was starting to panic. Sure I probably could help them use the device but it felt so wrong. But I felt they were trying to rile me up into revealing who I am willingly. I stared up into Peter's eyes pleadingly. I have always loved Peter, even if he preferred Gwen Stacy over me, and I hoped that maybe I could get through to him but I sensed something was different about him. Both boys loomed over me making me feel trapped. I began to assess my escape routes just in case.

"Mary Mary Mary, I really didn't expect you to make it so easy on me." Harry chuckled. He was flying above me on the same glider his father had used.

"Why do you need to go to another universe Peter? You're strong and smart. Maybe see if this person would accept your help?" I suggested.

Both boys looked at each and grinned. Thankfully at that moment one of the oscorp workers stepped in and pulled them both away. Without a second thought I grabbed the device and disappeared out the window. I used my spider powers to climb down the building. Once I was on the ground I hid in the shadows of a dark alleyway as I quickly tore off my clothes revealing my suit that I usually kept underneath my clothes to help hide my identity quickly. I decided to run back to the only safe place I knew, my dad's secret lab. I was so close to the lab that I began to think I had gotten lucky and escaped them. Just as I turned the last corner an explosion knocked me off my feet causing me to collapse to the ground. Groaning, I got back up on my feet as I heard a malicious laugh coming from behind me.

"And you're insane I can't let you use this! I figured you already knew who I was and I'd take my chances on escaping you." I shouted back at him.

Before he could respond someone grabbed me from behind, making me drop the device. Harry began flying in towards the device.

"Let go of me!" I shouted.

Using all my strength I elbowed whoever it was roughly in the chest causing them to let me go. Hurriedly I grabbed the device and clutched it to me tightly. I ran as fast as I could even though I knew Harry would be flying behind me. I got not even half a block away when something sharp came flying at me and sliced into my side. I crashed to the ground in pain. I rolled over clutching my side. I swore that I saw someone in red and blue rush towards Harry who was coming at me before I passed out from the pain.

#spiderman fic #spiderman multiverse #harry osborn #peter parker #original character

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laughing-with-god · 3 years

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The Unsaid Vow (Prologue)

Synopsis- You always knew when you weren't wanted. And the way things are going in your marriage with Jungkook, a divorce is looking more and more likely. While he's getting closer to a woman at work that you're certain he's having an affair with, you're planning your escape with your four-year-old son. However, five years of marriage did not expose you to a certain side of your husband. A side of Jungkook that only gets triggered when you try to leave and break apart your perfect 'family'.

Warnings- Yandere behavior, graphic language, violence/murder, women bashing on other women, heavily implied infidelity, bad parenting, absent father, broken family vibes, very slow buildup bc Jungkook doesn't really snap until you leave him so just give him a min lol, inexperienced author writing for a four-year-old (I never wrote for a kid before pls gimme a break), also I chose my future son's name for this fic but pls feel free to name him whatever you want :)

Slow burn Yandere Husband Jungkook

Word Count; 5.4k

Unlike the vast majority of married couples, neither you nor Jungkook donned wedding rings.

Never in your five years of marriage did you regret this decision, given it was brought upon by you and your husband’s lack of funds for fancy wedding bands at the time of your rushed marriage.

Well, you were never annoyed....until tonight, that is.

The scene before you was exceptionally intimate, so much so that you felt the instinctual need to look away in respect of the two before you.

The woman was gorgeous, effortlessly attracting all the attention the small conference room had to offer. In addition to this natural charisma spurred on by her borderline enchanting looks, her short and skin-tight red dress showed off her pleasantly curvy body. Her long, silky, and jet-black hair was pulled back into an elegant ponytail that provided a simple background for her darling features. Utterly doll-like was her face; petite, creamy in complexion with bright doe eyes and berry-pink lips.

Such a beautiful woman was currently in the arms of an equally, if not more so, attractive man.

He was tall and slender, yet not at all lanky given his sturdy build that was a testament to his strict workout regime. His olive skin was complimented with occasional tattoos, a mix of faded and fresh ink that you knew like the back of your hand despite only the tats on his hand currently showing in his crisp Valentino suit. His mid-length inky black hair was down to frame his sharp face, and indeed it was a very handsome one consisting of full eyebrows, bow-like lips, a fleshy yet impish nose, and two large, yet seemingly bottomless, raven orbs.

This man had his arms encircling the middle of the mysterious woman, her expression lifting into a light-hearted giggle as she leaned forward to whisper something in his ear.

Whatever she said must’ve been amusing to the man, given his usual stoic facade briefly melted away as he allowed a small smile at her words, his pearly round teeth peeking out for a split-second appearance.

If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that these two were lovers.

But there was only one problem with this scene.

That was your husband, Jungkook.

And that woman in his arms was not you.

As if sensing your distress and wanting to soothe your well-founded suspicion, Jungkook pulled away from the woman and ran his gaze across the room- only stopping when he spotted you. Your spouse then gestured at you, the girl following his line of sight and landing on you and your pitiful spot by the snack table. Her joyful expression briefly dropped for a blink-and-you'll-miss-it second, but she quickly plastered on another grin and nodded. The two then strode their way over to you, barely giving you enough time to steel your nerves and muster a polite purse of the lips.

Before you knew it, the woman was right in front of you with your partner at her side instead of yours. Much to your dismay, she was only more attractive up close, and you narrowly held back a grimace as she held out a hand in introduction. You took it and shook it lifelessly.

“Hello, you must be Mrs. Jeon. I’m Sana, Jungkook’s colleague.” Even her voice was pretty, musical and light to the ears.

“H-Hi, nice to meet you but please call me Y/n.” A brief and awkward pause as Sana briefly sized you up and down. “Um, Jungkook has never mentioned you….” you trailed off, side-eyeing your husband in hopes he would intervene and add context to this random goddess he’s thrust upon you.

Jungkook gracefully took his cue and explained, “Sana transferred from another branch out of the city and has only been with us for five months. I’m her case supervisor and have been taking care of her, showing her the ropes and whatnot.”

Sana didn’t even spare you a glance as she fondly looked up at your husband, coyly biting her lip and saying in a much softer tone that could've been just for his ears only, “And he’s been really good at taking care of me.”

You didn’t consider yourself a jealous stay-at-home wife who obsessed over the tiniest details between her husband and other women, but the double meaning behind her badly-whispered comment was enough to make you splutter in disbelief. However before you could even gather up the courage to ask just what the hell ‘taking care of me’ consisted of, two new faces waltzed up and joined the conversation.

“Are you all enjoying this fabulous Christmas party?” A tall, broad-shouldered but nice-looking man asked in a tone of familiar amicability.

You thankfully smiled up at him, having met him many times before.

His name was Jin, and he was the one who got Jungkook this job.

It occurred about five years ago when you first told Jungkook that you were pregnant. Being the romantic but overall good guy that Jungkook was, he insisted that you two get married so that your child could have parents who were at least husband and wife. In addition it would also lessen the judgment in your two families, which at the time was extremely appealing to you. You had agreed to marry on one condition: after running to the courthouse you two would need to move in together in a decent apartment with a room for the nursery. But getting an apartment would mean month-to-month rent, and Jungkook’s tattooing gigs weren’t stable enough to ensure that.

Jin was originally a friend of Jungkook’s older brother, but when he heard through the grapevine about the issue, he bought Jungkook a couple of suits and offered him a job at the corporation he worked at.

Now Jungkook made more than enough money to support your little family, and it was all because Jin took a chance on a college drop-out and his knocked-up girlfriend.

You opened your mouth to respond but were cut off by the unknown lady beside Jin.

“I’d say a little too much fun if anything. Sana and Jungkook, we get that you're the infamous office couple but maybe tone it down a bit, huh?” She joked while raising her brows at the close proximity between the two.

A long and tortuous silence swept the scene.

Jin glanced at you, pity swimming in his usually carefree eyes.

Not trusting your voice to say anything and desperately wanting to hide your face from the piercing eyes, you distracted yourself by taking calculated sips of watered-down eggnog.

“Daehyun...this is actually Y/n, Jungkook’s wife,” Jin told the lady in an uncomfortable voice.

You didn’t know what stung more, the fact that this stranger thought that there was more chemistry between Sana and your husband than with you, or that it was Jin who corrected this mistake and not Jungkook himself.

“O-Oh, well it’s nice to meet you.” Daehyun awkwardly said to you while avoiding direct eye contact.

You offered a tight smile, “Pleasure.”

Whatever gratitude you could’ve had for Daehyun’s clear embarrassment quickly vanished when the woman went on to continue, “I’m sorry. Jungkook never mentioned being married and he doesn’t wear a ring so I didn’t even know. I bet it must be interesting for his housewife to meet his office wife though, right?”

She laughed, not realizing that she only succeeded in putting a foot in her mouth right before stomping it all over your pesky little heart. The group didn’t seem to share your uneasiness, all three of them politely chuckling along to the lukewarm joke at your expense. Once again, you focused on your dwindling beverage to avoid the burden of speaking or even facing them directly, too scared that your miserable expression would be unanimously inspected.

“Well, we just came over to recruit you all for some karaoke!” Jin cheerfully announced, clearly trying to change the subject, “There’s a machine in the break-out room and it’s more fun to sing with a group.”

“More like you want an audience.” Jungkook wittingly teased, a handsome smirk on his face as Sana playfully scolded him with a push to the chest.

“I’ll take your jabs now Kookie because I know they stem from your insecurity that I can actually upstage you in the vocals department.” Jin rebutted in good nature, even letting your husband’s old nickname slip.

Daehyun and Sana both guffawed at this declaration, exaggerated disbelief present on their faces.

“Jungkook is the best singer in the office. He’ll upstage you without even trying.” Daehyun said in a tenor of utter confidence.

“Only one way to find out!” Jin brushed the comment off, pointing to the direction of the assumed breakout room, “Karaoke anyone?”

The so-called office wife nodded enthusiastically, taking your husband’s arm and looking up at him to plead, “Can we do a duet of that one song we like?”

Jungkook, for the first time in seemingly hours, shot you with a questioning gaze.

Be married to someone for a while and you’ll learn how to decipher what they’re trying to say with just mere looks. Your husband was wordlessly inquiring if you were going to join, if he should go along with the group or if you two should break away and do something else.

The ball was finally in your court.

Not wanting to be rude but needing to get away from these people before you lost your cool, you decided on a subtle excuse.

“I need a refill, but maybe we can meet you all later?” You said, shaking your empty paper cup as if to prove your case.

“Oh, well the drinks are right behind you.” Sana condescendingly pointed out, tightening her hold on your husband and began steering him towards the exit, “We’ll save a seat for you.”

Bewildered, you watched as Jungkook obediently followed her lead with the Daehyun girl trailing behind.

He didn’t even spare you a glance.

You wanted to be angry.

You wanted to storm up to your husband, yank him out of the clutches of his colleagues and practically drag him back home under the premise that he would never speak to Sana ever again.

But instead of a righteous rage fueled by the marital vows you two took, utter exhaustion bestowed upon you and prevented any instigation on your part.

Maybe earlier in your marriage you would’ve fought for his attention, but now you simply just wanted to go home and lick your wounds with the help of a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream while self-obsessing over Sana’s outrageous attractiveness. After all, who could blame any hot-blooded man for choosing that goddess over you? What could you possibly do but lean back and accept that she was the obvious choice?

Other than her being a knockout beauty while you were merely average on your best day, she had other qualities that made her a more appealing catch. She was most likely younger than you, obviously fit, more ambitious and professionally driven than you, and presumably has no kids.

Meanwhile, you were just an old stay-at-home mom who lived off of her husband’s paychecks while he fucked his coworkers behind her oblivious back.

Before you could draw more detailed comparisons between Sana and yourself, you felt a large hand place itself on the middle of your back, successfully guiding your attention to the only person who bothered staying by your side.

Jin smiled sadly at you, sympathy shadowing his expression as he gestured with his other hand to the empty cup still in your hold. “Let’s get you some more eggnog.”

You nodded wordlessly, still speechless from the interaction, and allowed the taller man to guide you towards the snack table. Jin then took your cup and refilled it himself, providing you the opportunity to pick at the catered food in some cheap attempt at stress eating. By the time Jin came back with a full cup, you were halfway done with a sugar cookie and eyeing the meatballs next.

“Here ya go,” Jin said as he handed over the drink to you. You took it and nodded in thanks but kept your eyes glued to the food, not wanting him to see just how defeated and tired your face probably was. But, Jin wasn’t going to let the whole thing go. “Y/n….I know what you saw and heard looks really bad but trust me….nothing is going on between Sana and Jungkook.”

You snorted. “It doesn’t just look bad, Jin. It was like they were practically rubbing it in my face. Him having an affair isn’t the problem, it’s the way they’re not even bothering to keep it down. The least they could do is be discreet.”

Jin’s jaw slightly dropped, “‘Him having an affair isn’t the problem’? Y/n, do you even hear yourself? Of course that would be a problem! Do you not care about your own marriage anymore?”

And there it was.

The big question.

Did you truly even care about this marriage?

Well, let’s look at the facts.

One: The disrespect of his alleged mistress was more offensive to you than the fact that she was a mistress.

Two: Jungkook dragging you along to this office Christmas party was the first time in over a year that he bothered to take you out.

Three: You two had humble beginnings and could barely afford food, much less wedding bands when you first got married, but now he was a very wealthy man and had no excuse for not buying you or himself a ring. Unless, of course, he enjoyed acting single around other women.

Four: And on top of all this, it had to be factored in how distant he has been with overwhelming work hours that prevented any alone time with your husband. Sex with Jungkook has been off the table for almost a year now.

But did any of this really bother you until tonight? The answer was a resounding no. You were willing to take all those burdens in stride but tonight it wasn’t just about the fact that you were the unwanted wife Jungkook got sacked with, it was the fact that you were humiliated and forced to face the type of girl Jungkook should’ve been married to all along. That was all you were truly upset about.

The conclusion that you indeed didn’t care about your marriage and haven’t in some time now hit you in a sudden wave, but in no way were you shocked.

Voice shaky and brittle, you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with Jin and say the one thing you always secretly thought but never dared utter out loud. “I-I guess I always expected it to end like this. When we were younger, he was always the popular one and all the girls wanted him. We were only dating for three months when I got pregnant, and if it weren’t for our son he probably would’ve dumped me eventually and left for another girl. But, he stuck around for his kid because he’s a good father. And I’ve been nothing but a burden to him for a while now.”

Tears began to blur your vision, forcing you to quickly duck down and quietly sip at your drink so as to not embarrass yourself even more.

You heard a shuffle and suddenly Jin was holding you, using both of his lengthy arms to cage you in and rest you against his broad chest. It had been a long time since a man had held you like that, and you practically went boneless at the contact. You closed your eyes and tried to will away the incoming tears, even going so far as to solely focus on the scent of Jin’s cologne as he soothingly said, “Y/n, listen closely to what I’m about to say. You and Hugo were never a burden to Jungkook, and you two never will be. Your marriage was sudden, but it doesn’t make it less valid than any other marriage out there. Jungkook has been with you for so long, he just doesn’t realize when other women are interested in him because he’s been off the market forever. But I promise you, if I knew for even a second that he cheated, I would tell you right away.”

You didn’t say anything.

Although Jin’s words were comforting, they weren’t necessarily true. A marriage that started from a healthy courtship and true love instead of inconvenient circumstances was of course more valid than yours. And even though you were sure of Jin’s honesty and loyalty to you, Jungkook could’ve easily kept his affair secret from Jin as well.

However, you didn’t wish to concern Jin anymore. You already put him through too much awkwardness tonight and didn’t want to keep him by your side as some sort of emotional sponsor any longer than you already have. Jin always loved parties and was the life of any one he was invited to, even if it was just a lame annual office gathering. You then felt guilty for putting Jin in a situation where he would even have to console you when he should be out enjoying karaoke with the rest of his coworkers.

You promptly pulled away from Jin and wiped at your face. He released you and also took a step back, carefully studying you for any signs of further turmoil. Once sure that your face was acceptably dry, you gazed back up at him and offered a thankful smile. “Thanks Jin, I’m sorry I just dumped all of that on you. I really have to use the ladies' room though, can you point me to it?”

“It’s right by the conference room,” Jin informed, pointing out the general direction for you. You nodded and took a few steps toward it before he grasped your wrist to stop you and ask, “Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just find you and Jungkook when I’m out. Go and join the others for karaoke.”

Jin nodded but seemed unsure.

You didn’t look back to see if he actually went to follow the others, instead just advancing to the restrooms, secretly looking forward to some alone time even if it had to come from a public bathroom.

Once you entered the restroom you were relieved to find it completely empty, you weren’t sure if you could handle another run-in with Jungkook’s female colleagues. They all seemed to have a personal vendetta against you.

Instantly, you dashed to the mirror to inspect your makeup, assuming at least the mascara was ruined from your little cry. Thankfully, the damage was minimal and you were able to clean the smudges up with a damp napkin. You focused all your attention on the dreadfully small task, trying not to study your reflection too much given it would just conjure up more mental comparisons to all the other prettier women you encountered that night.

Yet the small task couldn’t last a lifetime, and you had to resort to looking at your phone in search of things to do. You weren’t emotionally ready to go out and search for your husband, so you wanted to prolong your time in the bathroom. Although it hasn’t been that long since you left the house, you decided to text the babysitter for any updates about your son.

To Emily: Hey, is everything okay with Hugo?

It only took about 40 seconds for the teenage neighbor girl to text back an answer, clearly on top of things and overly eager to provide any updates.

Emily: Yes! He ate his dinner, took his bath and we’re about to get ready for bed.

Your motherly instincts were satisfied with that response, but it didn’t do anything to subdue your desire to return back home. Your thumbs briefly hovered over the keypad, somewhat hesitant with the next text you were about to send.

To Emily: Great, thanks again for doing this. Listen, I think we might head back home sooner than we thought. Don’t worry tho, I’ll still give you the pay for the full four hours.

Before you could wait for a response from her, the sound of multiple incoming footsteps interrupted the steady silence in the restroom. Muffled female conversation could also be heard, the slight laughter and bickering amongst a group of women approaching the bathroom. Your fight or flight instinct was triggered, and to avoid any more awkward encounters you rushed to the nearest stall and shut the door- fully prepared to wait out the faceless group of female colleagues.

You heard the restroom door swish open before the women burst in, chatting and giggling with their heels clicking against the tile floor. One of the unknown females made way to the stall beside you, the others presumably hovering by the mirror if the sudden comments about their appearances were anything to go by. You quietly sighed and pulled out your phone again, ready to drown out their office politics talk.

Only for the conversation to somehow steer towards you.

“Did you see her?”

“Of course, I was very confused, to be honest.” One of them replied. “I mean….look at Jungkook and you just assume that whoever he’s with is drop-dead gorgeous, and she was just eh.”

“Yeah, she was pretty plain. What was her name again?”

“Y/n.” A third voice cut in, this one eerily familiar to you.

You glued a hand over your mouth to silence your gasp.

It was Sana.

“Did he ever mention her around you? You are the closest to him in the office Sana, and we didn’t even know he had a wife until tonight.”

“No, I didn’t know until tonight either.”

“What?! That’s insane. Literally all the time he spends with you: getting coffee, buying you lunch, driving you home after late nights, and he conveniently never mentions that he has a wife at home?”

“That’s suspicious. But I guess if I had a dog like that at home, I’d never mention her either.”

Cruel laughter from all of them.

The toilet from the stall next to you flushed, then opened as a new voice entered the discussion while she approached the sinks.

“It’s more than suspicious. He doesn’t even wear a wedding ring. And he’s so close to Sana but never mentioned that he’s married?” A pause as she washed her hands. “It’s obvious what he’s trying to do. Jungkook is trying to have an affair with Sana.”

Although this exchange was extremely hurtful to you, you felt somewhat relieved that you weren’t the only one to see what your husband was doing.

A pause hung in the air as none of the women spoke for a minute, they were willing to gossip but apparently outright declaring the obvious was a step too far for them.

Eventually, one of them chimed in with their own observation.

“Can you blame him? Sana you’re the most beautiful person in the office and you look so good next to him anyway. Much better than that cow Y/n.”

Another round of obnoxious laughter that broke your heart.

“C’mon guys. We gotta head back. Jungkook is gonna get anxious if Sana is away for too long.” Someone teased.

They all murmured in agreement, heading towards the exit as a group before one stopped them with a final question.

“Wait, Sana. If Jungkook does want to have an affair with you, what are you going to do?”

Although you couldn’t physically see Sana, you practically heard the smirk on her face as she said, “Who says we already aren’t having one?”

Needless to say, you ditched the Christmas party almost immediately after the bathroom incident.

You texted Jungkook a white lie about Emily struggling with Hugo, although a good father would’ve known something was up because your son had never given babysitters any trouble before. But luckily, your husband also wasn’t doing so hot in the dad department either.

You would’ve felt bad for not telling the truth if the truth wasn’t so fucking embarrassing.

“Hey, I’m gonna go home to cry like a little girl because I caught your coworkers talking shit about me. Oh, and also your little girlfriend accidentally let it slip that you’ve been fucking her this whole time. K talk to ya later!”

You grimaced at the thought of actually sending that text.

Sure it’s what that cheating bastard deserves, but you just weren’t emotionally ready for that fight yet. Especially after the night you endured, you needed some time to pick yourself up and figure out what to do next.

Divorce was the next logical step, but you were financially dependent on Jungkook. If you moved out and took Hugo with you, where would you two stay? How could you afford to be a single parent? And if Jungkook were to try to fight you for custody or the divorce in general, you would need a damn good lawyer. Unfortunately, lawyers weren’t cheap, especially one that stood a chance against Jungkook and all his wealth.

Your shoulders sagged with the imaginary weight of all these burdens.

When you entered the high-rise penthouse that you called home, you were surprised to see Emily anxiously pacing the foyer in waiting for your arrival.

“Hey, how was Hugo?” You greeted politely, already opening your clutch to pull out the agreed-upon salary.

“M-Mrs. Jeon, I swear I tried to have him in bed by eight like you said but he’s being stubborn and said he won’t go to sleep until you come back and read to him-” The teenager rushed out all at once, clearly nervous that you would scold her.

You held a hand out to stop her rambles, using your other hand to give her the money, and offered her what you hoped was a comforting smile, “It’s okay, Em. Thanks for doing this on such short notice. Why don’t you run home now and try to enjoy your Christmas Eve?”

Emily looked relieved that you weren’t mad, gratefully taking the cash before grabbing her jacket and shoes to make her exit. “Thanks so much for this Mrs. Jeon. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas.” You farewelled while walking the young girl out, locking the door behind her.

You turned around and proceeded down a long hallway that led to the bedrooms, stopping at the door beside the master room which belonged to your four-year-old son. You opened it to peer inside, the familiar deep blue walls with painted-on sea creatures greeting you back, swiftly reminding you once more of Hugo’s obsession with the ocean.

Your son was bundled up in a twin bed so big that it practically drowned him, his small frame barely being recognizable in the large fish-printed duvet wrapped around his tiny frame, only his small and adorable face peeking out to stare right back at you.

Hugo was essentially a carbon copy of Jungkook. At first you were somewhat resentful about this, how was it possible that you carried a baby for nine months and he came out with absolutely none of your features? But after a while of watching Hugo grow up and come into his own slowly but surely, you were pacified by the conclusion that while he may look exactly like his father, his personality and heart took after you.

“Dumpling, why did Emily say you were giving her a hard time and wouldn’t go to bed?” You asked gently, sitting by his side and petting his black hair.

‘Dumpling’ was a nickname you chose for Hugo since you first found out you were pregnant with him. It stemmed from your sudden pregnancy craving to eat dumplings and nothing else, you once even going two straight weeks surviving off the food. There were many times where Jungkook had to bribe you into eating other things, playing on your guilt for not providing your baby all the nutrition he needed. But even now ‘Dumpling’ still stuck, if Hugo’s chubby cheeks were anything to go by.

“Mommy, I-I’m sorry but-” His big doe eyes looked up at you in teary guilt, “I really needed you here. It was a nece-necess-”

“Necessity, bub.” You finished for him, grinning at his attempt at a big word.

Part of you wanted to scold the boy for being difficult, but you didn’t have the heart to. Lately, Hugo has been more clingy to you than ever before. Yet it was practically impossible to punish him because Hugo has always been a good kid and you knew deep down that he didn’t act out unless there was something else going on. You suspected that it had something to do with the lack of his father’s presence that forced him to hold onto you like his life depended on it.

“Well try not to do it again, okay? Emily is a nice girl and she’s just following my orders when she tells you to go to bed.” You said, ducking down to peck the crown of his head and continue running your fingers through his hair.

Hugo nodded in understanding but ultimately stayed silent, basking in your cuddles.

All was silent for a passing moment, and while Hugo enjoyed his mother’s touch, your mind gradually returned to the turmoil that was your marriage.

A sudden epiphany struck you and bit your lip as you debated an idea.

Should you expose your son to your future plan?

The victim of any divorce has always been the children who were left behind. And the last thing you wanted to do was blindside Hugo. Perhaps you should play the hypothetical game just to see where your son’s head was at? It went without saying that Hugo was closer to you than Jungkook and you were more of a parent than your husband. But still, every kid deserved to have a say in their parents’ divorce.

“Bub, how would you feel if….it was just me and you?” You hesitantly inquired.

“What do you mean mommy?” Hugo titled his head in bewilderment and craned his neck to look back up at you.

“What if me and you went away to live together?” You clarified.

“Like a va-vayca-”

“Vacation? And no. But forever. Just me, you and no one else.” You whispered, as if Jungkook himself would storm in and catch you planning your escape with the toddler.

“Oh.” A pause as you could practically hear the mechanisms in his four-year-old brain trying to work out the logistics of what you just proposed. “Okay.”

The nonchalance in his youthful voice had you taken aback.

“It’s a really big decision, Hugo. You wouldn’t mind...not living with daddy anymore, right? You would hardly ever see him, dumpling.”

The boy shifted to lean more of his body against you, essentially resting against you with his head on your chest as he said, “But it’s like that already, mommy.”

Your heart broke.

You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer to you, feeling a maternal instinct to comfort and protect.

“Okay Dumpling. I need you to promise me not to tell daddy what we talked about.”

“”Kay.” Hugo yawned and closed his eyes, inhaling deep breaths of your scent and beginning the process of falling asleep. “When do we leave?”

“It’ll take some time, bub. You start school in a few months, so mommy will try to find a job while you’re there.” You told him, not bothering to try to explain the concept of a lawyer or apartment deposits on top of that. “But we can do this. It has to be a secret but you're my partner in crime.”

“Like spies?”

You chuckled, “Yeah, like spies. Promise to work with mommy in utter secrecy?”

You held up a pinky, one that Hugo grasped with his own.

“Promise.”

Author’s Note: So....A while ago before I took my long ass hiatus, I did a poll for which yandere story I should write next. The Unsaid Vow won but that was around the same time that shit hit the fan in my life. Recently was scrolling through my notes on my phone and found some of the plot points for this story and I needed a lil break from QQ. Plus I know so many ppl were hyped for this concept so....Here ya go lol. This is kinda short but it’s just a set up, Chapter one’s plot line will start a few months after this when Hugo will start kindergarten and Y/n will actually start looking in to jobs, lawyers and apartments. Also I’m sorry but I’m really bad at writing for kids lol, and I absolutely refuse to write that gross ass baby talk so just pretend your son is a lil genius okay? Also srry Once but I needed really pretty girls to be villians in my story so yeah, Twice girls in here aren’t likable but aren’t reflective of how i actually feel about them lol.

Big thanks to @sushireads once again for creating the cover art for this fic. They literally are becoming my go-to for fic art.

And my beta readers @bigbuffjoonie and @mustardpop! They beta’d for QQ and I came to them really early about this fic. They were with me since the beginning and have given me advice with creative choices to just simple grammar. They easily could’ve leaked the first draft of this too but they didn’t and kept it secret for a while. I was really insecure about getting out of my comfort zone with this plot but they really guided me.

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