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anantaru · 2 months

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— comforting you on a bad day

including — scaramouche, wriothesley, alhaitham, childe x gn! reader

genre — fluff, hurt -> comfort

— scaramouche

scaramouche finds you sitting on the couch, burying your face into your hands.

easy to see, he knew you must've had a bad day or that something inconvenient must've happen to you— and unquestionably, he feels a slight function of heartache when you're suddenly pulling your head up to look at him walk towards you, gloom settling on his countenance.

scaramouche doesn't say anything at first, he doesn't want to make you overwhelmed or like you had to talk about it, it was up to you if you wanted of course. but it was interesting to see how dependable he was on your happiness, because the man detested seeing your smile fade, he'd do anything to bring it back— as soon as you're sad, unahappy or dejected, he's beginning to feel it with you.

he was angry— bend out of his usual shape because he cannot find a quick solution to this, he just doesn't want to see you covered in a gloomy mask.

however, instead of resorting back to his past methods of handling situations such as those, especially the ones that come close to his own emotions, scaramouche decides to take a seat right next to you before placing his hand on his knee, but with his palm facing up— you see, as if to invite you to take it.

hopefully you do.

"you're quiet," he inquires shortly after, tilting his head to look at you, "on any other day, you'd greet me the moment i walk through that door," he purses his lips a little, the hand on his knee quietly turning impatient, like he's scared you won't take it— or even worse, what if he's the reason you felt this way?

troubled, scaramouche proceeds to look at you, and it might not come across like it since it can be quite difficult for him to show his proper feelings— but he'd do anything for you right now, if there's something he could do in order for your smile to appear again, he'd do it without batting an eye.

his throat lets go of a dry sigh when you take his hand sweetly before resting your head against his shoulder, holding your breath as you exhale through a crumbling heave.

scaramouche's grip on you tightens, "who did this to you?" he decides to ask, his voice growing an octave louder, ultimately signalizing the despair he felt from seeing you like this, "is there someone who made you feel this way? someone i should be aware of?" scaramouche had to know if there was a third party that was involved and most importantly, responsible for this— if so, you could easily leave it to him to take care of it.

you sniffle, the grip your hand had on his palm strengthening, "no one, it's just me," you embarrassingly rub your cheek against his shoulder as he leans back into the couch so you could make yourself more comfortable, "i just had a bad day, that's all," and as badly as your eyes wanted to flutter shut, you were frightened to do so due to possible tears dousing your cheeks.

for some reason, you didn't want him to see you cry— despite the fact that you would never be judged nor laughed at by him.

the man loves you dearly, he could tell the entire world about it— draw warm and tender words on a pavement blossoming with roses. it's truly a magical feeling, turning to dizzying deeds and actions when he gets to kiss and hug you, touch and caress you.

scaramouche whispers your name softly when he slowly runs his thumb to circle around your hand, "hey, you don't have to be sad anymore," at his sentence, you curiously turn your head up as best as you can when his eyes flitter down at you.

"i mean, since i'm back from the akademiya now, we can spend all night together," you make a hum of appreciation before shifting yourself into him so you're lying as close to your boyfriend as possible, "—besides," scaramouche continues as he rests his head against yours, his mind and spirit soothing yours, "if someone is, in fact, responsible for your sadness, i might need to take care of something else first."

you chuckle, believing he's joking before opting to peck his cheek as at the same time, he pulls you in for a proper kiss— ah well, how sweet, you're smiling now, he can sense it as denseness lifts from your shoulders.

strongly invaded by a warm cradle around your whole face, scaramouche silently takes your chin between his thumb and pointer finger, "i told you," he sternly reminds you, whispering his words as his brows narrowed, the muscles in your face beginning to soften upon receiving his homely touch.

"i won't let anyone or anything sadden you, doesn't matter what it is, i will make sure you're being taken care of."

— wriothesley

you do not move an inch, your body hemmed in a draining blanket that fueled a negative spot in your heart, but do not be mistaken because within this cold, you can feel the warmth of wriothesley's love all the more.

you're like a sheet of glass right now, utterly still, eyes open as if gazing into a dark hole, unable to move a single muscle by how challenging this day had been for you.

as soon as he shrouds your body against his arms and pushes you into his chest, your eyes are glazed in warm liquid that cover the majority of your cheeks, slowly eating away at your skin. your boyfriend doesn't mind when you're crying in front of him, quite the reverse actually, he sees it as you trusting him so much, that you're willing to be vulnerable in front of him.

as soon as he kisses your forehead in reassurance, the force of the impact your emotions have caused on your mental state lift a little, paired with your general feelings resulting in you stumbling forward into his embrace, your hands clumsily scrambling at his jacket as you sniffle into his chest.

in your relationship you didn't need to hide your raw emotions, not only would wriothesley see through you right away, but it's, bluntly saying, pointless to do that in the first place. the man knows that in this moment in time, he needs to be there for you, and he doesn't expect you to be happy and positive all the time.

yet seeing you like this feels like losing a limb, because you're completing wriothesley in a way, you're like a puzzle piece fixing his heart— the fear of being unable to help you, give you what you need was scrambling into his body and mind, and if you ultimately sought after it, the duke would gladly destroy anything to make you happy, including himself.

"sorry, am i being too much?" you sniffle out before rubbing your eyes to get rid of the blur, honestly clueless as to why you're apologizing in the first place, "i think you must've expected our date to turn out differently," you continue, it was all you could shove past the heavy lump in your throat. you're holding yourself on a single thread, deep breathes and hefty swallows, your soft fingers slipping beneath the back of his neck.

wriothesley smiled, feeling the pull of it behind his heart, he disliked whenever you were apologizing for things you cannot control, not to mention when they were so human too.

"not at all, do not say that," he answers, holding you close, "you will never be able to be too much for me," he promises as he sighs out, one last octave teasing the following as his lips slowly move with a warm tenderness on your forehead once he places a kiss on you.

— alhaitham

alhaitham will not touch you, yes, he will sit next to you and offer a shoulder for you to lean on if you so seek it, but he will not begin to speak first nor say anything at all— wether it's questioning your current state or beginning to somehow figure it out on his own.

instead, he just listens to you.

you can talk to your boyfriend about everything, he does not care if it's pointless gossip you've overheard the other day, or you talking about this new, exciting hobby you found or like now, something that has pulled and squeezed at your heart like you're unable to breathe anymore.

he will not interrupt you, the man will make sure you can scream your heart out of your chest if it means that you feel better afterwards. he's a good listener and when you tell him everything that's on your mind, alhaitham will subconsciously ponder about possible solutions on how to help you out.

"nothing could be more human than this, don't ever feel like you have to hide this from me," he says as your tears slip beyond your control, rushing uncontrollably. alhaitham desired you beyond any significant reason, he has fallen for you and such fact will never falter, it's beyond native intelligence, beyond common sense.

although sometimes, he can trail off, it's cute, especially when he's catching himself admiring his darling, "you're so beautiful, have i told you that today?" for a second, right after you tipple over his words, your body is unable to react, and then you cannot help yourself but let go of a chuckle.

his sudden compliment came so unexpected regardless of your boyfriend being blunt by nature, "you're telling me this while i'm crying and looking like a mess?" your lips curve into a flustered smile, cutting through your initial weary facade. the chilling waves that flung into your body surely caused havoc, but it was almost frightening by how fast alhaitham could change your mood.

"I thought you should know," he ponders, softly pushing your head up so you could look at him, "you're always beautiful to me, that has nothing to do with how you're feeling,"

shortly after, you lean into a tender kiss, chasing the love he was always providing you with— this time, simply feeling him once wasn't enough, so you kiss him again, again and again, leaving him with enlarged pupils as he pulls gently away.

— childe

childe will find things to make you feel better, heavy emphasized on the find.

it's something he has to get done and despite the fact that he might not seem like it, he feels it with you, everything, it impact him, regardless if you're being drained that day, saddened or if it even has anything to do with him in the first place.

naturally, he'd also pamper you so you're feeling more comfortable, but such wasn't necessarily a new in your relationship, he clearly has a habit of spoiling you to bits— the celestial bodies decorating the world, yes, ajax would reach for the stars in the sky if you so wished for them.

you're aware that he's mostly absent due to his work requiring him for the most times, but he'd make sure to be by your side the moment he realizes you're genuinely not feeling well. childe is quite adapt of finding a way to make what he wants to achieve possible so do not worry yourself, he will never let you down.

for all that, do not get greatly surprised when he's starting to throw around unfunny jokes his brother might've told him or tell you a story about how hilariously weird his fellow colleagues can be, not to mention scary which was rib-tickling in its own manner.

the man will get nervous too and it's cute, it's his first serious relationship and he doesn't want to do anything wrong. also, important side note but it goes without saying that him being this adorable will already lift your mood a bit.

he's also a little overwhelmed by the situation and is scared to make it somehow worse for you. little does he realize that you're so thankful to him, in fact, you do not need him to magically solve the problems for you, your boyfriend just being here and listening was enough to find comfort.

it's all the more charming, he is, how he smiles from head to toe when you're searching his snug, pleasant hugs when he lets you sob into his chest.

"you're so comfy," you mumble into his jacket before rubbing your cheek over the place where you could faintly notice his fastened heart thumping beneath his ribcage.

your message makes him immediately blush, scarlet red catching his skin and setting it ablaze as he averts his gaze a little to conceal it.

childe doesn't necessarily think he's good at comforting somebody, but he shows you another smile when you gaze up at him, his grin close-lipped but bright as a bared tooth, "i'm sorry, i know i have neglected you recently," you recognize the weary weight of his words, how they're crumpling off his face, "my work, ugh, i know i should've been there for you more," he groans, "you don't deserve to be alone all the time,"

"it's not your fault," you draw a shaky gasp, panicked arms flying to his neck to wrap around him, "you're here now, aren't you?" your eyes glow, flickering with an impression that he cannot forget, it's boiling over until reaching the surface of your complete countenance, "can you stay for the night? only if it's possible," you reluctantly continue.

it's important to note that you really do not fault him, childe was not only providing for his family, but he wanted to give you a life where you do not have to worry about the material aspect of living.

ajax slides his large palm soothingly along the shiver of pain wracking your frame as he listlessly rests his head against yours, "i'll stay as long as you want me to, until you're feeling better, until you can smile again."

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spacelazarwolf · 7 months

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saw a post that gave me an eye twitch so i’m gonna break it down and analyze it bc i feel like it exemplifies a lot of what’s wrong with gentile discourse on i/p rn.

1. yeah, it is awful that zionist institutions and leadership use jewish trauma to justify why diaspora jews should unquestioningly support the current state of israel, regardless of the atrocities it commits against palestinians.

2. "israel is not your bube who survived the shoah" i don't know how to explain to you how fucking callous this sentence is.

3. for better or worse, israel did save jewish people. nearly a million jews from the swana region and 24,000 from ethiopia fled there after experiencing extreme violence and discrimination. you really think america or europe would have taken in a million black and brown jews? have you seen the current state of immigration?

4. "how do you argue with someone when their idea of israel is so rooted in their family trauma?" you don't. you validate their fears, make them feel heard, and then you offer them alternatives. the vast majority of diaspora support for israel is based in fear of persecution and eradication. if you offer real, legitimate solutions for the safety of diaspora jews, i guarantee you will be a thousand times more successful than just screaming at them and telling them "who fucking cares about your holocaust survivor bubbe????"

5. "how do you possibly tell them that the holocaust isn't relevant?" you don't, because it is. nearly 500,000 holocaust survivors moved to or were sent to israel after the shoah. some did not have a choice of where they were sent, some tried to go back to where they were living before but had no money and gentiles had taken their houses and belongings so they had nowhere to go, many faced violence upon trying to return to their hometowns in the form of pogroms, several countries turned them away. you cannot say the holocaust is not relevant to the current israeli population because gentiles in the diaspora are the reason they're there.

6. "i'm so tired of centering jewish identity in discussions over a nation state." are you stupid? genuinely, are you stupid? do you really not see how jewish identity and the history of the jewish people factor into a state with a fucking star of david on the flag that was founded after a genocide of 6 million jews that the rest of the world didn't want to deal with? seriously? no, jews in the diaspora are not responsible for the actions of the israeli government. we aren't more loyal to israel than we are to wherever we're living. but to say that israel has nothing to do with the jewish people is frankly laughable.

7. "how do you say that without sounding invalidating? like that just sounds horrible and antisemitic." that's because it is. you are being horrible and antisemitic.

edited to add: NUCLEAR SUPERPOWER?????????????????????????????? HELLO??????????????????????????

so please for the love of fuck educate yourself on the history of the jewish people and the history of the state of israel before making stupid ass posts like this. israel didn't manifest out of nowhere, it didn't come from "jewish supremacy" it came from hundreds of thousands of jews who were at their wit's fucking end with antisemitism in the diaspora, and from britain's colonization and imperialism paired with it's complete and total disregard for anyone who wasn't racially and culturally white. the monster that is modern day political zionism is a creation of the world's own making. people have been posting a lot about hamas being a response to 70+ years of israeli occupation, violence, and apartheid, but don't seem to understand that israel is a response to 3000+ years of persecution, expulsion, and genocide. the massacres and terror committed by hamas don't take into account the wellbeing of palestinians, and the oppression and violence perpetuated by the israeli government don't take into account the wellbeing of jews in israel or in the diaspora.

nothing will change if gentiles in the diaspora do not take responsibility for the rest of the world's role in the creation of israel. research your country, learn about how they treated their jews (not just during the holocaust but from the moment there were jews in your country), talk to your local jewish population, ask how you and organizations you are part of can help keep the diaspora safe for jews. because as an american jew, i don't want to move to israel. the government is borderline fascist, non ashki non orthodox jews are often seen as second class citizens, i don't speak the language, and my life is here. a lot of diaspora jews feel this way. but every time i see another group of nazis at a rally or get another bomb threat at my synagogue and look to see which country would be safest to move to as a trans person and as a jew, the only answer is israel, which is exactly what zionist institutions and leadership are counting on. if you want that to change, you and your community have to change it.

#ip

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potionpeddlerpatchy · 1 year

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word count: 7.2K

paring: Bokuto x fReader

warning(s): panty stealing, male masturbation - in several locations (shower, bedroom, laundry room), scent kink (wasn't my intention but it's in there), hint of obsessive behaviour oral. Bokuto is a perv in this, so be warned.

authors note: well, it has finally arrived - this darn fic I have been spending way too long on; to put it into perspective I started this in July. But anyway, what started as self-indulgent fluff morphed into something completely different and I am pretty happy with it! Hope you all enjoy this new side to our favourite volleyball playing himbo~ 🔮

Life always had a way of making itself just a little difficult, no matter what you did; even if the answer led to the best possible solution and outcome for you; you had to make sacrifices so you could succeed in a world that was always trying to see you fail. This was one such occasion.

You just moved to a new neighborhood, one that was far away from family and friends for your career. In order to move ahead, to gain the comfortable life you always wanted for yourself, you had to move away from all that you knew. It wasn’t easy, the decision taking you weeks to accept. At least you had your move, the unpacking and organizing of your new apartment, and your work to keep you busy; to keep your mind occupied on things that didn't revolve around how alone you felt.

But that could only last for so long, a temporary solution for an abiding problem; you knew it wouldn’t last. And after all the boxes were unpacked, all your furniture was properly arranged - and rearranged, and you finally found your stride at work; you couldn’t distract your mind any longer. That getting up and ready for work became a task that grew harder and harder to do every day. After a few months of adjustments, you just couldn’t bear the loneliness you felt whenever you came home; to emptiness and silence.

It wasn’t something you were used to and you knew you would never become. It never happened before in your life, never was a constant, even if your family was away you could always hop onto chats and spend your nights laughing with your friends.

And now? Well, you were halfway across the world. When you got up, your friends were fast asleep, and when they finally sent you a message you were on your way to bed. There was no real way to quell the ache that you felt in your heart in the traditional ways you knew how; you knew you needed a different solution.

And there was really only one solution you could think of.

You got yourself a dog.

A little lapdog with a goofy, but sweet, personality from the shelter nearby. A scruffy thing who couldn’t contain the hopeful wag of his tail as you walked by his kennel; one that couldn’t help but jump on the chain link barrier that separated you both, and then onto your legs when you went to greet him. One that filled your face with almost desperate kisses when you finally bent down to say hello; to give him a chance at a new home.

And it seemed you both were made for each other. Out of all the ones you saw that day, this one looked almost as lonely as you. But now? Well, the loneliness that etched across your sweet dog’s face no longer showed, just as the heaviness that clouded and weighed your heart down started to fade away.

No longer would you come home to emptiness, instead you had a ball of fluff and fur to greet you with enthusiasm as they wagged their tail and jumped on you in excitement to see you once more. And no longer would your little friend ever have to worry about sleeping all alone on a cold cement floor, with only a thin bed to keep him from getting a chill, wondering when someone would take him home and give him a warm bed to sleep on.

A match made in heaven, you joked as you snuggled up together each night on the couch to watch your favorite TV program after enjoying a nice dinner. Though your little furry friend always broke up your cuddle session, and your show, in the middle as they whined to go to the bathroom.

You would always oblige, and soon it became a part of your schedule. You began to enjoy the fresh air and routine it gave; to where 5-minute walks would turn into 10 and then into 15. Now your evenings consisted of 30-minute walks with your best friend by your side, trotting along as you mapped out all sorts of new paths to take, new sights to see, and new parts of the city to explore.

You finally, after a few months of exploring with your enthusiastic little friend, found a route that fit both of your needs. Lots of beautiful scenery for you to enjoy with limited hills and roads to cross so your aging dog didn’t lose steam too quickly.

Every night you did this little song and dance, to the point where if you ran even a few minutes behind your little friend would start giving you attitude. You also surmised that the time you did go on your walks was perfect as you never really ran into anyone, or their own dogs, or had to worry about anything else in the world that would break your stride. For all you knew, it was just you and your dog - no one or anything else mattered.

Well, turns out there was one other person in your world, though he had yet to make it be known.

Besides, Bokuto had not meant for this to be a daily occurrence.

He noticed you a few times whenever he got home after practice, your walking figure catching his eye whenever he moved about in his apartment. He never really gave it, or you, much thought.

That was until he injured his leg and had to be on bed rest for two whole weeks. Not being able to move, not being able to practice and play volleyball - the one thing he loved most - was nearly unbearable. But that doom and gloom would be alleviated, just slightly, whenever you would walk by.

Bokuto wasn’t sure why, maybe it was the consistency? The reassurance then whenever your recognizable figure crossed through his window meant that he got through another day. Maybe it was because it gave him something to do, he did find himself casually watching other dog walkers that passed by throughout the afternoon and evening. Or maybe it was because it was specifically you. Bokuto couldn’t put his finger on why, but something drew him to you.

“Probably because she’s new around here.” That was his reasoning. Made sense to him, a new person in the neighborhood would cause some added curiosity.

But he knew that wasn’t the case. It’s not like he knew anyone in his neighborhood, let alone his apartment building.

Bokuto truly had not meant for all this to escalate out of proportion; to peer out his apartment window every day until you showed up. And now here he was, weeks after being healed, rushing to get his shoes off and throw his stuff to the side so he could watch you pass by. It was pathetic really, to be so enthralled by someone who walked across the street every day, but his heart kept pulling him closer to the window.

His friends had teased him about it, one day after practice as he rushed to get home with them by his side so they could drop their stuff off at his place before going out for the night. Watching him as he got all flustered at a person across the street.

“Dude, it’s kinda creepy, ya know!” Atsumu laughed, arms laying across the taller man's shoulder as he leaned on him - peering out the window to see you obviously unaware of their stares “Watching this girl obsessively.”

“That’s textbook stalker behavior~” Kuroo would join, also laying his weight on him, poking his flushed cheeks in a teasing manner.

“N-no it’s not! I am just making sure she passes my block safely! It’s dangerous to walk at night, you know!” Bokuto would shoot back.

“Ya’live in the safest neighborhood in the whole city!”

“Yeah, and besides whatta gonna do from all the way up here?”

Bokuto just shrugged them off, mumbling more to himself some sort of excuse for his behavior - some sort of made-up plan he had in place should the need to rescue you arised. But he knew, as much as they did, that there was no plan - or excuse - he just liked knowing you walked by him every day; that you were in his life for a brief moment.

At the time, he didn’t think much of it; at how alone he really was. Thinking that when he caught your eye briefly and grew a little bashful was out of embarrassment and not because it made his heart flutter. But it happened once again when they were hanging out, a little get-together before leaving on tour, how Bokuto would keep looking out his window with worry in his eye before they would soften into a form of sweet longing, that same woman walking by.

“Just go down and ask her out!” Hinata's bright voice would encourage him.

“Not like she’ll turn you down!’ Atsumu would add with a wink

The teasing would continue, even after you passed, of how much of a love-struck chicken he was for not talking to you. About how he was a little creepy for just staring at you and your dog as you walked by without a care in the world.

“I know,” Bokuto would sigh, longingly, in agreement “I’m just waiting for the right moment is all.”

Then, months later, after the winter tour had ended and the world was in the warmer, but rainier, spring weather, Bokuto would finally get that opportunity. When you accidentally dropped your pair of gloves that were stored in your pocket; an accident you didn't notice as you were too busy getting, and opening, the doggy bag that also resided in your cute little coat. Quickly, without truly thinking, he ran out to grab them. Waiting until after you had turned the corner off his street to make his way to where they lay, his bare feet becoming frozen on the concrete as he trotted over. He didn’t want them to be stolen or swept away with the wind to be forever lost. Gloves were expensive after all! And besides, given the cute design they had, he could tell you would miss them. A small sense of victory filled his being, as he now had the perfect chance to talk to you.

But that chance never really did come.

You came by the next day, earlier than normal, making Bokuto curse as he contemplated running out of his apartment in nothing but a towel; figuring against it as it would not be the best first impression or look good on his character or reputation, and he knows Iwaizumi would kill him if he got sick doing something so idiotic.

So, he figured he would get the chance to meet you tomorrow. That he would make sure to be ready early just in case you decided to pull a stunt like that again. But as he eagerly waited by his window, gloves in hand, the next evening you never did appear; you figure never walking down his street. He waited until late that night, just in case, but you never showed. Not the next day, or the day after that.

Soon days turned into weeks and then into months, and you had never once appeared in his window, walking on that sidewalk across the street. The gloves, tan in colour and with bright pink pom poms, lay untouched as they would greet him by his door every day, waiting for you as much as him.

Bokuto wondered where you, and your little furry companion, had disappeared to. He hoped it was somewhere good. Couldn’t help but have his mind wander to where you were and to all of the things you were getting up to, and couldn’t help but dream that it involved him as well.

Maybe you were in the countryside, enjoying the vastness and peace they gave as their winds swooped over the wheat fields and across your cheeks. Or perhaps in the mountains, enjoying their trails as you hiked up and down them, your dog in tow trying to keep up with a tree branch in their mouth. Or maybe you were in some onsen, inhaling the steam with a happy sigh as you soaked in the hot, soothing, waters.

Bokuto always had to stop his brain from continuing when he thought of you at hot springs; ignoring the strain of his cock as he thought about how soft and warm your skin would be - how he wished to be bathing right next to you, to feel every curve of your body.

He had to stop, he didn’t want to defile you like that; not without even knowing your name.

Bokuto just wanted you back. Even if it was only for the mere moments, the few seconds he got when you strolled on by with your happily trotting dog; strolled on briefly through his life with that pretty smile.

You hadn’t meant for your trip back home to last as long as it did. What started as a simple voyage home early for the Easter holiday extended considerably to having you stay. With your family’s urgent needs overtaking any reason you may have had to leave. You were lucky the job you had was flexible, able to accommodate you in your time of need, and that you had your dog with you; unable to bring yourself to think of what might have happened if you left him in a kennel all those months.

Now you were just lucky everything ended well and that you could finally get back to your cozy apartment and the routine you had made for yourself and your sweet dog; the one you neglected for a long time, and were sorely wanting to get back to.

You sighed in delight when the fresh air you longed to return to, that only this city could provide, hit your face as you made you trek out on your usual route once more; the sereneness you felt was like seeing an old good friend after years apart, as your feet began their first steps on the pavement while you enjoyed the late October breeze.

It was a long and grueling practice and Bokuto truly couldn’t think of a better way to end his day than crawling into bed and forgetting it ever existed. Kicking his door open with a groan, practically throwing his bag by his coat closet with a loud thud, and placing his keys in the bowl on the little table he kept nearby. He eyed the gloves too small for him briefly, eyes and body filled with a sense of sadness as he regaled at how he let his opportunity go.

Kicking himself internally he sighed, hands rubbing his face as he groaned once more, this time in frustration, as he walked further into his home.

“Why didn’t I just go out there? Not like I was naked…” he grumbled as he began shrugging off his coat, slowly making his way to his bedroom and walking by that cursed window.

His eye caught movement, one that made his head turn slightly out of impulse. But never fully, he knew it was of someone walking by, so he ignored it at first. Assuming it was someone just doing a late job, running an errand, or stopping by to get their mail. Whatever the case was, he didn’t want to think further of it - to have those thoughts lead to you.

But something inside him told him to take another glance; compelling him to go to the window like he once had many times before and to take a proper look, his heart aching at him to try just one more time.

And there was you. Appeared at long last when all hope seemed lost, leaving him dumbstruck as he stared out at your form with his jaw slack and his eyes wide.

It didn’t take long for him to break out of his surprised stupor, rushing out of his apartment as he fumbled with his coat, falling with little grace as he tripped over his duffle bag but with no care about the poor downstairs apartment that had to endure the loud thud or his now aching knee or whether he had grabbed his keys to prevent him of being locked out. All that mattered at that moment was you, and the tan gloves that you had lost and which would grant him the opportunity to finally talk to you.

Bokuto called out to you, his voice he was sure louder than expected as you jumped in scared surprise, as he dashed across the street to where you stood in a stupor. He was out of breath, he knew, and he also knew that while he stood there panting to try and regain it was not helping his case.

This was truly the last thing you were expecting, normally your brief counters with people were a polite smile as you passed each other, briefly sharing the sidewalk. And it was so far and few in between that you never really thought much about it or the people you passed; them always being a blur in your memory.

But this? Well, you would be sure never to forget this moment. Not only was your heart racing, the loudness of the man’s shout before you startled you to the point you were sure you would keel over with a heart attack at any moment. But that he was incredibly tall and imposing and…..handsome.

You couldn’t help the way your face warmed at the sight of him, both out of bashfulness over how close he was and how his golden eyes bore into your own, and in embarrassment at how little your fight or flight response acted; just allowing you to stand there frozen with a dumb gaped look on your face.

“I- I’m really sorry for scaring you!” Bokuto apologizes, moving his open palms up to showcase he meant to harm “You just um - uh you dropped your gloves a while ago and I-I uh grabbed them, which I guess sounds bad, but I just didn’t want them stolen or anything, and I- I have been meaning to give them back to you so um…..”

Bokuto gently, but with little grace as he fumbled for a moment, pulled your gloves out of his pocket, holding them out for you to take “Yeah… here. Sorry, it took so long to give them back…”

You found his eagerness, and nervous fumbling adorable, as you timidly laughed; gingerly reaching out to take your old gloves from his grasp.

“Thank you…” You mumbled, your voice unable to break higher than that “But I suppose it wasn’t your fault. I’ve been gone for a while, family stuff ya know? But um, again, thanks. It’s really sweet of you to wait so long to give them back.”

You had a hard time meeting his gaze, embarrassed even more over the fact that you not only lost your gloves, but that you forgot all about it and that the poor man before you had kept them for months, waiting to get rid of them and back to you, and that said man was staring so intently at you - you had never been looked at in such a way and you didn’t know what to do.

“Of course, it’s only the neighborly thing to do, right?” Bokuto smiled, making your knees buckle more, “I’m Bokuto Koutaro, I live in this building here! And who is this?”

“I am so sorry!” You squeaked, trying to gently pry your dog off his legs “His name is Rufus, he’s so terrible about jumping on people, he just wants pets, I’m so so sorry!”

“Hey, don’t we all?” He laughed, crouching down to give your dog the attention he so cutely asked for. “Aren’t you a cutie! So, Rufus, are you new around here? New to the neighborhood maybe? Cause I have seen lots of cute dogs but never seen you before!”

“Kinda,” You giggled, laughing at how your dog had thrown himself on his back for belly rubs and the cute way this stranger - well not technically stranger anymore - was indirectly asking you questions “We moved here almost a year ago, but only really started walking this route for a few weeks before, well, we had to leave for a bit.”

“Yes…. I see, that’s very interesting Rufus, thank you.” Bokuto nodded, sticking his chin out further to get some of the kisses your dog was trying to give “Now tell me, what’s your pretty owner’s name, hm?”

“O-oh uh um!” You fumbled, caught off guard by the compliment, but still managed to provide him the response he was looking for; giving forth a shy smile to his more bright one.

“Well, that’s a pretty name, isn’t it Rufus?”

“T-thank you, um we-we um should get going, the sun is starting to set and stuff… don’t want to take up more of your time.” You mumbled, tugging your dog gently, and successfully, away to slowly start walking your route once more.

“H-hey, wait!” Bokuto called out, taking a few steps to close the small gap that was made between the two of you “Would… would you like to grab a coffee or something sometime?”

His request caught you off guard, your gaping mouth that you had to shut quickly (and loudly) proof of that, but not in a bad way as you nervously cleared your throat

“Y-yeah, that sounds really nice,” You smiled excitedly, almost giddy as rummaged in your pocket for a moment to pull out your phone “Give me your number and I’ll let you know when I’m next available.”

You didn’t have to tell him twice, his eagerness once again making you giggle and his bright smile making your knees buckle, as he grabbed hold of your phone, waiting not a second to input his number along with a cute nickname before handing it back.

“Text me soon, okay?”

“O-okay!” You agreed, your smile almost mirroring his own as you gave him a final wave goodbye, tugging your dog gently off his legs one last time to resume your walk.

You both felt weightless as you walked back to your respective homes. You were unable to weaken the dumb, broad, smile that was glued on your face as giggled to yourself over your encounter with that handsome man, as you kept glancing down at the gloves he so kindly returned to you - whispering your thanks as you held them to your heart.

Bokuto’s legs felt like jelly as he sauntered back over to his building, fumbling with the intercom to try and gain access to the complex; his own dreamy and dumb expression never leaving his face as he almost incoherently asks to be let back in. Stumbling his way back up to his floor and through the threshold of his home, he thought of you and your cute smile; how he wants to see it again and soon. Excitedly he broke out of the trance you left him in to furiously type his text to you; the same one you receive as soon as you walked through the door

‘Please tell me I can meet you tomorrow!’

How interesting it was, how time could move so slowly and so quickly at the same time. How hours seem to fade into days, which fade into one another, and then all of a sudden a month will have passed and you never even realized it - like a blink of an eye.

It’s a combination of things, for time to move like this. For if it was just passing by quickly it would mean either life was so dull that things just blended together and time would then be wasted; or it could be the opposite, that all sorts of fun and excitement were happening at once that you could barely keep up. But if it is both, those days seem to drag on but weeks seem to end swiftly, then it’s a mixture of the two.

And really, that was the perfect explanation for it all.

During the day as you worked the hours seemed to drag on, but in the evenings whenever you had to walk your dog, or on the weekends, it was like time was doing everything it could to make the day anew again; to subjugate you to the long and drawn out hours of boredom work provided.

But whenever you weren’t at work, you found yourself crossing paths with your handsome new friend Bokuto. That was probably why time seemed to pass on by, it always seemed to move fast whenever someone was having fun. And you couldn’t lie that you were having the most fun you had in months while you were around that exuberant man, His positivity and brightness were contagious, and no matter how run down you felt, no matter how bad the day was, once you saw his smile it was like nothing bad happened at all.

Ever since you took the leap and replied to his enthusiastic text with one of your own stating a time to go out with you the next night to help you walk your dog, it has been a whirlwind of that bright fun.

Going to cafes to get coffee, trying out new restaurants that popped out of nowhere, trying out the hiking trails that you never knew existed, and exploring hidden corners of the city you had yet to explore. All while he held your hand tightly and dazzled you with his beaming smile every time you went out with him.

On top of it all, every weekday, after you finished work, Bokuto would try his best to meet where it all began. To wait out in front of his apartment building in hopes to catch you, to then continue on walking with you for the remainder of your trip home; taking hold of your dog’s lead as he happily tucked your arm underneath his instead - his excuse was always “gotta make sure you make it home safe” smiling down at you if you ever tried to complain.

Before you knew it a month had passed. A month filled with good morning texts, evening walks in the cool autumn air, and weekends filled with little dates. Your days consumed with the attentions and affections of a man you never thought you would meet, let alone be romanced by so energetically. It was all so sudden, almost overwhelming, but so welcomed all the same.

Though, with all the affection and time spent together, you couldn’t definitely say what you were; if you were his girlfriend or not. You couldn’t say there was nothing between you both, not with the small nervous gestures he gave you, like all those lingering kisses he would press to your forehead whenever he dropped you off. Never actually pressing his lips to yours, as if he was afraid of overstepping a boundary.

Due to this, you couldn’t claim to be official, that he was your boyfriend, that you were going steady. Which made butterflies form in your tummy when you asked him for a large favor; not sure if he would be okay with it all. After all, you hadn’t even kissed yet.

A work event was approaching, and it was mandatory that you go to it. Which meant you had to leave for an entire weekend. Normally, weekend trips were fine, as you could bring your furry companion with you. But you couldn’t bring your dog with you, the hotel your work arranged for you to stay at wouldn’t allow it. And you didn’t want to spend hundreds of dollars to send your dog to a service, or allow a stranger into your home to take care of them; who knows what they might look at or steal.

You decided to bite the bullet when the week of the event came up; figuring that the worst-case scenario was Bokuto would say no - but given how close you had gotten over the past month you had high hopes.

Besides, he was the perfect option. You would feel comfortable with him in your home, he had been over a few times before, and your dog adored him. And, he lived close by too, so if something were to happen or if he didn’t feel comfortable staying at your place for a few days it wouldn’t be the end of the world; he and your pet would just a few blocks.

You asked him, on a particularly warm Tuesday night for October, and he said yes without hesitation. You didn’t know why he agreed, perhaps it was in the bashful manner you asked, or maybe he could sense the quiet desperation in your tone. But, overall, it didn’t matter to you, just as long as your home and precious pet were safe.

But just as your life had started to slowly be consumed by him in all those little ways he had woven himself into your daily routine; Bokuto’s was completely taken away by you.

He couldn’t help it. Bokuto found himself thinking about you all the time, at almost every moment of the day. While grocery shopping he thought of what you might buy, and what dishes you might make yourself. At practice when he was supposed to be listening to his coach, or paying attention to the plays happening before him, all he could think about was having you sit on the bleachers cheering him on. Even late at night after you had sent your last text of the day, wishing him goodnight, he was thinking about you, almost obsessed by you, though he figured it was inevitable given how borderline obsessive he was before he even knew you; when he would just watch your figure pass by his window every day.

That was probably why he said yes to your request; not wanting to say no to your cute face or to possibly jeopardize his future chances of being with you. Besides, he loved your dog, and the chance to be in the place you called home, for longer than a moment to drop you off, was far too tempting.

“My goodness, again, thank you so much for doing this!” You gushed once more as you rushed to get the last of your things together, pushing Bokuto further into your home.

“No problem at all! Happy I could do this for you” He beamed, still holding onto the bag you had practically thrown at him when you opened the door to greet him.

“I know, I know…” You took a breath, finally taking the proper moment to actually acknowledge him “But still… figured I would let you know how appreciative I am; so, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He responded in kind, his smile was so gentle that it made your heart skip a beat.

“R-right! Um… I wrote a list of what Rufus needs. His feeding schedule, walk schedule, all that kind of stuff. It’s on the kitchen table, so take a look.” Your voice went faint, though Bokuto could still hear you, as you walked away from him into your bedroom “It, it also has the passwords to my streaming services, should you want to use them.” You let out a small huff, as you dragged your suitcase from your bedroom “You are also free to have whatever you like from the kitchen! Nothing is off-limits, so go nuts. And um… you know if you wanted to bring your girlfriend over to hang out that’s cool with me too!”

You took your bag from Bokuto’s hold, taking a moment to peer inside to double-check you had all you needed in there. As well as looking at your suitcase to take a second to recall all you put in; trying to see if you had forgotten anything; doing your best to try and play it cool over what you just said.

“Well, that won’t be necessary,” Bokuto mumbled, doing his best to look at you but not stare. a hand fiddling with one of his hoodie’s drawstrings “The girlfriend thing I mean… don’t have one so… yeah.”

His nervous chuckle made you follow suit making you pause your tireless item shuffling to glance up at him; your smile was small before growing wider alongside his and you shared a brief moment - on that you both couldn’t really put a name to, but knew it was a good one all the same.

“Alright, I think I’m good to go!” You bit your lip, taking hold of your suitcase; extending the handle for easier use.

“Safe travels, okay? Text me when you get there!” Bokuto asked, opening the door for you to avoid any further struggles

“Don’t worry, I will!” You leaned up, placing a quick peck on his lips before walking through your threshold “Thanks, again! I’ll see you in a few days!”

Bokuto watched you leave, down the hall, and into the elevator with a dumbstruck look on his face; if you weren’t in such a hurry you might have laughed at that. But as soon as you were out of sight that shocked look turned into one of dumbstruck love as a goofy smile crossed his face as he closed your door with a goofy-sounding chuckle.

‘Our first kiss’ was all he could think about as he wandered over to your couch, plopping down on it as he absent-mindedly pet your dog as he relived the way your lips felt over and over again. Hoping that when you came back, he would be graced with another one.

The first night went without a hitch. Due to your late afternoon departure, all Bokuto had to do was put Rufus out for the last time, and then enjoy the night in. Ordering food and choosing a movie to play in the background as he absent-mindedly scrolled his phone - sending a good night text your way once you confirmed you made it to your hotel safely. And given that Iwazumi was so hard on him, and his team members, in training earlier that day, he didn’t think twice about hitting the hay once he got back from that final walk with your furry friend.

However, the next morning would prove to be his downfall.

Though it wasn’t like it was his fault really. It was just, sleeping in your bed, being surrounded by the smell of you - the whisper of floral from the shampoo that you use lingered on your pillows, the faint smell of your laundry detergent that comforted him as he snuggled deeper in your blanket, and the scent of your faded sweat the clung the deeper he sunk into your sheets - all of it was so uniquely, perfectly, utterly you that his body acted without thinking.

And maybe it was because he was laying in your bed, surrounded by the same sheets that clung to your body in ways he could only imagine, could only dream about. That such an innocent act was something far more intimate than he, and more than likely yourself, thought it could be. It was something that got to him more than it should.

No matter how much he tossed and turned, tried to think of anything else, his body betrayed him. And as the sun’s rays hit his eyes, signaling a new day, his stiffened cock stood proud, barely contained by the fabric of his boxers, just as it did when he first crawled into your bed.

“A cold shower would do the trick,” Bokuto whispered to himself as he dragged his body into an upright position, keeping an eye on your dog to make sure he was still asleep. “Always works before a game….”

And it did. Well… whenever he was about to play a game, or away on tour and needed to get rid of his morning wood before meeting his teammates. This was proving to be a different case all entirely. And he was only a man.

A weak, weak, man too easily trumped by temptation.

He would apologize, and beg to whatever god that was above, for your forgiveness and understanding but he couldn’t help but stroke his cock to the thought of you. How your skin would look all lathered in bubbles from the body wash he was currently inhaling; never once thinking the smell of hibiscus would make his eyes roll to the back of his skull. Imagining how he would bend you over, pressing you against the cheap tile wall, and fuck you so hard that your neighbors could hear the sound of your moans over the water; how pretty your pussy would look after he came so deep inside, how his cum would slowly seep out and down your pretty legs before being washed away down the drain.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Bokuto hissed, as his hipped jerked into his hand, his release overtaking him making a mess of his hand, chest, and your shower wall; silently, and shamefully watching it go down your drain - disappointed over the reality of it all.

The rest of the day went decently enough. Bokuto avoided your room and everything in it, even your bathroom for most of the day in fear of having to take another hour-long shower. Instead, he occupied his time by taking your dog out on a nearby, local, hiking trail; one that traversed close to and alongside a river. Your dog loved it, and Bokuto made sure to keep a mental note to take you out here soon before the weather got too cold and the river would freeze over.

He also spent his time, the majority of his evening, catching up on the latest TV drama Hinata was begging him to watch; keeping the younger man updated on which episode he was on, and taking small breaks to feed your dog or to take him on his needed walks for bathroom relief.

But Bokuto knew he couldn’t avoid it forever; that when night fell, he would crack once more. He knew he should have slept on the couch, to deal with the aches in his joints, the soreness in his muscles, and whatever back pain he would inevitably have by huddling and sleeping in such a still position on your too-small couch. But the allure of sleeping in your sheets - to be surrounded by the same comfort you allowed yourself to enjoy every night - was too enticing.

It was a sleepless night, once again.

Though this time it was not spent like the night before, where he was tossing and turning to try and settle down to get a proper night's rest. Bokuto knew that it would be pointless to try. Instead, fueled by the faded smell of your shampoo that lingered on your pillowcase, he took hold of your fluffiest pillow, and slotted it between his legs; against his weeping and aching cock. No longer able to help, or ignore the heat that coursed through his veins.

His whimpers, though muffled, echoed within your empty bedroom as the sound of your headboard softly hitting the wall behind accompanied the sinful symphony as his body crushed your favourite pillow; hips desperately trying to keep that wonderful friction it gave to get him over the edge. Bokuto thought about how you would look folded into a mating press as he pinned you in place with nothing but his weight; how sweet you would look with tears in your eyes as you babbled on about how much you loved his cock.

“Yeah, just like that…. fuck, you’re such a good girl….nngh!.... You like taking my cock, huh? You like how my fat cock stretches you out? Come on… come on say it, please?”

It went on all night long, and when the morning sun finally hit his tired eyes did Bokuto finally feel spent; finally felt like he got all his pent-up frustrations out of him. Though his body screamed at him to not move, to lay down and rest, he had to ignore it. Had to take your soiled bedding - pillows, sheets, and blankets - off your bed so they could be washed. If he had more energy he would wince in shame over how much cum he managed to spill out onto it all; but right now he couldn’t give a damn. It was more than worth it to him.

Bokuto blessed the gods above that you had a washer and dryer within your cute apartment; how thankful he was not to have to take them all the way down flights of stairs and possibly run into one of your neighbors. He quickly went to put a load on, knowing he had to take care of a few last things around the house, for your little dog, and place some new sheets on your bed to dissuade any suspicion before you got home.

And oh what a blessing your little laundry room was.

There, sat atop your dirty laundry within the hamper you kept so neatly tucked away, sat a pair of pretty pink lace panties. He knew you had worn them, knew that they were meant to be washed, knew you had not left them there to tease him but instead discarded them like anyone would with used clothing, and he knew he should have just walked away from them. But they were so pretty, Bokuto couldn’t help but grab them for a closer look.

Couldn’t help but enjoy the way the soft fabric felt against his calloused fingertips. Couldn’t help but bring them up to his face, couldn’t help the way his mouth watered from the musky smell that greeted him, and certainly couldn’t help what he was about to do.

He knew it was wrong; he only has a few hours before you came home for Christ's sake. But this whole weekend was a perfect example of how little control he had when it came to you. That despite how wrong it all was, how he was violating your privacy and taking advantage of this situation, he couldn’t quell his lust as he took another deep inhale of your scent that stayed on that flimsy piece of fabric; his loose athletic shorts slipping past his hips as his angry-red cock sprung free once again.

“Gotta be quick…. gotta be quick - fuck!” He kept muttering to himself as he furiously pumped his hand up and down the length of his cock; doing his best to finish quickly and move on to what he was supposed to be doing.

He thought of you on top of the washer; sitting like the good girl you were as he knelt before you and ate you out like his last meal - your moans and mewls shaking in rhythm to the vibrations of the machine below you. The whole image being brought to him in a clearer focus in his mind due to the constant inhale of your fragrance.

Bokuto came with an unexpected groan, finishing much faster than he anticipated; not realizing just how effective those pretty panties of yours were. He collapsed against your wall with a deep and satisfied sigh; doing his best to calm his heart and breathing down. He could hear his phone go off from the other room, the specific chime meant it was you - clearly texting him that you were almost home. Bokuto sighed one last time, knowing he was not in an even bigger hurry to clean things up; starting with the panties he had balled in his fist.

Maybe… maybe you won’t notice if they are gone….

or perhaps maybe you will

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sickuma · 10 months

Text

SILLAGE — a Simon Riley fic. 2/2

❱ again this was an au first written on tiktok! this will be the last part of it, please keep in mind that it is all fiction and that if you're going through the same thing and are having the same thoughts, please seek someone you trust. Please fight for yourselves, you're worth it ꜝ？ Warning. . this is a heavy angst fic, mentions of suicide and acts of committing, if that is something that triggers bad emotions, please exit the fic.

paring is Ghost x Reader this is unedited! mistakes such as spelling and grammatical errors are to be expected !

Part 1 (^_^;)

SILLAGE — (n.) The scent that lingers in air, the trail left in water, the impression made in space after something or someone has been and gone; the trace of someone's perfume.

—hey [name]? I know I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, but I just really—

There was a short pause, as the voicemail erupts a slight static sound.

—I love you. That should have been enough reason. No, you were enough. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I was cowardly, I figured that you'll be happier and safer, being with someone who isn't me. Someone who isn't a soldier.

It was the same night he left your apartment. He swore to himself he would not come crawling back. To protect both of you, at the time, it had been the best solution for him. Until the midnight strikes, he remembered just how serious you looked, just how accepting you looked.

Too accepting.

—because who knows when one of these missions would finally take me out. I can't let you suffer through that, I can't be the one to give you that kind of grief. So I thought leaving you was the best option.

There was a dire pause as he thought of the best words possible to express himself. He’s never been one to do such, but for you, he’s willing to be better.

—it wasn't.

He spoke desperately, almost shaking from just how much adrenaline rushed through him. He had just argued with the team, and after a long hour of explaining to them what he needed to do, he was finally permitted to bail out on this mission, it’s not like he wouldn't leave without permission, that's how urgent this is for him, he needed to get to you as soon as possible,

Even he doesn't know why he’s in a rush,

Maybe it's because of your silence, the unanswered calls, and unread messages that brought him on edge.

—I love you, far too much, my love, to even think straight without you. I love you so much it's hard to breathe. I so desperately love you to the point it hurts.

The desperation and sincerity. It was all there. He knew if he couldn't let it out now, he won't let it out ever. This was his only chance of being happy.

You were his only chance for happiness. He almost couldn't believe he thought letting you go because of his fear was the best decision.

He stupidly let you go, succumbing to the fear of dying while you wait for him. He knows better, he will do better,

For you. Because you're worth changing for, you're worth the risk.

—please don't hate me. I know I was an ass for leaving in the first place, baby, I am sorry. You loved me so much that it felt so good, I didn't know I'm capable of feeling that way, so I was scared that worse would come after. I'm not scared anymore. You looked at me like there's something in me worth looking at,

He felt like he was saying so much yet so little at the same time,

He had so much to tell you but very few words to express it. He needs to be with you. He needs to see you and physically explain to you just how much you mean to him.

—I won't waste it, love, not again. Please open the door for me when I get back.

He frowned, realizing once again just how idiotic he was. He knew he should not have done what he did, but it was over with. The only thing left to do is to make things right somehow.

—I've never been taught how to love, I have.. I don't— I'm not the best at it. I'm sorry baby, if I'm not loving you the right way, and for leaving just like that, but I promise I'll be better. you're worth the better of me, you're worth learning love for.

He needed you, and you needed him. That should have been enough reason to risk it.

—when I come back, please let me hold you. Please forgive me for making you feel like an option between my job. It's you. It's always been you. I love you, baby, wait for me. I'll make this right.

As the line cuts, the static sound fills the eerie room of yours. The very same room he had walked out from, the same room where you sat breathing hours ago. There were no other living sounds except for the occasional ticking of the clock.

There were no signs nor sounds of life perceived in the room. The silence was thick. With your lifeless body beside the bed in a fetal position, a bottle of used pills tightly wrapped around your hands. It was light, about three to four pills left inside a newly bought bottle.

It was dead silent as if the universe sympathized with you.

Allowing silence in regards to respect for what has passed, for what has ended.

﹑

“My family’s never been the typical joyous family, I guess that affected me, as a person in general.”

You explain, running your hand through his hair while his head laid on your lap. It’s one of those days where he’d be much affectionate compared to the majority of the time. He requested to hear about your childhood while he rests on you,

For a moment you felt your heart and breath hitch.

“I guess growing up in that kind of household really—really influenced my well-being. It's given me problems and worries I shouldn't have.” You were hesitant to continue, “Fear, I started having fears for a lot of things.”It's as if you caught a glimpse of his mind, taking in the details you've just given him.“Fears like?”

The moment the question reached your ears, he could see your body tense. He understood, and he doesn't plan on pushing it.“You don't have to answer that, my love.” he smiles, “No matter what it is you're scared of, let’s face it together, yeah? You have me. That's enough, I hope.”

Little did he know that fear was yet to come. The fear of leaving soon, the fear of being unable to keep going. How could you ever explain to him that you don't plan to stay long?

﹑

With a ragged breath from exhaustion, he dropped his things once again, the same way he did before he left. Facing your door yet again, panting as a feeling of discomfort plagued him, why exactly? He’s finally here. Why is he so distraught, he wondered.

“[name]?” he knocks,

Swallowing the lump in his throat, his voice strained, and his state dishevelled. “[name] please—it’s me, please answer.”

The lack of response made him think about just how angry he made you,

“I'm sorry,” he whispers,

“I know I was stupid and irrational. I won't do it again, petal, please open the door.”

To say he’s nervous would be an understatement. What would he do if you never find it in you to let him back into the comfort of your arms? Will he return to the familiar cold he had forgotten when he met you?

“[name] I love you.”

He desperately spoke, yearning for an answer; the smallest sign of acceptance.

It was odd. How quiet it was. Are you that mad? He wonders, but then again, he knew you’re not one to ignore, not even when you’re the angriest you've been. You would never shut him out, not ever. “[name], please, answer, or I'll have to go inside.”

“Baby are you okay?” no response.

Each passing second was like a countdown. He was uneasy and distraught. Afraid even.

The silence felt deafening. He was afraid of what? He had no clue what he was so afraid of, surely you're okay...

Right?

“[name], I'm coming in,” he says sternly, fishing the spare key he oh so gratefully forgot to give back. His heart thumps louder with each action.

The moment he entered, the creak of the door interrupted the silence. He felt like he was intruding on an abandoned space. It felt wrong. He knew something was wrong.

“[name]? I'm back, like—like I always am.” his voice broke, stepping inside, head looking around, hoping to find you and engulf you in his longing arms. “As I told you, I’ll always find my way back… right?”

He kept speaking while he walked, checking and opening every door. Starting from the small kitchen to the bathroom, checking everywhere until there was one room left. He dreaded it, for no reason he was scared and yet he rushed,

He spoke, no—he goes on a tangent,

“I'll take the month off. We’ll do anything you want, anything to make up for this. I promise we can even get a pet, I always say no, right? This time, I'll agree, anything for you, my love just—”

The silence rung,

Apart from the sound of the door opening by his force, there were no sounds made, not from him, not from anything. He simply stood, dumbfounded at what the room unveiled; at that moment, nothing mattered, not even the breath he had held unknowingly.

A ragged chuckle escaped his lips, though it was hollow. As if he was desperate to know that maybe this is all some sick prank. Maybe this was one of your silly games he always put up with, “Baby? What’s this? Why are you on the floor?”

“Jokes over [name] get up—”

When it all came to view, he was silenced. The second he stepped closer, he saw how your body lay lifeless, how you held that bottle, and how his eyes drifted onto the lone tear, which evidently dried along the hours.

How long have you been here?

In this state? How long has it been since you left him?

He couldn't feel. He couldn't grasp his head around the sight before him. He’s well familiar with death. He’s seen it before, and he’s lost comrades before, but nothing comes close to what lay in front of him.

How does one react when their lifeline lies lifeless before their very eyes?

He couldn't approach nor speak. He simply stood with weak knees, tempting to give out. It didn't take him long to crouch, eyes wide open with lips parted slightly. There were no tears, no emotions, the moment numbed him. It didn't feel like reality,

There he crouched, just a few steps away from you. It didn't feel like his heart dropped. It felt almost worse, as if you'd taken it with you. How could this have happened? Did he cause this?

If you had told him a day ago that he would witness the person he loved the most laying on the floor devoid of life, he would have laughed at your face, punching you even. This isn't reality. This isn't a reality he wants to face.

It took every courage in his body to bring himself closer to you, afraid of what more he’d discover. With slow steps, he drew closer, grabbing your hand was the first thing he thought of doing. “Oh god…” his voice broke,

Your body isn't as warm as it used to be,

Not as he remembered. The warmth he loved when he would hold you against him, it’s gone. You're gone.

He had felt countless of stiff lifeless bodies and yet yours hurt the most,

The mere thought of it destroyed him. It hasnt sinked in yet, but he could tell. He could tell his demise is near. The realization will hit him in a short while.

“Baby, im home…” this wasn't him. This was not his voice. Stuttering over the easiest words, strained with pent-up sobs. His chest felt heavy, almost making it difficult to breathe.

Yet with hitched breath, he picked up your limp body and placed you in his arms, crushing your icy body against him. He held you tightly, but his hands cradled your body tenderly. It was as if he’s afraid of hurting you more.

Ghost was forever fearless, always facing whatever challenge was given to him, even his mortal enemy would know that he isnt necessarily the easiest solder to crack, let alone destroy and yet he finds himself sat on the floor holding the lifeless frame of his lover,

Cradling whatever is left of you,

Desperately holding onto what he can possibly hold on to.

The lieutenant everyone looked up on, admired and viewed as an admirable man, sat on the floor with a weighing heart. Holding back the tears that had formed without his knowledge as he held your body,

but right now, he wasn't lieutenant simon ‘ghost’ riley.

At this moment, he was just simon, the simon you loved desperately, the simon who loved you just as insanely.

This person right this moment was your simon,

He wasnt anyone else, he was yours.

As he sat on the hard cold floor, thoughts roaming with his heart screaming, he felt like a mess, but that didn't matter. Words can not describe the regret, remorse, and stupidity he felt,

If i didnt leave,

If i didn't walk out that door,would you still have been alive in my arms?Would i still have to hold you soulless?

He held you closer, bringing you closer to him, as close as possible. He felt nothing but regret, nothing but anger for himself. Why is it that the very grief he tried to protect you from, the same reason he left, the same grief he avoided you to feel, why is it that he’s feeling it now?

His ragged sobs filled the room, and the rest remained still as if everything sympathized for him. As if the world understood the hurt he carried. He sobs, holding onto you as if doing so would bring you back. He knew nothing well, and yet he foolishly cried, hoping you’ll hear him and come back to ease the pain.

Like you always did.

At the corner of his eyes, he saw the letters piled not far from them. Without standing, nor letting go of you, he reached for it. Reading the names addressed on each, until he sees the one for him.

Of all the few letters he saw, his was the only one with tear drops which ruined the ink in front, almost unable to read, he brought it closer, dropping the rest.

Simon,

I felt everything.

Thank you, and im sorry,

I love you :)

Swallowing the impossibly heavy lump on his throat, he opened the carefully folded letter. He was met with even more tear drops. The thought of you crying, alone, while you write him a letter to bid him goodbye, crushed his soul.

He cant imagine a greater pain,

It felt surreal.

How could I..

How could I have lost you this easily.

With his blurry vision, he starts to read—well—attempt to. With every sentence, every punctuation, every meaning of your words, all of it felt like a slap to reality.

How could he have not seen?

How did he not notice? Not paying attention to what you were going through? How could he have been so careless as to leave you all alone.

The very fear you spoke of,

He did just exactly what your family had done.

If anybody could have saved me,

it would have been you.

He read the part over and over again, allowing your words to cut through his heart repeatedly. He left you, and yet, at the end of the day, you still see him as someone—the only one who could save you.

Despite the war inside your mind,

Inside your mind and unwavering emotions, which he hadn't bothered to unveil, he remained the most important person.

May it be in your chaotic mind or the furthest crevices of your heart, he remained on both.

He read it all,

Understanding every single thing you failed to say in person,

Everything you failed to say while you still lived.

It hurts even more. He thought nothing could be more painful when he saw you laying lifeless. But having to read what you wanted to say,

How sorry you were, how thankful you are to him, and how he made you feel.

It was surely another cut to an already existing wound. His mind flashed memories while he went over the tear stained letter you left.

He remembered everything as if they were as fresh as yesterday. When you first smiled at him, when you first held hands, when your lips first touched.

Your words were true. The story of you really is short-lived. But he couldn't help but think about the what If's

If he stayed,

If he hadn't walked out,

If he ignored his fear of abandoning you,

If he hadn't been so stupid and cowardly.

He gave up, and the heavy lump on the throat overcame him, letting the sting linger for as long as eternity. He read the last words on the letter, with a loud sob, with repeated pleads.

Repeatedly apologising, repeatedly begging for you to come back so he could fix things so everything could return to normal,

So you could return.

A childish wish. A high-ranking soldier held the lifeless body of his lover all while he begs for them to come back.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers, voice too broken to speak normally. "I'm sorry for not noticing."

"I'm sorry you had to be alone."

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeats over and over again, holding you against him.

At the back of the letter, he could barely see the words written with how blurry the tears clouded his eyes.

Thank you for making me feel.

The words only crushed him even more, sobbing and crying harder to no avail.

"[name]..." He whispers, holding you close. "Did it hurt? I'm sorry, it must have been so hard."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm so sorry for not being here you."

He apologized, wishing he could have been with you. To convince you otherwise, wishing he could have been here to avoid this,

To avoid losing you.

Wishing he could have stayed to keep making you feel.

The thoughts of your words before he left suddenly entered his mind,

"Can I hug you?"

"One last time?"

Now it all makes sense why you looked so serene, why you looked so accepting. Why did you have that small smile on your lips,

You were bidding him goodbye.

That really was the final hug.

The final touch he'd ever get, the final living affection he would get from you.

He holds you now, but it wasn't the same, not even close. Back then, you were smiling and breathing, but now you're no different to an inanimate object. Stiff and cold, this is the person he loved so dearly?

It ached.

And it ached painfully.

The type of ache to never go away, the type of ache he'd keep forever.

The type of ache he'll willingly embrace,

As he held you that night, mourning for what could've been, mourning for someone beyond saving.

This was the ache he'd willingly feel forever,

If it means having you in his mind and heart. He would willingly hurt himself by keeping that ache if it means keeping you in his deceased heart forever.

As the remnant of your memories roamed the room, your presence which now passed, the scent of yours he dearly craved. It left a sillage pain to remember,

You left a sillage worth remembering.

"I'll keep you in my heart,

Even if that damage me,

Even if it kills me.

I'll keep you safe forever."

1K notes · View notes

doberbutts · 3 months

Note

Thank you for making the schindler post, it perfectly illustrates why I hate the way people will act like people who hurt others (like active nazis and racists) aren't capable of regular emotion and thought. Second chances are often seen as bad when it comes to violence and crime, but if you never give someone the chance to change, form different opinions, or see the damage they or their associates have caused, they'll just keep taking the path of least resistance, keep following orders. I just want people to take a serious look at a nazi who changed his mind. There is nothing inherently evil about anyone, there are only moral and immoral choices.

It helps, I think, to understand that he did not join the nazi party because he hated Jews. Even what research I did on the real man said that for the most part his reasons for siding with Hitler were purely economical. And, as I've said before, Hitler did not start with "I hate Jews let's kill them all" but with "look how bad the economy sucks! And who is doing well while the economy sucks? The Jews. That means they're the ones behind making the economy suck!" to get people on his side.

I think Schindler did have some internalized antisemitism. How could he not? He thought of the plan to use almost exclusively Jewish slave labor as good business sense. Cheaper than Poles, more desperate for the work and thus less likely to complain about conditions or quit, can't fuss about wanting wages or better hours, what's not to like? Supposedly his workers were treated well. I don't know if that makes it particularly better. I wonder how his workers felt, staring at the emblem proudly pinned to his jacket, knowing it stood for the extermination of their entire people.

I wonder if any of them ever considered it might be a trick. An elaborate long game to get them to trust and slip up. To get them to reveal the hiding places and secret messages and the others striving to find or make a way out.

I think the movie played with that concept a little bit, when the character of Stern (who apparently was 3 different real guys rolled into 1) is portrayed as always being a little standoffish and cold to Schindler until close to the very end. He was afraid of him. Schindler held not only his life but the lives of all of the people working there (plus more, irl) in his hands. He rubbed shoulders with high ranked officials and knew personally more than one known sadistic bastard that actively got off on murdering Jews. All it would take is a single word and it would be more than just those in the factory who died.

But then the ghetto was cleansed. In history, Schindler had advance warning and made his workers lock themselves in the factory overnight to spare them. In the movie, Schindler did not have warning, and saw the chaos from atop a vantage point as he'd meant to pass by.

Either way, both in life and in film, that was the line. He was, at minimum, willfully blind and passive to the evidence of what was happening up to that point. Once he couldn't deny it, he put his foot down and said, no more. I'm not doing this. I can't save everybody but you aren't getting your hands on anyone in my charge. Put me in jail if you have to. This is wrong.

He had everything to gain by continuing to look away. In the movie, Stern says something to the tune of "you'll have to hire Hungarians and Poles. They cost a little more but you'll still be rich" when they're both faced with Hitler's final solution. No more cheap Jewish labor when they're all dead, after all. It is at that point that they come up with the list- to get as many Jews as possible out of Germany before they're all sent to their deaths. He could have just said "yeah, sorry. I tried". Stern even more or less gave him permission to do so, like he was expecting it.

But he didn't. He said no fuck that, it's bullshit. It's not happening. I'm not letting it happen. They can arrest me or kill me if they want but if I'm alive for it I'm not just going to stand back and watch.

But I think it is difficult for people to grapple with that level of complexity. Not everyone he saved thinks he was overall a good person. His motives were not always pure. In fact many times his motives were just about lining his own pockets. But when he saw atrocities happen, he put his foot down and refused to participate. Even at his own cost- he had the equivalent amount of money back then as would be needed to retire early nowadays from his factory labor. He spent it on bribes and rations to keep them safe. He went to jail several times for refusing to back down. He risked his own neck by networking with other factory owners to get them to do the same. He could have been executed for this at any point. Nazis loved public spectacle executions for traitors and for collusion with Jews.

He wasn't a perfect ally. But I think I'd rather an imperfect ally do whatever they can to help, than no allies at all.

343 notes · View notes

minhosimthings · 2 months

Text

A La Folie ft. Jay || Part 2

Synopsis: Wounds came and went. All in the circle of life am I right? The greatest warrior among all the kings, Park Jay. For him, seeing blood was like seeing the sky. It was a daily routine which he could not escape. Yes sometimes he had grave injuries, which he wouldn't stop to take care of, with him being a workaholic. But sometimes healers do more than heal physical wounds, and for Jay, you did exactly that.

Pairings: King!Jay × healer!fem!reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, suggestive at the end, SMUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER MY BABIES, mentions of food, mentions of abuse, reader has scars, mention of blood and violence, hurt/comfort, reader has a panic attack, Heeseung suffering a shit ton lmao I'm sorry hee

A/N: I am legit so sorry for the long wait my babies I wanted to make this as perfect as possible! Thank you for the notes on the first part YAY!!! And the next chapter has smut hehe 😏😏

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

The French Quotes Series Masterlist

Memories are said to be core parts of a person's life, no matter good or bad.

The only memories you had were of blood, broken glass, and destroyed homes.

Laughter had always seemed so frightening to you, it reminded you terribly of your mother and father's drunken laughter, as they put the belt to their daughter, just because she was a daughter.

Laughter was no longer how your older brother used to comb your hair, how he used to engulf you in his arms everytime the house was filled with things that a seven year old shouldn't be hearing.

Laughter and love, no longer seemed to exist, as you looked down on the bruises on your skin, and wondered when the last time someone had noticed it under all your setting powder was.

Oh right.

Just over an hour ago by the goddamn king of the place you lived in. The possibility of something going wrong was approximately zero, and yet your powder just had to melt off.

Now you were slumped against your bed, almost about to tear your hair out at how much you were regretting even signing up for an apprentice's position in the palace. At the time, when you were fifteen, it seemed the only possible solution, to get away from your home.

To get away from Jooyeon, atleast.

Knock knock knock.

You let out a loud groan at the sound of tapping on the door. Who on earth was calling for you now?

Checking the clock on the wall, you seethed. Begrudgingly getting up, you dragged yourself to the door, and opened it only to find-

"Your Highness!" You gasped, quickly bending into a curtsey at the light footed man standing before you, "Um..am I of any requirance?"

Heeseung chuckled, and pressed his hand to his chest, returning the respect but bowing to you and sweeping away a stray hair from his forehead.

"Jay just sent me over to you to find out if you were alright, Miss Y/N." He said, with the air of a holy messenger, "You seemed to have rushed out the door on his saying something. Did he offend you perhaps?"

"Oh." You breathed a sigh of relief, not realising your facial expression until you saw Heeseung's amused face looking at you, "Oh no! No absolutely not! No, it's um—its really my fault, sort of. Um—is-is he quite mad?"

Heeseung mused over the question for a bit, quietly laughing to himself at how flustered you were.

"Well I wouldn't say mad." Heeseung finally answered after what seemed like an eternity, "But I would say extremely confused and possibly bleeding out his bandages again."

"Fuck." You cursed under your breath, hoping Heeseung didn't hear what you said, "I'll see it to the matter straight away, Your Highness."

"Oh please, Miss Y/N, call me Heeseung." He winked flirtatiously at you, to which you wanted to slightly gag.

"Is it a custom for all Paradoxica kings to allow their nurses to call them by their names?" You chuckled, remembering how Jay so magnificently told you to call him by his name.

"Maybe just for the handsome ones." Heeseung jested, throwing you another wink, which you tried hard not to frown at.

As Heeseung's footsteps faded away, you turned to the door in front of you. Taking a deep breath, you strode forward and slowly opened the door, having the scent of musk hit your nostrils with a bang again, as your eyes fell upon Jay, sitting calmly against the bedframe with his bandages drenched in red.

"May I come in, Your Majesty?" You forced the sentence out, not daring to meet Jay's eyes. You heard a slight hum of approval, to which you sighed a breath of relief and strode in, immediately going to the tiny table you had set up in the corner of the room and getting your supplies to change Jay's bandages, not noticing how Jay's eyes were following your every movement.

Silence filled the room for many minutes as you went on with your routine of pressing the ointment against his wounds and wrapping them up in clean linen. You hadn't dared to lift your lids up to Jay, all the while you were touching his stomach.

"Who did that to you?"

The air stilled drastically, at Jay's cold question, which he offered in a bittersweet voice, and you knew he could see how you visibly froze, from the hair on top of your head down to your little toe finger.

"Pardon me, Your Majesty?" You said, pretending not to hear the question and quickly wrapping up your tools. But Jay was quicker.

"I said—" he leaned forward, to your figure sitting on the stool and he whispered dangerously in your ear,

"Who gave you that mark on your shoulder?"

Jay's suspicions proved true at your flinch at his tone. Leaning back to look at your face, he saw nothing but pure fear and a few tears. His thoughts immediately started to run wild.

"Forgive me." He sighed, "That was too far."

"It was." The words ran out before you could stop them, and a bit harsher than you had wanted.

"May I be please be excused?" You asked him, trying hard to ignore the pit in your stomach and the urge to throw yourself onto a bed and sob.

That night, you tried everything to fall asleep. Empty packets of chamomile were all strewn over the floor, the heavy scent of lavender candles floated in the air, and yet nothing was knocking you out.

Sleep came very late into the darkness and sleep came disturbed. You had no idea how many times your eyes cracked open and stared at the ceiling above because the nightmare just seemed too damn real to be a figment of your imagination. You wondered how it would have been like if you had stayed with Jay all night in his chambers, you had heard that Mrs.Chun often stayed with him when he was injured.

Secrets and secrets never to be untold, you started to write in your diary again, to kill your time, and hopefully drowse off as soon as your poem was completed.

Little did you know, a certain king was doing the same thing next door.

"So let me get this straight-" Sunghoon ran his fingers through his hair, "You have a very attractive woman your age tending to you, almost touching your abs, talking to you like you want to be talked to, smells like lavender, and an apparently suspicious bruise on her shoulder and you want to find out where that thing came from but she won't tell you?"

"Well when you say it that way." Jay glared at his fellow king, "And anyways I'm pretty sure she's upset with me right now, she practically ran out on me yesterday."

Sunghoon snickered and ran a hand through his hair again. "How are you holding up? With the injury and all?"

"It's much better than Y/N expects me to rest for." Jay scoffed, "Have you seen her out of her chambers when you were coming here?"

"I think she's in the infirmary." Sunghoon scratched his head, "One of the maids told me that she was busy."

If you were in the infirmary, the infirmary was where Jay would go. With a heavy breath, he lunged himself off of the bed and onto his feet, to the concerned brow raise of Sunghoon.

"Alright you should return to your palace now, doesn't the kingdom need you and all?"

"I don't think so." Sunghoon threaded his fingers into his locks, "It's a bright sunny day, Jongsoeng brighten up a bit!"

"If you touch your hair one more time Park Sunghoon, I will brighten up your funeral."

The infirmary was a place of healing. For both physical and mental wounds. For most of your teenage years, Mrs Chun had set about trying heal the latter, by immersing you into the art of healing others. It had been fascinating, you thought, the quiet of the stone walls and the cold air brushing against your skin with kisses you preferred. It made you forget your home.

So it wasn't a surprise that this was the place you came to early in the morning when the king had ordered your presence. You were currently working on a nightmare potion for yourself, trying to mix in some additionalities to make you dream about something else.

Your carefully measured out drops of cranberry juice caught your attention as the vibration from the sound of heavy steps coming from outside made it quiver ever so slightly.

Sighing to yourself when you heard the door knob's knock, you abandoned your chemicals and went towards the door, thankful for your infirmary outfit of trousers because they didn't drag behind you. Why couldn't you have worn this when you were tending to-

"Your Majesty!" You all but screamed, quickly bowing to the man in front of you, "uh....hi." you added awkwardly at the end.

"Hi." Jay replied back, "And I told you not to call me that. Just call me Jay it's fine."

"You're the goddamn king, I can't just call you by your first name." You retorted as Jay walked in and dropped into the chair by the table where your nightmare potion lay, "Do you need anything?"

"Entertainment." Jay replied promptly, curiously poking at some herbs, "Why don't you wear that often?"

"Pardon?" You said before looking down and realising what you were wearing. You quickly grabbed a blanket and covered your lower portion, "That wasn't meant for anyone's eyes."

"You look good." Jay winked, nibbling on the cilantro you had saved for the potion, "Is that a nightmare potion?"

"Mrs Chun told me you were horrible at potions." You laughed, letting do of the blanket and striding over to Jay, plopping down on the chair opposite to him, "Kudos to recognising the potion."

"She's exaggerating, you know how old women are these days."

"How old do you suspect I am?" You asked, curious as to the king's opinions on women's ages. Jay thought for a moment before speaking.

"Depends." He leaned forward and smiled, "How old do you think I am?"

"45." You answered with an air of pride to your voice, to which Jay gasped dramatically and put a hand to his chest.

"You wound me Y/N." He chuckled, "Healers are supposed to heal aren't they?"

"Well depending on how you take your tea with a jar full of honey, you're certainly an old man." You were uncontrollably laughing now, "We're the same age, 22."

There was a moment of silence, in which you silently took the potion away from his radius and into your hands, your eyes widening dangerously at the bubbling liquid.

"Damn it!" You said, wincing at the hot touch. You looked around frantically for something, anything, which could calm the potion down, while Jay looked on, confused at your doings. Nevertheless, he got up and started to look for whatever you wanted.

"What are we looking for?" Jay asked as you ripped open the cupboards, the potion was bubbling aggressively by now.

"Something that can calm the potion down!" You cried, trying to get your mind to think, something to neutralize liquid, "like a lemon, alkali something."

Jay knew nightmare potion was dangerous when it wasn't neutralized, poisoning the skin of those whose grasp it reached. He racked his brain, trying to remember what Mrs Chun had taught him.

"Oh how about that baking soda there!" Jay pointed, wincing slightly as he felt pressure against his wounds but he tried not to show it, "It's alkali is it not?"

You had no time to respond as you grabbed thd baking soda at the speed of lightning and poured it all into the potion. The aggravated liquid seemed to calm down, as the bubbles slowly faded away and the colour changes from green to its normal azure.

"Thank the fucking heavens." You sighed, plopping down on the table much to Jay's amusement, "Thank you, Jay."

"I don't think Mrs Chun would like the state of this room right now." Jay motioned to the floor, where powders and cupboards lay ripped open from your frantic try to find an alkali. He was right of course, Mrs Chun would have killed you. The baking soda was also finished.

"Ah damn." You said, not realising the amount of times you swore in front of the kind today, you had to go out and get new ones now. You started to pick up the bigger jars which were thankfully not broken and arrange them back, not noticing Jay doing the same thing behind you. When you did notice however you were horrified.

"Your Majesty sit down!" You commanded, forcing Jay down onto the chair, "You'll worsen the injury."

"But I want to help." Jay visibly pouted, adorable, you thought, "Please?"

"Absolutely not." You responded, five minutes away from tying him to the chair, "If you're that bored, we can talk, but under no circumstance am I allowing you to bend and work."

Jay considered his options and came to the conclusion that talking was the better option. He wanted to find out more about your mysterious ways of enchanting him so well, about that scar too....

"Shall I start then?" Jay asked, as you nodded and started on the mess again, "Favourite food?"

"That's the best question you could think of?" You scoffed playfully, nevertheless smiling at him, "Apricots. Alright my turn. Hm..allergies?"

"Peaches, which is a pity because I love peaches. Hobbies?"

"Most of the time, reading, but I like experimenting here in the infirmary." You said. You liked this conversation, it was peaceful, bouncing back on each other with questions of all kinds. There was laughter, teasing and perhaps the most happiness you had felt in a lot of time.

"Birds can take over the world, you can fight me on that."

"If I fought you over it, I'd probably lose." Jay laughed, holding his stomach from the amount of bird jokes you both had made in the past fifteen minutes.

"So any siblings?"

Jay's question made you freeze again into that familiar pose Jay had grown to hate now. He wondered whether it was something related to your family that you were making the nightmare potion for.

"I'm sorry, you clearly aren't comfortable with discussing it I won't bring it up agai-"

"No it's alright." You sighed, letting out a breath that felt like it had been caged forever somewhere, "I-Well I don't speak with my family anymore they weren't exactly the loving type, a-and I ran away when I was 14."

14. That was the age when Jay lost everything.

"Well I guess we have a lot in common then." Jay sent you a comforting smile. God he had a gorgeous smile, you wished you could see it on his face at all times of the day.

"That would be a horrible similarly wouldn't it?" You forced a kindred smile. Jay nodded at your statement, and picked up the cilantro again, bringing the smaller leaves to his mouth to chew.

"Well I'll leave you to your work." Jay slumped off of his chair, the pain in his bandages had decreased now, "Good day Y/N."

"Good day Your- I mean Jay."

Jay had no idea how he managed to reach his chambers, his feet managed to trace the path back, all that was on his mind was how much if a mystery you still were.

That night, he opened the glass case in his room for the first time in seven years, taking out the ruby dagger and admiring how much it felt like your touch.

"Hyung are you serious?" Jay's fingers massaged his temple, as Heeseung smirked.

Both of them were sitting outside, in the warm afternoon Sun after you had allowed Jay to go outside on making sure his bandages were healed. It had been a few days since the infirmary incident, and Jay had constantly sneaked up so many times and messed with your potions that you had to threaten to rip apart the infirmary and blame it on him when Mrs Chun returned. Jay had heard worse threats in his life, but never before had he actually listened to them than now.

Plus it was the only thing that could allow him to see you in your shirt and trousers fit which he adores so much, even if you glared at him while he made suggestions for a potion while sitting next to you. Granted, he had been useful sometimes, particularly the time, he carefully bandaged your hand when you got a nasty burn from some dragon scales.

Unbeknownst to him, you though he looked adorable, with his tongue stuck out in pure concentration, as he carefully pressed his fingers across yours. It bought a blush to your face.

"It's the only favour I ask of you Jay" Heeseung tried to put on his best boba eye impression, to manipulate Jay into asking you out on a date. To Heeseung's wedding.

"Why can't you ask?" Jay sighed, talking a sip of his lemonade.

"Because Y/N isn't making my heart beat at the pace of a cheetah, she's making yours." Heeseung smirked, "Wait isn't that her?"

Jay's head whipped around to look behind him, making a crack sound as it went. His eyes landed on someone in the distance, wearing an olive dress and a straw hat, carrying a wickerwork basket, possibly to pick some on the daffodils growing in the garden. Royal healers were always allowed to pick herbs in the garden, so that's what you were probably doing.

God you looked beautiful, Jay thought. It reminded him of earlier, happier days, of days when laughter echoed high through the walls and flowers bloomed. Especially lavender. Lavender, like his mother....

"Jay, you're staring." Heeseung coughed loudly, snapping Jay out of his euphoria.

In the distance, you were willing away your time by plucking out tiny bristles of daffodils, they would do you good in makin the nightmare potions again. It wad a pleasant day today and you hadn't expected Jay to come out, but there he was, sitting alongside Heeseung in a loose white shirt, open slightly at neck. You hoped fervently that there weren't any mind readers present at the scene, lest they read all your extremely unholy thoughts.

The last few days, were fun, happy even. You liked Jay making conversation with you at the infirmary. Sure he annoyed you sometimes, but you didn't think you had laughed this much in ages now. It felt like home, true home, which you hadn't ever known the feeling of.

The sound of loud coughing made you flinch as you turned around to see both the royals snap their heads into the distance from staring at you. Giggling to yourself, you began to walk towards them, basket full of daffodils in hand.

"Fuck she's coming here." Jay whispered, pretending to look busy in fishing the cilantro pieces out from his glass.

"And I thought I was the lovesick one." Heeseung rolled his eyes, quickly putting on his brightest smile, as he saw you approaching.

"Miss Y/N!" Heeseung bowed to you, trying to sound like he wasn't about to possibly ruin Jay's love life, "Are you doing well?"

"Perfect, Your Highness." You curtsied, noticing Jay still hiding his face, "Congratulations on the betrothal, Your Highness, or should I call you Heeseung?"

"You remember?" He shot you a cheeky smile, sitting down on his chair agin, as you sat down on the one a servant brought you, "Well I assume you are coming to the ball? I would be devastated if my darling Queen didn't meet you."

You chuckled and quietly shook your head. "I don't believe I was invited. Plus, i have no family or friend to go with."

"Oh what a coincidence! Jay doesn't either!" Heeseung said, in a fake cheery voice, as Jay groaned silently to himself and fervently wished to disappear from this moment. This was by far the weakest he had ever felt in all his life.

"Oh...um... That's sad?" You were uncertain on what to say. Heeseung took a deep breath, and reminded himself that he had to play Cupid properly.

"Yes it's so sad, don't you think it would so nice if you two went together?"

Perhaps the most frightening thing the birds heard that day was the sound of Jay's cough at Heeseung's sentence.

"Jay! Oh my god-" you panicked, bit Heeseung merely rolled his eyes and harshly patted Jay's back.

"Calm down idiot." Heeseung grumbled, and then turned back to you with a bright smile on his face, "Anyways, as we were saying, how about it Miss Y/N?"

"Well, for starters-" you said, with the air of a true healer, "I have to go out to town and get some supplies, the infirmary is nearly out. And secondly, it is a royal ball. I don't believe I have anything royal to wear."

"Oh pity, I think Jay knows a really good seamstress in town don't you Jay?" Heeseung smirked at a red eared Jay who was doing everything in his power to appear not flustered, "Plus weren't you going to go on your undercover rounds tomorrow Jay? Oh that's perfect! You and Y/N can go get the supplies in town, and get some measurements for her dress and voila! A perfect date to my wedding!"

That night, both you and Jay went to sleep peacefully, without scented candles or chamomile teas.

That night, a healer and a king couldn't wait for tomorrow's gift.

(And Heeseung slept, giggling next to his annoyed but loving wife)

"You look rather dashing." You giggled, clutching a basket tightly in your hand, and leaning against the door, admiring the figure of the man in front of you. Jay was clad in simple clothes today, a workman's attire. And he still looked more handsome that the devil himself.

"Oh shut up." Jay rolled his eyes, "You definetly look prettier."

"Where did you learn to impress a lady like that hmm?" You questioned, as Jay tried everything to adjust his collar and failed, "That's not how you press the fabric down idiot."

"First of all-" Jay glared playfully at you, "I didn't learn it just comes to me naturally" you scoffed at that, "Second of all you just called the king of tis kingdom an idiot. And third of all-" his eyes went round like the ones he used when he wanted something, "Can you adjust this collar please?"

"Idiot." You laughed, putting your basket down and walking over to him, your hands going up towards his unruly collar, "My idiot, unfortunately."

"Since when do healers get to own people?" Jay jested, feeling his entire world freeze at the soft touch of your hands. God you smelled like lavender and love.

Love? That four lettered word? Please, Jay mentally scoffed, it didn't exist.

But as Jay watched you, felt your fingers touching his neck, and your waist pressing against his, as you carefully adjusted the collar, in that very moment, he saw the most beautiful aspects of his life, and he knew he was helplessly in love. He craved your touch, your presence, your eyes stuck to his, anything with you. Was this the love his mother always spoke of?

"And I'm done!" You breathed a sigh of relief, the collar was hard to pull down, and you were relieved when it finally flattened. What you weren't expecting however, was Jay staring at you with widened eyes when you looked up from his neck.

"Um...Jay?" You said, waving your hand in front of him, "Earth to The great King Park Jongsoeng."

Your voice seemed to break Jay out of his temporary trance, as he quickly blinked his eyes and popped his lips together. "We should go." He said, much to your relief.

"Hey wait a second." You stopped him from exiting. Your fingers went up to his hair and quickly ruffled it, making it look messy and unruly

"There." You presented proudly, "now you look like a true town person."

Something in Jay told him that this day would go in a second as all good days went.

Jay had never before gone on his monthly undercover trip to the town, accompanied by anyone else. He feared it would blow his cover to the people. The trip always benefited him, he would get some delicious food, a day without guards, a day with peace, and a free survey of the citizens' wellbeing.

Today was different. He had no interest in looking at the wellbeing of the people, nor on the food. All he cared about was you.

You, with your head held high, easily chatting up the store owners, bargaining for the price of powdered dragon scales and smiling wide at the tiny child who had run up to you and have you a tiny sunflower blossom.

His heart was weak, fragile around you, it contained lovesick blood which he hadn't ever held before. Your hearty laughter, your hair moving in harmony with you and the contagious joy you spread to the people in the bustling market, it made Jay's knees buckle.

"Jongsoeng come on!" You cried, walking perhaps fifteen steps ahead of Jay. He had to jog to keep up. You were calling him by his actual name, since most people outside of royalty didn't know his real name.

"Did you get everything?" Jay panted, peering into your full basket. You nodded.

"Yep! I even got the cilantro you like chewing so much like a cow." You giggled, holding up a few leaves to his mouth, "Say ahh" you teased him as if you were feeding a child.

"Ahhh" Jay opened up his mouth and pushed the cilantro into his mouth, much to your surprise. You flinched slightly at his cold touch.

"Delicious." Jay smacked his lips together dramatically, "Anyways shall we get going?"

"Please don't tell me we're going to some shoe shop, I detest the smell of leather." You groaned, earning a look from Jay.

"That is by far the weirdest thing I've ever heard." Jay chuckled, "And we're going to the best seamstress of this kingdom darling, so keep your socks on."

Your heart fluttered uncontrollably at his nickname.

"Ah my King. Welcome!" A well dressed woman, with her hair tied into a fishtail greeted Jay and you. You assumed she was the Chaeryoung from "Chaeryoung's Seams", signboard outside which indicated her grand castle of a shop. This, according to Jay, was where all the aristocrats obtained their clothes.

"Chaeryoung, I assume you are well?" Jay pressed a kiss to her hand, a custom for most unmarried men, but delivering a pang of jealousy to your heart.

"I do not care about my wellbeing right now, Your Majesty. All I care about-" she shifted her pretty, cat-like eyes to you, "-is this beauty standing before me."

You felt your cheeks heat up at Chaeryoung's complement. You? A beauty? Impossible it seemed, especially next to a pretty woman like Chaeryoung.

"I am Y/N." You curtsied, "You are quite gorgeous yourself, Miss Chaeryoung."

Chaeryoung let out a giggle and blushed red in her ears, turning to Jay. "You found someone quite like yourself, Your Majesty."

"Oh please." You scoffed playfully, "I am much more handsome than him, don't you think?"

To Jay, that was more of a complement than an insult, especially when it came from your mouth.

You stayed in Chaeryoung's shop until the sky darkened. She wouldn't let you go until you tried on every combination she asked you to.

Jay was quite useful in this, you thought, giving Chaeryoung recommendations on necklines and earings and whatnot.

A memory which stayed particularly on your mind, was when you stepped out in a beautiful dress, which hugged your body perfectly, with a neckline that could send any man to heaven if he looked at it.

Any man meant Jay too, who thought he would combust if he saw you on any more dresses. He swore he could have seen pixies sparkling their magic dust over you.

"How does this look?" You stood in front of Jay with a big smile on your face.

"Spin for me." Jay said, standing up, to assess the dress more properly, as you spun, the fabric seemingly obeying your every command and spinning with you like a Scottish Fold's tail. Could you get any prettier?

"I swear to god if you don't get this dress, I will open my bandages." Jay said dramatically, much to Chaeryoung's pleasure who nodded and rushed out of the room, to get your measurements.

"Do I look good?" You asked again, a bit uncertainly this time.

"Good?" Jay scoffed, "You look like the prettiest person on earth."

"You sure know how to make a girl blush, are you sure you haven't had practice?" You giggled, spinning one more time in the dress to admire yourself. You loved the way the fabric felt against your skin, it hugged it in a way that all your scars didn't hurt too much. A perfect dress, you thought.

Perfect. Until you looked down at your collarbone.

Fate has its ways, dear reader. And it has many ways for misfortune.

"Oh no-no no no." You swore under your breath. Well that is, if you were even breathing. You were panicking, and panic attacks weren't exactly cotton candy flavoured for you. You could feel your throat tighten up and your peripheral vision blend out.

You felt cold all around, you felt the harsh words of little girls and the screams of your parents. You felt Jooyeon too....

"Hey hey Y/N, calm down." You could hear Jay's voice faintly behind you, but you couldn't bring yourself to focus on anything.

Jay was worried, extremely worried. He hadn't ever seen you panic like this before. Sure you had a few stressful mishaps in the infirmary, but this? Never before. Jay was confused as to why you were currently supporting your entire weight on him but he took one look down at your collarbone and he knew.

"Y/N, darling, I need you to breathe for me." Jay whispered in your ear, unsure of what to do. His hands trailed down to your waist, while one supported your shoulder.

"Shh, I'm right here, I'm right here calm down." Jay coached you, tracing shapes along your neck, which worked effectively.

"I-" you kept your sob in your throat, "I need something to c-cover..."

You felt a warm sort of cloth wrap around your shouder, Jay's jacket.

"Calm down now." Jay whispered again, hearing faint footsteps in the distance, "I'll distract Chaeryoung, you run."

"Your bandages aren't bleeding much, I think they're healed.." You clicked your tongue, pressing against Jay's wounds.

"You sound worried though, darling." Jay said, his eyes never leaving you even as you got up and settled your supplies down.

"You know I won't ever stop worrying about you." You chuckled, sitting opposite him on the bed, with two cups of chamomile. Drinking tea with Jay at night seemed to relax your nerves.

"So..."

"So?"

"Would you like to talk about what happened?"

You bit your lip at his question, savouring the taste of the chamomile for a while.

"Would you really like to know?" You sighed, putting your tea down, "You've been curious over it for a lot of days."

"I would like to know whether you want Jooyeon killed or tortured." Jay calmly sipped his tea.

Jooyeon.

How did he know?!

"How-" you raised your eyes to him, "Do you know about Jooyeon?"

"I'm a King, darling." Jay chuckled, his eyes seemed more dangerous than ever, "I know everything."

"If you knew everything, then why did you ask me?" You said, your tone laced with venom.

Jay's eyes softened. "I know who he is but I don't know what he did to you, darling." He toyed with his empty cup, "and I wanted to know why you hide that scar."

"Because it's ugly!" You cried out, slamming your teacup onto the table next to you, you were surprised it didn't break, "Because everyone I've ever met in my life recoils from it whenever they see it and for some fucking reason you didn't and it's just so weird!"

The air stilled again in that familiar manner, and flashes of memories came into Jay's mind.

'Mum why do you hide your shoulder?'

'its not as beautiful as the rest of me, Jay. Why do you ask?'

'You're still pretty to me mum!'

Your memories on the other hand, were entirely different.

The sound of glass....

The smell of blood....

Jooyeon's grip on your thigh.....

"Y/N, love-"

"I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have-"

Jay's hand buried you into his chest, as your sob ripped through the air like a siren. He could feel his shirt become damp but he didn't give a single damn. All he cared about was how you were practically shaking apart in his arms.

Your shattered words of 'Im sorry!' broke his heart into tatters and he felt like he was 13 again, listening to his mother son and him not being able to do anything.

Except this time, he could.

In the quiet moments of vulnerability, you shared your fear with him, trusting him with your deepest secrets. And as Jay held you in his arms, he realized that he had become your safe haven, and his love for you blossomed in that tender embrace.

"Y/N, love, look at me?" Jay tilted your head up to him, grabbing your chin with his finger. Your tear stained eyes looked up at him with nothing but calm trust. You did trust him. And love him too.

As your eyes met, a sense of familiarity washed over you. It was as if your souls had known each other in a different time and place. In that profound connection, you realized that the fates had pulled their strings again love unfurled within you.

"I-I want to-"

"Do it."

That's all Jay needed, for him to crash into you and create a magnificent firework display, maybe only he could see all the sparkles and colours. Jay could taste sweet moonlight and honey on your lips. Blood rushed to his heart, which pumped it ever so fastly, it was about to explode out of his chest.

He craved this, he craved it as a battlefield craved blood or as a nightmare potion craved alkali. Ribbons of love and hope rushed out of his neck, where your arms wrapped, sinking into him, with pure trust and love.

Was this the love the poets spoke of?

Maybe not, Jay thought, but he didn't care anymore. This was the love he now wanted, he never wanted to let go of it.

Perhaps he never would.

Silence fell like darkness, as you pulled away slowly, still keeping your eyes close for a second. You couldn't believe what on earth had just happened. Jay couldn't either.

“That felt like a crime against humanity.” you broke the silence, with your serious statement.

The seriousness didn't last long, when Jay looked into your eyes, you looked into his, and the both of you burst out laughing.

"Was that your first kiss?" Jay teased, his fingers were threading through your hair, relaxing you.

"Yours too?" You retorted.

Amidst the moonlight, no one would have suspected that a healer and a king would be laughing raucously, looking at each other with nothing but love, something they never experienced before.

“I mean, I could do with some more of that.” you said shyly, feeling a blush creep up to your face.

"Why don't we then, darling?"

Next chapter coming soon!

Tags: @amazzwon @heeseungshim @kvmariii @mwahvvis @hottiewifeyyyy @sacrificeatmeup @perfectnighttt @yawnzzhoon @yunabi436 + send an ask to be tagged!

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pyramid-of-starrs · 7 months

Note

from your kinktober masterlist I like 3!! 💘

Due by 11:59

Kinktober request: 3 Lab partner Hyunjin, Sensory Deprivation

Pairing: Ex best friend Hyunjin x Chubby Fem Reader (wrote as a black/poc character but anyone can have brown nipples lol)

Summary: The fall semester was going great until you are paired up with your ex high school best friend (and crush) Hyunjin. You two decided to do your assignment at his dorm but then a question about human intimacy and senses has you and your partner experimenting on each other.

Word Count: 3.8K (lol these were supposed to be drabbles btw)

Kink: Sensory Deprivation

Warning: Enemies to lovers, oral sex (F receiving)

Minors dni

"Okay class that concludes our lecture for today, please check the google doc that I sent to you all for your group assignment and who you will be paired with, you are dismissed." Your professor said as he ended class, before you put your iPad in your bag you checked the assignment and that’s when your eyes got wide. You rushed down the aisle of the classroom to the professors desk while everyone was leaving, slightly out of breath from speeding over.

"Excuse me sir there has to be some kind of mistake here." you said as you huffed. The professor knew it would be you to say something after he assigned you with the person he did so he continued to pack up.

"There is no mistake Ms. L/N, that is your partner for this assignment."

"B-but sir! You know me and that snake don't get along and I actually take your class seriously he is just here for credits, please sir just reconsider. I can give you so many reasons why this isn't a good idea." You continued to talk and spew put reasons and ideas for a solution, your professor sighed and considered if he even got paid enough to deal with people like you.

"Alright, alright enough! Listen Ms. L/N sometimes in life you have to deal with people you don't want to, I'm sure people have felt that way about you, I will not be changing the class pairings just to accommodate you. No one else has an issue." He said finally looking at you.

"But sir he wasn't even here today! I'm sure if he was, he would say the same th-."

"He already knows and has agreed to it, have a good day Ms. L/N." Your professor interrupted you to say, leaving out the room, as he walked in a man with a long slim body build walked in almost as if you summoned him.

"I guess you heard the great news huh?" a smiled creeped up on the boys face like he was teasing you.

You scoffed at him. "God fuck off Hyunjin." even the name leaving your lips tasted bitter, it wasn't always like this, you and Hyunjin were actually close back in high school. Back when you were just the chunky nerd and Hyunjin was the scrawny dork, you two were an inseparable pair, but then senior year rolled around and Hyunjin went away for the summer and came back bulkier and cute little Hyunjin became hot hunk Hyunjin. The people that ignored him those 3 years finally gave him attention, they invited him into the inner circle, and he was finally accepted, leaving you behind. You tried not being bothered by it but the communication between you two started to fizz out, prom time came around and you and Hyunjin made a promise to go with each other since you both didn't plan on dating anyone and it was obvious you two liked each other but you two didn't see that. You walked up to Hyunjin at lunch time which was bold since he sat with the "popular kids" now and asked him about prom and when you two should start planning but one of the girl spoke before he could reply.

"Ew why would Hyunjin go to prom with a fat loser like you?" she said laughing at your question.

"I-I'm not a loser! Plus, me and Hyunjin already decided to go together years ago, so butt out!" you replied while gripping the sides of your lunch tray.

"Oh, fatty has some sass, well sorry but he's going with me now, better find someone else, if that's even possible." Her and a few of the other girls started to laugh while Hyunjin sat back in silence, your eyes met, you hoped he would say anything, but the words never came out.

"Hyunjin is this true?" you questioned in a defeated tone, his eyes moved to look down at the table because he saw the tears start to gloss over your eyes.

"I'm sorry Y/N... I forgot about our promise." his ferret like eyes looking over you.

"Oh... well okay, sorry to bother you then..." you walked out the lunch room before tears started to stream down your embarrassed face. You didn't even bother going to prom, after graduation you got into your dream school that was luckily far away from home, but of course you and Hyunjin both applied, and he was accepted as well. You didn't know he got in until he walked into your Human behavior class, his shoulders were broader, and his once short black hair was now almost shoulder length, God he was gorgeous, and you hated to admit it. You chose to keep things how they were and avoided speaking to him, deep down your feelings were still hurt and that made you want nothing to do with him, but fate had other plans.

"As much as I would love to stay out of your way Y/N this isn't something we can avoid." His voice was like silk.

"It could have been! Why would you tell him you were okay with working with me Hyunjin!" your frustrations grew, even looking at his beautiful sleek face invoked so much emotion from you.

"Because I AM okay with it Y/N..." his reply made your heart skip a beat and that just pissed you off more.

"Whatever this assignment is due on Sunday at 11:59 so let's just meet up Saturday and get everything done, I'm busy with my other class work so that's my only free day."

"Can't, I have a showing for my art class that night, I would love for you to come." An innocent smile plastered on his face.

"Pass." you said trying to not let the smile affect you.

"How about Sunday then? Since facilities will be closed you can come over to my dorm and we can cram that night, the assignment is the study of human interactions, and we got intimacy so it should be pretty easy."

"Fine, take my number I'll text you when I'm on the way." you took out your phone and you two exchanged info.

...

Sunday was finally here, and you stood outside of Hyunjins dorm waiting for him to let you in, the cold fall winds blew, and you were grateful you opted to wearing jeans but the choice of a plain white crop top and an open hoodie may have not been the right one. You wanted to look like you didn't put in a lot of effort even though you made sure to get your hair done and lashes and nails refilled yesterday, but that's just self-care, right?

The door to the dorm hall finally opened and Hyunjin stood on the other side of it, he had on a beanie and his reading glasses.

"Y/N thanks for coming come in." you followed Hyunjin into the dorm and down the hall to the elevator, you noticed his hair spilled out the back of the beanie, was this really your high school best friend? His back was wider even though his frame was still small, he wore shorts and his legs that you use to tease him about got thicker and even grew hair, then you noticed his veins on his fore arms from his rolled up sleeves, a lot of feelings were going through your mind but then you can't help but recall how he iced you out and let his friends treat you horribly and you were back to being ready to get this whole thing over with.

Once you reached his room, he scanned his key card and opened the door.

"Come in, Mi casa es su casa!" he said as he happily welcomed you, Hyunjin was always a bit of a genius, so he was placed in the honors dorms that were just nice studio apartments, looking around it was actually pretty nice, plants and paintings around the apartment, it was neat and on the coffee table there were snacks and drinks. You walked in and placed your laptop bag on the floor next to the couch and removed your hoodie then took a seat, you reached into your bag and took out your laptop.

"I got some snacks and stuff for us, and we can watch some TV or play some music while we work."

"Let's just get this over with." you said as you started to type away on your laptop, Hyunjins small grin dropped, and he grab his laptop to work with you. Some hours of silent work passed and you were kind of exhausted, it was still an hour and a half till the deadline and you realized you haven't said a single word to Hyunjin, you were at a portion of the assignment that you had to work together on and that meant asking for help and that made you gag mentally.

"Hey... section 16 says we have to work together so..." you said softly.

His eyes bounced over to you.

"Oh, you made it to that section finally, yeah let's do it!" He was so eager to be working with you, happy to finally be back in your presence even though you hated it, a win was a win in his eyes, he missed you so much and just couldn't say it especially since he knew you hated him.

"So, it says that a humans senses is a large part of human intimacy, which two senses are the most important and give some examples and reasons why. Work with your partner on what happens when those senses are taken away and write their reactions in a document." you gulped nervously when you finished reading out loud.

"Okay what senses do you think we should pick?" his body turning to face you.

"Maybe sight and touch, but how would we test that?" you both sat and pondered until Hyunjin made an "Ah" noise.

"I got just the thing." he didn't explain further and walked off to the closet next to the bathroom down the hallway then returned holding two red silk pieces of fabric in his hand.

"After I talked to our moms a couple weeks ago about my hair your mom sent me some silk scarfs and bonnets to make sure my hair didn't get damaged since I'm growing it out."

"Why are you still talking to my mom?"

"Because she loves me." He stood there looking at you, he was very serious it was almost cute.

"Whatever, what are we supposed to do with them?" you said after you rolled your eyes.

"How about one of us blind folds the other and ties up their hands and we can see how we feel about different touch points and sound triggers." His suggestion was actually good, and you hated that.

"Okay, let's rock paper scissors to see who gets tied up and blind folded." a very dumb suggestion to make because you lost horribly and now, you're sitting blind folded with your hands tied up in front of you. You two decided since the bed had more space to do everything it would make the most sense to experiment there. You sat on your legs while Hyunjin sat Criss cross apple sauce, you were both facing each other while Hyunjin read off instructions on his laptop.

"So, lets test how heightened your other senses are, I'm going to say some phrases and you tell me how it feels." you nodded in response.

"You look beautiful today Y/N."

"W-what!" your face immediately heated up.

"Sorry, I'm just reading from the list, did that make you feel shy?"

"I-I guess..." you could feel a pit in your stomach.

"Okay I'll put that down then." you could hear him start to type on his computer.

"Hey! Don't write that!" your face was hot thinking that someone would read that Hyunjin was making you feel shy, you could hear him giggling.

"I think you're very cute Y/N." you started fidget a bit at his words.

"Am I making you feel anxious or nervous?"

"A little..." the typing continued.

"I love you Y/N." there was a moment of silence, your stomach was in your ass.

"O-okay." your voice going hoarse, he didn't ask anything but continued to type

"Okay, it says to whisper into your ear to see if there is any changes." You heard him get off the bed and move around it, you really should have read the instructions before you agreed because you didn't recall this at all. You felt him standing behind you, so you scooted forward to give him room on the bed to sit down, he took a seat behind you, his chest inches from your arm and back, your heart started to race.

"Ready ?" you could feel him close to your ear, his breath passing by.

"Yes."

"I missed you Y/N." The phrase was like hammers breaking down the wall you built to keep Hyunjin out.

"Alright." you replied.

"Do you feel the same way?" Hyunjin asked.

"...kind of..." there was a pause before he moved forward.

"I'm sorry for hurting you Y/N."

"Is this on the list?" you turned your head a bit despite not being able to see him

"Yes, does this make you want to accept my apology?"

"Maybe." you turned back to your position and Hyunjin continued.

"I'm sorry I hurt you and made you feel abandoned" he said, this couldn't have been on there, right?

"Hyunjin I-" you tried to interject but he continued.

"I'm sorry for not sticking up for you and I'm really sorry I didn't keep our promise."

You sat there listening to his apology, you wanted to hit him, but you wanted to hold him more than anything.

"How does that make you feel Y/N?" he questioned.

"Like I'm talking to someone I loved..."

"Lastly we'll incorporate touch, I'll have to touch the areas with exposed skin is that okay?" he moved on, you nodded to answer.

"Can you answer with words please?"

"Yes." you replied a bit swiftly.

His hands touched your shoulders, his long finger glided over your skin giving you goosebumps, he started to lightly brush his fingers up and down your forearms and arm. You moved his lips closer to the shell of your ear, his lips grazing you.

“You smell so good Y/N, you still use the same vanilla scent?”

"Th-thank you." You started to feel a tingling sensation in your core that made you squirm a bit.

"I really missed being this close to you and touching you like this." His hands danced around your skin, one hand going from your arm to lightly pass over your chest and neck and repeating that motion, you started to inhale and exhale quietly to calm yourself.

"I missed it too..." not being able to see or touch him back made everything he did and said more intense, you started to move your hands to try to loosen the scarf, but you could feel Hyunjins hand land on yours.

"Naughty little Y/N trying to end the experiment early we aren't done just yet." he said into your ear, you squeezed your thighs together to cool the heat pooling in your core and lightly whimpered, you could feel Hyunjin drag his soft lips down your neck while his hand lightly cupped your breast, his touch was so gently yet you could feel the intense yearning he had for you.

"Please Hyunjin..." you started to beg in a whimpering tone.

"How does this make you feel Y/N?" you didn't reply, you somewhat didn't want to admit the feeling you had after harboring this much anger toward him.

"I can't keep going if you don't reply baby."

"I feel like... I need you... I need you now please." you couldn't see it, but a devious smile crept up on Hyunjins face.

"Good girl." was the last thing he said before stepping off of the bed and pushing you back, you could feel him getting back on the bed and then on top of you. Though you couldn't see you could feel the pressure, Hyunjin removed his hat then lifted your arms up to the beds rail style headboard, you thought that he was untying you but instead he tied your hands to the headboard, you tried to tug them down and couldn't. He dove face first into your neck, you felt him kissing and sucking your skin while his hands traveled back down to your breast to lightly grope and massage them, your body felt so sensitive like you could melt under his touch you couldn't help but to squirm and buck your hips as you moaned. Hyunjin lifted your shirt and bra enough for your breast to plop out, he moved down your body to begin to suck your pretty brown nipples, you continued to gyrate as your heat got more sensitive and needy.

"P-please Hyunjin, at least untie me." you said as you wiggled under him to try to loosen your binds, Hyunjin continued to leave a trail of kisses down your stomach then stopped at your jeans to peel them off your legs leaving you in your wet pink lacy panties. He sat on his knees on the side of you, taking his long finger to your core to glide them between your wet clothed walls, he made sure to take extra time to rub circles on your sensitive nub while you continued to moan at the unbearable sensation. He continued to rub you and watched as you wiggled and squirmed from his touch, enjoying the show.

"Does it feel good Y/N? Do you want me to touch you more?" His voice adding more fuel to the fire in your core.

"Yes please, I need you so bad Jinnie." you were so desperate for more of him you even called him his old nicknamed, Hyunjin hissed at your pleas and decided you earned more, he finally removed your panties, once off he could really see just how bad you needed him, your slick was pouring out of you and your pussy was begging to be touched, he reached up too your face to remove your blind fold but kept your hands tied.

"Look Y/N, look how bad your pussy has missed me, you're so wet for me." your eyes took a second to adjust then you looked down, you hadn't even noticed you had your legs spread nice and wide for Hyunjin and your pussy was soaked.

"I want you to watch while I finally do to you what I've wanted too for years." he returned between your legs and left a few kisses on your lower belly, his hands gripped and mushed your thick thighs then he moved to leave lingering kisses on them, he kissed down your thighs and made it to exactly where you wanted him. He wasted no time peppering kisses on your heat then licking a few stripes, his arms wrapped around your thighs then he started to eat your pussy like you were his last meal. Your head dropped back onto his pillows, you wanted to grab his hair but the scarf binding your hands wouldn't allow it, instead all you could do is buck your hips into his face more. Hyunjin continued to lap up your juices then started to suck your aching clit like a sucker causing you to yell out his name followed by multiple curse words, thank God the honors dorms were soundproof to encourage a healthy studying environment. Your pussy started to pulse around nothing, and you felt your orgasm coming, you started to feel dizzy because this was the most sensitive you had ever felt.

"Please, Hyunjin I'm gonna cum please untie me." Yet your begging fell on death ears, Hyunjin was pussy drunk on your sweet taste, a taste he missed out on for years because of your falling out, he thought about how you would taste on his tongue or how your pussy would feel around his dick for so long and he was going to enjoy every moment of this. After the incident in high school Hyunjin no longer felt good about coming around you, he felt guilt when he would see your face and was too much of a coward to apologize. After not seeing you after graduation you could imagine how fast his heart raced when he saw your name on the class sign-up sheet for Human behaviors 101, it wasn't a needed class for Hyunjin since he was going into art therapy and many other choices but any chance he got to see you he was going to take it. Now thanks to that class here he was about to have the love of his life cumming on his face.

Your hips continued to move up and down, your moans never stopped just like his tongue. You saw a white flash as you came on Hyunjins face, he continued to eat you out as you came down from your high, you wanted to push him off as you started to feel over stimulation kicking in but all you could do in yell for him to stop. He finally detached his face from your core with stings of your slick connected to his chin.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself, I've wanted to do that for so long." he said while trying to catch his breath.

"Really?" you looked up at him with innocent eyes.

"Of course, Y/N, I was serious when I said I loved you." he moved next to you swiftly to untie you then to cup your face and give you reassurance.

"I love you too Hyunjin..." you both looked at each other with a longing gaze before your lips connected, you could still taste yourself on his lips and tongue as the kiss got deeper, then you remembered why you were even here.

"Mm, oh my god what time is it the assignment!" you said, Hyunjin reached to the nightstand to grab his long forgotten about laptop.

"Shit... 12:01" you both looked at each other then laughed.

"Welp, I guess we'll just ask for an extension tomorrow, visiting hours are also over so I guess you gotta stay here." He looked at you with lust filling his slit eyes.

"Fine but you're getting tied up next."

#hyunjin smut #hwang hyunjin smut #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfic #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x black reader #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #writenbypyramidofstars

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cepheustarot · 6 months

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Will you achieve your goal? What needs to be done to achieve it?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur. You build your own life and destiny.

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: you will achieve the goal, and here I see people who have a common goal with someone, or are connected with people, with a certain person. People can also help you achieve your goal. As I see it, here some may have lost their way, find themselves in a dead end situation and the actions you are taking to resolve this situation do not help. You are in search of a solution, come up with new strategies, new plans, try to look at everything from different angles, objectively assess your situation. The cards say that in order to move on, you need to abandon the old strategy, actions that you already do out of habit or automatically and try something new for yourself. Here i am talking about the fact that you need to try something that at first glance you would consider unsuitable for yourself, like: "this is strange, not in my style, I would think about this last turn", in general, try something new, unusual for you, to go beyond the usual, that's what I mean. And just people can help you take the first steps towards discovering something new and unusual. I thought it necessary to pull card with advice for you, it says: give yourself a second chance. Perhaps you have already tried something before, but it didn't work out, so it's worth going back to it again and trying again. I understand that my explanations may sound very vague, but the tarot readings are common to everyone and I try to describe it in such a way that it fits at least most of the options. In any case, I believe in you and that you will cope and achieve success!

Pile 2: you will achieve the goal, I see that you are determined to achieve your goal. you yourself possess such qualities as intelligence, insight, accept any challengs, you are one of those whom competition and rivalry motivates, sets up to reach heights, to be better than others, than everyone else. And you need to continue to maintain this attitude in order to achieve what you want. But be careful, do not be arrogant, because competitors can get ahead of you and because of this you will fall into complete despondency, the desire to do something will disappear, you give up. It is also possible that you are a workaholic who work day and night, you do not know what rest is and therefore often burn out, which then results in apathy. But if you have already lost your attitude and are in a pessimistic state, then you should remember why you did not give up earlier, which helped you move on. remember what you have already achieved and remember that your condition is not eternal, it will pass. You will definitely achieve what you want, believe in yourself.

Pile 3: You will not reach the goal, there is a chance that the goal that you have now seems no longer relevant and you will change it to something that suits you more at this time. I took out the cards to clarify why you will not achieve the goal, and here I see that many people have this goal associated with close people with whom you have made plans. Maybe you are now going through a breakup, divorce, loss of a person, or you are disappointed in a person and do not want to have anything to do with him anymore, because you saw his other side, saw that he lied to you, did not keep promises or something like that. You could also have a misunderstanding that is difficult to resolve, because you and your interlocutor are very stubborn and cannot find a compromise. Also, someone may have a division of things, money, property, etc. by inheritance, and perhaps you did not get what you expected or did not get anything at all, although you were promised a lot. Here we can also talk about business, for example, an unsuccessful transaction took place or your investments in something did not pay off and competitors pushed you out, ahead of you. In fact, all these failures will end and what you have lost will return to you many times better, more, so try not to hang up your nose. I am sure that everything will get better in your life and you will cope with everything, you are stronger than you think.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback <3

#pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #pick a pile

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vitanithepure · 8 months

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Can we talk about Gale again? And Mystra, one last time? Or at least let me vent? I know it seems like I can't shut up about it, but deal with me this one last time?

It's a long one, an fervent one, and possibly the last one on their relationship because there isn't much to tell for me after this. I just want to lay it to rest on my part, it's too emotionally draining, but I wanted to do this.

Spoilers for them ahead.

It was some time ago I did the talk with Mystra and Gale as an origin character and I needed some time to process this and gather my thoughts. Because I was left reeling with how personal it felt for me and I hated seeing that to bo honest, even though I think whoever did write this scene did it... very well. I feel a lot of thought went into it, so even though it does touch a delicate subject it does it as tastefully as possible.

Okay, let's begin with a real banger.

Why? This will forever read as "I gave you a solution, explain yourself why you didn't die when I asked you to." for me. What kind of messed up question is that to ask someone?

But can I say how there is absolutely no wrong anwser to that asinine question? You can roleplay however you wish, but none of them are bad anwsers. Some of them are more heartbreaking then the others, but none are in any way making excuses. There is nothing to excuse and I'm glad whoever wrote this dialogue recognized this.

I chose the "I have someone else to live for" one here, because I felt that Gale, at this point, really found that special someone, be it a friend or lover, to live for. It's gut-wrenching that he needed someone to keep him alive in the first place, but this is what having an abusive ex does to you.

But the other choices here? All of them fair. She absolutely had no right to ask that of him, no matter the crime, that's just a fucked up thing to expect.

Being afraid to die? Valid, this shouldn't be put up to question.

Two last ones? Pure gold. I treat the fourth one as a direct jab at her own teachings, on how all magic needs to be preserved and studied? It's like him saying "Hey, I did what you expected and now your mad?".

The very last one is poetic justice. "I owe you nothing." and if that were me this would be the absolute end of this discussion. Mic drop, I'm out of here.

And okay, I did take he self-pity route with "I let you down." here becuase this is what I believe is closest to how "canon" Gale feels about this. That's the most heartbreaking thing about it, that he believes he was not worth enough before and is even less now and doesn't deserve love, of any kind.

What are the other options? Well, all in character and each seems like a valid way for Gale to feel. But me, the player, who is fortunate to know some meta knowledge? Oh boy.

"I was a danger to you." No you weren't. She is the goddess of magic, one of the most powerful out here. She is magic. All you could do is make her day worse.

"I disobeyed you." Yeah, you did. And she sentenced you to a slow death for it.

"You were threatened." Eh, not really. But what comes after that statement? "You realised you couldn't control me."? Yes, that is the only thing she felt threatened about - loosing control.

"Our relationship bored you. The orb was just an excuse to end it." I mean... maybe? Not enough is known about it but seeing how all reincarnations of Mystra are fickle lovers at best I would say it's a possibility. Even if it is just his ego speaking here - damn, what a way to end a relationship.

She has the audacity to tell him "he only thought of himself". Pot calling the kettle much?

Oooh, but I love what we can say here. The amout of vicious call outs here is superb.

We get to call out how much of a control freak she is. Then we can say how out of place was her punishment. Because I feel like it was a fucking equivalent of throwing a child into a dark cellar for breaking your favorite cup, while all they wanted to do was wash it for you. That is how imbalanced this whole thing is and I'm not taking criticism on that.

We also get to straight up ask what was the lesson if she never let him know what he really did and left him without means to make things right?

Then my favorite. Straight up ask her how many lives was she willing to sacrifice to get rid of the problem?

And last but not least - call her out on her lies. That's what she did. Why? I don't know. Was she afraid? Possibly, because the Karsite Weave + Crown of Karsus combo could potentially threaten her. Potentially, because as we saw in one of the Gale endings, she has no problem with just getting rid of a newly ascended god wielding them. That leads me to believe she is not afraid of loosing power as much as just being rivaled with. The indignity she has to suffer, truly.

Hit a nail on the head here. Who cares about mortals, if they live or die and in how many droves? Competition comes knocking, so all gloves are off. And that is what I believe to be the crux of the matter. Mystra wants to remove the Absolute (because that's the new upstart god breaking the status quo), the orb containing he rival Weave, the Crown which threatens her rule over magic all in one swoop. Oh, and that one guy who tries too hard and refuses to die. No biggie. Who cares, she has a line of followers who would replace her Chosen at any given time.

I'm a salty bitch over the fact we can't keep the Crown of Karsus, but instead of using it - just hide it away again. Stablize Gale's Karsite Weave and keep that thing around, hidden away. Let her sweat over the idea someone else might find it one day and rival her rule.

I know I'm way too emotional about it, but like I said, it's very personal - I been there, done that, and never recovered in full after it. I'll die defending anyone and any pixels who are struggling with their self-worth and trying to get over an emotionally abusive relationships.

"Be the better person, die saving the world and I'll 'forgive' you." Fuck. You.

And a bonus, for those of you who stuck around till the end, because I was totally naming the screens and yelling at my monitor while doing this.

#sorry if it's too personal can't really be helped on that matter #that analysis cost me a lot but I'm so happy I got it out there #bg3 spoilers #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #mystra #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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theallianceofcelestials · 3 months

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This is a post that is probably not gonna be well recieved, but oh well lol. Gotta let these things out too.

I miss Moon, and I meant the Old one. He was a funky character, even if he had many faults. The fact that his final wish came true, a version of him that would treat Sun better, in the form of New Moon, makes it a little bittersweet.

I'm ultimately happy Old Moon can rest, and that New Moon got the chance to live, because he's a sweety who deserves good things, and does not deserve the stress he is placed under thanks to certain forces.

But alas, this is time to go down memory lane, cuz I've been seeing people hate on Old Moon, and while yeah sure he did terrible things, he was ultimately not the monster New Moon and some fans make him out to be.

Because whenever I see someone say Old Moon was never a good brother, I sometimes begin to think if we've watched the same show or not. Yeah, he was more times a questionable brother than not, but he did have his fair share of sweet moments, even if the circumstances, which lead to his bitterness, hatred and depression, rarely let such softness shine through.

Remember how in the first SCP video, which was in VRCHAT, when Sun ran through the Tesla gate, Moon immediately went "Good job brother"? Or when later in the same video, after looking at SCP-096 or 'Shy guy', when it starts going into it's murderous rage, Sun's panicking, and Moon says: "Brother, brother! I'm okay! It's okay! Brother, I'm here!"?

Remember when Eclipse first appeared, in the "Sun and Moon TRANSFORM into ECLIPSE in VRCHAT", Sun quietly asked if he was going to die, and Moon immediately went: "No, no! Out of anything, I won't let that happen!"? He offered to go back, to be back to square one in the same body, which we know is basically his worst trauma, because he didn't want his brother to die. His brother being alive, was more important to him, than his own freedom.

Remember when in the Wither Storm Saga 3rd episode, when Moon's in a panic about the bomb not killing the Wither Storm, Sun calms him down, and brings up how the book can be used for something else probably, and how that leads to Moon figuring the solution out WITH Sun, both leading one another? Remember how Moon said to Sun: "You tiny little genius!"? How sweet he sounded while doing it?

Remember when in the lore video directly after the Wither Storm Saga, how Moon said if he ever gets into an episode like Beta-10 again, that Sun get someone else immediately, because he doesn't want to hurt Sun?

Remember when in the video "Eclipse TRAPPED Sun and Moon in The BACKROOMS! in VRCHAT" the light suddenly went out, and Sun went into a panic, the way Moon gently guides his brother towards the light? Calmly and softly saying "Over there, over there"?

Remember when in the video "The DEATH of SUN and MOON in VRCHAT", how Moon just quietly says "I don't wanna lose you"? Or when he cuts off an anxious and unsure Sun, to say "I love you too brother"? When he says to Eclipse in front of Sun, "You are gonna take away the only thing, the only person I care about"? When he says that Lunar isn't fighting him for control, because he knows the moment Sun is gone, Moon will just give up? His quiet admitance that he did not want Sun to think less of him? How when he promises Sun, that he will get him back, they are holding hands? Something that Moon hates, and he will freely do for his brother, because his brother is more important than his own discomfort. Because even if he did mistakes, he loves Sun more than anything.

Was he perfect? No. No he wasn't. He did terrible things, for no reason at all at times. But he wasn't just a monster. He was a person placed in a terrible situation, with a code in his head telling him to do horrible things, and before KC, we did not know it was possible to go against one's nature, one's coding, one's very own being, and yet, Moon fought his killcode. He fought what was essentialy a loosing battle, and came out battered and bruised, with victories that were only temporary. But he still did it, because there was a person (later persons), who wanted him around. And because of that he made damn sure to fight his nature everytime.

Could he have been better? Yes.

Did he treat Sun terribly? At times yes!

Were some of his actions truly horrible? They were.

But was he a heartless monster, who cared for no one? No. No, he wasn't.

He was a person, trying to live, with everything stacked against him and his brother from the very begining. And he immensely fucked up. No question about that.

But he did care

(Sorry about the long, depressive post lol. Got into a mood, and wanted to get the depression off my chest for a bit. But yeah, I love this guy. He was funky. The New Moon is funky. Sun is funky. Lunar is funky. KC is funky. Eclipse is funky. Ruin is funky. Bloodmoon is funky. New Bloodmoon (I call that one Harvest(moon), and yes, I differentiate between them, cuz they be different. sue me) is funky. Earth is funky. Solar is funky. Solar Flare is funky. Everyone is funky. And I love them all.)

#sun and moon show #tsams #the sun and moon show #sams #sams moon #tsams moon #MemoryTimeswithSunray #MemoryMonday #sorry I fell off the memory cliff #it'll happen again <3 #btw that “Everyone is funky.” part doesn't include the Creator #screw him #moon beloved #“MemoryMoonday” lol #this is just what i can remember off the top of my head

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sinner-sunflower · 1 month

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A HH Lucifer-centric AU 16/?

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22

Hotel reaction 2 electric boogaloo

still deciding whether i'll post tomorrow

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4 hours later, despite the arrival of Lucifer and the mystery woman, there is barely no progress. Charlie and the others were so hopeful the first few times because it did look like the extra power was doing something. But every time they make a dent, it bites back even worse.

They flinch as another Goetia fell, prompting the Prince of Lust to call for a retreat from her dad.

Lucifer: No! We can't afford to lose a Ring.

Cherri: They are clearly exhausted.

Angel: Yeah. One day won't be tha bad, right toots?

Charlie: Umm, I don't think so. Hell's rings are a complicated. They aren't just places, it's a system. Losing one will inevitably cause the others to fall apart.

Husk: I guess his majesty doesn't want us backed to a corner. If they let Sloth be consumed then who knows how bigger the problem would get.

Vaggie: He's right. The best solution is dealing with it at the literal root. They can theoretically recoup but by the looks of things, Sloth has little to no time left.

Husk: Mhhm. The constant ritual might be the only thing keeping it alive. The ring is basically on life support.

Lucifer: Goodie! Goodie: I cannot give more of something I do not have, angel. I warned you that my support alone will most likely not stop this. Lucifer: We should at least be denting it!

They quickly covered their ears as the TV let out a sound so ear-piercing that it feels like their head is splitting in half.

Angel: What the fuck???

Looking up despite the pain, they see that giant roots sprout from the ground. It went up and up until it reached Lucifer's pentagram in the sky.

Husk: Is that a fuckin' tree?

Charlie is transfixed on the image. She has lived in Hell all her life but this is the first time she had felt dread from something that came from her home.

'This is not of Hell.' She thought. It makes her sick. But her stupor was cut short as a new voice cuts through the footage.

Leviathan: Luci! Your marks!

Charlie looks in equal horror as her Uncle Leviathan when she saw the state her dad was in. The marks on his body have now almost consumed his whole face. She lets out a sob as Lucifer held up the mirror Alastor provided to inspect his condition.

No one spoke as he does this. Then after a moment, Charlie saw something in her dad's eyes.

Lucifer: Goodie. What do I need to do?

Charlie was about to say her confusion out loud when the lady, Goodie, blew a piece of paper onto the King's skin.

Goodie: This might be the only way to stop my sister. That is an ancient seal from before the Nothing- strong enough to render God and beings like Roo weak. Satan: Huh?! Then why didn't you just let us use that from the start??

Cherri: Yeah! The shit??

Husk: I don't like this.

Charlie shares the same sentiment. Whatever is happening, she has a bad feeling.

Goodie: Because there is a condition. Lucifer: And what's that? Goodie: It must be performed from the inside. It needs to be as close as possible to the one you are sealing. The hold will be stronger with proximity. And with you being the highest power here... Belphegor: Then that means-!

Nononononono, please don't. Please don't let it be what I think it is. Please don't do it. Please dad. I love you. I miss you. Please don't leave me PLEASE-

Lucifer: I need to be the one to go in there.

Protests from the hotel residents and demons on the broadcast overlap with each other. Charlie's ears are ringing. Her chest is tight and it's getting harder and harder to breathe. She can feel someone's hand around her, probably attempting to ground her. Yup, definitely a coming panic attack.

Lucifer: Are you sure this will stop her?

She can vaguely hear someone, probably Vaggie, say something to her but it's all muffled. Charlie could only focus her hearing on the scene in the TV.

Dark spots are filling her vision and her breaths are erratic as her beating heart.

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEDADPLEASENOTYOUDONTLEAVEMETOODADPLEASE

Goodie: You are the key, angel. It must be you.

Charlie's world turns to black as she collapses in the arms of her lover. And if her dad looked directly at the camera in hopes of meeting her gaze, well, she'll never know.

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mcufan72 · 2 months

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Sugar and Cinnamon

Loki x female reader (AU) / 18+

Chapter 5

Chapter 4

Warnings: nothing special, always contains more or less fluff, angst, sex, smut, smoking, and alcohol drinking. I won't put specific warnings so far. It's 18+. Hopefully, it's not a boring chapter.

When you arrived home, you tossed your bag on the floor of your bedroom and headed for the bathroom to get ready for bed. You were exhausted and just wanted to sleep now.

‘Do you believe in love, Sugar?’

Your thoughts revolved around Luke's question.

‘Love, love…love is for kids and dogs…’

You did believe in love until you didn't anymore. You had wasted years of loving someone who never felt the same for you. How blind you had been. But as your mother always told you, everything in life happens for a reason… you just couldn't see it yet and life could be cruel.

You got into bed and thought about the sex with Luke. He told you that he's not a tender lover. Why did he say that? He had been so tender with you, that you could hardly restrain yourself to not give in to him. You genuinely regretted having faked your orgasm. He deserved more and better. You still didn't know how he recognised it. Was he a man who truly cared about you and your feelings, about what you might like and need to have a satisfying sexual experience? You were sure, you'd like to try other things with him too. There were some things you didn't like but it seemed possible to try them with him. And you were sure he wouldn't say no. He gave you that vibe. You've never been blindfolded before but you liked it.

“I deserve to enjoy life…and sex,” you said to yourself. Maybe Luke was still willing to show you pleasure and you might offer him a further night in case he's going to book you as his escort again. You didn't know why but you trusted him right from the beginning and he didn't disappoint you. He stood true to his word. But you should be careful with trusting someone too soon. You should know better. Nonetheless, you felt ashamed. You've just been scared to fall for Luke, scared of the feelings that came up inside of you when you were together with him, feelings of shameless lust and complete devotion. But you weren't able to give it to him, a man who wasn't yours. You were just his escort…just his whore… and his alone. Nothing could change this.

While thinking of him, you felt his breath on your body again. Shivers ran down your spine when you thought about his warm, tender hands on your body, him going down on you, licking that spot where you craved him most. Jesus, what could've happened if you had allowed him to have that full game of foreplay with you and while you were questioning yourself about it, you had your fingers between your spread legs and rubbed and circled yourself gently and firmly to completion… and you moaned his name when the waves of a badly needed orgasm were washing over and through your trembling body.

When the orgasmic high ebbed away you came back to reality. You would likely never see him again but you would never forget how gentle he had been with you and with how much respect he had treated you. If there was one thing you had learned tonight, it was the realization that you would never be able to spend a night with another man but him. You weren't made for it. You could only ever give yourself to a man you liked and trusted as much as you liked and trusted him, and only ever just to this one man, not ten or twenty. Escorting men and spending some hours with them at events or just a dinner in a restaurant was okay but nothing more than that. It would change your considerations about how to boost your financial situation and you would have to think about another solution to solve your problem. You turned to your side, pulled your sleeping mask over your eyes and fell asleep.

When you woke up, the first thing you did was take a shower again, then you pressed the button on your coffee machine for a latte macchiato and emptied the items of your small travel bag onto your bed. You grabbed the biscuits you couldn't find in your bag the night before and ate one. Still munching on your biscuit, you sorted the rest of your stuff so you could clean or wash them and filled the bag with fresh lingerie and spare clothes to bring to REA later. Maybe you would need the bag again in case Luke was going to book you for a further event but you didn't believe that this would happen. When you grabbed the worn kimono to put it into the laundry basket, a blue-green scarf fell to the floor. You picked it up from the carpet and stared at it. You must've grabbed it from the hotel suite’s floor when you packed your bag after Luke had left the suite. And then you remembered the scarf wasn't wrapped around his neck when he left. The scarf felt so soft in your hands and you buried your nose into the silken fabric. Memories of how he blindfolded you with it came back into your mind. It still smelled of his cologne and him, somehow familiar and safe. You had a closer look at it and you found two swung golden letters, embroidered onto the one end of the scarf: L L

...for Luke Larsson. That was rare nowadays and maybe a bit old-fashioned but you loved it. A further proof of his class and elegance. You had to give it back to him or you had to ask Rhea to do it for you but for now, you'd put it into the drawer of your dresser. You took a last sniff, folded it neatly, and put it into the drawer. Shortly afterwards you got dressed and ready to visit your mum like every Sunday. You would spend the afternoon with her and after lunch, you'd go with her for a walk in the nursery home's Park. You'd push her in her wheelchair to her favourite places and you'd eat some cinnamon rolls you would buy on the way before you'd drive to her.

You both missed the times when you baked them every Sunday and enjoyed them fresh from the oven. Freshly baked, they tasted best. But after her stroke, which left her paralyzed on one side some years ago, it wasn't possible anymore but the bought ones were also tasty and you could keep the tradition of eating some together on Sunday afternoons. The worst thing was to keep on pretending that everything in your life was fine. You hated lying to her but the truth would kill her and so you had no other choice.

In the evening you met another gentleman at Vivian's Velvet. Or you should better say you intended to meet him. But the appointment got cancelled and so did three more appointments this week except one with a gentleman called Mr Lang. Scott was such a funny guy, you laughed a lot and he showed you some magic tricks and you had no idea how he did those amazing things. He just wanted to spend time with you even though you considered offering him to sleep with you but you couldn't. Luke was always on your mind and still the only one imaginable. Scott drank a lot so you would get additional money for the drinks he consumed. That wasn't as much as you would've gotten for pleasuring him in bed but better than nothing. When he said goodbye, he asked you for a kiss. He was really charming and all but you stayed with your rule, so you refused. You'd just kiss a man you were in love with. He took it easy and you thanked him for this funny evening. He's distracted you from your real big problems and you were grateful for it.

********************

After Loki had waited a couple of weeks for it, he finally got the invitation to the annual gala dinner hosted by a certain Mr. Smith. Everyone important working for international and intergalactic security got invited, ambassadors, negotiators, spokespersons and other important people with their companions. He already knew that this event would happen and that he was invited but he needed the written confirmation. The event would take place this Saturday and Loki had waited eagerly for it because he needed a reason to book you again. He was insecure about how to act after your intimate encounter, he also had no events to appear and he somehow didn't dare ask you for just an evening at Vivian's Velvet or a restaurant. And in general, he should stay away from you. He already had more feelings for you than he should have and he knew you weren't interested in him as an exclusive lover or a boyfriend. You made yourself very clear about that.

He made several phone calls because some arrangements needed to be made before he could call Rhea.

“Thank you, Rhea. I have something for Miss Black. Could you please make sure she gets my gift?”

“Sure, Mr.Larsson but I don't know if Miss Black will accept your present.” Rhea gave to consider.

“Please let her know this gift is connected to our next date. Could you please do this for me?”

“Of course, Mr.Larsson. Will you bring it here yourself or…”

“No, I ordered a delivery service and it should arrive tomorrow morning at the latest.”

“Okay, Mr.Larsson. I'll give Miss Black a call so she can collect it from here. Have a nice day, Mr Larsson and thank you for booking Miss Black again.”

“You're welcome, Rhea. Miss Black is lovely and the most amazing woman. She's the finest woman I've seen in ages.” Loki said enthusiastically.

“Oh, Mr. Larsson, that's very kind of you, and you're so generous. You should tell her, she deserves to know that,” Rhea told him enraptured.

“I'll do, Rhea, promised. Have a nice day and thanks again.” Loki ended the call and hopefully, you would go with him to the event and accept the present he bought for you.

*********************

You were preparing your dinner when you got a message from Rhea. You opened it on your phone and she asked you to come to the agency's office tomorrow around noon. You sent her a short confirmation and continued cooking. What could she want? Tell you that more appointments got cancelled? You had no idea why it happened frequently in the last few days but it seemed a lot of men had the flu these days. Hopefully, it hadn't to do with you as a person that the men cancelled the dates. You were sad you hadn't heard from Luke. It seemed you had been right. He had had you in the sheets and now he wasn't interested in you and your company anymore.

You missed him and his ridiculously pretty face, his stupid soft curls and the way he used to look at you, the warmth he radiated when he was around you and the attention he gave you. You growled quietly and scolded yourself for always thinking of him. He shouldn't be always on your mind. Where was the professional distance you wanted to keep? Before you went to bed you took the only piece out of the drawer you had of him. You craved his presence. A longing between your thighs made you finger yourself again, your nose buried deeply into the softness of his scarf, inhaling his scent and in the morning light when you woke up, you still held his scarf in your hand.

Around noon you arrived at your agency, nervous for what Rhea wanted to tell you.

“Glad to see you again, dear. How's it going”

“I'm doing good, how about you?”you asked Rhea.

“I'm fine, thank you, honey. Take a seat.“

“Thanks. I'm sure I'm not here because you have nothing else to do or to just have a chit-chat with me…” and you passed her your small travel bag to store it for you and sat down on the chair.

“I'd love to have some chit-chatting with you but no, I need to tell you that I just got a cancellation for your appointment tonight…” Rhea said, busily tapping on the keyboard of her laptop.

“Really? Is there anything I can do better? I'm slowly getting nervous about it, it's always my appointments,” you complained.

“Don't worry, dear, it's not your fault, you still got payment for tonight and I think it's just the flu going around and some men called me after making an appointment to tell me what type of hair colour they prefer and it just didn't match yours. That's definitely not your fault, darling. You could continue studying tonight or just take a relaxing bath. Enjoy some spare time, you work a lot.”

“Yeah, maybe you're right, I should do that.”

“That's what I wanted to hear, honey. Buuut …there's something else…” Rhea sounded enthusiastic.

“Don't make it so exciting, please”

“You made a really big deal, you have an appointment for a gala dinner with a reception with champagne, hosted by one of the most important diplomats, Mr.Smith. I once saw an interview with him. He's an attractive, charming man I can tell you,” Rhea gushed.

“Is there a little shade of pink on your cheeks, Rhea?” you mocked her jokingly.

“What?... Of course, not…ahmm yeah, right…ahm back to the topic…the reception and the gala dinner. It'll happen tomorrow evening at 7.30, Walker will pick you up at 6.30 and drive you to the location,” and she grinned from ear to ear.

“What's your big smile about and why will I meet the client directly? I'm used to meeting a client at Vivian's Velvet first?” you asked her curiously.

“There's no need for that, dear. Any idea who your date is, hm?” she asked knowingly.

“Nooo, you tell me, please,” and you got an answer you hadn't expected anymore.

“It's Mr.Larsson, dear,” she said and gave you a bright smile.

“What? I thought he would never book me again. We haven't heard anything from him for one week but wow, that's awesome. I'm glad, I think it's a privilege to go there with him.” You were genuinely glad and utterly relieved. He still wanted to spend time with you. That was more than you deserved after the last time you saw him.

“That's fantastic and of course, I'll escort him, I'm looking forward to it. Please send him my confirmation.”

“With pleasure, honey…and wait…he left something for you…,” and Rhea picked something up from the floor under her desk.

“He was here?” You asked and you remembered the scarf you had forgotten at home. But now you could give it back to him personally.

“No, he wasn't, a delivery service brought it this morning,” and she handed you a longish black box, tied with a glossy satin ribbon and a sumptuous satin-finish bow decorating the centre of the box.

“Wow…that looks gorgeous and expensive. I'm not sure if I can accept such a gift,” you stated doubtfully.

“Do you know what's in it?” you asked Rhea.

“No, I don't but whatever it is, Mr.Larsson seems to like you quite a lot. He only told me that it's related to your date with him.” Rhea wiggled her eyebrows.

“Nahh, I'm sure it's just something he wants me to wear for the gala dinner, something to his liking. Maybe he thinks I've nothing in my closet for an event like this. And if it's a dress I doubt it has the right size. Or it's some kinky stuff perhaps?” you joked and you both chuckled.

“Maybe… May I ask how the intimacy with him was? I don't want to hear any details, I just want to know if he has been nice to you,” Rhea asked concernedly.

“He was wonderful but I'm sure I made a beginner's mistake. I tried to stay detached and separate myself from it, I tried to perform, you know. But I failed and he noticed. My performance was just …awful and I thought it cost me his attention and bookings. And to be honest, Rhea I don't think I can do this with any other man,” you told her sadly.

“It's never easy, dear and you don't have to do it at all. It's completely your decision and I totally get it that you just want him. He's so beautiful and charming, someone who radiates strength and responsibility. It wouldn't be a surprise for me if he captures your heart. And about the gift…he insisted that you accept it. Whatever it is in that box, darling, please, send me a photo, okay? I need to know what's in this gorgeous-looking box,” Rhea seemed more excited than you but it made her even more likeable.

“Of course, Rhea. Will do. But I won't fall for him, okay? It would violate my rules.”

“Everything is only your decision, dear and yours alone. Just don't miss a chance to meet someone who could be more to you. It happens that an escort lady falls in love with her client and he falls in love with his escort lady. If it's mutual then there's nothing wrong or bad about it. Why not give in to that feeling? Don't be too hard on yourself,” Rhea said.

“It's not that easy for me and I might better stay alone. Okay, then…is there anything else that you want to talk about with me?” You asked her.

“No, darling that's all for today. Thanks again for coming,” Rhea answered kindly and you got up from the chair you were sitting on.

“No worries. Can't wait to unpack the box. Bye Rhea, and thank you for always listening to me.” You said kindly.

“Bye, darling and take care. Enjoy the gala dinner,” and Rhea waved at you and stored your bag next to her chair while you were already heading for the door with the box under your arm.

“Will do!” You waved back, left the office and headed back home.

Later in your apartment, you placed the box on the kitchen counter. You opened the fridge and poured some water into a glass. While staring at the elegant package you took several sips of water, briefly noticing how thirsty you had been. Why would Luke give you a gift? Should you leave the box unopened? But it would be impolite to ignore his gift. You still could give it back to him in case you didn't like the content of the box. What was his intention? He had an intention, right? Of course, he had. Smart bastard. You grinned at the thought of him. You liked him, more than you should, this untouchable, sometimes grumpy guy but he treated you with respect and decency and the way he tried to show others that you ‘belonged’ to him as long as you were his companion at an event made you feel safe and protected, and it made you feel valued.

You still had big problems to solve but when you were together with him, he eased your mind and you could breathe again. Somehow it seemed he could be your way out of your fucked up situation. You enjoyed every minute of being together with him. But you couldn't allow yourself to fall for him. Nonetheless, you've missed him and you couldn't wait for tomorrow evening to see him again. In light of that, you had a free afternoon and evening tonight, and you considered meeting your best friend Gabby later. You haven't seen her for weeks and you have a lot to tell her. You risked a little peek into the box and closed it rapidly.

"Oh.My.Goodness,” you murmured unbelievingly. You opened the box again, completely this time and you couldn't believe what you were seeing there. Against a bed of black tissue paper, a dark-green silk dress nestled in there. You ran a hand over the green silk and a smile curved your lips.

“Incredible” you whispered. You had worn several pricey and elegant dresses but none of them compared to this one. The urge to try it and wrap your body in it overtook you.

You sucked in a sharp breath when you stood in front of your mirror because the dress fitted perfectly. The deep V-neck emphasized your cleavage and transformed your breasts into something luscious, the colour gave your skin an ethereal glow. The skirt was floor length and had a tempting slit up one side and the elegantly crossed spaghetti straps turned your back into a real eye-catcher. Every silken inch of the gorgeous evening gown clung to your body as if it were tailored for you. It shimmered brightly every time you moved. It seemed he remembered every curve and every detail of your body and he saw you naked just once. But it seemed to be enough for him to find this perfect gown for you.

You never wanted to be a dressed-up doll again for a man, never again wearing something just for a man’s liking. But you saw clearly that it mattered who gave a dress like this to you. It was chosen with so much care and love. Luke's choice was perfect, he knew exactly what you would like to wear. He was perfect, honestly too perfect to be real. You took this dream of a dress off again and when you wanted to put it back into the box you saw an envelope lying in the box, a handwritten letter in it.

My lovely

Sugar,

When you read this letter, you have already seen the evening gown I would love to give to you. I hope fervently, that you like it and that it fits you well. I'm sure you look stunning in it and I would feel honoured if you would wear it for the gala dinner. But it's completely your decision if you want to wear it or not. I'm just glad to meet you again. You can definitely keep it, it's made just for you.

Please don't be mad at me that I haven't booked you for days but I've been busy. Maybe against your expectations, I still would love to have you as my companion at events.

I know our professional relationship is not about emotions or any private things but I hope you still want to see and escort me.

I missed you and your company and I also haven't forgotten our shared night. Thank you for allowing me to have you and for the nice words you said to me before I left. I'm still convinced that I'm not a tender lover but your words mean a lot to me.

I'm excited to see you again for the gala dinner on Saturday, at least I'm hoping for it and I hope we'll have a wonderful time there. Take care, sweet thing!

Devotedly yours,

Luke

Your mouth stood open, your eyebrows raised. Why did this feel like a love letter? He owed you nothing, at least an explanation why he hadn't booked and met you. Of course, you would definitely wear this dress for the gala dinner. You couldn't wait to see him again and tell him how much you liked the dress he had chosen for you and how much you appreciated his gift. Now you definitely needed to see Gabby and you send her a message if she would like to meet you in Central Park later this afternoon.

“Heeyyyy, it has been ages, y/n… How's it going? Gabby greeted you, a box of donuts in her hand. Gabby has been your best friend since you moved to New York five years ago. You met her at a grocery store and since then you have been best friends. You two just matched perfectly. She was the only person who knew that you had lost your job and what you were now doing for a living.

“I'm doing good, how about you?” you asked her and you hugged each other. You took a short walk through the park and Gabby gave you an update on her life and her family. You found a vacant bench and took a seat, the box with donuts placed between you.

“Spill the beans, dear…did you meet any hot guys and escort them to fancy events?” she asked you curiously, taking a donut out of the box and biting into it.

“I met a lot of guys in the past months,” you answered and took a donut out of the box, too.

“And? Any husband material among them?” She wanted to know and took another bite of the pastry.

“You know I'm not looking for a husband, I don't need that.”

“C'mon, dear…don't tell me you didn't meet at least one hot lad,” she said, grinning at you. “Uhhh…you're blushing, baby” she teased you.

“I'm not blushing…” you stated vehemently, feeling the heat in your face. How embarrassing.

“Tell me everything about him, I want every detail.” Gabby shifted curiously back and forth on the bench.

“There's not much to tell…”

“I don't believe you…There's something in your eyes, come on, tell me about him,” Gabby insisted.

“He's tall, lean, with broad shoulders and a slender waist, endless long legs, every muscle of his body perfectly defined, his big hands know how to hold you, his beautiful blue eyes are staring into my soul like no one's eyes did before and his long black curls are an invitation to bury your nose and your fingers in it…and he always smells so good. But most importantly he's nice, eloquent and smart and he knows how to treat you like a lady, even if you're far away from being one.”

“Summarized, the guy is hot,” Gabby said, biting lustfully into her donut.

“And? Could he become your new boyfriend?” she mumbled.

“You know my rules, Gab, never fall in love with a client,” you answered, upset.

“Sure… you already failed, you have the heart-eyes, dearie” she teased you.

“That's not the only failure,” you murmured sadly.

“What do you mean?” Gabby questioned concernedly.

“I slept with him,” you continued, staring to the ground.

“What? Generally, it's not a failure but you just wanted to escort men to events or parties but you never wanted to have sex with them,” Gabby sounded genuinely concerned. “Why did you change your mind?”

“Because of my financial situation, my rent and the rent for mum's nursing home increased…and… I'm living really large.“

“Bullshit, we both know that's not true… was he nice to you, some men are… rampant when it's not their own girl they have sex with …”

“He was lovely and careful, he treated me with respect like he always does,” you answered silently.

“It wasn't easy to do it, was it?”

“With him it was, I feel kinda safe with him…otherwise, I couldn't have done it,” you explained.

“Sooo, you could enjoy it? Did you have lots of fun with him? Was he good with his…You know you deserve to have some fun, girl…bad enough you had to do it because you need more money.”

“Gabby, it's not about having fun. I don't want… not…with him…he's…he's…,” you stuttered and interrupted her harshly before she interrupted you again.

“...the sexiest guy? The hottest shit in town? The best you’ll ever get?” she questioned wonderingly.

“Don't make it just sexual. He's more than that…I'm… sure. If I just want to have sex I could have it with every man I escort,” you answered, trying to sound convinced.

“And, do you?” she wanted to know.

“Do what?”

“Having sex with the hottest or wealthiest men in town, you escort to events or to who knows what and had fun in bed with them?”

“No!” you answered harshly.

“Okay, so you don't want to have sex? Nasty, toe-curling sex?”

“No, I don't want to have… yes, I want it, but I want it just with him since…since…”You stuttered again.

“Since you got laid by him and since he did it right? The way you need it and deserve it? There's nothing wrong about it, get your cake and eat it. So why do you think it was a failure?” when Gabby talked about it, everything sounded so easy.

“I faked it,” you said sheepishly.

“Faked what?”

“My climax, I faked my climax.” You told her meekly.

“Are you serious? Why?” she asked unbelievingly.

“I wanted it to be done, it felt too good and I was afraid to give in to my emotions and enjoy the intimacy with him.”

“Why would you want it to end quickly when it felt so good? I don't get it.” Gabby smiled at you.

“I don't know, I'm just used to quickies, a man done within five minutes, not caring about what I want, not listening to me what I need…”

“But he hadn't finished within five minutes,” Gabby confirmed.

“No, he took his time with me”

“And you didn't want that?” Gabby asked unbelievingly.

“No…Yes…Damn Gab, I'm afraid to fall in love with him. And I'm sure he'd never want to be with someone like me, so my feelings for him would be futile,” you said whiney.

“You're afraid of loving him because he makes you feel good? Girl, you deserve to enjoy life and sex. Bad enough you have to make your money as an escort. Damn y/n let him fuck you into oblivion. Go and get your man! Fuck him, love him, marry him, have babies with him and leave that fucking agency.” she told you vehemently.

“If only I could, but I can't.” You retorted dejectedly.

“Of course, you can. You had a damn well-paid, serious job before. Why don't you work for another marketing agency? Do you just hesitate because of that damn bloody asshole you wasted the last five years on?”

“It wasn't like that right from the beginning…and it's not that easy...”

“Don't make me angry, dearest, I don't want to talk about that prick ever again. He's gone and he shouldn't affect your life anymore. Finish studying, look for another job quickly and grab Mr. Hotshot.” Gabby said, trying to encourage you.

“It's not that easy, studying is expensive, I have to pay my bills…”

“What are you not telling me, sweetheart? Hey, it's me, your old friend Gabby…I'm all ears, always,” she offered you.

You didn't know what to answer her but you couldn't tell her about every issue that plagued you and you just looked sadly at her.

Gabby didn't insist further on an answer, she knew sooner or later you would tell her everything about your problems and to pressure you wouldn't be successful.

“Is he the only one of your clients you have sex with?” Gabby wanted to know.

“Yes, he was the first and he'll be the only one. He's the only one imaginable for me,” you answered her genuinely.

“Does he know?”

“No, I try to stay a mystery, I don't want him to like me too much or to care too much about me,” you said calmly.

“And you're sure this is going to work?” Gabby raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

“We both keep it as a professional relationship,” you shrugged your shoulders.

“Of course, you do. Does he have extra females? Or just you and you only?” curiosity in her voice.

“I don't know. He's not obliged to tell me.”

“No sneaky stuff with other women? Girl, he wants to love you. He could have any woman but he wants you, he pays to see you. Will you see him again? Will you try to meet him again?”

“He has already booked me again, yes. For a fancy gala dinner and…he gifted me a dream of a silk evening gown,” and you showed her a photo of you, dressed in it, standing in front of your mirror.

“Gosh, girl you look amazing in that dress… and you want to tell me he just wants you as his escort? That evening gown is perfect. He did that on purpose and if you ask me, he has already left the ‘professional relationship area’. He wants to parade you around like: hey everyone, look at my stunning girl and she's mine, no one dares touch her and I'll protect her at any cost … I'd love to know what he looks like. I'm sure you're a gorgeous couple…”

“Forget it, I won't show you a photo of him. I protect my clients’ privacy. And I'm sure it's not his intention to parade me around. He just wanted to make sure that I'm properly dressed for said event.”

“If you say so,” and a knowing smile showed upon her face.

“Are you going to have sex with him again?”

“If he's open to it. I'd like to erase my mistake and maybe we can both have satisfying sex.”

“Hey, do it, enjoy it, there's nothing wrong with it,” Gabby assured you.

“But I let him pay for it. I need the money but to let him pay doesn't feel right somehow,” you complained.

“That's true but that's the deal. An escort lady gets paid. Fact is, if he is such a good-looking guy with a decent character he could have any woman, I suppose but he wants to be with you and is willing to pay for your service, whatever your services include. Give him and yourself a chance. But promise me to be always careful, you'll never know what's going on in a man’s head,” she said concernedly.

“I promise to take care of me and Walker looks after me when I'm on a date, intimate or not,” you tried to soothe her concern.

“Yeah, that's good. I'm glad he's there for you.”

“Yeah, I'm glad to have him. He makes me feel safe when I'm on a date,” you said, well aware that he was not the only one who gave you that feeling.

******************

Loki sat on a bench in Central Park on this sunny afternoon and read a few pages of his book. He recently got confirmation from Rhea, that you will escort him to the gala dinner tomorrow. He was excited to meet you. Would you wear the dress? It would be marvellous. The park was crowded with people jogging, parents playing with their kids and students sitting on the lawn and having lively discussions. People walked by his bench, talking, and laughing and some of them just silently walked side by side. Loki minded his own business and kept reading. When two women walked along the way, one of them telling funny stories about her kids, he looked up from his book for a brief moment, when they had already passed his bench and he just saw the backs of the casually dressed ladies.

The only thing that caught his attention were the trainers of the woman who listened to the other woman, who was talking. He liked the shoes’ colour, dark green, his favourite colour. He frowned and continued reading. He was sure he had seen trainers like these before. It seems, that green trainers are the trend this year.

🌹🥂🌃🌹🥃🌃🌹🥂❤️🌃🌹🥃🌃🌹🥂🌃

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#loki x female reader #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #loki x reader fic #loki laufeyson #loki x female reader angst #loki x female reader fluff #loki x female reader smut #loki x fem!reader #loki x female reader au

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eminems-skittles · 2 years

Text

beware

--------------------------- pairings: ex!hangman x ex!reader; rooster x reader warnings: cheating, breakups, swearing, vague allusions to sex, angst, heartbreak, it hurts, mentions of wanting kids word count: 2.3k your call sign: hotshot inspired by: beware by big sean a/n: requests are open until tomorrow :) also thank you to @yelenasdog for being my guinea pig on the writing ---------------------------

when he ended things, jake seresin never thought that he would see you again. he was well aware of the cruel way he shattered your heart. he held seemingly no regard for your feelings as he plowed through your life like a bull in a china shop.

he had scared himself. you scared him. he had never been committed to someone before you. the voices of everyone around him claiming he couldn't commit did not help either. they got in his head, convincing him that he was going to screw you over no matter what. he loved you. at least he acted like he did. at least you thought he did. hell, he proposed to you. was it all a lie? he didn't know. you didn't know. how could you know with the way he ended things?

two years earlier

he knew you were going to be home early. you had texted him this morning that training was going to end earlier than you expected and that you couldn't wait to see him. he knew.

that didn't stop him from inviting over some girl. a girl he didn't know. you caught them in your bed. your day moved in slow motion. you were so excited to see jake, to surprise him with the vacation you had been working on planning. today was the today you finally got approval for the both of you to have time off. you were not prepared for what you would find when you opened up your bedroom door. how could you even prepare yourself for the sight of your fiance, the man you had loved with your entire being, on top of some girl you had never seen before.

like the glass mug that had been in your hand, your heart shattered on the floor right then and there. all you could do was whisper "jake?" as tears filled your eyes. he froze. his head whipped around to look at you before pushing himself off of the girl. you had ran out of the room, trying to find your suitcase as fast as you possibly could. he wrapped a sheet around himself before chasing you around the apartment.

"y/n it's not what it looks like-" he starts to plead.

"really? because to me it looks like you were fucking some woman in our bed, jake," you spoke, an eerie calm tone in your voice. you looked over his body. "go put some clothes on and get this woman out of our apartment. then we will talk."

jake nodded and scrambled back to the bedroom. you watched as the girl scurried out of your apartment, an embarrassed look on her face as she stopped to tell you that she really didn't know he was engaged. you didn't say anything, your lips pressed in a thin line. after she left, you sat on the couch waiting for jake. tears rolled down your cheeks when you thought of what you had just witnessed.

finally, jake emerged from the bedroom. he stood in the door, assessing the situation. he didn't rush to comfort you. he just stood, wordlessly, almost hidden in the shadows of the hallway. he froze when your eyes landed on him. he had never seen such rage, especially not from you.

"why? why did you do this jake?" you whispered. "was i not enough?"

he crossed the room, still managing to keep his distance. "this wasn't your fault. i just...i can't commit, y/n. you hear what everyone says. i don't have it in me," he failed to try to convince you to see his side.

"are you really blaming other people? you cheated on me because other people said that you couldn't commit? are you fucking serious?" your voice raised in volume. "i'm leaving."

"y/n, we can work on this!" jake pleaded. he still hadn't tried to comfort you. he still kept his distance. tears were in his eyes but they didn't fall.

"can we, jake? you were worried you couldn't commit, so your solution was to bring a stranger into our house, into our bed. i can't even believe you right now. i can't even look at you," you spit. it was becoming increasingly hard for you to speech, your sobs getting caught in your throat.

"you don't understand, y/n. it was all i heard. i thought i was destined to fuck up this relationship-"

"so you thought why not take preemptive measures, right? ruin the relationship before we get married, is that it? take responsibility for your own actions, seresin." the use of his last name stung him.

"y/n, please-"

"no, jake. we are done. i can't be in a relationship with you if this is your solution to things. i'm going to go to natasha's. don't call me or text me or show up. stay away from me," you sobbed. he didn't say anything, silence overtaking the room as he watched you throw your stuff into suitcases. when you were packed you stood across from him. "i'll have payback, bob and rooster swing by and get the rest of my stuff."

"okay," he mumbled. "are you sure this is what you want?"

"are you sure this is what you want?" you fired back. "if we ever want this to work in the future, you need to reassess what you want."

with that, you left, the glimmer of the engagement ring still sitting on your left ring finger catching his eye. the next day, you were gone. phoenix told him that you requested to transfer to a different base but wouldn't tell him where you went. he was faced with scowls from his friends. when payback, bob, and rooster came to collect your things, they barely said a word to him, shooting him disappointed looks every chance they got.

present day

jake didn't hear from you or see you in the two years that passed. his friends never brought you up, something he knew you asked them to do as you were still very much their friend. as far as he knew, you had dropped off the face of the earth. well that would be true if he didn't hear about every single accomplishment of yours. in the past two years, you had built quite a reputation for being the best of the best pilots. every time he heard about you, a secret pride would dwell in his chest before he remembered that he wasn't allowed to feel that way about you now.

it was no surprise that you would be one of the pilots called back to top gun. just as it was no surprise that he was also called back. you two were the best of the best, after all. he just didn't expect to see you arrive with rooster. his heart broke at the sight of you under his 'rival''s arm and wearing one of rooster's signature hawaiian shirts. he wanted to throw up.

"this is how i find out your both stateside?" phoenix asked, pulling you into a hug. you laughed as you hugged her back. god he missed your laugh. instinctually, his eyes drifted down to your ring finger. he didn't know what he was expecting but finding another ring in his ring's place was not it. when you separated from phoenix, the glimmer of the light bouncing off of the ring caught her eye. "so first you don't even call to tell me your back and now this is how i have to find out your engaged?"

phoenix's question caught hangman off guard. engaged? you were engaged to rooster? he didn't even know the two of you were together, or that you were even dating anybody. but why would he? his friends-your friends made sure that they never spoke about you around him.

your eyes wordlessly glanced at hangman, looking back at phoenix as soon as you realized he was already looking at you. rooster's arm went around your waist when he felt you tense up. he knew going back here was going to be hard for you. he held you tight against him, smiling down at you.

"well, we know how much you like surprises," rooster laughed. phoenix bent down to shoot her ball with the pool cue, jabbing it into rooster's stomach.

"so tell me everything," phoenix said after her turn was over. rooster hung close by. jake hated that. he hated that he hovered with his hands around your waist and head on his shoulder. he hated it because that should be him.

he turned to coyote, asking "did you know they were together?"

"yeah, but she swore us all to secrecy," he replied. "and you know what they say."

"what?"

"beware of a woman with a broken heart. she's scary, man. no way i was breaking her trust," coyote laughed. hangman shot him a tight lipped smile before turning his attention back to you and rooster.

"do you wanna tell her, roo? or should i?" you asked, laughing as rooster kissed your neck repeatedly.

"you can tell her, baby," rooster whispered against your neck.

"we had some time off, so he took me to this little beach town that i used to go to as a kid," jake knew the town. he had almost proposed there. "we were talking about how it would be nice to some day buy a house there and take our kids for summer break."

kids? you were already thinking about kids with rooster? the thought crushed jake.

"and then i looked at her, and i knew i wanted it all with her. the kids, the house, the growing old," rooster added. jake could see the satisfied smile on her face. he knew that smile very well and he could still feel how it felt to have it directed at him.

he knew in that moment, even though it hurt him, rooster was better for you than he could ever be. sure he had thought of the future with you but it scared him to even consider what having a family would look like. he knew that was one of your priorities. he knew then that he could never give you the life you wanted, the life you deserved. if rooster could, then he could get on board with the idea. not like he had much of a say in anything, since he was no longer a part of your life. but it did make him feel just the slightest bit better to know that you were with someone who wasn't terrified of the future or of commitment.

"he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, dropping down to one knee, and asked me right then and there if i would marry him. he didn't even have the ring yet," you sighed happily.

phoenix congratulated you, making you promise that she would be the maid of honor. rooster laughed, kissing your forehead before going off to mingle. you decided it was time to get something to drink. you went over to get your usual order, greeting penny when you saw her.

"still engaged?" she asked, an eyebrow quirking as she spotted the ring.

"well...i'm engaged but to bradley," you mumbled.

"right. i thought i heard something about you and jake splitting up," penny added as she slid the drink across the bar. "i'm happy for you, sweetheart. he treats you well, right?"

"yes, of course," you confirmed.

"how did you two get together?" she inquired, leaning on the bar to listen to you over the chatter of the busy bar.

"he was there for me after jake and i split up. just always making sure i was okay. and you know, we were a thing in college. and i don't know we just fell back into a rhythm of being with each other everyday. it just felt...right," you explained to her, sipping your drink as you spoke.

penny told you that she was happy for you before something behind you caught her eye. she quietly warned "jake is coming over" before making herself busy elsewhere.

"hangman," you greeted, when he slid into the spot next to you.

"hey hotshot," hangman smiled. "congrats to you and bradshaw."

"thanks," you said sheepishly. "i have something for you."

"a present? you shouldn't have," he almost joked but his words died in his throat when you slid the ring he had given you across the bar.

"this belongs to you," was all you said. "give it to the next girl. just don't screw her over and make sure you actually want the commitment."

jake nodded solemnly. he followed your gaze over to where rooster was playing pool. "does he treat you right?"

"the best," you smiled.

"i'm sorry that i couldn't," he apologized.

"i know. but thank you," you looked him dead in the eye.

"why?"

"it led me back to him," you motioned over your shoulder to where rooster was. you caught rooster's eyes. rooster abandoned the game to waltz over to the bar.

"hey baby," he said, kissing your head. "hangman."

"rooster," hangman greeted. "i'll leave you to it. congrats again."

"thanks," you said with a sad smile. hangman got up and went back to whatever he was doing before he came over to talk to you.

"did you give him the ring back?" rooster asked, standing between your legs to hug you. you nodded against the crook of his neck. "how do you feel?"

"better. like a weight has been lifted," you whispered.

"good, good. c'mon, i was about to go play a song," rooster said trying to cheer you up. he knew how much seeing hangman and giving the ring back was stressing you out.

you allowed him to lead you to the piano, standing next to phoenix as you watched your fiance begin to play the song that everyone in the bar knew.

you turned your head to locate hangman, to see how he was, but he was slipping out the back door. your attention was ripped from him when you felt rooster pull you down onto the bench. and the feeling of belonging that you never quite felt with jake but always felt with rooster overtook you.

the feeling that this is where you were always supposed to be and who you were always supposed to be with. the feeling of permanence and content.

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vampirevatican · 30 days

Text

Milgram and The Court of Public Opinion.

this analysis will be about milgram's voting system, nuance and a whole lot of my own opinions mixed with eng fandoms translations, theories, and observations.

t1 = trial one / t2 = trial two

mv = music video

vd = video drama

voting and verdicts:

voting forgiven/unforgiven or innocent/guilty from the standards milgram sets for us (including es) isn't enough or easy.

being that milgram is set towards the court of public opinion and judgement can come from:

"sensibility, morality, ethics, legality, preference, taste, or sexual inclination..."

we end up arguing semantics, trying to find specifics in the crimes and making the best judgement possible. although in doing that the only conclusion anyone can come to is innocent when all is considered.

if we were doing it based on guilty and innocent then 5 are guilty, 2 are guilty on technicality and 3 are innocent

just in case you're curious, in guilty to innocent order as i just stated.

haruka, muu, amane, mikoto, kotoko, shido, fuuta, kazui, mahiru and yuno

it'd be over so quickly. but this... is milgram.

nuance/the grey area:

as the undercover song says, can you really judge them?

002. yuno, as for now, doesn't have a reason. ofc in western (american specifically) public opinion or at least those who view abortion as a choice. she's been innocent from the start. this is her autonomy, her choice, even if she's 18. i won't deny she is so young to be doing sex work, or more specifically compensated dating, and yes it may be common in japan but that doesn't take away the age being factored into what she decided to do. it wasn't for money and she has a good home life. with how analytical and cold she can be, im assuming her desire to be loved in this way comes from somewhere and she's become jaded towards actual relationships. opting for the material and superficial. even without pitying her, she'd still be forgiven/innocent since t1.

001. haruka did it for attention. with how he's coded - intellectual disability - and his mother being extremely neglectful after a certain age which prevented the possibility of his growth in intellect (understanding cause and effect/actions and consequences, along with many other things) it's easier to claim he's innocent. even more easier to forgive him due to this and extremely so if looking at it from his view point, albeit flawed. killing = attention = "affection", even if that attention/"affection" is negative it what he wanted. for someone, anyone to acknowledge him. he's innocent/forgiven because of his circumstances but if he's forgiven then he's being told it was his only option, and he was right, when the fault is on his mother.

003. fuuta was only trying to call out liars and scumbags. he is well versed in the court of public opinion, but he has never seen or experienced a result that lead to someone's death. looking at the undercover mv, then we can see he possibly doxxed his victim. if we take a nuanced approach here then we'd be looking at how he feels after the fact. he remembers the victims name, the fear in his eyes in his t1 and t2 mv, his voice drama after the first trial, him not approving of violence as a solution are all evidence of him feeling horrible. if he could go back, if he would've known. sure he did question why he's there instead of the people who actually killed the victim, but he also recognizes that he lead the charge. his innocence/forgiveness comes in the form of recognizing his actions were wrong. him being guilty/unforgiven is the action in itself.

004. muu is a love/attention reason. she's always been adored, admired, and cherished. she's always had her way. she also has never had to face heavy adversity. sure she was a bully, the queen bee, and a drama queen but didn't her school's culture allow her that? infact with us/es forgiving her, in the second trial song she claims as such, she'll always be queen. and for the t1 mv she says, "my 'im sorry' spells aren't working anymore." which leads me to believe that she's cried and apologized so many times that her old friends couldn't believe her. not forgiving her affirms to her that "two wrongs don't make a right" but forgiving her says the opposite to her. if she's to be forgiven/innocent the blame is tossed to the school, not her, but she won't see it that way.

006. mahiru is another love case, romantic, and in a roundabout way she never committed a crime in the first place. from the voice drama and interrogation q&a slips, we find out that she's a sheltered girl and loves/idolizes soap opera and shoujo mangas. from her mv's we see she romanticizes everything, especially with her t1 mv. she's innocent because of not actually committing murder and forgiven because this is her first love, she wouldn't have known that it was toxic and messed up.

005. shido is a love case, but for family. im thinking son because of a theory i saw, but either way when looking at it with nuance it gets heavier here. is taking from brain dead patients to save someone wrong? are the brain dead really dead? in my opinion yes, but that's the crux of the situation right? same goes for all the other inmates in this court of public opinion. he can be innocent from the view point that brain dead patients are already dead, and forgiven for his motive.

007. kazui did it in hopes of a dream, righting a mistake, being free. although he deeply regrets it, although he says he loves his wife? that love is mainly platonic. from his second trial mv, we see that he met her through his job - most likely police officer - so they had some kind of amicable relationship through their job. he only married her out of societal obligation, and noticing she liked him. not to mention in his t1 mv he says he messed up from the beginning. he is innocent because his crime is indirect, and forgiven because being gay isn't a crime and the regret he feels shows he never had negative intentions.

008. amane did it out of obligation. now, listen to me. i know she's literally 12 and was raised in a cult but notice how im stating the motive of each of these as they are from being stated in vd or pure observations from the mv's. now to any grown up it's self defense, but also imagine having gone through the worst hell imaginable all because you did something "wrong" stated by the adults around you. wouldn't the revenge be sweet? justice in its purest form. now take that and double it down with what you were taught. amane is not only forgiven/innocent because she was just a child, but because of the circumstances surrounding the murder.

009. mikoto (miko from here on) did it out of pent up stress an emotions, in turn creating john (koto from here on). miko is innocent without a doubt, and no i am not taking on the theory he actually did it til we get trial three. if koto was supposed to be his protector, and if he was born from a sudden explosion of pent up anger then (at least to me) it makes sense that he reacted the way he did. imagine being a corporate slave - no actually double it down, again, with growing up always trying to keep the peace. miko has a habit of laughing when he's upset. he laughs it off in hopes that things get better, his vd affirms this and even his mv after that. miko's smile that shifts to an extremely tired expression right before koto is born and a mirror shatters, right at the start. an intolerable stress from working so hard he grew grey hairs, cried himself to sleep, and yet continued to work, hold it in, and endure. the fault isn't on him or on koto. it's japan's work culture and the endure it mentality. koto is innocent/forgiven in the sense of motive. miko is innocent/forgiven because he's never killed to begin with.

010. kotoko did it to save the innocent. though she doesn't deal in nuance, much like fuuta. a key difference between the two is kotoko chooses violence because the justice system failed her. infact she's been hunting down the awful criminals of the world so much that she even has a covered bulletin board with pinned strings on it. on top of that, from the interrogation cards, we find out she dropped out of college and she was studying law. she'd be innocent for what she was seeking to do, in the court of public opinion, many would agree that awful people deserve a murderous punishment and she'd be even forgiven with that same reason. the nuance appears when considering the criminal, the crime and the reason. factoring those in then she can easily become guilty and unforgiven in the eyes of many, see the results after t1.

when it's all said and done:

they all had their reason, it all has a reason. who are we to say their crimes weren't just or fair? we're the judge, the jury, the executioner, and warden. in milgram whatever we says goes.

i'd love to see them all innocent, but at the same time do each of them deserve that? are their ideas being affirmed a detriment to them or their saving grace?? will they kill again?? will some of them be able to get the therapy and treatment they desperately need??? will they go back into society with an improved outlook on life or will they remain the same?

ofc i already have who i'd like to see forgiven and have already forgiven them myself, same as you reading this and those in the jp fandom (where it originates)

anyway. moving forward please vote with this in mind, and check out the audio dramas i beg you all. i hope that there are nuance voters and voters with sympathy but with how amane was guilty in t1, i have a strong feeling it's not gonna end well. but if it does, you'll see me rejoice.

#milgram project #milgram analysis #milgram #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #kotoko yuzuriha

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