PSA.

Okay so. College thing has been hell. I have received no word about my grant sooo. No clue if I will be able to do next semester which means I can't register for classes. Which also means: I can't stay in the complex over summer break.

I have no family support. Zero. My family does not talk to me. My one irl friend is expecting and is already struggling to support herself. I do have a job at a pizza shop but i just started. Been trying to get at least food stamps but thats been hell too.

I have no State ID. So thats another pain.

All that being said: I am opening up writing commissions. I do not have set prices because honestly. I am willing to talk out a price. ANY bit helps, at least for food or something.

It looks like I will have no choice but to head to a homeless shelter. Which I hate. Not so much cause its a shelter, but because I have been in and out of those for a good chunk of my life.

I have been on my own since I was eighteen. I just want it to stop, this was supposed to open new doors. But my physical health has been fucked and by extension, my mental.

If you can't afford it, then honestly. Don't worry about it. Just spreading the word will help.

MY KOFI.

MAY I ASK WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO WORK FOR THE INQUISITION?

tim and bernard who break up and it's nothing big, no one cheated or anything. it's just their lifestyles didn't work out well together. tim cannot give up vigilantism currently and bear cannot handle the level of danger tim puts himself in. and on the other hand, tim cannot handle the fact that bear chooses to run into danger as an emt bc he already worries about everything but now he has to worry if he'll find his boyfriend convulsing from fear gas in a random alley but also bear who felt the life drain out of darla cannot stand the thought of not helping people and runs headfirst into dangerous situation after dangerous situation hoping that every person he saves can somehow make up for the fact that he could not save darla.

(he very pointedly does not think about the fact that there was nothing he could do because if he thinks about that, he'll spiral until they have to lock him in arkham too)

and so they break up but they were tim & bernard in high school and when they started dating they balanced out the worst of each other and they became tim&bernard. and everyone who knows them, knows that they're better together but they cant be together, they refuse actually because they cannot lose another person to the violence of gotham and by the time they figure out that they cant work together as long as the other is an emt or vigilante, it's too late for both them. they've already left too many pieces of themselves in each other.

tim still knows what bear means when he says "tim" in that exasperated voice. tim still goes boneless when he hears bear say "baby" in that firm tone. bear can still read tim like a book. he still knows the right way to massage tim's neck so that tim can go to sleep. everyone at the first responders gala knows not to bother ceo drake-wayne and senior emt dowd when they're talking.

(and if they're standing a little too close to each other than what is normal, who are they to judge? everyone knows that dowd and drake-wayne have history)

and if everyone on the night shift has caught red robin with his head tucked into the crook of emt dowd's neck as emt dowd runs a soothing hand up and down the vigilante's back, well then, they just quietly back away.

(after all, dowd's one of like, five, emts that can get the bats to receive medical treatment so if turning a blind eye to whatever the fuck they have going on is what allows them to give back to their heroes, then the night shift will do it every time)

and of course, tim and bear are practical people. they loved (love) each other sure, but when your lives are fundamentally incompatible, well, you cant get too stuck on the what-ifs, that's for sure. and so they do find love with other people and yeah, maybe it's not what they expected love to be when they first fell in love with each other. it's not the bubbly, stomach-swoopy, cant stop grinning, feeling that permeated tim&bernard's early days or the i Know you/you Know me that was their middle or the quiet despair that was their end but it is contentment. and in a life with as many losses as theirs, contentment is something they hold dearly

and they're happy! truly! but sometimes, at galas when they're making each other snort champagne out their noses or in darkened alleyways when their clothes are both stained with blood or at rallies for stricter gun regulations in gotham where they both sit too close to each other, fingers enclosed around each other in a death grip, when the presenters inevitably bring up grieves

(worst school shooting in gotham in decades, there's blood on their hands and blood in their mouths and darla is dead in between both of them and there is a chasm so wide that they are screaming to get their voices across and she will always be dead and maybe this had always been the problem that she is dead and there is no coming back from that and that there is blood on their hands and blood in their mouth and blood on their han-)

but sometimes, most especially on opposite sides of the street, as life pulls them in different directions, just sometimes, they see each other and just for a second, nothing too long, the flap of a hummingbird's wings, the time it takes to blink, an electron's orbital, they look at each other and for the briefest moment, blue on brown, a barely noticeable stutter in their steps, the space between heartbeats, because this is all they will give themselves because they do not dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens, or what-should-have-beens, or delusions of a softer world, their eyes meet and they think to themselves, god, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with him.

"It's just you now. Take care of mother."

i have the normal amount of emotions about them (lying) <3

Excuse the YouTuber in the corner I'm too lazy to switch to a different video but, it's probably a pretty easy conclusion to come to that KH might function off a somewhat stable time loop but nothing has really made it feel blatantly obvious than realizing that actually, since Ansem SoD sent Young Xehanort to Scala, that would mean there would have to be a starting timeline where the first SoD went back to start the loop, meaning there has to be a timeline where Xehanort never left Destiny Islands MEANING there has to be a timeline where SoD never existed, and as such neither did Xemnas and Terranort never happened along with basically everything else. So are we in fact confirming that KH does indeed function off a stable timeloop that never truly "started" somewhere and has just always been this way, or what in the world could have happened to still lead Xehanort to Scala without interference? Cuz now I have to wonder, if we're going by stable timeloop, then either Sora creates the tear in time every loop effectively creating endless ones over and over which could lead to a bigger problem(or not a problem at all if it's supposed to happen??) OR this is somehow the first deviation, which doesn't feel likely considering obviously Quadratum and Srelitizia being there seems to be decidedly factored into the equation here, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it hasn't been. Or maybe the problem is that Sora's genuinely not supposed to be there. Idk where I'm going anymore, but basically if time started somewhere and it hasn't always been a loop, how did we get HERE to the point in the screenshot where SoD/practically everything was able to exist to "create itself" essentially??? And I don't think that's possible without outside intervention, so it's gotta be a stable timeloop!

pre-holiday leave crumbs

What kind of date night out do you see Buddie doing?

i like to think that at the very beginning of their relationship, hopeless romantics as they both are, they go in optimistically thinking that they'll be able to regularly treat each other to lavish restaurants and fancy outings....and then reality sets in and they realize that shit. they're both firefighters with busy schedules and a kid. so then they playfully bicker a for a little while about whether doing the same things they’ve been doing for years as friends — grabbing breakfast together after shift, stopping at their favorite burger place after dropping chris off at his robotics competitions, putting on a movie together and using that as an excuse to make out until they fall asleep on the couch together — count as dates and of course, like the cheesy saps they are, they come to the conclusion that yes they are dates because what is a date if not spending time with the person you love?

so then from then on they prioritize doing those things as often as they can, except with an added focus on intimacy. because while they do spend a lot of time together, most of it is in the more clinical context of work, so when they're not on shift they just want to be close to one another. maybe buck brings eddie lunch after his basketball games and they sit by the beach and eat together. maybe eddie teaches buck one of his mom's family recipes, and then sits on the counter as he watches buck lovingly learn the taste of eddie's childhood home. maybe they they just knock back a couple of beers together with a movie in the background, neither of them paying attention to it as eddie listens to buck ramble on and on about anything and everything that's been going on in their lives. maybe they'll work out together in silence at the gym and then go home, sated and sweaty and get another type of workout in later. maybe buck takes eddie out on a drive with no destination in mind, simply for the sake of getting to spend that time together.

i also like to think that on occasion, when they do feel like going out together, their favorite thing to do is to try out every new thing under the sun — maybe they'll take a pottery class and they'll be absolutely terrible at it, but they'll love it anyway. maybe they'll try a new hiking trail and their knees will be sore and achy by the end of it. maybe eddie will take buck and chris camping, because they've never done that as a family. maybe they'll rock climb, or attempt to garden, or maybe buck drags eddie to another karaoke bar. idk. i just know that sometimes they'll love it, sometimes they'll hate it, but it's always worth it because their ultimate goal, after everything they've been through, is just to live out the rest of their lives together 💕

Evermore anon, I just reblogged @wavesoutbeingtossed’s brilliant posts of that exact theme! YES something about all of this and the weight of forever, the reality of a a future that forces a person to get truly philosophical about joining together two humans in such a final and intimate ceremony. That introspection can recomtextualize a lot of relationship stuff that maybe felt more symbolic or abstract until it’s Happening.

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

so I don't post local news, I usually avoid talking about where I live at all for privacy reasons, but Slovenia was hit by catastrophic flooding today and y'all. I'm lucky and safe no matter what, but it's really really bad. firefighters overwhelmed, army called in, people stranded on roofs, many parts of the country completely cut off, major highways flooded, even the two biggest cities (Ljubljana and Maribor) are completely disconnected from each other because there's not one safe road, problems with electricity and telecommunications in some areas, bridges destroyed, there were emergency news, etc, etc. just horrific, and the rain is not stopping.

there's barely anything in English so far, but have one article and a video:

and some local news sources for anyone who wants to try google translate: [1] [2]

anyway. holy fuck y'all.

ohohoho boy update. today at work it was just us doing cheese while everyone else pulled an ice cream order, and i was like hey if youre not busy saturday would you want to roadtrip with me? and i fully expected him to say no, but we are roadtripping to nebraska on saturday <3 <3 anyway what playlist do i put on in the car. do we trust him enough for get loose get looser

"A few weeks," she said again, willing it to be true. 

(AU HEADCANON DUMP UNDERNEATH...)

I gotta read more of Protectors sdfhkdjhgfk. I got to their farewell scene and then SLEPT ‘cause I ZOOOOOMED through The Eternal Tide hahaha. I guess I’d say that my CURRENT™ idea is that she finds out she’s [WHOOPSIES] the night before she leaves the fleet to return to Earth. (If it matters, there’s apparently like a three week interval between The Eternal Tide and Protectors where Chakotay and Janeway are essentially INSEPARABLE and sleep with each other every night haha. So perhaps somewhat unrealistically she’d be finding out VERY EARLY, but in the context of AU she’d have been inconveniently broaching her heat cycle around this time. And, despite taking every foreseeable precaution, suppressant, contraceptive, etc. prior to being intimate while on it, has the sneaking suspicion that none of these remedies effectively prevented her cycle from doing its job.) In the book it almost seems like she’s being evasive with Chakotay (If she isn’t just ride the AU interpretation high with me besties hahaha), they don’t sleep together, she catches up with Neelix and his wife in addition to chatting with Tom who ironically is ALSO expecting with B’Elanna, though I doubt either party would disclose this information to each other, likely it’ll get addressed later in the book hehe. I also find it funny that Chakotay takes note of the fact that he wakes up in bed alone and sweetly confronts her on it, but she kinda evades reasoning by listing all these excuses like being too busy visiting with Tom and Neelix. (I like to think she’d maybe have had some early onset morning sickness and THAT would set off the alarms and sneaking suspicions in her head hehe, but also inevitably the reason why she wasn’t in bed when he woke up.) But yes hohoho Kathryn and Chakotay say their goodbyes to one another, Chakotay mentions that if she’s in need of anything to then by all means contact him/the fleet, Kathryn defiantly says it’ll only be a few weeks til she returns, internally disputing any other alternative. She would choose not to tell him on their last day together, it’s cute too to take note of their goodbye kiss and how she lingers in it longer than Chakotay expects her to, I can twist that into her feeling like it’s the beginning of an end of something that only she knows about. :~)

NICO: WE SHARED THE LIFT THIS MORNING! I WAS GOING TO THE POOL TRAMPOLINE WITH MY TWO DAUGHTERS AND HE WAS GOING TO THE RACETRACK. PINKHAM: VERY DIFFERENT LIVES YOU'RE CURRENTLY LEADING.

idk where that post went that sorta referenced this feeling but i think it makes sense to me only that i was actually much more happier when i was admittedly depressed than me now who is striving to be happy. like yeah i am improving mentally but ill always miss the person i was when i was 12 - 15 Even Though the overall ruler of my life was my depression. ever since i tried to be "happy" and "cured" and healed or whatever after feeding myself these lies about happiness in life ive felt so devoid of life itself...like i just wanna go back when i found comfort and acceptance with my depression

People who insist cats can't survive a few hours outside of the house are so fascinating to me. Do they not let their kids out either? Do they dare leave the house themselves? Like I get the "cats kill protected wild birds" argument but the "my cat will die if I take my eyes off them" is just. Not true at all for most places in the world

no literally 😭 i agree i totally get the invasive species argument even though i don't give a fuck but like the idea that letting your cat outside is animal abuse is absolutely fucking insane to me

i love you adapt au its so fucked up and for like no reason at all !!