#and even than sometimes i just get sick!!!! and start puking!! even when im good and when i eat and do everything im supposed to !!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dutifullyshamelessearthquake · 1 month

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Tighnari and cyno thoughts cuz I’m excited for the sequel fic hehe 🤭

so being drunk- first I feel like Cyno wouldn’t like to get too drunk. I could be convinced otherwise but I feel like he’d prefer to keep more sober at parties or bars cuz it’s easier to keep an eye on people and, most importantly, Tighnari. He will have one or two if it’s a formal event, and he may indulge more if it’s a smaller group and he knows everyone around but overall he’s happy to be Tighnaris DD most times. Tighnari on the other hand also wouldn’t go out of his way to over do it…buuuut it does happen sometimes 😅 and unfortunately since he’s a bit of a chaotic sicky I feel like he’s thrown up randomly one too many times due to having gone a little too hard. He is always suuuuper apologetic ofc. Oh, and post hangover migraines are his nightmare. I feel like he really wouldn’t try to get that drunk but idk I feel like he’s more of a lightweight than he wants to admit. And Cyno is weak to Drunk Tighnaris charms and whims so holding him back gets tricky. But everytime Nari swears he’ll never get that drunk again when he’s sick and nauseous the next day. And he’ll have a good streak for a while buuuuut it never really lasts.

Cyno tho, I feel like he really wouldn’t get hungover that easily. Like idk I just struggle it see it with him? If he does get tipsy he holds his booze really well and rarely has any problems. I do however think at one point he got really, really bad food poisoning from bar food. He had only had like one drink so he’s not sure why, by the time he gets home with nari (thankfully Tighnari isn’t super drunk but he’s pleasantly tipsy!) he feels so warm? And his stomach is upset? I feel like from there into the night it would just get worse, frequently having to use the bathroom keeps him up most of the night. And then the nausea hits…the following day he can’t keep anything down or in and nari tells him that yes hangovers can be bad but this- this is not from drinking one singular beer. alternatively you have this scenario but nari is really really drunk so he does start puking once they get home. And that’s when cyno starts feeling off too? He’s trying to take care of nari but keeps having to use the restroom. And by the time nari passes out that’s when Cynos nausea starts?? who knows!!

OH I'M IM LOVE WITH THIS! I actually really love it, because I often see Cyno portrayed as the one who'd get drunk and Tighnari as the one who'd stay sober. I honestly like your interpretation more! I can totally see our sweet baby Tighnari being such a lightweight, he always says he's not going to let himself get drunk, but he also always manages to underestimate just how hard the alcohol would hit him. ARGH I LOVE THAT SO MUCH!

Cyno definitely dotes on hungover Tighnari, he's sitting with him in bed all day and strokes his hair and coaxes him into drinking bits of water when he feels like it. Tighnari always apologises profusely for letting him happen, but Cyno just shushes him with gentle kisses because he really doesn't mind.

Now don't get me started on that food poisoning idea I LOVE THAT?? I love the whole idea of him being focused on Tighnari who's definitely tipsy (and as a result not as observant as he would be if he was sober) and he just can't place his finger on what's wrong. He keeps brushing it off as "ah, I must've drank more than I thought" but really he just had one drink. And then the next day is just MISERABLE. Tighnari's okay-ish, he wasn't super drunk the night before, but he's definitely a little hungover and his head is killing him. But Cyno, who wasn't even tipsy, is the one vomiting his guts out. Oh maaaaaan I want to write this!! I love this!! It's sooo good!!!

That second scenario is also brilliant!! Ahh!! This is going to give me soooo much brainrot!! I adore this!!

#earthquake author's note #sickfic #genshin sickfic #genshin emeto #emeto #nausea #emeto fic #sickfic headcanons #sickfic prompts #sick cyno #sick tighnari

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h1ghtechl0wlife · 2 years

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it sucks bc it's not my fault i have it obv but digestive disorders are so stigmatized that a lot of ppl dont even seek help and ppl r embarrassed to talk about it. i talk abt my back pain a lot but my pain from ibsd is right up there. like. bad night like last night the pain in my lower abdomen is so severe ill be getting sick while dry heaving (or full on puking) from the combination of my smooth muscles clenching which sometimes affects my stomach and just the pure pain of it. and it sucks i have to feel embarrassed about smth that so severely affects my life, as bad or worse than my back literally and yall see me talk about that all a ton.

like im thankful my partner is so normal abt it bc i know a lot if ppl arent, even when it's their family and it's not smth you can fucking control... they're the only one who is allowed to joke w me abt it since they can b normal and compassionate abt it the rest of the time.

but yeah regular pain so bad it causes me to heave or puke or break out into a cold sweat and you're expected to just shut up about it bc it makes other ppl uncomfortable, or think you're gross or unsanitary... literally everyone i know w a digestive disorder is cleanly as hell bc it makes YOU feel gross to experience it

anyway i had a colonoscopy at fuckin 28 to try and figure out wtf was wrong, since i can get sick as soon as i start eating in a bad day and that reflex your stomach has isnt supposed to start the second you eat. it literally hurts the entire time after i eat and while my body is digesting, which for most people takes 25 hours. ibs fucks up your body's ability to tune out the pain and sensation associated with peristalsis, the wave movement of your digestive tract, and also causes abnormal spasms in place of what's supposed to be a controlled and repetitive wave. but so, the colonoscopy. basically everything was mostly normal. ibs isnt diagnosed this way. ibs is diagnosed after ruling out everything else, after which they're like uhhh take imodium and heres some belladonna or hyoscamine to slow down your digestive tract. try the BRAT diet. good luck. like theres so little to do about it for treatment its exhausting to live with and know in the future every single time you eat will be met with pain that just increases over the hours of digestion, ending with you getting sick where the pain peaks and tries to make you vomit. and ppl wonder where my bad relationship with food comes from

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rikiflrts · 3 years

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— ꒰‧ 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐲'𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭 ༉‧₊˚✧

after what seemed like forever, i finally made my own prompt list! if you wish to request for the prompts that you’d like to use with a certain member, then feel free to choose any of the numbers displayed and tell me about them in the ask box (^^).

also: please be specific with the genre that you'd like to imply with your chosen prompts, thank you~ ♡

1.) "i just wanted to give you a hug"

2.) "dumbass we're lost now thanks to you!" " i already got lost in your eyes from the moment i met you but you don't see me complaining."

3.) "please don't talk to me right now, im not in the mood"

4.) "how are you so beautiful?"

5.) "my hoodie looks great on you"

6.) "how could you..."

7.) "i trusted you"

8.) "i didn't tell you to trust me."

9.) "you're leaving? just like that?"

10.) "no stop you're making me blush"

11.) "and if i am?"

12.) "just shut up and let me play with your hair"

13.) "so this is what falling in love feels like"

14.) "how are you even real..?"

15.) "are you being for real right now?"

16.) "...did you just sniff me?"

17.) "if you're that mad then why don't you just take it out on me?"

18.) "i don't mind"

19.) "you dumbass, i said i like you!"

20.) "i used to have this huge crush on you (laughs)" "used to?" "well, yeah.. i dont really like you anymore"

21.) "can i hold your hand?"

22.) "are you nervous?"

23.) "less talking, more working!"

24.) "im in love with an idiot"

25.) "but you promised me that we'd get married!!" "for the love of god, ____ we were 5 when that promise was made!"

26.) "but i still love/like you.."

27.) "this reminded me of you"

28.) "his/her/their smile is really pretty.."

29.) "just confess already!!"

30.) "you're an idiot." "yeah. your idiot."

31.) "are you even paying attention?"

32.) "does it look like i care?"

33.) "i don't really care"

34.) "it's been a while since i last smiled like this"

35.) "oh crap im starting to feel the butterflies again"

36.) "I'm scared, okay?! i can't do it"

37.) "what are you so scared of?"

38.) "im scared of falling.." "dont be, i'll catch you."

39.) "promise..?" "promise."

40.) "i guess promises really were meant to be broken."

41.) "you made a fool out of me!"

42.) "im sorry, its not you.. its me."

43.) "what about our promises??" "what about them?"

44.) "please dont go"

45.) "is/are they/he/she all you're ever going to look at?im already right in front of your attention is still focused on them/him/her."

46.) "that's it..?"

47.) "cuddle with me"

48.) "no."

49.) "his/her/their eyes were like pools; so deep. I fear that if I fall, I might never come out and reach for air."

50.) "i love spending time with you"

51.) "let's just be friends"

52.) "im sorry, im afraid of commitment"

53.) "im afraid of it too. why don't you just take this risk and overcome your fears with me?"

54.) "if its you, then i dont mind."

55.) "i love your smell"

56.) "what's that supposed to mean?"

57.) "first love really never does die huh"

58.) "hey, you look really familiar" "oh, really?" "yeah. you look like my soulmate."

59.) "if you like me so much then just marry me already"

60.) "wait i can do that?!" "your gullibility really amazes me sometimes."

61.) "are you dumb? be honest"

62.) "im not in the mood"

63.) "are you okay?"

64.) "you look horrible" "oh wow gee thanks for pointing that out sherlock"

65.) "what's in it for me?"

66.) "do you..like me?"

67.) "do you like him/her/them?"

68.) "but i wrote you letters.."

69.) "they mean nothing to me."

70.) "wow! i haven't seen you in ages, how have you been?" "we literally just saw each other 5 hours ago."

71.) "wipe that smirk off your face, its annoying"

72.) "aww, why? are you perhaps threatened that you'll end up falling for me?"

73.) "i think im going to puke"

74.) "are you blushing?"

75.) "aren't you tired of comstantly running in my mind?"

76.) "i can't get him/her/them out of my head"

77.) "your laugh sounds really pretty"

78.) "i love how your eyes sparkle whenever you're invested in something"

79.) "im falling"

80.) "oh no im catching feelings"

81.) "do you ever stop talking?"

82.) "let me get that for you"

83.) "its okay, i can pay for myself" "no. i wont let you" "but i have my own mone-" "shut up and let me spoil you!"

84.) "i refuse to stay in the same room with the likes of him/her/them!"

86.) "it was pretty obvious.."

87.) "come here."

88.) "stop doing that to yourself!"

89.) "you deserve better."

90.) "just leave. i dont want to see your face anymore."

91.) "i hate you." "the feeling's mutual."

92.) "didn't i tell you to leave me alone?!"

93.) "was it so wrong to love you..?"

94.) "if you really love me then just stay away from my sight."

95.) "you feel like home"

96.) "i love hugging you, it makes me feel safe"

97.) "i could kiss you right now!" "you're very welcome to do it."

98.) "i can't keep playing pretend"

99.) "let's put an end to this.."

100.) "i think im actually catching feelings"

101.) "this is getting dangerous.."

102.) "give me another chance"

103.) "give me one reason why i shouldnt leave."

104.) "im going to do it! im finally going to confess to him/her/them!"

105.) "you've got to be kidding me.."

106.) "i knew what i signed up for. im not surprised."

107.) "he/she/they has/have stars in his/her/their eyes and im captivated"

108.) "i love you" "nice try, but im not falling for that"

109.) "is it that hard to fall in love with me?!"

110.) "well if you put it that way, then yes."

111.) "you look happy"

112.) "you look happier without me."

113.) "can you guys please change the dare"

114.) "who gave you the right to toy around with my emotions like that?!"

115.) "i got played.."

116.) "stay out of my sight."

117.) "you're an eyesore" "you're an eye candy"

118.) "why are you still here?"

119.) "why..?"

120.) "stop making fun of me!" "make me."

121.) "was i just some kind of sick joke to you?"

122.) " i really like you "

123.) "i don't know how to express my feelings that well but i just want you to know that i'd take a bullet for you"

124.) "i'd do anything just to see you smile like that again"

125.) "what are you staring at?"

126.) "i think i have a crush on you" "you think? you're not even sure?"

127.) "take my hand"

128.) "let's get out of here."

129.) "you should wear my clothes more often"

130.) "i can teach you how"

131.) "I'm here for you"

132.) "you can use me to forget about him/her/them"

133.) "even if the world turns againt us, as long as we have each other, then we'll be alright."

134.) "you're all that i need"

135.) "you're all that i ever wanted"

136.) "you're all that i have"

137.) "please don't leave me"

138.) "I'm sorry."

139.) "look at me."

140.) "look at me and tell me that you don't love me anymore."

141.) "you're an idiot."

142.) "i don't love you anymore."

143.) "did you just drink from my cup?" "and if i did?"

144.) "im going to kill you!" "you don't scare me"

145.) "stay with me a little longer"

146.) "i knew it.."

147.) "i should've known.."

148.) "are you jealous?"

149.) "i made you a playlist"

150.) "when will you ever look my way..?"

151.) "im fine with looking at him/her/them from afar"

152.) "he's/she's/they're out of my league"

151.) "im scared of getting rejected"

152.) "back to square one"

153.) "I'm tired"

154.) "what do you like about me?"

154.) "i'd rather starve than spend time with him/her/them."

155.) "if i'm an idiot, then you're a coward"

156.) "i dreamt about you last night"

157.) "it was a nightmare"

158.) "it's the little things that he/she/they do/does that drive me insane"

159.) "i like you more than i should"

160.) "be mine"

161.) "it was too good to be true.."

162.) "i had a crush on him/her/them"

163.) "i never really thought that i'd end up falling for you"

164.) "you're adorable"

165.) "you mean the world to me"

166.) "you meant the world to me"

167.) "what happened in the past stays in the past"

168.) "careful, you might end up falling for me"

169.) "very funny, mister lover boy"

170.) "lets go out on a date"

171.) "i'm so lucky to have you"

172.) "where are you going?"

173.) "sometimes it really just gotta be like that"

174.) "hello good afternoon, what's your order?" "hell- oh wow.. you please" "im sorry, could you say that again?" "wait no! i meant- uh..oh dear.."

175.) "he's too good for me"

176.) "stop giving me mixed signals"

177.) "i guess it really just wasn't meant to be"

178.) "im not interested in you"

179.) "i cant get him/her/them out of my head"

180.) "where is/are he/she/they?"

181.) "you took my pillow so im going to use you as a pillow"

182.) "why are you avoiding me?"

183.) "did i do something wrong?"

184.) "please talk to me"

185.) "im not even his/her/their ideal type"

186.) "it wouldn't hurt to try"

187.) "you smell like me"

188.) "i like my scent on you"

189.) "that sounds weird if you put it that way"

190.) "can i call you tonight?"

191.) "you should smile more often"

192.) "i hate it when people tell me what to do"

193.) "lets wear matching outfits!"

194.) "im arresting you." "why? i didnt do anything wrong" "yes you did, you stole my heart and i want justice!"

195.) "i guess i got too caught up with my fatasies to notice that he/she/they never really liked me back in the first place.."

196.) "you're the answer to all my prayers"

198.) "you should go home."

199.) "let me come with you"

200.) "run away with me"

last updated: 12/30/20

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#random scenarios #otp prompts #prompts #promptlist #fanfic prompts #enhypen #scenarios #enhypen scenarios #fluff prompts #fluff prompt list #angst prompts #angst prompt list #writing prompts #writing prompts list

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kaimelia · 3 years

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Heartbeats (Ch.1)

a/n: hi! so, this is something I've been working on for a while and im finally posting it....I'm going to finish paper rings soon but this has been sitting in my computer for too long now and I want to start posting it! I hope you enjoy it :)

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It’d started small; they were at the park, and Link was chasing their four-year-old around the grass as Amelia laid on the blanket, snapping pictures with a wide grin spread across her face. Scout ran into her arms, and she hugged him, glancing up at her husband as he walked back. She noticed a slight limp in his leg and raised her eyebrows in confusion, making a mental note.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, lowering himself onto the blanket across from her. “My leg’s just a little sore. I must’ve slept on it weirdly.” Scout moved from his mother’s embrace to grab the truck he had brought, pushing it around the blanket. Amelia tilted her head to the side.

“Okay, but you’ll tell me if it gets worse, right?” Her voice wavered more than she expected it to, and she knew Link would notice. He grabbed her hand.

“Of course.”

-----------------

A week later, she woke up to the sound of him heaving into the toilet. She ran into the bathroom, placing her hand on his back and kneeling on the bathroom floor next to him. “You okay?” He nodded slowly before puking into the ceramic bowl again.

“I feel like crap.” Amelia placed her hand against his forehead, standing up to wet a washcloth.

“I don’t think you have a fever. Is it just nausea?” He breathed heavily once she placed the cool washcloth on his forehead, wiping away the beads of sweat on his face.

“I’m exhausted, too, but that could just be from work.” She frowned sympathetically, running her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe you’re pregnant,” Amelia joked, happy to hear a quick laugh from him. She glanced up as the bathroom door was pushed open.

“Is daddy okay?” The mother smiled, tousling her husband’s hair and standing up to take her son’s hand.

“Daddy’s just a bit sick. Let’s go get you ready for school, okay?” She led the boy out of their room and into his, helping him get ready for school. He rambled excitedly about his new dinosaur toy as she made waffles for him, pouring an absurd amount of syrup onto the plate. Link came down a few minutes later, rubbing his forehead with his hand. “Hey, you’re feeling better?” He shrugged.

“Gonna call in sick to work and sleep all day.” He placed his hands on his son’s shoulders. Scout turned to his father, excitedly waving the dinosaur in his face. “I can pick this guy up from school.”

“Can we get ice cream?” Amelia raised her eyebrows at her son’s request.

“You’ll have to convince your father on that one.” Scout grinned widely up at his father.

Amelia wasn’t at all surprised when she came home from work to see them eating ice cream in the living room, The Good Dinosaur playing on the TV. She kissed her son’s forehead, receiving an absent-minded greeting from him before his attention diverted back to the movie. She moved to sit on the other side of her husband and curled into his body. “Hi,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder. “Are you feeling better?” He pursed his lips tightly.

“Not really. But I’m okay.” She took a moment to look up at him, noticing the unusual paleness of his skin, the slight shake in his hand that was holding his ice cream. Amelia placed her hand over his heart, feeling the quick beating of his heart.

“Are you still having leg pain? From the other day at the park?” He paused for a moment as if in thought before confirming. “You should go relax. Take a nap. I’ve got him for the afternoon.” He hesitantly complied, leaving her to make dinner and amuse their son with conversations about space as he happily ate dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. Once she heard Link leave the room to shower, she proclaimed it was bedtime, promising to cuddle with the boy before bedtime. He followed her into the master bedroom without complaint, laying down next to her. Link returned to the room later, throwing his clothes into the laundry hamper.

“I think you should go see a doctor. I think that something’s wrong, Link.” He turned to face her at the sound of her soft voice. She was sitting on their bed, leaning back against the headrest with her computer open and about fifty different tabs pulled up, their son sleeping soundly with his head on her chest. Link sighed. “I’ve been keeping track of your symptoms. Leg pain, nausea, fatigue. I’m terrified to think that something’s wrong.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “We can ask Nico to see you sometime. Just get a scan done or something.”

“You think this is cancer?”

“I think that with your history, it’s not out of the question.” She closed the computer and placed it on the nightstand, wrapping her arms around Scout. “I’m scared of you dying. I would rather fight whatever it is with all of the information we can get.” He moved to sit next to her, pulling her into his side. “It’s not just you and me. We’ve got this little guy to worry about,” she motioned towards the sleeping boy.

“I’ll see if Nico can give me a scan tomorrow.” Amelia turned her head to look up at him.

“Thank you.”

-----------------

“There is a mass on your leg. We can do a biopsy to see if it’s cancerous.” Nico’s face was stern as he spoke, although Amelia could hear the slight waver in his voice. She often didn’t think about Link and Nico’s friendship, but at this moment, she could see that this was difficult for the man in front of her. She looked over at Link beside her.

“When can you do the biopsy?” Amelia asked, squeezing Link’s hand. He squeezed hers back, his gold wedding band pressing into her skin.

“I already talked to Bailey, and we can have her do it in about half an hour.” Nico’s hands folded together over the desk. “I can’t be the one to do it. But it’s just a biopsy, and you don’t need an orthopedic surgeon for that.” He said something else that she didn’t quite hear, and he left the room a moment later. She turned to her husband.

“You okay?” Link shook his head.

“No. I just want to go home and hold you and Scout. I don’t want to be here in the hospital.” Her hand settled against his cheek, her thumb wiping away a stray tear that had fallen from his eye.

“Let them do the biopsy, and then we’ll head home.” Amelia helped him to stand up and silently led him to the exam room down the hall. They waited in silence, gripping each other’s hands tightly. Amelia laid her head on his shoulder. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna figure it out, okay?” When Bailey walked in, she offered them a sympathetic smile before asking Link to move onto the table and performing the biopsy. There was an attempt at small talk, yet Link seemed to have turned into a brick wall, ignoring whatever they were saying. The chief promised to rush the results, directing them to wait in her office. As soon as she returned to the office an hour later, the couple knew the results.

“It is cancer. We’ll make an appointment to stage it, and we can get you in soon.” She left a moment later, leaving the couple alone in silence.

“Link?” He looked over at his wife with teary eyes.

“I just wanna go home.” She nodded in understanding, offering him her hand and leading him out of the hospital. They were greeted at their house by their son, who Maggie had watched during the day. He eagerly jumped into his mother’s open arms, ranting about the day’s events.

“You look sad, daddy.” He wrapped his arms around his father’s legs, not noticing the cringe from his father at the pain.

“I’m just tired, Scout. All good.” Amelia rustled her son’s hair.

“Alright, Scout. We’re gonna get you your bath, and then you can come and cuddle with mommy and daddy for a while, okay?” She led the energetic boy into the bathroom, the sound of water running soon filling the home.

“If there’s anything I can do, let me know.” Maggie smiled sympathetically, rubbing Link’s shoulder before letting herself out of the house. He walked into the bathroom and rested against the doorframe. A happy scene played out in front of him; his son splashing water at Amelia, who was sitting outside of the tub. Her smile was genuine, and she looked over a moment later.

“Hey, we’re almost done in here. Quick bath tonight,” she teased, grabbing at her son’s nose. Scout giggled loudly. Link smiled and left the bathroom, changing into his pajamas and flopping onto the bed. There was a knock on the door soon after, Amelia walking in with Scout in her arms, his smile wide as she placed him down on the bed. Scout had always loved sleeping in their bed, curled up between his parents, surrounded by their love, as he would say. He quickly fell asleep, softly mumbling nonsense about dinosaurs and his cousins. Amelia’s eyes met Link’s. “What’re you thinking about?” He brushed his hand through the boy’s blonde hair.

“How terrified I am. Like you said the other night. It’s not just me anymore. I’ve got you and Scout.” He sniffled. “I don’t want to believe it. I think some part of my brain is convinced that if I don’t acknowledge it, it won’t be real.” Their son sighed contently between them, curling into his mother’s body. “It’s cute. How he curls up like that.”

“He was always in this same position when I was pregnant,” she whispered, pulling up the blankets between them. “Even now, almost five years later, he still does it.”

“How are we going to tell him?”

“We’ll wait until we know more, and we’ll explain it simply, answer any questions he has. He’s a smart kid. He’ll probably pick up on it before we get the chance to tell him.”

“You’re so calm about this. Normally, it’s the other way around,” he whispered, moving his arm under the pillow.

“I guess my brain understands that you need me right now. I’m sure I’ll start freaking out any day, now.” He breathed out a soft laugh. “But, I’m also scared. Just doing a better job at masking it.” She reached for his hand across the space between them. “Promise me one thing?”

“Yeah?”

“That whatever it is, you’ll fight. You promised me a few years back that you would always fight for our dreams. My dream is that you’re okay.” He nodded his head quickly.

“Of course.” Her lips turned upward into a small smile. “You have to promise me that you’ll be here whenever I need you. At all my appointments and treatments.”

“Scout and I will bring you ice cream every day.” Link’s eyes fell to their son, watching the rise and fall of his chest. “Try and get some sleep, Link.” She slipped her hand away from him and reached behind her to turn the lamp off, sighing tiredly. “I love you.” His hand found hers again.

“I love you.”

#amelia shepherd #Atticus Lincoln #grey's anatomy #amelink #amelia x link #amelink fanfic #amelink fanfiction #greys abc #greys fanfic #scout lincoln #scout shepherd lincoln #my fics

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thatsnotevenmeh · 3 years

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(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ you thought i was DONE? ♥

𝓘 𝓭𝓮𝓬𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓮𝔁𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓭𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼

imma just do the first 13 now, then do one a day after this heh

1: sw--260 (yes i know, fucking fatspo over here) cw--173 (still gross lmao) gw--130 ugw--110 to 100

2: Im 5′8″ and i do like it, but i wish i was taller anyway so i can look more lean

3: I have a whole folder on my laptop dedicated to thinspo but here’s what i wanna look like...although sometimes i feel conflicted. DO I WANNA BE THICC OR A STICC I DONT KNOW AHHHHHHH

I have a thing for thighs...but then again i ALSO want my leg to be the size of a monster can lmaoooo also i want a flat stomach (borderline concave, something about it justt makes me wanna NUT). I JUST REALIZED I BASICALLY WANNA BE MY OWN FAP MATERIAL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

4: im scared of all the loose skin im gonna have, it really freaks me out thinking about it so i try my best to keep my skin firm

5: i have a few reasons, i used to get bullied about it all my life so i wanna prove everyone wrong, i wanna be skinner than my model of a sister (shes actually been offered modeling contracts and everything), i want to look good for my boyfriend, and i want to finally feel pretty in my own skin.

6: lmao i binge a LOT, i have this bad habit of craving greasy and fatty foods when im stressed or upset. Also i have a chocolate addiction so yeah trying to deal with that

7: My dad couldnt care less since i see him like 2-4 times a year, and my mom likes to sabotage my weight loss. after she noticed i started losing, she’d always buy me fast food, junk food, etc. Then she’d have me stay home while she and my sisters when to the gym ;-; And as soon as i weighed less than her, she took me out for cheesecake and wouldnt let me take it home. not fun

8: Now that im in college (and an RA), I end up walking about 5k or more everyday. But i do try for at least 6-7k a day instead. Every morning I do a April Han routine, and every night ill do the same one i did that morning. ill do stretches, jump rope, or do literally whatever whenever i just feel gross. And i go to the gym if i wanna punish myself (i have really bad social anxiety so it like a REALLY big punishment)

9: ALL THE TIME. ive been called pretty much every name in the book.

10: my dignity. I literally have a bag filled with ziploc bags filled with puke/spat out food in my room so i can avoid my housemate finding out about me purging and stuff

11: i mean, i dont really look at blogs anymore, i just go on tumblr all the time

12: NORMALLY ill eat like a normal ass student; ramen, chicken, sandwiches, bacon, mcdonalds (any fast food really) etc.

13: I dont even know anymore. Im eating healthier and working out more, but i still eat like 1000 or less cals a day. I punish myself by making myself walk more than my body can handle. I self harm if i feel like a failure (so far im a week clean, but i got 50 new razors and a full stocked med kit, and 10 different packs of bandaids). Since im fat, i feel like im being healthy. But deep down, i know that this is wrong. I know im sick, its why im here. but its an addiction. I HAVE to be thin. i HAVE to. its not a choice anymore. ill literally KILL myself if i cannot do it.

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bleepblopbloop56 · 5 years

Text

Discovering the Soul

Okay guys heres the deal i mightve already posted this forever ago but i cant find it and im pretty sure it only got like 2 likes so were trying this again.

Warnings: panic attack, crying, soulmate au

---

Virgil didn’t have a soulmate. Not really a surprise. A lot of people didn’t have soulmates, it was fairly common actually. Only about 75% of the population actually HAD the black stains on their skin, showing the first place their soulmate would touch them. Some people never find their soulmates, and that was fine. People still continued dating and getting married, even with people they knew weren’t their soulmate. Sometimes soulmates just didn’t exist, and that was okay.

What wasn’t okay was the stigma around not having a soulmate. In schools kids were often bullied for not having one, leading to higher risk of mental health problems in people without them.

The way that soulmarks work is simple. From the moment you’re born a black stain appears on your skin, the first time that your soulmate touches you will be in that place and you’ll know because the mark bursts into color. Most people had them on their hands, signifying a handshake, an accidental brushing of hands, a slap in some cases.

His friend Logan had one covering most of his back. His friend Roman had the usual hand one, covering the bottom an some of the top half of his fingers. Dee had one looking suspiciously like a bitch slap... Perhaps the soulmark shaped the person. Maybe if Dee had a different soulmark he wouldn’t act like such an ass all the time, practically begging to be slapped by someone. Maybe Logan wouldn’t be so observant if he wasn’t always sitting with his back towards the wall, watching the place, because he didn’t WANT a soulmate. Maybe if Virgil had a soulmark he’d be happy. Maybe he wouldn’t cover up every inch of his skin so people on the street wouldn’t know about his fate, maybe he’d actually let people touch him instead of jerking violently at even the wind, if it dares to get too close.

Maybe if Virgil wasn’t so closed off he would’ve known sooner…

---

God how Virgil wished this would just be a normal day. How he wished he could turn back time and just, make things better. Patton was running just a bit too fast down the school’s hallway, Logan was walking a bit too slow to carry on a conversation outside of Virgil’s classroom. And suddenly, Logan’s back was slammed into by Patton’s chest, knocking them both over in the process. Logan gasped, but not in pain, and frantically tried feeling at his back. Patton took a minute more to realise what was happening, to even realise that had hit someone and fell.

“Logan?! Are you okay?!” virgil helped him up and tried his best to ignore the growing crowd of people. Logan didn’t seem to notice, or if he didn’t, he didn’t care.

“Check, please check” logan panted out, still not quite being able to grasp the situation. Virgil grimaced as he pulled the back of Logan’s shirt up and sure enough, his previously black stained skin was now covered in bright shades of blue, standing out against the rainbows. Patton was frantically pulling at his own collar, pushing it down just enough to expose the bright rainbow colors of a newly found soulmate.

“Oh my goodness!!!!” patton squealed jumping up and nearly tackling logan in a hug. And for the first time any of them have ever seen, logan laughed. He actually laughed as he wrapped his arms around patton and hugged him back. Sure, him and virgil had been friends for a while and he had seen logan chuckle, but this was different. This was a full blown laugh. Logan was happy. The local “i don’t need a soulmate” emotionless robot had seemed to completely forget his disinterest as he grabbed on tight to the happiest person in the world. Patton had tears in his eyes as he laughed too. Of course the goofiest, most clumsy boy in school ends up with a boy like him.

Virgil felt sick. He always heard that seeing someone get a soulmate was beautiful, “almost as beautiful as meeting your own” apparently. But seeing his best friend so happy, hugging a boy with a rainbow chest, it was just another reminder that of course virgil didn’t have a soulmate, and of course his best friend did.

---

Everyone always thought roman would be one of the many people to not notice when their soulmark changed colors. Too many people brushed against each other in a crowd, never to be seen or heard from again. Most people assumed that since he did such vivid arm movements when he talked, expressing himself much like a cartoon, he’d end up somehow slapping someone who sat to close and not realising it.

“How could i ever not realise i touched my soulmate?! Its my true love i think i would know!!” princey said, wildly gesturing with his fork accidently slapping someone with a piece of chicken before plopping it into his mouth, completely oblivious.

“Are you 100% certain you would notice?” Patton had very quickly been pulled into their group of friends after the whole soulmate incident. Virgil hated seeing them together. He hated seeing the two together everyday and not being able to suppress his anger and sadness over not having someone to make him that happy. Almost everyone was surprised that logan “i don’t want a soulmate” berry was nearly constantly holding hands with patton foster and almost everyone could admit that he looked happier after they met. it made virgil sick.

“I’m just saying if this nerd found a soulmate before me something must be wrong with fate!” the conversation faded out as virgil stared off into space. All this soulmate talk never failed to make virgil uncomfortable. They knew he was still there right? He was snapped out of his thoughts by a grape smacking him straight in the face.

“Yo, stormcloud, you good?” roman never really was good at comforting, or being nice for that matter. He tended to upset people without meaning to with his mannerisms and jokes and nicknames. Half the school hated him and he had no idea what he did.

“Yeah, fine” virgil replied darkly, hiding a bit more behind his jet black bangs. He knew it was irrational to be angry at the group, none of them were responsible for his lack of soulmate. That was all his fault for being born wrong.

“I’m going to the bathroom” he choked out, leaving the table with tears in his eyes. Maybe he could just skip the rest of the school day. Then he wouldn’t have to see any godforsaken soul couples with their hand holding and forehead kissing and reminders of how virgil would never have that.

---

Maybe if he hadn’t come to school today none if this would’ve happened. Maybe if he just stayed home his life would forever be different.

Maybe if he’d just stayed home he wouldn’t be having a panic attack with Roman prince sitting in front of him trying to calm him down.

“I can’t- i can’t- I can’t- I cant-” his breath came in violent hiccups as he reached into his hair and started to pull. Roman had never seen him so torn up over something so small like a kiss on the cheek. It was like the littlest things set him off anymore.

“please try and breathe Virgil, come on, deep breaths” he had no idea what he was doing and just prayed that he helped him in some way. Virgil shook his head and violently jerked away from Romans hand when it reached out to touch him.

“it’s not- it’s not fucking fair! It’s not fair it’s not fair” Virgil cried, curling in on himself, crying so hard he could puke. It wasn’t fair that other people got to be happy when Virgil didn’t. It wasn’t fair that Virgil got called names and pushed around just because he didn’t have a soulmate. It wasn’t fair.

Roman was desperately trying to calm down the boy in front of him, resisting the urge to just hug him and hold him tight. But Virgil didn’t like touching. And he definitely didn’t want to be touched now when he was freaking out over soulmates, when he was panicking.

But his hands were pulling at his hair, he was going to hurt himself if he didn’t stop soon.

Roman weighed his options and decided that he’d help calm him down after he made sure he was safe.

“Virgil please..” Roman reached his hand out to pull virgils hands away from his scalp, but Virgil jerked his away, trying to avoid contact, and left romans hand nowhere to go but in his hair.

And it was so much more beautiful than they could’ve ever imagined. It felt like Sparks and birthdays and puppies and love. All the negative emotions drained from them immediately, leaving them both gasping at the sudden change. Virgil’s hair burst into colors, shades of purples and blues outshining the rest.

“but… I thought I didn’t..” Virgil shot up from the floor and ran to the mirror. Hoping ad begging that he wasn’t just imagining the feeling. And he was more than overjoyed that his edgy vibe was brutally murdered by his now rainbow hair.

And he smiled. He smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled. He finally understood why couple’s acted the way they did when they met their soulmate. Why Logan was laughing, why Patton was crying, why even if you met in the middle of a tragedy you couldn’t help feeling like it’d all be okay. It was all so much love that left no room for pain or negativity. And then Virgil was crying, this time tears of joy.

“dude..” Roman whispered before jumping to his feet,“ DUDE!!!! Your hair!!! My hand!! Oh my God oh my fucking God look!!!” Roman gestures wildly towards his own hand, bouncing up and down like a middle schooler.

And then Roman was close, and closer, and then they were hugging and everything was electric. Romans head was nestled into Virgil’s hair, and it felt perfect. He placed a kiss right on the top of Virgil’s head, and it was fireworks all over again.

“is this how it’s gonna feel Everytime we touch?” Roman whispered, more to himself than anything, “ cause I’m never letting you go”

“Never let me go…”

#thomas sanders #sander sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #logicality #prinxiety

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askpolylosersclub · 5 years

Note

What’s the craziest thing each of you have done?

Um...basically I’m normal and the rest of these guys are fucking crazy weirdos who do disgusting and/or dangerous shit on a regular basis. For Bill it’s daily. For Richie it’s hourly. Ben is probably the least problematic...but he still does stupid stuff sometimes (you’d be surprised) Mike does stupid stuff kinda often to help other people or to help animals. These are just the ones that instantly spring to mind —>

BEN

- Sometimes runs so fast and for so long that he literally throws up. Like he pushes his body to the limits and beyond on a regular basis and nothing we say seems to make a difference. He’s always fine after somehow (I’d be fucking dead). I’ve even heard him say that if he pukes he feels like he can finally stop...

- On that note to do with Ben being a fitness freak, I’ve seen him eat protein powder STRAIGHT OUT OF THE TUB...just dry without any water or anything because he was ‘in a rush’. You’d have thought it was gonna end up like the cinnamon challenge but Ben’s clearly so fucking hardcore he didn’t even react.

- Ben drank so much once when we were at a bar that the bartender A) Called an ambulance just out of principle and B) When he realised that Ben was actually somehow fine and it was confirmed by the paramedics, he gave us all of our drinks for free and took a picture of Ben and it’s up behind the bar in a frame.

MIKE

- Mike ripped apart a barbed wire fence with his BARE HANDS once when we were on a walk and found a foal with its leg tangled up in the wire. Then he CARRIED it to the vet - all the way, and he wouldn’t let me or Stan help because he didn’t want us to get blood all over us the way he did. (Believe me he did - he was fucking COVERED in blood and you couldn’t even tell if it was his or from the horse) We must’ve walked almost 2 miles with Mike with his hands and arms all cut up carrying a 150lb foal. We had to go to the hospital right after and Mike had to get stitches in his hands.

- On a similar note...Mike has been attacked by not one, not two, but THREE raccoons on separate occasions and they were all for different but equally dumb reasons. The first time he was trying to help one that had a broken leg and it bit him. We drove him straight to the hospital AGAIN because we were terrified he was gonna get rabies or something (well, I was) even though he kept saying he was fine. The second time he got his arms all scratched up ‘rescuing’ one from the loft space in our old house. And the third time he was trying to feed one...and he got bit again...

- The number of times he has gotten himself hurt doing gardening or DIY is absolutely insane. But he will literally just keep going like there’s nothing wrong even if there’s blood pouring down his leg because he sliced it open on a piece of broken fence in our yard while he was fixing it, or the one time he stood on a huge old nail and it went through the sole of his shoe into his foot, and he just PULLED IT OUT HIMSELF AND KEPT WALKING AROUND LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED.

BEV

- Bev glued one of her eyelids shut once with some sort of eyelash glue and she had to go to the ER to have it soaked off...also turns out she was allergic and her eye was so swollen she couldn’t even open it for two days. She said she bought the kit online from China and it cost her 50 cents... leading off from that she has tried to wax parts of her body that you shouldn’t try to wax by yourself with cheap products when you don’t know what you’re doing, because...you won’t be able to get it off...and it will bleed...and the only people you live with who can help you are all guys...

- She’s a MENACE when we go out together to a bar or a club or whatever because Bev’s pretty chill most of the time and she’s used to guys hitting on her, but if someone is inappropriate with her...like touches her without her consent or says something gross, she FLIPS. I mean you can’t blame her because I flip about it too but Bev flips long before any of us step in. I’ve seen her cuss out guys like 5 times her size in the middle of a crowded bar. I’ve seen her reduce a guy to tears before because he touched her boob and then laughed about it with his friends. I’d be worried about her if we weren’t always with her...but to be fair Bev can take care of herself...

- Whenever we go on holiday or we have a day out together, Bev will be the first to do whatever potentially fun but dangerous thing we all end up doing once she has led the way. Like she’ll jump (sometimes FULLY naked) straight into lakes/rivers/reservoirs/the sea even when it’s super stormy...you name it. She runs outside ALL THE TIME when it’s raining with no shoes on and no jacket. She touches weird bugs, she eats weird food, she talks to weird people. I mean...sometimes I think it must be nice to just enjoy life so much that nothing will get in your way of that enjoyment but...chill.

STAN

- You might think Stan would be right there with me stopping everyone else from doing dumb dangerous shit, and you’d be right most of the time, but BELIEVE ME he is not exempt from this list. I mean he IS best friends with Richie...so what do you expect?

- The lengths Stan will go to to get closer to or take a good picture of a fucking bird is INSANE. He climbs trees, he goes to the VERY EDGE of cliffs and dangerous rock faces, he hangs out of the windows of tall buildings, he gets onto THE ROOF OF OUR HOUSE. Honestly either he is the luckiest person alive or he’s an incredibly skilled climber because he hasn’t once been even slightly hurt or even mildly scared. He still comes back pristine.

- I dunno if this even counts as being crazy or dangerous, but I’m gonna put it on here because I think it counts. Stan works WAY TOO MUCH. And when I say that I don’t just mean long shifts, I mean like...doesn’t even come home from the office for days at a time. Literally doesn’t sleep, just works overnight. We joke about him having an affair but honestly I think I’d rather that than knowing he’s just sitting by himself in his office in the dark still working all night and substituting sleep with coffee. Clearly he’s doing something right because Stan’s doing even better than the rest of us career-wise and he’s fucking LOADED cash-wise...but sleep-wise and sanity-wise??? Fucked.

BILL

- Let’s face it, except for Richie, Bill is the most dangerous, clumsiest, most accident prone of all of us. He’s like Richie 2.0 (but much less annoying) If I had to guess who out of the 7 of us is probably gonna die first I would definitely say Bill, and that TERRIFIES THE SHIT OUT OF ME, guys.

- Bill will literally do ANYTHING on a dare. And when he spends so much time with Richie, that’s a deadly combo. Like I genuinely think if Richie dared Bill to go outside and eat dog shit off the sidewalk he would do it (ugh) If Richie told him to walk into the road in front of a moving car I think he would do it...guys I’m terrified. Considering Bill is basically the ‘leader’ of our group...at least we still say so even though it hasn’t been a thing since we were kids, he does EVERYTHING Richie (and Stan) tell him to. They’re like the evil masterminds behind everything.

- When I say Bill is clumsy, I mean...BILL IS THE FUCKING CLUMSIEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Is it adorable? Yeah, kinda. Is it scary how clumsy he is? DEFINITELY. Bill could still trip over his shoelaces if his shoes were in another room. He helps Mike with a lot of DIY stuff, and where Mike occasionally hurts himself even while he’s being careful, Bill is GUARANTEED to get hurt no matter what. HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS.

RICHIE

- Holy fucking shit, where do I even start? You name it, Richie has tried to eat it, drink it, smoke it or insert it into SOME part of his body. Like I can’t keep track of him all the time, guys! IM ONLY ONE PERSON I ONLY HAVE TWO EYES. Which is ironic, because Richie’s only gonna have one eye eventually...and one arm...and one leg...and no eyebrows...I just...I can’t...

- Where Bill does stupid stuff because either he does it accidentally or he’s told to, Richie does it BY CHOICE. He literally walks down the sidewalk, and his dumb ass is like ‘If I tried to do a backflip, even though I’m the least athletic person on planet earth and I cannot nor have I ever been able to do a backflip, off the hood of this car, that would be awesome like that would be SICK’ His fucking amoeba idiot brain is like ‘I wonder what a snail would taste like? Welp, THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT, HAH HAH HAH’ <- That’s Richie’s dumbass brain laughing

- Aside from hurting himself, Richie has been ARRESTED (Yes, full on by the actual POLICE ARRESTED) SEVEN TIMES. SEVEN (7) FUCKING GODDAMN TIMES.

7 times...

I can’t do this anymore.

Send help.

- Eddie

#askthelosersclub #richie tozier #stanley uris #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #askpolylosersclub

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sicklilspidey · 5 years

Text

I Love You 3000 (appendicitis)

It's currently Saturday afternoon and Peter had nothing better to do than sit on the couch and watch movies with his sister Morgan. Peter absolutely loved days like this, between his patrolling and training with his dad, he felt like he didn't spend as much time as he would like with his little sister. Peter started thinking about when he was her age and how different his life was back then. Don't get him wrong, he loves his life now with the Stark's but sometimes he missed his real parents. He also missed his aunt May but knew she had his best interests in mind when she gave Tony full parental rights over him.

“ Look bubba, he touched the butt” morgan said laughing, which snapped peter out of his thoughts. They were watching finding nemo for what felt like the fifteenth time that day. Peter couldn't help but giggle at how enthusiastic Morgan was. Suddenly he got a sharp pain in his stomach which caused him to hiss. It caught morgans attention.

“Are you okay bubba” she asked sympathetically. “Yeah, bug im fine, dont worry about me” he responded trying to reassure her.

“I'm not a bug, you are” she giggled. “ no silly, it was just a nickname, but you're not technically wrong” he laughed, even though he was still in pain.

“ I think im gonna go get some food, do you want anything” he asked. “ POPCORN” morgan yelled. Peter had never heard here say something that excitedly and he couldn't help but smile. While he was in the kitchen, he searched through the cabinets looking for something to soothe the throbbing in his gut.

“Can I help you find something” the voice made peter jump.

“Woah kid, i didn't mean to startle you” tony said through his laughter.

“Dad, you know not to sneak up on me” peter said, face red with embarrassment.

"Your spidey senses off or something” tony asked while ruffling his son's hair.

“Stooooop, and i don't know, maybe they're just being slow because im tired” peter whined.

“How could you be tired, all you've done today is watch nemo a thousand times” tony replied.

“Hey, in my defense it's a good movie” Peter said as they both laughed.

"Back to my original question since we got off topic. What were you looking for" Tony asked. Peter hesitated. He didnt want his dad worrying about him because he had a stupid stomach ache.

“Just looking for some tums, all the popcorn we've been eating is giving me indigestion” peter replied. ‘Really Peter, indigestion. That's the stupidest lie ever’ he thought to himself. Appearently it wasnt too stupid because Tony seemed to have bought it.

“Okay, well if that's the case i'd say lay off on the popcorn then” tony said as he walked out of the kitchen.peter knew he couldn't risk getting caught, he had too much going on this coming up week and he couldn't afford a sick day. He made his way back to the living room and plopped onto the couch.

“ Hey! Wheres my popcorn” he hear morgan say from the floor.

“Shit, i'm sorry. I totally spaced it” he replied

“Language “ she giggled. Peter dozed off soon after that. When he woke up it was dark and he noticed morgan wasn't in the room anymore. He also noticed a blanket on himself. 'mom must have put it on me when she got Morgan' he thought. He went to sit help and realized the pain in his stomach was still there and it had worsened. He decided it would be best to sleep it off. 'Maybe if i get a good night's rest in my own bed it will help' he thought. Little did he know, he couldn't have been more wrong.

When peter woke up to say he was in agony was an understatement. He was in so much pain he didn't want to move, but he knew he had to. He had a show to put on for people so no one knew that he was sick. He decided he'd skip on his morning patrol, which was unusual for him, he just knew not much would happen in the morning. He made his way done to the kitchen and the smell of bacon hit him like a ton of red bricks.

"Hope your hungry. I've been cooking for two hours to make sure I had enough for tony, Morgan, you, and that monster you call a metabolism" peper laughed as she saw Peter walked through the doorway. Tony and morgan were already at their usual spot at the table.

"Hey, Albert Einstein called and said he wants his hair back" tony said making fun of his son's bed head.

"Good one daddy" morgan laughed.

"Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week" tony said while bowing. Pepper laughed from the kitchen.

When breakfast finally made it to the table, peter couldn't stand to look at it, but he knew he had it eat it. He slowly forced himself to take bite after bite until he was sure no one would ask him any questions. When he was done he went back up to his room to shower, then he crawled back into bed.

The next few days were relatively the same. Peter would wake up wanting to scream because of how bad his stomach was hurting, he'd force himself to eat, throw up after words and repeat the cycle over and over again.

When he woke up on Wednesday morning something was different. The pain in gis stomach moved. It wasn't all over but now it made itself at home on his lower right abdomen. Peter moaned when he got up and did the routine he'd been doing since Sunday morning. He was about to climb in bed after puking his guts out when tony walked in.

"Hey kiddo, steve and Natasha are here and they want to spar. Get your workout gear on and meet me upstairs" he said before leaving again

Peter sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was spar, but he knew he had to keep the act up. So he got up, changed and made his way to the sparring facility upstairs.

"Hey spiderling, glad you could join us" Natasha said, shooting peter a smile. He nodded in response and went to sit next to his dad on the bench.

"Okay, listen up. Natasha, you're with Tony, and kid, you're with me" steve said walking into the facility. Peter wanted to bolt. He knew there was no way this would end well and he was right.

Peter's spidey sense was on the fritz and he was having a hard time concentrating. He knew he got a few hits in but that's all he could recall before Steve hits his right side at full force. Peter was done, he couldn't hide it any longer. He doubled over and started coughing.

"Woah kid, sorry didn't mean to knock the wind outta ya" steve said making his way to peter. When he made it to peter he froze.

"What's going on over there" natasha asked. When she didn't get a response she decided to go see what was happening herself. "Holy shit, tony you better come help your kid. Im calling bruce down here. I'll have him bring a gurney." natasha yelled while running toward the door. So many things were running through Tony's mind but he knew he had to get to his kid. When he made it to Peter, he wasn't expecting such a horrific site. Peter was now on the ground cradling his stomach and next to him was a small puddle of blood. Tony didn't know what to say he just knew he had to leap into action.

" Friday, call pepper and tell her we need her up here ASAP" tony yelled.

"Already done sir, Ms. Romanoff and Dr. Banner are coming down the hall also sir" friday responded.

Tony picked peter up and rushed him to the door.

"Tony im so sorry i-" steve started but tony cut him off.

"Not now Steve, I have to save my son" he said with tears in his eyes.

Tony met bruce and natasha at the door and laid peters limp body on the gurney.

"What is going on, friday said you needed m-" pepper stopped talking when she saw peter.

"What happened?" she asked, tearing up.

"I'm not one hundred percent sure yet but my best bet is appendicitis" bruce said before rushing peter to the medbay.

"Mommy what's wrong with him" morgan cried. " its okay sweetie, he's just got an ouchy in his tummy, uncle bruce and daddy are taking him to the medbay, and they'll make peter all better" pepper told her distraught daughter. "Y-you promise" morgan stuttered. " I promise" pepper replied.

Pepper couldn't help but think how she didnt notice something was off with her son.

"I didn't know, i'm so sor-" steve began to say to pepper.

"Save it steve, i've got to get to peter" and with that she picked up morgan and ran to the medbay.

When she got there she saw four doctors hooking peter up to different machines.

" bruce confirmed its his appendix, they're getting him ready for surgery" tony told his wife. " how could we not have noticed. I honestly feel like i've failed as a father" Tony added while starting to tear up again.

"Don't say that! How could we have known. He was keeping it a secret and he did one hell of a job keeping it" pepper said.

The doctors wheeled peter out of the room and into the OR.

"Mommy, where are they taking him" Morgan asked.

"They're gonna go fix your brothers ouchy and make him all better just like I told you" pepper said.

Time began to pass and both Tony and Pepper were becoming impatient. They just wanted to know their son was okay. Just then Bruce walked into the room.

"Is he okay? Did everything go well? Did save my kid?" Tony started spitting out questions left and right.

"Yes, peter is just fine he's in recovery right now and should wake up in about half an hour. If you come with me i'll take you to him." bruce said.

Before they went anywhere, morgan walked up to bruce and said " Thank you for fixing my bubba's ouchy, uncle Bruce". Bruce couldn't help but smile at the five year old.

When they made it to peter, tony was taken back. He's seen the kid in a hospital bed multiple times because of being injured on the job, but this time it was different. Peter looked so small and fragile, like the smallest gust of wind could shatter him into a million pieces.

Soon peter began stirring and he opened his eyes.

"Hey my little spiderling, how are you feeling" pepper asked.

"I've been better" peter mumbled

" ill say, why didn't you tell us you weren't feeling well. I wouldn't have asked you to spar with us." tony said.

"Tony chill out, he's only been awake for a few minutes. The lecturing can wait. Let's be grateful our son is still here" pepper said.

"You're right, im sorry. I'm really happy you're okay" he told peter. Peter nodded in acknowledgement

"Mommy, can i get up there with him" morgan asked. Pepper looked at Peter, who nodded.

"Yes baby, but you have to be careful" she said picking her daughter up. She set her on the bed. Margan careful made her way up to peters face.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, mister" she said shaking her finger in his face. Peter smiled.

"Im sorry bug, i didn't mean to scare you. I love you" he said to her.

Morgan grabbed Peter's face and smushed hers against it. "I love you 3000" she responded.

"Wait hey, that's our thing" tony said pretending to be shocked.

Everyone laughed.

It took a few days but peter healed up quick and was back out patrolling and kicking his dad's ass in training.

#peter parker sickfic #peter parker sickfics #irondad #iron dad #iron man #spiderson #spiderman #stark family #pepper potts #morgan stark #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #spiderman sickfics #i love you 3000 #captian #black widow #mcu #marvel sickfic #marvel

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believerindaydreams · 5 years

Text

noir at high noon: twelve snippets in a life

susan’s POV. a little snippet of post-canon, among other things.

4. I knew Angel Eyes was trouble. That's why I went to find him.

You'd think it'd cost me something: money, self-respect, time at least. Enough to make my search sound difficult, when the truth is it took me two days and no trouble at all to make the connection I needed. Why not?

By then, I'd already lost the only thing that ever made my life worth a damn.

1. "Some day, I'll steal a car so fast it'll make you puke when I drive it."

My brother, aged six and a half. Even back then Charlie was already a handful, running wild in the streets, snatching wallets and peeking up skirts. He never did get any better.

I loved him, but I knew better than to dote. If he'd died on his own terms, bit through by exotic fish and drowning in tidal surf, or crashing over a cliff with a harem of screaming blondes, I could have taken any kind of crazy exit. It was his life to lose.

But my husband cheated him of that bright and burning death, gave him a two-bit piece of nothing in a back alley; and I wasn't going to stand for that.

5. "You're not one of the regulars here," Angel Eyes said to me, puffing smoke from his pipe like Alice's caterpillar. "I'd know you if you were. Which one did you bribe for that apron?"

"Cindy. She thanked me for it, she says she was glad for a day to look after her sick kid."

"She should have told me. I'd have arranged help." His dark eyes bored into mine, more remorselessly than any bullet; that would have brought relief and he wasn't going to promise any. "If it's a job, you take that up with Rose. I don't do house calls."

"I don't want you to kill my husband."

"No?"

"I want you to teach me how to do it." I took the knife out of the pink ruffled pocket. Charlie's knife, still encrusted with his own blood from when they'd given it to me. "So I can do it myself."

"...open the blade, stab, keep stabbing until either you're dead or he is. Easy enough if you don't care about getting caught."

"I want to know how to do it right."

Ask Angel Eyes, why that impressed him.

I'm content enough that it did.

2. "Listen," my sister said. "You need to learn this, if you're going to catch a husband some day."

Charlie and me and Daphne. All caught in each other's webs, all hating each other for the traps we lived by. "I won't be like you. I'll never be."

"You think putting on airs will bring you anything but misery? Shut up and listen."

Every afternoon for years, she drilled me until I could have run that bakery better than she did herself. How you bake pies, doughnuts, cakes, every kind of fat that ever broke a man's heart. Don't ever overcook a flan. Use a light hand with the salt, a little goes a long way.

She'd fought her way to a kind of stalemate with life after mother dropped off the map, flirted hard and married young. Looks like mine, smarts like mine, and she'd settled for a man who wanted nothing more out of life than his slippers and a newspaper.

If my husband had nothing else to recommend him, at least he had a hell of a lot more nerve.

5. "Hmm. So you did show up."

The second time we met at that diner, not the first; Angel Eyes told me to go home and think hard before I saw him again. I think he knew already that I'd never second-guess myself; but the man takes pride in his small courtesies. Frees him up for the grosser breaches, I suppose, he's far from the only one who believes in that. My husband for instance.

"As you can see." Not thank you, not, I'm so grateful. Not until he gave me something worth a pleasantry.

"End of shift, I imagine you're hungry. I ordered enough for two," Angel Eyes said. Pushed over a bowl heaped with piping hot chili, my favourite. He hadn't wasted any time checking up on me, to be sure. "We can eat and talk business."

"Fine." I crumbled in dry crackers, picked up my spoon.

"Stop."

Anyone else, they'd have grabbed my hand, seized my wrist, restrained me. All he did was steal my spoon.

Dipped it in the chili. Out came the expected redness, tomatoes and beans, violated by a blue speck that had no business being in there at all.

"This is what you're going to have to think about constantly, if you take this on. No movement anyone makes towards you will be safe. Ever again."

"Trust me, that's my life already." Not in the shape of pills, but expecting an undercover cop behind every stranger's face, listening to sirens and thinking they were coming for me. My bargain with the devil hadn't brought me enough pleasure for the pain. I wanted some of my own back.

He put the capsule on his own plate, burst it open with the tip of his knife. Took a bite of mushroom and steak and blue liquid, while I watched.

"Nothing more than food colouring. That's the second thing you're to know-- if I teach you; I'm never going to hurt you unless you expect it. You'll learn to face unexpected violence on your own terms, then you'll understand it." He handed back the spoon.

It wasn't what I was asking for. It was what I needed; and I had the sense to recognise that much.

"...so I'm to trust no one except possibly you?"

"Put in those terms, that's the same contract I was given."

"Agreed." I took my long-awaited bite. "You know, though, I might have spat it out anyway. This chili's not nearly as good as anything I could make."

"Remind me to bore you with my soup recipes sometime," Angel Eyes said, with all of an enthusiast's sincerely idiotic pleasure.

Looking back, he was going off-script right from the start.

7. "I suppose he's training you up, the same way he did me," I said to Manco.

He had a hideous way of biting into oranges, tearing away the rind with his teeth. Not an appealing habit for a man who cared so much how he looked and sounded. I'd never seen such concern for appearance before, paired to indifference such as that.

"Maybe not so much," Manco said, dropping peel into the trash. "I'll tell you honestly, Susan, it's- let's say I stumbled into this ass over tea kettle. I'm not good enough for it. I'll get myself killed if I push my luck any further."

"Why tell me? Angel Eyes is the one who ought to know."

"He's got more going for him than any man I've ever met," Manco said, shoving his face into the orange. Messy as hell. "I might be more afraid of disappointing him than dying, I don't even know."

Which is what I told Angel Eyes, when Manco up and fled on us the first time.

Seemed to help a little.

8. "Why can't you call him Angel Eyes like everybody else?"

"I do sometimes," Tuco said, yanking his feet up on the kitchen stool. Pulled himself close, arms wrapped around his knees, that's a dirty habit. Means more cleanup for me afterwards. "Didn't he say you were from Mexico City?"

"I was partly brought up there, yes." There and a lot of other places, but Mexico had been better than some; scant dollars had stretched a little further that side of the border. "What's that to do with it?"

"Then you should know about nicknames, it happens a lot. Something you do to people you-"

he stopped himself then, with a gulp. "Sorry. Sorry. I know you don't like me."

"You're fickle. I thought you were partnered with Blondie, why didn't you run off with him?"

"Maybe he thought I loved Angel too much to come along. I don't know I like it either, Susan, I'm scared. I miss Blondie. It feels like everything's spinning out of control."

"...look, why are you even in my kitchen?"

"That was a nice chili you made for lunch, only it was way too hot for me to eat and I'm starving, can I please have something else?"

All in a rush, like his hunger was what mattered here; when the thing he'd just completely passed over, taking it for granted, was that he could talk about love for Angel Eyes like it was an assured and settled thing. For an assassin. For the worst man I'd ever met, in terms of pounds of flesh and lives taken.

I knew my reasons for being there. He didn't seem to have a single one for staying in our house of death; and yet he was anyway, sunshine and Spanish and all.

So I fixed him up with a plate of warmed-over lasagna and retired to ponder, what the hell kind of universe spawned innocents like that.

9. "You'll be back, Angel Eyes."

"Not this time, I don't think." He ran the cleaner through his pipe, one last smoke before bed. One last smoke before he left, in short. "If nothing else, it'd be a shame to waste the effort. I haven't prepared my death in so much detail to pop back to life any time soon."

"But a priory? You'll be pacing the walls inside of six weeks."

"I'm doing that regardless, Susan." Pipe clean, he put it back on the stand; frowned at it reluctantly. "Suppose I'd better leave that. Rose will know damned well I faked it, if my favourite pipe goes missing the same time I do."

"I'll keep it as a souvenir. If it's safe enough, I'll see about sending it to you later."

"You're very practical, Susan," he said. Nearly grateful. "All these years, I've talked and you've listened. Listened better than I ever did."

"I won't ever make half the assassin you are."

"Maybe you'll be something better- I don't know, Susan. Alma taught me how to live, but those two have given me something to live for. Sentimental bastards- for the life of me," Angel Eyes said, picking up his hat. "I could not tell you whether I hope you'll find the same one day, or that you'll never get within fifty miles of this kind of hope."

"I had that and decided it wasn't worth it, remember? You'd better be sure about these two."

"Enough to take the risk."

"Good luck. But I'm not selling the house, all the same."

6. This is the last thing my husband said to me. "Honey, what's for dessert?"

I let him have the first spoonful of berry crumble, piping hot and perfect. Then he died.

That's all there is to say about that.

10. The hacienda was very quiet after that.

I shut it up. Stayed in my own place, the small apartment I'd paid for with my first year's wages. The kitchen wasn't so much, and the oven unreliable, but it sufficed; I had more important notions in mind.

My husband taken care of, I turned my attention to the system that'd let him flourish. Rose had kept a tight grip on his empire for years, but with Baker in jail, with his best assassin off the radar, there were signs of slippage.

He was on the lookout for traitors, of course, informers and whistleblowers. G-Men. Any kind of man who might want to seize what he had, and turn it to account for money or repute or a drive for justice.

What he wasn't looking for was me.

Just wanting to burn it all down.

11. Next time I saw Angel Eyes, it was another restaurant. Wrong side of the border, the chili still wasn't any good, and I didn't bother to ask who was picking up the check.

One of the boyfriends was slumped against his shoulder, the other was swigging orange juice like vodka. Angel Eyes spread his hands wide.

"I think you should know. I was always far more of a disaster than I let on."

"Uh huh," I said, not batting an eye as I reloaded the gun. "It figures, you hopeful maniac. These two treated you all right?"

"No. Yes. It's a bit past that point, Susan," Angel Eyes said, his face lined with exhaustion and pleasure. "I'm in love. The rest doesn't matter."

Like I said, he went off-script. Anything might have happened to the trio after that night.

(Even if I did know, I'm not telling you.)

3. “You’re pretty.”

“Sure.”

“You cook well?”

“Sure.”

“Ever dream of being a mobster’s moll?”

That’s all my husband had to say, to net me. I’m not sorry.

12. I still don't have anything that makes my life worth a damn. Not like Angel.

That's okay, though.

Before I'm done with Rose, a whole lot of other people are gonna feel just like me...

#70s au #the good the bad and the ugly #noir

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movedto-dazaipositive · 6 years

Text

one guess where this started. couldn't have done it without @taggianto 💜 you.

CW: rape and resultant pregnancy; severe self-worth issues; mentally ill character with wrong ideas about what constitutes mental illness.

so, I've got a running headcanon that Kent's mom is alcoholic and she has ptsd.

rape & pregnancy TW // she was raped in college and that's how she got pregnant with Kent. she kept him out of choice, but she loves him no matter what

but that doesn't change the fact that she has ptsd and for many years while she was working 3 jobs to keep them alive and Kent on the ice, and she had to get through somehow. so she drank at home

and she wasn't ever really there for Kent. she couldn't be, between drinking and working. does Kent resent her? I don't think so. I don't think he knew it was even an option until he met the Zimmermanns and Jack

and saw the way they behaved with each other. but he loves his mom and he'd do anything for her. it's why he sticks with hockey even when it hurts–his mom worked hard to get him where he is, and he can't let her down now

but she crashes around the time Kent is 16/17. she's no longer got Kent around to survive for, and it really messes her up. and Kent watches Jack and his mom crash and burn, up close and from afar, and it fucks him up

like, bad. he can't stop thinking that it was him, that he's the reason they're the way they are. that he's the only thing they have in common and they're both–the way they are, and it must be him. it must be Kent

jack's OD breaks Kent, pushes him over the edge of a cliff he was already clinging to with his fingertips. he shuts down completely and only surfaces to a) send his mom to rehab with his first NHL paycheck b) and play hockey

he withdraws completely. cuts himself off from human contact at the exact time he needs it the most. he spends his rookie year with the Aces Captain, Patty, his wife and their two kids, barely holding on to his humanity

it's a good thing the team forces Kent out regularly, because otherwise he'd turn into an Actual Hockey Robot. it's not that he isn't friendly with them–he plays beautiful hockey and laughs and chirps with the rest of them, but there's something off about it. he's skittish and awkward, and he gets this look in his eyes sometimes, like he survived something awful but not really.

like he isn't all there. they worry about him. he's too small and too good at hockey and he needs someone to watch out for him

the first year, it's the whole team. all how-many-ever of them, looking out for Kent on and off the ice. the second year, Jeff comes to them

Jeff is...good with Kent.

Jeff's been playing on the NHL for a couple years, got drafted third or fourth to the Seattle Schooners. he's a good teammate, dryly funny, chirps that take a second to sink in. he plays good hockey, not as good as Kent, but good.

but he seems to know, instinctively, what Kent needs at any given moment

Jeff drags Kent into being social and actually, y'know, forming meaningful connections with other people by giving Kent puppy eyes until Kent agrees to hang out with Jeff and teammate of the week

and Kent, horribly unused to being someone people want to spend time with and nearly incapacitated by loneliness after a year of next to no human connection, says yes every time

and Kent is a person? under that weird obsessive hockey robot exterior? he's fun to hang out with. he's even funny. he's a bit a total dork and likes helping people and he always knows a good place to eat

so people on Kent's team start to seek his company even without Swoops around and Kent goes ? but he doesn't like to let people down or say no

Kent is still like, messed up inside. he doesn't sleep well and there are a lot of days when he won't get out of bed of he doesn't have to. but he's still trying

except... he's not trying to be better at Humaning for himself. he's doing it for Jeff and the people who depend upon him to show up and entertain their kids for two hours so they can go on a date

the only thing that's changed is the manifestation of Kent's chronic self-sacrificing and the people who receive it.

and Kent is honestly trying really hard and overcompensating for a year of not being a good Human Person so he swamps himself in helping people and overworks himself

and it's Jeff that picks up the pieces of Kent's dumbassery. it's Jeff that calls people to let them know that Kent has the flu, no they haven't been to the doctor yet, yes he's mostly okay he's puking right now, so no he can't come and take care of your kids Patty find a fucking babysitter you're a millionaire jfc

(Patty is kind of a dick)

Kent: [in between puking] but I promised

Jeff: shut the fuck up

Kent's bedridden for almost a week. he misses two games, both of which the Aces lose

it's during this week that Jeff realises just how fucked up Kent is, because in the middle of puking his guts out and shivering under six blankets he still finds time to blame himself for everything that goes wrong in that week. e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g. it's not really Kent's fault, being sick pulls down all walls that keep him from airing the constant internal monologue of self blame and loathing, but Jeff calls his cousin Rashmi and has a slight breakdown

well, I say slight. he nearly cries

Jeff needs to talk about how much Kent is hurting and omg I never knew im a terrible friend eeeee

she tells him to a) calm the fuck down b) don't take this so personally, you can't help him if you think you're the one to blame, he's doing that already c) here's a bunch of helpful links on how to deal when you think your friend might be mentally ill

Jeff tries to be subtle about bringing up the 'you might be mentally ill thing'. Kent, however, is not dumb. he catches on to this really fast, and panics hard. his only experience with mentally ill folks is his mom and Jack, and they are not a good place to start–both addicts who've been unintentionally emotionally abusive to Kent. Kent draws the best conclusion he can with this data pool. the conclusion is I am a horrible person who will soon be drug addict and hurt the people around me, whoops time to Shut Down

Kent [shutting down] I am a horrible person that deserves nothing good, ever. Jeff: nO Kent: I can't hear you over the sound of my self loathing Jeff: N O

and Jeff does not know how to deal with a Kent who's gone straight back to rookie year levels of skittish I-am-a-virus-don't-touch-me. the team, on the other hand, knows perfectly well how.

or, at least, they know how they dealt with it. but they're hockey players, with the combined emotional intelligence of a nail clipper, and when they tell Jeff about it he's horrified. so he figures out his own methods–he sticks as close to Kent as possible while not overwhelming him, and he does his best to be Supportive

it is difficult to be supportive when the person you are Supporting does not want to be supported. so he does his research, and hits upon the perfect solution

he goes to the local pet shelter and asks for the most unlikely to be adopted kitten, because he knows that Kent has a soft spot for hopeless things

they give him a three month old Calico, blind and almost certainly headed to a shelter without a no kill rule

Jeff: ......I'll take it

Kent is baffled and enchanted. Jeff really thought it'd be harder to sell this to Kenny, but Kent's holding squirmy, curious little kit, already babytalking to her, asking her if she knows what a pretty princess she is, yes you are, aren't you and Jeff has a second where he thinks Oh, shit

bc this more humanity and interest than Kent has shown in almost a month, and then Kent is turning to Jeff to ask him questions about raising cats that Jeff didn't even know were a concern, but clearly this is making Kent happy, so Jeff gives him a book he'd picked up at the recommendation of the volunteer at the shelter, and drives Kent helplessly to the pet store and watches as Kent buys cat shit off Amazon

Kent doesn't realise she's blind, at first. kit (Jeff named her) has large golden eyes that are permanently dilated. Kent only figures out she's blind when he's sitting on the floor watching her toddle around, and she keeps walking into his outstretched legs. Kent calls Jeff in a panic, asking him if he knows what's with kit's eyes, and Jeff thinks I knew I was forgetting something

and then he explains the situation to Kent, and Kent reacts exactly the way Jeff expected him to–with a sudden fierce dedication to kit, even more so than ten minutes ago when he would have died for her

Kent cat-proofs his house–he pours a lot of time and money into getting everything exactly right so Kit needn't suffer more than necessary. he lavishes Kit with all the love he's capable of–and he's always capable of a lot more love than he thinks–and makes sure that everyone coming to his house knows that one move that frightens Kit is more than enough to get them banned

so Kent pours himself heart and soul into loving kit. he spends every second he isn't on the ice taking care of his beloved baby princess

and it's incredibly healing. he knows he has to get up in the morning and come back after runs (not walk into traffic) and that he has to get done on the ice so he can come back to her

there's a period of like, six months, where the only reason Kent does anything at all is because kit needs him to. and he won't let himself think about how Jeff could also maybe take care of her. he won't.

his mom's rehab clinic is expensive but ridiculously intensive and extensive. it's almost 14 months of rehab and therapy and relearning hire to be a person without addiction, as well as working through whatever led you to seek addiction in the first place

Diana Parson comes out of it changed. she feels more like a person than ever before in her life. she feels whole, healed still, but so much better

so she goes back home, and Kent is in Vegas depressed as fuck, and his mom is in New York living for herself, and doing things she loves, and discovering herself outside of therapy

she comes back home at a time when it's incredibly difficult for Kent to do even basic things like have a conversation. so all through the season, he doesn't visit her and he can't even summon up the guilt.

and her therapist tells her it's okay, that he needs time too. and she loves him and she gives him the time she needs, but she also decides that she's stable enough to foster a child

which goes well! Lydia is 7 and slightly untrusting but Diana has patience and love and she's been reading and she's financially stable and she has time (ask things she didn't have with Kent). she has time to ask Lydia how her day went. time to play and talk and do bonding activities with just the two of them

and soon enough she and Lydia love each other so much! and they have rough times but they get through it.

the season ends. and the aces lose. and Kent is probably even worse than before. and someone suggests that since the aces will no longer be in town to make sure that Kent buys groceries/stays a person, hey you should go visit your mom!

so Kent, depressed and hating himself, gets to watch his mom get her big second chance

and he tries do hard not to be bitter but it's killing him. he keeps wondering what his life would be like if he were Lydia. if he had a financially stable supportive mom. and he can't blame his mom so he blames himself

he blames himself for needing more than she could give him. because she did her best and she raised a pro NHL player and he doesn't have any right to expect more

and one night it gets so bad that drives himself to Jeff's place

this would be okay but Jeff actually lives in Canada

he's just. in this place where Jeff is the only person that Kent knows won't hurt him

and he's so, so tired

and Jeff, chilling with his family, suddenly has an armful of distraught sleep-deprived Captain

and he's just like ......sorry I gotta take this

Kent knows where Jeff lives bc he's been there at least once before

and Kent just. breaks down. he cries for hours. and Jeff can't do anything except drag Kent up to his room and cuddle him while he cries and pet his hair. Kent cries himself to sleep, but he wakes up with Jeff wrapped around him and there's like, 14 seconds where he just feels safe and good because Jeff's there and hugging him in bed so something somewhere must have gone right

anyway Kent wakes up and gets dressed with Jeff hovering gently over him, knocking into him once in a while to make sure he's okay

(like when cats wind around your feet because they're excited to see you. except they might trip you up. the issue w Jeff is that he is Big)

he finds his phone in some weird corner of his car and plugs it in. and finds out that he has 200+ missed calls from his mom

because his mom doesn't have the numbers of any teammates she can call and she's been so worried and he feels Horrible for Being This Way

so he calls her. and she picks up on the second ring and she's been having panic attacks and flashbacks for 4 days and she doesn't remember parts of her therapy

so she yells at him. and Kent is still way too fragile to handle this but he also has to do this? and he just. panics

mother-son bonding via hyperventilating to each other on a phone line

but Jeff gets so mad on Kent's behalf, and pulls the phone out of Kent's hand and cuts the call.

but then he feels guilty so he sends her a quick text message to let her know that Kent is safe and he'll call when he feels better

and the next few days are just Jeff hugging Kent and Kent wearing Jeff's clothes everywhere because he didn't bring his own

and when they kiss it's just so natural? Kent stops hiding how much he wants Jeff. it's too much work. and Jeff is close to Kent almost all the time. and they're so stupidly in love that Jeff's older brother walks into them making out against the kitchen counter and moon walks back out

they make out for so long that every member of Jeff's family sees them and walks back out.

#kent parson #parseposse #parsepositive #parswoops #swarse #lmao #that be #me #carysfics #omgcp #?????#p2 tag #original #i'm sorry about the lack of read more cut guys #tumblr hates me

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overbakedone · 6 years

Text

this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ��C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know.

thanks for listening i guess

#self #baking #life #thoughts

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emetoandotherthings · 6 years

Text

A/N: So @ocsickficsideblog is being super patient and amazing by collabing with me! (April you are actually the best! 💙). This is with her new boy Oliver, and my old boy Jack when he was still using. TW: Drug mention, also lil bit of omo. I hope you enjoy as much as I did writing it! 😊

When Oliver staggered home that evening after buying himself a meagre dinner of a stale pizza slice and on the turn meat from the reduced section of the supermarket, all he wanted was to lay down and sleep. You wouldn’t think it was very tiring, begging - after all, it’s just sitting on a street or in a doorway waving a paper cup. But it was mentally taxing; there was the humiliation, the people who berated you for being a layabout, and then the people who ignored you completely, staring through you like you were a ghost. Oliver almost preferred those who yelled at him. At least that reminded him he was alive, he was human.

So when Oliver staggered back to the squat to find some strange boy sprawled out on the mattress he claimed with eyes as big as dinner plates, he wasn’t happy. He nudged the boy irritably with the toe of his shoe. “Oi, you! Shift yourself! That’s where I sleep.”

The boy stirred, opening a bleary eye and looked up at Oliver. “An’ righ’ now it’s where I’m sleepin’...”

“No you ain’t. Move it or I’ll tip you off,” Oliver threatened. “What the hell have you been takin’? I keep tellin’ all the others that I don’t want anythin’ to do with that shit.”

“Jus’ - jus’ lay down beside,” he slurred, waving his hand slightly haphazardly. “There’s plen’y space… I’m - I…” He trailed off into nothing.

Oliver sighed irritably. He shoved the boy to the side and curled up beside him, not quite mean enough to tip him onto the floor, but not about to take the floor himself. “You’re an asshole.”

“Don’t I know it…” He mumbled, then Oliver saw him grimace. “Agh..”

Oliver frowned. “What?”

“Ach...nothin’...” He muttered, but he was shivering where he lay.

“You get used to the cold,” Oliver mumbled to him. That was a lie - or at least getting used to the cold took longer than the nine months Oliver had been on the streets, but it seemed like the right thing to say. Lies could be very comforting sometimes - at least for a while.

“I-know,” he shivered, his teeth chattering. “ ‘t’s not… it’snot…”

Oliver rolled over. “Are you alright? Really? You better not be OD-ing. I’ve seen a couple of guys go that way, fuckin’ scariest shit I’ve ever seen.”

“‘M not…” He opened his eyes, they were glazed over. “I don’t… I don’t know…”

Oliver propped himself up on one elbow, looking the boy over carefully. “Are you on the streets? What’s your name? I haven’t seen you around.”

“I’m… I’m…” He started, then seemed to crumple, his face screwing up, as he pushed himself up slightly. “I’m so stupid!”

Oliver frowned. “Whoa, hey. What’s goin’ on?”

“Oh god…” He sat upright and prompted swayed so badly that he fell against the wall with a large thump. “I dunno what I’m doin’ - why am I here? I…”

“Mate, chill. You’re alright,” Oliver said, rather flustered. “Look...you’re too well-scrubbed to be homeless. Let me take you home, yeah? Do you ‘ave family? Friends?”

“No…” He whined, clapping his hands to his face. “I fucked up… again!”

Oliver took hold of his wrists. “What’d ya do? Come on, mate, it can’t be that bad.”

“It’s - I jus’ always do… Jack the bloody fuck up,” he muttered, sagging down into himself.

“So you’re Jack,” Oliver said unhelpfully. “I’m Oliver. And mate, if you’ve got good friends, unless you’ve killed someone or fucked someone’s missus, they’ll forgive ya. And they wouldn’t want ya lying here off ya face in a squat.”

“That’s wha’ I keep doin’ wrong…” He moaned, running his hands through his hair and tugging at it harshly. Oliver tried to grab his hands again.

“Stop hurtin’ yourself! You mean you’re addicted? What’re you pushing?” He asked.

“Wha’ am I no’?” Jack didn’t seem able to keep himself steady, every time he pushed himself away from the wall he ended up sliding back down again.

Oliver held his shoulders tight, swearing. “You’re a fuckin’ mess. I’m takin’ you home.”

“No… I jus’,” Jack slurred a little. “Jus’ give me a minute, I’ll go…”

Oliver scoffed. “As if I’m lettin’ you go off alone!”

“I’ll - I’ll be fine,” Jack said. “I always am…”

“Bollocks. I’m comin’ too,” Oliver said stubbornly.

“You… You don’t have -” Jack slowed to a stop. Oliver frowned.

“What? You alright?”

Jack slumped forwards, his head was spinning and the room seemed to be following with it. He took a few short gasping breaths in, trying to make everything stop whirling around. Oliver swore again, gently pushing Jack’s head down so he was hanging over his lap. “Careful. Fuck, how much did you have?”

“I… I don’t know…” Jack’s voice was barely more than a whisper; his head was pounding so hard he could feel it in the back of his eyes. He felt shaky and cold all over. “I need… move…”

“You need to move?” Oliver asked, not understanding. “I don’t think so. Not yet.”

Jack swallowed hard, all of his insides felt like they were in a tight knot, and Oliver’s features seemed to be dancing about on his face. “ ‘m gonna be sick…”

That got Oliver moving. He leapt up at once, out of range, but he moved behind Jack and kept hold of his shoulders. “Look at the fuckin’ mess you’re in… This is why I don’t take shit.”

“I’m s-sorry…” Jack howled, trying with difficulty to crawl along the mattress to the end of the room where a patch of damp was growing up.

“Jack?” Oliver called, feeling slightly guilty. “Come ‘ere, would ya? Stay fuckin’ still.” He went over and gripped his shoulders again.

“I don’t - don’ wanna get sick on your bed,” Jack forced, his voice strained as his throat tightened involuntarily, and he bit back the heave.

“Doesn’t really matter. I can sponge it off okay. ‘Ere, you focus on the task at hand. Breathe when you can,” Oliver said, massaging Jack’s quivering shoulders.

“Oh..oh god,” Jack leant forward, his shoulders jerking as he tried to stop the heaves. “Hmmrrkk!” He retched dryly, then rubbed his hand across his chest. Oliver wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him steady.

“That’s it. Just spew it up, mate, you’ll feel better.”

“Ohh…” Jack groaned, closing his eyes and breathing in through his nose. “G’kkklluuuuuurrrggghhhh!” Suddenly Jack couldn’t breathe, his nose and mouth were full as a massive gush of liquid came flooding up from his stomach and splattering on the floor. He coughed and spluttered, his eyes watering as he tried to get a breath in.

Oliver cringed a little, looking away, but he rubbed between Jack’s shoulders blades. “Ugh - um, doin’ great.”

“Huh - sorry…” Jack mumbled, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, but he mistimed as his stomach gave another squeeze and another wave of puke deluged down his front.

“Shit, now you’re covered, mate,” Oliver said regretfully. “I’m definitely draggin’ you home after this.”

“Oh…” Jack said, looking down at himself almost in confusion. “Hmmmblllrruuuhhh!” Something was caught in Jack’s throat, he gagged repeatedly, unable to clear whatever it was; he felt light headed and the only thing keeping him upright was Oliver’s hands. “Hrrrk!” His stomach was still cramping, but now he felt something wet and warm dripping down his leg and when he looked down he could see a large damp patch from the crotch of his jeans spreading down his legs. “Fuck…”

Oliver didn’t notice at first, thinking he was just reacting to vomiting so harshly. It wasn’t until a puddle started growing across the grubby floor that he caught on. “Oh…”

“Hmmlk!” Jack retched dryly again, then muttered mournfully. “I - I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay, mate. Seen it before,” Oliver mumbled awkwardly, his pale cheeks pink.

“I didn't… I'm - ugh - sorry,” Jack flustered. “Thanks…”

“You can tie my jacket around ya waist. You empty?” Oliver asked.

“Yeah…” Jack wiped his mouth again with his dirty sleeve. “Shit I'm fucked Oliver… I didn't mean for this…” He sounded choked, emotional.

Oliver wasn’t great with tears either. “Hey hey, you’re alright. Ya can get cleaned up at home, yeah? Come on, ya need a warm place to sleep.” He tried to help Jack stand up.

Jack wobbled, steadying himself by putting his hand on the wall and looking precariously like he might be about to fall into the puddle of sick.

“Yeah,” Jack said, subdued. “You can too…”

Oliver slung Jack’s arm over his shoulder. “Where are we goin’ then?”

“I'm, I stay up by the uni,” Jack answered, his knees taking a bit of time to work again. “I'll - I'll direct. “

Oliver nodded, half-carrying Jack in the general direction of the university. He knew the area well; he knew the best places to sit and beg at each part of the day, he knew the places most likely to be monitored by CCTV, he knew the places where you could curl up in a doorway and usually be left alone.

“I’m up in here,” Jack mumbled when they drew close to the apartment building, but he hesitated, still leaning on Oliver. “God Blake’s gonna murder me…”

“That your boyfriend?” Oliver asked, pulling Jack along with him. “Come on, may as well grab ‘im by the horns.”

“Nah, my best friend,” he said, “he’s forever telling me to stop.”

“Well, I fuckin’ agree with ‘im,” Oliver said dryly.

“‘M sorry…” Jack mumbled. “Everyon’ does… I just can’t.”

Oliver sighed sadly. “I’m not gonna judge ya. Everyone has their demons. I don’t know you from Adam, I don’t know why you’re doin’ this. Come on, let’s go face the wrath of Blake.”

“Why you doin’ this?” Jack asked, frowning at Oliver.

“Doin’ what? Helpin’”

“Yeah… like, you coulda just kicked me ou’ and left me,” Jack shrugged. “Most people do…”

Oliver paused. “When I first ran off, I learned a lot, ya know. I’ve seen people do shit that would make ya sick. And I know ‘ow much a tiny bit of kindness makes ya feel better. Like the bloke who gives me chocolate and drinks for free, and he’s only got a little shop, he’s not even makin’ much. Or the old guy who always buys me a cup of coffee on Fridays when I’m beggin’ near the church. They don’t remember it, but I do. So that’s why I’m helpin’ ya. ‘Cause sometimes it’s all that keeps ya goin’.”

“You’re… you’re so nice,” Jack made this sound like it was unusual and Oliver gave a little chuckle. “It’s this door,” Jack pointed, fumbling in his pocket trying to find the keycard to let him in. “God, I can never ge’ my fingers to work…”

Oliver rolled his eyes at him. “Give it ‘ere, i'll do it.”

Jack handed over the card and Oliver waved it across the box, the light turned from red to green and the lock on the door clicked. Oliver pulled it open.

“I’m on t’ second floor,” Jack said, leading him over to the staircase. In the full glare of the flat hallway Jack could see the state he was in, his trousers still damp and vomit all down his front. Oliver practically dragged him up the staircase, letting Jack lead him to the right door and knocking loudly.

There was a pause, then the door creaked open and a pale face with a mop of curly brown hair peered out.

“Oh, fucking hell Jack,” the guy muttered, flinging the door wide and rushing out to support Jack. “Aiden! Aiden! He called over his shoulder into the flat. “Oh Jack! What’ve you done now?”

“It’s alright, mate. He’s not dying. He’s walkin’ and talkin’, makin’ sense. He’ll be fine,” Oliver said. “You’re Blake?”

“Yeah,” the boy nodded, half dragging Jack into the flat hallway as another red-headed boy emerged from one of the rooms. “Come in.”

“Oh… ‘S alright. I was just makin’ sure Jack got ‘ome safe,” Oliver said, looking flustered, but Jack’s hand shot out and grabbed Oliver’s jacket.

“Com’ in,” he said firmly, tugging him inside. Oliver had no choice but to follow, rolling his eyes fondly. He had to admit, the warm air in the house felt good when it hit his face. He looked around with a sigh, feeling a tug of melancholy. He’d stayed in any number of places in his life, posh places, poor places, flats and bungalows, tidy places, messy places - but none of them had felt like home.

Jack was sagging more against Blake, his eyes half shut and bleary.

“You brought him home, you're staying,” Blake told Oliver. “Aiden - come help, we need to hose Jack down.”

“Make sure he takes a piss before you put ‘im down to bed,” Oliver advised. “Don’t want ‘im wettin’ on your sofa. And put ‘im on ‘is side. But I guess you know that.”

“Oh yeah,” Blake nodded, “We're well experienced… Look - that room there is Jack’s, use it - I think I'll be up with him for a while.” He pointed to one of the doors, trying to tug Jack more upright.

Oliver hesitated. “Don’t you want me to ‘elp?”

“Nah, it's fine,” Blake shook his head. “I'm used to this.”

Oliver sighed and gave him a sad smile. He went and perched awkwardly on the sofa, peering at the photos, wondering why those guys trusted him to be left alone. He could have taken anything - and he was tempted too. But Oliver couldn’t do it, not to these guys. He’d just delivered their friend home, off his head and coated with vomit and piss. He wasn’t about to rob them too.

The door pushed open, and Blake reappeared, carrying a towel in his arms.

“Sorry, I didn't ask your name,” Blake asked.

“Oliver,” he said with a nod. “Don’t worry, I could see you were occupied with Jack.”

“Thanks for bringing him home,” Blake said. “I really appreciate it… Look, we'll be ten or fifteen minutes cleaning Jack up, then he'll sleep through with me so I can check on him. The shower’ll be free then, and just help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen, and use Jack’s bed… he bloody owes you!”

Oliver paused, considering. “You sure? ‘Ow’ed you know I needed a bed?””

“Positive,” Blake nodded, then he smiled. “Most people that ever bring Jack home, or contact us about him could do with a helping hand too - and I ain't meaning charity!” Blake put his hand up firmly. “Jack’s bloody lucky he's got folk… I know not everyone does.”

Oliver smiled wryly. “He’s bloody lucky he’s got you, let me tell ya. Okay, if you’ll ‘ave me, I’ll stay.”

“Honestly, you’re more than welcome!” Blake said genuinely. “Bed, shower, food, whatever - okay?”

Oliver couldn’t help but smile at him. “You sure you don’t want ‘elp with Jack? Wouldn’t be the first time I ‘osed someone off.”

“It’s not ours either,” Blake smiled, but he looked a little tired. “Aiden’s training to be a nurse, so he’s always the best at it. You chill…”

Oliver nodded. “Okay. Thanks, mate. Really, I mean it. This...sort of thing means a lot.”

“It’s no problem,” Blake headed to the door. “Absolutely none.”

#emeto #emeto fiction #emetophilia #ocs #original character fiction #puking #vomiting #omorashi #drug mention #Oliver #Jack #ocsickficsideblog #yooooo #collab

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kafkasgods · 3 years

Text

faaya

“We'll buy back our own harm with what is most dear to us.” ― Euripides, Iphigenia in Aulis

tw mentions of puke, suicide

Space. Faaya was buying herself space. That’s all it was suppose to be. Just time to sort out her feelings and reevaluate her priorities. Bentley’s confession had made her afraid. Being frozen under the drakon’s gaze had made her afraid. Dayn’s hospitalization made her afraid. Fear was power and Faaya was spiraling, powerless.

The text messages with Luke wasn’t suppose to go that route initially. She had already bought their gifts and she didn’t want the obligations of giving them to weigh on her while she figured things out. She’d give Luke his gift, let Luke give her gift for Bentley as his, and she could step away from the holidays easily. Then somewhere along the way, Faaya thought Luke was going to feel the way she pulled back eventually and she didn’t want to have another talk about it, so she’d let him down on her own terms. While he took it as well as she could expect, the guilt still lingered. Thumb on her screen, Faaya scrolled through the texts again as she sipped her hibiscus tea. Then, she swiped back to mull over Bentley’s texts.

“Faaya?” Glancing up from her phone, Adam got her attention from his seat at the bar. “Not working?”

He was Dayn’s friend, though Adam was a quiet person. She didn’t know him that well, but she had nothing against him either. “Not really. I had to come in to fix something. I’m just getting a drink since I’m here. You don’t visit these parts often.”

Adam lifted his shoulders and spoke only after a moment, changing the subject. “I heard you were with Rune. During the snow in,” he clarified. [6:01 PM] It took a moment for Faaya to remember. Right. Son of Ares. “Yeah, he saved my life and was blessed by your dad.”

“He saved you?” The slight surprise on Adam’s face didn’t really make sense for what Faaya knew of Rune, but she guessed she didn’t know him that well either. She was biased too, anyway. “What happened?”

“You can ask him if you’re so curious.”

“Probably not,” Adam answered, oddly honest. “He did okay though? He was alright?”

“As far as I can tell.” Ice clinked against her glass as she stirred it.

“Alright, thanks.”

A simple guy, Adam paid and left, leaving her with half a glass of her drink left—A light shone from the ground—And his phone, apparently. Faaya was not a nosy person, she didn’t think, but seeing Dayn’s name across the screen along with hers in the message made her curious. He was typing something, but she scrolled up to get some context. [6:03 PM] Dayn Thompson: yea faaya came by once

Dayn Thompson: she was my emergency contact

Dayn Thompson: im changing that to you btw

Adam Hudson: so my phone’s never gonna stop ringing huh

Adam Hudon: how’d that go

Dayn Thompson:

Dayn Thompson: it was weird though

Dayn Thompson: i told her about siding with athena and that was fine but then she started crying and idk it made me super uncomfortable

Dayn Thompson: like were not dating and even if we were we just never did that stuff really

Dayn Thompson: i wouldnt want to start now

Adam Hudson: you guys dated for awhile. wouldn’t that come up

Dayn Thompson: yea but she kept that shit to herself and that was better

Adam Hudson: you sound like a dick

Dayn Thompson: hey if actually loved her then maybe i might feel different but not the case man

Dayn Thompson: yea id definitely handle it better if i like really really cared about them

Dayn Thompson: and faayas just not soft like normal girls it just doesnt look good on her

Adam Hudson: if you didn’t like her why do you keep getting back together

Dayn Thompson: because she lets me ig

Dayn Thompson: its just super easy to get back with faaya if i feel like it [6:03 PM] At some point reading the messages, her heart had dropped. Every fear she’d ever had about Dayn was true and Faaya felt sick. Deep down, she’d always known she was just some play thing for him to pass the time with. There was too much going on around her now. The music, the laughing, the dancing, the lights. She had to get out, it all felt too small. After dropping Adam’s phone off in the lost and found, she drove back home, feeling a numbing in her arms and legs.

Stumbling out of her car, she wanted to hurry up to her apartment so she could throw up the rock in her stomach . The drive had only made her feel sicker. But of course, it wasn’t over. Because there was Bentley standing by her building with his jaw locked and an unfamiliar anger set in his brow bone. It didn’t get better when he saw her approaching.

“Bentley, I told you I didn’t want to talk.” The strength in her voice wasn’t there. Maybe he’d try again later.

“You weren’t going to reply again.” It was true. “Check your phone, Faaya.”

There was no room to argue, so she did so gritting her teeth. A message from Luke with his Christmas gift to her. Why did everything have to be so hard and hurt so much? It was like there was bright and happy future that was out of reach, but beckoning her towards it. The problem was, it just wasn’t possible—Bentley was fragile. Luke was sensitive. And Faaya was afraid. Always afraid. She just didn’t realize how much until now. [6:04 PM] “What do you want me to do? Say sorry and go on the trip with you guys?” Faaya asked exasperated.

“I want to know why you thought it was a good idea to get Luke involved in this. Your problem is with me.”

“Luke’s in the middle of our problems whether we like it or not. I told you I needed space from you. I don’t know how long that is. Luke was bound to read the room eventually and I’d rather have it now than later.”

“Well that’s nice of you, Faaya. It’s super mature and thoughtful.” The sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed. “You know, you’re a real arsehole. I’ve bitten my tongue about it for years because yeah, sometimes the pros outweighed the cons and I used to think, you know what, ‘yeah Phobos made her like this.’ But we’ve reached the point where it’s all just you and it’s inexcusable.”

The onslaught from Bentley was harsh and only filled with truths. It left Faaya speechless.

He continued. “I can’t believe I told you I wanted to kill myself and instead of giving a shit about me, you’re just worried about how it makes you feel. You’re scared about living in a world without me? About caring too much? About you not being enough for me? Well it’s all true and it’s all your own fault.” Bentley was breathing hard, getting it all off his chest. A fist was clenched at his side and his scolding glower was burning holes into her. “You’re a bad friend, Faaya. You’re a worse person. I wish we’d never met. You’re not someone meant to have friends. You don’t have the heart for it.” [6:04 PM] “No, I don’t, Bentley.” Faaya’s eyes narrowed on him as she crossed her arms. As true as it was, attacks were the only thing she knew how to handle. Efficiently and devastatingly. “So don’t bother me again and I won’t bother you.”

Brushing past him, Faaya didn’t feel so sick anymore. She didn’t feel anything, and she wouldn’t. Bentley was right. Certain and solid, Faaya just wasn’t meant to care about anyone else, but herself. It was what she defaulted on anytime the choice had to be made. Siding with Ares had been for her own control. Stealing her biological mother’s abilities had been her own rage. Everything Faaya did was with herself in mind. Being vulnerable had only lead to suffering to her and those around her. There was no reason to fight it now that was clear. [6:04 PM] [ SCENE CHANGE ]

“My kid’s not that much of a bad influence.”

“Bad or not, he was still too much of an influence.” Phobos rolled his shoulder. It’d been a very productive afternoon. “Faaya doesn’t really do well being held back by shit like that.”

Deimos raised a brow. “She can’t be a ‘real natural’ if you have to get involved with her life so much.”

Phobos scoffed, shaking his head. “That’s what parents do, don’t they? Make sure their kids doing the best they can? Faaya wasn’t gonna get anywhere if I left her to her own devices. Besides, I let her have her fun. She’s gotta grow up now. Childhood friends have gotta go. Fuck sentimentality. And I’m bored of the Dayn phase. He’s with Athena now anyway. We just don’t need any of the useless shit.”

Kids always liked making their own mistakes and Phobos let Faaya make those for awhile, but she was better than that and she needed a little push. She’d already been fearing everything he’d showed her, he was just hammering the nail on the head.

“And have you considered the stars of your horror show making a real appearance and countering the events of all your hard work, Phobos?” Deimos asked feigning disinterest, but the slight curl to his lip said otherwise.

“Maybe if you spent more time with your children, you would know them better. Faaya really is a daddy’s girl.”

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drferox · 6 years

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20 Questions with Dr Ferox #23

Whelp, time for another blast of 20 questions and comments from the inbox. If you were brave enough to use your username I’ve tried to tag you (Thanks Tumblr) but if you were on anon, you’ll have to look yourself.

Would you folks be interested in me answering these sort of short questions in a video instead? Let me know in the replies. Now here we go!

Anonymous said: do u play mobile games on your phone, like animal crossing pocket camp? :O

No, should I? I haven't heard much about it.

@trisaratops45 said: Dr. Ferox, First off I just started following your blog and love it! I'm stuck using mobile so I can't see your faq information. I was just wondering if the clinic you work at sees any exotic or pocket pets? Of so what is your favorite to see and treat? Thank you!

Welcome! We don't see a huge amount of exotics at my clinic, we're not well set up for them, but ferrets are probably my favorites.

Anonymous said: do you follow any medblr blogs? and if you do, are you ever like 'thank goodness i don't have to deal with that' or 'man i wish it was that easy'? question tax: what is your favorite depiction of dragons from fantasy media

I actually had to go check which blogs I was following. No active medblr blogs in the list anyway. I often see real clients, in the flesh, and think 'Im glad i don't have to deal with that', especially when they describe to me their own gross medical problems as though I want to know exactly what's coming out of their orifices. All dragons are good dragons. I don't think i could pick a favorite.

@the-noble-banana said: What style of nail clippers are best for trimming a cat's claws?

Whatever you're comfortable with. I like these ones

Anonymous said: Do dogs get acne? Is that a thing? Just curious! Question tax: if you could shoot something out of your finger, what would it be?

They can get comedones with certain hormonal conditions (black heads) and can get pimple-like lesions with skin infections. I would shoot icy cold water out of my fingers. Great for hot days, and for stupid faces.

Anonymous said: Do you typically bandage and cover amputations? At the vet I worked at (I was only kennel so everything I saw was in passing) every animal who had limb amputation left after a day or two with the incision fully bandaged. My dog had her hind leg amputated and the vet (different one) had her in and out in under three hours and sent her home unbandage. Just out of curiosity is it case by case that you decide to bandage? Gave my mom a little heart attack seeing her all bloody and swollen

We might but a light dressing over them, but in an amputation of anything more than a toe there's often not much to bandage. Limb amputations are typically very high up the limb in dogs and cats and it's hard to bandage something in that position. Also, sometimes dogs eat the dressing.

@crimsonrose95 said: I'm not vet med, but I am into chemistry and physical sciences and the ask talking about chemistry being inconsistent is so weird a thought to me. Biology is way less consistent than chemistry like chemistry is mostly math with elements and compounds while biology is mostly names. It's just really interesting how most people start to think a science they don't like and have trouble in is just the science being completely inconsistent to them. Me included.

I get what you mean. Chemistry has a fairly distinct set of rules, even if they're rules you've not encountered outide of chemistry before. I was never a fan of physics, but it is consistent. Biology likes to bend rules. Life finds a way.

Anonymous said: Why does my cat yell when I try to use the bathroom alone? Question tax: what's your favorite thing about Australia?

Possibly he thinks you need moral support? Or that there's demons in there. My favorite thing about Australia is our universal healthcare system and gun control.

@foxtrottarts said: How common is dewclaw removal in dogs, and what are the benefits/downsides?

Hind dewclaw removal is relatively common at the time of deseing, if they're the sort that flop all over the place and lack a boney attachment. Front dewclaws are usually left, unless removed for a medical reason. I've written about it before here. https://drferox.tumblr.com/search/dewclaw

Anonymous said: Can a dog still have the MDR1 gene if they have never reacted to those drugs in the past (lets says a dog that has regular flea prevention of selemectin)

If the dog has only had a popular flea product containing selamectin but has never had ivermectin, yes they could still have it. MDR1 dogs typically don't react to that product, nor do they react to the annual heartworm injection.

Anonymous said: Hello, I had a question as google only takes me but so far, and the results were iffy at best since it's difficult to locate a vet or someone in a position who would know the answer. How much of a danger is animal or human saliva to pet birds? Some people say kissing the bird, or having another pet such as a dog lick/groom them is an issue, but I'm just lost on if any is true, and would love to find the answer. Thanks a ton in advance since it's all pretty confusing.

It is a potential issue. Carnivore saliva contains many bacterial species that can be devastating to birds or other mammals even through relatively small abrasions. Carnivores should not be permitted to interact with prey species and birds. Cats are especially risky because they're so pointy and because they effectively coat themselves in saliva when grooming. You can find some more information here.

Anonymous said: Hi Dr. Ferox, we recently had to put our cat down due to health issues. We're pretty sure he had FIP as the last week of his life he had every symptom but one. A website we saw said the virus can live in the environment for weeks afterwards and I was wondering if you knew any sort of approximate time. We aren't ready for another cat yet but occasionally foster a kitten and don't want to bring one into the house and have it get sick

I typically reccomnd 4 months, and replacing bedding, litter trays and food dishes. While you are probably fine with 3 months, given the incurable and devestating nature of FIP (Feline Infection Peritonitis) I prefer to err on the side of caution.

@kumoi-no-hikari said: I got a couple rats a few months ago and the lady I bought them from mentioned that most vets don't know much about rats and will probably do more harm than good unless the situation is extreme. Is that true? They haven't had any issues, but I'm worried about traumatizing them or wasting money if they ever have a problem.

Some vets will certainly be better equiped or more interested in treating rats than others, but you'll only know if you call around and ask them. If they're not keen on seeing rats, they might know somebody who is. I think saying 'most vets don't know X' is unfair when you look at the diversity of vets in the world. Call around, plan for the worst ahead of time.

Anonymous said: Do you know how taxidermy works? I plan this route for my cat when she's passes, do I have to contact them before the body stiffens or position her first?

No idea. But I would contact them well in advance incase they have waiting lists or something. But I would think very carefully about whether taxidermy of a pet is something you definitely want.

Anonymous said: Hey there! What’s your favorite brand of stethoscope?

The Littman is what I use and have been very happy with my Classic II.

Anonymous said:Our poodle mix loved grabbing a mouthful of food then running to the living room to eat it - not necessarily to be near us, he just would eat over carpet. Sometimes we'd rearrange the living room so it wasn't a direct shot from the dining room and he'd still run around the furniture to eat there. He also once pooped one piece on each stair when we were gone all day for some unfathomable reason.

There is so much that could be going on there, but since you didn't seem to ask a question I'm not sure what you'd like me to say.

Anonymous said: On the topic if dog eating things they shouldn't. A shitzu swallowed the end of a large chew bone whole and when she puked It up it was about the size of my fist.

Little dogs often seem to overestimate what they can safely eat. Westies seem to be the worst for this though, and are a common breed to see for stuff getting stuck in their oesophagus.

Anonymous said: About people thinking vets are scammers, my family was so bad with this when I was a child. I remember I had a sick kitten, I was around 8, it had some lung issues and I begged and cried to vet it and my dad said "pray really really really hard to God every hour, and maybe he'll bring a miracle!" and the cat died the next day :( I get so LIVID when people refuse taking their pets to vets for stuff that cannot wait. Makes me wanna slap those people senseless!

Your Dad sounds like a lazy asshole and a cheapskate. Even if god existed, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate being dialed up for a miracle like a pizza delivery.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that i recently adopted an older orange tabby cat (dsh) and he is large. like not just fat (which we are working on), but unusually tall and long. like. maine coon size. he has so far used his size to swipe bacon off a kitchen counter and remain an effective roadblock. he's very calm and sweet, i love my big fat baby.

Congratulations on your new addition! I'm sure your big orange boy loves you back too.

@mise-en--place said: Thought you might appreciate this. We got records on a cat today and on a previous visit they stated; "BCS 5/9. Cat appears to be about 7lbs through the gloves and towel." We got a good laugh, cat was actually quite calm for her visit.

I received a history for my old cat Dippa who had once very badly bitten this other vet that only said "Appears healthy in cage. Vaccinated in cage. Dr Ferox is welcome to come and perform a dental on her own cat any time she likes." I took that to mean "I'm not touching this hellbeast. You deal with her."

#20 questions #dr ferox #veterinarian #vetblr #animal death #death #pet death #taxidermy

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nurseydexunsolved · 7 years

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QUICK AND DIRTY BREAKDOWN OF ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES:

This post is multifunctional: in fanfic with college aged characters, many of y’all are in highschool and have never been drunk, so you inadvertently make some choices that make anyone who has ever been drunk laugh.

BUT ALSO: i had never been drunk until summer after senior year. I didn’t know what to expect, but I got to test my limits around people I trusted, and that’s not always the case. It’s a new school year, and I don’t want you freshies accidentally drinking way more than you should and getting in trouble, getting alcohol poisoning, or even just puking on your dorm floor, because that shit is nasty. SO STAY SAFE AND RESPONSIBLE, BUT USE THIS INFO TO HELP.

(disclaimer: i am a 5′5 under 150lbs 19 year old girl with low to med alcohol tolerance. If you/your character is, say, a 6′2, male 200lb frat guy who drinks vodka like water, scale up accordingly)

this got long so it’s under the cut:

SHOTS:

1-2 shots: feeling nothing

3 shots: maybe feeling something? maybe just a placebo

4 shots: I’m fi–oh wait, i just stood and the ground moved. ok, maybe i’m almost tipsy. Starting to feel loose.

5 shots: definitely in the tipsy zone. feeling good. stumbling but not falling. whatever Kind of Drunk you are, here is when it starts to appear

6+ shots: I have not definitively documented these, because I am good at knowing my limits. Some people are not. Basically just looser and looser, easier to laugh, more outgoing, etc. But from what I hear, tipsy is the feel-good zone, and then you want to feel even more good so you drink more and then you hit Too Drunk and it’s a downhill slide into FeelingLikeShitville

SHOT BREAKDOWN IN OTHER DRINKS:

jungle juice/tub juice: this varies based on recipe, but i would say it is USUALLY one shot per drink. Sometimes they amp it up to two, but guys. Alcohol tastes like shit. If you want it to taste okay, you’ll need way more parts kool-aid/hawaiian punch/orange juice than alcohol. So please, for the love of god, do not have your adult male college student take one sip of a “mysterious concoction” and start making poor choices immediately. He’ll need, like, 3 cups min before the bad choices start rolling in.

wine/beer: what you see as the usual serving size is typically equivalent to one shot, but it’s more liquid, so takes longer to drink and therefore longer to get drunk.

OTHER:

CHASERS: when you’re taking a shot of vodka, tequila, fireball, whatever, it can be hard going down. So you’ll have people using “chasers” like lemonade, sweet tea, sprite, etc. You’ll either drink it right after the shot or right before and then after the shot.

DIFF ALCOHOL TYPES: different types of alc affect you differently. For example, tequila and beer make me nauseous, so I avoid those. My friend says when she’s “wine drunk” it’s different from being regular drunk. Mixing alcohol types as well (like beer and liquor, etc) can make some people sick. Quick list of some types/brands of alc: tequila*, vodka*, wine*, beer*, champagne, cocktails(margharitas, mimosas, etc), whiskey* (usually, especially for college students, this means fireball, which tastes like those shitty cinnamon candies your grandma always had out and feels like an actual warmth in your chest). There are more but I’m a gross college student and * are most common for me

HANGOVERS: i have never had a hangover bc even while drunk im an overthinker, and after every drink i have a drink of water, and this has staved off every hangover. Also, it makes you pee a lot, and peeing at a house party is An Experience

EFFECT OF ALCOHOL:

there are “types” of drunk, and they often mix together including but not limited to: Chatty Drunk, (me. i cant shut the fuck up. every thought i have exits my mouth. this is less embarrassing and more tedious, since most of my thoughts are inane and boring) Sleepy Drunk (my best friend. It is important to know if your friend is sleeping or passed out: one is an effect of alcohol, one means they are literally dying and should be taken to a hospital) Annoying/Loud Drunk (this is obvious) and Horny Drunk (my other friend is notorious for pointing to a guy and being like “I am going to fuck him” and then I have to physically drag her away and call an uber, despite also being drunk)

Another friend will, without fail, Every Single Time put on “Break Your Heart” by Taio Cruz, and proceed to play her 2010 playlist. Drunk people have reliable quirks and do weird shit. idk man, but usually people will know exactly what kind of drunk their friends are, and prepare.

I’m sure I’m missing stuff and I don’t actually drink a whole lot so if anyone has anything to add, PLEASE DO. Also, if y’all want a part two I can talk about house parties or other college shit

if you’ve been bothered by this kind of stuff or made these mistakes in fic or if you just wish you’d had this knowledge PLEASE REBLOG: i never really saw accessible info like this because the only info about alc i ever saw was like “ONLY EVER DRINK TEENY SIPS ONCE YOU ARE 21 BC ALCOHOL IS BAD” and that’s just not helpful

#omgcp #college #nurseydex #holsom #zimbits #yes im tagging a bunch of omgcp ships bc they tend to do this a lot #this is not a callout this is meant to be educational #my ask is always open!! if you have any question #however dumb u feel please ask

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