#and i get frustrated with my comp too easily | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peaches-writes · 4 years

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photocopy

member: changbin wc: 1.2k genre: fluff, high school au, friends to lovers au, crackfic, ur family owns a comp shop warning: explicit language note: from this post + this reminds me of a corny ass joke + best read with the classmate song by hambog ng sapro krew song (do it filos)

“Changbin.” You approach your computer shop’s most loyal regular, plopping down on the surprisingly empty seat next to him and peering over the dividers of the desktop sets. “It’s almost 9 PM.”

“Five minutes.” He tells you for the fourth time since he came in earlier this afternoon, eyes never leaving the computer screen displaying his rather intense online game. Giving you a sideways glance after, he then adds, “Please?”

“You haven’t even eaten dinner yet,” You point out. “and you already owe me 7,000 won this month for covering your ass.”

You see him moving his headphone to the side so that one ear is uncovered. “That much already? I’ll pay you soon.”

“You said that yesterday,” You frown this time, scooting your chair closer to him so you can watch his gameplay. “and the day before that and the day before that...”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” He pouts at you, managing to defeat one of his bigger enemies in the game so he can turn to you with his best puppy eyes. “I have something to print and photocopy anyway so I’ll just pay you then.”

You then extend your hand out to him in response. “Give it to me.”

“The what?”

“The hard drive, fool.” You chuckle, grinning even more when he immediately shuffles around his school backpack for his hard drive. “You could’ve just asked me along with Jisung before he left an hour ago.”

“Ah, well it didn’t cross my mind until now.” He scratches his head, thanking you after when you receive the hard drive before standing up. “Just the one titled ‘PLEASE BE THE FINAL PAPER.’“

“You mean you it didn’t cross your mind until I had to remind you to pay up again.” You snicker at this and the name of his document, shaking your head in amusement. “How many copies?”

“Three, please!” He smiles up at you, even adding as much as a wink to which you simply scoff at. “Thanks, Y/N! You’re the best!”

“Just prepare your 7,300 won when I get back.” You remind him, turning around and going back to your station to print Changbin’s research paper. “Ah, this guy, seriously.”

In no time, you reach your station again, quickly transacting another leaving customer's payment before opening your station’s desktop and inserting the hard drive on the PC right under your table. Glancing at the clock on the side of the home screen as you open Changbin’s hard drive folder, you sigh at the time. “I still have our own paper to cram.” You grumble before opening the nearest printer and the photocopy machine right behind you, groaning in frustration at how you have to nag at your groupmates again once you’ve closed the shop in an hour. “God, let us graduate already, please.”

Putting your frustrations aside after, you proceed to mindlessly scroll through Changbin’s hard drive, snickering at all the old photos of him and his friends and the folders of old My Chemical Romance songs from Limewire as you try looking for the Word file named, ‘PLEASE BE THE FINAL PAPER,’ as he instructed you. “Why is it so hard to find?” You squint at your screen after a while, eventually resorting to scrolling down the Files Explorer browser slower until you see a folder named ‘SCHOOL STUFF’ and quickly open it.

What you don’t expect, besides all the Word and PDF files that were clearly from 3 years ago and the exact research paper file you’ve been looking for, is to see a Word document with your name on it. ‘FOR Y/N’ it says in seemingly aggressive-looking capital letters since it does have your name on it. Glancing up at Changbin from behind your desktop monitor, you catch your classmate cursing at someone on his game, clearly too distracted to even bother coming your way as you curiously open the Word file along with his requested paper, heat rising up to your cheeks in embarrassment that worsens when you do see what’s inside the file.

Because Changbin wrote you the cheesiest song ever, guitar chords and everything, with comments from Jisung and your senior Bang Chan in funky-looking Comic Sans every two song lines. What’s worse is that Hyunjin from your Art Club attached a photo collage of you at the end of the file, edited in a way that purposely screams he did it to tease Changbin.

“Oh my God.” You sink in your seat, hiding your face completely from Changbin’s view as you try your best stifling your laughs reading through the Word folder while setting up the printing information for his paper. “What the heck, Seo Changbin?!”

With a lot of struggle (and a lot of giggles whenever you’d see Changbin from the corners of your desktop monitor), you power through this newfound discovery and print Changbin’s research paper without attracting too much attention on yourself, busying yourself after with photocopying the 102-paged paper in order to not think too much about it.

Changbin likes me, you giggle to yourself as you arrange the photocopied papers neatly on the empty space of your station, catching a glimpse of the ‘FOR Y/N’ file still opened on your desktop monitor, this dork...with a song and everything. Aish!

When you finish organizing the printed and photocopied papers, you then make the impulsive decision of quickly editing the other Word file before ejecting the hard drive from your desktop, calling Changbin after. “Alright, Binnie, 5 minute’s up!”

Across the now empty computer shop, he finishes his game just in time, nodding at you before closing his desktop and scurrying over to you with a relief face. “You’re a life saver!” He exclaims as he approaches, slinging his backpack right in front of him as you then help him neatly arrange the thick folders of research paper copies for tomorrow’s defense. “It’s 7,300, right?”

You nod, biting down a smile which he easily misses as he then takes his wallet out of his backpack before zipping it to a close. “Yup, and here’s your hard drive.” You add, handing him back his hard drive with a chuckle.

“What?” He asks, referring to your laugh.

But you only shake your head, receiving his money and recording it on your family’s record book lying right next to your desktop. “Nothing! Now, shoo, I still have to close the shop!”

“So mean.” Changbin pouts, walking backwards anyway as you walk to the other side of your station to shoo him away playfully. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school, then!”

“Only if I can finish our paper revisions tonight.” You scrunch up your nose, successfully guiding Changbin out of your family’s computer shop. “Goodnight, Changbin!”

When Changbin arrives home two blocks away, he opens his own house’s desktop to message his groupmates, his friends, and play some more of the online game before going to bed. Inserting his hard drive in the PC next to the monitor, his eyes widen at as a sudden thought crosses his mind.

Shit, he curses himself as he hurriedly opens his folder for school, I definitely forgot that one file—

Opening the cursed Word file named ‘FOR Y/N,’ Changbin’s heart immediately drops to his stomach at seeing the note you’ve written at the end.

“Please never ask Hyunjin to edit my face on PicMonkey ever again!” You’ve typed out at the very end of his work-in-progress song in bold letters. “But I really like the song and I like you too! I’ll just pretend I didn’t see this when I hear it at the school festival! - Y/N!”

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rpbetter · 3 years

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Hey there, check out this pinned post first!

Thanks for visiting Roleplay Better, where I believe that you can fucking do better! That kind of language, however, is why it is important for you to read this post before proceeding.

This blog and its posts are meant for an adult RPing audience; be over legal, adult age in the USA, 18+. Do not interact by submitting, asking, reblogging, commenting, or liking unless you are over eighteen years of age. By interacting with RPB or me, Vespertine, you are assumed to be following this rule. If you are breaking this rule, you will be blocked.

I have that rule because this blog can/will/does address topics inappropriate for a younger audience. Those can include, but are not limited to:

not safe for work - violence, injury, sexual language, smut, substance use

“dark topics” and themes like violence, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, trauma, graphic injury, dubious consent, substance use, and so forth addressed realistically

foul, sexual, and otherwise “Adult” language

unpopular opinions and approaches about writing, RP, fandoms

“negativity” since literally anything can be, and my whole point here isn’t about holding back; it is likely that, at some point, in some post or another, a shoe will fit you-you need to be mature enough to handle that without taking it as a personal attack on you

images and links that may contain things inappropriate for a younger audience

this blog is founded upon the idea that fiction has reflections in reality, but that fiction does not utterly equate to reality. You should write with realism, your characters should be people in their own right, and you should absolutely be addressing many popular topics responsibly, which is to say realistically. I do not support or otherwise condone purity culture, so while realism is a big deal here, fiction = reality arguments are a no

seriously, you have no idea how fucking salty I am! I try to be fair, reasonable, and mellow with everyone, but it can and does come out.

This blog tags for common, major triggers, but it is not for those easily triggered or particularly sensitive. By proceeding, you take responsibility for yourself...like a mature adult. I expect you to utilize blacklist, unfollow, and block. Tag format is simple, it is literally just the word in most cases, with “cw” and “tw” added to particularly common things. Example, a post containing a breakdown of forms of dubcon will be tagged #dubcon #dubious consent. If that was specifically of a sexual nature, since tumblr is unfriendly to using Not Safe For Work now, I will be using #notsafe for sexual topics. In the event that this needs to change, it will be posted about, the previous tag left intact, so that you may update your blacklist.

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Don’t tumblr message me. Use the inbox or submit.

Due to recent events, I am changing this rule. It’s hard for me to receive messages unexpectedly, and I hate to imply that I’ll be able to get to these quicker because it isn’t the truth. Quicker, better responses come from the inbox. However, there have been too many incidents lately in which people needed to speak privately and had to make that a request. If you’re having a problem and need to vent, request sensitive advice, etc.? It’s alright, go ahead and drop me a PM, y’all. I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able. Please, do not be angry with me if I respond to inbox things or my queue is running! You’re important to me, I just might not have the requisite social cognition and energy you deserve at that time.

Aggressive inbox messages will be responded to in kind. I don’t care if you are on anon or not, if you haven’t an ounce of polite communication skills, I won’t have them either. This is not a “we don’t publish anon hate” blog.

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This is definitely not a place for:

people who think giving muses labels, including top/bottom “dynamics,” is a good substitute for character traits, personality, and development

those with no reading comprehension skills

folks dependent upon aesthetics and aesthetics-based purple prose as filler for actual writing

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politics, any manner of phobe or ism, violent/non-inclusive feminists, purity/rpc/fandom/content police of any manner, and exactly any manner of racism, sexism, or religious intolerance - I give not a shit if it’s popular to hate the straights, for example, I neither believe in nor tolerate reactionary classifying of any group as blanket-statement evil

people who are going to tack onto my posts shit like, “it’s okay, OP, you can say x character.” Trust me, if I were talking about one character, I fucking would name drop them, don’t bring me into your fandom drama, I doubt I know or want to know who that anime guy is who looks like 12 other anime guys to me.

About Vespertine

You can call me that, Vespertine. I’d rather you didn’t go with Vesper, but as it is unfortunately so likely to happen, I won’t feed you to the dogs over it either. RPB Mun is also acceptable.

I’m alright with either she/her or he/him, they/them is also fine. Apparently, that was big enough clue-in for the poor reading comp crowd, so while I feel it is not of importance, I’m nonbinary, yes.

Late 30′s, chronically ill but still working adult with neurodivergence. I’m both busy and Busy, and always sick. This limits my brain power and ability to be here. I have an active RP blog that I won’t be sharing to keep responsible distance. That is always going to be my priority, it is my primary hobby.

Please, don’t tumblr message me totally random things if we don’t have that kind of relationship! I’m too ill and busy, and it really fucks my nerves to have a bunch of messages/have to suddenly interact socially with people. Don’t do it. Use my inbox, use the submit, comment on posts. I cannot do random messages of “hey” and so forth.

I only do written RP, don’t expect me to understand much of anything from tabletop. I’ve RPed for the last 23 years consistently, on every platform from AOL chats to forums to messengers and here. I also don’t do RP in discord, so I’m sorry, but I can’t advise you much on anything with a word count, except to stop it for serious RP. Other than that, I promise you that I’ve seen the trends, the drama, the fandoms. I can give a lot of advice and perspective on a wide range of topics, situations, and characters! When I don’t have a clue at all, I’ll try to do enough research to give you an answer.

Do I come off as a horrible, strict asshole? I do! I’m not going to say that I am just a shy bean who is more scared of you than you are me. I’m not. I’m honestly feral, but have common decency, compassion, and sense. All of which are lacking in the general RPC. So, if you can inbox/common/otherwise interact with anyone else on this site, you can totally handle me!

Honesty and openness are policies.

And in the spirit of that, I repeat; you can fucking do better, tumblr RPC!

#pinned post #tumblr rpc #rph #rp help #rp advice #rpbetter

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astrologysvt · 4 years

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Chart First Impressions: Jihoon

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

This is just a very general reading of the member’s charts — the parts that popped out to me, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets and their signs. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!

ugh jihoon you stress me out

so here is the huge astrology debate on whether or not cusps actually exist. can we technically be both signs?

i feel like recently the consensus seems to be that no, cusps definitely do not exist.

yet at the same time, you pick up any astrology text and often times they’ll include cusps in some what shape or form.

the way i do readings i really only take a cusp into account if 1) i don’t know the birth time or 2) it’s relevant to that specific reading.

even then, i don’t particularly view them as “cusps” more as just acknowledging that either or could be an option.

to me, even if you are born just a minute before the sun enters another sign, your natal chart will tell you the one definitive sun sign you were born under.

if you relate to traits of the sign you’re technically a cusp of, there is more than likely other, more specific influences in your chart that you can attribute that to.

not only that, but many people believe that the influences of the sign are the strongest towards the cusp. for that reason, if i know the birth time, i really don’t give them much thought.

so that’s my stance, generally.

but we dooon’t knooooow woozi’s birth time which makes things much more complicated.

we’re also dealing with two signs (sag/scorpio) that can kind of present themselves very similarly???

they’re both very straight forward people, sag for the sake of simplicity and honesty and scorpio for the sake of brevity and impact.

they’re both very take it or leave it signs as scorpios simply wont tolerate what they don’t like, and sagittarians are very quick to move on from unwanted situations as they’re good at redirecting their attention.

so this kind of muddles how i would categorize what i’d say are jihoon’s identifying personality traits for being this very candid, decisive guy.

not only that, but he’s got a lot of fire in his chart to begin with that makes it hard to discern whether it’s his sun that’s contributing to those energies or not.

the sun went into sag at 9:50 am on his birthday exactly so now we just gotta sit and wait and hope that someone asks him what time he was born and he somehow knows.

i really go between the two, but I feel like recently i’m leaning more towards thinking he’s a scorpio.

he’s certainly a fiery guy and I see that in his humor, creativity, and how active he is.

his sag mercury can make someone very antsy like gemini placements can, and his aries moon is constantly looking for new ways to release all that pent up aries energy.

so it could be those energies that i’m reading that could be mistaken as being a sagittarius sun.

it’s also hard because he’s said before that he likes his job as an idol because he gets to do a bunch of different things from composition, singing, dancing etc. etc.

having a sag in mercury could still make this true if he were a scorpio, especially since mercury would directly correlate this energy with his hobbies/interests.

with that being said, that sentiment in and of itself is a huge sag sun identifier.

but if we look at him as though he’s a sag, i hit three walls that really prevent me from believing it fully:

1) with a sag sun, aries moon, sag mercury -- that’d make him a super impulsive and hot-headed dude. his ability to to get distracted would be unmatched and these placements in particular are infamous for starting projects out of passion and then dropping them the moment they get bored.

not to say that this is the one definitive trait all sagittarians must have and if you don’t have it ur kicked out of the sagittarius club, but it just doesn’t sound like him.

sagittarians can easily get caught up in these big projects and surely enjoy them as they are out of passion, but the moment you introduce a sense of responsibility/work/obligation, it takes away that bit of passion that allowed them to work so diligently without thought.

it makes them overly aware of the energy they’re exerting and the freedom they’re compromising on, and without a lot of time and growth, a lot of young sags may deem it not worth it. again, the situation wouldn’t be helped with an aries moon either.

because of that his energies read too stubborn and enduring to match what i would typically associate with his chart.

i know a lot of really successful sagittarians, but their journey to success wasn’t nearly as steady and unrelenting as the path jihoon has taken with seventeen where it’s been work, work, work, work.

not only that, but he really doesn’t have a whole lot of aspects that may contradict this flightiness.

his saturn IS well aspected, but keep in mind his saturn is in aries which could add a sense of difficulty in asserting himself in a path his sag sun and aries moon may have felt restricted by.

with this placement you are pairing this super high-initiative, go-getting sign with a planet that’s incredibly cautious and calculated so they doubt themselves a lot and generally feel pretty inhibited.

it certainly bodes well for success in the long run as they learn to balance these energies and let their confidence and competence stand for themselves, but him having been so young at the start of his career it doesn’t 100% add up for me.

the only other aspect that may counteract this is his virgo mars that has a very similar antsy energy but directs it in the complete opposite direction his sag sun/aries moon naturally leans towards.

he’d want to take all of his fidgety energies and put it into his work and this could certainly make him a workaholic, but that wouldn’t particularly nullify the fact his sag sun may want still to apply that to a bunch of different things without restriction.

it’s certainly possible that he’s a sag sun and still achieved these things, i just think he’d struggle a lot more in his position in his career if not for a (supposed) scorpio sun.

without a scorpio sun i think he would have gotten too antsy and too unhappy in a career that is as all-consuming as the one he’s in, and his aries saturn would have more than likely gotten a lot more trigger happy at some point and would have taken his sag sun/aries moon cue to dip when it felt the most overwhelming.

whereas a scorpio would feel comfortable and would even thrive in these circumstances.

2) he’s too shy. his personal planets, as they are (except maybe that virgo mars), don’t just have extravert tendencies, they’re KNOWN for being extraverts.

life of the party guys who NEED attention and communication.

again, i think jihoon is much more outgoing than his image connotes, but he’s certainly not what i’d associate with a sag sun, aries moon, sag mercury, libra venus.

like if i think about those signs and jihoon i laugh a little. if his sun his definitely in sag then my god his houses must really offset his other placements.

but this is what leads me to believe that there’s a wall/blockage preventing these energies from manifesting how i’d expect in a sag sun.

a scorpio sun would make him more reserved, more secretive, more calculating while maintaining those talkative and energetic woozi-energies.

3) sag suns are open-books. again, i think there is an aspect of woozi that is very straightforward but that is certainly something that would come through with a scorpio sun.

Sag suns are known for being those sincere, tell it how it is guys. you trust them because they’re so optimistic and open, and not to say that woozi isn’t, but there is a reason people are slow to get close to him. a scorpio sun would make him more calculated with who he lets in.

not only that but in my experience with scorpios, people tend to have a lot of pre perceptions about of them REGARDLESS of how candid and honest of people they actually are once you get to know them.

it’s a common scorpio experience to learn after the fact that the person you just became friends thought you were gonna be totally different even though, in all actuality, you’ve been nothing but nice and open with them from the start.

it’s because of this scorpio veil there is that brings this sense of control they have over their image, and this command over themselves and people. it’s their desire to appear a certain way so people can’t mistake them as being vulnerable or gullible.

you also tend to get the impression that they’ve got an agenda because they are so purposeful.

on top of that, you don’t really doubt with scorpios that they have depths and layers to them from the moment you meet them, where as other people may instantly feel easy, simple, potentially superficial (sagittarians can certainly appear this way).

for scorpios this depth can add this doubt in your own judgement of how you see them because it’s so hard to gauge what’s going on underneath EVEN THO THERE MAY NOT BE ANYTHING GOING ON.

this is something scorpios tend to get very frustrated with as people tend to doubt their intentions.

with that being said scorpios are so straightforward people that, even with these vibes, developed scorpios are incredibly trustworthy, thoughtful, and attentive people so there isn’t any actual concern to be had.

But really scorpios are the type of people who give an impression of fluidity and depth and this is what makes them so magnetic.

i feel like a lot of woozi’s fans love him because he is that tsundere character and that concept of being someone super dynamic/complex underneath the image they project is inherently a scorpio trait.

i could go on for hours. i def think that woozi is far too clingy to be a sag and far too emotionally intuitive NOT to be a scorpio.

also, sagittarius are known for loving travel???? he literally doesn’t even leave his house????

for me it really comes down to whether or not im reading more of a fixed, or mutable energy. right now i’m feeling more fixed.

he’s a steadfast guy and his persistence speaks more for him than any one of his single actions.

he can do anything and he projects such a strong sense of purpose and integrity of character that you’d simply trust his track record and habits before you trusted a random act.

not to say that sag’s don’t have a integrity of character, but if they do something random their blunt and sincere actions would lend you to think, “oh, they’re just doing this now” as opposed to thinking that action was just an outlier.

and honestly he just reeks of the “don’t even try and test me” energy that a mutable sign wouldn’t be so privy to.

i’m almost super convinced but i also totally reserve the right to change my mind lmfao

mainly because his ascendant and houses could attribute to his not-so-sag qualities if he WERE still a sag sun.

i don’t particularly like trying to “decide” what his sun sign is, even though i so desperately want to figure it out (if that wasn’t obviously enough).

mainly because it goes against how i prefer to do readings, in that the person comes first and the chart is secondary. if i’m trying to figure out a sun sign, i have to work solely off of stereotypes of the signs when we’re obviously more complex than that.

trying to figure out sun signs is always going to be contradictory because astrology is allowed to be contradictory because we are contradictory.

ugh it hurts my brain sometimes.

with that being said, let’s actually look at his chart as it is REGARDLESS of his sun.

libra venus is adorable.

he’s a romantic guy.

his chart is very intense and straightforward in literally EVERYTHING except for love and affection.

he’s gentle in how he expresses his appreciation, and very traditional in how he’d approach romance.

this is what softens what i’d consider one of the most extreme and fierce charts in seventeen.

he loves gaining approval from the people he cares about and loves simply being around loved ones as they joke around as he sits back and watches.

feeling that sense of harmony really feeds him, which is why you see him in the background just laughing and enjoying himself.

virgo mars furthers this people-pleasing aspect of his. normally he’d really and sincerely comes across as a “take it or leave it” kind of guy, but when it comes to his loved ones he wants to make things work.

at the same time this is the aspect, kind of paradoxically, that makes him pretty picky and hyper critical.

the moments you see woozi truly angry are when people try and get him to do things he doesn’t want to do, do things differently from how he wants them done, or simply offends him and his preferences.

as i mentioned briefly before this also makes him the perfectionist/workaholic he is.

not only is he persistent in his work, but he genuinely feels listless unless he’s actively working on something.

for him, work heals him which he why he’s able to blur the lines between work and art and still enjoy it.

there’s really so much to unpack with jihoon, i have to stop here because this is getting too long and once i start talking about everything else i wont be able to stop and i’ll end up with a novel.

but my god.

if i ever manage to get my hands on his birth time.

bro.

it’s over.

#seventeen #svt #lee jihoon #woozi #ugh #i think i made a strong case but i promise you there are always going to be holes #i wanted to address the sag/scorpio dilemma here so i wouldn't have to do it again #lmao until i change my mind at least

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whiskeyworen · 4 years

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Tenna and the Mystery Potion

“Wait a minute....” Tenna paused, still tasting the odd flavor of the liquid she’d poured into her chalice. “This definitely isn’t the wine I ordered.” Rolling the odd, spicy taste around in her mouth, she picked up the bottle and examined it. What she’d thought was a label for her favorite wine was instead some elaborate note written in a language she couldn’t read. What the Sprocket? I know how to read all the major languages and this isn’t any of them! Just what had she drunk? She’d ordered her wine as an after-dinner drink; a palate-cleanser before she headed out. It was one of the reasons she loved eating at this restaurant. So why had she been given...this?

When she quizzed the maitre d’, he’d expressed confusion and embarassment; it was NOT one of their collection, and he had no idea how it made it to her table. After begging her not to abandon their establishment (she wouldn’t have anyway; her meal was delicious, even if the drink was unusual), he comped her meal for her. On her way out, she left a small stack of gold on the table anyway; it was just the way she was. But just as she was leaving, Tenna was struck with a momentary wave of dizziness. Was it the drink? Before she could parse it any further, she heard it. In the distance, echoing over the city... Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓

“Wha....what the heck was that?” She asked herself. She looked around, wondering if anyone else had heard the same thing. No one passing her in the street had reacted to the echoing, rumbling Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓. “Uh... Aspect? Did you pick up anything... strange... near LA in the last few minutes?” Tenna asked, pulling out her comm. “Audio, physical or anything?”

“Negative, Tenna.” Aspect called back from the ship. “No audio disruption beyond the norm detected. There is however, a mild fluctuation in ley fields. I cannot account for it, but I presume it to be natural.” “Where... uh where about would that fluctuation be?” She asked unsurely, casting a glance at the harbor. “Just asking. I might go get some closer readings if it’s nearby?” Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ She twitched at the rumble. Oh yeah. It definitely came from the harbor area. Whatever it was, it sounded as big as a Dragon Champion. Like Tequatl or one of the Shatterers. Her unease grew when Aspect replied, completely oblivious to the echoing Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓. “The fluctuation is in the mouth of the bay, near the lighthouse. Shall I dispatch Jagad to pick you up?” Jagad was the name of her Axejaw skyscale. “Yeah...and if you could send Ceto to the lighthouse, I’d appreciate it. Jagad is great, but I don’t want to keep him over the bay. We might end up taking a bath.” Ceto was her “They are on their way. Let me know if you need anything else, Tenna.” Aspect replied, before disconnecting. It would only be a few minutes before Jagad arrived. She’d use that time to try to get her racing heart under control.

It didn’t take long. For anything. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ Tenna shuddered as Jagad flew her over the bay. The fog was thick this evening, so she couldn’t really see much but... No... there was definitely something in the bay. “Jagad... Do you see that?” She asked her mount. The Axejaw just glanced back at her, puzzled, for a moment before looking forward again. Just by the way he’d set his head and neck, the relaxed way he moved, she could tell he didn’t see what she was seeing. Or he did, but he was entirely used to it, and it was just that she was finally seeing it. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ “T-take me down near the lighthouse. I can see Ceto down there.” She pointed with a shaky finger. “You wait nearby, okay? I...I think I’m gonna need you pretty soon.” The skyscale made a dismissive grunt noise, and wheeled down to the rocks below. There, Tenna hopped onto Ceto’s saddle, and steered the Skimmer out into the bay.... towards... It. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓

Much to her surprise, or lack there of it, she was not the only one there. Tenna wondered how many of the people gathered in the bay, in boats and on skimmers, had been given a mysterious potion today. It didn’t matter though. Nothing mattered except the mystery before her. It was bigger than a galleon. Twice as big, in fact. Treading water slowly in the bay, completely at peace and relaxed. As it bobbed in the waves, she felt its gaze passing over everyone in front of it, and with it, a thrill of terror and pleasure. Smoky grey with faint striping, it was, in truth... an enormous cat. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ She expected the meow to be deafening at this range, but it was muted. It was more like an ambient noise, leaking through all of reality itself, almost without direction. What WAS this thing? That’s when it bobbed a bit higher in the water, and she caught sight of something. Even as the enormous household cat bobbed, a smile seeming to form on its face, Tenna reeled back, pulling herself and Ceto away, heading for the cliffs where Jagad sat and preened his scales. She pulled her comm out and called Aspect urgently. “Aspect. I’m leaving my comm open for the next few hours. I need to go, but I want to be monitored. Is there any other disturbances like this one that your sensors can feel?” “Acknowledged, Tenna. I’ll keep the channel open. I’m counting five more ley fluctuations that match this one’s scale. They are nowhere near danger levels, but they are somewhat noticable if you you know what to look for.” “Where’s the nearest one?” Tenna leapt onto Jagad’s saddle, while signalling Ceto to go back ‘home’. “Divinity’s Reach. Somewhere near the Dwayna plaza. I cannot tell precisely though. Will you be able to find it?” The asura glanced back at the giant cat swimming in the bay, and nodded to herself. “Oh... I think I’ll find it fairly easily.”

Ducking through the Lion’s Arch gate to the Reach on a skyscale was reckless, but simple for Tenna. Hopping off, she let him roost on a rooftop while she looked around. It did not take long. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ There, looming over the protective barrier wall outside the Western Commons... was another cat. This one she couldn’t even imagine how big it was. How high was the city wall? There were entire miniature towns lining the top of the wall, micro-cities of noble housing stuck like mushrooms onto the sides rising into the sky. And this cat towered above it. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ From the way it was leaning, Tenna guessed that it was standing on the ground outside, with its front paws on the wall itself. And yet, no one was freaking out. She called Jagad down and flew him over for a closer look. Once again, the giant cat looked around and over her, and just being in its presence, she felt that thrill again. Now she recognized it; it was the feeling of fondness when a family pet sat on your lap. That happy sensation. And there, on this big tomcat was... Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ She reeled Jagad back, heading for the asura gate. It was quicker and cheaper to use the gate than to pay the fee to use the Waypoints to get where she was going....

“Tenna, just what are you encountering?” Cyrus asked over the comm. Apparently Aspect had notified him of what was going on. Of her odd behaviour. “Cyrus, I don’t know if you’re gonna believe me.” She said slowly, staring at the sad-faced, stub-tailed tabby floating beside the College of Dynamics. The giant cat that was floating there, treading air like it should be treading water, and looking entirely comfortable there. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ “...I’m seeing giant cats, Cyrus. Giant, very real cats. I think there’s one in each capital.” Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ “....and I’m hearing them no matter where I go. When they meow, it’s like the world flexes a little.” She paused, and sighed. “I’m butchering this explanation.” There was silence from the other end of the comm. When Cyrus came back, he was a bit more serious, which surprised her. He should have been laughing, or at least sighing in frustration. “Tenna, we are reading disturbances at each spot you’ve gone to, where you’ve seen a ‘giant cat’. It’s possible that...well...maybe they are real? But for some reason you can see them where the rest of us can’t.” “I was given a weird potion instead of wine by accident at dinner tonight.” She pointed out. “If it affects vision and causes hallucinations... I don’t feel messed up or anything.” “What if it wasn’t meant to be hallucinatory, but the opposite?” Cyrus pointed out. “What if... run with me here... what if you’re seeing some aspect of reality that’s just denied to the rest of us?” “....I’m gonna head to the Black Citadel.” She replied flatly. A few minutes later, she was walking out of the gate in Charr lands.

“It’s here too.” She called back tiredly. The stress of all of this was getting to her. Even though she could see that some few people could see the same thing she was looking at... no one was talking about it at all. They just... stared at it, and murmured. It didn’t help that this one was wearing a witch’s hat for some reason. “...if I see one in Hoelbrak, Cyrus, I’m coming back to the ship, and I’m gonna lock myself in my room for a while.”

“My ears be damned.... There’s one here too.” She sighed. She stared at the proud, orange tabby. It lorded over Hoelbrak with a confidence that was kind of adorable when one thought of it in terms of a housecat, and not a Dragon-sized cat. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ Around it’s neck was.... “That’s it. I’m coming home and going to bed. I’ve had enough.”

Back on the Forsaken Aspect, Tenna brushed off everyone’s questions, and headed for her quarters. She locked the door, turned off Aspect’s comm connection in her room, and went to flop into bed. Before she did though, she paused, picked up a dataslate, and quickly entered a few notes into it. Satisfied she’d written enough, she tossed it onto a pile of papers, and flopped onto the bed, pulling a pillow over her head in a vain attempt to block out the inevitable echoing... Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓ Of all the things she’d noticed while gaping at those giant cats, there were a few things that bothered her. Really bothered her. She’d recorded her questions on the slate, which still glowed from the pile of papers she’d discarded it on. Question 1: Why are they housecats? Every single one, without fail, even the one with the witch hat, was a domesticated animal. No wild lynx. No tiger. Nothing like that. Just...housecats. Question 2: Where are they from? Were they, as Cyrus tenatively suggested, part of some level of reality completely unknown? Some side dimension that lived alongside the regular? It wouldn’t be so surprising, given the Mists and the vagaries thereof. They lived in a world of magic, phantoms, demons, dragons and gods. Who knew how deep the layer cake of the world could slice? and finally, the question that had bothered her the most. Question 3: WHO collared them and NAMED them? Each cat had been collared. The one in Rata Sum had a bauble bangle. Others just had simple leather collars. The first one, in Lion’s Arch? It had a tag that, after showing Cyrus the letters she’d seen, he’d declared with some surprise that it read ‘BURGER’ in a language he was familiar with. As big as these cats were... someone had collared and named them. Someone much bigger than them. Ḿ̵̺̟̳͎͙̣̠̋́̈́̅͂̎͜͝È̴̦̞̕O̵̻̲̬̱̙̿̏̚͝W̶̫̝̳̼͋̏͆͘.̷̧̖͓͗̽.̴̡̰̗̪͖́̋͒̉͘.̸̳̖̉̀̀͑̌͑̓

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jereviendrai · 4 years

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||| ooc; does every character on this blog have bpd symptoms? is this problematic, considering they’re all villains or would-be villains? is there a way to give a villain a mental health disorder without stigmatizing the disorder? well--

OH AND BIG TRIGGER WARNING FOR A WIDE RANGE OF MENTAL HEALTH TOPICS SUCH AS: eating disorders, mental illness, stigmatization of mental illness, self harm, suicidal tendencies, and a fuckload more. I don’t go into detail. There are just mentions. I’m not gonna say a bunch of graphic shit, I promise! If I went into graphic detail, this would turn into a PhD thesis proposal, and that’d be WAY too long to be worth writing. Also I have BPD, but I’m not going to pretend that I’m an expert on the subject. I’m not. My word is not law, but it’d be nice if my word was taken into consideration.

this post got so fucking long and disorganized jesus christ

The answers are: yes, not inherently, and absolutely.

I want to get into the mental health of all three characters in a second, but I think it’s important to talk a little about the other two points first. That said, though -- yes, they’re all borderline. All three of them! And they all experience it differently! I will come back to that. Anyway--

I feel like it’s important to talk about villains, mental illness and stigma. There’s a really common (and insanely lazy) tendency for writers to explain a villain’s villainy by simply saying, “oh, well they’re a psychopath,” or, “they’re just crazy.” This is not only lazy and offensive, but it contributes to an unfair stigma against the mentally ill.

Mental illness might, say, compel someone to steal a chocolate bar or snap at someone out of anger. It might make a person’s emotions volatile. It might make someone unreasonable. They might suffer delusions of abandonment, of some plot against them, of people’s secret intent to humiliate them, etc. They might suffer and handle their suffering poorly. They may cause harm. But that doesn’t make them... evil. It makes them complex. And how they react to and handle their negative actions says more about them than any diagnosis could.

When you have a villain with a mental illness, you need to examine how the illness is hurting them. Write about how it hinders their progress. Write about how isolating it can be for them. Write about the impact and struggle. Not how the illness makes them so evil or so irredeemably awful. The illness should be what humanizes them and helps to make them relatable. No matter how untouchable and powerful your villain is, they have some personal struggle that is independent of their villainy. When done correctly, it can go a long way in fleshing out your villain and adding interesting inner conflict!

I know, I know. You might be asking, “yeah, but don’t people with mental health issues sometimes cause harm directly related to their symptoms?” To which I say: yeah, duh, of course. Just like a depressed person might say something mean when they’re having a bad day. Just like someone with ADHD might make someone feel like they aren’t being listened to. Just like someone who has social anxiety might make a friend feel unloved. Just like mentally healthy people also occasionally cause harm.

I’m not saying mental health issues don’t cause problems and maladaptive behaviors. I’m just saying it doesn’t... make someone inherently bad -- real or fictional. And I need people to internalize that.

ANYWAY ON TO THE CHARACTERS AND THEIR BPD

(i know, you’re probably like, “dude oh my god shut up and get on with it” sakjlfdkjsa)

I’m going to be referring to the four subtypes. I know these are controversial to some people. Some really don’t like these labels, others feel comforted by them, etc. They’re just to make it easier to talk about this whole thing. No one fits neatly into any one subtype! Some people don’t resemble any particular one! Everyone is different! Don’t box people into these subtypes if you haven’t been given consent, thanks!

Mr. A / Clark Donovan Mr. A is a classic example of the Quiet Borderline. Someone with quiet BPD mostly directs their symptoms inward. It’s harder to detect than other types, as the symptoms that are most prevalent are mostly expressed, well, inwardly. Self-esteem issues, self-blame, insecurity, withdrawing emotionally, pretending you’re not angry when you are, self harming tendencies, suicidal thoughts, etc. He’s also kind of clingy. Mr. A is an extremely loyal person to a fault. He is a people pleaser and will go to the ends of the Earth to make his loved ones happy, even if it hurts him. This is of detriment to him, as he often finds himself getting hurt on behalf of people who might not care as much as he does. He’s let a lot of bad people into his life solely because they made him feel loved, wanted and useful. He views everyone he loves through rose-tinted glasses and only takes them off long after he’s been laid to waste by them. He has terrible issues with self-image and has thus developed an eating disorder. He also has severe depersonalization/derealization disorder, which is a result of how his mental health interacts with his reality-warping powers. It creates a lot of anxiety with him, watching himself phase through things and bend the world around him on a whim. His motivations in life are connected to this, but his motivation to do evil things is not. He wants to bring other superpowered people together as a united front against humanity, as he feels that humanity is a threat to their continued existence. This has nothing to do with his mental health issues. The part of it that does tie in is that he’s painfully lonely and has chronic feelings of boredom, so being surrounded with a shit ton of different people mitigates that. It’s a motive for him bringing people closer to him, but it is not a motive for him to launch an attack on all humanity. He’d be really offended if you tried to accuse him of doing this on the basis that he’s just a bit ill. His illness literally just makes him crave contact with other living beings just like him. He sometimes does bad or stupid things because of this, but it literally has nothing to do with his motives as a villain. As an addendum of sorts, Mr. A’s alias and reluctance to use his given name (Clark Donovan) are a result of identity issues he suffers due to his BPD. He finds it hard to maintain a stable sense of identity, so he just... doesn’t.

Ivan Chanteur Ivan closely resembles what we like to call an Impulsive Borderline, comorbid with ADHD. He is an impulsive person, as the name of the subtype suggests. He’s a thrill-seeker who suffers from extreme levels of chronic boredom, which he desperately tries to combat by any means necessary. Staying still and doing repetitive tasks is literal torture for him. If he cannot get up and move and do whatever it takes to keep himself feeling fulfilled and occupied, he is probably going to fucking lose it. When he is actively vocalizing his boredom on a regular basis, this means the chronic feelings of boredom have reached critical mass. It’s not just boredom. It’s anxiety, it’s agitation, it’s existential dread, it’s an inability to focus, it’s pent-up energy that needs to go somewhere and can’t just stay in him anymore. If he can’t get it out in healthy ways, he usually resorts to self-harm or less-than-healthy pursuits. He’s been known to dabble in drugs, self-harm, occasional promiscuity on a bad night. While therapy’s helped him get a handle on it, there’ve been a lot of stressful and traumatic things going on in his life have have made it a lot harder to keep himself in check. Ivan is pretty charismatic, able to cast a wide net and catch all sorts of people in his social web. He has a sort of natural magnetism that, on a superficial level, should make him quite popular. But underneath it all, he has difficulty trusting people long enough to actually let them into his life. He’ll act like an open book, only to slam himself shut and reshelve himself before anyone can get anywhere near the end. He’s easy to befriend, but difficult to get close to. This has caused him to feel lonely and frustrated. He wishes he could easily form deep connections, but it’s hard and it hurts him. In addition to all of this, he engages in a wide variety of attention-seeking and risk-taking behaviors. He often spends time with people who are not good to him, simply for the thrill of it. This has often gotten him hurt, but he finds it hard to cut this habit in spite of everything. This leads to a lot of frustration and self-hatred, as it makes it hard for him to protect himself. Every time someone hurts or betrays him, he beats himself up over it and tells himself he should know better by now. All that said, though, he’s come a long way in therapy. He’s not quite able to keep a handle on all of it all the time, but he’s managed to secure one or two decently stable friendships along the way.

Eve Laurier Eve is particularly difficult to talk about, but I’m going to try my best. Eve is what happens when you make a conscious decision to be bad. He knows beyond a shadow of doubt that what he’s doing is wrong, but he feels so wronged by the world that he just cannot seem to motivate himself to care. This... again... has nothing to do with his BPD. If anything, it’s his struggles with this disorder that keep him at least somewhat... grounded in reality. Eve suffered a personal tragedy -- the loss of his twin sister in a housefire. Though ruled an accident, he cried foul play. Consumed with grief at the loss of the only person he felt could truly understand him, he vowed to find the culprit and make them pay. This set him down a path of vengeance that would make John Wick blush. Eve grew up as the heir to his family’s criminal enterprise. This put him in a position of power the very moment he was born. This also left him exposed to a lot of terrible, violent crimes from a very young age. Because this was normalized by his family, he internalized and compartmentalized any misgivings he had about violence. By the time he was ready for university, he had been thoroughly trained to carry out hitjobs on behalf of the family. He was a weapon from the moment he left the womb. He was groomed to do terrible things, and it’s because of this ongoing and continuous trauma that he developed his particular cocktail of mental health issues. He mostly fits in with the label of Petulant BPD. Repeated and violent trauma did a number on him, leaving him angry and hurt over what his parents let him fall victim to. He also experiences feelings of self-loathing over the part he feels he played in his own trauma, despite the fact that it started in early childhood. He is self-defeating and self-blaming. He has a difficult time expressing his feelings and has angry outbursts fairly regularly, often resulting in self-harm and suicidal ideation. He’s been known to reach for the nearest mind-altering substance just to get out of his head for a bit. His mood swings are intense and leave him feeling fatigued and anxious. He has severe social anxiety that sometimes manifests as cold indifference. He also has issues with control, has paranoid delusions about the people in his life and doesn’t often believe it when people say that they care for him. He will find any and every piece of evidence that points to the contrary, even if he has to make it up himself. This usually ensures that he’ll end up alone again. He doesn’t have very many close relationships, if any at all. His BPD is not the reason he hurts people. Any hurt caused by his BPD is directed at himself, not at others. His BPD is a direct result of what actually has primed him to hurt people. It’s a direct result of trauma. He’s traumatized. And no, trauma is no excuse for what he’s done -- but his BPD didn’t make him kidnap and torture Ivan while he waited for Ivan’s parents to send in the ransom. That was all Eve. That was his conscious decision to make, in spite of everything in his head telling him how awful and wrong he would be to do such a thing. He knew it was wrong and ignored it, as he was under the impression that Ivan’s family had a hand in his sister’s death. If anything, his BPD aggravates his feelings of shame and self-loathing when he does precisely what his parents had been training him to do his whole life.

Anyway-- I hope this was helpful or at least interesting.

The point I’m trying to make here is that mental illness isn’t some kind of ultimate litmus test of good and evil. A disorder doesn’t make you good or bad. It’s just another facet of who you are.

So... to that end... please for the love of fuck stop using personality disorders as the reason for someone’s villainy. Please. I am begging.

I wrote a bunch of BPD villains in various stages of villainhood because I have BPD and this disorder often makes you feel like you’re evil, a monster, etc. Honestly, on good days I feel like an inherently bad person who consciously chooses to do good. That’s very flawed and I know that logically I’m not inherently bad, but that’s kind of what stigma does. It makes you feel like you’re inherently bad. And that feeling influenced how I write all three of these characters.

This is an incoherent mess but today’s the day I find out if I have coronavirus and I’m so fucking stressed out and hopped up on DayQuil. Thanks for reading any of this, I guess?

#||| ooc;#||| canon; ivan chanteur #||| canon; mr. a #||| canon; eve laurier #||| canon;#PLEASE READ THIS I SPENT SO MUCH TIME #I LITERALLY SPENT HOURS ON THIS FOR NO REASON AKLJFJSAJDLKSKJDKSL #i'm listening to 'the spider' by weezer and it's a fucking mood right now #fucking christ ok tumblr lags so goddamn much when i open this in my drafts so i need to post this now #also yeah i guess this is me telling the world i have a personality disorder hi surprise i'm Messy and Traumatized who knew haha

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cblikeslainey · 4 years

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Iris

Read on AO3

Lainey’s fingers strummed idly at her guitar. She didn’t feel much like playing at the moment, but she’d already caught up on all of her grading, and she didn’t feel like going home to an empty house. Especially when her stupid boyfriend was still in town. She strummed harder, frustrated. At least she could count on music as a release. Lainey turned up the volume on her amp. Music was always there for her, unlike the people in her life.

She didn’t notice CB enter for quite some time.

“Shit!” She exclaimed, startled. “I didn’t think anyone was still here!”

“I had Model UN, and then I had to grade my Literature and Comp papers,” CB explained.

He practically lived there.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” His voice was gentle.

CB was good at the whole dealing with emotions thing. Lainey, however, preferred to bottle hers.

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” Lainey deflected, as usual.

CB raised an eyebrow at her.

“Fine,” she sighed. He could see straight through her. Not that she was doing a particularly good job of hiding her emotions at the moment.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Over drinks?” she offered.

“Deal. I’ll drive”

Normally, Lainey might have protested, but after everything that had happened this week she wanted to get obscenely drunk, and if CB was going to enable that, who was she to tell him no?

Lainey refused to talk before having a drink. It was all too frustrating to deal with without alcohol.

It was relatively early, so the bar wasn’t too crowded. Lainey found them a couple of seats at the bar. The tables were too far away to order as much as she wanted to.

“I’ll have a Shirley Temple,” CB ordered. “And I’ll buy whatever she’s drinking,” he told the bartender, gesturing to Lainey.

“Oh, no, you’re drinking tonight,” Lainey commanded.

“Who’s going to drive us home?”

Lainey reconsidered.

“We’ll call a cab,” she decided. She sent him a pleading look before turning back to the bartender. “He’ll have... a tequila sunrise, and a double shot of Johnnie Walker for me... And I can cover my own tab!”

CB sipped on his fruity drink while Lainey slammed back her hard liquor. He didn’t know how she did it. Years of practice, he supposed.

“Now do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“Barry and I have been fighting.

CB hated the part of himself that rejoiced at her words. Not trusting himself to comment, he waited for her to continue.

“It all started when Barry missed the recital on Wednesday...”

Barry had decided to work late and changed his flight. He neglected to tell Lainey. It broke her heart when she didn’t see him out in the crowd.

Barry did eventually make it to Philadelphia... at nearly one in the morning. He let himself into Lainey’s house using a spare key she’d entrusted him with and loudly announced his arrival.

“Laaaaaiiinnnneeeyyy, I’m home.”

It took her a moment to gather herself up, climb out of bed, and make her way to him. She was dressed in her Hello Kitty pajamas, her hair disheveled from sleep. She called out to him from halfway down the stair case.

“Barry, y'know I hate surprises.” Her sleep slurred words betrayed her annoyance. “What time’s it?”

“Nearly One A.M.” He chirped back at her.

“I have school tomorrow,” she whined. “The couch is made up. We’ll talk when I get home from work.”

She turned and stumbled back up the stairs before he could get in another word.

Barry was still asleep when Lainey got up for work in the morning. She found that he’d made her heart shaped pancakes and left them in the fridge. The note read, “For my Lainey love, xoxo Care-Bear”. She left them where they were.

“Why didn’t you eat my love pancakes?” Barry bore down on her when she came home. He could be just like his mother sometimes.

“Wasn’t hungry.” Lainey lied.

“You weren’t hungry for my love?” Barry laid on the guilt trip. It wasn’t working as he’d hoped.

“You sound just like Beverly. What are you going to say next? You've failed as a boyfriend?” It was a low blow and Lainey knew it.

“Hey!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just...” Lainey swallowed hard. “You really hurt my feelings when you missed the student piano recital.”

“I had to work, and there’s a spring recital every year,” Barry protested. “My job is very important. I’m a doctor.”

“That’s not the point, and you know it.” Lainey’s frustration was growing. “Those kids busted their asses and I was really proud of them. It was an important moment for me as a teacher. Every student’s success is a big moment to the teacher who helped them get there. Besides, my job is important, too, and I always make time for you.”

“You get to rock out all day. It’s not the same as doctor work,” Barry condescended, drawing the words out as if she were an idiot.

“You wouldn’t be a doctor without your teachers,” Lainey countered.

“You wouldn’t be alive without your doctor,” Barry retorted. It was an ill-matched response, but still one Lainey had a hard time arguing with.

“If you really can’t see how important my job is to me, then maybe we’re not right for each other after all!” She yelled, completely frustrated, and at a loss for anything else to say.

Lainey’s eyes stung with tears.

“Don’t even say that!” Barry roared back at her. “Ugh, I need to go nunchuck.”

He ran off flailing his arms behind him.

Lainey knew Barry would never hurt her. Hell, he couldn’t if he wanted to, but an angrily nunchucking boyfriend in her house made her uneasy all the same. And she was still upset with him for missing the recital, for shitting on everything that was important to her, for not talking things out with her like a rational adult...

“...so I told him that if he was going to act like this, he could stay with his mother, and he could come back when he was ready to communicate like an adult.”

“Damn.” CB let a beat pass. “Another round,” he called to the bartender. “This time two double Johnnie Walkers.”

It wasn’t lost on CB how much it hurt Lainey that Barry didn’t understand their profession. Teaching had become everything to Lainey. It had helped her as much as she’d helped her students, and she was in a much better place for it. What they did made a difference, CB understood that better than anyone. That’s why it was his favorite job in the whole world.

Still, CB couldn’t imagine putting any job before Lainey Lewis. He’d do anything for her. There was nothing he wanted more than to give her the dependability Barry was denying her. But that’s not what she wanted, at least, not romantically, so he did the next best thing: he let her vent.

“And I can’t believe he still uses those nunchucks!” Lainey laughed a little at Barry’s expense.

“I think it’s worse that he uses nunchuck as a verb,” CB added, his English teacher shining through. He was afraid he was crossing a line with the comment, but Lainey smiled at him.

The bartender sat their drinks in front of them. CB clinked his glass to Lainey and drank. He choked a little before finishing the shot, then shook himself a little at the taste and burning sensation. Lainey giggled at him.

“How do you knock ‘em back so easily?” He asked Lainey, his curiosity winning out.

“I started when I was fifteen,” she replied, confirming his earlier suspicions.

“Were you and Barry a thing back then?” The words flooded out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“I think...” Lainey drew her words out. “I don’t want to think about Barry anymore tonight.”

That was something CB could easily get behind.

So, instead CB praised her on the successful recital. Of course, he’d been in attendance. He’d even shown up early to help set up. The conversation flowed easily from there. It always did between them.

As the night wore on Lainey found herself drinking considerably less than she’d originally planned. She still wasn’t anywhere close to sober, but she wasn’t ready to pass out or puke on anyone’s shoes just yet. She found CB could distract her from her problems as well, if not better, than alcohol. In spite of everything, she was having fun.

“Maybe it’s better that Barry an’ I are fighting. I doubt I’d’ve had this much fun with him tonight...” Lainey slurred. The words left her lips well before she could process them. She meant them, regardless.

CB’s hand reached out achingly close to her cheek. He longed to close the short distance and caress her face, to use his other hand to pull her to him, to lose himself in her kisses.

Who was he kidding? He couldn’t come onto his best friend who had a boyfriend, who trusted him to support her while she was vulnerable.

But was a little after two in the morning, he was as drunk as he could get with out barfing his lungs out, and this was Lainey Lewis. She was his dream girl. She was sitting right in the bar stool next to him, tantalizingly close. He could even smell her perfume. Today it was vanilla and lavender, intoxicating in its own right. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her blonde locks were down, a little unkempt; she’d worn it half up at school that day. With her tight jeans and revealing tank top under a leather jacket, she looked like something out of a dream. Her gorgeous green eyes were fixed on him, their expression adoring, and she’d just told him it was worth having her heart shattered just to be there having fun with him.

To hell with it. He reached forward and caressed her cheek. Lainey leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed.

They remained like that for a moment. Lainey never wanted to hurt Barry. Even though he’d hurt her, a voice in her head nagged. It didn’t excuse anything. But this was CB. No one in the world made her feel so safe, so loved. And she was tired of fighting it, tired of pretending she didn’t love him back, and hopelessly desperate not to be alone right now.

She surged forward and kissed him. In that moment, it hit her that she and Barry were done. In that moment, with CB’s hand on her cheek and the other on the small of his back, their lips touching, she didn’t care. CB was all that mattered. She pulled him toward her, eager to have him as close as possible.

She didn’t care what the bar’s few last patrons thought, but the shame ebbed at her anyway.

“Let’s get out of here.” Lainey whispered into CB’s ear, punctuating the statement with a kiss on his neck.

They settled their tabs, and CB called them a cab.

Once they were in the cab, Lainey insisted that there would be one stop, and gave the cab driver her address.

She knew it was wrong, but Lainey couldn’t resist the urge to make out with CB in the cab. As soon as the directions were out of her mouth, she turned to CB who was already leaning toward her. Their lips met again. They couldn’t get enough of each other. They didn’t stop until the cab did.

After paying and exiting the cab, they kissed their way into the house, up the stairs, and into Lainey’s bedroom. Lainey got bolder once they reached her room. She moved her hands down CB’s back and grabbed his ass with both hands, pulling him closer. He let out a low moan. It was hot; CB was hot, Lainey thought to herself. She began pulling off his clothes. He let her.

CB couldn’t believe he was here. He couldn’t believe he was kissing Lainey Lewis. He couldn’t believe he was in her bedroom. He couldn’t believe that she wanted him.

Lainey froze.

“We- we can’t.” It broke her heart in a thousand ways. She wanted to be with CB. She wanted to show him that she loved him. She didn’t want to jerk his heart around. But the fact was, she was still with Barry. She couldn’t stand to hurt him anymore than she already had. And as much as they both fought it, they were impossibly tired.

CB couldn’t believe they did this. What they were doing was cheating. He couldn't believe he’d been so okay with it. He couldn’t believe he’d almost taken advantage of his vulnerable best friend. Maybe he already had.

“Right,” CB cleared his throat, and began to look for his pants, suddenly very embarrassed to be in his boxers. “I should go.”

Lainey caught his wrist.

“Wait,” Her voice was small. “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Could you...could you hold me?”

He’d do anything for her. He nodded and sat on the bed.

Lainey had already flung off her jacket, but she still needed to take off her bra and put on pajama pants. She glanced over at CB. He was looking away like a gentleman. She wouldn’t have minded if he looked.

Lainey pulled back the covers and cuddled into CB. He held her close. She’d never felt more at home. She knew that tomorrow she faced the insurmountable task of breaking Barry’s heart, but right now even that seemed less daunting.

CB relaxed with Lainey snug in his arms. He fell asleep easily for someone who should’ve had a guilty conscience.

Lainey kissed his cheek.

“I love you, CB,” she whispered when she was sure he couldn’t hear her.

#lainey x cb #cb x lainey

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haila-wetyios · 5 years

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Raiding

Since it became a pretty long post, Imma just throw this under a Read More. It’s not about current tumblr drama fashion. So no popcorn scene for you peeps. Just my experience as a whole and to finally let go of a few feelings that kept weighting on me for a good while until my current team took me in.

The first time I ever advertised on a PF that I was seeking a raid team, was during the final months of ARR. I was a complete scaredy cat, anxious of whether I'd be good enough to work on a team that required more coordination than pugs to get things such as extreme primals or savage raids done. Off I go as a SMN main, panicked as my raid leader of that team joined my party for a brief interview. Afterwards though, during our first joint team efforts for HW content (Ravanna and Bismark extreme at that time) I discovered that I wasn't as bad as I thought. On the contrary, I was too perceptive of everything to the point I would rush to do mechanics assigned to our newbie healer who after several explanations would still not do the thing. Despite my huge insecurities of probably not doing the relevant rotations down to the last skill, my ego started to rise a bit when parsers started to take more and more of conversations between static members. And although I would never ask about my numbers directly, I would celebrate in silence when reading the overall party dps the moment I realized mine had been at the top even with a ninja and a dragoon in the party. That should have been a flag to me now that I look back for being a caster that was doing more damage than the melee. But I didn't know any better, and stayed with my group regardless throughout the entirety of gordias savage. Every week would be the same pummeling against the horrifying Faust dps check, then the first turn's boss, then the second turn until we finally hit the wall of jigglyman and disbanded. I didn't have much complains, despite how tiring it was, I had long since given up on those clears and instead turned each night into 'training to see how long I can last the moment shit hits the fan in any given fight'. And boy did I get a ton of experience down that lane.

The next times I started looking into content once more, I could only play the part of a sub for any group of people I trusted due to life and time issues. But I still took pride in being that one stable sub that could support any group on any extreme primal through HW. I still lament that I was never able to go through Midas and Alexander savage when they were relevant and merely watched from the sidelines.

Then SB came up, and I merely stood aside once more for the first Tier with Exdeath. Except this time, the frustrations of not having been there while I watched all my friends start doing EX's and savage content had finally gotten to me. And lo' and behold, suddenly I was back on square 1, trembling in fear while waiting on my PF announcement that I was looking for a group for Sigma (Kefka times). Nearly died the moment I had two people with interesting names join in my party and just grab me on the spot. I had no idea what I was getting into, they mentioned they just needed a caster slot for the new rag tag group they had built, but at least I had a team! Then the first day of raid came up, and right off the bat I was terrified at the fact that our raid leader was missing, being replaced just for that moment with the FC leader instead. Turns out my entire group save for the ninja, were a raiding FC with multiple groups going in through the week. And what was the first comment of the night pray tell? Well "No one should be here with X ilvl gear." Who was it aimed at? Well, to the only potato that for the first time was slightly outdated in 2 pieces of gear for not being active before the patch dropped. That was the moment that marked my spiraling down a rabbit hole that I wish I could let go of easily but still has a tight grip on me to this day.

I felt like crap, I fought my best and did research on how to be a better caster. Other than the FC leader's comment, no one berated me or spoke about me on a negative light. But it still left a mark in which I kept trying to prove myself and be useful. Suddenly I would find myself cursing at my skills. Hating how no matter how hard I tried with everything, I would never be able to even pass the goddamned Stone, Sky and Sea for savage raids. But we were still getting things done. Two new savage turns down in a single week of release? That felt incredible and also bittersweet. Because any time that my party members celebrated their purples and golds in fflogs, I would be in a corner, self destructing with greys. I kept trying and trying, until my coping mechanism ended up being "I'm just a fill in. But if I'm just this, I'm damn going to do a job stable enough to have a place here." Then things started turning out easier to deal with. I had noticed the goofiness of a lot of the members despite the numbers that dictated their runs, I gave up on my grey numbers and focused on getting their asses up if someone made a mistake. To support the healers as much as possible with mana shift and such. I started putting my experience of keeping the party alive to more use while I slowly tried to recover the confidence I had lost when starting the tier. Granted, they didn't care for the group as much as I did. No amount of hanging out after raid times or helping was enough for the few in charge to announce when we were done raiding after months of being together. They just stopped one day until their FC leader asked me if I was aware of the 'disbanding'.

Then it was time to switch gears, for the first time I thought my work had bore fruit when I was recruited into the FC leader's group instead, and all was well.... Until it wasn't, we kept having to replace members left and right, specially healers and tanks. Progress was slow, sometimes we’d clear Chaos and Midgarsormr, and others it would be a mess depending on the random team comp we had for the week. Things should have been better by the time we made it to Omega, half the party had cleared with their mains after all. Except that it was the point where everything went south in the background.

We had gained a good White Mage, who would complain about random jibber jabber every now and then, but that was fine, no biggie. Then they brought in their former co-healer from their previous static, a Scholar, and all was supposed to be fine. But then something happened that slowly started to wear us all out. For some reason, we suddenly were struggling some more with Midgarsormr, and then Omega.... Boy, even if we had previously cleared, suddenly the three days with 3 hours of raid time each went on on that goddamned turn, and then the final 15 min would go for Omega Male and Female and the reason was hard to tell at first, we were doing the same old after all. It wasn’t until nearly a month of wiping that probably the group had started to realize what was wrong. Our Scholar wasn’t exactly pulling his full weight.

This is what caused probably something that I should have seen coming and that stuck with me for a long while until now that I found this draft I worked on when the wound became fresh again from just thinking about it. It’s just frustrating, sad to a degree and I brought part of it on myself for trying so hard to be useful to no one. What happened? Well, the leader didn’t want to get involved into any drama by only kicking the Scholar because they were friends with the White Mage, so a disbanding was supposed to be the better way to end things. Except the leader decided to do it in a different and up to date still a very shitty fashion.

Right after we’d finished the last raiding night for the week, he posted an announcement about how people, aka his FC members were tired of constantly bashing their heads against Omega with little success and so they were gonna reform. By kicking the only outsiders of the static team. The White Mage, the Scholar, and me. There was no further explanation, no messages to me, nothing. I was just tossed like that after +6 months of knowing this FC and having raided and hung out with a good chunk of their members. I’d sacrificed so much for them. My time, my confidence to a degree, I had been a slave to their parsers more than a few occasions each time I heard them celebrating or complaining about their numbers. All because I wanted to feel like I could stand on the same levels as them. And I did to a good degree. I reached a point where I knew that my abilities weren’t as bad as the greys on my numbers showed me. But it meant nothing to any of them in the end. No message from the leader that up to that point had kept communication with me for raid times and other stuff. No reaction from the peeps I’d raided the most with.

The most ironic part that I still respect? The only person to apologize, the only one that actually took the time to send me a message after the whole group ‘disbanded’ was the dragoon that I had only ever heard speak about their golden parses and nothing else on discord. We hadn’t even talked up until then. But he still cared more than the people that had known me for longer in that group. Granted, I did get to throw at least a cent in the raid channel about what I thought before getting kicked, so he probably wanted to come out clean on that.

I am glad to no avail that I will never have to see them again, because the server splits sent them to a different data center. But it still left a deep mark on me when it came to XIV. I stopped logging in to do any content for a while, focused more on screenshots, on shady flower lady times until I could learn to love the game again. It probably took longer than I would have liked because all of this happened at the exact time that my friends from my crew had dived into raiding at a deeper level. I got to see them celebrate clearing the final omega. Then server transferring to be with their static before the great split or quitting. And then with Shadowbringers hearing “We’re not looking for a dps caster slot.” Each time anyone needed a fill in for their group.

All this left me at an odd spot, being the veteran that keeps up groups or dungeons on normal modes, but having a hard time trying to get back into my niches in the game. My way of getting through raid had been to think of myself as being replaceable or worthless, but still trying to keep my hope that I’m actually valuable. Getting through all of it alone is not the solution now that I can let go of that bitterness of not being appreciated even as a person. I just happened to get a random chance to try out filling in for a group for a friend. But it wasn’t that what helped me the most both to be back on raids and to have finally built back my confidence. They probably didn’t think that I would check, but I’m the curious kind. Specially when you join a discord that has brief mentions of you on the recent chat. And seeing them mention me, and then vouching over my skills as a player, and how I was their first friend in the server? Well, despite having trouble expressing any feelings myself most of the time, when I get to think of it, you have no idea how much it meant to me.

I managed to get back on what I like and enjoy most of what I do after deciding to take another leap of faith and join this group despite my stigma. Granted, mentions of parses and all will always be there. But not letting them define you, and believing in what you can and can’t do in content, I think is the best choice you can make to have a healthy experience and enjoy yourself as much as possible.

#personal #FFXIV #Raiding can be fun or leave a bad mark on you depending on how you go about it #long post #When I first wrote this it looked more like a rant so off it went to drafts #But its really just my experience overall now that I re read it and added two more cents in it

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queen-of-bel · 5 years

Text

phew okay this was sitting in my drafts for so long, but an analysis for second best devil survivor boy (tadashi nikaido)

naoya | atsuro | amane | gin | mari

Tadashi Nikaido is genuinely one of my favorite characters ever, but I see him get reduced to just "tsundere gangster" but he really is a lot more than that.

Let's look at how he was first introduced. If you remember, there was a thug who was harassing an SDF solider to be let out of the lockdown. He's quickly stopped by Kaido who clearly has no desire at all to spar with the SDF. After Atsuro notes that Kaido has a reputation of treating his members well, Kazuya approaches Kaido for help. Kaido doesn't know of any secret exits, and hasn't seen Naoya. Then, Kaido decides to take it a step further, asking the picture of Naoya to be sent over IR so he can show his crew once the cell lines come back on. This wasn't something that Kazuya asked him to do. This was something that Kaido volunteered to do. He didn't have to do this for 3 strangers, but he did anyway.

The next big thing we learn about Kaido is the "bloodless murderer" and its connection to Kaido. In case you need a refresher, one of the victims was Kaido's brother. It's at this point that we start to see a darker side of him. He finally figured out the secret behind the murderer (that it's a demon) and how to avenge his brother (by using the COMPs). He even calls his brother a "wuss", implying that he thinks his brother died because he wasn't strong enough to fight off the assailant.

Alright, let's throw Mari into the picture now. In case you need a second reminder, Mari is childhood friends with Kaido and his brother. Mari and his brother eventually get into a relationship, but Kaido secretly was in love with Mari, too.

The text differs slightly between the original game and Overclocked, but when Kaido and Mari are arguing, Mari beings to either say how Kaido's brother was her lover, or that she blames herself for his death. Either way, Kaido becomes enraged and cuts her off, and even goes so far as to say he wishes he were the one to kill his brother. He then yells at Mari to stay away from the bloodless murderer before storming off.

The glaringly obvious takeaway is that Kaido has serious issues conveying his emotions. No doubt he's jealous that Mari fell for his brother and not him, but he's also having difficulty expressing his grief over his brother, even resorting to saying something like this to cover his grief. Mari realizes this is just a cover, though, and asks Kazuya to forgive Kaido, as Kaido seems so angry at the moment because of his brother's murder.

Now, jump to the battle where Yuzu gets us into that bet with Kaido and Honda. This is where the lockdown begins to break him. After Kaido realizes he can’t win the bet against a bunch of high school kids, he cries out “I wanted to gain power, but I can’t... I can’t protect anything!” His strong will is what summons Pazuzu, who comments on his "bitter cries of despair".

Note that the first reason he states he wants power is to protect something. He doesn't want power for personal gain, or any selfish reasons. He wants the strength to avenge his brother and protect Mari. He doesn't care about crushing everything or taking over the world-- he just wants Mari to he safe.

So whether or not Mari survives the battle with Kudlak is going to really define Kaido's outlook, but before we jump to the fifth day, let's take a look at what happens on day 4.

At Suidobashi, we find Kaido and Honda getting into a fight with a bunch of civilians, with the intent to kill the civilians. After talking to them, though, Honda says that the civilians attacked them first, and Honda and Kaido were merely acting in self-defense. After they leave, Atsuro says if he were in Kaido's place, he would've lost control, too.

Let's now talk a bit about Kaido's role as a gang/thug leader.

Kaido doesn't want to lead the Shibuya Daemons. He explicitly tells Kazuya, "I don't really care... I'm only leadin' these guys 'cause it was my brother's gang." Kaido only views this as a responsibility his brother left for him, but despite the fact that he has a reputation for treating his members well, he couldn't care less about the Daemons.

So, jump back to the battle where Kaido/Honda are fighting the civilians. This is all really important to consider when Kaido calls Kazuya and everyone "justice freaks".

At first, it seems like Kaido is just displaying typical, thuggish, "fuck the cops" kind of behavior. But considering his behavior and what we know about him up until this point in the game, it doesn't really make sense.

Kaido didn't start the Shibuya Daemons, nor does he want to lead them. Kaido broke up a fight between a gang member and an SDF soldier, when he easily could've joined in, or at the very least, ignored it. Knowing all this, Kaido is probably best described as just "transient" as opposed to having any actual convictions. Maybe he doesn't care enough to outright respect the law, but he doesn't seem to have an active interest in breaking the law, either.

So where does the "justice freak" thing come from?

The most likely answer to me is that Kaido is frustrated with the Japanese law enforcement for not making any progress in the bloodless murder cases. He laments several times that it's been so long since his brother was murdered, and they still don't know who did it. One of the instances where this is shown is when Kazuya gives Kaido Mari's bag. Kaido says "I've been waiting for this... It's been seven months now since my brother died... I'm finally gonna nail the bastard that killed my bro and cornered Mari!"

So, Kaido already has lost hope in the justice system, and knowing that it was the government who enacted the lockdown certainly didn't improve his opinion on the government. Also, now that he sees demons, the same creatures that killed his brother, are on the loose, Kaido knows that if he makes one misstep in the lockdown, he'll die. Especially considering that he thinks his brother could've protected himself if he was stronger.

At this moment, laws don't matter to him anymore if they're just going to hinder his survival. Note that Kaido never did anything that didn't have to do with his survival. He never robbed anybody, he never looted any stores, all he wanted to do was get stronger so he could survive and protect Mari.

Okay, so now let's jump into the 5th day mess, where Mari's fate is defined.

Let's start with if Mari dies.

If Kazuya is there for the battle against Kudlak, but didn't give her purse to either her or Kaido, Mari is killed in front of everyone. Kaido absolutely loses it, and afterwards, falls into a state of shock and depression. I'll touch more on this later, but Kaido says "Mari... I let down my bro... And now you too..."

The next time we see Kaido, he's fighting Keisuke, where their morals are clearly clashing over the proper use of power. This bit of dialogue is only triggered if Kazuya witnessed Mari's death, but Kaido does say "without power, you can't protect anything close to you" before continuing the fight with Keisuke.

If Kazuya didn't witness Mari getting killed by Kudlak, he'll get a email from Kaido that night saying that Mari was found dead. His words indicate that he lapsed into a depression from how powerless he felt.

Either way, the takeaway is that if Mari dies, Kaido blames his lack of strength for his failures. This solidifies the thought in his mind that if you want to survive, you have to be strong. After all, if he were stronger, he could've avenged his brother and saved the woman he loved, right?

Okay, let's rewind day 5 and see what happens if Mari survives.

If Mari survives, and Kaido defeated (well, helped to defeat) Kudlak, he credits this to his strength. This is evidenced in his fight with Keisuke if Mari survives, where he says "If you don't want to die, you gotta get strong! The weak have no right to complain!"

Whatever happens with Mari's fate, the events of the fifth day confirm to him that if he wants to survive and protect anyone, he's got to get stronger. He just has to.

It's after the fifth day that he totally snaps.

On the sixth day, he rants to Kazuya how humans are basically rotten and his desire to crush everything. The stress of the lockdown has finally gotten to him. After he sees stuff from the Japanese government abandoning the civilians in the lockdown and their plans to kill everyone, to the civilians in the lockdown losing all sanity, killing others and causing pure chaos in the streets, Kaido has lost all hope in humanity.

He's extremely bitter towards YHVH and the angels who enacted the lockdown in the first place, which is why he teams up with Naoya to make Kazuya the overlord. At this point he's just gone insane, truly believing that he can't survive without power, and after a week of seeing people's ugly side, he detaches himself from humanity, seeing people as only stepping stones to make himself stronger.

I want to stress one more time that Kaido does not typically share these sentiments. Even at the end of the lockdown, he knows deep down that people aren't inherently bad. He knows that people were pushed this far because of the lockdown, just as he was. This is evidenced by his reaction to Keisuke's actions on the sixth day. If Keisuke is alive, he tells them that he forgives Keisuke for what he did. If Kaido killed Keisuke, Kaido will apologize to Atsuro, saying that under different circumstances, he and Keisuke would make great friends. He even takes it a step further, saying that he understands if Atsuro doesn't forgive him, and if it would make Atsuro feel better, he can kill Kaido.

The best example of Kaido's true nature is in Amane's eighth day, where he actually agrees to help the Messiah and protect the barricade from the demon tamers fighting to get out. He says that this is the least he can do, considering how hard Kazuya is working to help people. These actions would make no sense if Kaido was truly as power-hungry as he appears to be on the sixth day. In fact, this solidifies the theory that Kaido just... exists. Just two days prior, he was seething with rage, vowing to crush the SDF and YHVH. And yet, now he's siding with the Japanese government and the Messiah.

Clearly, Kaido is the type of person who just adapts to the situation he's in. He doesn't particularly have any morals, but instead, he just goes with whatever is happening in his environment. This is even implied in the materials guide, where under Kaido's favorite music, it says "club music?" including the question mark. Being a highschool dropout (also stated in the materials guide) and a gang leader, it's no surprise that he frequents clubs, but it's interesting that he has so little convictions that even his taste in music is left to be shaped by his environment.

Honestly, I think it's very possible Kaido has some form of undiagnosed mental disorder, quite possibly borderline personality disorder. Besides his feelings for Mari, he has no real convictions or ambitions in life. He's just aimlessly doing what life handed to him. His brother died? Well, guess he has to take over his gang. Being stuck in the lockdown? Gain more power to help him survive. Messiah is working to save humanity? Time to side with the angels.

Yes, Kaido has his issues, but the reason why we see his nasty side so often is bc of the cruelty of the lockdown and how that honestly made him snap. The game, however, also conveys multiple instances where his true nature is shown. Despite it all, he's very conflicted about the whole situation-- bouncing back and forth between attempting to murder others to listening to his conscience and displaying compassion towards others. At the end of Naoya's no kill route, Kaido states that he's doing this because he wants to stay by Kazuya's side. Metatron even notes that Kaido is doing this out of loyalty to a friend. Granted, Kaido isn't the only person Metatron says this to, but if Kaido really did only choose this path to gain more power, Metatron would've said so.

Kaido lives an aimless and metaphorically nomadic life, at times showing symptoms which hint at depression or an underlying mental illness. What he is not, however, is your typical power hungry SMT chaos rep. He's a far more complex character than that. He allows his convictions to change very suddenly, just to match the environment he's in. Really, he's this tangled mess of emotions that he has never resolved, and as a result, has become an extremely apathetic and aimless person.

#it's up #sorry it took so long #not like anyone was really waiting for this anyway lol #also sorry no read more i'm on mobile #bpd kaido is my fave headcanon #devil survivor #desu character analyses #tadashi nikaido #desu #devil survivor spoilers #amelia rambles #desu rambles

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thedeadflag · 5 years

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Hey, pretty soon I'll be playing a friend of mine is gonna be DMing Tyranny Of Dragons for me and a couple of friends, and I can't decide whether I should play a Monk (probably Open Hand, maybe Kensei) or a Ranger (either Beastmaster or Horizon Walker), 'cause I've never played either of those classes, nor has anyone at the tables I've played. Can you tell me a little about your experiences with these classes?

The Ranger has been one of my favourite classes throughout the editions of D&D in terms of flavour, and I’ve had some fun with monks as well. In 5th edition, both took a fair bit of a hit in utility (individual and within group dynamics) and power at pretty much all ranges. The Ranger was propped back up a little bit in Unearthed Arcana in the revised ranger archetype, but both are still largely considered at best middle of the road classes, and at worst, the lowest tier of classes in the game in utility and character.

That’s not to say they can’t be fun and have a lot of flavour, and still find use. If you’ve watched Critical Role, you can see Vex and Beau weren’t useless by any stretch. No class is junk in 5e due to the improved parity compared to some past editions. So power and utility aside, if you feel drawn to any class/subclass, and you want to dive into its particular brand of flavour, then I say go for it. I would gauge the rest of the party’s makeup in making your decision, because group synergy is important, but you have to make yourself happy, too, right?

Anywho, I’ll break down my take on both.

When it comes to Monks, I like Open Hand the best. If you want to have a Monk-style gameplay with weapons, then Mystic or Fighter are probably better options with some more flair and utility involved than Kensei imo, but if that’s the route you want to take, it’d be alright. However, Open Hand has quivering palm, which is pretty incredible late game as far as damage and flexible timing from a single person through 3 ki pts and an action. If you do ever reach level 17, I would recommend multiclassing after that if you’re allowed, since the rest of the Monk’s class progression is kind of junk in comparison, and it could use some much needed utility from 3 levels of another class. Anywho, I like open hand not just for the flavor of being a class that’s capable of being an unarmed beast in battle, but also because of the way it can work in alignment with fighters who can also control the battlefield, like any fighter with a sentinel/polearm master. The ability to shove an enemy up to 15ft with one of your flurry attacks, launching them into the range of a fighter who gets a free opp attack against them and can from then on lock down their movement with a successful hit? That can be an excellent tag team. The Monk isn’t excellent for utility, but the Open Hand technique is probably the best at providing utility in combat among all the monk disciplines. Like, another option after hitting with flurry of blows is to steal all reactions for the opponent until the end of your next turn. This can be especially helpful against casters, as stealing reactions = preventing counterspells. And Monks can get a lot of attacks = lots of attempts to disrupt concentration of enemy casters, so the open hand monk is especially helpful at being a designated mage wrecker with having the mobility to reach casters and the ability to destabilize them. It’s arguably the one thing (aside from unarmed damage) that (this one kind of) monks do better than just about anyone else, arguably.

Now, to Rangers.

Honestly, I don’t like beast-focused Rangers. I think they’re a lot of work in order to get the mechanical payoff most other classes can achieve without a lot of thought or effort. Generally, any class that can let me focus more on flavour and RP is one I’m going to prefer, and beast master’s just…unwieldy. A lot of people say the class is junk, and if you run it without getting into the headspace for optimizing, it’s probably going to be more of a frustrating experience than you’d have hoped for. With BMs, you’re managing not just your character, but your companion, and you have to keep up with the different mechanics of both, you need to be 100% on top of choices made while leveling up, you need to have a strong understanding of battlefield control and your companion’s capabilities from the get go, and you really ought to be the kind of player who is happy to take a backseat to everyone else in and out of combat because the way you’ll shine is by helping everyone else do what they do with a little bit higher odds of success than otherwise. Personally, I like playing that sort of character, but I can do all of that with other classes a lot easier, and usually better, so this isn’t the kind of archetype I’d choose for a character myself. If you really want to, and think it’s cool, go for it, though.

The first thing I’d do is ask if you can use the UA revised ranger instead of the PHB ranger if you’re going the beast route (it’s “beast conclave” archetype in UA). If your DM allows that and insists you choose your companion from the list provided here, take the wolf (pack tactics is v helpful, same with 40ft speed and being able to send enemies prone after attacking) or ape (climb 30ft, melee/ranged ability, good stat baselines).

The second thing you’ll need is to lock down a quality companion, and that can take a bit of wheeling and dealing with your DM to let you use one of the supplementary books as a source, which is especially necessary if you’re not able to use the revised ranger class from UA. You do not want a hawk, mastiff, or panther, the PHB offers some shit examples out of the gate (panther and hawk are only conditionally good if you’re only ever going to have your companion rushing around the map using the ‘help’ action, or scouting to some extent, and the latter becomes less useful and reliable the higher level you become). Don’t choose a CR 0 companion, or one under ¼. If you absolutely must use a hawk for character flavor, then a blood hawk that at least has pack tactics would be a must. But if you are hoping for a companion that can do damage, look for something with certain damage if it hits, like added poison damage. Look for good AC if you want a tank. Look for versatility in mobility and senses. Look for special abilities (the boar having a relentless ability where it’ll go back to 1HP if it falls below 0; the wolf spider has web walk and web sense which can really help with casters using web if players don’t want to wade into the difficult terrain or are having difficulty finding enemies caught in the web; etc.)

But yeah, beast-focused rangers will be best when they’re spamming the help action with their beasts, using their beasts to get enemies out of cover, using their beasts to help control the field and give others advantage/take advantage, etc. You need to be quick mentally to know what you want to do with your character and your companion each time your turn comes around (most DMs, myself included, aren’t going to let you have as much time as you need to figure out what you want to do on both fronts, so if you can’t juggle two characters at once without losing a step, it might not be the archetype for you). This type of ranger requires you to know exactly what you want to be able to accomplish for yourself and your party right out of the gate, so you’ll want to gauge what your party members will be specializing in, what they want to be able to do, and see if there’s a way to shape your ranger to aid in that, particularly in choosing a beast that can be the most effective in ensuring that. Group cohesion is the name of the game with this form of ranger, so you’ll want to consider race selection a part of this process, too. I’ve had one player bomb hard as a BM and re-roll a different ranger, and I’ve had a friend who ran one who was the group’s unsung hero a lot of the time during their campaign. If you’re looking at Vex from CR as inspiration, keep in mind she had an excellent set of stats from lvl 9 onwards, and plenty of magical weapons to make up for much of any class shortcomings as characters scale up…look at how often Trinket was useful (very rarely) and understand that the bear was essentially just flavour for most of the campaign, and Vex would have been considerable underpowered compared to the rest of the party if not for some considerable DM intervention in ways that make things a lot trickier for DMs (adding magical weapons/items can easily unbalance a campaign, and it’s a matter of experience in knowing how to dole them out without throwing balance aside…Matt Mercer’s comfortable handing out flying carpets and multiple +2AC items and superpowered magical weapons by level 9, I wouldn’t give them out before level 14 or 15 and it would really only be if a player was severely struggling and refused to re-roll a more appropriate character while dying or nearly dying most combats). Other classes and archetypes have features and abilities that scale as you level, some earn specific spells as they level up that others can’t get, etc., but with beast conclave rangers, it’s their beast that slightly improves in a few meaningful ways. So if you’re going that route, you need to commit to a great beasts that’s a great fit for you and your party, and you need to commit to making the absolute most out of them and knowing how to make the most out of them.

Horizon Walker’s a simpler archetype that has some badass spells, but the flavour for the class can be a bit…strange in some adventures. It might not fit well with Tyranny of Dragons, I’m not sure how much planar travel’s involved in that adventure. Which might not be a problem for the DM, or you. I still prefer the UA ranger conclaves, but out of the PHB ones, this one’s probably the best of the bunch, even if it’s mostly going to lean towards being a melee build (which, again, check your party comp to see if that’s something that is workable).

Anywho, those are my late night D&D ramblings. You can take my words with a grain of salt if you’d like, and as always the rule of cool applies…if you think it’s cool and you really want to go with something, go for it and I hope the DM will find a way to help you make it work, but yeah, these classes can be a bit of an uphill battle, though I suppose potentially a rewarding challenge if that’s what you’re looking for.

Best of luck with the campaign, I’m sure you’ll have fun!

#d&d #long post #Anons

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fanders-fic-awards · 6 years

Text

Logan Holmes and the Mystery of the Disappearing Book (Summer Fic Comp 18)

Summary: Logan conducts his biggest investigation at eight years old. (Kid!fic, platonic LAMP)

Trigger warnings: Bullying, Deceit, other Dark Sides (imagined), family death mention

Word count: 4982

Ballot

It is not a typical day. Well, Logan Holmes thinks, it’s typical enough in some ways: the Florida sun is as obnoxious as it always is, and the fading chatter of his classmates still echoes down the hallways, along which he’s retracing his steps with increasing agitation. The reason it is not a typical day is that today Logan can’t find his Book, and logically, it only follows that the end times are near.

This wouldn’t be a problem if it were any book. But this Book is not any book, which makes it just that much worse; Logan could have sworn he’d zipped it up in his school bag’s secret pocket at the end of fifth period, but by the end of the day his secret pocket was empty, and Logan has just finished searching his classroom and the music room and his favourite recess reading spot and everywhere he’s been after fifth period, and he just can’t find it.

He rubs at his eyes in frustration. He can feel his throat starting to close up and his eyes starting to burn, and he knows that’s not good. The last time that had happened he had ended up crying loudly in front of the whole class, and the meanest boy in class, Jason, had laughed at him, and then his head had hurt and it had been the worst thing ever. And Logan is smart and he learns from his mistakes, so he knows that if he doesn’t want that happening ever again (and he doesn’t), then he needs to calm down right now.

He ducks into the bathroom and glares at himself in the mirror.

“Stop,” he tells his reflection firmly, echoing his father’s voice. “Tantrums are not a good look on you,” and he splashes his face methodically with water.

He is not going to cry. What would Sherlock Holmes say?

The thought grounds him, makes him stand a little straighter and fix his rumpled shirt and bowtie. Sherlock Holmes wouldn’t be so easily daunted. Sherlock Holmes is a superhero. He wouldn’t be panicking at all; he would be calm and do some cool investigation to figure out what happened to his Book. So Logan will just have to do the same.

He wipes his hands on his pants and carefully puts his glasses back on. Puffs on an imaginary pipe. Nods thoughtfully at his reflection, which nods back as if to say: simply marvellous, Holmes. This shall be our most challenging case yet.

“Yes, indeed,” he murmurs back to himself, and then purely for the fun of it: “Elementary, my dear Watson.”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out!” chirps the new face in the mirror, and Logan shrieks.

The new face shrieks as well. Both of them scramble away from each other, pause, and stare.

The mysterious entity speaks first, and Logan realises it is a boy.

“I’m sorry,” says the boy, sounding worried. “Did I scare you?”

“No,” says Logan, too quickly. “I just didn’t know you were, um. Here. I’m sorry.”

The boy smiles, and Logan finally takes him in fully. He’s about half a head shorter than Logan. More chubby. Bubbling blue eyes. Brown hair. Round glasses. And splattered head to toe in pink paint.

As if remembering this fact himself, Mirror Boy turns back to the sink, inspecting the damage cheerfully.

“That’s okay, it wasn’t your fault!” he says, and Logan thinks that’s the end of that, but he keeps talking. “Of course, it wasn’t exactly my fault either, ’cause I was sure you knew I was there, but I’m sorry if I got it wrong and startled you, if that makes a difference, and I hope we can just move past this and it doesn’t, y’know, paint me in a bad light.”

At this, he stretches out a bright pink cardigan-clad arm, points to it unnecessarily with a bright pink finger, and beams at Logan like he just won an award.

“Uhh,” is all Logan can say. “Okay.”

“Get it? Like paint?”

“Yep,” says Logan, extremely confused.

“It’s called a pun!” says the boy, bouncing a bit. “My dad tells me them, and–”

But he doesn’t finish, because there’s a sudden clamour of footsteps from outside the bathroom, and Paint Boy, for some reason, responds by clapping a hand over his mouth firmly in panic, eyes wide, and pulling Logan closer to him, out of sight of the door.

Startled, Logan complies, and they wait without a word as the footsteps move towards their hideout. Amongst the racket, Logan hears a voice say, “Where’s the nerd gone?” and another, “I bet he’s busy crying,” followed by malicious laughter.

The boy still hasn’t dared to move, and Logan puts two and two together. He realises the boy is jittering, and his breathing is anxious and much too loud, so he politely taps his shoulder and mimes closing his mouth and breathing slowly through his nose. Paint Boy follows him as he demonstrates, and their chests quietly rise and fall in unison until the other kids outside are gone.

When it falls silent again, the boy slumps in relief, breathes out a “thanks,” to Logan, and steps back to the sink to continue washing up like absolutely nothing just transpired.

“So,” begins Logan.

“Yeah?” chirps the boy, tone back to normal.

“Do I want to know what just happened?”

The boy laughs, then says nothing, then says, “I just didn’t want them knowing where I am,” and removes his grey cardigan to wash it better. “That’s all.”

Logan doesn’t know how to respond. Instead, he says, “Why are you covered in paint?”

“Oh, the guys outside did that,” says Cardigan Boy, brightly. “They think it’s funny that I like pink.”

Logan puts two and two together again, and says, shocked, “That’s bullying.”

“Yep!” says the boy, rinsing his cardigan in the sink until the paint melts off in rivulets of pink water. “My mom says I should stick with friends so they don’t do that, but I don’t really know that many people here. I’m new.”

“So,” says Logan, carefully. “You don’t have any friends?”

The boy shakes his head, still smiling. He doesn’t look up.

Logan doesn’t quite know why, but the next words out of his mouth are, “Can you help me? I’ve lost something and I’d like some help looking for it.”

The boy looks up.

“You want my help?” he says, surprised.

“Yes,” says Logan uncomfortably.

“What are you looking for?”

“It’s a… Book.”

“A book?” says the boy eagerly as he squeezes his cardigan out and shakes it, splattering Logan with water. “Oops, sorry. Sure I’ll help you look!”

He pauses, as if remembering something, then steps over and extends his hand, beaming. “Oh, I’m Patton, by the way! Patton Watson.”

Logan stares.

“Watson?”

“Yep,” says Patton Watson – Watson! – with a bemused smile. “What’s your name?”

“L-Logan,” says Logan at last, pulling himself back to reality and taking Patton’s dripping hand firmly in a promise. “Logan Holmes. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Same here,” says Patton happily. “Lead the way, new friend!”

* * *

After about half an hour of fruitless searching around their school grounds, Logan is having trouble maintaining his composure, but he tries not to show it. Patton, his cardigan long since having dried in the afternoon heat, has now tied it around his shoulders by its sleeves like a superhero cape, and keeps getting distracted by shiny things, and will not stop making strange jokes that Logan barely understands.

Still, their time spent investigating is enjoyable. Logan fills Patton in on the lore of their namesakes, which Patton drinks in with wide-eyed interest; in turn, Patton points out pretty things that aren’t his Book, like funny-shaped red leaves and speckly pebbles, with the air of discovering hidden treasure. He seems happy bouncing alongside Logan in the sun, and at one point he picks up a fallen pink flower, forces Logan to sniff it and acknowledge that it smells very nice, and then carries it happily around with them, cradling it like a precious jewel.

Logan stops short with a heavy sigh as they finish their tour of the entire building and school field, allowing himself one kick at the ground before assuming his Sherlock Holmes pose and declaring, “Alas, my dear Watso—”

Patton giggles, then hastily bites down on it when Logan glares at him.

“—it seems our investigation has had no results. Perhaps we should simply accept that the Book is no longer on this pr- on this prem-i-ses,” he falters, wondering how that word is supposed to be said, “and consider that it may be… lost for good.”

Patton peers at his face as he finishes, staring at his shoes and trying to hold back tears. Then he says:

“Smile.”

Logan meets his gaze, surprised by the intensity he sees in it.

“What?”

“You know what I do when I wanna cry?” says Patton unexpectedly. “I start smiling. That way nobody ever knows when I wanna cry. And then I stop wanting to, too.”

Logan twitches, and rubs at his eyes before any tears can fall. “Really?”

Patton nods vigorously.

“This book means a lot to you, right? Well, we’re smart! And we checked and if it’s not here, then it must be somewhere else. So maybe… it fell somewhere and then somebody picked it up? We can ask people if they saw it! It’ll be like those books you talked about, doing in-ves-gations and catching the bad guys! This’ll be fun!”

He’s bobbing up and down by the end of his speech, and Logan can’t help but want to do the same, feeling unexpectedly kind of warm inside.

“Alright,” he says, giving Patton a smile that surfaces quite unannounced. “Good idea, Watson.”

“Elemental, my dear Lo-Lo,” giggles Patton, and completely ruins it.

* * *

As their first order of business after leaving the school, Patton sits down at the corner of a street, tucks his flower behind his ear, borrows Logan’s pencil, and draws a picture under his direction of what the Book looks like. Logan gives him credit for trying, but draws the line when Patton starts adding his own twists.

“No,” he says again, irritably. “Why are you drawing a butterfly on it!?”

“I’m drawing butterflies around it, silly,” says Patton, oblivious as he draws another butterfly right over the cover.

“Why?”

“Because butterflies are pretty,” responds Patton simply. “Duh.”

“But now it looks like they’re on the Book.”

“Well, why shouldn’t I draw butterflies on it if I wanna?” says Patton, who’s surprisingly stubborn for someone who looks so sunshine-sweet.

“My Book doesn’t have butterflies on it!”

“Well, maybe you should put some there!”

“That’s not th—”

Patton cuts him off. “Do you hear that?”

“Hear wh—?”

“Shh!” whispers Patton, and has the nerve to put his hand over Logan’s mouth. “Someone’s singing!”

Still reeling from being shut up quite so effectively, Logan meekly complies. The voice floats over to them from the next street; it’s a boy’s voice, and quite nice, even if the words being sung are unfamiliar to Logan:

“Shining, shimmering, sple-ndid –

Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?”

Patton, however, beams as the singing devolves into voices too faint to make out, and careless laughter.

“That was pretty!” he says cheerily. “We should go say hi!”

And he grabs the paper and Logan’s hand and pulls him along without waiting for a response, his cardigan flapping behind him like a superhero cape as he runs.

They follow the sound together around the corner, which rings out alongside their clattering footsteps in the otherwise quiet suburb, and jog down the lane together until they spot the boy. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and is swinging his legs energetically from atop the picket fence across the street, still singing the song from before with his eyes closed and head swaying theatrically. When he spots them, his smile grows, and he stretches a hand out to them in a dramatic gesture.

“Greetings, fellow citizens!” he proclaims in a voice that can’t be real. “What brings you to our humble kingdom?”

“Shut up, weirdo!” Logan hears as they cross the street, Patton still clinging tightly to his hand and peering carefully left and right at the completely empty road. “That’s so embarrassing!”

“It so is not, Edgelord,” calls the boy, pouting in a general upward direction.

Patton looks at the sky, puzzled, but Logan does some quick deduction that he’s quietly proud of and nudges him to indicate the nearby tree behind the fence, where another boy is curled up in the fork of the trunk. He’s wearing a huge black hoodie despite the weather and his legs are pulled up to his chest, his face hidden partly by brown bangs and partly by his knees. He groans when he sees the two of them.

“Did you have to do that, Princey?”

“They’re guests in this kingdom, you sad sack!” exclaims the singing boy – Princey? – affronted. “You’ve gotta make ’em feel more welcome than that!”

He hops off the fence and pumps Patton’s hand energetically. “Hello there again! My name is Roman, and that is my dark and stormy friend up there—”

“We’re not friends,” grumbles Hoodie Boy, curling up even tighter until he looks like an angry ball of wool.

“Not yet,” says Roman pleasantly.

“Hi,” says Patton in his sunniest voice yet, waving up at the stormcloud in the tree. It eyes him suspiciously before wiggling a hand in return.

“Hello,” says Logan, deciding to keep it simple. “We’re wondering if you’ve seen something we’re looking for.”

Patton perks up and flourishes their poster at Roman, butterfly cover and all, with its grand caption of ‘LOST!’ adorning the top. Roman leans down and peers at it carefully, hums, then looks very thoughtful, and then – to Logan’s delight – gasps in answer.

“What?” demands Logan immediately. “Did you see it? Did someone—”

“I have no idea,” says Roman bluntly, with a click of fingers. “Sorry.”

“Then why…?” fumbles Logan, still reeling from the whiplash of disappointment.

“It’s called acting, Specs,” the clod says airily, and Logan hates him already. “Anyway, I haven’t seen your, uh, thing.”

“What is it?” mumbles Hoodie, sticking his head out to sneak a look at the paper but making no move to leave his perch.

“Come down and see for yourself, friend,” quips Roman, his attention immediately diverted. Hoodie groans in exasperation.

“Not coming down.”

“What if I come up to you?”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Hey.”

“What.”

“Climb to that branch up there.”

“Go away.”

Roman laughs again, mischievously.

“You won’t do it for me but you’ll do it for your friends?”

“Stop talking about them,” snaps the boy. “You’re not gonna change my mind.”

“But I love you, remember?” says Roman theatrically, putting a hand to his chest in mock hurt. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m not gonna be saved by you, Princey,” retorts Hoodie, pelting him with a leaf.

Roman catches it and blows a kiss back to Hoodie, who gives Logan a long-suffering look. Logan inclines his head in sympathy, and they allow a comfortable silence to fall between them, listening to Patton and Roman chatter, until eventually Hoodie speaks quietly.

“I think I know you. We have art together, right? I-In school, I mean.”

“Oh,” says Logan, a bit self-consciously. “Maybe.”

“It’s okay,” says the boy, looking more comfortable as Roman and Patton chat away animatedly, ignoring them. “I just know you ’cause everyone knows you. You’re the smart one. Nobody notices me much. I kinda like that.”

Logan can’t relate at all, but nods anyway to be polite. Truth be told, he’s rather disappointed in himself for not having noticed Hoodie before. He makes a note to try and notice more people in the future, as part of his detective training.

“Your… not-friend seems to be noticing you a lot,” he points out, indicating Roman.

Hoodie looks grumpy. “Yeah. I hate it. I wish he’d stop trying to be a hero.”

“A hero?”

“Yep,” grumbles Hoodie, turning towards Logan more fully and letting his legs dangle against the tree trunk. “He wants to rescue me from my friends. And he keeps on saying he loves me.”

Logan considers this. “Well, that doesn’t make any logical sense,” he muses, pushing his glasses up his nose pointedly. “Friends are good. That’s a fact.” He pauses. “Right?”

The boy heaves a long sigh before answering. “Princey doesn’t like my friends. They’re not really… I dunno. Nice?”

“Then why do you like them?”

“I…” begins Hoodie, then trails off into a mumble. “It’s sorta different. Not like he thinks.”

He indicates Roman with a jerk of his head and fidgets.

“Well,” says Logan reasonably, “I guess what matters is that you’re happy. Right?”

“I guess,” echoes Hoodie, but he still looks uncomfortable. “Maybe.”

“Definitely,” says Logan, now surer of himself. “I don’t even have any friends, but it doesn’t bother me.”

“You don’t?” says Hoodie, wrinkling his nose a bit. “Then who’s that?”

Logan follows his gaze, to where Patton is telling Roman something about his pink flower, and smiling brightly as the drama queen overreacts to it. He notices Logan looking and beams proudly at him, still clutching their poster. Logan’s pencil has replaced the flower behind his ear.

Huh. Logan supposes he does have a friend now.

That reminds him.

“Excuse me, I just remembered,” he says. “I have to find out if anyone’s seen the thing I’m looking for. You wouldn’t have seen it, would you?”

“Depends,” says Hoodie easily. “I don’t even know what it is.”

“Oops,” says Logan, feeling silly for having forgotten. “Here.”

He extracts the paper from Patton’s hand to show the boy and Roman notices.

“How’dja lose your… thingy anyway?” he asks, waving a hand in casual dismissal of the thingy.

“It’s a Book,” Logan replies crossly. “And it fell out of my… school bag.”

Out of his secret pocket. Which is on the inside of the bag and always zipped shut.

Which, now that he thinks about it, doesn’t add up.

“You sure?” says Roman, and something in the way he says it makes Logan feel not very sure at all. “’Cause, y’know. People can be pretty mean. Especially to nerds like you.”

(Here he casts a dark look at Hoodie Boy, who looks stricken.)

“Mean?” echoes Logan, not quite paying attention.

“Um. Yeah,” comes a small voice. Not Roman’s. He turns.

Patton is fidgeting with his cardigan’s sleeve and curling into himself quietly.

“The… the boys outside the bathroom earlier,” he mumbles. “They, um. One of them’s in my class. Declan Carter. He… doesn’t like me, I think. I don’t know the other guys. But everyone thinks they’re pretty mean.”

Logan doesn’t answer.

“Hey, Nerd, you do know the guys I’m talking about, right?” adds Roman, looking concerned. “Or do those glasses make you completely blind?”

Logan doesn’t answer. He’s in his own head doing sums. Or maybe deductions.

“It fell out of my… school bag.” Out of his safe, secret inside pocket. Except it can’t have fallen out of the secret pocket, which Logan knows was zipped up.

(Two and two makes four.)

“Where’s the nerd gone?” asks the voice outside the bathroom door, looking for Patton. Except he can’t have been talking about Patton, who Logan knows isn’t a nerd.

(Four and four makes eight.)

“I bet he’s busy crying,” says the other voice, but “Nobody ever knows when I wanna cry,” says Patton, who Logan knows smiles through his tears.

(Eight and eight: sixteen.)

“I just know you ’cause everyone knows you. You’re the smart one,” says Hoodie Boy.

(Thirty-two.)

“People can be pretty mean. Especially to nerds like you,” says Roman.

(Sixty-four.)

Logan thinks of predators stalking the school hallway and Patton rinsing paint off his clothes and his secret pocket’s zipper left wide open. And it all, finally, adds up, and he feels like an ant.

“Logan?” asks Patton, worried. “Are you okay?”

When you eliminate the impossible, Sherlock Holmes whispers in his ear, whatever remains must be the truth.

Hoodie Boy is looking at him with something like fear on his face.

“You’re…” he whispers. “Oh. Oh, no.”

And he slides down from the tree and takes off into the house like lightning.

Logan watches him go numbly, dropping the poster. Patton snatches it before it flutters away.

“Logan…?” he tries again.

“What’s the matter, Sherlock?” asks Roman, and Logan swallows. Lifts his head. Forces back his tears and smiles.

“I just solved the case,” he says shakily, and runs away.

* * *

He hears footsteps half an hour later, when he’s all cried out and is now slumped against his own fence a few streets away, going over multiplication tables in his head. He looks up to see Patton running towards him, his school satchel bumping against his leg, looking relieved and clutching Logan’s pencil. His flower is gone.

“There you are, Logan!” he calls as he spots him, and slows down, huffing a little. “I was looking all over for you, after I talked to Roman’s friend, of course, ’cause he looked really upset, and Roman was helping me out since I don’t know this area that well yet, but then his brother Thomas came and said he had to go – I like him, he’s nice – and then I was on my own and I still couldn’t find you so I used the deduction thing and figured you’d have… is this your house? It’s really pretty.”

He pauses to take in Logan’s silence before pulling off his satchel and sitting down next to him. “Are you feeling better?”

“No,” says Logan miserably. “I feel so stupid.”

“That’s a bad word,” points out Patton, pouting. “Anyway, you’re not stupid. You’re super cool and smart, remember? You’re like Sherlock Holmes but nicer.”

That makes Logan smile a bit. “Thanks.”

“Hey,” says Patton after a few seconds. “Princ— Roman said it was probably the mean guys at school who stole your Book. Right?”

He nods.

“I… I didn’t ask before. But… why’s it so important to you?”

Logan takes a deep breath, huffs it out in a long sigh, and says, “My father gave it to me.”

“Okay.”

“Before he died.”

“O-Oh,” Patton says, blinking. “I’m sorry.”

“He gave me his Sherlock Holmes books, too,” says Logan, staring at the pavement. “They made me really happy. And when he died I wanted to do something… I don’t know. Something to show him how grateful I was.”

That’s what the Book is. It’s his tribute. In it, Logan’s kept a long journal of his investigations, his little observations and facts from every day and his thoughts and theories about everything he can think of. His deductions, his adventures, the little mysteries like who lives in the house at the end of the lane. His personal entries, where he talks about Sherlock Holmes, and how it would be wonderful to not have messy feelings all the time and always be calm and never cry. And his letters to his father, which he’ll never let anyone read, because only his father ever understood how he was feeling and now that he’s gone, the idea that Logan can go to anyone else feels like betrayal.

So he writes. And writes. And wonders if his father can see what he’s writing.

Patton listens as he spills, and when he’s done offers him a hug, which Logan accepts.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Everything is going to be okay. We’ll get your Book back.”

“I hope so,” murmurs Logan, and thinks about tomorrow with dread.

* * *

Tomorrow arrives. Logan goes to school with rocks in his chest, and waits.

Patton finds him in between lessons, sneaking from his classroom to Logan’s and slipping him little gifts: a blue friendship bracelet, a papery orange leaf, a reassuring smile. None of these are his Book, but Logan appreciates them all the same.

When the bell signals recess, Logan drags himself out of the empty classroom, and that’s when he hears the commotion in the playground. Patton, who’d been waiting for him, gives him a worried look.

“Should we go and…?” he asks. Logan nods.

As they join the crowd, Patton squeezes Logan’s hand very hard as they spot the source of attention: the slide has been seized by three tall boys who have positioned themselves on the ladder, blocking it. One, in a painfully orange hoodie, is scowling at everyone; his friend, with a bright yellow bag, is smiling down at someone on the ground next to them, and Patton grips Logan’s sleeve.

“Oh, no,” he whispers. “That’s Declan. The one next to him is Alexander, and…”

The last of the three, perched at the very top of the slide and wearing a jade-green shirt and a twisted smile, needs no introduction for Logan. It’s Jason. Jason the mean one who laughed at him when he cried in class, and who’s now eyeing the boy on the ground with boredom as he lounges in his seat of power.

With a start, Logan realises the boy on the ground is Hoodie.

Their eyes meet. Something painful crosses Hoodie’s expression.

Then Logan hears Jason speak.

“Hey, look, he’s here!” he says loudly to the other three. “Sherlock Holmes. You’re late.”

Logan steps forward, unsteadily, and the crowd seems to melt away.

“You have something of mine,” he says, as calmly as he can. “I’d like it back.”

“Something of yours?” says Yellow – Declan – in mock surprise. “We have no idea what – oh, wait, does this belong to you, nerd?”

And he opens his bag and pulls out a book – Logan’s Book – and hands it up to Jason with a flourish, and Logan sees red.

“Give it back to me,” he snaps. “Now.”

“Is it private? Oh, dear,” hums Jason, thumbing through the pages tauntingly. “Hey, everybody, what do you think is inside?”

He opens the Book. Logan feels very cold.

“I’m warning you,” he says, voice cracking, and that’s as far as he gets before a voice pipes up behind him.

“Leave him alone!”

It’s Patton.

(Of course.)

“You guys are mean,” he yells, voice trembling, pushing to the front of the crowd. “You’re not funny, and you’re not cool, and you’re not nice people and you need to stop.”

Orange slides off the ladder and advances menacingly.

“What did you say to me?” he says, too calmly.

“I-I said…” falters Patton.

“He said you need to stop.”

Orange whirls around.

Hoodie’s jaw is tightly clenched. He’s shaking.

Jason’s glare is terrifying. “What the heck is wrong with you, Anxiety?”

“And he’s r-right,” blurts Hoodie, with a petrified glance at Patton. “You… you’re awful. G-Give the Book back. No one likes this.”

There’s silence for a deadly few seconds. Then Jason laughs, coldly.

“I always knew you were too stupid to hang with us, you brat.”

“Watch it,” says Logan darkly, and suddenly it’s three against three.

“You’re on their side now?” growls Orange, whom Logan has privately named Anger Issues. “I knew you couldn’t be trusted! Wimp! Loser!”

Hoodie takes one step back. Two. And turns and runs out of sight.

“HA!” spits Anger. “That’s right, you’d better—”

The next few moments are a blur.

Hoodie reappears at the top of the slide, behind Jason.

Snatches the Book.

Slides back down rapidly amidst screams. Ducks under the slide as Jason and Declan leap off.

Takes a running leap at the empty ladder. Scales it in a split-second.

Yells:

“Catch!”

And throws the Book.

Jason yells something. Logan stares at his Book as it soars overhead, beyond the crowd, impossible to catch.

Straight into a beaming Roman’s waiting arms.

Patton runs to the slide to help Hoodie down, but Logan is shoving through the crowd to get to Roman, who tosses him the Book and shouts, “Get your puffball friend!”

Logan turns and sees Patton struggling through the crowd with Hoodie in tow, and he sees Roman pull Hoodie free as he grabs Patton’s hand, and he sees something tall and green being blocked by a cheering crowd of classmates, and then all four of them run like the wind.

* * *

They end up hiding in the bathroom, because apparently that is where hiding happens.

“They’re gonna kill us,” whispers Hoodie, his whole body jittering.

“…Can’t,” puffs Logan. “They’re… in trouble. Already.”

“Big trouble,” whispers Patton. “They can’t bother us again. Thank you so much, you guys.”

Roman grins. “I barely did anything, Flower Power. Guess who did?”

They all look at Hoodie, who fidgets.

“I don’t know what to tell you guys,” he mumbles. “I only stuck with them for protection, y’know.”

“Well, you clearly don’t need protection—” says Logan, and then pauses.

“Oh. Right,” says Hoodie awkwardly. “My name’s… Virgil.”

Patton beams and hugs him.

“Thanks, Virgil! You were amazing!”

Everything is going to be okay, Logan thinks. People have his back.

Virgil smiles a little, then says shakily, “I can’t believe I did that.”

“I agree,” says Logan, cradling his Book. “That was genius.”

“I can believe it,” says Patton, smiling at Virgil, who smiles shyly back and pulls something pink out of his pocket. Patton’s flower.

“Yeah, well,” he says.

Roman laughs, sudden and bright. “We were awesome. And you!”

Virgil blushes. “You better stop annoying me now.”

“I’ve only just begun, my dear!” trills Roman joyfully.

“You’re so lucky I changed my mind.”

“You’re so lucky I love you,” returns Roman, and then he and Patton burst out laughing, and Virgil starts chuckling too.

Logan looks at his Book. He looks at the flower. He looks at his three new friends, giggling breathlessly at each other like they all share a ridiculous secret.

Sherlock missed out on this, he thinks, and does the same.

* * * * *

@just-fic-me-up

71 notes · View notes

animentality · 6 years

Text

brigitte’s shield bothers me

like she can stop a baby dva from getting in her mech, can stop moira’s ultimate, can stop pretty much every ultimate with a really low cool down for the shield bash.

i mean jesus.

she’s frustrating to play against.

mccree’s stun ability at least has a long cool down, but brigitte’s is up every 5 seconds.

and yeah, great, a healer who can survive flankers.

i agree on that.

but she has a 600 health shield that can block a fucking reinhardt ultimate.

it also can be used to stun someone every 5 seconds, and it’s easier to land shield bash that mccree’s flashbang.

i dunno.

i think that she’s just a really obnoxious hero right now, and it’s mostly because she regenerates health really fast, and she has a shield in your face most of the time anyway.

she’s a healing tank that just wrecks other tanks and makes it less fun to play reinhardt, dva, winston, or just...any tank because of the huge hitbox.

as like a dps, i mean....

you can’t tell me it’s fun trying to kill a hero who can just play so damn aggressive and not get punished for it.

i mean moira was frustrating too for a while, but her stupid instant slurp did very little damage mostly has to be paired with another damage ball to be really annoying and it’s not like the damage balls are on an insanely low cool down.

plus she has limited healing because of the way her healing regenerates once she’s out.

brigitte just has a cool down and she doesn’t have to exchange healing for damage at any time.

man i just hate how brigitte is in every comp game now.

i hate playing her because i just hate close-range combat and having to be swinging constantly, it just feels tiresome.

and i hate playing against her because

1) as a DPS, having to shatter the shield while she’s hardcore aggro in my face and my own healers are ignoring me or not helping, she’s frustrating.

2) as a tank, with healers ignoring me, she’s constantly stunning me and just beating ult charge and healing off of me. incredibly annoying.

3) as a healer, she’ll just be on me constantly. ana is essentially useless against the flail and shield. even if you get an anti heal, which you most likely won’t, she’ll still have the damn shield and the instant hit flail. same problem with lucio, what can your boops do? zen, again, pretty helpless other than outright just trying to damage brigitte’s shield and constantly regen. the only healer i’ve really effectively dealt with brigitte as, other than brigitte herself, is moira because the damage ball can get around the shield. but it’s still frustrating because if she chooses to focus a moira, there’s so little you can do.

like think about this.

moira can’t damage that shield nearly enough.

you can get your damage ball, but it does very little if brigitte is hitting you and constantly stunning you.

you can try to get away, but her shield bash is like, the same cool down as your fade, and she can easily hunt you down.

case in point, i just had a game where i was literally spawn camped by a brigitte and couldn’t do anything about it.

why?

because brigitte is only countered by sombra. And maybe pharah, i guess.

but every other dps is just fucked by that shield.

everyone else just has to handle getting constantly hit with the damn shield.

shield bash, more like..shield bash my face into my own computer.

#shes so annoying to play against #overwatch #brigitte

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this-book-has-been-loved · 6 years

Text

Of Robots and Rocketships: Chapter 2

For @platonicvldweek day 2: Lion / Lamb

Chapter 1

Read it on Ao3 | Read it on FFN

It was Katie who texted first.

Two days after the competition (two days of Hunk not wanting to be the first one to say anything cuz would that be seen as too clingy??) his phone went off.

Katie: hey! how’ve you been? dad said he was sorry he missed you

A thousand thoughts were running through his head. He stared at the message for a long time, mentally dissecting it, trying to think of how best to respond.

The last part especially stuck out to him, since it implied two very important things: firstly, that Katie (and Matt?) had told their dad about him--and secondly, that Dr Holt actually wanted to meet him.

Hunk took a deep breath, quelling his thoughts, before starting to type out a response.

Hunk: Hi! I’ve been pretty good, you? And I’m sorry your dad couldn’t make it too; maybe next time?

Okay. That was good, right? Open, friendly, not too eager—

He was taking this too seriously.

He flopped over backwards onto his bed with a groan. Why was this so hard?

Katie: unfortunately ‘next time’ isnt until next year unless youre going to robocup

Hunk: I don’t think so :/

Katie: boo

They went on like that a little longer, making small talk about the little things, the things they already knew about each other. After about half an hour, the conversation dwindled to a stop. And it was days before it was picked up again.

It started that way at first: brief conversations, making general small talk, testing the waters. As the months went by, they got more and more comfortable with each other; by the time winter melted into spring came around, they were texting nearly every day, about the smallest things.

Katie: what about ur dad?

Hunk: Oh actually I don’t have one

Katie: oh shoot im sorry

Hunk: No that’s not what I meant XD I don’t have a dad cuz I have two moms

Katie: OH

“So who’s Katie?”

Hunk glanced up at his mom in surprise. “What?”

She gestured towards his phone, which was sitting on the table a foot away from him while he read. “You got a text message, sweetie.”

Hunk lunged for his phone, opening the message in a rush.

Katie: random question: star wars or star trek?

“It’s that girl he met at the competition back in Flagstaff,” Mama called from the next room.

“Phoenix,” Hunk corrected offhandedly. “Flagstaff is where her school was from.”

Hunk: Aw come on, you can’t make me choose!

Katie: help me win an argument against my brother

Katie: help me obi wan kenobi youre my only hope

“Oh, you made a friend?” Mom continued. “That’s great! What’s she like?”

“Um,” Hunk mumbled, still distracted. “Well, she likes peanut butter. And peanut butter cookies? But not peanuts, she says they’re too dry.”

Hunk: I’m sorry Katie, I’m going to have to go with Star Trek. The tribbles episode owns my soul

Katie: I CANT BELIEVE THIS

“Oh!” Hunk added with a smile, setting his phone down and giving his mom a starry-eyed look. “And you’ll never guess who her dad is!”

Hunk: So...what’s up?

Katie: i am eating peanut butter by the spoonful and i couldnt be happier

Hunk: Sounds like a day well spent :P

Mid-February, Katie was in class, her phone in her lap hidden under her desk. She and Hunk only had an hour difference in time zones, but that still lead to schedule conflicts. Hunk had texted her when he got out for lunch; Katie, and hour later, was already back in class after her own lunch break.

But that didn’t stop her from continuing the conversation.

(It’s not like Mr Hedrick was teaching anything new, anyways.)

Hunk: I’ve actually been looking into the garrison application process. I’ve been wanting to go there for ages and I’ll finally be old enough this fall

Katie: !!!!!!!!!

Katie: DUDE YOU TOTALLY SHOULD

Hunk: I want to!! But the application is pretty intensive

Katie: aw come on i know you can do it

Hunk: Thanks ^_^

Hunk: What about you, are you you applying?

Katie: still too young *eyeroll* its still a few more years till i turn 16

Hunk: What??

Katie: dude im like 12

Katie: i turn 13 in april

It was a couple minutes before he responded, and Katie bit her tongue to keep herself from laughing out loud in the middle of class.

Hunk: But you’re in high school?

Hunk: I’ll be honest here, I thought we were the same age O.O

Katie: yeah i skipped 7th and 8th grade

Hunk: :O

Hunk: You’re like a little child genius or something

She stifled another laugh with a cough. She glanced up to make sure that the teacher hadn’t looked over, then went right back to her phone.

Katie: yeah thats what they told me

Katie: probably explains why this class is so fucking boring

Hunk: LANGUAGE

Hunk: Wait are you in class right now??

Katie: ....quite possibly

Hunk: Get off your phone, young lady, and pay attention!!

Katie: but i already know all thiiissssss

Hunk: Respect your elders

Katie: booooooo

Hunk: (•̀o•́)ง

Katie: omg you nerd

Katie: fiiiiine

Hunk: I’ll talk to you once you get home from school ^_^ ♥

She smiled down at her phone screen before closing out of the messages app. Part of her was tempted to just pull up something else—a book, or the web browser—but she stopped herself with a sigh. She turned off the phone, stuffing it into her back pocket.

Later.

Hunk: I just thought you were really short, I didn’t realize you were a BABY

Katie: i hate u

The Garrison application process was even more daunting when he was actually filling it out. In the past, when he would look it up online to mentally prepare himself for the day when he’d finally get to fill it out, it all seemed so easy.

But now, he was starting to think he was biting off more than he could chew.

Between the GPA requirements, the essay, the mechanical skills project, the letters of recommendation, the other essay, the entrance exam, the preliminary engineering classes—

It was a lot.

And it was especially a lot when he had to juggle all that in addition to his regular schoolwork. Hunk glared at the pre-calc textbook open on his desk until the numbers all swam together.

He groaned, slamming the book shut and leaning back in his chair.

His phone vibrated, and he reached for it blindly.

Katie: maybe a rover-type probe? like what you guys did for the comp. that was pretty good

Hunk let out a long slow exhale. The physical project was causing him the most trouble at the moment, having to prove his engineering prowess by building something all on his own. It was arguably the most important part of the application, and Hunk had no clue what to do for it.

Hunk: Yeah but if I’m going to get into the garrison then my project needs to be more than just GOOD

Katie: how about a robotic turtle

Hunk: ...why?

Katie: why not

Hunk: I can probably think of a few reasons

Katie: turtles are cool bro

Hunk: Fair enough

A weary smile had managed to break through his look of frustration. Hunk glanced back at the pre-calc book, then sighed again as he slowly opened it back up.

One thing at a time.

Katie: bro u should go to bed its 1am

Hunk: Which means it’s 2am for you, right?

Katie: yeaahhh but i drank coffee mixed with redbull a couple hours ago im good

Hunk: KATIE NO

Matt and Sam made a point to come home on the weekends, and it was an occasion that Katie relished in.

She spent her days in Matt’s room, lying on his bed and keeping him company while he worked at his desk. She had her phone open to the messages app, idly relaying her conversation with Hunk to her brother.

“Yeah, Hunk has been working on his application for the Garrison.”

“Really?” Matt asked, spinning in his office chair. “That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, he’s going in for engineering,” she continued. “I’m really excited for him.”

“Does he need a letter of rec?”

“Um, lemme ask,” she replied, already typing.

Katie: matt wants to know if u need a letter of rec

It was a bit before he responded, and she watched the typing bubble appear, then disappear, then appear again. She smirked.

Hunk: Oh my god

Hunk: We only met once, does he know me well enough?

Katie rolled her eyes, reading the message out loud to Matt.

“Psh, ‘course I do,” Matt said flippantly. “I got to see his work back at the competition, and that’s the most important part, if I’m being honest.”

Katie: dude. you guys talked for ages about engineering crap

Hunk: Oh gosh. I don’t want to inconvenience him at all.

“He says he doesn’t want to inconvenience you.”

Matt let out a long groan. “Oh come on, I’m already writing them for Alec and Luca, what’s one more? I like Hunk.” He paused, thinking. “Here, ya know what, give me the phone.” He grabbed the phone from Katie’s hands without waiting for her response.

“Hey,” she protested, but Matt merely shushed her and continued to type away.

“There,” Matt said with a smirk as he hit send. A minute later, the phone vibrated, and Matt cackled, already typing a response.

“What did you say?!” Katie demanded, lunging for the phone.

Matt easily evaded her reach. “You’ll see,” he said cryptically. “But I think I’ve gotten through to him.”

When the phone went off again, Matt let out a cheer. “Alright,” he said triumphantly, tossing the phone back to Katie. “We are a go!”

Hunk: Happy birthday!!! (＾▽＾)

Katie: im officially a teenager bitch!!

Hunk: LANGUAGE!

Hunk: Jeez Katie you’re a little baby, you shouldn’t be saying stuff like that, you’re practically an infant!!

Katie: fuck

Hunk: /_(0{}0)_\

It was the middle of dinner when her phone went off.

“Katie,” her mom scolded as the girl grabbed at her phone and opened the message.

Katie ignored her, waving her hand impatiently. “Shh, it’s important!”

“Katherine, what could possibly—”

Colleen was interrupted by Katie’s sudden squeak of excitement. “He got in!!!” she squealed.

“Hunk?” Matt asked, beaming. “That’s great!”

Across the table, Sam’s eyes had lit up. “Fantastic!” he proclaimed. “Tell him congratulations for me,” he said. “I look forward to working with him.”

“Careful,” Katie warned, already typing. “You’re gonna break him.”

Katie: dad says hes looking forward to working with you. he and matt wish you congratulations

Hunk: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hunk: Thank you!!!!!!!! ＼(≧▽≦)／

Katie: hunk.exe has stopped working

It was summer when the Galaxy Garrison officially announced the Kerberos mission, naming the daring crew of astronauts who’d be going on the shuttle, and setting a predicted launch date in September.

The announcement made every headline imaginable, national and international news, NASA, a blurb in Katie’s high school’s newsletter, and just about every online publication in existence.

Katie was doing her homework at time, her phone stashed at the bottom of her backpack. With her headphones in, she didn’t hear it vibrating, too engrossed in her chemistry work.

She had ten new messages by the time she closed her textbook and fished out her phone.

Hunk: DUDE!!!!!

Hunk: I JUST SAW THE NEWS

Hunk: KERBEROS??? THAT’S SO COOL!!!

Hunk: THIS IS SO COOL

Hunk: That’s literally BILLIONS OF MILES AWAY

Hunk: And IT’S A MANNED MISSION

Hunk: THE FARTHEST MANNED MISSION FROM EARTH

Hunk: THIS IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING OH MY GOD

Hunk: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR DAD AND YOUR BROTHER ARE GOING TO PLUTO THIS IS SO COOL

Hunk: Sorry for spamming I’m just REALLY EXCITED

She laughed, carrying her phone and her laptop onto her bed where she could stretch out more comfortably. She flopped over onto her back, holding the phone above her face.

Katie: oh did that get announced today???

Katie: theyve been planning for months im so jealous

Hunk: Aaaaaaa this is all so exciting!

Hunk: I’m just

Hunk: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Katie: same

Katie: kerberos must be so cool

Katie: hunk lets go to outer space

Hunk: Let’s do it

Garrison cadet move-in day was in mid-August.

She got his room assignment from her dad. He’d been more than happy to check the student records for her and send her a quick message with the hall name, floor, and room number.

Katie, not even 13-and-a-half, much too young to be one of the students moving in today, walked confidently down the halls, weaving in and out of parents and students.

Presently, she heard his voice up ahead, coming out of one of the many open door. An excited grin spreading across her face, she ran the last few yards to his room. Bracing her hands on the doorframe, she stuck her head into the room, shouting, “Surprise!”

Inside the room, Hunk yelped as he whirled around in shock. As soon as he caught sight of her, his guard dropped and he broke into a smile. “Katie!” He tackled her in a bear hug, lifting her off the ground.

Katie laughed. “It’s so good to see you again!”

“What are you doing here? Wait, no, stupid question.”

She giggled. “I came in with Dad and Matt. They went to do professional officey things, like boring adult paperwork or whatever.”

“Ah, the worst part of adulthood,” Hunk said, nodding sagely. “Don’t worry, Katie, you’ll understand when you’re older.”

She elbowed him. “Shut up.”

He laughed for a moment, and Katie realized that he wasn’t the only one in the room. Standing bemusedly by the closet was a woman who looked so much like Hunk she could only be his mother. She had a gentle smile on her face as she watched the two of them.

Hunk followed Katie’s gaze, and his eyes widened. “Oh, this is my mom,” he said, gesturing to the woman. “Or, well, you know. One of them.”

“Hi,” Katie said, holding out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Garrett.”

“Please, call me Lani,” the woman said, shaking Katie’s hand. “It’s lovely to finally meet you, Katie. Hunk has told me so much about you.”

“Good things, I hope,” Katie said, casting a dry glance at Hunk. He stuck his tongue out at her, and she stuck out hers at him.

“Only the best,” Lani reassured her with a wink.

“So how have you been?” Hunk asked. “It’s so good to see you! We should, like, hang out at some point and catch up.”

“Oh!” Katie interjected. “Mom told me to invite you guys over for dinner,” she added.

Hunk gasped, and Katie could have sworn she saw stars in his eyes. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously,” she echoed. “Please?”

“Yes! Absolutely!” Hunk cried. He looked over to his mom. “Right? That’s okay?”

Lani smiled at her son widely. “Of course, sweetie. I’ll go find Kiana.” She squeezed Katie on the shoulder as she walked past her to head out of the room.

“Dinner,” Hunk breathed. “With Doctor Samuel Holt.”

She snorted. “I promise you, he’s a normal person. Just kind of a nerd. But hey, I mean, so are you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Katie.”

Hunk: The Kerberos launch is only a couple weeks away, omg

Katie: i knowww im so jealous

Katie: i might just stowaway on the shuttle tbh

Hunk: That sounds potentially life-threatening, please do not

Hunk watched the Kerberos launch live on TV.

They’d only allowed family to watch from the ground, and though Katie had offered to try to sneak him in, he’d declined. Instead, he watched it on the massive projection screen that the Garrison had set up for students.

In some of the camera shots, he could make out the tiny purple-clad figure of Katie on the observation deck, standing beside her mother.

“This truly is a momentous day in human history,” the newscaster was saying. “If successful, the Kerberos Mission will mark the farthest that anyone has traveled from Earth. We’re making history here, folks.”

The launch was glorious. With a blast of fire and a cloud of smoke, the shuttle took off, the cameras trained on it all the way out of the atmosphere, until it was just a tiny speck against the blue of the sky. The crowd gathered in the Garrison commons room let out a cheer. Hunk’s roommate, an aspiring pilot named Lance, propped his elbow on Hunk’s shoulder.

“That’s gonna be us someday,” Lance told him with surprising conviction. “Seeing the stars, traveling to worlds never before seen.”

Hunk smiled. “I can’t wait.”

Hunk: Oh my god

Hunk: Katie I’m so sorry oh my god

Hunk: Are you okay?

Hunk: Sorry, stupid question

Hunk: Can I do anything to help?

Hunk: Katie?

✓ Read 11:17 PM

#platonicvldweek #platonic vld week #Voltron Legendary Defender #Voltron: Legendary Defender #voltron fanfiction #voltron #vld fanfiction #fanfiction #Katie Holt #Pidge Gunderson #Pidge Holt #Hunk Garrett #Matt Holt #Sam Holt #Lance McClain #Colleen Holt #Of Robots and Rocketships #my writing #mine

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