my parents are disappointed in me to a degree that hurts to think about & i am slowly going broke & i cant be with my boyfriend most nights even though i hate hate hate sleeping without him & my room is a mess & i can't find a job & everything in life is terrifying to me

TEMPORARY THINGS, chapter 2

More pounding on the door. You blink a few times--fuck, had you been asleep this whole time? 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” You shout groggily, pulling yourself off of the cozy, white duvet. You wipe under your eyes and smooth over the crown of your head as you approach the source of noise. “Oh,” you sigh when you find Maggie on the other side. “It’s just you.”

“What a cheerful greeting,” she makes a face but steps inside. She shrugs off her coat and pulls off her hat, from the look of her and the fading daylight outside your window, a gloomy London day was about to become a rainy London night. “We got out late, I haven’t even been home yet because…”

You glance at her over your shoulder when you move towards the kitchen, burying the lead. Typical Maggie. You’d already spotted a tea kettle on the stove, a cup would definitely help you wake up.

“Because?” You prompt, moving to fill the kettle. 

“Because…we should go out tonight.”

You glance out the window quickly. Did Maggie forget that your day technically started…yesterday, in New York?

“...Out tonight?”

“Who are these from?” She sees the flowers on the kitchen counter but you’d already put the card atop your dresser. 

“Oh--Jason, actually.” You say it when your back is to her, thank god. You didn’t think you could hide the heat you felt on your cheeks or the curious look in your eye.

Jet lag, you decide. Deliriously tired and completely out of sorts. Your brain had interpreted his smiles as flirtatious when really, he was being polite and professional and you were just jet lagged. 

“What a sweetie!” she coos when you turn around, hands on the island. “You’re going to love him.”

“Yeah, he seems nice.”

“So sweet--he’ll be out tonight, too.”

“Right,” you remember her evening proposition. “I don’t know, Mag, I’m exhausted and I don’t think my brain is fully with it anymore.”

“Everyone from the show is coming,” she pouts. “Not everyone, but like, everyone I like.”

You turn the burner off when the kettle starts to whistle, taking the bait: “Who’s everyone you like?” 

“Poppy and some of the girls from hair and makeup, a bunch of the guys from the cast--the team, they’re a blast. Jason, Brett, Juno, Greg and Briony, I think, too.”

You find cups in the cupboard, pull two out when she offers her best puppy eyes. “Will I look like an asshole to everyone if I say no?”

She lets her head flop from side to side in uncertainty. “No--I mean, you just got here today so I think people understand that you’re jet lagged. But,” she holds up a finger. “Our cast and crew is notorious for rowdy Friday nights, and it is when most of the bonding happens.”

You watch her and let out another deflated sigh, she knows you’re a sucker for team bonding and making a good impression, and she’d never be too proud to use it against you.

Which is exactly how you wound up in the back room of a pub in Notting Hill. You’d already met Briony--a 23-year-old London native who landed the job of a lifetime when she applied to be an Assistant II, the spot right beneath yours. 

Maggie had taken a liking to a Briony, which wasn’t shocking when you watched the two of them down a beer and bicker about the ranking of a local football club. Maggie loved seeing herself in other people, and anyone who looked up to her? Game over.

Briony was young and impressionable but smart and determined, a bit wide eyed at the entertainment lifestyle, still, but that always took a few years to wear off. 

You’d met Hannah right when you walked in, she greeted you with excitement and you pretended she wasn’t intimidatingly beautiful and tall. She’s fucking hilarious, Briony smiled. 

Now you take reprieve in a corner and listen to Phil and Maggie catch up. In a way, being here is work. Existing in the circle, getting to know your surroundings. Especially at this stage in the game.

At some point right before 9pm, Jason strolls in with someone you don’t recognize, a hoodie and sneakers and you wonder if you should have told Maggie about the flowers and the card.

He makes his way into your tiny group and lets an arm slump around her shoulders when he smiles down at you. “You didn’t give a color, so I hope I did okay—you know, seeing as I was left to my own devices.”

Maggie and Phil are too wrapped up in their conversation, so you laugh and decide you’ll match his demeanor. Jet lag plus alcohol? The professional side of your brain recognizes the risk, but your mouth ticks into a smirk involuntarily.

“Next time I’ll arrive early and buy my own,” you tease him, a playful roll of your eyes to let him know how apologetic you were for his trouble.

His eyes scan your face a little now, the pub is loud and you wonder how many hours a person can be awake before they’re deemed clinically insane. 

“Maggie said you worked for a Real Housewife?”

You nod, take a sip of the cocktail that was shoved your way when you showed up. “Kyle Richards—she’s very sweet and she was the best boss I’ve ever had, so—"

“Big shoes to fill,” he comments, a quick pause before he corrects: “high heels?”

“Either way,” you smile.

“I guess, though…” he reaches up and lets a finger comb over his mustache. Did he keep it year round? What did it feel like when—

“I guess since it’s a temporary position, your contract does outline that I am not actually your boss. Your work for your agency, not me.” He lets his eyes meet yours when you smile up at him, a tiny shrug of his left shoulder. 

“Kyle will be very happy she gets to keep her first place ranking, then.” 

“Poppy!” Maggie’s excited shriek makes both you and Jason turn to see her. She dances in place, opening her arms when a petite brunette slams into her.

A big hug--Jason gets pulled aside by Brendan--and you’re introduced to the woman who makes us all look fit as fuck, as Juno puts it when she excitedly trails behind her. 

Poppy's chic—leather flare pants and a blouse that accentuates her waist. Sure, you hadn’t been here long, but there were a few obvious things so far:

Maggie is close with Poppy and Briony. In fact, it would appear that they are some of her favorite people on set. 

Maggie is also friends with Juno and Hannah--two of the stars on the show and the exact type of strong women Maggie is a magnet to. You trusted, for now, that one day you’d be less intimidated by them.

There was an overall sense of unity, specifically between the women (which was dope), and among the entire cast and crew.

All good things, you decide. So you have another gin and juice and then trail behind them when someone suggests a relocation, somewhere more private and less likely to result in hey, aren’t you those people on that show?

So, on your first night in London, you end up sitting on the floor of Jason’s living room when Poppy and Juno ask you a million questions. 

“America--alright, whereabout?” Juno asks with an eager smile and a red solo cup in hand. She's cross legged on the carpet, you swallow another gulp of your drink and realize that the alcohol is likely solely responsible for your consciousness at this point.

Total waking time: going on 22 hours.

“New York,” you nod. “Born and raised, but I’ve been living in LA for the last few years.”

Poppy’s a bit wide eyed, probably from the vodka. “New York, like New York City, New York?”

“Maggie and I grew up in a small town called Peekskill--right north of the city,” you say this and see Maggie glance over at the sound of her name. “Maggie is Peekskill’s biggest fan.”

She rolls her eyes theatrically at this, groans in protest when you giggle at the drama. 

“Oh come on,” you laugh. “If it wasn’t for that town we wouldn’t be FRIENDS!”

“And if you weren’t friends, I wouldn’t have an assistant right now,” Jason says with a smile when he comes in from the kitchen—a glass of wine in hand that he soon offers to Hannah.

“Right, Maggie,” Hannah looks over and points a finger at your friend. “Don’t ruin this for all of us, we need her! Jason won’t be sane without her.”

“That’s gonna go straight to her head,” Maggie looks over at you, an unimpressed glare when you show a toothy grin. 

“Nobody told me I was saving the day,” you flutter your eyelashes in jest and Hannah cracks up.

“Big head already,” Maggie comments. 

“I don’t think I knew you were from New York, Maggie,” Jason looks over at her now, a cup in his own hand when he settles beside Hannah on the giant, modern sofa. 

His house is cool. Modern like the architecture in LA, but decorated with Brooklyn flair cool. You’d probably never admit it to anyone in the room, but you googled the shit out of him before your flight out here. 

When Maggie called and asked if you were even interested in a gig like this--someone less A-list than you previous clientele--you did your best to avoid the internet. If there was anything you’d learned after 8 years in the industry, it was that tabloids and headlines paid no mind to the truth. 

And, besides, you knew yourself well enough that googling Jason for weeks on end before moving across the ocean for a temporary job would only make your anxiety skyrocket. 

So you waited until your ass was firmly planted in the airport and through security. A glass of red wine from the business lounge and a sweatshirt made your internet reading less creepy and more cozy. 

“Oh, unfortunately,” Maggie sighs. “I’m more of an LA girl at heart.”

“That is true,” you back her up. “Which, personally, I won’t ever understand.”

“Me neither,” Jason agrees, his eyes on you when he spoke. “The people are weird, no privacy.”

“Something tells me Maggie loves the flashing lights,” Brett teases, a smile in her direction. Was there…something between them? Maggie rolls her eyes at Brett but lets Briony jump in. 

“Y/N, have you ever been to London before?”

“I have,” you nod with a smile, actually quite touched that the whole group seems to be interested enough to listen. “I’ve been for work a few times, but--never longer than a week or two. I’ve never spent a lot of time exploring.”

“Skip the London Eye,” Brett waves it off. “Gherkin’s much better.”

Another round of drinks and more teasing from Maggie until almost 2am--you smile at the way everyone says goodbye: hugs and cheek kisses and promises of see you Monday!

When you pull on your coat by the front door, Jason has a hand on the knob. “We should probably hang out tomorrow.”

“Yes,” you nod quickly, reaching for your phone to edit a calendar or set an alarm or something. “I can come here, bring coffee, what time?”

He laughs, a smile at your offer while Maggie and Juno giggle about something unintelligible in the doorway. “Yeah--sure, 10am?”

“You’ve got it,” another nod. Now Maggie reaches her hand for yours and looks up at Jason. 

“You’re welcome by the way. You’re going to love her.”

You catch the corner of his mouth pull up into a smirk, heat on your cheeks at Maggie’s choice of words. 

But Jason nods. “I believe you.”

**

The sun glitters through your shutters when you check your phone the next morning. 7:24am. You know within a few seconds that you’re awake for good: the time change and the still-packed suitcase on your floor demands it. 

So you walk to a corner cafe for your first cup, sit cross-legged on your hardwood floor and pull out sweaters and dresses and jeans. You swiped some mascara on and walked the two and a half blocks to Jason’s right before 9:45--your knuckles rapped on the door and you didn’t think, for a second, that being early might be a bad thing. 

Birds chirp in the morning sunlight, brisk and chilly at the start of spring. Steam billows up from the two hot coffees in hand--Briony texted you his order last night when she stumbled home.

“Hey, hi--I…overslept,” he blinks down at you a few times once the door swings open. His hair’s messy, a sweatshirt he must have tugged over at the sound of the doorbell. In a….hot way. 

“I can come back,” you blink up at him, a small smile in awkwardness when he shakes his head and steps aside. 

“No, no, no--it’s my fault, come in.”

You step into the foyer and clock the photos on the wall that you missed last night: family members, friends, moments he wanted a daily reminder of. He takes the coffees from you with an appreciate smile, walks over to the living room and sets them down on the circular table atop the plush rug. 

It’s different in the morning light, a tall plant in the corner and art on the walls, Hannah’s wine glass still sits on the end table where she left it. 

“Sorry that the only London sight you’ve seen so far is my living room,” he laughs a little, the first sip and a nod of recognition when he realizes you already know his order. 

“All good,” you shake your head and sit in the armchair across from him. “I’m happy to be here, excited for a change of scenery. S’only the first 48-hours, anyway.”

“The U.S. just get old, or somethin'?” He teases, another slow sip and a smile in your direction, this one, you can tell, has more curiosity behind it.

It's early. Early in the day, early in your relationship with Jason for you to be divulging the gritty details of how your life cracked open a mere six months ago.

So you give him the 30,000 foot view truth: “That and my whole life, apparently. Seeing as I agreed to this job with, like, two weeks notice.”

He nods now, eyes wide at your joke but still rolling with it. “Yeah,” he sighs when he relaxes on the sofa, “I can relate.”

A moment of awkward silence. He goes for another sip in the exact moments you realize it’s probably up to you to make the conversation start flowing--seeing as Jason’s eyes are still half closed when he takes his second sip. 

“So what made Jessie a great EA?” You sit back and watch as he lets your question sink in. His pointer finger traces along his mustache, like he’s a little caught off guard but still happy to answer. 

“She always laughs at my jokes,” he smiles, a quick glance up in your direction to see how it lands. 

“Okay, so…flattery,” you nod, throwing in a playful smirk. You curse yourself, silently, for the warmth beneath your ribcage at the sight of a dimple on his left cheek. 

“You can call it that if you must,” he rolls his eyes but then laughs and exhales, slowly. “She’s great, organized…which I am not always, by the way.”

You appreciate his honesty, watching when he glances out the window but keeps talking about your predecessor. “She’s very punctual, has a wicked memory--like, really good,” he nods.

You reach for your coffee and narrow your eyes. “That or calendar access, right?”

He laughs at your joke, “right. You had that meeting with her, yeah?”

The meeting that you agreed to even though it was at 6am your time because they were all over here in London. The meeting that you took alongside your morning cup of coffee and the meeting that had you, now, seated in Jason’s living room on the other side of the world. 

“Yes,” you nod, “and I’ve got your work and personal calendar, she gave me a whole binder to study.”

You pointed over to the tote you’d had on your shoulder upon arrival, remembered thumbing through pages before you tried to close your eyes on your flight. 

“If anyone handed me a binder and said, ‘go handle this man,’ I would have run for the hills.”

More melting of whatever anxiety sits in your chest. Levity in the room despite the fact that you still have a good impression to make and a lot to catch up on. You’ve been here only two days, but something tells you his cast and crew moved like a well-oiled machine. Or a friend group. A well-oiled friend group. 

“Yeah, well, Maggie loves coming to work. Which means you must be doing something right.”

He smiles in a way that shows your words mean something to him, like that’s a real compliment and not just your attempt at sucking up to the boss. Who you, under no circumstances, should think is attractive. 

“Can I show you around?” His eyebrows lift when he stands from the sofa, before gesturing over his shoulder to look into the backyard. 

Big glass panels--doors, you assume--that opened onto lush green grass despite the March cloud cover. First he leads you into the kitchen, slick counters and wood grain cabinetry before he shows you the fridge.

“This thing talks--but only sometimes, when it wants,” he presses the fridge. Drawings pinned up with magnets, a rainbow and a soccer ball, three stick figures with a dog. 

“I have two kids,” he says what you already know--it was in the binder. “Owen and Stella,” he smiles. “A lot of back and forth, between me and their mom--but that’s been…doable.”

Recent, you remember Maggie mentioning their split a few Christmases ago and the resulting headlines. Now, standing in his kitchen, you feel bad for the quiet house that was starting to feel more lonely than chic. 

“Onward?”

Another nod before you follow him down the hall to the main suite. A nice space—meant for two but he still left a mark on the otherwise empty room. Books on the bedside table, change beside a bottle of cologne on the dresser and a belt that didn’t quite make it into the closet is lifeless on the floor.

A bathroom with a fancy tub, said closet that was the size of your first apartment, an upstairs hallway with guest quarters and office space. 

“Make yourself at home,” he smiles once you land back on the ground floor. “You’ll have to, y’know, so let’s skip the awkward phase.”

“Skip?” You feel your eyebrows raise as you say it.

He walks towards the living room again, coffee still in hand when he returns to his spot on the sofa. 

“You tell me what I can do to make your life easy and I’ll tell you what you can do to make mine the same.”

“Only I’m getting paid,” you challenge, glad to feel comfortable enough to be yourself. A good sign, really. The same way you felt after you met Kyle.

“True, yes—that’s correct,” he laughs. 

You eye him for a second, the smirk on his face told you he liked whatever was happening between the two of you as much as you did. 

“So then, what should I know about this week?”

He thinks on it for a second, bites his lower lip before he makes eye contact. “You’re gonna get sick of me, fair warning.”

“I believe you,” you nod, borrowing his words from the night before, a twinkle in his eye when he catches it.

“I’m there every morning by 6:30am. Seven if I’m reaaaally draggin’.”

“Got it.”

“First mark’s at 8, usually, but I need that time to look, you know, put together.”

“Uh huh,” you open your phone and jot things down: 8am, 6:30am, 7am, the address of the studio that you’d already memorized. “I’ll need the code to the house and a probably business credit card, I think that’s all you haven’t given me.”

You glance up for a second and catch him looking at you, eyebrows raised, like your aura lit up the room or he wasn’t expecting your demands. Unreadable and you don't like it.

“Yes, yeah,” he clears his throat a little bit but still smiles. “I will get you both of those things.”

This is the moment you decide it’s best to leave, you know, not overstay your welcome since you showed up and he was still in pajamas. You stand and shoulder your tote bag, make small talk as he follows suit and soon you’re standing in the doorway just like you were last night. 

“I hope the first forty-eight have been okay.”

Your eyes narrow from momentary confusion, your head tilts. 

“Hours,” he clarifies. “In London.”

“They’ve been good,” you answer genuinely before adding a dose of sarcasm. “Been stuck in one guy’s living room, so I’m excited to see some sights today with Maggie, catch up on some sleep this weekend.”

He chuckles quietly and smiles, a wave of anticipation in your gut when you realize how good it feels to make him laugh. He’s got a hand on the knob and tugs it open, adding: “Brett was wrong, by the way.”

Your brow furrows when you step into the cool morning. 

“The Gherkin’s good, but my favorite view is this hotel--The Shard--they’ve got a great bar at the top.”

The corner of your mouth pulls into a smile, a feeling in your gut, again, that has you desperate to know more about Jason and the show and this world Maggie loved living in. But for now you have to leave. 

One last smile and wave in farewell, “good to know.”

**

Sunday morning had you at brunch with Maggie and Briony, mimosas poured in Notting Hill when you applied chapstick.

“Okay,” you cap it and smile between them both before you bring your drink to your lips, cool, calm, collected. 

They’re desperate for details, you can tell Briony wants to hear about your meeting with Jason and Maggie will take anything. 

She’s already certain you’d soon be thanking her for the gig of a lifetime. You tread lightly: “So, Jason’s pretty nice, seems cool so far.”

“Right,” Maggie narrowed her eyes for a second, looked over to Briony for back up before asking: “why do you sound so weird while saying that?”

You shrug and sip before redirecting, thankful for the sunglasses on your face due to sunny sidewalk seating. “Just settling in, Mag. I spent a solo hour with him yesterday.”

This tumbles out of your mouth before you realize you kept this from Maggie for hours. A whole afternoon of London by tube and dinner with Poppy last night and your morning at Jason’s didn’t come up.

Or maybe you didn’t bring it up because you walked home with a smile on your face and felt like an idiot for realizing that you had a very stupid schoolgirl crush on your new boss. Or, not boss?

A crush that would fade, no doubt. One that was sure to be chalked up to a rush of adrenaline that came with a new city and a new season and your newfound status: single. Or, super fucking single, as Maggie reminded you yesterday.

Briony leaned in, “he’s so cool, such a fun boss.”

“He seems fun,” you say with a nod. “I brought coffee.”

“You brought coffee?” Maggie leans in like you might as well have just told her you showed up naked on his doorstep.

“Yeah…” you eye her, aware that Briony’s head is on a constant swivel between the two of you. “Should I not have brought coffee?”

“No, no,” she shakes her head. “I’m just shocked to hear you’re such a kiss-ass for once. Especially with your new boss.”

“Technically,” you hold up a finger. “He’s not my boss.”

“What do you mean?” Briony asks. 

“I got this job through an agency,” you remind her. “And Maggie, obviously.”

“Obviously,” she takes a sip of her mimosa before leaning back in her chair. 

“So since it’s contracted out, I work for them, technically. Which makes Jason…”

Maggie understood, she’d worked long enough in Hollywood to fill in the blanks for Briony. “The guy you work with and the guy who’s orders you follow,” she giggles now.

“But not the guy who writes my check,” you smile. 

“Ugh,” Briony groans, jealous of the perks that come along with the EA title and the years of grunt work you’d already put in. “One day I’ll make it to the promiseland.”

“And until then you have Jason as your boss, so, I think we’re all doing okay,” Maggie teases. “Anyway,” she redirects. Leave it to Maggie to not give it up that easily. “What did you guys talk about yesterday?”

Her question feels casual, but you’re not sure how much to tip your hat. “Work,” you shrug. “And I’m not a kiss ass.”

“Y/N L/N?” her eyes go wide in jest. “Never!”

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list

AN: CHAPPIE 2! Okay! A decent amount of you have requested a tag list simply because you're not checking tumblr every day. And you all know I love to give the people what they want, so, JOIN THE TAG LIST HERE. Very excited to get the ball rolling with this story, would love to hear any and ALL thoughts :) :) :)

//hey friends. looks like I needed the weekend away from my computer. I had no muse and focused on other hobbies and tasks (yesterday Jamie and I spent the day running errands and hanging out and it was really nice to unwind with him - he woke me up with Tim’s breakfast he got for us, it was a good day). today I have an in class essay to write from 6-9pm and have to go to the pharmacy but I would really like to try bringing muse back later if I can.

I still haven’t really come to a decision about work though I think I’m getting closer. my gut is telling me to put my two weeks in now. and to take a few weeks at minimum off of work. just focus on the end of semester, do my assignments and take care of my mental health. then I can apply for jobs and take it slow. my mom thinks I may need to take a few months off to recover but I’ll have to look into what my options are (maybe if I stay jobless I can get a bigger osap loan to help with rent during summer sessions? no idea). I just dont have the energy anymore. under the cut I’m going to post what happened saturday. it’s long so don’t feel inclined to read if ya don’t wanna. I just wanted to get it out there//

so r, my supervisor started at 7am. I started at 8am. we had three open shifts throughout the day, with an operator set to come it at 9am and another at 3pm, then the manager, k, at 4:30pm. pretty baren schedule. well, the 9am tells r that she isn’t coming in today, so it will literally just be the two of us all day. naturally we panic because we can’t handle calls alone! and what about our lunch breaks! only one person will be on? that’s not fair! so r calls k and asks her what to do. k says to contact two other operators that don’t work saturdays and ask them to come in.... okay, helpful. neither of them answers us.

so we do what we can. thankfully call volumes are pretty low. k comes in at 11 and bumps our breaks up and she covers them. she sends me a message saying something like “thank you for doing this today. can you take lunch at 12 instead?” and I ignored the first half of her message and just confirmed the lunch time because I’m mad at her.

I come back from lunch and all hell breaks loose. k left and wont be coming back until 2ish. so its just r and I again and o m g. we keep getting calls from one of our property management companies. the residents received a weird note about the parking passes and that their cars will get towed if they dont go to the office to update the passes or whatever but no one is at the office so everyone is standing outside in the cold so their cars dont get towed. we took one disgruntled call and notified the property manager right away, as per our instructions. well, the calls wouldn’t stop. over and over residents called screaming at us. we have a queue of 5-8 calls for an hour, they won’t stop. after so many people yelling I snapped and just started bawling. I messaged r that I need a breather to take my medication so I leave for a few minutes. she apologizes and tells me to take my time. by the time I come back it seems to have quieted down.

then k comes in and she messages me another thank you message and I couldn’t handle it. I told her that this isnt easy or fair and this past week has drained me and I can’t continue working under these conditions. she apologized for the girl calling in sick, said she didn’t know that would happen, and that she tries to get people to come in. I said that my point is bigger than just today though, we’ve been understaffed for ages and haven’t brought anyone new on. we had three open shifts before she called in sick - thats a problem man. she said that she has the board outside (basically a wooden standup in the plaza the office is in that advertises that we’re hiring) and hasn’t found anyone yet. I got mad and said ‘look, I don’t think the board is sufficient. do you have an ad on indeed or kijiji? I referred someone to you and you passed on her, as have other ladies here. something more needs to be done.’ well she didn’t like that. she called me right away and was extremely defensive and was literally crying. she said that people hired need to work in the office for 3 months to see that they’re a good fit and that’s why she didn’t take on my referral (my sister who lives out of city, but its remote work so why does that matter BUT OKAY) and I said ‘K, I’m not attacking you. you can train however you like, I’m just bringing it up to say that us as operators have tried to help you with hiring and even that isn’t enough.’ she said that its been so hard and she’s doing all she can and blah blah blah. I told her frankly it isn’t enough. I shouldn’t have to be thanked for working BARE BONES shifts. I shouldn’t have to take 40 calls in one hour like I did last week. I told her I’m tired and have nothing else to give and that I’m being honest with her. she knows I’m a student, she knows I have depression and anxiety issues. yet she’s going to cry to me about how hard things have been???????? she didn’t want to talk or acknowledge my feelings, all she said back was “I guess I have to try harder” and I said YUPP and hung up. she immediately went on DND and didn’t take calls until I was about to leave for the day. 

so yeah I’m done. a manager that has been with the company LONGER THAN I HAVE BEEN ALIVE can’t take suggestions? complaints? concerns? can’t just listen to her employee without taking it personally? hm. yikes. I wrote my resignation letter and am just debating how I want to go about this. I’ve been with the company for 5 years. I can’t take it anymore. the callers are tough already, now my boss has to pile on and not hire. I shouldn’t have to be thanked for dealing with this shit - just don’t put me in these positions!!!!

i met you in the dark. 02

summary: Jungkook was rich and well dressed. The perfect target. But, everything changed once you decided to steal from him. And you’re beginning to find out he’s not exactly who you think he is.

pairing.: jungkook/reader also namjoon/reader

word count: 3.5k

genre: angst/ mystery/ drama/humor

Part 1.  Part 2. Part 3.

Chapter 2: Stolen Goods

The warm breeze hit your face and filled your lungs with air. As the bus went faster and the wind moved simultaneously, you closed your eyes. For a slight moment, regret rushed through and you wished things were different. The reality of almost getting caught, regardless of how small or large that chance was, left you feeling hopeless and slightly ashamed. A very rare feeling for you.

The “if onlys” started rushing in and they were inevitable to avoid. You wondered how different your life would have been if you weren’t alone from the start. Would things change if you had parents to support you? If you had a home you were comfortable in? If you had money and didn’t need to resort taking from others? The impending anxiety of these questions became too overwhelming so you forced your eyes open.

When the bus stopped, you strolled out slowly as a cloud of confusion and despair hovered over you. Usually, the walk to your apartment took about 5 minutes, but today you wanted to walk by the river. The calming nature of the water was definitely refreshing. However, it also left you feeling envious. A part of you longed for that comfort and calmness in your own life. As you walked by the edge of the river, you noticed people laughing, smiling...being happy.

But, it wasn’t long before the noise and laughter faded and the only thing you could hear was the sound of your own breath. It was heavy and fast, similar to the millions of thoughts that crossed your mind. As you tried to compose yourself and forget about the hotel, your eyes traveled to a couple sitting next to you on the grass. Their bright smiles were terrifying. How on Earth was it possible to be that happy? The thought lingered in your mind for a while before you turned your gaze away from them and pulled out your phone.

“Fuck it.” you muttered as you typed Seoul Park Hotel into Naver. You clicked their careers page and saw the receptionist position listed. The apply box was at the very bottom of the page. Apply. A simple yet devastating word. Part of you wanted to exit and forget about the job, but when the interaction with the girl replayed in your mind, you couldn’t help but feel infuriated.

Your rage fueled your desire to prove her wrong. In an instant, you attached your resume and clicked apply.

“Fuck.” There was no going back now, so you got up and went home.

Like usual your closet spaced apartment had no heat. There was also no point in calling your landlord because you knew he didn’t care at all. To begin with, your apartment wasn’t rentable. There was one sink that you used for connecting your showerhead and also washing your dishes. A living area which was also served as your bedroom. And a mini fridge next to a portable shelf filled with plates and packets of ramen. That was basically it. So, your apartment wasn’t actually an apartment and a human being couldn’t actually be happy living there. But you still felt blessed that you even had a place to sleep in, something that in the past wasn’t so easily available. This messed up blessing was all thanks to your grandma. She used to be neighbors with your landlord and asked him to let you stay here. Granted you did have to pay rent, but he reduced it tremendously because of her. Even though he should have regardless because this place was horrible. Nevertheless, you were thankful, you truly were. But with it still being cold outside and absolutely no heat in your apartment, it was hard to remain positive.

As you were about to get all bundled up in bed and call it a night, you suddenly remembered that you forgot to take the watch and wallet to the pawn shop. The watch was a good $200, which would cover your rent for the next 2 months. And the genuine leather wallet would be an additional $40-70. You checked the time on your phone and saw it was 8:13pm. The shop closed at 9pm. In about 30 seconds you grabbed all your stuff and bolted out the door.

“Hello,” you called out as you made your way into the pawn shop. The owner, who usually worked the front, wasn’t in today. In his place was a guy that looked about your age. He was wearing a baseball cap that hid most of his blonde hair and a simple white t-shirt. He replied with a hello but his gaze remained fixed on his phone.

“I’ve got some stuff,” you casually said as you dug into your backpack. Again, you noticed he wasn’t really paying attention.

“So where’s Mr. Kim?” you asked as you placed the wallet on the counter first and then the watch. He finally put his phone down and lifted his head up once he noticed the items in front of him.

“He had something to do,” the guy replied nonchalantly as he picked up the watch. To be honest, you were surprised by his deep voice. However, it wasn’t intense. It was soothing and calm.

After examining the watch he picked up the wallet. You were surprised when he started trying to grab something inside of it. “What’s this?” he asked curiously moving a key around in his hand.

Your eyes turned bloodshot. You completely forgot you had placed the key back in the wallet.

“Oh..um..sorry must have put my key in there by accident,” you tried to explain grabbing it from his hand.

He looked at your frantic expression for a few seconds before letting out a slight chuckle. “So...you put your key...inside of someone else's wallet..by accident?” he sounded out.

You were taken aback by his carefree inquiry. “Listen, I don’t know what you’re trying to say but that’s my wallet,” you tried to defend.

“Why would you be selling off your own wallet at a pawn shop?” he continued to question playfully.

“That’s none of your business,” you stated coldly. He didn’t say anything this time. Instead, he put down the wallet and picked up the gold watch. “Don’t tell me this is yours too?” he asked with a clear rhetorical tone to his voice.  

You rolled your eyes in disbelief. But, just as you were about to respond, he cut you off. “It’s okay. I don't really care if these are yours or not” he stated all of a sudden. And for some strange reason, you believed him.

“Wonderful,” you said throwing a fake smile.

He went back to looking at the items now. “So $80 for the wallet and $300 for the watch,” he stated.

You were shocked because that was definitely more than you expected. Typically Mr. Kim gave you a low value, so this was surprising. 

“Thank you,” was all you could say. He opened the cash register slowly, looking like he was thinking about something.

“I’m just curious-” he began. “-Why not just show this stuff off?”

His question was unanticipated so you didn’t reply right away.

“Because I need the money,” you finally said truthfully.

Now, he was the one who looked shocked. “Why do you look surprised?” you asked noticing his confusion. “You do work at a pawn shop. That’s kind of the whole point of this business.”

“I guess you’re right about that,” he chuckled.  

As he gave you the money, a thought popped up in your mind and you had to ask him. “Would you?”

“Would I what?” he asked.

“Would you show this off?” you reiterated pointing to the watch and wallet.

He looked straight at you and you realized how intense his eyes were. They were dark and piercing for sure.... but definitely not empty. In a way, they made you feel comfortable.

He was now leaning slightly across the counter with his hands folded. “I think-” All of a sudden the door opened and a middle-aged woman walked in. He gave you a smile and lifted himself up. “Next time,” he said before greeting the women.

You put the money in your bag. “What makes you think there will be a next time?” you wondered.  

“Something tells me you’ll be back,” he coyly said as if he knew the secret you were trying to hide.

-|-

It was 8 am and your phone starting ringing. In a groggy, half-asleep state you picked it up not knowing the number that was calling you.

“Hello?” you murmured.

“Hello, is this Ms.Y/LN?” the male voice on the other line asked.

“Yes. Who’s this??” you asked annoyed since it was so early in the morning. It better not be another spam call.

“I’m the manager at Seoul Park Hotel. We got your application a couple of days ago. Are you free anytime soon for an interview?” he explained.

You instantly shot out of bed. “Yes...Yes, I’m available. When can I come in?” you asked enthusiastically. This was completely surreal.

He paused. “Give me one second.”

You were left to your own thoughts until he returned. As you thought more about the conversation, you realized his voice was familiar. Then all of a sudden he came back on the phone and your thoughts diverged back to the present moment.

“Would it be possible to come in today at 11am?” the manager mentioned. His voice was definitely familiar.

It was such short notice, but you didn’t say anything. This was your one shot. “I’ll be there,” you confirmed.

“Great, see you then,” he stated.

You hung up the phone and ran to the bathroom to shower and get ready. The true challenge, however, would be figuring out what you were gonna wear.

As you scrimmaged through the pile of clothes across your bed, you realized that you had absolutely nothing except for jeans, hoodies, and t-shirts. But out of the corner of your eye, just as you were about to give up, you noticed a dress. It was the dress Grandma had gotten you after your first met her. It was your only option at this point.

It was a light blue wrap dress with pastel flowers, You had no idea what you were supposed to be wearing to these things, but anything was better than jeans and a hoodie.

Now the struggle was going to be finding shoes since you only owned sneakers. The cleanest shoes you found were a pair of black, slip-ons. You decided on those.

Even though spring had arrived, it was still cold out. You rummaged through your coats and found a leather jacket. It wasn’t entirely professional but at this point nothing you had on was. You put on the jacket, grabbed your bag, and headed out the door.

As you were about to walk down the stairs of the building, you stopped dead in your tracks. “Fuck my resume,” you remembered.

In the chaotic pursuit of figuring out your outfit, it completely slipped your mind that everything you had written on your resume was a lie. You checked the time on your phone..it was 9:30am. That meant you had about an hour left to memorize everything.

-|-

Scrolling through your phone,  you re-read the fake resume a dozen times. You muttered all of the information to yourself hoping it would stick in your mind somehow.

“Okay, Sogang University. Management degree. Past Experiences include....” you were suddenly blanking on the experiences you listed. You glanced quickly at the document on your phone.

“So I worked at a department store. Managed a local restaurant, and did freelance work. Okay. Easy enough. I got this. Department store. Restaurant. Freelance.” you kept repeating those three words hoping that if you said them long enough they would become part of you.

The bus stopped and in a frantic state, you looked out the window. You ran out, realizing this was your stop. When you looked at your phone you saw one hour had already passed.

Seol Park Hotel was in one of the most reputable areas in Seoul. As you walked down the street, you noticed elegantly dressed and seemingly pretentious rich people. They were all carrying their designer bags and wearing their expensive jewelry so carelessly. It would be so easy to pickpocket them. But, you tried to bury that inclination and instead walked past them normally.

“Wouldn’t even have anywhere to hide it,” you thought to yourself.

You were standing in front of the hotel now. When you looked up at the twenty-something floored glass building, there was a small part of you that didn’t want to go in. The paranoia of seeing the guy from the subway again began to set in. You stood outside for about 10 minutes before you noticed people staring strangely. Despite your hesitation, you buried your feelings and walked in.

As you got closer to the desk you saw the girl from last time there. “Great,” you gritted through your teeth.

“Hi, I’m here for an interview with the Manager,” you stated giving the fakest smile as you tried not to say anything too offensive.

“What’s your name?” she asked less than enthusiastically while avoiding any eye contact with you. It seemed this was her regular personality.

“Y/N.”

She typed away on her computer. “Okay, take the elevator to the 2nd floor and wait for the manager there,” she explained looking up at you. As she did that, her expression changed and her eyes widened.

“You-” she began to say. But before she could finish her sentence you walked away and made your way to the elevator.

In contrast to the extravagant lobby, the second floor was more simplistic and modern. You got out of the elevator and sat down on the couch that was positioned parallel to the windows. It looked like you were the only one on the floor.

You were beginning to feel anxious. It was five past 11 and the manager still wasn’t showing up. Giving in to your restlessness, you kept looking at your phone every few seconds trying to see how much time had passed. Then, as your eyes were glued on the time, a deep voice spoke in the distance, “Sorry I’m late.” You got up quickly, startled at the suddenness.

As you put your phone inside of your bag and looked up at the man, a rush of panic ran through your body. He also stopped cold, noticing you as well.

“Pawnshop?” you stuttered as the guy from the pawn shop stood in front of you. He looked surprised as well, but after a few seconds, he relaxed and walked over to you as he was doing beforehand.

“Well, this is a surprise,” he started laughing at the situation.

“Wait so you’re the manager?” you asked confused. “I thought you worked at the pawn shop.”

“I was covering for my father that day,” he explained nonchalantly.

Your eyes widened even more. “Your father? Wait, Mr. Kim is your father?” you asked in an even more confused state.

“He is,” he confirmed.

“Wow,” you said aloud, which led him to laugh slightly.

You noticed your dazed expression. “Sorry, this is just a strange coincidence,” you admitted.

“Not really. I told you I’d see you next time,” he replied with a hint of confidence in his voice. Your fingers curled at the cringy way it came out.

You forced a weak laugh. “Yeah...”

After a few seconds of silence, he spoke up. “Anyways let me formally introduce myself. I’m Kim Namjoon, the manager here at Seoul Park,” he stated extending out his hand. You bowed slightly and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you..again. I’m Y/N.”

“Alright Y/N, follow me and we’ll start the interview,” he stated turning slightly and pointing towards a door at the end of the hall. You nodded your head and followed him inside.

Once you were both sitting down, he opened a folder and pulled out your resume. Now you were nervous.

“You know I’m kind of surprised. I didn’t expect such a strong resume,” he mentioned looking over the piece of paper.

“Thank you, neither did I,” you stated jokingly, hoping he didn’t notice the sarcasm in your voice.

“Well, you should be proud. All of your experiences are perfect for this position,” he commented.

There was a slight pause. ”But to be honest, what really interested me was your experience with VIP customers at the department store,” he added reading from the resume.

You nodded your head in agreement, but internally you completely forgot that you had written that. “Yes, it was a very challenging and rewarding position. I learned a lot by working with VIP clients,” you lied.

He put the resume down. “Oh? Like what?” he questioned as he leaned back onto his chair.

You gripped onto your bag tightly and tried to think of something to say. “Um... I would probably say how to interact with VIP clients,”

But as that explanation came out, you noticed Namjoon didn’t look impressed. “And how to steal,” you nonchalantly announced. Instantly his head popped up. “What?” he blurted, worried by your answer.

“Not that kind of stealing,” you said laughing. “What I mean is that all VIP clients have money to spend. And at my last job, I learned how to give them what they wanted but also what they needed,” you tried to rephrase. But Namjoon looked completely lost.

“I stole their money by essentially making them spend their money on things they didn’t necessarily ask for,” you continued.

His demeanor changed and he looked more reserved. “And you don’t see anything wrong with that?”

As you thought about his question you weren’t sure if it was a trick or not. Were you supposed to say that there was something wrong?

You decided to go with your gut. “No, I don’t. Good customer service is recognizing what your client needs without them having to say it to you.”

His eyes lit up when you said that. Your gut was right.

“I agree,” Namjoon said giving you a slight smile. He opened his mouth to say something, but awkwardly paused and looked down at his desk.

“So I want to be completely transparent with you,” he finally said. “The position you applied for is a bit different from what the job posting actually mentioned online.” You quirked up your eyebrows in confusion.

“It is a receptionist position. But it would be for the VIP desk at this hotel. So you would be in charge of all VIP related activities,” he reassured noticing your perplexion.

You nodded your head slowly. “I see.”

“I’m sorry this wasn’t in the description. But it’s a discreet position because you’ll be having a lot of interaction with VIP clients. So we didn’t want just anyone to apply,” he tried to explain more sincerely.

“No, I understand. I’m fine with that,” you emphasized.

“Great! So we’ll contact you in a couple of days to let you know when to come in for your first shift. And you’ll get your schedule and everything else then.”

“Wait?..I got the job?” you questioned surprised. Namjoon nodded his head in response as he got up from his chair. You also got up.

“Wow..um thank you. I really appreciate this opportunity,” you stated fathomed at the situation.

“You deserve it,” he said. His words were sincere which made you feel very vulnerable somehow.

Namjoon followed you out of his office and pointed towards the elevators. “See you next time,” he added as you were about to walk off.

You smiled.

The elevator came and you got in completely overwhelmed. You lean your head against the wall. Somehow it was taking longer than normal to arrive at the lobby, so you lifted your head to check the box that read off the floor numbers. It was going up. When you checked the buttons, you realized that you had pressed the wrong floor number. The doors to floor 11 opened up and a man wearing all black walked in. He was also wearing a hat so you couldn't see his face properly. But by his muscular build, you expected his face to be attractive.

As you moved back to give yourself some space, your eyes traveled to the floor. That's when you noticed it. The gold ring.

A huge knot formed in your throat and your eyes unknowingly traveled to look at his face again. He stared back at you with a sinister look in his eyes that made you nauseous. Before you knew it, he grabbed a hold of your wrist and threw your arm up to his face.

“Where’s my stuff?!,” he spat through his clenched jaw.

Azores to Falmouth - or nearly

The Azores are lovely, and deserve much more than the few days we gave them.  Another time, perhaps.

Horta is the main port of arrival, the marina full of boats which have had big adventures. The social atmosphere is very relaxed; everybody here has ‘been there, done it’ to a significant degree, and the normal tensions arising from watching new arrivals – do they know what they’re doing, can they handle their boat – simply don’t apply.  It is difficult to explain – the nearest I can get is that when you pull in to a service station on the M1, there are no learner drivers. It’s a bit like that. A bit.

It is truly wonderful to get back to sensibly priced groceries, decent bread and cheese, and restaurants which don’t hustle you out at 9pm and expect huge tips regardless of the food, because the staff don’t get paid.

The Azores are volcanic: the centre of this island (Faial) is a huge caldera, which we drove up to in our little hire car, with John and Sue, and Carl. We circumnavigated the island, stopping to walk around the area of the 1950’s eruption, which inundated the old lighthouse and a small whaling village on the western end. Stopping for a great lunch of mussels, which Carl thought he didn’t like – disguised with prodigious amounts of garlic, they were a huge hit. Surprisingly green and rural, the island is charming, cattle everywhere.  The architecture is Portuguese in style, but mitigated with a more subtle use of the highly patterned tiles we saw in the mainland.

We left Horta on Monday – 17th- after waiting for a predicted blow to pass through. It was a bit of a non-event in Horta, but we weren’t the only ones to play it cautious. Stopping at the fuel dock was a bit of a game, with three boats already in place, and a wind sufficient to pop fenders on the inside boat, a crippled French boat with a broken stay – and, it has to be said, rubbish fenders. Still, the weight of three other boats pressing him into the dock under the influence of 20 knots was a bit much. The marina seemed blithely unconcerned; this is clearly quite normal.

We are now 400 miles out, about 1/3 of the way to Falmouth. The weather has been all over the place, with some flat calm, some fog, and now some windy, rolly conditions, with winds gusting up to 30 knots, and seas up to 4m. The boat is behaving very well, the hydrovane (mechanical wind-driven steering system) coping with most of what gets thrown at it, although you have to be ready to take over for the squalls. Thankfully, these mostly lie in wait for Carl’s watch, to the extent that he is the only one who preps for his watch by putting full oilies on.

Sleep deprivation has taken its toll on tempers - mine particularly. Doing 4 hour shifts nominally gives each person two eight-hour periods off-watch, which should be plenty, but when the boat is rolling hard, it is difficult to get to sleep and then stay asleep long enough to clear the deficit. Fitting in communal eating times also cuts into it.

The food has generally worked out ok, if I say so myself. Homemade bread and cakes (all right, the cake was from just-add-an-egg packets) most days, and cooked-from-scratch dinners most days. The Omnia (stovetop oven) has been brilliant, as has the pressure cooker. The boat oven has hardly been used.

Overall, though, I am done with long passage-making. The magical milky-way star-lit nights with phosphoresce sparkling in the wake as we bob along in a gentle breeze are an absolute delight, but sleep deprivation, uncertainties over the weather, and the physical challenge of cooking and doing the normal stuff of life while being thrown about are the norm – glad I’ve done it, but don’t need to do it again.

Really, really looking forward to getting to Falmouth; family and friends, a long list of jobs, and the prospect of some paid work for both of us; me in acoustics, while Mike will be looking for something boat-related. Berthing master at a handy south-coast marina, with a free berth thrown in, would suit. Not holding our breath, but no chance if you don’t ask!

26 June 2019

We’ve turned towards A Coruna, in the face of persistent north-easterly winds, and the threat of a full gale in the Falmouth area a few days ahead. Now making slow but steady progress, hard on the wind. Winds 20-25 knots, occasionally up to 30, from just north of east.

We were getting advice to divert from Falmouth to either (a) a point south of Ireland, then east, or (b) head direct to Camaret (Brittany, near Brest). In the event, neither option was really tenable – (a) put us in the path of a still unknown quantity, which at times threatened to be quite nasty, and (b) simply did not work – we could not make a course which put us anywhere close. All thoroughly fed up, some more than others; Coruna was the nearest available and attainable land. Carl can fly to London from there, and we will regroup and sort ourselves out before continuing home. So very, very ready to be not on the boat for a while.

27 June 2019

Motoring the last few miles into Coruna. Boring. And a slightly anticlimactic end to our Atlantic odyssey. We expect to arrive in the very early morning, perhaps 4am, and will probably anchor until daylight.

28 June 2019

So we got here, eventually.  Marina Coruna, north-west Spain. Tintin got in first, and were anchored just outside the marina when we arrived at about 6am local time. No dramas, apart from the night of no sleep for Mike, as the 50-mile (=10-hour) band around this corner of Spain is very busy with large shipping, and the alarm kept tripping every few minutes, all night. No danger, plenty of warning, but little chance of proper sleep. I got off best, lying down at 11pm, getting up for a few short-lived non-events, then up properly at about 5am to help get in to the marina.

We crawled into the first appropriate berth, had breakfast, and bodged around, all very grumpy and sleep-deprived, until it was time to check in, which -as usual- took ages.

Carl and I set about sorting the inside of the boat; laundry, damp cushions and mattresses, grime everywhere.  Mike got back eventually, and bodged about some more, in a foul mood, before conceding that the problem was lack of sleep. Carl went off on his own to explore, his one-and-only chance to check out this part of Spain, and, with luck, pick up some of the special fids (rope-splicing tools) he had been coveting since Mike showed him ours.

Partly revived by about 3-hours on the saloon sofa, Mike and I had a beer and a light lunch in the marina bar, while the first of several loads of washing did its thing. We bumped into Carl, on his way back to the boat for his passport so he could check in to his flight – he looks pretty dreadful – almost as if he’d had no sleep.

We were delighted to find Barbara and Simon (Cartagena friends) in situ in the marina, and I was able to have a coffee and a catch-up of sorts, promising to make a better go of it sometime in the UK – their boat is destined for a mooring off West Mersea! They fly home tomorrow, having decided that the current (wrong for sailing north) weather is set to last for at least a week. We shall see.

And phoning home, of course – got hold of everybody to some degree or another, only to find that Rachel and David had planned a big surprise arrival party in Falmouth, which we have utterly harpooned by not going there at the appointed hour. So very disappointing, but deeply touched that they wanted to make the effort.

So – we’ve been stuck in the Bahamas, stuck in Puerto Rico, St Thomas, the Azores, and now Spain. So far, Spain is by far and away the most amenable.

1 July 2019

Weather here is cloudy, and it has been quite cold today, with blustery winds from the north. Still no sign of any change in the conditions which would allow us to head out.

Have wasted most of the day watching films on TV, disheartened after finding all my stored-away warm clothes damp and covered in mildew. Some may be revived by a wash, but some are clearly trashed. Nothing valuable, just really, really annoying.

We had a lovely evening with Jacquie and Kevin off Tintin last night; good food, good company, lively conversation.

Intensely frustrated to be here, and not back in the UK – things to do, people to see… spending time each day on weather sites, but still failing to find anything useful.

Professional Practice - Reflections past 4 weeks

16/02/2020

CV - Checked but waiting for Adele to double-check it one more time

Industry research - some/not sure how still

Engage exercises - catching up 

Hyperlinks on evaluation form - ???

Apply for jobs/Freelance Work - Yes ( started working with Rut Blees - would like to find more than one but I have no time now)

Reflection past 4 weeks Tumblr - to be completed

Weaknesses - what is not working? -So far everything is working, I had already a CV and Cover letter done luckily I just had to get it checked by Adele. Although I had a bad experience in trying to get an internship with a photographer before, the communication between me and Rut went quite smoothly and I started straight away. I went to her house at 1pm on Friday where she asked me some questions about my self and my course and my interests, then she told me about herself and her work. She asked me if I was happy to help her with some archival work and I happily agreed. I spend 3 hours in her house putting together large-format negative matching with contact sheets and labeling them. To be honest, I loved this, it was relaxing and interesting to look at her work so closely as well as learning a way of organizing your work when it comes to negatives. She told me that I was great and very fast and organised which was a great feedback. After thats she asked me if `i was happy to go with her to an even that she organised and I agreed. We went to this very beautiful house in Angel where she organised a Photography print sales with her organisation called Hi-noon. I stayed there with her until 9pm helping around setting up the prints on the wall, learning about the artists, the work, the prices and what to say to the buyers. I helped filling up drinks and welcoming guests while listening and watching what was going around. It is been extremely interesting to see how the word of art and sales work in London. My weaknesses in this were the fact that I did not know how to behave in front of these people who make a big fuss about everything when it comes to art. Overall it is something I have been thinking about and I am not sure if I like or not/ if I want to enter this world or not, despite the fact that she emailed me 2 days after to thank me for a great job and told me that she will need me again. this gave me a lot of self-confidence. made me very happy and proud of myself self and maybe know knows, I will do it again.

Opportunities - what needs development - I guess I have to develop my confidence skills and try to get work experience in my comfort zone (studio) to demonstrate my skills / and one outside my comfort zone (location, events) to push my skills out.

Threats - what hinders you from progress? So far is the pressure from other modules, essays, projects, dissertation presentations, researches, the fact that I have a job on the weekend to pay the rent as well as my personal life. These are all factors that I keep in consideration when I think about putting myself out there to find a work placement right now. A bit comes from the fact that it will be probably unpaid and from the fact that I have no time. What confuses me the most is not being sure about the priorities at the moment.

( 1st day of work experience with Rut Blees Luxemburg in her house - working on archives - ON THE TABLE, HER PHOTOBOOK that she signed and gave to me as a present to Thank me!!!!!!!!!!)

( Archival work done by me, very organised!)

( Contact prints to be cut and matched with negatives)

( video of the place/ work)

( Rut and her team introducing their Artist Print Edition Platform HI-NOON with Susan Brice - Director of hundredheroines that celebrates women in photography today )

( Print on sale and prices )

Work life limbo

I had gotten food poisoning the day before the exam for the apprenticeship, I was bedridden for over a week. That was frustrating as you could only apply for that next year. So what was I to do until then?

I had immersed myself into anime and games, attended comic con and got into manga. It wasn't until October when my dad invited me to work at my uncles restaurant as they were short staffed.

I worked there for a period of 3 months, earning £4/hr, below minimum wage. Being my first job, working 10hrs my feet were not used to the aching and tiredness and on my first day after I came back home I went straight to bed.

The prices on the menu were really cheap, 50p for a cup of tea for example, takeaway £4-5, buffet 6.30. The job itself wasn't that difficult, aside from the immense amount of chilli oil burning my hands. My ezcema flared up constantly when working with my hands. At times I would argue with my father, he was a different person when he worked. Easy to anger, stressed.

Other times I would argue with one specific customer who would get away with eating the whole buffet and getting a drink for only £2.

Working for my uncle, it's easy to see why he made millions: exploiting his employees by paying them almost nothing. He had owed my dad money for years.

End of that year the restaurant closed down, it didn't seem to be making any money. I mean the prices were really low and the customers always complained they were too high.

My next job after that was CeX, I stayed for about 4 months earning the minimum wage of 5.30. The job itself was alright, but there were management issues. At times I would have my lunch at 5pm. A full 8 hrs since I last ate and 2hrs before closing. They had employed too many young staff at one point and had cut my hours. I wasn't happy about the hours cut and the staff they hired made plenty of mistakes. One of them wasn't taught properly and gave away 2 expensive phones worth 2k.

After earning enough money to build a new pc for £1000, I left and decided to try look for an apprenticeship again.

I went to Lambeth college on the apprenticeship open day, I had the intention of looking for a digital marketing job or a construction one. In the end I went for a month coding course to see if I liked it or not.

This coding course was the wrong choice. We had to make an app from scratch, it was difficult and it still had a ton of bugs. It was unrealistic for us to make something perfect after just a month of training. But we managed and overall it was a success. However when the placements came, that's when I lost interest. I did 2 placements one at mylondonhome.

Originally there was supposed to be one other person doing the project with me, however he dropped out and I was left on my own to develop an app. So I did the best that I could, I made a prototype and thought that someone else would come in to build upon that. However they expected me to make full fledged app in just 2 weeks on my own. They only paid me minimum wage.

In the 2nd placement I did have a team to work with, but because we were all new to designing and making an app we struggled. Some of the issues we had was that we had to tether our phones to get internet to do our job. The supervisor incharge never provided us with internet and kept bouncing us between 2 locations. After about 2 weeks he told us it was shite, all that work we had put in shot down. What do you expect when you're not provided the support or the tools to do your job. The team gradually got smaller and smaller and went from 6 to just 3 people. I had enough of that stupidity and even though they were paying living wage it wasn't worth my time. I had to lead the team for some reason and in doing so felt like I was doing most of the work. All that work amounted to nothing in the end.

I took a break from working after those placements left a bad taste in my mouth. Everyone thinks I love coding, sure it's fun when you get into it but when you're first experience with something is terrible is hard to convince yourself to beat a dead horse and go back to it.

Next year my through my dad's connections I gotten a job in a high class Chinese restaurant. He said they would pay £10/hr. He was wrong it was minimum wage. I did part time - 6 days a week part time.

This job only lasted 5.5 weeks, I was treated like an outsider by the staff. They were horrible and picked on me. Whilst trying to learn how to do the job they just laughed at me for being slow. All I ever did in that restaurant was grab a cloth, wet it with vinegar and wipe plates. I asked one of the employees who worked over 2 years if he ever saw a raise. He never had gotten a raise. The manager there was the most useless person in the restaurant and made the wait staffs lives a nightmare. He couldn't do anything himself, couldn't use Excel, couldn't take orders, didn't know what the food looked like. So every 5 mins he would pick on someone to do something. It got old and annoying fast. I then started looking for another job. On my final day at the restaurant the staff started arguing with me saying I left work undone and that they helped me but that was a lie. They had to be forced by the manager when I complained for them to help me. My hours were done anyway, I was no longer part of it so they could not force me. The very fact that they lash out on my last day reaffirmed that I made the right choice to leave early.

The job I applied for seemed promising and I thought they would of accepted me for the role. But instead they opted for someone whose used to work there because they had experience. So I was left hanging .

As usual when a job has screwed me over I would take a short break. So that's what I did, I went back to playing games and watching anime.

Sometime in the summer my brother's friend was doing his own bubble tea business and was looking for a helper on the weekend. So as I usually do I thought why not. It was decent I would earn £50 for 7-8hrs work, around minimum wage. We went to a Thai festival in that year, travelled all the way to bath. My first time in bath the buildings looked like something out of a Victorian film. One of the issues with making such a sweet drink in the summer was the number of wasps that would attack you. There were issues with the job, like the menu being massive and that each drink had to be made in such a specific way, to the millimetre even. The owner also had issues with wanting everything to be perfect and that he could the job perfectly but others could not. After the summer had ended, there was no more business to be had so I was left with nothing to do for awhile.

A few months later in November and a random charity worker knocked on my door looking for people to donate to a good cause. Considering I had no job or income I wasn't able to give. However he told me if you don't have a job why dont you try this job? So that's what I did I tried yet again.

This job was a very difficult job, trying to get complete strangers to part with their money by reading off a script. I would have to knock over 150 doors each night. Being the middle or November the nights were very cold. 150 doors is alot of doors to knock but getting people to sign up to something was like a needle in a haystack. After just a short 2 days of training by reading off a script and given the procedure to get people to sign up, on my first day I had no idea what to expect, but I wasn't given all the equipment I needed to do the job. I was told it was my fault for not checking. How was I supposed to know what I needed? So I lashed out at them for their negligence. I tried for 2 weeks, I believe 99% of my training group left the job. The issue with this job is that you need a high level of fitness to knock 150 doors. We had one person who was overweight and they could not keep up. I could barely keep up myself having asthma. I had no choice but to quit after 2 weeks as that was the probation period.

I took an extended break until summer time came once again. I was ask to do the bubble tea again and I did. This time the owner had a van especially for bubble tea making. We had planned to do another event, this time about anime camping. So I went to help him out with this, even helping him receive a delivery at his house when he wasn't able to. The next day I went in the car of his friend and for about 6 hours we had a system in place that worked really well. Come 6pm we would pack up swiftly and head back. I was given £50 that day. The owner then asked me if I wanted to help him out tomorrow and so I did.

Like I said previously about the owner he had issues. When we had arrived at the venue he had managed to forget the straws! How do you forget that when you're making bubble tea? So at some point in the middle of the day he had to dip out and travel back to his house to grab more. I was left alone in charge for about an hour. I wasn't able to serve people without straws and was stuck waiting for him. After he came back he kept nitpicking everything, if a drink was slightly off he would tell me to make the whole drink from scratch, slowing the production. He said that he would finish up business by 6pm. He was still serving even at 9pm! Plus we had to pack up everything into the van after. That took a long time, we started packing at 8pm and didn't finish until 11pm. It had already been well over 12 hrs working and then he stuck around to chat to people when I was clearly tired and frustrated wanting to go home. It wouldn't be until 1am that I would get back home. After that he gave me £60 for the 'hardwork'. Wait so you're telling me yesterday I worked 6hrs and got £50, but today I worked 10+hrs and only got £10 more? What the fuck.

So I started to question him, I would like another £20. He for sure made alot of money in that event, there was no way he couldn't afford to pay me correctly after I had helped him receive supplies at his house, went out of my way to help him days in a row. Even Manning the station for an hour because of the straws. Guess what he made up a long list of excuses telling me he paid me less because I made mistakes and that he didn't even need my help. Saying that travelling in his car actually cut into my wages. Some fucking bullshit I tell you. I thought that being my brother's friend I could trust him to pay me a decent wage for my work. I started to go through his list of excuses and cut his lies to pieces, that's what my brother gave me when he saw it. Afterwards he called me up and said 'whats your problem?. That was the angriest I had ever gotten over the phone. I started going through his bullshit and he tried to say that it was justified to pay me less because I had to sit in his car. Well if I had known that I had to pay a journey fee to work for him I would have never helped in the first fucking place . Afterwards I told him he better send me the fucking money and when he did I was done with his sorry ass of a man. His girlfriend started attacking me over social media saying that it was £20 extra. No if fucking wasn't, it was the minimum wage that I had earned. It's my right to earn the legal wage.

After that ordeal I took a extended break once again until next year...

Freedom- Limits of Restraint

August 2018 was charged with many memories. These memories were cutting in ways that I didn’t put them in my diary because I believed their intensity would never die off….

First week of August…., I had an interview with the admission committee of the department of Theoretical and Applied Biology at KNUST for a position in their master’s program. At the interview, I met one of smartest girls I know. She was easy-going, smart and pretty. Getting along with her in such a short time marked the genesis of me moving out of my reticence. Many people had complained about my reserved nature, so I was happy to get out of it finally. Interestingly, another friend I cherish would bring out how I talk too much later. Different persons engrave their barometers, shaped mostly by their own experiences and expect you live by those brands. These individual level standardization aggregate to form the societal constraints on the macro level. These constraints may aptly be a class of factors that affect life’s ‘navigability’ as described by the American Legal Philosopher Cass Sunstein in his book ‘On Freedom’.

Can humans be absolutely free? There are always structures which limit the freedom of humanity. In my own life, I have not been free, to say the least. I have always wanted to be a researcher. After my bachelor’s degree, I began working at the University Hospital of KNUST as a lab scientist, or ‘labman’. Some of my co-workers could attest that I was almost always absent-minded because I kept thinking of ways to generate hypothesis from the results I get from each patient’s sample. I made certain mistakes due to my inattentive disposition. My job as a laboratory scientist constrained me from doing what I love to do. My job was to find what and how, not ask why I am getting the results. To be free, I applied to grad school, where I could be trained to pursue a career in academia.

In academia, I would be able (or supposed to be able) to think freely, at least. Free thought has been the bedrock for scientific innovations and discoveries. Free thought has its roots to the Socratic Dialectical method. Socrates lived from about 470 BC to 399 BC, in a highly hierarchical society. At that time, his proposition of a critical free thought involving the use of reason, mind, senses to evaluate and challenge, in order to arrive at the truth was met with hostility from society. He was imprisoned and finally put to death. Critical free thought perpetuated, as evidenced by scientific innovations today. What needs further exploration is his imprisonment and subsequent death.

Academics  are immured by structures we call laboratories. Activities in a laboratory are regulated or monitored by others in different buildings who measure the works of researchers. These people are sometimes called administrators. Administrators use metrics to rate the performance of academics to determine who needs to be tenured, deserving a raise or needs firing for being unproductive. Upon digitization of life, these metrics which measure a researcher’s output, are likely to be found in the clouds. As delineated by Justin E.H. Smith, cloud based, algorithm driven measurement of  researchers’ efficiency by social-media-like platforms like GoogleScholar, ResearchGate, Academia.edu potentially divert the researcher’s attention. In the long run, they would focus on building their profiles (e.g by faking a smile behind the camera to use as a profile picture or hiring an algorithm to boost the visibility of their article in the cloud). Academics who do not live up to these metrics, are deprecated (imprisoned) or fired (death).

I do not intend to censure structures that restrain researchers’ activities or free thought. To be clear, unrestrained free thought can be very detrimental to science and society in general. A society with absolutely free living citizens may eventually crash because no one would appreciate the limit of their freedom, engendering chaos and wars. That is why there are always freedom-limiting structures to ensure living in harmony.

Life’s restraints

Even without structures, man is inherently endowed with values that control their activities.  Some of these values include the desires( affections, love), will and conscience, as described by John Abercrombie (not the guitarist) in his book ‘The Philosophy of Moral Feeling‘. Man is a moral being and these values which constitute man’s morality can either be edified or corrupted. Corrupted values are despised and individuals with corrupted values are outcast from society. Edification of values, on the other hand is favored and usually citizens are encouraged to cultivate such values. Institutions are therefore created to either punish individuals with unworthy values or provide guidelines for edification of values. One institution that has served this latter purpose for eons is religion.

The influence of religion in modern life cannot be understated. I grew up a Pentecostal. Unlike others who were ‘forced’ into their denominations or religions, mostly by their parents, I was ‘free’ to choose which denomination, and religion for that matter. Up till now, I do not know my mother’s church, my father may be a traditionalist. Regardless of the religion, the main focus of religion as an institution is to shape man’s moral values.

Shaping man’s values has also been at the center of ethics, the branch of philosophy that deals with morality.  Many philosophers of ethics have tried to conflate ethics, religion and humanity. Descartes mind-body dualism was an attempt to bridge humanity and ethics. David Hume’s philosophy in particular, was a kind that tried to connect religion and secularism. His was the kind that we need today, as secularism is on the rise.

Living freely- The end of restraint

Secularism is worldwide, especially in the highly cosmopolitan cities such as New York, Paris, LA or Miami. Last winter break, I took the tri-rail from Boynton Beach to Miami Airport, sitting close to the window pane where I could gaze through the moving land and ponder over my pain. I was travelling to New York for the winter break. The winter break was needed after a very daunting three months of academic work (As you may not know, I accepted an offer from Biomedical Science department of FAU ahead of offer from Theoretical and Applied Biology of KNUST for obvious reasons I don’t want to get into). The first semester was very difficult for me because I was in a new environment, experienced the cultural shock, struggling to blend in with my Asante accent, and many other constraints I intend to write about in another setting.  Miami is a beautiful city. It is the first city in the US I saw. As you might be aware, the US has very nice cities which are highly adorned and painted to the outside world as heaven, but I was a bit disappointed when I first got to Miami. After all, right after getting out of the plane, I Ubered to Boca Raton, how could I see all the beauties of Miami.

Indeed, in the course of the Fall semester, I visited Miami a couple of times with new friends I made in my new environment. The first time was to South Beach, my first time being at the beach (I come from Kumasi, a very reserved and land-locked city). We went at sun set so that the girls we went with could take pictures with the sun kissing their foreheads. Approaching South Beach, I got scared because of the tall buildings that seem to have been built on water bodies. Part of the road leading to South Beach was built on water as well and I couldn’t stop imagining scary things. When we got closer to South Beach, I saw things I couldn’t imagine. The extent of hedonism was indescribable. There were two males kissing on the streets ( TF? y’all should get a room ffs). Well, I was supposed to ‘enjoy’ the fleeting moment and continue my walk. So I took pictures with my friends.

  As we were taking the pictures a couple of well-wasted Mexicans decided to join us. One of them gave me his instagram for me to follow him.I followed him and any update from him would be him displaying a new drinking bar or holding a bottle of whiskey.

Well, that’s the whole point of taking pictures now. I mean the point is to show people that we are ‘enjoying’ life to the fullest.

The next time I went to Miami was when I was travelling to New York. I was excited to be seeing NYC. When I told my friend in Hong Kong, he was so happy for me. He told me he couldn’t wait to see NYC himself (Later, he told me he visited Paris, and I told him I couldn’t wait to see Paris myself). The point of telling others about the places we’ve been is to let awaken their interest in visiting these places.

I got to LaGuardia around 9pm and I was greeted by the windy, chilling weather. This was so unlike the usual Florida weather I was accustomed to (similar to the weather I have known all my life in Ghana). I could not get out of the airport until the cab was ready to pick me. I was ushered into my new place, on the fifth floor in one apartment complex in Merriam Avenue in The Bronx.

  Exploring New York was fun, partly because I did not explore alone. I was almost always with my bestfriend, Nana Aba. She was the first person to wish me on my birthday. The first time we met in New York, she had to come all over to The Bronx because she said I would get lost if I went to see her. Well, I got lost a couple of times though. Sometimes, I got on the wrong bus or train. Trains in New York are not like South Florida trains. Trains in New York are usually congested and it’s not unusual to find people standing in them.  They can be found underground (subways) and they run 24/7,  serving as bedroom for some homeless people, I learnt. The trains in South Florida are spacious; there are even spaces for bicycles, where people (like me) who love the planet and do not want to burn fossil to kill it can place their bicycles. Also, the seats are arranged such that you can stare into the space outside and clear your thoughts. Well, the disparate transport systems in the two locations depict the lay out of the two locations.

One day, I took the subway from The Bronx to meet my best friend at Manhattan. I met her at 59th Street, Columbus Circle after. We hired a tour guide (paid 60 dollars) to take us around Central Park. He showed us all the nice places. One particular place I enjoyed was the Bow Bridge. We witnessed about 4 proposals in the space of the three or four minutes we spent on this Bridge. As expected, I took advantage of the scene and took pictures of her. So here is my best friend at the Bow Bridge….

And if you want to see the entire Bow Bridge, I got you ( I know you could google it but its more fun if you see it here)

After touring Central Park, we went to a cinema at Broadway to watch a movie. Someone had suggested the Greenbook to me so I went to watch it with her. Imagine being the only two black people in the midst of whites, in the same room, watching GreenBook!!! Well, if you have not watched the movie, you might not get the point I’m trying to convey. It’s a good movie that you should watch.

New York was fun, in every hedonistic aspect of the word fun. I remember walking the Brooklyn Bridge in the cold. I remember going to a Korean restaurant, spending 15 dollars and being forced to eat all the food by ‘madam’ (I call my best-friend madam sometimes and you don’t have to know why). Oh! I nearly forgot when we spent all the night at Times Square enjoying the bright city lights and walking from 42nd Street to 57th Street. But like they say, all good things must come to an end so on the 31st of December, as the year was ending, I booked a ticket to go back to South Florida.

Dominance- The end of Freedom.

On my way back to Florida, I opened iBooks to read Why Nations Fail. In this book, Daron Acemoglu and James Robinson argued that nations fail because of factors when the economy is less inclusive or more extractive. Botswana, for instance is prospering more than the Rhodesian countries (Zambia and Zimbabwe) because the former has built a more inclusive economy.  One particular event is apparent throughout the book: that the trans-atlantic slave trade was a critical juncture that would influence the economic growth of most countries in West Africa. Slavery, generally is a depiction of the quest of humans to dominate. The scenarios surrounding the success of the slave trade corroborates this assertion. Kings captured people from other tribes during wars and sold them as slaves, in exchange for gun and gun powder, that would be used to make them powerful. This would help such tribes in territorial dominance, the same way as dominating trade, commerce and industrialization was the motive of the Europeans who engaged in this barbaric act.

Even though Why Nations Fail make the case for how slavery has contributed to the current economic and political inequalities around the globe, it failed to outline how it has contributed to what Elizabeth Currid-Halkett termed Inconspicuous consumption.  Inconspicuous consumption are obviously the intangibles, things we cannot see. These include knowledge, culture and to some extent technology. These are the spheres that humans are fighting dominate now. Regardless of tangibles or not, dominance is a human character which restrains others freedom. Others fight for their freedom by overcoming dominance.

Overcoming Dominance- Silver Spoon and Gold Medal

Different people have different things dominating their lives. To be free, they need to overcome these dominance. Some are born into well-to do families, where they are provided with everything they can think of. For such people, they need to overcome being fortunate. Others never get what they need. To get them, they need to break great bonds. Most of the people I know start breaking them after their Silver Jubilee. Others break them later in life. As we travel through this life, whether you were born on a silver spoon or wooden ladle, there is one motive; going for the gold medal. What is your gold medal. Mine is perhaps to write this for you. Find yours.

Till I write again……

Life After Silver… Freedom- Limits of Restraint August 2018 was charged with many memories. These memories were cutting in ways that I didn’t put them in my diary because I believed their intensity would never die off….

Love to Hate - Chapter 7

When Seth finally wakes up, he sees me and smiles

He asks “Like what you see?”

I slap his upper arm hard, he laughs.

I ask “What happened to the sweet guy from last night?”

He is still laughing “That guy has long gone”

I snap “Go and get fucked” I start to get up out of bed.

Seth grabs my arm. He asks “Where are you going?”

I snap “Away from you”

He asks “Can’t you take a joke”

I glare at him

He says “Alright, I’m sorry”

I ask “I thought you said you learnt the hard way? It looks like you still have a lot of learning to do”

He replies “I’m male, I do my best”

I say sarcastically “It certainly looks like you are doing your best”

He says “Hey now, don’t be like that otherwise you won’t get the chocolate I got for you”

I ask “You have chocolate?”

He laughs “That got your attention didn’t it?”

I ask sweetly “Can I have the chocolate please?”

He pulls me back down by the arm so I’m laying down next to him he says “You have to be nice to me”

It’s almost 4pm. Seth and I are on the couch, I look at the time, I tell him “I better go”

He asks “Why?”

I reply “I have got work that needs to be done”

He looks disappointed “Oh ok”

I smile “Cheer up, come around tonight about 8?”

He says “I would love to but I have to work tomorrow, I am planning on an early night tonight”

I smile “I do really need to go, I can’t put it off any longer. Thankyou for last night, that was really sweet’

He blushes “No problem”

I stand up and I tell him “I will see you later”

He replies “See you later”

I slowly make my way out to my car. The work that I need to do is at home. When I get home, the first thing I do is make myself a coffee and go outside for a cigarette. I didn’t think Laura was home, I was just basking in the peace knowing I wouldn’t get the third degree. It’s all she talks about. Every time she talks about it my head feels like it’s going to explode.

I hear the sliding door open. I groan loudly

Laura asks “What’s that for”

I groan “Just go away”

She asks “Have I done something wrong?”

I reply “Everytime I see you lately, all you talk about it the guy I have been with, I’m a little over it”

She asks “Why won’t you tell me who it is?”

I reply “Just not yet”

She says “Ok then, but don’t think I’m not going to back off until you tell me, if you are over me giving you the third degree, just tell me and it will all go away?”

I butt out my smoke and head straight inside to my cave. Seth and I are just friends, I know we have gotten really close lately, but the sex hasn’t changed at all. I really don’t want to tell her that I’ve been with Seth because the third degree won’t stop purely because Seth and I used to hate each other with a passion, that will be major gossip for her. I get everything done that I needed to without any interruptions from Laura. It’s a relief that I have caught up on everything. Now that I have finished, I relax on the couch watching a movie. Laura has gone to bed as she has to work early in the morning. It’s 9pm, I don’t know if Seth will be awake or not as he said he was planning on an early night, but I message him anyways. “Hey” I don’t get a reply, so I assume he has gone to bed. I stay up until early hours of the morning and wake up only a few hours later so I can go to work. It’s going to be a long day at work today, I’m not expecting myself to be home until midnight. The cakes that I am doing require an insane amount of time consuming detail. I can’t do that at home. I am lucky that I have a team who are more than happy to work until early hours of the morning. If the next day is a quieter day I will give them the day off, or if there is still a bit that needs to be done, I will give them a late start. It’s 3pm, I realise I am starving, because I haven’t eaten all day, I work through it because I need to get everything done. Other than quick smokes breaks, I have been working on the cake the whole time without breaks. I haven’t even checked my phone for messages. I finally do check my phone. There’s several messages from Seth and a few from Laura. Laura’s messages were just annoying, still harassing me about who I’m with. Seth’s last message made me feel bad.

“Have I done something wrong?”

I have to call him. I bring up his contact and hit the call button.

He answers “Hey”

I reply “Hey” than I say “You haven’t done anything wrong. I have been totally engrossed in getting this cake done, I haven’t checked my phone, please don’t stress”

He says “Sorry”

I say “Don’t be sorry, if you have done something wrong, I will tell you”

I can’t help but think that he’s been hurt this way before. Why would he think he’s done something wrong just because I didn’t reply.

He asks “So it’s been a hectic day for you?”

I say “You have no idea, I don’t think I will be home until midnight”

He says “That’s crazy, what time did you start this morning?”

I tell him “6”

He tells me “You can’t do that to yourself, I thought I was bad for that sort of shit”

I say “I have no choice in the matter”

He says “You always have a choice”

I reply “No, not in this industry, it’s hard to explain, but I would loving nothing more than to be home at a reasonable hour”

He tells me “I will be there about 8 to keep you company since you won’t listen to me”

I say “I can’t expect you to do that”

He says “It’s another thing you don’t have a choice in, so suck it up…. And besides, I wouldn’t mind watching you do your work. The cakes that I have seen that were made by you have been unbelievable. I don’t know how you do it”

I smile when he says that. I tell him “Ok, I will see you about 8 then”

I haven’t been paying attention to the time, I hear Seth’s voice behind me “I bet you haven’t eaten all day either”

I stop what I’m doing and look at him “Been too busy to eat”

He rolls his eyes “You are having something to eat now. I got you something”

I sigh “Fine” and take the food from him as he hands it to me.

He demands “Now sit down and have a break for half an hour”

I protest “I can’t”

He says “Again, you have no choice in the matter”

I sit down and while I eat he steps behind me and starts massaging my shoulders. I instantly relax. With my mouth full I say “Oh my god, that is so good”

He laughs “I’m glad you think so”

I reply “It’s better than any sex I’ve had” He stops

I realise what I just said to him.

He asks amused “Really? So no one of recent comes to mind that will make you retract that statement?”

I smile “I can’t think of anyone, that massage is going to be hard to beat”

He laughs “Well then, you aren’t getting more of either from me now”

I say “Alright, I’m sorry, please don’t hold out on me”

He starts massaging my shoulders again. I keep my mouth shut this time. 3 hours later I finally finish. Seth enjoyed watching me work, he was so intrigued by it all.

Seth asks “Can I have a go at piping”

A little amused I say “Yeah, sure”

I show him how to use the piping bag and showed him a simple pattern to do. He gives it a go, it’s not that bad, there was only a few slip ups where he didn’t apply the correct pressure. He laughs at his attempt.

He says “Maybe I should stick to my job”

I smile “It’s actually not that bad, it took me years to get where I’m at” I add “We both should probably get home now, it’s midnight”

He says “That is probably a good idea”

I say “Thanks for the company”

Seth smiles “I enjoyed it”

Next Chapter   Masterlist   Previous Chapter

My own experience of the Westminster attack

Yesterday afternoon, I’d left the Parliamentary estate to go buy a leaving card for the member of staff who had got a new job. I walked up Whitehall to Trafalgar Square where there was a Waterstone’s and then bought myself a bag of chocolate to eat later from the nearby Tesco. I walked back down Whitehall and back onto the Parliamentary estate. I was walking into the Norman Shaw North building and getting into the lift as the division bell was ringing (which is around the time it all happened). I remember thinking I shouldn’t really be using the lifts while the division bell is ringing because they’re supposed to be reserved for Members of Parliament who are on their way to vote. I got back into the office to get on with some work I needed to do when the phone rang, the number was from our other office, I just assumed it would be about a letter, or an invitation, or just something in the diary as is usually the case, it wasn’t. My colleague asked if I knew I wasn’t allowed to leave the office, I didn’t and I asked why and he said there had been a police shooting on Westminster bridge and to put the news on and let my family and friends know I’m okay. I put BBC news on the TV and watched as drips of news began to come through. I could see Westminster Bridge from the window, there were cars, taxis and about eight buses all just stopped on the bridge. There were police sirens and cordons at both ends and I could see an ambulance about three-quarters along the bridge on the Westminster end. I still can’t say for certain but it looked like people were lying on the ground next to the ambulance, the ambulance later took one of them away. We originally though that there had been two separate incidences, someone had mowed down people on Westminster bridge and someone else had somehow got through security with a knife and stabbed someone in the Palace of Westminster. As more and more information came through on the news, it was slowly becoming clearer what had happened. A car had mounted the pavement on Westminster Bridge and had carried on until it had crashed into railings on the boundary of the Palace, he had then ran to the main gate where he stabbed a police officer, continuing into the estate just outside of Westminster Hall where he was shot. After calling my family and contacting my friends to let them know I was okay but we were on lockdown, I left the upstairs office and went downstairs in the lift. When I came out of the lift there were dozens of people just sat on the floor with nowhere else to go. I walked around the corner to get to our office and we’d taken in some of the people who had nowhere else to go for one reason or another. Everyone was in and out everyone else’s offices in our bit of corridor, regardless of which party anyone worked for, none of that seemed to matter anymore. One of the members of staff for the Conservative MP across the corridor from us went to the shared kitchen and brought everyone in our office a glass of water, I shared out the packet of chocolate I’d bought on my way back from Waterstone’s. It was a strange atmosphere, something really horrible had happened and people rarely took their eyes off the news, people’s phones were constantly ringing as concerned family and friends were getting in touch to make sure they were okay, and everyone was talking to people they’d never really talked to before. It was almost like what I imagine Blitz spirit would have been like. BBC Political Editor Laura Kuenssberg ended up in our office to do an audio recording of some of her report, which was used on the BBC. She’d been trapped on the estate as well, she’d been in Portcullis House when everything happened. We then all started to hear rumours that the estate had started to be evacuated. A friend who worked in an office in Portcullis House had heard that another MP’s office in the Palace had been evacuated. We then all received security announcements that the estate was being evacuated from the House of Lords end of the Palace. About an hour later, a woman came around all of the offices to tell us the evacuation had just about reached Westminster Hall. Someone else heard a rumour that it might be another three hours before they got to us. In reality it was only another half an hour before we were finally evacuated. Everyone in both Norman Shaw buildings were taken through all of the buildings, through Portcullis House, through the underpass, along New Palace Yard where the attacker had been shot, and then through the Palace of Westminster where we finally got out of the estate via Black Rod’s entrance at about 7:50pm. Everything was very very quiet, there were no cars about and no other people other than the heavy stream of people coming out of Black Rod’s entrance. There were police taking statements from anyone who had seen anything. I decided although it probably would have been fine, I didn’t want to get on the tube and it was too dark to walk home so I walked to Victoria train station and got a taxi home. I didn’t get home until just before 9pm that night. I came into work this morning and the roads around the Parliamentary estate were closed off to cars and there were barely any pedestrians about, only those heading into Parliament. Westminster station was closed, there were only two entrances into the Parliamentary estate open so most people had to get off the tube a station early. On my way in, I bumped into my own local MP who had been trapped in the chamber yesterday afternoon. Once I got into the estate, everything felt oddly normal, other than security checking passes much more than usual, I’ve had my pass checked more today than I have in the six months I’ve worked here.   But then reminders of what had happened 24 hours earlier are just so inescapable, I’d walked past New Palace Yard on my way to lunch and there were three or four crime scene investigators in blue forensic suits on their knees examining the scene where the attacker was shot. I’ve never felt unsafe working in Parliament, sometimes a dozen times a day I’ll walk past armed police and a tonne of other security. If anyone has ever been through Parliamentary security to get onto the estate without a pass you’ll know exactly how tight the security is, there are metal detectors, you have to put your bag through a scanner and if anything bleeps (usually from a buckle on a shoe or a belt) you’ll have a pat down search, just like airport security. Yesterday, however, I did feel unsafe. It’s made me feel very glad I made the decision to apply for a PGCE and not work in Parliament ever again. I’m going to finish my internship in May and not come back.  They can tighten security as much as they like, but it’s impossible to guarantee everyone’s safety.

Day 2 - Merida

I started the morning with another breakfast at the hotel with the other girls from the program. If you really enjoy dinner foods, you would love breakfast in Mexico. About 90% of the breakfast foods at the hotel buffet would be considered dinner entrees and sides at home, from pork and other meats to mashed potatoes and chocolate cake. But who doesn’t want to have chocolate cake for breakfast? There are some breakfast foods available like pastries, fresh fruit, small pancakes and cereal. We all departed around 8:30am to go to la Universidad Autonomy de Yucatan (UADY), specifically their school of nursing and their school of social work. We began our visit with introductions to the faculty of the school and they gave us a tour of the facility. We first saw the office of psychology where students are able to get mental health services or talk to a professional psychologist about any problems they are having. The office was very small and the social work office was located in the same vicinity. We then went over and toured the nursing school building. Before we entered the building, I spotted my first cat of the trip! I was so excited to finally be in the presence of a feline since I miss my cat from home so much. We have seen dozens of stray dogs since we arrived, but no cats before today. As a public health major, the nursing school facility was by far my favorite part of the tour. We got to see where the nursing students practice all sorts of procedures. They had practice models and mannequins for everything you could possibly imagine: the birthing process, breast cancer examinations, breast feeding, CPR, intubation, sutures and more. They even had the exact same mannequins that I use at my lifeguarding job to practice CPR! The program director was telling us that breast cancer is the second highest cause of death for women in Mexico and it is largely due to the stigma surrounding breast examinations and screenings, and the reluctance of the Mexican women to have their breasts physically examined. As a public health student, I’m very conscientious of preventive health measures, so I hope I can learn more about this matter on my trip. The facility also had several educational posters and bulletin boards about health promotion.  We then ventured across the street to la biblioteca that the nursing school, medical school, social work school and health science students all share. It was a beautiful facility and it even featured a christmas tree made entirely of books. I could totally see my friend Erika recreating this christmas tree at home with her own personal library. After visiting the library, we went back to the classroom we started in and learned all about the social work program here at UADY. University in Mexico differs dramatically from that of the United States. To start with, social work here in the Yucatan is extremely community-based, as opposed to individual-based like it is in the United States. The classes here are also much, much smaller than we are used to at Rutgers with around 25 students per grade. The social work program here at UADY was accredited in 2014 with its first generation of students. The program also has their own objective which is essentially the same as the code of ethics back at home. We also learned about the social work program’s educational model for integration and its components; social responsibility, innovation, flexibility, education based on competency, internationalization and education based on practice. These principles apply to all majors here at the university and each principle has its own requirements. Similar to Rutgers, the professors here are more of facilitators than teachers and focus more on helping students learn on their own. The program here parallels a liberal arts education, in that you have certain requirements to fulfill that are not directly a part of your major or focus. There is also an English language requirement here and students take English classes in the mornings for two hours twice a week. The program directors explained the curriculum of the social work program at UADY to us and there were many similarities and differences between the UADY curriculum and Rutgers curriculum. Like in the United States, completion of 8 semesters are required to earn a bachelor’s degree and you can complete a master’s in an additional 4 semesters. They also have a mix of different ways to earn credits both inside and outside of the classroom like Rutgers does. Their typical class day consists of 3 classes between 2pm and 9pm, with each class lasting 2-2 1/2 hours, with one half hour break in between 2 of the classes. However, their course load is much heavier than we are used to, as they take 7 different classes a semester. They are required to take between 32 and 43 credits per semester, but their classes are worth more credits than our courses at Rutgers. The credits range from 4 to 8 credits per class and they must complete 320 credits to graduate. The main difference between the UADY program and universities in the U.S. is the price. Eight semesters of tuition at Rutgers totals around $120,000, while eight semesters of nursing school at UADY totals $160. As a college student currently going broke due to rising costs of education, this astounded me. However, the program is more competitive at UADY than large public institutions in the U.S., since UADY only accepts a small number of students. Next, we learned about the program’s field work component. The field work begins in the third semester and the students must first pass a class on theory and methodology of social work before getting field work placement. There are four different areas of fieldwork they can be placed in; community, education, health, or justice. The field work locations the students are placed in are also sites we will be visiting over the next two weeks. There is also a mandatory social service component to the UADY social work program and all university and technical students across Mexico. The university and technical school students are required to do 6 months of social service (480 hours) after the completion of six semesters and after their field work is complete. They participate in social service between 8am and noon, and then attend class from 2pm to 9pm. I don’t think I would be able to be up and running around for 13 hours straight. The last part of the curriculum is the professional integrative practice, which occurs during the 8th and final semester. This component is a four credit course with 160 hours of work, and requires the students to turn a social work theme into a research project. That concluded our first visit to UADY and we all headed back to our hotel for some free time. My roommate Liesa and I headed out to the pool and enjoyed the sun, cool water and poolside margaritas. It was quite a relaxing afternoon. Liesa, Molly, Sarah, Chrissto, Cassandra, Jeny and I went to an amazing pizza place half a block from our hotel for dinner, and since the meal was so affordable, we spent the following half hour grabbing a drink at the bar across the street. We met up with the rest of the group and spent the rest of the night out in Merida walking around, shopping and taking pictures. It was a perfect ending to a perfect day!

A form of justice - Part 1

“Oh for god’s sake”. Detective Chief Inspector Sullivan was livid. He banged the table in his office, then turned at stared out the window at the London skyline.

“Are you OK sir?”.

Sullivan turned to see his secretary Rebecca in the doorway. He sighed.

“Did a lot of people hear that?” he asked her.

“Only about half the office sir” she answered. “Do you need a cup of tea?”

Sullivan beckoned her in to the room and she closed the door. He sat in his chair behind his desk and sighed. He was 55 years old but days like today made him feel older. He was worn out and tired. His grey suit was fraying a little at the edges and he felt like he hadn’t managed a good night’s sleep in weeks.

Rebecca sat on the opposite side of his desk. He liked her in a professional way. She was smart, punctual and seemed to know how to help soften his mood. She always wore slightly understated clothing that was modest yet fashionable. Today it was a fitted blue dress, and her brown hair was straight and down.

“Is it the Mulvaney case?” She asked.

He nodded. “Had a call from upstairs. CPS is dropping the case. Apparently our key witness is refusing to cooperate.”

“You’re joking” Rebecca said, shaking her head. “What can we do sir?”

“Apparently sod all” Sullivan said with a hint of anger in his voice. He had been pursuing Kieran Mulvaney for a while. His name had cropped up during investigations into various criminal activities in London over the last ten years and Sullivan had always guessed he presided over a particularly nasty group of thugs extorting businesses in the east end. After a couple of unexplained murders and disappearances, the police began to suspect Mulvaney of more than just extortion and the Detective Chief Inspector had been told to investigate him directly. Sullivan and his squad of three detectives had spent 18 months chasing leads, interviewing low level criminals and doing their best to map the money trail until they finally caught a break. A homeless man had witnessed Mulvaney grabbing a petty thief off the streets of Mile End. The body was found in Epping Forest and a couple of miles away was the car with the registration belonging to Tommy Shepherd, one of Mulvaneys associates. It was not the strongest case but the CPS agreed to pursue it. Now without the witness testimony to tie him to the body, Mulvaney would be walking free.

Rebecca had seen it all. She had joined the force at the start of the investigation and was currently going through the recruitment process to be a constable herself. She had processed many of the reports for the team and Sullivan had taken her into his confidence in sharing details of the case. Her easy-going manner made her easy to talk to, and she was well-liked by the whole team. Sullivan told her the details of the witness recanting their statement and the CPS advising him to let the investigation fold for now. She listened through it all.

“Would you like me to tell the team sir?” She asked finally.

“No” Sullivan sighed again. “Send them in here. I’ll do it. Just don’t be surprised if they start shouting louder than I did.” Rebecca nodded and got up to leave. “Oh and I think I will have that cup of tea”, he added, “something tells me I might need something a bit stronger tonight though”.

Rebecca made and brought the tea to her boss, then went back to her desk outside the office whilst the squad filed in one by one. Detective Inspector Tim Warren, a 35 year old man in a smart suit came first, followed by Sargeant Oli Afidi in his late 20s and Sargeant Kate Belmont, wearing her typical attire of a leather jacket, black shirt and blue jeans. At 28, she was not much older than Rebecca but had been a mentor as she applied to the force. She had a sharp mind but also a sharp temper and Rebecca was not surprised that hers was the first voice she heard swearing as Sullivan delivered the news.

After ten minutes the team filed out, all looking frustrated and disappointed. Kate stopped at Rebecca’s desk.

“Pub?” She asked.

“Sure, give me half an hour to finish some paperwork. Meet you in the ship?”

Kate nodded.

————

Two hours later it was just Kate and Rebecca left in the corner of The Ship, a pub not far from Scotland Yard. They were finishing the last remnants of a bottle of red wine between them. The men in the squad had already departed, Sullivan and Afidi back home to their wives and Warren to his boyfriend. The evening had been good to let off some steam about the case but now it was just the two women left, Kate confided more in Rebecca.

“This guy” she said, “it’s not just murder and extortion. I think he’s also trafficking people”.

“What?” Rebecca hadn’t heard mention of any trafficking connections.

“I have a contact who swears by it. Says he’s seen some of Kierans boys dropping girls off at a warehouse in Stratford.”

“Well then you’ll get him for that” Rebecca told her confidently.

“Not a chance. He’s too clever for that. Stays insulated from all of the front line business by getting his lackeys to do the work instead. That kidnapping was our best chance. It was personal, he let his guard down. We’ll be lucky if he does that again”.

Rebecca was silent. She knew what Kate was saying was true.

“You know why I joined the force?” Kate asked rhetorically, “I joined because I honestly thought we could bring scum like him to justice.” Kate had grown up in the south of the city and seen the devastation drug gangs had brought to her community. She knew what life was like on the streets for thousands of people and Rebecca could always sense that it was that anger and purpose that drove her.

“So how do you do that?” Asked Rebecca.

“Simple” said Kate, “we kill the bastard”. She finished her glass of wine.

Rebecca chuckled half-heartedly but saw Kate fixing her with a cold stare. She opened her mouth to protest but could not find the words. Her colleague was right. “But...how...how can we do that?”

“We?” Said Kate.

Rebecca thought for a moment. “Yes” she said, “we”.

“Ruin his operations” said Kate. “Slaughter his lieutenants. Bring him out in to the open and put a load of bullets in his head”. She had a determined edge to her voice that told Rebecca this was not the wine or bluster. She was deadly serious about murdering Mulvaney.

“Is that really the justice you want?” Rebecca queried.

Kate was thoughtful. “No”, she replied, “but it’s the only type we’re going to get.”

“What would be our first move?”

“For you? Get a gun and learn to shoot.”

————

Two nights later, Rebecca was waiting on a side road in Woolwich. She was dressed in black leggings and black running crop top. It was a warm Thursday summers evening and she was not cold. It was 9pm and light was starting to fade when Kate’s silver Vauxhall pulled up. Rebecca climbed in the passenger side and Kate drove them further into the suburbs. She was also dressed in black leggings and was wearing what looked to be a large sports bra that revealed her toned abdominal muscles and arms. Kate had always had a determined and focussed mind and Rebecca could tell this extended to her physical fitness too. She decided to broach a subject that had puzzled her over the previous two days.

“Kate” she asked “you said the other night the next stage was for me to learn. Have you already done this before?”

“I spent three months with counter-terrorism before I joined the unit” she explained, “they teach you all kinds of stuff there and I still have a lot of friends”.

“Just friends?”

“Some very close friends” Kate said with a smile. She had always been very private about her home life. Most of the office believed she was single. Rebecca has always guessed that Kate didn’t enjoy being tied down but did enjoy having various romantic liaisons. She had noticed on the days her makeup was done with a little more care or when she was wearing a push up bra underneath her shirt to maximise her cleavage.

“What’s the plan for tonight?” enquired Rebecca.

“Target practice” was Kate’s simple response.

Within 30 minutes they had reached an old abandoned industrial park by the river Thames. There was a decaying warehouse, fenced off from the world with overgrown grass and weeds surrounding it. Kate pulled up to the gate, got out of the car and pulled a key from a pocket at the back of her leggings. She unlocked the padlock, then drove the car through. Rebecca was intrigued. Evidently her partner had been here before. Kate seemed to sense her thoughts.

“I’ve known this place for a while and the guy who owns the land went to school with my father. It’s good to have a space I can use to get a quiet workout in.” Rebecca didn’t press for details on what a ‘quiet workout’ entailed.

Kate parked around the side of the warehouse and retrieved a black duffel bag from the back seat.

“Grab the bag in the glove box” she asked Rebecca, who duly obliged, pulling out a small pouch. They both exited the car and Kate set the bag down on the ground.

“First things first” she said and handed Rebecca some surgical gloves, “Put those on”. Rebecca did so whilst Kate pulled out her own pair of black leather gloves that reached halfway up her forearm.

“Leather gloves?”, asked Rebecca, “isn’t that a bit cliche?”. Kate shrugged.

“They do the job” she said, “Plus there’s a certain amount of...pleasure I get from them. I didn’t say we couldn’t enjoy ourselves a little whilst doing this.”

Rebecca had to admit she was right. The previous two nights she’d dreamt of the thrill of learning to shoot, of feeling the power of the gun in her hand and righting the wrongs in the world around her. There was due process, it was right that it existed but she was also a realist and knew it couldn’t reach the real evil players at the edge of the criminal underworld like Kieran Mulvaney. She had dreamed of being a feared assassin and exacting revenge at the end of a gun.

Kate handed Rebecca her weapon, a Glock 19 pistol. It felt comfortable in her hand as she inspected it. It felt like it was made to fit her and she noticed the hair on the back of her neck stand up and her senses heighten to the world around her - the soft glow of streetlights in the distance, the flapping of the wings of pigeons in the warehouse behind her and the beauty of Kate with her golden hair beside her, tied back tonight in a ponytail.

Kate motioned for Rebecca to open the pouch she had brought out of the car. She did so and inside found two long suppressors. So this was how they would keep the noise down she thought. She took one out and slowly threaded it on to the end of her gun, finishing with some tight twists. She felt like a true assassin now with the gloves and suppressed weapon.

Kate had also finished preparing her own Glock and now set about arranging some bottles near the wall by then. She loaded her Glock with a clip of ammunition and took aim from 15 yards away. The gun whispered a pfft and the first bottle smashed before she turned on the second and fired another silent pfft that broke it. Rebecca was entranced by the graceful way Kate delivered the shots, her control and mastery over the weapon and the delicate sound of the suppressed gunshot.

She listened intently as her teacher showed her some simple shooting techniques before allowing her to practice on some more cans and bottles lined up against the wall. Rebecca was studious and after only 20 minutes was able confidently fire quickly on the stationary targets. Kate took her through some more drills, including quick reloading, trigger discipline and firing whilst moving. When Rebecca made a mistake, Kate encouraged her and the two worked together to correct her technique and find a solution. At the end of an hours work, Rebecca was confidently hitting the targets from various ranges. She was glad of the sportswear she was wearing as she worked up a sweat when the moving drills intensified. She finished by emptying three remaining bullets from her clip into a makeshift target of weeds.

“Good!” said Kate, “very good.” She high-fived Rebecca. “But you know” she continued, “this isn’t about shooting bottles. To shoot to kill takes another mindset. You have to be ruthless. You have to know that you’re taking a life and be ok with that. Can you do that?”

“I think so” said Rebecca. She reached behind her back to the spare clip that sat in her leggings and reloaded her gun. She was not sure how she would react in that moment but guessed her partner had been in that situation too. “Have you had to do that?” She enquired.

“Twice” said Kate. She began to reload a new clip as she spoke. “First time was with counter-terror. We were doing a raid in a house when this lad came out of a side room with a knife towards me. I didn’t think, I just pulled my gun and pumped the trigger four times. The second time was last year. My sister was being threatened by a dealer in her block of flats. I snuck inside, waited til he got home and shot him. That was a proper hit, with the suppressor and everything. I used two different guns to make it look like a gang job. I wasn’t scared. That bastard had been terrorising my sister for months. Watching him cower, seeing his body twitch as the bullets hit him...it felt good. No, not good. It was amazing. Orgasmic”. She bit her lip as the memory flooded back to her. After a seconds pause, she looked at Rebecca. “Are you ready to find out?”

Rebecca was puzzled. She thought tonight was about practice. She wasn’t sure she was ready to take on Mulvaney and his gang straight away. Kate noticed her quizzical look and beckoned her over to the boot of her car. Kate tucked her gun in to the back of her leggings and then opened the boot. Rebecca gasped. Inside was a thin young man, probably no older than herself. He was fair haired and wearing a white tracksuit. He had been bound at the wrists and ankles and had tape over his mouth. At the sight of the two women, he frantically tried to move but his bonds were too tight and his screams were muffled.

“Quiet Jack” Kate commanded. She lifted him out of the car with surprising ease. “Let’s get him inside” she said to Rebecca and they each grabbed under his shoulder and dragged him inside the warehouse. It was dusty and relatively dark inside. The sun had set and there was moonlight streaming in from broken windows. They propped the man against a wall. Kate drew her suppressed gun and loudly chambered a round, the snap as she released it reverberating off the empty walls. The man looked like he might cry soon and there was fear in his eyes. Kate spoke calmly.

“Now Jack, I’m going to remove your gag and ask you some questions. If you try to scream, I won’t hesitate to pull the trigger. Do you understand?” Jack nodded and Kate knelt down to remove the tape covering his mouth. She pointed the gun at him and he did not scream and just breathed heavily through his mouth.

“Good boy” Kate said softly, “let’s start simple: what’s your name?”

The young man looked puzzled for a second but answered in a high trembling voice “Jack....Jack Meadows”.

“And what do you do for work Jack?”

“I help my dad out with his plumbing sometimes.”

“That’s partly true yes, but what else do you do?

Jack looked nervous for a couple of seconds but Kate began to raise her gun towards his head. “I....I work with a group and we...nick bikes”.

“And what do you do with the bikes you steal?”

“We fence them to some contacts and they sell them on eBay”

“And who runs this operation?”

“Roddy....Roddy McFarlane”

Rebecca looked at Kate. She knew that name. Roddy McFarlane was one of Mulvaneys lieutenants, who had come to London at the same time as him in the 90s. There had been a suspicion amongst a couple of London’s police forces that a series of robberies and thefts were being executed in a methodical way by an organised crime gang. Kate had found the link to Mulvaney. Rebecca wondered how.

Kate continued with her questioning “You’re doing very well Jack. Now where were you on the night of March 15th this year?” Rebecca was wondering why that night was significant. It rang a bell in her head but she couldn’t be sure why.

“I don’t know” Jack replied.

“Let me help jog your memory. You were in Camden, on Castle Street.”

Now it hit Rebecca. Castle Street was where she lived. Her bike had been stolen from outside in mid-March. But how had Kate found him? How did she know this? She looked at her for answers.

Kate answered her without needing to hear the question. “Not every CCTV camera in London is publically known about. There are quite a few hidden in strategic locations.” Rebecca realised she must have known about them from her counter-terror days. The local force would not have known about them and the counter-terrorism squad would not have revealed its secrets for a bike theft. Kate has evidently been doing a lot of digging.

“You son of a bitch” she said to Jack, the first time she had spoken to him that evening, “you stole my Canyon”. It was a nice bike and had cost Rebecca over £1500 to buy but was a good investment for a keen cyclist like her. Waking up to find the bike rack it was attached to severed and the bike gone had been a painful experience, now compounded by knowing it’s sale had helped fund a trafficker and murderer like Mulvaney.

Jack looked panicky. “I...I’m sorry miss. I really am. Let me go, I can get it replaced, honestly”

Rebecca was not ready to hear his excuses. She turned the Glock in her hand and hit him with the butt around his head. Jack howled in pain. Kate looked on approvingly.

“Do you need to hear more?” She asked Rebecca.

“No” was Rebecca’s reply. An anger had swelled inside her and given her a steely focus. She raised her Glock in her right hand, using the left to support and control it. She felt a surge of excitement, knowing she held power over this thief. He wouldn’t be robbing any more people of their possessions. He would be dead, and she would be the one to do it. She felt her nipples harden beneath her top and a tingling sensation throughout her body. Her gloved hand stroked the trigger on the gun.

Pfft.

The empty shell clicked off the warehouse floor and Rebecca looked at Jack. She had hit him square in the upper chest and he was wheezing as blood poured from the hole her bullet had made. She felt a rush of endorphins and steadied her aim again.

Pfft pfft pfft

She put three more bullets in his chest. He cried in pain and went limp.

“Ooh”, she exhaled. She understood why Kate had called killing orgasmic. The muffled sound of the suppressor was so elegant. She looked at Kate who now raised her gun in her gloved left hand whilst her right moved towards her breast and slowly stroked the exposed top of it.

Pfft pfft pffft.

Kate shot three times in to Jacks body too. “Mmm”, she gave an appreciative sound. They both stood for a moment and admired their work before Kate began gathering the spent shells around them. She went to the car and brought out a black tarpaulin cover. Her and Rebecca carefully wrapped Jacks body, making sure they did not get any blood on their clothes. They sealed the cover with tape before putting him back in the boot of Kate’s car. They did not speak as they drove to a secluded spot nearby on the river Thames and threw the body in.

Kate looked at Rebecca. “Any more questions for now?”.

“Who’s next?” was Rebecca’s reply.

New Post has been published on Payment-Providers.com

New Post has been published on https://payment-providers.com/updated-coronavirus-round-up-marks-spencer-scs-hotel-chocolat-travis-perkins-frasers-group-ikea-joules-imrg-fta-and-more-as-the-way-we-shop-changes/

UPDATED Coronavirus round-up: Marks & Spencer, ScS, Hotel Chocolat, Travis Perkins, Frasers Group, Ikea, Joules, IMRG, FTA and more as the way we shop changes

We’re reporting on the effect of the Covid-19 coronavirus on the way UK shoppers buy – and on how retailers are responding to that changing behaviour. This update comes as 3,983 positive cases have been confirmed by Public Health England as of 9am on March 20 and 177 people have died. The World Health Organisation last week classified coronavirus as a pandemic. This rolling news story covers suggestions, from the IMRG and Kooomo, that retail will move further online as the pandemic progresses, and on calls for more support for retail staff from Joules and for logistics workers from the FTA, as Ikea closes its stores, and Hotel Chocolat looks to raise £20m for headroom in the case of store closures and to invest for future growth.

  Government briefing: coronavirus job retention scheme; shops can still remain open

In today’s briefing by the Prime Minister Boris Johnson and the Chancellor Rishi Sunak, it was announced that pubs, cafes, restaurants, theatres, cinemas are to close as a result of the coronavirus pandemic, but shops can still remain open. Those serving food can, however, start to offer food for takeaway instead.

  Many shops have decided to close, nonetheless. Ikea said yesterday that its shops would close till further notice, while Arcadia Group said today that its all of its stores would also shut their doors for the moment. Both suggest shoppers turn online instead: TopShop, for example, is currently offering 30% off all online orders and free standard home delivery.

  Today the Government launched a coronavirus job retention scheme

2/ For the first time in our history, the British government is going to step in and help pay people’s wages.

Government grants will cover 80% of the salary of retained workers, up to a total of £2,500 a month, that’s above UK median earnings level.

— Rishi Sunak (@RishiSunak) March 20, 2020

to cover 80% of the wages for those working at companies that are now shutting down because of the virus. They will qualify if they keep on staff rather than laying them off. Employers will be able to apply to HMRC for a grant, backdated to March 1, to cover wages up to £2,500 a month for each employee.

  The coronavirus business interruption scheme will now be interest-free for 12 months.

4/ Many businesses are hurting now and I can announce that the Coronavirus Business Interruption Loan Scheme will not be interest-free, as previously planned, for 6 months – it will be for twelve months.

Those loans will now be available on Monday. https://t.co/9blM7svmXw

— Rishi Sunak (@RishiSunak) March 20, 2020

.

  Additionally, business VAT payments will be deferred, self-employed people can access, in full, universal credit at a rate equivalent to Statutory Sick Pay for employees (£94.25 a week), with their tax payments also deferred, and people on universal credit and working tax credits will see their basic allowance increase by £1,000 a year over the next year.

  6/ We are already seeing some job losses. Today I’m increasing the Universal Credit standard allowance, for the next 12 months, by £1,000 a year. I’m increasing the Working Tax Credit basic element by the same amount.

These measures will benefit just over 4 million households.

— Rishi Sunak (@RishiSunak) March 20, 2020

  8/ Taken together, I’m announcing over £6bn of extra support through the welfare system.

And to further support the self-employed through the tax system, I’m announcing today that the next self-assessment payments will be deferred until Jan 2021.

— Rishi Sunak (@RishiSunak) March 20, 2020

  Five Jack Wills stores to close amid ’unprecedented uncertainty’

Jack Wills has announced the immediate closure of five stores.

  The British brand, which was rescued out of administration by Frasers Group in August 2019, will close stores in Dublin, Exeter, Cambridge, Bath and Manchester Trafford Centre.

  A spokesperson said: “The group has been working closely with landlords since acquiring Jack Wills to keep as many stores open as possible. Now faced by unprecedented uncertainty in the retail environment, further closures are inevitable.”

  How UK retailers are discounting online

UK retailers have cut prices as never before since the Covid-19 coronavirus broke, according to data from LovetheSales.com.

  In the last week, on top of what was on sale the previous week, a further 23% of clothing stock was reduced in price. That means 43% more products are discounted than in March 2019. That suggests, says LovetheSales, that retailers are now hoping to mitigate the effect of plummeting high street footfall on their cashflow through online sales.

  The most discounted products are in categories including men’s underwear, which has 83% more products on discount, men’s polo shirts (34%), jeans (33%), and t-shirts (33%). In women’s clothing, the most discounted products include onesies (55%), underwear and lingerie (54%), maternity wear (51%) and jeans (32%).

  Luxury brands have 123% more products on discount than last week, premium brands 1% more, and high street brands 11% more.

  Stuart McClure, founder of LovetheSales.com, said: “Retailers are facing an unprecedented situation right now. One that could put them out of business. They’re seeing immediate drops in footfall in stores, meaning they’re seeing an accompanying sales shortfall. This will lead to an increase in excess inventory. Combine this with late deliveries of products intended to be sold this season, and they’re facing major inventory surplus issues later in the year. These unseasonably high volumes of discount are intended to drive spend and clear stock. However, retailers need to start considering new ways to solve what will become an even bigger issue for them throughout 2020 and into 2021.”

  Borough Market extends online deliveries across London

Borough Market in London is extending its online delivery service to all customers within the M25 amid the Covid-19 outbreak. The market is still open for shoppers, and says it’s following new public health and hygiene measures set out in government guidelines.

Borough Market Online has offered deliveries by zero-emission electric bike within a 2.5 mile radius of its London Bridge site since November 2019. Now deliveries will be temporarily extended to any location inside the M25. Click and collect is also available from the market up until 9pm each day.

The market says electric bike couriers will still be used for deliveries within a reasonable distance of the market, but vans – hybrid where possible – will be used further afield. Strict hygiene practices mean that the food is securely packaged, and the option of a doorstep drop service allows it to be received without contact with couriers.

“In these extraordinary times, the delivery zone has been extended to within the M25,” said Kate Howell, development director at Borough Market. “The priority is for the market to be able to deliver wonderful food from our traders to Londoners who have to stay at home and live outside our normal delivery zone.”

  Borough Market’s partnership with the Plan Zheroes charity will continue, with surplus produce collected from the Market and delivered to community organisations that help feed some of the city’s most vulnerable people.

Darren Henaghan, managing director, Borough Market said: ““We aim to remain a haven for food lovers while supporting our small, independent businesses. Borough Market has served this community for a thousand years, through thick and thin. It has survived wars. It has lived through food shortages and curfews. As recently as 2017, our community withstood the trauma of a terrorist attack and the subsequent weeks of closure. It did so by remaining close and supportive, by caring about people – and that’s how we’ll get through this crisis too.”

  Shoppers can order from the majority of Borough Market traders. Once the order is placed the Borough Market Online team collects produce from the relevant traders and delivers the goods to a designated hub within the market. From here, customers can either collect their order between 12pm and 9pm or it will be dispatched via state of the art zero-emission electric cargo bike to the customer’s address at a pre-booked time slot. At the time of writing, the service was limited amid high levels of demand.

Marks & Spencer focuses on food and online

Marks & Spencer says it is moving staff from its clothing and home departments to food where it can, and will also focus on expanding its online clothing sales during the current pandemic. It is also preparing for the possibility that some shops may have to close temporarily. But it says its model of operating parallel clothing and food businesses and its existing strategy of moving its business further online – including through its Ocado Retail joint venture – should give it more resilience than retailers operating in single sectors.

  The retailer, ranked Elite in RXUK Top500 research, says it is seeing “substantial sales declines” in both its clothing and home departments at the moment, and says that revenues are likely to be “severely impacted” over the next nine months to a year. It is working to defer clothing and home supplies where possible. “At this stage,” it said, “we are not assuming a return to normal trading in the autumn.”

  Its food business has remained strong and is expected to remain profitable, but while customers have visited its stores to stock up in recent days, it is not seeing the strong uplift that the supermarkets have. That’s because it has a “heavy bias” towards chilled and fresh food, rather than tinned or frozen. It said: “The significant shift to eating in home should however continue to benefit sales in the months ahead. Although there will undoubtedly be supply interruptions, we do not expect these to be prolonged or financially material.”

  Marks & Spencer is now postponing capital investment that it is not already committed to, freezing recruitment, reducing marketing spend and is taking “extraordinary measures” to hold over new inventory. It says it currently has £1.34bn of available liquidity. It expects pre-tax profits to be at or below the bottom end of expectations in its current financial year which finishes next week. Profits had been expected to come in at between £440m and £460m. M&S says it is too early to say what will happen in the next financial year, but says “we are planning on the basis of a prolonged downturn in demand for clothing and home.”

  On its website, the retailer is making its click and collect options more flexible, with an 11pm cut off for orders made for next-day pick-up in store. It says its stores currently remain open, although its in-store cafés are closed. In its stores, the first hour of trading is currently reserved for vulnerable and elderly customers on Mondays and Thursdays and for NHS and emergency service workers on Tuesdays and Fridays, starting next week.

  ScS sees visitor numbers fall in-store

ScS today said visitors to its stores had started to fall as a result of the coronavirus pandemic, and it warned of potential impact on both delivery and demand.

  It identified risks that it might need to close its stores, head office or distribution centres, the latter potentially delaying deliveries and sales.

  ScS chief executive David Knight said, in today’s half-year results statement: “In the past week we have seen reduced footfall and we are mindful of the developing situation with Covid-19 and the potential impact on deliveries and demand. However, we believe the group is as well positioned as it can be.”

  More than a quarter (29%) of ScS’ furniture came from China in 2019 and the retailer is currently seeing longer lead times that it expects to return to normal by the end of the year. Customers, it says, have been notified of any delays and have generally been understanding. As yet, it says, it has seen no delays in its UK manufacturing suppliers.

Hotel Chocolat to raise £20m against potential store closures

Hotel Chocolat is to raise £20m through a stockmarket placing to give it more headroom in case its stores are closed in the run-up to the crucial Mother’s Day and Easter periods, and to invest in the business.

  The retailer says that while group revenue had been up by 6% in February, year-on-year, March revenues are 5% down as store visitor numbers fall.

  “With the increasing possibility that the UK Government will impose further public health measures, the group anticipates the ongoing effect of Covid-19 and the continued reduction in high-street footfall is likely to result in some or all of the company’s stores being closed for a period, which will impact company sales and profits. Mother’s Day and Easter, two important trading periods for the company, typically contribute c.12% of the Group’s annual revenue,” Hotel Chocolat said in today’s update.

  Measures available to it include shifting inventory towards selling online and via digital wholesale.

  The retailer is placing the new shares today at 225p to raise the money, which will give it headroom and also enable it to improve its warehouse and distribution capacity as it expands over the next five years, to expand chocolate making capacity by 35% through a fourth production line, and to invest across UK sales channels and open more stores in Japan.

  On the Hotel Chocolat website, the retailer has currently suspended next and nominated-day deliveries in the face of strong demand in the run up to Mother’s Day, but says most of its stores are open, although opening times may vary from the normal. It has also suspended chocolate experiences and lock-ins, and is no longer accepting reusable cups.

Travis Perkins postpones Wickes demerger

Wickes’ planned demerger from the Travis Perkins group has been put off as the company focuses on current challenges. Travis Perkins says it still plans to go ahead with the action, and is in an “advanced state of preparedness” for it that means it will be able to move quickly when appropriate.

  In the meantime, it says the business had got off to a strong start, with group sales up by 2.4% in the year-to-date. As yet trading has not been significantly affected by Covid-19. “However, due to the rapidly evolving situation and the dynamic UK government response to the impact of Covid-19, the group expects the trading environment to change quickly and materially in the coming weeks. In response to this, the board is taking prudent decisions in order to successfully navigate this period of turmoil.”

  The retailer says it is withdrawing all market guidance for the time being and has suspended its final dividend.

  Nick Roberts, Travis Perkins chief executive, said: “We are absolutely committed to fulfilling the essential role we play in the UK construction industry supply chain in keeping the UK dry, warm, maintained and operational; providing materials, working capital funding and support for our trade customers, large and small.

  “Whilst there is unprecedented uncertainty on how the virus outbreak will directly impact our markets and our businesses, we enter this period from a position of strength and security, with a strong balance sheet and access to significant committed liquidity.”

Frasers Group warns on profits as it expects significant disruption

Frasers Group, owners of multichannel retail brands including House of Fraser, Sports Direct, Jack Wills, Game and more, today (Friday) says it expects significant disruption to its business from factors including falling store visitor numbers as a result of the pandemic. It now expects that it will not achieve the growth in profits of between 5% and 15% that it had previously expected – and it is giving no formal guidance for its current financial year.

  The retailer said its performance had been in line with expectations so far this year, and that its management team was able to respond and adapt quickly. “Over the longer term,” it said in today’s stockmarket statement, “the board remains confident in focusing on the company’s elevation strategy.”

Ikea to close its shops in the UK and Ireland

Ikea today said it would temporarily close its stores to customers at 6pm on Friday March 20. Shoppers will be able to buy online for home delivery instead, with the option of contact-free deliveries.

Peter Jelkeby, country retail manager and chief sustainability officer, said: “These are extraordinary times, and our absolute priority is to ensure the health and safety of our customers and co-workers. We have listened carefully to them, to the advice of the UK and Ireland governments, and have been closely monitoring the situation as this evolves. This is the right decision for us to take at this point. We look forward to welcoming our customers back to our stores in the future.”

Ikea had previously put measures including the closure of its restaurants, cafes and bistros, enhanced cleaning routines and closure of its outside playground facilities in place.

  Joules says online and in-store sales are down – and calls for support for workers

Fashion-to-homewares retail brand Joules today said that it had seen both store visitors and overall revenues fall since Covid-19 first appeared in the UK. Online sales have also been hit, although to a lesser extent, as shoppers spend more cautiously.

  It says that it is unable to offer financial guidance on its full-year figures at this point, although it is going to cancel its proposed interim dividend.

  Currently, says Joules, it has £16m cash headroom and strong relationship with its bank and with its major shareholder, Tom Joules. But it is calling for more urgent action to support retail workers.

  Joules chief executive Nick Jones said: “The challenges that all retailers are currently facing are unprecedented in modern times. Our immediate and over-riding objective is to ensure the wellbeing and protection of our colleagues and our customers. Our teams continue to demonstrate a flexible, can-do attitude during this testing time, and I would like to thank my colleagues across the world for their continued commitment and positivity.

  “While the group’s near-term profitability will be impacted by the sector-wide effects of Covid-19, the board is remaining focused on protecting long-term value for its stakeholders and managing the near-term pressures on the business.

  “We have an outstanding, unique brand and a fantastic team. I am very confident that Joules will successfully emerge from this very difficult period in a position to continue to deliver its exciting long-term growth plans.”

  Joules is a Top250 retailer in RXUK Top500 research.

  Shopping set to move online – fast: IMRG

Shopping may move further online – and quickly – as a result of the coronavirus pandemic, the IMRG has warned.

  The etail trade association warns that people may have little choice but to move all of their shopping online, both for groceries and non-food products, as the virus continues to spread.

  The update came as IMRG said that online sales were slow in February, the month before the pandemic started. Andy Mulcahy, strategy and insight director at IMRG, said: “Now that stockpiling has driven demand to unprecedented levels, we may see a situation where shopper behaviour shifts over to that as a preferred channel very rapidly. Equally for general merchandise – with so little clarity over how long the current crisis will go on, people might have little choice but to switch all purchasing online.”

  Learn from Italy and prepare for online sales to grow further

  UK retailers should learn from the Italian experience and prepare themselves for a fast rise in online sales as coronavirus measures tighten, says cloud platform provider Kooomo. It says that now Italian residents are quarantined at home, with most institutions and shops, except supermarkets and pharmacies, now closed, online sales are skyrocketing.

  It says that in Italy, online sales of consumer products increased by 81%, compared to the previous week between February 24 and March 1. Orders on placed on Supermercato.24, a site that employs independent shoppers to physically shop at a store on behalf of the customer, increased by 164%. And it expects the trend to continue as shoppers buy online while avoiding public places.

  It suggests that retailers such as Amazon could become the biggest beneficiaries. UK supermarkets have also been asked increase home delivery services and expand capacity by up to 20%.

  Ciaran Bollard, chief executive of Kooomo said: “The impact of coronavirus on the global economy is accelerating the need to start delivering products to customers who cannot leave their homes. Retailers that have invested in omnichannel solutions and have in-store stock available online will help to ease the negative effect of no footfall on the high street. I know some retailers considering resupplying the main delivery warehouse with shop stock to help fulfil this demand.

  “Although this will put pressure on retailers, there are great opportunities for those that rise to the challenge and hopefully the UK and Irish markets can learn from the situation unfolding across Italy. Where the supply chain is affected for home deliveries, customers are willing to have a longer delivery window to avoid going to stores. Therefore, we would advise retailers to make sure communications with customers are accurate and transparent, as it is crucial to ensure delivery timings on an online store are updated to avoid disappointment.”

  Retailers from the Co-op to Asda hire more workers

The Co-op is hiring 5,000 store workers on a temporary basis as it looks to staff up during the current crisis. The convenience store operator says it will take on people through a fast-track process and wants to hear from those who have lost jobs elsewhere and need temporary work, or those who want permanent jobs.

  The retailer says the boost in numbers across its 2,600 stores will help them to get stock on the shelves, to fulfil online orders and help vunerable customers. People interested in applying can drop into their local Co-op store.

  Jo Whitfield, chief executive, Co-op Food, said: “The Co-op has a critical role to play in supporting our members, customers and colleagues, as well as the local communities that our stores sit at the heart of. Whilst our store and depot colleagues are working around the clock to ensure people have the essentials they need, we are all too aware that many people working in bars, pubs and restaurants are currently out of work. It makes perfect sense for us to try and temporarily absorb part of this highly skilled and talented workforce who are so adept at delivering great customer service, as we work together to feed the nation.

  “We’re talking to a large number of organisations whose workforces have been affected by this situation. To anyone in this position who is looking for a job in one of our stores, our message is simple: please get in touch now. We’ve made the application process quicker than ever and hope to have new colleagues on the ground within a day or two. What we need now is genuine, tangible cooperation as we look to support the wider economy and help the nation overcome this challenging period.”

  The retailer joins a number of other grocers who are currently recruiting. Morrisons is hiring 3,500 new delivery staff while Asda is also reported to have said it is looking for staff who can start as soon as next day.

  Supply chains will stand up to Covid-19, but support is needed: FTA

  The supply chain is strong enough to stand up to the Covid-19 crisis, says logistics industry body the FTA – but it needs support from partners in order to carry on working.

  Elizabeth de Jong, policy director at the FTA, says: “Logistics is responsible for every item used in this country, from the food we eat to the manufacturing components industry relies upon and, as such, should be recognised as a critical emergency service and its workers given the same recognition as those working for the emergency services or in healthcare. It is vital that they have urgent access to healthcare, washing and toilet facilities and their children are able to attend school, so that the flow of goods can continue unchecked.”

  De Jong added that logistics also needs government support for contingency plans to address driver shortages caused by sickness, as well as a lack of compliance testing resource to ensure that operators can continue to operate legally and effectively.

  She said: “There are still areas of ongoing regulation of our industry which require clarification, to ensure that businesses can continue to function efficiently and keep supplies moving. It is clear that we are facing unprecedented times, and additional financial support may be required for many businesses, particularly those that supply the tourism or hospitality sectors, in the very near future if the logistics sector is to survive.”

  It’s also important, she says, to keep logistics moving as normally as possible. “Logistics can cope with the challenges of the pandemic, providing everyone maintains a balanced and sensible response to the situation,” she said. “Our members are well prepared to keep goods and materials flowing to all areas of the UK’s economy, providing a pragmatic approach is maintained.”

  Delivery drivers classed as key workers

The news that delivery drivers have been classed as key workers has been welcomed.

  The status means that drivers’ children will continue to be able to go to school if their parents need to work during the coronavirus outbreak.

  This, says David Jinks, head of consumer research at ParcelHero, is to be welcomed.

  “The coronavirus outbreak has created a massive growth in home deliveries which has resulted in some home delivery services being stretched to near breaking point and the complete suspension of Ocado new orders until Saturday; and it was essential to avoid more delivery drivers missing work, because they had to look after young children.

  ‘This decision will help keep home deliveries on the road, and give a platform for retailers and their courier partners, to build up their delivery capabilities further in the days ahead.”

    Image: Fotolia

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A Day In The Life Of Elizabeth Kulas, Host And Producer Of The 7am Podcast

A Day In The Life Of Elizabeth Kulas, Host And Producer Of The 7am Podcast

A Day In The Life

by Sally Tabart

Elizabeth Kulas, host of Schwartz Media’s daily news podcast ‘7am‘. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

Each morning Elizabeth gets a coffee at Market Lane. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

Elizabeth rides to work from her home. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

‘I feel like I lived in double speed in those five years because I worked so much. I don’t say that to glorify it, just that those years were my training, and that was how it happened for me,’ describes Elizabeth. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

‘I stop at Market Lane on Faraday Street on my way in. I’ve never had a bad coffee there’, says Elizabeth. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

The 7am podcast studio, in-house at Schwartz Media in Carlton. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

A work station at 7am. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

Elizabeth reading out the daily headlines. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

Elizabeth in the studio with audio engineer and producer Atticus Bastow. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

Elizabeth Kulas has the kind of reassuring energy that makes you feel like everything is going to be alright. That is no mean feat, considering it’s her job to report on news and politics every day!

The host and producer of Schwartz Media’s new daily podcast, 7am, Elizabeth is at once warm and personable, whip-smart and laser focused. Along with her fearless team of producers, editors and audio engineers, Elizabeth is transforming the way people consume the news, while setting a new standard for podcast production in Australia.

Like many of us, Elizabeth’s early twenties were spent on a vast spectrum of different jobs while trying to figure out what she actually wanted to do. This time saw her studying Art History and German at university, living in Berlin, and spending time working as the assistant to Aesop founder Dennis Paphitis. While she loved it all, Elizabeth recalls a ‘deep yearning’ to find her *thing* underscoring this transitory time of her life.

And then a series of things happened quite quickly: Elizabeth won the US Green Card Lottery, moved to New York, and started listening to a lot of This American Life on the recommendation of her partner. Falling in love with audio storytelling as a medium, Elizabeth applied for an internship at WNYC (where she first met 7am senior producer Emile Klein, who she recruited from LA this year), and went on to travel across America for the better part of a year, to work on some of the most prolific podcasts out there, including NPR’s Planet Money and Gimlet Media’s Reply All. In 2016 Elizabeth won a PEABODY AWARD (this is a big deal!!) while she was at Planet Money reporting on a US banking scandal.

After five years of building a solid career foundation in New York, Elizabeth unexpectedly returned to Melbourne after a close family member fell ill (a move she describes as ‘an easy decision’). ‘That city had been so good to me, but my family aren’t there’, Elizabeth explains. ‘And right at the moment that all that happened, this new opportunity opened up to build a daily show with Schwartz Media.’

Hosting and producing a daily podcast is no joke. The days are long, the schedule is rigorous and things often don’t go to plan. We talk to Elizabeth about what it takes to get it done, every day.

FIRST THING

I get up around 6:30am. The first thing I do is check iTunes and Spotify to make sure that the show is out that day! But once that’s done, I try to sit for a few minutes before the day starts. It would be a stretch to call it meditation but it helps. I drink a green juice for breakfast most days. I know, I know, but the truth is that on the inside, I’m a septuagenarian Californian hippie. I shower, get ready, and then ride the ten minutes or so from home to work.

MORNING

I have a single coffee a day. I stop at Market Lane on Faraday Street on my way in. I’ve never had a bad coffee there.

I get to the office between 8 or 9am. The schedule for making a daily show with a small team is no joke and I’m so grateful for the people I get to work with every day, they make it so enjoyable. I manage the show’s schedule, so the first thing I try to do is check in with our producers, Ruby and Emile – what’s the episode we’re working on today, what interviews are scheduled, do we need to do an edit meeting or start planning a story? I often have an interview to record in the morning, too. These run for around 30-45 minutes.

Making a podcast is what I imagine making a short film must be like – it’s, by definition, a team effort. All kinds of things can and do go wrong, you’re constantly problem-solving, there’s performance and editing and improvisation required. Between 10am and 1pm, we usually sit as a group with our editor, Erik Jensen, and listen through the draft version of the next day’s episode. We take notes, give feedback, figure out what’s working in that episode and what’s not. And then we make a plan for the rest of the day.

LUNCHTIME

In the early stages of the show, it felt impossible to find time for lunch. But the hours can be long and I soon discovered that I got a lot more done over the course of a day if I took a break, so I take lunch around 12:30. Sometimes my partner, who works freelance, has time to meet me for lunch. It’s the best, especially when the sun’s out. I like the sandwiches at DOC, and in winter they make fantastic minestrone.

AFTERNOON

Afternoons can be hectic. I’m usually closing the show that goes out the next morning and planning an interview for the next day. By 4pm, there are last minute things to record, final cuts to make, and in-progress episodes to listen to and edit, sometimes solo, sometimes as a team. Audio is finicky and time-consuming. This is also the time I’m trying to fit in all the other little tasks that come up every day.

EVENING

Our third producer/audio engineer Atticus starts his day in the late afternoon and works into the evening on the final mix. I do a listen of the show around 6.30pm and make final notes, then Atticus picks it up from there. I try to leave by 7pm, but it’s often later.

I ride home, and then usually make dinner with my partner. When it’s not freezing, we often go for a walk afterwards.

I, or one of our producers, will do a final listen of the show around 9pm. We can do this from home and share the load among our team, but it means that some days can be really long. That can make unwinding tough. I find routine helps. I drink tea, chat to my partner a lot, sometimes meditate. I’ve gotten a bit better at accepting there’s always more to do at work, but I can’t be a constant hostage to it, either.

LAST THING

I read, even if it’s just a few pages. My partner and I love TV and film, so we watch something together most nights. When all else fails, there’s Seinfeld. (I once met Julia Louis Dreyfus in the bathroom at an awards ceremony and I’ll never be the same).

The 7am podcast team! From left to right: senior producer Emile Klein, host and producer Elizabeth Kulas, editor Erik Jensen, engineer/producer Atticus Bastow, producer Ruby Schwartz. Photo – Amelia Stanwix for The Design Files.

Right now I’m listening to/watching/reading… I read almost everything Schwartz Media publishes, so I’m glued to The Saturday Paper and The Monthly, as the podcast draws on all the great print reporting that’s done here. On the side, I’m slowly making my way through Rebecca Solnit’s ‘Men Explain Things to Me.’

I’ve just finished Fleabag, which I loved with all my heart. I thought it was such a perfect piece of storytelling and the second season was a triumph. Now I’m catching up on Atlanta and Big Little Lies (Meryl is a weapon!). My partner and I are massive documentary watchers, too.

One important thing I do every day is… Get as much time outside as I possibly can, even if it’s a walk around the block. And speak to my family.

I get my best work done when… I have a clear brain and can either steal away to a quiet spot or send out a quick note asking not to be disturbed for the next 30 or 45 minutes. It means I can focus on one thing for a block of time, which can be rare in my day.

A philosophy I live and work by is… Accepting I’m a recovering perfectionist and that all I can do is try my best. But more importantly, knowing my life is much bigger and richer than just my work.

My productivity tip/tool is… Be clear about what’s achievable in a day. Set priorities. Find out how much time you have, figure out what ‘done’ looks like, and work back from there.

Something I learned the hard way is… How to delegate. It involves providing clear instructions, support and also taking a leap of faith. I’ve been so thrilled by what others can achieve when they’re given those things and have the chance to use their talents.

The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. (NOT tonight - I just mean at some point in our lives - this is NOT a terrorist attack - believe me, I do NOT have malicious or evil intentions - well in my opinion at least, but sometimes our perception of ourselves differs to how others perceive us - but does that really matter? All I care about is what I think about myself) Wait, Hang On I Lied. There's one more certainty in life. That you and I are human beings. (Well, I do hope so. After all, I only know who I am. And only you know who you are) Yes I tried my best to think of an engaging first liner to grab your attention. (And if you're still reading this now - it must have worked!) I was just worried with all the 'clutter' and 'competition' out there that you could potentially miss this. And yes that's also why I have the photo of a cute baby. And also because we were all once babies at some point in our lives (well unless you came out another way which is not a certain opening in a female body) And before you amazing security officers out there, Who work super hard to protect your citizens, Even on the weekend (which is meant for rest with family) (and shout out to everyone in Australia who still worked today on Mother's Day -your sacrifice of your treasured time which could have been spent with your Mother (the technical economic term is opportunity cost - in case you were wondering - yes I know you all are secretly nerds) Will never be forgotten) Ok so back to you security officers Think of shutting this down, I assure you that this is NOT a security threat. It is NOT an act of cyber terrorism. 'So what is it then?' - you find yourself thinking (Yes I am a mind reader) Today marks a turning point in the course of mankind. Today marks a day that hope is restored in the world. What you are seeing today will be written in history books for future generations to come. We will make it in a Guinness World Record Book for 1. The most number of people clicking going on a facebook event 2. The most number of people posting on a facebook event page 3. The most number of people sharing the same message across social media I know what you're thinking. Well this girl sounds 'ambitious' Which were common responses I got Well yes, This is 'ambitious' I think so too But 'ambitious' and 'reality' are NOT mutually exclusive (is this the right term? I always struggled with probability in maths) But it's going to happen - keep reading on if you would like to see how history is going to be made :) (But technically, history is being 'made' every single day by each and every one of us just be being alive - even going to the toilet and eliminating waste is technically 'making' history) Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. (And news outlets out there! Please choose a decent photo of me [ie. not one where my armpit hair is showing] Actually, I don't mind if you can find a photo of me with armpit hair. (Yes - that's a challenge!) (We all have hair - I don't see what's the big deal) (Why would you want to see a photo of me with armpit hair when you can just strip yourself down [yes I put this in just for you - you know who you are xD] and just lift up your arm and VOILA!!! Hair before your very eyes!!!!! ) (I'm actually super hairy In my opinion For a girl) Also, I'm going to keep on ranting about this (again, PMS is a real thing for the female population - have sympathy for us fellas!) Another thing I do not understand is why we must wear clothes And in some places in the world, Such as Australia, We can actually get charged with a criminal offence (and maybe be put in gaol) For stripping down in certain public places (with some exceptions such as nude beaches which are mainly filled with elderly people right now - I reckon we can diversify that a little) And showing our 'private parts' (but are our 'private parts' really even that 'private' after all if we all have them? (well I know it differs between females and males)) but yeah - and some of us have unique bodies - either born naturally or through operations - I respect that - it's your life and you choose how you would like to live it - and which gender you would like to live as and which private parts you would like to have) And in some places like Australia, Myth has it that the bigger something (something in a similar shape to a sausage) is The more masculine a male is Well to me, that's absolutely bullshit I don't know how these 'myths' even originated! All sizes are beautiful to me! Ok, so back to me and armpit hair: I filled in one of my friends' survey about hair and shaving yesterday. Why is shaving a thing anyways? We all have hair on our bodies (well some more than others but we all do) Why is it often socially unacceptable for girls have to have cleanly shaven armpits when they wear sleeveless tops or dresses? And why is often socially acceptable for males to not shave?? Now that is gender discrimination to the max! Why is this NOT written in the Discrimination Act in Australia?? (or maybe it is - I have to admit I haven't read it - and I highly doubt that my fellow Australian peers have either - but apologies! If it is in there!) And on that note of Discrimination, It is so real And close It still happens today in the 21st century!!! Right here in Australia This week, I had the privilege of talking to a beautiful Indigenous lady I've always been curious of Indigenous Australian culture (do you know that Indigenous Australian culture is the oldest surviving culture in the entire world???) WOW Because I certainly didn't know this. If Australia was a person And let's just say I was that person for theoretical purposes I would go around showing that off I would tell everyone I would tell the entire world I would be super proud of that I would make sure the entire world knows (but why doesn't the entire world know?- well maybe it's only me who is oblivious and ignorant and unaware - and maybe all of you do know this - please correct me if I'm wrong) Ok, so yeah. This beautiful Indigenous lady (and I do remember your name - I just want to make sure I respect your privacy before I decide to put your name here for the world to see because there's no way that I have been able to contact you) Said her dream was to become a cook (yes you go girl!) And she applied for a cook job recently. She was called in for an interview. But as soon as she showed up, They told her the position had been filled Now if that isn't discrimination to the max, I don't know what you call that I was super angry when I heard this. Now those of you who know me know that I don't normally get angry It takes quite a bit to get Leeann angry (I give off the impression of being a calm, controlled, sweet, pure and innocent girl) If I was present at the time, I would've taken those café owner(s) to court. And sue you for breaching the Discrimination Act Because the legislation is real and it is properly enforced (well I don't work in the legal field so I actually wouldn't know) But nothing in the world (I believe) cannot be resolved with Honest and open Communication. Just by opening our mouths and making some sounds (I think that's what we call a language), Together, we can solve any problem And we must learn to be accountable And take responsibility for our own actions Like a girl (why do we tend to say man? Are we trying to imply that females are less brave than men? My fellow female population Let's band together and prove them wrong -Trust me boys, you never mess with girls, We will make sure You Rue For The Rest Of Your Life Until The Moment You Die :) [just kidding XD- no I'm not kidding here] Yes, we must take responsibility for our own actions like a girl (I remember seeing a campaign trying to challenge gender stereotypes a couple of years back - that was awesome! I forgot what it was called though but I do remember it so it means it was effective) And I will illustrate this with something we all do -fart. Why do we feel the need to suppress our urges to fart? If you stink up a room with your own smelly gas, Then at least do it proudly! Make it as loud as possible! And admit it was you! And apologise maybe! OR, if that's too scary for you, I have another suggestion which has largely been inspired by one of my close mates (who I'm sure would probably appreciate it if I don't name and shame them - your very welcome in advance =D) This is no magic but You simply tell the person you're talking to or the people around you that you need to fart And head outside To do the deed. Then walk back in. And continue with your life. Easy. See, life isn't at all that complicated is it? (I know! I'm a genius!!!) Prior to my launch tonight, I shared my initiative 'Die To Live' with some fellow peers. I had many people who doubted me. But I also had many people who had absolute faith. Now, I don't blame those of you who I spoke to and doubted me. If someone told me that at Sunday 9pm on the 13th of May, 2018, Hope will be restored in the world, That the world will be changed And that it will be a major event in history, I will look at them And think they're nuts! (And no, in case you were wondering, I don't mean the pecan nut, macadamia nut, or peanut) And some of these people also looked like they wanted to lock me up in a mental health hospital. But what does it even mean to be 'mentally ill?' Am I considered 'crazy' just because I have different opinions that nobody else seems to have? Does that make me 'mentally ill?' (Correct me if I'm wrong, but in my humble opinion, that just means I'm a human being) While we're on the topic of 'mental illness,' Check out the School of Life and one of their recent videos Called something along the lines of - why the modern society makes us mentally ill I watched it over breakfast yesterday and could not agree more (i promise that this is not paid advertising/product placement or whatever we choose to call it) Because it's so good that I voluntarily choose to 'advertise' for them The School of Life does not need any paid marketing (yes you girls are awesome!) But at the same time, Yes, I get you. I wouldn't believe it either Until I see it unfold Before my very eyes Myself. But I certainty would not lock someone with different thoughts to mine in a mental health hospital, away from the rest of society. I would simply respect their opinion, try to understand and empathise from their point of view and then move on with my life. And I also had one special 'case.' You know who you are. You're the person I bumped into and didn't think I was 'insane' but instead thought I was plotting to commit suicide at 9pm Sunday May 13th and then upload 13 videos onto Facebook with each video incriminating a different person who lead me to end my life. -Just like the TV series - 13 reasons why Oh you funny!! (but I'm even funnier xD) But you had faith in me and that's all that matters :D Life is NOT a Television series!!! (For those of you who don't know what a TV is - it is essentially a virtual reality -trust me though, it's nothing special - and you're not missing out - because you're living your own reality instead - and I believe that is infinite times cooler than watching someone else's) But what I don't understand is why some of you who doubted me had absolute faith in science. (I'm not throwing shade here [or am I? - well too bad too sad because you'll never know what goes through my mind] but Shout out to that person I had an extremely heated intense friendly 2 hour banter sesh about science and religion a couple of days ago) Those words you used cut me But I forgive you Because I know you didn't mean it Because, in my humble opinion, science is a belief system in itself based off faith. For example, most of us in today's era believe that the Earth is round. And this is 'proven' to us through science. But until I personally travel up into space and view the Earth from a distance with my own very eyes, I refuse to believe this as an absolute 'truth.' (but even then, I may not even trust my own eyes - they could be lying to me - I could just be hallucinating) We often like to think we are 100% certain of many things in our everyday lives. Perhaps uncertainty makes us feel uneasy. In my opinion, we dislike uncertainty. Which is why we try to structure our lives and lock ourselves in some kind of routine to try and eliminate uncertainty (but this is simply NOT possible in my opinion - the only certainty in life is death - but even that's not even certain) Who said we should eat 3 meals a day - Breakfast Lunch And Dinner (for those of you who don't know what I'm rambling on about - because I'm aware you may or may not have ever eaten a proper meal (yet) - they're just names some of us use to tell ourselves when we should eat) Wouldn't hunger be a better indicator of when to eat instead of locked in time periods? And who said that we should aim for 5 serves of vegetables and 2 serves of fruit per day or something along those lines? (Yes it's a rhetorical question - I know who - 'official' nutritional guidelines or something I think) Because for me, if I know that the only certainty in life is death I would rather eat what I want to eat If I enjoy the taste of it But at the same time, it is all about the 'balance' (as Katherine Du likes to say) (there will be more on food and eating in the second part of my 'story' -I'm not going to tell you all of it now -just to make sure you keep reading heeeheheheee) And who decided that humans should sleep once a day? And it has to be at nighttime? And who came up with the guidelines that children need about 9-10 hours of sleep per night And that adults need about 6-8 hours per night? (Yes I know - it is scientifically 'proven' - but how did you scientists come up with these numbers? In saying this, I have the most utmost respect for you scientists -I'm just curious -it's hard work working in labs -I have some mates studying science/medicine and they tell me about their 4 hour lab sessions When I heard this, I was angry Because That's torture! Abuse of human rights!! Because I get hungry every 2-3 hours!!!) Wouldn't sleepiness and fatigue be more appropriate signals of when to sleep? Mum, I know you will read this. I did tell you that your friend's daughters will probably read my 'story' first Then tell their parents Then they will call you up And tell you to read this. (I wasn't at all wrong about that was I?) I have to main things I would like to say to you mummy: 1. Happy mother's day! 2. I love you Remember two nights ago when I got home and slept at 7pm Without eating dinner? And you were upset the next morning that I didn't eat your food? I apologise again if I hurt you, But I feel like it was not that necessary to 'lash out at me' when I asked (just innocently out of curiosity): Who decided that humans should eat 3 meals a day? OK so back to the science and religion 'friendly banter' I had Once again, the only certainty in life is death. (and I will repeat this numerous times throughout my 'story' just to annoy you - <3 - I challenge you to count how many times I mention that - and maybe there will be a prize for the person who gets the right number or gets closest to the right number! - just like those jelly bean in a jar guessing competitions! - just kidding - I'm not serious on this one - I can't be bothered to count myself - I have bigger fish to fry ;)) People thousands of years back were 100% certain that the Earth was flat. But they were somehow 'proven' to be 'wrong'. Now we (or just me) are 100% certain that the Earth is round. So in my humble opinion, we can only 'disprove' things but never 'prove' things. We merely get less 'wrong' each time round (Manson, 2016) But we are never 100% 'right.' Anything is possible. (Well maybe besides eternal life beyond Earth - but even that is not 100% impossible) So, an anonymous person who wishes not to be named recently brought to my attention how Fast the world is changing around us. For example, Facebook was invented in 2004 - it's only been 14 years - but I seem to hardly remember any parts of my life without Facebook in it) Wikipedia was launched in 2001 (and I didn't get this one from Wikipedia) (I don't know how I wouldn't 'survived' all those assignments without you! Thank you Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger! And bless all you other inventors out there who invented something useful to humanity! Again, bless you all who believed me without needing to see it happen. You know who you are. I will never forget how you made me feel. There is nothing that fuels the human spirit like faith. (unless it's more alcohol) Complete And Utter Faith. Even my mother who raised me for 19 years and whom I crawled out of her (something - let's just say body) Doubted me. Yet some of you had utter and complete faith in me within minutes of talking to you for the very first time. And I reiterate again (mum, I'm not throwing shade at you here) If I had a daughter and she told me she's on a quest to change the world this Sunday at 9pm on Mother's Day, I (I don't know what I would do but I would probably not believe her) So….back to how Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'read' because I am also aware that language translation will be needed. TIP: Try copy and pasting this into google translate! (man technology does wonders!!!) And also because not all of us are blessed to be taught how to read. As to why I chose to use English, It's because it just happens to be the language I'm most fluent in. And also because, for some reason, English also happens to be the 'universal' language used across the world. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'see' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to see. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'listen' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to hear. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'smell' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to smell. (this doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm saying today because in my humble opinion, I don't think we can smell a story??? - well feel free to prove me wrong - nothing is certain in life besides death. TBH (to be honest), I just wanted repetition for a couple of lines because I learnt in high school English, that it will help deliver my message across) And I also say 'eventually' because not everyone in the world as it currently stands has even seen what 'technology' looks like, let alone have access to social media. That’s why I'm relying on YOU all to translate my message and communicate it to these fellow peers. I'm just one person. And I need your help. I can't do this alone (but I will if I have to -but ideally not!) So you find yourself still thinking…. 'Ok, I still have no idea what this post is about.' (Yes I am actually a mind reader) Apologies! I'm only human and I'm flawed and I do occasionally get just a little side-tracked and distracted. You're life has value. You were born for a reason. And I will prove it to you. (Yes - I remember whispering this in one beautiful human's ear a couple of days ago. This beautiful human was so selfless and looked out for me when I was not in the best state of self (this hero walked into the female toilets since I was chundering and got kicked out of security guards as a result) (this hero was prepared to take me home on a 1.5 bus ride at like 11pm at night towards a direction which was completely opposite to where he/she lived) (and this hero probably got some of my churned up mix of food and alcohol on them too - soz) (and I apologise again for that other beautiful human who I chundered on their hand -soz not soz - HAHAHA -I do mean it when I say that (now you're probably wondering which part I'm referring to [well you'll never know! Heheee - <3] ) And thank you to you too! You know who you are! I love our long-as text message chats! And that card you wrote me for my 18th last year -those words really touched me Even though we meet up like once (ok I may be using hyperbole here - I'll say twice) a year, You mean the world to me To me, friendships and relationships in general are much more than hanging out in real life, To me, friendships and relationships are more about having that emotional/spiritual connection with another human being To me, friendships and relationships are not defined by physical presence (although I do believe hanging out in real life is nice too - but life sometimes takes us in different directions - and that is not always possible) You may love another person dearly, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to be together with a physical presence. 'True' love, in my opinion, is when you genuinely want the best for the other person And being genuinely happy to see them happy Yes that night at Metro Theatre in the city, I got kicked out by security guards within 30 minutes of going inside for a combined university event. I think (and you never trust a drunk person's memory) I had about 11 shots of straight vodka that night (looking back, that was not the best idea) Those security guards who kicked us out were not the nicest people. I know that Deep Deep Deep Deep Deep Down That you guys are beautiful people - just please bring it to the surface and show it to the world You could've been a lot more nicer. After I got kicked out and as I was walking towards Maccas (yas I love you maccas - happy meals were my childhood - why are soft serves $0.75 now? They used to only be $0.30! Inflation is a real thing! That's why I love economics! - I'm expecting a massive surge in economics students both at high school and university heheehee - economics teachers and lecturers - you are very welcome XD) In my drunken and semi-conscious state, I remember vaguely rambling on saying things like Why are people like this? Why are people so mean? Why is the world like this? And probably also crying my chunder out at the same time I was always that good straight A studious nerdy student who always did my homework on time and listened to the teacher in class. I waited till I was 18 until I had my first legal drink. (well I did occasionally have some sips of wine at home over dinner but nothing substantial until I turned 18 -unlike most Asian dads, My dad encouraged me to drink at home - he was more than happy! - you're cool dad xD - just wanted to let you know that) I was at a university first years camp when I had my first drink. I remember feeling sad because the alcohol was way too diluted -and I was too 'heavy-weight' -and I couldn't physically drink that much fluid to feel drunk because I was too full Looking back, I was probably drunk and was probably on the verge of my limit But I didn't know because I've never felt what it was like to be 'drunk' Then about a month and a half later, I went to one of my mate's surprise 18th I wanted to 'test' my 'limit' I drank as many different types of alcohol I could get my hands on Rum Vodka Soju Gin White wine Red wine Whiskey Tequila You Name It (well probs besides Maotai which is $$$$ - and we were all young dumb and broke uni students - yes Khalid I love you) And you can probably guess How my night turned out My face was in the bathroom sink for about 3 hours (well it felt like 10 minutes to me but I've realised my perception is super distorted while under the influence) Thank you to those who accompanied me for the entirety or a part of those 3 hours - I'm sure it didn't make it onto the best nights of your life list I remember feeling so ashamed after. I could not stop thinking about it for at least 3 weeks. My reputation! Like most people who chunder for the first time, I vowed that It Wouldn't Happen Again. (deep inside I knew it would because I just wasn't happy and I knew I would turn to more alcohol to distract myself from that constant emptiness but I didn't see another alternative back then) But my brother and mates weren't at all that 'wrong' when they said something along the lines of That's what they all say. Within a couple of weeks (or months - if that detail matters), I Unsurprisingly Chundered Again. And then I repeated what I said previously. And I got the same responses as I did before (kind of like déjà vu) And then the cycle kept repeating itself so many times that I lost count of how many times I chundered Because I stopped caring My 'reputation' was damaged beyond repair anyways And I was happy with the new me (the person who started to care less about what others thought of me) I was always that super good girl who was sweet, nice and 'innocent' (whatever that means) But what does it even mean to be 'innocent?' What's the definition? A lot of my friends had often commented that when they first met me I seemed like an innocent girl then they realised they were 'wrong' like super 'wrong' - completely off Does the fact that I love alcohol And the fact that I've chundered more times than I remember And the fact that I like to squeal at high pitches to the point it may cause long term ear damage (apologies to those people who I have damaged your hearing permanently) And the fact that I really enjoy raves And love waking up to hardstyle music every morning And chucking a phat (someone please explain to me why it's spelt with a 'ph' - I tried googling but I never found an answer - I guess you can't find all the answers to life's problems on google) Muzz To start my day Make me any less 'innocent'? OK so back to that night I got kicked out of Metro Theatre. It was that night when I realised you beautiful humans had my back. And I will forever have yours too. You are all beautiful. And I still remember that night like it was tonight. And I will never forget it. It is around 9pm here where I am in Sydney, Australia right now. There are approximately 7.6 billion people in this world (rounded to 1 decimal place and 2 significant figures - or 'sig figs' - I'm not talking about the dried fruit here) (according to the World Population Clock at 12:18pm yesterday - Sydney time) I may just be one girl. But one girl can change the world. If you don't believe me, I will prove it to you. (200% guarantee Just take a screenshot of this message When you visit me in gaol/jail [depending on where you live in the world] Effective for one year within today HAHAHA in case you haven't realised already, I'm only kidding) Why must we rely on legal systems and laws to protect ourselves from lies? Why can't we rely on trust instead? I realise that it's probably impractical to scrap our legal systems together -but I do reckon mixing a bit of 'trust' into the mixture won't hurt And I am aware that I live in a hole (not literally) I have lived in Sydney, Australia for most of my life Which I know is not representative of the entire world. Some of the things I talk about may make absolutely no sense to you. But I only humbly ask that you take a moment to understand what some of your fellow peers on the other side of the globe go through on a daily basis or have experienced Even if it is super foreign to you. (If you check up on the news on a regular basis, This should be no different I guess But probs maybe just a bit more 'spicy' and realistic) I'm sure you would like to same favour (or should I say flavour HAHHAH - gosh I'm so funny!) to be returned to you. Can I count on you guys (and the entire female population - I don't know why it's normal to say 'guys' for both genders) to have a read of what I have to say first And try not to act on any prejudice or judgement Before you decide to shut it down? Yeah, sorry, I got a little side-tracked again So… The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. So what is the point of staying alive now if it's all going to come to an end? Why are we living to die instead of dying to live? All of us have a mother. (assuming you are all humans like me and started with 'something' that happened between a male and female) I love my mum. Without my mum I wouldn't be here tonight. Without my mum I wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with you tonight. Without my mum you wouldn't be reading this tonight. In Sydney, Australia, Today is Mother's Day. And it's no coincidence that I've chosen this day to connect with you. This is because today we show our appreciation for the beautiful and incredible woman who brought us into this world, whether she is here with you or not today. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who sucked up the discomfort of having a massive bulge sticking out of her belly for 9 months. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who suffered physical pain and bleed from childbirth. I don't think there can be any other pain greater than the pain of childbirth (well I haven't given birth so I guess I'm not qualified to say so) (Yes the cute baby photo was specifically chosen to capture your attention) Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who blessed us with a life full of opportunity. Mother's Day is today, in Australia. Why are we on social media? And I am no hypocrite here. Why am I myself on social media tonight? Why have we felt the need to create a 'Day' for all our 'Mothers' out there? Is it because, without a 'Mother's Day,' we will forget to love our 'Mothers'? Shouldn't our mothers be appreciated every single day? (Same for all the 'Father's' out there!!! I love you Dad) In the past, all I did for Mother's Day was go to the shops and buy a box of chocolates or some flowers or whatever was on "Mother's Day Sale." But I've realised there are many things that Money Cannot Buy. (feel free to prove me wrong here) There are many things that cannot be Bought And Sold Based on demand and supply on a Market (Yes I love economics!!!) Love. Time. Purpose. Faith. Hope. Life. The List Goes On And On . . . In my humble opinion, I feel like some meaningful celebrations have been overly commercialised in some 'developed' countries. I feel like Christmas Day is more about buying presents and decorating the Christmas tree. I feel like Easter Day is about eating chocolate shaped in an oval egg shape (or bunny or whatever fancy shape chocolate is moulded into to make it more appealing to buy and eat and make it seem different but at the end of the day it's just chocolate - well maybe different in the sense that it has differing percentages of cocoa content - I'm personally a big fan of dark chocolate! - I reckon 70% is just 'perfect' - well just 'right' - because nothing is 'perfect' but also nothing is 'right' - so yeah, I just contradicted what I just said). I feel like ANZAC Day is more about eating ANZAC cookies and buying things with the Australian flag printed on it. And I feel like Chinese New Year is more about receiving free money from relatives (as long as you are unmarried). Now, I'm not suggesting that you should all divorce or remain single for life and go become Chinese. I'm just telling you about my 'blood nationality' and our culture. Also, while we're on the topic of marriage, I am not at all against marriage (I think marriage is wonderful and Western white wedding dresses are super beautiful on brides), in my humble opinion, I don't really understand the point of marriage? To me, Love is about remaining loyal both physically and emotionally to another human of our own choosing (in my opinion, regardless of gender). Personally, I don't see the need to have my 'love' with another human solidified by the legal system under a notion called 'marriage.' I believe if we truly 'love' another person, We should be able to trust them to remain loyal (both emotionally and physically) to us without protection under the legal system And live together happily ever after (Yes I'm a big dreamer and lover of Disney and I believe in happily ever after fairytale endings with my Prince HEEEHEHEE) And, while we're on the topic of Princes and Princesses and fairytale endings, (I know we all love a good romance on such a dark, romantic night here in Australia and most stories told through mediums such as books and movies tend to have at least a touch of love in them And some have a bigger focus than others *Cough* *Cough* Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) One of my favourite TV shows (back in the day I still used to watch TV) was the Bachelor/Bachelorette <3 But now I prefer to live in my own reality TV show instead of watching another's on an electronic screen To my Prince out there, (yes you know who you are) Who wishes not to be named (and shamed - hahah just kidding - Well, hopefully you don't find what I'm about to say to be too embarrassing) The way I fundamentally feel towards you has not changed one bit And I'm not talking about hate here (jokes! I lied! I actually feel even stronger towards you now <3) And gosh, No other human on Earth has ever made me cry as many times as you have. No one can compete with how many rivers on Earth I've filled with my salty tears. (everyone else reading this, please don't try to break the Guinness World Record here - I reckon I've had my fair share of tears and breakdowns) And I meant it when I said nobody has ever made me feel this way. (or something like I've never felt this way towards somebody - or the other way around - well I guess that's not important) (and well I guess it does make sense that everybody feels differently towards each person because they're different people) -that paragraph was very coherent - I know I've already told you this directly but repetition surely doesn't hurt! Thank you for always considering what is best for me in everything you've done. (Well I hope that's what you've been doing - only you know what's going inside that interesting head of yours) Thank you for teaching me the importance of honest and open communication. I would never forget that night when you asked me out in the most romantic location one could possibly think of. (Solid memz) (And great place IF we have any future anniversaries) Thank you for all the 'fun' experiences we've shared together (Yes you know which one I'm referring to in particular ;)) I hope we have many more nights just like that (well maybe just a bit more) You're a Tim Tam Because You're Simply Irresistible And you know which Guinness World Record of mine (or personal best) I would like to break ;) (please don't go finding another planet to live on to get away from me) And I love how we always go 'hunting' for the same places when we're out and about in public ;))))) I also would like to say that I miss you. A lot. <3 (AWWWWW) And I've been thinking about you A lot. (AWWWW) And Just like how I've previously never envisioned a life without a uni degree till this Monday, I've never been able to envision a life without you in it (and I probably won't be able to - but nothing is certain besides death - so I could be wrong I guess) I was never quite a full believer in soul mates Until I met you There was always a 'mystical' feeling I felt around you. I never understood what it was Until now I thought it was just 'lust' Or you were just secretly a 'fuckboi' (whatever that means) But I realised it was much more than that. OK, that's the last (massive) chunk of cheese I'm feeding you guys (for tonight). And I'm sure the rest of you have eaten enough cheese for the day. And I don't want to make you puke tonight. Because that's not my job -That's the job of your significant other <3 I don't know what you were expecting when I messaged you yesterday asking for your permission to have your first name in my 'story.' Well, since you said no, I assume you probably weren't expecting this. (man I had some great jokes I wanted to crack with your first name - GRRRRR) But again, as I have already told you, In this life, If we would like to have a nice and healthy relationship, We must accept the fact that we have the right to both reject and be rejected by others. And others hurt us but we also hurt others. That's just part of life. So, I respect your decision. I had to get that off my chest. Because now, When I'm on my deathbed, I don't have to be wondering what could've been had I chosen to tell you. Instead, When I'm on my deathbed, I can spend my last hours reflecting on what a wonderful life it's been Surrounded by my family and closest friends. Now, I've done everything I possibly could within my control. Now, it's all on you now. And please respect how it's a private matter between us two from now on. Your own love lives are much more interesting than mine. Trust me. Why would you want to see how someone else's story ends (or starts) when you can be writing your own 'story?' So go out there and tell that person you've been wanting to tell how you feel how you've felt all along! Be a girl! Growing up, it was always drilled into me that guys should be the ones chasing girls and girls should not chase guys. And that girls should play 'hard to get' Wouldn't life be so much simpler if you start feeling like you like someone, To say something along the lines of: "Hey. I like you. Do you feel the same way?" Then it can either only go one or two ways (Well we all hope it goes one particular way) And then you can move on happily with life and find someone else who also feels the same way and live happily ever after (well unless you're super unlucky and get a fence sitter And apologies, if that's the case, I don't have any further advice for you - you're on your own then xD) I used to think that expressing my emotions was a sign of weakness. I was 'wrong' (whatever it means to be 'wrong' or 'right') But I've realised it actually takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you feel hurt by something they've done. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you love them. But, in my opinion, by telling others how we feel, It actually liberates us. It allows us to make amends Instead of letting resentment build And then exploding later Like our own internal Big Bang Because in my Theory (I guess you can call it the Big Bang Theory), believe me, in my experience, I have exploded many times (not literally) By letting my resentment build (under the influence [heavy] of alcohol) If you don't believe me, Believe Bronnie Ware!! For those of you who don't know Bronnie, She worked as a palliative nurse for 8 years looking after people in their final days alive. And she writes in her book "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," That one of the top 5 regrets she heard from people with limited time on Earth was that they wished they had the courage to express their own emotions. I used to put on a face and act like something that really hurt me didn't affect me at all. I don't understand why I aspired to be a 'psychopath.' Because a key characteristic of a 'psychopath' is that they feel no emotions. Our ability to feel emotions, whether that be: Happiness Disappointment Joy Anger Resentment Love Is what makes us human. Why do we attempt to 'dehumanise' ourselves? So back to marriage…. Again, I am not against marriage. Well, even if I am, why should you care? It's your life and you choose and how you would like to live it. And believe me, in my humble opinion, life is too short for you to spend a couple of minutes writing a nasty comment trying to convince me of the importance of marriage. (Well if you decide to do so, I'm absolutely honoured! because it means I'm super important to you because you care a lot about what I think) But for me personally, I would just like to wear a nice white pretty long wedding dress for fun and take some photos around my closest family and friends Anyways, got a little side tracked again. Back to the topic: I know that many of us struggle or have struggled to find meaning in life. I'm one of them. And I'll be sharing my story with you. I know if I don't wake up tomorrow, I can Rest In Peace. Apologies, if I have generalised or made false assumptions in parts of my 'story' by using words like "We." I know that there is no other certainty besides death. But sometimes, it is 'easier' to do so to illustrate a point I'm trying to make. I hope you understand. If you don't like what I have to say, you can either (Mark Manson): 1. Do nothing OR 2. Do something I value all opinions and perspectives. I only ask that you do so in a courteous and respectful manner. Growing up, my dad was always the logical one and less of a 'dreamer' than I was. I tried having D&M (Deep and Meaningful conversations) with my Dad but they never turned out the way I hoped. 'Dad, what do you think the meaning of life is?' 'There's no meaning. You live. You die. That's it.' Wow! So optimistic Dad!! I love you Dad! Growing up, you also 'tried' (and I use the word 'tried' because you weren't that successful in doing so) to drill into me that it was a waste of time and energy to 'care too much' about the world Because you said there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to accept life the way it is. Well, back to Mark Manson's two options, You can probably guess which path I decided to take (and it wasn't to accept it I Refuse to accept the world as it is) To all my fellow peers out there, If I have offended you, please let me know. I am not perfect. I don't try to be perfect. And I don't need to be perfect. And as much effort as I've put it and how hard I've tried to minimise resentment and offense, (Just like how I'm trying to be at the minimum point on the parabola And at the maximum point on the parabola with my impact) I'm only human. And so are you. And to further illustrate my point that nothing in this world is 'perfect' (apologies if this sounds like an essay), My 'story' is not fully edited. I've ran through it once - made some changes and this is what you're reading now. There are errors. There are bits repeated. There are bits that make no sense whatsoever. This is to further highlight my belief that nothing in the world is 'perfect' (or the real reason could just be that I'm lazy and cbbs editing it) LOL DISCLAIMER: I do not accept any legal responsibility for any tears shed Or any laughs shared Or any puke vomited from cheese overload in the process of reading my 'story.' (Oh and in case you haven't realised already It's also R rated And if you don't know what that means Adults only!! - just kidding, anyone can read my 'story') I reckon that our mental state would be a better measure of our 'real age' Because our age is just a 1, 2 (or 3) (or 4) (or more) digit number which doesn't indicate anything about our 'maturity' level (whatever that means) nor our 'wisdom' (whatever that means) You are reading at your own risk. Remember It's YOUR own life. And YOU choose how to live it. (Please show appreciation for the fact that I've been nice and have made this disclaimer at a font size that you can actually see) [Tip: Get a box of tissues ready (don’t worry if you don’t know what tissues are - they just help absorb our tears) You can live without them! Actually we can live without a lot of things If my house was on fire, i know what i would choose to take - nothing at all - nothing but myself and my family - I slept in a room with nothing [not literally] but a mattress laid on top of the carpet on the floor with a blanket, pillow, oxygen, walls, life and I was clothed too] And in case you were wondering, I didn't choose to do that for fun. My house was under renovations for a couple of weeks (we repainted the entire house and changed the entire carpet) And during those two weeks, I felt like I was 'homeless' I can't imagine what it's like to actually be sleeping out in the open on the streets Or being a refugee I felt like I was being kicked out of my own dwelling and I didn't belong - I felt lost and very uncomfortable OK, so here's my 'story'. https://leeannchn.wixsite.com/dietolive/single-post/2018/05/13/Lets-Not-Live-To-Die-but-Die-To-Live

2017 Year In Review

We go into the start of every new year not knowing what it will bring but with goals and plans in mind we do our best to make them a reality. 

This was a big year for us as a family, and while I got to work on a few really cool projects as well I limited the amount of work I took on this year.

I had two main goals for the year:

1. Take on a project that was out of my comfort zone.

2. Prepare my family for a move over seas.

PROJECTS

I was able to launch a couple of side projects, they didn’t get much traction but I’m proud of them for what they are. They were both good learning experiences for me personal.

The Be Creative/Be Kind Project

This was a project I created in an effort to give back a little bit, to spread a little kindness into the world at a time when everything felt so heavy and negative. The premise was that anyone could sign and through an exchange of a few emails I would get to know you a little bit; enough so that I could then create a piece of art work that was meant just for you. Maybe an illustration, a sketch, a hand-lettering piece or painting. Whatever it was it would be made by hand and delivered to you for free.

What Worked: I got a few request; a couple from outside the states which was very cool. In the process I got to meet and get to know some interesting people. I also got to play with Webflow and test it out, which was nice.

What Didn’t Work: While the idea was a good one (I think), I didn’t announce it before hand since I basically came up with the idea, created it and launched it within about 48hrs. Plus, while I love creating with my hands it’s not something I’m known for.

http://be-creative-be-kind.webflow.io/

Confessions of A Freelance Mom Podcast

This was a huge one for me. I really stepped out of my comfort-zone with this one. I started what I was calling a mini-cast; that is a podcast where each episode only ran no longer than 10 minutes about freelancing from home while being a full-time parent with a toddler at home and 6year old in school. It was fun but also challenging. It was way more work than I anticipated, even being so short or maybe because I was trying to keep them so short.

What Worked: I got some great feed back from a few podcasters I have long admired and a little affirmation that was very encouraging. And I think the topic was a very relevant one in our industry today.

What Didn’t Work: While I started out with a good response it seemed to slow down significantly after the first month; about 4-episodes in and I lost my enthusiasm for the project. A project like this also requires planning, certainly much more planning than I gave it. In hindsight I really should have planned out the episodes better that would have helped give it more of a flow rather than perhaps feeling like random, off the cuff topics (which they were).

https://bumpers.fm/u/confessions

My First Food Truck Client

This was a big one for me professionally. Not only did I design things from the ground up but I also got to brand the project. From naming it to choosing the color scheme and design elements. This was a fun one and a bit nerve racking. It has been an on-going project for the last six months as the client is putting this together while working full-time as a private chef. 

We were aiming for a November 2017 launch date but the client ran into some unforeseen mechanical issues with the truck itself. While we wait on those issues to be resolved we’re working on finishing up the website. 

There really is a lot more to this particular project that deserves a post of it’s very own. Maybe once everything is complete and I’ve had time to gather my thoughts I’ll write up a nice long case study.

You can see a few pieces from this project on my Dribble page if interested.

FAMILY STUFF

This past year we were able to take several family vacations and since our girls were both old enough to enjoy them for the first time it was really memorable.

NEW MEXICO 

This has long been one of my husband and I’s favorite place for a getaway so it was really special to get to share it with our girls. We took them to White Sands to play and sled the dunes. We made it Cloud Croft to hike in the Lincoln National Forrest. The Sandia Peak Tramway which is way up in the mountains just outside Albuquerque, where they got to see snow for the first time. Then we spent a few days exploring Albuquerque before heading to Carlsbad to see the caverns.

NEW ORLEANS 

This was partially a business trip for my husband we were headed up to Georgia and just had to stop and spend a few days exploring New Orleans which was wonderful. Amazing food and beautiful architecture.

SAVANNAH, GEORGIA

Savannah’s downtown is amazing. They have great kid friendly museums. We ate at Paula Deen’s restaurant, the Forest Gump Diner where Jenny worked, and the kids loved the outdoor splash pads that were all over the place. We spent a lot of time in those. Plus a day at the beach, you go that close to the coast without visiting a beach, especially with my kids.

Home Remodel Projects

Master Bath - total gut job. Replaced a shower/tub combo with a walk-in shower done in subway tile and new floor tile. Scrapped the popcorn ceiling off and repainted.

Kids Bath - New tile flooring and new double sink vanity as well as a new coat of paint.

Master Bedroom - Scrapped the popcorn ceiling, new base boards and new paint scheme.

Hardwood Floors - Finished off the house with new hardwood flooring throughout the entire house.

Painted The Exterior Brick - The entire front portion of our house is brick and I finally got around to painting over the dark redish/brown brick to something lighter and more modern.

Move To Japan!

I know what you’re thinking; we did all that work to the house only to move overseas? We’ll yes and no. A lot, probably the majority of that work had already begun prior to us finding out we would be moving. Which worked well as we are only renting our home and not selling it.

So we found out around April that the move was happening for sure. My husband is a Civil Engineer for the Air Force and an opportunity opened up for him. After a lot of discssion, we decided he would apply for the job not knowing for sure if he would get it or not. 

Once we got word it would be happening everything went into warp drive. I spent the better part of that time purging as much as I could which turned out to be more of a task than I thought. It’s amazing the crap you hold onto and collect over the years. 

I honestly can’t even tell you how much stuff I got rid of. I just know it was endless bags of kids clothes and toys. I purged about half my closet, a quarter of my kitchen and 3/4 of the garage. The garage was the really the biggest undertaking. It was piles of stuff that I had been begging my husband to get rid of. I had already gotten rid of about half of what was in there and organized it at the beginning of the year, but somehow it was just in shambles again that spring. 

It was a lot of waiting, and working to get the house in order, and more waiting. His orders to leave kept getting pushed back. I was honestly starting to think it just wasn’t going to happen. But once the order came through in November it was a snow ball. Everything happened so quickly after that we had about a month to have our house packed up, flights books, hotels booked, cars to be sold, hire a management firm for our house, get our passports in, and pack up whatever we would be traveling with. Honestly it was all a blur once they said go. 

We landed in Japan on December 18th, 2017 and we’ve been settling in since. Our oldest just started school this week and I’m finally able to start getting into a routine after about a week of jetlag. I’m still adjusting to the time difference. The sun rises around 6:30am and sets at 4:30pm. I’m told in the summer months the sun rises around 4:30am and doesn’t set until 9pm. We'll be installing black out curtains in the Spring.

It’s been an exciting year, looking forward to another with my beautiful family!