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crusherthedoctor · 3 years

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Can we have some unpopular Sonic opinions?

I tried to cram in a lot, so I hope this satisfies you. :P I tried to stick to the ones that I haven't brought up quite as often, since by this point, we all know that I think IDW's storytelling is dire, SA2's story is overrated, X Eggman is an embarrassing portrayal (at least from season 2 onwards), Blaze shouldn't be handcuffed to Silver, Shadow's backstory had issues with or without the Black Arms, Neo Metal Sonic looks silly, etc. But anyway, here we go:

- Knuckles may be tricky to incorporate into plots that don't relate to Angel Island, but making him obsessed with his duties is no better than having him forget about Angel Island entirely.

- I like Marine, and never found her annoying. Oh, I understood what they were trying to do with her, but I honestly wasn't put off by her, and found her Aussie lingo more endearing if anything. Since her debut was during the period in my life where where I couldn't stand Sonic himself, I instead thought he was irritating (and hypocritical) for getting annoyed with her for doing shit he would often be guilty of.

- Silver is just as guilty of being shoehorned into games and plots as the Deadly Six are. Having more fans than the latter is irrelevant, since we're still talking about a character who constantly has to time travel in order to be present.

- Speaking of Silver, if he has to stick around, please do something different with him. They've pulled the doomed future routine multiple times now, and it's been boring every single time. I wasn't interested when it involved Iblis. I wasn't interested when it involved Knuckles drinking the edgy Kool Aid. I wasn't interested when it involved a council of dumbasses... give it a rest already.

- The Tails Doll can work as a mildly creepy thing, with maybe more to it than meets the eye when it's time for a boss fight or what have you. But the memes about him stealing your soul are just dumb, and I thought it was dumb even back in my teenage youth.

- “Eggman is supposed to be clownish!” Yeah, well he's also meant to be a genuine villain with a 300 IQ. These qualities don't have to be mutually exclusive.

- “Sonic is supposed to have attitude!” Yeah, well that's not the same thing as being an absolute cunt. Sonic was only ever meant to come off as having an edge compared to Mario. He was never meant to be a GTA-tier protagonist.

- Rouge is not a villain, and never was a villain. Literally the whole point of her role in SA2 was to reveal that she was working against Eggman and Shadow the whole time, albeit using sneakier tactics to do so. You'd think all those people who exult SA2's story would remember this, but apparently not. She barely even qualifies as an anti-hero, since aside from stealing the Master Emerald, she rarely does anything morally questionable otherwise. She's got a lot more good in her than people give her credit for.

- Captain Whisker is a better Eggman Nega than the actual Eggman Nega. And as far as robot characters in this franchise go, Johnny's design is pretty underrated.

- I don't like Iblis or Mephiles, but I DO like Solaris, and it annoys me that it was out of focus for most of the story due to all the time spent on its less interesting halves. Had they kept the backstory with the Duke and his experiments, and worked from there, I think they could have provided an interesting contrast with Chaos (since Solaris can also qualify as a monster with a sympathetic backstory) instead of recycling the surface level schtick.

- Black Doom may technically be just as bad as Mephiles, Nega, Scourge, Mimic, etc, since he's yet another villain with one-note characterization and fucked over Eggman. But because he never gained a disproportionate fandom, he doesn't annoy me to the same extent. It's easier to ignore him by comparison, and his Dr. Claw voice and face shaped like a lady's delicate part make him enjoyable to mock.

- Likewise, while Lyric is also on the same level as these other villains, it's easier to dismiss him because I was never invested in the Boom games anyway, and being an obvious alternate universe (compared to Sonic X or IDW, which retain the Modern designs and plot elements), it never had an effect on the main series. I also unironically like his design, and if nothing else, at least this snake didn't start a hypnotism fetish across the internet.

- Sally - and the rest of the Freedom Fighters for that matter - have had their importance in the franchise severely inflated. They may have been lucky to be the face of popular media (SatAM and Archie), but they're not these magnificent entities that the game characters are but a speck of dust in comparison to. Having a “legacy” doesn't make them more entitled to shit than any other character, old or new.

- Conceptually, the treasure hunting gameplay is one of the better alternate gameplay styles IMO. But it was let down in SA2 by its one track minded radar (the levels may have been big, but I don't think that would have been an issue on its own if the radar was better). If they brought it back and made it more like SA1's treasure hunting, I'd be all for it, although it would probably be better suited for a spinoff title.

- This goes for a lot of games, but when it comes to 2D, I prefer sprites over models. Not that the Rush models are bad (though the ones in Chronicles sure as fuck are), but the sprites in Mania and the Advance trilogy are just so charming and full of character.

- I actually like Marble Zone. Yeah, the level design is a bit blocky, but I love the concept of an underground temple prison, mixed with lava elements in a zone that otherwise isn't a traditional volcano level.

- I also like Sandopolis Zone. Again, completely understand why it's not the most popular zone around, but I've been a sucker for the Ancient Egyptian aesthetic since childhood (you can thank Crash 3 for that), and Act 1 is visually stunning.

- I prefer the JP soundtrack for Sonic CD over the US version overall... but I also prefer Sonic Boom over You Can Do Anything.

- SA2's soundtrack isn't bad by any means - I love Rouge's tracks, and The Last Scene is one of my favourite pieces of music - but as far as variety goes, it's a step down from SA1's soundtrack.

- If Sonic X-Treme had been released, it probably would have been unenjoyable and confusing. Whatever your thoughts on SA1, it was probably the better option between the two as far as Sonic's first legitimate translation into 3D goes.

- I have no qualms with Modern Sonic and the other Modern designs and characters, but I also fully acknowledge that changing gears from Adventure onwards - and doing it with a great amount of fanfare - was always going to create one of the biggest divides in the fandom, and fans shouldn't act surprised that this happened. The fact that they felt the need to hype up a new design and direction in the first place (compared to Mario, who has mostly been the same since the beginning, with only the occasional minor change with little fanfare) also indicates that they weren't confident enough in Sonic and his universe being the way it was, which often gets ignored by all the “SEGA have no confidence!!!” complaints you see with their recent games.

- Unleashed did not deserve the incredibly harsh reviews it received back in the day... but it doesn't deserve its current sacred cow status either. It had more effort put into it than '06 to be sure, and I can respect that, but much of it was misguided effort, and even if you like the Werehog, you have to admit that the idea came at the absolute worst time. The intro cutscene may be awesome, as is the Egg Dragoon fight, but 2% doesn't make up the entire game. Chip was also quite annoying, and I wasn't particularly sad when he pressed F in the chat at the end.

- On the other hand, while Colours definitely has its shortcomings, and people have every right to criticse those shortcomings, a lot of its most vocal detractors tend to have a stick up their arse about the game because people actually enjoyed it, and it had a gimmick that people actually liked. Yes, it may have been the first game to have those writers everyone hates, but then SA1 was the first game to give the characters alternate gameplay styles and have other villains upstage Eggman, so...

- Forces is absolutely not on the level of '06. It's nowhere close. A game being flawed does not make it the next '06, clickbait YouTubers. Or should I say, the game they want to retroactively apply '06's reception to, since they've been trying hard to magically retcon '06's own quality...

- To echo @beevean, ALL of the 3D stories have their issues. SA1 is probably the most well-rounded of them on the whole, but even that one isn't perfect.

- To echo another opinion, although I do love SA1, I'm not crazy over the idea of a remake, and would prefer them to just take Sonic's gameplay from SA1 and work from there. Because with a remake, you're stuck in a hard spot: Do you keep it the way it is bar the expected graphical upgrades, and risk accusations of not doing anything to actually improve the experience? Or do you try to address past criticisms, and risk the wrath of the fans who will inevitably go on a #NotMyAdventure crusade about it? What people fail to consider is that the Crash and Spyro remakes were accepted gracefully because their original iterations were still unanimously beloved for the most part, whereas SA1 - and especially SA2 - have always been divisive, and have only gotten moreso over the years.

- People take their preferences for the character's voice actors too seriously. I have my own favourites like anyone else, but I don't make a big deal out of it.

- And with fandom voice actors, they usually focus too much on doing a basic impression of their preferred official voice actor, and not enough on the acting. So you end up getting a lot of fan voices who sound like decent impressions of Ryan Drummond or Jason Griffith on the surface, but they sound utterly empty beyond that impression, because there's no oomph or depth to the actual emotions. They think about the actor rather than the character, when it should really be the other way around.

- The thing with Ian Flynn is that he is capable of telling a decent story, and he can portray some characters well. But he's proven time and time again that everything will go off the rails if he's given too much freedom (ironic, given how quick he is to point the finger at mandates when something goes wrong).

- Ian Flynn and Shiro Maekawa are not the only people in the world who are allowed to write for Sonic. I understand that one should be cautious when seeking out new writing talent, but for all the fandom's accusations of playing it safe, they sure aren't in a rush to experiment outside of their own comfort zone.

- And of course, the big one: You don't fix the franchise's current problems by crawling back to its previous problems. It's much more helpful and constructive to discuss the good and bad alike with each of the games. Less “THIS GOOD, MODERN BAD”, and more “This could work, but maybe without that part...”

#Crusher's Asks #Opinion #Sonic the Hedgehog

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ikemenshakespeare · 3 years

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Thank you @fittsythesnail for giving me the inspiration to create this OC for Ikemen vampire! She made this piece for me in loving memory of my dog Bowser who passed away a few months ago, and now he gets to live on as part of the Ikemen Vamp fandom as a girls best friend. 🐶🥺💖

Name: Alba Estelle Rossi

Vampiric Type: N/A (Human)

Height: 5’4

Birthday: April 15th (Same day as Leonardo!)

Age: 22

Occupation: Hairdresser

Pet: 9 year old male dog named Bo. Alba took her three sisters out to the park one sunny spring afternoon. They’d been out playing when they found a box near the street with a little mutt inside. After denying the puppy for hours, it turned out she’d be the one most in love with him after one short week! (Bowser’s IkemenVamp persona. 🥺🐶)

Appearance: Although one of the hairdressers in town, Alba keeps her hair it’s bored straight look. The length can range from medium/long depending when she can get around to trimming it herself, hair color is a chestnut brown. Light olive colored skin and green/hazel eyes. Thick dark colored eyebrows. Large breasts.

Childhood: Alba’s the oldest of her mothers four daughters, The sister closest to her in age (Olivia) still seven years younger. Alba was the bastard child of an Italian man, her mother a French woman was still only a teenager when she ran off to be with him. Later in life when Alba was 5 years old her father left to start a family with another woman of legitimate status, leaving her mother to move back to Paris with her and eventually start a new family of her own with a simple fisherman. By the time Alba’s last sister (Therese) was born her mother and stepfather had fallen into deep depression and became alcoholics, unable to take care of their newborn or other two kids, fourteen year old Alba took up the responsibilities as a parent and moved out with her sisters. Always doing the young girls hair paid off, eventually she found a passion for hair dressing. Surprisingly after moving out at age fourteen she continued to live a very happy “childhood” taking care of her sisters. Alba values their peace/happiness over everything and is extremely lucky her oldest sister (Olivia) is nurturing and can take care of the young two (Valerie/Therese) and the house while she worked.

Dislikes: cold weather, humidity, animal cruelty, people who take advantage of others, sleeping in the dark, and laziness.

Likes: meeting others who are just as passionate about something as she is, the idea of traveling the world although she hasn’t been able to yet, sleeping in on days off, animals, a good book, bear hugs, the beach, belly laughs, and a nice hot cup of coffee is the cure to almost anything.

Personality: Basically the definition of extrovert, with Alba the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover.” Is true indeed! Looking simple on the outside and being a box of bubbly cheer on the inside! Very opinionated which is arguably one of her worst traits for some, her mouth has gotten her in some trouble but she wouldn’t change that about herself. Alba’s a rollercoaster of emotions and feels all things deeply. If sad, angry, happy, or anything else for that matter you’ll know! Growing up self reliant it’s hard for her to accept help from others, but when finally convinced to take help she’s always appreciative. A very loyal person and would do anything for those who’ve helped her or are good friends.

Relationships

Leonardo (platonic): Met him when she first became a hairdresser. Leonardo would see her in town, just a young girl offering hair services to make money. Going into town to help others was a hobby of his, there was nothing he could do for Alba other then become a regular customer of hers. And so he did. Every few weeks he came to her for a trim. As time went by Leonardo met her younger sisters and came to know the source of her hard work. As years went by Alba began to realize something about Leonardo aswell. Things were ever changing, she’d quickly went from a young teenager to young woman. Leonardo on the other hand hadn’t changed at all, his appearance hadn’t even so much as dulled. “Leonardo…” she’d asked. “Hmm?” He was getting up from his chair, giving her that same smile he always had. “How old are you?” He grinned further, “a man never tells his secrets” she frowned, “you’ve told me that before.” He chuckled. “doesn’t surprise me. Till next time Alba.” He went to walk out the doors of her home, but what she’d said next shocked him. His back stiffening, forcing him to turn back around to face her. “I don’t know what you are, but I know you’re not like regular people. You gave me that same answer when I first met you. Just know, whatever it is I’ll never be scared of you.” He knew she’d never be scared of him, even if she did know what exactly he was, but boy was he afraid of her. Ever changing, getting older while he stayed the same. He feared to be close to another human and loose them, such fleeting creatures although he couldn’t help but be there for them, be there for her. Eventually since she practically found out for herself the secrets of his vampire life, he coaxed Comte into allowing her to come to the mansion to do his hair. In turn she got an entire mansion full of new clients.

Vincent (close friend): After being invited to the mansion by Leonardo to do hair, Alba immediately began making new relationships with the others. Vincent’s kind demeanor made him the easiest person for her to get on with from the very beginning, he also took a lot of interest in her in general. Always looking for new inspiration for his art he would simply watch as she did hair, painting the scene of her. Unlike some of the others he was very open and was easy to trust. After months of her coming in and out there came a time when the three girls had to come with her to the mansion. They’d play outside giving Vincent even more inspiration for painting. “Alba, would it be alright to paint the girls in the field?” They were always doing something interesting leaving him with tons of happy nature scenes to paint.

Theo (possible romance? 😏): At first he was one of the only residents who paid no mind to Alba. Not even bothering to be serviced by her when she came over. It happened more then once where he’d be looking for Vincent and see him in thralled in a painting of her. “Broer, This woman again? What do you find so fascinating about her?” Vincent just claimed to want to paint and it was something different from a regular scene. “Theo, could we show this peice at our next event?” He hesitated. “You should paint another of her for the event, we should hold on to this one.” He’d admire his work of her in the art room from time to time, wondering why he felt an attraction to the piece of a woman he hadn’t even really met. Months began to pass and Vincent would begin to spend lots of time with Alba outside of mansion. They’d go to brunch, little outings at the park, ect. Of course Theo being Theo, he just absolutely needed to know what his little brother was up to. If he knew where they’d be going that day,he’d sneak a peak on his way to the next job. One of the occasions they were out walking Bo, he noticed Theo watching/lingering in the distance and took off his way. Her dog barked and growled like mad and sent Theo falling on his butt, Alba and Vincent came down the road running. “Broer! Are you alright??” A worried vincent helped his brother up. “Im so sorry about that, I’ve never seen him act this way towards anyone before!” Alba grabbed Bo, struggling with him to calm down. Theo spit out, “Tch! Control your little friend hondjie!” A knot appeared between your brow, “excuse me? What did you just call me?” That’s how you two met officially, not to mention the first of many many bickering matches. Although the last the two spoke, Theo showed a new side of himself. “Alba, We’re having a show later this week. Vincent wanted to display one of the paintings he made of you that day.” You simply nodded, “yeah, I’ve heard from Vincent already and gave him permission.” He sighed, “that’s not what I’m asking. I wanted to invite you to go see the display for yourself.” She hesitated a moment. “Well… I was supposed to cook the kids an early dinner that night. I’m not sure-” cutting her off he rushed the words out, “That’s fine, dinners on me and the girls can come. I’m sure Vincent will join us afterwards aswell.” This really caught her by surprise. She’s be lying if she said Theo wasn’t dangerously attractive. His attitude on the other hand… wasn’t something you thought you were fond of. Seeing the pink blush on his cheeks now as he asked to see you on the other hand… now that was something she couldn’t shake. She wanted more of this and couldn’t tell you why.

#Ikemen Vampire #OC #Leonardo Da Vinci #Vincent Van Gogh #Theo Van Gogh #gifted art #thank you #💖

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skipppppy · 3 years

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4, 6, and 8 for Aria plz

Sure! I love talking about my girl and these are some really interesting questions 👀

The answers ran long and are also kinda heavy (tw for mentions of both abuse and suicide!) so I’m keeping them under the cut so I don’t flood the tl with my ramblings 🥲

4: What is their least favourite childhood memory?

Ooh, she had a LOT of these. (There’s one in particular but I put it as the answer to question 8 bc it fit that question more tbh)

One of her worst memories was from the first time she went to Princess Prom. She was invited as a plus one to Entrapta, and being a young teenager with a head full of romantic fairytales and fantasies she was SO EXCITED. A royal ball filled with handsome Princes and Princesses? It was the perfect place for her to finally meet her one true love! Alas, her childlike naivety was only bound to get her hurt. After a few hours at the ball the slow dance began (her plus one was off performing social experiments), and like everyone else she rushed to the dance floor to find a partner...only to be completely sidelined. Anyone she approached would brush her off or turn to someone else. As the music started and everyone began to waltz back and forth, she just stood there, alone, surrounded by everyone paired up and ignoring her.

Disillusioned and heartbroken, she fled the ballroom in tears and spent the rest of the night hiding and crying her eyes out. After that her self esteem totally shattered. She believed that she was unlovable, worthless, and that she’d be lucky if anyone at all even cared about her romantically. After that she had a habit of falling into toxic relationships, since since she was so afraid of being alone that she would settle for anyone, even if they treated her like garbage. It’s why she has so many terrible exes 😔

6: What is the hardest thing they’ve ever had to do?

Swallowing her grief over losing Horde Prime by a LONGSHOT. His death utterly destroyed her, but the part that hurt the most was that she wasn’t allowed to mourn him.

The moment he was gone she had to turn her attention to all the Clones, lost and afraid without a leader. She had to bottle up all her anger over being sold out by the rebellion, imprisoned and enslaved by the Horde, and being betrayed by some of the most important people in her life. She had to plaster on a happy face and play dignitary to the people who had caused her lifelong trauma in order to help a kingdom she was unprepared to rule alone and it broke her. She had to nod and smile as they spoke ill of her dead husband to her face (I know he had it coming but right in front of his widow??? Fr???) and let them walk all over her in order to keep the peace. Keeping up the illusion genuinely destroyed her, physically and mentally. It got to the point that she made several attempts on her own life because the burden was just too much to bear.

Honestly her downward spiral into villainy was probably the healthiest thing she ever did, because she finally got the chance to unleash all her pent up rage and anger against the people who caused it, and even after whatever attempts at destruction she made failed miserably, she FULLY broke down and was able to properly mourn what she had lost. One the Velvet Glove was fixed and they left Etheria, she stepped down as Empress for a while so she could finally start to heal. It was in that time she also found Horde Prime’s original vessel, still intact, and was able to get some much needed closure and move onto probably the first healthy relationship she’d ever had in her life. (I also like to imagine that she somehow found a way to hold the alliance accountable for their actions, but that’s another story for another day :p)

8: What do you think had the biggest impact on them growing up?

By far? The way she was her mother treated her as a child. One event in particular had a HUGE influence on her as a person but I haven’t really talked about it until now.

Her mother always treated her terribly, being the eldest daughter Aria was either neglected in favour of her younger brothers or being forced to look after them so that she could relax (and laze about on the couch drinking wine). Being about 5 years old she wasn’t particularly happy about this and one day she had the absolute audacity to ask her mom to stop neglecting her. She did NOT take that question well and flew into a drunken rage. Screaming, shouting, throwing things, but it all came to a head when she picked up an empty wine bottle and smashed it against her infant daughter’s face. Thankfully the magic connected to Aria was starting to develop and she was able to heal herself, but she wasn’t strong enough to fix everything, and that’s how she ended up with the scar underneath her eye.

The incident naturally messed Aria up for life, but it also informed a lot of her personality as an adult. After that she became afraid to voice her opinion in fear of punishment, causing her to repress her feelings to an unhealthy degree. Her desire to nurture and care for others didn’t just stem from any natural kindheartedness but also as a stress response; she needed to take responsibility to ease the constant sense of dread her mother’s abuse instilled in her, and she wanted to make sure that no one ever had to suffer the way she did. It was also the reason she wears her hair the way she does. Whenever she had her scar on display people would get curious and ask, and she would have to relive it all over again. After meeting Prime she finally started keeping her hair out of her eyes, as she finally learnt to stop bottling up her trauma.

#thanks for the ask! I LOVE infodumping about my oc’s trauma THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT BABEY!!!#JUST A PIGEON GIRL WHO’S REALLY DOWN BAD AGDKDGSKDH #spop oc #she ra oc #aria

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laceymorganwrites · 4 years

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Is it snake or snack? (5)

Word count: 1,107

Pairing: Daishou x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, break up, hurt

A/N: You´ll find out what Kuroo said to Daishou sooner or later~

Listen to: Where did you sleep last night? - Nirvana

Series masterlist

Taglist: @samuthots @pepperful-qt @doggonudez

Fuck. You knew Kuroo was up to something, he always was close to finding out about yours and Daishou´s relationship, but you never thought he´d actually find out.

You always thought that you two were good at keeping it a secret, that nobody would ever find out.

But maybe you were being careless, you did talk too much about him, you always invited him to everything, he was always around you and maybe Kuroo didn´t buy the whole childhood friends thing anymore.

Who could blame him? It was hard keeping the one you loved a secret.

Maybe that should´ve been the first sign that this couldn´t work. But you didn´t want to listen, you didn´t want to be rational. You were teenagers and you wanted to be in love, you wanted to feel the thrill of doing something forbidden.

But now you really fucked up.

Why did Kuroo have to ask you now? Why did he have to confront you over text in the bus? Maybe it was better that way, you didn´t have to talk to him and risk a quivering voice giving you away that way.

But you also couldn´t text Daishou to warn him, because Kuroo would see.

Bastard.

Why did he have to be so goddamn persistent? So perceptive? What did he even gain from getting to know the truth? He probably wanted to break you two up, but for what? Then again, Kuroo always thrived off being right and getting his way.

In a state of panic you lied to him, hoping that he´d forget about the whole Daishou thing, you hoped he´d leave you alone if you said that you and Kenma were in a relationship.

Sure enough he did. Luckily he believed you as Kenma was always very clingy to you and one of your closest friends, you two always got mistaken as a couple anyways.

And yet you had a bad feeling about this. A very bad one.

You just wanted to be with Daishou right now. Sure, he´d be there soon, but you couldn´t be with him. You couldn´t even cheer for him, let alone look at him or Kuroo would connect the dots.

Your nerves didn´t calm down at all when you arrived, not one single bit, instead you grew more anxious by the second.

Kenma noticed and reached out for your hand to squeeze it to calm you down. You gratefully smiled at him before pulling him to the side, earning a grin from Kuroo who just called out to you not to be gone too long.

Luckily the rest of the team went ahead and left you two alone.

“What´s wrong? You seem nervous… but you don´t have to be, I mean we´re gonna win either way. We always do” he tried to reassure you but you only shook your head, taking a deep breath.

“No, no, it´s not about the game, Ken… I fucked up, fucked up real bad” your voice started shaking and so did your hands as you started pacing, millions of thoughts rushing through your head.

“Promise me to keep what I´m gonna tell you now a secret?” you asked with a pleading look, Kenma nodded, looking at you in anticipation.

He was worried about you, he wasn´t used seeing you in such a distressed state, he didn´t like it.

“Daishou and me are together. Since the beginning of this year. And Kuroo found out, well he told me he did and I panicked and so I kind of told him that we´re dating. I´m sorry to drag you into this… it´s just… I didn´t know what to do… I didn´t want Kuroo to find out, you know how much he hates Sugu…” you unloaded everything on him and Kenma just nodded along.

He didn´t say anything, just listened to whatever you had to say.

“Hm… I never got why he had such a problem with him… it´s a bit excessive. So I get why you kept it a secret. And I guess I´ll play my part until Kuroo stops prying, but have you told Daishou already?” he asked.

You shook your head.

“I couldn´t. Kuroo texted me that he knew earlier in the bus and I couldn´t text Sugu because Kuroo would´ve seen. I hoped I could catch him before the game, but I don´t think I´ll be able to… we´ll have to go in soon and Kuroo has his eyes on me, he´d know that something is up if I went to him” you thought out loud, this was such a fucking mess. Why did Kuroo have to pry into things that were none of his business? And why couldn´t you just admit that you were with Daishou?

“Okay, makes sense… just tell him when you get the chance” he said.

Kenma felt so bad for you, you didn´t deserve to be put in this situation.

“We should head back, the game´s starting soon. You need to get dressed” you were still holding hands as you entered the gym, a force of habit you developed back when Kenma used to get lost in crowds.

“Took you long enough, lovebirds” Kuroo called out as he saw you, he seemed to have been talking to Daishou who looked absolutely wrecked.

You would never forget the look on his face as he faced you, he looked so broken, so sad, so betrayed and you never knew why. He never told you. Kuroo also never told you what he had told him on that day.

“Come on, Kenma, you need to get dressed” Kuroo said and led him away, following after him into the dressing room, leaving you and Daishou alone.

You had hoped to get some closure, or at least tell him about what had happened, but before you had the chance, he averted his eyes, frowning.

“We´re done” was the last thing he said to you, coldly brushing past you to get on the court.

This wasn´t fair, it was straight up cruel…

Why?

He didn´t even give you a chance to say anything, to explain yourself, he just broke things off and left without sparing you another glance.

And the worst thing was that you couldn´t even get emotional. You couldn´t cry or scream or do anything.

You had to walk away as if nothing happened, as if everything was normal, to go support your team, to make sure that everything was in its right place and to ease their nerves.

Kuroo held his captain speech and said some things to motivate the team, but you couldn´t hear any of it, you couldn´t focus on anything but your aching heart.

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sw-daydreamer · 4 years

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More fan reactions!

SOURCE: tvsourcemagazine.com/2019/12/the-rise-of-skywalker-roundtable/

First Impressions of the movie?

Cam: Honestly, the first thought that kept repeating in my head as I continued watching the movie was “Who greenlight this?”. Too many hours spent on pointless plot points, bad dialogue, character regression and a clear intent to take digs at the previous movie.

April: The first time I saw the film I found it largely enjoyable. It reminded me of “old school” Star Wars films, which fits with J.J.’s nerdy love for the original films. However, there were glaring issues, largely that, in an effort to make every fan group happy, J.J. created a film where every fan group instead found something to nitpick. He bent to the will of the racist fans from “The Last Jedi” and shrunk Kelly Marie Tran’s role to nothing, he created women out of thin air (Jannah and Zorrie) to stand as helpmates to the men around them, just to name a few things. But as an end to Luke Skywalker’s story, it’s acceptable.

Anika: Thanks to spoilers, which I actively sought, I already knew what to expect. While I didn’t hate the movie in it’s entirety, my dissatisfaction with it made it the only Star Wars movie that I am quite happy seeing just once. So much of it just felt cobbled together and didn’t make any sense. It felt like the writers were trying to please every Star Wars fan base with this film, but never quite managed that feat.

Logan: As the credits rolled I thought, “Well, I enjoyed a majority of that movie until the end.” Originally, I said I enjoyed about 80% of the movie but the 20% I didn’t like were huge plot points. After thinking about the movie for a week, I’d say my percentage of enjoyment has majorly decreased.

Maggie: Unfortunately, I was entirely spoiled by Reddit and Burger King by the time I sat down to watch The Rise of Skywalker opening night. I mostly felt dread throughout the entire film and struggled to even enjoy the enjoyable moments. I think “fever dream” is the best way to summarize my first impressions.

Jenna: Like most people, I was spoiled by Reddit leaks that none of us could have ever anticipated being true. Sadly, they were. Although I knew what was going to happen, I still tried to go in with an open mind. While I did enjoy some of the movie, those feelings were unfortunately overshadowed by my intense dislike of the major plot holes and the poor messages this movie conveyed.

Heather: My first impressions were from Reddit Spoilers months ago because I am a known Spoiler Whore (I don’t like surprises) so if we’re going from the leaks my first impression was, “There’s no way this is true. It’s so stupid. Most of this doesn’t even make sense. Nah. I’ll wait for the LA premiere and the real leaks.” Little did I know.

When did you become a fan of Star Wars?

Cam: I have first watched Star Wars when in 1999 (Phantom Menace), then I watched the rest of them in 2015. But I only became a fan on 2017 when I watched The Last Jedi.

April: I was introduced to Star Wars when I was 7 years old. My cousin, 10 years my senior, had been tasked with babysitting me for the night and, in her desire to keep me quiet and happy she did what most teens would and plopped me in front of a VHS tape playing ‘A New Hope’. Within moments of R2-D2 and C3PO showing up on the screen I was enthralled.

Anika: I was 11 years old when I first saw Star Wars. The story of Luke, Princess Leia, Han Solo and a galaxy far, far away was an immediate obsession for science-fiction/fantasy nerd girl me. A New Hope is my favorite childhood movie and the saga, along with Rogue One and Solo, continues to be my obsession. I cried when I saw the first trailer for TROS because the movies were a big part of my childhood and teen years and knowing this would be the last story ever told about the Skywalkers was an extremely emotional moment for me.

Logan: The better question is when wasn’t I a fan of Star Wars. I grew up with a brother who is 10 years older than me and he was small during the theatrical release of Empire and Return of the Jedi. I grew up watching them because he watched them and I immediately wanted to be a part of that world.

Maggie: My father took me to see The Phantom Menace opening weekend when I was six years old. Despite the devastation of losing Qui-Gon Jinn, Star Wars basically overtook my life from that moment forward. For twenty years I’ve collected Star Wars ephemera and read through nearly the entire library of the Extended Universe.

Jenna: When I was around 10 or 11, the first six episodes were playing on TV for about a week. I saw my step dad watching one of them and I was captivated by it as soon as I walked by. I asked him what order I should watch them in, and then I could be found that whole week in front of the TV watching them every time they came on. After that, I didn’t watch them for a long time, but my love for the franchise returned when The Last Jedi was in theaters.

Heather: Star Wars has been a part of my life in a mostly passing way since I was nine years old when I was brought to see one of the prequels in theaters. My aunt and uncle and I also watched the originals and prequels at various points when I was a teenager though admittedly my interest was fleeting at best. In January of 2016 that very same aunt and uncle were back in our hometown visiting from England and they wanted to go see The Force Awakens for their third time. I had absolutely no interest in going to go see it but I wanted the family time so I did and I’m glad I did because I walked out a huge fan. For all of the grief I now give JJ Abrams I will say that he set out to make TFA both for old fans and to create new fans and he succeeded in that.

What did you think of Rey’s journey in this movie?

Cam: A complete regression of whatever it was supposed to be. I can’t explain it in a different way. From the beginning Rey was alone, in a desert planet, begging to find her parents and a belonging. As the movies progressed she finally learned she had to continue her life, she couldn’t be stuck in that place forever, and that she could find other people who would love her, “the belonging you seek is ahead” and all. She realized she could be powerful and important just for being who she is on the Last Jedi. She didn’t need famous parents to matter.

On Rise of Skywalker they reverted all that, she did need famous parents indeed and she never should have had to learn how to move on from her pain and self doubt regarding them since they were always good people that had loved her. Despite her entire journey, the movie frames her ending as someone who was again alone and again on a desert planet (despite arguments that it didn’t mean she would be alone, when a movie ends in a certain note that’s what you want your audience to take from it). It’s just a terrible regression that didn’t care for all the things this character needed but that instead cared about online complaints regarding her surname.

April: Rey’s journey in this film felt, in many ways, unfinished. We’ve always known that the Star Wars Saga was ultimately Luke’s story, even as we had other protagonists in the prequel trilogy it was clear that we were watching the beginnings of Luke (Padme and Anakin wind up being his parents and we watch the birth of his ultimate foe, Darth Vader). Unfortunately, “The Rise of Skywalker” (and indeed the entire sequel trilogy) struggle with the idea of Rey being anything more than just the final piece of Luke Skywalker’s story. Perhaps this would have read better had Rey been a Skywalker (as was clearly J.J. Abram’s (director of “The Force Awakens” and “ The Rise of Skywalker) initial plan, but instead Rey doesn’t actually begin her journey until the moment she stares off into the sun on Tatooine as the music swells dramatically. While it’s not unusual for a story to end with the hero heading into a new adventure, for this to be the “end” of Rey’s story feels almost empty, because we never truly saw her beginning.

Anika: Where do I start with Rey’s journey in TROS? Quite honestly, except for Rey becoming the powerful Jedi we all knew she would be, I don’t think she had much of a journey. She wanted to know her place in all of this and she does learn it along with a few other truths, but her reaction to every thing she learns was virtually non-existent. Rey’s journey is the saddest part of this movie. She finds the belonging that she wanted, but she has lost a maternal and paternal figure, a mentor and her other half in the Force. Rey is at the end of it alone again. How is that a happy ending for her?

Logan: Trying to think through my opinion is making me realize she didn’t really have much of one in this film. She started a strong Jedi and ended a strong Jedi. She started out as part of The Resistance and ended as part of The Resistance. The only changes to her journey revolve around finding out her lineage, which didn’t change any part of who she is, and also loss. Loss of Leia. Loss of Ben. Isolating Rey’s journey leaves me sort of depressed. So, my thoughts are that I don’t like it.

Maggie: At the end of The Last Jedi Rey was posed to have an incredible final act, unfortunately The Rise of Skywalker ended up being a regressive ending to her story. Her journey is rushed, disjointed, and nonsensical in this film. We never get her reacting to the revelation that she’s Darth Sidious’ granddaughter, which is perhaps one of the worst mistakes this film commits. The main protagonist is presented with a life changing detail about her past and is denied the chance to react verbally to the revelation. Not only was the implementation lacking, but the reasoning behind her having to be related to someone felt unnecessary. If Palpatine had always been the endgame for the trilogy, he should’ve been alluded to in the previous two films.

Jenna: Not only did I think that Rey had no growth in this movie, but I would even go as far as to say she regressed. In The Force Awakens, Rey’s story began with her living in the desert alone and waiting for parents that would never come back to her. In The Rise of Skywalker, Rey’s story ended with her living in the desert alone and isolating herself from the friends and family she has come to know. At least, that’s how I interpreted it. The Last Jedi set this movie up to have Rey realize how special and loved she is regardless of who her parents were, but this idea was thrown aside in favor of making her special only because of her family name.

Heather: Hated. It. I loved the message of TLJ that you don’t have to come from a powerful bloodline to be special or important and it was completely re-written. You’re only special if you come from one of these two families. Sucks to suck for the rest of you.

What was your favorite part of the sequel trilogy?

Cam: Ben and Rey’s ever growing understanding and love for each other. And Kylo Ren/Ben Solo’s entire arc that showed his pull to the light and his pain regarding the darkness.

April: The chemistry between the new trio (Rey, Finn and Poe) is hands down my favorite aspect of the new trilogy. Oscar Issac, John Boyega and Daisy Ridley play excellently off of each other and their interactions are a joy to watch. One thing The Rise of Skywalker did tremendously well was highlight their relationship and it is my opinion that Rey is now happily touring the sky with her boyfriend (Finn) and his boyfriend (Poe).

Anika: It’s a tie between the Throne Room scene and the hand touch scene in the hut. In the scene where she touches Kylo’s hand, we get to see both their vulnerabilities. He’s admitting that what she is going through, her loneliness is how he feels, too, and she’s reassuring him that it’s never too late to change that. The Throne Room scene is the best one in the trilogy. It was perfection in it’s execution. They way moved in sync with each other, watched each other’s back and that heartbreaking end when he offers her his hand and she knows she cannot take it was beyond anything else I had seen.

Logan: Admiral Holdo lightspeeding through a Star Destroyer. Hands Down. For me, Holdo was one of the most memorable characters of the sequel trilogy and that moment was followed by an eerie silence in the theater that I will never forget. Aside from that is all the confirmation of Jedi Leia, the return of Han, Poe’s introduction in The Force Awakens, the glory of Rose Tico. There are many moments that I will remember for many Star Wars films to come.

Maggie: The Throne Room scene in The Last Jedi will remain my favorite part of this entire trilogy. The fight choreography is incredible and I felt like it was really a defining moment for both Rey and Ben. Watching them fight back-to-back was pretty amazing to see. Not to mention it’s some of Adam and Daisy’s best acting in the trilogy. So many emotions play out from the start to end of that scene. It’s flawless.

Jenna: The Throne Room scene in The Last Jedi, by far. Adam so clearly showcased the emotions passing through Ben’s mind when he decided to take down the man who had been abusing him his whole life. When Ben and Rey stood back-to-back to fight together after Ben ripped Anakin’s lightsaber through Snoke I could feel every cell in my body start to scream in excitement. It felt like such a pivotal moment in not only the movie, but the entire trilogy. Seeing a clip of Ben leaning forward so Rey could grab onto his thigh and balance herself on his back to kick one of the Praetorian Guard is actually what convinced me to watch the sequel trilogy.

Heather: Reylo. Kidding…mostly. I can’t deny that their chemistry and the thrill of a possible enemies to lovers/good girl & bad boy story was what made me originally interested in the first place but I think my favorite part was all of the fandom anticipation. Who would Rey be? Would Kylo turn back to the light? Would the Resistance survive? Would Leia keep her role as General? In between each movie fandom was always alive with theories and speculation and there’s a sort of magic and unity in that that I’ve always enjoyed.

What was your favorite part of TRoS?

Cam: Ben Solo being redeemed, as he should have. And all of the amazing scenes between him and Rey.

April: My favorite part of The Rise of Skywalker would have to be the reinforcement of the idea of “togetherness”. You see it, perhaps most clearly, in the moment when, wrapped up in his devastation about leading his forces once more into a hopeless battle, Poe hears Lando’s voice over the radio. When he pulls up and sees the crowd of ships full of “just people” to quote one First Order combatant, it’s such a powerful feeling. That same theme makes itself present again in Rey’s battle against Palpatines, when she is at her most defeated and we hear the voices of Obi-Wan, Anakin, Yoda, Luke, Ashoka and more, reminding her that she is not alone, because she is “all the Jedi”, it’s also repeated throughout the trio’s interactions, they even go so far as to use the word “together”. It’s a constant message in this film and it’s so necessary in our current time. It’s a reminder to each one and all of us that there are always “more of us” then those who would seek to keep us downtrodden and together, we can spark a true revolution.

Anika: Without a doubt, Han and Ben’s scene on the Death Star. Leia reached Ben, but it was his father’s love and forgiveness which truly made the difference. Ben was never the same after killing Han and he needed to make peace with what he did and to accept that forgiveness is possible. Change is possible, even if we veer so off course that we can’t possibly see the way back. My two favorite characters in Star Wars sharing a much needed cathartic moment literally made me tear up.

Logan: If I’m picking just one thing then I’m choosing General Leia Organa. My gasp at the flashback of her and Luke was loud and probably annoying to everyone around me. She has a lightsaber. She’s a Jedi Master. She’s fearless and selfless and as bad ass as she ever was. I got to say a beautiful goodbye to Carrie Fisher and that meant more than anything else. Honorable mentions, though, to Harrison Ford returning as Han for one brief shining moment and to Kylo/Ben’s redemption arc that I never for one second thought I would ever buy into and yet somehow did. (Also, D-O and Babu Frik because how can you not love them?)

Maggie: I wish I could say the Reylo kiss was my favorite part of the film, however the moment was so rushed and poorly orchestrated that I struggle with enjoying it. I can’t even think of dialogue in this film that I enjoyed. With The Last Jedi so many lines stood out — lines with substance. I suppose I enjoyed seeing the porgs one last time.

Jenna: My favorite part was when Ben showed up on Exegol to help Rey. The second you saw him running, you knew you were no longer looking at Kylo Ren. This was now Ben Solo. From his hair to his loose sweater to his quiet “Ow”, there was no question about who was on the screen. When Rey and Ben finally used their forcebond to help each other and she gave him Anakin’s lightsaber, I could physically feel my heart squeeze in joy. Oh yeah, the Reylo kiss was pretty amazing, too. Too bad he had to die right after.

Heather: The final force bond between Rey and Ben when she gives him the light saber and he pulls it out from behind his back. That was a moment. I also really liked when after the trio fell through the quicksand stuff Rey lit her saber to light the way and Poe turned on his little flashlight. It was a cheap way to make the audience laugh but it worked and I did.

What was your least favorite part of TRoS?

Cam: I could say literally anything else but i’m gonna go with Ben Solo’s death.

April: The sidelining of Kelly Marie Tran’s Rose along with the insertion of Jannah and Zorrie feels purposeful and wrong. It was recently announced that Rose had only about one and a half minutes of screen time in the entirety of “The Rise of Skywalker” which seems particularly egregious when one considers how prominently she was featured in “The Last Jedi”. Even worse, she is almost “replaced” by the insertion of Zorrie and Jannah, both of whom serve no true purpose to the overall plot of the film.

Zorrie is there to forcefully remind us that Oscar Issac’s Poe is straight and that’s it! You could argue that she put them in contact with the tiny alien (Babu Frik) who wound up highjacking C3PO’s memory drives, but, Poe was a spice runner in this same crew and thus already knew him. We never even see her entire face, but we do get to see her modeling a skin tight pink catsuit-to emphasis her femininity.

The same thing happens with Jannah, an ex-Stormtrooper who exists only to provide a point of similarity with Finn and also to be Lando’s daughter (something that’s not even clearly told in the film. She’s tough and strong and has grit and determination in spades. She doesn’t hesitate to run into battle and in fact supports Finn as he makes what could be a suicide play to take out the lead ship. Both Jannah and Zorrie serve almost as opposites of Rose, in Zorrie: the ultrafeminine and in Jannah, the toughness that Rose wasn’t allowed to have. They even manage to strip Rose of her leadership, refusing to allow her to wear the badge of her station (commander). It’s a disgrace and it should be discussed far and wide.

Anika: I have two that really ticked me off. I absolutely hated Rose Tico’s arc in TROS. New character Beaumont had more lines than she did. After playing a big part in The Last Jedi, I expected more interactions between her, Finn, Poe and Rey, but instead she played the part of an extra, more or less. TROS made it seem as if she was an afterthought for Finn. I never got a chance to see a Rey and Rose friendship or even Rose on a mission with the others. She lost her voice because whiny, entitled fans were upset for no other reason than she was a woman and a person of color. It is even more upsetting that their vitriol was rewarded. The second thing that really bugged me was the predictability and, therefore, unoriginal end of Ben’s death. For once, it would have been nice to see the redeemed hero live.

Logan: There are two least favorite things that are tied for how enraged they make me. One, the obvious sidelining and invalidation of Rose Tico. Which is thanks to Abrams and Company caving to racist and misogynistic nerd boys. Two, the death of Ben Solo. I am by no means a fan of Kylo Ren. Prior to this movie I did not believe for one second that he could be redeemed. (Check my tweets, seriously). But his death does not enrage me for Ben’s sake but for Han and Leia’s. They sacrificed their lives to reach Ben and hopefully save his life. Ben’s death makes their sacrifices pointless. My two favorite Star Wars characters of all time were killed for nothing. Great. Perfect. Thanks, JJ Abrams. That feels fan-freaking-tastic.

Maggie: Where do I even begin? There was about 131 minutes of content I didn’t care for. I will die bitter about how they reduced Rose Tico’s role in response to racist men from the worst parts of the internet. The lines that were given to J.J.’s buddy Dominic Mongaghan could’ve been given to Rose. The fact that the only real lines that Rose had in the film were lines were she rejected joining the main plot seemed far too intentional. Outside of the #WheresRose issue, what they did with Poe Dameron’s character was perhaps my number one complaint coming out of the film. The entire subplot with Zorri Bliss was unnecessary and only served to remind FinnPoe shippers that Poe had a girlfriend and change his backstory to incorporate an unfortunate Latinx stereotype that he was a drug smuggler. Outside of yelling Rey’s name, what was Finn’s role in this film? Coming out of The Last Jedi he had matured as a character, but throughout The Rise of Skywalker it seemed like J.J. had no plan for what to do with him. Wouldn’t it have been awesome if he’d actually been able to say he was Force Sensitive and we didn’t have to get that information from subsequent interviews and an Instagram post?

Jenna: I could probably write a whole book about what I didn’t like about this movie. Plot holes (how Palpatine is alive, Palpatine wanting Rey dead then all of a sudden wanting her alive, how a spaceship that’s been underwater for years and has been torn for scraps actually works), character stories (Rose being sidelined, Poe being a drug dealer, Ben’s redemption arc fading away with his body), and many many more aspects of this movie keep me up at night.

Heather: The sloppy editing, the incoherent storyline beats, how much this movie wanted to be an action movie with all of the “pew pew!” instead of focusing on character and emotional beats and attempting to distract the audience with bright flashing lights and loud sounds so that they wouldn’t notice how nothing was actually making sense with the plot.

If you could change one thing about this movie, what would it be and why?

Cam: I’d definitely make Ben Solo live. Perhaps this sounds simple for some but the fact is, for one if that happened I would have hope for the Skywalkers. All of their suffering, from Anakin Skywalker to Ben Solo wouldn’t have ended in such a bitter note. The Star Wars Saga have always been about the Skywalkers and while a lot is wrong in the last movie, you would think they at least would have respected the legacy and the theme of a 40 year old saga. But the way Rise ended the story Palpatine was able to manipulate and ultimately end their bloodline. It wasn’t a victory, it was a tragedy.

(I won’t even get into how watching the death of a character that felt lost and needed redemption is just a terrible message as well. The number of people that felt utterly defeated and left the movie crying speaks on its own)

April: The kiss between Kylo and Rey. I’ve seen the movie three times now, once alone, and two other times with people who are aware of the films but are not superfans. In every instance the kiss feels out of place, abrupt and unearned, not just to me but to those I attended with. I believe there were other ways to show the connection between Kylo and Rey (and in fact we’ve seen it highlighted in both “The Last Jedi” and “The Rise of Skywalker” via their force connection) without having them kiss. It is perhaps even more jarring to see them share a kiss in the moments before Ren’s death because we’ve never seen Rey or Ren acknowledge the injuries he’s dealt her, both physically and emotionally. It’s impossible to form an emotional investment in a relationship that is built on dishonesty, lack of trust and no genuine affection between either party. Perhaps if Kylo had actually been redeemed it’s a conversation worth having, but he wasn’t and thus, it isn’t.

Anika: Ben Solo’s death and, therefore, the end of the Skywalkers. When I say Ben deserved more, I am saying it from a place that wanted, needed and expected better for the last Skywalker and the child of Leia Organa and Han Solo. Ben Solo has never really known a moment’s peace. I wanted him to live so he could discover who he was without a Sith Lord in his head, to atone for the things he did and to finish the work his mother started. It was lazy and easy writing to kill Ben.

Logan: I’m gonna change two, because if you’re giving me this chance I’m pushing my limits. One: Ben lives. Two: Rose goes with our Main Trio. Ben lives so that Han and Leia’s deaths have meaning. Rose goes with the trio because the amount of times they needed a mechanic were numerous and Rose was wasted staying behind with Leia. (Obviously considering Merry from Lord of the Rings had all the dialogue Rose should have had.)

Maggie: That’s a loaded question. If I had to choose one singular change, I would’ve started the film with Leia having died in the time between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker. In that situation, J.J. wouldn’t have been limited to playing around unused The Force Awakens scenes. Poe would’ve been General Poe outright, rather than handing him the role in Act 3 without any follow through. The pacing of the film would’ve likely been better and the stakes would’ve shifted.

Jenna: There are many things I would change in this movie, but if I had to pick one, it would be that Ben would get to live in the end. I’ve heard arguments that he deserved to die because of everything that he’s done, but I would argue back that he deserves to live for those same reasons. Dying is easy, but living is hard. If he had lived, he wouldn’t have just been able to jump into the Resistance with open arms. He would’ve had to work for forgiveness. He deserved to live so that he could eventually earn that forgiveness. Not to mention that his dying also ripped away not only the first love that Rey ever had, but also her Force equivalent of a soulmate.

Heather: I’ll give you three because I do what I want:

Ben Solo should have lived and earned the right to his redemption. Being redeemed through death is cheap and manipulative and had already been done in the original trilogy. Tell a new story. Let the villain earn his redemption by actively righting their wrongs instead of just killing them off.

Rose going on the adventure with the trio. Her underutilization is disgustingly criminal.

Not making Poe a drug runner just for a laugh and a plot point. There wasn’t even a hint of shady behavior in the other two movies so pulling it out of left field was not only jarring but for fans who actually read the supplemental material, noticeably false.

What unanswered questions would you like to have been addressed?

Cam: How is Palpatine back? Why didn’t Rey’s dad show up to her all these years if he was Force Sensitive? If Palpatine created Snoke why didn’t he know about the Force Dyad until the end of the movie? Why didn’t Ben Solo’s force ghost show up? Why didn’t we see Rey mourn her canonical soulmate? What is happening between Finn and Rose? Why was Kelly Marie Tran so terribly sidelined?

April: What is the confession Finn is trying to make? Yes, it has been purported that it’s pertaining to his force sensitivity. But this is a fact already known since The Force Awakens and one that he would not seek to hide from Poe, especially not in his potential dying moments. In fact, he mentions to Jannah that what led him away from the First Order was the force. We have no reason to believe force sensitivity is truly the secret.

Why didn’t Lando search for his missing daughter? The Visual Dictionary advises us that Jannah is Lando’s daughter and yet we are to believe that Lando has not spent the past 20 years searching for his daughter but stuck on another desert planet doing exactly nothing. Even the ending scene is ambiguous about who Jannah really is.

How did Palpatine survive being thrown down a shaft by Darth Vader and blown up in the second Death Star? We’re given no hints about that, although we are shown Palpatine hooked up to a crane like device receiving constant transfusions to a zombified corpse.

When did Palpatine even have time to have a child? Given the time frame, the only possible time for Rey’s father to have been, well…fathered is between “Revenge of the Sith” and “A New Hope” and I don’t know a lot of people who would have slept with Palpatine the way he looked back then.

How did Luke and Leia discover Rey was a Palpatine? Did Luke discover it in the Force? Was it just a feeling he had? Why did neither of them think to mention it to to Rey? Why did they continue to train her after discovering it?

Anika: How is Palpatine still alive and, if he created Snoke, why didn’t he know Ben and Rey were bonded? If Palpatine could find Ben in Leia’s womb, why couldn’t he find his granddaughter who shared his blood? Why didn’t Leia become a Force Ghost until Ben’s death and why didn’t Ben become one at all? Most importantly, I need to know where the Sith death eaters came from?

Logan: Does Rey ever find out that Finn has been pining for her for three films? That seemed like something important they introduced in The Force Awakens that got dropped for no reason. (Bonus: How was Palpatine behind Snoke this whole time? That made no sense whatsoever.)

Maggie: Why wasn’t Ben a Force Ghost at the end? Why did Rey decided to bury the lightsabers on Tatooine — a planet Luke despised, Anakin hated, and Leia never visited. How is the galaxy going to react to the granddaughter of Darth Sidious? How does Rey feel about the revelation? Why didn’t Rey mourn the loss of Ben? Why was Maz smiling when Leia vanished, given that Ben had died? Why was there so much focus on Rey staring at children? What was the point of the Force Dyad? What was the point of the visions in The Force Awakens? Why did the Knights of Ren exist? Why didn’t they just say Jannah is Lando’s daughter?

Jenna: How did Palpatine survive? What happened to Finn and Rose’s relationship? What was the point of Rey’s vision in The Last Jedi signifying that she was a nobody if she was a Palpatine? How did Ben not die after being thrown off the cliff? Why did the Jedi not help Ben? Why did the Jedi not do something to help heal Rey when she died after killing Palpatine? Why was Ben not a Force Ghost in the end? Why did we see such little reaction from Rey when Ben died? Why did Rey bury the lightsabers on Tatooine? Why did Leia wait to become one with the Force until Ben died, as if that’s something she wanted? Why did Rey take the Skywalker name instead of embracing that she didn’t need a name to make her special?

Heather: So many questions. How is Palpatine back? How did Ben get to Exegol if Rey stole his Tie Fighter on the Death Star? Why did Palps not know Ben and Rey had a force bond if Snoke claimed to create it and he created Snoke? Why did both Snoke and Palpatine want Kylo to kill Rey if in the end he wanted Rey to kill him instead? How was Poe ever a drug runner when in his comic he was born and raised on the Rebel base? If killing Palpatine would bring all of the Sith in to Rey’s body and she did in fact kill him, do all of the Sith and all of the Jedi live in her now? Why did Anakin say, “Rise and bring balance to the force like I did.” when Palpatine wasn’t dead meaning he didn’t bring balance to the force (and really his whole arc is now obsolete since he was in fact, not the chosen one after all)? There are more but if I kept going I would have an entire essay.

Were you satisfied by the ending of the trilogy? Why or why not?

Cam: Not at all. This trilogy ended making an even bigger tragedy out of the Skywalkers, I can barely watch the other movies without thinking “this was all for nothing.” The one character that knew enough about the Skywalkers and survived the ordeal (Rey) is alone. What is there to be satisfied about?

April: As an ending to Luke’s story I am absolutely satisfied with the ending of the trilogy and as a fan of his, I’m happy with what we received for him, Leia and even Anakin. As a fan of the new trio, I find myself wanting more of their stories. Who are they besides a former scavenger, spice runner and stormtrooper? Yes, Rey is “all the Jedi” and the granddaughter of Palpatine but who is Rey? We’ve spent three films with her and her primary focus has always been saving a male of the Skywalker line, in “The Force Awakens” that’s Luke and in “The Last Jedi” and “The Rise of Skywalker” that’s Kylo.

Who is she when that’s not her primary focus? Now we’ll never know. Yes, Poe is a child of the resistance, a spice runner and, now, a general, but who is Poe? In both “The Force Awakens” and “The Rise of Skywalker we see the beginnings of his story, a child of the resistance who, perhaps due to his parent’s deaths winds up a spice runner (something I don’t find as objectionable as many do-historically People of Color often do things deemed objectionable to support themselves or their families in troubled times) before coming back into the resistance fold with the return of information about Luke Skywalker’s return. We are given hints of his time as a spice runner, a possible past romance with Zorrie and then nothing else.

Finn is perhaps the biggest mystery. Even his name is not his own, given to him by Poe upon their first meeting. We will never know who he came from, what specifically about “the force” drove him to leave the First Order and trust the Resistance. We’ll never learn more about his force sensitivity and what that means for his potential future as a Jedi, we’ll never learn about the other stormtroopers who are also potentially force sensitive. So much is left up to guesswork and it is the worst part of the ending to me.

Anika: I was not satisfied at all. As I said before, the redeemed hero dying is so predictable. The story of the Skywalkers ends as one of tragedy and not hope(I’m sorry saying you are a Skywalker does not make you one). Rey is back in the desert again. I really don’t see how some found this satisfying.

Logan: No, because now Han and Leia died for nothing. That is the worst ending I could have imagined for two heroes of their caliber.

Maggie: No. I genuinely do not know how anyone can be satisfied with that ending. Han, Leia, and Luke died for nothing. The Skywalker line is dead. A Palpatine is using their name. Rey is back on a desert planet, right where she began.

Jenna: No. I felt like I left the theater with more questions than when I walked in, and that’s never something you want from the conclusion of a trilogy. I walked out literally feeling used and abused.

Heather: No. I am not satisfied at all. As a whole this movie was a mess. I know that JJ Abrams and Chris Terrio want to place the blame of that on to literally everyone but themselves but the fact of the matter is Rian Johnson dismantled everything in The Last Jedi which gave them a fresh start to tell a different story. Instead, they pretended that TLJ didn’t happen at all, retconned everything that happened in it, and once again fell on to using what worked in the original trilogy, instead of doing what their paid to do and giving us a cohesive, good, imaginative story. Putting all of your faith in to a trilogy and thinking it’s going to lead somewhere that they assured you was hopeful and good and having the rug pulled from under you is not what I would call a good time.

Kylo Ren; Redeemed or not? Do actions speak louder than words?

Cam: Definitely yes. Adam Driver was given nearly 0 lines after the redemption, so it’s hard to speak about words here, but ultimately his character did everything in his power to fight Palpatine and save Rey, so, yes.

April: I do not believe that Kylo Ren was redeemed, nor do I believe it was ever in the cards for him to be redeemed. There is a common belief that Kylo turned due to abuse, but we are not canonically shown any evidence of this. Yes, a voice whispering in your head can be stressful, but Kylo was born to two of the biggest heroes in the resistance and nephew to another, even if he didn’t feel comfortable turning to Luke (and who can blame him) in the aftermath of Luke contemplating killing him, his parents were still there. In choosing to run to Snoke, Kylo made a choice that would forever taint his life. In each movie of the franchise, we continue to see Kylo choose darkness and power.

In “The Force Awakens” he slaughters a village to obtain information about his uncle. He kills Snoke to become the Supreme Leader, in “The Last Jedi”, and when Rey offers him her hand, the final opportunity to truly do good, he refuses because his desire for power is stronger. Even as “The Rise of Skywalker” begins he is once again slaughtering people (who, to be fair, were a cult loyal to both Vader and Lady Corvax-but again, this information is not shown it is told in the Visual Dictionary). When he is searching out Palpatine it is, once again, to kill the person standing between him and the potential for true power. Kylo is, for all intents and purposes his grandfather all over again and neither of them deserved redemption in the true sense of the word.

Kylo’s last few acts, to run to Exegol, to fight against Palpatine and to give his life force to Rey are-ultimately much the same as his grandfather’s. He realizes that he’ll never truly have the ability to atone for his actions and so he gives his life to Rey, allowing her to be the balance his grandfather was always meant to be. This sacrifice is the most noble thing Kylo is ever shown to have done and because it comes so late in the trilogy, literally the final act of the final act, it is largely worthless. It is possible to give characters like Kylo real redemption (see Zuko of “The Last Airbender” fame) and it would perhaps have been possible even for Kylo, if only they’d begin his journey to that redemption in the end of “The Force Awakens” or the beginning of “The Last Jedi.”.

Anika: Redeemed. It’s been something I have wanted for him since The Force Awakens. I expected more with his redemption, however. He never got to express himself through words and I hate that he was sidelined for the fight with Palpatine. I’m glad we got a redemption, but it felt a little anti-climatic.

Logan: Not a fan of Kylo Ren, but I would say yes. I think as Han said, Kylo Ren is dead. We were seeing Ben Solo by the end of that movie and I wish we hadn’t had to say goodbye so soon. Adam Driver made him the perfect combination of Han and Leia and that could have been a joy to watch for more than just a few minutes.

Maggie: I have been rooting for Bendemption since The Force Awakens. The execution of redemption was awful. I would love to know what J.J. has against Adam Driver, because from the moment Kylo Ren is “redeemed” he speaks a single line of dialogue — “ow”. While I love the moment where Ben fights the Knights of Ren, I would’ve preferred some sort of dialogue as a trade. Not to mention the film starts with Kylo Ren reduced to his The Force Awakens persona and seems to forget The Last Jedi even happened. I got redemption, but at what cost?

Jenna: Kylo Ren being redeemed was one of the things I was looking forward to most this movie, but I was severely let down with how I got it. The scene with Kylo and Han was cheaply ripped straight from The Force Awakens. I believe they could have done this in a good way, but sadly, the way they chose to do it wasn’t the best. However, I did enjoy his scene on Exegol when he fought against the Knights of Ren. Unfortunately, this was also downplayed by Ben’s lack of dialogue in the whole end of the movie. After his redemption, we never get to hear him talk again, and then he dies.

Heather: Absolutely redeemed. Not only did Han explicitly say (and it doesn’t matter that it was in Kylo’s head because it’s what the writing wanted the audience to take away from the conversation by explicitly stating it) that “Kylo Ren is dead, my son is alive.” But Kylo threw his saber in to the ocean, picked up a blaster, and became Ben Solo. His mannerisms, his wardrobe, everything screamed, “I’m a different person now!” So, yes. It’s funny that you ask if actions speak louder than words though since the only word he said after his redemption was “Ow.” Don’t get me started.

Would you like to see more of the Skywalker saga? Is it put to rest?

Cam: Before watching Rise of Skywalker I would say no, but right now I kinda need one last movie to actually give justice to the Skywallkers. Just saying.

April: As I stated earlier, I believe that “The Rise of Skywalker” puts paid to the Skywalker Saga. I believe that their story has reached it’s natural, hard fought conclusion. I am satisfied with where our original characters have been left, with perhaps the exception of General Leia Organa but we all know why her story ended the way it did. With that being said, I would be interested in following the story of our sequel trio for one more film, watching them truly discover themselves and their reason independent of the influence of the Skywalker family. I’d also love a story about Rose Tico and Paige Tico, if Kelly Marie Tran would be interested.

Anika: In the current state of affairs, no. If they explain that Ben isn’t really dead, but exists in the World between worlds and there is a quest to bring him back, I’m all for it. I don’t see how you continue the saga without a Skywalker. Again, I don’t count Rey as one because she says so.

Logan: Unless they can give me a do over of this entire movie then no. Leave it lying in it’s own mediocrity. It’s what Abrams, Kennedy, and crew deserve for allowing fear of a fandom to dictate their every decision. They were afraid of giving any one group something so, as a result, no one got anything. Let’s just put the Skywalkers out of their misery and move on to new characters and new sagas. (Once again, unless I can get a do over of the final film in the saga which will never happen.)

Maggie: Look, if it’s the actual Skywalkers and not Rey Palpatine using their name, then sure. I keep saying I would love to see them create something like The Clone Wars to improve upon this terribly rushed film.

Jenna: I would only like to see more of the Skywalker saga if they would bring back Ben. Put an actual Skywalker on my screen, or I don’t want it.

Heather: I’m not particularly thrilled that at the end of the “Skywalker Saga” all of the Skywalker’s are actually dead. In fact, I’m downright bitter about it and don’t find that satisfying in any way whatsoever. So, I think after a rest (perhaps 5-10 years) I would like to see more of the Skywalker Story. Maybe Ben is in the World Between Worlds paying penance, maybe Force Ghost Luke is getting up to some after life shenanigans. I don’t know but I do know that I’d love to see it.

Who is your favorite character of the sequel trilogy?

Cam: Ben Solo.

April: My favorite character in this last installment of the Skywalker Saga is Finn. Former stormtrooper turned resistance hero his story is what a lot of people wanted Kylo Ren’s to be. He’s bold and protective of his found family. He’s kind and generous and, even as he makes mistakes, he works consistently to correct them. He has never left a friend behind. He is loyal and fair. His choice to consistently do “the right thing” when every piece of his upbringing tells him otherwise is hero-worthy. I’m so grateful that he was created and so grateful that John Boyega was chosen to breathe life into him.

Anika: Kylo Ren, hands down. He was more of an emotional, adult child still seeking love and approval than a real villain to me. His struggle with the Light that’s still a part of him, his connection to Rey which is his first real connection to anyone in years, his vulnerability and his redemption made him more than a one dimensional villain. No one could have done this character any more justice than Adam Driver did.

Logan: If I discount one off characters then Poe Dameron. He’s a lot like Han Solo, who has been the love of my life for as far back as I can remember. Also, his introduction in The Force Awakens is one of my all time favorite sequel trilogy moments and I loved him butting heads with Holdo all through The Last Jedi. He was also was the sole character in our main trio to truly keep me invested in this last film.

Maggie: I’m torn between Kylo Ren and Poe Dameron. I think they’re both phenomenal characters and I only wish that the final film had done better with their storylines.

Jenna: Kylo Ren is my absolute favorite. Watching his internal conflict turn to redemption, hate for Rey turn to love, and everything in between was what captivated me to this trilogy. It also helps that Adam Driver is such an amazing actor. He could make watching a cactus interesting.

Heather: Despite being Reylo Trash (which I am and have the necklace that says so to prove it), after much thought I think I’m going to give my favorite character award to Rose. While she was disgustingly underutilized and truly only got one movie to show her stuff I find myself often thinking about “We win not by fighting what we hate but saving what we love.” I find Rose to be an inspirational character. She’s tough but loving. She seems less like a character and more like someone I would know in reality. I don’t know if my love for Rose is for the character herself or because of Kelly Marie Tran’s performance of her but that’s my final answer.

Do you agree? Disagree? Love it, hate it? Either way sound off below in the comments or find us on twitter @TVSource. Thank you to all of our wonderful participants for giving us your wonderful, well thought out answers!

#reylo #tros #fan reactions #from different sides of the fandom #roundtable #reviews #interesting

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rapunzelles-archive · 4 years

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PROLOGUE PT. I: A TALE OF TWO HEARTS

— you are the love that came without warning; you had my heart before i could say no

KIERAN CAN’T REMEMBER a time he didn’t love the girl with the silver eyes. He’s tried. He’s tried so hard, because maybe if he could remember such a time, he could stop loving her now, as if he had never loved her at all. But, he despairs, how can he when even his earliest recollection takes him back to memories of her?

He is three and grumpy, frustrated with the rainy weather that prevents him from playing outside. He’s pouting in his room when his mother, Rhozia’s bright-eyed Queen, bursts through the doorway bearing a bouquet of freshly cut flowers.

“Miss Gracelyn’s just had her baby! Come, darling, let’s go see her!” Vaguely, Kieran remembers his father’s most trusted advisor and her swollen stomach. He makes a face, he doesn’t like babies much—the last time he’d seen one had been six months ago with the birth of his newborn brother, Ster-fry something or other, and he had been a drooling mess. Besides, he hated the hospital, where everything was too clean and too bright. But he could never resist his mother. Thus, a reluctant Kieran allows himself to be dragged towards the hospital wing of the palace, where a woman of about thirty is lying in bed, clutching a pink bundle in her arms. His mother is ecstatic to see her friend and rushes forward with her offering of flowers. Kieran, is more reserved however, and holds back, hiding behind the skirt of his mother’s royal blue gown for almost fifteen minutes before his curiosity gets the better of him.

He had been afraid to see spittle—stars knew how many cloths his new brother went through every day—but upon first glance, he’s pleasantly surprised to see that the baby is drool-free. Upon looking closer, he notices the freckles dotting her cheeks, and though her eyes are closed, Kieran is already entranced. She has curls of brown blooming atop her head, and it looks so much softer than Eliza’s wild tresses that he almost reaches out to touch it. It’s then that she opens her eyes, and they shine such a brilliant pearl gray that he thinks he can’t breathe.

“What’s her name?” He asks Gracelyn with wide eyes. “She’s so pretty!”

She laughs quietly, “Gwyneira, but she’s to be called Gwen.”

“Hi Gwen,” the little prince bends toward her like a flower to the sun, saying her name like it’s something sacred. She looks so fragile, so vulnerable in her mother’s arms, and even though he’s just met her, something akin to devotion courses through his veins like fire. “I’m Kieran. I’m going to be your protector.”

When a red mark appears on his wrist some years down the road bearing the name of one Gwyneira Revenciel, the crown prince is hardly surprised. He’s loved her since day one, it’s about time the mark proving it showed up.

What Kieran isn’t expecting, however, is for that red mark to ever signify anything more than a secret childhood crush.

It happened the day her father had left. Henri Revenciel had left the palace under the pretense of buying roses for his wife and daughter, only to never return. Kieran remembers walking out from his last lesson of the day, reveling in the sunlight streaming through the glass windows when he catches sight of a girl’s crumpled form. He immediately recognizes her—he could probably spot her from a mile away—and the shock of seeing her cry causes him to drop everything at once so he can rush to her side.

“Gwen?” He asks quietly, kneeling in front of her. He’s about to ask her if she’s okay—and it’s a stupid question, she obviously isn’t—when she lifts her head, eyes watery, and instinctively, Kieran opens his arms. She falls into his embrace as a fresh round of sobs wracked her body. He pulls her close, and though they stay like that for a good long while, never does he let her go. Not even once.

Later that night, after he’s tucked her into bed, Kieran leans against her open doorway, finding comfort in the way the blankets rise and fall in an even pattern. His lips are twisted in a sad smile, and his heart physically aches with the knowledge that the first person to break her heart was not a boy, but her father. He’s tempted to perch himself by her bedside to make sure she sleeps peacefully, and the sudden yearning of wishing she had asked him to stay knocks the breath out of him. He doesn’t entertain the thought—he can’t—but still, he absently traces the scarlet mark he keeps hidden from prying eyes, only to feel a searing pain.

Frowning, he lifts the sleeve of his silken shirt with a certain amount of caution, and all the blood drains from his face when he realizes that his only red mark is no longer red.

It’s white.

And then he’s stumbling away from the doorway, almost forgetting to pull the door shut behind him in his panic. He begins to hyperventilate, the blood rushing to his head all at once. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening.

Kieran had heard stories about this sort of phenomenon, where red and yellow marks occasionally turned white, an indication that someone you already loved was your soulmate. Part of him always knew that Gwen meant more to him than some silly childhood crush, but this? This was his demise.

With a groan, the crown prince slumps against the wall, rubbing at his eyes. Well this is absolutely fantastic, he thought sardonically. He was in love with a girl who had no idea how he felt, and to add salt to the wound, he knew for certain that she had no matching marks. It’s then that he vows never to tell her about the bond that now ties him to her, because he doesn’t want to burden her like that, not when she’s only thirteen. So he quickly gathers his resolve and straightens his shoulders, walking down the hall as if each step that takes him further and further away from his soulmate isn’t tearing his heart in two different directions.

After that fateful night, Kieran purposely avoids everyone in the palace for a good week or so, and since he’s sixteen, most of his family members simply chalk it up to teenage angst.

Gwen, to her credit, doesn’t believe any of it for even a second.

When she manages to finally corner him in his office, she places her hands on her hips and glares at him. The sight of it makes him want to laugh, because standing in her pink gown and flowers crowning her head, she looks more adorable than she does scary. He swallows the laughter though, and refuses to meet her gaze.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Gwen is pouting and petulant. She steps towards him, eliciting a nervous sort of laugh from her best friend, who in his attempt to put distance between them, find himself cornered by the back of his desk.

“I-I’m not,” he retorts, desperately trying to pull himself together. “I’ve just been…” he thinks long and hard, “I’ve been looking for your father.” There. It wasn’t a complete lie, he had been looking for Henri Revenciel, but to no avail.

Immediately, her expression both softens and hardens. “You don’t have to do that, Ki,” she murmurs, dropping her gaze, “I know he’s not coming back.” And then with startling defiance Gwen meets his eyes and like every other time it’s happened, he’s electrified by the way her eyes shine like liquid moonlight. “We don’t need him. So stop looking for him, please. I just want my best friend back.” She’s adopted her signature puppy dog look, and damn the heavens, he could never deny her anything.

“Okay,” he replies quietly, and Gwen’s smile blossoms. With a cry of delight, she launches herself forward and wraps him in a crushing hug.

He’s surprised at how much he’s missed this, missed her. His chin fits perfectly into the crook of her neck when he leans down, and it’s as if their arms were made to hold each other. Kieran swallows. He was going to have to be very careful from now on.

Months later when she tells him she likes Sterling, he feels what is left of his heart shatter like glass.

“That’s great,” he croaks when she tells him the big news with that adorable rosy blush staining her cheeks. “You two would make a perfect couple.” The worst part is, he’s not even lying. His brother is a far better match for Gwen than he is; they’re closer in age, and Sterling is the star of Rhozia and the royal family. He was charming and kind and would sweep her off her feet like she deserved to be. They would be beautiful and picturesque together, and he hated himself for being so upset about it.

At his words, his soulmate beams, and Kieran can’t breathe. He loves it when she looks like that, for her smile could rival that of the brightness of the sun. “You think so?” She asks, blush darkening. “You’re the bestest friend a girl could ask for, Ki!” With that, she presses a kiss to his cheek and spins giddily out of the room, a whirlwind of lace and silk that unknowingly leaves a devastated boy behind.

Over the course of time, it becomes easier for him to believe that Gwen isn’t meant for him, that she never was. The mark was a mistake. It had to be. How could he be her perfect match when it was so obvious that it was his brother who was her soulmate? Besides, he rationalized, he was the crown prince, and when it was time for him to ascend to the throne, that would mean his wife would have to be queen. Gwen had made it clear she longed to travel the world, and he loved her too much—he would not tie her down. So he began to do anything and everything in an effort to forget her, hoping that in time, the awful white mark would disappear.

Each weekend found him out at some sort of party; he was addicted to the way it made him forget the heartbreak. The paparazzi always caught him kissing some new girl every week, but not once did he take any of them home. No, even that was a line he would not cross, though it didn’t stop his parents from berating him each morning.

“Why can’t you act like a prince?” Was a common question his father asked him. “Pull yourself together son, you’re a Deluca.”

“I’m searching for my soulmate,” Kieran would retort, “Not everyone can have you and mother’s fairytale romance!” He has to force himself to ignore how heavy the lie feels on his tongue, how his cursed mark burns every time he repeats those words. And even then, as the years passed and he watched Gwen love Sterling, and even as he kissed other girls, the white mark staining his left wrist never so much as lost its pearly sheen.

He doesn’t start to cover up his mark until he turns eighteen. He had never considered it to be an option—the mark was a part of him, no matter how much he hated it at times. But even so, there were days when the white mark seemed to physically cause him heartache, likely due to the fact that it was tied to his soul or some other explanation he didn’t care too much to understand. All he knew was that he was hurting, and the root of it was that damned mark.

So one afternoon, Kieran dons his best disguise and slips out of the palace, a handful of gold coins weighing down the pockets of his wool coat. He knows where to go—he’s accompanied his sisters to the beauty boutique more than enough times. The shop is painted a pale blue, and the inside is so fluorescently bright that it hurts his eyes. He’s in and out in a matter of minutes though, only grabbing a bottle of thick liquid that matches his skin color and a matching powder. He has only a vague idea of how to use it, but that’s a bridge he’ll cross later. He’s eager to hurry back to the palace, and as soon as he ducks out of the store, Kieran is careful to keep his head low to avoid detection. The last thing he needs at the moment is yet another ‘scandal’ perpetrated by the media.

In the privacy of his suite, he takes out the bottle and the powder, setting the items down carefully on the cherrywood dresser. He stares at them for a moment, then hesitantly picks up the bottle and twists the cap open. Then, with a deep shuddering breath, he pushes his sleeve up, now fully ready to dip his fingers into the skin-colored liquid to paint over his mark.

Perhaps he’s not as ready as he believes himself to be, however, because Kieran finds himself distracted with tracing the outline of the mark with his index finger, silently wishing—and not for the first time—that he didn’t have to hide it from the rest of the world. The light catches on the mark, and the way it shines reminds him of the way Gwen’s eyes sparkle whenever she’s happy, and he’s pulled out of his thoughts—he has to, needs to forget her. With a sudden surge of determination, he dips his fingers into the makeup. In his intense focus though, he does not hear the three knocks rapped on the door, or the maid announcing herself right as she pushes her way in with a cleaning cart.

By the time Kieran realizes what’s happened, it’s too late.

The maid is gasping, stumbling backward at the sight of the crown prince and apologizing profusely for her intrusion when the light refracts perfectly off his wrist. Her eyes flick towards it, and with the way her sea green eyes widen, he knows his secret is no longer safe.

She’d seen his mark.

#wip: tpittfy #tpittfy: prologue #writers on tumblr #my writing #mine #i downloaded the linebreak picture from someone and i forgot who it was so i cant credit them ajsksjs #also the writing gets kinda bad at the end but i'll work on fixing it later :)#okay why does this look so short?? it's over 2000 words??#anyways i hope this was an okay read at the very least lol #but i won't blame ya'll if you want off the taglist lmao

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datleggy · 5 years

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a list of every anime i love/recommend, accumulated over the last 10+ years

1. NATSUME YUUJINCHOU

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

The main character is a teenage boy named Natsume, whose parents died when he was too young to remember them properly. He’s passed around random relatives homes, but because he can see yokai (spirits), he’s ostracized by classmates and his foster families (ALL HIS CHILDHOOD FLASHBACKS ARE SO FUCKING SAD) and eventually very distant relatives (an older couple who never had kids of their own and have so much goddamn love to give D:!!!) take Natsume in, and the story basically starts from there.

It’s a very heart-warming story following Natsume’s new life in this new town, accepting his ability to see yokai, forging new relationships in the form of friends and family, and even with the yokai themselves.

This is honestly probably my favorite anime/manga period, because it’s so sad but so cathartic and you watch as the main character grows and learns to trust those around him, and finally gets the unconditional love he’s always deserved, not to MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY DO A WHOLE EP WHERE NATSUME IS TURNED BACK INTO A LITTLE KID AND IT IS SOOOO GOOD OMG

Plus for those of you who enjoy whump, this show has a decent amount of it. Mainly emotional whump, but also some episodes where Natsume is injured or sick--as well as I believe one where his companion (the chubby cat on his shoulder who’s actually a pretty badass yokai) gets shot with an arrow and is down for the count.

10/10 would and have watched again.

2. KODOCHA NO OMOCHA

SUMMARY/REVIEW: The main character is a sixth grader named Sana. She’s a gifted actress on a t.v. show everyone likes and she’s silly and fun, very intuitive and surprisingly empathetic for a child.

Her main problem is in school, where Akito, who she deems the leader of her class’ wolf pack of rowdy rude boys, lets them terrorize not just the teacher, but all the girls in class, as well.

I don’t really want to give a lot away, so I’ll just state the obvious. This anime/manga is shoujo, which means that it does focus on a romantic relationship throughout the series. Mainly the one between Sana and Akito. Sana is absolutely oblivious about her own feelings, while Akito is a stubborn little shit.

I remember watching this at like, age 12 maybe? And I really enjoyed it because (although I do enjoy your typical silly doesn’t take itself too seriously slice of life shoujo) this particular anime, while super funny and light hearted at times, was also really dramatic and even kinda dark, which was surprising considering the characters ages and the general kid-friendly vibe (especially the opening for the anime).

3. DETECTIVE CONAN

SUMMARY/REVIEW: Our main character is initially Shinichi Kudo, teenage detective, who’s on a date with childhood sweetheart Ran (whose father also happens to a detective but like....not a good one lmao), when his nosy ass self decides to go and check out some shady business and gets “poisoned”.

The poison he’s given is intended to kill him, but what it actually does is turn him back into a child. And now, as Conan Edogawa, (who’s 7 but like....we just supposed to believe all these cops and detectives on the force are cool with a seven year old wee lil babe on these really gruesome ass crime scenes??? lmaoooo) we follow him on his adventures as he solves crimes and tries to solve the biggest mystery of all, his own!

I absolutely LOVE this anime/manga, even though I’ll be honest, there is SO MUCH FILLER, but I like the characters enough that I really don’t mind. The show is at least 900+ episodes in at this point, and there are a total of 26 movies so far, last time I checked.

Also, the show is a whump fangirls’ dream come true. The main character is thrown out of windows, balconies, shot at, and in one occasion actually shot, he’s had broken bones, sprains, almost been blown up or drowned/burned, been sick, and oh, his occasional transformations from child to teenager are incredibly painful.

This show is probably at fault for my love of whump, since it was one of my first animes at like, age 9. smh.

4. THE DEVIL IS A PART-TIMER!

REVIEW:

I’m not even going to summarize this one. The title does it for me. This is truly one of the funniest animes I’ve ever seen. Motherfuckin Satan works at a McDonalds part time and it is the BEST.

Technically I would count this show as a kind of harem, but only because there are like three main girl characters after the overlord Satan himself. I usually dislike harem type animes but the way this is done is sooooo good I couldn’t resist.

I would watch a million filler episodes of Satan trying to solve problems at his minimum wage job tbh. I love every single character, I love the plot, I love everything about this anime! In terms of comedy (with the occasional plot driven serious moments) this is IT bro.

5. BLACK BUTLER

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

The main character is Ciel Phantomhive (roughly 14 years old). His parents are killed, his house is burned to ashes, and he’s kidnapped (around age 9 or 10 I believe) and abused. During this abuse Ciel calls upon a demon to free him and help him get revenge on those who harmed the Phantomhive household, which is where Sebastian, one “hell of a good butler” comes in.

We then follow Ciel and Sebastian on their path of vengeance, and along the way we meet Ciel’s human servants, three very clumsy and seemingly bad at their given tasks characters (i love them all), and some of his extended relatives and connections.

My favorite thing about Black Butler is the art, both in the anime and manga. Everything is so detailed and pretty!

The characters are interesting, the plot is dark but they manage to make most of the series overall pretty light-hearted and funny in general. Though of course there are chapters/parts of the series that get really grim (which duh, the whole thing focuses on revenge so...)

I have to say, the arc I enjoyed the most has to be the movie, Black Butler: Book Of the Atlantic. It is beautifully drawn and sooooooo entertaining.

6. INUYASHA

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

Our main characters are Inuyasha, a half-demon, who’s been in a sort of spiritually binding coma for the last few decades, and fourteen year old Kagome, who falls into an old well in her family’s shrine and finds herself being transported into another time period.

Together, she and Inuyasha travel across the lands in the feudal era to find the scattered shards of the shikon jewel, a powerful jewel which grants anyone who possesses it ultimate power.

I was too young to stay up and watch Inuyasha on adult swim, so my mom would tape the show on a VCR for me to watch the next day after school--yes, I’m old old. lmaoooo I ADORE this show.

It’s so good! It’s got everything! A tortured lil half-demon with a sad past who’s stubborn and rude but got a good heart! A fierce and equally as stubborn main protagonist, who’s whole ass family knows exactly where she goes off to??? and are supportive af????? like???? her mama packs her and her squad of demon/exorcist/demon hunter pals bentos?!?! lmao i love it.

The characters are awesome and funny and likable as all heck, and of course they all have their sad backstory, but like, unlike some animes (lookin at YOU Naruto) they don’t go mega overboard on it, at least not without some plot behind the episode.

7. YU YU HAKUSHO

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

Before I even start in on the summary, ya’ll should watch this soley bc of the cute ass 90′s style animation alone. LOOK AT ALL THAT SHINY HAIR!

ANYWAY. Main character is teenage hooligan and overall cutie pie Yusuke! He gets struck by a car and fucking DIES in the first episode after shoving a little boy out of the way, only to end up in the spirit world where the head honcho up there (who looks like a wee baby) tells him “Oh shit, didn’t expect you to like, actually do anything self-sacrificing EVER so like, you’re not on our list of people who were supposed to die today...”

And uh, I don’t wanna give anything away, so I’m just gonna say that if you haven’t seen this anime yet, you definitely should! It’s hilarious and dramatic, the fight scenes are very well done, all the side characters, who eventually become main characters are a blessing (specifically Hiei, who’ve I’ve had a crush on since I was 12) and the ending is a satisfying one, which you can’t really say for a lot of media.

8. CHRONO CRUSADE

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

I still get weepy when I think of this anime, so all I’ll say is it’s about a badass demon slaying nurse and her demon companion and some very tragic shit.

It’s a great anime overall, especially if you like crying yourself to sleep at night :)

9. GHOST HUNT

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

The main character is high school student Mai, who is hired by Naru, the head of a Shibuya psychic research, and together, with a group of questionable exorcists/psychics, they encounter paranormal phenomenons and some outright scary shit.

I’m not really a fan of the horror genre tbh but I do like mystery, and the series deals with that quite a bit. They deal with each case for several episodes so nothing feels too rushed.

The series is really fun in a creepy, wtf is that way. I recommend the manga, only because it’s more detailed in terms of plot than the anime.

10. ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM

SUMMARY/REVIEW:

I didn’t really make this list in any particular order but if I had to say, Assassination Classroom and Natsume Yuujinchou probably tie for BEST ANIME PERIOD!

This anime is about a weird ass “alien” creature, no one knows where it came from or why tf it’s here on earth, all they know is that in one year it’s threatened to blow the world up.

His only request to the government is that they let him become a teacher for Class E, the worst class of Kunugigaoka Junior High School, and he will stay put, so that they can attempt an assassination on him during this one year period.

AND LISTEN! I am a shallow hoe, so I literally never would have read this manga or watched the series had I not been roaming Barnes and Noble one day with my S.O. and picked it up to read as a JOKE!

I was hooked after the first chapter and I am soooooooo glad I picked this manga up, bc it is absolutely not the type I would normally go for, cover art wise. I finally, after many many years, learned not to judge a book by its cover bc LORD this anime is so goddamn good, you don’t understand! Like, I’ve watched it so many times and still laugh at the same parts, cry at the same parts, am proud af at the same parts! like, this anime is an instant classic and should definitely be more popular than it is.

assassination classroom and natsume yuujinchou????? MASTERPIECES!

#anime i can't imagine life without #natsume yuujinchou #assassination classroom #inuyasha #black butler #detective conan #whump #chrono crusade #ghost hunt #yu yu hakusho #the devil is a part-timer #kodocha #long post is long

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russian-romanova · 4 years

Text

nothing to fear

title: nothing to fear

pairing: adult!bill denbrough

word count: 2.1K

warnings: adult language, frightening images and scenes, spider-pennywise (ew),

notes: my memory is still choppy when it comes to chapter two. i promise absolutely no perfection down there, but I tried my absolute hardest to get everything correct! hope this is what you were looking for anon. :)

request: “May I request a Bill x reader fic that has Bill rescuing the reader from Pennywise maybe using her fears against her? (It doesn’t matter what the fear is) and I do think it’s more fitting as adults considering what happened in the second movie, but it’s also fine if it’s written with them being younger.”

summary: requested. no matter how prepared you thought you were for the second battle with pennywise, you can never really be ready to confront your worst fear.

+ + +

When you had confronted Pennywise for the first time, twenty-seven years ago, you thought you were as terrified as you would ever be. You were wrong.

In fact, the first thing you remembered when you got the call from Mike was that four-letter word, the one that made your chest tighten up and your heart quicken. Fear; the absolute fear of facing Pennywise on his own turf. You remembered how terrified you had been, but how Bill had taken charge over the group and it had turned into a good sort of fear, the kind that empowered you. That was the sort of fear that It hated because it gave you and the seven other losers an advantage. If you weren’t scared out of your wits, even if there was just that little smudge of hope in you, then you could take down Pennywise.

And you had, at least for a good chunk of time. For twenty-seven years Pennywise had stayed down, but then It came back. It came back, and Mike Hanlon had called all of you and told you to come back to Derry, and all of you but Stanley had obeyed. You obeyed because you knew you had to, and you stayed because Mike had a plan.

A plan that, up until about five minutes ago, seemed to be working out perfectly.

He called it the Ritual of Chüd, and you had all been ready and willing to give it a try. You all had to sacrifice something of meaning from your childhood for it to work, although you were admittedly fuzzy on why that would work. You had brought an old diary of yours from the time, which you had filled with secrets and stories. That diary was surely the only way you hadn’t gone crazy after the whole Pennywise encounter, allowing yourself to pour the emotions you felt into its pages.

Everyone else had added in their items and Mike declared you had to all hold hands. He was nervous, you could tell by his rushed words. You had all complied, and began to all repeat ‘turn the light into darkness’ as the deadlights appeared. It had been working, like some overdue miracle, and you had more hope than you ever had.

With your horrible luck, you should have known it wouldn’t work. If anything, it had only seemed to draw an extra scary Pennywise nearer to your group, and now you were running for your lives. Bill had been standing next to you, and you had both grabbed for each other’s hands. If it had been any other occasion, you would have likely stopped and thought it over, read more into the action. It wasn’t some other occasion, however, and you focused primarily on not letting go and running for your lives.

You were close to blushing in Bill’s grip despite the running part. The two of you had always been shy around the other as children, but you had brushed it off as teenage awkwardness. It wasn’t until you had returned that you realized you had loved Bill, truly loved him, even as children. The two of you had only grown closer in the time since you returned, and you certainly weren’t complaining. You had silently sworn to yourself that if you made it out of this hellhole, you would finally tell him.

Bill had thankfully led the way, following the twists and turns as you shouted about Pennywise behind you. He had emerged as if he was now part spider, with half a dozen shiny, hard legs that were clicking behind your group as you slowly divided. Mike ducked behind a large object as Richie and Eddie split off. Bev and Ben did the same, and you felt yourself practically leaning forwards as you tried to run even faster. Wordlessly, Bill had led the two of you to a narrow hiding spot, and you broke apart and rolled inside. You could barely hear the menacing snap of Its jaws behind you, but felt the rush of air that accompanied the motion. Everything was dark in here, you realized as you blinked a few times. Everything was dark, and then it suddenly wasn’t.

For the longest part of your life, you had been deathly afraid of heights. This had lurked in the back of your mind the whole time you had been back in Derry because you knew that It would remember that. One memory in specific seemed to bring the fear forward -- one where you and your dad had been working on the roof of your house. You were sure that your mom wouldn’t have let you up there, but she was at work and your dad hadn’t seen the harm in it. He should have, which was a fact he would realize the moment your feet slipped and you slid down the roof and fell off the house. You had a broken bone or two, but the doctors had praised your young age for the lack of permanent damage. What they hadn’t discovered was how terrified you were that the falling sensation would happen again.

You were there again now. Upon opening your eyes, you had been greeted by the bright sunlight and the feeling of cold stone against your back. You were up on the roof again, with your back pressed against the chimney. You were balanced near the top of the roof, where your feet seemed to have a temporarily decent grip. If your eyes fell to either side of you, the ground greeted you below. Slowly turning your head to the left, you noticed how far down the ground seemed. Was it really this far or was this some sort of trick?

A trick, that’s what this must be. Your left foot slid along a shingle and you pushed yourself back up, pressing your back up against the wall as best you could. This wasn’t real, just as none of it usually was. This was some stupid trick, compliments of Pennywise, and all you had to do was realize it wasn’t real and you’d wake up. You would wake up and none of it would be real, you would be safe at home with your alarm going off, and it would have all been a dream.

“Scared you’re going to fall?” A voice floated from the other corner of the roof, and you pulled your eyes away from the taunting ground. Across from you stood the creature you wanted the see least of all, and It was grinning at you. You could feel your eyes widen and your breath hitch in your throat. “Oh, don’t worry. Your bones’ll bounce back.” You were only vaguely aware that this is what the doctor had told your worried parents after you had fallen. “They’ll bounce right back.”

None of his words were comforting. “This isn’t real, there’s nothing to fear,” You repeated your mantra out loud, frozen. Pennywise took a step closer. You slid a foot to the side, but it only attempted to slide with your trailing. Regaining yourself, you realized that this roof wasn’t going to hold you as well as a real roof would. This was It’s turf, after all, and now you were playing by It’s rules.

“Bill!” You called out, hoping that he would hear you from whatever unconscious state you had fallen into.

“Bill can’t come to the phone right now,” Pennywise answered. “He has his own fears, his own anguish.” He took another step in your direction. “Nowhere for you to go but down, down, down.”

You tried to stabilize your breathing, anxiously replying, “Fuck you.” There had to be some other way out of here anyway. You whipped your head to either side, looking for what you were missing. There must be some way out of here that wasn’t falling. There always was, right?

Pennywise advanced, and you felt a hand brush against yours from the opposite side of the chimney. A frightening noise came out of your mouth as you attempted to move it out of reach of the other hand while maintaining grip.

The hand found yours again but was accompanied by a voice this time around. “Y/N. Heh-heh-hey, it’s Buh-Bill.”

“Bill,” Your voice came out in a relieved sigh. “Are you okay?”

He ignored your question. “Cuh-can you move around? There’s a luh-luh-ladder over he-here.”

An attempt to move only brought your foot slipping again. “No, I can’t. I can’t move, Bill.”

“You’ve got it. It’s oh-okay,” Bill’s hand tightened around yours. “If y-y-you slip I’ve guh-got you.”

From his grip spread warmth and confidence. Taking advantage of the burst of adrenaline, you slowly began to move across the roof, feet taking small steps and your arms remained outstretched. Not even daring to look towards Pennywise, you inched your way across the roof until both your feet were slanted. The ground was certainly unnaturally far away, you realized as you glanced down. The sight made you dizzy. “Duh-don’t look duh-duh-down,” Bill added, and you realized that you could see him out of the corner of your eye. His hair was a little messy, and his eyes seemed more tired than they had before. It was a comforting sight none the less.

You were almost there when your feet finally did slip. You had been doing amazingly well considering the few attempts you had previously tried had been nothing short of pitiful. It seemed perhaps due that your feet finally did slip, but Bill kept his promise. Somehow stable, his other hand shot out to grab your arm and he pulled you forward.

The action seemed to do it, and the bright sun from on your roof turned into the dim lighting of the cave. “Holy shit,” You breathed after a moment. “Holy shit.”

“Are yuh-yuh-you okay?” Bill answered.

“Where the fuck did you even come from?” You asked him, your voice coming out in a realized chuckle.

“I don’t nuh-know.” His hands moved to grab onto your arms tighter. “I was in muh-my buh-basement, and th-th-then I was there.”

You stood in silence for a moment, catching your breath. “Thank you,” You said finally. Quickly, you moved in for a dark kiss. Easily, you had found his lips and you felt his grip tighten and then relax. In the hectic grey of the storm, this was your yellow moment of happiness.

Silently, you pulled away. In the dark lighting, it was hard to make out Bill’s expression but he seemed pleased enough. You were smiling at him, although you were sure he couldn’t see it either.

“Should we go kill that fucker?” You asked in a whisper. ‘How romantic,’ you found your inner voice commenting.

“Oh-okay,” The shadow of Bill’s head moved up and down in a nod. “Cuh-cuh-can we guh-go out f-f-for dinner or suh-something after?” The words came out despite the situation.

“Okay,” You repeated. With a renewed confidence, you retook Bill’s hand in yours and turned around. If you could do that, you could do anything.

extra note: ahhh this is so little, :( it also totally veers off from what actually happens. my memory sucks ass sometimes, and the only transcript i could find was very shifty and unclear. i’m sorry this took so long to get out anon! i hope it satisfied your needs. :)

#bill denbrough #bill denbrough x reader #bill #denbrough #it #it chapter 2 #pennywise #it 2017 #request #james mcavoy #he is so pretty #:)

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dungeons-and-divination · 4 years

Text

Battle Smith ARTIFICER - Forest GNOME - Inheritor

I think I failed to mention till now that I pick class, race and background with a random generator. I usually read a little bit about them all just so they’re fresh in my mind and I can properly focus on them while I’m getting my deck ready. Then I pick one card at a time and I take very slim notes with impulsive feedback that I get from the energy of the deck. Once I have all six, I sit down to do a complete analysis and, if the need arise, draw more tarots to clear things out a bit. For the backstory, I have good old Xanathar to help with the randomness of a dice roll on things I can’t actually gather from the read, but mostly after one or two rolls, things build naturally on their own and I have enough elements for it. And after that very long intro nobdy asked for, I’ll leave you to this cutey pie.

Name: Hadwin Ahlers (35yo)

TAROTS

Mind: Strength (reversed) Such a good card for the mind of a character that I already knew was gonna end up having a high intelligence. It really is a dead give away of Hadwin big brain; he already has the knowledge to conquer whatever he puts his mind into, he’s just crippled by the lack of confidence in his own abilities. In a sense, his mind is both is best assent and is worst enemy. Because every time he feels inadequate or reconsider his decisions, he’s just ignoring that part of his brain that’s telling him that he know the solution to the problem and that he’s not being cocky, he’s just that smart!

Body: The Chariot (upright) Despite his doubts, Hadwin is still the kind of ambitious person that never shies away from hard work. He’s very much convinced that the key to achieve perfection is to try again and again till you succeed. Even when he feels like a failure, you can bet everything you own that he will not give up on what he’s trying to achive till he actually does that thing. That the Chariot was in “body” had to immediately give this strong feeling of him travelling somewhere and somehow, so I stayed on the lookout for signs that hinted at that in other aspects of the read as well.

Spirit: Page of pentacles (reversed) While this tarot might seem as contrasting with the Chariot, it’s actually very telling that it’s what I drew for “spirit”.To me it just proves that Hadwin is willing to put a lot of work into whatever he’s doing, but on a deeper level he’s actually lost. Sure, his mind is always busy on little project, like he’s a busy bee. But he never really stopped to figure out what he wants to achieve with all of that hard work. It also brings me back to that sense of inadequacy, that makes him sometimes question himself to the point of making rush or foolish decisions. At the core of it all, I see him as someone that believes his worth is just in how smart others perceive him as, and that’s why Hadwin works so hard despite having no clue what he himself actually is supposed to do with that gifted mind. He just knows that people always had expectation because of it and he somehow have to be worth it of their praises.

Past: Six of wands (upright) Well, I was just done talking about expectations, and praises, so of course, here it is, a past filled with them in his childhood and teenage years. I can absolutely picture him being one of those brilliant kids with lots of potential that all the adults around him encouraged to try and cultivate. And nobody really knows the weight those words have on Hadwin, while he slowly is weighted more and more down by them. Really, with such an important card of success, it’s really not a surprise that Hadwin really struggles with his self-esteem. For sure, that “spirit” card now seems VERY appropriate.

Present: Six of swords (upright) I’m happy to see that I had the right feeling with the Chariot about travelling somewhere, cause, here it again! This one is actually more of an escape card actually, but I think that travelling is the very best way to run from whatever is the problem that’s afflicting you. So, it’s pretty much obvious to me that Hadwin is trying to leave his troubling times behind. This tarot also has this undertone of healing and moving forward, it speaks of an inner growth, which is perfectly in tune with that. He probably wanted to leave his past behind, forget the expectation and start to use his abilities more for himself than for anyone else. This usually requires some spiritual guidance of some kind, but in this case I’m almost tempted to think that it’s losing his usual guide that brings calm and a new perceptive to him. Maybe it’s that hint of healing? It might be that at this point I was influenced by my preconception on this, cause I already felt by now that he was gonna lose his mentor...

Future: Ten of pentacles (reversed) Well, this is very much on the nose. Of course there was gonna be a tarot related to the inheritance. Still, I feel a dispute of some kind because of it, I feel it with the lost family of the mentor, but it’s not a given since this is really up to what a DM might work up with this backstory. Not much else I could add to that, really then. What I could give is my usual suggestion on how to play the character on the future card, even if I think the “spirit” explanation was enough so… I do suggest though to think of little special moments related to the inheritance and the mentor that gave it to Hadwin, and every now and then to sprinkle them in the interaction with other people. Just to really make it something special, so that if it really ends up being used as a hook, it hits hard as a moment in game when the “conflict” comes up.

FULL BACKSTORY

Hadwin is the older son of a couple of drifters that used to live of trade and seasonal work. Despite the very dreary life-style of the very early years of Hadwin’s life, his father, Nester, decided that the family needed to become more stable and they moved into a large city after the third pregnancy of his mother, Quandha. It was obviously a good choice, because the life on the move was way too dangerous for both Hadwin, his two brothers, Xodash and Thamil, and his two sisters, Dapha and Ampash. His mother was mostly busy with being a housewife, but in her free time she kept weaving fabric to sell to the local market like she used to do when they traveled; his father mostly worked at the docks, where his silver tongue sometimes put Nester into trouble and other times was useful for getting work of dubious morals. Even in his early childhood years, Hadwin was always very bright;for one, he liked to build stuff with scraps he found around, but Quandha noticed his fascination with people that had magical abilities too. For this reason Nester decided to pay for the most expensive tuition he could afford for his son at the time (much to his brothers and sisters jealousy), in the hopes that he would get noticed by someone that could maybe one day take him as their apprentice. Despite it all, at the end of the day it was Nester’s silver tongue that allowed Hadwin to become the apprentice of Master Zyphon Volso. Zyphon (a human on the older side), had been travelling mostly alone for years, but as old as he was getting, he was in need of somewhat of a page to take care of the menial things during his travels. In exchange for Hadwin's services, Zyphon promised Nester that he would teach his son what he knew. Hadwin left his family and started following Master Volso in his travels. He mostly took care of menial things, but since he was the son of drifters, he had kind of a knack for tracking and hunting food for them both when they were in the middle of nowhere. There were times when Master Volso would also leave him alone, dismissing Hadwin with rushed excuses; most of those times he would be gone for two or three days, before coming back and pretending like nothing happened. One of those times, after a sudden grumble of “there’s something of the utmost importance I need to deal with”, he left and never came back. The only thing left behind of Master Volso was his precious book with all of the notes of his research, something Hadwin knew Master Volso had never left behind before. Curiosity got the best of him and Hadwin checked the book that had always been inaccessible to him: inside of it there was a note to him. “Hadwin, if I don’t come back in four days, I’m dead. I leave you this as my legacy. I know you can figure out a solution. Make me proud. Zyphon.”. The only problem is that Hadwin really has no fucking clue of what 90% of what is written and drawn inside the book is supposed to mean. But his Master wants him to “make him proud” and that’s exactly what he wants to do!

SUGGESTION CORNER

Suggested features Ability scores: High Dexterity and Intelligence, Low Strength or Wisdom. Skill proficiencies: Arcana, History, Investigation. Musical instrument proficiencies: any kind of percussion to your choice or some kind of flute. Artisan’s tool proficiencies: cook’s utensils. Others: as mentioned before, I suggest the Inheritance from his background to be a “book of projects” his teacher was working on. He doesn’t understand much of it at first, but with time things can change.

Suggested Characteristics Trait: I always want to know how things work and what makes people tick. Ideal: I think often no plan survives contact with reality. Easier to dive in and deal with the consequences. Bond: I owe my teacher everything for forging me into the person I am today. Flaw: I am easily distracted by the promise of a good time.

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years

Photo

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Jess!

You have been accepted for the role of ANDROMEDA TONKS with the faceclaim of Natalie Portman! We really enjoyed your focus on the ambiguity of Andromeda’s beliefs and choices; how choosing Ted doesn’t mean she stopped loving her family, how things aren’t perfect now any more than they were wholly miserable before. We look forward to seeing you dig-into her conflicted feelings and lingering prejudices. We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Jess

AGE: 20

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m a full time student, but I usually have time to spend an hour or so writing a day, and I’m always reachable by mobile!

ANYTHING ELSE: I have a lot of experience with Tumblr RPs, but I haven’t been part of anything for about a year! I’m really excited to re-enter the fandom with a new character.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Andromeda Tonks

AGE: 29

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-female, she/her, heterosexual

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: I’d like to use Natalie Portman as her FC- for me, Natalie always comes across so poised and graceful, which is a trait I really want my Andromeda to have.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

All middle children act out, the Blacks used to say to themselves. Andie’s stubbornness and fire, her petulance and ferociousness were absolutely natural for anyone who grew up aside an elder sister as prominent as Bellatrix, and a younger sister as pristine as Narcissa. Regardless of the occasional dinner table outbursts and the Muggle books hidden under her bed, her fierce love for her sisters convinced Cygnus and Druella they had nothing to worry about. Nobody would have chosen her as the rebel of the family. Sometimes, Andromeda can’t even believe it herself.

While her parents urged her to spend her Hogwarts years searching for a suitable match, Andromeda was almost always found in the library. Slytherin cunning manifested in a thirst for knowledge, a trait that serves her well in the Department of Mysteries. A built-in lie detector and a keen eye for bullshit got her through teenage drama and now, get her through pre-teen squabbles with her daughter. As she grew, she learned when to share her opinion (almost never) and when to keep her mouth shut and listen (most of the time). She prefers to get a good read on people before sharing any of herself with them.

Like every Black, she has her own tempestuous streak. Andromeda can be impatient and particular, liking things done a certain way and at a certain time. A childhood in a controlling family has left her with a need to control her household the same way Druella ruled hers- of course, unlike her mother, Andromeda works full-time and lacks the small army of house elves. Her mother’s influence also left her with a too-sharp tone and a habit of bossing others around. Passion comes easy, but steady, everyday love is harder. Adulthood and responsibility hit her like a brick. She’s a little too measured for spontaneity these days, too concerned about the future to be present in the now. Andromeda is at her best when she’s having fun- but it seems those moments are too few and far between now. Maybe that’s just part of growing up.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Cygnus and Druella never appeared to enjoy having children. To them, children weren’t something to be enjoyed. They were walking trophies, representations of the long and storied history of Black. Andromeda was hardly raised, more cultivated, like a rare orchid or crossbreed of roses. A Black is poised, she is lofty, she is obedient. A Black does not slide down staircases, or speak to the house elves, or make faces at her parents. In time, she became two women- stoic Andromeda, to her parents, and goofy Andie, to her sisters.

Who’s lucky enough to be born amongst their best friends? Andromeda never needed anybody but her sisters growing up- they were her anchors, her compass, her roots. Being a Black was important, as her parents beat into her, but being a sister to Bellatrix and Narcissa was her priority. As her built-in confidants, she confided in them about every impulse and doubt and fear. Until Ted Tonks.

Finally, something was just for her. She hadn’t anticipated how delicious it was to have a secret, how much of an adrenaline rush it was to sneak around. She felt seen for the first time, seen and loved and wanted, and by someone who was indisputably good and kind. Ted shone a light on the fear and confusion that had gradually begun to fill her heart, and in return Andromeda gave Ted her whimsy, her joy- all the parts that were disagreeable to her family. But she also hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to lie to her sisters. Or how difficult it would be to watch them walk away from her. The rejection of her parents hadn’t stung as much as she thought it might. Yes, there was shame, but perhaps more from an accidental pregnancy than from being disowned. The sting was from the upturn of Bella’s nose, the curl of Cissy’s lip. She would have died for them- and they wouldn’t even bend over for her. Becoming Ted’s Dromeda was easy. Shedding Cissy’s Andie was hard. She knows she made her choice, but some days it’s all she can do to keep the lump out of her throat when she looks at her life. It’s worth it, she knows that. She loves her husband and her daughter just as fiercely, if not more so, than she loved her sisters years ago, but that love for them still hasn’t faded. She’s grown to accept that it might never. But even a core as iron as Andromeda’s can fail sometimes, and she sometimes wishes she could have raised Nymphadora in the same palatial luxury she came from.

OCCUPATION:

It’s almost ironic- the woman who’s name is verboten in certain social circles is an Unspeakable. Andromeda loves her work- for the first time in her life, she feels as though she’s contributing to something important, helping people without rocking the boat. The Department of Mysteries is her sanctuary. It feels like nothing from her past followed her here, no petty gossip or snide looks. She’s truly thrown herself into the werewolf project, fascinated by every difference between herself and the subjects that look just like her for all but a few nights a year. She began this study to find a cure for lycanthropy, to make werewolves like everybody else, but the project’s evolved over time to focus on the unique talents and gifts of the werewolf and how they can be exploited. Her whole life has emphasized homogeny, but it might be time for her to start seeing the power of divergence.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

She’s given up her last name, her family, her inheritance. She will not give up her daughter’s safety. It’s not that she doesn’t believe in the cause, because yes, of course she believes Muggleborns have a right to be in this society. She just doesn’t see why she should put her life at risk for it. Of course, the occasional slip of information from her department hardly counts, it’s not as if she’s on the front lines. It could never even be traced back to her. And if she doesn’t tell Ted about it, it’s only because it’s unimportant, not because she’s afraid. Andromeda Tonks would never confess to being afraid.

SURVIVAL:

She flies under the radar as much as possible. Sometimes that means signing her name as A. Tonks in fear of someone putting puzzle pieces together, sometimes that means waiting for the next elevator when the faces inside don’t look friendly, and sometimes it means spending Friday night til Monday morning locked up in their house, afraid of something she can’t put a name to. She’s fortunate enough that her parents are content to only act like she’s dead, but her eldest sister may change that any day. There’s still a part of her that cares for her sister, but if Bellatrix even glanced in the direction of her family, Andromeda would rip her apart in an instant.

RELATIONSHIPS:

The problem with leaving your world behind for a man is that, suddenly, that man becomes your world. High on hormones and righteous fury, Andromeda told Ted over and over he would be all she needed. But she can’t help feeling as though she gave too much and he gave too little. With every slip of the tongue, each not-progressive-enough viewpoint, she wonders if he’ll ever look at her without disappointment in his eyes. If she’ll ever feel worthy of his love. She tries to give hers freely in return, but showing appreciation is hard for her, and recently their relationship has felt more like business partners than man and wife.

She’d love to fill that void with some friends, but frankly, she was too busy following her older sister around like a lost puppy at Hogwarts to make that many. She recognizes surnames in her new social circle from the old- Selwyn, Macmillan, Yaxley- but she doesn’t miss the way these people look at her (she thinks it’s the pity that’s the worst, worse than the disgust or the amusement). And so many others hear the implicit Black when she introduces herself and flee. She never forgets that she still has some family, but Sirius still looks at her with distanced eyes. It doesn’t make sense to Dromeda- in her mind, the two black marks of the family tree should look out for each other, but then again, blood has always taken up a disproportionate amount of Andromeda’s thoughts.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I think Andromeda really loves Ted, but there’s definitely a lot of room to explore in such a high-pressure relationship! She’s lost her family, given her all in raising a child, and is keeping a secret from her husband about helping the Order, all of which I think could be major stressors in their marriage. I’m really very flexible with ships, I just love to write through conflict like that!

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Andromeda grew up in the lap of luxury, with any privilege imaginable. Having all those taken away from her in a heartbeat (the money, the family cache, the status, the family, oh Merlin, the money), left her with more frustration than compassion. These are things she silently feels entitled to, and wishes she could have given to her daughter! Basic responsibilities were foreign to her a decade ago, but she’s been made painfully aware of what her privilege enabled her to do, and what she no longer has access to. It’s made her colder and more serious, and if she was confronted with any of the privilege she still has (being a white, cisgender, straight pureblood), she’d be highly defensive. I’d really love to explore how this silent resentment is building up inside Andromeda- it’s her own choices that led her here, but self-reflection was never her strength, and it’s just easier to pin this loss on Ted, her family, really anyone but herself.

Andromeda was essentially raised in a fundamentalist cult, and she’s only just begun to really confront those implicit biases. While she can say all the right things when prompted- Ted, of course I don’t think Muggleborns are genetically inferior, would I have married you if I did?- she’s not interested in exploring any deeper. To Andromeda, being a pureblood still means something, she just can’t elaborate on what something is without revealing the blood superiority still in her heart. She works with werewolves, but she still sees them as beasts to be feared. She’d be embarrassed if her daughter was born a Squib, and she’d never let her marry a Muggle. In Andromeda’s world, these aren’t viewpoints, but indisputable truths, and she reacts to any attempts to change these truths with a laugh and a wave of an ivory hand. No point in being naive- this is just the way the world is.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I LOVE exploring duality within characters, especially ones seen as “good” in canon. The focus on the gray in all the skeletons really drew me in, and I would really love to write the messier parts of Andromeda.

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL): It would be really exciting to get to write Andromeda when the threat of Death Eaters becomes more immediate, and she begins to recognize faces under the mask. Her love for her family is still very real, and I’d love to write out that internal conflict.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nothing!

#homenumaccepted

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bbydemjin · 4 years

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a shitty harry styles and david mazouz fanfic: chapter 1

this is all a joke, please don’t take any of this seriously. i made this for a joke for my friends and for some reason i have decided to post. be grateful.

My alarm clock let out a screech of agony as it woke me from my crack induced slumber. I lifted my head from my pillow and opened a single eyeball to view the shitty display of the digital alarm clock I brought from the Khanvenience Store that I spotted when I visited Small Heath to see if the Peaky Blinders were still around. Fuck, it was nine o clock! I leapt out of the bong littered heap of teenage odour I called a bed and rushed into the bathroom. I twisted my knee-length brown locks into a messy bun on top of my hair and gazed into the mirror. I was ugly- anyone could see that. My pointed nose, full lips and cheekbones so sharp that l accidentally killed my dad when he cut himself trying to kiss me goodnight at age 8. I was as plain as could be. The worst was my eyes: emerald green, blue if you looked at them in the sun, blood-red if you looked at them in Hell and surrounded by the souls of the Wronged. Men wrote poems about my eyes. I retched from the sight of them and pulled on a loose baggy sweater I nicked from Primark and went down the stairs, careful not to wake my alcoholic stepdad. As I walked over to the front door, my mum screamed at me from the kitchen. “MAEVE YOU FUCK, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING BLACK TAR HEROIN IN THE FUCKING LIVING ROOM”. I flinched slightly and let out a small whimper and scuttled out of the house like the measly rat I am. I ran all the way to school, scared of being late, though as I walked into the school gates, no one seemed to give a fuck because the whole ‘being late thing’ was a shitty plot device used by the writer because she is tired, writing this at midnight and has no other way to introduce Love Interest 1.

I ran down the hallway, my bag the size of a small bag thumping against my ribs because I have a BMI of -5 and am unhealthily skinny to appeal to the paedophiles on Tumblr reading this. Suddenly, I collided into a large object with an exact height of 5ft 9”, the weight of 74kg and shoe size of 10(US). I looked up and met the eyes of someone I had never seen before. They were green. I thought they were sexy. They happened to belong to a boy that I had somehow never met despite being in this school for years now. He was dressed in black (more specifically the black suit Harry wore for the 2019 Met Gala but he does not get dress coded despite being in a generally conservative high school somewhere in Michigan). “H-hi”, I stuttered, focusing my emerald green eyes on the conveniently placed pile of dog shit across the hallway (we are in Michigan remember). “Oh hi”, the brunette boy answered, giving a small smirk. “Sorry, for bumping into you,'' I mumbled, tugging the sleeves of my jumper down nervously. “No problem”, he grinned, “my name is Harry Styles, I’m new here” “My name is Maeve” “Nice to meet you Maeve”, he chucked, “do you know where Room 34 is? I have maths in there” “Oh, yeah, that’s mine. I’m going there anyway”.

Me and the green-eyed, brunette male with the shoe size 10 (US) walked through the halls, silently. I wasn’t like other girls, I physically could not talk to boys. I once had a spastic attack when a boy asked me if he could copy my homework. I went to a doctor but I couldn’t afford the 5 grand consultancy fee. I opened the door to our classroom and walked in and sat down, with no reaction from the teacher despite literally being two hours late. Harry took a seat right next to me, also with no reaction from the teacher. I ignored him and did my work. Suddenly, a piece of paper landed on my desk. I opened it and, in handwriting that looked like someone had put ink on a spider’s legs and watched it die on the paper, it said the words “dumb bitch whore slut cunt piece of shit dickhead prick absolute fucking spastic retarded asshole smartass dumbass fuckass piece of honky donkey doodle shite GO KYS!!!!1111”. I looked back and saw Satan herself grinning at me. Her long blonde hair and pale Aryan skin glowed as she let out a cackle at my face. She was Stacy Smith, my childhood bully for as long as I can remember. On my first day of school, I accidentally called her autistic instead of artistic and the Aryan bitch has hated me ever since. I turned back around angrily. I heard that bloke Harry whisper to me. “Maeve are you okay?”

I, on the verge of tears, stormed out of the classroom and into the men's bathroom. I wept loudly in front of the mirror, scaring off some twig limbed boy using the urinal next to me. I heard loud footsteps behind me, ones that could only belong to a size 10(US) foot. Harry put his medium-sized hand on my bony shoulder. “Maeve, what’s the matter?” “That blonde cunt Stacy Smith threw some paper at me that said I was a dumb bitch whore slut cunt piece of shit dickhead prick absolute fucking spastic retarded asshole smartass dumbass fuckass piece of honky donkey doodle shite” “What? That’s horrible!” “I know-” “But it wasn’t Stacy that threw it” “What?” “It was this other boy in front of you that threw that paper of your desk” “Who was it?” “I’m not sure, I literally got here approximately nine minutes ago. But he was short, scrawny and had matted curly hair. His kneecaps looked tasty.” Then, it hit me who he was describing. He was known across the school for his crimes: bullying, threatening, kidnapping (free my mans starlit rn), murder, musical theatre. Before I could say anything, a dark figure appeared in the bathroom doorway. The shitty flickering light of the budget cut affected bathroom illuminated his features and my worst fears were confirmed. The long stick figure of the one and only Mazodave stood in front of me.

#harry styles #shitpost #david mazouz #fanfic #fanfiction #harry styles x oc #harry styles fanfiction #david mazouz fanfiction #harry styles fanfic

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catfishandthebottlefan · 5 years

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#10 - Raised On Love

T/W- mentions of domestic abuse and alcoholism, but no graphic descriptions.

A/N ~ this is kinda drabbley, I didn’t really know where it was going but the ending is super sweet and fluffy. If you want to feel good, I would say read this because it definitely has the “warm and fuzzy effect”. ~ A x

You were used to it. The plate-smashing, the harsh words, the hate-filled glances. The bad atmospheres at family outings, leaving restaurants early, everybody sitting in separate rooms when you got home.

Your parents’ broken relationship was a part of your childhood, a monumental yet seemingly everyday aspect when you were growing up. In fact, you almost preferred when your parents were fighting, as it felt so fake when they were being pleasant to one another.

Van, on the other hand, was brought up very differently. He was raised on nothing but love. Although you had the material possessions envied by many other children at the time, Van had the loving atmosphere and gentle upbringing that some kids took for granted, but others, like you, longed for. You loved going to his house on Friday evenings for dinner as a young teenager - Mary and Bernie’s welcoming arms and hearty meals left you with a sense of warmth and belonging that you didn’t get at home. Your father would drink his evenings away, and your mother would be filled with so much resent that any meal she cooked could never taste good. The choking sensation in your throat would take over the minute yet another door slammed or a fork was banged against the table.

You remember almost moving in with Van at the age of 16, as you were at his house more often that your own. Rather than heading left out of the school gates, you began to head right, and would spend the evenings with Mary, Bernie, Van, and sometimes even the B&B guests. Then, rather than heading home to sleep in your own bed, you began to stay on the sofa-bed Mary would lovingly make for you in the corner of Van’s tiny room. Eventually, rather than sleeping on the sofa-bed, you found your way into Van’s, and he would stroke your back softly until you fell asleep, warm, safe, and happy.

It continued like that long into your late teens, and you would usually only head home on weekends, or whenever you felt guilty for leaving your mother alone with Him. What you didn’t realise was how violent He would become when you were gone. One night, at 17, Van walked you home, and you arrived to the sounds of glass smashing, your parents shouting, and, worst of all, the silence that followed. You remember unlocking your front door to see your mother cowering in the corner of the hallway, Him stood over her, a beer bottle in his hand and a black look in his eyes. A distressing, yet not unusual sight for you, but, for Van, this was unbearable. He took your mother into his arms and promised her he’d help make it stop.

Soon enough, the abuse did stop, yet not in the best of circumstances. Your father was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver, and he passed away just the next month. You were obviously upset by your father’s death, but the sense of relief that followed when you realised he couldn’t hurt your mother anymore was overwhelming. Your mother moved into the B&B with you for a short while, doing chores such as cleaning to pay Mary back, while she could find a job and get back on her feet. Eventually, she did, and managed to rent a 2 bedroom flat just a few streets away from the B&B. She didn’t really need the second bedroom, as you would stay with Van near enough every night, following him and the band around as they “toured” in their battered, 04 plate, white Transit van. You became close friends with Larry, Benji, Billy and Bob, and became even closer to the new guitarist, Bondy, after Billy left.

You couldn’t work it out at the time, but, now, you know you gravitated towards Van’s family due to their love, which seemed infinite. All Van ever saw through childhood was love, and all you saw was hate. No wonder you’d rather be at the B&B than your own home.

You and Van made your relationship official at 18, when he made you a promise ring from a fragment of an old guitar string. It was then that you began to hero-worship the boy more and more. You believed in Catfish almost more than Mary and Bernie did, accompanying the band and Larry in their van for years as they drove around the country playing gigs for a 20 quid between them and a pint of Guinness each. Although you’d inherited money from your dad when he passed away, you gave the money to your mother to put down the deposit on a home of her own, and you lived off £5 a day like the others. It was enough for a packet of fags between you all, and a Gregg’s pasty each. If you were lucky, you’d get enough tips from your intermittent bar work for a couple of joints worth of weed, and you would get high sitting in the back of the van.

After seven years of driving around in the constantly-breaking-down Transit van, Catfish began getting more popular, and you remember feeling absolutely euphoric when Van told you they’d been signed. You and the lads all got stoned on top of the van that night - you couldn’t remember how you got up there, but you did remember the rush of happiness. And, most importantly, love.

The more time you spent with Van, the more the love began to take over your heart, until the black hate which had previously consumed you became nothing but a shadow in the background.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Van asks, bounding into your hotel room’s ensuite as you sit under the bubbles in your steamy bath.

“I just love you.” you reply, still deep in thought.

“No, you’re thinking of something,” Van persists, “What is it?”

“Well, I was just thinking of how you were just, I don’t know,” you hesitate, “I guess you were just raised on love.”

Van sits on the ground next to the bath. “What’s brought all this on?”

“I was just thinking about when we were kids, you know, I’d stay at the B&B with you and your parents when my dad was being a dick, and they were always just so full of love.” Van smiles, and your chest feels as if it’s going to burst. Seeing Van smile made everything in your little world fit together like a jigsaw.

“I know, Mary and Bernie are and always were class,” he grins, “Can I come in?”

Before you can even give a response, Van has stripped off and climbed into the bath with you.

“I bet you never thought we’d be in a bath this size.” you chuckle, “In Australia as well!”

“Living the dream, babe.” Van lies back against the side of the bath.

“I’m so proud of you, you know?” you say dreamily, lost in his bright blue eyes.

“I really want to fuck you right now, but I’ve got to be on stage in an hour and I don’t think I could handle that.” he replies, looking back into your eyes.

You laugh, shrugging the bubbles off your shoulders. “Truthful as always, Van McCann.”

Van moves closer to you, and places his right hand behind your head. He leans in and kisses your lips softly. He reaches out with his left hand, placing it on your left boob.

“Oy, I did not give you permission to-” you begin to shout, and then feel yourself slip under the water.

Van lets go of you as you push your head back above the surface. You watch as he laughs hysterically, his slightly crooked smile illuminating the whole room.

“You fucking pig.” you laugh, wiping bubbles from your eyes.

“Are you coming to this show, then?” Van asks, stepping out of the bath and reaching for a towel from the adjacent rack.

“When have I ever missed a show?” you reply, smiling.

You stand up, the water slipping off you like a silk robe. There is a slight delay in Van handing you the towel as he stares at your exposed body. You shiver slightly, and he hastily wraps the fluffy white towel around your body as you step out of the bath.

“I’m so lucky to have you, Van McCann.”

“I’m luckier to have you, Y/N McCann.”

#van mccann #catfish and the bottlemen #catb #vanfic #vanfiction #fluff

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thesffcorner · 4 years

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Book Couples of 2019: Ranked

I stole this idea from Sam at ThoughtsOnTomes, and I’ve done it two years in a row. So why not keep the tradition going in the next decade too and rank all the couples from books I read in 2019.

Before we start, some ground rules:

SPOILERS AHEAD;

All of the couples are from books I read in 2019;

All the couples must be canon; they are only on the list if they are written as explicitly romantic;

Worst to Best, i.e. couples I liked the least to couples I liked the best.

Let’s go!

TERRIBLE TIER:

50. Erika and Michael from Corrupt by Penelope Douglass

Is anyone surprised that these two are the worst couple of the year? If you are, you must be new here.

This pairing has all the tropes I hate in literature: an abusive, possessive alpha male hero who treats the girl like shit, but it’s ok because he loves her. He’s also willing to destroy her life over his friends, who as far as he knows raped her, so that’s fun too. Oh, and also it takes for her to almost die for him to tell her he loves her. We stan an emotionally stunted idiot.

As for Erika, she’s entitled, dumb, naive and completely virginal, in spite of being in a committed long term relationship. She has no personality other than her unrequited 14 year old crush, but somehow she’s supposed to be smart and independent? Sure, Jan.

49. Joe and Beck from You, by Caroline Kepness:

I don’t think I need to explain to anyone why I hated these two. They are both pretentious, horrible people and I’d say they deserve each other, except no one deserves Joe, not even Beck.

48. Marcus, Maria and Saya from Deadly Class by Rick Remendeer:

2019 was a bad year for love triangles, which is a trope I’m not a huge fan of anyway, but man did this year make me hate it even more. As the first example we have Marcus, Maria and Saya, who are by far 3 of the most obnoxious characters I have ever had the displeasure of reading from.

First we have Maria, who is just ‘crazy’, because women be crazy y’all! She’s promiscuous, even though she has a boyfriend, who she then cheats on with Marcus, back-stabs her best friend over him, and then gets dropped like a potato when Marcus realizes he can sleep with Saya too.

There are some attempts in the latter volumes to give her some depth and explain why she was dating Dio to start with, but you know, I’d rather you had opened with that.

Marcus, outside of being the absolute worst person in existence, treats Maria poorly, talks shit about her behind her back, cheats on her, let’s her take the fall for stuff he and Saya did and in general doesn’t want to be with her, but stays because sex.

His relationship with Saya is even worse; they like the same shitty music, and are both horny. Also Saya is a horrible tsundere cliche, which is already annoying in anime and manga, even well written ones, let alone when an American writer tries to emulate it. Badly.

BAD TIER:

47. Mariko, Akira and Taro from Empress of All Seasons by Emiko Jean

The second love triangle on the list, and this one wins by being the dumbest, most underdeveloped one of the year.

Mariko was the character I liked the most, but her connection to both Akira and Taro was tenuous at best, and more than a little frustrating.

Akira gets put in the friend-zone, except not really because he actually is proactive and tries to show Mariko that he values her, but then the book forgets about him so we can develop Taro, who is somehow even worse. At least Akira had a connection to Mariko before he fell for her; Taro sees her and decides she’s the one because she talks back at him thinking he’s just an ordinary samurai, not the prince, a trope that needs to fuckin DIE. Not to mention his faster than Kylo Ren turn to the darkside.

46. Odessa, Evander and Mereday from Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh:

The next triangle on this list, and this one hurts more because it actually had potential.

There is something really compelling about two women coming together to grieve the loss of a loved one, with the idea that Mereday has nursed a crush on Odessa since childhood, but because of social norms and her brother, she’s stayed away.

What we get instead is an uneven mess, where neither character feels like they are progressing at all, and a ton of contrivances as to why they won’t talk to each other, instead of building on the existing conflict of ‘Odessa’s boyfriend and Mereday’s brother is the same person, and he is dead’.

45. Poe, Auden and St Sebastian from A Lesson in Thorns, by Sierra Simone:

Speaking of potential, these 3.

This is one of those triangles where all 3 legs should be, and are written to be equal, but unfortunately, the author clearly liked the one I liked the least, the most.

I liked Auden and St Sebastian, wanted to find out what happened to make Auden treat St Sebastian the way he did, and why St Sebastian let him do it. I even liked the pull they felt for each other and the jealousy Poe brought up in them.

I also really liked Poe and St. Sebastian, their angst over being separated, their bonding over feeling like outsiders in Auden’s world, and the loss of their respective mothers.

The couple I liked least were Auden and Poe, which is the one Simone spent the most time on. I hated Auden’s entitlement, the blindness to his privilege, the unnecessary engagement to Delphine, and I likewise hated how horny Poe was 24/7 even when she’s supposed to be finding out what happened to her missing mother, which uh… is not good.

44. Arthur and Ben from What If It’s Us by Adam Silvera and Becky Albertali:

I wasn’t a fan of this relationship from the start, because I just couldn’t stand Arthur as a character. Even though he improved, the relationship didn’t.

The two didn’t have any chemistry, they weren’t compatible, and Ben had rather serious issues he should have been solving, instead of jumping straight into a new relationship. Arthur also fixated on stupid shit like a box of stuff, which is appropriately immature, but didn’t make me root for them to succeed as a couple.

Also I hated the ending.

43. Penelope and Sam from Emergency Contact, by Mary H K Choi

In theory, these two would be in the meh tier, but what pissed me off about this relationship is how underdeveloped it was. Sam was a character who needed serious counselling and therapy, not a girlfriend, and Penelope was just an immature teenager. I didn’t root for them to get together, I rooted for them to get help.

42. Malachiasz and Nadezda from Wicked Saints, by Emily Duncan:

These two absolutely have to go to the bad tier, even though they had potential and worked with tropes I like.

I love the idea of a villain-hero romance; it can be done right, and the push and pull between power and control, light and dark, etc can be invigorating. This, was not that.

Firstly we don’t know that Malachiasz is a villain for most of this; at most we think he’s some kind of assassin, but considering the whole mission the characters are on is to destroy Kalyzin and kill the King, that’s not exactly damning. Second, what should be these characters’ conflict, their religious views isn’t at all explored and Nadezda falls for Malachiasz way too quickly for someone who has been indoctrinated from birth to kill people who do blood magic.

Also there’s a set up for a love triangle in book 2, and when will my suffering end.

41. Celine, Bastien and Grimaldi from The Beautiful, by Renee Ahdieh:

Speaking of love triangles, we have possibly the worst one I read this year, in that it wasn’t even properly established!

I had the same issues with Bastien as I did with Auden; he had no personality, other than being rich and handsome. He also does the whole ‘this woman talks back to me, so she must be the one’, which is strike 1 against him.

Celine was fine as a character, but her connection and love for Bastien felt unwarranted, considering both his behavior and everything she knows about him, not to mention it somehow felt rushed in a 500 page book.

Grimaldi I just plain hated. Him stepping in to pretend that he was Celine’s lover when she’s lost her memories and clearly doesn’t love him, but ESPECIALLY him deciding out of the blue that he loves her after he detains and humiliates her for his own amusement made me rage quit this series.

40. Daisy, Camila and Billy from Daisy Jones and the Six, by Taylor Jenkins Reid:

Yeah, I know it’s weird to put the couple(s) from a favorite book of the year in the bad tier, but I really, really didn’t like these pairings.

Billy and Camila were infuriating. I get that people like that exist but Camila was far too forgiving considering everything Billy put her through. Billy was trash.

I also hated the way Billy treated Daisy, and I was furious that she had to live with knowing what was happening between them for decades while he got to go home to his wife and pretend nothing happened. Yeah, this book hit a personal spot, read the review if you want more coherent thoughts.

39. Noam and Dara from the Fever King, by Victoria Lee:

I am genuinely shocked they are this close to the meh tier, because boy was I not a fan of them.

I wrote a really detailed review of this book, and all my issues with Noam and Dara, from their age gap, to the weird sexual politics, to substance abuse, and especially to Dara reading Noam’s mind for months without telling him anything. Their relationship made me uncomfortable, and that was without adding the third leg of this Godforsaken triangle which is Lehrer, a man who is like 100 years old.

But hey, I still want to know what goes down in book 2, so they get to close out the bad tier.

MEH TIER:

38. Runa and Indigo from The Boneless Mercies, by April Genevive Tucholke:

Runa was a great character, but this romance is barely worth mentioning. It’s introduced at the very end, and it’s underdeveloped.

37. Jack and the Village Girl from Down Among the Sticks and Bones, by Seanan McGuire:

I tried to look up the girl’s name, I really did, but I couldn’t find it and I don’t remember it. I also don’t have the book so I can’t check.

I don’t know what I expected from a book about Jack and Jill, but Jill killing Jack’s girlfriend because she was jealous of Jack is… well not it.

36. Lowen and Jeremy from Verity, by Colleen Hover:

I struggled with whether to put these two in the bad or the meh tier. On the one hand, I cared not one bit about their relationship, even after we discover that it’s founded on lies and an attempted murder. On the other, there was nothing inherently wrong with their interactions and they did care for one another, even if was painfully boring.

In the end, I decided that boredom is a meh trait so, meh tier it is.

35. Annaleigh and Cassius from House of Salt and Sorrows, by Erin A Craig:

Instalove, the couple.

There was some potential, with the whole not knowing when it’s the real Cassius and when it’s Kosamaris or the Trickster pretending to be him, but it’s barely taken advantage of. In the end it’s just another ‘we’ve known each other for a week, but let’s die for each other’ plot.

34. Mei and Kai from The Bride Test, by Hellen Hoang:

I really struggled where to put these two, because as individual characters, they were fine, great even. As a couple? Yikes.

I loved Mei and wanted her to be happy, but the secret she kept from Kai was genuinely horrible, and I still can’t believe that the book resolved it by just not addressing it until the very end.

Kai was fine, not nearly as developed or likable as Mei, but the way he treated Mei in parts of this book were horrific, even if he struggles with expressing feelings and boundaries.

I ended up placing them in the meh tier, because at least they were never malicious to each other, which is more than can be said for the couples in the bad and terrible tier.

33. Rachel and Delphine from A Lesson in Thorns, by Sierra Simone:

These two get to be in the meh, not the bad purely because I actually understood their dynamic. I really liked the idea of Delphine discovering her sexuality, both in women and in BDSM, and overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own body and desires.

I also liked seeing Rachel realize that she had actual feelings for Delphine and having to deal with them. Too bad I’ll never get to find out how their relationship will pan out, cause fuck this series.

32. Stevie and David from Truly Devious, by Maureen Johnson:

These two were perfectly fine, even interesting at points, until the ending, which made me so angry that they get to squat in the meh tier.

Also Stevie going through David’s stuff? Not cool.

31. Yen and Vu Con from In the Vanisher’s Palace, by Aliette DeBodard:

The dynamic between these two was more than a little uneven, with the constant threat of murder and the knowledge that Yu would never be able to go home and see her mother, which is enough for me to resent any character no matter how cool of a dragon she is.

But… that human-dragon sex scene. Wildest thing I’ve read all year.

30. Henry and Diego from We Are the Ants, by Shaun David Hutchinson:

While I liked the book a lot, Henry and Diego were… not great. Diego was a character that at points came off more unreal than the aliens, from his wildly dramatic life story, to him not going to jail at the end, and his limitless patience when it came to Henry. Truly a manic pixie dream boy.

29. Olive and Ethan from the Un-honeymooners, by Christina Lauren:

This couple would have been in the great tier, had it not been for the last third of the book. Ethan not believing Olive, telling her that she’s jealous and dramatic for wanting to warn her sister that his brother is a cheater, and then making up for it with a stupid, grandiose gesture instead of, actually talking to her and learning his lesson? Nah, we don’t stan that kind of manipulative behavior in this house. The only reason they are in the meh tier is because they really were cute the rest of the book.

28. Isobel and Julio from An Alchemy of Masques and Mirrors, by Curtis Craddock:

Not much to say about them, mostly because they met in the last third of the book. I would take a bullet for Isobel, and judging by the blurb for book 2, Julio might have beat me to it, so he gets to be in the meh.

27. Emily and Haskel from Passing Strange, by Ellen Klages:

Like Mei and Kai, I liked these two as separate characters more than as a couple. It’s not that there weren't any chemistry between them, it’s that they weren’t developed enough for me to care. If this were a longer work instead of a novella, they’d probably be higher.

26. Jonas and Florian from The Monster of Elendhaven, by Jennifer Giesbrecht:

I liked the idea of this relationship more than the execution. Jonas being horny 24/7 for Florian’s dainty wrists was understandable, but Florian being sad that Jonas isn’t his dead twin sister… less so.

However this does get points for having the strangest sex scene in any book I’ve read this year; yeah even stranger than the one in Gideon the Ninth.

OK TIER:

25. Ruby and Dov from The Wise and the Wicked, by Rebecca Podos:

While I didn’t love the book, Ruby and Dov were fine. I appreciated the trans rep, I liked the way their relationship developed and the oddball humor the characters shared, and I thought they were cute together.

24. Lila and Cassel from the Curse Workers Series, by Holly Black:

Lila and Cassel grew on me substantially between White Cat and the rest of the series. I liked the angst in Red Glove because of Lila being worked and I liked the rod trip they get to go on at the end of Black Heart.

23. Aurora and Kal from Aurora Rising, by Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman:

There is nothing wrong with Aurora or Kal, even their bonding/imprinting thing reminded me too much of Twilight/Avatar.

They do have cute scenes together, but I’m just not a fan of the alpha male, macho boy ‘protecting’ the girl and deciding for her what he will do with their relationship. There’s room for improvement, is what I’m trying to say.

22. All the couples from the Witchlands Series, by Susan Dennard:

I was originally going to split these up in different tiers, but seeing as it’s been exactly a year since I read these books, and I don’t remember much about these couples, they all get to go in the OK tier.

First we have Ryber and Kullen from Sightwitch. I liked Kullen’s humor, which contrasted well with Ryber’s seriousness and diligence, but there’s very little of them as an actual couple. I hope we get to see them again in Bloodwitch.

Aeduin and Iseult were also fine. I know they feature more prominently in Bloodwitch, but what little we get from them in Truthwitch and Windwitch was some solid set up for a good Ben/Rey, Zuko/Katara type relationship.

Safi and Merik are my favorite, but that’s only because I love Safi. Merik is the weaker part of this duo, though I do enjoy their banter, and the scene in Truthwitch where they dance and start levitating was amazing.

21. Sam Cade and Gina from Stillhouse Lake, by Rachel Caine:

I was really surprised by how much I still like these two as a couple. The only reason they aren’t higher, is because they don’t stay a couple by the end of the book.

I genuinely loved how tender and slow their relationship developed, and how much character development Cade got to get to it. Him bonding with Gina’s kids, was super sweet and the scene where he asks Gina if he can kiss her warmed my shriveled heart.

GOOD TIER:

20. Frey and King Roth from The Boneless Mercies, by April Genevive Tucholke:

I think the theme for the good category is my surprise at how much certain couple stuck with me. When I read the book, I wasn’t thrilled with Frey and Roth, because a different romance for Frey had been built up.

But now, a year later, I still remember their scenes, especially the one where Roth tells Frey he is writing an epic about her, and asks her to come back to him. Good sh*t.

19. Kate and Shepherd from This Is Our Story, by Ashley Elston:

I was surprised at how much I liked these two as a couple. They were supportive and cute, while also dealing with some serious issues and angst. The ending was a bit dramatic, but the scene where Kate likes a 4 year old picture of Shep on instagram by accident SPOKE TO MY SOUL.

18. Grier and Shafeen from STAGS by M A Bennett:

This is another pairing that surprised me with how much I liked them. The book claimed that Henry was charming, but Shafeen was the real charmer, and I could actually believe that he is a gentleman who went to private school.

Grier was a bit dim, and more than a little naive, but I liked how she got through the huntin’ shootin’ an’ fishin.

17. Levi and Enne from Ace of Shades, by Amanda Foody:

I loved these two and they had great chemistry and banter, but they aren’t yet an official couple so I can’t really justify putting them any higher than good.

The scene where Enne plays for Levi’s life? Amazing.

16. Harrow and Gideon from Gideon the Ninth, by Tamsyn Mur:

I wanted them to be in the great tier, but they just weren’t.

I loved Gideon; she was funny, a true himbo. But Harrow? I hated her for about the first 300 pages of the book. And when I finally stopped hating her, they had that weird bath sex scene and then Gideon DIED.

So I can’t put them any higher knowing that I liked only 20% of their actual relationship.

15. Cat and Tyler from Aurora Rising, by Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman:

Cat and Tyler? Now that’s some good sh*t.

I am a sucker for the captain and his/her pilot pairing, especially if one of them is a smooth talking pretty boy and the other a daredevil always ready to fight. These two were excellent, not just in their chemistry and banter, but also in the angst because what kept them apart actually made sense.

I love that Cat broke a chair off of Tyler’s head when they met, Anne of Green Gables style, but I also love the scene where they first got together at the bar. Chef’s kiss.

14. Sebastian and Emir from Running with Lions, by Julian Winters:

Seb and Emir were really close to making the great tier, but there were just too many contrived reasons to keep them apart.

I liked the slow build from enemies to friends to lovers, but I just wish we had gotten more time on the lovers section without unnecessary drama keeping them apart.

13. Poppy and Cerenic from Sleepless, by Sarah Vaughn:

I freaking love Poppy and Cerenic, and they would have been in the great tier, had it not been for the rushed ending.

They were still excellent together; supportive, trusting and caring, and that scene where Cerenic kisses Poppy so she can’t put him to sleep? God tier.

GREAT TIER:

12. Mia and Grace from On a Sunbeam, by Tillie Walden:

I loved how cute and realistic, Mia and Grace’s relationship was, which a wild thing to say for a series set in space. I loved their friendship, how it slowly became a romance, the heartbreaking way they split apart and then found each other again.

The only reason they aren’t higher on the list is because they don’t end the comic as a couple, which works perfect for the story, but less so for my, uh, list of couples.

11. Millie and Flora from Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins:

I am a sucker for the stuck up snob falls for the earthy dumbass, and Flora and Millie were exactly that. They were a really cute couple; I liked the discussion of homophobia in the royal family, letting someone else define your life and the overall way the two of them got together. I also appreciated Millie being the one to fuck up and doing everything she could to fix her mistakes.

10. Daisy and Miles from Prince Charming by Rachel Hartman:

Daisy and Miles beat Millie and Flora just because reading their banter put tears in my eyes. I don’t think I’ve laughed out loud at any other book like I did this one.

There were so many great moments in this book, starting from Big Bird Hat to Sebastian getting punched by Alex, but the scene I love the most was the scene between Miles and Daisy in the cabin.

9. Severin and Laila from The Gilded Wolves, by Roshani Chokshi:

The amount of angst and sexual tension Laila and Severin have makes me wonder if this book perhaps should have been an adult.

I like both characters on their own, though I’m always a sucker for the trope of two competent and smart people making the other an absolute fool just by being in the same room as them.

I would have put them higher, but I just hate the way this book ended. Though since I’m mentioning scenes that were great… the dance. If you know you know.

8. Jack Zimmerman and Bitty from Check, Please! By Ngozi Ukazu:

Jack and Bitty are too cute for words. I love the way their relationship developed, I love their dynamic, how positive their relationship is while also dealing with real world issues, like families and gossip magazines.

Also this comic is amazing and free, go read it.

7. Hypnos, Zofia and Enrique from The Gilded Wolves, by Roshani Chokshi:

I didn’t know that my perfect pairing is where every character is Jonathan from the Mummy, but I guess that’s my jam.

Enrique and Zophia using their skills in math, languages and history to solve riddles together was great and hilarious, especially Enrique antagonizing Zofia just to see her reaction.

Hypnos is my favorite character and the banter between him and Enrique was excellent; I’m always a sucker for smooth-talking rich, misunderstood anti-heroes with tragic backstories (ahem, Lando, ahem). If this is to be a love triangle with one pairing at the end, I really don’t know who I’m rooting for.

6. Zara, Beatriz and Nadim from the Honors Series, by Rachel Caine and Ann Aguire:

Finally, some good fuckin food.

This love triangle fed me. It was the only one that was properly developed and established, I loved all 3 characters in it, and they all complimented each other amazingly.

Zara is a great lead, I really loved her journey; I would die for Nadim, though I’d probably have to fight Zara for that because her commitment to him was so wonderful. I also really love how slowly and carefully Beatriz was introduced as a love interest, and how well balanced the three of them are. Can’t wait to see what happens in Honor Lost.

5. Bri and Curtis from On the Come Up, by Angie Thomas:

Listen, their banter alone was enough to make me root for them. Also Curtis saved Bri from a freaking SWAT team so like… what more do I need to say.

They were just super cute and entertaining ok?

GOD TIER:

4. Nax and Ryan from The Disasters, by M K Englnd:

The only couple that came close to making me laugh as much as Miles and Daisy, except I related to Nax way more as the bisexual disaster he is.

I loved the way Nax’s always on the edge of a panic attack, and yet somehow still so charming personality was complemented by Ryan’s cool calm and collected demeanor, and their banter was hilarious.

I especially enjoyed Nax’ inner monologues, and the scene where they have to hide in a herd of goats had me in stitches.

3. Neil and Andrew from All for the Game Trilogy, by Nora Sakavic:

People should learn how to write an angsty slowburn from this series.

Andrew is an absolute piece of shit and Neal definitely deserved better, but I am not about to sit here and tell you that the scene where Andrew let Neal put his hand on his chest and Neal didn’t move it, didn’t send me into a weeklong crisis.

2. Rachel and Sana from Tell Me How You Really Feel, by Aminah Mae Safi:

Sana and Rachel were like two halves of my own personality and yet somehow infinitely cooler than I’ll ever be. Their romance was an excellent homage to every great teen rom-com, and I loved every page of it.

Sana was amazing; I loved her personality, the way she stood up for herself and dealt with problems. I also loved that for once the more feminine of the duo was the one who took charge of the relationship.

The only gripe I have with Rachel was that she finished the film before the screening, like hello, ex-film student here: I call bs.

1. Alex and Henry from Red White & Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston:

Was there any doubt here? Henry and Alex were hands down the best written couple of 2019. Not only were both individual characters fleshed out and so well developed, their relationship, going from enemies, to beruging friends, crushes, and finally lovers willing to upheave international politics was amazing to read about.

Alex Claremont Diaz is my favorite character of the year and maybe even top 5 of all time, and if you haven’t read this book, read it. It will make you a happier person.

And there you have it, 50 couples ranked. Happy reading in 2020!

#book couples 2019 #book couples #reading #moni talks

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amazonia-love · 5 years

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When Love Comes To Town

You guys ever have that moment when you hear something and, all of a sudden, finally understand a concept you have never really grasped before? It happened to me recently at a TBT-S (Temperament Based Treatment, with Supports) workshop for carers of kids with ED run by Drs Laura Hill, Stephanie Knatz Peck and (I forgot the other name – doh). Dr Hill was talking about why CW purging is so compelling. As she talked, I suddenly had complete clarity about my own history with purging. I suffered with AN/BP for nine years from before I was a teenager to age 20; I don’t have to describe the struggle. I know that you who have it, or have had it, or have cared for someone who has it, understand already. It is hell, isn’t it? No matter how many times I promised myself I would “stop”, no matter how many times I begged the God of my childhood to forgive me and to help me not do this to myself any more, I was unable to break the habit. I would suppress my intake for as long as I could and then bust out into a spree; or it would just happen over and over again every day for weeks – no rhyme nor reason – and no way out that I knew. I had breaks of being behaviour free – but they were few and far between. Plus, I lost my ability to function well at those moments. The behaviours worsened when I was involved in a relationship of any kind with a boy. They became the way I managed distress about expectations; on one hand, the expectations of the religion in which I was raised, and which was all consuming, about physical behaviour between “the opposite sexes”; on the other, the expectations of boys and men about physical behaviour. And somewhere in the middle of those, me myself, and my absolute hatred of being “groped” competing with an all-consuming craving for being “loved”. I would find myself in a relationship (which was really just one big struggle to feel validated while repeatedly peeling some guy’s fingers off my body?) and enjoy the euphoria that came with feeling wanted, and with being held, and being touched in a non-sexual manner. Trouble is, non-sexual touch was never enough for most guys; cue the usual battle, hands from no-go zones, while trying to avoid rejection.

My craving, above all, was to be wanted.

I remember sitting in a car with a guy friend once and telling him that I just wanted someone to want to marry me. He just about died on the spot. I didn’t understand why he was so nervous. But he misunderstood the words. I wasn’t saying I wanted him (or anyone else) to marry me, just that I wanted to be WANTED. Poor guy probably shat himself.

Given that I was raised in a misogynistic religion, where women were seen as temptresses, leading men to sin, and sex outside of marriage was about the worst thing anyone could do, it was natural that I struggled with overwhelming guilt. Hell, when I was a pre-teen, I used to tickle my own arms as a means of soothing myself. I know now that it was stimming, and it is not a big deal. Back then I felt as guilty as hell because I believed it was “masturbation”, which was right up there with some of the worst things as mentioned. I had no concept of physical pleasure being “allowed” or that I was ok to bring it to myself. To complicate things further, I had been sexually abused as a small child by a family member. My response in that situation had been to “freeze” (my default fear response), and later to shame myself for it having happened, a pattern that would play out many times in my later years. The worst part of that experience was losing the innate response to say no and resist, and not ever having that response validated or reinforced by someone else. It was only as an adult that I began the difficult task of validating my own responses to that situation.

Add to this the rhetoric in my family religion around “gluttony”. Hoo boy. Can of worms anyone? Gluttony was a “huge” sin, and as a child I listened to many bible-based talks (given by the same men in suits that roundly condemned all things sexual) condemning “desires of the flesh”…. Overindulgence in food and sexual pleasure – an incredibly damning combination. Add in my father’s eating disordered behaviours and personality, and his incessant discussions about fat people – linking body size to weakness and lack of discipline, greed and “not really being spiritual people” as he himself struggled against his own hunger and deep sense of self-loathing, and his rigid control over the clothing his daughters wore, and his constant attempts to supress any signs of blooming sexuality in our actions or dress.

It was a shitstorm that enabled my ED to flourish. The only way of managing my anxiety was, of course, practicing ED behaviours; either severe restriction (usually fasting on vegetable juices, something our family had done since I was 9), or reactive eating followed by purging.

And then love came to town. Someone wanted to marry me. A manboy of 20, same age as me. He had the same urges as all the other boys, of course, but it was a little more permissable in the context of “getting married”. Sex was all good in a married state (until misogyny and patriarchy reared their ugly heads, along with our complete ignorance about adulting, and my trauma history came home to roost). And, because the religious constraints around “going too far” were in place, I was getting all of the physical affection I had been craving, without being pressured overly much for more.

I “confessed” to him about the purging. He “confessed” a “great sin” of his own. And, naively and hopefully, we promised that that was the end of those behaviours. Which, of course, it wasn’t. But we thought it would be. I did stop purging. Only had a couple of lapses after that. It was like switching off a light. One moment the purge was there, and the next it was gone. (What I didn’t know was that I was not “cured” of ED, and that it was still running the show behind the scenes, and that it would overwhelm me in the future any time I faced an anxiety-inducing situation.)

In my mind I had always tied it up with “being in love”. I used to jokingly say that I had “traded addictions”. Turns out, I was partially right. Partially.

Back to Dr Hill. In her discussion about purging, she mentioned the huge rush of a nine-amino acid peptide, vasopressin, at that moment, which has a euphoric, heady, calming effect (it also affects fluid balance in the body). Vasopressin is one of the reasons that purging is so compelling. I registered with a shock that I had taken a photo of a newspaper article that mentioned vasopressin, and that it was still stored in my phone. I flicked through my gallery until I found this.

And there it was.

Dr Hill’s words completed and validated my understanding of how I had been able to stop purging at the time. I replaced one source of vasopressin with another, and added in high levels of oxytocin (which has been used to some success in treating AN) to boot. I knew back then the purging was problematic. But I didn’t have a name for it until a few years later. And, the fact that I had been able to stop the behaviour fooled me into thinking that I had been cured at that moment. As more became known about ED, I used to believe that I had “had” an ED in my younger years; I used to believe purging was an addiction; and I used to think that my eating was an addiction as well, and that all I had to do was to get the same control over it that I had gained over purging. Which I endeavoured to do for most of my adult life, and came closest to perfecting, between the ages of 46-52, before realising that I had a very long term relationship indeed with ED, and that my seeming “perfect control” was classically typical AN.

ED and anxiety are bosom buddies. All too often we focus on the behaviours, or on our current weight, or on the foods we are eating, or on how are clothes might fit. Practising remission isn’t about “what “ we do or how much we weigh, but hinges on whether or not we are using ED modalities to manage our anxiety. Stopping purging was great. But I STILL had an active ED. If I map out my life from that moment, there is a clear pattern. I resorted to getting into, or staying in, an overall calorie deficit whenever things got stressful. And until I interrupted THAT pattern, I was unable to practise remission.

Deal to the anxiety; and you deal to the ED.

#bulimia nervosa #AN/BP #binge/purge #eating disorders #eating disorder recovery #weight stigma #anxiety disorder

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ysscquotes · 6 years

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Confused (Oneshot)

The Entire Council (Shiromi-centric)

Quote Request

Shiromi had always been confused. Well, that's what her parents told her anyways. She had never really felt the same as the other girls around her. While her childhood playmates found boys gross and her teenage peers were boy crazy, she just felt... Indifferent. So what if this guy was fit? Why would he be worth obsessing over? Shiromi knew she was different when she didn't feel the way her peers did about the opposite sex. Her parents acted like this meant their daughter was broken, so she decided to put up walls and hide absolutely everything she felt, what's the point of letting people know what you feel if you get ridiculed for it?

Her parents were concerned at first of course, but they quickly found that their daughter acting this way made them feel much better than before when they were worried about their daughter's sexuality, at least she wasn't trying to figure herself out and come to the 'wrong' conclusion.

Shiromi herself didn't know what to make of herself or how she didn't feel attracted to guys. She knew there were girls out there who liked other girls, she wasn't stupid. But she wasn't sure if she was like that, and if she was she knew her parents wouldn't approve. So she decided to let herself be an enigma, it's not like she knew herself that well either.

Then one day, she had the answer handed to her on a silver platter.

It was an ordinary day at first. Walking through the hall on her way to class, thinking about random facts, getting stared at, still managing to pickpocket people's spare change despite the staring, the usual. She mostly did the stealing for fun, she had no reason to do it really, she was a Straight A student who didn't need to steal answers or a poor person who needed to steal to survive. She was just bored.

She had just passed a girl a bit older than her who didn't seem to be very focused on anything at all, an easy target. She had the girl's cell phone her hands within seconds and decided to make this a lesson for the girl to pay attention more closely.

"Hey. This yours?" Shiromi asked with her usual enigmatic way. No emotion.

"...How on Earth did you-" The girl looked at her with shock. Shiromi silently cursed when she realized this girl knew exactly what she had done. Oh well, what was another office referral? It's not like her parents cared all that much in the first place. That was when she noticed the red arm band. Student Council President. Shiromi started to sweat. She had really done it this time, hadn't she? Shiromi's mind ran rampant with all the bad things that could happen after her latest stunt.

"...You have impressive skill. What's your name?" The girl asked Shiromi, looking at her with something akin to fascination. She held out her hand towards Shiromi, and Shiromi quickly took the hint and put the girl's phone in her hand. However that didn't seem to be what she was asking for when she raised an eyebrow.

"...Shiromi Torayoshi. What is this, an interrogation?" Shiromi spoke fairly quietly, refusing to make eye contact. The last thing she needed was to dig her own hole even deeper. She could still peek and see Megami's hands, and it seemed she was looking through what seemed like student files she had been carrying. Shiromi closed her eyes and kept her head down, bracing for the worst. ...However she found herself jumping when the girl took her hand and shook it. Her previous hand gesture made much more sense now...

"I believe it's called an introduction," The girl made her own quip in return. "My name is Megami Saikou. I'm the current Student Council President. We've been looking for someone with your... Assets." Megami continued to speak, although the elaboration only made her intentions muddier. Shiromi just barely avoided blinking in confusion at that. What use could the Student Council possibly have for a pickpocket? Shiromi doubted she wanted to know...

"So, would you like to be a Student Council Member?" Megami asked, making Shiromi break her enigmatic facade with a very puzzled look, surprising Megami quite a bit. She had never even heard of Shiromi having any other look on her face then the dead stare of someone who had retreated inward to protect themselves. Even with her puzzled look, there was no signs of life behind her eyes.

"...Why... Why me, of all people?" Shiromi struggled to choose her words very carefully. She didn't want to reveal too much of herself just for this simple unimportant conversation. ...Was it unimportant?

"Because you'd be perfect for our last position. Besides, you look like you need some friends." Megami responded warmly, gently placing a gloved hand on Shiromi's shoulder. Now this was definitely not unimportant. Joining the student council, for real? They needed her? Someone needed her? Friends?

For the first time since she could remember, Shiromi's emotions rose to the surface. Megami could see the glassy, dead look in Shiromi's eyes flicker and vanish for a moment. For a moment, she could see something alive, something she had already guessed was there-a lonely and confused girl standing on an unstable foundation. And just as quickly as it came, the eyeshine vanished from her eyes once more, leaving her with the usual vacant gaze she had kept for years.

"...Sure. I'll join." Shiromi tried to keep her voice even and push the emotions that had suddenly surfaced down.

And that chance meeting was what lead to her finding who she really was, how she really felt.

She had stepped into that club room feeling skeptical about how she would fit into it and what she was even doing there. She shifted uncomfortably in her new uniform as she looked around. She recognized everyone there, the previous Student Council President, one of the most popular girls in the school, and a former delinquent. She had never spoken with any of them before and didn't really know them, but she still knew of them for their reputations and their beauty, although Shiromi would never say the latter out loud in fear of her parents.

"Everyone, this is Shiromi Toriyashi," Shiromi could feel Megami place a hand on her shoulder, causing Shiromi to flinch slightly and glance at her before Megami continued. "Shiromi-San, these three are Kuroko, Akane, and Aoi. You all get acquainted while I finalize your new position with the Principal." Megami pat Shiromi's shoulder before leaving.

Shiromi immediately shrunk back at being left alone with strangers, although she tried to maintain her usual poker face. At least it wasn't any guys, Shiromi couldn't hold a conversation with the average teenage boy. Most of them were far from her intellectual equals in both maturity and IQ which made conversations with them taxing, although with a few exceptions such as the guys from the gaming, martial arts, Occult, or the science clubs, they tended to either stay away from her or be very easy to talk to.

But talking with girls was a whole other beast. Shiromi had discovered from her years on this Earth that she was a bit shier when it came to the same sex which made conversing harder, especially with girls like the three in front of her now. This could only end so well. So, she did the only thing she could think of.

"...Hello." Shiromi greeted quietly with a pathetic excuse for a wave that didn't quite reach above her waist. She could feel all five eyes staring a hole into her without even having to look up. She was a bit odd, she didn't blame them.

However she found herself nearly jumping out of her skin when the redhead, Akane, launched herself at Shiromi and tackled her with a hug, nearly knocking her over.

"Aww you're so cute, like a little baby tiger!" Akane squealed, hugging the smaller girl close to her with a bright grin before picking her up and spinning her around, Shiromi letting out a startled and somewhat scared yelp at the blatant invasion and consumption of every inch of her personal space bubble. Shiromi kicked and struggled against both Akane's grip and the blood rushing to her face, but Akane was hugging her with a death grip whilst nearly suffocating Shiromi in her chest. Thankfully soon after she started flailing the other two members decided to attempt at helping, Aoi prying Shiromi free and pulling her away while Kuroko calmly explained to Akane for what must've been the umpteenth time that not everyone likes hugs and that she didn't know her own strength.

"Are you okay?" Asked a voice Shiromi couldn't quite identify due to her currently covering her face with her hands, trembling violently, still in shock and fear of being crushed by a bust and barely standing. However she was quickly snapped out of it when she felt strong arms supporting her barely upright body. Shiromi hesitantly opened her eyes only to be greeted by Aoi's azure eye and a concerned look.

"...F-Fine..." Shiromi murmured with a shaking voice. She quickly tried to regain her balance and footing so she could get out of the arms of yet another Student Council member because she was very much not a fan of how most of the blood in her body was rushing to her face at the moment.

“Calm down, sheesh…” Aoi sighed at Shiromi’s eagerness to get away from her, “It’s not like we bite, pull yourself together Toriyoshi.” Aoi crossed her arms, her previous concern evaporating at Shiromi’s apparent dislike of her.

“Aoi, remember when YOU met Akane?” Kuroko sighed in exasperation at Aoi’s attitude towards the newest student council member. Aoi cringed at the memory of her own meeting with the redhead following almost the exact same path as what has just happened.

“Fine, fine, sorry Toriyoshi.” Aoi grumbled under her breath, not looking at the white tiger who was still trying to steady herself after that… Event.

Shiromi was still blushing heavily but managed to give Kuroko a grateful nod at the assist. She hadn’t blushed this much in years, at the time she just assumed that it was because of her personal space being evaded, but later she realized it was because she had figured herself out. She was blushing so much because all the other members of the student council were so pretty and very kind to her for the most part. Shiromi had her answer handed to her on a silver platter in the form of four different crushes… And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

The reason this was put out so quickly was because I was already writing this and when it fit the ship tag I decided to finish it up early for you guys instead of writing another one, hope you like it Anon!

#Oneshots #Shiromi Torayoshi #Megami Saikou #Akane Toriyasu #Aoi Ryugoku #Kuroko Kamenaga #The Entire Council

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