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fingergunsbidean · 3 years

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A Journey in Bisexuality

Word Count: 4.3k Pairings: Dean/Castiel (main), Dean/OMC, Dean/Lee, Dean/Garth Warnings: Underage feelings for Harrison Ford, internalized homophobia, mentions of homophobia but no homophobic actions are done towards Dean, drunken kissing, NSFW elements but no smut, alcoholism implied, and mentions of John Winchester’s A+ parenting, but no actual interactions with him. Summary: A character study of Dean and his journey with discovering and accepting his bisexuality.

Note: I was NEVER actually planning on posting this. I’m NOT a fic writer lol. I actually wrote this as a self paragraph in a 1x1 ten months ago, but I thought we could all use some Dean going to therapy and healing after that finale, so here we are.

Dean is fourteen when he starts looking at Harrison Ford differently. It’s not just him, it’s all his favorites, but right now it’s all about Harrison Ford.

His dad is on a hunt in the next town over, leaving Sam and Dean in some cheap motel. For once, he’s not itching to join him, because the local cable is having an all day Harrison Ford marathon, starting with Star Wars and ending with Indiana Jones.

He’s always admired the guy. He’s good looking, knows how to handle a gun, wears an awesome hat, and always wins the hot girl in the end.

The thing is that Dean always wanted to be him, and as he watches Indi somersault out of the way of an oncoming boulder, he still does, but there’s something more there tonight that he hasn’t noticed in the past.

His cheeks feel flushed and there’s heat tickling underneath his skin. At first, he thinks he’s getting a fever or something and moves over to the other bed, just in case he’s contagious.

The space does nothing to help Dean though, and his pink cheeks grow bright red when Indiana kisses Willie in Temple of Doom. As the music swells, and he lowly says the words “primitive sexual practices,” Dean finds that he’s picturing himself in Willie’s place, with Harrison Ford looming over him and dipping down to kiss him deeply.

“I–uh–think I’m gettin’ sick or something. I’m going to bed,” He says. But hours after the lights are turned off and he’s buried under the covers, he’s still wide awake.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is seventeen, and this is the longest they’ve stayed in one place since he watched their house in Lawrence disappear from the backseat in the Impala.

When their dad took on a pretty big case in Florida, he left the Sam and Dean with Bobby, and then…just kind of left them there. It’s been three months. At first he was pissed. He’s old enough to go on hunts with his dad. He’s been on plenty, while Sam was safely hidden away in a motel.

“You gotta watch over Sammy,” John said, like he always does when Dean asks to go.

It felt like a shitty excuse at the time, but now he can’t imagine being away from his little brother this long, and while he’ll never admit it, he’s glad he left them with Bobby.

For the first time, Dean actually knows the names of the other kids in his class. He has decent grades, and he’s even considering trying out for the baseball team.

Sammy seems happy too. Dean has seen the poor kid get ripped away from school after school, trying to keep his sobs quiet in the backseat as their dad drove away from yet another town. He hates himself for thinking of it, but when he sees how settled Sam is at Bobby’s, he hopes their dad doesn’t come back.

And maybe he’s happy too, and he tries not to feel guilty, but it’s not like his dad will ever know. Whenever he shows up for them, Dean will follow with a “yes, sir,” like he always does.

Until then, he just lets himself be a normal seventeen year old for once. He even found a group of friends and everything, a few guys from his gym class. There’s Matt, Jordan, and Aaron with the too blue eyes, or at least that’s what he calls him in his head. As if he’d ever have the nerve to call him that aloud.

Thoughts about boys creep up on him like itch, dull at first but the more he ignores it the more insistent it becomes. When he first noticed these…feelings, he told himself, “It’s a celebrity crush, it’s fine. Everyone gets those.” But then it grew into, “It’s just some stranger in a diner, it’s fine. You’ll never see him again,” and now it’s, “It’s just your good looking friend, it’s fine.”

It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.

His dad doesn’t want a whole lot from him. He wants him to protect Sam and be a good hunter, but Dean sure as hell knows what he doesn’t want for him, and that’s being with another guy like that, especially when he’s still attracted to girls. He’s seen the way his dad looks at gay guys, heard the comments he makes under his breath, and there’s no way that’s the kind of life he wants for his sons.

So, every time Aaron gives him the kind of smile that makes his chest warm or he finds himself staring too long, he reminds himself of all the reasons why this can’t be a thing. And just because Dean is thinking things he shouldn’t be, doesn’t mean Aaron is too.

The screams from the crowd sound like a dull roar in his ears when Aaron’s pinky brushes against his, and he holds his breath as he slowly tangles them together, until they’re practically holding pinkies.

He should rip his hand away, he even stiffens as he prepares himself to, but then his shoulders sag as he leans further into the touch. He doesn’t want to pull away. His eyes burn as he stares fixedly at the screen with how badly he doesn’t want to pull away.

They toss their popcorn in the trash and talk about the movie as they head out of the theater. Matt and Jordan give them a quick pat on the shoulders before heading off, and before Dean can go searching for Bobby’s truck in the parking lot, Aaron grabs his elbow to keep him from leaving.

“Dean?” His blue eyes flicker from Dean’s face to the ground nervously, “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime. Like without Matt and Jordan.”

Dean feels his throat close as he struggles to get air in his lungs, worried that his popcorn might come back up. He doesn’t know why he’s acting like this. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out just the two of them, but from the way Aaron’s blushing he has a feeling it’s more than that.

“You mean like…” He trails off, unsure if he can even say it, but Aaron beats him to it.

“Like a date, yeah. I don’t know if you–if you’re–well, I thought I’d try, at least,” He gives a nervous look as he braves meeting Dean’s gaze.

Despite all his promises to himself that he wouldn’t ever acknowledge this thing that follows him around, he starts entertaining the idea of letting himself have this. His dad is on the other side of the country, he’ll never find out. Nobody has to know if they keep it to themselves. He can just try it this once to get it out of his system and then stick to girls.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean chokes out before he even fully gives himself permission to, and he knows he needs to leave now before he chickens out, “I gotta go. Uh–I’ll call you.” Aaron lets out a huge, relieved breath before giving Dean one of those grins that make his insides squirm with delight, and he smiles back, giving him a playful wink before walking away.

He spends the drive back to Bobby’s going between panic and excitement, planning out potential date ideas but also rehearsing ways to turn Aaron down. As he pulls into the Salvage yard and sees the Impala, he realizes it’s all for nothing and feels strangely numb. It’s time for the next hunt, and he knows with absolute certainty that he’ll never see Aaron again. It’s for the best, he tells himself.

Who was he fucking kidding anyway?

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is twenty-one and drunk on the beach. His vision is a little fuzzy, and when he looks up at the sheer amount of stars in the pitch black sky, he feels dizzy, causing him to stumble into the body beside him.

“Watch it, brother. You don’t wanna eat sand,” A husky voice laughs as he grips Dean’s shoulders with strong hands to steady him.

Lee can’t fill the hole that Sam left when he went off to Stanford, but having him around helps him feel a little less like he’s suffocating. John swung by Texhoma in hopes to recruit his old buddy for a hunt, but got his son instead. Dean and John were glad for the turn of events for different reasons. His dad admired how strong of a fighter Lee was, his training precise enough for John’s Marine standards.

After he caught them wasted in a middle of a hunt, they started being more discreet about it, so while John was dead asleep in his motel room, the two of them snuck off to a bar and then stumbled their way to the closest beach.

In his drunken state, he forgets what they were talking about, or if they were even talking at all, and all those walls he’s been building around himself for the past decade feel flimsy, like the slightest nudge will knock them all down.

Dean’s gaze flickers wildly over his face before landing on a piece of hair that fell over his eyes. “You have sand in your hair,” He drunkenly giggles and lifts a hand to pull the sand out before tucking the errant hair behind Lee’s ear. Instead of dropping his hand like he planned to, he cups his friends cheek instead, his thumb absently brushing over his soft skin.

“Dean,” Lee breathes, low and rough, and it sends a tingle down his spine.

“Hey,” He answers, because it feels like the right the thing to say in the moment, or maybe he just doesn’t know what the hell to say when they’re standing this close and he wants nothing more than to just close the remaining distance, give into this want that’s been burning in his chest for years.

He hears a desperate noise over the sound of the waves, and he thinks it might’ve come for him, but he doesn’t care. He can beat himself up for that later, but for now, he sighs against Lee’s lips and deepens the kiss, letting himself have this.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

It all crashes and burns when a case in Arizona goes horribly, horribly wrong, and Lee can’t just move past it. He quits hunting and leaves Dean to go back home, giving him one last lingering kiss before he drives away.

With hardly anything more than a dismissive grunt, John leaves shortly after, deciding Dean is finally old enough to hunt on his own, and that they’ll cover more ground to find whatever killed mom if they split up. The fact that his dad trusts him to do this on his own should be enough to fill him with pride, but it feels more like punishment, and for the first time in his life, he’s completely alone.

A week after Lee and his dad left, he’s sitting in the parked Impala, dialing Sam’s number.

“Heya, Sammy,” He greets his brother, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant and cheerful as possible.

They talk about Sam’s homework and friends, and Dean tells him about some interesting hunts, leaving out the most recent one. He doesn’t tell him about dad leaving, but Lee is on the tip of his tongue. Part of him wants to tell Sam–to get this weight off his shoulders, for one more person to know, so it doesn’t feel like some big fever dream.

“Sam,” He starts, his tone suddenly serious. “I’m…” He stops. He’s what? He’s not gay, but he obviously ain’t straight either. But who says he has to label himself right this second though? He can just tell him about Lee. “I…” He tries again, but the words just don’t come.

That time he agreed to go on a date with Aaron, he told himself it’d be a one time thing to get it out of his system, and while this wasn’t Aaron, that’s what Lee can be. A one time thing. Something that Sam doesn’t need to know about.

“I gotta go. Take care of yourself, okay?”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is thirty and fucking grateful for it. It’s 2009, and not 2014. He still has time to fix this. When he whips around and sees Cas standing there on the empty street, there’s a look on his face that Dean can only describe as tenderness, and that makes him believe he really can fix this.

“That’s pretty nice timing, Cas,” Dean breathes shakily, overwhelmed by the sheer relief that this Cas is his Cas, not the version he left in 2014.

“We had an appointment,” Cas replies, and there’s so much warmth in his gravely voice that Dean wants to chase it and hold it close to his chest.

He feels his face do something that’s probably too open and too fond, but he doesn’t do anything to mask it. Instead, he firmly rests a hand on the angel’s shoulder and looks him straight in the eye before saying, “Don’t ever change.”

This isn’t the first time Dean felt something after prolonged eye contact with the guy, far from it, but it’s usually a shock of heat or desire–this is something else entirely. He just wants to find more ways to earn looks like this, which seems impossible with the apocalypse around the corner, but he wants to try.

It’s been nearly a decade since he told himself he wouldn’t let himself act on feelings for another man, but shit has changed. His dad is dead, and that’s not enough to erase the shame that still washes over him any time he accidentally checks out another dude, but John Winchester is not an excuse anymore.

The world is ending, isn’t this the best time to say fuck it and try?

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is thirty-two, and he’s very naked, and very sticky. He curses himself under his breath for not taking the time to clean up before passing out, but he must’ve worn himself out.

For a second he forgets where he is or who he was with the night before, but when he cracks an eye open, he sees peeling yellow wallpaper from the ugly ass motel room he’s been staying in. He blindly reaches a hand out behind him and makes contact with an equally naked and sticky body.

“Hey, watch the hand,” A very familiar voice laughs from behind him, causing Dean to whip around in surprise, wincing at the soreness that follows.

“Garth?” He asks wearily.

“Yeah, who else? We didn’t even drink last night, don’t pull the forgotten one night stand act with me, Dean Winchester,” Garth chastises him gently, propping himself up on his elbow as he smiles down at him.

Dean blinks a few times to try and wake himself up, and when he’s feeling a little less disoriented, the night before comes back to him–and, oh yeah, he remembers it. Who would’ve thought a little guy like Garth could be such a firecracker in bed? Maybe, he somehow sensed that about him, and that’s why he was so eager to find out.

In the short time he’s known Garth, he wouldn’t say he’s had many dirty thoughts about him. He didn’t have many thoughts about anyone these days, not since Cas…Dean quickly ends that train of thought there. The nightmares are enough.

The thing with Garth just kind of happened, between the goodbye hugs, and the comments about how good he smells, the little smiles he keeps sending Dean’s way, he figured why the hell not?

He wasn’t disappointed with his choice either. Garth was surprisingly strong and confident, which are all things Dean likes in his partners. He just wouldn’t usually go for someone he sees so often–makes things awkward.

“I remember,” He gives a quiet laugh before clearing his throat awkwardly, looking from Garth’s bare chest to the sheets. “Look, Garth, I–uh–I’m not really looking for a relationship or anything,” He begins, and it feels so overused and rehearsed.

He hates having this talk, which is why he usually sticks to waitresses or women, and the occasional man that he won’t ever see again. He doesn’t want to shoot Garth down, but after Cas–he just thought things would be different by now. He thought they would be different now, but that hope died when he pulled Cas’s soaking trench coat out of the water.

He doesn’t know what he kind of response he expects, but it’s definitely not for him to throw his head back with a loud laugh. “Oh, Dean, I should’ve known you’d be this funny the morning after. Look at you, trying to give me the it’s not you, it’s me talk. We’re fine, buddy. Just two guys looking for a night of fun,” He shakes his head and gives Dean’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Resting a hand on the hunter’s naked hip, he leans in until their noses brush, “In that case, round two?” He asks, his voice practically a quiet purr.

“Round two,” Garth agrees before pulling him in for a heated kiss.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

He’s forty-one and the world is still turning. Chuck is gone, Jack and Eileen are back, Cas is human, Sam is okay, and everything should be fine. But it turns out that peace on earth doesn’t erase decades worth of repression and trauma.

Usually, they talk about Hell or Michael, but somehow the subject shifted to his history with men today, starting with him telling her about the ring he got Cas for Christmas. The one he almost didn’t give him–the ring that isn’t an engagement ring despite the looks Sam keeps giving him, but hopefully isn’t just a friendship ring either.

“And how do you feel now? With Castiel? Do you still feel ashamed of your feelings or sexuality?” She asks calmly as she looks up at him over her notebook.

Dean grimaces at that word–sexuality. He’s had so many years to accept the fact that he isn’t straight, that he likes men too, that he more than likes a particular man specifically.

Still, he can’t get himself to say the actual word, not even in his own head. His old man has been dead for thirteen years, and it still feels like he’s looming over his shoulder whenever he even considers it.

Sometimes, he wishes he told him when he accidentally wished him back into existence, but he’s glad he didn’t. Of all the people who deserve to hear it first, it’s not his dad. The fact that he even thinks that, tells him these sessions are doing something.

“Sometimes…yeah,” Dean mutters and nervously licks his lower lip, “I know my family won’t care. Hell, they probably already know, but I don’t know. I just can’t shake it, I guess.”

“Not with an official statement, at least. You should do what you’re comfortable with. Like, next time you watch Star Wars, instead of keeping all those thoughts about Harrison Ford to yourself, say them aloud.”

Dean merely raises a brow in response, he’s pretty sure nobody wants to hear what he has to say about Harrison Ford. He’s come up with way too many jerking off fantasies to that guy. Most of his thoughts are something along the lines of, “I’d sell my soul to fuck Harrison Ford.”

Charlotte seems to catch on quick and lets out an amused snort, “The safe for work version.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure there is a safe for work version,” Dean points out and waggles his brows suggestively before dropping the act and sagging a little in his seat, his face going blank in thought.

“I know that uh–that being bisexual is okay,” He stammers out and rubs the back of his neck as it prickles with nerves, “Which is what I am, I mean, bisexual. I’m just trying to believe that it is.”

It’s the first time he actually said it, and it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as he thought it would be. He still feels sick with anxiety, and like he wants to drink an entire bottle of whiskey when he gets home, but the fact that he did it at all lifts a huge weight from his shoulders.

Charlotte gives him an impressed nod and jots down a few notes, “Well, that’s a good start.”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

The new human spends a lot of time in the same spot these days. Shrugging on a coat, he brings his glass outside and walks to the little area Cas so carefully turned into his garden.

After everything they’ve been through, after losing him so many times, Dean can’t believe he’s really here. It’s not perfect, Cas is struggling with his new humanity, and the distance between them hasn’t been fixed, but it’s still good.

And Dean loves him.

“I’m in love with Cas,” He mentally tells himself, another thing that he’s known for ages but has been too damn scared to actually put into words. It’s just as nerve-wracking as his confession to Charlotte earlier, but it still brings him peace.

He doesn’t know when he’ll tell Cas, or if he ever will, but right now he’s okay just telling himself. He’s okay just standing here and watching him garden. It’s more than he thought he’d ever have.

#destiel #destiel fic #dean winchester #spn #supernatural #dean is bi #mine

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riverdale-retread · 3 years

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Riverdale - S2 E18

- The Carrie Musical Episode, oh no, oh help. I don’t think that there’s anything necessarily bad or wrong about the way Riverdale does musicals. I just hate musicals in general, and these newfangled musicals (Carrie, for one) often have hideous songs. All that said, this episode had much less sung-through and they limit most of the singing to on-stage and justify it with ‘this is rehearsal,’ which I am grateful for.

- I’ve been trucking on through this series at a clip and I ... really could not tell you why Betty is so pissy with Veronica right now, in this episode. She disrupts musical rehearsals and picks fights with V and say critical things about V while her boyfriend follows her around taking shakycam footage of all this.

- And once. again. Betty doesn’t. say. that she’s. sorry. Veronica ends up interrupting what should be a Betty I’m Sorry and says affirmatively that Betty is right. So Instead of apologizing, Betty sings a song to Veronica saying the simple truth (that Veronica shines) and then that ends the dispute.

- Betty calling Veronica “privileged selfish, spiteful.’ KETTLE POT. Also Archie tries to make the musical about “we are here for Kevin” but you see, Archie, Betty is a disrespectful, lowkey-homophobic non-friend to Kevin, so she doesn’t care about that all. She just skips over that part.

- Archie approaching Betty with ‘It’s weird we’re playing boyfriend and girlfriend’ while Jughead is standing right there with a camera, and it really makes me wonder why Kevin lets him do this. Does he think Jughead will do anything other than follow just Betty around with the thing?

- Betty and Jughead trying to railroad Ethel was shitty and bullying.

- Penelope Blossom coming in to the high school to tell her daughter that she would not be permitted to act out a matricidal fantasy was showstopping. A wonderfully crafted speech, well delivered. And Cheryl, in costume as Carrie, pouring a bucket of blood or paint or whatever it is, to terrorize her mother into emancipating her and moving out of the house, equally wonderful.

- Fangs, the musical theater loving Serpent and eternal beta, being the cutest, being so into the musical, and now that I’m keeping an eye out for it, the constant touching of Kevin, drinking his tea, sitting just so, and reacting so perfectly to the musical key moments I loved this.

- Alice having a nervous breakdown on the stage, with Don’t Leave Me Betty, because FP doesn’t want to jump right into a relationship with her. She pretends that this is about Betty, but it’s all to do with FP saying No Thanks. Um. Run Jughead Run, RUN.

- Along with the real estate theme being the real plot of Riverdale, the secondary plot is that children are a disaster upon their parents.

Fred Andrews’ fatherhood is inexplicably a failure. Fred is actually shown to be a loyal selfless person who has a lot of potential, into middle age, of being a hero and a force for good. He thinks his son Archie is all of these things, and because of the power of Fred’s goodness, other people who have no reason to think this (like Kevin and Veronica) also believe this of Archie, but Valerie always saw it correctly. Archie can be bought. Jughead sees this too, when he’s not in the sway of Protagonist Boy powers - Archie is stupid. And I keep getting disturbed by how violent Archie is. The desperate love that Fred has for his son breaks my heart (Luke Perry was such a gem of an actor). Archie sides with Hiram in front of everyone, Archie accepts a bribe car and lies about it to Fred and then tells him to not be so dramatic and to calm down about it, Archie fails to attend the mayoral speech that even Mary, who is *divorcing* Fred knows is important to attend, and it’s all supposed to be fine now because Archie bought a jalopy to fix up with his dad. Fred Andrews is the victim of an abusive relationship with his son, poor thing.

Alice Cooper’s motherhood is a disaster, and each of her children visit horrendous torture upon her. Polly almost drowns her in the fountain later, Betty brings Chic and then the Black Hood back into her life and also confronts her with the fact that while Betty can obtain the slavish devotion of a Jones Man (a thing Alice holds as a fetish object) Alice herself cannot. Charles is also a disaster person.

Sort of like how I grimly enjoy the fact that anyone who has a fancy wedding in a Shonda Rhimes show will end up in a terrible heartbreak very soon, I kind of like how parenthood is a such a source of danger, menace and pain to people in Riverdale.

#riverdale #too many thoughts about riverdale #jughead jones #betty cooper #veronica lodge #alice cooper #fp jones #fangs fogarty #archie andrews #riverdale musical episode #fred andrews #spoilers #riverdale recap #riverdale episode recap

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casseythebee · 4 years

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Coming Out

Bingo Spot: Coming Out

Summary: You have been wanting to come out to Peter for some time and you and MJ finally found the best way to do it.

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Words: 1k-ish

Warning: none

“Come on you know you want to!” MJ says poking you in the ribs.

“I just don’t know how he’s going to react! What if he is disgusted by me and wants to break up?”

You and MJ have been hanging out all weekend. Sleepovers and trips to the movie theaters have been a personal favorite for the two of you, but now you are sitting in your bed braiding her hair.

She has been trying to get you to come out as bisexual to Peter ever since you told her. It kind of just came out of you.

“I have known Peter for a long time, that kid is anything but homophobic.” Noticing how you still look a bit nervous she adds, “We can do it in a fun way too! Let’s look it up.”

You grab your computer and open it up in front of the two of you. MJ look up ways to come out and cliques on a Buzzfeed website. There are many different ways they suggest, in a handwritten note, a typed note, on social media, in a skit like Ellen (that is anything but helpful), and your personal favorite on a cake.

“We could definitely do that one!” she chirps standing up and pulling on her shoes. “We just have to figure out the specifics. How are we going to show him the cake?”

“We can ask him to come over for dinner tonight. I told him that we are hanging out this weekend so he knows we are together. Plus my parents have a dinner with my dad’s boss tonight so they will be out too.”

Next thing you know you are driving to the grocery store together with the windows down, wind whipping your hair around, and blasting some gay pride playlist you found. Girl in Red blares through MJ’s car’s speakers and the two of you are singing along at the top of your lungs.

When she pulls into a spot she opens her phone and starts typing something. “Alright let’s make a list of what we need to pick up.”

“Definitely Funfetti cake mix,” you say matter of factly. “And rainbow sprinkles.”

She looks up at you with a huge smile on her face. “You know what we should get. We should get food dye and dye the frosting different colors so we can make it a rainbow!”

“Oh no even better! The bi flag!” you gush.

The two of you finish the list and head inside. You guys run to the baking aisle and piled everything into a basket. You buy a Funfetti cake mix, a tin of frosting, a new box of food dye, rainbow sprinkles, and a black marker meant for food.

On your way back you say to her, “Alright I just texted Peter asking him to come over for dinner, we should probably order pizza to come when he does.”

“That makes sense but we should be quick with this we don’t have a lot of time for decorating.”

You two have fun dying the frosting and flicking the extra cake batter at each other. You end up making a mess that takes you a solid twenty minutes to clean up because she won’t stop spraying you with water.

“Now I have to change!” you yell in a teasing way.

“Even better!” she laughs. “Listen I was thinking you should do this on your own. And I know that face we will get you dressed up in a cute little outfit and it will be amazing.”

MJ grabs your hand and pulls you to your bedroom where she sits you down on your bed. “I think we should leave your hair and makeup more natural,” she explains. “Let’s just do a bit of blush and stuff.”

When she finishes you look in the mirror and inspect her handy work. A small amount of blush dusts your cheeks and your eyes pop with the mascara. Your hair has been left alone to frame your face and fall down your shoulders.

“What about my lips? Grab my vanilla lip gloss.”

She tosses it to you and goes to your closet. “Now keep those jeans on but throw on this sweater.”

A maroon sweater gets chucked at your face and you slip it on being careful not to mess up your makeup. You stand up for one last inspection.

“Perfect,” she says with a nod. “I’m going to go because he should be here any minute. Have fun and don’t chicken out.” she sweeps a kiss against your cheek and leaves.

That is when you really start to get nervous.

What if he is disgusted?

What if he hates you afterward?

What if he breaks up with you?

What if he asks for a threesome? Gross.

Okay, calm down (Y/N). He is not a homophobic perve, it will be okay.

You jump when you hear the doorbell. When you open the door you see that it is just the pizza man.

“Pizza time,” he grins.

“Here you go.” You hand him the cash and take the pizza and fries (Peter’s favorite). You call after him, “Thank you, and have a nice day!”

You start to close the door but Peter’s hand darts through. “Hey (Y/N),” he kisses your forehead, “ooo did you get fries? Thanks, love.”

You scrunch up your face and yell at his back, “Peter I’m gay!”

Peter turns around a shocked look on his face. “W-what?”

You stand there with both of your hands covering your face in embarrassment. You didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. It’s not even true you aren’t gay. You still like men, especially Peter.

You feel his hands encircle your wrists and he pulls your hand from your face. “You don’t have to be embarrassed, I understand. Women are beautiful and any woman who gets to call you their girlfriend is a lucky person.”

“No Peter I meant to say I’m bi! I was just so nervous that you would be mad that it kind of came out of me! I even made a cake that says it. This wasn’t how I planned it!” you babble.

“How could I be mad at you?” He chuckles. “You are the most beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny, selfless, girl I have ever met. I will love you until the end of time.”

“I love you too,” you say bashfully.

“Now what is that cake you are talking about?”

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel fluff #marvel fic #Marvel MCU #mcu #mcu spiderman #fluff #fluff bingo #FLUFF FANFIC #COMING OUT

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i-love-raccoons · 3 years

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LET'S TALK... (no2)

So the exams were fun. It was one of the hardest months of my uni experience so far but everything worked out well, I passed every subject with a very good grade, which was really surprising. Anyways there is sth I have to get of my chest because I think I'm gonna explode.

So currently in Greece the (Greek) me too movement is always a topic that the news love to talk about. Don't get me wrong. It is a very important issue. Criminals that have scared people (mostly women) with their behavior are enjoying their freedom without any consequences at all.

Last Thursday, I believe, a new scandal emerged. The art director of the national Greek theater was accused of raping minors. Specifically two of his victims sued him. One event happened in 2010 and the other in 2015. Furthermore more people accused the same person with the same accusations without making any legal moves. It's important to point out that he was appointed by previous governments and that he was reappointed by the current government. The minister responsible for his appointment primarily rejected all the claims, arguing that he is a renowned director with many credits. Later when legal suits emerged the minister said and I quote, "the accused is an excellent actor with outstanding deceiving capabilities". The minister is refusing to resign from her position, ignoring the publics will. Tomorrow the accused will be released because of lack of evidence.

Now here comes the juicy part. Because the accused was in charge of the national Greek theater, many nongovernmental organizations that help the rehabilitation of refugee children in the Greek society, held student trips there. Many of the accusers are refugees or let me rephrase where at the time of the events refugee children (most of them if not all, male). The man is sick, he is a pervert who was and maybe still is raping children and he is going to be released.

It's not the first time that Justice was not administered. But the accused paid for the best lawyer in Greece and what the lawyer did is disgusting. In order to reestablish the good public image of the accused he blamed the victims and tried to blemish their image saying and I quote that they were "professional homosexuals".

I'm outraged. He is using people's homophobia against the victims. In my environment I see a lot of members of the lgbtq community making fun of the term "professional homosexuals". Yes it is very funny and I laughed at some of the jokes as well. But today I realized the depth of such an accusation. I was speaking to my father and he sadly is not a supporter. I don't blame him he is a good man, a good father, a loving husband to my mother and a great human being in general but he is kinda old. He is also from a village, a small community where that kind of ideas are not really welcome. Thankfully my father is minding his own business and does not bother anyone. But today he said that the lawyer is kinda right because how could someone believe a professional homosexual. I got really sad. Imagine the damage that the Greek lgbtq community is taking at this very moment, when millions of people hear someone say that homosexuality is a profession, and that a gay person refuses every other job just to "hang out in bars and make love to any rich man that comes their way".

Most of the the Greek population gets a pure education. Even in big cities the educational level is pretty low, which results in the re-emergence of homophobic and racist philosophies. That and many other facts worsen the situation for many of us. I'm a gay man that has to leave with his homophobic parents and I have to hear them nagging all day because some stupid lawyer decided to use a random term.

I mean, I'm OK but my psychology hasn't been really good because of my exams and covid and this really does not help. I truly hate that lawyer, he could just get his client released and also "prove" his innocence but instead he chose to discriminate against homosexuality and make the situation so much worse for everyone, all in the name of money and wealth. I'm disgusted, I'm scared, I'm furious, I'm nervous and I'm really really sad. It's my dream to find a respectable man to fall in love with and have a family in the future, maybe adopt a child and some cats. But I realize that the day when homosexuals are accepted in the Greek society is very far away.

#lgbt #racisim #greece #news #crimes #problems #love

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zambie-trashart · 4 years

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No Reason Not To Try

Phanfics masterlist

Originally posted on ao3 split in six parts plus full song written by me.

Summary: Alex just wants to live his life, he just wants to be himself without anyone judging, he wants to have a nice date, he wants to stay with his friends, he wants everything to settle, he wants to stop running away, he wants his friends to stop asking him questions, he just wants a hug, is that too much to ask for? Alternate Title: Five Times Alex Needed A Hug and The One Time He Got One

One: Alex Comes Out To His Parents

Luke, Reggie, Alex, and Bobby sat at their desks watching the clock waiting for class to be over and when the bell rang, they jumped up and ran out of the classroom.

“I have to go grab my drum sticks. I'll meet you guys there,” Alex said and Luke looked at him knowingly. Alex had come out to them a few months ago and he told Luke that he was planning on telling his parents. Alex stopped in front of his house feeling his heart hammer against his chest at an unfamiliar beat. He opened the door hoping that his parents weren’t home. His father sat on the couch with his mother running around the kitchen taking something out of the oven.

“Alex darling, could you help me with something really quickly?” Alex’s mother asked and Alex closed his eyes breathing in trying to calm himself before nodding and making his way into the kitchen.

“Something’s wrong isn’t it, what’s the matter precious?” Alex choked back the lump in his throat.

“I-I’m gay,” Alex said just low enough for his mother to hear and she gasped eyes wide.

“Don’t even joke about such a thing!” She yelled smacking her son upside the head.

“I’m not,” Alex said, tears welling up in his eyes and he ran to his room hearing his mother tell his father who came running after him. Alex was off his feet being carried to the couch he kicked screaming.

“You are no son of mine! Apologise to us!” His father yelled squeezing his arm so tight that Alex couldn’t feel his arm anymore.

“I can’t!” Alex yelled back and his father slapped him.

“Don’t yell at me boy!” He yelled, shoving Alex across the room into a glass table, glass shards embedded themselves in his arms and legs as he got up to run back to his room and out through his window. “Come back here boy! We’re not done!” Alex had a bag packed for this exact moment and ran down the street wiping tears from his eyes as he ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He stopped in front of the studio sniffling one last time and checking his reflection in the glass to make sure his eyes weren’t red anymore. He kneeled in front of the door taking off his gold chain with a cross on it pulling the cross off throwing it as far as he could breathing heavily and the door swung open.

“Alex?” Luke asked and Alex just nodded walking in.

“I’m fine,” Alex said, holding himself and putting his bag down grabbing his sticks from the side pocket.

“Are you sure? You seem a little frazzled man,” Reggie asked and Bobby agreed, walking closer to him. Alex pulled his sleeve down hiding the blood from the glass.

“Can we just play?” Alex asked a little upset and Luke gave Reggie and Bobby the look of we’ll get back to it later.

Later was nine pm on that Tuesday night when Alex should have been going home but he stayed in the studio with Luke picking glass out of dried bloody cuts in the small bathroom. He snuck up into the loft falling asleep easily but tossing and turning through the night. He was woken up by Luke that morning.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” Luke asked and Alex shook his head bangs falling down into his eyes.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Alex said, because admitting that his parents hit him and hate him made it real and this was something that his parents would get over.

“I know you better than that man, something is wrong and I need you to tell me,” Luke grabbed Alex’s shoulders shaking him.

“I told you, it’s nothing,” Alex grabbed some clothes changing and grabbing his school bag storming out of the studio where Reggie and Bobby were waiting for him.

“Luke thought that you might try to get out of this conversation so he called us this morning,” Reggie explained but Alex sidestepped walking away from them running when he saw them walk after him. Alex stopped in front of the school breathing heavily.

“It’s just another day,” Alex told himself, wiping his eyes walking through the door letting himself be carried by denial. “Everything is fine.” He closed his eyes and breathed in walking to his first class sitting there staring off into space. It’s always going to be another day, another hit, another homophobe, another concerned friend, another “I’m fine” and Alex was realizing that but nothing ends that easily.

Two: Alex Goes On a Bad Date

Alex sat across from a guy from an opposing school. He had met him at a basketball game, he was so confident and it made Alex a little nervous at first but he was pretty sure that things were going to go well after the guy asked him out. Alex’s hand was shaking as he dragged Alex to a movie theater choosing a spot in the back.

“I didn’t know what you wanted to watch so I sort of just picked an action movie,” Cameron said smiling nervously over at Alex and Alex just shrugged.

“That’s fine I’m fine with anything as long as it’s not horror,” Alex said laughing a little and Cameron yawned putting his arm around Alex’s shoulders urging Alex to lean into him. Alex exhaled deeply before placing his head on Cameron’s shoulder hugging his knees up to his chest.

The movie started and Cameron started getting closer and Alex looked around at other couples around the theater who were making out vigorously. Alex gulped sneaking a glance at Cameron who’s hand moved to the back of his neck, his hand was cold and pushing him to look up at him. Alex looked around again and Cameron’s hand got tighter around his neck pushing harder. Alex stood up and walked out of the theater hearing footsteps behind him, Alex started running faster only to get pulled back by his jacket once he got outside of the theater being pushed into the wall.

“If you wanted to take it outside all you had to do was say so,” Cameron said smirking at Alex who was struggling to get past him. Alex tried to push him but Cameron pushed back grabbing Alex’s right wrist pinning it to the wall. “Come on, you didn’t seem like the feisty type when I asked you out,” Cameron said grabbing Alex’s chin with his other hand raising his head to meet Cameron’s. Alex tried to push his head back to the wall as far as possible. Cameron pressed his lips firmly to Alex’s pressing a knee in between his legs keeping him there as his hand trailed slowly down Alex’s body stopping at the small of his back. Alex kept his head against the wall trying not to cry, if he cried then Cameron would try to shut him up even more. Cameron had already “wasted” money on him and Alex didn’t want to test his patience.

Alex took a deep breath through his nose before pressing his lips back against Cameron’s feeling him smile into the kiss. Cameron pulled on the back of Alex’s hair disconnecting their lips before attacking his neck with rough kisses. Alex didn’t expect that his first date or even first kiss were going to go anything like this, would everyone do this to him? Could he trust anyone to go on a date with him? He thought he liked Cameron but when he bit down hard enough to bruise, Alex pushed him off successfully.

“I thought we were having fun,” Cameron said moving back in but Alex just shook his head.

“You’re having fun, I never asked for any of this. You asked me to go see a movie with you, I thought that just meant go and hold hands in a dark theater not make out in front of a movie theater,” Alex rambled breathing heavily after and Cameron lifted his face up with a finger.

“My dear Alex, you have so much to learn,” Cameron said pressing one last kiss to his lips and a bite to the neck before walking off. “Come back to me when you learn how a date is supposed to go hot stuff. You have so much potential!” Cameron yelled over his shoulder and Reggie picked that moment to walk around the corner and shrug at a disheveled Alex.

“Have fun?” Reggie asked taking in the hickey the size of a small continent forming on his neck.

“Sure,” Alex said feeling tears coming back to the surface. Reggie looked Alex over again noticing the way his body was starting to quiver.

“Are you sure you had fun?” Reggie asked and Alex put on a smile and nodded.

“Could you give me a ride to the studio, I want to write something down,” Alex said and Reggie nodded and the two made their way there and Alex pulled out a sheet of paper scribbling some lyrics down. I was alone, and I was cold, you left me with no hand to hold. I was a dreamer and I was meek you just wanted to see me weak. You can break me and make me a soul survivor, I will be on the front lines in the fire. You would stomp on me and push me to the ground only in this dark road is where I feel found. If you want me you have to let me go only on these highways is where I grow.

Alex smiled slightly at the words feeling his heart on the page before shoving it under his pillow and falling asleep feeling a tear roll down his face. It’s always going to be another day, another boy who doesn’t take no for an answer, another kiss without consent, another concerned friend, another “I’m fine” Alex sighed wiping the tear away falling asleep.

Three: Alex Gets Kidnapped But Makes a New Friend

2020 was a hysterical year, coming back from the dead, Nick turning out to be Caleb in disguise, Caleb taking Alex back to his club and holding him for a ransom and hell it’s only the beginning of October. Caleb walked in the room humming looking over Alex who groaned hitting his head back against the wall for the seventh time that minute. Caleb walked over to Alex ripping the tape off his mouth.

“Do you have a problem boy!” Caleb yelled and Alex nodded.

“You know you could write another song beside Other Side of Hollywood right cause I don’t want to listen to that one song for the rest of eternity,” Alex said and Caleb rolled his eyes gesturing for Willie to come in the room. Alex hadn’t seen Willie since before he was supposed to complete his unfinished business. Willie ran over to Alex holding his face before being thrown over to the other side of the room.

“All you have to do is agree to convince your friends to join the club and you can be free Alex, do we have a deal?” Caleb asked and Willie groaned getting up.

“Did you ever think that there was a reason why a band of young teens don’t want to work for an old ghost man like you?” Alex asked, tilting his head.

“No,” Caleb said, starting to think about it.

“It’s cause you’re the bad guy, you take but you never give back and that really pisses me off,” Alex said and all of a sudden he was out of his chains. Willie got up and ran over to Alex taking his hand leading him out of the club. Alex poofed away from him and onto a rooftop already feeling tears spilling out of his eyes. He took out a piece of paper that had been in his pocket since the day he died. Bold lyrics stood out and the word Highways on the top of the page shouted at him to keep writing. He hummed a tune for the chorus before putting everything that he felt on the page.

“Take my hand as we walk across the way I hold on forever every rainy day. I was the slave and you were strong together, bound was where we belonged. I won’t give up at the ends of the road. You hurt me with words ready to reload,” Alex sang and a door flew open and a girl in slippers and a pink robe walked over to him.

“Hello?” she called out.

“Can I just have a minute before you try and kill me?” Alex asked looking out over the view.

“Why would I try and kill you, you haven’t done anything wrong?” she asked and Alex twisted around seeing Carrie looking down on him offering her hands to help him up. “I saw you poof up on the roof and figured that you could use a hand,” Carrie said smiling slightly.

“I-I’m just confused, the guy that I like works for the bad guy and tries to help me then all of a sudden he’s with the bad guy again, why is everything so complicated!” Alex yelled frustrated and Carrie just put a hand on his shoulder.

“Come inside, it might help you calm down a little,” Carrie said leading the poor ghost boy inside. Alex put the paper down and Carrie looked at it reading through the words. “Wow, this is good,” Carrie said and Alex went to grab the paper but Carrie walked ahead pulling it in the opposite direction he was reaching. “It has so much emotion in it: I will travel my way down cracked and broken highways. You will be there at the end of the road just out of reach a sight to behold. You are the highway that I have to roam, you are the highway that I walk alone,” Carrie read, feeling tears spring in her eyes at the words.

“That was private,” Alex said grabbing the paper.

“You should sing it,” Carrie said and Alex just shook his head.

“I should get back home, I’m kind of tired,” Alex said and Carrie went to block him from getting up.

“Just a little then you can leave,” Carrie said and Alex sighed, sitting down and starting to tap a beat on his leg.

“I will never see you the same way again, I was wrong to think we could be together til the end. I still need you near even when you were so cold, you were something about me that felt safe to hold. Not anymore, I don’t need you anymore. If you wanted me gone you would have sent me away, now just waiting till the day I feel sane,” Alex sang and Trevor came down the stairs and Alex hid.

“What dad?” Carrie asked.

“It’s just, that voice sounded familiar and so did the song,” Trevor said and Carrie shrugged. Alex had poofed back home and to the couch where his friends were sitting.

“Hey, what the hell were you thinking, we were all scared that we would never see you again,” Luke said hitting Alex lightly on the arm.

“Yeah, I was scared too,” Alex said walking up to the loft.

“Get some sleep man, you’re gonna need it for tomorrow!” Luke yelled up and Reggie laughed when Alex flipped him off crashing on the bed.

“I have no idea how he always stays so strong,” Reggie whispered.

“He doesn’t want us to see him weak,” Luke said pulling Reggie out of the room to go bother Julie.

It’s always going to be another day, another crush you can’t talk to, another person who doesn’t get it, another song you’re scared to sing, another “I’m fine” Alex smiled at the thought of his new friend before falling asleep..

Four: Alex Visits His Family

Puffs of hot air pressed out clearing themselves into the cool winter air, breathing could be heard and fast paced steps approached a small house with a brown exterior and a blue lantern hanging outside the door. Alex stood in front of the door phasing through and looking at the kitchen with white countertops, he saw a woman looking at a picture laughing at it before placing the frame back down on top of the fireplace. A girl with brown hair came walking through the door patting her back.

“Alex?” his mother asked and the girl shook her head.

“Sorry mom,” she said and Alex realized that it was his older sister Sarah. She was in college when he came out and when he died. “You always think I’m Alex, he hasn’t come to visit in forever mom, why would Alex come to visit now?” Sarah asked and Alex realized the cold truth that his older sister didn’t even know he has been dead for the last twenty-five years.

“He’s too embarrassed that he never played the Orpheum, he doesn’t want to come back after he realized that he wasn’t actually gay and that he’s married with two little kids now named after his sweet parents who tired to tell him his dreams were worthless,” she said looking straight forward and his father came in.

“Hey honey, Alex just called today with an update that things are well with him and his wife, the baby should be around in two weeks, Jenefer is so excited,” Alex’s father said and Alex felt tears in his eyes. His father was lying to all of them, making his mother and sister think that he was still alive, making them think he was married to a woman, making them think he was having a kid. It was cruel not only to his memory but to his family.

Alex ran to his sister’s room thanking whatever God there was that she still had a whiteboard on her wall.

Sarah, whatever mom and dad say, don’t believe them. I’m not getting married to a girl named Jenefer. I came out as gay twenty-five years ago and mom and dad must still be in denial that they lost me to a tainted hot dog before playing at the Orphuem. I died Sarah, dad must have been the only one who knew but I will always be looking over you. Please just find a way to tell mom.

Love, Alex

Alex poofed out of the room hearing the door open looking at her read the note on her whiteboard sinking to the ground.

“Alex, are you here?” Sarah asked quietly and Alex picked up a pen waving it at her. “I hate them, I hate that they did this to you, why didn’t you call me, how old are you, how did you get here, I have so many questions!” Sarah yelled tears streaming down her face. Alex grabbed a piece of paper.

I ran away, I hate it too, I thought you were going to be busy with some guy, I’m still 17 it doesn’t feel like a day has past since 1995, a girl summoned us with our demo, I had so many questions at first but I met a guy who answered so many of them and I think I might like him. Alex wrote and Sarah smiled.

“I’m happy for you, could you give me a hug?” Sarah asked, wiping tears from her eyes. Alex just poofed out. “Alex?” she asked and Alex held himself in the corner of his old bedroom. He didn’t even want to try hugging Sarah cause he knew it wouldn’t work.

“I’m so sorry Sarah, I love you,” Alex said hand to the wall where she would be.

“Sarah come play with me!” Alex yelled and she walked over to her ten-year-old brother.

“Ok, I can’t play for long ‘Lex,” Sarah said and some of her friends ran over too picking the boy up and one of the boys who was Sarah’s boyfriend placed a black tattered hat on his head.

“Be good ‘Lex,” he said ruffling his hidden hair and walking off to his truck with a guitar in the back and rock music started blasting. His mom ran outside screaming after her.

“Sarah!” she yelled before collapsing crying. “She’s always with that boy! He took her away from us, he took my girl!” she cried and Alex ran in through the back door hiding the hat under a box in his closet. For two years he just took out the hat and prayed to God that Sarah would come back. He eventually gave up and met a kid named Reggie who hung out with one of his old friends Luke.

“You have long hair,” Reggie said, feeling the taller’s hair.

“Yeah, I haven’t gotten it cut since Sarah left, she always liked messing it up right before church,” Alex said smiling a little at the thought of his sister’s hand in his hair again.

“I heard about Sarah leaving with her rocker boyfriend, sorry about that,” Luke said, hugging Alex around his shoulders and Alex bit back tears.

“She’ll come back, she always does, God will lead her home,” Alex said, reciting what his parents said.

“Yeah, she’ll come back dude, you have nothing to worry about!” Luke said and a boy passed them in the hall looking Alex up and down before smiling over to his friends. The pre-teen felt his eyebrown furrow looking at the eight grader.

“What’s his problem?” Reggie asked and Alex just sank back in on himself before running to the bathroom. Luke just looked after his friend sighing.

“His problem was that he always tries to freak Alex out with gross perverted looks, he always used to make some sort of excuse to pick him up when we were kids when they were teasing us. Stay away from him you creep!” Luke yelled, pulling Reggie along to the bathroom where Alex was crying on the floor.

“Get up,” Luke said, holding his hand out and Reggie smiling down on him. Alex grabbed each of their hands getting up and enveloped in a hug. He felt safe and warm in a way that he hadn’t felt since his sister left.

“Reggie always does something when he feels down, we’ll have to teach it to you if you join our band practice this afternoon,” Luke said and Alex smiled nodding.

“I’ll be there.”

“Alex, please, I need you to give me a hug!” Sarah cried and Alex phased through the wall only to see his father comforting her. Alex tried to hug her but just went right through her like he knew he would. He missed seven years of hugs and now this.

“Everything is ok darling, he ran away just like you,” his father said and Sarah cried.

“No, I didn’t Sarah! Trust me not him! He’s just telling you this cause you ran away!” Alex had to think for a second. “Can you, can you hear me?” Alex sang and Sarah looked back but their father kept dragging her forward. “Gotta get, gotta get ready, cause it’s been years,” Alex sang following them to the kitchen where the sat down.

“You guys never told me that Alex died eating a hot dog on the night he was supposed to play the Orpheum, or that he’s gay mom, why didn’t you tell me! I would have loved him and supported him but you two, you’re just too greedy to let him express himself! I should have come back for him or taken him with me where at least he could have been free from you!” Sarah stormed out of the house and Alex stood behind her as she cried. Alex felt tears roll down his face too. Alex grabbed a notebook from her bag and a pen and she watched.

It’s always going to be another day, another parent who won’t listen to you, another pinch of regret, another I’m sorry you’re scared to say, “But you’re fine,” Sarah finished for him.

But I’m fine . He wrote standing next to his sister for what felt like hours before her husband showed up in the same pickup truck calling to her.

“I love you Alex,” she said and Alex just cried cause once again, he was losing his sister but this time for good. He poofed back to the studio falling alseep peacefully cause thoughts of his sister alway kept him up at night and now he know where she is, what's she's doing, and who she's with and if his parents didn't care, that was their choice and they made it a long time ago.

"This is the highway that I have to roam," Alex sang softly to himself. "This is the highway that I walk alone."

Five: Alex Comes Out To His Fans

Luke, Reggie, and Alex just poofed off stage smiling and tapping each other’s backs laughing. Julie ran back to them jumping in a circle.

“That was so good guys! We killed it!” Julie yelled and Flynn came bursting in squealing.

“Ok, that drum solo was fire, and the voices, just OMG, I have to post this video, everyone has to see it!” Flynn squealed tapping her phone and posting it there were instantly about 20,000 views.

“This is awesome!” Julie yelled watching the counter get higher. Comments were coming in about how cute the boys were.

“Seems like Alex is at the top this week for girls wanted to just eat him alive and then make a home with him,” Flynn said, reading off one of the comments word for word nose scrunching up and Alex shivered.

“Did it just get ten times colder in here or was it just me?” Alex asked and Luke laughed, throwing a hand over his shoulder.

“See through shirt wasn’t the best idea bud,” Luke said smiling as Alex crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’m going out,” Alex said, poofing out and to Carrie’s house.

“I thought the shirt was just a myth,” Carrie said sarcastically before smiling.

“Girls want to have my children,” Alex said, flopping on her couch.

“I know and some of my girls are included in that crowd. Are you going to come out or just let girls keep attacking you with comments about how toned your chest is and how your hair is just so perfect and how you look so mysterious when you smile need I go on?” Carrie asked, scrolling through her phone.

“No, I get the hint, I should probably come out and walk around more often,” Alex said and Carrie smiled, grabbing his hand pulling him up.

“Let’s go out,” Carrie said and Alex laughed with her walking down the street singing a Sunset Curve song the last the boys had played before they died.

“You’re music is good,” Carrie said laughing a little as they walked into the mall, Alex tried hard to make himself visible to others and when he did, girls ran over to him knocking him over. “Off, all of you have no chill!” Carrie yelled helping Alex up.

“You guys really shouldn’t get your hopes that far up,” Alex said nervously scratching the back of his head.

“You’re with that spoiled brat!” a girl yelled and girls started screaming trying to take Carrie apart with their words and some of them even grabbed her.

“No!” Alex yelled eyes closed hands balled into fists. “I like a guy, you shouldn’t get your hopes up cause I’m gay,” Alex breathed out and girls sighed before brightening up.

“They’re going to just love you even more, nothing is better than an unattainable boy,” Carrie said and Alex’s eyes widened and he ran away poofing when he turned a corner going back to the entrance of the mall where Carrie would be.

“This just made me the band’s mascot didn’t it?” Alex asked and Carrie nodded and he sighed poofing back to the studio where Julie, Reggie, and Luke were waiting for him with crossed arms.

“Do you know what you just did?” Luke asked glaring slightly.

“I came out?” Alex asked back eyebrows going up trying to find a problem with what he just did.

“What Luke means is do you know what you just did?” Reggie asked in a deeper tone.

Alex thought back to everything he did, he knew he didn’t poof in front of anyone he had rounded into the boys bathroom while running and girls weren’t that desperate, unless they were and that would just be horrible.

“I came out?” Alex asked again and Luke slammed his head into a wall.

“You put yourself in the spotlight, people from our past life might come looking for us, that would be bad for the band and us cause Caleb can get to us Alex,” Luke said holding his friend’s shoulders.

“So you’re mad cause it’s not you and Julie up in the front anymore, maybe I get a little tired from being in the back all the time, I write songs too Luke,” Alex was interrupted by a piece of paper being held out in front of him.

“Highways, you wrote this after you came out the first time and then when Cameron did what he did, when everything was hard you would pull this out and add all of your pain to it, it’s a good song Alex and I know that you can’t just sing in the background forever so next song is yours,” Luke said and Reggie nodded along. Julie smiled at Alex as tears came down his face and he grabbed the paper poofing out and back to Carrie’s.

“They want me to sing,” Alex said behind Carrie making her jump.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Carrie asked.

“I-I’ve never really done a solo before, I want you to sing with me,” Alex said and Carrie smiled turning around.

“I can’t do that for you Alex, you have to do that yourself,” Carrie said and Alex felt nerves build up. Alex poofed back to the studio breathing in deep leaning back against a wall. It’s always going to be another day, another person you try to get away from, another coming out, another song you’re scared to sing, another “I’m fine” Alex breathed in before humming the opening bars to Highways.

+1: Alex Sings

Willie stood outside the concert venue helping a nervous Alex breath even if he didn’t have to. Alex was scared and that was understandable. He had told him everything about the song and its meaning to his life, it was more than just some love song or break up song, this was his life on a piece of paper, his sister leaving, his first boyfriend, coming out to his parents, it was everything that he would have ever needed to write in one song. This song was his independence.

Willie poofed Alex into the dressing room with Julie, Luke, and Reggie. “I can’t sing something about my lif ein front of all these people, they’ll laugh and say that I deserved it, I can’t j-just d-do th-this like you guys can,” Alex cried into his hands going to walk away but a hand grabbed his shoulder and Julie was standing there with her hand on his shoulder, yes you can cause we all know you can,” Julie said and Alex looked over at her and he nodded grabbing the microphone. Julie walked out onto the stage and sat down at her piano and started playing a soft underbeat.

“Tonight, I have a friend who will be singing for us, most of you know him is the bashful drummer or now even the iconic drummer, Alex,” Julie said and the crowd cheered and Alex made himself seen picking up with Julie.

“I was alone, and I was cold, you left me with no hand to hold. I was a dreamer and I was meek you just wanted to see me weak. You can break me and make me a soul survivor, I will be on the front lines in the fire. You would stomp on me and push me to the ground only in this dark road is where I feel found. If you want me you have to let me go only on these highways is where I grow. I will travel my way down cracked and broken highways. You will be there at the end of the road just out of reach a sight to behold. You are the highway that I have to roam, you are the highway that I walk alone.” He sang the rest of the song carefree and the audience’s phones lit up swaying along with him. The applause for him just singing in general was overwhelming. He poofed out and smiled at his bandmates who clapped for him.

The rest of the performance went well and Willie asked to speak to him, they held hands walking down the side of a beach.

“I don’t know how you did it but you did it,” Willie said and Alex just looked at him in confusion.

“What did I do?” Alex asked puppy eyes looking into Willie’s making Willie’s heart melt just a little more.

“I’ve fallen even more in love with you,” Willie said stopping and Alex tripped over his own feet.

“Y-you…” Alex was cut off with hands caressing his face.

“I love you hotdog, is there anything I can do to make that more clear for you?” Willie asked and Alex tried to look down but Willie kept his face in place.

“I can think of one thing,” Alex said and Willie’s eyebrows raised.

“That was a little uncharacteristically brave of you,” Willie said and Alex wrapped his arms around Willie’s neck hugging him and Willie hugged him back holding him like his afterlife depended on it. Once Alex pulled back, Willie laughed.

“What, was that not what you had in mind?” Alex asked tilting his head.

“No, not really, I expected too much from you Alex,” Willie said laughing at Alex’s hurt face which then turned pink when he realized what Willie thought he was going to do.

“Oh, see I was waiting for you to make the first momph…” Willie pulled Alex’s lips to his by the back of the poor blonde’s hair putting him out of his embarrassed rambling. Wille’s arm snaked around his waist and Alex just settled on playing with where Wille’s hair met his shoulders. Alex could feel the hand brush his waistline and up under his shirt feeling his back, teeth biting into his lower lip pulling forth a small moan from the blonde before disconnecting.

“I made my move,” Willie said and Alex’s eyes were still closed lips still slightly parted, shoulders slouched, shirt untucked.

“Nice move,” Alex said laughing a little at how dumb that sounded to him.

“Probably one of my best,” Willie said taking Alex’s hand in his own walking again and Alex thought back through his checklist. He doesn’t want it to be another day, he doesn’t need another person to help him, coming out is always easy with Willie, he’s not scared to sing at the top of his lungs especially to the ones he loves.

“I’m fine,” Alex said into the ocean air and Willie hugged him from the side.

“You’re more than fine hotdog, you’re perfect.”

#julie and the phantoms #willie x alex #willie (Julie and the Phantoms)#Alex (Julie and the Phantoms)#carrie&alex #Reggie (Julie and the Phantoms)#julie molina #luke patterson #5+1 fic #give alex a hug #he needs one #original song #homophobic parents #original sister character #cause in like every fic alex has a sister #none of us can agree on a name though #phanfics

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fangirl-imagines · 5 years

Text

Hatred//Barry Berkman x Reader x Sally Reed

Warnings: Brief homophobic language, violence, and mentions of past domestic abuse

Prompt: You have never hated anyone as much as you hated your girlfriend Sally’s ex-husband. When he comes to town you can’t keep yourself from lashing out.

“How’s she doing?” Barry asked coming up beside you, eyes glued to Sally on the stage just like yours.

You glanced up at him for a second before bringing your eyes right back to Sally. She was standing tall, running through her lines like a true professional actress.

“Amazing.” You answered Barry proudly, letting your head fall gently against his chest.

Barry smiled and shook his head as he watched Sally, in awe of how strong she really was. You both watched her proudly, knowing how hard she worked to be here.

That’s your girl.

You heard the heavy clang of the audience door opening and glanced over briefly. Your eyes flickered back immediately though when you saw Sally’s ex husband standing there watching her. You tensed beside Barry and swallowed harshly. Looking at Sally it was clear she hadn’t seen him yet and from Barry’s relaxed posture next to you, you knew he hadn’t either. You glared harshly at Sam.

You had never felt a feeling inside of you like this. Like your entire body was flushed and burning. You had never felt hatred towards anyone like you did towards this man. Sam must have felt your eyes boring into him because he looked over at you. He looked you over unimpressed before turning his gaze back to Sally. He watched her for a moment before shaking his head and turning to storm out of the theatre.

You glanced up at Barry who was still watching Sally. He only nodded, distracted, when you told him, “I’ll be right back.”

You walked quickly out of the theater in long strides, your hands clenched by your side in tight fist.

“Hey!” You called out loudly to Sam as he strode towards his car.

He glanced back over his shoulder at you uninterestedly, “Hey.”

His nonchalant attitude only pissed you off more.

“Hey, Sally said she didn’t want you seeing that!”

He scoffed, “No, her little boyfriend said he didn’t want me seeing it! It’s my story, I have the right!”

“You have no right-!” You started, raising your voice when he stopped by his car and turned to look at you.

“Hey, if he’s her boyfriend, what does that make you?” He cut you off with a smirk.

You glared coldly at him. “Leave. Now.”

He shook his head, “You chicks are all so fucking overdramatic.” He scoffed.

“I’m telling you to leave one more time before I call the cops.” You seethed, nails digging into your palms.

He stared at you for a moment like he couldn’t believe you would actually threaten to call the police. You guess he wasn’t use to women threatening him. He took a step closer to you, invading your personal space slightly but you stood your ground. The hatred you felt made it hard to be afraid of him.

“You know I wouldn’t expect a dike like you to understand but I’ve got a family now! Something like this could compeltly fuck up my life!” He pointed to himself like he was the victim being ganged up on.

“Oh you have a family now?”

He nodded, “Yeah.”

“So tell me do you beat them too, tough guy? Or maybe I should call your wife and tell her what kind of man she really married?”

In retrospect following a violent man out into the parking lot by yourself to yell at him probably wasn’t a great idea. You heard the heavy theatre doors opening behind you at the same time you felt your head whip to the side followed by a harsh, stinging sensation in your cheek. The bastard had slapped you. Your hand flew up to your face, covering the spot where Sam had hit you. There was a shout and when you looked up Barry had Sam pinned to his car, his hand wrapped around his throat.

Your eyes widened in surprise as you saw the rage painted on Barry’s face. You had seen Barry mad before you thought, but you had never seen your sweet, awkward boyfriend like this before.

Like he could kill a man.

You straightened up as you watched Bary throw his fist into Sam’s face.

Again.

And Again.

“You don’t fucking touch them!” He shouted in Sam’s face.

You looked around the parking lot nervously but the three of you were the only ones outside. You knew this anger wasn’t just for you but for Sally too and all the pain Sam had inflicted. There was blood pouring from Sam’s nose that sat at an awkward angle on his face, clearly broken and his eyes were wide as he tried to pry Barry’s hands off of his throat. Barry was still squeezing Sam’s throat and for a second you were afraid that he was going to kill him in front of you.

“Barry!” You shouted, coming to your senses. You rushed forward and put your hands on his shoulders trying to push him back. “Barry come on, he’s not worth this!”

Barry looked over at you, eyes wild as they looked into your frightened, nervous ones. He looked between you and Sam. With his eyes still on you he pulled his hands off of the other man’s throat and took a step back, grabbing your wrist and taking you with him. He pushed you behind his back slightly as if Sam could still be a threat. As if Barry hadn’t just beaten him bloody. Sam was slumped against his car, touching his bloody face gingerly as he stared at Barry in shock.

“Leave.” Barry spoke coldly.

For once, Sam didn’t argue. He scrambled up and got into his car. He stared at you both and for a second you thought he was going to say something. But he stayed quiet as he raced out of the parking lot. Barry waited until Sam was gone before whirling around to look at you. He took your face in his hands gently, looking concerned as he turned your face from side to side to take in whatever damage Sam had caused. It was almost startling how gently he touched you after having beaten a man with those same hands.

“Are you okay?” He swallowed as he looked at the swelling spot on your cheekbone that would certainly leave a bruise. He clenched his jaw and shook his head, “I’m going to kill him.”

‘You almost did.’ You thought to yourself but just shook your head, pulling Barry’s hand from your face and squeezing it.

“Look I hate him too Bare. But Sally needs us both right now. Not you in jail for assault.”

He nodded, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“I know, I know. I just everything he did to Sally-, and then I saw him hit you and I just-!”

He shook his head, jaw clenching. He looked back at you in surprise when you brought his hand up to your lips and kissed it. His face softened some at your gentle, understanding gaze.

“Thank you for trying to protect me.”

He shook his head. You never had to thank him for that. He leaned down and kissed your forehead gently.

“Why don’t you go back inside and check on Sally okay? I’m gonna head home and get cleaned up before she sees me.”

You nodded, “Yeah, yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” You glanced back at the theater where Sally was waiting inside, completely unaware of the scene that had just played out in the parking lot. You looked back at Barry. “Are you sure you’re okay?” You hesitated.

He forced a smile to you and nodded. “I just need a minute. I’ll be fine. Take care of Sally for me okay?”

Now that you could do. You leaned up and kissed him quickly before rushing back into the theater. With your back turned you completely missed the murderous look that had made its way back on Barry’s face.

Sally was crossing something out on her script when you got back into the theater.

“Hey, what do you think about-?” She turned to look at you and stopped mid sentence when she saw the bruise on your face. “What happened?!” She set her script down, crossing the stage quickly, brushing the hair out of your face to get a better look at the bruise on your face.

“It’s nothing.” You shook your head, “Just a misunderstanding.”

But Sally saw right through you. You watched realization dawn on her face and her expression drop.

“It was Sam wasn’t it?” She whispered.

With a sigh, you nodded. Tears welled in Sally’s green eyes breaking your heart. She shrunk back from you and lowered herself down to lean against the small table on stage.

“I left! I left and I moved halfway across the country and he is still trying to hurt me! Why can he still keep doing this?”

“Hey,” You breathed, rushing forward and rubbing your hands up and down her arms gently. “Hey, he’s not gonna hurt you ever again, okay? I promise.” She looked up at you and you smiled reassuringly, “This bruise? This is nothing. And did I tell you Barry kicked his ass for it?”

She sniffled shaking her head. You gently brushed the tears back from her eyes.

“He’s never gonna hurt any of us again Sally. You, me, and Barry have each other now and Barry and I aren’t gonna let him do anything.”

You were crying too now as you pressed your forehead to hers. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” You whispered back. “Not a damn thing.”

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liesyousoldme · 4 years

Text

a compilation of reasons i dislike chapter 2:

problems with eddie’s characterization:

they reduced him to a germaphobe with mommy issues. we can talk all day about the tiny things that allude to his sexuality but at the end of the day, it is meant to go over the audience’s head. i want more than being thrown tiny inconclusive scraps about this character. the miniseries did a better job with him. eddie is the reason i love the book so much, because there’s so much contextual evidence that he’s gay and repressing his sexuality, that he equates being gay with being sick/diseased, that he worries about religion and being sent to hell for being sick and delicate, that he gets stuck in a cycle of abuse and marries a woman who, like his mother, makes him believe he’s sick and delicate and weak, that keeps him afraid of everything but he manages to break out of that and leave. i know for a fact if he’d survived eddie wouldn’t have gone back to myra. and both times in the sewers he proved his bravery in the face of some of his worst fears. “i’m doin the mash potatoes all over it and i got a broken arm!” “this is battery acid fucknuts!” and yet the movie portrays him as someone who almost lets richie die just so his final act of bravery is more cinematic. he loves his friends and literally is willing to die to protect them. and after he saves richie and bill and he’s dying and looking at richie, he literally let’s go of all the anxiety and fear and shame and is more himself than he ever had been and he’s about to tell richie that when he dies. his last moments were moments of self acceptance and peace. he’s such a multifaceted character, he’s so brave and he overcomes so much, he’s so fucking strong (he fucking takes bowers down! he laughs when bowers breaks his arm! he goes into the sewers with a broken arm both times!) and he deserved better than what this movie gave him.

he’s too harsh. eddie’s much softer than he’s portrayed. he can snap, sure, he’s emotionally reactive, but he isn’t just constantly going off, and the only time i can recall him being mean to richie is during the conversation about kids and that’s more that he feels backed into a corner and embarrassed and richie pushes the exact wrong button. i mean, this is eddie kaspbrak, who taught ben that when one person says “see you later aligator” the other person says “after a while crocodile”. his teasing with richie has more of a playful tone than the angry one the movie has - in fact some of the times that he teases richie back he’s actually laughing (and richie makes eddie “shriek with laughter” quite a few times which seems to never happen in the movies). he’s not constantly making snide remarks, he’s pretty chill when he’s with the losers, honestly. and one of the biggest differences is his bravery. both times in the sewers on their way to the lair eddie literally says “i’m scared,” and yet when the eye attacks he’s the one that fights back and gets the others to fight as well. he’s the one yelling at bill that georgie isn’t real. he’s afraid the entire time but he doesn’t hesitate when one of his friends needs him and when richie and bill are dying in the end, the moment he hears richie’s voice asking for help he doesn’t hesitate to attack. he loves his friends dearly and knows from the time he’s a kid that he would die for them. i liked ch 1 eddie, they gave him a little more sass and a little more bite, but it was like andy saw how much people liked eddie and turned the dial up from sass level 10 to sass level 1000 and it just didn’t work. it wasn’t him. i won’t even lie, when i left the theater the first time one of the things i was angry about was that he honestly wasn’t very likeable. i literally watched this movie and didn’t like my favorite character. and i’ve softened over time, there are parts that i appreciate now, but there are a lot of moments that make me cringe because it’s just so not eddie and it’s not even someone i would like as a character if i hadn’t read the book.

eddie thinks his fatal flaw is that sometimes he doesn’t think he’s delicate at all. he literally feels like he needs to be protected from his own “dim intimations of bravery”. in the book his brave moments are Big and Loud. for instance when he attacks the eye he calls the others pussies and screams IM DOIN THE MASHED POTATOES ALL OVER IT AND I GOT A BROKEN ARM! and he starts cursing at the eye and keeps yelling and screaming at it. when he sprays his aspirator at the spider it describes him letting out a yell that was shocking to hear from eddie kaspbrak’s mouth, from eddie kaspbrak’s lungs. he has these major moments and because he’s spent his whole life believing himself to be delicate it creates this powerful emotional punch. his softness is more personality-based - he’s kind and loving and fun, he likes to joke around, he likes to play - but i don’t think that has to do with believing himself to be delicate. i think that’s just who he is. he can be sassy too, he can snap, too, but for the most part he’s pretty chill if not nervous, and he’s always ready to go with the rest of the group, even when he’s the injured one. but it’s the fact that he’s not afraid to be vulnerable with his friends and with the reader that juxtaposes so well with those huge moments of bravery. which is why his fear during the spiderstan scene and the “braver than you think” scene makes his attack more powerful. but if he had been that open and vulnerable person throughout the movie it would’ve meant even more. i just wish they’d turned the dial down on him by like 50%

the ending:

if they can remove the child orgy then they can remove eddies death. if they can change the walking tours to artifacts, change the ritual of chud, change It’s final form, change the way It dies, change tom and audra’s involvement, then they could change eddies death. don’t act like it has to happen in the movie because it happened in the book. eddies walking tour was changed. eddies leper never offered him a blowjob. eddie had a different career. eddie broke his arm differently. eddie wasn’t portrayed as the bravest loser. eddies fear of going to hell was never mentioned. so don’t pretend you couldn’t change the fate of his character because it would change the story. you already changed the story in multiple major ways. just admit you don’t think lgbtq characters deserve happy endings and go eddie didn’t even fucking get to kill bowers. if you haven’t read the book when bowers attacks eddie he’s already injured mike, and he breaks eddies arm again and eddie breaks open this glass bottle and IMPALES henry and it’s an amazing moment!! and instead he got a knife in the cheek and a weird stab through a shower curtain! eddie is a fucking badass over and over and over in the book and we rarely see it in either movie. and mike doesn’t even go into the sewers as an adult, henry’s attack lands him in the hospital. on top of the fact that his parents are alive in the book. there is no “bev saw us all die” thing. bev literally never saw the deadlights in the book. there’s nothing about It being female and having to kill her eggs!!!!!! movie stan apparently wrote everyone letters! so many changes and yet…. we still keep the most homophobic part? k. this movie opens with a brutal gay bashing that made me feel physically sick because it was so graphic, immediately followed by don watching adrian get murdered by pennywise. it ends with pennywise murdering eddie right in front of richie, who has to leave his body in the sewers and never gets to confess his feelings. and we’re supposed to be happy with this “representation” because wow look r + e!!!! and one cute scene in a hammock!!!! yes, eddie and adrian die in the book. however, the way this movie was framed specifically made it bookended with two gay murders and two heartbroken gay characters. wouldn’t it be much more powerful for eddie and richie to have the happy ending that don and adrian didn’t get? eddie dying adds NOTHING to the story. and why is it eddie that dies without confessing his feelings/knowing richies feelings? why couldn’t bev or ben die without either of them confessing? why do they get a happy ending with a cute underwater kiss while richie is fucking grieving five feet away because eddie basically died on top of him? why do mike and bill get hopeful endings? it’s fucked up and in 2019 they could’ve done better. they SHOULD have done better. i left the theater feeling angry and the past few weeks have just made me feel even worse about it. this entire movie was a disservice to eddie as a character, and it’s a sucker punch if you’re lgbtq.

#it meta #ek meta

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wingedimpurity · 4 years

Note

*KICKS DOWN UR DOOR* O CS, TELL ME.

Oh bOy! Well I have a few so I'll start off with my ocs that aren't really apart of anything and yea h

So I'll start off with my newest ones cuz wowoowwi and I'll probably put art of em under the text cuz I love talking about my kids shshhshh

Runo- he is a demon thing who was swapped at birth much like a farie would swap children but he was given to very religious parents who pmuch neglected him cuz demon and all. Being a demon he has hightened emotions and reacts to things in the extremes half the time. He is not necessarily a bad person, though he doesn't have great morals as he is obsessed with theater and tries to make and show of plays either using or too dead bodies (and kizmet who he's gay for) he also may or may not have like killed his family that's alr i g h t

Kizmet- he was also raised by religious parent's and was p religious himself tho im not completely sure what im gonna have happen but he eventually gets like "yo fuck god wth" and believes god is a dumb wimp lmao he also comes across runo while runo was in some big monster form and made a deal with him that backfired and gave him an 8-ball eye and they are pmuch a chaotic duo

Dex- Dex is litterally just some 12 year old that hangs out in the woods wearin his good ol deer mask and trying to seem cool and mysterious but he's just a dork. He is in the same universe as Runo and Kizmet

Husk-(i made them before i knew of hazbin don't @me lmao) they are just this snake controlling what is esentually a cats corpse i haven't drawn them in a long time and they dont have much story and are not in the same universe as the top 3 they are their own thing

???- forgot what i named him he's mute and is just shrim p

Baxter- He is a closeted gay cultist he became the cult leader after his dad who originally was cult leader died he's a nervous and anxious asshole who is kinda homophobic (idk why I'd have to note this but im afraid someone would take this the wrong way im in no way homophobic i have a boyfriend lmao that's just what this oc was raised to believe and he isn't supposed to be a good person at all so like yea)

Off

Now for oc's apart of something!

Lamprophonic- hohohohooo boy so with him me and my close friend @gravyvolcanoes and bf @snakeeyessunset have a whole au with our guardian ocs i've talked about them a bit so you probably already know a lot of it but in their whole thing they have zones set apart from the main ones they don't get purified at first because you wouldn't notice them as they are far to get to even through the nothingness. Anyway he accidentally poisoned hugo with these fruits he is immune to hence hugo getting sick he had no way of knowing that would happen until a bit after his elsens start wating them but at this point he is so far in tryimg to convince himself nothing was his fault that he refuses to believe anything about the fruits being a problem nor does he try to fix anything in fear of having to face the truth. (And on a side note me and the gang are plannin on makin an ask blog for our boys cuz why not that or even a fangame when i can figure out how to make proper sprites lmao)(and another side note the art of him and shortsen is the newest art i have of him so ft. Shortsen the cutie)

Neil- He is pmuch a simple zone 3 elsen i haven't worked on him like,, at all. Maybe i will someday i just don't have any good ideas for em

Eddsworld

Xaviar- he is son a very nervous red army soldier (taking place in the whole future red army being stinky stank au) who has wings and is forced to hide them in the fear that he would be experimented on he is just my poor son i love him (arts old tho 😔👊)

Max- he is horrible and has no redeeming qualities he was Xaviar's boyfriend and was mentally manipulative aswell as soon as he found iut about Xai's wings he was quick to use that to his advantage in trying to take over the army, eventually xai ratted hin out and he got executed thankfully (also this art is hella old he isn't mute anymore cuz it fucked with the story)

Now tumblr is trying to limit my obsessive talking so ima make another post about the others

#ocs #off ocs #oc #my art #off (game)#shortsen #lamprophonic #im too lazy to put all my oc names in the tags that's too much smh #eddsworld #eddsworld oc #demons #demons jazz ig #cultist

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waywardteamfreewill · 4 years

Text

Character: Dean Winchester Timestamp: Ages 14-41 trigger warnings: Underage feelings for Harrison Ford, lots of internalized homophobia, mentions of homophobia but no homophobic actions are done towards Dean, drunken kissing, NSFW elements in Garth’s section but no smut, alcoholism implied in the therapist section, and mentions of John Winchester’s A+ parenting, but no actual interaction with him.

Dean is fourteen when he starts looking at Harrison Ford differently. It’s not just him, it’s all his favorites, but right now it’s all about Harrison Ford. His dad is on a hunt in the next town over, leaving Sam and Dean in some cheap motel. For once, he’s not itching to join him, because the local cable is having an all day Harrison Ford marathon, starting with Star Wars and ending with Indiana Jones.

He’s always admired the guy. He’s good looking, knows how to handle a gun, wears an awesome hat, and always wins the hot girl in the end. The thing is that Dean always wanted to be him, and as he watches Indi somersault out of the way of an oncoming boulder, he still does, but there’s something more there tonight that he hasn’t noticed in the past.

His cheeks feel flushed and there’s heat tickling underneath his skin. At first, he thinks he’s getting a fever or something and moves over to the other bed, just in case he’s contagious. The space does nothing to help Dean though, and his pink cheeks grow bright red when Indiana kisses Willie in Temple of Doom. As the music swells, and he lowly says the words “primitive sexual practices,” Dean finds that he’s picturing himself in Willie’s place, with Harrison Ford looming over him and dipping down to kiss him deeply.

The realization of what he’s doing crashes into him, leaving him a little sick to his stomach as he snatches the remote and turns the TV off abruptly. He swallows roughly to chase away the sick feeling and gives Sam a feigned apologetic look. “I--uh--think I’m gettin’ sick or something. I’m going to bed,” He says. But hours after the lights are turned off and he’s buried under the covers, he’s still wide awake.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is seventeen, and this is the longest they’ve stayed in one place since he watched their house in Lawrence disappear from the backseat in the Impala. When their dad took on a pretty big case in Florida, he left the Sam and Dean with Bobby, and then...just kind of left them there. It’s been three months. At first he was pissed. He’s old enough to go on hunts with his dad. He’s been on plenty, while Sam was safely hidden away in a motel.

“You gotta watch over Sammy,” John said, like he always does when Dean asks to go. It felt like a shitty excuse at the time, but now he can’t imagine being away from his little brother this long, and while he’ll never admit it, he’s glad he left them with Bobby.

For the first time, Dean actually knows the names of the other kids in his class. He has decent grades, and he’s even considering trying out for the baseball team. Sammy seems happy too. Dean has seen the poor kid get ripped away from school after school, trying to keep his sobs quiet in the backseat as their dad drove away from yet another town. He hates himself for thinking of it, but when he sees how settled Sam is at Bobby’s, he hopes their dad doesn’t come back.

And maybe he’s happy too, and he tries not to feel guilty, but it’s not like his dad will ever know. Whenever he shows up for them, Dean will follow with a “yes, sir,” like he always does. Until then, he just lets himself be a normal seventeen year old for once. He even found a group of friends and everything, a few guys from his gym class. There’s Matt, Jordan, and Aaron with the too blue eyes, or at least that’s what he calls him in his head. As if he’d ever have the nerve to call him that aloud.

Thoughts about boys creep up on him like itch, dull at first but the more he ignores it the more insistent it becomes. When he first noticed these...feelings, he told himself, “It’s a celebrity crush, it’s fine. Everyone gets those.” But then it grew into, “It’s just some stranger in a diner, it’s fine. You’ll never see him again,” and now it’s, “It’s just your good looking friend, it’s fine.”

It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.

It’s not fine, but Dean pushes it down and pretends it’s not there. Besides, he hasn’t stopped noticing girls. If anything, he’s notices them more. As long as that’s the case, there’s no reason to act on these feelings or even acknowledge them. His dad doesn’t want a whole lot from him. He wants him to protect Sam and be a good hunter, but Dean sure as hell knows what he doesn’t want for him, and that’s being with another guy like that, especially when he’s still attracted to girls. He’s seen the way his dad looks at gay guys, heard the comments he makes under his breath, and there’s no way that’s the kind of life he wants for his sons.

He needs that reminder right now as the four of them are packed together in a crowded movie theater, seeing Scream. At some point, Aaron scooted closer to Dean’s side, pressing their shoulders together. The screams from the crowd sound like a dull roar in his ears when Aaron’s pinky brushes against his, and he holds his breath as he slowly tangles them together, until they’re practically holding pinkies. He should rip his hand away, he even stiffens as he prepares himself to, but then his shoulders sag as he leans further into the touch. He doesn’t want to pull away. His eyes burn as he stares fixedly at the screen with how badly he doesn’t want to pull away.

They stay like that for the rest of the movie, sneaking glances at each other, but keeping the touch to just their shoulders and pinkies. When the credits roll, Dean finally pulls away, stretching as he stands to try and come off as casual as possible. They toss their popcorn in the trash and talk about the movie as they head out of the theater. Matt and Jordan give them a quick pat on the shoulders before heading off, and before Dean can go searching for Bobby’s truck in the parking lot, Aaron grabs his elbow to keep him from leaving.

“Dean?” His blue eyes flicker from Dean’s face to the ground nervously, “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime. Like without Matt and Jordan.”

“You mean like…” He trails off, unsure if he can even say it, but Aaron beats him to it.

“Like a date, yeah. I don’t know if you--if you’re--well, I thought I’d try, at least,” He gives a nervous look as he braves meeting Dean’s gaze.

His first instinct is to be furious, to fly off the handle at him for even daring to assume that Dean isn’t anything but straight, to tell him he doesn’t swing that way and storm off, maybe even get a punch in, but he’s frozen. Despite all his promises to himself that he wouldn’t ever acknowledge this thing that follows him around, he starts entertaining the idea of letting himself have this. His dad is on the other side of the country, he’ll never find out. Nobody has to know if they keep it to themselves. He can just try it this once to get it out of his system and then stick to girls.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean chokes out before he even fully gives himself permission to, and he knows he needs to leave now before he chickens out, “I gotta go. Uh--I’ll call you.” Aaron lets out a huge, relieved breath before giving Dean one of those grins that make his insides squirm with delight, and he smiles back, giving him a playful wink before walking away.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

“Watch it, brother. You don’t wanna eat sand,” A husky voice laughs as he grips Dean’s shoulders with strong hands to steady him.

Dean just admired him, in general. He’s having a hell of a time ignoring it when his dad is always there. Maybe, it’s just his paranoia talking, but it feels like he’s watching Dean too closely, noting how he acts around Lee. Which is what inspires their first escape from John Winchester in a slew of rowdy drunken activities. After he caught them wasted in a middle of a hunt, they started being more discreet about it, so while John was dead asleep in his motel room, the two of them snuck off to a bar and then stumbled their way to the closest beach.

Lee’s hands on his shoulders make him feel both grounded but also like he’s teetering over the edge of a cliff. The moon illuminates his face from where it’s hovering near Dean’s, his blue eyes boring into his. In his drunken state, he forgets what they were talking about, or if they were even talking at all, and all those walls he’s been building around himself for the past decade feel flimsy, like the slightest nudge will knock them all down.

“Dean,” Lee breathes, low and rough, and it sends a tingle down his spine.

Something like recognition shows in Lee’s eyes before he clasps the back of Dean’s neck and draws him down to seal their lips together in a tentative kiss. It’s more gentle and hesitant than his actual first kiss, but it makes his entire body practically sing. He hears a desperate noise over the sound of the waves, and he thinks it might’ve come for him, but he doesn’t care. He can beat himself up for that later, but for now, he sighs against Lee’s lips and deepens the kiss, letting himself have this.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Lee is the longest relationship he’s ever had, which is pretty sad, considering it lasts for about a month. But in that month, they find creative ways to sneak around his dad and even get caught up in some kind of wild orgy with triplets. It all crashes and burns when a case in Arizona goes horribly, horribly wrong, and Lee can’t just move past it. He quits hunting and leaves Dean to go back home, giving him one last lingering kiss before he drives away.

A week after Lee and his dad left, he’s sitting in the parked Impala, dialing Sam’s number.

“Heya, Sammy,” He greets his brother, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant and cheerful as possible. They talk about Sam’s homework and friends, and Dean tells him about some interesting hunts, leaving out the most recent one. He doesn’t tell him about dad leaving, but Lee is on the tip of his tongue. Part of him wants to tell Sam--to get this weight off his shoulders, for one more person to know so it doesn’t feel like some big fever dream.

“Sam,” He starts, his tone suddenly serious. “I’m...” He stops. He’s what? He’s not gay, but he obviously ain’t straight either. But who says he has to label himself right this second though? He can just tell him about Lee. “I…” He tries again, but the words just don’t come.

“I gotta go. Take care of yourself, okay?”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

“That’s pretty nice timing, Cas,” Dean breathes shakily, overwhelmed by the sheer relief that this Cas is his Cas, not the version he left in 2014.

“We had an appointment,” Cas replies, and there’s so much warmth in his gravely voice that Dean wants to chase it and hold it close to his chest. He feels his face do something that’s probably too open and too fond, but he doesn’t do anything to mask it. Instead, he firmly rests a hand on the angel’s shoulder and looks him straight in the eye before saying, “Don’t ever change.”

Dean wouldn’t say Cas has much variety in his facial expressions, so the hint of a smile he gets in return feels huge. It reaches his eyes more than his lips, and something about that makes it more genuine. This isn’t the first time Dean felt something after prolonged eye contact with the guy, far from it, but it’s usually a shock of heat or desire--this is something else entirely. He just wants to find more ways to earn looks like this, which seems impossible with the apocalypse around the corner, but he wants to try.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is thirty-two, and he’s very naked, and very sticky. He curses himself under his breath for not taking the time to clean up before passing out, but he must’ve worn himself out. For a second he forgets where he is or who he was with the night before, but when he cracks an eye open, he sees peeling yellow wallpaper from the ugly ass motel room he’s been staying in. He blindly reaches a hand out behind him and makes contact with an equally naked and sticky body.

“Hey, watch the hand,” A very familiar voice laughs from behind him, causing Dean to whip around in surprise, wincing at the soreness that follows.

“Garth?” He asks wearily.

Dean blinks a few times to try and wake himself up, and when he’s feeling a little less disoriented, the night before comes back to him--and, oh yeah, he remembers it. Who would’ve thought a little guy like Garth could be such a firecracker in bed? Maybe, he somehow sensed that about him, and that’s why he was so eager to find out.

In the short time he’s known Garth, he wouldn’t say he’s had many dirty thoughts about him. He didn’t have many thoughts about anyone these days, not since Cas...Dean quickly ends that train of thought there. The nightmares are enough. The thing with Garth just kind of happened, between the goodbye hugs, and the comments about how good he smells, the little smiles he keeps sending Dean’s way, he figured why the hell not?

“I remember,” He gives a quiet laugh before clearing his throat awkwardly, looking from Garth’s bare chest to the sheets. “Look, Garth, I--uh--I’m not really looking for a relationship or anything,” He begins, and it feels so overused and rehearsed. He hates having this talk, which is why he usually sticks to waitresses or women, and the occasional man, that he won’t ever see again. He doesn’t want to shoot Garth down, but after Cas--he just thought things would be different by now. He thought they would be different now, but that hope died when he pulled Cas’s soaking trench coat out of the water.

Dean feels his entire body sag in relief, and now that, that awkwardness is out of the way, he feels his body react to Garth’s close proximity, the memory of the night before has him ready to go all over again. Resting a hand on the hunter’s naked hip, he leans in until their noses brush, “In that case, round two?” He asks, his voice practically a quiet purr.

“Round two,” Garth agrees before pulling him in for a heated kiss.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

“I don’t know. I guess that was the first time I did something like that without feeling guilty after. I didn’t really even think about the fact that he was a dude that time,” Dean recounts, picking at a stray thread on his jeans. He’s forty-one and the world is still turning. Chuck is gone, Jack and Eileen are back, Cas is human, Sam is okay, and everything should be fine. But it turns out that peace on earth doesn’t erase decades worth of repression and trauma.

It took storming out of a few therapist’s office before he found the right one. Dr. Williams, or Charlotte, is pretty nice, so far. She listens to all his stories that would sound absolutely insane to an outsider, and hardly bats an eye. Usually, they talk about Hell or Michael, but somehow the subject shifted to his history with men today, starting with him telling her about the ring he got Cas for Christmas. The one he almost didn’t give him--the ring that isn’t an engagement ring despite the looks Sam keeps giving him, but hopefully isn’t just a friendship ring either.

“And how do you feel now? With Castiel? Do you still feel ashamed of your feelings or sexuality?” She asks calmly as she looks up at him over her notebook.

Dean grimaces at that word--sexuality. He’s had so many years to accept the fact that he isn’t straight, that he likes men too, that he more than likes a particular man specifically. Still, he can’t get himself to say the actual word, not even in his own head. His old man has been dead for thirteen years, and it still feels like he’s looming over his shoulder whenever he even considers it. Sometimes, he wishes he told him when he accidentally wished him back into existence, but he’s glad he didn’t. Of all the people who deserve to hear it first, it’s not his dad. The fact that he even thinks that tells him these sessions are doing something.

“Sometimes...yeah,” Dean mutters and nervously licks his lower lip, “I know my family won’t care. Hell, they probably already know, but I don’t know. I just can’t shake it, I guess.”

“You don’t have to come out,” Charlotte tells him, and her voice isn’t too gentle like some of the other Therapist’s were, but it’s not too matter-of-fact either, which is why he likes her so much. “Not with an official statement, at least. You should do what you’re comfortable with. Like, next time you watch Star Wars, instead of keeping all those thoughts about Harrison Ford to yourself, say them aloud.”

Dean merely raises a brow in response, he’s pretty sure nobody wants to hear what he has to say about Harrison Ford. He’s come up with way so many jerking off fantasies to that guy, that most of his thoughts are something along the lines of, “I’d sell my soul to fuck Harrison Ford.”

Charlotte seems to catch on quick and lets out an amused snort, “The safe for work version.”

“I know that uh--that being bisexual is okay,” He stammers out and rubs the back of his neck as it prickles with nerves, “Which is what I am, I mean, bisexual. I’m just trying to believe that it is.” It’s the first time he’s actually said it, and it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as he thought it was. He still feels sick with anxiety, and like he wants to drink an entire bottle of whiskey when he gets home, but the fact that he did it at all lifts a huge weight from his shoulders.

Charlotte gives him an impressed nod and jots down a few notes, “Well, that’s a good start.”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

After his session, he comes home and gives some flimsy excuse about his whereabouts before pouring himself a drink. Cas isn’t in the kitchen or his room, but it doesn’t take Dean long to track him down. The new human spends a lot of time in the same spot these days. Shrugging on a coat, he brings his glass outside and walks to the little area Cas so carefully turned into his garden.

Dean doesn’t announce his presence, just watches from a safe distance as Cas mutters quietly to his plants. The sun occasionally glints off the silver ring on his middle finger, and it brings a fond smile to his lips. After everything they’ve been through, after losing him so many times, Dean can’t believe he’s really here. It’s not perfect, Cas is struggling with his new humanity, and the distance between them hasn’t been fixed, but it’s still good.

And Dean loves him.

#selfpara: dean

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thepatricktreestump · 5 years

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pride month asks!

some questions and answers about my experience with LGBTQ+

1. What do you identify as and what are your pronouns?

I identify as bisexual and genderfluid, so my pronouns regularly change from she/her to he/him.

2. How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

I have always been a huge ally to the LGBTQ+ community, but one day I was stepping out of the shower, and kind of thinking to myself what the difference between having sex with a guy and having sex with a girl was. After contemplation, I thought to myself that they really weren’t all that different to me, and I’d probably enjoy having sex with a girl just as much as having sex with a guy. I researched online a little bit, and I figured out that yeah, I’m probably bi. Especially after I fell in love with both Brendon Urie and his wife Sarah, I was pretty damn sure I was bi.

3. Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Sometimes I do, but it honestly doesn’t bother me too much because I come from a very conservative, religious, small town background. I grew up in a private Catholic school where everyone is Republican and nobody even knows what being gay is, much less a different gender. So I’m kind of used to putting up a façade for others. As I graduated and moved away from my hometown, things have been much better, and by politely correcting others, I’m able to be confident in who I am as well as educate the people around me.

4. Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

Oh god, haha. I distinctly remember that night when I knew I was going to tell my best friend I was genderfluid. I was so nervous and scared, I just sort of blurted it out over text, in all caps, like “I’M GENDERFLUID” and then I kind of panicked, so I proceeded to send her about a hundred Hamilton gifs to cover up what I had typed out and sent. Although it was awkward in the moment, we both laugh about it to this day, and she’s been so accepting and kind to me ever since that moment.

5. Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

For my friends, it was a lot of anxiety and doubt. For my parents, fear and chaos. My friends didn’t understand, they thought it was a disease of some sort, and actually a lot of them stopped talking to me. Again, conservative religious background, but still, no excuse. I grew up in a very abusive household, and it wasn’t my choice to come out. My therapist had forced me to tell my parents in a session and it was an absolute mess. Coming out wasn’t the best experience, especially as a freshman in high school.

6. If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

I kind of explained above, but basically not so well. My dad went absolutely off on me, and said some of the most horrible things I have ever been told in my life. He said that I was dragging everyone I knew towards hell, that what I was is unmoral, unnatural, and unnormal, acted like I was some sort of monster, said it was extremely difficult to even be related to me, and that I was corrupting his family and disrespecting his household. It was a miserable time for me, but through music, I was able to write a song about it that helped me cope.

7. What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

A lot of people assume that because I’m bisexual, I’m some sort of fetish they can use to fulfill their dirty fantasies. I’m always asked to be a part of a couple’s threesome. I am told that the only reason I’m bi is because I want double the opportunities to have sex. It’s ridiculous and disgusting. I’m bi because I like people. Not because I like sex.

8. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

I really fucking love beanies! Most of the time I read that’s the essential clothing item for all genderfluid people, which makes me laugh, because it’s true. Combat boots or converse, black jeans, a band t-shirt, a sports bra or binder, a jean jacket, and a beanie is always my go-to outfit. So much so, to the point my sister told me that every time I go out in public I’m always wearing the same thing, which kind of makes me laugh.

9. Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I don’t know if you’ve ever read the magna, Tamen de Gushi, but I absolutely love it! That lesbian couple is everything! I also really love Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams, of course. Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine and his husband is amazing. Elijah Daniels and Sam also make me super fucking happy.

10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

Growing up as a theater kid, I’ve always seen makeup as accentuated and over the top. I only ever wore makeup on stage, and even then, it was special effects type stuff, zombies and clowns and shit. Once I hit puberty though, my mom would force me to wear makeup because she said it would make me beautiful. I hated it. She would force me to put on makeup before I left the door and it made me have horrible self image issues. As I grew older, I found a love for makeup through beauty gurus and drag queens, and I sometimes dabble in it either for fun or for special events like prom or fancy dinners. I always prefer no makeup though, I feel like to me, wearing it is just hiding behind a mask.

11. Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

ALL THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME. Since I’ve gotten my haircut, a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Wearing a binder also helps so much! However, I still really want to start T and I think that will help a lot. Dysphoria affects me in so many ways, whether my self confidence or my body image, my anxiety and my mood, etc., a lot of it depends on how comfortable I am in my own skin.

12. What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Homophobic people are probably the stupidest people I’ve ever met in my life, to be honest. I’ve heard thousands of dumb things come from their mouths. I think the most outrageous myth I’ve heard is probably that being gay is a disease, and that simply being around another gay person will make you gay. Like who the fuck comes up with this shit? Smh.

13. What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

How creative we are. We’re resilient and outspoken and passionate, but most of all, so talented. The queer community is full of inventors, politicians, emperors, artists, directors, actors, musicians, and more. It’s gorgeous just how much we are capable of.

14. What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

The discrimination breaks my heart. The fact that we are terrified to so much as hold hands with the one we love in public. To be beaten, tortured, and killed simply for who we are. That is what hurts me the most.

15. Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

No, I find it sort of ironic every time there is a pride event I happen to have a concert on that day. Once, a Panic! concert, which honestly is sort of the equivalent of Pride. We went and there were so many LGTBQ+ flags and people and it was so gorgeous. I have attended pride prom once though, and it was probably the most fun I had ever had in a really long time.

16. Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I absolutely adore Miles McKenna. He has helped me so much in finding myself and accepting who I am. He’s such a huge spokesperson for the community and I am so grateful to have him in my life.

17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I’ve been in several relationships, surprisingly, through parties and discussions and friends. My s.o. right now I met through high school, which was crazy in itself, but we’ve been dating for almost two years now and I love them to death.

18. What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children is one of my favorite books ever and it’s about being FTM trans and I love it so much wow.

19. Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

So very much. After coming out to one of my best friends, she stared at me, disgusted and went “well don’t try to have sex with me or anything” and then proceeded to never talk to me again. I’ve received dirty looks and glares, been misgendered on purpose, and even received death threats. It’s horrible.

20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

I love American Horror Story so much because of just how much representation it gives our community and how natural they make it seem! And of course, “Love, Simon” was an amazing movie that made me cry like a baby.

21. Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

I don’t really know about bloggers, but definitely Youtubers! Shane Dawson, Miles Chronicles, Thomas Sanders, Ally Hills, Anthony Amorim, Elijah Daniels, Elle Mills, Garrett Watts, Sam Collins, Todrick Hall, and Trevor Moran are a couple of my favorites.

22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I don’t think queer should be a slur. I think queer is a form of self expression and an umbrella term for the community, and I believe many other LGBTQ+ members agree. It’s a word that we take great pride in rather than shame or discrimination.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but god I would love to.

24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

For me, it’s simply just a part of who I am. Just like the weather, my gender simply changes and I adapt to it. It makes me comfortable in my own skin and proud of who I am. I wouldn’t change being genderfluid for the world.

25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I fucking hate the idea of pushing a human being out of my vagina, and I would probably want anything else in the entire world other than giving birth. Being pregnant for nine months sounds absolutely miserable and dysphoric, and I cannot even imagine going through labor. However, I would like to have kids, just simply through foster care or adoption, never like my own biological children. There are more than enough kids who need good homes who already exist and I’m more than happy to give it to them.

26. What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You aren’t alone and there are so many people just like you. Your parents do not own you and cannot tell you who you are supposed to be. You are you.

27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

Gender roles are complete bullshit. Let a guy be a stay at home dad. Let a woman be the working one. Everyone should have responsibilities regardless of their gender. If there’s dirty dishes, do the fucking dishes, don’t wait for your spouse to get home to do them. It’s absolutely ridiculous, really. Just do your part in the relationship.

28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

It breaks my heart how much pain and suffering one has to go through just to be themselves, especially for women and trans people. It’s horrible.

29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

It’s natural! It’s comfortable! And it’s normal! Being oneself is just part of life, there’s no need to have shame or guilt about it. Respect someone the way you wish you would be accepted and loved.

30. Why are proud to be lgbt+?

We have worked so fucking hard to be recognized for who we are. There’s still so much we need to do though, and we aren’t ever going to stop until every single one of our siblings gain the love and respect they deserve.

#pride month #lgbtq+#genderfluid #bisexual #genderfluidity #bisexuality #bi asks #genderfluid asks #pride asks #happy pride month

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pressedonjess · 5 years

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act 1 scene 1

In small towns you should be mindful of what you could become known for. If you want to become known for anything at all, that is. It’ll definitely happen if you want it to. It’ll probably happen if you don’t. Did you slip in the rain one time while running for the bus? Congrats, now every time you go outside in the rain, someone is going to yell ‘Watch your step!’ or ‘Hey, be careful now!’ with that annoyingly cheerful smile, maybe the odd finger gun. Of course, small townsfolk can have a selective memory when it comes to what they know about you, or at least what they’ll shout at you in the street. Have a month’s-long torrid affair with the neighbor’s husband, completely wreck two families and end up living in the one motel in town for weeks? They’ll all remember, but the judgemental looks will stop after a year or so has gone by. God forbid you ever fall flat on your ass in public though.

Jesse Preston was a torrid love affair and a slapstick public fall wrapped into one.

Or at least she felt that way. Ever since sophomore year before her first day at a new school, where the kids her age had grown up with one another since pre-k. Penelope Preston had sat her daughter down that Sunday night before school, told her

‘Everyone’s gonna be watching. Doesn’t matter whether you stick with the crowd or cartwheel down the hall. They’re gonna see you either way. But you get to choose what they see.’

Penny Preston was cheesy as hell, but she’d never been one of those stage moms you see on Toddlers and Tiaras or whatever. Penny always encouraged her children to be themselves and to be loud about it. Both of her kids were super queer to some degree, and she had provided them with an environment where there hadn’t been a need for a nerve-wracking ‘coming out’ event. They just were. Mika Preston blamed the regular viewings of Rent for their gayness.

Of course, fifteen-year-old Jesse Preston chose to ‘cartwheel’. Terrified though she may have been, Jesse let her blonde curls go as big as they wanted, stole her brother’s star-shaped pink-tinted sunglasses and her mom’s fur lined coat and strutted down the hall to first period on that Monday morning, channelling her inner Penny Lane from Almost Famous and Maureen from Rent rolled into one. Over the months, drama club followed, as did afterschool art class, volleyball, and marching band. The youngest Preston had many items on the list titled: Things to be Thankful to Mom For. Somewhere near the top would be a thank you for not moving with her two queer kids to one of the many small towns that are outrageously homophobic and racist, because Jess sure did exercise her rights as a young queer woman. Or at least she tried to.

From reasonably early on Jesse knew she was pretty in the conventional sense. She had the blonde hair, blue eyes and legs for days going for her. When she hit sixteen and junior year, her new kid in school novelty had long since worn off but the nervous interactions and glances didn’t stop. Only problem was, she didn’t know what to do with it at first.

She’d always been a smooth talker. Talked her way out of a speeding ticket that one time when her flight touched down late and she didn’t want to miss the town’s new year fireworks display. Schmoozed her way into the leading role of the high school production of The Twelfth Night so she could ‘rehearse’ with the girl playing Olivia. But the moment someone reciprocated – who wasn’t acting opposite her – Jesse Preston the confident wannabe leading lady turned into a blushing stuttering mess. It led to rumors of her liking girls but no one being completely sure, because there’d never been a relationship for the students to see and gayness to quantify. So all the boys bar the extremely confident one or two stayed away, and the girls… everything with the girls happened under bleachers or in dark unused rehearsal rooms.

Ten years later, after burlesque classes, several stage productions under her belt and now a debut album… it was more or less the same deal, only the stakes were different. There had been dates, which sometimes led to making out, one time led to a relationship. Nothing that lasted.

These days Preston had all the outward confidence of a woman who knew what she wanted and was good at getting it. In reality, she was the woman who needed a shot of Dutch courage in most high-stakes social situations, and even before the one thing she was best at and supposed to be most comfortable doing: being on stage. An extrovert bordering on exhibitionist who also happened to have stage fright? Typical.

So Jesse deployed an artistic approach to the armor she wore. An application of richly pigmented pink or red powder along her cheekbones and up toward her temples meant that girls could go ahead and make her blush. The bright colors and statement fashion choices meant that the attention she invited was hers to command. Even in a room full of people, most of which she didn’t know but who knew her Preston could feel the nerves pulling at the base of her spine.

She hadn’t been home for an extended length of time in around a year and a half. She was in the process of making a name for herself, so now that was what the town knew her for. Not little Jesse Preston the new girl, the theater kid, the enthusiastic volleyball player. Now she was a singer. Now there were expectations. All the thirty-somethings in town had heard her voice on Grey’s Anatomy, for shit’s sake. There was no turning back now… but she kind of had.

It was the wedding of some local high school sweethearts. She had been roped in by her friend Benji, one of the groomsmen who’d offered his services as ‘behind the scenes’ wedding photographer and hers as the wedding singer. She’d done her part, finished her set about an hour ago, providing her voice for the first dance. It had been an honour, she supposed. Most people settled for the DJ, they had asked for her to sing ‘their’ song live, the one that meant something to their love and the one they wanted to remember dancing to as a newly married couple for the rest of their lives.

Benji approached her as she leaned back against the bar, almost done with her second cosmopolitan but nowhere near finished her perusal of wedding guests on the dancefloor, or sat at the tables surrounding it.

“Are you gonna?” He reclined on his elbow next to her.

With her finger pressed absently to her chin, Preston angled her head towards him, not peeling her eyes from anything in particular. “Hm? Gonna what?”

Benji stepped in closer to her, she could feel his springy curls push against her cheek as he directed her gaze to where he must have assumed she had been looking already. Following his finger, she immediately found who he meant.

“Subtle.” Preston pushed Benji’s arm back to his side. It was hard to get a good look at the woman from the bar. Every now and again a dancing body would get in the way, or the light would hit her a certain way that would obscure her features. Preston couldn’t tell whether her hair was purple or blue. When the reds of the lights hit her, her hair shone almost metallic grey. It was a wonder Preston hadn’t noticed her first. Alas, Benji had. “Please,” she gestured with her glass, “by all means.”

“Oh, no no, no,” he immediately contradicted her, encouraging her to face him with a tug on her elbow. “Why do you think I called you?”

Preston complied, turning to lean forwards against the bar now, making sure the surface was dry where she folded her arms on the counter. “To hear me sing Sara Bareilles songs?”

“To be my wingman, man,” he corrected. His eyes shifted from Preston to the mystery-colored-hair woman and back. “Reel her in for me.”

Preston scrunched her face in response to the term, “Ew, she’s not a fish,” chancing a look over her shoulder. She couldn’t see what the woman was drinking, or even tell if she was with the people at her table or just occupying a chair. Nevertheless, she waved the bartender down and gestured at her near empty glass for another with a smile.

“Mm,” she conceded around her glass, finishing the last mouthful. “You obviously need the help. As if you don’t owe me enough already, Benjamin.” She smoothed down the fabric of her jumpsuit, making sure the tit-tape was still doing its job in keeping the edges of the low cut ‘V’ in place. The more modest dress she’d donned for the earlier part of the reception had been abandoned the moment she’d finished her set and the party was in full swing. “Alright,” she breathed, “The things I do for you.”

“Wait,” he caught her arm again, reaching up to fix something in her hair. She’d pinned it up since the performance, shoved three of the red roses from the centerpiece of the tables into her hair to make a head wreath. Matched her cheeks. “One of your flowers was coming out. There.”

“Aw,” she patted his cheek, “Might be hope for you yet. I’ll be back,” she gave herself a quick once over in the mirrored back wall of the bar, catching herself between the bottles and glasses. “Get a drink, stay there, look mysterious and aloof, but approachable.”

“You do know aloof literally means unapproachable, right?”

Preston waved him off over her shoulder to begin carefully meandering through the dancefloor towards the woman, expertly keeping her full glass from spilling. Once she was a few paces from her target, Preston glanced about to make sure she wouldn’t be interrupting something already in progress when she made her entrance, but she didn’t much care if she was.

Pulling up an empty chair into the space beside the woman, Preston first sat her glass on the table between them - close enough to the woman that it could be seen as an offering, but still within reach in case she didn’t want it, or in case one of the glasses of varying levels already on the table was hers.

“Hi,” Preston regarded the woman, injecting as much charm into her red-lipped smile as she could muster. Resting her elbow on the table and her chin in the palm of her hand, she inquired “Are you single? Are you single at this wedding? Wow,” She sat up straight, let the hand that was supporting her head fall to the table. “That totally sounded like I’m trying to sell you something. Hi,” she took a breath, offering her hand to the woman as she started over. “I’m Jesse Preston, and this is my attempt to wingman for my friend over at the bar there. I’m usually better at this."

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notarelationship · 7 years

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Clinging to This Hating Game 1/?

For the @prompt-a-klainefic blog’s 2017 Reverse Bang

Link to the art by @datshitrandom (I love it!)

the prompt:

Kurt and Blaine couldn't stand each other in high school, maybe one was a jock/cheerleader and the other a nerd/glee clubber. Or they were bitter rivals for competition solos if they were both in glee club. Now they both live in NY and their friends set them up on a blind date, not knowing they went to the same high school.

I did expand the prompt a bit, and I expect it to run about 5 chapters (maybe 6...). I should get one up every 2-3 days, if the universe cooperates (although Speedogate II has already put me a bit behind, lol).

I think here are a couple of other authors writing the same prompt, so look them up too!

High School AU, Cheerio!Kurt, Jock!Blaine Rating: Explicit Warnings: some bullying and homophobic language, teenage sex Word Count: ~4600

Thanks to superbeta @mshoneysucklepink who knocked me around a bit! Everything wonky is my fault.

AO3 link

Chapter One

Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce and Quinn Fabray were not easy friends to have, but they were loyal. Quinn had plucked him out of the sight lines of the school bullies in freshman year and found him a place on the cheerleading squad. By sophomore year, they had even joined Glee club with him. Kurt had been sure at the time it was so Quinn could keep an eye on her (now ex-) boyfriend - who happened to be Kurt’s step-brother Finn, and Rachel Berry, but Kurt appreciated having them around. And on top of that Quinn and Santana could really sing, which was great for the glee club. And what was good for the glee club was good for Kurt’s college applications.

Of course the bullying didn't stop completely - it was still the middle-of-nowhere Ohio - but a few football players even joined glee club, and for Kurt it made things a little better. Now that he was heading into his senior year of high school, and he still hadn’t so much as kissed another boy, he needed Quinn’s help with one last thing.

Kurt checked himself in the mirror one last time, putting finishing touches on his hair, smoothing the non-existent wrinkles on the Burberry asymmetrical checked shirt - turquoise accents, thank you very much (it was from two seasons ago, but he was pretty sure no one would notice where he was going) that he'd snagged off eBay. Quinn had scored them invites to a “kick off the year” party in Columbus, and while it was still Ohio and he hardly expected anyone with an especially evolved sense of fashion to be there, he did have his own standards to live up to.

He added a pair of snug denim shorts - distressed up the front but neatly hemmed (by his own hand) at the cuff - and decided he looked hot enough to score with a college guy.

Three years of cheerleading had turned his ass from a liability in a china shop into lean muscle, and the shorts did amazing things for his thighs. A pair of Jimmy Choo croc print espadrilles he’d scored off of ebay completed the look.

“Well, Kurt Hummel, if you can’t get a guy to want to make out with you in this getup in Ohio you’re never going to make it in New York.”

Kurt skimmed the stairs, hoping to sneak out without a judgmental eye from his dad. Burt knew he was going out with the girls tonight, and since he was only a few months shy of 18 he really didn't have a curfew.

“How late do you expect to be out, Kurt?”

Damn.

“Well, Quinn has to go to church tomorrow, so I think we’ll try to leave by midnight.” Burt grunted. “We should be home by two at the latest.”

“Who's the designated driver?”

Kurt raised his hand to shoulder height, wiggling his fingers. “Yours truly.” Kurt knew Burt always felt better if he drove.

“Okay.” Burt sighed and rubbed the top of his head. “I'm never going to get used to you being so grown up son. I mean, a year from now you’ll be gone.”

Quinn asked The Question during the drive to Columbus.

“How serious are you about this Kurt?”

“That will depend entirely on my options. You’re sure there will be gay guys at this party?”

“It’s being co-hosted by the drama frat at OSU, and Jordan said there would absolutely be a very diverse group attending.”

Santana leaned forward from her seat in the back. “As long as there’s booze and dancing, I’ll be happy.” Quinn turned and frowned at her.

“I love it when you’re happy Santana,” Brittany chirped from the back seat.

“And I am in full support of your getting some, my pretty pony.” Santana poked Kurt on the shoulder. “Sex is awesome.”

Kurt snorted. Santana had taken some getting used to at first, but dating Brittany had eased some of her anger, and lately she’d been encouraging Kurt to go hang out at Lima’s only gay bar and just ‘get it done.’

The truth was that Kurt was more than a little nervous about what he was planning - hoping really, to do at this party.

Kurt had always hoped that at some point he'd meet a nice guy at school, one who was sweet and romantic and out and brave enough to be with him. Someone who'd want to figure out things together, share French fries and movie dates and clothing tips, and various firsts of a sexual variety. But that guy never showed up, and in a year Kurt was moving to New York having possibly never even held another boy’s hand, much less kissed one. He intended that to change tonight.

There were a lot of cars parked on the street as they got near the party, so they parked a couple of blocks away and walked over.

“I told my dad we’d be on the road by midnight, which means we can probably push it to one am if we’re having a good time.”

“By good time do you mean if some junior frat boy is on his knees with his -”

“Santana!” Quinn hissed. Santana rolled her eyes and walked ahead, her pinkie finger linked with Britt. Quinn slipped her arm through Kurt’s as they made their way toward the house. The party looked to be in full swing. “There will be a lot of people there and it can get intimidating.”

“I have been to parties, Quinn.”

“Still, you’re looking to pick someone up - or get picked up -” She looked at him and batted her eyelashes knowingly - “and this is more or less a first for you. Remember - never drink anything someone hands you unless you watched them pour or open it - or open it yourself, and you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want. Ever. With anyone.”

“I’m driving so I won’t be drinking much at all -”

“People put things in soda too Kurt.” He supposed she had a point. “Just mingle for a while, see if you’re comfortable.”

Quinn gave the guy working the door her name, which he checked off a list and gave them each three drink tickets. “Have fun!” He said brightly as they trailed in. Definitely theater department, Kurt thought.

They did a lap around the party, all of them grabbing drinks when they got to the booze room. Kurt had decided earlier that he would have one beer to loosen up and maybe settle some of his nerves, but after that it would be water or soda. After leaving Quinn with the guy who had invited them, and an agreement to text each other at midnight to see where they were all at, Kurt went with Santana and Brittany to find the dance floor.

The frat house was predictably large, but for this end of summer blast they had set up a lighted dance floor in the back yard, complete with DJ and strings of mismatched lights strung up all around the dance area. There were tables and chairs off to either side for just hanging out, and an outside bar. It was a lot more civilized than Kurt had expected from his first official (and hopefully only) frat party.

Kurt finished his beer, then danced with the girls for a few songs, keeping his eyes open for any guys who might be interested. After a few songs a tall, blond, very attractive guy cut in, pulling Kurt away from the girls. They danced a couple of songs, but he didn't get too handsy, and Kurt switched him out for another partner, then another after that.

The dancing went on for a while, and while he was having a good time, Kurt hadn't connected with anyone in a way that made him want to drag him up to an empty bedroom somewhere. He did want another beer, but he wasn’t actually drunk enough off of the one he’d had to talk himself into it - he’d had road safety drilled into his head since before he could walk - so when he was ready for a break he grabbed a water from the outside bar and wandered back into the house.

It was hot inside, and the dancing had made him sweat. He did notice that there were a few cute, older looking guys eyeing him up, but he felt a little too gross and sweaty to let some stranger get too close, although they were just going to get sweaty anyway. Kurt shivered thinking about it, but he didn’t know if was excitement or nerves. Maybe he wasn’t really ready for this at all.

Kurt drained his water, but he was still hot and thirsty so he wandered to the bar room for a can of soda.

Standing in front of the bar was a guy he hadn't noticed earlier. He was talking to a girl with long dark hair, so Kurt took his time noticing him. He wore well fitted navy shorts and a retro patterned polo that Kurt immediately recognized as Brooks Brothers - where everyone else at the party was decked out in J Crew or Abercrombie. He was wearing sandals, which Kurt was willing to forgive only because of the excessive heat, and his hair was neatly combed and gelled down.

Kurt was still staring when the guy turned and noticed Kurt looking at him. He smiled with the corner of his mouth, but Kurt looked away, embarrassed for getting caught looking. When Kurt had no choice but to turn back as his turn came at the bar, both the guy and the girl he had been talking to were gone. Kurt sighed and took his mercifully freezing cold diet soda from the guy minding the bar and walked out to drink it on the front porch, hoping it would be a little quieter than inside the house.

When he finally made it outside, Kurt was surprised to find that the only person actually on the front porch was Mr. Brooks Brothers, from the bar. He had turned when Kurt opened the door, and was looking right at Kurt when he stepped out.

“Hi,” Mr. Brooks Brothers said.

Kurt blinked about a hundred times. “Uh, hi.” He looked down at his soda can and popped the top. He could already feel his mouth drying up. “Cool party.” The guy didn’t say anything, so Kurt kept talking. “Do you go to school here?”

Brooks Brothers stared for a moment, then seemed to realize it was his turn to say something, and nodded sharply. “Yeah, um, sophomore.”

God this guy was cute. Kurt kept staring. “Oh, cool.”

“What about you? Do you go here?”

Kurt had decided his cover story would be that he went to school at NYU - there would be less likelihood of ever running into someone in NY. And he was absolutely going to get in there anyway.

“No, I go to NYU. I'm here with some friends.”

Brooks Brothers nodded. “Ah.” They both stood silent for a moment, and Kurt had to wonder if he would ever have a not-awkward moment with a guy, when the guy spoke again. “I saw you dancing earlier - was going to cut in, but then you disappeared.”

Brooks Brothers took a couple of steps closer while he talked. He wasn't close enough to touch him or anything, but Kurt could see that they guy had quite pretty eyes, and biceps that threatened the integrity of the sleeves on the shirt he was wearing and oh wow pretty lips…that were still talking.

“I don't know if - you can say no if you don't, um, my car is parked just about a block away -” he shrugged, “if you maybe want to get away for a bit.” His confidence in what he was proposing was undermined somewhat by how nervously he was proposing it, but Kurt was sure when he asked that all of the hesitation about hooking up at this party that he’d had inside the house had disappeared.

“Okay,” he heard himself say, and he was rewarded with a smile that lit Brooks Brothers’ face all the way from his mouth to the tips of his sweetly triangular eyebrows. “Lead the way.”

Silently, Kurt followed Brooks Brothers to his car, which was parked around the corner from the frat house but in the opposite direction from where Kurt had parked his car earlier. There were other cars parked along the street on both sides, but it was secluded from view of the frat house by a large row of shrubs, and the street was darkened further due to a broken overhead street lamp. It seemed remarkably well concealed from prying eyes and Kurt wondered if the guy had parked here for exactly that reason. Kurt filed that idea away in case he ever found himself at a party looking to pick up virginal young high school students trying to pass themselves off as college. Brooks Brothers unlocked the car with a ‘blip blip’ and opened the back door, indicating for Kurt to get in, a small smile visible on his face.

Kurt slid into the back seat turning his body so that his left knee was folded on the seat and he could face Brooks Brothers, who slid in next to him. After auto locking the car and tossing the keys onto the center console in the front, he played with his phone and set it on the floor of the car. It was letting off a low glow that gave off some light allowing them to see each other, but not so bright that it lit up the car.

“Better,” he breathed, turning to Kurt and sliding an arm across the back of the seat. His left hand curved around Kurt’s right thigh, and without any preamble at all, he leaned in and pressed his mouth against Kurt’s.

For the first time in his life Kurt was kissing another boy, and he was so surprised by it that he let out an actual squeak. Brooks Brothers pulled back, looking at him in the near dark.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

Kurt was mortified. It might be the first time he’d had his lips on another boy, but the last thing he wanted was for the boy know that.

“No it’s fine,” Kurt said, forcing a smile. “Caught me off guard.” He gathered all the courage he had and leaned in, grateful that Brooks Brothers didn’t seem to be annoyed with him and went right back to what he’d been doing too. Which was kissing Kurt. Kurt parted his lips, tilting his head to get a better angle, and Brooks Brothers made a pleased noise and pushed closer. The hand across the back of the seat moved to Kurt’s shoulder, then around the back of his neck, long strong fingers holding him as they kissed harder. Kurt gasped when he felt a tongue slide alongside his own and without thinking he sucked lightly on it. The hand on his thigh drifted higher, stroking along Kurt’s leg until fingers teased into the holes Kurt had made in his jeans.

Kurt had been at an initial loss for where to put his hands, and pressed them against Brooks Brother’s (very firm) chest. He moved them up, over muscled shoulders, moaning without realizing it as he did.

“Mmm, wait, wait,” Brooks Brothers stopped just as Kurt was wriggling his hips to shift closer. “What’s your name?”

“My name?” Kurt asked between kisses. “What?” Kurt kept kissing and Brooks Brothers didn’t object. But he wasn’t done asking.

“Yeah, your name.” Kurt moved one hand down across Brooks Brothers’ chest and down, getting his own grip on the guy’s thigh.

“Does it matter?” Kurt kissed along his jaw, dragging his teeth below Brooks Brothers’ ear.

“What? Yes, yeah. I’m about to put my hand in your pants - at least I hope I am” he ducked his head with a bashful smile that Kurt found both sexy and endearing. “I want to know your name. It matters.” He paused. “My name’s Blaine.”

Kurt stopped kissing Blaine, pulling back to look into this boys eyes, panting just a little from the kissing. Back in sophomore year his dad had given him the sex talk, complete with actual how-to pamphlets and instructions to ask him if he had any questions. He didn't know whether his dad was hoping that Kurt would meet a boy, or was just completely clueless about the unlikelihood of that ever happening at McKinley High School in backwardsville Lima, Ohio. Either way, Kurt had been mortified at the entire thing, hiding in his room for the next several hours (okay, reading the pamphlets, but that hadn’t made the experience less mortifying). But Burt Hummel had said one thing that had stuck with him, and was sure would lead him to be incredibly disappointed with his son if he knew what he was doing right now. “Don't throw yourself around,” he'd said. “You matter, Kurt.” Kurt blinked and looked at Blaine.

“Kurt,” he said. “My name’s Kurt.”

Blaine grinned a smile so bright Kurt thought it could have lit the car from the inside all by itself.

“Kurt.” Blaine leaned in, his kiss swollen lips slotting onto Kurt's for a long brain melting moment. “I was calling you ‘hot guy’, you know, in my head,” he said, pulling away for just a moment.

“That's okay,” Kurt responded, kissing back. “I was calling you Brooks Brothers.” Blaine laughed, sharp and sweet, that same grin threatening to split his face in two.

He leaned back in, fingers now playing at the buttons on Kurt’s shirt. “May I?” He asked, kissing Kurt on the cheek.

Kurt nodded, nervous about how this was going to go, or what exactly was going to happen. He kissed Blaine as a distraction as Blaine unbuttoned his shirt, then groaned when Blaine put his hands on Kurt's bare chest. Kurt inhaled sharply, but leaned in so Blaine wouldn't pull away. He didn't know what he was doing, but he didn't want to stop. At least not yet.

They continued touching and kissing, each step closer to what, Kurt wasn't sure. The angle in the back seat made getting closer difficult, and the hard on in Kurt's shorts was getting uncomfortable.

But the making out was getting more intense. Blaine wriggled and slid under Kurt, his back on the back seat, and he tugged until Kurt was lying on top of him. They were both obviously hard. Kurt propped himself up with his elbows and looked down at Blaine who looked gorgeous and a little desperate in the odd light of the back seat. His hips churned little circles against the weight of Kurt on top of him.

“That feels good,” Kurt gasped, dropping his head to Blaine’s shoulder.

Blaine was panting against Kurt’s cheek. Kurt swore to himself that if he ever had the opportunity to make out in a car again he’d make sure he had his Navigator. “Yeah?”

“Uh huh.”

“Can I touch you?” Blaine was running a finger up and down the obvious bulge of Kurt's cock straining in his shorts. Kurt thought he might black out just at that.

“Yes, yes please.”

Blaine gripped Kurt by the hips, pushing him off just enough to get his hands between them. He rubbed firmly against Kurt’s erection, a quiet wow escaping his lips. Kurt stared at Blaine’s face as he slid each button on the fly of his shorts through its hole, breathing harder as Blaine opened his pants and slipped his hand inside, over the fabric of his underwear.

“Oh god,” Kurt thrust into Blaine's hand, once, twice, a third time. The blind pleasure of having another boy touch him rippled from his jaw down through his spine, leaving him jolting into the air when Blaine removed his hand.

“Wait, hang on,” Blaine said. He pushed Kurt to sit up a bit more, then pulled his own shirt over his head. Blaine dropped back to the seat of the car and then quickly unfastened his belt and undid his own shorts. Kurt watched as he wriggled them down just a bit past his hips. Then he reached back for Kurt's shorts, pushing them down until he could reach into his underwear and then he wrapped his hand around the bare flesh of Kurt's cock. Blaine whimpered, then pulled his own cock out of his underwear. Kurt put a hand on Blaine’s wrist.

“Can I?” He searched Blaine’s eyes for any hesitation, but it wasn't there. Blaine nodded, and Kurt lay the palm of his hand against Blaine’s cock, wrapping his fingers around it and stroking slowly. He felt like he should say something, compliment Blaine on how amazing his body felt or how gorgeous his cock was. Blaine moaned, tilting his head back, and Kurt didn't have the words.

Then Blaine wriggled again, positioning Kurt over him and then pushing on his lower back until his cock was pressed against Blaine’s.

Kurt gasped, and Blaine spit into his hand and wrapped it around both of their cocks as best he could, trapping them in the channel of his fist. Kurt wanted to be disgusted at Blaine using spit for lubricant, but honestly the whole thing was so hot and they looked so hot in Blaine’s hand as he rubbed them together that he just couldn't.

“Just - put your hands here,” Blaine said, placing Kurt’s hands on the back of the seat and the door handle behind him. ”Brace yourself. Let me take care of you.” Blaine smiled up at him, and Kurt was grateful he knew what he was doing. This had been a good idea.

After that it was all heavy breathing and the sound of rustling clothes and skin on skin until Kurt couldn't watch anymore. He closed his eyes, thrusting into Blaine's hand as he jerked them both off.

“Oh god,” Kurt moaned. He wanted to focus on what was happening. Another boy had his hand on Kurt's cock for the first time and he wanted to watch, wanted to know what he was experiencing. But Blaine's hand was so sure and his cock was so hard and it was all so so different from when he touched himself anywhere that he just couldn't. Blaine was grunting and making noises underneath Kurt and Kurt wanted to know what he was feeling, wished he would say something, could say something. It was all so much.

Then Blaine moaned and shifted, and Kurt had to brace his leg so he wouldn't slide right off the back seat and somehow it made Blaine lose his grip on them for a second - Kurt heard Blaine hiss no then replace his grip on them, twisting in a totally new way that caused Kurt to make a noise somewhere between a choke and a whine. He looked at Blaine, hoping he hadn't noticed Kurt's completely virginal reactions to what they were doing; he didn't want to let on that he’d never done anything like this before..

But Blaine had his head thrown back against the arm of the door, his eyes closed, his mouth open in a perfect ‘o’ and Blaine was coming in thick white stripes across his chest, over his fist, come smearing all over Kurt’s cock as he continued pushing through Blaine’s fist. It only took fractions of fractions of seconds for Kurt to make all these observations and then he felt the familiar whip-crack down his spine into his balls and he was coming all over Blaine’s chest, his release pooling with Blaine’s.

It took Kurt a few moments to come back to himself, the intensity of the experience both more and less than he'd expected, now that it was over. Blaine had stroked him through the last pulse of his orgasm, seemingly knowing just when to stop before it was too much. Kurt wondered if the whole thing had been too much, but Blaine was smiling up at him so sweetly, what looked like real feeling in his eyes, so Kurt didn't say anything. Blaine shifted up on one elbow and pressed the hand not covered in their come against Kurt’s cheek, holding him in place for a soft, closed mouth kiss that should have felt chaste but was anything but.

“That was amazing,” Blaine said, pulling away. His messy hand trailed circles through the come on his stomach.

Kurt blinked, his cock throbbing. “It was?”

Blaine looked up and frowned, a worried look instantly taking over his face. “You didn’t - you could have said if you wanted something else.”

Kurt couldn’t in that moment imagine what else he could have wanted. He shook his head, some need to reassure Blaine spiking in his chest.

“No, no it was, um great. You were great.” He tried to match Blaine’s smile, but wasn’t sure anyone could actually do that. “I’m glad you liked it,” Kurt said, cringing a little and sitting back on his heels, bumping his head on the roof of the car with a loud ‘oof’. He looked at Blaine and forced himself to grin. Be natural. “I’m always a little clumsy after a good orgasm.” Blaine giggled, but his eyes were wide. Smooth Hummel.

Now that they were both coming down from the rush of orgasm, their half naked state was starting to get awkward and Blaine made an attempt to sit up.

“I think there are some tissues under the seat there, do you think you can reach?” Blaine asked.

Kurt twisted around, finding the box and offering a handful to Blaine to clean himself up with. Eventually Kurt tucked himself back into his underwear and fastened up his pants, shifting so Blaine could free his legs and sit up. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Blaine eventually wriggled into his shorts, realizing in a panic that he didn’t have an exit plan. He couldn’t imagine etiquette called for him to hang around long. He was trying to think up some meaningful parting words when Blaine reached for his keys on the front console and unlocked the car doors.

“So, can I walk you back to the party?” He sounded fully composed. Was this all there was? Kurt wondered. They shake hands and leave?

“No, I have to get going.” Kurt shook his head, trying to offer a polite smile. He really had no idea what time it was, or what the girls were up to, but he didn’t think it was quite curfew yet. “Thanks.”

He reached for the door, pulling the handle and pushing the door open so he could step out. Blaine sat in the car, making no move to follow him, so Kurt leaned over to stick his head in the car to say goodbye.

Blaine jumped in his seat when Kurt reappeared. The light from Blaine’s phone shone more directly on his face, and he looked scared.

“Hey I just wanted to say good-bye.”

Blaine nodded, his smile back in an instant. “Yeah.” Blaine waved. “See you ‘round.”

Kurt had had enough of the party, and walked back to his car, his limbs still a little shaky. His body felt good, but his heart felt a little empty, and he didn’t know what to think about that. He hadn’t really expected to feel anything like that. He thought he would just feel experienced.

Kurt climbed into his car and checked his phone - there were two texts from Quinn and one from Santana. He texted that the combination of J.Crew and the oppressive August heat had put him off his original plan, and he had gone back to the car to keep from becoming sick. It was barely 11:30. He wanted to be alone for a while.

#clinging to this hating game #prompt-a-klaine-fic #prompt-a-klaine-fic reverse bang #artist: datshitrandom #klaine fic

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