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acomposerofdreams-blog · 1 year

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There is, hopefully, only one conspiracy I ever bought into enough that could have been worrying. I distinctly remember the what, when, and how. The what: That the fluoride in our water supply allows for government mind control at worst, and makes us more docile at best. The when, 14 if I’m being kind to myself. Back when I believed I was significantly smarter and cleverer than I actually am. A CNN article I read on a high school computer because I thought that made me smarter than my fellow students who played games or tried to look up porn. Not much of a reason to feel superior, but I needed that feeling. Back when I was far more afraid about confronting what I actually am. Just average, maybe less so.

The article was fairly simple in its scope, the writer wanted to go into the subject with an open enough mind to listen to some of these conspiracy theorists. Quite respectable actually, I don’t think I have the patience for that. And one thing that the writer admitted… that he, and by extension I, had no idea what went into the process of preparing the water that comes out of our tap.What is the government doing to that water? What are companies doing to that water? And to the writer's credit he or she went into a fair bit of the details of that subject.

How water treatment plants remove pollution from industrial waste run off, how it removes our own excrement and piss before putting that water back into fresh water supplies or the ocean. It's quite an interesting process that is crucial to stopping diseases such as cholera. But again… I was 14 and in desperate need of an ego boost. So through the little bit of reading I actually paid attention to, a shame or I might have remembered the person’s name or the article title, I discovered a tiny bit of fluoride is added to the water heading into our tap. How much? Well until 2015 it was 1.2 grams per fluid liter of water. According to myself, who is not great at math, there is at most 1.2 parts fluoride for every thousand parts water. Which then went down in 2015 to .7 parts per thousand parts of water.

To illustrate that as best as I can, the average beer bottle is at most 385ml or 13 fluid ounces. So… if you took that beer bottle, filled it with water (I know, to many of you a travesty), you’d have a total of .27 ml of fluoride or .0091 fluid ounces in that bottle. To help you visualize that, half a raindrop of fluoride is in that beer bottle. One half of one raindrop.

Again, I was 14, and too afraid of being seen as common, or average, or worse… less than average . So I ignored the facts. I didn’t care, I felt smart, I was slightly more powerful than my fellow students to know that fluoride was added to the water before it entered my kitchen sink. I didn’t know what it was either, or at least I didn’t think I did. Thankfully I never dug deep enough into that rabbit hole to become completely immune to sense. So when I asked my parents what Fluoride was… they answered me seriously. It was the stuff the dentist used to finish cleaning my teeth, teeth that had no cavities in it because I regularly brushed my teeth with toothpaste that also contained fluoride.

From there the whole thing started to fall apart. If Fluoride was being used to make me more docile, why after regularly dosing myself with far more effective quantities than what was in tap water for my whole life… was I ready to “fight the power” over it? If it was really controlling my mind it wasn’t doing a very good job of it. I did take it a step farther, I went a week without brushing my teeth and for an entire day chose not to drink liquids of any kind. Cause maybe if I got it all out of my system it’d make sense to me, that I’d see behind the curtain and realize that I was right to believe this. I don’t know if my parents noticed that, but what I did notice… was that nothing changed. I was still… me, still myself, not as clever or smart as I thought I was. My eyes were open though, I could see myself as… average, maybe even less at the time.

It wasn’t until four years later that I came across the darker side of conspiracy theories, the abandonment of logic, often by people whom you would think have the intelligence to discern the truth.

My grandfather was a physicist, one with enough knowledge and skill in studying the world that he was part of the team that developed radar technology for America during the Cold War. The systems that are used to guide the missiles that could end the world at any moment was part of his resume. The man had a Marine bodyguard with him whenever he was out of the country, whose sole duty was to kill my grandfather in case the Soviets or Chinese wanted to steal the secrets to America’s radar detection network at the time. He is probably still the second smartest person I have ever met, and that’s of course admitting that I’m more biased towards his daughter, my mother. And he believed with absolute surety that now Former President Barack Obama wasn’t an American citizen and maybe a Muslim plant to destroy the nation. And I was too afraid to ask him why.

I don’t need to go into how that former President Obama is in fact a natural born citizen. Or at least I hope I shouldn’t have to? His father was an American citizen, who married a Keyan woman, who then gave birth to now former President Obama in Hawaii. These are… facts. As factual as the knowledge that your body needs water to live. That’s how deep the discussion had to go and there are still people who think that Obama was a Musilm immigrant who stole the Presidency away from Christianity, dealing a blow against the Christ loving people of America.

And my Grandfather might have been one of them. A man who I have admired for his wisdom and raw intelligence. Whom in spite of his coarse attitude from having a childhood that saw the Depression, World War 2, and had to raise children through the Cold War. Is a kind, and empathetic person that only now do I have the sense to see. Yet when this topic of conversation came up, I couldn’t tell you what my grandfather feared about then presidential candidate Barack Obama.

I could tell you what I was afraid of as an 18 year old fresh out of high school, I had a strong belief that those in the News media need to be brave enough to ask powerful people questions that challenge their points and beliefs of their viewers and those they talk to. I believe that even more so now. So as I watched so many journalists and people get swept up in the charisma, intelligence, and hype of Obama. I was afraid of what might happen if he could keep the level of control over the news during his presidency. An ultimately pointless fear, that was basically blown away after the first hundred or so days in office.

But for my Grandfather. That… wasn’t it, during the whole eight years I think at times he believed that President Obama was a secret Muslim agent, or incompetent, or hated the “American way”, but I don’t know. I know he was frustrated by some of the more absurd “scandals” of the Obama Presidency. Such as the Tan Suit incident, one of several fistbump incidents, the political “travesty” that was the Date Night scandal, and the death of the presidency because of ordering Di-jon mustard for his burger. But… he seemed to believe that all of that was a calculated distraction, to keep people from thinking about how dangerous Obama really was. And I have no idea why?

I’ll never get to know the reason either. He passed away while battling brain cancer a while ago. Leaving that question unanswerable.

That kind of fear I’ve come across again and again. Either in person or through observation. One of the most chilling ones was watching on the news thousands of angry, afraid, men chanting in Charlottesville Virginia “Jews will not replace us.” As of Writing this… that was almost seven years ago. Yet I still feel like I need to state that about .16% of the world population is Jewish. There are actually a million more Mormons in the world than Jews and I don’t see anyone stating the Mormons are going to replace us all. Yet fear would ignore that, fear has ignored that and likely still will. I wish I could sit some with some of these people and talk about why they choose to fear others. What is it that they’re afraid of themselves? That maybe their own feelings of inadequacy have everything to do with themselves and not others? That the failings in their life are in fact their own failings, or failings of people like them?

Fear given an easy out will always become hatred, and to give credit to my Grandfather. His fear never became that. Hatred was not something that came naturally to him. But were his fears about Obama hiding something else? Because my fear of Fluoride in the water was hiding my own insecurities about myself. Because at the end of the day… I, and you, and my Grandfather, are just themselves. I’m just me. Not as smart, not as special, as I think I am. I’m just… average. And isn’t that terrifying?

(Because this one requires some sources. Here’s the link to the google doc I wrote it all on with the sources attached. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DBiWEkxlCczxnIzXsfhu1txdklJJauMHW0inX17Zpdw/edit?usp=sharing

Enjoy!)

#my essays #rambling #conspiracy thoughts

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nostalgebraist · 2 years

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Here are some spoiler-ful thoughts on CxC. This will be kinda scattered, just trying to make sure I get everything noted down

Most of this is negative, so I should say at the outset that I liked a lot of stuff about CxC. It certainly gives you “much to think about,” as the kids say . . .

It’s hard for me to assess CxC’s overall quality without using Modern Cannibals as the bar for comparison.

This is frustrating, because “is CxC better or worse than MC?” is not a very interesting question. What matters is how good CxC is on its own. But the two novels share so much in common that it’s hard for me to escape this frame.

I liked CxC a lot on the micro level of individual scenes and chapters, but it failed for me as a whole. Maybe this is why the MC comparison feels so relevant. The two use a lot of the same building blocks, and feel very similar at close range. Zoomed out, CxC lacks the larger-scale structures I liked in MC, and doesn’t have its own suitable replacements for them.

What am I talking about? Stuff like

- Motion, change, momentum.

MC is one thing at the start, and another very different thing by the end, and there’s an engrossing trajectory from point A to point B. It builds and builds. There’s a continually rising sense of tension. Innocence turns into experience. Illusions are dispelled (or reified, depending on your reading).

Like . . . the odd, very specific brand of ambiguously-real half-nightmare-half-Looney-Tunes action that typifies the very end of MC is not there all the way through. The MC world isn’t just “like that” half the time for no particular reason; that stuff is thoughtfully coupled to specific events, themes, beats and characters (specifically Graves).

Whereas in CxC, we start out with one foot in the nightmare waters, right from the very first chapter, with Harper’s emptiness and amnesia. (”Emptiness and amnesia” are traits a person could simply have in a realistic novel, of course -- but that novel would look very different from the Harper-POV chapters of CxC. They ask to be read as symbol, metaphor, dream. She reads like a Kafka character, not a Final Fantasy sci-fi amnesiac, or a real victim of head trauma or something.)

Likewise, the CxC story moves in halts and jerks. It has a careful formal structure (the three parts, Mimmy’s death at the center, rise/fall of Soviet Union, etc), but while this pattern exists, it’s a pattern made out of not much happening for a while, some laborious foreshadowing (Letters to Mark, Dogshit’s literal Chekhov’s gun), then the foreshadowed thing abruptly happening, then some more not-much . . .

- Conflict that gets set up and then goes somewhere. The MC characters want things, and these wants conflict, and things happen as a result. In CxC, what conflicts exist between the characters are static and basically toothless, and when things happen it is for other, peripheral reasons.

(I realize this is all thematic and deliberate, so I’m not sure this one is really a criticism . . . insofar as it is, I guess I’m saying that the human story felt sort of lifeless even as a story about ennui? More on this below)

I agree with the related parts of this comment, which says it better than I have here.

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Earlier, I talked about how CxC is mottled over with “ambiguously-real nightmare stuff” from beginning to end, unlike MC where that stuff grew over time.

For me, this significantly dulled the effect of both sides -- of the parts that came close to realism (with Bavitz one never comes more than “close to” realism), and the parts that did not.

Consider the Harper-POV chapters as against the VdG-POV chapters.

VdG’s squalid existence in his freezing Detroit mansion is portrayed in a way that’s arguably over the top but essentially realistic. The bantering roommates huddling around a furnace are easy to read as just that, actual people in an actual house having the exchanges we see on the page; one could read the house, the furnace, the holster, the figure collection as symbol/metaphor, but this takes some mental effort and feels like going against the grain of the text. (This is reinforced by the fact that, when we first enter this setting, it’s framed as “the ugly, mundane reality of VdG and Sister’s real lives” in contrast with the dream/fantasy of the Consortium.)

Harper’s setting, when we first enter it, is the other way around. We could read her as a real-life amnesiac and, say, speculate about the neurology of her affliction -- but that feels like going against the grain, like writing a fanwiki about the legal system depicted in The Trial.

But Harper and VdG come into contact. And when this happens, VdG reacts to Harper by reading her “literally,” marveling over all the specific things she doesn’t know -- as anyone would, if they met such a person in real life.

This crossing of wires makes it increasingly difficult to wrest meaning out of either character’s situation. It’s a meeting between two immiscible levels of description, a crossover romance between Josef K and Sister Carrie. Reading Harper on her own, we might see her as a non-literal evocation of a “bored office worker.” But when VdG meets Harper, he doesn’t meet an aimless white-collar everywoman; he meets a bizarre, presumably somehow very sick woman who does not know how old she is, who has never heard of Covid-19.

And now we have to take her that way too, as a sci-fi amnesiac or an Oliver Sacks case study. But read that way, what exactly is Harper’s amnesia/emptiness doing, thematically? By the end, it felt like the book itself didn’t know what to do with it anymore.

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History has not ended. Did anyone think it had?

Royce did.

And are meant to think that VdG did, too. The words “history is ended” are associated with VdG from the start, and recur in his musings on art. But this is asserted, not really evoked or made real.

This post clarified some things for me, about Bavitz’s intent with the “history is ended” motif. But I don’t think the novel succeeded at realizing that intent.

Specifically, there is supposed to be a divide between the central pair, cocooned away from time / history / politics / the scraping of the cane, and everyone else, whose existence is inevitably political. Bavitz writes:

This passage, placed early on, introduces the specter of political and racial violence that affects most of the supporting characters of the story and that does not at all affect the two main characters of the story. Papimon cannot return to Thailand due to the 2014 coup, Sister had to flee Switzerland for an unspecified legal reason, Mimmy is desperate not to get sent back to New Zealand where her abusive mother is waiting, and even Mark, who seems like the whitest, most traditional status quo embodiment in the story, is a Rhodesian who would have been forced to leave the country he was born in when he was a child. The political violence these characters face is often sidelined, mentioned only in passing, because the perspective of the two main characters is myopic and displaced from any sense of time or place, any sense of political reality. Over the course of the story, that myopic viewpoint is challenged, culminating in Gramme’s participation in the George Floyd protests/riots that finally shatter his illusions. (Harper’s illusion, at least in this regard, is not shattered. In the final chapter she plans at length for an idyllic, timeless future even as wildfires encroach upon her.)

This totally makes sense; one can imagine a novel fitting this description; it is not, however, a description of the characters I remember from CxC.

Is Harper’s perspective myopic? Well, yes, extremely so -- but only via a sort of fantasy illness imposed upon her. She ignores politics only as a special case of ignoring everything, including simple, brute facts about her surroundings which she has no emotional reason to shield herself from. She does not flee from the political to the personal -- she doesn’t know the personal either! She does not know who she is; she lacks ambitions, even myopic or sheltered ones.

Is VdG’s perspective myopic? In a sense, yes? We mostly see him working, and thinking about his work. Either about the actual work itself, the lines and shapes, the hours spent on them -- or about the social and intellectual context of his vocation.

Is he sheltering himself from politics and history here? The diagnosis feels both too cruel, and simply off. He lives an economically marginal existence, thinks a lot about how he’ll scrape together the money he needs in the short term, and then thinks a lot about the labor he’ll have to do to make that happen.

When I look at VdG, shivering in squalor with Fletch and Dogshit and El-Marghichi (all of them politically marginal), spending most of his time working to make ends meet -- am I meant to see him as fundamentally like Harper (with her well-paid office job), and fundamentally unlike those shivering next to him? One could make this case! But the text of CxC does not, actually, make it.

And like, he’s a porn artist. By choice, sure, I guess, but he does not seem like a guy who could switch careers safely on a moment’s notice. The winds of politics, the ebb and flow of puritanism, the evolving public discourse over sex and gender -- surely these affect him, or could? As with Fletch, he may not think himself interested in politics, but politics is interested in him.

Back to VdG and “history is ended.” Is this an ideological belief of VdG’s? A stable idyll, after politics, after history -- does VdG want this, care about it?

Again, this is asserted, but not really shown. We’re occasionally reminded that VdG makes “videos,” and that he goes on (psuedo-)intellectual monologues in these videos, a la Royce. But we never see the videos, the way we see so much else. When they’re mentioned, they feel like tape hastily applied to the novel’s structure, a doomed attempt to secure the teetering “VdG - end of history” association in place.

Like, contrast VdG with Royce! Royce absolutely does go on psuedo-intellectual monologues, safe in masturbatory (!) isolation from any outside force, even the people he’s ostensibly conversing with. Cocooned away from any real knowledge of the subjects he opines on.

When we see Royce indifferent to police brutality, we believe it (and laugh, because a wonderful brick joke has just landed). When we see VdG indifferent to political repression . . . wait, do we even see that?

What we see is, uh . . . VdG helping Mimmy and El-Marghichi escape from it . . . VdG keeping real-life company with people whose existence is political, 100% of his real-life associates fitting this description . . . VdG hearing there are protests outside and racing out to join them . . . okay, yeah, and then there’s the whole bit where he imagines himself a detached observer and then gets beat up. But by this point, this feels like a long-planned story beat meant for a different character, one that VdG didn’t end up being.

This is weird, but I can’t un-see it: VdG and Royce feel like two halves of a single, thematically consistent character.

On his own, what exactly is Royce doing in the story? Like, he’s hilarious, but you could excise him entirely and not much would have to change.

But Royce really is the sheltered man -- in whom politics takes no interest -- that the book wants us to think VdG is. As if the full, ugly brunt of this trait was somehow displaced from VdG onto the harmless surface of a comedic, disposable side character.

When VdG says “history is ended,” he mostly means it in the context of his thoughts about art history. And can you really blame the guy for having some opinions about the thing he does all day to get by? While, elsewhere, Royce is having opinions about literally everything, informed by experience about approximately nothing.

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Another instance where the novel feels like it wants to have an MC-like dynamic arc, and doesn’t, and suffers from it: the Consortium.

The Consortium is meant to feel empty at the end, when it’s just Sister and Car circling one another, deserving one another.

But it feels just as empty at the start! It’s supposed to be an online community, but as far as I can remember, the only people we ever see in it are VdG, Sister, Car, and Alchemist. (Are there ever any other speaking roles in there? I’m not counting the receptionist, who I assumed was a bot.)

Mimmy used to be there, but isn’t now. Alchemist/Harper is a newcomer, viewed with intermittent wariness. So the Consortium community on the page is really just three people, talking to each other.

When one of these people temporarily leaves, the other two start complaining that it’s empty. But there was never anyone else there -- no one important enough to get a name, anyway, much less dialogue.

Maybe this was deliberate? Anyway, it confused me.

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Other misc. stuff:

- This is pedantic, but the book almost never uses the vocative comma, which I found distracting. Kept wondering if it was on purpose or not. (I thought that “almost never” was going to be a “never,” but then in Ch 38 we get “Enjoy it, Mark” a few times, right next to e.g. “But something will always be scraping at your back Mark.”)

- The RP scenes were really good!! I liked how the emotions of the roleplayers would subtly bleed through, which could easily have been overdone, but wasn’t. And how the scenes were actually hot. Not as in “I personally found them hot” (I didn’t . . . well, okay, I admit the Xenosaga riff one got me, a bit). But they felt like authentic depictions of something that someone would actually like, where another author might just have gone for gawking and/or comedy alone.

- There were some really fun bits of foreshadowing, or of information being conveyed first and then cast in a very different light later. I’m thinking of Mimmy’s offhand comment about “that drafty decrepit Detroit mansion with its upper floors commandeered by homeless people,” after the strange earlier description of (what VdG views as) “creatures.” (On that note, the weird literal-zombie-squatters thing deserves more comment, but this is already long.) Also, the guy Mimmy repeatedly notices outside her apartment turning out to be the author of the Letters to Mark.

- Stuff I’m still wondering about:

-- The falling chandelier. It apparently fell some time before the first mansion scene, but then its fall occurs in the fantasy-RP version of the mansion (transmuted into Villa Diodati), suggesting it had some symbolic importance to El-Marghichi. What really happened? Probably unknowable, unless I missed it.

-- The association between office-Mark and Mimmy (names, canes). Why? It’s very noticeable, but I have no idea what to make of it.

-- The red text when Royce quotes Jesus. This is a reference to the Biblical printing tradition where Christ’s words would be in red, but what’s it doing in the book? I assumed this was important at first, which set me off on this whole thing about Harper being an angel (”Harper Praise”). I felt clever about this idea but in the end there’s not much else in the book it can make sparks with.

#cockatiel x chameleon #modern cannibals

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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years

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pictured above: the stages of our morning (fierce tussling, followed by a quick nap, followed by some adorable snuggling).

I slept nine and a half hours last night by accident but I think my body needed it. job hunt + big life decisions are taking a lot out of me!! then I spent 9:30-12:45 writing an extension request for the grant and a salary negotiation/promotion request for my boss. that was a little nerve-wracking but I think she’ll be receptive. also having to write out a description of how my role has evolved was actually a very useful exercise! it made me realize that my job responsibilities really have increased significantly since I started three years ago, but my pay and title haven’t changed at all. fingers crossed it will go over well… and if it doesn’t, it just means I can move to seattle sooner.

some further job musing behind the cut…

here’s where my head is at right now:

I want to do well in my Monday afternoon interview and get an offer (partly so I have leverage in negotiations if needed) but I think that unless something really changes for me in that interview I am going to turn down the job. the woman I talked to who was in the role before me said the red tape of government work is even worse than academia and got so maddening she couldn’t stand it for more than a year. she had some positive things to say about the work itself + the team but said that the intensely bureaucratic culture meant that every project took forever. idk I know no job is perfect but I’m not sure it’s a great fit.

turning down that job (if I even get it) is a risk because I have no other offers or leads right now, apart from the possible extension on my current job… and that one is v much at the mercy of the very slow-moving foundation. multiple people have said it’s likely they’ll approve the request, but that’s also kinda what everyone thought about the full renewal and we know how that turned out!! so I think I am going to make myself continue actively applying for remote + seattle jobs so that I can at least feel like I’m working towards a backup plan.

if the one-year extension doesn’t come through and I don’t get another job offer before 9/1, I have about a month and a half of my ADD meds left + three months of my ultra expensive sleeping pills. since you can apply for COBRA retroactively, I think I will just plan to not have health insurance for that first month while I continue job searching. I guess I can apply for unemployment (I don’t really know how that works or how long it takes to get it…). the good news is the IRS owes me $2k from my tax refund + I will be getting get my vacation days paid out from my current job, so that should give me enough to live on for a bit without having to dip into savings.

or I also have some short-term options. there’s a job at my university that I know from a friend is desperate to hire a humanities PhD (for some reason they’ve had at least one failed search) so maybe I could take that last minute before the semester starts. or I could take a remote college admissions job and make good money for the season (downside is usually no benefits there so I’d be paying for meds out of pocket). both would be less than ideal for various reasons but better than not having a job.

I think right now my ideal situation is: I get my salary request approved, the foundation agrees to extend our grant, and I spend the year running the program while also building up some skills/experiences for going on the job market again. for instance I could take a grant writing course and get a certification for that & then maybe do some volunteer grant writing in my free time to build up a portfolio. or I could take on a freelance writing job or part time communications role, again to build up my portfolio. staying attached to a university also means I could also do lots of relevant free trainings there or even take advantage of tuition benefits to take a class… like I’d love to develop at least some basic quantitative analysis skills, or take a formal class in program evaluation/assessment. basically I think I could use the time in a focused way to make myself competitive for jobs in the future. but we will see. I am trying not to put any eggs in that basket right now.

okay okay. time to put all this away for the day, I think. I’d like to spend some time messing around with audio editing for this podcast to see if I can figure it out or if I need bec’s help lol. I’m kinda loosely in ideation phase for a new novel project but I’m trying to put minimal pressure on it right now and keep it really relaxed/open in my mind… too much other stuff taking up my emotional bandwidth right now and I don’t want to accidentally turn this project I’m intrigued by into another source of stress! ok ok BYE FOR NOW sorry I just gotta process my every thought and feeling aloud in my public diary.

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apollo-zero-one · 7 months

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I love my parents and they undeniably do a lot for me and as a member of this family I should be a team player and stick it out. But also. I think my life would genuinely be so much better if I cut my parents off from my bank account and moved out. They try both they are so fucking financially irresponsible and it is like actually ruining my life I think. And I know they have good intentions but when I mention maybe wanting to move out they immediately go on about how much harder it would be and how it involves so much more than just paying rent- okay! Teach me then! I am not allowed to see any of the bills in this household. That my entire paycheck and then some goes toward. I let my mom know I had a credit card and she asked to borrow it a handful of times and it is maxed out. My bank account is always negative because she has a debit card on it. I spend maybe $40 total every two weeks and I'm here feeling miserable and guilty about it because it's making my account so much more negative and she has purchased my baby sister a new backpack. Which is fine. It's not a bad thing, alone. It's just that it's all. The. Time. And my stepdad gets on her ass about it and that forces me to take her side even though I don't agree with her because He's Doing The Same Shit!! Worse even because he doesn't TELL US ANYTHING. We all agreed to cancel all of our subscriptions in an attempt to get out of the hole and who do I find watching fucking Hulu with his secret account he made separate from the family one. Bringing home individual snacks and drinks from the overpriced corner store- and getting pissy when I say he needs to cut it out. I'm not fucking saying you can't have snacks!! I'm saying buy them from the goddamn grocery store and divide them into baggies!! The cost of a party size bag of chips and a box of sandwich sized baggies is significantly less than the cost of one single serving bag of chips every day for a week and WE. ARE. IN. DEBT. I don't fucking understand how he's got negative a thousand dollars or fucking whatever and can justify this shit. And he's the one who is always bringing it up as if he isn't just as guilty as my mom! My brother has it right, he never tells our parents where he is, what he's doing, or how much he makes. They don't know how much he works or how much money he has and he is never reliably home so he isn't asked to do things. While I, I am sharing everything I have and I thought I was helping my family through a hard time but I think I'm just enabling their irresponsibility.

And I am currently trying to figure out how to talk to them about this without it turning into a fight. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay calm because I finally passed the threshold from defeated to just absolutely fucking seething. You are both nearly fifty fucking years old and it should not have been on me as your child to realize as my credit score tanks and my bank leaves me threatening voicemails that helping my family is financially irresponsible.

I love my family so much and it is hurting me so, so bad to get the perspective that they are a sinking ship dragging me down with them. There isn't, actually, anything I can do to help. Maybe if I do just fucking leave it'll be the kick in the ass they need to actually change. What are my other options? Lecturing them? Guilting them? Screaming at them? They already know I'm upset. Of course I'm upset.

And I'm not innocent of spending more than I should every now and then but it's never more than I was confident I had and it always was a punch to the gut when I wake up the next day and my account is hundreds of dollars negative because of something my mother did. I don't even fucking know what.

Yeah, living by myself might be hard, but at least I'll actually know and have control over everything going on. At least when my account goes negative I will know exactly why and be able to prevent it the next time. I can learn. I need to get out of this helpless, hopeless situation before it kills me.

#vent post #im sorry for doing so many lately #i am crying on the bathroom floor at the moment #long post #personal #tw depressing thoughts #tw depression #tw depressing stuff

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

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Dummy

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: Peter is the only one of the Avengers who doesn’t tease you for being a little slow

Masterlist

Now you weren’t exactly dumb.

You were just a little slow.

When you joined the Avengers last year, the team learned pretty quickly that your mind moved at a different pace than everyone else. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and it didn’t keep you from doing your job, it just meant you were the butt of most of the jokes. Every time one of your blunders happened, your intelligence would be mocked in some way. You knew it was all in good fun, but it hurt to it feelings every now and then. The only person who never poked fun at you was Peter. And for that reason, he was your favorite on the team.

“How are there 23 minutes left in this movie and I still don’t know any of the characters names?” Steve wondered as you all sat in the couch in Stark Towers, watching a movie on a particularly rainy afternoon.

“I think the main kids name is Phoenix. That’s all I got though.” Sam shook his head, just as confused as Steve.

“The dogs name is Benson.” Bucky mumbled quietly.

“Who names their kid Phoenix?” Peter wondered out loud as he shoveled popcorn into his mouth. The two of you were tucked into the corner of the couch, sharing a blanket and bowl of popcorn. You looked at him like he was crazy when you heard his question.

“Ummm, Joaquin Phoenix’s parents.” You scoffed and rolled your eyes. You turned your attention back to the movie as a silence settled in the room. You felt everyone’s eyes on you after a minute and looked around to see everyone staring at you with a dumbfounded expression.

“What?” You asked shyly, shrinking down a little in your seat in discomfort.

“That’s his last name.” Sam stated, chuckling a little under his breath. You realized your mistake and felt your face heat up.

“Oh.” You mumbled, your voice getting drowned out as the rest of the Avengers laughed at your expense.

“Did she really just say that?” Nat looked at the group with a playful smile. Everyone, excluding Peter, nodded as their laughter died down.

“Oh my God.” Steve chuckled. “That’s so stupid.”

There was that word again.

He didn’t mean it maliciously. Steve was the kinda of guy who ushered spiders into a magazine so he could let them outside. And yet, it still stung when he said that word.

Stupid.

You smiled sheepishly and tried to focus on the movie, snuggling closer to Peters side until it ended. You were fully aware that he was the only one who didn’t laugh, and you loved him that.

And maybe you loved him for a few other reasons too.

“Alright. Who has money for the subway?” Sam asked the group as he patted his empty pockets. You were on another late night trip to get cookies from a specific shop in Times Square, leaving without Tony’s knowledge. Everyones hands went to their pockets and collectively made a face.

“Not me.” Rhodey shrugged.

“I don’t have any.” Bruce added.

“I don’t even have pockets.” Nat realized.

“I have gum.” Peter proudly produced a silver wrapper from his pocket. “Oh wait, it’s just a wrapper.”

“You’re telling me we’re earth’s mightiest heroes and we’re broke?” Sam shook his head is disdain.

“I gave my last dollar to a guy in the subway for playing music.” Peter defended himself.

“What was he playing?” You asked him as you tiredly leaned against his arm.

“A mandolin.” Peter answered, making your face scrunch up.

“That’s a language.” You laughed at him slightly, feeling empowered by having the upper hand. Everyone looked at you and a few of them snorted.

“Mandarin is a language.” Bruce said gently, not wanting to embarrass you further. “Not mandolin.”

“What?” You blinked in confusion and looked to Peter for answers.

“A mandolin is an instrument, dummy.” Sam chortled. You smiled tightly as the group laughed at your mistake, looking down to hide your blush.

“Oh. Sorry. My bad.” You laughed shyly as you tucked your hair behind your ear and pretending to read a nearby sign.

“That’s okay.” Peter spoke up in your defense. “They sound really similar. Plus like, French, French Horn. Who knows what’s going on?”

“Yeah.” Bucky said softly. “Or like, bra’s aren’t pointy anymore.”

Bruce nodded like it made perfect sense and Sam just shook his head as he texted.

“What?” You whispered to Peter, not knowing what he meant.

“He’s from the 1920s. He’s still adjusting.” Peter whispered to you out of the corner of his mouth before looking at Bucky. “That’s the spirit. Kind of.”

“FRIDAY is sending a car.” Sam informed the group. “This is never happening again. The cookies aren’t that good.”

“They’re pretty good.” Rhodey shrugged, but wanting the late Nate tradition to end. Sam looked at him for a moment before breaking into a smile.

“Hell yeah they are. Let’s do this again tomorrow.”

Bruce found you in the lab the next day with a pin between your teeth and a pencil behind your ear. Papers with drawings of suits were scattered around the table as you measured a piece of black fabric.

“What are you doing?” Bruce wondered as he took a seat across from you. You glanced up at him before marking a dot on the fabric.

“Mr. Stark asked me to help him with the new suits. I’m trying to make a fabric template for Nat’s gloves.” You told him as you smoothed the fabric out.

“Is it hard?” He asked, watching you intently as you worked.

“Not really.” You shrugged and took a step back to examine your work. “Okay. How many holes do we need? 1,2,3,4,5.” You counted your fingers. “Okay. Five holes.”

You sat back down and put five dots where her fingers would be to mark where you had to cut. You heard a slight chuckle from Bruce and looked up at him curiously.

“Did you just count your fingers?” He asked slowly, wanting to make sure he saw what he thought he had. “To know how many fingers Nat has?”

Your face burned when you realized how dumb you looked, in front of a scientific genius no less.

“Oh, Uh, yeah.” You stammered, feeling very insecure with him watching you now. You moved slower than before and second guessed moves you’d already made a hundred times. Bruce sensed your discomfort and got out of his seat, tapping the table twice as he thought.

“Have you ever heard the expression “the lights are on but nobody’s home’?” He asked you and you were grateful he changed the subject.

“Yeah, I think I have.” You smiled, proud of yourself for knowing something.

“It reminds me of you.” Bruce said so politely that you didn’t realize it was an insult at first. He left the lab to find Tony, leaving you feeling embarrassed and a little hurt. Everyone knew Bruce could hurt you ten times worse with his words than the Hulk could with his fists, you’d just never been his target before. You slumped down in your seat and continued making the gloves, your mood significantly dampened from before he came in the room.

You walked into the kitchen the next morning, sleepily rubbing your eyes. You pressed a chaste kiss on Peters shoulder as you passed him, also more affectionate to your best friend when you were half asleep. You smiled at Rhodey, who was seated at the bar and skimming through a newspaper.

“Did you eat yet?” You asked him through a yawn as you got out yogurt and fruit for yourself.

“No. I needed my coffee first.” He smiled sleepily at you and held up his mug.

“Oh, you mean your sugar with a spoonful of coffee?” You teased him. “Yeah, it’s good you got that out of the way.”

“I prefer it this way. The sugar wakes me up.” Peter defended his drink as he took a sip.

“That’s what the caffeine is supposed to do, mi amor.” You laughed as you ruffled his bed head ridden hair. He was about to make a comeback when his stomach rumbles loudly.

“Someone’s hungry.” You remarked. “Do you want eggs?”

“No thanks.” Peter shook his head. “I can’t eat eggs alone.”

“Well I’m here. And Rhodey’s right there, so you’re not alone.” You told him. “And I can grab Steve and Bucky. They’re just in the other room.”

Rhodey looked up from his newspaper with raised eyebrows and looked at Peter. Peter set his mug down and made a face at Rhodey that told him not to say anything. You looked between the two of them in confusion as you wondered what was going on.

“I meant alone as in without toast, sweetness.” Peter said gently, not wanting you to feel dumb for misunderstanding. “But I am glad you’re here.”

“Oh.” You faked a smile and shrugged like it was no big deal. Peter had handled the situation with ease and you didn’t feel as embarrassed as you normally would. That is until…

“You know, Y/n, it’s a good thing you’re pretty.” Rhodey nodded before going back to his newspaper. You froze with your spoonful of yogurt midway to your mouth and looked at him. He didn’t actually call you dumb, but it was implied. You looked at Peter to see if he was thinking the same thing, but his face had nothing but kindness on it.

“You are pretty.” He agreed with Rhodey. “But you’re a lot of other things too.”

You cracked a smile and rubbed his back for a moment in appreciation.

“Thanks Peter.” You said softly and went back to your breakfast. Not wanting to worry him, you ignored the way Rhodey’s comment made you feel and tried to push it from your mind. But no hard you tried to focus on other things, you had one thought prodding at the back of your head.

You were dumb.

A week went by without anyone poking fun at your intelligence. You had a sneaking suspicion Peter had something to do with the lack of comments, but you said nothing. It was nice to have a break from all the teasing and it made hanging out with the team more enjoyable. You all lingered around the kitchen one day, eating all different kinds of lunch when Tony came in the room.

“Eat up, funky bunch.” He clapped his hands. “We have a mission in Alaska to train for and I need all hands on deck. Cap, do you think you can teach Peter that spinny thingy you do?”

“I can try.” Steve looked at Peter and nodded.

“Great. I’m getting a manicure. I’ll be back around noon.” Tony informed you all.

“Wait, I thought you said all hands on deck.” You tilted your head at him.

“I did. Which I why I have to make sure my hands look the best.” Tony waved flirtatiously, wiggling his fingers around like a teenage girl. He smirked as his action was met with some eye rolls and a few chuckles before leaving the room.

“I can’t believe we’re going to Alaska.” Peter nudged you excitedly and you smiled with glee.

“Is Alaska the same as the North Pole? Or am I thinking of Antarctica?” Sam wondered out loud.

“No. The North Pole is all the way at the top. Alaska is below California. Like by Texas.” You said confidently, proud that you knew information that someone else didn’t. Your pride quickly dissipated when you saw the teams faces twist in amusement.

“Wait a minute.” Steve looked at you like you were joking. You shrugged, letting him know you weren’t. Sam burst out laughing and clapped his hands as the rest of the team began to laugh.

“Absolutely not.” Sam grinned as he wiped a tear from his eye.

“Yes it is.” You insisted. “Look at any US map. It’s on the bottom by Hawaii.”

You were getting angry now. You knew you were right this time and they were still teasing you.

“No.” Bucky shook his head is dismissal. “No.”

“Alaska is below California on every map I’ve ever seen. You’re telling me I’m wrong?” You our your hand on your hip and stared at them.

“100%. I am 100% telling you you’re wrong.” Sam said between his laughter. Peter came to your side and showed you a picture of a map on his phone.

“Alaska is US territory but it’s not connected to the rest of the states. They just put it below California on maps to show it’s a part of the US. Thats not actually where it’s located.” He said quietly. You looked at the map for a few seconds before you realized he was right. And if he was right…

You were wrong.

“Oh.” You smiled apologetically and averted your eyes. “Oops.”

You turned around and pretending to clean up the kitchen to hide your searing blush. Your fingers clenched around your sponge when you heard the teasing laughter from behind you.

“Sometimes I wonder how you made it out of high school.” Steve joked as he threw out the crusts of his sandwich. The comment stung you and you began to scrub the counter faster so you could leave the room sooner. Peter could see your shoulders tense and put a reassuring hand on your back. You gave him a tight lipped smiled before putting your dish in the sink.

“I’m still wondering how she made it out of first grade.” Nat teased you and she poked your side.

“I can’t believe she made it out of the womb in the first place with nobody telling her where to go.” Sam said, making everyone laugh loudly. You abruptly threw a dish in the sink, making everyone go silent. You tuned around slowly and faked a smile.

“Haha. Yeah.” You forced a laugh. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

You swiftly left the room before anyone could catch your tears. You felt stupid for even getting upset over it, but their words hurt. Feeling like you were always the dumbest person in the room was taking a toll on you, especially when you weren’t the only one who felt that way. Peter watched you leave with sympathetic eyes, feeling his own frustration bubble at the sound of the team laughing at you. He thought they had listened the first time he told them to stop making fun of you, but they clearly hadn’t. After seeing the pained look on your face, Peter made a decision.

It was never going to happen again.

“Ugh. I’m never gonna get this right.” Peter groaned as he messed up the move Steve was trying to teach him once again.

“You’re getting too much inside your head. Just let it happen naturally.” Steve instructed as he resumed his stance. Peter tried the move again, wiping out and landing on his side with a thud. You watched him out of the corner of your eye as you spared with Nat.

“I can’t.” Peter got up and rubbed his arm. “I can’t do it.”

Steve nodded, like he was accepting Peters defeat. You stopped sparing and looked at Peter.

“Yes you can. Come on, Peter.” You encouraged him. “Everyone told Van Gogh that he couldn’t be an artist because he only had one ear but he did it anyway.”

The room feel silent, as it often did when you spoke, and everyone looked down.

“Oh dear Lord.” Rhodey sighed and hung his head and he snickered. You could see everyone else fighting back laughter or cracking a smile, yet saying nothing.

“What?” You crossed your arms in annoyance, looming to Peter for help.

“He chopped his ear off after becoming an artist.” Peter said kindly. “He wasn’t born without one.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but Tony beat you to it.

“Speaking of ears, do you think of you shone a light in one of Y/n’s ears, it would come out the other ear?” Tony quipped, making everyone laugh. The tips of your ears burned as that feeling of stupidity sunk in again. You undid the Velcro on your boxing gloves and pretended to wipe sweat from your face as you rushed to the bin where the gloves went. You kept your back to the group and pretending to be putting your gloves away when you were really concealing your pained expression.

“Yes.” Nat jeered. “Yes I do.”

Your shoulders slumped with exhaustion as you turned around, making every effort to keep your face neutral. Your face didn’t give away any signs of sadness, but your knuckles turning white from how hard you were gripping the bin gave your true feelings away. Peter noticed this and felt his jaw clench. If you weren’t gonna tell them to stop, he was.

“Leave her alone, guys.” He commanded the crowd before looking at you. “Thanks for the encouragement, Y/n. I’m gonna keep trying.”

“It’s fine.” You nodded curtly. “I’m gonna hit the showers. I’ll see you guys at dinner.”

You walked out of the gym, pausing in place when you heard Sams voice.

“Hit the showers?” He laughed. “We just started.”

“Shhh. Don’t confuse the poor girl any further.” Bruce joked back. You looked back at the gym with your eyebrows knit together, taking a quiet step closer to hear what they were saying about you without you there.

“She’s probably like, ‘whats this magic closet that makes rain?’” Rhodey imitated your voice, making you sound as dense as possible.

“Knock it off guys. It’s not funny.” Peter snapped, but the teasing continued.

“Or like, ‘this shampoo says it adds volume, but I used it and I can’t hear any louder than before’.” Tony mocked you, skipping around a little like a child. Your face contorted in misery as they made fun of you. You knew who they really were, and they were good people. They didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, they were only joking around like they did with everyone. Steve was teased all the time for his old fashioned dialect and no one lets Tony live down the kimono incident. Still, all their insults and mockery cut you like a knife.

“Ahh, I love that girl.” Nat shook her head with a smile. “She’s so dumb.”

“She may be slow, but she’s entertaining as hell.” Sam nodded in agreement.

“I said knock it off.” Peter repeated, getting a reaction this time.

“Aw. Peters mad because we’re teasing his girlfriend.” Nat pouted and pinched Peters cheek. She quickly realized how wholesome she was being and punched Bucky in the face to maintain her lethal assassin persona.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Peter grumbled. Now that you were out of the room, he was the next target.

“He’s right. Hey, maybe that’s why you guys haven’t gotten together yet.” Rhodey shrugged. “She’s too stupid to realize you’re in love with her.”

That was all you had to hear. You ran towards your with tears running down your face. Thanks to Peters advanced heating, he heard every heavy footstep.

“Okay. Maybe she is a little slow.” Peter shook his head in disdain at the team. “But you guys are idiots.”

You were quiet the entire way to Alaska, keeping to yourself and silently looking out the window. Peter attempted to talk to you once or twice, but he could tell you wanted to be alone. The Avengers completed the mission within a few hours with minor damage to the area. Peter focused on his job but found himself looking for you every now and then, being as you usually stayed together during missions. He didn’t see you anywhere and assumed you were doing your own thing on the other side of the field. He heart rest assured when he saw you boarding the jet, still looking reserved and aloof from the rest of the team. You took a seat by the window and rested your chin on your hand, looking out at the bleak landscape in front of you as the jet took off. Peter didn’t engage in small talk with the rest of the team and wistfully stared at you instead, silently willing you to cheer up.

“I think that went pretty well.” Rhodey nodded and the team agreed. “But where were you the whole time, Y/n? Picking daisies?”

Peter held his breath as you slowly turned around. You gave Rhodey a frigid smile and shook your head.

“We came during a blizzard so I used my powers to create a heated force field around the area we were in to prevent frostbite and give you guys and easier time seeing in the snow. We were also at a higher altitude than any of us are used to so I kept the air pressure to sea level standard.” You said simply. “And I assumed there would be smoke from the battle so I rounded up the nearby animals and made a separate for field around them to protect their lungs.”

The room went silent, something you were used to at this point. But instead of everyone falling silent because they were laughing at you, they were impressed.

“Oh.” Rhodey blinked in surprise, not expecting the answer he was given.

“I also picked this flower.” You smiled proudly as you produced a Forget Me Not from your lap. Peter couldn’t keep the grin from breaking through on his face. You were the center of attention once again, but in a good way this time. Everyone was pleasantly surprised with what you had done and it showed.

“I didn’t think about the altitude.” Nat realized.

“I had no idea there was a blizzard.” Steve added, looking dumbfounded.

“Because I kept you from knowing.” You shrugged. “I wanted you guys to focus on the mission.”

“I mean, I knew. I just didn’t tell you guys because I was so distracted by my buffed and polished nails.” Tony twiddled his fingers again, showing off his freshly manicured nails. You all laughed, breaking the tension in the jet.

“Well look at that.” Sam looked impressed. “Y/n knew something we didn’t.”

It was almost a compliment, but it still made you feel insecure. You didn’t want it to be this mind boggling every time you did something useful.

“Thanks, Y/n. That was really smart.” Peter said softly as he patted your knee. You put your hand over his and squeezed it. It was the first time someone called your smart, and it made you feel good.

“It was really smart.” Sam said skeptically. He stared at you for a moment before poking your side.

“What are you doing?” You swatted his hand away.

“Just making sure you’re still in there.” He eyed you suspiciously. Peter could sense the attention was making you uncomfortable and changed the subject.

“Are we almost home?” He asked Tony before peering out the window. The flight was a little over 7 hours on a normal plane, but the Stark jet was much quicker. The flight would only take a few hours, but Peter was not known for being patient.

“Yes, Peter. We are almost back at the tower. You can get your diaper changed and your bottle as soon as we get back.” Tony sassed him, making him shrink in his seat. Your body language had completely changed and your were now sitting straight, facing the group. Peter was glad you were feeling better and didn’t even mind Tony’s comment.

“Guys, let’s be civil. We’re all tired. We all want to get home.” You said calmly. “Let’s just focus on how pretty the sky looks tonight. Isn’t is pretty, Peter?”

He gazed at your profile as you looked out the window at the stars, admiring how pretty you looked from the side.

“Yeah. It’s beautiful.” He conceded without ever taking his eyes off you. You shot him a smile before looking straight ahead at the dashboard.

“Wow, the moon is huge!” You pointed time a large yellow crescent that could be seen through the window.

“That’s literally the reflection of my banana on the windshield.” Tony deadpanned. He may have been right, but it still looked pretty.

“Should we make a wish?” You asked Peter, ignoring Tony’s comment.

“On the banana?” He asked.

“Yes.” You nodded. “On the banana.”

“Why?” Rhodey asked. “It’s not like people wish on the moon.”

“It feels like we should.” You said with confidence.

“Yep. She’s still in there.” Sam chuckled. And just like that, your confidence receded.

“I hate it here.” Bucky sighed heavily and tuned out of the conversation.

“It must be so peaceful being you, Y/n.” Tony remarked.

“Why do you say that?” You wondered.

“Because instead of thinking about your problems and mistrials, you simply don’t think at all.” Tony said suavely. In only a better for minutes, you’d gone from being the hero to the laughing stock of the group. The sly comments and taunting laughter made you feel like you should stop opening your mouth entirely. You faked a smile and turned back towards the window, tuning out the rest of the way home. Peter chewed his lip as he stared at you, feeling useless to helping you out. The team just wouldn’t let up, no matter how many times he told them to stop. Knowing you weren’t in the mood to talk, he scooted closer to you and put a comforting hand on your back. You smiled warmly at him and rested your head on his shoulder, listening to him point out the constellations the whole way home.

The next day, you and Peter were sitting in the balcony, working on some new gadgets for Mr. Stark when Peter made a startling discovery.

“Where’s my right web shooter?” Peter stood up in a panic when he realized it was missing. “I left it right here.”

“Maybe a bird carried it off.” You shrugged as you twisted a tiny screw into Peters left web shooter.

“I’m being serious, Y/n.” Peter stated. “Mr. Stark is going to kill me and turn me into a decorative rug if I lost it.”

“I’m being serious too. We live in New York and I see birds around here all the time.” You told him as you continued your work. “And you know the pigeons here are feral. A bird probably stole it to pay for his child support.”

Peter usually entertained your antics and joined in with his own batch of sarcasm, but he wasn’t in the mood. His web shooter was missing and their were actual stakes involved. Without his web shooter, he couldn’t be Spiderman. And without Spider-Man, he couldn’t be an Avenger.

“Can you be serious for once?“ Peter whined, picking up everything on the table to look under it.

“I’m just saying it’s possible, Peter. You never know.” You insisted as you put your screw driver down to help him look. You began looking in the flower pots on the windowsill that you and Peter had planted. Peter stopped his search for a moment, growing angry with you for wasting time. He didn’t know if you were joking around or genuine believed his web shooter was in the flower pots, but it made him frustrated nonetheless. A combination of his lack of sleep and stress over losing the webshooter manifested into a moment of unchecked rage.

“No, it’s not possible.” He snapped. “A bird didn’t steal my web shooter. God, do you have to be so stupid?”

The word hung in the air for a moment, settling in to the both of you. Peters eyes immediately softened, feeling instant regret for what he had said. You stopped trifling through the plants and slowly turned around.

“What?” You asked quietly. Peter tightened his lips into a line and tried to justify what he had said.

“I try to defend you but you make it so hard. Can you help me out a little here and not be so…” He trailed off when he realized he had only made it worse. Your face hardened and you looked disappointed in Peter, which killed him. He would have preferred anger or even sadness, but the disappointment killed him.

“So what?” You shrugged. “Finish your sentence Peter.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“No, really, go ahead.” You stated coldly. “You got this far. So what, Peter?”

He looked at you for a moment, getting that feeling of wishing you could turn back time just a few seconds to fix a mistake.

“So dumb all the time.” He finished his sentence with an unsteady voice. Your face scrunched up in a pained expression as you sucked in and let out a shaky breath.

“You were the only one who never called me that.” You whimpered before moving past him and going inside. Peter watched you through the open balcony doors as you disappeared into the hallway with a heavy heart. His mouth was open to apologize, but you were long gone. He’d seen you being ridiculed so many times already, and now he was the one doing it. All that talk about it never happening again, only for him to be the reason it happened. Peter couldn’t live with himself for another minute without you knowing how sorry he was. He took a step towards the doorway until he heard a pigeon land on the table. He watched it curiously for a moment as it pecked at the screwdriver you had been using before picking it up with its beak. It flew over to the edge and began to walk along the railing, still keeping the screwdriver in his mouth. Peter followed the pigeon, walking all the way down the balcony to find a large nest in the corner. He watched as it dropped the screwdriver into its nest, right next to his web shooter.

“Holy shit. A bird stole my web shooter.” Peter said in disbelief. Peter watched as baby pigeons poked out from inside the web shooter to greet the other pigeon.

“Holy shit. A bird stole my web shooter for his kids.” Peters eyes widened even more than they already were. Realized struck him and his shoulders slumped.

“She was right.” He mumbled, angry at himself more than ever. “I yelled at her and she was right.”

Peter wasted no time in rescuing his web shooter from the birds, offering them a nice biodegradable coffee cup in its place, and ran to the kitchen to make you a peace offering. He knocked softly on your door and didn’t wait for an answer before going in.

“I made you this cup of tea as an apology.” Peter stiffly held out a mug with an awkward smile on his face. You looked at Peter from your bed, eyes puffy like you had been crying. You stared at each other for a long time, you with a death glare and Peter with his awkward smile. Neither of you said a word as Peter continued to hold out the mug. After two full minute of silence, a bead of sweat ran down Peters face as he looked around nervously, never breaking his smile. You let out an angry sigh and decided to throw him a bone, crossing the room to accept his mug. You looked into the cup for a moment before looking back at Peter.

“This is empty.” You deadpanned.

“I don’t know how to make tea.” Peter whispered, never breaking eye contact.

“I’ve seen you make it.” You snapped.

“I forgot how to do it.” Peters eyes shifted nervously to the side.

“Bucky was in the kitchen, wasn’t he?”

“I know he hates me.” Peter talked over you as you groaned. “I know he does.”

“Just go away.” You tried to close the door but he kept it open.

“No.” Peter said firmly. “I came in here to apologize.”

“You see this?” You held up the mug for a Peter to see. “It’s my cup of care. And look at that” ,you dumped the cup over, “it’s empty.”

Peter stared at your demonstration with raised eyebrows, surprised that you were still able to be sarcastic when he hurt you. Peter took the mug from your hands and set it on the ground before slowly looking up at your face.

“You’re not stupid.” He said softly with all the sincerity his heart could give. You scoffed and folded your arms, looking to the side when you felt tears sting your eyes.

“Yes I am.” You said like you fully believed it, which was Peters worse fear. “Everyone says so. Even you.”

It hit Peter like a sheet of glass when you looked at him like that.

Like he was someone you didn’t want around.

“I didn’t mean to say that.” Peter apologized. “That is not how I feel. At all.”

“Don’t act like you’ve never thought about saying that before.” You laughed sadly. “Everyone on the team calls me dumb. It was only a matter of time before you did it too.”

“I didn’t mean it.” Peter repeated. “I don’t think you’re stupid.”

“Bullshit.” You snapped. “You’re so full of bullshit.”

“I’m not full of bullshit.” He whined like a child and gave you puppy dog eyes. “I’m full of regret.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek as he gave you his best pout, willing you to forgive him. Finally, you caved and cracked a smile.

“I hate you.” You stamped your foot and hung your head, frustrated with yourself for not being able to stay mad at him. Peter opened his arms and you walked into them, arms still folded angrily. You bumped your forehead against his shoulder before moving to rest your chin on it as he wrapped his arms around you. Peter nestled against your hair and sighed, happy that you had forgiven him but still saddened that he had hurt you in the first place. He could see the pile of used tissues on your bed and it killed him to know he made you cry.

“I didn’t mean to call you that. I really didn’t.” He said softly. “I’m the one who’s been trying to stop people from saying that.”

“But they still do it.” You sniffled. “Everyday I get called dumb or stupid or scalene.”

“I think it’s obtuse, not scalene.” Peter reluctantly corrected you. You pulled away and little and let Peter wipe the tears from your face.

“Maybe they’re right.” You shrugged and looked Peter in the eyes. “Maybe I am dumb.”

Peter kept your face between his hands, staring at you for a moment before sighing.

“I once sneezed so many times in a row that I peed my pants.” Peter deadpanned. “I was 17.”

“What?” You chuckled as you wiped your nose.

“I saw Bucky try to take a piece of toast out of the toaster with his metal arm and electrocute himself.” He continued. “And I constantly see Tony bumping into glass doors.”

“I don’t understand.” You squinted your eyes, but sure what point he was trying to make.

“Steve still picks up the phone and asks for the operator. Nat leaves her curling iron plugged in all the time. I do not think Sam knows the address of where we live and I’m pretty sure Rhodey can’t do laundry. He gets all his stuff dry cleaned, even his socks.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” You asked.

“Because were all dumb.” Peter concluded. “We all do and say dumb things. You don’t know where Alaska is and no one in this tower can read analog clocks. If we’re all dumb, then maybe none of us are dumb. Or we all are. Who cares?” Peter shrugged, making you laugh. “And you were right. A bird did carry off my web shooter. So no, you’re no dumb. Or stupid. Or obtuse. You’re, uh, you- you…” Peter looked down at he fumbled over his words.

“I’m what?” You raised an eyebrow. You could finish his sentence last time, but this time you were lost.

“You’re…” Peter tampered off again, staring at your confused expression for a moment before pulling you into a kiss. Your hands clenched into a fist and slowly uncurled as you relaxed into the kiss. Peter pulled away too soon and let his eyes flutter open. They met yours and you shared a moment of hesitation, not knowing what happened rest next.

“I’m gonna be honest lovey, I didn’t really have an ending to that sentence.” Peter chris joes softly, his breath fanning your face. “That was mainly improv.”

“You’re pretty good at improv, Parker.” You cracked a smile and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I did a little bit of theater in high school.” He shrugged smugly, making you giggle.

“Mmm. I severely don’t want to hear about that.” You teased before kissing him again.

“Oh, I think you do.” Peter remarked. “Because I once went to the bathroom during intermission with my mic still on and the entire audience heard me peeing.”

“Oh my God.” You laughed. “You’re so stupid.”

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @foreverxholland @damnyoudameron @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines @peterparkoure @a-villain-vying-for-attention @justcallmehitgirl @averyfosterthoughts @jackiehollanderr @tiny-friggin-human @celestial-skylines @mara-twins @iamaunicorn4704 @spideygirl2003 @the-crazy-fanfictionist @maryjanee23 @geeksareunique @emmamarshmellow @jillanaholland @unbelievableholland @rebekkah4766 @flixndchill @sovereignparker @wendaiii @thisisthebiplace @spideydobrik @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @caelestii-e @eridanuswave @itscaminow @fiantomartell @solarxmoonchild @where-art-thau-romeo @canyouevencauseicant @illwritetomorrow @thehappygrungelife @saysomethingspiderman @parkerboop @smilexcaptainx @hes-amarillo @quaksonhehe @kelieah @silteplaittais-toi @kickingn-ames @purefluff @seasidecrowbar @lovelessdagger @love-sick-blues @electraheart-3174 @lou-la-lou @unbelievableholland @yourtypicalhotmess @ohnothezombies @spideyanakin @horanxholland @thesuitelifeofafangirl @anapocalypseinmymind @quacksonfics @marshxx @heyheycharlatte @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie @tomshufflepuff @buckybigbutt @cookiemonstermusic258 @awesomebooklover17

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #avengers x you #avengers x reader #marvel #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader

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drabblecat · 3 years

Text

Yandere!Heisenberg x F!Reader Part 2

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Warnings: yandere behavior, slight nudity, drugging

Part 1

Slightly longer than i was aiming for but that's ok! My initial thought was more pwp but then I realized I kinda wanted some sort of plot... Anyways, big plans for next chapters! As always I'd love to hear what you think and the ask box is open!

You took a moment to try and calm your nerves. Heisenberg still had your face in his rough hands, and you couldn’t try to run with that chain holding you down. As his thumb ran across your lips anger built inside you. Mother Miranda was supposed to protect everyone in the village, but as soon as shit hit the fan there was no one that came to the rescue. You parted your lips as if starting to speak, his thumb now pressing down on your lower lip. Tilting your head forward ever so slightly, you bit down on the man’s thumb. He pulled back and sat up in shock that someone in your current position would do such a thing.

“Take care of me huh? Like Mother Miranda was supposed to? Yeah, well look how that worked out!” The hand still next to your head quickly gasped onto your neck, lifting you up to meet his eyes.

“That bitch was just using the village. It was a lie she used to make sure we had the right number of bodies to work with and everyone fell for it!” Tightening around your throat you started to gasp for air, hands pulling at Heisenberg’s grip. He let you go, house bouncing against the mattress. “It seems you need some more time to adjust. I’ll be back later and hopefully you’ll realize your place here.” The bed shifted as he stood up. Walking to the door and closing it behind him you heard a loud telltale click of a lock.

You stared up at the ceiling for a moment, not only to catch your breath, but also in attempt to process what exactly was happening. Tears formed in the corner of your eyes, one spilling over your cheek and rolled down to your chin. You let it fall for just a moment, and then gathered yourself. What was done was done. True you saw people that you knew dying in the streets, but you didn’t truly know them. You were just the new girl in town, if they were in your place, they would just be happy to be alive. Besides, Heisenberg was one of the town’s lords, right? It’s possible that this isn’t all that bad, you don’t know anything about him besides owning the old factory. At least he’s not Beneviento or Moreau. The dolls were creepy as hell, and you were never one for going near the waters that looked like they’d eat you if given the chance.

Using the sheet you wiped your eyes, and decided it was best to examine your surroundings further. Getting off the bed, the chain falling to the floor with it, you saw the cuff had a decent amount of length to it. Besides the bed and the heavy door, there were a few other things. There was the chair still at the end of the bed, a small nightstand, a vanity, and two other doors. Walking over to the vanity you were taken back. It had a framed photo of you that you do not remember taking. Especially since it was of you just out of the shower! Hesitantly you tipped it over, not wanting to even think of what that photo implied. Below the vanity were some drawers, opening them you found a hairbrush, and what only could be described as some of the raunchiest lingerie you’ve ever seen. Then came the two doors, one was significantly smaller than the other. Trying the small one first in the back left of the room, no luck. After turning the round door knob a few times you gave it a rest. Next was the larger door, this one opened right away. Nothing too interesting, just an ordinary bathroom. It was a little dirty, but nothing worse than what you’ve seen at certain gas stations.

Starting by opening all the possible cabinets you found they were all empty. Nothing to even try to use to get out. No cleaning chemicals or even medicine in the medicine cabinet. Heisenberg must have thought this through this for some time. The chain finally ran out of length at the toilet, just short of the bath. Seeing as nothing came from this, you returned to the bed to stare at the ceiling and think. Not like there was anything else to do. Who knows how long it took you to explore the room and think your thoughts. Without windows or any sort of clock there was no way to tell. Curling up to one side you snuggled into the blankets. Once again you heard the door click, causing you to bolt upright to face the noise. Heisenberg came through the door, carrying a metal tray holding a plate of food, a fork, a glass with what looked like water, and a small white vase with two wilted yellow flowers.

“Dinner time! Now I know I’m not the best cook, but you should find this to at least be appetizing. After all you must be starving darling.” He sat the tray on the bed and sat back in his chair. The plate was just as he said, didn’t look five stars, but your stomach growled at the mess of food. It looked like some baked beans, accompanied by some thick slices of grilled ham, and a chunk of corn bread. You still didn’t move, despite your hunger.

“Ok ok, you probably think I drugged the food, right? Well, I didn’t. Drugging you would be easier with a dart gun.” He lowered his glasses slightly to look you in the eye. With a sigh he grabbed the fork, picking up an entire slice of the ham, ripping a bite out of it. “See?” he placed the ham with the fork in it back down on the plate, speaking as he chewed. You couldn’t hold out much longer. If now was dinner time, that means you missed an entire day with nothing to eat. Planning any sort of escape or resistance to him couldn’t be done on an empty stomach. Reaching forward you used the fork the cut off a bite sized piece. It was surprisingly well seasoned, and super tender.

“There you go sweetheart! I knew it would just take some time to get used to, I’m not all that bad.” He chuckled and watched you as you ate. Only because he was watching you did you eat just a little faster than you had wanted to. Sure, he was a little off putting, but he seemed happy when you played along with whatever sick fantasy he had conjured up in his head. Once the meal was done, he set the flower on your nightstand and the tray right beside it. He stood up, taking his hat and coat off and throwing it on the chair.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I had a full day today and I am beat. Time to get some shut eye.” He glanced over to the vanity; a small piece of cloth poked out from where you had rummaged around. “I see you had some fun today as well. Your still in that ragged gown, I think you might want to change into something a little more… fresh.” Shit, you thought you’d put everything back to where it was. You mentally curse yourself as he opened the drawers. He was right though; you were still in the stained nightgown from the attack. As much as a fresh outfit was a good idea, you dreaded what his choice might be.

After a few moments of rummaging, he pulled out a gown that looked like it went down to mid-thigh, in a deep crimson color. It would have been a nice gown, if it wasn’t for the fact that the entire section around the breasts were almost see through lace with slits on both sides that went from the bottom and halfway up.

“Absolutely not.” You blurted out, causing him to chuckle.

“Sweetheart I don’t think you have a choice in the matter. Besides you and I both know that if you stay in that grimy thing, it’ll make you more uncomfortable than wearing this. It’s soft to, pure silk.” He tossed it on the bed and gave you a wink. Giving a defeated huff, you picked it up. He was right, it was incredibly soft. Getting off the bed with the garment in hand you headed towards the bathroom.

“Aww, and I thought I was going to see you strip. Maybe some other time…” He looked at you with his shit-eating grin. Your face became flustered, and you slammed the door as fast as you could, not shutting all the way due to the chain. Once inside the bathroom you began to change, making sure he couldn’t see you through the crack in the door. It was only then that you found the slip came with a matching pair of panties. Sighing in defeat and honestly just tired of all the bullshit thrown at you these past days you just put them on. It did give you some comfort, surprisingly feeling clean in this lewd outfit over your much more covering, yet crawling with filth, night gown. Taking a look in the mirror you looked yourself over. At least your tits looked hot in this, a confidence boost is good, right?

Slowly opening the door further, you became almost timid at what you saw. Heisenberg had also begun to strip down to his boxers for the night. He was in the middle of removing his shirt. His muscular back was littered with all sorts of scars. His muscles flexed as he took of the white stained undershirt, the smallest beads of sweat wicked away by the fabric. His tight ass was also a sight to see. Looking over his shoulder, he locked eyes with you, no longer having glasses obscure the direct line of sight.

“Well well, seems we’ve both found ourselves some eye candy huh.” Tossing the last piece of clothing to the chair he approached the door. Opening it and taking your hand he looked down at you, you quickly looked away to avoid feeling more embarrassment. Suddenly he picked up bridal style, your hands immediately reaching for his chest in attempt to hold on. In doing so your hands felt the warm firm handful of his pecks. He chuckled as you quickly folded your hands back into your own chest. Ever so gently he set you back on the bed, a sharp contrast to what had happened earlier.

Settling down next to you, you turned away from him. As you felt the bed dip with his weight, he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you close. You could feel a slight bulge resting against your ass. You tried to create some sort of distance, but you couldn’t move at all. Resigning to the situation, you tried to settle down, eyes unable to close despite some tiredness. All you could see in the limited range of movement you had was the nightstand, remnants of the meal, and the two flowers wilted but vibrant as they sat in the small vase.

#karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg #re8 #yandere!heisenberg #yandere resident evil #smut #re8 smut #x reader #karl heisenberg x you

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gojology · 3 years

Text

— Gojo and Nanami | Their Insecurities

pairing : insecure gojo x gender neutral reader, insecure nanami x gender neutral reader warnings : unedited, probably some misspellings, maybe some cursing, i probably dont make sense at all wordcount : 1703 a/n : this is so bad dear god please forgive me for deeming this as content

GOJO SATORU ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Gojo’s insecure about his lack of bodyhair. His lack of facial hair and arm hair worries him. Being babyfaced wasn’t something positive in his eyes- no, he wishes he was physically more masculine.

Your eyes meet his, the sun rays bathing both of you in an orange filtered light. His mouth is slightly opened, skin flush to the touch. After a night of intimacy, your ready for another round, pushing your palm towards his forehead. “Good morning, Satoru.” you say, voice slightly wavering even in the most private presence, without the formalities and what not, he’s surprisingly normal, and it’s taken you a bit to adjust to that. He’s warm, but it’s the good kind of warm, and it shows on his silly, dopey smile.

You guess it wasn’t the time for more sex, so you resist your urges, directing the energy to something else.

Gradually, your palms find themselves on his cheeks, and you pinch them slightly, giving him a look you hope is loving- because you really do mean it. Your rest assured, as the curve to his swollen lips grew even wider. The sounds of bird chirped as your fingers danced across his jawline, finally at your final stop, his chin.

You tip his chin up, and sure enough, hickeys are adorning his neck. A feeling of joy and honor fills you for a brief second, you were the one that was allowed to see him vulnerable, given the pass into his locked up heart. He finally breaks the silence between the two of you, pushing away your slack hand delicately.

It’s peculiar, there’s a tremble to his lips, like he’s scared, or about to burst into a fit of tears. You think it should be the other way around, but here you were, arms held close to your chest, looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and anticipation, bated breath preventing you from questioning the sudden change in tone.

“Hey, um, Y/N, weird ass question, but, am I hairy? Like, wooly mammoth hairy?”

You can’t tell if it’s sarcasm or not.

Trying not to make a face, you shrug your shoulders. “Well, I mean, not really. You’re actually pretty nonhairy, in terms of uh... The average-” you pause, realizing how drastically his face fell. “-But I do like non-hairy guys! Who would wanna date a wooly mammoth anyways? Hey, baby..” you coo, giving him a tiny peck on the cheek, fluttering your eyelashes. “What’s this about? Hey, you know, you can just be straightforward with me, I don’t mind.”

He doesn’t take a moment of hesitation, exasperatedly blurting out, “Does my lack of.. Hair, bother you?” but it seems he regrets it, your cheeks puffing up, stifling a giggle. Yet, he maintains the bone-chilling eye contact, his eyes are as vivid as ever, so blue it looked like the entrance to heaven. Your immediately lulled, whatever he was going to say was definitely urgent.

“W-What? Are you being serious?” covering your mouth, your voice is muffled, but his face looks absolutely terrified, and you relish in how funny he looked. It wasn’t everyday that he was genuinely frightened, well, maybe he didn’t show it often. “Of course not! Why would I be even remotely worried about bodyhair when I have something way more eye-catching in front of me?”

The shock turns into a sheepish smile, returning for a second time, your heart melting instantly. He takes a long, deep breath, exhaling the tension away, tugging at the covers to go over his chest. You hadn’t realized that he had stolen more than half of the blanket for himself, but you don’t make a fuss about it.

For all the weight he carried on his sagging shoulders, you’re sure the warmth is appreciated.

NANAMI KENTO ‧₊˚✩彡.

☆ Nanami thinks he’s a boring person, through and through. Outside of work, he doesn’t see why anyone would want him. Some days, he wonders if he should pick up on Gojo’s personality, telling jokes and being sarcastic and what not.

The fine, white porcelain Nanami had gifted you was beautiful, to say the least. Nanami frequently shone it until it glimmered in the light, wiping any smudge or speck of dirt that dared to get on his beloved tea set that he gifted to you a few months prior. Gold trim, alongside depictions of birds fluttering about, and your favorite flowers. It’s perfect for you, and that’s why he had gotten it. His eyes had instantly brightened, picturing your beaming face as you served the two of you some tea.

But he wonders, would you be happier if he perhaps gifted you something more up to date in comparison to the porcelain? He had enough money to buy you the world, bags, jewelry, he’d often used to hear stories of his co-workers giving their wives expensive, well, anything, and they’d be over the moon. A sudden realization grew inside of him at the thought of this:

Was he too out-of-date?

The thought went rampant in his usually collected mind, twisting and turning at night, only the sound of you, deep in sleep, could calm the troubled man down. As a consequence to his overthinking, he got little to no rest, and if he got little to no rest, his eyebags would turn their ugly, sneering faces in his direction.

And so, as he’s baking tea cakes to go along with the afternoon tea the two of you would routinely drink, he’s going deep into depth of himself. He’s a good worker, good at...

What was he good at? Aside from work, he can’t see why he’d be of use. Nanami acknowledges he’s stoic, which may be good in some cases, but often, everyone runs away from him because he appears as scary with those cold, calculating eyes. As opposed to Gojo, everyone enjoyed how lenient of a teacher he was. Well, Nanami isn’t sure on that, maybe aside from Megumi, Nobara, and Yuuji, everyone hated that. Regardless, him and Gojo don’t share something in common.

Gojo has humor, and he doesn’t.

So why did you like him?

Nanami’s subconsciously drumming his long, bony fingers against the counter, eyes studying the ceiling like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Steadily, an acrid smell completely overwhelmed your senses- now, you’re hacking into your arm, and finally, Nanami comes back to Earth.

He blinks a few times, like he’s drinking in his surroundings, before he realizes the tea cakes are completely burning into a crisp.

Now, he’s on heightened alert, yanking open the handle to the oven and fanning out the flames with a random oven mitt he had hastily grabbed for. Beads of sweat are developing on his skin, before finally, you rush in, still hacking up a storm with a large pot of freezing water in your shaking hands.

Nanami curses himself for ever appearing as informal, but then he remembers he’s infront of his significant other, he didn’t have to put on an act. His face relaxes, and he opens his mouth to speak, to apologize, but he’s paused- by you. You raise your palm up at him, the other hand opening up a window looking over the garden.

“Nana.” he freezes completely, the affectionate nickname was specially reserved for confrontations like this. You spoke softly, which, for some reason, was significantly worse than you screaming into his ear. Your eyes follow suit, staring at his collar, loosening his tie. He winces, but Nanami’s not sure why he does. You had touched him millions of times, so why was it now that he didn’t accept it?

“Yes, my love?” he finally breathes out, wrapping a strong, gentle arm around your waist just loosely. You place your thumb just below his lower lip, your index finger rubbing his plush lips all at the same time. The exchange is purely affectionate, yet, he’s still tense.

“What has gotten into you?” you murmur.

“I- Nothing, darling, I’ll bake another-”

“No.” is all you say before you grab him by the chin, unwavering. Usually, those piercing eyes of his are emotionless, something shocking. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, so why is it that it’s blocked off? But you guess it wasn’t the case here, he stared back with the same level of intensity, fear and peculiarity. You stay in that position for a little, savoring just how much you must mean to him, it wasn’t everyday he was vulnerable and let you inside. Your breathing is heavy, eyelids heavy as well due to his routinely ruckus every night, but you’re determined to erase any trace there was left of that. You kiss him. It’s sloppy, yet chaste. A fight for dominance usually occurs between the two of you, and almost routinely, Nanami wins, but this time, he lets you do the work.

Your lips never once trail away from his own. Heavy breathing through nostrils, hands roaming where it shouldn’t at such an early time, but who gave a fuck about the rules? It wasn’t a workplace, and you’d never let it be one. He clings onto your figure, you savor his muscular physique. Not once do his hands not roam, your flesh was his, and his was yours.

Finally, you pull away, heat rising to your cheeks, tears are beginning to dawn on your glassy eyes. “I’ve listened to you roll around in bed every night, mumbling shit about how you don’t see why I’d want you. You better donate your eyes and brain to charity right now.”

This wasn’t the reaction, or beatdown he was expecting. He flinches at the vivid image he got of you gouging out his eyeballs. “...Why must I do that?

“Because, you don’t use them, obviously. If you took a fucking second of your life to look deeper into your personality below the surface level, you’d see how fucking amazing you are and I love you for that.”

Shaking your head furiously, you shush him up yet again when he finally decides to speak up, tears are beginning to spill down your cheeks. “Shut up, Nana. Shut. Up.” pulling him in for another kiss, your hands grabbing at his shoulder like he was going to let go.

But he never did.

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liitlesunshiine · 3 years

Text

High on the clock

Quirkless AU - Toya Todoroki

Warnings: cursing, drug use, anxiety, panic attack mention, suggestive themes, slight sexual themes

A fun light hearted fic. Definitely enjoyed writing this piece so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. ^.^ It’s flirty n cute n Toya is a total bae. <3

You and Toya are coworkers who try making the most out of your shitty job.

------------------------

“Goddd this place fuckin blows.” You groaned in frustration sitting across Toya.

“As if I didn’t know that already,” he sleeplishly replied.

You never intended on working in this shit show of a store for as long as you have but yet, here you were two wasted years later. You had high hopes after graduation but it seems no job wants to hire someone with no experience and you can’t get any experience since you can’t get an actual job that’ll provide it. So it’s forced you in this sort of awkward limbo and vicious cycle of going back and forth. You’ve been stuck wearing this shitty bright uniform with a barely livable wage and terrible hours. Miserable every second of the day, with the constant guilt eating at you for being so complacent.

Of course there were a few exceptions.

Of course… Like the highly attractive coworker you spent most of your time here with. Days spent with Toya were significantly better than the days spent without Toya. In fact, if it weren’t for him, you’d probably wouldn’t have lasted as long as you had here. Because man, when days were good they were ok, but when the days were bad, they were really fucking bad. Some in which you were ready to burn down everyone and everything yet the sweet, hot, god-like Toya would make you melt with his cute quirky smile and meet your eyes with his own that you would absolutely drown in and next thing you know, you had completely forgotten about what you were upset over. Now, it’s just a bonus that he meets your sarcasm with his own, the both of you have always had this flirty like atmosphere that neither of you are willing to acknowledge but low key kinda know there’s an underlying sexual tension there. It was strange how well you both got along, the average onlooker would assume nothing more than a simple boyfriend and girlfriend relationship but it was really just mutual likability and connection between the two of you. Days with Toya were simply good days. And you were absolutely grateful for someone like him because god knows how terrible it’d really be here without him.

“Why don’t we make this night a bit memorable,” Toya who was right next to you behind the counter, gives you a side wink and unzips the company jacket to reveal a small ziplock within the pocket. Andddddd long behold it’s weed! You chuckle to yourself, never getting tired of Toya’s shenanigans. Very much appreciated as he’s best form of entertainment here.

“Toya we almost got caught last time, you really wanna risk it again?” Your words ran on deaf ears as he was already rolling up the blunt underneath the counter, “what’s the worst they can do? Fire us?” You stopped for a second and nodded, well he wasn’t wrong. Maybe this was the push you needed to finally leave this shit hole. “You got a point, let’s do it quick before someone comes in.”

While this is a 24 hour convenience store, usually pass 1am, rarely anyone is inside. So you suppose it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Plus with Toya your bound to have a good time, who are you to deny him. You trusted in him enough to get away with his bs.

“Pass the lighter doll,” you fished for the lighter that was nicely decorated with little blue flames over in your small book bag and passed it to him. He holds the blunt between his two hands and you duck underneath the counter with him. “Ladies first,” he cockily said, you lean forward and placed your mouth on the blunt while he held it for you. He always did this and it always felt oddly intimate to you. Couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling in your chest taking over when his glass like eyes gazed over you. They always made you curious and somehow hungry for knowledge of his life. You’ve never knew someone so well yet know nothing of them, but that’s always been enigma of Touya. You exhaled closing your eyes, attempting to calm your nerves. “You know the only time I ever smoke is on the job with you.” He smirked bringing the blunt to his own lips, “guess I’m a bad influence then.”

You snorted and rolled your eyes. “Everyone needs a lil spice in their life, no?” It was his turn to roll his eyes. You gently grabbed his wrist and led the blunt back to your lips again, he stared quietly at you. Which oddly made you tense up. “Don’t look at me like that,” you smiled.

“Like what?” He smiled.

“Like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world that you can’t live without.” Now you both laughed. This was the usual routine with Toya; cracking jokes and talking shit for a bit and simply enjoying each other’s company while the store was empty. He finally broke the trance you were in when he spoke up.

“You know, having my father kick me out of the house wasn’t so bad after all,” Toya leaned in.

You looked at him with a puzzled look, he never brings up his father. Whenever the conversation appeared it was quickly diverted elsewhere. You didn’t want to poke or intrude but curiosity got the best of you and you couldn’t help but want to continue the conversation. “Yea? Why is that?” You wondered. His father, from what you’ve been able to gather with the little bits Toya has mentioned here and there, was that supposedly his father is some CEO to a multi million dollar company. Odd considering the likes to where Toya ended up but you concluded that they must’ve ended in bad terms. You understood how cruel and selfish parents can be and didn’t need further explanation on that part. Easy to assume considering how poorly and little he speaks of him. He shut your ideas off with his simple response.

“I wouldn’t be smoking a blunt with the world’s most beautiful girl under this shitty counter, if it weren’t for it.” Ha, that definitely caught you off guard, causing a light blush to form across your face. Even with a seeming sensitive topic he still manages to tease you. He’s got that cheeky smile plastered all over, “Got you choked up doll?” You rolled your eyes. You were about to tell him off before the door rang indicating that someone has entered the store. You snapped out of the haze and immediately got up to quickly realize that the person who entered was one of the regional managers, oh fuck. You nearly froze in fear and kicked Toya under the counter. “Ow the fuck was that for?” He looked at you while soothing the kick you just gave him but upon looking at your panicked expression and frenzied body, he quickly crushed the blunt and shoved it back inside the pocket of his jacket. He didn’t need to be told or explained which you greatly appreciated at the moment. Toya was always able to read the room, bless his soul. He clumsily got back up to which you had fixed his crooked hat and whispered into his ear to tuck his shirt in while covering him slightly to do so.

“Hi-ya hello, good afternoon, I mean good evening sir.” You embarrassedly stumbled over your words to which Toya snickered at. You kicked him again harder this time as discreetly as you could. On the verge of a panic attack. He gripped tightly at the counter, smiling at the man in front of you both. Hissing silently at the pain your kick caused him. He gave you a quick side eye nodding his head in disapproval. Which somehow made you feel drastically worse.

“Good evening to you both, I’m sure you know who I am.”

You responded a bit too hastily looking like a rabid chihuahua. “Yes! Yea. Of course we do, how are you? What brings you in at this time? It’s so late.” You manage to say within 2.0 seconds, the automatic robotic customer service attitude overtaking your body. Well- at least trying to considering you just had a 30-minute smoke sesh under the counter and your mind is desperately trying to sober up. Honestly, what the fuck was he doing here at this time? This has never happened and I mean out of all the hours of the day. Oh yea, you’re definitely getting fucked, the smell of weed was so pungent, it was literally embarrassing how bad the situation looks. You wanted to cry. Toya’s eyes were stained red and you only assumed yours look worse.

“Gotten a few complaints about this store recently. Wanted to come in and take a look.” You began to get a cold sweat, oh shit he knows, he definitely knows. You had words lodged in your throat that couldn’t come out. What could you say? What can you say? You’re in the wrong here. Everyone knows that smoking weed with your cool and kinda hot coworker under the counter is definitely not ok. Maybe even illegal, oh god what if this gets on your record. You’ll definitely not be able to get a professional job, then you’ll really get stuck working a even shitter job than this. Oh good oh god oh my god.

As if sensing the absolute panic and anxiety off of you, Toya gently caressed your arm motioning you to relax and to stay silent. You recognized the wave that washed over him and instantly knew he’d handle the situation, he always does. And if you could die in his arms right now, you’d accept your fate happily. Toya was an interesting man oh right, you always believed he held such potential to do great things and even change the world. It doesn’t make sense really considering you both work at a basic job but you had come to secretly admire the guy. You’d would tell him too, how you believed in him, how you had so much confidence for him to become something great but he would always shut it down and brush it off like it was nothing. It was as if he didn’t think he was good enough. It always bugged you that he thought so little of himself, but seeing him now causally and confidently bullshit the regional manager out of your current situation just simply reminded you of how special he was to you. Definitely got your pussy wet and made you eternally grateful too.

Toya was standing in front of the counter, making hand gestures while the manager just stared analyzing his words. You were completely z0ned out, only able to get parts of the conversation.

“We’ve been having this customer appear at the store over and over again around this time of night harassing me and Y/N. We’ve considered calling the cops since he’s always high off his mind, we’ve caught him smoking in the bathroom on multiple occasions too. He was in here about 15 minutes ago and we haven’t been able to get rid of the smell.”

Ah the beautiful lies that slipped through Toya’s lips sounded like a symphony. It was nothing short of comedic and yet so fucking Oscar-worthy. You could definitely pay this man to tell you lies he with how effortlessly convincing he was. You couldn’t even care to listen to what the manager was responding with, but on his way out he waved at you wishing you a goodnight and you sighed out with relief.

Toya turns to you clasping his hands together “well there’s gonna be a security guard here for the next two weeks.” You laughed “I guess that’s better than getting fired huh.”

“I’m not sure about that,” he chuckled. “I texted Shigs to come and take over the rest of our shift.”

You looked at him confused, “how come? Either way, do you think he’ll be ok alone here?”

Toya slipped his phone into his pocket and walked back to you “yea he doesn’t give a fuck. Besides you look pale fucking white, guess this guy sobered your ass up real quick.”

You attempted to glare angrily at him but it came off as a soft puppy look. You had no energy nor the strength to pretend. It feels like you just got whiplash from the rollercoaster you were on. Figured it was no use in lying considering you looked like you just went through it. “Yea, I still feel high as shit, I just wanna go home already, only thing this guy gave me was a fat fucking headache.”

He ruffled the top of your head, “awe poor baby,” he said in a teasing tone, he inched up right beside you, “I got something that can help with that.” You jokingly pushed him off you, tying to ignore the warm feeling pooling under your stomach. Your mind was definitely thinking something dirty with a million miles per second and with how he handled today’s situation you’d be more than willing to give him whatever he pleased, but you pretended to cast aside those intrusive thoughts and act unfazed. “Shit don’t tell me you got Advil on you too?”

He chuckled lightly nodding is head down, “got something even better doll.” He scoots up next to you and grabs a bottle of excedrin underneath the counter, passing it to you. You excitedly open it taking two pills out “oh my god I didn’t know we had some underneath here, yes thank you. You're definitely my hero today Toya.” As if y’all didn’t work in a convenience store that had if not all types of medicines. It was the effort that made it special though, it’s what brought that bright goofy smile of yours to light.

You weren’t able to see the blush that formed on his cheeks while you swallowed the two pills. “Yea I remember you telling me you get headaches n shit and I know this medicine helps with it.” He was scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He never really handles compliments well but you tippy toed over to him and wrapped your arms softly around his neck. “I appreciate it Toya, that was really thoughtful. Thank you.”

If you didn’t see his previous blush you definitely noticed this one, which in turn lead you to blush. But you couldn’t miss this opportunity- “AWE is lil Toya blushing. So cute brings me back to my middle school days.” That caused a loud laugh to come out of you both. “Shut it.” he quickly and quietly said.

“Am I interrupting something.” You and Toya quickly untangled from each other trying to play off the slight tension in the air.

“Errrr um.. Hey Shiggy, thanks for uh coming in.” You awkwardly stumbled, you never really got along with him so there was always this weird loud silence between the both of you. He already seemed to be annoyed, per usual. The sloppy blue hair all tangled looking greasy and his patchy skin looking irritated and flaky as usual. He definitely was not amused or happy to be here. Well when was her ever. You’ve yet to seen the man smile.

“Whatever.” He takes a sip from his metal bottle and walks over to the counter.

“Shiggy you the man, thanks for pulling up bud.” Toya pats him in the back and Shigaraki shuttered. “Don’t touch me,” he flatly said. He glared at you both.

“You guys can go leave and fuck now.” The words caught you instantly by surprise and you got completely red. “That’s not what were gonn- ugh whatever like it matters.” With that, you and Toya clock out and leave the store with Shigaraki sending daggers at your back.

“He’s always acting like such a bitch.” You annoyingly complained.

Toya puts his arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him “he ain’t so bad when you get to know him.”

“I guess.” You rolled your eyes, you didn’t really care. You were more relieved to have finally left. He can rot in the store by himself for all you care. Not you or Toga would miss him.

“So,” Toya glided with his words, itching you closer to him. He was leading the way in this position with you happily following. Not knowing the destination but feeling completely at peace with his form completely snug at your side. You comfortably wrapped your arm around his waist and gently placed your head in the crook of his neck. This was nice you thought, you and Toya were always this intimate when alone. No hesitation or awkwardness, just simply holding hands and sharing body heat as friends with the underlying passion waiting to burst and to be acknowledged. But nothing ever felt rushed, not with Toya. You stared at him from this angle, taking in his beautiful effortless features. His lashes looked so long as you stared in slight jealousy, his hair a perfect black mess with hidden red roots if you stared long enough, and his eyes. Man, you could write poems and sing songs with how the eyes stirred up some emotion you can't quite pin down. Always causing an eruption of feelings you can barely control.

You felt the warmth from his breath when he spoke, “wanna go to back to my place and finish that blunt? Would love nothing more than to see the world’s most beautiful girl on my bed.”

You blushed and nodded looking at those piercing blue eyes once again “well, when you look at me like that I guess I can’t say no.”

Maybe this time you would finally show Toya just how special he really is to you.

#Touya x You #toya #toya todoroki #todoroki x reader #bnha dabi #dabi smut #dabi imagine #dabi x reader #dabi #dabi my hero academia #my hero fanfic #my hero academia #dabi fluff #dabi fic #toya smut #kinktober #mha todoroki

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scarletemeterio-thesecond · 3 years

Note

Hello! Could i request a Sokka imagine where the reader is Tophs older sister who tries to leave her home when Toph join the Gaang? The MC is an outcast in her family, even by Toph. Toph doesnt want her to join because she claims she cant bend so shed be useless, this makes Sokka defend her and she joins along. The real reason shes an outcast in her family tho, is because shes a fire bender, and she has to hide her secret, only reavling the truth by accident after protecting Sokka in battle.

i absolutely loved this concept and i finally managed to finish this fic, i am so sorry for the long ass wait, but i'm starting to catch up on some old requests. hope you like it!

•••

Secrets (Sokka x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: none i think

Genre: Fluff i guess

Fandom: Avatar The Last Airbender

Summary: See request

Word Count: 1938

Reader uses she/her pronouns

•••

Being home was too much for (Y/N). She felt like she was invisible in her own family. The Beifongs had taken her in when she was little, but when they found out that she was a firebender, things changed completely.

When Toph was little, they were quite close, but then her parents managed to break them apart. They'd tell Toph that she was dangerous but also that she was useless because she couldn't bend.

So during the last few years, she felt like an outcast. She would go to the ring most of the time and analyze the movements of the fighters, trying to train herself. She eventually managed to improve her firebending, which had an unique style based on earthbending, but she still had a lot to learn.

She stopped going to the ring once she realized that Toph was the Blind Bandit, she didn't want to run into her outside of the house, but kept practicing on her own.

But suddenly one day the Avatar came to her home. He was looking for an earthbender teacher and she immediately knew that the person he was interested in was Toph. Dinner was a little awkward, but once everyone was ready for bed, things seemed much calmer.

(Y/N) was outside the house, enjoying the fresh air of the night when suddenly, she heard her sister talking.

''Even though I was born blind, I've never had a problem seeing. I see with earthbending. It's kind of like seeing with my feet, '' she said. ''I feel the vibrations in the earth, and I can see where everything is-- you, that tree, even those ants. And also my sister around here somewhere,'' she chuckled at her words. Even though they didn't have the best relationship, it was nice hearing Toph call her her sister. It made her feel a bit normal, even if back at the house she was still an outcast.

She stopped paying attention to the two kids and lost herself in her thoughts, but she got out of her trance when she heard an unfamiliar voice. (Y/N) went running back to the house and desperately called her parents.

''What's the meaning of this?'' Asked her father, clearly annoyed at the noise.

''Toph and the Avatar! Someone took them!''

Everyone went outside, following her, and they realized that the captors had left a note.

''If you want to see your daughter again, bring 500 gold pieces to the arena,'' read the girl from the Water Tribe. ''And it's signed 'Xin Fu and The Boulder.'''

''Master Yu, I need you to help me get my daughter back.''

''We're going with you,'' said the waterbender.

''I wanna go, too,'' said (Y/N). She was looking at her father as the words left her mouth.

''No, you can't come, (Y/N), you-.''

''I don't care. I know you've broken the relationship between me and Toph, but she's still my sister and I want to go.''

''You're not a bender, (Y/N), it would only be for the worse.''

''You know I can help,'' she muttered, knowing that her father knew what she meant.

There was a small pause while they shared a look. ''Fine, you can come, but don't try to do anything you might regret.'' He walked away from her and soon they all headed towards the arena.

Once Toph was free, her father finally saw what she was capable of. The way back to the house was awkward, to say the least.

After the conversation that Toph had with her father, there was a bigger tension in the house than usual.

A few moments later, (Y/N) heard some noise close to her room, and when she opened the door a little, she realized that her sister was escaping. She considered the idea of staying home, of being the only Beifong daughter and she couldn't think of something worse.

So as fast as she could, she changed her clothes to something more comfortable and ran quietly outside.

"Wait, guys! Please!" Said (Y/N) while running towards the group. "I wanna come too," she told them. "Please?"

She could see how Aang, Katara and Sokka all started nodding with smiles on their faces, but whem she looked at Toph, her expression was completely different.

"You can't," said the girl.

"What? Why not?"

"Yeah, Toph, what's the problem?" Asked Katara.

"Look, (Y/N), I don't mean to offend you but why would you even come with us?"

"Because I don't belong here, and you know it."

"You're not a bender, you would only be a liability to us."

"Hey! Don't be like that, Toph!" Exclaimed Sokka.

(Y/N) already had some tears on her eyes but quickly got rid of them. She didn't want the others to see her cry.

Sokka got down from Appa and stood next to (Y/N). "(Y/N) is coming with us, okay? Now let's go, we don't want to waste any time." He grabbed the girl by the arm and helped her get on top of Appa.

During their whole journey away from the Beifongs' house, Sokka and (Y/N) talked a lot.

He liked having someone like him around, it made him feel like he wasn't so alone; and she liked feeling like someone cared a little bit about her.

The days went by and (Y/N) could finally tell that she'd found her new family. Even her relationship with her sister had improved significantly since they'd both left home.

Still, no one knew that she was actually a firebender. She hated lying to everyone but she also didn't know how to tell them; in her head, she thought that they wouldn't want her to be with them anymore, she was afraid.

"Hey, (Y/N)," she heard someone say. She looked up and saw Sokka standing next to her. He took a seat by her side. "What are you thinking about?"

"Hi, Sokka. It's nothing, really," she tried to sound convincing but knew that she'd failed. Out of everyone in the group, Sokka was the one she was closest to. She even had a little crush on him, and the fact that she was lying to him was destroying her.

"You always say that but I never believe you."

"I already told you, Sokka, I can't talk about it." She looked at him and he gave her a sympathetic look.

"You can tell me anything, (Y/N). And I promise I won't tell your secret to anyone else."

"No, I can't. You'd hate me if I told you, trust me."

"What? I could never hate you!" He exclaimed and she smiled a little. (Y/N) knew he believed what he was saying, but would it still be true even if he found out what she really was?

Sokka took one of the maps he'd taken from the library, trying to decipher it while still enjoying (Y/N)'s company.

"Waterbending bomb!" Katara yelled from afar, and then everyone saw her get into the water, splashing everyone.

"Sure, 5.000-year-old maps from the spirit library. Just splash some water on 'em," complained Sokka.

(Y/N) couldn't help but giggle a bit at his reaction.

They had to figure out a way to finally get to Ba Sing Se, and The Serpent's Pass seemed to be the only way, but that was until they met a couple that told them about the ferries.

However, the plan was a total failure, so the only option they had left was the dangerous Serpent's Pass.

It wasn't easy, but they eventually made it to the great city of Ba Sing Se. But there was something waiting for them there: a drill with the Fire Nation insignia on it.

It was obvious who was behind that, the Fire Nation princess herself, along with her two friends. Luckily, Sokka came up with a plan, they were going to take the drill down from the inside.

"Okay, we're gonna go with Toph and then we'll get inside of it, okay?" Sokka said.

They all nodded and got ready to go, but the earthbender suddenly stopped for a second.

"(Y/N), I think that you should stay here."

"What?" She was confused. They had been getting along a lot better lately, but that comment took her by surprise.

"You could get hurt, it's not safe. Plus, well, you can't bend and you know that."

"Toph, I can take care of myself, okay? I told you a million times before!"

"I know, but-."

"She's coming with us," interrupted Sokka. "She is one of us and we won't leave anyone behind, okay? And she's not helpless, Toph."

The little girl tried to say something, but the young boy didn't let her.

When they finally reached the drill, Toph stayed outside, and the rest of them went inside.

"I need a plan of this machine. Some schematics that show what the inside looks like. Then we can find its weak points."

"Where are we gonna get something like that?" Asked Aang.

"Maybe we should break something, then some engineer would have to come to fix it," suggested (Y/N).

"Good idea," said Sokka, and he got on with it.

Once they had the map, they knew what they'd have to do, but it wasn't going to be easy.

Aang and Katara had to cut through the braces of the structure, but they turned out to be a lot thicker than they thought. They luckily realized they didn't have to cut all the way through them, instead it was enough with just cutting a little to weaken them.

All of them were focused on the braces, so the only one that noticed the three Fire Nation girls was (Y/N). She realized Azula was about to blast some fire towards Sokka, and she quickly pushed him away and instinctively threw some fire at her, too.

Everyone was shocked, even the three girls that were trying to fight them, but there was no time for explanations.

Katara, Sokka and (Y/N) escaped through the pipeline and even though the battle wasn't over, as soon as they were out of the drill Sokka started interrogating (Y/N).

"You were a firebender this whole time? Why didn't you say anything? And why doesn't Toph know? I mean, she's your sister and- Wait," he made a pause, suddenly realising something. "That was your secret, right?"

She nodded slightly, and looked away to try and hide her blushing face.

"(Y/N), how could you think we would ever hate you for that? That I would hate you?" She could see the hurt in his face, and she hated herself for it.

"The Fire Nation is the enemy, so I guess I figured you wouldn't want me in your team anymore if you found out where I'm really from."

"(Y/N), you can't change where you come from, and we would never hate you for that," said Katara in a sweet voice, still using her bending against Ty Lee.

Sokka wrapped his arms against (Y/N), which took her by surprise, but she quickly wrapped hers around his waist. "Thank you for protecting me back there. And once again, I could never hate you, okay?" They pulled away just a little to look at each other and then he kissed her forehead.

They knew they were still in the middle of a battle and that Katara was just a few meters away from them, but right there in that moment, it didn't matter. It was only (Y/N) and Sokka, wrapped around eachothers' arms, finally starting to realize their feelings for one another.

•••

TAGLIST

@talas-starlight @just-a-belgian-girl @sorrythatspussynal @siriuslyslyslytherin

#sokka #sokka x reader #sokka imagine #sokka fanfic #sokka fic #sokka atla #sokka avatar #atla x reader #atla imagine #atla fanfic #atla #atla sokka #avatar x reader #avatar imagine #avatar fanfic

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ificanthaveu · 3 years

Text

Don’t Tell The RA || Shawn Mendes

Description: RA!Shawn asks for your help with studying for your final exam, but an RA should always expect the unexpected.

A/N: Happy 1st day of my semi-not-really-ficmas! I’m positive I’ve used every winter/Christmas themed fic idea, but I scrounged together a few so here’s the first of the installment. These’ll probably all be pretty short (except for 1 probably bc i have a lot of ideas for it). Also.....if this gif doesn’t look like RA!Shawn trying to get his freshmen boys to stfu so they can start and end the hall meeting ASAP.

Word Count: 2.4k

You were the first person out of the room when your History professor dismissed you, meeting your awaiting roommate Micah across the hall. The two of you started walking back to your dorm without much of a word until she launched into how difficult her calculus exam is going to be.

“At least it’s related to your major. I’m about to fail a gen-ed,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “I’ve never liked History, and this is a literal nightmare.”

“Hey, only one more test, and we’re done,” she reminded you.

Before you could respond to her, you heard your name being yelled from behind you. The both of you stopped and turned around to see Shawn maneuvering his way in and out of people, his tall stature poking out from the rest as you smiled at him.

“Have you started studying for the final yet?” He asked as he fell into step with you and Micah, making your way out of the building.

You practically snorted with a head shake before you said, “Absolutely not. I’ve been so caught up in my biology classes that I’ve barely started looking at this. It’s not looking good for me.”

“We get it. You’re pre-med,” Micah mumbled before you elbowed her.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve cracked open the textbook since the first week,” he said.

“Oh, you opened yours? Mine’s still in the plastic wrap,” you said as proud as you could.

That earned a laugh from Shawn as he shook his head at you.

“You may be worse off than I am,” he said.

He paused for a moment, looking between you and where he had to turn to go to the freshman dorms, opposite campus from the junior ones.

“Would you wanna study tonight?” He asked.

You heard Micah choke on her breath as you prayed he didn’t hear it.

“Yeah, I definitely need it,” you replied.

“Can’t do it in our room,” Micah interjected quickly. “Josie is coming over for calc.”

“We can study at mine,” he said. “If that’s ok with you of course. We just might get interrupted by check-out questions.”

“Sounds just fine with me. I could never do what you do,” you said, looking up at him as he shrugged and looked away, the blush almost evident on his cheeks.

“Well, my room and board is paid for, so I’ll deal with throwing up freshmen in the bathroom at 2 am,” he said. “Does 7 work?”

“Sounds perfect,” you said as you turned to go towards your dorm. “See you then.”

Micah followed behind you as you began to cross campus, waiting until you were clearly out of earshot of Shawn.

“You really had to say we couldn’t do it in our dorm?” You asked as you gripped onto her wrist and she laughed. “Now I have to be extra alone with him.”

“That’s the point,” she said flatly. “Don’t act like you haven’t been staring at him all semester. That man is the total package.”

“And we’re studying together, nothing else,” you quickly pointed out.

“Well it may start that way but-“ you cut her off before she could finish.

“Don’t say something that won’t come true,” you said as you swiped into the building and walked up the stairs to your dorm.

“You wish it will though,” she said in a sing-song voice as you unlocked your door and pushed her in.

“So what are you wearing?” She asked as she whipped open your closet.

“I’m not changing,” you said.

Micah turned around and looked up and down at your sweatpants and sweatshirt with a look of disgust.

“Can you at least put leggings on and a clean sweatshirt? Maybe put your hair in a pony-tail instead of that bun that looks like it was slept in - scratch that - a bun that was slept in,” she said as she threw you a pair of black leggings and a school crewneck.

“This is ridiculous,” you mumbled as you changed.

“You’ll thank me later,” she called after you.

It had started snowing by the time 6:45 came around, and you began your trip across campus. You were regretting not wearing a jacket as you shivered and crossed your arms tightly around your chest.

The person at the front desk smiled at you as you made your way up to Shawn’s dorm, scanning the rooms for the one that said “Residential Assistant” on the front.

You knocked twice once you found it, rocking back and forth on your feet and trying to shake the cold. You glanced around at the winter-themed decorations around the hall before Shawn swung the door open.

“Hey,” he said brightly with that big smile that made you weak. “You look freezing.”

“I am,” you said as he welcomed you in. “Big mistake not wearing a coat.”

You scanned over his room quickly as he shut the door behind the two of you. He had white Christmas lights strung along his window, making for a beautiful reflection mixed with the snow. His overhead light was off, but the lamp beside his futon was on. It was surprisingly clean, but you attributed that to him never knowing when someone was going to need to talk to him.

Two mugs were situated on his desk in the corner of the room. He crossed the room and grabbed one and handed it to you.

“It’s mint tea,” he said. “Helps with studying.”

“Ah, of course,” you said, taking the mug and sitting on his, surprisingly comfortable, futon.

“And a blanket,” he said as he pulled it from the back of the couch. “Since you look like you might have hypothermia.”

“Thank you,” you said softly as you wrapped it tightly around your shoulders.

You pulled out your book and binder, flipping to the study guide that was handed out in class.

“Ok, where do you want to start?” You asked as Shawn pulled his slightly crumpled study guide from where it was tucked in his book.

“Well, I know nothing,” he said as he scanned over the paper. “Actually, I know one.”

“Which one?”

“The one he told us the answer for today.”

“That does not count.”

The two of you determined an order to study from as you kept his open textbook balancing on both of your knees, occasionally having to lean closer to the other to take a look at a passage.

Shawn skimmed the page, pointing at a passage and trying to explain it to you as you looked at him. You couldn’t hear a word he said as you watched how into the topic he got, using his hands to try to express his point. You sent the butterflies to the bottom of your stomach by taking a giant sip of the tea and moving onto the next question.

He asked you the next one, taking the textbook from you as you leaned an arm on the back of the futon. You glanced between him and the mini Christmas tree in the corner as you tried to explain it as best you can without the book as a crutch.

You looked back at him, his head cocked to the side and an interested look on his face. A few curls fell onto his forehead as he studied you. You tried to keep talking as his gaze was unwavering.

“Sounds right to me,” he said, his face dangerously close to yours as he also leaned his arm on the back.

“I honestly wouldn’t know,” you whispered. “Were you even looking at the book to make sure I was right?” You teased.

“I had something else I had to look at,” he said at the same volume.

You felt him lean in as you did the same. You could feel his breath fan over your lips as your hand rested on his knee.

Three solid knocks sent you flying away from each other.

Shawn cursed under his break as he stood up and swung the door open quickly.

“What?” He said to the kid in front of him, who was significantly shorter than Shawn.

“Kevin knocked over the-“ he paused as he saw you watching from across the room. “Oh, sorry, Shawn, I didn’t realize you had a girl over.”

You choked on your sip of tea as Shawn shoved the kid out the door and slammed the door behind him.

You pulled yourself together as you could hear Shawn’s muffled voice through the paper-thin walls.

“Why the fuck would you say that with her right there?” He said.

“I didn’t know! I would’ve gotten the RA on duty if I knew you were on a date,” the kid yelled back.

You could hear Shawn huff and could imagine him tugging at his hair.

“It’s nothing, Cade. It’s literally nothing at all,” Shawn said quickly. Your stomach dropped.

“It didn’t look like nothing,” the kid - Cade - teased back.

“Just tell me what’s going on, so I can study, which is the only thing we were doing,” he trailed off as you could hear the two of them walking down the hall.

You tried not to let yourself get too disappointed as you half packed up some of your stuff, not wanting to overstay your welcome if he didn’t see anything here. You felt yourself begin to overthink, wondering what would’ve happened if he kissed you. If he just wanted something quick before break, a finale to your semester together in class.

You waited patiently, your chin resting on your knees as you tried to look at the study guide with no luck.

The door swung open once again as Shawn came back. He shut the door behind him, running his hands through his hair as he looked over at you, noticing nothing but your study guide sitting out. He felt his stomach drop but didn’t say anything.

“Ok, where were we?” He said as he sat down again, dangerously close as his thigh grazed across yours.

Your breath hitched as he looked over at the study guide in your lap, looking at your one newly highlighted point.

You looked up at him as he asked you a question on the point. It was obvious he was looking at your lips.

You tried to answer the question and steady your shaky voice, but he leaned closer. Before his lips had the chance to press against yours, you rested your hand against his chest.

“Shawn…” you trailed off. “I can’t.”

“I’m so sorry,” he quickly said. “I didn’t - I thought - I’m sorry, I thought there was…” he trailed off as he tried to motion between the two of you as he leaned back.

“I just,” you paused as you let out a breath. “I really don’t want to be a one-night thing before you go back home.”

“Why would you think that?” He asked, an upset look clearly on his face.

“It’s nothing. It’s literally nothing at all,” you quoted him as you played with the edge of the study guide.

He looked at you confused as you looked down at the page, trying to distract yourself.

“Why would you say that? I don’t think this is just nothing,” he said.

“Shawn, these walls are paper-thin,” you snapped as you looked up at him. “I heard you telling the kid that this was nothing, and I don’t want nothing. So I’m stopping it here.”

He rubbed his forehead softly as you tucked your study guide into your binder, opening your backpack to put it away.

“I’m not going to tell one of my residents that he just interrupted something,” Shawn said quickly. “They’re my residents. I’m not about to tell them about my love life. I didn’t know you’d hear that. I swear I don’t think this is just nothing. I just don’t want them to know that stuff about me. There’s no reason to. I’m so sorry if it came off as any other way.”

You watched him continue to get flustered as he stayed relatively close to you, his hand almost hitting your shoulder as he spoke.

“I’ve been crazy about you since the beginning of the semester. I don’t just want to kiss you and forget,” he explained, leaning close to you again.

“Really?” You asked softly.

He smiled back at you, his hand almost resting against your shoulder as he draped it against the back of the futon.

“Really,” he replied.

This time when he leaned in, you let him kiss you. His hand enveloped the side of your face as you rested your hands gently on his chest. He tugged on your hip, and you followed his lead as you climbed onto his lap, smiling into the kiss as his hands stayed planted on your hips, gripping into your sides.

You pulled back before pecking his lips once more, leaning your forehead against his so you could see his big smile.

You glanced outside to see the snow getting worse as you let out a sigh.

“I should get going,” you whispered.

“But it’s a blizzard out there,” he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “And you don’t have a coat.” Another kiss at the corner of your lips. “Just stay,” he whispered as his lips met yours again.

“I don’t want to get us in trouble,” you whisper back.

“I know the RA. Don’t worry about it. I can pull some strings if he finds out,” he said with a cocky smile as you rolled your eyes, leaning in again.

“Won’t the residents know?” You mumbled against his lips.

“Let ‘em talk,” he said as his hand rubbed up your side, sending shivers across your body. “I won’t see them for over a month anyway.”

“Well, as long as the RA doesn’t find out, I think maybe I can stay,” you whispered as Shawn flipped you over so your back pressed against the futon and he hovered above you.

“I’ll make sure he never finds out.”

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george-fabian-weasley · 4 years

Text

George Weasley — Wonder Part 1

Summary: Best friends since the Sorting Hat, you have developed a curious feeling towards George Weasley recently. And you wonder, what it's like to be loved by him.

Words: 2,951 words

Warnings ⚠ : Slow-burn, Angst (kinda)

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"What does that one looks like?" You said, pointing to a constellation in the sky as you laid down onto the grass, right in front of Hagrid's hut. Beside you left and right were Fred and George Weasley.

You three had snuck out of the Gryffindor common room in the middle of the night to watch the stars. They have been exceptionally bright these days, so you figured why not.

Hagrid didn't mind you three, in fact he even prepared three mugs of hot chocolate in case you get cold outside.

"Kinda looks like an elephant, don't you think?" Fred mused, squinting his eyes hard to see the imaginary lines connecting to each star. "More like a dog to me." George chattered, clearly enjoying the cool breeze of the night.

"What do you see, Meredith?" Fred asked with a mischievous smile. You rolled your eyes, he used your middle name even when he knew you hated it as a tease sometimes. "Well, Gideon," Fred instantly groaned in cringe while George laughed in satisfaction, "I see a bloody goose." You laughed and high-fived with George.

"Never again am I telling my middle name to you." Fred chuckled in defeat, yet grinning as you out-teased him, as per usual.

You cackled in victory, "Ha, the sweet taste of victory sure taste good." You laughed again, holding your stomach. The twins had known that you were the type to be amused easily, and this was one of those moments. They watched you laugh with a few chuckles out of them themselves, sometimes your laugh were contagious.

After you had calmed down, the scene was serene again. "I wish we could do this more often." You muttered loud enough for the boys to hear. "Hmm, I dunno, Y/N. Reckon doing it more often would be quite boring, wouldn't it?" Fred spoke, the look of slight disagreement rested on his face.

You pouted slightly, not that you minded. Fred has always been an outspoken person, this is normal to you.

"Maybe next time we could do a night picnic? Sneak some food out from the kitchens, bribe the house elves not to tell a soul, and voilà." George offered an idea, his eyes occasionally glanced at you, then looked back to the stars above.

You widened your eyes in surprise as you quickly sat up and turned to his direction with twinkling eyes, "Really? We could do that?"

George scoffed a smile at you and slightly chuckled, "Of course we could do that, why couldn't we?"

Suddenly the time seemed like it stopped. You blinked at George, whoa okay since when did he look so good? He was smiling at you with his arm supporting his head while the other rested on his stomach, unintentionally flexing his outer-line biceps as the sweater Molly had given him last Christmas had become a little small.

Wait, what?

"Y/N? Y/N Meredith Y/L/N, do you hear me?" You blinked back to reality as Fred called your name. "Blimey, you really found the galaxy in George's eyes, didn't you?" Fred teased.

Before you could even answer, the voice of Mr. Filch was suddenly present, "Who's there?"

"Shit, hide, hide." George instantly helped you up and ran to hide behind Hagrid's hut, you and Fred were hot on his tails.

As Filch knocked on Hagrid's door, the half-giant opened it sleepily, "Oh, Argus. What do you want?"

"I hear students around your hut, you're not hiding them, are you, Hagrid?" Mr. Filch said and you three heard the change of tone in Hagrid's voice, "... Why don't you come in first, Argus? Have some tea."

You knew that was a sign to run once Filch had entered the hut. You made a mental note to yourself to thank Hagrid the next day for helping you three escape. As soon as the old squish entered Hagrid’s hut, George took a hold of your hand suddenly and ran to the castle’s direction.

Was his hand always this big?

As soon as you three arrived to the hallways, you wheezed for air. Bloody Fred and George were nearly nowhere from huffing their breaths heavily, clearly their athletic bodies could handle a little run. But you, being a tad shorter than them and obviously not athletic, it was killing you.

“Sorry, Y/N. You alright there?” George said, chuckling as he watched you wheezed an answer, “A minute...”

“Alright, you monkeys. Let’s go back to the common room now.” Fred hollered, clearly had already recovered and was walking, leaving George and you behind. George watched you take a deep breath and exhale, “Okay, I’m fine now.”

George was obviously entertained by your little show a few seconds ago, and you rolled your eyes with a lazy smile in your lips, “Amused now, are we?” You slurred boringly, earning a toothy grin from George, “With you, Y/N, always.”

You shoved him off, “Shut up, Weasley.” in hopes that could conceal the sudden heat rising up to your face. You two began to walk in silence, while watching Fred walking alone at the front. It was a comfortable silence, and the aura around you two were just too homey to break out of.

You have a habit where you would hold your friends’ pinkie while you walk, and your entire friend group knows that. You couldn’t say why, maybe it brings you comfort that someone was beside you. So there you were, walking slowly to the common room while holding George’s pinkie.

When you three arrived to the common room, you felt your hand lost its warmth that George provided a few seconds ago as he pulled away...What the bloody hell?

“See you tomorrow, Meredith.” Fred called out while walking to the boy’s bedroom followed by George, you smiled and bidded your goodbye, “Goodnight, boys.”

Next morning came and you groaned in annoyance. After getting dressed, you walked down to the great hall for breakfast. You sat across the already-finishing-half-of-their-plates twins. “Merlin, Y/N, did you not sleep last night?” Fred laughed at you as soon as he saw the eye-bags beneath your eyes.

“I can’t bloody sleep, you wanker. Dunno why, though.” You gruntled and began to eat your cereal. Ohoho, but you knew exactly why.

All night you were thinking of George Weasley. Since when did everything he do seem so attractive to you? Like that night when he was laying on the grass with one of his arm supporting his head while his other arm on his torso, how the hell did he pull that look off? Why did he look so good doing it? Or the time when he held your hand to run from Filch, and you remembered how visible his veins were, and how warm his hand was... what the fuck? Bloody hell, you were almost certain you’re going crazy.

And then you remembered how he let you hold his pinkie while walking last night. Suddenly your chest felt fuzzes and buzzes, and you heard your heartbeat clearly, whoa am I okay?

The said boy waved his hand to you, snapping you out from dead-staring at your cereal, “You alright?” George asked, eyebrows slightly furrowing at you in concern. You blinked at him and coughed a bit, “Y-yeah, just remembered something.”

“Blimey, Y/N, your face is bloody red! Should we send you to the hospital wing?” Fred widened his eyes at you, munching whatever it was he was eating. You felt a hand touching your forehead, it was George’s. He stood up and reached over to touch your forehead, “I think you have a fever, Y/N.”

You flinched from his hand as you suddenly realized something. Fuzzy chest, heart beating fast, heat up to your face whenever you think of George, can’t stop remembering how good he looked like?

Merlin’s bloody beard, you like him.

“I-I gotta go.” You said abruptly, running your eyes everywhere but George’s. “What, to the hospital wing?” “You need us to walk you there, Meredith?”

“No need! Uh, see you in Potions.” You shouted as you ran out of the Great Hall and to the bathroom.

'What the hell was that, what the bloody hell was that, oh my god-' You can't stop freaking out in your head, this feeling was foreign to you. Not that you've never liked someone before, it's just that you've been so comfortable with the twins it almost sounds completely and maniacally absurd to suddenly like one of them.

You ended up avoiding the twins for the whole day that day, trying to process your own feelings because Merlin, if even one of them found out you like the other, it could be the end of your long years of friendship as a trio.

As you returned to the common room after an exhausting day of avoiding the Weasley Twins as if they were plagues, you sighed.

You could remember the confused and slightly hurt expressions of the two boys, they knew something was wrong with you but they just couldn't pinpoint what it was.

And after a long day being alone with your thoughts, you have come to terms with your feelings. You do like George Weasley, in a romantically way. That-that shouldn't be a problem now, should it?

"Oi, Meredith."

You flinched and turned around, the twins had just arrived to the common room. "Heyyy, boys..." You put out a nervous laughter and an awkward wave.

"What's the matter with you today? You've been avoiding us for hours." Fred scowled. One thing about Fred is that he is very clingy with his friends, not that you minded, it just shows that he cares. And while you knew George is the same as his older brother, he tend to keep it hidden inside, in order to not offend anyone.

George was beside him, looking quite hurt also but concerned as well. Their eyes were on you, and you weren't sure which pair of eyes you want to look at.

You sighed, "I'm sorry boys, I shouldn't have avoided you like that. I just need some time alone with myself, to..." You trailed off, eyes glancing at George for merely a second before looking away, "... To think."

"You could've told us. Georgie here was worried if the fever you had this morning got worse." Fred pouted, before smiling slightly at you. Your heart beats significantly faster at the mention of George, yet you brushed it off.

Nothing will change this friendship. Not even this feeling.

"Awh, aren't you boys adorable." You cooed and laughed before settling down, "I'm fine though, the 'fever' I had is already gone, so no worries."

George smiled at you, "Well, glad that you're fine, but you could've told us earlier!"

"We were worried!"

"Sick!"

"And here I thought we did something wrong!"

"Well we're bloody done for if that's the case."

"Totally."

You laughed loudly, these were the times where the Weasleys would finish each other sentences, clearly shows how aligned their minds work together. And sometimes they didn't even notice.

While you were laughing, the Golden Trio came in. "Hey, everyone." Harry greeted, looking at you as your laugh took his attention. "What's Y/N laughing at?" Ron, the twins' younger brother, asked with amusement.

George shrugged with a smile, "Who knows."

"Y/N laughs at everything." Fred continued.

"Just your brothers being clowns as always." You mused, finally calming down. Ron snorted loudly, "As if they've stopped being clowns for even a second."

Everybody laughed, Fred even pulled Ron into a headlock and messed with his hair, "Ickle Ronniekins is starting to be funny, eh?"

The next few days came like a blur.

You and the twins reconciled as if you've never had any misunderstandings before. You were back becoming the three infamous Hogwarts prankster trio. Just this week, you three had received 4 detentions, 2 by Snape for simply talking in his class (typical), and 2 by Professor McGonagall for sneaking a Puking Pastille into one of a Slytherin's drink during lunch.

Poor guy had to have a bucket around him for a few hours.

Fortunately, the detention was held at the Astronomy Tower, Professor McGonagall had informed that the tower needed some cleaning to do due to some owls inhabiting there for a while. While Fred was brought down to the tower stairs, George and you were instructed to clean the top floor.

"Did you see his bloody face? Boy was as pale as a paper!" You cackled in joy, moping the floor while talking to George. George joined your laughter, adding something too, "If it weren't for the bucket he's holding, pretty sure Snape would've written something on his face."

Your laughter doubled, somehow it echoed through the whole tower and you heard Fred downstairs whining, "You two lots aren't having fun without me, are you?"

"Us?" You looked downstairs, Fred was looking up looking dissatisfied that he's not up there. "Never." You and George said in unison, yet the tone in your voices obviously stated otherwise.

You quietly laughed at Fred's face, he's clearly annoyed now. "Pretty sure he's gonna sulk later on." You muttered to George, who nodded in confirmation, "Yeah, reckon would take a while to talk him out of it, eh?"

You chuckled, "Just give him some fireworks and he'll be fine." George chuckled and shook his head, looking at his older brother lazily sweeping the stairs.

As you two continued to clean, suddenly the sky turned orange. Not orange specifically, more like the combination of blue, purple, pink and orange.

Ah, the sun is setting.

You were frozen on your feet, somehow the Astronomy Tower gave a perfect view of the sunset. The orange orb slowly going underneath Black Lake, and the water just reflected all of the giant star' light. It looked so ethereal, you simply forgot how to breathe.

You went and sit at the edge of the tower, your legs dangling at the dangerously high height. Yet you feel no fear, only warmth filled your heart. "It looks amazing, George." You breathed out, your smile was as wide as a door.

George came and sit beside you, only a few inches and his fingers would caress yours. "It looks really beautiful." He sighed, enjoying the warm sunlight that kissed his skin. You turned your head to him, watching George close his eyes and just enjoying the warmth of the sun, with a soft smile on his lips.

His skin, kissed by the sun, gives off a soft golden colour, and his red hair shine gently with it. His eyelashes somehow sparkled and the whole view just took your breath away.

Not the sunset, no. George.

When he opened his eyes and looked at you, as if you were in a trance, you couldn't pull away.

"Has anyone ever told you, that you're beautiful, George?" You breathed out, regardless of how breathless you feel under his stare.

"People had called me handsome and dashing before. But beautiful?" He slowly smiled, "... Not yet."

You blinked and looked away, nervously laughing. "W-well, you are. And so is Fred, and so am I." You covered up, your eyes watching the sun that is now getting smaller by time.

"Everyone knows you're beautiful, Y/N."

You snickered, "What was that supposed to mean, Weasley?" You teased, yet the heartbeat in your chest started to pick up its pace.

"Anything that you want it to be, sweetheart."

Your heart, as it seems, had plummeted to the center of the Earth. The heat in your face seems to double up, reckon that it's not the sunlight.

"Aren't you a bloody flirt." You shoved him to the side, chuckling. He joined as well.

As you looked at the sunset, suddenly there is this bravery inside of you. "Hey." You called. George looked at you, urging you to continue.

"I have someone that I like."

George's big eyes was so mistake that he was surprised. Y/N, the kid who has been growing up with them since babies, is liking someone?

"Who's the unlucky lad?" George asked excitedly. You rolled your eyes in playfulness. While your heart screamed, "IT'S YOU, YOU MONKEY!", you simply said, "None of your business, Weasley."

George scoffed, "Then why bother telling me." He said in a fake-hurt tone, and you chuckled. "Because it's not a big deal. I just... want to let things out."

"Well, let it out then."

You smiled, realizing George was looking at you, yet you kept your eyes to the slowly dissipating sun. "I wonder what it's like to be the one he loves."

"Ah, it's a he." He teased. You laughed and swatted him playfully, "Let me talk, woman."

"I wonder how he would be with his lover. Would he bring them to late night dates at Hogsmeade? Would he sneak into their dorm just wanting to cuddle?" You softly smiled, your heartbeat was increasing per second.

This is like an involuntary confession.

"Would he bring them home during Christmas to spend time with his family? Or would he give them gifts, no matter how many times they say it's okay. Would he... give his affection in public? Or in private because he's a tad shy?"

The surroundings turned quiet, and the orange sky had turned purple, the sun was no longer present, instead the little stars started to come out and play.

Suddenly the emotions came swarming at you, making you choked up. Tears were threatening to fall from the bridge of your eyes to you cheeks, and you cursed under your breath. "W-would he... give a chance to me? And let me see by myself if my wonderings are correct?"

You looked at him, George who was dumbfounded and looking stunned, and you smiled with teary-eyes, "I wonder."

PART 2: READ

(You can go to my masterlist to read other fics! Masterlist is in my bio :D)

#george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader #george weasley #fredweasley #george fabian weasley #fred gideon weasley #fred weasley #georgeweasley #fred and george #George weasley imagine #hogwarts

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wesimpforxiao · 3 years

Text

Say My Name and I’ll Be There: 5.1

Author’s Note: How’s everyone liking the story so far? Kinda getting into my head about how stiff the writing is. Maybe it just feels stiff to me, idk. Anyways, here’s an early chapter!

"So, why are your eyes different colors?" Childe caught you alone while you gathered firewood a few yards away from the camp. The sun had long set, leaving you to rely on a lantern and the dim light of the distant fire. He was limping from your sparring session earlier.

You had beat him.

And man, did it feel good.

"We crossed paths with a merchant that was traveling from Fontaine. He said they're 'contacts.' Basically little objects a person can put across their pupils and change their color," you repeated the rehearsed words a little too perfectly for Childe to believe.

"Oh? I've never heard of that invention before," he tested.

"I guess it's new? Like the kamera devices they recently developed? Aether has one of those." You watched as he kept his hands idle at his sides.

"Interesting. And Aether was the one who told you to say this to me?" He blocked your path to the fire by placing a hand against the tree that stood behind you. What a terrible liar you make, ojou-chan. His friendly smile never left his lips, but it never reached his eyes. They were cold and demeaning as they examined yours.

"I-I," you stumbled over your words. "Why are you acting so weird, Childe?" You tried to laugh him off and attempted to duck under his arm. What to say, what to say! Oh, maybe this'll work? "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're acting like a schoolboy crushing on one of his friends."

It might have been a wrong move.

He pinned your shoulders to the tree and made sure no one had their eyes on the two of you. "On the contrary, you began acting strangely the minute I found you today." Something in his gaze faltered as he replayed your words in his head. Perhaps I am acting like a schoolboy. But I can't help it if I'm infatuated with my target. His eyes fell to the shimmering necklace resting against your collarbone, and he gently touched it. "This is new."

"Don't touch that," you slapped his hand away.

"I don't recall you wearing such a genuine cor lapis charm before. Where'd you get this from?"

"It was my Granny's."

Childe scrunched his nose at the answer, a brief look of internal conflict passing over his face like a cloud. 'Was?' The woman passed? I made sure she wouldn't get hurt by my men. So then how did she-- He wanted to ask until the realization struck him. They went to Quince Village after my leaving. She saw the Fatui there--

You were too enraged to notice him visually fight himself and approached the campsite with an armful of branches. You made a point to sit next to Xiao and glared at the Harbinger as he returned.

He maintained eye contact with you, even after sitting across the fire from you and the yaksha. Your pupils seemed to glow from his perspective. The fire licked the air in between you until all he could make out was the anger in your eyes. She knows. He mentally kicked himself, but only partially because of the possible complications this could pose for Signora and her grand plan. If you were this angry, there was a chance you had told the yaksha. And if the yaksha saw the Fatui, or at least heard of what you thought happened, then there's a chance he told Mr. Zhongli. While he could not break the contract with the Tsaritsa, he'd find a way around the stated rules. He made a fool of Childe once; he could do it again.

Childe didn't care in the slightest about fighting the entire group--though he was a bit afraid of facing the yaksha despite his urge to fight every living thing on Teyvat. The only thing that mattered to him was you. And if you were angry enough to fight, vision or not, he'd have to take you by force. You may hold a special place in his heart, but his feelings for you meant nothing compared to his loyalty for the Tsaritsa.

One chance, the harbinger strengthened his resolve. I'll give her one chance to prove herself. If she fails, I won't hesitate to take that which will secure Snezhnaya's future.

...................................................................

Several days passed by without incident--

--Is what I'd like to say, but unfortunately, that didn't hold true for you.

Childe and his unrelenting pleas for battles continued to reach your ears day in and day out. He was the one that was attached to your hip, not Xiao. You had only realized today that Childe was around you more often than the yaksha ever since he greeted you with a jumpscare at Luhua Pool. To make matters worse, Xiao neglected to make a move towards him.

She can handle herself, he thought after witnessing the stunts you pulled on Childe. Xiao recognized that the movements you were using as his own; perhaps there was an upside to you unconsciously peeking in on his memories. He put himself on standby when he came to the realization. But make no mistake, he would and will protect you if things got out of hand with the harbinger. He just figured he'd take a step back and quietly observe his weak points, just like the old days. The days in which Childe did not pose a serious threat to the group; when all that was between you and the harbinger was harmless bickering.

It would seem like those old days were still fresh to an outsider, but as the days passed by, you were growing increasingly frustrated with Childe's behavior. After all, how could he continue to play the part of an oblivious comrade, when it was clear as day that the tensions within the group were growing? How could he even call you a comrade with a straight face? How was it that he felt no remorse for his actions toward Granny when he looked you in the eye?

How was it that he could be so carefree?

Maybe part of you envied him for it. Your inner grumblings did you no favor in the present moment though; the team had stepped into the western side of Dragonspine. Your four coats made almost no difference against the sheer cold, and your body shivered uncontrollably even though warmer weather was only a hundred yards behind you.

Everyone except Xiao and Aether wore warm clothes, and it looked like the poor outlander regretted his decision to forego the garments. Xiao appeared to be unbothered and more energetic than usual. Childe looked like he was right at home with the weather, his shirt still sloppily unbuttoned to reveal his toned body underneath. Bennet walked alongside you and was replacing Zhongli for the time being.

Snowflakes lazily floated their way down to earth, but they did nothing to grab your attention when the wind continued to howl against the team's direction. You caught Xiao letting snow collect in his hand with an almost childlike wonder, but he glared at you when he found you staring.

"I want to find some dragon teeth for a sword and since you haven't been here before I thought it'd be a good idea to show you around," Aether called out to you over his shoulder, his arms crossing over his bare stomach for an ounce of warmth.

"You're insane!"

Aether's laugh mixed with the clattering of his teeth. "You only live once, right?" You removed two of your coats and threw them over his head. "T-t-thanks."

You rolled your eyes despite the fact that you were smiling at him, only for your gaze to lock with Xiao's look of disapproval. 'Mortals are fragile,' you interpreted his frown and giggled.

"Here we go!" Bennet lit the firepit with his flaming sword and knelt down in front of it. Everyone joined him; Aether was especially close to the flames.

"It's kind of annoying to find fire every five minutes," you shivered violently. "And you practically go up here for fun?"

"It gets easier the more we do it," Paimon giggled with a nervous smile. "Besides, we get to mine starsilver and find cool dragon stuff that we can sell--"

"Don't lump me in with you," Aether piped up without moving away from the fire.

The distant sound of a conversation was carried over by a bone-chilling breeze. "Huh? Should we go check it out?" Paimon stared in the direction the vague voices were coming from.

"U-uh-huh," nodded Aether.

The group stumbled over a hill only to find the body cavity of Durin. While it threw you off, the sight around the remains was what chilled you to the bone. Of course there's Fatui here, you scoffed.

"I see a tooth over there too," Aether whined.

"What's everyone looking at me for?" Childe let out a nervous chuckle and awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "These aren't my guys."

"We know," Paimon cooed.

"That's why we want you to go talk to them and let us pass," Aether held the smuggest expression you've ever seen him pull off.

"Uh...I'm not under any jurisdiction to--"

"Do it," you ordered with cold eyes. When he locked eyes with you, you stood on your tip-toes and spoke in his ear. "Prove your loyalty to the group."

"My loyalty, ojou-chan," his eyes narrowed significantly, "lies with Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa."

"Uh-oh," Paimon poofed out of existence.

"Uh, guys? Those Fatui agents are approaching us reeeaal fast," Bennett warned.

The two of you broke eye contact to find that he was right. One electro and two geo skirmishers were walking towards the group. Poofing would be a more accurate description. Childe gave you a final look before he hopped over a log to greet them.

"Greetings!" He didn't smile, and the skirmishers stopped in their tracks.

"Master Childe? We didn't realize you'd be joining us on the mountain." The three of them knelt out of respect.

"It's a surprise visit, really. I came to check on your progress--" The group made their way around the Fatui and Aether yanked the large tooth out of the ground while Childe chattered away with his subordinates.

#xiao x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact xiao #xiao genshin impact #fanfiction #xiao one shot #xiao fanfiction

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raahosh · 3 years

Text

Type: Cassian x reader.

Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses.

Summary: You had a mission, a mission assigned by your superiors and it was killing the Commander of the Night Court’s army. (Part 1)

Warning: A bit of hot, not smut but yeah you know what I mean and some angst maybe.

Authors note: I’m doing the requests but I finally got to finish this draft. When I’m not doing requests I make a lot of Cassian x reader because, what’s not a secret, he’s my favorite and this is one of the most here since the beginning of this account.

The moon was already up and brighter than ever as night fell, waiting for the Earth to rotate and return the sun, which would only take 6 hours. You had six hours to kill the Night Court's army's general and flee without being noticed. You just had a few days to deliver his head to the King, and the night had been scheduled since the beginning of the month. There's just one problem: you had no idea who this guy was.

Your boss had just told you that this man was in the House's last room, so there was a good chance of you killing the wrong guy. So, without further ado, you left, snatched up your best daggers, poisoned it and dashed to the Night Court.

You were almost invisible, able to enter and exit without anyone seeing or even noticing someone was there. Like a shadow, your steps were quiet. It whisked you away to the room you knew he were, and when you opened the door, you were greeted by a large figure lying backward on a colossal bed. Wings in front of him relaxed as if it were a blanket protecting someone.

You didn't pay attention to details when you first entered the room. First, you lifted your hands, you would use any necessary power in this moment. A wind barrier involved the room, so no one could hear anything outside. You wanted to get out as soon as possible without leaving any witness or time for someone to think.

Your hand lifted the poisoned dagger and the other prepared to use your shadows on your favor, but then you felt something. It started out as just a click, but then your brain couldn't get enough of the word "mate", and it was repeated over and over.

Mate. My mate. Mine. Mate.

Your throat was so constricted that you couldn't even breathe. It was your mate, your mate, that you were supposed to kill. That's when you noticed, you took a step closer and noticed something else, someone you hadn't noticed before because his wings were covering it.

The word "Mate" was almost torturous in your mind, and the girl next to the one who was supposed to be yours, as well as the dagger in your hands, didn't let you forget why you came. And it was then that you realized you had taken far too long to consider, act, or even quit. When someone came up behind you and knocked you down.

You awoke somewhere you didn't recognize, surrounded by four cold iron walls. You were trapped, trapped somewhere no one could hear your screams. Your arms are cuffed, one on either side of your body, and your legs are in the same place. It was unsettling because you wondered what would happen next.

When a large man entered the room, everything changed. His movements were slow and deliberate, bringing him closer to you. This is your mate, the guy you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with because he was your other half, but now... He now plans to murder you, torture you.

He was as cold as a stone, showing no signs of fear or rage. His steps brought him in front of you, where his gaze met yours and then the rest of your body, analyzing you from head to toe, your expressions or even movement being put to the test.

“What are you?” His sound was also devoid of any emotion.

“Someone you wouldn't want to kill if you knew who they were.” You spoke in a whisper hoping he wouldn't hear you. But he did hear something, maybe not what you said but some murmurs, so he took a step forward and stared you in the eyes as if to say, ‘What did you say?’ but you simply raised your head and returned the stare. “Y/N Y/L/N” A slight smile spread over your face, indicating that you were not afraid.

He drew his dagger from his belt, spun the top of it on his finger, and gripped it tightly. “All right, I'm going to ask you this once. Therefore, pay attention.” His voice were as icy as the air that consumed you both. “Who you work for and what were you doing in my room?”

You swallowed dryly before lifting your head once more. That's when you saw him hesitating, as if something inside him had shifted, maybe some sort of uncertainty or even discomfort. And that’s when you saw, you knew the bond clicked for him too. But it came so quickly; he became cold again the next second, his breath the only sign of mental instability. You would pay a lot just to know what went through his mind.

“So it clicked for you too...” A sarcastic chuckle escaped your mouth. “I’m as surprised as you are. You'd be dead right now if it weren't for this damn bond.” You didn't shift your gaze; in fact, you seemed far more menacing.

Then everything was a blur, someone entered the room, and you were tortured like you'd never been before. Your breathing was irregular; in fact, you couldn't breathe at all, but you didn't say anything. You wouldn't, because, if you did, at home, it would be much worse.

They were enraged that you didn't give any type of information, didn’t even say a word and the last thing you recall seeing was the shadowsinger's face, which was even colder than his friend's. You awoke in a bed where you had no idea where you were.

The room was unlike any other you'd ever seen, and you were here. So, you thought you should run, but when you tried to use your powers, it was gone, and when you tried to get up, you felt an excruciating pain invading your body. After that, someone entering.

‘Ok, so, Cassian, the last time I checked she was stable but... Oh, so glad you woke up.” The woman didn’t smile, not that she was actually glad. You rolled your eyes. “I’m going to let you alone.

So the guy you'd come to know as Cassian approached you and sat on a small bench next to your bed. He seemed to be less enraged or cold now, but... Worry? Was it concern that you detected in his expression?

“So, who actually are you?” He said sighing, like he has done so much this morning.

“Why do you want to know?” You raised your brow.

“God, can you be easier? You’re my mate, that is the only reason I didn’t let Rhys and Azriel kill you. So, you tell me who are you and why you wanted to kill me or I’m not going to be nice the next time.” He was still looking tired, but his speech was firmer this time.

“You, more than anyone, know that I can’t. I would never risk my family’s life’

He tried not to show emotion but the bond screamed something you didn’t understand.

“All right, I'm going to be more serious than I have ever been in my life, and you are going to listen to me. You will shake your head at the end telling me you understood.” His expression had changed significantly. He rested his hands on the edge of the bed and gave you a menacing stare that made you shiver and nod. “You are going to tell me who you work for or I am going to figure out myself and it will be worse. I don’t care if you are my mate, because this time I am not going to be good with you.”

She swallowed dry when her eyes finally met his, a little bit of scare on her glance but not too much to make her actually betray her country. Y/N trained her entire life to be at the position she’s at, being the spy and assassin master of her Court. Her head was harder than a stone, she trained it to be because she knew what a daemati is.

“Listen, we’re not going anywhere with it. I’m not going to tell you.” her tone was a bit lower than before, not with afraid but respect.

“You won’t make it easy, will you?” Cassian didn’t lower his head, the only sign of exhaustion was his concerned sigh. She believed that he trained as much as her, if not more, to hide his feelings and do his job with any interruption.

Y/N didn’t respond, instead she looked through the window in the other side of the room. In her Court things aren’t like that, there isn’t any color or happiness, even though they learned to be like that and even found ways to have fun. The small amount of time she spent there showed her how they really care for people and The Night Court wasn’t the horror people make it be.

“Ok, you’re not going anywhere anyway.” He stood up.

#cassian x reader #cassian acotar #cassian #acotar #acotar x reader #bat boys #illyrian

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glitterrosesnz · 3 years

Text

it is currently *(checks clock)* midnight in my time zone, which means its technically april 30th, which just so happens to be a certain Mr. Diluc’s birthday-

so, of course, ive got a fic for him

---

Aether entered the tavern, Paimon fluttering behind him as he walked up to the counter with a smile on his face, before pausing, looking Diluc up and down.

"...Are you okay?" He asked, and Diluc sighed.

"I'm fine." He said, and was Aether hearing things, or was that a bit of congestion in his voice? "Is there something you need?"

"Oh! Um, two apple ciders please." Aether said. Diluc quietly prepared the drinks, sliding them across the counter when he was done. Aether put some mora on the table, picked up the two glasses, handing one to Paimon, and with one last suspicious glance at Diluc, walked up the stairs to the second floor. Diluc watched until the two of them were out of sight- and then his breath hitched, and he quickly stifled a sneeze into his arm.

"Heh- Hi'NGKT-uu!" He sniffled as he absentmindedly rubbed his nose on his sleeve, turning back around to face the front of the tavern.

Only to find Venti sitting at the counter, staring at him with an incredibly disapproving look on his face.

Diluc startled a little at his sudden appearance, but quickly pulled himself back together.

"...What?" Diluc asked, "Do you need something?"

"You're sick." Venti said, and the tone of voice he used made Diluc wince, feeling like he'd just been caught doing something bad. "You should go home and rest, y'know."

"I'm fine." Diluc insisted, turning away so that he wouldn't have to keep seeing Venti's disappointed expression. "Besides, there's work to be done here."

There was some rustling behind him, and then a thump, and Diluc cautiously looked over his shoulder- barely keeping himself from jumping in surprise to see that Venti was now standing right beside him. He must've jumped over the counter.

"What are you doing- hEY!" Diluc yelped, voice cracking a little as Venti effortlessly picked him up, throwing him over his shoulder to carry him. There were some cheers from the other patrons in the bar, somehow, they'd attracted an audience without Diluc noticing. He struggled, squirming and kicking a little as he tried to free himself from the bard's grip, only to find himself unable to. Venti must've been using some of his godly strength.

Ignoring Diluc's struggling, Venti walked out of Angel's Share, waving to the other patrons as he left.

Did. Did he plan to carry Diluc the whole way back to Dawn Winery?

Apparently not, as Venti paused for a moment, looked around to make sure there wasn't any witnesses-

And teleported the two of them to the statue closest to the winery.

"Apologies, I only have enough power to teleport to statues nowadays." Venti said, starting to walk towards the winery. "We'll have to walk the rest of the way."

"I can walk by myself." Diluc said, sniffling. "Put me down."

"Nu-uh. No way. I'm genuinely certain that, should I let you go, you shall attempt to go back to work, and that is something I simply cannot allow."

"Aren't you supposed to support me in having the freedom to do what I want?" Diluc asked.

"Not if said 'freedom' is detrimental to your health." Venti said, "You do have limits, y'know?"

Diluc, in fact, did know his limits. And sure, he had been feeling a bit light headed earlier, but that didn't mean he was just going to let Venti carry him all the way to Dawn Winery.

Especially since-

"Ven....Venti, put me..hih.....put me down- hEH-" Diluc squirmed as his breath hitched, the faint tickle he'd been feeling all day suddenly growing a lot more intense. "Hih- Hi'ESCHI-uu! Heh- H'TSSCH-iew!"

"Please at the very least try not to dirty my cloak." Venti said, his stride not hesitating at all as he continued to walk, seemingly, for the most part, unbothered.

Now, what Diluc did next was, admittedly, very petty and childish. But, to be fair, he'd had a long day, so maybe a little bit of pettiness was understandable.

He rubbed his nose on Venti's cloak.

Venti gasped in offense, but Diluc barely payed attention to it, as he suddenly realized exactly why the tickle in his nose had suddenly grown worse.

Venti was covered in pollen.

"HehH-Hi'TSSCH! H'ESSCHI-uu! Hih-" Diluc struggled more in an attempt to distance himself from the allergen, but unless Venti put him down... "Hi'ETTCH-iew!"

"Geez...Are you okay? Those sounded rough." Venti asked, oblivious to the fact that he was the reason for Diluc's increased suffering.

"It's.....hIH....the, the pollen- hEH- H'ESSCHI-iew!" Diluc struggled to say in between hitching breaths.

"The pollen? I don't- oh!" Venti said, the realization striking him. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

He finally, finally, put Diluc down, not that Diluc actually was in a proper state to appreciate it. He continued to muffle sneeze after sneeze in his hands, the force of some of them snapping him in half. Venti winced as another sneeze sounded like it tore at Diluc's throat.

"Sorry." Venti said, again. "I... I forgot about your allergies."

"It's....okay." Diluc said, sniffling wetly, the congestion in his voice now significantly worse than before. "I....hih...I try not to make it- H'TSCH-uu!..... make it obvious."

"Still though. I should've remembered." Venti said, and upon seeing that the redhead's sneeze fit was starting to die down, pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket. "Here, take this."

Diluc, still using his hands to cover his nose and mouth, eyed the piece of cloth dubiously.

"I promise it's pollen free this time." Venti said, and Diluc, not seeing any trace of lying or mischief on Venti's face, finally took the handkerchief, using it to both wipe and blow his nose. While he did so, Venti took the time to carefully use his anemo to blow any pollen residue off of himself.

"Dawn Winery is still about ten minutes away." He said, once he was sure he was pollen free. "Are you sure you can walk that far?"

"I'll be fine." Diluc sniffed, pocketing the handkerchief, already planning to wash it and give it back later. "You don't need to come along."

"Hmm. I better make sure you actually go home, instead of wandering off to fight or something." Venti said, smiling a little. "Just to be sure."

"...Whatever."

Night fell over Dawn Winery, and Diluc's body ached in protest as he slowly, and silently, walked down the stairs towards the front door, his claymore strapped to his back. He felt congested, and his head was pounding with a headache that had developed shortly after Venti had dropped him off, and had not gone away despite the small nap he'd taken. But still, despite this, he still had his duties as the "Darknight Hero". Unlike running the bar, which another member of the staff could take over, there wasn't exactly someone who could fill in for his vigilante duties. Which meant that, despite the fact he'd rather just go back to bed, he had to go out and patrol Mondstadt.

"Ahem. Where do you think you're going?"

Diluc froze mid-step, turning his head to find-

Venti, sitting on the window sill, his bow leaning against the wall beside him.

"Were you really planning on going out again while in this condition?" He asked, clicking his tongue in disappointment. "I expected that you'd know better."

"There isn't exactly someone else who can take over this job." Diluc whispered, both out of a desire to not accidentally wake any of the staff that was sleeping in the winery, but also because he'd discovered earlier that his voice was nearly shot.

"I'm sorry? Who do you think I am?" Venti said, sounding offended, picking up his bow and giving it a little twirl. "I've already done the nighttime patrol for you. There was nothing but one or two petty thieves, which I dealt with rather quickly."

"...You did that for me?"

"Mhm. It was kinda fun actually. Gives me something to do, since I don't really sleep anyways..." Venti said, sentence trailing off as he seemed to remember... something. "Anyways, speaking of sleep, you should be getting back to bed."

He jumped down from the window sill, placing his bow to lean against the wall again, walking over to where Diluc stood. Carefully, Venti took the claymore off of Diluc's back, and Diluc couldn't resist his body slumping with relief at the loss of the weight.

He must've been more tired than he thought he was, because he didn't protest as Venti held his hand and led him back up the stairs and into his bedroom. Diluc stumbled a little as he took off his boots, not even bothering with the rest of his clothes as he climbed into the bed. He could deal with the consequences of not changing into pyjama's when he woke up in the morning.

His nose suddenly twitched, and he curled up a little, stifling a sneeze.

"Hih- H'NGXt-uu!" He sighed tiredly after wards, closing his eyes, and Venti laughed as he placed some blankets down on top of him.

"Bless you." He said, and suddenly Diluc felt a lot more comfortable, and relaxed than before.

He felt suspiciously comfortable and relaxed, actually.

Summoning up a bit more energy, he opened one eye to glance at Venti.

"Did you just actually bless me?" He muttered, "Like. In the whole 'godly gift' kinda way?"

"...Maybe. Yes." Venti gave a sheepish chuckle that clearly said that it hadn't been intentional. "Don't worry. You'll just feel more relaxed and free for a day or two. It'll wear off."

Diluc, mildly reassured by that, hummed in response, body fully relaxing as he finally fell asleep with no worries.

#Gen/shin #snz #snz fic #Aether is only there at the beginning..... hjdflskfjslfd #Chaotic Mom Friend Venti strikes again #there is no title because do i LOOK like the kind of person who's good at making titles?? i sure hope i dont because i SUCK at titles

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cursestothemoon · 3 years

Text

A Bench And Piece of Parchment’s Length Away

requested: yess

Cedric Diggory x Ravenclaw!Fem!reader (i just noticed you hadn't specified fem! or not in your request so you’d like me to change it please let me know ill be more than happy to do it!!)

Summary: Cedric likes Y/n, a lot. But every time he tries to talk to her the universe just seems to have other plans, maybe this time he's found a loophole...

Warnings: mentions of vomiting

Word count: 2571 (i got a tad carried away)

This one is sO cute I really love this one, thank you for requesting

✧✧✧

The first time Cedric tried asking you out didn’t go over so smoothly. It had been a month or so before the Yule Ball and he needed a date, naturally you were first to come to mind. The Hufflepuff had harbored an intense, often even painful, crush on you ever since McGonagall pulled you up in front of the transfiguration class as a ‘model student’. That was third year, now halfway into his sixth, he had to do something about his feelings.

You were sitting with Cho Chang, a housemate of yours, and he couldn’t help but think obviously the universe wanted this to happen because why else would you be sitting, practically alone, just waiting for him to come sweep you off your feet.

He had gotten a bit too cocky.

It was on his way to you, stepping with the utmost swagger, that he noticed Lee Jordan also seemed to be sauntering in your direction and he was significantly closer than Cedric was. Suddenly his walk seemed to lose all of its swagger and he picked up his pace, glaring at the Gryffindor.

Cedric still had hope when Lee reached you first, maybe he wasn’t going to ask you to the ba-

Why were you smiling?

You were being polite right? That’s it you were just polite, he still had his chance.

Not nodding, why have you started to nod your head?

Cedric knew he should’ve turned around but he just couldn’t, his feet wouldn’t let him. His was within earshot now and people had noticed him, he couldn't just turn around now.

“-love to go with you Lee.”

Oh how he wished he’d just disappear, transfigure into a leaf or something and get carried away by the wind.

And Merlin, now you're turning to look at him

Think Cedric

Thin-

“Cho!” He all but shouted, gaining the attention of not only you and Lee, but also anyone else within a five foot radius.

“Cedric, you alright?” Cho smiled up at him kindly.

That was how he ended up asking Cho Chang to the Yule Ball. He felt terrible about it, really, Cho was beautiful, and she was smart, and kind, but she just wasn’t you. Cedric had rushed away from the scene so fast, rather embarrassed, he failed to notice the way your mood had dropped and the look Cho gave you after Lee had left.

From that point on he was sure talking to you just wasn’t meant to be, now preferring to watch you from the sidelines. It was a rough week for him following the Yule Ball when Lee seemed to always be just right beside you, luckily Cedric hadn’t had to endure it long.

It was a sunny Wednesday, rather warm, when he got his bright idea. He and his group of friends had been lounging, quite ungracefully, at a bench in the courtyard. It was only when you walked over to them that he popped looking a bit disheveled, his robes a tad askew.

“Hey Y/n.” He put on his most charming smile.

You met his eyes and Cedric swore you grew more beautiful by the day.

“Hi Cedric, sorry to bother but I left my book under the bench yesterday. I just wanted to grab it and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Cedric realized what had happened immediately. They had sat on your bench, well not yours, but there was an unspoken agreement between you and your friends that this bench was the bench you’d all meet at and now he had parked his own behind on it.

“Oh, oh, right.” He was quick to reach down and grab your book scolding himself in the process. He should’ve known it was your book, let alone your bench, he had only watched you sit on it and keep your book under for picking it up on your way to class the next day (lightens the load he presumes) for months now.

He handed you the book and it seemed as if a lightbulb went off. You left your book here, in the courtyard, it was perfect.

Cedric was up, probably most of the night, writing his letter to you. His dorm mates having retired with grunted goodnights, not really caring who he was sending what seemed like a novel of a letter to.

Three broken quills, five pieces of parchment thrown in the rubbish bin, and one ink bottle spill later...he was done. He sealed it carefully and placed it under his pillow hoping he’d catch at least a few hours of sleep before lessons in the morning.

It was like clockwork really. He made sure his friends avoided the bench, watched as you strutted your way to the bench, met with your friends before your next lesson, and just before leaving, you hid your book behind one of the thick legs of the bench.

Perfect

He told his friends to go on without him, he’d dropped something and he’d be just a moment. His look around your bench with a feigned expression of curiosity and frustration was enough for his friends to believe what he was saying, or they didn’t have the heart to tell him he wasn’t that great of an actor. Either way, they let him be.

Cedric worked quickly, he pulled out the book from its hiding spot with a small smile, he’d make sure to hold your books for you when (he was certain it was destined) you fell in love with him. He tucked his letter behind the front cover and placed it back into its spot, waiting for you to come grab it in the morning on your way to History of Magic.

This morning had been rough for you, your tie did not want to cooperate and now sat crooked enough to drive you mad, and to make matters worse you were late to your History of Magic class. You had grabbed your textbook from under the bench, it was thick and you always hated carrying it hence, the bench, and grumbled your way to class. Upon arrival you were regretfully informed of your five minutes of absence, luckily Professor Binns was feeling generous and let you off with a warning.

You plopped down into your seat and threw open the cover of your book with some dramatics, but you weren’t expecting the book to retaliate and spit an envelope into your lap. Professor Binns assigned reading from the textbook and you were quick to get it done before you examined the letter further.

The front of the envelope was bare, not a scratch of ink present which only ignited your curiosity. Fumbling, you finally got it open without drawing any attention to yourself and unfolded the letter. The handwriting was neat, uniform, and without a doubt, belonging to a boy.

Dear Y/n,

I hope this letter finds you well, and Merlin I hope it doesn’t rain or else this would be a mess. If everything has worked in my favor, and I pray it does, and you are reading this then I would like you to know how incredibly captivating I find you. You’re quite the sight, I must say, but more than that you are kind and witty. You are smart and confident, in the best, most attractive way possible.

I’ve watched you a lot, wait, no that sounds awfully creepy. I swear I’m not some old prat, or one of the professors. What I was meaning to say was that I’ve admired your beauty from afar for quite some time and it seems as though anytime I try to talk to you face to face things never seem to go as I’ve planned them, so I’m hoping this letter is a bit like a loophole.

Regardless, beauty, grace, and brains like yours deserve to be not only noticed, but complimented. And with the barrier of this parchment, I am not as nervous to tell you, but I’ve fallen in love with you, all of you. I do hope one day I’d be able to hear the same confession fall from your lips in my direction.

All my love,

Badger

Suddenly, your morning wasn’t so bad. Your stomach felt very airy and your face hot, you looked around to make sure no one had noticed just how flustered you became. Luckily, no one did and you were able to put the note into your bag discreetly, just before class was over.

On your way to your next class you thought about who it could be, Badger, what an awfully unique name to go by. The gears in your brain start to turn, it had to be a clue, but what did badger have anything to do-

Hufflepuff.

Your secret admirer was obviously a Hufflepuff and your heart leaped at the idea of it possibly being Cedric Diggory. You had strategically picked the bench where your friends meet you to be the one closest to where he and his friends would usually hang out. Of course you two had talked on a few occasions but he always seemed a bit reserved around you, a flirty remark or two (if you were lucky) and that was it so clearly it couldn’t be him. But oh how a girl could hope.

The next few weeks went on the same way, every Wednesday you’d get your book in the morning and you’d find a letter in it. Each one having a small clue as to who it was, the first one being the pen name Badger, next it was ‘...my family is quite small, just me and my parents…’ , then you got ‘...you’re my lucky charm, you know? If I see you in the stands during a quidditch game, I just know we’ll win…” , the last letter, however, was the reason you were so quick to get to your book today.

“...I’ve decided to just go for it Y/n, I can’t stand not being able to talk to you face to face any longer. In the next letter find my name...”

He had put his name in this letter and you were more than excited to see who it was. You had tried to pay attention, really you had, but the person was just far too sneaky.

And Cedric was proud of it. He had watched you open each letter at the bench, every Wednesday, for the last few weeks. He had gotten very good at hiding the letter in your textbook, some days he’d levitate it into the book, other times he’d bribe some first year to slip in his letter while he watched from afar.

He was tired of being so far, finally deciding to just go for it, but his stomach couldn’t handle watching you rush to today’s letter and open it far quicker than he's ever seen you open one. Cedric was nauseous with nerves as he quickly rushed to his next class, mumbling out an excuse of having to ask his professor about something.

You tore open the envelope, no time for sentiments now when the name of your secret admirer was just beneath your fingertips.

Dear y/n,

neRve wracking, isn’t It? if You happen to miraCulously harbour an ounce of the feelings i dO for you, meet me at this benCh tonight duRing dinner. if you fail to show, I complEtely understand and will hold nothinG against you, please don’t feel obliGated to do anything for me.

all my love,

baDger

Of course he wouldn’t make it easy, now forcing you to wait until you could get a piece of parchment out to write out all the letters, undoubtedly they also happen to be in the wrong order.

Professor Binns was as monotone as always, his lecture droning on so you found it an opportune time to find out who this mystery man was.

D R I Y C O C R I E G G D

You huffed, quill ready to decipher the letters that just had to be out of order.

GREG YIRDCOCD

Your hand was quick to scratch that one out.

EGGY CODDIRRC

Well that can’t be right

A quiet groan passed through your lips as you set you quill down, eyes going over the letters again. You looked around subtly before you decided to try your luck, it seemed like it would fit.

CEDRIC

You paused, there was no way it would work.

DIGGORY

It fit stupidly well, Hufflepuff, quidditch, only child, stupidly charming and boyish handwriting. The only part not making sense was that they were to you. Of all people he was writing to you. The gasp left your lips and it was far too loud to go unnoticed by the class.

“Sorry, sorry. I just… get really… into the lesson.” You said awkwardly, Professor Binns not buying it but he couldn’t find it in him to really care all that much.

You shrunk back into your seat, hands getting sweaty. You were meeting him… tonight.

The air was brisk as you made your way to the courtyard, you chewed at your bottom lip as you thought about Cedric Diggory sitting there waiting for you. The negative thoughts were being pushed away, he just wasn’t the type to play a prank this mean...was he? Or maybe it wasn’t him at all, those twins have been rather quiet lately.

The thoughts seemed to dissipate as you saw him, you were still a few pillars away and he was sitting on the bench looking at the grass so he hadn’t seen you yet. He was wringing his hands together as his knee bounced, he was nervous. The notion made your heart flutter and a small smile appear on your lips, but fueling you with confidence as you walked closer to him.

Cedric was beyond nervous, and if you didn’t show up within the next ten minutes he was sure that he was going to puke into the bushed to his right. Fortunately for him, he lifted his head to see you walking toward him, a beaming smile on your face and just like that, maybe he didn’t need to be so nervous after all.

“Y/n, you cam-” He was cut off, really glad he hadn’t gotten sick.

Once you reached him, overcome with the feeling of not wanting to be so far anymore, you pulled his head down low enough for you to kiss him. Cedric was quick to act, having been waiting for this moment for a while now, and wrapped his arms around your waist tightly. With no room left between the two of you, Cedric deepened the kiss as he felt your hands run through his hair and tug at the ends. And he for sure thought he was dreaming when he pulled away, reluctantly himself, and watched as your lips trailed after his. He couldn’t help but lean back in, capturing your lips again in another kiss before pulling away.

“I love you, Ced.” Your words were whispered with a smile and his brain went fuzzy.

He smiled big, eyes crinkling as he looked at you, lips swollen, and breathing just a tad quicker than normal.

“Well, thank Merlin for that or else you would’ve been sending very mixed signals, darling.”

His hand came up to brush some hair away from your face as you laughed.

“I am completely, irrevocably, in love with you, Y/n.”

#Cedric Diggory #cedric diggory imagine #cedric diggory x reader #cedric diggory x ravenclaw #Harry Potter imagines

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