okay :)) so i have thoughts on each member of tall line in a trad relationship🤭🤭 and obvi this is all fictional and im making it a lil toxic here and there cuz im sick in the head but i’ll try to be chill😶

so i feel anton would be the most relaxed out of the 3. he wouldn’t expect you to do all that much for him while he’s away at work, but he does expect you to be ready for him when he gets home<333 and by that i mean of course u have a free use agreement and u should expect that every night after work he wants u to pleasure and take care of him<333 he loves if u suck him off obediently before he’s even undressed after work, tugging his slacks down and palming him through his boxers while he loosens his tie and shrugs his dress jacket off🤤🤤 he’d love u to take a bit of control by tugging on his shirt or tie to bring him in for a kiss after bringing him to completion with ur lips, crawling into his lap and grinding against him<333 but he’d quickly flip back to using you when he’s ready, flopping you onto your back on the mattress and (if ur good! eating u out<3 otherwise,) stripping you off ur panties and taking u in missionary, he might flip positions but he’s likely just going to fuck into ur cervix repeatedly until you cum once, twice, he’s going to fill you up with his cum multiple times until he’s tuckered out :( falling asleep with his fingers shoved inside ur poor abused cunt to keep his cum from leaking out :(((

eunseok overall would be soo sweet to u :) he’d always be caring and attentive enough to bring u home gifts most days, showering u with flowers n chocolates all the time even if for no special reason other than that u are his queen <33 in return he wild expect u to always have dinner ready though n be on top of household chores n laundry and all that .. so if u weren’t, he’d probably give u a warning the first time, the second time maybe folding you over his lap in ur bedroom to give you a round of spankings hoping that will teach u ur lesson :( and atp u still haven’t learned!! maybe he’d fuck you against the sliding door of ur sunroom for the whole neighbourhood to see how bad of a girl you’ve been :((

and i left sungchan for last cuz he’s always rotting my brain. he’d maybe be somewhere in between anton and eunseok, wanting to be taken care of some days and other days wanting to take care of u, whether that’s as a reward for u or as a punishment for ur behaviour :( on one hand, he could be mean and hold you down on his cock, not letting u move ur hips or anything, just letting you warm him while you babble n cry cuz u need more friction :(( telling u if u weren’t such a dumb slut then he wouldn’t have to do this to u :( you should’ve done the chores he asked u to and not fallen asleep in the middle of the day, silly girl :( or he’s eating u out and worshipping ur body, calling u the sweetest names because u are his princess and he would die for u :) would mark u up even though it’s not like u leave the house and anybody else ever gets to see u :( would buy u slutty little lingerie fits to wear all day n to think about him and get all needy and flustered to be ready for him when he gets home<333

Girl that was exactly what I needed 😭

With Anton I imagine more a trophy wife than anything. You don't even have to lift a single finger, he'd tell you to get help if you need it, and if not, he also leaves the option there. He wants you to be always fresh, because like you mentioned, he has a free use rule, and that's the only job he'd ever ask you to do in his (your) house.

With Eunseok I can't help but imagine a perfect wife. He likes to eat out, but there's nothing like your packed lunches, and he loves that when he gets home, he shows you his empty Tupperware and then goes down on you to say thanks. However, like you said, he expects you to do all the house chores, and if you don't, better get ready for punishment. He loves to shower you with gifts when you're good, and he loves to punish you when you're not. There's simply something so satisfying in seeing you beg for his forgiveness, all blushing and tearing because the punishment he chooses is dirtier and dirtier every time.

Sungchan is a mix of the other two. He's sweet, telling you to not overwork yourself and get some help, but also telling you to iron and choose his clothes every morning before work. Oh, and you better don't forget his herbs and smoothie for breakfast!

I believe that with him, it also depends a lot on how his day's been. Anton, even if it's been a bad day, arrives home and finds immediate comfort with your presence. Eunseok, when he's had the worst day, only has to tell you that he really wants to get home for you to have his bath ready, his dinner on the table and an apron over your body with nothing inside. Sungchan, on the other hand, needs to take that bitterness out, making you feel his stress with each thrust and forced orgasm, punishing you even if you've done nothing wrong or you've been sweeter than normal with him.

God, I really want to be their stay home wife and forget about everything else in the world.

Hc idea: crew member reader being recruited for jackass, and what made the boys decide you should join the show individually?

jackass hc's!

thank you for requesting! <3

this was kinda hard to write because i really had to sit down and think (i even used my friend for help, thank u ry lol <3), but it was fun to write too! i'm sorry if it's bad/not exactly what u hoped for but i hope u enjoy it anyways!

i also decided to do more members than last time, but it still might be a bit short. anyways, lets get into it!

johnny knoxville

your pain tolerance

like i’ve said before, i feel like knox is more of a “walk it off” type of guy, so when he sees how you can just deal with pain, i think he’d be impressed!

hes also like…the boss of everything tbh so even if he liked u a lot and everybody else was meh, you’d get the part LMAO

i could def. see some duo skits with absolutely crazy things since you both deal so well with pain LMFAOO

bam margera

he’s known you from the past

OKAY LISTEN

IMAGINE YALL SKATED TOGETHER IN LIKE 00-03 ISH

AHHHHHH

and hes all talking big game all like “oh yeah i know this one amazing chick”

and they’re (the boys) r all skeptical like “hmmm :|” but hes PERSISTENT.

“no no fr shes funny she can do anything shes good at skating” LMAOO CUTEEE

steve-o

your willingness to do things

okay like imagine this

u walk into the audition or whatever and they make u do any stunt from previous jackass media, and ur like “cool great” AND THEN DO THE GOLDFISH STUNT?!?! (pls go see that if u havent)

STEVE-O WOULD BE BAFFLED LMFAOOO

he’d legit just be like “holy shit dude”

IN THAT RASPY VOICE PLSSSSKSJSHFBRJENW

anyways…he’d just be so shocked and like would talk to the other guys “omg we gotta get this person on here”

would even try to get u on wildboyz maybe ;P

chris pontius

your looks

this is maybe my weakest point but let me explain

pontius see pretty person

pontius like pretty person

pontius want pretty person on show

(you are very good looking)

LMAOOO IDK I THINK IT WOULD WORK

esp since u look so good u could do like party boy stuff AHAHAHAHAH

2 devils in california >:) OMFGGG

ryan dunn

your overall personality/friendliness/boldness

I GOTTA EXPLAIN THIS ONE OK OK

so basically i think like ryan is so super chill right and he just is always kinda being dragged around right

so i think he would like someone like bam! that is bold yet kinda friendly (of course ur friendler than bam LMAO) and would be a big help on the cast

i think ryan would just want someone that could entertain him tbh LMAOOO

i just think he’d be super chill with anybody, like a “if everybodys happy then im happy” situation LOL

dave england

your patience/responses

i feel like in some skits dave is always like “is that good? yeah?”

so like maybe at first hes a little iffy on if he wants u around

but then you’re always like “that was hilarious!” or “that was so awesome!” and he appreciates it!

i think it would make him like u more teehee

danger ehren

your knowledge of painful things/dangerous acts

okay since he is “danger ehren” of course

i think if you were always there being caring, he would love it and really want you on the cast

you’re always standing by with medical equipment IM SOOOOOO NFEJWQJK

i can even imagine at some points ur like “nuh uh ur not doing that” and hes panicking cuz he doesnt know if he should or not

CUTEEE ISH <3 :P

hehe🤭🤭 ok well it’s might be mostly repeating some of what u said cuz i went insane🥴😵‍💫😵‍💫 over the idea of wonjin writing u nastier and nastier notes so u won’t share them anymore with ur friends /pos

but i think of this as like on a college campus setting (like american college movie type of shit) but if stalker pervert wonjin became pervert boyfriend? wonjin.. and he’s got the same antics but he just goes even further with it now that he’s claimed u as his<333 is the crowd with me?

like idk like sexting u from the back of the lecture hall, sending u the nastiest things maybe he’s even gross enough to pull his cock out where he’s sitting in the last row of seats and take a pic for u<33 how sweet and then it’s driving u even crazier to know that it would take maybe 10 steps to get to him and fuck him but u can’t!!! unless…

he’d find a way to have the same lab time as u, would sit next to u at those silly rectangular shaped tables (bear with me here) but like it’s open in the middle?? like he’s fingering you under the table while the professor asks u to discuss with ur seatmates about whatever topic ur learning about but no one can see him touching u cuz of the angles BUT ur just expected to participate and ask questions while he’s knuckle deep in ur pulsing cunt??? and don’t think about staying quiet/sitting this one out, or you’ll lose ur attendance mark for that week :)

studying in the library more like getting railed in one of those private study boxes time🤭🤭 don’t worry they’re soundproof!! but there is a little window through which anyone walking by would just see ur head bobbing up as u bounce on wonjin’s cock and if it gets too heated (literally) maybe the glass will start to fog up oops! i just love the idea of a rendezvous somewhere like a library i think wonjin would also love telling u to keep quiet even whilst he’s speeding up his thrusts, would find the least visited section and fuck into you from behind, pressing u into the books, keeping his clothes on as much as possible so if someone were to walk by it might just look like he’s really helping u look for something hehe

also just wonjin being super possessive and if anyone attempted to flirt with u he would sabotage their chances but it can go one of two ways, either he finds a way to humiliate them, framing them for plagiarism whoops now they don’t even go to the same uni anymore how will they flirt with u!? or humiliating u.. i could see him scaring guys away from u by planting condoms in ur bag, kicking it over as he walks past wow now the guy hitting on u isn’t interested anymore after 30 condoms just fell out of ur purse🥲 but it’s okay, u don’t need anybody else because dating wonjin is enough excitement for one person😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

hope this wasn’t too crazy.. like in a negative way.. um also idk what came over me and why i wrote it in this style but yeah :) 👍🏻

- 🧁 anon

this was too crazy IN A POSITIVE WAY HELLO ????

wonjin whos such a sluttt for exhibitionism he always takes it a little further than the last time ☆_☆ it starts with casually putting a hand on ur thigh everytime u r sitting next to him n sending u nasty texts (n maybe ,, before going straight to dick pics ,,, just pics of his bulge bc he knowsss it drives u crazy) while u r in class , n then it just keeps getting worse (/pos) !!

just ,, omfg bf wonjin who was such a subby loser when u first started dating but the more comfortable (n possessive) he gets through ur relationship the more he takes the chance to dom u (n make u pay for all the shit u made him go through before u got together)(as if he didnt get off from it bc he liked being lowkey humiliated by u not acknowledging his existence)

this probably made no sense im sorry /(_-_)\

ramble about my aromantic tendencies cuz im all. confused im SURE theres a word for this i just think im not ready??? i think like. not in a personal way, in a PHYSICAL way like something needs to change before id ever CONSIDER IT, makes me sick otherwise like theres so many things!! so many hurdles and stuff that would deter me from all that nonsense but i still like the idea of it like the idea is so sweet, its why i enjoy it so much in fiction but. in execution? IDK MAN.. freaks me out for so many reasons

romantic love is so cute bro like. its genuinely adorable to me, i love listening to love songs and just feeling the emotion and passion behind all the words, but ummmmmmm. i think realistically im capable? i just think that any attempt wouldnt go well, i dont think i can give someone what they might need, its always been like. okay 1. im going to be OBSESSED with you ill do anything you say ill let you mistreat and abuse me ill do anything for you okay which is not ideal!! not ideal, made for bad people dont want bad people. but?? on the other hand its also like i cant imagine loving another person more than i love my friends, but thats whats expected of me isnt it? i think they wouldnt like it very much if i had an equal amount but like. is it even possible? I REALLY DONT KNOW.. i know ive said it before, i just feel like. love, not platonic not romantic just LOVE pure unlabeled love. what kind of treatment would i give to a partner that i dont already give to my friends? itd go really wrong there im sure, i dont wanna hurt anybody yknow

idk its like such a cute little fantasy tho isnt it? maybe i meet someone and we become friends and then it leads to something more, is going on dates fun? maybe it would be but. i go on dates with my friends!!!!!! like is it different? i guess, but im out with someone i love i dont see how it could be much different

sometimes it feels like people like me dont get that. its hard to be good enough for someone else, like. i know theres like 8 billion people in the world but its always. im too fat im trans im not hot enough im too mentally ill im too awkward too. TOO EVERYTHING!! so on top of like. how can someone possible be more than what i already have, i have to be good enough too!!!!! so much work, i honestly. after brian, i was so content to just fall back on fictional characters, i know it sounds silly but self shipping LITERALLY saved my life i was hanging by a thread after him and then i found a coping mechanism that made me feel so good

i think its uncertainty, when it comes to fictional relationship? i make the rules, the scenarios, its perfect for me but. in real life you cant do that, im thrown in BLIND. i know its part of life, you learn and grow together but erm... im autistic please dont do this to me PLEASE if i plan out my conversation at a grocery store with the clerk and im STILL THROWN OFF... yeeowch!!

thats the thing im very offputting to other people like. something about me, i can see it in their eyes, see the way they kinda. like im. somethings all wrong with me!!!! they dont like it, i cant imagine myself being charming but.. maybe if i start T, ill be less. dreadfully anxious about seeing other people, then maybe ill flourish a little more. we'll see, it still freaks me out the thought of loving someone more than my friends like TO ME i dont think its possible and i dont want to find out about it okay it makes me sick it feels like betrayal, never tell me otherwise or ill feel awful, its betrayal to me!!!! cuz i want to give my friends the most i can give, they deserve it, so like. what, am i supposed to give less? give someone else more?? like ew who are you1!!! i dont need you i just need my besties thats all i need :] but its still a nice thought isnt it? its cute

i think i just have like a limit on the amount of people i can know at one time, ive always wanted more friends and i have more friends now!! sooo i dont realy need anyone else then? its very easy for me to feel satisfied with what i have, of course i am!!! grateful even!!!! so im like. it just doesnt matter so much to me. nice thought but i dont see it happening like i dont really WANT it to happen like i do but also. like. listen.

am i still gonna throw down to little love songs? absolutely yes sir!! to me tho like its feelings i can easily project onto my friends SKFJS like how me and my bestie kiss eachother on the head okay. because i loooooove them, its so easy because i love them!! its a love song, i dont care what kind of love its made for, i feel love and ill hear it how i want :] ITS. its some weird social bullshit okay, who says we cant? who says we cant go on little friend dates and kiss and hug and be in love with eachother while also being JUST friends? WHO SAYS!!!! its what i dont get, theres some disconnect between romantic and platonic love that i dont see at all. why should one be more valued than the other? hogwash okay its gobbledygook its. nonsense!!! im glad i dont see it that way, the hard part is finding other people who also dont see it that way, i realize my feelings on it arent STANDARD.. still, im satisfied. i have a lot of love to give and im always allowed to give it, isnt that so wonderful?

And This is How I See You | Sebastian Aho

this work is inspired by Serendipitous by @lulucanwrite warnings: n/a  word count: 3490 note: this is a gift for @lulucanwrite​ and basically serves as a prequel/spinoff/inspiration from Serendipitous, which is one of the sweetest stories ever. it reads like an imagine fic, but really it’s a lovely little story about two people who have loved each other forever and who will always love each other, featuring pining, friends to lovers, reconnections after many years apart, some found family feels, and a healthy dose of soft angst. highly recommend because it is extremely good. this is an imagining of the two in her story, the year that the main character leaves for America, and Sebastian knows he has to say goodbye, but doesn’t know how to say “I love you,” or maybe, actually, he does.  (title inspiration from Sarah McLachlan’s Wintersong)

“We still have to get our tree and visit dad,” she says, her voice laced with uncertainty. “I’m just not sure.”

“Please? I want to go throw snowballs at windows. Like when we were little. Come with me, one last time,” Sebastian implores. His face is twisted, trying not to show any of the emotions brewing deep within his belly, trying not to let any of his feelings towards her spill out with every word that tumbles from his lips.

Everything is laced with the knowing that this is their last Christmas together. Even the cups of coffee neatly placed on the table between them suddenly feel less warm. Sebastian can feel the time slipping away from them the longer they both sit there.

She seems to consider the proposition but she is stoic. Sebastian can’t read her. She thins her lips and pulls her cup of coffee to them, drawing in a long sip. Sebastian realizes that he’s holding his breath when she sets her cup down, looks up to the ceiling and back down, then speaks.

“Okay,” she says softly, still wavering and unsure. “But I need to be back in time to pick a tree with my mom.”

He cracks a smile at her agreement, brown eyes lighting up, and continues to push his luck. “What if we pick a tree and bring it for her, what do you think?”

“She will want me home soon,” she sighs, a small frown forming on her lips. “We’re supposed to spend the day together.”

“It’s not even ten,” Sebastian counters. He is determined to suck the marrow out of their last Christmas together and he’s been planning each detail meticulously for a few weeks now. Plus, he may or may not have already run it by her mom, but he wants to keep it a surprise, so he adds, “And I think your mom will be okay with it.”

Her eyes narrow, and she draws the mug of coffee to her lips like a seasoned veteran at only thirteen. God, Sebastian thinks, she has already lived an entire life in her eyes. It’s as if it has taken it all out of her, watching her dad get sicker and sicker, and then… well, yeah. He can’t even imagine that word, it feels too foreign. But he does know that losing her father changed her.

He remembers a time, back when they were younger, that her eyes would sparkle and her laughter would fill the room. Now, her laugh is maybe fewer, further between; she measured and guarded. But those moments where she lets her guard down completely, throwing her head back and laughing, filled his heart with joy. Each time she laughed, his heart felt softer and softer towards the world. It was her laugh. That’s how he knew.

“What do you mean, you think she’ll be okay with it?”

She tosses a lock of brown hair over her shoulders with a free hand, carefully gripping her mug with the other while she does so. Sebastian watches, his lips curling upwards into a telling smile. “Nothing,” he says plainly.

“You can’t hide anything from me,” she lifts a brow. The mug thuds dully against the table of the coffee shop as she sets it down.

“You can’t hide anything from me,” he retorts, a little stupidly, pursing his lips before immediately bursting out laughing, and she laughs, too, unable to control herself. “Okay, okay. She said I could steal you for a while, I asked.”

“Why would you--”

“Ah-ah,” he lifts a finger and waggles it back and forth. “No questions.”

“Wow,” she raises her hands in surrender. “Remember me when you’re famous.”

He grins, but doesn’t grace her with an answer. He stands and takes her now-empty mug to return and tosses her napkins in the trash for her, a silent gesture of both affection and nudging her along. She gathers her things into her little bag: a small notebook and pen, a napkin where she’s jotted something so fast that Sebastian can’t read it, and her wallet, which is navy blue and patterned with fading gold stars.

Christmas music plays softly in the background, a gentle jazzy rendition of Last Christmas, and right before they reach the door, Sebastian stops. The music envelops them, making the air feel warmer, the light in the spacious cafe a little more golden. Sebastian smiles as she looks at him, and she stops, too, and then reaches a hand towards his cheek. His heart flutters. She simply adjusts the scarf pulled around his neck, and reflects his smile. “It’s cold,” she says.

“Oh,” Sebastian breathes, as she slides past him and swings the door open. The cold air rushes in, and they step out together, Sebastian right behind her, as she turns around to face him.

“Where are we going?” And then, at the same time he opens his mouth to reply, “Right, you said no questions.”

He grins as he jumps and steps in front of her to lead the way, taking a leisurely pace as they head out into the open air. Flurries of snow float about as they stroll down the street, and a gentle silence falls upon the two of them. It’s always been this way. She and him were comfortable enough that they could sit quietly together for hours, her with a book in her lap and him scribbling his way through his math homework, or the two of them side-by-side, quietly watching TV. It was the sort of friendship where he never felt pressured to have something to say or worry about taking up space, because the way their presence mingled with each other was enough to take up that quiet space.

Before, he didn’t think about it at all. It was just a simple part of who they were together, the same way somebody liked pasta or the color blue. Now, he takes notice, carving out the feelings of every second spent quietly together in his mind. A part of him wonders if he will ever find a friendship like this again.

A part of him also knows that this isn’t friendship, and it hasn’t been for some time. The way they walk together in perfect sync reminds him of it. The comfortable silence whispers to him how much he loves her. His father would say, Son, you’re thirteen. You don’t know anything about love. He’s thirteen, sure, but he has never been more certain about anything in his life.

As they walk, he feels their fingers brush together. Normally he’d let the soft tingle of their bodies touch linger as a memory but today he grabs her gloved hand and holds it in his own, and she doesn’t resist. They settle like that as the snow from days past crunches underneath their feet, leaving their memory behind in a little trail of footprints, two sets right beside each other.

The town, too, is quiet, just like it so often is on the morning of Christmas Eve. Families are scrambling to decorate their trees and prepare meals, but here, the two of them walk quietly side by side through the center of town as if there’s nothing else in the world but them. Sebastian imagines his family hurrying about the house--his mother, especially, he can see her hard at work--and for a second a flash of guilt for not being home comes over him, but it’s gone as soon as he looks over at her, and she smiles back at him. He’ll be home later. It’s fine.

He tries to commit her gentle smile to his memory as he speaks. “If your mom wants, I can come help with the tree.”

“You should be with your family,” she replies so quickly, without even having to think. “Besides, she can handle it.”

“I know you both can handle it,” Sebastian says, “but I want to help, if you need.”

“I think that your own mom would be very upset if you weren’t home to help decorate your own tree. It’s fine, seriously.”

He hums to himself before responding, “All right.” And then, “But if you need anything, you know you can always ask.”

Her smile radiates with the gentle warmth of the hearth on a frozen day, loving and thankful. “Don’t worry. I know.”

He can’t help himself but to reply, “I know you know,” and then let a little laugh out through his nose. “But still.”

She’s quiet now, and so is he, but he remains unworried. They are past where the road is lined with shops and have started to come upon homes with lit windows standing against the dimness of wintry daytime and the steam of heaters or the smoke of fireplaces billowing from their roofs into a cloudy sky. Sebastian stops and turns to face her.

“What?” She asks, raising a brow quizzically.

He lifts a finger to his lips, raises a brow, and then leans down, scooping up a ball of snow in his hands and begins to pack the snow together. She opens her mouth and takes in a breath to say something, but before she can speak he’s packed the snow tightly and wound his arm back. Sebastian leans his whole body into his throw as he lets the snowball go and watches with childish delight as it bursts against one of the lit windows of a house.

“Sebastian!” She cries, but her look of judgement and surprise quickly dissipates into a fit of laughter as Sebastian, unbothered, bends down again and starts to pack another handful together and takes off running.

“Come on!” He yells at her, gesturing with his snowball-filled hand for her to run after her. “You can’t get caught!”

“That,” she huffs as she starts to jog behind him, “is so childish!”

“Don’t be lame,” he says as he turns around and backpedals, a smile splitting open across his face. He whirls around and once again uses the whole of his scrawny, adolescent body weight to chuck the densely-packed snowball at another house window. “Your turn!”

She frowns a little and rolls her eyes, but he knows that deep down it isn’t even a question for her, and he’s right, because she leans over faux-reluctantly and scoops up some of the powder and runs ahead of him, giggling as her gloved hands palm over the snow in her hands. She turns and lifts a leg, aiming for a window. Sebastian’s grin grows even further and then he’s hit square in the chest with her snowball before he can even process that she’s spun around to face him.

“Ha!” she bursts out, cackling, mouth wide with delight.

For a moment, he is completely stunned. Sebastian swears he can feel time stop right in that moment, with a chorus of her laughter mingling with the snow swirling softly in the air. Her mouth is wide open, and she’s grinning, eyes squinty and nose scrunched just a bit. Flakes of snow catch in her dark brown hair, and she clasps her hands gleefully in front of her chest.

He takes it all in, every single detail, because underneath their laughter, underneath the crunching snow and the powder of snow that’s spread across his chest, both of them know that this moment is decidedly a last. Their last Christmas, their last snowball fight, the last chance for him to make this something more.

And then, just like that, he snaps back to reality and is laughing, too, packing his own snowball together before hurling it at her as she dashes away from him and he follows behind. They go at it for a few blocks, gathering snow and making balls and pitching them as hard as they can at each other, until she heads into an open patch of untouched snow and flops herself down into its softness.

He flops down right beside her, breath leaving in tired puffs, the hot breath burning his throat in the cold of December, staring up at the grey-white sky and watching the slightly-darker snow swirl through the air.

“Thank you,” she says after a second, and he turns his head to look over at her. She meets his gaze with a pink-cheeked smile, and continues, “for helping me forget about everything.”

He stares at her, watching her breath leave in puffs of condensation in the air, pink lips parted slightly as her chest rises and falls. A strand of hair lays astray on her forehead, but she’s ignorant to it and to Sebastian it is just another sign of her beauty. She closes her eyes and sighs softly, and she’s so fucking beautiful he can barely breathe, or maybe he just can’t catch his breath because he’s been running, he can’t say. Either way, he lays there for a second, drinking her in, before he speaks. “Of course. Anytime.”

“I just… really appreciate you.”

Each word drips with more meaning than he can fathom into thoughts, much less words. The way her eyelashes flutter as she blinks. The pink of her cold nose. Her fingers laced together, laying across her chest. The way the sky is so pale and pastel and how the snow falls and the town is so quiet that they can hear the strange crystal drizzle as it lands on different surfaces.

Sebastian can feel the words he wants to say to her forming on his lips, and he draws in a breath to say them. Time slows down around them until it’s just the two of them, laying there in the snow. Nothing else but them. God, he knows this is his chance to say it. He meets her eyes and she smiles a smile so familiar to him that it has come to feel like home, and he feels those words on his tongue and on his lips, wanting to fall out.

He swallows. Takes in a breath. Then thins his lips, and smiles back at her. The air is thick with expectation, with the words he can think over and over in his head but just can’t bring himself to say.

“What?” she asks, a sparkle in her eyes. “You looked like you were about to say something.”

“Nothing,” he answers, breathy and hopeless. “I appreciate you, too.”

She responds with a thankful look and turns her head back so she’s staring straight up, watching the snow fall into her face. He does the same. He feels the moment slip away from them and instead of grasping on, he lets it go. Maybe he’s a coward who will never say it, but maybe there’s no point in telling her what they both already know.

They lay there in silence until finally, he stands up, and extends a hand to help her. She grabs on and stands. Her hand lingers. Sebastian doesn’t want to notice this, but his gaze drops to the pink of her lips and just as quickly he has dropped his eyes, he looks back up into her eyes, pulls his hand away, smiles an easy smile, and says, “Let’s get you home.”

She nods and they start off together, footsteps in sync. Sebastian can tell from observing their surroundings that they’re only a block or so from her home where her mother is already cooking a feast and waiting for her.

“This is our last Christmas together,” she says after a moment, her words a coming-to-terms. “It just doesn’t seem real.”

“I know,” he breathes. “I’m going to miss you so much, I don’t even know what to do.”

“It’s not forever.” But she bites her lower lip, an edge to her voice, because really, who can promise that? And he knows, too, that’s what she’s saying. She spent months saying goodbye to her dad, not knowing which goodbye kiss would be her last, and now Sebastian knows that you can’t ever bet on a goodbye as not the last.

But you also can’t bet any goodbye is the very last, either. “You can’t get rid of me that easily,” Sebastian grins. “Maybe you’re not hopeful, but I know I’ll find you. Even if it’s years from now, even if it’s when we’re twenty-six. I’ll just show up on your doorstep with a ring.”

She laughs out loud, a glorious, radiant laugh. Her eyes squint a bit and her nose scrunches slightly, and she tilts her head back. “I can’t believe you remember!”

“Of course I remember,” he laughs, “We’re basically betrothed, right?”

“Technically, it’s a marriage pact,” she says, shoving him in the side.

He giggles, playfully stumbling from her less-than-powerful shove. “Whatever you say!”

There is a pause as the laughter fades away. Then, she speaks.

“Promise me you’ll keep in touch?” Her voice is tiny, afraid.

“Okay, first of all, you’re not leaving tomorrow, so don’t be so dramatic,” Sebastian starts. “Second, you know I will. And you know we’ll see each other again. It’s not like you’ll never come back to Finland.”

“Or you can come to New York,” she says, hopeful. “I know we aren’t leaving tomorrow, but I had to say it sometime. I know I’m leaving. I just don’t want to lose you.”

Sebastian stops in his tracks, and turns, stepping in front of her, facing her now. His head tilts slightly to the side, and his dark brown eyes soften in the light of the snow. He takes her hands, squeezing gently, and says, “You can never lose me. I promise.”

Her hands squeeze back, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Okay,” she whispers. “Okay.”

He lingers there for a second, before turning back around to step beside her again. Her house has come into view, with warm lights on in the front room, and he knows she will be home soon. Unspoken words hang heavy on his tongue, but he knows that what he wants to say, he already has said, in an unspoken way.

“Hey, you two!” A voice calls from just ahead of them, and he sees her mom sticking her head out of the door. “You’re back just in time!”

“I told you I’d bring her back,” Sebastian quips as they reach the front of her house.

“And I thank you very much for that,” her mother answers. “Why don’t you come in? I just made a late breakfast.”

“No, thank you. I really have to get home to my family, too.”

“I can’t believe you let me go,” she says to her mom, making a face. “I know how sacred Christmas is to you.”

“That is exactly why I let you go,” her mother answers, then meets Sebastian’s eyes, giving a knowing smile.

“Okay, then,” she replies, then turns around, wraps her arms around him and pulls Sebastian in, hugging him tightly. She rests her chin on his shoulder, and he breathes in her hair and the smell of her and really takes note for the first time that she has a specific scent to her, and that it’s warm and it’s comfortable and it’s good. His hands clutch at the small of her back, and he leans his head slightly against hers.

It’s him who finally breaks their embrace, murmuring a quiet “love you” as he pulls away.

“Did you say something?” She asks as she meets his eyes again.

“Nothing,” he says, his features soft and a little bit sad. “I’ll see you after Christmas, yeah?”

“For sure,” she nods, and then wraps an arm around his side, giving him one last squeeze before stepping up and into the doorway.

He notices now that her mother has made herself busy somewhere else in the house, having disappeared in the last few seconds, and he adds, “And tell your mom it was good to see her, please?”

“Of course.” Then she steps inside, closes the door behind her, and he’s standing there, alone. Just him.

For the first time all day, he realizes how freezing cold it is, and involuntarily rubs at his arms. Despite the fact this isn’t a final goodbye, he can’t help but feel the tug of knowing that there is still something between them, that there is something unfinished, waiting for resolve. Does he regret that? He isn’t sure. What he knows is that walking away feels wrong, and staying put feels weirder. So he gathers himself, and steps to the side of their door, right in front of the window that is illuminated with a golden glow that is a little more light than the winter morning.

Sebastian raps his knuckles on the frame of the window, trying to get both her and her mother’s attention. The two of them turn their heads, and when he sees that both of them are looking at him, he steps backwards. Then, he bends down, picks up a pile of snow in his hands, and throws one final snowball at their window. For good measure.

astro notes for fun lol

HEY! this is my first astro observations post so don't be too hard on me lol unless u wanna then sure maybe i can improve them somehow BUTANYWAYZ this is for entertainment purposes only!! obviously these are just my own observations so if they don't resonate with you don't get offended or you're a big ol' 🅱️uss so here they are!! also SHOUTOUT TO MY AMAZING FRIENDS fyi i got sum help from them by asking them billions of questions to confirm my suspicions so uh hope that makes the observations more accurate LOL ANYWAYS HERE THEY ARE!! i'll probably make more in the future cuz i think they're super fun to make :D also if u couldnt tell uhm this isnt very professional im not professional BUT I TRIED TO MAKE IT PRETTY so pls dont be bothered lol im just doing this for fun i didnt even wanna make an astro page so yea </3pretty unreliable LMAOOO

👩🏻‍🦲 the house your mars is in is what pisses you off the most!! (eg. 1st - people assuming things about you, 5th - people beating around the bush, 7th - things that disrupt the harmony of your environment, 9th - the need to hold back your opinions because others get bothered by them being "offensive")

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers are true ambiverts and i've truly never ever seen a cancer who wouldn't be both introverted and extroverted at times. they are always either social introverts or quiet extroverts lol. or both!! (somehow 0_0) they enjoy people's attention, whether it's wanting to be noticed or appreciated or generally cared for, and they need their alone time. they tend to be very productive at those times, too.

👩🏻‍🦲 ok i have a lot of notes for cancers so it's gonna be a lot lmao sorry anyways!! i've also noticed they LOVEEE breaking loose every once in a while, if not every time they're given the opportunity! thing is, it's usually only if someone else is there to convince them or do it with them. they don't like taking risks alone! they are very impressed and fond of the 'wild child' persona people because they bring out the cancer's wild side!

👩🏻‍🦲 libra moons are absolutely loved by people, it's so crazy! like, no matter what they do they always have attention on them. this can manifest badly if the moon person is actually pretty horrible, things they do tend to be overlooked and others move on pretty quickly from their mistakes, letting them do whatever they want. i wanted to give an example but uh,,,,, i shall.. refrain😳

👩🏻‍🦲 libra suns with water moons are so scary when they're angry..

👩🏻‍🦲 cancer moon is what i deem as the zodiac sign cute-ifyer lol. literally any "tough" sign like capricorn, scorpio or aquarius becomes a super cute goofball with this moon. WEIRDEST THING EVER THOUGH is that it doesn't work for cancer suns?! like if a cancer sun has a cancer moon this just makes the person very confusing but very funny. they can brighten anybody's day without trying!

👩🏻‍🦲 okay uh this isn't an astro note as much as it is me being a phucken simp but uh..... I HAVE AN UNDYING LOVE FOR ARIES SUNS I WILL MARRY EVERY EACHAND ONE OF YOU ISTG. ARIES SUNS ARE THE NICEST AND FUNNIEST PEOPEL I'VE EVER SEEN YOU HAVE THE BEST HUMOR EVER AND YOU'RE SO KIND TO EVERYBODY YOU'RE SO KIND I LOVE YOU YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLANET I WANT TO HUG YOU FOREVER okay jbshxhjn but fr aries are the best people ever?!?!?!?!?!?! pls

👩🏻‍🦲 okay JUST SO THIS WHOLE ARIES MENTION ISN'T JUST A POINTLESS LOVE CONFESSION - i've noticed a lot of ♥aries♥ people use the laughing crying face emojis (😂,🤣) unironically and it's honestly.....the best thing ever

👩🏻‍🦲 taurus suns do this sometimes as well

👩🏻‍🦲 THE MOST UNHEALTHY PERCEPTIONS OF ZODIAC SIGNS ARE PUT ON FIRE SIGNS, NOT THE WATER SIGNS AND THIS IS COMING FROM A PISCES!!!!!!1 every stereotype is always showing fire signs as those sunshine of the group people, the baddies, and the ones with the biggest 'idgaf' attitude. and while this can totally be true sometimes, most of the time it's super different! sad fire signs break my heart pls i just wanna hug you guys T-T they have it the hardest because unlike water signs who are already expected to be emotional, they often repress their emotions for the sake of others and because of the fear of betrayal or judgement, or just generally the idea of "it's better to have fake friends than to have zero friends". YOU GUYS PLEASE. cut these people off from your life you deserve soo much better i know it can be super hard to open up for you u just need a hug omg EVERYONE PLEASE CHECK UP ON YOUR FIRE SIGN FRIENDS ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR DAY N STUFF THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOU CARING FOR THEM! pls stay best and take care sweethearts ily!!!

👩🏻‍🦲 i've also noticed that some of the signs tend to show their sadness through anger - this is not just astrology though so if your friend has been jumpy lately please just check on them they are probably going thru sth😳 anyways the signs i mostly saw this in are pisces, aries and libra.

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers with feminine moons (earth and water) tend to be pretty introspective. they often think they're the ones being mistreated, and while this of course might be true, in reality it usually goes a lonnng way back lol. they often pay very little attention to others!! (masculine moon sign cancers (fire and air) can often be too focused on others more than themselves) this can be good because they don't snoop in other people's business but oh my god, guys, please pay attention to your friends, too! this WILL lead to lost friendships because, let's be real, nobody wants a one-sided friendship with someone who only cares about themselves! i don't want to target anybody here but this is just a pattern i've noticed wayyyy too often, so you might want to look into it and if you think this is you all you need is just to enlargen your perspective and it will all be okay. but please, PLEASE. think about your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 i needed to get this^ out because people often put this on leo placements but tbh i notice that leo placements are THE MOST generous of the entire zodiac and they always think of others first and that's what really makes them so popular. they very rarely are as egocentric as everybody says, they're just really loving and that makes them very lovable!

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio risings are the prettiest people i've ever seen. not even kidding bruh i could stare at them for EVER their eyes are absolutely gorgeous and their mannerisms are just perfect pls marry me

👩🏻‍🦲 gemini and taurus placements make an individual soooo chill to the point where it often makes them lazy and a biig procrastinator lol. tho i love how they make light of it by using their amazing humor!

👩🏻‍🦲 you most definitely have your IC be one of your family members' sun sign or one of their personal planets. i have a taurus ic and my sister is a taurus sun!

👩🏻‍🦲 sagittarius suns are the best huggers cause THEY REALLY NEED A HUG SO GO HUG THEM RIGHT NOW. pls guys why r u so sad..

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio mars aren't even as sexual as everybody says tbh. but they definitely do have some interesting.....interests ;)

👩🏻‍🦲 pluto aspects to personal planets are very prominent, but very hidden. if you have them, most likely you will be the only person to know about this side of you and it can be pretty dark..

👩🏻‍🦲 planets conjunct your sun will be the people you attract most in your life (venus conjunct sun - taurus and libra, jupiter - sagittarius and pisces, mars - aries and scorpio EVERYWHERE)

👩🏻‍🦲 your moon sign will be the sun sign of most of your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 if you don't quite relate to your ascendant, look at the sign you have in your 3rd house and at your mercury sign. this is how you communicate, convey your ideas etc. and will often be a major factor in people's first impressions of you :)

👩🏻‍🦲 lilith aspecting your sun may mean there's a side of you nobody knows.. 👁👁 you're also probably very convincing and people can be very drawn to you and they can't explain why. this also goes for lilith in 7th, especially in girls!

👩🏻‍🦲 you and your friends probably have each other's sun signs as your personal planets!!

👩🏻‍🦲 the kindest person you know is probably either a virgo or an aries.. and the meanest person you know is also probably a virgo or aries LOL

👩🏻‍🦲 capricorn suns & risings are THE hardest to read!! if they don't say what they mean people will just assume and they're never going to be right it's wild 👩🏻‍🦲 also capricorns definitely have the most dad energy, while sagittariuses are more like actual dads jdbshxcvb

OKAY THAT'S ALL!!!! im sure i have more but its 2 am i have school tomorrow or actually its today now so bye uh anyways there will most likely be more so if u liked these stay tuned!! oh and let me know if they were true witchu :o thats it love u stay awesome and super cool i love u byebye!!

King ophelia

is this nearly 2 months late? yes yes it is.

@king-ophelia 

“If i die im totally haunting your ass”

(Y/n) x C!Sam  Platonic

______________

Mentions of: death, blood,tommy’s prison arc 

There had always been a close Mentor and Student type of bond Between a certain droopy elf-eared green-tinted skinned man and a young kid around the age of 15-16? Some might even say that it was closer, more Father and child-like. So naturally when Awesamdude began distancing himself from everyone while making the prison (Y/n) felt a mixture of anger and slightly guilt. Guilt because it wasn't Sam’s duty to take care of them. Sam had simply shown them Human kindness, and (Y/n) not having many good encounters with people had clutched to the praise that Sam had given on the regular. (Y/n) had only felt angrier and angrier as time passed. Especially when Ponk had stumbled into their small dark oak cottage on the outskirts of what was Pogtopia. His red yellow and black mask burned beyond repair and holding what was left of his arm. Leaping up from the small couch situated in the middle of the small one-floor house (Y/n) turns their attention to Ponk. As they work feverishly whispering that it’ll be okay more to themselves than anything else. That day they realize that the Man that they had admired so much and had tried to please didn't care. ------ “Sam? I made something look!” (Y/n) says happily as they pull the prosthetic arm they had been working on for Ponk. “I'm busy (Y/n), Tommy needs help with something,” Sam states as he brushes past (Y/n) without a thought. “Of course. It’s always Tommy and tubbo this. Why don't you have a second of time for me?” (Y/n) mumbles dejectedly. Shoving the arm back into their bag they grumble annoyed. Eventually, they bump into Foolish. “(Y/n)! Didn't see you there! How are you?” he asks cheerfully crouching into a squat. “I made something for Ponk. I tried showing Sam but he was busy. As always.” They say quietly while fiddling with the hem of the bag. Foolish’s emerald eyes widen in interest. “You did? Can I see?” Nervously they pull a wooden base of an arm armor of the bag before turning their attention to Foolish, (Y/n) smiles shyly up at the man before gently placing the arm in his huge calloused hands. Foolish sits on the ground in front of (Y/n) and turns the arm silently, his jade eyes staring intently at the arm that’s a quarter -if that -the size of his hand. Growing more nervous and agitated at the lack of response (Y/n) a close mentor-student type of bond between Sam and (Y/n). If you were to look closer it might be called a Father/child type of bond. Maybe even Found Family. Always ever since (Y/n) had been younger. (Y/n) had always looked up to him, always trying to be just like him. Horror was the least they felt when Ponk- stumbled into (Y/n’s) small cottage. His arm was bloody in his other arm. His mask torn in places, his hood pulled up pasted his face. To cover the deep cuts. Dropping the book they had been reading: The Book thief, on the couch they spring up and run toward Ponk one line still ringing in their head. “I guess humans like to watch a little destruction. Sand castles, houses of cards, that's where they begin. Their great skill is their capacity to escalate.” The meaning of those words smacks (Y/n) like a truck. Just like how Sam had destroyed (Y/n’s) view on the world, Ruining the one last thing that kept (Y/n’s) view of the parental figure like a parent. It didn't help that (Y/n) was the youngest in the vast land of DreamSmp. Being 12 when they lost their first life jumping in front of Technoblade's fireworks that Schlatt had ordered him to fire at Tubbo. And 13 when they had lost their second life to a forest fire that Niki had started. Niki had apologized of course, but techno. You know how he is. ---- It had been a few weeks after Ponk’s visit, and (Y/n) had been wandering around looking for Sam for some input. Eventually finding him they tap his shoulder and present the Wood and golden ornate hand they had been making during the past 2 weeks. “Sam! Look!” They state excitedly. As they hold out the arm. “That's nice (Y/n). But I'm busy. I need to help Tommy with his hotel.” Sam says as he shrugs (Y/n) off brushing past them. Nodding slowly (Y/n) stands on the prime path before turning and shoving the arm into their bag before walking down the prime path with no particular idea. “Oh- sorry I didn't see you there-” A tall man with bright observant jade green eyes and golden shining olive skin gazes down wearing Egyptian royalty wear with gold, and emerald stitching along the hems of the shendyt. Shifting down he smiles down at (Y/n) his gold ornately patterned Wesekh with lapis emerald and Netherite hangs off his chest while he grins happily. Sharp shark-like teeth gleaming. “(Y/n) right?” he asks as he offers out a huge hand. “Y-Yeah. You're Foolish right?” the man nods causing (Y/n) to breath in deeply the scent of pine filling their nose. (Y/n) gazes at the ground while Foolish asks “May I see the arm you tried showing Sam?” nervously (Y/n) obliges. As Foolish sits on the ground examining the minuscule arm (Y/n) grows agitated at the lack of negative response- well any response. “Sorry- I know. It's stupid and it won't work-” they mutter quietly. “No, no-no. that’s not it at all. Im amazed at the level of detail on the fingers and the knuckles (Y/n).” --------- “Tommy? I can give a note to Dream so you don't have to see him.” (Y/n) states with an undertone of wanting to prove themselves. “No- You're too young-” he begins. “No.” They interrupt loudly. Tommy raises an eyebrow. (Y/n) never really questioned anybody's judgment, they merely followed without question. “I- uh. I want to help. Please.” they continue their voice growing quieter as the sudden jolt of courage dissolves into fear of rejection. Tommy nods a small smile on his face. “Sure. Only if you pinky promise you’ll be safe okay?” ------ As they reach the prison, the anger they had repressed for months begins bubbling up. In addition to anxiety. (Y/n) hadn't really interacted with Dream much. Only briefly when he needed somewhere to hide. And foolishly (Y/n) had let him. As they reach the other end of the portal Sam doesn't look up from the desk he’s sitting at. “Tommy. Kid. I have something for you to sign.” he says tiredly. As he places a book in front of (Y/n). “Read that out loud.” (Y/n) feels a twinge of anger at the nickname Sam had given Tommy. Sam had never taken the time to do that for (Y/n). Taking a deep breath they begin. “Page 1 I HEREBY ASSUME ALL OF THE RISKS OF VISITING THE HOLDING CELL, including by way of example and not limitation, any risks that may arise from negligence or carelessness on the part of the Prison guards, prisoners misbehaving, from dangerous or defective equipment”  (Y/n) read haltingly and slowly sounding out negligence. Sam suddenly glances up and sighs “(Y/n) why are you here. Tommy said he’d be here.” ignoring what sam had asked they continue rambling

“Page 2 or property owned, maintained, or controlled by the Prison Guards. I certify that I waive, release, and discharge the Prison from any and all liability, including but not limited to, death, disability, personal injury, property damage,” they glare at Sam and murmur “you did that to ponk. You hurt him.” they take another breath before continuing:

Page 3 property theft, or actions of any kind which may hereafter occur to me, including my traveling to and from visiting the Prisoner. Written name, then sign: (Y/n)” They sign it and slide the book toward Sam. “(Y/n). Why are you here.” they scoff annoyed and reply “Why else? I'm visiting Dream. I'm telling him something Tommy wanted me to say.” ------------- As (Y/n) reaches the platform they turn toward Sam and state. “Sam. If I die. Then I’m totally haunting your ass.” Sam sighs and retorts “You're not going to die. And stop talking. Face forward.” Nodding (Y/n) turns forward tears forming in their eyes. Gazing up at the ceiling (Y/n) lifts a hand pressing it against their eyes while mentally shouting at themself to not cry. Being in prison wasn't as bad as they thought. Dream seemed nice enough, so he made conversation. “So (Y/n) have you made anything new? I’ve heard that you like making things.” Dream says as he leans against the wall his tone curious. (Y/n) jumps at the opportunity of having someone showing genuine interest in what they enjoy. “Well- I���ve started reading Norse Myths. Those are cool- I also really like- I like uh building things. Like a few weeks ago I made a fake arm for ponk cuz Sam ripped him off.” They state excitedly. Dream nods his mask contorting into a small smile. “Wait-” Dream pauses his mask’s eyebrows contorting into a frown “Did you say Sam ripped off Ponks arm?” (Y/n) freezes the hairs on the back of their neck suddenly standing on end. They laugh awkwardly, alarms blaring internally “What- nooo that's preposterous. Why would Sam do that? I mean Sam loves Ponk.” they blabber nervously as they fiddle with their hands nervously. Suddenly there’s an ear-splitting boom. Causing (Y/n) to freeze in place. ------ About a week has passed since (Y/n) got trapped in the prison. (Y/n) eventually grew more nervous and twitchy whenever Dream so much as looked at them. On the 4th day, they had gotten a cat. (Y/n) had named the calico “Fat Ass” as he was one of the Fattest cats (Y/n) had seen. On the 8th day or so (Y/n) had been trapped Fat Ass had seemed to have enough with everything and committed unalive by walking into the lava. (Y/n) would never forget his pitiful yowls as he burned alive. The ninth day (Y/n) began growing desperate Screaming at the lava for hours on end until their throat grew dry or Dream had yanked them up and tossed them across the small room. As he yelled “(Y/N) SAM DOESN'T CARE. HE’S GOING TO LEAVE YOU HERE TO FUCKING ROT. WHY WON'T THAT GET THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD.” (Y/n) grew silent at that. Playing with the orangy drawstrings of their hoodie. “Okay.” (Y/n) whispers in defeat. “You win. Just stop yelling at me please.” Dream scoffs bending closer to (Y/n) grabbing the collar of their Hoodie. “(Y/n). You're pathetic. I could kill you right now and revive you because I'm bored. I could do that for hours and Sam wouldn't move a damned muscle.” (Y/n’s) (e/c) eyes widen in fear as they whisper “Your lying.” gulping they rasp “You wouldn't. You don't have it in you-” Dream grins. “(Y/n), I’m a GOD.” He Lifts a clenched fist before sending it into their gut. “I can do this as much as I want and you can't do anything about it.” He sends blow after blow. And as he bends closer to (Y/n). They take the chance and grip his ears tightly. Before screaming as loud as they could. “SAM-” As Dream sends another punch to their gut (Y/n) pulls down hard on the ear. Dream squeezes his hands around (Y/n’s) throat. “SAM PLEASE HELP. DAD-” they wail as they kick trying to escape Dream’s grasp as air begins to be a long-lost luxury. “Aw- Are you calling for daddy? He won't come (Y/n). He’s busy.” Those last words are the final words (Y/n) here before everything doubles and shifts into kaleidoscopic colors and shapes, and they take one last half-hearted breath.

(Y/n) wakes up in a calm place. Everything is so...peaceful...weirdly so. As they spin in a circle they see a playground. The cool midnight breeze ruffling (Y/n’s) hair as they skip toward the structure. Not thinking twice (Y/n) sits on one of the swings and begins to kick off. The rocking mixed with the cool breeze of the night and footsteps- wait why were their footsteps… Jumping from the swing at the top of its arch (Y/n) comes crashing down to earth. Wincing at the feeling of their body slamming against the ground. “Hello?” (Y/n) asks quietly. “Dear? Oh my- oh you were so young- Come here let’s have a little chat you and i.” a feminine voice says. (Y/n) tenses up and replies “Can- Could I stay here? On the swings I mean? I- I don't really know- I’m a little scared here- Where am-” the feminine figure comes into sight wearing a flattering simple black dress that throws her elegant features into greater depth. “Oh Honey, Do whatever makes you comfortable okay? You're in well that's hard to explain. But to put it simply, you're dead. I guess this Empty park is yours- what did My husband's son call it? Limbo? You're stuck here while we talk.” (Y/n) freezes tears forming as they sit in front of the woman. “No- I cant- Sam saved- I’m just- I'm dreaming right?” they whimper as they clutch the soft material of their sweatshirt. “Sam- He was- He saved me and I'm just having a nightmare.” (Y/n) whispers to themselves as they rock back and forth. “Here Honey let me help you. You have a bad cut and I don't want it to get infected.” (Y/n) nods slowly and as the gentle touch of the woman’s hand grazes their cheek (Y/n) jerks awake with a start. ------------------------- There had been an alarm. Luckily Sam had been in the prison at the time. As the automated voice says calmly “The Prisoner is displaying violent acts toward the visitor.” Sam’s blood runs cold. “(Y/n)” he gasps as he sprints through a special tunnel he had created in case of an event like this. As he waits for the lava to drain he regrets ignoring (Y/n). As the lava finally drains he can see Dream leaning against a wall, a hand covering his left ear as bloodstains it. While (Y/n) seems to be asleep at his feet. That doesn't help his fears. “Dream. What the hell did you do?” Sam asks quietly as he reaches the halfway point of his destination. Dream turns slowly before reaching down to (Y/n’s) head and turning it where it’s on full display for Sam to see. Bloody, and 2 giant purple hands print upon their throat. Sam Backs up disgust filling his brain. “They wouldn't stop yelling for you. I got annoyed.” dream states simply. Sam backs away in disgust as he crouches down and hoists (Y/n) up. “Sam- D’you know they kept begging for mercy. They shouted and I quote“Sam Please help. Dad” Dream’s tone is mocking as he stretches. “Obviously you failed them as a parent. When they first came in they were so eager to have someone listen to them for once instead of being bossed around.” Dream laughs. “They tried so hard to make you happy or to be proud of them. (Y/n) felt so neglected that they were genuinely excited when me- a prisoner showed interest. That says a lot about them doesn't it Sam.” Sam stares at the floor, his heart beating faster and faster. “Sam- I heard what they said to you before they came in here.” As Sam steps back onto the floating bridge he set’s (Y/n’s) body down and backs up his hands rubbing his face as the Lava begins to return to place. Sam leans on the wall a few feet from the lava covering the entrance of Dream’s holding cell. ----- Phantom(N/n). That's the only thing the ghost remembers. The only name apart from Awesamdude. Phantom(N/N) is pretty sure that Awesamdude isn't their name.  Standing in a small purplish room, where two unfamiliar men stand one cowering under another man with a scar running down his face making his eye white. Tensing up Phantom(N/n) backs up and crutches into a small ball trying to stay out of view. But they were spotted. The man with the scar crutches in front of Phantom(N/n) and smiles offering out a reddish hand. Phantom(N/n) gazes up at him before taking it nervously and avoiding the gaze of the man wearing green while Alive(Y/n)’s voice murmurs to stay away from Dream. The man with the scar has warm hands Phantom(N/n) notices. Glancing up Phantom(N/n) smiles up at the man, as he gently guides the two of them across the bridge. As they reach the other end Phantom(N/n) lets go of the man's hand, noticing then that he has Light brownish feathers coming from the side of his head along with wings coming from his back with dark shiny greens and other colors. “(Y/n)?” he asks as he places his hands on each side of their shoulders. Phantom(N/n) frowns before saying “Oh you're talking about Alive(Y/n), I’m Phantom(N/n)” they smile up at him taking in his injury. Gently raising their hand Phantom(N/n) places a finger on the man’s cheek while frowning. “Does it hurt?” Phantom(N/n) asks their head tilting in concern. Phantom(N/n) removes their hand from his slightly rough scar before turning when a set of footsteps grow louder. As they turn Phantom(N/n) fiddles with the orange drawstrings while they gaze at the shiny slightly refective Blackstone floor. Lowering themself Phantom(N/n) sits on the floor tracing the cool stone tile as the two people talk in hushed hurried tones. Before the man with duck-like feathers suddenly erupts “SAM- THIS IS A CHANCE FOR YOU TO TRY TO REPAIR YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH (Y/N).” The other man Sam retorts his voice shaking “Quackity. (Y/n’s) dea-” Phantom(N/n) looks up at those words. As their eyes meet Sam’s they flick their gaze back to the floor. “I’m not (Y/n). I’m Phantom(N/n).” Phantom(N/n) murmurs quietly while Quackity and Sam continue to argue. As their shouting becomes louder and louder Phantom(N/n) stands up and tries to find an exit. Finding a passageway probably for employees Phantom(N/n) walks through pressing a hand to the wall as they skip through the cold narrow halls. The cool rush of air a pleasant change in contrast to the hot sticky-stale air of the prison cell. The yelling growing fainter Phantom(N/n) feels a breath of air go. On they didn't realize they were holding in. Reaching into their pocket Phantom(N/n) pulls out a soft Bunny. One with orange wool, and a small carrot attached with a thin string. Holding it in their hands Phantom(N/n) stares at it a small smile spreading on their face. An expression of confusion replaces the small smile before the grin returns.“ You’ll be...uh...Your...Pluto. Yeah, you’ll be Pluto.” One of pluto’s shiny black eyes catches the light of something and Phantom(N/n) stiffens as they gaze forward. Slowly turning around Sam stands their Axe in hand. Tensing up Phantom(N/n) says with a huff.“That’s not nice. You shouldn’t point pointy sharp things at people. Someone could get hurt.” Sam frowns before crouching infront of Phantom(N/n) and placing the axe somewhere in his inventory. Smiling in approval Phantom(N/n) shrugs their jacket higher on their shoulder before jumping toward Sam. “Who are the rings for? You and Mr.Quackity both had 2 each. Are you married to two people? Do I get 2 more dads?” The questions roll of Phantom(N/n’s) tongue fast. Sam stands up resting Phantom(N/n) on his hip his left arm securing them to his body. Sam hesitates before nodding. “Yeah.- yeah you do. Do you want to meet them?” the two people walk through the same hall that Phantom(N/n) had walked through. “Mr.Quackity? Who are you married to? Isn’t it the man with the swirly pattern and the other man with the headband?” Quackity nods slowly before muttering. “Something like that. They forgot about me.” Phantom(N/n) doesn't seem to like this information. Squirming in Sam’s grasp Sam gently places them down before they grab Quackity’s hand and smiling up at him “Well We’ll go make them unforget! Come one!” They state firmly as if there were no room for criticism.

uhmmm gentan

WEOWOEOOOWOOIIEOIFPOPLP

>:) . i love gentan a lot. now im not gonna be able to give a sexy ass nuanced essay like my fellow mutuals do about their pairings but listen . i just think theyre great. i think they complement each other i think they could potentially have been rlly fucking good i think they couldve really been essential figures to the other’s development. notice the word COULDVE because yeah i admit a lot of the pairings i like come from my own perception on how they couldve developed bc like admittedly genya had way more potential and tanjirou as great and fun as he is he literally just stays static thru out the whole manga. except for a couple of small moments. but like other than that hes mr perfect BUT ANYWAY

i think for genyas part its kinda obvious. tanjirou helped him Tremendously through his relationship with his brother & overall was pretty protective over genya n shit. i think tanjirou helps/would help genya gain more confidence overall, especially thinking back to his last moments where he thought of tanjirou and his words to gain, like, the confidence and strength to go through with the mission even tho he was doubting himself. in that way, tanjirou sorta completes genya, like he reminds genya to be kinder to himself and be more confident in himself and etc etc. pretty common tanjirou behavior.

for tanjirous part... their backstories are similar in how they both experienced the deaths of their entire family (in contrast to zenitsu and inosuke, and kinda kanao because her original family’s deaths arent expanded on), but the way each of them took it provided like a backdrop to their characterizations. i know tanjirous own experience with coping and grieving isnt expanded on too much, considering how its shown that he sorta “accepted” the death of his family from the beginning (thinking back to the scene where he held that guys hand & smiled, and even if that wasnt necessarily acceptance we dont REALLY see tanjirou process his past trauma in depth ig), but i think tanjirou in general is someone that would be closed off abt his own grief and pain cuz hes the “older brother” and would naturally hide away anything he thinks would worry and upset others. i mean we already see that in how he didnt tell that little nurse butterfly girl that he had a fever for his sun breathing (self-sacrifical too) and how he was basically kinda like. not expecting to be alive by the time nezuko would become human/theyd defeat muzan (essentially accepted dying when his face got FUCKED up until zenitsu said ur not dead yet buddy; overall he doesnt accept other ppls help easily as he noted how if he were the demon in their situation nobody would help him (i forgot what manga ch that was but he said smth like that) amongst other situations). theres also one of the first demons he fought where he was talking about how as the oldest brother he needs to endure more stuff and pain and whatever whatever u know. so what the fuck im getting at by the end of all of this is that i just think as genya could develop into being more confident n sortaaaa pushy (i feel like hes naturally pushy with basically anybody except his brother and tanjirou LMFAO) and could like, help tanjirou express his feelings in its entirety more freely yknow, like both the good and the bad. like i mentioned with why im not really into inotan / zentan (like that i feel like tanjirou would always feel the need to look over them n honestly can u blame him ? theyre Crazy) but i like gentan bc i feel like they could naturally become more equal in a sense when it comes to how they balance each other out. genya could've possibly been a character to help tanjirou through his own grief that he’s internalizing and couldve been someone tanjirou could relax around and not feel the need to look over... IFFFFF AND ONLY IF his character was expanded on/didnt die that quickly n early or whatever.

I think that kinda dynamic would also work out bc of how genya couldve possibly been feeling towards his brother growing up, just watching him from a distance and wanting to help him but not being able to do anything. and his guilt when he accused sanemi would just be insurmountable. so what im getting at is that i feel like genya wouldnt want that to happen, like, again, and thats why i think he’d actually take action when he grew to be more of a risk-taker and would try 2 actually make tanjirou open up yknow. bc again tanjirou upholding his “oldest bro” title wouldve taken a toll on him if u ask me. that whole vision of himself would logically lead to a lot of bottling up of emotions. i know genya tried making that right and tried helping his bro by like, becoming a demon slayer, but again i just can see genya and tanjirou having that sorta relationship.

ANYWAY. again i do acknowledge that like, for the most part ive probably filled up parts of their personalities bc i think the both of them had more potential/couldve been developed more like i just view it sorta as a flaw how static tanjirou is and how short genya’s time was. it’s definitely possible and likely that i interpreted some scenes in a very diff way compared to others, and i mightve interpreted their characterizations differently than watever other people. but like in my big dumbo brain theyre gay theyre fun they would love eahc other 2 death they would have a lotta fun together and BLAH BLAH ! but besides the “analysis” i jusyt gave on them i just thikn theyd be awesome. mr “i thought he’d talk to me since we were both in the nude” tanjirou kamado. the way genya and tanjirou have blushed @ each other many times WOUGJOUIHJ. the way they give each other strenght . the way genya protected him in battle and thought of him during his last moments . the way tanjirou is easily impressed (u remember when he was like WOAH SO COOL about mitsuri n stuff and genya was just like ... :| ) so i just think its funny if tanjirou thought genya was cool like . .it’s genya LFMREI9WODJFSLK. i know every other person tanjirous age is like in love with him but whatevrr tanjirou would crush on my homeboy genya 🙄 . iwas gonna say something else but i totally just forgot

in conclusion they should kiss just cuz i said so or what ever idk 

Rhythm of War spoilers under the cut

...

Perfect I’m glad that actually worked :)

1. WHAT THE NUTS?!2?:??:?:? I’VE LOST MY GOSHDANG MARBLES NOT TO MENTION SEVERAL PIECES OF MY SOUL AND ALL MY SANITY (clearly since I already said marbles r gone) HEAD IS EMPTY FELLAS

I’m honesty just still at a loss for words. The implications every major investiture-related reveal has are enormous. The light. The harmonies. The spren experiments??? Ishar what the eff word are you doing dude!??!???

I was under the delusion that there was going to be a mega battle between Moash and Kaladin at the end of the book that was gonna be Uber painful but then have that allow Kaladin to swear the fourth ideal (in my head it was smth like Dalinar v Odium in Oathbringer but I am aware that would be way too clean a parallel and branderson just doesn’t work like that). INSTEAD we got an altercation that caused me to BAWL MY EYES OUT FOR FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES

Some lead-up. Somewhere around the time Moash got the spren-killing dagger I could just feel an awful build-up of tension and anxiety. I may not be able to hear the rhythms of Roshar but let me tell you if I could..... I would be attuned to terrors m8. So anyways I knew shit was gonna go DOWN but I didn’t know exactly what. Then Moash got the knife and my brain was just like “if he kills Sylphrena....” but I was just like HHHHH GOTTA KEEP READING

I’ll need to go downstairs and actually grab my book at some point to make sure I have the timeline right but there was a point where I had to set the book down and do some breathing exercises and walk around a little. And then Oho boy. When Teft walked in and saw Moash I just... I lost it a little. And then what actually happened????? My dogs woke me up at 5 AM and as I’m struggling out of some weird cosmere-related dream I remember whag Moash did and I’m just sitting there in the dark dogs whining to go out -crying- because how could he do that how could he how could he

And I know at the start of the book when Godeke or whatever edgedancer came to get Kal out of the manor fire was standing in the doorway and Moash had some kind of.... bit of his soul? Smth??? Show a version of who he /could/ be (wait that wasn’t Renarin was it cuz that would make sense...... hmmmmmmmm). That COULD mean he will have some opportunity at redemption which. If there is ANYBODY I trust to do it well and with feeling, it’s Brandon, but also a huge part of me does NOT. WANT. HIM. REDEEMED. I want him crushed and broken in every way with the full weight of what he did bearing down upon him but also hhhhhhh I’m sure we will get smth much cooler than anything I could think up ANYWAY

Why are the splits between paragraphs getting so big tumblr what is wrong with you

See this one is normal

Okay ANYWAYS

Kaladin. Bitch this man is a LOT. he’s just. I think the thing I appreciate most about these books is that the heroes aren’t perfect. They’re often damaged. Feel broken. And IN that they expand upon their ideals and ultimately make the first one just such an inspiring message. Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.

So Kaladin. He is just uhhhh amazing??? What I think truly encapsulates what I love about him is when it’s just he and Syl and the stonecast statue of Teft. The sadness is still there and I know it hurts him so much. But the guilt? The ability to grow in your losses and find yourself stronger and more human and more understanding because of it??? Ultimately THAT is where Moash and Odium are wrong. Kaladin and Dalinar have found and CONTINUE to find how to grow in their pain. How to not just deal with, but ACCEPT and OWN their pain and sorrow. They are finding the peace that Odium would have brought through numbness and loss. I don’t really know how to phrase this exactly how I would like. But I’m proud of this message. Im glad for this message.

When Wit helps Kaladin into that warm bubble and tells him he will be warm again, that just hit. The message in these books is about oaths and ideals and promises. It’s about growing into something so much more than you ever could have dreamed, and NOT by giving up your pain or your guilt or your loss or your anger to someone who would leave you a shell as a byproduct. When Teft died he died full of hope. He knew he was forgiven. He didn’t lose to Moash, to Odium, to the moss or to anyone or anything else. He lived and died with Honor. And in doing so proved that the power to change existed within him. It just needed support. Like a small flame. You can’t leave it open to the winds, or it will extinguish, but it DOES need air. It does need to be stoked to grow. Teft did it. So can you.

I went on both Instagram and Snapchat to try and talk about how deeply connected I feel to these books and the messages and characters in them. I wasn’t nearly as eloquent as I would have liked. But at the end of the day I am so grateful for how I’ve been able to grow and change and be shaped by my trials and experiences. I didn’t spend this year in as dark of a place as Kaladin, but I did feel trapped and stuck. I felt like a failure. I felt weak and angry and like there was no way to get to where I had been. Like I couldn’t remember the words.

And not just this book, but so many things in my life have helped me to see that I am valid and I am growing and I will stumble and make mistakes but through it all, the oaths that I have made, and the ideals that I keep are what make me me, and will continue to temper my soul and my spirit as I go along this journey.

I don’t need everyone to love these books as much as I do. Or feel as strongly about the messages or be as affected by the characters, the plot, and the INSANELY good writing. But I hope everyone has, finds, and clings to what makes them warm. What brings them light. We all make mistakes. We all will continue to mess up. We need to be corrected and shaped and we need to grow and change. But I for one am sick of hating people on principle. I’m sick of the feeling in my stomach like the world is falling to shit and that nothing I do or say will ultimately have any positive effect. I’m sick of living in a shade-darker world where I hate everything and feel like I should hate everything. I’m sick of being angry.

As a related side note. As we get to know more about the shards I hope someone makes a “which shard of Adonalsium are you!” Quiz because that would be very interesting. As is?? This year I have been Odium. I am passionate. But I am angry. I am so so angry. And I don’t -want- to be so angry anymore. I want to have hope. I want to follow light. I want to CHOOSE life and strength and journey and I want to sacrifice what I need to to get there. Kaladin’s fourth ideal is recognizing he can’t save everyone. I want to follow the ideal that those out there deserving of love and compassion outweigh my need to feel angry and unjust at those that destroy those things. I’ll work on phrasing as I go. I’m not quite ready to swear it, but the words are coming. I can feel them.

What Maya did was reveal that in the darkest of times for Radiants and their bonds, there was a choice that was made. And -no one,- spren, god, or otherwise, can take away the fact that it was THEIR choice. It is my choice whom I serve. It is my choice what I sacrifice and what I hold on to. And I will not let the voices of those telling me I have to hate everything and everyone take charge over me.

I hope everyone out there finds their ideals. And keeps to them. And knows that there is hope and light and life. That there is strength before weakness. And courage before cowardice. And a journey before their destination.

And that ultimately, the most important words a person can say are: “I will do better.” And the most important step they can take is the next one.

Life before death. Always. Life before death.

Do you do hc's? If you do, could you do Akatsuki relationship hc's please?

Ive never done hc's before, but Im gonna do my best :) hope they turn out okay! -🦎

P.S. this post will be super long, so my apologies in advance folks❤

===============================

Pain

Super quiet baby.

Shows his affection through actions, not words

Has difficulties showing his emotions, but genuinely tries his best.

Isnt sure how to be in a relationship, so is very awkward. Stutters a lot when talking to or about you: "Uh.... Y/N.....I think you look, uh, s-stunning today."

Blushes all the time.

You love it

So you do literally anything in your power to cause it. Brushing his hair out of his face, complimenting him in front of others, kissing him on the cheek randomly, etc.

Loves kissing in the rain. It overwhelms his senses, from the feel of the drops on his skin, to the smell of your hair, to the light shiver he can feel run down your spine after a while. He loves every second.

Will do anything for you. Legitimately ready to end the world for the one that he loves

Konan

Super sentimental type

Talks about her past a lot, and wants to hear all about yours.

Emotional connection is an absolute must, looks are always second in her book

Want you to get along with her friends, specifically Pain. You two are the most important people in her life, so its essential that you get along.

Thinks its precious that youre interested in her hobbies. Plenty of nights will be spent trying to help you learn origami, but at the end of the day, theres just a bunch of lopsided cranes and crumple flowers around the two of you asleep on the carpet.

I dont think shed be much of a cook, so meals are a must for you. She'll always compliment you on it though : "Y/N, this breakfast looks lovely. How'd I end up with a catch like you?"

She does make a mean cup of tea though

Likes to leave little notes or origami figures around for you to find when shes away :)

Deidara

Super obnoxious ngl

Likes to show you off to everybody. Like. Everyone. Other members, enemies, people on the street. You name it.

"LOOK AT MY S/O! ARENT THEY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BEING YOUVE EVER SEEN? THEY ARE ART ITSELF, I ALMOST WANT TO BLOW THEM UP, THEYRE THAT GORGEOUS."

Theres never a quiet moment with him

Especially right before bed, when he starts to babble nonsense because hes tired. You never knew a person could have so many thoughts until he never let one pass without it leaving his mouth

His babbling is pretty endearing though, because he is forever thinking about how amazing you are

But the only way to shut him up is to kiss him

Luckily, hes an incredibly good kisser

Will forever refer to you as his muse. And model many an artwork after you. Its very sweet until he makes them explode to show off the 'true beauty'

Sasori

Very detached at the beginning

Doesnt like having ties to this world

But he soon realizes there's no way to get rid of you, and he doesnt particularly want to either.

After that realization, he spends as much time with you as possible

Expect lots of cuddles, quiet nights, and endless hours of talking. About his past, his parents, his puppets. He wants you to know it all, because he feels like with all of it, he has to be unlovable

Is very shocked when you stick around and accept him, becomes very attached to you afterwards.

Doesnt do dates often, but on the occasional one, hes incredibly punctual and expects you to be

Hes very insecure about his "heart". He absolutely melts if you take time to let him know that its wonderful, just like him

Overall, hes just very relieved to have you in his life

Itachi

Truly surprised to be in a relationship at all

This isnt part of his mission

100% soft boi™️

Loves to hold your hand, kiss your knuckles, gaze into your eyes, all of it. Anything he has to do to remind himself that youre real, and that you love him.

Becomes a literal puddle when he realizes youre trying to name and differentiate all of his crows

Lets you feed them regularly and marvels at how sweet they are to you

Doesnt understand how someone so pure could be with someone like him, but wont complain simply because he hates the thought of losing this light he's found in his life.

Spends all his time making sure youre happy. Taking care of you when your sick, reading to you on long nights, cuddling you when you get sad. He just wants you to feel better

Doesnt give gifts often, so when you find your favorite one of his crows (Midnight, youd named it) sitting on the table with a red bow around his neck, you cry for hours.

He gets confused and thinks hes done something wrong, but you just kiss him and tell him that its perfect.

Kisame

Doesnt realize hes fallen for you until he sees you wading in a river late at night, singing softly to yourself

Really likes holding your hand

Has some jealousy problems, but not because he doesn't trust you. He just doesn't trust everyone else.

Lots of beach dates

Thinks it's adorable how he has to convince you to get out of the water when its gotten dark and cold

Prefers you don't give him nicknames, just really likes the way his name sounds when it comes out of your mouth

Loves that youre not scared of Samehada, and thinks its precious when you talk to it like its a pet and not a sword

Is even more smitten when Samehada coos back at you, its loyalty to you both means the world to him

Hidan

Insists on your belief in Jashin

Wants you to believe and become immortal with him

The eternal Bonnie and Clyde

Also the kinkiest of the bunch

Has zero issue talking about bedroom business in front of anybody

Likes how you blush when he brings it up in front of large groups of people

"Aw look at how red your cheeks get, thats so cute"

Does things to get on your nerves, because he loves watching you react. Seeing how flustered he can make you is a frequent game he'll play, cuz your anger is just as cute as your smile

Likes to casually hand you his scythe even though its too heavy for you to handle

Watching you try to hold it up makes him laugh, and you yelling at him for laughing only makes it worse honestly

Will try to get you to go on missions with him, simply because you two work together better than anyone else. No one knows him like you do, so sacrifices are always more fruitful with your presence.

Kakuzu

The most distant of the organization

Will be very difficult to connect with

But when he realizes that you seem to know the bingo book better than he does, will insist that you work on his team

From there, he'll see your personality and be thankful for all the hearts he has, because there can be an extra to give to you.

Your smile makes his day, and seeing the way you squeal when the pay comes in for a takedown melts every heart he's got

Thankful that youre just as much of a tightwad as he is, it means you make a very cheap date

Appreciates your intellect, and is happy to have a partner that is as smart as they are attractive, unlike his past partner Hidan.

Silences are an essential part of the relationship, but niether of you mind. Your presence is all he needs to feel at ease, rather than filling the air with meaningless small talk

Tobi

Never fails to laugh at your jokes

Enjoys making you laugh, even if it means making himself look like an idiot

Definition of silly romantic

Will spend lots of time telling you that youre special to him, even if its in a way that doesnt make sense

"I dont need gravity when Im with you, Im always on cloud 9"

Likes to mess with you when you try to touch him by tranferring his body to other dimensions

"Youll have to try harder if you really want to hold my hand, Y/N"

When he does get serious, though, he'll pull you to his other dimension to talk. Its quieter and theres no risk of interruptions

Likes to hug you from behind, and always has a dumb joke on hand if he ever sees you crying

ive been scrolling through ur blog for a while (cuz ur dc opinions are Top Fucking Notch) and i saw what you said abt bart in tt 03 and f:fma and while i totally agree (it killed tt 03 for me lol) im super curious abt how youd do his development if given the opportunity?

I’ve been thinking about this one like A Lot so buckle up this is long: 

it would kind of depend? On whether or not he’d be in an ensemble team like Teen Titans or with his own solo series. 

I understand metatextually why he became Kid Flash in TT, since they needed him to be more mature and a more recognizable character and having him upgrade costumes/codenames is a good shortcut for both. But I’ve already talked about why it didn’t sit right with me. 

So, lets flip the script a little bit - the start of TT would be largely the same. Our boy Bart is on the new Titans team, and things are kind of awkward after YJ disbanded, also Max is gone and Bart’s relationship with Wally is still not doing great. Things are rough, Bart has newfound doubts to deal with, especially now that the world seems to have gotten harsher and everyone seems to have a lot less patience to deal with him. The pressure to be more mature and a recognizable character is coming from other characters now rather than an authorial need: he’s reminded to take things seriously, or that he should know better by now, that he needs to slow down and think more. So Bart decides a change is necessary, and we get the library scene. He reads all the books, he reappears as Kid Flash, saves Tim via bullet catch, disassembles a gun, takes down Slade, etc. etc. Here’s my departure from canon though: it doesn’t work. 

Kid Flash is not a solution, or a magical cure for immaturity. Reading a whole library so he’s miraculously smarter and more mature and capable is, at its core, a pretty naive conclusion. And it makes sense he would think that. But it doesn’t work. He’s still impulsive, distractible, hasty. He can’t put a lid on his own sense of humor. People still think he’s annoying or lazy or careless. And he keeps trying - he knows all this stuff now, he read a whole library! - but he’s still apparently too much the same person as he's always been. And even though he’s trying very hard to live up to the Kid Flash name, it still doesn’t feel like him. Wally doesn’t like it, since Bart is literally just imitating him now, which makes things between the two even worse. And Bart keeps worrying about what’s supposed to come afterwards, since “Kid Flash” is inherently temporary, and while Impulse was only peripherally related to the flash legacy, Kid Flash comes with expectations. 

Bart is trying very very hard to be ‘grown up’ and ‘mature’, but he hasn’t actually learned anything other than a bunch of facts (which are still useful, but) he’s just trying to be who everyone expects him to be. 

And this is what i mean about the ensemble thing, because this arc would be in conversation with the rest of the core four, who are also trying very hard to be people they’re not, but all in different ways. Bart obviously with the codename change, but Cassie, Tim, and Kon all have similar issues, they’re all trying to imitate people. 

Tim is doing his Batman jr. routine, reverting back to the persona he had at the start of YJ. He’s cagey and mysterious and does questionable things without telling anybody, because he’s de-facto leader of the team again, and he has to be better than he is. No more kid stuff, the Titans are serious, he has to treat it like a job, not like a sleepover. And this whole act is putting distance between him and his friends. 

Cassie is trying her hardest to put herself in a support role. Donna’s gone and she has some big shoes to fill (she and Tim could probably bond about that if he weren’t stubbornly trying to brood at all hours of the day) and she’s doing her best to just Be Donna. Cassie and Tim would work better with their team roles swapped, and they both sort of know this - Cassie is naturally charismatic, thinks on her feet, can maintain good PR, and when she’s confident in herself is great at leading. Tim is partial to planning ahead, secrets, and keeping in the shadows, and is better at being a confidant and emotional problem solver among the team (when he allows himself to be open among friends, that is). 

But they’re both trying to fit themselves into what they see as pre-ordained roles: Robin is leader, Wondergirl is a supportive mediator. But Cassie’s got a temper and little patience for people being idiots, and Tim’s not predisposed to spotlights. 

Kon on the other hand has a story that’s less about who he should be and more who he shouldn’t be. The Lex Luthor dad storyline is here (minus the mind control shit, although the threat of it is still brought up) and Kon is doing his level best to do nothing that could be interpreted as something Lex might do. While everyone is doing their best to Not be their own person, Kon has no idea if he ever was his own person. He’s questioning everything he does, wondering if it’s some kind of evil gene showing through when he’s angry or petty or selfish. He’s going through lots of clone angst. 

So they’re all dealing with expectations and who they are or aren’t supposed to be, trying to fit themselves into boxes that don’t suit them and then convincing themselves that this is how it ought to be. Kon ought to avoid feeling or acting in any negative light because any sign of Luthor is a sign of evil, Cassie ought to tone herself down and act like Donna, Tim ought to step up and lead the team and act like Dick, and Bart ought to listen better and be smarter and slow down and grow up and do his level best to just Be Wally. 

Throughout the issues they’d all get a spotlight on their various crises, taking them through complimenting character arcs. Kon would realize through a couple close encounters and chats with ma and pa and talks with his friends and citizens of metropolis that nobody is all good or all bad. Clark can be a real asshole sometimes and Luthor’s actually done a fair bit of good (usually in his own interests, but still we’re gunning for nuance). Turns out he doesn’t have a dark side to be tempted by, he was made from 50% complex person and 50% complex person, just like everyone else. Which means he isn’t destined to be the next Superman, or Superman’s next supervillain. He’s just like, a person. With his own thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with genetics. 

Tim would wear himself out and hide it from everybody until he killed himself, but it’s only when he sees Cassie also wearing herself out too that his ‘somebody needs somebody’ instincts kick in and they’re actually able to talk about how miserable they both are. Through some trial and error they’re able to figure out a good co-leader system for leading the team, having each other’s backs along the way, which allows for them both being able to help out the other members of their team with their own shit i.e. Kon and Bart’s identity issues. 

Bart is, like Cassie and Tim, wearing himself out trying to be this perfect version of Wally that never actually existed. He actually hates the recognition the new name gives him, because people have expectations for him now, ones he can never seem to live up to. He’s bad at following orders still, which makes him a pretty shit sidekick for Wally, in fact he’s just pretty shit at being a sidekick in general. But, he reasons, he’s supposed to be grown up and responsible now, and responsibility is all about doing shit you hate until you die, so he’s probably on the right track. 

It’s only later, once he gets some support from his friends, who help him deal with things like Max and YJ disbanding and stuff that he’s able to actually sit down and have a heart-to-heart with Wally. Wally confesses that he understands the pressure to live up to a legacy, and how he did his best to just Be Barry when he became the flash. In fact while Bart was trying to live up to Wally and be a good sidekick, Wally was trying to live up to Barry and be a good mentor. Wally’s the one to tell him that Bart’s always done his own thing, and is at his best when he does. They both agree they suck as partners, but maybe they should’ve tried to be family first. And there’s probably a racing metaphor in there somewhere because speedsters love their racing metaphors. 

ANyway Bart returns to Impulse, forging a new path, getting along better with Wally now and hanging out with him just as civilians with no pretense. He learns some valuable lessons about how maturity can’t be learned in a book, and that he’ll get it himself the more he lives and learns from experience. The Titans all get along better now that they’re all sure of their places in the group, and they can all go on just being themselves without worrying about expectations or roles to fill or whatever. 

...If Bart still had his solo series instead though, id actually want it to go in a sort of different direction? The thing about living up to predecessors and trying to be some ideal version of another person works well for the Titans because they can all deal with a similar issue in different ways, but I think it would also be interesting to do the complete opposite. 

Lots of shitty things happened in very quick succession in Bart’s life that he had no control over: Max’s disappearance, having to move in with Jay and Joan (who are nice, but whom he barely knows,) leaving his friends in Alabama, Young Justice breaking up… Basically, things kind of suck for Bart, and all he wants is for them to go back to the way they were. Instead of trying to be grown up or mature or whatever, Bart is resisting every single encroaching thing about coming adulthood. Because all growing up ever seems to mean is that everything changes and either you have to leave the people you love or they have to leave you. 

So this series would focus mostly on that, both in his civilian life; going into high school, not knowing anybody, the few friends he does make are less interested in ‘kid stuff’ and more focused on dating and interpersonal drama, high school itself seems to be geared entirely toward the “what are you going to do with your life” question, when he visits his old friends back in manchester, they’ve all kind of grown up without him. And in hero life; everyone from Young Justice is trying to move on and not talking to each other, his father figure and mentor is gone and he's not really jiving well with the rest of the flash family, and people just seem to have less patience for Impulse now that he’s older. 

Growing up is hard. It’s hard and no one understands. Especially not when you’re also a superhero and have dealt with some quality trauma like losing loved ones and feeling yourself die. So it makes sense that Bart would resist that in every way possible, do his best to pretend like everything is still how it used to be, for once in his life just trying to make everything stay put. He refuses to get rid of his old stuff, he doesn’t want to treat any villainous threats seriously, people in school keep talking about college and jobs and tuition fees and Bart wants none of that, he acts out, refuses responsibility, gets reckless under the pretense that he never used to have to be cautious. 

And this is the part where I’d bring in Inertia, cause Thad was robbed and I want him to have an actual arc that doesn’t end with infant-splosion. Also he can have a good ol companion arc to Bart. Welcome to foils everybody, where two identical boys with opposing life experiences get to thematically compare and contrast with each other as they deal with the trials and tribulations of growing up. 

So, I’m ignoring every appearance Thad ever made after Impulse 1995, picking up instead where his story left off where he swore vengeance on his creators and disappeared into the speed force. And he’s off to do exactly what he said; Thad Thawne II is going to kill his namesake/grandfather/creator - the president of Earthgov. 

But, turns out assassinating the president of a whole fucking planet is a lot harder than he thought - Thad has planned extensively for every moment of his life, so once he starts going off script things predictably go a little off the fuckin rails. Thad fails, obviously. For one because despite how much President Thawne might deserve to die, Thad at this point hasn’t done anything worse than attempted murder, and making him a killer would put a wrench in any kind of redemption arc he could have. Also he’s acting on rage, in a highly emotional state, basically going up against the entire government. Of course he’s going to get caught by the science police and brought into custody. 

Bart, meanwhile is jumping with both feet into any kind of escapism he can find, which involves various time travel shenanigans and lands him in the 30th century. He gets to reunite however briefly with his mom, but the mission he had gets derailed by the appearance of Inertia. 

Every time Bart and President Thawne interact, the president always seems to make a bid to sway Bart to the Thawne side. This never works, which is part of the reason Inertia exists in the first place; a version of Bart that the president could control. When Inertia landed in the 30th century, hell bent on assassinating his creator, the President subdued him and eventually coerced him back over to the Thawne side of the family feud. No longer a rogue agent, Inertia is back to his old self, all about destroying Bart and the rest of the Allens. 

They have a battle, taking place all over the 30th century city, and Bart does his best but Inertia has the entire Earthgov police force on his side, and Bart eventually gets captured. He gets taken to some kind of holding facility, meets with the President who monologues as him while Inertia stands beside him like a good lackey. Then suddenly the speed-inhibiting cuffs or whatever Inertia had put on Bart to stop his speed malfunctions, and Inertia drops the act, now Impulse and Inertia working together to take down the Earthgov people holding them there. 

Turns out as soon as Inertia knew he couldn’t take out the president, what with all the military force President Thawne had on his side, he bided his time until he could. He uses Bart’s help to finally get President Thawne cornered, and the assassination plan is back on track. Except now Bart is the thing stopping him. He makes the argument about how murder bad. Heroes don’t kill, etc. Inertia insists he isn’t a hero. But Bart reminds him that that’s not how Max saw him. 

Inertia hesitates just enough that President Thawne is able to get away, and now the two of them have to make an escape attempt back to the past. Bart insists on trying to take Meloni with them, and they try but ultimately fail somehow (maybe someone has to stay behind to make sure they can make the trip safely, idk. At first Thad is willing to stay behind, since there’s nothing really for him in the past. But Meloni knows that President Thawne would destroy him if he did, and she can’t let harm come to either of her sons - and she does consider Thad her son, just like Bart. She’s had far too little time with either of them, but she loves them all the same. She tells them to take care of each other, and is the first to encourage them to be like, actual brothers.) 

After yet another tearful goodbye, Bart swearing he’ll find a way for them to all be together again, Bart and Thad go back. And they do end up having to lean on each other, because shit’s tough for the both of them. Thad initially wants to apologize and possibly reunite with Max and Helen, and then finds out Max is gone. And Bart has someone who understands exactly what he’s going through. 

Things get a little more lighthearted from here. Bart and Thad don’t get along well at first, since they’re both going through rough times and lots of changes and their first instincts are to lash out at each other. But eventually they form a sort of camaraderie through shared grief, then shared fish-out-of-water experiences. Which evolves into shared inside jokes and video games and comic books and they become slow but steady friends. 

They upgrade into brothers when Bart defends Thad against the repeated (and not entirely undeserved) suspicion he receives from the rest of the Flash family. Jay and Joan take him in, but it’s clear they don’t trust him, and neither does Wally. Bart stands up for Thad, arguing that he’s as much of a Thawne as Thad is, and treating Thad like he’s the next Cobalt Blue is just going to ensure that history never changes and stupid family feuds are forever. After this, Thad starts trusting Bart a little more, and kind of solves Bart’s problems regarding encroaching adulthood with his friendship. Neither of them really had a childhood, and Thad hasn’t experienced 21st century life at all, much less the societal expectations to grow up. So Bart gets to have fun again, and Thad won't judge any of his games or his books or his attitude or interests for being childish or lame because he’s fascinated by the experience of anything regardless of the target audience. 

And from there it's a series about these two becoming brothers and growing up and the different lessons they learn and wacky characters they meet along the way. Thad ironically also puts Bart in a position where he has to take on more responsibility, since even though Thad can imitate heroic actions and is actually pretty good at it, he doesn’t understand what makes them heroic. Bart has to draw on a lot of the things Max taught him and now has to teach them to Thad. 

There’s crossover comics with Superboy, where Bart laments about having to deal with grown up stuff, and Kon gives him a new perspective on the whole “being young forever” thing, since that was a reality Kon actually had to deal with and it sucked. 

Through various misadventures they meet new and familiar characters to give them different perspectives on the whole passage of time thing. Villains who despise children or childish things, villains who embrace it but probably too much. People who talk about growing up as the worst time of their lives, others talking about it like it was the best. Kids and adults alike trying to force Bart and Thad to act a certain way while treating them another. 

The two of them come to opposing conclusions about this; Thad wants to embrace change completely, partly because he wants to experience firsthand all that life has to offer, but also his worldview depends on believing that anyone can change, and anyone can be better, because he has to believe he can be redeemed for all the shitty stuff he did. Bart, on the other hand, knows his life isn’t perfect but thinks, based on recent events, that it’s all just going to get worse from here, and so resists change as much as possible. 

Thad, in his haste to experience everything, sometimes ends up going too far, either burning both of them out, or pushing them into situations that they’re not ready for or are ill-equipped to handle. Bart, on the other hand is so resistant to change or responsibility that he stops them from doing actual necessary things like planning their futures or doing chores or making new friends. This acts as the crux for their main conflict that slowly builds throughout the series, and then in a finale to the arc, they both figure out a way to get Meloni back to the past, and to raise some stakes they have a falling out in the middle of the mission about it. 

Bart accuses Thad of trying to leave him behind, or trying to be the better version of him again, and that old insecurity about Thad replacing him crops up. Thad thinks Bart just can’t handle anything outside his personal bubble and wants to force him to live in the real world. Plus he also feels kind of abandoned by Bart, who often would leave Thad to do the scary adult things on his own. 

Tensions still high, there's suddenly an external threat to deal with - probably president thawne and the science police - and they attempt to continue arguing even while fighting the president. I’m making this up as I go so lets say yada yada big climactic moment it's looking like the two might fail to get Meloni back and they’re both still angry with each other and Bart just… can’t take it anymore. 

He keeps losing people, and the ones he keeps he always seems to screw up with. And at the end of the day he’s just a kid who wants his mom. Is that really so much to ask? So there’s a reversal, a parallel, if you will, of the assassination attempt from the beginning of the series, this time with Bart. Or, because I don’t think many people would buy that Bart would actually ever for real kill someone, maybe he’s finally about to get his mom back, but she doesn’t want to go (since she made that deal with the president that he wouldn’t harm anyone of the Allen family so long as she stayed with him) so he’s trying to force her, risking the lives/well-being of the entire Allen bloodline across all of time. 

This time it’s Thad who has to talk him down, who has to remind him about being a hero, who has to remind him that trying to go back to some magical time in the past where things were better is just going to stop him from learning and growing as a person, and that doing anything and everything possible to get there is just going to lead to Bart doing something he Actually Can’t walk back from. 

Alright but here’s the thing because having Bart be forced to leave his mom again for like the billionth time is tired and overdone, and personally the whole message about heroics involving extreme and damaging amounts of sacrifice can only go so far. So here; Thad and Bart are both right. 

Like on the one hand, yeah, it’s childish and selfish for Bart to want to be with his mom at the expense of literally everyone else in his family. On the other hand, the fact that they can’t be together because some asshole is upholding a stupid grudge is bad and unfair and wrong. The issue needing to be fixed is not the kid who wants his mom, it’s the jackass keeping them apart (and who also wants to kill/imprison people). So Bart convinces Thad that they have to save Meloni, and Thad convinces Bart that there has to be another way - one where they get their mom back and the Allens don’t have to be hunted. 

The whole story would be leading up to the two of them coming to this conclusion; the healthy middle between the two extremes. Where they have the maturity to plan ahead and sort through their differences and figure out the best course of action with the least amount of collateral, but they don’t let go of that adolescent need for justice and fairness - that thing that makes you dig in your heels and say “no. That’s not fair, that’s not right.” 

SO here’s where I’d put the title card: “Bartholomew and Thaddeus Take Down The Government”. How do they do it? No idea! I’m flyin by the seat of my pants here! Do they run for office? Do they publicize the president’s crimes in such a way he gotta go to jail? Do they somehow turn public opinion against him enough to get him out of office? idk!!! And I don’t remember enough about Earthgov’s political situation to put an accurate read on what exactly they might do to disrupt it. 

Either way they don’t kill him, manage to free their mom, and they all go back to the past together. And a new arc would involve the three of them getting settled in the past; Meloni would be a main character now, and hers is a two-pronged fish out of water story where she’s trying to figure out how shit works in the past, with overtones of the struggles of being a single parent. 

And... I’m not going to say any more about that because this is long enough already oof. 

TL;DR I think a coming of age story would be cool for Bart, and having to deal with growing up when he never really had a childhood. Also the comic itself would be aimed at younger audiences, who can probably relate to having a Bad Time in the Teens and wacky hijinks with friends and siblings.

Hey, speaking of the Aizen/Ichigo time travel notfic, I just want to say I really love the way y ou write Aizen when he isn't just the villain. Like I don't even know why Im surprised, it's /you/, your characterization is always amazing. Do you think you can write a few more snippets or hcs with him and Ichigo? Maybe some interactions or convesations between them? No pressure ofc, thank you for everything youv'e already blessed us with!

Lol thank you! That’s good to hear, I always find flat characters painful to read so I do my best to round them out whenever I can. Aizen was a new one for me, this is the first time I’ve explored his character beyond - as you say - just the villain of the story that’s been defeated or needs defeating.

Here’s two more short scenes in this ’verse. I actually really like this AU, which surprises me because before this, I didn’t have any interest in writing Aizen at all.

Pinglist: @yoshifics @bewarethemandragora @runeofluna @selenedreamwalker @hypnos28 @verticallychallengedintrovert @fandommaniac2401 @lovingempress @cynthia-of-the-wallflowers @shadowsofmoonracer @pairp @warriorofbooks @charlottedabookworm @lyra689 @sheyrenawyrsabane @sora-the-empress @xadriannax @yumeniai @arrysa @lirial89-fanfiction @skysong246 @caiahat @grimreaper19 @arosethornbyanyothername @mtkiseki @kaminoko-x @nesskyru @tatarako @parklena42 @zibeth-a @aerdnanocte @timegrenades @healingmichiko @shiko-rae @soraofmelody @fandoms-make-the-world-go-round @north-peach @yannilicious @wolfsrainrules @franticchanges @tremendouslyminiaturequeen @moon6shadow-main @naramyon @presumenothing @miralifox @nonbinary-hawke @dejunco @yuzukimist @raz-ia @13oddballbooks 

[Dinner]

Sousuke generously reserves a table for two at the sushi restaurant a block down from the Academy. He only has to wait ten minutes before Ichigo slouches into the seat opposite his, looking like every student who’s ever pulled three all-nighters in a row rushing for exams.

Sousuke arches an eyebrow. “I did not think the course load you are taking would be difficult for you.”

Ichigo shoots a glare at him but doesn’t seem to have the energy to hold it for longer than a few seconds before he’s slumping again and reaching for the menu instead.

“The course load is fine,” Ichigo tells him irritably. “But one of my teachers used to be Thirteenth Division and has some stupid grudge against Kaien because Ukitake-san passed him over for lieutenant even though he had a longer tenure than Kaien or something. So he’s taking it out on me by giving me extra assignments out of the blue every week. Says I’ll fail his class if I don’t do them.” He waves a dismissive hand. “I kinda wanna call his bluff, but it’s whatever, I just wanna graduate as soon as possible, and I can deal with a case of asshole. It was just a little tougher lately cuz of midterms but today was my last one anyway.”

Sousuke studies him for a careful moment. “You could mention it to your cousin. I am sure Shiba Kaien would jump to your defense, especially when he is involved.”

“Yeah, and that’s exactly why I’m not gonna tell him,” Ichigo scowls. “He’ll go charging in and kick up a huge fuss and definitely go overboard defending my honour or some shit. He’ll probably get Hisakawa fired, which I don’t really care about, but he’ll also draw a crapload of attention, and I don’t want anybody tossing words like nepotism and favouritism around. You told me yourself the Twelfth doesn’t seem to have many big clan members, and it’s not exactly a shock that Kisuke chooses people for his Division according to their intelligence. I don’t want him thinking I’m coasting by on my clan’s reputation or something, and that’s exactly what will happen  if I get Kaien to step in for me for every little thing.” He pointedly sticks his menu up between them. “Now can we order already? I literally haven’t eaten anything but instant ramen in a week. I’m getting everything here since you’re paying.”

“Oh I am, am I?” Sousuke enquires dryly.

“I’m poor, deal with it.”

“I am fairly certain your clan would shower you with money if you mention that you need it,” Sousuke points out. “And nobody else would even know if you are so concerned about reputation.”

Ichigo grimaces even as he glances around to catch the waiter’s eye. “Kaien’s already giving me a stipend every month cuz I’m family but I wanna save that for an apartment when I graduate. Besides, I don’t like asking people for money.”

Sousuke gives him a flatly droll look. “And yet.”

Ichigo meets his gaze without hesitation, a smirk curling at his lips, one that teeters between gruff amusement and a reckless sort of mockery. “Consider it payment for creeping on me when I was a kid and then dragging me into a war. You almost killed me multiple times; sushi’s the least you owe me, bastard.”

They pause for a minute to place their respective orders, and neither of them speaks until the waiter is out of earshot again.

“I wonder,” Sousuke murmurs, eyeing Ichigo thoughtfully. “If you blame Urahara Kisuke for ‘dragging you into a war’ as much as you blame me.”

Ichigo snaps his chopsticks and then jabs them at him. “Kisuke apologized. You didn’t.”

“And I never will,” Sousuke agrees, because he won’t, not with any kind of sincerity, and he’s noticed that Ichigo has a knack for picking out that sort of thing. Sousuke isn’t sorry. Perhaps his ambitions and plans gave the boy very little choice in the matter, but at the end of the day, it was still Kurosaki Ichigo who chose to fight instead of bow or run away, and Sousuke can respect him enough as a former formidable enemy to give credit where it’s due.

Ichigo made his choices, just as Sousuke made his own, and they’ll both live with them just the same, good and bad.

“No,” Ichigo acknowledges easily, and Sousuke knows no one else who can say that in this situation with no anger or bitterness, just a resigned sort of acceptance as if he made his peace with this truth a long time ago. Instead, he only points his chopsticks at Sousuke again. “But that’s why you have to pay for my sushi and Kisuke doesn’t.”

Sousuke watches him for a moment longer and idly wonders if he’ll ever understand the kind of person Kurosaki Ichigo is. One day, perhaps, but at least in the meantime, he won’t be bored.

He inclines his head just as the first of their dishes arrive.

“As you say,” He acquiesces, and Ichigo flashes a grin like he’s won something important. Oddly enough, it amuses Sousuke more than anything else. But there are worse things than amusement, and for now, he lets it be.

Well, he lets that be anyway. Ichigo is a… puzzle that Sousuke probably won’t tire of putting together for a good while yet, and that suits him just fine.

On the other hand…

He steps quietly into the classroom, shutting the door behind him. The click makes the man sitting behind the desk at the front look up. “Aizen-fukutaichou? This is… unexpected. Did we have a meeting I forgot about?”

Hisakawa’s confusion is understandable. As far as Sousuke can remember, in both timelines, he’s never spoken to the other Shinigami. Hisakawa was insignificant before - sub-par intellect and mediocre strength, not good for anything but canon fodder, which Aizen had plenty of Hollows for - and he’s just as insignificant now. It’s just that he’s also making a nuisance of himself this time around, which is unfortunate for him.

“Hisakawa-sensei,” Sousuke greets with a pleasant smile as he approaches. “We do not, as far as I am aware. I simply wished to speak to you about one of our mutual students.”

“Oh, well, of course,” Hisakawa frowns quizzically. “Which student are you talking about? Is it a schedule conflict? Those should’ve been ironed out months ago though.”

Sousuke supposes the man gets points for touching on the only problem a student attending both their classes could have. Hisakawa teaches history - a core class - while Sousuke only teaches calligraphy as an elective. They don’t have much else in common.

Then again, if schedule conflicts were ironed out months ago, it obviously can’t be that, and there’s no point bringing it up. Sousuke takes it back. Hisakawa is still just as much of a waste of space as Sousuke has always believed him to be. Honestly, the hiring standards these days. If this was Shiba Kaien’s competition for the lieutenant seat, no wonder Ukitake refused to fill the position with anyone else even if it meant waiting a decade for the Shiba Clan Head to accept.

“No, it is nothing of that sort,” Sousuke agrees. “But it has come to my attention that Shiba Ichigo-kun has been receiving quite a number of… extracurricular assignments from you.”

Hisakawa immediately bristles, and a sneer slashes itself across his face. “Oh, he’s been complaining, has he?”

“He has mentioned it to me,” Sousuke says mildly.

Hisakawa snorts. “I wasn’t aware Shibas even knew calligraphy existed,” He mutters snidely before saying, louder and more patronizing, “You shouldn’t listen to him, Aizen-fukutaichou. You know how Shibas can be, they’re always exaggerating. I’m not giving Shiba more work than he needs. His history marks could use some work, and I’m trying to help. I hear he wants to graduate in a year, and he can’t do that if he fails a core class.”

Sousuke hums a considering note. “He is in danger of failing? How strange. Shiba-kun takes after his cousin, does he not? Another prodigy.”

Hisakawa’s sneer only grows more pronounced. “They give that title to any clan kid these days, it doesn’t mean anything. Trust me, Shiba’s history marks alone will probably see him here next year, especially if he’s going around whining about not getting special treatment.”

Sousuke raises an eyebrow. “I admit, I am rather surprised by that. You see, I have read some of Shiba-kun’s history papers.” He hasn’t had much of a choice. For whatever reason, Ichigo likes working in his office, and he has the strangest tendency to paper his work all over the floor. And paperwork gets boring, and Ichigo’s thought process can be… interesting, even on the most mundane topics. “I am no expert on the subject of course, but from what I could tell, his work is always thoroughly researched and well-written. Perhaps you should take another look.”

Hisakawa’s face turns steadily red, and he pushes to his feet even as he accuses, “So you think just because he has a clan backing him, he should get special treatment too! I thought better of you, Aizen-fukutaichou.”

Sousuke has to suppress a chuckle but amusement slips into his expression anyway, because Hisakawa’s features darken to something downright hostile. “His marks will stay the same. In fact, I might fail him just on principle! I didn’t think Shiba was a coward too, sending another teacher to beg a better grade out of me just because he can’t handle my class.”

Sousuke stares him down for a long unblinking moment, until Hisakawa is almost twitching from the tension stretched between them. Only when the man opens his mouth again, no doubt to splutter out something belligerent, does Sousuke sigh and drop a hand to his Zanpakutou.

“Well, I did try,” He muses, mostly to himself.

He draws his blade. Hisakawa stares and doesn’t even make a move for his own Zanpakutou. What a fool.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Normally,” Sousuke explains courteously. “I would not bother stepping in on behalf of a student, especially when that student would - I dare say - be rather cross with me should he find out. But we have plans to carry out, and I will not allow something so trivial to hinder them.”

Hisakawa gawps at him. How unsightly.

“You need not worry,” Sousuke adds. “You will not remember a thing.”

Finally, Hisakawa reaches for his Zanpakutou, the first blush of alarm rising in his features. “Wait, have you gone insane, Aizen? What do you think attacking me is even going to do? I- I won’t be threatened-!”

“Shatter,” Sousuke cuts him off, smiling benignly even as his reiatsu swells around them. “Kyouka Suigetsu.”

And Hisakawa’s expression goes slack as the hynosis takes hold, slithering into the deepest recesses of his mind.

“You should be honoured,” Sousuke murmurs. “This will be some of my finest work. After all, anything less and Ichigo-kun might notice. And I would rather not be scolded again.”

(This Is A Time Skip But Also Does Tumblr Not Know How To Center Shit)

[Sight]

Sousuke glances up as a shadow passes through his window before returning to his paperwork. “Shouldn’t you be working?”

A disgruntled noise answers him. “Kis- Urahara-taichou is neck-deep in a new experiment; he’s not gonna notice I’m missing for days, never mind one afternoon.”

“And you decided to come visit me?” Sousuke can’t help but find that amusing, considering their past. “How thoughtful.”

He pauses when Ichigo doesn’t snipe something back, as is fairly standard these days. He looks up. Ichigo isn’t even looking in his direction. Instead, he’s still perched on the windowsill, and his gaze is slanted to one shadowed corner  above the bookshelf across the room.

“…Ichigo-kun?”

Ichigo blinks, then turns to him and hops down into the office. “Hey, so, I figured it out,” He says abruptly. His eyes flit around the room again, and Sousuke notices the way they dart from shadow to shadow before finally focusing on him again. “The seeing into their little shadow world thing.”

Sousuke straightens. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Ichigo lifts a hand, and pale blue light sparks off his fingertips.

Sousuke stares. How fascinating. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen any other Quincy wield reishi so casually.

“I think I can make it so you can see them too,” Ichigo continues. “I’m gonna have to… fiddle with your eyesight a bit though.”

Sousuke pins him with an assessing look before slowly reaching up to take off his glasses. “If you end up blinding me, I will stab you before you make it out of this room.”

Ichigo rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, but I’m not gonna do that. Now hold still and close your eyes.”

It takes effort not to flinch, much to Sousuke’s irritation. But the grip he still has around his writing brush tightens anyway when cool fingers touch his eyelids.

It barely feels like anything. There’s a tingle that itches a little, but it’s there and gone within seconds, leaving only an odd chill behind, not unlike getting a cold gust of wind to the face during winter. Ichigo withdraws, and Sousuke opens his eyes.

Nothing looks different. He doesn’t actually need glasses to begin with so everything is clear. He cocks a questioning look at Ichigo, who shakes his head.

“Wait for it,” He murmurs, taking a seat on the edge of Sousuke’s desk and absently shuffling through the top file in the inbox. “They’re not always spying on everyone. But you’re a person of interest to them, you know that, so I think they check in on you pretty often.” He pauses, and his gaze slides across the room before he focuses on the file in his hands again. “Here he comes. Don’t let him see you watching him.”

Sousuke follows his brief line of sight, just in time to see a very familiar blond head bob into view in the shadow cast by the couch set against the wall. It isn’t a very big shadow, a foot high at most, so Sousuke only gets to see the face and part of his neck and a little of the high white collar of his uniform, but it’s enough.

The next second, he’s reaching for one of his books and flipping it open like that was why he looked up from his paperwork at all. But now that he can see that he’s being watched, can sense it even, and so blatantly too, the urge to simply get up and run the Quincy through for his gall is tempting. Only the knowledge that he can’t at the moment stays his hand.

Can he hear us? Sousuke scrawls on a spare piece of paper.

“No,” Ichigo mutters back. “I tested it. It’s like a soundproofed window. I mean, it is now.” He smirks triumphantly out of sight of the Quincy. “Before I figured it out, it was like one of those one-way mirrors. Now we can see them too. But we can’t hear them, and they can’t hear us. They might know how to lip-read though, so be careful anyway.”

Well, obviously. Giving the game away this early would be foolish.

Sousuke watches through his periphery as the Quincy gives them both a last cursory blank look before his head moves out of the shadow and disappears again.

“Jugram Haschwalth,” Sousuke murmurs, surveying his office before turning his attention to Ichigo. “And they can see through every shadow in Soul Society?”

“As far as I can tell, yeah,” Ichigo scowls darkly. “They’re a bunch of regular Peeping Toms.” He grins for a moment, all teeth. “You would’ve made great friends.”

Sousuke narrows a reprimanding look at him. Ichigo just grins wider, not at all repentant, but he doesn’t push further either.

“What should we do now?” He asks instead. “I’m still working on figuring out a way to get through, but at least we can see them. Do we just keep doing what we’re doing and try not to draw their attention?”

“Yes,” Sousuke decides. “But also, mark down who they look in on most, who they consider to be the biggest threats, and who they’ve overlooked but can be threats to them.” He puts his glasses back on. “How long will I be able to see them?”

Ichigo shrugs. “Eh, not sure. You’re my first guinea pig.” Sousuke sighs. At least Ichigo looks a little sheepish now. “We can do a few tests over the weekend or something when I don’t have work. I probably should get back now.”

“I thought you said Urahara wouldn’t notice,” Sousuke says sardonically.

“He won’t,” Ichigo confirms. “But Hiyori will. She’s yelling at the science department at the moment though, and that always takes at least an hour, so I figured I’d take the chance to come show you this-” He waves a hand in the direction of the shadow Jugram was in. “-since I finally got it down this morning.”

Sousuke glances lingeringly at him. You could have waited, he almost says, but the words don’t come in the end, and a moment later, Ichigo is halfway out the window again.

“Anyway, see ya later,” He calls back briskly. “I finally got my first paycheck yesterday so I bought groceries. If you want free dinner, swing ’round my place and I’ll feed you. And we can talk more about the Peeping Toms.”

And then he’s gone in a rush of Shunpo, leaving Sousuke to stare after him, feeling strangely wrong-footed.

But then, Ichigo has a habit of leaving him that way.

Sousuke sighs again, puts it out of his mind, and gets back to work, firmly ignoring the blond-haired spy that sidles back into his office via the shadow in one corner of the ceiling this time.

But he can’t wait until Ichigo figures out a way to get through. He’s chopping the head off of this one personally.

My Favorite Bands

~Hi so my name is Kiara and I haven’t really been on here in a while BUT I decided that I would make a post about my favorite bands just for y’all to get to know me a little bit so yeah enjoy ig~

1.) Palaye Royale

- So palaye royale have been my favorite band for maayyybbeeee over a year now I think. And boy oh boy do I love them a whole lot. They’ve really inspired me A LOT and that usually doesn’t happen a lot with me so that obviously means a whole damn lot. They’re also just genuinely great guys from what I’ve seen I’ve literally been DYING to go to one of their concerts and yeah idk what else to say about them soooo let’s continue shall we.

Favorite Song: Morning Light

https://youtu.be/WZ9ALGG11CA

Favorite Album: Boom Boom Room Side A

2.) Greta Van Fleet

- Gvf has JUST recently become one of my favorite bands but BITCH when I tell you I love these boys I LOVE THESE BOYS. I’ve literally been listening to them for a couple weeks but I just love them so much wow. And just like palaye royale they’ve inspired me a lot as well so that’s even better. I honestly think that we need more rock bands that sound like them now and yeah they’re just wow. I have no other words so next band.

Favorite Song: Black Smoke Rising

https://youtu.be/8cepUUKMp1g

*im not doing my favorite album for this one cuz they literally only have one so🤪*

3.) Bring Me The Horizon

- Bmth has been one of my favorite bands since middle school like im dead ass talking about since like 7th grade they’ve been one of my favorite bands AND IM GONNA BE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL SO. And also as I’m making this post I’m listening to them so you know. But yeah I’ve always loved their music a lot they really hit different. And EVEN THOUGH I may not have liked count your blessings that doesn’t mean I still don’t enjoy their music. Also amo JUST started to grow on me and at first I didn’t like it but now it really SLAPS and I’m really down with their change in sound I’m not really that mad about it.

Favorite Song: Sleepwalking

https://youtu.be/1EA8g4-vEAQ

Favorite Album: Sempiternal

4.) Arctic Monkeys

- Once again I’ve probably been listening to Arctic Monkeys since like 7th grade and TBFH I’ve never heard a bad song by them. Like every one of their songs I enjoy and isn’t that just a lovely thing to have. Also Alex Turner is dead ass old enough to be my father but that’s not the point of this post. But yeah I listen to them all the time I’ve always loved their music BUT I’m not gonna lie when tranquillity base hotel and casino came out I wasn’t the BIGGEST fan of it but once again it grew on me and it is truly a blessing on this damn earth if I do say so myself.

Favorite Song: 505

https://youtu.be/KfEEm4Zx-EU

Favorite Album: Favourite Worst Nightmare

5.) The 1975

- Wow another band I’ve been listening to since middle school how fun. Yes I’ve been listening to the 1975 since middle school and I’ve put my friends onto them too so that’s even better. I’ve also NEVER heard a bad song by the 1975 I swear to god they’re all good. I like the diversity (I think that’s the word I’m looking for) of their songs because if you’re in your feels they have some GOOD ass songs to listen to but if you’re happy you can listen to other songs as well and they’re just wow. I love my kings I really do.

Favorite Song: Sex

https://youtu.be/UKIhXi-yiw8

*i don’t have a favorite album by them it’s way too hard to pick*

6.) 5 Seconds of Summer

- Okay so almost all of these bands I’ve been listening to since middle school and 5sos is also one of them hehe. Anyhow 5sos has a SPECIAL place in my heart I love them so much I even went to one if their concerts (to specify it was the rock out with your socks out tour) AND LORD WAS IT FANTASTIC. I wanna go to another one of their concerts again so very badly I miss them. Their music really grew into something absolutely beautiful and I’m ECSTATIC for their new album to come out omg I’m so excited. These boys just really hold a special place in my heart they just do.

Favorite Song: Castaway

https://youtu.be/RwGcOn8zPtw

*okay I don’t have a favorite album by them either oops*

Honorable Mention:

Black Veil Brides

- So the reason why bvb is an honorable mention is because they used to be my favorite band OF ALL time for the LONGEST time but you know shit changes and I stopped listening to them for a little bit. Okay let me rephrase that. I didn’t necessarily stop listening to them I just fell out of interest. I was still a fan of them but I just didn’t listen to them as much as I used to and I started to like other bands a lot more than them if any of what I just said makes sense. But you know I’ve been listening to them a lot more again and man they really hold a special place in my heart. I’ve been listening to them since middle school once again and WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS IN LOVE WITH THEM I WAS IN L O V E WITH THEM. I don’t think anybody will really understand the love I had for them (and still kinda do) unless you were friends with me in middle school. I was OBSESSED with Andy I was so in love with him omg. I mean I still kinda am it’s just A LOT different. But they were really my favorite band ever I listened to them all the time and they really inspired me in middle school as well and not to sound repetitive but they really do TRULY hold a special place in my heart and they always well. I’m gonna lose my mind when the 10 year anniversary of we stitch these wounds comes up. (Also as im making this post it’s been 10 years since knives and pens came out so that’s exciting). I don’t know what else to say so I guess I’ll just leave it at that.

Favorite Song: Knives and Pens

https://youtu.be/gFDCHdKbKBY

Favorite Album: We Stitch These Wounds & Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones

*it was really hard for me to pick a favorite album and favorite song tbh I didn’t even know what to pick*

~Alrighty that’s the end of my post and I’m sorry for any grammatical errors and for the nonsense I’m speaking. Also I apologize for the repetivness of most of these I just didn’t know what to say. ALSO I would like to point out that I have more favorite bands than this but I’m probably gonna make a separate post for them because they’re all older bands so I’ll just make a post solely dedicated to older rock bands and what not. But yeah that’s all thank you for taking the time to hear me spew all my bullshit~

April 3rd-April 9th, 2019 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from April 3rd, 2019 to April 9th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:

What webcomic inspired you to get into webcomics?  Please tell us about your journey. 

lonelytuatara

there were several for me but I think Sakana was one of the biggest inspirations for me! http://www.sakana-comic.com/ since Mad talks a lot about her process with the comic it really helped make it feel less like some kinda magic that I didn’t know how to do and more like something I could try myself

RebelVampire

honestly i find this to be a difficult question. im old enough to remember when internet wasnt a thing. so when it became a thing, there were basically always webcomics. and it was just kind of like...a normal thing to be read on the internet just as much as anything else. i never saw it as a lesser medium as some ppl have experienced. it was just always there along with the internet so it always felt natural to me to read them if they seemed interesting. that being said, if i had to pick the first webcomic that ever made me stick around for a long time, it was Bleedman's Powerpuff Girls D fancomic. Besides the fact it was super popular at the time, i just thought it was really different. like the art popped a lot more than other comics at the time (that i knew of at least), the story was way less comedy more actually serious material, and just in general i enjoyed the story telling. https://www.snafu-comics.com/swmseries/powerpuffgirls/

Iris

homestuck was the biggest one for me, but others like Witchy, Lady of the Shard, and Tuppence for Stardust are also big inspirations

€heshire777

I kind of networked out from online newspaper comics into actual webcomics and beyond, it's kind of hard to tell but I think Skin Horse (http://skin-horse.com/) was pretty much the first webcomic I got into.(edited)

RebelVampire

cause a true hyperlink comes with the http part. http://skin-horse.com/

also please wrap the hyperlink in < and > so the embed is prevented. it keeps the chat cleaner @€heshire777(edited)

yes sorry XD

im multi tasking and didnt notice the wrong tag

€heshire777

S'fine

I know that guy from a different server too

RebelVampire

@Iris please make sure to link the comics next time https://www.homestuck.com/ http://witchycomic.com/ https://gigidigi.itch.io/lady https://tapas.io/series/tuppenceforstardust

Iris

oh crud, sorry. I'm tired and absent-minded this morning

Respheal

I'm a keenspace child apparently, 'cuz my first introductions to webcomics were Saturnalia (https://web.archive.org/web/20070705042710/http://www.spacecoyote.com/comics/sat/) and RPG World (http://rpgworld.keenspace.com/). Both are dead now, although RPG World has a sorta-creator-blessed fan revival (http://rpgworld.the-comic.org/) And then I sorta fell away from them for a bit, mostly, until a friend threw Mokepon (http://mokepon.smackjeeves.com/) and The Property of Hate (http://tpoh.smackjeeves.com/) at me and now I'm back xD

kayotics

I started reading webcomics back in the early 2000’s so I was consuming everything that was available, but I think the first one that actually made me think “I want my art to be like that” was The Meek https://www.meekcomic.com/ Up until that point I read mostly video game comics and they were funny but not inspiring me to make a comic. The Meek was gorgeous and interesting in a way that I hadn’t seen before.

varethane

A friend of mine made a webcomic in the early 2000s and I will not link it because it baaad, but that was my introduction to webcomics-- though when I started reading Terinu ( http://www.terinu.com/ ) and Lackadaisy Cats ( https://www.lackadaisycats.com/ ) was when I started wanting to make one of my own

The Meek and Gunnerkrigg Court were also early influences for me

oh, and hero! I loved this comic back in the day http://invisiblecities.comicgenesis.com/story.html

there were a handful of others that are no longer around, like Vampirates and Goodbye Chains and Astray3, all of which have vanished forever

Delphina

Acid Reflux (http://acidreflux.ficwad.com/) was the first webcomic I really got into back in 2000. The humor was a great blend of anime and light fantasy, which is definitely my happy place. The forum/IRC communities were big for the time too (and of course there was no social media back then outside of what people hosted themselves). When I started my own comic, one of my goals was to have a community like that.

varethane

yeah I totally used to hang out on the terinu forums and shared fanart and stuff XD

(and on my friends' forum which shall not be named)

Delphina

Yeah, standards were different back then XDDD

varethane

ohhhh yeahhh.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

The first webcomic I got into was Looking for Group https://www.lfg.co/. I'm a huge sucker for medieval settings, so my influences revolve around core fantasy, like Legend of Zelda and Lord of the Rings, but I also LOVE for my fantasy to not be taken as seriously with a good sense of humor, like LFG, Discworld, Dungeons and Dragons, and even The Adventure Zone. Seeing them create a graphic novel was sort of a catalyst for me deciding to make my own. I hope I do well for myself to contribute to the unique fantasy/comedy genre!(edited)

Brodnork

I actually started making webcomics before I knew they were a thing

When I was super young I made comic strips inspired by Calvin and Hobbes all the time

And when I got a deviantart account I started posting them

I think Calvin and Hobbes was a huge inspiration for my early work

Although I really started taking comics seriously when I started reading Cucumber Quest

https://cucumber.gigidigi.com/(edited)

Cucumber Quest

gigi

Calvin and Hobbes really inspired me to make comedy comics, and I loved the variety of backgrounds that were drawn in it

Cucumber Quest has lovely colours and a well written story, so I looked at pages from it a lot when I started teaching myself how to make colour palettes

magusferox

Anybody here read Kill Six Billion Demons? Epic stuff imo https://killsixbilliondemons.com/

€heshire777

Now I am

mika

i should make a tumblr page with all my favs

rae

for my old comic I put a bunch of my favs in the links section because I wanted more people to read them. XD

varethane

That's what I did too XD

though it's gotten a little bit out of date and I haven;t made a new one yet for my new comic

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I keep my active reading list on ComicRocket these days (https://www.comic-rocket.com/users/SailorPtah/), and when they finish...or stop updating...I move them to the on-site reclist (http://www.bicatperson.com/links/references/finished-comics/).

Some of the oldest ones I remember reading are Venus Envy, Catball & Clown Girl, Boy Meets Boy, 1/0, Alternate Delusions, and girly. (So, also a Keenspace child, lol.) http://www.venusenvycomic.com/index.php http://catball.comicgenesis.com/ http://boymeetsboy.keenspot.com/ http://oneoverzero.comicgenesis.com/ http://altdelusions.comicgen.com/ http://girlyyy.com/

ShaRose49

The first webcomic I ever read was Michelle Phan’s Helios Femina, Just cause I was a fan of her makeup tutorials. I started reading it but stopped and then when I started making my own webcomics last year I got into it again, but the story turned out to be not my thing, but freaking gorgeous art. Then I got into Planet Ace, Shiori, and webtoons like UnOrdinary and Spaceboy, and The Villain. Just sooooo good brings back some great summer memories. http://planet-ace.smackjeeves.com/ https://m.webtoons.com/en/fantasy/helios-femina/list?title_no=638&webtoon-platform-redirect=true https://m.webtoons.com/en/challenge/the-villain/list?title_no=188266&page=1&webtoon-platform-redirect=true https://www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofile.php?id=143025 https://m.webtoons.com/en/fantasy/unordinary/list?title_no=679&page=1&webtoon-platform-redirect=true https://m.webtoons.com/en/drama/space-boy/list?title_no=400&page=1&webtoon-platform-redirect=true(edited)

RebelVampire

@ShaRose49 please wrap the links in < and > to prevent the embed

ShaRose49

Oh sorry!

Do you just stick the link in between <>?

€heshire777

yep

Make sure there's no space though

ShaRose49

Okeydokey!

I’ll definitely do that next time

ShaRose49

Oh can I edit?

I really don’t know discord that well

€heshire777

Hold click/press the message for options(edited)

RebelVampire

i think thats mobile only

on desktop you hit the three dots on the right

€heshire777

ah

ShaRose49

Fixed!

RebelVampire

thank you~!

ShaRose49

No prob thanks for helping me

€heshire777

sure

August TC Challenge

OK so im stupid and realized too late I can just post all the days I missed on one post I am so sorry for the spam huuuuuuuuuuu ToT

27. Tell us about one funny thing he/she has done while you were NOT in class!

K actually told me about this. This was not during my class but another class. What happens in lotsa art history classes is that ppl think its an easy A and dont even try. K does all she can to make art history interesting and they don’t give a shit and just leave early? Sometimes during the test? They didn’t even get a textbook yet and it was finals? (mostly the kids who are there because theyre parents paid for the class instead of themselves, tho not all). And she just threw herself on the front table “I want you guys to have an A+ more than you do!” lol poor k

28. Would you say your tc is a good teacher? Do you like his/her teaching style?

Yes, her style of teaching is very different from most. She just wants you to get the subject. She always tries something new to engage students and make them feel better if they weren’t in the first place. She also understands if you’re insecure about presentations (like this lovely little anxious bABY) and will even talk up there with you

29. Ever met your tc privately? Or saw him/her outside of school?

Yes? but it was for mostly “school related” but not really ahh i can’t say too much cuz im scared someone will find this because our experiences are sooo specific.. like if one person found this and knows her then they’ll know for sure? anybody else with tc/pc blogs feel this???

30. Does somebody around you know about your feelings for him/her? 

haha idk i feel like a lot of people really like K. But no I hope no one knows about it, but most know we are close friends and i wanna keep it that way. but then again i always talk about how great she is

31. And last but not least(!): If your tc is/was teaching you, how long has it took you to realise you have feelings for him/her? If he/she is not, how long did you just saw him/her in the halls until you realised you have feelings for him/her?

we met when she was my prof. These feelings weren’t immediate because I don’t really feel that. K is really sweet and you can tell that from the moment you meet her, but I think once I got to know her story and hung out with her more (about a couple months after the first semester) i caught the feelings

AND THAT’S IT aughh im new to this tcc/pcc so it feels weird being this revealing.. but hopefully you find this endearing or relatable <3

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out 

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕